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Howard and the guys are back from their week long vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about what an exciting day they had coming up. George Takei is sitting in for the week. Howard said hello to him and said that he's gloating and glowing about the gay marriage thing out in California. He said that Proposition 8 has been overturned. Howard told him not to get too carried away.
George said he knows it's a long road ahead. He said that it may become active in California. He said Arnold Schwarzenegger has requested that they reinstated marriage equality out there. Robin said that it could come back. George said that his marriage stands but others weren't able to get married when Proposition 8 passed originally. He said that this is going to go to the Supreme Court and he hopes that it gets through there. He said that he has hope for that.
Howard said the judge who overturned it may be gay but he hasn't always ruled in favor of gay rights. Robin said he may be looking at the law and can figure this stuff out just doing his job.
Howard said that he's pro gay and that may be because he's a closeted man. Howard said he heard that George sent Robin a gay birthday card. He said everything is gay with him. George said that he thought straight woman might like something like that.
Howard said it's good to have George back so he had him do a quick announce. George read his lines and it was a quick one about the show and how it's like a sausage party being there.
Gary came in and said the guys told him that there was no room there so he just told them to take Benjy's stuff and throw it to the side. They didn't throw it in the garbage. He said he had mail, books and other stuff like that over there. Benjy said it wasn't that much stuff. He showed Howard what it was. Howard told Benjy to just take that stuff home with him.
Benjy said he had Artie's brushes over there. Howard said he can return those to Artie. Benjy had a bunch of Artie stuff. Howard told him to just take it home with him or throw it in the garbage. Benjy said he was using it like a desk. Howard said it's like a TV set in there so he can't just leave stuff out. Howard said he throws stuff out if he doesn't take it home.
George said he has noticed that so many people have been losing weight since he was there. He said that Richard Christy has lost a lot. He said it's amazing. Howard said Richard lost that using an iPhone app. Howard said he heard that he stopped drinking during the week.
Gary said that Benjy has been getting close to coming in late again. He said that he showed up at 5:57 today. Gary said he should come in at like 10 of just so there's no question. Howard pointed out that he's got no hair now. He appears to be bald. Robin said he was wearing a hat to cover it up and now Howard isn't seeing the hat so he's confused.
Howard got back to Richard and talked about how he's been controlling his drinking. Richard came in and said that he has a 1500 calorie a day budget. He said he's been drinking but some days he'll just drink and not eat. He said that a beer can be like 110 calories so he'll do that instead of eating. He said he did that a few weeks ago and had like 15 mimosas instead of eating. He claims that they have just 100 calories.
George said Richard even sounds different since he lost the weight. Richard told him about his 118 IQ and how he's much smarter than people think. They talked about the IQ test thing for a short time and how surprised people were with that score.
Howard said that the funny thing is that Scott DePace is the most homophobic person there but he made out with a guy. Scott said that it wasn't a kiss, it was just a peck on the cheek. He said it looked like a girl too. Howard asked Scott if he's ever had a hand job from a guy. Scott said no.
Howard said he usually drinks every night he's on vacation. He said it's usually just a glass or two of wine. Robin said that's fine. She does the same thing. She said it's not always about drinking.
Howard said he had given up drinking because he was gaining some weight and he wasn't able to run much during vacation. Robin said she ran 10 miles over the weekend. She said that she usually goes 5 or 6.
Howard said it was Robin's birthday yesterday too. He said he can't believe how old she is. Robin said that George told her to ''collect'' her birthdays. He told her that his grandmother collected 105 of them. George said that this is something to be celebrated. Howard said that's putting a spin on it and he doesn't think that makes sense. George said he intends to be around for a long time and he'd like to collect as many as he can too.
Howard said that he can imagine being stuck in the elevator with George. Robin was joking about how she was staring at the elevator counting as they were coming up. Howard imagined what it was like to be stuck in there with him.
Howard said the idea of judging is not to be nice to everyone. Robin said Paula was nice to everyone. Howard said Paula was horrible too. He said she got away with it because she was kind of cute and ditzy. He said Ellen isn't flirting with anyone other than Simon. He said everyone knows that she's not really flirting with him. He said she should be fingering Kara. He said that would have been interesting.
Howard said they fired Ellen but they made it seem like she quit. He said they had to get rid of her and they came to her and said they'd pay her off. He said they probably told her that they'd bury the story and just pay her off. Howard said they could ruin her but to get her to leave they made it seem like she was quitting. He said it's all bullshit and she was fired.
Howard said they're going to have J-Lo on the show now. Howard wondered what happened to her career. He said she used to be huge. He said that for her to become a judge on that show is a big fall. Robin said that's a fall that a lot of people don't survive.
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George said he had an interesting day yesterday. He asked if they know what a wheelhouse is. Howard said that sounds like something gay. George said he went on the ferry and got to ride in the wheelhouse of the ferry on his way to Ellis Island. He said he was the Emcee for a special trip. He said they had a special ferry for them but they let him get in the regular ferry and got to see how they pilot the ship. He said he was in a white suit and he got to drive the ferry to Ellis Island and back.
Howard said if he saw George driving he'd go nuts. George said that it was Captain Bill Lynch who let him drive this ship. Howard said that's funny that they let him do that. He said it's remarkable he has the energy he has to do things like that. He said that many people his age are in wheelchairs.
Howard said they probably just told George that he had control of the ship. He said that they probably gave him a fake wheel to turn. He said George really does have a lot of energy and that was probably just part of his day. George said they went for a walk in Central Park after that. He said they didn't have any theater shows last night either. He said he was in bed by 9:45 or so and got up at 4:15.
Howard asked George what he did yesterday other than the ferry thing. He wanted to know his whole day. He knows it was Sunday so that's the day that Brad will blow him. George was trying to keep the details to a minimum on that. He said he's been too revealing on this show.
Howard said George must know that he has a time limit so he has to get to this blow job thing. George said that it is on a time limit. He said that Brad is very passionate though. Howard said it must suck when Brad doesn't want to be doing something like that. George said he has had things in the past where guys have woken him up doing that. He said that would be nice to get from Brad. Howard said he understands that. He said he gets that he loves Brad but there are other guys who were so into him that they woke him up with a blow job.
George said Brad is wonderful. Howard said he could ask him to just do it without asking though. He said that it must be kind of infuriating. George said that this is just the way they do things and it's nice. George said that things are fine. Howard said he's trying to help and he thinks that he should tell Brad that he wants to feel desirable. George said that Brad wakes him up with green tea during the week and it's very nice.
Howard said it sounds like Brad doesn't want to be doing that stuff. George said things start slowing down as you get older. He said that Howard will find this out eventually. George said he was driven by sex when he was young. He said now he's not that intense. Robin asked what drives him now. George told her to mind her own business ''straight woman.'' He laughed as he told her that.
Howard asked George if Brad would ever do anything without him asking about it. George said he can try that next Sunday. He said that Brad needs it just as much as he does. He said that they have gotten into this ritual and that's what they stick to. Howard asked if they ever do a 69 thing. George said they don't. He said that Brad will do him and then he'll do Brad. He said he's still in the mood to do that even after he's done. Howard said he wouldn't want to do that after he has blown his load. George said it's just as exciting for him to do Brad before or after he's finished.
Howard asked George if they showered first. George said they did. He said they wrestled before doing that too. He said he likes the ''musculature'' thing before. Howard asked if there is some kind of argument or role playing before that. George said that there isn't any arguing.
Howard asked George if he's done wrestling with other guys. George said he had done that in the past. He said they do a lot of feeling of muscles and things during the wrestling. He said they don't come out scratched or anything like that. They have to protect their testicles though. He said that not all gay people do this, this is just their thing.
Howard asked who ends up on top usually. George said it's give and take and it's not about taking the other man. He said Brad is bigger than he is. Howard said that's because he's gained weight. George just said yes and didn't want to get into that discussion again. Howard said that if they both went all out, who would win? George said he doesn't know. Howard said George seems like the more powerful of the two. George said that there are people who want to take him on in Jujitsu when he says he knows it. He said he tries not to brag about that.
Howard asked if he ever blows brad first. George said this is very early to be talking about this. Howard asked if he ever blows brad first. George said no. Howard said he should try it sometime and see if Brad is still into it after he's finished.
Howard asked George how long Brad has to spend blowing him. George said that it can take a long time. He said that the older he gets the longer it can take. Howard said he hasn't slowed down at all yet. Howard said Brad must have to ice his jaw after doing George. George said that it might be 5 minutes or so. Howard said that it might not be too bad then. George said it can be 7 or 8 at times but sometimes less than 5 minutes.
Robin asked if there is swallowing on all sides. George said that sometimes there is. Howard said that Robin doesn't swallow. Robin said that's a commitment. Howard said that must be Robin's way of saying that she'd do it if she was in a committed relationship. Robin said that it's not the most tasty thing on the planet. Howard asked if a guy should warn ahead of time. Robin said that is protocol so they should.
Howard said that he'd have an air horn if he was gay just to let the guy know he was about to finish. George said that this was becoming the ''Gayest Week Ever'' with all of this talk.
Howard said that he can see Brad and George hitting this wall where he is only doing this stuff on a Sunday. He asked if he put him in a room with Brad Pitt and George Clooney then he'd be doing it more than just once a week. George said that might be true.
Howard asked George if he's been doing any Star Trek stuff. George said he was out in Las Vegas recently. He's going to be in Parsippany, New Jersey doing another event. He told Howard who shows up to those events. He said that he saw Bill Shatner out in Las Vegas but they had no interaction.
Howard asked why he doesn't speak to Bill. He said he must have seen the other guys. George said he saw a few of the others who were there. George said that there are hordes of people there so they usher them right out of there.
George said that he goes up and talks about the things he's been up to. He said he does like 8 minutes and then takes questions from the fans. George told Howard that he knows of 4th generation Star Trek fans. He said that he had met some people who raised their kids on Star Trek and their kids, kids have been raised on it.
Howard asked George how long he's at these conventions. George said it's an all day thing. He said he doesn't think that Shatner does the photographs that the others do. He said that they do meet some people for breakfast and do things like that. He said that some of the people are in uniform but others are not. He said they come from all over the world too. He said that these fans are the ones who made Star Trek the phenomenon it is. He said they pay $100 to have breakfast with them. George said they make a fortune with these events. They have 15,000 people who show up to these things. They have a company called Creation Conventions and they put the shows on. He said that this one will be at the Hilton in Parsippany this coming weekend. He said he has a full day there.
Howard said they have an interview from a Star Trek convention to play. It was an old clip that they'd played before. In the clip Richard was asking a guy about the gear he had on and things like that. Howard said this poor guy was getting his balls busted over this stuff. That led to George talking about how he has a cologne out and they pay him a few bucks for using his likeness on that.
Howard played more of the audio of Richard interviewing the guy. The guy was talking about his favorite character, Data, and Jon Luc Picard when he says ''Engage.'' Richard kept asking the guy what he was saying and had the guy repeating ''Engage'' over and over again. The guy said it about 20 times. Richard asked him to say it with more power and really get into the character.
George said that the guys who come to these conventions come from all walks of life. He said they even have dentists who come. He said those are the guys who can afford to have their offices decorated like the deck of the Enterprise.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had anything to do with Ellen being fired. Howard said she did herself in. Howard said he already talked about it earlier. The caller said that Howard did pick up the phone so he figured he'd ask.
Howard said they'll be hearing more from George Takei all week long since he's sitting in. He said they have new song parodies for him too. He played one that was to the tune of ''Purple Haze'' but it was ''Purple Wang.'' Howard said that was courtesy of Dan the Song Parody Man. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and played some George Takei song parodies. He had a bunch that he went through. He had ''Teenage Mexicans'' and songs like that to play. They all featured George Takei audio clips. George said he's sorry he played the part in the movie where they took the ''wang'' clip from. He said that it's haunting him 40 years later.
Howard had George do an announce for them. George read one about Robin's charity, the 15 Foundation, and then said he's got his own charity called the 15 Inch Foundation.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that Robin just revealed that she's going to be running the New York City Marathon this November. George said he'll be there rooting for her. Robin said that Lisa was asking if she was training for the marathon and that's what she has been doing. The marathon is on November 7th.
Howard asked George if he'll be in town. George said he's not sure about November yet. He said he will be there next month and the month after.
Lisa said they also got a message from Live with Regis and Kelly and Michael Gellman has told them that they want Robin to appear on the show. Gellman said they got tens of thousands of requests for Robin to be on the show when they did their search for a co-host. Gellman said that Robin was requested many times in the poll. Robin said she doesn't want to be included in that if they don't just want her without being in that poll.
Lisa said that Eva Mendes talked about Howard at the movie premiere of ''The Other Guys'' last week. Shuli got an interview with her as she was walking the red carpet. Lisa said that Eva claims that she's a fan but she'd be afraid to come on the show for fear of saying something she'll regret.
Lisa said that Mark Wahlberg is also a fan and he's urging Howard to stay put at SIRIUS. Will Ferrall doesn't have SIRIUS. Howard said Will had a bad time there on the show and he's not sure why. He said he's not sure if it was his fault. He said he respects the guy so he's sorry if he offended him in some way. He said the guy is kind of odd but he thinks he could make it better if he had him in again. Howard said he could do better with another interview but Robin said she's not sure Will would want that.
Lisa said that Rob Thomas recognized Shuli on the red carpet and said he had gotten SIRIUS just to hear Howard. Howard thanked her for her update and let her go after that.
Howard said this guy Paul wrote this article and it was very good. He said that the DDT was causing problems with birds who were eating the bugs that had DDT on them. He said that these bedbugs are ruining people's apartments. He said you have to throw out furniture if they get infested.
Howard said that this guy Paul wrote about what's going on in other countries. Malaria is killing infants at an astronomical rate because DDT was banned. Howard read some of the article and they claim that in South Africa they brought back DDT and they brought down the mortality rate 95 percent.
Howard said Ronnie got bitten over vacation and he was wiped out for a week. Robin said they must be able to come up with something better than DDT that can do the job and not cause the problems that this stuff did. Howard said they should just bring it back.
Ronnie came in and said he got bit by something and he's not even sure what it was. He said he thought it was a mosquito bite. He said he was fine on Sunday but Monday morning he woke up and wasn't able to move. He said he was laid up for the whole week. He said he's on antibiotics for 10 days now. He said he went to the doctor and they said that his white blood count was way up so they think it could have been a tick that didn't stick or something like that.
Howard read more about the Malaria problem and what it does to people around the world. It can kill a million people a year. Howard said that it's not all about the bedbugs. Robin said that it might be fine where there is Malaria but not everywhere around the world. Howard said this stuff kills the mosquitos and they should be using it here too.
Howard said this is what he was talking about last week. He said that he got a bunch of mail from fans who were complaining about him wanting DDT back. Howard said that they don't have Malaria here yet but it's just a matter of time if they don't bring this stuff back. Howard said they tested Ronnie for West Nile but it wasn't that. They weren't sure what it was. Howard read more of the article and said that these bed nets don't work to keep people from getting Malaria.
Howard said Rosie must be finishing off her show there at SIRIUS before she does that. Robin asked if she's going to stick with them. Howard said he's not sure but he thinks that she's got a few more months there. He said she probably wanted the bigger money and Oprah is probably backing up the Brinks truck to her.
Howard said they have a new contest going on where they have $5,000 up for grabs. It's a contest where fans who can do impressions of the guys from the show can win the money. Howard said that you can enter the Staff Impression Contest by sending an MP3 of your impression of anyone from the show. He said that you can send those to Contest@howardstern.com.
Howard read more of the names of the people that the fans get to meet for $370. There were a bunch of names that he didn't recognize. Howard said the cost of the autographs are included in the price. He said that they list the prices of the autographs in this write up he had.
George said that he gets less than Jeri does for her autographs. She gets $55. Howard read more of the article and found that they have all kinds of stuff going on at these conventions. They have one guy who sings. That led to George talking about how the guy who played Data, Brent Spiner, on the Star Trek: The Next Generation series can sing very well.
Howard read more of the details of the conventions and what goes on there. He said they include a lot of stuff in the gold package. Howard said that they give people a shot at buying the products before everyone else.
Gary asked Eric how much money he's made being an actor. Eric said it's not that much. Gary said he's made more as Eric the Midget so they have to stick to that name.
Howard said he heard that Eric freaked out when they upped his lines from 4 lines to 11. Eric said that he wasn't upset. He was muffled for some reason so Howard asked what was going on with his phone. Eric moved the phone and it cleared right up. Eric said he didn't complain about the 11 lines. George said they fight to get more lines. Howard said Eric must have been thrown off by the lines.
Steve Langford came in since he was up in Canada for the TV show shoot. Steve came in and said that Eric demanded that he not be allowed on the set. Steve said he got on the set thanks to the producers.
Howard asked Eric why he's so upset with Langford. Eric said he didn't want anything to be known about the scene. Eric said it's supposed to be a surprise scene that no one knows about. Howard said the producers didn't care about it. Steve said they were the ones who invited him there. Eric said he didn't know why that was. George said that he's not an actor if he doesn't want publicity and lines.
Steve said that he's the only reporter in the world who wants to cover this. He said that he asked the producers if it was worth it. The guy declined to comment when he asked. Eric said he had nothing but positive feedback from the people. Howard asked if they were happy with his performance. Steve said it's hard to say. He said that Eric was dressed as a homeless man. He said that he thinks it's for an opening scene. He thinks that he did fine acting but all of the nonsense it took to get him up there may have been why they declined to comment.
Howard asked Eric if he was treated properly. Eric said he was. He said he was fine. Howard asked when this is going to air. Steve said it's mid to late September. Steve said they had 6 live reports from Vancouver. He said that Eric got a big shot there and he wondered why there was so much nonsense. Steve said they had a backup actor ready to go because of Eric. He said they were listening to the show and Johnny Fratto's tapes and one of the execs said they weren't sure if he was going to show up.
Howard said that Eric sounds like more of a pain in the ass than Shatner. He asked Steve how Eric's roommate did. Steve said he thinks things went fine on the drive up there. He said he's not sure why Eric gave them such a hard time over the whole thing though. Howard said maybe Eric was stressed about things. Eric said that the first day he had all of his lines and he didn't want Steve there. He said he never heard the director call cut when he was doing his lines. He said that he was even asked to improvise a little bit. He said the director never said cut to any of that stuff.
Howard said it sounds like they liked everything that Eric did. Steve said that they had to go through so much nonsense just to get him up there though.
Gary said that Eric left a message for Shuli about who he will and won't talk to. Howard had the message so he played that. In the message Eric was saying that he has his okay to play this on air. Eric said the message is that from now on, if there is a story about him in the news, it's only Shuli who he will talk to. He said he won't talk to anyone else, especially ''that piece of shit Langford.'' Eric was pissed about Langford showing up on the set when he asked him not to. He said he showed up anyway and he should be fired.
Howard said the funny thing is that he just encouraged Steve with that message. He said that Steve didn't do anything wrong other than covering him and giving him publicity. Steve said that he's the only one who is interested in this story too. He said no other reporter is covering this. Howard said Eric is a tyrant. Robin said that he wants him to take Steve's job from him. Howard said he's like a Tom Thumb Hitler.
Howard asked if he really wants him fired. Eric said ''sure.'' He said there are other people who probably want him fired too. George asked why he'd be so mean spirited. He said there's a lot of unemployment out there right now.
Eric said that Steve is very negative toward him and he's been the same way toward Captain Janks. Eric said that he's always negative toward them and trying to screw with them. George asked in what way he's negative. Eric said he's reporting on a bunch of negative stuff on the trip up there. Steve said that the story line could have been about the part on the show but Eric turns it into a game on cat and mouse so that's what the story becomes. He said Eric blew it.
Howard asked when this show is going to air. Eric said it's the second episode of the series this season. It'll be on September 30th on FOX.
Eric said that he also wanted to say that the JFSC has started again on Facebook. Howard said he's sure that's important to someone. He let Eric go after that.
Wheels called in and brought up the Laurence Fishburn story about his daughter doing a porn movie. Howard said that he feels sorry for Laurence Fishburn. Robin said that the daughter was arrested for prostitution at one time. Howard said the guy must not care. Howard said he'd probably kill himself if that was his daughter. Wheels wondered what it was that he could have done to her. Robin said they'll have to interview her. Howard said they may just get that interview some day.
Bobo called in and said that he was outraged that Howard was ranked lower than Rush Limbaugh in some trade publication. Howard said he's never even seen a copy of this Talkers magazine. Howard said the guy who runs it is a nice guy. His name is Mike Harrison. Howard said the guy has this magazine out and it probably has 5 subscribers. Howard said the guy gets a lot of publicity when he puts out this list of ''top talkers.'' Howard said he knows he's the most successful guy in the history of radio but when you have a magazine like this you have to make up stories to get some publicity. Howard said they have to write some controversial stuff to get noticed.
Howard said that if Rush Limbaugh was signed by SIRIUS, he wouldn't bring in any subscribers. He said that he guarantees that no one is going to pay to hear that guy. Howard said morning drive is for the elite of radio but Rush is on in the afternoons. He said that he doesn't even do that well in the afternoons and there is no comparison to mornings. He said he guarantees that rush would not make it in morning radio. He said the best guys are on in the morning.
Howard said there are guys out there who are 10 times better than Rush. He said that this article doesn't even affect him though. He said he doesn't care what they write. Howard talked about how Bob Grant is a great talk show host and he's 10 times better than Rush. Howard said he'd even put Bob on his channel because that's how much he respects the guy. Howard said if he leaves SIRIUS then there will be trouble. He said that's how they'd know who was number one. He said he left that Viacom and they can't make any money with their stations now.
Howard said he can't imagine there's even a profit with this Talkers magazine. He said the guy who runs it must have another job somewhere. He said that he can't imagine making a cent. Robin said she's never seen it on the newsstands. Howard said he wouldn't even know where to get it.
Howard said if they said he was number one in that magazine, that's not a headline. He said everyone knows that already. He said the guys at Viacom sued him when he left there. He said that's the most ridiculous thing ever. He said it shows how much they missed him.
Howard said he just got a note from someone who said that FOX News is a sponsor for that magazine. That might explain why Rush is number one in there. Howard said that if the NY Post can't make money, how is Talkers Magazine going to make money? He said he doesn't know anyone who gets the magazine and he's in the business.
Howard said that Howard 100 News should come out with a list where he comes out at number 3. He said that's the only way David Hinkley is going to pay attention to a list like that. He's the one who picked up on that Talkers Magazine thing.
Bobo told Howard that Bill O'Reilly is at number 22 on that list. Howard said that guy isn't even on the radio anymore, is he? Howard said that Bubba should be on that list. He was at war with Opie and Anthony over the weekend. He said that Bubba said he was going to beat them up so he must have won that fight. Howard let Bobo go and said he had to get to Rob Schneider next. He said he heard that Robin didn't like the movie he was in recently. They'll have to talk about that after the break.
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Howard came back and had Rob Schneider come in. Howard said Rob was on Saturday Night Live, he's done some movies and now he's got a comedy album out.
Rob came in and Howard introduced him to George Takei. Rob said he's part Asian himself. He said that his mother is Philippino. He said that she wasn't too familiar with swear words when he was a kid. He said she would pick up on some of the words he'd say and call them faggots and queer baits telling them to go to bed and things like that.
Howard said he was reading that Rob is engaged. Rob said he is. Robin said he seems to be engaged every time they talk to him. Rob said that he's fallen in love with this woman, Patricia. He said that she's Mexican. Howard said he was married two other times. Rob said that the first one he doesn't count. The second one did because it was very expensive.
Rob said he doesn't want to get a pre-nup and he's not sure how to ask. He said that must be a really uncomfortable conversation. He said that if it doesn't work out then he'll just kill her like Shatner did. George Takei let out an ''Oh!'' when he heard that. George said he was just feeding into an ugly rumor. Rob said he didn't say he murdered her, he just said ''killed.''
Howard said that Rob must know that things can go wrong with a relationship. Rob said he knows that especially now that the Mel Gibson tapes are out. He spent a minute talking about that. Rob said that it's good that it's come out now showing how much hate there is there.
Howard said even after Mel made the Jew comments things were okay. Now that the N-word came out, he's done. Rob said that they're always one N-word away from the end of their careers. Rob said he would work with Mel and he put out a full page ad about that. Howard said Tracy Morgan said he'd work with him too.
Howard said he's worried about Rob. He said there is nothing wrong with saying to a woman that you want a pre-nup. He said Rob doesn't know when his career could come to an end. He said that he has had some big breaks in films and stuff and he made that great ''Deuce Bigalow.'' Rob thanked him for that. Howard said tomorrow it could be over. He could be staring at the wall with his brother for all he knows.
Howard told Rob that he should have brought his fiancee there so he could bring it up on the air. Rob said she has money of her own and she may make more than he does. He said he really wants to make things work. He said she's really not rich but he does want to make it work. Rob said he begs her not to take his money every morning when he wakes up.
Howard said Rob has been on some sexual tears and he wondered if he does the same kind of things that David Spade has done. Rob said he stopped doing that in the 90s.
Rob and Howard talked about the Mel Gibson tapes again and how he was yelling at his wife about giving him a blow job. Howard said he's just asking for a simple blow job and for Oksana to smile before she blows him. Rob said that the smile is very important. He said you don't want a frowny blow job. Rob was also saying that Mel was set up in the whole thing with that Oksana.
Howard and Rob talked about how he met his fiancee and things like that. He said he met her while he was shooting ''Big Stan.'' He worked on that with David Carradine so they talked about the weird way he died doing auto erotic asphyxiation.
Rob also said that he's had to use some stuff to help him get it up lately. He said that he uses natural stuff. They talked about that for a short time. Rob said that he thinks his wife is going to be a producer there in the States. She was doing some work on TV down in Mexico when he met her.
Howard said they have to play some of Rob's stuff off his new album ''Registered Offender.'' Rob told Howard that he was thrown off a record label after he said some stuff about Yoko Ono on there. Rob told Howard what that was about and then Howard played the clip of that bit. Rob does a bit where Julian Lennon goes over to Yoko Ono's house to pick up one of his father's guitars. He does the voices for Yoko and for Julian. In the bit he has Yoko refusing to give him any guitar he picks out. Howard said this was based on a true story too. Rob said that he was looking to make something very offensive so that's why he did Yoko's voice as Chinese.
Howard said this is almost like a National Lampoon type of CD. Rob said that's what he was going for and he took a couple of years to create it. Howard said he felt for Julian Lennon because his father really didn't leave anything to him. He said it was up to Yoko to give him something.
Howard gave Rob some plugs for his album and for his web site RobSchneider.com.
Howard asked Rob about how he got hired on Saturday Night Live. Rob said he had like a killer 20 minutes that he did and they saw it and hired him pretty quick. He said that he was never as good as Jerry Seinfeld or anyone but he had that 20 minutes that was really good.
Rob said that Dennis Miller was very helpful back then. He said he was hired as a writer at first. He said that things worked out for him though. Rob said that they've never really had any competition there so it's like a good restaurant in a great location.
Howard said he had some tape that they've played on the show where some radio guy gave Rob a hard time and ended up making him walk off the show. Rob said the guy wasn't very talented and he may have been drunk that morning. Howard played the clip where Rob was trying to talk to the guys and joked around about how they made him wait out in the parking lot while they had some other guest on the show promoting that Michael Jackson movie that came out after he died. Rob said he was just joking about being upset about waiting out in the parking lot. The guys on the show got pissed at him about his joking around. Then Rob told them that they should have some material and have some questions for him. They were arguing that they were packed full and they had plenty going on with the show. They told him that it was officially over after he joked one too many times. They were going on and on arguing about the whole thing. Rob kept trying to explain that he was just joking around but they said it wasn't funny. They took a call from a listener who said that the guy sitting in on the show was being the jerk.
Howard said he liked that they went to the phone call to find out if they were the jerks. Howard said the best part is when Rob walks off. Rob said the chick walked off first. Rob said he was left in the studio with the drunk guy. Howard played more of the audio where the host continued to go on with the interview but didn't seem happy with him. Another guy in the studio said that this happens with comedians all the time. Then Rob walked off. They continued to talk about how the interviews don't go well.
Howard said they didn't sound drunk to him. Rob said he was serious and one of the guys said he had vodka in the studio. He said he was either blitzed or untalented. Rob said he tried to stick it out with them but they didn't want him in there. He said that was their interpretation of what went on. Howard said that Rob showed up by himself this morning and without an entourage. Rob said that he's not a huge star, a-hole even though he wants to be.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why this girl he did a movie with never went back to acting after she was in this movie. Rob said he thinks that she didn't really want that kind of career. He said she went on to do some tother stuff. Rob said that things are tough out there for women. He said it's even tough for guys like him and Sandler. He said they have to write their own stuff. The stuff they get offers for are rejects from people like Steve Carell. He said he'll get a script with the ass print of Steve on it.
Howard said that Rob has this new album out and he's happy for him. He said that he's got a song on the album too. Rob told Howard to play a few seconds of ''She's Gonna Come'' from the album. Howard had Gary bring that in so he could play it. They got to that a short time later. Rob said it's actually getting some air play up in Canada. Rob sings in that song. Howard said he's a pretty good singer. Rob said it's a real rock song and it's getting play up in Canada. Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up with Rob a short time later.
Howard came back and had Fred play some George Takei song parodies. He played ''Teenage Mexicans'' again. Howard joked that they're playing it in Canada. Howard played another one which was ''I Love Your Black Wang'' to ''I Don't like Mondays.''
Howard had George do a quick announce for them. George talked about how he wanted to play Robin in a Private Parts movie sequel if there ever is one.
Howard said George might have to do the coffee in the ass scenes for them. Howard told George to pull his pants down and they'll see how much coffee he can take in there. George just laughed. Howard played the ''Purple Wang'' song parody again.
Howard said they had some audio of Scott DePace being chased by a gopher on the golf course. He listened to the audio of that and then watched the quick video that they had. Howard said that should end up on Howard TV.
Howard said he had a lot of audio clips to play and a lot of stuff to discuss. He ended up playing a clip of Larry King talking to a fan about what to do if they wanted to get into the same field that he's in. It was an old radio show clip. Larry didn't have all that much advice for the guy.
Howard said that was from when Larry had his own radio show. He said they had him in the top 3 radio guys. George said it was boring.
Howard said that Richard and Sal have been calling Traido shows again. He played their latest call where Sal asks the host if it's tough to get the jizz stains out of his moustache. Then Richard calls in and brings up the jizz in the moustache thing. Sal called back once again but the host cut him off and hung up on him.
Steve said that the Radio Hall of Fame has inducted Carl Kasell into the radio hall of fame over Howard Stern. Howard said that he should start his own radio hall of fame. He said he could call it the Howard Stern Award. He said he doesn't have the gumption to start one in his own basement like this guy has. Howard said he's the most successful radio personality out there and he isn't even in the radio hall of fame. He said even if you hate what he does, you can't discount what he's done.
Howard said he doesn't get why this Carl Kasell got mad at him. All he said was that he had never heard of him before this hall of fame nomination. JD came in and told Howard about this late night show he does and George Takei had actually heard of it.
JD said this guy talked about Howard on his show. Howard played the clip and they were playing a clip of Howard talking about how successful he was being on NPR. Then Carl calls Howard ''Mr. Stein'' as if he had never heard of him. Howard said he has nothing against this guy. He said he just hadn't heard of him and this whole Radio Hall of Fame thing is a joke.
Howard said anyone can start a hall of fame in their basement and that's what this guy did with the Radio Hall of Fame.
Howard played more of this Carl Kasell guy doing his show and talking about this nomination. One of the guys asked what he thought about Howard Stern not being nominated. Carl said he had never heard of him. The audience laughed. Howard said the guy who runs that whole thing is a joke. He said the lack of talent on radio is a joke too. He said he's successful because so many people on radio are so bad.
Howard said his agent even asked if he wanted to start his own hall of fame. He said he should just to fuck this guy up but he doesn't want to waste his time and be bothered by it. Howard said the names of the people in the Hall of Fame are a joke. He said Imus is in there.
Steve said that Jackie is doing a show this week called ''Jackie's Turn (Jackie Stern)'' where he'll be taking questions about why he left the show and things like that. Howard said that's kind of sad that he'll be doing that. He said he'd like to know who is asking him anything about that. Howard said the answer is very simple. He said Jackie went berserk. He said that's what Jackie should tell the fans when they ask why he left the show.
Howard said he knows guys who are working 6 days a week in markets out there and they're not making anywhere near what Jackie was making. He said Jackie was a millionaire from working on this show. Howard said that never would have happened if he hadn't worked for the show. Jackie thought he could have been doing a million other things. He said he told Jackie to go ahead and do them but he never did. Howard said Jackie wanted his job back a couple of weeks after they pulled if from him but the job was already gone.
Howard said he's thought about bringing Jackie back but Robin always says ''No!'' to him. He said that Jackie can make people crazy. He said he loves the guy so that's why he has his show there. Howard said the fans should laugh at his answers when he tells them why he quit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he'd let Jackie sit in for a week. Robin said that's what she says no to. Howard did an impression of Jackie talking about the negotiations. He spent a short time talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Gayest Week special was great. Howard said he heard a lot of feedback about the special and it was great. He said he heard some of it and there was a lot of Scott taking it in the ass discussion whenever he tuned in. George said he didn't hear it but he did hear about it. He said a lot of gays listen to the show and they were ruffled about the use of the F-word. Not fuck, but fag. The caller said he heard the Geektime replay from Saturday and Ralph is sounding gayer and gayer every week.
Steve said they're re-airing the George Takei's America special tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm. They also have Greg Fitzsimmons doing a show with Bob Saget tonight at Midnight. Robin said she just saw Bob and John Stamos out at dinner over the weekend. She said it was one of the funniest dinners she's ever had. Robin said that there's apparently a feud between John and Mickey Rourke and Mickey was at the restaurant that night so John was terrified that he was going to beat him up.
Howard said he'd like to know what's going on there with Mickey and John. Robin said they'll have to ask him the next time he's in. Robin said John showed up to dinner alone that night. He didn't have any girls with him but he did say that he's dating someone.
Robin said that Robert Pattinson was there at the restaurant. Justin Bieber was there too but she didn't meet either of them. She said she figured that they'd just say hello and that would be it.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. He ran down that list and spent a little time talking about Rob Schneider and his thoughts on pre-nups.
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Robin said she wanted to make an announcement and congratulated her friends Natalie and Patrick on their engagement.
Robin said that she's been going over this Star Trek engagement that George is making in Parsippany, New Jersey. She said that they have some rules about the questions you can ask. She said they say to people that they should make it enjoyable and not ask inappropriate questions. She said they suggest not hugging any of the guests or get into long stories and things like that. George said he doesn't mind a hug. Robin said that they can't do it on stage though.
Robin read about some of the stuff they have for sale there too. She said they have Star Fleet mugs, shirts and things like that. She said one of the biggest events is the costume parade. Howard said he's seen some of them.
George said on Sunday they wanted to break the world record for the most Star Trek costumes at one convention but he's not sure what the result was.
Howard played another interview that Richard got at the Star Trek convention he went to. He asked the guy why he was a big fan of Data and the guy was explaining that and talking about what he was expecting to get there at the convention.
Robin read about how Jeri Ryan gets $100 to pose for pictures at these things. Robin said it's just $40 to get a picture taken with George.
Robin read a story about a Sauna world championship that was held in Helsinki. She said that a guy died from burns from sitting in the 230 degree room. He burned to death in there. Howard said that's craziness. Robin said the guy was in his 60s and he was 6 minutes into the round when he died. Robin said the reining champion was bleeding and shaking from the burns he got. Robin said they didn't say how long the winner was in there.
Howard took a call from a woman, Deena, who said that she was on Superfan Roundtable with Underdog Lady last week and Underdog was crying pretty much the whole time. She said that they just played along with it and they all pretended to have something in common with her. She said they had Jim Florentine and Don Jamieson on and they made it very tough on her. She said that Underdog was crying and stuff while this was going on. Howard told JD he has to pull some clips for him. Deena said they wanted to take it for Howard TV but she wouldn't allow it.
Howard wondered why she associates with the Howard Stern Show if she's so offended by him. Deena said that she may not even know she's on the channel. She said they don't remind her about it. Howard said he's going to play some clips tomorrow.
Ralph called in and said that he can't believe Jeri Ryan is getting $100 and George is just getting $40 for pictures at the convention. Howard said it's probably a girl thing. He said that the guys taking pictures with her are probably willing to pay a lot to get close to a hot chick like her. Ralph said that George should be higher than that.
Howard asked Ralph if he's going to the convention. Ralph said he's not even though it's pretty close. Ralph said that they do run some great conventions with that company (Creation Entertainment). Howard let Ralph go after that.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about Laurence Fishburn's daughter and the porn movie she's going to be in. Howard said this girl says she's always dreamt of being a porn star. She claims she's not doing it to get back at her father or anything. That led to George talking about how he's met Laurence and talked about what a great actor he is. Howard said he felt bad for the guy. He said his kid is going to be a porno star.
Robin read a story about Fantasia Barino making a home sex tape. Howard said he might have to tell his kids not to make a home sex tape. Robin said that they should also tell the kids not to have sex anywhere but at their own homes. She said that the guys could have tapes in their own homes. Robin read about how this sex tape thing came up and how Barino was involved. Howard said he can't stand to see her with her clothes on. He can't imagine her with her clothes off.
Robin read a story about the bodies of 10 Christian Aid workers being returned from Afghanistan. Robin said they were killed there last week. Howard said they shouldn't be shocked when things like this happen. Robin said this made her realize that she has to go over there. She said that women deserve to have opportunities. George asked her to please not go over there. George told her to do her work here. Robin said they can't hear it over there. George asked what she can do over there that she can't do here. Robin said she can talk to women and girls over there and tell them they deserve to have rights. Robin read the details of the killings and said that the Taliban is taking credit.
Robin said that President Obama is going to be making a speech today. She read about that and also read about how this is the anniversary of the bombing of Nagasaki, Japan in 1945. Robin said that they don't know exactly how many people it killed back then.
Robin read about the first Test Tube Baby giving birth to her own child. Robin said that the new baby was born via Caesarian Section. Robin said the woman is 29 years old now and she had her own baby the old fashioned way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's hoping that Howard and Mel can talk about keeping the show there. He said that he should be able to convince Mel to move the show to like 8 in the morning. Howard said that's a good point because he woke up this morning not understanding why he has to be up at that time of the morning. He said he was in the frame of mind that he might want to pack it in while he was on vacation. Robin said she has people asking what he's going to do and she has no idea. Howard said he doesn't even know what he's going to be doing. Howard said he enjoys his life and his time with Beth and his kids. Robin didn't think that he did enjoy life that much but he said he does.
Robin read a story about the repeal of Prop 8 in California. Robin read some details of that story and why it was overturned.
Robin read about a convention that was coming up about cancer and your career. Howard said that doesn't sound like fun. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about what they'll be discussing there. Howard said he wishes that they'd come up with a cure already.
Robin read about Tiger Woods and how tough this year has been for him. She read about how he did over the weekend in a golf match. Tiger didn't enjoy the game because he shot 18 over. Robin said that he's lost everything this year. He came in 78th out of 80 players. Robin said this was his worst performance since he became a pro in 1996. Howard said this guy has to get his shit together. He said he should talk to that guy Tony Robbins. He said maybe that guy can fix him right up after walking on hot coals. Robin had some audio clips of Tiger talking about how poorly he did.
Robin read about pot farming and how they're saying there's a good reason not to allow people to grow this stuff. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how it can harm the environment. Howard said maybe that's because it's illegal and they're not the best farmers out there. They might take better care if they could grow it legally.
Robin read about two boys, between 7 and 12, who killed a pet dog in Omaha, Nebraska. Robin had some audio of the dog owner talking about what happened. Robin said they haven't caught the kids yet but there's a $1,000 reward for their capture.
Robin read a story about how early girls are developing now. She said it's because of the hormones that are in the food we eat now. Howard said he knows a 14 year old who is going through menopause. Robin said that they've proven that slow maturation leads to long life and quick maturation leads to an early death. Howard asked George if he could imagine a 10 year old with a full bush. Robin said that in the 1800s they say that a girl didn't start menstruating until 17. That was the average age back then. Now it's 11. Robin said that kids are more likely to have eating disorders and commit suicide if they mature that early.
Robin read about Wyclef Jean and how he's thinking of running for president of Haiti. Howard said they say he's not qualified at all. Robin said that no one is. He can't be any worse than anyone else. Robin said that Sean Penn and Wyclef's former band mate isn't behind him in all of this. Howard wondered what Gene Simmons thinks about this if they're asking Sean Penn. Robin said that Penn says that Wyclef has been a non-presence over there until now.
Robin read about how there are a lot of employers saying that it's tough to find people to work even though the unemployment rate is so high right now.
Robin read about how it's the 15th anniversary of Jerry Garcia's death. She had some Grateful Dead music for Howard to play.
Robin had some news about Cher and how she'll be back in the movie theaters. She's going to be in a movie called ''Burlesque.'' Robin had some audio of Cher in the movie.
Robin read about Jet Li being in the new movie ''The Expendable's'' which also had Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and other action film actors. Robin had some audio of Jet talking about the movie.
Robin read about the new movie ''Eat, Pray, Love'' which is coming out. Howard said Beth saw a preview of that movie.
Robin had some audio of some of the stars talking about ''The Other Guys'' movie too. Howard didn't lst too long with those clips.
Robin read about how Katy Perry is going to be hosting the Teen Choice Awards. Howard said she keeps getting better and better looking. Howard said she seems to have slimmed down a little bit. Robin had some audio of her talking about the hosting gig.
Robin had a story about a model who is suing The Price Is Right. Howard said the girls don't get that they hire hot girls to do that job and if they get pregnant, they're not hot anymore. They're hired for their looks. Robin said this woman was pregnant and not allowed to return for over a year. Then she was fired abruptly.
Robin said she just read that Van Halen is back in the studio with David Lee Roth. Howard said he's not sure they can make the magic happen anymore. That might not be the best idea.
Howard wrapped up the show and mentioned that the ''George Takei's America'' special is on tonight at 7. They ended the show around 11:00am.
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Jon moved on to talk about the stuff he wanted to talk about today and Gary missed the Jackie part of the show so he asked Jon what that was about. Jon explained how Howard went on a 10 minute rip on Jackie during the show about his contract. Gary said he's talked to Jackie about that bunch of times and he gets different answers every time. He said that it can either be about the money or about the hours. He said he thinks that it's all about the money though.
Jon said they should talk about George Takei sitting in. He said that it changes the entire vibe of the studio when he sits in. Gary said he could listen to George talking about his Sunday hand jobs all day long. He said he was telling the guys that early this morning.
Jon said that George gets fully involved when he talks about anything. He goes out on all of these excursions and things when they're in the city. Jon said that George is 73 and he's got tons of energy.
Jon asked about the mess of Benjy's that they had to clean up. Gary said it wasn't that big of a deal. He said he had a lot of stuff to go through this morning. He said Scott the Engineer came in and told him about the mess there. He said that he went in and looked and had them move the stuff. He said Scott had his intern do it.
Gary said Benjy isn't a neat person so he makes a mess when he works. He had to be spoken to about that at K-Rock when they were there.
Jon brought up how George was talking about his relationship with Brad and how Howard always makes George think about stuff when he comes in. Today it was about the Sunday thing and how George is the one who initiates. He said that George was thinking about that and how it could affect his personal life.
George came in around that time so he said d he wasn't going to get into the personal stuff this time but Howard has a way of getting it out of you. He said that there are occasional times when Brad initiates but it's almost always him.
Jon said that George said that he had been woken up by guys in the past who were on him. George said he wakes up thinking he's dreaming but then he gets up and sees that it isn't a dream.
George said he loves coming back but he learns a thing or two when he comes in. He said with Rob Schneider it was fascinating hearing him. He said he's funny and very interesting.
Gary asked George about how he was kind of surprised how they can use a sound byte all day long. He said they were using that one clip of George sounding excited. Gary said George told Fred it wasn't funny anymore. Gary said that's what he said after he said ''Baba Booey'' for the first time. Fred didn't hear that conversation but when George told him it wasn't funny anymore, Fred told him the same thing about the ''Baba Booey.''
George said he did another Sharp TV commercial and he did the ''Oh My'' thing again. He said they have a 3D TV coming out with the Quattron technology in it. He said they use the phrase ''Oh My'' in it but he doesn't say it. He said that's all he will say about it at this point.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard was talking to George about finishing with a man in the mouth and George made that sound of sex that Fred was replaying during the news.
George said that he and Howard have different tastes in music and stuff so he has never heard of many of the things he talks about on the show.
Jon asked George about how Richard had lost weight and how he looked different to him. George said that he thinks that he'd like to see what his new body looks like. Gary said he has been working out so he might come in and drop his pants for him.
George said he noticed that other people lost weight. He said that Scott the Engineer had lost some. He said he didn't remember his name at first. He said that Benjy doesn't look like he's lost a lot. Gary had lost some and George said that he noticed that too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves when George is on the show. George thanked him for that and said he had a good time on the show. He said he's looking forward to lunch now. The guy said that for a 73 year old man you can't tell his age. George said his grandmother lived to be 105 and his goal is to beat her by at least a year.
The guys talked about the Radio Hall of Fame thing that they went over today. Jon and Gary talked about how it gets under Howard's skin. Gary said that Howard is obviously the biggest innovator of the past 30 years and he should be the one getting the credit for that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he likes George on the show and he likes hearing him talking about his struggle for equality. He said he sees now that being a homosexual is something that's not a choice and it's something you're born with. He thanked George for showing him that. George said he's happy that he's showing an open mind like that. George went on to talk about the gay marriage thing for a short time.
The guys ended up talking about Scott DePace and his homophobic ways. Gary said that he's the kind of guy who will give you an ''Ugh'' when you're talking about gay stuff.
Gary told George a story about DePace living out in the Santa Monica area and he signed up for a gym and he felt the guy might be gay so he said ''There sure are a lot of fags in here...'' to test the guy and the guy ended up walking away. Gary said that he could have just asked him if he had a girlfriend instead.
Gary said that Scott probably thinks that Gay marriage is a thing they're going to have to live with. Scott came in around that time so he was saying that he doesn't have a phobia. He said that he does say that it's gross when he hears George talking about Brad blowing him and vice versa. He said that one of the guys wasn't able to eat his yogurt this morning after hearing those stories.
George said that Scott doesn't have to work there. Scott said he thinks it's gross when he hears stories about men on men. George said there are things that men do to women that are stomach turning to him.
George said that it's often the most closeted people who have the biggest reactions to this kind of thing. Scott said all gay people want to think that they're all closeted. He said that he's never beat a guy for being gay or anything like that. George said that's good.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks that he's homophobic. Scott said he's not and if he was he wouldn't have shaken George's hand this morning when he saw him. He said he doesn't care either way. He said if he had the choice, he would vote for everything to be equal. He said he'll take that if they give him drilling for oil in Alaska.
George and Scott argued over what the meaning of the word ''marriage'' means. Scott said to him it means it's between a man and a woman. He said it's like they're trying to change the whole meaning of the word. George said that just isn't true. He and Scott argued over that for a short time. Scott said that he's not the only one there who thinks this is the truth. He said that young Will believes the same thing. Gary said that Will isn't there so they're talking to him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary asked why George does them and if it's because he likes it or is it for the money. George said that the fans made the show what it is. He said they see the movies many times, they buy the merchandise and it's great the way the fans have treated the show. Gary asked if he does it for the financial gain or because of the fans. George said he does it to say thank you to the fans. He said they have given so much support and he appreciates that.
Gary asked if the fans ever go too far. George said there are some who don't take baths and things like that. He said there are baseball fans like that too though. He said there are also opera fans who are like that. George said that the fans are great and they understand the message that Gene Rodenberry had in those shows.
Jon asked if the fans appreciate George as George or is it as Sulu. George said that they know him as an actor and they know it's a play he's doing. George said they understand that.
George told Jon and Gary about a play he did and how they had cast most of the Japanese out of Japan but they cast him because they wanted to sell tickets. He said that the producer told him that he was a draw because of the Star Trek films.
George said that there are some people who think they've been straight jacketed by their roles on Star Trek but he thinks it's all in their minds. He said that you eventually make your peace with it but there are other jobs out there for them. George said he has done many things that he wouldn't have been able to do without Star Trek.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that George seems to be a great human being. He said that what he's done with his life is most impressive. The caller said that he's very genuine when he comes in and it's very entertaining. The caller asked what kind of education he has. He said he comes across as being very proper. George said that he's not sure how he compares to Scott DePace but he does have a bachelors and masters. He said he studied in England and in Tokyo. His degree is in theater arts. Jon told Scott to tell them where his degree is from. Scott said it's from Glassboro State but that school is now known as Rowan. Jon didn't understand why he'd be thrown off by that question. Scott said that Jon is so condescending. He said he was comparing him to UCLA and George's education. He said he should have asked Gary where he went to school. Gary said he went to Adelphi and it's had the same name for years.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he considers himself a man of faith and he'd like to know if George or anyone else in there who knows of a faith that says homosexuality is okay. George said that Buddhism does. He didn't have long to answer that question though so he had to rush. He said he does believe in other people's right to believe what they want. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about the fun and exciting show they were going to be doing today. George Takei was sitting in so Howard had him do a quick announce. This one was about the staff and the different things that the staff is up to. George asked if he's in the twilight zone or something.
Howard said that JD got a crew cut so he's wondering if he's still getting laid. Howard asked him to come in and give them an update on the stripper and the hair stylist. JD came in and said that the stripper chick is also his hair stylist. Howard said she might need to go back to cosmetology class.
Howard said that there was a movie called Phenomenon and wondered if it was like that when she started to groom him and they make love after. JD said it wasn't like that. Howard said it's really tough to get a story out of JD.
Howard asked JD how the hair cut happened. JD didn't remember a lot of the details so he said ''I don't know'' a lot when Howard questioned him. Howard asked if she shampooed his hair and stuff. JD said he took a shower first. He said she cut his hair after that. Howard asked if she was wearing a sexy outfit. JD said ''I guess...''
Howard said Beth cut his toe nails the other day and he had a boner while she did it. Howard said she took out the clippers and the file and it made him hard. He said someone was taking care of him and it turned him on. He asked JD if that hair cut turned him on. JD said it was just a hair cut. Fred, as JD, said he used to jerk off when his barber cut his hair.
JD said he had to tell the chick that his hair twas short enough. He doesn't like it too long but this is really short. Howard said she has no talent in the hair cutting thing. Howard said this is his girlfriend but JD said she's not a girlfriend. JD said he hasn't even seen her in a week. He said he's antisocial and he doesn't like to hang out with people. Howard said JD isn't very needy. JD just said ''I dunno...''
Howard said JD isn't exactly in demand. He said he's got this super hot stripper who wants to date him and she's banging his brains out and he's just saying ''take it or leave it.'' He said that's kind of healthy in a sense. He said he figured he'd be putting a ring on her finger by now. JD said that's not happening. Howard said
JD can barely blow a load with this chick. JD told him to calm down. Howard said she has to pull on that thing like a piece of taffy. JD laughed.
Howard asked JD if he thinks he's evolved or what. JD said he knows he's fucked up. Howard said it must be like he died and went to heaven when she's with her. JD said he likes her and all but he's not like that. Howard said this should be moving along rapidly. JD asked why. Robin said there's no reason for it not to. Howard asked if she wants to get together more. JD said she does and they will. Howard said he figured she'd be moved into his apartment by now and he'd have her under lock and key.
Howard asked George if he and Brad shower together. George said they do. He said they dry off and get into bed before doing anything else. George told JD he should try that too. JD said he doesn't do that. Howard told JD he should try the wrestling thing with her. He said he can get that musculature thing going on that George and Brad have.
Howard said JD is a lady killer. George said he looks like it. Howard said that this chick must have an accent. JD said she doesn't. Howard said JD is a player. He figured he'd have her over to his house every night. He heard that she's exceptional. That's what Ronnie told him. Howard said he thought JD was high when he would hold out for hot chicks but he's got it goin' on.
George asked JD if he's looking for someone to spend his life with. JD said he's not. He said he hasn't felt that way with anyone so far. Howard said JD laid down the law with this chick. JD said he's not sure if it's him or what but he hasn't found anyone he wants to spend his life with.
George said JD is playing the field. Robin said that's some field. Howard said he gave JD his name and he thinks that's why he's so charming. JD said he likes it better than Jamie. Howard said for a macho guy like him, the JD thing works. He said that he'd like to give him a makeover but he's not sure what he can do with him as long as these chicks are cutting his hair. He said maybe that chick wanted to chase other women away with that hair cut.
Howard said Beth gave JD a makeover but he didn't stick with the look. He said he's impressed with this whole thing though. He asked when he's going to see this chick again. JD said he'll see her soon. Howard said he's too needy. He said that he would want the chick over at his place all the time. Howard said he has to see this chick. JD said he's not sure she'd want that. Howard said he's not going to show anyone, he just wants to see it himself.
George said it's wonderful that so many people care for him there. JD said sometimes he wishes they didn't care for him that much.
Howard said he has 4 months left on his contract and he's thinking about retiring but then he thinks about JD and what he's going to do with his life. JD said that he'll be fine if he leaves. Howard said he figured he'll become Jamie again if he leaves. JD said he'll be fine. Howard asked what he's going to do if he leaves. JD said he'll find something. He has no idea what that is but he'll find something.
Howard said he heard that JD's dream is to open a strip club. JD said Jason gets his shit wrong. He said he really wants to be a filmmaker. He said that to keep the money going he'd like to have something like a strip club. He said that's not his ultimate dream to have a strip club. He said that would be a hobby.
Howard asked JD when he's going to make a film. JD said he's made stuff for Artie's web site. Howard said he just filmed Artie and put clips up. JD said he edited them. Howard just laughed. JD told him to shut up.
Howard asked George if he could imagine JD directing him. George said he can probably charm people into doing things for him. He said he's not sure if he'd work with him or not. Howard said by the time you're 30 you have to be in the business. JD said he's kind of in the business. JD said he could start P.A.ing on movies if Howard leaves.
Howard said JD will open a strip club but that's a full time job. JD said that's just a dream he has. Robin said that's exactly what Jason was saying earlier. JD said ''Whatever...''
Howard said this new girl could be his first stripper. That would be one depressing strip club with one girl. He said he can start it in his apartment with her getting naked there. Robin asked if the hair cutting thing is part of her act. JD was barely responding at this point.
George told JD he has to get capital for making a movie. JD said he has thought about some stuff but he's not sure what he'd make a movie about. Howard said he has to check out ''Kick Ass'' because it was great. He said he liked it a lot and he was hoping it did well in the box office. He said he was hoping for a sequel.
Howard asked George what JD should do if he wants to make a movie. George said you have to get out there and make one. He said there are a lot of people in school who make films and you just have to do it. Howard told JD he should make something for Howard TV. JD said he'll do that if he thinks of something. He said he'd do that if he had thought of anything. Robin told him to think about it and get to work. She wondered when this idea is going to fall on him. JD said he doesn't know.
Howard said the Howard TV guys are willing to help him make a movie. JD said he will do something. He said he has some ideas but he has nothing he wants to talk about. Howard told him he could have this idea to open a strip club, like Kick Ass, and he opens it up and it does really well.
Howard and Robin threw a few ideas out to JD but JD didn't sound interested. Howard said he could do the strip club in the apartment thing. He said he could call it ''Slut Club.'' Fred said he liked the title. Fred told him he could do it in 3D too... ''Slut Club 3D.'' The guys thought the title was pretty catchy.
Howard told JD to stick with him and gave him some ideas for the movie. He said that JD would have to dress up as a chick and dance. He could be Jay-me'' instead of JD. Howard said that he's trying to help this guy out but he doesn't want the help.
Robin asked if a filmmaker just takes their favorite movie and tries to do a smaller version of it. Howard said he could do that too. Fred, as JD, said ''Okay, I'll do Avatar.'' He would call it ''Re-Avatar'' and he'd have 3D retards in it. Howard said he'll shoot that. He said he'd love to have all retards in 3D. He told Fred to drop the JD voice so they can talk about it and option it. He said that would make a fortune. Howard said he needs a star so he wants George in it.
Howard said JD could do a 3D movie of Spider-Man vs the Retards. Fred said they should make that. Howard said they could have the retards instead of zombies. Howard said George could be the leader of the 3D retards. George told JD to get up off that seat and just do it.
Howard said George can wear the Star Trek outfit. George said they'll have to get permission for that. Howard said they can call him ''Suru'' instead of ''Sulu'' if they don't get permission from Paramount to use the character.
George suggested that JD make Private Parts 2. JD said Howard wouldn't like that. Howard told him to go head and do it.
Howard told JD that his girl really butchered his hair. JD told him to shut up. Howard said JD knows it. JD said ''whatever...'' Howard asked if he thinks she did a good job. JD said ''I guess...'' He said he told her her wanted something short.
Howard asked if he banged her afterward. JD said he did. Howard said that's good for him. Howard asked where Benjy was. He just ran out of the studio for some unknown reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should have JD make a video of him fucking this girl. That's the only thing that would sell. The guy also asked JD if he's making this girl cum. Fred did his JD voice and mumbled some stuff about that. The real JD said he is making her cum.
Another caller asked JD if she does a striptease for him. JD said she doesn't. Fred, as JD again, said ''when she's off the clock, she's on my cock.''
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Howard got Riley on the phone and Riley sounded a bit out of it. He said hi to George and said he's always loved him. George said the feeling is mutual. Howard said Riley gets most of his bullshit from Star Trek. A lot of that nonsense comes from that show like the prime directive thing. Riley said that he may have tapped into some of that stuff. Howard said Riley's stuff sounds very much like the Star Trek shows.
Riley said that he would like Howard to comply with his request. Robin told him that Howard may not even be there for 2 more years. Riley said he'll hunt him down then. Riley was going on and on about that and sounded like he was slurring his words so Howard asked if he was loaded. Riley didn't answer.
Riley said that he'd like 4 hours a week. Howard said they gave him one hour and that's enough of him. He said he doesn't have 4 hours in him. Howard said he can go to any station he wants and get as many hours as he wants. Riley told Howard to make it happen. Howard sand Robin said that Riley has to make it happen himself. Howard said the most he can do is give him an hour a week.
Riley said he has to hear Howard for 16 hours a day playing with himself. He said there will not be a future for Howard. He said he's a sorry, big bird looking bastard. Howard said everyone in this world gives him nothing and he's giving him a hard time. Howard said he's the only one who is paying him to work for him. Howard said he gave him something out of the goodness of his heart and this is how he treats him. Riley said that he has to teach Howard how to stay alive but he's just an ''insignificant negro.'' Howard asked why he doesn't just quit. Riley said that he has a job to do. Howard said most employers won't tolerate a drunken negotiation either.
Howard said he doesn't have 4 hours a week to give him. Riley said that Howard has the money and if he loves him he has to show it. Howard said he doesn't love him. He said he has to talk sense to Riley. He said he met him and thought he was interesting so he gave him a job. Riley said he met him 13,000 years ago. Howard said he still doesn't get it after 13,000 years.
Howard said he has to explain it to Riley. Robin told him he can go anywhere and get 4 hours a week. Riley said that she's an unrequited bitch. Howard told him to stop insulting Robin. Howard wanted to explain to Riley what the deal is. Riley wouldn't let him speak.
Howard said the easy way out is just to say he supports him in this. He said he'll tell Tim that. He said if Tim complies then he's good to go. Riley said that Howard is funny looking. Howard asked why he has to insult him like that. Howard said they should give Riley 24 hours a week with 2 weeks vacation. Riley said he should get 2 weeks of Howard gets 3 months of vacation.
Riley said Howard has changed a good portion of the world's existence. Howard thanked him for that and tried to let him go. Riley was still talking to Robin and how he'd like to glom on to her tits. He told Howard ''fuck you'' and Howard wished him luck. He said he supports him and he'll pass the word on to Tim. Riley told him to just do it. Howard said he can't just do it. He has to let Tim handle that. He let Riley go and played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to Riley as aliens who decided that he wasn't the best representative of the aliens. They also had Wendy the Retard call him as an alien and Steve the Engineer called as a gay alien.
Robin asked how Will is doing with his business. Howard said they called him the other day to do some stuff on the show and they suggested some weird stuff for him to do. He said he was willing to do some really strange stuff.
Howard said they might have to test Will, Bobo and Steve Grillo in the IQ thing. Robin said that Will might come out on top if that's the case.
Howard played the audio of Will Murray talking to Will the Farter about the ideas they had for him. They have a $5,000 prize for him if he's willing to do some of this stuff. Murray asked if he'd give his mom a bikini wax. Will said he'd do that if he got the 5 grand. Murray said they'd line up 3 women topless and he'd grab boobs and recognize his mom's boobs. Will said he'd do that too. He said that's better than the bikini wax. Howard said it sounds like he just wants to feel his mom up.
Howard asked Will to blast one into the phone for George so he can hear what he does. Will let out a big one after sucking some air into his ass. George laughed his ass off when he heard that. He said he thinks he was in there when he did some of that stuff one time.
Howard said he'd love to see him give his mom a bikini wax. Robin said she'd like to see him feel up his mom and not win the 5 grand. Howard said the bikini wax would be great. Robin said she'd like to see either one but she'd like to see him walk out of there penniless.
Howard played more of the audio and Will was asked if he'd make out with High Pitch Eric. Will said no. Murray asked if he'd sniff fingers of women who fingered themselves with his mom in the mix. Will said she wouldn't do that one. He was in if she was up for it. Murray asked if he'd let his mom lick his ball sack. Will said he'd do that for the 20 grand. Murray asked if he'd shit in a diaper and his mom would eat a spoon full of it. Will said she's not going to do that.
Murray asked Will if he'd beat a cat or a dog. Will said no to that. He was asked if he'd give a homeless guy a hand job. Will thought about that one. He said for 20 grand he could probably make himself do that. Murray let him go after that.
Howard said that they can figure out what they want his mom to do now. He asked Robin what they should do. Robin laughed. Robin said she wants the bikini wax. Howard asked if she wanted the fingering thing. Robin said she probably wouldn't go for that. Howard said the licking of the ball sack thing is pretty bad. Robin said the de-hairing of the place he came out of might be good.
Howard asked Will if he told his mom about this stuff. Will said he told her that they might get booked on the show and something gross might happen but that's it. Will said that he might go for some of those things that they suggested. He said he could probably tell which boobs were his mom's. He said they're kind of imprinted in his brain.
Howard asked if they could have his mom talk dirty to him until he gets a boner. If he gets hard he wins 5 grand. Will said no to that one. He said he's pretty sure his mom won't let him bikini wax her either. He said the ball licking thing probably won't happen either. He was taking all of that stuff back.
Howard said Will has to call his mom and run the ideas past her. Howard asked how many of them she'd go for. Will said he's not sure. He said she's sleeping downstairs right now. Howard told him to wake her up and put her on the phone.
Will got his mom up and told her to get on the phone. Will said that she told him not to put her on with any filth. Howard told him to explain what they were about to do.
Howard got the mom on the line and told her that they were on the air. She said she heard some of the horrible stuff they wanted him to do. Howard said he has to ask her what she'd be willing to do. Howard told her about the bikini wax thing. She didn't hear that so he had to explain it again. Mom said that she would not do that. Howard told her about letting Will feel her up with two other women. He has to figure out which boobs were hers. She said she won't do that either. Mom said she knows that he needs the money for a down payment on a house but she can't do that. She said she'd have to think about the boob thing.
Howard told Mom about the fingering thing and she said no as soon as she heard that. She said no about 20 times. Howard said that was for 10 grand. Then he bumped it up to the 20 grand and told her about the ball licking thing. She said no to that stuff too.
Will tried farting in his mom's face. She said that this stuff is ridiculous. She said she can't believe they woke her up for this. She told him to get away from her. She said he will just walk up to her and fart in her face. Howard said he's so talented with that farting though. Howard said the tittie thing might happen. She said that's a big question mark right now. Howard thanked Mom for talking to them.
Mom asked why she never got a picture from him. Howard told her to get down there and they'll talk about that.
Will got back on the phone and told Howard about how his mother is living there because they have nowhere else to go. Will asked if he had any money to throw his way. Howard said he didn't have anything right now. Robin asked what happened to his business. Will said that it goes up and down. He said he's doing a festival in Richmond in September. He said he'll be doing the dart thing with his ass there at a comedy festival. He said he's going to be in a movie too. Will said that's coming out in October.
Howard said he would go see Will shooting darts out of his ass. He told him to call in when he wants to promote that stuff. He let him go a short time later. Howard said he didn't have any money to give Will. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about how great Adam's voice is in that Counting Crows song. He said he was listening to an album of his the other day and he's impressed with the styles he can cover. Howard said he remade a Joni Mitchell song and it was really good. Howard said that's not an easy song to cover.
Howard said that Joni Mitchell might be going crazy. He read a story about her where they talked about how she's having trouble with Bob Dylan. She did an interview where she called him a fake back in April. She was talking about how he was a phony because of his name change but she also changed her name. Howard read about her blasting some other people. He said the one person she didn't bad mouth was Jimi Hendrix.
Howard said that George Takei is there so he had him do an announce. George read one about the gifts he had for the staff. He said he had some no-doze for Gary. He told Baba Booey to wake up.
Howard said there was a funny one about Robin's green drink that George should read. He had George look for that one so he could read that one to Robin. Fred played George's cumming sound clip while he looked. He wasn't able to find it.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about John Secada saying that Howard Stern should replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. Howard said he's really not looking for that. Howard said what he'd like to do is stay there for a few days a week or he's out of the business. He said he was talking to an advisor of his the other day and he asked him what the fuck he was doing. Howard said he's been bitching about getting out and if they don't want to make a deal then he's out. Howard said he wonders about the rest of the crew and the guy said that's a good point but they don't even know how much the rest of them want to work. Robin said she wants to work. Howard said that's not helping him.
Howard said he couldn't be on American Idol. He said that this comedian Sebastian Manciotti (Maniscalco) joked about how awful that show is. Howard said he's been in the business for a long time and he gets jealous of guys like Howie Mandel who just tell people if they can go to Las Vegas or not. Howard said that he wants a job like that. He said it would be a waste of his talent though. He said that would be like Albert Einstein being a plumber.
Howard said he could be a good judge on those shows but he would prepare. He said he would be ready to do that stuff. He said most of the judges just sit there like gloms.
Howard said the whole American Idol thing got started because he was in meetings with a major network about doing a show. He said it wasn't American Idol. He said they sat him down and said that they had bought the rights to a show and they wanted to build it around him. Howard said he could pick the other two judges. Howard said he would have had Robin on that show. Howard said they sat him down and it was a very complimentary meeting. Howard said they were willing to do anything to get him to do the show. He said it was already green lit and ready to go on this network that will remain nameless.
Howard said he sat down and thought about the job and it would have been a cush job. Howard said it could have been like him being a zombie. He said this guy Piers Morgan is a good judge and that's the kind of job he wants. He said he wants to do nothing and get paid to do it.
Howard said they really wanted him to do this show. He said they were even willing to do it in New York. He said he wouldn't have to move out to L.A. to do it. Howard said he sat down and thought about it and he started to talk to the business affairs department. Then he thought about it and wondered what he was doing. He said he figured that was done already and he didn't want to just be another judge. Maybe he was over thinking it. He said it seemed too basic. He said his talents are more than that.
Howard said he can sit in front of a microphone for 5 hours and bring entertainment to people. He said that judging is nothing like that. He could do it but he wouldn't even have to bring his brain to the taping. George said that he could have been really great on that show.
Howard said if he retires he has plans. He said he could open a strip club and get his film career going. He said he could be a director. Howard said he would really go to the gym. Then he'd have lunch. After lunch he'd take a nap. Then he would meditate. He said that would bring him up to 1 in the afternoon. He said he'd play a game of chess after that. Howard said after chess he would take a chess lesson. He'd go over the games with his instructor and that would bring him up to 4 o'clock. Howard said this is a good day for him. He said he'd ask Beth to go to a movie or dinner or just stay home and watch TV. He said they did that last night when they watched The Real L Word together. that would bring him up to 8 o'clock and he'd just watch more TV. He said then he'd go to bed and do the same thing the next day. Howard said he'd be happy doing that.
George said that Howard needs another mountain to climb. Howard said he doesn't need another mountain to climb. He's ready to relax.
Howard said the TV shows keep him busy. He said he'd just watch TV and play chess day after day. He said he could take some time off from work and them maybe make a come back. Howard said he could go to Afghanistan and teach women like Robin wanted to do.
George said Howard can't be bought so maybe he could be a politician. Howard said he sure can be bought. He's wrong about that.
Lisa G got back to her news and said they have more about the IQ tests and heard about Scott DePace telling his son that he has a lot to look forward to with the DePace brain. Scott told Howard he was just joking when he said that. Lisa said Scott told his older son this but not his younger one because he still has his doubts on him.
Howard said he was listening to some of that stuff on the Wrap Up Show and it's really out of control. Howard said he heard Scott talking about how he doesn't think that gays should be able to call a marriage a marriage. Scott said they can get married but ''marriage'' shouldn't be the word they use.
Scott said he didn't even bring it up on that show. He said they asked his opinion on it and that's all he was giving. Howard said he can't believe this guy has that high of an IQ with a thought process like that. Gary said that Scott was saying that he wants drilling for oil in Alaska if he's going to give gays marriage. Scott claims that was a joke too.
Scott said he wants George to have everything that everyone else has in marriage but not call it marriage. He said that he's fine with him having the same rights. George and Scott went back and forth on that. Scott told Howard he's sorry he doesn't agree with his opinion. Howard said that opinion doesn't count.
Howard had Richard come right in. Richard said he was waiting right outside. Lisa didn't want to see it so she ran out.
Richard said he was thinking of coming in with a huge hard on but he changed his mind. Howard told Richard to just strip down and get out. He didn't want to drag it out too long. Richard stripped down but George said that he still jiggled a little bit. He said he needs to do some sit ups. Richard showed him his balls and George said ''Bravo!'' to him for being shaved. He said this only happens on the Howard Stern Show. He told Richard to work out some more. Richard said he's been doing push ups. He said he's also running a lot. He said he runs 4-5 miles.
Robin said she wasn't looking. She was looking at her monitor. Howard told her to take a look. Robin said George was loving it. Robin said she doesn't want to look at Richard. George sounded impressed.
Howard asked George if he would have sex with Richard if he wasn't with Brad. George whispered that Brad might be listening.
Howard asked Richard about this weird dent he had above his cock. Richard said it wasn't there before he lost the weight. Howard said it looks like Sal's teeth ran into him there. Richard said he could give George a lap dance if he wanted. Howard told Richard it was enough.
Fred kept playing sound clips of George making odd sounds and saying things like ''Actually, I like to touch...'' while they were talking to Richard.
Richard said he likes working out because he can have a few extra drinks after that. George said he must feel great because he looks so much better after losing the weight. George also said that Richard is well hung. Howard said he had enough and sent Richard out of there. Richard had to put his clothes back on before he left. Howard had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that he had Jon Favreau on the phone the other day and he said if he really wanted to thank him for being a fan he would have sent some Iron Man stuff over. Howard said he got a big box from Jon and thought it was going to be some Iron Man stuff. It turns out to be a pre-release Iron Man Maquette. He said it's like something you can buy in the store. He said that it's a miniature replica of Iron Man in a pose but it's like a doll. Howard said he's 56 and he's not going to put that in his apartment. Howard said he wanted some real memorabilia from the movie, not a toy.
Howard told Gary to bring in his Maquette. He showed it to the guys and asked where he's going to put that. He said he's not 5 years old. Howard said it's very nice. Gary said that it has a book that came with it and it shows all of the different Maquettes they make. Howard said Jason was looking at it like it was the greatest thing he's ever seen. He may give it to him.
Jon Favreau called in and asked what he has to do for him now. Jon said that Ralph would have shit his pants if he sent him this. Howard said he didn't want a toy. Jon told him to give it to Ralph then. Howard said he's going to give it to Jason. Jon said that he's going to send Howard Robert Downey's pinkie.
Howard said he likes the thing but it's just not for him. He said he doesn't have to do anything at all for him. He said it was a nice gesture. Jon said he apologizes for sending that thing over there. Howard told him to just send him a McDonald's cup or something. Howard said naming Garry Shandling's character Senator Stern was plenty for him.
Howard talked about how great Garry Shandling was as Larry Sanders. He said he was just watching an episode the other night and it was so funny. He said there's an article in GQ about Shandling this month if anyone is interested.
Howard said they say Gary has a lot of money but he's not sure how. Jon said they have the show syndicated so he must be getting money from that. Howard said he's not sure how big the show is though. He said he can't have that kind of fuck you money. Jon said he has no divorces too so that helps.
Jon told Howard that Gary will help out with movies and give notes and stuff. He said he doesn't get paid to do it. He's just a creative guy and a great guy. He's like a mentor. Howard said there's something wrong with him but he is brilliant. Howard said he should be doing something.
Robin said that Howard is talking about quitting and he's telling Garry Shandling he should be doing something. Howard said he has accomplished what he wanted to accomplish, Garry Shandling hasn't.
Howard said Jon doesn't have to send him anything but this thing seemed to be a promotional item. Jon told Howard that he sent over the trailer for Cowboys & Aliens so he should have it there. He said he will keep listening and he'll make some calls if they didn't get it. He said he'll keep listening so Howard let him go.
Howard said he really wasn't fishing for a gift. He said he has some of his Marvel comics on display but this thing isn't for him. He gave it to Jason. Jason said his wife won't like it but he really appreciates that. George said there are a lot of people out there who would love that thing. Howard said it's a little pathetic collecting that stuff. George said some people have a passion for it.
Howard said he has some shelves in a closet that he could put that thing on but he's not sure it's him. He said he wanted it back from Jason after that. He was just kidding.
Howard said the creator of the Real Doll sent them a new one. The guys rolled her in a short time later. Howard said the last one they had they took turns banging. He said those things aren't cheap. Gary said they were like 5,000 years ago. Howard said they must be more now.
Gary opened up the box and said that the chick's head had fallen off. She was modeled after Jessica Drake the porn star. Gary said they have a hoist on the back. The doll is life size so it weighs a lot. The guys showed Howard what her vagina looks like. Howard asked if it's wrong to look at that. Gary didn't think so. They had to work together to get her pants off. Howard said she looks a little fat. She had nice boobs. He asked Will to stick his finger in there. He said it didn't feel real to him. She had nice feet according to Howard. He said it looks very real.
Howard said the toes were all separate. Gary said they suggested sticking her in a tub of warm water to bring her up to body temperature.
Robin looked up the prices and found that it's about $5,500. Gary asked if that was for Jessica Drake because they have the special one. The guys were checking her out and smacking her around. Howard said she has an asshole too. He said that's interesting. He's not sure what to do with it.
Gary said Sal says he hasn't gotten laid in a long time and his wife may let him bang that thing. Robin said she'd have a problem if her husband did a doll. JD said they have shoes and an enema kit in there to clean her out. Gary pulled that out and showed the bottle brush they have in the kit.
Richard said that Sal wants to pee all over the doll. Howard said that's disgusting. Howard said they'll just keep her in the studio and leave her there for a while. Howard said he prefers her naked but maybe they should put underwear on her.
Richard asked if Benjy would bang her. Benjy said he would but he wasn't sure he wanted to. Howard said he banged the first one. He said this one isn't his type. Howard said he feels he's matured a little bit. Gary said they have a tongue and teeth in there and the mouth opens. George said that she looks startled with the mouth open. Will had her stick her tongue out.
Howard said it looks wrong. George said she looks very real. Howard said he wants to thank the people at the Real Doll company for this thing. He said he likes this more than the Iron Man thing. He said it's kind of freakish.
Howard said he had a really interesting voice mail from Ass Napkin Ed. He said Ed leaves his radio up when he calls and that makes him laugh. Howard played that one and Ed is leaving the message with this music blasting behind him. Ed was saying he didn't want to bother Gary but he wanted to see how he was doing. Howard said this is probably his life after December. He said the message was really weird. He said they switch songs after a few more seconds. Howard let it play and they went into a Tony Orlando song. Ed just kept rambling on and on about hanging out with Gary and going to play golf or something.
Howard wondered what station goes from ''Low Rider'' to a Tony Orlando song. Howard said Ed is into some weird music. Robin said he has the funniest phone calls. He was talking about missing Artie and how he and Gary could go out and play golf.
Howard said Melrose Larry Green left Gary a voice mail too. He said Larry has a job and he's now realizing that he was never appreciated by the show. Robin said that Melrose thinks that he has a 210 IQ so Howard said he has to add him to the list of people to be tested.
Howard played Melrose's voice mail and he said that he was a big supporter of the show and he's got a really good job right now. He said he's realized he's a good worker and he wanted to work for the show years ago. He said he feels totally different about the way the show made fun of him and abused him. He said it really hurt him. He said it's nothing personally but they go way too far with some stuff. He said he's with people who appreciate him now. He said they took advantage of him but he's over it. Howard said he's a nut. They just took his calls. They didn't take advantage of a guy who called into the show. Howard said that guy is really wacky.
Howard played more of the audio and Melrose was saying he could have killed himself or move on and he decided to move on. He said goodbye a short time later.
Howard said he thinks the Real Doll is really hot. He said he keeps looking over at her. He said he wants to know if this Jessica Drake has perfect tits like that too.
Howard had Asian Pete on the phone so he asked him what he was saying in that first message. Pete said he forgot. Howard played the clip for him to remind him. Pete listened to the clip and said he said he wanted to come on the show soon. Howard asked what the rest of it was. Pete was still unintelligible. Pete said he was just saying he misses them.
Howard played the audio of the kid reviewing the movie. The kid's name is Jackson and his segment is called Lights Camera Jackson.
In the clip the kid is talking about ''Inception'' and he was ranting about how the movie wasn't made for people his age and it was too confusing for him. Howard said that's because he's 11 years old. He said that they shouldn't have an 11 year old movie reviewer. Howard said they needed a reason to get this freakish kid on the air and this is how they did it.
At one point the kid said that he had some pet peeves. Howard said that a kid at that age shouldn't have pet peeves. He said he didn't start using that term until he was in his 40s.
Howard played more of the kid and he was saying he gives Inception a ''C'' grade. He said it was visually stunning.
The guys were wondering why the kid hasn't reviewed ''The Kids Are Alright.'' JD said the movie is rated R so he can't go see it. Gary said he was reading about the kid and they say that he's the youngest person to ever win a New York Emmy. Howard said it's enough already. He said he doesn't want to see this kid reviewing movies. He said that there are a lot of unemployed people out there and an 11 year old shouldn't be reviewing movies.
Robin wanted to hear more of this kid's reviews. Howard found that hard to believe but he played another one of his reviews. He reviewed a rated G movie and said that's the kind of thing he's into. He said that it was a lighthearted movie and Howard wondered what kind of kid uses that term. Howard said this kid is going to be a mess when he grows up. He said that Danny Bonaduce would say that this kid has problems. He said that Dr. Drew is waiting for him already.
Howard tried to take some more calls but a couple of people didn't respond. Wheels finally did and asked what was up with Robin's foot. She took a picture of her foot and posted it online. Robin said that they were doing some filing on her feet and they were all messed up from the dust. She was in the middle of a pedicure. Robin said the grey stuff on them was just crap. Howard said Will says that's not just dust. Robin said she can prove her feet are fine. Robin showed her feet to Howard and he said Robin's feet are fine now.
Wheels asked Robin how many bras she has to wear when she jogs. Robin said it's two. She said she has to build a suspension bridge when he jogs. She said she doesn't like movement when she runs. Robin said it's like they grew back after the reduction. She said she tried to tell the guy to take more out but he refused.
Wheels said that they bust George's balls about sex there. Howard stopped him and said he's not busting his balls. He's genuinely curious about what he and Brad do. He said that he was fascinated hearing about what they do. George said he likes having this platform to speak on. He said that it's just about him and Brad though, not about all gay people. He said they all have their ways of doing things.
Howard said that there must be people out there who are doing anal even though so many say they aren't. George said there probably are.
Wheels said Howard is very selfish because he doesn't finish Beth off. Howard said if she doesn't finish then she'll get it the next time. When he's done he's not going to work on her until she's done. Howard said Beth doesn't want him to do anything. He said 99 percent of the time she's already done when he finishes. Wheels didn't seem to believe that.
Howard said he isn't a selfish lover. He said the point was that he was fascinated with George and Brad's sex life.
Howard played the first question which was ''A pickle is made from what vegetable?'' Mark knew what it was. He said Lupe would not. Lupe said she hates pickles but it was made of cucumber. She got it right.
The second question was ''Spell Retard.'' Howard said he gets the feeling she can't. Mark said she won't be able to spell it. Lupe said ''RAITAR.''
The next question was ''If the small hand is on the 3 and the big hand is on the 6, what time is it?'' Howard tried to figure that out himself. It was 3:30. Mark said that he'll say she won't know it. Lupe said ''3:30.'' Howard said she's doing pretty well there.
The next question was ''What superhero has an S on his chest?'' Mark said she has to know that one. Robin said she's not sure about that one. Fred said she knows. Howard said she won't know. Lupe knew it was Superman.
The final question was ''What is 9x9?'' Mark said he will say that she does know the answer. Robin said she thinks she knows. Howard said he's not sure. Lupe explained what she thought nine times nine meant. She said it was time. She got it wrong.
Mark lost but he asked if Howard would give him the $711 anyway. Howard gave him the prize. Mark asked if anyone has walked in on anyone jerking off like brad on George or Beth on Howard. Howard said he has jerked off in front of Beth but she's never caught him. George said Brad has never caught him either.
Mark also said they have to get Lupe in there with Dave Lampert. Howard said they're still working on that. Gary came in and said that he wanted to talk to him off the air about this. He said Will spoke to him and couldn't get anywhere. Gary said he spoke to Dave and Dave doesn't want to do it with Lupe. He said that she's not a good candidate. Gary said that he thinks that she doesn't know English very well and that's another problem. Gary said they might be able to put them on the phone together to get a better sense of whether or not it'll work. Gary said that Dave is thinking that she's not a good candidate because she jumped off the Sybian so quick.
Howard said he has to hear Dave evaluating Little Lupe. Gary said that Dave needs to bring her into his mindset. That led to Fred playing some Dave clips where he was telling a girl to ''let the poison out'' and things like that.
George told Robin that she could end up getting killed or maimed over there. Howard read some email from some fans who said she won't go over there. There were others who said that Howard can't let her go.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about his thoughts on DDT. Howard said he wants it for bedbugs and for malaria around the world. Howard said he wants it for both. Robin said that's like taking a Gatling gun to a knife fight.
Howard read some of the email about the DDT thing and one guy was writing about how people who die from Malaria are supposed to die from Malaria. Howard said that's just wrong and this guy just happened to luck out not being born in a place like that.
Ralph called in and said that Robin needs help. He said that this has to be the craziest most narcissistic thing she's ever come up with. He said they'd shoot Robin over there if she went around telling women this stuff. Robin said that these women don't know they have a right to speak up. Howard asked Robin what he agenda would be over there. Robin said they don't even know that these other women exist and don't have to do what they do.
Ralph said that Lisa Ling's sister was over in North Korea and ended up in jail. He said they're not even as strict as they are in Afghanistan. Robin said that these women have to hope and aspire to something over there. She said she's not planning to go there and get herself killed. George asked how you avoid that. Robin said they're acting like no women ever go over there. Howard and Ralph said that they think Robin could end up getting killed over there doing that. Ralph said that you think her feet are messed up in the Twitter picture, wait until they get done with her.
Ralph said Robin always has to be doing something but she has to calm down. He said that's not fun. George agreed and said that Afghanistan is not fun. Robin said she feels she has to do something. Howard said there were some missionaries killed over there and they were there for 10 years and didn't make any changes.
Howard said Robin would have to wear a birka. Robin said she will never wear a birka. Ralph said she'll get shot walking off the plane. Howard said he's going to go to Hawaii and help people out there. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was just planning a bit for a future show. He said that they should love it. Howard said it will shut a lot of people up. He said it should be revolutionary. He said they have more IQ tests coming soon too.
Howard had George do an announce. George read one about how Howard should get the Nobel prize for helping nerds get laid.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Daniel Carver Jr. pleading guilty to federal gun charges. He may get 30 months in prison for that. Steve said he's subject to supervised release after that. Daniel Sr. believe his son is innocent.
Steve said that Eric the Midget is volunteering to do red carpet interviews. He claims that he would ask any questions they give to him to ask. Howard said that he knows Eric won't ask the questions they give him. He said he would have him do it if he would stick to it.
Steve said that Gary's son Lucas wants to call the news tip line to report on his own father. He wanted to call in about him tripping over a brick at mini-golf last week.
Steve said that Robin is going to be giving a check to a charity with the money that she raised at Caroline's recently. Howard said Robin is soon to be going to Afghanistan. He told her to be very careful over there. Robin said that she will cause a revolution when she goes. She said it's enough already with these women being dictated to. Howard said it's good that she's running the marathon because she'll be running through mine fields over there.
Steve said that tonight is Jackie's Joke Hunt and he'll be fielding questions from the fans about why he left the show and things like that. Howard said they've heard it a million times and they know it's about the money. Steve also mentioned that Riley Martin is on at Midnight.
George thanked Steve for his ''George Takei's America'' special that aired last night. Howard said they say the ratings were through the roof. George said he got a ton of emails about the special too.
Howard said he heard that George stuck around to do the Wrap UP Show yesterday. George said he did that and he'll be doing a taping for Geektime this week too.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of subjects they have for today's show. They spent a few minutes talking about JD's girlfriend and hair cut. Howard said he wants to get him a smoking jacket like Hugh Hefner has. He's impressed with JD and the way he handles women. They also talked about Richard getting naked for George today.
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Howard mentioned the Iron Man Maquette thing he got and Ralph called in to ask what it was. Howard said it's a toy. He said it wasn't anything that great. Ralph asked what's up with Jon Favreau. Howard said he should send him the real Iron Man helmet from the movie. He said Jon could have done that. Then he'd have something to display in his house. Ralph said that if he's saying it's a Maquette then it might be a real thing. Howard said it's something they sell in the store. Howard said he wants something that no one else has. Ralph asked if the eyes even light up. Howard said they don't. He said he could send him the War Machine suit or something. Howard said he'd rather have one of Gwyneth Paltrow's used tampons over that toy.
Howard let Ralph go but he kept talking about this toy he got. He also wondered why they call them Maquettes when they're just dolls. Howard said he got the black Vulcan's ears when he came on the show. That's the kind of thing he'd like.
Robin started her news with a story about a man who walked 6,000 miles along the Amazon river in South America. She said it took 859 days. He was attacked by native Indians and bitten by about 50,000 mosquitos. Robin wondered why someone would do that. George said that's what he's wondering about Robin and her Afghanistan trip. Robin said there are important things to do. George said they have to make sense though. Robin said she will do some research.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can take away Robin's title of ''the voice of reason'' on the show. They got a laugh out of that.
Robin read a story about a flight attendant that went nuts on a flight. Robin said that a guy got up before he was supposed to and he hit the attendant on the head and they got into a verbal fight. Then the Flight Attendant got on the intercom and cursed everyone out and then pulled the chute and escaped the plane and went home. He was arrested for criminal mischief and trespassing after that. Howard said that many people have fantasized about doing that at work. He said that there are horrible aspects to every job. They spent a few minutes talking about that crazy story. Howard said you can't just say F-you to your boss and walk out. This guy may not work again after pulling that stunt. Howard said that what you should do is walk in and thank your boss for keeping you employed.
Robin read a story about Kelsey Grammer and how he and his wife Camille are getting divorced. Howard said she's around the age that he's going to trade her in. They were married for 13 years. Robin said they have two kids. She read that he's trying not to give her spousal support. Howard said he understands that she's doing a reality show. He said she apparently thinks she needs to find herself. Howard said she should have found herself already by 40. Robin said that Kelsey is dating a 26 year old now and they're saying he may have knocked her up already.
Robin read that Rod Stewart is having another child. Howard said that's great because all of his kids are growing up just great. Robin said he has 5 kids already and he's going to have two with his current wife.
Howard said a lot of guys aren't great at raising kids and they keep having them. Robin said they must figure they'll get it right eventually.
Robin read about a new Pop-Tarts store that's opening up in Times Square. Howard said those things are so horrible tasting. George said we have an obesity problem in this country too. Robin said the store will stay open until at least January.
Howard took a call from a guy, Porter, who talked about how the original flight attendants had to be registered nurses. He was also talking about how Bubba uses his material on his show and he had him come on his show to set him up for a disaster. The guy said Bubba had him on his show because he had contributed to his show. Howard didn't get what the problem was. The caller said he's not sure why Bubba is so fragile that he has to set him up on his show. He said people were hammering him about being on the show and now he's persona non grata. Howard said he doesn't know anything about that. He said maybe they were goofing on him and he didn't get the joke. Howard said he has no idea what this is about. He said he has no clue what they're talking about. He said he has to get going. Howard let the guy go a short time later.
Robin read a story about former President Bush going to Haiti to evaluate how things are going over there.
Robin also read about the 10 missionary workers that were killed in Afghanistan. She had some audio of a woman talking about that.
Robin read about the Democratic Primaries that are going on in Connecticut. She had some audio of a woman talking about that as well. Howard said his head was spinning hearing that. Robin had some audio of Linda McMahon that she played as well. She had a few different clips of some of the people in the primary that she went through.
Robin read a story about how having big waists can lead to various health problems. Robin read the details about that.
Howard ended up talking about Linda McMahon and Vince McMahon after that. He was goofing around talking about how tiny Vince's head is and how giant his body is. Howard was making up commercials that the opponents could run against Linda saying that she shrunk Vince's head.
Robin read a story about a new test that can detect Alzheimer's disease. Howard said he's terrified of that disease. Robin said that the earlier you detect it the sooner they can try to treat it.
Robin read about Mark David Chapman coming up for parole again. Howard said he likes that he thinks he might actually get out. Howard said that would be a good TV show where they have people come up for parole and they have 3 judges. Robin said she can't believe he only got 20 years to life. Howard said he could imagine them doing the Idol-like show with that parole thing. He said he'd call it Prisoner Idol. If anyone wants the rights to it, they have to come to him.
Robin said that Charlie Sheen and his wife were apparently fighting over a Train song. Robin had Howard play some of ''Drops of Jupiter'' before going on with the story. Robin said TMZ says that the fight back in December was over the song because Charlie shares a love of the song with his daughter. the wife was upset that Charlie didn't have a song in common with her.
Robin read a story about how some experts found that pet food may be spreading salmonella. Robin said that young kids should be kept away from pet foods.
Robin read about Julianne Hough being in the remake of the movie ''Footloose.'' Howard said that's who Ryan Seacrest is supposedly dating. He said she's a really good looking chick too. Robin had some audio of her talking about the movie and Howard said she sounds like she's a munchkin. That led to Howard asking Scott DePace if he has a problem with dancing. Scott said he's only against gay dancing. He said he was just kidding about that of course.
Robin read about a new TV show called Sister Wives. The guy on the show is bringing in a fourth wife into his 3 marriage life. Howard said he thinks it should be okay to have multiple wives. Howard said it shouldn't matter if they all agree to it. Howard said he's all for that and even multiple gay marriages.
Robin read a story about how golf ratings are going down now even when Tiger Woods is playing. Howard said that guy's life is just about over after fucking those 15 chicks. Robin said that the ratings were down 34 percent from 2008 when Woods didn't even play in the tournament.
Robin asked what Jimmy Johnson is doing on Survivor. Robin said he also promotes that Extenze stuff that's made for making your penis bigger. Howard said he heard that he auditioned 3 times for Survivor. Robin didn't know that. That led to George talking about how he skydived into the jungle when he did the ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here'' show. He said he was terrified by that but he did it. George said that it was him, Martina Navratilova and another guy. He said it was just the three of them that did the sky diving.
Howard said he would never sky dive. George said it's a fantastic feeling. He said the approach to it is terrifying but once you're out there, it's great.
Howard asked what they paid George to do that show. George said it was over 100 grand. He said the show was tough and he was the oldest guy to have done it. He said that Brad was staying in a luxury hotel the whole time he was out in the jungle. He said he had to get up at 3 in the morning though so he could be there in case he was kicked off the show. He said he got paid the same amount no matter how long he stayed. It was all for the challenge. He said some people just got kicked off quickly to collect their money. Howard asked George if he won. George said he came in third.
Robin read a story about Mia Farrow and Naomi Campbell going to court over this diamond that Naomi received as a gift. Robin said that Campbell told a story but Mia said that she didn't remember it the same way. Howard said Naomi is made to sound like she's the devil with these stories.
Robin had some clips of some people from the movie ''The Expendables'' talking about the movie. She had some of Sylvester Stallone that Howard listened to. They goofed on him a little bit.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about the movie ''Eat, Pray, Love.'' Julia Roberts was one of the people. Howard lasted a few seconds with that before cutting it off.
Robin had some Jennifer Aniston clips to play too. Howard went through those too and didn't last too long.
Robin read about Johnny Carson and how he's still donating even though he died years ago. Robin said he still gives to a bunch of charities. Howard said that's nice. Howard wondered if he left anything to the kids.
Robin read that Levy Johnston is doing a reality show where he'll be running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Robin said that was it so Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
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Tim Sabean came in because they were talking about the Riley martin negotiations too. Tim said that Riley is going to call him every day because of what Howard said today. He said he will call in various states of drunkenness. He said he hasn't called him today but he may have a major case of ''food poisoning.''
Tim said that Riley will call and beg him and then he'll hang up on him. It's the same routine over and over again. Gary asked if Riley calls him a cheap Jew. Tim said he does and he's not even Jewish. Tim said that he'll tell Riley ''it is what it is'' and that's it. He can't give him anymore. He said that he's the most unreasonable person he's ever dealt with. He said he doesn't know how to negotiate and what he has in front of him as far as opportunity.
Tim said that Riley wants to make enough money to cover his bills but they can't do that. He said he can do a show for an hour a week and get paid to do that. He said they have to discuss the plugs he has on the show but he can plug some stuff. Gary said that anyone with a popular show can tell the fans to go to their web site and he's not sure why he hasn't been able to turn that into money.
Jon asked Tim if his skin crawls when Howard tells Riley he backs him up. Tim said it's like releasing a tsunami on him. Riley will be relentless with him. He said that he could lose that hour if he goes off the deep end again.
Gary said he doesn't agree with that. He said that Robin thinks that she can make a difference. He said he doesn't think she's doing it to forget about stuff.
Jon asked JD what he thinks about his hair cut. JD said he doesn't see anything that great no matter what his hair cut is like. He said he thinks it's okay. He said they were talking and she said she would cut it for him so he said okay.
Gary said that he's not gay but he thinks JD is a good looking guy. He said that some of these girls are very good looking and JD has this cavalier attitude and he isn't all about the girl. JD said he's like that with everything though.
Jon said that JD seems to be into this girl but he still doesn't seem to care enough. JD said he doesn't want to be a douchey guy and have her think that he thinks he's all that. He said he'd rather be on the lower end of the douchey spectrum.
Gary asked how long he's dated before. JD said he dated a girl for like a month once. That was the longest he's ever dated. Gary said he's never been in love then. He said you can't be in love with someone who you only date for a month.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a low self esteem and he got really clingy with girls when he was younger. He said you just stop caring and that's when things turn around for you lady wise. The caller said that it changes for you and then you start getting women.
Gary asked if JD is that thought out about it and if he's playing it off just to make her more interested. JD said he's into that thought out.
Another caller said that Howard said that JD might be the healthiest one there and he might be right. He said that JD likes who he likes and he's not just looking for anyone. The guy said that he didn't like JD in the past but now he has a lot of respect for him. Jon said he wears his emotions on his sleeve. Gary asked him to name a few of the phonies there. JD mentioned Sal has being one of the people who has his phony moments.
Jon took a call from a guy who said JD is full of crap and he's not dating any stripper. JD said he can show Jon Hein the text messages. Gary asked if he has any naked photos. JD said he might.
Gary asked how this girl reacts to them talking about her on the show. JD said she doesn't listen but she hears about it from other people. He said that she dated someone else who was on radio and they talk about her too.
Gary said they have an idea for a bit on the show. They want to bring JD's girl in and have the guys pick her out of a line up of women. JD said he doesn't want that.
Jon played a clip where Howard was talking to JD about owning a strip club. After the clip JD was saying that he knows it's just a dream. He said that he doesn't need everyone laughing at him about this. JD said it was Jason who put it out there. He said that he would be a silent partner in the strip club thing. He said it's a good way to make money. He said that he wouldn't want to run it himself. He didn't want the thought put out there because he hadn't thought about it that much. Will said he's like one of those guys who starts a band and tries to name it before they even know how to play instruments.
Jon said that Howard TV has given JD every opportunity to make a movie but he hasn't taken that offer. JD said it's easier said than done. Will said he doesn't think so. JD told him he could leave now. He said he's not going to make ''Slut Club'' or anything like that. He said he has to write his own stuff but he has tried and he just can't do it, it's hard. Gary said of course it's hard.
JD said he'd have to sit down and force himself to write something. Gary told him he could write a ''Show in the Hallway'' bit or something like that. Gary said he wrote a bit and he was going to have JD and Jared fighting in the hall and then he'd have them making out after their fight. He said it was just a germ of an idea.
Jason came in and said that he didn't think he was doing anything bad by bringing up the strip club thing. He didn't think it would hurt him. Jason said that he was thinking about opening a bar and that's how the conversation started. He said that JD told him that he wanted to get a film career going and then open the strip club. He said he liked the idea. JD said this is the kind of crap he has to deal with in the back office. Now he has to do it on the Wrap Up Show. Will said that Jason comes up with a new plan every week.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD is missing out on this great access he has to the production crew there. They could be helping him out. JD said he knows. He said that he was doing the stuff for Artie's web site. He said that he was hoping to hear something about that. Gary said it was just editing video though. JD said he could edit documentaries or something.
Jon asked what's going to get JD to get moving on this whole thing. JD said he doesn't know. Jon asked Will if he thinks he'll ever make a film. Will said he just needs a camera and an editing suite. He said that JD is getting old and he needs to get busy with the career if he's going to get into it. Will said he should have gotten started writing scripts by now. He should have 4 or 5 done by this point. JD said he wrote one back in High School. He said he doesn't even know where it is. He said the whole thing wasn't that good. He didn't want to tell them what it was about.
Will said he thinks that JD gave it to some interns to read. JD said he didn't want to talk about it. JD said he did send it out to a guy who gave him some notes on the script. That guy was from Dimension films. Jason said he's shocked that he can't remember what he wrote on it. JD said it deterred him from working on that script anymore. Will was shocked too because that's a big deal to have someone from Dimension read your script and comment on it. JD was at a loss for words.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he just wants access to the gentlemen's club and he must want to grow up to be Ronnie. JD said he wouldn't want to be like him full time. JD said he just wants to be left alone right now.
Will asked JD if he thinks about the bad part of the business when he thinks about the strip club thing. JD said he would be a silent partner and other guys would take care of the day to day thing. JD said he hasn't thought about it that much. He really doesn't know. He told them to move on.
Ralph called in and said that everyone is trying to tell JD that if he wants to do something gin film, he doesn't have a better platform than where he's at right now. He said in the next week or so he should start working on something because Howard may not be around in a few months. He said if it doesn't happen now, it may never happen. He told him not to waste anyone's time or his own time if he's not going to get into it.
Jon said it seems like they've bummed JD out and he's not sure why. Gary told him not to be that surprised. He said that they don't want him walking away defeated. He said they hope he walks out and wants to make a film or something for Howard TV.
Ralph asked JD what he thinks he can do in the film industry. JD said he thinks he could direct. Ralph told him to get a script and direct then. He said he could do a short film or something. He said he could start there.
Ralph asked JD how many people he has following him on Twitter. JD said he doesn't know but he doesn't want just anyone's script. The guys wondered why not. Jason said he needs to do a short film that shows off his visual side.
Gary said that the followers on Twitter could send him some scripts and he could pick out of the stuff they send. Jason said they could have everyone on Twitter submit one line or something. Ralph said that's a bad idea. He said he's making it worse for JD.
Will said that Ralph came up with that idea in like 5 seconds and JD has been thinking about doing this for 10 years. Will said that this whole thing is too big for him. He needs to have a starting point. JD said he has to write something first. Gary told him he should start writing and get busy on that. He said that he has to start somewhere.
Jason said that he thinks JD has something there and he has potential to be talented at whatever he does. Jon said that everyone there believes in him and they want him to be successful. Jon said that JD just has to get going with something. They went to break a short time later.
JD said he heard George was in the hall touching Richard's chest. Richard said they were comparing pecks out in the hall.
Richard said he has done some things around there that were funny because he looked so doughy back then. That led to Jon playing a clip from the show where George told Richard to do some sit ups as he was showing his naked body.
After the clip Richard said he didn't think Robin was disgusted. He said she may have been a little impressed. Gary said he thinks she's freaked out by him. He said if he got Stamos in there she wouldn't look away. Richard said that's true but he's sticking by his theory.
The guys talked about the pose that Richard does when he's naked. Richard said that's the George Reeves pose from the old Superman TV show.
Richard also talked about how he let Lisa G go before he whipped out his cock. He said he knows she's kind of uneasy about that.
Richard said he has lost a little weight but he never said he was in good shape. He said that George may have thought he's been working out 5 hours a day or something but he hasn't. He said that he hopes to be in really good shape the next time George is in. He'd like to be able to oil himself up for that. He said he'd even wrestle George naked. Gary asked what he'd do if he got hard during that. Richard said he guesses he'd learn a little something about himself.
The guys asked Richard about what he'd let people do to his cock and balls. He's just about willing to let anything but sexual touching happen.
Wheels called in and asked how much it costs to do IQ tests. Gary said it was just a little under $1,000 a head. He said it really wasn't cheap. Wheels asked why they don't test him. Gary said they're pretty sure that he's smarter than someone like Sal.
Wheels said that he has the 24 hour feed of Big Brother and they were talking about the Stern Show one night. He said they talked about Artie and it was pretty surreal. Gary asked how many other people could have seen that other than Wheels. Even JD doesn't have the 24 hour feed. He just watches that and the Big Brother After Dark stuff on Showtime 2.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the Real Doll and how they could use it for Will the Farter. Jon asked Will about that whole thing. Will was saying that Farter is always hitting them up for money so they came up with those crazy things for him to do. His mom was against most of it so he's not sure if any of it will happen.
Jon took one last call from a guy who said that maybe they could test Howard and the guys on IQ tests and put them up against Bubba's crew. Gary said he's pretty sure that would never happen. The guy said that they could combine the scores and not give out the individual scores. Gary said that would be kind of funny but he's pretty sure it won't happen. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying good morning to George Takei. He said everyone loves George and they're getting a lot of email about him. George said He gets a lot too. He said just being on the show gets him a lot of mail. He said it changes the landscape of his computer.
Howard had George do an announce for them. George said that He heard that Scott DePace has an IQ of 122 and He figured his own must be 1022 if that's true. Howard said He thinks George's is 1022. He thanked him for that.
Howard asked George if his IQ has ever been tested. George said it has not. Howard figured He must be pretty smart if He runs a bank. George said they're still doing that and things have changed lately. He said they had to come up with more capital and He had to put more money into it. He said the regulators are coming out in full force now.
George told Howard about his bank and how they run things. He said they started the bank in 1981. Howard said that's a balls move to become a banker. George said the initial reason was to help out the immigrants that were coming in from Asia. He said they had trouble getting started so they helped. George said they started out as a small minority bank.
Howard joked about how George would help the customers himself. George said He never did that. He said they had loan officers to help people out. Howard said George would be too soft and he'd give everyone money.
Howard asked if they have just one bank. George said it is just one. He said they have almost 50 employees. Howard said that's great and they can't afford to lose banks like that. Howard asked if anyone has ever tried to buy them out. George said they want to keep it small and keep it theirs.
Howard asked if he's ever had to fire anyone. George said He hasn't had to do that himself but they have had to have conversations with some people. He said they have to do that with the Presidents that they hire. Fred threw in an Uncle Pauly ''Get outta here'' clip as they were talking about that.
Howard said that's fascinating stuff. He asked if He can be a millionaire being an investor in a bank. George said He doesn't think so. He said if they got bought out at a ridiculous price then maybe. He said they have good dividends but they had to cut them since 2008. He said it's a private company and He gets dividends from the stock He owns.
Howard said He and Robin should start a bank. George said it's actually a good time to do it. He said back in 1981 they started out with about 75 million. He said He didn't have to do that all himself back then. Howard asked how much He had to put in. George said it was more than half a million but less than a million.
Howard asked about the board and who they have on that. George told Howard how they came up with the money back then and things like that.
Howard asked George if He could live off of the dividends. George said He has a nice pension so he could live off of that. Howard asked if he lost that could he live off of the bank thing. George said he could make some good money doing that. He said it's more than 100,000 a year. He said he really shouldn't be speaking like this. He said they have stockholders who might get upset about that.
Howard said George has F-you money. George said he doesn't speak like that but, yes, he does. Howard said that's good for him. George said that some of the board remembers have mentioned him being on this show. Robin told him to tell them to shut up.
Howard asked how he knew he wasn't going to get ripped off doing this. George said they were good friends. Howard said he wouldn't even trust his good friends. George said he wouldn't trust Howard then. Howard said he'd be like ''what?'' if someone asked him for half a million bucks.
Howard and Robin were saying that George's bank may end up getting people like Ass Napkin Ed and King of All Blacks asking for loans. George threw in Eric the Midget too.
Howard said they're lucky enough to have George sitting in this week and they have him through tomorrow. He said George is his conduit into the gay world. George said he wears many hats.
George said he would keep money in a Howard Stern bank. Howard said he can't imagine anyone would. He told George he'd give him an account number to transfer his money to.
Howard said this is weird because Benjy used to grow corn in his ass. George said there's no reaction from Benjy when Howard jokes like that.
Howard said there were a few other things in the paper he wanted to talk about too. He said Senator Ted Stevens died in a plane crash the other day. He said it was tough to find the plane so it took a few days. Fred said his first wife died in a plane crash too. Howard said these small planes go down up there and people insist on going on trips up there. Howard said Ted was going out hunting or something and he got killed instead.
Howard said this is the guy that was going after them when they were moving to satellite. Howard said that's a shame he's gone. Howard said he's also the bridge to nowhere guy and got kicked out of the Senate.
Howard said Sarah Palin gave a eulogy for Stevens. Howard played the clip and it was an edited clip that Richard had put together. She says she got the crabs from Stevens.
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Howard said he doesn't even remember the guy's name. He said when you leave him, he forgets about you. He said he went to a guy that Tom Chiusano suggested to him. He said he had an unusual looking mole on his back that Beth pointed out. He said the guy was a good guy so he tried him out. He said they removed the mole in 2 seconds. He said the guy is going to have it biopsied but he didn't think it looked bad.
Howard said he had this mole for a while and he may have irritated it so it got raised. He said the doctor didn't think it looked bad though.
Howard said Beth was out at the North Shore Animal League helping out yesterday. She told him it was one sad story after another. They had some dogs come in from being in a puppy mill. Howard said the animals are sweet but the smell was awful. She said they came in really poor condition. Howard said they're trying to get the dogs adopted and they come in all ages. Howard said they have everything down there. He said you want to hang yourself when you hear the stories though.
Howard said he heard a story about a dog that was burned in a fire so it has to wear a t-shirt. He said that they had a family coming in to adopt that dog. Howard said they weren't able to take it because their other dog was barking non stop with that one.
Howard said he took Beth out last night and she asked why they didn't ask George and Brad out. George said that he and Brad had dinner with Steve Langford. He said they had to thank him for the great job he did on ''George Takei's America.'' Howard asked if Steve's wife was there. George said she was. He said she sells advertising for some network.
George had a Papillon so he was asking Howard if they had any of those. Howard said they might. He said he'd have to check into that. George's dog died so he hasn't had one since then. Howard said a lot of gay men have dogs like that and he might want to get a great dane or something. Howard said Richard Simmons had dalmations though so maybe he's wrong. Robin asked what he was saying about Richard. Howard said that's right, he's still looking for a wife. Howard said Liberace had the same problem. He was never able to find a wife.
Howard said he will probably never go out with George and Brad. George asked if he'd go out to a play. Howard said probably not. George said that they're developing a musical about the internment of the Japanese. Howard said that sounds like fun. George asked if he'd come to the premiere. Howard said it sounds awful. George said even Howard would be moved. Howard said he'll move out of his chair into his car. He said he's never made it through a play. Howard told George that he'd rather have High Pitch Eric shit on him.
George told Robin to convince him to go. Robin said she'll do what she can. Howard said he knows David Bryan from Bon Jovi who wrote a play. He said he told him he'd never go to see it but he just won a bunch of Tony awards for this play ''Memphis.'' Howard said he will never see the play. He said Beth loved it but he can't go and watch that kind of thing. He said he can't stand it.
Howard said he can already hear George's play. He asked him if this sounded like his play. He had Fred play some music and made up his own songs that must sound just like what's in the play. He sang about how life had taken a turn with barb wire being everywhere. He sang about how he thought he was an American but he's being raped by a soldier in a shower. George laughed when he heard this. Howard sang about being confined and how he was going to make a gun out of soup. He said there was no soap there.
Howard asked George if that's what it sounds like. George said ''bravo'' to him on that. Howard continued singing and making up lyrics as he went along. Howard said he can't take that kind of thing. George told him to take that to Broadway after their show has been open for 5 years. He told Howard he's a genius. He said he has a gift he didn't believe he had. He told Howard he should do his own Broadway musical when he retires from radio. George said he'd invest in that production. Howard said that's why he said the bank would be bankrupt in a week if George was giving out the loans.
Howard sang another song about George this time. He sang as if he were George's father finding out his son was gay. Fred started the music and Howard sang a little more before giving up.
Robin joined in on the singing and did a song with Howard. They sang about George's gay lifestyle. Then George joined in and sang about how it was a Tuesday night so he and Brad didn't have sex. Howard asked if Brad blew him on any day other than a Sunday. George said he did that on a Monday last week. Howard and George were singing the song together about how George got blown on a Monday. Howard asked if he had ever had a load blown in his eyebrows. George said he had not. They were singing all of this. George was singing about how Brad keeps his load in his mouth and how much he loves that. George said sometimes he keeps it in his mouth and then rushes to the sink and spits it out. Howard sang about him washing it out with Listerine. George said he does that and then comes back to him.
Howard asked if he ever puts cologne on his nuts to make them smell good. George sang that he actually does that. Robin wondered why he did it sometimes and sometimes not. They asked if George swallows. George said he doesn't always do it either.
Howard said that was a nice song they just did there. Howard said he would go see that play. He said that he'd do one if they could do it like that.
Howard had another song in him. He sang about how he'd blow George every day if he were gay. George sang that he wishes he were gay then. He said that Brad might be sidelined if Howard was gay. He said it would be like Sunday all week long. Howard said he would wear his testicles just like earrings. He said they'd be on his face every single day. He said he'd wear semen eyebrows and things like that. George said this play would not last one night.
Howard took a call from a guy who said every time he turns on the radio they make him feel better. He just started a new job and it's been tough so he feels great hearing the show. The guy said he's been very nervous working for someone else after 18 years not doing that.
Howard said he should have asked the guy what kind of job he had. Howard said he could have sang ''Swallow, Spit Out'' to the tune of ''Sunrise, Sunset.'' He said he was done with the play though.
Howard said that Beth was right about how they should have had George and Brad out to dinner. Howard said he won't go to a play though. He said he can't sit through that and he won't even go to see David Bryan's play. George said that he would enjoy this play. He told Howard about what it's about but Howard still didn't seem interested. Howard said he doesn't like the small seats and the people snorting and talking.
Howard said the idea of sleeping through a photo shoot is foreign to him. He said Lindsay oozes sexuality though. He said she's going to look horrible in 5 years going at the rate she's going now. He said it's such a shame because she was given such a gift.
Howard mentioned the contest they have going on with the staff impressions. They have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner. Gary had some clips of some of the entries. Gary said they have someone who they know who has sent in some entries. They have a JD entry and a Riley Martin entry. Howard said he didn't see it on his computer.
The first clip was a guy doing the JD impression with the techno music playing in the background. Then he did a Riley Martin impression. Howard said they weren't that good but the guy doing them was Jerry O'Connell. Gary said he's a superfan of the show.
Howard said something weird is going on with Jerry. He said he likes Jerry and Rebecca Romijn. He said that he wanted to be friends with John Stamos and Rebecca even after they broke up. Howard said he's closer to John now because they hang out. He said that he had Jerry and Rebecca over a couple of years ago. He said they did that but he hasn't heard from them since. Howard said even Beth said that it was odd that they don't reciprocate. They've been back out there and they haven't picked up the phone to say they're in town. Howard said he knows they have kids but it is bizarre. He said he has certain people in his life like that. They must just be bored by him in real life.
Howard said Jerry is such a superfan of the show and maybe Rebecca is the one putting the kill on it. Howard said he's going to get an email from her now saying ''how dare you say that.'' Howard said something is up though.
Howard said that he'll ask Jerry about it when he comes in. He'll be in to promote a movie soon. Howard said David Arquette is coming in today to hang out as their intern for the day. Howard said that he hung out with David and Courteney Cox out in L.A. when he was out there a couple of months back. He told George that story. He said that Courteney is very talented and she's very good looking. He said she's got a great personality too. He said they started to get a personal conversation going at one point toward the end of the night but then David came and jumped in and more people jumped in and that ended that. Howard said he thinks David got jealous.
Howard said he has some questions about the party that he has to ask David. Howard said the party was in the spring but he's been thinking about it. Howard said Beth was doing something out there so he went with her.
George said he likes to have Sake. The way he pronounced it was bothering Howard said he told him that was wrong. George said he was pronouncing it the right way and Howard was wrong. George said it has a short E.
Howard said that Beth was just coming off her period but he banned her. Robin said he didn't have to bring that up. He said he doesn't like to make Beth take his load so he ruined a shirt instead. Howard said his underwear, his shorts and all of that. He said that the dog was in on it too. The dog won't leave the room when they do it. Howard said he was pushing the dog away with his knee. He said he's done with dogs after this one. He said it's a lot of work.
Howard said his dog won't let them sleep now. He said the dog used to sleep on the other side of the apartment. He said she sleeps all day long but now she comes in the room at night and she wants to sleep in the bedroom. Howard said Beth has to walk the dog at like 3 in the morning. He said they can't lock her out of the room because she'll shit on the floor. Robin said she's ruling the roost over there. Howard said Beth wrote that book so she should be able to straighten this out.
Howard said he has to play some Jackie show clips. He said he has to take a break first. He said Jackie took a shot at Benjy on his show last night. He said that Benjy ruined the flow of the show when they let him write for them. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had George do an announce. George started doing the one he did at the start of the show. He found another one and read that. George said he's writing his autobiography and mentioned some of the things Gary was writing about. Then he said that was boring and no one would write a book about that.
Howard said they have to talk about how Arnold Schwarzenegger has come around with the whole gay marriage thing. He had Arnold (Fake Arnold) on the phone to talk about that. George laughed as soon as he heard Arnold on the phone.
Howard brought up the gay marriage thing and had Arnold speak to George. George said this was great to speak to him again. He said they had some differences the last time. He thanked Arnold for having this new stance on Proposition 8. Robin asked what turned him around. Arnold said he's out of office in November so he's done with that stuff.
Arnold said that he figured weddings were gay already so why not let the gays marry. George said that people from all over the country came to California to get married. Arnold said that's just what he wanted. He said that no straight man wants to get married anyway.
Arnold told George he can filibuster with Brad all he wants but not with him. He told him that he'll be crying after being with Brad for 20 years. George said it's been 20 years already. Arnold said that Maria is like a cadaver with him at this point.
Arnold told George to just go back to being gay. He said it's fine to be gay but he's not crazy with the Lesbians. He said most of them look like they're truck drivers and that they smell. He said it's disgusting. George said that he probably smells bad after working out too. Arnold said he loves George. He said he reminds him of this Jap towel boy he had back in the weight lifting days. He said he was like a puppy to him. He said that little zipper head was great.
Arnold said he doesn't care and he'll be out of office come November. George said that he was hoping to extend his time in office.
George asked Arnold if he would like to run for president. Arnold said he would and he would appoint George as his secretary of gay affairs. George said he'd like to serve him in every way. Arnold asked what's the matter with him. George said that they could have meetings in the Oval office.
Arnold said that he thinks that he could be the secretary of gay affairs because that's exactly what it is when a gay couple gets married, it's a gay affair.
Arnold said that he would beat Maria senseless if she ever did to him what Mel Gibson's girlfriend did to him. Howard said he just wanted to let George thank him for this whole thing. George had more questions for him about the whole thing but Arnold just said ''whatever'' and said that he's going to run the state into the shitter. He said he may go out and just punch a few gays just for the hell of it. He said it's a manly punch in the arm, nothing more. He said he may just punch them in the arm.
George said that he's going to think again about extending the term limits. Arnold got in a plug for the movie ''The Expendables'' that's coming out soon. George asked if he would play Captain Kirk. Arnold said he's not only gay but out of his mind. George said he would like to see someone else play Kirk. Arnold said he just wants to see the Captain's Log.
Howard asked Arnold if he had any thoughts on the gay marriage thing before they let him go. Arnold said he's against the displays of public affection. He asked George to do a PSA to tell the gays to cool it a little bit. Arnold said no one likes to see that. George said that he's seen some straight people displaying affection in a disgusting way.
Arnold said he loves everyone there but he told George it's enough already. He gave him some kisses and told him to just leave it alone. Howard let Arnold go a short time later.
George thanked Howard for that chance to speak to him. Howard said that was the real Arnold and not Josh Robert Thompson and he's not going to tell you to check out the web site JoshRobertThompson.com since it was really Arnold.
Lisa said they spoke to Lisa Lampanelli about the upcoming roast of David Hasselhoff and she says that everyone did great and there were no bombs. She also said that Pam Anderson cried after someone joked about her vagina being stretched out. Howard said this sounds like a funny roast. He said David has a good sense of humor about himself to go through that.
Lisa talked about a web site that tracks the popularity of the Howard Stern Show. That site is ThePowerOfHoward.com. Howard let her go after that.
Howard played a clip of Riley starting his show and then taking some calls. One guy got him riled up a bit when he said that it's bullshit that they won't give him what he wants there. Howard said Riley was in rare form last night. He took a shot at Tim. He said that he called him a stuffed pig or something. Howard played that clip. Riley took another call from a guy who said it was bullshit too. He said that they love him there and he wouldn't be there if he wasn't making them money. Howard said he guarantees he's not making them any money. He said he must be imitating him saying that he makes the company money. Howard said there can't be a big profit center there.
Howard said he's told Riley he's free to go anywhere he wants if he wants to make money. In the clip Riley continued to call Tim a water pig. He said that if he doesn't want him there then he can pull the plug now and not tomorrow. He said they're working him like a Georgia mule. He said that Tim is a fat faggot too.
George was upset by the use of the word ''faggot.'' He said he thought Riley was interesting but that's what his beliefs and values are.
Howard played more of the clip of Riley talking to that guy and the guy claimed he'd cut off his subscription if he leaves. Howard said he likes this one hour of Riley but not four hours. Robin said he just wants the money, not the hours.
Howard said someone got Riley worked up about Robin going to Afghanistan too. He played that clip and a caller tells Riley about Robin going to Afghanistan. Riley then says that somewhere in the mountains over there they would pull her over and the Taliban would need blow jobs. He said she'd be lucky not to be shot ''and what have you.''
Howard said Riley had some slurred shout outs during the show. Howard played some of those. Riley was giving some shout outs to some people but it was unintelligible. Howard said they have such good programming there at Howard 100. He let the clip play some more and Riley gave his shout outs and slurred his way through them.
Robin asked if he does his space talk anymore. Howard said he does. He said that he gives advice and stuff too though. Howard said that's the boring shit and he has to get back to the shout outs. Riley was mumbling and slurring his way through the shout outs. He thanked a bunch of people and said they're groovy type people.
Howard said those people may have sent him money or something. That led into a prank call Sal and Richard made using Riley clips where he says hello to a bunch of different names and the guy on the phone isn't any of them. The guy hangs up but they call right back and have Riley asking to speak to all of these people. George was laughing his ass off through the whole call. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was listening to the Emmitt Smith induction into the hall of fame and he thought they were booing him but it was just them saying ''Moose.'' Howard said they do the same for Bruce when he's singing. They yell out Bruce and it sounds like they're booing.
Howard said he has the Emmitt Smith induction speech. He played that clip and it did sound like booing. Howard said he objects to this stuff but it's probably just because he's not that manly. He said some of the guys who go to the events aren't that manly either though. He said that they worship guys who are manly. He said it's kind of weird.
Howard played the clip and Emmitt broke down crying as he was talking about his team and how they took care of him. Howard laughed. Robin asked why he was laughing. Howard said it' just funny because it's football.
Howard said that's the same as the radio hall of fame to him. He asked what it all means. He said it's apparently important for these guys to get into it. He said they can ask for more money when they do autograph signings. Howard said Emmitt was on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said Jerry Rice was also on Dancing with the Stars too. He was inducted into the hall of fame as well. He said Jerry sounds like a kid reading at his bar mitzvah though. He said the guy isn't a very good reader. Howard played that clip too.
George said it wasn't that bad. Howard said he'd rather have High Pitch Eric shit on his face than go through this. Howard played more of the clip and laughed as Jerry was reading. He said that was the fun part. Howard said he does like to watch football so he's a fan. Robin said this isn't for the casual fan. Howard said you must be drained as a viewer after hearing this stuff as a fan. He said if you had to sit and listen to the whole thing you'd go out of your mind.
Howard played a few more clips from the induction event and got a few more laughs out of hearing people crying. Howard was goofing on Emmitt and his speech and George said that they were being mean. He said they're enjoying their moment and you have to go with it. Howard said that Governor Arnold told him to just go with it.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on but it sounds like this guy from FOX was saying that he was on target about what he was saying about Idol and the judges they had. Howard said he doesn't hate the people on the show but he's judging the judges. Howard said that's what he does. He judges everyone and everything on this show. Howard said he's a fan of Idol and the show missed a beat.
Gary said that it's funny how Bobo interprets the article. He said that some of the people on the list were on target but it didn't say that Howard was one of them. His name was just mentioned and he could have been one of the wildly inaccurate predictions.
Howard said they have to have Bobo's IQ tested. Bobo said he thinks that he's around Sal's IQ. Maybe around a 102. Howard said that Sal was barely human with a 102. He told Bobo that's average. Howard thinks that Bobo is sub-human. Bobo said he made a living teaching so he can't be that dumb. Howard said he taught driving and just look at all of the accidents on the road.
Howard talked about how some of the judges wouldn't say anything negative on that show. He said that you can't avoid saying negative things if you're a judge. He said he kids know the score on that show and they want to be judged. Howard said if they can't sing then you tell them they can't sing. He said people don't like competition these days. Howard said you can't all win. Life doesn't work that way.
Howard said he likes competition and he likes to win. Howard said you just have to ask Mel Karmazin what he did for the company. He said they can't all be friends. Robin said there can be friendly competition. Howard asked where. Howard said winners are competitive.
Bobo asked if the numbers for Idol were dropping. Howard said they did a little bit. He said the show will eventually fade like MASH faded. He said someone will come up with something new. Howard said someone will come up with something.
Howard said what they should do is revive some old bands careers. He said that Maroon 5 is having trouble selling tickets so they could bring them back and revive their careers. Howard said this guy Adam Levine is a good singer so they could bring them back and do a show about that.
Bobo asked about the judges they're talking about now. Howard said that they have J-Lo and Steven Tyler lined up for the show. Howard said he heard about how they got the original 3 judges and how they tested them out by taking them out to dinner. They haven't done that with these new judges so they don't even know how it's going to work out yet. Howard said it could be a disaster.
Howard said he and Robin were put on the phone together for a few minutes when they were first introduced. He said they saw that they could have a conversation so they had chemistry right away. Howard said they spoke on the phone and you could tell that it would work. Howard said Denise Oliver put them on the phone together. He said Robin wouldn't shut up.
Howard said you'd feel stupid linking up with the first person you're put on the phone with but that worked out with him and Robin.
Howard said he worked at a lot of stations before he met Robin and there were a lot of mutants out there. He said he was barely able to speak to Fred. Howard said most people can't ad-lib when they're on the air.
Bobo asked about the Rick Dees show. Howard said he could never do that kind of show. He said he's not sure he'd have the ability to do a show like that. He goofed on Rick and how he hired his wife to do voices on the show. Howard goofed on Rick's phony laugh and things like that too.
Howard said he figured that people were starved for entertainment. Howard talked about some of the characters they did on the morning zoo shows too. He said everyone did characters. Howard said Imus had Moby the Worm. He said he was a no talent mother fucker. He wondered what kind of moron would do that kind of thing. Howard said it was remarkable what was going on out there in L.A. before he went out there. Howard said he was pulling the hair out of his head hearing what was going on. He said he had to get on out there. He said the world would be his oyster when he got out there.
Howard said he would have liked a show where Rick Dees and Imus hooked up and Moby Worm would eat the awful Zsa Zsa Gabor impressions.
Howard said he got stuck on a boat with Imus once. He said he had to go out and promote down in New Orleans. Howard said he wanted to get the fuck off of that boat. They had Cousin Brucie on that boat too. Howard said Rick Dees didn't like him either. He said he and Rick were interviewed on stage together one time. He said Larry King did that interview. Howard said that Rick was upset that he was used as his straight man. Howard said those were the days that he almost had nervous breakdowns.
Bobo asked if Rick Dees passed the torch to Ryan Seacrest. Howard said no one was passing any torch. He said Ryan earned that show himself. He said he's not sure what Rick is doing now but he did okay with that morning zoo type of show.
Howard wondered what was up with Cousin Brucie and his ''Eee'' sounds. Robin said maybe he made a mistake one morning and people asked him to keep making that sound.
Howard told Bobo that he should be proud of himself for staying on the air so long. Bobo said he is proud. He said he will tape his appearance.
Howard asked Bobo if he's going to glue his hair on today. Bobo said he's going to go down to the water today. Howard said he hopes that thing is glued on good.
Howard said that he wants Bobo to take an IQ test and if he loses to Sal, he has to take Sal's jizz as his toupee glue. Bobo agreed to that. Bobo asked if they're going to try and do the contest where they try and figure out if he has a hair piece on. Howard said everyone would know he has a hair piece. He said toupees are awful. He said that John Travolta looks so much better without his toupee. He said at this point he's not a leading man and he doesn't need that toupee. He should enjoy his life and stop with the fake hair.
George told Howard how Walter Koenig took his piece off at a Star Trek convention. Howard asked how he's been doing since he lost his son. George said he called him when his son was missing. He said he sent a note and called about 2 weeks later. He said Walter is doing fine considering what happened. George said that was a horrible thing.
Howard said that George has to stay on that mic because he drifts off. George said he'll try to keep that in mind. Howard said he's going to paint it like a penis so George will remember. They had to go to break after that.
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Howard said he thinks that Beth might be bi-sexual. He said they were watching the Real L Word and Beth talks about how she's intrigued by one of the women on the show. He said she claims that she's not into women but then she gets intrigued by some lesbians. Howard said he has to call her to find out what's up with that.
Gary asked Howard to tell him who the girl is and he'll book her on the show. Howard said the girl is Whitney.
Gary said the Real Doll has a jaw that you can tighten with a screwdriver. Howard told the guys to do the vagina thing later. He had to finish his commercials.
Howard came back and asked George if he thinks he has a nice voice. He let out a belch and George said he agrees with him. He said it's too early for a Christmas song. George then read another announce. He said he has a bone to pick with Little Lupe because he was the first one to say ''Woo hoo! I love cock!'' Fred played her clip so George did an impression of her saying that and a few other lines. Howard had Fred playing the clip and George repeating them in a high voice.
Howard said David Arquette never showed up. He said his buddy showed up though. Howard said he has things he can do. He said they can get to the news after playing some clips. He had the Jackie clips to play so he was going to get to those.
The first clip he played was Jackie talking about how ''they'' sat Benjy next to him and it was very odd. Jackie said they had the perfect show and it was like putting an extra guitar player next to Paul McCartney. He said he was just joking about that. Howard said it was his idea to have Benjy in there. He said what they should do is have Jackie come on the show and then tell him he ruined the rhythm of the show.
Howard let the clip play some more and Jackie talked about how he was writing and reading jokes from himself and Fred before Benjy came in there. He said it was a lot of work to go through so much. Fred said Jackie was on the verge of saying that he ruined the rhythm of the show.
Jackie was talking about the person who sat Benjy there in the studio and he wouldn't say that it was Howard. Howard said he was the one who put Benjy in there. Jackie said that it was like they were trying to teach him a lesson to show how easy it would be to get rid of him. Howard said he never even thought about getting rid of Jackie. He said they offered him a boat load of money to stay there. They didn't want to get rid of Jackie.
Howard played more of the Jackie clips and he was saying there was no reason to bring Benjy in there. Howard said maybe in his mind the show wasn't perfect. He said that was Jackie's opinion that the show was perfect. Howard said he looks to improve the show.
Jackie said it was like giving Robin more news stories and telling her to read stuff that she wasn't going o read. Howard said that's not what it was like. He just wanted more jokes. He said he wanted to make the show better and maybe pump up the show to have even bigger ratings. He said it didn't turn out that way but he tried.
Howard joked about how no show wants more comedy writers. That was their boy Jackie there. Howard said there's another clip where Jackie says he wants to be back on the show but in another clip he says he's glad he's not on the show.
Howard played a clip where a caller asked Jackie if he feels some responsibility about not being on the show. Jackie said ''absolutely not...'' Howard said Jackie was over paid. He said he means no offense by that but he has no idea what people get paid in radio. Howard said they were the number one show but he got a very good salary. He said Mel was very generous with Jackie. He told Jackie that at the time. He said he should have taken the money and run.
Howard said he knows guys in the business and they don't get 1/3 of what Jackie was getting. In the clip Jackie was saying that it wasn't as much as you'd think it was. He thought it was fair at the time. Jackie said it was more than they thought he should be paid. Howard said there was no ''they.'' Howard said Jackie used to say he was a hippie and he didn't care about the money. He obviously did.
Howard said once Jackie left, that was it. He said that Jackie called him months after the offer was off the table and he wanted to come back. He said it was too late though and he couldn't come back. Howard said that Jackie probably thought that Benjy took his job but that's not the case.
Jackie said he didn't hear from them for 2 months after he walked off the show. Howard said they were done with the negotiation so of course there was no call. Jackie said he figured it was right to get a lawyer at the time so that's what he did. He said he took the guy's advice on how to negotiate and that was it.
In the clip Jackie was asked if he thought they wanted him off the show or just didn't want to pay what he wanted. Jackie said he doesn't think they wanted him off the show. Howard said he didn't want him off the show. He said he told Jackie on a private jet to Las Vegas that he wanted him on the show. They were on a private jet eating lobster when Jackie said he could get along without all of that stuff. Howard said he was shoving all of the endless freebies into his beach bag. Howard said he saw cases of water and champagne bottles going into that bag. It was a bottomless bag.
Howard played more of the audio and Jackie said that they worked with him on the negotiations for about 5 minutes. He said it was done after that. He said it was a lot of money but not a lot of money for a guy ''in the Beatles.'' Howard said he loves Jackie and that's why he gave him a show on Howard 101. Howard said he'd love to give Jackie and IQ test. He's sure it's high but he has no common sense.
Howard said he had more Jackie clips. This one was about him wanting to be back on the show. In the clip a caller asked if he wanted to be back on the show. Jackie said ''we had a Christmas party...'' so Howard cut it off. Howard said he threw the Christmas party so his staff could have that party. He said there was no ''we.'' He said maybe he's reading too much into it.
Howard replayed the clip and said that he knows that Jackie didn't like it when he was dating Beth. He said he was using Dominic for his house and Jackie came over by the pool one day and got a load of her. Jackie would tell him to say hello to his beautiful lady. He knew that was jealousy.
Howard goofed on Jackie for a few minutes about the jealousy thing. He was doing his Jackie impression and talking about how Jackie asked him if he could take his show somewhere else if he got an offer. Howard said he's fine with that.
Howard let the Jackie stuff play more and he was explaining why he would walk off the shows when he was negotiating. Howard said he was the only one who would walk off the show. No one else would ever walk off. Robin said that might be because they have an agent and Jackie never did.
Jackie talked about his negotiations with Tom Chiusano and how he was kind of pushing him to sign it or he'd lose his retro pay going back to January 1. He said that he told them that he'd come back on the show if they wanted him on. He said that's a big olive branch if you ask him. Howard said he's not at war with Jackie. He said he likes the guy and he's not fighting with him.
Howard played a clip where Jackie says that Gary and Robin have been on vacation since he left the show. He said that he used to goof on them but that was his job. Jackie said he can't believe they have animosity toward him but he thinks they might. He said they were like the Beatles and maybe they look at him as the guy who broke them up. Howard said the rest of the Beatles are doing just fine. Robin said it's more fun without Jackie. Howard said Jackie doesn't get that. Robin said everyone wants to be there and they have a good time being there. Fred said there seems to be a better rhythm there since Jackie left.
Howard had another clip where Jackie talks about how he thinks Howard doesn't want him back. In the clip Jackie said he feels terrible that the fans are upset and how much it affected the show. Howard said it didn't affect the show at all. They had a bunch of great years with Artie on the show and they're still having a good time.
Jackie was talking about how he was asked to give up his weekend gigs but he had to keep doing them because there was a lot of money being dangled there. He said that it's all his decision and he has to live with that. Robin said this is bullshit because he thought he was going to stay. Howard said that's not an honest answer. Robin said this is like Ellen Degeneres saying she didn't want to judge people.
Howard said the last clip was Jackie figuring out that Howard didn't want him on the show. Jackie said if they wanted him back on, he'd be back. He said it must be Howard who doesn't want him on the show. Jackie said that if Howard really wanted him to be there, he'd be there. Ian asked Jackie why he doesn't want him back. Jackie said that he thinks the ship has sailed and maybe that's what it is. He said that he's been on the show a few times and they have a great time. He said maybe it's like when you have dinner with your ex wife and have a great time but you know it wouldn't work out.
Jackie was also saying that he hasn't gone in and asked what's up because he doesn't want to step on Artie's toes. He doesn't know what's going on with Artie so he's not sure what to say. He said he loved being on the show and that's where he stands.
Howard said that was a little recap of Jackie's show. Robin was just laughing and saying she loves the spin Jackie puts on this story. Howard said it would be great if Jackie just admitted he made the biggest blunder of his life by leaving the show. Howard said he thinks that Jackie was already in his 40s when he started on the show. Howard said he could have just said he made a mistake. Howard gave the speech that Jackie should have made where he just admits he was begged not to go this far with the negotiations and things. Howard said that would have been refreshing. Fred said that wouldn't be Jackie though. Howard said it would be compelling to hear the ''real guy.'' Robin said he blew one of the best gigs ever. He said that's like Brian Dunkleman and how he said he didn't need Idol. Howard said Jackie is like Brian Dunkleman.
Howard said he loved Jackie and he sat down to dinner with him a few years ago. He said Jackie told him he would love to do an hour on the station and he felt for him so he gave him the job. Howard said the guy is his own worst enemy. George said that he is engaging.
Howard said Jackie used that analogy about the Beatles and if you think about it, they brought in Billy Preston to play keyboards. He said that it's not that crazy to have Benjy sit in with The Beatles of radio as Jackie would say.
Howard said George has had quite a life. He was in the internment camps and then he was on a TV show that ran for 3 years and he's been living off of that for 40 some years. Howard said George is smart. He said his value goes up because the rest of the cast are dying off. He said that Scotty and Bones are gone. George said he plans to be around for a long time. Robin asked if Howard is telling George to bump the other guys off. Howard said that would be kind of funny if he did that.
George said he was out one time and saw an old friend, Aldo Ray, who came up to him and said it was great to see he was still alive. Then he rambled off the names of the people who have passed. George said not long after that he saw Aldo's picture in the paper and he was dead. He said that he's the only remaining member from the movie The Green Berets.
Howard said Steve probably just cried because this is his first gay friend. George said it was his wife who told them about how touched Steve got. Howard asked if he saw a spark between Steve and his wife. George said they were seated in separate chairs. He said they weren't doing anything that he could see. Howard said maybe they were fingering under the table.
Howard said that must have been an awfully boring night. He asked what they spoke about. George said they talked about their trip to Hawaii and things like that. Howard said that Steve talks about Martin Luther King when he gets together with Robin. Howard said Steve knows how to play all angles.
Howard asked George if he finds Steve attractive. George said he's not his type but he thinks he's a wonderful person.
Steve got to his news preview and mentioned a story about how Jackie walked off the show and how they compared that to the flight attendant walking off of the Jet Blue flight in a newspaper article.
Steve said they have a story about Riley Martin coming back from Atlanta after a trip down there. He met with some fans down there in a private meeting.
Steve said that Bubba the Love Sponge is opening a club down in St. Petersburg, Florida on August 18th. The club is called ''Scene.'' Howard said he and Robin may have to fly down there to see the club.
Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. They ran down the subjects for today's show and ended up talking about Howard and George's duet for a short time. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and asked what happened to that band. Fred said he thinks they broke up and Jakob Dylan is out on his own now. Howard wondered if Bob is proud of his son. He said this song is obviously not the original version because he sounds bored with it.
Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody. Robin started her news talking to Howard about Mexico and the swine flu. Robin said she thought that was the reason Howard didn't go down there last year. Howard said it was that and the kidnappings and stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dave Mustaine wrote and autobiography and he spent 2 pages writing about the shitty interview Howard did with him. Howard said he's not sure how many people care about that. He said he doesn't know much about Dave. He said that could have been part of the problem. They were also at a live event so that wouldn't help.
The caller asked Howard what happens when Fred takes a day off. Howard said he's almost never out. Robin said Sal sat in for him one day. Howard said he didn't like that. He said Sal did a nice job but he likes it when Fred is there. Fred was out of the studio so he missed that whole thing. Howard said he didn't want to spend more time on it so he had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read a story about a live cat being found marinating in oil and peppers in the trunk of a car. Robin said cops pulled a car over and found the cat in the trunk after this guy had run a stop sign. The cat was in oil and red peppers. He claimed he was doing it because the cat was ill tempered. Robin said the guy claimed he was going to cook the cat. Howard asked George if he does that. George said he can't even imagine doing something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what temperature you cook a cat like that. Howard said the guy had to be kidding. Another caller said that the Jackie analogy of The Beatles was nuts. He said Jackie would be Pete Best at the best in that analogy. That led to them talking about George Harrison and how talented he was. Howard said the guy had a lot of songs in him when he went out on his own. He said he had a lot of material. Howard said that John Lennon and Paul McCartney were amazing too. He said they both wrote some great songs and they're both geniuses. Howard said they were great solo and as The Beatles. Howard said the fact that John was killed is such a horrible crime. He said he's not sure why they even let this Mark David Chapman up for parole. He said they shouldn't even let him come up for parole. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that and Yoko Ono.
Robin got back to her news and read about Senator Ted Stevens death and how he had been involved in another plane crash and survived. Howard said he doesn't get why they have to fish in out of the way places up there in Alaska. Howard said they have crashes almost every day up there. Robin said the plane may have crashed right into the side of a mountain because of low visibility. Robin said that 4 people survived out of the 8.
Vinnie Favale, Beatles Superfan, called in and talked about the Beatles stuff some more. He said they didn't have room for the George Harrison songs so that's why he went out on his own. Howard said he loved the solo stuff almost as much as he loved the Beatles stuff. Vinnie said there are a lot of great songs that were never played on radio. He said Harrison had some great songs and mentioned one that he did that was just like the True Blood theme. Howard said he likes that True Blood theme. He said a friend told him that it was the worst song ever. Howard and Robin sang a little bit of it. Vinnie then sang it from the start. Howard said he can't believe that Vinnie knows the lyrics. Fred found the actual song and played it.
Vinnie had a story about the Star Trek theme too. He said that Gene Rodenberry wrote the lyrics to the song so he'd get a co-writer credit on it and make money off of the royalties. Fred played the theme and Vinnie sang along to it. Howard told Vinnie he was a horrible singer. He said he had to get going but asked what's up at Letterman. Vinnie said he's off for two weeks but the ratings are awesome. He said that Leno is down a lot from where he was before he left. He said they have no prime time line up so they don't have much of a lead in. Vinnie's musical Hereafter is running this weekend.
Robin got back to her news and played a clip of a woman talking about the plane crash that killed Ted Stevens. Howard said he didn't like what the guy was trying to do to him. He said he was a war hero though so he's not going to say anything else.
Robin read about the flight attendant who jumped off a Jet Blue flight after getting upset with a passenger. Robin said the guy is 38 years old and he has not entered a plea yet. Robin said that he deployed the emergency exit chute and left the flight. Robin said he grabbed two beers before jumping off. Robin said the guy apparently had a pet peeve of overhead luggage. Howard said that would be like him having a pet peeve of a microphone. Robin had some audio of a press conference where this guy was asking to be left alone because he has health problems.
Robin had some news about Linda McMahon and her run for senate. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Robin said she's spent $20 million of her own money on her campaign. Robin said she's saying she will spend up to $50 million of her own money.
Robin said that Governor Patterson is trying to find a new location for the mosque that may be built down at Ground Zero. Howard said he read that they want to put a gay bar down there next to the mosque. He said that would drive them crazy. Robin said that as long as there's nothing wrong going on down there they should allowed them to build it.
Howard said it feels like it's being rubbed in our faces when they want to build this thing down there. George said that he'd like to know more about this because he's feeling like it's back when the country locked up the Japanese in internment camps.
Robin read a story about Fantasia Barino trying to kill herself with sleeping pills and aspirin. Howard said that doesn't sound like a suicide attempt. Robin said they say her injuries were not life threatening. Robin said the police are saying it was a suicide attempt but her family is saying it was not. Howard said the good news is that she doesn't have a headache.
Robin read about a guy who installed secret cameras in women's bathrooms to spy on women. He put them in a YMCA and a park bathroom. Howard said he has the suspicion that the guy is a big fan of theirs. George got a laugh out of that.
Robin read a story about a man who drowned after pretending to be struggling in the water.
Robin read a story about Charlie Rangel and how he's asking for the investigation to be expedited. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Al Sharpton talking about a shooting where a kid was shot 21 times. Howard was surprised at how calm Al was in that clip. Robin had some other clips about that story. Howard said that it's not that unusual for cops to shoot someone that much. If someone points a gun at you, you're going to return fire.
Robin read some news about the Rod Blagojevich case and how the jury deliberations have been going on for 11 days now. That shows that they're split on the case so far.
Robin read that Kanye West will be back on the MTV Video Music Awards this year again. Last year he stormed the stage when Taylor Swift was on stage. Howard said he was the only interesting one there, that's why he's being asked back.
Robin read about Laurence Fishburn's daughter, Montana, talking about her decision to bring out a porn movie. Robin read a quote from her about how she had sex at 16 and got interested in doing porn then. Fred played some of George Takei's Little Lupe impression clips during that story.
Robin read about the new ''Eat, Pray, Love'' movie and had some audio of Julia Roberts talking about that. Howard said she's looking good. He said she looked a little raggy for a while but she's bounced back lately. He said she pulled herself together for this movie. He predicted that she'll hit the wall in about 2 years though.
Robin had some audio of Dolph Lundgren talking about the new ''The Expendables'' movie. Howard played a few seconds of those clips.
Robin read about a new movie called ''Lil Woods'' and had some audio of one of the stars talking about that. Howard lasted about 2 seconds.
Howard was wrapping up the show and said that David Arquette over slept so that's why he didn't show up. Gary said the friend was there and he just met David last night. Gary said that David is shooting a movie in Ann Arbor and he flew here just to do the show. He'll be in tomorrow. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:40am.
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Jon said that they had a lot of fun doing that song today. Jon had Teddy play some of the singing that Howard and George did together.
After the clip the guys talked about how intimate the details were in that. Jon said it's like he can't help himself. Gary said that it was great when Howard sang about making a gun out of ''soup.''
Jon asked who enjoys singing more, Howard or Robin. Gary said Howard loves mocking the musicals. He said that Robin loves to sing in general. Gary said that the one thing that will live on forever this week was the clip of George making that noise when he was talking about what it sounds like when he finishes.
Gary said that Howard and George have a great relationship but he won't go with him to the musical. Jon took a call from a guy who said he would wait in line to get tickets to that show. That led to them talking about the American Idiot musical. Gary said he didn't like it. Jon said he's bringing his kids to see it today.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what it was about American Idiot he didn't like. Gary said it was pretentious. He said the singers were good but the overall thing was pretentious. Gary said the end of the show is awesome though. He said they all come out and sing ''Time of Your Life'' with acoustic guitars.
The caller said he wanted to talk about Jackie. He said the whole thing today was amazing. He asked if he'll ever come around to seeing it how everyone else sees it. Gary said probably not. He sees it his way and Howard sees it another way and they'll probably never change.
That led to the guys talking about Jackie for a short time. Gary said that Jackie had to work crazy hours when he first started with them. He said that he'd work comedy gigs during the week and he'd come into work and sleep for a few hours before the show started.
Jon asked Gary about the Beatles analogy. Gary said it's funny that Jackie called himself the John Lennon of the group. He said that's the analogy he used when he resigned so that's what he's been using all these years.
Jon asked Gary if it gets under his skin about how he refers to them as ''we'' and ''us.'' Gary said that it may bother some more than others.
Jon took a call from a woman who calls in often, Lily, who said that she had her baby back on June 9th. She asked about the repeats they play during vacation and why they can't post their vacations ahead of time so they can plan their vacations around theirs. Gary said he'll look into that.
Lily also said that Robin seems very angry with Jackie. She asked if she's just angry in general. Gary said she might be angry with Jackie. He said that when Jackie walked off the show the first time Howard was fine with it. Robin was very angry. Her anger was that they had built something and Jackie was fucking with it. Gary said he understood that. She felt very close to the show and he gets that. Lily said that maybe they should step back and wish him well instead of pouring salt into his wounds. She said he's a different species than Howard or Robin who are at the top of their game.
Lily also asked about the way Howard reacts to the radio hall of fame and if he really believes that he doesn't belong in there. Gary said he thinks that he's joking when he says he shouldn't be in there.
Lily asked about Howard retiring too. Gary said that Howard did a whole rap about what Howard would really like to do if he was retired. Gary said that they just went about their business and have realized that they're not going to get any clues about when he's going to retire. He said they just have to wait to find out when they find out. Lily was also talking about how great the show is with Robin and Howard. She let them go after that.
Jon and Gary talked about the stuff that Jackie was saying about the show rhythm being ruined and how it was probably more about how he was ruining Jackie's rhythm.
Gary said that Benjy is getting close to being allowed back on this show but he's been coming into work later and later so he's on the verge of losing that again. Gary said that Howard gave Benjy a shot when Jackie was on the show and he must have liked him because he would have been out in a day if he didn't.
Gary said when they were doing the channel 9 show they had Howard, Jackie and Fred doing the writing and a few others helping to book the staff. Jackie got the head writer title somehow and that may have upset Fred. He said that Jackie gets caught up in that kind of stuff but Fred doesn't. Jon said it probably meant the world to Jackie though. Gary said it really did. That led to Jon playing a clip where Howard was talking about the Jackie clips.
After the clip Gary talked about how they really don't have any animosity toward Jackie. He said Jackie thinks there is but there really isn't. He said that Jackie didn't want to do the show for a really long time but now he's got the show on there and he's been back on Howard's show a few times. He said that his life got much easier once Jackie left. He said Jackie would mock him on the show constantly and it was hard to do his job. He said Jackie would mock him while he was pitching something to Howard. He said Jackie would even do that off the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves Jackie but it's aggravating to hear him talking about how he doesn't care but then he talks about Howard all the time. He said he's still mentioning Howard's name in everything he does even though he claims that he's moved on.
Gary said that the fans are all asking him about it so maybe that's why he still talks about the show so much. The caller said that Jackie was great when he was on the show but they've moved on. Gary said Jackie was a part of a lot of great moments from the show. He said the show has evolved though so it would be hard for him to come back. Gary said if he left for 5 years it would be tough for him to come back too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the show has kind of turned into the George Takei show lately. Gary said they only have him on 4 times a year. He said that the show has changed and they don't do things like writing bits like they did years ago. Gary said the show has turned into a more conversational show. The caller said he thought that George was playing more of an active role lately. The caller said they played a great clip from the show where Jackie was doing this rant about ''taint'' after Robin said it during a news story. Gary said that you can't compare a best of moment and compare it to a regular show.
Gary also told the caller that George is the ''announcer'' for the show but they initially did that just to get him on the show. They don't really use him for the announcer. Gary said he wasn't even sure if George knew that he was talking to Fake Arnold today. He sounded like he was arguing politics with the Fake Arnold. Jon said that's just George.
Another caller said he couldn't wait for Jackie to be off the show. He said there were hundreds of other comedians who were more qualified to be on the show. The caller said that Jackie's stuff is too corny. Gary said Jackie evolved on the show and it's a very special position to sit there. He said Chris Rock would probably be terrible. He said that he's the star and some people wouldn't know when to jump in and not jump in. Gary said Jackie fit in very well on the show.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks that anyone is still upset with Jackie for leaving the show. Scott said he doesn't think so and he thinks that there were some who thought he was nuts for leaving but they're not mad at him.
Robin came in so Gary asked if she still had any animosity toward Jackie. Robin said that she still remembers what it was like to work with Jackie. She said she doesn't think that he's changed so why would she want to go through that again? She said she wouldn't want other people to go through it either. She said he had an attitude when he was there. She said there was a tension and he would sit behind Howard almost wanting Howard not to be there and wanting that chair himself. She said that it was difficult to deal with when he was there.
Gary said that he remembers Howard being more even about it than Robin was. He remembers Robin being very upset. Robin said it wasn't until he said that he was breaking up the Beatles that it got to her. She said that he was basically saying to them that if he didn't get his way then he was going to leave. She said that just wasn't right. She said that he was making it seem like the show wouldn't go on. She knew that it would.
Jon asked Robin about the way Jackie was talking about the rhythm of the show being interrupted by Benjy. Robin said that Jackie was saying that even Fred was disrupting the show because he had to go through his jokes.
Gary said there was a weird dynamic with Fred and Jackie and Jackie would pretend not to see Fred's notes and ignore him. That would infuriate Fred. Then Benjy came in and Jackie had to read his notes too so it was disrupting his stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if Robin didn't come back to the show, that would be a problem. Like if she went to Afghanistan and didn't come back. Gary said that they think that Jackie spoke more on the show than he actually did. Robin plays a more significant role on the show than Jackie did back in the day.
The guys talked about how Jackie would laugh at his own jokes all the time and that's when you'd hear Jackie in the background. Scott said that Jackie would even laugh as he was writing his jokes. You'd hear him laughing as he was getting ready to pass Howard a joke.
Gary said that Jackie and Artie were very different. He said he gave Artie a piece of paper and a pen to write but he ended up just talking to Howard. He said Artie apologized that he wasn't writing stuff down but they were fine with that. Robin said that they contributed to the show in very different ways. That led to them talking about the awful impressions Jackie would do for their bits that they used to write.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks maybe they're hitting Jackie too hard with the writing stuff. He said that maybe he had all of this stuff flying around and it was throwing off his rhythm. He said that he was probably trying to concentrate and he had all of this stuff flying toward him. Gary said it did throw him off. Robin said that he could have just put the notes up and not read through them. He didn't have to read them, that was his choice.
Ralph said that they're making him out to be an asshole and maybe he's not. He said Jackie and the Beatles thing was just his way of saying he might be breaking up a good thing. Robin said that it was more like he wanted to cripple them. Robin said she's not reading into that either. She's basing it on what Jackie said to her personally.
The guys talked about how weird the whole ''I'm a hippie'' thing was. Jackie would say he was a hippie until it came to negotiation time. Then he wanted the money. Ralph said he thinks that Jackie had people around him telling him that he was needed on the show and they couldn't survive without him. He said he may have listened to too many of those people.
Robin said Jackie and Stuttering John would get together and John would come in and complain about stuff that he and Jackie were discussing. She had to talk him down from that stuff.
Gary said that when they started the E! TV show he had to talk to John about what was going on. He said that they were getting less than they thought they were getting and he had to talk John out of joining up with Jackie to strike to try to get more money. Gary said he didn't want to be part of that so he wanted to be left out of that whole thing.
Jon asked Robin if she was able to talk sense into Jackie. Robin said she tried a couple of times but he just didn't get it. She said he had an idea in his head and he wouldn't let it go. Robin said that Jackie thought the show was standing in his way and he could do bigger things.
Robin said that Jackie didn't just walk off the show one time. She said it was very often. Gary said there was also the time he had his E! camera turned off when he was negotiating with them. He was left in the dark in the studio for a while.
Gary said he went to the library once and got some joke book so he could do the roast on the channel 9 show. He said that Jackie bombed that day and he was convinced that they told the audience not to laugh. He said that they didn't do that but Jackie was convinced that they did. Ralph said he remembers that taping and he remembers talking about how awful it was.
Robin said he probably still thinks that they sabotaged him that day. Robin said that Jackie thought she was the one who sabotaged him on a couple of occasions. She said that he had no ability to self edit. He thought it was all brilliant.
Ralph said he got a tour of the Jokeland archives once and he keeps all of his jokes in binders. Gary said the weird thing for him was when Jackie would get into the disputes and he'd talk to him about it. He said he didn't want to hear about it.
Jon said he got a note about Jackie taking more questions on his show on September 14th. He let Ralph go after that and went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to defend Jackie a bit. He said that Robin seems to have this major problem with Jackie and she's trying to take attention away from how crazy she was back in the day. Gary said she was never crazy on the show to the point where she'd threaten to leave the show like Jackie did.
The caller said he had some examples of the way Robin went nuts. He had an example of her getting upset about Howard wanting to slow down the tempo of a song she was performing. Gary said that was funny though. That was great for the show. The caller also said that Robin wasn't even able to do one book signing. He also had a story about when Robin walked off the show once. Jackie was merciless with her and she walked off when she got offended.
The caller said Jackie took a lot of abuse on the show but they can't do the same thing with Robin. Gary said that wasn't a lot of examples though. He said that it was only 3. He said they bust balls on the show and sometimes they might go too far and that's what happened to Robin.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was noticing that Jackie was always comparing himself to the Beatles but it was more like a Springsteen and the E Street Band. He said that the main element is Howard Stern and not the second and third tier performers. He said that they do add to the production but that's more like what the analogy should be like. Gary said he agrees with him on that. He said that at the end of the day it is ''his band'' so to speak.
The caller asked if anyone there spoke to counselors after the Artie thing. Gary said that he spoke to Artie a few weeks ago but he didn't go to counseling himself. He didn't feel he needed it.
Another caller said he wanted to know who they could stand the most between Artie and Jackie. Gary said that Jackie was more fun to hang out with off the air. He said Artie was more of a loner. Jackie was the party guy. He said he was the one who had stories and always wanted to buy everyone drinks and stuff like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to correct them on the ''Moose'' thing when Howard was talking about Emmitt Smith. He said that isn't his nickname. Gary said he never said it was. He just told Howard that's what they were saying.
Jon asked what happened with David Arquette today. Gary said that David's friend showed up and he found out that they had just met the night before. He said David overslept and called at 9:45 or so to let the friend know that he had just woken up. Gary said he's sure they'll see David tomorrow.
Jon also brought up how Riley had called Tim a porkie pie water pig last night on his show. Gary said the reason they like Riley is because he believes they can't function without him. He said it won't crumble like Riley thinks it will.
Jon said that they also talked about Jerry O'Connell and how he and Rebecca aren't reciprocating with the invites. Jon said that Jerry may come in next week to promote ''Piranha 3D.'' He said that Jerry will not tell Howard if Rebecca does have a problem with Howard. He said they need to get Rebecca on the show to find out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Jackie a little bit. He said they need to separate themselves and get rid of Jackie and never have him on again. He said that he thinks the show sucks. Gary said he'll pass that on to the water pig Tim Sabean. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show having George do an announce for them. George did one about banks and how much he loves them, especially sperm banks. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said David Arquette is going to make his way into the show today. Yesterday he over slept. George asked when he was supposed to be in yesterday. Howard said he was going to come in around 8:30 or so. He wanted to come in for the whole morning. Howard said it would be too noisy to have both David and George sitting in. Howard said he's shooting a movie with his wife so he's in town for a few days. Howard said they're shooting Scream 4.
Howard said David's premise is that he's an intern for the show. He said he'd have to punish him if he really was one though. He said he'd have him sit on Sal's penis for the day or something.
Howard said he was reading a blog about David's friend who was a guy that David had just met the night before. Howard said David played poker with the guy the nigh before and they were out until 1 in the morning or something.
George said he went out to dinner with Richard Christy and his fiancee Kristin. He said they went out to a place in Long Island City near where Richard lives. He said it was called Sheik and it was an Asian Fusion restaurant. George said they drove through some interesting areas on the way out there. He said they saw Richard's apartment and they have a spectacular view. He said it's fantastic. George said it too about half an hour to get past Park Ave. yesterday. He said after that it wasn't too bad.
Howard asked Benjy what he was eating. He said it was vile. Benjy said it was nuts and raisins. He eats it off a piece of paper. Howard gave up on talking to him because it's such a waste of time.
Howard said that Steve Grillo and Ralph are coming in today to straighten some stuff out. They've been mad at each other for years. Howard said Ralph told them that he can't be available until 8 o'clock and he was shocked. He said that the guy works for him and he can't come in a half hour earlier. Gary said he gave him a hard time about taking the IQ test too. He said he didn't want to come in earlier because they wouldn't ''get the best of me.''
Howard said he's done so much for Ralph and he can't get there a half hour earlier. Howard said there are people who tell him that he owes these people nothing. He said the other guy is a radio guy. He said he has told him that he's provided a job for these guys for a ridiculous amount of years and he owes them nothing. He's kept them employed all this time and he doesn't have to keep doing that. Howard said this guy said he's given them enough. Howard said that got him in the right frame of mind.
Howard said he's been nothing but supportive and a good friend. He said he introduced him to a life that he never would have had. Howard said he could have just said ''sure'' and come in a half hour earlier. Howard said he even gave him a dopey radio show. He said they could take that off the air and no one would care.
Gary said Ralph asked him why he wasn't called to help out with the Superfan Trivia show. He said he told him that he's a pain in the ass, that's why he wasn't asked to be involved. Ralph claims that he has a ton of stuff to do today so he's not sure what that is. He said that he claims to have a lot of stuff to do and he can't get there 30 minutes earlier.
Howard said he was reading about how much of a pain in the ass Jennifer Lopez was with the American Idol people. She was being considered for the show but she was such a diva that they decided to drop the idea. She won't be a judge on the show.
Howard said Steven Tyler is supposed to be on Idol too. Howard said he can't imagine why a major player like that would want to be in a show like that to begin with. Howard said the guy doesn't need that. He said he couldn't believe that J-Lo needed it either. He said she's such a pain in the ass that they decided they didn't need her.
Howard said the secret of his career is that he was never a pain in the ass. He said he never had any demands for his dressing room or anything wacky like that. He said they have these celebrities who want certain things and he gets that. He said that some of these people just ask for too much and J-Lo sounds like a massive pain in the ass. Howard said he has heard stories about Jennifer and her husband Marc Anthony. He said they apparently go nuts and carry on with this stuff.
Howard said FOX probably wanted J-Lo really bad but she's such a pain in the ass they couldn't deal with it. Howard said the story was in the paper this morning. He read about how she's 41 years old. He did an impression of Jackie as he was talking about all of these demands. Howard was making fun of him and the way he demanded all of this stuff when he was there. Howard did his Jackie voice demanding more and more stuff and then telling Jackie that he was done with him.
Robin said there were times when there would be an article in the paper and Jackie would get upset because of what they were speculating about Howard getting paid. Howard said that Jackie wanted to be paid based on what he was paid. Howard said no one could afford Jackie other than them.
Howard read about the J-Lo story and how FOX decided not to go with her. A source told them that her demands got out of hand and FOX had enough and gave up on negotiating. Howard said that no one would care if J-Lo was hit by a car and died tomorrow. He said they don't need her that bad. Howard said people are nuts when they get an opportunity and blow it like that.
Howard said Fred knows when he has it good. So does George Takei. He said George sat there with Star Trek and he continues to do it. He said he has a following and he's making a living off of that.
Howard said that George had to share a dressing room with Walter Koenig. He said that had to be awful but George did it. He said that Nichele Nichols was going to walk off of Star Trek after the first season. She was told by Martin Luther King Jr. To stick with it because it was good to see a black woman acting on TV. That kept her on the show. George said that's right. Howard said that it was Martin Luther King who gave her that great advice. That's why he admires that guy. He had a lot of common sense.
Howard said his father told him not to be stupid. he's tried not to be stupid his whole life. He said when he has something good, he should hold on to it. Robin said that Jackie never even announced that he was leaving. He said that he just walked off and there was an empty chair in the studio. Howard said he got all charged up when he heard Robin talking about that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. That led to him playing some audio from that show. He played the clips of Robin talking about Jackie's attitude.
Howard played another clip where Robin and Ralph talked about Jackie. Howard said Ralph wasn't there to see Jackie every day though so he doesn't know. Robin was talking about how Jackie would walk out on the show almost every year.
Howard said that Jackie would walk off of either the radio show or the TV show. Howard said he has a higher tolerance level than most but even he had enough eventually. He said he was just done. He said that he is loyal to his people but now he's learning.
Howard said it became a challenge to him to see how badly he needed this guy. He said he loved Jackie but he didn't really ''need'' him. He said he wanted to keep the show together the way the listeners liked it. He said that he wasn't able to do that with Jackie though. Howard said he had to realize that he could do things on his own without that person. Howard said he doesn't need anybody. He said maybe he'll be a janitor if this doesn't work out. That's what you have to tell yourself.
Robin said her real problem is that Jackie wanted to ruin the party that he was invited to. She said that he had no right to do that.
George said you have to know who you are and what your limits are. Howard said this J-Lo was probably offered a lot of money for that Idol show but she probably had tons of demands. Howard said that he's the first one to say that anyone who performs for a living should get as much as they can get but it has to be reasonable. He said that they probably had her set with money but it was all of the other bullshit that ruined it.
George said that if Jennifer listened to this show she could get a good lesson. Howard said she probably doesn't listen to anyone. Howard said this probably goes back to her mother and father. He guarantees that she feels deprived of something. He said making these demands is a hunger that there is no end to. He said that's what Jackie had. Robin said Jackie never heard what he wanted to hear.
Howard said J-Lo turned the FOX people into her parents. He said she was probably asking for this and that and going on and on. He said she wanted them to love her and it was just too much. He said that you can't be in a relationship with a woman like that unless you're willing to suck on her tittie all day long. Howard said he can imagine what that negotiation was like. Howard said he would love to hear from a mole who knows what went on there. Howard said he feels bad for her kid because if the kid doesn't worship its mom, they're doomed.
Howard said he was never like that. He could have been a Prima Donna when he was at WNBC. He said he was too nice to people and he should have made their lives miserable. Howard said he was too nice. Howard said Imus was awful to them over there. He didn't even have that high ratings but they were thrilled with whatever he had. Howard said they asked him to do a commercial with him and Imus didn't want to do it. Howard said that Imus had stolen his personality by then though. Howard said Imus demanded a Rolex to do the commercial. Howard said he should have just asked for money so he can buy his own Rolex.
Howard said that's like a celebrity asking for a car instead of a raise. Howard said that's what they had to do for Imus. He said they should have thrown his ass right out when he asked for that watch. He got the watch too and he'd walk around showing it off. Howard said it isn't worth getting a watch when you piss everyone off like that.
Howard said FOX had enough of this J-Lo crap. He said they don't even need her that badly over there. They don't know how good she's even going to be on the show. Howard said she should have put in one season before making demands like that. Howard said they could have ended up with another Ellen Degeneres.
Howard said the good judges are people like Piers Morgan who were nobodies here in the States. He said Simon Cowell saw how good Piers was over in England and brought him over here. Howard said the best thing to do would be to have people in the record business come in to judge these kids. Howard said they need to have opinions and they can't be afraid to give them. Howard said Steve Kingston would be good at that. He said that's the kind of guy they need on that show, not J-Lo.
Howard said they need people who are business men who are able to make decisions. Howard said that people just go berserk. Howard said he saw this Imus doing what he did and he was appalled. He said that Imus didn't cause any controversy and the advertisers loved that. Howard said he lost his job because he wanted to do something different and actually brought in listeners to the channel. Howard said he stood for something. They were dick jokes but he did stand up for them.
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Howard played the True Blood theme song and then the George Harrison song. They sounded nothing alike. Howard said that he's not sure what Vinnie is talking about. Fred said that it's in the same key but that's about it. Fred said he had another song by Chris Isaak that sounded kind of similar. It was his song ''Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing'' but even that didn't sound like the song. It wasn't a rip off.
Howard said he has Ralph and Grillo coming in later but he wants to let them tell their stories. Howard said Grillo's side is interesting. Howard said Grillo is very adamant about his side of the whole thing.
Vinnie called in and said that the essence of the song is in that Harrison song. He said it's the same song. Howard said he doesn't hear it.
Vinnie told Howard to play the John Lennon song ''Look at Me'' and it's a solo song that would blow Howard away. He said Howard asked him to give him one yesterday. Howard said he thinks that a great solo song is ''Mother'' by John Lennon. Vinnie told him to check out ''Look at Me.'' Vinnie said there are some great songs on those solo albums. Fred found the song and played it. He had the live version but wanted the album version. He wasn't able to find it. He just played the acoustic version. Howard said it gives him the chills. He knew the song but he liked this version that Fred was playing.
Vinnie told Howard to check out ''God is a Concept'' but play the demo version. Fred didn't have that one. He had to play the studio version of that one. Vinnie was talking over all of this. He wouldn't just let them play the song. Howard said he had to get out of this conversation. Robin said they'll end up spending all morning on this if Howard doesn't stop it.
Howard and Vinnie ended up talking about Mark David Chapman and how he's up for parole this month. Howard said that he can't believe that they let the guy come up for parole. Vinnie said that Julian is now older than John Lennon was when he was killed. Howard said it's ridiculous that they even think about letting Mark David Chapman out. He said he should be in there for life. George said it should be life in prison for a murder. Howard said some people think that they're rehabilitated but they're not.
Howard let Vinnie go but Vinnie said that they have to play more Beatles. Howard said he thought they had a Beatles channel there. They don't. Vinnie said they have to figure out a way to do it because there are a few channels on the web like that. Howard said SIRIUS actually pays for their stuff so that's why they haven't worked out a deal.
Howard said he had a discussion with a woman who is dating Paul McCartney. He said that they spent a few minutes talking about how great Paul is and things like that. Howard said he's shocked at how down to earth the guy is. Robin said it's weird that he's so down to earth but J-Lo isn't. She said that's insane.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should play the Beatles song that he played a while back that no one had ever heard of. Howard said the song was pretty well known now. The caller didn't think it was and told him he should play it. Howard said he played it when he was doing college radio.
Howard had Fred play the song which was ''You Know My Name (Look Up The Number).'' Howard said it was a great song. He said he should write one like that. He said that was the B-side for ''Let it Be.'' He and the caller spent a little time talking about that.
Howard had to let that caller go. He took another call from a guy who said he had an idea for an artist who would work on American Idol. He suggested Ted Nugent. Howard said that he is entertaining but he needs credibility before he can judge people. Robin said that these people are very self centered and they have to get past that before they can be a judge.
Vinnie called back in and said that the song they just played was a great song but they have to play the long version next time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Vinnie has to shut the hell up. He said that he's too carried away with this Beatles stuff. Howard said Vinnie was on one time and hasn't been on at all lately.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said that Ralph yells at his people on the Geektime show and he's out of control. Howard said Ralph will be in soon with Grillo. Mark said they shouldn't give him air time. He said Jon Hein was even going on about him. Howard didn't know what was going on there so he just hung up.
Howard said JD showed him a picture of the girl he's dating and that chick is really cute. Howard said she looks like a Paris Hilton type. He said that's how good looking she is. Robin hadn't seen the picture yet so she wasn't sure she believed that.
Howard said it was a nude picture. JD came in and said that he can't bring his computer in there. He said it's on there and he's not sure if he can show her in there. JD said he'd get his phone and maybe pull it up on there.
Howard told JD that his t-shirt is about 3 sizes too small on him. JD told him to leave him alone. He knows he's fat. Fred said it shows his back fat too. Howard said the shirt was ill fitting. Fred said he can't believe that he has back fat. George just laughed.
Little Mikey called in and told Howard he sent in a song called ''My Sweet Load'' so they might want to play that since they were on George Harrison songs. Fred said he didn't have it in his system. Fred tried to find it but he wasn't having any luck. Howard asked the guys out there if they had it. Fred said the song may not have made the cut. Mikey sang a little bit of the song for them. They didn't have it in the system though so he was out of luck.
Howard said they have a red carpet event that they can send him too. He said it's going to be full of stars. Gary tells him that it won't make it to the finish line. Gary said that he thinks they should let him do it because he knows that he's going to fuck it up. He said this is a big event too.
Howard asked Eric if he's interested. Eric said he is. Howard asked if he's going to ask the questions they give him. Eric said he will, but within reason. Howard said that he's not going to tell him what event this is yet because it's going to be big. Howard said they can't avoid Eric if he's on the red carpet. No person will avoid him.
Howard said that they're going to give Eric 20 or 30 questions and let him pick what to ask the celebrities. Robin said she doesn't think that he can handle that. Gary said that's for Eric to handle though. Howard asked Eric if he can mix it up and read the room so to speak. Eric simply said ''yes.'' Gary asked if he's even there because that's all he's said so far. Howard asked Eric to say ''The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.'' Eric did that. He also said that it's Johnny Fratto's birthday today. He's turning 56 according to his son.
Howard said it's going to be funny either way with this interview thing. He said even if he fucks it up it'll be good. Howard said he's going to give him a shot. Howard said he can't await for the demands to start.
Eric said he knows he can do it. He said he did some interviews in 2006 at a WWE event. He said he was asking questions off the top of his head. Robin asked who told him he did good. Howard said Eric told himself he did good.
Howard told Eric he has to use their questions, not his own. He said he can't have him sucking up to people himself. Eric said he interviewed Jason Hervey off the top of his head. Howard said he can't do that this time. He has to use their questions. Howard told Eric he can't sand bag him. Eric reluctantly said ''no.'' JD said he heard the Jason Hervey interview and it was boring. JD told him to stick to the questions Howard gives him.
Howard said he'll give Eric more details as they go along. Howard asked Eric if he's going to be able to ask J-Lo if she looks at the toilet paper after she wipes. Eric said yes. Howard asked Eric to do some test questions. He had Eric ask him if he looks at the toilet paper after he wipes as if he were J-Lo. Eric did it so Howard said he sounds good. Howard said they'll give him some softball questions to ask too.
Howard asked if he's going to be able to ask ''Does your super big ass make super big turds?'' That got George Takei laughing his ass off. He wasn't able to stop laughing. He said the humor there is interesting. Howard said that George should be the one asking these questions.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eric is going to stab him in the back. Howard said he knows he is and he knows he will get to the red carpet and not ask any of the questions they ask him to do. The caller said that he's just going to try to kiss up to the celebrities and not to Howard. Howard said this is an experiment and they'll have to see what happens.
Eric said the caller was an idiot because he thought he was in France shooting that TV show ''Fringe.'' He was in Canada and not even the French part of Canada.
Howard asked Eric if his roommate is going to be able to help out with this whole thing. Eric said he is willing to help. He said that he would even go to this American Idol audition thing. Howard said they're not going to do that. They're sending him to a real red carpet event. Howard said he's going to give Eric a shot.
Eric said he thinks that the American Idol thing would be funny with the weirdos that show up. Howard said they're going to do the red carpet thing, not the Idol thing. Howard let Eric go after that. Howard said he thinks Eric is going to fuck this up. That's why he's giving it to him.
George even gave her an ''Oh my!'' when he saw her. He said she does look like a mannequin. He said her face is so, uh... lifeless. Robin gave him the lifeless word. Fred said ''Jesus Christ!'' when he saw that. He asked JD why he was at work not. He said he should be camped out with her.
George asked if she's affectionate. JD said ''Uh, yeah...'' Howard asked if she's super wet and tight. JD said she is. He said she's like 28 years old. Howard said it's really hard to believe that JD wasn't able to cum with her.
Ronnie came in and said he knows the girl. He said she's very real. He said she's real good looking. Howard said JD isn't even in love with her and he just says he'll fuck her when he gets the chance. Ronnie said some girls like that attitude.
Ralph came in so Howard had him check out the picture. Ralph said she's very hot and she has big, fake tits. He liked that. Ralph said she's pretty hot and he can't believe JD can't cum with her. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had George do a quick announce. He did one about Robin and how she's there on the show when she's not out saving the world. He predicted that she'll save the women of Afghanistan after just a week of being there.
Howard and Robin talked about the Afghanistan thing. Robin said she's not going there until after she runs the NYC Marathon.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about Medicated Pete being a working man now. He was hired by a gym to work the desk. Lisa said it was thanks to Gary but Howard took the credit. Howard said it's thanks to him that Pete has a job. He can't take the calls himself. Lisa said that Pete is swiping cards and taking phone calls at the gym. He also gets to work out free there at the gym. He's been recognized by some fans and his girlfriend is happy that he's getting out of the house. Howard said he'd like to know if his employer is happy.
Lisa said that they asked Jason about the updates to HowardStern.com and he's said that he expected the changes to happen on Monday but they haven't come yet. He's hoping that they come soon. Howard said Jason is in charge of the web site now and Doug Hurwitt is under Jason. He said Jason can fire Doug if he feels he has to. Howard said he'll fire Jason if he doesn't like the way the site is working.
Lisa said that Jon Hein and Jason Kaplan's ''Fast Food Show'' will be back on Monday night. They'll be doing some taste testing on Monday night so they're asking for fans to help out and bring some food. They need some stuff from the west coast so any fans coming back on Monday can contact them to say what they can bring.
Howard said that Jason and Jon have found a way to get free food. He said he's never seen physiques like they have. Howard said he had to go to the dermatologist the other day and the guy had him turning around, upside down and the guy told him he was in good shape. Howard said that it feels good to be in shape.
George said that he should have Scott and Richard host a healthy food show. Howard said no one wants to hear that. George thinks they do.
Steve said that he's been holding on to this story since about 1996. He was friendly with John Stamos back then and he worked at a night club at the time. He said his friend Wass used to work there too and Stamos was his friend so he would spill his guts to them there at the club. He said John was very honest with him and he was like a close friend to him. Grillo said he even had John's phone number. He said John even called him once when South Park was goofing on him. He asked him to explain what that was all about.
Ralph said the John Stamos brought him on the set of Team America which was done by the guys who do South Park. Howard said Ralph gets to do all of that stuff now.
Grillo said he told Ralph about what he was doing with Stamos back then and Ralph gave him this look of disgust when he heard the story. He said that it was like he was really pissed that he was friendly with John. He said it felt like Ralph wanted that relationship to end.
Howard said that Stamos slowly distanced himself from Steve. Grillo said he knows that Ralph has been working on Stamos all of these years and that's why he backed off. Ralph said he's been able to say at John's house and stuff when John wasn't there.
Howard asked Steve if he feels that Ralph stole John from him. Steve said he knows he did and Ralph is gloating about it now. He said that he probably convinced Stamos not to be friends with him because he's not that close to Howard. Steve said that they hung out with Stamos one time out in L.A. and Ralph ended up staying with John and went to Disney with him. He said that he jumped on him that night and that was the beginning of the end.
Howard asked Ralph what he thinks about this. Ralph said that Steve is delusional. He said that Steve is delusional about a lot of stuff. He wanted to be a waiter at Nobu like he can help. He said that he can barely get into Nobu himself. Steve said he figures that he might know people in there.
Howard said Steve has this hostility toward Ralph and he's not sure why. Steve said that he doesn't have a hostility. Ralph said that Steve has never even come up in conversation when he talks to John. He said that he never did that back then when he first met him either. Ralph said that Grillo may have hit him up for a job or something and John may have thought it was more about helping him get jobs than being his friend. Ralph said that Grillo is insane.
Howard said this feeling is never going to leave him. Grillo said he's been over it for a long time. Howard said he must feel that he weaseled his way in there. Steve said he'll take Ralph's word for it. He said that maybe John didn't like him. Steve said he'll accept that.
Steve said he ran into John Stamos out on the street about 5 years ago and he got his number again but then he lost it. He said he called a couple of times but he hates bothering people so he didn't call a lot. Ralph said that if you give someone your number then they expect you to call.
Howard said that Ralph is the kind of schmooze and Ralph does this with a lot of friends of his. He said that he befriended Jimmy Kimmel and people like that. He had Natalie Maines over and Ralph ended up going to dinner with her. Steve asked how that's possible. Ralph said he's fun. Steve said he needs to get some tips from him.
Howard said that Ralph and Grillo used to be really close. Steve said that Ralph turned his back on him once he left the show. He said they used to go out all the time and when he left he stopped calling. Steve said maybe that's why he's mad at Ralph. He stopped returning his calls all together.
Howard said there's a story that they've never talked about before. Steve said that he and Ralph brought a girl back to his apartment and he got scared and bolted. Steve said that things went down and everyone's clothes were off. He said that he slept in Gange's bedroom. Ralph said that's bullshit. He said that he knows nothing happened between them. Ralph said that Grillo was eating this girl out for like 6 hours. He didn't remember the whole night though. Ralph thought he was banging her and Grillo went down on her after. Grillo said she had a mouth full. Ralph said he passed out and he was still eating her out when he woke up. Grillo said that's not true.
Ralph said that Grillo didn't get freaked out, he stayed in the room eating that girl out. Howard said he heard the story as them double teaming the chick. Grillo said he wasn't freaked out for 20 minutes or so. Howard said he heard that they double teamed the chick naked together. Howard asked if Ralph saw Steve's boner. Ralph said he doesn't remember. Steve said he knows that didn't happen. Steve said he left the room when Ralph started banging her.
Howard asked if Ralph dated Steve's wife. Ralph said she rubbed his cock one night. Steve said Ralph wanted to make it happen but they left him out in the street with a hard on one night. Steve said it was like the 3rd or 4th date he was on with his wife. Robin didn't know that they hung out this much. Steve said that they used to exchange Christmas gifts.
Ralph said that Steve is nuts because he didn't stop hanging out with him because he left the show. He said that Steve is a bummer. He never has money or a job. He said he was always complaining about getting fired and stuff. He said he tried to start up a relationship again with him but he's always complaining and begging him to show up at his bar where he works.
Ralph said that Robin even said that Steve is a bummer. Robin told him to leave her out of this. She said she never said that. Ralph said she did.
Ralph said that Steve left the show and he turned into a real bummer. Howard asked if Ralph sabotaged Steve's relationship with Stamos. Ralph said he did but he was joking.
Robin said that she doesn't recall ever saying that Steve is a bummer. She said she didn't even know that Ralph was that close to Steve so how could they have had that conversation?
Howard asked about the girl they were with. Ralph said she was a black chick and she was a really dirty girl. Howard asked Steve what he got off of her. Steve said he may have eaten her out. He said something like that happened. Ralph said the room was thick with fog from the smoke. He said they were smoking and Grillo ate her out for hours. Steve said that wasn't true.
Ralph asked how his dick tasted. Steve said he didn't kiss that chick so he doesn't know what it tasted like. He said that there were some things that were clear in his head and he knows he didn't eat her out after Ralph was with her.
Howard said he can't believe that Ralph and Grillo almost shared Grillo's wife. Ralph said she used to rub his cock whenever he'd see her. Grillo said she doesn't drink anymore.
Ralph said that friends come and go so what are you going to do? Robin said they should have had Stamos on this morning to find out why he stopped calling Steve.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Grillo is being a little bitch. He said that this is dumb bullshit. Grillo said maybe it is but they're there on the air. The guy said that he's just trying to get on the air. Grillo said that he didn't call them, they called him. Grillo said that the guy is at home laughing so that's why it's good. The caller said he's laughing because he's stupid.
Another caller said that Grillo turned out to be a nobody loser and Ralph is still friends with Howard so he obviously made a good choice.
KC Armstrong called in and said that someone told him the other day that Steve could beat him in an IQ test. He said there's no way that would happen. Steve said he thinks that it would be close but he thinks he could beat him. Robin said that she's going to say Steve is a little bit ahead of KC. Howard said KC had a 700 on his SAT. Steve had a 900.
Howard asked KC if he could steal John Stamos from Ralph. KC just laughed. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that they can beat a 102 IQ. KC said he knows he can. He said they can bet on that. Howard asked what 9x7 was. KC said 63. Howard asked Steve if he knew that. Steve said he did. Steve gave the same answer.
KC took a test online years ago. He said he didn't remember the score but it was something like a 98. Gary said he can't remember exactly but the number 88 was stuck in his head. Howard said that's a dull adult. KC said that he could score better than that. Steve said he can too.
KC said he was a kid when he took that test. Howard said that KC took the test when he was there on the show. KC didn't remember that. Gary said that Jason scored the test and he says that it was an 88. KC said he can beat that now.
Howard said if he leaves this year, he's going to have everyone back on the show. The whole crew. He said he'll have everyone but Stuttering John back... and no Scott Einziger. Then he said he'd have everyone, even Scott and John. Steve asked if that's really going to happen. Howard said it could. He said that he may leave at the end of the year. He said that alarm this morning just sucked. He said he got up at 3 and wasn't able to get back to sleep and then the alarm went off at 4:30.
Ralph told Howard to just start the show later and get up later. Ralph said that only crazy people are up at 6am listening anyway.
Howard said he's going to match KC and Grillo up on an IQ test. KC got in a plug for Max Muscle out in Orange County, California. That's where he's working now. Howard said Steve is looking a little scary right now. Gary said that Steve had some of that green drink back in the green room and he claims that's all he's drinking. Howard said maybe Stamos dropped him because he got fat.
Howard asked the guys what the outcome of this is going to be. Steve said he still thinks that Ralph back stabbed him to Stamos. Ralph claims that he never said anything to him about Steve. Steve said he'll take that as the truth then.
Howard asked Ralph if he'd give up any of his friends to Steve. Ralph said that he's not sure. He said he definitely won't give up Sam Simon to him. Steve said that's not cool. He said he loves The Simpson's and he'd love to be his friend. Ralph is going to be staying out at Sam's house all by himself in a few weeks. Ralph said he can come out and stay on the floor of the house when he's out there.
Howard said it must drive Steve crazy that Ralph is so close to Sam. Steve said it does. Howard said maybe Steve can be friendly with David Arquette. Ralph said he'll be out there in a few weeks so maybe he'll stop by.
Howard took a call from a woman who said there are plenty of reasons to hate Ralph but the Stamos thing doesn't matter. She said that Stamos is a vapid cunt.
Howard told Steve that he should try to hang out with George. Steve asked him to lunch but George has plans. Howard said George has lunch with Ralph today actually. Howard asked George who he would want to hang around with. George laughed and said Ralph seems to be the more rational one. Steve said he'd have fun with him though. Howard said there's only room for one Stern show friend with some people so that's why they pick Ralph.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Steve could pick Ralph's cock out of a line up. Steve said he never saw it, it was in the chick's mouth. Howard said he never wants to be in a room with another dude while they're having sex. Steve said he doesn't want to do it either. Howard said that it sounds like Steve and Ralph were pretty close that night. Steve said he kept his eyes averted. Ralph said they weren't like comparing cocks or anything. They were concentrating on the chick. Howard asked if the chick was getting off on that. Ralph said Steve has a small penis.
Another caller said that Ralph is like the gay Kato Kalin and he just mooches off of people. She said he's a loser. Ralph said it sounds like a winner to him. He said he doesn't mooch. That's not entirely true. Ralph also said he gets a paycheck every week... or every other week.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked why they don't get Stamos on the line. Howard said he didn't know how to get in touch with him. Ralph could have done that though. He had the number. Howard said John wouldn't day anything bad about Steve. Steve said he didn't want to bother him this early anyway. Howard said he should ask him what was going on. Steve said John was really cool to him when they were friends.
Howard asked Steve what else is going on. Steve said that he's working on his pilot and they have a ''sizzle reel'' done. He said they shot most of the pilot and they take scenes and make it into a commercial.
Howard said he got a ''sizzle reel'' from ''Cowboys & Aliens'' and it looks fantastic. He said he has to give it back to the movie company today. Howard said it's spectacular. He said that Daniel Craig is in it and he's fantastic. Howard said he thinks this will be a hit.
Steve said he's reading for a big director on Thursday. He said he's reading for a big casting director on Thursday too. He said he's taking classes and they help you meet casting directors and stuff. He was talking very fast and not getting his thoughts out. Steve said he didn't want to say who the director was on the air.
Steve said he had to thank the people at C and C for helping him out with his acting and stuff. Howard wished him luck with the acting projects and stuff. George said he could be a young Joe Pesci. Robin said he's not far from being an old Joe Pesci.
Ralph got in a plug for the new Geektime show they're doing this Saturday on Howard 101 from 2-4pm. He said they have a new contest to announce on the show this week. He can't mention what it's about today though. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that their ''intern'' David Arquette was back. Howard said that he's a day late but he's there. Gary had to show him how to put his headphones on. He didn't want to lose his hat. Howard told him he shouldn't care about how his hair looks. David said that Howard never cares about how his hair looks.
Howard asked David about this guy that showed up yesterday. David was giggling so Howard asked if he was high. David said he wasn't high but he might have some remnants of booze in him. He said he does drink.
Howard said that the guy that showed up yesterday was a guy he just met the night before. David said that he was in his hotel and he saw guys out on the roof playing cards in the building next door. David said he asked if they wanted another guy. He said he was kind of stewing about how they said it was a private game so he went out and walked up and crashed their game. He said the guys recognized him when he got there. He said they let him play and they were playing for 20 bucks. Howard said he heard he lost. David said he lost and he paid 20 bucks for the game and 20 for the beer.
David said that the guys all went to school together. He said the kid that came there sells medical equipment. Robin said that they got stuck with him when he didn't show up. Howard said they had this guy hanging out there in the green room blogging about the whole thing.
Howard said David is his intern so he has to punish him somehow. He has to let Sal sit on his face with a Roman soldier helmet. David said ''Oh no!'' when he heard that. Howard was just kidding though.
Howard asked David what he was out doing last night. He said he was out at a club. He said that Courteney is really cool about that stuff. Howard said his wife has really great legs. He said he was out at that party and David shut him down when he was trying to talk to her. Howard said he ''Cox blocked'' him. David said he saw that they were getting along and he had to stop that.
Howard asked if Stamos was with Courteney at some point. David said he thinks that Stamos has fucked everyone. He said Stamos did tell him that he taught her how to play drums. He seemed to be implying that he had sex with her. Howard said he asked her if she had gone out with him and she was trying to explain that to him when David interrupted.
Howard said he read that David tattooed his whole back or something. David said it was on his arm actually. It says ''good times'' and he got it done at Lolapalooza. He said he's doing Scream 4 right now so that's why he has that moustache that he has. He figured that George really liked that look. George said it was very nice. Howard asked if he would blow a thick load on that moustache. George laughed and asked if he was game. George said he wouldn't do that.
Howard asked David if his whole family is in acting. David said they are all in the business. He said that his sister Alexis is going to do a show with him at Beacher's Madhouse. He said they're going to do a show on Tuesday nights.
Howard said he liked Alexis on the reality show she was on, The Surreal Life. Howard asked if she ever had her cock removed. David said that she doesn't answer that question unless someone is going to fuck her. He said he's not sure if she's going to go all the way with that. Howard asked who has the bigger cock, David or Alexis. David said he's not sure. He said that he has seen Alexis' cock but it was when they were kids. He said he hasn't seen it since he was about 8.
David said he and Alexis shared a bedroom but she got so sick of him that she moved into the closet and lived in there for like 2 years. He said that Alexis knew that she was who she was as early as he can remember. David said that people are fucked up in school so it was rough on Alexis. Howard said that she's very womanly and very effeminate. David said that she'll beat the fuck out of anyone who messes with her. David said the most dangerous people on Santa Monica Boulevard are the transvestites. He learned that when he was studying about a role he had.
Howard said it must have been tough for David seeing his brother grow up like that. David said it was rough. He said that it's such bullshit when they give them a hard time about who they are. David said if people don't get it now, they'll never get it.
Howard asked where they're shooting Scream 4. He said they're doing that out in Ann Arbor, Michigan. He said Courteney is done with her stuff because she had to go back to shoot Cougar Town. He said he's still working on it and he's working on the movie with Neve Campbell. He said she's great. Howard asked if he's ever done her. David said he's never cheated on his wife.
Howard said Courteney is really cute. He said they got to hang out at the Jimmy Kimmel party. David said that she really liked Howard and she wants to get to know him better. Howard said it was very sexy when she was playing drums.
Howard asked if Courteney talked to Jennifer Aniston about him. David said she didn't but he's been trying to get a shot of Jennifer's naked ass for Howard. He said he's been trying to get it but it's kind of creepy. He said he's asked Jennifer about it and she was open to doing it. He said that he was trying to sneak up on her to get the shot. He said he couldn't get it naked but in a bikini. David said that he's been speaking the gospel of Howard to Jennifer. He said that people don't understand how important Howard is to the world. He tries to explain that to everyone who thinks about going on the show. Howard said Courteney won't even come on. David said she will come on but she doesn't get up this early. He said she'll probably come in when she's out promoting Cougar Town in a few months.
Howard asked who he has convinced to come on the show. He said he thinks that Zac Efron would come in. Howard said the only guy is that guy that showed up yesterday. David said he told Gary he was wiling to come in there and do real intern shit. He said Gary told him not to come in until late because George is there.
David told the guys how he lost his virginity to two girls at once. He said that they were older than him too. He said they blessed him with a crazy experience.
Howard said David was with Lisa Marie Presley but David said that was not true. He said he really didn't bang her. Howard mentioned Drew Barrymore. David said she's a great person. He said they were both young. He said she's such a sweetheart. Howard said she must have been really tight. David laughed and said she was a great girl.
Howard told David to go over to the Real Doll and show them what he did to Drew. He had to pull a sheet off of her to see her. She still didn't have the vagina installed yet. Howard said the vagina comes separately and no one was able to get it in there. Howard said it must be the wrong vagina. He said Ralph was trying to do it and he wasn't able to. David said he just met Ralph for the first time this morning. He said he's like a mini-Howard.
Howard asked David why he dumped Drew. David said they were just friends. Howard read that he was with Alyssa Milano. David asked him to please not go down this road. He said he had a story about her though. He said Alyssa was another great girl. He said they were living with each other at one point. He said he was such a bad boyfriend though. He said she asked him to leave because he was such a dick. He said she found another guy and he didn't want her to be with him and he started stalking her. He said he sat outside her house a couple of nights. He said he saw her out at a club one night and she was with the new guy. He said he kicked his door or something. He said it got ugly. David said he tried to go to an audition one time and tried to get in. They said that she was filming a show and he was banned from the lot because of that.
Howard asked if he was cheating on her. David said he was young and he wasn't paying attention to her. He said he was just a bad boyfriend. Howard asked if a man would be more blessed with Drew or Alyssa. David said they're both great people.
Howard said that he was trying to figure out what John Stamos did with Courteney. David said that he and Courteney have talked about all of that stuff before. He said that they got that out of the way. They've been married for like 11 years now.
Howard wanted to give David an F, Marry, Kill game but David didn't want to do that. Howard said he used to jerk off to Alyssa Milano when she was on that ''Who's the Boss'' show. Howard said she's hot. He said he made sure she was 18 before he would jerk off to her though. Howard asked how old he was when he was dating her. David said he was like 18 or 19.
Howard said that it seemed like Demi Moore and Courteney were close at that party. David said that they are close. He said they're friendly. He said he was really fucked up after drinking the moonshine that Johnny Knoxville brought to that party. Howard said his wife even tried that stuff. He said that was made in someone's basement.
Howard said he didn't know David was a tattoo guy. David said he does like them. He said Courteney told him he didn't want to be his mother anymore. He said he can take care of himself just fine but sometimes he may be kind of a maniac once in a while. He said that his wife gave him a motorcycle on their 11th anniversary. He said that she either loves him or she's trying to kill him off. He said he's not sure which one it is.
David said it's been an interesting time lately. He said he's had a lot of demons coming out since he started shooting Scream 4. He said Wes Craven is directing and he's bad ass. Howard said he plays Dewey in the movie. David said he's still doing the movie and so is Neve. He said she looks beautiful too. Howard said it sounds like fun. David said it is fun.
Howard said he had to take some calls and then play some tape of Underdog Lady on Superfan Roundtable. He said that he has to play some tape of Ving Rhames.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked David if he has one of those medical refer cards. David said he did but he let it run out. He said it was a whole thing he didn't want to go through. He said he has a bad back so that's how he got the card. He said he has to go through a whole meeting with a doctor. He said they try to keep it legit too. He said it's kind of funny. He said they have great pot too. He said that they even have special candies and foods with pot in them. He said his wife doesn't have a bad back but she might get an adjustment once in a while.
Howard asked David if he had a good time at that Jimmy Kimmel party. David said that was one of the best times he's ever had. He said it was magic. He said Courteney was really taken with him too.
The caller asked David how often he smokes. David said it might be once very two weeks or so. The caller said that was bullshit. Howard said that probably means every other day. Howard asked if the medial marijuana comes in special packaging. He said some of it does.
The caller asked George if he smokes. George said he has. He said he's tried some things like poppers before too. Howard asked about other drugs. George said he hasn't tried LSD, Shrooms or anything like that.
The caller also asked Howard why his iPhone doesn't have Howard on the SIRIUS app. Howard said that they have a whole business complication with that. David said they have to get with it on that.
The caller asked if they can get David or George on the show permanently for the rest of Howard's contract. Howard said he'll let them take over the show when he leaves. It would be Arquette and Takei in the morning.
Howard asked if he had to take a break. Fred said he should. Howard said he's not sure he's going to have time to get to everything this morning. David brought in some cookies for the guys so he was asking if anyone wanted any. Howard asked if the cookies were good for the back. David said they are just regular cookies. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that one of the Mets beat up his father-in-law at Citi Field. David was making noise with his mic so Howard asked what was going on with that. Robin said he's a really bad intern. David said that Steve Brandano was giving him shit out there. He said he was saying he's not a real intern.
Howard said he's pretty sure that his father-in-law could beat the shit out of him. Robin said that it was Francisco Rodriguez who beat up his father-in-law. Robin said he was in jail but Gary said he's actually locked up at the stadium, not at a police station. The cops are claiming that he'd be in danger if they put him in jail. David said they have a court room in the Philadelphia Eagles stadium so they can try people right there.
Howard had George do a quick announce. He did one about how he loves Cocks, not Courteney Cox but actual cocks.
David said he was trying to get Courteney to do a commercial for her bother's pool service where she'd lay out in a bikini and say ''I love Cox... pools.'' He said she won't do it. David said he wanted to do a PSA too where they'd be banging so they could get some attention for battered wives. Howard didn't understand what he was talking about. David said he has some crazy ideas just to raise awareness.
Howard moved on to Mike Walker who was ready to play his gossip game. Howard said that David Arquette is one of Mike's favorite subjects. Mike and George spent a few seconds speaking to one another in Japanese.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
In the middle of the game Howard said David didn't understand what the second story was about. That led to them talking about sex scenes in movies and stuff like that. Howard was pretending to be Courteney Cox talking to Mike. Howard was asking Mike to stop writing stories about her.
Howard picked story 3 as the fake one. Everyone else, Fred, Robin, George and David, went with story 2. The actual false story was number three.
The host asked Ving what the movie was about and Ving gives them a very brief and creepy description. He was speaking in a creepy voice as he did the interview.
Robin said this is the craziest interview she's ever heard. Howard said there's a lot more. It gets stranger. Howard said he wanted to tell them about Underdog Lady (Suzanne Muldowney) too. He said they'll be there all day long though. Howard said it was kind of sad when she was on Superfan Roundtable. He said that the guys on the show can't say anything wrong about Underdog because they'll chase her away. He said they played it perfectly.
Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about what Underdog means to her and how her family gave her a hard time about it. She said her siblings appreciate what she's doing instead of condemning it like they did when they were kids.
David said they have to get her on the Sybian. Howard said he feels bad for her parents. Robin said that she was never supported and she could have let go of her fantasies if they had just played along. Howard said they probably tried to tell her that people were laughing at her and there is no Underdog.
Howard said she has some kind of disconnect to the fact that she's on his channels there. Howard said that they asked her about that too. In the clip Mutt asked what happened with her and Howard. Underdog Lady said that she hadn't heard of him before she went on the show. She said she can't trust him because they contacted her to be on another program and lied to her about how she would have a good time and they insisted that all of the nominees be there for the award show they had. She started to describe the statue they had there and Jim Florentine asked about the snatch. Mutt tried to keep it rated G for Underdog.
Howard said the award show was the Schphinctie ward and they only had one so they couldn't give one to everyone. Howard said they were stuck in Secaucus, New Jersey with no way out. Howard played a clip from that show where Underdog said she couldn't accept the award. Howard said this was from their TV show. Underdog gave a speech about what happened to her and how she was fooled into coming on the show. She rambled on and on about what was going on there at the show and how disgusting it was to her. She rambled on for quite a while.
Gary told Howard that in the video you can see Howard taking a step forward every time he thinks she's done. She puts her hand up and stops him. Howard eventually tried to stop her from speaking but she said she had more to say. They let her say a few more words about how evil the show was and how she didn't want people wasting their time on this show. She then took the award and threw it on the ground when she was done.
Steve said Danny Aiello was at the rehearsal for Vinnie Favale's play ''Hereafter'' and he loved it. Steve said they also have an update about Underdog Lady's birthday coming up next week. He said she's gotten some gifts that she told Shuli about.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of things they were going to be covering today. The Ralph and Grillo thing was one of them. That led to Howard and Robin spending a minute talking about that. They also talked to David about the club he went out to last night. David said he was just passing out balloons there. Howard said that David is making strange faces with that moustache on his face. He said it must be driving him nuts. George thought it looked cute.
Ralph said that he thinks David may still be drunk. Gary said that they saw that David was Tweeting at 4:30 in the morning so he may not have gotten any sleep. David said he just started the Tweeting thing. The guys spent a little time talking about Eric the Midget's new job doing the red carpet interviews.
Mutt was on the line to talk about tonight's Superfan Roundtable. Robin said that the show is Superfan Roundtable so she's not sure why Underdog is on the show. Mutt said they had to agree not to mention Howard's name. Mutt said they have a bunch of stuff to talk about tonight on the show. Superfan Roundtable is on at 7pm on Howard 101. They went to break after that.
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Robin started her news with a story about the guy who had the pea plant growing in his lung. Robin said they're trying to explain how that could happen. Howard didn't believe the story but Robin said that they are saying that this was a real thing. She said that it was a pea sprout that was growing in his lung. Robin said they found a pine tree growing in another man at one time. Robin said they say that the seed germinates in the warm, moist environment but it can't grow very large without sunlight. Robin said they think that he had a raw specimen on his plate since a cooked pea should not sprout.
Howard brought up last night's America's Got Talent and how they had some people from YouTube on the show. He said they had some interesting stuff on there. He said he was fascinated by one guy who had a woman changing clothes over and over. He said he wants to know how she did it. That led to David talking about the club he's starting that will have acts like that. He said that it's going to be ''David Arquette Presents Beacher's Madhouse'' at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood.
Robin read about how Mark Burnett is developing a prison talent show. She said that they're going to call it ''Dancing Behind Bars.'' Robin said some people are wondering if Mark Burnett has run out of ideas.
Robin read a story about a study that's being done about ''picky eaters.'' Robin said that they're trying to start a registry for these picky eaters. Howard said if you send them to Africa they'll eat anything you stick in front of them. Robin read about some of these people who eat junk food and only junk food. Howard said he knows a lot of people like that. He said Jon Hein won't even try pasta. He said there's something wrong with him. That's babyish. Robin read about how it may be a medical condition. Howard said it's learned, it's not a medical condition.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from West Palm Beach. He said he loves the way they take care of their homes down there. Howard said he wishes he was there now. Howard said he loves snobs who take care of their homes. Howard said he'd like to worm his way into their neighborhoods. He said he buys his way in.
George said that he lives in his neighborhood because Nat King Cole worked his way into that neighborhood many years ago.
The caller asked Howard about Jerry O'Connell not reciprocating his invites. He asked Howard if he does that with George. Howard said that's stupid, it's not the same thing.
Robin read about different smart phones and how popular they are and how different groups are known for doing different things. They did a study about the different owners and who is more likely to have sex. Howard said that's a stupid story. He said it's insane.
Robin had a story about a woman who got a liver from her family member. She had some audio of her talking about living donations and how well they can work. Howard said he'd never do anything like that. Howard joked that he keeps Scott the Engineer around to harvest from if his kids get sick.
Robin read about this new drug that's out called Spice. She said it's a synthetic marijuana. Robin said they're trying to ban it in Indianapolis. It's been banned in a couple of states already. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how the publicity is going to make it even more popular.
Robin read about Fantasia Barino's alleged suicide attempt. Robin said that they've released the 9-1-1 call that was made after she took the pills. Robin had the audio. Howard played some of that and it was very hard to understand. The man who made the call said she was in the shower trying to stay awake. The operator told them to take her out. Robin said her managed has said she was overwhelmed by the stories in the paper about her recently.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been barred from the Wrap Up Show because he called Jon Hein the Blow Job King of Michigan State. He said he wants to be back on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he can't do anything about it. Gary said he doesn't even know who he is. Jon said he hasn't banned this guy. The caller said it must be Steve Brandano then. He said he's called him names. Howard said he doesn't think it's a good idea to ban anyone but he's not going to stop them from not taking calls.
Gary told Howard that this guy was saying that he was going to sue Steve for banning him from the show. Howard said it appears he's nuts then. He told the guy, Tommy, to just call into his show instead.
The caller said he sent him some t-shirts and wondered if he saw any of them. Howard said he didn't see any of them. Gary said Jon Hein may have gotten one of them. The guy said that he likes Jon but he's disturbing to look at. Jon said that he's now banned from the Wrap Up Show.
Robin got back to her news and read about Jennifer Lopez being dropped from the American Idol line up. Robin said that People Magazine is reporting that FOX stopped negotiations because she was so hard to deal with. David was saying that they need Howard on that show. Howard said it seems kind of desperate the way some of the people are campaigning to get on there. Harry Connick Jr. is one of them. Robin said that Nick Cannon is saying that Mariah Carey would like to be on the show too. Howard said he's shocked that Steven Tyler is doing it. He said that's like one of the Beatles doing the show. He wondered if he needs the money. David said maybe he just wants an easy gig.
They spent a short time talking about the judges on the show and David just kept saying that everyone is a sweetheart. Howard told him to name one person in Hollywood that he doesn't like. David didn't have any names. He said he hasn't met too many. He said he couldn't remember any. Howard said he doesn't like John Mayer. David said he's alright. Robin said he said some negative stuff about Jennifer Aniston. David said he was an interesting character. He said he has an insane sense of humor. Howard said he'd like to interview the guy. David thinks he'd be a great interview. Howard thought he just said that she was good in bed. David said he said something about Jessica Simpson being good in bed.
Robin read some news about the fight that happened with one of the Mets and his father-in-law at Citi Field the other night. Robin said the father-in-law had abrasions on his face after the fight.
Robin read about this flight attendant who opened an emergency exit on a plane. Howard said he's no hero and he's not sure why people are worshiping him. Howard said that he was putting people in danger and it's ridiculous. Howard said he knows some people love the guy around there like Lisa G. He said he's going to have to straighten her out about that. Robin said that the flight attendant was upset when they took off in Pittsburgh before they even got to New York. Robin said that he stopped serving drinks and snacks halfway through the flight for no apparent reason. Howard said this guy is never going to work again. He said that's no way to behave. He said you quit your job and move on. Howard said he bets that the nuts at ABC will put him on Dancing with the Stars. He said if they do that he's never watching again. He went off on the guy for a few minutes was Robin was reading the details of the story.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked them for being so kind of the gays and lesbians on this show. He told Howard that he's getting his penis cut off. Howard said that he should think twice about that before getting it done. Howard said that he's heard from other people who have had that done and the sex is horrible. The guy said that he isn't very sexual so it may not matter. David told him to have the doctor keep the whole head of the penis as the clit. Howard told him to make sure he gets some good piss flaps. Howard told the guy to come in and show them his new vagina when he gets the surgery. He said he'd live to come in and do that. He said Bubba wasn't nearly as nice to him as Howard is. Howard told him to have the doctor look at Courteney Cox's vagina and model it after that. David said he'd send him a picture if he wanted.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about a woman's looks and how attractive women have trouble getting certain jobs depending on what they are. The better looking some women are, the harder it is to get certain jobs according to this study.
Howard asked David who had the hairiest private parts out of the famous people he dated. David wasn't saying. He did tell Howard that Courteney isn't fully shaved. He said she's trimmed but not fully shaved.
Howard asked David about how he got started in acting. That led to Robin asking who he admires. Howard said he heard that he admires Alyssa Milano and Drew Barrymore. David said he actually likes Robert Downey Jr. and some other guys like that.
Howard asked who is a bad actor. David said he doesn't bad mouth anyone. Robin asked if he just mouthed ''Nicholas Cage.'' David said he loved him in Kick-Ass. Howard said he hopes they make a sequel to Kick-Ass because he really liked that movie.
Robin read about the death of this guy who was known as the angel of death. He died at the age of 72. Howard said that would suck if that's how you ended up dying. Robin said the guy has been on death row for a while now. Howard said Robin once jumped on a guy's bed and humped him. Robin said she didn't hump him, she just jumped up and got on his lap because he thought he would be ''half a man'' after losing his leg in a motorcycle accident.
Howard took a call from Wheels while Robin was reading a story about the economy. Wheels asked who the biggest power couple is, the Arquette couple or the Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher couple. David said that it's Demi and Ashton. He said Ashton has 5 million followers on Twitter. Howard asked where he's at on Twitter. David said it was @DArquette but it's actually @DavidArquette
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could come up to the studio when he does his farewell show. Howard said he'll have to think about it. Howard said he'd put him on the list if he does decide to do that.
Robin read a story about the tourism in New York City and how everyone seems to be coming there. Fred was playing some Dave Lampert clips so he threw in an ''I'm cumming'' clip when Robin mentioned that. Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about the way tourism is in New York City lately.
Robin said that the jury in the Rod Blagojevich trial is deadlocked. Robin said they're not sure exactly what they're deadlocked on right now. Robin said that the jury sent out to the judge asking what they're supposed to do now.
Robin said that Michael Cera is in a new movie and she had some audio of him talking about that. Howard didn't like the idea of the movie but David told him he would like it. Howard said he has to go watch Resident Evil: Apocalypse instead.
Robin read about a football player that has failed to show up for training so he's been fined $100,000 already. Robin said he's in some kind of contract dispute.
Robin read about the movie ''Eat, Pray, Love'' and had some audio of Julia Roberts talking about that. Howard bailed out on the clip about 2 seconds in. David said he loves how he does that but now it's going to be in his head the next time he does an interview.
Robin had some more audio of Steve Austin talking about ''The Expenedables'' movie and then some more of Julia Roberts. Howard let them play for a short time but bailed out pretty quick. He said Julia sounds like the kind of chick that could suck the life out of you.
Robin read that Courtney Love is saying that her daughter may not live until the age of 23 now that she has all of the money she has.
Howard wrapped up after that. He said it was a long show but a very fun one. He thanked David for coming in and also thanked George for being in all week. They ended the show around 11:20am.
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Jon moved on to talk about Eric the Midget and his new job doing red carpet interviews. Gary said he doesn't think Eric can do it but they're going to give him the chance. He said that Eric is bothered by everything. He said that today he has a big change of heart though. He said that he wasn't complaining at all today so he gave him that.
Jon said they also had the battle between Steve Grillo and Ralph today. He said they were very close at a certain point. Gary said they weren't that close. He said they had sex with a chick together once. Jon said it sounded like it was a literal threesome too. He said that they were all doing it at the same time.
Jon said that Ralph was saying that Grillo is insane and Grillo was arguing that. Gary said he has to side with Ralph because every example Grillo gave was about a look or body language. Gary said he likes hanging out with Ralph and he's not any trouble. Jon said he's great to hang out with.
Ralph came in and said that David invited him out to his guest house for a few weeks. He said that he's not as uptight about it as Howard is. Jon asked what it is about him that people find so endearing. Ralph said he's fun to hang out with.
Ralph said he brought this up to Stamos and he said it was more about Steve constantly asking him to get him work that led to him dropping him.
Gary said that he's seen Ralph super excited to hang out with people. He said Kevin Spacey was the one he really got excited about. Ralph said it was really cool but he contained himself. He said he can do that. He said that celebrities are just people. They're more fun than regular people though. He said that's why he's weeded out the regular people from his life. Gary asked why Ralph hangs out with them. Ralph said after January he may not. David Arquette was in so he said that he just wanted to snuggle with Ralph.
Ralph wanted to bring him in on GeekTime to do the show on a Saturday. David said that's a real geek who has nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon. Jon said that was well said.
David said he was upset about Howard saying that he had ruined the band when they were at Jimmy Kimmel's party. He said he's not sure why Howard was upset with his trumpet playing. He said he blows an awkward trumpet but he can kind of play. He said he might hit moments within a song once in a while.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that David and George need to be on the show more often. He said that David's laugh is infectious. He was also saying that Ralph needs to get that berry removed from his face. Ralph said that's the source of his powers. Ralph said that thing attracts celebrities. David said he was drawn to it like a moth.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that David is great on the show. He said he also thinks that Ralph has the celebrity friends a because he keeps his mouth shut. He said that the celebrities are real people and they're not worried about him going to the tabloids and stuff. He thinks that they have a trust with Ralph based on what they've heard about him over the years. Gary said that they didn't know that before they befriended him though. The caller said Ralph never talks about anything that happens with them.
Jon asked Ralph to describe the three way he had with Grillo. Ralph said that he's not trying to be evasive but he can't remember a lot about it. He said they were avoiding each other and not making eye contact. He said that they weren't doing DP or anything together. Ralph said there was a lot of pot and drinking involved. He said they didn't plan to have a three way either. He said they just started smoking and drinking. He said when he passed out and woke up 8 hours later, Steve was still going down on the chick. Gary asked if that was his first threesome. Ralph said his first one was at Gary's bachelor party. He said that was just two girls though. He said there was also a creepy guy in the corner watching him.
Gary said he was at a party one time and there was a girl getting groped in the room and there was one hand that if you followed, went right to Grillo. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked what it was like being with George in the studio. David said he loves George and what he brings to the show. He said he's so witty and open that it's the best. Ralph said he really is great and he's not bitter or anything. He's just a great guy and you want to hug him.
Jon said that David and George are both great because they have fun and they're not afraid to make fun of themselves.
A caller said he loves when David is on the show but he's curious if anyone else has asked to do the same thing. Gary said Russell Brand has a book coming out and his manager wanted to make the appearance special so he wanted to let him sit in all day. Gary said that they mentioned that David had already done it and the manager didn't know about that.
The caller wondered if they're trying to sell Russell as the new Howard Stern. Gary said he doesn't think that's it at all. He said he's good on the show and he and Howard get along very well.
Jon asked Ralph about Robin calling him a liar about the Steve Grillo story. Ralph said he remembers the conversation and Robin must have just forgotten about it. He said that Steve is a bummer because he doesn't have money and he's always complaining he doesn't have a job. Gary said that Grillo needs to move on. He said that he was telling him about his sizzle reel and how he feels alive when he's out there doing that stuff for the reality show. He said he fears that he's not going to feel alive much.
Ralph said that he should be an electrician like he was training to be. Gary said Steve said that was killing him to do that. Ralph said that he's always blaming other people for his problems and he should just go be an electrician.
Gary said Steve kept bugging him about stuff during the whole show. He said the funny thing is that when they booked him to do the show he told Jason ''I never ask for anything...'' Gary said he's heard that he can spend the whole day there hanging out with the different people there. Jon said that he just keeps going and going from one person to another until he just leaves. Gary said they like Steve but he wishes that he would just go out and make a living. They had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:45am.