|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking to George Takei who was going to be sitting in all week. George said that it had been too long since he had been there. He said he had been working in England in a play for a while. He said he was in a play where he was doing pantomime. He said he played the emperor of China in the play. Howard asked how long he was on stage for. George said he was in all 3 acts. He said he didn't have a ton of lines though.
Howard said he's amazed by guys who can remember a whole play. George said there are plays where the actors are on stage the whole time and they remember. Howard said that sounds tough to him. Robin said people do brain surgery too.
George said that doing the Howard Stern show every morning is tough too. Howard said that's not all that much skill. He said he irritates and makes people crazy.
George said that the one absence that he really misses is Artie. Howard said he heard that George wrote a letter to Artie's family after his suicide attempt. George said he phoned him and sent an email. He said he sent a card too and didn't get a response to anything. George said he wrote to his sister Stacy and she hasn't responded either.
Howard asked what he writes in the letter. George said he wrote about how much he's loved and he hopes he'll see him back on the show again. Howard asked what kind of card he sent. George said he sent a ''get well'' card. Howard said that's kind of funny. They both laughed. Howard asked Robin if she could imagine getting that card.
George asked what kind of card Howard would send. Howard said he wouldn't send any. He said he did speak to Artie about a month ago. He told George that he sounded more up when he did speak to him. George said he had never spoken to him when he was down. He only spoke to him when he was on the show and not in that low place in his life.
Howard said he has spoken to Artie when he has been down. He said Artie doesn't show that side of him when George is in though.
Howard said it was great to have George sitting in this morning. He said he'd speak to him later. Robin brought up the commercial that George is in for Sharp TVs. Howard brought up the fact that George is in a commercial where they talk about a new color they use in the TVs and it's yellow. Howard said some people think that they were making reference to his skin color but he can't believe that's the case. George doesn't believe that's what's going on there either. He said that he's Asian but he doesn't think that the yellow had anything to do with them casting him.
Howard asked what the yellow does. George said they have more of an array of colors with the yellow in there. He said the color is much richer when you see it. He said the commercial is national and European so he was paid pretty well to do it. Howard said it sounds like a nice payday for him. George said he did get a good hunk.
George says ''Oh my'' in the commercial so he told Howard that it was his idea to do that because it was so popular on Howard's show. He said that they had him talking about how ''fantastic'' it looked but he suggested the ''Oh my'' thing.
Howard said that he also saw a PSA that George did for the census and he saw that Brad was sitting there in a tin foil hat while George was in his Star Fleet uniform. George said that Brad didn't want to be upstaged by him. Howard played some of the PSA he was talking about. Howard said it was kind of visual though so he wasn't sure if he was going to play the whole thing. Howard said he should have been wrestling with Brad in the video. He said that would have been funny. Howard said they could have wrestled and smacked each other in the face with their penises.
Howard played more of the PSA and said he didn't know how effeminate Brad is. He said George is obviously the man in that relationship. Howard played more of the audio for Robin because she wasn't noticing the effeminate thing. Howard did an impression of Brad and George said he's not that feminine. Howard said he is a bit effeminate.
Howard said he's learning more about Brad and George now that he's hearing this audio. George told Howard that Brad pulls his own weight at home. He said he works hard and takes care of the home. Robin said that's what a wife would do too. They said that Brad kind of calls the shot sexually too. He said that's just like a wife. Howard said if Brad buys him something expensive he probably gives him extra anal too.
George told Howard that they're taking care of some nieces and nephews this weekend and they're having a great time with them. Howard said they were just getting into the Brad sex thing. Howard asked if Brad is known as uncle or aunt. George said that they're both uncles.
Howard asked if the kids are confused by the two men thing. George said that they're not confused at all. They were at their wedding too.
Howard said he read that the best man at George's wedding was Walter Koenig and he just lost his son to suicide recently. George said he has spoken with him and he heard that it wasn't looking good before he went up and found his son up in Vancouver. George said that he always thought the boy was very up and he never showed any sign of being depressed. Howard said the kid was a good kid and played ''Boner'' on Growing Pains. Howard said the kid was good looking too and he must have gotten laid a lot. George said he was a great kid.
Howard asked George if he went to the funeral. George said he went to the service. He said that Walter was very upset about the whole thing. He said Walter has other kids too.
Howard asked if William Shatner showed up. George just laughed. He said that in a year or so he'll probably complain that he wasn't invited. Robin asked if Leonard Nimoy showed up. George said he wasn't there but maybe he had something going on.
Howard asked if any Trekkies showed up to the funeral. George said they kept it private so no one showed up. Howard said he feels bad for the guy. George said he just doesn't understand depression. He said that life is such a wonderful gift and life is so fleeting. George said that every moment of life is so wonderful and precious and before you know it, it's gone.
Howard said he knows a guy who has a gay kid and the father is laying a trip on the kid. He said the father is a flaming asshole and he's just dumb. Howard said it's weird when a parent is like that. The guy on the phone said he'd never do that. The guy said it's much more accepted than it was 20 years ago. George said that society is changing. Howard said it's sad when someone has to hide in the closet with something like that.
Howard let the caller go and took another call from a guy who said that Jamie Foxx and his radio guys were going off on him. The guy said that they were calling him a honkey and stuff like that.
Howard said that Fred and some other people sent him some audio of them talking shit about him. He said he thinks that Jamie wants to get into some kind of pissing contest and he doesn't want to go there. Howard said that he knows stuff about Jamie that might not be comfortable for him. He said that he likes Jamie and he doesn't want to go there.
Howard said that they had talked about this ''Precious'' chick and the crew on Jamie's Foxx Hole channel started in on him about the Gabourey Sidibe comments. Howard said they started up with him and when they do that he'll comment. Howard said that he doesn't know anyone over there and he knows that they're not popular. He doesn't care about Jamie Foxx. He says he's a friend of his but he's really not. Howard said he doesn't consider him a friend anymore. He said he's taken pokes and jabs at him saying he's not relevant anymore. He's just going to end this now. He said he has a shit load of stuff on Jamie and he doesn't want to go there. Howard said he doesn't dislike him and he's very talented but he's not going to get started.
Howard said it seems like Jamie wants to get started with him but he's not going to get started with the Foxx Hole. He's not going to let it escalate. He said Jamie can say what he ants but no one is going to hear it. Howard said he doesn't want the guy coming in there anymore telling him he's a friend and then stabbing him in the back. He said he's a phony and he's done with that.
Howard said that they called Miley Cyrus a ''white bitch'' when she was just 15 years old. Howard said that's not cool either. Howard said that Jamie can stand up for his crew if he wants. Howard said he's not going to open up the next can of worms with the guy. He said he has enough to deal with. Howard said he could be a man and said that Robin is the ''house negro'' to her face. Howard said if he has a bug up his ass about him then come in there and say it to his face like a real man. Howard said he'll tell Jamie his whole story if he does that. Howard said he's not sure if Jamie is washed up or not but maybe he's trying to get attention. Howard said they might not be playing for the same team. He said they might be on different teams all together.
Howard said that this whole thing seems like a professional wrestling bit or something. They all seemed to be hyping it up like it was a bit when they were doing that on their show. Howard said he doesn't even know one person's name on that show other than Jamie. He said that he's not sure what channel they're on or anything like that. He doesn't want Jamie saying he's his friend because he's clearly not.
Howard said that Jamie can go make movies and keep doing that and just stop coming in there. Howard said he heard the radio show and it sounded like bad radio to him. Howard said it sounded like the old Aresenio show to him.
Howard said they should call the charade off. He said that he'll just ignore him from now on. He said it's bullshit and he sounds silly going off on him. Robin asked what the ''house negro'' comment was supposed to do. Howard said that he's not sure but Robin goes out and does a lot of great things in this world. Robin said that's a very old term and she's not sure it has relevance anymore. Howard said he could get into a lot more stuff about Jamie but he's going to skip it.
Howard asked how old Jamie is and if he's going to settle down with a nice girl. Fred said he apparently can't find the right girl. Howard said he loves Jamie and there is no problem between them as far as he's concerned. He said he can't be saying he's a fried of his anymore. He said if he has a problem with him he has to say it to his face.
George wasn't sure what Howard had said about Gabourey so Howard explained to him what he had said. He said that he was pointing out that she was fat and she wasn't going to get leading roles and people were upset with him and it led to people discussing him. He said that he had pointed out that Jamie Foxx was making fun of her weight too and the people on The Foxx Hole were goofing on him about doing it but not goofing on Jamie.
Howard said that the crew got on and ripped him a new asshole and they were calling him names. He said they called him a pelican and they were throwing the Jew thing out there. He said he got on the air and gave it to them and now Jamie is saying that he's not playing on their team. Howard said he's not going to take that shit.
Howard said that this could get ugly and it's really not worth it. He said he respects him as an actor but he's not a friend. He said there is total animosity between them right now. George said that's too bad.
Howard said that show sounded like third grade kind of stuff and he's going to try and take the high road. He said it's up to them and they can do what they want. He said he could bring up a lot of stuff if he really wanted to go to war with them.
Howard ended up asking George if he had ever had anything in his ass and what it felt like. George said there can be pain there and it can feel very engorged. Howard told Jamie to take whatever he has up his ass out of there. Howard said he sounds like he's not really a friend.
Howard said they were reporting on the Jesse James interview that they replayed last Friday. He played some clips of some news reports about that replay. In the clips they played some of the audio from the show where Jesse talked about his relationship with Sandra Bullock.
Howard said he was reading more about Jesse James and the chicks he was with. He talked about the girl that had tattoos all over her body and face. He said that's really hard core stuff. Howard said he wants to get some tear drops on his face to make people think he killed a bunch of people.
Howard said he was reading about some kids who were on a subway over the weekend. they threw some garbage out the door and this one guy got hit by it and he ended up stabbing one of them to death. Howard said he doesn't understand why someone would just throw garbage out the window like that. He said someone is going to have to pock it up. Robin said they're not thinking about that and they're just kids who are irresponsible. Howard said that they haven't caught that guy.
Howard said he was reading about the Pope this weekend too. He said that when the Pope was a Cardinal he apparently covered up some sexual abuse stuff. He said that this priest was abusing deaf boys and one of the priests reported it to the Pope when he was still a cardinal. He said that the guy covered up the whole thing. Howard said they went to this Ratzinger guy and filled him in on what was going on and the offender just said he was repenting and said he wasn't doing it anymore. Howard said they covered it up and just let it be.
Howard said if you take this outside of the church and make it regular people then it's going to be a huge thing and everyone would be in jail. Howard said that people would be freaking out if this wasn't church related. Howard said what should really happen is that it should go to court and someone should be held accountable for what went on. He said those kids are probably fucked up from having that kind of thing done to them and someone should go to jail over it.
Howard said that they had some kind of service over the weekend and they were having people pray for the Pope because they felt like they were going after him. Howard said that something has to be done in an official way and they have to stop all of this from going on.
Howard asked what happened with the guy and George said that the other boy was away doing something else. He said the camp counselor came in and started talking and exposed himself to him. He said they were going to compare themselves to each other. He said that it was shocking and wonderful though. Howard asked if he was shocked by the hair on his penis. George described what the guy looked like and how he had blonde hair on a very tan arm. He said he showed him his chest hair that was blond as well. He also showed him his blond pubic hair. Howard asked what he said to him. George said he touched that. Fred threw in his ''I like to touch'' clip during that.
Howard asked if he blew him. George did get blown by the guy. George said it was just the one time but it was near the end of the summer when it happened. George said that Howard always gets him to say stuff that he never says. George said that years later he was watching the news and there were some plane hijacking's going on at the time. He said that this one plane got hijacked and one of the people interviewed was this guy. George said that he recognized him right away. Howard asked if he jerked off when he saw him on TV. George said he didn't do that. He said he just recognized him.
The caller said he thought Howard was going to have a panic attack over the whole thing. Howard said he doesn't have panic attacks over that. He has them over chess. Howard said he was at this Marshall chess club he goes to since Beth was away yesterday. Howard said that he lost to a high school kid. He said he didn't give the kid any challenge at all. He said he didn't like being beaten by a kid though. Howard said the game was two hours long and the kid had him after about 16 moves. He said he didn't play well.
Howard said he thinks he has a blister on his hand from shaking so many hands at the chess club. He said he didn't do anything that would bring on a blister so maybe he caught something. Robin told him he has to stop doing this stuff that brings on anxiety. Howard said he had anxiety but he got over it when he got down there.
Howard said he played the game against this high school kid and lost. He got all upset that he played poorly. He wasn't so upset he lost, just that he played so bad.
Howard said his friend told him to just show a picture of his wife to the kid he lost to. Howard said he could have done that because the kid had to go home and do homework and he was able to go home and bang his wife.
Howard said people were taking pictures of him and stuff and he really didn't want to do that. He said guys were asking to be on the radio show and things like that. Howard said he just wants to go there and play a game. Howard wondered if Jamie Foxx plays chess. He said he's heard that Sting plays but he's not going to call him and ask to play a game. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Gary and Jon Hein were explaining something to him and he has no idea what they were saying. He said it was something about Wi-Fi and AT&T service but his head was spinning. He said he's not even using AT&T anymore. He said he uses Verizon. He said that AT&T cell service doesn't work but Verizon will even work in basements in the city. Robin said there is one spot where AT&T works better than Verizon and that was down in Miami at baggage claim.
Howard said they say that AT&T is bad because of the iPhone use. Robin said they use up a lot of bandwidth with video and stuff. Gary said that it's all of the cell use and the data use that the iPhone uses that leads to the problems. Howard thanked Gary the Techno Beaver for his update.
Howard said he thinks that he and Ben Stiller are supposed go to out to dinner this week. Howard said Beth is away though and he's not sure if he'll be able to fit that dinner in. He said he's not good being friends with anybody.
Howard said he's always very busy during the day. He said he barely has time to say hello to anyone. He said he really doesn't have interest in doing that anyway. He said that it's very difficult to carve out any time for anyone. Even Fred.
George said he's surprised that Howard goes to see a psychiatrist. Howard said that he has to do that. Howard said he will go in and talk to the shrink today and he'll talk about the blister he has on his hand. He said that's going to be the subject he talks about. He thinks that he caught it from shaking hands. Howard showed it to George but George couldn't even see it. Howard showed it to Robin and Lisa G. He said it wasn't from the chess game. George said it could be from washing his hands too vigorously. Howard said maybe he burned it on the microwave when he reheated his lasagna.
Howard said he heated the lasagna for like 11 minutes and Beth told him it was supposed to be like 4. He said that it was all over cooked and stuck to the plate. He said that it was like rubber and he was so looking forward to eating it.
Howard said that the blister will be a major discussion today at the shrink. Robin said that may be Howard's way of avoiding the real issues. Howard said the shrink will get to the real issues. He cuts right through the bullshit.
Howard was saying that he has to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist because the psychiatrist is a ''real'' doctor. He said that guy can prescribe medication. Howard said he knows he'll be there all day talking about the blister. He said that the lasagna was just a theory. He said that it could have been from the steam.
Howard said he was thinking about the lasagne all day long. He started thinking about it at 2 and got home around 4. He said he was going to head it up and eat it even though it wasn't dinner time. He said he doesn't play by the rules.
George told Howard he has a very beautiful thumb. Howard said that was kind of creeping him out. He thanked him for that though because he was making him feel good about himself.
Howard said Beth was away this weekend so he was working out and checking out his body to see what kind of shape he's in. He said he stripped down and weighed in at 191 pounds. He said that's super low for a 6'5'' tall man. He said he should be around 230 with ripped muscles. Howard said he has a belly roll. Lisa said that's what they call a ''muffin top.''
Howard said he wanted to check out his ass so he started dancing around like Erin Andrews in her hotel room. Howard said the lighting in his apartment was set up by a pro and he turned around and there was cellulite and ripples on his ass. Howard said he wonders why he runs every day. George told Howard he shows great wisdom in going to his psychiatrist.
Howard wondered why he bothers running and working out. Robin said she finds it hard to believe that he has all of this going on after working out so much. Howard said Beth is so perfect in his eyes. He said that he shows her his ass on his way into the bathroom and she has to see the cottage cheese back there and want to vomit. George said that Howard is healthy though. Robin said maybe she averts her eyes.
Howard said he's been going to the shrink for 3 or 4 days a week for the past 12 years. He said he asks the guy when he's going to cure him and it never happens.
Lisa told Howard that she has issues too and sometimes there just isn't anything you can do to get rid of some stuff. Howard said he has done lunges with bricks in a back pack and he still has a fat ass. Howard said he's not sure how the body builders do it. George said they don't have to do a radio show or have any kids to take care of.
George told Howard that he should be happy where he is. He said that age and gravity are doing their thing to him and he can't help it all. Robin said that George wasn't that easy on Brad. George just laughed.
Lisa said that they also spoke to Graham Nash about doing the Stern show. Howard said he wishes he knew that he was up there. He said he would have loved to have had him on the show. Lisa said he was up there the week they were off.
Howard played some of Nash's stuff and said his kids love this stuff. He said that the songs still give him chills. Howard said he wanted to help out the world after hearing that song. He said they should all go down to Guatemala. That led to them showing George some of the food that Robin ate down there. Howard said it looked like diarrhea.
Howard said he saw an ad for Playboy cologne recently and he wondered who buys that stuff. Robin said that Ronnie used to buy that kind of stuff. He would buy anything Playboy related. Howard said he can imagine the guys who are buying that stuff and thinking that it's going to help them get laid.
Howard mentioned that this new Joan Jett movie looks like it might be good. He said that the girl playing Joan, Kristin Stewart, looks just like her. He wondered if the movie is out yet. Robin said she's not sure if it's even out.
Howard said he likes that the guy from the Twilight movies, Robert Patinson, had a bomb of a movie over the weekend. It only made like $8 million. He said he saw another movie that made $131. That was Uma Thurman's movie. He wondered how that went so wrong. Howard said they said that in one theater only one guy bought a ticket.
Howard said he thought Hot Tub Time Machine was going to do better at the box office. Howard said the NY Post gave it a 4 star review.
Gary said The Runaways (Joan Jett) movie opened up on March 19th in limited release. Howard said he wants to see that. Howard said there are a lot of movies like that and no one is going to see that. Gary said they have to get some word of mouth going and then they get some buzz going. Howard said he wants to see Greenberg too. Robin didn't even have that on her list. Gary said it made $1.2 million in 181 theaters.
Howard said he saw that Courtney Love put out a new album with Hole and he was reading about what was going on with that. He wondered if it's possible that it could be good. He said they may have to get a hold of it to listen to it to find out.
Howard mentioned that this radio guy in Detroit just retired and he thought the guy was really good. He said he did kind of a cheesy radio show but he liked it. He said the guy had a really long career in Detroit. Howard said he was one of those guys that was a really good performer who was only known in Detroit. Howard said he rarely gives any radio guys shout outs other than Bubba and Ferrall.
Howard told Hanzi that he had to go but Gary came in and said that Hanzi was sending him some really crazy emails this weekend. Hanzi didn't want him talking about it and he was freaking out. Gary said Hanzi is really paranoid and he was going to a party and in his mind he was paranoid that people might be jealous of him for being known on the show. He said that he thought he might not get out of the party alive so he gave him the names of the people who he thought might do something to him. Howard said this guy needs help.
Hanzi said he thought that people were going to show up to the party. He said he has people who don't like him and they might be jealous of him and do something to him. Howard said that Hanzi gets on the air maybe once or twice a week. He asked if he thinks that people are really that jealous. Hanzi said he does have some people like that and he has stuff that can prove it.
Howard asked what people are scheming against him and why. Hanzi said he has friends who are jealous of what he does and they think they can get to him by buttering him up. Hanzi said he really doesn't know. He said he knows what Howard is going to do by making him sound crazy. Howard said this is almost pathetic.
Howard said that no one is jealous of him. Hanzi said that people will like do stuff when he says he's going to New York and stuff. Howard said he can't imagine being jealous of Hanzi. Howard said he lives with his mom and dad and he's not a young guy. Howard said that no one even thinks that he's famous.
Howard said he doesn't get it. Hanzi freaked out on him saying he was an asshole and that he knows that he wants to get him all worked up. Hanzi said that the letter he sent to Gary was about some people that could have shown up to the party and done something to him.
Hanzi was freaking out and barely able to speak to Howard. Howard goofed on the way he wasn't able to get out a sentence. Hanzi was stuttering and barely able to tell Howard what he was thinking. Fred started with an impression of him too.
Gary said that the letter was about the people they should look into if they never heard from Hanzi again. Hanzi said that they know a lot of stuff about him there at the show. Gary said he thinks that they secretly know who he is like they just pretend on the air that they don't know.
Howard asked Hanzi if he warned his parents that he might not be coming home. Gary said it was just him. Hanzi said that they're fucking pricks man. Hanzi was trying to get his thoughts out but he would just give up like JD does.
Howard said that Hanzi is the one who wants to go to parties and kill people. He said that no one is after him like he thinks. Howard asked why he would go to a party if he thinks that people want to kill him. Hanzi said he never said that's what was going on. Howard said that he should call the police if he thinks that people are after him.
Hanzi said he doesn't go out much. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. Hanzi said he knows that people are going to write to him about all of this. Howard told Hanzi to wear a disguise when he goes out to parties. Hanzi said maybe Howard is irrelevant if no one knows who he is. Howard said he must be.
Hanzi said he has people offering him money to go to New York all the time. He said they want him to bring them to meet Howard. Hanzi said they claim they don't have an ulterior motive but they do. Hanzi said that people do get mad if he can't get them a tour of the studio or something like that. He said he finds out later that they just used him.
Howard said he feels bad for Hanzi. He told Gary to make sure he can come up there all the time. Howard took a call from a guy who asked what's wrong with this guy. Hanzi told the guy to shut the fuck up and get off the phone. The other guy just laughed. Hanzi said he hopes this guy dies.
Howard took some more calls from people who said they didn't want to hear Hanzi on the air. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she never gets death threats when she goes out and she's on the air all the time. Another couple of guys told Howard to get him off the air. One guy told him that he's going to get him. Hanzi said that he'll fuck him up. The caller said he's going to slit his throat at the party.
Howard told Hanzi to come in there anytime. Hanzi said he'd get arrested in a second if he came down there because he's a Pakistani. Howard said he's not going to get arrested. Hanzi said he was down there one time and he stayed in his hotel the whole time. Robin said that Hanzi looks strange, it doesn't matter that he's Pakistani.
Hanzi pointed out that they have quite a crew there too. He said that Jason and Richard Christy aren't exactly models. Howard said he had a good point there. He said that the guys are kind of odd looking. Howard said Hanzi is right about that. There are no Calvin Klein models walking around there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Hanzi skipped out on a food bill at some college. Hanzi didn't seem to know what the guy was talking about.
Howard took another call from a guy who was trying to get Hanzi all worked up. Howard said he had to go after that. He said he was sorry he had a bad weekend. Hanzi said he didn't have a bad weekend. He said everyone at the party were fucking cool. Howard said they're all cool. Hanzi said that they all think he's a shit head there. He said that's why Howard doesn't have him on the air. Howard asked him what kind of medication he's on. Hanzi said he's on Effexer or something. Howard didn't know what it was but he told him to double the dose. Robin told him to just stay home and not double the dose.
Howard told Hanzi he can come in there anytime. Hanzi said he won't be coming in. He said the people he knows just pretend to be fans of the show. Howard said that was enough for the day. He thanked him for calling in and let him go.
Howard had George do another quick announce as they went to commercial. George talked about Robin going to Guatemala.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who asked George about hiding his beating off from his girlfriend. He said that he knows George beats off in the shower but he can't do that. Howard said he has tried too and it doesn't work for him either. George said you soap up your body and let the water dribble on your penis. He said then you wrestle with yourself or wrestle with your penis.
Howard said he's tried to have sex with a woman in a pool and it doesn't work there either. George said it doesn't work with a man. The caller said he has trouble standing up while doing that. Howard said he had heard enough of that and hung up on the guy.
Another caller asked Howard if he's keeping up with True Blood and is looking forward to season 3. Howard said he is and he thinks that it's one of the best shows on TV. The caller said that Howard is the reason that he wakes up in the morning so he hopes he sticks around.
Another caller said he doesn't get a chance to listen much anymore but he is a big fan. He said he heard Howard talking about the Jamie Foxx deal and he switched over to hear what they were saying. He said they were killing him. Howard said it all sounds phony to him and he doesn't care. He said that he's not going to get into it anymore. Howard said he thinks that this reeks of desperation. Howard said he could get into a lot of stuff about him but he doesn't want to get into it. Howard said that Gary gave him some information about how bad Jamie's movies have been since ''Ray'' and he basically owes about $348 million to Hollywood. Howard said he's not sure what he did to this guy or what his problem is but he's done with that.
Howard read about some of the movies Jamie has done since ''Ray'' and how most of them had lost money. Howard said he seems to do okay when he's in an ensemble movie but not when he does something alone.
Howard said he's not even sure what they're arguing about. He said it sounds like phony pro-wrestling to him. He said he's not sure what he's involved with. He said he could say a lot of other stuff and he doesn't want to get into it.
Howard said he was watching the video and he can't imagine who would be upset with it. He said there should be more videos like that where they put energy and money into stuff like that. He said he wouldn't mind his kids seeing it at all. Howard said he wouldn't even mind Robin's kids seeing it either.
Howard said Sal and Richard called Tradio again. He said he listens to this kind of radio and thanks god that his career went a certain way and he didn't have to do a show like that. Howard said they trade stuff on a radio show.
Howard said Richard got on the show and the host put up with him forever doing his nonsense. They don't even get calls to interrupt them.
Howard played the call which was actually a Trading Post radio show. In the call Richard gets the host on the phone and asks what the call in number is for the show. The host gave it to him again. Richard asked if that's how he gets on the Trading Post. The host said that he was on the air with him. Richard pretended he didn't know he was on. Then the guy convinced him that he was on the air. Richard asked about some computer items that one guy was selling. The guy read off the list and Richard said that he had to write it all down so he had to slow it down for him. The host said they had other callers to get to. Richard asked him to hold on while he wrote it all down. The host said he couldn't do that and then said he was fading out so he had to move along. Then Sal called in and said that he was getting calls from some lady who got the wrong number from them. Sal went off on them for giving out the wrong number. Richard then called back in and pretended that he was calling Sal's character ''Phil Atio.'' Sal called back again and told them to get that woman to stop calling him or he'd rip his dick off.
Howard said he loves that. They were able to get the guy all worked up after all of that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Mary McCormack is the woman who played his wife in the movie ''Private Parts.'' She came in to promote her TV show ''In Plain Sight.'' Howard said he liked what she was wearing when she came in there. She was wearing some ''whore heels.''
Howard said he heard that Mary has a 15 minute ''hard out'' this morning. Mary said she has to fly back to Albuquerque this morning. She said she has to get back to work. Mary said she just got in last night and she has to do a few more things and then she's flying home.
Howard said he knows they only have 15 minutes so he has to get to everything. He said he got a script from Mary and she wanted him to read through it. He said the first 4 pages were funny but he didn't want to read the whole thing. He said he couldn't read the whole 90 pages. Mary said she's fine with Howard not reading the whole thing. Howard said he would read it if he was going to be in it. Mary said that's why she read it. She said she would like to do it but she' snot sure if it will happen.
Howard thought this was the 5th season of her TV show but she said it's just the third. Howard read that she's living in Albuquerque while she shoots the show but her husband stays at home in L.A. Howard said he worries for Mary because the guy is probably having an affair like Jesse James. He said that he's probably with a tattooed Nazi chick.
Mary said her husband is great and she thinks that's the one thing she did right. Howard said he really is a good guy. Howard asked how often they see each other. Mary said that she sees him every weekend and in May he'll come out for the rest of her 3 months out there.
Howard asked Mary if she was shocked that Jesse James was caught with women like he was. Mary said she didn't know anything about that.
Howard said the whole cast of ''Private Parts'' are doing well. He said that Mary is doing good, Paul Giamatti, Leslie Bibb, Edie Falco, Allison Janney, Jenna Jameson and others were all in the movie and are doing well. Howard said she has to see how good he was at casting. Howard said he actually didn't cast anyone but Mary.
Howard said Mary was at the Super Bowl with Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. Howard asked if she was supposed that their relationship has lasted that long. Mary said she's really not. Howard asked how they know each other. Mary said that she and Jenny became friends through a mutual friend. Howard said he thinks that Mary is kind of snobby and wouldn't be friends with a Playboy model. Mary said that wasn't very nice. She said she's not snobby.
Howard asked Mary if Jenny brags about curing her kids of autism. Mary said they don't talk much about that actually. Howard said he thinks that Jenny stopped coming on the show since she got together with Jim. He said he's not going to bother her to come on the show. Mary said she thinks that Jenny still loves Howard though.
Howard asked Mary if she was on the private jet with Jenny and Jim. Mary said she wasn't. She flew out on her own. Howard said he heard that they had a private jet. Mary said they had tickets for her and her husband and they flew overnight to see the game. Mary said they left her child in Albuquerque with a baby sitter for one night. Mary said it was her birthday.
Howard told Mary she was looking really good. He asked if she's working out. Mary said she's not at all but she's constantly working so that must be helping.
Howard said he can't believe that Mary has a kid now. He said he never saw any mothering in her when he worked with her.
Howard told Mary that one of his guys loved her show in the first season. He liked that the sister on the show was in bikinis all the time but in the second season they stopped it. Mary said they didn't do it on purpose. She said that she's all for boobs galore on the how. She said that she'll get on that now. Mary said that she was very pregnant and just had the kid last week. Howard said they should fire her then.
Howard asked if Mary is getting paid more now that the show is still going. She said she did get a raise. She also said that her husband is working on ''Brothers and Sisters'' and that's doing well too. Howard asked if they had any parts for George on that show. Mary wasn't sure.
George said that he was asked to do something with Tom Hanks and they announced that over the weekend. George said that they showed pictures of the cast and he was in it.
Howard asked Mary what's going on sexually in her marriage. Mary said that they get to do stuff on the weekends and it's kind of planned. She said that she has two young kids so she doesn't have a lot of time to do things. Howard asked if she masturbates during the week. She said she will if she can. Howard said Mary shouldn't have more kids. He said she should adopt. Mary said she would but her husband won't. He wants to have his own kids.
Howard asked Mary more about the football game and what Jenny was wearing. Mary said she always dresses super hot. Howard asked if the autistic kid was there. Mary said they were at a party that night so the kids weren't there.
Howard said it's weird to see Mary with two kids and a husband. Mary said it fucks him up, doesn't it? Howard said it really does.
Howard said he read a review of her TV show and it was really good. Howard said that he'd never say anything negative about her show because she's in his movie. He said her show starts its third season this week on USA Network.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Mary was great in ''Private Parts.'' Howard said Mary almost didn't do his movie. He said she was working on ''Murder One'' with Stanley Tucci at the time. He said that Mary went up to Stanley and said that she wanted a ''real'' movie career and wasn't sure she wanted to do that movie. Howard said Tucci told her that she needs to get a movie career first. Mary said she told that story herself and she got smart fast and did the movie. Mary said that was the best job she ever had and it was the most fun she ever had. She said she had lots of laughs with Howard. Howard said he's more fun than Jim Carrey. Mary said she says that all the time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Mary is still so hot. He said her rack is killer. Howard said they're real too. The caller asked Mary what she thought of Howard's new scarf look. She said she likes it. The caller said he can't get over how good Mary is and how she's a breath of fresh air on the show. Mary said that was very nice.
Howard asked Mary why it takes 17 hour days to shoot her show. She said they shoot it in a shorter time than other shows. Mary said that the days can go on long. Howard asked how she can do that. He said he must be dumb that he can't remember lines like some people can. Mary said it must be in her genes.
Howard asked Mary if she can remember lines she did last week. Mary said she doesn't remember that long. Howard asked if she watches the show. She said she'll watch it before it airs but not when it's on TV.
Howard asked if the Puerto Rican guy is still playing her boyfriend. She said that he's playing her Fiancee. Mary said that Donny Wahlberg is in the first show of the season. She said that he's really good too.
Howard asked Mary who she hangs around with. She said she doesn't really hang out with Donny Wahlberg. Howard got the high sign that she had to go. He gave her some more plugs for ''IN Plain Sight'' which is on Wednesday night on USA Network. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that was the song for the video he was talking about earlier. He said Lady Gaga was almost nude in the video. He said he's not sure why Donny Osmond is so worked up over that whole thing. He said he knows he's kind of uptight and proper though. He said Donny was on the show and said that he doesn't get blow jobs from his wife.
Howard said he got a clip of Brian Johnson doing ''If I Had a Hammer'' for some kid's album. Gary said he was talking about working with kids when he was in last. Howard played the song and wondered how someone from AC/DC ends up doing something like that. Howard laughed when he heard the song. He said that was weird. He wondered how that all came about.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Pam Anderson is so hot. Howard thought he said ''Pans Hamilton'' or something. Howard thanked Jeff for pointing that out like they didn't know that. Jeff said she's hot on ''Dancing with the Stars.'' Howard said he's been watching that. They've gone up in the ratings this season and it may be because of her and that hot chick from the Pussycat Dolls.
Bobo called in and said he was watching Howard TV and everyone has to watch Robin's trip on there. Howard said he's pretty sure that will be the number one show on there for a long time to come.
Bobo asked Robin if she had a massive shit when she came home after that trip. Robin said she eats vegetables so she doesn't have massive shits.
Howard took a call from a woman who was trying to ask a question but she was on a Speakerphone. She got on the regular phone and asked if Howard would choose between Richard or Sal in a Sophie's Choice kind of situation. Howard said he likes Richard personally more than Sal he thinks. He said it's pretty close. Howard said if he could kill both that would work out better. Howard said if he can only kill one he'd have to go with the guy who came up with the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant. That was Mike Gange though. Howard said he'd keep him around. Howard said he'd probably have to kill Sal out of Sal and Richard. Howard said Richard seems sweeter. He said he does like Sal very much though.
Howard said maybe they should really do that and kill off one of them with a gun. He said that would make for some good radio. George said if he was Catholic he wouldn't be held accountable for it either.
Howard asked Gary who is the real creator of the two of them. Gary said it's hard to tell. He said they almost don't let you know. He said they both take credit for their work. Howard said if he really had a gun to them then maybe they'd admit who does what. Gary said he might kill off Richard because Sal gives them so much other stuff for the show when they talk about the wacky stuff he does.
The caller said she thinks that Sal is just fundamentally evil. Howard said that's why he might have to kill off Sal. Howard talked about the stuff Sal talks about on the show that would make it worth keeping him around. They both have their pros and cons. Howard said Gary was making good points. Howard said he likes both of them though. He said he thinks of them as one person. They even go to the bathroom together and cross streams in the toilet.
Howard said he had a game to play but Gary told Howard that this guy just won last week. Mark said he was going to tell Howard that.
Howard said they have the rest of the Pete the Asian Virgin game to play with someone. Howard got a guy on the line and asked if he wanted to play. The caller was ready so Howard said he had $711 to give to the caller if he wins.
Howard said the caller has to get 3 out of 5 right and he has to guess what song Pete is singing. Gary interrupted and said that this guy has won a couple of times. Howard found out that he had won like 3 times. The caller said he had a game for Howard to play. He told Howard about the game he had and Howard said he'd play that tomorrow.
Howard took another call from a guy who hadn't won anything in the past year and had him play instead. Howard said maybe he'll let George play for him on one of the questions if he can't guess the song. The caller said George is gay so he'd rather have Artie play for him. Howard found that kind of odd. The caller said he didn't thing gay guys were that funny.
Howard asked the caller, Jay, how old he was. He was 22. Howard played the first song that Pete the Asian Virgin was singing. Howard told him that he'd give him the money if he got this first one right. Fred said he thinks he has it. The caller said he thinks it's Sir Mixalot's ''Big Butts.'' Howard played it a second time and Robin thinks she got it. George said he wasn't going to help this guy out.
Howard asked the caller what he's going to do if he has a gay son some day. The guy said he's going to beat the shit out of him. Howard said he hopes the guy has a gay, Asian son. The caller said that's fucked up.
Howard played the song that Pete was singing and it was actually AC/DC's ''You Shook Me All Night Long.'' Jay didn't win. George said he knew the song and he would have won if he was his friend. Howard gave the caller the money anyway. Jay sounded shocked. He said he's going to buy some more weed with that money. He said he'd smoke a blunt with George now that he's won the money.
Howard had Pete on the phone so he asked him about losing his virginity to that woman on his birthday. Pete said that was like a month ago and he hasn't had it since. Pete claims that he was the one who ended it with her. Howard said he saw something on Pete's Facebook page about how women can't be trusted. Pete said he's trying to find the right woman. He said that the girl he was with was playing too many games and he couldn't take it anymore.
Pete said she was playing head games with him and explained what she was doing. No one understood what he was talking about. Howard asked what kind of Asian Pete is. He said he's American. Pete said he was Chinese. He kept saying he was Asian American so George had to coax that answer out of him.
Howard asked if he will go back to the chick he broke up with. Pete said he will not. Howard thanked Pete for calling in and let him go.
Steve Langford came in with his news preview. He said Sal is in a new movie called Circus Maximus and didn't tell anyone about the role. Steve said he saw it and it was god. He said he'd give it a 3.5 out of 5 stars to the movie. Howard said that was a nice review.
Steve said that Tim Stack was defending Jay Leno on his show on Thursday night. Howard said maybe Tim hasn't been the victim of multiple thefts by Jay. Howard said Jay is not a good guy, just ask Conan O'Brien.
Steve said that Riley Martin isn't happy with the phone screener on his show. He's getting a lot of prank calls lately. Howard said he loves when Riley gets riled up.
Steve said that Gabourey Sidibe will never get on the cover of Vogue magazine from what industry insiders are saying. Steve said reports say that she's a joke in the fashion world.
Steve said that Robin is going to be on Howard 101 tonight and the whole news team will be questioning her on the show. Steve said that it should be him, Ralph Howard, Shuli, Lisa G and maybe more. Steve said he thinks that Lisa will be there but it is Passover tonight so she may not make it. Howard asked if she really has to celebrate Passover. Steve said that many of them do. Howard forgot that Steve had converted. Steve said he loves it. He said he will go to dinner and come back for the show. Howard said Lisa could do that too.
Howard asked Steve some questions about the Jewish thing and how he got into that whole thing. Steve gave Howard his history and how he did the conversion. Steve told Howard about a lot of that stuff. Fred played Gilbert Gottfried doing his Jewish chanting during that.
Steve quickly mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons is on tonight at midnight. Jon Hein then came in with his Wrap Up Show preview.
Howard played the second one and Howard got that one too. It was The Who's ''Won't Get Fooled Again.'' Pete didn't know it. Robin didn't get it either.
Robin asked why Pete wasn't able to get his own game. George asked him if he speaks Chinese too. Pete said he does. He said that it's hard for people to understand him when he speaks that language too.
Howard played a third song for Pete to guess. Pete didn't know that one either. Howard played the full song and it was Miley Cyrus. Howard said he never would have gotten that one.
Howard showed George a picture of Pete to show how handsome the guy is. George said he was a good looking young man.
Robin said she thinks that Little Mikey's songs are tough to take. She said that Psych's are a little more creative. Howard said he felt she was more uptight with George sitting there. Robin said that wasn't it at all.
Howard had Robin get to her news. Robin started off with a story about Courtney Love's new album and had Howard play some of her song ''Skinny Little Bitch.'' Howard said the album is getting good reviews.
Robin read a story about a guy who defecated in a man's car thinking it was his girlfriend's car. Robin said the guy was caught and ran off. Howard said he can't imagine that. He said life doesn't get any harder than that.
Robin read about a man who was a victim of road rage after he and his daughter didn't like the bumper sticker on his car. Howard said he has talked about that on other shows. He said you should never put a political bumper sticker on your car. Robin read about how this guy's car was rammed because he had an Obama sticker on his bumper. Howard talked about how nutty these tea party people can be. He said they have a lot of hate in them. Howard said Scott DePace once followed a guy who had a bumper sticker he didn't like. Howard said this is just common sense, don't put a bumper sticker on your car. Robin said that you have the right to do that in this country though.
JD came in and said that Sarah Palin was giving people ''targets'' to go after on her web site. Howard said they should do that with her family too. Howard said that you can go out and wear a KKK outfit if you want. He said he doesn't like that but people do have the right to do that.
Robin read some news about this special that's airing tomorrow night and they did this scan of the shroud of Turin and found that Jesus looks nothing like the pictures we know today. Howard said he looks like Eddie the Produce guy to him. Robin said that they're hoping to give an intense look at what Jesus really looked like. Howard said a lot of people are going to be upset about it. Robin said people should get over it and grow up.
Robin read about it being Passover this week and had a Rabbi talking about what Passover is. Howard talked about how all of this stuff is like fairy tales and they do that to teach people lessons.
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a restaurant using George Takei audio clips. He played another George Takei song parody too.
They came back and Robin mentioned that she had a great event for her charity over the weekend. She said they raised enough money to get the games back in the game room down at the Boys and Girls club in Miami. George said they got an invitation to go but they were in Los Angeles that day. George said they were going to fly in the next day. George said they did make a donation though. Robin said at least George did that. Howard didn't. Howard said he may do that at some other time.
Robin said they got some donations for some games for the kids. They have a pool table and some other games coming in and she had to thank everyone for their donations. Robin thanked a bunch of the people who donated items to the charity event.
Robin read a story about how Jesse James and Sandra Bullock are in a battle over finances. Jesse James is worth about the same as Sandra is so they're fighting over money. Robin said that Jesse is doing very well with his West Coast Choppers and other business ventures. Robin said that he brings a lot to the table. She said she didn't realize that.
Howard said he never understands guys like that who have that kind of money and don't want to be in a relationship but they get married. He said he wasn't in love with her because you just don't hurt someone like that if you are. Howard said that he must have wanted access to the A-list celebrity society or something. Howard said maybe he's not even that aware of it. Howard said maybe he did it to get in with the crowd that's at the Academy Awards or something. Howard wondered why he needs that kind of aggravation. George said that some people just don't think and they just respond to their penis. George said it's stupid. He said that they shouldn't get married.
Robin said that this Michelle ''Bombshell'' McGee didn't know that Jesse and Sandra were still together until she saw them on the Academy Awards. Howard said she apparently doesn't know that a Swastika is a bad thing either. That's what she claims. Howard said they claim the WP on her legs stands for ''wet pussy'' and not White Power like people thought. Robin read about McGee's father explaining what was going on and saying that she's a good mother even though she doesn't have custody of her kid.
Robin read a story about a husband and wife who were arrested for messing with Jell-O containers at stores. They were refilling the boxes with salt and sand and returned to the store. Robin said they were apparently doing this just to get free Jell-O. Howard said they're only like a dollar each and it's really weird to do something like that. He said the sand might cost more than the Jell-O. Howard said they're saying they may be mentally ill.
Robin read about a customer who gave a kidney to a grocery store cashier. Robin said that this woman had been going to the store for a decade or more and there was someone there who greeted him with a smile. The woman had a kidney problem and the customer donated the kidney to the woman. Howard asked if she was really hot. Robin said she was an average woman. Howard wondered why the guy would do that. Howard asked George if he would ever do something like that. George said it would depend on how well he knew the person. Howard asked if he would help him. George said he would if he was a match. Howard told George he would never help him even though he likes him.
Howard asked George if he would give a kidney to Benjy. George said he would if he matched. Howard had George convinced that Benjy had a bad kidney. Howard said that it was just a theoretical thing. Howard asked Robin to get back to her news. George said he would do it if it was real.
Robin read another story about a drunk man who was trying to resuscitate a dead animal on the side of the road. He was arrested for public drunkenness when the cops found him doing that. Robin read the details of that case and Howard brought up how George had eaten Kangaroo penis on ''I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.'' George said he was amazed that Howard remembered that. Howard said he knows a lot about George and he remembers it all. George told Howard what it tasted like and how he had to tear it apart to get it down. He said that was a challenge to get his people fed on that show.
Robin read a story about a 3 year old on video smoking pot. Robin said that the parents are going to be charged over that. The cops found a video of the child trying to light a glass pipe with a lighter. Robin said that the kid started to inhale and then started to cough. Robin said that the step-father claims it was a misunderstanding.
Robin read about how there's a general out there saying that he won't make his troops sleep in the same bunks as gay soldiers. Howard asked George what he thinks about that and if he could control himself and not just stick his dick in a guy. George said he ran track in school and he was able to control himself. Howard said there is no difference with the troops when there was Don't Ask Don't Tell and without that.
Robin read about Ben Rothlisberger not showing up for practice today. Robin said that he's still involved with a case where a young woman is claiming that he assaulted her. Robin said that he's going to be kept out of training so the press don't show up at practice.
Robin read about the Final Four in basketball and asked Howard if he knew who they were. Howard said he had no idea. Robin gave Howard the details since he was clueless.
Robin read about a condom maker that came out with a list of states by penis size. She said that this company Condomania has found that the number one state is New Hampshire. She said Oregon, New York, Indiana and Arizona were in the top 5. Robin said that they also narrowed it down by city and New Orleans was the number one.
Robin read about a guy who had a bank error that showed he had made a deposit if billions of dollars. The bank quickly straightened out the error.
Robin read about how some hearings that are going to be held over the case of a school that had software installed on computers for students and they turned on the cameras to spy on the kids. Howard wondered if the kids knew the cameras were on. Robin wasn't sure. Robin said they were able to do this remotely. Howard figured that the computer would have to be on. Robin said it would but she doesn't think the kids knew the cameras were on.
Howard said he never had any teachers who wanted to see him doing anything. He said everyone hated him. He said that's why he doesn't have friends to this day. Howard said that there was a time that he was more social but then his nose started to grow and he turned inward.
Robin asked Howard if he is practicing eco-sex. She said there are hand cranked vibrators and things like that out there so you don't have to use batteries. Howard said he can just imagine cranking the vibrator. Robin said that there is a book coming out that shows all of this stuff. Robin read about the biodegradable condoms and this hand crank vibrator which is apparently like a piece of sculpture so you don't have to hide it.
Robin read about Barbara Bush going into the hospital for some tests to find out why she hasn't been feeling well. Howard was still on the hand crank vibrator. He said that the whole idea of using one is to avoid doing work. He said that you don't want to crank something. Robin said she uses a vibrator and she can also get off by tightening her thighs together.
Robin read a story about who was fired from Celebrity Apprentice this week. Daryl Strawberry was the one who got canned. He had apparently said he wanted to go home so Trump let him go. Howard goofed on Daryl about that. He said he would have thought he was someone who wanted to do something like that. Howard said he's never seen a more laid back guy than Daryl Strawberry.
Robin read about how Robert Plant is going out on the road this summer but not with Led Zeppelin. Howard said he's a dick for not going out with them. He said Plant goes out with a banjo player instead. Robin read about the tour and what Plant has been saying about that. He's going out with Band of Joy.
Robin read about how Mariah Carey turned 40 over the weekend and how she was sending out messages about that. Robin said that Nick Cannon got her a pink Porsche for her birthday. Howard said no one cares and that's obnoxious to post stuff like that. Howard said George owns a bank but you don't see him bragging about that. George talked about how it's not a bowl of cherries owning a bank these days.
Robin read that Kiefer Sutherland is not upset that his show ''24'' has been canceled. Kiefer says that it was one of the best things to happen to him in his career. Howard said he was smart to stick with it as long as he did. Howard said he gives him a big thumbs up for that. He said there are many actors out there who don't stick with it. Robin said that's like Matthew Fox who wants to go and do movies now that ''Lost'' is coming to an end.
Howard said that Matthew Fox is going to be begging for a role like he had on ''Lost.'' Robin said that he did have another hit TV show called ''Party of Five.'' Howard said that maybe with him luck only strikes twice.
Robin read about Madonna's daughter having a small speaking role in a new movie that Madonna is producing. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read some details about the movie that was number one at the box office this weekend. How to Train Your Dragon was number one at the box office. Robin had some audio clips of some people talking about working on some other movies. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said that George is fascinated with anything that comes up on the show. He said that he was listening to Steve Langford and wanted to ask questions about his religious conversion.
Jon ran through some of the other stuff they were going to cover today. He mentioned Hanzi and what they went through with him. Gary said he figured that Hanzi wouldn't get so upset about the whole thing. He said he figured he'd see the humor in the whole thing but apparently not.
Jon also brought up the Sophie's Choice that Howard did with Richard and Sal and the Pete the Asian Virgin Game. Jon wanted to talk about Mary McCormack first.
Jon said that Mary told Howard that she could stay as long as they wanted but then Howard got the note that she had to leave. Gary said she must have had a flight to catch. Jon said that Howard and Mary have been very close since they did that movie together. Gary said that Mary and Howard had to do a lot of scenes together. He said that they got very close. Gary said he met Mary at the production offices when they were doing the movie. He said that Mary didn't know the show and didn't realize what she was getting into. He said that the fans embraced her and she probably didn't expect it at the time.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Gary looks fantastic in some pictures on the internet that were taken recently. Gary thanked her for that. He said it's a work in progress. The woman asked Gary if he would ever borrow money from Howard if he needed it. Gary said he doesn't think that he would. He said it depends on what it would be for. He said there's a big difference between his kid being terminally ill and losing money on a bad investment. Gary said he thinks it would be a really, really last resort kind of thing. He said that he could go to other people before he'd go to Howard. He said he could ruin a friendship. The caller asked Gary if he would ask Robin. Gary said Robin might pay him to go away.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Howard would ever loan anyone money there. Gary said Howard isn't a bank so he may not want to do anything like that. Gary said he can't see himself ever asking to borrow money.
Gary asked if the money ever came up again. George said he figured that he would pay him back after some time. He said that he bumped into him at Warner Brothers studios one time and he didn't bring it up. He may have forgotten about it though. George was a working actor at the time so that's how he had the money for him to borrow.
George said that the money was probably loaned to him back in 1958 or 59. Gary said that would be a lot more money in today's money. George said that 500 was 500 in those days.
Jon said they brought that up because the caller had asked Gary if he would ask to borrow from Howard. George said that he doesn't have a lot of people asking him for money. George said that now people will bring it up even more. George said he prefers not to loan money to people personally. He said he is fair to everyone and he doesn't loan anything to anyone. Gary said he just said he did though. George said that he always gets in trouble on the show that way.
Gary said that they get calls from people all the time asking for money. He said that there are people who don't even know the show very well and ask for money. He said there are form letters that people will send out and just fill in Howard's name.
Jon asked George how he prepares for the show. George said you can't prepare for the show. He said the fact that Howard brought up the kangaroo penis was amazing to him. He said he never thought Howard would remember that. George said he did expect Howard to talk about his PSA and the Sharp TV commercial he did.
Jon played some audio of Howard talking about how effeminate Brad is. After the clip George said that he loves Brad for who he is and the voice doesn't bother him at all. Benjy said that George has been with a woman before. He asked if Brad had ever been with one. George said he wasn't sure but he didn't think so. He said he'll have to ask. The guys were kind of shocked that he didn't know the answer.
Benjy asked George if he had been with every race. George said he had been with African American and white. He had never been with Asian or Latina.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked George not to answer anymore of Benjy's questions. He said that the Stern Show is the best radio show on radio and it was a pleasure to hear him on the show today.
Another caller asked George about working on Star Trek and if he got to keep anything from the set. George said that he got nothing from the TV series. He said that he did a lot of gigs and you don't expect it to turn into a phenomenon. George said that when they got canceled they heard the announcement on the set of the show. He said they really enjoyed making that show but they were never rated very well in the ratings. The show did very well in syndication though. George said that they were on at 10 o'clock on a Friday night so NBC just killed the show. He said once they moved it to earlier times it did very well.
Gary asked if anyone in TV wanted to bring the show back. George said they were supposed to come back in 1974 on NBC but they had script problems. He said that they had commissioned about half a dozen scripts but that didn't work out so they were going to push it back to 1975 and it was kept in limbo until Star Wars became a bit hit. That's when they decided to make a movie. George said they were going to do just one movie but then they decided to do just one sequel and it did even better than the first one.
Gary asked if they were surprised at how well the movie did. George said they were very surprised. George said they had a great director but the movie turned out to be kind of slow. He said that it was lugubrious. He said he knows he shouldn't use that word on the show. Gary said that was a good one.
George said that they were supposed to do just one sequel to the Star Trek movie and that was the only way they could get Leonard Nimoy to do it. He said that they had Spock die off at the end of that and it was so Leonard would be happy. He said that Leonard wasn't aware that they were going to bring him back eventually. Gary said that he's still in Star Trek to this day. He was in the latest Star Trek movie.
George said that Leonard wrote a book called ''I Am Not Spock'' and then he wrote one years later called ''I Am Spock.''
George talked about how William Shatner wanted to direct a movie after Leonard did one. He said that Shatner did direct ''The Final Frontier'' and it was the worst of them all. He said that the best one was ''Star Trek VI'' which was when he got his own ship.
Jon asked George if he got anything from the set of the movies. George said he got a Captain's seat. He said that Gene Roddenberry said he should have the Captain Sulu outfit too. He said he got some other stuff from Star Trek IV. He said that he had it hanging in his closet for a while but then he wanted to share it with more people so he donated it to a Japanese American museum. He said that they have it in a glass case now. He said that the curators immediately put on white gloves and put it in acid free paper. He said that he thought that was going a little too far but they told him that it was now an artifact.
George said that they took the costume and displayed it for a few years. Now they have it resting and put away somewhere.
Gary asked how they come up with what it's worth. George said he had an auction house come in and give him an estimate. George said they appraised it at a very nice price. He said he was very happy with his tax write off.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked George if he would think of moving to New York. George said that they actually have a condo there so they do have a home in New York. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked George about what his perspective is on Howard and if he thinks he's too hard on himself. George said he is. He said that the germ phobia is one thing and he thinks that everyone has their own little idiosyncrasies.
Jon asked George about Howard's physical appearance and how George has even talked about Brad's appearance. George said that Howard once told him to just accept Brad for what he is and who he is. He said that Howard doesn't even go by his own advice to him. He said that he wasn't being sensitive to Brad's feelings when he talked about how he used to be. George said that it's a plus and a minus when he talks about Brad.
George said that Howard is up there in age and things are going to happen to him the older he gets. He said that he's in much better shape than many of the guys there. Jon laughed. Gary said Howard is in great shape for his age. George said he's lean and eats well and he's keeping healthy. He said he thinks that he should be happy with himself.
George said that he isn't the kid he once was 20 years ago. George said that he is reminded of that whenever he sees himself running around shirtless on Star Trek. George said Howard needs to take his own advice and not be so hard on himself.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about working with John Wayne in a movie he was in. George said that John didn't know about his sexual preferences back then. George said that there were some members of the cast who were of his orientation too and they were out partying. He said they'd go back to their apartments and visit each other.
George said that John Wayne really was that person you saw in the movies. He said he was that way on and off camera. George said he was strong and compelling in person.
Gary said that he always did play that same kind of character. George said that he did play the part of Ghengis Kahn in one movie. He said that the way he talked he was still John Wayne.
Gary said they have a clip they play on the show where John gets annoyed with the protesters of the Vietnam War and George says that it's ''...getting' to be re-god-damn-diculous.''
Benjy asked George if he had ever wished that he had told someone that he was gay when they had brought it up. George said that Shatner would make fun of him and say anti-gay jokes with him around. He said that everyone else knew so they would just go along with it and not say anything.
Gary asked if maybe the other people would bring it up and tell Shatner not to do that. George said if they did he didn't know about it.
George said that almost everyone on the cast knew he was gay. He said Shatner was the one who just didn't know and he was all about himself anyway.
George said that he doesn't think that interview with Bill is ever going to occur. He said that Bill just wants attention for himself and that's why he got all upset about their wedding. He said that they did invite him to the wedding but he didn't respond to them. George said that Bill knows he got an invitation and he just wanted attention.
George said that he was wiling to do the show with Howard as the host of the show between him and Bill. He said he doesn't think that's ever going to happen though. Jon asked George if he thinks that Bill is jealous of him getting to be a captain in the one movie. George said he thinks that he was upset about it and he didn't want to play that scene at all. He said it was very clear that he wasn't happy about it.
Gary said that Sal and Richard really never take credit for what they do unless it's together. Gary said that they treat it all equally. Gary said he would keep Sal because he brings so much to the show with all of his stories and the way he reacts to stuff. Gary said that they both have a lot to bring to the show but he would stick with Sal if he had to choose.
Gary said he doesn't think that bothered Richard. He said Sal's feelings may have been hurt when Howard said that he'd have to kill him off. Benjy said that the caller said that Sal was Evil and Howard agreed. He said that had to hurt.
Jon asked George if Heroes is gone now. George said they'll have to see. Jon said that he thought it was all done. George said they haven't announced anything yet. He said when they canceled Star Trek they had some warning. They don't do that in this day and age though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who would be the most fun to have sex in the room with him. George said he's learned to be more guarded about making comments like that. He said that he has to be sensitive about Brad's feelings. He said that he's going to do that and not hurt anyone's feelings in there. Benjy said they won't be hurt by what he says. George said that he wouldn't fuck anyone of them in there.
The caller asked about Sal and Richard. George said they're not his type either. Sal and Richard came in and Sal said that Howard didn't call him evil. He said the caller said that he was ''fundamentally evil.'' Sal said he thinks that Howard just said what he did to get under his skin. Richard said he doesn't think that Howard would ever choose between them. He said that he just had to pick because he was forced to. The two of them said that they might have to kill each other off if they had to make that choice. They ended the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about George Takei being in all week. He said it's great to have him in there to give them his wisdom. Howard said it's actually just nice to have an older person in there. Howard told him he looks good for his age though.
Howard said that Buzz Aldrin is on Dancing With the Stars and he looks good for his age. He's 80. George is 72 and he's spry. Howard said that George moves even better than he does.
Howard joked about tickling George's tits but he wasn't sure he could do that without Brad's permission. George said that he has the okay from Brad to do that with Howard only.
Howard and George talked about how wet it is in the city today. George said they're going to The Boat House for lunch today with his nephews and they're going to be stuck inside.
Howard said he was running in Central Park yesterday and he liked it. He said it was warm out but just a little wet. Robin said it's nice when it rains because there are less people. Howard said it's nice to have less bikers in there yelling at you. He said that they go too fast and they just yell at you when they're coming up. Robin said she's seen some bad accidents with bikers and runners.
George told Howard that he once walked through Central Park at 10 o'clock at night when he was younger. He said he figured out a strategy and memorized the Julius Caesar speech and mumbled it the whole way through. He said he would then move through some motions to make it look like he was nuts. He said that he had some people give him the eye but they moved out wide and gave him plenty of room to get through.
Howard said there are some gay sections in the park like the Brambles. George knew about that and said that he has been to some of those sections. He said that you do some sleazy things in your wild youth. He said he was in his mid 20's when he did that. George said that he heard about it and went down there to find out. George said he went down there late at night to do that. He said he got something done to him and he did something to someone else.
George said that you just go by how the person looks and very few words are exchanged. He said you just go to get relief. Howard said it would be great if they had parks like that for heterosexuals.
Howard asked George if anyone says no. George said you just move away or grunt and be unfriendly. He said it's easy to walk away. George asked how they got to this after talking about Howard's running.
Howard asked if it's as easy as just walking up to a guy and he starts jerking you off. George said it was that easy. He said that you don't say much. Howard said it's almost like a scavenger hunt. George said that's part of the excitement. He said that it could be dangerous and that's what's exciting.
George said that it's not that hard to find in the park. Howard said that maybe he could go out there with his penis out and get someone to do something. George said with Howard he wouldn't even need to have his penis out. Howard said it wouldn't stick out much anyway. He said it would just be a little nub.
Howard asked George if he would just go right to work at it. George said some of the good looking guys can be a little coy. George said that he would get his relief and leave. He said he never left his penis hanging out. He said he would walk around window shopping to find someone.
George said that Brad doesn't listen to the show when he's on it so it didn't come up yesterday. He said he'll ask him about it today. Howard said that you can get tagged as being very egotistical by not knowing this kind of stuff.
George said he doesn't think that he has had sex with a woman but he's really not sure. Howard said Brad could react to this in the wrong way if he does bring it up. He said he may want to leave it alone.
Howard said it would be funny if Brad was insanely heterosexual and had like 3000 women before he was gay. Howard did an impression of Brad since he was doing that yesterday. George said that he told Brad about that and Brad didn't think he should bring that up on the air.
Howard said he can't imagine Brad with a woman. George said he can't either. Robin said back in the day you tried to assimilate so she would imagine that he dated some girls or fooled around at least. Howard said he thinks that Brad knew that he was gay from the age of 5. George said he has known since he was a young boy. Robin said she thinks that Brad is going to surprise them both.
Howard said George didn't know Brad very well in their Newlyweird Game. George said they didn't do well on his show but they did a British version of the show where they did very well.
Howard mentioned that Ricky Martin came out of the closet yesterday. He said that everyone knew that already. Robin said that she's sick of these people who are obviously gay coming out of the closet like that.
Howard said he was reading about a poll that was done where they found that people would be fine with the President being gay. Howard found the article and read through the details. He said that they found that 50 percent of the people polled said they'd be okay with a gay President. They had a bunch of other stuff they were polling too.
George said that there are people trying to challenge Proposition 8 out in California and they're trying to get that stopped. That led to them talking about how some older people are against that gay thing. Howard said his parents were all for it and they even set his gay cousin up on a date. Howard joked that they drove him to the Brambles too.
Howard did an impression of his mother and father driving him to the Brambles and telling him to get some relief like George was talking about earlier.
Howard said Lindsay was announcing that she was going to sue over some commercial where they implied she was drinking milk. He said he'd love to know what's really going on with that girl. He said that Lindsay's father has called a press conference and he's going to step in with his daughter. He said that has to make her nuts.
Howard said Lindsay had a career going and it's a shame that she's so out of control. Howard said he can't understand people being that out of control. He said he's way under control himself so he can't even imagine what it must be like. Robin said that she never learned to cope because of the way she grew up.
George said it's a strange thing for kids to grow up as actors. He said that people are putting them on a pedestal and giving them anything they want. George said when they come of age they go wild.
Howard asked George if he worked with many child actors. He said they only had a few. Howard said Clint Howard was in one episode. George said that Ron and Clint had good parents so they were well adjusted. George said that he thinks it's okay to have a child actor but Howard said he doesn't think that it's a good thing.
Robin asked Howard if they should be able to play sports if they are good at them. Howard said that can screw kids up too if the parents push them into it too much.
Howard said he didn't even remember that one. That's the movie where Captain Kirk found God. Howard asked what it was like when he directed. George told Howard how tough it was to work with him. He said that Shatner was very patronizing and he would go up to the actors and pinch their cheeks and tell them they would be great in the scene. George said people were annoyed by that.
George told Howard how he had turned down the job at first working with Bill. He said that he got a call from Nichele Nichols and asked him to come over. He said that he got calls from Bill and from some other people who begged him to do the movie. George said he told some of the people that he didn't want to work with Bill and he got a raise because of that.
Howard said that Leonard directed a few movies and did very well. He directed ''3 Men and a Baby'' and that did very well. George said he did a bunch of directing.
Howard said he loves the way George and Bill don't get along. George asked Howard what happened with the show he was going to do with him and Bill. Howard said the problem isn't Bill, it's him. Howard said that Bill is very nice to him and he's very charming when he's gone out. Howard said he got a call from Bill's people and he wanted to shoot it there at SIRIUS.
Howard said that his agent called him and asked if he had ever watched the show. Howard said that his agent says it's a ''very strange show.'' Howard said he says it might not be the right thing to be doing on TV right now. He said that it sounded like a train wreck waiting to happen. Howard said his people told him to back off so that's what he did. Howard said it wasn't Bill backing out. Howard said that he had to back out.
George said that he didn't want to do that show without Howard hosting it. He said it would be like walking into the Brambles without getting any release.
Howard said they were being agreeable but then he didn't want to be interviewed. He said he just wanted to have George and Bill being interviewed.
Howard said he didn't want to disappoint George by doing it the wrong way. George said he's not disappointed at all. Howard said you have to be careful with Bill because he's wild. Howard said he does like Bill though and he has no problem with him at all. Howard said that George's words were ringing in his head so he figured it would be best not to work with him.
Howard played the clip where he called in to prank her. Robin knew it was him right away and told him to shut up.
Howard said he thinks his voice was disguised enough. Fred said it was kind of disguised and it may have taken him a couple of sentences. Robin knew his voice too well for him to prank her. Howard replayed the clip and let it run a little longer. Howard was telling Robin about how he wanted to ask her about some sexual stuff and things like that. He hung up a short time later.
Howard said it would have been good if he had gotten past that. George asked how long they've been working together. Robin said it's like 30 years now. George said after that time it's going to be recognizable.
Howard said he'll have to try some other voices. He wondered if his Kermit the Frog-like voice would have worked. Robin said she wasn't sure if that would work either.
Howard said he got nervous waiting on the line to get on. He said he was rehearsing and he knew he should have come up with a different voice.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a huge fan of George and Star Trek. He said William Shatner was his father figure since he was a latch key kid. He said he thinks that George loves William Shatner. Howard said there's no way he loves the guy. The caller thinks that he does and that's why he talks about him the way he does. George said he doesn't know how to work with other actors and it's tough to work with him.
Gary said that people say that she was very outgoing and she may not have ever done a radio show before. Howard said he was told not to go into radio by his father because there were so many people with talent out there already. Howard said this girl, Nicole, just got right into it.
Howard said this girl had a meltdown on the Morning Mash Up Show yesterday. He said she felt like she was being picked on by the other guys and she snapped. Howard said on that show you're not supposed to have controversy.
Howard said they just talk a little and get right into the tunes. Howard said that's why he tunes in. He wants to hear music, not talk. Howard said this Nicole briefly freaked out on the show. He played the audio of that segment. They were talking about Sandra Bullock leaving Jesse James and Nicole was upset that the guy on the show was giving her a hard time about the story. She told the guy he was being a douche all morning and yelled at the guy. The guy continued to give her a hard time.
Gary told Howard that Nicole was actually there so he had her come in. Nicole said she's threatened to quit before over there because they pick on her all the time. Howard asked if she had any radio experience at all. She said she had none. Howard said that's so upsetting to him. He said he had to put in years and years to get to where he is and this girl just got right on. Howard said his father warned him about that when he was growing up.
Howard asked Nicole how old she is. She's 27. Howard said she's pretty hot. Howard said that she was the receptionist there and they're never going to see her as a pro. He said that she's never going to get a raise around there. Howard said he has tried to help people around there but she may just have to leave to prove her worth on radio.
Howard asked what her boyfriend does. She said that he's a sales guy. He asked her if she was making more doing the radio thing. She said she is but it's not a lot more. Howard asked how many people are on that show. She said there are actually 3 guys on the show. Howard said the other guys sound similar to him. He said he can't tell who is who.
Howard asked if they think they're away from the music too long sometimes. She said that they are. Nicole said that they are supposed to be on from 6 to 12 but they don't do it all live. She told Howard not to tell anyone that.
Gary told Howard that she almost got into a bikini for them last week. They needed a model for lighting and she was going to help them out. Howard said she's really hot. Howard asked if she ever dated anyone she works with. She said they're like big brothers to her.
Howard said Nicole is very dark skinned. She said that she's actually Jewish. She said she's kind of a mutt so there's a lot in there. Howard asked if she went to Hedonism. Nicole said she has and that she's a partier. She's also been with girls. She said she's open to a lot of stuff.
Howard asked who put her on the air. She said that it was actually Kid Kelly who put her on. She said she had to get running because she has to get back on the air. Howard let her go and listened to some Lady Gaga.
Howard said that girl was hot. He said he loves that all of these girls are experimenting now. He really didn't remember her being the receptionist there. He said they do have a young black woman out there now and she's beautiful. Howard said she looks like she just came out of a modeling agency. Howard said he likes that too. He said everyone sees her when they come in and that shows that they have some horny executives there.
Howard said he knows Ronnie is in love with that girl. Robin said JD is too. Howard and Robin talked about how JD gave her the Christmas card that say he was giving her the greatest gift ever and it had his phone number on it.
Howard said they've had receptionists there that weren't so nice. Howard said the last one they had would turn her head if you said hello to her. This new one is really nice though.
Howard said he knows that JD is very taken with this girl. He said he gave her some of his McDonald's French fries yesterday. Howard said that she must get a lot of free stuff. Howard said Beth gets that a lot too. He said that hot chicks get free stuff all the time. He said Beth gets free newspapers, candy and other stuff. Howard said he told her to go to the bank and try to get some free money.
Gary told Howard that their old office manager, Annemarie, would go to an ice cream truck and he'd give her free ice cream. Gary said Annemarie would come in with free stuff all the time. Howard said that's what happens to Beth too. He said he told her that it doesn't happen to people all the time. It's just the pretty girls.
Robin said that Farrah Fawcett once told them that she had guys proposing to her all the time like it was normal.
Howard said that Ronnie used to deliver cupcakes to the receptionist. Gary said she was hot because she used to get two. Now Ronnie can't give her any. Howard said that she's going to be the size of a house soon if she's eating that food. They goofed on JD giving her food and trying to turn her into Gabourey Sidibe.
Howard said that Nicole was very attractive too. He said he's not sure how he missed her out there. Howard said he is very focused on his wife and maybe that's how he missed her. Howard said he didn't know he was the marrying type but this is going to be it.
Howard said the girl from the Pussycat Dolls did a perfect dance because she's a professional dancer. He said he noticed that Pam is in every shot but she makes faces toward the camera. He said that she was hiking her dress and crossing her legs. He said that she must be feeling very competitive with her. Robin said that Pam has already lost because that girl is younger. Robin said that Pam is showing age these days. She said she's still hot but she's not in her 30s. Howard said he likes that Pam is on there and kind of desperate.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if he keeps using that Purell stuff he could get warts and stuff on his hands. Howard said he would stop using it if people would stop shaking his hand. He said he was at the Marshall chess club and people were shaking his hand. Howard said his psychiatrist thought he was nuts thinking he could get a blister from shaking hands.
Another caller asked Howard what celebrity Ronnie thinks he looks like. Howard said he'd probably say Tom Cruise or something like that.
Howard said he's not a huge Tom Cruise fan but he saw this trailer for the new movie he has coming out with Cameron Diaz and it looks very cool. He said he wants to see it because it looks very super hero-ish.
The caller said he thinks that Eric Clapton is looking like Ronnie these days. He said he's kind of bloated and looking a lot like Ronnie. Howard said he thinks the Gorton's Fisherman looks like Ronnie. The guy on The Ghost and Mrs. Muire, Edward Mulhare, looks like Ronnie too.
The caller asked Howard if he has ever peed in the shower when he's been at someone else's house. Howard said he does it at home quite a bit but not at other people's homes. Howard said he doesn't shit in the shower either.
Howard said he doesn't think that peeing in the shower is that big of a deal. He said he's actually done it in front of Beth. He said he peed on her feet one time. Howard said Beth didn't want to be peed on but he did it on her foot and she didn't even feel it.
The guy asked Howard if Beth has let him lick her ass yet. Howard said she's not like that and she won't let him do that kind of stuff. He said he's pretty sure he wouldn't like it. Howard said he thinks he'd like to do it but he's pretty sure she wouldn't want him doing it anyway.
,Howard asked George if he has ever tongued a guy's ass. George said he has in the past but that's over with. He doesn't do that anymore. George said that Brad isn't listening but he doesn't want anyone emailing him. He said that Brad gets all of the info. He said Brad isn't into doing that and he's fine with that. He said he likes brad the way he is.
Howard asked if he tastes like shit back there. George said it can. He said that it can also smell bad. George said that he's had some incidents where he has had anal and he's had doody on his dick too. George wanted to change the subject after that. Howard said people were probably throwing up from that. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what was playing. Fred said it was Sheryl Crow live at SIRIUS. Robin said they had a concert going on there the other day. She said that she didn't remember who it was. Howard said they used to do a lot more than they do now. Howard said he used to see them setting up and doing live stuff. Howard wondered why that has stopped. Howard said it's not as much fun anymore. Howard said he thinks that someone got too corporate there.
Gary said that they do most of the stuff in the afternoons. Gary said they still do stuff there. They had David Grey up there a few months ago. Lynrd Skynrd was there a couple of months ago. Howard said it used to be every day.
Gary said they still have free pretzels and soda in the kitchen there. Howard said Artie was putting them out of business when he was there. Howard said he thinks it's cool they have free pretzels and soda even though he doesn't drink the soda himself.
Howard said if he was Nicole he would take home free pretzels and soda. Gary said that they have this new vending machine in that room that's taking up a ton of space in there. He said they have healthy meals in the machine that are easy to prepare. Gary said he walked by the demonstration and looked at it but they take up like 1/3 of the room now.
Howard said he remembers when his wife was giving birth at the hospital one time and he went out to give her some room. He went to the vending machine and they had a hamburger in the vending machine. He said he ate it and got sick for 3 days after that.
The Howard TV guys were in the break room to show Howard what they were talking about. they showed the vending machine and the free food they have in there. Gary said that there are some people who take advantage of that and take home the free stuff. They showed the coffee machine there and Gary said that there are like 20 flavors there.
Gary said that they gave George a key card yesterday so he can get back there to check it all out. They gave him the key so he could get into the bathroom which has a lock on it now.
Howard said he just got a note from someone saying that Scott the Engineer takes a cup full of pretzels to his office every day. Scott said he gets a couple and takes them back there. He doesn't use a cup. Howard said the Howard TV guys have video of his pretzels. Howard said he had a whole bag. Scott said that it's not just him, it's for other people too. Scott said other people bring the bags in there. They all share.
Howard told Scott that doing what he does is going to ruin it for everyone there. He said that there's always one guy who abuses the system and ruins it for everyone else. Scott told Howard he's right and he should see the bags he takes home with him. Scott was kidding but Howard said there are people who see ''free'' and they gotta have it.
Howard said it's nice that you can go back and grab a pretzel. He said if you take a whole bag, that's not cool. Scott said he doesn't do that. Howard said he heard that Tracey has to hide the water from Scott because he takes too much. Scott said it's not all for him. He said that people will come in and rummage through this stuff and take it.
Howard asked Scott where the bag of pretzels came from. Scott said someone else brought them in there. He said that the water isn't just him. He said other people take water out of there and it's not just for him.
Howard said that someone is going to ruin the whole thing for people there if they keep taking whole bags of pretzels.
Scott said he doesn't like the bag of pretzels in his studio. He said people stick their hands in there and he doesn't want to eat anything out of there. Howard said it was a whole bag in there. Scott said he doesn't take shit and he doesn't steal anything.
Howard said Jackie used to take water home when Poland Spring was a sponsor. Sal came in and told Howard that he doesn't take soda home. He said that Jon Hein is the one who asks him to grab him a soda and he does that for him.
Howard said Sal is doing something with his beard. Sal said he lost 20 pounds and he's not doing anything with the beard. Robin said it looks too dark. Fred figured he was coloring it. Sal said he swears it's not colored.
Sal said his wife didn't even notice he grew a beard. Sal said he was at the dinner table last week and asked her what she thought and she said she didn't even notice it. Howard said Sal's marriage is the worst he knows. He said that she hates him and he hates her. Howard asked if it's getting any better. Sal said he's thrown in the towel and he's just going with the flow.
Sal said his wife asked him if he had turned up the heat and he told her that he was only there to sleep and eat. Sal said that he asked his wife for a kiss the other night and she blew him a kiss out the side of her mouth. Howard asked him if it's just a joke now. Sal said he loves her and he thinks that she loves him still.
Howard said it seems like she doesn't want to be with him. He said there is no question in his mind. Howard said he wouldn't think that she loves him the way she treats him. Sal said that they've given up the marriage counseling.
Howard talked to Sal about his kids and if he thinks that his father loves him. Sal said he thinks he does but he didn't live the way he did. Howard asked Sal how bad his dad used to beat the shit out of him. Sal said he got beat once when he had parachute pants on. He said he got punched in the stomach and he pissed his parachute pants. Howard asked Sal if he would ever do that to his kids. Sal said he loves his kids and he would never do that to them.
Howard asked Sal if he thinks that his father doesn't love him when he beats him. Sal said he thinks that he loves him. Howard said it sounds like Sal is apologizing for his father. Sal said his father used to get beaten by his father too. Howard said it sounds like he feels bad for his father but not for himself. Howard said that Sal's father is the one who should be going to the shrink to figure out why he did what he did.
Sal said he got into trouble for making sex calls to this girl when he was young. He said he used to do that when he was like 16 years old. Howard said that it's not wonder his father beat him.
Howard said Sal can't keep treating his wife like an asshole all the time. Sal said he tries not to. He said that he's been drinking heavily and his wife had to pull him to the side. He said that he gets angry when he drinks and he'll curse her out at dinner. Sal said that his wife told him that he had to cut back on the drinking. Sal said he told her he didn't even know he was doing that. He said he still drinks but now he keeps his mouth shut.
Sal said that instead of yelling at his wife he went to the bartender and talked about her there instead. Sal said he let it out with that guy and went back to his wife and said everything was fine.
Howard said Sal is in big trouble at home. He said he'd love to have the tapes of his sessions with the shrink. Howard said the psychiatrist must think he's a moron. George said this show is better than a soap opera. He said he had no idea all of that was going on.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Robin mentioned that Lisa wasn't on the news special last night where she was interviewed. Lisa was at a Seder for Passover. Howard said that she passed on her responsibilities as a news woman to do that. Lisa said that's not the way she looked at it. Howard said that's the way he looked at it.
Howard and Lisa talked about the food they have at these Seders. Lisa said she loves brisket. Howard said he has only had it a couple of times in his life but he wouldn't eat it these days. Howard said he's been to like 10 million Seders and he still has no idea what's going on. He described it as he knew it. He said that his father used to dip his pinkie in the wine cup and it would make him mental. Howard said they have an imaginary ghost that they leave a chair open for. Howard said he's not even sure who it is.
Howard said he's not sure why they have to do this every year. He said he wants to forget about all of that stuff.
Howard said he was reading a story about a high school girl who committed suicide because she was ridiculed by the other kids. He said that it's amazing that he didn't kill himself when he was being ridiculed. Howard said he has no desire to think about those days and remember. He said that's what the Seder thing is like. They make you think about all of the horrible stuff that happened when you just want to forget.
Howard made up his own Seder where he was thinking back about the kids who beat him up and threw garbage cans at him. Lisa told Howard to look at who he is now. He's the King of all Media. Howard said he's a mess and he's in the shrink's office almost every day.
Howard said the whole world is fucked up. He said that this poor girl killed herself over this bullying thing. He said the school even knew about it and didn't do anything. Howard said they want to sue now but you can't sue every school over bullying.
Lisa said that Ross Zapin is upset that he has been denied access to the bathroom there in the Stern compound. She said that Ross is now saying that they may not be welcome to do things outside of their compound.
Howard said that's a threat and that's not cool. He said he's asked for favors around there and he's been forced to pay full price. Howard said Ross is being very vengeful about the bathroom thing. He said he likes Ross but he's being childish. Howard said they have an area there that's very small and they have a lot of people using that bathroom. He said people were shitting on the floor in there. He said they built that bathroom so they could get in and out quickly. He needs Robin to be able to get back on the air quickly.
Howard said they have plenty of bathrooms there that the executives can use. They don't need to rush to get done like they do in the studio. Gary said that they asked Ross why he needs the bathroom and Ross told them that he's not comfortable going number 2 in the other bathroom. Ross used to go to other places where he could have privacy. Howard said he understands that but they have just one compound there that they have a lot of people using.
Howard said they have Pete Rose coming in today with his Playboy girlfriend. Howard said they need the bathroom for people like that. He said they have this little bathroom and too many people using it. Howard said they have to limit who is using it. Howard said they had people from other floors coming in to use it. Howard said he doesn't want George or Pete Rose using a dirty bathroom.
Howard said Mel has a private bathroom so maybe Ross can use his. He said he's sure that Mel wants the smell of shit wafting into his area.
Gary said that when they build the bathroom there they didn't want their weird people spilling out into the lobby. He said that they didn't want Beetlejuice using the bathroom out in the lobby. Howard said that they didn't build that bathroom for executives to use it. He said that it's a work environment there and they need to purge a lot of people from their area.
Gary said they have shut off a lot of people already. Howard said they need to do more. He said you walk around here and people brag that they have the key to his bathroom. Howard said he doesn't want parties going on there. He said they're trying to work there.
Howard told Gary to tuck in his shirt. He said it looked dirty too. Gary said it wasn't dirty, it just came from the dry cleaner.
Howard asked George if he understands the bathroom problem there. George said he understands it. Howard said they need the bathroom open for his people. He said that he needs Gary to explain it to Ross that he doesn't need to be in there. Gary said Ross will say that he doesn't use that bathroom while they're there. He uses it when they're not on the air. Howard said it doesn't matter. Howard said that no one should be shitting in there anyway. He said it should only be for extreme circumstances. George said he holds it in until he goes home. Howard said he does the same thing. Robin said she thinks that could be a new song ''I Shit at Home.''
Lisa got back to her news preview and said they spoke to Joey Boots who is in a VA rehab center. She said that he's going to be there until he's over his addiction to cocaine and heroin.
Lisa said that John Stamos is going to be on Dancing with the Stars tonight performing with the Beach Boys. Howard said he and John were actually texting back and forth during the show last night. Howard said they were trying to figure out which chick he was going to try and bang. Howard said with any luck they'll see him drumming and banging one of the chicks. Howard said that no woman can turn him down. Howard asked Lisa if she would do him. She said she probably would. Robin said she has turned him down.
Howard let Lisa go and got back to John Stamos talking about who he should bang. He said that he should go after that Pussycat Dolls chick. He said she's something. Howard said George would go straight if he was with her.
Howard said Pete gave him a baseball the last time he was there and he had signed it saying he was sorry for betting on the game. He said he heard that the 300 balls he signed are selling for up to $10,000. Howard said he has his in storage and that's going to be an investment he's going to keep.
Howard said he saw that a first issue of Superman sold for like a million bucks. Robin said that this copy was perfect. Howard said his mother threw out all of his comics and he had a huge collection. He said his cousin used to paint the artwork and he used to get copies of that stuff all the time.
Howard said he got home from school one day and his mother told him that she had thrown out all of his comic books. Howard said she told him that the comics collected dust. He said his parents are neat freaks and they have everything organized just right. He said his father would freak out if he misplaced his keys somehow.
Howard said his mother told him that they threw out his dirty, filthy books. Howard said they were his things but she told him he didn't need them. He said she told him that she had ripped them up but then said that she gave them to Robert Tobiason down the street.
George said the same thing happened to him. He said he had the Batman comic books and when he went off to college they were thrown away. He said his mother gave them to the newspaper collector. He said she was a neat freak just like Howard's parents.
Howard said George got back at his mother by turning gay. Howard said that's what he should have done. Howard told George about his mother taking his temperature anally until he was in his teens. George said his mother didn't do that. Howard said his mother would monitor his health by taking his temperature. He said that he'd be laying on the bed nude and his mother would stick that thermometer in his ass with a glob of Vaseline on it.
Howard said he had to take a break so they could get to Pete Rose. Howard said he was reading about Pete and how he lost $800,000 one year gambling. Howard said he still has that hair cut too. Howard said the guy is doing okay with that young girl though. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Pete Rose was there with his hot girlfriend. He said that they apparently have sex multiple times a day. Howard said Pete is looking great. Howard asked how old he is. Pete said he's 68 going on 15. Howard said hello to Pete's girlfriend Kiana Kim too.
Howard said that this girl is something else. He said Pete really is a legend. He said that Kiana is a real woman. He said he had a lot of questions.
Howard asked Pete about the ball he signed for him. Pete signed 303 of them. Howard said he got one of them and put it in storage. Pete said he's not sure what it's worth but Howard was saying they're selling for $10,000. Pete said they weren't supposed to get out on the internet but they did. Howard said he's going to use that for his retirement fund.
Howard said Pete was very honest in his book and he talked about the kind of money he lost gambling. Pete told Howard that they said that he was losing like half a million here and half a million there and they were exaggerating. Pete said that he doesn't do any illegal gambling anymore. He said he had enough money that he could afford to do that though. He said he used to go to the races an bet.
Pete said he was making like a million a year and spending a couple grand on a bet wasn't that big of a deal. He said it did lead to him getting kicked out of baseball though.
Howard said that they polled people and found out that 60 percent of people think he should be in the hall of fame. Pete said that 60 sounds kind of low to him. He said he figured it would be like 85 or 90 percent.
Pete said that what he did was wrong. He said betting on the games was just wrong. Pete said that he was betting on his own team to win though. He said that he was suspended 21 years ago so it's been a long time now. Howard said it doesn't see that big of a deal if he was betting on his own team to win.
Pete said some people do think he is the victim because they give people second and third chances these days. Howard asked Pete what he would be doing today if he was never kicked out. Pete said that he might be coaching. Pete said he brings a positive attitude to the situation and he understands the game of baseball so he could do that.
Howard said the last time he saw Pete he was married to his second wife. Pete said that one lasted too long. Howard said he had like two kids with that one. Howard said one of his kids was an actress. Pete said she was in a lot of stuff. Howard asked Pete if he's done with kids. He said it must be enough now. Pete didn't get a chance to answer.
Pete told Howard that one of Kiana's favorite shows was Deal or No Deal and many of the girls on the show were in Playboy. Howard cut them off and asked Kiana how she met Pete. She said that she was at a car dealer shopping for a car and Pete came in. Howard said she must be a young girl. She said she's 29 years old.
Howard was all over the place with the interview. He was asking to see her shoes, asking how tall she was and how much she weighed. She's 5'6'' tall and 115 pounds. Howard said that's the right height and weight.
Howard asked Kiana what she does that she was shopping for a Mercedes. She owns a hair salon. Howard said he likes what he's hearing so far. Howard asked Kiana about meeting Pete at the dealer and if she knew who he was. She said she had no idea who he was. Pete said she thought he played for the Redskins.
Pete said he asked Kiana if she and her girlfriend ever go to Vegas because he goes out there. He said they came out to visit and they went out to dinner and then went home.
Kiana told Howard that she had a store that wasn't doing very well and Pete offered to make an appearance there to help out. Howard said of course he did. Howard said he would make appearances for her too. Kiana said that Pete took them out to dinner and he was very respectful. They went their own ways after dinner. She said that Pete is hilarious and he's the most fun person to be around. Howard said he doesn't think ''hilarious'' when he thinks about Pete Rose. Kiana said he's very funny.
Howard found out it took about a month for Pete to work his magic with Kiana. Kiana said he travels a lot so it took a while. Howard asked if he was hitting with a big bat. She said that he is.
Howard said that he was reading about Kiana doing Playboy. Pete introduced her to the right people to get her in there. She said that she had to do the casting appearances. Howard asked if she had ever been nude before. She said she hadn't so that was new to her.
Howard read that Kiana and Pete have sex every day and it's great sex. Howard asked if that is true that they have it every day. Kiana said they don't see each other every day but they do it when they see each other. Howard said he read that Pete is ready to go just minutes after he finishes too. Howard said he can't even do that. He said he must be using something to help. Pete claims he's not. He said that he never drank or smoked so he doesn't need anything to help. He said he just needs her to stand up and he's ready to go.
Howard asked if Pete uses rubbers. Kiana said he doesn't. Pete said they don't need that. He said they have brains and they don't need that. Howard asked where he finishes. Kiana said that Howard should see their back wall.
Howard asks where he finishes. He said he should save it and sell it. Pete said he's trying to figure out a way to autograph it.
Howard asked Kiana if she would keep the baby if she got pregnant. She said she's not sure about that but Pete said he thinks that she would keep it. Pete said that if it does happen Howard will be the first one they call and tell. Howard asked Pete if he wants to chase kids around. Pete said he chases the grand kids around.
Pete told Howard that they're trying to get Kiana a career in a game show or something like that. He said she would like to do a Deal or No Deal kind of thing. They said that the show has been canceled as far as they know. Howard sounded shocked by that.
Howard read that Kiana had sex with Pete 3 times in one hour one night. Robin sounded impressed. She asked if people pass on talking to Pete to talk to Kiana. Pete said they're not to that point yet.
Howard asked if Pete is Kiana's first famous guy. She said that he is her first. Howard asked if her parents have met him. She said they have met him and they like him. Pete said he doesn't think he looks his age and he certainly doesn't act it. He said he's still having fun.
Howard said he saw two great YouTube moments with Pete. He said in one clip he was in a WWE event and the crowd was cheering him on. He said Pete gets on the mic and tells the people of Boston that they're idiots because they beat them. Then the crowd turns on him. Howard said he thought they were going to beat the shit out of him after that. They were booing him after he did that. Pete said he just hosted a Monday Night Raw show recently too. He said he has fun doing that.
Howard said he saw another moment he did when he was set up by Sacha Baron Cohen for ''Bruno'' and he had Pete sitting on the Mexicans during the interview. Pete said that he was paid to do that interview. He said that he didn't know who this guy was. He said they brought in the Mexicans to be seats. Pete said he was sitting on this Mexican and the guy was yelling out for water. Howard said that the Mexican guy was sitting there and Pete was rubbing his neck. Bruno told him to just step on his hand to keep him from raising it. Howard said that Pete went along with it and it was the funniest thing he ever saw. Howard said he thought Pete's interview was even more funny than Paula Abdul's was. Pete said he couldn't believe the way they were treating the Mexicans. Howard said the last person that treated Mexicans like that was Marge Schott.
Howard said he heard that Pete has a Mexican couch in his house now. Pete said he got a picture of Babe Ruth sitting on a Mexican at Yankee Stadium one time.
Howard said that Kiana is in a Playboy Sexy 100 special edition and you can also check her out at KianaKim.com. She's not naked on there but you can find upcoming appearances and stuff like that on the site.
Howard asked Pete about what he does for Kiana in bed. Pete said he never thinks about himself in bed. He does what he can for her. Howard asked if he can lick her to orgasm. Kiana said he can.
Howard asked Pete if he was pushed into baseball by his father. Pete said his father was into sports and he was lucky he got to be around that. He said he wasn't a natural for baseball either. He said he was better at football. Pete said he didn't like school though so he went with Baseball. He didn't want to go to college and play football so he got into baseball so he could get out of high school and do that.
Howard asked Pete what was better, being in the World Series or having sex with Kiana. Pete said that if he was playing today it would be being in the World Series and then having sex after that game.
Howard asked Pete if he's upset that his father never got to see him with this Kiana. Pete said that people say that he's probably looking down on him now. Pete said that his mother never got to see him go into the Hall of Fame. He said that was one regret he had. He said his mother outlived his father by 30 years or so. He said he thinks that he should get into the hall of fame and he's the one person who is always positive about baseball.
Howard asked if Pete Rose Jr. has met Kiana. Pete said he has. He said he's great. Howard asked if he thinks that his son would want her. Pete said he doesn't think that at all. Howard said he'd want to be with her if his father was dating someone like her.
Howard asked Pete if he thinks Derek Jeter will beat his batting record. Pete said he can't think of a better guy to do it but he doesn't think it will happen.
Howard asked Pete if he ever juiced. Pete said he never did. He said he took some diet pills when they were trying to get down to weight but that doesn't enhance your game playing.
Howard asked Pete what he thinks about the guys getting all of these famous chicks. Pete said he never got them because they were playing in Cincinnati.
Howard asked Pete about Tiger Woods. Pete said he had Tiger on his own radio show once and he was a good guest. He was just a kid at the time. Pete said he doesn't think that he has to explain to them what he did. He has to talk to his family and friends. Howard said he would never cheat on that hot chick. He said he can't imagine why he had to do that.
Howard said he's not sure if Tiger will get his sponsors back. Robin said all he has to do is start hitting that ball again and he'll get them back.
Howard said Tiger must be making tremendous money with the endorsements. Howard said the guy is on his way to being a billionaire. He said if he's sick of the wife then divorce her and move on. Howard told Pete that he had the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant on there. Pete said he knew about that. Howard said he should have had Pete in there as a judge.
Howard gave Kiana some more plugs for her Playboy specialty issue. Howard said that Pete should propose to her now. Howard said they could marry them right there if he wanted. Pete said they have other agendas going on there.
Pete told Howard a story about going to Vietnam with Joe DiMaggio and some other guys one time. He said that Joe wanted to take a shower while they were out in the jungle and he had to help him out and pour the water on him. He said the best way to describe him was as a penis with a man hanging off of him. He said that the guy was really big. He said Joe would say ''That's not where it ends, that's where it bends.'' Pete said he was quite a man. Howard asked how he stuffed that thing inside of Marilyn Monroe. Pete said maybe that's why he was only with her for 260 days. Pete was joking about how he used it as a bat to hit the Kennedy's over the head too.
Howard said it was very nice of Pete to go over to Vietnam. Pete said he can make the troops laugh. He said he's waiting for people to ask him to go over to Afghanistan or Iraq.
Howard said he bets that Pete gave Joe a good shower too. He said that's the most impressive thing he's said he's done.
Howard said that he's happy for Pete and Kiana. Howard said every man wants a woman like Kiana in their life. He said that they never get it though. Howard gave Kiana some more plugs and said he had just checked out the magazine and she looks fabulous. He said she's got beautiful breasts and perfect nipples.
Pete thanked his buddy Marty for getting him on the show. Pete asked if Howard would take a picture with Kiana. Howard said he'll do a whole spread with her. He said he'd even shower her. Howard asked if she's wearing underwear with that outfit. She said that she is. Howard said it was just a thong. They had a shot of it on the Howard TV monitors. Howard asked if she has any sisters that are as hot as her. Pete said she has a sister but he can't imagine that she's as hot as her.
Howard asked Pete if he would stay with Kiana if she gained 15 pounds. Pete said ''Hell no!'' Howard said he appreciates them coming by today. He told Kiana that he's going to beat off to her Playboy spread.
Pete asked Howard how he walks around without being besieged. Howard said people are pretty respectful. He said most people are turned off from him because he looks like trouble.
Howard said he wants them to do him a favor and tell George more about Joe DiMaggio's cock since he's gay. George just laughed. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was wondering what kind of money Pete Rose was making in his best year. He said he must have done okay but nothing like they get paid these days.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel sent him a clip of David Lee Roth singing ''Running with the Devil'' and he heard it played along with a ZZ Top song and it meshed up perfectly. Howard played the clip of David Lee Roth singing ''Runnin' With The Devil'' a cappella. Howard said he was on the John Varvatos web site looking at something and he has ZZ Top playing on there and it was like a mash up with the David Lee Roth thing. He asked Fred to play ZZ Top's ''She's Got Legs'' and he played the David Lee Roth clip along to that. He said he's not sure if that was the song or not. It didn't match up to that song though. The first part of the song matched up.
Gary told Howard that it was actually ''Sharp Dressed Man'' that they have on the web site. Howard told Fred to try that instead. Fred played the song and Howard played the Roth clip again. It actually kind of matched up in the beginning. Howard said he may have to Autotune it.
Captain Janks called in and said that in William Shatner's book he seems to think that the 5th Star Trek movie was the best of them all and he had to do with what they had for the special effects. George said of course Bill would think it was the best. Janks said there was a scene in that movie where they were all sitting around a fire singing ''Row, Row, Row Your Boat.''
Howard got a note saying that Richard had mashed up the David Lee Roth clip with some other songs. He put it to Joan Jett's ''I Love Rock and Roll.'' He played that and the Roth clip matched up really good with that song.
Steve said that Detroit DJ Dick Purton was offered the job that Imus took at WNBC. history could have been changed if he had taken that job.
Steve said that Riley Martin has thrown his name in to take over for Rosie O'Donnell when she leaves the company to go back to TV.
Steve said that Scott Ferrall has also extended his contract to stay there at SIRIUS. Howard said he's thrilled about that. He said he's glad he'll be with them until the end of their contract there.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down the list of things that they were going to cover today on the show. That led to Howard and the guys talking about Pete Rose claiming that he had sex 3 times in an hour once. George didn't believe that was possible at his age. George said there were times in his life when he could do that. He said that he can't do that at 72. Howard said those were the days...
Howard asked George if he thinks that Brad trapped him into marriage. He no longer has anal but they used to do that. George can no longer enjoy that. George said that they still have a good time. He said he's happy and content with just the blow jobs and playing around that they do.
Howard said he knows that Ross was threatening them there. Ross aid that was just Jason and he felt like he was just needling him. Howard said this is all coming from him and they need a business like thing there. Howard said he wants to keep the bathroom clean and he doesn't want a ton of people using it. Howard told Ross if he has to take a dump he should go to the main bathroom. Howard said no one wants to smell his big deuce in that bathroom.
Ross said that he didn't use it when they were there. He would wait for them to leave. Howard said they'll be gone in a few months and then he can take over all of the offices himself. Ross told him to stop with that. Howard said he thinks they should take a year off and maybe come back. He said he thinks that would be fine.
Ralph called in and said that the bathrooms there are really nice and clean so he's not sure why people can't use them. He said that it's not like the shithole back at K-Rock. Howard said that Ross will have to go back to the main bathrooms there. Ralph said he uses that one himself. Howard said Ross will learn to love that bathroom.
Howard said that was the ''calm'' Ross. He's not the person that is back there yelling at people. Gary said that Scott DePace was talking about the other main bathroom and how the guys from the gay channel will come in there and talk about gay sex openly and very loud. He doesn't enjoy that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he hit a home run with that Pete Rose interview. He said that George may give out too much information. The guy asked if they could put Pete in Craig's Radio Hall of Fame if he can't get into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Howard said they were actually talking about doing that last night.
Robin started her news with a story about Tiger Woods wife moving in and out of their house. Robin said that she has apparently moved out again now that some new texts came out from Joslyn James. Gary said that Joslyn will be there on Monday morning. Robin said that Joslyn is supposed to be dancing at a strip club near where Tiger will be playing in a couple of weeks.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that George is funny as hell and it's an honor to have him on the show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Tiger shot a new commercial and it's up on TMZ's web site. Howard asked if there's any reference to his cheating in the commercial. The caller said there wasn't. Howard thought that was bullshit.
Robin got back to her news and did a story about the guy who runs the Dodgers and how he's having some problems with his wife. Howard had an idea for the Tiger Woods commercial and how they could have worked in the cheating thing. It was a Nike commercial so he came up with an idea for how they could say Elin had to keep them ready to go because she never knows when she's going to have to run out of the house.
Robin read some news about obesity and some study that was done where they found that fatty foods can be addictive just like narcotics.
Robin read about the NJ Nets and how bad they are. She said they're so bad that no one is even airing their games. She said that they're actually starting to play better now but no one is watching.
Robin read some news about the Yankees payroll being the highest in the world. She thought it was like 7 billion but Howard said that can't be right. Gary said that they're at like $200 million.
Robin read about the Superman comic book that sold for $1.5 million. She read about some other comic books that had sold for high numbers as well. Robin said the buyer and seller have asked to remain nameless. Howard said that no one gets laid paying $1.5 million for a comic book. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and other types of art.
Robin read a story about a teenager in Indonesia who chopped off his penis and threw it in a sewer after finding out his girlfriend was going to marry another man. Robin said they say that you can die from cutting off your penis. They weren't able to find the chopped off penis. Howard said that reminds him of John Wayne Bobbit. He said they actually found his penis.
George was surprised that you can die from chopping off your penis. He wondered how the Eunuchs could survive after doing something like that.
Howard read a live commercial after that story. Robin got back to her news and read a story about some 18th century dildos that were sold at auction recently.
Ralph called in and said that he has a copy of the Amazing Spider-Man that Howard gave him and he's going to get it graded by a guy who does that. He said they'll be doing that on Geektime. Howard said he wants it back if it's worth a lot.
Robin read about how people are changing their names on Facebook while looking for jobs so they're not found out if they're doing things wrong at work.
Robin read about how some churches are holding Seders with a Christian spin. Howard said he saw that Obama was holding a Seder and dipping his pinkie in a cup of wine. Robin read some details about Passover and that got Howard talking more about that. Howard ended up doing his Bill Clinton impression and talking about Passover. He had George Takei cracking up at his jokes about Passover and what he and Hillary would do. Robin told George not to encourage Howard by laughing. George kept laughing so Howard kept going. He was talking about hiding stuff inside Monica Lewinsky and Hillary. Howard, as Clinton, was joking that he had run into George in the Brambles and he had recognized his voice.
Robin asked if they could move on because they could be there all day if he kept that up. She got back to her news and read a story about the Christian Seders that she had mentioned earlier.
Robin read some news about Ricky Martin finally coming out of the closet and admitting he's gay. Robin said that Ricky has adopted some children and he's started writing his memoirs. Robin said that he's come out and said that he's a gay man. George said that he's glad that he has been able to come out like that. He said that he will help others come out because of this. George said he has gotten letters from people who have heard him on the show and they have been able to come out of the closet hearing him. George said people have accepted their gay children because they've heard him on the show.
Robin read a story about a politician in Brooklyn who is trying to stop the sagging pants that young men are wearing. Howard said he was reading about this and they are paying for these billboards that could be used for more important things. George said he saw people wearing pants hanging low when he was in school so it's nothing new. Robin said they weren't hanging as low as they do now.
Robin read about Erica Badu doing a new video and stripping off her clothes while walking down a Dallas street and collapsing where President Kennedy was shot. Robin said that the video was shot in one shot guerilla style.
Robin read that Jesse James' fourth mistress isn't talking and she's saying she's not interested in her 15 minutes of fame. Robin said that she is announcing that she's not going to talk though so that is talking. Robin said that she's got Gloria Alred representing her. Robin said that this woman apparently has texts and emails providing she was having an affair.
Howard said he saw this new TV show ''Pretty Wild'' that's really messed up. He said that it's amazing how messed up people are and they force their kids into doing modeling and stuff. Howard said the girls are hot though. He thinks that it's a hot show.
Howard did another live commercial and then Robin got back to her news. She read about the 2010 Census. Howard said he wasn't able to fill it out because it was too confusing for him. Howard said it seemed too complicated for him. George told him that it was fairly simple. Howard said he passed his along to his people to fill out for him. Robin said she hadn't seen her's yet so maybe her people took care of it too.
Robin read a story about a Pittsburgh Steelers player who may have assaulted a woman at a night club. Robin said that this was the second player on the Steelers who has gotten into trouble in recent months.
Robin read about how CT scans may be causing cancer because of the amount of radiation they put off.
Robin read about how 9 Massachusetts kids have been charged with bullying an Irish girl to the point of committing suicide. Robin said they are charging the kids and they may have more charges coming up.
Robin read about Will Smith being on the set of his wife's TV show. He's been hanging around the set and making quite a nuisance of himself. Robin said that he's apparently caused things to spiral out of control. They wrapped up and ended the show after that. It was around 11:55am.
Jon said that Howard was really hounding Pete to pop the question today. Gary said Pete wasn't going to fall for that.
Jon and Gary talked about Pete's gambling and the baseball hall of fame thing. Jon said he thinks that he has done his time and he deserves to be in the hall of fame. Gary said he thinks he belongs in the hall of fame too.
Jon said that when you compare Pete's career to what these guys are doing on steroids it's kind of hypocritical to leave him out.
Gary said he was listening to the book about Willie Mays and how even he wasn't voted in with 100 percent of the votes. He said that he only had like 94 percent.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he met Pete Rose out in Las Vegas and he is just a solid guy. He said he's met other guys and they're kind of asses. He said Pete is a good guy and he was there for the game while other guys were there for the money. He thinks that he belongs in the hall of fame.
The caller was also telling Gary that they should have Fred put all of the sound clips on the web site and sell them as ring tones. Gary said he's pretty sure Howard wouldn't want to do that.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they were upset when Robin said there were no sports experts on the show now that Artie is gone. Gary said that offended him. He said he knows sports just like Artie knew sports. Gary said he's not an expert but he can be the go-to guy.
Steve Langford came in and said that he was working as a reporter when the Pete Rose thing broke. Steve said that he went down to City Hall and got an interview with a top official at City Hall. He said that the official said that Pete was a no good low life off camera but then he got on camera and said that he was a great citizen of the city of Cincinnati. He said he got the feeling there were two sides to Pete Rose.
Jon asked Steve if he ever got to speak to Pete Rose. Steve said he did try to chase him down one time and got nothing out of him. He said he wasn't looking to talk at that point.
Steve said that if Pete had come out and spoken about what went on then maybe things would have been different. They also talked about Pete Rose talking about Bart Giamatti.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he grew up through the whole Pete Rose ordeal and he doesn't belong in the hall of fame. He said he broke the cardinal rule of betting on the game. Gary said that it has nothing to do with the way he played. He said that what he did had nothing to do with his stats. Gary and the caller were going back and forth talking about the betting on the game. The caller said that Pete betting on the game would make Pete play better so that is like betting against the team.
Jon asked Steve how his Robin special went last night. Steve said that it was tough getting hard answers out of Robin but it was great that she came in and sat with them. Steve said they can't get too deep with her but she did talk about some questions. Jon asked if there were any surprises. Steve said he thought her talking about adopting was a surprise.
Benjy asked if they covered anything about her and Brandon. Steve said there wasn't much new there. He feels that she is dating him but she isn't admitting to that. He said ''where there's smoke, there's fire.''
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Pete Rose's girl was Asian. They said she was. the caller said he was out in Vegas last year and he saw Pete walking down the aisle and saw him with the hottest chick. He said that it must have been the same one. He said he can't wait to get home to check it out to see if it's the same girl.
Jon brought up how Pete was claiming that he had sex with Kiana 3 times in an hour one time. Gary said that it doesn't happen immediately like it does when you're young. Benjy asked Gary how many times he could do it in an hour. Gary said it's just once. He said when he was younger he could do it more often.
Benjy got the guys caught up in one of his vortexes when he said that balding men have more testosterone than men with full heads of hair. Benjy said that they say that if you have more testosterone then you bald more.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that maybe they could play a game with Ross to give him access to the bathroom there. Gary said Ross would never do anything and they're not looking to give away the right to use the bathroom.
Jon asked if anyone else is complaining about not having access. Gary said that Ross is the only one who has complained. Gary said that he wishes that Ross had talked about it on the air today like he did off the air yesterday. Gary said he was pretty upset.
Jon asked Steve if anyone in the news department is upset about not being able to use it. Steve said he doesn't think that anyone has a problem with it. They went to break a short time later.
Ralph called in and said that he caught that too last night. Ralph said he hadn't asked Robin about it so he's not sure what's going on. Gary asked what he thinks about them. Ralph said he thinks that he'd have to think that they're not banging and she's just having fun making people think they are. Ralph said he can't imagine the two of them banging.
Ralph was saying he doesn't get the bathroom thing. He said that with the little bathroom if you shit the person that comes in there is going to know it was you making the stink. Gary said it depends on the timing. He said sometimes you can't control everything. He said he'd rather not go in there to go number 2 but sometimes you can't control it.
Ralph said he thinks that the bathroom is just a quickie thing and you don't want to stink it up for hours. Gary said it's right next to the TV guys and he'd be afraid of them telling Howard that someone just stunk it up. Gary said he hasn't gotten any shit smells. Scott the Engineer said he did yesterday right after Sal was in there.
Sal was telling the guys that if he goes to the bathroom out in the lobby he has to pass that hot chick receptionist, Aliah, and it's embarrassing. Sal said that it's even more embarrassing to leave the bathroom after he's taken a shit. Gary said they did a whole episode about that on ''How I Met Your Mother.''
Gary said that Sal probably passes many people but the only person that he thinks about is the receptionist. Sal said he's damn right.
Gary asked Sal if he would do a Meet the Shrink type thing with his father. Sal said his father would never do that.
Jon and Gary talked about how going to therapy is all about breaking it all down to find out why things happened in his life and why his father did what he did.
Jon asked if his wife isn't interested in going to therapy. Sal said that they bailed and he just started going in on his own. Sal said his therapist told him that his wife has given up on him because he doesn't have any interest in her. Sal said that he does get involved in those type of conversations now though.
Jon said it was odd how his wife didn't notice his beard. Sal said that is kind of weird. He said it's on 50 percent of his face.
Sal said he asked George if he should shave and George told him to shave it. He said that he has an evilness about him with the beard so he may shave it. Gary said that it's funny how hetero guys will take advice from gay guys about stuff like that.
Jon asked how Sal's beard holds up to Ronnie's beard. Gary said he thinks that the way they're trimming it down makes it look a little odd. He said that Sal's is too finely trimmed. Sal said that may be why it looks like ink. He said that he went to Gary for some advice on the beard. He said that Gary is a straight shooter and gave him some good advice. He said Gary told him he looked too finely trimmed and he looked kind of gay. Sal said he didn't ask Richard because Richard likes him any way he is. Gary said he likes the goatee better than the beard.
Gary said that Scott was so isolated for years and now his office is like the hub. Ronnie and Lisa G will hangout there with Scott and his intern. Sometimes other guys will hang out there too. Scott said he has pretzels and water in there for them so they can enjoy it. Scott said he doesn't take the pretzels home or anything. Gary said he doesn't think it's that big of a deal because it might last him a week.
Sal said it sucks that they can't get Scott to break down and freak out anymore. Scott said he almost did but he calmed himself down.
Jason came in and said that when he found that bag in his office he was so thrilled. He said that Scott is a shnurer and he proved it. Scott said he also has a bottle of Advil in there.
Jason said that Scott's story has been changing all morning long. First he said he didn't have any back there. Then it was other people bringing them into him. Now he has a whole bag in there.
JD came in laughing as Scott was saying that it's a great company because they do give them free pretzels and soda.
Ronnie came in to defend Scott. He said that he had a headache last week and he didn't have any Advil in the kitchen. Ronnie said that someone went and got some from a supply closet and he told them to keep it there. He said they didn't take it, someone else gave it to them. Ronnie said they didn't steal it and they're trying to insinuate that they did.
Ronnie said that they should be able to lock up Scott's office at night because people go through this stuff. He said people throw stuff all over. He said they take stuff and go through the shelves. Scott said that there are people who eat lunch in there on Saturdays when they do Geektime. He said he knows that Ralph goes in there to eat. He said he's seen guys go in there and take water on the weekends.
JD said that Ronnie owes him an apology. Ronnie said that this is a stupid argument. JD said Fred sent out a photoshop of Ronnie as the Gorton's Fisherman and Ronnie blamed him. JD said that Fred was the one who sent it out and he got it from a listener. JD said that it was on the email list and he showed it to Ronnie that he didn't send it. Ronnie said he doesn't care. He said that he wants JD to admit he was behind the whole thing.
Ralph called in and said he liked the Edward Mulhare comparison better than the fisherman. Ralph said that he doesn't think that anyone is going into Scott's office on the weekends. He said there's no party going on in there on Saturdays when they do Geektime... Saturdays from 2-4pm.
Ralph asked Jon if anyone goes in there before the show. Jon said he's never seen anyone in there from 2-4pm on Saturdays during Geektime.
Ronnie was saying that Scott doesn't like germs so he doesn't like to go into someone else's bag to get them. He said that he has just one bag in there to eat from. Ronnie was getting pissed at the guys for goofing on him about what he was saying.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's going to call himself Sal Jr. He said he has to ask Sal about his relationship and if he has ups and downs. He said his wife gets on his nerves and he has good and bad times. He said he thinks that Sal has the same thing. The guy said that his marriage isn't that great like Howard's is and he doesn't think Sal's is ''the worst'' like Howard said.
Sal said that the guy summed it up nicely. He said that they have their ups and downs and he vents his frustrations on the show. He said they do love each other and if they didn't they wouldn't be together.
Another caller said that Ronnie must be upset about the Gorton's Fisherman thing because of the cookie thing. Ronnie didn't get that. He said that he doesn't care about that other stuff. He said that anyone can take whatever they want and he doesn't care. Ronnie said that he's not that nice guy anymore. He said he's just a dick that stands in the hall.
Jon said that Ronnie doesn't even come back and say hello to them. Ronnie said that he doesn't have any friends there. He doesn't need to come back there. Ronnie said he doesn't need to talk to anyone back there. Jon didn't get why he was mad at him. Ronnie said he's not mad, he just doesn't have friends back there and he doesn't need them. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how George Takei was in with them all week. Howard welcomed him again to the show this week. Howard said George is a busy man but he does make time for them once in a while. Howard said Janice Dickinson is coming in today too. Robin said she has to prepare herself for that. Robin said she seems to be doing a lot of European shows lately. She said she's seen her on a few shows over there.
Howard said Janice is a little wacky. Robin asked if that's an act. Howard said he thinks that it's real. He said it's hard to fake that on a reality show. He said he got a copy of a Tori Spelling reality show and it looks like it's kind of staged and they're leaving out the crazy parts of her life.
Howard said he watched this other show ''Pretty Wild'' and you have to be retarded to put your life on TV. He said you have to be really desperate for attention. Robin said that's what Jon and Kate Plus 8 was like. She said they may have shown too much of their lives.
Howard said the models on ''Pretty Wild'' have no rules or limits and they're vomitus human beings. He said they're out of control. Howard said they're like wild animals running around in their habitat. George said it sounds like the Howard Stern Show. Howard said George is right in a way. Howard said he's in control himself but they look at people who are out of control. Robin said that they have been given credit for creating reality TV. Howard said he isn't the one out of control though. Howard said that show on E! is really good but he's not sure if he'll watch it again.
Howard said he watched American Idol last night and stayed up until 10. He said he still likes the show. He said he hears a lot of people complaining about it but he still likes it. Robin said that means he likes Ellen then. Howard said he does not. He said he watched the show before Ellen and he likes Simon. He said that it hasn't deterred him from watching it this season but when Simon leaves he'll stop watching. Robin said she won't believe it until she sees it. He said he did say that about marriage too so he'll have to see.
Howard said he loves to see Ellen dressing like a man every week. He said she has a masculine outfit on but it's kind of femmed up a little bit. He said she had a bow tie untied on last night. He said she obviously wants to be a man with a cock. He said he'd love to have her on the show. He knows she'd never do it though. He would love to ask her why she won't put on a dress. He figures she wants to be a man.
Robin said there are women who like to have the vagina but also like to be guys. Howard said he wants to know what that spectrum is with her. George said he thinks that she's a woman and she might enjoy that. George said he's a man who really enjoys his penis. Howard said they know he does. He said he might enjoy that penis a little too much.
Robin said that Ellen seems to be limited in her choices of what to wear and that's kind of fascinating. George asked Robin if she ever dresses like a man. Robin said she's worn tuxedos and stuff but she also gets glammed up and Ellen never does. George said that he has gotten glammed up too. Howard stopped him there and said that they were going in a direction that he didn't expect.
Howard took another call from Pittsburgh Pete who said that this Ochocinco guy was out in Seattle this week and Howard mentioned that Beth was out there too. Howard had mentioned that Beth was attracted to him. Pete was asking what the attraction was there. Howard said he isn't attracted to that guy or any guy so he doesn't get it.
Howard said Beth didn't say she was going to go out and fuck the guy. Pete said he's black though. Howard said that doesn't matter. He said he didn't even think about him being black. Pete seemed to be bothered by that. Pete said that would bother him about 5 percent more than if it was a white guy.
Howard said Beth wasn't saying she was going to go out and blow the guy. Pete said Howard seems to be talking about a lot of women on the show after that comment from Beth. Howard said he always talks about women on the show. He said he was watching FOX News and saw Megyn Kelly. He said she's really hot and he thinks she's coming in. He said he has a lot of questions for her.
Howard said that Megyn is an attorney too so that's quite a package. He said she reads very well too and she never flubs up on the news. He told Pete he's not going to go out and fuck this chick but he can talk about women that way.
Howard said he always gets into these weird conversations with Pete. He said that he doesn't get why he thinks that this Chad Ochocinco is an ugly guy. He thinks that it's a racial issue with Pete but Pete denied that. Pete said he doesn't think of Beth in that way and it pisses him off that she wants to be with that guy. Howard said she just said that he was handsome. He said he's not that insecure that he can't hear that from his wife. Howard said he hangs out with John Stamos and he isn't afraid that his wife is going to go sleep with him. Howard asked Pete how he can live his life thinking that way. He can't lock Beth up and keep her from seeing any other guys.
Pete said that it starts out like this and it's only going to get worse. Howard said Pete sounds like guys who think their women are their property and they cover up their faces with a birka. Howard asked Pete if he's married. Pete said he hasn't been with a girl in a long time. Howard said he has a lot of anger in him. Pete said he may have some anger there.
Howard told Pete he can't lock a woman in a room and keep them all to himself. Howard said Beth is out all day long and he doesn't know what she's up to but he's not going to worry about it. Robin said if you have a good relationship then it doesn't matter what happens outside.
Howard said if Beth cheated on him then she's not into him and they'd have to say goodbye. Howard said that would be an automatic out for him. Pete said that he only says that because he has plenty of options. He said if he were a regular guy he wouldn't talk like that.
Howard said Pete is right about the options thing. He said he had a girl he had sex with and she wanted to leave him to go back to her old boyfriend. Howard said he wanted to keep her because he didn't have many options. He said he had another girl who he liked and she went back to an ex who she wanted to go back to because he had red hair and a big penis. Howard said he used to have sex with this girl like 5 times in a night. He said that they'd stay in bed for the whole weekend. Howard said he never thought he owned her or anything like that though.
Howard said this girl broke his heart. He moved on with his life though. He said he would have been thrilled to take her back at the time because he didn't have many options.
Robin said she hopes that Howard would allow himself to be that in love again. Robin said it wasn't just desperation. She said that he was very open and fell in love with that person and didn't question it. Howard said he thinks he was in lust, not in love. Howard said it was about the sex. Robin said she thinks he was just going with his sexual drive.
Howard asked if Sandra Bullock should go back to Jesse James. Robin said she doesn't know about that but she did read that he was on his way to sex rehab yesterday when he got pulled over on the side of the road.
Howard talked more about this chick he was dating and how it wasn't like a real girlfriend. He said that she didn't tell him that his penis was small but the other guy was ''bigger.'' He said that she was breaking up with him over the phone and she described this guy telling him that he had a really big penis. He said there was nothing normal about this girl. He said she was a free spirit.
Howard said he's been with Beth for 10 years now and he knows her pretty well. Howard said he barely knew this girl who broke up with him.
Howard said he doesn't know what Pete is talking about today. Pete kept saying that he was upset about the comments she made about that guy and if it keeps up then he's in trouble. Howard said he and Beth should be able to talk about that kind of thing. He said they just feel that they're attractive and they just talk about that stuff in conversation. Pete didn't understand why they would bring that up. Howard said it's just a comment.
Howard said Beth could be with guys who are more handsome than he is. He said she's dated guys who were better looking than him. He said he's a good guy and Beth knows it. He said Pete could ask her about that. Pete said that girls don't want guys like that today and that's just the way it goes.
Howard said he was out running yesterday and this woman came up to him and said that her husband had just left her after 9 years. Howard said that she was running along side him telling him all of this stuff. He said he should have been able to outrun her. He said it was so depressing. She was in a winter coat and he wasn't able to pull away.
Howard said this woman told him that she's been dating and there are no good guys left out there. He said she was panicked thinking she's never going to meet a good guy. Howard said he felt bad for her so he told her that it took him a while to find a good woman. Howard said it took him a year. Robin didn't think it was that long. Howard said it was. He said he told the woman to give it more time.
Robin thinks that woman was trying to pick him up. Howard said maybe that was the case. Howard told Pete he still doesn't know what they're talking about. He let him go a short time later.
King of All Blacks called in and said that Pete was trying to say that it's kind of odd for Beth to say that a black man is good looking. Howard said that's weird that King is saying something like that. Howard said he gets that little ding of jealousy when she says something about another man but she was just saying that he was a good looking guy. Howard said the color of his skin doesn't matter to him. Howard said he's being honest.
Howard said he's told Beth that black women are good looking but it shouldn't matter what the color is. King said that's just not natural. King said that it's weird to him and he can't even describe why that is. He said that it looks weird when he sees a white person with a black person. Robin asked him about his wife. King said his wife is Latina so that's just cool.
Howard and King talked about Seal and Heidi Klum and Howard said that doesn't bother him when he sees that. King said it's just weird to him.
Howard said it's a burden to be that jealous. He said that it will disrupt your day and it's not worth the energy. Howard said that to be that jealous is just strange. King said it makes him angry when his wife says something like that.
King was complaining about some of the stuff going on with the guests on American Idol. That led to Howard talking about how taken Usher is with himself. He said he was giving the kids advice but he gave every kid the exact same advice. King said he doesn't like Usher either.
Howard told King he has to get going but King wouldn't let him say goodbye. King said he has something to tell Howard when he comes in. He said he has to show them the tattoo he got. Howard wanted to know what it was but King wanted to save it. He said goodbye to him about 10 times and King kept him on the line. Howard said he has to take his direction and let him hang up.
Howard said he admires people who go into the military. He said he even admires Robin. Howard said it's really ballsy to go out there and fight for this country. Howard said he's not man enough to go out and do that. Howard said he hates these people like George W. Bush who had it easy in the National Guard. Howard said that he finds it hard when someone becomes commander in chief and didn't serve.
Howard said that he would vote for Buzz no matter what because the guy has balls. Howard said that's not like a bank robber who uses his balls for bullshit. This guy did something that makes him a real hero.
Howard said that Shannen Doherty looks like she has seen some rough days. Robin said she didn't look great on the dance floor but she thought she looked okay. Howard said he saw that Pam Anderson got low votes and he figures it's women voting. He said that Pam is way not likeable to women. Howard said strippers like her because they want to be like her. Howard said most women don't like her though. Howard thought she danced pretty well though.
Howard said Pam has gotten a very weird affect on the show. He said she makes faces when she's just sitting there. Fred said she's like Medicated Pete. He said it's almost like she's had too much coffee. Howard said she kind of starts flexing her legs and seems to need a lot of attention. Howard said women just don't like her.
Howard said they have to keep Pam on the show and he thinks that they may be fixing the votes to keep her there for ratings.
Howard said that this chick from the Pussycat Dolls might be the most attractive woman he's ever seen. He said that the women don't like Pam Anderson though. He said that the good looking chicks get voted off early unless they're exceptional dancers.
The caller also asked Howard if he would do The Price is Right if he was asked to do it. Howard said it would be tough for him to do that show. He said that he would like to do a game show that had an edge to it. He said he would probably do it though. He said he thinks he'd like to do a show like that.
Robin said that Drew Carey has taken that show over and it's his show now. Howard said that's what his parents say too. He did an impression of his father talking about Drew and how the audience loves him. Howard said his father told him that Bob Barker would run behind the curtain and hide if women ran up to him. Howard said his father thinks that Drew was a football player too.
Howard said you know you're getting old when you think that game show hosts are your friends. He said that's what his parents are like. Howard said his mother likes Drew too.
Robin asked what else they watch in the morning. Howard said his father goes to the track a lot so he's not sure. He said he can't figure out their schedule.
Howard was telling Robin what his parents by going into their voices. He was telling Robin about how his father will ride a stationary bike and how they'll eat their breakfast and things like that. His mother has a schedule that she sticks to every morning. Howard was describing the foods they eat and things like that.
Howard told Robin about his father keeping track of what he eats so he can rotate through different things. He won't change his regimen on that stuff. He said that even if he's in the mood for something different he won't change. Howard said that's beyond crazy. Howard said he eats a couple of different cereals and he will have whatever he's in the mood for. Howard said his father sticks to the routine.
Howard said he was never able to talk to his parents about anything real. He would go through their drawers and he found that his father had a gross of condoms in his drawer. He said they must have been very sexual if that's the case. He said that it would go down too so they must have been doing it. Howard said he doesn't know who buys condoms by the gross.
Howard did his mother's voice again and talked about how they must watch The Price is Right together around 11. They go to lunch at the Yogurt shop every day so they must go after that. Howard said his father complains about the coffee there. He gets frozen yogurt there and has blueberries and bananas on top of that. Howard was in his father's voice talking about where the best blueberries come from. He said they come from Chile.
Howard said his father goes to the track and people recognize him there. Howard said his dad isn't a friend kind of guy. Howard said his father thinks that most people are morons and don't talk about anything. He said that he can't tolerate any kind of nonsense. He said he had a friend who would tell jokes all the time and he hated that.
Howard said his parents have so many rules. He said he would shake thinking about them all. He said he would shake like that kid Waldo in the Van Halen video for ''Hot for Teacher.'' Howard said he's not sure how they fit in that Price is Right thing in their routine. He said he wants them both to live forever because they're so attached. He said that his mother has said she doesn't know what she would do without him. Howard said he doesn't know what he'd do either because he'd be stuck with his mother. Howard said she may end up going to the old age home.
Howard said he's banking on Robin taking care of his mother. He said that he'll send her there because she's such a do gooder. Howard said he may hire the guy who played his father in ''Private Parts'' to live with his mother if his father dies.
Howard said he would have to provide for his parents since they did that for him. Howard said he didn't ask to be there though. George said that they're very glad he is there. George liked that conversation they just had. Howard said that his mother's voice is in his head 99 percent of the time so it comes right out. George said it's very rich and it comes right out. Howard said it goes away when he plays chess. Howard said he has to shush the voices in his head when he plays chess.
George asked Howard how he got into chess. Howard said he learned as a kid but then a few years ago he played a game against this guy Isaac who worked there and Isaac beat him. He said that he had learned in a class in school so he figured he could learn. Howard said he went on this web site where this guy Dan Heissman teaches chess. He said the guy taught him over the phone. He said he got the lesson and he liked it. Howard said he didn't know how involved it was. He said it would take you a lifetime to begin to understand it.
Howard said the internet is fabulous because you can go out there and find out about this stuff. Howard said this guy Dan is a really nice guy too. Howard said he learned more about chess and started to play more. Howard said that the brain likes this game because it enriches it. It's like working out your mind.
George said this says a lot about Howard. He said that it shows that he's intelligent and he enjoys the battle that goes on in the game. Howard said he plays on the internet on the ICC. He said he goes on and plays there and there are people who cheat so there are assholes out there. Howard said you can tell when someone cheats though.
George asked Howard if he has ever thought about teaching his parents chess. Howard said he can't do that. Howard said that you will never see a chess player with Alzheimers. Robin said that's not true. Howard and George both agreed that it is true. They said that you can't play if you have Alzheimers because you're constantly using your mind.
Howard kept telling Robin that George was on Star Trek so she should listen to what he has to say. Robin thought that he was an Admiral on the show but George said he was only a captain. They kept him there. It was Bill Shatner who became Admiral. That led to George telling some more stories about Bill and the wacky stuff he used to do on the set. He said that one time Bill and Leonard had a stand off where they refused to work until they got what they wanted. George said that they had suits going back and forth between the two of them. They were working things out between them and it took hours.
George said that it turns out that Bill had in his contract that he had approval of what photographer was on the set. He said that guy didn't have anything to do with Bill but Bill didn't want him there.
Howard said he can't imagine that. He said that they had this new series going and Bill had approval in his contract in the first season. Howard said you can't blame Leonard for that though. He probably didn't have any idea what was going on. George said that he didn't and Leonard stuck his ground with that too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's very comical when he talks about his mom and dad. He said that he must rewind that stuff in his head like the Zapruder film and he loves it. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that those guys in Van Halen are assholes. He said that they had a good band with David Lee Roth and then with Sammy Hagar. Howard said it worked with both of them and they got rid of both. Howard said they didn't get along with Sammy or Dave. Howard said he can't imagine that it was Sammy because he was such an easy going guy. Howard said they have to get Eddie back in there to talk about that. He said that he hasn't heard anything from Eddie in a while. Robin wondered if anyone is hearing from him.
Howard sang along to the song with the Autotune on. That led to him talking about a prank call that Sal and Richard made using the Autotune. They called a pizzeria using the Autotune on their voices. He played the call where they placed the order with the Autotune on their voice. The girl at the pizzeria was laughing as they placed the order. They were singing the order to her.
Howard said it sounded like those two idiots could get lucky with that chick. He said that she was laughing and enjoying it. He said he's surprised that they didn't pick up on that and ask her out. Robin asked if they go and pick the order up or do they have to cancel it. Howard said he can imagine Sal going down there and singing to the girl the way his wife hates him and how much he hates being married.
Howard asked George if he has ever tried the Autotune thing. George wasn't familiar with it. Howard said that it kind of puts your voice into tune. Howard said he was going to try to put George on the Autotune but it wasn't working right. He had George sing but it wasn't working right. He finally got it and George sang ''On the Road Again'' with the Autotune on. George did that for a short time and had it working.
Howard took George out of it and George thought it sounded great. Howard turned the Autotune off and said that George has to play with his voice more. He demonstrated how to do that. Howard said he could do that all day long.
Howard said Richard will drink like 10-15 beers during the show and he'll piss his diaper. George said that has happened to him in the theater. He said that he's dribbled a little bit. He said he's held it and held it until it came out. He didn't want to miss any of ''The Man Of Lamancha.''
Howard sang some of the music from that play and George said he would be great in that play. Howard and George both sang ''Dream the Impossible Dream'' together after that. Howard said no one could pee during that.
Lisa said that Richard will not be using the diaper but he will be wearing it anyway. The venue they were playing at is small enough that Richard can go to the bathroom normally.
Howard said the band wanted to come in and they were going to have Richard do something crazy to meet them. Howard said they've had him do just about everything at this point though. He said they're still working on it.
Lisa said they spoke to The Galloping Gourmet who Howard's mom used to watch. Howard said she thought he was no good because he was joking around too much. Lisa said that he agrees with Howard's mom and he didn't like the shtick but his wife thought he needed to do it. He eventually cut it out though.
Lisa said that sculptor Martha Walker came up with a new name for a sculpture she did called ''Benjy Vortex.'' She's a big fan of the show and took that from the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he has been caught up in that Benjy Vortex before.
George said that Benjy was helpful yesterday. He said that Benjy suggested they take the kids to the Sony Interactive museum and Madam Tussauds. He said that's what they did and they had a great time. Howard said Benjy is a sweetheart and he's trying to find himself and he can't give a direct answer. He said he seems to be trying to be an Andy Kaufman type of guy but he can't seem to figure it out. Howard said everything with Benjy is a shtick. He said he fakes his birthday and stuff on Facebook and he doesn't understand why.
Benjy wasn't saying anything but he was smiling so George got a laugh out of that. Howard said that he just doesn't want to get sucked into that Benjy Vortex.
Howard said they've helped this fuck head Hamid Karzai have an election. Howard said if it wasn't for them then he'd be living in a hut somewhere. Robin said he was actually living here. Howard said we went in there and cleaned up the country somewhat and made it so they can have their own government. He said they had an election over there and they had all kinds of corruption going on. Howard said this motherfucker now hates America. He said that as soon as we leave that country he's not going to be President. Howard said the only reason he is someone is because of us. Howard said he's now coming out with anti-American statements.
Howard said he also invited Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to visit him. Howard said this shit head is giving us crap after what we did for him. Howard said that President Obama has put off a meeting with him because of that.
Howard said this guy Hamid Karzai is hated by the show now. Howard said they are against this guy and it's unanimous.
Howard said there's also some news about these militias that are here in this country. He said that it seems to be based on religion and they get their guns and try to figure out what to do with them. Howard said there are these guys who have been arrested because they had a plot to find a cop somewhere and kill the guy. He said after that they were going to go to the funeral and blow up all of the cops at the funeral. Howard said that was the whole reason for this group.
Howard said that he knows that these assholes are going to get a lawyer who will come up with some excuse for how they weren't going to actually do anything. Howard said they will get off and he's sure of that. Howard said there are ton of these nudniks running around out there. He said that militia is too cool of a word for them. He said they should be called nudniks.
Howard said there are also women becoming suicide bombers. He talked about how they're doing that in Russia right now. Howard said he was reading that women can put explosives in breast implants. They figured out that it can't be detected. Howard read an article about that. He said that it was from The Sun though so he's not sure how true it is.
Howard said he was reading about Octomom looking for a husband or a new boyfriend. Howard said he wants to meet the guy who goes out with her. He said she's got 14 children. He said that should be against the law.
Howard said he got some ratings news about late night TV. Howard said that Jay Leno is number 2 and Letterman is third. He said that Nightline is beating them both. Howard said that he never thought that a news show would beat late night talk shows.
Howard said maybe Oprah is retiring at the right time so she goes out before it goes downhill even more. Howard said maybe now she'll put some effort into her radio show. Howard said he'd like to meet the executive who paid her all of that money over at XM. Howard said she's giving him ideas for how to negotiate.
Howard said he wants Oprah's deal. He said that's what he's looking for. He doesn't have to come into work and they have to pay him. Howard will just put his friends on the air instead.
Ralph called in and told Howard that he watches Nightline almost every night. He said that it's light stuff but it's topical. He said last night they were talking about why it's been raining so much and the saggy pants story and stuff like that. Ralph said the stories are short and it's good stuff. He said it's not really newsy and it's more pop culture kind of stuff. Ralph said he sticks with that and watches Jimmy Kimmel after that.
Howard said Ralph has some lifestyle there. He said he asked Ralph to get him a nice hat. He said he can't find one that fits him. He said he saw that John Varvatos has some nice ones. He said Ralph claims he called over there and they didn't have anything. He said that Ralph could drive over there to get one. Ralph said he did drive over there and they didn't have any that would fit his big, fat head. Ralph said he was at a couple of stores and no one had a size that would fit him.
Howard said it pisses him off that Ralph can stay up so late. Ralph said it's not that late. Howard said he was watching ''Underworld: Evolution'' and thought it was really good. He said that Kate Beckinsale is so perfect. He said that she's running around with that tight ass of her's and it would turn George straight. Howard talked about what that movie was about. He and Ralph talked about that a little bit. Howard told Robin that it's her cup of tea too.
Howard said he was watching it on FX and said that he had to forward through the commercials. He said he hasn't watched a commercial in years. He said he sees them for a few seconds during the fast forward but he won't even stop to see what's going on.
Howard said that he can watch whatever he wants when Beth is away. He was watching American Idol and ''Underworld: Evolution'' at the same time. He would just pause one show and start the other. He was going to try a three way thing with Dancing with the Stars too but he didn't attempt that. Howard said he had his lasagna last night too. He said he has that to eat and he cooked it too long the other night. He said he cooked it for 11 minutes and Beth told him that he just had to cook it for like 4 minutes. Howard said it came out like rubber. He said that the lasagna was molded to his plate.
Robin said they had a kid who nuked Howard's potato so long that it became one with the plastic plate it was on. Howard said that's what the lasagna was like. Howard said he figured he had to eat what was on the plate since that was his portion. He said he started to chip at it with a fork and knife. Robin said that she's not sure what he was eating if he nuked it that long. Ralph said it must have turned into something else. Howard said he didn't care. He said he can't use a regular oven.
Howard said that this lasagna has eggplant, turkey and noodles in it. He said he can't cook that stuff in the regular oven though. He said he has to have it as soon as possible. George said that Howard has inherited a lot of things from his father. Howard said the lasagna is very special to him.
Robin said he could order in. Howard said he doesn't like to do that. He said he loves Italian food and he has this great place he goes to but their portions when you order in are too small. He said they're perfect when he goes to the restaurant.
Howard said he was eating while reading the paper about that fucking asshole in Afghanistan. He said he wanted to stick a fork in the guy. Howard talked about how his mother would tell him stories about his grandfather and how he didn't let anyone speak during meals. Howard said that she won't read or watch TV now herself but when he was a kid that's all they did.
Howard said he loves this lasagna and a friend of his makes it for him. He said he loves that Italian food. Robin said he does eat other kinds of food. Howard said he does that but only under protest.
Howard said that Robin told him that she was going to have these wine friends there. He said that he was fuming when he found out about that. He didn't want to sit with two strangers. Howard said that he didn't want them telling all of their friends what he was talking about at dinner. He said that he didn't know who the guys were and he was kind of upset about her inviting them.
During that discussion George was mentioning that he has fantasies about George Clooney. Howard asked him if he would wrestle with him. George cut himself off saying that he talks too much on this show so he was going to stop now.
Howard said they went out to this nice restaurant and they were able to sit in a private area. Robin said they did have private dining. Howard said he liked that. He said the room was very beautiful. Howard said they went for an 8 o'clock dinner. He said they had some champagne. Howard said he usually eats around 5 and this was getting really late. Howard said Beth went up to Robin and said something about that. He said he heard later that she had told Robin about that and Robin got dinner started.
Robin said she thought Howard was enjoying himself so she didn't know that he was ready to eat. Robin actually showed up late to the dinner.
Howard said Fred and his wife were there sitting next to him. He said he liked the conversation they had. Gary and his wife were there too. Howard said Pat and his wife Deb were there as well. Howard said there was no Ralph there. Ralph said Robin brought her other companion.
Howard said the wine guys were nice guys and they were very good there. Howard said the whole thing was very nice. Howard said the guys were loving sitting there with him. He said that there was some tension in the room because he had said that he didn't want them there. Howard said they had a great time. He said he had to take a break after that. He said that Janice Dickinson is coming in. He said he had to get to her.
Howard said he should start a magazine like Us but with people he wants to see. He said he'd have like 2 pages of Kate Beckinsale in every issue. He would want to see Megyn Kelly from FOX News too. He said that he'd have one issue where he'd put Megyn Kelly and Kate in the same outfit and vote for who wore it best. Howard said 80 percent of the magazine would be just those two. He'd also follow the Pope around with his scandal. Howard said that guy is wearing some of the same outfits that Kate and Megyn are wearing.
Fred said that Kate is actually married to some director. Howard read some details about that. He talked more about how hot she was in that movie he was talking about earlier, Underworld: Evolution. Robin said she's in a lot of terrible movies. Howard said that's probably true. George said she was in ''Pearl Harbor.'' Fred read the lots of movies she's in and she was in ''The Aviator'' but other than that most of the movies weren't recognizable to Fred. Howard said he has some ideas for movies for her. He said they should have had her in Hot Tub Time Machine or at least put her in the sequel.
Howard said that he wanted Angelina Jolie in there too but then said she's getting too skinny. Robin said that he's never said that someone is too skinny. Howard said she's looking like a lollipop head these days. Howard said that it's usually a good thing to be thin but she's too thin for him now. Howard said you never say that to the person you're banging though.
Howard said that this would be his Us magazine. He talked about some of the other people and things he'd put in the magazine. He said that he doesn't like it when people go after him with cameras but he likes it when they go after other celebrities. Howard said he would want to see Pierce Brosnan and his wife. Howard said his wife is kind of chubby and he likes it when they get pictures of her. Howard said it would be great if he left his wife for Gabourey Sidibe. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked George if that was him singing. George said that was someone who got some tape of him.
Howard said that Janice Dickinson was coming in but she didn't really have anything to promote. Howard said she was on ''I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here'' not too long ago.
Janice came in and said that she hadn't seen Howard since he got married. She said that she told him to marry that gorgeous girl and he laughed at her. Howard said he has changed. Janice said that they have all changed.
Howard asked Janice if people have to be crazy to go on a reality show. She said you absolutely have to be. Janice brought up the Erica Badu video where she stripped down naked. Howard said they actually pulled the video because another couple had done the exact same thing. He said that they pulled it down because of copyright issues.
Howard asked Janice where she grew up. She said she grew up in Hollywood, Florida. Howard said that Janice is the original ''Supermodel.'' Janice said there are a lot of women taking credit for that but she is the real thing. Janice said she's the one who coined the term. She said she started out modeling at 13. She said boys didn't come after her because she was sex crazed and a Tom boy.
Howard asked Janice if she banged a lot of guys. She said she did. She didn't lose her virginity until she was 16 though. She said that was in the mid 70s though. Howard said it sounds like she wasn't very discriminating. Janice said she wasn't. She would just drop trau like Erica Badu.
Howard said Janice was having sex with women back then and that wasn't that accepted back then. Janice said that sex is good and it was kind of accepted back then.
Howard said that Janice had sex with Sylvester Stallone and he had spoken to him about her one time. He asked if she heard what he said about her. He played some audio of Sylvester talking to him on the phone about Janice. He wasn't saying anything that bad. He was calling her a liar and things like that. Janice said she had a good month with him.
Howard said it sounds like Sylvester is angry with her though. Janice laughed and said that's funny. She said that he has to protect his family so he has to say things about her. Janice said that she saw Sylvester out pumping gas into his Ferrari and he kind of said something to her but she didn't stick around long.
Howard asked if she would still have sex with Sylvester if he asked. Janice said yes. She said they had fun when they were together. Howard asked why it ended. She said that he wanted his ex back. She said she may have been a bit too much to handle.
Janice told Howard that she's been a recluse for a year now. She said that she was in hiding and she had to get out of the public eye for a while. She was talking about her daughter and how she had to protect her from the people out there. Howard asked if she talks to her about sex and stuff. Janice said she has tried but she doesn't want to listen.
Howard talked about Janice doing Finland's Next Top Model show and she breaks down and cries. He played some audio of that and Janice was saying that she put that all on. Janice was yelling at the other models telling them to call an ambulance for her. She was calling them all dumb too. Janice said that's what goes on at a set like that.
Howard asked Janice if she has any money. Janice said she has had a tough year. She said that she, like everyone else, had a tough time with the economy being the way it is. Howard read about some of Janice's financial problems but she said she's doing fine now. Janice said she's doing okay and she's doing it all without anyone's help.
Janice is 55 and she has a 32 year old boyfriend. She said that he's a good guy and she hopes that he's faithful with her. Howard asked if she's worried about it being a Sandra Bullock situation. Janice said she hopes she doesn't. She said she may have the have him followed to make sure he's not doing what Jesse James was.
Howard asked Janice if she pays or everything. She said that she contributes. Janice told Howard that her boyfriend had her read the book that Slash wrote and she found out that he had done even more drugs than she had. She said that they went to Slash's house and they were both sober. Janice said that the others were partying but she and Slash were sober. She said she kind of misses that but she really can't drink anymore. She'd end up crying like she was on that tape if she did drink.
Howard asked Janice if she's able to keep up with her 32 year old sexually. She said she can. Janice said they have a nice time. She has gone through menopause but she doesn't need any lubricants. Howard said Robin claims the same thing. Janice said she's juicy. Howard said Robin claims she doesn't need any lube for anal either. Janice said she doesn't either.
Howard said he remembers Janice having a problem with her doody on that reality show she was on. Janice wasn't able to go to the bathroom for days. She said that she was really backed up and she almost told the doctor to stick his fist up there to get it out.
Howard asked if she shits every day. Janice said that she's pretty regular. She said that you need to take stuff that lubricates you from the inside. Howard said he imagines her taking little rabbit doodies. Janice said she loves Howard. She doesn't know how he does it every day.
Howard said he heard that she wanted to bang Simon Cowell. Janice said she does. Janice told Howard to finance a movie for her where she plays ''Whoreat'' instead of Borat. She wants to chase after Simon Cowell. Howard said he thinks that Simon would be scared by her. She said that she put her hand on his ass and it was kind of flabby. She said that he made out with her and she stuck her hand back there. She said they were doing some event together and Simon planted a kiss on her.
Howard said that Janice dislikes Tyra Banks. Janice said she thinks she's okay. Howard said he had some statements she made about her and they weren't very nice. Janice said she worked together with her for 5 seasons and it was fine. She said that she just says stuff to create controversy.
Howard asked Janice about her plastic surgery and Robin pointed out that Howard had some work done. Howard said he just had his nose shaved a little bit. Janice said that he looks like a model now.
Howard asked Janice if she's sorry she got started with plastic surgery. Janice said she's not sorry. Janice said that she had to fill the ridges on her face and keep the frown lines away. She said she hid that from her husband and she started doing it at 32. Howard said that's sad in a way. He said she couldn't have needed it that bad at 32. Janice said she totally did.
Howard asked Janice about going out with Mick Jagger. She said they went out for a year and he just called it off over the phone one day. She said he just told her to lose his number and never call again. Janice said that she took it pretty hard. She said it was very mean. Howard said he could have let her down more gently. Janice said that she was fragile after being with him for a year. Howard said that's kind of arrogant to do something that way.
Howard asked who dumped her the best so she didn't feel bad. Janice said there was a movie executive who dumped her. She said that he was very nice about it but he will remain nameless. Howard said that was a decent thing to do.
Robin said that a lot of women who have stayed friends with Warren Beatty. Janice said that she was on page 291 of his book. She said she loves reading about herself.
Janice said that Warren was with like 19,000 women. Howard said that he loves women but doing that means that you are dicking a lot of women and just rolling them in and out of your room. He said he feels sorry for the guy. Howard said back in the day he was getting all of these women but he couldn't have treated them very well. Janice said that she's heard that he didn't treat them very well.
Howard said he feels something for people and he couldn't fuck 19,000 women or whatever the number was. He said he'd have to be completely detached to do something like that.
Howard asked Janice if she ever had a threesome. She said she has and she's done it with two women and with two men. Howard asked what that's like with two men. She said that she had someone that was so hot. She said it was with Rob Lowe. She said it was years ago though. Janice said it was Rob and one of his buds. She said they were just having fun that night. Howard asked if it was just sex. Janice said this was like 25 years ago and it was great.
Howard asked Janice where they did it. Janice said it was in some guy's guest house at some mansion. Janice said that she doesn't even remember that much about it. She said she remembers little pieces of it. She said that it was a lot of missionary position stuff. She said they had safe sex too. Janice said that one guy would be in her and the other would be rubbing her Raisinettes.
Janice figured that Howard had to have done some wild stuff in his studio. Howard said he never did. He said he was married and he didn't cheat on her. He said there were plenty of women who wanted to do stuff but he never did. Howard said it was confusing for him and he did have tremendous temptation. He said it was hard for him to go home after that.
Janice said that she saw Howard at a bar one night and he ran away from her. Howard said he was scared of her. Janice asked if George was afraid of her. George told her that he's gay. Janice said that gay men can be scared of her too. Janice said that she wasn't coming on to Howard that night. She said that she just wanted to talk to him because she was a huge fan of his.
Howard asked Janice what she's up to now. She said that she's going to meet with the networks about doing another show.
Howard took a call from a woman who is Janice's make up artist. She said that Janice is the most misunderstood woman in the world.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked if Janice is a coke whore like the rest of the models. Janice said if she could still do coke she would. She said that she loved cocaine. Janice said it was very addictive. Janice said that she once did some coke and came on the show and ended up staying quiet. Howard asked if she thinks that the coke wore her out at 32 and that's why she needed plastic surgery. Janice said that you shouldn't do drugs or drink if you're a model or not. Janice said that in the 70s they all bought into the coke thing and it was like a whole culture.
Howard took a call from a Sylvester Stallone impersonator who was talking about how crazy Janice is. Howard quickly moved on to another caller. That caller asked if she likes to have her ass spanked. Janice said she does. She said she'd be fine with being knocked out by a guy. She said that she doesn't like to be choked though.
Howard asked Janice if she likes her ass eaten. She said that she will do that to a man. Howard said that George has done it to a man too. Howard said George did say that you do smell ass. Janice said that she has to have visited a brewery before doing something like that.
George said that he did ''I'm a Celebrity...'' show too and he had beans with the rice and that kept him regular. Janice said that she thinks that they put something in her rice. She said she doesn't like beans but she did eat them.
Howard said that Janice wasn't very nice in that show. She would go out and pee in the camp. Janice said that she didn't want to walk that far to the bathroom. She and George shared some stories about their experiences. They talked about the rats in camp and George was saying that the rats they had were laboratory raised. Janice said she was bitten by one and it wasn't a lab rat. She asked if he had a good time doing it. George said he did and he lost weight doing it. Janice said that was the best part of doing it.
Howard said this was fascinating but they had to end the interview. Howard asked Janice how her body is holding up. Janice said it's still tight. She had a tummy tuck. Howard asked to see it and she showed him. He said it did look good.
Howard asked if Mick Jagger had a small penis. Janice said that it was as small as an infant's penis. Howard asked if she was serious. She said that she was and he pads it all down there when he's on stage. She said that Sylvester is big. Liam Neeson is big too. She said it was like a soda bottle fell out of his pants. She said she freaked out when she saw it. Howard asked if it grew to a bigger size when he got hard. She said it was huge. Howard asked if the sex is better when it's that big. She said it's not. She said you don't want to get hurt by it.
Howard asked Janice if she thinks Sandra Bullock should leave Jesse James or not. She said that she wouldn't be able to handle it herself. Janice said she can see one or two mess ups but not this much. Howard said that Jesse had pictures of himself giving the Heil Hitler salute and making the little Hitler moustache. Janice said he should be shot just based on that.
Ralph called in and said that Janice has great stories. He asked her about going to Studio 54 and what that was like. Howard said she had a wild life. Ralph asked where the wildest place was that she did it. She said she did it in the frozen food section of the supermarket. She said she's done it at a lot of other places too.
Janice said that she did it with a male model there in the supermarket. Janice said it was hot and it was quick. Ralph asked who the most famous guys were that she banged. Howard said that she just talked about doing Mick Jagger and Sylvester Stallone.
Janice said that this fire fighter that she has now is nice but she's never content. Howard said that he feels really great with Beth. Janice asked Robin how she is. Robin said she's still looking for things. Ralph asked if Janice is coked up today. Janice said she's not.
Howard asked if Janice is shaved down below. Janice said that she had it removed with a laser. Howard said that doesn't work. Janice said it worked for her. Howard said he had some hair removed but it came back. Janice asked if he has hair on his cock. Howard said that he does groom down there but he has some hair that grows on the shaft. Janice seemed freaked out by that.
Howard asked Janice if she stuck her tongue in Sylvester Stallone's ass. She said she probably did but she doesn't remember. Howard asked if any man ever hit her. She said that Sly hit her but she was probably mouthing off to him. She said that no woman should ever get hit though. Howard said he liked the guy sand he never hit him. Howard said that was odd that she said she would sleep with him even after she claims he hit her. Janice said maybe she was wrong about that. They wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he does love the Stones. He said he knows he's not a good judge of male sexiness but he figured that Mick Jagger would be very sexy to women but women ask him if he's crazy when he says that. Robin asked Howard ''What's wrong with you?'' Howard said he wants to believe that Janice was being truthful about Mick's small penis too. Robin said she may have been exaggerating.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that George inspired him to go out and offer his friend his kidney. The caller's phone was cutting out so Howard had to let him go.
Another caller asked Howard to get George to move to New York and come on the show more. George has said it many times that he does have a home there in New York but he has work out in California too.
Howard had George do an announce for them. George did a quick one for him. After that they played a song parody that the guys had made up using clips of George saying ''Mmm Cock.''
Howard asked George if it's disappointing when he finds a man with a small cock. George said that everyone gay wants a big penis and so do women.
Howard said JD sent him a link to something gay. He said that it was 3 men blowing each other and giving each other hand jobs. He said he gave it like 5 seconds and it was too hard core for him. He said it was too much for him to handle.
JD came in and said that he didn't send him a link to a video. JD said that it was a link to a box cover for a video of twin brothers who are gay and fuck each other. Howard said that's what it was. He said they were with another guy and he was out of there within seconds. JD said he didn't send him the link to the video. He said it should have just been a box cover. Howard said Jeff Schick is going to think he's gay if he finds that crap on his computer.
Howard said Ashley Dupre was a hooker and they gave JD 5 grand to take her out and she said no to him. He said JD has bad timing.
Steve said that they have a story about a judge that is making the family of a dead man pay for court fees for the God Hates Fags people who had to go to court for protesting at his son's funeral.
Steve said that they have a story about Jim Breuer and how he's credited Howard with helping him figure out how to do radio. Howard said he loves that guy Jim. He said he'd love it if he came on the show and did his Goatboy or Joe Pesci he's love it. He said he could come in an do a half hour as either of those and he'd be happy.
Howard said if he still had his production company he'd develop something for Jim to do. He said he loves that Goatboy thing. He said he'd laugh like De Niro in Cape Fear. Howard said he'd do a whole show as him as Joe Pesci. He said he could have him as a delusional guy who thinks he's Joe Pesci all the time. He said he doesn't get why Jim doesn't have a show.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. They were talking about Janice Dickinson during that and George said that his roster of men is miniscule compared to her's. That led to Howard correcting him on the pronunciation of that word. George said he's learning about how to pronounce a lot of words on the show.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern show preview next. That led to Howard talking about how they have to go to the kitchen area and try out some of the meals they have in this new vending machine. He said he heard about some of the stuff they have in there on the Wrap Up Show this week.
Howard said someone told him that they have the free food back there to keep people working and told him to lay off of Scott the Engineer. Howard said when they have free stuff that doesn't mean you have to take it. He said Jackie used to take stuff from K-Rock all the time.
Gary said that one time they did a show where they smacked a girl on the ass with a fish and Jackie took the fish home and ate it. Howard said Jackie was bragging about how delicious it was. Gary said he thought it was disgusting and Jackie told him he just cooked it at a high heat. Gary said Jackie would take anything that wasn't nailed down and he would take a whole six pack of water home while other people would take maybe one.
Steve Brandano said that they're going to talk to Pete the Intern about his life tonight on the show. That's at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard said they must be suffering since Artie left. He said that Artie was eating a lot of stuff from those machines. He said that Artie was eating cookies and Hawaiian Punch every day. Gary said he was eating a bagel with cream cheese and pancakes or waffles covered in syrup. He said he would do that and then have four cupcakes on Wednesday when they got their cupcakes.
Howard asked Robin what was in the news. Fred played her new theme song from Guatemala. Robin started her news with a story about twin daughters who were born with different skin tones. They were a mixed race couple and their kids came out with different skin colors. Howard said that was pretty crazy. Howard said that they should send out a gift to the twins but just send it to the white one. He said that they would get a ton of people saying they were racist. He said he'd love to pull that off.
Robin read about how football is now the most popular sport in the country. It used to be baseball. Robin said they found that only 10 percent of the people polled found baseball to be the favorite.
Robin read a story about a bionic eye prototype that was revealed in Australia. Howard said that the first eyes will probably be shitty. He said that it'll be like hearing said that still don't work quite right. Howard seemed to think it was pretty big news but they may never hear about it again.
Howard asked George about some Star Trek stuff and asked if he keeps up on the other series that ran. George said he does. Howard said that William Shatner must be into the series because he writes those books. George said he's heard that he doesn't write them but he puts his name on them. Howard said that's another thing they'd have to talk to him about if they ever do that TV show. George said he doesn't expect that to ever happen.
Howard said they should get Shatner in a room and quiz him on the books he's written. He said they can ask him if he knows who the people are in the books and see if he knows what he wrote.
Robin read a story about some guys who robbed a bank over the phone. They called ahead by 10 minutes and demanded the money without dye packs so the bank called the police and had them meet them there.
Howard said they had a Sharp Quatron TV to give away and he forgot to do that today. Howard asked Gary if they gave him the wrong plug because it said ''Quatro'' on the plug. Gary said they have to give it away tomorrow then.
Robin read more about the idiotic bank robbers who called ahead. The cops arrested them when they went to collect from the bank.
Robin read a story about menthol cigarettes and how they have found that a lot of African Americans like the menthol. Howard said he smoked Newports and Kool's for a while. Robin said she smoked Benson and Hedges. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the old days doing that stuff.
Robin read a story about a man who was almost run down by his fiancee in a parking lot. The woman was driving without a license and she hit her fiancee while she was looking for her cell phone.
Howard read about some of the other meals they had in the vending machines there. He said they have salmon in there. He said that can't be good. He said they have lobster ravioli too. He said that can't be good either.
Robin read a story about a guy who shot his dog after an argument with his wife. Robin said the guy took out his anger on the dog.
Howard got the note that JD had sent to him about the gay twins. He had the picture of them too so he showed that to George. JD said he sent the link to George too. Howard said they had a picture of them sticking their dicks in someone's ass. George had to get his reading glasses out to get a better look. George said they looked hot. He said that it was kind of odd that twins would do that but part of the excitement is seeing someone different than you. George was checking out the pictures saying that they were very hung. He described the pictures and JD said that he should do the commentary for those DVDs.
Howard said that Barbara Walters said yesterday that she regretted asking Ricky Martin if he was gay in an older interview. He played the tape of that interview and Barbara was kind of berating him to talk about it. Ricky was very evasive with his answers though. Barbara told him he could stop the rumors if he wanted. Barbara said she didn't want to put him on the spot but that's exactly what she was doing.
George said he doesn't believe in outing anyone but she didn't have to subject him to that. He said she should apologize.
Robin read some news about Jesse James getting pulled over on his way to a sex rehab facility. She said that they have said now that he's in the rehab center now. That led to Howard talking about all of this stuff that is coming up with Jesse and how it's rumored that he has Nazi memorabilia and things like that. Howard said you think it can't get any worse and then he opens the tabloids and they say that he was involved with dog fighting. Howard said that they say that Sandra came home one day and their dog was missing a leg or something.
Gary said that they say that they had a show from about 10 years ago where Jesse talked about liking dog fighting. He said that Sandra must be finding out slowly about what a monster she was married to. Howard asked if Sandra could be that oblivious to what he was up to. Howard said it even slipped out during the interview he did with Jesse a year ago when Jesse said he was being the stereotypical Jew. He said that stuff had to have come out during his time with Sandra.
Gary said in The Star they say that Sandra ran out of the house and picked up his laptop accidentally and found all of this stuff. They claim that she fainted when she found it. Howard said that's funny. Howard said this would be like him finding out that his wife was part of the PLO or that she's a cannibal. Howard said that Jesse had to have slipped with the anti-Semitic stuff at some point. Gary read more about how Sandra found out about this stuff that Jesse had and how she had fainted when she found it all.
Robin read some more about Jesse James going into rehab. Howard said that he's got a lot to go to rehab for if all of this stuff is true. Howard said that dog fighting is really fucked up and if he was really into that then he should get therapy for that first. Howard said Jesse has a lot of 'splainin to do.
Howard did a live commercial and then had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about a 21 year old man who jumped off the Empire State Building observation deck. Robin said that he landed on a sidewalk near a bank on west 43rd street. Robin said that more than 30 people have leapt to their death from the building over the past 30 years. Robin said they say it sounded like an explosion when he hit the ground. Howard said that if you're going to kill yourself you don't risk hitting anyone else. Robin said they say that one guy jumped off dressed as a pirate. Howard said he would dress as a Star Trek character. Howard said he would dress as Captain Sulu.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked George if he's upset that Howard went to dinner with William Shatner and he hasn't taken George out. George said he wasn't upset about that. Howard said that he and George have a closeness at work. He said that Shatner took him out to dinner that night so George doesn't have to do that. Howard said he loves George and he doesn't have to go to dinner with him. George said he would probably enjoy it but he doesn't feel he has to go out with him. Howard joked that he went to dinner with Uhura and Nurse Chapel too. He said that he went out with the entire cast except for George.
Robin read a story about how there will be a no smoking order for a hospital and they will be doing nicotine tests on the people who work there.
Robin read about the health care bill that was signed into law by President Obama and how people are upset about how much it's going to cost. Most people are saying they don't want it. Howard still thinks that it's a good thing. George said that once people find out what it's about and how it will work they may change their minds.
Robin read a story about a 16 year old who sold her 7 year old sister to men and boys for sex. Robin read that the 16 year old did the same for herself as well at this party.
Robin read about Barbra Streissand coming out with a new book this fall. The book is about her design inspiration. Howard said he must get that book.
Robin read about Celine Dion going on the Oprah Winfrey show to talk about her miscarriage and other things.
Robin read about 84 year old Barbara Bush getting out of the hospital. Howard said he didn't even know she was still alive. Robin said she thought that she was 84 when President Bush was in the White House.
Robin read some news about Haiti and how they're trying to get money to rebuild after the earthquake.
Robin read some Tiger Woods news. She said that he'll be playing again soon.
Howard read some email feedback about the Pete Rose interview. Howard said that the fans seemed to like the interview. Robin said they had some interesting discussions about him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said that he thinks that Pete should be in the hall of fame. They spent a short time on that subject.
Howard read some of the Pete Rose interview email. He also had some George Takei feedback and they love his honesty and that laugh of his. Howard read one email where they said that Ricky Martin came out as gay and he was wearing a scarf just like Howard.
Howard read a correction for Robin and Lisa G who kept saying that you ''win'' the Medal of Honor but it is earned, not won.
Howard read some feedback about Scott the Engineer and his pretzel taking. Howard said he agrees that it's good that they offer them that stuff but you don't have to haul in bags of it for yourself. Howard said he was just telling Scott not to be a shnurer.
Robin read some news about food and what they're saying is healthy to eat. Howard said you just have to watch your portions. He said that people eat too much. Robin said they say that you shouldn't eat after 8 o'clock at night. Howard said that's bull too. He said you can eat at any time.
Robin had some other stuff in that article about what is good for you and what isn't true about working out and things like that.
Robin read about how they're trying to sell ad time on ''Lost'' like they do for the Super Bowl. Howard said he doesn't care because he's not watching. He said they've been yanking them around since the beginning and they're never going to answer anything. Robin said they're asking for $900,000 for a 30 second ad.
Robin read about Martha Stewart wanting to start her own cable network. She's in talks about doing what Oprah is going to do. Howard said he wants to be thrown into that mix too. He said they could have all Howard news all the time.
Robin read about Shannen Doherty getting voted off of Dancing with the Stars last night. She had some audio of her talking about that. Shannen was saying that dancing isn't her thing and she did this for her dad. Robin read about how Pamela Anderson got a lot of votes to be voted off. Robin said that the Beach Boys performed on the show too. She had some audio of that. John Stamos was playing drums. Howard said that's some gig he's got. He said it has to be a blessing to have the looks and the talent like that. Robin had some audio of Buzz Aldrin talking about why he thinks he was kept on the show. Robin said that they wrote that John was playing guitar for the Beach Boys. Howard said he plays the drums, not guitar.
Howard said he thinks that John is so good looking that there aren't many women who wouldn't have sex with him. He said he doesn't even have to lift a finger to get women to be with him. Howard said John was asking him who he should have sex with on the show. Howard said they talked about that on the phone. Howard said he can't imagine being that handsome that you don't have to work to get laid.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn was saying that John actually did play guitar on the show. Gary said he did both. Howard sounded surprised by that.
Robin had some audio clips from last night's American Idol. They went through that and discussed the show for a short time.
Robin read about how she's putting her daughter in a movie and starting a clothing line with her. Robin said it seems like they're launching her into a career. Robin said Tom Cruise is doing the same with his daughter and pushing her into some kind of career. Howard said a lot of celebrities name their kids with weird names because they want them to be different so they can have some kind of career. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 11:05am.
Jon moved on to talk about Janice Dickinson. He asked Gary how he thought she looked. Gary said he thought she did great in the interview. He wouldn't say she looked good but he said that she's getting up there in years and she has had some work done. Gary said that Joan Rivers used to tell him that his wife should get her tummy tuck as soon as she had her baby.
Gary said he loves the way that Janice doesn't think that she's wacky. He said that she's awesome on the show though. Gary said he doesn't think that she believes she's really out there. Will came in and said that he thought she did really well today. He said that she was talking about how she ''acts'' a lot in those shows she does but she's not sure that's true.
Gary said he learned that you never screw over someone who becomes famous because they'll go on the air and talk about the size of your dick. He said it's great that she does that about Mick Jagger. Benjy said he didn't buy that story. He said he thinks that she was being kind of mean. Gary said the guy is pretty short so he wouldn't be surprised. Will said he assumes that he might have a big one based on that.
The guys talked about some of the other stories Janice told and brought up the Rob Lowe story. Will said it's a weird thing with her because she was banging all of these dudes and then she went away for like 10-15 years. She must have had a moment when she decided to get back into the limelight.
Jon mentioned how shocked Janice was when Howard said he could never bang thousands of chicks. Gary said that she's a super fan of the show but maybe she hasn't heard the show lately. He said that she may have been under the impression that Howard was banging every chick that came in there. Jon asked Benjy if he was shocked by that reaction. Benjy said that it's not like they all get together and go to strip clubs. He said it's a place of business.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard asked Janice about dating Mick Jagger. After that Jon took a call from a guy who asked how she looked and if Howard dumped out of the interview at all or was Janice just going from subject to subject. The guys said that she did look good and she might have a touch of ADD or something because she does hop from subject to subject.
The guys were talking about how good Janice's body looked and that led to them talking about how George may have liked that but he probably liked the gay twins better.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he likes Will on the Wrap Up Show but he seems to have gotten even more animated lately. He said he seems to be doing better with that but he also thinks that they're nuts about Janice's looks. He said that she looks like she could be Buzz Aldrin's wife in 10 years and she's disturbing to look at. The guy said that Buzz's wife looks like Joan Rivers as a Picasso painting.
Jon asked if JD is doing okay after sending that gay twins email to Howard. Gary said he saw that link too and he figured it was gay men but he clicked through to make sure. He said he closed the window immediately. He may have even closed the whole browser.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Janice is as crazy as she seems to be on TV. Gary said that when he talks to her she's pretty much the same person on the radio show and off the air. The caller said she doesn't seem to be all there sometimes. Gary said she just says what's on her mind.
The caller asked if Janice was on anything there. Gary said he's not sure. He said they don't do drug testing there so he's not sure.
Another caller said that Gary seems like a nice guy but he has a problem with the tone they have about being against black guys. He said that they seem to think it's negative that their women like black guys and they have this hatred toward blacks. Gary said that he has to disagree because it never comes off as a hatred. The caller said Howard is the one who says he's not racist but he's constantly asking if women date black guys. Gary said that's not a hatred, it's a fascination. The caller said there was a time when Gary alluded to the fact that Howard's daughter dated a black guy and Howard came in and announced that she never had. Gary said that's not what happened. Gary said that he was asked if he thinks that Howard would mind it and he said he didn't think he would and Howard went off on him on the air for speaking for him. Gary and the caller went back and forth arguing about that.
Benjy said he thinks that people might be racist but even if you're not there is a lot of racism in society. He said that when there is interracial dating going on you might ask about that because it's interesting.
Gary asked the caller if his friend showed up with a white chick on a date, would he talk to his friends about it? The guy said that black men don't think like white guys do. He said that they look at the whole package and not just the color of their skin. Gary said that's not true either because there are black guys who say they would never date a white woman because it pisses off the sisters.
The caller said that in general that's not the case. Will said that the caller is just speaking for himself though. That's not ''in general.'' Gary said that Howard asks every woman if they've had a lesbian experience too. He asked the caller if that means he doesn't like Lesbians. The caller said that Howard claims he doesn't see color but he's so interested in when a white woman is with a black man. Jon said that he's interested in it all, that's what they're trying to tell him.
Gary said that the guy should be asking why Howard is so interested and not ''why does he hate it?'' The caller said there seems to be a general disgust when a white woman is with a black man. Gary said he's probably right but he's not hearing it there. Jon ended the call after that and said he had to take a break.
Gary said that Richard always gives huge warnings to everyone when he sends out links to stuff like that. JD said that Howard had to have gone to the web site and clicked on something else. Gary said that's true because he just got the box cover.
JD said he might be immune to that stuff. He said he's pulled audio from gay porn before so he's immune to it. He forgot where he was going with his thoughts there for a second. JD said that he does get nauseous at times when he's watching it. JD got sidetracked again when Will was making faces at him.
Jon asked JD if he was flattered when Howard said that he was like the son he never had. JD said it's fine, he's honored.
Jon asked JD about the latest Ashley Dupre developments. JD said he got email after email yesterday when the picture came out of her with the football player. JD said he's fine and they can stop sending the picture. JD said that she took a picture with the guy and that's it. He said if they're out dating then whatever. JD said he won't be putting his foot down. Whatever.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks it's great when Richard gets put in these positions to do things on the show to meet his favorite bands and stuff. He said that they should book Coheed and Cambria for the show. Gary said he really doesn't know them that well. He asked what channel they'd play them on there at SIRIUS. The caller said they'd probably be on Octane.
Jon asked if he thinks that they thought it was odd when Robin was dating Jim Florentine. The caller said it's not what they make it out to be as far as being that taboo. He was saying that it might be even more integrated out in Seattle than it is there in New York. Gary said that can't be true. He said that no one in New York City is looking around at couples if they're an interracial couple.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the whole thing with Scott yesterday is something that's getting very old. The guy said that Howard is taking it too far and he's sounding old. Gary said that Howard has been doing that kind of thing for 30 years. The caller said Howard is very petty when it comes to that stuff. He said that Howard has so many things he could talk about and he comes across badly.
The caller said that Howard made a comment about Artie yesterday too. Gary didn't know what he was talking about. He asked what it was that Howard said. The caller said that he was joking about him quitting over the vending machine. He said that came across as him cutting down Artie. He also doesn't like that Robin and Fred don't want Jackie to come back on the show. He was saying that they're being too uppity about Jackie coming bacon the show.
Gary said he doesn't understand that caller. He said just because he liked a certain thing on the show doesn't mean it's good for them.
Ralph called in and said that last caller was fascinating and he must be listening on a whole other level. He said he sounded tortured over the whole thing.
Ralph said he kind of agreed with the black caller about Howard asking about the black sex stuff. He said that Carol Leifer said something odd about having sex with a black guy and she said that she had done some ''freaky'' things but never had sex with a black guy. Gary said she may have been trying to make a joke. Ralph said if Sal said that he would have been crucified.
Benjy said that he thinks gay sex is gross but does that make him anti-homosexual. Ralph said it probably does. Gary said that Ralph isn't watching gay sex either though. Gary said that many people have prejudices and Ralph has made some pretty crazy comments about that kind of thing.
Ralph also complains about fat people. Ralph said he had one of those yesterday on the bus. He said that this woman was fat and black. Gary asked why he had to mention that she was black. Ralph said he was just giving details so he could paint the picture.
Jon asked Ralph why he can't find Howard a hat. Ralph said that he just can't find the right size. Ralph said he has a big head with that hair so it's tough to fit. He doesn't want him looking like Slash with the hair sticking out. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show introducing George Takei. George said this was his last morning of the week with the show. Howard said they love it when he's there.
Howard said he was looking over what they had to do this morning. He said they actually don't have to do anything. He said they're supposed to have nice weather there this weekend. He said he welcomes that since the weather has been awful lately. George said they had a nice hunk of sunshine yesterday.
Robin asked George what it's like getting up this early. George said it's really hard. Howard said he comes in and complains to Toni when he's getting his hair done. Howard said he's sick of this and he's done in 8 months.
George asked how long it takes to get his hair done. Howard said it takes about 10 minutes. He said it's all frizzy and Toni has to deal with that for him. George asked if he's losing his hair. Howard said he's not. He said his father was bald when he was in his 30s. He said your hair is based on your mother's father and his grandfather had a full head of hair. Howard said he's 56 and not losing his hair so he thinks he has a good shot at keeping it.
George said he's balding but his father was bald by the time he was in his 50s. George said he had hair plugs done. Howard was surprised. He said he never knew that. George said the guy did a good job then. He said he's not going to keep doing that though. Howard asked if there are dents in his head. George said they don't actually show. They were put in the front only. He said that he's losing hair in front though. George said he had that done in the mid-80s and they've hung in this long.
Howard told George to maybe give it one more shot. George said he'd rather look his age and not do it again. Howard said that's a vanity thing so maybe he should keep the hair. George said he has thought of going the way William Shatner did and getting a piece. Howard said Shatner's looks pretty realistic. George said it does and now he's letting himself bald a little bit.
George said he's not sure why Bill wore the piece when they did the show. He said he would wear one to fill in the hair. He said as time went on his hair filled in even more. He said he saw that and how ridiculous it looked and decided not to go that way. Howard said he's glad he didn't lose his hair. He said he needs that to frame his face.
Robin said that hair loss can come from the mother or the father's side. She was reading some article or something about that. George said his father was totally bald so it must be from his mother's side. Howard said his is definitely from his mother's side too.
Howard asked George about his hair plugs and if it was painful to get done. George said he doesn't remember it being all that painful. they take plugs from the back and put them in the front. He said he was able to comb over the hair he had to cover up the plugs while they healed. George said there was a time when he let his hair grow down to his shoulders.
Howard asked George if he had ever done any other plastic surgery. George said he doesn't believe in that so he hasn't had any work done. That led to them talking about how some Asian people get their eyes done to look more Caucasian.
Howard said he told her Rachel does a great job on that show. He said Jon does great too. The caller said that they really do a great job together.
The caller asked if he could get that TV he had to give away. Howard said he could do that. The caller said it was his birthday today. Howard said Richard's birthday is today too. Howard said he was going to do a couple of stunts today but he backed out of all of them. He said they did some stunts over the years for April Fools and one year they had a morning crew replace them in the morning. Howard said it worked and people were pissed.
Howard said they were going to have Ralph come in and say he was going to replace Artie. Howard said he would have Ralph just say something once in a while and he'd give him a phony laugh. Robin said that was done already though and they said he was going to have a line open through the whole show.
Howard said he had an idea to get David Lee Roth to do the first hour of the show. He said David wasn't available to do it though. Howard said he blew the joke now but no one would have fallen for that. He said that it wouldn't have made much sense to have him replace them though. He said that everyone would have seen through that.
Howard said he had some other ideas too. Gary asked about the one idea they had for him and Beth. Howard said he was going to have Beth call in or come in and say that she wanted to announce that she was pregnant. Howard figured Robin would have said she was right all along. Robin said she wouldn't have fallen for that. Howard said she would and she loves being right.
Howard said Robin loves to say she's right and she does that during the Gossip Game and things like that. Robin said she doesn't love being right. Howard said she's arguing with him about that and she's trying to say she's right. Howard said he should have done that joke. Howard said he figured it was best not to have Beth even pretending that was true.
Howard said he thought about the chain reaction that would happen and how his kids, his parents and Beth's parents would all hear about that. Howard said he can imagine his mother calling and asking why he did that.
Howard gave the guy the second one and said they asked ''Nice guys finish ____.'' The caller said that Beet would not know that one. Beet didn't know the answer. He said ''Nice guys stay finished.''
Howard gave the guy the third phrase which was ''The Wizard of ____.'' The caller said he would not know it. Beet said it was ''The Wizard of Oz'' but it sounded like ''Arz.''
Howard gave the caller the next phrase which was ''It's a bird, it's a plane, it's _____.'' The caller said that Beet would not know it. Beetlejuice said ''You mean it's the birds and the fuckin' bees.''
The final phrase was ''Gone with the _____.'' The caller said no way Beet would know that one. Beet got it right and the caller lost. Howard said that sucks. Howard said he had to check the rule book one more time. He said that maybe he couldn't give him the TV but he could give him something else. He said he found a rule that says he can give him a bonus question. Howard said that's because it's his birthday.
Howard gave the caller the bonus phrase which was ''Be all you can be in the _____.'' The caller said that there's no way Beetlejuice would know it. Howard played the answer and Beet said ''Skeetle mother fucker.'' The caller won the TV. Howard said he's lucky he found that loop hole in the rules. Howard told the guy he won the TV and put him on hold.
Howard played some more phrases after that. The next one was ''Take me out to the ____.'' George knew that one but he didn't know the ball game one. Beet said it was ''take me out to the baseball game shit.'' Howard had ''You Snooze, you ____.'' George didn't know that one either. Howard was surprised by that. Beet thought it was ''sneezing.''
Howard said ''Go ahead, make my ____.'' Howard played that one and Beet knew it was ''day.'' That led to them talking about Beet and if he can vote or not. Howard said he figured he could vote if he wanted to. He said that Bush was elected twice so it must have been a lot of retards voting. Benjy said that he was reading up on it and he thinks that in some states you can't vote if you're retarded.
Howard figured that retarded people could vote. Robin said that they can vote from what she read. She said that they can marry and drive too. Howard said they can have kids too. Robin said it depends on how disabled they are.
Howard said that playing a retarded person is the easiest thing in the world. He said he could play a retarded person himself. He said he's as close to retarded as it comes.
George brought up the Rain Man movie and said that character wasn't a retarded person but a savant. Howard corrected him on his pronunciation of that word. George said he has once again learned from this show how to say a word. George was saying that he thought Tom Cruise was very good in his part in that movie.
Howard said he could play a retard and did some of his retarded voice. Robin asked about the movie ''My Left Foot'' and Daniel Day Lewis' performance. Howard said he could do that too. He said he's worked with CP kids and he knows how to do that. Howard showed George how he could do that. He curled up in a ball to show George.
Howard was doing more of the retarded voice and telling stories as the retarded person. George was interviewing him as if he were retarded. Howard was saying he wanted to put something in his butt to get pregnant. Howard said George could be in the movie with him.
Howard was making up a story about how a retarded person could adopt a baby and that's when the penis in the butt thing came up. Howard said he might have to shoot this for Howard TV. George told Howard he could fuck him in the rear to give him a Eurasian baby. Howard said George is going to be up on charges after doing this scene.
Howard said when actors play the retard they think they're going to win an Oscar. George asked when anyone has won for that. Fred said that Tom Hanks won for Forrest Gump. George said he's going to be doing a movie with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts this summer. He said that the movie is a comedy about unemployment in this country.
Gary said that Sean Penn played that retard in ''I Am Sam.'' He said that Juliette Lewis played one too. that led to Howard doing more of the retarded thing. Gary said all she did was yell as that character.
George wondered if they were going to get into trouble for this discussion. Howard said they probably will. That didn't stop him.
Robin wondered if there are gay retards. Howard said there probably are. Howard said that Gary the Retard is very hetero and he's always into the women. Gary mentioned Mark the Bagger and wondered if he's retarded. Howard said he might just be ''slow.'' He said he seems brighter than Gary but not much. Howard said he also doesn't want to be gay. He said some trucker took advantage of Mark.
The caller said that he was in a strip club trying to get this chick's number and after she went to do a dance Andy Dick was being escorted out of the club. He said that was just one hour ago in Canoga Park, California.
Howard said this is weird. He said he hadn't heard from Andy in a long time and he was checking his messages this morning and Andy had called. Howard said Andy left him a weird message and said something about how he hadn't heard from them lately and he wondered what was going on. Howard said he loves Andy and he'd have him on the show anytime. Howard said Andy actually had a show on his channel. Howard said Andy should just call them and ask to come in. He said that's how they book the show.
The caller said that Howard has the exclusive about Andy being thrown out of the club. He said that the stripper came up to him and told him that she was dancing for Andy and Andy didn't want to pay for his lap dances. The caller said that Andy grabbed her when she was walking away so they threw him out of the club.
Robin said that Andy seems to be heterosexual when he's sober and not hetero when he's drunk. Howard said Andy is always welcome to come on the show. He said he loves the guy.
Howard said Andy sounded good in the message he left. He said he doesn't know him all that well but he did give him his home phone number. Howard said Andy had to get in touch with him about something one time and he didn't care about giving it to him. He said he was happy to talk to the guy.
Howard said he feels bad for Andy about his drinking but he feels he's a really talented guy. He said he had some funny shows on MTV and stuff.
George said that Andy was a very strange person when he met him. He said he was going around licking people. He said he saw him peeing against a wall in the studio they were working in. He said that's really strange. Howard said he's heard similar stories about him.
Howard asked if he was afraid that he would be outed back then. George said this was pre-Star Trek so he wasn't worried. He said it was in the early 60s. Howard said Lenny must have been all heroined up at the time. George said he wasn't very entertaining.
Howard asked George about the anal and if he had any mud on the turtle. George laughed. Fred played some gay porn movie clip while they were talking about that. Howard asked if he ever saw that guy again. George said it was just the one time. He said he had lost touch with the guy but he still thinks about that night sometimes.
Howard asked if he went in bare back. George said that back then they didn't know so of course they did. Howard asked if he got mud on the turtle. George said he did. Then he realized that he wasn't going to answer that question but he just did. Howard asked if he was embarrassed that he had doody on him. George said that he did point it out but he had to go and wash it off. Robin gave him an ''eww'' when she heard that.
George said he doesn't realize how this is being heard by millions of people. He said that they're very relaxed in that atmosphere. George said he wouldn't even tell Brad that kind of thing.
George said he did ask Brad about being with a woman and he has never been with one. He has kissed a woman but that was as far as it went. George said he was very popular in high school too.
Howard said he hears tapes of Lenny Bruce but the stuff he heard was kind of unfunny. He said that he never got to see him live since he was too young.
Howard said it sounds like George had a fun time with that date. George talked more about it and how the guy lived up on Knob Hill. Howard said that all George wanted to do was get out of the Lenny Bruce show to get laid. George said they were within walking distance. Howard said he's surprised that they bothered with the date. George said the guy was into Lenny Bruce so he just went along with it.
Robin asked George if he has ever been with an Asian guy. George said he had. He had also been with a black man but never with an Indian man. George said he was with one guy who had been with an Indian guy so he had the six degrees of separation.
Howard asked if the black man had a big penis. George said that he did. He said that he prefers the bigger penis. He said that there are some truths in stereotypes and he searches for the truth.
Howard asked George if he ever had the black man in his ass. George said he has and it can be uncomfortable. Howard and Robin were throwing questions at George and he said that it's not the George Takei Show, it's the Howard Stern Show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his day was ruined hearing about George Takei with shit on his dick. Howard said he had to take a break so he had George do a quick announce for them. George did that one quickly as they were going to commercial.
Howard came back and said they had their meeting on Tuesday and this kid sent in a book that he had written and printed himself. It was called ''From a White to a Negro in 2010.'' The premise of the book was to talk about what he had seen between the races.
Howard got the kid, Chris Yingling, on the phone and said that the word ''negro'' isn't exactly the best word to use. Chris said he wanted to get people's attention so that's the word he used. Howard said the back of the book says that he's trying to get black people's attention so he can help them out. Howard asked what was up with his phone connection because it was really muffled. Chris took off his Bluetooth thing and it cleared it right up.
Howard asked Chris how old he was. He said he's 30. Howard asked him where he came up with the idea for the book. Howard said the guy sent out the book to like 60 media outlets and they're the only ones who called him back. Chris said that it's only been a week and a half. Howard said he guarantees that they're the only ones who will call him.
Howard read some quotes from his book where he talks about the ''negros'' and what they do wrong. He pointed out that they can't help themselves from robbing and looting and that was proved by what happened in Haiti.
Howard said Chris wrote that most negros appear to be sweaty. Howard asked where that comes from. the guy said he's seen it in many movies and TV shows that they're always sweating. Howard said maybe they're exerting themselves. Howard said that's an odd thought.
Howard said that Chris wrote that negros aren't thought of as being the hardest workers. Howard asked what that was about. Chris didn't really have an answer ready for him. He said that he worked at Trump Tower for a while and for the most part you don't hear people saying that the black people are working hard.
Howard read a quote from Chris where he asked why negros don't take more birth control. He also said that only a negro would put explosives in his underpants to blow up a plane. He also says that they hate the police but they call them all the time to get help.
Howard read something about how the saggy pants thing came from homeless people who didn't have belts. Howard asked Chris if he's afraid that he's going to be perceived as a racist. Chris said that could happen. George asked if he has thought about the consequences of that. Chris said he knows that could happen.
Howard read that Chris wrote about how negros like fat white chicks. Howard said that not every black guy is like that. Robin said that these are just his studies. Howard said he has to bow to the expert then.
Howard read where Chris wrote that he's never been to a movie where the negros didn't ruin it. Chris said that's true. He said he looks to see who it is ruining the movie by talking.
Howard read quote after quote where Chris used the word ''negro'' and said they ruined something or did something wrong. George said that this has to be an April Fools joke. Howard said it's not. George told the guy he's got to be a joke.
Howard read more of this guy's quotes and said that in the front of the book he says that these facts don't apply to 20 percent of the negros. George asked how much he paid to have this published. He said it was about 300 bucks. Howard asked if they had a problem with the content of the book. Chris said they didn't. Robin asked if it was KKK books. Chris said it was actually Create Space.
Howard said Chris had some bad grammar in the book. He used your and you're wrong. Howard read some more quotes and said that at the end of the book he claims he's not racist. He said he was trying to make black people more civil. Howard read some more quotes where he was complaining about black people letting their kids run around in restaurants and stuff.
George asked the guy what he does for a living. He works in construction. Chris said he's laid off right now because of the economy. He said the company he was working for dropped 70 percent of their employees.
Howard read some more quotes from this guy where he talked about Kanye West and how the way he acted at the MTV awards shows how negros are perceived.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy is a fuckin' faggot and a fuckin' loser. He said he would beat the shit out of him. He said he must live in his mother's house. The guy was saying ''fuck'' a lot. Howard asked the guy if he was a black guy. The caller said he wasn't but he loves black women. Chris said he would put him down as a no for buying the book. Howard asked if Chris lives at home like the caller said. Chris said he does not.
Cyrus called in and said that this guy is stereotyping him and he's really pissing him off. He said he bets he doesn't have the balls to say any of this stuff to a black man's face. Howard read a quote about how some of the worst areas in the country have a black man as the mayor. Cyrus said the mayor of his city is an asshole and a minority so he might have to agree with him on that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to strangle this guy. Another caller was pretending to be Jesse James and said he was interested in buying the book. Howard took another call from a guy who said that this can't be real. Howard said it's very real.
Howard said he wasn't going to have him on the show because the book was so ridiculous. He said that he figured that they'd see what it was all about. He asked Chris if he's for real with this book or is it a goof. Chris said he doesn't feel that way about this stuff. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Gary said he thinks that Chris feels these are the facts and that's not just the way he feels. Gary said that Chris said that it's not the way he feels but it is the way he feels.
Howard read some more ''negro'' quotes from Chris and then said that he claims that he's not a racist. He found that kind of funny. Chris is selling the book for 13.95 and you can get it from Amazon.com or from ShareSpace.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with this guy and he's not racist. He said that he's just a realist. He said Chris is just observing stuff and he wrote about what he observed. Howard said that it is racist though. The caller said it's not.
Howard said that this caller will probably buy a copy. The caller said he would buy a few copies. The guy said that blacks are a bunch of pussies when they're alone but they're only brave when they're in a group. Howard asked Chris if he believes that. Chris agreed with that observation.
Howard said that they're talking to Chris who is an expert on black people. Chris said he never said he was an expert. The other caller said he was on the train one time and he was told to ride in the third car because that's where the guy opens the doors from. He said that no one was on the train but then four black guys got on and they surrounded this guy who was sleeping and he got carried off the train as they beat him with a brick. The guy said they were having a tug of war with the guy. He said they eventually won and the train took of. He said he told the conductor what happened and the guy who walked out was a big black guy who said he wasn't going to do shit to help that guy. Howard said that sounds like a book to follow up Chris' book.
Another caller asked Chris if he will have any book signings in the future. Chris said he didn't know. Chris said he doesn't have the outsourcing to do that kind of thing. He said you can only buy the book online right now. The caller asked if he'll have an audio book. Chris said if he gets the volume up then maybe he will.
Howard let Chris go and thanked him for calling in. Howard had him give out the web site again. Chris told him to just go and get it for the Kindle.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked where Chris gets his numbers from like the 20 percent. The caller said it was Pareto's law. The woman didn't know what that was. The caller said that it was when 20 percent of the people represent 80 percent of the other. No one had a clue what the guy was talking about.
Another caller said that he was inspired to write a book called ''80 Percent of White People with Negro In the title of their book are racist pigs.'' Chris asked if there was another author out there. Howard just let him go after that.
Howard read that all of this stuff is on like one page. He said he has almost read the entire book on the air. He took a call from Yucko the Clown who said this guy is his idol.
Howard played some more of the clip but the chick was very annoying. Howard said that might be part of the whole fantasy. He played more of her telling the guy to bounce the ass on her tongue and she wasn't quiet for one second. Howard said he can't imagine any woman begging him for his ass. He said he can't imagine what the smell must be like back there. He said he has a faint odor even after half a day after a shower. Howard said it is kind of a turn on though.
Robin said she did find this ''Pareto'' theory that Chris was talking about earlier. She said he had it all wrong. Howard said he didn't know the difference between your and you're so he's not surprised. Howard had George do an announce and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked Lisa G to come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and said that they spoke to Al Bernstein about what Howard said about him the other day. Lisa said that Al said that Howard actually did meet him at WRNW when he was working there. He said that Howard was wearing Penny Loafers and a suede jacket. Howard said he never wore anything like that. Howard said he never wore penny loafers. He said that he never wore a suit jacket to work either. Lisa said he also told her that Al said they spoke at WNBC when Howard was working there too. Howard said that's possible but he doesn't remember that.
Howard wondered if anyone even knows what Lisa is talking about with this story. Howard didn't want to explain it again.
Lisa said that Scott the Engineer had some procedures done where he had things shoved down his throat and up his butt. She said they found a polyp in his butt so Scott is glad he went.
Lisa said that Robin is on her diet and she's only drinking juice for a few days. Howard said he was reading Robin's Facebook page and she's writing about her in the third person. He said she has to stop that. Howard said they start out the sentence that way but you stop it after the first sentence. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard talked about how Ralph Macchio couldn't kick anyone's ass in that movie. He said the movie was great but there was no way that kid could take anyone down. Gary said they actually remade that movie but it's not out yet. Howard said that movie was like a super hero movie because a skinny kid like that wants to be able to beat someone up like he did.
Howard said that Jake Busey was at this event too. He said he doesn't get why it's Monster Mania if it's not just about monsters. Gary said it used to be for horror movies but now they let just about anyone in. He said even Gilligan could have gone if he was still around. George said that Adam West would come to Star Trek conventions. They let anyone into those things.
Howard played the clip of Wolfie asking Jake Busey about Howard being the host on American Idol and things like that. Jake was talking about how he doesn't think that's Howard's deal. He said that Howard is abrasive but very entertaining. Wolfie asked if he thinks his father needs to be fitted with a straight jacket. Jake said his father is just a funny mother fucker.
Howard said that Wolfie got an interview with Malcolm McDowell. He said he digs that guy. He did some cool movies. Wolfie asked him ''Who are you and what do you do?'' Malcolm said he has done over 100 movies. Howard said he's in Underworld: Evolution. He said maybe it wasn't him. He said he watched that movie for a second time last night. Howard said it was really good and he loves it. He said the movie is perfect with Kate Beckinsale and vampires in it. He spent a minute talking about that movie and Gary told him that it wasn't Malcolm in that movie. Howard said he thought it was.
Howard played more of the Wolfie interview with Malcolm McDowell. Wolfie asked Malcolm where he was when he heard the news of the death of Corey Haim. He also asked about Tiger Woods and Malcolm said he doesn't give a monkey's fart about it. Wolfie asked him about Charlie Sheen getting a free pass for what he does. Malcolm said that he gets a pass because he's on the hottest TV show.
Howard said that Wolfie got an interview with Eric Roberts. Wolfie asked him the Charlie Sheen question. Eric said he's a groovy cat so that's why he gets a pass. Wolfie asked him if he thinks that Ellen is a good judge on Idol. Eric laughed and said he doesn't care. Eric said that Howard would be incredible as a judge on that show. Wolfie asked about Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien but Eric didn't have an opinion. Wolfie asked some more questioned and asked how much it would cost to get him in a dunk tank for his kid's birthday party. Eric said it depends on how cool the kid is. He asked him to describe Howard in one word and Eric said ''Tall.''
Robin wondered why Eric Roberts was at the Monster Mania thing. Howard said maybe it's because his life is a horror. Howard said he likes that guy.
Howard said Wolfie got an interview with a fan. Wolfie asked who he was dressed as. He was dressed as Disco Dorrie. Howard had no idea who that was. Robin said the guy said it was a scary version of Avatar. Wolfie asked him some questions about vampires shows and movies and things like that. He asked what his chances are of getting laid. He said he had a 100 percent chance. He also admitted he lives at home and he's not going anywhere anytime soon. Howard said that guy sounded a little effeminate to him. Robin said he may have just been a little nerdy.
Howard was goofing on the kids who show up to those things saying that he'd be very disappointed in his kid if they were into that. George asked him not to bad mouth them because they are his livelihood.
Howard said he heard that Sal won't sit on the toilet so he ended up shitting on the toilet seat. Howard said he would be mortified. Sal came in and said that he never took a shit in there.
Gary said that he spoke to Jon for 4-5 minutes and he was in the bathroom for that whole time. Sal said he was ''violently'' washing his hands. Sal said he gets freaked out and he has to wash his hands. Howard said he should carry Purell with him. Sal said he does that.
Sal said he's always honest with Howard and he didn't take a shit in there. Sal said that maybe Gary did that and he's trying to blame him for it. Gary said he didn't go into the bathroom so it couldn't have been him.
Howard said that he loves that Sal is washing his hands in that bathroom. He said it's not the most clean place to wash your hands. Sal said that the soap in there might even have piss in it.
Howard asked if Sal admitted that he is dying his beard. Sal said he didn't really. He said he did apply a hair powder to it. He said that it's something you apply to your brush and it changes the color. Sal got off on a technicality. Howard said he knew he was coloring it. Sal did lie to him about that.
Howard said it's worse to lie about it. Sal said he isn't lying about the shitting either. Gary said he's pretty sure he is lying because it sounds like he lies about everything.
Howard said Sal picks his ass all day long. He said he takes his right hand and sticks it down his pants. Sal said he just rests it on the back of his pants. Gary said it goes in the pants. Gary said he knows that he puts it in the pants and he has to admit it. Sal said he doesn't do that. Gary said he sticks his hand down his pants. Sal said it just rests on the side, not in his ass.
Ronnie came in and said that Gary is right. He said Sal walks down the hall with his hand in his asshole. He said he has called Sal out on it a lot. He said Sal's hand is right in the ass crack. He said he doesn't wear any underwear either. He said Sal walks down the hall with his hand in his ass.
Ronnie said he has asked Sal why he has his hand in his ass many times. Gary came in and said that he has his hand in his pants and under the underwear. He said he might not be shoving it in his ass but it is hovering around his ass crack.
Howard said OCD doesn't make any sense and that's why he can do that but then he has to wash his hands violently. Sal showed the guys what he was wearing under his pants. He took out his penis and Ronnie thought he was hard.
Ronnie said he called Sal out on his beard coloring too. He said that Sal claimed that he didn't do anything but he does use this ''hair powder.'' Gary said Sal is weird because he claims he's not doing anything to color it but he does use it.
Howard asked Sal if he asked his wife what he asked him to. Sal said he did. Howard explained that they got a letter from Will the Farter who wanted to do something with them. He said Will needs to get on the show so they need to figure out something for him to do. Howard said he wanted to see him smoke a cigarette out of his ass so they asked Sal to ask his wife if she would do something for them. Sal said they were going to do a trivia contest and give Will money or have him fart in his face. Sal said that they could bring in a bunch of pocket books and she'd get a new one for every question he gets right. If he gets one wrong then Will would fart in her face.
Sal said he went home and asked his wife about that. Sal said he had great news for her. He told her about the purse thing and that they'd have a plethora of pocket books for her to win. Sal said he told her about the fart thing and she said she wouldn't do it. Sal said he can beat Will the Farter but she said she'd rather have her 5 year old answer instead.
Sal said that his wife was telling him about these purses she likes and his son said to him they sounded like countries. Sal said she likes bags that are like 10 grand. Howard said there are some that are a few thousand and he doesn't see what the big deal is. Robin said she's not into that kind of thing.
Sal said he thought about asking his mother if she'd do it but he doesn't want to take advantage of her kindness. He said she's really loving and she would do it for him. He said she'd play for casino money instead of purses. Sal said he told his wife he wasn't going to ask her so his wife asked why he asked her. Sal said that's because his mother made him and his wife destroyed him.
Howard asked Sal how old he is now. Sal said he's 40. Howard asked why he stays married if he's not getting laid. Sal said he doesn't get blow jobs and doesn't get laid for weeks at a time. Robin said it's hard for his wife to respect him with all of the stuff he does.
Howard said he gets why his wife is like that. He said that his wife liked him better when he was a stockbroker. Sal said he's paying the bills now too. Sal said he says stuff about his marriage on the show and people can't believe it really goes on. He said he has to be honest on the show though.
Robin asked if Howard thinks that Sal is faithful. Howard said there's no way he is. Sal said that's ridiculous. He said that he's trying to keep his family together and he's not going to do anything like that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loves Sal but his wife is a piece of shit. Sal said that she didn't have to say that. The woman said that she's a little older than 35 but she knows that Sal is a decent looking person and Sal's wife has these status issues and Sal needs to find someone who appreciates him. Howard said that Sal's wife is right to deny him sex at times with his behavior.
The caller said that she works very hard every day and she would never demand that a man please her with purses and stuff like that. Howard let Sal go after that but played him out with the new prank call they made to a pizzeria using the Autotune. Howard said that he has to thank Kidd Chris for that because he's using the Autotune to make prank calls now too.
Eric said that he thought they were taking off next week. Howard said they swapped that out for Robin's trip. Eric said that they'll be there with him instead of being on vacation with the nice weather finally coming.
Howard told Eric that they'll be there next week and for many weeks after. He said that they have like 96-100 new shows left before they're out of there.
Howard said they don't deal with exact numbers there. Benjy said he made up the estimate. He wasn't sure about the vacation days. Howard asked someone to figure it out and tell him how many shows he had left. Jason counted them up for him.
Gary said he loves how Eric is giving him advice when he's never worked a day in his life. Eric told Gary to do his job and book him on the show again. Gary told Eric to do any job. He said that he's never worked before. Eric said that Howard has subscribers paying to hear him every month and he's taking vacation every 3-5 weeks.
Gary said that they give Eric SIRIUS for free but Eric said that he's been paying for it ever since he ordered one on amazon.com. Gary said that he's the only wack packer who doesn't get it paid for. He said they will pay for it if he wants.
Gary said they fond that Howard has 119 shows left. Howard said that he's out after that.
Eric asked George if Heroes is coming back for another season. George said he doesn't know and said that the ratings weren't very good. Howard said he was a big fan but the show got really bad. He said that everyone had super powers and it was the same story over and over again. Howard said that you can't have the super heroes being so vulnerable. He said they should be getting chicks and stuff too.
George said that the show did start out very interesting. He said that they had some great stories in the beginning. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Howard said he heard they don't have a Ryan Seacrest on the show. He imagined him introducing the segment where they chop her head off for saying what she said.
Howard read some details about this show and they say that this woman was given high scores for her poem. He wondered if the judges would get beheaded for giving her high scores.
Robin said she was reading about a guy who may get beheaded for being a psychic. Howard said he believes that they should do that here in this country too. He said that they just take advantage of gullible people.
Howard read that Roger Daltry is losing his voice. Howard said they say that Roger isn't able to sing some of the Who's songs anymore. Howard said he probably just means he can't sing as well.
Howard had George do a quick announce for them as they were getting ready to go to break. George was talking about Benjy's sweat in that so Howard talked to him about that for a short time. That led to them talking to Benjy about how much food he eats. Howard said that George was telling Benjy during the break how he might be eating healthy food but he's eating too much. Benjy said that volume has nothing to do with calories. Howard said it looked like he had gained back all of his weight. Benjy said he hadn't. He blamed it on Tim Sabean because he had fallen off the wagon and he was his mentor. Howard went to break after going back and forth with Benjy on that for a couple of minutes.
Howard came back and said they were going to play the Gossip Game. Robin said that she wanted to savor every moment with George since this was his last day there. George told them hat everything he said about his sex life this morning was all a joke since it was April Fools day. Howard said that was some prank he pulled on them.
Howard congratulated their friend Pat Monahan for having his song ''Hey Soul Sister'' in the top 5 songs. Howard said he would do the rest of the top 5 since he was on that subject. He said that he knew a guy in the business who didn't think that Pat could write a hit song. He said the guy turned out to be wrong. He said that he was right because he knew that Pat could do it.
Howard said that Lady Gaga is at number 5. He played a little bit of her ''Telephone'' song and said he has no idea what she's talking about in this one. Number four was Lady Antebellum. Gary told Howard about that group but he got sidetracked trying to get Gary's volume higher. Gary said he didn't know how to raise it so he was just yelling instead.
Howard said that Train was at number 3 with their song ''Hey Soul Sister.'' Howard said he's happy for Pat because he's a really good guy. He said his daughter went to a concert the other night and got to meet Pat back stage. He said that her friend and her friend's dad all went to the concert. Howard said he was kind of like a hero because he got her back stage. Howard said he's a pretty cool dad that way. He said he's still a douche though. Howard said he thinks about setting the kids up but then they still think he's the douchy dad.
Howard said his dad knew a lot of famous people but it never did him any good. He did get to sit in and watch some of the recording sessions though. Howard said his dad would tell stories about the guys he got to work with and he'd yell at his mother and him when they'd ask about his day at work.
Howard did an impression of his dad talking about these people he worked with. Howard said his dad would come home and tell them about how Raymond Burr was gay. He said he didn't want to believe that was true but his father knew.
Howard said that his father worked with Vincent Gardenia but years later they interviewed Vincent and he didn't even remember working with him. Howard said his dad was a recording engineer so no one remembered that guy.
Pete kept going and he wasn't able to stop the impression. He kept saying ''Oh My'' over and over again. George said he thinks that he could do the Sharp Quattron commercial.
Howard said Pete is really creepy because he can't stop doing it. Howard told George they weren't kidding either. He said you can tell there's something wrong with him just looking at him. Howard asked Pete some questions as if he were George and Pete answered in the creepy, bad impression he was doing. Howard asked him about Brad and things like that. Pete was doing a weird accent that sounded kind of like a southern accent. Pete was telling Howard he loves everything about the gay community. Howard asked who he sounds like. Robin said he didn't sound like George. Howard and Fred said it was a cross between Maye West and someone else. Howard said he was kind of doing a Rodney Dangerfield kind of thing too.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that his journey has been interesting and he loves them dearly. He said he has been in a program and he and things are going good. Howard said he hadn't heard much from him lately. Dominic said that he made some changes in his life after the Artie thing and things have been good. He said he's cut out sugar and alcohol. He said he's been sober for 134 days. He said he's feeling good and looking good.
Howard asked Dominic what the program is that he's in. Dominic said he can't say what it is. Dominic said that he's trying to get his life in order and it's working out well for him. Howard said it was good to have him back. Dominic said that the only bad thing is that he's been asked not to go back in the water ever again.
Howard asked Pete if he does a Dominic impression too. Pete came out of his George impression and said that he only does the George impression.
Pete said he and Pete the Asian Virgin went out to lunch. He said that they didn't talk about much of anything. He said it was cool going out with him though. Howard had Pete on the phone so he asked where they went. Pete said they went out for sushi. Howard asked if they had a good conversation. Pete said they didn't talk a lot but it was good.
Howard asked what the purpose of the lunch was. They were just trying to get to be friends. Howard had to let Pete off the phone so he could get to Mike Walker.
Howard came back and said that the guys are watching the bathroom really carefully. He said that Robin was tagged for leaving in some mascara shavings in the bathroom. Robin said she usually cleans up but she was in a big hurry today. Howard said that they're narrowing down people now that they have the list of people who have access.
Howard said it's insane how many people ask to be added to the list to be able to use it. Howard said he has the heads of the company asking for it. Howard said he says no and tells them that they have plenty of bathrooms there to use. Howard said it's already working to keep it clean.
Robin said that something odd happened yesterday when he left the studio. She said that they yelled to clear the hall when he left. Howard said it used to be like a big party out there and people would come up to him on his way back to his office. He said he asked Gary to clear it out so that's why they do that.
Howard said they would have a huge number of people wanting to get a hold of him out there. He said Scott Greenstein would tell him that it was a great show that day and things like that. He said he'd be beat and just want to rest for a little while. Howard said it was like a party going on out in the hall and it would come over on the air.
Howard said the hall was full of people and there was a ton of noise. Howard said that the hall should be cleared all the time. There's no reason to be out there. He said it all goes on in front of that door to the studio.
Gary said that they went over the list for the people who have access for the compound. He said that everyone in security and engineering have to have access. He said if they have an emergency there they have to have access. Howard said that makes sense to him. Gary said the IT guys have to have access too. Then the TV guys and all of their staff. Gary said they actually pared it down a lot though.
Howard said he doesn't want to meet new people right after the show every day. He said he knows it's exciting when he comes out but he's trying to make the next 8 months comfortable. He said he's gone after that.
Howard said that he was in no condition for meetings in the hall there when he leaves. He said he would say yes to just about anything just to get out of it.
Gary said that it makes him crazy because he has to make sure that no one bothers him. He said that they might have someone visiting up there and he has to make sure they don't pop their heads out of the green room or something.
George said they need some kind of escape hatch to leave in. Gary told George that this really isn't Star Trek. George laughed and said they need to beam him to his office.
Gary said that Howard was on his way out of there one day and Howard just wanted to get out of there. He said that George kept talking though. Howard said he was annoyed because they sat there for 5 hours and George could have given it to him during the show. He said he didn't want to appear to be rude but he had to get out of there.
Howard said people want to conduct business in the hall but he needs a breather after doing 5 hours on the air. George said they really should have a separate door for him now. Howard said Gary is doing a fine job clearing the halls now.
Howard said by 10 o'clock everyone should be out of the hall. He said he bets that 90 percent of the people in the hall now don't have any business being out there.
Howard said that everyone stays quiet there when he's in his office. He said if JD makes a peep he's right out there. JD came in and said that he freaks out if anyone is talking in the halls there near his office. He'll tell people to quiet down. Howard thanked him for being concerned for him like that. He said he doesn't like being a Prima Donna but he needs to rest.
Howard said he goes to his office and curls up into a ball on his chair. He said he falls right asleep and then Ronnie bangs on his door to wake him up. Howard said he tells Ronnie what time to wake him up and he's always sleeping when he knocks.
Howard said he's only used that office for sleeping. He said he had a meeting with Mel in there just one time. Howard said he should have put a bed in there. He said the chair he sleep in isn't that great for sleeping in. He said he always has a dream so he brings those to his shrink. He said he has to write them down so he remembers.
Howard said that sometimes he'll ask someone for one of their dreams. He said he's done that with Fred and he's been locked up in a psychiatric unit.
Howard said he'd like to have sex dreams but he doesn't even have those. Howard said he never has fun. He said he never had fun when he was a teen either.
Ralph called in and said that George has been very pervy this week and it's ruining Star Trek for him. Ralph asked if this hall clearing was like the scene in The Devil Wears Prada. Robin said that's just what it was like. Howard said that you've never seen anything like what was going on out in the hall. He said Shuli would be out there telling him about his baby coming and he doesn't give a fuck at that time of the day. He said he should come on the air to talk about that stuff.
Howard joked that the guy who jumped off the Empire State Building was trying to clear the halls there. He said he just kept running. Howard said he was reading about that kid and he was a Yale student. Howard said someone tried to talk him out of doing it but the kid jumped anyway. Howard said the kid had everything going for him but he jumped and killed himself.
Howard read about a guy who was stalking Ivanka Trump. He said that the kid was doing well in school until he got into college. Then he had this mental illness hit him. Howard said that mental illness hits a lot of people around college age. Howard said Fred was like that.
George said that it's wonderful that Howard has been together with his people for so long. Howard said that they've been to hell and back with them. He said that he's been through so much shit he's exhausted. Howard said that's why he's got to clear the halls.
Howard said he used to get woozy from the meetings he had at WNBC. He said they used to lecture him but now he does the lecturing. Howard said he's sick of being lectured. Howard said the engineers used to laugh at him there when he wanted them to work. Now he can just say ''Fuck you!'' to them. Howard said they would goof on him there at NBC. He said that asshole Pig Virus would lecture him and he can't believe that guy is still in the business.
Howard said he just wants to be left alone after the show. He said he's in the service of no one now. He's a free man and if you want help, fuck you! Fred played Tracy's ''fuck you'' clip a few times during that.
Howard talked about how his parents would lecture him too. He was doing impressions of her and his father as he was having this meltdown. Howard said that everyone should be in the service of him now. He said they have to clear the halls and leave him alone. He said he hates the ''Massa'' just like the black man. Howard said he feels their pain. Howard said he doesn't know how Gary fixed that problem in the hall but it worked. He said that he can do whatever he needs to do to clear it up.
Robin said she was shocked at how quickly the hall cleared. Robin said that no one told her she had to get out of the hall. She said she's not going to scatter like everyone else. George said he will just sit in that chair until Howard is gone. Howard said he hopes that his audience doesn't think that he's a Prima Donna. He said he's really not. He's just trying to get work done.
Steve said they have a story about Jay Leno talking to Joy Behar about The Tonight Show and how he's not sure why he gets all of the crap about what went on. Howard had some tape of that where Jay was saying that he got screwed and so did Conan. Howard said that Jay didn't get screwed. He said Jay is such a shit head. Howard said if he got screwed he should have left NBC. Jay said that he thinks Conan will come back and he'll be strong. He said they'll all just compete against each other and see who wins. Jay was saying that you don't impede someone else's opportunity.
Howard went off on Leno saying he's just a scum bag and an asshole. Robin said that they dropped all of the crap that sucked on his 10 o'clock show. She thinks that they wanted that show to fail at 10.
Steve said they have some stories about a guy who used to advertise on the show who said that his sales nearly doubled in the first week. They also have an update on Richard Christy's birthday celebration.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of stuff they were going to try and cover today.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they're going to be talking about the clearing the hallways thing. They're also going to talk about George Takei and the guy who said he didn't like him earlier in the week. He said they'll also talk about Richard trying to get Coheed and Cambria in the studio and a lot more. Superfan Roundtable is on Howard 101 at 7pm tonight.
Robin started her news with a story about April Fools day and where it comes from. She said that they say that it may have come from the 1500s but it wasn't in written history until the 1800s. Howard said the origins of things like that are interesting. He said that he got something off the internet that said that back in George Washington's day they would paint or sculpture you since they didn't have cameras. He said that Washington would have one arm behind his back because they based painting prices on how many limbs you had showing. That's where the ''It'll cost you an arm and a leg'' phrase came from. Howard said he had some information about why they wore wigs back then and when they baked the wigs in an oven they would fluff up so that's where the term ''big wig'' came from. Howard read some other stuff and said he had a million of them.
Robin said that they're saying that bosses aren't into the April Fool's jokes so don't pull any pranks at work. She said that they did a poll and found that most bosses don't want that going on. Howard said bosses want you to work. He said if you want to do pranks, do them at home.
Robin read that Verizon may be getting its own iPhone this year. Howard said he hopes they don't. He said he loves his Verizon service and he hopes they don't get that phone to clog up the service. Howard said he loves the service he gets with them. He tried AT&T and it was no good for him. Robin said she had to get Verizon too.
Howard did a live commercial and then had Robin get back to her news. Robin asked if he would get an iPhone if they brought it to Verizon. Howard said he will not. He said that he can't use it anyway because they use Lotus Notes. Howard said that Jeff Jarvis was on a show the other day goofing on him about using it. He said that he's been told that it's the most secure thing to use though so that's why he uses it. Howard said Jeff was making fun of him for doing that but it's not that big of a deal. Howard said Jeff said he should be using something else. Howard said that he should interview Jeff about that. He said he's been goofed on many times in his life but not about the software he's using. He said he's pleased with it because it is secure and no one can break in. Howard said Jeff Schick told him to use it and if he says he should stick with it, he'll stick with it.
Robin read about Sydney Portier getting into an accident the other day. He hit another car and someone else was injured in the other car. Robin said that Portier is 83 years old. Robin said maybe he shouldn't be driving at that age.
Robin read a story about a woman who used someone else's credit card an personal information to get breast implants. She's getting 6 months in jail. Howard said she should get one year for every thousand she stole. Robin said she was ordered to pay back the money she stole. Howard said they should take the implants out.
Robin read a story about a cop who is suing a Burger King because an employee spit on his Whopper. Robin said they used DNA tests to catch the worker.
Robin read that tuna are eating the little fish that eat plastic so there is plastic in the tuna people are eating. Robin said that Howard is consuming some plastic if he's eating tuna. Howard said he can't be eating that much. Robin said you have to worry about mercury and now plastic.
Robin read a story about the woman who was killed by the whale at Sea World. She said that the autopsy report showed the injuries. Robin said that they say that she had injuries to her head, neck and torso and spinal cord injuries.
Robin read about a giraffe that was being playful with a zoo keeper in Long Island and head butted her. The keeper was conscious and walked to safety and was later released from the hospital. Robin said that the giraffe likes to have its head petted and it may have head butted her to get attention.
Howard did another live commercial and then had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about this new biodegradable bag that's coming out called a PeePoo. They're using them for toilets and they don't become smelly for 24 hours. She said they're going to use them for fertilizer. Howard said ''thank god for our country.'' He said even the poorest people have plumbing.
Howard read something on TMZ where they claim that Rachel Uchitel was paid $10 million to keep quiet about the Tiger Woods thing. Howard said he thinks that she was the first one who came out and maybe Tiger was going to pay her off and didn't figure the rest would come out. Howard said that they say that it's even more than what Elin would get if she left Tiger. That led to Robin reading some more news about Tiger and how there are more women coming out to talk about their affairs with him. Howard said when you're with that many woman you have to be crazy and the women have to be a little crazy too.
Robin read a story about some tourist who fell into an active volcano crater in Bali. Howard said people want excitement so they do these crazy things. Howard said he gets excited just going to the chess club. He doesn't need anything like that.
Robin read a story about a fluke accident at a baseball game. She said this guy hit a hard foul that popped back and hit his mother right in the chest. The woman had to be treated by paramedics but she was fine. Howard said he wouldn't even go to a ball game. He wouldn't want to get hit by a ball. He said it's the same for a hockey game. He's not going to get hit by a puck.
Robin read about a 52 year old man pouring a cup of urine on his father's head. She said that he was charged with felony battery for doing that. Robin said the guy poured a pot of potatoes and water on his father as well.
Robin read about a man in England who broke into a woman's home and planted child porn on her husband's computer so he could break them up so he could get into a relationship with the woman. Robin said the husband was arrested and kept from his kids but the cops eventually found the man who had downloaded the child porn and found other information on his computer from the husband and wife's computer.
Robin read a story about President Obama's plans to open up more off shore oil drilling. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read some news about the NY Auto Show. She said that there will be some ''green'' cars at the show this year. Robin said they will have a lot of electric, hybrid and ''green'' diesel vehicles there. She had some audio of some guy talking about that.
Robin read that Miley Cyrus has a new movie coming out and it's being panned by the critics. Howard played some audio of her talking about that and her voice sounded very odd. Howard wondered if she even went to high school. Robin said she's not sure she went to any school.
Robin had some audio of a woman from ''Clash of the Titans'' talking about one of her co-stars and how he's like no one else. Howard said there must be a rule about kissing the ass of your co-stars when you do a movie. He goofed on her for a minute about the ass kissing. Howard came up with some stuff he could say about her co-star Ralph Fiennes. Howard said that the guy is unique because he says his name ''Rafe'' even though it's Ralph.
Robin brought up a story about Jesse James having a picture where he's doing the Hitler salute and wearing a Nazi hat. Robin said that they say he posed in that picture for shock value and he's just a history buff. Howard wondered what they're going to come up with next. He said they'll probably say that it all came out before he married Sandra Bullock. Robin read about Jesse being in a rehab center as well. Howard said he's thinking of photoshopping a picture of Jesse fucking Mother Theresa's corpse to get in on this whole thing. Howard said what he likes is that they say that all of these pictures were taken while Sandra was in the next room. He said his picture would have her standing in the background while that fucking was going on.
Robin read about the Spider-Man musical that's coming out this fall. Robin said that Bono and The Edge from U2 are involved in that. Robin said that the guy playing Spider-Man is saying it's been surreal working with Bono on the songs.
Robin said that an Arizona restaurant is serving rabbit on their menu for Easter. She said that they say that they're free range rabbits and it's perfectly appropriate to serve rabbit. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later.
After doing a couple of live commercials Howard said goodbye to George Takei since that was his last day there for a while. Howard told him it was a pleasure having him there this week. George said he had a good time and wished Richard a happy birthday. Howard said he wishes George luck with whatever he's working on next. He asked George to clear the halls for him before he leaves. George said he was going to let Howard leave first and then he'll follow him out. They ended the show around 11:05am.
Scott came in so Jon and Gary asked him why he's so freaked out. Scott said the stories are disgusting. He said that the shit and blow jobs thing is hard to listen to. Scott said that it's hard to direct the TV show when he has to block that stuff out of his head. Scott said a little bit is fine but it's a lot to deal with.
Scott said that 15 years ago he couldn't take any of it but now he can. He said that he's not the only one saying this stuff. He said there are a lot in the room back there talking about it.
Jon asked Scott if a story about a girl getting anal is okay with him. Scott said that it's totally different. He said it's the fact that it's a man going into another man.
Richard was in and said that Scott has freaked out over a lot of gay stuff like that before. He gets angry when they pull gay porn clips.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about the author who was promoting his book today. They thought he sounded a little uncomfortable on the air. Gary said the book is in bold type and he says he did that so ''negros'' can understand it and read it. Richard was laughing at that so they asked what was so funny. Richard said it was funny the way Gary was talking about it.
Gary said the guy is presenting his book as if it's fact but it's just his observations. He said that it's not even just observations.
The guys talked about the way the guy told the generalized stories as if they were for every black person. They brought up the story he told about the black family with the kids running around. Benjy said he thinks that white people are even more permissive than blacks when it comes to that.
Sal was in so he was talking about the kid thing. He said that he's actually stricter with the kids when it comes to nutrition than his wife is. He said that she's the one who works with the kids when it comes to punishment since he's usually wrong in her eyes.
Gary and Scott talked about the way they deal with the kids too. Scott said he thinks that he'll do what Gary does and take stuff away from the kids. Gary said you have to follow through when you threaten like that.
Jon asked if they were surprised that Chris never got any calls from anyone but them. Gary said he's not surprised at all.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he agrees with Scott DePace about the George thing. He said he sees the humor in it though so he doesn't mind it so much. He said there's something charming about the guy and he doesn't mind the stories. Gary said it doesn't seem so bad to him either. The caller said it's funny and that's why it's so good.
Scott said he still thinks it's too much. He said they spent about 2 hours out of the 20 they did this week talking about Gay sex. Gary said that's not that much of the show.
Jon played a clip of George talking about his date to the Lenny Bruce show where he was talking about gay sex. Scott let out a sigh when he heard the clip starting.
After the clip Jon said that Scott was cringing during that clip while everyone else was laughing. Benjy said he found it odd that George had to tell the guy he had to go clean the shit off his dick. He said you never tell a chick that when you do her anally. Sal said that maybe it's a turn on for a term of endearment for them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if you're open to anything in the world then nothing should bother you when they talk about it. He said that George is funny as hell and he laughs his ass off at that kind of stuff. Gary said he was telling Jon the other day that George tells the stories with such energy and joy and that cracks him up.
Richard said he remembers details for something that happened 40 some years ago. He said that's pretty amazing. Sal said that guys will remember sexual encounters so that's why it sticks in his head.
Benjy said that they're making it sound like Scott has a homophobia if he gets sick hearing that stuff. Gary said he doesn't think that Scott is homophobic now like he used to be. Scott said he's never been scared of homosexuals. He said he just doesn't enjoy the stories.
Gary asked Scott if he would hire someone based on their sexual preference. Scott said he might. He said that a phobia is a fear and he doesn't fear homosexuals. Gary said that homophobia means that you'd give bad treatment to a gay person over a straight person. Scott said he doesn't do that either.
Jon took a call from a guy who was telling the guys that he found out that his girlfriend was smoking crack with her father. He said that he was smoking it too but he found it weird that they smoke like that. He said that white people will smoke in their house while blacks and Mexican's don't do that kind of thing. He said it's kind of weird.
Jon said he lied to Howard about it. Sal said he didn't lie, he omitted a fact. Sal said he did that because he didn't want Howard beating the shit out of him for a half hour. He said he didn't lie to him. Doug asked him off the air if he really did anything and he told him the truth.
The guys asked Sal about the bathroom incident too. Sal said he really didn't shit in that bathroom down in the parking garage. He said he never let any shit out in that bathroom. Richard said that he has seen Sal shit and he doesn't hover over the toilet. Richard said he has looked in while Sal is shitting to say hi.
Jon asked Sal about sticking his hand down his pants. Sal said he knows he does that but he doesn't finger his asshole. Gary said they never said he does. He said they just pointed out that he sticks his hand in his pants and it looks like his finger is in the crack of his ass. Jon said they've all noticed it and his hand is moving. Sal said he has the shakes but he's not digging in his ass.
Richard said that Sal used to stick his hand in his pants and then he'd hand him a cart. Howard yelled at him about that once.
Gary said that Sal totally does it and he denied it today. He said that there must be something mentally going on there that he has to plug in to get his creativity going.
Jon said that everyone was calling bullshit on Sal's story about washing his hands violently. Sal said he really does do that. Richard backed him up on that story.
Richard said he got some nice gifts for his birthday. He said it was really nice having everyone with him a happy birthday today. He was also wishing his fish a birthday since they celebrate that today too.
Benjy said that Richard named his fish after Ernie Anastos because the fish goes nuts when he's on the TV. Richard said that's true but he didn't want to get into that more. Gary said that was a vortex that they could get stuck in.
Richard said he's going to celebrate with some Papa John's pizza and a six pack of beer. He said he'll go out to a nice dinner with his fiancee after that. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that some people don't care about birthday celebrations. Gary said that he and Mary are a day apart and they didn't do anything to celebrate because they didn't have power at the house. He said that Richard, Sal and Howard all sent him messages. Jon said he did too. Gary didn't remember everyone who had sent messages.
Richard said that doesn't have any big holidays going on around his birthday. Gary said it's April Fools day and Easter. Richard said he doesn't care about Easter though. He said he's not religious.
Richard said that Halloween is the biggest thing for him. He said now is when he starts planning his Halloween stuff.
Jon asked Gary about the way Howard was explaining why he needed the hallways cleared. Gary said that there are still people who don't know that they have to get out of the hall. Gary said that the TV guys were out there today and they don't mean any harm. He said Howard said he told him he wanted the halls cleared so that's what he and Ronnie work on.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to ask Gary if he thinks he makes it into Howard's therapy sessions. Gary said he doesn't think he does. Benjy said he thinks it comes up. He said it might not be all the time but he has said he talks about people on the show when he's in therapy.
Gary said he doesn't think that he's a regular subject in the therapy sessions. Gary said that he may bring him up when he yells at him or something.
Jon took another call from a guy who said when they were interviewing that Chris guy he thought it was an April Fool's joke and it was JD on the phone. Gary said he promises it wasn't a joke. He said they would have found a better actor to play the part.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he was bummed when Howard gave away the TV. He said he was on hold at the time. He said that Howard says he won't give stuff away when people ask for stuff but he gave the TV to that guy.
The guys talked about the big screen TV they have in the green room right now and how they were watching some videos on it. Jon said that they were checking it out and other people may have been watching some stuff. Gary said he heard that Ronnie may have been grooving out to Michael Bolton.
Sal said he thinks that George was doing some product placement during the show with that TV stuff. Gary said that the guy has a contract so of course he's going to push it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if George would make a ring tone out of his laugh. Gary said he could probably make a lot of money off of that.
Jon asked about the Medicated Pete impression of George. Gary said Sal told him that it was so good he thought George was on the other side of the wall when he heard it. Sal was jerking him around though because the impression was awful.
Jon took another call from a guy who said it was also his birthday today. They wished him a happy birthday. Richard said that John Gosslin has his birthday too. He said he's kind of proud of that. He said maybe they were ''April Fools-ing'' him though. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:00pm.