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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about a studio makeover that they did over the weekend. Robin said she almost walked out not recognizing the studio. She asked who was responsible for it. Scott DePace said it was a set designer by the name of James Yates. He's done some other stuff for NBC and CNBC and some others according to Scott.
Howard and Robin talked about some of the changes in there. Howard said they have a staging area and they have some storage that hasn't been done yet. Scott said they'll do that next year. They had a new couch that Howard said they got from a brothel. Howard said they have new colors like blue, purple and red but they work together. Howard said you wouldn't think they would but they do.
Howard said they have Benjy wrapped in his name. He said that Benjy was actually walking around the streets and saw a reporter and went into his retarded character ''Benjy.'' Howard said Benjy looked the part with his bicycle helmet on. He said he went up to the reporter and said he wanted to be his friend. The reporter's name is Leon or something and he works for CBS. Howard said Benjy wanted to be his friend and he asked him to be his friend on Facebook. Howard said the guy was being nice and said he would. Then Benjy asked him to be his ''real friend'' and started crying. Howard said Benjy was blubbering but he didn't have any real tears. Howard said the reporter was being really nice and Benjy kept going on and on trying to be part of his family. He said the reporter was really nice and let him keep asking.
Howard said Benjy got a picture with Kelsey Grammer acting retarded too. Benjy said that was a while ago and he wasn't trying to act retarded. He just thinks Kelsey thought he was retarded.
Howard asked to speak to the retarded Benjy. Benjy went into his character and Howard tried asking him some questions. Benjy told Howard that was his severely retarded character. Howard said he's seen varying degrees of retarded with Benjy.
Howard said he had a Benjy prank call to play but he wasn't sure he wanted to get into it. Gary came in and told Howard that Benjy started this about 13 years ago. He got into a documentary as a retarded person like 13 years ago and they show it on PBS once in a while. Howard said he's sure they'll use some of this Benjy stuff on Howard TV at some point.
Howard played some of Benjy's prank call but he cut it off saying it was too long and he didn't want to get into it. Howard explained what it was anyway. Benjy helped explain it so Howard eventually said he should play it. Howard said this is the call Benjy spent like 6 months editing. Howard said the recording was shitty and it just went on and on. Howard said this needed too much of a set up. He said that's why he didn't want to play it. Howard said he should have just put the retarded person on and not explain it in so much detail. He let more of the call play. Benjy's retarded character gets on the phone with the woman and says ''I ate my brother'' over and over again. Howard said that this woman is calling about a really great apartment and this is what she'd have to deal with to live there.
Howard said that was Benjy's opus. Howard said it was a 12-15 minute call of him saying that he ate his brother. Howard said he didn't want Sal and Richard editing it after he spent months on it. Gary said Benjy came to him after Sal and Richard got it. He was outraged by their edit. Gary said it was 6 minutes long and they edited it down to a minute and a half and Benjy was bummed they cut so much of it out. Benjy said they played it on Superfan Roundtable. Howard said he's never heard the full 12 minutes. Only Benjy has heard it. Howard said he can't believe that woman hung in there for the full 12 minutes.
Howard said they're still looking for entrants for the World's Biggest Whore contest. You fan find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard asked how you get sucked into saying dumb things. He said they don't get people to say things. They just fell comfortable in there and they will speak openly about the way they feel. Howard said he must be a brilliant guy if he's making people say things they don't want to say. Howard said maybe he's satan. The other interviewers in that clip were defending Howard.
Howard said the other guy in the movie is Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Howard said it was a great movie. He said that Seth and his friend wrote it after a friend got cancer for real. Howard said he thought he was going to hate the movie. He said he was ready to walk out if he had to. He said they sometimes stay too long in movies like that but this one was worth watching.
Howard said he saw a karate movie the other night and it was really bad but he stuck with it. Howard said he also watched ''The X-Factor'' the other night. He said the ratings weren't great.
Howard said the show is a compete rip off of American Idol and he got annoyed by that at first. He said he stuck with it and after the 4 hours he was thinking it was bad for American Idol. He said the show became more relevant to him as a talent contest than American Idol. Robin said that's the way she felt too. She said American Idol is more of a reality show. She said that it's not the best singers that make the grade.
Howard said this guy L.A. Reid is a real music guy and he has picked real talent. He said that he's in the Randy role on that show and he has a real opinion.
Howard and Robin talked about one guy on the show who shoed his penis to the judges and Paula made like she was going to throw up. Howard said it was like she's never seen any penises.
Howard said the show was actually pretty good and he thinks that they were finding some talent. Howard said he felt like an asshole watching it for 4 hours.
Jon Hein came in and told Howard that the show did okay in the first 30 minutes. He said it didn't destroy like they were hoping it would. Howard said it could grow though. Jon said that people might be burnt out on these type of shows.
Robin said she was annoyed that they didn't get an American announcer. Howard said it's basically an American show but they have two Brits on it. He said that was kind of annoying.
Jon Hein said he wasn't able to stick with it for the two nights. He said he did watch some of it though. Howard said the show is really American Idol. Jon said that the auditions being in front of a live crowd make it different. Howard said he had to sue over a show that was close to something they did on the show and he was told to never try suing because you never win. Howard said you can't own an idea for some reason.
Robin said if something hits you get 50 clones. Howard said he invented ''Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' and they did it on the E! show. He said he went to a lawyer and asked if he could sue because the show had generated billions. Howard said he was told not to sue because he couldn't win even though he did invent it. Howard said there are weird laws with that stuff and it doesn't make sense.
Howard said he did enjoy The X-Factor and enjoyed it more than American Idol. Howard said J-Lo is so bad at judging that you get the feeling there is no judging going on. He said that they all only have nice things to say on that show.
Jon asked what Howard thought of the girl they bounced from the show. Howard said he thinks they bumped her because she wasn't good looking enough. Howard said he liked the show. He said he was interested in seeing it.
Howard said he's not sure how many of these shows they can have. Robin said there are a lot of them on the air. Howard said he likes seeing the format. He likes seeing people sing and competing for it. Howard said he'd like to see a show where judges fight gladiator style.
Howard said Jon is really up on those ratings. He said that guy loves television. Robin said she's not sure how he keeps up on it and does all of the stuff he does there. Howard said Carol Leifer actually turned him on to a newsletter that lets you know all of that stuff. Howard said sometimes you just get older and don't watch as much TV. Howard said Jon is watching it all. Robin said he's aware of everything.
Howard said Beth went out to walk the dog and he stayed home to watch TV. He said that he was watching Ray Kelly on 60 Minutes last night. Howard said the guy was basically talking about what they've done in the city to keep an eye on everyone. Howard said there are cameras all over the city and they have recognition technology in them to pick people out of crowds. Howard said they have radiation detectors all over too. Howard said they even have a weapon that can take out a plane. Howard said he turned to his wife and said that they should thank God for Ray Kelly. Howard said they've spoken to Ray and his family and he's a nice guy. He said he had no idea he was a Vietnam vet and he was a cop and a Harvard Lawyer. He said the guy is a brilliant guy.
Howard said this guy went to town after 9/11 and built up a fortress around the city. Howard said that they haven't been attacked as much as New York City anywhere else. Howard said that the guy is really amazing. He said that 60 Minutes had another piece after Ray Kelly. He said they had the 10 year old kid who killed his Nazi father. Howard said having had a dad who was in the army the word ''Nazi'' is so offensive. He said that so many people have died defending the country from these assholes. Howard said you can be a KKK guy or something here in the United States. He said these idiots don't even know how to speak German but they're trying to be Nazi's. Howard said this 10 year old ended up shooting his father who was a Nazi. He said they say that the kid was crazy but kids don't just go around shooting their father for no good reason. Robin said they were saying that it was very deliberate because the kid had to use two fingers to pull the trigger.
Howard said they were up at Midnight last night. He said that it turns out that she was warning them of a smoke alarm that was going off in the apartment. Howard said she was shaking because she's freaked out by everything. Howard said he holds her in his lap all the time but she's not having a good life. He said it's awful. He said she has this cone on her leg and she blasts into you with it and it hurts. Howard said she looks like a space dog with that thing on. He said it's crazy what's going on.
Howard said he tried to put some of the Tony Bennett stuff into perspective on that show. He said he believes that Tony Bennett is being crucified over the comments he made on the show about why the terrorists attacked the World Trade Center. Howard said he was looking at the bigger picture with what he said. He said he had a grain of truth in it. Howard said he was reading a story in Rolling Stone with Jon Stewart. He said Jon said that this country is based on us wiping out a race of people, the Indians. Howard said then wet brought over a bunch of Africans and enslaved them. Howard said our country is based on a lot of mistakes. Howard said we try to improve over the years. He said that this country actually went to war over slavery.
Howard said there is no doubt in his mind that when people get older they can go one of two ways. They either become very rational about war and warn the younger generation about war or they go the compete opposite. Howard said that war is the worst thing that you can experience. He said that's what Tony was talking about when he was there. Howard said Tony was saying that it's a shame that we have to live through wars. He said that everything we do has a big effect and he thinks that's what Tony was trying to say.
Howard said Tony was being called un-American and things like that. The guy didn't deserve that. Howard said Tony had to go on The View and issue an apology. Howard played some of that audio of Barbara Walters asking Tony about that and saying he wanted to clear up that statement. Tony said he printed something out because he had a feeling they were going to ask about that. Tony then read a statement he had written for them. Tony said that no one loves America more than he does. Howard said he does. He said that Barbara is so condescending in that clip. He said that she's just rattling on. He said that she said that what really matters is his singing voice.
Howard said that Bill Maher and Michael Moore said he was a hero. Howard said that Bill O'Reilly talked about it too. Howard played some of O'Reilly talking about the statement about ''bombing them'' and Bill and his guest start talking over one another. Howard said Bill just talks over her and the guest keeps talking. Howard said that's like the Jack and Rod Show where they just cut someone off. Howard said he didn't understand what either of them were saying.
Howard said Hannity and FOX News were all over this too. He played some of that audio where they were discussing what might happen to Bennett after those comments. They were thinking that he might be ''Dixie Chick'd'' now. They talked about how ridiculous the statement was and how he should stick to selling records.
Howard said he wasn't able to move his neck on Wednesday last week. He said that getting older is a pain. He said he was miserable all day long. He said they were trying to help at the gym but he was so fucked up and annoyed. He said Beth told him to call a real doctor so he did. He said he was prescribed some muscle relaxers. He said that he hasn't done anything like that since he did ludes. Howard said he slept for like 14 hours after taking them. He said he was a new man. Robin said this has nothing to do with age. She used to get that when she was in her 20s. Howard said he groans when he gets out of a car these days. He said that it is an age thing for him.
Howard said he's afraid he's going to turn into an Imus. He said he has to get off the air after this contract. Robin told him not to start on this 4 years early. Howard said that if he starts now it's only 4 and a half years.
Howard said he had some tape of Imus bitching about his TV show ratings during the breaks on his show. Howard said he doesn't want to be like that. Howard played some of the audio of Imus talking about the ratings and how Lou Dobbs has huge numbers. Imus said that Dobbs is unwatchable. Howard said that's Imus saying something is unwatchable. Howard said that Imus says he can't do any better. He's right about that.
Imus also says that his radio ratings are great. Howard said they're really not great. He said that he's bragging about that and they're awful.
Jeff Jarvis called in and said that Tony Bennett has been a genius at music but he's not a genius at anything else. He said that he's kind of an icon but no one has ever asked him anything before. He said that he brought out Tony the thinker and he's kind of child like when it comes to thinking. Howard said he said what he felt and there's no reason to get after the guy for saying what he thinks. Jeff said that's because Howard is the only one who asks people questions. He said he's never heard anyone else ask Tony Bennett about politics. Howard said he never thought that Tony would make the news. He said that was the last person he'd expect to make news.
Howard said Jeff seems to tweet all day long. Jeff said he did something on 9/11 where he was tweeting out the time line of events to what happened 10 years ago. Howard gave Jeff a plug for his book ''Public Parts'' which is coming out tomorrow. Howard said he wanted to play his call to Jillian Barberie but he had to take a break.
Howard came back and had Seth Rogen come in. Howard said he saw his movie ''50/50'' and loved it. Seth was the first one to sit on their new couch. Howard said no whores had sat on it yet. Seth sounded happy about that. Howard said his laugh is so infectious. Howard said that they had a phony phone call that they made using his laugh and he wondered if he had heard it. Seth said he did but Howard said he had to play it anyway.
Howard said Seth and Maria Menounos both have strange laughs so they took them and made a prank call. In this one Sal and Richard did a Jack and Rod show bit where they spoke to an author about her book and had Seth and Maria as two people who were high after smoking marijuana. They had Seth and Maria saying goofy things and laughing with their goofy laughs. The woman was trying to talk them out of smoking pot but she could tell it was all a joke to the two of them.
After playing the call Howard said that was a strong phone call. Seth said that might be the best something like that has ever worked. Howard said it would be interesting if Seth and Maria met and they had that phony phone call in common.
Howard said when Seth was much younger he worked for Sacha Baron Cohen on ''Da Ali G Show.'' Howard asked if he's still in touch with him. Seth said he just emailed him yesterday. He said that he and Evan Goldberg had written some stuff and sent it to Sacha. He said that Sacha was looking for new writers and they got called into a meeting. He said he remembers meeting him for the first time and going to meet him. He said they came up with some ideas around Spring Break time and thought it would be funny to do gay shit at Spring Break. He said they met him at his house and he hired them to work for a few days and then they got hooked up. Howard said it sounds like some crazy stuff that they come up with. He said that Sacha does some of these things and he almost gets killed for them. Seth said that he's really wiling to do some wild shit when he puts on those outfits that he puts on. He said that there is one thing that they did where Sacha had a couple of guys doing gay stuff and then he breaks in and tells them that they're on Gay TV. He said that they almost beat the shit out of Sacha but he stays in character and he runs away as they're chasing him around. Seth said Sacha didn't break out of character at all.
Howard asked Seth if he went to college. Seth said he didn't even graduate high school. He said he had done Freaks and Geeks and he had written for ''Undeclared'' and had written ''Superbad'' around that time. Howard asked how he knows the format for writing a TV show or a movie. Seth said you really don't need to know that. He said he's been very lucky to work with people who teach you that shit. Seth said he would copy the formula and he used Final Draft to help him out too.
Howard asked Seth about the first movie they wrote. Seth said they started writing ''Superbad'' in high school. He said that Evan's parents were really unsupportive. He said that he had a lot of support himself but Evan didn't.
Howard said that he realized that this movie is based on reality. Seth said that it was. Howard said he didn't want to watch the movie based on cancer but it turned out to be great. He said that this might be his best role ever. Howard said he seemed to be adlibbing through the movie. Howard said there was a scene where he saw some dog licking another dog's balls and he just says ''Oh, look at that, he's licking his balls.'' Seth said they did some adlibbing in that. He said they were given permission to basically do whatever they wanted.
Howard asked if he's high during the movies. Seth said ''Sometimes...'' Seth said that he'll pick a few scenes where he thinks she should be high and that gets blown out the window. Howard said he seems very relaxed and seems like he's having fun making movies.
Howard said he thinks it was good that he didn't take the lead role. Seth said he thinks he made the right decision too. He said he's not sure people would sympathize with him. Howard asked if they got a lot of support from the industry to make this one. Seth said they kept it on the smaller side and they did it that way and just hoped it came out good. He said that they only had an $8 million budget so he didn't get paid for this one. He said that if the movie does well he'll get paid.
Seth said that the guy who wrote the movie, Will, got sick in 2003 and they worked together on Da Ali G show. Seth said they asked him to start writing it when he got sick. He said he was like his best friend thought the whole thing and he'd drive him to the hospital. He said he was able to drive himself but they changed a few things for the movie.
Seth said at the time he had nothing else going on in his life so he had the time to spend with the guy. He said if it happened today he'd just abandon the guy.
Howard asked Seth if they really used the cancer to pick up chicks. Seth said he met his fiancee at a bar when he was out with Will. He said it can be used to get laid. He said that he has asked his fiancee if she went out with him because he was hanging around a guy with cancer. Seth said that he thinks the answer is yes because he's really not that good a guy.
Howard said Seth seems to be a really good guy. He said he has friends that he sticks by and he's with this one woman when he could be getting tons of pussy. Seth said that's never why he did it. He said there are a lot of guys out there getting a lot of pussy. Howard said John Stamos is like that. Howard said Seth could be doing it too. He said it's like a playground out there for a guy like him. Seth said it makes him a tragic figure. Howard asked if he feels that he's not taking advantage of it. Seth said he does feel like he's wasting his powers at times. He said he was just kidding about that. Seth said it actually horrifies him at times. He said when he was single he was horrified of girls. He said he's not sure why but he was afraid of the pussy.
Howard asked Seth if he likes to be alone. Seth said he does. He said when he lived alone he really lived alone. He said guys would ask what he did in his apartment because it smelled funny and he had all kinds of experiments going on.
Howard said he imagines him smoking weed out of all kinds of contraptions and watched a lot of TV. Seth said he smoked a lot of cigarettes and watched TV, drank alone and all of that. He said it was actually kind of hilarious. Howard said he's like the people on Friends but the ''Anti-Friends.'' Seth said he would smoke inside so it was hot and stinky and people would come over and it was clear he was jacking off everywhere. He said that you'd get the suspicion that he was jacking off in the kitchen if you came over. Howard asked if he was a 5 time a day guy. Seth said he could never do it that many times. Howard said he remembers doing that in his 20s. Seth said he's 29 and he can still do it 3 times a day. Howard said he tried doing it 2 days in a row and he had a hard time. He said it just dies.
Howard said he almost yelled at himself for not being able to do it two days in a row. He said he had baby sitter porn and wasn't able to get off. Seth said he will watch porn once in a while and he likes the stuff that's like amateur porn. He explained some of the stuff he likes to watch. Howard said he doesn't do it to magazines anymore. Seth said that he does once in awhile. Howard said that he uses his iPad to do it now. Seth said he does the same thing. He has an iPad and a Blackberry. He puts the movies on there so he can just download them and save them for later. Howard said he's disgusted when he does stuff like that.
Howard said that it's really strange when you're in a relationship because you should be able to fuck whenever. Seth said that no woman wants to fuck as much as any guy wants to. Seth said that the best strategy is not to bug the woman but he ends up bugging her. He said that he knows it's a bad strategy but he does it anyway.
Seth said that he thinks that he should get credits for when other girls want to fuck him. He said that if a girl comes on to him then he should get one fuck from her. He said that he could tell her that 10 girls wanted to fuck him and get those 10 credits.
Howard told Seth that he thought Bryce Dallas Howard looked good in the movie. He said he thinks she got a nose job though. Howard said the director did a great job with the film too. He said he's not sure that the movie name is going to do it justice. Seth said that the first name they had was ''I'm with Cancer'' but that was kind of repellant. He said that they went with a benign name instead. Howard said he wasn't able to figure out what the name of the movie was at first.
Howard asked if the movie is opening wide. Seth said it's opening as wide as possible. He said they're on like 2,500 screens or something like that.
Howard asked Seth how long they spent making this movie. Seth said they did it for about 4 years. He said it was the first movie they ever produced and they're hoping to be able to produce other movies in the future.
Howard said you have to know what to say when you're with a guy with cancer. Seth said he tried to cheer the guy up all the time and it seemed to be the best attitude to take. He said that if you're not that funny then don't make cancer jokes.
Howard asked Seth how writes for Sacha Baron Cohen when everything is basically a premise. Seth said there were like 5 writers on that show. He said he was about 23 at the time and they didn't pay all that great. He said they split like $1,200 a week. He said that they actually lost money doing that show. Seth said they would come up with questions for interviews they'd do. He said you have to predict what the people would say and come up with questions like that. He said they'd come up with ideas for interviewing psychics and things like that. Seth told Howard about the funny stuff that they'd come up with like wanting to blow a dead boyfriend. He said they did that in his movie. Seth said that they did some crazy stuff like that.
Seth said that he and Evan were the only two American guys on the writing staff. Howard said it must be scary to pitch ideas in front of these guys. Seth said it can be but they all got along so it wasn't so bad. Seth said that if they came up with bad ideas they would just get ignored.
Howard asked Seth if things would ever get out of hand. Seth said they would do things down south and they'd be terrified that they were going to get killed. He said it was a very dangerous thing to be doing. Howard said it really can be dangerous. Howard asked if Sacha is stopping it now so he doesn't get in trouble. Seth said he's not sure about that. He said he does speak to him but he's not sure if he's going to do that in the future. Howard asked how long he worked for Sacha. Seth said it was like a 6 month long job.
Howard asked Seth who took him on as a manager. Seth said Judd Apatow is the guy who helped him out a lot. He said he got on the TV show and set up with agents and managers. He said that he owes Judd a lot.
Seth was on Saturday Night Live in one sketch this weekend. Howard said he hasn't been watching the show lately. Seth said that's the way it is these days. He said you get all stressed out about doing the show and then the week after you realize that no one even knew you were on. He said he was on with Alec Baldwin this week. He said that Alec hosted and he beat Steve Martin's record for hosting and then Steve says he wants to have a drug expert test him for performance enhancing drugs and the drug tester was him. Seth said he was really intimidated by Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. He said Steve actually talked to him for hours and it was fucking crazy. He said Steve talked to him about being nervous and Steve told him what made him nervous in his career. He said he's not sure that Steve will recall it happened a week from now but for him it was a big deal.
Howard asked Seth if doing the show live was something really different. Seth said he only had one line and he knew it was good. He said he had a few beers and it went very well. He said the first time he hosted he almost started crying when he did his monologue. He said he was so nervous that he almost wanted to cry. He said if he did cry he knew that it would fuck everything up so he had to talk himself out of it.
Howard asked Seth who he thinks are funny guys. Seth said Steve Martin is one but he thinks that Albert Brooks is great too. He said he heard Brooks tweets a lot. He said he doesn't do that himself so he's just heard that he does it.
Howard asked Seth about his weight and what's going on with it now. Seth said he's evened out and he's not super thin anymore. He said that he's not fat either. Seth said that he was way too thin for a while. He said he got that it was getting really weird at the time.
Howard asked Seth what he did after Da Ali G Show. Seth said they got nominated for Emmys. He said they worked on ''40 Year Old Virgin'' after that. He said that led to Knocked Up being made.
Howard said Kevin Smith credits Seth for getting his career back in line. Howard said Seth told him to start smoking weed again and that helped open up his career again. Seth said that's very nice of him to say. He said there are some who should smoke weed and some who shouldn't.
Howard said Seth is one of the voices in this country who are saying that smoking weed is good. Howard said there must be some publicists who tell him to stop talking about it. Seth said that the publicists don't say anything. He said it's stupid that pot is illegal. He said they all know that.
Howard said there are some people who don't want to deal with guys who are on drugs sand they like to keep it quiet. Seth said the only time that has happened was during ''The Green Hornet'' Sony asked him not to tell too many pot stories. He said that he isn't capable of doing that.
Howard said he is one of the guys who shouldn't smoke weed. He said he gets really paranoid and neurotic. Howard asked Seth if he has a marijuana medical card. Seth said that he does. He said he can't bring it to New York with him but he thinks he could get away with it. He said that he has never been caught with it before.
Howard asked what his ailments are. Seth said he has insomnia and a couple of other things. He said that he can go into a store and buy marijuana. He said there's actually a Pineapple Express version out there too so that's what he will check out to make sure the quality is there.
Howard said that if he didn't love this movie he wouldn't say it was good. He said that he really likes 50/50. Seth told Howard he saw Private Parts when he was like 15 years old. He said that he was doing stand-up comedy and the movie really influenced him. He said that's what inspired this movie because Howard joked about his wife's miscarriage. He said that it's something real and he really connected to that. He said he thinks that it was that movie that made writing this movie possible. Howard said he appreciates him saying that. Howard said people don't like to confide in him. He said that they just want to get off the phone if he calls them.
Howard asked Seth about having a meeting with Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. He asked how he got that meeting. Seth said George Lucas wasn't supposed to be there but Steven wanted to meet with them about producing some stuff. Howard asked what it was that he wanted them to do. Seth said sometimes they have more scripts than they have people to oversee. Seth said that they asked them to maybe oversee some stuff that they had to do. Seth said that they didn't end up doing it. He said they didn't respond to any of the ideas they had. Seth said that he will admit to smoking weed all the time but he will never admit to being stoned. He said that he will admit he smoked that day but he wasn't stoned. Howard asked if he's stoned now. Seth said he's not. Howard said he thinks that means he is.
Howard asked about George Lucas being there and the weird ideas he was coming up with. Seth said that it was weird that he was there to begin with. Howard said William Shatner was recently saying that Star Trek was better than Star Wars because it had better stories. Seth said that he was more of a Star Trek guy so he'd have to agree with him. Robin said the first Star Wars movie was great.
Howard asked what George Lucas was talking about in this meeting. Seth said this seemed completely genuine. He said that George seems to believe that the world is going to end in 2012 and that's what he was talking about in the meeting. Seth said he joked that it was a good thing that the Skywalker Ranch is on the other side of the fault line and George actually said it is a good thing that it's on the other side.
Howard asked Seth how that even came up. Seth said he's not even sure. He said that he just kind of inorganically ushered it into the conversation. Howard asked if he had a project for 2012 that brought it up. Seth said maybe that's what it was. Howard said he would rather be in a meeting with a guy who smokes pot than a guy who thinks the world is going to end in 2012.
Howard asked Seth about the guy who got cancer getting it on his spine. Seth said that the MRIs in the movie are the actual MRIs that Will had done. He said that the tumor was wrapped around his spine. Howard said this guy was really neurotic too. Seth said Will is the most neurotic of his friends so it was comedicaly funny that he was the one who got it.
Howard said this movie is really good and he hopes it does well. Seth said he hopes that the movie isn't a bomb because they did make it based on his cancer. Howard said he heard his friend Will was actually there. Seth said he is and he's the Ayahuasca guy who has done it like 10 times. Will came in so Howard said he's happy that they met on Da Ali G show. He said that it's great that they were able to write this movie and get it made too.
Will told Howard he was actually a producer on Da Ali G Show. Howard asked Will about the cancer and if he thought he was going to die. Will said he was mis-diagnosed because they said it was terminal. Howard asked if he wanted to go out and do something wild. Will said that they wanted to do a movie called '''The Fuck It List'' where they'd just go out and do everything they could. Howard said that when you're told you're terminal no one goes out and shoots anyone. He said that the doctors aren't always right so you can't go out and do anything too wild.
Will said that he was dumped by friends and even family members. He said that Seth stuck with him. He said he's been in remission for 6 years now.
Gary told Howard to ask him about this Ayahuasca thing. Howard said that's what Robin did when she went to Peru. Howard asked where Will did it. Will said he did it up in Canada. Howard asked if he ever thought that's what caused his cancer. He said he did it after the cancer. He said he's done it 9 times. He said it's the greatest therapy ever. Robin said it's so rough though. Howard said he could never do that stuff because it would make him mental.
Howard asked about Joseph Gordon-Levitt. He said he was second choice because the guy they had lined up backed out at the last minute. Seth said they had actually filmed 3 days with James McAvoy but he had a family situation that he had to leave for. He said he had to go back to the UK and it was perfectly understandable. Howard asked if he could have taken a week off. Seth said maybe he could have but the budget was so small that they couldn't wait. Howard said it must be tough when you have to do that after a few days. Seth said that he has to give Joseph a lot of credit. He said he called him the next day and explained what happened and he came and did the movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Seth prefers a bong or vaporizer. Seth said that he doesn't have the patience for a vaporizer. He said he prefers a joint. Howard asked if he ever worries about the smoke giving him cancer. Seth said that he does think about it. He said he has tried the vaporizer and he should try that out more. Seth said he's tried pot brownies but they really fuck him up. He said that he can smoke and go out and be fine but he cant eat the brownies. Howard said Seth is a very capable young man. He said he could never smoke like that.
Howard asked what Will's last name was. He said it's actually Will Reiser and Paul Reiser is his cousin. Howard took another call but ended up asking Will about Paul and if he's ever helped him out. Will said he has been helpful with his career. He said he lived with Paul while he was sick. He lived in his guest house.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if there's going to be a part 2 for this movie. Howard said he could have been in this movie. Howard said the guy in the movie really shaved his head too. Howard said he'd have to wear a wig.
The caller asked if he heard the Jonah Hill interview. Seth said he didn't hear it yet. Howard said he was really good.
Howard took another call from a guy who was sleeping on the phone. Howard said this must have been a really boring interview. Howard said these fucking guys are killing his show. Howard listened in as the guy was lightly snoring. The next caller, Pete in Pittsburgh, who asked if Seth is pro-Palestine. He said he read that in some magazine. Seth said that he's never talked about that in a magazine. He said he'd never talk about that. Pete said that's what he read in High Times. Seth sounded surprised. He said that he must be interpreting that in his own way.
Another caller said that there are studies that found that smoking weed prevents cancer, it doesn't cause it. Seth said ''Boom!''
Howard asked how the movie is testing. The guys said that it's testing very well. Will said something about it getting a 93 out of 100.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Seth because he laughs like a retard. Seth goofed on his Boston accent. The caller said that Jonah Hill was boring and laughing at his own jokes the whole time. Howard said he thought Jonah was a great interview. The caller said they had Jonah and Brad Pitt on some show recently and he said that Brad Pitt really seems like a douche bag.
Howard asked if Brad Pitt was a douche bag to Seth. Seth said he met him for like 2 seconds and he wasn't a douche to him. Gary told Howard that Seth really has to get going. He has to be on the Today Show in 11 minutes. Seth said he's co-hosting with Hoda today for the last hour of the show. Howard said that's the funniest thing. Howard wished the guys luck, wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and made the song ''JD's Crying'' instead. Howard spent a minute doing that and then said that he is email buddies with Michael Penn. He said that he's a great musician and Sean Penn's brother. Howard said he's married to Amy Mann and he's part of a charity. He said he has some new music out and they're donating the money from that to charity. Howard said he thought he'd mention that today. He was going to play some of it but he had trouble finding it. Howard said he's part of this Sweet Relief Musician's Fund. You can find out more at MichaelPenn.com.
Howard said there was a report about how Sly Stone is living out of a van now. Howard said the guy was worth millions years ago. Robin said he had lived in mansions. Howard played some of their music and talked about some of his favorites. Howard said the guy was really talented. He said he doesn't want to say what did him in. Howard said they should rent a car with a really good sound system and blast their music as they drive by his van.
Howard read about how Sly is showering in a home of some strangers he befriended. Howard said that it might be a good idea to hook up with the guy. Howard read about how Sly says that he's living in a camper and he likes moving around. Howard said that's one way to spin it.
Gary said he was on a special not too long ago and he ended up waling off stage after trying to perform. Howard said the guy is a mess. He said that he sold all of his song publishing to Michael Jackson for like a million bucks. Robin said that Jackson took advantage of him. Howard said the guy was a genius and he was taken advantage of. Howard read some more details about that. Howard said Sly thinks that the FBI is after him and things like that. He said that's sad.
Howard said he had the Michael Penn song so he played some of that. Howard said he's on a couple of the songs on the album. He played one where Penn and his wife Amy both sang. Howard said Amy is really good and she should still be out performing. Howard said he might have beat off to her when she was on the show. Howard said it's nice that you get something out of it when you donate to that charity.
Howard played the first clip and Pete said something that sounded like ''Awah.'' The caller asked to hear it again. He said he thinks it's Iowa. Robin and Howard agreed. Howard asked if he was right. Gary said that was correct.
The second clip was Pete saying what sounded like ''Kloza.'' Keith asked if he could have a life line. Howard said he'd throw in everyone in the studio. Keith picked Fred. Fred said he thinks it's Florida. Howard asked if he was right. Gary said he was correct.
Howard played the third one which sounded like ''Kisses.'' Keith guessed it was Kansas. Robin asked if he wanted to be locked into that. Keith told Fred to lock him in. Howard said he thinks he's right. Robin said she did too. Gary said he was correct. He won $500.
Howard said he was kind of disappointed in this game. Howard asked why it was so easy this time. Gary said they mixed them up. Howard told Keith he won the money and got in a plug for Freshbooks.com.
Howard played another one which sounded like ''Tigucki.'' It was Kentucky. Howard played another that sounded like ''Convention.'' Gary said he must have played the wrong one. He said it can't be right. Howard and Robin weren't able to get it right. Robin said it might be Michigan. It turns out it was Missouri. Howard said he can't believe that.
Keith said that his money is going toward the family dog who has a paralyzed leg. Howard put him on hold and went to break.
Howard came back and said he likes this song. He jokingly said he wrote it for him in 5 minutes at a friend's house. Robin said he wrote a good one. Howard said he also introduced him to Amy Mann who he was dating at the time and he gave her to him. Howard said she was good but he gave her over to Michael. Robin said she's sure he appreciates him handing over a hit song and a woman. Howard let the song play and told Robin about the lyrics he had actually written and how Michael changed them slightly. Robin said the legend is changing as they listen to the song. Howard said that was a pretty complicated part of his life. That's when he wrote that song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said ''Baba Booey to you...'' which led to Howard saying all of the different Baba Booey names and Fred playing a few Baba Booey songs and clips. That had the caller cracking up. Fred was playing some of the opera singer doing her Baba Booey songs. Fred that's the Australian woman who did that for them. Howard said she's like an angel.
Howard said that made him think of a new prank call the boys made. He said that they called into a show where the guy will pray for you and the host starts speaking in tongues so Sal starts speaking in tongues too and throws out some Baba Booeys.
Howard played the call and Sal calls into this show saying he's praying for his wife that became mentally ill. Someone starts speaking in tongues so Sal starts doing that and starts singing wacky songs and throws in some hip hop songs and Baba Booey references. At one point Sal starts singing a Lady Gaga song. the host just keeps saying ''Amen'' after each of Sal's rants. Howard said that it sounded very powerful when Sal started singing that Gaga song.
Howard asked the caller what he could do for him. The caller said that on Friday Jay Thomas got kicked out for some reason and he wondered why Jay is on his channels. He said that they were off subject and when Howard's name came up Jay just said they don't talk about Howard on this channel. Howard said it didn't sound like a bad thing. He said maybe he was nervous about saying the wrong thing because he might get kicked off. Howard said he must be worried about his job. Howard said he likes Jay. He said maybe the guy is just nervous around him.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out on the street and did some Tony Bennett interviews. They were asking people on the street if they agree or disagree with what he said. They got some interviews with people who said that they agree with what he said and how wrong it is. One guy said that bin Laden did not take down the World Trade Center and he shouldn't have been taken out. The guy said that he's a businessman and his business is international. The guy went on and on about what he does but it wasn't making much sense.
Howard had Asian Pete on the phone. Howard said they love playing that game with him saying the states. Pete asked Howard how he's doing. Howard said he's fine. Pete then said something unintelligible. Howard said he thought he said Robin was going to have sex with him tonight. Pete kept asking how he's been. Howard said his phone is screwy too. Howard said he's looking good on the new set. Howard had to let Pete go.
Howard asked if Robin was distracted by the new set. Robin said she was watching Gary dancing behind him. Howard said they have Ronnie with a billboard that says ''TOPLESS'' and Gary is dancing. Benjy is hoola hooping in another section. They have Beetlejuice on the screen and a bunch of other things on the screen. Howard said he'd like to hang that in his apartment. He asked who the designer is for that. Scott said it was his idea and the graphic designer was Travis Johns. Scott said he touched it up from there. Howard said he did a nice job. Scott said he was about to make another touch up. He said there are some mistakes in it so he wants to fix those. He said they have a mistake with Robin's shot and some little things like that. Howard said Fred was creepy and it was perfect.
Howard played the call he made to Good Morning L.A. He was pretending to be Chaz Bono and barely disguising his voice. Jillian said she had no clue who it was. Her co-host, Steve, wanted to break the news to her so he told her that it was Howard Stern. Jillian thought they were kidding. Jillian said it was the best birthday gift ever. She sounded like she was near tears. Howard thanked her for all of the promotion that she's done for the show. Jillian said he is her morning. She said that this is huge and Howard never does anything like this.
Howard said that it is a big deal because he doesn't do this kind of thing. He played more of the call and Jillian was thanking Howard for the entertainment from the past 20 years. Howard said that he and Jillian could have become lovers. He said he could have come on the show and given Steve all of the details. Steve said that he would have heard every detail from Jillian before Howard got the chance. The clip ended a short time later. Howard said that JD really cut that down. He took it from 12 minutes to 2 minutes.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she saw the interview and Howard seemed to be confused talking to Jillian's co-host and thinking it was Jillian. Howard said it was hard to hear and they sounded similar. He said that Dorothy Lucy mentioned that he kissed her somewhere but Howard didn't remember doing that. Howard said he'd play the entire thing tomorrow morning. He said what he just played was just a preamble.
Howard said that Jeff calls in and gets upset and then he calls back in a couple of days and apologizes. He said it seems to be a pattern. Jeff said that it is not. Robin said he must not realize it. Jeff said that's fine then. Howard thanked him for the call. He said he had nothing to say. They went to break after that.
Howard played some audio of Sal talking about that from last Wednesday's Wrap Up Show. Howard said Sal is so delusional talking about how he could get into a movie if he took a picture with Jonah. Howard said Sal is his own worst enemy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that Howard would cuckold Jillian in front of her husband. Howard said he thinks Jillian would have sex with him even though she has a husband and kids. Howard said he thinks her husband would let him fuck her too. Howard said he doesn't know that he'd want to do that in front of him though. The caller asked about the staff members. Howard said maybe Sal would. Gary said Sal would let him do it if he let him hang out at his house. Howard said he's pretty sure she would do it too.
Howard said he doesn't know Richard's situation but he thinks he's up for just about anything. Howard said he wouldn't let any man fuck his wife under any circumstance. Howard said he knows Jillian would fuck him but he's not sure about her husband. Howard said she thinks that he's like the man next to god. He said that he did say on the show that it might ruin the whole thing if they did have sex. She'd be giggling after him cumming in 3 seconds. Howard said they'd both be working hard to impress each other.
Howard said he should call Good Day L.A. every day until he annoys them to the point that they hate taking his calls.
Jon went through some more of his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned the Seth Rogen interview and some details mentioned during that. Howard said his movie is really good and he's not just saying that. They talked about The X-Factor too. Howard said he likes the show but it is a rip off of American Idol. Howard said that he likes that L.A. Reid guy and Simon so he's probably going to stick with it. He said he thinks they have a better chance of finding a star on this show than they do on American Idol. Howard said he can't even remember who won on Idol this past season. Gary said it was that country kid. Howard said that's right, the Alfred E. Newman looking kid. Jon finished up after that.
Robin started off with a story about this 17 year old girl who married a 51 year old actor. They're getting their own reality TV show and they say nothing is off limits. Howard said the chick is hot too. He said that should be good. Howard said he thinks the show Beverly Hills Housewives has turned to shit. He said it was his favorite show last week but now Camille has become normal and she's the voice of reason on the show. He said the other stuff on the show is a diaster too. He said he's really not enjoying it.
Robin read about Jesse James and Kat Von D breaking up again after getting back together a few weeks ago. Howard said he has trouble keeping track of them. Robin said that Kat was saying that they're on different paths in life in some interview she did. Howard didn't know what Kat was doing for a living. Robin said she's a tattoo artist. Howard said that he was thinking of Dita Von Tese. He said she claims to be a burlesque star but who the hell is going to see burlesque. Howard said no one needs burlesque these days. Howard told the guys to get her in there so he can ask her what the hell she's doing. Howard asked if he had her on the show before. He didn't get an answer. Howard said saying you're in burlesque is like saying you need to find a phone booth. Howard said he actually found one recently and called his wife on it just so he could say that he was calling from a phone booth.
Robin read about how Arnold Schwarzenegger has commissioned some bronze statues of him to be poured. Howard said he thinks that his business opportunities have dried up. Robin said he was supposed to do a cartoon called the Governator. Howard said it sounded like they were trying to get people interested in that but it didn't work out. Robin said that he's a running joke these days after fucking that maid. Howard said it must have been so weird in that house. He said that the woman was cleaning his house and Arnold fucked her and had a baby with her and she was still there cleaning the house. Howard said you'd think she'd sue the guy and stop working after getting support for the kid. Howard said Arnold is one arrogant mother fucker. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a hunter who died after an encounter with a grizzly bear in Montana. Robin said that two men were attacked but the guy who died wasn't killed by the grizzly. It turns out the hunting partner accidentally shot the guy in the chest. Howard said that's a great way to kill someone if you want them dead. Robin said they're saying that this was an accident. Robin said the cruise ship thing is another one where you can kill someone and they don't know it for days.
Robin read about a New Jersey man who is being accused of killing his wife and putting her into a 55 gallon drum filled with concrete. Robin said they found the remains in an apartment building basement where they lived.
Robin read about President Obama pushing for this jobs bill that he wants passed. Robin had some audio clips for Howard to play. Robin had some Herman Cain audio for Howard to play as well. Howard ended up talking about Godfathers Pizza since Cain used to run that company. Howard said that he hasn't tried their pizza but he figures it's bad like Pizza Hut and those type of restaurants. Howard said that you have to go to a real pizzeria for pizza. Howard and Robin talked about how poor Rick Perry is doing at the debates and things like that. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about some protests that are going on in the financial district there in New York. Robin said they are there because they're protesting the financial system in New York. They want to see some reform. Robin said some altercations took place and some people got arrested. Robin had some audio of some of the protesters talking about that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who was on the phone with someone else. Howard said he apparently argues with people all day long. Jeff was arguing with a refrigerator repair person and trying to get a free one or something. Howard said he must do that all day long. He said he must do all kinds of weird shit all day long.
Howard asked Jeff if he was trying to scam a new refrigerator. Jeff said he wasn't trying to scam anything. He was just trying to get his refrigerator fixed. Howard said he was kind of nasty and belligerent to her. Jeff said he thinks he's had the refrigerator 4 or 5 years. Howard said he was trying to get a new one. Jeff said that it needs to be fixed and this is the third time in a few months.
Jeff said he called in earlier and he wasn't asking for anything. He said he was assuming he was calling to ask for something. Howard said he was looking for something recently so he was just assuming. Jeff said he thinks he's on Howard's shit list now. Howard said he's not on any list. He said he rarely thinks about him. Howard asked Jeff who he's going to vote for. Jeff said he's not voting. Robin said that's one thing she's happy about.
Howard asked Jeff how many times he was left back in school. Jeff said it was like 3 years. He did eventually graduate though. Robin said he must have been one of those guys with the beard. Howard asked what years he was left back. Jeff said that he was left back in 9th grade for English and Social Studies. He said he had two of each the next year. He said he failed Social Studies again. Howard asked if he felt any pressure to do better and maybe get out of school. Robin said he failed them two years in a row. Howard said his whole life has been a disaster. Jeff said he doesn't want to lose Howard as a friend of his. Howard said he's not going to lose him as a friend. He told him not to worry about it. Howard said he must be missing that gene where you panic when you're failing. Howard said he would panic if he were Jeff.
Robin read some news about prostate cancer and how they're advising all men to get a prostate exam if they're over 50 years old. Howard said he hates prostate cancer. He said it fucks with your dick and makes it dribble and shit like that. Robin said they say that doctors won't tell guys just how bad it is. Howard did another live commercial.
Robin read about the two hikers who were released from an Iranian prison over the weekend. Howard asked if anyone asked what the fuck they were doing over there. Robin said that people are basically just listening to them at this point. Robin had some audio of the chick that was released a year earlier. Robin had some audio of the two guys who were released talking about how they're against the U.S. policies against Iran so they found it ironic that they were arrested. Howard said they had no business being over there. Howard said no American should hike anywhere but in America. Robin said she would ask if the hiking was really that great. Howard said there are plenty of places to hike right here in this country.
Robin read a story about how Pakistani government may have been helping in an attack in Kabul. Robin said that they're saying that it was like a Mafia type thing going on over there. Robin said Senator Lindsay Graham is saying that all options are open for this situation.
Ralph called in and told Howard they should send some people down to interview the protesters on Wall Street. He said they look like a bunch of dopes just hanging out. He said they're polluting this nice park downtown and it's horrible. Howard told Ralph to stop thinking so hard.
Robin read about this OnStar service that was tracking people even when they would cancel their subscription. Robin said that Chuck Schumer is against this. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Robin said he's trying to get that stopped.
Robin read about Melissa Etheridge not being able to keep her relationships going. She had some details about the problems she's been having and how they still haven't come to an agreement about their kids and visitation.
Robin mentioned the Sly Stone story they talked about earlier and read some more details about that. Howard said he would take him in if he was living on his street. Howard said he liked his music.
Robin had some audio of Willow Smith singing her hit song. Robin said that's from her debut album. Howard said he thought it was Alvin and the Chipmunks. Fred played the slamming door sound with that awful bass line. Robin said they're hoping to have the new album out soon and they're saying they'll have a lot of different sounds on this album. Howard said he liked the son in the Karate Kid remake. He said they're cute kids too.
Robin said that the new Brad Pitt movie came out over the weekend. She said it's making her wonder if Brad is really a movie star. Howard said that he likes some of his movies. Howard said he liked Legends of the Fall and Mr. and Mrs. Smith and a few others. Robin said he didn't come in number one at the box office this weekend. She said that a star is supposed to do that. She said that they came out at number 2 after The Lion King. Howard said he thinks the subject matter of the movie is kind of weird. He said he liked Benjamin Button too. Robin said that everything Brad is in is an ensemble cast. She said that Tom Cruise makes hits, not Brad Pitt. Robin was going on and on so Howard asked her what happened to her this weekend. Robin kept going wondering about this Brad Pitt thing.
Howard asked Robin if she's dating. Robin said she's not. Howard said she's in her prime and she needs to date. Howard said that Brad Pitt is a movie star.
Ralph called in and said that Robin has to be insane. She said that the Ocean's movies didn't count earlier. Ralph said she's out of her mind. Howard said Robin has to get hooked up with someone. He asked Ralph if he knows anyone. Ralph said she needs a strong man who can get her whipped into shape. He asked Howard if he knows any movie stars that she'd date. Howard said she should go out with Brian Williams. Or maybe Jayden Smith. Howard said someone needs a lot of energy to keep up with her. Ralph said she needs someone who can wear her out.
Howard asked where Captain Dennis was. Robin said he wasn't there. That led to Fred playing a ship's horn as Captain Dennis. Howard and Fred had some fun with that for a minute. Howard said he just saw what's going on in there. He told Gary that he should clean up in there. Robin said that she just comes in and does her work and leaves. She doesn't do the cleaning. Robin said Gary has permission to clean up and throw everything out.
Ralph said it looks like that Hoarders show. Robin said she doesn't bother anything in there. Howard said maybe she should be in there. Robin said she didn't put it in there in the first place. Howard said she could have a nice area in there. Robin said she does have a blender in there. She has a fridge too. Howard said he just saw some of the stuff in there and there was food in the room. Robin said the refrigerator is disgusting but there's not much in there. Gary said that Evan said he opened it once and it smelled like there was a dead body in there.
Gary said he'll clean up the area today. Howard said he just saw Robin's refrigerator. They were showing all of the stuff in that room and Howard was getting disgusted. Robin had some kind of drink mixed in there and it looked like shit to him. Robin said she's sorry but she's not going to clean that area. She said no one offers her any help so it stays that way. She said she has no idea what's in that room and she doesn't care. Robin said she only has make up and her purse in there. She said that she takes it with her every day. Howard said it's really depressing in there. Robin said she doesn't pay attention to it. She just works and leaves.
Howard asked what some of the stuff was. Robin said that there was a piece of tape in icing or something. They were going over junk and more junk in there. Gary said that he gives stuff to Robin and she'll just tell her to put it in that room. Gary said that the stuff probably just gets lost. Howard said Greg Fitzsimmons' book is back there. Ralph said she can definitely throw that out. Robin said people give her books all the time and that's where they end up. Gary said they may end up just throwing that refrigerator away.
Robin said she just picked up that Corey Feldman's ex is saying that he left her high and dry. Howard said he told her not to marry her. Robin said that she's asking for $307 a month to take care of the kid. Howard said that sounds reasonable. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary said it bothers him on a level of organization. He said he has a bit of a mess in his office but he cleans it up once in a while. He said that Robin can do what she wants with that office. Scott said that she's making it seem like it's not her's. Gary said he's not sure why it seems to be his fault. Scott said she could have a mirror and do her make up in that room if she wanted to. Gary said that tomorrow it'll look great but he's not sure how long that will last. Jon said it sounds like she doesn't really care about that space. Gary said they could use it for storage for the TV show if she doesn't want that space.
Scott said that her house can't be like that. Gary said he was at her house for 5 days and it was nothing like that at all.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if her schedule is why it's such a mess. Gary said before he got married he would leave stuff and it would be where he left it. He said that when you're single you can do that. When you get married things get moved. Robin doesn't have to answer to anyone so she doesn't have to move stuff.
Jon asked DePace if he's organized. Scott said he is pretty organized. He said that he would leave stuff and be able to find it where he left it.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he'd like to be on the list of ''Win Robin's Junk.'' Jon said that Ralph and Jason were already asking for some of the stuff in there. Gary said she had a pretty nice blender in there. Benjy wanted that. Scott wanted some of the stuff too. Gary said she had some Teddy bears in there too. Jon said he might want those. Jon told the caller it sounds like they're all going to jump on all of that stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked whose space gets fucked up first around there. Gary said that Howard doesn't see that space every day. If he had then maybe this would have come up sooner. Gary said that JD has a lot of stuff coming in but there are others who get a lot of stuff too. Gary said he gets a lot of stuff to go through and he lets it sit around for months sometimes.
Benjy said that it's hard for him to decide on things so he lets it sit around. He said that he sees value in a lot of things. He said Robin doesn't seem to have that. He said he finds it shocking that she can just walk away from it all. Gary said that might be the best way for her to do things.
Jon asked JD about cleaning his office and if he has a lot of build up. JD said he has a lot of porn under his desk. He said he takes it and puts it there. He said he has a lot of stuff on the side wall too. He said he has a tape that he might get on the show some today. He said he has a hard time throwing stuff away too.
JD said that he found it funny that Robin was blaming other people for putting stuff in that room. JD said he takes full blame for his mess.
Gary said he was thinking about putting everything in a corner and ask Robin about what she wants and doesn't want. He said that it's not his job to determine if it's valuable or not.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he was surprised that Howard wasn't rougher on Robin for that mess. She was blaming everybody for her mess. Gary said that he thinks that he would have gotten it harder if it was his office. He said that Robin being organized or not doesn't really matter. Scott said Gary is really organized and he's really the opposite of Robin. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he would never give his wife up to anyone. Jon said that he's not sure if Richard would do that. The guys were saying he probably wouldn't. Gary said he doesn't think Jason would give up his wife either. He said there was a time when he night have though. DePace said there's not a chance he'd give up his wife either.
Jon said that the studio was all new this morning. He said that it was a big job that they did in a few days. Scott said they took 2 days and it went pretty smooth. He said that they had a set design company do it and they did a great job.
Jon asked Scott about the things he wasn't happy with on the video wall. Scott said they can add and subtract things from that wall all they want. Gary said he likes that it will be constantly changing.
Jon asked Gary about the complaints he had about the new layout. Gary said Howard's console has an area that's maybe 2 feet by 2 feet and he used to put his papers down there. He said they have a black mesh screen there that cut his space down. He said that he lost a lot of desk space there. He said he asked them to just bring him in and let him know when they do that from now on. Scott said they showed him the day before and he didn't think it was going to cut down the space but they'll try to fix it.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they were going by the sketches and it didn't look like it was affected. They're going to change some things though so they'll fix it.
Gary said that on the old set they had two pillows on the couch. They were there to keep people in the right spot. He said today they had Seth Rogen in there and he was off center. He said that they probably should have designed it so they don't need the pillows. Scott said it wasn't an issue when they tested it but today Seth really liked to hug that right side of the couch. He said that they're going to get some new pillows and take care of that.
Scott said that they thought the studio at the other place was really nice but Howard hated it at first. He said they had to make a lot of changes. He said it was nice that Howard liked this new design right from the start.
Gary said he thinks this is a modification and not a total redesign. He said they didn't do anything too drastic like move the couch to the other side of the room. Gary said Howard thought he was seeing Fred the whole interview but it turns out they didn't make any changes back there. Scott said that Howard once thought that he had moved his camera but nothing had changed. He said he told Howard that they moved it back to the right spot and Howard was happy. He said he didn't move anything.
Scott the Engineer came in and the guys asked him if he was included in this redesign. Scott said he wasn't and he's not lobbying to be included. JD was looking at both Scott's and talking about how both of their heads were the same kind of bald. DePace goofed on his gums.
Jon asked Benjy if it would bother him if he wasn't on camera as much. Benjy said he likes being on camera but he'd be willing to take another spot.
Gary asked Scott if he looked at the video wall and noticed he wasn't part of it. Scott said he didn't do that at all. Scott said they all did a great job on the whole thing. He said that it didn't even cross his mind. Gary said he wasn't buying it. Jon wasn't either. Jon said that would be a normal reaction if he was bothered by it. Scott said it didn't affect him at all. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done by 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about a picture he saw of Anne Hathaway in a Catwoman outfit for the new Batman movie. Howard said he doesn't see her as Catwoman though. He said that they're really anxious to get her involved and he's not sure why. He said she's the least likeable of the villains. He said maybe she'll be good at it though. He said no one ever consults him about anything like that. He said the whole comic book movie thing is weird. He said they can't seem to move on with the origin stories. Howard said they just do the same stupid story over and over.
Howard said Gary played him some stuff this morning. He said Gary asked him if he could name him 5 Lou Reed songs. Howard said no one knows any of his songs. Fred said he doesn't know his stuff either. He said he agrees with Howard and Gary that the hype is too much for Lou Reed. Howard said he thought he could name 5 of them. He said he knows Candy's Room, Walk on the Wild Side, Heroin, Sweet Jane and then he's lost. Howard said Gary wanted one more and that was all he had. Fred said he doesn't know if that Candy's Room is a Lou Reed song. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said he saw that Metallica cut a song with Lou Reed and he's not sure why. He said they are musicians so maybe they have their reasons. Howard said he's a big Metallica fan and he likes Lou Reed sometimes. Howard got a note saying the song is ''Candy Says'' not ''Candy's Room.''
Howard said Gary played some of the song for him and it sounded like Metallica was playing and then Lou comes in and talks over it at a party. That's kind of what it sounded like to him. Howard played the song and that's what it sounded like. Howard picked the song apart and said that was wild shit. He said he wonders how those collaborations work. He said they must have put a lot of time into it.
Robin asked if it was a whole album. Howard said he hopes not. Gary said it was. Fred played that ''Candy Says'' song but that wasn't the one Howard was thinking of. Howard said he likes ''Sweet Jane'' and had Fred play that. Howard said everyone knows ''Walk on the Wild Side'' so he avoided that one.
Howard talked over that one and Fred threw in some Baba Booey clips. Howard liked the guitar on that one. He let it play for a couple of minutes. He said he was sorry for the long intro. He asked what else they had to do anyway. He said they have 4 hours of show to do so why not listen to this.
Howard said this was taking forever to get to the song. Fred said it's always huge when they get to the song. Howard did his WNBC talk up of the song and had a few minutes of conversation waiting for the song to actually begin. He thought it was about to start but the music just kept going. He said the song happens to be very good. The build up was still going though. Fred said he forgot about all of this other stuff. Robin said it was like an instrumental. Howard said he must have been taking a dump during that part of the song. He said you can hear the flush in the background. Fred threw in some sound effects of the flush of the toilet and then a door opening and closing. Robin said she didn't know this song had such a long intro.
Howard let the song play a little longer. Fred threw in some more Baba Booey clips. Howard eventually cut it off after the first verse. Robin said they had to listen to a few minutes of the intro just to listen to one verse.
Howard said he should have asked Lars about how that whole collaboration came about but he didn't know it was going on. Robin said it sounds like Lou has a hard time staying in tune. Howard said the guy doesn't give a shit and that's what makes him cool. He said it's kind of like the Honey Badger, he doesn't give a shit.
Howard said he had some other things to get to. David Arquette was on Dancing with the Stars last night and it's blatant that they're putting Chaz on very last on the show. Robin said he wasn't the very last. Howard said he and Beth got it on last night. He said he watched some of Dancing with the Stars and then did that.
Howard said he missed the titty slip of Nancy Grace and he's glad he did. He saw it this morning and it was vomitus. Howard said she was doing the quick step and that makes your titties pop out. Howard said she has ample bosom. Howard said she was heaving and they told her that her huge nipple was showing. Howard said her's are so gigantic. He said they were very dark too. He said she looks very white but she had huge ones. Howard said they told her to tuck that shit in.
Howard said George Clooney's ex bang would have been a good one to see. He said Nancy Grace's nipples start under her chin. Howard said that they've seen Nancy Grace and Chaz's nips on that show and those are the last two he wants to see.
Robin said that Chaz didn't do very well because his knees are bothering him. Howard said he weighs like 700 pounds so of course his knees are bad. Robin said he complains about being old all the time. Robin said he has to man up and be a guy and not complain.
Howard said David Arquette Baba Booey'd during the show last night. He said that Tom Bergeron did the same. Howard played the clip and David was talking about his dancing and how sometimes your brain just goes ''Baba Booey.'' Then Tom Bergeron threw in a Baba Booey.
Howard said he has to watch Brooke Burke's interviews because she asks the same questions every single time. He said it's the same thing over and over again. He said it's kind of fascinating. Robin said she changed her name this week too. She has a new last name added to that Brooke Burke. Robin said she's not even sure what her husband is doing now. Howard said they have like 5 kids. Howard said she must like to have a new kid with every relationship she has. He thinks she has like 5.
Howard asked Jon who is on that show because he wants to talk about who he fast forwards through. Robin said the war vet is a good dancer. Howard said you root for him because he got half his face blown off. Robin said he does motivational speaking too. Howard wondered if he gets pussy. Robin said she's not sure. Howard asked if she would go out with him. Robin said she would. She said he's a great guy. Howard said he likes that about Robin.
Robin said she used to take stuff home and she'd have Dennis go through it. Robin said that they stopped giving her stuff to her driver and it hasn't been going on for a long time. Robin said she used to have a system and that has broken down. Gary said he wasn't in on the system so he doesn't know about that.
Gary said he puts stuff in there for Robin so she can go through it. Robin said she would prefer that it be sent home. Howard said that's a huge undertaking so Robin has to go through it there and then have it sent home. Howard said she has to tell people what to do with that stuff. Robin said she was dealing with it the way she was dealing with it. She said they were sending it home and then she'd have someone go through it. Robin said she's the one who didn't ask for it to be sent home so she's taking responsibility for it. Howard said Robin gets so upset sometimes. Robin said she doesn't ask for help and that's one of her failings.
Howard read some email about the whole discussion they had yesterday. People were writing in about how this shows what a mental patient she really is. Howard read some of the notes he got and people said it's unacceptable what she's saying about the whole thing.
Gary told Howard that one of Robin's old interns emailed and said that Robin leaves a half full glass of green drink in the office every day. He wondered what part of the system that is. Robin said she throws it away now. Gary said it wasn't that dirty in there. It was just messy. He said the refrigerator was kind of gross though. He said that he saved some of the stuff in the office. He had some coconut milk that was in there. Robin said he could send that home because she does use it. Howard said he would throw that shit out.
Gary said that there was a lot of liquor in there and people were fighting over that. He said Tracey got a $200 bottle of wine that George Takei gave to Robin 2 years ago. Howard said that's been aging for 2 years in there. Robin said the cork might be dry. Howard said he tried to get something out of the room for himself and he was told that he has enough of his own. He said he was fighting over the Beats headphones. He said he loves those things.
Howard read some email about the Seth Rogen interview. Howard got some positive feedback but there was some negative stuff too. Howard read the positive stuff and one guy was talking about how much he liked hearing about Da Ali G Show behind the scenes stuff. Howard read the negative email he got about Seth's laugh. The guy said he can't stand that laugh so he had to change the channel. Howard said he thinks that Seth is such a stoner that it's a genuine laugh. Howard said he thinks he's high as a kite when he laughs like that. He said the guy seems to be able to function just fine when he's high. Robin said he seems to be a good writer even though he's high. Howard said he's almost like the new Timothy Leary.
Howard said some people liked the new prank call Sal and Richard made where Sal speaks in tongues. Howard said he played that late in the show so he may play that now. Robin said she did notice that Richard wasn't in the call. Howard said he's sure he worked on it though. Howard read a bunch of positive emails about that call and then played the call where Sal calls into a religious show where they speak in tongues and speaks in tongues himself.
After playing the call Howard said the speaking in tongues is just so crazy. He said if you were really speaking in tongues you'd be speaking some language. He said that they don't speak in any language. Howard said it was like Dueling Tongues or something. He said he loved that. He said the boys did a good job with that one. Howard played some audio of Robin speaking in tongues too. Howard said they should call that show back and play the audio of Robin speaking in tongues too.
Howard asked why Robin was doing that. Robin said they were shooting the FOX pilots and she was doing that for a bit they were doing. Robin was speaking French or something. Robin said it was s song she was singing. Howard said Robin did some acting years ago. She was in Fresh Prince of Bel Air and she was in a TV movie of the week called ''Deadly Web.'' Howard asked why she doesn't do that anymore. Robin said she gets offers but the schedules aren't very malleable. Howard said he can see her playing a witch or something.
Robin said she did some research and she found that he was on the top 100 stars at the box office. She said he's not in the top 10 or top 20. She asked Howard if he thinks he's in the top 30. Howard said that he must be. Robin said he's number 96 on the list.
Howard read some of the feedback they got about that argument. Robin corrected herself and said that Brad is actually number 86 on the list. She said the top 10 are kind of surprising. Robin said they're the biggest movie stars. Howard guessed that Shia LaBeouf is on that list. Robin said he's not in the top 10. Robin said this list is pretty recent.
Howard guessed that Harrison Ford was on the list. Robin said he is number 5. She said Arnold Schwarzenegger is not in the top 10. Tom Cruise was number 8.
Ralph called in and said that Brad Pitt is a movie star and Robin just proved it herself. Howard said he would go see a movie with Brad Pitt in it so he must be a movie star. Robin said the list was from a web site called Numbers.
Robin said she still thinks that he's less of a star than they think he is. Robin said Tom Cruise is in crap movies that still make money. Robin said that he's a name and it's just the name that makes money. Robin said Howard is going to be shocked by the top 10. She said the number guy is Frank Welker, then there's Samuel L. Jackson who has gotten into the Star Wars movies. Robin said Tom Hanks is in there too. Robin said you have to rise up to be a star. She said John Ratzenberger is the next guy in there.
Ralph said that Howard's photography is really good. He said he was showing him some of his stuff last night and it was really good. Robin made the kissing sound like Ralph was kissing his ass. Ralph said he thinks Howard has a good eye and he's doing really well.
Ralph said he saw that Christa Miller had changed her picture on Twitter and it turns out Howard took that picture. Robin said Ralph could have told him this in private. She said he was calling in to kiss his ass. Howard said he saw some of his work and he called in to say he liked it. He said he told him that in private too. Howard said Robin seems to be very jealous this morning. Robin just laughed and said ''Oh my...''
Robin said she has seen Brad Pitt movies but she really doesn't think of him as a movie star. Ralph said she told him that Harrison Ford wasn't a movie star either. Robin said she didn't say that. She said that Harrison was just incredibly lucky.
Howard said he thinks a lot of this new energy is because she needs romance. He said she should go out with that J.R. guy on Dancing with the Stars. Howard told Gary to call him up and ask him to go out with Robin.
Ralph said Chaz is really bizarre looking. Howard said he can't grow that beard above the jaw. He said it's almost like a beard scarf. He said he has to lose some weight. Howard said he looks at him sometimes and thinks that he's a woman with a beard. Like the bearded lady. He said sometimes he sees a guy and sometimes he sees a girl.
Howard said he talks to his kids on iChat and his daughter was asking what's going on with the Chaz thing. He said that his daughter is very tolerant and she was saying it must be really confusing for her mom. Howard said she doesn't even know that Cher is her mom. Howard said he thinks that Cher messes up calling her ''she'' and Chaz gets upset. Howard said that his kids get mad at him for screwing up. He said that he'll screw up a name of one of their friends and they freak out. He said that they say he doesn't know them or anything about them. He said that they wonder what the point is. Howard said he will screw up and mispronounce the name ''Adele'' and they'll flip out on him. Howard said anything he says is wrong.
Howard and Ralph talked more about Chaz and how he takes his shirt off now that he's had those breasts removed. Howard said it's just weird.
Gary told Howard that this list Robin has is so flawed. Robin said it's like tennis rankings. Gary said it is not. Robin said he doesn't get what tennis rankings are. Gary read some of the names on the list and said that some of these people are not movie stars. Robin said that these people have to break through to the top and that's what they have to go through. robins said Tom Hanks is at the top because he really performs at the box office.
Howard said he's going to make it simple. He said that Brad Pitt is a movie star. Gary said that Frank Oz and Stan Lee are on the list. He said that they're not movie stars. Robin said that you have to have all of these things to be a movie star. Ralph wondered if she goes out on dates and talks like this. Robin said she's been out with Ralph and he knows she doesn't talk about this. Howard said that Robin isn't like this on a date. He just wants every man out there to know that.
Ralph mentioned that Robin takes like a week to get back to him when he emails her. Gary said Robin is the only person he knows who has an email box that's full all the time. Robin said that doesn't happen all the time. Howard said she's doing that so she doesn't have to go out with Ralph. Howard said that's what that means. He said she's not interested in going out with him. He said Ralph should wise up. He said he's not at the top of her list. Ralph said he doesn't expect to be.
Ralph read the email he got from Robin where she explained why she didn't get back to him. She blamed her switch from Blackberry to iPhone. Howard said Ralph isn't on the top of her priority list. Robin said she just saw some email from Alison Norris that she missed too. Howard said Robin just isn't interested in Ralph.
Ralph and Howard talked more about the photography and how impressed Ralph was. Howard said he's still learning. Robin said Ralph was just kissing ass. Ralph said he can't even say something positive on the show. Robin said Howard does everything well. Howard said Ralph must be softening him up for something. Howard said Ralph does want him to shoot something for his app. Ralph said it's for Champion Magazine for the iPad. Robin said she knew he was up to something. She said he wants a photography session. Ralph said that they wouldn't hire him if he wasn't good.
Howard said this entire hour has been nonsense. He said he had to take a break. Howard said he'd get to phone calls in a minute.
Howard came back and asked what song that was. Fred and Robin knew what it was. Howard said they must have gotten together thanks ''The Voice.'' Howard asked what Adam Levine needed Christina for. He said he's doing just fine with the song himself. Howard said he doesn't feel she's doing her part in the song. Howard said the music business is horrible. He said it's hard to figure out what people are into.
Howard said he was playing that Lou Reed and Metallica stuff earlier. He said that Richard gave him some tape of a guy he knows who is a paranoid schizophrenic and it doesn't sound all that different than the Lou Reed stuff.
Howard replayed the Metallica and Lou Reed song and said Lou is really out there. He said maybe this song isn't finished yet. Then he played Richard's buddy and he does something similar to Lou Reed. He just talks over some music playing in the background. Howard said it's really not that different and he's not kidding.
Howard said they took that guy into the studio and gave him some Klingon sayings to say. He played that clip too and then told Richard to take that guy and have him call that religious show with the speaking in tongues thing.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. He asked Jon how things are going for him. Jon said that everyone hates him so things are going good. He said that they dig into things and they get attitude. He didn't want to throw anyone under the bus but Scott DePace had an incident in college so they asked about that and Scott wasn't too happy about them digging. Howard said that's the dumbest thing he's heard. Scott said he had a college party and he was asking for money to cover the costs and an undercover cop came in and arrested them.
Scott said that he had this on his record and lost a job because he had a felony on his record. Howard said that's some dumb shit to get stuck with. Howard asked if he was a cocaine dealer in college too. Scott said that's bull crap. Jon said they're still digging so they'll get back to Howard on that.
Scott said he wasn't upset with Jon. He said he answered all of his questions. Jon said that no one is immune and they're going after everyone.
Jon said that Raven Alexis was in there riding the Sybian a while back but she's got late stage cancer that has spread to her brain. She was the one who rode the Sybian with Dave Lampert. Jon said she's taken time off and she's spending time with her family. Jon said that she was feeling rundown and found out that she had cancer in the liver that had spread to her brain. Howard said this cancer is happening to young people and it's not fair. Jon said that she's in her 20s. Howard said he heard that people are dying from the spray they use for bedbugs. He said that they have to bring back DDT to get rid of these things.
Howard said he was eating a piece of candy and saw the ingredients. He said that he figures they're full of chemicals and they can't be good for you. He said we're doing the wrong thing.
Howard asked if Raven would come back in for one more Sybian ride. Jon said that she has stage 4 cancer so the prognosis isn't good. He said that she's trying to stay positive though. Howard said that's a shocker. He said that she's the one who did the ''Get the poison out'' with Dave Lampert. Howard said they should replay that ride. Fred said he'd try to find it.
Jon said that they're running another piece today about the outpouring of support for her after the report they ran yesterday. Howard said a girl in her 20s that looks like that having cancer just isn't fair.
Howard said the Howard TV guys had the video of her Sybian ride. Howard had them play that for a minute. Dave Lampert was telling her to just ''let it go'' and things like that. Howard cut it off when it got graphic.
Howard asked Jon what else he had. Jon said that Big Foot has some problems with the law up in Vermont. He has gotten into trouble with his neighbors. Jon said he's also hired a live in house keeper and she claims that he's rescued her by giving her a place to live. Howard said the guy is on public assistance. Jon said that he's helping with employment even though he's on assistance.
Jon said they also have an Andy Dick update. He said that he was on a web site saying he was not anti-Semitic and he was also saying that Howard might have been jealous about how well his show did on iTunes after he was off of Sirius. Howard said he was never anti-Semitic or gay or anything like that. He said Andy is an embarrassment wherever he goes. He said it's sad quite frankly. He said that he can do whatever he wants out there. Howard said he's an embarrassment.
Howard said Andy tried to call him. He told Gary he's not interested. He said he's really not. Howard said he's more interested in Big Foot's case than Andy's. He said they once called Big Foot with tapes of Big Foot and he was arguing with himself. Howard said that's the guy who needs his help, not Andy Dick. Howard played that call where they had Big Foot arguing with himself.
Howard said he could listen to that all day. He said that they should just play that call for the judge and the judge will let him go.
Jon said they learned that Wendy the Retard has had her benefits cut by 11 percent because she had some winnings from the Stern Show. They reduced the benefits for a year and she won't be able to buy kitty litter and lottery tickets because of that. Howard said that means they can't help her because her benefits will go down even more.
Jon said they have a new web site where people can start petitions and one of the things is a petition to proclaim Benjy Bronk as handsome. So far Benjy only has 45 signatures but he needs 5,000.
Jon said that Riley Martin has changed the format of the show so he's not taking phone calls anymore. He will take email instead. Jon said they found that if you email Eron then the emails get bounced back so there is no way to contact Riley's show. Howard said he hopes they work that out.
Howard let Jon go and mentioned the ''I'm the Biggest Whore'' contest they have and how they're still looking for entrants. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he ever uses a vibrator on Beth. Howard said they're not really into that so it doesn't happen much.
Another caller said he's tired of Bobo calling in and going over that list of things he has all the time. He said it seems phony and fake. He said he's tired of it. Howard said no more Bobo then. Robin said Bobo just leaped off a bridge. Howard took a call from Bobo and Bobo said that he loves everything about the show. He said that he's an extreme fan and no one has ever heard of this guy who called in. He said that he can screw off.
The other caller, Al, said that he saw Beth in a magazine and she looked amazing. He said of course she looks amazing, she's a model. Bobo said this guy is jealous because Howard picks up his calls and not this guy Al's calls. Bobo said he can go back to his boring life. Bobo said that makes him so much better than him. Al said he has a job. Bobo said he had a career and worked almost 38 years and he's retired now. He said he was proud of what he did too. Al said Bobo is putting him down now. Bobo said he's defending himself. Bobo said that he's a Superfan and that's what Superfans do. Bobo said he mixes his calls up too and he isn't predictable. Al said he was.
Howard let Al and Bobo go at it for a couple of minutes without saying a word. Al and Bobo went over their history of listening to the show and Al continued to say that everyone is sick of hearing his calls. Bobo said maybe other people like his calls and hearing him promoting Howard TV and things like that. Bobo said he has people tell him the love his phone calls. Al said he does the same thing every time though. Bobo said that's part of the show. He said if you love something on the show then you comment on it. Bobo said he loves the show so he's going to say what he feels.
Al asked Bobo why he showed up at the hospital when his wife was having a baby. Bobo said that's what a Superfan does. He said he knows not to cross the line. He said he was overly excited and went to the hospital. He said he didn't do anything. He just said hello and left. He said Dominic Barbara was there that day too. Bobo said that's what people do. Al said it's a little obsessive. Bobo said he has a shrine and dedicated it to Howard. That's how much he loves the show. Howard was chuckling as these two were going at it.
Bobo said he worked his ass off for 38 years and Howard helped get him through some rough times. He said he listens to the show and works a few days a month. Al said he idolizes Howard too but his point is that Bobo's calls are boring. Bobo said they're just boring to him. He said other people think that his calls are good.
Howard asked Robin who was out of line. Robin said they were both scoring points. Howard said he liked some of what each of them were saying. Howard let them get back to their argument but then cut them off again after a second. Howard said that he doesn't think that Al convinced Bobo not to call in anymore. Bobo said it was just one person's opinion. He said that Howard doesn't get a ton of complaints about him. He said he hasn't heard about emails coming in asking to get rid of him.
Bobo said maybe Al is jealous. Howard said other than that horrible toupee he's got a great life. Bobo said he does. He said he has a house by the water. Al said he's only 29 years old so he hasn't had time to work up to that stuff. He said he's sure that Bobo has earned it all. Al said he works in TV but he won't way where. He said he's in production. Howard had to wrap it up with those two.
Bobo said he didn't think that Whitney Cummings show was all that funny. He said the best thing about it was her nurse's outfit. Howard asked Al what he thinks. Al said that she was a guest on the show and this is the first time he's said anything negative on the show. He said it's weird because Bobo doesn't do that. Bobo said he doesn't know the show very well then. Al said he thinks he's pulling this out of his had because of what he just said.
Howard said he didn't see Whitney's show. Robin said she did. She said she's on the fence. She said she saw the other show that she's got in production, Two Broke Girls, and it's very funny. Howard said he thinks that Whitney is very funny and she's very attractive. He said that he hasn't seen her in her nurse's outfit. Bobo said that the show was okay but it wasn't laugh out loud funny. He said he'll give it another chance though.
Howard thanked Bobo for the call and let him go. Al said a few more words and said he hopes that Artie is doing well. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said that was quite a waste of time. He said he never would have thought that he'd be doing that when he was working at WRNW. Howard said that was not a highlight. He went to break after that.
Howard brought up a George Harrison movie that's being made. He said Martin Scorsese did that and he's looking forward to seeing it. Howard said the guy picks some good bands. He did that Rolling Stones movie too. Howard said that George Harrison has a son who is living in the shadow of his father. Howard said it must be rough when you want to make your own music. He said that Bob Dylan's son was able to do that for a short time.
Howard said he likes the new logo they have in the studio. He said he likes the new studio look too. Howard said he likes the background behind him and some of the other stuff there. Howard said he heard that Scott the Engineer wasn't in the video mural he has behind him. He said he heard that Scott wasn't upset but other people thought he was upset. Howard tried to find him in the video but he wasn't seeing him. He saw everyone else. Howard asked who someone was in the mural. DePace said it was no one from the show. Howard said he saw Jason with his back hair. DePace told Howard where Scott the Engineer was. He was near the SiriusXM logo. Howard finally found him. He said he won't be able to look at anyone else in there now.
Howard said he hasn't been following Conan O'Brien's ratings but he heard they're horrible. Howard said his ego must be pretty shot now. Howard said he didn't watch that special they had about his tour either. He said he couldn't bring himself to watch it.
Howard said that they say Conan's ratings are bad on TV but he's popular online. Howard said that's how TBS is spinning it. Howard said that's like Soupy Sales saying that he was number one in the cars. Howard said maybe that's what management old Soupy. Howard said he thinks Conan is about 3 months from being canceled.
Howard said he thinks Conan is done if he gets fired. Howard said he doesn't think that he'll get another chance. Robin said it took Regis a long time to get a hit show. Howard said he feels bad for Regis. He said he was getting grilled by Cloris Leachman on his show yesterday. Howard said his ratings are good and they're not keeping him around.
Howard played the audio of Regis talking to Cloris and telling her that he's moving on. Regis said he hasn't decided on anything yet. He said he's not sure what he's going to be doing next. Cloris asked if he's looking forward to it. Regis said he's not sure.
Howard said the whole thing is weird. He said Regis has a hit show and he gets ratings but they're apparently not paying him what he wants. Howard said Cloris was right asking what was going on. He said that Regis should just talk. Robin said maybe he's not allowed to say. Howard said he should just say that then. He thought that was supposed to be what they do on that show. Howard said he was going to ask Regis the other day about it but he feels funny about it. Howard said he's friendly with Regis and Joy but he felt funny asking about it. Howard said he could just go up and ask him about it but he's not an asshole off the air. He doesn't want to bother the guy.
Howard asked Jon Hein if Regis' ratings are going down. Howard said he's not sure about the details. Jon came in and said that the ratings have dropped a little bit but not that much. He said they're syndicated and he's not gone because of ratings. Jon said that he thinks that he's gone because of money. He said Regis got rid of his agent after all of this went down so something must have gone wrong. Howard said if he's still working at 80 then there's something really wrong with him. He said Regis didn't get started until late in his career and maybe this is just pissing him off.
Robin said she thinks that he might be getting forced out of this. He said that they might be feeling the breath of Hoda and Kathie Lee on the back of their necks. Howard said ''Ugh'' when he heard that description.
Howard got back to Conan and read about how they're pitching his online popularity to advertisers. Howard said they're giving it a spin to try and make money with the show and this is their last shot.
Jon said he got the ratings from September 12th for Conan's show. He told Howard to guess what they were. Howard said he thinks that they have maybe 5-6 million a day listening to his show. He said he's guessing on the low side for that.
Jon said that Leno for that week had 3.8 million viewers. The Daily Show had 1.5 viewers. Conan had 700,000 viewers. Howard said he should have a million or million and a half. He asked what George Lopez had when he was on in that time slot. Jon said it was about half a million. He said he doesn't think George cost them that much though. He said TBS put a lot of money into Conan's show. He said this spin of him being popular on the web is kind of nuts.
Howard said this is like Imus claiming he has big ratings. He said he never had to do that himself. Howard got back to Conan and read more about this spin TBS is putting on his show. Howard said poor Conan got fucked up. Robin said Jay Leno is still screwing him. Howard said he told Conan to stay where he was and just stick with it as long as possible. Howard said he didn't get why he was doing that to himself moving to the Tonight Show slot. He said he should have been a TV executive. Howard said he would have told Conan to stay at that slot. He said he wasn't beating Craig Ferguson so he shouldn't have been given that Tonight Show slot.
Howard said FOX even offered Conan a mega deal and he turned that down. He said NBC came to Conan and convinced him to stick around and take over for Leno. Howard said they promised him that slot and Conan turned down the FOX deal. Howard said guys in show business are stupid. He said most of the agents out there are morons too.
Howard said his agent is smarter than he is. Howard said there aren't many out there who are smarter than him but Don is. He said the two of them together make intelligent decisions. Howard said he would recommend Don to anyone. He said most agents are morons. Howard said if he were Conan's agent he would have told him he wasn't that great and he should have taken the money from FOX. He said he should use his brains.
Howard said he thinks that Conan will end up going to Dick Cavett land and do something like that. Howard said he likes Dick but he never did get his show. Howard said he had a special where Mel Brooks was interviewed and Dick drones on about himself the whole time. Howard said Mel wasn't able to get a word in with Dick. Howard said the show was very hard to watch. He said that Mel Brooks had to ask Dick to say Chico Marx the right way and Dick goes into an explanation about the way to say the name. Howard said it was droning on and on. He said Dick had some good stories but the show was supposed to be for Mel Brooks.
Howard said Dick had a funny story about Chico Marx but he should have moved it along. Fred did some of his impression of Dick Cavett and Howard tried doing it too. He was telling the story about Chico that he found kind of interesting. Howard said the story was good but he had other stories that weren't so good.
Howard said if he were Conan's people he would have told him not to take that Tonight Show gig. Howard said you have to say no to things. He said that he's turned down a lot of projects and people would be surprised at what he has turned down. Howard said there are a lot of people out there who don't say no to anything. Howard jokingly said that he turned down Catwoman in the new Batman movie.
Howard said he thought Dick Cavett had died but he apparently didn't. Fred said he thinks that his house burned down in he middle of remodeling it. Howard said he thought he was remodeling that house for many years.
Howard said that he has been offered huge money to go out and do stand-up comedy. Howard said that's a really hard thing to do. He said he doesn't want to stand in front of people and wait for them to laugh at him. He said guys who do that develop that skill their whole life. Howard said that's why so many of these shows they get fail.
Howard said early on in his career he saw Robert Klein and he's one of the funniest guys around. Howard said he remembers hearing people whispering during the show. He heard one guy whisper that Howard Stern was 10 times funnier than Robert Klein. Howard said he remembers thinking that's just not true. He said Robert Klein is a genius. Howard said standing there talking to people is hard. He said so many guys don't understand that about their own careers. He said they don't care about sucking.
Howard said he thinks Jeff Bridges is brilliant. He said he didn't need to put out a music album. Howard said he could do that at home and not subject everyone else to it. He said it lessens you. Howard said Robert De Niro gets into other things but not into music. He might open a restaurant or something. Howard said he thought De Niro was supposed to call into the show but they weren't there. Gary said he was available on a Thursday and they weren't there that day. Howard said he'd really like to talk to him. He said it appears that he's not a good interview but he thinks they just don't talk to him about the right things. Howard asked Robin if De Niro is a movie star. Robin said he's an actor.
Debbie said that she's trying to help pets out now and she found this French Bulldog and she tried to get her help for a hernia. She said that everyone got attached to her dog and she doesn't have money for the vet bill. She said that no one wants to donate to her because no one likes her anyway. She was wondering if she should try to find her a home. Howard said she should try to find the dog a home. Debbie said the dog is cute and she wants to get it help. Howard said she brings up a good point. He said they have so many medical problems with these bulldogs. Howard said his dog needs constant help.
Howard asked Debbie if she considers Brad Pitt a movie star. Debbie said of course he is. She asked why he would ask her that. Robin said that people just know Brad Pitt because of his marriage to Angelina Jolie. Howard asked Debbie if she thinks Captain Sully is a hero. Debbie was in one of her rambling rants so she didn't even hear that question. Howard said he would help her if anyone contacts them about helping her dog out. Howard said Debbie has a good heart. He let her go a short time later.
Speech Impediment Man called in and said that he thinks he wants to bang Debbie. He said if she just shut up she'd be a good bang. Speech asked Howard if he was ever high when he banged a ''pig'' in college. Howard said he's no beauty himself. He said that of course he was high on things in college. He said he wasn't always high but there were times when he was that he banged a pig. Speech asked what his drug of choice was. Howard said it was quaaludes. Robin said this is all known stuff. Howard was going to let him go but Speech said he has other things to say. He wanted to plug a movie he had coming out. Howard let him do that and said he has to be kidding. He said it must be something he shot on a video camera.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to Debbie using Vinnie Favale's ''I love you Debbie'' tapes. They had Debbie screaming at the clips. She said he was going to jail for that.
King of All Blacks called in and asked why they don't just put a dog to sleep if it has all of these problems. Howard said that the dog isn't in that bad a shape. He said that she just has eye infections and things. He said that he's not going to put her down just for that. He said there are a lot of nagging medical issues but they're not lift threatening.
Mariann called in and said that Robin has to stop picking on Howard. She said that Robin is hoarding and she has cats and she needs to find a man. She said she's been really negative. Robin thanked her for the input.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say that he liked George on the show last week. He said he's always entertaining. He also said that he likes Bobo's calls. He said he's speaking for all listeners.
Howard said he had some audio of Daniel Carver's thoughts on 9/11. He played that and Daniel was saying that we have to get rid of anyone who isn't American. He said that the Jews are the problem and they're behind terrorism. He said that anything evil is run by the Jews. He said that they should ask Howard about that and he'll tell the truth about that. Howard said he thinks Daniel is a bit off on that one. He said they might not need to hear from him in a long while after that.
Howard said they get 30-50 songs a day about Robin. He said that all of the regulars send in their songs and then they get others. He said they don't even have time to play them all. He played one of Mikey's songs that came in recently. Howard played some of Eli Braden's many songs that he's been sending in. He said he had about 20 to play. He said he had ''In Robin's Butt'' and ''Chest So Great'' and a bunch of other Beatles parodies.
Howard said that Cowboy Jeff did a Beatles parody too (Where She Pees). Howard played that one and asked Robin if she wanted to hear more. Robin said they're being imposed upon her and she's not asking to hear more.
Howard said he saw that Yoko Ono is on the top of the dance charts again. He said it's like some cosmic joke that's being played. Howard said he tried to listen to the song that's on the charts. He knew what her original song sounded like. He played some of that and said that it really wasn't so good. Howard said any rational person would say that it was nonsense. Howard said some guy took that song and turned it into a dance song. Howard said ''quite frankly'' and he realized that he does say it too much. He said he got a complaint from a fan who said he was saying it too much. Howard said he was sorry about that and he'd try to control it. Howard said he didn't know he was doing it so much.
Howard got back to Yoko and said that she is so lucky that this guy took her song and turned it into a hit. He said she's not even in the song that much. He said he'd defy anyone to find her in it. Howard played the song and there were some samples of her in there but they edited it into something that barely sounded like her. Howard said that song is number 1.
Howard said he's not really into that kind of music but some people must dance to it. He said that might be something JD would dance to. Howard tired to dance to it and had JD come in and show him what to do. JD came in and said he's not sure what to do to that song. He said that he only has one dance move so he demonstrated for Howard. Howard tried to do it but Fred said he looked like a pirate. Robin said Howard was too exaggerated with his arm. JD was doing a better job with it according to Robin.
Howard asked JD if he liked that song. JD said he liked the beat but it was ''too... uhhhh...'' Howard said he is so inarticulate. Howard said they asked him a question on the Wrap Up Show and he didn't have an answer. Howard played the clip where JD was talking about keeping his office clean and tried to explain how he takes ''full blame'' for his office mess. He was going for ''responsibility.'' Howard said it must be hard for JD to communicate and he feels sorry for him.
Howard said it must be painful for JD when he's at a party trying to talk to someone. JD said it can be tough. Howard said he has problems. JD said he's just not very talkative. Howard said he's kind of witty in email. He said he has a lot of good thoughts in there but he just can't get them out. Howard asked JD if he really thinks about his Tweets and types them out very carefully. JD said he does. He said you can find those Tweets @JDHarm on Twitter.
Howard played more of the interview Wolfie did with that guy in the mask. Howard seems to enjoy hearing guys talking through those masks. Howard did his impression of the guy and goofed on him for a minute about living at home.
Howard said that the more obscure these movies are the more these guys want to be those characters. The guys Wolfie was interviewing were from ''The Strangers'' and Robin said that one is really obscure.
Howard played more of the interview and Wolfie was asking what their parents think about what they do and things like that.
Wolfie asked who they were there to meet. One of the guys said he was there to meet Casper Van Dien. Howard said that guy was in Starship Troopers. The guys were all nervous meeting that guy. Howard said he can't imagine anyone who would be nervous meeting that guy.
Howard played another one where Wolfie asked a guy about how much his outfit cost and things like that. The guy said that his outfit was about a thousand bucks.
Howard said he heard that she ate out at the Golden Corral the other night. Wendy said they paid for it. She said she didn't pay for her food.
Wendy said that she bowled a 156 and her friend bowled a 146. She said she did that without bumpers. Howard didn't believe that for a minute. Howard asked who does the scoring. She said the coach does it. She said he's retarded too. Howard said there's no way she can bowl a 156. Howard said she can't be coordinated enough.
Howard asked Wendy what 8 pins plus 6 pins is. Wendy said it's 26. Howard said no wonder she bowled a 156. Howard asked why Howard TV hasn't filmed her bowling. Howard said he'd like to see her break a 100. Howard said he'd watch a show of retarded bowling if it was a weekly show. Howard said they should do that. Howard said that it's like a reality show that would be different every week because you never know who is going to win.
Howard said he could watch that all day long. He asked Doug if he could do it. Doug said he'll shoot someone down to shoot it. He said maybe they can coach her and have Scott the Engineer go down. Howard said he just wants to see them bowl.
Howard asked Wendy how many pins she can knock down. Wendy said she has knocked down 10 at a time and she has gotten a bunch of spares. Howard said he really would watch this. He asked if he's nuts. He was creating the scene making it up as Fred was playing bowling sounds.
Wendy said she dropped a ball on her foot. Howard said he imagines her picking her ass with her finger and smelling it and then putting it in her vagina. Howard was doing the commentary for the game while Fred played the sound effects. Wendy's phone was cutting out so it wasn't working too well.
Howard said that today's bowling game was brought to you by Planned Parenthood. He said that it was also Trojan condoms, birth control pills, the coil and more. Howard said he could have Beetlejuice involved too.
Howard said he was sorry but he wasn't able to hear Wendy. Wendy said she was sorry that she was moving her cans around. She said that she really needs help. Howard told her not to use bowling pins as tampons. Wendy said that her mom told her that only Howard can help her out with money. She said that her mom owes her money but she can't pay her until she gets rich again. Wendy said that they've been eating out of dumpsters again too.
Howard asked Wendy if she has ever let a man put anything into her vagina. She said she hasn't. She said that she was thinking about adopting a child though. Howard said that's another show for Howard TV. He said he'll have Doug get in touch with her about those shows. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked Robin if they should have Tareq Salahi in to talk about his wife running off with the guy from Journey. Robin said they could have him in. Howard said maybe he'll just give him to Lisa G to interview. Howard said the wife is kind of hot. Gary said she's cute. Howard said he's not sure if he wants to spend a whole interview with the guy. Gary said he seems pretty interesting. Howard said he's not sure he cares about him. Robin said they were reality TV stars. Howard said he'd be bummed if his wife ran away with the guitarist from Journey. That guy just got married this past summer and then he ran off with this woman. Howard said he's not sure anyone would care.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They talked about some of the stuff he brought up. He mentioned Ralph and the ''ass kissing'' that he gave Howard. Howard said Ralph really seemed to have a shift yesterday when he saw his photographs. Robin said maybe if she had seen that then she'd get why he did it. Howard said he's going to show Robin the photographs and he'll see how she reacts to it. Howard said Ralph is an artist himself so he was just recognizing the art there. Robin said he was over the top this morning.
Jon went through some of the other stuff they were going to talk about. They talked about Bobo's argument with Al the caller. Gary said Bobo's arguments weren't all that great. He said he still thinks Bobo is crazy. Fred said he thought Bobo was winning until the caller brought up the time Bobo went to the hospital when Howard's daughter was born. Howard said he forgot about that.
Benjy said the caller was saying Bobo wasn't interesting but he was interesting today. Howard didn't get what Benjy said. He zoned out in that sentence. Howard told Jon to continue with Benjy on the Wrap Up Show.
Jon mentioned the Conan O'Brien discussion they had today and Howard went off on that again. Howard said Conan is nuts and he's self destructive. Jon wrapped up with a few more subjects that they'd be covering.
Howard said Robin freaked out on her way to the operating room. Robin said she freaked out when someone asked her if she had done her morning prayers. Robin said she realized she had opted for elective surgery. She said they hardly took anything out anyway. She said that she wanted them small but the doctor told her that they were smaller and she shouldn't worry. Robin said she was sleeping when the doctor made his decision not to take out more. She said that he decided that her chest wall wasn't large enough for a C-cup.
Robin got to her news and read a story about Pizza Hut introducing a cheaper pizza. Howard said that's the worst pizza in the world. Robin said that people have stoped going out to eat because of the economy. Howard said it's their pizza, not the economy. He said school pizza is better than Pizza Hut pizza.
Howard said he doesn't go to Burger King or McDonald's for health reasons but their food tastes good. He said their stuff is awesome. He said he's not sure how Pizza Hut can legally call their stuff ''pizza.'' Robin read about the reduced price pizza they have and how some other fast food places are reducing their prices as well.
Howard said he had some carvel cake the other night. He said he must have eaten half the cake himself. He said it was their Fudgie the Whale cake.
Robin said that the man who created Doritos is dead. Robin said his family is going to give him a big send off. Howard said he thought that Doritos was a rip off of Fritos. Gary said that he heard this guy brought the idea back from Mexico and made a huge thing out of it. Howard wondered if he had a lot of money. Howard said he must be worth a fortune. Robin said the family says his last wish is to have Doritos sprinkled on his grave. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said that's the way to make money though. Gary told Howard that the guy was working for Frito Lay when he came up with the idea. He may not have been worth a lot of money.
Robin read about a contest Doritos has going on where you can win a spot in the Super Bowl commercials. Robin said that the person can win a million bucks. Howard said he may have to enter that.
Robin said that Charlie Sheen's deal with Warner Brothers is done but the details will not be disclosed. Howard said that show is a really lucrative thing. Robin said she watched the second episode of Two and a Half Men and Ashton Kutcher is charming. Howard said Charlie really blew it with that. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:55am, Robin read a story about a woman who was in The L Word who got kicked off a Southwest airlines flight because she was kissing her girlfriend. Robin read the details about that.
Howard said Kirstie Alley is looking really good these days. He said that she's thin again and she's looking good for someone in her 60s. Howard said that's good for her. He thought she was going to balloon up after Dancing with the Stars. He said he may have to take up dancing himself.
Robin read about the court case for the doctor who is accused of accidentally killing Michael Jackson. Robin read some details about that. Howard said that whole story is crazy. He said Jackson was a real mess. Robin said it does seem like he was a mess at the end.
Robin read about Ellen Degeneres having some chest pains yesterday but she's doing fine today. Howard said he thinks she's nuts. Howard said she's had some pretty wacky behavior. Howard said he'd like to hear her 9-1-1 call. He said they do release them to the media so he'd love to hear that one.
Robin read about this woman who is known as the Millionaire Matchmaker. Howard said it sounds like the ramblings of a lunatic on this Bravo show where she was asked about matchmaking. She was saying that gay people are never monogamous. Howard said she said something about Jewish men being liars and things like that too. Howard said he had the tape of her saying all of this. He played it for Robin. Robin had more details about what she said. Howard had some more clips too. The woman was saying that Jewish men lie. Howard said she's a moron. He asked why she would issue an apology. Robin said she was saying that her beliefs were not the network's beliefs. Howard said she's a big dope.
Robin had some audio of Pat Boone talking about how the President was born in Kenya and he has proof. He said he was there and someone told him they were present at his birth. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how some gamers have made it possible to come up with some complex stuff that scientists worked on for 15 years. Robin had audio of a guy talking about how this ''folding'' project works. Robin said that these people played this game until this thing was figured out
Robin had some audio of Herman Cain and said that he won the debate in Orlando this week.
Robin read about how the government has come close to another shutdown but they came to an agreement so it wouldn't happen.
Robin had some audio of a heckler at an Obama press conference. Howard played that and said they should take that guy and call that religious show that Sal and Richard called.
Robin read about Ron Paul who is trying to let the world know that he's an electable candidate. Robin sad that he has been saying that he always ranks high in the poles. He was on the Daily Show talking about that last night. Howard said the guy seems to be solid with his stance on things.
Robin read about how President Bush was saying that he would vote for whoever his party picks to run in 2012.
Robin said the Washington Monument has been closed since August and they're doing more inspections to find out what problems they have after the earthquake caused some damage. Robin said they have to fix an elevator in there too.
Robin read about how Governor Chris Christie from New Jersey is thinking about a Presidential run. Howard said he needs to actually do some running. Howard said the guy is pretty big. Howard said they thought this guy Rick Perry was going to be a winner but people aren't too happy with him so far. Howard said the guy has some kooky thoughts on things. Howard said Christie has gotten some shit done for New Jersey so maybe he would be good. Howard said he should run if they're just going to hand it to him.
Robin read about how Mitt Romney went to meet with Donald Trump the other day. Howard said he has become quite a power broker. Howard said he goes to Trump for his views on who the hottest women are. He wadi he has a big opinion on all of that.
Robin read about how they're trying to get these bullying laws passed. She said that there are kids who kill themselves over bullying and parents are upset about what goes on in schools. Howard said he's cyber bullied all the time when he Tweets. He said the solution is to just not go online. Robin said that this 14 year old kid was a big Lady Gaga fan and he left a final message on her web site before he killed himself.
Robin read about this Black Shelton guy who is on The Voice. She said he's on the new Footloose soundtrack. Howard said he's so lucky. Robin had some audio of his remake of the Footloose theme song.
Ralph called in and asked Howard if he could ever vote for Chris Christie because he's so obese. He said that it shows poor judgment. Howard said he could vote for a guy that heavy. Howard said it might make him more human. He said it shows he has problems. Robin said he does look like the country. Howard said guys like that work really hard and don't eat well or exercise. Robin said he's rich and could hire someone to feed him properly. Ralph said the guy is gigantic though. Howard said he could still vote for him and overlook it. Howard said Rick Perry is out of his mind and he has some really wacky thoughts in his head. He said he looks like a movie star though. Howard said he thinks he could vote for Chris Christie.
Robin read about a ship wreck that was found and it was full of silver. Robin said they're going to try to recover 7 million ounces of silver in this boat. Robin said it would be the largest known precious metal salvage in history. Robin said it's not clear who owns it though. They ended the show after that. It was around 10:25am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Robin and her stance on Brad Pitt. He said that she was also going off on Ralph and his ''ass kissing'' today. He asked Gary if there's something out of the ordinary going on there. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said that she just doesn't like to admit she's wrong and she doesn't just say that she understands when someone explains something to her. Gary also brought up that list Robin had of ''movie stars'' and how no one is going to a movie to see Stan Lee as an actor but he was higher on the list than Brad Pitt.
Jon said Robin thinks that she knows movie stars and she doesn't think Brad Pitt is a big star. Gary said he wonders what she has against Brad Pitt. Gary said there are other stars who are in that similar category and he's not sure why she's so upset with him. Benjy said that she seems to think he doesn't put asses in seats.
Gary said Brad hasn't had any great movies lately but he was in a bunch of good ones. He said no one is perfect. He said even Tom Cruise has made some shitty movies. Gary said Brad gets a lot of covers but he may not bring people to the theaters.
Jon said that Robin was also saying that the room that was a mess yesterday is something she doesn't consider her office. She considers it the place that she works. Gary said he found that very odd.
Gary said he cleaned up that area yesterday and took the stuff out of the room. He said that Benjy was trying to put the stuff back in there. Benjy said he was just kidding. Gary said he knows that. Jon said that there were some people in the back who were upset that all of the stuff was gone by the time they were let back there.
Gary said there was almost nothing of value back there. He said there were the headphones that went to Ralph and a bottle of wine that went to Tracey. Jason got a bottle of Tequila that Jason got but that was about it. There were some Teddy bears back there too but there wasn't much of value.
Jon moved on to talk about Ralph telling Howard how great his photography was and how Robin reacted to that. Gary said he's not sure what's going on with them lately. They had to go to break after that.
Bobo was on the phone so Jon picked up and asked how that whole thing came about. Bobo said he called Gary and told him he was the one who was at the hospital. Benjy wanted to know how long he was an extreme fan before he let Howard know he was the one at the hospital. Bobo said he told Howard it was shortly after he was at the hospital that he told Howard about it. Bobo said it may have been 7 months or so.
Jon said that the other caller, Al, was saying that Bobo is very predictable and that's why he's not a good caller. Gary said that Bobo will pick a topic that will get him on the air rather than something he wants to talk about. Bobo said that it's all about getting on the air so he does do that. He said that he wants to be on the air so he does that.
Jon asked Bobo what the difference is between an extreme fan and a stalker. Bobo said he didn't cross any lines by going to the hospital. He said that he told Security that he was Howard Stern's brother and they let him walk right up. Gary said he doesn't think he's a stalker because he did that one time but he totally crossed the line. He lied an said he was Howard's brother. That's the most private time for a man and a woman to have a child and he did cross the line. Bobo said he's an extreme fan and that's an extreme thing.
Bobo said he didn't stick around and get dragged out of there. Gary said he could have been dragged out though. Gary said he was the only fan there. Bobo said he listens to the show very carefully and he knew where he was going to be at.
Benjy asked where it was that he ended up. Bobo said he was in the room with Howard and Alison. He had the mask on his face and everything. Bobo said he was in the recovery room. Gary said that he has to listen to himself. He said he was in the recovery room and he doesn't think he crossed the line. Bobo said it was all very innocent. Gary said he crossed the line. He said no normal person would do that. Bobo said he had zero intent to do anything there. Gary said no one knows that though. He said no one knew what his intent was. Bobo said he gets that but he didn't think he did anything wrong.
Benjy asked who was there other than Howard. Bobo said that Dominic Barbara was there too. Gary said Dominic was a friend too though. Bobo was just a caller. Benjy asked if Dominic just showed up or did Howard call. Gary said he thinks that he was just a friend who was over zealous.
Bobo said he just told Howard he was a fan and then he left. He said Howard might have said ''great meeting you'' or something like that as he walked out.
Jon asked Bobo if he calls in with topics that Howard might want to talk about. Bobo said that he will go through the papers and finds something or maybe he'll go to the docks and come up with something to talk about. Gary said that he always talks about Beth looking hot or something from Howard TV. Bobo said that he thinks Beth is hot so he'll bring that up once in a while. He said he likes to promote Howard TV too so that's why he brings that up.
Gary said he thinks of Bobo as a character on the show more than a Wack Packer. He said he enjoys Bobo calling in too. He said he enjoys that whole experience.
Jon asked Bobo if he feels he won that argument today. Bobo said he absolutely does. He said this is what extreme fans do. Bobo said he has been consistent over the past 25 years. He said he's on the board almost every day. Howard may not take the call every day but he does call in every single day. Jon asked how many years it takes to become an extreme fan. Bobo said it's maybe 4 years of calling in every single day. They went to break after that.
Gary said Ralph used to be Robin's date when she didn't have anything else going on. He said that Ralph was fun to hang out with and he was like her plus one. They were very good friends too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Rick Perry is an idiot. He said he met him one and he's just not all there. Gary asked what he spoke to the guy about. The caller said that he was in line at a pharmacy and he just didn't seem that bright to him. The caller said that Ralph seems to be pretty intelligent most of the time but he was ignorant talking about Chris Christie's weight. Ralph was on the phone and laughed at the guy as he was explaining how it seems like something is wrong with Christie. Ralph said the caller is an idiot. He said that he's stalking Rick Perry at a pharmacy. The caller said he didn't stalk him, he ran into him at a pharmacy.
Ralph told the caller that Chris Christie is morbidly obese. The caller said he didn't know that much about him. Ralph said the guy is like 800 pounds. The caller claimed he was a doctor and he knows about that but he said that Christie could have knee problems or something that keeps him from exercising. They let him go since they were running out of time.
Ralph said that he really thought that Howard's pictures were great and he has come a long way in this short time he's been taking pictures. Ralph said that he outed Robin for her mess in that room and he thinks she was just trying to get back at him. Jon asked if he thinks something is going on with her lately. Ralph said he loves Robin and he thinks that she's got something wrong with her. He said he walked into that office and saw that mess and said ''Oh my god... this is really bad.'' He said it looked like Hannibal Lechter's storage garage in ''Silence of the Lambs.'' Ralph said she did admit that she doesn't ask for help. He said that they hang out once in a while but she's very busy doing things and traveling a lot. They just don't have the opportunity. Gary asked if he thinks that she's a know it all or if she just never admits she's wrong. Ralph said it's both. He said they're the same thing. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about Andy Rooney and how it's time for him to go. He announced he's retiring on Sunday. Howard said he was in a room with Andy about 10 years ago and it was time for him to retire back then. Robin said he looks like he's melting. Howard said his nails are thick and gnarly too. He said he's not sure what happens to old guys. Robin said the nails get thick and hard to deal with. Howard asked if that's going to happen to him. Robin said it has to be a nutrition thing. She said that the nails become like chicken talons and things like that.
Howard said he was in a room with Andy at a CBS function. He said he was the only radio guy to be invited and he didn't talk to anyone so he went up to Andy and told him what a fan he was. He said Andy was freaked out by him. He said he could tell he wasn't a fan of his. Howard imagined what he would say about him and his long hair and nose.
Howard said Andy's eyebrows were insane. He said the hair was in his eyes. He didn't know how he could see. Howard said you can't tell how tall people are on TV and Andy looked really small and kind of like Liz Smith. He said the guy is 92 years old and he does a 1 minute report once a week. He said Andy used to be a writer and then someone figured he'd be good on camera.
Howard said they've tried to replace him a bunch of times and it doesn't work. Howard said they're talking about maybe using Jon Stewart or someone like that. Howard said he has to play the Ali G segment where he interviews Andy Rooney and the guy just can't function around people who are idiots. He said he thinks that Andy wanted to correct him and yell at him too. He said Andy didn't have anything to say to him other than ''thank you'' when he met him. Howard said he's the bigger man than Andy.
Howard played the clip from Da Ali G Show where Sacha Baron Cohen, as Ali G, interviewed Andy and got him all pissed off immediately. Ali G was asking wacky questions and using words incorrectly so Andy corrected him on his grammar. Ali G asked if the media has ever put out the news a day early accidentally. Andy asked how that could happen. Ali G asked about maybe election results leaking out early. Andy cut him off and said he couldn't do this. Ali asked if it was because he was black. Andy asked if he was serious and walked off.
Howard said he loves that clip. Howard said he'd like to play that like 50 times in a row. He said that show should have been the highest rated TV show in history.
Howard said he had some audio of some people being interviewed after seeing the movie. Howard played the clip and the first guy explained what happens in it. The guy said this guy sews 12 people together instead of just 3. Another guy said that it's hard to outdo a movie where people are shitting in other people's mouths.
Howard said they had William Shatner on the other day and asked why he put out this new album. Howard said now that he's heard it he gets it. He said he put out a cover of Iron Man. Howard said he saw a video of him recording the song and then he has the final version of the song. Howard played the clip of Shatner recording the song and he was reading the lyrics and not really singing. Howard said he doesn't get his interpretation. Gary said they just got the album. He said he ''just dropped.'' Gary said he was about to listen to it. Howard asked if one person will buy that album. Gary said that's about the right number.
Howard said he can't possibly think this album is good. Gary said he thinks that they just offer him good money and Shatner doesn't give a shit after that.
Gary told Howard some of the things that Shatner has been on the show to promote in the past 10 years. He said once he was on to promote a paintball tournament and then there was a calling card that he was plugging. He also sells books that he didn't even write himself.
Howard said if someone came to him asking to produce a William Shatner album he'd have to ask if they were serious. Howard played some of the Iron Man cover. He said that Shatner seems to be kind of proud of this. Robin said the guy loves his own music. Howard said he has a pretty good career going and he must not need to do this stuff. Robin said he always works. Howard said he would turn this kind of thing down if he were Shatner.
Howard said he wouldn't feel comfortable charging his fans for this. Robin said he's never had that thought. Howard played more of him ''singing'' and said that it's on Cleopatra records. He said it looks nice and it's a double disc set. Howard played another song off the album. He said even the music is horrible and soulless. Howard said they got Zach Wylde and another guy on the Iron Man song but it's pointless. Howard said they got a bunch of big guys to do the songs. Robin said Shatner was dropping a bunch of names in there. Howard said Peter Frampton is on this album and Frampton is an amazing guy. Howard said Frampton was a real serious guitar player and he was in a bunch of great bands. Fred said he was in Humble Pie. Howard said they were good and he worked his ass off as a musician and now he's doing this.
Howard said Frampton had a bunch of albums that didn't hit until Frampton Comes Alive. He said he took a lot of risks in his career and worked a lot of clubs. Howard said he had a huge success with that album and then he got real expensive management and they started talking. He said one of the things they did was tell him to do this Sgt. Peppers movie. He said they told him all of these big guys were going to be in it and convinced him to do it. Frampton showed up and none of the big stars were there so he got stuck with it. Then he got a bad reputation for doing that. Howard said he took a lot of bad advice and he blames himself for that. Howard said he doesn't think he knew what he was doing.
Howard played the song that Frampton did on this album. He covered ''Spirit in the Sky'' with Shatner. Howard said he'd like to do that song with Frampton but give it away for free. He said he wouldn't charge for it. Howard said it sounded good while Frampton was playing. Then Shatner starts singing. Howard said he doesn't think Shatner has ever even heard these songs.
Howard said Bill is like 80 years old and he wouldn't know these songs. Howard said they went through a lot of work to do this album. Howard said he prefers his own version to that one. Howard played some of his own cover of ''Spirit in the Sky.'' He said at least he kind of sings in it.
Howard said he thinks he sounds like a young Joan Jett. Robin said she's not sure what that even means. Howard just let the song play some more. Howard said he loved that song.
Howard played Shatner's cover of ''Bohemian Rhapsody.'' He laughed as he heard Shatner reading the lyrics to no music. He laughed when he music came on too. Howard said this is an expensive joke. He wondered if Shatner is in on the joke. Robin said she thinks that he has to be in on it by now.
Howard mentioned this was on Cleopatra records so Robin did some research and found some other artists that were on the label. Howard said they have to sell about 40,000 records to make a huge profit. Howard said that they do this with a lot of artists since it doesn't take all that many to make some money.
Robin said Sly Stone is on Cleopatra records. Howard said they can make a lot of money if they sell 30-40,000 albums. He said he's not sure how that's possible but that's what he's heard. Howard said Jackie used to do his albums with Oglio records and they kept asking him back. Howard said he must have been doing okay when he was on the show.
Howard said he was watching Chris Christie's speech last night. He said he ran out of Dancing with the Stars so he turned to FOX news to watch some news and saw this speech Christie was making. Howard said he gave this speech and he thinks he's going to run for president. Howard said he thinks that Rick Perry is out and they need someone to run and Christie is being drafted. Howard said that he seems to be saying that if the country really needs him then maybe he'll run. Howard said he is kind of needed so he may run. Howard said he was praising Ronald Reagan and how much of a hard ass he was with the air traffic controllers. Howard said Reagan came in and got the hostages out of Iran too. Howard said that Governor Christie was saying that it's not time to sit on the sidelines. He said we have to be proactive and get things done.
Howard said he thinks that he'd be the front runner in a day if he had a good running mate. Howard said you look at the guy and wonder about how fat he is. Howard said Ralph asked if he could vote for him and he thinks he could. Howard said he's kind of sloppy but a lot of fat guys work their ass off and sit at their desk and work. Howard said he thinks this guy might be one of those guys.
Howard said he might have a fat prejudice. He said he knows Rikki Lake but he can't watch her dance. He said he can't watch fat people dance. He said he can watch Chaz though. He said that he looks so lost in life. Robin told him not to be broken hearted. She said that this made him happy. Robin said Howard is acting like he wants to rip off his own dick. Howard said he feels for Chaz.
Howard said he was watching Rikki Lake and she was doing a good job but he hit the fast forward button. Howard said he saw Nancy Grace's tittie and he didn't want to see that. Howard said the FCC should step in on that. Howard said they didn't give a shit about that. Howard said he started writing the FCC about that. He said if it's a pretty girl they care. If it's a fat chick they don't even think of it as a tit. He said its' like the National Geographic specials with topless women. They don't care because they're not hot. Howard said the FCC isn't fining ABC over the fat chick tit but if she was hot they would. Howard said they think that kids can see that and not think anything of it. Howard said it's a bunch of horse shit. Howard said he fast forwards right through Nancy Grace too.
Howard said he likes that Iraq war vet. He said that he's a good dancer too. He said that his partner put a lift into her dance routine and the guy got into trouble for that. Howard said the professional should have gotten into trouble. Howard said the guy is just doing what the instructor told him to do.
Howard said this dude who dances with Rikki Lake has to take his shirt off. He said he turned into a douche bag. Howard said he used to be kind of humble but he turned into an asshole.
Howard said they have Gloria Estefan coming in today. They also have Tom Sizemore coming in.
Howard said that he was kind of upset that Elisabeta was kicked off Dancing with the stars. He said he likes looking at her.
Howard said the iPad 2 changed his life. Howard said he uses it for masturbation like once a week. He said he uses it to watch TV and do his email and to do list. Robin said that she has a Macbook Air and that is so light that she can't imagine wanting an iPad. Howard said he uses his all the time.
Howard said they have Gloria Estefan and Tom Sizemore coming in. He said he heard that Tom has been sober for 2 years since he got out of Celebrity Rehab. Howard said that guy used to date Heidi Fleiss and then he got into some trouble. Howard said he's getting some regular roles now so he's doing okay.
Robin said that they were together for 6 years and that's like 25 years in Hollywood years. Howard said Ashton has pussy around him all the time and she's just getting too old for him. Howard said he's going to get some really famous chick now that they're divorcing. Howard said he can predict everything. He said that he's not going to go out with waitresses anymore. He said that's only when you're on the QT.
Robin said that maybe Howard is the kiss of death for relationships. Howard said it is kind of a drag. He said he meets these couples and then they break up. Howard said he had Demi and Ashton to his house. He said that he thought it was really cool to have them over and now they're breaking up. Howard said he seems to have broken up John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn and Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. Howard said he thinks that Demi may have realized what a mature relationship looked like and that's why this is breaking up now.
Howard said maybe he did ruin it for them. He said he had a good time with them as a couple. He said he was kind of in with the Hollywood crowd. He also spent time with David Arquette and Courteney Cox. Howard said they're broken up now too.
Howard said David is trying very hard on Dancing with the Stars but he doesn't think it's in the cards for him. He said David seems to be acting like a guy who was told to act and not act like himself. Howard said he seems kind of corked up and he needs to just let it out. Howard said he did like that he threw in a Baba Booey.
Howard said that Howard TV had a picture of the girl that Ashton was allegedly linked to. They showed it and Howard said she's something. He said ''Poosy vagina...'' so Fred played the Little Lupe clips he was referring to.
Howard said he and Ashton email once in a while. He said that he had emailed him and told him he saw the news about him cheating and said he thought that it wasn't true and it was unfair. Meanwhile he said he believed the story. Howard said maybe he should have told him ''way to go!'' instead of saying he didn't believe it. Howard said they have to take a break and then get Gloria Estefan in there. He said he's looking forward to that and to Tom Sizemore too. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Gloria Estefan come in. She told Howard she had lace on for him this morning. Howard asked her about her band being named the Miami Sound Machine and how she changed the band to the Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine. He said that had to be a tough discussion. Gloria told Howard that Miami Sound Machine is her husband's band and he did it for fun at first. She said that he added some people to the band. She said by the time she joined there were 9 people in the band. She said that it was his idea to add her name to the band.
Gloria said that she dropped the Miami Sound Machine when her husband stopped playing in the band. She said she and her husband would write the songs. Howard asked what her top 5 songs are. She told Howard what some of the songs are that she has to do in concert. She said she has to do the number one tunes.
,Howard asked how many records she's sold. She said that they say that it's millions and millions but she's not sure exactly. She said those days are over though. Gloria said that they're getting back to the basics now. She said that it's single sales and touring.
Howard said Gloria was overweight when she met her husband and he saw potential in her. Gloria said he met her when she was 17. He was 22. Howard said that's not pervy. He said he thought he was like 30. Gloria said she didn't have any boyfriends at the time. Howard said she wasn't as hot as she became though. Gloria said he told her that she could improve like 95 percent. She wondered why he was dating her for that 5 percent. Gloria said that he told her that he loved her lashes. Howard said he remembers her getting really hot all of a sudden. He said she understands show business. Gloria said you have to look good for show business. Howard said he can't stand watching fat people dance on that Dancing with the Stars. He said he can't watch Rikki Lake dance. He said he really likes Rikki but he can't sit through that. Howard said you have to look good. Gloria said that people think she had a face lift but she didn't. She said that she just lost weight.
Howard said he's shocked that she's only had sex with Emilio, her husband, in all these years. Howard said that she's been married to him for 33 years now. Howard said it's shocking that she's only been with one man. He said that's unbelievable. She said she's kissed other guys but that's it. She said no one has even touched her breasts. Gloria said that Emilio had plenty of sex. She said he had it all over Cuba. Howard asked if she's ever seen another man's penis. She said she saw her dad's when he was sick and she had to clean him.
Howard said he thinks that Gloria's dad was a true hero. Howard said Gloria was born in Cuba. He said that he's one of those American's that can't stand Fidel Castro. Gloria said he's not on her favorite list either. Howard said Gloria's father worked for Batista before Castro took over. Howard said her dad went to prison when Castro came into power. Howard asked how he got John F. Kennedy to negotiate for his release. Gloria said a bunch of people were trying to get that done. She said they were trained there in the U.S. and then they go to Cuba and the tanks are barely working. She said that her father was stuck in a tank with a dead guy for 4 days. Howard said it's shocking that Castro didn't kill her father. Gloria said that Castro did kill a lot of people. She said that he was also brain washing people. She said that he killed plenty of people.
Howard said that Gloria's dad came to the U.S. and joined the services and he went to Vietnam. He got sprayed with Agent Orange and that made him very sick. She said he died at the age of 47. Howard said he loved this country and he loved what they did for him. He went and fought for this country because of what they did for him.
Howard said anyone who lives under communism loves this country when they get here. Gloria said that there is so much freedom here and people really do appreciate it. Howard asked if she would pull the trigger on Castro if she had the chance. She said she could not do that to anyone unless he was in hand to hand combat over her kids or something.
Gloria said she thinks that the people in Cuba have to turn against the leadership. She said that social media hasn't gotten to the point it has in other parts of the world yet.
Howard got back to Emilio and said he can't imagine that she doesn't think about what it would be like to have the touch of another man. Gloria said she doesn't have time for that. Robin asked if she's ever had times where she thinks about other guys. Gloria said she's been so busy the past 30 years she doesn't think about that. She said she doesn't meet a lot of hot guys either. Howard said she must be going wild over him. Gloria said that he's a hot guy.
Howard asked if she worries about him cheating on her. Gloria said she trusts him and she doesn't think he has. Howard asked if they had sex for the first time on her wedding day. She said that she would just say that he was her only guy and it took a long time to accomplish that thing. She said she was a virgin at the time. She said that it wasn't just a one time thing. She said it was fun though. Howard asked if he was big. She said he was too big and she was too tight. Howard asked why it took so long for him to get in there. She told Howard to try to get into a CD these days. That's what it was like. Howard said he thinks he could get into her pretty quickly. He said that she wouldn't have had a problem with him. Gloria said that's why she's been with him all these years. She said that she was only 17 at the time and he didn't want to mess with her head. Gloria said he was a businessman and didn't want to screw things up.
Howard asked if Gloria's father got to see her success. She said he did not. She said that he did get to see her in her wedding dress but he had pretty much forgotten who she was years before that. She said that he did remember her name that day she showed up in her dress. Gloria said that her father fought for freedom everywhere he could while he was around.
Gloria said her mother would ask her to sing for her friends and she would tell her to bring her guitar. Gloria said that she took lessons when she was young and she said she could sing from an early age though. Gloria said that they asked her to go to Hollywood but her father didn't want to her to that. Howard asked if she's ever left Miami. She said that she travels a lot but she lives there. Howard asked if she lives on an island there or something. Howard said he heard that she rents out her house too. Gloria said that's not quite true.
Howard asked if she's loaded. Gloria said she's doing well. Howard asked if she knows what she's worth. She said that she owns her own publishing company and she owns her own songs. She said that's your future if you're a singer. She said that her song ''Conga'' got licensed for some stuff even this year so it's been doing well. Gloria said she doesn't know all of the details but they got half a mill for a 30 second spot in France. Howard said that Norman Greenbaum was able to live off of just one good song. Howard said he was able to stay home and live off that one song of his. Howard said that if you own the song then you can make money.
Howard said he just read about Sly Stone living in his car and having to shower in a stranger's house. Gloria said that's sad. She and Howard talked about how Michael Jackson got Sly Stone's publishing for just a million bucks. Howard asked Gloria if people tried to get her's too. Gloria said that people tried to steal it from her. She said that people would tell her to try and leverage herself with that publishing. Gloria said they live within their means and they don't owe a lot of money or anything. She said that they never went berserk and bought crazy things. She said they have a nice house but they got it cheap and built it up. She said she has some nice jewelry too. Gloria said she got a really nice necklace from Emilio for singing in front of the Queen of England and it turns out she had the same necklace.
Howard asked about her house getting broken into. She said they knew who it was but they couldn't prove it. She said that he had a bunch of watches stolen. Gloria said that they had some work being done on the house when they were taken. She said they had an idea of who stole them.
Howard asked Gloria about her kids and how old they are. Gloria said that her one son is 31 years old and he runs his own company. She tried to explain to Howard what he does. Howard asked if she has any other kids. She said she has a 17 year old daughter who actually performs on her new album. Gloria said she's playing all kinds of instruments. She said that she's hot too. Howard asked if she's sexually active. Gloria said ''hell no.'' Howard said she was sexually active though. Gloria said she didn't have sex until she was close to 21. Howard asked if she was doing things other than intercourse up until that time. She said that they did have fun and that's all she'll say. Howard said there must have been dry humping going on. Gloria said they didn't know anything about that back then.
Howard said Gloria hosted a party for the President. She said she did but she didn't give any money. Howard asked if she's an Obama supporter. She said she is and she voted for him. She said she's liking some of the things Herman Cain is saying lately though. She said he has common sense.
Howard asked about this fund raiser that she held. Gloria said that it was something else to have a President come to her house. She said that he wouldn't have come if she just wanted to have tea with him though. Gloria said she had him all to herself for 20 minutes there. She said she talked to him about Cuba and Obama talked about Cuba in his next speech. That led to them releasing a bunch of prisoners down there.
Howard asked Gloria if her kids speak Spanish. She said that they do. She said she does too. Howard said the one line he knows in Spanish and Gloria said that he just said that his ''lips fish in the kitchen.'' Howard thought he was saying that his fishing gear was in the kitchen.
Howard said he heard that the CIA tried to get her to be an agent. She said that they did. Gloria said that this was before she was famous. Gloria said she was in college at the time. She got to skip Freshman year. Gloria told Howard how she was working as a translator in customs. She said that they had seen her around and the undercover guys thought she'd make a great agent. She said she would have been all over that. Howard said that would have made for a great TV series. He asked if they pulled her aside in the middle of the night. She said it wasn't the middle of the night but they did approach her and she was all over it. She said that she told her mother about it and she flipped out. She thought that she'd be in danger.
Howard said Gloria has a new album out but it's only available at Target. Howard said that's a big change for her. Gloria said that you have to get the customers at the stores they shop at. She said that she's worked with them on other things that she's sold too.
Gloria said her father used to record tapes of himself and she can't listen to them now. She said she was in an interview once and they played one of the tapes for her where he said he knew she'd be a big star one day. She said that really hit her hard.
Howard asked Gloria if she'd ever run for office. She said she doesn't think she'd ever do that. She said it gets a lot of people to hate you. She said there's a lot of lobbying going on and the business of politics is not good.
Howard asked Gloria if she still wears a thong. She said of course she does. She doesn't want panty lines. Howard asked if she still has the rods in her back. She said she does and she remembers what Howard said about them long ago. She said that she has two 14 inch rods in her back. She said she has to work out to keep from feeling weird. She said she still has some soreness in there but she doesn't even notice it anymore. She said she could feel people praying for her when she was recovering. She said that she was told she would never walk again and she knows that the working out and prayers helped.
Howard asked if anyone ever tried to pull her over to them with a magnet. Gloria said that people would joke about her and one time a cab driver asked Emilio, not knowing who he was, ''How do you pick up Gloria Estefan? With a magnet.''
Howard asked Gloria about the fund raiser she had with Obama and if it was awkward not donating. She said they told them that they don't donate to anything political. She said it wasn't awkward. Robin said she did donate the use of her house though.
Howard said he wanted to play one of Gloria's songs. He played ''A Nuclear Merange.'' Howard said she sounds good in this song. Howard asked if she's friends with Marc Anthony. She said she is. Howard asked if she saw that break up coming. She said she didn't. Gloria said that it's hard to get along and it's really hard when you have two different careers.
Howard said Gloria seems much deeper than J-Lo. Gloria said that she's very smart. Howard asked if she has a lot of friends. Gloria said that she has friends from high school that she stays in touch with. Howard played some more of Gloria's song.
Howard asked where Emilio was. Gloria said he was there so they brought him in. Howard asked him if he would have sex with Castro to free the country. Emilio said he would do anything for the poor people there. He said he would have sex and then kill him. Gloria said that he'd probably kill him with the sex. Howard asked Emilio about getting married young and if he thought that was a mistake. He said that he didn't think it was a mistake and he took his time with her and that's why he's been with her for 33 years now.
Howard said he appreciates that Emilio saw the beauty in her and told her that she could do better if she got in shape. Howard said some men go up to women and tell them that they can make them 95 percent better and the woman will walk away.
Emilio told Howard that they told Gloria that she would never have kids. Gloria said that she was pretty messed up inside. They had artificial insemination and that ended up working.
Howard gave Gloria a plug for her album ''Miss Little Havana'' and Emilio said he thinks that they should play her music every morning. Howard said he thinks he's right. Emilio said the songs are getting played all over the clubs and things are going well. Howard said Gloria is smart, she got rid of those Sound Machine guys. Emilio said they still work with them, they're not gone. Gloria said those guys are like brothers to her.
Emilio told Howard that he has to play her song for two weeks. He said if he's going to talk about his penis on the show then he's got to play their song for 2 weeks. Howard asked if he's ever wanted to have Gloria and her sister in bed at the same time. Emilio said he's never thought about that. Howard said he's a good man.
Howard said they're playing the song there at Sirius XM on the Caliente channel. Emilio said he's going to tune in tomorrow to hear it on Howard's show too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they have experienced racism because they're Cuban. Emilio said she hasn't really but she did see signs in Miami saying ''no Cubans'' when they'd try to find an apartment.
Ham Hands Bill called in and said that he dated a woman who looked like Gloria. He said that he had to bend her over and sniff her panties. Howard asked Emilio if he does that. Emilio said that he doesn't have time for that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Gloria fears Yoko Ono on the dance charts. Gloria said that she's fine with whatever she does and she has no fear of that.
Howard wrapped up and told the two of them that they were a lot of fun. Gloria said she has Sirius in her car so she listens to him all the time. She said she's joined the new era.
Emilio said that they love this country and everyone needs to fight for this country. Howard gave Gloria some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he had to bring in Tom Sizemore. He said Tom had some drug problems and his career kind of went down hill for a while. Howard said the guy was doing really well. Howard said he heard that Tom is really nervous and sweating out there. Howard said he likes the guy and he has nothing to worry about. Howard said he goes crazy from Tom because he saw him on Celebrity Rehab. Tom said he didn't know he was on that show.
Tom said he told them to pick out the parts where he was good on the show and they said there weren't any of those. Howard said he's fascinated by people who lose control. Howard said he never loses control. Tom said he's known Howard since WWWW in Detroit. He said he grew up in Detroit so he knew Howard turned that station into a hit station. Howard said it was actually the other way around. He was there for the demise of the rock radio station. Tom said that his father told him that he knew Howard was going to be a great radio guy. Howard said he wants to talk to his father then.
Howard said whenever someone gets into drugs he figures that they have issues with their father. He asked Tom what kind of drugs he's into. Tom didn't really say but he gave Howard the nod that heroin was his drug of choice. Howard asked how you get started with that. Robin has never done heroin so she wanted to know more about it. Howard said he did it accidentally once. He said he was in college and wanted to do coke. This was back in 1978 or so. Howard said this guy turned him onto it and it turned out to be heroin. Howard said he felt like hell and almost threw up. He said it didn't appeal to him.
Tom said he didn't feel well when he did it for the first time and then he wanted more. He said he had no idea he was an addict at the time. He said he knows he is now. He said he has to take certain medications to help him stay away from things like that. Howard said he must be on that Subutex stuff. Tom said he didn't want to say. Tom said that if Artie had taken that and not done the heroin he would have been fine. He said that it's like doing methadone and heroin at the same time.
Howard brought up Mike Starr who wanted to fight with him on Celebrity Rehab. Tom said that he actually did fight with him and he knocked Mike down. He said he was wrong for doing that and for attacking him. He said he was angry at Heidi. Tom said he wished he had never done it. Howard asked where he was when he heard he died. Tom said he was in a Starbucks in downtown L.A. and his sister called and told him. He didn't understand what she said at first. He said he went home and called Bob Forrest and Dr. Drew. They told him it was Xanax and alcohol. Howard said he didn't even know that. Tom said there was no heroin in his system. He said the combination of those two things can kill you. He said Mike had taxed his system and that one Xanax and the one beer are what killed him. He just did that and fell asleep and never woke up.
Tom said they never talked about that in the media. He said that in this day of TMZ you'd think they would. He said maybe Howard could have Harvey from TMZ on the show and talk to them about it.
Tom told Howard that he ended up on Celebrity Rehab accidentally. He wanted to go to rehab and called Dr. Drew. He said that it was just the timing that worked out. He said that they tried to get him on the show for the first season but he was high the whole time.
Howard asked Tom about that guy Bob Forrest that he kept bringing up. Tom said that he'd love the guy. He said that Bob is a guy who passed on being in the Red Hot Chili Peppers to sell drugs. He said that's the kind of guy he was.
Tom asked Howard if he thinks he looks better now. Howard paused and said ''uhh'' and said that he is sweating a lot so he's worried about him. Tom said he walked from the hotel down there and he was sweating over that.
Howard said that Tom's career really was killed with the whole drug thing. Tom said he has anxiety issues and things like that. Howard said it makes him sad. Tom said he did come in there with some shame. He said he's ashamed of what he brought to his mother's life and to his kid's lives. Howard asked whose kids they are. Tom said that it was none of his business. Howard asked who the baby mama is. Tom said it was Robin. Tom wouldn't give an answer. Howard asked if that's what ended the marriage. Tom said he was ignoring his wife, that's why it came to an end. Tom said his ex-wife was a wonderful woman and he wishes he hadn't ruined that. He said he got married to have a family and she ended up leaving him. He said he went into a bad depression for a long time. Tom said that he got out of his depression with Crystal Meth. He said that it doesn't matter who gave it to him. He said that he was the one who took it. Howard thought it was Heidi Fleiss but Tom said he was the one who made the choice to do it.
Howard asked what kind of high it is. Tom said that it makes you want to fuck all the time. Howard said he was shocked he was fucking Heidi. Tom said he didn't do that. Howard asked if he's getting along with her. Tom said she doesn't hate him. Howard said he likes Heidi. Tom said he's not sure how much she likes him but he's trying hard not to hold any grudges.
Howard said Heidi claims that he beat her up. Tom said she was only 89 pounds so he would have broken her in half if he had. Tom said when you're on Crystal Meth you can pop off 3 times in a row.
Tom said that he waned to promote Hawaii Five-0. Howard said he'd get to that. Tom said he's 49 years old and he thinks he looks pretty good for his age. Howard said his teeth looked nice. Tom said he loves being there with Howard. Howard said he's 57 years old. Tom said he doesn't want to be that old. Howard said he doesn't think that he'll get there. Tom said he does want to live to 97. He was just kidding about not wanting to be 57.
Howard asked if he still has the Heidi Fleiss tattoo on his pubes. Tom said he's not going to say. Howard asked if she was good in bed. Tom said he's not going to tell Howard anything. Tom asked what he thinks. Howard said that he figures that it was good.
Howard asked Tom if he fucked all of her friends too. Tom said she's not that kind of girl. He said at the end of the day she's a nice Jewish girl who got into trouble. He said that she's one of the brightest women he's ever met. He said she's not the nicest woman though. Howard asked if he would go back and fuck her. Tom didn't seem to like that question. He said she's a nice girl who had bad things happen to her.
Howard asked Tom about working on Hawaii Five-0 and how that's going. Tom said that they told him that the last episode he shot was ''vintage Sizemore'' so he takes that as meaning it was good. He said he shows up on time and he's always showed up on time for work.
Tom told Howard that Charlie Sheen told him that he should go to rehab many years ago. He said he hopes that Charlie is able to pull himself together. He said he thinks he's a huge talent. Howard said it's funny how Charlie was the clean one back then and now Tom is the clean one.
Tom said that he stopped sweating. Howard said that's because he's relaxed now. Tom said they're actually really nice. Howard said of course they are. He and Robin told him to tell his friends that they're nice too.
Howard said he's going to introduce Tom to Demi Moore. Howard said that's what he needs. Tom said that he figures she'd be like Hitler to him. Howard said maybe he'll introduce him to Lisa G the newswoman. Howard said she plays violin and bakes cookies.
Howard asked who trusted him to be on Hawaii Five-0. Tom mentioned a woman who has been helping him out. He said she's a producer who has helped him out a lot. Tom told Howard he's always loved acting and he loves doing it. He said he never wears make up though. Tom said that his father would say that it wasn't a real job when he'd see the way he was treated on the set.
Howard asked Tom if he's ever beaten a man almost to death. Tom said he's never hit anyone in his life. Howard asked if he's scared of black people. Tom laughed. He said his baby mama is black. Howard asked if he ever beat up any black guys. Tom said he got into a lot of fights as a kid. He said he grew up in Detroit so of course he fought. He said he had no money when he was growing up.
Tom said that his grandfathers were hopping freight and they had their kids, his parents, and they had no money. Tom said they didn't have a dollar to spare. Tom said his father eventually went to Harvard on a scholarship and he quit because he was embarrassed by his clothes. Tom said he disappeared from school and his teacher found him in a fleabag hotel after he had joined the French Foreign Legion. They got him out of it before he left though. Tom said that his father wore Salvation Army clothes to a school where they were in White Shoe clothes.
Howard asked Tom if he went to college. Tom said he told Howard about this before. Howard said he doesn't remember that.
Howard asked how fucking Paris Hilton is. Tom got on Howard's megaphone and started rambling. He told Howard he wasn't going to do this anymore. Tom said he never had sex with her. Howard asked if that's true. He said part of getting over drugs is telling the truth.
Howard asked how many episodes of Hawaii Five-0 he's been in. He said he did two so far and one more is coming up in November. He said that he hopes to be able to do more. Tom said he's working again and he's in the mix. Howard said he needs one big film and he has to stay away from the heroin. Tom said he just wants to be on the team. He said he just wants to be in the line up. He said he's on the team again now and he's waiting to see how far he can go. Tom said he's willing to jump through any hoop he has to.
Tom said he's in this movie ''Slumber House Slaughter'' and Ryan O'Neal and Keith Carradine are in that too. He told Howard about the movie and what it's about. He said that they had to bury him in 3 feet of dirt and he had to hold his breath for 4 minutes. Howard said Heidi did that to him too. Tom laughed. Howard said he's glad he's doing well. Tom said he's glad he's not sweating anymore. Howard said he calmed the fuck down.
Howard asked when he got laid last. Tom said he can't remember. He said it hasn't been months but it's been a while. Howard asked if he gets A-list pussy. Tom said he's not sure what that means. Howard said Paris Hilton is A-list pussy. Tom said he thinks she's a lovely woman. Howard said he does too and he'd fuck her. Tom said that he likes Lindsay Lohan too. Howard told him to stay away from her. He said he's not sure if anyone in that family is sober.
Howard said Tom fucked Elizabeth Hurley. Tom said he did that many years ago. Howard said he did that when she was with Hugh Grant. Tom said he actually wanted to fuck Hugh Grant so that's why he did that.
Tom said that anyone thinking about doing narcotics should just not do them. He said that it can only lead to you ruining your life or ending up dead. He said he thinks that sex can be an addiction too and that's what Dr. Drew has been talking about lately. Tom said that there is so much stuff online now that it's going to lead to a huge problem with sex addiction.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Tom about Dr. Drew. Robin doesn't like the guy. Tom said he thinks that he's doing a good thing with that show. He said that addiction is a disease and he did get him clean. Tom said he's been clean since doing that show. He said that's a gift. Howard asked if people are hard to convince that he's clean. Tom said that people are going to be wary but he can jump through any hoop to prove it. He said they can test him in any way they want. He said he has never been a drinker. He said he doesn't even smoke weed.
Howard said now that he's given that inspirational speech he wants him to talk about how you get A-list pussy. That led to Fred playing clips of Little Lupe saying ''Vagina poosie'' and things like that. Tom was having a conversation with the clips.
Howard asked Tom if Elizabeth Hurley is the best he's ever had. Howard said he thinks this is a legitimate question. He asked if it's better to have sex with regular chicks or A-list pussy. Tom got on Howard's megaphone and said ''A-list pussy...'' Howard asked if he thinks to himself that he was from the projects in Detroit and now he's fucking A-list pussy. Tom said he thinks he deserves it so he never thought about that. He said he just wondered what took so long to get there. He said he thinks he's the best actor on earth. He said you have to think that way. He said that there are some really talented young actors out there and he likes watching other actors work. He said that Russell Crow is a great one and so is Ryan Gosling and Gerard Butler.
Howard asked Tom what he does to replace the drugs. Tom said he's playing guitar and he's enjoying it. He said he's not very good at it though. Tom said that he's keeping busy with a bunch of things. He said that he's hoping that his two boys will be moving in with him. He said if they don't then they'll at least have a room there. He said the baby mama likes that idea. He said the kids have had a father for the past two years. He said that Dr. Drew helped him and he told him he could do it when he didn't think he could. Tom said that he thought it was all bullshit but it worked for him. Robin said she just doesn't believe that the show is a good thing.
Howard asked Tom why he's wearing so many bracelets. Tom said he didn't mean to do that. He said he has a paper route that he does to augment his salary. Howard asked if he has any money. Tom said he has over $30,000 right now. Howard said ''way to go... it's a beginning.'' Tom said that he was homeless for a while and he ended up buying a Porsche that his friend shot. He said that he lived out of that thing for a couple of days. Then he went to a sober living place so he could live with his girlfriend's. Tom said he was driving aimlessly around in the car and found the Ronald Reagan freeway that he had no idea existed. He said he figured he'd just drive on that for a while. Then his girlfriend saw that he was excited about that and said that something is wrong. Tom said that he got off at this exit and drove around until he went up a mountain. He saw a house and a smaller house on the property. He said he just found where they were going to live. Tom said he parked his car and opened the door by kicking it open. He said it looked like no one had lived there since the 1800s. He said he lived there for a year but then the guy who lived in the house showed up. Tom said the guy said he was going to call the cops but he charmed the guy and he let him stay.
Howard asked what he did to get through his day in prison. Tom said he doesn't think anyone should have to go to prison. He said that prison in California is inhumane. He said he got into a fight the first day he was there. He said that they had to put him in the hole to protect him. Tom said he was in Chino and it was hell on earth. Tom said he was in the hole for 9 days and he started to twitch. He said the whole left side of his body was shutting down. Tom said that he got back to drugs after that. Tom said he didn't get fucked in the ass or anything. He said the only thing that's been in his ass is toilet paper. Howard said he was just asking.
Tom said he finally wrote a note and got it to a guard. Tom said he wasn't going to make it and they let him out of the hole. He said he got into the yard and someone said he wanted to fuck that Hollywood ass of his. Tom said that this guy was really ripped. He said that the guy started to run at him like a Rhino. He said he froze for a moment and he wondered how he went from being a straight A student to this guy running at him. Howard asked what he did. Tom said he fought him and lost. He said he started biting his face and that ended it. Tom said he was going to bite his nose off if he could. Howard said he's really interested in this. He said he'd like to know how to end a fight. Tom said he did the nose thing but he had gotten the shit beaten out of him first.
Tom said the guy kicked him in the head after he knocked him down. Tom said he got the guy to fall down and then he jumped on the guy and the guy flipped him over and started punching him. He yelled ''Not in the face! I'm an actor!'' and the guy was nice enough to hit him in the chest instead. Tom said the guards don't bother breaking the fights up either. He said that those prisoners are in there doing life and they don't care what happens.
Tom said there were guys in jail who had fucked 9 day old babies in the ass and killed them and he was in the same area. He didn't think that was fair.
Howard asked Tom what he was in there for. Tom said he was on probation and then Heidi accused him of something and he ended up back in prison for breaking his probation. Howard asked Tom if he ever had to fight anyone again. Tom said he had to fight a couple more times and he did the same thing. He said he fought real hard. He said they're just testing you. Howard asked Tom how long he was in there. Tom said he only did 7 months.
Howard asked Tom about memorizing lines for shows and movies. Tom said that it's a muscle that you have that helps you learn.
Howard asked Tom about doing Hawaii Five-0. Robin said that he did tell him that he could talk about it. Tom said he plays the head of internal affairs on this show. He said he's a cop's cop and he's investigating some of the guys and he thinks it's a terrific role for him. He said the next episode is the 5th one of the season. He said he will be in it later in the season too. He said he had to thank some people for believing in him for the past two years. Howard gave him some plugs for Hawaii Five-0 which is on CBS Monday nights at 10pm.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he ever peed on that chick he went out with. He didn't remember her name. Howard said it was Heidi Fleiss. Tom said he only peed on his own leg when he was a little kid.
Another caller asked Tom why he did home sex videos with such a small penis. Tom said he told Howard he has a really small penis. Howard wrapped up and gave him more plugs and wished Tom the best. Howard said they learned how to fight in prison. He said you bite someone's nose if they're fighting you. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that the interview with Tom Sizemore was the best he's ever done. He said he was enthralled the entire time. Howard said he is a very interesting man. He said he's had a fascinating life and he's only in his 40s. The caller said that it was fantastic. Howard said he had to thank Tom and Gloria for coming in today.
Howard said he had David Arquette on the phone. He said he still doesn't get why Courteney is there every week. He had David on the phone so he asked him if he heard about Ashton and Demi's break up. David said that's a shame. He also told Howard that the Tom Sizemore interview was great. He said he'd hire him to work for him if he had a project. Howard asked if he'd put him on Cougar Town. David laughed and said of course he would.
Howard said David is with Courteney more now than he was when they were married. David said they have great communication. Howard said he liked that he did his Baba Booey on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said it seems like he's letting himself out now.
Howard asked if he was surprised he was in the bottom two this week. David said he was. He asked if he was disgusted with Nancy Grace's huge nipple. Robin said it wasn't disgusting. Howard said he has a theory that the FCC doesn't care about fat people's nipples coming out. David said he was surprised that her nipple was holding a gavel.
Howard told David that he fast forwards through the fat people on that show. He said he likes Rikki Lake but he fast forwards through her dance. Howard said he just wants to see attractive people dance. Robin said that she doesn't have to live her life to be attractive to Howard. Howard said he's a horrible man. Robin agreed.
Howard said that J.R. is a great dancer and a great role model too. Howard said he'd like to see David hang in there too. He said there's one dance instructor who is so fat. He said he's not sure how you can be fat and dance so much. He said you'd have to eat like an elephant to stay that big. David said she's not that fat. He said she's tight and people have different body types. David said he likes different body types. Howard said David wouldn't bang her. David said he would definitely bang her. He said she is one of the sexiest girls on the show. Her name is Lacy. Howard said he hasn't seen him bang a fat chick yet. David said he has. He said he liked it too. Howard asked how much the girl weighed. David said she was probably as much as him.
Howard said he knows David wouldn't fuck his dance partner either. He said she's not up to his standards. Robin said Howard would fuck a fat woman if he was stuck on a desert island. Howard said of course he would. He said he'd do a lot of things that he wouldn't normally do. He said he'd probably eat shit if he had to.
Howard said Carson Kressley is good on the show. He said that he's being compared to David every week. Howard said David has to pull it together and get back up there. David said he's doing his best. Howard said he has to pull the injury card. Robin said he has to play up the romantic side. David said he's going to show some skin next week. Howard told him to finger his partner. David sarcastically said that's a great idea. David said they have to get the vote out there. Howard said they will. Robin said they're on his side. Howard said he wants his daughter to look at him while he's on camera. He said the kid doesn't pay attention to him. Howard said she should cry for votes too.
David said he cried in rehearsal one day. He said that anyone who was going to vote for him isn't going to vote now. David said he got overwhelmed with emotion. He said that he did it on camera and it's probably going to air next week. Howard said he would have smacked him right in the head. David said Jimmy Kimmel told him to break out the tears. Howard said Jimmy is all about that. He's cried a few times on camera.
Howard asked if he's still pining for Courteney. David said he's not. He said they're in the friend zone now. Howard asked if he's dating. David said he does like somebody. Howard said it can't be anyone from the show. He said none of those girls are up to his standards. Howard said those dancers are trouble anyway.
Howard asked David if Courteney knows he's seeing someone. David said she does. He said he's been seeing this girl for a couple of months. Howard asked if she wants to be in the audience when he's dancing. David said she doesn't live in L.A. He said Courteney hasn't met her. David said his daughter hasn't met her either. Howard said he'd love to get the kid to call her ''new mommy.'' Howard asked if he's in love. David said he's not going to answer that question. Howard asked if she's an actress. David said she's not.
Howard asked how old the girl is. David said that he likes women so she's 30. Howard said that's appropriate. Howard asked where he met her. David asked him to please stop. Howard asked if it was amazing the first time he made love to her. David said that it was amazing. He wouldn't say that it was better than Courteney. Howard said he's happy for him. He asked when he gets to meet this girl. Robin said he will never let that happen. Howard asked if she's the first one to call him after Dancing with the Stars. David said she is.
Howard asked what this girl does for a living. David wasn't sure if he should say. Howard said it can't be that bad. He asked what it could be that's so secretive. David said it's not a secret. He said she's a reporter. Howard said he loves that. Howard said he always wanted to bang a reporter. David said they met on a boat trip. He said they were at a boat party and that's where they met. Howard kept digging and asked if he recognized her from TV. David said he didn't. He said that they started talking and she had interviewed him before. He said that she looked quite different then. David said that they'd probably recognize her too. Howard asked if she's in L.A. David said she's actually in New York.
Howard asked if she's local. David said she's on a TV show that's nationwide. Howard wondered if it was Cindy Adams or Penny Crone. David said it was actually Barbara Walters. Gary asked if she was an entertainment reporter. David said she's on a network show. Howard asked if she's black. David said no. Howard wondered who they were talking about. Howard asked who it is. David didn't sound like he wanted to say. He sounded like he was in pain.
Howard said this is so sexy. He said he'd fuck her so hard if he were him. Howard asked if it was Lisa G. David laughed. Howard asked Fred and Robin to help out and figure it out. David said that she's on ET and The Insider. Robin thought she knew who she was but she didn't. Howard asked who the anchor was. David eventually said that her name is Christina McLarty. Robin looked her up and said that she's really cute. Gary said JD looked her up and found out she was engaged to Joe Francis from Girls Gone Wild. Howard wanted to book her for the show on Monday. He said they'd bring her in and he'd give her approval. Howard said he'll give her a real grilling and find out if she's ready for David.
David said he's dropped another bombshell on the show. Howard said it's nothing. Howard said no one will put up a picture of her on the monitor. They eventually did. Robin said she has a bit of a Courteney resemblance. Howard said she looks very young. David said she's adorable.
Gary asked David if he asked her what happened with her engagement. David didn't get to answer. Howard asked if he had peed on her yet. David was laughing through the whole thing. Howard said he definitely approves of this. He said after Joe Francis he has to be totally normal to her.
David said that he's not one to run around with different girls. He said that he likes someone who makes him feel good and that he can make feel good. Howard said he feels good looking at her picture.
Howard asked if he's taken her on vacation. David said they have done a few road trips. He said he's been Skyping with her a lot. He said he does the sexting thing on Skype. Howard asked if he's staying faithful. David said he is. He said he tries to see her as much as possible. David said that he tried to come in when he was in town but they were off. It was a Thursday that they weren't around.
Gary told Howard that JD just looked her up on Twitter and found that she was flirting with LL Cool J. David said she's known him for a long time and they're just friend. LL is married and he's a good guy.
Howard asked if he had to court her for a long time. David said they met and they did like each other. He said he hasn't introduced her to any of his family yet though. Howard said that's good for David. He said he's glad everything is good with him. He let him go after that. Howard told Robin that was the whole news segment. They talked right through it. He said he had to take a little break and then do a little news. They went to break after that.
Robin read some news about the Michael Jackson trial that began yesterday. Howard had some audio of Michael Jackson from May of 2009 where he sounded sedated and barely able to speak. Howard said his voice was very deep in that clip. Howard read the transcript of what he was saying since it was so hard to understand. Robin said he was on that propofol at the time and he was still able to speak and talk about how great he wanted his show to be. Robin read some more details about that case and what's going on with that.
Howard said someone said Michael Jackson sounded like Gina Man. Howard played some of Gina Man and said he just wanted an excuse to play those clips.
Howard said his hands smell like Tom Sizemore. He shook his hand and then doused his hand with hand gel but the smell is still there.
Robin read some news about Chris Christie talking about how he's not going to run for President but he made a speech last night that made it sound like he could end up doing it.
Howard said his wife announced that she has a crush on Chris Christie. Howard said she did that on Good Day New York this morning. Howard said he thinks that he helped her get to that point. He said that he might be the one with the crush and Beth is sharing that with the people on Good Day New York. Howard said she was hosting this morning and he forgot to tell people about that. He had the audio of Beth talking about her crush. Robin had some audio of Christie joking around with the audience at the press conference he was at.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told Howard about the things Beth was saying on Good Day New York this morning. She said it was awesome. Robin said she would have taped it if she had known. Mariann said she's been holding on since 7 this morning to remind everyone. Howard hung up on Mariann in the middle of a sentence.
Robin read about how Eva Longoria has been calling the President and how she was talking about it on Jimmy Kimmel last night. They had some audio of that interview. Howard said she must be driving the President nuts with her nonsense. Howard said he must be meeting with her because she's so hot. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Herman Cain going on The Tonight Show on Friday. Robin said Michelle Bachman was on a few weeks ago.
Robin read about Andy Rooney retiring this Sunday night. Howard said that one segment a week for 5 minutes has become too much for the guy.
Robin read about some of the bands that are nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said that it sounds like a good line up to him. Robin said those were just the possible inductees. Howard did his Donovan impression after Robin mentioned his name. That led to Fred playing a couple of his songs. Howard sang along a little bit. Robin read about how Guns N Roses released their first album 25 years ago. She said that it's hard to believe it was that long ago. Fred was still looking up Donovan songs. Howard said he's not sure how this guy had a career. Howard wondered where he is and said they should lock him up. Then Howard played his cover of ''Hurdy Gurdy Man.'' Howard said he's so talented. Howard had Fred play some more of Donovan's stuff. Howard said he can remember hearing some of these songs for the first time in the 60s. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Seth Rogen talking about how he's planning on getting married. He was on David Letterman's show talking about that. Robin had some audio of that interview.
Robin read about Joseph Gordon-Levitt being on Jimmy Fallon the other night and doing some singing. She had some audio of that too. Joseph was doing an Axl Rose impression singing Lady Gaga's ''The Edge of Glory.'' Howard said it was a pretty good Axl.
Robin had some audio of Rachel Weisz talking about her new movie. They ended the show after that. It was around 10:30am.
The caller said he would put him in the wack packer category. Gary said he likes David on the show and he's like an incorrigible child. He said that he says he's not going to tell them something and then he tells them.
Jon asked JD if he fast forwards through the fat dancers on Dancing with the Stars. JD said that the thinner, hotter chicks wear smaller outfits. Gary said JD likes women with big asses so Howard might not like that. JD said he likes women who are thick but not enormous. He said he's not into Nancy Grace or anything. Gary asked who the big assed girl was that they were looking at this morning. JD said that Keenan Thompson has a fiancee who is hot and has a big ass. JD said that's what he likes. He said she's hot.
Benjy said that he was trying to find that nip slip because he's curious. Gary said he found it and he's kind of disappointed in it. Benjy said he's been trying to find it and he can't find it.
Will came in and asked JD about the fat thing since he had just heard that. JD told him to get out. Will said he wanted to hear it first hand in the studio. Gary said that JD likes to see women with asses as big as his. Will said he doesn't see many like that. He said maybe Kaplan in a wig.
Jon asked Will if he would fast forward through the fat girls too. Will said he'd probably fast forward through the whole show.
Gary said he thinks that you have to see everyone dance if you want to judge them on their dancing. Will said that JD was giving him weird looks. JD said he was waiting for Will to hit it out of the park with the softballs he was throwing in there. Jon asked Will if he was there when JD was talking about Keenan Thompson's fiancee. Will must have missed it.
Jon asked JD what he looks for in a woman. JD said he looks at the face first. Gary asked who his top chick is. JD said right now he'd have to say Keenan Thompson's fiancee. He said he likes all types of women though. He said he's not into fat chicks. He said he's into ''thick'' chicks. Benjy asked if she would have any particular race. JD said maybe Puerto Rican. Jon asked if he likes J-Lo. JD said he does like her. He said she's thin though. Will asked what JD is if she's thin. Jon said that JD might have a different kind of scale. Will said that JD's scale is broken.
The guys talked about some of the other people who are on Dancing with the Stars. JD said that David Arquette has the hottest partner on the show. They had to go to break after that.
Ronnie said that Tom was paranoid about coming in and he looked like someone dumped a bucket of water on him. Gary said that Tom started taking his shirt off as they were walking around looking for one to change into.
Jon wondered what he was so nervous about. Gary said he doesn't do interviews like this. Ronnie said that he also had to walk a lot on the way there. He ended up walking to Central Park and back so he did do a lot of walking this morning.
Jon said he heard him answering with the megaphone. Gary said he heard that and wondered how that started. Gary said that one of those megaphones is irreplaceable. He said he cleaned the two and he hopes that Howard will forget about it by Monday. Benjy said he doesn't think Howard is that freaked out by it. He said that he thinks Howard thought it was funny and didn't really give a fuck. He said he'll forget about it and use it again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Tom Sizemore. He wondered if they think there was more in play than the nervousness and Subutex. He asked what they think about him not talking about the mother of his kids. Gary said he may not be able to talk about the woman for legal reasons.
The guys talked about how Tom was helped by Celebrity Rehab. Ralph called in and said that he used to be on Robin's side with the Celebrity Rehab thing but now he sees it can work. He said he was swayed. Gary wondered if he has to take a urine test. Benjy said he didn't really dwell on it and just said that he'll take any drug test they throw at him.
The guys were talking about what a good actor he is. They talked about the crazy parts he's played and how he has always played a lunatic. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he liked how shocked she was when Howard would ask her question about her sex life. Jon said that it appeared that they're great as a couple too. Gary said he likes it when someone is willing to come in and talk about just about anything. He said he enjoyed the interview. Jon asked if he was surprised that she said that Emilio is the only one she's slept with. Gary said he can believe it.
Jon wondered why she wouldn't shoot Castro if given the chance to free Cuba. Benjy said she may have taken it too literally.
Jon said Howard asked what songs she plays on tour and she said that she plays the hits but you never know which ones you shouldn't play. Gary said anyone who goes on tour should play all of their hits. He said the fans want to hear those songs. Jon said that you sprinkle them into the mix. Gary said his kid went to see Kanye West and Jay-Z and they paid $250 per ticket and they had better play their hits. Gary said that's the face value for the tickets too. Gary asked what he paid to see Steely Dan. Jon said it was like 200 bucks. Jon didn't think they were on the same level though. Gary said that's a lot of money for a ticket.
Jon asked Benjy what he's paid for a concert ticket. Benjy said he loves ELO. He said that he snuck into an Ozzy concert as a kid. He said he can't think of any concerts that he's gone to. He said he likes them for like 15-20 minutes but that's about it. He said it seems like a pain in the ass. He said he once saw Chuck Berry. He said he snuck into that concert too. That was about 10 years ago. Benjy said he did go to the Paul McCartney concert too but he didn't pay for that ticket either. They ended the show a short time later. It was about 11:10am.
Howard asked Steve to tell him about the Donahue show. Steve tried to tell him but he got tripped up after just a few words. Howard told Grillo to tell him about the show slowly. Grillo said Howard's point got across and he thinks the reason he was there was greatly expressed. Robin said she was amazed when she heard that. Howard said that's what happens when English is your second language.
Howard said he thought Grillo was going to propose to him the way he was talking to him. He said that's the way he was when he asked his wife to marry him. Grillo said he gets nervous around him.
Howard told Grillo to try to keep his eyes averted when he's in the elevator with him. Grillo said sometimes the elevator doesn't come fast enough. Howard said the whole building is empty so he's not sure why the elevator takes so long to get there. He said that sometimes it takes 7 or 8 minutes for the elevator to get there when he leaves and that's because it's busy in the building. He said it takes forever when the building is empty too though.
Fred did more of his Grillo impression and had him talking about his thoughts getting stuck in his head. Howard mentioned the Donahue appearance again and said that they're going to air on Friday. Howard and Grillo talked about some of the stuff that went on there during the taping.
Grillo said the word ''library'' as ''li-berry'' so Howard picked up on that and asked him to repeat it. Grillo said it correctly so Howard said he knew he knew the word. Grillo said when he was younger he would speak by not breathing through his nose because he always had a stuffy nose. Howard said maybe his head is full of snot and there's no room for a brain in there.
Robin said that Scott was practically done on Friday but he's still working on it today. Howard said Scott has to be the slowest guy in the country. Howard said he has a new hair style too. He pointed that out to Robin. Howard said he had a cowlick or something going on. Scott said he blew dry it today. Howard said he looks good with all of that new hair.
Scott said the bit is taking so long because the hair is over his ears and he can't hear it. Howard said he has to be the slowest engineer he's ever had. Howard said he should have it ready now. Scott said hopefully he'll have it done by Friday. Howard said maybe if they keep on him like this he'll start to stutter.
Howard told Scott that Buzz over at WNBC would have it done in 45 minutes. He asked Scott how far into it he is and asked if he's almost done. Scott said no. Robin asked when it's going to be done. Scott said he should have it done by 9. He said he's just starting to mix it now. Howard asked Fred if he's ever watched him work. Fred said he hasn't. Scott told Howard that he's done it again and this is so incredible. Howard said it's unbelievable how slow he is. He told him to get out of there. Robin said he was telling her how he only has one tape machine and that's why it takes so long.
Howard told Scott to use the razor blade on his arms next time he's editing. That way he can get a Buzz Buzanski in there to do the editing. Howard said Buzz was good even though he was always bitching about things. He said he would get his work done fast.
Howard said they used to do a lot more bits because they could get them done so fast. He said they used to do like 4 a day and now they can't do that. They ended the segment on a song about how things don't get done around there.
Howard asked her to send her panties over after she jogs tomorrow. Jackie told her to seal them up in a plastic bag. Howard asked the woman if guys stare at her on the beach. She said she doesn't pay attention to them. She said the guys in New Jersey don't seem to pay attention to her because she doesn't have a lot of mouse in her hair.
Howard wondered why the woman was calling on the Cleveland line if she was in New Jersey. She said she was in Princeton so she's not sure why that is. Howard said he wants a good phone system in there. He wondered why he can't get one. Robin said people say that the system that he wants won't do what he thinks it will. Howard said the Telos system will do what he wants. He said he can conference 7 people at once and things like that. He said it would be nice if they could get a renovation done. He said the studio is really crummy.
Howard said he would really be happy with just a new phone system. He said some studios have a computer in them with the traffic rundown and all of that. He said he doesn't know why he can't even get a phone system.
Howard got back to the caller and found out she's a grad student and she met Gary back in 1986. She said that she had lunch with him. She said they hooked up a satellite dish in 1986 at her college and they were able to get his show. She said she came to the city to meet him and she met Gary. Gary said he remembers that and he remembers going to lunch but he can't remember what she looks like. Howard said Gary has a lot of stories about getting laid. He's not sure why he got married. Howard said Gary meets women through the show and he gets laid all the time.
Howard said that Gary had a story about juggling two women at once and how they both got mad at him on Valentine's day. Gary said that one was from the radio show and the other one he can't remember. He said she may have been from a meeting there or something. Howard said he has to be able to remember. Howard said that's the really good looking one. Gary said they're all good looking. He said he took one out for Valentine's day and the other one got upset because she assumed they had a date. Howard said he's seen these girls and they're good looking.
Gary said he remembers this girl on the phone. Her name was Kyra. Howard asked how she got down there. She said she wanted to do a pre-interview and Gary set up a lunch with her. She said that Gary told her that Howard wouldn't be able to make it. Kyra said that Gary made this meeting over the phone. She said he hadn't even seen her picture. Gary said he has never tried to pick up a woman on the phones before seeing them.
Kyra said that Gary had her meet him at a cafe. She said that he answered as many questions as possible. She said he tried to pick her up too. He asked her to come in and see the studio after the show hours. Gary also gave her a studio number that was supposed to be direct dial. She said it wasn't right for the show but it was direct dial for the rest of the day.
Howard asked what she wore on her date. Kyra said she wore a mini dress and a bolero jacket. Howard asked if she was showing her belly. She said it was a short jacket. Gary said he can't place this. He does remember some of the meeting but he can't seem to picture the face. Kyra told Gary she had really long hair. Gary said he remembers that too.
Howard asked why she didn't take Gary up on the studio tour. She said she didn't think that would accomplish anything. She didn't want to be taken advantage of either. She said she just wanted to meet Howard. Gary said she was saying she was only in the city for a week to visit. He said he may have seen an opening and he may have jumped on it. Kyra said that she's not sure she could do Howard justice now. She said she doesn't write for the paper anymore either. Howard asked if she still has the bolero jacket. He said he'd do the interview. Gary asked if she'd still want to see the studio.
Kyra told Gary she had really long hair that went down past her knees. Gary said he kind of remembers all of that but he still can't remember her face. Howard told her to come down there so they can look at her. She said she could send a picture. Howard told her to do that. She had some calendars too so Gary told her to send that and FedEx it immediately.
Kyra said she has an agent too so she's been working real hard. Howard told her to get that stuff to them. Howard asked Gary how he let that one slip away. Gary said he doesn't remember. Howard said half the girls that come on the show end up with Gary. Howard said he sees Gary with his wife and he thinks to himself ''Boy does this guy owe me.'' They wrapped up a short time later.
Sal And Richard's Douche Bag Bits. 09/29/04. 6:35am
Howard came back from break and talked about how upset Tom Chiusano was after Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) and Richard Christy wrote a song where they called him a douche bag. Howard got a lot of e-mail about that. There are some people who think that Tom really is a douche bag and he shouldn't get upset with those guys for doing something like that. Howard asked the guys to lay off a little bit but Sal and Richard went back and wrote like 5000 songs about Tom being a douche bag. Howard played some of the examples of what they produced. They had a David Lee Roth sound-alike singing about Tom pushing the button and calling him a piece of s*** and a douche bag once again. There was another bit that Sal and Richard produced which was a commercial parody for a male douche bag made by Tom Chiusano. In another song parody they had a robotic voice (Tom) singing about how he doesn't masturbate. Howard played another commercial parody that sounded like a Presidential election commercial where they just bash Tom. There was also a ''Tom Chiusano Home Bleeping System'' commercial parody.
Howard got in a plug for tonight's E! show which features Bai Ling who was wearing some really sexy clothes when she came in. Robin told Howard that he should do a list of the women who are on the show each week and list them in order of hotness. Howard said he could do that. He said that Bai Ling was hotter than Rachel Perry but he still liked Rachel a lot because she said she'd let him bang her.
Howard said that Chernoff has a weird move. Howard said when he's eating lunch he only has like 5 minutes to do it. He said he has to eat real quick. Howard said that he eats so fast he ends up farting. He said they're violent farts. Jackie said it is pretty frightening. Howard said he eats and swallows so much air that he becomes flatulent. Howard said his pants smell at the end of the day from farting so much. Gary said he has a foot up on the desk and he makes this face that they should back up and then he goes. Jackie said there is no lag time in there when he farts either. Howard got up and demonstrated for Robin. He put his leg up and tried to fart but nothing came out. Fred played a fart sound clip instead. Robin said she's glad she doesn't work in that room.
Howard said his pants end up smelling bad after a couple of days. Robin asked if he wears them more than one day. Howard said he wears his pants for a few days in a row. Gary said he does too. Jackie said he goes about 2 days and that's it. Robin said she wears different pants every day. She doesn't wash them every time but she cycles through different pants. Howard said he sleeps in his pants. He just changes his underwear.
Howard said the sweat pants he's wearing he had on yesterday and he even slept in them. Robin said they should test them to see what he has growing in them. Howard said he isn't a smelly guy. Jackie said they'd tell someone if they were smelly. Robin said there have been days that Jackie has smelled bad and they didn't say anything. Howard said he does smell like garlic from time to time. Robin said he has smelled bad after coming in after doing a gig. Howard said he has told him when he smells bad after that. They spent another minute on that and then went to break.
Howard's SIRIUS 100 And 101 Go Live. 09/29/05. 6:10am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard's channels are live on SIRIUS this morning but there's no content on there at this point. Howard said they were putting a lot of pressure on him to do something for the channel but he's not ready to do anything yet. That's why there's dead silence there. There's just a message saying that they're working toward getting everything ready for Howard Stern. Howard told them that he wasn't going to put anything up over there until everything is ready to go. The people at SIRIUS want him to put something up there because they're afraid that the press is going to be upset if they tune by the channel and hear nothing. They seem to think that they're going to think something is wrong with their radio if they hear silence. Howard has some ideas for what they can put up there but Howard didn't even want a tone or anything like that on there. He said he got a bunch of calls yesterday where they kept asking him to do something about it because it's turning into an engineering problem and they need some kind of noise on that channel. There's nothing there but there's potential there and people are getting excited in anticipation of hearing something. Howard said things will start happening when they're ready to go. Howard said that he asked them over there a year ago if they wanted to do something and they told him ''no'' until just recently. Now they want him to rush into something and he's not ready to go there. Another caller told Howard that he's right and there's nothing on the new Martha Stewart channel either.
Fred played some Blue Iris old lady porn clips since the caller Howard had on the line had made a reference to her. Howard was talking about her earlier and wondered how people couldn't enjoy hearing that stuff when they play it. Another caller said that Howard should put up a really long, juicy fart on his new channel as a tone. Howard thought that idea was pretty funny and wondered if someone could make that happen today. Howard also thought about putting up a loop of ''Baba Booey'' on there for 24 hours a day. Howard said he thought about doing something where they have a microphone in the studio that's under construction so you could hear the noise in there and the workers talking. Howard asked Gary to come in so they could work something out and get some farters up to the studio to fart all day long. He said they're not allowed to have farters on the show anymore so having them up to SIRIUS to show what they'll be able to get back to. Gary said that they have a couple of farters and Debbie the Queefer who are ready to go over there and start doing that stuff again. Will the Farter and Junior the Farter are two people who came to Gary's mind. Howard suggested getting Mr. Methane to fart away but not talk. He doesn't want any music or talking, just farting. Howard likes the idea of having farters up there but Gary thinks they need more people to help out if they want to do this 24 hours a day. Artie had mentioned something about how funny it would be for Martha Stewart's people to go up there and see a bunch of farters in a studio.
Howard said they'd need about 288 farters to go up there and do 5 minutes of farting shifts at a time. He asked Gary to get some of their ''top farters'' on the phone so they could interview them. Dan the Farter may be one of those people. Artie said he thinks that Junior the Farter is probably the best he's seen. Howard thanked Nuno for the suggestion. He wanted to give him a prize so Artie suggested giving him a job as a Program Director. Howard was willing to do that since he didn't have one there yet. Nuno was ready to go and accepted the job. Howard said that they're going to hate them over there because they just hired a 20 year old construction worker to be a program director. Howard told him to imagine that he was just hired to program two channels at SIRIUS radio after coming up with a farting suggesting. He also said that this guy is basically Gary's boss now.
Gary asked Nuno how many times he's been out sick this year and how many days he's been late. Nuno said he's missed two days and he was almost late this morning but now he's got a new job so he's not late yet. Howard said he likes this guy and thinks he'll be good as the Program Director. The guys got Dan the Farter on the phone to let him know what's going on. Dan had been sleeping so he didn't know what was going on. Howard told him about the farting idea and asked him if he might be able to work a four hour shift of farting. Dan said he might have to do some training for that. Howard told him he needs him for today though. Artie asked him if he could be ready for 1 o'clock. Howard said that people would tune in just to hear him fart a little bit here and there. He doesn't have to go constantly, just let one out here and there without saying a word. Howard had Junior on the phone too and said that he could be the afternoon guy while Dan is his morning man. Howard explained what was going on to Junior since he was sleeping as well. Junior got a laugh out of the idea when Howard told him about the farting shifts. Howard thinks that Junior could take the 2-6 slot while Debbie the Queefer might take afternoons. Junior sounded like he'd be ready to do it tomorrow.
Howard asked Dan how he'd like to do this farting thing. He said he'd like to fart some songs out. Robin said the microphone could be open all the time but they wouldn't really be talking on it, they'd just fart, walk away from the microphone and then go back whenever they were ready. No reason to try and fart quickly. Howard even told Dan that he wouldn't have to start farting right away at 6am, he could prepare slowly and do it when he was ready. Dan said he would be ready to go at 6. Howard asked Junior to blast a few out so he got right into it. Dan also did a really nasty sounding one that convinced Howard that he was ready to go with the idea. He told the guys that their boss was going to be this guy Nuno who he just hired earlier. Robin was hoping to hear more than one farter on at a time so there could be some ''banter'' between the two. Howard said he didn't want to have any content on there but this idea was just too good so he can't hold off. He told Gary to get to work on that ASAP. He even wants Gary to get them into Senator Bradley's studio over there since his own studio isn't ready to go yet.
The guys talked about how this guy Nuno is probably going to be getting some press and he'll be listed as the youngest programmer ever. Howard said he doesn't want this stuff pre-recorded either. He wants live farts or nothing. He gave a demo of what it might sound like over there as the farters are getting ready to go. He also said they could have an announcer come on very subdued saying who will be on and what they're doing. Nothing detailed, just something like ''That was Dan the farter...'' Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to belch a shift. He wasn't interested in that though, he wants just farts. He said he'd even go over to watch the farters at work after his show. Another caller said that he was flipping through the channels and found out that Cousin Brucie's talk show is called ''Ask the Cous.'' Howard said you know there's a reason the guy hasn't had a talk show in the past. They spent a minute on that and then Howard asked Gary to have the guys at SIRIUS change the scroll for his channel to read ''Farters coming soon'' instead of ''We're building toward the future of Howard.'' He thinks he'll be able to get this farting thing started within a day or so. Howard wants to have Nuno and his new jocks down to the studio but he's not sure when. He went to commercial break after that.
Alan Thicke/11 Year Old Farter. 9/29/98. 8:40am
This 11 year old kid Matt had been waiting in the wings for the whole morning. He was going to attempt the 5 minute fart record but ended up puking from being so nervous. Well Howard finally brought him in to go for it. His uncle, mother and father were there with him to cheer him on. Matt was ready to break Dan's new record from earlier in the morning. Matt lies on his back and is able to suck air in through his ass and blow it out as a fart. Howard had him begin while Alan Thicke was still sitting there. Matt began and was ''like a machine'' according to Howard. He just kept the farting up continuously for the full 5 minutes. Howard and Alan were doing some commentary during the 5 minutes. By the end of it Howard said that he was up to 217 farts. Then it went down to an official 211. After it was all done someone from E! came in and said the counter was malfunctioning. They said that the counter may have been counting 3 to 5 at a time instead of 1. Howard didn't care, he said that the record stands at 211. Howard told Matt that he should cherish this gift he has. Congratulations to Matt for this unbelievable feat.
Howard said this is who is going to be on the jury. Howard asked why she doesn't live in Jamaica. Howard said her problem is that she only sees black and this isn't a white and black thing. Howard said in this country when you have evidence like they have then you're guilty. Howard said this woman is a dolt. She was trying to argue but Howard kept cutting her off.
Howard said this woman is a piece of garbage. The caller said Howard wants to be an OJ himself. Howard said that he's guilty. The caller said that he couldn't be two places at one time. Howard said she's ruining our country with her nonsense. Howard said he'd love to give her an IQ test. She asked a bunch of questions about the case and wondered where the murder weapon is. Howard said there are a lot of cases where they don't find the murder weapon.
Howard asked himself why he was arguing with the dumbest person on the planet. She kept arguing and giving examples of why she thinks he's not guilty and why she thinks Howard is racist. Howard said they have got to take their world and cut people off.
Howard said he hopes that she dates OJ some day and he cuts her throat too. He was calling her names and going off on her for a few minutes. Then the caller started to attack Robin. She kept asking how OJ could have done certain things in a certain time. Howard just said that this woman can't be for real. Howard told her that she's convinced him and he must be innocent. The caller said of course he's innocent.
Howard said this is what's going to be going on in the jury. He said they'll have a hung jury. He said you can't make sense to a woman like this. Howard asked if she likes that OJ beat up his first wife. The caller said maybe she did something that deserved it. Howard asked what she does for a living. She never answered even though he asked the same question a bunch of times.
Howard said he had to hang up on this woman. She said that's because he can't take the truth. Howard laughed. He said she must be right, he can't handle the truth. The caller kept accusing people of being racist and saying that's what this was all about. Robin asked about Chris Darden. The caller said that Robin and Chris are both alike. She said he's an Uncle Tom. Howard said we have to throw people like this out of this country. He said they don't have morons like this running around in a country like Japan. Howard said he would gladly give up free speech just to shut this woman up.
Howard said he has been very nice so far. The caller kept talking over Howard and wouldn't let him speak. Howard and the caller continued to argue for a couple more minutes. The caller said that Nicole didn't work a day in her life and OJ slaved for her. Howard told her to go cook her neighbor. He asked her again what she does for a living. She didn't answer. Howard said he's exhausted. He said he has to know what she does for a living. Howard said he would guarantee that she cleans houses.
Howard kept asking over and over what she does for a living. She said it would pain his heart. Howard said he thinks that in Jamaica she was a nurse and now she's cleaning houses in this country. Howard said he was going to try and get it out of her again. Howard asked her if she was a nurse in Jamaica. She said she was a teacher. Robin sounded shocked that she was a teacher. Howard said in this country she's not a teacher. He said he bets she's a house cleaner. Howard asked again what she does for a living. The caller said he was straying from the point. Howard asked again. She told Howard to listen. Howard asked if she had a day off yesterday from house cleaning. He asked why she won't answer the question. The caller refused to acknowledge the question.
Howard said he's done with the OJ argument but he wants to know what she does for a living. She was still telling Howard not to talk about OJ. Robin told her that she could just turn her radio off. She said that she doesn't need to do that.
Howard asked what she does for a living. The caller said she's a teacher. Howard asked what grade she teaches. She said she's a substitute teacher in high school. Howard asked what kind of expertise she has. She didn't answer. Howard asked if she teaches in Harlem. She didn't answer. Howard said he bets that she can't answer a math question. He said he'd even give her a multiple choice answer and she'd get it wrong.
The caller said they have to go out and find the real murderer. Howard said he thinks she's the murderer and if she was in the studio he'd murder her. Howard ended up hanging up on her in the middle of a sentence. Howard said she's a very bitter woman who is insane. They went to break after that.
Tickling Porn Star Jesse Jane. 09/29/04. 7:20am
After the break Howard brought in porn star Jesse Jane (JesseJane.com) who was too hot to be in porn according to Howard and Artie. Jesse said she makes about 8 movies a year and keeps it pretty low. She told Howard she loves to have sex and doesn't mind putting it on film. She claims that she had a great childhood and that had nothing to do with her getting into the business. Jesse said that she was in a Hawaiian Tropic model contest and she did well doing stuff like that but she was too short to be a model. That led to her getting into porn instead.
Howard played some clips from Jesse's movies to get an idea of whether or not she really enjoys it. The guy in the clip sounded like he was enjoying it quite a bit. Howard asked her if the guys in the movies are gross. She said the guys she works with aren't gross because she really has to be into them to get into the sex. Howard played another clip where she was getting screwed and Artie said it was ''...like hearing Brando do Streetcar.''
Jesse has been in porn for just two years. Before that she worked at Hooters and she was a regional supervisor. Howard said he might have to go to Hooters now that he knows hot chicks like her work there. Artie told him that the hottest Hooters chicks are down in the south. Howard went on to ask Jesse about how much money she makes doing the porn stuff. She wouldn't give numbers but said she is under contract and pretty much gets paid a salary to do that stuff. She lives off of that money and doesn't have to do anything else to bring money in.
Jesse said that she is on the cover of the Drowning Pool CD that Howard looked at earlier in the morning. Howard said she looked really hot on that cover. Jesse told Howard about a guy who once asked her if he could pay her to have sex. She was offended by that because it was like a prostitution thing. She talked about how she doesn't have to worry about getting pregnant because she had an emergency hysterectomy because she had cervical cancer.
Jesse told Howard that she's going out with Tommy Lee so that kind of ruined it for him. She said that he's awesome in bed and he's a sweet guy. Howard sounded like he was really bummed out after hearing that. He tried to move on and ended up asking her about how much she pleasures herself. She said that she does that a couple of times a day. She has a lipstick sized vibrator that airport security ends up picking out of her purse once in a while. The delay was getting hit a few times during that conversation for some reason.
Jesse told Howard about a girl she brought home with her to Tommy's place one time. She says that Tommy didn't do the other chick, he only did her. The delay hits were still coming around this point so the whole conversation was chopped up.
Jesse told some other stories about her lesbian experiences before Howard took some phone calls. One guy said it's really depressing that Tommy Lee gets all of these hot chicks. Howard said that Jesse's face looks great and she hasn't messed it up with plastic surgery yet. He told her not to ruin her face like that. Another phone caller asked Jesse if she enjoys anal sex. She said that she's really not into that stuff... The delay was hit a couple more times during that discussion.
Howard told Jesse that he'd let her plug whatever she wants to if she'd get into the Tickle Chair in a bikini. She told Howard that she didn't shave this morning so she couldn't get into a bikini. Gary told her that no one would even know if she didn't shave because she won't be completely naked. Gary also told Howard that Jim Belushi was in his office watching this and he was ''smitten'' with Jesse. Howard wondered if a lot of stars hit on her. Jesse ended up telling Howard about how she wanted to hook up with Britney Spears one time but it never happened. She's not sure of Britney would want to do anything with her. Howard read that she has had other celebrities hit on her as well. She said that Pauly Shore, Joey Fattone and Mike Tyson have all hit on her. Mike Tyson wouldn't take ''no'' as an answer and kept bugging her for a while. Jesse said that Vin Diesel hit on her one time but she didn't think that he was really into her that much. She said that she gets the feeling that he may be bi-sexual or something. Howard doesn't seem to think that's true though. He said he wishes that Vin was gay, it would make him feel better.
Jesse eventually agreed to get into a school girl outfit for her Tickle Chair experience. Howard had her go change and offered to help her out. She was able to do it by herself though. She came back in a short time later in her School Girl outfit. Howard and Artie sounded like they liked what she was wearing. She wasn't wearing any panties underneath the outfit. Howard went on to tell Jesse that the ads on his station cost $100,000 and she had to get tickled to get in some plugs for whatever she was going to plug. Howard started to tickle her and she squealed out some plugs for her web site JesseJane.com. Howard let her rest for a few seconds and then tickled her some more. She was barely able to speak as he was tickling her.
Gary asked her if she wanted a sip of water. She took a sip but Gary ''accidentally'' spilled it on her shirt. Howard then tickled her some more as she yelled out a couple more web sites DigitalPlayground.com and LabelWhore.com. She managed to get out of the restraints in the chair so Howard let her out. Jesse told Howard that she has a fantasy of dressing up like a school girl and having someone pretend to be the teacher who offers to give her and A after bending her over the desk and banging her. Howard said he couldn't go that far but he was willing to spank her. Jesse said that's not all she wanted so Howard gave up on the whole idea and went to break.
Howard Says Steve Perry Is A Douche. 09/29/08. 8:20am
After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a woman where they kept asking how she was doing. Fred played some Led Zeppelin ''Kashmir'' as they were coming back. Howard said that was one of the greatest songs ever made.
That led to some discussions about some other bands and Journey came up. Howard said that they have a guy who sings like Steve Perry and he was complaining that they wouldn't let him go home. Howard read an article about the guy and how he's only doing the job for his family. He apparently cries a lot thinking about the whole thing. He said it's actually a curse that he sounds like Steve Perry.
Artie said that he knows what the guy is complaining about. He said that he's been to just about every major city in the United States and he's only seen a lot of hotels.
Fred played some Journey and Howard talked about what a douche Steve Perry was when he met him. Fred agreed with him on that. Fred also said that he was such an asshole that the rest of the band refused to work with him. Howard said that in his movie they had a DJ who called him Big Bird. It was actually Steve Perry who called him Big Bird.
Howard said that Journey was huge in Detroit when he was there and it was a big deal to get Steve Perry on his show. Howard said that Brian Phelan went to see Journey recently and there were 30,000 people at the concert.
Howard went on to say that back in about 1980 he was working at WWWW and Steve Perry was going to be on his show. He asked his program director who the Big Bird looking guy was. Howard said he heard that and wanted to unload on Perry on the air. He said that he knew that he'd get his chance to do that some day.
Howard said that he got to introduce the band on stage at a show they were doing and Perry was making out with the hottest blonde he'd ever seen. Howard said that motherfucker was goofing on him and making out with the hottest chick ever. Howard played the ''Suck My Dick'' song and dedicated it to Steve Perry.
Howard said that they had some audio of this singer that's with the band Journey now. It was a report about the band coming back with that guy and the guy really does sound as good as Steve Perry. In the clip the singer has a heavy accent when he's talking but his singing is amazingly clear. The guy is from the Philippines.
Nightmare Stern Family Stories. 09/29/08. 8:30am
The singer in Journey was complaining about missing his wife and kids so Howard said he should just do what his great-grandfather did. He said that the guy moved to the United States and married someone even though he had a wife and kids in another country. Howard did an impression of his mother telling him the story about how terrible the man was and how they named him after the guy.
Howard said that his mother told him this story and he couldn't believe they named him after the guy who did something like that. He said that his mother told him that she used to go to Hersht's house and even though she hated him, she named Howard after him. Howard said he told her that she should have named him after Norman Bates if she's going to name him after that guy.
Howard said he just heard that story recently and didn't know about it when he was growing up. He said that he's afraid to ask about his family history because it's so sad. He said that he asked about why he never met his grandmother on his father's side. He said his mom told him that she got hit by a car and died. He said he'd ask his dad about that and he's just say he felt bad and those things happen.
Howard said that his father is almost emotionless. Robin said that might be why Howard is the way he is. Howard said that she's some Dr. Laura over there.
Howard said he asked his dad how things were when he moved to the United States. He said that his mother would fill in for him and tell him more sad stories about what happened. She would tell him about Ben's siblings and how they all died and how Ben got Yellow Fever and was shedding his skin like a snake.
Howard said that there are no happy stories that come from his family. He told Robin some of those stories and mentioned that his grandfather shipped his mother off to live in the states.
Howard said that his daughter asked his mother about what her favorite toy was when she was a kid. His mother said she didn't have any toys but said she once cut a doll out of a piece of paper. He said that his mother really had a horrible life.
Howard said that no Stern was every happy. Artie figured that Howard was pretty happy but Howard laughed and said that he's in therapy 3 days a week. He's not happy but he's hoping that maybe his kids will be.
Artie said that there was some place in New York City, near the 5 Points, where people used to dump everything and it would end up killing people. Howard said that his father gave him a tour of where he grew up and it was a nightmare. He said that he was constantly moving around and trying to make things work.
Howard said that he'd rather go to the zoo and see animals locked up instead of going on a tour of the places his father lived. Howard did an impression of his father telling him the stories about how tough it was growing up.
Howard got in a plug for the ''I Wanna Be Howard Stern'' contest where you can win the shot at having your own show on Howard 101. you can find out more at SIRIUS.com/HowardStern.
Gary Reads For Artie's Audio Book. 09/29/08. 8:45am
Howard said that Gary told him a story at the bachelor party about how tired he was. Gary told him that he read a few chapters of Artie's Audio Book for him. He said that Artie was worn out from it so he asked some other people to do it. Gary said that it's a really rough thing to do. He said he was in there all day long reading the 3 chapters.
Artie said that he read a few chapters himself and it was just too much for him to do. Artie said he had a deadline and figured he could do half of it and then let some friends read some of the other stuff. Artie said he wanted Jim Florentine, Nick DiPaolo and some other guys to read some of the chapters. He said that DiPaolo was on the road and he needed to find someone to do it. That's where Gary comes in. Even Bob Levy read two chapters. Gary said that Levy took over 4 hours to do 2 chapters. Gary said that the guy told him that Levy had to record parts of a word so they could edit them together. Artie said that his book might be the first one that has bloopers in it. Gary said that the book is great and he read a bunch of stuff that he had never heard before.
The caller asked what he's going to do with the stuttering intern John. Howard said he'll let John go on the air there. Howard had John come in since they were talking about him. John came in and said he was back there taking calls. Howard asked what else he was doing. John said he's trying to keep their guests calm back there.
Howard had camera guys in there and wondered if he should have worn make up. Howard said he had a bunch of people just walking into the studio without asking. Howard said there are a lot of guys in there who don't need to be there. Howard said Scott the Engineer is walking around there like he's working on the Space Shuttle. He said it's like the most important thing he's ever done. Howard said it looks like a moon shot in there with his bald head shining. Howard said all they're doing is sending a satellite signal to Washington DC.
Howard said he's not sure who is scarier, Bob the camera guy or Omer. John said that Omer is out in the green room with his girlfriend and she's pretty wacky. Howard asked John if he's nervous today. He said he must be since Gary is out. He said John was drinking a lot of coffee this morning so he'd be awake for the show.
Howard said John has pretty wet lips. John said he has to watch that. He doesn't want to be splatting all over everyone.
Howard talked to the caller about autographing something for him. Howard said John is too funny and he can never leave the show. Howard said stuttering is great for radio. He said he's going to go far in radio.
Howard said Jackie wrote a song about beer because he loves it so much. Howard played the song which was Jackie singing ''Cold Gold.'' Jackie said Howard would be singing it after he hears it. Howard played bits and pieces of the song and he'd pause it to goof on the lyrics and make fun of Jackie.
Howard had to ask Robin to help him figure out what he was saying. Robin helped interpret what he was singing about. Howard and Fred were goofing on the way Jackie would scream in his song. Howard said he thought the song was over but it just kept going. Jackie said he has to admit that it's fun. They spent a few more minutes goofing around with it until they had to break.
Beetlejuice Visits. 09/29/05. 7:05am
Beetlejuice is making an appearance on the show today and he's apparently all wound up today. He's been out in the green room downing a bunch of Red Bull drinks which are full of caffeine. Gary tried to say hello to him and he's all agitated and not wanting to shake his hand or anything this morning. Howard told Gary to bring him in now to get it started. He took a call from Double A who said he's looking forward to the farting on the new channels at SIRIUS. Gary came in and said that Beetlejuice didn't even care about coming into the studio this morning. He came walking in really slow as if he didn't want to be there at all. Howard asked him what was the matter with him this morning. Beetlejuice said he might have an attitude and he doesn't want to talk about it. Robin and Howard tried to find out what the problem was but he didn't want to talk about it. Howard asked him if he has women problems or kid problems. Beet told them not to worry about what his problems are and that Gary should mind his own business. Howard asked Beet if he was molested or something like that. Beetlejuice said that nobody has ever touched him. He doesn't need anyone to protect him and he'll just break the neck of anyone who tries to do that. Howard asked Beetlejuice to talk to him like a man and let him know what's going on but that wasn't happening.
Beet ended up cursing so Howard said they have to get over to satellite so they can let him curse all he wants. Beetlejuice told Robin that he was in a bad mood but then told her that he wasn't in a bad mood. Howard asked him what he was there to plug today but he didn't even know exactly what it was. He just said that he's doing what he has to do. Howard got a hold of his plug and said that Beet will be appearing at the Crazy Leprechaun Bar tomorrow night with the rapper Minless and MC Crackin. You can find out more info at JollyDwarf.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beetlejuice lost his boxing title the last time he was at this bar for a boxing match and he has no chance of getting it back. That got Beet pretty wound up so Howard let that caller go and tried to calm Beet down by playing his song ''I Don't Know'' that they just recently had Leslie West add some guitar tracks to. Howard played the song and Beetlejuice claimed that it was him playing on guitar, not Leslie West. Robin said that Beetlejuice actually loves his own music. Howard said he was staring at him like he couldn't believe that he had actually done that song. Robin asked Beetlejuice if he knows what a gigolo is because he calls himself that in the song. Beet said it means he has to have sex for a week. Howard played another cover of The Beetlejuice Song that was a country version.
Howard took a call from Crackhead Bob, which was just audio clips of him talking and laughing, and let him ask Beet some questions. Beet had no idea what the guy was saying. Then Beetlejuice called himself. They were using audio clips of Beetlejuice talking to himself but the real Beet was making fun of his own voice mocking himself. A real caller said he hates the Beetlejuice songs and wants to put his fist through the radio every time he hears them. The guy was calling Beetlejuice the N-word and getting him all riled up again. He said a bunch of racist things to him and told him to go back to picking cotton. Howard let Beetlejuice go a short time later. By that time Beet seemed to be in a better mood. They went to commercial break right after that.
Howard took a call and asked the caller if they had a guess yet. She had no idea since they hadn't given any clues yet. The caller asked if the guest was on TV. The Mystery Guest said she is occasionally. The caller asked what shows she's on. She said she's on talk shows mostly. The caller guessed it was Joan Rivers. She was wrong.
Howard took another call and that guy didn't know what to do. Howard said he's really embarrassing him in front of the big stars. Howard said she's going to fire her agent for this.
Howard took another call and the woman asked if she was a singer and had been on NBC recently. The caller still didn't know who the guest was. She guessed Dolly Parton. Howard said she's not that big. Howard said the guest does have a lovely chest though. The caller guessed it was Linda Ronstadt. Wrong again.
Howard took another call from a guy who said it was Clarabelle's sister. Howard and Robin had no idea what he was talking about.
Another caller finally guessed it was Bette Midler. The caller said she guessed who it was based on the clues they gave.
Howard asked Bette what she's in town for. She said she was there to sign autographs for her book. Howard asked if they bother her at all. She said she had one strange guy this morning but other than that it's not bad.
Howard asked why she was doing promos for WPIX. She said they asked her to do it and they played her album. Howard said he'll play her album too. He said he didn't think she'd do that for a lame radio station like that. Bette said she likes that station.
Howard said he thinks the WPIX commercials are dumb. He said they have little pixies flying around and he doesn't get it. The caller said that Howard doesn't get any commercials there but Imus does.
Howard said he had to give the caller a prize. Howard said he had tickets to a rodeo. The caller said she's only 14 years old. Howard gave the caller one of Bette's books.
Bette said she's heard a lot about Howard and Robin and it was a thrill to be there. She said they were a joy to work with. Robin said she got soaked the first night of her concert. She said that Bette drove by in her limousine and splashed her with water from a puddle. Bette said she must have laughed maniacally too.
Howard said he's proud to call Bette a friend. He said he'd like to become a close friend. Howard thanked her for coming in. Bette mentioned WPIX as she was leaving. Howard corrected her and said that it's WNBC.
Jack And Kelly Osbourne Come In. 9/29/03. 7:40am
Jack and Kelly Osbourne came in after flying in really early this morning. They were both very tired looking according to Howard. He said he's known the kids for a long time even before they had their own show. Howard was having some trouble with the microphones in the studio so he was distracted for a couple of minutes. He got back to Jack and Kelly's red eye flight and asked them about that. Howard said that Kelly was looking really good this morning looking all glamorous. Robin said that she looks like she has lost a lot of weight. Robin also pointed out that her hair was extremely black this morning as well. Howard said he dyed his hair black one time and it looked really bad. Kelly said that her father, Ozzy, decided to cut off his hair one time and it just didn't look right so they put extensions in it until it grew back. Howard said that Ozzy looks like he's always having trouble with his hair and wondered if he'd ever go around with a crew cut or something. Jack said that he looks like a psychopath when he cuts off all of his hair.
Jack and Kelly talked about how they have 3 bull dogs now, Lola, Peggy and Colin. They asked Howard how his dog is doing as well. Howard said he could never have as many dogs as the Osbournes do because he couldn't deal with them peeing all over the place all the time. Jack said they have dog walkers now so they don't have that problem anymore. Jack said he actually forgot one of the dog's names the other day because they have so many. He had to ask a security guard what the dog's name was. Kelly said her mother will cry when she has to leave the dogs sometimes.
Howard talked about how glamorous Sharon has gotten over the past few years. He said he thinks he'd bang her if he had the chance. He asked Kelly what she thinks about that. Kelly said she doesn't think about stuff like that. Howard went on to talk about how Ozzy has cheated on Sharon in the past and wondered if the kids would be surprised if their mom cheated on Ozzy. Kelly said she doesn't think her mother would do anything like that. She's not even sure her parents still have sex. Howard said that they probably do still do it, they just don't know about it. Howard said he didn't think his parents still had sex but they do. Howard said he spoke to Ozzy and Sharon about having sex at dinner and they're still doing it. Kelly was in denial and said that she doesn't want to believe that they still do it.
Kelly told Howard that Ozzy is working on a new musical and he has written some great songs for it. Jack seemed to think it was a top secret project but Kelly said it was no big deal because he tells everyone about it.
Howard asked Kelly about her boyfriends and talked about seeing Kelly back stage at a concert he was at. He said that she was just starting to get sexual at the time and that's why he remembers it so well. Howard asked her about banging guys and stuff but she didn't want to go there with him. Kelly said she's going to be moving out on her own soon because she wants to be able to walk around in her own house in her underwear without worrying about having 20 people downstairs. She also told Howard about how bad she was treated by this guy she was dating. She said she really loved the guy but he treated her like crap and would say stuff like ''I just want to rock and you get in the way.'' Howard asked her if the guy has been using condoms with these guys. She said that she does but Jack said she was asking her mother about using The Pill and stuff like that. She said she had other reasons for that.
Howard asked Kelly if she's ever had an orgasm with a man. She said she wasn't going there so Howard wondered when she got all serious and didn't want to talk about stuff like that. Kelly wanted to know when he was going to start asking Jack about his love life. Howard said he'd get to him soon enough, she was just the warm up. Howard said that he would ask Sharon's permission before he banged Kelly. Kelly said that she would never bang him and that she doesn't like saggy balls. Howard told her that he doesn't have saggy balls, they're as tight as a 10 year old's. He also told her that Beth has told him that he has the cutest penis she's seen. Howard continued to say that he would have to get permission from Kelly's parents before he banged her. She kept saying that she would never let him bang her no matter what.
Howard asked Kelly when she last had sex. She once again said she wasn't going there. He kept trying to find out if she has gotten off and had her world rocked by a guy yet. She wouldn't talk about that but said that she has walked in on Jack having sex. She caught him masturbating one time while sitting in his chair in front of his computer with porn on the screen. Howard told the kids that he used to have cyber sex and stuff like that years ago. He said it's not cheating even though everyone there seemed to think it was. He told them that he once found out a guy was having cyber sex with him and he didn't know it at the time. He said it's like reading porn and it's not cheating.
Howard took a call from an Ozzy impersonator who told Howard he had permission to bang his daughter. Jack said the guy was pretty good with some of his words but not the whole impression. The delay ended up getting hit a couple of times during the call so we missed out on some of it.
Howard spent a short time talking about Jack and how many women come on to him. He's been with a lot of older women and Kelly doesn't think it's right. She said he was with a 27 year old woman one time and she ended up yelling at her. Kelly said that Jack could have just about any woman he wants so he should go for someone closer to his age. Jack told Howard that he started banging when he was only 14 or so. The girl was only 15 or 16 at the time. Kelly wanted to know who it was but he wasn't going to tell her on the air. Howard said that he'd tell her who it was if she talked about whether or not she's had an orgasm with a guy or not.
Howard talked to the kids about their mother and how tired she gets doing her talk show. Kelly said that she gets tired because she pushes herself too hard, not because the schedule is too hard. Jack said that he's worried about her health and has had some nightmares about it. He also told Howard that her ratings have been picking up a bit since the show started.
Howard asked Jack about his rehab and how he's been handling it since going through it. Howard said that he just wanted to know how he was doing but Kelly didn't want to go there. She said that Jack is going to be known as Ozzy's son who went through rehab. Howard said he won't be known like that though and that will be forgotten some day.
Howard asked Kelly about why she dropped out of doing ''Freaky Friday.'' She explained what happened with that and how they changed some of the cast so she decided not to do it.
Howard got back to Jack's rehab and asked him if he's able to get laid in there. Jack said you're not allowed to do that because you'll be kicked out. Kelly answered for him at first so he asked her to let him answer for himself for once. Howard spent a little while on the rehab subject. They ended up talking about toilet cleaning and plunging. Kelly said they have one toilet that gets clogged really often and her father loves that he gets to fix something when he goes to get the plunger. Howard said he has to plunge his toilet when he takes a big dump. He said he has some trouble when he gets the doody on the plunger though.
Howard gave the kids a plug for ''The Osbournes - The Second Season DVD'' which is out now. He said they must be rolling on dough with how popular the TV show became. They ended up talking about how Ozzy has said that he's going to have to tour for the rest of his life because they spend all of his money. Kelly said that her mother is great at managing his money though and Ozzy just doesn't realize that.
Gary came in and said that Sharon said that there are some people that she just won't have on her talk show. He told Howard that she won't have Sting and Trudy or Courtney Love on her show. Kelly said that she doesn't think that Courtney is one of the people on that list but they have had some things go on with Sting and Trudy that would keep them off the show.
Howard played a little bit of Kelly and Ozzy's song ''Changes'' that's on her album of the same name. Howard said he thinks it's a pretty good song. Kelly said she never thought she'd do anything like that with her father. Howard asked Kelly if her older sister is upset about her success. Both Jack and Kelly said they're not that close with their sister these days.
Stuttering John came in and said that a lot of people were calling in with some rumors about the kids. He said someone said that Courtney Love gave Jack his first Oxycontin but Jack said that wasn't true. John said another caller told him that Kelly dated Elijah Wood but Kelly said that wasn't true.
Howard took a couple more calls before ending the interview. One guy said he'd rock Kelly's world if he was with her. Another guy asked her if she's into anal sex. She said that if anyone even rubbed her butt she'd kill them. Howard said she's still young yet and she'll probably give it up some day. Howard said she'll come see him some day, like 5 years from now, and she'll tell him that all she wants is anal.
Howard gave the kids a couple more plugs for their DVD ''The Osbournes - The Second Season.'' He asked them if they're going to do another season of the show. Jack said they're actually going to start shooting soon. Howard took one last call for Kelly. A guy asked her if she's shaved or unshaved. Howard said she must be shaved and asked her if she's completely shaved. Kelly said she has a thing with hair and doesn't like it at all. She said if Howard trims his hair, it would just show off his saggy balls.
Howard tried to find out who Jack is banging these days. He wasn't talking and wouldn't say who he's going out with. Howard wondered if he's banging the Olson twins. That's not who he's going out with, it was just a guess on Howard's part. Howard also asked Kelly about her hanging out with Avril Lavigne. Kelly said they just have to do a lot of things in the same places at the same time so they end up hanging out together. Howard asked her if she's ever made out with her. Kelly hasn't done that but she and Jack talked about how their sister Aimee once made out with a girl at her birthday party and freaked out their mother. Howard took one last call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she pictures Howard's balls as being beautiful and tight unlike what Kelly was saying earlier. She also told the kids to come up with some interesting stuff to talk about. Kelly told Mariann she was boring and told Howard to get her off the line. Howard did that and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Today's ''This Date in Howard History'' was over around 11:50am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:45am.