|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from their week long vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about it being Robin's birthday. He wished her a happy birthday and Robin denied it being her birthday. Howard said it's august 8th. Robin asked if there was something wrong with him. Robin said it's not her birthday. She said it's June 8th. Robin said she was doing it just to see the look on his face. Howard said she's so odd. He asked why she would do that. Robin asked who would want to celebrate their birthday.
Howard said he got her a gift. He said it was from Hermes and he and Beth got it for her. Howard said it was an August 8th gift, not a June 8th gift. Robin said he was a little late. Howard said he'll give it to her during the commercials. Robin said she's trying to forget. He asked how old she is because he thought it was a little high. He told her she looks good for her age. He said she isn't aging. Robin said the number is crazy. Howard said it's 59. Robin said that's right. She said she wanted to keep it quiet. Robin said her friend said they have to do something to celebrate next year with the big one. She's not looking forward to that.
Howard said he was going to leave. He didn't have to stay there. Howard had some audio of this ''angry vacation guy'' so he played some of that. Howard said the guy isn't even kidding. He's not just joking around. He's vicious. Howard said the guy is saying he's getting 500 million and he doesn't get all of that money. Howard said he doesn't understand why people are so upset about his vacation time. Howard said his bosses tried to save the show and keep him on the air. He was ready to retire.
Howard said he got that and then he got the negative comments when he posted the picture of Beth. He said he told Beth he's done with Twitter now. Howard played more of this angry vacation guy going off on him about the stock price being down. Howard said that's not his fault. Howard wondered why this guy would listen if he's so upset with the show. Howard said he should be done with him already. He said he's a fucking retard.
Howard said Gary told him that this guy calls all the time and he's really angry. He said he's more angry than Nick DiPaolo. Howard said he told Sirius he wanted to leave and they came up with this plan to keep him on less days but keep the show going. Howard said he thinks that he's there too many days as it is.
Howard said his idea was to not be there in August at all. He said there are TV shows that are off all August. He said they wanted him to be there in August so he said alright. Howard said he doesn't want to be there every single fucking day. He said he wants to be there when he wants to be there. That's it.
Robin wondered if these people scream at a sitcom star for being on just once a week and taking the whole summer off. Howard said no. He said he should call True Blood and ask why they're not on every night. Robin said he could ask why they only do 13 episodes. Howard said he'd be locked up in Creedmore if he did that. Howard said this is what he's comfortable doing to maintain his work life. Howard said he could be calling American Idol asking why they're not on right now. Howard said his fans are illogical. He said it's either be there or not.
Howard played more of the angry vacation caller and let him ramble on and on about the stock prices. He said that 500 million wasn't enough for Howard. He had a bit of an accent so Howard goofed on that a little bit. Howard said he'd like this guy to come down there and talk about what he does for work and how much vacation he takes. Angry vacation caller was saying that he took his life savings and invested in Sirius. Howard said that's not his fault.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard shouldn't be paying attention to this guy. He mentioned Imus in that comment so Howard said that Imus' brother Fred Imus died. He said he liked Fred but not Don. He said he was 69 years old and he died. He said he's not sure what he died of though. Howard said he prayed for years that Imus would die but maybe God screwed up and took out the wrong Imus. He said it sucks when you hear about someone's brother dying.
Howard read this article about how this bootleg is making the rounds and it's watermarked with ''H. Stern'' in the right corner. Howard said they routinely do this to prevent bootlegging.
Howard said this goes on and on and on. He said that he told the studio that he does get these movies and it's very annoying to see his name on them. Howard said it's embarrassing to him because it's like the studios are going to think that he's doing this. Howard said when he gets the screeners they come into the office and either Tracy or Gary hands it to him and he takes it and brings it right back to work. He said he would like to put it through a shredder. They ask for it back. That's where the problem is. Howard said he shakes because he doesn't know what happens to it when they get it back. Howard said he gives them to Gary and Gary sends them right back.
Gary said he got on the phone with the people at Paramount and went through the process. Gary said they send an intern or someone who works there to come and get the DVD. He said they put it right into Howard's bag when they get it and then they give it back to them. Gary said that Howard takes it home, watches it, then they come back and take the DVD back. Gary said they asked him a bunch of questions about where Howard takes it. Howard said he watches it, puts it in his bag and takes it home. Howard said no one else sees the movie. He said he takes it right back to them. Robin said they're saying that it must be someone around him. Gary said it could have been copied before Howard even got it.
Howard said they probably targeted him. He said that they put the watermark on the movie and they could have made the copy then. Howard said no one who even works for him would do this. It's only Gary and Tracey who touch it. Robin said it's going through too many hands as it is. Howard said he would like to destroy the DVD because he's not going to keep it.
Howard said they're doing an internal investigation but he's sure that he won't get anymore screeners. He said it's not the end of his world but it is upsetting to him. He said that he's a big anti-piracy guy and he doesn't like piracy. He said his show is pirated and he doesn't like that.
Howard said he understands their dismay over the whole thing. He said he can't do anything about it. Howard said there are shit heads who get copies without their names on it too. Howard said he would rather not get screeners if this is what he has to put up with. Howard said he hasn't even seen Cowboys & Aliens yet. Howard said he doesn't leave the house for more than 10 hours at a clip anymore. He's busy with his photography right now. Howard said he's on fire with that.
Robin asked if he has a lighting person. Howard said he uses natural light. He doesn't use lighting. Howard said he puts a lot of energy into this whole thing. Howard said he did the shoot with Jimmy and Molly and Dax and Kristen. He said he's taking lessons for his photography too. He said he's learning Photoshop so he can process the pictures. He said it's like learning to develop film in the old days. He said he spends 8-10 hours a day on that.
Robin said he's going to burn out on this. Howard said he was burning out last night but he took a break and it's fine.
Howard said he sent off the pictures of Jimmy and Molly and couldn't want to hear how much they liked them. He said he doesn't get enough praise for what he does. He said he's going to start charging for it so he won't need praise. Howard said they send nice emails but they're not praising him enough. Howard said he told Beth that and she said it was lovely. Howard said he didn't feel like they thought they were that good.
Howard said he would like them to blow the pictures up or something. He said they could frame them after he autographs them or something. Robin said maybe they don't care. Howard said he never thought of that. Howard said he did send someone some pictures and he felt that they didn't care. Howard said he envisions that he's creating art for their homes. Howard said he's obsessed with it. Robin said this is chess all over again. Howard said chess lasted for 3 years. Robin said he dropped it like a hot potato.
Howard said Richard and Sal want their picture blown up for their office. Robin said that one will be cherished. Howard said he knows it will. He said he spent his whole week with photography. He said he shot Sandra Bernhard and her girlfriend Sarah. He said he did another one of someone who is well known. He said he never heard from Fred about doing his shoot. Howard said he wants to plan a time. He said he's not bullshitting about that either.
Robin asked if he has shot his kids. Howard said he has. He said Debra isn't around but Ashley has been. He said Emily isn't around that much so he hasn't done anything formal with her. He said it's hard to get the three of them together. He said it's almost impossible. He said they're spread out all over the country.
Howard said he has done some stuff with his parents but they wonder what he's doing. He said that his sister is into photography too. He said she's been in Newsday 3 times and she's getting an award. Howard said his mom freaks out over the whole thing. He said she was laughing about it. He said that's what makes him want to get out of it. Howard said his mom makes it seem like they thought they were capable of nothing at all. Howard said she laughs about the whole thing. He said he just wonders what the hell is going on.
Howard said he had his parents at his house and started taking pictures but it wasn't fun. She said she kept asking what was up with the camera and why they weren't having a conversation. Howard said his father sits there like a plant. He said he has a miserable look on his face. He said his mother doesn't like being photographed either. He said they hate pictures. Howard said his mom told him that they never carried pictures of their own children. Howard did an impression of his parents telling him about why they never carried pictures of their kids.
Howard said he always thought that pictures were a bad thing. He said he didn't understand why that was when he was growing up. He said they could have been a little proud. Howard said his father would take out his wallet to show that he had no pictures in there. He said they don't seem to like anything sentimental or anything that elevates him and his sister. Howard said they made it out to be like bragging was bad.
Howard said his mother would say that no one was interested in her children. Robin said it sounds like they weren't interested in anyone else's children. Howard said he thought pictures were a bad thing. Maybe that's his attraction to photography now. Robin said that's why he's doing so much to make the photos worth looking at. Howard said he's not sure if Beth wants to discuss what she's doing for this magazine. He said it's nothing heavy though. He said it's just a fashion thing.
Howard said his parents do look at the pictures in the magazine. He said they like looking at Beth. He said that his mother is very complimentary. He said she tells him how good the shots are of Beth. He said she likes his sister's pictures too.
Howard said his parents took down all of the pictures they had in the house and were ready to throw them out. He said his dad wanted to throw out the old super 8 movies he had too. He said they constantly throw out clutter. Howard said that they don't want anything personal in their house. Howard said it's very strange. He said they live a very Spartan life. Robin asked if they're druids or something. Howard said if he had been raised by walls he would have felt more of a connection to people. He said there isn't a lot of sentiment there.
Howard said his mother told him that she gets sad when she leaves and sees him waving goodbye. His father tells her not to turn around. Howard said feeling is not part of their life.
Bobo said that he was in such pain he thought it had to be a heart attack. He said he had gone to the gym and probably over did it. Bobo said he's in decent shape for his age. Howard asked if his toupee ever comes unglued and falls off when he's lifting. Bobo said that doesn't happen.
Bobo told Howard that he has to keep the Twitter pictures going. He said he loves them. Howard said he had to give up. He said the fans are too vicious. Bobo said they're the SFN fans and they're not true fans. Bobo told him to keep Twittering.
Howard took another call and a caller said that Ralph was sounding really nervous about the whole movie leak thing. Howard said Ralph has no access to any movie that he gets. He said he doesn't even give them to Robin. He said they're for him and he's the only one who watches them. He said Ralph doesn't have access.
Howard said he doesn't let anyone touch the screeners he gets. He said it might be someone related to Paramount or something. He said it has nothing to do with him. Howard said he's the only one who handles these things. The caller wished Robin a happy 59th.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that maybe the movie was Howard K. Stern's. Howard said he remembers seeing it so it was his name. The caller said that he thinks the guy who complains about the show should go fuck himself. Howard said he likes being there less time and that's what Sirius was okay with. Howard said he could have just left.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're all paying customers of his and thinking that it's like it's free is wrong. Howard said that if Sirius is going to make it as a company they have to have other content. Howard said he loves this channel he just found called Classic Rewind. He said it's a service with hundreds of channels. He said he did his 5 years when he started and he was ready to leave. He said this was a personal decision about what he wants to do with his life. Howard said the fans love the show and Sirius wanted him to stay on and do 100-something shows a year. He said he agreed to do it and some fans will like it and some won't. Howard said he's still doing live shows. He said he could have left or he could stay and do less shows. The caller said he has to understand that his customers pay 14 some dollars a month. Howard said that if he doesn't like it then he should cancel his service. Howard said he doesn't want to fuck him over. He said that some fans want to hear the show and that's why he stayed.
Howard said if he's not satisfied then he should leave. He said he's not going to stop him and he doesn't want him to feel he's being ripped off. Howard said they're going to be doing 100 some shows a year and they will be 4 hour shows. Howard said he subscribes to HBO and watches True Blood and not much else. He said he doesn't feel he's being ripped off.
Howard said everyone has to make a decision and if he wants to stay then that's great. If he wants to leave that's fine too. Howard said it's not that tough a decision. Robin said that Howard is right because you don't just get one thing.
Another caller said that he enjoys when he's off because he gets some stuff done. He said he liked the From the Grave week they did last week. He said he enjoyed the Frank Zappa interview and wondered how many times he was in. Howard said he thinks he was on 3 or 4 times. Robin said he was on a few times. Howard said Frank was great and he loved the channel 9 show. Howard said his wife asked them for copies of the shows that he missed. Howard said he made him a copy of every show that they had done and he heard that he would lay in bed while he had cancer and watch that stuff. Howard said that was going through the worst thing in the world and he enjoyed the show. Howard said Frank was so interesting and he wasn't even a huge fan of his music. He said he never really got into his music. The caller said the music is great. Howard said Fred was into him. He said he was a big Zappa guy. Howard said he was into Frank because he was an intellectual and he was fun to be around. Howard said the music was irrelevant and it was just about him being a guest.
The caller said that Frank's music got him in trouble like Howard's language got him into trouble on the air. He said his music was like jazz, blues and rock and roll. Fred agreed and said it ran the gamut.
Howard said he's not sure what Frank's kids are into. He said he stays in touch with Ahmet on the internet. He said he's not sure what the rest of them are up to.
Howard said he listens to Coffee House too. Robin said she likes that channel too. Howard said he puts that on in the house most of the day. Then he turns on Classic Rewind for his photography.
Robin said she heard something cool that she didn't remember. Howard thought it was Martin Sexton doing ''A Day in the Life'' but Robin said it was a woman. Gary said it may have been Stevie Nicks doing ''Free Fallin.'' Robin said that might be what it was.
Howard said Sirius is a great service. Robin said they do play some music that you don't hear anywhere else. Howard said they do a good job with the music channels there.
Howard played some of this Martin Sexton guy doing ''A Day in the Life.'' Howard told Robin she should go out with him. He said he would love it if he was her boyfriend. Fred said the guy is 45 years old. Howard asked how he looks. Fred said he's not sure how he looks now. He just saw a picture of him when he was younger.
Howard said Robin should really go out with him. Robin told him to fix her up. Howard asked what he looks like. Fred said he's a white guy. Howard said he sounded kind of black to him when he sings. Howard said he thinks Robin could fall in love with this guy. She could take him out to Jersey and put on her life vest and go for a sail.
Howard cut the song off when he switched songs. Howard said he just ruined it. Fred said he must have been doing a medley. Howard said they could do a spa day together or something. He said he sounds like he might want something up his ass. Howard told Gary to book him on the show if he's single. They can set Robin up on a date.
Howard said he heard Joe Walsh doing a song called ''Bird Call Morning'' with someone called Barn Storm or something like that. Howard told Fred to find that one too. Howard said he heard this guy he used to hear on terrestrial radio doing a thing on Classic Rewind.
Howard asked Fred where the song was. Fred said he wasn't able to find anything. He said that he was looking at everything with ''bird'' and he found nothing. Howard asked how that can be if they played it on that channel. Fred said that he heard there is a music system that they use that they're not hooked into. Howard wondered why that would be. He said that they shouldn't be locked out of any system there. Howard said he's cross promoting there. He said he bets it's a Fred thing.
Fred said he found the song and it was on an album called Barnstorming. Howard told Fred to just play the song. Fred found it on the internet and played it from there. Howard said he had never heard the song before but they played it on Classic Rewind. Howard let the song play and said that he had never heard it before he heard it on Classic Rewind. He let the song play through a little bit and asked Robin if she thought it was nice. Robin wondered how she had missed that song.
Howard said Tom Petty is weird on the radio too. He said he has a smooth delivery and he enjoyed his show. He said it was a little weird though. Howard said this is his musical experience over the week. He thought he'd share that with Robin.
Howard played more of the interviews and the guys were calling him names but saying he looks better now than he used to. One guy said that he has hit the wall. Howard said they start off with compliments but then they bash him and make him feel horrible.
One guy said Howard looked Photoshopped. Howard said he wasn't though. One guy said Howard didn't have any good features. Howard said he can't win. People think he's gross.
Howard asked how ugly the bride is. The caller said she's a knockout. Howard asked if she's going to wear a big gown. The caller said that it's not going to be too bad according to what his mother told him. Howard said women get in these ridiculous dresses and you should look sexy. Howard said the guy has to fuck them the rest of their life. Howard said she should dress sexy and keep her hair down. Howard said they come walking down the aisle and they look like your grandmother.
Howard told this guy, Tom, that he had to check with the photographer. He said that he can't perform miracles if the bride doesn't look that good. Howard said he can only do so much. Tom said he's 40 and his fiancee is 34. Howard said if he does the wedding he'll need an hour or two before hand. Howard said he can't work with the other guy. Howard said he needs time with the guy and his bride and with the family. The other photographer might get upset about that. Howard said if the bride is a mess then he's going to need a year to work on the photos. The caller said she's gorgeous. Howard told the guy that he's not guaranteeing it because it sounds like a big pig fuck. He said that if the other guy is there then it might be a problem. Tom said it won't be a problem. Howard told Gary to get his information.
Howard said they have to talk about Richard Christy's wedding. He said he heard some interesting things. They'll get to that after the break.
Howard came back and Robin mention that the Kings of Leon had canceled their U.S. tour. Howard said he read that one of the guys may have been drinking too much.
Howard said that he gave Robin her gift. Robin said it was amazing. Robin said she saw a tape of a recent event where they got the rock and roll guys who had liver transplants and you can have a great concert with them. She said that it included people like Greg Allman, David Crosby and Natalie Cole.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and said that they have a lot going on. They had Richard Christy's wedding over vacation. She said they had so much fun there. Lisa was there. Howard said he saw her dancing and she was having fun. He said she looked like she was having fun. Howard TV had some video of it up on the monitors. Howard said she was loving it. Howard asked why she was alone. Lisa said she didn't know. Howard said she was having a good time. Howard said they have a bunch of tape from the wedding and Sal was inappropriate as usual. Robin said that was expected.
Howard said Sal was all over the place. He said that some of the weird things he saw were Richard with a suitcase full of beer at his own wedding. He said that he was telling the guy who owned the hall it was his favorite. Howard had Fred turn up the sound so he could hear that. Richard was telling the guy what it was and how it was his favorite ever.
Howard said the poor guy at the hall doesn't care. Howard said he brought his own beer and what beer doesn't need to be cold. He said that was really strange. Howard said he imagines that guy going home and telling his wife what a douche bag he ran into that day. Howard said he's such an alcoholic he had to bring his own beer to his own wedding. Howard and Fred goofed on Richard about that for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that was strange but there was also another strange thing. He said Richard is weird and he's not sure if he's trying or if he's really that weird. He said he has a goldfish that he's way too emotional about. He brought it to the wedding reception and put it on a table. Howard said that's just fucking odd. Howard said he must think about what he's doing and does it on purpose. Howard said it seems like a lot of afford to bring a goldfish to a wedding.
Gary said that Jon told him that the goldfish was part of the vows. Howard played some audio of the friend who was in charge of taking care of the fish. Gary said there was another weird thing he saw. Richard and Sal were at the wedding and Sal was putting make up on Richard. Howard said they're trying to be weird and it's not genuine. Howard TV showed that tape where they were putting on the make up. Howard said the whole thing was a complete goof.
Howard said the whole thing was weird. He said maybe Richard is that weird because he goes out and does weird things all the time. He said maybe he is genuine. Howard said Sal got up at one point and Richard's parents are really down to earth type people. He said Mr. Christy is a Vietnam vet and he's a very simple person. He said Sal got a hold of Richard's mom and he started talking about her vagina. He was doing that because Richard came out of her vagina. Howard played some of the audio of that. Sal was saying she had a golden vagine. Howard said Sal has no awareness that he's being inappropriate. He said the guy is insane. Richard's mom is an older woman. She might be offended.
Ronnie came in and said that the goldfish was sitting on a chair in the ceremony. Howard said that's just weird. He said he gets that you bring your dog but not a goldfish. Howard asked Ronnie if he had a good time. Ronnie said he did. He said it was awesome. He got to sing ''Sweet Caroline'' with Kristen's brother. He said he had fun and a good time there.
Howard said Ronnie tried to hook Gange up with a girl. Ronnie said it worked out well. He said she was there alone and he hooked her up with Gange. Howard said Ronnie is a big star now. He has his own talk show in the works.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said Lisa looked really good in a picture that was posted on Twitter. He said that Wayne Seagal should take another look.
Howard asked Lisa what else she had. Lisa said that Will Murray is a dad. His wife gave birth to their baby over vacation. Will came in and said that they named the baby Owen. He said the kid is home and sleeping pretty good. He said that mommy has to breast feed so he doesn't have to get up to feed. He said that he does change diapers though.
Howard said he feels that they should teach fathering courses in high school. He said he learned about it from his father and his father isn't all there and yells a lot. Howard said he thought that's how he was supposed to be a father. He said it took him years to figure that out.
Howard said that people wonder why we're on earth and the reason is that you leave a contribution for the next generation. He said that most people contribute by having a child and raising it to be better for the world. Howard said that's what a child is for. He said you take a life and make it better. It's a noble cause. Howard said young Owen Murray sounds like an old Jew. Howard said Owen Murray is going to be Will's gift to the world. Howard said if Owen Murray is raised in a way that he will be a contributor and not a leach, then he's made a great contribution. Robin said there are many who aren't raised well and contribute. sometimes the ones that are raised well don't contribute. Howard said maybe Owen is there to fight AIDS or fight the apes in Planet of the Apes. You never know.
Howard said Owen is going to contribute to the world and it's a big responsibility. He said this is Will's gift to the world.
Howard said every child should be thought of as John Connor. Howard said that he has to think of the kid as being the future. Howard said they have a hope as society if he raises that kid well. Howard told Will not to get drunk at Eagles games anymore. Robin said she was thinking about Will and how he gets worked up at games like that. She said she thought about him going to games and wearing the wrong shirt.
Howard found out that Will didn't have Owen circumcised. Howard said he's against it. He's glad he didn't do that to his child. Howard said he doesn't believe that they should do that. Howard said it's absurd that they do this for religious reasons. Howard said there is a purpose for everything and mutilating a baby is not a good thing.
Howard said that everyone he knows has had one but that doesn't make it right. Howard said it can't be right to mutilate your son. Howard said he thinks he would leave it if he had a son but he feels weird saying it. Will said he felt weird about it. He said Scott DePace was saying that he's going to call his kid Smegma. He said it was really weird. Peer pressure isn't the right reason to do it. Will said that the kid has a big one and he's got big balls too.
Howard said he can't imagine what his penis looked like as a baby. He said it's probably about the same as it is now. Howard said he bets that Will's son has a bigger one. Howard told him to be good to his son and not call him a moron and an idiot. Will said he'll be good to him as long as he's not a Giants fan.
Howard told Will to get back to work after that. Robin said she read about a guy who had the name Rocket Red Glare.
Captain Janks called in and said that Owen is 59 years younger than Robin. Robin thanked him for pointing that out. Robin said she can't imagine having a child who is 59. She said her mother has one.
Lisa asked to see Robin's gift from Howard. She saw it and said it was beautiful. Lisa said she can't wait until she's 59. Howard said Beth had to get one too. It was a Hermes Messenger.
Howard asked Robin what she's going to put in that thing. Robin said she has a new system and she's not carrying that much stuff. She said she has her wallet and phones and that's it. Howard said that's all she should need. He said that she should take the 5 things she uses and that's it. Robin said she's changing. Howard said ''good for you.''
Howard played the clip and a caller asked about the Stern Show and the host said that they're not assholes. Howard said that was Andrea Lowell and she's such a great broadcaster. He said she's famous for getting naked and showing her snatch. Howard said any asshole can get on radio and she's only known for having a snatch. He told her to shut up. He said he's the reason that she's there. Howard said even the male host told her to take it easy.
Howard said this Playboy story about Hef is something else. He said Crystal Harris came in there and said some stuff. She was the one who wanted to come on the show. Howard said she volunteered the information. The next thing you know Hef is offended by what she said on the air. Then crystal tweets that Howard Stern was harsh and she would never go on that show or something to that effect. Howard said he was nice to her. He said anyone else would have thrown her out after 5 minutes. Howard said he hung in there with her. Howard said the amazing thing with the story is that they have talked about it everywhere but the thing they came away with is that Crystal said that the sex was 2 seconds long. Howard said she didn't say that. She said that she ran away and left Hef. She walked out of the room. Howard said Hef didn't cum after 2 seconds.
Howard said that no one mentioned that she was being held captive at the mansion. Howard said that she talked about that on the show. Howard wondered how they missed that.
Howard said the Playboy channel exists for one reason - Howard Stern. Howard said that Andrea should shut up. He said he did nothing but create a place for her to work. Howard said she thinks that Bree Olson is better on the show because they're not assholes. Howard said Andrea is going to be nowhere in history. Howard said she'll be in the history of Snatch, that's it. Howard said she won't even be in that. Howard said she won't be in the Snatch hall of fame or anything like that. Howard said she got paid to be naked in a magazine and she walks around with a bunny chain like it's a badge of honor. Howard told her to fuck off. He doesn't even know who she is. Howard said he gets older and he gets better. Meanwhile her snatch dries up. Howard let Lisa G go after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked if that's the song that Robin was talking about. Robin said it was. Howard got back to the Playboy discussion he was having and read more about Crystal Harris and Hugh Hefner. Howard said Hef didn't want to come on the show even though they asked him to. Howard said he didn't want to get up that early.
Howard had some audio from Richard's wedding where Sal made his speech about Richard. In the clip you hear the Maid of Honor making her speech. Sal gets up and says that she was a hot piece of ass. Howard said it's no wonder his wife hates him. Howard played more of the audio and Sal was saying that Richard and Kristen are a great couple. He said that Richard will be his best man forever. Howard said they really do like each other. They should have gotten married. Sal said Richard wasn't going to lick his taint that night or anything so don't worry. Sal said it takes a great woman to marry a man who poops in a can and bakes it for fun. He said it takes a great woman to marry a man who likes to be tucked into bed by elves at the age of 37. He said Richard also fantasizes about being chloroformed by his boss. Howard said that's true and he's asked him to do that about 3 or 4 times. He's asked for it in meetings too. Howard said they want to wrap up and Richard will bring up that idea.
Howard said that Richard always says he'll sign a release to let them do it just in case something goes wrong. Howard said he's pretty sure a lawyer would find something wrong with that release.
Howard played more of Sal's speech and he tells Kristen what a great person she is and how she's got a bigger heart than Jason Kaplan's ass. Robin said the undertone there is that Sal's wife doesn't understand him. Howard said every meeting they have is the same. Richard pitches the chloroform thing and Benjy pitches a bit where they put a girl in a box and have holes in it so they can all touch her. Fred said that they alternate with that and Richard pitching something to do with a cock. They always have something nutty to pitch. Howard said Benjy does the groping box thing every few weeks. Gary said they have rubber gloves in the box and they don't really grope her because they have rubber gloves on. Robin asked if you can see what you're groping. Benjy said he had a context to it and it's not like he just wants to do it.
Howard said he hears it every meeting but all of a sudden Benjy can't remember it. Howard said Benjy and Richard will combine forces and come up with him being in the groping box. He said Richard wants to be nude and spread eagle.
Gary said Sal just came in before and reminded him of a pitch he made where he suggested they have Beth ride the Sybian. Gary said Sal wasn't kidding either. Howard said that's his wife and he turned to Sal and said ''That's my wife you idiot.''
Howard said they have that creative meeting and Sal and Richard wanted to be hung upside down and see if they could pee on their own faces. Howard said they can't pee in the studio. Gary said they were going to hold a cup in their mouth and see how much pee they could catch. Howard said there's a lot of nonsense in those meetings. Howard said he just zones out.
Howard said they wanted to jizz in the studio to see how far they can reach. Howard said that kind of thing is never going to happen. He said they're like Laurel and Hardy but not that creative. They wanted to see if they could hold a sparkler in their ass but they'd get burned. Howard said he isn't so against that though.
Howard said they wanted Jon Hein to rape them too. Gary said they wanted to put on girl's clothes and have Jon rape them to see who could hold them off the longest. Howard said this is the kind of stuff that goes on in the writing meeting. Howard said he tells people to say what's on their mind but that's not the kind of stuff he's looking for. Howard said he just wants to go home.
Gary said they once wanted to all jerk off and weigh their loads. Howard said they aren't allowed to jerk off in the building. Howard said they also wanted to put their cock and balls in a box of fire ants. Howard said Richard has been bitten by fire ants and he wanted to do that with his cock. Howard said he couldn't believe he would want to do that. Howard said they should do that and let him get chloroformed and then raped by Jon Hein. He said they should do every one of those bits as a Queen for a Day thing for Richard.
Howard said Richard wanted to put his cock in a mouse trap too. He said they could throw that in for the Queen for a Day. Fred had some more ideas like shoving a glass rod in his penis and hitting it with a small hammer so they could watch him bleed for an hour.
Howard played more of Sal's speech at Richard's wedding. Sal was asking them to toast Richard and Kristen by that point.
Howard said that Chuck did a show where he talked about his mom getting an exhaust on her car and he felt that she was charged too much. Chuck said he went to talk to the guy about what he charged her. Howard played the clip and Chuck told the story about his mom's 93 Mercury and how her tail pipe fell off. She went to a local station around the corner from her and they charged her $590 for a tail pipe. Chuck said he went ballistic. He said he took the car back to the shop and saw two guys sitting there. Chuck said he asked about the work they did on the car. He gave them the bill and asked why they charged so much for that tail pipe. Chuck said his mother is 80 and maybe they should pick on him instead.
Chuck said he went to Auto Zone and they had the same pipe for $72. He said he didn't want to look like a fool. He said the guy there charged her over $380 for the pipe. Then the guy tells him that he was at the wrong service station. Chuck said he didn't know what to say. He did ask if they felt the bill was high. They agreed it was. Chuck said he felt so small he felt he needed a ladder to get back in the car.
Howard said he had another clip of Chuck talking about going to the right gas station. In that clip Chuck says he found the right place after looking at the bill. Howard said he can't even imagine what was going on. Chuck went to the right place and said that he asked the guy about it and the guy remembered doing the work. Chuck asked how he has the balls to charge that. The guy told him that she agreed to pay it. Chuck said that's not a good excuse. She doesn't know anything about cars.
Howard said they should have a ''Howard On Your Side'' bit where they send Chuck out to take care of bills like this.
Chuck goes on to talk about the pipe and how the guy took advantage of his mother. He said one guy asked if there was a problem there. Chuck said he didn't have one as long as he didn't have one. chuck said he talked to them about the cost of the pipe. Chuck said the guy didn't want to be accused of that but he did. Howard said Chuck has mellowed out over the years. Years ago he would have killed all of them for this. Howard said the pipe would have been sticking out of someone's ass.
Chuck said he went into that place in disguise. Howard said in the old days Chuck would have had a new car from those guys. Chuck said they told him that they would reimburse them for the pipe if he went and got the pipe from Auto Zone. Chuck said that was fair and he went and did that. Chuck said the guy claimed that he wasn't making any money on the pipe. Chuck said he got the pipe and he's going to get it swapped out and get the money back for his mom.
Howard said the problem was solved. He said that it's weird but all of those guys have disappeared. He said they've closed up shop and the place is full of spider webs.
Howard didn't understand that story. He said that it sounds like they swapped out the pipe. Fred said that he went on the internet and found the pipe for 22 bucks. He said you can get it direct for $22.50 on the web. Howard said Chuck is going to go after Auto Zone now. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and did a talk up like a top 40 DJ. Howard said he wouldn't want to go back to those days in any possible scenario.
Howard took a call from a woman who wished Robin a happy birthday. She said she doesn't look 59. She said everyone seems to be getting better every year. She said there is one person who she is blown away by. She said that Jon Hein seems to be letting himself go though. She said she can't get over that. Howard said Jon has a death wish. He's diabetic and he won't lose weight. He just gets bigger and bigger. Howard said he will only wear sweats now. Howard said that's funny when fat people wear work out outfits.
Howard said he's thinking about taking a week off from working out. He said he hates to stop running though. He said he will get fat. Robin told him to stop eating. Howard said he can't stop eating. He said he enjoys that too much. He said he might just take the week off from working out though. Fuck it.
Howard said he thinks he's done with Richard's wedding. Howard said Richard read his vows but his wife didn't do that. Howard said that was weird. He said she did have vows but she had the Chinese guy who was doing the ceremony read them.
Howard said it was weird that the guy at the wedding married Richard and Kristen. Howard said he had a celebrity at his wedding but having that guy was odd.
Howard said he read about Oprah getting some honorary Academy Award. He said he read that it might be so they can get her to host the show. Howard said it's not cool to do something like that. Howard said she gave up her show but now she has to work on her own network. He said that if she doesn't want to work then don't work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to apologize for the guy who was upset with him taking time off. He said he sounded like he was from Boston and he's from Boston too. The caller said that he thinks Howard should get more time off. Howard said he was almost out the door there and Sirius wanted him to stay. He said he wanted to cut his schedule down and they let him do that. Howard said he sat down and said he wanted to do a certain number of shows a year. He said it's like 120 a year or so. Howard said that times 4 hours sounded good to him.
Howard said he didn't write to HBO and demand that they put the Sopranos on more. Howard said this is the time he's on the air and that's that.
The caller said that he called into the Wrap Up Show and said he could imagine Howard being down to 2 days a week. Howard said he's going to be there less days and that's that. Howard said they're going to be a part of their life but not as much as they used to. Howard said he thinks it's a good amount. He said he's still there with you. He said Sirius is a great product and they have plenty of channels to listen to.
The caller said that he heard Chuck talking about how he was asked not to go by the King of All Blacks show. Howard said Chuck can't go around beating up the other shows. The caller said he thinks Chuck's show is the greatest.
The caller, Tommy, told Howard that it's just the 10 percent of the fans who ruin it for everyone else. Howard said that's what happened on Twitter. He said he gets called every name in the book by these people. He said that they went off on him about the picture he posted of Beth. He said some people text and tweet with no problem but his fans are very odd.
Tommy said the special last week was great. He said that the Bernie Mac interview was great and he talked about how he was the only kid out of 13 that was still alive and now even he's dead. Howard said they were trying to make sure that everyone was dead in that special. Robin said she heard the Bo Diddley interview and forgot he was ever even on the show. Howard said he has no recollection of anyone being on the show. He said he isn't doing that to be funny either. He just doesn't remember.
Howard had another one where Steve interviewed this girl who invented her own character of Goat Girl. She was dressed up as a character from a book she was writing. She said the name was Iloakia. Steve said that she had dead bird heads in her costume. Howard said people in this world are so weird. He said this woman is dressed up as a goat girl. Robin wondered why it had dead bird heads in it. Howard said it's because she's loco.
Howard said he knows that JD has a hard time getting laid but he might be able to get a chick who has dead birds in her hair. Howard played more of the interview and Steve asked the woman if she knows Howard Stern and what his super power would be. She said that Howard would have the power of invisibility so he could look at more women. She said that some would say he would be good and some would say he's evil.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to comment on that Playboy host giving him shit. He said it's pretty clear that it's still open season and there are no repercussions for doing things like that. Howard said you'd think that they'd protect their money maker there. Howard said that woman who has made a career out of showing her vagina would know that she's no broadcaster and she has no business commenting on him. He said he had a number one show all over the world and she's calling him an asshole. Howard said she's showing her asshole. Howard said she's the reason she's there. He said there are so many dopes out there. He said he has to get out of radio because there are so many dopes out there. Howard said he'd rather talk to Iloakia.
Howard got to some email and read one about JD on the Wrap Up Show being like radio gold. Howard read about Sour Shoes being great too. Howard said he does a great Gary impression. He said he's really good. Robin said he's excellent.
Howard read about a bit they did with Ronnie being on Inside the Actors Studio. The writer said that it was brilliant. Howard said Ronnie did an audition for a show and it was the worst thing he'd ever heard. Howard said he's pretty sure it would have been just as bad even if they had given it to him a month ahead of time. Howard said it was actually David Space who thanked him for that bit. He said that David has spent so much time honing his craft and he loves that Ronnie didn't just get into that TV show that easy. Howard played the bit where they used Ronnie clips to talk to the host of ''Inside the Actors Studio.'' They had Ronnie calling the host and the audience names and cursing them out.
Howard said Gary the Retard is upset with them. Howard played some audio of him going off on them. Gary was telling them to pick up the phone and called them assholes. He was asking for Howard's home phone number. Howard said he'd like to know if he even remembers why he wanted the number. He told Richard to call Gary and tell him his phone number is ''8.''
Howard had a bit that they did with Gary the Retard where they had him call an operator asking what the phone number was for 1-800-FLOWERS. They had Gary get on the line with an operator and ask her what the number was. The operator tried to explain to him that was the phone number, 800-FLOWERS. Gary had no idea the letters stood for the numbers. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard said Jon was looking thinner. Jon said that he's lost about 10 pounds and he just went to the doctor last week. He said he's doing fine.
Howard asked Jon what it was like at Richard's wedding. Jon said he had a good time and it was fun. Howard said he wanted to congratulate Richard so he called him in there. Richard came in and said that he will be going to Hawaii for the honeymoon. Howard asked if he fucked his wife on the wedding night. Richard said that he'd call it making love. He said her mom listens so he doesn't want to say too much.
Howard asked what he was doing with his fish there. Richard said it wasn't his fish. He said that someone brought it there as a gift. Howard said that you never give a person a pet unless they ask for it. He said now Richard is stuck with the fish. Richard said it actually died on Monday. He said he thinks that it got stressed out from the wedding. Richard said a listener sent them some fish to the studio but he felt bad because they went through the mail.
Howard congratulated Richard on the marriage. He asked about the guy who did the ceremony. Richard said he was great and it was very light hearted and fun. He said he's a restaurant owner in their neighborhood. Howard said Sal was kind of weird at the wedding with his mom. Richard said they were cool with it. They've hung out with Sal before.
Richard said his parents went home and it was like 110 in Kansas when they got home. Howard had the voice mail he left for Richard about that. Howard played the clip and Mr. Christy said it was 105 and it was supposed to get up to 107 that day. He said they about turned about and headed back to New York.
Howard said it sounds like he has a frog in his throat. Richard said his dad ate like 10 hot dogs around the city while they were there. He said he warned him against doing that. He said he got food poisoning from one. Howard said that's a guy who will pick up road kill and eat it. Howard asked if he's afraid that his mom is going to pass away and his dad is going to eat her.
Howard said Sal is always clearing his throat these days. He wondered what's up with that. Howard had a clip of him doing that on the Wrap Up Show. He played a clip of that and Sal kept clearing it in a really weird way. Howard said he does it all day. Richard said he's worried about second hand smoke from the fake cigarettes he smokes. Howard said the stuff you put in that thing has a skull and crossbones on it.
Howard congratulated Richard again and let him go. Howard had Jon give his Wrap Up Show rundown. Howard mentioned that he hasn't seen Cowboys & Aliens yet. Jon said he saw it and it was good. He said that it didn't do well at the box office though. Howard said he hasn't seen a bunch of cool movies lately. He said the studios aren't going to send him screeners now that the Super 8 incident happened. He said he's so paranoid about that stuff and he's super careful about it. That's what pisses him off. He said it has nothing to do with him but he gets blamed.
Howard had another voice mail from Richard's dad. He played that and in the clip he was talking about a basket he got from Richard and he was eating the gummy worms from it. His message was short but very informative.
Howard said he was reading about Tiger Woods letting his caddy go. Howard said some other golfer hired him and the other guy beat Tiger Woods' ass. Howard said that he had audio of the caddy talking about being Tiger's caddy for so many years and this is the best week of his life. He said he's had 145 wins and this was the best he's ever had. Howard said Tiger got his ass whipped and he's all freaked out after the sex scandal. Robin said Tiger expected to win after taking some time off and coming back.
Robin got to her news and said that they never really heard much from Jackie Onasis. Now they have some tapes of her that ABC News is sitting on. Robin said they're planning some big special about her. Robin read some details about that and how some of the details have leaked.
Robin read about Jennifer Lopez signing a 1 year deal with American Idol. She's now inking a new deal for $20 million. Robin said that Steven Tyler is upset about that since he signed a 2 year deal for $10 million. Now he's saying he should get that much. Howard said that's life. He signed a deal, she signed a deal. Howard said her career has been revived now. He knew she wasn't going anywhere.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary had a big weekend this weekend. He said he stared in that ''Rise of the Planet of the Apes'' movie.
The caller also told Howard that his Twitter account might have been hacked. He said that there were some links on his account. Howard said he didn't do it. The caller said he may have been hacked. Howard said he's not sure how that happens. Gary said he just looked it up and found that there were some odd pictures. Gary said he got hacked through TwitPic so he figured that he had to log out immediately or he'd get hacked. Howard said he didn't know anything about it.
Robin told Howard that Bill Maher had Elliot Spitzer and Bryan Cranston on his show this week. Robin said the show was very funny. She said that Bryan came out and looked at the two of them and said that they were going to get it on later. Bill was telling him to stop it. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Howard said he just noticed he has a pimple on his hand. He said it itched so maybe it was a mosquito bite. He said it popped when he squeezed it. He said he watches Fringe so he thinks it might be something really weird. Robin said she's started watching the show too.
Robin got back to her news and read about how Jerry Lewis isn't going to be on the MDA telethon anymore. Robin said that they sent out a press release last week and he's not going to be on the show at all. Robin said she's not sure if they had a discussion with him first. Robin said they're going in another direction this year. Howard said you can say what you want but he's raised more money for that charity than any other charity in the world. Howard said they should let the guy do whatever he wants. Robin said she thinks that this is the end of the telethon. Howard was still obsessed with his pimple thing. He said it's really weird and it itches. He said he's really neurotic. He's never had anything like that before.
Robin read about how this country's credit was downgraded. She said that Standard and Poor downgraded it last week. Robin said they decided that we are no longer AAA rated. We are now only AA rated and that's apparently a big deal. Robin said that says we are not as solid as people thought. Robin said they claim they didn't do it for political reasons. They're blaming the President and both sides of congress. Robin had some audio of a guy commenting on why they did this. Howard said he finds this whole thing to be very boring. He said he just zones out.
Howard said he wanted to do a tribute for Jerry Lewis. He said there is no one like him. He played some audio of him doing his thing on the telethon. Howard said he would love it if they brought out Tony Orlando to host and in the first year they announce that they found a cure for Muscular Dystrophy and they credit Tony with it. Howard played a few clips of Jerry having technical difficulties on the telethon. He had one clip of him having hearing aid feedback. He had some other clips where Jerry was giving some stage direction during the live show. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read some news about the heat that the President has on him right now. She had some audio of some people talking about how he'd be fired if he was in the private sector.
Robin read some news about the 31 people who were killed in a military helicopter crash in Afghanistan. Robin had some audio of one of the guy's wives talking about how great her husband was. Howard said the news is getting more depressing. He asked if she had anything good in there.
Robin said that someone died in a triathalon while running with his son. Robin said that he was 64 years old. The guy was pulled from the Hudson river after 8am during the swim segment.
Robin read about a guy who died while hiking in Utah when he fell off a cliff. Robin said he decided to take a hike and he disappeared. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how the family found him after he fell 20-30 feet. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about rapper Big Boi who was in Outkast. Robin said that he had a big hit with ''Hey Ya'' and had Howard play some of that. Robin said Big Boi was stopped and changed with drug possession last week. Robin said they found ecstasy pills and some other drugs in his bag. They also found Viagra. Robin said he's being held on $16,000 bail. Howard said he heard that the two guys in the band don't get along and they don't talk to each other.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they heard that Team 6 was shot down. Howard said he didn't hear that it was Team 6. The caller said they were saying that on CNBC. Robin said the crash did have Navy Seals but they didn't say it was Team 6.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Robin why she thinks that Captain America was a racist movie. Robin said she didn't say it was a racist movie. She said that they act like everyone served together and it wasn't like that in the 1940s. Robin said they had a woman in combat and black and white guys fighting together. Howard said that doesn't sound racist to him. Robin said that she didn't say it was. She just said that it wasn't accurate.
Howard took a call from a guy said that he may have atopic dermatitis on his hand. He said it can come from washing your hands too much and sanitizing too much. He said it can come in on your fingers too. He said that he should try washing without the anti-bacterial stuff. Howard said he has to be full of shit.
Robin read about how most of the 22 seals were part of Seal Team 6. She was just looking that up now. Howard said that's awful.
Robin read about how the new Kanye West and Jay-Z album is coming out today. Robin said they're under ''The Throne'' name now. Robin had Howard play some of that and Fred threw in some door slamming sound effects with the bass in the song.
Robin read about the movie ''The Help'' and had some audio of one of the stars talking about that. Howard let that play for a short time before cutting it off and asking ''Who cares?''
Robin read about how Katt Williams got thrown out of his own show over the weekend. Robin said he got thrown out and then tried to get back in so they had to call the cops on him. Robin said that the remaining shows for the weekend were canceled.
Robin read about the number one movie at the box office being ''Rise of the Planet of the Apes.'' She had some audio of Frita Pinto talking about the movie. Robin mentioned that Hugh Carey passed away. He was a former New York governor.
Howard wondered if he does have a dermatitis of some kind on his hand. He said maybe that caller was right. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon mentioned some of the other things they were going to talk about. He mentioned the screener of ''Super 8'' leaking out and how upset Howard is about that. Gary said that Howard is so careful about that too. He said that's what really gets to him. Gary said that a lot of people were accused of leaking that screener there. Tim Sabean was in so Jon asked if he was accused too. Tim said he wasn't.
Gary said Howard knows in his heart it wasn't him. He said his name is still on it though so that pisses him off. Jon asked why Howard gets picked on. Tim said that they know how to handle things there and there is no doubt in his mind that it was someone on the movie company's end.
Gary said that he knows the movie is on a site that a lot of people use but he would never use it because he's so afraid of getting a virus.
Jon said that they were talking about some of the stuff they bring up in the pitch meetings. He brought up Benjy's groping box and Benjy was denying it. Benjy said there is a context to it though. Gary said there might be but he has brought it up more than once. Gary said there have been times when he's brought it up and pitched it without context. Benjy said he doesn't do that. Jon and Gary both said he does.
Gary said that Benjy pitches ideas and they all make faces and groan. He said Howard will take the idea and turn it into a bit so that's how it works.
Jon said that when the ideas come up Richard and Sal constantly bring stuff up and crack Howard up. Gary said that if you watch Howard TV you see that they remind Howard about the dumb ideas they've had. They spent a minute on that and then had to take a break.
Gary said he heard that it was a bit of a walk to the wedding and there was a rave going on nearby and people were yelling at them when they would walk into the wrong place. Richard said he got soaked when people were squirting them with squirt guns. Gary said he heard some people almost got in fist fights. Richard said they did but they had no idea this was going on. Richard said it was at The Sequoia at the South Street Seaport. They've been going there for a long time now.
Richard talked about the guy who did the ceremony. He's a restaurant owner near where they live in Queens and his name is Mr. Shi. Richard said they wanted the wedding to be fun and that's what it was. He said it wasn't a religious thing and it was a lot of fun just like they wanted it.
Jon asked if anyone other than Howard and Gary didn't show up. Richard said there were a few people who couldn't make it. He said he didn't have any last minute surprises. Richard said that Scott the Engineer told him at the last minute he wasn't going to make it. Then Will didn't make it because his wife had their baby that night. They had a good excuse for not showing up. Richard said he thinks that's about it for the people who didn't show up.
Jon said that Richard and Sal weren't able to go too crazy there since it was Richard's wedding. Richard said that Ronnie took it easy too. He said he was warning them that he was going to do something crazy but he never did.
Jon asked Sal about hitting Jason with the weight joke. Sal said that he only hit him and no one else. Gary asked what he was thinking when he said that Maid of Honor was a piece of ass. Sal said he thinks it was a compliment. He said it was a spontaneous thing. He said it just hit him and he said she was a hot piece of ass. Gary asked if his wife said anything. Sal said she disappeared for about 45 minutes. He said he didn't think he had crossed the line with the speech though. Sal said he found his wife out on the deck and asked her where she was. She said she wasn't and she was just having fun.
Sal said he ran the speech by his wife and she said there were some crude things in there. He told her he didn't think there was any crude stuff though.
Jon asked Sal about the comment he made about Richard's mom having the golden vagine. Sal said that was taken out of context. He said that it just spontaneously turned into a good conversation. He said that Mr. Christy was dying laughing too. Richard told her that she didn't have to put up with it but she thought it was fine. He said it was a compliment to her vagina and there's nothing wrong with that.
Gary said he didn't want to get too deep into Sal's mind but he said something earlier. He claims to know where the line is but he feels he has to push the line. Sal said he walks a tight rope. Gary asked why he has to do that. Sal said that everyone there has implanted his paranoia into him and he has to watch what he says. He said his wife has told him to watch it too. He said he walks the tight rope and tries not to cross the line. Gary asked how often he wonders what he did wrong when he goes home. Sal said he got wasted on Friday night and woke up the next morning not remembering much. He said he asked his wife if he did anything wrong and she told him that he came close to doing some wrong things.
Sal said he once said to a dog groomer ''Denise, you're a dog groomer? Who the fuck grooms you... you look like a poodle on crack...'' and her boyfriend got pissed. He said his wife pulled him back and he knew he was wrong. He got a call from her brother the next day and he was upset with him over that.
Gary said Sal has gotten calls like that a few times. Sal said he has and he has gotten into some trouble for bringing up some things at parties.
Jon asked about Ronnie going up and performing ''Sweet Caroline'' and if Sal feels he has to perform like that. Sal said he wasn't crazy at Jason's wedding so he's not like that all the time. He said Howard tried to get him to do some things but he knows where the line is. He said he thinks that most people have a good time when he hangs out with them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard if he thinks that they're going to stop the gay stuff now. Richard said they were pretending to kiss each other at the wedding. Gary asked what was up with Sal putting make up on him. Richard said he has really white skin around his eyes and Sal was helping him out with that. Sal said that a lady suggested that he put some cover up on him. Sal said he told Richard he'd be happy to do that for him. Gary said that might be the gayest act they've ever done.
Sal said he heard that a lot of men put on make up for their wedding. Will said that with the new law in New York that's probably true.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he saw JD and High Pitch Mike slow dancing so he wondered if he got lucky. Jon said JD would have to answer that. Richard said Mike caught the bouquet. Richard said that all of his wife's single friends were all asking about one guy there. They were talking about him as ''pink tie guy'' and it turned out it was Jared Fox. JD heard about it and he texted his wife and said he hates all of her friends now.
JD came in and said that he heard Richard talking to Jared about the pink tie thing. Richard said JD just said to Jared ''fuck you Jared'' right to his face. JD said he doesn't want to hear it around him.
Sal said that when a woman starts talking about Jared JD gets really angry. Will asked if it's true that none of Kristen's friends were asking about ''double chin guy'' (JD). JD said that they can go fuck themselves.
Jon asked if they'd describe the wedding as typical. JD said he didn't know. He said he went to Will and Jason's and Howard's. Will asked how he looked at the wedding. The guys said he looked okay. Jon asked if he got any numbers. JD said he didn't. Gary asked if he went there with some hope of getting a number. JD said he did but then he walked into the room and all the hope went away.
Gary asked if he brought any condoms. JD said he didn't. Jon asked if he had to walk through the rave. JD said he did and it was the biggest pig fuck he's ever seen. JD said Scott DePace almost got into a fight there as he walked through. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said this is the first birth on the show for quite a few years. Benjy reminded him of Doug and Shuli's kids. Gary said he probably missed Brian Phelan's kid too.
Jon and the guys asked if Owen had a meaning. Will said it didn't really but his middle name, Thomas, does. He said that it's a family name on both sides.
Jon asked about the circumcision thing. Will said they hadn't decided until the last minute. He said he couldn't think of a good reason to do it so he just passed on it. Sal said as a teen he wished that he had been circumcised but now he's glad he wasn't. He said that he's done some great bits with that thing. Sal said he was embarrassed while hanging out with his friends. He said that he'd have to giggle along with his friends when they'd goof on other people with a foreskin. He said now he's okay with it.
Will said they told him that it's about 50 percent these days so it might not be so embarrassing for his son. Jon asked Sal if his kids are circumcised. Sal said they are because he was bothered with his own. He said he didn't want them going through what he went through himself. Jon said Howard says that he wishes he didn't have it done and he wouldn't do it with his own kids. Gary said you never know what you're going to do until you have to do it. He said his kids are circumcised.
Richard said that he has had the pleasure of hearing Will and his wife banging when he was living with them.
Will was there for the birth of his baby but it was a C-section. He said they kept telling him to sit down. He said they were getting ready to go to Richard's wedding and the next thing they knew they were at the hospital. He said her water broke and he wanted to wait. He said his wife insisted that the go now.
Sal said no man should ever look when a baby is coming out of that thing. Gary said it is hard to have sex with your wife when you see a head and arm coming out of there. Sal said he peeked once and that was it for him.
Sal asked Jon if he has ever seen a ghetto stripper scar. Sal said that it's loose skin like pizza cheese on a woman. He said it's kind of repulsive. Jon said his wife is ghetto scar free. Gary asked why it's a ghetto scar. Sal said that ghettos are white and black. He said he thought Gary understood that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show by taking a phone call. The caller said he saw that his buddy George Clooney was in the paper and he wondered how close he is to him. Howard said he was at Jimmy's party but they're not that close. The caller, Tommy, said he read that George is going out with Stacy Keibler. Howard said she's got an incredible ass. He said her body is great too. Tommy said that she'd be perfect for Howard if he was single. Howard said she is very pretty and she was nice when she was on the show. Howard said she was quite captivating. The caller said she looks gorgeous.
Howard said that George Clooney gets rid of one chick and moves another one right in. Howard said he has girls on deck ready to go. Robin said maybe he has a friendship going and then when he x's the other one out he has the next one ready.
Howard said George is great for her because he's high profile. Howard said he's not sure what she does. He said he'd have a hard time dating a wrestler though. He said that doesn't go well with him but he might make an exception for her.
Howard wondered if she was a wrestler. Tommy said she was a Diva and he's not sure what that even means. He said he's not a wrestling fan. Howard said JD knows a lot about her. JD came in and said that he has a poster of her hanging in his office. He said she did wrestle. Howard said that's a crazy, seedy world and he doesn't think he'd date her. He said he might bang her though. Howard said it's kind of like being in porno. He said it's an odd choice for your path in life.
Tommy said that they were talking about Chuck Zito yesterday and he heard Black on Black last night and they're going to be filling in for Ferrall. Howard asked what Tim is doing. Tommy thinks he's trying to start something with Chuck. Howard said 5 nights of Black on Black is a lot. Robin said Riley is going to be upset too.
Howard said Ronnie has always had that vomitus personality but he used to keep it under wraps. He said he knew about it but he wasn't always in the public eye. Howard said you just don't do that kind of stuff. Howard said Ronnie thinks he's funny when he does that stuff.
Howard said Tim Tweeted out a shot of Ross Zapin's balding head and that's not cool either. Howard said the guy is holding up and he knows that he's upset about losing his hair. Howard said he's not sure what Tim is up to. He said he's another character that wants to be a personality. He said Ronnie yelling out ''fuck you'' is wrong too. He said he's the belligerent guy.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made using clips of Ronnie auditioning for ''Wheelz.'' Howard said he's amazed that these guys stay on the phone. He said they get this belligerent guy on the phone and they stay on the line. Howard said he thinks that Sal and Richard will have a whole line of calls with those clips.
Howard asked when Ronnie got so bold that he can just yell out ''fuck you'' in the middle of a wedding. Howard said he thinks that it's his fault for putting them on the air. Howard said he hears that Ronnie might be getting a talk show and he's all pumped up about that. Howard said he's gracing them with his presence. Howard said he asked Ronnie what's going on with that and he says he's been told not to talk about it.
Howard said Ronnie thinks that he got the show because of Twitter. Howard said he got it because he's on this show. Robin said he really thinks it's Twitter and she wondered if he was out of his mind. Robin said Ronnie claims it's all because of Twitter.
Ronnie came in and said he never said it was because of Twitter. He said he got the sitcom offer from Twitter. Howard said Ronnie didn't get anything from Twitter. Ronnie said all he said was that they contacted him through twitter. Howard said he says that he always says that it's Twitter. Ronnie said he never said that.
Howard asked Ronnie why he said ''fuck you'' in the wedding. Ronnie said he didn't say a word. Ronnie said he wouldn't yell it out in the middle of the thing. He may have done it at the beginning of it. Howard said he shunt be yelling it out at all. Ronnie asked why he's breaking his balls. Howard said it wasn't his day so he shouldn't yell out. Ronnie said he never said it was. He said he didn't do anything wrong.
Ronnie said there was a lot of shit being yelled out. He said that it wasn't just him. Howard asked how his girlfriend felt when he did that. Ronnie said there was no talk about that. Howard said Ronnie is getting too full of himself.
Ronnie yelled out a fuck you to Howard too. He told Howard he was sitting in the back with his back to the door. He said that he heard someone yell out ''Ronnie, when are you getting married?'' Howard said he could have ignored that. He didn't have to jump in. Ronnie said he didn't remember yelling it back at him. Howard said that's because he says it so much he doesn't remember saying it. Howard said the person who told him about it was a lady. Ronnie said he bets the lady who said it is someone who curses. He cut himself off and said he wasn't going to say who he thinks it is.
Howard said he has to teach these guys that it's not their day. Ronnie said he knows that. Howard said when he's off the air he has a temptation to make things about himself because he likes attention. Howard said he has to stop himself. He said that Ronnie and guys like him want to have that attention and they can't stand it so they make themselves the pretty bride. Ronnie said he didn't do anything but answer the guy. Robin said it's like talking to a brick wall. Ronnie said he sang with her brother too so that makes him like her too? Howard said it does.
Howard told Ronnie when he yells out ''fuck you'' to someone he's jealous of the bride. Ronnie said that Robin forgot the gift Howard gave to her yesterday. Howard said she leaves her purse up there and she left that gift there. Ronnie said it's old age kicking in. Howard said Robin has a problem too and it's not old age.
Howard played a ''Personality'' song parody with Ronnie cursing and yelling out. Ronnie said he had a lot of shots at the reception and went to Rick's after that and had more. He said he had a great time that night.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie would yell out ''fuck you'' at a kid's party. He knows he'd do it at a Bar Mitzvah. He said he knows he likes to curse. Ronnie said he sang with Kristen's brother and he didn't do it because he wanted attention. He said he was just having fun and having a good time.
Howard asked Robin if she left her phones there last week too. Robin said she did. Ronnie said that they call him and ask him to hide it until she gets back there. Ronnie said yesterday it was the birthday present in the big orange bag. Robin said that she leaves it in her booth. She said she'll start doing something in there and she'll forget and go somewhere else. Howard said she should put them in her bag when she's done. Robin said she gets called away to do something for E!... oops, or Howard TV. Ronnie said she's getting senile because she just screwed up the E! and Howard TV thing.
Howard said Robin has to get organized. Ronnie said he saw her doing that yesterday. He said that he got the call about her forgetting her gift in the office. Howard said she has to get it together. He said it's awful and ridiculous. Howard said if she had to come back up and get those things she wouldn't forget them. Robin said she has had to do that. She said she got downstairs and forgot something. She had to come back up.
Howard asked how they got on Robin from Ronnie. Robin said he's deflecting on her. Howard said Ronnie has a history of acting like an idiot at times.
Howard asked if there were any kids at the wedding. Ronnie said that it was all people that they know. He said there were no kids there. He said he did it at the beginning of the ceremony. Howard said it's like the Ronnie and Tim Show. Ronnie said he didn't even know Tim was there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie just isn't funny. He said this is all about him and he should stop deflecting too. Ronnie said Robin is knifing him in the back so he has to defend himself. Howard told Ronnie he knows he's a big shot but he should let the bride shine and shut up. He said no one has ever taught him these things. He was raised like a wolf. Ronnie thanked him for insulting his dead parents. He said that's very nice of them. Robin said maybe they did a nice job and it was all Ronnie. Maybe he was untrainable.
Howard told Ronnie he could leave after that. Robin said she was looking up Stacy Keibler and she posts some wacky stuff on Twitter. She read some of her Tweets and she has every thought she has on there. Robin read a bunch of them and said she's not sure that's going to last with George Clooney. Howard said it might just last a month.
Howard asked Tim what's up with him and why he's yelling stuff out at the wedding. Tim said he thought it was an appropriate thing to yell out. People were having fun. Howard said it was that girl's wedding day. Howard said he could have said it in private. Howard asked when he became the blurt out guy. Tim said he had a good time and it was hysterical. Howard said he became a whole personality too. Tim said he teed it up for Ronnie and look what happened. Tim said he loves Howard.
Howard said they should have let the bride have her moment for 5 minutes. Robin said that it's not Ronnie's business what Tim is doing. Howard said he thinks of funny things to yell out and he censors himself before he does it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is an asshole. Howard told the guy he wasn't in there now.
Howard read some quotes from Rupert Murdoch and talked about how nutty the guy is. Robin said that he was testifying in front of Parliament and he was teary eyed and saying that it was a sad day for him but that's the kind of thing he does. Robin said the guy is a scoundrel. Howard said he doesn't think that because he doesn't want to be hacked.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to give Ronnie a chance. He said that he's a senior citizen and he's worked there for years. Howard said he tries to tell him how to behave but it takes him time to get it through his head. He said that he will know how to act at a wedding now but he might misbehave at a Christmas party. Howard said he's being rewarded for this stuff too. Someone wants to put him in his own TV show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves that Howard TV. Howard said they have some new stuff they're going to be doing for the Behind the Scenes show. The caller said that the only person he doesn't like is Jason. He said he hates seeing him in the studio when there are hot chicks in there. He said he likes Ronnie being on TV though. He said that's going to be a huge joke. Howard thanked the guy for his call but the guy asked if he had a game to play. Howard said he had to go.
Howard said that they have Psych coming in today to perform his 100th song for them. Howard said he is very prolific. Howard said he writes Robin songs all the time. Howard said he somehow calculated that it's his 100th. Robin said it can't possibly be. She said she must be making it up to get in there. Howard played some of Psych's songs about Robin like ''Tight Asshole'' which was a huge production to the tune of a Queen song. Howard said he doesn't think he could do that one live. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he didn't even know where to begin. He said he loved The Ramones. He said they were very underrated. Robin said they weren't underrated by other bands.
Howard said that he forgot to ask Tim why he sent out pictures of Ross' balding head. He said that he heard that they were in a meeting and Tim wasn't able to stand still. He was just messing with his phone. Howard said Gary noticed that and then he noticed he was taking pictures of Ross' head.
Tim came in and said that he's well rested. Howard said he heard that he blew an air horn in the Howard TV studio too. Tim then claimed that he took a picture of Ross accidentally. Howard said Tim is in a meeting and he has to act professional. Tim said he has a lot of things to do in his office. Howard said if Tim is doing that then all hell is going to break loose. Tim said no one even knew he did it. Howard said he sent it out to everyone. Tim said he did that after.
Howard said Tim can't be taking pictures of Ross' head. He said he's got to be in control. Tim also claimed that the air horn was a finger slip. Howard said he has to pull his shit together. Howard said he's an executive. Tim said he has it under control. He told Howard not to worry.
Howard said his picture wasn't even that good and Ross didn't look bald. Tim said that's why he sent it out.
Howard said Tim should smash some watermelons out there in the hall and become the next Gallagher. Howard said he's supposed to be the VP there but VP stands for Very Pathetic. Howard asked him to go back to work.
Tim said he has to have a meeting with Howard. He said he has to make sure he gets his input on some things. Howard said that Tim just wants some face time with him. Tim said he knows he has the time from there to his car. Howard said he has to meet with Howard TV today. Tim said it would just be 10 minutes. Howard asked Gary why he has to be in the loop. Gary said it's an evil loop.
Gary told Howard that they were in the Howard TV studio and they were all talking about contests and sales and prizes and Jason pointed out that Tim had his phone on Ross' head. He said Ross is very sensitive about that and if he had seen that phone there he would have thrown it across the room.
Gary said Tim was walking through the hall and saw Chuck Zito up there and told him that Brian Phelan is the guy who talks shit about him. Howard said you don't do that. Howard said that Tim has too much spare time and that's why he's got all of this energy. He has two assistants now. Tim just laughed. Howard said he doesn't want to have a meeting with Tim. He said he asks questions that he doesn't have answers for. He just wants him to do it and let him be in charge of his own radio show.
Howard said he knew a guy who inherited a family business and the guy who ran it was a real penny pincher. He said the son inherited it and built himself a huge office. Then he got himself box seats to events and things like that and they were bankrupt in a year or two. He said the bigger the office, the bigger the putz. Howard said when you own a business you have to stop with the ego.
Howard asked the guy what he does. He said he's in retail management and he thinks that his upper bosses have big offices. Howard said those guys are putz's then. Howard said he can be sure of that. Howard said he wants his guys to have room to work so they have equipment they can use. He said he's a big believer in that and not a big office for himself. He said that's a big waste of time and money.
Howard said he has some meetings in that little office but if he needs something bigger he has them in the studio. Howard said he doesn't need a big office. He said the guys with big offices... fuck 'em. Howard said you won't find anyone with big offices there. Howard said if you want a big office then build one at home.
Howard said Mel never had a big office either. He said he kept it small. Howard said that Mel went to CBS and shut down the chef they had there. He said he didn't need all of that. Howard said his father was the same way. He said he had a huge recording studio without an office. Howard said his father would do Transcendental Meditation in a closet. Howard said you don't need a big office.
Howard said he had Eric the Midget on the phone. Eric asked Howard if he knows what he wrote in his email. Howard said he hadn't even spoken to him yet. Eric said the nickname goes away and that's one of his demands. Howard said Eric wrote to them and he has a lot of demands.
Johnny said that Eric just told him that he hates him a few minutes ago. Eric said that's because he'd rather be sleeping. Howard said that Eric wants to come back on the show but he has demands. Johnny said that's his fault. He said he has less work coming in for Eric and without Howard he has nothing. Eric cut him off and said that he spent 8 years on the show and all he got were two acting jobs. Johnny said if he had taken the offers he got it could have been 20.
Howard said Eric isn't an actor and he has an unusual look. He said he got him two acting jobs he never would have had. Johnny said that Eric didn't take a job with Adult Swim because he felt it was too satanic. He said he could have had some work.
Howard said he has the demands and he's going to tell him what he's comfortable with. He said he has the 10 Demandments. Howard said Eric wants to come back on the show but no one asked him to come back. Eric says that he can't use the word midget on the show anymore at all. He said callers and the staff can't use the word at all. Eric thinks that he's not the only person who hates the word. He said he's spoken to other people about it.
Eric is also demanding that they stop saying that he's too demanding. He said they have to stop saying that on the air too. Number 3 is about the verbal abuse on the show. Eric feels that Howard is a hypocrite and he thinks that he has to stop with his own behavior and stop saying that he's being too demanding.
Howard said that Eric is also demanding that they don't put him in with the Wack Pack. He demands that they use Howard's connections to get him more acting gigs. He thinks that 2 gigs in the past 8 years isn't enough. Eric wants to be on game shows so he can get more money. Number 6 is a demand for respect when he calls in and no more taking phone calls from assholes. Number 7 was about set call times. He doesn't want to be on hold for hours. He was also demanding that he have Steve Langford's job on the West Coast. He wants to do reporting for them out there. Eric also demands that he win trips to all kinds of places like the Bunny Ranch and to see WWE wrestling events and things like that. Howard said that number 10 is that Eric gets to do a charity thing with some baseball game and Howard has to coach.
Johnny told Howard that he told Eric he was being too demanding and Eric told him ''fuck you.'' Howard said that he has his offer now. Howard said if Eric comes on the show he'll give him a sandwich and lock him in a pet cage.
Howard said he's going to take it seriously now. Howard said Eric the Midget is his name. Eric said it's not. Johnny said that's what people know him by. Eric said it's disrespectful and ignorant. Howard said he can't stop people from calling him that. Howard said even if he stops that's not going to stop the fans. Robin said she doesn't think she's ever called him that. Howard said he can't stop the world from calling him that. He said he has to understand that. Howard said he can't promise him that people will stop. Fred was playing a bunch of ''Eric the...'' clips and Eric told him to stop it.
Howard told Eric that he's a celebrity and people are going to bash him all day. He said that he gets that himself. Howard said if people feel a certain way about him he can't stop that. Robin said if they feel that he's acting a certain way they can't stop them from commenting.
Gary said that he was reading a quote from someone in Hollywood who said that she would like to see more Eric the Midget on Fringe. He's known as Eric the Midget. Eric said he is an actor and not a midget. Howard said Gary's point is that he's become so synonymous with that name that it can't be dropped. He said that this Hollywood producer knows him as Eric the Midget.
Howard told Eric he can't stop the verbal abuse from the fans. Howard said he can't keep him out of the Wack Pack either. Eric said that he would rather be considered a regular caller. Howard said people think he's in the Wack Pack because he's part of the fun of the show. Howard said he doesn't have to think he's in it but people will lump him in there. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn isn't in the Wack Pack but King of All Blacks might be. But maybe not. Howard said Mariann might be because she has a funny voice. Elephant Boy is in it because he has a funny voice.
Howard said that he got Eric two acting gigs. He said it's shocking he even got those. Johnny said he got him more than that. Eric just turned them down. Howard said he has to take what he can get. Eric said that he has been sitting on one connection and it's his movie wife's ''In Plain Sight'' show. Howard said he can't agree to any of these demands. Howard said he can't go through them point by point. Howard said he was a caller who called in and he enjoyed having him on. He said he can't tell him he won't put him on hold or anything like that. He said Eric is not in a position to make demands.
Eric told Howard that the first paragraph says it has to be agreed upon or he won't return. Howard said he can't agree. Eric said he won't return then. Howard said that's the way it has to be then. He said he can't agree to those demands.
Johnny asked Eric about all of the job offers he's had and turned down. He said he has turned down so many things. Eric said that he didn't turn down Pit Boss. Johnny said that he did because he refused to go on Stern. Eric said that's only because of that stipulation. Howard said the only good thing that's ever come out of his life is this show. Howard said everything that comes out for his acting is because he was on this show. Howard said he doesn't care if he doesn't want to be on the show. He said he's fine with that. Don't be a part of it.
Johnny said that he's told Eric not to read SternFanNetwork. Howard said he doesn't even read it. Howard said that he can't be upset with Johnny for not getting him gigs if he's not going to be on this show. Johnny is saying that he has to be on this show to get those offers. Howard said Eric is in no position to negotiate. Johnny said he tried to tell him that before he made the call.
Johnny said he got an offer from Adult Swim and he turned it down. He was supposed to play some satanic thing and Eric didn't want to do it. He doesn't like the satanic stuff.
Howard asked Eric if he has ever seen True Blood. Eric said he watches every episode. Howard said that they don't turn down roles because it's satanic. They're acting. They act out the roles. Howard said Eric could have been a cartoon and he turned it down because he thinks it's satanic. Eric said that he played a role on the show for 8 years. Howard said he doesn't understand why he'd turn down that role on Adult Swim. Eric said he didn't remember what the words were. Howard said Eric curses him out in hie email so he's not sure what words they would be.
Johnny said that Eric gets mad at him over this stuff. He said he has a 9 year old and a 2 year old and he can't go out and throw the ball with the kid. He said he has arms that hurt. He said he has a grandson who exposes himself to everyone. Howard said what Johnny is saying is that he has a very busy life and he can't help him out with this stuff if he's not helping himself. Howard said he can't turn down jobs because he thinks they're too satanic. Johnny said it was just a cartoon too. Howard said he has to take these jobs.
Johnny said that Beezid had a good offer. He had a porn company that wanted Eric to do some stuff for them but it was just to promote a porn movie. Robin said he watches porn so he's not opposed to that. Howard asked Eric why he turned that down. Eric said that was for Vanessa Blue and he's not sure why he turned that one down.
Howard told Eric he wants him to be happy. If he doesn't want to call into the show then don't call. He just wants him to be happy doing whatever it is he's doing. Howard said if he doesn't want to promote a porno then don't do it. Johnny said the well gets to be dryer and dryer the longer he waits to come back on the show.
Howard said he can't agree to any of his demands. Howard said if he gives into his demands then everyone will start making demands. Howard said he'll end up in court with Speech Impediment Man.
Howard said maybe he's wrong and he should check with the fans to see what they think. Eric said that he thinks that he screwed up his chances of doing a JJ Abrams show with the pirated movie. Howard said he had nothing to do with that. Howard said he's an honest guy and he would never bootleg something with his name on it. He said he'd have to be a moron to do that. Robin said they wouldn't hold it against Eric either. Howard said JJ loves him.
Johnny told Howard that Eric got a call from Robert Mills to be on ''Take the Money and Run.'' Howard said that all comes from the show and he should take the offer. He said he will tear up Eric's demands right now. He said he had to take a break. Howard said Eric isn't in the position to make demands like that. He said it's up to Eric about coming on the show. He still likes him and he will take his calls but he won't force him to do anything. Eric said that he sent a third email to them and he didn't read that. Robin said his demands are not met. Howard asked what the third email was. Eric said it was extending upon some of the demands. Robin said if they're more restrictive they're not going to be met. Howard said he didn't even meet the other demands.
Johnny said that the Robert Mills situation is out there and he's not sure if it's real. Howard said he knows Ralph mentioned something to him about it and he was hoping that Eric could be on with him. He said that he mentioned that to Robert Mills. Howard said Robert Mills knows Eric the Midget so that's why they use that name. Johnny said there is a way to do this and he wondered what Eric wanted to do. Howard said they've laid it out for him a hundred times. This is the way it has to be.
Howard told Johnny to tell his client that his demands are outrageous. Howard said it's like he's demanding to be a Supreme Court Justice. Howard said that's just not going to happen. Robin said maybe he can take his demands to another show. Howard said another show might be willing to put up with them.
Eric said he was still holding a grudge against Johnny for going to Miami to be on Smackdown and he didn't even get invited. Eric said he's a bigger fan than they are. Johnny said they went down there to work. They weren't just going on a trip. They were on a work trip. Howard said Johnny has a chopper business he runs. Howard said Johnny will take him on trips when he can. Johnny said he goes to Toys R Us every day and he'd love to take Eric there any day. He said he can get any toys he wants if he comes up and visits.
Johnny said they went to Miami and they made a chopper for McMahon so that's why they were there. Howard asked why he doesn't treat Eric like his son and bring him on every trip. Johnny said it was a fast trip and he wanted to get in and out quickly. That doesn't happen with Eric. Johnny said there are a lot of things he'd have to work out with Eric. Howard said he's a massive headache to bring on a trip. He complains about everything.
Johnny said that Eric calls him about money all the time and he's had all of these job offers and he never takes any of them. He said he turns them down and then complains that he doesn't have money. Howard said Marty (the Midget) Kleva took all kinds of jobs before he made it. He said that Eric isn't taking any of the offers he's getting.
Howard asked Eric if he would play a Nazi in a movie. Eric said no. Robin said that's why he can't be called an actor. These are acting gigs. Eric said he wouldn't play a drug dealer in a role either. Howard said that he's not an actor if he doesn't want to play different roles. Howard said that Tom Cruise played a Nazi in a movie. He said that Brad Pitt played a satanic guy in a movie.
Howard asked if Eric would be in a video for Katy Perry's ''I Kissed a Midget And I Liked it.'' Johnny just laughed. Eric didn't get a chance to answer.
Howard asked Eric if he would ever play an alcoholic. Eric said no. Howard laughed. Johnny just said ''Oh my god...'' Howard asked if he would play a shoplifter. Eric said no. Johnny said he plays that role himself. Howard said he has to go. This is too funny but he has to go. Eric said that he would play on ''In Plain Sight'' and play someone who witnesses someone murdering someone. Howard said that he has to write that down. That's the one role Eric is willing to take. Howard said maybe the stress of witnessing the crime makes him an alcoholic and makes him worship the devil. Eric said he won't play that part. Johnny said that it's just a part! Howard asked if he would play Mary McCormack's talking baby. Everyone laughed... except Eric.
Howard wished them luck and said he really had to go. Johnny said you can see all of his Mob Week stuff on AMCTV.com. He's also doing some stuff for National Geographic in September too.
Eric said he wants to go with Johnny to some shows and to his party and things like that. Howard wrapped up and thanked them for calling in. Howard said it was good to speak to them. He wished Johnny and Eric good luck dealing with each other.
Fred played the music from Mars Attacks after Howard let them go. He played some ''Eric the...'' clips after that too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what they were listening to. Fred told Howard it was the Red Hot Chili Peppers new song. Howard said he was reading about how they don't have anywhere to play their music. Howard said it's weird that there are no stations around to play that kind of music. Howard said that Gary's son was asking him to get a CD for him and he didn't know where to get one. Robin said there are stores that carry CDs. Howard said the whole business has changed and he finds it very unusual.
Howard said Psych will be coming in to perform live in a few minutes. He took a call from Bobo who asked if Robin got laid for her birthday. Robin said she did not. Bobo asked what kind of guy she's looking for. Howard just hung up on him.
Jeff the Drunk called in and demanded that they get rid of Eric the fucked. Howard asked what else he wanted. Jeff said his doctor is a big fan of his and she was wondering if they still have the death pool. They don't. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said that was fascinating.
Howard said he has a bunch of people on the phones. He took a call from a guy, Tom, who said he's his kind and lord. He said he just wanted to say he's going to Afghanistan and he wanted to say goodbye. He was hoping that Howard would come to visit him this year. Howard wished him luck and said that's a brave thing to do. the caller asked if Beth could come over instead of Howard. Howard said he'd be a lot better off.
Howard said he thinks that our time in Afghanistan should be over. Howard said he doesn't want to see more of these guys dying over there. He said that they're trying to clean up over there so it's not a haven for terrorists but he thinks that they'll return as soon as we leave. Howard said guys like Tom are going to lose their lives fighting over there. Robin asked if he feels that they have to finish a job. Howard said he's not sure that's a realistic thing to finish that job over there. He doesn't think they can do what they think they can.
Howard said that maybe they should leave it at this. They killed Osama bin Laden and a bunch of other guys so maybe they should just give that to them as a warning. Howard said maybe we have to rethink the whole thing.
Howard said he zones out with this Standard and Poor's thing about the country's credit rating. Howard said he gets the feeling it's bullshit. Fred said it is bullshit. Howard said what they've done is spread panic. Howard said the stock market responded and fell. Robin said that they're saying that the way the debt ceiling was handled is what did it.
Howard said this was a bad thing they did and he doesn't like it. Robin said it was their way to tell the government that they're acting like a bunch of idiots in front of the world.
Howard played another one where this reporter is talking about a trial and she starts choking and can't speak. They cut away for a minute and then go back to her and she's still having problems with her throat. Howard said it's like Sal trying to clear his throat.
Howard said Sal might want to look into giving up the smokeless cigarettes. He said he might want to look into that. Howard said he evidently does it all day long. Howard said he suspects that a lot of it is psychosomatic.
Howard played another clip of a reporter screwing up saying ''cock fighting'' and then another one where a reporter says ''cunt'' instead of ''money our country can borrow.''
Howard had a letter he got about this guy who drives a truck and he recognizes the studio mailers that have movie DVDs in them and he's able to copy them and put them back in the mail. Howard said this kind of thing goes on all the time. He just doesn't like that his name has something to do with it. Howard said it's possible that someone just made it up to look like it was his name on it.
Howard said that some people think that he's such an imbecile that he'd put that bootleg out himself. Like that would be brilliant.
Howard said he read that Dave Chappelle got on stage and told one joke and spent 45 minutes on stage just sighing. Howard said that he just stood there and texted and did other things while the audience asked him o tell some jokes. Howard asked what happened to that guy. Robin said he's done a few wacky things over the years.
Howard said he heard about JD getting upset that Jared was getting the attention of the girls at the wedding. Howard said he told JD that good looking men and women have a different life than they do. Howard said JD wanted the girls to pay attention to him. Robin asked if he looks at all of the good looking girls. He's not looking at the pigs. JD said he wasn't upset at that. He was upset that it was being shoved in his face. JD said he knows he's ugly and he doesn't need that rubbed in his face. Howard said JD has to lose weight. JD is up to about 200 pounds. Howard said he used to be a lot thinner. He said he has other things to battle in his life.
Howard said that JD used to be a butter face but now he doesn't even have the body. Howard said his buddy Stu used to get the girls and it was because he was good looking guy. Howard said that you have to stay thin at least though. Howard said he understands JD because he's like a son to him. He said if he did have a son he'd probably look like him.
JD said he wasn't angry at the wedding. This happened after. Howard said he gets why he's upset. JD said there was one girl there who was single and a fan of the show but Ronnie dragged her over to Gange instead. He said that they're way closer than he and Ronnie are.
Ronnie came in and said that the girl wanted to meet Gange. Ronnie said JD yelled at him for doing that later. Ronnie said he didn't do anything wrong. Ronnie also told Howard that he didn't say ''fuck you'' at the wedding. He said ''shut up asshole.'' He said that the woman who told him that should shut the fuck up. Howard said he's glad he cleared that up.
Howard said the word about JD is that he always focuses on the hottest girl in the room and not the girls he could actually get. Ronnie said that there was a blonde at the party who he didn't talk to. Howard said he set his sights really low when he was starting out. Howard said he has fucked a girl with missing teeth and a girl with a baby arm. He said sometimes you lower your sights. Ronnie said he fucked a girl with Palsy braces. Howard said JD should fuck girls with one eye. He said maybe he should fuck girls who are his own weight. JD told everyone to yuck it up. Howard asked if he would fuck a girl with a bald spot.
Fred was cracking everyone up by doing his Ronnie impression and goofing on him about the intern he had watching his dog. He was also playing an air horn clip in reference to Tim's air horn story from earlier in the show.
Ronnie said his girlfriend has some friends they might be able to hook up with JD. He said that maybe they can get him hooked up with Jane Fonda. She's due up there today. Howard said that Sal was talking about saggy pizza skin on chicks who have babies. Ronnie said he was talking about strippers who have c-section scars and he was calling them ''ghetto scars.''
Ronnie said they tried to get JD to go out with them after the wedding but he was all angry and didn't want to go. JD said he wasn't in the mood. He said he didn't want to deal with strippers that night. Howard said he heard that people were smoking weed at the wedding. JD said that might have been going on. JD said he doesn't do that stuff. Howard said if he wants girls he should go to Rick's. JD said it's more of a business for them though. Howard asked why he cares. Ronnie said JD went out with a girl from Rick's for a while.
Howard said he's sorry JD had a bad time at the wedding. JD said he had a good time there. He was fine. Howard said he should go to Rick's because Lonnie will kill a girl if they don't pay attention to him there.
Howard said he has to get to Psych and let him sing to Robin. Howard said he didn't know that Psych was blind. Ronnie said he's a nice guy. Howard asked JD if he would go out with a blind chick. JD said he's not sure. Howard said he's very picky.
Howard said that Robin had some of Stacy Keibler's Tweets and talked about how inane they were. Howard asked Robin what her last one was. Robin said she hasn't posted anything today.
Howard said that Alyssa Milano Tweets the news like she's CNN. He said she appears to Tweet every 5 minutes. Howard said she was doing it before she was pregnant. Howard said he thought that she'd post pictures of herself but she just Tweets the news. Howard said Stacy Keibler just sends out positive quotes all day long.
Robin read an older Tweet from Stacy and she was talking about a guy saying he was a fan and she said it was great to know she has fans around the world. They read some of her other goofy tweets. She said that ''Good things happen to good people.'' Howard asked what the 8 year old kid with cancer thinks about that one. Gary read a bunch more of her quotes and she says really lame stuff. Robin read some of her Tweets too. Stacy just talks about what she's doing and posts lame quotes.
Howard asked JD if he would fuck a super hot mentally retarded woman who has an IQ of 60. JD said that she'd have to know what she's doing. JD said if they know what's going on... ''I don't know.'' Howard let him off the hook and went to break.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that Beth was on FOX and Friends this morning. Howard said he forgot about that. He said he also forgot that he's getting another cat today. He said that he enjoys the two cats they have immensely but now she's getting another one. He said they tell you to get adult cats. Howard said you don't know what a kitten is going to be like. Howard said that they have Apple and Walter now and then Beth tells him they have another black cat at the shelter and she wanted to bring it home. The thing weighs 18 pounds. Howard said Beth is so moved and emotional about them. He said that the poor cat has been there forever. Howard said his vote would be no because they have a perfect situation as it is. He said that the cats wake him up and keep him from typing on the computer and things. He said she started in and he gave in.
Howard said that Robin is his problem. He said that Beth brought up that she had 7. Howard said he had to tell Beth that Robin is out of her mind. Howard said he was happy with what they had but Beth said she'd be so happy if she could bring it home. Howard said if that's what she wants to do to him then go ahead. Robin said he has plenty of room. Howard said he was so happy with what they had. Robin said he didn't want the first or second cat either.
Howard said Beth makes him name the cats so he gets attached. He told her to stop that. Robin said that she had to take in Leroy and he's wonderful. She said that he gave up a kidney for her other cat.
Howard said he saw the pictures of the 18 pound cat and they're going to have to put it on a diet. Howard said he's going to put his foot down after this. He said they have to keep the cats inside and they don't want them escaping. Howard said they have to yell at the guests to make sure the doors get closed. Howard said he can't even use his porch because the cats might get out.
Howard said Beth will say they'll keep this cat downstairs but that won't happen. He said that was supposed to happen with the last cat. It didn't work out that way. He said 3 cats is too many. He said two was okay. Robin said she ended up with Allison Steele's sister's cat. She had 2 and that woman told her that she had 21 Persians in a 2 bedroom apartment.
Howard asked Psych how he lost his vision. He said he lost it due to a tumor when he was a little kid. He said that he wasn't sure how it all happened. Howard kept asking questions about it and he couldn't get a straight answer. Psych was acting kind of strange so Howard pointed that out. Psych said that he really didn't know the answers to his questions.
Howard asked if he can get laid. Psych said he gets laid from being in a band. He said he has a girl right now. Howard asked if he jerks off and thinks about what a woman looks like or thinks about the feel. Robin noticed that he had breasts on his guitar. Psych said he had it made specifically for Robin.
Howard asked Psych how long he's been sending in songs. He said it's been just over a year. Howard said that Little Mikey doesn't like him for some reason. Psych said that there's a whole war going on out there that Howard doesn't know about. Psych said that he's doing some work with Shadoe Stevens and the fans have been insane. He said he went into his inbox and people were saying all kinds of stuff about his stuff.
Howard said he was going to play some of Psych's stuff and then let him perform live. He played ''In Robin's Tight Ass'' and Howard said he seems to love Queen. Psych said he does love them. Howard played one of his other Queen parodies that he played earlier in the show.
Howard asked Psych how he does all of this stuff with no vision. Psych said he has it all down and he's able to do it piece by piece. He said he doesn't have a very good memory but he's able to do these songs. Howard asked how he mixes the stuff. He said he uses ProTools. Howard asked how he does that without seeing the screen. He said that it's just a regular Mac and he can use the accessibility settings to let him know what's happening on the screen. He said he can even play games.
Psych said he's never gone to blind schools or anything so he taught himself how to type. He said he knew how to type like 140 words a minute when he was very young. He said he doesn't use a cane or a dog or anything either. He just tries to get around.
Howard played another one of Psych's songs. That was ''I Need Her Behind.'' Psych said he writes the songs so he can hear Robin laugh. He loves when he hears that. Howard played another one of his songs, ''Anal Pain,'' to the tune of ''Purple Rain.'' He sang along with that one. He asked Howard to let that one roll until the end. He says ''Gimme that ass'' at the end of the song.
Howard asked Psych if he ever smells ass with his super sensitive smell. He said he does have that super sensitive smell. Howard asked if he knows what he looks like. Psych said he has no idea. He said he's been told he looks kind of like Howard though. Howard said he might with long hair.
Howard asked Psych to reveal what this 100th song is that he's going to play today. Psych got set up and Howard got him set up so he looked like he was staring at Robin. Then he broke into song and sang the new song to her. He was singing ''Let's Fuck Tonight'' and some other stuff too. He did a little medley of songs for her. He stopped at one point so Howard told him to keep going. He said he's an amazing guitar player. Psych kept going with a few more songs.
Howard asked how hard it is to play guitar being a blind guy. He said he doesn't know any other way. Howard took some calls and let some callers tell him how great he was. One guy was blind and said that it's great to hear another blind guy showing off his talents. He said he likes that he's showing that blind guys don't just sit around and do nothing.
Howard asked Psych to give them one more song. Psych said he wanted Robin to sing along saying Boobs and Titties...'' but Robin didn't want to do it. Howard said Psych has been singing to him the whole time. He told him he was facing the wrong direction.
Psych performed another song for Robin. It was ''Black Bird'' for Howard. Howard asked if he was ever in a band that had any success. He said that he was in a band called Psych years ago and it never took off. Howard asked if he's getting paid for doing the Shadoe Stevens show. He said he is getting paid very well for that. He said he's doing some other stuff as an engineer. He said he recorded the Bloodhound Gang too.
Howard asked Psych to give them one last Robin song. Howard asked when he last got laid. He said it was Sunday. He said his girlfriend doesn't listen to the show so he can put himself out there.
Psych did another song for Robin to the tune of ''Fuck You.'' Howard said he likes his cover of Purple Rain too. Psych sang some ''Anal Pain'' for them too. Howard sang along with him.
Howard took a call from Rachel Butera who was doing her Little Lupe impression. She had some fun with him for a minute.
Shadoe Stevens called in and said that he heard Psych on the show and he had to have him do some stuff for him. He said that he didn't know that he was blind at first either. He said that he met him last week and that's when he found out what was really going on. Howard asked Shadoe how he's holding up. Shadoe said that he's in his 60s and he's holding up fine. Howard said he used to have that blond hair. Gary said that he went online and found pictures of his daughter. He said that she's really pretty. Shadoe said that she's 24 years old. Gary said that she's half African American and beautiful. Howard thanked Shadoe for calling in. Shadoe said he's a big fan.
Psych did another song for Howard. He was doing a Bee Gees impression in that one. He sang about how he likes to hear Robin moan.
Howard asked Psych if he's friends with Little Mikey. Psych said it's been nice being there. Howard said it seems like they don't like each other. Psych said that he's a crazy fucking dude and he got everyone against him. He said that there's some kind of hate site for him saying that he sucks but he didn't do anything to the dude. He said that it's insane out there. He said people slam each other and claim they're being black listed and things. He said that people don't have a clue who is going to be on and they say that Sal is keeping you off and things like that. Howard said he thinks Robin started two of the anti-Psych sites.
Howard asked Psych if he could do some ''Pussy Face.'' Psych did some of that song. Howard thanked him for coming in and asked if he had a web site he wanted to plug. He said he does have PsychMusic.com. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from Wheels who said that Psych should have his own show. He said that he was wondering why he's not on Twitter. Howard said that he got to hug Robin out in the hall. Robin said that she thought he was going to recognize her voice but he really didn't. He thought she was Lisa G. Howard asked if he grabbed her ass or anything. Robin said he was very appropriate. Robin said that he did say that he hopes she doesn't take offense to his songs.
Howard said Little Mikey did another one about Robin. He played that one and he was singing to the tune of Lady Gaga's ''The Edge of Glory'' about being in his bed squirting his goo. Howard said Mikey loves Robin too. He played another one from Mikey that was to the tune of ''Bang a Gong.''
Howard said that Mikey and Eli Braden collaborated on a song too. He played that one and the two of them performed ''Gorgeous Mounds.'' Howard said he thinks that they could put together a concert with Mikey, Psych and the Bleeding Deacons.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects and that got Howard talking to Robin about forgetting his gift yesterday. Robin said that she blames Gene for telling Ronnie about that. She said she was embarrassed enough and she didn't need Ronnie going around blabbing about that. Jon finished up his rundown mentioning that Howard is getting another cat today. Howard said his vote apparently doesn't matter.
Howard took a call from Mariann in Brooklyn. She said that she didn't make a hate page for Psych like he said she did. She said that she's all about honesty. Howard cut her off and hung up.
Howard took another call from a guy who told him not to let Beth get another cat because he'll end up with 9 like he did. Howard said he's putting his foot down. The guy said that people end up talking to the cats in different ways. Howard said Beth does that with their two. The caller said that it's going to get a bit schizophrenic when he's up to 9 cats. Howard said he will be the proud owner of 3 but that's it. No more.
Robin read some news about this Pippa Middleton chick from the Royal Wedding. Robin said that she's gone global and she's got a TV show on TLC tonight. Robin said that she's getting a lot of media coverage and she has a standing offer to do one scene with Vivid Video. Robin said she's ranked very highly for recognition these days.
Robin read about soccer and how they have signed a 7 year old in Argentina to an exclusive deal. Robin said he will be unavailable to any other team as long as he's under contract. Howard said that's a cool idea. He said they should do that with football players.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Lady Gaga interview blew him away. Howard said he read an article yesterday about how that song she did on the show did more good for her than anything she's done. Howard said that the guy who wrote the article said it was probably more important to her career than any video she's put out. Howard said a lot of guys like this guy on the line saw that she has talent and it was like an image change for her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to ask how long it will be before a baby comes. Howard said he might have to have a kid to stop the cats from coming. Howard said 3 is his limit. The caller asked if his wife stopped having sex with him, would he stay with her. Howard said no. that would mean that she's not attracted to him anymore and what's the point? He said that's part of the relationship. Howard said he loves her and he loves being with her. He said if she was incapable of having sex he'd have to cheat. He might have to go to Robin and ask her to help him out.
Robin asked if Howard is watching ''The Bachelor Pad.'' Howard said he's not. He said he knows all of the contestants but he's not watching. Robin said she checked it out. She told Howard about some of the stuff that's going on and she said she's mortified that she knows who some of them are.
Howard said Celebrity Rehab is great this season. Robin said she's hooked. She said she loves killers and they have this Amy Fisher on the show. She said she is absolutely crazy. Howard agreed and said that she's insane. Howard said she has no ability to see herself. Robin said she loves that she can't see herself and she cries about people being mean to her. Howard said the stars are the ladies on the show. He said Steven Adler is great too. He said he's constantly busting Amy's balls. Howard said Bai Ling is fantastic. He said they have some fabulous drug addicts on the show and he congratulated Dr. Drew on a great season. Robin said that Amy Fisher is the best because she doesn't get why people are mean to her. Robin said she has this duck face now with the lips sticking out. She said it's really interesting. Howard said if Steven Adler is telling you that you have a problem then you probably do. Robin said that Michael Lohan is nuts too. She said she can see why that family is so messed up. That led to Fred playing some of Amy's husband audio clips where he's telling Amy to rub her clit and things like that.
Robin got back to her news and read about a second person dying during a triathalon. Robin said that they're looking to change it since people are dying during the race. Howard said people drop dead from a lot of things. Howard said a woman dropped dead after an allergic reaction to having sex with a dog. Howard read about that in an Irish newspaper. Howard said she died from the allergic reaction. Howard said that the dog's penis caused the reaction apparently. Robin said that it may have been the dog's semen. Robin said she doesn't feel bad about that. She had 4 kids and they'll probably end up in a better place.
Robin read a story about a woman who was trying to swim from the United States to Cuba. Robin said she was a world class swimmer and she wanted to swim but she encountered shoulder pain and asthma problems so she had to end it early. She was in the water for 29 hours. Robin said that she was trying to make the swim without a shark cage and she's 61 years old. Robin said she was reportedly vomiting when she got on the rescue boat. Howard went to break after that.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read a story about the Dow Jones dropping by 500 points after the Standard and Poor's credit rating dropping. Robin had some audio of Donald Trump talking about that. Robin said that Trump is talking about running for President again in 2012. She had some audio of him talking about that too. She had some audio of some other people talking about the stock drop and how oil prices have dropped as well.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that his Apple stock dropped to $350 and he said it's a good time to buy. He said that it's a great time to buy right now.
Ralph told Howard he should be watching The Bachelor Pad. He said it's really good. He said the broads are all insane on that show. Howard said he told everyone to watch those shows and now they're all seeing what he was seeing.
Robin read a story about President Obama saying he inherited the nation's debt problem. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about the famine going on over in Africa. Robin said that the average person doesn't even know that's going on. Howard said that they don't have oil over there so there's no money. Robin said that if there's a natural disaster people will pour money into it but this isn't getting any interest. Howard said that the governments and warlords over there want to keep their people hungry. Howard said the people there at work don't have any issues with getting food. He said they're all getting fat. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what's going on over in Africa. Howard asked her to find something positive to report on.
Robin read about a massacre that went on in Ohio over the weekend. Robin said this guy started killing people. He ended up targeting an 11 year old and killed him. Robin said that they're not sure why he did that to the 11 year old.
Robin said there's also a serial killer in Ohio who killed at least 11 people. Robin had some details about that and had some audio of the guy apologizing for what he did. He told the jury about being hit with a cane and a broom when he was being raised.
Robin said that Amazon.com is now selling body bags. Robin said you wonder why people would need that. Robin said you can pick one up for under $30. Robin said that they're being sold by a company that sells crime scene items. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a duchess over in some country that is going to have to give up her billions to marry someone she loves. Robin said she's 85 years old though. She has 6 children and they're upset about what she's doing.
Robin read about Jay-Z and Kanye West's new album. She had some audio of their first single from their album. Fred ended up playing the slamming door sound effect to go along with that. She also had some audio of Kanye West making some weird comments comparing himself to Hitler.
Robin read about Gavin Degraw getting beat up and hit by a taxi in New York. Robin said that the singer was attacked by some people after leaving a restaurant. They left him with a broken nose and battered face. He wandered into the street and was hit by a taxi. He's supposed to perform at Jones Beach this weekend.
Robin read about how they're remaking the movie ''Dirty Dancing.'' Howard said that's awful. Robin said they have said it will be modernized for the current generation. Robin took that as meaning it's going to suck. Howard said it would be great if at the end of the movie they kill Baby off by having her fuck a dog and she dies of an allergic reaction. Fred played ''I Had the Time Of My Life'' with a dog barking clip thrown into that.
Robin said that Nicki Minaj was on Good Morning America the other day and her breast popped out on live TV. Howard said he saw that and got a laugh out of it because we're so upset about seeing a breast on TV. Robin said it happened to another woman at a club in New Jersey the other night. Both of her breasts were seen. Howard and Robin said they're not sure what the big deal is about seeing a breast.
Robin read about the new Final Destination movie that's coming out. She had some audio of one of the stars talking about the movie. Howard cut that off pretty quick and wondered who cares anyway.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about the new movie ''30 Minutes or Less.'' Howard didn't care so he cut that guy off.
Robin read about ''The Help'' had told Howard what that movie is about. Robin had some audio of one of the stars talking about the film. Howard said he went to a party and met a bunch of women from the movie. He said that some of them were fans.
Robin had some audio of another star talking about her movie. Howard didn't last long with any of them. Robin said that the new Conan the Barbarian movie is coming out and it's in 3-D. Howard said he wants to see that. He said he thinks it might be good. Robin had some audio of Rose McGowan talking about the movie. Howard said he's never heard Rose put so many words together so rapidly before.
Robin read about Jane Fonda's new book coming out. Howard said she's supposed to be up there today but not to see them. Robin had some audio of her talking about being 73 and how she's never been happier. Howard said that's kind of sad. Howard said he might have to read her book after he heard what she had to say about it.
Robin said that they're hinting about what might happen on Dancing with the Stars this season. Ice T's wife Coco might be on the show this season. She has been Tweeting out asking her fans to write to ABC to get her on the show. Robin said names like Snooki have come up too. Mike Tyson too. Howard said he doesn't care about Mike Tyson dancing. He said that would be kind of sad. They ended the show a short time later. Right around 10:10am.
Jon said that Ronnie seemed to go at Robin a little bit today. Gary said he was going after her a bit. Ronnie was in the studio so he talked about how she likes to stab him in the back so he did the same to her today. Ronnie said it was just time to get back at Robin. He gets Howard too. Jon said that Robin was upset that Ronnie was the one who Gene told about the gift. Ronnie said she stabs him in the back all the time.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Ronnie telling Howard that he likes to put out teasers for the show on his Twitter account. Ronnie said he likes to put out stuff like that. This morning he put out that the party is over and he wondered who the bait was going to be today in the shark tank. Gary said that people thought he was fired and that he was drunk when he was going to work today.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thought he was going to be the one in the shark tank this morning. Ronnie said he didn't. He thought the whole Richard's wedding thing was over. Ronnie pointed out that he didn't say ''fuck you'' to Tim. He said ''Shut up asshole.'' Gary said that's not all that different. Ronnie said he heard out of nowhere someone yelling his name and his natural reaction was to tell him to shut up. He said he didn't even know Tim was there.
Jon asked if he had been drinking yet. Ronnie said that he hadn't really started yet. Jon asked who is more crazy these days. Tim or Ronnie. Gary said that Tim has been really out of control lately. He said that Ross didn't even know about the picture of his head yet. He said that he explained it to Ross and Tim walked in and they had a weird confrontation in his office. Gary said Tim was telling him to get over it and it was very awkward.
Jon said he didn't know that it was going to be that awkward. Gary said that Tim was fumbling a little bit with his phone and they didn't think much of it at the time. He said he thought it was going to end there. Then it ended up on Lotus Notes last night with everyone in the group. Gary said he's not sure what's going on there.
Ronnie said he doesn't want to go down that road. He said he knows well enough what irks Ross. He said this is a sensitive thing to him. Gary said he talked to Howard about it for a minute and he didn't appreciate that. Gary said the thing that got to Ross is that they were at work and they were in a meeting when Tim took the picture.
Tim came in so Jon asked if he feels unfairly accused. Tim said his management style is to have fun with people. He said they can't run it like an insurance company. He said he has to have fun and interact with people. He said that they're very passionate they have to make it an enjoyable place to work.
Jon asked Tim about the wedding. Tim said they were all having fun and it was a very loose environment. He said he didn't think much of it at the time.
Jon asked Ronnie if that's all it was to him. Ronnie said he didn't even know that Tim was there. He said he heard this yell out so that's when he knew he was there. He didn't do it to interrupt the wedding. Jon said Howard's point was that it's not the right place to be doing that. Ronnie said everyone was having a good time and they were all joking around. He said he didn't mean any harm by it and neither did Tim.
Gary said that Tim seems to be really full of energy lately. Tim said he is and he's getting to a happy place again and he loves his job.
Ross came in and said that he thinks Tim is off track lately. Tim told him not to go there. Ross told him not to do that again. Gary asked Tim where not to go. Tim said he won't go there.
Ross said he got up at 7 something this morning and he saw that something was going on. Then someone tweeted out that it was Tim and the photo of him. He had no idea what it was. He said he listened to the replay when he got to work but he saw Doug shaking his head when he got in. Tim said it was funny and he's sorry for what he did. Ross said that he's saying he's sorry but then he's saying it's funny. Tim said he just wants to move on. Ross asked him not to do it again.
Ross said he's not happy that Tim did this during a meeting. Tim said that he thought they were done with the meeting and he did it as a joke. Tim said he's done there and he's got to get back to work. He said he has a job to do. Gary said he thinks that Ross' issue with him is... Tim cut him off and said he's going to go Photoshop some hair on Ross. Then he apologized to him again. Tim asked if he wants blood from him. Gary said he's kind of confusing because he's apologizing and then goofing on him. Tim said that Ross calls him fat. He left after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ross is a hypocrite. He said that he goofed on someone on the show a few weeks ago and laughed it off.
Another caller said that there's nothing wrong with losing hair. Ross said that's not the point. Ross said that the point is that they were in a meeting in a professional atmosphere. Ross said that he's over this. He said that his point was that he made a joke out of it and sent it to everyone but him. He wasn't in on the joke.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wants to hear Tim go there because he has nowhere else to go. Ross said that he doesn't think he realizes it was wrong and he's not sure he learns from his mistakes. Tim told Ross he loves him. Ross said he doesn't see any difference there. He doesn't think he sees what's right and wrong with this. Tim said he's sorry that he upset him. Ross said they're just going to move on. They went to break after that.
Jason said he can see both sides of that whole thing. He said that he was shocked that Tim sent that picture out. He said that the meeting wasn't over when he took that picture. He said that it was in the beginning. Gary said that it was in the middle sometime. Jason said it wasn't at the end. He said on the other hand Tim is a fun guy and he didn't mean anything by it. He said Ross is the biggest baby on the planet too.
Gary asked Jason if he would be upset if someone took a picture of him and didn't tell him about it and then sent it out to everyone. Jason said he can see why Ross is upset and he gets it. He said Ross is the most overly sensitive guy but he has a right to be angry about this. He said he'd love to know what ''roads'' there are that they won't go down. He said that he'd love to know what they were talking about.
Gary said that they could all be going down roads and recording everything there. Jason said you don't want to be scared to come to work though. Gary said that's what it's like with the Jackass guys.
Jon got back to Ronnie and asked about what Howard was saying about him giving credit to Twitter for his job offers. Ronnie said he only credits them with making it possible for the guys to contact him about doing the show. He said he knows that it's not Twitter that got him the work.
Jon said that Ronnie uses Twitter a lot. Ronnie said he only does it in the mornings or on the weekends. He doesn't use it that much.
Gary asked Jason if he senses anything different with Ronnie. Jason said he is international and he has changed but not in a negative way. He said he's a little more outgoing and a little more ''you.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a huge fan and he's a Ronnie supporter. He said that a guy called in a few weeks ago about Howard not putting his schedule up. He said that all you have to do is follow Ronnie because he Tweets when they're going to be on the air. He said he always checks Ronnie's Twitter for that. Ronnie said if you don't see Tweets early in the morning then you know there's no show.
Jon wondered what will happen with Eric and if he'll come back with more demands. Jason said he has zero leverage and he's trying to negotiate and there's nothing to negotiate. Gary said his negotiations are terrible. He said that he has nothing to support them. He said Derek Jeter has even less demands than Eric does.
Benjy said that if he just asked Howard to not call him midget then they'd probably do that. Jason said that's never good enough for him though. He wants everyone to stop calling him midget. There's no way to stop everyone from doing that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up how Howard was talking about the third cat he's getting and he's not sure if he wants the cat or not. Gary said he doesn't think that he does but he will love it once he gets it. Jason said that Howard was so against the first and then the second cat but he loved both of them. He said he thinks he'll be fine with 3.
Shuli was in and said that they've inherited 3 cats and one of them got pregnant. He said he has cats all over the apartment. He said he had to call North Shore so they could get rid of some of them. Gary said that one more isn't that much worse. Jon said it can be a slippery slope.
Jon said he didn't want to dwell on that. He said that Howard had said if he had a son he'd probably be like JD. He thinks of him as a son and he thinks that he sets his heights too high for women. Gary said he thinks that JD is kind of like Eric the Midget. He said he wants an acting job and he wants the cream of the crop. He said JD doesn't even want to go out and talk to girls but he expects them to find him. JD said he doesn't expect anything. He said he doesn't go after the cream of the crop. He'd be trying to go after models if that was the case. JD said he does talk to girls. He told them to just leave him alone.
Jason said he does go after the cream of the crop. He said he's seen the girls he goes after and they're the cream of that crop he's talking to. He pushes other girls aside because they're not as attractive. JD said that's just not true. He said he likes hot chicks and he's sorry.
Jon said that JD seemed upset about Howard talking about his weight. JD said he knows he's fat and to have it brought up and brought up is tiring. He said he doesn't want to talk about it.
Shuli said he went to a strip club once and JD wasn't going after the cream of the crop. Jason said he goes after the big asses in those clubs. JD said they're not the cream of the crop then.
Jon said there's no reason to apologize. JD kept saying he was sorry. He said he talks to all types of girls and they're not just the hot chicks. Gary said that Weddings are a great place to meet chicks. He said he thought he'd talk to some at Richard's wedding. JD said that he doesn't talk to anyone he doesn't know. Gary wondered how that's possible. Benjy said he'd like to know how he talks to anyone but his own mom. Jon had to cut everyone off and end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how they had Dave Navarro stopping by today. He said he was going over the list of women he's banged and that's someone you can admire. Howard said Dave was in Jane's Addiction and still is. He said they've broken up and reunited many times.
Howard said there's a guy who looks like him and he meets celebrities who think it's him. He said he's met some cool people. Better than Howard has. Howard said they say they're fans and he gets to talk to them. Howard said it disturbs him actually. He hates that they think it's him. Howard said they were thinking about sticking him in his chair and have him interview Dave Navarro to see if Dave notices. Howard said the voice might give it away.
Howard said he caught up on some TV yesterday. He watched some America's Got Talent. He said he was pretty far behind on that but Robin didn't think that mattered. Howard said he does like to see who gets voted off. Howard said he has to talk to Howie Mandel about who he lets go through. He said Piers is the only voice of reason on that show. Howard said you have to take it seriously for the prize they give away on the show.
Howard said Piers was getting annoyed with Howie for putting people through with no talent. Howard said there were some black kids on the show who rap and they were annoying. Howard said they yell into the microphone and the judges don't say anything because they don't want to be mean. Howard said they should go home, go to school and become an adult. Howard said they can be annoying adults.
Howard said Beth wasn't home so he was yelling at the TV critiquing all of this. He watched the Teen Choice Awards. He said he thinks that Selena Gomez is hot but she's so young. Howard said she's too young for him and he realized that and it's depressing. Howard said she's like 19 and he realizes that she wouldn't be interested in him. Howard said maybe they were just born on the planet at the wrong time. Howard said he watched that show and did some photography stuff. He was studying up on some videos his teacher told him about. He said his teacher is brilliant. Robin said he has to bring in some clips. Howard said he has to keep some things private. He doesn't want to sabotage the hobby. He said it's the one thing he enjoys and Robin wants to sabotage it.
Howard said he left Robin and that Dr. Roni alone when she was doing that. He asked if she's still hanging around her. Robin said she still speaks to her. Howard said that his teacher hasn't given him permission to play his tapes on the air. He said he'd have to ask. He figured he'd say no.
Robin asked if he makes them for Howard specifically. Howard said he does. He has questions and he wants to know how he does some things so the guy makes the videos for him. Howard said Robin would be bored. He said it would be like listening to a chess lesson. Robin said she wants to hear that.
Howard said it's rather boring. Robin said she just wants to hear it. She said she doesn't want to be wildly entertained. She doesn't think the guy is funny.
King said he's seen some bags that are like $180,000. Howard said he didn't pay that for this thing. Howard said there are women who beat off to Birken bags. He said if he had one of those on his head he could get a date. Howard said his wife would know if it was a Birken bag. He said she could pick out the real one out of a line up. King said they should do that. Howard said he should because if she can't tell the difference he'll get her some knock offs.
King said he wanted to ask something else even though Howard wanted to let him go. King asked what annoys him about his wife. Howard said nothing annoys him about her. He said there are days when they get on each other's nerves but not much. He said they're very well suited. Howard said Beth doesn't have to constantly talk and be involved with him. He said it's kind of cool because they get the right amount of time with each other. He said there are times when he'd like her to pay more attention to him but he's working through that.
King said his wife is in school and that takes away his attention. He said he doesn't like that. Howard didn't like it when Beth did that ABC show she was on.
Howard said Sam Simon sent him a note about how when you get to 3 cats it's like hoarding. Howard said it was kind of mean. He said Sam is a friend and he was bumming him out about that. Howard said he didn't think it was nice.
Robin said Sam has more dogs than he has pets in general. Howard said he's going to read Robin the note he sent. He looked at his phone and went off on the Howard TV guys telling them not to put his password on the show. He said they did that once so he had to change it. Howard said they should have been fired for that. He said they would have if they were on any other show.
Howard said he had a picture of Mary Dell'Abate that he wasn't sure what to do with. He said it was just a candid shot and he had to discuss what to do with it with his teacher. Robin said that's an odd thing to discuss. Howard said Robin does weird things too. He said she didn't visit her horse before it died. Robin said she did too. She said she visited the horse every week for a long time before he died.
Howard tried to find the email Sam Simon sent to him. He said that he may have deleted it since he was so upset about it. Howard said it might be in the trash. Howard kept looking for it. He was looking through all of the mail and wasn't finding it. Howard said Dan Forman emailed him about how the Lady Gaga video on YouTube is approaching a million views. He went through email after email trying to find that Sam Simon email.
Howard said he did some portraits for Tommy Mottola and his wife Talia. Howard said he had an email from his chess teacher. Howard said he was just checking in. He had email from Will, Christa (Miller) Lawrence who did a photo shoot with him. He said he's in demand as a photographer. Howard said Christa asked him to do the shoot. He said he didn't ask her.
Howard said that he couldn't find the email but he did forward it to Beth so he should have it in his sent folder. Howard looked in there and wasn't able to find it there. He said he just read it to her so maybe he didn't forward it.
Howard said it went something like this. He said Sam said that having 3 cats is like hoarding and he did some Sam Simon math that showed that having 2 cats is 50 percent more cats and then if you get 3 it's only 37 percent more or something. Robin said he must have been trying to be funny. Howard said he felt that he was trying to say he was one of those weird cat people. Robin said she knows something about Sam and she's not sure if she should say it. Howard said he knows a lot about Sam too. He said he learned that he's a cannibal and he eats human beings. Robin said that could get him into some trouble.
Howard asked Sam to resend that email to him so he can read it. Howard said he wants to read it to Robin. Robin said he's an animal lover and he encourages people to adopt. Howard said he wants to read it to Robin. Maybe during the commercial he'll find it. He said it bummed him out.
Howard said he has a hard enough time dealing with the fact that he has 3 cats. He said that note didn't help. He said he loves that Walter sleeps with them and he got over getting the second cat. He said this 18 pound cat is a big assed cat. He said they let the one cat live downstairs for now. He said Beth is dealing with all of that. He said she knows what she's doing.
Robin said she had a picture of Leroy and Jennifer Aniston cuddling on the couch and she almost sent it to Beth.
Howard started off with an interview with a little person. Wolfie asked if he would rather be a little white person or a full sized black person. The little guy said he'd rather be white and not one of those N-words. The little guy said that he likes being who he is. He was also saying that his penis is 8-10 inches.
Howard said Wolfie did a few more with some little people. Wolfie was asking if they can party hard like full sized people. One guy said he drinks and passes out in no time. Howard said the place is full of alcoholics. Howard let that one play and the guy said he drinks constantly and goes until whenever he wants. Wolfie asked what the odds are that he gets laid. The guy said it's about 90. He told Wolfie about one girl he saw there who was with a guy. He used the N-word when he described the guy she was with.
Wolfie interviewed another little person who said he got laid the first time he came to the convention and his shorts ended up turning red. He said she may have period on him.
Howard said he had a few more. Robin wanted to hear them. He played done where Wolfie asked a woman about being patted on the head. She didn't like that. She said she likes being on top when she's having sex. Wolfie said that he heard oral sex is great for little people. She said that it is because you can stand in front of someone and do it. Robin said she thought she had to respect little people but after hearing this she can't respect them.
Howard said they had this guy on the show once. He came in with David Spade. He laughs like Steve-O. Howard said he was at the convention so Wolfie asked him some questions. Gary said he thinks it's Wee Matt. Howard played that interview and Wee Matt told Wolfie it was nice to speak to people eye to eye for once. He said he had many orgies there too. Wolfie asked if he got laid the night before. Matt said he did. He said it was too easy. He was having a great time talking to Wolfie and laughed it up the whole time. Wolfie asked him what he would do to Robin if he could have her. He said he would give her the ''high C'' and she'd hit the high C note.
Howard said he had one more. Wolfie asked this person what brought him out there. The guy said he was there to meet girls and to go to the gym. Wolfie asked about having surgery to make him taller. He said that he had it actually. They gave him 8 inches of height. Howard said that's pretty awesome. He said the guy says his legs are all fucked up from the surgery though. Howard said he's still only like 5 feet tall. Howard said he feels for the guy. He said he gets it.
Howard said it sounds like there's a lot of drinking and getting laid there. He said CreationFest is like that but for Christians. Howard said Robin has to hear this. He said the little people are trying to get laid and the Christians are trying not to. Howard said that he'd rather go to the little people convention than this thing.
Wolfie asked one guy about masturbation and how he resists. The guy said he sleeps with the bible next to his bed. He said that he grabs it and starts reading and praying to stop from wanting to masturbate. Howard said he can't imagine. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like. The guy said he has a guy he calls when he feels that he's going to do something he's not supposed to. He said that the partner is there for him all the time. Wolfie asked the guy what he thinks of abortion. The guy is not for it at all no matter how a woman becomes pregnant.
Howard said he'd love to record the call the guy makes to his buddy about beating off. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like. It was two dudes talking on the phone about what their cocks look like and holding the bible while they talked about it. Howard had the two guys reading the bible to each other instead of beating off.
Howard played more of Wolfie's interviews. He had a different dude there at the CreationFest. That guy told Wolfie he does constant prayer to stop from masturbating. He said staying in tune with the holy spirit is the way to avoid sinning. Howard said they had rock bands there playing in the background. He said he hears that and he wants to beat off. Wolfie asked the guy when he last masturbated. The guy said that it wasn't too long ago. Less than a year ago. Wolfie said it sounds like a constant struggle. The guy then said that it's satan throwing lies at you about sinning and what you're not thinking about is your future wife and children.
Robin said that it seems like they spent an awful lot of time trying not to think about it and do it when they could just get it over with and move on. Howard said he couldn't get anything done if he didn't beat off. He said he just beats off and goes back to doing what he needs to do. Robin said this is why they're into Creationism because they haven't read anything.
Howard played another CreationFest interview. Wolfie asked the guy about how long he's been in this group. That guy said it was about 8 months and he had a porn addiction. He said he was masturbating about 3-4 times a day. Howard said that there are a lot of confused people at this convention. He said it sounds like these guys would explode if they saw a real woman. He said they all kind of sound gay too. Robin said they sound like they have real problems they should be going over with someone. Howard said they should just be gay and get over it if they're interested in men. He said they could be out having a good time at the gay pride parade.
Wolfie asked that guy about what he thinks about abortion. The guy said that he doesn't think it's okay to kill a small child ever. Howard said that straight people don't go to ''fests.'' Howard said this guy thinks that even a woman who is raped shouldn't get an abortion. Howard said that's very arrogant. He said he can't imagine a guy telling a woman what she should do. He said if she gets fucked against her will they think she should have the guy's baby. Howard said someone should shove a fist up the guy's asshole and put a baby in there. Howard said then he can think about his rapist every day and be even more thrilled when it comes out.
Howard played more of the guy talking about how killing a person is never right. The guy was rambling on and on about that. Howard said he thinks he said ''deformality'' at one point. Wolfie asked the guy how old he thinks the Earth is. He said it's 6-10,000 years old. He said that's what it says in the bible.
The caller said he was talking to his father and he does movie cars. He actually supplied the cars for Howard's movie. Howard said he wanted to be authentic with all of that and he loved the way they did all of that. He said it felt real to him. He said that's what people said about it too. Howard said radio movies look stupid usually. He said that radio stations are not nice places. He said they cheap out on the equipment and buildings to work out of. Howard said they only inherit nice places. He said no one ever puts money into the facility.
Howard said that when they were at K-Rock it was a shitty place and the second place was even more disgusting.
Howard talked about the Plymouth Valiant that he had when he was younger. He said Fred saw that car. Fred remembered it. He said it had a slant 6 in it. Howard said he never got attached to his cars. He said it was just transportation for him. He said that he'd do a hail Mary trying to get to work with that thing. He didn't think it would make it there. He said he once drove up to Maine in his Dodge Polaris. He said he drove all the way up there from Boston or New York and it was hours and hours in the car. He said the guy said he didn't have any work for him after that long drive. Howard said it was a very depressing 8 hour drive back.
The caller asked if he wants to do the photography thing. Howard said he might do a shoot where he shoots them as a couple and not at their wedding. The guy said that they're not far into Jersey. Howard didn't want to travel. Howard said he'll get back to him on it. Howard told Gary to get him Tom's information and they'll work it out. Howard told him not to count his chickens. Howard said he's a lot of talk but he may not do it.
Howard said his agent called him about a really cool job he was offered. He said it was pretty high profile and he was tempted to do it but then he figured it was a lot of work. He said he spoke to Beth about it and she reminded him that he'd have to travel and do a lot of work. Howard said it's kind of stupid. He said he will have the meeting with the guys but he may not do it. Howard said he would like to do this photography thing. He said maybe they can meet halfway or something. Tom was cool with whatever Howard wanted to do. Howard said he'd do an engagement shoot or something. Howard said he'll think it through. He said maybe they'll meet on the George Washington Bridge. He said they can bungee jump off of there or something crazy like that. Maybe he'll have them stand on a moving train and shoot them there.
Howard said that's what this guy does with the photography in the tunnel. He said it's pretty crazy. Howard said the people seem to be thrilled though. Howard told Robin about what this guy does and how they stand on the side inside the tunnel and the cars are all coming fast and furious and the guy is standing there setting up his camera while cars are honking at them. Howard said the guy prepares his camera and tells the couple what to do. Then he shoots them crossing the road. He said the video is crazy. Howard said the guy likes to see interesting things so he takes them to the median of the most busy street in Philadelphia. He said the guy likes to see interesting things in his photos. Howard said maybe he should take them to a zoo and stick them in a cage with a tiger. Howard and Robin threw out some other nutty ideas the guy could use. They talked about shooting at a Tsunami and things like that.
Howard said he might have to do something like that himself. He can imagine shooting in a slaughterhouse with dead cows hanging behind the people. Howard said he called his teacher about this guy and his teacher said he knows the guy and he's very talented. Howard said his teacher would never shoot people in a tunnel though.
Howard said he did a 10 page spread for this magazine in Pittsburgh. He said he did all kinds of cool shots of her. Howard said he has to take her to some tunnels and slaughterhouses and maybe hang her upside down on the George Washington Bridge. He jokingly said he's going to be bringing some people to a leper colony in Africa soon. Robin suggested they shoot during the riots in London. Howard said that would be great too. He said maybe he can shoot some people in space as they fly into the sun. He said he had to go to break a short time later. He said he'd get to the SoberStock Wolfie interviews some other time.
Howard came back and said he had this guy Ron coming in. He's in his 60s but he looks like him in the 80s. Robin said the guy might look kind of like him. Howard asked how old Ron is. Ron was having trouble with his headphones so Howard had to have Gary help.
Howard said he heard from someone who said they thought they saw him on 19th street in short shorts. Howard said it turns out it was this guy. Howard said he does kind of look like him and it annoys him.
Howard asked what he does for a living. Ron said he writes scripts. He said he's working on some stuff now and he had an option for a Danny DeVito project at one point.
Howard said that Ron sounds like he's got dry mouth. He told him to drink some water. Ron said he's not sure why he looks like him. He said it might be more of a vibe than anything. Howard said the guy has sunglasses and he has long hair and he's obviously trying to look like him. Ron said he had this look before Howard ever did. He said he's 68 years old. He has a wife and two kids too. Howard told him that the short shorts aren't working for him. He said that he should wear cargo pants. Howard said the guys thought he might be gay based on the shorts he was wearing.
Howard said Ron claims he was out at a bar and a woman thought he was Howard Stern and told him that she masturbates thinking about him. Howard said that never even happens to him. Ron said he doesn't think he's a bad looking guy and he has no problem getting laid. Howard said he was banging actresses and models when he was single.
Howard asked Ron if he ever gets a girl who thinks he's Howard Stern. Ron said he would never do that. He said it's kind of creepy. Howard agrees. He said that it is creepy. Howard asked if he has a big schlong. Ron said he does actually. He said he was told that he has a small one and he found it weird. Howard said he would never show it to anyone. He said his career would be over. Ron said he must have shown it. Howard said Fred is the only one and only because he blows him.
Howard said Ron came there to the building and security let him in with an ID. Howard said Ron claims the woman said ''you forgot it again'' and gave him a pass. Ron said she just gave it to him. Ron said he didn't want to get her in trouble. He said that he didn't have to show any ID or anything. Howard said he went shopping with his daughter the other day and he didn't have any ID on him. He said that the woman knew who he was but she was right to ask for ID.
Howard said Ron dropped off a script at Don Buchwald's office and the secretary thought that Ron was him. She asked him if he wanted to say hi to Don. He said that's so weird. Howard said that Mary Louise Parker approached him thinking that he was Howard too. Ron said she was very sweet and nice. Ron said that she went on and on and he had to break the news to her that he wasn't him. She baked away and apologized to him.
Howard said Ron met Tony Bennett and Bryant Gumble. Howard said he knows those guys and they still thought that he was Howard Stern. Howard said that he has to stop wearing the short shorts. Howard said people think he's wearing those shorts. He said he has to dress the guy.
Howard said Toni came to him and said that her friend saw him wearing short shorts and it wasn't him. It was this guy. Howard said he hopes that Ron tips well.
Howard said Ron seems like a nice guy and all but this is creepy. Robin asked what he did for a living before script writing. He said he had a rock band but they weren't very well known. Howard said he seems to have a nice lifestyle. Ron said he was a music director on Another World too. Howard said he should send Ron to his parent's house and see if he fools them. Howard said he was thinking of trying to fool Dave Navarro but he doesn't think that would work.
Howard said that he should have him take meetings with Scott Greenstein. He said he needs a double to do that kind of thing. Howard asked if he likes being like him. Ron said it's easy to not do it. He said when he got annoyed with it in the past he'd just cut his hair short. He said he can just put it up in a pony tail and people don't mistake him. Howard said he really does look like him and he has to stop wearing those shorts. He said they look gay.
Howard said he doesn't need a shot of him blowing a guy or something and spreading around. Ron said he might go to a gay bar just for the hell of it. Howard said he should just cut his hair. Ron said he's going to burn the shorts as soon as he gets home. Howard said he should cut his hair shorter at least. He said he seems like a nice enough guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this asshole doesn't even listen to the show and he's getting all of the benefits of looking like Howard. He said he must be gay with those shorts too. Howard said he doesn't think he's gay.
Ron said he's writing a screenplay called ''Becoming Howard'' and he thinks that it's really good. Ron said that Howard could play two parts in the movie. He said he could play himself and evil Howard. He said he had a 3 page script if he wanted to read it. Howard said he thinks that the audience has had enough of him.
>Howard took some more calls and ended up going off on Ron about the clothes. He said he really has to dress better. He doesn't want people to think he's him wearing that stuff. Howard said this is fucking him up in the head because he meets people that know him and he's not recognizing them so they think that he doesn't remember them. Ron said that he ran into Bryant Gumble in a supermarket and he did tell him that he wasn't Howard after he said he didn't recognize him. Ron said that Bryant came up to him and said hi like he recognized him and he just said he forgot his name. Howard sounded floored by that. He said that he has to tell these people he's not Howard Stern. Howard said if a strange man comes up to him and says hi he should tell them that he's not Howard Stern. Ron said that's not the first thing that comes to mind. Howard said it's no wonder Bryant is blowing him off. He said he snubbed a guy he knows. He said he really doesn't like this and it's creeping him out.
Howard and Robin said that he has to change his clothes. Ron said he was going to get a t-shirt that says ''I'm Not Him.'' Howard said he just has to tell people that he's not Howard Stern. Ron said that he would cut his hair if he did his screenplay.
Ron said he has a web site coming up for his screenplay ''Becoming Howard.'' He said you can find that on Twitter and Facebook. Howard said that he wishes him luck with everything. Howard said that he really would like him to dress better and not let people think that he's Howard Stern. Howard wrapped up and wished him the best in life. He said he knows how he feels looking like this. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he hasn't dismissed Ron yet. He said that he has a reason. Howard said Ron is a guy who looks identical to him. He said he was telling him in the commercials that when he goes to the Hampton's everyone says hello to him and want to meet him. Howard said what bothers him is that he's in hiding and Ron is out doing a tour for him.
Howard said he has an idea. He said Dave is in the green room. He said he wants to see how far this goes. Howard said that he wants to put Ron in his chair and tell him what to say. He wants to see if Dave will know it's not him or not. Howard said people think it's him. Robin said people are nervous when they come in there.
Howard said that he's going to go into Scott's studio and he'll have Dave come in. He said he's been on the show a few times but he may not know it's not him. Howard told Ron what to talk to Dave about and ask about the porn he shot. He said if he thinks he's him he's going to commit suicide. Ron said he'd have to take Howard's place then.
Howard had Ron come over to his seat. He said this is fucking crazy. Howard said Saddam Hussein had a body double so he might have to use this guy. Scott said that Ron is going to be able to hear everything that Howard says to him from his studio.
Robin said that Howard has left the studio and Ron will introduce Dave as he comes into the studio. Robin said that he has to be Howard. Ron didn't know what to say. Benjy was laughing. Robin said he doesn't know how to work the microphones or anything. She said he doesn't know how to run a board. Ron said he can run the board. Robin asked if Howard was in place. Howard was ready to go and Robin could hear him through this headphones.
Dave came in and Ron said hi to him. Dave said he's not falling for this. He told him to take his glasses off. Ron asked what he was talking about. Dave knew. Ron asked him about doing porn. Dave said this was not working and it clearly wasn't Howard. Howard came in a few seconds later.
Gary came in and said that he heard Dave was listening to the show on the way over. Gary said he heard Ron. Dave said he didn't hear him and he knew it wasn't Howard. Ron asked if it was really Dave Navarro. Howard said he's pretty sure it is. Howard told Ron to cut his hair. He let him go after that. Howard said he's glad he didn't fall for that.
Dave said he's not a shorts guy and he doesn't think Howard is either. Howard said he heard that Dave got back together with Perry Farrell. Dave said they've been playing since 2009. He said they did a Jane's Addiction record.
Howard said Dave is unbelievable. He said that he read he got Tila Tequila. Dave said he doesn't out other people's business. Howard said that he's sure she'd be fine with that. Dave said he doesn't deny anything. Howard said people don't seem to like her. She rubs people the wrong way. Dave said he doesn't get it. Howard said he'd love to bang her. Dave said she rubbed him the right way. Howard said he can't imagine he could maintain a relationship with her. Dave said he can't maintain one with anyone at this point. Dave said that Howard knows what it's like. Dave said he hasn't had a long term relationship since Carmen Electra.
Howard asked Dave if he thinks it's his childhood. Dave said he did. His mother was shot by her boyfriend at the time. Dave said it's no wonder he's such a free spirit. Howard asked if that's what caused the heroin addiction. Dave said he thought it was for a long time but a lot of people have fucked up childhoods and they don't turn to drugs. Howard asked where the guy is that shot his mother. Dave said he's on death row in San Quentin but he's got to be like 73 years old now. He said he's still able to make friends and have fun playing checkers or whatever. He said that he's still alive while his mother is gone.
Howard asked how long the guy was her boyfriend. He said it was like 5 years. He said he was 15 at the time and he knew the guy from the age of 10 to 15. He said he liked the guy too. Dave said that the guy snapped when his mother broke up with him. Howard said he could never recover from that. Dave said that's what you'd think. He said you get suck in a point in your life where you can deal and move on or let it fuck you up.
Dave told Howard that the guy still doesn't cop to doing it. He said that he was on the run for 8 years and America's Most Wanted actually helped catch him. Howard asked if he would shoot the guy if he gave him a gun and said it was okay to do that. Dave said there was a time when he would have. He said now he doesn't want that kind of drama in his life. He said he doesn't even want to give him the attention on the show.
Howard asked if he's ever brought it up with a shrink. Dave said of course he has. He said that he has to think about not letting it fuck up his whole life. Howard said he and Carmen must have bonded over all of that. Dave said Carmen lost her mother to brain cancer. He said they did bond over that.
Dave said with his mom it was a sudden thing. He said with Carmen her mother had this lingering thing. Howard said at least it was a natural thing. Howard asked if Dave came home and found his mother. He said he didn't. He said it was a family member that found her. Dave said that they shouldn't have told him that she got killed. He said that he would have been better off not knowing.
Howard asked where he went to live. Dave said he lived with his dad and he turned to music. He said he was into music before that but once that happened he dove head first into it. He said the music kind of saved him. He said it was everything. Dave said that the music lets the listener feel and express things they can't put words to.
Dave said that the guy killed his aunt too. He said she just happened to be there with his mother. He said if he was there he could have been taken out too. Dave said that maybe someone was looking out for him in the universe. Howard asked if he ever got pussy telling a chick about his mother dying. Dave laughed and said it may have indirectly happened but he didn't use the issue to get laid. Howard asked if he ever brought it up during a conversation. Howard said he can see him using that. Dave got a laugh out of what Howard was talking about but he said he wouldn't do that. Howard said he'd use that to get laid.
Dave said he may have used it to get out of school but not to get laid. Robin asked if it was known in school what happened. Dave said it was. He said that became an excuse for everything he did. Dave said the only person he fucked up was himself though. He said he got into drugs and he'd use his mom's death as the excuse for all of that.
Howard asked Dave about getting into guitar and if he took lessons. Dave said he can't read music but he took some lessons. He said he plays with other guys and they ask him to play a suspended E and he has no idea what they're talking about. Howard asked if he's upset he doesn't know how to read music. Dave said he's not. Howard asked if Perry gets upset. Dave said Perry doesn't know either. He said that was one of their strengths when they got started. They didn't have that education and they wouldn't do what was technically ''right.''
Howard asked Dave if he would practice all the time. Dave said he did. He said that they didn't get into it for girls. He said they found out about all of that later in life. He said that he sees kids now who get into it for girls and that's not what it was about for them at first. Dave said there are people who are so hungry for fame and that doesn't work. He said there is no finish line there.
Howard gave Dave a plug for the new Jane's Addiction album ''The Great Escape Artist'' which comes out in September. Howard said the album ''drops'' in September and Dave told him how much he hates that term ''drops.''
Robin asked Dave if he likes Batman because he had some Batman tattoos. Dave said he did that because of his mom getting killed and that's what happened to Batman's parents. He said he identified with the character. Howard said that he identified with Batgirl. Dave said that he used to use the name Bruce Wayne when he'd stay in hotels and stuff.
Howard asked Dave if he was into drugs before his mom died. He said he was using stuff before that. He said he knows so many drug addicts that had perfect childhoods though. He said he can't blame that use on his mom's death.
Howard asked Dave if he thinks that the classic music isn't as relevant as it was. Dave said it really is but things have been watered down now. He said that things used to be mysterious and it's not the same anymore. He said people can just Tweet you and you find out more about the bands than you want to know. He said in the past you'd buy an album and that's all you knew about them.
Howard talked about how great the Beatles and Hendrix were when he'd get an album and he's right about how mysterious they were. Howard said that it's not a mystery anymore. Howard said Dave must have wanted to be like that mysterious musician too. Dave said it's a double edged sword. He said that on one hand you want to be like that but society has changed so much that you can't. He said that he has to deal with TV and how it's all Saccharin. Howard said he gets what he's saying. He said everyone is everywhere these days. Dave said things only last 5 minutes anymore. He said that they're on the news for 5 minutes and then it's over. Dave said he's a perpetrator of doing all of that stuff but it's a necessary evil these days. He said the whole business is different these days.
Dave said that he and Perry have fun doing the Jane's Addiction thing. He said they used to be real secretive about everything. Howard said that he sees Perry on a realty show and it takes away the mystery of the band. Dave said that the option is that he could just disappear. Howard said it's just not the same when you see so much of him.
Howard asked Dave if he's set financially. Dave said he's doing okay. Howard said he was around in the 80s and 90s when they were able to sell albums. Dave said that they're lucky to be with a major label too. He said that if Stairway to Heaven came out to day it wouldn't even get played on radio. The song is too long. He said that they will drop bands if they don't hit big right away.
Howard asked what went wrong with Carmen Electra. Dave said he went over this last time he was on. Howard wanted to go over it again. Howard said he has never been inside Carmen but he has to imagine it's so much fun. Dave said you'd think that but Howard must know that at a certain point they become a real person. Dave said if she had the ability to turn into a pizza then things would be different.
Howard said he heard that Carmen doesn't like to stay home and she likes to go out constantly. Dave said he was on tour most of the last couple of years. He said that had nothing to do with it. She's very into her public persona. He doesn't talk to her anymore though. Howard asked if he was in love with her. Dave said he will always love her. He said that the romantic thing is long gone though. He said they didn't fight or anything. He said that they just ended up being roommates and best friends. Howard said he can't imagine laying in bed with her and not wanting to fuck her. Dave said that he'd pray that she'd fall asleep so he could watch ''Rescue Me'' or something. He said Howard must know what that's like. Dave said he's not going to blow up her trip. He said he's not about that. Dave said she's funny and smart and way more hard core than people think. He said her attitude is that she doesn't give a fuck. He said she's fuckin' ghetto. Dave said he loved that about her. He said shit happens and no one fucked the other person over. He said it just didn't last.
Howard asked Dave if he got over it. Dave said that at that point she was just a chick he was dating. Howard was moaning over all of that. Dave said he's not sure what she's doing work wise these days. Howard said he heard she's getting married. He said he read it in one of those magazines.
Howard asked if he's sleep with her again. Dave said no. He said he doesn't really do that. Howard asked how long he dated Tila Tequila. Dave said that they just hung out a few times. He didn't really date her. Howard told him about the personalities she has and how he'd bang like two of them. Howard asked Dave if he banged the British guy she has inside of her. Dave just laughed. Dave said they went out to dinner a couple of times and that was it. He said she drives a powder blue Lamborghini and it's like the circus is rolling through the street. He said it attracts the cameras and he's not looking for that.
Howard read that Dave was caught making out with Brook Mueller in 2009. Dave said that he's known her for close to 12 years. Howard asked how he knows her for that long and just starts banging her. Dave said he never banged her. He said that report wasn't so accurate.
Howard asked Dave about the Carmen Electra tattoo he has and why he's keeping it. Dave said he doesn't cover up anything. He said that he has a CE on him and he may cover it up some day but that won't make what happened go away. Dave said that if a girl doesn't like it that's their problem. Dave said he will never get married again. He said that the world is so small that he doesn't trust anyone. He watches Twitter and Facebook and he doesn't trust people in general. Dave said if half the people in the world think the way he thinks, we're in trouble. Dave said humans are programmed to do what they do regardless of the consequences. He said he's done so much and he doesn't think that he'll ever get married but someone could come along and maybe he will.
Howard asked how many porn stars he's fucked. Dave said he has no idea. Howard asked if they're better in bed. Dave said that they aren't necessarily better. He said he's a free spirit himself and he doesn't have time to lock down. Howard asked if he does mad anal with these chicks. Dave asked if he could answer one question at a time.
Howard asked if he fucked Bree Olson. Dave said he did not. He said she is pretty hot though. Howard said that he heard that a lot of women in the industry have herpes. Dave said that he's very safe with the girls he's with. He said that they get tested like every 3 weeks too. Howard asked if he eats them out. Dave said it's a moment to moment decision. Howard said he could never eat out a porn star. Dave said you ask them what they did today and then figure it out.
Howard said Dave has so many options and he has so much sexual activity going on. He said he must sit down and read a book once in a while. Dave said he has nerdy interests. He said he'd rather watch Hawkin's Universe or something like that on TV. He likes history and science stuff. Howard asked when he got laid last. Dave said it's been a while. He doesn't even beat off. Dave said that Whale Wars has taken the place of sex lately. He said it's a TV show on Discovery that he watches. He said the great thing is that the program doesn't want to tell you its goals and dreams at the end of the night either.
Howard read through some of the names on the list of conquests Dave has had. Howard read the long list and said that it was very impressive. Jenna Jameson was on the list and Dave just said ''He...'' He said the whole thing with her was fucked up. He said that it came on the heels of the Carmen thing and Jenna may have leaked the story about them. Dave said that relationships don't just end one day. He said you go through those months of where it's coming to an end. He said that he and Carmen were breaking up and he went out with Jenna. He said that she may have mentioned it to someone like Perez Hilton or someone.
Howard said he almost brought in a group of women to see if Dave could remember who he banged. Dave said that would have been fun.
Howard said that Jane's Addiction is back together. He asked if he would recommend that his kids get into music if he had kids. Dave said he doesn't want to have kids. He said he has gone through he DNA tests for some women though. He said that he has had sleepless nights over that too. He said he had one girl call him and say it was either his or her ex-husband's. Dave said he was sure it was her ex's kid. Dave said he's pretty careful. He doesn't want to catch or create anything when he has sex. He's very careful. Dave said that this woman didn't want to have an abortion if it was his kid and she told him she was against it. Dave said that she was super hot of course. Dave said in his head he was thinking she had to have an Amniocentesis test and she couldn't do that until it was like 14 weeks. Dave said in his head he was pro-life to a point. He said if it has hands he's not cool with killing it. He said that's where he draws the line. Dave said the only way to figure it out is wait until it has hands. Dave said he couldn't have her kill it after that.
Howard said he says life doesn't begin until a year into life. Howard said he doesn't think that the soul enters the fetus until 8 months in. Dave said he's not going to go with hands. He thinks that flippers are enough.
Dave said he went to this lab and they draw blood but he still had to wait. He was on tour and he had to wait for them to let him know. He said the worst part is that you have to wait until it's too late to do anything anyway. Dave said he found out it wasn't his kid and he was so relieved. Dave said he would never push anyone to do anything they didn't want to do. Howard said he bets that she didn't have the kid after she found out it wasn't his. Dave said she actually did have the kid.
Howard had some of the new Jane's Addiction album. Howard talked to Dave about Perry and his wife and what that relationship is like. Then he played some of their new music. Dave thought Howard was going to play something crazy. Howard had Fred play ''I Just Jerked Off To Robin's Big Boobs'' from Little Mikey.
Howard played some of the new Jane's Addiction song ''Irresistible Force.'' Howard said that he's never heard Perry go that deep with his voice before. Dave said it was kind of a different vibe for them. Howard liked the song. Howard said he liked their old song ''Been Caught Stealing'' a lot too. Howard told him he loved ''Irresistible Forces.'' Dave said it wasn't really rock and roll and it was something different for them. Howard asked if they're playing nearby. Dave said they just did like 5 weeks ago. Howard asked why he didn't call. Dave said it was a week night and they go to bed early.
Howard let the song play through some more and said he's really loving the song. He said he was thinking about his mom during the song. He said it was making him sad. Howard said he's always sad. Dave said he can go to the darkest of places himself. Howard said he wishes his mom could hear that song and hear what he's made of himself. Dave said he doesn't believe in the after life or anything so he knows that's not happening.
Howard said he would tell Dave if the song was shitty. He replayed his favorite part from the song. He fast forwarded to the part he likes. He sang along with the song a little bit and made up his own lyrics about Bree Olson and how Dave wanted to fuck her. He also sang about Carmen Electra. Dave said he should do a remix. Howard said he's really digging the song. Dave thanked him for that. He said the whole album is a departure for them. Howard said he's going to buy the album when it comes out. Dave said he'd hook him up. Howard said he wants to support them so he'll buy it.
Howard said he's glad that Dave is there and the world wouldn't be the same without him. Dave said that he asked why he wasn't doing Howard while he was in the city. He said he hates radio and the press but he had to be on the show. Dave said he wanted to come there and he made the call to get in there. Howard thanked him for that. Howard then told him that he wasn't Howard Stern and they had just fooled him. Dave said it's not wonder it's going so well then. Howard told Dave to give Perry his best and say hi to his wife too. He said she's got some body. Dave said those Chinese preserve well too. Howard said they know how to suckie and fuckie too.
Howard asked Dave if he's had every race on the planet. Dave said he probably has. He said he's Hispanic himself and he's not that big of a fan. Howard asked if he's had anything less than a 8 or 9. Dave said he probably has. He said that some women have the ability to be a nighttime 9 and a daytime 4. He said they somehow devolve and you wonder what the fuck happens. Dave said that they might think the same about him though. Dave said he doesn't blame them for that.
Howard wrapped up and said he didn't have time to take phone calls from the fans. He said they'll do that another time. Howard gave Dave some more plugs and then took a call. The caller asked for Dave's top 5 guitarists and how many times he's eaten his own cum. Dave said he called Bubba's show and straightened that all out. He said he knows enough to know he doesn't want to eat it. He said he may have done some sampling just to find out. Howard said he's smelled his own asshole after running for 5 miles but he's never done that. Dave said after all of the shit he's done in his life tasting that isn't so insane.
Dave said David Gilmore is his favorite guitar player. He said he likes Jimmy Page, Dave Morello, Eddie Van Halen and Daniel Ash. Dave said that he has a really creative way of playing.
Howard told Dave to pick his favorite 3 vagina's he's ever had. Dave said that would get him into trouble. He said that would require a lot of thinking. He said it would have to be Carmen, Monet and someone else. He didn't really believe that but he figured he'd answer with the people he's been in long term relationships with. Howard wrapped up with Dave and went to break a short time later.
Howard ended up playing some of the Wrap Up Show from yesterday where Tim was explaining what he was doing that day. He said they have to have some levity and fun around there and it makes it a more fun place to work. He was doing it all in fun. Ross didn't find it funny. Tim apologized and told Ross ''don't go there'' when he brought up the whole meeting thing. Tim said he was sorry but then said that it was funny.
Howard said Tim claimed the meeting was over but Gary said it wasn't. Howard played more of the Wrap Up clip where Tim tried to explain why he did what he did.
Gary said Tim was in his office telling him ''Wah! A Bald spot...people are dying in Afghanistan.'' Howard said it sounds like he's losing it. Gary said it really does. Fred threw in an air horn sound effect referring to the discussion they had about Tim blowing one in the Howard TV office.
Howard played more of Tim and Ross going off on one another. Ross said he could go to places with Tim but he hasn't gone there. Then the fat thing came up and they went back and forth on that.
Howard said that was great radio. He said they went back and forth for quite a while. He played even more of the arguments they were having.
Howard said JD was in rare form on the Wrap Up Show too. He said he gets a lot of air time and he's gold. Howard said he gets a lot of email saying he's radio gold. Howard played a clip where Gary compared JD to Eric the Midget when it comes to women. You can read the full rundown of yesterday's Wrap Up Show here.
Jon told Howard that Ross was really upset with Tim. He said Ross wasn't having any part of the whole thing. Jon ran down his list of today's show and mentioned Ron Brawer. Howard said that the TV crew went out there with Ron and they were asking him to come on with George Stephanopoulos on Good Morning America. Howard said that George has been in his home and he should have recognized him. Howard said the guy really does look like him. He said George should have known it wasn't him.
Howard said he hopes that George knew it wasn't him when he posed for that picture. Howard asked the Howard TV crew what happened. Gary said he'd send someone in. The camera guy came in and said that they saw Ron there and he just stood there while they were getting him to come on the air. He said as they were about to go live George stepped back and realized it wasn't really Howard. He said it was awesome. Howard said the picture looks like him. He said he hates that there's a guy that so looks like him. He said the Bryant Gumble story really freaked him out. Howard said that picture is eerie. He told the guys to put the picture up on the web site right now. He said it looks just like him. Howard said Ron goes around the Hamptons getting all of this attention and it's so strange. Howard asked Jon what else he has.
Jon ran down some more things that he wanted to talk about today on Wrap Up. Jon said they'll be talking about Ron and how annoyed Howard is. They're going to go over a bunch of other things that came up on the show today. They went to break a short time later.
Robin started her news with a story about the movie ''The Help'' opening. Robin said it's getting mixed reviews. Robin read some of the reviews. Howard said he liked it. Robin said it did get some good reviews. Howard said he saw one 4 star review. He said he wrote that one himself. Howard said fake Howard Stern gave it 6 stars. Howard said it would have been great if Ron had gotten on Good Morning America. Howard said they might have to send him out to some events. Robin said they should put him on some red carpet events.
Howard had the guys bring Ron back in. Howard said he really does look like him. Howard said ''Oh my god...'' Ron said he has to work on his voice. He said that's the giveaway.
Howard asked Ron what happened with the Good Morning America thing. Ron said it seemed like George was waiting for instructions about whether or not to put him on. Howard said that he's got the big Adam's apple like he does. Howard said both of them are gross.
Ron said it helps to have a camera crew around him. Howard said he must not want to goo outside sometimes. He must not like being hounded. Ron said no to that. He thanked Howard for having him on the show. Howard said it really bothers him that he looks like him. He said it's really weird. Howard said everything weird happens.
Robin said it was like the Howard K. Stern thing when they confused him with Howard. Howard said that was bad. People thought he killed Anna Nicole Smith.
Howard said that the people at Mary McCormack's show, ''In Plain Sight,'' are up for Eric the Midget being on the show. He said he has to talk to Eric about it next time he calls. Howard said he's going to make him play a satanic drug addict on the show.
Robin got back to her news. She read about how Sharon Osbourne is going to leave ''The Talk.'' They're talking about how some of the other women may be leaving too. Howard said that Leah Remini was kind of annoying the couple of times he saw her. He said he likes her though. He said she's kind of fun. He's not sure about Holly Robinson Peet. He said the ratings must blow and they need to get rid of some of them. Howard said it must be CBS mornings that they just can't get right. Howard said they'll hire away someone like Bryant Gumble and even he won't get ratings. He said David Letterman can't get ratings in late night. He said they're fine in prime time but mornings and late night just don't work for CBS.
Robin said that Ashton Kutcher has stepped in to take Charlie Sheen's place on Two and a Half Men. Howard said that Charlie leaving was the biggest asshole move after Jackie left this show. Howard said he does like Jackie though. Robin said Jackie is an asshole but she likes him too. Howard said he's not an asshole. Robin said you look at his actions and he is an asshole. Robin said that Kutcher is going to be making $700,000 an episode for Two and a Half Men. Howard said Charlie was making $1.4 million per episode. He said that was a huge mistake leaving the show. Robin said that's a pretty good pay day for Ashton. He has no track record with this show. Howard said they had to lure him away somehow.
Robin read about how Arnold Schwarzenegger was seen wearing a T-shirt that read ''I Survived Maria'' while riding a bike. Howard said maybe it was a look alike. Robin said it was a t-shirt given to him at the end of his term but it had nothing to do with the divorce. Robin said that Arnold's daughter has said she escaped to Europe after the story broke about what her father was up to. Howard had to do a live commercial after that. He had to do a really serious voice for the commercial because it was for an addiction treatment center. He got back to his goofy voice after the commercial.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Bernie Madoff and how some guy went and invested in his whole wardrobe. He had the clothes made into iPad cases and things like that.
Howard asked what was going on with the phones there. Gary said the phone system crashed and the system is not connected to the system they have there. Howard said he had no idea what Gary was talking about. Gary said he was told by Scott the Engineer what was going on. That's what he knew. Gary said that it doesn't have to do with the system they have there that's connected to France in some way. Howard read that Verizon is on strike too and they're thinking it could be sabotage. Howard said he hopes they weren't victims of sabotage. Howard said if anyone is trying to call the show they should know that they're down. Howard asked the guys to turn off his computer so he doesn't have to watch what they're doing on there.
Robin got back to her news and read about Beth being in the paper. She was in there with a dog and her name is mentioned in a story too. Robin said they were talking about Star Jones being at a polo match and saying she's been acting like a diva lately. Robin said they say that Star was in good spirits while hanging around people like Beth Stern but she snubbed other polo fanciers.
Howard said Beth threw out the ball for the game and she said she saw Star there. She thought she was a lovely woman. Howard said she didn't know what was going on with the other people. Howard said everyone is nice to Beth. He said she brings out the best in him and others.
Howard said he hopes that Beth doesn't adopt Star. He said he has to go home and meet the new cat. He said he told Beth he didn't really want another cat but she just got it anyway. He said she sees the poor animals there at the North Shore Animal League and she can't just leave them. Howard said she says this is the last one though.
Robin said that she wrote to Beth about the black cat she adopted and Beth wrote aback about how people won't adopt them because they're superstitious. Howard said he knows he'll end up bonding with the cat. He said he's thinking of naming the cat Mildred Bena which is Arnold's maid's name. Howard said maybe Chaz Bono since he's a guy.
Robin read about sex education returning to schools. Robin said that they're talking about bringing it back in the 6th grade and then again in 9th and 10th. Robin said they're going to talk about what the appropriate age is for sex. Howard said he thinks you should start young. He said it shouldn't be taboo. Howard said they shouldn't make it scary. Howard said he thought Robin was asking when they should teach it, not when to have sex. Howard said his answer was kind of inappropriate. Howard said he thinks you should wait. He said he started at 16 but he didn't know what he was doing. He said it seemed very important to him. Howard said he thinks they should wait until their 20s. He said that's not going to happen though.
Gary told Howard that JD found a piece of tape about the Verizon strike. He said a guy is yelling at the scabs crossing the protest line and he's got his daughter there with him. He's cursing like crazy telling them that they're taking money from them and their families. Gary said the kid looks to be 11 or 12. She's blocking a truck with a sign. He said that's a hell of a thing to do to your kid. Robin said you have no idea what's going on in homes with children.
Robin read more about the sex education thing and said they'll be talking about what age kids should be having sex. Howard said he remembers a guy coming into school and teaching them about drugs and that made him want to try them. He said that teaching about sex may make the kids want to try that. Robin said they actually say that kids who learn sex education early hold off on sex longer than others. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin was eating some vegetables so Howard asked if she puts anything on them. Robin said she eats them dry. Howard said he'd rather be in hell. Robin said she does put stuff on them when she grills them. Howard said maybe he'll name his cat Herman after Herman Munster. He said he'd like to honor him in some way. Howard said there's a guy on the phone who said he should name him Gomez after Gomez Addams. Fred said that guy, John Astin, is still around. He's 81.
Robin read about a father learned that his child has distinguished himself by getting arrested as the upper east side groper. He was arrested at his dad's house. Howard said you never wish that for your kid. Robin said the guy is only 18. Robin said he was tracked down by cell phone and arrested. Robin said he's a dish washer at a cafe. He was working there until about 3 weeks ago. Robin said the father thinks they have the wrong guy.
Howard took a call, after the phones came back, and the guy said he thinks the Lady Gaga interview was great. He told his wife to check out her performance. He said she called him back and said that she's got to be the best performer she's ever seen. She couldn't believe it. Howard thanked him for the call and said it's nice to get your wife involved in the show in any way.
Robin read a story about a polygamist who was married to a bunch of women and he was found guilty in a case where he was given 20 years for one sentence and 99 for another for marrying these young girls. They had tape of one of the 12 year olds being initiated into marriage. All of the other women stand around watching as he's doing the 12 year old. Robin said he had a whole scam going there. Robin said he'll be spending 99 years in jail for that. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about a woman who was arrested for having her 6 year old daughter video tape sex sessions she was having. Howard said he wouldn't trust a 6 year old with a camera. Robin said the woman was arrested and the little girl gave details about what she was doing for her mother. She's now in foster care.
Robin read about the woman who tried to swim from Florida to Cuba and had to stop early. Robin had some audio of her talking about why she had to stop. She had asthma so she had her doctor in the water with an inhaler trying to help. Robin said they say she was vomiting when she was brought into the boat.
Howard had Benjy's friend Marianne on the phone. She has a story about Howard's cat. She said that she was at a party years ago with Heather Mills and she asked Beth if she's going to have babies. Beth said she wasn't but she was going to fill the house with animals. Marianne didn't believe it but she sees that it's happening. Howard thanked her for the call. Howard said he hears himself mumbling to himself saying that it's like a zoo around there. He said he has to feed the animals all different kinds of food and it really is like a zoo.
Robin had some audio of a congressman blaming President Obama for the country's credit rating being dropped to a AA rating. Robin said he says that it's all Obama's fault. Robin said other's are saying that Standard and Poor's rating drop was political and that's the only reason they did it. Robin had some other audio clips of people talking about how they're going to try and save money this school shopping season.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard he has to stop Beth from getting more pets. She said he'll be milking a cow next. Howard hung up on her before she said anymore.
Robin read about an American Airlines flight that went through extreme turbulence and injured some people. Robin said that they had to divert to another airport. Robin had some clips from some people who were on the flight.
Howard said he may move into the Central Park Zoo because they have less animals there. Robin read about how they're trying to clamp down on the violence in London. The police have been making their presence known to try and stop the looting and burning things.
Robin read about Gavin DeGraw being attacked on the street and getting hit by a cab. Robin said they're still investigating how the attack occurred. He was too drunk to remember it himself. Howard didn't even know who the guy was. Robin said he's a singer. She had Howard play some of his stuff. Howard remembered him when he heard the song. He likes the song actually. Robin said Gavin didn't remember much about the attack and he Tweeted about that.
Robin had a story about the Cowsills having a movie coming out. Howard said it's only 30 years too late. Robin said they'll be around for the screening of the movie ''Family Man the Cowsills Story.'' Howard said they were really good on the show all those years ago. Howard said when they sing Hair it's good.
Robin read about how the Monkees won't be continuing their tour. Howard said that's a real shame. Now a 90 year old Davy Jones won't be singing ''I'm a Believer.''
Robin read about Piers Morgan going on Conan O'Brien the other night to talk about the accusations of him being involved in the phone hacking scandal going on in England. Robin had some audio of Piers on Conan O'Brien talking about Heather Mills accusing him of hacking her phone. Piers says he wasn't part of the scandal.
Gary told Howard that Sam Simon sent him the email he asked for. Howard read the email which was about his cat and how it turns into a hoarding thing when you get too many. Howard said that just bummed him out. Robin said he's not accusing him of hoarding but he's close to it.
Robin said that Tag Heuer is dropping Tiger Woods. Howard said he's amazed they stuck with him this long. Robin said that they can't stick with him if he's not winning. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:15am.
Gary asked if they played the SoberStock stuff today. Jon said Howard didn't get to that. He said he didn't even know this stuff existed. Gary said Wolfie is doing what Steve Grillo wanted to do and they don't even have to tell him what to do. Gary said Grillo would ask how to get in and how to do it but Wolfie just does it and figures it out himself. He said it makes their life easier.
Jon said that he wants to talk about Tim and Ross too. Gary said there's more and more bad blood there and it's not getting better. He said that Tim is still cracking jokes about it and Ross isn't happy about that. Jon said that Tim is just breaking his balls but there may be more to it than that.
Jon said he thinks that Tim thinks that Ross is being babyish about this but Ross is right that they were in a meeting and he has a right to be upset. Gary said if you're overly upset about something and someone needles you about it, is the person being a dick or just having fun?
Benjy asked if there's any history there. Gary said they were buddies before this. Benjy said it seems like the teachers in school are fighting. He said that's the way it feels to him. Jon said Tim is getting upset because he's trying to have a good time and this is happening. Benjy asked who is more powerful there. Gary said Ross may be more powerful there at Sirius than Tim is. Tim is more powerful there at the two channels. Jon said it's good for them because Ross won't let it go. Benjy said that Ross has great hair so he's not sure what people are talking about. Jon said if they want to come down and talk about it they can. He said they're more than welcome to come in.
Jon said that Mary Louise Parker met Ron and that's not the kind of meeting you want to have. Jon said Ron has this ''Becoming Howard'' thing in the works and it seems like there's something there.
Jon asked what happened with Good Morning America. Gary said they took a Howard TV crew down there and they did seem to be fooled by his look. Benjy said that the one thing that's missing is the height. He said that he still had to take a double take when he saw him. Jon said he thought the Dave Navarro bit had a shot at working but then he knew it wasn't him. Dave said he didn't listen to the show but Gary heard otherwise. Gary said he unplugged the speaker and they had just plugged it back in when he went in there. Gary said that one of his people said they were listening in the car so they knew what was going on. Dave may not have been listening at the time.
Benjy said they should do it in like 3 months and not say a word about it before the guest comes in. Benjy said that he likes this Howard because he actually talks to him and he's nice to him. Gary said they should have him go into the green room and see how far he can get talking to them. They had to go to break after that.
Gary asked Ross why he's angrier today than he is yesterday. Ross said he is angry at Tim. He said it's a sensitive subject and the more Tim talks about it the more it bothers him. He said if he knew it bothered him and wanted to move on then he'd just say he's sorry. He said he's still making a joke of it. Ross said it's more than just busting balls. Ross said he's not in this circle of the jokes that go on there in the Howard Stern world. He said he doesn't dish it out against Tim. He doesn't go on Twitter and do anything like this. He's not in the Lotus Notes group that he sent the email to. Ross said he felt he was sucker punched. He said Jason is next on his list too.
Ross said he's getting email from the Stern haters too. He said he gets all of that on Twitter and they're commenting on his wife and telling him to shut up and deal with it. Jon said that Ross was accused of calling Tim fat. Ross said that Tim has been through a lot and he's protective of him most of the time. He said he's been a true friend to the guy.
Jason came in so Jon asked Ross why he's upset with him. Ross said that Jason went on his personal Twitter feed and wrote something about him. Jason said he loves ball busting. Ross asked if he wants him to ball bust on him. Jason invited him to go ahead and do it. Ross said he thought he was a friend of Jason and Will's. He said he took him to Yankee stadium and things like that.
Jason said yesterday he was listening to Tim yesterday saying he was going to go Photoshop hair on Ross' picture. He busted out laughing and he put that quote up on Twitter. He said it had nothing to do with Ross. He said it was just a great joke.
Ross said that he has helped Jason with fashion advice and he's done with that and being his friend. He's fine with being his co-worker but that's it. Jason said he's the most sensitive mother fucker he's ever met. He said he's fine with him being out of his life. Ross said he doesn't think there is a friendship there. Jason didn't see it that way. Jason said that he's seen Ross crying over so many things there. He said he's also done some things there with the other salesmen where he's gotten them upset and yelled at them. Ross said he's not yelling at them. Jason said he's seen him fight with the sales guy Sam. Ross said he doesn't know what he does.
Ross asked if he knows what he does there. Jason said he's the promotions guy. Ross said that Jason accused him of doing things and he doesn't really know why he acts a certain way. Ross said he doesn't yell and scream. Jason said he does too. He said he's seen him doing it.
Ross called Jason a ''Gary Junior.'' Jason wasn't sure if that was an insult. Ross said that Jason tends to flex more than he should with the power he has. Jason said he thinks Ross flexes more than he should with the power he has too. He said he holds things over people's heads. Ross and Jason went back and forth and Jason said he feels that Ross is very childish. He said that when you call people fat and ugly in meetings that's wrong. He said he did that to Sam Benrubi. Jason said that he's talking professionalism but he's not acting professional himself. Ross said if he knew what his job was and what he does then maybe he'd understand why he does what he does.
Jason said maybe he'd understand better if he knew what he did. Jason mentioned something that Ross had done where he suggested that they put special words into the show for advertisers but Gary turned that down for 4 years but he kept asking for it. He said that Ross won't take no for an answer and he brings it up. Ross said the rules in sales are to never take no for an answer. He asked Jason if he takes no for an answer when he books guests for Geektime. Jason said that he doesn't yell at them like Ross does with his sales people.
Jon asked Jason what his beef is with Ross. Jason said that he heard Ross was upset with him and he came in. He said he didn't know they had a beef. He said he knows Ross is sensitive. He said he has a big ego and all of that. Everyone was laughing so Jason asked why they're laughing. Ross said that if Jason wasn't in this line of work he probably wouldn't have a job. Jason said that he thought Ross was fired from his job at the record company. Gary said that they actually wanted to keep Ross and Ross quit.
Ross said he'd like to see where Jason is in 4 years when the gravy train is over. Jason said he's there working harder than Ross does. He said no one handed him that job. He said that he beat out a large field of candidates. Gary said that he's going to defend Jason here. He said that they don't carry anyone around that place. He said Jason worked hard to get where he is.
Jason said that Ross is a ball buster and Tim was wrong for doing what he did. He said that Tim did have a point when he told Ross to get over it. He said that people leave him in droves. Ross asked how fat he is. He said he's going to start weighing him every day. He said he's going to do attendance and Jason is going to be weighed.
Jason said that he noticed that his assistants flock away from him. Ross said he wishes he wasn't there working with him. Ross said he's a piece of work. Jason said so is Ross. He said they're both a piece of work. Ross told Jason he'll learn. He said that it's fun for this environment but not anywhere else. Jason said that Ross will probably be retired in 4 years on some beach. Jon had to cut them off and go to break.
Jason said that he never hated Ross but he just told him that he loved him but he won't protect him anymore because of that tweet he sent out yesterday. Jason said that he will get past Tim sending out a picture of him balding but he won't get over this Tweet thing and him calling him unprofessional.
Gary said there's more to all of this and they rally need to talk it out. Jason said that he goes down that road that no one else will go down. He said it's a big, big road.
Gary said they have sales meetings on Mondays and Jason will crack a joke and he'll find it funny but no one else will. He said it's funny and they ask how he has the right to joke about something like that. Jason said Ross snapped at him once when he wanted to get out of the meeting one day. He said that they're fine if Gary says it but not when he does.
Gary said they had a client that came to them about using a made up word in the show if Howard could work it into the show. He said he didn't think Howard would do it but they were willing to offer an insane amount of money for it. He said they do have some integrity there so they didn't do it.
Jason said he didn't come in there to fight with Ross but today he's leaving with a new enemy. They had to end the show a short time later.
Remembering Sam Kinison With Jessica Hahn. 08/11/04. 6:00am
Howard was listening to the tapes that Bill Kinison sent him of his brother Sam preaching. He said it's like his stand-up act without the jokes. He played a couple of clips of Sam yelling during his sermon. It was Sam being Sam but he wasn't telling jokes. He was talking about how he can't tell jokes anymore during this sermon. Robin said she thought it was the funniest thing he ever said as he was screaming about the empty faces he would see during his stand-up act. At one point Sam breaks down and starts crying. Howard played that clip and said that he was praying for Jesus and asked for his people to pray for him. Howard said you have to miss that guy after hearing that stuff.
Robin picked up on how often Sam was saying ''Amen'' after just about everything he said. Howard wasn't sure how his voice could hold up during that. Jessica Hahn called in while this was going on to talk about Sam since she had gone out with him many years ago. Jessica remembered the days when they were together and she'd ask him to preach to her like that sometimes. Howard reminded everyone that Jessica was a ''church girl'' way back then and she ended up hooking up with Jim Bakker who was a preacher.
Howard said he would talk about some of the stuff that Jessica and Sam did way back then but he can't bring that stuff up because of the FCC and what's going on with them. He said he was reading about some of the stuff they censored out of the show yesterday and he was getting really depressed. They cut out so much it makes him want to get out of there. They have to cut stuff out because there's just the slightest chance they could eventually be fined by the FCC.
Howard and Jessica talked about the time Sam soiled himself in bed one time but they didn't get into a lot of details about that. Jessica had to clean up after him with a bottle of Windex she found. Howard asked her about having sex with Sam and if he was good or not. She said that he was great and it was a lot of fun for him to do that stuff with her. Jessica brought up Howard's bulletin board and said that she can't get on there for some reason. She's been unable to get on so she's waiting to hear back from someone who can help her out with it. Jessica told the guys she loves them and told each of them they've been great. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard and Robin talked about the time Jessica cleaned up Sam's mess and how upset Sam got with her for talking about it. It made for some great radio back then though. Sam called in and ended up yelling at Jessica about talking about that incident. Howard played more clips from the tape Bill Kinison sent him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he registered for Howard's bulletin board but he's unable to get on the site. He says he's told that he's not an authorized user and they can't let him in. Howard told the guy that they can't let more than a certain number of people on there at one time. He said he's been told they're working on fixing the problems. Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard about the chat he had last night on the board. He told a story about how he started his own thread and how many people were responding to his post. Tom told his wife to check out the thread so she could see what was going on. Then the horrible posts started to be posted about her even though they didn't know she was on. Tom said he had a great time doing it though. Even his wife Penelope enjoyed the conversation even though there was some negative stuff being posted about her. Howard said she's a good sport to put up with that.
Robin asked if Fred if he's given up on the nuts and berries. Fred said he gave those up years ago. He eats yogurt now. Howard asked if he had any today. Gary said he's never seen any of this. Howard said he blocks him out on purpose. Howard said he's not sure how Robin pays attention to the show. Robin said she has trained herself to do that.
Gary said Fred has never even asked for a spoon or anything. Fred said he has to be self reliant. Howard said next time he leaves the room he's going to go through his bag. Jackie said Howard is doing that alone. Howard said he needs Jackie's help.
Howard and the guys were goofing on Fred about the way he eats too. He drinks his yogurt. He only has to bring it to his mouth 2 or 3 times and it's gone. Howard said it's almost like he doesn't like it. Howard said Fred hides behind that little wall he built so no one can see that. Robin said she's been pondering this for about 3 weeks about why he drinks his yogurt. Robin was laughing and goofing on him and Fred said he was just about ready to add the three other letters to the C word.
Howard asked why he doesn't use a spoon. Fred said he just doesn't want to deal with it. Howard said he's also consumed with coffee. Fred said he's been cutting back on that. He said if he drank as much as he needed to he'd be jumping through the glass and choking Robin to death. Robin just kept laughing and goofing on Fred.
Robin mentioned Fred's sandwich so Howard asked about that too. Fred orders turkey sandwiches that he brings in. He has one that he brings in with him but he orders it the night before. Fred said they delivery in Manhattan so he gets the meal and the sandwich. He gets his dinner and breakfast at the same time. Howard asked why his wife isn't making him something. Robin said she's in a play. Fred said even when there wasn't a play there wasn't much cooking going on.
Howard asked Fred about his morning apple too. Fred told him he's late for that. He usually eats that around 6:30. Howard asked when he eats his sandwich. Fred said that can be between 7 and 8. Gary said everything is backing up now. Fred said he has to feed. Howard said they should attach a feed bag to him.
Howard said he would love to see Fred eating that yogurt. He wondered why he won't eat it with a spoon. Fred said he doesn't want to be bothered. Jackie had never seen him drink that yogurt because that wall is built in front of him. Howard couldn't believe that he had never seen that. Robin said Fred moves his chair into the corner when he's eating. They goofed on him for a little longer and then moved on.
Howard played more of Soupy and goofed on his clothes. Howard said he was shopping at this store and they told him they dress Soupy. He said he stopped going there.
Howard goofed on Soupy some more after playing a couple more clips. Howard said he had something where Soupy talks about Willie Nelson. Soupy was being interviewed by some guy about Willie and Soupy was commenting on him and not making much sense. Howard would play a few seconds of the interview and try to figure out what Soupy was talking about.
Howard said he liked the first one where he was talking about Pee Wee Herman. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he was talking about a peanut butter convention he's going to be doing. He was apparently paying more attention than anyone else.
Robin said Howard used to really like him. Howard said he loved his TV show when he was a kid. He said he did all kinds of neat stuff. Howard said he would open a door and a railroad would be coming into his house. He said that's not very real though. He replayed the clip of Soupy talking about how Pee Wee's show isn't very real so he doesn't like it. Howard did his Soupy impression and goofed on him for a couple of minutes. He said Soupy has all of these theories so maybe he should run for President. He was making fun of the comments he made about Pee Wee.
Howard said he wishes that Soupy would come on this show and promote stuff. He said he'd love that. He did more of his impression and had a discussion with Robin about his old TV show and how talking objects on Pee Wee's show just isn't right. Howard goofed on him about his sweaters too.
Howard played more of the Soupy comments about Pee Wee. He was talking about how he'd be locked up in a home if he walked down the street dressed like he'd dressed. Howard said the thing is that he's not walking down the street like that. He's doing it on TV. Howard continued goofing on Soupy by doing his impression of him and making fun of what he was saying.
Howard said Soupy used to yell at his guys on his show at NBC. He said he would be in the bathroom yelling at his guys. Howard told Gary to come in because he remembers dialog from those moments. He said that Gary is able to remember that stuff. Gary came in so Howard asked him about the time he yelled at Ray and his piano player. Howard asked what they were talking about. Gary said it wasn't in the bathroom. He said the guy came in and they were doing their thing and Soupy asked what it was like outside and this guy Paul said it was nice. Soupy freaked out, turned off his mic and yelled at the guy. Howard played more of Soupy rambling and goofed on him some more before wrapping up.
Howard played the song and talked about what a stupid band it was and what a jerk Robert Plant was. Howard sang along to the song as he played it. Howard put echo on his voice so it would match the song. Howard kept going and eventually bailed on it saying it sucks. Fred threw in some yodeling guy audio clip.
Howard asked Gary to bring in more songs that he could play. He ended up playing ''Over the Hills and Far Away'' next. He sang along to that one like he was doing with Kashmir. Robin told him to try it on key. Howard tried but he gave up. He said it just wasn't the same. Gary and Robin told him to keep going. He was getting to the good part. Howard kept going and sang with the chorus. Howard wasn't able to follow along with the lyrics though. He gave up. Howard said he was looking at the song lyrics and now realizes that they meant nothing. They ended the segment a short time later.
Howard said Pete has been such a thorn in Roger's side. Howard said he wants to go out and perform and Pete doesn't. Howard said Pete insists on being such a dick. He asked Roger if that's true. Roger said he wouldn't go that far. Roger said he could come up with some other names for him. Howard asked if he hopes he hits his nose when he's wind milling his guitar. Roger said he doesn't wish that on him.
Howard asked Roger if he thinks that The Who should be out there performing. Roger said that he thinks he should be doing it as long as they possibly can.
Howard said Pete is a genius but he's being a pecker head about the whole thing. He said Roger knows it and he's said it in so many words. He said he has to say it for him now. Roger said he'd get bleeped out if he said it.
Howard asked Roger about cheating on his women. Roger said that if you're a rock star and you go out on a 3 month tour then you don't come back and claim you were faithful. Howard said he wants to go on tour. He said it's no wonder Roger is out on tour. He said he doesn't want to stay home with his fishery.
Howard said Roger has a lot of dough and he must have over a hundred million. Roger said he does okay but it's not anywhere near that. Howard guessed 50 million and Roger said he'd be happy if it was 1/5th of that.
Howard said Roger is saying that there is some guilt when it comes to the women. Roger said it comes later though. Howard said he has to do it. Roger said that you are pumped up with adrenaline when you get off stage. He said that if his wife is 6,000 miles away he has to do something. Howard said this is a benefit for being a rock star. He said that it's not all about the money. Roger said the music came first. He said they didn't get into it for the money.
Howard said he's fascinated by this whole thing. He said he had to take a break and hear about what's going on with his career. Howard asked if he's performing the whole Quadrophenia thing. Roger said it's the music of The Who as performed by Roger Daltrey. He said that he also has John Entwhistle. Roger said Pete was okay with him calling it ''The Who'' but he didn't want to do that.
Howard said the songs are great and anyone can play the guitar. Pete said the band is really good. Howard asked if it's better than Pete. Roger said it's really not. He said that they're good and they have more energy than Pete has in a long time. He said he has a really good laugh when they perform together. He said that's why he can't talk in the morning.
Howard asked to smell Roger's hand. Roger offered it up and Howard said he smelled something. He asked who he was with last night. He said it must have been a harem he was with last night. Roger said this was disgusting. Howard went to break after that.
After the edited out break Howard got back to bashing Pete Townshend. Howard said they learned that Roger has a lot of sex and he's allowed to do that. Roger said that he was talking about the past. he's been married 27 years. Roger said his wife comes out on tour now. He said they get along great.
Howard asked Roger why he sings ''reign o'er me.'' Roger said he sings it as ''over'' sometimes. Howard said they're doing a whole thing in the concerts. He said Roger was telling him about that during the break. Howard said he's singing his brains out too. He said he has to blow his voice out every night. Roger said if he doesn't give it then it just doesn't work.
Howard said he had a woman on the phone who claims that he had sex with her years ago. Howard picked up on her and asked if she's still hot. She said she's 27 now and she was 17 at the time. She said she didn't have sex with him. She said she just met him. The woman said she went to Roger's house after meeting Pete. She said they were big groupies back then. Howard asked what size bra she has. She didn't want to say.
The caller said that they knocked on the door and Roger came out in a bathing suit. She said that he invited them in. She said they went to the back yard to the pool. Howard asked why he would let them in. Roger said that without these fans he wouldn't have that house. Howard said they don't have to visit though. Howard asked if the wife was away. The caller said that his wife was actually there and they got to sit on his lap.
Gary said she left out a funny part of the story. She met Pete and Mick Jagger was there. Pete told them where Roger lived and told them that he was home on the weekends.
Howard let the caller go and said that's pretty nice of him to let them into his house. Howard gave Roger some plugs for the tour he's on and for the box set of CDs they have out. Howard tried to find out what he's going to leave to his kids but Roger didn't want to talk about money. He said there are other things that he can leave to them other than money. Howard said he doesn't know what that could be. Roger said there are kids who are left with fortunes and they're messed up the rest of their life. Howard said his kids are already rich people though. They wrapped up the interview a short time later.
After playing that bit Gary said that they didn't edit the part where Pat says ''It's a two way street'' over and over. Howard said they did edit it a little bit. He said this is show business so they have to do some editing.
Riley Martin Fired. For Good. 08/11/09. 10:35am
Riley Martin was on the phone saying he was going to put a curse on them all. Riley said that Tim Sabean is a bigot and he fired him. Howard said he heard why. Howard said that it didn't have anything to do with bigotry. Riley said that Tim Sabean would have operated the ovens at Auschwitz if he had been there.
Howard said that Riley was acting inappropriately. Riley said he just asked for 2 hours of show to help him pay some bills. Riley said Tim didn't do anything for him. He said he took out one page of advertising for his show and that's what he got fired over. Howard said that he can't just take advertising for his show.
Riley said that he has put a curse on them and they had better watch out for the next 72 hours. Howard stopped and said he just looked in the mirror and told Robin to look at what Riley had done to his face.
Tim Sabean came in and said that things are over for Riley there. Tim said he gave him a couple of chances to straighten things out and he didn't do it.
Riley said that Tim hates Negroes and Jews and others. Riley said he drinks the blood of children too. He said that people bought radios because of him and he's going to make sure he gets them to stop subscribing.
Tim said that Riley made decisions on what he was doing and now he's paying the price. Howard told Riley that he can't take out ads on his own show on SIRIUS. Riley said he did it just one time. Howard said he can't do it any times.
Ralph called in and told Riley that it was funny bitching about money for the first two years that he was on. He said it's not funny anymore. He said he has to stop bitching about money. Howard asked Riley if he's drinking. Riley wasn't answering.
Howard said he told Tim not to fire him even if he did something illegal. Howard said he's sorry about that but Tim had to do what he had to do. Howard said he actually said that he told Tim that he can't keep him around if he's going around trying to sell ads on his own show. Riley said that they are reprehensible and they are not out of the woods. He said that they will not do him this way. Howard asked what he can do to get the curse off of him. Riley said they can put him on in real time.
Howard said he understands what happened there but he wasn't behind it. Riley said that Howard had to be behind it. Howard said he really wasn't though.
Tim said that Riley lied to him and he can't stand for that. Riley said he had to pay for rent. Howard said he was scared that Riley had cursed him but he cursed Richie Wilson 2 years ago and nothing happened to him. Riley said he never cursed him but Howard said he did it on the air. Riley said ''Bullshiiiit.''
Howard told Riley that he can't do this stuff, illegally, and not have any repercussions. He said that Riley was doing something illegal. Riley said that Howard always was and always will be a piece of shit. He said that Robin will always be a white boy dick sucker and a Jew hater.
Howard said he feels bad for Eron who was working for Riley. Riley didn't believe that he felt bad for anyone. Riley said all he did was ask Tim for some more hours for his show. Tim said that they gave him a four hour show one night. Riley insisted that he didn't do anything for him.
Howard said that he really had nothing to do with the firing but he can't keep him on the air if he's lying to people and doing illegal things. Riley said he took just one advertisement and he knows he shouldn't have done it. Tim said that Riley was told not to bring that advertiser back but he went ahead and did it a second time so they had to delete it from the broadcast.
Howard said it was a mistake giving Riley a show. Tim asked if he's going to stop getting calls calling him a cheap Jew. Howard told Riley to have Eron call him because he may have a spot for him. Riley said ''fuck you'' and told him to watch his back for 72 hours because he has put his curse on them and his thoughts can manifest themselves. Howard said it sounded like a threat to him.
Riley also told Robin to pay for her Symbol. Artie told Riley that he paid for his symbol. Riley said he wasn't talking to Artie. Howard thanked Riley for calling in but he told him that he is in no condition to understand what he's saying to him. Howard had to hang up on Riley because he was just going on and on not letting Howard get in a word.
Howard said that even if Riley did have the power to put a curse on them, he'd get it wrong. Artie asked if it was true that he sold advertising on his own. Howard said that was the case. Gary said that Jim McClure told him that Riley knew what he was doing because after Tim told him not to do it again, he said on the air that Tim told him not to do it again and he did it anyway. Howard said it's best that they ended that show.
Robin's Swimming Lessons And Howard's Many Dinners. 8/11/03. 6:35am
Howard said this summer in New York has been like living in England with the amount of rain they've been getting. It's almost every day they get rain. Robin said she's been taking swimming lessons but it's tough with the rain going on all the time. She said when she was about 5 years old she had an accident and almost drowned. She said she still has a phobia about going underwater when she can touch her feet to the bottom. Howard told her she has to get over that to swim. Howard also asked her about her teacher and she said he's a young man so Howard and Artie made some jokes about how the guy would be teaching her the breast stroke and make her swim bottomless. Howard asked if she's fantasized about him yet. She laughed and said ''no'' but Howard and Artie still made some jokes about it. Howard told her the guy, who is in college, could probably give it to her hard and fast if she wanted him to. Howard said he might have to video tape some of those lessons. Robin said ''No way!'' to that request though. He continued to goof around with the idea of the guy hitting on her at the lesson for a short time. Howard asked her if she's getting close to this guy. She said they're keeping the relationship ''professional.'' Howard and Artie kept on her about the whole thing though and continued to create a porn movie around the whole thing. Robin said she had a problem breathing in some water and the teacher told her that he could save her life if she had a problem. She said she'd rather not have him use all of his skills during her lessons though.
Howard got back to Arnold Schwarzenegger after that. He said he wants to back Arnold but now he's thinking that he might want to back Father Guido Sarducci because his sister was the Surgeon General a while back. He replayed the clip of Matt Lauer interviewing Arnold again and the guys pointed out how Arnold talks about the subjects he's asked about by saying ''...and stuff'' when answering. Howard said he can relate to that though so it's not a bad thing. He said he's for Arnold running. Howard said President Bush is also apparently backing him. Howard and Artie were doing their impressions of Arnold talking about all of the other celebrities who could be in the race.
Robin's Big Birthday Party At Jackie's House. 8/11/97. 6:20am
Howard spent a while talking about the big birthday bash that Jackie's wife Nancy threw for Robin. The thing took place at one of Jackie's three homes. There were so many things going on at that party that it was hard to keep track. The house is near the water and according to General Manager Tom Chiusano there was some kind of disgusting algae floating in the water. There was also something that resembled toilet paper floating in it. Jackie had a nice cake made for Robin. It was 2 big breasts but the nipples were stuck to the inside of the box. Jackie and Nancy were both extremely drunk. There was no food to munch on so some people went out to eat. They did make some food but it wasn't until about 9 or 10 o'clock. Jackie didn't have any propane to cook with so it took forever to cook the 100 lobsters that he had. This was all according to Howard's account of the party. Everyone there had a story of their own to tell though. It must have been quite a site.
In the clip we heard Howard talking about his song and how he wrote it when he was very young and it still holds up. He said it doesn't make any sense though. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard played the song as they played it on the show the day before.
Howard said they didn't even change any of the lyrics. He said they were at some club and the crowd started screaming for the song so they had to play it a second time. Howard said the kids were all banging into each other. Mike Gange came in and said that he was at the club and the kids were all slamming into each other there. He said it was wild. Gange said as soon as they mentioned it the whole crowd knew what it was. Howard said that sounds cool.
Howard said he has to get back into the studio and get together with Carger and Dickowitz. Howard said he actually wrote the words and the music himself. Gange said the kids there were getting nuts and slamming and body surfing and stuff. He said one kid had blood on his head from getting banged up so much. Howard said that's like their biggest song right now. Robin said they have a great look, especially the lead singer. Howard said he thinks that he looks like Ethan Hawke. The guys in the band goof on him about that but what's there to goof on? He said he'd love to have people saying he looks like Ethan Hawke.
Howard said he's going to write some songs. He said he's going to record the ideas he has and he'll play them for Robin. Howard said he'll be like Bobby McFerrin and do that whole thing. That led to Fred playing some Bobby McFerrin. Howard said he's going to walk around with a mini-cassette this weekend and record ever song that comes into his head.
Retarded Phone Sex! 08/11/04. 7:35am
Howard tried to take a call from Wendy the Retard but she wasn't on the line. They could hear her in the background yelling stuff but they couldn't quite make out what she was saying. You could hear Howard's show playing in the background with the delay slowly catching up. She eventually ran over to the phone and hit her toe on a chair. Wendy told Howard that she has been unable to get herself on the bulletin board. Gary said that Jason has tried to walk her through getting on but it's still not working. Howard told Wendy that the problem is that she's retarded. Jason came in and said that she has more access than most people on the board but she still can't log on for some reason. Howard told him to try logging in with her password to make sure she actually is doing something wrong. Jason is pretty sure she is doing something wrong.
Wendy told Howard she wants to go out with him. He wondered if she would make out with him like she did with High Pitch Erik out in Las Vegas a few months ago. Howard asked Wendy what she was wearing this morning. She said she was in a bikini and she's 5'5'' tall and weighs 210 pounds. She claims that she's working out now trying to lose weight for him. Howard told her he likes her being 5'5'' weighing 210 pounds. He said he'd give her soft kisses on her lips and stroke her head. Wendy said she'd draw a hot picture of him. Howard would then untie her bikini top... That probably squeezes her fat so it looks like a roast beef with the strings around it. Howard asked her if she has stretch marks on her breasts because he likes that. She was saying ''yes'' to everything he was saying.
Howard wanted to hear Wendy moan for him. She was trying to do something but she would just keep saying ''yes'' over and over again. Howard laid Wendy down on her bed and told her that she was topless. Wendy kept saying ''yes'' to everything he was saying so Howard asked her to say ''yes'' over and over again. He then asked her to say ''no'' but she threw in another ''yes.''
Wendy asked Howard to play his song ''Every Homo'' before he hung up on her. Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) called in and asked Howard not to have retard phone sex anymore because he'd just puked on his steering wheel. Howard said he can't wait for Wendy to start posting on the bulletin board. He asked her to spell the word bread. She spelled it BORED. She claims that she can type and she uses both hands. She was able to spell love when she was asked to. Howard played ''Every Homo'' for Wendy before he got her off the phone and went to commercial break.
Howard played some Allman Brothers stuff and goofed on them for a short time. Howard said they really are self indulgent. Howard said it goes on and on. Howard said his theory is that they're lost and can't find their way home.
Howard was saying they're so screwed up that none of the guys will end the song. He said they must argue about who is going to end it. He said the song goes on and on forever. Howard said this song had Greg Allman so confused it made him marry Cher.
Howard said they have a song that goes on so long you have to flip the record to hear the rest of it. He had Fred give him that album too. Howard said the song was so important they couldn't end the song. He said this Apple Jam song was 15 minutes long. He played some of that and goofed on them. He said that was continued from Mountain Jam which was 19 minutes long. Howard said that wasn't the end of it either. Once you finished their album you had to call their answering machine to hear the rest. Jackie got a laugh out of that one.
Howard fast forwarded through the song and got to the end of side one on the record. The song just fades out. Then you flip the record and it starts again. Fred played some snoring sounds. Howard said the rest of the band goes out to the audience and ties them up so they can't leave while the drummer fills in.
Raphael asked Howard and Robin some questions and said some words that were confusing. Marlene said tuchas at one point so Howard said he thought this was a Spanish station. He said he knows that word. Howard goofed on their way of broadcasting and said that the Spanish listeners are supposed to learn from them but they're not speaking correctly.
Raphael asked Howard how tall he is. Howard wondered what kind of question that is. Howard said he wanted to ask Marlene a question. He asked how old she was when her pinata was broken. They didn't want to answer that one.
Howard told them that he's 6'5'' tall. Howard said any Spanish babes who want to come down and meet with him he'll be there. He said he's a real man unlike Raphael who is an old man. Howard wished Raphael good luck with his refried career.
Howard kept correcting Raphael on his pronunciation of Howard. Raphael got off the line a short time later.
In the clip Howard went to his traffic reporter Mama Lookaboobooday. Howard was doing the character as if he was reporting from a helicopter. Robin talked to him for a short time about Mama going to a crack house and getting caught up in a police sting or something.
Howard did his character for a few minutes with Robin helping out. Howard was talking about 9-1-1 being a joke and how it should be called 9-White-White since the cops are all white. Howard eventually came out of character and talked about what an angry dude that is.
Eric The Midget Needs A Job. 08/11/04. 10:00am
After taking a break Howard played a new voice mail he had from Eric the Midget. Eric asked that they take him serious about helping to get him a job. He's looking for ''the real deal'' and needs to get a job. Howard said that Eric is like 1 foot tall and in a wheel chair. He has no idea how to get him a job. He asked Gilbert if he thinks he sounds like an evil villain like they've said in the past. Gilbert went into his Dracula impression for a few seconds and then did a quick impression of Eric. Howard and Artie were saying that they could use him as bait for fishing or something like that. Gilbert continued to do his Dracula impression and goofed on Eric the Midget a little more. Eric says that he's stuck on SSI for his income and needs help getting a job. Fred was playing some music in the background to make it seem like a monster movie so Gilbert kept on going with his Dracula and Eric the Midget impressions. He was relentless as he goofed on the guy.
Richard Christy made a prank call to Eric the Midget as Dick Buffman, a wrestling promoter. He told Eric they had an idea for him to play the part of ''The Bat'' where his partner would pick him up and throw him at their opponent. Eric would then have to bite his opponent. He also said they may drop him from the rafters with working bat wings at wrestling events. Richard breaks down and tells Eric who he is and Eric didn't sound so thrilled that they were goofing on him again.
Gilbert thought that stuff was pretty funny and goofed on Eric even more. Artie thought ''The Bat'' idea was a good one and he'd like to see that actually happen. Howard replayed Eric's voice mail that he'd played a few minutes earlier. The guys had a little more fun with that before Howard had Robin start her news.
Nig*erWhat? 08/11/04. 10:10am
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed that his legal name is Nig*erWhat. The guy was trying to explain to Howard that his father was lynched back in 1930 and he watched it happen. The guy said the guys were asking his father questions starting off with ''nig*er what...'' so he took on the name. Robin has seen this guy posting on the HowardStern.com bulletin board so they kind of know him. Nig*erWhat said that he ran into the man who put the noose around his father's neck and ended up killing the guy. He turned to the guy and asked him ''nig*er, what are you going to do now?'' before he killed him. Nig*erWhat said he went to prison for a while and was brutally raped by ''his kind'' in jail. The white guards would stand around watching and cheering the guys on as it went on.
After hearing the horrible story Howard was going to give the guy a $500 prize courtesy of ''Kill Bill Vol. 2.'' Nig*erWhat said that he is willing to kill himself on air to protest the FCC if Howard wanted. Howard told him that's not something he'd want to happen and it's not worth it to kill himself over the FCC. Nig*erWhat suggested that they give Michael Powell a deadline to appear on the show and if he doesn't show up, he will kill himself. The guy says that he's 86 years old and doesn't have much longer to live anyway. Howard said he would like to meet Nig*erWhat so he put him on hold so they could schedule him to come in.
Robin finally got to her news and started off with a story about a family that killed and ate a family member at a wedding in the Philippines. She said the story came from CNN so it must have been true. She also talked about the Mike Wallace story they had discussed earlier in the show. Gilbert was interrupting Robin constantly making jokes about every story she brought up. Nig*erWhat's name came up in just about every story that she mentioned. That got Artie rolling as well so the two of them were cracking jokes constantly.
Howard took some phone calls during the news to try and calm the two of them down but it didn't work. That just motivated them even more to keep doing their bits. A woman called in and said she tunes in to hear Robin read her news every day but she can't hear it because Gilbert won't shut up. Howard kept asking them to calm down. They eventually calmed down a little bit but Gilbert just couldn't stop laughing. Robin brought up the Kobe Bryant case and Gilbert just sat there wheezing from laughing so much.
One story was about Vanessa Williams getting divorced from Rick Fox. That led to Tom Chiusano coming in and talking about how he rode the elevator with her recently. He said she really is beautiful but she does have bad skin. Howard said he heard that she listens to the show and is a fan. Gilbert couldn't get over the Nig*erWhat thing but Howard told him it was enough already because even he was sick of it. Gilbert calmed down a bit after that and let Robin finish up her news with a little less interruption.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a 44 year old virgin. Howard wondered why he was a virgin. The caller said that he has tried dating and he's never closed the deal. Howard didn't believe it. He asked if he was in a wheelchair or something. The guy said he wasn't.
Howard said he's ugly himself but he figured out a way to talk to girls and get laid. Howard said he got into drugs and that helped at times. He said he's anti-drug now but he used to buy pot and pretended to smoke it to keep his wits. Howard said the caller should develop a look or something so he can get chicks. The virgin said that he thinks God has a plan for him and he must be there for some reason. Howard said if he was 44 he'd figure out a way to get laid. He'd pay for it if he had to. The virgin said that he's afraid of sleeping with a prostitute. He said they drive them out of Dallas anyway.
Gary came in and said he could go on one of those trips to the Philippines where they take guys and they get laid. Howard said he could do that. He said they all look great over there too. They have great bodies but funny faces. Howard said he's seen a video of one of those trips. Howard said you get on a bus over there and you go to a bar and there are girls who shack up with you for a week. Howard said if you like those chicks you can bring one home with you.
Howard said he heard that some guy bought a girl from her father. Howard said that's just great. He said it's amazing what a guy will do when his belly is empty.
The virgin said that he's in good shape and he's not sure why he can't get laid. He said he's a delivery driver but he does other things too. Howard said he's not sure he believes this story. The virgin said he has gotten to third base with a women but he has never gotten any further. Howard said he must have had girls who liked him. The guy said he had one girl who wanted him to marry her. Howard said you lie to her and tell her anything to get laid. He said he has no idea what he's missing if he's 44 and still a virgin. Robin said he'd explode if he was with a woman.
Howard asked if he has a huge porn collection. The virgin said he looks at Playboy but that's it. He said they have the most beautiful women there in Dallas too. Howard said he wants to hear his technique talking to girls. He told the virgin to talk to him like he was a hot chick at a bar. The virgin said he doesn't even drink. Howard said that might be his problem. Howard asked if he's a religious nut. The virgin said he's really not.
Howard tried to get the virgin to talk to him as if he was a girl. He was going to play Howina. The virgin tried talking to him and he asked what she was doing there and what she was doing that night. Robin just said ''Oh boy'' after hearing him trying to talk to Howina. Howard had him start over and try it again. Howard gave up after a few seconds. He said he really has no personality. Howard said the guy sounds like Mr. Rogers. Fred played the Mr. Rogers music theme song and Howard goofed on the guy a little more. He said he doesn't have a personality and Howard said he felt like his legs were getting glued together during this conversation.
Jackie said he believes this guy now that he's heard him. Howard said he did too. He said he was annoyed with him and had to go. He hung up a short time later.
Artie Stories. 08/11/05. 9:55am
Robin brought up a story about Courtney Love and how she may have violated her sobriety and has to go back to court. That led to Artie talking about how he can't wait to violate his sobriety. He said that Rob Schneider had showed him some pictures from when they were out in Vegas and he thought one of the pictures was of him when he was blacked out. Howard told Artie that he really can't start drinking again because it's just not for him. Artie said that he has a plan and that would be to only drink at work. He wouldn't drink at any other time. Howard told him he has a deal if that's the case.
Later on during the news Robin was talking about some dopey kid who caused some commotion at a Yankee game this week. That led to Artie talking about how he ran out on the basketball court at a Knicks game and tried to take a shot after a friend dared him to. He said he was about 17 at the time and they were warming up before the game so he ran out, grabbed a ball and took a shot from the top of the key. He said about 8 guys came rushing in and escorted him out of the arena. He was standing outside and some guy came out and gave him his front row ticket so he went right back in. His buddies saw him sitting down on the front row so he was waving to them.
Howard had Robin finish up her news and then ended the show. Artie got in a plug for a DVD signing he's doing at the Coconuts in Union, New Jersey, this Saturday, August 13th at Noon. Howard closed the show with Staind performing ''The Beetlejuice Song'' at around 10:35am.
In the clip Howard was talking about Dee Snider's new band Widowmaker and how great he thinks they are. Howard said he met his guitar player, Al Patrelli, and Al told him a story about Jackie. They hired Jackie to open for their band years ago and it was when Jackie was kind of shady. Howard said Al said they hired him for $100 to open for them. He showed up that day and said he could get another gig that night for $200. Howard said Jackie says this is not a true story so he had Al on the phone to tell his side.
Howard got Al on and said he's a good looking guy. He told Robin that she'd be into him. Howard said he's predicting big things for their new band. Jackie asked if they need an opening act. Al said they can't afford him.
Al said this story he told was from about 10 years ago. He was in a band called Magic and they played at My Father's Place. He said they figured Jackie would be a great opener for them. He said one of their guys talked to Jackie's people. Jackie said the only people are him and his wife. Al said he didn't talk to anyone, it was someone in the band that called.
Jackie said he doesn't think that anyone ever paid a comedian to open at My Father's Place. Howard said this was the band hiring him though.
Al said he remembers getting the call the afternoon of the show and they said Jackie got another gig for another $100. They were kind of stuck so they paid him and he came down and did the gig. Jackie didn't remember it. Jackie said he can remember doing gigs at My Father's Place but not the band he's taking about.
Howard said maybe they need to talk to Nancy about it. Jackie said that he never made a call like that. He said he wouldn't hold another gig and make them pay more. Jackie said he would never do anything like that. Gary came in and said that Nancy wasn't there when he called. Al insisted that it did happen.
Jackie said he opened for a few bands at that club but he didn't remember this one. Jackie said $100 in 1982 would have been good money for him. Al said 200 was even better. Jackie didn't sound too happy about this guy's stories. He said he has a sterling reputation and this isn't something he would do.
Howard told Al he really needs to produce the guy who spoke to Jackie. Al didn't think he could do that 10 years later.
Al and Jackie went back and forth arguing. Jackie said he's sure it's true. He was being sarcastic. He said maybe it was when he had his habit and he needed that money. Jackie said maybe he had a hot date that night and needed the money.
Howard let Al go and said he really doesn't know what Jackie is doing out there. He said it doesn't seem like something he'd do though. Jackie said that's just not something he'd do. Robin told him to just not do it again. Jackie said he knows it's Dee's band but now he doesn't want them to do well. Howard said that was like People's Court and maybe they should do it there in the studio. Jackie said the statute of limitations is up on this case.
Howard said he wants to get 5 listeners in there and have them be the jury. Jackie said if he did the gig and they gave him the money then there's nothing in dispute. Howard said he didn't do anything illegal. He said it's just unscrupulous. Howard said they want to figure out if he did it or not. Howard said they'll figure out a day and have 5 people down there to judge.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if he was picking jurors today. The guy was a cop so he was up for it. He said he was going to say Jackie was guilty already though. Howard asked Jackie if he wanted him as a juror. Jackie was fine with it. The caller said he'd have to be a John Doe on the show. He can't give out his real name. Howard said he'd take him.
Howard took another call and that guy wanted to be on the jury too. The caller said he's a telephone man and he's honest. Howard asked the guys to pick up the cop. Gary said Dominic wants to be Jackie's lawyer. He said he has a character witness too. He said that Eppie is on the line and he books people for the club they were talking about. Howard said they're not doing the trial now. Gary said he didn't hear that. He said he was trying to answer the phones.
Howard told Gary to pay attention to the show. Gary said he can't listen and take the calls. Howard said he has to figure this all out. He said they need to pick up the cop on the line and book him for the show. Howard said he'd have this place running smooth if he were Gary.
Gary came back in and said that Howard thinks he can do everything but he doesn't know what's going on back there. He said Howard isn't an organizational guy. Howard said he is too. Howard said this is what he's got for a producer. He goofed on him for a minute and talked about how Gary claims to know what's going on but he doesn't know what's going on.
Howard and Gary went back and forth arguing. Fred played Gary's theme music in the background and Howard pulled the mic away from him. Howard said Gary is trying to filibuster him and he's not going to let him do that.
Howard said that they have a computer there and Gary hasn't learned to use it yet. Howard said if he really wanted to learn he'd come in on the weekends. Gary said he works hard enough as it is. He said he's not sitting there doing nothing. Howard told him to say what he does. Gary rattled off some of the stuff he does and said that it's stuff that needs to be done. Howard told him to repeat after him and say that he's not organized. Gary said he wasn't going to do that.
Howard pointed out that Gary has 3 people helping him in the office. He said Gary has to be the one who runs the office. He said he has to go out there and stare at the carts that are unorganized. Gary said he's not going to move Fred's stuff. Howard said they need to organize those carts. He told Gary the discussion was over.
Howard said Gary is lucky he was able to organize that sentence. Howard said he's always getting himself into trouble. Howard said he has Gange back there on the computer and all he has to do is tell John to pick up the phone and take the guy's name. Howard said no one wants to hear his ideas and systems. Gary came back in and said that is the current system. He asked what he's supposed to do now. Howard said maybe Gange shouldn't be logging the show. Maybe Grillo should. Gary said ''Yeah, right.'' Grillo can't spell.
Howard had Grillo come in and spell some words for him. He was able to spell a couple but he admitted he couldn't spell veteran. Grillo said he wouldn't even attempt it. He said he looks words up when he can't spell them. Howard made him try. He spelled it ''vetrine.'' Grillo said he knew he couldn't spell it. Howard said it's actually ''vedrene'' just the way it sounds.
Howard told Gary he could never get another job. He said he's stuck there forever. Gary said that really hurts. He said it will stick with him forever. Howard had him repeat after him and told him that he is to do whatever Howard wants. Howard tried to kick him out after that. Gary said he once took a punch for Howard. Howard said that's why he keeps him around. It's not fair to keep bringing it up.
In the clip we heard Howard playing some of Ponce De LaPhone's classic calls. Howard played one where Ponce called Kathleen Sullivan and asked her to shake her derriere for Howard Stern.
Gary told Howard he had another one where Ponce calls a guy with a cable show. In that one a guy is talking about the call Howard played with Kathleen Sullivan and how it was the lowest point in broadcast history. They got Ponce on the phone to apologize for that call. They got him on Ponce said he thinks that Howard is sending out secret messages when he talks about this. Ponce said what he did was not right. Then the host talks to Ponce about what he did and how Kathleen wouldn't have put the call on the air if she knew where it was coming from. Ponce said what he's going to do is offer his services to them to help screen their calls from Howard Stern callers. He said he wants to stop doing this. Ponce said he's going to get some help and seek counseling. Then Ponce asked if he believes him. The host said he does. Ponce said he deserves the tongue lashing he's giving him. Ponce said the last thing he wanted to say was ''Can you shake your derriere for Howard Stern?'' The host then says that you just witnessed a prank phone call by a listener of Howard Stern. The host said that they invite participation from their audience and they have no concern for what they put on.
Howard replayed the Kathleen Sullivan call and talked more about the nutty host who was going off on Ponce. Howard said that heads must have rolled over there when they let that Ponce call through.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.