|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how Gary was kind of phlegmy this morning. He said that Gary denies that He has it the rest of the day when He complains. Robin said that Gary must know He has it and it must get worse when he's in front of Howard. Howard said He must drive him nuts with that. Howard said everybody drives him nuts. He said there isn't anyone who doesn't.
Howard said He has some pain in his side and it must be from getting older. He said he's not sure what it is and it's kind of weird. He said he's tired of waking up and having something new. He's never at 100 percent. He said He was taking a break from running for a while so He went for a walk yesterday. That might be why He has this pain.
Robin said she ran over the weekend and did 5 and 6 miles on Saturday and Sunday. She said it was really hot out too. She said that she has to consume a lot of vegetables to do that much running. Howard said there is no winning for him. He said life is grand.
Howard said He had a good day yesterday. He said He saw at least 3 America's Got Talent shows. Howard said He likes Howie Mandel on that show. He said the guy is funny. Robin said she liked David Hasslehoff on the show because He was so wacky. Howard said He was pretty nutty. Robin said that David is back on The Young and the Restless as a doctor. That's the soap opera He started out on.
Howard played the song ''Urine Flow'' which was to the tune of Pearl Jam's ''Even Flow.'' Sal was signing about Robin's peeing through her piss flaps. Howard wasn't even sure what he said but he didn't like it. Gary wasn't really sure either so they all tried to figure out what it was about. Howard said that ''piss flaps'' is a disgusting word. He said he hates that. Howard said he did ask for everything that Sal and Richard are doing back there but this one just grossed him out.
Howard listened to the rest of the song but he didn't really want to. He said that Sal wanted Robin to piss in his mouth in this song. He said he'd never even come up with that on his own.
Howard said he was taping the new History of Howard Stern over the weekend. He said they came up on that Sal and Richard time and he was very complimentary for the two of them but Sal really is consumed with that piss stuff. He said it's really gross. Howard said that Sal is thinking of that as ''twat juice'' in that song. Howard said that's not what it is. He said he's now fascinated by the song.
Howard played a new song parody about Robin that they got from Psych. Howard said this song was really original. Howard said that's really original. Fred said a lot of people can relate to that one and maybe not so much with Sal's song.
Howard kept playing bits of Sal's song and just said ''wow'' to that. He said maybe Robin should just piss on him and get it over with.
Sal came in and said that there are probably people out there that like the song. He said they're just silent about it. Howard said he's nauseated by it but he'll let the audience vote on it to find out if they want to hear it. Howard said it was the right thing for Sal to give him the song to hear. He said he's an ill man though.
Gary said he was startled by the shirt. Sal asked how he could be startled with that shirt when he's got that face. Gary goofed on Sal about not knowing anything and asked what temperature water freezes at. Sal said it was 100 degrees and then said it was 32 Celsius and then 32 Fahrenheit.
Howard said he asked Gary if he was the fashion police or something. He said he didn't say anything to him at the time. He said he actually put a lot of effort into the shirt. He said he was thinking about throwing it out. He said he spent like a half hour deciding if he should wear it or not. He said he wasn't sure what it was saying. Then he wore it and Gary gave him this look. He had everyone laughing as he showed the look Gary gave.
Howard said he could just watch Gary all day long and comment on him. He said they could do that all day long and he'd never get tired. That led to Howard talking about how they can't have a camera on him all day because he fell asleep. Gary ended up deflecting away from that and goofed on Sal again. He asked what temperature water boils at and Sal just goofed on him for falling asleep.
Howard said it was mind blowing to him about how little Sal knows. He said he doesn't know a lot himself but Sal was on the Wrap Up Show and they were asking him various questions and he was shocked when Sal didn't know this one. He was asked who succeeded JFK when he was assassinated. The guys had to help him figure it out. Howard played the clip and Sal thought it was Roosevelt. Then he thought it was Eisenhower. Gary and Jon tried to help him figure it out with clues but Sal wasn't able to come up with it until they gave him tons of clues.
Howard said Sal eventually got it. It took him 50 tries but he got it. Howard said it is weird that he doesn't know that stuff. Howard said Sal answers quickly to sound like he's smart but he doesn't think. He said it's crazy. He's trying to show that he knows some presidents but he doesn't know the right one.
Howard said Sal was talking about the potato famine and he was saying ''Ireland'' in an odd way. He played that clip next. In the clip Sal was talking about how he came up with the ''Idaho'' answer during his test last week. Sal then said ''Ireland'' as ''Ira-Land'' which made the guys crack up. Howard said that's like saying that's where Ira lives. He said that name is kind of weird. He wondered how anyone came up with that name for a kid. Robin said it should go away. Howard got a couple of famous Ira's but there weren't many. Howard said no one has a shot at success with a name like that. He said he knew an Ira growing up and he didn't like the guy.
Howard got to more of Sal's Wrap Up Show stuff. He said something about being ''sectored'' out when he was talking to the guys about what he doesn't know about. Sal said that multiple times. He said the rest of the guys were snickering at him for saying that word and using it in that way. Jon used it in a sentence too.
The guys tried to figure out what Sal was talking about. Howard figured he was trying to say he was singled out. Robin didn't think that was it. Fred didn't either. Robin said she thinks that he's being sectioned off and he's been put into the ''stupid'' section. Robin said she thinks that he's being sectioned off. Howard said they could spend the rest of their lives trying to figure this out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal must have gone to the same school as Sarah Palin. She makes up words just like Sal. Howard said he didn't have a great education himself but he picks up on stuff that's just in the fabric of society. He said that it's almost like Sal didn't grow up in this country. He said it's like he grew up in Italy and doesn't know all of this stuff. He said ''Roosevelt'' is a pretty nutty answer.
Howard said that Sal does come up with some wacky stuff like this Urine Flow song. He said it's now his favorite song. The caller said they should just play that once and stop.
Howard said he has some things planned for the next 5 months there. He said that's how much longer they have there. He said he was hanging out with Tim talking about some of the stuff he'd like to do over the next 5 months. He said he told Gary about some stuff too.
Howard said Gary chimed in on one idea he had but Gary said he wasn't sure if he liked it like he was asking for his opinion. Gary said he actually doesn't like the idea. Howard said he likes the idea and doesn't care if Gary does. He said he's going to do it anyway. He said he knows what his audience likes. That led to them playing some Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the final 5 months there and if Howard is thinking about what he wants to do. He said he knows Howard doesn't like to go out and socialize much so he could end up going home and staying home. He said the show is like therapy for him. He was wondering if he'd regret retiring. Howard said he could risk losing out on Fred and Robin. He said that's the only thing holding him back from leaving. He has a great team there. Howard said he was thinking about that this weekend. He said he was explaining about how he'd like to have had a budget for the TV show so he could have done more stuff and hired more people.
Howard said if it was just him doing it himself, he would not re-sign and he'd take a year off and see what he wanted to do. Howard said he would like to do that but he can't leave everyone else hanging. Howard said the idea there is to figure out how to keep the team together and keep the show going and have a lifestyle that makes sense. Howard said he wanted to hang himself getting up so early this morning.
The caller asked when we're going to know what the decision is. Howard said he doesn't even have an offer right now. Howard said he has to evaluate all of his options. The caller said that he'll make an offer to come there to Cleveland. Howard said he likes Cleveland. He said he'd like to go away for a while and just show up on a station there. He said he'd love to start out all over again.
The caller said that Howard could be the next Lebron James for Cleveland. Howard said he likes it out there and he'd be perfectly happy living there. Howard said they have plenty to do out there. He said he just sits in his apartment now so going out there wouldn't be much different. He said people think it's shitty out there but it's really nice.
Howard said he hates it all there in the city. He said that it's really all the same shit over and over again. Howard said he's probably injured from his inactivity. Howard said they say that people who exercise and then sit all day have it worse than people who just sit. Howard said that you have to stay active all the time if you're going to be active. Howard said people like him have heart attacks all the time.
Howard said he just sits there all morning long and he can't get up and move. He said maybe that's why he has to leave radio. He said he has to get out of that chair. Robin said that Scott Greenstein has a standing desk and doesn't sit down in his office. Howard said the guy is in good shape. He said that's pretty funny though. Howard told Gary to have all of the chairs removed in the studio so they're all standing.
Howard was going to let the caller go but ended up talking about how he could live like a king out in Cleveland. He said he could have 3000 acres and a moat with alligators in it around his house. He said he could call it Howieland. Howard said he never takes advantage of what's there in New York City. He said they may not have the great restaurants out there but he could live there no problem.
Howard said he got an offer to go see Al Pacino doing Shakespeare in the park and he told Mark Cronin that he'd rather have High Pitch Eric shit on his face than go see that. Howard said he's not sure why Pacino is doing that crap. He said he's looking weird with the fake teeth and a face lift. He said that's what he thinks is going on there. He said you never look right after a face lift. He said he knows a guy who had one and it just doesn't look right. He said you really shouldn't do that.
Howard said there are a lot of people who go out and get work done because they're on TV. He said that's why he had his nose done. He thought he was the ugliest guy around. He said that his lower teeth looked like a Rubik's cube too so he had to get them fixed too. Howard said that even Jews were laughing at his nose. Howard said they were shocked by it. Howard said they even said that he was ''so Jewy.'' Howard said he couldn't stand the way he looked so he had to do the nose job.
Howard said that guys are getting brow lifts and things. He said he has to write down the name of the guy that he thinks had the brow lift. He said that Robin may not have picked up on it though. He said that he actually knows two guys. He joked that one was Fred. Fred said that he had a brow lowering. Howard said they call Fred the Silver Fox with that grey hair he has. Fred said that he asks if he should dye it and everyone tells him not to. Howard said he looks good and he's glad he didn't dye it. Howard said his hair hasn't turned all grey. He said he has some grey but not much.
Howard said some people go too far with the hair dye. Fred said he'd probably look like Raggedy Andy if he dyed his hair.
Howard said he watched TV with his dog and cat. He said that keeps you busy. Howard said he had to just feed the cat but he had to take the dog out for walks and stuff. He said that he was like Dr. Doolittle. Howard said the dog loves watching TV so she stayed busy doing that. He said the dog runs around wild when he says that he's going to watch TV.
Howard said Bianca will react to TV and bark at it at times. He said it's crazy. She loves anything with an animal in it. He said that she's upset hat Simon is leaving.
Howard said he saw that movie ''The Book of Eli'' and he kind of liked it. Robin said it was awful. She said it was hard to stay awake watching it. She said the ending was really bad. Howard agreed with that. He said you want more action than it had. Robin said the movie was ridiculous.
Howard said he watched a movie called ''Dear John'' that was really bad. He explained the movie as he remembered it and said it was just a bad movie. He said he was looking for a love movie but this one was just bad. He said he likes to watch love movies like that with Beth when they're good.
Robin said that she saw the movie Cyrus and it had Marissa Tomei in it. Jonah Hill was in the movie too. Gary said that he's heard about the move and they say that Jonah is like Benjy. He goes into those weird comas like Benjy does. Robin said he does. He even has night terrors like Benjy. Benjy said that his friend saw Jonah Hill in a movie and thought they stole his life. He knows they didn't actually do that but it was very similar.
Howard took a call from another guy and ended up talking about how he hasn't been masturbating lately. He said that he used to do that just a few years ago but now he doesn't do it when Beth goes away. Howard said he thought about doing it but didn't bother. Howard said he watched True Blood last night and thought it was a good episode.
The caller asked about Angelina Jolie's new movie ''Salt'' which didn't do too well at the box office. Howard said he heard it was good but it didn't do so well. Robin said it was a good movie. She said she saw it and it was a little bit of a silly story but it was good. The caller said it was kind of weird the way she was beating up these huge guys and stuff. Howard said he'd rather see her in that than some other movie where she's locked up in a mental institution or something.
Steve came in and said that he was very shaky around her. Howard said that she must be about his age. Steve said she's like a year older. He said she's gorgeous in real life too. He said he had a difficult time talking to her. Howard asked how her titties were. He said she was covered up. He said she had shorts on but she was pretty covered up.
Howard got a note saying that Steve had twittered that he made her laugh. Steve said he listened back to the tape and realized that he didn't actually make her laugh. That was all in his head. Steve said he sat down with the guy who will be playing Thor in the movie that's coming out. He said he asked him some questions about the character and if he could beat Captain America but he didn't really answer.
Howard said that he watched this movie ''Super Hero'' on TV and thought it was actually pretty good. He explained what that was about and how he was laughing at it.
Steve said that he was asking Natalie Portman about the guys who hit on her and things like that. She said that someone proposed to her so he told her that he had one less question then. Steve said that she's gorgeous and maybe the best looking person he's ever seen in his life. Howard said that he has the feeling that she's not good in bed. Steve said he wouldn't care. Howard said he bets that Retarded people are the best in bed. He said he's read that they go berserk in bed.
Howard asked what Natalie has been in other than Star Wars. Steve said he asked if she stole anything from the movies when she did that. She said she couldn't answer that one. They talked about her being in V for Vendetta. Howard didn't remember that one. Steve wanted to thank some people who helped him get set up out there. Howard told him to get out. He said he doesn't have to thank them. Steve said he really does feel he has to because they were treating him so well.
Howard said that Steve just interviewed some people. Steve said he got to hang out with Stacy Keibler. He said it was like 2 in the morning so he didn't know what to ask her. He said he used Howard's name to get her number.
Gary said that Steve found another Darth Maul to interview. He had the audio to play of that interview. Howard played the clip and the guy in the Darth Maul outfit was wearing a mask that made it very hard to understand him. Steve said that guy didn't talk much. He said that most of the guys would just walk away from him when they caught on to what he was doing.
Howard asked who sent Steve out to Comic-Con. Gary said that Steve wanted to go for Geektime so they asked him to get some stuff for them too.
Howard played the audio of Steve's interviews with a Freddy Kruger and the Darth Maul guy. They didn't have a lot to say and they were muffled through their masks.
Steve said the girls out there were hot too. He said even the geek girls are hot. Howard thanked him for doing the interviews. He told Steve he shouldn't have let Darth Maul get away without an extensive interview. He said that guy was great with the muffled mask. He said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and said they have a story about Little Mikey turning his attention to Rosie O'Donnell. He's done a song for her and she played it on her show. Howard said they called and asked for it so they sent it to them. Howard said that Mikey is good at the song parodies. Howard asked Robin if she's jealous. Robin said she loves it and she's glad that Rosie got it. Howard said Rosie likes the song from what he heard. Howard was going to play it but he didn't have it.
Lisa said that Lisa Lampanelli has accepted an olive branch that Sandra Bernhard sent out to her. She said that Lisa has also signed a pre-nup with Jimmy Big Balls. She says that if he lasts more than a year he gets the dough.
Lisa said they spoke to rapper Jay Dirty whose song was played there last week. She said they spoke to him about his songs and how excited he was about Howard playing his song.
Lisa said they have a special Baba Booey 20th anniversary show on tonight at 7 pm and Greg Fitzsimmons is on at midnight with guest Margaret Cho. Howard said he's good with Margaret.
Howard said that it was 20 years ago today that Gary first uttered ''Baba Booey'' on the show. Howard said it was so crazy to him that a guy buying cartoon cells that he didn't know it was Baba Louie. Fred played that original ''Baba Booey'' clip and goofed on Gary for a few minutes.
Howard said it was 20 years ago that Gary got his new name and that day he thought that they'd forget about that name that day. It's been with him for 20. Howard said they're going to have a bunch of the Baba Booey song parodies on that special tonight. They also have a Gary special on Howard TV tonight as well.
Howard asked Sal what he had planned for that special. While he waited for Sal Howard said they're going to be doing the IQ test results show on Thursday. Sal came in and said that he's hosting the special but they won't be taking phone calls. They'll have song parodies and other Baba Booey stuff. He said they have like 200 songs in the database and they only fit in about 40 into the 1 hour special. He said that they all spent the day going through and picking out the best ones to play.
Howard asked Sal what his favorite song was. Sal said he has so many. He said one of his favorites is ''Baker Street Booey'' by Richard Christy. Howard played that one as they were talking about it. Sal said that's the greatest. Sal said that the energy and the passion in that song are just great. He said it's like the encore song in a concert.
Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of a Billy Joel song. That was another great one that went on for a few minutes. Robin said it was an epic. Howard laughed as it went on and on.
Howard played another song that Sal wasn't sure made it into the special. Howard said that was a great one too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loved the Alexa Ray Joel interview last week. She also asked Fred to play the ''Kimberly'' song from Joe Piscopo during a break.
Fred wanted to know if they were going to play the Booey Maguire song. Sal said that was on the fence because they didn't mention Baba Booey in the song. He said that everything in the special is Baba Booey related. Sal said they could do a whole other special just based on that tape. He said they could do an anniversary show for that.
Howard played the Booey Maguire song parody and laughed at Gary some more. Howard said everyone will be listening at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard let Sal go and explained how he got started goofing on Gary many years ago. Howard said this guy hung in there and did it for the love of radio. He said he would stand outside and do bits and stuff. Howard said he would get in his face and he couldn't ignore him. He said he was funny and he hung in there and now look at him. He sits in a room making phony phone calls all day.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard would be upset if Beth was going out and hanging out with men friends all the time. Howard said he'd be upset about that just like Beth would be upset if he was hanging out with chicks. He said he can only do that so much before it gets weird.
The caller said his wife has a male friend that she hangs out with. He said that they're pretty close but she says there's nothing going on. Howard told the guy to get a female friend and show her what it's like. Howard said that's how you handle it. Howard said that's how he would do it. He said he knows who he'd get as a friend too.
Howard asked how many nights a week this woman is going out with the guy. The caller said that it's just a phone thing. He said he's not even sure they see each other. He said that the guy is a friend of the family and they've been close for many years. He said they hung out when they were separated for a while but he's pretty sure nothing happened. Howard said he'd be jealous too.
Howard let the caller go and said that the whole relationship thing has changed. People email and go through Facebook. He said that people try to be cool about it but he knows what's going on. He said Beth would put a stop to it if he was doing that crap with other women. He said he's too busy with Beth to do that.
Howard said he can imagine how things go and how a cock ends up in the mouth pretty quick. He said that Beth is the same way as he is. Howard said she'd be okay with it at first but she'd get upset pretty quick.
Howard went over that story for a minute and said that they made a mistake. He said that the woman says she's traumatized from it though and he thinks that she should get over it. Robin said Howard can't get over anything and he sits there whining about everything every day. Howard said he gets over everything.
Howard explained how he got over his Vietnam combat time. He never actually served but he likes to tell stories like he did. Howard asked the caller if he served. The caller said he served in World War II. Howard talked about how he had to work up his hatred for the gooks back then. He said he kept their ears and one year he came back with 136 ears. He said they were mostly underage children. He said he wasn't as tough as the other guys so that's why he had to kill the kids. He said he once had gook earrings and necklaces. He said someone told him he should put on a dress with all of that jewelry on.
Howard said he once killed a cat and wore the cat's ear on his necklace. He said that he decided to invent his own thing one time. He said he cut out some intestines and made a neck tie out of it. Howard said they made fun of him for a month after that. He said every time he'd tie that intestine tie, shit would come out of it.
Howard said Robin was in the military too but he was a total barbarian. He said they laughed at him for making a tie tack out of an eyeball. The caller was laughing his ass off at all of this stuff.
Howard said that the case of this woman being fired isn't trauma. He said that anyone who was in combat knows what real trauma is.
Howard told some more stories about the time he (didn't) served over in Nam. He said that there were some guys who he served with who went back for vacation over there. He said he went over there and had a flashback. He said that he had Malaria and he ended up killing a waiter in a restaurant. Howard said that no one said a word about that. He said he just went berserk having flashbacks. He said that the Malaria can make you nuts. He said he was found innocent of all charges on that. Howard said he never talked about this on the air before. Robin said she didn't remember any of this. Howard said he kept it quiet. He said they were so freaked out they even comped his meal to him that night. Howard said he didn't even leave a tip. He said they told him no tip was required. Howard said he didn't want to talk about it anymore.
Howard said they asked Lupe a question and the caller has to guess if she will get it right. The first question was a question about Tiger Woods. Lupe knew who Sal was talking about in the question so she got it right and the caller guessed right too.
The second question was ''Pork comes from what animal?'' The caller, Spencer, said she would know. He was right. Lupe knew it was from a piggy.
The next question was ''What does a pilot do?'' Spencer said that Lupe would know it and he was wrong. Lupe said that he plays basketball all day.
The next question was ''How many rectums do you have?'' Spencer said that she does know porn so she might know. He said he was going to say no though. Howard said he'd guess no as well. Lupe's answer was missing. Gary said he checked the tape and swore that it was there. It actually was. Her answer was ''two.'' The caller was right so he won the $711 from 7-Eleven. Howard had the caller hold the line so they could give him his prize.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Howard moved on to talk about Steve Brandano going out to Comic-Con and how Gary got upset when he found out that Ralph was sending him out there for Geektime and not for them. Howard said that they give Ralph some power and he goes nuts. He said they may have to talk to him about this. Howard said that Tim basically told Steve to go out and get what he could but not feel any pressure. He said that he wasn't getting paid.
Howard said Ralph heard that Ralph was yelling at Steve about not getting enough stuff out there. He said you have to hear this. Howard played the audio of Ralph yelling at Steve in a voice mail. He called Steve a ''fuckin' retard'' and asked if he had any information about Harrison Ford being out there. He asked if he was getting drunk like a dumb Irishman. He said he didn't have any good pictures because they were all blurry. Ralph told him to have fun in a really sarcastic way.
Howard said he likes that Ralph cares about this so much but he didn't have to go off on him like that. He said he didn't foot the bill for him to go out there or anything. Howard said this is the guy who he hates to have come with him to events because he forgets stuff. Howard said he was going to address the NAB one time and Ralph came out with him but wasn't there to dress him like he was supposed to because he slept through it.
Howard said he likes to see that Ralph is stressed out about something but then he's not happy that he's calling Steve a ''fucking retard.'' Howard said Ralph is like the editor of a newspaper and he's like the head anchorman on that show.
Howard said Steve did get a couple of good interviews. He played one clip where a guy was talking about his costume which was from a Disney movie called ''The Princess and the Frog.'' Howard didn't even know what movie that was. He said that can't be a cool character. Steve asked him what super power he would want if he could have one. The guy said he would like to have the sensibilities of a wolf. Howard said that's pretty wild. Howard said he could listen to this guy for at least 2 hours.
Steve asked the guy what super hero he would get to fix the BP oil spill. He said it would probably be Superman. Howard agreed with that.
Howard said that Superman could spin the world backwards to fix that. He could also do the tunnel of wind thing and fix it all up.
Steve asked the guy if he would rather have sex with a woman or meet Superman. The guy said he'd rather meet Superman. Steve asked him a couple of other questions before letting the guy go.
Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to come up with some answers of his own about what character he'd take anal from if he had to.
Howard played another clip of Steve interviewing a guy who was dressed up as a Monster Hunter from the game series. Howard said that it sounds like this guy was embarrassed when he didn't know who he was dressed as. Howard said he'd love to see a video of what these guys go through when they're getting prepared for this event.
Howard started the clip over and the Monster Hunter guy said he was from Mexico. He was asked what super power he would like. The guy said that he would like to have the power of telekinesis. Steve asked why there are no Mexican super heroes. The guy didn't know. Steve asked if he had ever gotten laid or if he had ever farted in his hand and smelled it. The guy seemed confused by all of that. Howard said if he was that guy's parents, he'd throw that game right out the window.
Howard had another interview with a guy who was dressed as an Umbrella Corporation researcher guy. Just some random guy. Howard had no idea who he was. He had to replay it to figure it out. Howard said it must be from some comic book or something. He said that you'd think he would dress up from something people know. It turns out it's from the Resident Evil games and movie. Robin said that's the one that Mila Jovovich is in. Howard said he didn't know that series.
Steve Brandano came in to tell a story about something that happened out there. Steve said that a guy stabbed another guy out there during the Resident Evil panel they had. He said that he wasn't sure what the guy used to stab the other guy. Gary said he heard it was a pen. Howard was wondering why no super heroes stepped in to help. Steve laughed and said there were a bunch there too.
Howard wondered how he missed the Resident Evil movies. Steve said he must have seen them. He said there are like 3. Howard told Steve he's doing a good job with this too. Even though Ralph left him that message. Howard said that he's doing good.
Howard played more of Steve's interview with the Umbrella Corp. guy. Steve asked about him getting beaten up by bullies and stuff like that. Steve asked about what super power he would want. The guy mentioned being like Magneto. Howard said this guy is in a costume as an Umbrella Corporation guy. He did an impression of the guy talking behind that mask. He wondered why he would dress as a character like that. He said that's a mind he can't even comprehend. Howard said he would have to dress up as someone that people are going to know. He said he'd rather be Wonder Woman. Steve said the guy had a gas mask on. He said that's why he interviewed him.
Robin said she read about the guy who did the stabbing out there and he was wearing a Harry Potter T-shirt. He wasn't even in a costume.
Howard did his impression of the masked guy and played some more of his interview. Steve only had one question left for that guy before letting him go. Steve told him to go enjoy ''the con.''
Howard played another interview that Steve did with a guy in a wheelchair. He was dressed up like Yoda but he had the mask on top of his head. Steve asked him what power he would like. He said he'd like to fly. The guy said he would rather meet Superman than have sex with a model. He told Steve he wasn't going to tell him if he had ever gotten laid. He picked Aquaman to fix the BP oil leak.
Howard said that was an interesting Comic-Con. He did more of his impressions of the guys who wore masks while talking to Steve. Howard asked Steve about some of the stuff going on out there like where people ate and things like that. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said Stacy is a beautiful girl but it seems very desperate to be in that career. JD corrected Gary on the wrestling thing. He said that they do wrestle. Howard said anyone in that universe freaks him out. He said that he'd never go out with a carnival freak and wrestling is like one step up from that.
Wheels was complaining about Robin's tweets so that led to Robin defending herself. Robin said she was talking about how Angelina couldn't beat up anyone because she's so small. Howard said it's just a movie though. Howard said he's getting annoyed with Robin's tweets and he doesn't even follow them. Robin was also complaining about the Harry Potter movie being in 3D. Robin said there is no reason for it to be in 3D. Wheels said he thinks that Robin is going to be a movie critic when they're done there.
Howard said Robin seems to like sharing her thoughts with people. Robin said that she's more into tweeting than she is with the Facebook thing. Howard asked how many are following her. She said it's in the 20,000 range. Howard said if she gets up to a million she can start advertising. He said that Ashton Kutcher has like 3 million now.
Howard read some of Robin's tweets about the movie ''Salt'' and goofed on them. Howard said that it's just a movie. She was complaining about how Angelina couldn't beat anyone's ass. She had a few posts about Angelina. Howard said she seems consumed with the whole movie. Robin also tweeted that they would be back live this morning. Howard said he saw that Robin was following Jim Florentine on Twitter. Robin said of course she does.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard how great his interview was with Sandra Bernhard. She was also telling Robin she follows her Tweets. Howard asked if Robin has ever backed off of tweeting something. Robin said she has. She said that she didn't remember what they were exactly. She said that some of her best thoughts never get written down.
Howard came up with some stuff that Robin could tweet about. He was making up stuff that might go through her mind.
Howard asked Fred what the name of Robin's theme song was. Fred said it was as production CD that they had and they didn't even have an artist. Howard said it was ''so Robin.'' He said that it showed the power that Robin has and it's very important. He said she can hold her head up high with that song.
Howard made some speeches as Robin while Fred played her theme music in the background. Howard said that's who Robin is. that song is really her. He said there is no more perfect theme music for anyone. Howard said even Oprah Winfrey's music doesn't say anything about her. He said that The Tonight Show doesn't fit Jay Leno. He said Letterman's theme kind of fits him though.
Jon said that CGI has come such a long way that they can show what Iron Man can really do. He said that he's not sure if they're going to do a third. He said he's working on ''Cowboy's and Aliens'' right now. He said that he was about to go on stage when the stabbing happened out at Comic-Con. He said that they walk around that place with broad swords so you never know what's really going on. He said they were fighting over a seat because Harrison Ford was there. Jon said that Harrison is working on Cowboys & Aliens and he dragged him out there.
Jon told Howard about this ''Cowboys & Aliens'' movie and what that's about. He said he's got a bunch of great people starring in this one. He said that they have cowboys and Indians going up against aliens. Howard said he loves that idea. He asked how advanced the aliens are. He said they're up there with Predator.
Howard asked how they fight the aliens. Jon said that Daniel Craig's character was captured by the aliens and he has a wrist blaster that he uses and he leads the others into battle against the aliens. He said the invasion is a smaller force and not a massive one.
Howard asked what the aliens want from us. Jon said he reads about the ''real'' experience and it seems that all they want to do is stick stuff up people's asses. He said if he flew that far he'd want a lot more than that.
Jon said that they want to take people and our resources away in the movie. Howard said that sounds like it makes more sense. Howard asked what it is about our ass that the aliens like so much. Jon said he's really not sure. Howard said it's so barbaric. Jon said that he's not sure why they tuck people back into bed either.
Howard said this movie sounds interesting. Jon said it's also a western. He said he's not going to do it in 3D either. Jon said it will be in 2D. Jon said that they almost mandate that you have to go 3D with movies these days. Howard said he hopes that he doesn't make it into 3D. He said he is so done with 3D. He said he got a kick out if it with Avatar but he doesn't want to see anything else in 3D.
Jon said that this is the only big movie coming out next summer that will be in 2D. He said that everything else is in 3D. Howard asked what the studio said about that. Jon said they were all for it. He said that Universal offered the money to do the 3D thing and he didn't want to do it. Jon said that they didn't shoot in video either so they can't convert it. He said that he's basically saying that he's ready to give up the big box office to make a classic Western kind of movie. He said that Steven Spielberg even suggested that they not do it in 3D.
Jon said that he's very lucky to be able to be doing this movie. He said that Howard was behind the first Iron Man so he had to thank him for that because they were the first ones to get behind that.
Howard asked Jon about the Mel Gibson tapes. Jon said the guy is really talented and he thinks that time will heal that whole thing. Howard said that he has to be honest and say that the studios would never let him touch the guy. He said that he's hated by everyone.
Howard asked how the whole Harrison Ford thing went. Jon said they gave him a 5 minute standing ovation when he came out. Gary came in and interrupted saying that they had a new Mel Gibson tape coming in about 3 minutes.
Gary asked Jon if he has ever been that angry that he'd say anything like what Mel said. Jon said he hasn't but the guy has owned up to having alcohol problems and stuff. Jon said he's not out to judge anyone. Howard said that Mel Gibson may be able to get work because he seems to be beloved out there. Jon said that he is extremely talented and he can make movies that draw people in.
Howard said Tracy Morgan was talking about how he'd work with him in a second because he can get him cheap now. Jon told Howard that he's going to keep him updated about this Cowboys & Aliens movie as it goes along. He said that he's not sure about Iron Man 3 but it is slated after The Avengers. He said he has to wait to see what happens with that movie first. He said he hopes to be able to do more of them later.
Howard said he knows certain guys who get DVDs of all of these movies ahead of their release but he can't get copies. Jon said that he will get him a copy of Cowboys & Aliens. He said he just can't share it with the cast. Howard said he never does. He said it would be just for him. Howard said he'll shred it when he's done with it. Jon said he'll send over the teaser they did at Comic-Con. Howard told him to get right on that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and mentioned the 20th Anniversary Baba Booey special they have on Howard 101 at 7pm tonight. Sal is the host of that show.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about the producers of ''Fringe'' getting Eric the Midget up to Vancouver to get him up to the shoot. They are going to drive him and his roommate up there to get him to the set.
Howard had Eric on the phone and asked if he helped out for a lot of money. Eric said he did. Howard asked when he's going to be shooting. Eric said that it'll be Thursday and Friday of this week. They're driving him up there. Howard said ''wow'' to all of that. He asked about how long the trip is. Eric said that the trip is about 15 hours. Eric told him that it's pretty pathetic that he doesn't listen to Steve when he's telling the story.
Howard asked Eric how many lines he has. Eric said it's like 5. Howard asked how many scenes he's in. Eric said it's two scenes. Howard asked what his lines are. Eric said that the person in the scene hands him $5 and he tells the guy ''Are you kidding me... I'm sure you have more...'' Howard said this is very fitting for him to be complaining about not getting enough.
Howard heard that Johnny Fratto was saying that it was a nightmare dealing with Eric during the negotiations. Steve said he heard Eric and the roommate yelling at Johnny. Howard said he has to hear those.
Howard asked Eric what he was yelling at Johnny about. Eric said that they were going to tape in August but then they moved it to this week. He said he was upset about that. Howard said that they're sitting around doing nothing and looking for something to do. You'd think that he'd drop everything, which is basically nothing, and stop being a pain in the ass.
Eric said that it's the medical issue. He said that's why they have to drive. He can't fly because he wasn't given enough time. Howard said that an actor has to be ready to pick up and go work.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to throw in some ad-libs or stick to the script. Eric said he'll stick to what they wrote. Howard asked if he'll try to inject his own stuff in there. Eric said he's not sure they want him to say what he's doing in the show. He didn't want to give away all of his lines.
Howard asked if his character could come back for future episodes. Eric said he's playing a homeless guy so he's not sure.
JD came in and said that Johnny sent in some of the voice mails. He had them ready to play. Eric asked them to please call him Eric the Actor. JD apologized. Fred kept playing the edited together clips that they had created of Eric calling himself names. Eric told him to stop it.
Howard played a clip of Johnny talking to Eric about what an opportunity this was and how it's real acting. He said that Howard probably had something to do with it and went out of his way to make it happen. Johnny told him he has enough time to get set up too. Eric was arguing with Johnny about how much time he had.
Steve said the funniest stuff was the roommate yelling at Johnny. Howard said he didn't know him and didn't play those clips.
Howard said he wants someone to go up and report on this. Steve said that if Eric wanted them up there he'd ask. Howard said someone needs to be there from the beginning. Howard said that they have to fly in at least 50-60 people.
Gary told Howard he had the roommate yelling at Johnny. Howard said he'd like to ask the roommate first. Howard told Eric to wheel over and wake him up. Eric said he didn't want to. Gary said that Eric is never willing to do anything for Howard. Eric told him to shut up. Howard said Gary has a good point. Eric said he's hooked up to his oxygen so he can't. Howard asked if he can unhook for a minute and go over to him to wake him up.
Howard said that if it was an emergency, how would he get in touch with the guy? Eric said that just doesn't feel like doing it. Gary asked Eric what he would do if he had to take a shit right now. Eric said he would take himself. Gary asked what he needs the roommate for then. Howard said he's there for emergencies. Eric said he would just go into his room or something if he had an emergency. Robin said there must be some other way of alerting him.
Howard said he didn't know Eric was on oxygen. Eric said it's just when he's sleeping. He said he would have to hook himself back up after this. Gary asked Eric how often Howard asks him to do a favor. Eric said he's sure he doesn't want to be woken up. Robin said it sounds like Eric is afraid of him. Eric said he's really not.
Eric eventually agreed to do it. He had to climb into his chair so it sounded like he fell. Eric said he just had to crawl. He was on his way into his roommate's room to ask if it was okay to play the arguments on the air. The roommate said no. Howard asked why. Eric asked why and the roommate said because he said so. Eric told Howard to get off of it already. Then he hung up.
Howard said the guy is so ungrateful. Howard said Steve has to cover what goes on at the set. JD said that the roommate is the real pain in the ass. He said that he talks about the shooting date and how it's a conspiracy to keep him from working. He said that they're a couple of nut cases over there.
Howard said he had a whole thing set up for Eric the Midget but he's going to back off of that based on the way he was just treated. He said he's off the Eric the Midget bandwagon now. He said he was going to try and get him to break into motion pictures but now he's done. He said he was going to ask Jon Favreau to do him a favor but not now.
Steve said that they have a story about the Empire State Building turning down an offer to turn the Empire State Building green in honor of Gary's Baba Booey 20th anniversary. Gary said that the request was put in on Friday. Howard said that was good planning there.
Steve said they have a story about an ice cream shop that had a fist logo similar to Howard's fist logo. They asked if it was based on his and they asked if Howard Stern's show was the Black Power of satellite radio.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was at the Kings of Leon concert over the weekend and they walked off stage after 3 songs. Howard said he read about that and heard that there was pigeon shit in the venue so they walked off after getting shit on. Howard said he's all for ''the show must go on'' but these guys were afraid that the pigeon shit was going to get them sick. Howard said he would freak out too but he probably would have let the show go on.
Robin said they claim that it was ''raining shit'' there. The caller said he saw the bassist get hit once. He said they didn't see that much. He said that it wasn't that bad. He said he never saw the lead singer get hit.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He quickly ran down the list of subjects they had for today's show.
Howard said Mel really needs to release a tape of himself being nice to a woman on the phone. He made up a conversation he could have with Mother Theresa.
Howard played more of Mel yelling at Oksana. Mel was saying that it was time to let the games begin. He said he was sorry he ever hooked up with her. He said he hopes she doesn't sleep and she just wastes. He said that she ruined him and she's an ingrate. Mel said that this wasn't the nicotine, this was the truth. He called her a ''using bitch'' and hung up.
Howard said that was a good one. He said it shows him from going to 0-60 within seconds. Howard said he calls her a cunt within just a few seconds. He said Oksana was good keeping her mouth shut and just letting the tape go. Howard said he thinks the guy is ruined and untouchable now.
Howard said he saw Mel's last movie but he saw it at home. He didn't go out to see it. Robin said that's what she did too. She said that Woody Allen is still working after what he did. She thinks that Mel will work again too. Howard said they should do a road trip-buddy movie with Mel, Woody and Roman Polanski.
Robin read a story about Brian McKnight being released of child support money because it was found he wasn't the father of a child that a woman claimed was his.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about lice again and how they're not attracted to black people's hair. Howard wondered how much of a mixed race someone would have to be before the lice would get in there. Robin said that she thinks that it's the tight coil. Howard said that they should have a game where they dump head lice on mixed race people to see if they stick.
Robin had some news about Linda McMahon and played some audio of her talking. They talked about her for a few minutes after that.
Robin read some news about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie coming out and saying that the TV show Jersey Shore is making them look bad.
Howard said he doesn't think about New Jersey as the Jersey Shore, he thinks about it as The Sopranos. Howard said that you can't base your opinion on a whole state based on one TV show. Howard said he's never even seen that TV show. He's seen that guy ''The Situation'' showing off his abs all the time but that's about it. He said he might have to check it out but he really doesn't care.
Robin said that they're saying that Tony Haward may be resigning from BP soon. She had some news about that and some audio about what's going on with the oil leak.
Robin read some news about the war in Afghanistan and how they say that the Pakistanis are cooperating with them over there and not helping fight the war. Robin said they deny that they're not helping.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the reason that lice don't like black hair is because of the way they treat their hair. Howard said that he heard that it was the shape of the hair. The caller said it was because the nits can't stick to it. Howard said he needs an expert to call in and tell him. The caller said that if they don't put oil in their hair they can get lice. Robin said that they don't have naturally oily hair so they have to put stuff in it. Howard said this was getting very weird. He said that he might have to put oil in his hair. Robin said she doesn't think that's the answer. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read some more about head lice. She found some more information about the black hair thing and it had nothing to do with the oil. Robin said it was the shape of the hair that makes it hard for the lice to latch on. Howard said he knew that's what it was.
Robin read a story about some Mexican inmates that were released even though they were involved in some murders. They were allowed out to settle some disputes they had and they killed some innocent people on their way back to their cells. Howard said he's done going down there. He said that they have no law anymore. He said he just wants to be able to relax and that's not going to happen down there.
Howard said he read that Craig Kilborn is coming back to TV. Robin said that he's already back on. Howard said he liked his show when it was on. Robin said she did too but then he left for no reason. Howard said he wanted to be a writer. Robin said he's looking old now. She said he never should have went away.
Robin read a story about the Rod Blagojevich case and how that's going to be starting soon. She had some details about that.
Robin read some news about the FOX News coverage of the firing of Shirley Sherrod being called racist. She had some audio clips of a few people talking about that.
Robin read about PETA's new ad campaign promoting being vegan. She said they're buying ad space on police cruisers in Pennsylvania. Robin had some audio of some PETA person talking about how this promotion is working.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan being in jail and how she broke down in tears after a couple of days being in there. Howard said he's almost feeling bad for her. He said that she's completely unhinged and needs serious medical intervention. Robin read about how she broke down crying and ended up being put in isolation. Robin said that she was found with some scratches on her arm and they sent her to the medical office for that. Robin said they think that she'll be released early and possibly in a few days.
Robin read a story about the FDIC closing down some insolvent banks. She also had a story about the Tour de France and who won that. She read some details about that. She said that Lance Armstrong came in 23rd place.
Robin read about Angelina Jolie's new movie ''Salt'' and had some audio of her talking about what drew her to do it.
Robin had some audio of Kelly Pickler talking about her career. Robin had some audio of Paul Rudd talking about ''Dinner for Schmucks.'' That led to Howard saying that they're being sponsored by that movie for the IQ test. They'll have the results of that on Thursday.
Robin read about this movie ''Charlie St. Cloud'' and had some audio Kim Bassinger talking about that. Howard let that clip play but cut it off after a few seconds. Howard wondered how she's looking these days. He said he saw her on a flight one time, years ago, and she had a great ass. He said that ass was talking to him. He said that it may have been saying ''stay away'' but it was talking to him.
Robin had some audio of Ray Liotta talking about a new movie he's in. Howard said that he's a good guy. He didn't let that clip play for more than a second before cutting it off. Robin wrapped up and they ended the show around 10:35am.
They also talked about how Gary got into trouble with Howard because of his phlegmy voice early this morning. Gary said that he can tell when Howard gets upset over that. Then there was the thing about Howard getting upset with him for having an opinion on that idea he had for a show. Gary said that he's very dismissive.
Gary said he gave Howard the weird look over his shirt too and he may have gotten a little bit self conscious about that. Jon had Steve Brandano play a clip where Howard was talking about the shirt thing.
After that clip Jon and Gary talked about how Howard pays someone to dress him. Gary said that Howard was complaining about the way he dresses but he pays a guy to dress him.
Jon brought up the 20th anniversary of Baba Booey and if he can believe that. Gary said that he and Mary had been dating for about a month at that time. He said he probably dismissed that whole Baba Booey thing back then. He said that morning he really never thought it would stick. He said he knew it was going to stick a couple of months later.
Gary said that at one point they had a list of top Howard Stern Phrases that came out and ''Baba Booey'' was at the top. It hadn't even been out that long at the time.
Jason said there was a radio show that tried using the Baba Booey thing and thought that it was just a name for a dopey producer. Howard called them out on that and said that it was the name that Gary had come up with on their show.
Jon asked about the Empire State Building and how they requested that they change the color to green. Gary said they just requested that on Friday. He said that they didn't give them much time to think about it. He said they wanted to do a story about how wrong it was that they weren't going to do it but that's not right.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he ever got to the point where he wanted the Baba Booey thing to just stop. Gary said in the beginning it was rough but then it became a second life for him. He said that people started coming to his appearances and told him to write ''Baba Booey'' when he signed his autograph.
Jon asked if Gary was surprised that Sal would be hosting the special tonight. Gary said it's fitting and he wasn't surprised. He said he thinks that they're handling it right by making it all about Baba Booey. He said there's a lot of stuff in there that he'd love to hear. He hoped that they'd have the OJ Simpson call in there and things like that.
A caller asked Gary if he'll have ''Baba Booey'' written on his tombstone. Gary said no. He said he doesn't want that. Jon said he can imagine the engraver doing that. Gary said that's where his family will have to protect him.
Another caller said he heard about a cartoon museum being build in Connecticut and how he and his buddy went there to see what it was about. He said he saw the very first Mickey Mouse cartoon and things like that. He asked Gary if he knew about it. Gary said there are a bunch all over the country but none seem to be the ''official'' one.
Steve said that he was told to go out there to just ''take it all in'' for Geektime. Steve said that no one was putting too much pressure on him. He said that he was in this big room at Comic-Con and he was in there for 3 hours trying to record stuff for the show. He said he ran across the street to get to the Natalie Portman thing and that's when he got the message from Ralph. He said that Ralph is pretty nice to him most of the time but that was a little harsh.
Gary said that Ralph can say that he was joking around about that. He said that the most insulting part was when he told Steve to just ''have fun'' in that sarcastic way he has. Gary said that Steve had to pay for his own hotel room out there and he had to foot the bill for that stuff.
Steve said Ralph gave him $200 for him to use to pick up some stuff there. He said that he would have had to have waited in line for 2 hours to buy anything though. He said he'll be giving Ralph that $200 back. Gary said that Ralph goofs on people about the people they date but he collects these toys.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was the way Ralph said it to Steve that was wrong. He said that he had his boss say that to him once and he told the guy that it would be the end if he ever heard it again.
Steve said he's had discussions with Ralph before and he has called him names like that. Gary said that Steve seems to be more passionate about him calking him ''Steve The Intern'' than he is about Ralph calling him a fucking retard. The caller told Steve not to let him treat him like that. He's not a dog.
Another caller said there are two Mexican super heroes. He said he had to straighten them out about that. The guy said that one of them was El Dorado. Steve didn't recognize that. Gary said he was probably just goofing. He was right.
Ralph called in and said that his geeky collections aren't geeky at all and he's proud of them. Gary said he was trying to explain to Lucas about why Ralph buys three things. He said one is to keep sealed, one is to play with and one is to sell.
Ralph said that he'll say this about Steve. Gary said that he must be upset about the personal message he played. Ralph said he didn't give permission to play it. Gary said that it's a one party state so he doesn't need to.
Ralph said that the message is fine. He said he was half serious and half annoyed with him. He said he asked Steve to do stuff for Geektime and it was pretty clear about what he was supposed to do. He said he set him up to do interviews and get him into things. He said he wanted pictures and things like that. He said that he sent some shitty pictures that were out of focus and didn't give him an update on anything that was going on. He was trying to keep up with it. He said he thought that's what he was out there for and he didn't think it was ridiculous.
Gary said that Steve had an explanation for where he was and Ralph was asking him if he was sitting around drinking. Ralph said he wouldn't have been annoyed but Steve was updating his Twitter page nicely. He said he had to keep up on there instead.
Steve told Ralph where he was with no service at the time he left the message for him. Steve said that if Harrison Ford was there he could have gotten the update but he would have had to have left the panels. He said he got the nice message after he got out of there. Ralph said he set him up with some interviews too. Steve said that he did ask the questions that they asked him to ask too.
Steve said he's not sure what Ralph wanted him to do that he didn't. He said he did everything for him and the show, not for himself. Ralph said Steve needs to be told exactly what to do apparently. He asked how he put up the Twitter stuff and didn't keep him updated. Steve said he did that at 11:30 at night out there. That was all after Ralph gave him a hard time.
Ralph said that some of this stuff with Steve is from the past. He said that he complains about not being recognized and stuff and that rears its ugly head now and then.
Gary said he could write columns for a whole year based on going to a consumer electronics show just once. He asked Ralph why he wouldn't go out there to Comic-Con himself. Ralph said he can't afford to do that. He said that he thought Tim was going to help them out and send them out there. He said that didn't happen and then Steve asked if he would fly him out. That's how he got out there.
Gary said Ralph was just out there in California the week before. Ralph said he was but he just didn't want to go.
Steve said Ralph is a jerk. He said he ran around trying to make Gary and Ralph happy and now Ralph is mad at him. Ralph said that's wonderful and told him to go Twitter it and put a picture up. Steve said he's not sure why he's so upset. He said he's still trying to send him stuff just to appease him and he still gives him a hard time. Steve said he was there for 48 hours and for 30 he was trying to get good stuff for him and for Gary. Then he got that message from Ralph.
Steve said that it was Ralph who made it hard on him. Ralph said he was sorry about that. He gave him a ''Wahhh'' for that. Steve said that now he's going to be banned from doing anything cool. Gary said that he would send Steve out to stuff like that. Ralph said Gary doesn't even know when things like that are going on.
Ralph said he's sorry about Steve taking it the wrong way. He said he does such good work on Geektime and he's running the board there for them on the Wrap Up Show now. He said he thinks that Steve is just being overly sensitive. He said he was just a little annoyed and he was joking around in that call.
Steve said he's not sure what to say to Ralph. Ralph said he doesn't need to say anything. He said he was kind of annoyed with the Twitter thing. He had a guy there and he wasn't getting updates. Other people were Twittering from the place and getting updates. Steve said maybe they had Blackberry's and they were getting service. He didn't have service. Ralph apologized to Steve about the whole thing. He said he's sorry he took the message the wrong way.
Ralph said he's been watching the Larry Sanders show and there's an episode where Hank has to do the show for Larry and he ends up getting this huge head the next day and sets off office in Larry's office the next day.
Gary said he thinks that Ralph will come around on that whole thing. He said he might be upset about Steve playing the message but he might hear it and how he could take it wrong. Gary said that he thinks that Ralph can afford to be out there more than Steve can too.
The caller said that he was following Steve on Twitter the whole weekend and he thought that Ralph was wrong about the Tweets. He said that he didn't get them out there that quickly. Jon said that Ralph was upset that he wasn't getting updates while he had time to do the tweets. Jason got in a plug for the next new Geektime that's going to be on August 14th from 2-4pm. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that they were talking about doing a remote from Comic-Con. They talked about doing that in a meeting recently. The problem is that it's out in San Diego. Gary said he's not a big comic book fan but they would have a lot of guests out there. Steve said there are plenty of celebrities who show up to those things. Gary said he's heard that a lot of them just go it to go.
Jon said he heard that Grace Park was walking around in a Cylon mask around the Con and everyone left her alone. The guy who played Jinn on ''Lost'' also did that.
Jon asked about some of the characters that Steve was interviewing out there. Steve said that there are some people who get off on being those characters who are barely known. Steve said he kind of thinks that's cool when they play those obscure characters.
Jon asked Gary if he knew that Jon Favreau was going to call in. Gary said he got a call from the publicists and it must have been Jon who woke up his publicist. Gary said that he gave the publicist the number and they passed it along to Jon. He said Jon wanted to let them know that Harrison Ford was there with him at Comic-Con.
Gary said that Jon was a good guy even when he wasn't as big as he is now. Steve said that he really is a good guy and the people there loved him.
Jon said that Favreau was very appreciative that Howard liked the first ''Iron Man'' movie before everyone else even found out about it. He let Howard know about that today.
A caller told Gary that she wanted him to know that she loves to geek out on Gary on the show. She loves him. Gary thanked her for that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to comment on Gary. He asked Gary if he remembers that he works for the Howard Stern Show and why he gets so full of himself on the Wrap Up Show. He said that Gary rolling his eyes at Howard's shirt makes it seem like he's got a big head from being on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said that he didn't get up this morning wanting to be phlegmy and to disagree with Howard about his idea. He said it just happens. It's not because he's on the Wrap Up Show.
Gary said that he loves that Eric was getting pissed at Fred. Jon said Fred didn't let up at all either. Gary said that Fred has something called a Wall on his computer and they can fit like 100 things on the screen at a time. He said he thinks that he has 2 walls full of stuff. Gary said he could listen to that stuff for a solid hour.
The caller said that he hopes they stay on the air. Jon said that Howard did bring that up today and said he didn't even have an offer yet. Gary said that he's seeing another scenario where he works without a contract for a small amount of time. He said that they could come back for a month or two and try to work things out. He said he's not sure who that gives more leverage to. Jon said he hadn't even thought about that scenario.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that there is a silver lining to this if Howard does retire. He said that all of the other hangers on are going to crash and burn. He said he would love to see that happen. He said that Ronnie the Limo Driver isn't going to be opening up at Strip Clubs if he can't promote it. He said that Lisa G with the fried egg tits won't get anything. Eric the Midget won't have anything either.
Gary said that they're not all ''done.'' He said that some of the people will just go find work somewhere else. The caller said that they have this air of self importance that they only have on this show. He said it's all over if Howard leaves. He said that Geektime isn't going to get picked up by anyone if Howard leaves.
The caller said that Lisa G is arrogant and she's flat like a 15 year old boy. He said she doesn't have D-cups like she claims. Gary didn't know how to respond to that. He said that her boobs fit her well. The caller said that he saw a picture of her on SternFanNetwork where she's looking as flat as a 15 year old boy. John said they get the picture and let that guy go.
Ralph called in and said that last caller was the definition of someone who loves to hate on the show. He said he wanted to clear something up about Comic-Con too. He said he was already annoyed that they weren't all out there doing the show from the place. He said he was on edge from that and then the other stuff got to him. He said he was a little pissed that Steve went to Tim and asked to go out there. He said that he went to Tim over him and Jason who produces the show. He said he was going to talk to him about that after the Con. Steve said he did talk to him about that. Ralph said he had more to say. He's not done yet.
Steve said that Ralph could have just said no. Ralph said that's right. He could have. Ralph said he was just annoyed and he's sorry that he took it out on Steve. He asked if the other guys heard what he was saying. Gary said he does but he's not sure what he's clearing up. Ralph said he wasn't just upset about what Steve didn't tell him about Harrison Ford. He said he may have taken it out on Steve more than he should have. Steve wasn't sure what to say so he just said ''Thank you?''
Ralph said he was also upset about the voice mail being played on the show. Steve said he wasn't going to play it but he asked the guys what they thought about it and asked if he should be upset. He said he wasn't sure how to take it.
Ralph was comparing this to the Mel Gibson tapes and saying that we don't know both sides of that story. He said that she's not being honest because she's the one recording it. He said that if we could hear both sides then we'd hear just how nutty she is. Gary asked if he should be able to talk about the black, gays and Asians the way he does. Ralph said it's a free country so he can talk about that stuff on a private phone call.
Steve still wasn't sure what Ralph was so upset about. Ralph was upset about the blurry pictures he got and how Steve's pictures on Twitter were clear. Steve said he posted one picture on Twitter. He said he didn't take all of the pictures that were up there. He said other people took some pictures.
Steve said he was hoping that Ralph would just tell him he did a good job out there. Ralph said he doesn't know what he did out there because he didn't have any updates from him. Steve ended up turning down Ralph's call on the board. Gary was impressed that he was able to control the board so well.
Gary said that he told Steve he did a great job out there. He said he wasn't sure how it was going to go but he thinks that he found the correct people out there. He said he can't tell Ralph how to react to that stuff though.
Steve said he doesn't need to be told he was doing a great job but he also doesn't want to be called a fucking idiot while he's out there trying to do a good job.
Ronnie the Limo Driver called in and said that the thing that's bothering him is Gary saying that he's working for free at the strip clubs. Gary said he was joking about that. Ronnie said he thinks that Gary is still mad at him for bumping him out of some of those gigs. Gary said he was just joking and he's not upset. He said he has no hidden agenda. Ronnie still didn't believe him. The two of them went back and forth for the final minute of the show. Ronnie said that it didn't sound like a joke to him. Gary swore it was. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was putting together his Whoopi Goldberg retrospective. He said she's apologized for just about every celebrity who has ever gotten into trouble. He knows that she'd never do that for him though. He said he's probably the most hated guy around. He said he's the only guy who doesn't get defended by other show business people. He said they really resent him.
Howard said he resents the people in reality shows but he watches them. He said he can resent them but he has to monitor them. Howard said he thinks that Whoopi would probably come out against him if he was caught cheating on his wife or something. He said that she'd say he was despicable and there was no excuse for him.
Howard said he has clips of Whoopi talking about various celebrities and first up was Mel Gibson. She defended Mel on The View after Joy Behar went off on him for a minute. Whoopi said that Mel isn't a racist. He may be a bone head, but he's not a racist.
The second clip was Whoopi talking about how Roman Polanski isn't a rapist because the family of the 13 year old he was with knew he was with her. Whoopi said that he wasn't even charged with rape. She said that it wasn't ''rape, rape'' in that clip.
Howard said this doesn't make sense. He said she defends every celebrity who does wrong. He had audio of her defending Michael Vick in the next clip. Whoopi was defending him saying that it was his background and this is where he came from. This is the kind of thing that he grew up around. Howard didn't understand what she was talking about.
Howard said Whoopi also defended Christian Bale. Howard played that clip and Whoopi was talking about why Christian did what he did by yelling at an Assistant Director on the set of ''Terminator.'' Howard asked if anyone has seen the movie where he went nuts. He said the guy barely has a line in that movie. He said it's all action and the movie was shitty. Howard said that every day that you wake up you have to know that not everything is going to go the way you want it to. He said that Christian Bale was on the set of a movie where he gets pampered and he freaked out on this guy who walked through the scene. Howard said he knows that it's tough but you don't go that crazy. You just tell the director and let him or her handle it.
Howard said Christian Bale is a shithead and he can tell from that clip. Howard said the guy is probably a shithead 99 percent of the time. He said he's not yelling at the Assistant Director either. He's really yelling at his mother. Howard said this is really called growing up and you aren't going to have a perfect day every day.
Howard said Whoopi is a pisser. He said he had a clip of her defending Jesse James. He played that clip and she was saying it was nobody's fault about what happened with her and Sandra Bernhard. Whoopi said she did it 55 or 6 times while she was married. She said that just happens.
Howard talked about some other people Whoopi has defended. He said that she defended Ted Danson when he went to an event in black face. Howard said she finds an excuse for everyone. Howard said JD went back and pulled all of her various defenses. He said that it just goes on and on and on.
Robin said she makes sure that those defenses are clear too. She doesn't let anyone talk over her like they usually do on that show.
Howard played more of the Christian Bale defense that Whoopi had. Howard said the guy just has no clue what the real world is like and you can't defend that kind of behavior. He said the guy is a douche and he knows it.
Howard said he can't think of anyone that Whoopi hasn't defended. Robin said that she hasn't heard her defend OJ Simpson. Howard said he's sure she has. He told JD to find some tape.
The caller said he hopes that they replay that special sometime soon. Howard said he'll let everyone know when he finds out when they're going to replay it.
Another caller said that he wishes that it went on longer than an hour. He said it wasn't enough time. He said he was cracking up listening with his wife and she was laughing too.
Howard said he had to congratulate Sal on that special. He said he did a good job with that. The caller said he might be stupid but he did a great job with that Baba Booey special.
Howard said he thinks that High Pitch Eric took his test yesterday and that's it for everyone. He asked Gary if he had a list of the people who took it. Gary said he'd come in with that.
Bobo called in and said that he was glued to the radio last night listening to the Baba Booey special last night. He told Howard some of his favorite songs. Howard thanked him and let him go. Robin said that she laughed because Bobo said he was glued to the radio and his hair is glued to his head.
Gary said that they were thinking about doing the IQ test with Bobo and people like that. They'll have to do that sometime in the future.
Gary went over the list of people who took the test and it was most of the crew there other than Howard, Robin and Fred. Gary said that a bunch of the guys there took it as well as High Pitch Eric.
Ralph took the test and Howard said Ralph was excited about taking it. Gary said he and Ralph have a $300 bet against each other about who's going to be smarter. Howard said he thinks that Ralph might come in smarter than Gary. He said they're both in the same range in his opinion. Robin said she thinks that she's going to go with Gary there.
Gary said he thinks he's smarter than Ralph but he's not sure by how much. He said that he, DePace and Jason are probably in the same range too. Howard said he thinks that DePace is much smarter than Howard and Jason. Gary said that DePace has a lot of confidence and he exudes that. Robin said that DePace doesn't even question it. Gary said he thinks he's smart. He said it should be close between him and DePace. Howard said he has $1,000 on DePace.
DePace said that he thinks he'll beat Gary but it might not even be by that much. Howard said that he was thinking that Gary went to Retard College but then he thought that DePace went to a retard college too. DePace said that he didn't go to a retard college. He said he went to Rowen College and it's not retarded. Howard said that it's changed names since he went there though so it can't be that great. Scott said it used to be Glassboro State but some guy donated like $100 million to the college and they changed the name.
Gary said he went to a private university so he didn't go to a retard college. He said it was Adelphi. Howard said it's not that great of a school. Gary said it was fine.
Howard said he's trying to think of who did the best on their SATs. Scott said he did an 1100 and Gary did a 1000. Howard said he thinks he's going to win $1,000 from Robin. Jason got a 1240 on his SATs so Howard is now thinking he's fucked. Howard asked where he went to school. Jason went to Rutgers. Jason said he graduated with two majors, history and communications. Howard said communications is easy.
Howard talked about the bullshit communications classes and how they're so easy. Gary said that it wasn't that easy. He said he didn't go there for Gym to be a Phys Ed teacher or something. Howard asked Gary what was so difficult about communications classes at Adelphi. He told him that he's sure that no one has ever flunked out of communications. He said that's just not possible. Jason agreed. He said that it's a made up field.
Howard said he had a professor who taught them about what an Owned and Operated station was compared to a network. Howard explained what that was and how it was different. It was very simple stuff. He said he graduated Magna Cum-Laude because it was so easy.
Howard said he's all for the communications classes but they're very easy. He said that Gary is bragging about his GPA and smiling about it. He said that it wasn't hard. He went over that for a few minutes. Jason said that P.R. classes are easy too. Howard said they're like journalists though so they have some talent. Howard said it's good to have that kind of background. He said that you should be a P.R. major or an English major if you have that kind of background.
Gary said that his son is talking about what he wants to do and he's thinking that he should be an English major when he goes to college.
Gary said he took a really dumb class. He said that they met one night a week for 2 and a half hours. He said they went to a radio station and got yelled at by Scott Muni. He said that they also watched a movie on the history of Atlantic records. He said that was just one class though. Howard said that's like majoring in breathing. Gary told Howard about some of the other classes he took that were pretty simple.
Howard said he thinks that he has a losing bet against Jason. He said he picked DePace over Jason but Jason got a really high score on his SATs. Gary said Howard is wrong about the IQ test and the SAT tests being the same.
Howard said that his ears hurt from Gary saying he was wrong. He said that this stuff does measure intelligence and it must be similar. He said that it's logic. He said that people who have high IQs can see things that other people can't so they have super powers. He said that they can solve things that other people can't.
Howard said that he has a sinking feeling that his bet isn't going to pay off. He thinks that Jason is going to take this and Robin is going to win. He said he thinks that they will come in the same order that they did on their SAT scores. Scott said he beat Jason in an IQ test online. Jason said he thought they were off by 1 point but Scott said it was more like 15.
Jason said that Scott yelled at him to come back and take a 5 question test. He said he never even saw the scores so he's not sure where they were actually at.
Howard said that Robin is the only one with a real college degree. She had a nursing degree. Scott said she didn't use it. Howard said she did too. She was in the military using that. She didn't have to take a communications class to do radio either. She said that she just looked at radio and said she could do it.
Howard said that Richard is another story. He thinks that he's just as dopey as Sal is. Gary doesn't think he is though. Howard said that he can't read music. He later found out he can read music. Howard said he thinks that Sal might have a mathematical ability. Robin laughed. Howard said he thinks that he must have something there to have been a stockbroker. He said he might come in above Richard in the IQ test. Robin thinks that Richard will be better than Sal. Howard said they're both big question marks in his mind.
Gary said he thinks that Sal will have done poorly on some of the sections of the test. He said that based on the general knowledge questions they asked he doesn't think that he did well. He said he may have gotten 2 or 3 out of the total. Howard said he may have gotten zero. Gary said that they did ask some simple ones but they get progressively harder. Gary said he's pretty sure that Sal doesn't know a bunch of the questions they asked. Jason was pretty sure Sal missed some of them too.
Robin said she may have a bad bet in there. She said she took some bad bets and JD might be a dark horse. Gary said that Howard has a bet with Robin that JD will lose to DePace. Howard said he's pretty sure that Scott will win that one. JD went to Full Sail college and that wasn't even a real college.
JD came in and said that he got a 1010 on his SAT tests. Howard said that he has DePace and Robin has JD. Robin said that DePace was being dopey that day they took the bets.
Howard said he'd like to get out of some of the bets with Robin. He said he wants to go into new bets on Thursday. Gary said that they made bets and they can't just back out. Howard said they're going to make new bets though. He told Gary ''fuck you'' and asked when he became the police. Howard said that he and Robin can negotiate their own bets. He said Gary has gotten crazy in the last two days. Howard goofed on Gary about that for a couple of minutes. He said he's a ''fuckin' dick.'' He asked who this guy is and how did he get into his life? Howard said the guy is out of control.
Robin said that she just wants to think about her bets a little more. She said that doesn't mean she won't pick him against other people. Howard said he may want to go heavy betting on some people like High Pitch.
DePace told Howard he should stick to it. Howard said he needs time to think about all of this. He still couldn't believe that Gary was complaining. Howard said Gary goes home and his children are getting the best chicken parts before him and he's telling him he's wrong for changing his bets. He said here Gary puts his foot down but at home he doesn't. He said that Gary goes out and makes a living and then they feed everyone else before him. Howard said Gary has to eat the leftovers. Gary just sits back and takes it.
Gary said he'd like to take a bet that he works for the two angriest people ever. Howard said he saw Gary's breakfast was gone already. Gary said he was also taking his vitamin and kidney stone pills. He told Howard that he was told that the doctor wanted to see him before his next appointment and now he's nervous. He said that they did a blood test and called him back early.
Howard said Gary has a little diner going back there. Gary said he gets his breakfast in a tiny tin just like everyone else. Howard told him to turn off his mic. Gary said that he was drinking his water too and had to put lemon in that. Howard said it's like giving birth to have those kidney stones. He said he wouldn't want that.
Howard said that he and Robin are calling off their bets. Robin said she's not sure if she has any others. Howard said they're going to have to come up with more on Thursday.
Howard and Gary had some bets too. Howard said he'll keep it if he wants to. He was leaving it up to Gary. He said he doesn't pull out of bets. He said that he and Robin just negotiated to take them off. Gary said he could change his mind by Thursday. Howard said that he and Robin were just talking and it had nothing to do with Gary.
Howard said he still thinks that Sal is going to be smarter than Richard but not in a huge way. He said that they're both going to be remarkably stupid. Robin said she thinks that Richard is actually smart but he likes to be dumb.
Howard had Eric on the phone and told Eric that if he was really his manager or agent he would get paid. Eric said he knows that. He said he's seen Entourage and Pit Boss so he knows they get a cut. Robin said that he might have the right to speak to Johnny if he was paying him.
Howard said he wants to hear about Eric's roommate talking to Johnny. Eric said he wasn't talking directly to him. Howard asked if he talked to his roommate to play the clip. Eric said that he did say it was okay. Eric said that he's also turned this stuff over to Johnny because he has no idea how to negotiate with these people. Howard said he should be nice to Johnny if he's doing it for free. He said that Johnny is going out of his way to help and Eric is treating him poorly.
Johnny said that Eric was putting out all kinds of things about him being a shitty manager and stuff. He said he stopped talking to Eric for like 3 weeks but he got pulled back in.
Howard said that Eric is calling Johnny shit and he's doing this work for free. Eric said he knows what he's saying. Howard said you get what you pay for if Johnny is shit. Johnny said that he's done an amazing job for free. Howard said he bets he has.
Howard said he wanted to hear Eric's roommate say yes to playing the message. Eric had him yell out that it was okay. Howard said he had to hear him say it was to play the message so the guy, Jann, said it was fine.
Howard played the clip of Jon yelling at Johnny in a voice mail. He was going off on him about how he was fucking up things all the time and how it was all last minute stuff. Jon was saying that he could get the work done faster than Johnny could get it done. He was yelling during the whole call and saying that he was Eric's only ''real'' friend and he's the one who looks out for him and takes care of him. Jon said that they're not sure they're going to have the oxygen there for him either. He said that if he really cared he wouldn't keep pissing him off.
After hearing the rant Howard said he wouldn't mess with that guy. He said he wouldn't mess with Johnny either though. Johnny said that the guy is very convincing when he's yelling like that. He said he's not sure how the teamster is going to do driving Eric and Jon up to Vancouver though. Howard said that Jon is very intense about that stuff.
Howard asked Johnny what's keeping him involved in this. Johnny said that he must be out of his fucking mind. He said that he has some other clips of the negotiations they did with the whole thing and he has to hear that stuff. Howard said he's not sure what Johnny is doing in all of this. He said that Jon isn't backing down on it all. He said that Jon told him to fuck off. Howard said that's a real man.
Howard told Eric to stick with that guy because he's really on his team. Johnny said he really is. He said Howard had to hear the negotiation tape. He said he'd love that.
Howard played a clip of Johnny talking to Eric on the phone and asking what he wanted to tell them at Fringe. He asked if they wanted a different date or something. Eric said that Jon was thinking that they created this so he'd back out just so it would be another thing on him so it would make him look bad. Johnny told Eric they had 9 days to make this happen. Eric said that he doesn't even really like the show. Johnny laughed and said that he shouldn't say that.
Howard asked Johnny why he sticks with this. He said that he's like a masochist. Johnny said this is the hardest thing he's ever done in his life. Howard said Johnny doesn't have time for this nonsense. He's running his own businesses. Howard said this is taking up his whole day. Johnny said that it took up two whole days. He said the lady from the casting department is a saint. Robin said you'd think that a huge thing was going to come out of this, not a 4 line part.
Johnny said that he had to follow through on this but it was not easy. He said that he had one tape of him and Jon yelling at each other over Eric.
Eric is going to be shooting on Thursday and Friday. Johnny said that he has a teamster by the name of Rocco driving him up there to Vancouver. Eric said that's not the name he got. Johnny said he was joking about the name. Eric didn't understand the joke.
Johnny said they should be releasing these Eric tapes just a little bit at a time, like the Mel Gibson tapes. Howard asked if they got him some good money. Johnny said they wouldn't believe it if he told them. He said that Eric is beyond double scale on this part. Howard said that's really good. He's also got a per diem to eat and to travel. He said that Eric got everything he wanted and he got a co-starring role on the show. He's even getting 5 oxygen tanks. Eric said he's handling those himself.
Howard said that it sounds like Johnny made a good deal. Gary came in and said that he wanted to know what was going on with Robert Mills. Johnny said the guy lives like 2 blocks away from where he lives. He ran into him one day and that was it. He said they said hi and that was it. He said Eric got it in his head that he was having a secret meeting with the guy.
Eric said that is true. He said he got jealous of Johnny trying to make his own deals. Johnny said that went on for three weeks. Howard said that Eric had a meeting with Robert Mills and if it pans out, it pans out. He said that it won't cut Eric out of anything. Johnny said that Eric thinks he's entitled to half of anything he makes if he does something with Robert Mills. Howard said that he's the one who found Robert Mills for Eric. He said that he's not jealous. Howard said he found the Fringe deal for Eric too. Eric said that they weren't able to find Johnny. Howard said they're fans of the show though. They only found Eric because of this show. Robin said that they made the connection and they should get the finder's fee.
Howard said that Eric is getting co-star billing and double scale. This puts him in a whole new category. Eric said it definitely does. Johnny said that they don't make just anyone a co-star. Eric said that some of the pressure could be taken off of Johnny if there was a completion in the connection between Johnny and Shorty Rossi who he's trying to get to represent him. Eric said that he'd like to get in touch with him.
Johnny said that they had West Coast Customs come to him to build Eric a custom wheelchair too. Johnny said that he's going to put Eric in a basket and put him on Shorty Rossi's front porch to get rid of him. Johnny sad that Shorty can handle this by himself. He doesn't need him.
Howard asked Eric if he wants Johnny to negotiate a management set up with Shorty. Eric said he'd like to have both as representatives. Howard said that Johnny wants out though. He asked if that would be acceptable with Eric. Eric said yes to that. Howard said he had to take a break. Johnny said that they have to hear more of those clips he sent over there. He said that they have one that's him talking to Eric and Jon is yelling over both of them and none of them are talking about the same thing. Johnny said there's something wrong with him because he just has to finish things that he starts. He said it's like a Rubik's cube to him.
Johnny said that his kids are ready to commit him over this whole thing. They think he's out of his mind for handling this.
Eric said that this will be episode 2 of the season and the season starts September 23rd. He said that's the one thing that he's allowed to talk about. Howard let the two of them go and talked about how crazy the whole story is. Howard said that Johnny is connected and that Jon guy was fucking with him. Howard said he would never fuck with a family like that. He said that just based on the name he wouldn't do that. Howard said he'd like to hear that Jon kid again but he had to go to break.
Howard came back and said he heard that JD had gotten the Eric tapes late on Friday but he could have given them to Gary to listen to. JD said that Gary gave them to him late on Thursday. He said there are two half hour calls and one 15 minute call. He said he gave them to him during the show so he wasn't able to get to them. Gary said he wasn't sure they were that interesting so he gave them to Richard and Sal and they didn't think they were very interesting. Howard said he finds them fascinating.
Howard said JD does a good job listening to this stuff. He said he could get someone else to listen for him too though. Gary said he did.
JD was apologizing but Howard told him to just stop. He said he's just giving him some pointers. He asked if he's still fucking that girl. JD said he is. He said they went out on Friday. He said they're just hanging out but Howard said that they're banging so it's more than ''hanging out.'' Howard said the girl is smoking hot too. He asked if he's still having problems finishing. JD said the second time took more oral or something. He said that he has people who listen so he can't talk about her too much.
Howard said he heard that she wants a threesome and JD isn't into it. JD said that's not true. He said that he doesn't want to talk about it. JD said that they have it wrong.
JD said that he's not sure what's going to happen at the end of this year so he's not sure he wants a girlfriend. He said that the doesn't want to put time and effort into it if he's not going to have a job. Howard said he can keep a girlfriend though. He said that JD is awesome. He said you'd think he'd be all over it but he's not letting himself get tied down. He said he loves his attitude. He told JD that he's wicked cool.
Howard asked JD if he enjoys being with himself. JD said he doesn't socialize that much. Howard said he's not attached to this girl and he really is ''Da Bad Ass.'' He said that most guys wouldn't tell a chick to just go do her own thing. JD is still open to dating other chicks. JD said that's right and he wouldn't care if she was dating someone else. He doesn't want to hear about the other guys if she is. Howard said his attitude is awesome.
Howard said that JD has it made with this girl. JD said that she's working hard on the relationship and he feels kind of bad about that. Howard said that he can plow her pretty hard too because he's unable to cum. He said he's like a porn star in that way.
Howard asked Mark where he works. He said he's in Philadelphia and he's one of the few guys who do this operation. He said it's like breast augmentation for men. Mark said that he's a plastic surgeon and about 1-3 guys a week are doing this. Howard said he'd like to feel more confident in front of other men with a bigger penis.
Howard said that this operation they do is cutting a ligament so it can be longer. Mark said that it's still firm but it may stick more straight out than it used to. He said it does work too. He said he has not done the operation on himself though.
Howard asked if he has patients that have micro-phallus where you can't even see their penis. Mark said that he does see guys like that. He said that he can do some other operations that remove some fat down there. He said that can give another half inch. He said that trimming the hair can make it appear bigger too. Howard said he did that but he looked like a baby.
Mark told Howard that he has an above average penis size when he said he's got 6 inches. Howard said he measured from his taint. Howard said he actually is 6 inches. Mark said he would not operated on him with a penis like that. He said the average is 5 3/4 inches. Howard asked about how they do the operation. He said they hang weights on your penis and it weighs about a pound. He said you have to wear that for about 6 months after the operation just so the scar tissue doesn't pull it back. He said it's like physical therapy. Howard said that you can end up smaller if the scar tissue pulls it back. Mark said that is correct. Howard jokingly said that Benjy has two on now.
Howard asked who makes the condoms with the weights in them. Mark said that is another company that he has nothing to do with.
Howard said that John Wayne Bobbit had something done to his penis and it looked odd. Mark said that is fat that's injected into your penis and there isn't fat in there usually. He said he does something different where he puts skin inside and it's basically dead skin that makes it wider. He said that you won't have feeling in that part of your penis for 3-6 months. Howard said that must freak some people out. Mark said it makes people feel good actually.
Mark said that the length of your penis and the girth should be about the same. He said that a long and skinny penis looks long and skinny. He can balance that out with his procedure. He said you can add 50 percent to the circumference pretty easily. Howard asked what it costs. Mark said it's a little over $15,000. He said you can get all of the work done at once. You can find out more at MarkSolomonMD.com or Penile-Enlargement-Surgery.com.
Howard asked what kind of guys come in for this. He said it's about half married and half not married. He said that he's had guys get multiple jobs done and one guy said his wife asked him to stop because she couldn't handle it.
Howard asked Mark how big he is. Mark said he's under 6 inches so Howard is bigger than him. Howard said that he was getting hard talking about this. Howard asked if he had some girth. Mark said he's about average there.
Howard told Mark he should call himself Doc Cock or something like that. Mark said that it might stick now that Howard has said that. Howard gave him some more plugs and told him to get a vanity plate that says Doc Cock. Mark said he'd look into that. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he would never get that operation done. He said he can't imagine fucking around down there. He said even if he had micro-phallus he wouldn't touch it. He said that would be a last resort kind of thing. Robin said that the thickening thing might be good for your partner. Howard said he once heard Jessica Hahn talking about how thick Sam Kinison was and that's when he knew that he wasn't very thick. He said that Jessica might not even know if he was in her. Howard said he'd ask his wife to get fat injected in her before he'd get his penis thickened. Fred played a bunch of Little Lupe audio clips while they were talking about that.
Howard asked Lisa what she had. Lisa said they have a story about the IQ tests where they polled people about who will come out on top between Sal, Richard and JD. 49 percent thing that JD will be at the top. 41 percent think that Richard will be second. Howard said he can't believe that JD would be on top. He said that he can barely talk. Lisa said that only 10 percent think that Sal will come out on top.
Lisa said that this is the 30th anniversary of Suzanne Muldowney's dancing like Underdog Lady. She wanted to do a show but they weren't able to fit her in. She started crying to Shuli so they found out that Mutt is going to let her do a special appearance on Superfan Roundtable on Thursday. Howard asked where the tape is of Suzanne crying to Shuli. Lisa said she hasn't heard it yet. Howard said he wants to hear the tape. Howard said he can't believe she's been doing that for 30 years.
Lisa said that Jeff the Drunk was supposed to make an appearance out in Wisconsin and he had to hitch a ride to the event where he was going to be appearing since his flight was canceled. He got there late and just in time to see them tearing down the place. The guy who booked Jeff paid him even though he didn't show up on time.
Robin mentioned that there are some pictures out of Jon Bon Jovi in bed with a couple of chicks that just came out. Howard said that it was just a promotional picture and he didn't do anything wrong. He said that they're trying to embarrass him with the pictures but it was something he shot for the band. They went over that for a minute before going to break.
Howard came back and said that the guy playing drums on that song was going to be coming in next. Howard let the song play a little bit and said that was some good drumming there. Howard said that anyone who is a fan of Celebrity Rehab would know Steven Adler from that show. He said he's a trip. He's teamed up with Chip Z'Nuff to create a new band. Both of them were there.
Howard said that Steven gives you the death grip when he hugs you. He said that Chip Z'Nuff should have been one of the biggest rock stars on this planet. Steven said he will be. Howard said the guy can play his ass off. Howard said he saw him ply with Enuff Z'Nuff and he was great.
Howard said that Chip is living in Steven's house right now. He said Chip needs his own mansion to live in though. Steven said that's what their goal is. He said that's what Adler's Appetite is all about. He said he did That Metal Show and they talked about how there was no more Twinkle Twinkle, they were just going to be stars.
Howard asked Chip what happened with their band. chip said that all of their money went to bankruptcy. Howard said that there are a lot of bands out there that never got their big payday. Steven said that it's hard to get 4 or 5 guys together that have the same goals and the same dream and the same drive.
Howard said that Steven has been friends with Slash since he was 11. He asked if he'd made up with him. He said that he has. Howard asked if he's stayed sober. Steven said he's got 5 months going right now. He said he has had a few relapses though. Steven said that in the last relapse he was just doing oxycontin. He said that he had never done that before. Howard said he found something new. He asked why he would try it. Steven said it was just one of those moments.
Howard gave Steven some plugs for this book he's got out called ''My Appetite for Destruction: Sex, and Drugs, and Guns N' Roses.'' Howard said the odds of making it in the business are like a million to one and they made it. He said they screwed it all up with drugs. Howard said that he had some stuff from the book like the fact that he started smoking weed at 11. Steven said there's a lot of that going on even today.
Howard said that Steven's mother came in and said that Steven is a liar about a lot of the stuff he talks about when he was on Celebrity Rehab. Steven said that there is some exaggeration there but he was kind of cloudy when he was coming down off of that stuff. He said that he didn't lie. He said that his mom definitely did the stuff that he claims she did. He said that his mom stuck up for his step-father and threw him out of the house at the age of 11.
Steven said that he wouldn't have met Slash if he wasn't kicked out of the house. He said that he got to hang out with him because he was living with his grandma and grandpa.
Howard asked Steven why he doesn't have kids. Steven said he has dogs. Howard said he must think that he can't give to kids because he never had a childhood himself. Howard asked how his mother told him to get out. Steven said that he came home from school and all of his stuff was on the sidewalk. He said that it's all in the book. He said that his grandmother came over and picked him up after that.
Howard asked Chip about his parents. Chip said that his parents were the best. He said that they were very loving and he was very lucky that way.
Howard said that he must have looked like a little kid at 11. Steven said he was. He said he once drank a bunch of booze and he had to be walked home by his friends. He said he got home and his mom had a Tupperware party going on and he looked at them and just puked. That's when it all started.
Howard asked Steven about the sexual abuse he claims he had in his life. Steven said that he had some sexual experiences pretty early in life. He said that he got to fuck the mother of Slash's girlfriend. He said that chick taught him to roll joints too.
Howard read that Steven went to a club as a teen and they gave him quaaludes and they'd have their way with him. Steven said that was just one time. He said it wasn't multiple times. He said that they took advantage of him after giving him drugs. Howard asked if they tried to put it in his ass too. Steven said they did. He said you can't be sexually abused and not get fucked in the ass. Howard said he'd be off of drugs forever after that. He said Dr. Drew should have fucked him in the ass and that would have straightened him right out.
Howard said that Steven had some other drug experiences that led to gay stuff. He said that he was raped by some guys on a couple of occasions.
Steven said it just takes one bad night to last a lifetime. He said he's going to go home and throw his book into a fire. Then he's going to take the next 10 years go make a new life.
Howard said that Steven fucked a ton of women. He said that he was on a tear and put a lot of people to shame. Robin asked if he was over compensating. Steven said that was a dream come true.
Howard read that Steven and Slash shared some chicks when they were getting them. Howard asked Chip if he was sharing girls with the guys in Enuff Z'Nuff. Chip said they didn't share. Howard read that Steven was having sex anywhere, anytime. He'd just do them as soon as he met them. Steven said that he had sex with 9 women with Steven Tyler in the back of a tour bus one night. That's how many women he was getting. He said Steven had a big rig too but he had to do that with the girls that night.
Howard asked about that night and how Steven was working things. Steven said that Tyler was orchestrating all of this and it was just a giant pile of flesh in the back of the bus. Steven said he's amazed that he didn't end up with AIDS or anything like that. He said it's amazing. Howard asked if he became numb to sex. Steven said that the drugs made him numb to everything. He said he can't still do drugs and get a hard on now. Howard told him to speak for himself.
Howard asked Steven if there was ever a time he felt bad for the women. Steven said that he never did. It was rock and roll and that was his dream come true. He said he would have girls suck on his cock while he watched TV. He said he did fall in love with his first and second wives. Howard asked if he ever started making out with Steven Tyler. He said he did feel his rig. He said he didn't feel it outside the pants. He said that he learned a lot from Steven Tyler.
Howard read about Steven and Izzy from Guns N Roses and some of the stuff they did together too. Howard read that Slash, Duff and Steven would have competitions to see who could get blown the most in one day. Steven said he did it for the band. He said he was very proud of that too.
Howard asked if the blow jobs just blend into each other. Steven said that they did and the girls would just do it to do it. He said one day he had 15 in one day. He wasn't even cumming because he was getting so many.
Howard read that Steven would take girls that weren't that good looking to take care of his road crew. Howard said that must have made the girls feel like shit. Steven said that there were a lot of fat girls that got fucked back then. Howard asked where the girls would go if they were rejected by the road crew. Steven said the would just go home after that.
Howard asked Steven why he can't ask Axl Rose to get the band back together. Steven said that Axl has a band with other guys. Howard said he should be the peace maker and go on tour again. He said that Steven is sober, Slash is sober... everyone is sober. Steven said he hopes that Axl will read his book and see and realize what he went through. He said that he might realize how close they were. He said that it meant a lot to them and to the world. He said that whatever happened in the past is gone and he's not upset about any of it. He said he loves Axl too. He said that the guy has a big rig too.
Howard said that Chip has one too. Howard asked how big that thing is. Chip said he's not sure but he's very grateful. Howard said he saw Chip strumming his guitar with that rig one night. Steven said he can tie it in a knot.
Howard asked who has the biggest rig out of everyone. Steven said that it would be Slash or Steven Tyler. He said that he was embarrassed to pull his out in front of Steven Tyler. He said the guy has huge hands too. Howard said he has huge hands but he doesn't have a big rig. Steven said it must be the Jew in them that keeps it small.
Howard checked out a picture of Steven at his Bar Mitzvah. Howard hadn't seen the book yet so Steven told him he was a bastard for not even looking at it.
Howard said that Steven was doing heroin for a while and never shot up. Then one day he just said fuck it and started doing it. Steven said one night he wanted to be in the room partying with everyone so he started doing it.
Howard gave Steven some more plugs for his book and said that he's going to be signing down in Philly today. He's going to be in Ridgewood, New Jersey tomorrow.
Howard said he's glad that Steven has started this new band, Adler's Appetite, with Chip. Howard said they'll be playing tomorrow night at the Bell House in New York. Tonight they're playing at the Hard Rock Cafe in Philadelphia.
Howard said he had their new song to play. Steven said he wants him to play the whole song too. Howard said he heard that he gets paid to just play drums to the music tracks of songs he's been on. Steven said that he does that and so do some other drummers.
Howard said that Steven was friends with Sam Kinison. He read that he wasn't a big fan of Jessica Hahn though. Steven said he didn't know her very well but then realized that he was in rehab with her. Chip said that they used to hang out and do blow together. He mentioned a few names of people that used to do that.
Howard read that Steven had a fling with Rachel Hunter. Steven said he mentioned that in an interview and Rod Stewart got upset with him. He said that he just says that he made out with her in the book. He said that he respects Rod too much to say anything else.
Howard read that Steven also dated Christina Applegate. Steven said she was a great chick. Howard read that he had sex with Tabitha Stevens too. Steven said he did that in Howard's green room.
Howard said that the new band is called Adler's Appetite and they're playing in Philly tonight at the Hard Rock. He said that they'll be at the Bell House in Brooklyn tomorrow night.
Chip told Howard that they can create a great song and put it right on iIunes and people can get it immediately. He said that they don't have to create a whole album and make people wait.
Howard asked Chip about what's going on with him. Chip told Howard he's single right now. He said he's living with Steven and taking care of the house with him. He said that he tries to stay out of the way of Steven and his wife but Steven will call him into the room to hang out. He said they watch a lot of Family Guy and cartoons and it makes him lose his mind sometimes. He said the cartoons are very well written though. Chip said he doesn't want to be an extra wheel there. Howard asked Chip if he's attracted to Steven's wife. Chip said that Steven's wife is very beautiful but he doesn't look at her like that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if Kinison had a big rig. Steven said no. He said when you do a lot of blow it doesn't get hard. He said that Sam used to run around naked many a night. He said that he was no Steven Tyler or Slash as far as his rig goes.
Ralph also asked if there's any guy in Steven's life whose cock he hasn't seen. Steven said he hasn't seen Howard's yet but by the end of the day he hopes to.
Another caller asked if Steven has taken a dick in his butt or mouth to buy drugs. Steven said he didn't have to. He said they sold 100 million records so he had plenty of money. Howard asked if he has seen David Lee Roth's penis. He said he's got a firm rig but it's not as big as Slash's. Howard said these stories are crazy. Steven has fucked so many girls with other guys. He's done girls with David Lee Roth. He said that they would do chicks with three guys. He said one guy would be in the mouth, one in the vagina and one in the ass. He said even the chick's belly buttons would be full.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about some of the other guys that they've hung out with. Steven said that he hung out with Taylor Hawkins from Foo Fighters and he heard stories about how he banged chicks to Appetite for Destruction. He said he didn't get to fuck any chicks with him though.
Howard asked Steven how he learned drums. Steven said he was self taught and learned from watching and listening. He said he just started taking lessons a couple of month's ago. He said he wanted to better himself so that's why he's doing that.
Howard asked about who the best bass players are. Chip mentioned guys like Paul McCartney, John Entwhistle, Getty Lee and Flea.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this was a great interview. He asked how and why Steven is still alive after what he did. Howard said that they're trying to figure out how Ozzy is still alive but they should do the same with Steven. It's amazing that he's around. Steven said that he's tried many times to kill himself and found out it's very hard. He said he tried taking 100 valium and a whole bottle of Jaeger and some heroin and he just had the best night's sleep he's ever had. He said it's easier to cripple yourself than it is to kill yourself.
Steven said that he really wanted to die but now he wants to live. Howard said he had abscesses on his stomach too and they would pop them and they smelled horrible. Howard said all of this is in the book.
Another caller said that there is no other place to have an interview like this other than on SIRIUS. He asked where else Steven is going to be promoting and what kind of stories he can tell. He said they just have to get the book.
Howard said he had Chip's sister Gina on the phone. She's the casting director for The Biggest Loser. Howard asked Gina if she knew that he had a big penis. She said she has read about that. Gina said she's never seen it though.
Howard asked Gina about casting some of the guys on the show on the show. She said that they have open calls for some cities around the country so they could come out and audition.
Howard asked Gina about how they do the casting and if they look for people who ware going to be hot when they lose weight. She said that's what they do. She said that there are some that would be so beautiful if they lost the weight. She told Howard that they have to go out and see Adler's Appetite because they perform all of the Appetite for Destruction songs and their own stuff too.
Howard said he heard that Chip's daughter is an actress. Chip said she's been working a lot lately and she's doing well. He said he stays in touch with her mother too just like Howard does with Alison.
Howard said he was going to play the boys out with their new single. He thanked the guys for coming in and said that it was time to listen to their new music. You can get their song on iTunes along with the book. You can find out more about the band and all of that at AdlersAppetite.com. Howard played their new single ''Alive'' as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said he didn't know they said Baba Booey in the middle of that song. Fred threw in a few more Baba Booey clips while the song was playing.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel apparently follows Eric the Midget's tweets and they're supposed to be pretty good. Howard read one where he said he spends over $150 in female web site subscriptions so how can he be gay? Howard said that Eric is spending like half of his income on female web sites. Howard said he's cool.
Howard said Sam Simon sent him an email too. He said that Gary had screwed up something about LBJ when he was goofing on Sal last week and he had to straighten him out on that.
Howard said he saw that Kenny Chesny has his own iPhone app and he has his own radio show and his archives and stuff on the app. Howard said it's pretty impressive. He said that could be the future of radio. He said Robin could have her own thing or Sirius could have an app like that. He said that's what he's thinking. He said they could program it even more than it is now.
Howard said it's crazy where technology is going. He said he's always busy with his Blackberry and he's got apps to play with on there. Robin said she doesn't mess around with the apps that much on her Blackberry. Robin said she has an iPad now and she's gotten a few apps on there. Howard said he bought a book that was 99 cents and it was about how to use his iPad. Robin said it's pretty cool how it changes the pages in a book. Howard took a call from a guy who just gave him an annoying ''Hey Now'' so Howard hung up.
Shuli told her a knock knock joke but it didn't seem to work. Howard said he might need the raw tape on that. He said that was edited for a news report. Howard said he feels bad for her, for a lot of reasons.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric and Ivy Supersonic going to apply for jobs at Bath Fitter. They do bathroom remodeling and they'll be appearing at street fairs to pitch this stuff to people. Robin said they're the people who install pre-manufactured stuff in a day. Steve said it starts on Sunday. Eric is in bad shape right now with problems with his hand. He was in the E.R. over the weekend getting that checked out. Howard said it's probably gout in his hands and feet. He can't hold the cups at the Hard Rock now.
Howard said that Eric claims he has gout in his wrist. That means he can't even hold cups. Steve said that Eric isn't working at the Hard Rock right now. Howard said if he were Eric he'd hold those cups with his feet. He said he might have a case of Lazy-itis. Howard said he can't wait to see Eric's IQ test results. He needs to know now what they are.
Steve said that a stern fan saw JD out on a date the other night. He bought them a round of shots when he saw them out. He said that the tipster said that JD thanked him for that. Howard said he heard that Ronnie has seen this chick and asked if she's hot. Ronnie came in and said that she is very hot. He said that JD has a rap with the strippers. He said he hits it off with these girls. He said that JD hit it off with this one at his birthday party. Ronnie said that he's usually into black chicks but this girl is blond.
Ronnie asked Steve why he's fucking with JD and this girl. He told him to give JD a break. Steve said he's just reporting on the info they got. Howard asked who this girl looks like. Ronnie wasn't coming up with anyone. He said that maybe Heather Locklear or Britney Spears. He said he's not sure how tall she is. Ronnie said that it really surprised him because JD is usually into black girls.
JD came in and said that he's not just into black girls. He said he likes girls with a big ass. Ronnie told Steve to lay off of JD and not ruin this whole thing for him. Steve said that's not what he's trying to do. He said that the tipster gave them the info.
Steve said that they have a story about Rudy Fratto being arrested and being listened as a mob boss in Chicago. He's Johnny's cousin. Howard said that he knows nothing. He said that Eric's roommate should calm down though. He doesn't know who he's messing with.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to the guys talking about Steven Adler and some of the stories he told. Howard said that Steven confirmed that David Lee Roth was banging chicks. He said that they learned a lot of interesting stuff in that interview.
Robin read a story about Bon Jovi and a book that's out about the band. Robin said the book is unauthorized so Jon may be upset about it. Robin said that the author was a former road manager. He claims that they were linked to one of the biggest drug rings in the country years ago.
Robin read about the Mel Gibson tape that was released yesterday. Howard was hoping there would be another one today but there was no news about one coming out. Howard wanted to listen to yesterday's clip that they played. He said he had to hear how quickly he got to the ''cunt'' reference. It took longer than he thought it did. It was like 6 lines in. Howard played the whole call and picked it apart. Howard did his impression of Oksana and Mel. He said that chick is hot too. Howard said Mel used to be a good looking dude but he must be pissed now that he looks like shit. Howard said he thinks Mel looks worse than he does.
Howard said he got some pictures from Jimmy Kimmel's party and in some he looks okay but in others he looks like Yasser Arafat. He didn't look good standing next to all of those good looking celebrities at the party.
Robin read a story about Paula Abdul's new TV show. That led to Howard talking about how awful the air guitar players are on America's Got Talent. Howard said that Piers Morgan was even saying it was awful but the other judges convinced him they were good enough to go through. Howard said that Piers was telling a lot of people that they were insane thinking that they could be popular in Las Vegas as a headliner. Howard said that Paula Abdul has no business being in that dancing show either. He said she didn't do any dancing. Robin said she did. She was the choreographer for some show. Howard said from what he's seen, she can barely walk at this point. He and Robin talked about the show Paula is going to be on and how awful Howard thinks it's going to be. He laughed when he heard Robin's description of the show. It's called ''Got to Dance.'' Howard said he watches these shows and he wants to scream. He said he hasn't seen Beth in 3 days because she doesn't want to be in the room when he watches America's Got Talent.
Howard said he has to have JD pull some audio from America's Got Talent of these guys talking about how they're going to be out on the street again if they don't win the show. He said of course they will, they're not trained for anything except dancing. He said you know they're not going to win. He said they get eliminated and they cry. Howard said he'd cry too. He said they're not even the best dancers after all of this practice. Howard said there are also mid-western women who get their kids into this stuff and they stand on the stage as their kids are performing. He said it's really fucked up.
Howard asked Robin what else she had but ended up talking more about America's Got Talent and some of the lame acts that have been on that show. He said they had one woman who was a hand whistler. He said there's no chance of that woman ever being a star in Las Vegas. He wonders if she's ever seen Las Vegas before.
Robin read that Al Pacino is doing Shakespeare in the Park and they're moving it to Broadway because it's been so popular. Howard said he wouldn't go see that. He said he wouldn't be able to stomach that.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey and some of the shows they're doing for her network. Howard said he imagines that the shows she mentioned are going to be pretty boring. Howard was very angry about these specials they were talking about. He said if he had invested in that channel he'd be really pissed off hearing about these specials.
Robin read some news about Lindsay Lohan and how some of the inmates are sick of her already. She's only been in jail for a few days now. Robin said that they say that she's in jail but they end up putting the whole facility on lock down if she moves around at all in there.
Robin read some news about Afghanistan and Pakistan. Howard went off on that story for a minute. He was very vocal about a lot of the stories Robin was reading this morning.
Robin read a story about the oil leak in the Gulf and how the head of BP is stepping down. She said that Hayward will be replaced.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there are about a million or two of them who are going to leave SIRIUS if he retires. He asked how many people really listen. Howard said it's like 50 million. He said he was making that up but everyone makes up their numbers on terrestrial radio. He said they claim to have been number one and he never saw them there. He said they make claims and the papers just print it without any interest.
Robin read some news about a benefit concert that's being played in Philadelphia with Aretha Franklin performing. Howard said he saw her out at dinner the other night and he almost said something to her. He said he wasn't sure if she wanted to be bothered though. Howard said she's not as big as she looks on TV. Howard said TV must put on 500 extra pounds. Robin said they saw her at the Matt Lauer roast and she was pretty large there. Howard said he walked around her and it only took about 30 minutes. He said she really is talented though.
Robin read some news about the Rolling Stones and how this latest tour may be their last. Howard said they have a great gig. He said they can go out and make money whenever they want and hang out the rest of the year. He said they have the best life ever.
Robin read that there is going to be a ''Real Wives Of DC'' show coming out. They have been leaking some footage and she had a clip of a woman irritating another woman by claiming that her husband had something to do with Obama's fame. Howard said he can't watch that show. He said they find maniacs and tape them. Howard said they're not normal.
Robin read about a new movie with Bruce Willis and Helen Mirren in it. Howard said ''Yuck'' to Helen Mirren until he heard what the movie was. He played some audio of her talking about why she likes coming to the United States.
Howard said there's some video of the cast of the new Avengers movie from Comic-Con and the people were cheering them. Howard said he likes those movies but he would never cheer for the guy who is playing Thor. Robin said that Steve Brandano was saying that you're supposed to be an obscure character when you go to those things because it shows you know even minor characters. That led to Howard and Robin talking about some of the interviews Steve did at Comic-Con like the one guy who was dressed up like a random Umbrella Corporation employee. Howard did an impression of those guys who wear masks to the Comic-Con things. He covered his mouth and made it very hard to understand what he was saying. They talked about that Darth Nihilus guy that Gary Garver interviewed a couple of years back.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of Paul Rudd talking about the new ''Dinner for Schmucks'' movie and how some people were upset about the title. Howard said he didn't even know that Rudd was Jewish. He told Fred he might want to save that name for a future ''Guess Who's The Jew'' segment.
Robin had some news about Tony Robbins and his TV show. Howard said he can't imagine being such a loser that he'd need this guy's help. Howard played some audio of the guy and said that he's a lying sack of shit. Howard wondered who gets motivated by this guy. He said that he doesn't know anything. Howard said the guy looks like a god damn ape too. He can't imagine being married to that guy. He complained about his voice too and asked who can listen to that. Howard said that you go to his house and you wouldn't feel so bad about going to Vegas and losing money. He said this guy gives a speech and gets to build a mansion.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to refute all of the points he was making about Tony. He said he has it all wrong. Howard asked if he has him walking on coal. He said he has done that. Howard asked what he does for Tony. The guy said he has been to some of his speeches. He said there are plenty of success stories and Tony helps you find that strength you need to be successful. Howard said he stands corrected then.
Robin said that he has people like Nelson Mandella, Margaret Thatcher, Mother Theresa, Princess Diana and others. Howard said that he probably just shook their hands. The caller said that Tony has been able to help people who have been in therapy for 20 years and get them out of that in 2 hours. Howard said he doesn't go to a psychiatrist to get motivated. The caller said it's not about motivation. He said that Tony Robbins isn't going to be able to help him out.
Robin read a story about some kids that called 9-1-1 while their mother was driving drunk. She was arrested and charged with DUI. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the IQ test thing. They're going to get the results on Thursday. Gary said that he thought it was odd that Robin and Howard wanted to change their bets this morning. He said they may have given too much away when they talked about how they've done on other tests. Jon said that they're just speculating right now. Gary said that they are changing bets though.
Jon had a clip from the show where Howard went off on Gary for asking him about the bet changes between Howard and Robin.
After that Jon and Gary talked about the bet changing and why Howard wanted to change based on the SAT scores. Jon said that there could be some correlation between the SAT and the IQ tests. Gary said that his score was 150 points lower than Jason's so he may come in lower than Jason. Jon said it all depends on the subjectivity in the testers and things like that. He said that it's good that they all took the IQ tests with the same tester.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this might be the best bit ever. He said he wants to see if Sal does worse than any of the wack packers. The caller said he thinks that High Pitch Eric could beat Sal. He said he thinks he's smarter than they think he is. Gary said he's not retarded but he thinks that he's of ''diminished mental capacity.''
The caller said that Sal really doesn't know a lot of general knowledge stuff. Jon said that he could have done well in the other sections of the test though so you never know.
Jon asked Gary how he thinks Sal will do against Jeff. Gary said he thinks that Sal could come in higher than Jeff. He asked Jason if he would take Sal to beat Jeff with 10 points. Jason said he doesn't think that Jeff is dumb. He said he thinks that it would be very close between the two of them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary how much time they have planned to spend on this bit because it sounds so good. Gary said they have the whole morning open on Thursday. Gary said he's more psyched that they're going on vacation after that. He said that it's going to get weird and ugly and he's going to want to leave. Then Gary corrected himself and said they're not on vacation next week.
The guys talked about JD taking the test and where they think he'll come in. Jason said that you have to do a lot of oral answers and he's not sure how JD will come out in that.
The guys went over who they think will do well on the test and who won't. They know that Wendy the Retard won't do well. Gary gave the IQ tests numbers and what is average and what's ''superior'' and things like that. Gary said he told a story on the show before about living with a woman who wrote a column for a magazine and she's known as the world's smartest person. She had an IQ over 200. Gary said he moved into the apartment and the maintenance man came in and showed him the power was off on the switch on the wall. He said the guy told him that even the World's Smartest Woman wasn't able to figure out the exact same problem. That made him feel better.
Ralph called in and said that he took the test and it was fun and interesting to him. Gary said that they say that 68 percent fall in below average on the IQ tests. Ralph said that they were doing math problems and he wouldn't try to do it in his head like some people do. He said he'd have paper and pencil in there with him.
Gary said that there was one part of the test that was really tough and he was losing his mind trying to figure it out. Ralph and Gary talked about how the tried to trick you with some of the questions.
Ralph said he's willing to stick by the results too. He said the way the test was done was very good and it's a good mix of stuff. He said if he scores at a dummy level he's just going to accept it. Ralph said that he and Gary can keep their bet. He said that he thinks that they're going to be close but he hopes that he'll beat Gary out.
Ralph said he thinks that they should really bet like a horse race and bet on who would be first, second... last. Gary said that he thinks that they should bet on how much smarter than Sal or Jeff will be over one another.
Ralph said they could really do a lot with this trying to bet on everyone. He said that he had no idea what the test was going to be like until he took it.
The guys talked about some of the stuff that was on the test and how they worked through it. Ralph said he was counting off his fingers at some points. Jason said they'll be hearing about where they did good and where they did bad in the tests too. The doctor will be giving them details on that stuff. Ralph said he choked a couple of times. Gary said he did too.
Jon said that maybe he and Will will work on some betting lines for Thursday. Gary said that they could go over the test and what was in it but they may be doing other tests with some people like KC and Steve Grillo.
Jon let Ralph go and took another call. The caller said they should have people take the Mensa test. Jon said that he's not sure anyone there would do well on that test. Gary said he thinks that you have to be over a 120 IQ to take the test. Jason said it's kind of douchey to be in Mensa.
Another caller said that he wondered why Howard was so bitter at the end of the show today. He wondered if it had something to do with the show possibly coming to an end. Gary said he was just in one of those moods today. He said that he doesn't think that it has anything to do with SIRIUS.
Another caller said she thinks that they should be careful with their bets. She said that there's always an episode of TV shows where the idiot gets the high score. Jon said that's just on TV though. No one thinks that Sal is going to be getting a high score. The woman said that she knew what Sal was up to when he was a stockbroker so she knows his record. She said she never had to work in boiler rooms like he did. Gary said that Sal got out of those jobs when he found out what was going on. The caller said she works in the compliance part of the business and she can see people's history. She said she never would have hired Sal based on that. Gary said Sal claims he has a clean record. She said that it goes away after 2 years. Gary said Sal claims that he had a clean record even when he was working in the business. The caller said one of the firms that Sal worked for marked up his record when he was leaving.
Sal came in and said that he knows what she has access to and he has no marks on his license. He said he never had anything against a client. She said he did have some marks on his record from the places he worked for. Sal said there was one thing that was with the one firm only. He said he left the firm and they wanted their money back. They sued him for the money and he paid them back.
Shuli joked about the woman on the phone sounding like a man. Sal said that she sounds like she smokes a muffler. She said she actually worked at ground zero so she has some breathing problems.
Jon asked Sal if he's worried about the IQ test thing. Sal said that people are getting off on the fact that they might have higher scores than him like they're going to be better people. Gary said that's what Sal would be doing if he had a high IQ.
Jason said he thinks that Sal will beat Richard. He said he thinks that he's smarter than he comes off on the air. He asked if he really tried on the test or did he just give up. Sal said he really tried. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who is most likely to cry over the IQ test results. Gary said that Sal might be one of those. Jon said he thinks that Jason may get emotional if he gets a low score. He said that Scot DePace would mock him endlessly if he got a low score. Gary said he wouldn't cry. Jon said that Ralph won't cry. Shuli said he agrees that Jason would take it the hardest. Gary said that DePace would take it hard but he won't show emotion. Shuli said Sal would cry with tears of joy if he beat Gary.
Jon moved on to talk about Steven Adler. He said that he was in a good mood when he came in. Gary said that Steven's speech is much clearer now and he's been taking speech therapy. Gary said that he sounds better because of that and because he's not drinking anymore.
Jon talked about how Steven had stories about the guys he would bang chicks next to. Jason thought that the list of who he was next to was more impressive than who he had slept with.
Jon said you can only imagine what life is like to be in Guns N Roses. Sal said he can only imagine. Jon said that Steven lucked out with Guns N Roses and then got kicked out of the band. He wondered what was harder for him, getting kicked out by his mom or out of the band. Jason and Shuli said they think that getting kicked out by the band was really tough. Gary said getting kicked out of your house at 11 can scar you for life.
Gary asked if they talked about a Guns reunion. Jason said they did talk about that but it sounds like Steven wouldn't be able to do it. Shuli said he's not sure it would work if they did get back together. He said they had it great when they were a band but it might be disappointing now if they got back together. Jason said he'd be first in line to get tickets to see that reunion.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't believe the story that Steven told about taking the 100 valium and the heroin and all of that. Jason and Gary said that some guys, like Artie and Steven, are able to do that and not die. There are some people out there who can survive that. They spent a little time talking about Sal and his Baba Booey 20th Anniversary special before ending the show.
Howard started the show talking about the Johnny Fratto and Eric the Midget phone call. He said he knew there was more to it. He said they're mining out the good parts from the long call. Howard said Eric carries on like he's Tom Cruise. He said he's carrying on about the dates for the shooting of ''Fringe'' and his major problem seems to be that the date was too close. He had 9 days to get there.
Howard said that someone wrote in about Eric and said that he's being a pussy about flying. The person has the same condition as Eric and he can fly.
JD came in and said that the main thing is that they're worried about the passport thing and getting their identity stolen or something. Howard said they have a lot of weird fears. Howard said they also act like Johnny needs them. He said they threaten to drop him if he doesn't do his job right and stuff. Howard said that Eric is carrying on like he's the biggest star in the country.
Howard played a clip of Johnny talking to Eric and asking if he could have fun. Eric said he didn't see it as fun. Eric's roommate, Jann, was telling Eric he was done and he wasn't going to go. Then Eric tells Johnny that he screwed himself by acting the way he was acting toward Jon. Johnny told Eric that he knows a few people who are more important than Eric and Jon. He's not making money off of Eric and Jon. Johnny told Jon to shut the fuck up and that he's a fucking retard. Johnny is trying to help Eric out by giving him a future and they're treating him like crap.
Johnny asked Eric if he wanted to do the show or not. Eric said no so Johnny said he was going to call the woman at ''Fringe'' and tell her no. Eric was 100 percent positive that he didn't want to do the show at that point.
Howard said he doesn't get why Eric wants to act but then he wants to turn down acting jobs. Robin said she doesn't get why Howard and Johnny put up with Eric with all of this stuff.
Howard played more of the call and Johnny was telling Eric that this was going to cause a shit storm if he turned down the acting job. He said he's going to have to be a doctor or something other than an actor. Eric said he didn't want to be an actor anymore anyway. Then Eric said that he'd do it. Johnny asked about Jon. Eric told Johnny to just call. He said that he didn't want to hear from Stern. Jon said he's not going to do this passport thing over the web.
Robin said that Jon sounds like he's out of his mind. She wasn't sure why he was so upset. She said all they did was tell him to get a passport. Robin asked if he's had bad experiences on the internet. Howard said maybe he's had a lot of issues with Eric. Howard said that Johnny and Eric might be the crazy ones and he's the voice of reason. He might think that Eric isn't an actor and he has no business doing this. He's the normal one who should be yelling about all of this nonsense. Howard said he's not the Make a Wish foundation.
Robin wondered why Eric mentioned his Dad in that clip. Howard said that everyone knows about it not being a legitimate thing other than Eric and Johnny. He said it's the greatest soap opera ever.
Howard played more of the audio and Johnny was telling Eric that he was going to get Jon a role in the TV show. Eric said he didn't care about that and this wasn't going to work because they didn't have enough time. Then Eric said he was out and done again. He told Johnny to tell them no. Johnny asked Eric what he's going to do if they go through with the motions... Eric cut him off and said that there is only one way to do this and it's his way only.
Howard said there are celebrities who have less demands than Eric does. Howard said he got this note from a guy who said that Eric can fly. He said he knows that people can bring the oxygen concentrator that he needs on the plane. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with that but this is the funniest negotiation ever.
Howard played more of Johnny and Eric arguing about this whole thing. Eric said if they want him so badly up there then they're going to do it his way or no way.
Howard said that the only normal person is Jon because he's he one who knows that this is all horse shit and this isn't a real actor. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Eric is traveling with an iron lung or something. Howard said he does have medical issues. The caller said he didn't like Eric before but yesterday converted him.
Howard said Eric finally got an acting job and then he backs out of it. Howard said a lot of people have dream jobs like that and they back out. He did the same thing when he got on radio at first.
Another caller said he can imagine what this guy Jon has to put up with. He said he's the guy who has to put up with this nonsense all the time. Howard said he has to move Eric around and help him do everything. Robin said that Johnny was the one making sense saying that this was a great way to get out of the house. They can go out and have fun shooting a TV show and they're just complaining. Robin said that they have to do a lot to get Eric out of there though so that's why Jon is complaining. Howard said this is fun for Eric but not Jon. He said that Eric and Johnny are the insane ones in all of this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this midget is the most annoying midget he's ever heard. He said no one should hire this guy. Howard said there are more clips coming up later. He said Gary is listening to some of them now. Howard said that Eric is the insane one and Jon is the normal guy. Johnny is the guy who knows how funny all of this is and that's why he's taping it.
Howard said Johnny is talking to a real production company and he thinks that if it actually gets shot, it'll be a miracle.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eric is the most ungrateful mother fucker he's ever heard. He said that Johnny is going out of his way to do all of this and he's not even getting paid. Robin said that it's ridiculous that anyone even offered Eric a role.
Howard said he figures that Wendy the Retard will be the lowest of the IQs. He said that High Pitch Eric is in there too but he won't be that low. Howard said he found out that the lowest IQ score of everyone that was tested was a 61. That's mild retardation. They figured that was going to be Wendy the Retard. The people taking the test were Jeff the Drunk, High Pitch Eric, Wendy the Retard, Gary Dell'Abate, Jason Kaplan, Scott DePace, Ralph Cirella, Sal Governale, Richard Christy and JD Harmeyer.
Howard said that the highest score in the testing was 122. He said that's like ''very superior intelligence.'' Howard said that they don't know who that person is. This is just a teaser for tomorrow's show. Howard said they could have had a tie or scores very close to that. He said they won't know until tomorrow.
Howard said they can take bets on the test results tomorrow. They can do some point spreads and things like that. They can have people like Wendy the Retard vs. High Pitch Eric in the bets and they can give point spreads on that. They could give Wendy a 25 point spread or something like that. Gary said that was a great bet.
Howard went through some bets that they could take with the point spreads. He had Wendy up against Sal with a 35 point spread. Robin said that wasn't right. She said she might take Wendy in that.
Gary said that they could have Jeff vs. Sal with a 10 point spread. Howard said he bets that there isn't a 10 point spread there. Robin said some of these aren't going to be easy. Howard said someone there has an IQ of 122. He said that he could take bets on who that would be. Gary said he'd go with Jason. Gary said he can't believe that Scott DePace would be that person. Howard said he's pretty sure it's not Gary. He said that Gary crows about how he was a genius in his book. He said that his opinion of Adelphi is very high in there and that's not right. Gary said he didn't crow about it.
Gary said that he never said any of that stuff. Howard said he does and he thinks he's smarter than he is. Howard said he's crowing about it and his opinion of himself is very high. Howard said when he lays down at night he knows that he's an idiot. Jeff the Drunk told Gary to put his IQ test on the back of his book. Robin said he should charge for his book whatever his IQ is.
Howard said that people think that Jason is the one who is going to have the 122 IQ. Scott DePace got on mic and said he thinks that could be his score. Howard asked Jon Hein who he thinks will be the highest. Jon never got a chance to answer. Howard said that Gary has done very well with games and stuff so he might be right up there. Scott said he thinks that he could have beaten Gary in some of the parts of the test but not others. Howard told him to put his money where his mouth is and put some bets down. He said he should bet $1,000 if he thinks he's smarter than Gary. Scott said that he was very stressed when he took that test and it was a long time ago. Gary said it was like a month ago.
Howard said that Scott asked him what one of the questions was in the test and said that no one would know that. Howard knew the answer. Scott said it was the author of a book. He said it's ridiculous what they ask. Gary said that he's like Sal saying that he doesn't need to know the stuff he doesn't want to know.
Robin said that Ralph said yesterday that it was going to be impossible to live with him if he gets a high score. Howard said he can't take the test because he wouldn't come back to work if he came in too low. Gary said he may not come back from vacation depending on his score.
Gary asked Howard who he thinks could have that 61 IQ. Howard said High Pitch might be down there but he's sure it's Wendy. Howard said that's pretty high even for Wendy though. Howard said that 25-35 is severe mental retardation according to the list he had. Howard said the bets are going to be tough. He said with the point spreads they have to really think about it.
Howard said that he's not sure Jeff the Drunk is going to beat Sal. Jeff thinks he will. Howard said he could give Jeff 10 points against Sal. Robin said she might take that bet. Robin said she doesn't think Jeff is retarded but he might be low average and Sal might be average.
Gary asked Howard what number is going to make him think twice about having someone work for him. Howard said he can't take anyone seriously who has an IQ lower than superior intelligence. Howard said he took an IQ test when he was in school and he should have been up there based on the other kids he went to school with.
Howard said the show is going to be great tomorrow when they start taking the bets. He told Jon to set up some point spreads for them. Jon said he'd do that. He said that a lot of people like Jeff in the points against Sal. Robin said she thinks that Jason is going to be the top score. She said she gives Scott such a problem is because he doesn't have the ability to accept new material and assimilate. Scott said that's bullshit. He said they're the ones who aren't willing to listen to his opinion. He said maybe they're the dumb ones and he's the smart one.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks Scott did better than 80-89. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to hear who was ''dull'' and things like that. Will has been working with the person on all of this so he has the numbers. Will said that this is the greatest conversation ever. Howard asked if some people came in ''dull'' or ''feeble minded.'' Will wasn't giving all of the details. Robin said they might need to wait to go over all of this. They might spoil something for tomorrow.
Howard asked Will about some of the test results and Will said that he's never going to want to take this test based on the results. He said some people are going to be very upset over the results. He said there are some surprises in there. Gary asked if anyone is trying to get information from him. Will said that DePace called him last night. DePace said he was calling about golfing. He said he wasn't trying to get the results.
Howard said he's going to save this for tomorrow's show. He let Jeff the Drunk go and said he'd see him tomorrow. Jeff is coming in. Howard said it would be great if Jeff beat out Sal and Richard. He said that would be a headline.
Howard said looking at the simple results they now know that someone is twice as smart as the lowest score. Howard said that might help with the point spread when they make the bets. Robin said she thinks that the best match up is Sal and Richard. Howard said he's pretty sure that would be even odds.
Tabitha said she knows Steven and the first time she was on the show she was with Steven when she came on the show. Steven was claiming that he had sex with her in the green room on the show. Tabitha said she didn't have any sexual contact with him at all. She said she was married at the time. Tabitha said she told all of the guys that she wasn't going to do anything. She said that they all jerked off in front of her though. She said that this was in the limo. She said there was a guy from a magazine and some other guys in the limo and they all jerked off to her. Howard asked if Steven jerked off too. Tabitha said she's glad that Steven is getting his shit together. She said that Steven would be the last one to leave the limo and he'd ask to see her ass and he'd jerk off every time they were out together.
Tabitha said she got blasted on Twitter yesterday because of the story Steven told. Howard said he would be freaked out to jerk off in front of other guys in the car. Robin said that they were all apparently having sex in front of each other all the time.
Tabitha told Howard she remembers helping Steven clean up his mess after he'd jerk off. She said that the reporter would do some kind of weird thing with his penis in the car too.
Howard asked if they ever gave her a spider web. She didn't know what that was so Howard explained it as being like Spider-Man throwing a web on her with their load.
Tabitha said there are 3 guys who have been on the show claiming that they had sex with her. She said that Johnny Fairplay was one and Bubba the Love Sponge was another one. She said she denied it and she thinks Bubba is upset with her over that.
Howard said he remembers having Tabitha in a hotel room and she really didn't do sexual shit for anyone. He said he was kind of proud of her for that. Howard said he thought she was going to make moves on him but she never did. Tabitha said she was scared of Howard. Howard figured it was just his looks. Tabitha said that she loves Howard and she does things for the show because she loves it. She said she wants to make it fun for the fans of the show.
Howard asked Tabitha if she's married. She said she is. She's still in the porn business. She said that she's been shooting more and just shot her first interracial scene. She said that comes out in September and the movie is called Sanatorium. She said she's only done about 20 movies since she came back. Howard said she once blew Big foot and had sex with Jeff the Drunk. Gary said that she had anal with Jeff. Tabitha said he wasn't able to get it up to get it in there. She said it shriveled when she put the condom on him. She said she took matters into her own hands and jerked him off. Howard asked Tabitha how many guys she's been with. She said she counted once and it was over 100.
Howard asked Tabitha if she wanted to plug anything. She said TabithaStevens.com. Howard let her go a short time later. He and Robin spent a little time talking about how nuts it was with Steven Adler and the reporter jerking off in the limo together.
Howard read some more mail about yesterday's show and how upset Gary got with them when they decided to cancel their bets.
Howard said he got a lot of negative mail about Eric the Midget too. Howard said he loves listening to Eric so he doesn't care.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eric is the greatest. He said he stays true to who he rally is. Robin said that when he's trying to be nice you know that he's faking it.
The caller asked if JD has ever thanked him for helping him get the kind of tail he's getting. Howard said he hasn't. Today he was walking into work and talking to Ronnie about the stripper that JD is dating. Ronnie said that he was hoping that the news team wasn't going to ruin it for him. Howard said that he told Ronnie that JD wouldn't have that kind of pussy if he wasn't on the show.
JD came in and thanked Howard for everything because without him he wouldn't have any of this. the caller told him he should go to temple with Howard and Sandra and pray that he can keep doing it.
The caller also asked Howard to sign on and do two more years and then maybe knock the show back to a later time in the day. Howard asked the caller if he would be pissed if he asked to take off all summer like a TV show. Howard said he has two choices. He could just leave or he could stick around and not work all Summer. He could give 15-20 hours a week of entertainment. The caller said that's not reasonable. Howard said he'll leave then. The caller told him to take summers off but he has to do the show the way it is now.
Howard asked why he can't start the show later. The caller seemed to be okay with that. He said that Howard has been doing 4 hours a day for years.
Howard asked why they're willing to watch TV and let them take off summers. The caller said that he can't compare to TV shows. Howard asked what his favorite TV show was. The guy picked ''Modern Family.'' Howard asked if he could do 30 minutes a week and take off summers. The caller said he can't compare to that. Howard said he can give 15 hours a week. The caller said he's going to take whatever he can get but he wants more than Howard is willing to give. Howard joked that this guy's accent wasn't real and it was actually Mel Karmazin trying to negotiate with him on the phone. He was just kidding and said that he's going to have to see what happens.
The caller told Howard to try and help Mike Gange get laid. Howard said he gets some here and there. Howard said he is a loser's loser though.
The caller asked if he squeezes her to see if he can make cottage cheese. Howard said of course he does. He said she's in great shape right now. Howard said he likes that she does Triathlons and stuff.
Howard said he's in his mid-50s right now so it's about to get late in the game for him. He said that Beth is aging beautifully. He said by the time he's 78, she'll be the age he is now. He said that she'll still be the hottest thing in the world for him by then. He said that no one will be attracted to him by then, except for his wife. He said he thinks that he'll be in good shape by then.
Howard said he is a fickle guy and he's shallow as hell. He said he has no right judging anyone's looks when he looks the way he does. He said he forgets sometimes just how bad he looks. Howard said you have to look at Beth's mother to see if she still looks good. He said he has to ask if he'd bang the mother. He said if he thinks he could then maybe Beth will look good at that age too.
Howard said he thinks he's in good shape and he's taking Beth out to dinner tonight. He hasn't seen her for 4 or 5 days. They're going to unite and get reacquainted.
Howard said that he put in some new TV equipment in his house. He said that Steve Brandano gave him his copies of ''Resident Evil'' and ''Resident Evil Apocalypse.'' He said he put them in to play and he got errors. He said he just had this new equipment put in and he figured he did something wrong. He popped the disc out and put it back in. He said it still didn't work. Howard said he put in the copy of Iron Man and it wasn't working either. He said they had tested it with that disc. He said that he wrote about 15 letters to the people who installed it all. He said that's when he started throwing things.
Robin said that they keep adding in glitches into all of this technology. Howard said he has people to just test to see if his stuff is working. None of it works and no one tested it. He said he can't watch TV. He said he paid more money for that than it would take to fix Haiti and he can't even watch a movie.
Gary said that JD just handed him something. He said that there is more Mel Gibson stuff. He said that he apparently made 30 calls in 24 hours to Oksana. Gary said they have a bunch of voice mails and stuff to play. Howard told Gary to have JD set up a page and give him a log of what he has. He said he'll play it after getting to Lisa G. He said that he wants that ready in 10 minutes. Gary didn't seem sure he could make that happen. Howard told Gary to send Mel a thank you note too. He said that he loves all of this stuff.
The caller asked Howard if he washes his hands before he pees. Howard said he doesn't do that but he does wash his hands before he masturbates. He said he gets hard when he sees soap now. He said that he gets really freaked out when he thinks about the germs from money.
Howard said he's a nut and he has to get away from that shrink. He said his whole life is America's Got Talent now. He said that he goes nuts seeing the people they put through on that show. He said Piers is the only one who kicks anyone off. He said they put the Air Guitar playing guys through to the semi-finals. He said that makes him crazy.
Howard had to go to break but he wanted to talk about Bob Barker going off on Drew Carey and the Mel Gibson tapes. Howard ended up talking about Scott Greenstein hanging out back there in their area. He said that Scot was talking about how great the company is doing. He said he kept his mouth shut but he wanted to ask him what the fuck is up with the stock being worth nothing then. He said he wanted to ask about that but kept his mouth shut.
Gary said he had a meeting with a financial guy and the guy lit up when he said he had some stock options. He said he had to tell the guy that if the stock went up 6 bucks, he'd only owe a dollar. Gary said that they are doing better than they were a year ago when the stock was at 5 cents. It's now hanging around a dollar. That is pretty damn good compared to a year ago. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and listened to some of the Lady Gaga song. Robin was singing along to it too. Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about how Jon Hein has gotten an insulin pump that makes it possible for him to get insulin without taking shots. Howard said it seems that a lot of people are born with Diabetes these days. He said that there's too much breeding going on. This should be bred out of people.
Howard asked Jon where this comes from. Jon said it is genetic but it didn't come from his parents. He said his uncle had it. Howard asked Jon what would happen if he didn't have insulin. Jon said he would die. Howard asked if nature wants people to die. Robin said that would be natural selection. Jon said he's lucky to be there. Howard said he might be ruining the rest of us.
Jon said he didn't get it until he was 27. He wasn't sure what it even meant at the time. Jon showed Howard the pump and said that he has to take it off for a shower. He said that every diabetic has to take 4-5 shots a day. It all sucks but it's also keeping him alive.
Howard said that only 3 million people have type 1 diabetes like Jon and Steve Brandano have. Jon said he's sure it'll get worse as time goes on. He said more people will end up with it.
Howard said that life isn't bad enough, now Jon has to walk around with a pump. Jon said he resisted for a long time but it is the best way to take care of his diabetes. He said this pump acts more like a pancreas does. He said it gives you insulin in small amounts all day long.
Howard asked if there are any benefits to being a diabetic. Jon said that when he's on an airplane he can ask for food and get it immediately. He said that's one benefit. Howard said that he will have to start using that himself. Howard said he was hoping that he'd have a super power or something. Jon said there are no super powers. Howard asked if he can sneak weed in his bag. Jon said that he probably could but he doesn't do that.
Howard said he likes having bad vision because if people are staring at him in a restaurant, he can take his glasses off and not see anyone. He said he'd like to be able to take a Hearing Aid out so he doesn't have to hear anyone talking.
Lisa said that the Stern Show softball team has made it into the playoffs. She also said that Gary is working hard on his upcoming book ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' He's still got some work to do but the final draft is due at the end of August. Howard asked if he has to read it again. Gary said he doesn't. He said he's done his part already and he can wait until the book comes out.
Howard said he gave the book to Beth and told her to tell him what to say to Gary. He said that she read like 2 pages and gave up. Howard said that he's convinced that everyone has a book out now that Gary is writing one.
Howard did his impression of Gary telling his stories in the book. He goofed on him about the jobs he had before getting to work there with them. Howard said Gary is all proud of that but it's really not a big deal. He said that they say that everyone has a book in them. He said not everyone should. He said it's a complete misconception.
Lisa said she thinks that Ronnie has a book in him. Howard said Ronnie thinks that Lisa wants him. He said Ronnie thinks that he could change her by having sex with her. Howard told her to just do it so they can find out.
Howard said that if you went to Adelphi and had a job at a record store and ended up on this show, you don't have a book in you. Howard did more of his impression of Gary and goofed on him about the stories in his book. He went on and on about Gary's many stories and how he talks about how hurt he was about the ''take me back'' tapes and things like that.
Howard said that people will buy this book. They're not going to believe any of this stuff. He said that he wants everyone to buy the book and underline their favorite 5 lines. They'll have some fun with that. He stayed in his Baba Booey voice and continued to tell story after story from the book. Fred threw in some Baba Booey song parodies too.
Howard talked about Gary's Adelphi years and how Gary was saying he could have gone to the University of Texas. Howard said people are going to love this book. He said that it proves that not everyone has a book in them.
Howard said Beth passed out and he had to give her insulin to revive her. He said she has diabetes from reading the book. Howard said they are going to have a lot of fun with this book. Fred played another Baba Booey song parody. Gary said he thinks he knows how Robin felt when Jackie was doing the interpretive readings of her book.
Gary said that Howard can't remember anything but right now he's remembering everything from his book. Howard said he's Suma Cum-Laude in Baba Booey. Howard said he read an early version of the book but he will buy the book when it comes out so he can underline the stuff he likes. Gary said the book is coming out November 2nd. Howard said that's good because he's leaving in December. Gary said he may push the release out until after he's gone.
Gary told Howard they have to get to the Mel tapes and get to this contest they have going on. He said they have to do it today. Howard told Gary not to get him off of this subject. Fred played another Baba Booey song parody. Howard said that was enough of that. He told Gary that his book will be a best seller. He said he couldn't put it down because he couldn't believe it. Gary said this is the definition of a back handed compliment but he's going to take it.
Howard let Lisa go after that and tried to move on as Fred was playing another Baba Booey song parody. Howard ended up talking about Gary's proposal to Mary as Gary. He said he can't wait for Fred to read the book. Fred said he's going to love every word of it. He figured he'd end up underlining every line in the book. Howard said he can't do that. He has to pick out some favorite lines.
Howard said he knows a lot about Gary after reading the book. He said he was sitting there reading it and figured that he would still be a janitor if he hadn't gotten the job with them.
Howard said crazy people make 30 phone calls to the same person in 24 hours. Robin said that's definitely a disturbed person. Howard read the stats about the messages and how many times he dropped the f-bomb and stuff like that.
Howard said the first call that came in around 10:30 at night. He said the calls went on for about 4-5 hours. Howard had to do some math because the times were listed in military time. Howard said that he appears to have gone up until about 3 in the morning.
Howard played the clips of the calls and the first one was Mel just grunting and not even talking. Then in another call Mel is going off on Oksana about their maid and how he doesn't want her working for her, only for him. He told her to call him back so they can talk about their terms of separation. He cursed her out in that one too.
Howard played one from 2:29am where Mel calls Oksana a whore and a bitch because she wasn't picking up. Howard can't imagine why she wouldn't want to pick up on a guy who is going to call her a whore and a bitch. Howard said he called back 2 minutes later. In that clip Mel called her some more names and went off on her about her face at the tree ceremony. He was pissed about the way she acted there. He said she was down there looking like a ''spoiled cunt.' He said everything about her stinks.
Howard said Mel doesn't really curse that much in his movies. He's got a mouth on him off the screen. Howard played another one where Mel called about 5 minutes after the last one. He was still pissed that she wasn't picking up. Then he called back 2 minutes later and said he was going to stop being mean. Mel said that she's calling him something that he's not and he doesn't care. He hung up on her. Then a few minutes later he calls back and goes off on her saying she's like a rat leaving a sinking ship. He said that's her M.O. He left a short message and hung up again.
Howard said at 3 in the morning Mel calls again. In that clip Mel starts to yell at Oksana about being thankless and being a slut. Mel told her to never sleep again. He said that she has fucked him up and repeated that a few times. He said that she ''shat on me'' and said that he was really angry at her for wasting his time. Mel said she was a waste of his fucking time. Then he said that she's just an ordinary cunt and her talent is just as ordinary. Mel said that she's not good at her job and she fucks up everything she does when she does it live. He told her she has to be flawless when she does her job. Howard said this was Mel's way of complimenting himself. Mel told Oksana to do her best at whatever she does best. He wasn't sure what that was. He said that it must be ''deception'' and hung up.
Robin said she read her book. She said that she listened to President Obama reading his book but she almost drove off the road.
Gary is going to do an audio book too but they will have other people reading as well as him. Howard said he thinks Gary should read it all. He said he owes it to them to read it all.
Howard said they have the big IQ test results coming up tomorrow. Robin said that they could do this in a way that they don't give the IQ test results. They could do an elimination type of thing where they have people standing there and tell them that they didn't have the highest score.
Will came in and said that they have a lot of categories that they can judge on too. Howard said he doesn't want to get into that. Howard said they can bet on who had the 122 IQ and things like that. He said they can bet on who got over 100 and if certain people did better than others. He said it could get pretty crazy. Will said that the doctors want to be on the phone during this thing too. Dr. Sitt and Dr. Muggli will both be on. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said they had a lot of the crew in the studio in front of microphones. They have a few superfans coming in soon and they will be going up against the crew. Howard said they needed 3 of their guys to go up against 3 of their superfans. Howard said that Gary was going to do it but they wanted Fred to do it too. Then they suggested Jon Hein and some of the guys were wondering why that was. He said that other guys think they know more about the show than Jon does. Howard said they want to test some of the guys on their knowledge.
Howard said they had Sal the Stockbroker there. Sal said he's been listening since the NBC days. Jim McClure said he's been working for them since 1989 or so. He thinks he knows more than the rest of the guys. Richie Wilson from Howard TV was there too. He said he won the last Stern Staff trivia contest. Brian Phelan was also there and he said he has been a listener for 23 years. Benjy said that he's been listening since 1996. Tim Sabean said he knows the most about the show. Then there was Jason who said he's not known life without the Stern show.
Howard said they're going to quiz all of those guys. If they don't know an answer, they have to get out. Howard said that Jon Hein refuses to participate in this. Gary said he heard that they were going to have Gary, Fred and Jon for a general trivia contest. Then someone, who will remain anonymous, asked why Jon was part of it. Now Jon refuses to participate. Sal knew it was Jason who said he knows more.
Jon Hein came in and said that he was asked if he wanted to compete for the third spot and he was told that they were going to have this contest and he didn't want to do it. He said that he's either in or not. Jon said that if he has to compete then the other guys should have to compete too. He said he's going to bet that it's Richie Wilson who will win the third spot.
Howard asked Sal ''What is Howard's bulldog's full name?'' Bianca-Rebecca-Romijn-Stamos-O'Connell. Howard kicked him out. He got it wrong. Howard said that Jim might know. Jim said it was Bianca Romijn Stamos O'Connell Stern. He was right.
Howard asked Richie what year he graduated Boston University. Richie said he was getting the fuck out. He guessed 1968. Howard asked if anyone knew. Brian Phelan knew.
Howard asked Benjy what football player Stuttering John lost to in a foot race. Benjy didn't know. Howard told him to get the fuck out. Everyone would yell ''Get the fuck out'' when someone would get an answer wrong. Howard asked Tim the same football player question. He thought it was L.T. He got it wrong and was told to get the fuck out. Howard asked Jason the same question and got it right with Marco Battaglia.
Howard asked which celebrity won Jeff the Drunk anal with Tabitha Stevens. Jim McClure didn't know. He told him to get the fuck out but told him to stick around just in case the other guys got it wrong. Brian knew the answer was William Shatner.
Howard asked which future whack packer was found on line at his book signing for Miss America. Jason knew it was Crackhead Bob.
Howard asked Brian who they were talking about when the World Trade Center attacks were first reported on. It was Pam Anderson.
Howard asked a question about one of the Howard TV guys but they discounted that question. Howard asked Jason what high school Howard graduated from. It was South Side but Jason thought it was Rockville Centre. Howard asked Brian what the name of the black reporter was at NBC that he created. Brian said it was ''Mama-Licka-Boobooday.'' Brian thought it was spelled that way but Howard said it's actually Mamalookaboobooday.
Howard asked a question about the band that Howard did a spoken word opening for. It was Blue Oyster Cult and Jason knew it. Howard asked who Gary replaced when he started working at NBC. It was Boy Lee and Brian knew that one.
Howard asked Jason how old Kenneth Keith Kallenbach was when he died. Jason said 36. Brian said 30. It was 39.
Howard asked about what Henry Hill said to Lisa G when she thought he said he wanted to cum in her face. Both of them knew it was about a caramel macchiato but Howard wanted an exact quote. They were both close.
Howard said he wanted to throw both of them out of there. He asked Jason what rock legend's wife let Howard touch her boobs. Jason thought it was Carmen Electra. Brian said it was Trudy. It turns out it was Sharon Osbourne.
Howard asked what time slot he had at WNBC. Jason thought it was two time slots. He guessed it was from 2-6. He was wrong. Brian got it right with 3-7. Fred said they moved them at some point. Gary said that was at K-Rock actually. Brian won so he'll be the third staffer who will be competing against the fans. Howard told Jason to get the fuck out.
Howard told Jon he should have participated in this thing. Jon said he thought he was in. He said he was hoping that Jason would screw that up. He said that he missed a few of the questions and he was glad. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that this country is doomed. He said that he was reading a story about missing funds in Iraq. Nine billion dollars worth. He read the article to Robin. Howard said it was due to shoddy record keeping.
Howard said he also read that the President is going to be on The View. That rubs him the wrong way. He said he knows that he's just trying to campaign and he's trying to get women on his side. Howard said that he's got more important things to do than go on The View. He said he has to figure out where this 9 billion went to. He said the guy is talking about raising taxes and they can't even keep track of this money.
Howard said he heard about Bob Barker ripping into Drew Carey. He said he liked Bob and what he's done for animals and stuff. He said that he doesn't get why he had to give Drew a hard time. Howard said Drew does an excellent job on The Price is Right. The guys at TMZ got an interview with Bob and he saw it last night. Howard said Bob was saying that he used to make the game exciting but Drew doesn't do that. Howard said he doesn't watch The Price is Right but his dad does. He said his dad swears by Drew Carey.
Howard did an impression of his dad talking about how great Drew is. He said his dad didn't like that Bob would have women stick their hand in his pants to grab money. Howard said he thinks that Bob stopped it after he talked about that on the air. Howard said Bob would just give the money to a man but he'd have women go into his pocket and grab it. He said that's kind of creepy or pervy depending on what you want to say.
Howard had some audio of this guy, Basil Marceaux, who is running for governor of Tennessee. He was on some show talking about what he wants to do if he gets into office. Howard said the guy is a big fat guy. The guy wasn't even able to say his own name clearly. Fred played some audio of 'Gina Man talking that sounded kind of similar to the guy running for office. Howard said that was the best. He said the guy was talking about the flag but it wasn't clear. The guy was also saying that he could plant grass in vacant lots or something but it wasn't clear why. Howard had to play it over again.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she didn't want to be on the air but she had to correct them on the name of Howard's dog. Howard said it was actually Bianca Jane Romijn Stamos O'Connell. Howard said he should know the name of his own dog.
Howard said they do contests there and they can't get them right. Howard said he has been calling his dog Beyonce. He said that it's just kind of morphed into that. He said it's kind of like a nickname for her. He used to call his daughter ''Mush Pants.'' He said he's not even sure why. Robin said that's what he should have named his dog then if he calls her Beyonce now.
Howard said he thinks this candidate Basil Marceaux is great. He said he's even better than Alvin Green. Howard replayed the clip and talked about how the guy looks like John Wayne Gacy. He said he has the bad moustache and all. He said he saw the video and it was pretty funny. The guy's name is Basil Marceaux. Howard analyzed all of the audio as it was playing. He said this guy is pretty radical after hearing some of this stuff. The guy said that he wanted to plant grass in vacant lots to sell for gas. Howard didn't understand that. He and Robin tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about. Then he said something about removing certain flags from the state. They had to try and figure out what that was all about too.
Howard played more of the audio and Fred started doing an impression of the guy because his speaking voice was very unique. Howard said it would be so great if he got elected. He said that's probably what they deserve down there in Tennessee.
Howard said he had some other weird candidates. He had one woman who is on the ballot and she has some words next to her name because you're allowed to have 5 words. She put ''Not the white man's bitch'' before her name. Howard said she's being questioned about that. Howard said he thinks they should let her do it so that would remind him not to vote for her. Howard played some news reports about that woman.
Howard said he didn't know that David Hasselhoff was going to have a reality show. He said he has that with his kids. Howard said he was on the number 1 TV show, America's Got Talent, and he blew it. Howard said he's promoting the reality show now but he works the word ''Hoff'' into everything. Howard played a report about that show and Hoff was saying it was all about his ''Hoffspring.'' Howard said he's glad he's not so desperate that he has to do a reality show. He said you have to be pretty desperate to do that kind of thing. He said it's one thing to be on The Jersey Shore but another when it's someone like David Hasselhoff. Robin said he did suggest the Osbourne show. Howard said that was when it was still original. He said he though it would be cool to see that family on camera. Now anyone gets a show.
Howard said he can't imagine walking around with a camera. He said that you'd have to make things happen. He said he'd just sit around playing chess all day. He said they'd have to take him out of his reality and put him in something interesting.
Robin said that Dee Snider is doing one too. Howard said everyone is. He said he'd rather just end it all before he'd do one. Howard said he'd end up blowing his brains out on camera if he was stuck in some reality show.
Howard said he just couldn't do it and look his kids in the eye. He said he'd have to ask them to go out and do something stupid and say one moronic thing after another. Then he said he would probably do it if he was that desperate. Robin said that she can see the pain in Bruce Jenner's eyes when he's on that Kardashian show. Howard said he looks so odd too and they drag him around like he's an asshole. He said it's like the field of broken dreams when you see him on that show. He said it's really sad. He had like 2 gold medals. Robin said it was just one. Howard said it was two. Now he's sitting around being bossed around by dummies and bimbos.
Howard said those gold medals are worth nothing obviously. Gary said that Bruce won the gold medals and set records for getting the most points. Howard said the guy just sits there defeated. He said the guy is like a dolt and did that awful plastic surgery to his face. Howard said he can't handle the fabricating shit with your family. He said he's not sure how they deal with that.
Howard said he's hooked on this ''The Real L Word'' show but only because Beth is watching it. He said that most of the women are kind of boring. He said there's just one who is fucking everything she can. Howard said they try to show how normal they are and two of them are planning their wedding. Howard said that whole thing is kind of funny and weird. He said it's weird enough when regular people get married and then they have two women wanting to get married and they're trying to do it in a traditional way. He said they should just go crazy. He said the show is boring but he's hooked into it.
Howard said he's all confused about that show. He said that he'd go really nuts with a gay wedding if he was gay. He said he'd be shot into his partner's asshole.
Howard said that Wendy Williams won and had the award on her show. Howard said he heard she had to send it back because they only have one like the Stanley Cup. Howard said he sees this Wendy Williams talking about how she won the Radio Hall of Fame award as one of the big reasons she calls herself the Queen of All Media. Howard said she's bragging about it but it's a farce. Howard said that it's a joke that Wendy was voted into the hall of fame before he was. Howard said he was the innovator and she followed him. You don't vote in the followers first. Howard said he doesn't want his fans voting for him. He said they do the votes on the internet and a really hall of fame wouldn't do that.
Howard said that he's going to call Bruce Dumont's answering machine and do his Mel Gibson impression as he rejects this award. Howard said he doesn't want to be in the radio hall of fame. He said that Imus is another one who goes around talking about how he's in that hall of fame. He said the guy is out of his mind.
Steve said that Dumont was saying that one of the categories was ''very close'' but he wasn't saying which one it was. Howard asked who is in his category. Steve didn't have that information. Steve said it could be this Carl Casell guy who has been on NPR for a long time.
Benjy found the list of people that Howard is up against. Bob Brinker was one guy. Howard said he's never heard of him. He's up against Carl Casell and Bob Kingsley as well. That's it. Howard said he hasn't heard of any of them. If that category is close then shame on everyone. Howard said it was laughable.
Steve said Howard has been nominated 4 times and he's never won. Gary said that Bob Kingsley has a web page and the first thing on there is a big link on the front page so he can win. Howard said he wants everyone in his audience to vote for Bob. He said they should give him his big win.
Gary said they have a clip from the show to play on the Radio Hall of Fame web site. Howard had Gary play that for him. Gary played the clip and Howard was talking about this woman who had a peanut allergy and she died after kissing a guy who ate some peanut butter. Gary said that wasn't Howard's best moment but they have even more dull moments from the other guys on that site. They played a clip of Bob Brinker boring the shit out of his audience. Howard said that his bit wasn't much better but that guy was really boring.
Howard wondered who was in the studio with them that day they were talking about peanut butter. Some people thought it was Artie but Robin didn't think that's who it was.
Steve Langford said that High Pitch Eric is continuing his online feud with this guy Craig. The guy is saying he's ready to go to the cops. Eric is also claiming that he's got Angel bugging him as well. He mentioned that Eric and Ivy Supersonic are going to be starting their new jobs soon for Bath Fitters soon too.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for the show and then Steve Brandano from the Intern Show came in and ran down what they were going to be doing tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Robin read a story about Oliver Stone and how he's apologizing for something he said. Howard said he saw him on the Bill Maher show and he seems like a mad man. Robin said he was giving an interview to a paper and claimed that the U.S. had fucked up foreign policy for years. He said he was sorry for what he had said.
Robin read a story about this kid who was in the show ''James at 15'' and how he was given probation after getting into some trouble. Robin said that the guy is now 49 years old. Robin said that people ask her if she thinks that Zac Efron has legs and if he'll keep working. Howard said he has no idea.
Robin read a story about Jack Hannah, the animal guy, going out on a hike with some people and running across a grizzly bear and her offspring. He had some pepper spray on him and he was able to get everyone to safety. Howard said the guy carries a pepper spray with him and probably even a rape whistle. Howard said he wished that the bear had eaten him. Robin said that Jack had to blast the bear twice before the bear turned around and ran off.
Robin read about the concert that Condoleeza Rice and Aretha Franklin played last night. Robin had some audio of that performance. Howard said ''Uh oh'' when he heard the clip. Something went wrong with Aretha's voice.
Robin read about a cow that had to be shot and killed when it escaped at a fair. They tried to get the cow into a corral but they ended up having to shoot it.
Ralph called in and said that if Richard beats him he's going to kill himself. He heard Steve mention that Sam Simon was picking Richard over him. Howard said that would be great if Richard beat him. Ralph said he would feel like an idiot if Richard beat him. He said he'd have to accept it too because they both took the test with the same person.
Howard told Ralph that the lowest score was 61 and the highest was 122. Ralph said he thinks that it's either him or Jason who got the 122. He said he had to have gotten a better score than Gary did because Gary is so dumb he gave away some of the questions on the Wrap Up Show.
Gary said he thinks that they're all underestimating Richard about how smart he is. He said that he might be ignorant but that's not the same as intelligence. Howard said he can't wait for tomorrow's show. He has a lot of bets to place. He asked Ralph about some point spread bets. They talked about where they think High pitch and Wendy the Retard are going to end up in the scores.
Howard asked Will about the ''Dull'' category and if anyone ended up in there. Will said that they did. That range is 80-89. Ralph said Gary could be in there. Gary said that he can hold a job and Ralph can't.
Will said that he might be wrong about the ''dull'' person. He said they do have someone in that range. He didn't want to give it all away though.
Howard asked if anyone is 70-79. Will said no. He said that there was someone in the 80-89 range. They were trying to figure out who that was.
Howard said that someone said that Gary is freaking out over this test. Gary said that he's been freaking out since the tests started. Sal is freaking out too from what the guys were saying. They were wondering how Beetlejuice would do in that test. Howard said that if they had Gary the Retard against Wendy that would be a good test. He said he thinks that Gary might win that one.
Will said there were some scores that surprised him. He said there was one higher than he thought and one lower. He said he was shocked by those. Howard said he can't wait to see if DePace is dull. Ralph said he just doesn't think well. DePace said he will beat Ralph by at least 10 points. Howard told him to bet him on that. Ralph said they'll bet tomorrow. Howard wanted them to do the bet now. Ralph took the $100 bet and said that he's going to win because he and Scott are going to be close even if Scott scored higher than him.
Howard asked Scott if he'll be wrecked if Gary beats him. Scott said no. He said that maybe it'll make Gary stop whining if Gary beats him. Gary said if he does beat Scott then Scott is going to discount the whole thing saying that it was all meaningless. Everyone agreed that he'd be doing that. Howard said he'd do it too. Howard said he'd demand a retest if he came in low. Will said it's great to hear this arguing when he knows the results.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about some people out in Nebraska who have settled a case against the ''God Hates Fags'' people. Shirley Phelps has sued over being arrested and they've settled with her for $17,000. Robin said she was upset about them settling with them. Robin said that they'll probably say that money is a message from God or something.
Robin said that Beyonce has topped Forbes list of top money makers for the second year in a row. Robin read that Britney Spears is still on the list too. She apparently made $64 million. Robin said she's out on tour and selling products like a perfume with her name on it. Miley Cyrus was on the list too. Robin rattled off a bunch of other celebrities that were on the list of people under 30 who are making the big money. Howard said he hates it when people that young are making millions. He said that there are people out there working their whole lives that don't make that kind of money.
Robin read a story about a painter who has bought some salvage boxes for 40 bucks a few years ago. It turns out it had some original photographs from Ansel Adams in the box. Howard told people not to get too excited because 99 percent of the time this doesn't happen when you buy a box of junk. Robin said they say that they could be worth $200 million. Howard said every maniac is going to go out and buy every box of crap they can find.
High Pitch Eric called in so Howard said tomorrow is going to be a big day for him. Howard asked Eric if he thinks that he's going to be in the ''dull'' category. Eric said he doesn't think that's him. Howard said he does. He said he'll shock him if he's not. Eric said that some of the questions were tough and he got stuck a couple of times. Robin said maybe Jeff the Drunk thinks he did well. Howard said they talked to him and he thinks he did well. Howard said he's going to be betting that Eric is ''dull.'' He told him not to disappoint him.
Eric told Howard that he's still working at the Hard Rock. He said he has a couple of days off to rest his hand. Howard said it's great that all he does is hold cups and he can't work because his hand hurts. Howard said they'll find out how the IQ tests went tomorrow.
Robin read a story about a woman whose daughter put Lysol in some Kool said that she gave to her mother. The woman called 9-1-1 and when they arrested the daughter she didn't seem remorseful. Howard said that he'd like to know what adult drinks Kool Aid.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that the more friends you have the longer you're likely to live. Howard said that his dad doesn't have any social life and he's getting up there in age. Robin said that he has his wife. Howard said he does have some friends at the track too. Howard said Ross Zapin has a ton of friends so he may live forever.
Robin read a story about the WikiLeaks.com leak of 90,000 documents about the Afghanistan war. Robin said they're wondering if this hurt the country. Howard said that no one read that stuff. He said that the whole world is jealous of this country and that's why they want it to end. He said that he's seen relatives that fuck up your nice house just because they're jealous. He said that's what Pakistan is like. They're the jealous relative.
Robin read a story about a poll that was done about President Obama and they found that his approval rating is down to about 48 percent. Robin also read that the President is going to Edison, New Jersey today. She read about where he'll be going and what he'll be talking about. He's also going to be on The View today. Howard wondered what they've earned to get him on their show.
Robin read a story about how kids are being affected by the poor economy. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that.
Robin read some news about the BP oil leak and how they're going to be trying to fill the line with concrete so it won't leak again. She also had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Zac Efron talking about a new movie he's in. Howard let that play for a few seconds before cutting him off. Howard said it sounds like he's tortured over the whole thing.
Robin had some news and clips from ''Dinner for Schmucks.'' She had Paul Rudd talking about another movie he's working on too. Howard cut that clip off pretty quick too.
Robin read about Carla Bruni working on a movie with Woody Allen. She wrapped up and they ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon said that the Stern staff trivia game is what he wanted to talk about first. He said that Brian Phelan won that so he'll be on the panel with the superfans. Gary said that there were a lot of rumblings behind the scenes when Jon was announced as one of the three. Jon said he knows he's being a baby about it but when he found out that they were doing a contest for his spot then everyone should have to qualify. He said Gary and Fred should have had to have played.
Gary said that there are some pre-89 questions and he was there so he should have the edge. Jon said he thinks that Fred and Gary should be in it but it pissed him off that Jason pulled that whole thing.
Gary said they were trying to figure out today how they're going to do the contest. He said they may do it so they can play 3 on 3 and they all get to commiserate. Jon said that it was supposed to be a general trivia contest at first so it was going to be Gary, Fred and Jon. That ended up being changed to Stern Show trivia and that's when Jason threw Jon under the bus.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he used to have respect for Jon but he's carried away with this. Jon said he knows he's being a baby about it. He regretted pulling out of it the day after. Jon said he was just upset that they pulled him out of the game and wanted to make him earn it.
Jon said he may not have won the spot. there were a few that he got wrong. He said that Richie Wilson just got the wrong question at the wrong time. He said he could have ended up like that too. Jon said that's just the way it went.
Mike Gange called in and said that he's never been asked to do any of these contests either. He said he might know the most about the show after Gary. He's been around since 1990 and he knows a lot. Gary said he's right and he knows a bunch of stuff like the girl's names over the years. Gary said that they did mention it to the guys at Howard TV but he didn't think of Mike. He said someone down there could have mentioned him.
Wheels called in and said that Howard threw Jason a few bones. He said that even Brian didn't get that last question right. Steve Brandano said that Jon was back there yelling at the radio.
The guys went over some of the question that Jason got and had second chances on. He was given a few shots when the guys didn't think he should have.
Wheels asked how they get to be in the contest. Gary said they're going to pick people to enter and they'll give people a quiz over the phone and boil it down that way. Gary said that's coming up soon.
Shuli came in and said that he's not sure he would have done well. He said that the Marco Battaglia thing was a tough one. He said Jon was back there during the contest not hiding it at all that he wasn't rooting for Jason. Jon said he told Jason that. He said he's glad that Jason lost. He said he was very up front about how he felt.
Jon asked Jason what he missed that he got the second chance on. Jason said there was the caramel Macchiato and the Mike Gange question. Jon said that Jason had a few chances and he still lost.
Gary asked if they had some good natured ribbing or was it worse than that. Jon and Jason said that they don't have a problem with each other. It's all in good fun. Jon said that Jason is very up front about it when he calls people out on stuff. Jason said he wasn't trying to go behind Jon's back about the test. He said that it wasn't even about Jon, it was more about who was the best.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jon and Lisa G are both not team players. He said that Jon hasn't participated in the IQ test either. Jon said he wasn't asked to do it. Gary said that Jon is very smart and he has a mechanism that he lacks. He said that Jon thinks about things before answering. Gary said he just jumps in himself. He said that he knew not to get in on the IQ test.
Jason said that he was thinking that Gary wasn't going to be in the IQ test and Gary was the one who jumped into it. He said he could have stayed out. Gary said he wishes he had now.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what Jason did that kept Jon out of the contest. Gary explained how Jason had come forward asking why Jon was in the team when there might be people there who know more than he does about the show. Jon talked about why he didn't take the IQ test. He said he can't win either way if he took it.
Jon talked about how they can never get the contests right in there according to Howard. Gary said that he's off the hook because he didn't put the questions together. He said that they screwed up the Bianca question because it was actually Bianca Jane Romijn Stamos O'Connell. A lot of the guys didn't know that was the right answer. Even Howard wasn't sure about it.
The guys thought that Tim Sabean was acting strange during that whole thing. He just burst out and made this weird noise and pushed Benjy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to defend Gary. He said Howard was picking on him and wouldn't let up. He said that Gary seems like one of the only producers that doesn't kiss Howard's ass. He said everyone else has people kissing their asses like on Bubba's show. He said that Robin kisses Howard's ass all the time. He was also saying that Ned doesn't kiss Bubba's ass either. Gary was snickering as he heard that comment.
Shuli was saying that there are people there who think that Gary is very willing to get into it with people lately and they think that something has changed with him. Gary doesn't think he's changed though.
Another caller brought up the IQ tests and how he thinks Richard will do in the IQ thing. Gary said that Sal asked why they never spring quizzes on Richard like they do with him. Gary said that they've asked Richard questions before and he's been able to answer them. Jason said that he thinks Richard is deceptively bright but so is Sal. He said that he doesn't think Richard is a lock to beat Sal. Shuli said he is smart but Richard also does some stuff like digging into his nose and then flicking it on the floor. Gary said that's not a sign of stupidity. It's laziness and uncleanliness according to Jon.
Gary talked about how he thinks he did on the IQ test after a caller asked about it. Gary said that the test might not be as cut and dry as you think. He said that it's not just right and wrong. It's also about how you get to the answer.
Jon asked Jason and Gary if they think that they got the 122 score. Jason said he'd like to think it was him. Gary said he doesn't think it was himself. Jason said that he's feeling that he has to win or go home a loser. He said it's everything or nothing for him.
Jon asked what was up with Scott DePace calling Will about the scores. Jason said that's a really shitty thing to do to a friend. He said that puts him in an uncomfortable spot. He said if he had thought about that he wouldn't have put Will in that spot. Gary said that he's been avoiding Will so he doesn't appear to be trying to get something out of him.
The guys said that Scott DePace isn't coming down there today. Joe Jordan said that Scott told him that Gary doesn't want him on the show so that's why he's not coming on. Gary said that's being babyish.
Gary was also trying to figure out what that little dig was that Scott got in with him during the show. He said that he wanted this feud to end so it would be nice if Gary won this IQ thing. Gary said one thing has nothing to do with the other and it's not going to bring closure to him.
Another caller said he hopes Gary beats Ralph tomorrow. He said that Ralph dresses a man for a living so he has no room to talk. He asked Gary if he thinks he's going to win. Gary said he's sticking to his bet with Ralph. He said he thinks that he's going to keep his Richard over Sal bet with Howard too.
Ralph called in and talked about how close he thinks he and Scott could end up in the IQ test. He said that they have a 10 point spread and he's pretty sure that will be fine. They went over some of the other bets they might have going on tomorrow.
Jon said he got a note from Scott DePace saying that he wasn't calling Will to get information out of him. Will said he was hinting at it. Jon told Scott to get down there and not send him his notes.
Ralph said that Will saying that he knew the results and it was entertaining to him was too much information. Gary said that this is an interesting thing psychologically. He said that there are obviously people whose moms have told them that they were the smartest kids in the world. Ralph said his mom was like that.
Scott DePace came in and said he wasn't interested in talking about this stuff and he had to get going. He was setting up for the Bonus Show and then he was going golfing.
Gary asked Scott about him calling Will and asking about the IQ scores. Scott said that he passed the note along to Jim McClure about not coming in there. He said that he was joking with Will about the scores too. He went off on Gary saying that it was just a joke. Gary said that his jokes aren't funny these days. Scott said that's not his fault if he doesn't get his jokes.
Jason asked Scott if he would be bummed out if he found out he had a 110 IQ. Scott said he'd be a little bummed out but not that bad. He said that if he does end up with a score like that he's going to think the tester didn't test right.
Ralph said he thinks that it'll be great if DePace scores low. Jon said it'll be great if he gets the 122 too. He said that he's going to be so out of control if that was his score. Jon said he thinks that it could be Jason, DePace or Gary who got the 122. Ralph asked if he would bet money that they all scored higher than him. Jon said he'd need odds. Ralph said they'll figure it out tomorrow.
Gary said that they're talking about Scott and Ralph this way because they're both their own biggest fans. Ralph said he's got to be above average. He said if he loses to Richard then he's going into seclusion. He said if Richard comes out smarter than him then he's going to be upset.
Gary said they're going to be doing a People's Court kind of thing and Ralph didn't want to come in at 7 to do it. He said he's not at the top of his game at that time of morning. He said that he also wanted to be part of the trivia contest thing this morning. Gary asked if there was anything he didn't know. He said that he didn't know when Howard graduated. He said he knew Marco and Gange's title and stuff like that. He knew that Bianca was wrong too.
Jon asked Ralph if he's worried about this whole thing. Ralph said he's not going to lose sleep over it. He said this is just a lot of fun. He said he's got nothing to lose. He said everyone thinks he's an idiot already so even if he scores low he'll be fine.
Jason said he has to come in with that 122 or he's going to be upset. He said there were a few things he missed in the test. Jon asked if he's going to be okay if he ends up with a 115. Jason said that he'll be fine but he'd like to take that 122 since everyone is pumping him up to be this smart guy. He said that he's nothing if he doesn't get that 122. He said he's not good at anything so if he's not smart then he's really got nothing at all. Jason said if it comes back at a 100 then he's totally screwed. He said he'll be looking for the nearest bridge if he scores below a 115.
Gary asked if they think there will be any tears tomorrow. Ralph laughed. Will said he thinks there's going to be some serious ball busting after the results. Gary wanted to leave it there and not say anymore today.
JD said that Jason rubbed him the wrong way this morning. He said that they were in the studio today and Jason said he thinks that he had the highest IQ. JD said he was talking about how depressed he's going to be. JD said it sounded very arrogant to him. Jason said that was all about him and it had nothing to do with anyone else there. He's just hoping to get into that 122 range.
Ralph asked JD how he thinks he's going to do. JD said he really doesn't know. He hopes he didn't get the 61. Ralph said he didn't know that JD took the test. Ralph said that changes things. Gary said that he thinks that the only people who are going to be disappointed are him, Jason or Scott DePace. He said everyone else should be fine with their scores.
Will said that Jason was kind of hurt when he found out that JD had a girlfriend on the air. Jason said he was kind of bummed about that because he thinks of him as a really close friend. JD said that he revealed everything on the air. He hadn't told anyone about it before that.
Ralph asked who they think would cry. Jon and Gary said Sal. Richard could cry too. They talked about how he cried over a cartoon when Cotton died on ''King of the Hill.'' The guys were also talking about how DePace will just say that the test wasn't done right or something to discount the whole thing if he scores low.
A caller was suggesting that maybe Sal is going to throw this test to get air time. The guys said that Sal and Richard are avoiding getting air time lately so they doubt that he'd do something like that. Jason said that Sal has cracked on the air before when they call him stupid. He doesn't do anything to try and fix that though. They had to go to break after that.
Jason asked if they can do a second round and get Tim on the list. Tim said that would be a nightmare. He said he's not sure how it's going to come out but he thinks that there could be tears tomorrow. Jason asked Tim what he's going to do if he gets wrecked and he's not in that 122 range. Tim said he'll buy Jason lunch. He's not sure if he's going to bet on it or not.
Jon asked Tim who he thinks will come out on top. Tim said that Gary, Jason and Scott are going to be up there and he's not sure who to pick out of the three. He said he's going to say Gary. He said he can't wait to find out the results tomorrow.
Jon went to the phones and took a call from a guy who asked Will about the ''surprises'' he mentioned and if he thinks that it will question the validity of the test. Will said that he can't answer that. Gary said that they have to keep it quiet until tomorrow.
Jason said that Will has a smirk on his face when he looks at him. Will said that he loves making everyone nervous there because he knows the results. He's not even saying anything, he's just giving them looks.
Another caller asked Gary about how he thinks Richard is going to do because people from the south can sound slow but be very intelligent. The caller said that he grew up in Oregon and knows what that can be like. Jason said that the south has a worse education system than the north historically. He said that he'd put them up against each other any day. Will said he was basically saying that they're not as smart in the south then. Jason said that they just weren't given a chance.
Steve said that Richard may do better than they expect. He said that he might be the surprise. Gary said that could be or maybe Sal came through because their expectations are so low for him.
A caller said that they could do a whole ranking or bracket system with the results. Gary said that would be difficult to follow on the radio.
Gary asked what the format is going to be tomorrow. Will said he thinks they're going to go from the lowest to the highest. He thinks that Howard wants to keep it as simple as possible. He said he has it ready to go in whatever way Howard wants to do it.
Will said that he set up the whole thing so Howard can reveal it in a way that won't show everything at once. Jason said he was working with paper and tape setting it all up for Howard. He said he didn't see the results but he did see Will working on it.
Another caller said he grew up in the south and he's around a lot of New Yorkers and a lot of them aren't that bright. Gary said that's just another stereotype and something that the guy is used to.
Another caller was asking how Jason and Gary are going to handle it if they beat each other. Gary said that it shouldn't be a problem. He said that if Ralph comes out above him then it might be an issue because he'll have to deal with him being a dick. The guys spent a couple of minutes going over who they think is going to come out where in the test results.
Another caller said that he's from Texas and it's not always true that the education systems are bad down there. He said that there are some very good schools down there. Jason cut the guy off and said that it's just a stereotype and a historical thing. He said that you look at the data numbers and you'll see. He said that doesn't mean that everyone in the south is dumb. Jason said that if you grew up in a small town in Arkansas or in a small town in New Jersey, you may have a better shot at a better education in New Jersey.
Another caller said he thinks that Richard is going to surprise them with his IQ. He said that they're also blowing it thinking that Jason and Gary are going to be up top. He said that they're going to be in the middle somewhere. He said that the people who they aren't talking about are going to end up in the top. Jon said that JD could end up being a big surprise in all of this. They'll find out tomorrow when they go over the results. Jon said that it could take up the whole show. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the IQ test results show that they're doing. He said that they're being sponsored by the ''Dinner for Schmucks'' movie. He said that he brought in cash to place bets on the outcome of the tests.
Howard said he's really looking forward to this today but he's also telling the guys they can't go too crazy with the results. He said he doesn't know what Mel Karmazin's IQ is but he has been told by Mel that he's not the smartest man in the world. He said IQ is a man made test and they don't know exactly what they're testing. Howard said he thinks he knows his IQ but it doesn't really mean anything. He can go on David Letterman and make people laugh. He said not everyone can do that. Howard said you can have an Einstein IQ and never get out of your own house because you're afraid.
Robin said that there are some people there who could be about to break when they find out the results. Howard said that could be true. He said he was up all last night trying to figure out how to handle this show today. He said he has a few ways he could do this. He could pair people up and movie them on to different brackets but he's not sure about that. Robin said they could pair people up with one person who has a low IQ and one with a high one and never tell them exactly what that score is.
Howard said he came to a conclusion that they're going to go from the lowest to the highest today. He said that they'll have their suspense and they will move up the ladder. Robin asked when they're going to do it. Howard said they will have their results in about an hour. He said he will begin the results then. Howard said he would bet 10,000 bucks that Wendy would test the lowest. He doesn't think that anyone would challenge that. He said that if Jason tested at a 61 then they'd be in trouble. (People in the test: Jeff the Drunk, High Pitch Eric, Wendy the Retard, Gary Dell'Abate, Jason Kaplan, Scott DePace, Ralph Cirella, Sal Governale, Richard Christy and JD Harmeyer)
Howard said that they found out that the next person is in the ''dull'' category and he's thinking that will be High Pitch Eric. He said he doesn't think that Jeff the Drunk is that much smarter but he could be a surprise. He said that he may come in fourth. Robin said she thinks that he's dull and High Pitch would be the next person up.
Howard said they may have to start their betting round now. He said that Robin might want to bet on the High Pitch and Jeff the Drunk thing. Howard said he has to find someone who can keep track of all of these bets. Gary said Jason will take care of all of that back there in the office.
Howard asked if anyone wanted to bet High Pitch vs. Jeff the Drunk. Robin did. Howard wanted to take High Pitch for $100. Robin took that bet. She says that Jeff is dumber than High Pitch. Gary got in on that bet too. Sal came in and said that he has more to worry about than the bet. He wanted to take Jeff the Drunk being smarter than Eric for $500. Robin said she'll go 100 but not 500. Sal took that. Gary is in it for 100. Scott DePace was in it for 100 as well.
Howard said they have to move on to some other betting. Benjy asked if Jeff is smarter than at least one of the staff members. Benjy thinks he is. He said that he's willing to bet, with odds, that he's smarter than 3 or 4 of them. Howard asked who he thinks they are. Benjy said he thinks that it would be JD and Gary. He's not taking points on that either. He said he thinks that it's just flat out higher score than JD and Gary. Howard said he likes this bet. JD came in and said that he'll bet Benjy 100 on that one. He said part of the test needed two hands to complete something. The guys said that was probably taken into consideration. Robin said that she will take 50 bucks on that Jeff thing. She said that every staff member is higher than Jeff. Howard took Robin's bet. Howard asked if anyone else wanted in on that. Fred said he'd take it saying that Jeff will not be higher than the staff. Fred said that Jeff was in high school until he was 21 years old. Howard forgot about that.
Howard said that no one was betting. Gary said he was out of money. He didn't want to bet more than he brought with him. Gary said there's a lot of discussion back there and it's funny that Benjy finds that he's not bright. Benjy said he never said that.
Howard said he had a conversation with Richard and he thinks that he might be brighter than you think. He said he found out he lost 42 pounds using an iPhone app to keep track of what he ate. Howard said he's probably the only guy who has ever used that app successfully. He said he went back there and wished them luck and Richard said he hopes that he and Sal score the same. Richard came in and said that he learned about that iPhone app from Sarah Silverman. He said it worked for her. Howard said he's not sure if Richard is that smart. He can't tell. Howard said he has always taken Richard's speech to be some kind of dimwit. He said he really can't tell though.
Richard thanked everyone for thinking he's so smart. Some people there do think he's pretty smart. Howard just isn't sure. Howard said he has 500 with Gary that Sal is going to beat Richard. Benjy said he thinks that Richard could be number 1. Howard said he'd like to bet that Richard isn't in the top 4. Benjy took that. Richard said he'd take action on that too. Richard said he'd bet that he's not even in the top 4. Robin took that bet with Benjy too. Benjy asked Richard what 8x8 was. Richard quickly said 64. He didn't hesitate. Benjy said his gut is that Richard is the 122 IQ. Robin didn't want to take the bet.
Gary came in and said that Sal just told him that 8x8 is 61. Gary said that he has to have him figure it out in there. Sal said that 8x9 is 72. He was out in Gary's office saying 68. He finally figured it out in there. Howard said Sal really is dim. Howard asked Sal what 8x6 was. He said that it was 48. Gary asked what 9x7 was. He said 72. Sal said that was too quick and he had to think about it. Howard wanted out of the bet. He said he'd give Gary 500 right now to get out of his bet. Howard was shocked at Sal's answers.
Howard asked who will win, Sal or Jeff the Drunk. Sal thinks he has him beat. Sal said he can stop and think about it. Howard said he just got it wrong. Sal said he'll be fine. Howard wanted to bet on Sal vs. Jeff the Drunk. Robin thinks that Jeff is stupid. She said that Sal can't be in the bottom 2. She can't take that bet.
Gary said that if he hadn't said something to Sal, he would have thought 8x8 was 61. Sal said that he probably would have. Sal said he took his time with this test so he thinks that he did well. He said he took his time within the time limit he had.
Howard thanked Sal and said they have to do some more betting on that. Howard asked what 6x9 was. Sal said 54. He had to think for a few seconds. Howard said maybe he just needs to warm up like a car. Robin said she thinks that Richard will have done better than Sal. She wanted to take some action on that. Howard said no one is taking action on that based on what they just saw. Howard said that they can take bets on Sal vs. Jeff. Sal said he'll take action on himself. No one was taking action.
Howard asked what 37+29 was. Sal did his math and came up with 66. He was right so Howard called him a genius. It took him about a minute to come up with the answer.
Mike Gange came in and said he'd bet that Sal would come in lower than Jeff the Drunk. He took that action with Sal. He said he thinks that it's going to be a good 10 point difference too.
Benjy said he thinks that Sal will be in the top 5. Howard thought about that for a minute. He said that there's no way he'll be in the top 2. He wasn't sure he wanted to do this all morning with the bets. He said they do have a lot of interest in this though.
Howard said that's what actors do. They read lines. He said that they fight for more lines. Johnny said they were going to do some prosthetic stuff and it was going to take time to put him in it. He said Eric is very pissed off about all of that. He said that people are going to be torturing him over that stuff.
Johnny said that he kept getting calls from Eric and he told him he'd call him back. Then he got a call from his friend who is helping write his book and it turns out Eric is calling him. Eric is also freaking out that Steve Langford is up there too. Johnny said he told Eric to just roll with it. He said that Eric doesn't like Steve and he'd be fine if it was Shuli. Howard said Eric is so difficult. Johnny said he's the worst.
Howard said actors go crazy to get more lines. He said most actors would be thanking them for giving him more lines. He's very lucky to have that. Howard said Johnny was making too much sense. Howard thanked him for the call and tried to wrap up. Johnny said he thinks that they're not going to get this thing done and Eric won't end up on the show. Howard said he'd take action on Eric not ever being in Fringe.
The caller asked if he makes Beth wash her hands before she has sex with him. Howard said he doesn't do that. Howard said he had a guy put his hand out to shake it as he was getting ready to eat. He said he didn't shake his or his wife's hands. Howard said that he felt bad about that but he didn't have his hand gel. He said he ended up going back to the guy and said he'd shake his hand. He said the guy was really nice and he felt bad about it.
Howard said the guy was a British guy and he said he knew that he didn't like to shake his hand. Howard said he looked over and the wife and kids were Vietnamese or something and he had said he had ''guck'' on his hands. He thought that they may have taken that as ''gook'' so he apologized to the guy for that too. He said the guy told him it was clear he said ''guck.'' Howard said he's just as bad as Howie Mandel when it comes to shaking hands.
The caller asked Howard about the Mel Gibson tapes and how he had said he understood why Mel Gibson was upset with that Oksana for not blowing him. Howard said that he was just saying that some guys can relate to what Mel was saying about the blow job thing. He said Mel is pumping a lot of money into this chick so he gets why he might be upset. Robin said that all he wanted was that blow job though. She said that he was treating her like a prostitute. Robin said that he was basically paying her to blow him. Howard said that's true but she doesn't even know that she's his whore.
The caller asked Howard why he feels the need to let people know that he's just joking when he talks about that. Howard said here are some dummies in his audience who don't get that it's a joke. He said not everyone is a genius like the caller is. He hung up on him after that.
Howard got back to DePace vs. Gary. DePace said he wants to bet Gary but Gary won't take the action. Howard said he thinks that Scott knows something. He said he thinks that Scott is going to beat Gary. Robin took action on that one. She said she'd take Gary over Scott. Scott wanted to bet someone too. Fred said he really doesn't know in that one. He said Scott talks a good game. He then took the action with Scott for 50 bucks.
Robin said the big one is Jason vs. Scott DePace and Jason is her guy. Howard said he might be in that camp now. DePace said he might be in that camp too. He said he has lost all of his confidence. Howard said that everyone is thinking that Jason is going to do very well on the test.
Howard said that he'll give a better bet. He asked Robin if she's willing to bet that Jason isn't the number 1 guy. Robin said that might be the big surprise in the testing. Howard said this is really frustrating. Howard said he'll give 35 points on Wendy vs. Sal. He's spotting Wendy 35 points. They think that she's going to come in at the 61. Sal would have to be a 96. Howard said he's going to take that bet. JD bet him on that for 50 bucks. Benjy got in on that too. Benjy took the bet with Howard. Howard said he thinks he has a good bet with that one. Robin wasn't taking any action on that. Not with the 35 points.
Howard asked Benjy if he would bet against him that Wendy the Retard is the lowest. Benjy said he can't take that bet. Howard said he's a pussy.
Gary asked what the chances are that the 122 isn't Jason, Gary or Scott. Howard said he'd make it simpler and say that Jason isn't number 1. Howard said everyone seems to think that Jason is in that spot. He said that there are 5 other guys who could be beating Jason so your odds are 5 to 1. Howard said if you just bet that Jason isn't number one you have a good chance of winning. Howard said he'd do that for 50 bucks. He said he'd bet that Jason isn't number 1. Fred took that bet. He thinks Jason is number 1.
Gary said that even Scott DePace's self esteem isn't that high now. Gary said it's done that to everyone. He said Scott has been turned into a sniveling pile of self hating. Gary said they're all shitting their pants right now.
Howard brought up Ralph and asked who is smarter, Ralph or Sal. Robin said that Ralph has to be. Howard said he thinks so too. Robin said it may not be by much. Howard said he'd give Sal plus 5 IQ points. Benjy took that bet. Robin didn't like the bet. Howard said he'd take Sal plus 10 points. Howard took the bet with Benjy for 50 bucks. Howard said he thinks that Ralph will beat Sal with the 5 points. Howard told Benjy he should just give him the money now based on Sal's math. Howard said he thought Sal had some math ability but he's an idiot across the board.
Howard said he's not even sure Sal has any abilities. He said he may have eaten the blocks they had to build. Howard asked if anyone else wanted to bet. Robin said they never settled the Jason and DePace bet.
DePace said take a bet against Jason with a 5 point spread. Howard said he'd do that. He said he's going to give Scott 5 on himself and say that Jason still beats him. They bet 50 bucks on that. Howard said he thinks he's spent like $10,000 this morning.
Robin asked why Jon Hein isn't betting. Howard said he's just holding on to every sheckle. Howard said he thought it was going to be a frenzy of betting this morning.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to do some under/overs. He said that he'd like to do an over/under with Richard of about 92. Howard said he would set it at 99 which is average intelligence. Gary asked what they think Sal is at if Richard is a 99. Howard said that he's got to be lower. They took some action on Sal for an over/under of 99. A lot of the guys said he'd be under. Benjy thought he was over so he took some action on that.
The caller asked if the spread between Richard and Sal would be greater than 5. Robin said that she'd take Richard in that. She said that the spread will be greater than 5. Howard and Fred agreed with Robin. Howard bumped it up to 10 points. Robin said she'd take that. Howard said he would too. He said he thinks Richard has a good 10 points over Sal. He said he wants to keep that alive so they can be reminded of it later. Howard took Sal plus 10.
The caller said they could bet who would be the most shocking. He said they could bet on whether or not Jason would be the highest. Howard said they could bet on whether or not anyone would cry.
Another caller said that they didn't bet on JD. Fred said he did bet on JD. Robin said they could bet on JD over Sal. Howard asked who she would pick. Robin and Howard said they'd go with JD over Sal.
Ralph came in and said he heard about some ridiculous bets. He went over some of them and took some action with Fred and with Benjy. He said that he'd take the bets with Sal against him too.
Ralph said Benjy has some of the most insane bets. He said that Richard is somehow getting people behind him but he grew up in a shack and pisses himself at concerts. He said he can't be that high.
Howard asked who is smarter, Sal or Richard? Ralph said he would lean toward Sal if there was a 5 point spread. Howard asked if he'd take action on that. Ralph said he'd take Sal with 5 points. Robin took that. Howard didn't believe that Ralph had any money with him. Ralph said he just stopped at the bank. He has money on him.
The caller said they should bet on who will cry. Howard said he wasn't sure about that. He said it was time to get the results now. He said that if anyone else wanted to bet they had to get in on it now.
They weren't really betting on who would be number 1. Tim Sabean then came in and said that he'd bet that Gary would be number 1. Howard took that, so did Robin. Fred said he would take it too and he wanted his money right now. Tim said he was only taking the bets with Howard and Fred. Robin was out. Howard said that Tim was just handing out 100s and Robin missed out.
Howard said he's betting that Robin is too slow. She said he didn't have headphones on so he didn't hear her. Howard asked if anyone else wanted to bet against Jason. No one was coming in.
Howard asked if anyone was willing to bet that High Pitch wasn't dull. Robin said they already bet on that. Ralph said he wanted to do 50 bucks on that. He said he thinks that JD is ''dull.'' Howard took that action. He said he'd take High Pitch. He said there is only one ''dull'' person so he's saying that is High Pitch. Howard said JD isn't dull. JD said High Pitch isn't that smart. He said people think he's more intelligent than he really is.
Fred was taking action on JD over Ralph. Ralph wondered why he would do that. He said he can actually form a sentence.
Gary said they have a pool going on out in the office. They're putting 10 bucks in on that and they're going to give the pot to the winner. Ralph said they have like 10 pools online. Ralph said that Sam Simon bought his bet against Scott DePace. He said Sam loves a bet so much he bought the bet for $200. Howard said that Scott thinks he'll beat Ralph by 10 points and he thinks he might take that bet. He said he'd go 50 on that one. Howard gave Ralph 10 points on himself.
Robin said that he's closing off the betting and he's going to ask Jason to set them up during the break with the breakdown. Robin was still willing to bet that Scott wasn't number 1. Howard asked if anyone was willing to bet that Scott was number 1. Scott said they've even talked him out of that. He said he might be number 2. He said that the top 3 can go either way. Mike Gange said he would bet that Scott is number 1. Howard and Robin took 50 on that. Fred asked if he wanted to take another 50. Ralph wanted in on that too.
Howard asked Jason to wright out every bet so they all know who bet on what. Benjy asked if they wanted to do an over/under on Jeff the Drunk. Howard said he'd put him around a 93 for an over/under. Benjy took the over on that. Howard took that bet. He said he thinks that he'll be around a 91. Ralph said he's not sure what they're thinking with Jeff. Robin said she has Jeff at ''Dull.'' Howard asked if anyone thinks Wendy isn't the lowest. No one was coming forward on that one.
Howard said it was time to close the betting. He said that it was now time to find out who scored what on this test.
Ralph said that Jimmy Kimmel sent him his rundown of what he thought was goofing to happen. Howard said he's shocked that Ralph is friends with Jimmy after what he said about him stealing bits from this show. Ralph found the email he got from Jimmy and he had Jason at number 1, Gary at 2, Ralph at 3. Howard cut him off and said he'd bet that Ralph isn't in the top 3. Ralph took that bet. Howard also said that he wanted to be paid today. Ralph said that he has money and he will pay.
Ralph said that Jimmy's list continued with JD at 4, Scott DePace at 5, Richard at 6, Jeff at 7, Sal at 8, High Pitch at 9 and Wendy in last.
Howard closed down the betting. He figured they had spent enough time on that. Scott wanted to bet that Ralph wasn't in the top 3. Robin took that and so did Ralph. Howard said there's no way Ralph is in the top 3.
Howard said Dominic Barbara wanted to bet on the total of all of the staffers but he had to shut down the betting. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and made up some lyrics to the song Fred was playing. He said it was time to find out the IQ test results. He said they'd figure out the betting later on. He said that all of the people who took the IQ test are in the studio standing there. They included Jeff the Drunk, High Pitch Eric, Wendy the Retard, Gary Dell'Abate, Jason Kaplan, Scott DePace, Ralph Cirella, Sal Governale, Richard Christy and JD Harmeyer. The only person not there was Wendy the Retard. Wendy was on the phone. Howard spoke to Wendy about her favorite part of the test which was the blocks.
Howard had Dr. Muggli and Dr. Sitt on the phone. They were the people who administered the IQ tests to the people involved. Dr. Sitt did 6 and Dr. Muggli did the others. Howard said that Ralph was distracted by Dr. Muggli's looks. Ralph said it took him a while to settle in. Dr. Muggli isn't married either. Howard said they are legitimate IQ testers. He said that everyone is very brave for taking this test.
High Pitch Eric said he was told that he didn't lose points for trying and he tried. Will said Jeff the Drunk was dripping sweat. Richard said there was snot on his arm or something. Howard asked the guys to give Jeff a chair to sit in. Jeff said he was nervous about the results. Robin said he wasn't even able to figure out how to take the napkins they handed him.
Scott DePace said that Jeff really stinks too. He said it was a combo of cigarettes and other smells. Jeff said he just took a shower 10 minutes before he got there. Howard said the smell was raw intelligence. Jeff said he did smoke too many cigarettes though. He said he's too fuckin' fat too. He said he quit smoking and got fat. He's up to 280 pounds. Jeff said that's why he started smoking again.
Jason said that Jeff has a second head growing out of the back of his neck. Jeff asked if he's a fucking science experiment or something. Howard asked who tested Jeff. Dr. Sitt said he did that one. He said it was 2 1/2 hours with a drunken Jeff.
Howard said that a lot of the guys in business aren't high IQ guys. He said that it doesn't measure how successful you'll be in life. Dr. Sitt agreed with him on that. He said that it doesn't mean you can't be a super star if you have a low IQ. Howard said he can be funny even without a high IQ.
The doctors let them know that everyone here has given approval to give out this information so they are not responsible for anything that they do after the results. Howard asked if anyone would be suicidal if they got a low score. Sal said he's already dead inside so he'll be fine.
Howard said he was going to give the lowest score first. Howard said that person is Wendy the Retard with a 61. Howard said that's pretty good for Wendy. He said that she tested higher than they expected. Wendy thanked him for that. Everyone was high fiving Sal for not coming in last. Howard said that according to the chart she is ''Mildly Retarded.'' Robin said she should be called Wendy the Mildly Retarded. Howard said she's actually feeble minded. Howard said that they could call her Wendy the Feeble Minded. The doctors didn't test Wendy, she had her's done down in Florida. Howard said that Wendy did very well. He let her off the phone after that.
Howard said the next stupidest person was... High Pitch Eric asked why Gary was staring at him. Howard said they think that he's going to be next. Jeff the Drunk said he thinks he beat Eric.
Howard then said that Scott DePace was the next lowest. He was just joking. The actual second lowest score was not Sal. He said it was actually High Pitch Eric with a 66. Gary said that was unbelievable. He was only 5 points smarter than Wendy. Gary was blown away by that. Howard said he just made a lot of money for a lot of people. He also lost Robin a lot of money. Howard said Eric is just ''feeble'' and not retarded.
Howard asked Eric who he thought he was going to beat. Jeff said that he thought he might be able to beat Scott DePace.
Will said that Dr. Muggli was afraid that Eric was being serious during the test. She said that it's hard for her to say based on his effort in the testing. She said that she was encouraging him to please try and put in effort. Howard said it sounds like he didn't try hard enough. Eric said he definitely tried his best. Howard said Dr. Muggli may think that he threw the test. Eric said he did try and he didn't throw the test.
Dr. Muggli said that people who score that low usually aren't able to work or live on their own without help. Howard asked if they think that he threw the test. Eric said he swears he tried his best on the test. Ralph said he only gets work because he scams people. Howard said that Eric must write checks and stuff. Eric said he pays his own bills but he uses his ATM card. Howard said that the doctor thinks he's higher level than he tested. Howard said he believes that he did try his hardest. Eric said the blocks were hard and so were some of the questions. Howard said he's impressed that Eric has gotten as far as he has with that low of an IQ. He's done very well.
Howard said now they can get to the fun stuff. Some people think that Jeff the Drunk might be next in the results. Howard said they haven't even gotten to the ''Dull'' person yet. Howard said he thought Eric would be dull but he's not even up to that level.
Howard said the next person on the list is going to be rated at ''dull.'' Howard said that person on the list, from the bottom up, with a score of 89, is not Ralph. Ralph said he scared him with that. It turns out it was Jeff the Drunk. Jeff said he's not dull. Howard said he is. Howard said he's at the top of dull but he is dull. He's a point away from being ''normal.'' Gary said he thought he was going to be higher than that.
Dr. Sitt said that the tests do require you to use your hands and he wasn't able to complete some of them. He said that he has to put that into account. He could have ended up being normal. Jeff said he is normal. Jeff said he's ordinary. Howard said he's not, he's extraordinary. Dr. Sitt said he thinks that Jeff did have some strong points in the test so he could have done better. Richard asked if Jeff could stop sweating now. Jeff said he can.
Howard said that it's fortunate for the staff that Wendy, Eric and Jeff didn't beat any of them. Howard said the next person on the IQ list with an IQ of 102, which is ''normal,'' was not Jason... was not Gary... Howard said he likes to see their faces when he mentions their names. Howard said that this is very much like American Idol when they buckle when their names are mentioned. Howard said the person is actually Sal Governale. Howard said he's normal. Sal said ''sure.'' Howard said he did beat Jeff. Sal said ''big fuckin' deal.'' He said he was at a loss for words. Richard gave him a hug. He said he hates to see him upset. He said over 100 is good. Howard said 102 is good. It's normal intelligence. Howard said that he lost 500 to Gary on that.
Sal said that it's ironic that he's being called ''normal'' in an IQ test. Sal said he thought that he was going to be between 89 and 105. He said he wasn't proud of that but he did okay. He said he hopes that Richard sweeps the whole thing. Sal said he just wanted to do well for himself. He said he still thinks that he's very creative. Dr. Sitt that this doesn't have anything to do with creativity. He said he did laugh during one of Sal's answers. He said that Sal is a very funny guy. Howard said he wasn't trying to be funny though.
Howard said he was going to move on to number 5. That person had a 106 IQ. Howard said they call Richard and Sal a team. He said that Richard isn't that close to Sal because he's not next in line. Howard said that Ralph makes fun of a lot of people. He said he brags that he's so smart but people question him. He said he's not that close to Sal either. Howard said that Gary and Sal often have words and Sal calls him a Horse Tooth Jackass. Howard said that it wasn't Gary. Jason, JD and Scott were next on that list. Howard said that it was actually JD with the 106.
Howard said it's normal intelligence to have a 106. JD said he's fine with that. Scott DePace said that they took an online IQ test and JD scored a 106. Scott said that he scored a 126 on that same test. Howard said that he wants to take his bets back. Howard asked Sal if he thought that he was going to beat JD. Sal said he didn't think so.
Howard said that they have Ralph, Richard, Gary, Jason and Scott left on the list. Howard said the person with an IQ of 112, which is ''Superior intelligence,'' would be... Dr. Sitt and Dr. Muggli said that's actually ''high average.'' That goes up to 119. Howard said his chart was dumb apparently. Howard said the person who was high average with 112 was not Richard or Gary. Howard said it wasn't Scott so it was Ralph. Ralph has a 112 IQ.
Howard said that Ralph has been calling Richard a retard for a long time but it turns out he's got a higher IQ. Ralph said he still thinks that he's retarded even if he did get a higher IQ. Howard said that Richard must feel good. Richard said he feels awesome already. Robin said that she's been telling them that Richard is really smart. Richard thanked her for that. Howard said that Richard is getting even further away from Sal now. He's sharing the room with someone with an IQ much lower than his.
Ralph asked if he did well at anything. Sal said he did well at suckin' dick. Dr. Muggli said that he did very well in some parts of the test. He tested superior in perceptual reading or something like that. Howard asked Dr. Muggli if she would go out with Ralph based on that. She said it's not just based on his IQ. Ralph said he'd call her later.
Sal said he likes working with one of the smartest guys on the staff. Richard said when it comes to making prank calls they're at the same intelligence.
Howard said that Gary must be relieved that he's higher than Ralph. Gary said he's happy where they're getting to in the scores.
Howard said that they had Richard, Gary, Jason and Scott left to get to. Howard said he has looked at the results. Robin said that these are his decision makers. Howard said she's right. They are his cabinet.
Gary said Sal reminds him of the retards in the movies who say ''I'm normal too!'' when he's bragging about being average. Gary said he's thinking that he could be the under achiever in this. Howard asked Robin who she thinks will be eliminated next. Robin said it could be Scott DePace. Jeff thinks it's Jason. Eric thinks it's DePace. Sal thinks it's Gary. Eric asked Howard what's going through his mind. Howard said he's thinking about how he wants to retire.
Howard said the person with an IQ of 117. Howard asked Jason if he'd be okay with that score. Jason said he'd like to be number one. Howard said that Jason is not the 117. Howard said that Gary isn't either. Scott said that he's not the 117 either. It was Richard Christy with the 117. Howard said that he knew Richard had some intelligence with that drumming ability. He said that's kind of a math type of thing.
Ralph asked Dr. Muggli where Richard did better than him. Dr. Muggli said that it's hard to say where he was better.
Howard said that Scott DePace has been pretty confident. Scott said it's going back up now. He was down for a while. Howard said that Gary is sweating like a pig. Gary said it was hot in there. Howard said he's in the top 3. Gary just wanted it to be over. Scott said maybe they should take a break.
Howard asked who people think is going to be eliminated next. Jeff and Eric said Scott. Sal said Gary would be next. Richard said that Jason is out next. He said that he thinks he was very nervous about it and that affects the test. Howard asked JD who he thinks. JD said he's going to say Jason based on life experience. Fred said it's too close to call now. He said that he'd like Scott to be out next. Robin said she would too.
Howard said that the next person, with an IQ of 118, was not Gary. Howard said that it was either Scott or Jason. Jason said they're head to head now. Scott said that the general knowledge questions shouldn't have been in the test. Howard said that Scott and Jason think they're smarter than one another. Howard said that Jason is not smarter than Scott DePace. Jason had the 118. Jason said he's fine with that number. Howard said he had $1,000 on Scott and he took that off. He said Scott talks like a moron.
Howard said that it came down to Scott and Gary. Richard said that Jason was close to crying. Jason said he can't win anything. He said he always comes close but he always loses. Howard said he wanted to beat Scott so bad. Jason said he really did. Scott was laughing and said that this is so great. He said that he loves that he's not good at anything and he lost this. He was laughing at him over that.
Howard said that the final two were Gary and Scott DePace. Howard said the result is shocking because they thought it was going to be Scott and Jason standing there. Gary asked what the two numbers were. They were 121 and 122. They were both of Superior Intelligence. Gary said he can't believe that Scott is superior. Ralph said that he's pulling for Gary in this.
Sal asked if they could take one more bet and have the loser submit to a tea bagging. Gary said he has nothing to win with that so he's not going to take that bet. Howard said it proves that Sal is dopey and that he's gay.
Howard asked Fred who he thinks is going to win. Fred said he'd give it to Gary. Howard said that it's just one point. He could have just been having a bad day. Dr. Sitt said that is right.
Howard said the person with the bragging rights is going to be... Howard kept them in suspense and asked Gary what he would think if he was first. Gary said he wasn't going to say. He knows he's going to rip it out from under him if he says he'd be so happy. Howard then said he'd give them the results after a break.
Gary said that he has to talk about Ralph. He said that yesterday Ralph called him a dummy for giving out 3 of the answers on the Wrap Up Show but he still came in more than 10 points below him. Ralph said he thought Gary was going to be in the top 3. He said he still thinks he's smarter than Gary too.
Howard said that Gary and Scott are walking around like they're Tinkerbell. Howard asked Jason if he's going to stop arguing with Scott now. Jason said that it's all over. He can never argue with him again.
Howard said the big surprise was Richard. He said that everyone seemed to be surprised by that. Howard said that the shocker is that Scott and Gary are basically in a statistical dead heat. Robin said there are people praying that Scott loses. Scott asked how she knows that. Robin said that's what people are telling her.
Howard said Doug was congratulating Gary and saying he hoped it was him but then he found out that Doug was doing the same to Scott. Robin said there are people praying that Scott doesn't get this.
Howard said that anyone in this classification is of ''Superior Intelligence.'' Dr. Sitt said this is definitely the big game here. Howard said he should bring this to TV as a game show. Ralph said that Leno will probably be doing it tomorrow night.
Howard said this is where they find out who is the smartest. Howard said that Scott thinks he's very bright. He wondered if he thinks that he's smarter than Gary. Scott said he knows Gary is good at memory stuff. Howard said that one of them has twice the brain power of Wendy the Retard. Robin said that doesn't really matter. Howard said he's just giving the statistics.
Howard asked Scott and Gary if they think they won. Neither one was sure. Howard said that Jason still lost. Jason said that's a shock, even 31 years later. Robin said she thinks that Gary won. Howard said that Robin would be... someone who guessed some right and some wrong.
Howard broke the news to Gary that he lost to Scott DePace. DePace was thrilled. He told him to suck it. Robin said this is what everyone was afraid of. They were afraid that he was going to win and beat everyone up with this. Scott said he's really happy about beating Jason.
Howard thanked Dr. Sitt and Dr. Muggli for helping. Ralph said that Dr. Muggli said that he could come back and go over the results. Dr. Muggli asked if he was dreaming when he heard her ask him out. Ralph said he may have been. Here are the final results:
Howard went over the results of Gary and Scott's tests and read about where they came out in the different segments of the tests. They were just one point off in the end though. Howard said that Eric came out kind of low and no one believes he took the test for real. Eric said he did. Howard told him he should say he didn't with a score that low. Eric said he did try. Howard said he should go out with Wendy based on that. Eric said that he did go out with her in Vegas. He said they even kissed.
Howard said that Scott must feel good. Scott said he does. He congratulated Gary with his score because that really surprised him.
Gary asked what the margin of error is. Dr. Sitt said there's a 5 percent margin. That could swing the test 5 points. Howard asked if Scott will mentor Jason now. Scott laughed and said he tries to do that all the time but Jason doesn't understand it.
Howard asked JD if he was surprised. JD said he had a glimmer of hope that he'd be the 122. He got some laughs when he said that.
Howard said that some of the guys had a crush on Dr. Muggli. Some of the guys may have had a crush on Dr. Sitt. Howard asked Eric if he was. Eric said he wasn't with him. Jeff said he had a great ass.
Howard said that Scott may have brainier things to do now. He may not want to even direct the show anymore. Howard asked if he was going to be on the Wrap Up Show today gloating. He said he's not sure he's welcome on there.
Howard said Jason has said that Scott isn't that bright because of the Video Caddy that he invented. Scott said he just came up with a new idea this morning on his way into work. He said it's a putting machine. The guys said that there aren't enough of those out there.
Howard gave some plugs to the doctors. You can check out Dr. Sitt at MindfulConsultingGroup.com and DrSitt.com. Dr. Muggli is at PsychologyToday.com. Howard wrapped up with the guys a short time later and went to another break.
Howard came back and said that Robin lost $500 in the betting. He said that she was out there in the hall just handing money out. She almost gave Richard $100 for a bet she didn't even have. Robin said that Sal asked her for the 100 and she went to give it to Richard because he's smarter.
Howard said that Robin lost a lot on Jeff the Drunk. Robin said that she was duped. She said that Eric is a high functioning retard.
Howard said he knows he owes money and he wants to know what he lost and won. Jon said that Gary won $900. He had a big bet with Howard. Howard owes him $500 on the bet about Sal being smarter than Richard. Howard said he's only in the hole for $350.
Jon ran down the list and told Howard what he owes to Robin and some other people. Howard asked if he could pay it all out for him. Jon said he'd do that. He said that the big winner was Gary. Scott DePace won $300. He could have won 200 more if he hadn't had the push in the last bet. He won by 10 points and it was a 10 point spread. Howard said that it was ''at least 10 points.'' Ralph said it's even. He said that they said it was a 10 point spread and that's exactly what it was.
Ralph said that Fred owes him 100 for the bet about JD. He beat JD pretty good. Scott asked about the bet he had with Ralph but Howard told them to take it off the air. Howard said if they listen to the audio then they might have a different outcome. Ralph said that Jon Hein even wrote down ''push'' on the bet card.
Jon said that Howard won $100 from Tim Sabean who thought Gary was going to be the winner. Jon said that Howard should give him $1000 and he'll get back $650.
Howard said that this was really upsetting for Jason. He said that he still looks like he's going to cry. Will came in and said that this might be a life changing thing for Jason. JD came in and said that Jason had to up his meds when he's lost at other things. Jason said he really wanted to win. He said he was very close. Jason said he's very happy with the IQ score but he's upset. Scott was laughing at him. Jason said he wasn't the one pumping himself up either. He said everyone else was pumping him up. Jason also said that he can't up his medication. He said he's maxed out already. Jason said that this was it for him. He said that there are no other tests that he's going to have a chance to win.
Ralph came in and said that he had some bets with Howard that he wanted to settle up on. Howard told him to go settle up with Jon Hein since he has his money.
Howard said he's going to make up a hairy back contest just so Jason can win. Robin said someone else would probably come in and win that.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that he wasn't hearing many congratulations for Gary. Howard said he and Robin did during the break. Howard said he's kept Gary there for how many years now too. Dominic thinks that Howard and Robin should do the IQ test. Howard said that they already talked about it. Dominic said that he's tested at a 156. Dominic would like to test again and put money up for charity. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard said he was tested as a kid and he came out pretty high but not as high as Gary or Scott.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this was one of the greatest shows in a long time. He said that he wasn't able to move listening to it. He said the next level should be guys like Angry Black vs. King of All Blacks. Howard said they will do it again with more people.
The caller said that Richard should be dressed as a professor when he gets his balls licked on the show. Howard said he's looking at some of the guys much differently today.
Another caller asked if they explained to Sal what just happened in the studio today. He said that all this time they thought he was tricking Richard into sucking his dick. Now it turns out that Richard was the one doing it. The caller went off on Scott DePace too and said that he's still not smart. Scott said he's the smartest one there... ''nah, nah!'' The caller said if he was smart he wouldn't have come up with a ''clamp'' as his Video Caddy.
Howard said no one can argue with Scott now. Howard said this whole thing was a mistake... a big mistake. Howard said the guy on the phone wanted to yell at Scott and he really can't. Scott said even if he lost he would argue.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said he was impressed with Gary. He asked if this is going to affect the way he interacts with people like Richard. Howard said he will probably change. Howard said that he may have to listen to Gary more when he suggests something.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and talked about how smart Gary is and how he should have won. She said that they'll never be able to live with Scott after that. She asked if she could be in the IQ test next. Howard said he doesn't think anyone cares how smart she is. Scott said he sure doesn't care. Mariann started to yell at him but Howard hung up on her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Richard is a fantastic drummer and he should get more credit for what he does. Howard said that it does show some kind of mathematical intelligence.
Robin asked Howard if he's changed his views on anyone. Howard said he thought Sal was going to be smarter until he tried to do math early this morning. Then he thought he was going to be stupider.
Another caller said that it's going to be tough to call Gary names now that he's come out so smart. Howard said he doesn't think that will keep them from making fun of him. He said that they won't be able to call him stupid anymore though. Howard said he really didn't think he was going to be in the top 3. Howard asked how he could be so smart and not know that the character's name is Baba Louie.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he hopes he sticks around there at SIRIUS. They spent a minute talking about the test results too.
Another caller said that High Pitch Eric is the genius because he just showed how incompetent he is so he can sue his family. Howard said that Eric dropped that case. He said Eric came to him later and said that he really did try his hardest in the test. Howard said he was trying to help him out by telling him to say he didn't try that hard.
Howard took a call from a guy using audio clips of Gary saying that he's an idiot and stupid. It was actually Sal in the back goofing on Gary. Howard said Sal is going to keep that going. Sal said absolutely. Sal had a conversation with the Gary clips and had him calling himself stupid. Howard said Richard might be upset that he's so much smarter than Sal.
The caller also said that Ralph isn't a real geek either. Howard said he's right about that. He said Ralph can get pussy when he wants. Ralph came in and said that he can't believe he has to defend himself on this. He said that he is into some geeky things but maybe he's not a full on geek. He said he has a life sized Iron Man mask in his apartment. That's pretty geeky.
Howard said he was reading about the movie ''Inception'' and how the director, Christopher Nolan, has some Joker masks in his office. He said he's hear about the stuff he has and the stuff that JJ Abrams has in his office. Ralph said that Jon Favreau has a full sized Iron Man costume in his office.
Howard said that he found out what happened to his DVD player. He said they tell him that it was defective. He said he pays top dollar for everything and this thing was broken the first time out of the box. He said he was all set to watch ''Resident Evil'' and he couldn't watch it.
Howard said that he's been trying to watch The Real L Word with Beth. He doesn't like the show but he wants to watch it with Beth. He said that one of the women looks like the Predator because of her dreads. He said the lesbians are really boring on the show though.
Howard said he heard that Ralph ran into Richard's office calling him a dummy. Ralph said he just wanted to see the test breakdown. He hasn't seen it yet. Howard had it there so he went over that with Ralph.
Ralph wanted Fred to pay up on his bet but Fred said that he should get it from Tim Sabean. He said that he's not going to pay Ralph directly. Ralph said he has to pay him directly. Howard said he really should pay him directly. Fred said he's not going to be lectured by Ralph. Howard told Ralph to get out. He said that really wasn't cool to Fred. Fred said he'll pay off his bet to anyone. He said he will get his money because he's not going anywhere.
Wendy said she wanted to prove to Richard that she was smarter than him. Howard told her she's doing fine. He said she's way smarter than he thought she'd be. Howard said she shouldn't care about Richard because he licks Sal's balls. She said she didn't know that.
Wendy said that she knows that Sal beat her in bowling and she wants to do that again. Howard said he might be able to set that up. Howard said that they could have Retarded vs. Barely Normal Intelligence at bowling. Wendy said that she has a high score of 150 without bumpers. Howard sounded shocked by that. Sal said he'll bowl left handed and beat that bitch. Wendy said that Sal is going down because she has a feeling she can beat his butt. Sal said that Wendy shoves tomatoes up her ass and eats them. Wendy told him he doesn't know jack crap.
Howard asked Wendy how she knows her score. She said she has the scores and she adds them up herself. She said she keeps copies of her scores at home. Howard said he may bet on Wendy. Sal said he's making a mistake because he's an awesome bowler. He said he'd bowl with his hard cock and beat her. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. He said that was the best right there. He could have his own channel there. Robin asked what the best Jimi Hendrix album was. Howard said it was ''Experience'' of course. Robin was wondering what to download so Howard told her to get that album.
Howard said the rumor is that he played all of the instruments on that album. Fred said he played everything but the drums. He said they had to have Noel Reading come in to play when they were out on the road.
Howard said his favorite Hendrix song is ''Voodoo Booey.'' He played the song parody he was talking about. Robin asked if Robert Johnson is the best guitar player ever. Howard said Jimi was. He said that the second best is Eddie Van Halen. Robin said she doesn't believe that for a moment. Howard said Leslie West is up higher than anyone thinks. Howard said Eddie innovated. He said no one can say that Clapton is better than Eddie Van Halen. Howard said it's Jimi, Eddie and then Eric Clapton. Fred said he'd throw Jimmy Paige in there too. Howard said Paige probably beats Clapton too. Fred said he probably does. Howard said he loves Cream but Clapton isn't the best. He said that Jack Bruce is amazing too. Howard said he's a great bass player.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone and asked who the best guitar player is. He mentioned someone by the name of Tetzu or something like that. Howard asked Mike if he's a big John Varvatos fan. Gary said he's actually there at SIRIUS doing a show. Howard said he loves that guy's clothes. He said most of the stuff he wears is from his place. Howard said that's the shirt that people were making fun of in the paper the other day.
Robin read a list of the best guitar players from Rolling Stone. The top 5 were Hendrix, Dwayne Allman, BB King, Eric Clapton, Robert Johnson. Howard said they've never even given Yoko Ono a bad review. That's who is picking the best guitar players. He said they gave Yoko Ono a 5 star review.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Shuli said that Jackie the Joke Man is going to shoot a documentary based on his Jokeland business. He said that Jackie is going to approach Howard to help out on that show. Howard said he's saying no now. He said he doesn't want to have that conversation with Jackie. He said that's the one thing he doesn't want to be part of.
Shuli said that Joey Boots has a new web site at JoeyBoots.com. He's got videos of bits and pranks that he's video taping. He also mentioned that it's Scott Ferrall's 45th birthday.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they have a special guest on the show tonight. That's Suzanne Muldowney AKA Underdog Lady. Mutt said that they're going to let her talk about her 30th anniversary of doing her underdog dance. Mutt said they're going to have to put the IQ test discussions on hold for now. They have guests like Jim Florentine, Don Jamieson and Shuli on the show too. Howard asked if Shuli is on every show there. He said he seems to be in high demand.
Ralph came in and said that Jillian Barberie texted him and called Scott some names after hearing that he won the IQ test thing. Scott said that she loved him at his wedding. He said that's a bunch of bullshit. Ralph said he has it in black and white.
Robin started off asking Howard if he knew what doing a donut meant. Howard thought it was something sexual but it's about a car doing a burn out in circles. Robin said that a high school student died when his jeep flipped over as they were doing a burn out. Robin said that it was a stupid thing to do and sometimes people just don't think.
Robin read about a mother who was stabbed to death by her husband. She had some details of that story that she went through.
Robin read about how Yoko Ono has to protest the release of Mark David Chapman. Howard said he can't believe they make her go through that. He's up for a parole board meeting next month. Robin said that Ono has to protest this every two years. Howard said that guy took away one of the greatest artists of all time. He said he should rot in prison and never see the light of day.
Robin mentioned that there's a new The Bachelor show coming out. Howard said he will be watching that. He said he watches every season.
Robin read that Leonardo DiCaprio is pulling out of a Mel Gibson directed film. Howard said that guy is hard to stomach and it must be hard for anyone to overlook what's going on. Howard said he had new Mel Gibson tape actually.
Howard said Mel made so many calls that he blew his voice out. He said he just gives up. Howard said he thinks this one was released today. He played the clip and Mel's voice was gone. He was barely able to speak. Mel said that he wanted to talk reasonably because of that. Mel said he realized that he didn't have to get mad anymore. He sounded normal in the call. Howard said this one was left in the middle of the afternoon.
Howard said Mel just wants to engage and get attention in any way he can. Howard said that Leonardo DiCaprio isn't going to want to work with someone like that. Robin read more about that story and Leo is pulling out because he doesn't need to risk his reputation on that.
Robin read the headline of a story about a woman who threw a new born infant out a window. Howard said he didn't want to hear that story. Robin said that she won't read it.
Robin said President Obama is going to be on The View this morning. She had some audio of the women on The View talking about what they spoke to Obama about. Howard said he voted for Obama and he really doesn't like that he's doing this show. Howard said he had a preview of what that will sound like. It was an edited clip of Obama talking and all of the women on the show just talking over one another so it was unintelligible.
Robin said that she had some audio of Joy Behar talking about how somber things got when they brought up the Afghanistan war. Howard said it would have been more fun if they had played a game where they blindfolded Obama and let him stick his finger in each woman and try to guess who he was smelling.
Robin read a story about Rod Blagojevich's court case and how that has gone to jury. Rod thinks that he'll be found innocent.
Robin read a story about the cow that had to be killed at a fair when it escaped from its corral. Robin said some protesters showed up and said they want that practice to be stopped. They think that they had other options. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if Scott is as smart as they say he is then you'd think that he's an under achiever. Howard said they could say that about Richard too. The caller said that Scott could come up with more than this ''golf buddy'' that he has. Robin said that this is going to go on and on and on. Howard said she's right about that.
Robin read a story about another oil leak. She said that a barge hit a well head and knocked it open. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that. Robin said this happens all over the world and that's what happens when you have off shore drilling.
Robin read a story about Jessica Simpson and how she could end up on American Idol as a judge. Howard said he heard they were going to do away with all of the judges. He said he just read that today but he also read the Jessica Simpson thing today too. Howard said he read that Kara Dioguardi may have been fired already. Robin said there are some other celebrities who are rumored to be up for that job too.
Robin said they're having trouble casting for Celebrity Rehab this season. Rachel Uchitel has pulled out of that show. Howard said she's known for fucking a golf player. He said he can't believe she's got people over a fuckin barrel. Robin said it wasn't clear if she's on the show or note based on the story she was reading.
Robin read a story about a karaoke bar that has made it big thanks to Demi Moore and Gerard Butler showing up to sing there. Howard said she's got a great singing voice. Robin said that they were there to film a movie when they showed up to the bar. Howard said he hates karaoke. He said Medicated Pete loves that stuff.
Robin read some news about the new season of Jersey Shore that's starting up soon on MTV. She had some audio of the cast talking about that too.
Robin said that Survivor is returning and they're going to have old vs. young players this season. Howard said he likes Jeff Probst but he doesn't watch the show anymore. They shot this show in Nicaragua so Howard said that sounds gross to him. Robin said that Jimmie Johnson is on this season on the older team.
Robin read about how Eminem is still on the top of the charts with his new album. She had some of his hit song that she played. Robin wondered what it is about him that people like. Howard said he has some energetic music and he has done a photo shoot with his music playing. He said that it worked too.
Howard said he was reading about how few records the record companies are selling this year. He said they're down by about half of what they were 10 years ago. Howard said that's how bad the record companies have taken a hit. Howard read that iTunes had 10 billion downloads. Apple get the bulk of the money too. Howard said he should have invested in Apple like Ralph told him to. Robin said the record companies are in bad shape. Howard said he hopes that Eminem is bringing in some subscribers there since he has his own channel.
Robin said that Jay-Z is upset about Lebron James going to Miami. Jay-Z wanted him to come to the Knicks. Robin said that Jay-Z felt disrespected that Lebron didn't consult with him on this move. Howard said he's not sure why Jay-Z thinks that anyone would consult with him about that.
Robin read a story about this guy Eric Benet who went out with Halle Berry. Robin said that he's putting out a new album so she had some clips of his single. Howard listened to that and said it was pretty mediocre. He said he was falling asleep listening to it. He said he should have stuck with Halle and just laid low. Howard went off on the guy for a few minutes talking about how dopey he is for screwing things up with Halle. Howard said he would do whatever she wanted him to do. He said that guy had to run off with some other woman.
Robin read a story about Madonna moving into her new mansion and how her daughter is bringing out a fashion line. Howard said her daughter is going to live on her money. He said that Paul McCartney's daughter has the same kind of thing going on. Robin said that Paul didn't push her into it though.
Robin had a couple of songs that she had Howard play. Robin said that it was Al Goodman who sang in the songs and he had just passed away.
Robin read that Zac Efron and Corbin Blue may be spending their hard earned money on strippers. They were seen in a Flashdancers club this week in New York City. Robin said they reportedly dropped $2,000 on VIP rooms and lap dances. Robin said they stayed from midnight until 3 in the morning.
Robin had some audio of Steve Carell talking about his new movie ''Dinner for Schmucks.'' Howard let that play for a few seconds before cutting it off.
Robin read about Chelsea Clinton's wedding. Howard said he doesn't really care. Robin said no one does. They're trying to make it out like she's some kind of princess or something but no one really cares.
Robin read a story about Zac Efron's new movie is coming out and she had some audio of some of his co-stars talking about that. Howard wondered why they're talking about this Zac Efron kid again. Robin said he's very popular. Howard didn't want to hear about it.
Robin read a story about Michael Keaton showing up in a new movie with Will Ferrall and Mark Wahlberg. Howard played that clip and listened to that for a few seconds before cutting it off. Howard said the guy is a good actor but not very well thought out. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon ran down this list of the scores...
After going through each one Jon and Gary would talk about each person for a short time. Jon said that the biggest surprise to some was Richard Christy. Jon said he knows Gary lost sleep over this but how is he feeling now? Gary said he's the big winner of the day in his mind. He said he was never even put in the discussion about being up there with Scott. He said that he was worried about the perception his co-workers were going to have of him. He said he thinks he did better than most people thought he would.
Gary said that he knew he'd be ahead of Sal. He said he thought he'd be ahead of JD but he figured he could have come in at 112 and he would have been fine with that. He said he would have been okay with a 110. Gary said he wouldn't have been thrilled.
Ralph said he's okay with what he got. He said he's okay with ''above average.'' Ralph said that there's a margin of error of 5 points so he figures that they're all pretty close up near the top. Jon said that Richard was giving it back to Ralph today because he's called him a retard so many times.
Scott came in and said that he had confidence against Ralph but the 10 point spread ended up being a tie. Scott said he originally bet something different but he's okay with that. Ralph said that Scott told him that he would beat him ''by at least 10 points'' but he only beat him by 9. Gary said he thinks he's with Scott on this one. He beat him by at least 10.
Scott said that he listened to the tape and Howard had asked if he was giving Ralph 10 points so it technically was a push.
Jon asked Richard what he thinks of this. Richard did a slow voice and said that Ralph was retarded. Ralph said he still thinks Richard is retarded. Richard told Ralph to keep talking.
Richard said he does a lot of apps on his iPhone trying to improve his intelligence and he never tries to say he's the smartest person. He said he was pretty confident doing the test though. Gary said that Sal was upset with him when he quizzed him recently and asked why they don't do that with Richard. Richard doesn't seem like he doesn't know anything so they don't have to quiz him.
Jon said that a lot of people didn't think Sal would do well but he did end up with a 102. Sal said that he told Howard to pick Richard over him. Gary said that Sal asked him multiple times why they don't test Richard. Sal said he said the same thing to Richard. He said that they never gave him a general knowledge exam. He said that he never threw Richard under the bus.
Gary told Sal that he has to think about this and understand why he's the only one who gets those tests. Sal said he has to give him that much.
Jon asked Sal how he feels about his score. Sal said he's okay being average. Richard said that Sal is just a few points off from Ronald Reagan who had a 105 IQ according to the internet.
Gary asked Sal what number he would have been bummed out with. Sal said he would have been okay with 98-105. Gary asked if he would be okay with double digits. Sal said he wouldn't but he would be okay with 98. The guys laughed when they heard that.
Jon asked if Jason was going to be okay. Gary said he should be. Scott said Jason seems very quiet. Jon said he knows he wanted to be the 122. Everyone was picking him to be the 122. Jon asked Scott and Gary if they were surprised that Jason was in third place. Gary said he was. Scott said that he knew that he was.
Ralph said that anyone in the top 3 is a big winner. Gary said that 5 points separated the top 4 so it was very close.
Jason said that it does suck not winning but he's okay. He said he's not going to jump out of a window or anything. Jason said he wanted to cross that 120 threshold. He said 118 is nothing to sneeze at and he's okay with it. He said he did lose to Scott and Gary but he doesn't think there's much difference between the top 4. Scott said that's bullshit. He said that he won. Jon said he's never seen Scott this happy before.
Jon had Teddy play the clip of Scott hearing that he won and telling everyone to ''suck it.'' After that Jon said that Scott was a really gracious winner. Scott said Robin sounded like she really didn't like him. Jason said that he used to think he was the most hated in the office but now it sounds like Scott is.
Jon said that Jason looked really bummed out when he didn't win. Jason said he really wanted to win. Richard asked if he thinks that the pot had anything to do with it. Jason said he doesn't smoke pot, that's illegal. Gary said it's legal in New Jersey. Jason said it's not until January.
Jason said the scores were very close. He said that Scott did win but they're not that far off. Scott said the only reason for that is because he didn't do well on the general knowledge part of the test. Jason and Gary thought that was kind of bullshit.
The guys went back and forth arguing about what parts of the test were more important. Jon said that Scott beat Gary by just one point and he's not giving him credit for that. Gary said that he was in the 99.5 percentile. He said he was surprised by that.
Gary said that his test scores were more even across the board than Scott's were. He said Scott did really, really well in one section and really bad in another.
Jon asked Richard where he did well. Richard said he didn't remember. He knows he missed some of the questions about authors and stuff like that. They didn't want to give away too many of the questions because they'll be doing more in the future.
Jon talked to JD about how some people thought he was a big disappointment. JD said he's average intelligence. He said he doesn't know what to say about that. He said he's okay with the 106. Jon asked if it makes him feel any different about how he thought about himself. JD said he'll forget about it in a week. Jason said that's because he has a low IQ. He said he was just joking but Ralph said he was going to say the same thing.
JD said that he had trouble elaborating on some of the questions. He said he would just say he didn't know. Jon asked if he knew he'd end up ahead of Sal. JD said he didn't know.
Sal ended up with a 102 with a ''solid average.'' Gary said he thinks that Jeff is really a 95 but he wasn't able to do stuff with his arm.
Sal said he thinks that he did pretty well today. He's of normal intelligence and he made a few bucks. Sal said he actually gave Robin all of his money back to Robin to give to her 15 Foundation. He said he felt bad about not being able to make it to her event at Caroline's that one night. He said he felt bad and gave it to her charity today. He won some other money though so he's going to hold on to it. He said he's saving that for a little ''oriental place.'' Sal said he did well in the memorization part of the test. He said that he's really proud of Richard too.
Jon asked why no one would stand near Jeff. Gary said that he was dripping in sweat and it was dripping on the floor. Richard said he had a puddle of sweat in his palm when he shook his hand. Gary said he was sweating too and it was all nerves.
Ralph said that Jeff had really tight shorts on and he had camel toe showing. He said he apparently has no penis. Sal said that Jason looked all blotchy too. Jon said he felt that Jason was near tears at one point. Jason said he wasn't but he was kind of bummed out because he didn't win.
Gary said that High Pitch Eric didn't have that look on his face like he was upset. He just had that same hang dog look he always has. Jason said that's because he's retarded. Jon wondered if he really tried on that test.
A caller asked Will how hard it was for him to be in the room while Howard was going over the answers. Gary asked how hard it was for him to be in there yesterday. Will said it wasn't hard, it was awesome. He said he loved hearing them placing the bets and knowing that Ralph wasn't going to beat Richard was great. Will said he loves to fuck with people too so he loved it all.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Scott that having a high IQ doesn't mean that he has any common sense. He also said he'd love to know how Fred would do on an IQ test. He thinks that he'd do very well.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks he has a higher IQ than Fred. Scott said it could be but he's not sure. The guys wanted Jon to test too. Gary asked if he's ever heard his IQ from anyone. Gary said he saw ''+16'' in a teacher's notes one time but he wasn't sure that the plus was for.
Jon said that he's never heard a number and he has no reason to want to take one for the show. He said there is no upside to it. Jason said that Jon isn't a team player. Jon said that Howard, Robin and Fred aren't taking it so they must not be team players either. Scott thinks that Jon should just take it. Jon said that he'll take it if they really want him to.
The guys were wondering how Steve Grillo would do on the test. They figured that he'd come in around Sal's IQ. Gary said he thinks it might be lower. Jon said he'd like to know Gange's score.
Gary said he was talking to Howard about why 17 doctors turned them down to do the test. He said it's brutal. He said that most of the testers didn't think it was ethical because they were doing it to make people feel bad about themselves.
Gary said he had fun taking the test. He said it was very interesting and he has a whole different mindset on how it works. Ralph said he didn't know it was going to be two hours long. Richard said he came out of there dizzy after the two hours. Ralph said he took a break after the math part of the test.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's glad that Richard ''done what he done'' because it makes him feel better. He said that it makes them down south feel better. Gary said that Richard is from the mid-west though.
The caller also pointed out that it was Ralph who saw Jeff's small penis. Richard said Ralph was wearing an ankle bracelet too. Ralph said it's a piece of string, not a bracelet.
Ralph said he's very happy with his score. He said that he knew he did well on the parts he guessed he did well on. Richard said he had to thank the people who had confidence in him. He said that he really appreciates that.
Sal said that he's very pleased with his score. He said he likes being ''normal.'' Jason said he doesn't feel any dumber. He said he feels the same. He said he expected to score high. Scott pointed out that he was 4 points lower than him.
Richard said he asked if you can improve your Brian power and the doctors said that you can. Gary said he asked the doctor if age is taken into account. He said the doctor said that your IQ is pretty much your IQ for life. It doesn't really change. He said that it doesn't make sense though because some of the questions are things you wouldn't know when you're younger.
The guys went over some of the types of questions they had in the test but didn't give away too much. They said a lot of it was pretty common stuff. Richard said he thinks that his job helps him out with the math because they have to use numbers when they make prank calls. He said that they have to remember the numbers they rattle off to each other. Gary asked why it didn't help Sal then. Sal said he did very well in those sections on the test.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that she thought that the way they brag she thought that they'd be much higher than they were. Scott said it's just bravado. He said he really doesn't think that Jason is dumb. He said that you just brag when you argue. Jason said that he knew Scott would score up high. He never said Scott wouldn't.
The caller wanted to know how Fred would do. The caller was wondering about how Ronnie would do too. Sal said he thinks he'd be around a 97 or so. Gary said that Ronnie has a lot of information in his head from driving around so he might be able to analyze things. Ralph said he doesn't have to think that hard. He said that he just knows how to get somewhere. That's his job.
Gary said that they may have to have a contest where they have people ''Don't Beat Sal's IQ.'' He said they could have Wack Packers come in. They mentioned a bunch of names of people like Eric the Midget, Big Foot and John the Stutterer. The guys all said that John the Stutterer could beat Sal. Sal even agreed on that.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated Scott on his win. He said he doesn't understand why they convinced Howard not to go with Scott. They convinced him to back right out of it. He thinks that it all comes down to Scott's political views. Scott agreed. Scott said Robin kept telling Howard how great Jason was. He said that everyone was against him. He said they don't want him to win because he's a conservative. Scott said Robin didn't want him to win because of that.
A caller asked what he had to do to get to go out to lunch with Sal and Richard. Gary said he can't open up that door because they're already going crazy with tours of the studio.
Jon asked Sal and Richard where they came up with the idea to do the tea bagging thing with Gary. Sal and Richard came up with that at the last minute. Gary said there was no upside to that whole thing. Sal said he wanted to make it exciting to the audience. It was just in the nature of the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they have a 95 percent confidence level and it's a 5 percent, not 5 point difference. He said that they were within some very razor thin margins with the top 3 or 4.
Jason said that he got Wendy the Retard's scores and he was told that her score was a 5 point swing according to the doctor. He didn't understand all of that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon and Gary talked about how they thought Tim Sabean would do. They were thinking that he'd test pretty high. Benjy would test pretty high too. Gary said he thinks that Benjy could beat Tim but he could never do Tim's job because of his organizational skills.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the test proves Sal was the dumbest guy to ever work for the show. Gary said KC scored an 88 so no.
Sal said that testing is one thing but being creative is another. He said this number proves that he's normal but he can do his job there very well.
Gary said that Sal has very good social skills and he was a salesman. He said he was able to sell and that's a talent. Sal said he's good with things that he's passionate about. He said it's a really big deal for him to do things for the show.
Ralph asked about the testing that someone did online. Scott said that he tested at a 126 online and JD tested at a 106 so it must be pretty accurate. Ralph said he did a test and got a 110 so they must be pretty good. Gary said they spent a lot of money doing these tests and they wanted to do the ''real'' thing.
Jon asked about how Howard was complaining about people not betting. Gary said Tim Sabean didn't even know he wanted people betting so he came in and placed a couple of bets. Gary said they had to guess on it all. they could take the tests again and end up with different scores.
Sal said he thinks that Brian Phelan could do very well on the test. He said he thinks that he'd shock people with how smart he is. He said he thinks that he'd be the dark horse in that situation. He didn't mean to make him sound stupid but he thinks he'd do very well.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's glad that Scott won. He said he doesn't agree with his political views but he's glad he won. He also said that he thinks that everyone but maybe Gary would survive without Howard. Gary said he has a high confidence level about making it. The caller said he actually meant Jason because he's not sure what talents he has. Scott said that Jason logs the show and takes pictures.
Ralph thinks that Jason could go work anywhere and get a job. He said he has a great skill set. Ralph said that Jason can be so useful and he could end up as a CEO's right hand man. He said he's right up there and he's surprised that he didn't win. Ralph said that Jason can really type fast and he can come up with some great stuff when he asks. He said he's very good at what he does.
Jon asked if Howard is happy about the people he has working for him now that he's seen these tests. Gary said that he should be because he has all of these high scoring guys and they're the guys he trusts the most. Jason asked if Howard would have been weirded out if Gary had come in at a 143 IQ. Gary didn't think so.
Sam Simon called in and said that he's not sure what Sal wants to do after the show but he thinks he could be the big loser. He said that the average IQ in the Simpsons room was like 135 or 140. He said that on all of the shows he's worked on the room was filled with extremely high IQ individuals. Gary asked what they might be in a room for a show like Reba. Sam said he didn't work on that so he's not sure. Gary said that it doesn't look like a very clever room so he's not sure how high the IQs might be. Sam said that Sal is going to have a black mark on him when this show is over. He said he was about to say ''scarlet letter'' on him but he realized that Sal wouldn't understand that.
Sam said that if you don't understand what they're talking about then he's not going to get it. Sal said he understands perfectly. He said Sam is being a douche bag. Sal said he writes for the greatest show in the worked and he's produced plenty of stuff. Sam said that it's Howard's gift that makes him funny on the show. He said that the Howard Stern Show is different than anything else in this business. Sal said he thinks he could fit in anywhere else.
Sam said he's worried about Sal and he's turning on him. Sal said he's not turning on him. He said maybe Sam can throw some money and him and they can hang out like he and Ralph do. They had to end the show a short time later.
Best of the Week was over around 11:15am.