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Howard started the show talking about how anger management doesn't seem to work for Mel Gibson. Howard said there's a new tape of Mel out where he's yelling. Howard said he was working with Joe Eszterhas on a movie and Joe taped Mel yelling. Howard said Mel used to be known as one of the nicest guys in Hollywood. He said he's not sure what went wrong.
Howard said he heard this clip and Mel is just yelling and you can barley understand what he's saying. Howard said someone transcribed what he was saying and he's not sure who did that. Robin said it may have been Joe.
Howard played some of the audio of Mel yelling during this meeting. He was just screaming at the top of his lungs asking why he didn't have a first draft of this movie. Howard would play the unintelligible audio and then read the transcript. Howard said he doesn't know how they knew what he was saying.
Howard said this is kind of fun. He had Robin try to guess what he was saying. He played a clip where Mel yells and Robin guessed what he was saying. She got some of it right. Howard played more of the audio and they gave up on trying to figure out what he was saying. Howard just read the transcript. Howard and the guys got some laughs out of the transcript. They would listen to Mel screaming and then laugh as Howard read the transcript. Mel was asking who wanted to eat and then screams ''Hooray!'' in an angry voice.
Howard kept going with the clips. Mel was cursing and screaming at the top of his lungs. Howard said they say he ran out of the house and drove away at the end of the screaming.
Howard said it's amazing that Mel was able to keep a nice guy image for all those years. He said there are a lot of people who are able to do that for a long time. Howard said he's sure people still like Mel more than they like him.
Sal and Richard asked the woman about Howard Stern and she said that he's psycho and most of what he says is bullshit and it's all disgusting. She said Howard is corrupt and he has no business being on radio. She said she thinks she's a much better entertainer than Howard Stern. Howard said she should go and prove it then. Howard said he's ready to turn this rant off.
Sal and Richard asked the woman if she knew Howard Stern was the host of America's Got Talent. Howard cut it off and said he likes that they don't even know he's a judge on the show, not the host. The guys asked the woman more about her thoughts on Howard Stern and Dick Clark and she was a big fan of Dick's but not Howard's.
Howard said someone asked him for a quote about Dick Clark and he said he had him on the show a bunch of times and he seemed like fun. Howard said he called in a bunch of times and he was okay. Howard said he didn't know what else to say.
Howard said he was reading a lot about Dick Clark and the only guy who really had anything negative to say about him was Bob Lefsetz. Howard said he explained that the rock community doesn't really like Dick because he made his empire off of their backs. Howard said the guy was a great game show host and he enjoyed him when he was on the show.
Robin said she heard that Dick had gone in for eye surgery just a few days before he died. Howard said he thought she meant that it was plastic surgery but it was cataract surgery or something. Robin said she thinks that he wanted to keep going on TV Howard said the guy did love being on camera.
Howard said not everyone has to be outrageous and be the maniac that he is. Howard said they say that Ryan Seacrest is the next Dick Clark but he's not sure about that. Howard said he doesn't know for sure. He said that Ryan is kind of bland like Dick Clark was and he knows that Ryan wants to be like that. Howard said he can go on TV and be an announcer. Howard said if he was that good looking he might be the same way.
Howard said he's doing some publicity in May and Ryan has asked him to be on his radio show. Howard said he may go on and talk to him. He said he's not sure if he'll have the time though.
Howard said Sal and Richard once used his impression of Dick Clark to make some prank calls. Howard played that clip where they were doing a Jack and Rod Show bit with an author. They introduced Dick as being there and played clips of Howard doing his impression of Dick after his stroke. The guy was going along with it but he had some trouble understanding what ''Dick'' was saying. They had him asking ''Did you blow Brad'' but the guy didn't understand that. The guy eventually got fed up and hung up.
Howard said that guy hung up on Dick Clark. Howard said they'll miss Dick on their show. Robin said he hasn't called in for a long time. Howard said he hasn't called in since the stroke.
Howard played more of Sal and Richard out on the street asking people about Dick. They were asking a guy if he was a huge dick fan and things like that. The guy said he's not a Ryan Seacrest fan. The guys asked if he likes Howard Stern better than Ryan. The guy does like Howard better and he'd rather see him on New Year's Rockin' Eve than Ryan.
Howard said he's not sure what killed Dick. Robin said he had a massive heart attack. Howard said he never should have gone into the hospital.
Howard said he never asks how anyone's weekend was. Howard said whenever he does it turns out to be something bad. Howard asked if that's the rocket scientist kid's mom. Robin said that's who it is. Howard said they were banking on that kid to go to space and now they have no space program.
Howard said he started calling Beth ''Khaleesi'' last night and she has no idea what he's talking about. Howard said he kept calling her that and she got annoyed. Howard said he wanted her to be his queen. Howard said she got so irritated that she asked him to stop calling her that. Howard said he started calling his dog Khaleesi and that annoyed Beth too. He said everything he was doing was annoying her. Howard said he and his dad used to use the Tarzan ''Ungowa'' saying and she walked away from him. Howard said that whole Khaleesi thing drove her away.
Howard said it's weird with that show. He said it seemed to be based in reality at first but then it got into this fantasy thing with the dragons. Robin said it was always that way.
Howard said he saw Selena Gomez on Dancing with the Stars and he's never seen this girl do a fucking thing. He said he didn't know she was a singer. Howard said she's terrible as a singer. Howard asked if she was on a TV show or something. Fred said she had a Disney show and she's out on tour now. Howard said he didn't know she had a career.
Howard asked Gary if he's ever called Mary his Khaleesi. Gary said he didn't and he doesn't think he'd call anyone that. Howard asked Robin if she would like it. Robin said she would. Howard said Beth really hated it. He said he has nicknames for Beth but they came about in other ways. Howard said she does not want to be known as the Khaleesi.
Gary said that the Khaleesi is a good thing. Howard said Beth didn't care. Howard said Beth really hated that whole thing. He said that Beth is his Khaleesi but she doesn't know it. He said he had to shut down because she really got annoyed. Howard said he watched the first season of that show in a day. He said he really got into it. Howard said Gary is his Cateethi. Howard said a guy with a lot of teeth would be the Cateethi.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to let him know he saw his 4 minute AGT preview commercial. Robin said she hasn't seen it. Robin said she saw that Howard tweeted it out but she didn't watch it. Howard said it was like 2 and a half minutes. He said that's what they played at a press event for NBC people. Howard said Howie, Sharon and Nick were at the event. He said they had a big presentation and they released it on the internet. Howard said Toni was telling him that it's no longer there on the web. The caller said he saw it last night. Howard asked Jason to put a link up on the web for people to see the clip. You can see it on NBC's web site here.
Howard let the caller go and said he should take a break here. He said he's been waiting too long lately so he should do it here. Fred agreed. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said the guy who invented the Ugly Meter app, that they had on the show recently, has an update for them. Howard said Joe Overline is the guy who invented the app. Howard said after Joe was on the show they helped him sell many apps. Joe said after the show they sold about 220,000 apps. Howard said that means he made a few hundred thousand bucks. Joe said he has to share that with his partners but that is true.
Howard said one of the funny things that came about was Ronnie saying that he thinks that they should pay him. Howard said Ronnie thinks that they intentionally gave him a 0 rating on the app on purpose to get people to buy it. Howard asked Joe if they fixed it at all. Joe said that now that they have nothing to lose... He thinks that Ronnie is the center of the universe and has some ego. Howard said Joe claims that he did nothing to the app to come up with the 0.
Ronnie came in and said that he doesn't want to talk to this guy. He said he bad mouthed him on Superfan Roundtable. He said good luck to him and walked out of the studio. Gary said Ronnie told JD he wants to punch him in the face.
Howard asked where Jon Leiberman is. Joe said that he didn't know they were going to get that reaction out of Jon either. He said that they got a lot of emails after the show and Jon was one of them. Howard said he had a bad reaction to a 34 and Jon got an 18. Howard asked Jon if he thinks that Joe sat at home masterminded these numbers. Jon said he did not. Jon said that Ronnie thinks that they should pay him $50,000 for helping them make the app what it is. Howard said that's just stupid. Jon said Ronnie thinks that he got his face put through some face distortion software to make it come out as a zero. Joe said he would have done it to Gary if he was going to do it to anyone. He said Ronnie isn't even on the show that much.
Howard said he's not sure why Ronnie should get that kind of money for the app even if he was the center of the whole thing. Howard asked Jon if he thought it was a set up. Jon said he didn't but he thought that it was bullshit.
Howard said Ronnie is way off on this whole thing. Howard asked what Joe said about him on Superfan Roundtable. Joe said he has no idea. He said he'd have to ask Ronnie about that.
Joe said that Jon is a pro and he's been classy the whole time. He said that the great thing about the app is that it brought out everyone's personality. Howard asked if anyone there didn't take the app. Robin said she didn't do it.
Howard said he wants to hear what Ronnie has to say about this. Ronnie came back and said he doesn't have anything to say. Howard asked why he thinks he deserves 50 grand. Ronnie said he didn't say 50, he said 30. Ronnie said he was just joking around about it. He said he doesn't want to talk to this guy Joe. He said he thinks he sounds like Chyna the wrestler. Howard said he doesn't get that. Ronnie said that's what he was told.
Howard asked Ronnie if he really thinks that this guy masterminded this whole thing. Ronnie said he doesn't need this guy in his life and he doesn't need to be bothered by this guy. Howard asked if he's angry with him. Ronnie said no. He said he just doesn't care. Howard asked what he said about him on Superfan Roundtable. Ronnie said he was just talking shit.
Jon said that he knows what Joe said. Ronnie was all worked up and going off on everyone in there. Howard said that it's not this guy's fault that Ronnie got a 0. Ronnie said that they took pictures of Sal's balls and he got a 2. He said that's just not cool. Ronnie said this guy is making a ton of money and good for him. He said he's happy for the guy.
Jon said that Joe basically said that Ronnie has an inflated sense of self and if he was going to do this for a bit he would have used Gary or Benjy to do something like this. Ronnie said Gary would have went along with it and that would have been the end of it. That's why they wouldn't do that. Jon said that Ronnie is the one who kept it going so he must have liked it. Ronnie said he loved it just like Jon loved it. Jon said he never said he loved it. Ronnie said he should talk about how he couldn't sleep at night. Jon said that's true but he didn't blame this man for a conspiracy theory.
Ronnie and Jon went back and forth arguing about how they reacted to this whole thing. Jon was trying to get a word in but Ronnie was talking over him and saying that Jon wasn't able to sleep for 3 days. Ronnie said he should call his girlfriend and ask her about it. Jon told him to stay away from her.
Howard asked Joe what they base their readings on. Joe said there are ratios that they base them on and it's just math. Howard asked if anyone else has ever gotten a 0. Joe said they rescanned Ronnie and he got a 2. Ronnie said he won't get in front of that camera for a million bucks. Howard said he might go up if he tries it again. Howard asked Ronnie if anyone else would test him. Ronnie said he will not do it no matter who it is.
Jon said that he was disappointed in his score but he didn't think that Joe had a conspiracy there. Ronnie said they should call into a scientist and check his brain. Howard said Ronnie looks really handsome today and he thinks that he'd test higher. Jon said he got a hair cut. Ronnie said he did but he's not going to test again. He said he just doesn't care.
Howard asked Joe to swear on the life of his child that he didn't fix the app. Joe said on the life of his child, Ronnie is a zero. Ronnie said he still doesn't believe him. He said he has his legs crossed. Howard told Joe to uncross his legs. Ronnie said he doesn't care and he won't test again.
Howard asked Jon if he wanted to take the app test again. Jon said he would do it. Ronnie said Jon will have another 3 days without sleep. Howard said he didn't sleep but he doesn't' have delusions of grandeur over the whole thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was with his wife screwing around with the app and his dog scored a 3 and he scored a 0. The guy said he used to model a few years ago and he still got a 0. Ronnie said he's happy for the guy. He said he appreciates that call. The caller said he can't take this shit so seriously. Ronnie said he doesn't care. The caller said the zeros have to stick together. Howard said he's right. Ronnie told the guy he'd let him into his comedy show for free.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that this proves what a fucking asshole Ronnie is. Jeff said he's a douche bag and an asshole. Ronnie said that they know that Jeff is the real asshole because his ass hole was sticking out at AGT. He said he had shit stains in his underwear too.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that they have the app on the Android store. Joe said they only have the official app on iTunes. He said that it only works for iTunes and iPad. He said they didn't expect this to turn into what it is so they didn't create it for Android.
The caller said that there are a lot of people on Android who are buying it in the app store. Joe said they have them pulled and people are knocking them off weekly.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that anyone else on the show would have created more for this app than him. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said all Ronnie is doing is yelling. He's not just responding. Howard said he had to have Joe back because Ronnie was so vocal about the score.
Howard said that JD has had more confidence since he scored a 52. Howard said he has a business card that has his score on it. Howard said JD's whole personality changed. Joe said he heard that it did and he had more confidence.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie isn't a 0. He said he's more like a 1. Howard said he thinks that he'd beat Jon Leiberman's score if he retested. Ronnie said he's not going to do it. Ronnie refused to do it no matter what they told him. Jon said this tells them a lot.
Ronnie said Jon is the one who wasn't able to sleep for 3 days. Jon said he'll test again. He said he has nothing to lose. Joe said he scans a lot of people and he could do better. Ronnie said he won't do it. Howard said he's a pussy and afraid. Ronnie said he's right. He said he is a pussy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the discussions that aren't about AGT. Howard said he can fuck off. He said he doesn't care. The caller said he thinks that Ronnie is average looking at the least. The caller said he got an 84, a 4 and a 19 with the app when he tested. He said this makes good radio talk but it really means nothing. Jon told him to just try it again. Ronnie told him to shut up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that the facial hair has something to do with this. He said that the app doesn't take that stuff into account. Joe said that it's all based on facial structure. That's it. Ronnie said Joe is an asshole and told him not to get on his case and call him ugly. Ronnie said he'll throw hi right out of there. He said he ripped his asshole apart on Superfan and he doest want to give him ''the right time.'' He said Joe is a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe and he doesn't like him. He said he's a fucking user and he's done. Ronnie said he's done with his ass. He also told Joe that he's ugly. Joe said he knows, he's only a 32. Ronnie said that he's making money off of Howard's show and not advertising. Howard said he doesn't care so why does Ronnie care.
Jon said he's never seen a 70 year old man act like this. Ronnie said he's done with this asshole. Howard asked Ronnie how much he spends on advertising. Ronnie said they're allowed to plug their stuff if they work there. He said he'll stop plugging if he doesn't want him to. Howard said that's not what he's saying.
Howard asked Ronnie why he's so upset. Ronnie said Howard got what he wanted from him with his blow up. He said he's not sure why this guy came back. He walked out again.
Robin said they have their own Mel Gibson there. She said this really got under his skin. She said he must have thought he was really handsome.
Richard and Sal came in and Ronnie was still going off on Joe. Robin said they need security for security. Ronnie was yelling at the guy and calling him out. He told him to say this stuff to his face. Robin said she thinks Ronnie has to leave the studio for a while. Ronnie was going off on him and asking him what his problem is. Howard told Ronnie to calm down. Joe said he's going to get beat up by a 70 year old man.
Howard said Ronnie has to calm down. Ronnie said he's fine. He said he wants to talk to him to his face. Joe said he's just trying to talk to him. Ronnie asked if he has a problem with him going to strip clubs. Howard said he was the one who said it. Ronnie said he heard Joe say it. Howard said Ronnie is too close to Joe. Ronnie said he's not going to do anything. Gary asked why he's intimidating Joe. Ronnie said Joe is intimidating him.
Howard said Joe is his guest and he has to back off. Howard said he got a 0 and he is freaking out. Ronnie said he got what he wanted. He said he's acting the way he wants him to act. Ronnie said he's just talking to Joe to his face. Joe asked if he wants to talk or if he wants to yell. Ronnie told him to just talk. Joe said that he got a 0 and he can't do anything about that. He said it's his DNA that made him the way he is.
Ronnie told Howard he's not mad at Joe. He said he's mad at what he's saying about his life. Joe said he said some nice things about Ronnie. Howard said he thinks that they've had enough. They went back and forth for a few more seconds and Ronnie said he's done again.
Robin said that Ronnie is out of control. Richard said that he went and took a shit and took the Ugly Meter picture and got an 8.3. Howard sounded shocked by Ronnie's behavior.
Howard said he has to congratulate Jon for staying calm with his 18 score. Howard said he thinks that he was lucky he got a 34 with that. Howard said he has seen himself on AGT and the 34 was kind.
Joe said that Lisa G got a very high score with the app and she seems very happy about that. Howard said Jon stayed cool and he admires that. Jon said he has to go out into the hall to find out what's going on with him out there. Howard said they'll get Joe and escort to get out of there when they're done.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to tell Ronnie the Pet Lady to calm down. Howard and the guys got a laugh out of that. Howard said he's never seen anything like this before.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that they should never have this guy on Superfan again. She said that he didn't let anyone talk on the show and he sucks. She said that the app sucks too. She said she knows she's ugly and she won't give this guy a dime. Howard said Mariann isn't ugly. He said she's very good looking. Mariann said she just wants to know when Howard is going on all of these shows to promote AGT.
Howard said he wrote a piece for Time Magazine about Matt Lauer. Robin hadn't seen that. Howard said he wants everyone to calm down. Howard asked Joe if he's alright. Joe said he thought he was coming in for 30 seconds. He said that he just has to sit there and Ronnie does all of this stuff himself. Fred threw in some Mel Gibson clips while they talked about that.
Joe said that Ronnie was being nice to him when he brought him. He didn't know if he recognized him or not. Howard gave Joe a plug for his Ugly Meter Pro app. Joe said the pro version is the one they've been using for this whole thing. Joe said they hired some more programmers to do some more things for them. He said that they have Ronnie pushed to his limit right now so they should hire some security too.
Howard said he wishes Joe the best and he's sorry that Ronnie had that reaction to the app. Howard said Ronnie is a ladies man and he knows this is a blow to that. Howard said it's hard for him to have people yelling out that he's a zero.
Joe said that this should affect Jon more than Ronnie. He said that he's in there in a suit every day and has to do his thing. Joe said that he handled it very well.
Ronnie came back in and said that he's calm. He said that Joe came in here and took his picture and got his publicity. He said that he sold a lot of apps and made a lot of money. Then he went on Superfan and attacked him personally with his personal life. He said he didn't have to do that. Joe said they called him to do that show. Ronnie said he never attacked this guy in his personal life. He said he just said that he thought his app was bullshit. He said he didn't attack him personally. He said that's what fucking got him. Ronnie said there was no reason for that. Howard said he does talk about that on the air though. Ronnie said that's his personal life. Howard said he can't be mad at him for talking about going to strip clubs. Ronnie said he doesn't need this guy attacking him for this stuff. He said he really doesn't care. Howard said he seems like a guy who cares too much.
Howard said that this is not a personal thing when they talk about him going to strip clubs. That's something he has talked about on the air. Ronnie said he's trying to make a point and it's hard to talk to him about this stuff. Howard said he's tried to have conversations with Ronnie and it's very hard sometimes.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said Ronnie might need a time out. He said he's really worked up over this. He said that Ronnie isn't an ugly guy and it's just a joke. Howard said Ronnie is taking it pretty hard. Janks said he's going to end up having a heart attack. Joe said he came on to calm him down. Joe said all he did was sit there and he got him all worked up. He said he just wanted to shake his hand and be friends.
Howard said Ronnie is crazy. Fred had some clips of Ronnie talking about how he knows he's crazy. Robin said this is some odd thinking. Joe said it's showing that his psych test was legitimate. Robin said that he had some kind of borderline thing. Howard said he knows Ronnie scored the worst on that. Joe said he loves that Ronnie is still his right hand man.
Gary said that they described Ronnie as having severe paranoia or something like that. Howard said Ronnie left to cool down. Howard said he left the compound. Joe laughed. He said he feels bad for him. Howard said he really didn't do anything wrong.
Joe said he felt bad for Ronnie for about 2 minutes. Then he wondered what he could do to help. Howard said Ronnie got mad at him for saying he went to strip clubs. Joe said that's the day everyone lost respect for Ronnie.
Howard said he has told Ronnie he can't be the guy screaming about whores and strip clubs and then expect that to all go away. Joe said he was just trying to look at him and talk to him but he was yelling at him 12 inches away. Howard said he's exhausted from this. He said he has to end it. Fred played a Chyna clip and Howard had Joe repeat after that. Howard said he thinks they've had enough fun.
Howard said Joe wanted to come in and smooth things over but that didn't work. Joe asked if Benjy was fine with his score when he tested for the second time. Benjy said he got a 67. Benjy said that's a beginning. Joe said he thought that Benjy wanted a 90 or something. Howard said he dreams of a 67. Joe said he does too. Howard said he had to go to break. Gary had Ronnie's psych evaluation but Howard said he didn't want to get into that now. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from Eric the Midget. Eric asked him to quit calling him those names. Howard said he was sorry, he meant to say Actor. Howard said everyone is upset today.
Howard asked Eric what was on his mind. Eric said he has had enough of his fans online. Howard said he's trying to explain that to Ronnie. He said that if you want to have fame then you have to expect negative feedback. Howard said he blocks his fans that say negative things.
Eric said he has been blocked by Diana DeGarmo because of what Howard's fans say. Howard asked if people like that think it's him saying it. Eric said he was blocked from a Penthouse Pet who he met at the Viper Room because of these fuckers. Howard asked what these people are doing. Eric said that people say stupid ass bullshit about him and they put his Twitter name in it. Howard said that they could say that Eric wouldn't get to meet these people without the fans. Eric said that the fans have nothing to do with him getting to meet the Penthouse Pet. That's all because of Howard.
Howard asked what he wants him to do about it. Eric told him to tell his fans to leave him the fuck alone. Howard said a lot of his good stuff will go away if he does that.
JD came in and said that Eric does a lot of direct messaging and he may get himself blocked because of that. Howard said that he thinks that the Penthouse Pet might like all of the attention and maybe it is the direct messaging that gets him blocked. Eric said he was being nice to JD. He said he didn't know direct messaging him about playing PS3 was annoying. JD said that Eric was the one who contacted him about it. JD said he really doesn't play against anyone online. Howard said he would play Eric if he had a PS3. Eric said he plays MLB The Show 2012 and some MMA games and things like that. JD said maybe one day he'll do that with Eric. Howard told him to just do it. He said he'd play with every other idiot. JD said he doest play online at all. He said he only plays with Jon Hein and Steve Brandano. That's it.
Howard asked JD if he plays Guitar Hero. JD said they don't make anymore Guitar Hero games. He said it's all played out. He said he plays Tiger Woods now. Eric doesn't play that one.
Howard said Eric might be annoying people and that might be why he's getting blocked. Eric said that he hasn't DM'd Diana. He said he wasn't able to do that. Robin said she doesn't understand what the fans are doing that could get Eric blocked. Eric said they were harassing her and saying things. Howard said now that he's famous this kind of stuff will go on.
Robin asked what the big deal is about being blocked by Diana DeGarmo. Eric said he would like to follow all of those people. Howard asked Diana to please unblock Eric. Howard said he wants to know what she's writing so he can read it to Eric. Howard asked if she's verified. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he's freaked out that he can't read her stuff. Eric said he does miss some of what she's saying.
Howard read what Diana wrote yesterday. She had a post about something to do with American Idol. Howard read another one where she said she's finally heading back to L.A. and she can't wait to tell everyone about her adventures. Howard asked if he really misses that. Howard continued reading and found some more posts within her Retweets. Howard read a few of those to Eric and Eric liked some of what he was reading. Howard read about how she was going out hiking and putting on a sports bra. Howard said that is a good one. Robin said that must be what he misses. Eric said he does. Howard said he understands now. Howard said he wants Eric to get back on Diana's twitter account. Howard said he had another good one. She wrote how she took a monster shit. Howard said she had another one where she says that the midgets in The Wizard of Oz are gross. Howard said he was just kidding about that though.
Howard said they say that Eric has 4,000 more followers than Diana does. Howard said that's the price of fame. He thanked Eric for the call and moved on.
Howard said when you put a hologram up there it's not really the essence of Tupac. Howard said it's a made up rendition of the guy. Howard said he's being orchestrated and you don't know what he really would have done. Howard said they might take this tech and have John Lennon on stage with Paul McCartney or something some day. Howard said he thinks that the real Tupac would say this is bullshit and he wouldn't have said what he said. Howard said he would love to have Hank the Angry Dwarf on AGT as a hologram but that just wouldn't be right. He said that the idea of the hologram is never going to be right because the artist isn't really there. Howard said he wishes he knew the author's name but he gets what he was saying in that article. His name was Russell Potter.
Howard said that David Hinckley said that his court defeat could be ours too. Howard said if you work and have a contract with a corporation then good luck to you. Howard said if you sign a contract and they don't abide by it then good luck. Howard said he's suing because he doesn't think that they abided by their contract.
Howard read what Hinckley wrote and he says that it's about what he's owed and not about if he has enough money or not. Howard said there are big radio corporations that have stiffed him. Howard said that it's almost not worth signing a contract. Howard said that other people who say that this is no big deal will have the same station some day.
Howard said one guy attacked him and said that he didn't get the money but he's still ugly. Howard played the audio of that reporter. Howard said that was a guy in Oklahoma talking about him like that.
Howard said he took a big risk going to satellite radio. He said he felt he should share in their profits if he helped them get to where they're at.
Howard read more of this Hinckley article and Hinckley talks about what he was saying on the air about his contract. Howard said he can still make the argument that he helped keep this company afloat. Howard read more of the article. He said that this can happen to anyone. Robin said there are some news people who ignore the real story. The put a twist on the real story. Howard said they say that he makes enough money but there are Billionaires with billions of dollars. He said that it's an absurd argument. Howard said that guy who says he's still ugly is so angry. He replayed that clip. He said that guy will stay in Oklahoma the rest of his career. He said he hopes he gets fucked over with his contract too. He said he can't wait until they fire his ass when he gets old.
Howard said he's not sure why people have to pay for their subscriptions because they should have enough money. Howard said oil companies have enough money so why do they keep charging for gas? Howard said that argument doesn't make sense.
Howard played another clip of a reporter talking about he got a big pay day so why is he trying to get more? Howard laughed. He said that they're big, dumb robots. Howard said he can't believe the logic. One of the reporters said he had enough money so he didn't need another big payday. Howard said they hate him because they're not making the kind of money he's making. Howard said he's making that money because he's worth it. Howard said he can't be replaced, they can. Howard said it's that simple. There is one Howard Stern and 10 billion of them. Howard said they're ordinary broadcasters who do nothing. Howard said even if they're at the top of their game they can still be replaced.
Howard said he makes more money than Ryan Seacrest. Howard said Ryan is replaceable. Howard said he doesn't understand that argument about how he has enough money so he shouldn't make more. Howard said he earned that money.
Howard said a deal is a deal and that's what his case was about. Howard said he would like to ask the judge if she spent time reading that contract or was this a personal thing. He said he has that feeling. He said he will accept that and he will appeal the case. Howard said the idea that the contract doesn't matter is crazy.
Howard played another news report where the reporter talked about how he'll be just fine with the money he already has. Howard said he sued them because he earned that money. That's why he's doing this. He played another clip where the reporters were talking about his big payday and how he has enough already. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Howard said he signed a contract promising him something and then they stopped paying him after the merger. Howard said he can't understand the judge's decision.
Howard said the judge was basically saying he got enough when they merged. Howard said that he did get a separate thing but that was put in at the end of his negotiations just in case the company was taken over. Howard said that was a separate deal. Howard said he could have been fucked if they had been taken over by XM. Howard said he had to put something in the contract to protect him. He said that had nothing to do with his bonus.
Howard said that judge really shoved it up his ass. Howard said he doesn't believe that judges don't have a personal feeling about these cases. Howard said he read about how these judges can change their decisions based on them being tired. He said that they are human beings. He said maybe the judge saw Butt Bongo Fiesta and thought he was disgusting. Howard said maybe she just thought that he had enough money and that was that.
Howard said he worked in some real shitholes over the years. He said he paid his dues and he still thinks he's entitled to this. Howard said David Hinckley got it and he appreciates that. Howard said David said it wasn't about the money he has, it's about the contract. Howard said the merger happened because of him. Howard said the judge missed that whole thing. He said she must have been out to lunch that day.
Robin said the judge said that he wasn't responsible for them being there because they don't pay to hear him. Howard said they are there under one umbrella because of him. He said he made that merger possible. Howard said that people think he has enough money so maybe Sirius XM should stop taking money from the listeners. They have enough money. Howard said it really doesn't make sense.
Howard said those are his fellow, dumb, broadcasters. Howard said he wants the name of the reporter from Oklahoma. Gary said it's Joe Gumm. Howard said that Joe Gumm just doesn't get it. Howard said he wasn't crying poverty. He was asking for what he was due.
Howard said he got screwed by the station he was working for before WNBC. Howard said they said he was going to NBC so they didn't have to pay him for what he was owed. Howard said the union wouldn't even stick up for him because they didn't like his kind of broadcasting. Howard said they're all broadcasters so it shouldn't matter. Howard said it's all bullshit. He said that he thinks that happened with this case too. He said he'd bet that the judge just didn't like Howard Stern.
Howard said these broadcasters are what he doesn't get. He said they're so happy like they just won the lottery because he didn't win. Howard said David pointed out that it's bad for all of them. They can get screwed by their contracts too and then they'll understand that he was right. Howard said these anchorman have heads full of air. He said they're failed actors and not like Walter Cronkite. Howard said he guarantees that Joe Gumm is a bubble head. Howard said the point will be lost on him forever. Howard said Joe Gumm started out as a sports reporter so you can imagine what's on his mind. He's really hit the big time in Oklahoma.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that if they were off by a dollar with their contract he'd hope that Howard would sue. He said he's glad that Howard is suing them. He said he agrees with Howard's argument about maybe Sirius has enough money too. The caller said that there is no language in the contract about how the subscribers are brought to the company. Howard said they did that on purpose. Howard said that it had to do with how many subscribers they have, period. Howard said that they used to screw people out of money when they'd make movies years ago. Howard said companies lie and cheat you. The caller said this is a stance for the little man too. He said that's what people should understand. Robin said that's what Hinckley was pointing out.
Gary said there was a guy who sued the movie company over Forrest Gump and the movie company said they didn't make any money with the movie. Howard said Art Buchwald had a similar problem. Howard said he only brings this up because people are curious about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's right but it's kind of a personal thing. Howard said everything about him is personal. Howard said some people get bored with what he's talking about but that's what he talks about. He said he talks about the stuff that's going on in his life. If he didn't talk about it then his fans would say he's avoiding talking about it and hiding something. He said he can't win.
Howard said the great thing is that you can turn off the radio and go listen to something else. Howard said he doesn't have people there against their will. He told that guy to get the fuck off his phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he read an article online about how this case can't be appealed. Howard said that he is allowed to appeal it. He said that story was not correct. The caller had some more stuff to say about it but Howard said he thinks they've talked about this enough. Howard told Gary to call Judd Apatow and ask him if it's okay to talk about this. He said he'd hate to upset Judd over that.
Howard said that he's going to be on Jimmy Fallon on May 9. He'll be on the Today show and The View on May 10. He said he will be doing The Talk on May 14th. Howard said he didn't know he was going to be doing it that day. Howard said Sharon asked him to do The Talk personally and he agreed to do it. Howard said he told her he was doing The View and she didn't care. Howard said he was trying to say he didn't have time to do it. He said if Sharon asked he had to do it. He said he can't say no to her. Robin said he should have said it was up to his agent. Howard said he didn't know what to do. He wished that Robin had been there.
Howard said that Richard's dad called in with a new message about their chickens going into his mother's flower bed and how Richard's mom wanted to shoot the chicken over that.
Howard played the clip and Richard's dad was saying that his mom was running around yelling about the chicken and asking where the gun was. She got upset that the rooster was in the flower box and she went out to shoot it. She wasn't able to do it when the rooster ran under his car. Richard's dad was also talking about their dogs catching an armadillo too.
Howard asked if the mom shot the rooster. Richard said she didn't but they'll probably trade it to someone for another rooster or a chicken. Howard said it sounds pretty wild over there. Richard said his dad has a gun rack full of guns at the house. He said that he has guns in the truck too.
Howard talked about the armadillo thing and Richard said he thinks that they carry leprosy. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said she did read that they can carry it.
Howard asked Richard who they called. Richard said it's a radio auction show like Tradio. Howard played the clip and in it they call this Radio Auction show and asked about some auctions coming up. The host said that they had to hold off on some of the auctions. They wanted to get an opening bid for this one thing but Richard was wondering about other stuff that hadn't started yet. They eventually hung up on him when he didn't give them a bid.
Howard said this is a weird format. Howard said that they call back and annoy them some more in this clip. Howard played more of the call and Sal gets through and tries to bid on something. He and Richard play a couple who yell at each other asking about the bids. The station manager gets on and says that they need the name of the bidder and not someone bidding for someone else. Sal calls back in and asked what this Taco Tico thing is at. The host says it's not available so Sal flips out and hangs up. He calls back again and tells them they're out of their cotton picking minds with some of the prices.
Howard said he'd like to hear a legitimate call to that show. He said they have some weird noises playing when they hang up on people too. Richard said they have a horn honk when someone wins an item or when it times out. Richard said the regular callers sound kind of like them. Howard said he'd like to hear what they sound like. Richard said he'd pull some clips.
Howard said he asked Gary why they don't call anyone else these days. Sal and Richard told Gary that they're pretty well known so it's hard. Richard said they are calling other people. He said they did that Jack and Rod Show thing last week. Howard said it was awful so don't keep pointing that out. Howard said he's done with auction calls.
Howard said he can't remember the last time he watched MTV. He said he's not into the Jersey Shore or any of that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy and asked if he wanted to win $500. He said he had that cash to give away thanks to the Ninja Kitchen System. Howard gave them a plug and had Fred play the jingle. Howard didn't like the jingle. He said that it's for the Beetlejuice game but they don't say that in the jingle. Howard said he hates it.
Howard said they have this game where they ask Beetlejuice a question and then 10 seconds later they ask the same question and the player has to guess if he will answer the same.
Howard played the first question which was ''Spell dog.'' Beet spelled it ''LES.'' The caller said that Beetle would not spell it the same way. Howard said he thinks he's making a mistake there. The caller said he was going to stick with it. Beet's second spelling was ''AERTE.'' Howard said he was shocked. Howard said Phil just won $500. Phil thanked him for that. Howard put him on hold.
Howard said that they're not really going to give him 500. They promise it to him and then don't pay him. He said he learned that there.
Howard said he has to play more of Beet's questions. He played one where he said he had two brothers. Then he gives the same answer a few seconds later. Beet was asked what his favorite thing to do in bed is. He said he likes to eat pussy and fuck. Then he says the same thing a few seconds later. Howard said he would have lost every one of those today. He said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Wendy the Retard gave it to him in the voice mail. He played a clip where she was complaining about how bored she was down there in Florida. Wendy said that she needs some money down there so she can have some fun. She said that she wants to come up there if he won't come down there.
Howard said Wendy called from the Walmart parking lot too. He played that clip and Wendy was talking about how she was in the parking lot from 9 in the morning until 1 in the morning. Howard said she just sits there. Wendy said she was thinking she'd be home around 1:30 or 2 in the morning. She said she needs to talk to Howard so she asked him to call her. Howard said he didn't call her. He said he probably should. Howard said everything amuses her. He said everything is like a video tame to her.
Howard said he forgot that High Pitch Eric had made out with Wendy. He said Eric was interviewed by Rachel fine from Fine Time. Howard said Rachel asked him very simple questions and Eric had a hard time answering the questions. She gave him an F, Marry Kill for Wendy, Gary the Retard and Big Foot. In the clip Eric said that was a tough one. He said he'd marry Wendy. He said he made out with her in Vegas. Then Eric was confused about what to do next. Howard said maybe he thought that he really had to go out and kill someone. Eric said he would have to kill Big Foot because he's a pain in the ass. He said he'd have to fuck Gary the Retard because he smells too much. Howard said he's not sure who is grosser, Wendy or Eric. Robin said on any given day it's a horse race.
Howard said he has a clip of Rihanna having a problem answering questions. He said that some woman asked her about her relationship with Ashton Kutcher and Rihanna just went ''Ugh'' and said that the reporter just asked such a disappointing question. Now she's gone down to Australia and the reporter down there upset her too. The reporter asked how frustrating it is when she's linked to someone in show business. Rihanna said that it was almost as frustrating as being asked about it. The reporter said that's where the interview abruptly ended.
Howard said Rihanna is a screwball. He said she has such an attitude. Howard said she's rumored to be following Chris Brown a lot too.
JD came in and said that Rihanna likes to talk about going out on dates with people on Twitter. Howard said she's weird. Howard said she must be some head case. Howard said it must be tough for her manager to deal with.
Howard said Michelle Bachman used the term ''tar baby'' and he thought that was like using the N-word. Robin said that it's not supposed to be thrown around. Robin said that it is derogatory but she's not sure what the whole story is there.
Gary said that her campaign manager was saying that she was saying that the person is getting into a sticky situation. Fred read a definition of what it can mean and it wasn't like using the N-word. Howard said he just likes knocking Michelle Bachman when he can. Howard played the audio and Bachman said it's like waving a tar baby in the air... Howard said he's going to stick with it being an offensive term. Robin asked what it means that he's waving a tar baby around. Robin said that she has to go out of her way to use it. Gary said they say she used it wrong in the way she used it anyway. Howard said he just knows there's something wrong with that woman.
Howard and Robin were laughing at some of his lines. The kid sings about jacking off to this girl's Facebook pics. The song goes on for a couple of minutes. Howard said you have to see this guy. (Here's the video. Thanks to Keith for the link.) His name is Killa Karisma. Howard said he's just a kid though. Robin said she hopes that his parents can't hear this song. Howard said he has medals hanging on his wall. He said he might be a runner. Howard said he would explain to him that it's not cool to sing about this stuff. He said chicks don't dig that. Howard said he's going to come up with a song called ''I'm Fixing to Unfriend You'' for the girls on Facebook. Robin said that she hopes that this is just a joke.
Howard said that Joe Gumm has apologized for what he said. Howard said he said he has 4 daughters and he should know better. Gary said he must be getting bombarded by people on Twitter. Howard said that it doesn't matter. He said this kind of thing will happen over and over. He said he accepts his apology. He said maybe he should apologize on the air instead of on Twitter where he has 300 followers. Howard had to do a live commercial and go to break after that.
Howard said Jon is very busy with his new TV show. He said he's always out of town visiting fast food places around the country.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody to the tune of a Bee Gees song. Howard said he's glad they played the Bee Gees. Robin said she was going to talk about that. She said that Robin Gibb is out of his coma. He's suffering through colorectal cancer and his condition is still grave but he's out of his coma. Robin said he's lucid and talking to the family members who are there. Robin said they thought he was down for the count after he got pneumonia. Howard said he never did look very healthy. Howard said he's a very nice guy though. He said he was on the show and all of the guys were very nice to them.
Robin read about how a couple of guys are under arrest for setting some booby traps up on a hiking trail. Robin had some audio of some hikers talking about how dangerous it could be. Robin said some rangers found thee traps. Robin said that they found some leads on Facebook and they may have just been doing this for fun. Howard said they should be executed. Robin said they were arrested.
Robin read about police in Boston who arrested a man for exposing himself on a train. The woman who was exposed to made sure the guy didn't get away. She yelled for help and no one responded. Howard said he'd run the other way. He said most people would run to her assistance. Robin said the woman chased and caught this guy who exposed himself. He claimed that his shorts fell down because the train was so crowded. Robin said the police say this woman was very brave doing what she did. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about what she did and why she did it. Howard said he's proud of her for doing that. He said most people wouldn't. Robin said you shouldn't ignore cries for help on a train. Howard said he and Robin used to take the train and he felt that Robin is the one who should get involved. Howard said he can't do that himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about Jay Thomas leaving his show on Friday. Howard said he didn't know anything about that. The caller said Jay had some sore spot about being the voice of Jack in the Box or something and he walked off the show. Howard said it sounds like shtick. Gary said it was shtick. He said Tim knew he was leaving. Howard said that's just radio shtick. The caller said he had no idea. He said he had him fooled. Howard said he wishes he had heard it. He said he probably would have fallen for it too. He said that he feels like walking off the show. He said if they're ready to let him go he's ready to leave. He said if they're done with him then he'll leave. He did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about this prostitute who was all over the news. Robin said that she was the center of the Secret Service scandal. Howard said there are a lot of hot prostitutes out there these days. He said he can't believe these guys thought she was worth just $47. Howard said she was hot and they don't go for 47 dollars. Howard said if you're with the Secret Service you don't let the girl go out in the hall and complain. Robin said they say that 6 of the 11 members of the Secret Service have been let go. Robin said they say that one of the 12 has been put on administrative leave. Howard said this is kind of like Ronnie going nuts. He said he's their security guy and what do you do when that person goes nuts.
Howard said he read that Jason Segal is with Michelle Williams now. He said that he likes Jason and his movies. He said he's not sure how he got her. Howard said he looks like a young old guy and Michelle looks very young. Howard said he'd bet that he went after her for a long time like Benjy and Elisa. Howard said speaking of Benjy and Elisa, so many people hated them in the email. Howard read some of the email and people were complaining about how annoying the two of them are. One person asked what hypnotist Benjy used because he needs that person too. Howard said a lot of people tuned out. He said he's not sure if Judd Apatow tuned out though. Howard read some more email and had some feedback about John Cusack and how great his interview was. Howard said he got praise for his looks. He read about his AGT preview and how handsome he looked in that. The writer said he's stunning and has an amazing presence. Howard said they are photographing him from the right hand side and that's his best side. Howard said the left side is his enemy. Howard said TV Guide asked for some pictures and he took some from the left and he looks like a monster. He said he's like a monster from the left. He's not so bad from the right. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who gave a kidney to her boss and then got fired. Robin said she worked at a company that owned a few car dealerships. Robin said the woman feels that she was groomed to give up her kidney. She claims that she got yelled at for mistakes after giving up her kidney. Robin said that the woman who gave up her kidney didn't actually give it up for this woman. She did a trade for the woman so she could get a kidney. Robin said they claim that this woman was yelled at for not returning to work fast enough after giving up her kidney. Robin said this is the woman who gave the kidney's account of the whole thing. Howard said if he got a kidney he'd tell the person to do whatever she wants short of killing someone. Howard said the reason Scott the Engineer is still there is because he gave him a kidney. He said Fred did the same thing. They're not going anywhere.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she can't stand Lisa G anymore. She said that she's insane about the whole Benjy and Elisa thing. The caller said that she was right next to Lisa G and she wouldn't even say hello to the fans. The caller also said that she thinks Debbie the Pet Lady is a fake. Howard said she's about as real as they get in his opinion. The caller said Howard didn't know Artie was on drugs either. Howard said she's right about that. The caller said she thinks Debbie's act is all a ruse. Howard said Gary's mom was like that and he thinks it's real too. Gary said you can see it if you look her in the eye. Howard said some people don't like Lisa G apparently. The caller, Lisa, said ''most people...'' Howard let her go a short time later.
Robin read about John Edwards and how he's gotten into some trouble over his mistress and how he gave her some money from his campaign in 2008. Robin said that Edwards is still with his wife but the spark just isn't there anymore. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thought all of the bullshit was over when he moved to Sirius. Howard said it was a very good experience up until about a year ago. He said he has been able to be a big part of the company but he has mixed emotions how. Howard said he hated terrestrial radio and it was awful. He said everything about it was horrible. He said the ratings, the shenanigans and the management were awful for the most part. He said not everyone was bad. Howard said the FCC thing was the worst. He said now they can say fuck once in a while and no one freaks out. He said they should have free speech on terrestrial radio too. He said kids hear it all on the internet all day long.
the caller asked if he thinks he'll be with AGT more than one season. Howard said he has to go to Vegas next week and he hates the travel. He said the schedule is a nightmare. He said they moved the show to New York but now he has to shoot the show in Newark and that's like an hour away. He said they treat him wonderfully but he's not sure if he'll do another season. He said he'll wait to see how America likes the show. The caller said he'll be watching even though he's not usually a fan of that show.
Howard said he just heard that Will Murray was in Newark recently and it took him an hour and a half to get out. Will said the traffic didn't move. He said he went to a Nets game and no one even cares about the Nets. Howard said they might as well have gone to the Poconos. Gary said they could helicopter him over there. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Howard asked Ronnie how long it's going to take him to get out of Newark at night. Ronnie came in and said it's hard to say but if there's construction it might take a while. He said with no traffic it should take 45 minutes. Gary said that sometimes at the tunnel there is traffic because the EZ pass lanes are closed. Howard said he had talks with these guys and he thought they were going to do something in the city. He said he could have had something within 20 minutes. Howard said now they have to go to Newark. Howard said he has a radio show to do and he's going to have to deal with that. Ronnie said it won't make sense to stay there because he has to be at work in the morning.
Howard said they do a show on Tuesday nights from 8-10. He said that's going to be tough. Howard said he'll be wide awake. Howard said Wednesday night he has to do a show from 9-10. He said that's fine because he doesn't have to get up on Thursday. He said he's not too psyched about it.
Howard said Ronnie has to figure out a way to get there. Ronnie said they'll figure out something. He said the Newark cops were cool when they did the pay-per-view out there. He said he'll work on getting something set up.
Howard had some audio of Joe Gumm apologizing on his news broadcast. Howard played the audio and Joe was saying he was sorry for the stupid comment he made. He said Howard has zillions of fans out there and he should have known better than to say what he said. He said he was sorry to Howard and Robin and all of his fans. He said he should be an example for his kids and he's very sorry for what he did. He hopes that Howard will accept his apology. Howard said he does accept it. Howard said what really bothers him is that they don't understand that they're getting fucked over in this business if he gets fucked over with his contract. Howard said he's not offended by him calling him ugly. He said he's got a thick skin. He thanked him for apologizing though. Howard said they're on the same team. They're both entertainers.
Robin read a story about how student loans could be doubling soon. She read some details about that.
Robin read about Meta World Peace (Ron Artest) being ejected from a game over the weekend. Robin said he elbowed another player in the head and was thrown out. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read about George Zimmerman being out on bail and how he apologized to the family for what happened. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how the family felt it was insincere. Howard said he's fascinated with the hearing. Howard said that some people felt he came off sincere and some feel he was innocent in this. Howard said these people who think he's innocent have some kind of explanation for why he got out of his car and got into an altercation with the kid. Howard said some people don't think he did anything bad. Benjy said there's some controversy about whether or not he was in his car and then got out or if he was out of his car looking for the kid. Benjy said if he was following the guy and the guy attacked him physically then what do you do? Howard said he would run.
Ralph called in and said he doesn't think he should freak out about Newark. He said that it should be fine mid-week at night. Howard said that it took Will an hour and a half to get out. Ralph said it won't be that hard to get out of there. He told Howard not to worry. Howard said Ralph doesn't even drive.
Howard said he can't believe Ralph gave up on Game of Thrones. He said the show is so good. Ralph said he'll give it a try then. He gave up after the first couple of episodes. Ralph said it seems like it's just too much to handle. Ralph asked if it's better than Breaking Bad. Howard said nothing is better than Breaking Bad. Howard said that's the best show on TV. He said it's better than Dexter and even The Walking Dead. Ralph told him not to get crazy.
Howard told Ralph that the underwear he got him fit perfectly. He said that it was a size 42. Ralph said they're not actually a 42 but he'll get him a thousand pair if they fit in that size. Howard said he's back to wearing tighty whiteys. He said he knows Robin likes those tight underwear that makes his belly hang over. Howard said you can see the cellulite on his thighs and ass now.
Robin said that George Zimmerman is going to be in hiding until his trial. Robin read about a woman who suffered a heart attack at the Heart Attack Grill in Los Angeles. Howard asked how you explain that when you have a lot of heart attacks at the Heart Attack Grill. Robin said they say she was eating, drinking alcohol and smoking when she had her heart attack.
Robin read about Oprah Winfrey possibly having a wedding on her OWN network. She might be doing that just to get ratings for her network. Howard said they just fired the head of Disney and maybe Oprah should hire him. He said that they had Peter Lagouri running her show for a while and maybe they need someone like that running her network. Howard said if he was Oprah he'd put on the wedding and then eat out Gayle King live on the network. Robin told him to stop that. Howard said he won't stop it. He said she has to sink to his level of broadcasting to get her ratings up. Howard said he would have Gayle spread her legs and have Oprah go right down on her. Howard said it would be just one special. He said he's not saying either one of them are gay but they could go down on each other just once. Howard said he would be so into that. Howard said Oprah needs something on there to get ratings. He said she could do ''Inside Oprah's Asshole.'' Robin said that's what Jimmy Kimmel was doing for her. He came up with a bunch of inappropriate show ideas. Howard said he has more ideas.
Robin read about Pete Townshend writing a book. She had some audio of Pete talking about that. Howard didn't understand what he was saying since they had music playing over his voice.
Robin read about Randy Jackson paying tribute to Dick Clark. Howard had the audio but he deleted it accidentally. Howard said he tried watching American Idol but those judges put zero effort into the show. Howard eventually got the clip of Randy back and played that. Randy talked about how much Dick Clark meant to him and how he ''helped to born'' some shows. Howard goofed around with that for a few seconds. He came up with some more Oprah show ideas. He suggested ''Oprah Vs. A Milkshake'' where she'd have to fend off a milkshake ever day.
Robin read about Neil Diamond and had Howard playing some of his music. Ronnie came in and said he's going with Brian Phelan to the Neil Diamond concert.
Robin read about how the movie ''Think Like a Man'' was the number one movie at the box office. Robin said it knocked off Hunger Games. Robin said the movie wasn't reviewed well but it did very well. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon and Gary also talked about Sal and Richard constantly prank calling Tradio and Tradio-like shows. Gary said he thinks they're too into that. He said they should try other things and maybe do more Jack and Rod show stuff. Gary said they did try one last week but it didn't work. He said he told them how to cut it so maybe it does work.
Jon also brought up the concerns Howard has about the traffic in Newark and worrying about it a few months ahead of time. Gary said he will run into some trouble and it will be a pain in the ass. Gary said he lived in the city and people would ask him to go out to shows and games. He said the stuff would be over and it would take forever to get home. He said Howard is going to get home around 11 and maybe not get in bed until Midnight.
Benjy wondered why they went to Newark and didn't stick to New York. Gary said it wasn't financial reasons. He said that it was all explained to him by the producers. He said he's feeling like the wife whose husband used to beat her and he's getting the feeling he's going to get beaten again. He said he feels that Howard is going to be miserable and he fears the randomness of that and how it's going to hit him. He said that is lurking around the back of his brain right now.
Jon said that JD was talking about not playing against people online on Playstation. JD said he really doesn't play anyone. He said it's very limited when he does. Gary asked if he would play him. JD said he might play him but he doesn't want to play strangers. He said he has tried playing Call of Duty and he gets killed immediately. He said he hates that and he doesn't need people telling him how much he sucks.
Gary said his kids play games online and when you play random people the language is insane. He said he only lets his kids play their friends now. He said that it's grown ups playing against kids. JD said he doesn't want anyone playing him and knowing it's him and then blasting out that he's on there. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie why he got in his face the way he did. Ronnie said he didn't do anything wrong. Jon said he didn't say he did. Jon asked what the real reason is that he's so upset with the guy. Ronnie said that the whole thing was fine and he wasn't really upset about the 0. He said it went to the Wrap Up Show and then to Best of the Week and the guy got all of that advertising. He said it was when he was on Superfan Roundtable that really got him upset. He said he was attacking him personally and that's what upset him. He said the guy brought up things that are none of his business. Ronnie said he didn't bring up anything that the guy does outside of here.
Gary asked if he said something that he didn't hear on the show. Ronnie said he didn't but this guy is getting free advertising. Gary said that's what a lot of guests do. He said if Jonah Hill comes in to promote a movie he's getting free plugs. Ronnie said he gets it. He said no one sees it his way.
Jon said he's trying to understand the way he sees it. Ronnie said he feels that this guy was using the show. He said he thinks he got the guys on the show riled up and that's what happened. He said he got them riled up once and then came back to do it again. He said he's guaranteed to get back on Best of the Week again this week.
Gary said the reason this whole thing is being perpetuated is because of Ronnie's reaction to it. Ronnie said he knows that and that's why he thinks he planned it. Benjy said maybe he's using mind control on him. Ronnie told him to shut up.
Jon Leiberman asked Ronnie if he thinks that he's responsible for the app going into the top 10 again this morning. Ronnie said he never said it was him. He said it's the show that got the app there. Ronnie said it's fine to come in and promote your app but it wasn't right to do it the way he did. He said that when the dog shit gets a 2 and he gets a 0 then there's something wrong there.
Gary asked why he thinks he was targeted. Ronnie said he knows that people can turn his screws. Shuli said that Ronnie has been putting 0.0 effort into not getting upset about this stuff. Ronnie said he doesn't need his shit today. He said he spends weekends with him and that's more than enough. Shuli said both Ronnie and Jon were upset about their scores. Leiberman said he wasn't sleepless for 3 nights either. Ronnie said that's what he told him. He said it was more than one night. Leiberman said it wasn't more than one.
Jon asked Ronnie why he won't do the app again. Ronnie said that guy was trying to be friends with him today. He said he knows the guy got what he wants and he got two weeks of ads. He said he should make tons of money because he's on fire.
Leiberman said that Ronnie pushed Sal out of the way when he went into the studio. Ronnie said Sal grabbed him by the jacket so that's why he pushed him. Ronnie said he should know that he's not going to do anything wrong.
Jon said Ronnie left and then came back in to look the guy in the eye. Ronnie said he wasn't going to hit him. He said he just wanted to look him in the eye. Jon said that some people thought he was losing it. Benjy asked if Ronnie would have walked in if someone there had done the same thing. Ronnie said he would have but that's because it's his job. Leiberman said he heard that there was more security out in the hall when he went in there. Ronnie said there was someone out there but he was already out of there by the time he showed up. Ronnie said he doesn't like the guy.
Jon asked about Ronnie pushing Sal away. Ronnie said he grabbed him by the jacket. He's going to push someone away if they grab his jacket. Gary said he didn't want to see Ronnie go too far and get hurt so he came in too. He said Sal was trying to hold him back. Ronnie said he felt he was fucking with him.
Sal said that Ronnie has to be the only security guy who has had security called him. Ronnie asked how he knows that. Gary said he knows he went in there to intimidate him. Ronnie said the guy was running his mouth about everything and he wanted to be up front and see what he had to say. He said he wanted to be face to face.
Jon asked if it was tough walking him out. Ronnie said he was fine and he did his job. Ronnie said the guy said it was all about business and he told him to enjoy it. He said he told him to spend it all on his 5 year old and wife. Jon had to go to another break after that.
Jon asked Sal if he felt that Ronnie could have lost it in the studio. Sal said he doesn't think Ronnie was seeing straight while he was yelling. He said he was angry and he could see the look on his face. Sal said at one point he was on his knees and he thought he was going to punch him in the nuts.
Gary asked Sal if he was putting signs on Ronnie's back today. Sal said he did put a 0 sign on his back when he told him to go in and tell Joe that he sounds like Chyna. Sal said he was like in pit bull mode during that while thing. Sal said he crumbled and it was kind of pathetic.
Ralph called in and said he thinks that Ronnie is in cahoots with this app guy. He said that the app would have been dead if Ronnie didn't go back in there. Ronnie said he didn't have any intention of going in there until Howard started calling him a pussy. Gary asked why he wasn't able to keep his cool. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He can't remember exactly what he said about him on Superfan Roundtable. He said he didn't go after him personally.
Ronnie was still worked up so Ralph asked if he can start hating Champion Magazine so they can get some plugs too. He said it's just a stupid app. Ronnie said he just cares about the way the guy personally attacked him.
Jon said that Ronnie was saying that Gary should have been a zero too. Ronnie said he never said he should. Ronnie said he just said that he Gary would have let it roll off his back if he had gotten a zero. Gary said the absurdity that Ronnie is taking it seriously... Ronnie said he doesn't take it seriously. He said he's not upset with the app, he's upset with ''him.'' He said this isn't about the ugly app, it's about the other shit about him.
Jon said he understands that the guy gets under his skin but he thinks that he's upset about the app too. Ronnie said he's not upset with the app. Leiberman said he thinks he is upset about the score. Jon asked if he was upset with his score of 18. Leiberman said that he is kind of upset about it. He said 18 is an actual ugly score when 0 is just a problem with the app.
Gary said he thinks that Ronnie took it very hard. Leiberman said that Joe talked about Ronnie going to strip clubs and stuff. That's nothing that didn't come out on the Stern Show. Ronnie sounded frustrated and just said ''Ugh...'' They had to end the show aroudn that time anyway. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how the company has 20 million subscribers but only half of them count. Howard asked which side you're on.
Howard said their old friend Al Roker is going to stop by today. He said he will stop by before he has to go to the Today show. Robin said she thinks he does something on the Weather channel and then does his NBC thing on the Today show. Howard said he feels kind of ties into that show since he wrote that article for Time magazine about Matt Lauer. Howard said it's kind of crazy though. Howard said he was named one of Time Magazine's most wonderful people and David Spade wrote the article about him. Howard said Matt was able to ask 3 people to write his piece for Time. Howard said Time then contacts those people. Howard said he wasn't able to pick anyone to write his. Howard said he doesn't cooperate with those kind of things usually.
Howard said Matt asked him to write the article and two others were asked too. Howard said he never heard from Time or Matt so he just assumed they chose someone else. Howard said he was sitting around and never heard anything. Then he got an email from Matt who said they were trying to get in touch with him and he wasn't hearing anything. Howard said he was happy he didn't have to write anything. He said it feels like an assignment to him. He said he didn't want to deal with it. He said he's a better talker than a writer.
Howard said he told Matt he'd be more than happy to write the piece but he didn't hear anything from the people at Time. Howard said their agent was in France at the time so maybe the message got lost. Howard said Time got in touch with him and they asked him to write this piece. Howard said no one got in touch with him but he'd write it. Howard said he had to do America's Got Talent that day but on Thursday he'd write it and get it to them over the weekend. They said they needed it the next day. Howard said he wasn't available but they had a deadline. Howard said that was his problem and not theirs. Howard said he couldn't say no.
Howard said to make it easy on him the woman said she'd interview him, write it up and send it to him. Howard said about 3 seconds in the woman said she had enough. Howard said they sent it to him and he felt that it would be insulting. Howard said no one can write that for you. He said you have to do it yourself.
Howard said he had Larry Ratso Sloman help him write his book but he had to put it in his own words. Howard said he started writing this Time article because he had his name on it. He said he quickly got that together and now it's in Time.
Howard said that Matt was very excited that he wrote this article. Howard said it became all about him and Matt wasn't too thrilled with that but he liked it. Howard said you have to make sure you don't make a eulogy about yourself and that's kind of what he did with this article.
Howard said he heard that Al found this bounty hunter for the new show through J-Lo. Al said it was someone from her production company found him. Howard asked if they compare him to Dog the Bounty Hunter. Al said they do. He said this guy is a little cleaner.
Howard asked Al about the new show. Al said the show airs on Spike at midnight. He said the show is pretty gritty so that's why they have it on so late. He said it's mostly the language. Al said J-Lo doesn't have a lot to do with the show but she does know about it.
Howard said this sounds like a vanity thing for J-Lo. Howard said that's like what he had with his production company. Howard said the problem with that was that it was taking up all of his life. Howard said he turned to his agent and said he had to get out of it. Howard said every show they pitched was picked up. Howard said his therapist told him that he had to say no to something so he said he was done. Howard said he told his agent he was done and that was that. Howard said he got out and now he's happy.
Howard said J-Lo must not be showing up to anything. Al said she does. She didn't show up to the premiere or to any meetings though. Howard said Al is doing all of the work. Al said he's not doing all of the work. Howard said they both get 50 percent though. Al said that's right. Al said it's great and he has no problem with J-Lo or her production company. Al said she's busy so he's out doing the promotion. Howard asked how busy she could be.
Al told Howard that he thinks he's going to save their network. Howard said he's going to be on America's Got Talent but he's not sure that's saving the network. Al said they're going to exploit Howard as much as possible. Howard said he will be on the Today show in May. He will be doing an interview with Matt Lauer. Howard said he will do The View too.
Al asked if he's going to do anything with him. Howard said he thinks he might be. He said his agent told him he will be doing something with him. Howard said he wants to get back to Al.
Howard said the bounty hunter show is what Al is producing now. Al said that's right. He said that it's a fun show. Robin asked what kind of criminals they're retrieving. Al said it's all types. He said that this guy is very compact and tough. He said he thinks that he could beat up Dog the Bounty Hunter. Al said the guy is ex-military and he's very soft spoken. He said that you go out with him and see what's really going on. He said he has a crew with him and he has a couple of guys that go out with him. Howard said it sounds like the A-Team.
Howard asked Al if he sits down with his agent, when he sees Matt Lauer making a $30 million deal at NBC, and asks for more money. Al said he has a couple more years on his contract and he thinks that NBC will be fair. Howard asked if he thinks that they'll make changes now that Matt has that deal. Al said he thinks they'll be fair.
Howard asked Al if he's afraid to ask for that kind of money because he's afraid that they'll get rid of him. Al said they don't even know for sure what kind of money he's really getting. Howard said he saw the check and it was 30 million. Howard asked Al what he makes. Al said he will never talk about what he makes. He said no one cares. Howard said he should brag.
Howard asked Al if he's allowed to endorse products. Al said he can but he hasn't. He said he turned down a 7 figure deal to endorse a hospital group. Howard asked if he gained back the weight he gained after his surgery. Al said he did but he lost it too. Howard said he does look good. Al said he needs to have a goal. He said he does weights and yoga and things. He said he tried the hot yoga and it was disgusting. Robin said she likes that.
Howard talked to Al about doing an F, Marry Kill with Katie Couric, Meredith Viera and Deborah Norville. Al didn't know what that game was. Howard said that he has to Fuck one, marry one and kill one. Al said that he thinks Meredith was one of his favorites. He said that she's like ''hey, whatever'' with everything. Howard asked if he's saying that he'd marry her. Al said that he would not kill either of the other two. Howard said that Meredith he'd marry so who would he F? Al said that he would pick Matt Lauer. Howard asked if it would be Katie. Al said ''why not...'' Howard asked who he would kill. Howard said Al has to kill one of them. Al said it would have to be Deborah Norville. He said that's only because she wasn't there that long.
Howard asked Al if he can say that he likes someone more than someone else that he's worked with. Al said that's tough. Howard said he thinks he could say that if he worked with someone other than Robin. Al said Howard can't do that because he hasn't worked with anyone else.
Howard said there was a rumor that Al had sex with Katie Couric. Al said there is no rumor. Howard asked if he's attracted to any of these women. Al said they're attractive women so of course he would be attracted. Howard asked if Al is upset that he hasn't been made a host. Al said he's happy doing what he does. Howard said he kind of flies under the radar. Al said that Willard Scott told him to never give up his day job and just ride the train.
Al asked Howard if they think they'd have the same kind of success without each other as they do as a group. Howard said probably not. Al said that's what it's like at the Today show.
Howard asked Al if Matt is the leader of the group over there. Al said he kind of is. He said he is the co-anchor. Al said the great thing about the group is that they are in fact kind of a team. Howard asked Al if he thinks he could beat up Matt if he had to. Al said if he caught him off guard he might. He said he thinks that Matt would fight cleanly but he wouldn't.
Howard said Matt went on vacation recently and they lost to Good Morning America after 16 years of beating them. Al said that was kind of tough. Al said they don't like losing a streak like that. He said no one will ever duplicate that streak again. Al said they were back up the next week so they'll win by a huge margin again. Howard said that Matt must be full of himself after something like that. Al said he thinks that Good Morning America does a good show. He said he doesn't think it's better than theirs. He said he thinks that they struggle the day after Dancing with the Stars and they lost Sheri Sheppard and they had her on GMA the next day. He said that ABC does very well with their prime time shows too so they were doing very well that week.
Howard asked Al if they were upset that they brought Sarah Palin on the Today show. Al said he wasn't at all. Howard said he must get upset when they call someone like her a co-anchor. Al said it was just a stunt. He said at the end of the day everything is fine.
Howard asked Al who he thinks is hotter, Palin or Katie Couric. Al said it's a toss up. Robin told him to do an F, Marry, Kill with them. Al said he's not going to answer that.
Howard asked Al if he agrees politically with Palin. Al said he does not. He said he didn't mind that she was there though. Howard asked if he holds her responsible for the ratings going down. Robin said they didn't go down.
Howard asked Al if he was upset that Katie had gone on GMA. Al said he was not. He said that it's a very competitive thing to do the morning shows. He said that Katie is working for ABC so she's getting paid to do that kind of thing. Howard said that it kind of sucks to have your former colleague doing a show like that. Al said he's surprised that it took them that long to have her on.
Howard said he read about Al being on a flight that Alex and Eddie Van Halen were on. They were all in first class. Al said they were coming back from Los Angeles. Howard said he figured they'd have their own jet. Al said he thought the same thing.
Al was sitting next to Alex Van Halen and Alex's wife was in the center. Al said this all started in the Admiral's club. He said that they asked him if he wanted to switch seats. Al said he hates the center seat because you're at the bulkhead and people cross there. He said that he needed some sleep on the flight and he didn't want to switch seats. Howard said Al had booked the flight ahead of time. He was on the aisle. Al said they asked him to move and they said it was Eddie Van Halen. Al said he doesn't know what Eddie Van Halen looks like. He said he's more of a Bon Jovi fan anyway.
Al said that Eddie came up to him and told him that he was the guy who was coming between his brother and his wife. Al said he told him what he was thinking about the seat and why he didn't want to change it. Al said that the wife got on the plane and she was pitching a fit. Al said she said it was the worst seat on the plane. She wanted him to take it. Al said he's not going to take that seat. He said that maybe Eddie should have switched with her.
Al said the woman was pitching a fit on the plane and he just wanted to get on and sit down. Al said that it was just 6 hours that she had to sit there. Al said that he has had the same thing with his wife. Al said that Alex couldn't be nicer about the whole thing. He said he could tell that he was mortified with the wife's behavior. Al said they asked him to move to 3B but the guy over there had a dog. Al said he's allergic to dogs and he doesn't want to sit next to a dog. Al said they asked him to move and he said he's not going to do that.
Al said this woman was throwing things down and Alex was trying to calm her down. Al said she didn't want to sit next to him by switching with Alex. Al said the flight attendant came up and said that they could sit in Business class. Al said that they made the switch and the wife insulted them too. She was upset that they weren't getting out of their seats fast enough.
Howard said that Alex and Eddie were lovely people but not that wife. Al said he was just trying to get home. He said he didn't do anything wrong. Al said that their people leaked it to the paper though and they made him out to be the bad guy. Al said they should book ahead and not get upset about this kind of thing. Al said that Eddie could have gotten a private plane too. He said the wife should have put her big girl pants on and shut up.
Howard asked if the wife was hot. Al said there are some pictures online. He said in every picture the woman looks like someone took a wiz in her Cheerios. He said she doesn't look happy.
Al said Page Six got that story and he refused to comment. Al said it was on the heels of the Alec Baldwin thing so they were pointing out how crazy the NBC people are. Howard said Al took the high road and he wondered if he went to bed fuming. Al said he didn't. He said he was able to sleep on the plane so that's what counts.
Howard saw a picture of Alex's wife and said she does look pretty hot. Al said there were people waiting for them to get autographs and stuff. Al said he didn't even tell his wife about this when he got home. He said he didn't even think about them once it was done.
Howard said he wouldn't let go of that story if that was him. He said he gets crazy from stuff like that. Howard said Al must have had wonderful parents. Al said that he does miss his parents. He said they weren't perfect but they were pretty wonderful. Al said that there's a wonderful documentary called ''Being Elmo'' and he could relate. He said the story about the parents was very similar. He said his parents believed in him.
Howard said he walks around with such anger himself. Al said he got whacked around a bit. He said back in the day they did some spanking. Al said that he painted the side of his parents house and he got in some big trouble for that. Howard said he once took the furniture in his room and he'd chew on it. Al laughed and said he's like a beaver. Howard said he really was.
Howard asked Al if he spanked his kids. Al said he did not. He said he'd use a time out or a tazer. He was joking of course.
Howard said the reason Al is there is to promote this TV show where they follow a bounty hunter. Howard said he should send some shows to Al based on characters from the show. Howard said Debbie the Pet Lady is one they could follow. Howard said he wants to do what J-Lo is doing and just pass along a show. Al said that would be great.
Howard said Al was madly in love with Sue Simmons when he worked with her. Al said that she was great and he never did ask her out. Howard said he's not sure she'd be into a guy like Al. Al said he might be right. Al said he loved working with her though. He said you never knew what she was going to do. Howard asked if he stayed friends with her all these years. Al said he did. Howard asked what he did when they fired her recently. Al said he spoke to her and she's doing okay now. She was on TV for like 33 years and she and Chuck were the longest running team in history as far as he knows. Howard asked why they didn't fire Chuck Scarborough. Al said he has no idea.
Howard said Al called her up and said that he was sorry that she was fired. He asked if she burst into tears. Al said she knew it was coming so she didn't get too upset. He said he thinks that she was ready. Howard said it's tough for a woman getting older. Robin said 33 years is an amazing run for anyone. Al said he thinks that Sue will come back and do something else. He said that people think she's a crazy person but she's really not.
Howard asked Al about going to England for the Olympics. Al said he will be there for 3 weeks for that. Howard said he has a suggestion for Al's production company... ''Sue The Bounty Hunter.'' Al laughed.
Howard asked Al how many more years he has left on his contract. Al said he has 2 more. He said he doesn't plan on retiring anytime soon either. Howard said he will look for a new contract then. Al said he's going to stay on the train as long as he can.
Howard said he could do a show with Sue Simmons as a boat captain. Howard said Al is something else. He said he's busy on airplanes and with his production company. Howard said he is a very deep guy. Howard asked if he was spanked nude while his dad was nude. Al said this is just wrong. Howard asked how old he was when he had his last nude spanking. Al said he's pretty sure he was wearing a thong.
Howard asked Al where Deborah Norville is. Al said she's doing Inside Edition. Howard laughed. Al said she's doing just fine. Howard asked Al who he would want to have take over Meredith Viera's spot. Al suggested Sophia Vergara. Howard asked if there is anyone on the Today show that could step into that seat. Al said he doesn't know. He suggested Sarah Palin but Howard told him to be serious. Al said they have people. Howard asked if he'd consider Lindsay Lohan. Al laughed. Howard said maybe Chaz Bono. Al said that's pretty random. Howard said he'd be terrific. He also suggested Rachel Fine but Al didn't have a reaction to that name.
Howard asked Al if he would come out and say he's for abortion. Al said he's a news guy so he won't talk about that stuff. Howard said he is all for abortion. Al said he can't like it. Howard said he does like it. Howard said there are so many unloved people in this world. Al said he knows. He said he has adopted a chid. Howard said these religious freaks want all of these kids to be born but they won't take care of them.
Howard asked Al if he'll even say if he's a republican or democrat. Al said he wont. He was willing to say that he was all for the Osama Bin Laden hunt. He also said that the North Koreans are crazy. He wouldn't say if he thinks OJ was guilty or innocent though.
Howard said that Al's new show is called ''Big Easy Justice'' and it's about following a bounty hunter. Howard said that Al is making sure we see the nitty and the gritty. Howard said it airs Tuesday on Spike TV at midnight. Howard said that Al has to come back and talk about how he's all for the legalization of prostitution next time. He wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and sang along to the Zeppelin song but didn't know exactly what the lyrics were. Robin was helping him figure it out. Howard said he loves the song.
Howard said they had an AGT promo and they used ''Kashmir'' as the song. He said that once it made it to TV they didn't use it. He said they must not have been able to get clearance for it. Howard said over in England they can use any song they want. He said he's thinking about moving over there.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. They played him in with a theme song where they mention his 18 on the Ugly Meter app. Howard said he pulled the entire interview from Superfan Roundtable that Ronnie was complaining about and that guy Joe never said anything bad about Ronnie.
Jon said that he tried talking to Ronnie about the Ugly Meter App blowing up again and Ronnie is all out of sorts again today.
Howard played the audio from Superfan Roundtable where Joe Overline was talking about Ronnie but not saying anything bad. Ronnie came in and said that he was trying to listen to the Al Roker interview and Jon was bothering him. He said he's done. Jon said that Ronnie was saying that he sounds feminine this morning too. Howard said that Ronnie is acting feminine too. He just stormed out. Howard said that's fine.
Howard said Joe Overline never said a bad word about Ronnie. Howard played some clips from the show. In the first clip Mutt was talking to Joe on the phone and Joe said that Ronnie is annoying but he loves the guy. He said he has never scammed anyone and he doesn't think Ronnie deserved the 0 and he was willing to give it a second shot.
Howard played another clip where Mutt asked Joe about how he was treated when he came in. Joe said Ronnie was Ronnie but he wasn't really rude. He was short with him but that was about it. Joe said everyone was nice showing them around but as soon as Ronnie saw them there he asked why they were still there. Joe said he felt bad for Ronnie.
Howard said he said nothing disparaging about him. Robin said the way Ronnie was acting you'd think he was maligned. Howard said there was no personal attack on the show. Jon Leiberman said he didn't hear a personal attack either.
Howard played more Superfan Roundtable audio and said he thinks that Ronnie was just angry that Sal's shit got a 2 and Ronnie got a 0. Jon said that Ronnie is teetering on the brink and Jason saw him grab the microphone out of his hand.
Howard asked Jason what he thinks. Jason came in and said it's a bit of an exaggeration because Sal was backing himself into Ronnie and Ronnie pushed him off and then Jon had the mic out and Ronnie grabbed it. Howard said he's like King Kong. Jon said it wasn't appropriate to grab his microphone.
Howard said he could play the whole interview and you'd hear there was no personal attack. Robin said Ronnie acted like he did yesterday. Jon said Ronnie thinks that he single handedly helped this guy get rich from that app. Robin said he should admit it really bothered him.
Jon said that Ronnie insisted that it wasn't the score that bothered him. Howard said when Richard's cock beats you then you're going to be bummed.
Jon got to his news preview and said that they have breaking news about Ass Napkin Ed and a sex tape. He said it's 8 minutes of Ed and Jasmine Tame having sex and Ed used it to try and arouse the woman who brought him to AGT. Howard asked if he has a big cock. Jon said according to Jasmine he has a big cock. He said he has a clip where she claims that he does. Howard asked if Ed was able to last 8 minutes getting oral. Jon said he did seem to last that full 8 minutes and 24 seconds. Jon said the woman who drove Ed to AGT has a fiancee and he's upset that Ed used the tape to try and arouse her.
Jon told Howard that the promise ring that Elisa Jordana had on last week was one that she bought herself. Benjy didn't buy it for her. Benjy started to explain it but Howard cut his mic off and said he doesn't want to hear it. Benjy asked why he cut him off. Howard said he didn't want to hear the explanation. Benjy gave it anyway and Howard didn't get it. Robin tried explaining it.
Jon said they have a story about Scott DePace having a family of birds in his dryer vent and how he's thinking about removing them from the vent. One of his choices was to poke them out with a stick.
Jon said that Debbie the Pet Lady had some oral surgery and she's been unable to speak for a few days. Jon also said that Brian Phelan had an appearance on The People's Court. Jon said they have a story about Sal starting to smoke again and he's been smoking in the car on the way to work. Howard said he'd rather have him smoking cigarettes than those fake cigarettes.
Jon said that Riley Martin was on MTV last night and he was comparing notes with Rob Dyrdek. Riley brought in some pictures of naked Alien women to show Rob. Howard thanked Jon for the update. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and played a song parody about Ronnie being a zero. Howard said this is what Ronnie hates about the whole Ugly Meter thing.
Howard played a new song parody for Robin too. It was ''The Hole in Her Vagina'' to the tune of Hotel California. Howard said Eli Braden sent in a song inspired by Men at Work. Howard played that one for Robin too. That was ''The Brown Mound Down Under.'' Howard said these songs are gross. Robin said she didn't like that one. Howard said he has one from Psyche in honor of Dick Clark. He played that song and that was ''Black Cans'' to the tune of the American Bandstand theme.
Howard said he has one called ''Whole Lotta Cum'' from a guy named Martin. Howard said it's gross but it did make him laugh. Howard played that one and Robin was laughing. Howard said that it might be the worst song ever. Robin said it was bad but she was laughing.
Howard said Little Mikey and some of the other guys are always fighting. Howard said Mikey sent in a song that was to the tune of The Band's ''The Weight'' and then Psyche sent in one that was similar. Howard said they are singing similarly but they sent them in at the same time so no one is ripping anyone else off.
Howard said he played the song yesterday from that Killa Karisma kid and everyone loved the song. He said he could listen to the whole song. He said maybe he should one day. You can watch it on YouTube.com. Howard played the song again. He said this kid is serious about the song too. He sings about jerking off to girls on Facebook. Howard said he's learned that guys are really creepy. Howard was making noises like he was grossed out by this song. He was laughing too. Howard said the kid is worked up. He sings about using two hands sometimes. Howard said he must have a big cock if he can use two hands. Howard said he can grip his penis with two fingers.
JD came in and said that the kid claims that he didn't write any of the lyrics down, he just came up with them as he went along. Howard said he believed that. Howard said we're doomed. He said this is the end of days. He played more of the song. The kid was singing about how the lotion he had was his best friend. Robin said he must know that his parents might see this video some day.
Howard said you don't want to admit you jerk off to chick's pictures. Howard said he was looking up girls he went to school with so he could jack off to them but then he sees that they're 58 years old. Howard said the best thing about Facebook is that you can see what they look like now. He wasn't able to find many of the girls. He found one though and this girl looked like his Tante Helen.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his daughter got a 7 on the Ugly Meter app. He said she's only 1 year old. The caller said she'd feel better if she got tickets to America's Got Talent. Howard said he doesn't have any yet. He said he might have some when they get closer to the live shows.
Howard said Sharon Osbourne was on Ellen's show talking about him in a very nice way. Howard played some of the audio of that interview. Howard said this is good that she's doing it on Ellen's show. Howard said maybe some women will like him and not think he's so disgusting.
In the clip Sharon was talking about how Howard is a father who brought up 3 amazing young girls and how he's a softie. Sharon said that they had a 7 year old who cried on stage and Howard got up and cuddled the boy. She said ''Who knew?'' Ellen said she can't wait to see Howard judging.
Howard said there was another interview where some guys in a band were going off on him for being too hard on them. Howard said they were calling him a prick. Howard said he appreciates Sharon doing what she did.
Howard got back to the ''Jacking Off to You'' song. The song goes on and on. Howard said you have to watch the video because the kid really gets into it. Howard said if you're a guy and you make that kind of noise, it's not good. He said women don't want to hear that. He said chicks don't like a lot of noise. He said you can groan a bit but that's about it.
Howard said he thought the song was over but it had another minute to go. Howard kept it playing and the kid talks about how he's naked but he still has his shirt on. Howard was still laughing as the kid talked about jacking off and ended the song.
The caller on the line said if he had a pussy he'd be rubbing it. Howard said that kid can't have many friends on his list. Howard said if he had a song he'd probably be just like that. Robin said that she thinks every guy is like that but they don't post it on Facebook.
Howard told the caller he doesn't think he has tickets for the live shows yet. He told the guy to call back when they do.
Howard read an email from a guy who told him he should have told Sharon Osbourne that he had to go to a wedding for a family cousin to get out of doing the show. Howard said he's really not a good liar.
Howard said he had a lot of people saying they felt sorry for him about his lawsuit. Howard said one guy sent a note about the case and he felt that it was the female judge going after him. He said that guy will remain nameless.
Howard said he had a note about Rihanna and her behavior. that guy said he can see why Chris Brown smacked her around.
Howard said he got some complaints about shooting AGT this summer and how he might have to sit in traffic to collect his $15 million paycheck. Howard said he's allowed to complain. He said the idea was to move the show to New York so he could be fresh for the radio show the next morning. Howard said Newark was never in discussion. Howard said that's his point. He said he's doing this for the fans.
Howard said he's still allowed to complain, right? Robin said it is a great gig. Howard said it was kind of a bait and switch kind of thing though.
Howard read a note about Benjy and Elisa and how the guy thinks that Elisa might be suffering from Stockholm syndrome where a captor falls for her kidnapper. Howard said he might be right. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said he's sorry he missed the song. He likes that one. Howard needed some help with the lyrics. Howard said he used to know the whole story about that song but he's forgotten it.
Howard said he has a clip of a reporter out on the street and this black guy comes up to her and screams the N-word into the mic after grabbing it out of the reporter's hand. He played the clip and this female reporter was out on the street doing her report when the guy came up, grabbed the mic and said something and then the N-word. They quickly cut away. Howard said he heard the guy might be up on charges because he grabbed the mic.
Howard said he fantasizes that they'd have a guy with Tourette's in the Wack Pack. Howard said they had a girl who claimed to have it but she turned out to be a fake. Howard said there's this woman they did a documentary on and she says ''biscuit'' all the time. He said they counted once and she said it like 900 times in an hour. Howard said the word will change for her so it's not always a biscuit. Howard played some audio of the woman speaking and she keeps saying the word ''biscuit'' over and over. Howard said that's kind of funny. He said that the reporter doesn't laugh. He said that's the key.
Howard said they should hire her to go around promoting the show. They have to get her to repeat ''The Howard Stern Show'' over and over. Howard played more of the audio and said he can see her saying that 900 times an hour.
Howard said if Nick Canon has to leave AGT then they should get this woman to do the show. Howard said they had Medicated Pete there but his Tourette's wasn't that good. Howard said they could get him into it a little bit but this woman is better. Howard said she can't possibly be married.
Howard said Medicated Pete would just say ''yeah'' after he said it. Howard said he'd like to have this woman saying ''biscuit'' over and over. He wondered if she's hot. Howard said she can't possibly be hot. Howard wondered what would happen if they brought her to KFC and she kept saying biscuit. He played more of the audio and said he likes it when they yell out racial slurs. Robin wondered if they still had that Donahue tape where the woman who couldn't lie. Robin said she would tell people to shut up if they talked too long.
Howard got a picture of the biscuit lady and she wasn't a very good looking person. Howard said she looks like a radio guy.
Howard said Medicated Pete was as close as they could get to having a Tourette's guy. Howard played a prank call the guys made using Medicated Pete audio clips. They called a guy and had Pete trying to set up a piano lesson. They had him asking the guy what he was into and the guy said he didn't have time for that. He hung up once so they called back.
Howard played the clip of the reporter's apology. She said that it happened around 9:30 this morning and they had someone explain what had gone wrong. The guy claimed that some cable lines had been cut and they spliced them back together wrong. Howard said that's such horse shit. Howard said that wouldn't make gay porn show up. Howard said the guy sounds like an anchor who was raised up to be the General Manager. Robin said it sounds like someone doesn't want to admit what really went wrong.
Howard read about what went on up there and how they had 3 minutes of gay porn on the air. Howard read what some people were saying about the airing and how they found out it wasn't CHCH's fault, it was the cable company that patched into their line.
Howard said that they claim that they got a bunch of people who were shocked by the video. Howard wondered who would be shocked by that. Howard said that he was watching Bill O'Reilly the other day, because he loves a comedy show just like anyone, and O'Reilly was claiming that a show like Glee can turn a kid gay. Howard played some audio of him talking about that. Bill was talking about how he wanted to smoke when he saw James Dean smoke. Howard said that looks cool though. He said sucking a cock doesn't really look cool.
Howard said he thinks that guys who think like that are actually gay themselves. Robin said they do say that some people are like that. Howard said he likes that Bill thinks that watching gay can turn you gay. Howard said he's going to play a gay porn clip and see if he can turn Fred gay. He tried it but it didn't work.
Howard played more of O'Reilly and his panel talking about the gay thing. Howard said he doesn't want to dance when he watches Dancing with the Stars.
Gary said he had video of the gay sex thing on that Canadian channel. Howard said he feels a little gay watching it. He played more of O'Reilly talking about the gay thing. Howard said Bill offered to ''help'' him by letting him appear on his show weekly. Howard said just imagine the help he'd get from Bill. Howard said the guy is so out of touch he thinks that he can help him. Howard said he'd become a laughing stock of America like Dennis Miller. Howard said Bill ruined a great stand-up comic.
Howard let the O'Reilly tape play but there were two annoying women arguing on it so he cut it off. Howard said he thought that was a pretty funny argument.
Howard said his computer just went out again. He said he got an error and told it not to send a report and it closed everything. Howard said it happened the other day and it just happened again. Scott didn't have an answer the other day and he won't have one today.
Howard said Gary is pretty together so he doesn't think he ever has. Howard did an impression of Gary talking about how he loves everything. Howard said he feels happy and feels good about life at this point. He said he and his buddy Pat were trying to figure out if there's any afterlife. He said if anyone can figure it out, it's him and Pat. Robin asked what difference it would make. Gary said that you'd like to think that this isn't the end of your time. Robin said it doesn't really matter.
Gary said he has never thought about killing himself. Howard said he knew that. Gary said he has had sadness in his life but he's never thought about doing anything like killing himself. Gary said he wonders how people get there. He said it doesn't seem like an option for him.
Howard said he put a gun in his mouth... twice. Howard said he was very depressed but he wasn't really going to do it. He said he was just trying to get some hype for AGT.
The caller said that when he was 13 his father went to work and drank and he ended up stringing himself up. He said his dad went through with it and he's been thinking about it himself lately. Howard said that's pretty tough. Gary cut the caller off so Howard said that's kind of rude.
Howard asked the caller, Vince, if he's thinking about stringing himself up. Vince said his life has been a living hell and his wife can barely work. He said he's been in and out of work for the last 5 years. Vince said his wife has breast cancer and lupus. He said he's had a few temp jobs and his unemployment ran out. Vince said he has worked in manufacturing. He said it's been tough. He said he has done some acting on the side too. Vince said that's all gone now.
Howard said he needs to get some therapy. Howard said that they're a bunch of jerks so they're not the right ones to talk to. He said Gary will just cut you off.
Gary said they say that suicide can be genetic. He wondered if it's because his dad did it. Robin said the depression may be in the genetics. Howard said he has a theory. He said he thinks that maybe you do live on. Howard said they say that maybe all of your past generations are in your DNA and genetic makeup. Howard said maybe his experiences were passed on to his kids and maybe that depression thing can be passed down to your kids.
Vince said that he doesn't have money to pay rent this month or even money for food. He said he has applied for at least 30 jobs a week and he gets nothing. Vince said he has gone to interviews thinking he's getting the job and he doesn't get it. He said he always gets passed by.
Vince said that he'll ask what's going on and they'll say they just passed on him. He said his resume is incredible too. Howard asked if he's applying to be a CEO. Vince said it's nothing like that.
Jason Kaplan came in and said that he has thought of suicide but not seriously. He said that he's on Lexipro and that helps. Fred said maybe he can be a grounds keeper in Connecticut at Gary's house.
Robin said she had a very dear friend who committed suicide. Howard said there are some people who called in saying they'd like Jason to kill himself. Howard said he didn't say that himself.
Vince said that he had a friend who had his brother come to visit him while he was working on the Golden Gate Bridge and he just came up to him, said goodbye and jumped.
Howard said if you love your wife and kids then don't do that to them. Howard said he's a big fan of some kind of therapy. He said maybe he can find someone to help him. Robin told the guy not to do anything. Howard said even a priest might be able to help. Howard wished Vince luck and told him to get some help. Vince said he has been looking. He said it's tough when you have no money. He said a few years ago you could just walk into a clinic but not anymore. There have been too many cutbacks.
Howard let Vince go and asked anyone else who has a call like that to just not call in. Robin said that her friend caused a lot of sadness with that suicide. Robin said it's just not the right thing to do.
Mark said she was kind of manufactured though. Howard said they don't know to what extent she was though. Howard said that you have to have an opinion and you have to be able to have a negative opinion sometimes. Howard said he just read an article about Ryan Seacrest signing on for a few more years at American Idol. They need him there so he's going to stick around.
Mark asked if Howard could do something about getting DDT back now that he's got this new outlet. Howard said we do have a problem with bedbugs and insects like that. Howard said he would like them to bring DDT back. He said it gets rid of bedbugs.
Howard talked about how Christina Aguilera looks awful now that she's fat. Howard said that she was so hot in the past and he doesn't get how you let yourself go like that. Robin said women have hormones and things that can cause that.
Howard said he saw himself in the mirror this morning. He said he got a size 42 underpants and he's usually a size 38. He said that they were too tight. Howard said that he had to get black to hide the pee stains. Howard said he wanted to get them all in black so no one sees the pee. He said he hasn't had a shit stain in years. He said he uses the baby wipes now so he doesn't leave stains.
Howard talked about taking a dump and how he likes the smell sometimes. Howard said Robin has to smell it sometime. Robin said she won't be doing that. Howard said Robin is happy when her doody floats. Robin said she doesn't care if it floats. Howard said they should have a floating doody on the cover of her book.
Mark asked if he's ever called Beth in to check out a shit. Howard said he should hang up on him for that. He did.
Howard said the underpants he got are Ralph Lauren. He said he's up to 200 pounds and his belly hangs over the underpants. He said he runs every day and tries to eat well. He said he must be eating too much. He said he had Chinese food last night and he was very careful about how much sauce he puts on it. He said he got ''sauce on side'' and he only had a little bit of food. Howard said he threw in a few cashews into this food and they were raw. They didn't have any salt on them. Howard said the food can't be all that many calories. He said he had an awful lunch. He said he's trying to be vegetarian but it's hard. Howard said he shouldn't be as heavy as he is. Robin said time has a terrible effect on the body.
Howard said he was reading about Adam Levine going to yoga full time. Howard said they showed him doing yoga on one hand. Howard said he could never do that. He'd just end up hurting his hand.
Howard said he's really burned out on going to the gym. He said he doesn't want to go anymore. He said he doesn't want to do any of that stuff anymore. He said he's just burnt out. Robin said he should change and try something else. Howard said that the only reason he goes to the gym is because of Pat. He said he loves that dude.
Howard said that he and Pat were trying to figure out why they go through life and learn all of this stuff and then it just ends. He said someone said that your brain is like a computer and when you're dead it just turns off like a computer does. Robin said that was Steve Jobs.
Howard said he is the most successful radio personality of all time. Howard said he's not saying that to brag. He said he's embarrassed to say that but it's a fact. Howard said he was on 6-10 in the morning in various radio markets. He said at the height they were on 67 markets. Howard said they were number 1 in the majority of the markets. He said there were a couple they weren't number 1 in. Howard said billions of dollars were generated. He said he left on his own terms. then he moved to satellite with an audience that turned this into the number one company. That led into a merger. Then all of the stations he was on failed miserably. He said that they'll never see anyone like him again. Howard said they say Rush Limbaugh is the most influential but that's bullshit.
Bobo said that they say Don Imus is number 33. Howard said he fails in every market he goes on in. He said he doesn't understand it. Howard said his ratings went up after he left terrestrial radio. He said Imus is like a cancer.
Howard said Talkers magazine used to say he was the most influential. Once he left terrestrial they took that away because the magazine is run by terrestrial stations. Howard said if rush went to satellite radio he wouldn't bring 1000 listeners. Howard said there's Howard Stern and then no one else. Howard said everyone is jealous of him and they hate him. Howard said he's never seen so much jealousy as he's seen in the radio industry. He said they hate his success. He said they say he brags about it but he thinks it's fine to brag about it.
Howard said he and Mel Karmazin used to talk about who they could bring there to get an audience. That was back in the day when he and Mel still spoke. Howard said that they couldn't think of anyone.
Howard had to let Bobo go. Howard said he wondered what his last name is. Bobo asked why he wants to know. Bobo said that his last name is Bowe. Howard said he has to be lying about that. Bobo said that's really his last name. Howard said that's great, it's like Baba Booey. Howard said that's great. Howard started calling him Bobo Bowe. Gary said that's definitely his last name.
Howard told Steve he can use that joke on his show on Thursday night. Steve said he's on that computer all the time. Howard said he's going to have him taken off. Howard said you can tune in Thursday for Steve's final intern show. Howard said he likes Steve. He said he's very thin.
Howard asked Steve what he scored on the Ugly Meter. Steve said he didn't test. Robin said he doesn't need to test with that.
Gary told Howard that Steve was dating their former intern Katie (AKA Smiles). Howard said that he heard he quit drinking too. Steve said he did because his doctors told him with diabetes he shouldn't drink. Howard said he heard that Richard started crying when he stopped. Howard said that's pathetic. Robin said that's just wrong. Steve said he's turning 30 soon so he wanted to stop.
Howard asked Steve about Katie. He said they broke up around the end of January. Steve said he's going to the SyFy upfronts tonight and they'll have a lot of sales girls there. He said he'll try to find someone there. Howard said Beth went to the upfronts for HGTV last night. Howard said he didn't even know they had upfronts for HGTV.
Howard asked Steve how he's going to pick up girls. Steve jokingly said he will tell them that he writes jokes for Howard. Steve said that they have a party after the introductions so he'll just see what happens. Howard said Ralph will be there too. He just turned 46 years old.
Steve talked about working with Ralph on GEEKTIME. Steve said it's good most of the time. He said Ralph can be tough to work with but it's fun too. He said Ralph has a vision and he wants things done a certain way. If it's not done his way then it can be tough. Gary said he's heard that there's a lot of fighting that goes on but Jason is able to talk sense to him. He said they call Jason the Ralph Whisperer.
Gary said he hears that they argue about guests a lot on the show. Steve said that Ralph isn't into Game of Thrones so they aren't allowed to talk about it on the show. He said that Ralph has to be into it to get it on the show. Howard asked how Ralph got that much power. Steve said it's Tim who gave him the power.
Gary said he heard that Ralph threw his headphones last year at Comic-Con when he didn't get his coffee fast enough. Steve said he doesn't know anything about that. He said it was very hectic there and he doesn't know if it happened that way or not.
Robin told Howard he has to see the Morgan Spurlock movie about Comic-Con. Jason came in and confirmed that Ralph did throw his headphones because of his coffee. He said Ralph was under a lot of pressure but he puts himself under pressure. He said Ralph sent Ben Barto out to get coffee. He said it was very early and the coffee shops weren't open yet. He said that Ralph went off on Ben and asked why he can't get him a cup of coffee.
Jason said he and Steve love doing GEEKTIME and after mornings like this it can be hard to do the show. Jason told Howard about some of the other things Ralph has done. After hearing Ralph wanted his own car when they were on location once, Howard suggested they cancel the show. Jason said they don't have to do that. Howard said it sounds like it's more like Ralphtime than GEEKTIME.
Howard said he thinks that they should be covering more stuff than what Ralph wants to cover. Gary said Howard gets it and he'll cover more than what he likes. Gary said Ralph will cover more than he did in the beginning. Howard said he didn't know Ralph was running such a tight ship. Jason said it's not a tight ship, it's just a ''don't piss off Ralph ship.''
Howard said maybe they should get rid of Ralph. Jason said they did the show without him last week. Howard said that's enough Ralph for today. He said he does like to be made aware of the shenanigans going on there. He had to go to break after that.
Ralph said he had to correct some stuff. He said he will talk to guests that he's not all that into. He said the reason he threw that coffee was because there were a bunch to things that weren't going right that day.
Jason came in and said that Ralph did have a tantrum that day. Ralph also said he didn't demand his own car. He said he didn't want to share a room with Jason so he wanted his own room but that was it. Ralph asked what's wrong with him wanting the show to be the way he wants it. It's his show. Jason said that Ralph came in with a torn up Entertainment Weekly and they all helped him create it. He said that they all created it equally. Ralph said he created everything on the show. Jason said he didn't create the opening for the show or talking about TV and movies. Ralph said he did. Jason said he doesn't need him then. He said he didn't know he had so little influence on the show.
Ralph said he created the show and that doesn't mean he did everything. Jason said he didn't know that he created the montage. Ralph said he suggested it. Jason said that he's not the only one who came up with the idea. He said they all created it.
Howard said he heard that Ralph isn't happy that Jon has his own show (What's Worth Watching). Jason and Ralph agree on that. Jon came in and said that when he came to the channels he wanted to do that show. He said he doesn't think it takes anything away from GEEKTIME because they don't cover the same thing. Robin said she knows they argue over guests. Jon said that is true. Jason said he finds himself fighting for guests to come on GEEKTIME.
Howard said he heard that JD is upset about the whole thing too. JD came in and said he thinks that they fight over guests and GEEKTIME gets their choice of guests first. He said it's not fair. Jason said that he didn't want to fight over the guests and Jon was very good about it. He said it's worked out fine for the most part.
Howard played a song parody about JD where they play JD unable to get words out. It was Sal singing ''Mush Mouth'' to the tune of ''Brick House''
Howard said he likes Jon's show and GEEKTIME and he likes that they're fighting it out. Jason asked what his favorite part of Jon's show is. Howard said he likes when Jon talks about shows that have jumped the shark. Jason said he doesn't do that. Howard had no idea what either show was about.
Robin read about the Nets leaving New Jersey for New York. Robin said they played their last game yesterday. She said that Governor Chris Christie spoke about that last night. He wasn't upset about them leaving at all. He said if they don't want to stay then good riddance, see ya later. Robin said that the Nets are making way for Howard. They moved out of the same place Howard will be doing the show.
Robin read about how Facebook revealed that they've had a decline in their income and it's the first time that's happened. Robin said this is right before their IPO. She said she's sure they'll do fine though. Howard said the site is very successful and it's all free so it seems like the place to be. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the primaries that are coming up in New York and some other areas. Robin said that it appears they're basically over already. She said that Newt Gingrich is saying he may drop out if he doesn't have a good showing in Delaware. Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking about a few things.
Robin had some audio of Ann Romney talking about her husband. Robin told Howard she has MS and breast cancer. Howard said he didn't know she had that going on. He said that's pretty rough. Robin had more audio of Mitt Romney talking about his campaign.
Robin read about John Edwards court cast and what's going on with that. Howard had to do another live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Dick Clark had prostate cancer shortly before he died. Robin said he had some kind of procedure done and then he got up with a pain in his arm at 9:30 and by 11 he was gone. He died of a massive heart attack.
Robin read about the wars we have going on and how they keep sending people on tour after tour. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin also had some audio of someone talking about the drugs that are being sold in Afghanistan to the troops.
Robin read about President Obama talking about the holocaust. She had some audio of him talking about that at an appearance he made.
Robin read about George Zimmerman getting a lot of threats since he got out on bail. Robin said that they are concerned for him now that he's out. Robin said that they had him wearing a bullet proof vest when he got out on Monday morning.
Robin said that Rupert Murdoch's son, James, is testifying for his father's company about the phone tapping issues that they had. Robin had some audio of him talking in court.
Robin said that Sean Penn was on Piers Morgan's show last night talking about Haiti. She had some audio of Sean talking about how he balances his life with all of the stuff he's involved with.
Robin read about Megan Fox and how she's expecting her first child. Howard said she's brilliant for pissing off Michael Bay. He was the only guy hiring her. Howard said she's with that 90210 guy Brian Austin Green. Howard said they seem to be home all the time. Howard said he's not sure what Brian is doing these days. He was on the Terminator TV show for a while.
Robin read about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian possibly dating. Robin said that some people don't believe that it's a real thing.
Robin talked about a new Justin Bieber song that was released and Howard asked how Train is doing. Gary said they're at number 13. Howard said he has the top 5 songs. He hasn't done that in a while. Howard played the Justin Bieber song at number 5. Number 4 was ''What Makes You Beautiful'' by One Direction. Howard asked if Fred knows them. Fred said his daughter does. Howard played number 3 which was by The Wanted. Howard said that number 2 was ''We Are Young'' by Fun. Howard said that the number 1 song was by Gotye. Howard said if he played all 5 songs at the same time you can't tell the difference. He tried it. Howard said they're all bad. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Fiona Apple's new album and how she's giving a taste of her new music to people. Howard wondered where she's been all these years. Howard said she was so hot when they had her on the show. Howard asked if she's still hot. Robin said she hasn't seen her lately. Howard said he loves her. He said she's crazy and you know she's wild. Howard did an impression of her singing and thought it was cool. Fred played some dog barking sounds as the song played. Howard replayed it to hear it again.
Robin read about how Sinead O'Connor is taking a break from touring this year. She's trying to deal with her bipolar disorder. Robin said they say she is very unwell.
Robin read about how the Beach Boys are reuniting for a 50th anniversary tour. Robin had some audio of Mike love talking about the old days. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Steve said he works for Gary, Jon and Ralph and he hopes that they all know what he does and that they let Howard and Tim know. Gary asked what his title is. Steve said he's an associate producer. Gary said he's like their utility guy. He said anywhere they need to plug something up they can depend on Steve. Steve said he will make notes to go along with Will's notes sometimes but he's not ''the'' note guy. He said he's not sure Howard knows that.
Gary said Steve is the phone screener for the most part and Will is busier with prep for their guests. Steve said he'd like to stay under the radar and hope that something like what happened today never happens again.
Gary said Jackie used to get upset when he didn't get credit for his jokes. He said he appreciates that Steve doesn't want credit.
Jon said that Steve's time in the studio led to another explosion about the other stuff. Jon said that Gary is guilty of stirring it up. He said Will is too. Jon said Jason can't keep his mouth shut either so it just went boom.
Steve asked who gave Gary the coffee story. Gary said it's not even someone there. He said he got it from someone outside of the show. Steve said he didn't say anything that bad today but everyone is going to be weird about GEEKTIME. He said he was just getting yelled at about his joke when all of that came up.
Gary said there was a lot of stuff going on today. Jon said that he and Ralph have friction about their two shows. He said that he doesn't get why they have such a problem with his show. He said he doesn't get why they want to keep guests off of his show just to spite him. He said he's not interested in all of that.
Steve said he's more involved in GEEKTIME and what's going on there. He said he's not sure what he's being asked. He said he likes working with Ralph but maybe it's not easy all the time. He said he hasn't had a major problem in a long time though. He said the coffee thing was from a year and a half ago so that didn't help things.
Jon said he thinks that Ralph has a clear vision of what he wants the show to be and he wants to control a lot. Gary asked if JD has anything to do with GEEKTIME. Jon said JD is on What's Worth Watching with him.
Steve said he wanted to clear up the coffee thing too. He said Ralph threw his headphones and didn't throw coffee. Steve said that Ralph might get mad at him for saying this but he used to ask for weird things to get on the show at the last minute but it's gotten much better. He said that doesn't happen anymore. He said Ralph will just ask if they can do it now. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jason said he didn't know that this was going to happen today but he walked into the studio with a flamethrower and walked out with no friends. Jason said he doesn't' think he blind sided anyone with what he said today. He said he hopes Jon isn't upset. Jon said he felt he was acting like an asshole. He said he's told him that off the air too though.
Jason said he does wonder how Jon balances doing both shows. Jason said he works on GEEKTIME and he thinks that Jon's priority would be What's Worth Watching. Jason said he loves him on GEEKTIME and he'd like him to cancel What's Worth Watching. Jason said you can't treat both equally. Jason said he wishes that he'd work only on GEEKTIME.
Steve asked Jason if he thinks that Jon's passion has gone down for GEEKTIME since he started his show. Jason said he doesn't think he had passion for it at all. Gary said he thinks that Jon enjoys doing GEEKTIME but it's not his passion. He said a lot of people can do things that aren't their passion and still be good at it. Jason said that he'd like more of Jon on the show. He said he thinks he does his show and it hurts GEEKTIME. Jason said they talk about the same stuff on both shows. Gary asked how often that happens and ''so what'' if it does. Jon said he agrees about the ''so what.'' He said that he's having a conversation with different people.
Jason said he thinks that the so what is that Jon is the same guy and he thinks that people who are listening to the channels want to hear him on GEEKTIME talking about the TV stuff on GEEKTIME. He said it takes away from that if he does it on his own show.
Steve was saying that most of GT is Ralph. Jason said that the two shows are too much alike. He said he thinks it's too much of the same. Jason said he knows Jon hates this but Jon is on a lot of shows there at Sirius. He said that it becomes less special if he's on so many shows.
Gary said he thinks he knows where to go from there. Jon picked up on Ralph. Ralph said that the only point he'd add is the show is similar in nature. He said that it's kind of the same kind of make up of the show. Ralph said he thinks it waters it down. He said he's not going to worry about it through. He said he's just letting him know how he feels. Ralph said his show is precious to him and he cares about every element of it and what goes on around it.
Jon said he understands how Ralph and Jason feel but he disagrees with it. Jon said the conversations he has on the two shows are different. He said they're with different people. Jon said he can talk about TV all day.
Jon said that GT is Ralph's vision. He said he has surrendered to that. He said he's okay with that but he's not sure how Steve and Jason feel about it. Steve said he likes the show and he likes working on it. Ralph said Jason is very important to him. He said he thought of Jason first to produce it.
Jason said he agrees with Jon and Steve and he thinks that Ralph is the one who is in charge and he got the show up and running with Tim. Jason said he thinks that GEEKTIME sounds different than any show on Sirius other than WWW.
Gary said it's interesting that they brought Jon in to do the show if they thought he was on a lot of other shows already. Ralph said he wanted someone good on the air who he could talk to. He said Jon was good for the show. Gary asked if he could do a tech show there and not sound like GT. Ralph said he wouldn't know until he heard the show. Gary said he thinks that Ralph did a good job pulling the show together. He said that's the hardest part.
Benjy asked Jon if he wants to be on both shows. Jon said he's happy being on both. Benjy asked if he really wants to though. Ralph cut him off and said that he gets this whole thing but it's weird. He said it's weird for a variety of reasons. Ralph said he thinks that Jason made some good points with what he said earlier.
Steve said he works on both Jon's show and Ralph's show. He said he knows that Ralph would like him to just do his show. Steve said there is someone there who is paying him to do a job there and he's been asked to contribute as much as he can.
Ralph said he thought Steve would be there to just answer calls on the show but he's very good with the sound effects and with the montage and things like that. He said Steve is very good on the show and he thinks he's a big part of the show and not a small part. He said he thinks that he's a big part of the success of the show. Steve thanked him for that. Ralph said he's always throwing shit at Steve and he does a good job handling it.
Ralph said he will ask for the moon and he knows he does that. He said Steve has been good with that. Steve said Ralph has gotten better at it too and they're working together well. Jon had to cut them off because they had to take a break.
Ralph was on the phone and Gary said he thinks that he's mellowed a little bit. Ralph said he's mellowed a lot. Jason agreed. Steve did too. Ralph said he can get crazy being home alone at times.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked how GEEKTIME does as far as the number of people who listen. Ralph said he thinks they do well. Jason said they have their own Twitter feed and all of that. He said they're huge. They were just joking around. Gary said they never get to know how big the shows are. He said that they talk about call attempts and that's all they can go by. Ralph said they can go by the computer logins too but they don't do that because they don't want employees knowing how popular they are.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he admires Jason for telling the truth the way he does. He said when Ralph wasn't there he didn't miss him that much but he thinks that he does add to the show. Jason said Ralph is essential to the show and he's got a great on air personality. He said they all missed him when he wasn't there.
Gary asked Ralph if it makes him crazy when they do the show without him. Ralph said he wanted to talk to Morgan Spurlock and it was kind of a last minute thing. He said he had to work with Howard that day.
Ralph also wanted to correct something about the coffee story. Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they do a great job with GEEKTIME and they have guests on the show that Howard won't have on.
Ralph said that morning with the coffee thing he got mad because he wanted coffee and it was right before the show. He said the printer wasn't working and they had tech issues. He said doing the show is a big deal and he didn't yell at anyone. He said he doesn't even remember what he did. He said the coffee was either cold or wrong. He said that he's not even sure what it was. Jason said he's not sure where that story even came from. It was over a year ago. Gary said what he loves about Ralph is that he never takes a tiny microcosm and blows it up into something huge. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Sirius XM being one company except when it comes to his lawsuit. Howard said he's been talking to a lot of lawyers who think he can get it overturned. He said he has to spend a lot of money to find out though.
Howard said Bobo is on the phone first thing in the morning. Robin asked what time he goes to the river. Howard picked up and asked Bobo. Bobo said he goes there about 5:30. Howard said that he picked up on Bobo Bowe because he got some email about his revelation yesterday about how he's Bobo Bowe and didn't even know it. Howard asked Bobo if he realized that. Bobo said of course he did. Howard said he did not and he needed him to point it out to him.
Bobo said he has a question for him. Howard told him to do it without reading it off the paper. Bobo said he can read it off the cuff. Howard told him to crumple his paper and throw it out. Bobo said he can do that. He crumpled the paper and asked if he's ever had a disagreement with Beth. Howard told him to eat the paper now. Bobo pretended to do that too.
Bobo said last week he went out to throw out his papers and the seagull's crapped on his head. Howard said that toupee finally came in handy.
Howard said Beth is doing a TV show for HGTV and that starts on May 12th he thinks. Howard said that America's Got Talent starts on May 14th. Robin said she saw two promos last night. Howard said he did too. He said he's one of the guys that pops up during the shows on NBC. Howard said he did a lot of fast forwarding on The Voice last night. He said he hates to sound pompous but some people are very bad at judging. Howard said he has to talk about his philosophy of judging. He said he knows some people hate it but he has to do it.
Howard said you're not doing anyone a favor telling them they're great if they're not great. Howard said you have to tell them how to improve. He said they had a girl on The Voice who had a record deal that fell apart. He said she was awful last night. Howard said the judges just told her she was amazing. Howard said he would have to tell her that she has to lose weight. He said she's not Adele and there aren't many Adele's out there. Howard said she had bad song choices too. He said he can't watch all of these shows because he doesn't want his level of judging brought down. Howard said they have to tell these people the truth.
Robin said that Christina Aguilera told one of the contestants the truth and she got the audiences to ''Ooo'' her. Howard said you can't say it to be mean. He said if you believe it then you tell them so they can improve.
Howard said he has had people ask him who he thinks he is telling them how to improve. Howard said he's been on radio for 35 years kicking everyone's ass in the business. He said he had some of the best guys in the business trying to beat him. He had to step up his game and entertain an audience. Howard said he had to pick the talent and learn how to succeed. He said there are a lot of kids who are arrogant on these shows. Howard said one kid on American Idol said he didn't care what the judges thought. Howard said he hadn't done a thing other than get himself on American Idol. Howard said the judges on that show have let the contestants become superstars before they're stars.
Howard said he heard that there is another chance to get on America's Got Talent. He said you can submit video through YouTube and get on. Howard told Benjy that he should tell Elisa to try getting on that way. Benjy asked if he thinks they could get through since he's on the show. Howard told him to look into it.
Howard got back to the Beth question. Howard said Beth has this new show where she's doing a Mom Cave thing. He said she starts working at like 3 in the morning shooting the show. He said he's not sure how she does it. Howard said she's very busy with the show. Howard said last night she was acting weird and acting wired. He said she was loud and talking every minute. He said he asked her why she was like that. He said she said she had like 35 cups of coffee. He said it was so weird that she wasn't the same person. Howard asked her if she was high. She had just had a lot of coffee. Howard said maybe someone slipped her something in the coffee. He said she wasn't even able to sleep.
Howard said he told Beth he'd bang her and try to get her back to herself. Howard said he pulled out his 4 incher and delivered it to her. He said he was really rough. Bobo asked if it was the best. Howard said he has to hang up on Bobo now. Bobo asked him not to but Howard did.
Howard said he was merciless with Beth. He said he held out for like a minute and a half. He said he usually lasts about 12 seconds. Howard said it worked too because she passed right out after sex. He said he felt like a machine and like he had a purpose.
Howard said Beth told him she was called the Khaleesi all over the place yesterday. Howard said she hates it. Howard said he tried calling her that and she told him to stop.
Howard said Beth is going to be on Ellen Degeneres and she's going to be on with Bill Clinton. Howard said maybe Bill will call her the Khaleesi too. Howard said Beth was excited about that when she found out.
Howard said he's going to be out doing promotion and he wasn't going to do The Talk with Sharon Osbourne and Julie Chen but Sharon asked him to do it personally. Howard said he can't say no to her. Howard said he told her he'd do it. Howard said he sees that they're turning it into something big. Howard said they want him on for a couple of segments and now they want him to stay on and host with them. Howard said he wasn't really planning on doing that. Howard said he guesses he's going to be doing that. Howard said he's going to be on for like a day or so.
Howard said he will be doing a lot of promotion for the show. He said he'll let everyone know when he's going to be on.
Dave asked Howard why he has to mention AGT every single fucking day. Howard said that Dave is one of these assholes who gets him worked up. Howard said he doesn't give a shit or a fuck about what he thinks. Howard said when he did his movie people told him not to talk about it. He said they did the same for the channel 9 show. Howard said he's not letting anyone set the agenda for the show. Howard said he doesn't care if he cancels his subscription. He said everyone can cancel if they want to. Dave just laughed through Howard's whole tirade. Howard said he doesn't care if he cancels.
Dave said that everyone is going to cancel when they see AGT. Howard said he doesn't care. He said it doesn't matter to him anymore. Howard said he doesn't owe anything to his fans. He said his fans wouldn't listen if he sucked. He said they're there because he's good.
Howard said Dave is still ugly and he can keep running an hour and a half. He said it won't help. Howard hung up on him and said he hates that guy.
Howard said that he hadn't heard from that guy in a long time. Howard said there is a lot of jealousy coming out lately. He said he sees people he knows who are all worked up about him being on TV. He said he can hear the jealousy. He said it's coming from his fellow broadcasters. He said he hears a lot of it in clips. Howard said he doesn't play a tenth of it for Robin.
Howard said he is great in his career. He said he sucks at everything else. He said no one likes hanging out with him but he's good at this. He said they can all eat his ass.
Robin asked why they can't just give him props. Howard said comedians think that he's not as funny as they are. Howard said they think his career is a fluke. Robin asked for names but Howard said he's going to leave it to her imagination.
Howard said he's going to change the channel name from Howard 100 to AGT 100. He said that people think they know better than him. He said only one person knows better than him and that's him.
Howard said one of those guys out there who thinks he's funnier than him is Jay Thomas. Howard said if Jay had any sense he'd sit down with him and ask how he can help. Howard said he does love Jay though and that's why he's on his channel.
Gary said that people over the years have said that they think that because he's dirty is why he gets ratings. Gary said Larry King was one of them. Howard said that's right. He said Larry thought he was funny and he'd do really lame bits on his radio show. Howard said he would break himself up doing those lame bits. Howard said the reality is that he was horrible on overnight radio. No one cared about the ratings in overnights. Howard said someone thought Larry was funny and they put Larry on CNN. Howard said as soon as competition started he lost every listener on the planet. Howard said now Larry is now doing an internet radio show. Howard said if you're doing internet radio then you're not in radio.
Howard read about this new Larry King project and goofed on Larry for a couple of minutes. He and Fred were doing their impressions of Larry while they talked about the show he's doing. Howard said they say it will be like Larry's CNN show. Howard said he can't wait to make an appointment with his computer to watch that. Howard said Larry was replaced by Piers Morgan and he was only known for being a judge on America's Got Talent. Howard said there's no bigger insult than that. Howard said his point is that Larry is going to be on the internet.
Gary said there were DJs out there who were huge before Howard came along. He said one of those guys was Jim Kerr who said that Howard had ruined it for everyone. Howard said he thought he could be Howard if he used the same language as he did. Howard said some guys tried that and it didn't work. Howard said he makes it look easy but it's not. Gary said they went as far as to get a female sidekick and a producer they could talk to on the air. Howard said one guy actually called his producer Baba Booey. Howard said they told him to stop and the guy said that Baba Booey was a generic term that they could use.
Howard said that this America's Got Talent thing is something that no one could have predicted. Howard said they're going to hear plenty about AGT and they can suck his dick if they don't like it. Howard said it's insane to think you know more about radio than he does. Howard said it's an insane thought.
Howard said there are people there who think they know more than him. He said it's just not the case. He said if you want to learn how to become a successful human being, don't come to him. If you want to know how to do radio then come to him.
Howard said they have the biggest talent competition today. He said they're doing the Triple X Factor show today. He said that's going to be fun. He said they do an all nude talent competition. He said they have a $10,000 prize for the winner. He said they'll have it all wrapped up in an hour of competition. Howard said that AshleyMadison.com is their sponsor for that contest.
Howard said they have a naked Larry King in the green room for the contest. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about Larry King being replaced by Piers Morgan. Howard asked about the phone hacking thing that Piers had to testify in. They talked about that for a few seconds.
Howard said if you miss Larry King here's something for you. He played a prank call the guys made to a guy using Larry King audio clips.
Howard played the video (See it on YouTube.com) and then played a song parody about Robin that was to the tune of that song. It was all about jacking off to Robin.
Howard said the songs are coming in about Ronnie too. He played a parody about how gross Ronnie is and about his 0 rating on the Ugly Meter app. Howard said that one was from Daniel Mendelson. He said he had some power in that opening line.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin when she last got laid. Robin said she's not talking about that. Howard said that's a touchy subject for her. Robin said she hasn't even been looking for that lately. Howard said Robin has to go to a funeral so maybe she should get laid there. The funeral is today. Howard said she should try to find someone there. Howard said he thinks it's been a year since she got laid. The caller said he thinks the same thing. Howard asked if she would say it's been a year. Robin said she's not going to talk about it.
The caller asked if it's been recent. Robin said she doesn't care to be social at times and that's what's going on now. The caller asked if she's drying up. Robin said no. Howard said he's still sexually active at 58. He said that he directs it all at his wife.
The caller asked Howard if he woke up with a huge hard on would he rather have a blow job or take a huge shit. Howard said he does have a hard on in the morning. He said he's not sure what the guy is even asking. The caller asked if he would rather have the best shit of his life or have had the best sleep of his life. Howard said he doesn't get the question. Howard said he'd take the blow job after the guy asked again. Howard said it was a dumb question.
Howard said Ronnie is on the Fine Time show with Rachel Fine. Howard said they asked Ronnie who he would rather get a blow job from and threw out Sal, Richard, JD and Benjy. Ronnie said Sal is just gross. He said he thinks he'd pick Benjy. He said he thinks that Benjy has dabbled in some things. He said he's just going to say Benjy. Howard asked Benjy if he knew about that. Benjy said he did. Benjy said he has been in orgies with other guys in the room but he doesn't do anything like that.
Ronnie came in so Howard played that song parody about him. Ronnie said he just loves that song. Howard asked what he was saying about Benjy. Ronnie said he was thinking about Richard too. He said he knows Benjy from back in the day when he was an intern and he used to see him down in certain areas where he might be involved with things. Benjy said he wasn't blowing guys. Ronnie said he never said that. He said he just said Benjy is the guy who likes to try different things. Howard said he is very experimental. Ronnie said he might give a good blow job. He said he seems like the type of guy who dabbles in things.
Howard said he has to take a break and then get Killa Karisma on the phone. They went to break a short time later.
Robin asked Killa if he wants to be a singer or a rapper or whatever it is he's doing. He wasn't able to answer. Howard asked Killa if he wrote the song down or did he just make it up as it went along. Killa said he didn't think about it too long. He said he just decided to do it and let it come naturally. Robin said she didn't think anyone could have written that. Howard said Killa's song is up to 104,000 hits.
Howard asked Killa if his parents know that he put that video out. Killa said he's trying to keep it a secret. Howard said she's eventually going to find out. He said he knows he's really into girls but he may not get girls when they see this song. Killa said that the girls at school think he's 10 times creepier than he was. He said they add him on Facebook though. Howard asked if Robin has added him on Facebook. Killa laughed. He said that some girls on Facebook send him pictures. He said some of them give him a wink face when they say they hope that he's not jacking off to them.
Howard asked if he's gotten laid yet. Killa laughed and said he hasn't. Howard said he didn't think so. Robin asked if he's going to have a music career. Howard said no.
Howard said he thinks he has to talk to his parents about this. He said they might say that it's out on YouTube and it's kind of creepy. Howard asked what he wants to do in life. Killa said he wants to be a comedian or something. Howard said some day he may have to apply for a job and this video isn't going to be a good thing. Howard said he might go in for a job and they'll see him talking about pleasuring himself to women. Howard said it could backfire. Howard said he may not have thought this thing through. Killa said he'll just claim it's his twin brother or something.
Robin said the internet is your permanent record and you can't make it go away. Killa said that it was kind of a joke but serious at the same time. He said there are a lot of guys on the web who are lurking and following girls and he was making fun of that in a way. He said he was also trying to let girls know that there are guys like that out there who are doing that. Robin said it's like a public service. She said his boss may not get that. Howard said his mom might not get it either.
Howard said he thinks the song is a scream. Killa said if it doesn't work out then he'll have to live with those consequences. He said that he's probably not the only dude to do this but he might be the only one who sings about it. Howard asked if he can buy the tune. Killa said someone told him to put it on iTunes. He said he's not sure he's going to do that.
Robin asked what his mother is going to say when she sees it. Howard asked if he has sent it to America's Got Talent. He said he'd give him the prize if he saw it. Howard asked if he wants him to talk to his mom about it. Robin said he didn't disguise himself at all. She said if he wasn't himself then he might have gotten away with it.
Howard said he loves the song but he thinks that he may not have made a good decision. Howard asked about the medals he has on his wall. Killa said they're for track and field. Howard said he seems to be pretty well off based on what he saw in his room.
Robin asked what his mom and dad do. Killa said his mom doesn't really work. He said his dad doesn't live with them. He said that might be why he has too much time on his hands to do this stuff.
Howard said he thinks he should discuss this with his mom. He said he can play his dad if he wants. He said if he was his dad he'll be his dad. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel was the one who sent him the video so it's gotten that far.
Howard said maybe Killa can do an age restriction on the video and make it only for people over the age of 60. Killa said he was doing it for comedy. He said it might not be everyone's sense of humor. He said some people may not get it. Howard said he loves it. Robin said she wishes they knew it was a joke.
Howard said the kid seems like he might be a brilliant comedian. Robin said she thought he was for real. Howard said he might not be old enough to listen to his own song. He asked how old he is. Killa said he's 17. Howard said the age restriction might be 18.
Howard said Killa has to think this thing through. He said he should call him before doing another one and he'll advise him. Killa asked if it's okay that he didn't record this. Howard said it's fine. The Howard TV guys wanted video but that's fine.
Howard told Killa to talk to his mom about this. He said that he has to break it to her. Howard said as his dad he'd tell him to take it down. He said it's going to be tough to get girls with that video out there. Robin said they do research when you try to get into school and stuff. Robin said if he applies to college they search the internet. Howard said they won't know his Killa Karisma name though. Howard told him not to apply to college as Killa Karisma.
Howard asked Killa if he has any prospects in mind. Killa said he has a girl he likes but he hasn't made his move yet. Howard told him not to show her the video. Killa said he definitely won't do that. Killa said there are girls on Facebook who are into him but Robin said they're not dating him. Killa said he knows that.
Howard said Killa must need to get to school. Killa said he has to be there by 8:15. Howard asked what his favorite subject is. Killa said it's probably math. He said he's good with it but it can be confusing at times. Howard said he knows what that's like. Howard asked what 9x9 is. Killa knew it was 81. Howard asked what 7x8 is. He knew it was 56. Howard said he's pretty good. Howard said he has to go. He said it was good talking to him. Howard thanked him for the song. He said they got a lot of time out of it. Howard said he had better tell his mom about it. Killa said he will. Howard said he thinks he should take it down. Robin asked how he can take it down. Howard said it might be too late.
Howard asked Killa if he would freestyle to Robin. Robin said no. Killa said he's never seen her before. Howard said she's a goddess. He asked what her Facebook name is. Howard said it's The Khaleesi. Howard asked what his favorite TV show is. Killa said he doesn't really watch TV. He said he just randomly goes on the web all day.
Howard told him to watch him on America's Got Talent this season. Killa said he'll do that. Howard said goodbye to him once again but Robin wanted to ask if he writes jokes. Killa said if he does they don't come out as funny. He said he does write them sometimes. Howard said he has guys who write for him and they're not funny either.
Gary came in and asked about the video he has out where he stares at the screen for a minute and then screams. Killa told him it's based on some characters in Dragon Ball Z. He said they charge up and become really powerful. He said a lot of people misunderstood the video and thought he was retarded. Howard said that's what he thought. Killa said he probably would too.
Howard asked Killa if he has any friends. He said he has a few but not a lot. Howard asked if he's a nerd. Killa said he's not a nerd or a jock. He said he's somewhere in the middle. Gary asked if he goes straight home from school. Killa said he goes home and doesn't really have any human friends. He said people in general annoy him so he doesn't like being around them. Howard said he sounds like him.
Howard asked if he gets beat up a lot. Killa said he can handle himself. Howard said he really has to go. He told Killa to have a good day. He finally let him go.
Howard said the kid is on to something with that song. He said he really thinks he should tell his mother though.
Robin said the mother will find out on her own or he'll have to tell her. Howard said the kid seems to be a cute kid. Benjy asked if he was 18 if he'd tell him to take it down. Howard said he would. Benjy said the kid is hilarious. He said that it was hilarious before he said it was a goof. Howard said he can't figure out if he understands why it's funny or not. Robin said he does get it but it doesn't come off as a joke to most people. Howard said chicks who see it might not want to date him after seeing it. Howard said Benjy might be right. Robin said that Benjy won't talk about his past because it might offend girls. Benjy said jerking off is funny. Robin said that everyone is going to look at that. She said colleges are going to see it and know the kid did it.
Howard played some of his song and then took a call. The caller said he likes that Howard thinks the kid is going to be qualified for anything that a boss would need to see the video for. Howard said you never know what he's going to get involved with.
Howard took another call from a guy who said the kid thinks his future is a million miles away but it's not that far. Howard said he tried to get through to the kid.
Another caller said he thought Howard was way off base but then he thought about Howard playing with puppets and stuff. Howard said his dad took those things away. The caller said the more he heard Howard talking to the kid the more right he thought he was. Howard said he was trying to do the right thing in life. Howard thanked the caller for that.
Howard played more of Killa's song and laughed some more. Howard took another call from a guy who said he liked that kid. He said he was better at math than Eric the Actor is. Howard said the kid is 17 and he's happy whenever anyone knows math like that. Howard said they now know what Killa is like. Howard said he's really not a douche bag. He played more of his song.
Howard said he wishes he'd send that video into America's Got Talent. Howard said he's not sure exactly how to do that though. He said that you should go to AGT's web site and figure it out. Howard said anyone who didn't audition can submit their video like that.
Howard played more of Killa's song where he was singing about his penis loving the girl's body and then getting his lotion and jacking off.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said Killa was an inspiration and started to sing a song about Howard. Howard let her go on for a few seconds before cutting her off. He played more of Killa's song.
Robin said she and one of her friends were writing notes back and forth in class once and they ended up getting very sexual with their note. She said that the teacher read it and threw them both out of class. She said that might be why she's so sensitive.
Mark asked if he ever got the Rachel Fine and Robin side by side thing together. Howard said he thinks that Robin has bigger titties. Robin said Rachel might have a smaller frame than her. Howard said they want to know who has bigger titties. Howard asked Robin if she's ever weighted her breasts. Robin said she's sure her's would be more. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard said Rachel's are pretty big.
Howard said Rachel has massive boobs. He said that Rachel wears dresses to show her's off. Robin does the same. Mark said Rachel's seem to defy gravity too. Howard said what they're going to do is let Richie feel up Robin's titties. He said Richie knows Rachel's so he can compare. Richie said he was on his way in.
Howard asked Rachel what Rachel is. He said she's a natural 34-D. Mark suggested that they bring her to Robin's bra place to find out exactly what size she is.
Howard asked Robin how they got her to show her bra. Robin said that they were playing that game with that girl who was the most downloaded and she lost in the game and had to flash. Howard said she looked sexy as hell when she did that. Howard sang ''Jacking Off to You Girl'' to her.
Mark changed subjects and asked about Mel Gibson. That led to Howard and Robin talking about what a mess the guy has gotten to be. Howard said he thinks he's better looking than Mel is these days. Robin said he might be less than 0 on the Ugly Meter app.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that what was great about that kid is that he isn't afraid of peer pressure. He said he's just doing what he thinks is right. Howard said that can be a bad thing. Howard said that people would have laughed at him if he talked about jerking off in high school. Howard said he's almost out so maybe he doesn't care. The caller said he thinks the kid has a great future ahead of him. Howard said it might be on this show. Robin said as long as they're still on the air when he needs a job he might have one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw his AGT commercial and he thinks he looks awesome in it. He said he thought it was cool to see him walking through the crowd. Howard started to sing Killa's song.
The caller said he would like Sirius to fire him so he can fire them. He said he wants them to see what it's like without Howard Stern. Howard said he thinks they've forgotten about that. Howard said they're flush with success with 20 million subscribers. Howard said people forget where they were at. The caller said he'll quit them when Howard quits. Howard said he likes the people there but he's dismayed at what happened. He said it's a confusing time for him. He said he had to take a break. He said they have the Triple X factor coming up. He said they will have nude guys and nude women coming in to do their acts for them. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked if that was Evil Dave singing Black Sabbath. Fred said that's what it was. Howard said they were talking about Mel Gibson and he's slated to be on Jay Leno's show on Friday. Howard wondered if Jay is going to ask him about anything. Robin said he won't. Howard said he's not sure how you interview Mel and keep it light. Howard said he'd love to ask the guy how he deals with it. He said he had prestige and he was a direct and now it's a mess.
Howard said he thinks this Triple X Factor is going to take off. Howard wondered which mic he was supposed to use. Will told him that engineering is going to handle it. Ronnie came in to judge so Howard asked if he's still worked up about his 0. Ronnie told him to stop it.
Jeff Jarvis was on the phone so Howard picked up on him. Jeff said he thinks that Killa was great and now that they have YouTube every kid can be Howard Stern. He said we have to be more tolerant with that kind of thing. He said not giving people a job over something like that isn't right. Robin said that it could mean that it's part of your personality if you sing about something like that.
Howard let Jeff go and got to the Triple X Factor competition. Howard said that AshleyMadison.com has a $10,000 prize for the winner. Everyone has to compete nude in this competition. Howard said they're going to rate everyone on talent and not how they look naked.
Howard had the first contestant come in. Her name was Mary. Howard said this is where they interview the guest before the competition. Howard said Mary is attractive. He asked how she is. She answered but her mic wasn't working. The guys got it fixed pretty quick. Howard asked about why she was wearing a robe. She said she was told to put one on. Howard told her to take it off. Howard said it would be funnier if she had it off. Ronnie said she has a thing about showing them to everyone. Howard said Mary is in good shape. She said she's a personal trainer. Howard said she's shaved just enough too. Howard told her to turn around. Mary had a tramp stamp. Howard said she has buns of steel too. Howard asked how tall she is. Mary said she's 5 foot tall. Howard asked if some people are just born to be naked. Mary said she was a stripper in college. She said her parents didn't know she did that. She said she told her parents not to listen to the show. Howard asked if they're upset that she's in this game. She said they're cool with it. Mary said she has a husband and a daughter too. Howard asked how she broke the news to them. She said she did it at Easter dinner. Mary said she got dead silence from everyone. She said they asked her about her future. She said she's very excited about this and she's just going to do it.
Howard asked if she has been a fan of th show. She said she got hooked about 5 years ago. Howard asked if this is going to affect her Aerobics class. She said that she lives in a small town and hopes that they don't have Howard TV there. Howard asked what he should be eating. She said he should eat ''clean food.'' Howard asked how he can get rid of his belly. She said that it's carbs. Howard said he eats some pasta and rice. She told him to stop with that.
Howard said it's time for talent. He asked Mary what she's going to do for them. She said she can belch. Howard said that's a talent. She drank some soda to prepare for her belching. Howard had her go ahead and belch. She let out a long one. Howard told her to keep going. He thought that was pretty funny. Mary said she can do more. Howard told Robin to quiet down. She let out a belching ''Baba Booey'' and another long one. Howard said there's nothing better than a naked chick doing anything.
Howard asked Mary about her boobs which are implants. She said she got them up to a D from basically nothing. Howard said that was Mary and they all saw her act. She burps. Howard said she's in some shape. He said he loved her act. She put her robe back on so Howard asked if she could leave it off. She said she just wanted to sit on it.
Howard had Cliff Lyons come in next. Cliff was totally nude too. Howard laughed when he came in. Everyone started laughing when they saw the guy. Howard asked how he's doing. Everyone was laughing harder and harder. Howard asked what was so funny. Gary said he was thinking ''little dick, little guitar.'' Cliff said it's very cold in the studio. He said he had about half an inch. Howard said he might be smaller or about the same as him. Howard said his ball sack is almost black too. Cliff said that ball sack gave him four daughters.
Howard said that Cliff was afraid that he might get aroused by the other contestants. Ronnie said it did grow a little bit. Cliff thought the cold was going to keep it small. Howard had Mary stand up so he could see if Cliff gets aroused. Howard said he hopes that's not an erection. Gary said it is bigger than it was when he came in. Howard said Mary did move the meter.
Howard said Cliff plays the ukulele. Cliff said he needs the money. He said he would take his family on vacation if he wins. He said he'd pay off some bills too. Howard asked if he sings too. Cliff said he does. He said he sings in the church choir too. Howard asked if he told them what he'd be doing. He said he did and he asked them to pray for him. Howard asked what the pastor thought about that. Cliff said they told him to be careful.
Howard said Cliff clearly needs the money. Cliff said he's a real estate broker and the business has been off lately. He said that's why he needs the money. Cliff said that he used to run around naked when he was younger so he's used to this. He said he was pretty wild when he was younger. He said that he has a 4 year old he takes care of during the day. His wife works as a teacher.
Howard told Cliff to go ahead and perform. Cliff played his ukulele and sang a song about California. After the song he got some applause. Howard said you have to remember that these people are naked. Howard said they're not going to get a Whitney Houston type in there.
Howard asked Cliff if he practiced singing naked. He said he did. Howard said he was swinging his hips while he sang. Ronnie said his penis got smaller when he sang too.
Howard asked if Cliff is going to pop an erection sitting next to the naked Mary. Cliff said his wife's name is Mary too. Howard said they have more contestants coming in. Howard asked Cliff not to get Mary pregnant. Cliff said he'll be fine. Howard said that was something.
Howard said they have another contestant coming in now. He said they have a $10,000 prize for the winner thanks to AshleyMadison.com.
Howard had the next contestant come in. It turned out to be two women, Kelley Jean and Layla Labelle. Howard spoke to the women and asked about their band Tight. The women told Howard about how they met and how long the band has been around. Kelley Jean is the new singer for the band. Kelley said that she was found on YouTube. They have a documentary coming out later this year and it's called Tight. They basically threw a bunch of porn stars together to make a band.
Howard said Layla is a very good looking woman. Layla said she's not a porn star anymore but there is some video out there. She said she wants to focus on music right now so that's what she's been doing. Howard asked how many pornos she made. Layla said she made about 20. Howard asked if she did anal. She said she did. Layla said she had sex with women and men in the movies. Howard asked what the wildest thing she did was. She said she did a 7 man anal and golden showers. Howard had her turn around and show her ass. Ronnie said she has dimples above her ass. He said that's nice. He asked where she's from. She said she's from Montreal so she has a French accent and also a British accent from living over in the UK.
Howard asked Layla about some of the other porn stuff she did. Gary asked her about the golden showers she did. She said she tried that but didn't really enjoy it. She said she didn't hate it either. Layla said that some people like it. She said that she did it with a girl and the girl was talking about how warm it was. She told Howard that they just pee all over you. She said they do it in a baby pool. She said that she laughed when it was going on so it wasn't really sexy.
Howard asked Kelley about being a porn star. She said she was but she doesn't do it now. Howard asked if Cliff was getting an erection. He said he was about to. He said they were beautiful women. Howard said he has a pretty small penis. The girls said they could use it somehow.
Howard said this is something else. He asked the girls about getting into fist fights in the band. Layla said people get upset with her and hit her. She said she'll say stuff and the girls will hit her in the face. She said she's very honest. Layla said they'll say she's a bitch. Howard asked if the girls have ever escorted. They said no. Kelley said that she has a party bus that she owns. She said that's called Good Life Limo. She said they rent that out for bachelor parties and stuff. Kelley said a lot of stuff goes on in there but she chooses not to know what's going on.
Howard said this is exciting. He said the girls look great but the competition is about talent. Howard asked about this song they're performing. They wrote it and rehearsed it this week. Howard asked if they ever make out at rehearsals. Kelley said they do sometimes. Layla said she had sex with one of the girls but she won't say which one.
Howard had the girls perform. Kelley Jean was the singer and Layla was on guitar. They performed to a music track. They did their song ''Yellow Line Fever.''
After the song Howard said that was the band Tight. Kelley said she wasn't able to hear herself. Howard said they try to make it as difficult as possible for their contestants. Howard said he thought they performed well. Howard said they were tight. Howard said they're naked too. Kelley got in a plug for their band at TightBand.com.
Howard said that they had Mary, Cliff and the band Tight perform. Howard said the lead singer of the band seems really good. Layla said it's very easy to work with her. Howard said she hasn't hit her yet so that's good too. Layla said the drummer and bassist hit her too.
Howard said they have their final contestant coming in now. Howard said everyone loves Triple X Factor. He said they have a $10,000 prize. Howard said the next big talent show is going to be naked.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the show is great and this trumps all of the other shitty shows out there. He said Ronnie is acting like a jerk though. He said he talked about the dimples on that girl's back. Ronnie told him to get lost.
Howard said there's no reason to fight. They're all having fun in there. Howard said that Ronnie is taking this very seriously. The caller said he's creepy and an old decrepit asshole.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what they all look like. Howard said Mary is an aerobics instructor who is short but has a very attractive face. Howard said she's got big breasts and she's very fit. Gary said she has a six pack. She has a landing strip down below.
Howard said Cliff's cock is just the head covered in hair like an egg in a bird's next with big, black balls. Howard said he's a very pleasant guy. He said he looks like Johnny Depp after being in a car accident.
Howard said Kelley Jean and Layla are on the web. He described them too. Kelley said she gets Christina Aguilera a lot. Ronnie said he thinks she looks like Cyndi Lauper. Howard said Layla is very thin and smokin' hot. He said she looks a little like Alyssa Milano. The caller asked if they were all 10s. Ronnie said they are all 10s other than Cliff.
Another caller said the girl's song was really good. Another caller said he thinks that this is what Benjy has been waiting for. He said that's why he won't commit to Elisa. He said the girls sound sexy and they're willing to get naked. He said that's why Benjy won't commit. Benjy said he is committed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was one of the shittiest performances he's ever heard. The girls said they couldn't hear their own voices.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big Killa Karisma fan. He said that Ronnie has a keen eye for that penis thing. Ronnie said Jason saw that too. Ronnie said they have to rate everyone in every way.
Howard had their fourth and final contestant come in. Her name was Sindy Lange. Howard said he loves naked Triple X Factor. Howard said that she's a porn star too. Howard asked if she's got real or fake breasts. She said they're fake. She's been in porn since 2004. Robin asked how many films she's been in. Sindy said she's been in over 200. Howard said a woman who looks like her should have been able to find a rich guy to marry. Sindy said she has wanted to do porn since she was about 14 or 15. She said she saw Debbie Does Dallas and she wanted to do porn.
Sindy told Howard that her dad used to laugh at her dreams. She was kind of a Tom boy when she was young so he told her she'd have to get breasts first. Sindy said she was rejected at first. She said she wanted to do hard core stuff. She said that she showed them that she could squirt so that got her into the hard core stuff.
Howard asked what the hardest thing she's done in porn. Sindy said she doesn't swallow and she doesn't take a load in any of her holes. She said she will take it on her face though. She said the loads make her sick. She said she can do things to make herself squirt. She said she tried anal but it wasn't for her. She said it didn't turn her on as much as she thought it would. She said she started doing guys in the ass instead and that was fun.
Howard asked Sindy about where she lives. She said she still lives in Nebraska. She said she goes to L.A. to shoot her movies but only for a few weeks at a time. Sindy said she also escorts.
Howard said he read that she had sex with her boyfriend every hour for 26 hours on a road trip. She said she did that. She said she's a nympho. Gary asked her about the escort thing and how much she gets for a night. Sindy said she starts out at $500 an hour. She said it all depends on the chemistry with the guy. Gary asked if he'd get sex. She said that it depends. It's not guaranteed. Gary wondered why anyone would pay that much and not get laid. Ronnie said it's like a taxi, you put the meter down and see where you go.
Howard asked Sindy if she would do Cliff. She said that she would do him in the ass. Sindy told Howard that he'd get laid if he was with her.
Howard said it's time for Sindy's talent. She smokes a cigarette with her vagina. Howard asked if you can get cancer like that. She said she's not sure but she hopes not. Howard had her get to it. Sindy lit up and Ronnie started laughing. Sindy got into position and inhaled the smoke with her vagina. She blew out the smoke and everyone laughed. Howard said he thinks he saw smoke rings. Howard said it's been a long time since he smelled cigarette smoke. Howard said that's a real talent. Howard asked if she queefs too. She said she does. Sindy demonstrated. Ronnie told her to do that with smoke. Sindy tried it and got some laughs. Sindy said she can drink down there too. Howard said he thinks they saw enough for today.
Howard said now comes the tough part. He said they have to judge the talent. Howard said Mary did her belching. Howard said they saw Cliff with his penis. Ronnie said he thinks it's growing again. Howard talked about Kelly Jean and Layla and Sindy's smoking vagina.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who said he wanted to wish everyone luck. Howard said all of the celebrities are listening.
Howard said he's going to judge this and everyone knows it's not so easy. Robin said she's not sure what they're looking for. Howard said only one act can win. Howard said they're going to judge from 1-10 and they have to tell him who got the highest amount on their score sheet. Howard said he has Noel from AshleyMadison.com there. They have over 13 million members on the site now.
Robin was first up. She said that she was thinking that it was great they all showed up. She said Mary is the least talented. Robin said it was kind of average compared to the other acts. Robin said maybe if she had an act to go along with it. She said she just belched. Robin said that Cliff was doing pretty well but then Tight came in. Robin said she wasn't sure if Layla was able to play the guitar. Kelley said she really can. They just weren't able to hear themselves.
Robin said it comes down to Tight and Sindy. Howard said we all know Joe Camel and Sindy should be called Joe Camel Toe. Sindy liked that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to take the acts on the road to Vegas for AGT. Howard said he might have to.
Robin said she's going to give her vote to Tight. Howard went to Gary next. Gary said he thought Mary had a great body. He said she didn't bring anything new to belching though. Gary said Cliff started out pitchy but he had style. That got laughs from the guys. Gary said Tight was good and Kelly Jean can sing. He said Sindy is confusing him. He said he's wondering if she's a $10,000 act or not. Sindy said she can show more. Gary said he knows that she can. Gary said he thinks the answer is he would put money down to see her so he has to give his vote to her.
Howard said Sindy just got Gary's vote. Gary said he would have picked Tight as his second choice. Howard said some people thought this next person shouldn't be a judge. That was Fred. Fred said he thinks that Mary and Sindy weren't talented enough to carry on alone. He said if they paired up they might have walked away with the competition. Fred said Cliff was good and he had balls for coming in there. He said he's like the Susan Boyle of the competition. Fred said he thinks that he has to give his vote to Tight. Fred said the voice blew him away. He said that he's taking the bad guitar playing out of it and giving his vote to them.
Howard said now they'll go to the man of the hour, the guy who got a 0 rating on the Ugly Meter app, Ronnie. Ronnie said he agrees about Mary. He said there wasn't anything there. He said she's cute though. He said he gives props up the ass to Cliff for walking in there naked. He said the girls were okay singing but he gives his vote to Sindy. He said she's very original. Howard sounded shocked.
Howard said this has tied up the votes. He said he has to break the tie. Howard said they do the same thing to him on AGT. Howard said Robin and Fred say Tight was the best. Gary and Ronnie say Sindy was the best. Howard said Sindy is seducing him with her eyes. Howard said it's 2 votes to 2 votes. He thanked AshleyMadison.com for giving them the money for this competition. Howard said he's not sure how Noel has a cent but he does. Gary said all of the runners up are going to get $350. Howard said someone's penis just grew half an inch and it wasn't his.
Howard said he agrees about Mary. He said that the burping wasn't enough. He said she should have added something else to it. Howard said it's not enough to win the prize. Howard said maybe dry ice or lasers would have helped. Howard said Cliff is a brave guy for coming in with his black balls. Howard said he's not sure how he has such black balls. He said that he was good at playing the ukulele though. He didn't like the song. Cliff said that he had to pick something that was public domain.
Howard said it comes down to Sindy and Tight. Howard said Sindy blew him away with the smoke thing. He said he swears he saw smoke rings. She said that's possible. Howard said it was something that put him over the top. Howard said she queefed and smoked and that was very good too. He said that shows she's fun and knows how to be on stage. Robin said she didn't come up with it herself though. Fred and Ronnie defended her saying that she was doing improv.
Howard said the singers were good. They came in with an original song and he thought it was surprisingly good. Howard said Kelley was very good. Howard said that he didn't care what Layla did as long as she stood there naked. Howard said Sindy is going to get... second place. He said he's giving his vote to Tight. Howard said that she can come back next year and try again. Robin said she needs to create an act. Howard said Robin is right. She said she wanted to shoot some spit wads out of her vagina. Howard said maybe some dry ice and lasers next time.
Layla and Kelley were very happy about their win. Layla said she's going to buy some music gear. Howard said the rest of them get $350. Howard said that Noel from AshleyMadison.com is going to present the girls with the check. Noel said that they might be able to do a jingle for them with their music. Howard said Noel is known for those jingles. Noel said the song will be just for Howard's show. Howard said ''Like anyone else would want it.''
Noel said that they have people all over the world on their site. Robin said they wanted to get their name on the Meadowlands stadium but they were turned down. Noel said they offered $25 million but they went with a much lower bid because they didn't want to have that name on the stadium. Howard thanked Noel for coming in and providing them this money. Howard asked Sindy if she had anything to plug. She said she doesn't have a web site right now. She said you can Google her. She said her name is spelled with an S.
Cliff said he has a YouTube channel under the name CliiffYD. The girls from Tight got in a few plugs for MotorCityDolls.net, Goodlifelimo.com, DetroitDungeon.com and TightBand.com. They talked about their documentary that will be out in September too. Howard wished them luck with the band and thanked everyone for coming in. They went to break after that.
Jon went through some more stuff for today's show before Howard had Robin start her news. They played her into her news with the song parody to the tune of ''Jacking Off to You.'' Robin started her news talking about the new People Magazine Most Beautiful People issue. Howard tried guessing who was on the cover. Howard said he thinks it's someone like Robin. Robin said it's Beyonce. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said that's not accurate. He said she has a beautiful face but not overall beauty. He said you have to have everything going on with that face. Robin asked who he would put on the cover. Howard said he has to think about that. Howard said they have to have the body and the face. Howard said someone like Kate Beckinsale is beautiful. Howard said she's more beautiful than J-Lo or Beyonce. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he agrees with Beckinsale over Beyonce. Robin said that Brooklyn Decker is hot too. Howard said she's way hotter than Beyonce. Fred threw out some other names like Nicole Scherzinger. Howard said she's stunning. That led to them talking about how they say that they want a fourth judge on America's Got Talent. Howard said that's not going to happen. He said he spoke to Simon about that.
Robin said that Rosie O'Donnell is back. She's going to be on the Today show as a panel member. Robin had some audio of Rosie talking about Lindsay Lohan on one of these panels on the show. She was talking about how Lindsay isn't ready to work yet. Howard agreed with her on that. Robin said that Michael Lohan has come out against Rosie of course.
Robin read about how some popularity polls for the wives of people running for office. Robin went through that stuff quickly. That led to Howard and Robin talking about the first lady and her popularity. She also mentioned something about the first lady wants to take on North Korea and get rid of them.
Howard said he read an article about Kim Jong Ill and how he tried convincing his people that his birth was supernatural. Howard said they say he was born in a secret base in a log cabin. He said that they say that a new star was born in the sky and the seasons changed from winter to spring and then a talking ice berg came. Howard said they actually know he was born in a guerilla camp in Russia. Howard said in 2006 they say Kim Jong Ill thought that buying giant rabbits would solve their food problem. They also taught their people that he doesn't urinate or have bowel movements. Robin said they do that with films and lie about where they're made. Howard said it's crazy. Robin said it's a whole country that's been taught nonsense. Howard read more about the lies they tell the people of North Korea. Howard said they say that he's the best golfer of all time. Howard said they probably say he's got the highest Donkey Kong score of all time too. Howard read more of the article and they say that the guy would imprison the families of criminals. Robin wondered why they don't try to overthrow these people. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said that Ozzy does good covers. Howard sang along with the song a little bit. Howard said he feels like jerking off to Facebook pictures now.
Robin got back to her news and read about a bird strike on a plane that had to land. Robin said it was at Westchester Airport. Robin said maybe the first lady should take that on instead of North Korea. Howard had to do another live commercial after that.
Robin asked Howard what the tallest building in New York is. Howard said some would say it's the Empire State building but they'd be wrong. Robin asked why that is. Robin said that's it. Robin said in about 5 days it won't be. Robin said that's when the under construction skyscraper will reach 101 floors. Robin said it's 1 World Trade Center. Howard was unaware of that. Howard said he didn't know they were rebuilding down there. Howard asked why he hasn't seen it. Robin said it's right there to see. Howard said the furthest he goes is to his dentist so he doesn't get down there. Howard said he had no idea it was even called the Freedom Tower. Howard said that's what's great about America. We come back stronger than ever and build it even taller.
Robin read about Don Cornelius' autopsy. She said they say that he was having seizures and he was depressed about his life toward the end too. Howard said that guy got really pissed at Stuttering John after he asked some questions. He said the guy wanted to sue them over that but they informed him that he was on a red carpet when they asked so he can't sue.
Robin read about Apple reporting strong earnings. Robin said that a lot of pundits were saying that they might not be doing that well but they are doing just fine. Robin said they are stronger than ever and everything is going great. Howard said that's some company. He said their products have changed his life. Robin said they changed her's too but for the worse. Howard said he loves his iPad. He said he likes the iTunes store and all of that. He said he's busy with his iPhone all the time too. He said he loves Apple. Robin read about their earnings and had some audio of someone talking about that stuff. Howard asked if they're one company or two. Howard said he buys anything they put out as soon as it comes out. Howard said he likes Baba Booey saying that the iPad was a misstep for them. Howard said he should have hung up his beaver costume after that. Gary said that stuff happens. He said he was wrong, no doubt. Howard said he couldn't be more wrong. Gary said he's not an expert, he's an enthusiast. Howard said Gary's exact quote was ''In a lot of ways it was a bit of a stumble.'' Howard said people probably think that since Steve Jobs is gone that things are going to go downhill. Howard said it has to be a big blow to them.
Robin read about a case of mad cow disease in California. Robin had some audio of an officials talking about that. Robin said this is the fourth case found in the U.S. since 2003. Robin said that it can be passed along to humans. Howard said most of his intelligent friends have stopped eating red meat. Fred said he hasn't. He said he loves steak. He can't give it up. Howard said Fred's favorite meal is a hot dog. Fred said he's just not that smart. He said he does love steak. Howard said he hasn't had turkey or chicken in about a year. Fred said he's never giving that up. Howard said he doesn't miss it. He said he thought about how cute the birds were and he had to stop eating it. Robin said it's so barbaric. Howard said it was turning his stomach. He said he still eats fish. Fred said he puts chicken on the same level as fish. Howard said he does not. Fred said he has no excuse for cow.
Robin had more about the mad cow disease and tried to get Howard to play an audio clip. The clip was missing.
Howard asked Robin if she saw the story about the kids who are drinking hand sanitizer. Robin said she was just going to read that. She said that a bunch of kids have been showing up in hospitals because of that. Howard said that the alcohol content is 64 percent in that stuff. He said he wants to puke thinking about that. Robin said they say that it could become a huge problem. Robin said that teens can find distillation instructions on the internet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought the Cigarette Cindy thing was great. Howard said he's pretty sure he saw smoke rings. The guy asked if they could do bong hits out of that thing. Howard said he doesn't know about that. The caller also said that Ronnie is a real creep when it comes to women like that. Howard said he's not sure anyone else thinks that. Fred and Howard did their impressions of Ronnie yelling at the guy. The caller said he's a dude and Ronnie creeps him out.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about the republican primaries and the upcoming election. Robin said Mitt Romney has turned his attention on the President and he's saying his presidency has failed. Robin had audio of Romney talking about that and some other things. Robin had some clips of President Obama too.
Robin said she read a study that was done that found that good teachers are a great impact on students later on in life. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said he can't remember anything from 1st grade through 12th. He said he had one good college professor.
Howard told Robin about one teacher who threw him into the hall on visitor day at school. Howard said she wanted his mom to see him out there. Howard said she put him back in class but then made him face the wall. Howard said he thought that he could tell his mom that he just had his desk backwards. He said it was no wonder he wasn't learning anything. Howard said his mom did see his desk turned. He said that the teacher let him off the hook that day though.
Gary said he got the full open hand on the side of his head at school. He said he got that from a lady teacher. He said his brother had a priest hang him on a hook in a closet. He said that's when his parents put him in public school.
Robin read more about President Obama and had some updates about the Secret Service scandal. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about how great most of them are. He was on Jimmy Fallon's show talking about that. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the estranged wife of Deion Sanders getting into some trouble. Robin had some audio of her talking about what was going on.
Robin said that Jon Lovitz won't be voting for President Obama. Robin had some audio of Lovitz talking about that in a comedy bit.
Robin read about Russell Brand testifying in front of the British Parliament. Robin had some audio of him talking to the Parliament about his drug issues. Howard said he was joking around most of the time but he got serious for a moment. Howard said he wasn't dressed appropriately either. Howard said he looked like Charles Manson with the crosses all over him.
Robin said that John Cusack just got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She had some audio of John commenting on that. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Gary said he stole every word of his speech from Howard. He said he has seen Howard judge and he has heard him say that they've seen people do similar things. He said when that guy started singing he was very pitchy. He said he did get better too though.
Jason said he was watching Cliff's penis because it was like a thermometer for what was going on in there. He said he would chub up at times. Gary said his ball sack really was black too. He said it was interesting. Jason said that Eddie the Produce Guy's balls sack was the same way.
Benjy said he didn't like the little snipe that Fred took at him today. He said he does it all the time and puts him down a lot. He said he really doesn't like that. Benjy said when Howard asked Fred if he should judge, Fred said no.
Gary got into a conversation with Benjy about this ''law of attraction'' thing he was talking about yesterday. Gary said he thinks that he should keep his answer simple if Howard asks him a question. Benjy said he doesn't think it's that ridiculous. Jason said that they expect a big explanation from him if he starts off with something like that. Gary said he has to keep it simpler earlier on until he can use the phrase like that.
Jon asked how difficult it was to factor or not factor in the nudity during the judging. Jason said he would have voted for Cliff if he was judging. He said out of pure talent he was the best. Gary said he didn't take the nudity into account. He said he based his vote on talent.
Jon took a call from a guy who said some of the girls are used to being nude so that's not fair. Gary said they didn't take into account any of that. Jason said that naked is naked. Gary said that girl in the band had a great voice. He said he really liked that song.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Benjy is always annoying on the show. Benjy said she has that opinion. He asked her where she's from. Gary said they're getting into the vortex. The caller agreed. Gary said that when Benjy answered that question yesterday he wasn't trying to get Howard into the vortex. He is doing that with this caller though. Benjy said he's really interested in where she's from. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon said that the burper got short shrift from the guys today. Gary said that she was okay but they've had better.
Jon asked Ronnie what he was picking up from this contest today. Ronnie said he was picking up on everything. He said the naked guy was funny. Jon asked Ronnie about that clip Howard played from Fine Time where he talked about getting oral from Benjy. Ronnie said he was joking but then he said that he does think that Benjy dabbles in different things. Benjy said he wishes he dabbled. He said it would be funny to talk about but he hasn't.
Gary asked if Benjy has had sex in a room with another guy in there at the same time. Benjy said he has and asked Gary if he has. Gary said no. Will said he has had sex with guys in the room. the guy in the room with Benjy was jerking off watching Benjy having sex. Benjy said he fucked the guy's girlfriend. Ronnie said that's why he says he likes to dabble.
Ronnie said all he did was pick Benjy as the guy to blow him because of his history. He said he never said that Benjy has blown a guy. He said he thinks that Benjy would try anything for once and maybe he'd blow him. Benjy said he never would blow a guy.
Gary said he thought it was interesting that Ronnie said he based that whole thing on seeing Benjy hanging out in certain areas. Ronnie said he worked for the Today show and he'd have to go downtown to pick people up. He said he would see Benjy hanging out down in the 20s where the hookers were hanging out. He said Benjy was hanging out with them down there. Benjy said he lived there. He said he wasn't ''with'' them. Ronnie said he was out on the street walking around with them. He doesn't know what he was or wasn't doing with them. Ronnie said all he said was that Benjy was hanging out with them.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he has ever been with a girl. Ronnie said he's been with lots of them. Benjy said maybe he'd like to give a blow job then. No one knew where he was going with that. Gary said he's not saying Benjy would ever blow a guy but he gets what Ronnie is saying.
Ronnie said that Richard told him that he would blow him if he was offered a million bucks from Noel Biderman. Gary said Noel might just go for that. Ronnie said he'd need a million too.
Jon asked Ronnie what he had in his notes that he took during the Triple X Factor. Ronnie said he wrote notes about how cute Mary was and how bad her boob job was. He said he wrote that Cliff had a little dick. He said he had a great attitude and did a nice job. Ronnie said he also said that he had big balls for walking in the studio the way he did. Ronnie said he wrote about Kelley and Layla and how great their attitudes where. He said that he didn't think they could win because you can hear a band like that in any bar. He wrote about how good he thought Sindy was with her act too.
Jon asked if he thinks Howard was wrong picking the band. Ronnie said he thought Sindy was very good and original with the smoking thing. He said it was an original act.
Shuli said that Sal was researching Sindy's work and showed him some of the stuff she does. He said Sal was all into it and had all of her movies up on his screens.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if there were some technical problems because it sounded like the guitars were kind of bad. He said it sounded pretty awesome to him. Gary said they might have put it down a little bit. Will said they had a track playing and the chick wasn't keeping up with the track.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Ronnie's 0 has anything to do with him fantasizing about guys blowing him. Ronnie said it doesn't at all. The caller said he's mellowed out lately. Gary said he is a little more mellow since Monday. Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that he overreacted on Monday. Ronnie said he didn't at all. He said he didn't do anything wrong.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked everyone if Ronnie was looking at the girls as much as he was looking at the dude. Ronnie said of course he was. He said he was talking about how the girls looked. Will said he thinks that he was looking at the guy a lot.
Another caller said this was supposed to be about triple x and about good porn. Gary said it was about something different for everyone. He said he took it as straight on talent. Gary said they called it Triple X because they were naked. The caller said that it was like any other TV show. Gary said that's what it's supposed to be, just with naked performers. Jon went to break a short time later.
Jon saw that Richard came in so he asked him about the BJ thing with Ronnie. Richard said he'd do it for a million tax free. He said Ronnie would have to wear a condom of course. Ronnie said he'd have to get the same money. Gary said that Richard would be on video and it would be on the internet forever. He said once you've blown a guy you can't make that go away. Richard said he licked Sal's balls for 5 grand. It's not that much different. Richard said he could move and get a nice place in New York city and it would be worth it.
Ronnie is willing to do it as long as he gets the same money. Gary asked if he could get a hard on. Ronnie said he's not sure about that. Benjy asked if he can get a hard on normally. Ronnie told him to shut up. Richard said he'll put a digit in Ronnie's butthole for 500 more.
Gary asked Ronnie if he would be upset that he finished with a man. Ronnie said he could retire after that. He said they'd never see him again. Gary said it's not a bad thing to be gay but Ronnie is going to be looked at differently after that. Ronnie said ''Ya think?''
Benjy asked Ronnie if he would blow Richard for that money. Ronnie said no way. He said that's gay. Jon asked if finishing in Richard's mouth is gay. Ronnie said he'd be wearing a condom.
Benjy asked Richard if he would do it as a contest for a million and Ronnie had to pick someone to win. Richard said he thinks he could beat Benjy. Benjy asked if he would take the risk of losing to do it. Richard said he doesn't think so. He said he'd bet that Benjy has some tricks ups his sleeve.
Benjy asked Gary if he would blow a man for a billion dollars. Gary said he's thinking about it. He said it's not a ''no'' yet.
Will asked Richard if he'd do it for any guy. Richard said he's not turned on by this whole thing. Jon asked if it was a tax free million that they had to split. Richard and Ronnie both said no. Gary asked if Richard would do it to meet Brad Pitt. Richard said maybe to that. He said maybe Ronnie can dress as Brad Pitt.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked where Ronnie and Richard's integrity is. He said he has to draw the line somewhere. Ronnie said they're team players. Richard said that he did lick Sal's balls and this isn't that much further.
Jon asked Richard where he draws the line. Richard said he'd have to do a few shots. He said he would also laugh with Ronnie's cock in his mouth when he came. Benjy asked if Richard would let his girlfriend blow Ronnie for a million. Richard said no. He said this isn't a sexual thing. Jon asked if he's serious. Richard said it's not for him. He said it might be for Ronnie since he's going to finish. Gary said you have to get into a rhythm to get him to finish.
Gary said he's thinking about Benjy's billion dollar proposal. He said he's thinking about where he'd move to so he could hide. He said he'd have a hard time with the whole thing when his kids bring him gifts and he has to think about how he got the money.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that Robin doesn't want guys knowing who she is and that's why she's keeping her dating a secret. Gary said he's not sure what's going on there. Benjy said he thinks that she's been dating guys. Ronnie said she ends up losing the guy after it comes out on the air. He said that might be why she's keeping it quiet. Gary said Robin is in a pretty good mood lately and maybe that's because she's not dating. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard Puzzled By Robin's Trip To Peru. 04/26/11. 6:00am
Howard started the show talking about watching Robin's tapes from Peru. He said he's really worried about her. He's serious about that too. He said he might have to do an intervention with her. Robin said she knew that was going to happen. Howard said the most disturbing thing was when she pulled over and let some homeless looking guy breathe on her and rub her with rocks giving her some kind of powers. He said she'd never do that in New York. Robin said she was trying to have an experience down there.
Howard said the interpreter down there was a nuisance. He said the guy was taking her to homeless people and interpreting what they're saying. He said Robin went down there to experience drugs and he did that in college. Howard said Seth Rogen is a big drug user and he talked about that Ayahuasca thing that Robin did. He played the clip for Robin from the last time he was on. Seth talked about how it's like the most powerful hallucinogenic on earth and he would never do it.
Howard said he thinks Robin is seriously depressed and she's going about it the wrong way to fix herself. He said he saw the tape of her in the room with the 5 mattresses on the floor. He said it's just not right. Howard said he used to take drugs in college like that.
Howard played some more music from Peru that Robin taped while she was there. Howard said he doesn't think anyone listens to what the other people are even playing down there. He played the clip from yesterday and some new clips they found. Howard and Robin laughed. Howard said it's a horrible country and you can judge a country by its music.
Howard said Robin is on some kind of mission and it's kind of like what he did in college. He said he basically put himself out of his mind. Howard said Robin had that Shamen helping her around and had that ''Master'' guy helping her out. Howard said he should take her to the deep south and have her do the same thing with those people. He said she could have died down there doing that stuff. Robin said Doug was worried about her and she said she was worried too.
Howard had some audio of Robin pulling off to the side of the road and letting this little guy using rocks on her and stuff. Robin laughed and said she finds his reaction to all of this very funny. She said this is a tradition of that country. Howard said it was disgusting to see him breathing on her like he was.
Howard played the clip and Robin was asking what this ceremony was. Howard said the ceremony is the guy taking her money. He said the interpreter is probably making stuff up to tell her. He said this guy is wrapping rocks up in newspaper and Robin sits there waiting for her ''experience.'' Howard said people are worried about Robin. He said they think she's seriously ill. Robin said people have been worried about her since she started working there.
Howard said he's wondering what she's going to do next. He told her to just relax. He told her she might want to go to therapy more than once a week too. He said he'd suggest 5 days a week. Robin said all she did was go down to see how people live in another part of the world. He said she needs to relax instead.
Howard played more of the audio of the interpreter telling Robin what this ceremony is called. The guy told the interpreter what it was and how he was going to give Robin new powers and new energies. Howard said poor Robin. He said she's so lost. He said people told him he should have done something for Artie. He's wondering what he should do for Robin.
Howard said this guy had Robin in the weeds and it looked like he was going to blow her. He said he was wrapping his garbage in newspaper and wrapping it like it was the Torah. Howard said they're all in on it and they're just scamming Robin. He said Robin was sitting up and this guy was blowing into her head and praying over her. Howard said the guy didn't have a power in his life and he's passing nothing on to Robin. Howard said if he had someone from New York City doing this to Robin she'd have him taken away.
Howard said this guy was breathing on Robin's head and he was knee deep in her dreadlocks. Howard played more of the audio and described what was going on. He said the guy was grabbing her tits and molesting her. Robin laughed some more.
Howard said he had a clip he hadn't heard yet where the guy describes what the rocks do. He says the rocks are energy. Howard said the guy probably pulled this guy over a few minutes before Robin got there and set this up.
Robin said she doesn't believe in any of this energy stuff. She was just going along with these traditional things they do. Howard said he feels bad for Robin. She's on some weird trip and he's worried about her. Robin said she's the same person she's always been.
Howard said Robin was laying in the weeds and it was in filthy Peru. He said people have to see the tape. He said maybe Robin needs to be a little paranoid. Robin said she didn't have one bite or insect incident down there.
Howard said he would smoke hash or drop mescaline when he was in college. Howard said that's what this is like. He said even Seth Rogen who is a big drug guy won't go through this Ayahuasca thing.
Howard asked Robin what the difference is between regular rocks or magic rocks. Robin said here is no difference. She said it's all about the ceremony.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's really depressed because his wife has Lupus and some other things. Howard said he could send him to Peru if he wants. Howard said people have reasons for being depressed. He said no one knows what other people's lives are like. He said you can't determine what will make someone sad or depressed. Robin said having a reaction to bad things happening to you isn't necessarily a depression.
Robin said that she's not depressed anymore. Howard said Robin is very euphoric when she gets into something. It doesn't last though. He said she gets into car racing or the green drink thing. Robin said the green drink is her life. Howard said ''We'll see...'' Howard asked if she feels good from the Ayahuasca. Robin said she feels good from what she learned down there. She said she learned about the suffering of people around the world. Howard said he did acid and almost lost his mind. He said he fears that Robin is doing the same thing.
Howard said Robin wants an answer and she's not going to find it in Peru in a jug. Robin said she didn't go there looking for answers. She went for a spiritual investigation. Howard said that's what he was doing in college.
Howard asked who recommended this to her. Robin said it was friends. Howard said he would never do something where he's going to vomit and shit his brains out. Howard said this stuff is insanity. Robin said this is stuff brewed from a plant at least. Howard said she's trying to have a childhood she didn't have. Robin said she's not trying to get out of her head. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said it sounds like a mid-life crisis.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that going to a foreign country and doing drugs is dangerous. He said that she could have been raped or something. The guy told Robin that you don't get anything spiritual from a drug. Robin said it wasn't a drug. It's from a plant. Howard said everything is made from plants. Fred and Howard tried to tell Robin that what she did was take drugs but she insisted it was just from a plant. Howard said her logic makes no sense. Robin said they're being very extreme with this. Howard said he thinks that he might have to avoid talking about this because Robin seems to be taking joy from this.
The caller said that they use this stuff Ayahuasca to get rid of worms from people because it makes you vomit and shit so much. Robin said she must be clean then.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thought she was insane when she talked to her horses. Howard said she was whispering to those horses. The caller said he thinks that Robin would be crying right now if she didn't laugh so much. Howard said the laugher is her crying.
Howard said Robin was Tweeting about this asking people to guess ''where's Robin.'' He said the whole thing was insane. Robin said the people were enjoying it. Howard said she doesn't know that they were enjoying it. Robin said she read the Tweets and they were enjoying it. Howard said the next place Robin is going to be is Bellvue.
Howard read some email about Robin and people were saying they have to get her in a straight jacket and things like that. Howard read through a bunch of those emails and one person said this is what happens when black people get too much money. Another person told him not to stop goofing on her for the next 4 years. Another said that she was at a Peruvian version of a crack house. Howard read one where a person talked about how insane she really is. They mentioned Ronnie in one of them so Howard talked about how nuts he sounded on the Wrap Up Show.
King Of All Blacks Loses His Mom. 04/26/11. 6:30am
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who was crying because he lost his mother this morning. He said she was in a nursing home and she had a couple of strokes. Howard asked what the best thing is about his mother. King said it was her wit. He said she had a wit that was real sharp. He said she was an angel. He said she'd do anything for anyone. Howard asked if he's going to get up and say a few words at the ceremony. He said he will. He said they have to set up the funeral homes today. He said he just saw her on Sunday.
Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He asked if he got her a good casket. King said he'll get her something nice in dark wood. Howard said he's sorry to hear that and he knows how attached to her he was.
King said that the Nick Di Paolo show was a horrible thing too. Howard said he heard it was good. King didn't like it. He told Howard to hug his mother today. Howard said he would if he could find her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is a great day. He said King is crying because he's not going to get anymore money. Howard said he'll probably inherit the money. The caller said this is the best new ever. He said he's a big baby crying over his mother. Howard said that's not cool.
King said the funny thing is that it's almost better if he had parents that weren't there for him. He said you don't feel bad when they die. Howard said you're just depressed your whole life and you'll take Ayahuasca.
Another caller asked what kind of casket he's going to bury her in. King said they did that already. She's going to have the best. Howard wished King the best and said he's sorry to hear the news. King said he's leaning on granite right now.
More Peru Trip Discussions. 04/26/11. 6:35am
Howard let King go and read through some more email about Robin. Howard said this evoked a lot of emotion. Robin said she's not affected by any of that. She doesn't care that people think she's crazy.
Howard asked Robin about her third trip and what she realized in that. He knows that in the first trip she saw the horror and then the colors in the second one and the Master yelled at her. Robin said that she realized that people impose the horror of the world on themselves in the third trip.
Howard said Robin needs help. She's not doing fine. Howard said she's depressed. Robin said she's not depressed anymore. She said she got rid of that anger and pain.
Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that the guy on the side of the road was rubbing cookies on Robin too. Howard described the scene and there were candies in there with cookies. He said the guy took whatever he had and wrapped it in a bag and then rubbed it on Robin. Doug said it was like he went to a bakery dumpster and rubbed it on her. Robin said that cost her $150 too. Howard said he'd rather go with the Braco guy than this. Robin said they don't understand the purpose of a ritual. It's not magic. Howard and the guys continued to goof on Robin about being such a sucker with this stuff.
Howard said this was crazy stuff. Robin said that there are many rituals like this in the world. She said people think it's okay when they do that. Howard said he doesn't. He thinks they're all nuts.
Howard said this is just as nuts as the Pope holding his smoking purse. He asked her why she would go and do this when she knows that the smoking purse thing is crazy. Robin said he wouldn't have known what this was unless she had gone on this trip.
Howard played some audio of people talking about that Braco guy who does the ''gazing'' with people. The people feel that they felt some kind of power when he did that with them in the room. Howard said the guy just stares at people. They claim that if you're open you'll get it. Howard said you're an idiot if you don't get it. He said he'd go there and just say he doesn't get it. Howard said the guy stares like he's a retard. He said he should put Wendy the Retard out there to do the same thing.
Howard said these people can barely speak after this Braco thing. He said that guy takes money from these poor people.
Howard said Robin is looking for an answer. Robin said there are no answers. She said that the Ayahuasca allowed her to find her own answer. Howard said that this Shamen is going to end up in his green room and he'll have to be nice to him. Howard said Robin had that person living in there with the green drinks for weeks. He said he wishes she had brought them back with her.
Howard asked Robin what she discovered down there. Robin said she got to release repressed emotions that first night there. Howard said she was farting and puking that night. Howard said he feels sorry for her. Robin said he should feel good for her. She said she feels sorry for Howard who is still carrying around all of that crap. Howard played some of the music that they played while she was down there. Howard said the guys Tweeted the picture of the crap the guy wrapped up and put on Robin.
Howard played more audio of the Braco guy and said he looks like that guy Scott Stapp. Howard said he had to take a break. He said they have Gilbert Gottfried coming in today. He said he wrote a book and he has some autobiographical stuff in the book and he mentions him in a very unflattering way. He said he might be done with Gilbert after today. He said he has a lot of questions about the book and the Aflac duck thing. He has to yell at him like he's yelling at Robin. They went to break after that.
Actor James Caan Calls In. 4/26/02. 7:55am
Howard was talking about how his plans with Carmen Electra seem to have been screwed up. Yesterday he planned on getting Carmen and a couple of other hot chicks together in his apartment hoping that they'd get topless and dance around. Those plans were shot down when Howard's girlfriend found out about it and John Stamos said that he wouldn't be able to make it with his wife Rebecca. Howard was singing his Doors song again today but it was a sad song instead of the upbeat songs he was singing to Carmen yesterday. While he was talking about that he said that actor James Caan would never screw something like that up. That led to him picking up the phone with James on it. Howard spent a couple of minutes describing to Caan what he was trying to do with Carmen. Then Howard heard the cries of a baby in the background. Caan told Howard that was one of his kids that he's taking care of. Howard then spent a little while talking to Caan about his many marriages and his parties at the Playboy Mansion.
Howard talked to Caan about Robert Blake for a short time also. Caan said he had spoken to Blake in the past and how he used to talk about how the moon was blue. Caan said that Blake was an ''odd fellow.''
Howard said the reason Mr. Caan was calling in was to promote this movie ''Night at the Golden Eagle'' which he appears in briefly. He said some friends of his put it together so he's helping them out with promotion.
Gary came in and asked Mr. Caan some questions about movies he's turned down over the years. Gary read that he'd turned down movies like:
After the call Howard killed some more time talking about some news stories. He brought up a story about how they want to send mice into space to see what happens when they reproduce. Howard said that's what people are going to want to get away from on Earth if they go to space, so why send mice to space?
Howard talked about Sally Jesse Raphael's final show and how he wasn't sad to see that crap go. She bad mouthed Howard on Charles Grodin's show one time so Howard's not a fan of hers.
6'1'' Amy, licks peanut butter off of Howard. 4-26-96.
This woman came in to eat Goobers out of Howard's belly button but ended up licking peanut butter off of his thighs. She's been in before and licked honey off of his thighs. Yesterday, Howard had an idea for this girl. He wanted her to lick peanut butter out of his arm pits! He changed his mind on that one since he has meetings with movie people today. He gave her a choice between eating Rasinettes out of his belly button, eating a banana from between his legs or licking the peanut butter. She chose to eat the Rasinettes first. They didn't have Goobers so they switched to Rasinettes. She ate them right up and even got a piece of belly hair in her mouth. After a commercial break, Howard had her get under the console and do some licking. She spent some time down there! The next thing you know, she's eating a banana from between his legs. This woman was even tested for a part in Howard's movie. If you'd like to meet Amy, just go to Hooters in Manassas Virginia and ask for her.
Howard's Ratings, Imus' Wife And More. 04/26/04. 6:00am
Howard started off talking about the big ratings they got in the New York Market. He also mentioned that Artie was out this morning because he's out in California in a meeting about a sitcom or something like that. Howard wondered why he'd be going to meetings like that. He must be thinking about leaving the show or something. Gary told Howard that he and Artie have spoken and Artie won't do a sitcom unless they shoot it in New York so he can do both shows.
Howard got back to the ratings and talked about how his ratings have jumped since all of the FCC and Clear Channel stuff has started. He said people had to tune in to find out if they were still on the air. He still thinks he'll be gone before too long. He went on to talk about how funny it is that the number one show in New York City is being attacked and could be taken off the air. He said it's obvious that the ''community'' hates the show. Why else would everyone tune in and listen.
Howard was reading a story about Don Imus' wife and how she's writing a cook book. He mentioned that Imus' ratings have been really low for a long time but they dropped even more in the latest ratings book. He said he's got about a 1/3 of the ratings that his show has. He went on to talk about how Imus' girlfriend met Imus when he had a contest to find a girlfriend and Imus never did stuff like that until he heard his show and got some ideas for what to do. Howard read the article he had about Imus' wife and she bad mouth's Howard in it. She talks about how she met Imus and what her life was like before she met him. It turns out her agent was the one who booked her on Imus' show. They talk about the wife's book ''The Imus Ranch : Cooking for Kids and Cowboys'' and what's included in that. Deirdre says that Howard sounds like an idiot when he talks about the Imus ranch. Howard seems to think it's one of the biggest scams going because Imus has his listeners paying for it.
A listener called in and did an impression of Imus and goofed on him for a little while. He talked about how awful Imus' show is and how there's nothing funny about it at all.
Howard said that David Lee Roth would be in later... and Cabbie is in all week trying out for Stuttering John's job. Robin seemed to think that no work would be getting done at all this week if he's in there trying out for the job. She said that Gary was already stuck in his office listening to Cabbie talking to him first thing in the morning. Howard had to take his first break after that.
''Wild Boyz'' Steve O And Chris Pontius Come In. 04/26/04. 8:00am
Steve O and Chris Pontius came in to talk to Howard for a little while. Howard was pronouncing Pontius the wrong way so Steve had to correct him. Howard thought he had made up the name but it turns out it's a real name. Steve told Howard that Pontius was one of the original ''Jackass'' guys. Howard had no clue for some reason.
Howard had Kristin the intern come in because she's obsessed with Steve O. She told him that she's been obsessed with him since the Jackass days. She said his appeal is that he's all dirty and nasty to her. Gary came in and told Howard that Kristin told him on her first day that she had to meet Steve O if he ever came on the show. Gary said she basically said that she would have sex with him if she had the chance. She also said she'd probably hook up with Pontius as well. Pontius said that wouldn't be the first girl they've shared. Steve said that it actually saves a phone call to a friend if you share a chick. The guys said that the chicks are into it when they both get them.
Steve O told Howard that their show ''Wild Boyz'' last night was their India show and it was pretty amazing. Howard was hearing all of the stuff they've done and asked Kristin if she knew what she was getting involved in. She still seemed to be into the whole thing and was ready to go out with them. Steve was saying that he'd love to get Robin to go out with him. Robin said she wouldn't be dumb enough to go out with them alone. She knows better.
Howard asked the guys what they've been up to lately. They have a new show that's similar to the ''Jackass'' show called ''Wild Boyz'' and they did it without Johnny Knoxville. Pontius told Howard that Knoxville went along with them to Indonesia to shoot some shows with them there. The guys aren't sure if they'll make a ''Wild Boyz'' movie. There hasn't been any talk of that according to Steve O. Howard told them he hopes they're getting paid well now for what they put themselves through. Steve said that they're getting close to 30 years old and they do beat the crap out of themselves.
Steve told Howard that these days when they get bitten by animals they pour tattoo ink into the wounds so they can see them forever. They showed Howard the many wounds that Pontius has on his body from a python biting him. Howard went on to ask Pontius how he grew up and got involved in the wacky stunt thing. That led to them talking about Steve O stapling his balls and how crazy that is. A minute later Steve O pulled out a bottle of alcohol and lit himself on fire. Howard told him not to do it but he didn't stop.
Robin explained to Howard what he tried to do and how he poured lighter fluid in his mouth, flicked a Bic and blew the flame. Then he rolled in it. Pontius wondered where Howard's crack security team was while they were doing that.
Howard read what the guys have been doing on their show lately. In last night's show they licked some old guy's foot, rode down a street on a bed of nails and had an elephant pee all over them. Steve said he sat there and just waited for the pee to dump down on him. Pontius said they just had to blow on the elephant's wiener to make it pee.
Howard got a letter from a guy who was at one of the shows that Steve O did. Steve ended up getting pissed at the guy and eventually ran out the back door to his bus after the guy wanted to fight him. The guy who wrote the letter was on the phone so he told Howard what happened. The guy told Howard that he was in the VIP area and was trying to hit on Steve's girl. Steve got pissed but he says he doesn't remember that stuff because he gets so drunk. The caller said that it would have been lights OUT for Steve if he'd actually fought him.
Gary told Howard that Steve O does the stapling of his balls thing in every show he does. He has done about 28 shows in the last 45 days or something like that and has stapled his balls almost every time. The guys told Howard that they sometimes have audience members come up and have the stapling done instead though.
Comedian Shuli called in and said that their show ''Wild Boyz'' is like a real life Beavis and Butt-Head and it's great. He told Howard that they include everyone on the crew in their jokes. No one is safe around them.
Steve said he heard that this could be his last appearance on his show because of the FCC stuff going on. He just wanted Howard to know that he's a big fan and would miss them if he could never come back. Howard told Steve that it may be the last few weeks of the show but if he does get taken off the air, they will make him more powerful than he's ever been before. He invites the FCC's Michael Powell to take him off the air already.
Howard heard that Steve O and Pontius got a couple of guys fired up in Canada recently. They didn't have a delay on the show and Pontius ended up cursing a few times and the guys ended up getting fired over the whole thing.
Steve O and Pontius thanked Johnny Knoxville for going out and promoting ''Wild Boyz'' when he was supposed to be promoting ''Walking Tall'' on a bunch of shows. Howard thanked the guys for coming in and then wrapped up the interview.
In the clip Howard had a bunch of guys in the studio with him. He introduced them and said he was the star. He said this was their last show. They talked about a couple of things and then Howard asked Bruce to be funny. Howard said they had some interesting callers over the semester. They talked about some of those calls.
Howard tried taking a call but the phone was causing feedback. They eventually took the call and goofed around with the guy for a short time.
The guys played a commercial parody for Bob's Berzerko Lounge. Howard came back and had the guys sing their King Schmaltz song after that.
Howard talked to the guys about how they feel about the end of the semester. They really didn't have anything to say.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he feels about Watergate. That led to one of the guys doing his Nixon impression. Howard had a conversation with Nixon for a few minutes. The guys did some other impressions with the Nixon impression. There was a George Jessel impression in there too.
Howard said he wasn't getting any phone calls and that was kind of distressing. He finally got one and the caller asked for about 10 minutes of dead air. It was one of the guys in the studio calling in.
Howard took a real call from a woman who asked if they could give her a recipe for Schmaltz on the rocks. Howard said he might have someone who can help. Howard called in a rabbi to explain what schmaltz is. One of the guys did his Rabbi voice and told her how to make her drink. They spent a few more minutes talking to her before ending the segment.
They played some show audio from that convention when Fred the Elephant Boy went up to introduce Howard Stern. Elephant Boy said a few words. He was going on and on reading his script. Howard told Gary to get him off the stage because he was going on too long. Howard said that was a disaster. Then Kenneth Keith Kallenbach got up and seconded the nomination of Howard Stern. Kenneth said he knows Howard would be a good governor. Then he said he drove up from Philadelphia and said he wanted a turkey sandwich but didn't get one. He said people think he's a wacko but ''I'm no wacko.'' Ken said a few more words and then started to pull a dildo out and asked who wanted to see his dildo. Howard told Gary to get him out of there when that happened. Howard said he was so embarrassed by that. He wanted to get out of there or hide under a table. Howard said he thinks the dildo line got everyone crazy.
They played another show clip where Howard had to get up on stage to debate the other candidate. Howard didn't know they were going to be doing that. Howard made his way up on stage and they were having problems getting things to run smoothly.
We heard another show clip where Howard went up on stage for his debate with his opponent. Howard said a few words about what Joe Brennan had said about not supporting him even after he had urged him to run under their ticket. Howard said he was serious about this and he wasn't just up there to jerk off. He told the crowd why he was there and how serious he was about running. Howard said he thinks that Stan is a good running mate and they will see that when he gets up there and speaks. Howard spent a few minutes speaking about why he was qualified for this and why he was running with the Libertarian party. There were some issues with Dwarkin and the fact that he wasn't a Libertarian when he showed up there. They were saying that they were going to hold the vote until the next day.
Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 04/26/07. 7:55am
After the break Howard had the kids come into the studio. He said they were going to play ''Daddy or Dummy'' after Lisa G gave her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa gave a quick rundown of what they had coming up. Lisa said that they'll be talking about the Howard TV van that was shut down yesterday. They had a bunch of Wack Packers on the van so Shuli will have a report about that.
Lisa also said that Monday Night they have The Miserable Men show returning to the air. Rev. Bob Levy, Jim Florentine and Shuli are all coming back and they're trying to book Mr. X for the show. Lisa said they have a new Page 69 report about how Sal and Richard are willing to go to lunch with fans as long as the fans pick up the bill. That was it for Lisa so Howard got into this kid game they had.
The Daddy Or Dummy Game With Staff Kids. 04/26/07. 8:00am
Howard said he bet that he could make them laugh and had Fred play some fart sound effects. Some of the kids started laughing but Jon Hein's daughters weren't laughing. Howard said it looked like Antonio, Lucas and Jackson were all enjoying the farts but Jon Hein's daughters weren't into it.
Howard introduced Jon's daughters Rachel who is 12, and Emily who is 9 years old. He talked to them about their father for a minute. He read some details about the girls and thanked them for sending him an engagement card. Howard said he likes home made cards so he really appreciated that.
Howard moved on to Jackson and Lucas Dell'Abate and talked to them for a short time. Jackson is 12 and Lucas is 9. Howard talked to Jackson about playing football and being popular in school. Lucas said that Jackson really isn't that popular.
Howard talked to Sal's son Antonio who is 7 years old and in second grade. He asked Antonio about his father breaking his wrist. Antonio thought it was pretty silly how he broke it. Jackson said he loves watching that video on YouTube all day long. Howard asked Antonio if he wanted to be a comedian like his father. Antonio said he was working on some jokes but didn't have any today.
Howard moved on to the game and said he as going to ask the kids some questions while their parents were out of the room. He said they even have some cash prizes for the kids. Howard asked Jon's kids if they had been told to marry for wealth and not for money. They said he hasn't told them that yet. Howard said that the prizes are courtesy of Beeceuticles and you can find out more about that at HealthFromTheHive.com.
Howard had the parents leave the room and then asked the kids the questions. The first one was for the Hein girls. He asked them what their father's favorite show was. The girls said it was the Thursday night shows on NBC. Howard wanted them to pick one show so they picked ''The Office.'' Howard then asked the Dell'Abate kids what their dad's favorite TV show was. They said that it was probably ''E.R.'' Antonio said his father's was probably ''American Idol.''
The second question was ''What is your dad's grossest habit?'' and went to Gary's kids first. The boys said that it was probably ''farting'' which they can hear coming from upstairs while they're downstairs eating. The boys said that the farts are pretty smelly too. Howard asked Antonio the same and he agreed with the other boys and said his father's are the same. One of the Hein girls said that Jon picks her nose in public. She said that he shows it to her too.
The next question was ''What is the last thing your parents fought about?'' Antonio was up first so he said that it was a fight about going on vacation to Florida. He said his mom didn't want to go but Sal did. They all had a big fight about it. He said there wasn't a lot of yelling and screaming but people were angry. Howard went to the Hein girls and asked them the same. One of the girls said that their dad went to get food and didn't answer his phone while their mom was saving a table at Universal Studios. They had to wait until they came back to go get their food so they had to wait forever. Howard asked Gary's kids the same thing. The boys said that their parents fought about picking up the dog poop in the yard.
Howard asked ''What is the most annoying thing about your dad?'' and went to the Hein girls. The girls said that was tough. They said that there are two things, one is when he doesn't let them vote on American Idol. The second thing was when their father went crazy when his blood sugar level got low. He once threw a hanger to the floor when he got upset. They went with the American Idol calling thing as the most annoying. Howard went to Gary's kids and they said that was a hard one. Robin asked if it's the way he makes them spell their last name. One of the boys said that his father makes him get all dressed up warm in the winter in this Michelin Man-like jacket that he hates to wear.
Howard asked Antonio what his father tells him he does for a living. He said he works for Howard and does jokes and stuff. Artie asked Antonio if his father has ever mentioned Howard's religion. He said he hasn't said anything to him. He also said that he heard his father talking about Howard and he was saying that he was the second greatest person in the world. Antonio said that his dad told him he's the first greatest. Antonio said that the most annoying thing his father does is nag him to do things.
Howard asked the next question which was ''What's the last thing your dad yelled at you about?'' The Hein girls said that they got yelled at about asking for the heat to be put on in the car on the way there this morning. They said that he was hot and sweating while they were cold. Gary's kids said that he had yelled at them for staying up too late last night. Lucas said that wasn't it, he didn't yell at them about that. He said he got yelled at for talking about how he hated going to football. Howard found that hard to believe. He said he would never force a kid to play football and told him things could be great if he was his father. Antonio said that his father yelled at him about some balloon thing and a birthday party.
Howard asked Lucas and Jackson if their father ever complains about anyone on the show. None of the kids ever heard anything like that. He asked the kids if they had any idea what kind of money their father's make. They didn't have any idea and guessed $100 and $500.
Howard had the Dads come back in and went right to Jon Hein asking him what his favorite TV show was. Jon said it was probably ''Lost'' but he was wrong. Gary said that they all watch ''Survivor'' together so it must be that. He was wrong as well. Sal said he thinks he said ''Drake and Josh'' which is something they watch together.
Howard went to the second question and asked what their grossest habit was. Jon knew that it was the cleaning the nose thing. He said that Emily had one right then and he wanted to clean it out. He said it drives him nuts and he knows it's gross... but he had to do it. Gary said he does that for Lucas but he closes the door when he does it. Gary said that he was going with the fart answer for this question and got it right as well. Sal said he was going to do the same and go with farting so he got it right as well.
Howard went to the next question and asked the guys ''What's the last thing your parents fought about?'' Jon said that it was probably what time the girls had to go to bed. He was wrong. Jon had forgotten about that fight that the girls mentioned. Gary said that it was probably a fight about him not doing something so he thought about that for a short time. He said that it was probably him not walking the dog or paying enough attention to the dog. The guys gave him the points for that one because he was close enough. Howard went to Sal and asked him the same. Sal said the question should be when they ''didn't fight. Sal said he'd have to say was probably over him farting at the table. He was wrong. Artie asked if they could play ''My wife'' for Antonio. That wasn't happening but Sal said his son wrote it for him.
Howard went to the next question which was about the most annoying thing about them. Gary said it must be making them go to bed early. He got that wrong. Sal said he thinks that it's that he's on the computer too much and got that wrong. Jon said it was probably taking the knots out of their hair so he was wrong. He almost went with the American Idol thing and would have had it right.
Howard went to the final question and asked the guys ''What is the last thing your dad yelled at you about?'' Sal said he just yelled at his son about taking his iPod. He was wrong. Jon said he rarely yells at them but he yelled at them in the car for being too loud. Howard said it was about the heat in the car but he gave it to him anyway. Gary was up and said that it was probably for not going to bed on time. He got it right so the Dell'Abate boys won with 40 points. Howard had $500 cash to split up between all 3 teams so he was going to give the winners $200 to the winners and $150 for the second and third place winners.
Howard asked Antonio what he's going to do with the money. He's saving it up for a drum set. The Dell'Abate kids said that they were going to buy a PSP (Playstation Portable). The girls were going to use their money for a PSP or something else. Artie said that his DVD is available on the PSP. The girls said that they wanted a TV in the room but Jon said that's not happening. They can buy a TV but it's not going into their room. Emily said that her daddy was very mean. Artie said that their childhood had just Jumped the Shark. Jon said that they both have computers in their rooms but they are aware that he knows exactly what's going on with each one. Gary said he also told his kids that he's been watching what they do on the computer. Howard told the boys that he made their father tell them that he was spying on them. He said he's a good guy and does that kind of stuff for them.
Howard had the kids repeating after him saying ''Cash is king'' and that ''We all hate Jay Leno.'' Robin said that he can't have them saying they hate anyone. Howard told them to say ''Scott DePace is bald'' and ''Scott Salem is bald.'' Artie tried to have the Dell'Abate kids say ''The Mets are gay!'' They did it but then one of the kids said that he was gay. The kids are actually big Mets fans. Artie said ''Welcome to a life of disappointment'' to the kids. Jackson said he was about to start swinging after hearing that. Howard thanked the kids
Sal was feeding Antonio some lines and had him asking Robin to show her boobs and then told Howard ''Shut up Jew.'' Sal said his son is a boy so he can talk about boobs like that. He didn't explain the Jew comment though. Howard went to break a short time later.
The boys then performed ''Platypus'' from their previous album Nimrod. When the song was done Trey, the drummer, rolled over his drum set, wandered around the studio aimlessly and then the whole band just left the studio.
In the clip Howard took a call from Joe Walsh and Rick the Bass Player. Howard talked about how Gary went to see them perform the other night. Gary told Howard some of the details and then Joe said that they thought that Hall and Oates were there when they saw Gary there.
Howard said there's nothing wrong with Joe liking young girls. He said that he has that part of Rock Stardom down. Howard said Gary told him about going to see Joe and Rick hanging out upstairs and how these young girls made it up to the room too. Gary said he had to make a phone call and the girls made it up there while he was doing that. Howard said Rick and Joe are fun guys and they are perfect for the girls. Rick said Howard is right for once.
Howard said if he was a fun girl he'd want to have fun with those guys. He said they can do neat things with them. Joe said that Les Paul showed up at the show. He said that was an honor and a privilege. Joe said he'd be working in a gas station if it wasn't for Les. Joe said Les asked what was up with this ''Stern guy'' and said that he gets him mad but he can't stop listening. Joe said he told Les that he had just said it all. Howard said we all have to tip our hats to Les Paul.
Howard asked to talk to some of the girls. Joe said he knew this was coming. Howard asked how many he has up there. Joe said they have 4. Two were asleep. They put one of the girls on the line. Howard asked how old she is. She said that she's 12.
Howard said the guys aren't that slick. He said he had Victoria Jackson in there and she was making out with him. The guys asked Howard what happened to his TV show. Howard said they have a new one tomorrow night. Joe said they'd like to be on his TV show. Howard said he'd love that. Howard told them to bring the four girls.
Howard asked to hear the girls on the phone. Joe said he has to say please. Howard did that. Joe put one of the girls on the line. She said she was 22 and then Joe cut her off and put another one on. Joe wasn't letting them say too much. Howard would ask a question or two and Joe would cut them off. The next girl said she was 15. Joe cut her off. Then Joe did a girl's voice and Howard said he sounds cute as a girl. Joe said he was trying to make him think they had 5 in there. Howard said guitar lessons are going to go up when kids hear this show.
Howard said he was really getting crazy at the end of the game he played yesterday. He said he could have won if he had stuck to his strategy.
Howard asked Gary to go to the hotel and find out what the girls look like. Gary headed over so he could report from the hotel room.
After an edited out break Howard came back and got Gary on the phone. Gary was in the suite with Joe, Rick and the girls. Gary said he knocked on the door and a very attractive girl in a t-shirt, and nothing else, answered the door. Gary said that one of the girls was the one he met the night before.
Joe was messing around with his voice synthesizer and talking to Howard in a deep voice. Gary said they have a mini cassette recorder and a lot of other stuff set up in the room. Howard asked if it's just Joe and Rick and the girls. Joe said it's like Times Square in there.
Howard asked Joe to hang up. He wanted to just talk to Gary. Gary got back on and said they have a suite and there are a couple of girls in there. Gary kept trying to talk and the guys kept interrupting.
Gary said that Joe was wearing a pair of pants with his fly open. He didn't have a shirt or shoes on. Rick was in a bathrobe. Howard said that's some party over there. Howard said everyone can eat their friggin heart out.
Gary called one of the girls over so he could interview her. Her name was Danielle. Howard asked how she met Joe and Rick. She said they met at some club. She said they keep in touch and they hang out with their friends when they come to town. Howard asked her a few questions about why she hangs with them. She said they're more fun than the kids she goes to school with.
Gary told Howard about another one of the girls there. Gary said she didn't appear to be wearing panties. Gary asked her to lift her shirt up a second. She did that and Gary said she wasn't wearing any underwear. Gary got her to come over to talk to Howard. Howard was ready to bail but he spent a minute talking to her. Howard asked if she slept with Joe. She asked how much he'll pay her to find out. Rick got on the phone again and started talking so Howard told him to go have fun. Howard let him go and said he had to take a break.
After the edited out break Howard came back and said that he wanted to go up to Joe's room but no one knows how to use the equipment. Howard said he had to run back and show them how to set it up. Howard said he has to teach Fred how to work it.
Howard wanted to get back into the room so he told Fred to handle the board. Howard told Fred what to hit when he gets up there. Howard tried heading over again but he had Gary on the phone again. He told Gary to get back there.
Howard said Gary is a dope. Howard headed out again and got up to the room but no one could hear what he was saying. He was on the phone but the audio wasn't coming over the air completely. Robin said there's another button Fred has to push. Robin was trying to talk to him but it wasn't working. Howard came back in and said that it wasn't working. He said it sounded like he was in the room but he wasn't really there. He was just faking it. Howard said he could barely hear Robin. He said that was their bit for the morning.
After another edited out break Gary told Howard that he almost quit. He said that was a lot of fun over there. He said that the girls were really cute. He said there were four up there. He said two had their clothes on and two had just t-shirts on. Gary said one of the girls bent over to turn up the volume on the radio and it looked like she didn't have any panties on.
Gary said when he left he heard screaming on the street. He said they were all hanging out the window yelling. Howard said they were like 21-23 year old girls. Gary said Rick was in a bathrobe and hanging out like he was Carey Grant.
Howard said that life is just marvelous. He said that they don't even know it's a week night. They spent a few minutes going over what they were doing up in that room.
Howard Checks Out Some Boobs And Asses. 04/26/04. 10:15am
During the news a bunch of chicks showed up at the station to show off their boobs. Howard let them come in quickly to check them out. One woman had her boobs hanging out of her shirt so Howard talked to her a little bit about the fake boobs. The woman who was speaking for the rest of the girls said that they hate that Howard isn't on down in Florida where they live. She was saying that there's nothing to listen to down there. Howard was trying to check out one of the woman's breasts but the talkative one interrupted him.
Howard checked out the ass of the talkative woman. She wasn't wearing any underwear but Howard told her she had a lot of beef on there. He also told her that she needs to lose about 20 pounds after she asked him if she was good looking. He told her that her hair was from the 80's as well. Gary said that her legs are skinny but the rest of her body isn't. Howard checked her out again and said that she really needs to lose 30 pounds. He told her she's got a pretty face but she's got a double chin going and her belly is big.
Howard asked the chubby one to get on the scale in the studio but she didn't want to do it. Howard then told her she had to bend over and let them throw dunkin donuts munchkins at her naked ass. She did it and let the guys throw the things at her. Howard and Gary were throwing a bunch of the things at her until she said that it was enough. He then told her that she'd be smokin hot if she just lost 20-25 pounds.
Howard asked the girls if they would kiss each other for them. They said they would and that they're not lesbians. They then made out for a few seconds. The delay was hit for some reason. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to the girls about what they're up to and why the other two girls in the back of the room weren't talking. The chubby chick filled him in on what they were up to.
The girls all wanted Howard to sign their asses and boobs but Howard wanted to spank one of them while he played one of the new Prince songs. She went right over and let him spank her for a short time. Howard then signed some of the girls asses. He spanked another one of the women and pointed out that she had some hair and freckles on her ass.
Howard continued to talk to the girls but the delay was hit on him multiple times for some reason. He wrapped up with the girls. One of them asked if they should buy XM radio yet. Howard told her not to bother with that at this point. He let them go a minute later and said that they were some ''big, hefty chicks'' who were raised on beef. He said you could pull a plow with one of the chicks. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Gary Garver Interviews. 4/26/02. 7:30am
Howard played tape of his L.A. interviewer Gary Garver interviewing Jaime Presley and Matthew Perry. Garver asked Jaime a bunch of questions related to some comments she made about Howard the last time she was on the show. She'd made a comment about how Howard was ''slapped a yarmulke'' when he was born. Garver asked her if she thinks Steven Spielberg was also ''slapped a yarmulke.'' Jaime said she's not anti-Semitic and she was just going down to Howard's level when she was on the show that time. Howard said he thinks she looks kind of like a duck so Garver asked her ''Do you think you were slapped a duck when you were born?'' which didn't go over that well. She quickly ended the interview and ran off.
Garver also interviewed ''Friends'' star Matthew Perry. He just asked him questions about being gay. Perry played along with them for a few seconds and even joked that he was attracted to Garver. When Garver asked Perry how often he has gay sex, that's when Perry ended the interview and ran off.
Howard spent a short time talking about how TLC singer Lisa ''Left Eye'' Lopes just died down in Honduras. She was apparently involved in a car accident and died. Howard said she was ''the hot one'' in the group. He played a few clips of TLC's more popular songs.
Howard also read some e-mail and talked about a couple of news stories before James Caan called in.
In the clip Robin read about Linda Lovelace and that led to Howard talking about how he got a letter from her daughter. Howard read the letter he got and the daughter told him about her car accident and how badly she was injured. Robin said she was on her way to dialysis. Howard read about how she had to go through 12 hours of surgery. She had a lot of problems due to the accident. The daughter said she has had a lot of media issues since the accident and she appreciates what Howard has said about her.
Howard said he had Linda on the show and he wasn't negative with her. He said he felt bad for her. He got sidetracked when he felt warm in the studio for the first time that day. Howard asked Scott why he doesn't respond to him when he asks for the temperature to be changed. Howard said he really doesn't like Scott.
Scott came in and said he kept bringing it up all morning. He said it's 80 degrees in there now. Howard said where he sits the air blows on him. He said he wants to be warm. Scott looked at him and Howard said he's looking at him like it's a bit or something. He said Scott is evil.
Wrap Up Preview And Robin's News. 04/26/11. 9:35am
Robin read that Phoebe Snow died this morning. Howard said he heard she was in bad shape. He said she was lost without her daughter. Howard said he saw her at a concert a while back and she didn't know what to do with herself. Howard said they went out to dinner with his wife and had some good times. Howard said she even sang at his wedding. Then she had this stroke that was a major stroke. Robin said they say it was in January of 2010. Howard said she was basically gone by then. He said they love her and miss her already. Robin said she sang at many of their birthday shows. Howard said the most inspirational thing was how devoted she was to her kid who was severely retarded. Howard said there was some mishap there and she was very devoted to her. He said he thinks that she loved that child more than any person has ever loved a child. She raised that kid all by herself. Howard said he thanks Phoebe for all of her appearances on the show. He said he enjoyed them all.
In the clip Robin read reading about how Macaulay had to call the cops on his dad. The story said they got into a heated argument about Macaulay not cleaning his room and his dad allegedly hit him so Macaulay called the cops. The father, Kit, said that he did admit to hitting him. Howard talked about how the kid must have reacted to his dad doing that. He said he's the star of Home Alone so he can't hit him. Howard said if anyone is going to do the hitting it's going to be Macaulay.
Robin said that there are stories about Macaulay doing a lot of things and freaking his parents out. They said that he spray painted in the house and he held beer parties. Robin said Macaulay and his brother have miserable report cards too. Howard said the kid is rich, he doesn't need good grades.
In the clip Robin read about a guy who ran into the back of a bus and died. She said the odd thing is that his pants were down around his ankles when it happened. Howard said that's what Jackie does. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said Jackie told him that he has done it. He said you don't do it with your pants down all the way though. Howard said guys are dangerous. Robin said this guy drove into the back of a bus. Howard said that must be what happened to Harry Chapin.
Robin said sometimes people do get their clothes knocked off. Howard said this guy had to have been doing something. Robin said she was thinking maybe his pants got knocked down. Howard said maybe he thought about having sex one last time. Howard asked if Merv was in the car with him. Robin said he was alone according to the report.
Howard said he rubs up against pieces of wood. He said that's what it's like being a guy. He said guys shouldn't be allowed to drive cars. He said guys will rub themselves on anything. He said it's unreal. That's why guys are so woman crazy. He said that's how we keep this world populated. Howard told Jackie maybe the guy was trying to throw his urine out the window.
In the clip Robin was reading some news and read about a guy in another country who was charged with making a young boy's penis disappear. Robin said this guy offered the boy a drink and then started molesting the boy until his genitals disappeared. Robin said the boy told his friends what had happened and the father eventually found out what had gone on. They did an investigation and they ended up going after the molester. A crowd demanded that he return the boy's genitals but he refused. Robin read about how a woman came out to try and help and she tried to get the boy's genitals to reappear. Howard said this whole thing sounds odd. Robin said the woman brought the boy's genitals back but they still went after the guy who made them disappear.
In the clip Robin was reading about a new home AIDS test. She told Howard about what the test would involve. Part of it was sending blood through the mail. Howard didn't like the sounds of that. Howard said people will send anything through the mail. Howard asked if you can send your dog's bowel movement in the mail.
Howard told Robin about how he had pinworms when he was a kid. He said his mom told him to go to the bathroom in this box like a dog. He said this is really embarrassing. He said he was so young he doesn't remember how he did it exactly. He said he may have went while it was on the floor. Howard said he didn't have to fish it out of the bowl. Howard said he thinks his mom watched when he did it too. He said she was very involved with that area on him. He said she gave him rectal thermometers. He said that he has a 3 year old daughter that he won't do that to. He said he'll help if she needs help wiping but that's about it.
Howard said he's not sure how he got the pinworms but it must have been from crawling around in the grass. Howard said he got some medication and got rid of them. Robin asked if he has them now. Howard said he's not scratching his ass so of course not. Robin got back to her news and Howard asked how she could do that after hearing that story.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:30am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.