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Howard started the show asking if anyone was in the mood for some gay porn. He said he has some Santa gay porn clips to play. Robin said no. Howard played it anyway. Howard played a clip where Santa was talking to a ''bad boy'' and eventually starts spanking him. He says he doesn't like boys with bad mouths. Then he spanks some more the guy asks him for even more. Howard asked if Robin was getting turned on. She said she doesn't think that's Santa. Howard said he wished he could see the video. It sounded compelling to him. Howard said that's not a little boy in that video. He said he's at least 16. Howard said he hasn't seen it but he's pretty sure the guy gets an erection while getting spanked.
Howard said they have the women from The Talk coming in today. He said he's looking forward to seeing what's going on there. Howard said he has to ask Sara Gilbert about her personal life since she doesn't talk about it on TV. Robin said she used to until she broke up. Robin said she would chime in with child care and what her partner did. Robin said now that it's over that doesn't happen. Howard said he'd like to know if Sharon Osbourne or Julie Chen has more money. He said Les Moonves makes a lot of money and Julie has been working for a lot of years. Howard said he wonders if they feel bad about doing a show that's basically The View but with a different name. He said he guesses not.
Howard asked Benjy why he's wearing a wig. Benjy said he knows it's shocking to him but... Howard cut him off. Howard said he didn't want to know.
Howard said Benjy looks so weird with the beard and the hair he has. He asked to see what's going on there. Benjy said it looks like hair. Fred said it looks like he has cancer. Benjy said this woman offered to give him the hair and it's just a test. He said it's sewn into his real hair. He thinks it looks great.
Gary asked Benjy to talk on the mic so they can hear him. Benjy apologized. Benjy asked if Howard thinks he looks great. Howard said he looked fine the other way. He said he has this weird look on his face too.
Howard asked Benjy if he can wash his hair with that thing on. Benjy said yeah and then no when he asked if he got to the scalp. Benjy said he just put it on yesterday so he hasn't tried yet.
Howard asked Benjy if he's going to show up to the Christmas party like that. Benjy said he's going to try it out for a day. This wig he has on is someone else's that he's just trying out. He said it's $1,100 so he's not sure he's going to do it. Howard said he looks like a fucking retard and looks stupid. He said he's orange with the spray tan and he has this weird beard that he dyed.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks is going on. Fred said he thinks he has too much spare time. He said if he really cared he wouldn't let it look like a costume. Fred said he looks like an upscale homeless person.
Howard asked why he has eye make up on. He said he must be doing it to get attention on the air. Howard said he can't not address it when he's so weird looking. Howard said he can't avoid it and he's not sure what to do about it. He said he's almost at a point where he might kick him out of the studio and put him in another room. He said there's no reason to have him in there. He said he has other guys writing for the show and they just send messages over the computer. Howard said this is so annoying he's going to have to kick him out of there. He said he feels manipulated by him.
Benjy said he swears he's not doing this for attention. He said that he thinks it looks good. Howard said it doesn't look good at all. Howard said he's like Blobby Osbourne or Blotchy Osbourne. Howard said Sharon might think that's who he is today.
Howard said Benjy is a fucking weirdo. He said he's so odd. Howard said now he's caught up in it. He told Benjy that they're working and he can't keep that heavy, hot wig on. He said his head is going to break out and he has to get over it. Howard told him to do this over vacation. He said he won't do it off the air. Benjy asked if it looks good if he didn't know who he was. Howard said he can't do that. He knows him. Benjy asked if he still thinks he'd look weird if he didn't know him. Howard said yes.
Gary said he thinks that if he saw him and didn't know him then he'd say he's a guy wearing fake hair with mascara on. Howard said he's still pudgy and he looks weird. Benjy said he has to lose another 30 pounds. Robin laughed when he stood up. Howard told him to stand out where they can see him. Fred said he was sweaty and the dyed beard made the sweat beads show up more.
Howard said Benjy is trying to keep his face straight too. Benjy laughed and said he thinks he looks good. Howard said it looks ridiculous. Robin said the color under his eyes looks weird. Howard said he doesn't look like a rock star. He looks like a Hinkley type. Howard said he looks odd. Robin said he has sparkles on his face too. Fred thought it was sweat but it was sparkles.
Howard and Robin said he's like Zoolander. Benjy asked if he was supposed to be good looking in that movie. Howard told him to stop it.
Howard said this girl can't be attracted to him like this. Benjy said she is though. Howard told him to stop it. He said he looks fucking stupid and ridiculous. Howard said it doesn't look like real hair. Benjy said they're looking into stem cell stuff too. Howard said he has to stay out of his eye line. He said he's going to have to kick him out of the studio. Howard just said ''Wow'' a couple of times. He said he hopes this is just a goof and not real.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she hasn't laughed so hard as she did when she saw Benjy's beard. Howard said he was on his way out of there on Thursday and he saw Benjy walking in front of him and he had weird blotches of black in that beard. He said it was so peculiar that he wondered what he was doing. The caller said she thinks it's shtick because he can't think it looks that good. Howard said he's not sure who has time for all of this. Robin said she's treating Benjy like a doll.
Howard asked Benjy what he was talking about with the stem cell thing. Benjy said Elisa has some friends who are working on some kind of cure for baldness or something. Howard said they must be keeping it to themselves and not marketing a cure for baldness. Howard said they'd be billionaires in a minute. Benjy said it's not ready.
Benjy said if this woman saw what he looks like in a picture she'd see. The caller said she saw him on Howard TV. Howard said he has to end this. He said he's spent 20 minutes on it already.
Robin said she was laughing just thinking about Benjy's beard in the car last week. Robin said they should put a picture up on the web site. Howard said Jason did. He asked if he posted it yet. Jason had it posted on their Twitter account @SternShow. Howard told the caller to check it out. She got on her computer and brought it up. She burst out laughing when she saw it. She said this can't be Benjy doing this. Howard said he can't not be distracted by that in the studio. He said he looks like Prince.
Howard asked Jason why the picture was blurry. Jason said it's not blurry on his computer. He said it must be the resolution they use on Twitter.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he hopes he can come to the conclusion that Benjy does everything for attention. He said he's not sure what he writes that's funny. Howard said Benjy is a funny writer but he doesn't need to be in the room with them. The caller said he'd vote for him to keep him out of there too.
Howard said he's not doing his best radio right now and he's not sure what to do about it. He said he's very distracted by it. Another caller said he looks like a Bootleg Dave Grohl. He said he looks like he's dressed up like him for Halloween.
Howard took some more calls and one woman said that she doesn't think this girl cares about him if she's doing this kind of thing to him. She was laughing as she told Howard what she thinks. She said she feels bad for them having to stare at him like that. Howard said Howard TV can kill his light so they don't have to see him over there. Howard told the guys to cut his lights off.
Howard said he thinks that this is a new personality for Benjy. Robin said it's the same personality. She said he has to change it. Howard took a call from a guy who said Benjy has really become an asshole since he started dating this girl. Howard said she can't be into him if she's doing this to him.
Benjy asked Howard if he would consider a wig if he was going bald. Howard said he might but this wig he's wearing is outrageous.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Benjy if this girl would change anything for him if he asked her to. Benjy said she would. He said she's trying to become a vegetarian. Howard said King isn't talking about that. Benjy said she's said she would wear anything for him. Howard said they might have to dress her up.
Howard said Benjy looks like he ate Jared Leto. Fred laughed. Robin said he looks like Jared Leto when he played Mark David Chapman. Howard seemed to agree.
Howard said Benjy has Brooke Shields hair. He's like Rapunzel or Rabenjy. Howard said it's like if Twilight had fat vampires. King told Benjy that she's eventually going to hate him for letting him let her do that to him. Robin said she was repulsed by Benjy and now she's trying to kiss him by changing his look. Benjy said that she initiates it more than he does. Howard and King said they don't believe that.
Howard said it's amazing what guys will do. Howard said Benjy is an embarrassment and he's messing the show up with all of these outfits. Howard said he'd be just as distracted if he came in there dressed like Chewbacca. Howard said he can't do the show with a circus clown in the room. He said it would be almost impossible. Howard said he's doing everything he can do draw attention to himself and it's hurting the show. Howard said he got into radio to sit in a room by himself. He said now he's with Fred, Robin and Benjy. Howard said the other two add to the show and Benjy takes the energy out of him. He said he doesn't think Benjy gets that this isn't an Elliot Spitzer press conference.
Howard said as long as he's on the staff he's going to talk about getting a card from Thomas Christy. He said that it was Richard and his wife on the card but the return address said Thomas Christy. Richard said he's sorry for the confusion but his name is Thomas Richard Christy. Howard said he should just have a sticker that says Richard. Richard said they got those stickers from a company that sent them out for free. Howard thanked him and kicked him out of the studio. He said he's so annoyed with everyone. Howard said he thought it was some kind of joke. He said the Christmas card was Richard and his wife and fish thanking them for the holiday. Howard said it's all very odd.
Howard said Jeff does the shows for them and he wanted to thank him for that. He said that he asked them a few questions and Jeff freaked out. Robin said Howard is the guy who either doesn't talk at all of he gets into it really deep. Howard said he didn't know it was going to be a controversial discussion. He said he saw him with a beautiful woman and asked how they met. He said Jeff told him to take it easy. Howard said it was like he asked her to ride the Sybian. Howard said he was just trying to show some interest in some other people.
Robin said that maybe he should have said hello first. Howard said he did that too. Howard said he just wanted to wish him luck with the marriage. Howard said he thinks that he dated one of the women from Survivor but he'd advise him against that. Howard said anyone who goes on that show has a screw loose. He said that they should go out and develop a job or something.
Robin said that one of the contestants, Ethan Zohn, was Kelly Ripa's co-host last week. She said that they never seem to go away. Howard said he must have done something wrong in his career. Howard said Elisabeth Hasselback got her job after being on Survivor. Howard said he doesn't remember much about her on the show. Robin said she remembers her because of the scars she had on her legs from the bug bites. Howard said he remembers her now. He said she is a beautiful girl.
Howard played a bit Sal and Richard created called ''A Midget Werewolf in Albuquerque.'' In the bit Sal is playing Eric and he hears a monster asking if it's Kelly Clarkson. Then he gets attacked by the werewolf and turns into one when he sees a full moon. Howard said he'd watch that movie. Robin said she'd love that movie. Robin said if he actually got bitten then he'd get strong and it would help.
Howard said the trick is to get bitten and live through the biting. Howard said a lot of people were inspired by the story. He played a song parody that someone sent in to the tune of ''Werewolves of London.'' Howard said he thinks that was Sal singing that one.
Howard said the producer of the show wanted to put him in the loop with that whole negotiation. He asked to be left out. Howard read some email from some fans who were laughing at the whole werewolf thing and the negotiation.
Howard also read some email about Sal playing Words with Friends and how he played like a little kid. Howard said that someone said they don't like Ralph on GEEKTIME anymore. Howard said that was a long one and didn't read the whole thing. He read about Herman Kane being on the show last week. Howard said that someone thought it was really him until they heard the news report saying it wasn't really him.
Howard read some email about Chuck Zito and also some about Benjy and his girlfriend. Robin said that she doesn't want Howard to play Benjy's song anymore. She said it was stuck in her head last week.
Howard said he hates Baba Booey. He said he annoys the shit out of him. Gary said he hates everyone this morning. Howard said he hates Gary and Will this morning. That led to Fred playing a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the Charlie Brown theme.
Howard said if you want to feel up Jenna Rose then he'll take some calls and have some people down. He said he thought that would be nice for the guys in the audience. Howard said Jenna is fine with it as long as the guys aren't disgusting. Howard said they'll do this on Wednesday morning. Gary said she narrowed it down to six guys. Howard said that's why they can't have people just show up. Gary said that's not what they discussed.
Gary told Howard what he heard him say. Howard said that's not what he said. Will was backing Gary up but Howard said Will should take his tongue out of his ass. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he and Robin will be there through Thursday. He said they don't have to be but they want to be.
Howard said that Julie Chen, Sara Gilbert and Sharon Osbourne teamed up to do a show together and they're there together this morning. Howard said he's known Julie for many years. He said that he's never met Sara Gilbert before. Howard said Sharon looks terrific after losing weight. Robin asked if they're going to be working together. Howard said he has no idea. He said he does love America's Got talent. Howard said he loves any job where you judge people. Robin said he's sat in judgment for many years now. Howard said he's a fan of Piers Morgan. He said it would take a spectacular human being to replace Piers on that show. Howard said Sharon is too nice on the show.
Julie said that's her role on the show though. Howard said Sharon, in real life, is one of the most bold women he knows. Howard said she used to come on the show and rip people a new asshole. He said he's never seen anything like it before in his life. Howard said he knew she'd be great on TV. Howard said she was out of her mind. Julie said she'd only do it to people at the top of their game. She said that the kids on the show need the nurturing that she does now. Howard said there are times when Sharon isn't being honest with people. He said that they don't have talent and Sharon tells them they do.
Howard said the guy who won last season can sing Frank Sinatra but it's not something people are going to go see. Howard said they need a new leader there and they'd be lucky to have him. Julie asked if he would run for office. Howard said he was going to run for governor but he had to back out when the poked into his finances. Howard said he ran for governor for one reason. He said he wanted to get them the death penalty. He said he's against it now but back then he was all for it.
Robin said he wanted the death penalty and wanted to fill the potholes with the dead bodies. Howard also wanted to get rid of the Jones Beach tolls. Howard said he was at 21 percent in the poll. He was winning. Howard said they had to open up his finances and he didn't want people knowing what he was earning. He said he doesn't like people looking into that.
Sharon asked Howard what he's been offered for America's Got Talent. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he isn't going to talk about that. Julie said if he went to the West coast to do it then Robin could do Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that Robin doesn't need to do that. Howard said it's for people who are going down in show business or they're trying to come up. Howard said if you have a career you can't do that show.
Howard said he wants to talk about their show now. He said the first thing they have to talk about is ''The Talk.'' Howard said it's kind of like The View. Sharon said ''How dare you say that!'' Sara said she wanted a network of people to talk to and she wanted to bring it to TV. Howard said he's fascinated by Sara. She went to Yale but studied photography there. Sara said she studied art there. She said that she majored in Photography. Howard asked if she's done anything with that. She said she has done a little bit. She has had some stuff in galleries. Sara said she doesn't have time to do it now.
Howard said that Sara has clammed up on the show. He said that she doesn't talk about her life. Sara said she actually does talk about her life a lot on that show. Howard said that Sara is dating Linda Perry now and she's not talking about that. Howard said he finds her very exciting. Sharon said so does Sara. Howard said that's a power couple. He said she has to be rolling in dough. Howard said she has to have a lot of money after writing hit song after hit song.
Howard asked the women who is doing the best money wise. Howard said Ozzy did very well and so did Les Moonves who Julie is married to. Howard said that Sara now has Linda Perry. Howard asked who the wealthiest person is. The women all said Howard is. Howard said he wants to know what Sharon and Ozzy are worth. No one was talking. Julie said she has no idea what Les is worth. She said that she signed a pre-nup with him. Julie said that Les was great about it too. She said that they told them to make it the bare minimum and he told her to get a lawyer and that lawyer told her that he really loves her based on the pre-nup. He was very generous.
Howard asked Sharon about the ruby broach she was wearing. He said it must be expensive. Sharon said it was a couple hundred thousand. Julie asked if Beth signed a pre-nup. Howard said of course she did. Howard said he didn't have a pre-nup with his first marriage. Howard said he was lucky anyone cared back then.
Howard said that Sara's sister is Melissa Gilbert. He asked if they get along. Sara said they get along great. Howard said that he's sorry to hear that her sister is getting a divorce.
Howard asked Sara who she went to with the show idea. She said she went to her agents and then to some other people. Sara said that it's very lucky that it worked out. She said it's a stroke of luck to get anything to happen like this.
Howard asked Sara how it was going to Yale and working on Roseanne was. Sara said it was good. She said it wasn't so bad doing both at the same time. Howard asked what she did after Roseanne. Sara said she did a pilot for Les that didn't get picked up. Sara said that she did a show in New York and she was on E.R. for a while.
Howard said he thought Sara hated show business for some reason. Howard asked if Roseanne was good to her. Sara said that Roseanne was great. She said she never saw anything weird going on there either. Howard said she must be lying. Sharon said she thinks Roseanne is completely mad but she loves her.
Howard asked Sharon if she likes someone on America's Got Talent just because they're gay. She said she does love gay people. Howard said you can't like someone just because they're gay. He said that they have to have some talent.
Sara said if she was going to cross over she would want to have sex with Howard. Howard asked if she's ever had sex with a man. She said she has. Howard said she must have wanted to vomit. Sara laughed. Howard said all guys are vile. Howard asked if she tried to force herself. He asked if it was horrible. She said it wasn't horrible but she thinks she's done with this subject. Howard asked how many men she tried with. Sara asked how many he's been with. Howard said he hasn't tried it. Howard said he isn't into it. Howard said he has a friend who is a lesbian and she tried to have sex with a friend of his. He said the guy's penis would turn black and blue from trying to get in. He asked if that's what it was like for Sara. Sara asked someone to please help her out of this. She said she doesn't hate men.
Howard asked Sharon if she dries up with Ozzy. Sharon said it's like Niagara falls. Howard asked Sharon if she still has sex with him. Sharon said that they do but they have to make time to do it. Sharon said she has to go home to Ozzy and take time off for that. Sharon said she had to have her titties done. She had her implants taken out. Howard asked if they look like deflated balloons. Julie said they all looked and touched and they looked fine. Howard asked how they inflate them. Sharon said they do a lift. She said they're perfect. She said she's done with the breasts but she's going to have her chin done. Howard told her to stop already. Howard said she looks terrific but she has to stop already.
Robin said she's glad that they can live out in L.A. and not get their lips blown up. Sharon said they don't need duck lips because they all have them ''down there.''
Howard asked Julie about dumping Holly Robinson Peet from the show. Howard said they've been tight lipped about that. Howard said that Holly says she doesn't know what she did wrong. Howard said he thinks that she just wasn't good. He said the same thing about Leah Remini. Howard said that Julie is being painted as the witch in this. Sara said she'll answer this one. She said that Julie isn't the bad guy. Sara said the show is run by the network and that's where the creative decisions are coming from. She said these things happen all the time and that's the creative force behind it. She said they're looking for a scapegoat and Julie is the one.
Howard said they brought in some new women and he heard that they're not too happy with them. Howard said this is what he's talking about with Sharon. He said it's okay to say they don't have talent. Howard asked why they blacked out what Sharon said on the show the other day. Sara said it was too dirty to put on the air. Sharon said she was taking about vaginas. Sara said it became about the back door. Sara said that she said ''fanny'' and they didn't know she was talking about her vagina. Julie said Sheryl had made a joke about back door sex so that's what got bleeped. Sara said she got bleeped too.
Howard asked Julie if Les wants her back door too. Julie told Howard to behave. Howard said Sharon has admitted to it on the show before. Howard asked if she orgasms from that. Sharon said she does love it. Howard said Sharon isn't playing at all with that answer. Sharon said she has a big asshole so it's no problem for her.
Howard asked Julie if she's ever experimented with that. Julie said that Les has never asked. Howard said he never does that with Beth either. He said that he attempted a little something but it didn't go down. He said he's really not that adventurous. Howard said the vagina is so great he doesn't need an asshole.
Howard asked about Holly and Lea being kicked off the show. Howard said that they say Julie is the real backbone of the show. Howard said she doesn't like discussing certain things on the show like Casey Anthony. Julie said that you can't always say in the meeting what you talk about in the meeting before the show. She said that her whole life was spent going to journalism and learning what the line is. She said you have to say ''allegedly'' or ''in my opinion'' or you can get sued. She said that she's going to be the punching bag because of who she's married to. She explained why she had to be there for certain subjects on the show.
Howard asked why they haven't called Holly or Lea to talk about why they're off the show. Sara said she actually did. She didn't give a lot of details about that. Sharon said that you can't be all things to everyone. Howard asked if she ever voiced to Julie and Sara that they weren't doing well on the show. Sharon said of course she did. She said that it is what it is. She said it's not science. Sharon said they haven't hurt anyone. She said the show either works or it doesn't. If it doesn't then you just move on.
Howard asked Sharon if it became a clique. Julie said that the studio watches the show every day. Howard said that must be Les. Julie said he doesn't see it every day. Howard figured he would watch it since it's his wife's show.
Howard said that he once wore a T-shirt that said ''I Hate Les Moonves.'' Howard said that he left the company and Les got upset. He said that this guy Joel Hollander convinced him to sue him and he asked Les how he could do that to him. He said he had tears in his eyes when he talked to Les. Howard said he left the company and he talked about Sirius before leaving so they sued him.
Julie said they buried the hatchet. She said that she and Beth were out shopping and both Howard and Les talked awhile they were at the store. Howard said Julie looked great that day. He said he was mesmerized by her that day.
Howard asked Sara if she's into Julie. Sara said she's a very beautiful woman. Howard said she seems to be into very feminine women. Howard said that Sara must be the aggressor in that relationship. Sara told Howard how she met Linda Perry at a party. She said she thought she was pretty great. Howard asked how long she waited to make love. Howard said it must have been 5 minutes. Sharon said that Sara tells her that she's always at it. Robin asked who asked who out. Sara said she doesn't really remember. She did say that she's in love though.
Howard asked Julie how long she waited to make love to Les. Julie said she's not going to talk about that and he knows. Howard and Julie talked about the lawsuit. Howard said he went on TV and humiliated Les as much as he could. He said he wore Les down. Howard said he had to fight because he was up against a corporation. Howard asked if Les was miserable during that time. Julie said that Les doesn't like having people take shots at him but he's used to handling it. She said that they're all friends now so that's what matters. Howard said he has no animosity toward him. Julie said that Les loves Howard and he makes him laugh. She said that he can be very forgiving if you can make him laugh.
Howard asked Julie how long she waited to make love to Les. Julie told him again that she's not going to talk about that.
Howard got back to their show and asked Julie about starting out with the other women. Robin asked if she was comfortable with it. Julie said it took some getting used to. She said that she wasn't used to being judged and giving her opinion. Howard said that she must have been upset that they said she got to where she did because of her husband. Julie said she got over that but it took a few years. Julie said that she can't control what people say or believe. Julie said she would probably judge herself the same way if she was on the outside.
Howard asked Julie about her very strict father and if she thought that he would be upset with her doing what she wanted to do for a living. Julie said he was very old school and very strict. She said it's all about respect and she has to speak Mandarin to him whenever she speaks to him. Howard said he must have wanted her to marry a Chinese dude and stay at home. Julie said he wanted them to be what they wanted to be. She said that one of her sisters is a lawyer and the other is working on Wall Street. She said that he would use a ruler to smack them on the hand. She said that was something that was acceptable for that generation. Howard asked Julie if she would ever do that to her kids. Julie said she would never do that. Howard asked Julie about stealing her sister's car. Julie said she was 16 and she stole the car to spy on a friend's boyfriend. She said she totaled the car on the way home. Howard said that's bad. Julie said she was grounded for a year.
Howard asked Julie about when she lost her virginity. She said she was in college. Howard asked if she's not attracted to Asian men. Julie said she wouldn't say that but she has never had an Asian boyfriend. Howard asked if she had to fight growing up in New York. She said there were kids who would call her ''Chink'' and things like that. She said it hurt. Julie said she was in the fourth grade and it was tough to hear that.
Howard asked Sharon if she's surprised that the other two women are so tight lipped about their sex loves. Sharon said that they're ''ladies'' so that's why they don't talk about that stuff. Howard said Sharon banged Jay Leno. Sharon said she did not. She said that he was very nice to her when she moved to L.A. but she didn't have a date with him. Howard asked if she's attracted to Jay. Sara asked if he doesn't like Jay. Howard said he's a scum bag. Sharon said that Jay doesn't even look you in the eye when he's interviewing you.
Gary came in and told Howard that the women had to leave. They had to go to the Early Show to appear on there. Howard asked why they can't get ratings over there. Sharon said they need to put them on the show. Robin said it would be a total black out if they did that.
Howard said he enjoyed this interview. He gave them a plug for their show ''The Talk'' which is on in the afternoon on CBS. Howard said that his wife loves the show. He said he thinks that they may have made the right decision about the other two women. Howard asked Julie if she had anything else to say about that. Julie said that she thinks that she said enough about that.
Howard asked how the ratings are on the show. Julie said they had their highest ratings ever just recently. She said she thinks that the new team is working out very well.
Gary said that they really have to go and they also wanted to promote that they are doing their show from New York this week. Howard kept them in there and didn't let them leave. Howard told Julie she should go tighter and shorter with her dress. Howard asked if she gives him oral sex. Julie asked Gary to help her get out of there. Gary asked if she does give him oral.
Howard said he enjoyed having the three of them there. Howard said he hopes they keep up their ratings and keep doing more outrageous things. He said he has run out of time so he has to let them go. Howard said maybe he'll see Sharon in the future. Julie wondered if he had anything to report. Howard said he really has nothing to report there. Howard said those were all just rumors. Gary said they really have to go. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he thinks he can name that song in one note. He asked what song that was after guessing wrong. Fred told him what it was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought Sara Gilbert was hot on Roseanne. He said that started a pattern of him falling in love with girls who only loved girls though. He said he worked in a coffee shop and asked a cute girl out and it turns out she was with her girlfriend there. He said it was very uncomfortable.
Howard said he doesn't like interviewing 3 people at the same time. He said he had a lot of questions for all of the women. He said that maybe he'll get a shot at Sara another time. He said that he had fun with them though. Howard gave them another plug for their show that's on at 2pm on CBS.
Howard said that they're out doing the promotional thing. He said he appreciates anyone who gets up so early to do his show. He said it's getting to be a chore for him to get up that early so he appreciates it when someone else does.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wants to feel up the Penthouse Pet. Howard said she's going to let six guys feel her up. He said that her name is Jenna Rose and she's the Pet of the Year. Howard said that this guy, Steve, is the first one to get on the list.
Howard asked Steve what he does for a living. Steve said he's not doing anything right now. He has M.S. and he doesn't work right now. Steve said that Howard keeps him going. He said that he thinks Benjy should get kicked out of the studio though. Howard asked when he's been able to feel up a woman. Steve said he's never had a Penthouse Pet. He said he was dating someone recently but that fell apart. He said he got to third base with her. Howard said he got to put a finger in her. Robin said that it can be an unpleasant thing to get fingered. Howard said he always thought they liked that. Then someone told him she didn't like it.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do down there with his hand. Robin said keeping the hands outside is good. She said that your nails have to be taken care of. She said you can slice her up if they're not.
Howard said that he thought you were supposed to touch lightly but then sometimes they tell you to rub hard. Robin said it depends on the woman.
Howard said he couldn't want to get a finger in a vagina when he was a kid. He said that it was much different back then. He said there was a lot of hair. Now the women shave a lot of that hair away. Howard said his finger is actually longer than his penis so it's very confusing to women.
Steve asked if he could motorboat the Penthouse Pet. Howard said it's just feeling her up. Steve said that he'll take what he can get. He said this is like a dream come true for him. Howard said maybe he will be able to finger her. He said that she is a porn star too.
Robin said she was watching a documentary about Playboy and Hugh Hefner. Howard said he's really not that interested in Hefner. Robin said it turns out that he's a hero and he was always against segregation and he ended up buying back a franchise after they refused to let black people in.
Howard said on Friday someone sent him an email to see Lindsay Lohan's Playboy spread. Howard said they illegally put it on the internet apparently. He said that someone leaked it and now they're out there. Howard said that they allegedly paid Lindsay a million dollars for those pictures. Howard said he saw the pictures and the photographer is good but the pictures weren't very flattering. Robin said it looked like a girl you can see on the street.
Howard said Lindsay's eyes were kind of dead in the pictures and it's enough of the Marilyn Monroe nonsense. He said that she isn't that hot if you look at her now. Howard said they're kind of dated and women had bellies back then.
Howard said he wants to see Lindsay Lohan as Lindsay Lohan, not as Marilyn Monroe. Howard said he thinks that Hef is hung up on that. He said he doesn't care about Marilyn Monroe. Howard said that Lindsay had to do it to revive her career and no one's career is revived by Playboy. Howard said she had a career and ruined it.
Howard said Rosie O'Donnell sent him a note saying she lost 16 pounds and only had 60 to go. He said he found that funny. Howard said he saw that Letterman took a shot at Rosie in his monologue. Howard said that Dave took a shot at her and Rosie doesn't go on his show because he takes those shots. Howard said that she's getting married and Dave took that chance to make jokes about it. Howard played some of the audio of Dave joking about her looking like a tow truck driver.
Howard said Rosie has said she won't go on the show because he doesn't seem to have a heart anymore. He said that he'd be insulted by that too if Letterman started making jokes about him. Howard said Rosie doesn't even know why he's doing it.
Robin said that Alec Baldwin was on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Howard said he's brilliant. He said he has anger issues but the guy is good on that show. Howard said at some point he has to get a hold of that anger.
Howard said there's this woman who he saw on Saturday Night Live who was dancing and jumping around while she sang. He said he liked her act.
Howard said Alec Baldwin is a genius. He said he was dressed up like the pilot that kicked him off the American Airlines flight. Howard said Alec made the apology to himself as the pilot. Howard said it was a brilliant public relations move. Robin said he wiggles out of these things with his adorability. Howard said that Alec was funny and he sounded just like a pilot. He said it was funny and a highlight of the show.
Howard played some audio of that appearance and said this is how he gets out of these things. Howard said that he's afraid Alec is going to do something really stupid one day and he won't be able to get out of it.
Howard played more of the clip and said that it was very well written and well conceived. Howard said that he really does need help though. Robin said he was belligerent when he was on his way out of the airport that day. Howard said it's funny how he goes from being so angry to poking fun at himself. He said this is what saves him. Howard said he could have dealt with that whole situation that day on the plane. He said he has no mechanism to calm down though.
Howard said they found out that this Penthouse Pet of the Year wanted to come on and they asked if she would let the fans feel her up. She was fine with that so they have six slots to fill. He said they have four left.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he got over his first break up. Howard said he must be well adjusted in that area. He said that he thought about how nice it would be if someone really thought he was a great guy. He's really not though. Howard said he must be boring to women. He said he's glad he met Beth. He said he's the first guy who doesn't drag her out until 3 or 4 in the morning. He said she hated that. Howard said she loves her life with him being in bed by 8.
Howard said that some women are disappointed in guys if they don't take them places. Howard said Beth did her traveling when she was in her 20s. Howard said she got all of that out of the way. Robin said that Beth told her that she would love to show him all of these places. Howard said she doesn't even mean it. He said she's just making conversation.
Howard asked the caller how old he was. He's 25. Howard said that he must be too old to have his first break up. The guy said he was with her for 3 years. Howard said his girlfriend would date him for like 3 days and break up. Howard said the girl in Princeton was someone he only saw on occasion. The guy asked if he had a reason. Howard said it was because he was disgusting. Howard said he wasn't hot, he was terrible in bed and they had every right to break up with him.
Howard said that he dug anyone who dug him. He said that he had friends who dated the same girl throughout high school but he never had that. Howard said he did all of the breaking up as he got older. He said as he became more desirable he did the breaking up.
The caller said he thought the relationship was perfect. He said that he didn't expect the break up. Howard said he should react like his dad and just blow it off and move on. Robin said that when guys find out the women weren't into it then they're unprepared for the relationship. Robin said she's gone now so it must have been bad. The caller said that this was a progressive relationship and it took a few weeks to happen. He said she was hot too. Howard said he'll find someone else. He said a year form now he'll forget all about this.
Howard asked what he does for a living. He said he works in research. Howard said he was reading in Page Six that Tyra Banks and her boyfriend broke up. Howard said he's been telling Robin that she should be going out with him. Howard said he has to hook her up. He said he did read that he was hanging out with some other chick already though. Howard said they may have to act on this today. He said they have to get her on a date with him today. Robin said there is no rush. Howard said he thinks now is the time to act.
Howard said he wants to tell this caller, Josh, that he should just get over it and move on. Robins said he needs to find another woman to get over it. Howard asked what's so great about this woman. He said she's intelligent, she's got a great personality and a lot of things like that. He said that she never came right out and told him that she didn't like him. He said that's part of the problem.
Howard said he never gets attached and that's his problem. He said he's not sure what to tell the guy. Robin asked how long it's been. Josh said it's only been about two weeks. Howard told him not to be so down.
Howard asked Josh if he wanted to win some money. Josh was up for it. Howard said he didn't have money but he did have an iPad 2. Josh said that would be good for the masturbation. Howard said he would let him feel up the Penthouse Pet if he lived closer.
Howard said the iPad 2 is courtesy of Citrix. Howard said they had this girl on the show named Baylee who played ''Dumb As a Box OF Rocks'' and they asked her some questions like ''What is President Obama's first name?'' Howard said he bets she doesn't know. Howard played her answer and she said ''Obama Senior.''
Howard said he'll give Josh 5 tries to win this iPad 2. Howard played the first real question which was ''What foreign country borders Texas?'' Josh thought it was ''New Mexico.'' Howard said it's a foreign country. Josh corrected himself and said it was Mexico. Josh thinks that she won't know the answer. She did know it though.
The second question was ''How many dimes make a dollar?'' Howard said a lot of girls in the sex business know money. Josh said that she may not know change though. Howard said that he can't imagine that anyone wouldn't know that answer. Robin and Howard said they think she'll know it. Josh went with them. Baylee said ''Uh... a hundred.''
Howard said that they have to get her back on the show. He said she's a gem. Howard said Josh has to get the next 3 right. He played the next question which was ''Who is on the $100 bill?'' Howard said Josh sounds depressed and he has to stop that. Howard said it's no wonder this girl broke up with him. Howard asked Josh if he thinks she'll know. Josh said no. He said there's no way she knows. Baylee's answer was ''Franklin.''
Howard said Josh got all three wrong. He said he lost. Josh said he's lost and he doesn't know what to do. Howard said he should give him a bonus question. He said he can't do more than one bonus. He played the next question which was ''Who was the first man to land on the moon?'' Robin said no way she'll know that. Josh said there's no way she'll know. Baylee's answer was ''Uh... the moon man?'' Josh won the iPad 2. Howard told him to hold the line but said it in that depressed voice of his. Howard said that she's probably got a boyfriend already. Josh said that she's hanging out with his best friend actually.
Howard said Josh has a horrible sound to his being. Josh said it's early in the morning. Howard said he couldn't go out with him if he was a girl. Robin said he was kind of a downer.
Howard said that was torture talking to him. He said that even for the game he wondered why he was playing with him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to feel up the Penthouse Pet. She said she's not a lesbian. She said that she just wants to do it. Howard asked if she's a good looking girl. She said she is and she thinks her husband would like that too. Howard said he likes that idea. She said that she's never felt up a woman before so it should be nice. Howard said this is happening on Wednesday morning. He said he has 3 more slots for people to come in. Howard asked who she looks like. She said she's got nice eyes and a great ass. Howard found out she's a little overweight though so Fred played cow mooing sound as Howard put her on hold.
Howard said Ron Paul has solid positions and no one takes him seriously. Howard said Michelle Bachman comes off okay with some stuff. He said that other guy, Rick Santorum can't get anything going either. Howard said that they have a few more weeks ahead of them and Newt could have something go wrong. Howard said that Newt was saying nothing but he's figured out how to say that his past is his past and you deal with it or you don't.
Howard said most of the people come off okay in the debate. He said that Rick Santorum sounds like a high school kid when he talks. He and Robin went over some of the other guys and the stuff that's going on with them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his parents are putting down their dog and he'd like to get an autographed calendar. Howard reluctantly said he would do it but he's a sucker.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he could feel up the Penthouse Pet. He was willing to drive up from Baltimore to do it. Howard asked if he's sure he can do it. The guy said that he can let him know tomorrow if he can't. Howard said they only have six openings and he can't risk it. Howard said it's better that he not risk his marriage for this. Howard said it's better to fill it up with people who can do it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he has erectile dysfunction and he'd like to see if he can get it going with the feeling up. He said he's been married for four years and sometimes he can't get it up. He said he's wondering if this can cure him. He said he's going to be 42 years old and he's a little over weight. Howard said he bets that he has someone else who could get him up. They played ''Herman Kane's ''Ophelia'' clip.
Another caller said he thinks that Sara Gilbert should be in there alone sometime. Howard said that he'd have any of the three come in there alone.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that King of All Blacks should be banned after he got pissed at Mutt and stormed off the air on Superfan Roundtable. Howard said he didn't hear it this week. He said he usually hears it. The caller said King had a bit of a bitch fit and disrespected the channel. Howard said he'll examine what happened there.
Howard said he sees that Bobo is on the phone but he doesn't have time. He said he left some weird voice mails. Howard took the call and Bobo asked if Beth came home and said she wanted to do a one time fling with another woman, would Howard be able to do it. Howard said if she was really into it then he can't say no. Howard said he'd have to do it if she was really into it. Robin said she doesn't believe that for a second.
Howard said he and Beth used to go to the strip club together and he'd get turned on when women would go to her. Howard said that he'd get kind of jealous and feel left out though. He said he was like the odd man out.
Robin said that it would be like saying that she's not happy with their sex life either. Bobo said it would spice things up though. Robin said it would tell Howard that something was wrong with the relationship.
Howard said he thinks that he'd bang Beth if she was with Gwyneth Paltrow. Howard said he'd probably finish in a second though. He said that he'd have to ask them not to watch him because he's gross. He said he thinks that he could watch the two of them going at it though. He said it's best it doesn't happen. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how hot Nicole Scherzinger is on X-Factor. Howard said that they have to keep her on that show no matter what. He said there is nothing about her that isn't hot. He said even her back is hot. Howard said that she's a disaster as a judge but she's so hot. Howard said they had a 13 year old singer on the show who got voted off and Nicole wasn't able to make a decision. Howard said they say she cried for a half hour after the show was over and the audience was booing her. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said that 13 year old is such a stage kid. He said they showed what a pain in the ass she is when she lost. Howard said she had a breakdown and she was yelling and screaming to her mother. He said it was great reality TV. Robin said she collapsed from the camera line. Howard said he loves that stuff.
Howard took a call from another woman who wanted to feel up the Penthouse Pet. This woman said she's bi-sexual. She said she can enjoy both men and women. Howard said that's great. He said he never thought there was such a thing but now he tends to believe it. The caller said she dates a lot of guys but she could take either one for life. Howard said he's looking forward to that. He didn't know women were going to call in for this. He said he should have made it all women. He asked Gary how many slots he had. Gary said he has filled 5 so far. Robin said if they get one more woman then it'll be 3 and 3.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They talked about the women from The Talk and some of the stuff they went over today. Howard said he has never slept with an Asian woman. Robin said she wasn't aware of that. Howard said Julie is very sexy. He said that he saw her come out of the dressing room that day and he saw how hot she is. He said that he can't be mad at Les when he sees that. Jon also brought up Benjy's new wig and a few other things that they'll be talking about today on Wrap Up before Howard moved on to Robin's news.
Howard said Scott has no hair on his head but hair all over his arms. Scott said it's all over his ears and nose but not on his head. Howard asked if he's going to go bowling. Scott said it'll just be a quiet dinner so he can go to bed early. Howard said that was a shock that he had nothing exciting going on in his life.
Howard let Scott go after that and had Robin start her news. Robin started off with the Lindsay Lohan Playboy pictures. Robin said FOX News got a hold of the guy who hacked into Playboy and got her pictures. Robin said Playboy is going to release the magazine early because of that.
Howard said he looked at Scott the Engineer's horoscope today and it says that his personal magnetism is strong. Howard laughed about that. Howard asked if he has any magnetism at all. Howard said that's no horoscope, that's a horror-scope. Howard asked Fred if Scott has any magnetism at all. Fred said it's zero point zero.
Robin said she read that Hulk Hogan is suing his ex-wife. Howard said that divorce seemed kind of lopsided to him. Robin said that she seemed to get everything. Howard said Hulk did all of the wrestling and she got all of his stuff. Robin said that Hulk is upset about what his ex-wife wrote about him in her book. He's suing her over that.
Robin said that James Cameron is being sued by some guy who claims the idea for Avatar was stolen from him. Robin read some details about that guy and had some details about the script that he had back in 1997.
Howard read about some other celebrities who share Scott's birthday. Bob Barker and Kathy Rigby were a couple. Howard said that maybe they sucked the magnetism from Scott. Howard did his impression of Scott while he was talking about that.
Robin read a story about a poll that was done about the hottest women ever. Jennifer Aniston came in number one on the list. Howard said ''Oh come on...'' Robin said they say she's funny and sexy. Howard said the guys who came up with that list must be gay. Howard said that the girl who plays Dexter's sister is sexy. He said so is the woman who played Dexter's crazy girlfriend in season two. Robin said she just saw her in some other movie so she's still around. Robin read about some other hot women like Raquel Welch, Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, Madonna, Betty Page, Angelina Jolie and others were in the top 10. Howard said that Jamie Lee Curtis was hot in her prime. He said she should be above Jennifer Aniston.
Robin said that Paris Jackson has scored her first acting role. Howard said they're all over the place now that Michael is gone. Howard said that the two boys look a little strange. Robin said this part is as London O'Malley in a movie based on a book. Robin said the cast includes Larry King, his wife, Joey Fattone and Ted Lange. Howard said the kids have to be better off with Michael gone. Howard said he had them in masks all the time. He said it was crazy.
Robin read about a guy who sent a text of a naked teen to about 30 people on her contact list. Robin said that the police arrested him for what he did.
Robin read about Justin Bieber and some other people doing a Christmas concert. Robin had some details about that and said that Conan O'Brien was the host. Robin said the show is going to air on Friday night. Howard said that's some show. He said they've managed to make a show where he has no interest in anyone. They went to break after that.
After the break Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin said that Lindsay Lohan was out at a party when her purse was stolen. Robin said that she had $10,000 in her purse. They say that someone found her purse but it was missing the 10 grand.
Robin said President Obama was on 60 Minutes last night talking about running for a second term. Robin said that he has said he wants to get the economy on a better footing. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read about the republican debate that Howard was watching while cutting his pubes. Robin had some audio clips to play too. Robin had some audio of Michelle Bachman and a couple of others that she had Howard play. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Robin read about what Ron Paul was talking about at this debate. That got Howard talking about how he agreed with a lot of what Ron Paul was saying. Howard and Robin went over some of that stuff for a few minutes. Howard did another live commercial a short time later.
Robin read about Rick Perry and what he was saying during the debate. Robin read some details about what went on with him and how he was heckled at an appearance he made at a coffee shop.
Robin read about how Iran is saying that they're going to keep the U.S. drone that went down in their country. Robin said that the U.S. has not confirmed that it was our drone that they captured.
Robin read about the Jerry Sandusky case and had the latest news about what's going on with that.
Robin read about how there's a big disconnect between blacks and whites about race relations. Robin said they did a study that found that white Americans believe that whites and blacks are making the same amount of money. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about Joe Paterno fracturing his pelvis. Howard said they did say that things were going to fall apart after he retired. Robin said that he was admitted to the hospital over the weekend in stable condition.
Robin read about Jude Law being back in the sequel to the Sherlock Holmes movie he did with Robert Downey Jr. Howard said he liked the first one. He played some audio of Jude Law talking about this new one.
Robin read about ''New Years Eve'' being number one at the box office this weekend. She had some audio of one of the kids from the movie talking about never seeing the ball drop in Times Square. Howard said that he never has either. He said if he had his whole family would know he was a loser. Howard said they're a bunch of maniacs who go there to see the ball drop. Howard said there are too many people on the planet.
Robin said on December 23 the movie ''The Adventures of Tintin'' comes out. Howard asked what that is. Robin didn't know. She said that it has been released overseas and it's already made over $233 million worldwide. Robin had some audio of a guy from the movie talking about what it was like. Howard said the name ''Tintin'' annoys him and he doesn't have any desire to see it. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later, right around 10:10am.
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Jon said that he thinks that everyone is just tired of the whole thing. Gary said he wasn't buying it at all. He said that he knew it was too much when he was trying to talk to Howard and Howard got distracted by him for 30 seconds of the 2 minutes he had with Howard. He said that he reacted to it and Howard asked what it was. Gary said that if it was subtle he wouldn't have said anything. He said it would have been impossible not to address.
Jon said they'll talk about the women from The View, Howard's holiday card from ''Thomas Christy'' and other things. Gary said he knew it was Richard because he gets those cards every year. Jon ran down a few more things they'd cover and mentioned the Penthouse Pet feel up thing.
Jon mentioned Scott's birthday and how they found out about that. Gary said he doesn't know when anyone's birthday really is. He said he knows Jon's but not exact dates for most of the guys there.
Gary said that Shuli went around asking questions and when he asked Sal what December 12th meant to him Sal said it was one month from Howard's birthday.
Benjy came in so Jon asked if he got an intervention. Benjy said that Howard told him he doesn't think it looks good and he feels genuine about that. Benjy said he thinks it was just startling to them. Gary asked if he has a hickey on his neck. Benjy said he gets them really easy. Gary said it's enormous.
Benjy said he thinks he looks good with the wig. He said he still has to lose weight. Gary said there is something about the look that doesn't look real. Benjy said he thinks that's because he's seen him before. Gary asked what kind of look he's going for. Jon said it's a grungy sort of look. Gary said when you see a movie when they take people and dress them in outfits that don't look real, that's what he looks like. Benjy said he thinks that's because he knows what he looks like. Benjy said that the woman who gave him the hair said this isn't the final fit. Gary said that the day he'd try that look is when they're on vacation. Benjy said he knew it would be startling. He said he was going to send Howard a note but he didn't think he'd handle that very well.
Gary said he shaved his moustache off in 1990 or so and that really annoyed Howard. He said Howard hates change. Jon said that with Benjy it's been building up and building up though.
Jon said that he knows Benjy is doing this for his girlfriend. He said when he lost the weight he thought he was looking his best in a long time. Now it just seems that he's trying way too hard. He said he's good looking at the core and he doesn't need to do all of this. He said he sees someone trying to change him and morph him into something. Benjy said he's having fun doing it.
Gary said that this gang of people is the worst room to try it out on. He said back in the 80s Alex Van Halen slicked his hair back and he tried doing that himself and it turned out to be an hour of getting goofed on.
Benjy said that most people's looks are made up to begin with. Gary said that Benjy lost the weight and he had the Darrell Hammond look with the black shirt and Yankee cap. He said that look worked for him. Benjy said he may go back to that look.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this is a dig at Howard. He said that Howard has become a pussy whipped fag on the show and he thinks that Benjy is doing this to piss Howard off. He said there's a rumor that Howard wears a wig and this is the way to get to Howard. Jon asked if that's true. Benjy said he doesn't think Howard wears a wig. He said Howard has great hair. He said he knew Howard might get mad at it but he also thinks it looks good.
Gary asked how he couldn't know it would be a big topic of discussion. Benjy said he did but he didn't know it was going to go that far.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard dresses like a retarded fag and looks retarded. He said he has no room to judge anyone. Gary said that's his opinion but this thing with Benjy feels like it's not genuine. Benjy said that's genuine to him. He said he thinks he looks good.
Benjy said he thought he looked good in that picture Jason put up on Twitter. Gary said he's looking at him now and the eye make up doesn't work. He said maybe if he was in a band it would be okay. Benjy said it's a fun thing. He said that Gary has a goatee and that's a fun thing. Gary said he's not going for fun.
Jon said that Benjy seems to be doing it for attention. Benjy said he does like attention but not negative attention.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think this is a cry for attention. He said he seems to be doing it for his girlfriend. He said it started with the baseball cap. Benjy said he wore that for years. The caller said that he's doing this and everyone starts drawing attention to his beard and hair and then her name comes up. He said it's kind of getting her free publicity. Benjy said it is. Gary said that they didn't mention her name at all today. Jon brought it up a few seconds later. They had to go to break a short time later.
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Jon said that Lisa G was there and he wanted to ask her about his look. Lisa said he looks like a homeless person. She said that she's starting to feel like she doesn't want to go to the holiday party with his shtick. She said that's what he did last year. Benjy said he's sorry if the fear of him is going to ruin the party but she should stay home if that's the way she feels.
Jon asked Lisa if it's really going to ruin the party. Lisa said that he does things with people that's disturbing. She didn't see what he did last year but it still ruined it for her. Benjy asked Gary if he really saw anything. Gary said it entertained him, it didn't ruin it for him. Lisa said that she's afraid that it's going to ruin the party for her. She said that he became the focus of the party. Lisa said that's all anyone talked about.
Benjy and Lisa went back and forth on that for a short time. Gary said when Benjy brought that girl Sarah to the party it was like they had unleashed the Tasmanian devil there. Lisa said maybe she should just go and try to ignore it all. Gary said he's able to do that. Benjy asked if he's the obnoxious guy at the party. Lisa said she thinks that she's just going to hang out with Brian Phelan at the party. She said that what Benjy did at the party was disgusting. Benjy asked Lisa what he did. Lisa said that he was fondling her under the table. That's what people told her what he was doing.
Benjy asked if people told her about that at the party. Lisa found out after the party. Benjy asked her what he did that ruined the party. It was ruined after the party. Lisa said she doesn't like that he commandeers the party for himself.
Jon asked Benjy how he reacts to Lisa saying that he may ruin the party this year. Benjy said that he likes Lisa and hopes she has a good time but this is ridiculous.
Jon said that some people think that Lisa is jealous and she thinks that she could have done this makeover on her own. Gary said she was fond of Benjy and they think that she could have tried to change him herself. Lisa said that she didn't want to do that. She said she had no plans to do that. Gary asked if she ever wanted to do that for him. Lisa said no. Jon asked why she's so upset about it. Lisa said that there are other girls who are friendly with him who feel the same way.
Shuli said that Lisa is in love with Benjy and he thinks that she wants him to grab her like a bowling ball. Lisa said that's just not true.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about that. Gary said he thinks there are going to be a lot of people competing for attention at the party. He said Sal, Ronnie and even Brian Phelan will be competing for attention. Jon said he thinks that he hit the top 3 there. Jon asked JD if he can think of anyone else. JD said he thinks that's it.
Benjy said that he was at some other parties and he wasn't doing anything crazy at those. Jon asked if Sal has anything planned. Gary said thinks that Sal will wait until the party starts and see how he can get the party started. He said he thinks that he'll try to get JD into it because he's so low key and doesn't want to be there. Gary said Sal has said it on many occasions that he felt that it was his responsibility to get the party started.
Jason said he likes to go to a party and walk around. He said there are people like Lisa and JD who sit during the whole party. Jon said he'll make the rounds and then sit down and eat and sit there. Jason said it's kind of a cool move because he's got people coming up to him.
Jason said that he thinks Lisa is trying to say she just wants to go to the party and not worry about it being ''Benjy Watch.'' He said he kind of understands that. Gary said he lays in the back and he doesn't have to be up front where Benjy might be doing his thing. Lisa said this is helping her. She said she's going to go.
Gary said he remembers going one year and hearing Ronnie yelling on the mic and he didn't have to see that so he hung in the back and just stayed away from it. Jason said Gary likes staying in the back because that's where the shrimp and stuff is. Gary said it's also the quiet part of the place because he doesn't like really loud music.
Jason said that he remembers seeing Fred at the party that Benjy had Sarah at. He said that Fred was saying he couldn't take it anymore. He saw that Benjy had Sarah up against the wall making out with her and that's what Fred couldn't take. Gary said he saw Benjy at a bachelor party getting a hand job once and he thinks he saw him cumming at the table. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jason said that when Holly and Lea were let go they never said anything. He said it's like they're covering it up and that's what makes it very interesting. Gary said he's surprise that Lea hasn't been out there saying something.
Jon asked about Vinnie Favale showing up this morning. Gary said he showed up with Julie because he knows Les and Les wanted him to be there. Gary said they have two green rooms there and they were going to have the women in one and Vinnie in another. He said Vinnie sat down like he was going to be in there with the talent. Gary said he's not sure if Les knows that he can buy a 10 percent stake in Vinnie's play ''Hereafter.''
Jon asked JD if he's going to go on the fat guy show tonight. JD said he will do it but he didn't want to. Gary asked why he didn't say he didn't want to do it. JD said he did. He said that Jason asked him to do it so he's going to do it.
Jason said he's not going to bring him on and just tell him he's fat. He wants him to acknowledge he's fat and he's going to have tips on how to handle it. Jason said that they're doing this show for the fat people out there who are under represented. Jason said he has to give JD some tips for how to dress like a fat guy. Jason said he's probably going to be a fat guy for a long time and he's just trying to give some tips to other fat guys.
Gary said there are some fat guys there who tuck in their shirts and the shirts are too small already. Jason said a fat guy should never tuck in their shirt. Gary asked if JD should continue wearing t-shirts or not. Jason said he'll have those tips on his Fat Guy show tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard started the show talking about this one big company he works for... or is it two? Howard said it all depends on who you ask for. They morph into two companies when it's convenient. Howard said it's like a magic trick. Howard said secretly they hear it might be three. He said not really but why not? Howard said it became two when he asked for his bonus. Howard said they say it's two when that comes around but on the stock market it's one company. He said it's a bunch of horse shit. He said that's his problem and not yours so let him worry about it.
Howard said he went out for a run yesterday but he finds it hard to run in the cold weather. Howard asked Robin if she's running. Robin said she's going to start again soon. She said she's picked the right time. She actually likes running in the cold. She said she can warm up running so it's good. Robin said she's grossed out when she sees people running with frozen snot on their face though.
Howard said his parents are thin and all they do is control what they eat. He said his dad eats whatever he wants but he only eats 3 meals a day and that's it. He even has dessert if it's put in front of him. He said he's not gluttonous. Howard said he doesn't have to try everything. He's not hung up on it. He said he will just enjoy whatever it is and he's done.
Howard said he puts on his weight at night. He said he eats dinner around 4 or 5 and from 6-8:30 he eats cashews and nuts. He said it's too much of that stuff though. Howard said it's nervous eating because he's not really hungry. He said he only gets it when he watched TV. He was thinking of eating potatoes instead of that other stuff.
Robin said she saw that some people want to go after the networks for making commercials so loud on TV. Howard said he hates the music being loud on DVDs. He said he's not sure why they do that. Howard said the music becomes irritating. He said he has to ride the volume button constantly.
Howard asked Benjy about his wig. Benjy said it's under his hat today. Howard said he went out on the street and asked some people what they thought of his hair. Howard said he showed it to Beth and she wondered what was up with it. She thought that he didn't look good with the hair. She thought he was good looking before it. Howard said whatever he's going for seems to be backfiring with everyone but his girlfriend.
Howard had Johnny and Eric on the phone. Howard said he's kind of angry with Johnny for falling asleep on the phone last week. Johnny said he twisted his ankle trying to show his kid how to jump his bike. Johnny told Howard that it's not worth having kids at his age. He said he hurt his ankle doing that. Howard said Johnny hates being a dad. Johnny said it's impossible. He said he just gives the kid money now. He said he's given in and he just wants to be left alone.
Howard said Johnny got married and had two more kids and how he has a 9 year old and a 3 year old. Johnny said his daughter wants him to spend time with the grand kids too. He said it's really tough at his age. Howard said he's 57 just like he is. Johnny said he was doing okay last year but now he could get a show in Vegas just diving for things. He said that he has to catch the kid before he hits the ground or hits the stairs. Robin said he should get a job. Johnny said he really should.
Howard said he's that way with his parents. He said he's worried about them falling all the time. Howard said that his friend Pat has a kid now and he was talking about the panic you get into when they start running. He said they can run into the street or something like that. Howard said that it's constant worrying. Johnny said he lives in a penthouse where he overlooks a park. He said he can see the kids in the stairway over there and he watches the nannies with the kids over there and they will talk while the kids wander over to the stairs and he has to yell at them to keep an eye on the kids.
Howard said he's seen that too. Howard said he sees nannies watching the kids but they're talking to each other instead of watching the kids. Howard said the kids will run around doing weird shit while the nannies are just talking. Johnny said he has to do the same thing and tell them to watch the fucking kid.
Robin said on top of that Eric will call yelling at him to get to work. Johnny said that Eric got mad at him for falling asleep but he had just played basketball for 9 hours. Howard said his dad never had time for him. He said that he didn't want to be that kind of father. He said he wanted to be involved with his kids.
Johnny said he's still never changed a diaper. Howard said he did that. He said that it wasn't a big deal. It was his kid. Robin said his dad probably didn't change a diaper. Howard said his dad's attitude was that his mom could have as many kids as she wanted as long as she raised them. Howard said he and his mom were up to shenanigans and his dad didn't even know about it.
Johnny said his wife told him that the kids would hold things against him but he said all you do is buy them a car at 16 and they get over it. Johnny said that he's almost got it down to a science with the kid. He said his wife is there too and the kid will run over her. He said the wife has no control over the kids. He said they have zero respect for her.
Howard asked Eric if he sees what Johnny is up to and why he's a burden to him. Johnny said he's spending too much time with his kids according to Eric. Eric said he doesn't recall saying that. Johnny said that Eric is still a gangster. He said that's something his dad would say... ''I don't recall.'' Howard said that's what you say in court. Howard asked Johnny how many people his father killed. Johnny said that his dad claimed he didn't kill any but according to the papers it was about 9. Johnny said his dad was like one of those guys in Boardwalk Empire who you'd have to talk to just to get up the stairs. He said his dad was a brilliant genius. Howard said they make Capone seem like an idiot on Boardwalk Empire. Johnny said that a lot of people have done that with people like his dad. He said that they used to make more money in a day than anyone else ever did in history. Howard asked if he loves Boardwalk Empire. Johnny said he does.
Howard asked Johnny how old he was when he realized what his dad did for a living. Johnny said he knew pretty early on. He said when he saw it going on it had that kind of Goodfellas feel to it. Johnny said the money always came to their house.
Johnny told Howard about what his dad was doing and how he had to pay off the big boss. Johnny said that this guy was the boss of all bosses. His name was Tony Accardo. Howard said he's not familiar with that name. Johnny said he was working for Al Capone and he was a shooter in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. He said that he never went to jail either. He said the guys you know about are the guys who were unsuccessful. The guys who you didn't hear about are the successful ones. Johnny said that he was the boss of all bosses in the mid-west. He said the New York guys would listen to him too though. Johnny said he never went to jail either. Johnny said his dad went to a conference but he wouldn't go himself. Johnny said he just stayed out of everybody's way. Howard wondered what he was worth when he died. Johnny said he was worth a lot. He told Howard about a book where they talk about that stuff.
Howard asked if Johnny's dad was hard on him. Johnny said he really wasn't. He said he's raising his kids based on the way his dad raised him. Johnny said his dad had all kinds of great gifts for the kids. He said they had the Globetrotters there for their birthdays and the guys from Bonanza showed up too. He said they were in town and his dad grew up with one of the guys from the show.
Howard asked if the cast of Bonanza came to their house. Johnny said they did. He said that Michael Landon didn't want to be in the parade but his dad took care of that and made sure he did. Howard asked how long they stayed at the house. Johnny said they were all there and they were all dressed in their outfits from the show. Howard asked if they were there for 2 minutes. Johnny said they were there all day long. He said that kind of thing wasn't unusual for them. He said they had Dean Martin and Jimmy Durante and people like that in the house. Johnny said that his dad wasn't like a Sinatra fanatic. He said his dad didn't like him as a person that much. Dean Martin wasn't trying to be like a gangster like Sinatra was. He said the guy he loved was Jackie Gleason. He said that Gleason might have been one of them. He said he got treated like the mob guys treated each other.
Howard said he's picturing the cast of Bonanza showing up at the house. Howard said that sounds like some crazy stuff. Johnny said his dad didn't fuck around. He said his dad was so charming and he was more of a make everybody happy kind of guy. Howard said he must have been freaked out by his morality though. Johnny said it was described to him as war. He said that he might have to go to war and that's how it was rationalized. He said it was rational to him then and now.
Johnny said he never wanted to get into that though because he didn't want to go to jail. He did end up in jail on a drug charge though. He was sentenced to 5 years. He said they couldn't get the charge to stick but they changed it and he still got 5 years. Then a few days later he changed his mind. He said his dad was gone by then but the judge ended up retiring and moved to Florida a few days later. He said that he's not sure who took care of that. He said it must have been divine intervention.
Howard asked Johnny where they're at with Eric now. Eric said that he's going to be on ''In Plain Sight'' and he will be flying out there. Howard asked if he notified the airlines about his oxygen tank. Eric said he did. He said he'll be setting that up this morning. Johnny said there is no 30 day thing so he'll be fine with that.
Howard asked Johnny if he had to get on the phone with the producer at all. Johnny said they just emailed back and forth. Howard asked Eric if he's still afraid of werewolves. Eric said he never said he was. Howard said he did say he wasn't sure if there were werewolves. Johnny said that it might have been the Wikipedia page he sent to him that had him believing that.
Howard asked Eric if he heard the bit Sal and Richard did where he goes to New Mexico and becomes a werewolf. Eric said he heard it. He didn't sound happy about that. Howard played the bit anyway. In the bit Sal plays Eric who goes out for a stroll and comes across some werewolves that bite him and turn him into a werewolf.
Howard asked Eric about when he'll be shooting. Johnny said they won't know until after Christmas. Eric said it's not completely decided yet. Howard asked if he's gotten his sides yet. Eric said he has not. Howard said this should be exciting and the fans will want to watch him on the show.
Eric said he wanted to check with Mr. Strauss about being clean shaved or full beard or what. Howard asked if he can grow a beard. Eric said he can. Howard said he thought he had a problem with facial hair. Eric said it grows. Howard said he understands he'll play a landlord of some kind and he figured a landlord would have facial hair. Johnny agreed. Howard said he'd like to see Eric with a beard for this role. Howard said maybe he should grow the beard now and if he gets on set and they don't want it, he can shave it. Eric said he'll take his shaver with him. Howard said every landlord he dealt with had a beard.
Howard said Eric might not want to bother Strauss with the beard thing. Howard said Eric is thinking about his character already though and he likes to see that. Howard said he likes to see that he's getting into it. He said after all that hassle he does like that he's thinking about that kind of thing. He said he's serious about that too.
Eric said the other thing is that he has to travel and he won't have his power chair. He said he wondered if they were going to get him another one to use on set. Johnny said that Eric said the only one who can push him is Jon, his roommate. Howard said maybe they can lock him down and keep him stationary like they did on Fringe. Eric said they could do that too. Howard said he's like a Teensy De Niro. He said he's pretty good. Eric said that he could sit at a desk or something. Howard said he could do that. He said maybe they can position him like they did on Fringe. He said he doesn't need to be wheeled around. He said he's like to see him sitting on a shelf or riding around on a German Sheppard like it's a horse. He said he'd be like a Pee Wee Pacino.
Howard said maybe Eric could play a tyrant who comes in strapped to a German Sheppard and he's angry. He said that's a show. Howard said he wishes he could write these shows. Howard said they wont let him.
Johnny asked Howard if he got the instructions he sent to Will and Gary about how to take care of Eric. He said it's only four things.
Howard asked Eric if he would ever ride a dog. Eric said no. Howard said it would be so great if his character played an eccentric like that. Howard said he's never seen anything like that. He said then Eric wouldn't need a wheelchair. Robin said that's the kind of role that he could get that would be a recurring role. Howard said he could build a whole show around that. He said he'd write it if Eric would agree to it. He said he'd have fighting werewolves and the dog's name would be Kelly Clarkson.
Howard asked Eric if he would ride a Shetland pony to get around. Eric said he's not sure if that would work. Johnny said they could super glue him to the horse. Howard said they have to think about the wheelchair but if they had a pony like that then he could get around without the chair. Johnny said he likes it.
Howard said that the pony could kick the door down when you don't pay the rent. Howard did his impression of Eric and had him yelling at a tenant telling them to pay the rent or he'll knock down the door.
Johnny told Howard that Eric does a mid-west accent. He told Eric to do it. Eric did an accent but it wasn't mid-west. It was kind of a southern accent. Howard said he should do that when he's playing this character. Johnny asked Eric to do another accent so Eric did that a little bit. Howard said he's like Wild Bill Midget. Howard said Eric is pretty good. Howard said he thinks the horse riding thing is great for the show. He said he should talk to the producer about the power chair but he thinks the pony would be great.
Robin said if he has to be wheeled around he should be in a shopping cart. Howard said maybe he could be in a baby carriage. Howard said he loves ''In Plain Sight'' but they need more eccentric characters on the show. He said it would be very edgy if they did that. Howard said maybe he could ride a pig. Eric said he wouldn't do that.
Johnny said that there was an issue that came up. There was a discrepancy about Jon getting $60 as a stipend and Eric got $75. He said that Jon didn't know about that and he may not have shared it right with Jon. Howard asked if Jon is going to get paid for going out there. Johnny said that he's getting some money to go out there too. He said they're very generous with the money and they're giving Eric more than $3,000. Howard said that's impressive. Howard asked what he finally ended up getting. Eric said he's afraid to say it because of the fans. He said he'll end up getting a letter from SSI for not reporting it. He said he will report this but he didn't want to say what it was. Johnny said it's good money and it went up pretty drastic.
Howard said some of his fans are absolutely horrible. Howard said the guy is just making a few extra bucks. Eric said he thinks Howard should get rid of SFN (SternFanNetwork.com) and Superfan Roundtable. He said that shit is not needed for him and his career. Howard said he's right. He said he doesn't go on SFN because he hates it. Howard said he does like Superfan Roundtable though. He said SFN isn't helping his career. Howard said he won't go on that site. They're terrible to his wife and terrible to his parents and everything. Howard said it's awful. Howard said if Mutt has any love for him he'd shut that fucking thing down. He said Eric is right. Howard said for once Eric is right. Howard said Johnny would take care of that site if he could. Howard said he knows what to do.
Johnny told Howard to check out the email he sent about taking care of Eric while he's out in Albuquerque. Eric said it's just a bunch of crap Johnny came up with while he was on Ambien. Johnny said he had the letter there so he'll read it. Johnny said that they got everything straight with John Strauss. Howard said he'll get the letter and go over it. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing Eric on ''In Plain Sight'' next year. He said this is a crucial role for him. He said that Mr. Strauss says this is a pivotal role according to Strauss.
Johnny read the letter that he had about taking care of Eric. Johnny had some tips on how to take care of Eric out there. He said they should place him out of direct sunlight and free of drafts. He said that he should be on a bed of pine bedding. He said that he should also make sure it doesn't get wet. He said that he should also be sure not to get Eric wet and never ever feed him after midnight. Johnny laughed after reading that. Howard said he's some agent. Eric said not one bit of that is needed. Howard said he had to go after that. He was about to let Eric go but Eric wanted to wish them happy holidays. Johnny said he hates when he's all sweet like that. Eric asked if he had any extra holiday money. Howard said he's getting a big check from In Plain Sight. Robin said that's coming next year though. Gary told Howard they don't have any money.
Howard said he doesn't even have an iPad 2. Howard said he would have had one yesterday. Howard said in the future maybe. He said he had to go. He said he was sorry he didn't have anything for Eric. Howard told Johnny to send him a few bucks. Howard told him to do even more for Eric.
Howard said ''Wow... That's awesome.'' He played a song parody about the Werewolves in New Mexico to the tune of ''Werewolves of London.'' They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he can't figure out what's going on with the Mets. He said they were just given a loan. Howard read some of an article he had about that. Howard said they say it's a bridge loan for the team. Howard said this isn't the first time they've gotten a loan. Howard said they haven't been able to pay back their first loan yet. Howard said the guy who was good on the team, Jose Reyes, just left and he didn't even get an offer from them. Robin said it seems like the season is over already for them.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. Howard asked if he was coloring his hair. Jon asked what he was talking about. He said he absolutely is not coloring it. He said he has grey hair in there. Jon said that it must have come from Ronnie. Howard said no one said anything to him. He said Ronnie was spreading it around that he was dying his hair.
Jon said they have breaking news about Debbie the Pet Lady who has been banned from her church for assault. She may be facing criminal charges too. Jon said she came across a homeless woman she had a problem with and she ended up pushing her to the ground. Then she called the police on herself and she turned herself in saying that the other woman deserved it. She said she has pictures of this woman going to the bathroom on church property. Jon said she hasn't been charged with a crime yet but if she keeps calling the police she may be charged. Jon said that Debbie says that she's changed her phone number and released a youtube video about bullying and how she's against it.
Jon said that JD slept there last night and he kept the door cracked and the lights on. Jon said they're wondering if he's afraid of the dark. Howard said he must be. Jon said that he did say that he's uncomfortable with the lights out. JD came in and said he's not afraid of the dark. He said he thinks the light helps him wake up better. Howard said that's not it. He said he has a fear of the dark. JD said he has slept there for years with the lights out. Howard said he's afraid of the dark. JD gave up on the argument. He said he sleeps at home in the dark. Howard said it's good for the ladies not to see him in the light so the dark is his friend.
JD had a hat on so Howard asked why he had that. JD said his hair is a mess. Howard asked why he's worried about his hair. JD showed him what the hair looked like and Howard said it wasn't any worse than the hat.
Jon said they have some sad news. He said that a guy, Jay, who did some voice overs for their tapes team just lost his wife when she had a C-section giving birth to twins. Jon said that the twins are very happy and healthy but his wife passed after giving birth. Jon said that you can go to TheSnyderTwins.com to give some support. Jon said he has family and friends helping him out right now but he's not sure how things are going to go long term. Jon said it's not clear why his wife died but it happened just hours after the C-section. Howard said he can't imagine what the guy is going to do. He said guys can't raise kids on their own. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He said they should give the kids to Robin to raise. Robin said no because then they'd be completely parent less.
Jon said that these deaths are very rare now and it makes it all that much more heartbreaking. Jon said he spoke to Jay and it wasn't easy. He said that he has spent his career talking to people who have had tragedies like this in their lives because he was on America's Most Wanted. He said he had someone else make an introduction to Jay first. He said he wanted to get the word out to the audience because they can help. Howard said you never see anything like that anymore. Jon said it is extremely rare.
Howard had to interrupt Jon to get Debbie the Pet Lady on the phone. Debbie said that Eric was right about the Superfan show and the SFN people. She said they harass people and put information on that site. Howard asked Debbie why she pushed this lady down and why she called the police on her. Debbie said that she had to make sure she didn't press charges on her. Debbie said she could press charges because she put her hands on the woman first. Debbie said she can't get locked up and go to jail. She said she has to be prepared. Howard told her not to call the cops and report herself. Debbie said she had to let them know what she had done so they knew the whole story. Debbie said that she has been under a lot of stress lately. She didn't mean to push her. Debbie said that she just got in a rage and the woman was a drunk. She said she wasn't even able to get up after she pushed her over.
Debbie told Howard that this woman had spit on her and had done some other stuff to her. Debbie said all she did was give her a little tap and she fell over. Howard asked Debbie if she told the cops that she told the woman she was a police officer. Debbie said she did tell them everything. Howard thanked her for explaining all of that and let her go. Robin said she wasn't very clear on that explanation. Howard said he could see Robin zoning over there.
Jon said they have a story about Mutt and King of All Blacks having an issue. He said that Mutt had King on his show on Thursday and King got upset when Mutt cut him off when Eric the Midget called in. Jon said that Mutt was upset with King just wanting to come in to plug his show and not to stay the whole hour. He said they still don't know the future of the Black on Black show. Howard thanked him for the update but Jon wasn't quite done. Jon said he was done now that he told him he was done. Howard said he was going on a little too long so he had to end the segment.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to Debbie the Pet Lady using Vinnie Favale ''I love you Debbie'' audio clips. Debbie was screaming at the clips not knowing what they were.
Howard said he likes that Vinnie was sending love tapes to a woman he never even met. Howard said Vinnie was there yesterday keeping an eye on Julie Chen for Les Moonves. He said Vinnie is the best. Howard said they have to go to break but Beetlejuice will be coming in. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and hummed along to the Bon Jovi song a little bit. Howard said he got a lot of email about Benjy's new look. He said people are saying he looks like Wendy the Retard. Howard said they did a side by side comparison and he can't say they're wrong. He said someone called him ''Wendjy the Retard.''
Howard said the feedback on the street is overwhelmingly negative. Howard asked Benjy if he's going to go back to his old look now. Benjy said he likes having the hair so he may try it out once in a while. Howard said he should make a commitment to one or the other.
Howard said Beetlejuice is coming in today. He said this guy Steve Porter did a mash up video using clips of Beetlejuice and a bunch of other people like Jeff the Drunk and people like that. Howard said he composed music and made this song. Howard said you have to see the video though. He said you can't just listen to the song. Howard said Howard TV is going to put it out there. Doug Goodstein said it should be up tomorrow night. It will be on at the end of the Beetlejuice show.
Howard asked about the 3-D animation that the fan sent to them. Doug said that was Sam Chen and he'll put that in the same episode. Howard said this guy Sam did some kind of animation that he thought was great.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Benjy. Howard read through some of that stuff and the fans were asking him to stop talking to Benjy. He said they're annoyed with Benjy and they don't want him to give him the attention. Howard said he knows he has a huge hickey on his neck and he won't even bring it up.
Howard read a couple more emails and the fans really want him to stop wasting time with Benjy. Howard said one guy liked when they called him Blotchy Osbourne. He said they even got one email in favor of Benjy. Howard said that the guy told them to just ignore the changes he's making. Howard said someone wrote in saying Benjy is better looking now than ever. Howard said that person thought it was great that he was trying something different.
Howard said they got some praise and some negatives about the women from The Talk. He read through some of those and some people thought Julie Chen was good and so was Sara Gilbert. Howard said some people thought that they were horrible on the show and they should have just replayed Eric the Midget's negotiation clip. Howard read more negative emails about them and said they got both negative and positive about them.
Howard said that someone sent a note about Leslie West being named one of the top guitarists of all time. Howard said they also gave his real name which was Leslie Weinstein and they were making sure that everyone knew he was Jewish even though other guitarists have changed their names. Howard said he's not sure why they would do that.
Howard said he got something weird about this woman who is a newscaster. He tried to find her name but he wasn't able to find it. He said that this woman sounded drunk while she was reading her news during a newscast. Howard said it sounded interesting to him. He said her name is Annie Stensrud. Howard said that she claims that she wasn't drunk and she was on medication that affected her. Howard played the clip of her slurring her words as she introduced the weatherman. She read some other stuff where she was slurring words too.
Howard said news is more fun this way. He liked hearing her slurring and not being able to get through the news. Howard said they say that the broadcast ended after about 3 minutes and then they filled the news with weather and sports reports. Howard said the news director says that they have no proof of her being intoxicated.
Howard said Marg Helgenberger is leaving CSI and she was crying about it on Entertainment Tonight. Howard said he doesn't get that because she was the one who decided to leave. Howard played some audio of Marg talking about leaving and breaking down crying. Howard wondered why she would leave the show if she wants to act. She's been on the show for 12 years. Marg broke down crying. Howard said he thinks she's crying because she's an idiot. He said she shouldn't be leaving the show.
Howard said last year at this time they weren't sure if they'd be coming back. Howard said Sal showed up late and didn't know that he had decided to stay. They fooled Sal into thinking he was retiring and Sal broke down crying. Howard asked Gary if they have that audio. Gary said he had it on his page but it's gone now. Howard said maybe the boys took it down. Howard said that they shouldn't have permission to touch anything on his page.
Howard found the clip where Sal was crying and talking about his boys and wondering what he's going to do with his life. Sal said should have saved some money or something. Howard said he broke the news to Sal that he was staying and Sal said he was going to save some money.
Howard said he doesn't think Sal saved any money. Sal came in and Howard asked if he's changed. Sal said he has added 10 percent to his 401K and he's trying to save money now. He said he won't be surprised if Howard leaves in 4 years. Robin asked if they should expect another outburst. Sal said he is trying to save but he's still in the hole. He said he wasn't sure if he was in the red or the black. Howard told him to just say he's in the hole.
Howard played a prank call Richard made to a deli using Sal's crying clip. Gary said that you'd think a stockbroker would know how to save money. Howard said the guy used to get on the phone and tell people about how to invest. Sal had screwed up during the earlier discussion not knowing about if he was in the black or red. Sal said he just made a mistake. Gary asked Sal why he had to leave the stockbroker job. Sal said he retired. Gary asked how he retired. Sal said he's never had a complaint against him at all. Gary said he never said he did. Gary said he left because he wasn't good at it. That's what he was trying to say.
Howard cut them both off and played another prank call the boys made using Sal's crying clip. This one was made to Gary the Retard.
Howard said Gary the Retard was saying that he'd always be there for Sal in the clip. He said that's not really all that comforting.
Howard said he hears things about Sal and he has gone on vacations to California and Italy with the family. Howard said he should be saving that money and sticking it in the bank. He said he should buy some stocks or something. Howard said vacations are important but not that important. Sal said he flew for free because his uncle flies for American. He said that he did take a cruise to Italy. He said that was about 5 grand. Howard said he doesn't need to be in Italy. Sal said he just wanted to live a little.
Gary said it's not just Sal. He said his wife is fighting with him because she wants to take a car in instead of taking the train. Gary said the car is going to be $150 and the train is 30. Sal said the car is $200. He said he is saving money and he's making an effort. Sal said he's working on the road and stuff so he's doing what he can.
Howard said he shouldn't take a cruise. He said this is the problem with people today. Howard said he didn't make any money for years and he just made the best of it. He said he never bought anything and didn't pine away for vacations. He said he never lived above his means. Howard said he never took a car anywhere. He took the train when he was working for NBC. Howard said he wasn't a big shot. Howard said there's nothing wrong with the train. Howard said he wants a private jet but doesn't have one. Robin said Sal should get a couple of people to go in with him on the car. She said he shouldn't spend that money just to get into the city for the party.
Robin said Sal can't drive himself because he has to be able to drink. Howard said he'd have to drink if he was Sal too. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and tried singing along with the song but he wondered how anyone can remember lyrics. He wasn't able to get them right. Howard said that John would be 71 years right now and he would have been divorced for 31 if he had lived. Howard said that he was pretty close to Yoko though. He said he's pretty sure they would have divorced though.
Howard had the guys bring in Beetlejuice. Howard said he heard he has a lot of stories to tell today. Beet came in and Howard said he looks like he's put on some size. Robin said maybe he's lifting weights. Howard asked if that's what he's doing. Beet said he was. Howard asked what Christmas means to him. Beet said ''not much.'' Robin asked if he's ever seen Santa. Beet laughed and said he looks like Santa.
Howard asked Beetlejuice what his favorite Christmas gift ever was. Beet said he goes to the club every day. Howard asked Beet if he was crying. Beet said he just had something in his eyes. Howard said he thought he was crying. Beet said his eyes are messed up so he has drops he puts in.
Howard asked Beetlejuice about going to Canada and being detained up there. Howard said they say that the female agent up there says he called her Baby and Beet responded by saying ''I'm sorry baby.'' Howard asked if he was nervous at all. Beet said he wasn't nervous. He said she asked for it and he called her Baby. He said that he didn't mean it as an insult. He said she took it that way and asked for it.
Robin asked Beet if he was locked up. Beet said ''Who? Me?'' Robin asked what they did with him. Beet said they didn't do anything.
Howard said that they must see that he's ''special'' and they can't lock him up for that. Howard said he really was detained for 2 hours. Beet said they were the ones who were detained. He said that he wasn't detained. Howard said ''I see...''
Howard said Alec Baldwin had a problem on a flight and they wouldn't let him play his game on his iPhone. Howard said he got thrown off the plane for that. Howard asked if Beet has ever been thrown off. Beet said he hasn't. He said he's never missed a flight before.
Howard said they say that Dominic the Midget wants to give him a Christmas present on the air. Beet said he doesn't know nothin' about that. Howard said he'll bring him in soon.
Howard said Beet went to an Insane Clown Posse show. Beet said he and ''Jewlie'' are doing something right now and doing it for Christmas. He said ''Jewlie'' is his best friend. Howard said he must be doing that because he's Jewish. Shuli came in and said that's the name Beet knows him by. Howard asked if someone gave him that name. Shuli said that some guy he roomed with for a couple of years gave him that name. Robin asked Beet if he could say ''Shuli.'' Beet said he could and then said ''Jewlie.''
Shuli told Howard they were on the road one time and Beet disappeared for like 2 hours and he came back with a fish on ice. He said Beet told him later that he had to change his underwear. He asked why and Beet looked at him and said ''I shit myself!'' Howard asked if he wears his underwear so the shit gets caught in it. Beet said sometimes that happens. He said it doesn't really matter. Howard asked if he got the fish to cover the smell of the shit. Beet said that's not what it was for.
Howard asked the guys to bring in Dominic the Midget. Howard asked what he got him. Dominic said he busted Beet's balls about shitting his pants and he wanted to make it up to him. Beetle opened the present and it was adult diapers. Beet threw them at Dominic and told him to get the fuck out and take his shitty diapers with him. Dominic said this way his accidents won't leak on the floor. Howard asked why he would do that to his friend. Dominic said they're necessary. Howard said he thought this guy was going to be nice for once. Beet said he thinks that he's a baby. He said he's a grown man.
Dominic said if you want to find Beet you just have to look for the shit on the floor. Beet told him ''fuck you and go fuck yourself.'' Howard said that Beet was feeling good about himself and then he came in and ruined it. Dominic said he's doing Howard a favor. Howard said Beet has never shit the studio. Dominic said he's never seen the downstairs lobby after they leave. Dominic asked if he could give Beet a hug. Beet took that without a problem.
Howard let Dominic go after that. He said that was a horrible gift but maybe not a horrible idea. Howard got back to Shuli and Beet going to the Insane Clown Posse show. Howard said he heard that Beet got scared of the clown make up.
Shuli said they had to get on a small plane and the lade had to ask what he weighs. Beet told her that he weighs 225 pounds and the woman said ''Okay...'' Shuli said they sat Beet right next to the pilot too. Howard said he heard they sat Beet in the emergency aisle once too. Howard asked Beet if he would have been able to open that hatch if he had to. Beet told her ''Bitch, I ain't opening that and getting sucked out.'' They had to move their seats.
Shuli said they got to the Insane Clown Posse show and Beet got kind of scared of the make up. Beet said that wasn't him. That was the other guy. Shuli said that was the other guy who looked exactly like Beetlejuice.
Beet said that they were there with Iron Sheik and they were waiting outside. He said they were behind a store and the Iron Sheik took a shit behind the store. He said people started laughing at him. Howard asked if he's sure it was the Iron Sheik. Beet said he's sure.
Howard asked Beet if he knows he can get lung cancer and other diseases from smoking cigarettes. Beet said he doesn't do it that much. Howard said he smokes a couple packs a day. Beet said if it was going to kill him he would have been dead a long time ago.
Shuli said that Beet smokes about a pack a day. He said they've gotten charged extra after Beet has smoked in a non-smoking room. Howard figured that he'd smoke like 7 packs a day. Beet said he doesn't smoke that much.
Shuli said Beet always has the heat on in his room and he walks around in his shorts smoking a cigarette. Shuli said once he drank from the cup he had used as an ashtray. Howard said he has to be careful doing that.
Howard said the real Santa Claus was there. Howard asked if he was afraid to meet him. Beet said it was up to Howard. Howard had Santa come in. It was Sal dressed up like Santa. Howard asked Beet what he thought about that. Beet asked if they thought he was dumb. He said that ain't Santa. Santa asked what he wanted. Howard told Beet to ask for whatever he wants. Beet didn't know what to say. Santa told him that he could give him a breath mint. He said he looks like one of his elves after they slide down the chimney.
Santa said that he can sit on his lap if he wants to. Beet said that isn't Santa. Howard asked who it was then. Beet didn't know it was Sal. Howard told Beet to take a shit on his lap. Beetlejuice said he's not that stupid and said he knew it was Sal.
Sal went over to Beet and sang to him. Sal told him he's like an ambassador of comedy. Beetle asked Sal what the fuck he was trying to do to him over there. Sal was doing something but Howard wasn't describing what was going on. Howard said that Santa is a douche. He told him to get out of there.
Howard was laughing and said that Beet is going to be appearing New Years Eve at Vixen's Gentleman's Club in Bunkerville, West Virginia. Howard asked what he'll be doing there. Beet said he'll be drinking beer, liquor and more.
Howard said Beet will also be recording ''Fine Time'' with Rachel Fine today. Howard gave Beet some more plugs. Shuli said he thinks he'll be bringing Beet out to some of the Ronnie's Block Party shows too.
Shuli said that he loved hanging out with Beet. He was the one who would have to stay in the room with him on their Killers of Comedy tour. He said it had it's moments but overall it was fun.
Beetlejuice said that one of his sisters died. Howard said he didn't know that. Will Murray came in and said that this was a sister they didn't meet. The one that was there is still alive. Beet said that they were twin sisters. He said the other one is still alive. Beet said that he's used to going to funerals. He said he doesn't have to say anything at them. He said that his sister was in the coffin and that's it. He said she was kind to him. Howard asked if he believes in the after life. Beet said ''Oh yeah.''
Shuli said Beet got a tattoo of Howard on him once when he disappeared for a couple of hours. Beet said he got that like 2 weeks ago. Shuli said ''...or 3 years ago.'' Shuli said they lost Beet for a while and when they found him he was tattooed.
Howard asked Beet if he believes in ghosts and if his sister would visit. Howard said maybe she's watching him right now. Beet said maybe she is. He said he was close to her growing up. He said he's close to everyone in the family. He said his father died a long time ago. He said his parents were married for like 20 years.
Robin said she's sad to learn he lost his sister. Howard asked if Shuli went. Shuli said it was a family affair. Beet said there were a couple hundred people there. Howard said she must have been very popular.
Howard asked Beet if he would kiss a man to bring his sister back to life. Beet said no. Howard said he's very heterosexual. Beet said he never will kiss a man. Howard asked if he would do it for his mom. Beet said it won't happen. Howard said no one is coming back in his world either. Howard said the sister might come back and kill herself if she found out he kissed a man.
Shuli asked how old the sister was. He said she was the same age as his mom... 44. Shuli told Howard to ask again in 30 seconds. Beet said his mom was 46 a few seconds later. Howard said he hopes the real Santa comes to see him. Howard asked if he believes in Santa. Beet said ''Nah, I don't believe that.''
Howard gave Beet some more plugs and said he found out he actually has 5 sisters and they're all alive. Howard said you can follow Beet on Twitter @BeetlePimp. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he worked at a rock station where the owner got on and said ''Mr. Led Zeppelin.'' He was an older guy who didn't know. He also said ''Mr. Lynyrd Skynyrd.'' Howard sang along to the Zeppelin song for a short time. Howard said he remembers where he was the first time he heard this song. He was at a party in Syossett at Stewie Hellman's house. He said he was blown away by it when he heard it. He said he had to buy the album.
Howard said it was brand new at the time. Howard said that album didn't really break through but the second one did. Howard said that you had to live it because it was like nothing they'd ever heard.
Howard said he was very involved with the music at the party because no one else was involved with him. It wasn't like any girls were making out with him or even talking to him. Howard said they really are good. Robin said they ''were''' good. Howard said they could be good now. He said Robert Plant and Jimmy Page haven't aged well. He said Robert Plant was a good looking guy back in the day but now he's a monster. He said he looks like he crawled out of middle earth.
Howard asked what happened to John Paul Jones. Howard said he was in the band up until the end. Fred said he's not sure why but they took a bad turn. He said he was basically the guy calling the shots on ''In Through the Out Door.'' Howard said he eventually got thrown out of the band. Fred said he really was an integral part of the band.
Howard asked about the song Kashmir and if that was their best. Fred said that's not his favorite. Fred said that Stairway to Heaven is too played out but that's a good one.
Howard asked about this one album they had out and they had this black thing on it. Gary came in and said that it was an Obelisk. Gary said that Jimmy Page wanted to have 666 on the album but they wouldn't let him so he used that instead.
The guys also talked about Howard saying he won't cry on his last day there. The guys all found it hard to believe he won't. Howard said that's just not the way he is. He doesn't believe he'll cry. Jon said that maybe after the show he'll end up reflecting and cry. Howard said he'll go home and forget he even did radio.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard said that they have this contest going on where you can create a song parody using clips from the show. He got in a plug for that and said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard said they also have two slots to fill for the feeling up of Penthouse Pet of the Year, Jenna Rose. He said one of the women dropped out so they have an extra space for someone to come in and feel her up.
Robin got to her news and read a story about Cameron Diaz breaking up with P. Diddy. Howard said he has the feeling she'll never find the love of her life. Howard said that she seems to bounce around from guy to guy and she may never find anyone.
Howard said that SFN is closed down. He said he's not sure if Mutt is serious or not but the site is closed. It says ''I love you Howard Stern. PS Fuck you midget.'' Howard said maybe Mutt was fed up too. Howard said they're not fans over there. Howard said that he'd go on to read fans but they seem to hate him on that site. Howard said they say he sucks and he's burnt out. Howard said he's really not sad that he closed it down. Robin said she never went on it. She said she won't miss it either. Howard said Beth would go on and they were brutal to her over there. Howard said they'd call her ugly and a gold digger and things like that. Howard said she's been with him for 12 years and they still think it's just for money. Howard said they hate everything about the show on that site. Howard said Mutt closed it down and if it's not a joke then bravo.
Robin said that George Takei is calling all Star Wars and Star Trek fans to unite and fight Twilight. Robin said that he's asking everyone to join together to fight those fans. Howard said someone should wake George up and tell him that he doesn't get any money from Star Trek anymore.
Robin said that Charlie Sheen tweeted out his personal phone number accidentally. He was trying to contact Justin Bieber. Howard said it's poetic justice that Ashton Kutcher is doing better on that show than Charlie was doing.
Robin brought up the show X-Factor and Howard talked about what a dummy Nicole Scherzinger is. Howard said that she didn't do her job as a judge and that led to this kid getting voted off the show. Robin said there's a lot of people who are in an uproar over it. Robin said the judges were on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night. She had some audio of them talking about that situation. Howard said that woman is breathtaking even if she didn't do her job. He said she's physically like nothing he's seen before. Howard said there was a rumor that the host of the show was fucking her. Howard said that would be like putting your penis in a Michelangelo painting. Robin said most of his statues were men. Howard said he wouldn't be able to hold out for a second with her. He said his load would be heavy and thick. He said that as breathtakingly beautiful she is, she's just as breathtakingly stupid. He said it hits you in two ways. Howard said he's not sure he could stay with her if she's that stupid. He said he's been with breathtaking women before but he can't last more than two weeks. He said he could probably last 2 weeks with Nicole. Howard said he's been with women who are horrible people. He said they were gorgeous but just horrible human beings. Howard said that he just can't stay with them.
Robin read about this woman who hooked up with Ashton Kutcher. She says that she got fired from her job and she's not friend with her best friend anymore. She had to move out of her apartment and she didn't have work for two months. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from Ralph and he was telling him about the commercial he just did for this pico projector for your iPhone. Ralph said that the thing is awesome. He said he sticks it on a wall and he can watch stuff off his iPhone on his wall. Ralph said he watches that stuff on his ceiling. Howard said he could watch porn on his ceiling.
Ralph said that he has to get on that America's Got Talent because he saw the ventriloquist on the show and he was horrible. They need Howard there to get people like that out of there. Howard said he would take that stuff very seriously. Howard said they claim that guy has a $100 million contract in Vegas. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard said if that guy is making 100 million then he deserves 7 billion.
Howard said the guy who won this year was a guy who sounds like Frank Sinatra. He said he doesn't get who would pay to go see that guy though. Howard said he watched one year and they had this Jackie Ivanco. He said that she deserved to win but she came in second. Howard said he would have steered the audience to that girl. He said the guy who won has just disappeared.
Robin got back to her news and read about Jerry Sandusky waiving his right to a court hearing today. Robin said that they thought that we were going to be hearing from 11 victims today. Robin said he's under house arrest right now. Robin read about how the senate is going to have a hearing about child abuse today.
Robin read about how an Italian woman left $13 million to her pets. Robin said that the cat was left more than $13 million. Howard said he would do that for his cats too. He said they're very nice to him.
Robin said that Sarah Palin's next reality show is having a tough time getting off the ground. Robin said they're struggling to get it sold. Robin said Mark Burnett is involved with the show. Howard sounded surprised by that. Robin said they say that Discovery and A&E have passed on the show already. Howard said he could make such a great reality show with her. He said he shouldn't give this out because then the idea will get stolen. Howard said they should build a fake White House and tell her she's president and see what happens. He said they could tell her there are Martians attacking and werewolves in New Mexico. Howard asked Robin if she would tune in. Robin said she wouldn't watch Palin under any circumstances. Howard said he's attracted to her and that Michelle Bachman. Howard said they say she's 55 and she looks that good. Howard asked Robin if she'd watch his show with Sarah Palin in it. Robin said she won't watch anything with Sarah Palin in it. Howard has all kinds of ideas for that show. He said he'd have her blowing a Martian ambassador to keep them from attacking. He had to do another live commercial after that.
Gary came in thinking Howard was going to break. Howard said he wasn't so he said goodbye to him. Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to feel up the Penthouse Pet. The guy said he's single and he can get up there to do it. Howard said they have one slot left.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Richard Hatch getting out of jail. Robin said he was released on Monday after serving 7 months for failing to pay taxes on his Survivor winnings. Robin said he got caught and went to jail and then violated his probation and got sent back. Howard said the guy is a mess from doing that show.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to come in to feel up the Penthouse Pet. Howard said they were full after that guy got through.
Robin said that American Airlines is thinking of pulling their ads from NBC's ''30 Rock'' because of what Alec Baldwin did on Saturday Night Live.
Robin read about Newt Gingrich and some stuff that's going on with him. Howard said that he thinks Newt is shocked that he's a front runner for the republican candidate. Howard said he may not have expected that to happen. Howard said Herman Cain never expected to be up there either. He said he wrote a book and all he was doing was promotion for this book. Then everything blew up and all of these women came forward and screwed things up. Howard said he thinks that Mitt Romney will be the republican nominee. Robin said that's what Rudy Giuliani is saying but he thinks there's some kind of disconnect there. Howard did another live commercial a short time later.
Robin read a story about how we're asking Iran for our missing drone back. Robin had some audio of Obama explaining what's going on with that. Howard said we have to just march in and get it back. Robin said we can't just do that. Robin had some audio of Dick Cheney talking about how they should have blown it up before they got a hold of it. He said Obama had the chance to do that.
Robin said that Ben and Jerry's ice cream is backing the Occupy Wall Street movement. Robin had some audio of Jerry talking about that.
Robin had audio of the parents of a New Jersey student who committed suicide. They were taking about how they wish that their son had come to them about his problem. They said that suicide is never the right answer.
Robin said the U.S. Postal Service threw out a bunch of Christmas carolers from a post office. Robin had some audio of someone who saw them get kicked out. Howard said that it's a post office, you can go out on the street and carol all you want to. Howard said that there are some things you just don't do. Howard said you don't walk into a post office and start singing. Robin said these things are prohibited at post offices.
Robin said a Chicago strip club is giving out free dances to anyone who gives a free gift or toy for a child. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that toy drive. Howard said that must have been some session when they came up with that idea.
Robin read about how the economy might be hurting the Salvation Army's drive this year. Robin said they do say that some money is coming in slow and steady though. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said he did that for one year or so. He was in the Key Club and thought it would be a good way to get some friends. Howard said he bullshitted his way into the club. He said it was all jocks and good students in the club. He said he ended up doing the work while the others were getting laid. Howard said he did the bell ringing thing every day after school. He said it was rewarding and a good thing though. Howard said he was Santa Claus. He said he collected the money and brought it to school. He said there's no telling if the Salvation Army ever got the money though.
Robin read about the movie Carnage. She said that Jodi Foster is in the movie and she had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said that was enough after about 1 second.
Robin said Steven Spielberg is releasing a movie called ''War Horse'' on Christmas day. Howard said his wife went to see the play and she had to leave because it was so sad. Howard said he wouldn't go see a movie like that. He said he doesn't want to see shit that bums him out. Robin said there is a happy ending with this one. Howard said he doesn't want to see it. Robin said the play was different because it was puppets. Howard said he still doesn't want to see it. Robin had some audio of Steven Spielberg talking about the movie. Howard said he heard his other movie, Tintin, got really bad reviews.
Robin said on Glee tonight they're going to do a cover of ''Do They Know It's Christmas'' and Bono is involved in it in some way. She had some audio of him talking about what music means to people. Howard said he thinks way too much. Howard said he doesn't have that many thoughts himself. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said that he thinks that people will want to see that emotion come out. Gary said that he had an empty feeling when they left K-Rock. Jon asked if Fred will get upset. Gary said he's not sure about that. He said he gets that Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon did what they did on their show. He said that they've been together for 32 years now and that's a long time to see the same people every day.
Jon asked Gary if he was surprised that Sal didn't know what being in the black or being in the red meant. Gary said that should be second nature. He said Sal got so upset by it when they brought it up.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who might jump ship early if Howard announces the show is ending. Gary said he's not sure how to answer that. He said that if there is an end date they have to think about the opportunities that pop up. Gary said he doesn't think he'll leave early but he doesn't know for sure. Jon said he can't see Gary missing the last day. Gary said anyone who hires him should know and they might let him stick around for the last show. Gary said if Robin was offered something he can't imagine she'd leave early either. Jon said maybe Sal and Richard might take something but not the core group.
The caller asked who would write the tell-all book. Gary said he thinks that the people who would have done that have already left the show. He said he thought Jackie might do it. Gary said that the person who writes the tell-all book is the one who knows the least. He said those are the people who usually do that kind of thing.
After the break, around 10:30am, Sal came in so Jon asked if he thinks that Beet knew who he was. Sal said that the outfit was pretty elaborate so he was surprised he knew who he was. Gary said they had a tough time finding an outfit. Gary said they weren't able to find a costume so they had Santa pajamas and some other stuff they used to make the outfit. Sal said that he thinks that Beet was mesmerized by him. He said he thought that he though he was really Santa for a while.
Jon asked Sal about going into the studio to talk about his finances. Sal said he has four more years before he blows his brains out. Gary said that Sal was late that day and it was like he was begging them to goof on him.
Jon said that Howard asked Sal why he's going on the vacations and doing things like that. Sal said you have to live a little bit and you can't just sock it away and let your kids take it. Gary said that a family vacation is fine but maybe he could say to his wife that they can't spend as much as they are. Sal said he tries to tell his wife that. He said that she got a new dress for this party this week. He said she's not going to sit in a dirty train with her new dress to go to the party. Sal said his wife won't have a good time at the party under those circumstances.
Gary said Sal should bring the wax paper like they have at the doctor's office. Sal said they use that paper at the massage parlors... not that he'd know.
Gary asked what this holiday party is going to cost Sal. Sal said that the dress has to be in the $400-600 range. He said that his wife won't spend less. He said that she has to spend that. Then the car is going to be about $250 round trip. He said she also bought a bag for herself and that has to be another couple hundred bucks. Gary asked Sal if that sounds like a guy who is trying to save money. Sal said he's just trying to get through life. He said he tries to meet his wife in the middle somewhere.
Sal said his wife deserves this stuff. He said that she's really not spending that much money. Gary asked if she has an appointment at the salon. Sal said yes. He said she's going to the salon even though she could blow her hair out herself. Jon asked if he's ever told her that they can't afford something. Sal said she'll tell him that they can't afford it for him to go down to Atlantic City and things like that. It only happens about 3 times a year though. He only spends about $150 when he goes to the poker games. It's more when he goes to A.C.
Sal said he did invest in his IRA and he put 10 percent more in his 401K. He said he's going to start some other stuff for the kids this year. He said he's trying to live his life but he's not in debt like he used to be either.
Gary asked Sal why he's not out on the road as much as he used to be. Sal said he and Richard are working on that. He said he did save some money in the past from that and he's going to go back on the road to make more.
Jon asked Sal why he got so upset with Gary when he pointed out the black/red mistake today. Sal said he sounded like a jackass and he was trying to deflect. He knew he fucked up and he was totally guilty over that.
Gary asked why red and black aren't second nature to him. Sal said they didn't use that term much in the industry. He said it wasn't that common where he worked. Sal said that he was just talking about it two days ago which is even crazier.
Gary also said that Sal was upset that the monitor in his office was too small for him to understand what he was saying. Sal said it was a combination of things. Gary said Sal also got upset when he brought up the stockbroker job and asked why he had to get out of it. Sal said he thought Gary had a smug look on his face and he thought he was being kind of ''frivulous'' with him. He knew he got that word wrong so he changed it to ''copestetic.'' The guys didn't correct him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sal is a retard. Sal went off on him and told him to drop dead. He said he doesn't know how he lives and maintains his lifestyle. Sal told him to drop dead and die of cancer in front of his kids. Gary asked if he should really talk to the listeners like that. Sal said this guy didn't hear what he was just saying so he's the fucking idiot.
Jon took another call from a guy who said this guy couldn't have been a stockbroker. He said he was a telemarketer for the stock brokerage firm. Sal asked what he knows. The caller said he knows he was no stock broker. Sal asked what he knows. He told him to crash into a pole when he found out he was a truck driver.
Ronnie told Sal to take it easy on the listeners. Sal was getting really worked up about the whole thing. Jon asked Sal about that job and said he knows he gets very offended when they think that he was just taking calls. Sal said he's not there to defend it. He said that he has done everything he has dreamed of doing. He said he's conquered it all. He said that he is doing what he loves and it feels like he's not even working.
Jon asked if he loved being a stockbroker. Sal said it was okay. He was able to utilize Wall Street to be able to prank Gary. He said if he had really applied himself he could have done really well.
Gary said some people would say that the job was very easy back in the day and it would have been hard not to make money. Sal said he did a good job and things did kind of fall into his lap back then. Gary said he basically just said that his whole career was one lucky pass. Sal said that was his day every day.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Sal to calm down. He said he's calling in to defend him. He said he's been playing Words with Friends and he uses words that he doesn't know the meaning of. He said that he thinks Sal is doing fine when he plays the game that way. Sal said Jon Hein relies on things like this to make him seem smarter. He said that Jon retracts all together. Gary said Sal just basically said that Jon is smarter than him and he uses his brain to beat him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Shuli said that he heard that Ronnie was the one who whispered it to Howard. Ronnie said he's lying. Shuli said Leiberman asked Ronnie about shaving his balls and Ronnie said that he wasn't going to answer it. Then Jon asked him what he would use if he was going to shave them. Ronnie told him he'd use a Gillette Fusion. JD asked if he uses the same razor for his face and for his balls. Ronnie said he never said he shaves his balls.
Leiberman came in and said this started about a month ago. He said he asked Ronnie about his hair coloring and Ronnie said he thinks he colors his hair too. Leiberman asked if Howard really brought this up out of nowhere. Leiberman said that he thinks Ronnie got pissed because he said something to him. Ronnie said they were just fucking around.
Jon Hein asked how Howard found out about it if Ronnie didn't say anything, unless Howard thought he really dyed his hair.
Gary asked Ronnie if he said anything to anyone who may have put a note up for Howard. Ronnie said he didn't talk to Howard about it. He said it's not his fault if someone else heard about it and put it up for Howard. Leiberman said that there was a running joke over at America's Most Wanted and they used to goof on him about his cow lick so he gets defensive about his hair.
Jon asked Ronnie what he would recommend for Leiberman. Ronnie said he should leave more gray there. He said he should use Just For Men M26.
Gary said Leiberman got really upset in the studio today. Ronnie said he ran out of there really fast too. Leiberman said that he explained that to Ronnie already. He said he doesn't get flustered about much but he came out and didn't want to walk by Ronnie again. He said he's only been there a few months and he's not that familiar with that end of the compound.
Leiberman said that there were people saying that he was talking about how he shaves his balls so that's why he came to him and asked about it. Ronnie said that's the problem with the news team. They blow shit out of proportion.
Jon asked Ronnie about his grooming and if he was talking about that. Ronnie said all he said is that he grooms. He never said anything about his balls. Leiberman said he's usually honest about his answers so he found it odd that he was dancing around this answer. Ronnie said that some things are private around there.
Jon asked how he defines ''groom.'' Ronnie said that it can be anything. Maybe he colors his ball hair too. Ronnie said that it's not a big deal and it's none of their business if they hear him having a discussion out there in the hall. Ronnie said he gave Jon an answer when he talked to him in the hall that day. Ronnie said that he gave a Benjy shtick answer that day.
Jon Hein said he had to move on to other things. He asked if Ronnie said that he uses the same razor on his face as he does on his balls. JD was the one who asked about that earlier. Ronnie never said he did or didn't. Ronnie said they have too much interest in his balls around there. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they had coming up. He said they have a Penthouse Pet coming in to get groped. It's being sponsored by Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said you can visit IHateStevenSinger.com.
Howard said that they have a song parody contest going on. You can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard said they were getting ready for the show and he had to listen to Beetlejuice during the replay. He said he's such a fascinating guy. Howard said the guy is great. He was in a good mood yesterday. He said he saw him after the show and they got to talking. He said he thinks that his eyes water from medication he takes. He said he doesn't think he was crying. Howard said he saw Beetle in with Richard and Sal recording some new songs. He played some of Beet singing ''Frosty the Snowman'' and said he loves when he's acting like the 5 year old and not the tough guy. Howard played audio of Beet singing Rudolph the ''Red Nosed Reindeer.'' Beet was adding his own lyrics of course. He also sang ''Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.'' Howard said everyone is in the Christmas spirit. Beet was changing those lyrics and making them up as he went along too.
Robin said she's shocked that he knows even the basic refrain. Howard said he's just as bad as Beet is with lyrics. He said he'd have to make them up too. Robin said he should go back and record some of those songs too.
Howard said they have a lot of things happening around there. Howard said he was thinking about Richard's dad calling him and leaving a message. Howard said he says certain words that get him going. He said he talks about fresh road kill and he says ''this is your dad'' every time he calls. Howard said he also calls Richard ''bub'' when he calls. Howard said Richard must not be bothered by that. Howard said he would be.
Howard said Bobo was there yesterday. He said that he saw he was on the phone. Howard said he was trying to get out of there yesterday and he ended up saying hi back to him. He said he was there being interviewed by Rachel Fine. Howard said Ronnie asked how long it would be before Bobo realized he didn't ask for anything. Then a few seconds later Bobo asked if he could get a picture with him.
Howard said it was a whole thing that they had to do. He said he did the picture thing and took one with Bobo. He said afterwards Ronnie said that Bobo has so many pictures with him and he didn't need it. He said he always gets one. He's just a fucking nudge.
Bobo thanked Howard for being so gracious. Howard said he's so fucking annoying. Howard asked if he thinks that he wanted to take a picture with him. Bobo said if he had said no he would have been fine. Howard said he'd have to walk around thinking he was acting like a dick if he said no. Howard asked why he has to ask for more pictures. Bobo said sometimes they don't come out right.
Bobo said that Rachel is super hot. Howard hung up on him a second later. Howard said the guy is so annoying and such a weirdo. Howard said Bobo did that thing with Dog the Bounty Hunter. He said that he was acting like he could book the guy on the show. Dog got all excited but they didn't want him on the show so it was kind of insulting to the guy. Howard said Bobo started leaving text messages about how he did nothing wrong.
Howard played a clip of Bobo calling in and leaving a voice mail about the message he sent to Dog's wife. He read every bit of punctuation he had in the letter too. Howard said he had some of it wrong too. Howard let it play and goofed on Bobo's screw ups. Bobo was saying ''explanation point'' and some goofy things like that.
Robin asked if he's reading a telegram or something. Howard said that's what it's like. Like he was reading a telegraph.
Bobo said they were all good after reading Dog's wife's response. She was fine with it but meanwhile they were insulted by the whole thing. Howard said that Bobo was upset with the news reports about him. He played another clip of Bobo complaining that the news reports about him are wrong. He said that Jon Leiberman was saying things that weren't right. He said he doesn't impersonate Howard or say he works on the show. The only thing he's guilty of is saying ''we'' when he spoke to them. Howard added some punctuation to that statement too.
Howard said this whole thing was ponderous. Bobo was back on the phone and asked if he thinks that he really talks like that. Bobo said he doesn't read like that all the time. Howard said ''Sure you don't.'' Bobo told Howard that he didn't do anything wrong and maybe Dog and his wife should have gone out and looked him up. He said he never called A&E either. Howard said Bobo is retarded. Bobo said he is not.
Howard asked why Rachel Fine is interviewing him. He said he knows that she interviewed Robin but he's not sure why Bobo is being interviewed. Bobo said the fans want to know when he started listening and things like that. Bobo said Mariann from Brooklyn was up there too. Howard hung up on Bobo again. He said ''What a bore...'' He said he's in this Dog the Bounty Hunter conversation he doesn't want to be in. He said he has nothing against Dog but he's caught up in this whole thing.
Eric said he's calling in response to the fact that SFN is closed. Howard said that they closed down SternFanNetwork yesterday. Howard said he complained about the site and said he wished that Mutt would close it down and Mutt really closed it down. Howard said he thought it was a joke but he really closed it down. Howard said it was like a klan rally for the show. He said people would blast away at him and people in his life.
Howard said he's not sure that Mutt was making any money off the site and it must have been a pain in the ass for him. Howard said that it was the best Christmas present he ever got.
Eric said he's on another message board and it's not run that badly. Johnny was snoring over Eric. Howard got a laugh out of that. Eric asked Johnny to wake up.
Eric said he's on another message board and they don't have any negativity on it. Howard said he has a lot of enemies in radio because people are jealous of him. He said that they have to say negative things to bring him down. Howard said he's not sure why they're mean to each other though. Howard said things can get really out of hand and people put up people's personal information. Eric said he had to change his home phone number last week. He said that he thinks someone posted it on that site. Eric said that he tried to talk to Mutt last week but someone was trying to prank call him while he was on the phone.
Howard said it can be downright dangerous on that site. He said people are vicious. Howard said that if you want to say something nice then you get goofed on over there. He said they say you're sucking Howard's ass. Howard said that it's really the HowardHateNetwork. He said that they say that he sucks and blows and all of that. Howard said it's like you get mugged if you say anything positive.
Howard said they have to ask Mutt if this is for real. It was still closed last night when he checked. Eric said he doesn't like his PS Message which says ''Fuck you midget.''
Eric said he wishes that Johnny would wake up. Johnny was up and flushing the toilet. Johnny said he had just taken a piss. He was barely awake.
Johnny asked Howard why Eric's roommate spells his name Jon and not John. Howard didn't know why. Howard said he had Mutt on the phone too. Mutt said that he's not sure why he's being blamed for the phone number thing. He said that Eric blames him for everything on the internet. Eric said that it's not the first time. Mutt asked how someone got his number. Eric said that he's pretty sure that one of the losers got his number. Mutt said he's not sure of that though.
Howard asked Mutt if this is temporary. Mutt said he asked him to shut it down and he's shut it down. He said he's talking to the staff now and they're working on a plan on how to make that change. Mutt said he has a handful of people who volunteer because they love the show. He said they don't make any money. Mutt said that in 2006 money started happening but he really doesn't. He said he got an offer to sell the site for a million bucks and he didn't take it. Mutt said he got more than one offer too. He said he had people close to him that wanted to buy it just to put advertising on it. Mutt said he wasn't holding out for more money or anything. He said he had to keep the web site for another offer but he can't talk about that.
Howard asked to buy the site for 5 bucks. Mutt laughed. Howard said he knows it's a come down from the million. Mutt said he'd like to rewind the clock and sell it for a million. Howard said he'll give him $5 and Benjy's wig.
Howard asked what he means that he's going to do something new. Mutt said they want to bring people in who won't act all power crazy. He said he can't keep it all beautiful and nice but he can get rid of some of the negativity. Howard asked why he can't just keep it closed. Mutt said he guesses he can go to Facebook and do things there. Howard said he's already shut it down so just leave it down. Mutt said he has people calling, emailing and messaging him about it. He said there are much more worse people out there than there are now. He said there are people who get really worked up about it.
Mutt said people take a side on the site when they have fights and stuff and that goes on and on forever. Howard said that it drives him crazy when people post about how ugly his wife is. Mutt said there are people who do it as a joke but there are others he's not sure about.
Howard said his fans are really mean. He said Mariah Carey fans don't do that to her. Mutt said he guesses he'll keep it shut down and stop doing what he's doing for now. Howard thanked Mutt for the call. He told him to get rid of that logo. Mutt said he fell in love with that one but he will get a new one.
Howard said Mutt is at a crossroads. He has to decide what he's going to do. Howard said it's crushing to read that site. If he read it every day he'd have to jump out a window. Howard said he was bullied his whole life and he's still being bullied.
Johnny said they should call it the StupidFanNetwork. Howard said that he was thinking about Johnny yesterday and what a kick he gets out of those stories he tells. Johnny said that he loved when he and Artie would do impressions of his voice. He said that you can see his father on the web and see how he really spoke. He said that you can see his dad being questioned by Kennedy.
Johnny said that his dad respectfully declined to answer any questions in that thing. Eric told Howard that someone posted on his Facebook that he ruined his life. Eric read his response to the person and Howard said he's glad he got that in. Eric said he'll talk to Howard after the holidays.
Howard had the guys play the video of Johnny's dad testifying in front of congress. Fred tried to bring the audio up but it wasn't working. Howard gave up.
Howard played some audio of Sal talking about how the ''red and black'' term wasn't used that much in ''the industry'' of stockbroker. Sal was telling the guys that he doesn't know why but he fucked that all up. Howard said Sal was using some words wrong. Here's what I wrote yesterday:
Gary also said that Sal was upset that the monitor in his office was too small for him to understand what he was saying. Sal said it was a combination of things. Gary said Sal also got upset when he brought up the stockbroker job and asked why he had to get out of it. Sal said he thought Gary had a smug look on his face and he thought he was being kind of ''frivulous'' with him. He knew he got that word wrong so he changed it to ''copestetic.'' The guys didn't correct him.
Howard said that Sal went off on a caller too. He played the audio of him yelling at a guy for not understanding what he had just said.
Howard said what they were talking about was the dress that Sal's wife had purchased for like $600. Howard said even his wife doesn't do that. Howard said his wife goes out and gets dresses that are on sale at places like Filenes. Howard said that Sal has to sit his wife down and tell her not to spend money like that. He said she should spend $100 or maybe $70. Howard said Sal also explained that his wife wants a Limo to drive them to the party this week too. Howard said they can't afford to do that kind of thing.
Howard played more of Sal yelling at the caller. Howard said he loves the way Sal went off on the guy for calling him a telemarketer. Howard said he also likes that Sal brags about keeping his marriage together. He can't afford to get out of it, that's the only reason he's kept it together.
Howard said Sal is one big mystery. He said that he talks about pissing in wounds on the guy and things like that. Howard let that play a little longer. The caller who was being yelled at was just laughing.
Howard said Sal has this thing about pissing. He said they asked people to make Christmas messages for the show and everyone was saying who they are and wishes everyone a Merry Christmas or whatever. He said Sal's did one and you have to hear it. He played the clip of Sal talking about pissing and jizzing all over yourself. He said that he doesn't want to hear that on his show. Howard said that he has an obsession with piss and cum and all of this stuff. Howard said the guys at Letterman don't do that kind of thing. Howard said he was on the Jon Stewart show a while back and each of the writers there was so intelligent. He said they're so well spoken and this is the kind of guy he has working there. Howard said Jon Stewart doesn't have anyone saying ''fuck you'' to the listeners and talking about pissing on someone. He said he wouldn't change the way things are there but it's just crazy. Howard said it's like 90 percent of his staff was in Special Ed.
Tommy told Howard that not everyone on SFN was negative. He said that he would post positive stuff and get hate email. He said that everyone over there hates him when he calls in. Howard said there is a tremendous amount of negative energy there. Howard said he has a feeling that they don't even listen to the show and they listen to other shows. He said they can't possibly be his fans. Howard said when you read it then you figure he has no fans. Howard said it's almost like you have to post negative stuff there just to fit in.
Tommy told Howard he should bring back the Hitler moustached. Howard said he's thinking about bringing it back if they hire him over at America's Got Talent. Howard said he was watching a Hitler special on A&E last night and it was bodies being piled on top of bodies. Howard said he's not a fan of the Nazis but they did play hard and work hard.
Howard said he had another clip of Sal talking about what a ''Hail Mary'' is. Howard said you can tell that he has no idea what it really is. Sal was describing what someone told him once and didn't really know what it meant. Gary and Jon called him out on that. Sal just says stuff and he doesn't know what it really means.
Howard said Benjy was on TV yesterday continuing the campaign to get his girlfriend out there. Howard said Benjy walked right by a live news reporter who was doing a weather forecast. Howard said Benjy sang the song he and Elisa made. Howard played the clip and you can hear the guy doing the weather when Benjy walks in and starts singing. Benjy insisted on singing but they cut right away from the live shot.
Howard said Benjy is pushing this song ''Online Sweetheart'' that he did with Elisa Jordana. Howard said he found out that's not her real name. He said that she uses that as her stage name. Benjy said that it's Elisa Schwartz and it didn't go with the group she was in before. Howard said that Benjy seized the reporter and started singing and now Benjy wants to plug the song at the end of the show. Howard said no one is going to buy it. Robin asked if he's sold one. Howard said no. Benjy said they have sold some. He said he saw the graph but you can't tell exactly. He said he thinks it's a lot more than 5. He said he's trying to find out the real numbers.
Benjy said he thinks that it's not Howard's genre and that's why he doesn't like it. Howard played some of the song for Benjy. He tried to find it but it wasn't on his computer. Gary said they were working on getting it back up. They played a Baba Booey song parody instead.
Gary told Howard they had the song up so Howard played it. Howard and Robin laughed. Robin said it was only slightly less irritating than that ''Friday'' song. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Benjy and goofed on him for a few seconds. Howard said he has no problem with the plug for Benjy. He said he had to clamp down on them a while back but he's okay with this one. Howard said he'd like the boys to plug stuff that they're doing but not go overboard. Howard said that some of the guys were plugging stuff that didn't even sound legal.
Howard said for a while it was like the wild west around there. He said he had to crack down on it. He said he was trying ''less government'' around there and the guys were plugging all kinds of crazy stuff. Howard said he figured they understood that this was their living and they'd protect it the best they could. That's not what happened though.
Howard and Fred came up with some crazy site names like the stuff Benjy was plugging in the past. Howard said he had to cut back on all of that stuff.
Howard played more of Benjy and Elisa's song and moved on to talk about the stuff they had coming up today on the show. He said that Jenna Rose will be in today to get felt up by 6 fans. Howard said that she's giving the fans a gift today.
The caller asked Howard if his mom every mentioned anything about Christmas in the house. Howard said of course she did. Howard said everything is Christmas in this country. The caller asked if they got a tree and all of that. Howard said no. The caller thought his mom was Italian. Howard said his mom isn't Italian. Howard said he has a tree now in his home but that's because of Beth. Howard said Beth loves the Christmas tree and decorating it. Howard said he doesn't take part in the decorating. Howard said it's not a thing they do. Howard said if she asked him to help he'd do it but she doesn't ask. Howard said he'll have Beth tweet out a picture of the tree.
Benjy asked if he had any second thoughts about doing the tree. Howard said he thinks that all religions are bullshit so he doesn't care about that. Benjy asked if she asked to get a cross if he'd be upset. Howard said she has a bunch of them and he likes how they look. He said he doesn't have a menorah set up. He said actually they might have one. He doesn't really care about that stuff though.
Howard said that if he was married to a religious fanatic then maybe he'd have a problem. The caller asked if he had kids with Beth, how would they be raised. Howard said he doesn't have any kids. If he did he wouldn't raise them with any particular religion.
Robin asked the caller why he's asking these questions. The caller said that he was just wondering. Howard said people are very hung up on this stuff. The caller said he grew up in South America and they're very catholic oriented. He said they always talk about how the Jews killed Jesus. Howard said he had to grow up with people telling him that.
Howard said that Sal went down to Rockefeller Center and asked people what they thought about the Jews asking for the tree to be removed. No one was asking for that but people got all worked up about it. They were talking about how many of these people are mentally ill and things like that. Howard said that's what people think about the Jews. He said the scapegoat is always the Jew when there's nothing else to blame it on.
Robin said that we forgive everyone but the Jews. She said we've forgiven the Germans for what they did but the Jews are never forgiven.
The caller asked Howard if he could buy his Stiletto radio. Howard said he doesn't listen on that anymore. He said that he has to learn to hang up on these people before they can ask ''just one more question.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard could never be a judge on one of those shows that he talks about. He said he doesn't think he could do that based on the way he handles his callers. Howard said he might have a point there.
Howard said he read an article in the paper about Nicole Scherzinger. The writer told Nicole that if she can't handle the heat she should get out of the kitchen. Howard said if you're going to be a judge you can't be afraid to voice your opinion.
Howard said he would do the right thing if he was given the job. The caller said he thinks that he's not going to be able to do it. He said that Howard is going to see some poor girl and not be able to turn her down. Howard said that they had some great drama on X-Factor this season. He said he thinks that he'd be able to judge. He said he'd be a good one. The caller said that he's too much of a softie. Howard said that he'll just have to tune in. Tune into what, he's not sure. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he heard them play a Mountain song on Deep Tracks that he had never heard before. He said he asked Leslie West how he didn't know about the song. Leslie didn't know. Howard said they have a DJ on that channel who seems to know everything. He said that Meg Griffin and some other people are great DJs on the channel. He said that he must have that channel on 10 hours a day. Howard said he's become more of a Yes fan because of that channel.
Howard asked if they wanted to meet Jenna Rose (@JennaRoseXXX). Howard said he's kept her waiting a while. Howard said she's willing to let the audience feel her up. Howard said he always likes to see a good looking woman.
Howard had the guys bring Jenna in. He said that he has to agree with Gary about Jenna. He said they were looking at her pictures and Gary said that she's so much better looking in person than she is in the spread. Howard asked if she thinks the spread did her justice. Jenna said it didn't in the Pet of the Year layout. She said she's kind of new to the industry and she loves the way the layout turned out though. She said that she's really nervous in front of a lot of people. She said they can have a bunch at times. Howard said he thinks that if they wanted to get great naked shots they would have the photographer alone with her. Howard said he'd think she'd be more relaxed.
Jenna said that she doesn't like to eat during shoots. Howard asked if she clears her bowels. She said she will do that if she's constipated. Howard asked how old she is. Jenna said she's 20. Howard said she's already the pet of the year at 20. Howard asked what she's going to do now. Jenna said it's just the beginning.
Howard asked Jenna where she grew up. She said she grew up in Victorville, California. Howard said he read about her background and she's gotten into porn. Howard said she has a weird background. He said that her parents got divorced but the dad stayed in the house. Howard said the mom got remarried and thought that she should never see the step-father so she was locked in another part of the house. Howard said maybe she was afraid that the guy was going to fall for the daughter. Jenna said that could be it. Jenna said that her mom always tried to protect her and she may not have had the best childhood herself. She said that she figured that all guys were the same.
Robin asked how she got locked up. Jenna said that they had a kitchen set up in the bedroom. She said they had curtains set up so they were kept separate. Robin said she may have had issues in her own childhood and she didn't want anyone doing anything to her child.
Jenna said she didn't wear what she wears now but Howard said that doesn't slow a guy down. Howard said the guy must have gotten resentful. When her mom died she was kicked right out of the house. Jenna said after the funeral she didn't even recognize the guy. She said he's black and he had this crazy hair going on. She said that she never really saw him. She said she saw him when she was like 10 and never really saw him after that. Jenna said that he was never allowed out so she never saw him. Jenna said that her mom would cover her in a blanket if her dad came down to go out and smoke a cigarette. She said she does know who he is but it was very strange growing up like that.
Howard asked Jenna about getting kicked out of the house. She said it wasn't at the funeral but it was shortly after. She said that there were a bunch of issues with the funeral and things. She said that he told them they had 3 months to find a place to live. She was 17 at the time. Howard asked if she thinks that's why she got into the sex business. She said that is why. Jenna said that her dad found a place for them to live. She said that she was allowed to see him during the time they lived with the step-dad.
Howard asked if the step-dad came out from behind the curtains after her mom died. She said he did. Howard asked if the guy knew she was hidden under a blanket when he'd go out for a smoke. Jenna said she's sure he did. Howard said everyone must have thought that whole thing was weird. Jenna said she doesn't regret that any of that stuff happened. She said it made her what she is today. She said she knows what not to do now.
Howard asked if she tried to get out of the house as much as she could. Jenna said she did. She said she has 3 brothers and they were allowed to interact with her step-dad. Howard said that they knew the guy but she didn't. Howard said she must have had a warped view of things. Jenna said she was able to put two and two together and figure out what was going on.
Howard asked when she got into porn. Jenna said she just got into it in March of this year. Howard asked if her mom left her any money. Jenna said her step-dad took all of the money. She said that her real dad got her a car so she could go out and work. She said she worked at In and Out Burger. Howard asked if she was discovered there. She said she was actually discovered on MySpace. She said that an agent asked if she wanted to make money doing nude modeling. She said she didn't know it was porn. She said she loves experiencing a bunch of different things. She said her mom would kill her if she was still alive. Howard asked if she was sexually wild back then. Jenna said she wasn't. She said that she was afraid that her mom would take her to the doctor to check if she had lost her virginity.
Howard asked when she lost her virginity. She said she was 15. She said that it was with a boyfriend in high school. Jenna said she signed up for softball because that was the only sport she was able to play. She said she was completely covered. Howard said maybe she's into this stuff because she was so repressed. Jenna agreed.
Jenna said her dad would drop her off for practice and she'd skip it to go see the boyfriend. She said she'd wait in her uniform and her dad would pick her up. Howard asked if her boyfriend has picked up the magazine. She said that he's on his way to being a daddy with some other woman.
Howard asked Jenna about doing porn and how she got pregnant in her first scene. She said it wasn't her first sex scene. Jenna said she wasn't on birth control or anything yet. This whole porn thing happened so quick that she didn't have time. She said she did this cream pie scene and she had no idea what it was at the time. She said that the guy cums on your pussy and then it looks like a cream pie. She said that he cums in it and it seeps out. Howard asked what she said when they told her that she had to do the cream pie. She didn't know what it was but she was ready to do whatever. Jenna said she didn't want to ask too many questions.
Howard asked if she was grossed out by the guy. Jenna said the guy that did her was pretty good looking. Howard asked if it was fun. She said it actually was. Howard said these guys seem to be able to pound away forever. Jenna said it's all the way they edit it. She said they'll take breaks during the shoot.
Howard asked if she thought about how she could get knocked up. She said she thought about it but didn't think too much about it. Howard asked if she knew he was going to blow a load in her. She said she didn't know. She said that he pulled out and came and then realized later that he came inside of her. She said a few weeks later she realized she was pregnant. Jenna said she was eating some Top Ramen and then she felt pain in her stomach. She said it was a tubal pregnancy and her fallopian tube burst. Howard said you can die from that. She said she had to go into emergency surgery.
Howard asked if she would have had the baby or had an abortion. She said that's a lot of pressure. She said that she's not sure what she would have done.
Howard said that Jenna is the Penthouse Pet of the Year and asked what she gets from that. She said she gets a contract and a diamond necklace. She said the porn contract is worth $100,000. Howard said times have really changed. Robin said that the prizes are jobs. She said her prize is being Pet of the Year.
Howard asked Jenna about doing the movies for Penthouse and if she's into doing girls. Jenna said she's always checked out girls but she was never sure how to ask a girl if they were into other girls.
Howard asked if it was awkward trying it with a girl for the first time. Jenna said she would watch lesbian porn so she kind of knew what to do. She said she was very nervous because it was with a girl and a guy and it was her first time. Jenna said that they showed her what to do and helped her out on the set.
Howard asked Jenna if the other woman licked her first. Jenna said she did. She said that it was actually about it being her first time so it was kind of true to life.
Howard asked if it's good when a woman licks you for the first time. Jenna said that she's only able to have an orgasm orally. She said that she's never been able to cum having a man inside of her. She said there's something about the tongue. She said that she has had guys who aren't good at it though.
Howard asked if she likes anal. Jenna said she hasn't had a guy get all the way in there yet. Howard asked Jenna about the lesbian scene and if it was weird for her to go down on the chick. Jenna said she had an idea of how it was going to be. She said it was Jazzy Berlin. Howard mentioned that they tweeted out a picture of Jenna and got in a plug for her Penthouse stuff. You can find out more at Penthouse.com
Howard asked Jenna if she douches. She said she does want to smell good down there so she does. Howard said that Jenna is a saint. He said they have six fans down there and she's willing to let them squeeze her titties. Jenna said she's just as excited about this as they are. She said she hasn't had any in a while.
Howard had Will bring in the guys and the woman who called in to feel up Jenna. Howard said that the guys were all handsome. Howard said hello to Steve who is a single guy. Howard asked when he last had a woman. Steve said he's the guy with MS and it's been a while. Steve said that MS isn't contagious. Howard asked what it is. Steve said it's a brain disease. Steve said that he's not losing life, he's just a tortured man for life. He said that you lose feeling in legs, arms and stuff. He said that they have him steroided up so he can walk around.
Howard said hello to Martin next. Martin is the truck driver who called in. He said he drove in from Lincoln, Nebraska to be there this morning. Howard told him to be gentle with Jenna. She has natural breasts. Howard asked martin if he's been with anyone this beautiful. He said he had to pay though. He said that was a long time ago. Howard asked Martin if he takes speed to stay up. He said he doesn't do that. He'll drink 5 Hour Energy or something to stay up. Jenna said she loves driving because you get to think and just get away. Jenna said that might be her next job. Martin said he'll take her out on the road with him.
Howard said hello to Susan next. She's the only woman to show up today. Howard said she looks like Sara Gilbert a little bit. Howard asked if she's lesbo. Susan said she has never touched another woman's breasts. She said that she wants to break out on Howard's show. She said her husband is there with her. She said she hopes that this turns him on. Howard asked what she's going to do when she feels her up. She said she might have to go from behind and feel her up. Howard said she has to be very gentle. Jenna told her she can do whatever she likes.
Howard said hello to John next. John said that he's closing on a home today. He said he may go for the dry hump hug today. He said that he may not feel her up. He said that she gave him a hard time about this. John said he might just go for the hug instead. Jenna said that's perfectly fine.
Next up was Keith. Howard said he looks like he can get women. Keith said he's willing to give it a go with Jenna. He said he has a small home remodeling company in Pennsylvania. He said this is exciting today. Howard asked Jenna if she's ready for this.
Howard said hello to Jose who has an heavy accent. Jose said he had a snowmobile accident so he lost his vision. Howard asked how that happened. Jose said that he was on a snowmobile and going about 20 miles per hour and ended up hitting a car. He said he has nerve damage from that. Jose said he was raised in Puerto Rico. Howard asked when he had the accident. Jose said that it was in 1969. He's been living in pain every since then. Jose said he hasn't felt a woman in years. He said he had a gathering with the guys a few years ago and he felt the stripper back then. Howard said he might blow a load today. Jose said he hopes so.
Howard said Jose can only imagine what she looks like. Howard said she's a beautiful woman. Howard said she's the Penthouse Pet of the Year. Jose asked if she was shaved. She said she is. Jose said he didn't believe her and asked if he could feel. Jenna laughed. Howard said that Dave is there to help Jose out.
Jose asked how big she is. She said she's a 34-C. She said they're natural too. Howard asked Jose if he understands that he has to handle her very gently.
Howard had Jenna take her top off. She did that and then had to take her bra off. Steve was up first and Howard said he hopes that she doesn't get pregnant from this. Jenna said his hands were nice and smooth. Jenna said that he was looking in her eyes like he was in love. Howard cut Steve off but Jenna said that they can do whatever. Howard said that he's going to give them 30 seconds.
Martin was up next. He asked to feel her ass. Howard asked if that was okay with her. Jenna said ''whatever.'' Martin wanted to feel her up from behind so he could feel her ass. Howard asked if this was okay with her. Jenna said that their hands were nice and warm so it was okay so far. Howard said his 30 seconds was up now.
Howard said that it was Susan's turn and he was excited about this. Susan went right in and felt her up. Susan said they felt great. Howard asked if she thinks she's a lesbian. Susan said no. Jenna responded with a surprised ''What?'' Susan said that Jenna can feel her's too. Jenna did that. Fred played some horn honking sounds.
Next up was John who said he was going to kiss her on the cheek and wish her a happy holiday. He said he loves his wife so he didn't want to upset her.
Keith was up next. Howard told him to go ahead and do his thing. Keith was grabbing her neck and that turns her on. Keith felt her up for a few seconds and Howard asked how they felt. He said they feel great. Howard asked if Jenna was turned on by this. Jenna said it was getting hot in there. She said that her neck is very sensitive. She said that she was liking that. Howard cut him off after a few more seconds.
Howard had Jose go next. Jose said he was nervous. Howard said if he thinks he's nervous he should see her face. Jose felt her up and Will said he thinks he just finished. Jose was feeling her and said he didn't believe she was shaved. He asked if he could just check. Jenna let him feel her a little more. Jose asked if she's ever had a Spanish tongue on her down below. She said she has actually. He asked if she wanted to have a second one.
Howard cut Jose off and then Dave asked if he could feel her up too. Howard said Jose tried to get her vagina but he couldn't. She gave him the butt instead. Howard wished Jose and everyone else a Merry Christmas. Howard said that everyone appreciates what she did for them today.
Howard gave Jenna some more plugs and sang a little Christmas song to them. Howard then went off on Mike Gange for not getting the mic up to Jose. Howard said Jose was the strong one in there today and he should know that by now. Howard said he loves Gange though. Howard asked if he wanted to feel Gange's breasts too. He said they're the same size as Jenna's. Jose said he didn't need to do that.
Howard said Martin wanted to say something. Martin wanted to say hi to his boy Lucas and everyone in Green Point. Jose had something else to say too. He said that the guys at Fire Department, Engine 8 helped get him there too. Howard was about to go to break when Jose asked if they had any presents for them. Howard said he just got his present. Jose said he knows and he won't wash his hands after that. Howard said he has a feeling he hasn't washed his hands in years. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was thinking about this Jerry Sandusky case. He said nothing is going right. He said the guy is going around doing interviews and fucking them all up. Howard said they'll ask him if he's attracted to young boys and he just can't say ''no.'' Howard said Sandusky's lawyer was being interviewed and you have to hear this. He played the clip and the lawyer was saying that they were all wrong about what they were saying and they should dial up 1-800-REALITY if they don't believe it. Howard said that if you dial that number you get this gay phone sex line. Howard said they can't get a thing right.
Howard had David Arquette on the phone. David said that the radio peep show he just put on was great. Howard said David should have been there. David said he could have felt her up. Howard said that guy Jose was great. He said his handler asked if he could be in the Wack Pack. Howard said he just moved up to the front of the line.
Howard said that he enjoyed dinner with David and his new girlfriend. He said that David isn't very talkative though. He said when he's in person with the guy he's kind of down. David said he's not that loud of a person. Howard said his girlfriend was very talkative so that kept him entertained. Howard said David will jump in if you press him.
David said most people talk too much. Howard said that's like him, Beth and his girlfriend. Howard said his girlfriend is stunning. David said things are going great. Howard asked if he made love to her that night. David said yes they did.
Robin asked if they've found an art gallery yet. Howard said that story in the Enquirer was false about his kid's art and how they were looking for an art gallery to display her work.
David said he's going to be in town on the 18th. Howard asked if his daughter is going to be there. David said he's going back to California for Christmas. He said he'll see his daughter then.
Howard said they say that Courteney is freaking out now that he's dating someone else and she has no one. David said that's not true.
David said last year was a diaster for him around this time. He hit bottom and went into rehab on the 30th. He said this year should be good. Howard asked if he's introduced his kid to the new girlfriend yet. David said it's kind of awkward. David said he does call her his girlfriend. He doesn't just say she's a friend. Howard said he should just tell her he needs to get laid. David told him to stop it. He wondered why he calls in.
Howard asked if Coco and the new girlfriend got along. David said they did. Howard asked if the girlfriend was going out of her way to be fun. David said she's fun all the time. He said she's a good hearted person in general. He said that it went well and Coco hung out with them on Thanksgiving. David said she had a good time.
Howard said he must have wanted to get back to fucking. David said that's not what it was like. Howard asked if the girlfriend bought her all kinds of gifts. David said it wasn't like that. Howard said Christine must have had to get a gift for her. David said it was Thanksgiving so she didn't have to get her anything. He said for Christmas she might do something.
Howard asked if Courteney had to check with the new girl to see what she's like. David didn't think so. Robin didn't either. Howard said what they should do is bring Courteney and the girlfriend into the studio with Coco. He said he'll have it on Howard TV and let the fans listen in. David said ''Yay! Fun for the whole world...''
Howard said David didn't drink while they were out to dinner. He said that David had an iced tea. He said that might be why he wasn't talking that much. He said he was busy talking to his iced tea saying ''Fuck you iced tea!''
Howard asked if Courteney and Christine have said hello on the phone. David said they haven't. He said they're all being very respectful to each other though. He said they can do it with class. Howard said he's been reading some stuff and it doesn't look like it's all that great. David said that's just not true.
Howard said that Courteney thought for sure that no one else would want David. David said ''Oh brother...'' Howard said he was just kidding.
David asked when the Christmas party is. Robin interrupted and asked if he's really taking more dance lessons. David said he is. He said he loves dancing. He said it's different now than it was on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard asked David if he's paying this Kim to teach him. David said she didn't want money but he did slip some into her bag. Howard asked what kind of dance they do. David said they learned a fox trot that they didn't learn for the show. He said he likes exercising and hates the gym so he likes going out for hikes and stuff like that. Howard said he'd like to hike. He said he runs and he walks around crippled all day. He said it's hard on his hips too.
Howard asked what David is going to get for Christine. David said he'll get her something cool. Howard said it can't be a goofy gift. David said he won't do that. Howard said he should get him a ''Friends'' box set. David laughed. Howard said he should get some jewelry. He said he can go to Barney's and get something there. David said he'll get something nice but not go overboard. He's also going to get Courteney something. Howard said he's crazy. Howard said she totally dumped him. David said he's nuts. Howard said it's over. David said they have a child together and they're friends. Howard said it's over. David said they're still close and they love each other. Howard said they do not.
Howard asked David if he had to choose between the two to have sex with, who would he pick. David said he's not going there. Fred played the ''Friends'' theme song while that was being discussed. David said he just wanted to call in and wish them happy holidays. Howard told him to keep in touch and let him know what's going on.
Howard asked David if he told him he had a thing for Courteney and wanted to ask her out, how would he feel. David said he'd go right to Beth. Howard told him to pretend he doesn't even know Beth. Howard asked if he would be upset if he went out with her. David said he told Courteney that he wants her to meet someone that makes her happy. David said that he'd be fine with Howard dating her. He said it's awkward and weird but he does want her to be happy. Howard said he wouldn't do that to David. He said he's his friend. He said he'd just go fuck her and not tell David. That way he won't hurt him. Howard said he would like to fuck Courteney.
Robin said he would never do anything to jeopardize his marriage but he has liked Courteney for a long time. Howard said he would like to fuck her. Howard said that he'd fuck her and Demi Moore too. Howard said he thinks that Courteney would dig him too. He said he's sensitive.
Howard asked David if he thinks that Stamos had sex with Courteney. He said he picked up a weird vibe from him. David said he doesn't think so. Howard said he thinks they did. Howard said that he taught her how to play drums. David said that she didn't sleep around a lot. Howard said if he was single he wouldn't be able to be friends with him. He said he would have fucked Courteney and his sisters. David said he's so glad he called in this morning. David said he kind of wants to fuck his mom and his sister and his daughters. Howard said he'd be okay with him being his son-in-law. David said he's sorry he brought that up. Howard said David goes too far. He said bringing his Children into this is wrong. He said it's not like he's waiting for Coco to grow up so he can marry her. He let David go a short time later. Howard wondered if he'd fuck his dog Bianca too. He said that would be going too far. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that all of the stuff he pitched to Howard about Michael C. Hall is all of the reasons he didn't want to come on the show. He married his co-star and Howard wanted to ask him about that. Howard said that it wouldn't be all that horrible. He said that he could have said that it just wasn't an easy thing. Howard said he could talk about his ex-wife and do it without getting upset.
Gary and Howard acted out the interview as if Howard was Michael C. Hall and Gary was Howard. Howard did a good job as Michael and answered his questions. Robin tried being Howard too for a few seconds. Howard had to cut them off.
Howard, as Michael, told Gary that they were mature about the whole thing and it is awkward to be on the show with her. Gary said that Howard can answer but not everyone can answer like that. Robin said they don't know that's the truth about the relationship. Robin said maybe she's going to be screaming that he's not supposed to be talking about her off the set. Howard said he could just say he can't talk about it then. Robin said that's a great interview then.
Gary said that they could ask him about his cancer and Howard answered as Michael. Robin said that you don't know how it really went. Gary said they're just making all of this shit up. He said they don't know that it was a bad divorce. Sharon said that she heard it wasn't an easy divorce from what she's heard. Howard said that he could have come in there and answered the questions. He said it wouldn't be that hard. Howard and Gary did more of the fake interview and Robin told him to just stop it.
Sharon asked if Kelsey Grammer talked about his new show ''Boss'' that he's doing. Robin said he hasn't been there for years. Sharon said the show is really good. Howard asked if she's asking him as Michael C. Hall or as Howard. Gary said one of the other things they wanted to ask about was Michael C. Hall having graphic gay sex in ''Six Feet Under.'' Gary said people thought he was really gay. Howard answered as Michael C. Hall and said he likes getting fucked hard over a car once in a while.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that David Arquette isn't that interesting and it seems like Howard is having a Bromance with the guy. The guy said that he has gotten more interesting with his conversations. Howard said he just said he was more interesting now. The caller said only because of his involvement with him. Howard said that's what they do with Ronnie the Limo Driver and people like that. Howard said he had to go when the guy said he didn't hear what he said. Howard said just tune out if you're not interested. Howard said he knows what he's interested in and that's what he goes with.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who has the nicer vagina, Courteney or Christine. Howard said he doesn't know. He answered as Michael C. Hall and said that Courteney does.
The caller asked if Fred and his wife have ever invited him to dinner. Howard said they never have. He said he's gone out to dinner with them but Fred has never asked him to go out. He said he's the one who asks. Howard said he likes that Fred doesn't bother him. He said that he and Fred have a great relationship. He doesn't bother Fred and Fred doesn't bother him. Robin asked if she's bothering him. Howard said of course she's not.
Fred said he's explained this before. He said that Howard has invited him over and it's all very cordial and polite but he doesn't get the sense that there would be a thing if he had him out to dinner. Howard said he might be right. Robin said that he's making up his feelings. Fred said he doesn't think so.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview with Michael C. Hall. The guy also said that he saw the Howard TV show where they showed Howard's office. He asked if Robin has her own space and what that looks like. Robin said she does not have her own space. She said the office there is in the studio. Howard said she does have an office. Robin said it's like the size of a closet. Robin said she can't even sit in there. Robin said it's not an office. Howard insisted it is. Gary asked if they can use that space during the day. Robin said ''yeah, sure.'' Howard said that she doesn't want to say that. Robin said that someone asked her if she wanted an office in her last contract negotiation.
The caller asked what kind of stuff they're running while they're off this Christmas. Howard said they have all kinds of stuff running. He said Tim knows what they'll be running.
Howard and Robin got back to the office discussion. Robin said she works there in her booth and not in that little room there. She said that tours come by and she's in there working. Howard said that's good because she can be the eyes and ears there. Gary said that he thinks that if someone asked him to put something in her office then he'd put it in that little space next to the booth. Gary asked where her pocket book is right now. Robin said it's just outside of her studio. Gary said that's her office. Robin said it's not.
Robin said there isn't even a chair in that room over there. Howard asked Jason and Will if they think she has an office. Will chose not to answer. Jason said yes. Howard asked why people are afraid of her. Will said that Howard should know by now. Robin said her office is her studio. Howard had Jon Hein come in after that. Will told Howard that she works in that booth and she doesn't work in the little space out there. Gary said there was one when they started working there. Robin said the room was too small for the chair. Howard insists that she has an office.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about SternFanNetwork and Howard said he thinks that it'll be back and it'll be as bad as ever. Howard said he told him to let it go but he thinks he can't just let it go. He said Mutt has to move on. He said he has that radio show he gave him. Howard said he thinks that Jon could do a whole show just about Robin's office. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and did one more live commercial and then had Robin get into some news after Fred played her in with a song parody.
Howard said he was reading a story about Oprah and how her TV network cost about $135 million a year to run and the ratings didn't go up from when it was the Discovery channel. Howard said that's tanking and her magazine is also taking a hit since she gave up her TV show. Howard said they say that the channels that her show is off of are doing just fine since she left. Howard said Oprah is the one taking the big hit. He said half of the magazine subscribers are gone already. Howard said Oprah didn't understand that the TV show was the reason people bought it.
Gary said they found out that the most successful show on her channel is a cooking show with a singer that used to sing with Ike and Tina Turner. Robin said she did announce that she will be doing a new show in the upcoming season.
Robin got to her news and read about an online gambling web site that's using some of Michael Jackson's hair to make a roulette ball. Howard said Benjy is trying to get some of that hair so he can attract his girlfriend. Robin said Benjy was talking about looking into baldness cures like someone was keeping it a secret. She said no one is going to keep that a secret. Howard said that's what he told him. He said he's not going to get into that now though.
Robin read about a cop who ran his police cruiser up a light pole. She said the guy claims that he was picking up a pen when the car ran up the pole.
Robin said they're considering a ban on cell phones in cars all over the country. Howard cut her off and said he was watching Entertainment Tonight and he doesn't usually watch. He said that they had an interview with Billy Joel and he wanted to see what he had to say about getting remarried. Howard said that they had something with him that lasted 34 seconds. He said they suck him in every time with that. He said it was such a non-story. Robin said they sucked her in on the regular news too. They said they had a Lindsay Lohan story and it turns out it was just about how she got a glowing review from her probation officer. Howard said you expect more than that and it's never any good. Howard said he should tease like that for the show.
Robin said that tanning beds aren't as safe as people think they are. Robin said that they say younger people have a higher chance of getting skin cancer if they use the beds.
Robin read about a woman who got fired for writing ''Ching and Chong'' for some Asian customers on some receipts at the restaurant she was working at. Robin said that this woman worked for Chick-Fil-A and they say that this is not representative of their employees.
Robin read about Time magazine naming their person of the year. Robin said that the person of the year for this year is ''the protester.'' Howard disagreed. He said the real person of the year is the Navy Seal who put the bullet in Osama bin Laden's head. Robin had some audio of this guy from Time Magazine talking about why they picked the protester.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that ever since Al Michaels was on he's been saying ''The fact of the matter is'' and ''lest anyone think...'' too much. Howard said that's a joke when he says ''lest anyone think.'' He hung up on the guy. Howard said he knows he says ''the fact of the matter'' a lot. He said he has 4 hours to fill. Fuck off. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about what's going on with Jerry Sandusky. Robin had some audio of someone talking about his mental state. His lawyer basically said that he's got the brain of a child.
Robin read about Donald Trump backing out of being a moderator for an upcoming debate. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about why he backed out.
Robin read about Russell Simmons asking Lowes home improvement stores to apologize for pulling ads from an All American Muslim show. Robin said that Lowes is standing by their choice. Howard said they're just afraid of pissing anyone off. He said they don't know what to do now. Howard said he feels for them. He said it's not as easy for them as people think. He said they're just trying to sell hammers. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin asked Howard if he knows what Tebowing is. Howard thought it was when you put your balls on Robin's face. Robin said that's tea bagging. Robin said Tebowing is taking a knee and praying during an athletic activity. Robin said that's based on the way Tim Tebow responds during games when they score. Howard said it's fine to be religious but just do it at home. Robin said that's not the way Christianity is. She said you have to display it to everyone. Howard said ''Sterning'' is when you read a live commercial and hold your penis.
Robin read about Elizabeth Taylor's jewels being on display. Howard said he heard that Lisa G went to look at those. Howard said he doesn't care about that stuff. He said his hair stylist went to see them and asked if he had gone. Howard said he told her he's not gay. Gary said that Lisa was asking him if he was going to bid on any of her stuff. Gary said he has no interest in that at all. Robin said she has no interest either. She said that she told them that she'd try to get over there. Will told Howard that Lisa was in there bragging about how she got her ticket and danced around as she bragged. Howard wondered if they're that hard to get. Will said he has no idea. Howard said they dance around like that when they go to Rick's Cabaret.
Robin told Howard what some of the jewelry sold for and how they had some records set. Robin had some audio from the auction.
Robin read about Michelle Bachman getting some support in her possible run for President. Howard said she actually does pretty well at the debates.
Robin read about the downed drone that went down in Iran. Robin said we're asking Iran to give it back to us. She had some audio of an official talking about that. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about some Iranian officials that are up on human rights violations. Robin said that American Citizens are banned from associating with the two officials.
Robin read about how American's are marrying less and later in life. Robin said that she's seen a lot of kids getting married. Howard said it's encouraging that people are taking their time and not rushing into it. He said that it's too young when you're in your 20s. He said you have to give that shit some time. Robin read some details about the study she was referring to.
Robin read about President Obama having some trouble in some states that are considered swing states. Robin said that it's a big shift from 2008.
Robin read about Newt Gingrich gaining some points in the polls. He's up to 40 percent. Howard said he still thinks that Mitt Romney is going to get the nomination.
Robin read about how Barbara Walters is doing another one of her ''Most Fascinating People'' shows. Howard said he was asked to do that show but he didn't want to be one of 10 people. He said he'd want a full hour. Robin said that Barbara was on David Letterman telling him that the Kardashian's were very hard to cover. Howard said that the whole thing is so disgusting. He said they're not the most fascinating. Howard quickly changed his mind and said maybe they are. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Charlie Sheen's ex, Brooke Mueller, going into rehab after initially saying she wanted to do it at home.
Robin read about MTV picking Adele's song ''Rolling in the Deep'' as the song of the year. Howard said he didn't know that those were the lyrics for the song. He listened to the clip a couple of times and said he likes when someone tells him what the lyrics are. Howard said that her father is a nutty guy and he's trying to get into her life after leaving her when she was 7 years old. Howard read some of this article he read about Adele's dad.
Robin had some audio of Robert Downey Jr. talking about working on the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Howard said he liked the first one. He said he likes Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes too. Robin said she loves the two of them too but she's not sure that's really Sherlock Holmes. She said he should be darker than he is in the movie.
Robin read about the new movie ''The Adventures of Tintin'' and had some audio of Steven Spielberg talking about the movie. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
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Gary said he's having guys up to his house on Sunday and in the past he wouldn't have invited Howard. He said he knows that Howard will say no but he thinks he'd be fun to have over to watch football. He said the biggest pressure he'd have is the kind of food he'd have. Gary said he doesn't have to worry about that now so he ordered wings and a 6 foot sub. He said the guys can come up whenever they want and just hang out.
Gary said he's sure that Howard would find something to goof on but he doesn't feel the pressure like he used to. He thinks that Howard would enjoy just hanging out with the guys too. He said Howard and Fred aren't real close but there is a bond there. Jon said he feels that way too.
Jon said that Robin and Howard are a different story. Gary said Howard has to deal with a woman who doesn't have an office. Gary said that there's an area outside of the on-air studio and he thinks that maybe calling it an office is a little formal. He said it was built as an area for Robin to work in. Benjy wondered what it was called on the blueprints. Gary said it may have been called her office but it's really not very big.
Gary said Robin had a booth at K-Rock and she had a space there too. He said the space was just for her. He said that she had a picture hung up in there. Gary said that it's Robin's ''space'' but he's not sure that it's an office. He said that it is her work area though. Jon said that a work area is an office, right?
Gary said Robin used her office more at K-Rock than she dos here. He said that it was much smaller than the space is now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that one of the things on the show that's entertaining is when Robin is very defensive. She can't admit when she's wrong even when everyone else points it out. He said she can't seem to get over this hump and say they're right. She refuses to give in.
The caller said he thinks that Robin was traumatized and she was never treated for it. Gary said she did go to therapy. The caller said that Robin decided not to go any further. It wasn't the therapist who told her she was done.
Benjy said Robin has said before that she's playing a character on the air. He said maybe it's the real Robin's office but not the character's office.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that Howard is completely anti-social. Gary said he's more social than he was in the past and he's much more social than he used to be. Gary said he thinks that Howard would go to Fred's house if Fred asked him to come over.
Benjy said that he finds it odd that Howard and Fred grew apart from when they used to hang out. Jon said that people's lives change and they do go their separate ways. Benjy said he finds it interesting. Gary said when Benjy and Elisa have a kid it will change everything. He said he'll see if that day ever comes.
Gary said he invited Howard and Alison out to dinner to invite him to meet his girlfriend and Howard ended up canceling on him. He said he thinks that around the time Howard met Beth he became more social. He said he had an Oscar party at his apartment and he went to that party and remembers being in the apartment and Howard asked him to do shots of tequila. He said the party was an effort to be more social.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it seems like Fred is the only one who hasn't tried to profit off of being on the show like Gary, Jackie and Robin have. Gary asked if Fred playing in his band was profiting off the show. The caller said that was a long time ago. Gary said that he's still in the band. Gary said he still plays and still plugs shows. The caller said that Fred isn't plugging anymore. He was still plugging into this year though. The caller said he's not plugging as much as everyone else.
Jon said that he doesn't think that would affect Howard and Fred's relationship at all. Gary said that they should be the closest if that's what the caller thinks is happening. He said Jackie would be the least friendly and Fred should be the most. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Jenna was up for just about anything today. He said that they had 6 listeners in there to feel her up. There were actually 7 because Jose had a handler. Gary said that Sal sent out a note about the guy that he knew to be a ''Lovable pervert.'' Gary said he found him to be just a pervert though.
Will said that he seemed to be focusing his eyes in all the right places so he's not sure how blind he is. Jon said that one of the guys drove from Nebraska to be there. Gary said it took him 23 hours to get there.
Gary said that the one guy kissed her and hugged her and didn't even feel her up. Gary said he shouldn't have shown up. Will said he kind of knows that guy and if it was anyone else he would be saying it's absolute bullshit. He said that he didn't know until he got in there that he wasn't going to squeeze her tits. Gary said you don't get any points for not squeezing her tits. You just get to go home. Gary said that guy just wanted to come in and meet Howard and the rest of the crew. Will said that's what some people do to get in there.
Gary said this reminded him of the parties they used to have in the 80s. He said they would have people take their tops off for turkeys and things like that. He said the hard core fans are fearless and that was going on today. He said that he could see Ronnie getting a little flustered. He said one guy wanted to walk down and see Richard and Sal. Will said that he got a note from one of the guys and he suggested getting naked pictures of Robin.
Gary said that he had a guy suggest putting a do not disturb tag on Howard's door when he's back there sleeping. Gary said you have to be nice to the people but that's the kind of nuttiness they get there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they didn't put Jenna on the Sybian today. Gary said they just didn't get to it. He said he did think about putting her on it and do it in front of the people who were there.
Will said that the girl who felt her up was wearing a top that was kind of see through. He said he's not sure what the other guy's plans were. Will said he wanted to stick Jason there for the blind guy when he asked to feel Jenna's vagina.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they thought she was kind of dumb. Gary said he didn't think she was. He said that she wasn't in the category of being dumber than a rock. He said he's not sure how porn works but he assumes that the guys don't cum inside the girls all the time. He said that it was one of her first shoots. Will said that it may have been an overwhelming thing for her too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he was the guy who didn't touch Jenna because his wife is kind of in the public eye. He said he's the wine guy. Gary said he didn't know that was him. John said that his wife is 13 weeks pregnant and he decided at the last minute that he didn't want to do it. Benjy asked if she's a nun. John said she's a teacher at a prominent school. He said he's sorry he had to do that but he had a great time up there. Will said he should have just felt her up if he was going to go as far as hug and kiss her on the cheek. John said it was an incredible experience. He thanked them all for letting him come up there.
Jon asked if they accept his apology. Will said he knows the guy and he won't trash him. Gary said that he's not sure that being in the room with a naked chick and not doing anything is going to get him any less shit than if he had felt her up. They went to break after that.
The guys talked about Benjy's song for a minute and then Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a DJ and producer and he thinks that song is trash. Benjy said that's fine. He said that he's not going to say he's right. Benjy asked him to pick the song apart. The caller said that he would never make a song before he met that girl. Benjy said that's ridiculous. He said that the caller wasn't a DJ before he was a DJ either. The caller said he's not going to fall for that stupid shtick. Benjy said he's being silly making that argument. The caller said Benjy is trash and he should just stick to his job.
Benjy asked if he's trying to make music too and that's why he's jealous. The caller said he's a big fan of the show and the stuff Benjy does just doesn't make sense. Benjy cut him off and asked who should be allowed to make a song. The caller said an artist makes a song. Benjy is just a writer. Jon said that Fred is a writer and he makes a lot of songs. Gary said Barbara Streissand is an actress and she stated to sing. The guy said that she was already established though. They argued about that for another minute before Jon moved on.
Gary said they knew that Michael was going to be in the building and he pitched it to Howard. Howard wanted to try it but the publicist told them that he was all booked up. Gary said in the old days he would have gone to the publicist and said they were crazy not bringing him in. He said this may not have been his kind of interview so he backed off.
Jon also brought up the shut down of the SternFanNetwork. Jon said it sounds like Howard is bummed out when he goes on the site but when he does go on he gets bummed out. He asked what Gary thinks about that. Gary said there's a fine line about busting balls or being vicious. He said that they do some vicious things on there. He said he hasn't seen it since about a month after they moved there to Sirius. Jon said that it seems like Mutt can't let it go and he's thinking about revamping the site. Gary said Mutt likes the show and maybe he can change it.
Benjy said Mutt said he was offered a million bucks to buy it but he didn't take the offer because he wouldn't be able to do the show there or something. He said that Mutt basically paid a million bucks to be able to do the show there.
Shuli wondered who would pay a million bucks for it. Gary said he's not sure but maybe they had big plans for it. Shuli said there's no way to change it over there. He said you can't change a message board concept. He said you can be an asshole with no repercussions. He said they're keyboard tough guys.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that you can't filter something like that and be diplomatic. Gary said when Mutt would filter it then people would cry about it. He said that they'd say that Howard is all about free speech and they don't get to say anything there.
Will said he was surprised that Howard would react to it that way and take it seriously. Will said that a lot of the stuff is funny. Jon said he takes fan reaction seriously. Will said they're just idiots in their basement tweeting during the day. He said he shouldn't take it so seriously.
Shuli said he didn't take it seriously until people were wishing that he and his wife gave birth to a retarded baby. They had to wrap up and end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to Herman Cain on the Barbara Walters special. He said he started singing to her on the special. Howard said he reminds him of Joe Frazier. He said it's very weird because the guy was a front runner. Howard played the audio of Cain singing to Barbara. He sang some song about Jesus and then wished her a Merry Christmas.
Robin asked if they cleared anything up during that interview. Howard said we found out he loves Jesus. He played some of Joe Frazier singing to Robin after that. Howard said that was a weird moment when he started singing to her. Robin just smiled and said thank you. Robin said you don't know what to do. She said she's waiting for someone who has the right response. Howard said if she wasn't in that glass booth it would get completely crazy. Howard said she could have made love to Joe but she didn't take her shot. Robin said it's best that she keeps to herself.
Howard said Robin gave him a letter opener and he still loves that. He said he uses it every day. It's an Excalibur sword. He said he loves that. He said what's nice about it is that this doesn't bend like other letter openers. Howard said he can even open boxes with it. He said it cuts through everything.
Howard said Jason made a calendar for everyone. He said it's of everyone there except Robin, Fred and Howard. He said he has shots of Scott working under the console, Richard and Sal measuring their cocks and things like that. Howard asked Jason where that is. Jason brought in a copy for him to show Robin.
Robin said she got herself a camera. Howard said he was going to get her one. Robin said she got a Cannon. She said she wasn't able to find the Nikon that Howard told her to get. Howard said he told her to get a D7000. Robin said she was looking for something else. Howard said it was the D3S but she doesn't need that one. Robin said she got a nice one. Howard wished her luck with that. He said it's very addictive once you get involved. Robin said she wants to do photo journalism. She said if she was ready she'd bring it to the party. Howard said no one wants that. Howard said he was going to hire a photographer for the party but he figured people would feel self conscious. Howard said they don't want that.
Howard showed Robin the calendar that Jason had made up. He showed her shots of Tracey, Will, Baba Booey, Richard and Sal measuring balls and Scott the Engineer under his console. Howard said that they have captions under each one. Howard said Jim McClure was in the calendar too. He had Steve Brandano, Teddy, Jason surrounded by fast food, Ronnie and more.
Howard said Ronnie got him a gift with some Christmas balls for his tree. Howard said he gets gifts for his kids every year too. Howard said he wrote him a note and thanked him for all of his fame. He said Ronnie is loving it. He likes having fans and people following him on Twitter and all of that.
Howard said there was a shot of Jon Hein that was very nice. He said JD is Mr. December in the calendar. He said he's going to use that calendar too. He said most of the people in the pictures have birthdays in that month. Howard said they don't have pictures of Robin in the calendar because they'd be screaming at him if Jason had put them in there.
Howard said they're having their holiday party tonight. He said that he needs to have everyone connect. He said that everyone is looking forward to seeing Benjy and his eye make up there. He said he's not sure if Benjy's girlfriend is showing up. Robin said she's pretty sure she knows what that girl is doing to Benjy.
Howard said they found out how many copies of Benjy's song have been sold. Howard said people are done with Benjy on the show though. They've been writing in complaining about him. He said that Benjy and his girlfriend might perform their song tonight at the party.
Howard said that he's going to wear a suit to the party. He said everyone is getting decked out. Robin said she hasn't picked anything out yet. Howard said Beth must know what she's wearing. Robin said no one will be looking at her. She's not a big party person. She doesn't need to bond. Howard asked why she was such a hard ass. Robin said she loves everyone but they stand around yelling and she doesn't need that. She said she'll spend 45 minutes or an hour just trying to get in the door. Fred played her Guatemalan music over her as she was talking about that.
Howard said he hates to hear that she doesn't like the party because he spends so much on it. Robin said that everyone else seems to enjoy it.
Howard said that's reality. Robin said that's Richard's reality. Richard came in and told them about how his parents have about 8 or 9 dogs and they live in the yard. They come in through a dog door that his father cut into their door. They had to make the door bigger for some of the dogs. Richard said his sister told him a story about what his dad used to do. He said they didn't have a lot of money so his dad would go out and find road kill to feed the dogs. He said his sister told him about picking up a rabbit that fell apart when he picked it up. Howard asked if that's kind of nasty for the dogs. Richard said the dogs can take it. He said they won't eat it if it's too bad. Robin said that the Beverly Hillbillies missed the mark. Howard said they were too sophisticated. Robin said they should have been walking in with road kill.
Howard asked Richard if they ever ate horse. Richard said they didn't. He said some people would but they never did. They did eat their pet cow though. Richard said there's something different about a horse than a cow. Howard asked if his dad would eat a horse that was hit by a car. Richard didn't think so. Howard imagined what that might sound like if he made the call to Richard about that.
Howard made up what his father might tell him if he had picked one up on the side of the road. Howard said that's the reality. Mr. Christy knows how to survive. Robin said she'd like to see him on Survivor. Robin said they should get him on that show. Howard said he'd probably eat Jeff Probst. Howard asked Richard if he thinks that his dad would do that. Richard said he thinks he'd be able to figure it out if he had to dress them on a deserted island or something.
Howard did his impression of Richard's dad calling to tell him about eating a human. Fred did his impression too. He talked about the Chimney sweep falling off the roof and dying so they ate him. They were having fun talking about eating a ''handwich'' and things like that.
Howard asked Richard if he got any deer meat from his parents this year. Richard said they did send some jerky and some deer sausage. He said they seal it and they just ship it in a cardboard box. Howard said Richard got sick from it last year. Richard said he did but he's going to try it this year. He said he'll eat a little piece and if he gets the shits he'll throw it out. Howard said it can't be good. Howard said it should be refrigerated. Richard said he ate the jerky because it doesn't go bad. Howard said Isaac ate it one year and he almost died. Richard said he had a city stomach so he couldn't handle it.
Howard said Richard's dad knows what he's doing and he admires that. He joked about his dad hitting a Jew on the side of the road and enjoying eating that. He said the yarmulke was hard to get down though.
Richard said Isaac hit a deer in the middle of nowhere when he was in his rental car. He was out in the middle of nowhere. Richard said he tried calling him and he was freaking out. He said he eventually he got a hold of his dad and they may have picked up the deer as road kill. Howard said one man's nightmare is another man's dream.
Richard said that the deer was fresh so you can pick it up and take it home. Richard said there may have been a little car paint in that meat. Robin asked if they eat the deer balls too. Richard said sure. He said they're a little smaller than beef balls.
Richard said their car broke down once and he had to walk to a house to call. He said they found a house where they were doing a party line and they had to wait forever for them to get off the line. He said they waited about 45 minutes for that.
Howard replayed the rabbit message from Richard's dad that he played earlier. Howard said that people should go to the Christy farm and learn to live and you'd be set. He said when the apocalypse comes then he's going to be ready.
Howard said his dog Java grabbed him once and she had found 5 baby rabbits in the round. Howard said that he told the dog she did good but covered them up and left them alone. Howard said the dog wants to play with them and that's probably what the Christy dogs were doing. Richard said they may have been planing on eating it but his dad took it away. Howard said fuck them, they have dog food.
Howard said dogs on a farm don't live in the house. You build a dog house. Richard said the dogs get excited when they see his dad come out with a gun. They're ready to go out and hunt. Howard asked if he walks or goes out in the truck. Richard said they get in a dog box. He said you follow where they bark to find where they chased a raccoon or whatever. Richard said that his dad will train the dogs how to chase a raccoon. He said that he'll train them for quail too.
Richard said his dad learned all of that just growing up on a farm. Howard said that his dad must fuck like a cave man. He said he admires that dude so much. Robin said he should take that education on how to survive. Howard said he should have done something like that when he was younger. Howard said guys are supposed to be hunters and you need to stay thin to do that. Howard said Mr. Christy is close to the land and he's a woman next to him. Howard said if he was a younger man he'd go out there to learn how to do all of this stuff.
Robin said Howard should get out there and do it. Howard said he'd have to go out and spend a year or two with him. He's too old for that now. Richard said he's forgotten a lot since he left. Robin said it would probably come back to him.
Richard told Howard about noodling which is when you go out and catch catfish with your hands. He said that you don't know what the hell you're reaching into when you do that. He said the hole is under the water and you feel around with your hands. He said that the catfish are spawning in the holes and it's illegal to do that in Kansas. He said you can do it in Oklahoma though.
Howard asked if his dad wanted to kill all of the squirrels in Central Park. Richard said his dad said it's too easy there. They come right up to you in the park. Howard asked if his dad has ever eaten a rat. Richard said his dad has eaten possum and that's like eating a rat.
Howard asked how long a deer can last. Richard said it can last the whole season. Howard asked if he could feed a family for the whole season with one deer. Richard said he can. He said they have about a year's worth of catfish in the freezer too. He told Howard how they catch the fish.
Howard asked Richard if he's looking forward to the party tonight. Richard said he is. He said he knows Jeff the bartender. He said that he used to drink this drink called a Flirtini and Jeff knew what he needed and he'd give it to him before he even got to the bar. Richard said he's just going to be drinking beer tonight.
Gary said that one of the TV producers was saying that Richard's dad catches the catfish and skins them alive. Richard said he will hit them in the head but sometimes he doesn't know if they're alive. He said that one they were talking about was still alive so he had to hit it on the head again. Robin said she'd die if she had to live off the land like that.
Gary asked who would live longer if Howard and Robin were in the wilderness. Howard said Robin would. He said he'd probably starve to death. Robin said she doesn't think she'd make it longer than Howard. She said she doesn't know what to do either.
Gary said he watches Survivor and there's a guy on the show who goes around catching fish with a spear. He said that he's not sure how he does it.
Richard said Robin can make her own milk so she could survive off of that. He said a few people could probably live off of that.
Howard said they have that big party coming up tonight. Richard said the food is amazing and it's an awesome party. Howard said he might talk to Richard tonight. Richard said he just leaves Howard alone and wants him to have a good time. Howard said JD never talks to him. JD was in the studio and told him to hold on. He said everyone is around Howard. Howard said that's not true. Everyone avoids talking to him. Howard said he talks to JD every year. Fred said he tried to talk to Howard but every time he turned his head there would be 40 bodies between them.
Howard said he tried to find Fred last year and he does this every time. He said he wanted to sit down and really hang out and talk to Fred. He said he's known the guy like 30 years. Fred said it's probably longer. Howard said he doesn't even know Fred's daughter. He said he met her once accidentally. Howard said it was when she was very young. He said that's the extent of it. They don't even get a Christmas card from them. Fred said they sent one last year.
Richard told Howard that he didn't eat his deer food from his parents last night because he was afraid that he'd get sick and miss the party tonight. He said he thinks it's fine that they mail it to him in a box with a bunch of stamps on it. Richard said he thinks that they had it sealed real well with tape so the smell didn't get out.
Howard said Richard's dad must have killed a bunch of Viet Cong. Richard said he's never asked. Howard said he imagines he has an ear necklace hidden away somewhere. Howard said he probably mailed home some VC sausage. Howard and Fred had some fun goofing around with that. Howard said that his dad can hit a squirrel in the head with a bullet. He said he must be very accurate.
Howard asked Richard about his dad's purple heart. Richard said he got it because someone in his troop was shot and his dad pulled him out. Howard said that he's like Rambo. Richard said he is a hero. Howard said he has to get him in there and get him to open up about Vietnam. Richard said he was on the show at K-Rock and he didn't really want to open up about that. Howard said he should have kept on him about that.
Fred asked Richard if his dad was shot too. Richard said he was shot in the leg. He said he should talk to him more about it and maybe get them on film like Gary did with his parents.
Howard did more of his impression of Richard's dad and had him talking about what it was like in Vietnam. He made up stories and figured the guy had to have killed at least 50 over there.
Richard said he thinks back to when he was a kid and being a smart ass to him. He said he feels bad about that. Howard said he would be so honored to be his son. Fred played The Doors ''The End'' like they were in Apocalypse Now.
Howard said his dad told him about beating some guy up in the subway. Howard said he got the Purple Token instead of the Purple Heart. Howard said his dad did fight but Richard's dad fought in the war. Richard said he used to be a railroad lineman too and he fucked up his back doing that. Howard said his back is ruined from stress. He said he wished his dad had ruined his back. Howard laughed at that saying that his life is an endless party.
Richard said that his dad used to come home covered in creosote. He said that his clothes would be covered in the stuff and it was toxic. Howard said his dad doesn't worry about that. He said he just says ''fuck that.'' Richard said his dad would just throw the clothes to his mom and say ''wash the creosote off.''
Howard said Richard's dad should be honored in this country. He said that he should be getting models. Robin said they honor Tom Hanks for playing the part instead of honoring the guys who actually did it. Howard said he should kill a model and mail pieces of her to his dad.
Howard asked if Richard ever heard his parents fucking. Richard said never did. He said they may have done it while he was playing drums or something. Howard did more of his Mr. Christy impression and had him leaving Richard a message about fucking his mom. Richard said he would delete that message.
Richard said he used to have to jerk off to hunting magazine pictures because he was never able to find any porn in the house.
Richard said that they used to go to rock quarries and find fuck books in the trucks there. He said that those drivers must have been perverts. Howard said he should have ended up normal. He said he's a drunk though. Richard said he just enjoys beer.
Howard said that was enough talk about his dad. Richard said he just honored his dad by talking about him like that. Robin said they're honoring people like Neil Diamond out there. Howard said that Richard's dad is a real man. He said he has hunting magazines and fucks and eats. Howard said that he will just drive down the road and pick up a dead raccoon and eat it. Howard said that's a real man.
Robin said she'd never survive if she had to do that. Howard said that Richard's mom is a real pioneer too. Richard said they've been married since the 70s. Howard said that his dad hands off the food to the wife and she starts cooking it up. Richard said they hunt and fish together a lot.
Howard said you don't need college if you know how to hunt and fish and kill your own food. Howard said you need college if you don't know how to do that.
Howard said if he had spent some time on a farm and learned like Richard's dad then he'd be a man too. Howard did his impression of Richard's dad some more.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was in Vietnam with Richard's dad. He said that his dad shot him in the leg and dragged him back. He was joking of course. Howard said they've spent enough time on this. He said he and Richard should have a drink to honor his father tonight.
Howard said Richard's dad is pretending that it's 1860. Howard said that he's not accepting the iPhones and other technology. Howard said they have to have a toast to his father tonight.
Richard asked if JD is bringing a date tonight. Howard said he asked JD in private about that so he wouldn't embarrass him. JD isn't bringing anyone. Richard just embarrassed him by doing that.
Howard asked JD why he doesn't bring someone from the internet. One of those slobs he's met. JD just laughed nervously.
Gary said that JD wanted to find a date on the show by doing a Bachelor kind of thing. JD said he sent one email and he thought it would be funny. Howard said he thought that was someone else's idea. He didn't know that it was JD. JD said what he wanted to do was find someone like Kate Upton to come to the party. He wanted to do what those miliary people did with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.
Howard asked JD about the stripper he was seeing. JD said he only sees her once in a while. He said there's no one he's comfortable with that he could bring to the party. Howard said he should be able to find someone. JD said he doesn't like riding the train either if he doesn't have to.
JD asked about the etiquette for tweeting from the party. Howard said that they should put that shit away for the night. He said he was just talking about a real man and they want to ''tweet.'' Howard said maybe they should just suck each other's cocks instead. He told them to get out of there with that. Richard said he won't be tweeting. He said he and JD did pull that Santa porn the other day though.
Howard said Richard loves the party with the open bar. Howard said they do have a nice bar there. Richard said that he's not going to drink the Flirtini this time. He said that's too many calories. He said he'll be drinking some beer. Sierra Nevada beer most likely. Howard said he'll avoid Richard tonight.
Robin said that Richard's sister is like Ellie May from the Beverly Hillbillies. She's gorgeous. Robin said that she goes out to find road kill but she's gorgeous and sophisticated. Howard said that Beth has ''critters'' like they had on that show. Howard said they have to go to break. He said they don't have to be there but they chose to be there for the fans. Howard said he's lying. He said Gary screwed up the schedule and they had to make up a few days this month. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. He said they have a lot to get in today so it's going to be fast paced.
Lisa said she's ready for the party tonight. She said she won't have a date with her though. Howard said JD is free. Lisa just said ''Okay.'' Howard said that people think that Lisa is really into Benjy. Lisa said it's only because she's covering his story so much. She said they found out that Benjy bought Elisa a promise ring. Howard did his impression of Benjy promising her that he will try not to look like Benjy at all.
Howard asked what the promise is. Benjy said he's not sure. Howard said he started the show talking about how people want him not to talk about Benjy but he finds it hard. He said Benjy ended up on ABC news the other day and he's not sure how he finds all of them. Benjy said that it's part of just being in New York. He said he just lucks out. He said he was helping a friend move a desk and the guy was out there doing the weather. Benjy said they had a monitor on the outside so he saw when they were on the air.
Howard said he has to play Benjy's song ''Online Sweetheart'' because someone did a parody of it. Howard said someone said he looked like ''Wendjy the Retard'' with that wig on the other day.
Howard said they heard that Benjy sold like 300 copies of the song. Benjy asked how he knows that. Gary said the guy works for Billboard and that's what they found out. Benjy said Elisa said that they have a chart that shows they sold thousands. Robin said he said he saw a chart and it wasn't clear. Howard said that this guy from Billboard is able to see just how many they sold. Benjy said he's not sure about that. Gary said he didn't just call and make up a number.
Howard played Little Mikey's song parody of Benjy's song. He sang about all of the things that Elisa is making Benjy do and said she's made him look like Wendy the Retard. Howard said he would buy this one. He said that was pretty good. Robin said that's the best thing Mikey has ever done.
Lisa said they got Benjy's song reviewed by Sirius Hits 1 and they said that it wasn't produced very well and music isn't Benjy's think. They did say they would play it on the channel though. Lisa said that one of the people on the morning show didn't know that it was for real.
Howard said that his dream is to walk out and go to the elevator without running into anyone he knows. Howard said he can't get the fuck out the door. He said that he was walking out yesterday and he heard someone calling his name. He said he kept walking and acted like he didn't hear that. Howard said that the guy was relentless. He said he thought it was Big Foot. Howard asked Ronnie who it was. He said that he might have to turn around. Howard said he turned around and saw a tall guy in a track suit waving at him. He said that it was the guy who won America's Got Talent who sings like Frank Sinatra. Howard said that he was much taller than he imagined he'd be. Howard said he has said some things about him and he told Robin how he felt about the guy. He said he went over and shook his hand and asked how he liked doing the show. Howard asked if it changed his life. He said the guy said he was working at a car wash before the show. Howard said that the guy's name is Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. and he was telling him about how Piers Morgan was rough on him but he did help.
Howard said that no matter what he does he puts his heart into it. He said he comes through with everything. Robin said he has a problem judging people there in the studio. She said that they weren't able to judge the kids they had in there. Howard said she's right but he'd be able to judge if he was paid to do it. Howard said there's no way that guy should have won America's Got Talent. He's sticking to his guns.
Lisa said she asked Sharon Osbourne if she would move to New York to do the show. She said she won't leave her girls.
Howard said he had to replay Little Mikey's song parody again. He said it was so good. He played it and got a few more laughs. Robin and Howard were both laughing at the parody of Benjy's song.
Howard asked Lisa what else she has. Lisa said that Ronnie has finished his holiday poem. Howard said Ronnie wrote a new one for the party night. Howard said he got in the car yesterday and Ronnie told him he had 3 hours alone and had it in the car. He said he pulled out a wad of paper with the poem written on it. Howard said he didn't read it to him though.
Howard said that ''Winter'' was given to a 5th grade teacher and the teacher wrote back and told them what she thought. Howard said that she said it was written with little thought and she'd give it a C- grade. She said if an adult did it then it was an F-. Howard said he got an A from another teacher though. Howard said that these teachers think he's retarded. Ronnie said he's not going to bring his other one to the party then. Howard said he's a pussy. Ronnie said if he's just going to bust his balls then he won't do it.
Howard said he told Ronnie to do a coffee table book of his poetry. He asked JD if he's going to read the poem at the party. JD said he wants Ronnie to read it. Howard said he wants JD to read it. He told him to do it in a serious way so he doesn't ruin it for Ronnie. Ronnie said he has to read it paragraph by paragraph and not ruin it. He doesn't want JD to ruin it. JD said he'll do what he can do.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's going to get drunk and act like an asshole tonight. Ronnie said he behaved last year. He said he has to get on a plane tomorrow morning so he can't get too fucked up.
Lisa said they found out that Big Foot has 17 restraining orders against him up in Vermont. Howard said that he was listening last night and Big Foot was explaining all of those things. Lisa said he threatened to blow up the hospital up there.
Lisa said that Will Murray admitted that he listens to his radio with ear buds when he's driving to and from work. Howard said he should stop that.
Lisa said they found out that Robin gave $75,000 to a couple of charities. Howard said Robin is a dream and a vision. He said he's very proud of her philanthropic work. Howard let Lisa go a short time later. Howard said if Robin was married she'd be complete. Robin said that's not going to make her complete.
Howard played a clip of Big Foot singing some Christmas songs. He doesn't really know the lyrics so he just mumbles what he doesn't know. Howard said he's just a big, lovable child. He had to go to break after that.
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Howard said there's a guy on the internet who has like 3.5 million views for this video he put up of himself watching football games. Howard said it's funnier with the video but he's going to play the audio. Howard said there are TV shows that don't get that many viewers. Howard said the guy just does his own play by play while watching the game.
In the clip the guy curses and says ''look at this shit'' a lot. He uses the N-word talking about the players and curses like crazy. Howard said the guy got 3.5 million people to check out his video. Robin said that you can't get that many people not using the N-word.
Howard said this guy is apparently very well known for playing on Xbox. He said he has a whole business going with this stuff.
Howard said he has some other clips to play. He said he has one of Donald Trump talking about how Seth Meyers isn't funny. He played the clip and Trump said Seth has marbles in his mouth and he's not funny. He said he thought that it was a poor presentation and he was a failure. Trump said he smiled a little bit but the entire evening was about him.
Robin asked if he saw all of Saturday Night Live this week. She said that Darrell Hammond was great as trump. Howard said he really was great. Robin said that Dr. Phil has Darrell on his show today. Howard said Dr. Phil is an asshole. He said he shouldn't even be allowed to talk to people in a therapeutic way.
Howard said he read that Glee is losing a lot of ratings and he's happy about that. Howard said they suck the life out of any song they sing on that show. He said that they did ''Do They Know It's Christmas'' on the show the other night and Gary tried watching. He said you want to throw up from it when you hear it. Howard played some of the song and it was awful. Howard said that each Glee member has a solo. He said he tried to watch it when Stamos was on it but he wasn't able to hack it. He said he finds it pleasant that they're losing ratings. He said he thinks that he's in touch with what people want to see and it's not that show.
Howard said Richard and Sal made a phony phone call. He said they called some place as Santa. Sal played Santa. Howard said he's had this for 3 days but hasn't played it. This one is ''Santa needs a cab for Christmas.'' They called a cab company and Sal said he was Santa and he was coming to town. They just hung up on him. The guy called Sal an asshole and that just got him to call more. Sal called back and said he needs a taxi to help deliver toys to all the young boys. They hung up again and again.
Howard said the boys found some porno clips too. He said that they found a chick who was about to do a gang bang with 8 guys and they interviewed her before she did it. She was saying that it was like her wedding day. Howard said it was 8 guys at once in her ass and everything. Howard said she thinks that's what her wedding day is going to be like. Howard played some audio of her getting banged and taking guys in all inputs. Howard said this went on for hours. He said it's good that she got her hair and make up done.
Howard said you think after it's done she'd be out of the porn industry. He played a clip of her saying she wanted to do it again with different men and women.
Howard said that the guys were all watching some Santa gay porn together. He said it didn't look right to see that. He said that they were all watching gay Santa punish a boy who was naughty. He said that he thinks Sal got the idea to call the cab company from that video.
Howard said he saw that the NFL got double the amount for their TV rights. Howard said NBC paid them a fortune. He said FOX did too. Howard said they say that NBC needs this because NFL is their highest rated show. He said their next highest is number 39 in the ratings. Howard said that FOX's fees are going up too. He read a little bit of an article about that.
Howard asked Gary about this guy who was going around as Ellen's producer trying to get people on the show. Gary said that this guy was emailing people asking them to come on the show but he'd ask for money up front. He was scamming people out of money. Howard said he's glad they caught that guy. Howard said there was a guy who was going around claiming he was Gary and raping women. Gary said that he's not sure if it was rape because he was just promoting to get them on the show. He said he knows it's fraud but he's not sure it's rape. Gary said that guy was fucking women in his car. He said they never did catch the guy. Howard said that was a weird thing. Howard asked Gary if that was actually him. Gary said it was not him. He said he was doing fine on his own.
The caller was hitting the button on his iPhone and that got Howard talking about the Siri app. Howard said he's changing his mind about that. He said that the app is actually working now that he knows how to use it. He said that he can text and set his schedule. Howard said it seems to be working fine for him.
Howard said that the app will also look up the weather for you really quick if you ask what the weather is going to be. The caller asked if he needs the weather app to work that way or will it just take you to the web site.
Howard asked Siri what the weather will be like over the next couple of days. Siri said it didn't look good now through Saturday. Howard said it shows you what the weather is too. Howard asked Siri to tell Robin that he'll see her tonight at the party.
Howard said it knew it was Robin that he wanted to send it to. Robin asked if it has the whole guest list in it or something.
Howard said that Don didn't have to present him with champagne. Don said it is Christmas time. Howard said the last time he gave him champagne he was fired from NBC. Don said that they are now hiring Howard and these are the contracts. Don said that Howard will be working for NBC once again. Howard said that they sold all of their radio stations.
Don said that they're going to be hiring Howard in the world of television. Don said they've been negotiating for a long time and now he has the signage papers for Howard and NBC. He said he'll let Howard announce it. Howard had to sign the papers first. Howard said he has no idea what he's signing. Don told him not to worry about it.
Howard asked if he's the new host of the Tonight Show. Don said that's close. Howard signed his name in four spots. Don said that they will have some other things signed and they'll be all set. He said they can send out the announcement now.
Howard said he has no idea what Don is saying. Howard said he just joined the cast of Glee. He said that he just agreed to be on The Biggest Loser. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard said that he's announcing that he's beginning a new and exciting part of his life. Robin said she can't believe he's back with NBC.
Howard said many years ago he worked for NBC. He said the day he got fired from NBC Don walked in with a bottle of champagne that day. He said Don said it was the best day of his life. Howard said that he was stuck at a shithole and now he was able to negotiate. He said that Don said he would never negotiate with them again. Robin said that times do change.
Howard said that they did drink champagne and Don was right. He said that Don has always been right. He said that he told him to be on the radio in L.A. and syndicate the show. Howard said this time Don is completely wrong.
Howard said several months ago Don got a call from the people at America's Got Talent. He said Piers was leaving and they wanted to know if he would be interested in going on as a judge. Howard said Don doesn't usually call him but this time he did. He said he usually tells him not to ask about these offers.
Howard said Don knew he watched the show and asked if he was interested. Howard said he was. He said everyone at NBC was very high on the idea. Howard said that all of the shit heads at NBC who thought he was horrible are gone now. Howard said this began a new era. He said that it's not NBC anymore, it's NBCU.
Howard said that they know the people at NBCU through IN Demand. Howard said that they flew in and met with him personally. He said he was very pumped up about this.
Howard said he met the people from America's Got Talent and he gave them a 1 hour lecture about what he wanted the show to be. Don said he took notes that day. Howard said that Don has taught him to let people talk and listen to them. He said he hasn't done that.
Howard said he is a huge fan of America's Got Talent and he loves watching the show. He said that Beth tells him he's brilliant at judging the people. Howard said that the people from America's Got Talent thought he'd be qualified for the job and this is what has led to him signing on with the show.
Howard said that he told the people from the show that he takes judging very seriously. He said when the young children come on he's going to want to talk to the parents. He said they have to prepare them for losing. Howard said that the nonsense of Howie and Sharon putting through people who are less than talented has to stop. He said that there will be no Frank Sinatra impersonators getting through.
Don said that he has just violated four clauses of the agreement. Howard asked if that's true. Don said it's not. He was joking.
Howard said his job is to judge and he will give he is honest opinion. He said he will hurt people's feelings.
Howard said that this guy Sam Rubin did a whole discourse on how there was no way he would be offered this job. Robin asked where they're going to do the show. Howard said he'll get to it.
Howard played the clip of this guy Sam Rubin talking about how he'll never get the job. Howard said he just wants to point out that people on TV don't know what they're talking about.
Howard said that he told the people from the show that he can't move. He said he has a radio show to do. He said they were willing to move the show to New York. Howard said that the mayor will probably give him a medal for bringing business to the city. Howard said he's sure he'll be able to get his audience to show up.
Howard had Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone. Mariann was screaming and said she didn't expect it today. She was going on and on about how happy she was but Howard had to hang up on her because she was giving him a headache.
Howard said that he thinks he'll be going around the country with Howie and Sharon, he hopes. Don said that no studio has been selected yet. Howard said that's too confidential to announce yet. Howard said they do have a couple of dates to fly around the country. He said it won't interfere with the job there. He said the live shows will be there in New York.
Howard said that Beth is already picking out clothes to wear when she sits in the audience. Robin said she's not sure where she's going to watch. She said she doesn't like the show but now she has to watch. Howard said she doesn't have to watch.
Howard said he told the people at NBC his problems and they solved it by moving the show to New York. Robin said that should be good for Nick Cannon. Howard said he doesn't think about Nick Cannon. He said he will be the voice of reason on the show. He said he's not going to let people in puppet costumes through on the show.
Howard said he will not let the Kinetic King through on his show. Howard said that he will be in Las Vegas for Vegas Boot Camp week. He asked Don what he's gotten him into.
Howard said that he will be judging people and his opinion is the one that matters on that show. He said that he will be Piers on steroids. Howard said that there will be no more nonsense.
Howard said this will be a different Howard Stern than is on radio. Robin asked if he's going to have Eric the Actor on his lap. Howard said he's not going to goof it up like that. He said he will go in as a serious judge. Howard said he will wear a suit on the show too. He said he won't wear a tie though.
Howard said he will have his hair neatly quaffed. He said his hair isn't so serious so he may have to shave his head. Howard said this show is going to be something else. He said he's prepared and he's ready to judge.
Howard said the show will air this year but they have the Olympics going on too. He said that he had to find out if they're one company or two. He said that they didn't understand the two company concept. He said he's very excited about this whole thing.
Howard said the show is going to be airing two nights in a row and it's all worked out. He said he has it all figured out. He said he's exhausted already. He jokingly said he also signed with CBS to do Two and a Half Men. Howard said that not everyone is going to be excited about this. He said that there are people reacting negatively. He had some audio of Sal and Richard asking people on the street about that. Some people said that Howard Stern should just disappear.
Robin said she's happy for Howard because she knows how much he likes that show. Robin said she never understood why he was so obsessed. She said it was perfect for him to do the show because he's been chomping at the bit to do a show like that. Howard said Fred must be jealous. Fred said he's had a change of heart. He said that it's going to be a new wrinkle in American society. He said some people are going to be really upset about the whole thing.
Robin said they won't be able to play all of the fall out from this announcement for two weeks. Howard said he starts taping stuff in February. He'll be going around the country with the show. He'll be in St. Louis, Vegas, Austin, Los Angeles and more places. Don said some of the cities are still up for grabs.
Gary asked if this is a multi-year deal. Howard said he doesn't comment on that. Don didn't want to comment either. Robin said all hell is going to break loose and they'll be on vacation for two weeks.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'll have to watch the show now. He said that Howard has to ask Howie and Sharon if they'll go see these acts in Vegas. Howard said he explained to the people at NBC that they have to have someone that they'd be willing to pay to see. Howard said that's what they will discuss on the show.
Robin said the articles and commentary about this are going to be crazy. Howard said he got an email from one of the guys at NBC who works on the show. Don said they were up talking about this until the wee hours of the morning. Howard said he feels he has something to contribute to the show. He said he thinks he'll be a fantastic judge.
Robin said that the thing that's throwing her off is that Howard will be traveling. Howard said he's not choked up with it but he's doing it for the show because the show needs him.
Howard wondered if he's going to have to see Jay Leno at the company up fronts. He said he's a flea on his ass and he doesn't need that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that this whole thing is going to skyrocket. He said that Eric the Midget is going to be on his lap. Robin said maybe she'll sit in the audience and have him sit on her lap. Howard said she did that once. Robin said she had Big foot Matt sit in on her Millionaire show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is going to be huge. He said he's loving it. Howard thanked him. Another caller congratulated him but said that she hates the idea. She said that she doesn't want the show to be a recap of America's Got Talent. Howard said it won't be necessarily. Robin said they're all in the same boat.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the two top trends on Twitter are Howard Stern and America's Got Talent.
Howard said this thing just happened last night so he didn't have time to set up a press conference. He took another call from a guy who said he's kind of worried about this jumping the shark. He said he's so popular and he's kind of being forced main stream. Howard said he's thought all of this through and he can do whatever he wants at this point in his life. He said he's huge and he can do this. The caller said that they're going to try and contain him. Howard said he's just going to be judging on the show. He said he's going to be fine.
Howard took a call from a guy from Inside Edition who asked what he wants to see changed about the show. Howard said he has his ideas for who they should be letting through on the show. Howard said they need people really special and not Midwestern cheerleader types. Howard said that if he can do it then it's not a talent.
The caller asked if they had any discussions about doing things differently on his radio show. Howard said they did not. He said that he told them what he thought should be done on the show and they listened to him. He said they didn't tell him to change a thing.
Howard told the guy, Les, that he has a very long show business career and there are people who burn out. He said he knows what it takes to be a star and to last a long time in show business. Howard said that he's done all of these things in his career and he knows what to do now.
Howard said that he's what America needs. He said ''America have spoken.'' He said he's quoting Nick Cannon there.
Robin asked if the judges can vote. Howard said they have that X they hit. Robin asked if he can vote off the air. Howard said he doesn't think he can but he'll figure out a way to cheat. He told Robin not to worry about it. Les asked how he's going to talk about this stuff on the show. Howard said he'll talk about whatever he needs to. He said if he sees nonsense going on he'll report it right there.
Howard said that the one problem he has is being on camera. He said he can almost look human at certain angles. He said he's relying on the professionals there to help out with that. Howard said that Doug and Scott DePace will help them out with that.
Gary said they have a lot of questions from the office. Gary said that they wanted to know if he will address Nick Cannon about the way he talks. Howard said Nick is an excellent host and he's not critical of his work. He said that he puts on that accent once in a while to look ''more black'' and he doesn't need to do that but he has no problem with that.
Gary asked what the level of germ phobia will be like there with him and Howie. Howard said he and Howie will walk in wearing HazMat suits.
Howard said his sister Ellen is on the line. Ellen said she wanted to congratulate him and she said she's so proud. She said that he's going to be wonderful. Howard said that his father always wanted him to go to law school. He said he's sure he's proud. Howard asked Ellen if she'll visit the show topless. Ellen said she will consider it. Howard thanked Ellen for the call and let her go.
Howard said the whole family can't believe he's going to be a judge. Howard said he told his parents what was going to be happening and his dad had no idea what he was talking about. He said that they don't watch the show. He did his impression of them talking about it with him. He said his mom asked what he needs that for. He said it would be fun. Howard said he told her the travel wouldn't be that bad and she said ''Oh really?''
Howard told Gary to get a phone number so he can get him on the air. His name is Paul Telegdy and he works at NBC. Don said he's a terrific guy. Howard said that Paul is one of the top guys there. Don said he's the head of reality TV and late night TV at NBC. Howard said that he'll encourage him to fire Jay Leno. Don said that Steve Burke is the head of Comcast and they have to thank him too.
Howard asked if Gary had Paul on the line yet. Gary said he was working on it. He had him on the line a short time later. Paul asked what time it was. Howard said he wanted him to praise him. He said he thinks that he's annoyed the hell out of him so far. Howard asked what this means for the show. Paul said that he thinks that Howard will propel the show to the next level. He said he knows that he's a fan of the show and he'll help the show out.
Howard said it's an honor to work with them and he can't wait to begin. He said he's ready to find America's big talent. He asked how they're going to handle his face. Paul said beauty is in the eye of the beholder and he thinks that Howard is a good looking man. Howard thanked him for calling in. He said the good thing is that he'll never have to talk to Don again. Paul said he has to take him out for a good dinner sometime. Howard said he can't wait to get started with the show. Paul said they're excited too. Howard said the good thing is that they're one company, not two.
Howard said he has to introduce Robin to Paul. Don said he actually just got engaged. Howard said he should have put in the contract that he had to marry Robin.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she can't wait to see how they put Howard on the web site for America's Got Talent. Howard said he's sure he'll be on there but he's not sure how he'll look.
Howard took a call from his dad who had a hard time hearing him. Howard yelled into the phone that he's going to be a judge. Howard had to yell it at him a few times before he heard him. It turns out that it was audio clips of his dad that the guys in the back were playing.
Howard took a call from Tara from Access Hollywood. Tara is a former intern from the show. She congratulated Howard on his new job. She asked how much money he signed for. Howard said he never talks about money. He said what he makes is embarrassingly good. Howard said that to land someone like him they had to pay him well. Howard said that they have a tough economy so he's making at least $100,000. Tara said she knows that Howard doesn't like traveling. Howard said he's not doing it for the money. He wanted to be a judge. He said Don is the one who cares about the money.
Tara asked if he'll be on a private plane. Howard said he will. Robin said that's not new though. No one was flying commercial as a judge. Tara asked how long he'll be in L.A. for taping. Howard said he'll be there once to pick contestants. Tara asked if he'll be on Access Hollywood at all. Howard said he will not. He said he won't be on the Tonight Show either. Howard said he won't do any of these other shows like Access Hollywood. Howard said they end up running 3 seconds of an interview and it's not enough. Howard let Tara go a short time later.
Gary said he's glad that America will get to see what Howard Stern is really like. He said that he thinks there are people who think they know him and they really don't. Howard asked Gary if he would like to come to the show and see what goes on. Gary said he would. Howard asked him to stay away from the other producers. Gary said he will do whatever he can to help. Howard said maybe he'll learn something. Howard said Gary has been very helpful during this whole thing. Gary said he does know the schedule. Howard told Benjy to have his girlfriend audition. Benjy said he'll do that. Howard said nothing would give him more pleasure than to throw them off stage.
Howard said he knows what to do and he's ready. He said some people think he's not ready but he is. Howard took a call from his dog who wanted to congratulate him. It was the guys in the back playing clips again. Howard said that Don's dog just died recently and he's sorry about that. He said that his dog, Duffy, was a great dog. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that there's a lot of hell breaking loose. He said that the first person out with the report was Sam Rubin. He said that he was busy announcing it and he took back what he said but said that it's an act of desperation. Howard played some audio of that report. Sam said that Howard Stern has signed to replace Piers Morgan on America's Got Talent. Sam said that the show will move to the New York area and said it appears that NBC is willing to try anything because they're in such bad shape.
Howard said it was 27 years ago when they worked at NBC and things have changed. He had Jeff Jarvis on the phone next. Jeff said that this is a momentous day for media. He said that he really is the King of All Media. He said he's going to be on Prime Time TV. Jeff asked if Gary's fuck up was a real fuck up or a way to open up the schedule. Howard said it was a real fuck up.
Jeff also brought up Louis CK who put his show on the web for $5 and he sold $500,000 worth of shows. He said it shows that the internet is ready for big stars like Louis and Howard Stern. Howard said that Bob Lefsetz wrote about Louis and all of the hard work he did over the years. He said he kept pushing and honing his act. Howard said Louis eventually figured it all out and now all of that hard work is paying off. Howard said he knows that better than anyone.
Jeff said that Louis edited his special himself and he sold over 100,000 copies in 3 days at $5 a pop. He said he's doing really well with it. Howard thanked Jeff for the call and let him go.
Howard said that Lisa G was yelling so loud out in the office that people yelled at her that she was making it hard to hear. She ran out of the room and may have started crying. Howard asked Gary if she's alright. Gary said the guys said she was ruining their experience so she got upset and left. Gary said she was jumping up and down like he had just bought her one of Elizabeth Taylor's jewels.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he spoke to Howard about this awhile back and he wonders how he's going to handle that hook nose and his face. Howard said he is concerned about it. Robin said he must be missing SternFanNetwork. The caller said he doesn't even like SFN.
Howard said he will meet with a lighting expert to help with his face. The caller asked if he really thinks that it's going to help. Howard said he can hope. The caller said he has to work on that nose. Howard said he gets it, he doesn't have to repeat it.
Howard said that Christina, David Arquette's girlfriend, is on the line. Christina said she's being a reporter right now so she can call in. Howard was willing to answer a few questions but they had to go one for one. Howard asked her how David is in bed. She said no comment. Howard said that's no answer. Howard asked how he is sexually. She said he knows him so what does he think. She said he's an amazing guy. Howard said he'll give her vague answers too.
Christina asked if Howard gets along with everyone from the show. Howard said ''No comment.'' He gave back to her what she gave to him. Christina took another question from Howard. Howard asked how long David's schlong is. She asked if he was serious. Christina couldn't answer that one. She asked Robin to help her out there.
Howard said he'll give her an easy one. Howard asked Christina what she's getting Coco for Christmas. She said it's something small and she didn't want to give it away. She said it's something she can wear. Howard said she's being vague again.
Christina asked what Howard is going to bring to the show. Howard said he's going to bring exactly what they need. He said he will judge and he thinks he's a good judge of what's entertaining. He's made a lot of stars out of people who have been on his show.
Howard asked Christina how big David's penis is. She said she can't answer that. She said she can tell him off the air. Howard asked if she's ever said ''Courteney'' during sex. She said no. Howard asked if that's true. She swore that he's never done that.
Robin wondered where Beth was this morning. Howard said she's at the Vet with Bianca getting her laser treatments for her arthritis. Howard asked Christina what she's wearing right now. She was wearing a skirt, t-shirt and rain boots. Howard asked if she's going to marry David. She asked how many questions that is. Howard said it's like a million. He asked if she's fully shaved. She wasn't able to answer that one either.
Howard let Christina go and asked Gary what he had in his hands. Gary said that the Hollywood Reporter has picked up the story. He said it's a big story. Howard said of course it is. He said he's Howard Stern. Gary said he wasn't shocked, he was just saying congratulations.
Howard read some of the article and said this is why he likes the whole thing. This is funny. They had pictures of him through the years and he said that's not fair. He asked why they have to piss on him. He read through some of the article and got a few laughs out of the quotes they had in there.
Howard wondered if they're going to get sneaky like Sirius and rename a town in California to ''New York'' so they can say they are taping in New York.
Jon ran down the list of things they'll be talking about today. Most of it will be about the announcement. Jon mentioned Lisa running out of the office crying and what happened there. Howard told Lisa to get in there.
Jon ran down a few more things that they were going to cover today. Lisa came in and said that she wasn't crying. She said that she did leave after Steve Brandano got upset with her. She said that she didn't want to ruin it for them so she just left. Lisa said that ''F him!'' Lisa said that she's excited about this. Howard said she's either very passionate or she's got no life. Lisa said she can't wait for this. Lisa said that she had a feeling he was going to be doing the show. She said she's so excited about this. She wanted to go back stage and do it all. Howard said they'll talk. He told her to get dressed for the party tonight.
Robin asked where they're going to shoot. Howard said that he can't say. He said he's honored that they're moving the show to New York though. He said that's a big deal to him.
Jon ran down a few more things they were going to discuss today. Howard said that he gave Robin her gift too. He asked if she opened it yet. She said he told her not to open it until they were on the air. Robin opened it and said it looks like a jewelry box. Howard said that's what you broads want. Robin said ''Oh my goodness!'' when she saw it. She said that it was beautiful. She said it was a diamond encrusted R and a gold bangle. Robin said she loves it. Howard said she has to wear it to the party tonight. Howard said Lisa G just passed out when she saw that. Robin asked if there was more. Howard said there was more. She opened the other part of her gift and told him that he's too good to her. Robin asked what he was thinking. Robin said that they're crazy. Howard said his pants are down now. Robin said it's a wishbone with a diamond in it. She said it was all beautiful. Howard wished her a merry Christmas. He said he could get her now. Robin said this is ridiculous. She said she's not sure what he's thinking over there. She said it's way too much.
Robin said either one of those things would have been a great gift. Howard said she's much loved and appreciated. Robin said he's one of the greatest friends. She said that anyone lucky enough to be able to call him friend would be rich people indeed. Robin said he's an amazing human being and he often runs himself down. Howard thanked her for that and said that she's greatly appreciated. Robin got choked up and said it's been an honor to work with him all this time. She said she's the one who has feelings there. Howard asked her to get on mic and cry. He thanked her again and Robin cried a ''thank you'' to him.
Howard said he's moved buy Robin's movement. Robin said she's always wanted one of these bracelets. Howard said he loves Robin. Robin said she loves Howard too. Howard said this is a strange show. He said the emotion is overwhelming him. He said he loves Robin's emotion. He said he'd give her one every day if she'd cry every day.
Jon had a few more things to run down as he finished his preview. They had to go to break after that.
The caller asked what Howard got her. Robin said it was a bangle bracelet with her initial R in diamonds. Robin said she can't even explain it. She said that she used to fantasize about owning a bracelet like that. The caller said that was very touching. Howard said he's not sure he's comfortable with all of this. He said he should have given this to her a long time ago. Howard had to finish his live commercial with all of that going on.
After the break Howard came right back and said that Robin's reaction has made him very happy. He said he had more TV reports about his announcement. Howard said Maria Menounos was on the phone too. Maria said she wanted to congratulate Howard on the new show. She said that she just got word about everything. She started crying when she heard Robin and the caller crying earlier. She didn't even know why she was crying though. She didn't know it was over a bracelet.
Howard said you never know how someone is going to react. Howard said it's very gratifying. Robin said she was doing fine this morning and then that happened.
Howard asked Maria if she would have gone out with him when he was single. Maria said she doesn't know. Howard asked if she would have done it behind her boyfriend's back. She said she wouldn't do that to him. Howard said he saw Maria with Mario Lopez the other night and they look like they should be going out with each other. Howard said that's when he wondered if she would have dated him when he was single. Maria said she doesn't know. She said she wasn't very promiscuous.
Howard said he heard Maria reading a voice over and she's very good. He said he judges everything and he liked her voice over. Maria said Howard is going to be great on the show. She said she thinks he'll add so much to the show.
Maria said she's doing a segment on the show where she tries to turn herself into a pop star. Howard said Gary knew she was going to work it into a plug for herself. Maria said she wants Howard to judge it. Maria asked if he got everything that he wanted. Howard said he got everything he wanted with Beth.
Howard let Maria go and had Beth on the phone. Beth said she heard about Robin crying when she opened the gift. She said that they were both so Robin. Howard said Robin always wanted a bracelet like that. Beth said they did very well.
Beth said that everyone is congratulating her. She's not sure why. Howard said that she gets to have him when he comes home. Beth said that's when he comes home cranky after working at night. Howard said that he
Howard said that they were calling this ''The Manhattan Project'' in emails and stuff and they were trying to keep it secret. He said it leaked out anyway.
Beth said that she's excited about this and she thinks that people will fall in love with him like she has. Beth asked if he got a wardrobe bonus for her too. Howard said she has to think about her outfits. She said she will dress very well for him. Howard asked what she's wearing tonight. Beth said she has a couple of choices. She said it's going to be very fun tonight. Howard let Beth go a short time later.
Howard said he had his photography teacher, Doug, on the phone. Doug said that he might be losing Howard as a student with this. Howard said he has enjoyed learning from Doug. He said that he loves his lessons but he realized that he will have to cut down on the photography. Doug said that Robin called it. He knew he was gone. Howard said he has to squeeze everything in. Doug said this was the shortest marriage of his life. Howard said he's not giving up on it. He said he will take more pictures. He let Doug go a short time later.
Howard said he will have to cut back on that. He said he doesn't want to let him know quite yet. He had to do a live commercial after that.
Howard played some more news reports about his announcement. One report said that the Parent Television Council has already made a statement. One of the reporters said that Howard is doing to have to watch his mouth on the show. Howard said he's not an idiot. He knows how to conduct himself. He's going on the show to judge and that's all he's doing.
Howard played another report about the big announcement and they were talking about Howard knowing what he's doing and how he's a broadcaster. Howard said that he likes whoever that was. He said she was very thoughtful too. Howard said they must think he's going to go on and whip his penis out or something.
Howard said he had Nick Cannon's reaction to the news. He talked about it on his show. He played that clip and Nick said that you never know what can happen with this guy. Howard wondered what they think he's going to do. Howard said he might judge Nick too. His co-host said that Howard is going to throw curve balls at him. Howard wondered what he's going to do that's going to be considered a curveball. Nick said he's not scared of Howard Stern. Howard said he thinks that Nick could kick his ass anyway.
Robin said this is reminding him of what went on at NBC when they worked there. She said that Howard grabbed her and brought her into a stairwell so he could hide from Sue Simmons.
Gary read a tweet from the PTC about this announcement. They said it was a cheap move by NBC to get some publicity. Howard said he'd love it if they got him kicked off the show before he even started. Then NBC would have to pay him off anyway.
Howard played more of Nick Cannon's show clip and Nick seems to think this is going to be great. Howard said he's not sure if Sharon is going to make it out there. He's not sure if they've spoken to Sharon and Howie yet.
Gary said that the PTC has just 1,800 followers on Twitter. Jim McClure has 4,000. Gary said they make it sound like they have some power but it's just 1,800 people.
Howard asked what Nick was broadcasting into. He said the sound of that show is awful. JD came in and said that Gange emailed him the clip he recorded on his phone. Howard said he was wondering what was up with that. Howard said this is his Christmas gift to Nick so he can get some sleep and not have to fly all over to do the shows he does.
Leslie West called in and said that Howard knows about what's good music and bad music. Leslie said they think that he's going to whip out his penis but that's not going to happen. He said that he thinks they need Howard on that show. He said that Howard knows good music.
Howard asked Leslie how it's going with the one leg. Leslie said it's going okay. He said that he's got his new prosthetic and he's been walking on it a little bit. Howard said he's afraid that he's going to be pushed around in a chair all day. Leslie said he sent him a picture of him on that leg. Howard told him to audition on that show. He said he would win. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Robin said she wanted to talk about the X-Factor judging. She said that the judges are protecting their own people and the comments they make seem to be politically motivated. Howard said ''on our show'' we don't allow that. He said the judging is very serious on ''our show.'' He won't let things like that happen on his show.
Howard asked how funny it's going to be to see his mug on that show. Robin said she's not sure how to handle this.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone lost the irony on Piers Morgan saying he was going to take over the King of All Media title from Howard. Robin said she brought that up earlier.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who congratulated Howard on ''our new gig.'' Howard said Ralph will probably be involved in some way. Howard said that Ralph has to show that he's serious about his judging so he has to wear suits. Ralph agreed. He said he'll hip it up a little bit. Howard said he may wear a summer scarf or something. He did an effeminate voice as he described that.
Ralph said that it's crazy what these people are saying about Howard and this show. He said that he'd watch any show that Howard is on. He said the show is going to be huge. Ralph said that Howard can control himself and he's not going to go crazy doing weird stuff. Howard said he'll see Ralph tonight. Ralph said that Benjy always makes the party about himself. He asked Benjy if his girlfriend is going to wear panties. Benjy said that he won't go if they don't want him to. Howard said that's not what they said. He said he can come if he wants to and don't come if he doesn't want to.
Ralph asked if he still had that hair on his head. He wanted to see it at the party. Howard said it was gone.
Howard told Benjy to have some fun today and not make it all about himself. Howard told him he didn't want to talk about it. He said that he should just come and celebrate with everyone. They're going to celebrate Richard's dad tonight. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Gary said that Twitter is blowing up with Howard Stern comments. Gary read something that a FOX News reporter wrote about this announcement. This woman said that it's not a good thing. Gary said Howie Mandel asked if he can stay at his house while he's doing the show. Howard said that's fine with him. Howard said that would be interesting.
Howard said he kind of digs that FOX news reporter. He said fuck her if she's not on his side though. Howard said she's a loser. Howard said he's ready to go to war over this stuff. He's not going to let people off the hook anymore. Howard said that he's going to be planning his war tonight at the holiday party. Robin said they're going back to battle. Howard said if they want to ruin his life then he's going to ruin their lives. He said that this Michelle Malkin chick is at the top of his enemies list and the PTC is number 2.
Gary said his favorite moment was when they were in Cleveland and the wires were cut and Howard said ''We're under attack! We're under attack!''
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard who was singing karaoke. Howard said he knew she'd want to audition. Howard said we're hearing her audition right now.
Howard said Benjy is in the corner applying camouflage dye for the war. Howard said that they should have a Retarded America's Got Talent spin off show. He listened to Wendy singing for a few more seconds before he had to cut her off.
Robin said Howard has to be ready to do this because that's the kind of stuff he's going to have to judge.
Little Mikey called in and congratulated Howard. Robin said they have to congratulate him on his great parody of the Benjy song. Mikey asked if he can do his Robin songs in his audition for AGT. Howard said he won't be the same guy he is on the radio show. Mikey said that he'd like him to keep him in mind for any job openings over there.
Howard said that Little Mikey's song is great. Fred said it's honest, heartfelt... Gary found the song so Howard replayed it again. It was Mikey's parody of Benjy and Elisa's song.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated Howard on his announcement. Howard said the show isn't about him or Nick. He said that it's all about the talent. Howard thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said he likes his sister because she's not jealous. She was excited for him. Robin said she was proud and excited. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard asked Robin what it means about the war being over. Robin said that the troops are coming home. They spent a little time on that.
Robin had some audio of the Golden Globe Award nominees being announced. They had Sophia Vergarra screwing up Martin Scorsse's name. Robin said that Ricky Gervais is going to be the host of the Golden Globes once again.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked what kind of power he's going to have on the show. Howard said he's just going to be judging. Howard said he doesn't think that people are going to lose their jobs like they're saying either. He said he has no problem there. Bobo said that Jay Leno must be twisting in the wind hearing this. Howard said Jay doesn't care.
Another caller congratulated Howard. He said that now he gets to show all of his relatives what Howard is about. He said that he's going to have to bring his daughter to audition. He said she's 10 years old. Howard said he's looking for a 10 year old superstar. Howard let that guy go a short time later.
Howard said Benjy just dressed up like Shirley Temple to audition. Howard asked Robin if she wants to get going. Robin said that she thinks they've said enough. Robin said it's been a wonderful year. Howard said some thanks and said that they have awakened their enemies. He said it'll be an interesting year ahead. Howard thanked everyone for a great year, even Benjy and SiriusXM. He said he'd like to thank both Sirius and XM. One company or two. Howard wished everyone happy holidays and happy whatever you celebrate. He said it really should be an exciting year ahead. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
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Jon said today has been a crazy day. He said Don Buchwald showed up with the champagne and the paperwork. Howard announced he's going to be on America's Got Talent next year. Jon said that if you love him or hate him you're going to want to see him on the show. Jon asked Gary if he thought Howard was really going to do this when he first caught wind of it. Gary said he wasn't sure. Gary said Howard says he wants to be home but he also loves that show.
Gary said he's sure they could all pick a show they'd love to be a part of and Howard gets to do that. Jon said that the AGT stuff is going to spill over into his show. He said we may be seeing a grumpy Howard on the show. Gary said that some people think a grumpy Howard is fun to listen to. Gary said he's not fun to work for when he's grumpy though.
Jon said that Lisa G was back in the office today jumping up and down before Howard even announced anything. Jon said that her spirit was squashed by Steve Brandano and Will Murray. Steve said he didn't yell at her but she was jumping up and down before he even said anything. He said that he told her that she was ruining this announcement the way Benjy ruins the holiday party for her. Steve said he felt horrible when he heard she was crying. Jon said that she did say that she was excited to get involved and she was making it about her there. He said Gary wants to be part of it too. He said everyone is kind of angling about being part of it.
Steve said he didn't tell Lisa to leave but he said that it was a lot like Benjy. Jon said he wanted to hear what Howard was going to say so it can get annoying. He said that the way she took it was like she was having her own parade.
Jon asked Will if he was as annoyed as Steve was. Will said he was. He said no one should be that excited for another human being. He said everyone is happy for Howard but she's taking it like it's her life and it was all about her. He said she's a news person and she should be doing a news report, not just listening to the show. Jon said he doesn't think that it was disingenuous. He said that he thinks she was happy for the show and she was going to ask Gary about the announcement. Gary said she's back there at that hour every day. Jon said she came back there just for this announcement.
Ronnie said that he heard a loud scream when Howard made the announcement and busted out laughing. He said Lisa didn't appear to be crying but she did appear to be upset. He said she kept saying how great it was and how she knew he was going to do it. Gary said they've been on for 7 minutes and they've only talked about how Lisa took it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Steve is a dick. He said that Lisa was excited for Howard. He said that things will pick up for her and she'll have more to report on. He said Steve is an asshole. Steve said he didn't jump down her throat and call her names. Will said that you can be enthusiastic for Howard but it wasn't like the birth of a child. Benjy said that maybe they could have said it a little nicer and asked her to be quiet. Gary said they just don't do that around there.
Gary asked Benjy if he could come in with not so many hickeys on his neck. Benjy said sure. Gary said they just don't ask people to do things like that there. Jon said that they wanted to have the moment with Howard and Lisa was distracting.
Will said that they occasionally forget to let the Howard TV guys know when they have certain callers on the line. He said that Scott gives them an attitude about it and he gets irritated with him. He said that they think that their focus should be on Howard TV and he goes beyond his fair share of that. Gary said that maybe if he had asked nicer he'd be okay with it. Steve said there was a lot of special calls today too so it was tough to keep on top of it all.
Gary said that Don seemed to be okay on the air today. He said that he had a very specific time that he wanted to go on too.
Jon said that Howard is really exited about this but as it went on it was working its way into the fabric of the show. Gary said that people who never noticed Howard before will notice him now.
Tim Sabean came in and said that this is good all the way around. He said that it'll be good for the show and for SiriusXM.
Gary said that Tim's reaction was great. He said that he was in the studio before Robin got in there and he kept saying ''Whoa!'' and every time Robin would try to say something he'd say it again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this is his first time on the show. He congratulated Howard and everyone there on this. He said that they should be even more top rated than they were before. He said that the ratings will go up even more because even the people who hate him will watch.
Gary said he found it odd that people think that this is a desperation move for NBC. That's already a top rated show for NBC. He said that's just not what it is.
Gary said there are fans who have listened to Howard since he was on AM radio and this is going to be like vindication for them.
Jon said he thinks he'll have a new legion of supporters. He said that it'll make the audience even bigger. Gary said Howard is going to do it with full enthusiasm too.
Benjy said that he thinks of it as being like Animal House and this is like them breaking into the other side's homecoming.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks this is going to be a curse to the show. He wondered if American Idol has a bigger audience. Jon said they do. He said that AGT gets about 14 or 15 million but American Idol gets like 20. Jon said that they're still a top rated show though.
Jon said that Howard is going to be doing some traveling and doing live shows two nights a week. Gary said he thinks that Howard is going to dislike the travel more than the live shows.
Ronnie said Howard gets crazy when his schedule changes. He said that he's not sure how the whole thing is going to work. He said he just found out today so he's not sure what will change.
Benjy asked how long Gary has known about this. Gary said he can't say exactly but it was a couple before today. Benjy said that he thinks that it's interesting that he knew but couldn't respond.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they've talked about how grumpy Howard is already. He said that they should start later in the day. Gary said that Howard has talked about that and he's agreed to keep the hours. The caller said he listens to the show like 3 times a day and the show start time doesn't matter to him. Gary said the bulk of people get up in the morning and listen then. He said that's who they're playing to.
Another caller said he's really looking forward to this with Howard being on the show. He said he loves to see the parade of strange people that come through and it should be even better with Howard being part of it. Jon said they're going to have to see how things go. It should be interesting. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he's curious to see what ends up in the tabloids. He said that they may talk about Howard and Howie's rituals before they go on and things like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows Howard is a good judge and all but he'd like to know if he has the stones to tell the parents of these kids that they don't have the talent. Gary said Howard said today that he does. He doesn't have to be mean but he has to give them some tough love.
Gary said that Simon (Cowell) has said it in the past that some people shouldn't waste their time and he breaks it to them. Gary said he's not sure just how young the kids will be on the show. Jon said there are some pretty young kids on the show.
Jon said that he's still trying to wrap his head around all of this. He brought up Robin's gift and Robin breaking down crying. Gary said she started to cry a little bit but then they went to commercial and she started sobbing. He said it clearly triggered something. He said she lost it and he's never seen her lose it.
Jon said when Robin opened that box she wasn't able to speak. He said that Howard definitely hit it out of the park with that gift.
Jon asked Gary if he's ever broken down like that. Gary said he hasn't. He said that he appreciates things but that kind of thing wouldn't make him cry. Will said he hasn't seen a reaction like that since Lisa G hopped around the office.
Gary said he remembers Howard's first book signing and seeing the sea of people that showed up. Gary said that he was behind Howard when they got there and he almost started to cry himself. He said he saw that Howard had moved to another level.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been listening since 1977. He said that Robin wouldn't shut up during that entire rap and it was really frustrating. He said that he felt that her reaction to the gift was real but it made him sick during the show discussion. He said it kind of bummed him out a little bit. Gary said he thinks that Robin is very happy for Howard.
Jon said another gift floating around today was Jason's calendar. He said he thinks he did a good job on that. Gary said he thinks he did too. Gary said that Jason did a good job but he's not so thrilled with the stuff he wrote under some of the people. He said it was a really good calendar overall.
Gary asked if there was another fight. Jon said there was another one but he's not sure he wants to get into it just yet.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's going to try auditioning, again, for the show now that Howard is going to be on it. Gary asked what he thinks is going to get them through this time. The guy said that they're going to do a different number this time. Gary asked how he's going to feel if Howard says they're just not that good. The guy said that he takes his opinion seriously and it is what it is. He said he won't quit and he'll keep doing what he's doing.
Doug Goodstein came in so Jon asked what was going on with him. Doug said that he was just kidding with Will and Will knows that. He said he didn't know how heated things had actually gotten. He said he just asked Will what was going on and grabbed his shoulders and pushed him. Will said he smacked him too. Doug said that they have a compilation show of Will pushing people around in the office so that's kind of interesting.
Doug said that Scott was saying that Will is the most sensitive guy there. Doug said he's really not upset with Will and he thinks that Will can get over it in 10 minutes if he's mad at him.
Gary asked Doug if he thinks that they'll be following Howard around with this new show. Doug said he's not sure if they'll have access but if they do then they can do that.
The guys talked about how people are reacting to Howard already and how they might react once he's on the show. Will said that no one is a complete saint so he's not sure why they're singling Howard out.
Gary said that he thinks that Howard is going to make a mark on this show. Jon said that it might be an adjustment for Howard not to be in full control of the show. Gary said he's not sure if Howard will have the time to share the way he wants to. Doug said it should be interesting. They had to take another break after that.
Jon asked JD how he expected Howard to respond. JD said he knew he was going to get railed on about that. Jon asked if he's going to be able to read Ronnie's poem tonight. JD said he hopes so. Jon said that Ronnie is very worried about him not being able to read it straight. JD said Ronnie talked about rehearsing it in a quiet place first. He said he thinks he'd be better off not rehearsing.
Ronnie was on the phone and said that he told JD he doesn't want a gift from him, he just wants him to read his poem in the right way. Jon said that's a lot of pressure on the guy. Ronnie said there's no pressure, he just has to read it the right way. Ronnie said it would be funny if Jason read it too. He said that Jason does an impression of him that's funny.
Jon said maybe he should read it himself. Ronnie said he likes putting it together but he doesn't want to read it. He said that this one has one part in it about what happened today about certain people thinking Howard is an asshole.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thought the grading of his ''Winter'' poem was wrong. Ronnie said he tried his best with that and it wasn't right the way they picked it apart. He said that he does it as a bit for the show and this new one will be a little different. Jon said he's looking forward to hearing it.
Jason said he's not sure why Ronnie would want it read correctly by JD. He said that he's not going to have it read the right way by JD. He said he didn't mean that as a knock against JD. Jon said that was a big knock against JD.
Jon moved on to Benjy and asked why everyone is looking to avoid him at the party. Benjy said he's not sure. He said he would rather not go and have no repercussions. He said he's not looking to go and be judged. Gary said if he acts normal there are no repercussions. Benjy said he doesn't think he's obnoxious and he's not trying to draw attention to him. Jason said he's saying he doesn't want the attention but then he says that they should tell him if he should go to the party or not.
Benjy asked Gary if this party seems to be a chore to him. Gary said absolutely not. Gary told Benjy he's the boy who cries wolf. He said that he's done things where he screams for attention. Benjy said he would love to just be at a normal party. Jon told him to just do it. Benjy asked when he hasn't. Benjy caused a whole uproar at Howard's wedding with the vegetarian meal. Benjy said he was asked what he wanted. Jason said it's not every time he goes but there have been times when he's caused some problems.
Will pointed out all of this stuff that Benjy is doing where he's all dressed up and comes to work with hickeys on his neck and stuff and he says he's not screaming for attention. Benjy said that has nothing to do with the party though.
Jon said that Benjy and his date can come to the party, sit down and just have a nice conversation. Benjy said then they'll say that he was trying to act normal and causing problems by doing that. He said he'd rather not be in that position.
Jon said that there are plenty of people who will be competing for the spotlight. Gary said Sal is one. He said that Sal won't show up without some tricks in his bag. Jason said he thinks that he's put his penis on something at every party they've been to. Gary said at some point he'll think that he has to get the party started. He thinks it'll be calm but he may get into something.
Jason said that Tim Sabean might be another one looking for attention. Jason also mentioned Brian Phelan and how he ripped his shirt.
Ralph called in and said that you know Benjy is going to do something to draw attention to himself. Benjy said no comment. Ralph said he wants to see that hair he had on. Gary said it was the whole package that he had to see the other morning. Will said that he's going to be wearing a hat. Benjy asked if that's screaming for attention. Will said it is when you're at a nice restaurant. He said it's rude. Benjy said that it's not screaming for attention and you guys are such pussies. He said he could have fun at a party but everyone is such a pussy about it. He said they're the biggest rule makers in the world. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at Noon.
After the break Jon moved on to talk about the holiday party. He asked JD about asking Howard if it was okay to tweet from the party tonight. JD said he was just wondering because they did that from a couple of other things like weddings and parties. JD said that they had some funny pictures of people at those parties.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:40am.