|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about watching clips on Oprah's web site where they do behind the scenes stuff. He said that everyone on her staff is fatter than Oprah. He said that the women are like 900 pounds. He said that the people there seem to be doing all of the work for her and she gets all of the glory. He said they all seem to be afraid of Oprah too. He said he's taking notes so he can make the same thing happen there. He said he wants to be a diva. Robin said that Howard is loved and not feared. Oprah is feared. Howard said that he fears his staff.
Howard said their staff isn't under the same pressure that Oprah's is. He said there was a clip where Oprah just had to interview JK Rowlings and the staff had to make it happen. Howard said they were all whispering about how they had to make it happen. He said these women weren't fat but there were some executives who are fat. He said that Oprah shows up in her sweat pants all fat.
Howard said he told Doug Goodstein that the fans would want to see all of the behind the scenes stuff there. He said that just one side of Will doing the pre-interviews would be great. He said Will, Jason and Jon Hein were having a big discussion in the back office the other day and the Howard TV guys weren't capturing it. He said they'd need a big staff to make that happen though. He said that he's talked about how they could do that kind of thing there for Howard TV.
Howard said he would like to know where Robin goes after the show. He said Fred is a man of mystery and he'd like a camera that just watches him. He said he'd even watch Benjy getting ready for work. He said he's all wet and sweaty this morning. His hair is almost all gone. He said there's water running down his head. Fred said it looks like he ran the marathon.
Howard said Giffords was the youngest woman in congress when she got voted in. Robin said that was 3 terms ago. Howard said that she had a lot of enemies for some of the stuff she's voted for. Howard said that the last time a congressman was shot was this guy Allard K Lowenstein and he was from New York. Howard said the guy was phenomenal. He said that he should have been a senator or the president because he was a top guy. Howard said he was a big friend of Bobby Kennedy's. He was also anti-war. Howard said that he only served one term in Congress. Howard said they re-districted the guy. Howard said the guy was dynamic and he had a lot going on. He knew his resume because his dad turned him on to him. Howard said his dad was a big supporter. Howard said some lunatic ends up blowing the guy's brains out. He said this guy could have changed the world in some way if he had lived. Howard said the guy who did shoot Lowenstein was this guy who was schizophrenic and he never did a day in jail. He said he read that he had been out on furlough from the mental hospital. He said they don't punish these people. Howard said the guy who shot Giffords will probably be let out too. Howard said the guy killed a 9 year old girl, a judge and more. Howard said if anyone deserves lethal injection, this guy does. Howard said it's not a case of him not doing it. They know he did it. Howard said they have to kill this guy. They know he did this.
Howard said that the teacher of this guy said that he was so afraid of this kid that she was afraid to turn her back on this kid. One of the girls in the class wanted them to get rid of him because they knew he was out of his mind. Howard said the guy was looney tunes. Howard said you can't go to a cop and tell them that you think someone is going to do something. You have no proof. The teacher said that he had a tingling sense in his head that the guy was dangerous.
Howard said he was watching all of the reports about this shooting and how this woman is still alive. Howard said they say she can squeeze a hand and that's high functioning. He said that they won't do anything to this kid and people will forget what happened. He said this guy is a real douche bag and they should give him lethal injection.
Howard said the weird thing is that he was trying to figure out if this woman is hot or not. He said she looks different in pictures. Robin noticed that too. She said she'd look glamorous in some [pictures and dowdy in some others. Howard said the kid who shot her is the same. He said that he looked like a nice kid in some pictures and like a big scary guy in others. Howard said he doesn't know about Giffords. He said that he has a lot of bad pictures himself.
Howard read about the guys who held this shooter down after he shot these people. He said that they say the kid was on the floor yelling about how he was in pain while he was being held down. He said that there was a list of people who died and it's really sad. He said they had the mother of the 9 year old on FOX news and the mom was hot. Robin said that Howard is talking about how hot this mom is while she's talking about her dead daughter. Howard said he knows he's a shithead. Howard said the 9 year old's grandfather is Dallas Green. He said that she was another dynamic person and a superstar in her class.
Robin said that Gabrielle Giffords was all about service and they say that she was running her father's tire business before that. Then she realized she wanted to serve people and got into politics.
Howard said the rhetoric that's out there from people like Rush Limbaugh and other makes it seem like these people are evil. Robin said there were some bizarre things going on around that.
Howard said he sees some of these senators on TV and some of them are intelligent and articulate and it gives him hope for the future of the country. He said that people think he's nuts for saying that. Howard said there are some good people out there and they're not all bad.
Gary said he was reading about how Gwyneth Paltrow was related to this Giffords woman but Paltrow said she never met her in a statement. Howard said that's not weird. He said he's got a lot of relatives he's never met.
Howard said he was watching the news and thinking about how sickening the whole thing was. He said that the TV people are just nuts too. He said that these are just crazy people out there. Robin said that they demonize people who don't agree with us. She said that there is no ability to discuss it.
Howard said he saw that Benjy is losing his hair really fast too. He said it's almost all gone. Benjy said he's looked up things about balding cures. Howard asked if he's going to get that Propecia stuff. Benjy doesn't think so. Robin told him to shave his head. Howard told him not to do that. He'd look like uncle Fester if he did that. Howard told Benjy that he should keep what he has.
Howard said he knew a guy who had a toupee and he had it set up so he looked like it was cut once in a while. Howard told Benjy not to do that. He wears the hat instead. He likes that look instead of the toupee. Howard said that there are guys who wear cool hats and that can work. He said Benjy looks like he has a full head of hair. He said he looks fine though. Howard said Benjy didn't look that good even when he had hair.
Howard said he's glad he has his hair. He said he posted a picture of himself on his Facebook account and his friends asked if he's getting younger. Howard said he has some grey in there now but he still has that dark hair. He also stayed relatively thin. He said the trick is to wear baggy shit. He said that he can't wear tight stuff. Howard said he's no fashion expert but he knows not to wear tight clothes unless you're a supermodel. Howard said Beth wears that tight stuff and she should. Everyone else, no.
Howard said that Beth is in full modeling mode right now. She's doing a bikini shoot and she's on a diet. Howard said he's on it with her.
Howard said Piers is taking over for Larry King and it's about time that guy is gone. He said he watched Larry but he doesn't understand why everyone went on that show. He said that the guy is crazy and no one will say it. Howard said Larry has been married at least 7 times and maybe 8 or 9. Howard said the guy lied about knowing Sandy Kofacs. He was arrested for writing bad checks when he was younger. Howard said the guy is just weird.
Howard said Larry was annoying. He said he was also annoyed by this golden voiced homeless guy. Howard said that the guy was out of work and homeless and he realized why. Howard said that the guy was standing on the side of the road for a reason. Howard said that he was a drug addict and he had a rap sheet that was like 10 miles long. Howard said the guy's behavior is questionable. Howard said that he's glad he's getting a second chance but the guy is weird. Howard said he has like 5 or 6 kids that he doesn't support too. Howard said he'd like to know what this guy is. He didn't see his mother in like 30 years too.
Robin said that guy is going to make more money than the reporter who found him. Howard said he thinks about these guys who have their shit together and they can't get a break but this guy is getting one. Howard asked where the clip of that guy is so he could play it again. He said he'd like to know if this guy is going to be able to hold a job.
Howard played the clip of this golden voiced radio guy. He said that he can work but there has to be a reason he wasn't working. Howard asked the guys to look up the guy's rap sheet. Benjy looked it up and found that he had been charged with robbery and things like that. Howard played more of the audio of the report where they had clips of Howard talking about him and the guy saying that Howard is great.
Howard said that he'd like to know how long it's been since that guy saw his kids. He said that there are guys who have worked hard and have kids they're with and they can't catch a break. This guy gets on the internet and gets all kinds of job offers. Howard didn't understand that.
Howard said that he likes to see a homeless guy get a break. He said that was that with the homeless guy. He said that there are a lot of other guys in radio trying to get work and they can't get it.
Howard said he's friends with Julie Slater on Facebook and she has a friend who went out and did a goof on that video where he went out with a sign and did the radio voice.
Gary said that he was reading some stuff on TheSmokingGun and they had some information about the trouble he had been in. Robin said that he'll end up screwing up. Howard said he absolutely will.
Howard said the name of the guy who did the video goof was Larry Morgan. Someone sent him a note about that.
Howard found out that the golden voiced homeless guy might have 7-9 kids. Howard said any money the guy gets should go right to his kids. Howard said that the mothers of the kids could have just given the kids up for adoption but she stuck around and took care of them.
Howard said his point about Larry King is that CNN fell into that whole thing and they had to fill up endless hours of time when they started out so they got Larry King to do a show there. Howard said they probably got him for cheap and kept him on. He said his ratings went away when they got some competition. Howard said he's not sure why they bought into that lunatic. Howard said the guy has 7 wives, a bunch of kids and a rap sheet. He said that he's lied about stuff and the guy is looney. Howard said even with all of that he got President Bush to sit down with him. He said he doesn't get that.
Howard said that he has a lot of emails coming in from Piers Morgan's producers. They want a bunch of pictures from him and he's not sure he wants to give them to them. Howard said they are going to be very prepared for this interview segment but he doesn't want to supply them the stuff they want.
Howard said the thing that pisses him off is that his dad was right about going into radio. He said that a homeless guy could get his job. Howard said that's what could happen to Chris Booker if this homeless guy was hired at his station. Howard said that he was never into that top 40 voice and he's not sure how guys get that going. He replayed that clip of the homeless guy again to hear that goofy voice he puts on.
Howard said he booked a Letterman appearance and he'll be going on there soon. Howard said Dave was very complimentary to him the other day. He said that Dave was telling Regis that he knows what he's doing in show business. Howard asked where that clip was and JD had to tell him that over Gary's mic. Howard ended up goofing on JD about his mumbling.
Howard played the Letterman clip where he tells Regis about how there are four people who know what they're doing in broadcasting. Oprah was one of them. Dave said that the other one is Howard Stern. He got some applause when he mentioned Howard's name. Howard thanked Dave for that.
Dave also said that Rush Limbaugh knows what he's doing. Howard agreed with that too. Dave also said that Regis knows what he's doing. Regis didn't think that was the case but Dave said he would rather watch Regis over other people. Howard said he'll be on Letterman in February. He said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Doug Goodstein likes to come in and have meetings with him during the show even though he's told him not to do that. Howard said he's told Doug to give that stuff to Gary and let him hand it to him. Howard said that Gary thinks that it's credit people are looking for. Everyone ignores Gary. Howard said that he could put his name on it and hand it to Gary. Doug said he's not looking for credit for that. He's just trying to help the show. Howard said he has a producer for that. Doug said that wasn't the reason he came in there either. Howard said that Gary is the only one who is supposed to talk to him during the show. He said Tim is in there and it's like a summit meeting. Howard said he just wants Gary in there.
Gary said he's seen a bunch of guys come in there during those meetings. He said that it's not just Doug. Gary said he and Doug are like counterparts but he has told him that Howard doesn't want him in there. Howard said that there is an order to things in there. They have too many cooks there. He said that they can't just let everyone in there. Howard said he tries to look out for Robin.
Howard asked Doug why he had to hand him that article. Doug said he saw something he figured he'd be interested in. Howard said if everyone did that then it would be a disaster. Doug said he just printed it out and gave it to him. Howard asked why he has to go around Gary. Doug said he doesn't care about credit. He said that he's not expecting Howard to say that he gave it to him. Howard asked Doug why he takes up two of the three seconds he and Gary have. Doug said he sees it a different way. Howard said he must know what he needs. Doug said Howard is very hard to figure out. Doug asked if he can give him his Howard TV notes in his usual spot. Howard said he can but give anything else to Gary. Doug said he doesn't want to bother Gary with that. Howard told him to bother Gary. He'd prefer that.
Howard said Doug likes to bother him instead of bothering Gary. He doesn't understand that. Howard said Scott DePace will send stuff to him in email or give it to Gary. Doug wants to hand him the piece of paper himself. Howard said that Doug ran in with something for Robin the other day. That led to Robin having to have a conversation with him for a few minutes.
Robin asked if Oprah meets with all of her producers individually. Howard said they all come in at the same time and talk to her while she's getting her hair done. Howard said that it's so weird that DePace and those guys hand him stuff in the middle of the show. Howard said he's working and he doesn't want that stuff handed to him in the middle of the show. Howard said that Scott should just mail him his Christmas card instead of handing it to him. He said it's craziness there.
Howard said during the break he has Gary come running in with what he has to get to during the show. Howard said they have 3 minutes to talk and one minute is a live commercial. Howard said Doug doesn't need to come running in too. He said he likes his enthusiasm but he should be handing it to Gary or emailing it to him. Howard said everyone loves their ''boff.''
Howard said he hasn't done that many in the past couple of years so he may go away after that. Howard said there are other shows that want him on. He said he hopes he doesn't have to do them. Howard said a lot of the shows are girl shows and those people aren't going to get the app to listen to the show. He said he doesn't want to do shows like Regis and Kelly. He said that he would do Jon Stewart since he likes Jon. He's not sure he wants to do Hannity. He said that's so political.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how some of these guys like Hannity are so one sided. He said that they can't see what good the other side has done no matter what. Howard said he doesn't understand that and why they have to suck George Bush's balls so much. Howard said he finds it ridiculous and crazy. Howard said he's spent enough time on that.
Howard said that he was reading about Ted Williams, the homeless guy, and thought about Ted Williams the baseball player and how his son just froze his head instead of his whole body. Howard said there were some funny stories about that. They had put his head on a tuna can and they had to knock it off with a hammer or something. Howard said that he wants Howard TV to go film the place where his head is kept. Robin said they probably don't let you in to see that stuff. Howard said he thinks that 60 Minutes did a piece on them. He might be wrong.
Howard got to more of the homeless guy Ted Williams and played some of the audio of him going to meet his mom. Williams was calling her ''mommy'' and telling her that he was home. Howard seemed creeped out by the guy calling her ''mommy'' at the age the guy is at. Howard did an impression of his mother as if she was Ted Williams' mother. Howard had her going off on him about not taking care of his kids and things like that. He had his father getting in on that too. Howard said that it's a good thing he didn't have his mom as a mommy.
Howard played more of the audio and the mother didn't even know how old her own son was. He had to tell her that he was 53.
Howard said that there was so many terrible things going on in the news and he's glad that it got this guy off the front page. Howard played more of the interviews that were being done with him and they found out he has 9 kids. Williams talked about how his kids are happy that he's got something going on now. Robin said he hasn't done anything yet other than a few interviews. Howard said that he's wondering what will happen now. Robin said they have to see if any of the job offers pan out.
Gary said he announced he's the official voice of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Howard said that they should send the money right to the woman who is raising his 9 kids. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that he just wants to buy a pair of shoes he likes and he can't find them in his size. He said he should try squeezing into a size 12 like George Takei. He asked Gary to call Burberry and ask them if they will make him these shoes. Gary said he'd see what he could do. He told him to let them know that he wants to wear them on Letterman or Piers Morgan. Robin said they'd probably tell him to forget it if he said ''Piers Morgan.'' Howard said he can't be the only douche bag walking around with size 13s.
Howard said he didn't watch the Jets game over the weekend but yesterday he heard that the traffic was light and it must be from the game. He said ''What game?'' He thought it was the Jets but they had played on Saturday night.
Howard said that everyone is congratulating this guy Michael Vick and he doesn't understand that. He said the guy killed a bunch of dogs. Howard said the game was really good and he saw Vick screw up. He said he almost won and he liked that he screwed up. Howard said that they
Howard said that Sal and Richard found another porno clip. Robin asked if he was really done with football. Howard said he did have more about the Eagles and how one of the announcers just said that they had to figure something out and get something going. Howard said that's the job he wants. He said he could do that. Howard said he's not sure if that was Joe Buck or the other guy.
Gary asked Howard if he heard about the Jets game. Howard said he heard some of it. Gary went into the story anyway and gave Howard some details about that game. They spent a little time talking about that.
Howard said he likes that he watched one game and he thinks that he knows what's going on. Howard asked who the Jets are playing next. Gary said it's the Patriots. Gary said that the Patriots kicked the shit out of a team a couple of weeks ago and they're playing really well.
Lisa got to her news preview and said that they have a story about an interview she did with a woman who said that Howard is wrong about older women being able to find guys. Howard had mentioned something about Lisa and how she can't find a guy. Howard said he heard them talking about her on the Wrap Up Show. He said that Lisa could find someone and his theory is that she's a girl who is satisfied in her everyday life and she doesn't need a guy. If she found one then she'd be with one. Howard said that she doesn't want to fuck up her life. Lisa said that she's happy and she doesn't need a perfect guy.
Howard said Benjy and Gary were saying weir things about her too. He said Benjy said something weird about how he'd date her but not fuck her. Benjy said that's not what he said. He said he wouldn't marry her. Howard said that's an insult coming from Benjy. Benjy said he does find her attractive.
Howard said there's nothing worse than a sweaty, overweight, bald guy telling you that he won't marry you. Benjy said that's not what he's saying. He said he's not telling them that they're not fun or anything like that. Robin said she's not upset at all about that. She said she's proud that Benjy won't have her.
Howard said there were fat chicks in school who wouldn't even talk to him. He said that he'd be totally ignored. Howard said he would sit and smoke cigarettes while his friends talked to the girls. Howard said that's how creepy he must have been.
Lisa got back to that report she had about the older women and dating. She said that she went to a shabot dinner once. Howard said that's the Jewish Sunday night dinner. Lisa said that was a Friday night. She said it was pretty bad. She said she met some great women there but not men. Howard said the guys there are disgusting like Benjy. He said that the guys are all princes. Benjy said that's not what it is. He said he wants to be with someone compatible. Howard said that it would be a huge compromise for a woman to do what he wants. Howard cut him off and said he didn't want to get into that with him.
Howard said last night he and Beth were laying in bed and Beth was staring at him with eyes of love. Howard said he thought it was kind of weird. Beth said that they had just watched the bachelor and she's happy after watching that show. Howard said that show makes women really happy when they're with a man. Howard said that the guy on that show told the women that they could leave now if they weren't there for the right reason. Howard said he got another advance episode. He said the show is fantastic. He did some manly stuff by watching football and then did some gay stuff watching The Bachelor.
Howard thanked some guys who sent him some comic book stuff. He said they sent some comics in a big coffee table book. He said that it's beautiful. Howard said he's such a geek. He said he knows he's a weird guy. Howard said he got a bunch of those comic book things.
Howard said he watched a movie that he really liked. Howard said ''Knight and Day'' was really good. He said that Tom Cruise is a really good actor. He said if anyone else was in that movie it wouldn't have worked. He said that Tom and Cameron Diaz were really good in the movie. Howard said the guy is riding motorcycles and shooting guns and he pulls it off. Robin said the beauty of Tom is when he's in a crap movie and he gets people to go to the movies. Robin said she watched ''The Switch'' and she was charmed by that one. She said that Jennifer was really good in that one. She told Howard what it was about and said that it was a great romantic comedy.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that they talked to Mike Gange about his Christmas party conversation with Howard. Gange told them about the conversation and how surprised he was that Howard talked to him for so long. Howard said Gange is a weird dude. He said that he wanted to sit down and talk to everyone there and that's what he did. He said that he has to plan all of that out and work himself into it. Howard said he'd like to sit home and just watch movies with Beth. He said he'd be happy doing that.
Howard said he's thinking about quitting chess again. He said he put in 3 years studying it and if he stops he'll get rusty. Howard said he doesn't seem to be getting any better. He said he's kind of stuck in a rut. Howard said that if he wanted to be more competent then he'd have to study more. He said he's too busy doing other stuff. He said he'll have more free time if he walks away from it. Robin doesn't think he'll do that.
Lisa said that this week is the voting for the Co-Host for a Day for Regis and Kelly. Howard said Booker asked him to put the word out for him. He said that Booker thinks that he wants that job so the worst thing in the world would be to go on Regis and Kelly to beg for people to vote but that's what Chris wants.
Howard said that booker contacted him and asked him to put the word out for this voting thing. Howard said that had to be tough for Booker to ask about that. Howard said it might be good to listen to and talk about on the show if he gets the job. Howard said it would be kind of strange though. Howard said he thinks that Booker would try to show off all of his talents in one show. Howard said he feels bad for booker because he is working his ass off trying to be a radio guy. Then this bum comes in and gets the job being the voice for Kraft Macaroni and cheese. Howard said that's just not right. You can vote for Booker at the Regis and Kelly web site.
Rich Davis is another guy that wants Howard's fans to vote for him. He does a few shows there at Sirius. Howard said Mark Goodman wants that job too. He said he works there at Sirius as well. Howard said they tape his show there too. Robin said they don't do much live there. Howard said he should have Mark on the show. He said he probably won't talk about the women he fucked though. Howard said that Mark used to be on MTV and now he's back to doing radio there at Sirius. Howard said they probably pay him $100 a shift. Howard said that their company doesn't pay much. Howard was doing an impression of Mark asking his agent where his check was.
Howard said that Sirius was shocked that Bubba turned down an offer that was an 80 percent pay cut. Howard said he still doesn't know if that's over with or not. He said he's going to have a meeting with Tim about trying to get something going there.
Howard got back to Benjy and Lisa and Fred did an impression of Benjy talking about how he'd consider fellatio. Benjy said that he'd consider going out with Marilu Henner. Fred did his Benjy impression saying that he'd go out with Marilu or Megan Fox or Jennifer Aniston.
Howard played some of the song ''Big, Big Bang'' and asked Mark about the video. Mark told Howard what she was doing and how sexy she looked. Howard said she probably can't wait to be a stripper. Mark said he's surprised they didn't write a song parody about Robin's tits to that song yet. Howard said Psych actually did. He played the song a short time later. Howard said that guy has a good voice too.
Mark asked if Howard is getting agita trying to fit stuff into the show now that he's ending it earlier. Howard said he's finally learned to just do 4 hours and get out of there. He saves stuff for the next day now. He said he's trying to make his schedule normal. He said nothing is written in stone so he can do however much he wants.
Howard said they finally told Steve they had the Adult Video News awards coming up. Gary said that Steve actually asked him if he could cover them. Gary said it became a whole ordeal because he was asking for four press passes for his buddy and his wife and others. Gary said that Steve hit him back and said it would just be him. He said he told Steve to get a good recorder from Jason to make sure he was set up. Jason then called and said that Grillo had no recorder and he asked him to send it with Gary. Gary said that it turned into a nightmare and he had no idea where to send it because Steve was giving him multiple addresses. They eventually got things set up and Grillo got his recorder.
Howard said they got the tape from Grillo and this is what they got. Howard played the clip of Grillo doing interviews and he was over modulated. Howard said the whole tape is like that. Howard said they can't understand a thing the kid says. Howard said that he was working on questions for this guy for hours. He said they were all writing questions and editing them and then he goes out and does this. Howard said it was such a waste.
Howard played a few more seconds of the tape and laughed saying that's the tape they got back from Grillo. Howard said he can hear the call now where Grillo is saying he did exactly what he was supposed to do and it's not his fault.
Gary said that they set the recorder to what it was supposed to be set at and he must have touched something. He said they did have a camera crew following him so they will have audio from that later this week.
Howard said this reminds him of the prank calls Sal and Richard made to Tradio where they were over modulated. Howard played that clip and it did sound like the Grillo interviews.
Howard said you know how hard up they must be for calls on that show because they stuck with them. Howard played more of the call and said that Richard couldn't even believe that the guy was interacting with him.
Howard said there was another shooting in Phoenix about a week ago and someone called a news program and got in a ''Baba Booey.'' Howard played that one too. The caller told them that he was in this Baja Fresh place eating and he heard what was going on there and then the guy was yelling out ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Howard Stern's penis!'' The reporters said there is a lot of stupidity in this world and that's what can happen during a live news report. Howard said they should check their sources before taking calls like that. He said it's never the right time for those calls on those shows.
Howard said Joey Boots got one in on some electronics show on MSNBC. Howard played that clip where Boots got in that ''Baba Booey'' and ''Howard Stern's penis'' during a live report.
Howard played a clip of Tim answering about the schedule and he just says ''It is what it is...'' and that it's a ''work in progress.'' He had no answers for any of these questions that the fans were asking. Howard played a couple of those clips and Tim was saying the same basic thing about any questions he got. ''it is what it is.''
Howard played his answer about the schedule and said that it is what it is. Howard wondered why he subjected himself to that. He said that he didn't seem to answer one thing on that show.
Tim came in and said that he didn't want to answer questions. He wanted to hear what the fans wanted to hear on the channels. He said one of the things they did come up with was to rerun the hour long shows throughout the day. He said they had an idea for a game show and things like that. He said a couple of ideas came out of it. Tim said they got a lot of great ideas for the channels by doing that show. Tim said he hates being on the radio. Howard said he does not. He said Program Directors love being on radio. Howard said pig Virus used to do ''Ask the Program director'' and he loved it.
Sal came in and said the video is really gross. He said that even he was grossed out by it. Howard said he doubts that. Sal said the first thing this guy does is stick two fingers in this girl. Howard thought that was wrong. Sal said she then gets something else stuck in her and the guy is vibrating her. He said she looks kind of like Gwyneth Paltrow too. Sal said the guy sticks two fingers up her ass. Howard said he bets that Benjy would marry that chick.
Howard asked why he thought she was enjoying it. Sal said that it just seemed like she was. He said her eyes rolled into the back of her head at the end of the video.
Howard spent a little more time talking about the homeless radio guy again. Howard said that they knew something had to be wrong with that guy. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how Katy must have the formula down for hit songs. He said she keeps having one hit after another. He said he heard that she doesn't write the songs though. Fred said that's the way it works a lot these days. Howard said she seems to be able to turn them into hits. Howard said that she must be singing about him.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric and how he choreographed that Mariann from Brooklyn Baba Booey attack on FOX 5. Steve said that Eric directed her on when to go and do it.
Steve said that High Pitch jumped the gun a bit when they said they might give him a show. Eric was emailing people as being ''Eric from the Howard Stern Show.''
Steve said that they have a series of photos of Howard in a racing helmet from 31 years ago. Howard said he's told Robin about that like 100 times on the air. He said he had to go out and race Doug Podell who said he was going to beat him. Howard said he didn't give a fuck about the race. He said he got in the car and casually went around the track while Doug went around at top speed. Howard said that was such a waste of his time.
Howard said there was another time he had to go up to Toronto and dress like he was from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He said he did that and got yelled at. He said that he went to the show and then got pelted with eggs. Howard asked Steve if he could see the pictures. Howard saw them and said he weighed about 80 pounds and still had a belly back then. He said that belly is always there. He said it must be genetic. Howard said he's so ugly in those pictures. He said it's no wonder he was a stranger to pussy. He told Steve to throw those out and never let them see the light of day.
Steve said that one of the dogs from the band Caninus had to be put to sleep. Howard played some of that band's music. He said they were huge. The dog's name was Basil.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the subjects they were going to discuss on today's show. That led to them talking about the lack of respect for Gary around there. Gary blames Howard for that. Howard said he wants everyone around there to give him respect. Gary said that won't work either. Sal was out in the hall taunting Gary in his Gary mask.
Howard played a clip of a reporter doing a horseback riding segment and screaming like a girl as the horse was hopping around. The other reporters were laughing at him after he did that. He replayed the clip a couple of times.
Robin read about Denise Richards and how she tried dating Nikki Sixx but they've already broken up. Robin said they say it's not that big of a deal to them since they were already banging. Howard said he was a fuck buddy of her's. Howard said that she would show up just about naked and he'd fuck the shit out of her and then she'd leave. That's what she basically told them on the show when she was on a little while back. Howard said he would ask her out if he was single. He said Nikki doesn't look that good these days so he thinks he'd have a shot.
Robin said they say that women in their 40s are willing to have sex on their first date more than women in their 20s. That's according to a study that was done.
Gary said he had a few clips for Howard to play that were similar to that news reporter screaming like a girl. Howard had one where a weatherman freaks out about a bug crawling on his leg and he sounds like a girl screaming. Then Howard played a clip of a news woman screaming after she fell from a platform while stomping on grapes. Howard had another one of Scott DePace seeing a gopher on the golf course and screaming real quick. He played that one quickly too.
Robin got back to her news and read that Verizon may be announcing that they're going to be selling the iPhone this week. Howard said that everyone hates AT&T because they officially suck. Howard read an article about how Consumer Reports did a survey about cell carriers and they found that they suck. Robin said they claim that it's a data problem because the iPhone is using so much data bandwidth. Howard said that Verizon works fine. Robin said they'll have to see how it goes when Verizon gets it.
Howard said that Gary and Jon Hein were out in Las Vegas for CES and they were checking out some of the tablets there. He said that Jon tells him that the Blackberry Playbook is cool but they hide the fact that you can't do email on it unless you have a Blackberry. Jon said that it has to be tethered to the phone. He said if you don't have a Blackberry then you can't do it. Robin said that he'd have his phone with him all the time. Howard said he doesn't want to have to carry two. He said that's just stupid. Robin said if he's in his house he'd have the phone on him. Howard said it's ridiculous that you'd have to carry your phone with the tablet. Robin didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal.
Howard said someone in the business told him about this Honeycomb is coming out in February. Jon said that's actually the next version of Android and it's going to be in this thing called a Xoom. Howard said that all he knows is that it's confusing but exciting at the same time. Howard said he wants to get into this tablet but he needs one he can use.
Jon told Howard that the Blackberry tablet looks great. He said that they're all about secure email and they don't connect to an email server. He said it's a nice piece of hardware. Robin said that if you're a Blackberry user then it's not that big of a deal. Howard said it is for him. Gary said he gets what Howard is saying because he may want to bring the tablet out to the pool and he isn't going to bring the phone out there. Robin said that you can't read those things out by the pool.
Robin read a story about how Harry Potter and Mickey Mouse are battling it out for being more popular. Robin said that the hottest commodity today is Harry Potter Wizard Wands. Howard said that he'd like that. Robin said they have lines at the store for merchandise for Harry Potter.
Robin said that there will be cars that drive themselves in the future. Howard said he likes these cars that can park themselves. Robin said they have this one car that rolls on two wheels and it works like a Segway. Robin said it's a dynamically balanced skateboard. She read some details about that car.
Howard read some email about Robin's new internet show Vegucating Robin. He also said he had some people saying they wanted the Wrap Up Show back on Howard TV. He said that will happen this year. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read about Howard K. Stern's conviction in the Anna Nicole Smith case. Howard thought that was overturned. Robin said that they can't just overturn the conviction. Howard asked if anyone there knew what he was talking about. Benjy said that he was reading a headline that said it was overturned. Robin said her story must be old then. Howard didn't understand how that could work where they just overturn something like that. They spent a couple of minute going over that story trying to figure out what was going on.
Robin read a story about the attempted assassination of Congresswoman Giffords. Robin said they found a letter that outlined what the shooter was going to do. Robin said they found the suspect's signature on the paper. Howard said he's glad his name isn't Jared Loughner. He said he's sure that he'll be found insane and they won't lock him up in prison. Howard said the guy had to fuck this chick up. Robin said that the doctors think that she may be alright after that. Howard thinks that she'll have some kind of limp or a droopy face or something at the very least. He said her life is ruined. Howard said that this guy Loughner should be given the death penalty. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how the bullet went through just one side of the brain so that will make it easier for her to get through this.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how crazy things are in Arizona. Howard said he knows about that because he was there and he saw those guys with the guns in their car.
Robin got back to her news and read about Sarah Palin's crosshairs map that has been discussed lately. Robin said that Giffords had spoken out against that map when it came out. Robin had some audio of Giffords talking about that. Giffords said there are consequences to actions like that. Howard said that Palin is deeply offended by everything but she's got a web site with gun sights on it with this woman's name on it. He said Palin should be locked up. Robin said that Palin has an explanation for all of this. Howard said she should take her web site down. He said she's an idiot and a fucknut. Robin said they're saying that it's a surveyor's mark and not a gun sight. Howard said she's nuts. Howard said she's such a liar they should lock her up just for that comment.
King of All Blacks called in and told Howard that he has a place where they have size 14 Burberry boots. He didn't want to give out the web site. Howard told him to give Gary the info off the air. Howard said King is awesome.
Robin said that they've canceled Sarah Palin's TV show. Howard said that Palin is sickening and so is the whole Tea Party. He's glad that her show got canceled. Robin read about how John Boehner was talking about how this attack will not stop them from doing their duty. Howard wondered why he wasn't crying in the clip Robin had him play. He said anyone who cries that much has to be mentally ill.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's so glad Howard is back. She said that she had some news about Tucson and how they're pretty liberal there but the rest of the state is conservative. Howard said that's the way it is in New York too. He said that most of New York is liberal except in Upstate New York. He and the caller spent a short time talking about how whacked out some of these people are.
Robin read more about this shooting and about the people who are speaking out about it. Robin had some quotes from a few people who were commenting. Robin said that the mother of the 9 year old who was shot dead was speaking out. Robin said that the 9 year old had just been elected to the student government in her school and she wanted to learn more about how things work. Howard said she learned that politics attracts all of the nuts out there.
Robin read about True Grit being number one at the box office. Robin said it's the first Western to be number one since the early 1990s. Howard said the movie is very good. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and the original movie. Howard said that the movie was great even with the goofy cast they had back then. He said the new one is really good too.
Robin read about David Beckham and Posh Spice are expecting another child. Howard said that must freak her out. He said she's so skinny. Robin said she's had 3 already. This will be their fourth. Howard said the kids must be good looking with parents like that.
Robin said they spoke to ''Seth Green'' last week so Howard had to correct her on that. It was Seth Rogen. Robin had some clips from Cameron Diaz who was talking about working in ''The Green Hornet.'' Howard said he liked her in ''Knight and Day.'' He said he had real chemistry with her while he was watching that movie. He said he can't stand that she's fucking A-Rod though. He said that makes him sick. Howard said he wishes that she wouldn't fuck A-Rod. Robin had a clip of Cameron talking about how Seth is always laughing so Howard said that's because he's always high. He said he's always baked. They had a clip of Seth's laughing from when he was on the show last week. Howard said that wasn't that great of a thing to say about him. Cameron said that Seth is very special. Howard said ''So are retarded people.'' Howard said poor Seth doesn't get any respect.
Robin had some audio of Jennifer Connelly talking about working with Vince Vaughn in a movie. Howard played that one and Fred played the Seth Rogen clips again. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:10am.
Jon read more of the stuff that they were going to cover and mentioned the King of All Blacks call about the shoes. Gary said that King was wrong about them having the shows in Howard's size. He said King may call in later to talk about that.
They also talked about Steve Grillo's failed interviews and how that may have been his last chance. Gary said that things were a pain in the ass with him and he thinks that might have been his last shot.
Jon went over a few more subjects they were going to cover today. They ended up talking to Benjy for a minute about what he said about Robin and Lisa G not being marriage material for him. Benjy said that he is sexually attracted to Lisa. He said he doesn't think that he'd be happy in a marriage with her as he would be with another woman. He said that Robin has a playful side that he likes but on air she can be very negative. He said she seems to put people down. Benjy said he likes Richard Christy's fiancee and Jim McClure's girlfriend. He said he can imagine being married to someone like that.
Jon asked Benjy who else he'd be interested in. Benjy said that he liked Marilu Henner when she called in the other day. He said that Lisa seems to be a little judgmental. Jon said that no one is lining up to marry Benjy either. Gary said they used to line up to fuck him.
Jon asked Benjy about his sweat first thing this morning. Gary said he was drenched even though it was 26 degrees outside. Benjy said he does a little exercise before he comes in. Gary said he used to not be able to wake up but now he's exercising before work. Benjy said he's not a sweater most of the time. Gary said he is sweaty a lot. Benjy said that it's always when he first gets there. Doug Goodstein said that he looks like a fish out of water when he gets there. Benjy had him touch him and there was like grease on his hand when he wiped. Doug said there was a coating of grease on his hand.
Then they had Jim swab his head with a tissue. Jim said there was no sweat. There was a little bit of face grease but nothing horrible. Gary wanted to get out of the vortex and said that Benjy does sweat more than most people there. Benjy said he sweats from spicy food. Jon said his face is moist when he gets there so that's what they're talking about.
Gary said when Benjy gets there in the morning he looks like he just ran through the airport. Benjy said that he runs to work so he sweats. He said some of it is from the shower too. Jon went to break after that.
Gary said he thinks that Doug likes having access to Howard and he likes getting that face time with him. Benjy said he likes getting credit. He said that Doug might see something in the article that Gary doesn't so that's why he might do that. Gary said that everyone is going to see something different. Benjy said he's just saying that might be the motivation for what people do. Jon said that Gary might have a better handle on that stuff and he might bring that person into the studio to give it to Howard.
Doug said that he had the article in his hand and he saw that Gary was already done talking to Howard so he handed it to him. Gary said that it's also about timing and he may want to save something for the next day or something like that. He tries to regulate the way things go on the show.
Gary said that he and JD feed Howard the clips that Howard wants to hear. He said that Jon has articles and stuff that he might give to him even if he's standing next to him in the studio. Jon doesn't hand them directly to Howard.
Jon said that Doug was saying he wanted to have a meeting with Howard during the show. He was just half joking around though. Doug said he has no desire to meet with Howard during the show. He said he did want to tell Howard about what they were doing during the commercial breaks with Howard TV. He said he didn't ask for a meeting with him. He said he was just making sure Howard was comfortable with what they were doing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they could run the Wrap Up Show until noon like it used to. Gary said some days they don't have 2 hours of material. The caller said he thinks they do. He said that the show is smooth and they could go until Noon. Gary said that he appreciates the kind words but he doesn't think they could go another hour.
The caller also said that Gary claims that he's being disrespected on the show but he is Baba Booey after all. Gary said that he isn't that person off the air though. The caller said that he blamed his sleeping on the other guys. Gary said he took responsibility for that and didn't blame them. He said that he said what he did was wrong but he was blaming them for turning on him.
Another caller said that he thinks keeping the show short is a good idea. The guy asked if Sal and Richard are doing anything because he hasn't heard anything new lately. Gary said they have been more active in the new year. Howard played a bunch of new stuff last week.
The caller also gave Gary some advice on how to handle the people who disrespect him there. Gary asked the guy how he would handle the Doug situation there. The caller said that he should sit Doug down for a couple of minutes and go over and over it until he's sick of hearing it. He said that repeating it over and over annoys him until he is sick of hearing it.
Jon asked Gary what he would do about Tim. Gary said he's not sure because Tim is technically his boss. He said that he goes into the studio even after Howard has told him to stay out.
Another caller said that Gary is a great radio host. He asked if he would leave the Stern Show if someone offered him $20 million to do another radio show. Gary said that he is loyal but not stupid so he would do a show like that for $20 million or even $10 million. He said he thinks that even Howard would tell him to take the job. Gary said those numbers are numbers that he can't resist. Gary said Robert Schimmel had a great joke about the guy who fought Mike Tyson for $20 million. He said Schimmel said he'd blow Tyson for that kind of money.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard used to be non-stop bitchy and moody and it was so funny. He said it's hard to figure out the dynamic there in the office because it's kind of based on Howard's mood. He said it must be hard to play that. Gary said there is some truth to that. He said on any other day it might have been okay for Doug to bring that article to Howard. Benjy said Doug is going to be under the microscope about going in the studio.
Another caller said that he thinks the show should go longer than 11. He said even if they went 10 or 15 minutes later it would be cool. Gary said they have fun doing the show but they have to stick to a schedule. He said they're trying to keep the schedule on time so that's what they're going for by ending it at 11. Gary said it's all about consistency. The caller said the show is the second best on all of radio. Gary said he likes that people want more instead of telling them to get the fuck off the air.
Another caller said that Gary is the boss during the show and Tim isn't the boss. Gary said if Howard has told Tim not to come in, why does he think that Tim would listen to him. The caller said he's not sure about that. He said they have to work that stuff out. They took another break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Grillo should change his name to Jackie Martling Jr. since he left that job there. He also said that Seth Rogen sounded kind of like Gary the Retard with that laugh of his. Gary said he thinks it's a goofy laugh and the laugh of a guy who likes pot.
The caller said it seems like terrestrial radio thinking when Tim wants to end the show at a certain time. He said that they do a great job and they want more and more of the Wrap Up Show. Gary said they just started with the new hours and they could have gone longer but there are days when they don't have the material. He said that he'll talk to Tim about it and maybe they will go until they're done.
Jon took another call from Lilly who asked if they have anything special for Howard's birthday. Gary said he was working on some stuff but nothing panned out. Lilly asked if they think Howard is starving himself to death. Gary said he doesn't think it's that bad but people would kill to be that thin. Lilly said that he seems to be obsessed with food. Gary said that he's on the supermodel diet with Beth right now. Lilly said she thinks that it's his OCD. She said that he's obsessed with food and he wakes up in the middle of the night starving. She said he has to eat more. She had to run because her baby was crying. She said she loves JD as she was hanging up.
Another caller said that he wanted to talk about the respect thing and Gary. He said that Howard is God and Gary is Jesus on radio. He said that he wouldn't pay much attention to anyone who doesn't show much respect. Gary said he doesn't feel that Doug is disrespecting him.
Jon asked Doug about what he was saying earlier about Howard giving him mixed messages. Doug said some days he's in a different mood and he might be okay with the article. He said that on another day he will take it and say it's great. Jon asked Gary how he reads Howard's mood. Gary said he doesn't know how to answer that. He said it's something you just know.
Benjy said that Doug knew that he wasn't supposed to do what he did. Doug said he didn't know that. He said he knows it now though. Gary told Doug to stay away from Benjy and Fred too. He just wanted to be sure he knew that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Lilly is so annoying and she'd like them to stop taking calls from her. Gary said if her topics weren't interesting then they'd stop taking the calls. The caller said that she doesn't believe that she's got some famous husband and she can't show her picture. The caller, Jen, said that she'd send in her picture. She said that Lilly is horrible and they're just being sucked in by her voice. Gary said that if some of those topics were brought up by someone else then they might not pick up. Jon said that she's got topics that are good for the show.
Jon asked Jen if she thinks that Howard is obsessed with his food. She doesn't think that's it. He's just trying to stay thin and that's what some people like to do. She told Gary she really likes him and she has his book. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about some stories in the paper he was reading. He said he saw that Andy Dick is up to his antics again. He also saw Natalie Portman in the paper and said that she's really gorgeous. Robin said she's very small though. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he dated some short women and he was able to lift them off their feet while he was having sex. He said you can pick them up and move them around. Howard said she's a beauty but she's pregnant. Robin said she's married to some Choreographer. Howard said that sounds very gay but he knows there are some straight dancers. Howard said there are some on Dancing with the Stars. He talked about one guy on the show who seems to be a real dick but he's getting laid.
Howard said that Cameron Diaz and A-Rod are in the paper and it pisses him off that he's getting her. Howard said he thinks he should be with Beth and Cameron. He said she seems like a fun gal.
Howard read about how Andy Dick was thrown out of the Adult Video News awards. He said they're happy to see anyone with a legitimate career show up there and even they couldn't put up with his antics. Howard read about what was going on out there.
Howard read about a couple of porn stars who were getting ready for the awards back stage when Andy showed up. Howard said Andy seems as gay as can be but he does bang chicks. Howard read about how he may have been intoxicated. One of the girls told him to leave her alone. Andy followed her into another room and that happened 3 or 4 more times. He had a cup of beer that he kept spilling and security eventually dragged him out of there.
Howard said Andy was living in the tool shed at his ex-wife's house. Robin said someone said that was a hoax. Gary saw it in person and he said that's no hoax. He said that he was really living in that shed. There's another person living in a trailer on the same property. Robin said that it's weird how the wife is putting up with all of that after thinking she was going to have this nice home to live in. Howard said she must like it in some way. He said she'd just kick him out of she didn't want it.
Howard said this guy Jared Lee Loughner is the guy who shot and killed a bunch of people at a Gabrielle Giffords gathering. Howard read a little bit of this article but ended up talking about guns and how this kid went into a Walmart just to buy bullets and they turned him away. Howard said even they saw he was fuckin' crazy. Howard read about how he was able to go out and get them at another Walmart. Howard said they must be able to see that the guy is whacked out in some way. He said they need some kind of checks and balances for buying handguns. Howard said that the guns are just too easy to conceal. He said there has to be a way to screen people.
Howard said in Arizona they're trying to get a law going where you can bring a gun into a bar. He said that's where people are most looney. Howard said some people will argue that they could have shot this guy if they had a gun on them. Howard said that the guy who subdued Jared was going to shoot him but he was able to hold him down instead.
Howard read about Loughner's parents and how they didn't show up in court. He read that the neighbors compare them to the Addams Family.
Howard said that he, Robin and Fred took psychological tests after the show. Howard said that some of the questions were true and false and they were kind of whacked out. He said that they were pretty straightforward questions.
Howard read more about the family and said that the father is known as a prick but the mother is as nice as can be. Howard said that is kind of like the Addams Family. He said he likes that all of this is in the NY Post. Howard read about how they don't put up decorations at Christmas and leave the lights out on Halloween. Howard said he applauds that.
Howard said that Jared had some kind of shrine at the house. He had a skull there and it looked like a sacrificed alter. Howard said it was probably an animal head that he had in there. He said that's what a lot of serial killers do. Robin said that he's probably a mass murderer, not a serial killer.
Howard said he was taking that test yesterday and he was getting angry with Robin. He said he knows that there's something wrong with her for traveling so much overseas. Howard said he made the psychologist take out her test to see if she answered in a certain way. Howard said Robin is always going away and there's a frantic quality to her. Robin said that's not the reason they ask that question. She said they're asking to find out if you're delusional. Howard said that Robin has gone back and forth 30 times. Robin said she did not. Robin said she didn't take that many trips last year. Howard said she went to California a bunch of times. Robin said it wasn't that many times. Howard said she's a liar.
Howard said there was another question on the test about having many periods in your life where you're so happy you use up energy that brings you to a low mood. Howard said that Robin had to have answered that true. Robin said she has never done that. Howard said she has told him that she has been. Howard said he was complaining about Robin's test during his test. He said that the psychologist was saying that they were all doing that.
Howard said that they were all raving about how cute the psychologist is. Howard said he was supposed to take the test during Benjy's time but he got to be in the room alone with her. Howard said they all took the evaluations to see the results on the air. He said that they were all obsessing with her. He said he heard that Benjy was staring at her like a maniac. Howard said they had to tell him to calm down.
Benjy said he felt that she was really taken with Howard. He saw the way they were talking to each other. Benjy said he felt that Howard would think that he's being plotted against by people but Howard said he doesn't think that at all. Howard said that he was asked if he was on several magazine covers and he said that he may have been. They ask to make sure you're not delusional. He said they understand who is taking the test.
Howard said if Ronnie comes out of that test with any sort of normalcy then there's something wrong. Howard said Ronnie is not normal. He said he couldn't pass a police psychological test.
Benjy asked about a question they had about being rough on family to keep them in line. Howard said he's too soft actually. He said that he's a pushover. Howard said he used to be very controlling years ago but he's not anymore. Howard said he's pretty sure that Ronnie has had a shrine in his backyard.
Howard said he thinks that Fred might be a little crazy too. Howard said there has to be something up with him. Howard said he heard Fred yelling at the top of his lungs in the room so he thought it was a verbal test. Howard said he heard Robin and Fred yelling and it was a loud dialog. He said that he was told to go in and write down his answers so he said he thought that they were verbal answers. Fred was actually just having fun with his test when Howard heard him.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks that he has two topics that he can use to make grand slam radio. He said that he loves when he goofs on Gary and when he does his parents impression. That got Howard going again with the impression of his parents.
The caller told Howard that he was at the McCartney concert and saw him there. Howard said he didn't see many subscribers there that night. He said he saw a lot of celebrities. The caller said he saw Ralph there and took a picture with him.
Howard said that Ralph is gay. He said he was over to help him out with his wardrobe the other day and he was out of his mind. He said that he wasn't at work after the 1st of the year because he was on vacation. He said that Ralph didn't know if he had a deal in place or not. Howard said they did renew Howard TV and Ralph could have assumed it was going to be there. Howard said he should have been there on that Monday. He said he didn't have to be there from the 16th on. Howard said the guy is psychologically ill. Howard said he's so ill that he couldn't show up to work. Howard said Ralph had two weeks off and he didn't show up to work.
Howard said Ralph could have been the one calling around looking for the Burberry boots that he was looking for.
Howard said Ralph told him that he hadn't heard about this Piers Morgan appearance he's making. Ralph said he has to think about what he's going to wear so he has to know about it sooner. Howard said that he's not doing it until Thursday so he's not sure why it's a problem. He said that the appearance is on Thursday and he was wondering if he should be there or not. Howard said he's just going to put the clothes on and go do the interview. Howard said Ralph helps out with the camera angles and things like that too but he used to ask for so much money to do that. Howard said that people turn into $2,000 an hour people when they show up to these things. Howard said that he told Ralph if he wants to come he can come but he doesn't have to.
Howard said that Ralph was freaking out about how he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to pick out clothes for him. Howard said he was going to give Ralph 25 minutes to pick stuff out and he'd come back and check out what he's prepared. He said Ralph told him again that he had to give him more advance notice. Howard said he figured he'd wear a suit since it's Piers' first week. He said that it shouldn't be that tough to pick out some stuff. He said he was going to wear a watch and a ring and that was it. Maybe a bracelet. Howard said he's not sure what the big deal was.
Howard said he told Ralph he must be a queen based on the way he was acting. Howard said he gave him 25 minutes to pick something out and it was fine when he saw it. Howard said he should tell Ralph as soon as he tells him about it. He said he just figured he'd see him on Monday and he'd get it done then. He said that he could wear the same thing to every show. He doesn't care that much. Howard said Ralph asked what other appearances he's making since he's hearing rumors. Howard said he's doing Letterman in February too. Howard said Ralph wanted to know what day it was. Howard said it's February so he has plenty of time.
Howard said he told Ralph that he might be gay because of the behavior. Howard said he's like a queen or a diva. Howard said Ralph says he's not gay. Howard told him it's okay and he still insists that he's not gay. Howard said Ralph carries on so much. Howard said that he tells Ralph not to carry on so much.
Howard said he's had Ralph at these things before and he demands these ridiculous fees to do them. He said he's willing to give him a couple hundred bucks but not 2 grand.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ralph is like a high priced whore with that 2 grand. He also wanted to talk about how easy it is to sell a gun in Arizona. He said all he needs to see is a driver's license and he can sell a gun to anyone. Howard said that the caller is right and it's too easy. Howard said they don't have to do away with guns but they shouldn't let every whacko get a gun. Howard said this kid got a gun so easy and maybe if they had some screening process then he wouldn't be able to get one.
The caller said they used to have laws about not being able to bring a gun into a bar but they're trying to get rid of that. Howard said that's the insanity of Arizona. The caller said it's like the wild west out there. Howard told the story about going hitchhiking on his day off from camp out there once and a couple of guys picked him up and showed him their guns. Howard said he was with his friend Andrea and they pulled off to the side of the road and just shot up cactus and stuff. Howard said it was crazy.
Howard said the restaurant was called Rogue Tomat. He said it was on 60th Street. Robin said she's never been there. Howard said it was good.
Howard said he's going to dinner again tonight. He said people have been asking him to go out so he figured he'd do it. Howard said he figured he'd get home early but that never happens.
Howard said Beth takes their dog out to Long Island to get her care. They have a great doctor out there. Howard asked what the kidney transplant is going to cost. Robin said it's supposed to be $15,000. Howard laughed. He asked how old the cat is. Robin said the cat is 6. Howard said he was just imagining the email he was going to get about Robin spending 15 grand on a kidney transplant. Howard asked if the cat is on dialysis. Robin said she's not but she did hear that they do that for cats now. She said the cat is an angel and she's worried. Robin said she has to adopt the cat that they get the kidney from too. Howard said that's good for Robin.
Robin said she had lunch with Mel Karmazin yesterday and he was saying that he wishes that they'd charge her $30,000 so she could pay for someone else's operation. Howard said Robin is a good person. Howard said it's funny how you wouldn't pay for a person's kidney transplant but she will do it for her cat.
Gary came in and told Howard how he talked to King and how he was just trying to get to the bottom of what was going on. Gary said that King was on the phone with the wind blowing into his Bluetooth headset and he was yelling so he told him to stop yelling. He said he likes King and he was in the middle of the show trying to do stuff when he was making these calls. He said they were live at the time and he didn't have time to chat with King.
Howard asked Gary what's going on with his moustache. Gary said he hasn't changed anything in a really long time. Howard said it looks weird. Gary said it's been the same for 2 years. Howard said there's a side piece that kind of curls around and it looks really weird. He told Gary to go shave.
Howard said there's another really weird thing going on around there. He had to take a break before they talk about that.
Robin asked about who took the psychological test. Howard said it was Robin, Fred, Benjy, Steve Langford and him. They spent a minute talking about that and Robin's flying too. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he wished they had played that song at WNBC. He had talked it up like he was at NBC. Howard said that the whole Van Halen thing is nutty. He said that they can't get along with David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar... or anyone else. Howard said they keep going around and a around with singers and it's nuts. Robin said she heard that Eddie was at Valerie Bertinelli's wedding. Howard said that's nuts too. Howard liked that she got into shape after she left Eddie.
Howard said that Little Mikey sent in some new songs about Robin. He said he was just listening to them. He said that he might be feeling behind with the Psych songs. Howard said that Gary keeps telling him that Mikey is looking for a job there. Howard said he told Gary to get him hired so they can have him doing the song parodies and doing some editing and stuff. Howard said he's pretty sure he'd be okay with it as long as he passes a psychological test.
Howard said that there are some crazy things going on there. He said they have a hot intern working there and someone said that it was Tim's niece. Howard said working there is crazy because this girl was offered an internship at the Cosmo channel and they told her that they made a mistake and they weren't ready for her for another month. Tim got her the internship there instead. Howard said now they're saying that Tim calls her his niece and it's really just a close friend. Howard said that's weird. He said if it's his niece then it's fine but if she's not then it's just weird. Howard said it should be against the rules to call her his niece.
Howard asked Tim what's up with that. Tim wasn't around. Gary said he doesn't think that he's in yet. Howard said he heard that she's just a close friend of the family. The intern came in so Howard asked her why he calls her his niece. She said that she's like his niece. She said that her name is Brooke. Howard asked Brooke about her internship and what happened with the Cosmo channel. She said that the dates got messed up.
Tim showed up so he came in and gave a quick answer about why he calls her his niece. Tim said that their families are very close and they grew up together. Howard said Tim is 100 and this girl is 20. Tim kept walking out. Howard told Tim to stick around.
Howard asked how he knows this girl. Tim said the families are friends and they're very close. Howard told Tim to calm down and answer his question. Howard asked how he knows Brooke. Tim said that her uncle is a close friend of his. He said he knows her parents well too. Howard said that she's never called him uncle Tim but he's calling her his niece. Howard asked if it feels weird that he's calling her his niece. Brooke said that they spend the holidays together so he really is like an uncle. Tim said that they're always together so they get along very well. He said that if they knew the whole situation then they'd understand. Tim said it's just the way it is. He said they've been through the good times and the bad times together. Tim was on his way out the door again.
Howard asked Brooke about what happened with Cosmo. She lives in Texas and they told her to come up there and start her internship there. She said that they told her days before she started that she wasn't going to start until the end of the month. She said that she's got the internship there instead so she's okay with that. Howard asked why she's not in college. She said she's getting credit for this so it's great.
Howard said he didn't have anything like that when he was in college. Howard asked how she's supporting herself. She said she makes cupcakes on the side and sells them. That's how she made some of that money. Howard asked how much she can make doing that. She said she did well enough to live there for a month. Brooke said that they must be good. Brooke said she used to sell them in the shop she used to work in. She would sell them by the dozen and she made some good money doing that. Howard said that's very industrious.
Howard thanked Brooke for coming in after that. Robin said that Brooke just said she's from Texas so she's not sure how they spend time together all the time. Howard said that's a weird situation. He said that she seems very nice though.
Howard asked Tim to come back in and explain. He said he doesn't mean to be suspicious but he's curious. Howard asked Tim how he knows this girl. Tim said he had neighbors in Philly who he knew for 15 years. He said they celebrate holidays together and she'd come home for the holidays. He said that his kids call her family too. He said they've all adopted each other and that's why this is the way it is. Tim said her uncle passed and he did the eulogy so they spend a lot of time together. Tim said he sees her at every family gathering and funeral and everything else. Howard said that's weird. Tim said he didn't start it, it just happened that way.
Howard said this is the last place he's bring a family member. Tim said he was just trying to help since they left her hanging with the Cosmo channel. Howard said that he bets JD is putting the moves on her already. Gary said the guys were joking around if she has met Uncle Tim's assistant Jared yet. Howard said she looks kind of like Jennifer Beals.
Lisa said they have a story about Steve Grillo and got his reaction about how he may not be doing interviews anymore. Grillo is blaming a P.A. from Howard TV who taped the recorder to the camera while he was doing the interviews. Lisa said that he didn't want to keep checking the levels and he was busy doing the interviews. Howard said that it's easy come, easy go for Grillo. Grillo says he wants another chance to hit a home run with some more interviews. Robin asked where the first home run was. Howard played some of Grillo's interviews where they were all over modulated. Howard laughed as he played that.
Lisa said they have a story about Lisa Lampanelli who hosted the AVN awards this weekend. She said that Andy Dick showed up in her dressing room and had to be kicked out of there too. She has tape of it so they're trying to get a hold of that. Howard said he'd like to hear that. Howard said he's a real train wreck. Howard said he had a decent career going for a while.
Lisa said that the top 10 finalists in the Regis and Kelly thing have been picked and Chris Booker will not be one. Howard said it turns out the producers picked the people they wanted in the top 10. Howard said that Booker wanted this so badly and their votes didn't even count. Howard said that's bogus. Howard said Booker told him to thank the audience for wanting to vote for him. Howard said that Booker will be Ryan Seacrest some day. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he likes that the radio industry was too stressful for that homeless radio guy. Howard said he must have had some life. Howard made fun of him talking to his ''mommy'' in that clip he played yesterday. Howard said he wanted to hear it again. He tried to find it in the system. He said radio is such a fucked up medium. He said this guy is getting a job just because they found him out on the street. He said there are guys like Booker working their asses off in radio and this guy gets a job.
Howard played the clip of the homeless guy, Ted Williams, seeing his mom after 30 years and saying ''Hi Mommy!'' Howard said he has to stop with that horse shit. Howard laughed as he was listening to the guy saying ''mommy'' over and over. Howard said that Oprah should give him a job so he can go hang out with her fat producers. Howard figured he was going to get a reality show. Howard said you have to be an immense shit head to be on a reality show so he seems to fit the bill.
Robin figured he'd figure out a way to mess things up eventually. Howard said that the guy could have gone home to visit his mom anytime in that 30 years. Howard said the guy was bragging about the shirt he was wearing just like Gary did in that take me back tape. Howard said that he should be proud of that.
Howard goofed on the guy for a couple of minutes and asked Robin about what the prodigal son thing meant. Robin had explained it yesterday and said she wasn't quite sure of the exact meaning but it was like the bad son who had gone away and came back.
JD told Howard he had another clip for him to play. It was the homeless guy doing a Kraft commercial for Macaroni and Cheese. Howard played that commercial and the guy is pretty good at what he does. Howard said there's no doubt in his mind that the guy could have been working all these years. Howard said he figures this won't all end very well. He said there's a disaster in the wings. Howard said he figures something's about to happen. Howard said that Kraft should send the money to the 9 kids that the guy has.
Howard read more about the guy and said he's sure this guy is going to get out of jail. He said that they'll say he's insane and let him out.
Howard said that they say that Lougner's dad had barricaded himself in his house. The cops had to pound on the barricade to get into the house to get in there to search the home. Howard said they say that Jared left some messages with his friends about how they had good times together and said ''peace out.'' Howard read about how Loughner had a grudge against this Giffords woman after something she had said back in 2007.
Howard read some more details about Loughner's wacky behavior and what people were saying about him. There were people who had turned him in for doing weird things and they weren't able to do anything about it. One woman said that she thinks that he was staring at her through a window for 30 minutes once but she's not sure it was him. Howard said he's pretty sure it was this guy.
Howard read about some of the trouble Loughner did get into. He read about how he bought the ammo at a Walmart. Howard said things get nuttier and nuttier. Howard said they thought he was dangerous but his friends thought he was a role model. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Johnny Weir come in. Howard said that Johnny is one of the best skaters in the world. Johnny came in and Howard said he sees him on TV all the time. He said he's a handsome man. Johnny said he was all made up in make up for Howard. He said that he did a natural man make up for him.
Howard said he knows very little about figure skating but it seems to be the worst sport to go into. Howard said it's such a subjective thing to be judged by these judges. Howard said they found out that this one judge was on the take in 2002. He said that Johnny goes out to do a routine and he knows he killed it but then the judges come back with a shitty score. Johnny said that it's all political. He said there were lots of things that come into it and it's unfortunate that they don't give him the scores. He said that he has to just bend over and take it.
Howard said he likes chess because he knows when he wins. He said it's the same thing about radio and ratings so he knows that he won. Howard asked Johnny about horseback riding and how he was doing that competitively too. Howard said that Johnny's family picked up and moved so he could train for horseback riding. His family didn't have a lot of money. Johnny said that he's from a tiny village in Pennsylvania. Howard said his family moved and a year later he gave up on the horseback riding. Johnny said he got into figure skating after that and they didn't know how it was going to work. He said he didn't know if he was going to enjoy it. He said people told him he should learn because he was good skating on the frozen corn field on his family's property.
Howard said he heard that Johnny learned how to do these stunts himself too. Johnny said that he did and he went on people telling him he had a natural gift. He said he got on the national team in the first year of skating.
Howard asked Johnny about the kind of money he can make doing this. Johnny said that they used to have a lot more money in it than they do now. He said he didn't get into it for the money though. Johnny said he knew that he was good at it but he didn't do it to just make money. He said he loves it and that's why he did it.
Howard asked Johnny if his parents told him that it was ridiculous that he was getting into it. He said his family was behind him but there were people out there telling them that he was out of his mind thinking that he was going to be successful.
Howard asked Johnny if he ever thought about studying accounting or something. Johnny said he's terrible with numbers. Howard asked if he was held back by the judges and maybe there was a conspiracy. Johnny said the judges are older and there is that generation gap. He said that there are also a lot of people who think that because he trained in Russia that he didn't deserve it. He said that he had people telling him what he was doing wrong and how he was being too flamboyant. Howard thought he was good for it by being flamboyant because it was like a Liberace thing. Robin said that they were talking about him a lot because of that. They would discuss what he might be wearing and things like that before he came out.
Howard asked Johnny if people thought he was ''too gay'' for the sport. Johnny said he thinks that there were some people like that. Howard said that they think it's bad for the sport. Johnny said he had a reality show and he thinks that he was brought there because they knew he'd bring in viewers.
Howard asked what it is about the sport that brings in gay people. Johnny said he fell in love with it because it was a sport and it's very difficult. He said that it's a refined talent but you get the pageantry of a show too. He said that combining all of that stuff is what drew him to it.
Howard asked Johnny how he was treated in school. He said he wasn't at school all that much. He said he was doing so much training that he had his own special schedule. He said it was like a full time job that he was doing at 12. Johnny said that you need to kind of have a closed off thing to be into something this much. He said he was very into it as a kid. He said that he took off a year from competition and he'd like to get back into it. He said he's actually been able to eat. He said he eats a salad and a piece of chicken that's not that big, just once a day. That's what he'd be eating during training. Howard said he must be burning a lot of calories when he's training so how can he get away with eating so little. Johnny said that it worked for him. He said he felt strong when he was doing that. Johnny said that he was trying to achieve an Olympic dream and giving up something makes you stronger. He said it's a weird mental game. He said that he's 5'9'' tall and only weighs 136 pounds. Johnny said you have to be light to be able to jump off the ground and do what they do.
Howard asked Johnny if he likes being able to eat normally now. Johnny said it's kind of scary. Howard heard that he's smoking now too. Johnny said he doesn't smoke on a regular basis. Howard said that would be nuts to smoke every day. Johnny agreed. Howard said that he's able to live a normal life in moderation now. He said that a lot of football players balloon up when they stop playing.
Johnny said that he's doing a lot of stuff now and he just had his song go to number one in Japan. He also has his book coming out today. That's called ''Welcome to My World.''
Johnny told Howard about how he wrote the book and how he had no ghost writer. He said he had a friend helping record him talking when he was too tired to type.
Howard asked if there is money in figure skating. Johnny said that you can't be a millionaire from it. He said there isn't that much money. He said they don't even get sponsors anymore. He said that if there was a sponsorship then he may not even get picked to be the one. Howard said that sounds like what happened to Martina Navratilova. He said that she was great but she didn't get sponsors because she was a lesbian.
Johnny said that everything he makes goes back into his art. He said he doesn't have a huge nest egg or anything. He said that he's got an agent who is very excited that he's there. Howard said he hopes his book sells. Howard gave him a plug for that. He'll be out signing copies of the book in New York City and Huntington Long Island this week.
Howard said that he must get guys coming up to him hitting on him and wanting to get in his pants. Johnny said that doesn't happen so much. Howard was surprised there wasn't more guys showing up at the book signing. Johnny said that the closest relationship he has is with his agent and she's married. He said he has friends on Facebook and things like that but he doesn't get hit on that much. Howard asked when he last got laid. Johnny said that it was back in August. Howard figured he was out getting it all over the place. Johnny said that's the misconception about gays.
Howard heard that Johnny and his friend have nicknames of Paris and Nikki for each other. He said he doesn't understand that. Johnny said that was a long time ago that they were into them. He said that he would love to have a close, loving relationship but he's too busy for that right now.
Howard asked Johnny about where he's living and found out he's in New Jersey but he can travel into the city no problem. Howard asked if his father was a hard ass or did he accept the homosexuality thing. Johnny said his father is very loving and he's very cool. He said that there have been times he's told him he's had too much cologne on and things like that. He said the only person he ever came out to was his mom. He said that she cried but she was upset that he wasn't going to have a happy life and it would be tough.
Howard asked Johnny what kind of names he was called. He said he got all of those Johnny Queer names and things like that. Howard asked if that's like getting punched in the face. Johnny said he's stronger than those people so they didn't bother him that much. Howard said that it had to get to him on some level. Johnny said he never cried over anyone calling him a name. Howard said maybe that was a denial. He said he knew he was gay at 6 years old. He didn't have any gay friends since he was from such a small town.
Johnny said he was 6 when he was watching ''Pretty Woman'' and he wanted to be Julia Roberts. That's when he knew he was gay.
Johnny saw that there was a Fleshlight in the studio. Gary said that Perez Hilton actually gave that to them. Howard told Johnny he could use it if he wanted. No one else had used it.
Howard asked Johnny about how he was treated in school. Johnny told Howard about the TV show Glee and how he can't relate to the gay character because he never had that. Howard said it sounds like he hasn't acted out on his gay relationships. Johnny said he had one when he was around 19. He said he was with him for a long time. Howard asked if he ever made out with anyone when he was a young kid. Johnny said that there was one guy who trained him who made out with him. He said he hated being gay so he had a girlfriend. Johnny said that he had kissed girls who were his friends. He said he got to see women's private parts too. He said that he would marry a woman too. He said he wouldn't be miserable either. He said he could have that relationship and he could have a guy on the side and she could have a guy on her side. He said he thinks that he could have that union with a woman.
Howard said that he has so many gay guys on the show who say they won't take it in their ass. He asked Johnny if it wast the most painful thing in the world for him. Johnny said he has people listening to the show today. He didn't want to get into it. He said that every man has a cluster of nerves back there so he can have an orgasm from a man putting it in his ass. Howard said that he wants to find out and told Johnny to stick something in his ass to see if he gets off. Johnny said that hasn't happened yet.
Howard asked what was wrong with the guy in August. He said that he was just friends with that guy. He said it just kind of fell into place.
Johnny said that he masturbates a lot and he's not sure why people are so uptight about it because everyone does it. Howard gave him some more plugs for his book ''Welcome to My World'' and talked about some of the stuff he has in there.
Howard said that the God Hates Fags people were protesting Johnny once and he was afraid to leave his hotel room because of them. Johnny said he had the FBI with him at one point because someone from PETA had a price on his head. Howard said that he wears fur so that's why they were after him. Howard said that he has a friend who told him to tell Johnny ''fuck him'' because she loves animals and all of this. Howard said he's sympathetic to that because he likes animals but he gets Johnny's point too because people eat animals all the time. Johnny said he wears what he likes to wear and he understands everyone's place but he'd like people to let him make his own choices. Howard asked if he's going to stop wearing fur at all. Johnny said he loves fur and he's got no problem with that so he's not going to stop.
Howard asked Johnny about getting to meet all of his heroes now that he's a star. Johnny said he liked that he got to meet Christina Aguilera. He said he got to meet her but he didn't really hang with her. He said that he and Kelly Osbourne hung out a lot and he got to feel her up. Howard asked why he got to do that. He said he was commenting on her body and he felt her breast. Howard asked if she felt he was coming on to her. Johnny said ''Certainly not...'' Howard said he likes Kelly too.
Howard gave Johnny a plug for his single ''Dirty Love'' which just went to number one in Japan. Howard had the song to play so he played some of that. Howard got up and danced to the song and Johnny told him to gyrate more. He said he'd like to see more pinkie. Howard told Johnny he's never been on ice skates. Johnny said he'd take him. Howard said he'd rather not. He said that he'd like to wear one of those outfits though. Howard gave him some more plugs for the book and for his web site JohnnyGWeir.com.
Johnny said he got a lot of shit from the people on Skating with the Stars. He said that he was apparently being too mean on the show. He said he got some nasty messages from the families of the people he was judging.
Howard found out that Johnny has dressed up as a woman so he told him he should come in and not tell him that he's Johnny sometime. Howard took a call from a woman who told Johnny what a big fan of his she is. She told him about her favorite moment of his. They spent a short time talking about that. Howard talked about how he thinks that these guys should be getting paid for what they do since they generate so much money.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Johnny is so hot. The caller also said that he wants to know what's up with him and some other skater, Evan. Howard asked why he's in a fight with that guy. Johnny said he has to fight with his rival. Howard found out that Johnny is like 7.5 inches in the pants. Howard said the gay dudes must go nuts for that. The caller said he would go nuts for it. Johnny said he's going to go visit this guy up in Alaska.
Howard took another call from a guy who said his daughter is in skating and she's a fan of Johnny's. He said if they keep him on much longer he will end up getting married. Howard let the caller go and wrapped up with Johnny. Fred played a bunch of gay porn clips for him as they were finishing up. Howard gave him some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Steve Brandano and what happened during the reported attack by him. Steve said he asked Steve's girlfriend if he could ask her a question and if she was a Stones fan since they were on their way to a Rolling stones concert. Howard said he'd just drop it since there's nothing there.
Steve said they also have an update about the psych test that the staff took and how they should not use it with the general population.
Steve said that Eric the Midget has offered Howard a video birthday wish and he's still saying he will never call in live again. Eric has offered to fill in for Bubba. Howard said he'll play some of that video on the show tomorrow.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. He ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today on the show. That led to them talking about Robin and her $15,000 cat. Howard said that the fans are calling in about that already. He took one of those calls and the guy said that's insane to spend that on a cat. Howard said he doesn't want to hear anymore of that. He let the caller go and Jon wrapped up his rundown.
Robin got into some news and read about the NFL playoffs and what Rex Ryan has been saying lately. That led to Howard playing his foot fetish video. Robin said that video is very boring when you get down to it. They spent a few minutes playing that and goofing on Rex Ryan.
Robin read about this guy Braco the Gazer. Howard said he has heard of this guy. Robin told him about him. Howard said that Robin met with this guy and he's a psychic. Robin said that she was told about this guy and she knew nothing about it. Robin said this friend told her that she was almost knocked back by this guy's energy. Howard told Robin to bring this friend in there. Robin said this was her colonic friend who told her about this. Howard said that she has to stop with the colonics. He said she should talk to his friend Pat about that.
Robin said that this woman told her that she almost fell back from this guy. She had to go see him so she went to this hotel in Los Angeles. The guy is from Croatia. Howard said that should have been a question on their psychiatric tests. He said that Robin should have been locked up for going to see this guy. Robin said this guy says he has an ability and he's known all over Europe. Howard told Robin that Croatia is the worst place in the world and this isn't a real thing.
Robin said that it was only $8 to get in. They bring a bunch of people into the room and they tell you about this guy Brasso and what happens to the people who go there. Robin said people claim they've been healed and they get protection and things like that. Robin said that he looks like this meek man. She said he has long hair and he's not particularly impressive. Robin said he stopped speaking in 2009.
JD came in and said that he looked up some videos of this guy and he's walking around in fields and streams and he just stands and looks.
Robin said he came into the room that held about 200 people or so. She said he had a white shirt on and faded jeans. He stood on a platform and he just stares into the room. Howard said he's in the wrong business. Robin said he just has a blank look on his face and he does it for about 7 and a half minutes and then leaves. She said that was it. Robin said that he does this all day long for like 8-10 sessions a day. He got about $1,600 for that one session. Robin said she didn't have to pay either because she was a celebrity.
Howard said this is what Bernie Madoff should have been doing. He'd be a free man if he had done that instead of doing what he did. Howard said that you don't need much help to do stuff like this. Howard said they must laugh when they go out and do this and make all of this money doing it. Howard said it must have been mostly women. Robin said it was but there were men in the room too. Robin said she told her driver that she had just seen the greatest job ever after that. Howard said she must have been pissed that they have to sit there and do this bullshit for 4 hours and that guy just stares at people and makes money.
Robin got back to her news and read about a nude housekeeper who got too rough with a client during a clean up. Robin said that she's in court for that now. Robin read the details of that murder.
Robin read a story about Michael Douglas claiming that he's beaten cancer. Robin said he thinks that he has it licked and he did an interview with Matt Lauer on the Today show. She had some audio of that interview.
Robin read a story about a study done on obesity and what it costs this country.
Robin read about Gabrielle Giffords and her condition. She said that they're saying there hasn't been any improvement but it's not getting worse either. Robin said they say that she could see a full recovery. Robin said this is a critical day and she could see swelling even today. Robin said they had a moment of silence for the victims of the shootings. She had some audio of that. Robin had some other audio clips of a bunch of people talking about that shooting too.
Robin read a story about a film that's been made about the orphans of Haiti. Howard said they should become Gazers and come to this country to make money.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who was doing his Ted Williams impression. He had a low voice and he didn't sound anything like Eric. He eventually got into his deep voice and he sounded pretty smooth. Howard told him to try saying WNBC. He did that and Howard hung up on him.
Robin read more about that Haiti documentary and how it will be airing on PBS. Robin had some audio of this woman talking about her documentary.
Howard was still talking about this Braco guy and what a great scam he has going there. Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to know when he's going to be on Kimmel, Conan and all of that. Howard said he's doing Kimmel over satellite and he has no dates for anything else yet. Howard said he may go on Jimmy Fallon's show too. He said he was thinking about going to California but he changed his mind after his agent asked if he really wanted to go. Howard said he really doesn't want to go.
Robin read about the premiere of the new season of ''Jersey Shore'' and they had the highest ratings of any show on MTV in history. Howard said he can't get into that. Robin said she can't get past the first few minutes.
Robin read about Richard Hatch being found guilty of violating his probation after he failed to re-file his tax returns. Robin said that he already served 3 years in prison. He now owes $1.7 million in back taxes. Howard said it's great winning a million bucks on Survivor. Howard said there's something weird going on there that he can't even begin to tell her.
Robin read about how Will Smith has his eye on a reality TV show gig. He may be appearing on The X Factor. Robin said that he has reportedly joined the show. Robin said that he'll be a judge with some other people. Howard said he just wants to be a gazer and make money from that.
Robin read about how Jack Bruce has come out against Simon Cowell and said that he should be terminated. He thinks that he's more damaging to the music industry than illegal downloading is.
Robin read about how Bono from U2's investment company has quadrupled its investment in Facebook and they own like 1.5 percent of the company. Howard said he would never have imagined giving his money to Bono.
Robin read about a new Vince Vaughn movie that's coming out called ''The Dilemma.'' She had some audio of Kevin James talking about the movie. That led to Howard talking about how he knows a guy who has a wife who is cheating on him and he's afraid to tell the guy. Howard said a bunch of people know but no one will tell the guy. Howard said he should tell him now and then said ''Fred...'' Fred said he was having such a good day too. It wasn't really Fred. Howard said that he's not sure if he should tell this guy or not. Robin had some more audio of Kevin James talking about working with Ron Howard.
Robin had some audio of the director of ''The Green Hornet'' talking about the movie. He had a heavy French accent so Howard didn't understand a word he was saying. Howard said he sounds more like gazer than a director. Howard and Fred goofed around with that for a minute.
Robin said that Ivan Reitman has a new movie coming out. Howard said he just spoke to him a few weeks ago and he's excited about doing another movie. Robin had some audio of him talking about this new movie. Howard played some of that but almost gave up on it just a few seconds in. Howard said Ivan sees some deep shit when he's making a movie. Howard said he just watches the movie. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:05am.
Jon said that it's not his money to spend but he can see why people would go a little crazy hearing she's spending it on a cat. Gary said that Robin is using the money the way she wants to.
Jon said they'll also be talking about Tim's ''niece'' and about Gary's shaving. Gary said no one else can see what Howard was talking about.
Jon said that Scott the Engineer got crap for not spending money on his dog. Scott was in so he told the guys about how the dog is 4 years old now and they still haven't had any problems with the dog's hips. He said the dog is fine and they wanted $10,000 to replace the hips at 9 months old. He said the dog runs around just fine now.
Jason said he finds it odd that Robin is adopting another cat just so she can take the kidney. Jon didn't think that's what was going on but Jason said that's exactly what's going on. He said he loves his dog but he couldn't kill another dog to get the kidney. The guys told him that they're not killing the other cat. They're just taking one kidney. Jon asked Jim to find out if Robin was still there so they could get her in there. Gary said that he thinks she ran out of there already to go to Philly.
Scott the Engineer said if he had the money he'd probably spend it on the dog to keep it alive. He said it depends on the age.
Jon said that the pet becomes a part of your life and it's going to die at some point so where do you draw the line? Gary said it depends. He said for him he puts extra money in a retirement fund or in his kid's college fund. He doesn't think that he'd put it toward a pet.
Jason said that the first reaction from people who don't have pets is that it's crazy to spend that kind of money on a pet. He said that they want her to put it into something else. Jason said that if you have the money he can see why she's doing it. Jon asked Jason if he would spend 5 grand on a pet if it needed something like that. Jason said that he would do whatever he could to save his dog if it was going to have quality of life after.
Scott said that he's going to have that decision to make with his dog at some point. He said the dog is 4 now so he'll have to do something eventually. Scott said he thinks that if it's in the next couple of years they'd do it. He said the dog needs a lot of rehab after the operations. Jon said that it would have to be a joint decision. Jason said that it's Scott's money so it's his decision. Jason said that if he was the one making the money in his house he'd say something about it.
Jason said his wife wanted to have a joint bank account and he didn't want that. He said that it's his money and he provides for both of them. Gary said that he used to make a lot more than Mary and they put the money in the bank together and now it's not so weird. Jason said his wife doesn't have to run any purchases by him but he still liked having that money. He said that Janice tells him when she spends money so he can keep track of their money. He said he questioned her about buying boots and stuff like that. Jason said he's a pushover most of the time though.
Jason said that he's not planning on having kids anytime soon. He said that Janice has said that she's not in a rush. Jason said that he's 32 now and they have a few more years to get it done. Jason said that they talk about having kids but it's not on the table right now.
Benjy asked Jon and Gary if they would have more kids if they got married again. Gary said no. Jon never answered. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks it's crazy for Robin to spend this money on her cat. Ronnie said he would do the same if he had the money. He said he would do anything to save his dog's life. Jason said it all depends on the quality of life too.
Benjy asked Ronnie about his dogs and what he's had done to them. Ronnie said he had knee surgery done on one of his dogs. He said that was 2 grand each time. Gary said he has pet health insurance. He has actually gotten money back from it too.
Robin was on the phone to talk about her cat. Robin said that she's actually getting the cat down there so they can watch her. She's not even ready for the operation right now. She said that's why she's on her way down there now.
Jon asked what happens to the other cat they get the kidney from. Robin said they adopt cats from shelters and the shelters know what they're doing. Robin said they take the one kidney from the cat and the family that gets the kidney has to adopt that cat.
Jon asked how old the cat is that has the kidney problem. Robin said she's six and that's her cat Brangelina. Robin said that she's kind of sickly looking and her cat Jennifer Aniston is very healthy looking.
Benjy asked if Robin would still take the donor if her cat dies. She said she would have to take that cat. She said the cat's name is Leroy. Gary said that cats can live 15-20 years. Robin said she had one that was 19. Gary figured that this cat has lived 1/3 of its life already. Robin said it has but they've had kidney transplant cats who have lived for 10+ years.
Jason said that they were talking about how much they can afford spending on their cats. He wanted to know if Robin can afford it. Robin laughed and said she can. Benjy asked what her upper limits would be. Robin said it all depends. Benjy asked if she would spend 100 grand. Robin said she would. She said she can't afford 5 million.
Gary said they should get Will in there to talk about pets. He said that Will wonders why anyone spends money on saving their pets. Robin said that all cats are different and you can't just replace them. That's the way it is with all pets.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to put the cost of this into perspective. He said that the amount of money Robin is spending could pay for 3 semesters of his school. The guy said that the cat may not even live through this operation. He said that the cat will have to go through a lot of treatments after this and it just seems crazy. Robin said that the cat doesn't have to go through dialysis after this. She said that's why they do this operation. Benjy asked if Robin feels she has to justify this. Robin said she doesn't but she's not just spending money on her cats. She said they don't wear outfits and things like that. She said that she enjoys her pets and she loves them and would do anything to make their lives good.
Robin said a lot of people do stuff like this and don't talk about it. She said that she's sharing what she's doing.
The caller's phone broke up as he was asking a question so they didn't hear what he was saying. Robin said that he was asking about the breed of the cat and if this is something that comes with the breed. Robin said that she has another cat that's the same breed and she's fine.
Benjy wondered if there's really people who are pissed about Robin doing this. Benjy said that we have a lot of luxuries in this country and people don't have to spend money on their cable bills or cell phones like that caller has. He said he could get rid of the phone and save money to save someone's life in another country.
The guys were also talking about the psych test that some of the staff took. Ronnie was one of the guys so he was talking about how they try to trip you up with some of the drug questions on there. Ronnie said he thinks that he might be half mental. He said everyone there thinks he's crazy. Robin said he is a little out there. Ronnie said Robin is too so they make a great team there.
They talked about how Langford, Fred and Howard all took the test too. Robin said she's wondering if Howard lied on this test. Ronnie said they were supposed to just answer the questions quickly and not think about the answers. He said he went in and out and he heard Robin laughing and cackling in there taking her test. Ronnie said that he never even looked at the psychologist in there. He said she even commented on that. They had to go to break after that.
Ronnie said that Scott is all packed up with clothes and he's got a suitcase with him and all. Ronnie said that he's not upset that he wasn't asked. Jon said that the show is going to affect the commute in so that's why some of them are staying. Ronnie said he'll get his truck out tonight and get that ready to take in. He said he's never not been able to get Howard in. He said one year he had his truck with him and Howard called asking how it looked. He said Howard told him to go home that one time but he'll get out somehow and pick Howard up. He said he'll even pick Jon up at the hotel.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie has to make sure he gets Howard in there tomorrow. Ronnie said he'll get him in there.
The caller asked Ronnie if he would give up a kidney to save Howard. Ronnie said he would. JD said he would too. Jon said he doesn't think there's anyone there who wouldn't. Jon said that he doesn't think Howard would ask though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie sounds like Joy Beyhar. JD got a laugh out of that. Ronnie said the caller sounded pretty bad too. The caller was sick. Ronnie did an impression of him before Jon let him go.
Another caller asked Ronnie if he can make a good living as a Limo driver. Ronnie said he has a friend out in Vegas who does very well out in Vegas. He works his ass off though. He said he works like 7 days a week. He said he makes a decent living though.
Jon asked Ronnie how he got involved in driving. Ronnie said he was driving a tractor trailer before that and he had a friend in the Limo business so that's how he got into it. He said it was the only job, job he had before. Ronnie said he made 10 grand the first week he was in the business.
Jon asked who is going to come out as the most crazy in the psych test. Ronnie said he thinks Robin. Then Langford's name came up. He said he'd have to rethink that. JD said he wouldn't be surprised to see Benjy or Langford as the craziest. He figured that Howard would be the most normal. JD said he's not sure about Fred.
Jon brought up Johnny Weir and asked JD what he thought about Howard's dancing. JD said it was some of the best dancing that he's seen from Howard. He did a little bit of the dance Howard did. JD said he actually took break dancing classes when he was like 6. Jon asked if it was his idea. JD didn't remember. He said he must have wanted to do it. JD said he's not sure when he even saw break dancing as a kid. They had to end the show a short time after that.
Howard started the show talking about that deep voiced radio guy, Ted Williams. He said that he had to be separated from his daughter by the cops. Robin said she knew that things weren't going to go well for him. Howard said he sounds kind of like that guy this morning. He asked where his Kraft commercial deal is. Howard said that guy's kids haven't been seen for like 30 years and the first thing they do is get into a fight with him. Howard said that he's better off making new friends. He said the guy was breaking down on Dr. Phil too.
Howard had some audio of Ted but he was having some problems with his headphones this morning so he wondered what the hell was going on. He had a lot of feedback coming through the mic. Howard said he's not doing anything different.
Howard said he went out to dinner last night. He went out on Monday too. He said last night he was out with a film executive. He said it was Brad Grey. Howard said Brad is very powerful and a stimulating man. Howard said Brad is the Grey in Brillstein Grey. Howard said that he's produced a lot of great TV shows. Then they asked him to run Paramount Studios. Howard said the guy said he would and people were shocked. Howard said that the did that and when he got the job they said he was never going to be able to produce movies. They were wrong. Howard said he met Brad when he did the Larry Sanders show. He said he was rooting for him the whole time this Paramount deal was going on.
Howard said that it's not easy to pick good movies but Brad is doing really well. He said he just did True Grit and they have Transformers and other stuff. Howard said it's tough being the head of a movie studio. He said you have to pick the right movies. Howard said Tom Cruise wants 30 million for a deal and they do have to make money so they have to figure out what they can pay these people.
Howard said they really liked Brad's fiancee Cassandra too. Howard said they're getting married soon. Howard said they got together and had a lovely dinner at Jean George. Howard said he had to get home and get to sleep early though.
Robin asked if this is a new thing going out during the week. Howard said it's not. He said he doesn't usually go out during the week. Howard said he told Beth he wanted to plan a couple of dates but it's too much for him. Howard said tonight is his birthday but everyone panics because of the weather. Howard said he forgot his phone today so he can't get in touch with anyone. He said he's so attached to it that he can't do without it. Howard said everyone wants to text too so he has to communicate like that.
Howard said it's every night this week that he's going out. He said Jean George didn't let him pay last night either.
Ronnie came in and said that he could go get his phone. He said Jeff the Vomit Guy wasn't coming in today. Gary told Howard that Jeff called and said he didn't want to be ridiculed for doing what he does. He lives right in Brooklyn and there aren't any train delays so he's not sure what's going on. Howard said Gary told him that Jeff calls in all the time to get on the show but it's stomach turning. Howard said Camille Grammer is supposed to be coming in today too. Gary said she's been in town all week so he's hoping that she'll make it. Howard said he has to find out what's going on with her and Kelsey.
Howard asked Ronnie to go get the phone for him. He said that Beth should be around. Howard asked Gary to call Beth and let her know Ronnie is coming. Howard said Ronnie likes driving his truck around in the snow anyway.
Howard said that Ronnie loves driving around in that truck and he picked him up this morning. Howard said Ronnie really loves that truck. He just tells people to get out of his way. He told Robin that if she has anything at home that she needs Ronnie will get it.
Howard said he really doesn't care that it's his birthday but he's going out to dinner with Beth and his daughter. Howard said he doesn't want that interrupted. He said he won't tolerate that. He needs to get out there in the snow. Robin said that they should have it cleared up by then. Howard said that his psychiatrist tells him that he has to get his way all the time. He said he doesn't think that it's an unrealistic expectation. Howard said he's trying to learn that he can't have his way all the time.
Robin said that the psychologist had better come back with a good prognosis for the psych tests they took. Howard said he talked to his psychiatrist about that and he told him about a question he had that he didn't think was him. His shrink told him that it was him. Howard said he doesn't think that he's nuts and he doesn't think Robin is nuts.
Howard said Robin doesn't even know that she flew across the Atlantic 30 times. Robin said she counted it and it was just 3 trips so it was 6 times.
Howard said he doesn't operate on just being good. He said that the shrink thinks that he doesn't need to go all out on these shows. Howard said this is what goes on in his sessions. He said that the idea wasn't all that crazy anyway. Howard said that he was going to bring up Dave's sexcapades, he wasn't going to rape him or anything. Howard said he likes talking about whatever he likes talking about. He said sometimes you just have to say no to yourself.
Howard said he hates going on Letterman. He said he's just going on because Sirius wants him to. He said that's been the biggest issue since he got there. He said he wants to be a team player and go on and make them happy. He said it shows he cares. Howard said the app is great and everyone tells him that. He said Sirius wants him to go out and promote it. Howard said he agreed to go out and do that.
Howard said he wants the company to do well so he agrees to help. Howard said that the Piers Morgan thing isn't a problem. He said he's not worked up about that. Howard said Dave is someone he admires and holds in high regard so he gets a little nuts. Howard said when he goes on Letterman he feels like a guy just starting out and he has to impress Dave. He said he can't just have a good time. Howard said that causes him a lot of anxiety and neurosis.
Howard said he makes the mistake of telling Beth about what he wants to do and she's shocked and appalled by what he tells her. He said she's outraged by what he tells her. Howard said that's the reaction he wants from people though. Howard said she says she won't go with him if he's going to do that. Howard said there's nothing comfortable about being him. He said he doesn't even like it.
Howard said Sal and Richard went down to Rockefeller Center and asked some people what they'd like to say to him on his birthday. Some people were nice but others said they had nothing to say to him. Howard said they asked people how old they think he looks and they were saying he looks like he's in his 60s. Howard said he's just 57. Someone said he looks 70. One guy said 85. Howard said they have to be kidding. Robin said that's just mean.
Howard said they also asked how he looks for his age. Some people said he looks bad and he should get a face lift and things like that. Some people thought he looked good. Howard said it was one horrible answer after another. Howard said this is what people think.
They asked the people what's worse, a blizzard or Howard Stern. Many said it was Howard Stern. Howard said there should be no question that it's the blizzard. One woman said it was equal. Howard said some people just ran away when they heard his name.
Howard said he has to sit Sal and Richard down and talk to them. He said they can't hand that in. He said they need top notch stuff there now with the schedule they have. He said they gave him another one the other day where they used Tim's voice and some other stuff. Howard played something where they were calling into some radio show. Howard thought it was the wrong one but Gary told him that was it. The guy was talking phone calls on this show and Sal and Richard called in just to drive them nuts. Howard said it actually is kind of funny. He let that one play through and Richard kept saying he had a question for Jesse and never got anywhere. Then they called in with clips of Tim Sabean telling them that they did a great job with their channel and things like that.
Howard said that one started out good but it didn't go anywhere with the Tim stuff. Howard said he really does have to sit down with them and talk about this. Howard said he has to give them a pep talk back there. He said that it's just not cutting it.
Howard said they have to do something more than ''hi mommy'' with those calls. He told Robin to go have a talk with them. Robin said she doesn't communicate with them at all.
Sal came in and said that the audio was so bad there was nothing else they could do with those clips. He said that they weren't able to get any consent. He said they did have some other good stuff that Howard liked. He told him about the Larry King and Richard Simmons calls they made recently that Howard liked.
Sal said that Gary should have told them that the stuff isn't funny. Sal said he wasn't trying to throw Gary under the bus. Gary said that what he just did was the definition of throwing him under the bus. Gary asked why it was his fault that he played Howard a shitty bit.
Howard asked where the Larry King gay bit was. Gary had it up on his system so he could play it. Howard said he wants to make sure Sal and Richard stay at a high level. He played the Larry King call where he kept asking a guy if he was gay. They had Larry pissing the guy off and yelling at him.
Howard said they had a Richard Simmons call too. He didn't remember that one. Sal said that's because his head is all fucked up and he should just take it easy. Howard told him to shut up. He played the Jack and Rod Show bit where they had Richard saying ''Gary'' over and over again to this woman named Carrie. She eventually just hung up because that's all Richard Simmons was saying.
Sal said they did that bit with Howard and Dick Clark too. Howard said that was good too. Howard said that they could have made the Richard thing better if they had more questions for the woman. Sal said they did but they didn't go anywhere. Howard told Sal to try harder. Sal said they will.
Howard played the Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard talked to an author and had him talking to Howard's Dick Clark impression. After that Howard said he can't be too tough on the boys. They did a good job with that stuff.
Howard played a clip from Entertainment Tonight where they were talking about the altercation that happened between Ted and his 29 year old daughter. He was home with the wife and the kids and he told the daughter to shut up so he could talk to her mother. That's when she flipped out on him and flung an ice bucket at him.
Howard said a guy with a delivery like that could have been working all of these years. Howard said the reason is because he's trouble. Howard said they know a lot of guys like this guy and anytime they tell you anything it sounds like a joke. Howard said the voice is a curse.
Howard played more of Ted talking about how he got scratched on his face. Howard said the guy has weird teeth and a weird looking face. He said he looks like a cro magnon man or something. Howard played more of the audio of Ted and his daughter being interviewed about their altercation. Ted said he thought the cops were going to show up earlier. The daughter thinks that he's been drinking a bottle of Grey Goose every night. She said he drinks heavily. Ted said that's just not true. He said she's selling him out on this fame and fortune ticket.
Howard said it's pretty amazing that he went home for a reunion and almost immediately told her to shut up. He claims that's not true though. His face did get scratched though.
Howard said Dr. Phil got the guy on his show. He said that they call him the Golden Voiced Homeless Man. Howard said it was very emotional on that show. Howard played some audio from that interview where Dr. Phil talked to Ted about this roller coaster ride he's on. Howard said Dr. Phil is another crackpot. He said it's two weirdos talking to each other. Howard said he questions Dr. Phil's expertise. He played some of the audio where Ted breaks down crying and saying that it's a blessing. Howard said he sounds so emotional that he's cracking up. Howard said he wishes that he'd call Phil a fat bitch.
Howard said he thinks it's funny that radio guys hate this guy. He said that they work their ass off and this guy is getting deals. Howard said that they're upset that he did all of this stuff wrong and they didn't. Howard said if this guy doesn't get the Kraft commercial those guys aren't getting it either. Howard said they think they should be getting that job but they're not going to. Howard said he understands the resentment though. He said a homeless guy can just come off the street and take your job. He said his father told him that things like that could happen in radio.
Howard played more of Ted's crying and talking about how he got where he has gotten to. The video that he's in has been viewed 21 million times. Dr. Phil asked Ted about how he was urinating in people's yards and stealing stuff from people's cars as soon as last summer. Howard said they have that music playing behind him and it's really dramatic. Howard said homeless people do urinate on the street and things like that.
Ted told Phil that his M.O. was theft and forgery. He said that petty theft was the best way to get his drugs. He said he's not sure who is saying that he did all of those other things. Phil had some reports about Ted and read them off to him. Ted denied that they were true. Howard said Dr. Phil is taking a homeless guy with real issues and calling him out on his behavior.
Howard said that Ted seemed to be losing his deep voice in this clip. Dr. Phil was going off on him so much that he was losing his powers.
Howard played more of the interview where Phil went through all of this stuff. Howard said that they're going to make this guy crack. Dr. Phil was doing his best to make that happen. Howard said he wants more family reunions and he wants them televised.
Gary handed Howard a note about Dr. Phil and how he doesn't do psychology anymore and he never had a license. Howard said that both of them should be locked up.
JD said that it was Dr. Phil who did a family intervention with Ted and his family. That's going to be on TV today.
Ronnie showed up with Howard's phone. He said he went and got that and he picked up Tim too. Tim wasn't able to get a cab. Howard said Ronnie loves that truck.
Howard got back to the Dr. Phil stuff and played another clip where Phil talked to Ted about his kids and his wife. Ted wasn't paying child support and Ted said that his wife never asked him for help. Phil said that she was on welfare for a while. Phil kept on him about all of that asking why he didn't offer any money. Ted said that she didn't come after him for it.
Howard said that guy is a trip. He said they should leave him alone. They're going to push him over the edge. Robin said he's so far down that he won't even hurt himself if he falls off that edge. Howard said Dr. Phil really helped out with this family. He goofed on Phil about that and he told Ted to stay away from his family. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how they must have threatened Bowie to come in there that day. Gary said it was Steve Kingston who made that happen. Howard said they should make Tim get him in there too. Howard said Tim gives him homework every night. He said he's been giving him tapes of radio guys to listen to and he hates listening to radio shows. He said he gets mental from it. Howard said he listened to about 5 hours of tapes yesterday. Howard told him to just put Bubba back on. Howard said he doesn't want any homework. He said he doesn't see that Bubba thing happening though.
Howard said that he has all kinds of David Bowie books around the house. He said he enjoys reading about him. Howard said that there are some interesting stories about the guy. Howard said he does dress like a woman though. Howard said this is real music though. Howard listened to the song for a few minutes and Gary came in and told him about Bowie doing the two performances. He said that they never got to interview him. He said they weren't allowed and Bowie was petrified. Howard said he had a lot of questions for Bowie. He would have asked about fucking Mick Jagger and things like that. He doesn't get why he'd be so afraid. Gary said they got beat up the whole day about that.
Gary said Bowie sent Howard an autographed thing and he's not sure why he was so afraid of him. Howard said he used to watch him in a whole dress. He said that he would have asked if he was straight or gay and stuff like that. He said it's not that big of a deal. He said it's not that embarrassing, who gives a shit? He said all artists are half gay anyway. He said that it wouldn't have been a big deal.
Gary said he felt like he could save the kid they had in there. The 20 year old was already off the deep end. He said he just heard that they're not going to allow a protest within 300 feet of the funeral.
Howard said he wouldn't even go to Mexico anymore after reading about what's going on down there. He said he read about a small town down there where they've killed off all of the police. Howard said this is going on right over their borders. Howard said we're going to have to go down there and liberate their army. Howard said that this is turning into a nightmare. Robin agreed with him on that.
Howard said this little town down there has no police or mayor because the drug lords take them and kill them all. Howard said they decided to appoint women to the positions so they wouldn't kill them but they ended up killing the women anyway. He said that they had one woman who was the only remaining member of the family and she strapped on a rifle and now she's been kidnapped. Howard said she's probably dead now too. Robin said they had some video of a guy getting kidnapped. She said they found his body 2 days later.
Howard said he remembers when Myspace was huge. He said that Rupert Murdoch won in a battle to buy it and now it's failing. Howard said that Sumner Redstone fired a guy for not making the deal. Howard said they're saying that they're trying to sell it for a couple hundred million less than they bought it for. He said that Facebook is just so much better that everyone is using that instead. Howard said that Facebook is just cool and easy to use.
Robin said they had Friendster before them both and that didn't last. Howard said he likes that he can post pictures from his phone up to Facebook. He said it's really easy to do. Howard said he put a bikini picture of Beth up there the other day and Benjy posted that Facebook had just gotten really good. Benjy said he stayed home that night.
Howard said Booker posted something about the picture but he had to take it down. He thought that they were going to think he was pervy. Benjy said that Booker was posting about how he thought that was what Facebook was all about. Howard said he sees a lot of people who are into posting a lot of scenery. He said he wants to see people, not scenery. Howard told Benjy to post some pictures of his girlfriend. He wanted Fred to post his wife's tits up there. Fred said he'd see what he can do.
Howard said Facebook has blown away everything out there. Howard said that the Myspace people are freaking out and wondering what to do now. Howard said that everything is over with that site. He said Rupert Murdoch doesn't even care that he lost half a billion dollars on the site.
Howard said Oprah Winfrey's network is drawing in people. He said they have a lot of behind the scenes stuff on there. Howard said he told Doug that's what people want so they're shooting a lot of stuff for Howard TV. Howard said he wants cameras everywhere. Howard said that's apparently what people want and he doesn't blame them.
Howard said he hears what's going on in the office there so he wants that to be on video. Howard said that's what people want to see on Howard TV. Howard said Oprah is having some success with her new network and that's what they're doing.
Howard said he doesn't have a feeling about his birthday. He said he's glad he's made it this far but it feels weird. Howard said he feels younger than his age. Robin said she knows what he means. She said that she was talking about her cat the other day and almost said that she seems like a 50 year old.
Howard said they think that Camille Grammer is coming in today. He said that they have a lot to talk to her about today. Robin mentioned some stuff she saw on that show Camille is on.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about Beth Stern ringing the closing bell at NASDAQ today. Howard said he wasn't sure that she was going to be able to do it with the snow out there.
Howard said he got the Weather Channel app on his iPad and it doesn't work. He said he wanted to see what was going on out there and the app didn't tell him anything. Howard said he went on the app and it doesn't tell you what's happening out there. He said that it tells you what's going to happen but not what happened. He said that it's the biggest piece of shit. He said he's never seen anything like it.
Howard said Beth was asked to do the NASDAQ thing and she had to pick out an outfit. Howard said the North Shore Animal League went to Mel and asked him if he wanted to ring the bell with Beth. Then they went to Beth and asked her if she wanted to ring the bell. Howard said that he rang the bell but there was no bell. They just hit a button. Lisa was there and she remembered going through the whole rehearsal with him. Howard said that it's in Times Square. Howard said he thought he was going to push a button so he wore gloves. He said people were wondering why he was wearing them so that's the reason. He said it was winter too so that was his explanation. Howard said he didn't want to touch anyone so he kept them on. He said the whole idea of shaking hands is weird. He doesn't like doing it, especially when he sees people rubbing their nose before they shake your hand.
Howard said he doesn't know what the NASDAQ is and why it's different from other stock markets. Robin explained it to him. Howard said there's so much he doesn't know about.
Howard said his buddy Pat got him something nice for his birthday. He said that he doesn't need any other gifts though so don't send anything. Howard said Pat got him this gift and told him that if he could go back to college, what would he study. Howard said that he'd never go back and it would be like torture for him. He said he hated school and he hated studying. Howard said he knows zero because of that. Howard said he had a D average in school. He said books are boring to him.
Howard said Pat went to Brown and he was roommates with John Kennedy so he talks about the arts a lot. Howard said he tries to be intellectual around him so when he asked what he would study he told him that he'd like to take a photography class or something. Maybe literature. Howard said Pat asked what kind of literature. Howard said Pat went out and got him a whole course about books that's on DVD. Howard said he's not sure where he found it but he went out and purchased it for him. Howard said he's never going to do that. Howard said Beth said that she would do it with him when they were there with Pat. When they get home she's not doing it. Howard said he likes books with pictures in it. He said he may try to tackle this but he's not sure he'll make it through much of it.
Lisa got back to her news report and said that they'll be there covering Beth's thing. She also said that Colin Quinn's one man show, Long Story Short, has been extended again through March 6th. Howard said he may get to see it now. Robin said she'd like to see it too. Howard said he really should go see it. Lisa said that a bunch of celebrities have gone to see it. She said they may take it on the road and put it on HBO. Howard said no one will go see it if they put it on HBO. Robin said they might do it when they're done touring or something.
Lisa wrapped up after mentioning a benefit show they're doing for Greg Giraldo next month. Howard said that's some career being a stand-up comic. Howard said that it's tough and then you end up with nothing when you die. Howard said that's some business to be in.
Howard asked if he's kind of like a mummy. Al said that he'd be like a mummy if he didn't have his pills. Howard asked if it unstick's him. He said it does work for about 3 hours until he gets stuck again. Howard said he should just get in a chair and sit there all day. Howard said he'd love to do that and just sit in a chair at the computer. Al said he wasn't able to move his mouse until a few minutes before. Al said he can barely move even now. Howard asked if he has a wife. Al said he lives alone and never got married. He said no one would want to live with that.
Howard asked if he has a go-to person who can check up on him. He said he does have some good friends who have his number and a key. Howard asked if they have had to come in and give him his pills. Al said there is a shot he can take that lasts about 15 minutes. Howard asked how many people have this disease. He said it's just a few million.
Howard asked if he would come in there and act like a statue in the studio. Al said that wouldn't be a pretty sight. Howard said he'd like to put him in wigs and stuff. Al said he would be moaning a lot. He said that his throat would start to close up and stuff like that. He said it just wouldn't be pretty. Howard said it sounds like a miserable existence.
Al said that he wouldn't have any life at all if he didn't have the show to listen to. Howard asked if he would shit his pants if they had him standing there stuck. The guy said that he has been stuck before and he's gotten stuck for like 20 minutes or so. Howard said they need him for longer than that. Howard said they might have the man for Lisa G.
Howard played him the card song again. Howard said the sound quality was actually pretty good on this card. Howard said they could have him stand in the studio for a few hours. He said he's sorry that his condition is so bad.
Al said that he has a game to play with Fred. He said he wanted to ask Fred questions and find the clip he's talking about. He had to find it in like 30 seconds. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. Al gave him one of them and it was about Roselli movers. Fred tried to find what he was referring to and it was a donkey sound effect. Howard said he wanted Fred to play a sound effect and they'd have to figure out where it came from.
Howard had Fred play a clip from Cape Fear where De Niro is laughing at the movie ''Problem Child.'' Al didn't know that one. He knew the OJ clip that Fred played next. Fred played a Jackie sneeze. Howard didn't even know that one. Robin did. Al said that the game was pretty good. He knew a Crackhead Bob clip and a Crazy Alice clip that Fred played too. He missed an Andrew Dice Clay clip. That wasn't from the show though. Then Fred played Steve Langford saying ''Rectal itch.'' Al knew that one but didn't remember Steve's name. Fred played a Riley Martin clip and he didn't know that one. Al locked up on that one. Howard said he has to know that one.
Al told Howard that they replay the show on Sunday mornings and he hears him come on and it's like 12-15 minutes of music and then explains who he is for another 20. Howard said it's pretty much the same show every time. He said Riley isn't a professional but he wants to be paid like one.
Al said that he's going to try to live for another 5 years. Howard told him that stem cell research might help him. Al said that he's been hearing about cures for years but nothing ever comes around. He said his father had the same thing. He had it for 17 years too. Al said that anyone can get it and it's not even genetic. Howard asked if he's wanted to kill himself. He said he has thought about it but he won't do it. Howard let Al go a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Camille Grammer is there. Howard said that she's divorced from Kelsey Grammer now but she's on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. He said she was a dancer on MTV years ago. Howard said she looks as beautiful as ever. Camille wished him a happy birthday as she came in. Howard said that he's happy for her and he can't imagine the nightmare that was her marriage.
Howard said he met Camille many years ago, maybe 20 or so, and she was a hot chick on MTV. Howard said she used to dance on that show and she was getting some attention from them. She somehow met Kelsey and he wondered how she could be into him. Howard said Kelsey was a real mess back then. Howard said he was drinking and crashing his cars. He said that when they make fun of her for saying she straightened him out on the Housewives show, they're wrong. She really did help. Camille thanked Howard for that because she really did help him out. Howard said that she comes off like she's boasting to the other people on the Housewives show so they goof on her when she says that.
Howard said they think that she's saying she's the reason Kelsey has talent. Howard said she has to explain herself better. Howard asked if she's leaving that show. Camille said she hasn't made that decision yet but they do demonize her on the show so she's not sure she wants to keep doing it. Howard said that show has made her a star. He said it must appeal to her in some way. He said people hate her though.
Howard said that Camille has talked about how she had a surrogate birth to save her body. Camille said she wasn't able to have a baby so she had to do that. She didn't do it to save her body. Howard said she has to explain that on the show. Howard said she has to explain that Kelsey was a drunken mess when she met him and she helped him. She said that they edit out a lot of that stuff on the show and she has complained about the way they make her look on the show. She said that the producers hear that all the time.
Howard asked Camille why she fell for Kelsey. She said that he's very charming and talented and he swept her off her feet. She said she was sick of dating jerks there in New York. Howard said he doesn't seem like a fun guy. She said that he was. He would sit around the house on the weekends while she wanted to go out.
Howard said he read that they stopped having sex years ago. She said that is true. Howard asked who it was that lost the desire. Camille said that it was both of them. Howard said he loves that she wasn't fucking him. Howard asked if she was fantasizing about other guys in the marriage. She said that she stayed in the marriage for the kids. She said that she has had sex since the divorce but she didn't want to talk about that. Howard said that he wants to know who it is. Camille said she didn't want to talk about that. She said that she has had fun the last few months. Camille said she won't say how many guys it was or who it is.
Howard asked if she loved Kelsey. She said she was very much in love with him. Camille said she wouldn't have married him if she didn't. Howard asked if the divorce is final yet. She said it isn't yet but they're working on it. Howard asked where he got all of his money. He got paid well for ''Frasier.'' Howard said he thinks that she's going to end up with like 50 million. Camille said she's not sure about that. They didn't have a pre-nup when they married so he's going to have to give up 50 percent of his money. Camille said it is a no fault state and it is 50/50. Howard said that she's not going to take 20 million less than she's supposed to get.
Howard said Camille is hot and she's going to have 50 mill. Howard said that someone else is going to marry her and she'll get cleaned out. Camille said she's not thinking about marriage. She said she may just live with someone the rest of her life and not marry. Howard asked if she was upset with Kelsey when she found out he had a girlfriend on the side who was pregnant. She said it was a surprise and she got depressed about that and cried for a few days. She said that she wasn't even able to get him on the phone at the time.
Camille told Howard that she was told by a couple of people that he had discussed leaving her long before he told her.
Howard asked how she met Kelsey. She said it was a blind date that his agent set up. Howard said that it's interesting that she wanted to have sex with him. Camille said that he was interesting in that way and he wasn't into sex that much. Howard said maybe she was relieved that she didn't have to do that. Camille said that there was an emotional connection there. Howard said he heard that he's a total freak. Camille said ''Bingo!'' She said she had to tell Kelsey that he had to be a man with her and that's all she's going to say. She said she needed sex from him. Howard asked if they were able to have side relationships. She said they did talk about that toward the end of the relationship. She said that wouldn't have worked though.
Howard asked if Kelsey was a little bit gay. Robin asked if he acted like a baby. She said he wasn't into diapering or anything like that. She said that she thought that she was going to lose him to another man. She said she never thought that he was going to leave her for another woman. She said that he wasn't able to be with her at times during the marriage. Howard said he could get it up for her right now. Howard said she could have any guy she wanted and he wasn't able to get it up. He asked what the fuck is wrong with this guy. He said that's a waste of a resource.
Howard said Camille can dance too. He said he could get hard if he was half dead. Howard asked if she offered everything to him. Camille said she wasn't going to get into that. Howard said this is all unbelievable. Howard said he figured Kelsey was doing all kinds of stuff to her. She said he did stuff. Howard asked if she thought about leaving because it was too freaky. She said they did talk about it a few years ago. Howard said he would have taken her out of that if she had called when he was single. Howard said he found Beth but before that he would have been with her if she waned it. Camille said she missed her opportunity.
Howard asked Camille if she thinks that Kelsey is fucking this other woman. She said she's not sure. Howard asked if Kelsey liked dressing up like a woman. Camille said she didn't say that. Howard asked if he was stretching out his panties when he'd put them on. She said he had a tiny waist. She wasn't getting into more than that though.
Howard asked Camille if she sees why people dislike her so much. She parades around in those tiny outfits. Camille said that she doesn't do that much.
Howard asked Camille about Kelsey coming into the bedroom dressed as a woman. Camille just laughed. Howard said that would scare the shit out of him. Camille said she didn't want to get into that. Howard said she has to tell him. Howard asked if he would pretend they were lesbians. Camille just grunted. Howard asked if Kelsey is pretty as a woman. Camille just laughed again. She said she's not going to say but she doesn't think he would make an attractive woman.
Howard asked why she would stay in a relationship if she wasn't into him. She said that she though that he was an artist and that was part of his expression as an artist. Howard asked if she had to call him ''Kelly'' or things like that. She said she did that by accident but not because of what Howard was saying. Howard said she must have been really frustrated in the marriage. Camille said she was. Howard said she's going to have the best of both worlds now. She'll have money and she'll be able to fuck hot guys. Camille said her priority is her kids. Howard asked if she went to a friend to have sex with after the marriage ended. She said she didn't go to a bar or anything. She said she went to a guy she knew. Howard asked if she told him what she needed. She said that it wasn't Nick from the show. She said that he's married and they're very happy. She said she's known Nick for 10-12 years but she's not with him. She said nothing has ever happened between them.
Camille said the guy she was with was around her age. Howard asked if he had a thick, hard erection. Camille said she's not talking about that stuff.
Howard asked Camille if she had to learn how to ride again when she was with the guy. She said it came right back to her. Howard said his head his spinning from the interview. He said she got some lovely kids from it. She said she really did.
Howard asked if Kelsey is going to be part of the kid's life. She said that they're working on that. She said he won't talk to her so they communicate by text. Robin said that's just not right. Camille said that they were together for 14 years. Robin said he has to deal with his responsibilities. Camille said this is a pattern with him. Howard said he's got another daughter from another woman and he's not involved with her. Camille said that Kelsey is raising his kids through Skype. She said that he'll see the kids today actually. She said that her son missed his dad. She said that he's seen her only about 14 days since last February though.
Howard said he thinks that Camille is happier now. She said she is but Kelsey was her best friend for many years and this is tough.
Howard asked Camille about the Housewives of Beverly Hills and if she's friendly with any of those women. She said that she likes some of them. Howard said he doesn't like that Malouf woman. He said she's a villain on the show. Howard said he watches the show and she treats people like dog shit. Howard said they say that Camille is the bad one but it's really this Malouf woman. Howard said that he's not sure why the guy is with that woman because she treats him so horribly. Howard said there's another woman who looks like Demi Moore. Camille said she comes off very well on camera. Howard said that Camille came off bad with her on the show. Camille said they still work together in real estate. Howard asked if she's going to keep that house she's in. She said that she's working on all of that. She has a lot of decisions to make in the next few months. Camille said she may downsize since it'll just be her and the two kids.
Howard said he thinks that they need Camille on the show and they have to have her back. Camille said they have to sit down and decide on that. She said she's not looking for more money or anything. She said they basically pay her nothing to throw herself under a bus. Camille said that she and Kelsey lived a very private life for 14 years. She said she wanted fame when she was younger but not so much now.
Howard said he found it odd that she wanted to stay with the marriage after Kelsey didn't want to have sex. He asked if she had a vibrator. She said that Kelsey didn't want her to have one. Howard said that it's weird when he doesn't even touch her and doesn't want her to pleasure herself. Howard said that she must have been horrified when he climbed on top of her. Camille laughed and didn't say anything.
Howard asked if she ever brought another girl into the bed. She said she didn't. She said that she isn't into that anymore. She said she only had one experience fondling the boobs of another woman. She said she never went down on another woman. Howard asked if she'll get a vibrator now. Camille said she didn't want to talk about that. Camille asked Robin what she thinks about vibrators. Howard said Robin loves them. Robin said that they don't snore and you don't have to find things for them.
Howard asked Camille more sex questions and she kept saying she didn't want to talk about that. Howard kept trying. He asked about her wearing different outfits and things. She said she did that but they got into a rut pretty quickly. Howard said that he would find that a lot of fun. He told her she should have dressed up as a fireman. Camille said maybe as one of the Village People.
Howard asked Camille if the producers called as soon as they heard about her divorce. She said that she had a contact and she had to come in and shoot it when that was all going on. She didn't want to though. She said she had that dinner from hell on the show and that's when she wanted to quit. Howard said that the show would be boring if she came off good. Howard said that she must feel pressure to create something on the show. Camille said that she did feel that. She said that they're pretty laid back usually but she had to create this character for the show. She said she was told to dress up and things like that. She said she doesn't usually do that. Howard said that's part of the appeal of the show when she dresses up. Howard said that's what Beth likes about it. Camille said that Beth is great and she loves the way she dresses. Howard said they asked Beth to be part of one of those shows and she turned it down.
Howard said Kelsey never would have allowed her to do this show if he was still with her. He said he saw the dynamic of her going back stage to see him at a play. He said that it was very awkward. He said that he gave her a kiss on the cheek and kicked her out. Camille said she thinks that Kelsey had the other woman around by that point. She said that he was disconnected at that point. She said that things were fine for years and they were emotionally connected. She said that the sex was never really good though. Camille said they struggled to have an intimate relationship but they got along as friends.
Howard said he could have a physical relationship with her no problem. He said her boobs are fantastic. Howard asked if they were always that big. She said it was just the shirt she had on. Howard said they're fantastic.
Howard asked if Kelsey ever gave her an orgasm. Camille said she wasn't going to answer. Then she said ''he might have.'' Howard asked if she was unsure. She said that she was so uncomfortable talking about this. She said that he might have done it years ago. Howard said he thinks he's given one to Beth.
Howard gave Camille a plug for The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and he wondered why she was promoting it. She said that they have the season finale coming up soon and a reunion show. Howard said he feels that Kelsey has been keeping them apart for all this time. Camille said he didn't want her to do anything while they were married. Howard asked if she was like a battered wife emotionally speaking. She said that she does feel that a little bit. Camille said that she felt less pretty when they weren't having sex. She said she can't blame it all on him though. She said they did try.
Howard asked if she feels she gave up her youth for someone who didn't appreciate it. She said she does. Howard asked if she has any regrets. She said she doesn't but Howard figured she does. Howard said she has 50 million now and she will have a hot boyfriend who will fuck her brains out for the next 50 years. Howard said she'll be having fun and her poor vagina... Howard said she's in for a wild ride and she has to take it slow. Camille said she is taking it slow. She said she's just been staying home and taking it easy. Howard asked if they got married within months. She said it was over a year. Howard asked Camille if she thinks that she still has a good body. She said she does.
Howard asked if Camille thinks her body is better than the other women. She said she's not going to say that. She said that they're all hot on that show. Howard said she could have become a fat broad if she had lost her self esteem. She said that she never did that. She kept in shape and kept her body groomed. Howard said she sounds like she's not bitter but if he turned the mic off then she'd really tell him what's going on. Camille said she wants to go bowling at his house. Howard said he's not sure how that would happen. He said he had no idea what she was talking about. She said that Beth asked her to come bowling at the house. Howard pretended he didn't know what she was talking about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Camille is super hot on the radio and he had no idea who she was before this. Howard said that's what she has to tell the producers of the show. Howard said Camille is something else.
Howard asked Camille about coming in this morning and if she had any problems getting in. Camille said she actually didn't. She got in last night and had to get up early but she made it in fine.
Howard said that all of his friends think that she's a monster after seeing her on that TV show. Howard said he didn't know that side of her. Camille said she thinks she's awful on the show and she can't watch herself. Howard said she needs to take the 50 mill and go off into the sunset and enjoy life. She said a friend told her to crawl under a rock for a year.
Howard asked Camille about Kelsey telling her to grow up in one show. She said that the kids are who she worries about and Kelsey tells her that they'll just get over it. She said she doesn't think that way. Camille said that she was there for Kelsey after he had his heart attack and she sat by his bed for days. She said that this was his decision to stop the marriage but she was there for him all that time. Howard said that happens in Hollywood all the time. Camille said she never expected that to happen though. She said she's thought about leaving too but she never did.
Camille said she loved Kelsey and he was charming and talented. She said that they fooled around and it was a unique experience. Howard said that's such a waste of her talent. Camille said that people can make relationships work for different reasons. Howard said he'd have her all over the place if he was with her. Howard said he'd have her on the ceiling and the floor. Howard told her to come back and tell them about what it's like to have her husband walk into the room wearing a dress. Howard said if it happened just once it's a joke. If it was more than that then it was something else. Camille said that she's not going to talk about that. She's afraid that she'll be smacked with a lawsuit. Howard said there are no damages there if he was dressing up like a girl. Howard asked if he's dressed like Kelsey when he's on Skype. She said he's all man. She said that she can't say much about that.
Howard asked if she's asked the producers to cut stuff out of the show that they ended up airing. She said that they did. She asked them to take some of the fights out of the show and they put them in anyway. Howard said that she said some stuff about one of the guys on the show being gay. She said she was just joking around. Howard asked if she'll ask the producers to give her control over the show. She said she has asked but they won't give that to her. Howard said she should ask for like 3 shots at editing stuff out or something like that. Howard said he doesn't care anything about most of the people on the show. He does care about Camille though.
Howard asked if she cares about being on the show. She said that she thinks that she's going to get paid the same as the other women on the show. Howard said that she's blowing it. Howard said she should just do what she wants. She said she can't talk about this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Kelsey has asked her to use a strap-on with him. Camille said she's not talking about that and it wasn't her that said it. She said she just can't answer that one.
Another caller said that he thought she said she met Kelsey at some other place than she said she did today.
Howard talked to Camille about fantasizing about other men and how he'd like to have seen that. She said that she wasn't allowed to have a vibrator. She said that Kelsey had a list of rules for her and that started early. Howard said he thinks that he was scared. She said that Kelsey had rules for her and he may have wanted that so no one would take advantage of him. She said that she wasn't allowed to go out to the beach or out with her friends. She said he was very insecure. Howard said that sounds like he wanted her as a geisha girl. She said it was kind of like that. Howard said it's weird. Howard said it must have been tough. She said that it was.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and wished Howard a happy birthday. She also said that Camille is a butter face. She was starting to go off on her more abut Howard cut her off.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if she's looking to date a normal guy. She said she absolutely is. She wants someone nice and normal. She said that she's very frugal with her money and she won't be blowing through it all right away. Howard said she'll invest it and make it last. She said that's right. Howard wrapped up with Camille a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the song for a minute. Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Steve was going to start coming in at 7:15 from now on. Howard said he's revamping the show. Jon ran through his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard knows how to get anything and everything out of an interview. He said he did great with Camille. The caller asked if his parents ever cursed at him. Howard said they don't curse so they didn't do that. Howard said he was such a golden child that there was no reason to.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that interview was horrible. He said that Camille should go out and get her own job. He said that interview was about as boring as it could be. Howard said he didn't think so. He liked it. So did the caller he just took before that guy.
Robin started her news with a story about Ted Williams the golden voiced radio guy. She read about the cops being called on him. She said that he was detained by the cops after a hotel employee called them about the yelling that was going on. Robin said that neither of them were pressing charges on the other though. Howard talked about how weird it must be for the cops out there in L.A. who have to deal with this stuff.
Howard said he saw video of Andy Dick getting kicked out of the AVN awards. He said that they had this Chichi Larue dressed like a woman and he's standing there upset about Andy Dick's behavior. Howard said that you want to arrest everyone there. Howard said Lisa Lampanelli called Gary and she had to have Andy kicked out of her dressing room too. Howard said that Andy was doing some rude stuff to her manager and they had to have him kicked out of her dressing room too. Howard said Andy doesn't even fight it though. He just knows he has to leave.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who was doing his impression of Ted Williams. He was saying that his daughter was a bitch. Howard had him give them some call letters. Eric was doing his deep voice and giving out the WNBC call letters and things like that. Howard had him do his regular voice as a woman's voice. Howard had him do his deep voice thing again. He had him switching back and forth between the two. Robin said that Ted should interview himself as a woman. Eric did both voices and interviewed himself with the deep voice and his regular voice. Howard said he's a talent.
Robin read a story about these super heroes in Seattle who are part of this crime fighting movement. Howard said he's glad she brought that up. He has tape of one guy getting the shit beaten out of him. Howard had the clip so he played that for Robin. Howard said this guy's costume looked pretty cool too. In the news report they talked about this guy known as Phoenix Jones who ended up getting beaten up after trying to stop a crime. They spent a couple more minutes talking about that story.
Howard said he was thinking of that guy Braco that Robin was talking about. Howard said that the guy just gazes into the crowd. Howard said he looks like Mark Cronin who sued to write for their WWOR (Channel 9) show. Howard said that some guys would be laughed at if they did this gazing thing. Howard said there were some really hot chicks there and they were staring at him like he was god. Howard said that the guy comes out for a few minutes and then just leaves. Howard said there's another guy who just goes around hugging people. This guy does absolutely nothing. He just stares. Howard said he had some audio where the soft talking woman speaks in a news report. Robin had mentioned her yesterday.
Howard played the newscast which was from Honolulu. He said that they're very nice to this guy who is just a nut. In the clip they talk about this alternate form of healing that's basically just this guy gazing at a crowd. They had an interview with the soft talking woman. Howard said she's kind of hot too. They listened to that news report for a few minutes. Howard said he could have Beetlejuice do this. He said he could call him ''Pinhead the Gazer.''
Robin got back to more news and read about American Idol starting up on the 19th of this month. Howard said he's seen two magazine covers with Steven Tyler and the other judges from Idol and Steven is just about dressing like a woman. Howard said he's the American Mick Jagger and Joe Perry must be livid with Steve. He said he's fucking with the whole brand of the band. Howard said Joe must be saying that Steven is fucking him good. this is like the end of Aerosmith being cool. Howard told Gary to get Joe on the phone. Howard said he wants to know from him how much he thinks that they're losing. Robin read about how Steven has been out talking about what he's going to be doing on the show. Robin had some quotes from him, Randy and Jennifer Lopez.
Howard said if you want to see this Braco guy, just search for Braco the Gazer on the web. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break Howard came right back. Howard said he could be Fartso the Gazer and fart on people to cure them. Howard said he could cure people who have problems with his farts. Howard said that's some racket that guy Braco has. Howard said that there must be a whole group of people out there who have tried this and failed. Howard said this guy is actually pulling it off.
Robin got back to her news and read about a guy who was doing his own healing. He got into some trouble for burning a cross on students arms.
Howard mentioned that Ron Howard will be in tomorrow. KC and his tranny will be in too. Gary said they almost didn't make it because of the snow storm they had last night. Gary said they're both in town and ready to go tomorrow. That led to Fred playing a KC's Gay song parody.
Jeff the Drunk called in and wished Howard Happy Birthday. Jeff said he went to the doctor yesterday and he got put on Nicatrol. Howard thanked him for the call and hung up. He said he had nothing to say.
Robin read about the death David Nelson. Robin said that he was the last surviving member of Ozzie and Harriet.
Howard mentioned that Roger Ebert tweeted him a happy birthday wish. He thanked him for that.
Robin read about Jaime Presley getting arrested for a DUI. She was nearly 3 times the limit. Robin said they pulled her over and arrested her and then she got released on $15,000 bail. Howard said Artie had a dirty cop friend who would proposition women when he'd pull them over. Howard said he loved that story.
Robin read about congresswoman Giffords and how she's doing at the hospital. She's off a respirator and she's breathing on her own. She had some audio of some doctors talking about how they think she's going to do. Howard said the guy who shot all of these people has to be executed. He said there is no way to rehabilitate this guy.
Robin read about NASA and how they haven't decided if Mark Kelly will launch on his mission in April. That's Congresswoman's husband. Robin said that she may not be up and running by April. Howard said he didn't even know that they were sending anyone into space in April.
Robin said the Loughner family has issued a statement. She said that the family said it was a difficult time for them. They're asking for privacy and there are no words that can describe how they feel. They don't know what happened and they wish they could change what happened. Robin said they say they're very sorry for the loss. Howard asked if they had no suspicion about this kid.
Robin read about how this 9 year old kid's daughter was holding her mom's hand when she was shot. She had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin also read about the God Hates Fags people and how they want to protest at the 9 year old's funeral. She had some audio of a guy talking about how awful it is to even think about protesting at this funeral. Howard said that they think that God hates all catholic's and they hate them because they have this annulment thing and there is no such thing as divorce. Howard said it's despicable.
Robin read some news about Verizon offering up the iPhone 4. Howard said he heard Jon Hein is going to get one from Verizon. Howard said he's going to try to the Droid today himself. He said he wants to see if he likes it. Robin read some details about the Verizon iPhone. She said that they'll be taking pre-orders on February 3rd. Robin had some audio of a rep from Verizon talking about what they've done to prepare for this launch.
Robin read some news about this doctor Conrad Murray who is on trial for possibly killing Michael Jackson.
Robin had an update about Britney Spears and how the Bellamy Brothers are saying that she may have stolen some lyrics from one of their songs. Robin played some of the songs and they didn't sound the same to Howard or Fred.
Robin said that the Green Hornet is opening soon. She had some audio of Seth Rogen talking about that. Howard played through that clip and said he'll just go see the movie. He didn't need the whole explanation. They ended the show after that. It was around 10:15am.
Jon said that she married Kelsey and they learned a lot about that marriage today. Gary said that they shot that scene for the movie and she was dating Kelsey. They thought they had an in with Kelsey at that point.
Jon asked if anyone can stay in a marriage when there's no sex. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said that everyone has different thresholds. Jon said that no divorce is pretty but Howard seemed to be shocked that she wasn't having sex and Kelsey wasn't giving her an orgasm. Gary said that was kind of a punch in the face when they were talking about that. Gary said that she wouldn't even say he gave her one once.
Benjy said that he didn't know what to believe. Gary said that Kelsey can come in and tell them anything that he wants to. Benjy said he doesn't think that Kelsey is such an ugly guy like Howard does. Gary said that it does look like a mismatch. He said that he's older than her. He said that when they got married he was bald and not a classically handsome guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Robin didn't get into trouble for giving Howard a card in the middle of the show. Gary said that Howard and Robin have a different relationship. He said that she's one of the main people in the studio so it's just different. The caller said that Howard yelled at Scott DePace for that. Gary said that it's just different.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about the card that Robin gave to Howard and if they think he would have reacted differently to someone else giving him the same kind of card. He said he thinks that he would have dwelled on it more if it was someone else. Gary said that he'd be guessing at what would happen. Gary told the guy that Robin actually gave him the card before the show started. The caller said he knows that Howard appreciates the guys on the show but he thinks that he might give someone else shit while he let Robin off the hook. Gary said that he may do that but he can only guess.
Gary and Jon talked about how Sal and Richard were in Howard's crosshairs this morning. He probably would have given them a hard time about a card like that if they had given him one. Gary said that he was giving Sal and Richard shit about the bits they've been doing. He said that Sal was trying to blame him for the work they're doing and that didn't work on him. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that he can tell Howard that their call isn't that funny but he doesn't do that anymore. He said that he just lets Howard decide if he likes it or not. He said he'll bring most of their stuff to Howard and he almost never says that it's not funny. He said that he will tell the guys to cut stuff down to help make it funnier. Sal said that Gary is right and it was a cheap deflection today.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Sal about their material and how they have to work on it. Sal said that they really try hard back there. Gary said he knows they try hard. He said that if the thing doesn't work then they can't just use it. He said that sometimes they can try and it can fail but they shouldn't give it to Howard.
Sal said that they've done a lot of calls that they try for months and it doesn't click. He said they put a lot of work into that stuff. Jon said that no one doubts that they try hard.
Jon asked If Howard liked hearing what Sal and Richard did out at Rockefeller Center where they asked people about Howard. Jon said that it seemed like it was hurting Howard but the guys did just what they were supposed to do.
Gary said they have a great call that they made to a woman a few years ago. It's one of the greatest phony phone calls of all time. He said that if anyone is friend with the great Cat then they have to call her and tell her to let them use it. Gary said that he hopes that someone will get through to her and let them play the call. Gary said it's become his life's mission to get that call on the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary is a horse toothed jackass. Another caller asked if they think that Sal and Richard have gotten kind of complacent with their calls. He said they used to do innovative stuff. Richard said that one of the new calls today was a new idea. He said that it's harder and harder to come up with new ideas. He said they've done so many calls but it gets harder to figure out new stuff.
Gary said that they shouldn't worry so much about doing similar calls if the caller is really good. He said that they can do a variation on their calls and just find a great caller on the other end. He said that they shouldn't be afraid to do that. Jon said that the guys work really hard and they're not complacent at all. Gary said that he wouldn't call it that either. He said they really do work hard on their stuff.
Richard said they like calling into shows and stuff because they can use it on the air. They make some great calls off the air but they have to get permission from the person to use it. He said they can make some great ones and they don't get permission to play them. Benjy said they shouldn't worry about the permission. Sal said that doesn't stop them from doing what they do but it stops them from playing them on the air. Sal said they have a lot of premises for calls and they write a bunch every day. Sal said they have a list of hotheads that they can call. Richard said that sometimes they'll take months to find someone great to make a call to. He said it can take a really long time to get that permission. He said they try to find someone else and get permission from them instead. Gary wanted them to put together a bunch of their best stuff and he'd try to call and offer some money to get it done.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard isn't going to like the Droid phone. He said that it took him like 3-4 months to get used to it. Jon said that it does take a while to get used to it.
The caller asked if they're worried about KC coming in tomorrow because he thinks that he could have a breakdown. Gary said that he doesn't think that's going to happen. He thinks that KC is just happy to be on the air again. The caller said that it has to be devastating for him. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case at all. Gary said he's pretty sure that there's no way that KC won't show up. He's going to be wearing a t-shirt that he's getting paid to wear so he'll be there.
Ronnie called in and told the guys that they're out of their minds. He said he doesn't get what the big deal is about what he's wearing. He said that Richard looks like an AIDS patient so he has no excuse. He said Sal is a mess too and at least he has hair unlike Sal.
Jon asked if Ronnie wanted to get out and drive his truck in the snow today. Ronnie said he just went to get Howard's phone. He doesn't get what the big deal is. Ronnie asked what the big deal is. He doesn't get it. Gary asked what kind of truck it is. Ronnie said it's a GMC Denali. He got very defensive about that and his fashion. He had to get going so he told Sal to go fuck himself.
The guys were wondering who was yelling behind Ronnie in that call. JD said that was actually him yelling in the background. The guys thought it was either Howard or Will.
Gary said he went to Howard to talk about it and Howard got annoyed that he was even wasting his time talking about it. Gary said there's always been a weird thing about the TV and radio guys. He said that they think they get second fiddle there in the TV room. Gary said that if Scott hadn't said something he wouldn't have even noticed he was in there. Gary said that he gets if they have to ask questions about the show but not when they joke about a song in a birthday card.
Jon asked if Tim had anything to say today. Gary said that Tim was in the studio and he was using his Blackberry. He said that he gets elbows in the side from the guys about that all the time. He said that Tim has thrown out ideas for the show that fall like a lead balloon and it's kind of funny.
Jon asked if they're going to be able to move forward after this with the TV guys. Gary said that the problem is that they don't have the time to tell stories during the breaks like they did at K-Rock. He said that they have like one break in the 9 o'clock hour and he has just a few minutes to pitch his stuff to Howard. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the Wrap Up Show from yesterday. He said they don't have a lot of breaks there compared to terrestrial radio. Howard said Gary comes in with JD, Jon and Jason and they have a quick, brief meeting with him. He said he gets his updates in that 2 or 3 minutes they have in the break. He said there's a debate about who is supposed to be in there. He said that he has already cleared the halls of people so people can get to where they need to get to. Howard said Tim started coming into the studio and the Howard TV guys come in and things like that. He said they all need to know what's going on for some reason. He said he's not sure how it's going to affect anything.
Howard said that if there is something going on Gary will share it with them. They don't need to be in the studio. He said it's not needed. They're all one group and the TV job is to capture what's going on in the studio. He said that's it. Howard said the 3 minutes with Gary gets hijacked. Howard said he opened Robin's birthday card yesterday and Scott DePace said that was gay when Gary knew the song and the follow up hit. Howard said Scott said that and then Gary said it wasn't gay and it was something he knew. Then it turned into an argument. Howard said it's entertaining as hell but it's not the time to do it. Howard said he has to get to the next thing. The way he works is being affected.
Howard said he told Gary to clear the studio and then the TV crew had a meeting with Gary. Gange told Gary they feel it's an us versus them mentality around there. Howard said that's not what it is. He just needs that 3 minutes with Gary. Howard said then Doug brings in articles and he becomes a producer.
Howard said the TV crew's job is to capture the show. They don't have to make anything. Howard said Richie Wilson sends him a ton of ideas for the show. Doug Goodstein sends him a lot of stuff too. He said that Gary is getting him the stuff he needs and it's not their job to decide if Gary is doing his job or not.
Howard said Benjy came up to him the other day and told him he got him a birthday present. Howard said he got caught up in that for a minute. He said Benjy didn't even have it there. Howard said he and Gary were stuck in the Benjy vortex and the clock was ticking. Howard said he wants to get back to the audience. He said he's out of if after Benjy does that.
Howard said Benjy will bring up stuff about the kind of pen he likes to use and things like that. He said he just wants credit for having the gift for him on that day. He said that's really insensitive. He said he's under pressure in there and these people don't understand. Robin said there is no break there. The break they have is a work break. Howard said he has to talk to Gary, Will or Jason when they're in those breaks. Howard said it's like a party atmosphere.
Howard said JD pulls clips for him and he's hard to understand so he has to focus on him too. Howard said he has to talk to Benjy and JD at the same time. Howard said JD just stands there waiting because he's not a forceful guy. Howard said if he was he would just tell Benjy to shut the fuck up and move.
Howard said he needs them to clear the decks for him during the breaks. It's not a party in there. Robin said if it was a party then they'd all be staying away from him. She said that no one would sit with him the time she had a party for him. Howard said that's what they should pretend this is. He said they should keep away from him during the show.
Will came in and told Howard that the tranny's story is great. She has a different take on what happened. He said that she says that KC was trying to get her into bed so bad and tried to get her to take a bubble bath.
Will said that KC called this person multiple times after their make out session. He said they met 3 times. Will said that KC didn't know until he left that it twas a dude. Howard said they'll have to find out more when they come in. He said that's going to be fun.
Howard said he's going to be doing a few interviews and he's only doing like one a week. He said he's going to be out promoting the Sirius XM app for smartphones. Howard said that he thinks that he'll be able to do a whole infomercial on Piers Morgan's show.
Howard said that there's an app for the NY Times and it has to be the best. He said he has this on his iPad. Howard said it looks like the newspaper but then you get to view videos. He said that it's like your newspaper comes to life. Howard said that in the Daily News and the NY Post they have app ads. He said he has gone on the iPad to look for their app but he can't find it. Howard said there is no app. He figured he was retarded. Howard wondered why he can't find this app.
Robin said she wasn't able to figure out the iPad. She said she had trouble figuring out the Wi-Fi or 3G. Howard said his seems to change on its own. He said that he had someone set it up for him though. He said if he didn't have a team he wouldn't have computers and TV. He said he has to have a whole team of people helping him out with that stuff. He can't do anything on his own. He said his psychiatrist tells him he should be able to do things on his own but he can't. Howard said he has his own checkbook and that's about all he can do on his own. Howard said he doesn't even know how to use a debit card.
Howard said he figured all he had to do was search for the NY Daily News app in the iPad app store. He said he searches for this stuff and it just doesn't come up. Howard asked what's going on.
Howard said he's heard that people have the Sirius XM app and they love it. Fred said he loves it. Howard said he doesn't like the way his blackberry works so he's going to be looking at Jon Hein's Android phone. Fred said he likes the iPhone. Howard said that's coming out on Verizon so he's going to have a meeting with Jon today to find out what he thinks.
Howard said he tried out that NY Times app and he liked it. He said he saw Sarah Palin in the paper and when he watches her he wants to vomit. Howard said she's been criticized for having crosshairs on this Congresswoman Giffords. Howard said Giffords was against some things that Palin endorses and they put these crosshairs on her. Howard said Palin issued a video release about the shootings. Howard said he doesn't blame Sarah Palin for the acts of a crazy man but he does blame her for being a big fucking cry baby who doesn't take responsibility for her actions. Howard said she was so critical of David Letterman and what he said about her. He said if Letterman did something like this with her daughter, she'd be all over TV complaining about it. Howard said that if someone had a rifle scope on her daughter she wouldn't want it. Howard said she's a ''fucker'' and a ''cunt.'' He said that she's a fake who whines about this Gabrielle Giffords. Howard said that she did a ''don't blame me'' speech.
Howard said that maybe she should have said that she doesn't think the web site made the guy do it. Howard said that she should have said that maybe she should look at what she's doing and maybe they all should. He said she's a thoughtless woman and a dummy.
Howard talked about how great President Obama was last night making his speech last night. Howard said he's very proud of him for that. Howard said he's very proud of the country for electing the guy. Howard said he knows there are problems in the country but the guy came through last night. He said that he's articulate and a very thoughtful guy. He said you could feel his sincerity. Howard said he was magnificent.
Howard said Palin didn't have to release that video. He said that she seems to think that everyone is out to get her but she's the one who is out to get people. Howard said he thinks that she's psycho. He said he doesn't mind that she's on the tea party or that she's on FOX news and all of that. Howard said he just worries that there are enough loons out there who might elect her president. Howard said nothing intelligent comes out of her.
Howard said that he admires a lot of republicans but this woman is not bright. He said she just says dumb things. Howard said he likes John McCain. He said people need to be shocked into reality. He said that he'd vote for Gary the Retard over Sarah Palin. He said maybe she can come in and fly to the moon like they did with Gary. Howard said he's not even going to play Palin's tape. He said it's dripping with fake sincerity. Howard said we all know she didn't tell anyone to go out and shoot anyone but having the crosshairs on people on her web site is a bad image. Howard said he wouldn't do that to his worst enemy.
Howard said this isn't about Sarah Palin, this is about the congresswoman who was shot. Howard said that Palin was going on and on about stuff that sounded insane. He said she sounded like Glenn Beck. Robin said she heard that even Glenn Beck was giving her a hard time. Howard said maybe they can all come out and put each other in the crosshairs. Howard said that Palin should have come out and thanked her people for taking out her enemy.
Howard said that this congresswoman was for the stimulus package and the health care package. He said that if you disagree with her then just move on. Not everyone is going to agree with you.
Howard said that he owns guns too and if someone comes into his house he's going to blow someone's head off. Howard said he likes that he can blow someone's head off if they break in. He said that there are people who go out and shoot animals with their guns. Howard said the whole country is nuts with guns. Howard said that his guns are for just one reason. He said they're for you if you break into his house. Howard said he keeps his close by too. He said there are some gun nuts out there who just have to carry them on their body. Howard said these people look nuts too. He said they show up with holsters and walk around with the gun showing off. Howard said he's had guys ask him to shoot their guns too.
Robin said that the sales of the Glock that this guy used have gone up. Howard said they think that it's going to be banned so that's why they buy it. He said it's like the wild west out there.
Howard talked about how he goes to the gun range and everyone is shooting guns for no good reason. Howard said they see him at the range and they ask him to fire their guns. Howard said he had never heard of that before. Howard said he goes there to test his guns out and to do some target practice. Howard said he's no marksman but he can shoot the thing. He said he understands the safety and locking the guns in the safe and all of that. Robin said the purpose of the gun is to protect the home and you can't leave the gun out. Howard said he puts them away when he goes out. Howard said that it's to protect him and if you're in the house with him then you'll be protected.
Howard said there are people who show off their guns and do tricks with them. Howard said then they ask you to shoot their gun. Howard said there are guys with semiautomatic weapons there and they're standing a foot away from you. He said that he tells them that he'd be honored to shoot it. Howard said he just pretends that he's enjoying it so he doesn't upset them.
Howard said Sting talks about how they're into some kinky stuff and that keeps it fresh. He said that he's still with his wife and he was giving advice on how to make it work. Howard said this is the guy to take advice from too. He said that the guy is probably tempted every day to cheat.
Howard said Sting says that relationships aren't easy and not really natural. Howard said Sting feels your pain if you want to go out and fuck like a rabbit. Howard said that he understands that it can be drudgery sometimes. Howard said Sting said that they actually like each other so that helps make it work. Howard said that's what makes it work. Sting says he doesn't take that for granted because he could lose her.
Howard said some guys are able to go out and cheat and they remove all consequences from their mind. Howard said these guys have to go home and shower to get the stink of the other woman off of them. robins said it sounds like he knows something about this. Howard said he just reads a lot. He said he watched 90210 too so he knows. Howard said he's in a good marriage so this isn't about him.
Howard said Sting is saying that if you like someone then you can get through it. Howard said that some guys go out and get laid and they have guilt and disgust with themselves. Howard said those are called consequences. Howard said the guys forget about the days they're going to feel guilty. That can last for months and years. Howard said the best thing you can do in a bad marriage is get out. He said cheating is wrong.
Howard said that you will live with such pain and guilt. Howard said if you stick your dick in another woman then you're going to lose your best friend. That's what Sting is saying. Howard said he's going to listen because Sting has to know. He said that he probably has a lot of temptations every day. Howard said even he has a lot of temptations. Howard said he had that skater, Johnny Weir, right there teasing him.
Howard said they had Ron Howard coming in today. He said he's in to promote that Kevin James and Vince Vaughn movie. Howard said he was out to dinner with Brad Grey the other night and he asked him what he should do about this friend that he knows whose wife is cheating on him. Howard said he's not sure if he should tell the guy. Brad Grey told him that he should tell the guy. Howard said he won't do that but he did get some advice. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and had Ron Howard come in. Ron was in to promote the movie ''The Dilemma.'' Ron said that he was in Chicago at the premiere for the movie and some guys asked if he was doing Howard to promote it. He said he wasn't on the schedule so he booked it. Ron said the fans put Howard on his antenna so that's why he's there.
Howard said he has been talking about the topic of this movie and he has a friend whose wife is cheating on him and he's been quiet about it. Howard said he was going to stay out of it because he doesn't know what the consequences would be. Howard said it would blow up some people's world. Howard said he got very pained over this and he would want someone to tell him if Beth was cheating on him. Howard said it's a good topic for a movie and it sounds very real. Ron said the movie is about that and Vince Vaughn is the one who is pained.
Ron said that Jennifer Connelly is in the movie as the woman who cheats. Howard said that she's a very attractive woman. He said Ron must have a lot of temptation when he makes these movies. Ron said that he loves his wife and she's his best friend so he could never do that. He said that he's a horrible liar too. Howard said he must have some darkness to him. Robin said maybe he does kinky stuff like Sting does.
Ron said that Brian Grazer was walking down the street and saw a woman who looked like his wife and he was relieved that it wasn't. That led to him bringing it up at a dinner party and they all started talking about what they would do and that led to the movie. Ron said Brian then floated this idea in his mind and then had a meeting with Vince Vaughn and he thought it was a funny idea. They went out and got a writer and he hadn't done comedy in a long time so he decided to take the project on.
Howard asked Ron how it works when he wants Vince Vaughn to do the movie and he asks for a certain amount of money. Ron said it's up to the studio about who they want in it and what they're willing to pay. Howard asked if some actors have out priced themselves. Ron said they sure have. Howard asked if he's been forced to get a new person because of that. Ron said that doesn't happen with the top couple of people. Ron said that there are some supporting people who will do that. Howard said that things have changed in the industry and they won't pay what people want all the time now.
Robin asked if the downloading of movies has done that. Ron said that's part of it. He said that the DVD sales have fallen off and the downloading doesn't make up for it. Ron said that they're having a hard time with it. Howard said that the public doesn't understand that if a studio puts up $100 million or $50 million and they get stolen, it's going to be over. Robin said that they're robbing themselves because some day that entertainment won't be there.
Ron said he loves making movies and telling stories. He said that he's not one of those people who thinks that they have to be on the big screen. He said he doesn't care if they're watching it on their phones. He said that it is great to see it on a big screen and that's his preference. He said he wouldn't watch something on his little phone.
Howard asked if he's jealous of these people doing dramas on TV. He said that movies can restrict you and TV doesn't do that. Howard said that on TV you put it on and you let it roll and maybe you get even more creative with it. Ron said cable TV is great and he would love to produce a show. He said that he'd direct something if he fell in love with a subject. He said he's developing a show based on Steven King's Dark Tower series. He said he'd like to do that on TV and part of it on the big screen. He said that Steven King's stuff is fascinating. He said that he would direct it too.
Howard asked Ron about the people he's thinking about for that series. He has Vigo Mortensen and someone else. Howard asked how it gets out there that he's thinking about them. Ron said he's not sure but there are other people being considered. Howard said he likes that Vigo Mortensen but this other guy is coming on strong too. Howard asked Ron if he thinks they'd do TV. Ron said they'd have to see that they'd be using both movies and TV to tell these stories.
Howard asked if he watches a lot of TV to find the next big stars. Ron said he really doesn't. He does watch TV but he's trying not to work. Ron said that if he does see someone who is tremendous then he might use them. He said he had one of the guys in Angels and Demons and found someone who was on the original ''In Treatment'' and that's how they found her.
Howard asked Ron if he has ever had to replace people in the lead role of a movie. Ron said he's had to drop some supporting people but not usually the lead. He said that he tries to make sure he has the right people from the start. He said that Vince Vaughn is a really good actor and the movie goes from comedy to drama and he's able to do that. Howard said he plays the character that knows about the wife cheating. Wynona Ryder plays the cheating wife. Ron said that there are some twists and turns in the movie that he can't reveal. He said that they do go into the past and ask why this friend didn't tell Kevin James' character what was going on.
Howard asked Ron what he would do if he found out his best friend's wife was cheating. He was using The Fonz, Henry Winkler, as an example but changed that to Brian Grazer. Howard asked if he would tell him. Ron said he thinks that he'd have to figure out how to tell him and he'd have to figure out how to do that. Ron said that's what the movie is all about and how you'd have to tell someone. He said that the movie all starts spinning.
Howard asked if the movie is rated R. Ron said they got a PG-13 and there is some side boob in the movie. Howard asked about Jennifer Connelly and if she's great to work with. Ron said she is great. Howard asked if he fantasizes about her during the shoot. He said that's what you have to do when you're a director. He said he has to fantasize about the whole movie.
Howard asked if Ron ever had any feelings for Russell Crow or Vince Vaughn. Ron said that he loves both of them.
Howard said that Ron's daughter was in the studio and she's amazing. Ron said he didn't like the way Howard tilted his head and smiled when he said that. Howard said that he almost became his son-in-law. He asked Ron if he could imagine that. Howard said his daughter has said that she'd love to be in a film but Ron has told her that she's not ready to be in one. Ron said she said that but he never said that to her. Ron said she has a fantastic career going and she's producing a movie now. He said she's doing wonderful work. She's in a movie with Seth Rogen and another movie too. She was in Spider-Man and Twilight Eclipse and others. Howard said that she's very attractive too. Howard asked if she's ready to be in a Ron Howard film. Ron said on a talent level she is. He said that if they work together then it has to be the right project. Howard asked if he would let her show side boobage. Ron said if the part called for it then they would do that. He said she's great and he has another daughter who is an actress too. He said she was in Adventureland and some other stuff. Howard said he likes Bryce and Paige is no Bryce.
Howard said that Bill Murray is mad at Ron for some reason. Ron said he read about that. He said he met Bill at a golf course when his son was about 12 years old. He said that his son actually wants to become a golfer. Howard asked if he's tried to talk some sense into him. Ron said that he's a good golfer. Howard said that he has graduated college and he's a good golfer. Ron said that he has to go out and give it a try to see how he can do. Ron said his handicap is +3 or something like that. Howard said he doesn't even know what that means.
Howard asked about this Bill Murray thing. He said he heard that Bill gave him a script and Ron read the script. Ron didn't like the script and he was honest about it. Howard said Bill went out and directed it on his own and the movie was called Quick Change. Howard asked why he would be mad at him for being honest. Ron said that he just said the truth and the messenger got killed. Ron said it gets back to the Dilemma movie. He said that's what it was like.
Howard asked Ron about this guy who he knows who has a wife cheating on him. Howard said he doesn't want to get into too much detail about this guy. He said he doesn't want to give it away.
Ron said that Bill Murray has always been nice to him when he's urn into him. He said that Bill told his son that he was going to be a big guy some day when he saw him on the course at 12. He said that Bill is a huge talent and he'd like to be able to talk him into doing something with him some day.
Howard asked Ron if Don Knotts was a ladies man. Ron said he's heard stories. Ron said he had no idea at the time though. He said he was very young. Howard asked if he ever saw him banging Aunt Bea. Ron said he was starting to curl up in the fetal position now.
Ron said he has heard that Don was quite the ladies man. He said he heard that he reveled in that but he never saw it on the set. Ron said he's indulging in hearsay now. He said he never saw any of this going on.
Howard asked Ron if he ever saw Don or Andy naked. Ron said that he never did. Andy is still around. Howard thought Ron and Andy were the only living cast members from the show but Ron said there are a couple of others.
Howard asked Ron if he would work with Mel Gibson again. Ron said that he would. He said that he had a great experience with him and he doesn't know what he was doing in those phone calls he made. Howard asked Ron what he would do if he called him. Howard pretended to be Mel and asked Ron to work with him. Ron said he could work with him again. Howard was saying ''fuck the Jews'' and talking about what a pain in the ass his wife Oxsana is. Ron was laughing and saying that if that was their conversation he's not sure. Ron said he'd have to see what kind of project he was talking about. He said he liked Howard's imitation. Howard said he does a Bill Murray too. He did the same voice.
Howard asked Ron who he thinks is the bigger talent, Jim Carrey or Steve Martin. Ron said they are very different and they are both huge talents. He said that Jim is very physical and he's got this explosive personality. He said that Jim is amazing with the physical comedy. Howard asked if he had to tell him to calm down at all. Ron said not for the Grinch movie. He said they were looking for that. Ron said that Steve Martin is such a huge talent. He said he's pretty remarkable.
Robin asked about Vince Vaughn and if he likes to do the scene as the script says and then he wants to improvise it. Ron said he bought into that with the movie. He said he's done that with Wilfred Brimley in Cocoon. He's done it with Michael Keaton too. Howard asked what happened to Michael Keaton. Ron said he does stuff when he sees something he likes. Howard said he thinks that he should have stuck with Batman. Ron said he didn't enjoy that. Howard said Ron could have walked away from Andy Griffith or Happy Days. He stuck with it. Ron said he did walk away from Happy Days. He said his contract was up though. Howard said that show was done by that point though. Howard said Keaton had it made with Batman. He said he was magnificent in that movie. Howard said he should have sat that guy down and explained show business to him.
Ron said that Keaton felt he was done with it at the time. Howard said Ron's father must have sat him down and talked sense to him. Ron said he still does.
Ron said that the improvising really worked in the movie. He said that Queen Latifah did a great job and so did Jennifer Connelly. Howard asked if we see any side boob from Queen Latifah. Ron said that she stayed clothed.
Howard said that he and his wife like to read the tabloids. Ron said he likes that image. Howard said he loves reading that stuff.
Howard asked Ron about working with Randy Quaid and if he was normal back then. Ron said that he was totally normal. Howard asked what happened to that guy. Ron said he's not sure but it's worrying. Howard said he had Randy and Mel on the phone and picked up his megaphone and did his impression of Randy and Mel Gibson talking to Ron.
Howard asked Ron about working with John Wayne. Ron said he worked with him on his last film, The Shootist. Howard asked if he liked True Grit and The Town. Ron said he liked those and The Town, The Fighter and Inception too. He said he liked Black Swan too. Howard said that Ron and Mark Wahlberg are similar in one way... they both have great looks and six pack abs. Howard said that Mark and Ron both came out and became great film directors and they're surprising people. Howard said that Ben Affleck was great at directing The Town too. Ron said that Ben has done a lot of great stuff and the guy knows film. He said that he's going for the movie star thing but he knew he'd direct some day.
Howard asked what's going to win best film. Ron said he hasn't seen them all but it's going to be a close run. Howard asked who he would vote for. Ron said he can't really say. Howard asked him if he beats off every night then. Ron said he can talk about that. He said he was curling up in the fetal position again. Howard asked if he beat off to Jennifer Connelly after working with her. Ron said he can honestly say no. Howard called in as Mel Gibson again and went off on him about that.
Howard said he can't believe that he didn't beat off to Jennifer. He asked if he watches porn. Ron said that he has watched some. Howard asked if the ever thinks about directing the porn to make it into an artsy type of thing. Ron said before he got on Happy Days it flashed through his mind that he could do Opie getting laid and he did think about doing that. He said that he could have gone through with it and done that as a career. Howard said that would have been a mistake. Ron said that he's not built like the porn stars he's seen. He said it wouldn't have been the event to see.
Howard asked Ron if he's 7 inches. Ron said he's an average guy. Howard said the average is 6.5 inches. Ron said it's been a while since he measured. Ron said that he's going to let his imagination run wild with that.
Howard said that he'd like to be in Splash 2 with Megan Fox. Ron got on the megaphone and called in as himself telling Howard he didn't want to get near that film.
Howard said back when Ron was contemplating porn they actually had stories. Ron joked that his dad sat him down to tell him not to do it. Howard said back when he got out of college he saw a thing to fill out to be an assistant director. He said he filled it out and then got his first radio job. He said it turned out that the job was to be on the set of porn making movies. Howard said his father sat him down and told him his whole career would be over. He said that no one was looking for him at the time though.
Howard gave Ron some plugs for ''The Dilemma'' and took a call from a guy who asked how they're going to make sure that the Dark Tower series is going to have that quality they're going to need. Ron said that he's going to do his best to make sure that they retain that quality. That's if the whole deal happens. Ron said that they're going to be as comprehensive about it as much as they can. Ron said that they'd like to include as much of those books in the series as possible. Howard said Steven King would be lucky to get Ron as a director. The caller asked if the series would be on an HBO or something like that. Ron said that he can't get into the details of the deal and who will take it. He said that it's NBC Universal that's doing the deal so they'll look at all of their outlets to figure out where it belongs.
Ron told Howard that his father is actually in the movie. Howard said Ron should put him in a movie. Ron got on the megaphone again and told Howard that he has a role for him and it's mostly falling but the death is fantastic. Ron told Howard he was great in his movie and if he wasn't so busy working he could do more movies.
Howard said they didn't mention Tom Bosley died. Howard said he was the dad on Happy Days. Ron said they had a fantastic memorial for him. He said it was small and it was family and some of his friends. He said that everyone had a lot of love for him and it was funny so it was great.
Howard asked Ron if he got nervous speaking at the memorial. Ron said he gets nervous all the time he has to speak in public. Howard asked how many minutes he did. Ron said he has no idea. He said it was all about Tom. Howard asked if Henry Winkler was there. Ron said he was over in Europe working so he wasn't able to make it.
Howard asked Ron if people like Marion Ross and Donny Most were there at the memorial. Ron said they were. He said that Tom's daughters made some very emotional speeches but he doesn't think anyone was crying. He said that they did have some laughs. Howard asked if Erin Moran was there. Ron said she wasn't able to make it. Howard asked if Scott Baio was there. Ron said he was. Howard asked if Scott was in his lap asking for work. Ron said he wasn't doing that at all. He said everyone was cool with him. Howard said Ron is the most successful one. He's the chosen one. Howard asked if Marion jumped in the casket. He heard that she was in love with him. Ron said this was turning into a mockery. Howard said he agrees and it's time to end it. Howard said Ron is a very accomplished director. He said he has done some great movies like ''A Beautiful Mind'' and he'd like to be in the sequel. Howard gave Ron some plugs for his new movie and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that Gary just told him that the results of the psychiatric test will be coming in on Wednesday. He said he's been told that something will come out during that and it will apparently rock the show. Howard said that havoc broke out in the studio when they heard this. Howard said that Benjy was freaking out saying it wasn't him and he was getting all weirded out. Howard said the chances are that it's Ronnie. Howard asked Gary what it is that's going to be so shocking. He said Gary didn't have much to say about it.
Gary came in and said the results are pretty interesting. He said that he was afraid nothing would be there but there is something of interest there. Gary said that it could be anybody. Howard asked Gary if he was blown away. Gary said Jason called him at home and told him about this. He said that he and Jason are the only ones who know. He said that Jason told him the details and he thought it was great. Howard asked if they're going to look at this person differently. Gary said he's not going to say. He said they'll all find out next Wednesday.
Howard said he knows that Benjy lied about his age on the test. He said that Benjy wasn't born in 1971. Benjy said that's his business if he was or wasn't born then. Howard said that he's not sure why they bothered letting him take the test.
Howard asked Robin how her cat is doing. Robin said that she's doing okay but she hasn't had her kidney transplant yet.
Howard had a caller on the line who asked if she was going to bring her theme music. Robin said she's not sure they play music. Howard asked if she'll be showing off her boobs. Robin said she will not be wearing a low cut top. Howard said women would hate her if she did.
The caller asked Robin if Ralph is going to be there. They didn't get why he was bringing that up. The caller said that Ralph is part of Robin's personal life. Howard said this isn't personal.
Howard asked Robin how she's going to do the show. She said she doesn't know exactly but she worked out her opening where she introduces herself and things like that. Robin said she's just going to get into the show after that.
Howard said he wants to see Robin showing off her abilities. He said that she should do very well doing that. He said she wants to see her monolog a little bit. Howard asked if she will talk about him. Robin said they will be talking about news and culture since that's what the show is about.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he'll be watching. He told her not to forget her costume. Howard said he must be as high as a kite.
Howard said she never really said that he dresses up. He said she kind of implied it but he forgets what she even said. Howard played another report where they talked about the dress wearing.
Howard said that they don't need him to appear on Letterman. He said that this stuff comes out and they get promotion that way. Howard said shit will hit the fan and they just need to let it happen.
Robin said that the actual interview is much more provocative than they can make it on those shows. Howard played another report where they talked about the interview. Howard said maybe that will get them some subscribers.
Howard played an Inside Edition report about Camille's comments. Howard said he probably could have gotten more out of her if he had kept her in there. JD told Howard to play more of one of the clips because one of the reporters lets out a laugh about the cross dressing stuff. He also said that he could be like a white Ru Paul. Howard played a clip from Chelsea Lately where she was talking about the interview with a few people.
Howard said there were songs about KC being gay and now this has happened. Howard had Darlene the Transvestite come in too. Howard said she's very beautiful. Howard had her stand up so he could check her out. Howard said he wanted to take a good, long look at her to see if she looked like a woman. Howard said that she was wearing a mini-skirt and high heels. She had full breasts that turned out to be real. Darlene said she does pad them a little bit. Howard said she's very beautiful.
Howard said that she hasn't seen KC since their encounter. She wasn't even looking at KC. Howard asked why that was. Darlene said that she was attracted to him. KC said ''What's up bro'' when he said hi to her. Howard said that wasn't very nice. KC changed ''bro'' to ''sister.''
Darlene told Howard that he grew up a boy in the Philippines. Howard asked if he still has balls and penis. Darlene said that she still has balls and penis and she doesn't want to get rid of them. Howard asked if she had a tough life wanting to be someone who dresses up like a woman. She said it's easier there in the United States than it is in the Philippines.
Darlene said that she just started doing all of this about 5 or 6 years ago. She started to live as a woman about 3 years ago. Howard asked if she lives the life of a woman 24/7. She said that she does. She doesn't dress up like a man because that would be weird. KC said ''Yeah, that would be weird.''
Howard said that KC ran into Darlene at a supermarket and he saw her ass and fell for her. Darlene said she was wearing pants so she's not sure why he fell for that. Darlene said she was wearing a top with see through arms.
Howard said KC was in jail and he got out the day he met Darlene. Howard asked what he said to Darlene. Darlene said that KC asked her if she was from that town and things like that. KC asked her out to a bar when he met her. KC said he's a gentleman so he invited her for a drink. Darlene said she's only 19 so she can't go to a bar. Howard said that KC took her to his hotel because he needed to shower. Howard said that's what dudes do to get naked in front of women. KC said that's not what he was doing. He's a gentleman.
Howard asked Darlene if she thought that she was going to fool KC and get laid. Darlene said she didn't think that she was fooling anyone but she didn't think that KC knew she was a man.
Howard said KC describes that he had to shower. Howard said he knows what he was up to. He was turned on and he wanted to show her his body. KC said he had been in jail for 8 days and he wasn't able to shower more than once or twice a week. KC said he had to take a shower and he went in the bathroom and took one while she stayed in the room. Howard said that Darlene must have known what was going on. Darlene said that it was her first time hanging out with a stranger. KC told her that she was his buddy so it was no big deal. She said that she thought that he knew he was a man. KC said he didn't know that she was a man.
Howard asked Darlene if she thinks KC is gay. She said she wasn't sure. She said that KC did call her his buddy so she wondered if she was his fuck buddy. She said that kind of turned him off.
Howard asked if Darlene saw KC's six pack. She said she did see that. She said that he disrobed in front of her. She said that KC went into the bathroom with his clothes on so she stayed out watching TV. She said that she figured he wanted to get her. Howard asked if she felt that she should tell KC that she was a man. She said she was scared at the time and she didn't think about telling him.
Howard asked if Darlene saw KC's penis while he was showering. She didn't see it. She said that she did ask him what he was doing but she doesn't remember what he said. KC didn't remember that part.
Howard asked what happened next. KC said that he did kiss her. He said he thinks that he just kissed her and that was it. Darlene said he was in his towel and he started to get dressed. He went out and bought a Scrabble board and they started to play that.
Howard asked if Darlene thought about having sex with KC. She said she didn't think about it at the time. KC said that he heard she was 19 or 20 and he wanted to see her ID because he didn't want to get into trouble with anyone. She said that she showed it to him but covered up her name on the card. KC said he didn't look close enough at it. Howard asked what her given name is. Gary said that the name is a recognizable male name but maybe it went over KC's head. KC said he didn't look close enough.
Howard asked if Darlene was afraid to go back up to the room to play Scrabble. She said she wasn't afraid. Howard said she really didn't know this guy KC though. They went back up to the room and then what happened. KC said he's not sure. He said he's very uncomfortable. He said things happened and he's re-living this stuff again. He said that she was a great friend the whole time. He got that note from her and he felt duped and tricked. Howard asked if he has the right to feel that way. Darlene said that he does. She said that she feels guilty about that.
KC said he thought that she was one of those Herbivores that has both male and female genitals. That's a hermaphrodite, not a herbivore. KC said that she had big hands but no Adam's apple. He said he didn't even think of it at the time.
Howard asked what went down in the hotel after the Scrabble game. Darlene said that KC made up a rule about every tile being a kiss. KC didn't remember that. Howard said that's KC's move. He said he doesn't like Scrabble, he uses it to get kisses. Darlene said she laughed when he made up that rule. Howard said of course she did. KC must have felt lucky.
Howard asked Darlene what KC did when she had a tile. She said that they kissed. She said it was very awkward for her. She said that she was kissing him on the cheek. She said that she had never kissed a stranger before. Howard said that Darlene doesn't do that kind of thing with strangers. KC said that was just his luck.
Howard said he still thinks that KC would be with Darlene. KC said that's not true. Howard said he can picture Darlene's cock in KC's mouth.
Howard asked about the kissing and if it eventually got to the mouth. Darlene said she smoked a cigarette and then KC put the board down and he took her cigarette away and started to kiss her. She said she doesn't remember if he put his tongue in her mouth. Howard asked if she jerked off that night to KC. She said she didn't.
Darlene said that they made out for a couple of minutes. She said it was probably 20 minutes or so. KC said he's never kissed a broad for 20 minutes in his life. Howard said this wasn't a chick. Howard asked Darlene if she has a bit of a beard. She said she really doesn't. She said she waxes and does laser removal. KC said he felt something. He said that it was different and not like a woman.
Howard said KC just ignored what was going on and kept making out with her. Howard said that he could have backed off but he was in nirvana. KC said he was with a chick who had a hair on her nipple once. He said he thought that was gross but he stayed with her.
Howard asked if there was a time when KC wanted to lay down with her. She said that she wasn't comfortable with him at the time so she didn't get hard herself. She said that KC was getting hard and he was taking Viagra at the time too. Howard asked why KC did that. KC said he must have thought he was going to bang her. Howard said he must have wanted to be hard and thick for her. Darlene wasn't up for it but she could feel his boner against his body. Howard asked if the boners got in the way of one another. She said that wasn't a problem. Howard asked how she hides her penis. She said she kind of straps it down.
Howard asked Darlene if she tickled his balls at all. She said she just glanced her hands over him. She said that KC was naked. Howard asked how he got naked. She said that he was covering himself up a little bit but he was fully hard. Howard asked if she was tugging on his shaft. She said she was. Howard said she was tugging him off. KC just laughed.
Darlene said that KC had gone into the bathroom and got naked. Howard said most women would find that offensive. Howard said he was treating her like a whore. Darlene said that's why she got pissed at herself for even being there.
Howard asked about KC's boner and if it was big. KC said that she's Phillipino so they have small cocks. Howard asked if that's true. She said that she's probably average. Howard asked if she shaves her balls. She said she waxes it. Howard asked how big KC was. She said KC is really big. Howard asked what she did with that nasty cock of his. KC laughed again. Darlene said that she knew what he wanted. Howard asked if she blew him. She said she didn't blow him and she didn't jerk him off. She just let her hand glance over it.
Howard asked why she didn't jerk him off. KC was wondering the same thing. Darlene said a lot of people know about Tranny's giving good blow jobs and she didn't want KC wondering why she wasn't getting naked. She was afraid that KC would get mad at her if he found out that he was a man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that KC has to admit he's into chicks with sticks. He said he likes cock and that's that. KC said he should just admit it, right?
Howard asked Darlene what happened after that. Darlene said that KC took her home. She said they did get together again after that. She said that she texted KC and asked if he wanted to get something to eat. She said that she was into KC and he was very sweet to her. Howard said maybe she was falling in love. KC laughed while Howard was asking about this stuff.
Howard asked Darlene where they went after that. Darlene said they went to another hotel. Howard said that his credit card must have failed or something. KC said he doesn't even remember. Howard asked what happened next. KC said he might have answered the door in his towel again. Howard said it means that he wants her and he's looking to just get going.
Darlene said that KC wanted her to go out to dinner with him. She said that wasn't happening. She said that KC wanted to go out but then he had to talk to his lawyer or something. Howard said KC probably wanted her in the room so he could have her. KC said that's probably what was goofing on. KC said he got a massage from her that time. Howard asked if he was nude. KC said he probably was. Darlene said that he had his pants on actually. They didn't even do any kissing that time. They just did a quick kiss but nothing that deep.
KC wanted Darlene to take a bubble bath with him but she didn't want to do that since he'd see her penis. Howard said that they didn't do any sexual stuff after that. Then Darlene brought him to the airport. KC said that she was a good friend the whole time and then she gave him this note. KC said that the note was in his jacket so he waited to read it. He said he read it as they were taking off.
Howard asked what KC said to her when he got back to her. KC said he told her ''Dude... a lot of people would beat you up...'' and told her that it would be best that they not talk again. Darlene said she understands that and she didn't set out to fool KC. She said she was falling for him at the time. She said she was in love with him and didn't want to lose him. Howard asked if he was hoping that KC would be gay. She said she did hope for something like that.
Howard asked KC if he would like to say something to Darlene. KC said that he has joked about this but he knows it has to be tough. He said that he's not mad at her or anything. He said she was nice to him and it doesn't matter what she's got going on. KC said she was nice before he found out she was a dude. He said he felt tricked and that he was lied to so that's why he had to stop talking to her.
Howard asked KC if he would like a blow job from her. KC said he's not interested in that. He doesn't want to go out with her either.
Gary said that Will told him about how KC had told Darlene about wrestling with KC. KC said he didn't do that. Darlene said that they did. Howard said that Darlene looks like she can handle herself. She said she doesn't think that she could beat up KC though.
KC said he tells people this story because he's honest about it. He said that this has happened to a lot of guys. Howard said it seems to happen to KC a lot. Howard said he got picked up for cruising in a gay neighborhood. KC said that was when he used to drive and he got lost. KC said it was in West Hollywood and he was looking to pick someone up and the cops thought he looked suspicious.
Howard said he's not sure this is the end of these two. He asked how long Darlene is in the city. She said it's like 2 days. KC said that he may go back to Alaska. KC said that it was nice to see Darlene again but he's not going out with her.
Howard asked if Darlene's dream is to be with KC. She said that she can't say yes. She doesn't know. Howard asked if she'd like to go out to Wolman Rink with KC to go skating. KC just laughed. KC said he's hearing all of this and realized that he's a creep.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked how he could not know. Howard said he'll have to check it out on Howard TV and see for himself.
Another caller thanked Darlene for having the balls to come in. Howard said it was very nice of him to come in. KC said that the guys did a great job getting them in there too. The caller asked them to get a picture up on the web site so we can see what they look like. Howard said that they'll get one of them together. He asked if they wanted to play Gay Chicken together.
Gary said the guys were wondering if KC wanted to give Darlene a Sybian ride. That wasn't happening. Howard asked Darlene if she fantasized about having a sword fight with KC. She said she didn't think of him like that.
Howard took a call from Sal who was playing ''Diane'' on the phone. Sal asked KC out on a date and KC agreed to go.
Another caller said that this was the greatest. He asked KC if he tossed her salad or anything. KC said there was no ass play. Howard asked Darlene if she would do that with KC if she had the chance. She said she might. KC said he wouldn't let her.
Another caller said he threw up in his mouth about 6 times on his way to work. Another caller said that he has a story too but the question they should be asking is if KC would go out with her if Darlene had the operation. Howard said KC is freaked out but he thinks that he'd be into her. He said that KC likes what he sees.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked what happened to KC. She said that he used to be so great on K-Rock. Howard let her go and another caller asked what they're hiding. KC said he's been very honest about it and that's what happened.
Howard asked if Darlene would have just given KC blow jobs if he had done something to him. Darlene said she's a total bottom so if KC wanted to do it back there he'd be up for it. Howard asked if she knows how to use her ass as a vagina. Darlene said ''Of course...'' Howard said that KC could have gotten a great blow job. KC said he must be too uptight then.
Howard asked Darlene if she had any web sites to plug. She said she didn't have anything. Howard asked if they know she's a man at her job. She said that they do.
Howard gave KC some plugs for web sites like:
KC had some other plugs for a lawyer and some match making site too. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Jewel is quite a girl. Robin said she heard that she's pregnant. Howard said he was going to have dinner with her the other night but she had to run off to a job. Howard said he hopes she whips herself back into shape after the kid.
Howard asked Fred if he thinks that he was fooled by the Tranny. Fred said the only thing he thinks KC lied about was that he plays Scrabble. Fred said there was something off with the Tranny. Robin said that they should have done some kind of test with the Tranny.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show and went over the KC stuff for a couple of minutes.
Robin started her news with a story about the Verizon iPhone. Howard said he's going to be making that decision soon. He said Jon Hein is getting one. Robin said that AT&T was the only carrier for a few years but now Verizon will get it and they'll see how they can handle the traffic. Howard said he hopes they don't ruin Verizon. He said he's going to be meeting with Jon Hein about the Android phone he uses. Howard said he needs excitement in his life and he think that the Android might give it to him. Howard said that he's finally close to being happy.
Robin read a story about a meth lab that was busted recently. She had some details about that.
Robin had some details about the shooter in the mass murder in Arizona last week. Robin said that they have a girl who says that Jared started to spiral down when she broke up with him in high school. Howard said that he likes how she's taking all of the credit for him cracking. Robin read some more details about that girl's claims. Robin said they say that Loughner just sits in his cell with a smirk on his face. He refuses to talk to anyone and just says yes, no or okay.
Howard said there was a fan who got pulled over to talk to News 12 in the snow storm and he dropped a bunch of references to the show into the interview. Howard played the clip and the guy was asked about where he was driving. He said he was listening to the radio and he was listening to Howard Stern and Baba Booey. He said he was sending some pictures to his friend Richard Christy. He threw in Sal's name and another Baba Booey as they were cutting away from him. The reporters referenced the Baba Booey reference too. Howard said that guy got in a 1/12 reference too. Howard said that was great that the guy got in so much promotion for the show. He's a fascinating individual. Then he whispered ''Lock him up!''
Robin got back to her news and read about President Obama's speech last night and how he announced that Gabrielle Giffords had opened her eyes for the first time yesterday.
Mark from Boston called in and asked what happened to KC's Viagra dick because you don't just ''un-Viagra.'' Howard said he thinks that he beat off to the image of that man and he just didn't talk about that. Howard said it's still not clear to him what happened. Howard said he tried his best to get it out of them.
Howard and Robin talked about how great that Obama speech was. Howard said he had gone out with Beth and his daughter lst night and he was home alone while Beth went out to the house on Long Island. Howard said he was all alone last night. He said he was going to spend the last moments of his birthday masturbating. He raced up to his iPad to use that for porn. He said he heard that Bree Olson may have had sex with Charlie Sheen so he watched her to jerk off. Howard said he saw a video of her with some black guy. Howard said that this guy had a penis on him...
Howard said he got washed up before masturbating. He said he brushed his teeth and stuff like that. He said he put the TV on and there was Obama making his speech. Howard said he was making the speech and his wife Michelle was there holding Gabby's husband's hand. Howard said Obama started to speak and he was mesmerized. Howard said that he was pointing out who was a hero and why. Howard said it was a magnificent speech. Howard said even if you hate Obama the speech was wonderful. He said it will go down as one of his great moments. Howard said he wanted to masturbate so he freeze framed the speech on his TiVo. He said that he got his iPad out to masturbate but he wasn't sure if that was right at the time. Howard said he had to do it then or not at all. He turned off the TV and turned the TV on in his bedroom. He ran off and masturbated to Bree Olson but in the bathroom and not in front of the TV. He said he felt so wrong doing that during that speech. He said the speech was so unifying and beautiful. Howard said he was busy cumming in his bathroom.
Howard had some audio from the Bree Olson video he was talking about. Howard said Bree drives him nuts. He said that this guy was so big that even she was complaining. Howard said he didn't want this mashing up with the President's speech. That would have been wrong. Howard mashed up some of that Bree clip with Obama's speech to make it sound like what would have been going on in his apartment last night.
Robin had some Obama clips to play. She had Howard play those and they spent some time talking about how great it was. She had a bunch of clips of other people speaking at the memorial. She had some updates about some of the people who were killed there.
Howard said he heard that Imus was taking off the air in Boston. He said he heard he lost his affiliate there. He said that means terrestrial radio just got better.
Howard said that he got a note from Kidd Chris who told him that because he's on in terrestrial that he had to go out and deliver lunch to the listeners in the rain. Howard said they figured out that it helps with their People Meter ratings. Howard said he's done some shitty promotion but never had to do that. He said that's like meals on wheels for radio. Howard also said he never thought he'd be masturbating in a bathroom at 57 years old.
Robin read some news about Congress and how they're going to be hammering out their plans this week. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Vice President Joe Biden and how a woman lost her business for selling a dog to him.
Robin read about some floods going on in Brazil. She also had a story about new water tests that they want to run to find Chromium 6. Robin read why they want to do that since it can cause cancer. Howard said he has filters on his tap water but he wonders if they even work.
Howard mentioned that Richie Wilson sent him a link to a trailer for a movie called ''Battle for Los Angeles'' that looked really cool. He told everyone to check that out.
Robin read some news about what Camille said on the show yesterday about Kelsey Grammer. Howard said she never did say that he actually does dress like a woman. Howard said she may have implied it but didn't come right out and say it. Howard said he figured they would have picked up on her saying that they didn't have that much sex in the 14 years they were a couple.
Robin read about how Jenny Craig has a new spokesperson. Howard guessed that it was Darlene the Tranny. Robin said it was actually Carrie Fisher. Howard said she does has a couple of pounds to lose.
Robin read that Kate Hudson is expecting another child. She's been dating a guy for 9 months and she's 14 weeks along. Robin said this wasn't planned.
Robin read that Aretha Franklin was on the Wendy Williams show yesterday. Howard said she must not be that ill then. Robin had some audio of her from that show. Aretha told Wendy that her health is ''superb.'' Robin said that the rumors about her pancreatic cancer were false. She does have some health problems but it's not that.
Robin read a story about Ted Williams the homeless man with the golden voice. He's going into rehab. Robin said that he told Dr. Phil that he lied about being sober for 2 years so he's going into rehab. Howard goofed on the guy saying ''Mommy'' over and over in that one clip. Howard said he thinks he likes that bit that Sal and Richard did that he had rejected. Howard said that they got some email from fans who said he was nuts not liking it. Fred said he got a couple and they seemed legitimate. Howard played the call where Sal and Richard called a guy and just kept playing the Ted Williams ''Hi mommy'' over and over until the guy hung up. After playing it Howard said he thinks the fans have lost their minds. He's not going to leave it in rotation. Robin read more about Ted and his rehab.
Robin had some audio of Vince Vaughn talking about his new movie ''The Dilemma.'' Howard lasted a few seconds before cutting those clips off.
Robin had some audio of Jay Chow talking about the Green Hornet. Howard didn't last long listening to him. Jay talked about Seth's unique laugh and how he could tell he was coming from very far away.
Robin read about Ivan Reitman's new movie. She had some audio of Natalie Portman talking about that. She had some audio of Ashton Kutcher talking about the movie too.
Robin read a story about Will Smith joining the X-Factor and said that it's a hoax. Robin said that it was fabricated by the Daily Mirror over in the UK. Howard said that's crazy, that would be like Steven Tyler of Aerosmith joining American Idol...
Howard spent a minute talking to Robin about her Joy Behar appearance tonight. He told her what he wants her to do on the show and told her to make sure she rests up for the show so she has plenty of energy. Howard said she can't be too serious. He said it would be great if she just started icing down her breasts or something. Howard said he should have Camille Grammer come on and tell them the same stuff on that show. Howard wished Robin the best on the show. He told her not to be too good because then she wouldn't need him. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:15am.
Benjy said that they knew he was a guy but if they didn't then maybe they would have been fooled. He said there was some girlish stuff about her face that made her look like a girl. Gary said that he was in the green room with someone who was there with Ron Howard and he had his back turned. She saw Darlene walked into the other green room and she asked who that was because it looked like it could be a man or a woman.
Gary said that KC may have been drunk and it may have been dark the night he met Darlene. Gary said after he met with her again then it should have been obvious that it was a dude. Gary said it sounds like they spent about 7 hours together and 6:45 of that was KC in a towel.
Benjy said that KC said he thought that she might be a ''herbivore'' and he wondered when that was. Gary thought it was the first night. Benjy said if he thought that then maybe he would have had a problem with that too. Gary said that he's seen women who have hairy faces but not stubble. He said that it's soft hair, not stubble.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that KC shouldn't have made it back to the hotel. He said that she even sounded like a dude. Jon said that Darlene did say that she had a sore throat today. Will said he's spoken to her a few times and she must have had a sore throat each time.
The caller also said that they should stop playing Little Mikey songs because he's horrible. Gary said that's not true and the fans love Mikey.
Another caller asked why KC wasn't looking at this tranny in the eyes. Will said he thinks that he was embarrassed. He said that he doesn't know how he could have made that mistake 3 nights in a row.
Benjy said KC seems to be really sad. He said he spoke to him after the segment and he seemed really sad. Gary said that KC thanked them for having him on the show because now he'll be able to eat for 3 months.
Jon played a clip of KC talking to Darlene about how nice she was to him before he found out he was a dude. Gary said KC came in and apologized to him for the way he left the show. He said he saw a different side of him today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks this is all a publicity stunt. He didn't believe that it was real. Gary said he doesn't think that he would have found a Tranny up in Alaska if this was a bit. Will said he thinks it was completely legit. The caller said he felt it was a whole hoax.
Jon asked the guys what they would do if they got a note like KC got. Benjy said he would scream. Will said he'd burn the note and that would be the last he'd hear of it. Gary said that you must question yourself after something like that. He said that if it happened the way KC said it did then you have to start asking yourself a lot of questions.
Benjy asked if it should be considered a crime with what he did. The guys weren't sure that it would be a crime. Gary said he was in Amsterdam and they have a Blue Light district there. That's where the Tranny's go because some of them were getting beaten up when they'd be with guys. Will said that it is deceiving someone so maybe it would be a crime.
Jon asked the guys if they were surprised that noting happened... or do they believe that nothing happened. Gary thinks that Darlene would have come clean if something happened. They went over the details of the stories they told and tried to figure it all out. Gary said it sounds like KC really dug her. Benjy said that's what he thought too. He said that she meant something to him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about Ron Howard. JD said he's very personable. Jon said that it was great that he wanted to come in and talk to Howard after someone asked if he was booked to do the show. Gary said that he loved when he picked up the megaphone and had some fun. He said that's when he realized he knows what they're all about and he's a fan.
Jon brought up the porn movie that Ron thought about making before Happy Days. He never did it but it would have been hard for him to make it as a director after that. Will said that it would be tough to become a legitimate director if someone played a gay porn guy in a Twink movie. He was referring to JD. Gary said that was a parody though so that doesn't count.
Jon and Gary talked about the movie ''The Dilemma'' and what Howard was telling Ron about a friend he has that he knows has a wife that's cheating. Will said he's not sure why it's such a difficult question. He said that you just tell the person. The guys wondered what's holding Howard back from telling his friend. Benjy said that Howard could tell him anonymously. Benjy asked if any of them have had to do something like that. None of the guys had any stories.
Jon asked Fred which of the Wack Packers he likes. Fred said he likes Fred on the show. He said that Beetlejuice is wild too. He just found out that JD pulls the clips of the show and that's like the meat of the show. JD told him to tell Tim Sabean that. Gary said JD created that position. He said he did such a good job that they had to hire him.
Fred said that Gary is always great too. Gary said that they love Fred on SNL. He said that Howard has been watching a lot more SNL lately too.
Benjy asked Fred about his mother since he had said she was from Venezuela. Benjy was wondering if she's available. Fred said that she's with someone right now. Benjy likes chicks like that from other countries. He said he doesn't want to be with a pale girl because of his own complexion.
Jon said JD seems to be uncomfortable with the compliment he got from Fred. JD said that he's fine and said he thanked him.
Fred said he loves Robin on the show too. Benjy said that Fred does the Obama impression on SNL. He asked if he got any flack for doing it as a white guy. Fred said he did at first but that has calmed down. He spent a minute talking about the fake ears they use to make them stick out on the show.
Jon said that Howard was really motivated by Obama's speech last night. That led to Gary and Jon talking about that for a minute as they were ending the show.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:25am.