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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about how he clipped down his pubes and he likes the feel of it so his hands are down his pants during the show. He said he likes to touch it.
Howard asked how the rest of the guys were doing. He said he was thinking about Fred and how big his daughter has gotten. Fred said he's not digging that part of it. He said that she's becoming more adult like and he's not liking it. He said he liked it better when she was a daddy's girl. Howard said he gets that. Howard said his kids were so much easier when they were little. He said they grow up and then they tell him he doesn't do anything right. Howard said he was really smart when they were little.
Howard said when you have the rest of the world telling you that you know something then it's tough to hear it from the kids that you don't. He said he just learned to shut up and not say anything. Howard said he's just watching the wheels go round and round instead.
Howard said Robin went out and threw that ball beautifully. Robin said she doesn't even know what she's doing. She thought it was easy to throw it though. Howard said Gary looked like a woman. Robin said Gary is less than a woman. Howard said Robin threw it so easy. He said it didn't seem all that hard. Robin just threw it and it went right to Jimmy. Howard said Robin threw that thing perfectly and asked if Gary is retarded. Robin said she tweeted and asked if she really threw that pitch or was she in Gary's nightmare.
Robin said she had to contact Gary about something and she told him she didn't want to talk about the pitch. Gary said he didn't get any notes from her other than the notes about her charity that she sends to everyone that's involved. Gary said she was telling him about her new show ''Vegucating Robin.'' Robin said she did contact Gary and there was one about getting in touch with David Arquette. Gary had forgotten about that.
Robin asked Gary how it felt seeing her throw that pitch. Gary said it was another humiliation for him. He said he didn't watch it until a day or two later. He said he watched it on the internet while he was in the office. Howard asked if he noticed that she threw it effortlessly while wearing heels. Gary said he thought that she just didn't give a shit. Howard said she did though. She was just talking about how nervous she was. Gary said it was great and he's not sure what he wants him to say.
Gary said he heard that they're showing this stuff in the cabs out there. He said he was in a cab the Wednesday after he did his pitch and it ended up showing up in the cab.
Howard said he's afraid that Gary is going to write another book. He said he's heard rumblings about it. Howard said he has never seen promotion like this. He said it's only the fans who are buying the book so he has to just stop. Gary said he has 3 more book signing's to do and he's going to be on Jimmy Fallon. Howard said that's fine but this stuff usually doesn't go on so long. Howard said it's like endless book promotion for him. Howard said it won't end if he doesn't end it.
Howard said Gary has said everything he's going to say so he ends up saying that his mentally ill mother helped him to prepare for dealing with the mentally ill Howard Stern. Gary said he didn't say that Howard was mentally ill. He said he grew up in a chaotic environment and that prepared him to work in a chaotic environment. Howard said he didn't know this was a chaotic environment.
Howard told Gary to go on and say that Fred is a drug addict so he has something to talk about. Gary said he didn't see this coming. Howard said when Paul Shaffer wrote a book he did promotion for about 2 weeks. Gary said Paul didn't want to talk about Dave's issue. Howard said that's bullshit. He just didn't want to talk about Dave.
Howard said the interviewers don't care about Gary. They want to talk about Howard Stern. Howard said that's what they're doing. He said that he was up for Gary doing some of this promotion but it has to end. He said there doesn't seem to be a plan in this. Gary said he's done in 2 weeks.
Howard said Robin made his life when she threw that pitch. Robin said that Ralph told her that she can quit now that she's done that. Howard said Gary's book is making him mentally ill. Robin said it was probably Gary that made his mom mentally ill.
Gary said he has 3 book signing's this week, one next week and then he's doing Rachel Ray and Jimmy Fallon. Howard just laughed and said that Baba Booey is his nightmare.
Howard said this is going on too long and they're bringing his name up too much in the interviews. Howard asked Gary what he said about him in the interview he did where he didn't know he was doing an interview. He was commenting on his guests and bad mouthing them. Howard said he shakes like Robin was shaking on Kimmel when he opens the paper now. He said he's afraid he's going to read another article about Gary's book.
Howard said Gary has gotten the word out. He said he thinks he's done with it now. Gary said people are buying books at the signing's. Howard said the purpose of the signing isn't to sell books. It's to get promotion for the book. He said word is out about the book and he guarantees that. Howard said he thinks that every fan knows that he's written a book. Howard said he thinks that every fan who knows he has the book out has already bought it.
Howard said Gary isn't good at communicating. He said he makes Baba Booey-isms and he has to stop with the interviews. Gary said he's done at the end of next week. Howard told Gary to book some more shows since they only have 3 weeks leading up to Christmas. Howard said he doesn't know what's next.
Howard came up with some more quotes from Gary that he could say in the paper to make him look bad. He was saying Gary could tell the interviewers that Howard is a child molester and things like that.
Howard asked Gary if Robin's pitch had any effect on him. Gary said it didn't. He said he thought it was a win for Robin but it didn't do anything to him. Howard said Robin did it and that's that. Gary didn't seem to care either way.
Howard said he knows that Gary doesn't mean anything by it with the interviews he does but he's kind of tired of this publicity. Howard said Gary goes to the book promotion and the reporters dress up like fans and interview him. Howard said Gary looked like he was crying. Gary said he wasn't but Howard was going to stop anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's enough and he's glad he brought this up. He said he's not going to buy the book and it's weeks on end of this stuff. The guy said that enough is enough and he has to stop. Howard said there are people who give a shit so he gets that he'd do some promotion. He said that some guys like Adam Carolla just do a few interviews though.
Howard said this guy on the phone is a fan and he knows about the book. Gary asked if he can't just turn the channel when he's watching. The caller said he loves all of this stuff but anyone else out there is just going to wonder why he's on these shows at all. Howard said he's a good sport about it and he likes it too but at some point you have to let go. He said you can only be interviewed about him so much. Gary said he's almost done with it all. It's coming to an end in two weeks.
Gary said he did feel betrayed by Robin. He said he talked about this on Dan Patrick's show. Howard said it's been over a month already. Howard said he went on Letterman 10/25 and he's been doing promotion since then.
Gary said Robin must have known that Jimmy was going to have her pitch. He said that she went on with the mitt and Jimmy was going got ask her to do it. Robin said she didn't really intended to do it and she didn't think it was that big of a deal to throw the ball. Howard said he told Robin she had to do it. She recognized the beauty of it.
Gary said that if Robin had fallen down during the marathon and they kept showing it over and over again would it be okay if he went on Kimmel and recreated it? Howard said that's an odd analogy. Robin said Gary does that kind of thing all the time. She said that he rats her out all the time. They all rat each other out on the show. Gary said that's just what they do there.
Howard said Gary actually ruined Robin's interview because she had to go out and pitch instead of doing her promotion.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Gary if he had heard what Jimmy said to him after the pitch. Jimmy had said ''Sorry Gary...'' Gary said he did hear that.
The caller asked Howard about going to the psychiatrist because she goes to one too. She said that she goes to a therapist and a psychiatrist. She said she only goes to the psychiatrist for medication. Howard said that psychiatrist would probably do therapy too. She said that person doesn't do that. Howard said he thinks they over prescribe stuff. She said she's on Xanax and stuff like that. Howard said she does sound kind of crazy.
Howard and the caller talked about her craziness. Howard said she has a sexy voice too. Howard asked if she's ever met a guy over the phone and then he meets her and maybe she's fat or something. Howard asked what's wrong with her. She said that she was very good looking when she was younger. She said she doesn't leave the house much now so she's not at the top of her game. Howard asked if she's hot or not. She said she wouldn't say she is. Howard said she sounds great. The caller, Erin, said she thinks she should get her voice patented. Howard said she could make a lot of money with that voice. She could do phone sex. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he's really not a great looking guy. He said his sister is into photography now and she's taking pictures of him. He said he hates that. Howard said she just does it to get at him. He said she was snapping away and he had to ask her to stop. He said he didn't want her putting them up on Facebook either. He said he hates when that happens. Robin said she knows what that's like.
Howard said his dad had a black eye a couple of months ago and his sister was taking pictures of that. He said if anyone has a picture of him that makes him look like Jake Gyllenhaal then you can put it up. He said he barely lets Jason put his pictures up on the web site. He said that he has to approve them all and he hates most of them.
Howard talked about 3D glasses and how fucked up they are. He said that the whole 3D thing is fucked up. He said they have fashionable 3D glasses out and people are such assholes. He said that people really are assholes.
Howard said when you eliminate football from your life you have a lot of free time. He said he watched ''The Kids are All Right'' and that was good. He said there was a Liam Neeson movie that was good too. Robin said she saw ''Skyline'' and it was kind of cool but they don't have an ending. She said the ending kind of sucks.
Howard said Gary gave him a documentary about Harry Nilsson and he wasn't able to watch it. He said that he hates to see guys with talent throwing their lives away. Howard said that's what Harry did. Fred said he saw that too. Howard talked about what he did see in the documentary. He said that they had some hit songs and ''You're Breakin' My Heart'' is one of his favorites. Howard said the guy had a great voice too and he had some other hit songs. He had Fred play some of ''Without You'' and talked about how good his voice was. Howard had Fred play a couple of his other songs too.
Howard said the guy was so self destructive and they could have just kept making hit song after hit song. Howard said he can't stand when people are so self destructive. He had Fred play some of Nilsson's ''Coconut'' song which was another hit. Howard said the guy had a lot of talent. He said it was easy for the guy. He said the whole thing was so fucked up. He had Fred play some of ''Me and My Arrow.'' Howard said a lot of people didn't know about him because he was so fucked up.
Howard said he was listening to some of Cream's ''Disraeli Gears'' and he was reading about how they got the name for that album. He said it was a mistake that someone on the crew had made so they used it for the name of the album. Howard said those guys were something else with their music. Howard said it the whole band was so talented. He had Fred play some tracks off of that album too. Howard said he had to take a break. Dr. Drew was coming by.
Howard said he doesn't think that Spider-Man even fights. He said maybe he read that he doesn't sing. Robin said she read that he does sing with Mary Jane. Howard said he heard that they were supposed to have a bunch of people in the show and they backed out of it. Howard said he really had to take a break. He said he's been talking for like an hour now. They spent a little more time talking about that and then went to break.
Howard came back and had Dr. Drew Pinsky come in. He asked Dr. Drew about Cream and if he liked their stuff. Drew said he's not a fan actually. Drew said he didn't sleep all last night. He said he must have jet lag or something. He said he was up at 2:30 this morning and then he was staring at his clock at 5:30. He said he's not feeling physically very well either. Howard asked if he should be there in the studio if he's not feeling well. Drew said he's not going to kiss him or touch him so he'll be fine. Howard said he'd like to know why he can't sleep. He said he thinks there must be something there.
Howard asked Drew why he's not into Cream. Drew said he always stayed current with the music and he never stuck with the same stuff he listened to when he was a kid. Howard said he thinks that because he's a brainy kid he was busy academically and not wasting his time with music. Drew said that's kind of what happened. He said that he was dead for about 8 years while he was going to school. He said he was consumed with academics. Drew said that his kids are getting ready to go to college now and he's consumed with that now.
Howard asked Drew if the kids got his brains or his wife's. Drew said his wife has the math brain and she's busy running the family right now. Howard said that Drew must be the brains of the outfit. He asked how many kids they have. Drew said they have triplets. He said they're amazing too. Howard asked if they're putting them into med school. Drew said that only one wants to do that but it's really a mess to go to med school these days.
Drew said that being a doctor is really tough now. He said that every meeting with a person is threatening. He said the regulations are so over the top that it's scary. Howard said they can come back and sue him so that's why he's saying that. Drew said that it's particularly about the primary care. He said it should be an honor to get to know people but it's the most adulterated thing out there right now.
Howard said that Drew still practices. Drew said he does. He said he sees about 10 people a day. He said he used to see 60 a day. Howard said he has the TV show and the radio show now to keep him from that. Drew said that he wanted to ply his craft by doing radio and he's enjoying that.
Howard asked Drew if he told his son that he should stay out of it. He said he didn't do that. Robin asked if he thinks that doing Celebrity Rehab is an abomination. Drew said he doesn't do anything different on the show than he does in his regular practice. He said the people who are on the show get paid to do it but they do have life changing experiences there. He said that he thought that it could have an adverse impact but it's worked out well for some of the patients.
Robin brought up Drew's narcissism test so Drew tried to take the blame off of himself for that. He said he doesn't think it was even his idea to put Robin's test in the book.
Howard said they say that this season's Celebrity Rehab is going to be the best season so far. He read through the cast which includes people like Eric Roberts. Howard asked what he was in for. Drew said he has had his legs knocked out from pot. Howard sounded shocked that pot would do that. Howard said the guy has to be disappointed that he doesn't have a relationship with his sister, Julia Roberts. Howard asked if he doesn't bring that kind of stuff up on the show because the cameras are there. Drew said that sometimes you can't bring that stuff up early on. He said it can scare them away. Howard asked Drew if he was told not to bring Julia up. Drew said he was not.
Howard read about Jeremy London being on the show too. He didn't know who that was. Howard said that Rachel Uchitel is also on the show. He said he'll tune in just to see her. Howard said that love has ruined her life. Drew said that she's been through some terrible stuff. He said it will all come through when you see her on the show. Howard asked if she talks about Tiger Woods. Drew said she didn't. Robin laughed. Drew said he's not there to exploit people, he's there to treat them. Drew said that Rachel had some horrible things happen to her in her life and now she's chasing after unavailable relationships. Howard read that Drew took Rachel to Ground Zero because her boyfriend died there on 9/11 and people think that he's exploiting the whole thing. Drew said that's not what he was doing. He said he never thought that there had never been cameras down there. He said they're doing the show like a documentary and it's put together like a reality show.
Howard said Janice Dickinson is on Celebrity Rehab. Howard said he saw her recently and she was screaming at him on the street. Howard asked what she was addicted to. Drew said she almost killed herself on the show and she was addicted to pills. He said that she scared his staff. Howard said Janice is good TV. Drew said that she's still in the care of someone from his staff. Howard asked if they're doing Sober House again. Drew said that he's not doing that anymore. He said that it was too little control for him. He said that things were too out of control there. He said he wasn't able to keep an eye on them there. Drew said that he showed up when Tom Sizemore was about to snap and if he hadn't shown up, he fears that something bad would have happened.
Howard said that the woman on Sober House was like a den mother and she wasn't able to control it. drew said she was great but he really doesn't want to do that show anymore. He said that he'd like to do a show called ''Living Sober'' but that could be kind of boring.
Drew told Howard that Janice was really sick during her treatment so she was quite vocal during the show. Howard said Janice Dickinson is going to be great on the show. He said that she's great when she comes on his show.
Howard read that Leif Garrett is on the show too. Drew said that things are bad for Leif. He said that he has a heroin addiction. Howard read some of the other names of the people who are on the show. Some of the names weren't familiar so Drew told Howard who they were and what their problems were.
Howard read that the show is on Wednesday at 10pm on VH1. Howard asked what's going on with Charlie Sheen. Drew said that he has a long term addiction and he thinks that he's got some real issues. He said he has a massive problem and his life is in danger. Howard asked how they can get him on Celebrity Rehab. Drew said he feels for his employer because he's an independent contractor so the company can't make him go away for a year or something.
Drew brought up Steve-O and how they had to tie him up and bring him to the hospital. He said things are working out well for him now.
Howard read that Chynna isn't doing well. Drew said that she hasn't been in touch. Howard said that maybe she wants to get back on Celebrity Rehab. He said that maybe some of these people will sabotage their lives just to get back on TV. Drew said he hasn't seen that happen.
Howard asked how Jeff Conaway is doing. Drew said he's struggling. He said the weird thing is that some of them choose to do it privately so the confidentiality thing kicks in. He said that's what's going on with Jeff.
Howard asked if Steven Adler is still in touch. Drew said that he's doing well and they are still in touch. He said that they make themselves available to everyone when they go through their program. Howard said he loves the show and he'll be watching this season.
Howard and Drew talked about Harry Nilsson and the documentary that Howard had talked about earlier. They talked about the legalization of pot and how bizarre the laws are. Howard said he's all for the legalization of pot.
Howard said he heard that Drew had to treat Gary Coleman for a seizure when he was on the set of some show. Drew said that Gary had yelled at some people on this show he was on and he was in renal failure and he was a mess metabolically. He said that they were going to talk about his medical problems on the show jut as they were getting started and Gary had a seizure so he had to carry him off the set and resuscitate him. Drew said that he didn't have to do mouth to mouth on him or anything.
Howard asked Drew if he has ever had to do mouth to mouth. Drew said at one of his kid's football games this kid passed out and he had to resuscitate him. He said that it was out on the football field and he was able to do that. He said the kid has fully recovered since then. Howard asked if he's ever had a patient slip a tongue in while he's resuscitating them. Drew said that's never happened.
Howard asked Drew if he thinks that Mel Gibson should come see him. Drew said he thinks he's seeing bipolarism and alcoholism. He said he feels bad for people like that. He said that it can be dealt with and it should have happened before it go to where it did. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Robin brought up the Willie Nelson arrest and Drew said they should just let the guy smoke pot. He said he's 74 years old now so just let him do it. Howard said he seems to be happy doing it too. Drew said that people want him to be ''the man'' and bum everyone's high but that's not what he's interested in. He said Willie isn't an airline pilot or anything like that and if he doesn't want help then just let him do it.
Howard said they apparently found 6 ounces of pot in his bus. He said that he's surprised that it hasn't gotten him into trouble more often since he makes it well known that he likes smoking.
Howard asked how Tom Sizemore is doing these days. Drew said he's doing very well and he's working again. He said he's an amazing actor too so it's great that he's out working again. Drew said he comes back on the show and talks to the patients about getting sober.
Howard asked how Gary Busey is doing. Drew said he heard he's doing really great. He said he hasn't had contact with him lately. Howard asked how Heidi Fleiss is doing. drew said he heard her house burned down recently. He said that she's smart and a great woman and very nice. He said she's lived a really tough life too. Drew said he thinks that she understands the addiction better now.
Howard asked Drew about JD and if he thinks that he has anxiety induced Tourette's. They had mentioned that during a break earlier in the morning. Drew said that's not what JD has.
Robin asked Drew about who he'd like on his show for the next season. They mentioned Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. Drew said that Lindsay is in treatment now. He said he heard she's doing well too. Howard said he thinks that it's too late for Lindsay but Drew thinks that she'll do fine. He said his fear is that something horrible is going to happen before she embraces it though.
Howard gave Drew some plugs for this season's ''Celebrity Rehab'' and said he hopes someone takes off their top and that the person is a girl. Howard asked Drew about Rachel Uchitel and if she gets into a bikini on the show. Drew said that she does and they get into the pool they have there at the center. Howard said that Drew is a genius. He said that show is great.
Howard asked if anyone has an addition where they touch themselves sexually or anything. Drew said they don't have anything like that on this season.
Howard asked Drew if there are any patients that hook up on the show. Drew said that there is some flirting but you have to watch the show to see who that is. Howard said that he should tickle his ass with a feather and tell him who it is. Drew wouldn't tell. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked up the Queen song like he was working at WNBC. Then he played a clip from his movie ''Private Parts'' where Paul Giamatti, as Pig Virus, told Howard how to say ''W Nnnn BC.'' Howard laughed as he was listening to that.
Howard said Paul Giamatti is actually there. Howard said that Paul didn't even try to find out who Kevin Metheney was before playing that part. He said he pulled it off so well. Howard said that he hated that guy and he was plays such a dick to him. Howard said he was shocked that Paul had never even seen a picture of the guy or even heard him. Howard said he and Gary were talking about how he sounded so much like him. Howard said he still doesn't know how Paul did it. Paul said all he knew was that he was supposed to have some stupid southern accent. He said that it was very well written too so that helped. Paul said he didn't even know that the guy was a real guy. He thought it might be a compilation of guys he worked with. Howard said Paul nailed it completely. He said that he hopes that he gets to see the guy some day.
Howard said that Paul was supposed to take the place of Sean Penn in the Three Stooges movie. Paul said that he was asked about that by some guy but he didn't know it was a real thing. Then he read a script and it just went away so he's not sure what happened. Howard said there actually was a script then. Paul said there was and he read the script. He said it was interesting but it was weird.
Howard said that he would be intimidated playing Larry from the Three Stooges. Paul said he's not sure how he'd play Larry. He said he'd have to go back and watch his stuff. Howard said he'd have to mimic him and it would be tough. Paul agreed. He said that he's the toughest of the group. Paul said he didn't have a personality so it would be tough to nail him.
Howard said they had Billy West on the show and he did that impression that was brilliant. Howard said he thought it was so unusual that he could do that impression. Paul said that he did try to do Larry and he can't do it. He said it was fuckin' impossible to do it. Paul said he thinks that his kid had some Three Stooges stuff so he watched it by himself. He said he didn't really get into them until he was in his 30s.
Howard said he could never play that part. He said that Paul must have thought that it was just another challenge. Paul said he's not sure he could have done it. He said he thought he had nailed the voice while he was in the room by himself. He said that he had it down a little bit but he never signed on to do the movie or anything. He said that he'd be too scared to play that part. Paul said he thinks that he could have played the part but maybe not played it so well.
Howard said Paul played Harvey Pekar and he did great doing that. He asked if he went to his funeral. Paul said he never heard much about it and he didn't get that close to the guy. He said he was a nice guy though. Howard asked if he had people asking him questions about Harvey when he died. Paul said he did and people were sending him condolences.
Howard asked Paul if he stays in character all the time. Paul said he's not like that. Howard said he doesn't remember him doing that on ''Private Parts.'' Howard said he remembers doing scenes with Paul and they were very easy. He said Paul was great to work with. Paul said that was on of his first movies. He said he did one called ''Thunderpants'' which was about a kid who wasn't able to stop farting. He said that was a couple of years after ''Private Parts.'' Paul said he did get a lot of great work after that though.
Howard asked what he played in ''Thunderpants.'' Paul said he was playing a government agent and they wanted to use the kid to power a rocket. He said the movie was British. Paul said he was very eager to do it and the guy who did it was a big fan of ''Private Parts.''
Howard asked what role got him noticed. Paul said it was that Harvey Pekar movie. He said he didn't get paid much to do that. He said ''Sideways'' was another one that got him some notice. He said he didn't get paid much to do that one though.
Howard asked Paul about the M. Knight Shyamalan movie he did and if he was paid well for that. Paul said he thinks he was. Howard said that was one of his first bombs. Paul said it was alright and he liked it. Howard asked when he saw that movie for the first time. Paul said it was at the premiere. Howard asked if he thought it wasn't that great when he saw it. Paul said he did feel it didn't really work when he saw it for the first time. He said he had a great time doing it though. He said that the movie did have problems.
Howard asked Paul if he gets a script for the Three Stooges and just thinks that he has to keep working. Paul said he has to take jobs but he will turn down stuff that's obviously bad. Howard asked Paul if he ever thought about going to the gym and getting six pack abs. Paul said he would do that for health but other than that he doesn't care. He said he would do it for a movie role too.
Howard said years ago they would have called Paul a character actor but he's doing well and he hasn't had to do that. Howard said he could play Superman. Paul said he thinks he could. Howard said that maybe Superman would look like a regular guy.
Howard said Paul played John Adams and won an Emmy for that. He said that he forgot to mention him in his speech though. Paul apologized for that.
Howard asked Paul about his wife and kid and said that he thought that he was going to go berserk and divorce and bang chicks. Paul said that could be in the cards for the future. Howard said he read that he's still living in Brooklyn. Paul said he's not trying to be excentric or anything. Howard asked if he has any temptation doing movies and stuff. Paul said that's always there.
Howard asked Paul if he's a wealthy man. Paul said he does okay. Howard asked why he doesn't live in Manhattan. Paul said he did but he got tired of it. He said he likes it in Brooklyn.
Howard asked Paul about working with Minnie Driver. Paul said she's bigger than you expect. He said that she's very tall. Howard asked what she does in the movie. Paul said she plays his second wife in this new movie ''Barney’s Version.''
Howard asked Paul if he has a love scene with Minnie. Paul said he doesn't but he does have an underwear scene. He said he thinks that his male frontal nudity would have ruined the movie. He said that he does have a love scene with another woman in the movie. Howard asked if he ''boned up'' with her. Paul said that didn't happen. Howard said he boned up in the bathtub scene in his movie. Paul said he never gets boned up when he's doing a movie. Howard asked if he masturbates the night before. Paul said he may have masturbated just to get it out of his system but not because of the movie.
Howard said Paul is in this movie ''Barney's Version'' and it's opening in select theaters. Howard said he knows what that means. He said it must be a small film. Paul said it is a small film but they open it up slowly like that and they call that platforming. Howard said he saw a small George Clooney film that was really good that never really took off. He asked Paul if he's worried about how well this one will do. Paul said he does worry a little bit. He said he has other movie in the works though.
Paul said that he's going to be playing Ben Bernake in one movie and he'll be in ''The Hangover 2.'' Howard asked if he would have worked in that even if Mel Gibson was in the movie. Paul said he thinks he would. He said he doesn't think he cares.
Howard asked if he's made any celebrity friends doing all of this work. Paul said he likes Russell Crowe but they don't talk on the phone or anything. Howard asked why he doesn't have any celebrity friends. Paul said it's like work or something to him. Howard said maybe he wants to be the big star at home and he wants to be the big shot. Paul said maybe that's what it is. Howard asked about working with Woody Allen twice and if he calls him. Paul said he had 3 lines total and he doesn't call Woody.
Howard gave Paul some more plugs for his movie that's opening in January. He took a call from a woman who asked if Paul would say ''Mother fucking antichrist'' for them once. Paul did the line for the caller. Howard said that Paul went on for like an hour doing those rants and raves. He said that they were going to leave it all in there. Howard said he doesn't see the movie much but he watched some of it recently and it was fun to watch. Paul said it's a really good movie. Howard said it made him sad watching it because he had such an incredible experience making it. Paul said it kind of ruined it for him. He said that no other movie has been like that since then. Howard said that's what Mary McCormack told him too.
Paul said that Howard and the guys were fun and the director was fun. Howard said that's Betty Thomas. He asked if he talks to her at all. Paul said he doesn't and Howard doesn't either. Paul said she was one of the best directors he's ever worked with. He said he actually worked wit her again in Dr. Doolittle 2. Howard said he got the feeling that they were beneath Betty. Gary said she did one of the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.
Howard said that Paul's father was the commissioner of baseball for a while and he felt bad about having to ban Pete Rose from baseball. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Paul banged Sandra Oh while working with her on ''Sideways.'' Paul said she was married to the director so that didn't happen.
Howard asked Paul what else he's doing to promote this movie. Paul said he has people working on that for him. Howard said it's always a pleasure seeing him. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he freaked out the first time he saw Robert Plant performing live. He said that he looked like he was dressed for his Don't Ask Don't Tell hearing. Howard said the guy was in tight pants with his shirt open. He said MAD Magazine had that line about being dressed like he was set for his Don't Ask Don't Tell meeting. He said that magazine is still pretty good.
Howard said that political correctness has gone insane. He said there was some lunatic who wanted to kill the President because he wasn't doing enough for black people. Howard said he read about the guy and he figured that black people are going to read it and think that they can't be mad at him because he's for the President doing more for them. Howard said everything drives him crazy.
Howard said he wanted to yell at Jeff the Drunk. He said he was on the phone but he must have hung up. Howard said Jeff was on Howard 100 News crying about Eric the Midget being part of the IQ test and getting money. He said he reminded him of a 3 year old. He asked Gary for the report so he could play it. Gary told him where it was and Howard played it.
In the news report Shuli was talking to Jeff the Drunk about the IQ test thing and Jeff was getting upset that Eric got money to do that whole thing. He ended up hanging up on Shuli. Shuli called back and asked if he had demands. Jeff asked that Howard just treat him right and stop treating him like shit. Jeff said that they do everything for Eric and don't do shit for him. Shuli said that Eric is handicapped so Jeff said he's handicapped too. Jeff's final statement was ''What the fuck... what the fuck.''
Howard said Jeff is the ultimate douche bag. He had him on the phone and Jeff said he's just as handicapped as Eric is. Howard said Jeff is complaining about things that they actually do for him. Howard said that they do give him money. Howard said he should smack Jeff in the head. He asked Jeff if he knows how much money they've given to Jeff. Gary said that the number he has for Howard is just from Sirius. Howard had a number there so he told Jeff that it's $3,450. Howard said that they've only given Eric a little over $1000. Howard said that has nothing to do with Jeff. Robin said that Eric is smarter though so that might count for it.
Howard said they don't owe Jeff any money. Howard said Jeff has wormed more money out of them than Eric has. Jeff said he has asked for money and they don't give it to him. Howard said he's made almost $4,000 in prize money and Eric has gotten less than half of that. Howard said it has nothing to do with what Jeff gets. Robin said that him saying that he never gets anything is ridiculous. Howard said Eric was being gracious in the IQ test so he gave him some money. He asked Jeff why that has anything to do with what he gets. He said that was a world class tantrum. Jeff said he gets embarrassed hearing that. Howard said he gets angry hearing Jeff complaining like that.
Jeff said he has a new name for Bobo. He said they should call him Dumbo. Howard said he's heard that one before. He thinks it's pretty funny. Howard asked Jeff if he was upset that Eric the Midget beat him in the IQ test. Jeff said it was hard to believe. He said he wants the same breaks that Eric got. Howard said they didn't give Eric any breaks.
Howard had Bobo on the phone but he accidentally hung up on Jeff. Bobo said that they have problems with their IQ test being up on Cablevision. Mike Gange said they're looking into that and it appears to be a Cablevision problem.
Howard asked where Jeff was. Gary said they kept getting his answering machine. Howard asked Bobo how he's doing after the IQ test. Bobo said it was rough coming in at an 87. He said it's not easy to realize that he's a big dummy. Bobo said he did good for himself teaching the driving courses. He said that he teaches traffic safety and he's done well with that. Robin said that he's teaching people not to drink and drive. Bobo said they talk about other things too. He said they try to educate people.
Gary asked Bobo if he believes that he's really an 87 or if that's not true. Bobo said he doesn't think it's true. He said he carries himself well.
Howard had Jeff back on the phone and asked Jeff what his claim to fame is to bash him. Howard said he did beat him in the IQ test. Bobo said he has made good money and Jeff hasn't done anything. Jeff said he beat Bobo by 2 points in the IQ test. Howard said that Bobo rehearses his questions with him and that's an 87 move. Bobo said he forgets stuff so he has to write it down. He said he'll write it down in his car.
Howard said just 7 points lower and Bobo would be a moron. Bobo said he teaches people have to drive though. He said if they all saw him doing that then they'd be shocked. Howard asked him what 7x8 was. Bobo threw out 56 really fast and said that he's very fast at that. He said that he's faster than anyone.
Howard told Jeff not to feel slighted by the show. Bobo said that he's a glom. Jeff said that his furnace just shit the bed. Howard said he had to go. Howard knew that he was going to work him for some money. He let Jeff and Bobo go after that.
Howard found the article about Gary that he was talking about earlier (Stern's Sidekick: 'Mom's Mental Illness Prepared Me for Working With Howard'). Howard said that Gary was talking about how his mental illness helped him prepare for working on this show. Howard said Gary has 2 more weeks of promotion left to do. Howard said his theory is that Gary is enjoying the limelight and he doesn't want it to stop. Howard said the questions are coming down to be all about him and not about Gary. He said that's because it's interesting that he works for him.
Howard said Gary did one show that's only on this HD Net thing. He had no idea what that was. Gary said it's Mark Cuban's network. Howard said that Gary has to stop doing these interviews. Gary told Howard that he's wrong about some of this stuff he's saying. Howard said they're coming up with shit just to make the articles interesting because they've run out of things to write about.
Gary said that he'll cancel the rest of his stuff. Howard said Gary won't cancel. Gary said he'll scale it back. Howard said Gary loves being Baba Booey. He said he loves the attention. Gary said he wishes that he could talk to him about this seriously. Howard told him that this promotion is going on far too long. Gary said he enjoyed it in the beginning. He said that Jimmy Kimmel's show was a turning point for him. He said now he's feeling that the pedestal he was on was kicked out from under him after Kimmel. Gary said he's not sure what he's thinking.
Howard said the promotion is going on far too long. He said no one is enjoying it. He said that the book signing's are too much and it's enough already. Gary said he wanted to get on NPR to sell books. Howard said that his book is for the fans. He said that NPR isn't going to sell books. Howard said it's his fans that are buying the book.
Gary said that if his book was out of the top 20 and down in the top 100 then he'd say it was too much. He said the book is still relevant. Howard said it's too long. He told Robin to tell him. Gary said Robin is out endlessly promoting her stuff. Robin said she's turned down things. Gary said it's hard to tell.
Howard said they ask Gary about him and he gets that but now they're talking too much about him. Gary said that it's not about what he's saying about Howard. He said he's not out there maliciously trashing him. Howard said he knows that but it's going to go horribly wrong from now on. Howard said he doesn't want this kind of promotion. He said they're out of things to write about. Gary said he's done by next Thursday. Howard told him not to get rid of anything. He told him to just finish with what he has.
Howard took a call from a woman who said it's not that bad. Howard said it is just too much. The caller said that her friend is now listening to Howard because he saw Gary on TV. Howard said he must be wrong then. He said he forgives Gary now.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he has hair on his dick shaft like Howard has talked about. Howard said he has hairs on his penis shaft up to the middle and some of them are longer than his penis. He said the hair is longer than his penis and it's only a couple of inches long. He said he's not going to take a razor and put it on his penis. The guy said that he's afraid that it'll get up to the head of his penis. Howard said he cut some of them down but you don't want to get too close with a sharp object. Howard said he's stuck with them and it's embarrassing.
The caller asked if he could promote the TV show ''Terriers'' on FX. The guy said that the show is close to getting canceled but the show is really good. Howard said the name is terrible. He said it doesn't sound like a cop show. The guy said the show is great. They have Donal Logue in the show. Howard said Donal is a terrific actor but he can't catch a break. He said he's in one shitty project after another. Howard said he must have met Scott the Engineer and he's cursed. Howard said the guy is a nice guy and all but America seems to hate him. Howard said the guy is a talented mother fucker.
Howard let the caller go because they were talking over one another. Howard said he knows exactly who Donal Logue is. Howard said they give him a lead and it turns people off. Robin said he was on the show promoting some show on there and it was right off the air. Howard said he has a show called Terriers and people still don't know who he is. Howard said some people have all the luck. There are people who have zero talent and they're huge stars. Then you have a guy like Donal Logue who is great and he can't catch a break. Howard said Donal did this movie ''The Tao Of Steve'' and it was great but it wasn't a big hit. Howard said the guy just can't catch a break.
The caller said that they could have not signed her and given that money to Howard. Howard said that no one is going to pay to hear her on Sirius. The caller said that it makes him want to piss on his radio.
Howard read an article about the deal she signed there. Howard said that she claimed she was quitting her terrestrial show after she caught shit for saying the N-word 11 times. Howard said she claimed she was leaving radio and that she'd never work with Howard Stern. Turns out she's a big hypocrite and a liar. Howard said he'd like to know what channel she'll be on. Gary wasn't sure but he guessed that she'd be on Stars.
The caller asked Gary how Thanksgiving works out since he can't get the chicken he wants when he eats with the family. They went over that for a second and then Howard let the guy go. Howard said
Howard read some mail about all of the great shows they did the week before vacation. They talked about Jay-Z, Billy Joel and KC making out with a dude. Howard said he thought KC had gotten a hand job from the dude but Robin said that she thought he stopped before the hand job.
Howard played a clip from the show where KC called in and talked about getting arrested for trying to pick up gay guys out on the street in West Hollywood. KC had explained that he had some warrants and the cops picked him up for being suspicious. KC claimed that he was there to pick up a friend. Ralph and Artie were asking him who it was and KC had excuses for it all.
Howard said KC has had a lot of misunderstandings. Howard said the fans want KC back on the show to talk about all of that stuff. Fred played a couple of Richard Christy's song parodies about KC. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have some updates on Gary's book signing's and promotion. His book is still at number 17 on the best seller list. Howard said maybe Gary is right about the promotion then. Steve said Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be on Kimmel and he's said he'd like to go on the show and throw a ball in someone's face on purpose. Larry King's producer will be on that same show as Fitzsimmons. Howard said he saw that Larry is going on shows with that producer. He said he hopes Gary doesn't get any ideas about that. Steve said that Tracey Millman thinks that it's great that Gary has done so well with the book promotion.
Howard said he doesn't think that Larry is talking about his wife and what went on with her. JD said that Larry was on The View and he said that everything is fine. Howard said he'd love to have Larry and his wife on his show. He said they should do a reality show about those two. He said he'd like to do an interview in his Larry King make up.
Steve said they have a story about Robin getting a couple of tattoos out. She got a Lotus and a Leo tattoo on her pinkie. Robin said she liked that Howard had his astrological symbol on his finger. Howard said it's actually the Ohm symbol on his finger. Robin said that her's is very subtle. Howard said he doesn't like when women get stuff on their fingers like that. He said a woman's hands shouldn't be touched. Robin said the Lotus flower is on her wrist. Howard said it looks like a big cock from where he's seeing it. Howard said it would be so great if she got balls and dick tattooed on her.
Robin said that David Arquette told her to get in touch with him when she was out there so she did. She said David was on his way to get a tattoo and he said he'd treat her to a couple. Howard asked if he was hitting on her. Robin said he didn't. Howard said it would be great if he had fucked her. Robin said she was hanging out with David and a bunch of his bros. She said it was pretty painful getting the one done on her wrist. Robin said that the guy who did the tattoo was the son of one of the guys in Los Lobos.
Steve got in some plugs for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's on tonight. He said that Norm MacDonald will be a guest.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects for today's show and they spent a couple of minutes talking about Paul Giamatit's visit and things like that.
Yucko the Clown called in and asked why black people get tattoos because you can't see them on their skin. Robin said she did it for herself and not for Yucko. Howard said he likes that they look more subtle on black people. He said his stands out like a billboard. Howard said Robin's is nice and subtle. He said he can barely see the one on her wrist.
Robin started her news congratulating John Travolta and Kelly Preston on their new child. Howard said they wanted to replace their son and they had a son. Robin said they're very happy and the mother and baby are healthy and doing beautifully. Howard said he feels bad for the dude. That didn't stop Howard from goofing on their Scientology beliefs though. Howard had some fun making fun of that.
Robin read a story about Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough dating and a bunch of reports are always being released about them. Robin said that it seems like they're releasing the stories on purpose and she may be using the relationship to do press releases. She found that very odd. Howard said he hopes that she's using him.
Howard said if he did as little work on his radio show that Ryan does, he'd have the strength to go after hot chicks like that too. Howard said that Ryan does nothing on that show and doesn't put any thought into it. Howard said the guy has a hot chick for a girlfriend and she must fuck like a rabbit. Howard said he's had it and he's sick of it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked why he's all of a sudden a bad guy. Howard said he heard him bitching like a girl that he doesn't get money and he's gotten 3 times as much as Eric the Midget. Jeff said it's unreal that they're being this way to him. Howard said he's being nice to him. Howard said he's trying to circle back to get money for his furnace.
Jeff said that to get the trailer in his name he has to spend money to do that and he has to put it into his mother's name and then into his name. Jeff asked if he had a game to play. Howard said ''C'mon Jeff...'' Jeff said it's Christmas time too. Howard wondered what he's supposed to do with this guy. Robin said that he's worse than Wendy.
Howard said he'll leave it up to JD and ask him. Jeff said that he won't give it to him. Howard asked Ronnie then. Ronnie said he wouldn't give him shit. Ronnie said he doesn't deserve shit. Ronnie told him to ''Get a fuckin' job... ya bum.'' JD said that he agrees with Ronnie. He said that Jeff should get a job. Gary chimed in and said he agrees with them. He said Jeff can work. Jeff said he can't work. Howard said he has one arm and an 89 IQ.
Ronnie told Jeff to save the money he wastes on beer and weed and save that. Gary said that he does live off the government and they're all paying him already. Ronnie told him to go fuck himself because he's not getting any money out of this show anymore. Howard asked if anyone there thought he should get some money. No one was coming in. Howard said he tried and the tribe has spoken. Ronnie told Jeff to have a nice day.
Robin said that he wasn't even trying to hit them up for the furnace. Jeff said he wasn't even trying to get money out of them for the furnace. Howard told him to give up smoking and drinking. Jeff said he was looking into his fridge and he had cobwebs in there. Gary said they don't even have money to give away. Howard said they gave away the $711 from 7-Eleven last week to Eric. Jeff said that was like rubbing salt in the wounds.
Howard let Jeff get in a plug for an appearance he's making at some place called Bogey's in Albany, New York. Jeff told them to go head and laugh at his life again and hung up.
Robin got back to her news and read about a guy who was thought to be brain dead waking up and talking to his family. Howard said he hates that because they're going to keep people alive for far too long. Robin read the details of the story and they removed the life support systems and he woke up.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone connection was awful. It sounded like he was in a wind storm. Howard said he sounds like Darth Vader. Howard told the guy to go quickly because he was killing him. The guy said he wanted to talk about North Korea. He said they have to quit playing with these Commie bastards. Howard said he had to go because the phone connection was so bad. He played some loud airplane noises to imitate the caller's phone connection.
Howard ended up talking about North Korea and how nutty they are over there. Howard said they're looking for a favorable trade agreement over there and that's all this is about. Howard said they have an army that looks like a bunch of little people marching without their legs moving. Howard said he wouldn't worry too much about this whole thing. This isn't one of the things we have to worry about.
Robin read about this actor who had killed his mother last week because he thought she was possessed. Howard said these people are retarded who think that there are demons inside of people. Robin read some quotes from the guy and he was saying he felt really powerful when he did that. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:25am, Howard came back and said that Gary took a call from Jeff the Drunk during the break. They had it recorded so Howard played it. Jeff was saying ''Fuck you!'' to Gary and that was about it. Howard said Jeff could have been a toll collector and he could work. Robin said it's been too long that he's been out of work. Gary said he could probably work at the post office. Gary said that he did have a job where he opened and closed a garage door. Fred did his Jeff impression for a minute before they moved on.
Robin read about how Leslie Nielson had passed away at the age of 84. Howard said he was kind of sad about that. Robin had some clips of him in some movies that she had Howard play. Howard read some of his lines and how great he was at delivering them.
Howard played some interviews that Wolfie did with some people who were on line waiting to get into some stores on Black Friday. There were some wacky sounding people standing out there and they were just about begging to get in. Robin said there were some stampedes at some places in Buffalo, New York. Robin said that the customers stormed the doors when they opened up.
Robin read about today being Cyber Monday and how people log on and do shopping from work. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Jeff the Drunk called in again and said that he was having a personal conversation with Gary earlier and not for everyone to hear. Howard told him not to call them if he thinks he's going to have private conversations. Jeff said some things are meant for off the air. Howard said the guy is looking to pick a fight with him because he's looking for money. Jeff said he didn't want that conversation on the air. Howard said he has to go because he's been on the air for almost 5 hours.
Robin got back to her news and read that some of the richest people on the country are begging to pay higher taxes. They'd support more taxes on the super rich. Howard said ''fuck them'' and that he's sick of them and their money. Howard said when you have 35 billion dollars then of course a few more dollars won't matter.
Robin was talking about the Afghanistan police that they're trying to train over there and how they did a story about that on 60 Minutes. Robin said they can't even do any calisthenics and they've spent like a billion dollars on training.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about this Wikileaks web site and the stuff they're releasing. Howard said he doesn't see how any of this stuff is a threat to national security like they claim. Robin read some news about that site and some of the stuff they've released recently. Howard said we have nothing to learn from this stuff. He said that none of the things that Robin was reading were of any importance.
Robin read some more news about Charles Rangle. She also read some news about people who keep their pets outside and how they should prepare them for winter. Howard said that's such a shitty thing to do to pets. He said he can't imagine getting a dog to just keep in another house.
Robin read about El Debarge who is releasing a new album tomorrow. She had some audio of his new song. Howard dropped the ''like he's on his way to a Don't Ask Don't Tell hearing'' line again. He dropped it a few times during the news and the rest of the show. He figured he had dropped it like 9 times.
Robin read about the Harry Potter movie being number one at the box office this weekend. Robin read about a new movie called ''Black Swan'' that's coming out soon. She had some audio of the director talking about that.
Robin had some news and clips about ''Warriors Way.'' Howard played some of that but cut off the audio after just a few seconds. Robin said that ''Tron Legacy'' is coming out soon too. She said that Jeff Bridges is in the movie. She had some audio of Bruce Boxleitner talking about the movie. Howard had no idea what he was talking about so he cut it off.
Robin asked if Howard is watching Skating with the Stars. Howard said he's burnt out from Dancing with the Stars. He said he's glad that Bristol Palin didn't win. Howard said she couldn't dance and she had no talent. He said it was the same as her mother almost becoming vice president. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Dancing with the Stars and what was going on in the last episode. Howard said that Jennifer Grey must think it's going to lead to something now that she's won. Howard said it's going to lead to Skating with the Stars. Howard said she was complaining about being in pain all week every week and that was taking the pressure off of her from performing all week. He said she's probably waiting by the phone for someone to call. He said she'll get a call from The Apprentice asking her to be on. Howard said that'll be the only call she'll get and she'll wonder why no one is calling to have her in a movie. He said she should save the tears for that one.
Robin said that Johnny Depp has banned phones from his home in France so he can spend more time with his partner over there. Howard said that guy is a kook. He was still talking about Dancing with the Stars and how nutty that Jennifer Grey is. Howard said Jamie Lee Curtis was there every week in the audience. He said Omarosa was in there too and then Melanie Griffith showed up. Robin said that she's apparently been begging to be on the show for years. Howard said he was reading about how Jennifer said that was a break she had been waiting for. He said he'd love to take the phone calls that come in from her agent. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
Benjy said he thought Gary's analogy was good about Robin running the marathon and maybe falling down. Gary said that he's not so upset with Robin that he can't talk to her or anything. Benjy said he gets why he'd be upset with her doing the pitch.
Jon said they'll talk about Paul Giamatti and Dr. Drew and other things today. He said he wanted to start off with Jeff the Drunk. Gary said that if Jeff went out and got a job then you'd believe in the guy. Gary said that he can work. He said he thinks that it's just laziness. Gary said that the guy just wants money and he doesn't want to have to work to get it.
Gary said he thinks that if Jeff were forced out of his house because he didn't have money then he'd figure out a way to make his life better. Gary said he thinks that Jeff has capabilities. He said that he's trying to be nicer and not pile on the guy but he should go get a job. Benjy asked what Minimum Wage is. Gary said he thinks it's up around 7 bucks an hour. Benjy said that it might not be worth it to him if he had a job because he might lose his SSI benefits. Gary said that for some people it's worth it to just not work. Jon said Jeff hasn't had to have one so far so maybe it's too late. Gary said if he had to work then he'd be happier. That's what he thinks anyway. He said maybe he wouldn't be happier having a life.
Gary said that Jeff could go out and earn more even if he starts out at a low rate. He said he could work his way up to making more money. He said maybe Jeff thinks that he'll never make good money and he'll be stuck in that low pay scale.
Jon asked if Howard was really trying to get the word out to him to cancel some of that stuff. Gary said he could cancel some of it but it would be tough. Robin was in so she said that Howard wouldn't want him to really cancel. She said that Howard is upset about it but he wouldn't want him to cancel. Robin said she thinks that Howard would be upset if he did.
Gary said he can't do this stuff without Howard. He said even Robin couldn't do it without him. Gary said that he has tried to leave Howard out of the loop on stuff but it's tough to know what to leave him out of.
Robin asked Gary if he would sign her glove. Gary said maybe if she hadn't thrown the pitch on the show he would. Jon asked Robin about the pitch and if she knew Gary was going to be upset. Robin said she did but she's never thrown a pitch that straight in her life. Gary said it's fine. He doesn't know what else to say.
Benjy asked if her pitch was really good. Gary said it was. Jon said she did a great job and he has to give her that. He said that she also made a point about Gary having a double standard for that kind of stuff. Robin said that Gary can't be upset when it happens to him when he's always reporting on what other people are doing. Gary said he was kind of defenseless on that show. He said when he's on Howard's show he has some defense.
Jon asked Gary about the questions he gets about what Howard is going to do when he's at the book signing's. Gary said he doesn't know what's going on so he can't even accidentally spill the beans. He said everyone there in the office gets silent when Howard brings it up since no one knows what's going on. Jon said it really was silent in there today when Howard brought it up. Robin said she had to start thinking about what's going on after her marathon run. She said that everyone is calling their agent about what's going on and he was thankful that she's not one of them. Gary said that the book has been a welcome distraction for him so he hasn't had time to think about what's going to happen.
Gary said he and Howard did talk over the vacation. He said he went on a radio show while they were on vacation and they asked if he was nervous. He said they picked up on that story in the Hollywood Reporter and Howard was supportive on the phone when he heard about that. Gary said he didn't say he's scared shitless but he is nervous.
Robin said she went on Good Day L.A. and Jillian Barberie was talking about how bad it was going to be for her not to hear the show if they're not on. Robin said that she told her to just think what it's going to be like for them.
Jon asked Robin what encouraged her to get the tattoos. Robin said that she has a scar from when she broke her wrist and she figured that would be something to look at other than the scar. Gary said that Arquette was treating too.
Jon asked Gary if he would ever get a tattoo. Gary said he has thought about getting one but his wife thinks it's ridiculous. He said he'd like to get something on his shoulder blade or something like that. He said he doesn't have the arms for tattoos.
Gary said that Billy Joe Armstrong was there and he has a Baby Finster on him that he got when he was younger. Gary said that wasn't something he was proud of.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard should put his ego away. He asked why Howard cares about Dr. Laura coming to Sirius XM if they're gone in 11 days. Robin said it's the history. She said that Dr. Laura has used them before and she's based her career past on theirs and she's know it all and a big mouth. Robin said that she has also said that she would never work at a company with Howard Stern.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that Gary didn't write that article that Howard was upset about so he shouldn't be so upset about it. Gary said that he did the interview with the guy though. Jon asked the caller if she thinks that Gary is only selling books to the fans. She said she thinks that other people are buying it too. Gary said he knows that there are people who are giving it as gifts and they don't all know the show. Gary said he's doing the Rachel Ray Show on Wednesday. He said that he may appeal to someone who knows the show who will buy the book for a family member who is a fan.
The caller asked if they saw the picture of Ronnie on the internet being out on vacation with some pregnant looking girl. No one knew anything about that so they tried to look it up. The caller also said that Robin has a lot of silver fillings and she's wondering why she doesn't get them out. Robin said she hates the dentist and she doesn't have a high mercury level so she's not too worried.
Ass Napkin Ed called in and asked Jon if he's mad at him. Jon said he's not. Ed said he never picks up his calls. Jon said he just did. Ed asked how he was doing. That was all he had. Ed said he had a point to make. Ed had forgotten what his topic was. Jon helped him remember. Ed asked Gary what he thought of Robin's throw. Gary said they already talked about that. Ed asked why he doesn't call him. Gary said this is the reason he doesn't call. He said he calls him and he doesn't have anything to talk about.
Ed and Gary went back and forth talking about Brad Pitt and how Ed thinks that he looks better than Brad... even though he doesn't know what the guy looks like. Gary said that Ed is average looking. They argued about that. Jon let Ed go and said they had to take a break.
Gary said Drew came out of the studio and asked him if Robin was ever going to let him off the hook. Gary said in 20 or 30 more appearances he might lighten up. Gary said that Drew left and Paul Giamatti asked what had happened there. He said he told Paul and his people what happened and they all thought it was a dick move on Drew's part to print the narcissism test results. Robin said it bothered her that he brought it up in every interview he was doing. Gary said he agrees. He said that he latched on to something that people were interested in and he wouldn't let it go.
Benjy said that Drew labels people all the time so that's what he was doing with Robin. Robin said he does that all the tine for people that he hasn't even met. She said that's just what he does. She said that he sensationalizes things and she doesn't like Celebrity Rehab. She said that's exploitive and it's not something they should be doing on the air. The guys talked about that for a few minutes. Robin said it's really not a fix, it's just a band-aid kind of treatment. Robin said that a lot of the people who have been on that show have come in and said that it's just TV and it's really not helping. Gary said that some of them have gotten help from doing the show though.
Benjy asked Robin if she think that the narcissism test was accurate. Robin said she doesn't think so. She said that it was such a simple thing and you can't just do one test. Robin said you screen for that and then do more extensive tests.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's baffled that people aren't hounding Howard about what's happening in 12 days. The caller said that would make him crazy. Robin said that she was asked to be on Dancing with the Stars and she was wondering if she should take the job. She said she would never do that though.
Gary said he is in freak out mode but things are calming down. He said that Howard will tell them when he's ready to tell them. Gary said he'll just wait and see what it all means. He said he'd like to stay with Howard and keep working for him but he'll have to wait and see what they're going to do.
Robin said that they could end up getting fired and they'd have to work off their severance. Gary said that he'd be really worried if he wasn't able to make money for 3-6 months. He said that he'd struggle to do that. Benjy asked what the fuck he's buying that he can't afford to wait a few months to keep working with Howard. Gary said that Benjy doesn't have to spend much money on his stuff. He said that Benjy used to spend his money on hand jobs at massage parlors and stuff.
Jon asked if they look back on it fondly when they see it on now. Robin said that she sees it on these days and the movie really holds up. She said that she was in London once watching it and she thought Howard's technique was really, really good. Robin said that it was really hard work back then. She said they were working every weekend and after the show. She said they had a great time doing it through and it was very creative.
Gary said that the people who played Howard's parents were great. He said he spent the day talking to them. Gary said they shot one scene and Betty would give him a premise right before the scene. He said that's why it worked out so well. He said that one day Betty told him ''Remember Gary, it's all about the teeth.'' He said that made him laugh and it made it much easier on him when she said that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about some email he's gotten about his comments about Gary. He said some people were upset about what he was saying to him about his book tour. Howard read through some of those and people were telling him that he did the same thing with his book tour. Howard said people scream that he's mean all the time. Robin said Howard was making a point about how Gary's interviews are coming back around to him and that didn't happen with Howard's book tour.
Howard said Gary generally annoys him but he loves the guy. He said he prepares for the show when he gets there and he goes through notes for the show. He said they kind of pile up and he goes through them to throw them out. Howard said Gary was waiting for him and he stated to sing while he was waiting. Howard said he wanted his attention really bad. He said he thought about shushing him but thought better of it. Howard said he was desperately reading the notes to go through them and Gary was singing. He said he tried to get through them but Gary was singing. Gary said he was singing the Foo Fighters ''My Hero'' since he had just heard it last night.
Howard said he didn't say anything but he needs that time to get his work ready. He said he had to shush him and JD when they were standing there making noise. Howard said he heard a beautiful rendition of ''My Hero'' from Gary. Fred did his Gary impression and said tomorrow he'll do another Foo Fighters song. Howard said all week he'll be there doing Foo Fighters songs.
Gary was wondering why Howard would humiliate him in front of everyone instead of just doing it before the show started.
Howard said that those guys were really Mark and Howard and not Flo and Eddie. Howard said they came up with a couple of characters. Howard said they still do their comedy stuff and they're still good. Howard said he liked Flo. They used to work with them over at K-Rock. Howard said Flo was living in a van by the radio station. He said it drove Tom Chiusano crazy.
Howard read some more email. He had some feedback about Paul Giamatti. He said some people complained that he wasn't there for very long. Howard said he had to move along. Howard said he got the same from people about Billy Joel.
Howard said that he got some email about Dr. Laura and how she's already on Sirius XM. He said that he's also heard that she's coming there and being complimentary about him. He said he doesn't want a nice Dr. Laura there. Howard said that she's in the paper too and the picture can't possibly be her. Howard said she looks 25 years old in this picture. Howard said they might be air brushing her pictures. Howard said if he showed that picture to 100 Dr. Laura fans none of them would recognize her. He said she's an older woman.
Howard read about how Dr. Laura is saying nice things about him. Howard said that she's said she's found a place where she can have freedom of speech without limits and she likes that they have people like Howard Stern and Opie and Anthony there. Howard read that she's saying she won't work blue. Robin said she won't work blue except using the N-word.
Howard said that he'd like to know how she's going to like the gay channel. Howard said he hopes that she comes in there to do an interview. He said he'd love to get her in there.
Howard played a news clip where they talked about Dr. Laura moving to Sirius XM and they mentioned his name with her's. They were saying ''Like Howard Stern...'' when they said she had gotten into trouble for what she had said on the air. Howard said that isn't the same thing. He was going to argue about it but gave up after a few words and said it wasn't worth it.
Howard said he loves when they do stuff cool like this there but they only have 1,400 seats. Howard said they must have shelled out some serious dough to Paul McCartney to do this show. He said that the tickets are so valuable and in demand that they can't get that many people in there. Howard said the sound is going to be great. He wondered if it'll be safe up in Harlem. Robin said as long as he's inside he'll be fine.
Howard said that most of the tickets are going to subscribers. He said that all of the clients would grab them if they didn't give them away.
Howard played some audio of Sal going out and interviewing some people in Harlem about Dr. Laura using the N-word. He had a bunch of guys complaining about her and calling her names as well. They were talking about her being a Jew and how the Jews don't spread the wealth.
Howard said he loves that they're doing this concert to celebrate their 20 millionth subscriber. Robin wondered if that subscriber will be there. Howard said he's not sure. Robin said he should be.
Howard said that he didn't realize that they used the name on Seinfeld and he didn't know that anyone would care that much about it. Howard said he's not sure his father can even hear him when he talks to him now.
Howard said his mom can't hear very well either. He said that his mom seems to be annoyed with the whole thing. He said that she doesn't like being left out of things and she thinks that she's not being talked to when she is. Howard said she has told him that she doesn't want to wear anything in her ear but that's the only way she's going to hear. Howard said she hates medical science but she's at the doctor every 3 days. Howard said she thinks it's not natural to have a hearing aid in so she won't wear one. She will wear glasses though. Howard said she's not very consistent.
Howard said his mother forced him to talk to his father about getting a hearing aid. He said she forced him into it but she won't wear one herself.
Howard said he told his mom she has to wear a hearing aid but she thinks she can hear enough. Robin said the problem is that they can't distinguish voices in a group. Howard said that there's a lot of ''huh'' and other noises coming out of those two.
Howard said it was very emotional at Thanksgiving too. He said that his mom has gotten very emotional as she's gotten older and she's saying that getting old isn't for wimps. Howard said his father is like 87 or something crazy like that. He said Pat trains his parents every week and he was telling him how frail he's gotten. Howard said he felt like he was eating a lot of food on Thanksgiving. He said the guy is 87 and he's having a blast eating. Robin said that sugar isn't good for him. Howard said he doesn't eat it all the time. Howard said Pat told him that he's actually in great shape for his age when he told him that he's 87.
Robin said that she was talking to someone about getting old and they say it's like being in a tent and the tent just gets older and falls apart as you get older.
The caller said that this is a sign that Howard won't be coming back. Howard said that has nothing to do with it. He said that it's hypocritical for her to work there but he's not going to keep her from getting a job. Howard said there may be a lot of people who enjoy Dr. Laura and if they subscribe then it's good that they're hiring her. Howard said he'd be fine with them hiring Hitler to work there if he brought in an audience.
The caller asked if they're going to be taking time off at the start of the year. Howard said he may have to call the guy to do the show if he doesn't have a place to work. The caller said that would be cool. Howard asked the guy if he wanted to come down and see the McCartney concert. The caller, Mark from Boston, said that he would love that. Howard asked if he'll take Toni, his hair dresser. He said he would. Howard said the guy deserves it because he's been a long time subscriber.
Robin said she just lost 100 bucks on Howard. She asked if he's really going to show up to this show on a week night. Howard said he can't miss this show. He said he heard that he might go long that night so he's already neurotic about it. He said he'll just take a nap and then take some Ambien at the end of the concert. He said he'll go right to bed when he gets home.
Howard said this stuff that we've learned isn't going to fuck up anyone. He said that they may prosecute the guy who owns WikiLeaks. He said that the kid who stole it might be responsible too but no one even knows who it is.
Howard said that it's ridiculous that no one is held responsible for letting these secrets out. He said that they blame it all on the kid who stole it but not the people who allowed it to happen.
Howard said that the Saudi's are upset about some of the releases because they liked Saddam Hussein. He said that Iran is now running Iraq and that's why they liked Hussein. Howard said that he was the last bastion of hope in that area and now he's gone.
Howard said Joe Boots says he's wrong about WikiLeaks. Joey was on the phone and said that it was actually a soldier that downloaded all of this stuff. He said that the guy who owns WikiLeaks lives in Sweden and he's an Australian guy. Howard asked Joey how the guy got that information. Joey said he was an analyst and he had access to that stuff.
Howard said they have a system there that has a lot of information but only about 4 people can access it. Gary said anyone can print it though. He said that you can copy and paste it and then save it. Howard said it can't be saved. Howard said he doesn't care if someone copies his logs though. Gary said that after 9/11 they had to share information and this guy had access.
Jason came in and said that they can't even print the logs they have there. He said that there's no way to get it out. Howard said their system is completely tight.
Joey said this stuff is going to be really embarrassing to this country. He said they have notes about how the President of Saudi Arabia was telling them to bomb Iran. That stuff is embarrassing to this country. Howard said he likes that some of this stuff is coming out.
Joey said he did another Booey Bomb in front of Bloomingdales. He said he has it on his web site if people want to see it. You can check it out at JoeyBoots.com.
Howard played the clip and said that he saw the video and Joey is very relaxed while he's yelling out Baba Booey over and over. In the clip a female reporter is getting ready to show the Bloomingdales holiday display and then Joey walks into frame and starts saying ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Howard Stern's penis!''
Howard said that report was completely innocuous because they weren't allowed to look at the windows. Howard said Bloomingdales is dying to get free advertising. Joey said that he was like one of the only people on the sidewalk and they were the only news outlet there. Howard said they must be an advertiser on that channel. Joey said it was product placement.
Joey said when he's doing this he has his camera with him and he does a behind the scenes thing for it that he has online. Howard said Joey is staying busy. Joey got in a plug for his web site again and Howard let him go.
Howard said he was watching that clip and wondered what kind of news that was. He said they had nothing to report at all. Howard said if they have something to show then show it. He said they don't have to tease something like that.
Robin asked if they were going to see George Takei before the end of their thing there. Gary said he's coming in next week. Howard said they'll get to say goodbye to George.
Will came in and said that KC said he wasn't feeling well and he might be having a nervous breakdown. He said that he started singing some Lamb of God and that's when he put him on hold. Howard said that KC is having some kind of break down or something. He said it might be PTSD... Post Tranny Syndrome Disorder.
Howard listened to KC singing along to the Lamb of God music and said that's why they had to get that guy out of there. Howard tried to get KC's attention but the music was blasting and KC was just singing along. There was no way he was going to hear that.
Howard asked Will if there was any way to get his attention. Howard asked if anyone was driving by KC and saw him doing this. He said it sounds like full nervous breakdown mode. Howard said the guy was a star football player at one point. He said he had to give up. He wasn't able to get his attention.
Howard tried over and over to get his attention but it wasn't working. At one point it sounded like he was about to pick up but he didn't. Howard wanted to know what song that was. He said Richard would probably know what it is.
Howard said if he leaves radio then this is what all of his staff will sound like. He said that they're all going to have nervous breakdowns. Howard put KC on hold. Will said that he'd pick up once in a while to see how he's doing.
Andrea said she needs help and she can't do this herself. Howard said Dr. Laura is coming there and maybe she'll help. He said maybe Dr. Drew will help her out. Andrea said that's who she's been calling. Howard said that she does want help.
Andrea said she needs to do this for her daughter. She said her daughter sent her a card saying that she's thinking of her. She read the card to Howard and said she can't keep doing this anymore. Howard asked what she's addicted to. Andrea said it didn't matter and asked what she's not addicted to. Howard asked Andrea if the plate in her head motivated her to stop doing drugs.
Andrea said she thought that someone would love her but she's going to die if someone doesn't help her. She said she doesn't have the money to get there. Howard said he'll have Gary call Dr. Drew for her.
Gary said there are two free or low cost rehab centers in Georgia. Andrea said she wants to go to the Pasadena Recovery Center. She said if she doesn't kill herself then someone else will kill her. She said she just can't be there. Gary said he's laughing but only because she and KC had sex and now they're both breaking down.
Andrea asked if she has to commit suicide to get their attention. She said she's begging for their help. Robin asked how they got into this. Howard said he'll have to give her over to Wendy Williams who may be able to help her. He said that she's got a whole thing set up. Howard said he has Wendy and Ozzy Osbourne both coming in today. He said that Ozzy is helping people out too.
Gary said that they want Andrea to get better but there are other places she can go to. Andrea said people want her dead there where she lives so she has to get out of there. She said she has to go to Pasadena Recovery Center. She said they need a $1,000 deposit and then another 5 grand when she gets there. Howard said that he can't do much for her other than put her in touch with Dr. Drew. Gary asked what happened to all of her bags and stuff. Gary told her to sell all of that stuff. Andrea said that she can't do that because she'll never get enough money.
Andrea said that she's begging them for help and she can't do this alone. Howard put her on hold and said that Gary would try to sort things out.
Yucko said that he's flattered but he's been hurt and he's not ready for a relationship. Howard said that this is really weird with everyone there breaking down like this. Howard said people are always asking for stuff from the show. Howard said he's the only one who can help apparently.
Howard picked up on KC again but he was still singing to the music. Howard said he's not sure if he's even there. Howard said maybe he'll come out of it. Howard said the sad thing is that he could still get laid more than him. Howard said that any chick would sleep with KC over him. He said he had to take a break.
Howard came back and said that Wendy Williams was there. He said that she's got her own TV show and she was just renewed through 2012. Howard said she's very outspoken. Howard had her come in and said that she's lost some weight. Howard said it's a big improvement. She thanked him for that. Howard said her face looks good too. He asked if she had some work. She said she didn't. Wendy said her boobs weren't touched either. Howard said she's got some big titties.
Howard asked Wendy to take off some clothes but she said her husband was in the other room. Howard asked her about her husband cheating on her and how she got over that. She didn't really get to answer. Wendy said that she has pictures from the last time she was on and her hair was too blonde back then. Howard asked if she's bald under that wig. She said that she's not quite bald.
Howard asked Wendy if she has cellulite. She said she didn't but then she does have some. She said she had a tummy tuck done after her child was born. Howard told her to strip down so he can see it. She said she's not uptight and she loves her body but she's not going to show him.
Howard asked if she's going to lose more. She said that she wouldn't mind losing another 5 or 10. Howard told her to lose 15 and she'd be smokin' hot. Wendy said she gained 100 pounds when she got pregnant. She said that she was up to 297 pounds while she was pregnant. Howard said he wouldn't be attracted to her then either. She said that's why her husband may have stepped out on her.
Wendy said that she's down to about 175 and she's 5'11'' tall. Howard said that she has to get down to 145. He told her that she has a great face. Howard said maybe she should stay around 160 if she's staying married.
Howard asked about the husband cheating again and if he's done with that. Wendy said he isn't cheating anymore. Wendy had some wild stuff going on when she was on her radio show. She said that's all over and all of the threats are done. Wendy said that they had a lot going on back then.
Howard asked if she trusts her husband now. Wendy said she does. Howard asked if she wanted a free pass to go out and fuck someone too. She said that's not what it's like. She said she didn't have to do that. Howard said Beth has told him that she would do that to him if he cheated on her. He said she told him that she'd go out and fuck his worst nightmare.
Howard asked Wendy if she's only slept with her husband since they met. She said that is the case and they've been together for 16 years.
Howard asked why she made her titties so big. She said that she's big and it balances her out. Robin said that's what they do when you're big. She said that she has a broad chest so they made them big. Wendy said that she has had the implants replaced but with the same size. Howard asked how her nipples are. She said they're nice. Howard said if she lost more weight then she'd have to bring the size down. She said she's not going to lose a lot more. She said if she lost 10 more then it would be off for like 2 months.
Howard asked Wendy if she exercises. She said she does. She also watches her diet and stays active. Howard said he thought she was a coke head for a while. She said that was her drug of choice back in the day. She told Howard that she was still able to function when she was on coke. She said that she had the radio show back then.
Howard said Wendy was in tears when she saw Whitney Houston on Oprah talking about her coke addiction. She had blamed Bobby Brown for her addiction though. Wendy got upset about that and cried over it. Howard asked how she got rid of her problem. Wendy said she met Kevin, her husband, and she decided that she liked him and she liked her life so she stopped. She said that she cut down and eventually quit. She didn't need to go into rehab or anything.
Howard asked if she drank or anything like that. Wendy said she can still drink. She said that she doesn't need to do coke anymore though. Howard asked if she would do a little coke if he asked her to in bed. She said she wouldn't do it.
Howard said he's looking at her mouth and she looks like she likes to blow a guy. Wendy said that she's a well rounded woman. She said she likes to have fun. She said she doesn't like to ruin anyone else's high or anything like that.
Howard asked Wendy how many seasons of her TV show she's done. She said she's in the middle of her second season. She said people didn't think it would last that long. She said she's on at 10am there in New York. She said that they do well enough to get another season of the show. Wendy said you can find out times for her show in your area at WendyShow.com.
Howard asked Wendy when she likes to go to bed. She said she likes to be in bed before the sun goes down. She said she tapes early in the morning and they produce the show for her so she doesn't have to do all that much. She said they brief her on what they're doing as they're putting her make up on.
Howard asked if they turn down any guests. Wendy said that they will turn people down or rework them for another time. Howard said it must be easier to have a whole team helping her out doing the show like that. Wendy said she knows that she could go back on radio and do that again if she had to. She said that radio is her first love.
Howard said he made fun of Wendy for getting so excited about getting into the National Radio Hall Of Fame. Howard said it's just some douche bag in Chicago who has the hall of fame in his basement. Wendy said she can't say a thing about that. She said that there is no radio hall of fame without Howard part of it. Howard said there's no way he would be part of it even if the guy asked him to. Wendy cried when she was nominated. Wendy said she was emotional at the time. Wendy said she keeps the award next to the picture of her and Howard at her house. She said the plaque is very nice and not intrusive. She said it's glass and it's a pair of headphones around the word Radio and it says her name. She keeps it with her headphones that she wore for 10 years.
Howard said he's not making fun of it but he finds the whole Radio Hall of Fame thing to be ridiculous. Howard told her to take it and throw it out. Howard said he doesn't think she needs it. He told her to send it back to Bruce Dumont. Wendy said she's not sending it back. Howard figured they weren't real tears. Wendy said she's a good crier and she gets emotional about a lot of things.
Howard asked Wendy about growing up in a white neighborhood and what that was like. Wendy said it can be tough. She said that she was bullied and called the N-word. She said that it wasn't regularly but there was always the ''black overcast.'' Wendy said her parents were teachers and they raised them in a great neighborhood. She said that she never wanted for anything because they always had what they needed. Howard asked if any white guys tried to have sex with her. She said she never went to prom or anything. She said her parents always led her to think she was fat so that didn't help. Wendy said she didn't have boyfriends so that's why she didn't go to prom.
Wendy said she would go to black neighborhoods and be called ''white girl.'' She said that's what inspired her to do what she does now. Howard asked if the people who weren't nice to her back in the day try to befriend her now. She said that they do. She said she doesn't have time for that though. Wendy said she has a full life and a full career so she doesn't have time to friend people.
Howard asked Wendy about her wig and if it gets all gummy. She said that they're great these days. She said they're light and airy. Wendy said that she doesn't like the spray on her hair so that's why the wig is so nice. Howard asked if Kevin is ever shocked when he sees her without the wig on. She said he's fine with it. Howard asked if she takes the wig off when she has sex. Wendy said that she keeps it on sometimes. Howard asked if he's ever blown a load in a wig. She said that things have gotten into her wig.
Howard said that Wendy is really putting herself together. He asked if it was true that they asked her to tone down and cover up more on her show. Wendy said that she looked around and noticed that other morning show women were very covered up. She said that she has a wardrobe person who gets her clothes and she doesn't like to look frumpy. She said that she wants to be sexy and look that way on TV. Howard asked if she does botox. Wendy said she does a little bit. Howard said he thinks she looks good and doesn't look fake. Wendy said that she has pressure behind her eyes so she has to do things to keep her eyes from popping out. She said she has to squint like she's looking through smoke. Howard said that's great that she can control that. She has Barbara Bush eyes but she can control it.
Howard asked Wendy who they wanted her to tone down for. Wendy said that they wanted her to tone down for middle America. She said she thinks that she's perfect for middle America because she is middle American.
Wendy said Howard has really good hair. Howard said he doesn't color it and he's 56. Wendy said Gary has more grey than Howard. Howard said that he sees pictures of himself and they're shocking. Wendy said she gets the same way. She said that she thinks she looks fine in person but some cameras don't capture that.
Wendy told Howard that Beth is a great person and she thinks that she's going to announce that she's pregnant soon. Howard said that's not going to happen. He said that he's too old to be chasing kids around. Wendy said she loves her kids and she loves chasing them around.
Howard said he thinks that he'd want Wendy to keep the wig on if he was having sex with her. He said he's not having sex with a bald Barbara Bush. He said she'd have to keep squinting. Howard said she's actually looking good and she has nice teeth. Wendy said that all of them are her teeth too. Wendy said she had her silver fillings taken out so they're all white now. Wendy said she can laugh without worrying.
Howard said that Wendy had a problem with Omarosa and hated her. Wendy said she didn't hate her. She said that Omarosa is pregnant with the guy from The Green Mile's baby. Wendy said she's having the time of her life right now and she loves doing her show.
Robin asked Wendy about having Larry King on her show and why she didn't bring up the tabloid stuff. Wendy said that she had him on his birthday and they showed a picture of him and his kids with his wife and she tried to bring it up but they didn't get into it. Wendy said that Larry made a sex and Viagra joke but that was it. Wendy said she asked Larry about Piers Morgan taking over for him and things like that. Howard said that it must have been killing her not to ask about the wife cheating with the coach and things like that. Howard said she must have wanted to tell Larry he looks like a snail and he's with this young woman. Wendy said she didn't want to say that. Howard told her she should have marched out Larry's first six wives. He said he'd love to produce her show.
Howard said he wishes her luck with her show. Wendy asked what she should do if Howard leave Sirius. He told her to cancel her subscription if he leaves. He said it's very simple. Wendy asked what he's going to do. Howard said he'll either make a deal there or go somewhere else with that kind of freedom. He said there are other ways to do his show. He said that he'll either do that or sit home and do a show on the phone with Robin.
Wendy told Howard that she'd love to sit home and do nothing. She said that she can't do that because she doesn't have the money. Howard said that Rosie O'Donnell did that but now she's coming back. Howard said he pictures Wendy with a lot of dough. Wendy said she does very well. Howard asked what her dream is. Wendy said she'd like to amass enough money to sit home and do nothing. Howard asked when she'd like to retire. She said 55. Howard said that he's 56 and he'd like to do that too. Howard said he read that Ozzy has $175 million and Sharon still has him going out to work. Wendy said that she is not a workaholic. She said she has a nice house. It's not quite 10,000 square feet.
Howard asked how much it would cost to maintain her lifestyle. She said she does like shoes and things like that. She said that she has a nice home. She does have a house down in Florida. Wendy said they have a really nice life.
Howard asked Wendy if she'll go out to eat and take her panties off. She said she doesn't do that in a restaurant. Howard said he bets that Larry King does that. Howard told her to give him her panties now. Wendy just said ''Oh Howard...'' Howard gave her some more plugs for her show and wrapped up with her. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Ozzy Osbourne come in. Howard said that Ozzy's hair still looks good. Ozzy said that he's glad he still has it. Howard asked if he would have gotten a toupee. Ozzy said no way. He said that some look good but many of them look like 60 year old guys with a 12 year old wig. Howard said it has to be a bummer to lose your hair as a rock star. Ozzy mentioned Little Steven and how he wears that babushka.
Howard said he was reading some notes about Ozzy and he was drinking 4 bottles of Hennessey a day at one point. Ozzy said he didn't have time for a hangover back then. Ozzy said he got fed up with it and so did everyone around him.
Howard said Ozzy seems to be a happy guy now but what was driving him to be such an addict back then. Ozzy said that he's not sure. He said he used to go to therapy and they wanted to give him bottles of pills so it was just one addiction for another.
Howard read about how many pills he used to take. Ozzy said that he would go shopping at the pharmacy. Howard said Ozzy is a health freak now. He watches what he eats. Ozzy said he watches it go down.
Ozzy told Howard he was doing a show up in Canada and there was a block of kids with their arms folded. He said he threw a bucket of water on them and they still stood there. He said he called and asked them to be removed and they told him that they were deaf. Howard asked why a deaf person would go to a rock show. Ozzy said they can apparently feel the rhythm or something.
Howard asked Ozzy why he's still out playing. Ozzy said Sharon has him doing it. He said the band he's with now is awesome. Ozzy said that it was time to change so he and Zakk Wylde went their separate ways. He said that Zakk is doing great with his band and they're fine. He said that it was just time to move on. Ozzy said that he doesn't think that Zakk was upset that they split up. He said their relationship was much deeper than music.
Howard asked Ozzy if the new band is intimidated by him. Ozzy said they have great fun. He said he does a 2 1/2 to 3 hour set now. Howard told him to have Sharon go out and work. Ozzy said it's a great way to get out of the house.
Howard asked Ozzy if he was approached to be a judge on American Idol. He said he wasn't and he's not upset about it. He said that he saw Steven Tyler the other day and he's doing it for the money so that's fine. He said it's just another gig. Ozzy said he could never do that because he can't tell a kid who has never been on stage before that he sucks.
Howard asked Ozzy how it is in the music business now. Ozzy said that he never thought that it would go the way it has. He said that it's not easy to sell an album now. He said that the days of ''Thriller'' are over. He said it was great in the days when you had an album sleeve and things like that. He said the whole business has lost its edge.
Howard said that Ozzy can still make a living but it must be tough for people starting out. Ozzy said it's all smoke and mirrors now. Howard asked if he likes anything new. Ozzy said he doesn't really listen now. He said it's pretty much old music just rehashed.
Howard asked Ozzy about something Vince Neil said about him. He said that Vince wrote about why he was pissed off at Sharon for running their fun when they were on the road. Ozzy said that he wasn't very nice.
Howard asked Ozzy about John Lennon. Ozzy said that he met Paul McCartney there on Howard's show for the first time. He said he's seen him a bunch of times since then and he's a great guy. Howard said that John Lennon just created beauty and art and some shit head came along and shot him. Ozzy said he remembers where he was the day Kennedy got shot and where he was when Lennon got shot. He said that all Lennon ever did was give people a better attitude. He said he never got to meet him. He said he has met his son though. Howard asked if he's for the death penalty for Mark David Chapman. Ozzy laughed and said he'd shoot the asshole.
Howard asked Ozzy if he has any guns. Ozzy said that he would probably shoot himself if he had one. Ozzy said that he's not sure he could use one. Ozzy said that he'd probably kill the guy and then he's not sure how he'd feel if he did. Ozzy said he actually does have guns but he doesn't want to use them. Ozzy said that his son wanted him to have one by his bed and they wanted it unloaded. He said that Sharon and Jack got on his case about it. He said that they wanted him to get a gun and then Sharon came sneaking into the room one night. He said he could have shot her.
Howard asked Ozzy if he has ever gone to a shooting range. Ozzy said he has and he thought he didn't need headphones on. He said he shot them without them on and it's like shooting a cannon next to your head. He said his son has a lot of guns. Ozzy aid that one of his girlfriend's broke up with him and ripped the place up. He said that if she had known where his guns were she could have shot him.
Howard said Jack gets laid a lot. He said that Jack and Kelly both told him that. Howard said he's getting model types too. Ozzy said he's actually jealous. Howard said those are actually Ozzy's girls so he should be banging them. Ozzy said he's going to be 62 next week so he can't be doing that.
Howard said that Kelly went on Dancing with the Stars and she had lost a lot of weight and had a total change of attitude. Ozzy said that she's a hard working girl. Howard asked if he was shocked that she was whipped into shape. Ozzy said that it was Kelly who said that she wanted to change so it wasn't so much the TV show.
Howard asked Ozzy if it bothers him that he's a grandfather now. He said he doesn't mind it and the kids call him Grandpa Ozzy. Howard said he should have them calling him the prince of darkness. Ozzy said he was on a bus one time when Jack was like 5. He said someone thought that was his grandchild. Ozzy said it happens to them all eventually.
Howard said he was surprised that his daughter Amy never did the TV show. Ozzy said she just didn't want it. He said she's got a great voice and he wishes that she'd do something with it. Howard asked if they have so much money that they don't want to go out and do anything. Ozzy said that the kids won't take it from him.
Howard said he read that Ozzy is worth $175 million and he'd like to know why he's out on the road. Ozzy said he'd like to know why he's on the road too. Ozzy said that someone must be lying about what he's worth.
Howard said he read that Elton John spends like a million bucks a year on flowers alone. They talked about him for a short time. Hoard said that Billy Joel was on the show recently talking about going out on the road with Elton and how he has outfits and stuff and Billy just travels with t-shirts. Ozzy said that Elton has like 5,000 pair of glasses. Ozzy said he has maybe 2 or 3 hundred. He said the guy is the most generous man he's ever met too. Howard said that they say that Elton has to go out and tour to support his lifestyle. Ozzy said that he's been nothing but a gentleman to him and his family.
Howard asked Ozzy if he's always admired Elton. Ozzy said he has. He said that Sharon has known him for many years. He said Elton is very cool to be around too. Howard asked what they talk about. Ozzy said that's a good question. He said they'll have dinner together and things like that. He said Elton has properties all over the place. He said that they've slept at his home. Howard said he must talk about something. Ozzy said they chit chat about the weather and things like that. He said he doesn't feel pressured to keep the conversation going.
Howard asked Ozzy if he's difficult to work for. Ozzy said no but Howard heard that he's fired his assistant like 5 times. Ozzy said that he'll get pissed off at Tony and he'll fire him. He said that he's been working for him for about 30 years though. Howard asked if he lives in the house with him. He said he doesn't. He said that he's like his personal assistant. He said he gets him on the plane, gets him hotel rooms and things like that.
Robin asked if Ozzy carries money on him. Ozzy said he does and pulled out a wad of money. Ozzy said that he'll fire Tony and then ask him to get him a cup of coffee. He said he'll just tell him he's re-hired.
Howard asked Ozzy if he keeps his own schedule. Ozzy laughed and said ''Me?'' He relies on Tony to keep all of that straight.
Howard said that Ozzy has a new album out (Scream) and you don't see that from everyone. He said Billy Joel doesn't want to put out another new album. Ozzy said that the business is different now and it's tough to sell a million records. He said that you have to do a lot to do that.
Howard told Ozzy about the documentary he saw on Harry Nilsson and how self destructive that guy was. Howard said that could have been Ozzy. Ozzy had Sharon though. Ozzy said that he remembers seeing Harry once over at Ringo's house and it was shortly before he died. He said the guy looked like a mess and he had these phenomenal songs out. Howard said it was very sad that he was so self destructive.
Howard said even in Ozzy's insanity he still knew to stay with the winning formula. Ozzy said that Sharon knew the business side of all of that so she was great for him. Howard said it must be tough to have a manager for a wife. Ozzy said that it can be tough at times.
Howard asked Ozzy about Harry Nilsson and what it was like being at Ringo's place. Ozzy said it was actually at one of the guys from Ratt's house and Harry had showed up with Ringo. He said Harry looked really tired at the time.
Ozzy said that he knows guys who did one hit of a drug and it killed them. He said that he never got into the heroin thing. Howard and Robin asked if he had never even tried it. Ozzy said of course he tried it. He said he got sick so he didn't keep doing it.
Howard asked Ozzy if he would have fucked Madonna back in the day. Ozzy said no but everyone else did. Howard gave Ozzy some plugs for his new album ''Scream'' and for some upcoming gigs he has in the area.
Howard asked if Ozzy's kids come to his concerts. Ozzy said that he has to be kidding. He said they think of it as a joke. He said that would be like going to a Tony Bennett concert for them.
Robin read about a guy who was at Ozzy's place doing an article and he saw Sharon coming in with all kinds of new clothes and shoes while he was sitting there. Howard said that he's told Sharon to let Ozzy retire already. Ozzy said that those concerts keep him going.
Howard asked Ozzy if he has seen Rod Stewart lately. Ozzy said that he could never do that kind of thing. He said that would be a mockery.
Howard said you can find out more about Ozzy's upcoming gigs at Ozzy.com.
Howard asked Ozzy about doing this song for Yoko Ono. Ozzy covered the John Lennon song ''How?'' so Howard played some of that. Ozzy said that Yoko had asked him to cover it for an Amnesty International album that they were doing. Ozzy said he loved the Beatles so he had to do it. He said Paul McCartney has done so many great songs. Ozzy said that every one of his songs is better than the next.
Howard asked Ozzy how he gets that sound that he gets with his voice. Ozzy said that he double tracks it. He was shushing Howard when he asked how he does it. Ozzy said he sings along to a track of himself singing. He said he's not sure how Lennon did it back in their time.
Howard had some of Ozzy's new song ''Let It Die'' from his new album. Howard really seemed to like it. He said he was knocking him out with that song. Howard let that song play through a bit. Howard said that's Ozzy's new band.
Howard asked Ozzy how he ended up at the Jon Stewart rally. Ozzy said that was Sharon. He said that they have this gene thing that he was doing and he went from a convention in San Diego to Washington and then to New Orleans the same night. Howard said Ozzy wants to be treated like a rock star but Sharon keeps pushing him to do all of this stuff. Howard said he must be angry at Sharon. Ozzy said that it doesn't quite work like that. Howard told him he needs a new manager. Ozzy asked who would manage him.
Howard said Ozzy gets roped into all of this and then he complains to Sharon that he's doing too much. Ozzy said that most of the time he doesn't look forwarded to it but then he does it and it's fine. Howard said he saw Ozzy in a picture with Cat Stevens, now known as Yusef Islam, at some event. Ozzy said he used to like him when he was normal. Howard told Ozzy he has to take over his life and not do those kind of appearances.
Ozzy said that one day Sharon borrowed 5 grand from him. He said that the next day she borrowed his credit card from him and spent 11 grand on it. He said that she hadn't spent the 5 grand in cash so she gave it back to him... so he figures he saved 5 grand and she only spent 6.
Howard asked if Sharon is a shopping addict. Ozzy said she is. Ozzy said that she will go through every god damn shirt in the world to find one. He said he'll just go right to a store, buy a shirt and he's out.
Howard said it's a crazy life that Ozzy is in. He said he read that he's doing a column for Rolling Stone magazine now. Ozzy said that he doesn't even know the stuff he's writing about. He said that he does write it but he has a writer helping him out with the information. He said he does know some stuff. Howard asked if he recommends an aspirin a day. Ozzy said he does. He said it helps thin your blood.
Howard said that Ozzy has gone from 4 bottles of Hennessey a day to being a doctor. Ozzy said that he never thought he'd be doing that either.
Howard asked Ozzy who he would fuck if Sharon gave him a free pass. Ozzy said he's not that kind of guy and there are no women that he thinks about that way. He said he will see attractive women out there but he doesn't say he wants to fuck them.
Howard said that Ozzy will never do a Christmas album. Ozzy started to sing some ''White Christmas'' and Howard joined in on that. Howard gave him some more plugs, wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and asked Fred what he had played. Fred told him what song it was since he had missed it. Howard had him replay some of that so he could hear it. Howard said he's heard the song. He said he listens to the morning mash up there at Sirius. Howard said he runs into that Nicole chick once in a while. He said she's a good looking girl. He said he's pretty sure that anyone good looking can get a job there. He said they had an intern there that ended up getting a show on the Martha Stewart channel. Howard said that's the one thing that bugs him about satellite and internet radio. Anyone can do a show. He said when he was coming up you had to go out and get a job and get ratings.
Howard said he has some new boots on and he really likes them. He said that John Varvatos puts them out. He said he loves that guy's stuff.
Howard said this guy Dr. Frank Brady wrote a book about Bobby Fisher and the book is unfuckingbelieveable. He said he read that Fisher had a 188 IQ. Howard said that Bobby was 10 years old and he was going around calling out moves from his head without a board in front of him. Howard said that the book is called Endgame.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba the other day and the word is that he got kicked off the station in Miami. Howard said he was getting some more info from Ronnie about it. Howard said he asked Ronnie about it and Ronnie was hanging with Bubba in Miami. They were at some race car event and having a great time. He said that Ronnie thinks that Bubba is crazy so something really crazy must have gone on. Howard said Bubba is waiting to hear what's going on with him there at Sirius and what he wants to do.
Ronnie came in and said that Bubba has lost about 40 pounds and he's looking good. Howard said he must be obese still. Ronnie said he's not obese. He said that Bubba is doing cool and he had a $2 million tour bus he was on. He has his own plane too. Howard said Bubba is always working deals to get that stuff. Ronnie said he sends the plane to get his wife sometimes. He said that Bubba is doing awesome down there. He said he's got all kinds of shit going on down there.
Ronnie said that this bus Bubba had down there was amazing. He said they were doing the show from the race track so they did it from the motor home. He said it's like a friggin hotel. Ronnie said the bus is 2 million bucks and it looks nicer than people's houses inside. He said they have 2 bathrooms and beds and the sides expand and things like that. Howard asked if there's a pool. Ronnie said there isn't a pool.
Ronnie told Howard that Bubba did his last radio show from Miami that day. He said Bubba probably didn't know it was his last show there. Ronnie said it was really cool down there.
Howard said he never wheels and deals like Bubba does. Howard said he hates to impose on anyone. Ronnie said Bubba is great. He said he loves hanging out with the guy.
Howard said Ronnie is right and he's like that guy Sgt. Bilco. He said that he did the wheeling and dealing thing too.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba ranting about getting kicked off in Miami and he was using the wrong terms. Howard said Bubba was saying that Ron and Paul were ''doting'' on this Miami thing but he thinks he meant that they were gloating.
Robin pointed out that Ronnie is growing bigger side burns. Ronnie said he just hasn't gone for a hair cut. Howard said that's something that's a conscious decision. Ronnie said he's going for the mutton chops. Howard said Bubba must be growing them. Ronnie said he doesn't. Howard said it must be Brent then. Ronnie said he's clean shaved now.
Howard said he likes those guys. He said they're all good on the air. Ronnie said they're fun to hang out with too. Ronnie said Bubba always talks about Howard and he really appreciates that he gave him his life back.
Ronnie said that Bubba is building a new house down there. He said he's got a guy who flies his plane for him and all of that. Howard told Ronnie to go get a pilot's license.
Howard said he saw that a new Pootytang movie is coming out. Robin said the first one wasn't very good. Howard said he must have missed that one. JD said that it was okay. He said it's an old movie though. JD told Howard what the movie is about. Howard said it sounded good to him.
Howard said that the guy is a loyal fan. The guy broke down crying and thanked Howard for that. Howard told him to do that on the air. The guy said that they're his life and he loves the show. He said they're more than family. He said they're the one constant in his life. Howard told the guy that the concert is going to be great. He said only 1,400 people will be there. The guy said that he's going to send his parents and he won't even be going along. Howard said he can't get people tickets but he did have a few to give away on the show.
Howard said he's glad that they're doing this concert and giving away some tickets. Howard said he's going to be going with his daughter. He said he can't wait to see it. Howard said he had to say no to two of his daughters so that was tough.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it was very nice to give away those tickets to the caller. He said he doesn't think that Howard will be back on Sirius. He said that they already have 20 million subscribers and they've used him already. Howard said he will never bad mouth the company even if he doesn't stay there. Howard said they've been great while he's been there. Howard said he looks back on the past 5 years and he thinks that it's a huge accomplishment that they went from 600,000 subscribers to 20 million. Howard said that all of those years on terrestrial were wild and he doesn't think that anyone will do what he did. Howard said the accomplishment of tracking people and making it a bona fide business is incredible. He said he could leave there with a clear conscience. He said that everyone has done a great job while he's been there.
Howard said that if he does have to compete with them, let the games begin. Howard said he thinks the company is great and it's a great service. Howard said if he stays there for another 5 years then he has a plan in mind for them. He said he will do this on his own. He said the future is very unclear in terns of the technology that's coming down the line. Howard said he will blow people's minds with his plan when he does whatever it is he does.
The caller said that Robin is supposed to get on the Sybian after 20 million subscribers too. Robin said she never said that.
The caller said he lives near Steven Singer and he wondered if they had any gift certificates. Howard said he didn't. He let him go and then had Steve get to his news preview.
Steve said they have a story about Gary's sons talking about his book and not knowing that he was a bed wetter. He said that his son Jackson was also asking about what ''Mein Caps'' meant. Gary's son didn't know he had caps. Howard asked what's with the kids. Howard said that there's no way someone would see those teeth and not know they're fake. Howard said that's like the Elephant Man having kids and the kids saying they never noticed he had a trunk. Howard said those are some teeth Gary has. Howard said that shows he has a loving family.
Steve said they have a story about Jimmy Kimmel and how they had shelved the idea to have Robin throw a pitch. Then Mike Gange brought it up and they got the idea to do it again. Steve said they also have a story about a wine maker that appeared on a radio show there at Sirius who got a message from High Pitch Eric asking for some free wine. Gary said that Eric is back to his tricks asking for free stuff from the clients. He recently called Steven Singer and asked for some free stuff. Gary said that he was up at Foxwoods last week and Eric asked them for a free room. Howard said he puts a lot of work into all of that.
Steve said they have a story about Norm MacDonald talking about a sitcom he's working on with Sam Simon. He talked about that on Greg Fitzsimmons show last night. They also have news that Sirius has just surpassed 20 million subscribers.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the stuff they'd be covering today on the show.
Robin started her news with a story about the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. They spent a few minutes talking about how lame that always turns out to be. Howard said it didn't sound so lame this year. Then he suggested that they have Gary throw a snowball. He said that he'd watch if they did that. Fred played Gary's ''Baba Booey'' clip a bunch of times while Howard suggested that. Robin had some audio clips of some people who will be there at the lighting.
Howard mentioned this guy Steve Johnson who dropped a touchdown pass during a game and basically lost the game for their team. He said the guy tweeted to God after the game and complained that he's treating him like that. Like God is reading his tweets.
Howard said that he was so proud of that guy who shot his TV when Bristol Palin was still on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that he was right to be upset about that. He said that she was a horrible dancer. Robin read some news about her getting $345,000 for being on the show and now she's getting $35,000 to do speaking engagements. Howard said that's a lot of money to get for being on that show. Robin said there's also a deal in the works for Bristol to be a spokesperson for a clothing line. Howard asked if that sickens Robin. Robin said she's trying not to be sickened. Howard said the clothing line must be for fat chicks. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:10am, Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about Willie Nelson asking for the legalization of pot. Howard said he's with Willie.
Howard picked up on Miss Howard Stern who was complaining about how she's addicted to chocolate. It turned out to be Rachel Butera the voice impressionist. Howard said she's so good. Howard asked if Underdog Lady was there too. Rachel went into that impression and did that for a short time. She went back to her Miss Howard Stern impression after that. Howard asked how things were going for Rachel. She said they're pretty good. Howard said they have to do a special show before they leave there. Rachel said she's doing stand-up this Wednesday at Bar-Tini in New York City.
Howard read a story about how Ryan Seacrest is supposed to be getting a $60 million deal from Clear Channel this week. Howard said the guy puts no thought into that show at all and he makes a killing. Howard said he owns a bunch of TV shows and he's fucking one of the hottest chicks on the planet. Robin said ''Maybe...'' Howard said Robin thinks he's gay but he's not sure about that. Howard said he knows some chicks who claim they've fucked him so he thinks he might be straight.
Robin read some news about a family of 5 kids who were living in a house without heat or plumbing. They had no birth certificates or anything like that. They're going to have to be assimilated into normal life. Robin said the parents are being charged with child endangerment.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how that dog Ginger is doing. Howard said that a couple adopted the dog and they're in love with her. Howard said that they went in and met the dog and they bonded immediately. The wife wouldn't leave the dog's side while they filled out the paper work and stuff. The caller said that he was the one from Ohio who wanted to adopt the dog but he wasn't able to work it out.
The caller told Howard that he had some Bubba information. He said that they were starting to do really well in Miami when he started talking about some guy there and then all of a sudden they were fired.
Howard had Chad Diller on the phone. He does the John the Stutterer impression. Howard said that John the Stutterer won't do a show with him on Howard 101. Chad said he started getting nasty emails from someone who claimed to be the real John. Chad said it continued until this past week until he called the police and told the guy he had his IP address. Chad said the guy was saying that he hopes that he dies and stuff like that. Chad said he loves John so he's not sure why he won't do a show with him. He said that he's just doing an impression of him. Chad did some more of his impression and had him complaining about this guy Chad who wants to be him. Howard said that's some impression he does and he's not sure why John wouldn't like that.
Robin got back to her news and read about the North and South Korea battles that are going on and how North Korea is saying that it could lead to a full out war. Howard said that their little army looks funny when you see them marching. He said they have tiny little legs.
Robin read a story about a guy who died when he fell from his roof while stringing Christmas lights. Howard said it's so worth it to do that. He said it's so worth it to have the giant Flashing Jesus up there on the roof. He said he'd climb the most rickety ladder just to hang his lights.
Howard ended up playing some of Red Peters new Christmas song that he did with Margaret Cho. The song was ''Just a Little Blow Job.'' After that Howard played some audio of Sarah Palin talking about the North and South Korean war and making a mistake saying that we were allies with the North. Glenn Beck had to correct her on that.
Robin mentioned that Jay Leno had to apologize for stealing something on The Tonight Show. Howard said that he read about that and he stole some bit from a guy who put together a bit of Taylor Swift being surprised. Howard said he loves that Jay's show isn't doing well and everyone is despising him. Gary said that he's been losing to what Conan left behind and even to what Conan has at TBS. Howard asked how Conan is doing over there at TBS. Robin said he's down to like a 1 something rating. Howard said he likes Conan because he's not a shit like Jay.
Howard wondered if Conan is doing better than George Lopez was doing over there. Gary said that Craig Ferguson was beating Conan and Jeff Zucker was looking like an idiot when he signed Conan to replace Jay. Howard said that Craig is doing well and the guy has been around for a long time. He said that Ralph thinks that show is the funniest thing on TV.
Howard said that he was reading about how they're going to have James Franco and Anne Hathaway hosting the Oscar's this year. He said that some people were complaining that they weren't going to be able to react to the show like a comedian could but they have so many writers there that they don't have to worry about that.
Jon Hein came in and said that Conan is doing better than George Lopez was doing but it's slowly coming down. He said that he's over 2 million and George had about a million. He said that he number is coming down though. Howard said Craig Ferguson is a foreigner who had no experience and he's doing fine. Howard said Letterman put him on because he figured he wouldn't show him up. He said he's not sure why people have problems doing these shows. He said it's not that hard.
Robin read a story about a student who let his hostages go and then shot himself as the cops came in. Robin had some audio of some of the hostages talking about how they stayed alive. They spent a minute talking about that and Howard related that to growing up in Roosevelt. He said that he rode in a car pool with one kid who never said a word to him. He said he looked him up on Facebook and he looks like shit now. Howard said he must have been punished by God.
Robin read some news about Barbara Walters upcoming interview special that's coming up next week. She had some details about that. Howard said he's been asked to be a part of that 10 most fascinating special. He said his agent just said fuck that though. Howard said he likes his agent's attitude toward stuff like that. Howard said he doesn't want to do it and his agent thinks he's too good to do it so they're perfect together. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Robin read some news about a guy who left $124,000 on the roof of his car and lost it. Robin said the guy didn't trust banks so he was in the process of moving it. Robin said it took the guy a few hours to realize he lost it. He found the plastic bag he had it in when it was left on the roof of his car. The guy said that he hopes that someone will return it to him.
Robin read a story about controlled medications and how many young people have prescriptions.
Robin had some audio from Skating with the Stars where they were talking about Vince Neil skating. Robin had some other details about that show and how the contestants were doing.
Robin read about the movie Black Swan that's coming out this Friday. She had some audio of Barbara Hershey talking about working with Natalie Portman. Robin had some audio of Kirsten Dunst talking about a new movie she's in as well. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
Gary told David he loved his roast show on Comedy Central. David said the show is really great when it's uncensored. David said he was ''Hoffway'' out of there and he had to get going. Benjy asked why he thinks that the German thing was so big for him. David said something about what his name means and ran out of there. Benjy was trying to get some conversation going but David left.
Gary said that was a perfect Wrap up Show visit. He was in and out of there quickly and got in his plug. He said that he remembers putting in a request to have David on the show and getting turned down.
The guys said that they really never know who they'll run into there. They talked about how he used his last name in everything like saying that he was ''Hoffway'' out of there. Jon said it's annoying at first but then you just start laughing at it.
Jon said that Ozzy seems to love coming on the show. He's always out there working though. Gary wondered if he has to work. Jon said he must need the money or he wouldn't be out there so much. Jon said Sharon must be doing well though because she's all over the place doing shows too.
The guys talked about some of the stuff Ozzy and Howard talked about. Jon asked if Gary understood all of what he was saying. Gary said he thinks he got everything today and he sounded better today than he has in most of his other appearances.
Gary said when they were on terrestrial radio the garage guys were all from Ecuador but they all knew who he was and they freaked out when they saw him. He said that his kids know Ozzy from the reality show. He said if he says Ozzy then his kids yell out ''Sharon!''
Jon asked Gary about Ozzy's relationship with Howard. Gary said that he seems to get what it's all about and people are always asking Ozzy about when he's going to do the show again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the Ozzy interview was great. He said he also saw Gary at a book signing and he was great. He said that all of the women around him were talking about how good looking Gary was too. The guy had a story about going to see Tracy Morgan and the show was great for 30 minutes but then torture for the next 45. He said that he wore out his welcome after that. The guy said he's funny but he has to change his speed and tell some clean stuff in between the dirty stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he grew up in Connecticut and Randy Rhodes father was his music teacher. He said that's how he got to know of Ozzy. Gary said he thinks that Ozzy talked about Randy the last time he was there.
Gary said he found it funny that Howard asked Ozzy how he gets that doubled up voice thing going and Ozzy was shushing him like no one knew that he did that.
Jon said that Ozzy was talking about his relationship with Elton John and what a good guy he is. Jon said it must be tough to be friends with Ozzy. Gary said that it might not be as fun as it was 20 years ago. Jon and Gary talked about how Ozzy was talking about how he had to take control of his life again and he wants to do things for himself again.
Gary and Jon talked about Ozzy going to the Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert rally in Washington DC and he may not have known that he was even part of a bit. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what's up with Ronnie thinking that he's a big celebrity. He said that the way he was talking about Bubba was annoying. Ronnie came in around that time so Gary asked if he gets that a lot from people. Ronnie asked what the problem is. The caller said that Ronnie is just a limo driver. He's not a celebrity. Ronnie said he never said he was a celebrity. The caller said he's just down there sucking Bubba's dick. Ronnie said this guy doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jon asked if the caller's point is that he's a hanger on and he doesn't deserve to hang with guys like that. The caller said that's what it is. He said that Bubba only hangs with him because he's Howard's right hand man. The guy said he's not just going to hang out with limo drivers. Ronnie said that Bubba hangs out with his fans. Ronnie and the caller went back and forth insulting each other for a couple of minutes. Benjy asked if Gary makes the cut. The caller had hung up by then so he didn't get an answer.
Ronnie told the guys about the big tour bus they were staying in down there. Jon asked him about his sideburns and if that was someone else's idea. Ronnie said he just didn't bother getting a hair cut. Ronnie said he must be referring to the pregnant girlfriend.
Ronnie said he got there on Monday morning and Lisa G brought up the picture of him with the girl who was pregnant. Ronnie had no idea what she was talking about. The girl wasn't even pregnant. He said she was wearing jeans and a top and the girl's shirt had blown up a little bit from the wind and they thought she was pregnant because of that. Ronnie said they were at the race track on the top of the hauler and someone took the picture. Then they put it up on SternFanNetwork and said she was pregnant. Ronnie said he had no idea about the picture until Lisa asked him about it. Ronnie said she's not pregnant.
Gary said that he did a show on LX which is a local channel there and Lisa has this weird sense of reality. He said that she told him that he was competing against Mariah Carrey who was selling stuff on some shopping channel. He said that must be Lisa's NASCAR.
Benjy asked Ronnie if his girlfriend wants to have a kid. Ronnie said she doesn't. Benjy asked if they're in a monogamous relationship. Ronnie said he guesses that they are. Benjy asked if he's allowed to see other women. Ronnie said he's not going to answer that. He said that she's allowed to see other women though.
Benjy was trying to get more out of Ronnie but Jon said it was getting creepy. Gary said he could have watched that all day long.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he likes when Ozzy comes in by himself. He said he prefers him without Sharon. Gary said he likes to rotate it and have Sharon come in sometimes. He said they both bring something to the table.
Benjy asked the guy how he felt about Paul McCartney. The guy said he loves him. It sounded like he was going to give him the tickets. That wasn't the case, he was just teasing the guy.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks Ozzy's IQ has probably dwindled the past few years. Gary said that he's pitching an idea for the show where they'll try to find 4 celebrities to take IQ tests for the chance to get $25,000 for their charity. He thinks that he could find four people to do that. David Arquette and Jillian Barberie were two names that they brought up they think would participate. Mark McGrath was mentioned and so was Jeff Probst but Gary wasn't sure if Jeff would participate. Jon mentioned Sarah Silverman. Gary said she invited him and Fred to her birthday party but he can't make it. Fred is going though.
Jon got back to Ronnie's sideburns. Ronnie said he's not sure why people are so worked up over it. Jon asked why Howard thought that he was doing it because maybe someone like Bubba was doing it. Ronnie said he had them before he went to Florida. He said he's had them for like 3 weeks now.
The guys ended up talking about Gary's appearances and book promotion stuff. Gary said he actually postponed some stuff he was supposed to do today. He said that he was also wondering if he could do Stump the Booey on Jimmy Fallon's show. The guys basically talked him out of doing it since Howard might get upset if he did that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that the Wack Pack are breaking down lately since Jeff the Drunk called in and then Andrea called in and broke down. Gary said it does seem that way. They said that Wendy the Retard is another one but she calls in no matter what's going on with the show.
The guys talked about KC and his odd call today. Gary said that he can be out of his mind at times but then he can be kind of Andy Kaufman-esque. Gary said today it was very strange and that didn't seem very normal at all.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks Ronnie has had a successful life and these callers come off as jealous. Gary said he thinks there is a lot of jealousy there. He said that Ronnie has an enormous heart and he puts up that brave front on the radio. Jon said he gets his balls broken a lot on the show and people like to take their shots at him on the air.
The caller that was breaking Ronnie's balls earlier called in again. He said he was just breaking his balls. He said he wanted to comment on Gary and Bubba too. He said that Gary is a big part of the show so he deserves to hang out with Bubba. The caller said that Ronnie is just a limo driver that does security. He said he didn't mean to bust his balls as much as he did though.
Gary told the caller that Ronnie does seem to be a big fan of Bubba's and he has time to listen. He said that he doesn't see Bubba as a star fucker either and he gets why he'd want to hang out with Ronnie. He said Ronnie is fun to hang out with. The caller said the fans get the feeling that he just gets in because he's Howard's limo driver. He said he has busted Ronnie's balls before too and it's more about that than anything else.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up Robin's pitch on Jimmy Kimmel and he was saying that Robin had taken a bunch of steps forward before throwing it. He said that she didn't really throw the pitch.
Another caller asked Gary about why he was singing the song before the show today. Gary said that he was actually checking his throat to see if he was phlegm free and he had just heard that song in his car after listening to a segment of a special they have in the works and they had played Dave Grohl's performance of the song on the show.
A caller was talking about the ball busting they get there and how Howard should cut Gary a break when it comes to his book promotion. He said the guy has been there for Howard all these years and he should give him a break.
Another caller said he saw Gary at a book signing and he got up to the front and forgot everything he wanted to ask him. He said he saw his wife there and it was cool to see that he's just normal people. He said he gets why Ronnie gets to hang out with Bubba.
Jon asked the caller some questions about being a subscriber to Sirius and if he was a fan of Paul McCartney. The guy said he was a fan. They ended up giving him the tickets to the Paul McCartney concert. The caller sounded thrilled. They got in some more plugs for the contest that was still going on for fans to enter.
Jon asked if they think that Howard and Beth would have revenge sex if one cheated on the other. Benjy said that girls do it for revenge but guys do it just because they get to get laid.
Jon said that Wendy had also brought up how she was thinking Beth would have a kid soon. Gary said he thinks that ship has sailed and it won't happen. Jon asked Benjy if he thinks it would ever happen. Benjy said if he had to bet he would say that they would have a kid eventually.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she missed the Wendy Williams interview and wondered if Howard made fun of her for getting so excited about that radio hall of fame award. Jon said it did come up. The caller also said that she can understand why Beth wouldn't want to have kids. Jon said that you never say never with Howard. He said he would never get married again but he did. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they had coming up. Howard said he was being briefed on what was going on around there. The good news is that nothing is going on. He said Al Roker is going to stop by but he's only going to be there for a few minutes. Howard said he's a very busy man so he can only stay for a few minutes. Howard said he likes Al though.
Howard said Beth had a meeting with Al's production company the other day. He didn't elaborate. Howard said that Al has to do the weather so he has to get up at like 3 and go in to prepare. Howard said he does the weather on the early morning news and then does the Today Show and he was the host of the Christmas Tree lighting too. Howard said the guy never gets a day off. Howard said he even ran the marathon.
Howard said Al has written a second novel. He said that he works with another guy who helps him out. He said the guy has been around a long time though. Gary said he was actually coming in now. He has to be out by 6:40. Howard told Gary to bring him in when he's ready to go. Howard said his schedule is insane.
Howard had Al come in and started asking him some questions right away. He asked about the marathon and why it took him over 7 hours to complete. Al said he's not a runner. He said before March he wouldn't even run for a bus. He said he has a knee replacement and another arthritic knee so he can't run very well.
Howard asked if he was in pain during the run. Al said it wasn't that bad. He said people were amazed that it wasn't worse. Al has some kind of patch he puts on his knee and it seemed to be working. Al said he used that and something called Mobic.
Howard asked if he ran or did he walk. Al said that he wasn't moving at a fast pace but he was moving faster than walking. Howard said Robin stopped for bagels during the run. Al said he wasn't in it to win. He said he took pictures with people and enjoyed the run. Howard said he doesn't think that you can stop for food. Al said he knows people who stopped to get a beer.
Howard asked Al about his schedule and how he does it. Al said he gets up at 3:15 and he gets going with his weather at 6:15 on the Weather Channel.
Howard asked Al if he was goofed on for speaking proper English like Wendy Williams was. Al said he was goofed on for being fat and for having the name Albert. He said that he was kind of chunky back then. He said the talking didn't cause him any problems.
Howard asked Al if he can believe how long he's lasted. Al said that people are shocked. Al said that he yelled at his daughter the other day and she said ''I wish America could see this Al Roker...'' Howard said that's pretty funny. Al said he almost did a spit take when he heard that. He tried not to laugh.
Howard said that he doesn't believe that Al doesn't watch porn but he claims he doesn't. Al said he doesn't have time. He said he gets up at 3:15 and goes right to work. Al said he does his thing at the Weather Channel and then goes to the Today Show. He said he's done at 10am.
Last night Al did the Christmas Tree lighting too. Howard said there was a screw up last night on that special. Howard said he saw some of that and the girl who was hosting was hot. He said that they ran the Boys 2 Men track when they were done singing and it showed they weren't really singing. The host was singing too. He said she was really singing and then the Boys 2 Men track came up with them singing too. He said he thinks that people know that they don't really sing. Howard asked if someone will get fired over that. Al said he doesn't think so. Things happen.
The Howard 100 feed went down around 6:15. There was dead silence for a minute and then music started playing. It wasn't clear what was going on.
Howard was back on a couple of minutes later. Al asked who was going to get fired for that. Scott the Engineer came in and said that they don't know what happened. He said that something in the board there wasn't going out. They were back though. Howard said they threw Sirius Hits 1 on when they went dead. Howard said that's what he listens to so he can hear what the kids are listening to.
Howard got back to Al and asked him about his daughter being a victim of some violence on a date. Al said she was and he was someone that she was dating for a while. He said it was kind of emotionally abusive and he was yelling at her. He said he had to give him a lecture after that and that made him go away.
Al said that he had to let his daughter know that it wasn't her fault. He said he called the guy up and said he didn't want to see him again. He said that was the end of it. He said they were all done. Howard said that Al could have killed him and gotten away with it since he's a celebrity. Al jokingly said he had someone take care of that for him.
Howard asked Al about his dark side since he doesn't see one. Howard said that the funny thing about Al is that he must not be home much. He's there to promote a novel that he wrote and he's got all of the TV shows he does and has a production company. Al said that he's working on something with Beth. He said they went to lunch recently to talk about that. Howard said it must be hard to figure out why she's with him. Al said he didn't want to go there.
Howard asked Al about the shows he has in production now. Al told him they have 5 right now. He went over each show and told him that he's very involved in the shows and they have a bunch on HGTV and some other networks as well. Al didn't even remember all of the stuff they have in production now.
Howard asked Al about this show where they show celebrity homes. Al said they do have a few people who let them come in and view their houses. Al said he does pitch shows to the networks so that helps them get in the door with the shows.
Howard said that Al pursued his wife for years. He was in the ''friend zone'' for a long time. Al said he was even doing her laundry and things like that. Al said that she had an apartment with nothing in the refrigerator or pantry. He said she still had the cardboard on the oven trays in the kitchen. She never even used the oven. He said she was keeping sweaters in the oven. Howard asked Al if he even drove her on her dates like Nixon did. Al said he didn't do that.
Howard asked Al if he got down during that. Al said it was only for about 3 months. Howard asked if she told him about her dates. Al said she wasn't cruel. He thinks that she knew that he was interested.
Howard asked how it transitioned from the friend thing to the date. Al said he just gave it another shot and she finally said yes. He said it turned into love after that.
Al said that he makes dinner like 5 out of 7 nights a week. He said that they have the kids and they stay busy with all of that. Howard asked if he's afraid that she will take up with another guy. Al said that he lives with the insecurity every day. Al said he wanted to ask Robin out over at WNBC when they were there. He said he was too intimidated. Al said it might be kind of awkward to do that now. Howard said Robin is intimidating. He said he'd be afraid of her laughing with that laugh of hers when he gets naked.
Howard asked Al how big he was at his biggest. Al said he was 340 at one point. He was about 280 when he met his wife. He said that he had to turn the lights out when they were in bed together. Howard asked if he kept his shirt on and things like that. Al said he would never run with his shirt off in Central Park. He said many people out there shouldn't be doing that.
Howard asked Al if he's big in the pants. Al said that he has never measured. Howard asked if he's ever measured. Al said he really hasn't. Howard said he wants to know how big it is.
Howard asked Al if he's ever gotten so fat that he wasn't able to wipe himself. Al said he's never been that big. Howard told him about Bubba the Love Sponge and how he was so fat that he had to have his girlfriend wipe him with a towel.
Howard asked Al about how long they have until he has to be at work. Al said he has about 15 minutes. He said they have some heavy weather coming in today so he has to get over there to do the weather reports at the top of the hour.
Howard asked Al about these novels that he's writing and if he just comes up with some concepts and has someone write the story. Al said he teamed up with this guy Dick Lochte who helps him with the plotting. He said he came up with the characters and the lines himself. He said Dick helps him finish the story. Al said he actually writes the stuff on his iPad. Howard said he can't believe that. Al said he used the Pages app. Howard said that's amazing. Al said it's like a regular keyboard to him. Howard said he has an iPad but it's not easy for him to type on.
Howard said the name of this new book is ''The Midnight Show Murders: A Billy Blessing Novel'' and it's a series. Al said the character is bald, black and on a morning show. Robin said that sounds like him. Al said that it kind of is. He told Howard and Robin about the plot and said they throw in some Leno-type plots in there.
Howard asked Al what he thinks about the Leno and Conan thing. Al said he thinks that Conan is doing okay now that he's out. He said that he'll do fine out there. Al said he likes Jay and he goes on his show. Howard said he doesn't believe that he likes him. Al said he really does. Howard asked if he's friendly with any celebrities. Al said it's just Howard. Al said he doesn't go out a lot. Howard said he just wanted to know if he was friends with Jay because if he was, he would figure he could be friends with a vacuum cleaner.
Howard asked Al if he thinks that Jeff Zucker leaving is going to affect the Today show. Al said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks they'll be fine. Howard asked if he's afraid of losing his job since so many other people are losing their jobs on TV news. Al said they are blowing up a lot of shows out there. He said he thinks he'll be okay. He's got a couple more years left on his contract.
Howard asked Al if he would recommend that people go into the weather man business. Al said that you only go into it because you want to. Al said that when Howard got into radio he wasn't making money. He got into it because he loved it. Howard said that's true, he did love it. Al said if you love it then that's why you do it.
Howard asked Al if he's ever been approached to run for office. Al said he hasn't and he wouldn't want to run. Howard asked if people liked him better when he was fat. Al said that people do say that they liked him better when he was fat but screw that.
Howard said that Al was interviewing this Spencer Pratt once and Al asked him if he ever feels bad about the way he acts on TV. Then Spencer blew up at him. Howard said the guy seems to be kind of dumb. Al said that he thinks that he's just childish. Al said that he didn't go off on him until after the interview. Al said he thinks that people were telling them how bad they looked during the interview and got it into their heads. Al said he thinks that he could have dropped Spencer if he had come after him. Al said that he's not a fighter but it was just Spencer Pratt.
Howard asked Al if he has a punch. Al said he can take care of himself. He said he's fairly light on his feet for someone his size. Howard asked if he ever fought a white guy. Al said he has.
Howard asked Al about the weather guys that are getting fired and if he's happy when it happens. Al said he does do a little dance when they get fired. That's just another one down. Howard asked Al about some of the people in news like Chuck Scarborough and Sue Simmons who have been on the news forever. Al said they might be the longest running team in the history of news teams. Al said he thinks that local news is making a come back.
Howard asked Al who his weather man hero is. He said that Willard Scott is his hero. Al said he's still working too. He said Willard is like 77 years old now. He said he goes to him for advice and he's like his second dad.
Howard gave Al some plugs for his book ''The Midnight Show Murders: A Billy Blessing Novel'' and Al said he's working on the next one already.
Howard said Al has had an amazing career. He brought up the marathon again and asked how long his miles were. Al said he was doing good until mile 17 and then got a cramp that slowed him down. Al said that he may run another one too. Howard said Robin is going to run the San Francisco marathon. Robin said she's just doing half of that one because there are so many hills.
Howard asked Al if he would ever do Dancing with the Stars. Al said he wouldn't. He said he watched the show with his kids. Howard asked if he was upset that Bristol Palin got so far. Al said it's just a TV show. He said it's not like she's running for office.
Howard tried to take calls but the system was down. Gary said he had to talk to him about that during the break. Howard gave Al some more plugs and then let him go a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they're getting down the finalists of the Baba Booey Audio Book Challenge. He ended up singing along to the Lenny Kravitz song and wondered what he's up to these days. Robin said she thinks he's working on something new.
Howard got back to the Baba Booey Audio Book Challenge thing and said that they have a $5,000 prize for the winner. He played some of the entries where people took Gary's audio and rearranged it to have him saying dirty things about his kids and Jon Hein and others.
Howard said a lot of people were busy with Gary's audio book. He said that most of them are about the kids being victims of pedophelia. He played another one where Gary talked about Howard falling for him and fucking him. Howard and Robin got some laughs out of that one.
Howard played another entry where the guy had Gary talking about fucking some kids and fucking Jon Hein. Howard said that was another great moment where Jon Hein fucked Gary and said ''fuck autism.'' Robin said she thought it was hard to do the editing like Sal and Richard do but the audience seems to be able to do it just fine.
Scott said he didn't want Evan to lose focus. He said he wasn't trying to get him to slow down. Howard said he wanted to get it done right and in the right amount of time. That led to Howard and Fred goofing on Scott for a minute.
Howard said Scott is a prince. He wanted to make sure the phones were fixed right the first time. He said that whole thing was very telling. Fred played Scott's ''Fuck everyone'' clip as he was leaving.
Howard got back to the spelling bee thing and said the kid looks like he's about 11 years old. He said even the kid knows what the word sounds like. Howard said the kid repeats the word and it's kind of funny. Howard played the clip and the kid asks for the origin and the definition of the word. The kid asked for it to be used in a sentence and it goes on and on. The kid eventually spells the word after asking for the definition again. They even had the kid repeating the word over and over so they could hear it.
Howard wondered who picked that word. He said he thought it was just a goof. The kid was able to spell the word. It sounded like he didn't have a clue but he was able to spell it. Howard jokingly said the next word was Kike. Howard said he thought Robin would like that. Robin said that the sentence they used it in was worthless.
Howard said they could all just donate their own money and end it. Howard read some quotes from some of the celebrities who are participating in this thing. Howard said Alicia Keys was one of them. Howard said they have to be fucking assholes to deprive people of their tweets and think that it matters. Howard said that they're trying to raise awareness of AIDS and things like that by not tweeting. Howard said there seems to be a creep factor in there that they're doing this.
Howard said that the former Miss Universe closed her Twitter account when she confused the Koreans with the Chinese. Howard read her tweet where she said that the attacks between the ''Chinas'' were wrong. Howard said she got so much crap for that she closed her account. Howard said this chick is the same one that gained 22 pounds and almost got fired by Donald Trump. Howard said he'd like to get her in there to play Win Sal's Money.
Howard read some more of the email about Andrea and some people were going off on Andrea. Howard said she should go closer to home to rehab. Robin said she thinks that she wants to go to celebrity rehab and it's not about going to rehab at all.
Howard read some mail about the way he's been treating Gary about his book promotion. Howard said he doesn't care if Gary if famous. He wants him to be his producer. Howard said this book promotion is going on far too long. He said he feels like he's burning out the show. Howard said he's happy for Gary and he wants him to finish his book promotion. He said he thinks that he gets an extra payment if he sells some more books. Howard said he can guarantee him that he won't get that bonus. He said he doesn't think that he'll get anymore than his advance. He said it's almost impossible to get that bonus.
Howard said Beth wrote a best seller and she didn't see any bonus. Howard said he wanted to tell Gary that when he heard about his bonus plan.
Howard read some more email about Gary's book promotion and about Robin's attacks on Dr. Drew the other day. Robin said she was upset that Drew used her in interviews and articles. Howard said some of the fans thought she was being childish.
Howard said he got an email from a dentist who begged them not to leave. Howard said it's really not up to him if he stays or leaves. He said it's all about working something out. That still hasn't happened yet.
Howard said that one guy wrote in about the Paul McCartney concert and complained that he's not getting tickets. He said that he has been a big fan of the show and invested in the stock and doesn't make that much every year. The guy said that everyone should have the same shot at winning tickets. He said that giving them away on the phones isn't fair. Howard said he knows it causes ill will. Robin said that caller is giving them to his mom and dad though.
Howard said he got some mail about Ozzy's interview. Howard said he talked to some people and they thought he was very clear speaking.
Howard said a lot of people didn't like Wendy Williams. Howard read through some of those. Some people thought she sounded like a man and they were saying that she was a bore. Howard said he thought she was very entertaining. Robin did too.
Howard said someone asked if he had seen the Sam Kinison special on Comedy Central. Howard said he did see that. He said that Jay Leno was one of the comedians talking about Sam. Someone wrote in about it and complained about Jay being on the special. Howard said that a lot of the guys were talking about what a genius Sam was and he thought that Jay was talking about what a ball of energy he was but not being all that complimentary toward him.
Howard said the writer wondered why he wasn't part of that special. Howard said he may have been asked to be part of it. He said he has a shrine to Sam in his apartment. He said that his brother Bill gave him something that Sam used to wear every day. He said that it was a necklace of bones that was huge. He said Sam was a big guy so the necklace is huge. He said it's almost like a dog chain. Howard said Bill came to him and said he wanted him to have it. He said it was a costume piece and he put it in a cup and he has a picture of him and Sam playing guitar on stage together. Howard said Sam was great and he looks at that to remember him.
Howard talked about the time Sam pinned Robin up against the wall and Robin was giggling. Robin said she was trying to get away. Howard said that she can't depend on him to help her if she's being raped. Howard said Sam could be so intense that you had to get away from him. He said the activity was non-stop. Robin said they couldn't get him out of the building sometimes.
Howard said Ron Zimmerman has a great story about Sam pulling a gun on him while he was writing for his TV show. Howard said everyone has a story about Sam.
Howard said he may not have participated in the project because he didn't know who was going to be producing it and if Sam would even like it. He said he just avoids doing stuff like that. Howard said they should have had some negative stories in that special. He said that they should have had Ron Zimmerman on to tell his story. He said there are a lot of other people who they could have had in that special too.
Howard said that they could have had Joan Rivers talking about the time Sam missed her show. He said that Jessica Hahn could have told the story about Sam falling asleep inside of her and shitting on the floor and things like that. They told some stories of their own. Howard said that some people hated and despised Sam and didn't want to be near him.
Howard said that Sam would get high between shows and he'd have to be dragged off during the second show and things like that. Howard said that there were a lot of stories like that.
Howard said Sam would have been 57 in 7 days if he had lived. Howard said he died at 38. He said he had his whole life ahead of him. Howard said he can't imagine that Jay Leno was even friendly with Sam. Howard said he did enjoy that Kinison special though. He said he liked seeing the old clips of Sam doing his classic bits. He said the guy was brilliant.
Howard said he thinks that he may have been asked to be part of that special and he declined. Howard said you never know what it's going to be. He said he didn't want to be part of some hatchet job special. He said he's too controlling and not trusting enough.
Howard said he wishes that he could have planned all of this out with Gary himself. He said that Gary is never going to know how many books he sold. Gary said that the signing's do sell books though so he's going to do those. Howard said he'll never know how many books he actually sold. Howard said Robin never got a bonus and she was number 3 on the best seller list. Robin said she never did get that carrot they dangled in front of her.
Howard said that he told Gary in the beginning that he'd never see a bonus. He said he'd have to sell 90 billion books.
Lisa said they also have a story about Gavin Murphy who is working with Robin on her online show ''Vegucating Robin'' which debuts today.
Howard said he heard that Lisa is freaking out about his contract. She's having bad dreams about it. Lisa said that Howard's last day is the 16th and of course she's stressed. She said she had a dream about getting stuck in traffic coming over the George Washington Bridge. She said that was bizarre. Howard said it's not that bizarre. Howard said he apologizes to everyone that there is no resolution to what he's going to be doing. Robin said that someone tweeted her about that and they think that they know something because they'd be more upset with Howard if they didn't.
Howard asked Lisa what else she had. Lisa got back to the story about Robin's new show and how they're hoping to get picked up by a network. They're hoping to get Jon and JD on the show to educate them about food. Lisa said you can go to VegucatingRobin.com to see the show.
Lisa had something in her throat so that led to Howard talking about how Susan Boyle had a throat problem when she was performing on The View. Howard said she's such a diva. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he's not sure who the hell is buying Susan Boyle albums. He said that the whole record business sucks right now but country CDs are selling because country fans must not know how to download. Howard said that it must be the same with Susan Boyle CDs.
Howard said he had the audio of Susan Boyle having throat problems on The View. He played that clip and said that he can't believe 800,000 people bought her album. Boyle eventually has to stop singing because it was so bad. Howard and Robin were grossed out by the sound.
Howard said that he gets the whole Susan Boyle thing but he wouldn't go out and buy her CD. Howard said 800,000 CDs is remarkable. Robin said that there are people buying CDs but those people are retired. Howard thought she said ''retarded.''
Lisa said that Sal's kids are entering the world of show business. They were hired to play the voices of some characters in an animated thing for the Philadelphia Eagles. She wrapped up after that and Howard let her go.
Gary said that a lot of people think that Howard knows what he's going to be doing and he's just not telling them. Howard said he really doesn't know. Howard said there are a whole slew of people he feels loyal too, even Benjy. Howard said he always comes through in the end. Gary said that's what he's been saying in interviews. He trusts that Howard will come through for them.
Howard said that he's trying to figure out what's best for them. He said that he'd like to keep working. Gary said it would be very weird if December 16th comes around and they still don't know what's going on. Howard said he doesn't have anything definite yet. He said they are working on trying to come up with something but there's nothing definite.
Howard said he heard that Gary is freaking out the most. Robin said that the Howard TV guys are freaking out too. Howard said they do have the TV channel but if they don't have a daily show then they don't have anything. Howard said that he thinks the TV channel will continue either way. He said it's all very complicated.
Howard said he gets that people are freaking out. He said that they must feel powerless. Howard said it's up to him where he goes and then everyone has to decide where they're going. Howard said he thinks it's awful but he's not sure how to handle it. Howard said he can't just say they're moving and go somewhere. He said he's not in charge. He said he doesn't own the company.
Howard asked who is freaking out the most. He heard that Scott the Engineer is the one. Scott came in and said that he's not freaking out or saying anything. He said he'll be 58 next week. He has no retirement plan. Scott said he'll have to do some freelance stuff. Howard asked Scott if the show ends in 9 shows and he has nothing after that. He asked what his plan is. Scott said he has no plan. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Scott said he has money to last him about 6 months. Howard said he's screwed.
Gary said that Suze Orman has a plan for all of this. Gary said that she says you have to have an 8 month plan. Gary said he has about a year. He said that he has a year to look for work and he has to cut back on things.
Howard said it's these guys he has to worry about. Gary said that if Howard had said this 6 months ago he would have gone out and looked for a job. Howard said if he signs a 5 year deal with someone then what are they going to do in 5 years. Scott said he would work on something. He said that he'll try to come up with something.
Howard said that his father told him to just take like $500 a month and put it away for retirement. Howard said that if you do that then you'd have a nest egg. Howard said that Scott hasn't done that. Scott said he lives day by day. Howard said Scott is an amazing guy. He said he could have taken $100 a week and put it away. Scott said he has some savings.
Howard said if he gets someone to hire Scott, which might be impossible, then he's going to have to think about what to do in 5 years.
Richard said he thinks that Scott thought his son's band was going to be his nest egg. Scott said his son has his own life and he wasn't counting on that.
Howard said Jason must be freaking out because he has no plan and he's getting fatter. Howard said he might sign another 5 year deal but he's going to be done after that. He wants to retire. Howard said if he does take that 5 year deal, what is Jason going to do? Howard asked if they're going to have plans after that 5 years. Howard said he's out after that. Howard said Jason is wasting his time on a cruise instead of saving that money. Howard said everyone has to start looking for a job.
Gary said he's been putting money away because his father always told him to do that. Howard said Gary's father died broke. Gary said he didn't have a plan. Gary said he thinks that Howard's next deal will be his last. He said he's preparing for that. Howard said that the experts say that you shouldn't get caught off guard.
Howard said that he heard that if Jason doesn't get his next paycheck he's going to be wiped out. Jason said that he's got savings. He said that he has been saving cash. Will came in and said that Jason does make comments that he has to wait until he gets paid on Friday to make $25 payments to people. Howard asked Will if he has a plan. Will said he's working on it. Will said he's 32 and he's thinking about his future now. Howard said he's got the 130 IQ so of course he's thinking about that. Will said that he's only got a little bit of a plan.
Howard said if he has another 5 year deal they have to work on a plan for their futures. Gary said he will save money and continue to do so. He said that he'll be 55 at the end of that contract and he's not sure anyone will want to hire a 55 year old. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said they've all been very blessed so far.
Howard said he signs 5 year contracts and that's unheard of. Howard said they have to come up with a plan. Gary said he'd rather be there knowing what he has for 5 years instead of being on some other show that's gone in 3 years.
Benjy asked Howard if it's really his primary motivation that he has to keep them working. Howard said he wants to do something and be involved. He said if he didn't want to do it then he wouldn't. Howard said there are a lot of people working there who don't have a plan. Benjy is the worst of them. Benjy said if Howard does another 5 year run then he'll be as old as he says he is now. He said it's really a wake up call for him. Howard said he hopes it is. Howard said that everyone has to put money aside and come up with a plan.
Bobo called in and said that he has a conspiracy theory. He said that Scott DePace is a mastermind behind the test results not coming out on Howard TV. Howard said Scott doesn't pick what shows come out on Howard TV. He said that Bobo has an 87 IQ so he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said he's amazed that he can even turn on his TV. Bobo said that it's odd that it's the only show that's not up on Cablevision out there. Bobo said he has nothing to lose but there is something going on there. Howard said Doug said there was a problem with Cablevision. Doug said that the show should be up today over there. He said everyone can tune in and see what a dummy Bobo is today.
Howard mentioned that his trainer Pat Manocchia is coming in today. He has a new book out to promote. Howard said that Pat is a really manly guy and he'll shit at the gym and not care who smells it or who sees his dick. Howard said Pat is the most manly friend he has. Howard said the guy is much more together than he is. Howard said Pat actually saved someone's life at a restaurant. Howard said the guy wasn't able to eat right and choked so Pat saved him. He said the guy didn't even thank him.
Howard said he and Pat went out and played basketball and he hit himself in the face. He said he didn't want Pat to know though so he didn't tell him. He said he felt like an idiot.
Howard said Pat used to get tons of pussy. He said he got hot, celebrity pussy too. Howard said Pat has done very well for himself. Robin said that he has worked that gym thing into something. Howard said he owns the gym and everything. Howard said he bets that women have paid him to bang him. Howard said there can't be that much money in training. He said he is one of his best friends and a good dude. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that not many trainers get to release a book like this. He asked who approached him about this. Pat said this is actually his second book and this guy wanted to do an anatomy book about training. Pat said he wrote it and got it published. He said he didn't do any publicity for it at all and now it's all over the place.
Howard asked if people can look like him if they train with this book. Pat hesitated and said of course they can. Pat talked about how your body only does 5 things and he gave examples of a bunch of ways to exercise them and put them in a book.
Howard asked Pat if he saw when he hit himself in the head with the basketball. Pat said he did but he was trying to be discrete about it. He said he wasn't sure if he should get him ice or just turn around.
Howard said that Pat grew up in Long Island and he grew up kind of poor. Howard said Pat started playing hockey and he was almost like a pro. Pat said he played pro in Europe. He said he had a great program there at home and he got into Brown University because of that. Howard said Pat went to Brown and he started going to his friend's homes and they all came from amazing wealth. Pat said he grew up 10 minutes from school and he'd bring people home to eat and he thought it was great until he went to see other friend's houses. He said that they were all really nice and he was in way over his head. He said he was embarrassed about where he came from until he saw those kid's parents. He said that he was happy he had what he had after that.
Howard said he thinks that if he had gotten involved in sports that he would have been good at it. Robin didn't think that was the case. She said you have to have some aptitude toward it.
Howard said Pat is teaching him to be more of a man. Howard said that Pat is a real man and he can come in with a full bush and his wife won't complain.
Howard said he went to see Pat's new gym and it's really nice. Pat said it's the nicest residential gym out there. He said he kept asking for more and more things and they just put it all in there.
Howard said Pat has had the most successful life with pussy. He said he has gotten the most pussy he's ever known about. Howard asked why he gave up that lifestyle. Pat said it was exhausting. He said it was kind of empty too. Pat said he dated people and he was never really any good at that. Howard asked why so much celebrity pussy was attracted to him. Pat said it's probably because he didn't care that they were celebrities. Howard said he dated a bunch of famous ones. Howard mentioned Julia Roberts. Pat said he did date her. Howard said he went out with some super models too. Howard didn't want to say who they were. Howard said he went out with Mary Louise Parker too.
Howard asked if that's a hard lifestyle to give up. Pat said it was hard for 2 minutes. He said that you become the woman when you're dating a celebrity. Pat said he's not sure how they do it having a camera on them all the time. He said he didn't like having them on him when he was dating celebrities. Pat said he eventually found the right person for him.
Pat said that the relationships he had weren't that equal. He said when they have millions in the bank and he had 5,000, that's not equal. He said that getting a reservation at a restaurant early wasn't that big of a bonus to him either. Howard asked Pat about being turned down by women. Pat said of course that happened.
Howard said he's embarrassed to change in front of other men. Pat said he knows. He said he gets that all the time. Pat said that Howard will go up and get fully dressed in a private room while he's got his balls hanging out. Howard said they have private locker rooms at Pat's gym. He said if they didn't have that then he couldn't go to that gym. Howard said he knows his dick is small and he doesn't want anyone to see it. Pat said that's the last thing he's going to look at. Pat said that's the gayest thing ever. Howard said if it's sticking out then he's going to look.
Howard asked Pat if he had a fear of that when he was playing hockey. Pat said that there is a fear of it when you go to a new place. He said that he has been to some places where he didn't feel comfortable getting changed in front of some guys.
Howard asked Pat if he's ever been in a fight with guys. Pat said he's only done that on the ice. He had a guy hit him in the back of the head with a stick so he beat him up. Howard said if he got hit on the back of the head with a stick then he'd just apologize to the guy. He asked if it feels good to beat the crap out of someone. Pat said that it's just a rage so you don't even know you're doing it.
Howard and Pat talked about the show The Biggest Loser and how dangerous it is losing weight the way they do it on that show. Pat said he would never do things they way they do on that show. He said that they're not dealing with why they're obese. They're just making them lose weight and then they take away the training and letting them go off on their own. He said he can't imagine that they keep the weight off after leaving the show.
Howard said he saw Pat break his back and come in and do his work outs. Howard said he can't even work out when he's got a broken toe. Howard said that he was in the gym yesterday and someone had just taken a dump in the locker room. Howard said Pat just sits in there and doesn't care. He said he's like that because he's a man. Howard said that he has to hold his breath like he's Aquaman. Howard said Pat was eating a sandwich while smelling that shit. Pat said it just doesn't bother him that much. Pat said some guys can peel the paint with their stink and he has to have a talk with them.
Howard asked Pat what's wrong with him that he can't make a doody in a locker room. Pat said that Howard is nuts. Pat has no problem doing it. Robin said Howard is repulsed by being human she thinks. Howard said Pat is just free and he doesn't care what women think. Howard asked if he shaves his arm pits. Pat laughed at that question.
Howard gave Pat a plug for his book again. He said that you can open it up to any page and you'll find work out programs that he does in his gyms. Pat said that there are no real gauges for how many sit ups and things you should be able to do. He said that he tries to balance everything out with his programs.
Howard said the book is in stores now and you can find out more about that and the gym at LaPalestra.com.
Howard had the guys show Pat Gary's pitches on Jimmy Kimmel. Pat was laughing his ass off at those. Howard said he'd love to have the list of celebrities that Pat has. He said he'd be bragging about it all the time if he had them. Robin said that's not true because he still hasn't talked about some of the women he's been with. Howard said that if he had Pat's list it would be different.
Howard said that Pat was John F. Kennedy Jr.'s roommate at Brown. Pat said it was John who got him his first job. He said he went over to their house and he was very intimidated by that. He said when you play hockey you learn not to be intimidated but that was one of those moments. Pat said that he thought Jackie O was going to be black and white but she was actually tan. He said that she knew more about everything than he did. Pat said he had just come back from Madrid and Jackie knew more about it than he did. He said that was very intimidating.
Pat said he went up to Martha's Vineyard to visit John and Jackie. He said that John wasn't at the airport so he called the house and she came to pick him up since John wasn't there. He said Jackie had some women come up to her to talk to her but she just stared at them and they'd walk away. He said he was able to talk to her though. He said he thinks that she dug that he and John were friends because he was so ''normal.'' Howard said he liked John and got to know him when he did the cover of George magazine. Howard said that he figured the guy hated his guts from the stuff he wrote about him in his first book but he turned out to be a real sweetheart. Pat said he was a great guy.
Pat said that he got home from Spain and John asked him what he was going to do. He had no idea so John brought him down to this gym and he got a job working there because John had brought him in. That's how he got him into this line of work. Pat said he had to learn how to do everything at the gym and that's where he learned.
Howard said that John must have gotten a lot of pussy. Pat said they weren't in the same room but in the same hall. He said John was too smart for that though. He said that women would show up looking for him.
Howard said that Pat has experienced a lot of loss in his life. Howard said that he was there with Pat when JFK Jr. lost his life. He said that he lost both of his brothers too. Pat said that he figured that he might be bad luck and almost thought about telling Howard not to spend time around him. Pat said that the guy who helped him get his gym started is gone now too. He said that he's had a lot of loss.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Pat sounds like an interesting guy. He asked what it's like being Howard's friend. Pat said that he's not sure how much he wants to reveal about him. Howard told him to go ahead. Pat said that the camera guy asked him about what it was going to be like seeing him on the air. Pat said seeing him at work is interesting. He said the whole dynamic is different. He said that Howard is incredibly smart and he's such a nice guy too. Howard thanked him for sticking up for him like that. Howard said he thinks that Pat could beat Gary in a Name that Tune kind of thing. He said his command of music is impressive.
The caller asked what kind of music they play in the gym. Pat won't allow Lady Gaga in his gym. He said he hates that kind of beat in the gym. Pat said he used to work with Madonna and he'd walk out of there wanting to strangle someone. He said he thinks that classic rock is the best kind of music to work out with.
Howard said he thinks that Madonna is over trained at this point. Pat said he worked with her for 8 or 9 years. He said she got married and moved around so he lost track of her. Robin said she saw Madonna dancing on a treadmill. She said that she had herself taped off so no one could get near her and it was very disturbing.
Another caller brought up Julia Roberts again and Pat said he felt like an idiot when he was in the tabloids all the time. He said he didn't need that. Howard said he was in the tabloids a lot back then when he was with Julia Roberts and Mary Louise Parker.
Howard asked if his wife ever worried about impressing him after he had been with Julia Roberts. Pat said she never was like that.
Howard said that Pat is his most manly friend. As he said that Pat burped. Howard asked Pat if he's afraid of premature ejaculation. Pat didn't seem too concerned with it. Howard said he's seen Pat play hockey and play football and he imagines he fucks girls just as good. He asked what he's bad at. Pat said he can't play a musical instrument or type. Howard said that's good.
Howard asked Pat about doing steroids and if he thinks people should do that. Pat said that it's not worth it because your balls shrink. Howard asked what you're supposed to do if your legs are too thin and don't fit in your pants. Pat said he knows who he's talking about. He said that people should stop worrying about their look so much. Pat said that you go in and work your ass off and feel better. There's always going to be flaws that you'll find and you'll never be perfect.
Howard told Pat about Robin's marathon run and how she stopped for a bagel. Robin said she had to eat something. She didn't feel like she was throwing the race or anything. Pat said that he doesn't believe in dieting. He said that you can eat whatever you want. He said that he enjoys what he eats. He said that he's going to die some day and he will have eaten just about everything. He said that you should move your bowels at least once a day too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Robin's coffee enemas. Pat said the only place coffee should go is in your mouth. He said that the ass is exit only. He said that he doesn't like a pinkie in the ass either. He said that's gay.
The caller asked about being on Weight Watchers. Pat said that's the best program there is out there. He said he loves Richard Simmons too. Pat said that Richard is out there getting people who wouldn't usually work out to work out. He said that's a good thing.
The caller asked if Howard is one of his biggest successes. Pat said he really is. He said Howard walked in the door and he would have no idea what it was like to be outside even though he had just walked in the door. He said he had him running 4 miles in Central Park a year later. He said that he got him out of the car.
Howard said that he loves Pat and he is a close friend. Howard said he can trust him and when he got to Pat he wasn't a runner. He said he was always afraid of doing anything outside. He said when she sees the rain he used to be afraid of it. Howard said that Pat makes him go out and run in the rain. He said that today he doesn't care what the weather is. He said he's not all neurotic about it now. Howard said that may not seem like a big deal but Pat taught him to run in the rain and he thanks him for that. Pat said it's impressive what Howard has accomplished.
The caller asked if Howard was still setting up the fans with Paul McCartney tickets. Howard said the whole thing has turned into a fiasco. Howard said he doesn't have any tickets. Howard asked how long he's been a listener. The caller said he's been up there 3 times and his cousin is Hook Nose Mike. Howard gave the guy a pair of tickets. The guy squealed like a little girl when he heard the news.
Howard said he could talk to Pat all day long. He said he thinks he has. Howard took another call from a guy who congratulated Pat on his book. He also asked why Howard is still bench pressing 95 pounds. Pat said he doesn't need to do more than that. Howard said he's just trying to stay alive. Pat said he's glad that it's not going backwards. Pat said that Howard has done 135 a couple of times too so Howard is lying about the 95.
Howard congratulated Pat on his new book and on his life. He said that he's a great friend and he's lived a great life. Howard said there probably won't be a book called ''I Fucked Julia Roberts'' but he does have this book ''Anatomy of Strength Training: The Five Essential Exercises.''
Pat said he was terrified to come in there this morning. He said that he didn't sleep at all last night thinking about it. He was glad that it went well. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that The Hoff stopped by the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Robin said she just saw his roast the other day and it was good. Howard said that the Hoff seems like the kind of guy that would be healthy and not drink. He said that Gary thought he was drunk yesterday. Gary said he wasn't the only one. He said Jon thought something was going on there too. Howard said maybe he had some bad Chinese food.
Howard played some audio of David Hasselhoff stopping by the Wrap Up Show yesterday.
Howard said he didn't think that he sounded high. Robin laughed. She seemed to think something was up. Robin said that maybe he just sounds drunk. Howard played some more of the clip and wondered when he started referring to himself in the third person. Robin said she'd like to know too. Howard said he thinks it happened on America's Got Talent. Howard said he blew that gig. Howard said it completely revived his career.
Howard said that Gary should have tied him up and saved him for this morning. He said he needs to ask him about when he became ''The Hoff'' and started referring to himself in the third person. Howard played some more of the audio that was only a few minutes long.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that and his roast. Robin said it was sad that Greg Giraldo was on that roast and now he's gone. Howard said that David can't answer a question seriously. He has to make a joke out of everything.
Gary said he liked that David came out and sang on that roast and it was so bad it was good. Howard said he liked that performance.
Howard had a clip of The Hoff talking about himself on Jimmy Kimmel. He said that ''the Hoff'' was invented in Australia. He said that some women were joking about it with viral videos and it all started there. Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Hoff didn't sound drunk to him. He said he sounded like he was on speed. The caller also said that the Pat interview was great. Howard said that he's really one of his best friends. Howard said he's been with a pretty impressive list of women. He said it's amazing actually. He said the guy must be super handsome. He asked Robin if that's true. Robin said that he's not super handsome but he's good looking. Robin said that he gets to work with the women and that might be why he's so attractive to them.
Howard said that all of the male trainers stretch all of the women. He said he never gets stretched. Howard said that some of the women need to take their bottoms off.
Steve said they have some updates on Gary's book signings down in Florida this weekend. He's going to be in St. Petersburg and Miami. He'll be at Tootsie's in Miami after his book signing on Friday.
Steve said they also have a story about Melrose Larry Green who is facing eviction. He's had to throw out a lot of Stern Show memorabilia. Steve said that Melrose claims that his landlord has taken a dislike to his cat and his piano so he's being thrown out. He claims that he's always paid his rent.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects for today's show and that led to them talking about Pat some more. Robin said she got the feeling that Pat is like a father to Howard. Howard said that Pat has taught him a bunch of things that a father would teach. He said that he's always patient with him too so he is like his dad. Howard said he calls him daddy sometimes. Howard said Pat has never spanked him though. He said he's never had any time outs either. Howard said that Pat is the one guy he sits and has discussions with and he's probably sick of him. Howard spent a few minutes talking about some of the stuff that he and Pat do together. They go out to eat with the wives and things like that too.
Howard said that he would even call Pat if he was having a problem in his relationship. He said he thinks that Pat would call him too. He said the guy is a good guy. He said he's quite the cocksman too. Howard said Pat laughs at John Stamos. Then he corrected himself and said that no one laughs at Stamos. He spent a few minutes talking about all of the chicks that Stamos gets. He said that Ralph has been to his house and he's seen the constant parade of women going through there. Howard said that he even got rid of that Rebecca Romijn. He said that he asked if he was upset about it and John just laughed and said ''yeah.''
Jon got back to his show rundown. They ended up talking more about Pat when Jon brought up how Howard won't get changed in the locker room in front of other people. Howard asked Jon if he gets changed in the locker room. Jon said of course he does. Howard said that guys look. He said he looks so other guys must be looking at him. Howard said he doesn't want people to see his deformity.
Howard said he wouldn't shower in high school after gym class so he'd be all smelly all day long. Howard said he just wants to go home. Jon said that's nasty.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned Lisa G's ''crazy'' dream. That led to them goofing on her a little bit.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview after that. He ran down some of the stuff they'd be talking about tonight.
Howard mentioned that they have Whitney Cummings coming in tomorrow. The Cummings name reminded him of that.
Robin read a story about men with long index fingers having less chance of having prostate cancer. Robin said that if your index finger is longer than your ring finger then you have less chance according to some study that was done in the UK.
Robin read a story about a woman who was stopped by a man dressed as Spider-Man on a street. He offered to help her but she got in her car and drove off. The cops were unable to find the man. Howard did a live commercial and went to break after that.
After the break, around 10:10am, Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about Howard K. Stern being back in the news about the Anna Nicole Smith case. He's trying not to go to jail. Howard said he wants them to take his name away from him. He said he can't believe that there's another Howard Stern out there and that he hung around Anna Nicole Smith. Howard said they should change his name to Fred Norris. Fred said he doesn't need that hassle and suggested they change it to Benjy Bronk.
Robin said that Michael Douglas is going to play the part of Liberace in a new movie. Howard said he can see that. Robin said that he's still in the middle of his throat cancer battle. Howard said they say that 85 percent of the people who have that kind of cancer survive. Howard said he hopes he makes it because he likes him. Howard said he'd like to tackle that role but he'd have to get a stunt double for the gay kissing scenes. They spent a few minutes doing impressions of Liberace and talking about how he sued a tabloid that called him gay and won. Howard said that they must be nuts over there.
Robin read about Hanukkah starting tonight. Howard sounded shocked that it was starting already. Howard said his kids are too old for Hanukkah gifts. He said it's really just for young kids. He said his oldest is 27 and he has a 24 and a 17 year old. He said they're just too old for that now. Howard said that they used to go nuts with the Christmas decorations so they had to scale it back. He said he had fake snow at one point. Fred laughed and Howard said he wasn't kidding.
Robin read a story about a Catholic organization fighting back over an Atheist billboard that was put up in New Jersey. Robin said there's a billboard war going on over the whole thing.
Robin read a story about the Pentagon's findings in a study done about the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. She had some audio of someone discussing that in a press conference. Howard did a couple of live commercials after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about Derek Jeter and the NY Yankees. Robin said that Derek wants more money and the Yankees don't want to make the deal he wants. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about consumers and how many of them use their credit cards to shop on Black Friday.
Robin read about a Saudi king who wanted to implant chips into the Guantanamo Bay prisoners so they can be tracked. Howard said he's all for that. He said they should do it and not tell them. Howard said they could lead them to Osama bin Laden if they did that.
Robin read a story about a study done about Diabetes and how it's going to increase in Texas. They had some stats about that in the story. Robin said just walking can help people when it comes to things like that.
Robin read a story about a new technology that would allow people to pay for things using their cell phones. Howard said he likes that idea. Robin said there's one start up company that has started letting people swipe their cards using a phone.
Robin read about Stevie Wonder talking about his music catalog on Larry King last night. He shared some stories about where his songs came from. Robin had some audio from the interview that she had Howard play. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how Piers Morgan is going to be taking over for Larry. Howard said that Piers asked him to be on the show and he would possibly do that. Howard said he doesn't know if he'd want to wait around to do it that late at night though. Howard said he likes Piers though.
Robin read a story about it being World AIDS day today. Robin said there are more than 1 million people living with HIV AIDS in the United States. Robin said that they say it's far from over. She had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin said that Amtrak is reversing a ban on guns on their trains starting December 15th. Robin said the guns are only allowed on if they're unloaded. Robin had some audio of someone explaining that.
Robin read a story about a the mother of the owner of the Utah Jazz who was stabbed to death. Robin had some audio of an official talking about how she was found dead after being stabbed at the business she owned with her husband.
Howard said he has to go. He said that it's getting late. They wrapped up and Robin did one more story. They ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon said that Gary seemed to be the one who was being marked as the most paranoid on the show today. Gary said that he asked Will who thinks that he's the most worried. Will said that he has kids so he has the most to lose. Gary said that he's not really complaining though so he's wondering how his worry is manifesting itself.
Jon said that a lot of them believe that Howard will come back and they'll all be okay. He said it's not clear if that's what will happen and Howard was asking them all what they're planning on doing after he's done. Gary said that it was interesting that he was asking them all what their plans are. Gary said that he wouldn't be working if he could have saved up enough money to live without a job. Gary said he has to keep working.
Gary said that he has a plan in his head for what he would do but it's just in his head. He said that he'd rather wait and see if this job is still going to be available.
Jon said that the angst there is manifesting itself in many ways there. He mentioned Lisa G's weird dream.
Gary said that he believes that Howard's next contract is going to be his last one. Gary said if Howard had said in June that he was going to be done then he would have gone out to find a job. Gary said he's not sure what he's going to do if Howard still doesn't have anything by the end of the year.
Jon said that Howard is concerned about everyone there. It's all in his hands now. Gary said it goes both ways though. He said that he could hear the devil and the angel there and Howard has to think about himself too. Jon said he does have to do what's right for him. He said that not having the answer is tough.
Benjy said that Howard might be saying that he has to keep working to keep them working. Gary said he thinks that Howard has made up his mind to keep going for a while.
Gary said he spoke to Matt Lauer and Matt told him that Howard is very concerned for everyone there. He said that Matt is pretty close to Howard so he gets to speak to him about things like that.
Jon said that Howard isn't the one making the decision there. He has to make a deal to stay there and that's up to the people at the company. Benjy said that maybe Howard isn't all powerful and he can't just do what he wants.
Jon asked Jason why he doesn't have a plan. Jason said he's in a position working his dream job and he has trust and faith in Howard. He said he loves that Howard thinks about them in his contract negotiations and a lot of people wouldn't do that. Jason said that having him think about their welfare is awesome.
Jason said that he has faith that Howard will either come back or they will have another job. He said that he's amazed that Howard was even talking about another 5 year contract. Gary said that they usually demand a 5 year contract to get everything they want from one another.
Will said it's a weird time and it's like a crossroads. He said you need to have options. Gary asked Will what he'll do if Howard says he's done and he couldn't work something out. Will said he'd have to put a resume together and find a job. He said it's going to be a trying thing. Will said that he'd find out what he's really qualified to do and that can be kind of depressing. Will said that they have a great work environment there. He said it will end at some point and he has to ask what's best for himself.
Gary said that if they worked on a show where the boss is an asshole everyone would have started leaving already. Will said they have a lot of perks there and it's a tough decision to leave. Jason said working there is like being popular in high school. He said that he knows that this is the best it's ever going to be. He said it can't get better than this job.
Jon asked Jason if he has thought about going anywhere else. Jason said he hasn't even thought about what he wants to do after this show. He said he doesn't think he'd want to produce another radio show. Gary said that's interesting to him. He said he didn't know that. Jason said he has fun doing it but he doesn't feel he has to stay in that line of business. Jason said he'd be happy to go work for the Yankees if they asked him to.
Will said that he and Jason fell into this dream job and they never really thought about doing anything else. Gary said he could be thrown into that mix too. He said he hasn't done anything else and he doesn't know what else to do.
Gary said he watched a special about Creedmore and even though they shut it down the mental patients kept showing up. That's probably what will happen with this show.
Jon said that they do have a very unique work environment. Gary said that he'd like to be able to keep the team together and bring it somewhere else when Howard is done. Jon said he knows what Jason is saying and it's going to be a tricky transition.
Jon said that Scott the Engineer is going to have it really tough. Will said that Sal is going to have a hard time too. He has young kids too. Will said that Sal has burned every bridge in finance so he may not have anyplace to go. Gary said that he doesn't think Sal would ever go back to that anyway. He said he thinks that he could write for a show or do comedy.
Scott the Engineer came in so Jon asked him about his future. Gary said Scott does what he does there and he wondered if he's going to be up to date if he has to go work somewhere else. Scott said he knows it all pretty much. Scott said he can do audio on pretty much anything. He said he has no problem doing it so he thinks he could find something.
Jon asked Scott if he could go back to the DJ business. Scott said he could. He still does that club DJ thing. Scott said he likes it occasionally but he's not sure he could do it on a nightly basis.
Benjy asked Jon what he would do. Jon said he'd like to stay on the air. He said he could be a college professor or something like that if that didn't work out.
Gary asked Benjy what he would do. Benjy said he'd like to do something in comedy or have his own show. Gary thought he had worked for Joan Rivers as a writer but Benjy said he never had. He said he went on her show as a character once.
Benjy said that he's more curious than worried about his future. Gary asked what he would like to do. Benjy said he would like to be on air and doesn't care where it is.
Jon asked if they think there is a shot that it could be over on December 16th. Gary said no. He doesn't think it's going to be over. Scott said Howard has said he wants to keep going. Will said that it could end there and they could be off the air for 6 months. Gary said he's pretty sure that won't happen. He said Howard knows that you can't be gone that long.
Benjy asked if they think Howard has a plan in place as a plan B. Jon said he thinks that he does. He said he thinks that he has a plan B and a plan C lined up. Gary said that he could just say if he doesn't get what he wants then he's going to go off and do something else.
Benjy said it was interesting that Howard said there is going to be a TV component to whatever it is he does. Gary said that was interesting. Gary said that Howard did say that but he also said it was complicated. Will said he heard Scott yell out ''Woo hoo'' in the back office when Howard said that.
Jon asked JD what he's thinking. JD said he just takes it day by day. He said he's just going to wait to see what happens and not worry. Gary asked JD if he has someone he can go to live with if he has to. JD said he doesn't come from a rich family so he's not sure. JD said he just has to wait and see what happens.
Jon asked JD what he's going to do if Howard leaves. JD said he really doesn't know. Will said that JD has some experience working with audio. Gary said that you have to know how to edit video and he's doing audio. Jason said that his skills are finding clips so he has a very specific skill. He said that he doesn't think that many people have that kind of experience.
Jon said that they're not talking about the celebrity that this show brings to your life. JD said that he'll be okay if he doesn't have that. The guys were giving him a hard time about all of that so JD said goodbye and walked out. He said he had nothing to say and Jason had plenty to say so he was leaving. Jon said he wanted him to stay. Someone yelled out ''Uh oh... fatty fight!'' JD ended up leaving.
Benjy said he thinks that he's going to be fine with whatever happens. Gary said that Benjy lives in an alternate universe so he can't compare that to them. Jason said that it's very stressful when you don't know where your next paycheck is going to be coming from. Benjy said that he'll be fine either way. He said he's confident that he'll be okay and he thinks that everyone else will be too.
Gary said that 1/3 of your day is your job and it's a major part of your life. Benjy said that Howard doesn't fire people on a whim so it's a great job to have. Gary said he doesn't even fire people with good reason. Benjy said that he's confident that everyone can get a job and have a decent life if Howard leaves. Gary said he's confident too but it's still nerve wracking not knowing what they're doing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if working on the show would keep him from getting a job somewhere else. Gary said he thinks that there are enough people out there that like the show that he'd be able to get a job. He said that the success of the show trumps not liking the show.
Another caller said he thinks that Howard is on his way to sign a contract and they have nothing to worry about. He said he thinks that Howard saying that Robin had to go too was too obvious. He said that it's a clear sign to him that they're doing something. If he's not then Mel Karmazin is going to have a rude awakening because he's going to cancel his subscription if he leaves.
Another caller asked some questions about the show and asked if anyone was reprimanded about booking Pablo Francisco on the show. No one had. The guy was asking a bunch of weird questions and giving Gary a hard time about his pitch and things like that.
Jason said that he has a lot of friends who have gone unemployed and he's seen them not have their lives fall apart so he's pretty sure he can survive it too.
Another caller said that he hopes that they stick around. He said he thinks that Howard is making a big deal about the Paul McCartney deal and that's when he'll announce it. Gary said that there's only one place where he announces big news and that's on his morning show. Gary said he would bet his life that he wouldn't do it during the McCartney show. Gary said the news will come out on the morning radio show, not on a concert show.
Gary said he's sure they'll find out before the 16th what they're doing. Benjy asked if they think it'll happen this week. Gary said he doesn't think so but he doesn't know anything. Will said he thinks they'll want to make the announcement as soon as possible so they can sell some radios before Christmas.
Steve Brandano said that he was freaked out when Jason was telling him not to worry this week. He said that he thinks that if some of the people found out 2 weeks before Howard makes his announcement then he'd be upset. He said that he needs to do things and plan things so if he didn't tell anyone then he'd be pissed. Gary said he wouldn't keep the secret unless Howard told him to. Steve said he'd be pissed at Howard if he told Gary not to tell anyone. ----------------------------------------------------------------
Gary said that he doesn't know but if Howard told him not to tell anyone he wouldn't. He said he hasn't told him but he wouldn't tell even if he did know. Jason said that if Gary knew that they were going to be working in 2 weeks he'd be fine with it unless it was like a month ago that he found out. Steve said he'd hope that Gary would trust them enough. He thins that Gary would tell all of them if he did know.
Jon said that he and Gary are very close and they tell each other a lot. He said that there are situations where Howard has told him not to say anything and he doesn't hear a word. Gary said that he knew about the Michael Jackson story and he wasn't allowed to tell anyone that story. He never even told his wife about it until it came out in the book.
Gary said that when he found out they were going on in Philly he told one chick about it 2 days before. He said that he told her about it and some guy called into the show the next day saying he found out from that chick who he was trying to bang. He said he learned a lesson from that and Howard didn't get mad at him about it. He said that Howard just told him that was a lesson he was learning.
Shuli was in and said that it feels good that it's not just in the Howard 100 News room that they're freaking out. He said he likes to see that everyone is freaking out.
Gary said that of course everyone is freaking out. He said that Will can get angry at times but most of the time he's a pretty mellow dude.
Will said that he thinks he's taking a lot more action than anyone around there. Will said he's taking steps to figure out what to do if the show does come to an end.
Jason said he doesn't think that there's that much panic in the room. He said that he disagrees with Shuli about that. Jon said that there seems to be an underlying belief that Howard is coming back.
Shuli said that everyone has a conspiracy theory around there. He said he's spoken to people around there and that's what it seems like.
Jon asked Shuli about Lisa G's dream and what he thinks about that. Shuli said he thinks that she's more worried about not being able to live in Manhattan and she'd have to commute from Jersey.
Jon asked Gary how it all happened. Gary said he got up and asked Scott what was going on. Scott had no idea. He said he went in and told Howard he had no idea what was going on and all he had was Scott. He said that Jason thought that was very funny and laughed at him. He thought it was him saying that all he had to help with was Scott. He just meant that he just had Scott's explanation.
Scott was saying that he had to go over the whole console to figure out why it was dead. Gary asked how he knew where to start looking. Scott said that Howard's mics had gone dead so he knew where to start looking. He said he checked through some stuff and figured it out. He said that something had shorted out so they got that fixed and everything got back up and running. He said they went over everything to find what it was.
Gary said that Evan came to him and told him what was going on once they were back on the air. He said that Evan told him what they had to swap out during the break. He said that Evan said he could probably do it in 3-5 minutes but they had to get out of delay. Gary said he had to tell Howard what they had to do and they had to rush through it. He said Howard did the live commercials and they got out of delay and then Evan went to work doing his thing. He said that Fred couldn't hear anything so he was freaking out. He said that the fix went pretty smoothly considering wheat went on.
Jon had some audio from during the breaks where Scott told Evan ''Easy Evan, take it easy...'' and Howard told him not to tell him to take it easy. Scott said he didn't want Evan to kill himself out in the hall. He said he was just trying to protect him.
Jason said he fond it funny that Scott was just staring at Evan as he was working and freaking out trying to get the work done. He said Scott just calmly stared at him. There was no urgency there at all.
Gary said that there was a lot of chaos in there during the whole thing. He said Scott was the most calm there. Scott said he's learned to be calm and things don't get done right when you freak out. He said he was there in case he needed him. Gary said that the responsibility was on Scott so they both could have gotten yelled at.
Benjy said that they lost the power once at K-Rock and they were all laughing at this girl who said that electricity comes out of her and then the whole place went dark. Gary didn't remember that. Jon Hein said he didn't remember that but he wasn't working there at the time.
Gary said that they've gone off the air maybe 5 or 6 times in the history of the show. Scott said they had a back up board so they were prepared for this failure. Gary said that they do check the board first thing in the morning and this is unpredictable. He said it's like a light bulb going out. When it goes out you just change it. Jon said he had to go to break after that.
Gary said that Pat talked about what it's like to be friends with Howard and that was interesting to him. Jon said that Howard has that relationship with Pat and he has it with Ralph to a certain extent. Gary said Pat is the guy for manly things and Ralph is for the geeky stuff.
The guys talked about Howard not showering in school and what that must have been like. He never took a shower after gym class. Gary said he knew a guy like that. Benjy said he knew a guy who wouldn't shower after practice but he had a huge penis. He said the kids made fun of him for having a big one. Benjy said he used to have fun showering with the guys. He said that it was fun to do that and joke about the hot teachers.
Gary said that he knows what Benjy is talking about but Will didn't. Gary said that he and Benjy might be closer in age than he thought. He said they used to do the same kind of thing. Jon said that he didn't think it was a jolly old time showering with other guys. He said they weren't checking each other out or anything like that.
Gary said he remembers going to a health club with Jackie and they used to see Jerry Stiller naked yelling at his agent. He said that he was so big at the time that you couldn't see what was going on down there so he doesn't know how big he is.
Jon said that Howard and Pat seem to be very close friends and they're very trusting of one another. They spent a minute talking about that before Jon took some calls.
A caller said that he thinks that Gary would get hired in a second if he wanted to find work. Gary said he's not sure about that. Gary said he has very low self esteem. He said he's never really had a serious offer to leave. He said he had a half hearted offer from Curtis and Lisa Sliwa but not much else. He said that he's never had someone come to him asking him to come work for them.
Jon took a call from a guy who was busting Gary's balls about his pitching. He was asking if he can bowl. Gary said that he's actually a very good bowler.
Another caller said he had a gym teacher that used to check the kids in class for dingleberries. Gary said that's very gay. He said he knows that Scott the Engineer used to swim naked in his gym class. The caller also said he has a friend who works in the promo office and he says that they're doing promos for the show even after they return. Gary said they're booking guests too but that doesn't mean they're coming back. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about his big day yesterday. He said he went to his office to ''work'' which means he was napping. He said the wind was so bad that his the building and his office were creaking. He wasn't able to sleep.
Howard said he went to the Friar's Club roast of Quentin Tarantino last night too. He said he wouldn't go to that kind of thing but his agent loves the Friar's club. Howard said Beth enjoys it too. He said they go on too long. Howard said he might get worn out but he can't stand sitting through people who aren't funny. He said some are incredibly funny like Whitney Cummings but there are others that just aren't funny. Howard said that Jeffrey Ross and Sarah Silverman were very funny too. He said Rob Schneider was brilliant. Howard said he was the best one along with Whitney. Robin agreed about Rob. She said his stuff worked from beginning to end.
Howard said he loves a great roast because he certainly can't do that. Howard said it was going on for 3 hours and they don't edit it down. Robin said some people die up on stage and they just don't know to leave. Howard said he'd appreciate it if they just went through it faster. Howard said he's get the right material if he was doing something like that. Some are good at it and some aren't.
Howard said he was almost asleep at the table when Sarah Silverman got up there. Robin said she was surprised that Belzer doesn't do great. Howard said he didn't think his heart was in it.
Howard said he and Robin left with their agent and then Jerry Lewis went up. He said Pat Cooper was supposed to be the closer. Howard said he got up to leave and then Jerry got up. Howard said that Samuel L. Jackson yelled and told him that Jerry was getting up. Howard said he didn't think that Jerry wanted him there anyway. Howard said he heard it was a long, rambling speech. They seemed to think that he thought the roast was for him.
Howard said he was going to say hello to Jerry but he's had his kids on the show and stuff so he may not want to meet him. Robin said that he wouldn't be able to get to him anyway.
Howard said Kathy Griffin is funny but she didn't prepare any material either. Robin said she wasn't that good but she was good at the Joan Rivers roast. Howard said Kathy wasn't among the bad ones but she didn't have anything to say. Howard said he was on his phone with his daughter making plans instead of watching at some points.
Howard said Beth got all dressed up and so did Robin. Howard said he had a good time there but it was going on too long. He said it was torture sitting in the chair that long. He said there's a lot of commotion that goes on there. He said Whitney is coming in today to tell them some of her jokes. He said she's very attractive and a hell of a girl.
Howard said he had sex with Beth and then they went out to dinner. After that Beth went out to the house so he was home alone. Then he jerked off last night. He said his day was very busy.
Howard said that Eli Roth was pretty funny at the roast. He said he was surprised by that. Some of the material was about Greg Giraldo and in bad taste. Howard said that guy Eli used to sit outside his dressing room door on the set of Private Parts. Howard said he used to do security for him and he wrote a movie out there.
Robin said that Pat Cooper didn't have any material yesterday. She said that he did a horrible closing. Howard said he wasn't paying attention at that point. Robin said he was saying that he didn't know how Quentin was and things like that.
Howard said he used his iPad for watching porn last night. He went on YouPorn to get some stuff to watch. He said that site isn't as good as people think it is. He said none of the good porn stars are on there other than Bree Olson. Howard said that Jesse Jayne isn't on there. He said he thought he spelled it wrong but it says right on there that she's not available there. He said that Jenna Jameson isn't on there either.
Howard said he did find some lesbian porn to watch but he got bored with that. He said the one chick was too sloppy looking. He said he hates that porn stars don't stay in shape.
Benjy said that any porn star you want to see is on the web. He said that you can watch it right through Google. Howard said it's the iPad that's a problem. Gary told Howard that the iPad is the problem. He said that the stuff on YouPorn on the web and the stuff on the iPad are different.
Sal came in and told Howard that the best thing on the iPad is TubeGalore.com. Howard wrote that down. He said that he'll have to check it out. Sal said it's a great site that goes out and finds everything out there. He said he's not even sure how they make money.
Howard said he was reading about how Eminem is the best selling artist this year because he sold 2 million albums. Howard said you can tell that the record companies aren't making money now. He said that they used to sell 50 million. Howard said people are getting music for free now. He said he hates to say that people can get all of this stuff for free because people could get Sirius for free. He'd hate to see that happen.
Howard said he can't see how anyone in porn is making money now. He said that they should be making a couple of bucks. Benjy said those sites that steal stuff are the ones making money. They get advertising money.
Sal said that some of those sites can link to porn that you can't get in this country. He said that they don't allow pee porn here in this country so you have to get it from other countries. Howard said he doesn't get that. He wondered why it's wrong to do pee porn.
Sal said he saw some really disturbing stuff of some women doing fisting of the ass and then wiping it on each other. Howard said the Japanese are really into shitting. Sal said the Germans are too. He said they do some really weird stuff in Japan. They sell used panties out of vending machines there.
Howard talked about some of the weird stuff he's heard about. He said there's some porn where women are asked to shit on surfboards and stuff like that. Howard said that maybe it should be illegal.
Howard said there was a funny joke from Eli Roth about how he had fucked 3 of the women on the dais and then he smelled his fingers and then said he was with Sarah Silverman and he sniffed his arm.
Sal said that he was there with Richard. He said that they were writing some jokes for people and some of them were bailing and saying they didn't want to roast some of the people.
Howard talked about some of the people who weren't being that funny up there. Sal said that Freddy Roman loves to hear his own voice. He said he droned on a long time. Howard asked Sal what some of his unused jokes were. Sal said he had one about Kathy Griffin and how he wanted to say something to her face but he wasn't able to find her plastic surgeon's garbage can. Sal had some other jokes that he told Howard about. He said that he wrote a bunch that he gave to the director and he handed them out.
Sal said that Michael Madsen was a mess up there. Howard said he kind of liked him. Sal told Howard he had some good jokes but the people weren't roasting. He said it was really weird. Sal said that Rob Schneider was the MVP last night. Howard said he really knows how to roast. Howard said he didn't think he was going to do so well. Sal thought he was going to tank. Howard said he wished he had tape of Rob's set. He said he was really funny.
The guys talked about how Harvey Keitel didn't do so well. They said that he should have given it his best since he's such a legend.
Sal said that Eli Roth was really great too. They talked about some of his jokes that were in really bad taste. Sal said that he died laughing at some of the stuff and other people weren't laughing.
Howard said Jackie the Joke Man was there and wrote him a note saying he was going to say hi to him but he was surrounded by people. Sal said Jackie was in the very back row there. Howard said if he was still on the show he'd be in the front row with him.
Howard said Rob Schneider is a really funny guy. Sal said he saved that roast. He did it beautifully too. He said that Samuel Jackson just went through the motions too. He said he was getting to a point where he didn't understand what he was even talking about. Then he heard Jackie laughing at one of his jokes so he knew that Jackie had written it.
Robin said they were talking about what's going to happen with Howard and accusing each other of having information that they're withholding. Robin said that Steve Brandano was saying he'd be really mad at Gary if he knew something and didn't tell him. Howard wondered who Steve thinks he is.
Steve came in and said that Jason made him think that something was going on. He said that's where that whole conversation came from. Howard told Steve that he should be happy if the show goes away. He said he could get another job and double his salary. Howard said he still doesn't have a deal.
Howard said it's no wonder everyone loves him. He said they have a non stop party out in the halls there. Howard said he ran into Lisa G out in the hall and he has a new Lisa G-ism for Shuli. He said she said to him ''Oh, I forgot how tall you are.'' Howard said he used to get that when he was in high school when people would call him ''stretch.'' Howard said his dad had a friend who used to call him that too and he wanted to punch him in the face. He said the guy still wonders why he's not friends with him. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that ''stretch'' crap.
Howard said he had to car pool to Southside High School. He said the guys on the block were in the car pool and the kids wouldn't even say hello to him or his mom. Howard said it was really weird.
Howard said he had a kid in the car that wouldn't even say hi to him. He looked that guy up on Facebook and he looks 90 now. He said he loves that. Howard said he hated everyone back when he was a kid. Howard said black people were mean to him but he kind of understood the times and why they were so angry. Howard said there were no white people around and they were being treated badly. Howard said he got it. Howard said he stated to understand that he was a vomit.
Howard told a story about going into the lunch room the first day of high school. He said all of the kids had their friends there and there were a bunch of good looking girls there. He said that he looked like Tiny Tim at the time. He said he wasn't allowed to wear jeans at the time so he had Tiny Tim pants on and everything. Howard said he went to the lunch room and people would move away from him at the lunch table. Howard said he ate by himself. He said he was kind of happy about that. Howard said at Roosevelt some kids would beat the shit out of him and steal his lunch. He said that it was better that no one bothered him at Southside. Howard said one guy grabbed his salad and shoved it in his mouth at Roosevelt. Howard said he was just a little boy and this guy was like a monster. He was a shakedown artist and a criminal. Howard said he'd bet that he's dead by now.
Howard said he sat there for weeks alone. Then this guy Marty came over to him and finally said that it looked like he could use a friend. He said that Marty had just moved there too so he became his friend. Howard said that he told him where he came from in Brooklyn and it was in one of the toughest areas of Brooklyn so he was in a similar situation to his. Howard said they became friends.
Howard said he tried to be friends with Marty back in the NBC days but it didn't work out. He said he'll always be grateful to him for befriending him in school though.
Howard said he'd like to take back everything bad he's ever said about Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. He said she works on herself and keeps herself in shape. He said she doesn't have the best face but she has sex appeal. Howard said he loves that she's running around with those black guys. Howard said he knows that she's banged every one of those Black Eyed Peas.
Howard said Pink is trying to keep herself in shape and she's pregnant. Howard said she has too many circus performers in her act though. Howard said that there's no rock anymore and they only gave out one award to a rock band on that American Music Awards show. Howard said they had one rock award that they gave to Muse and they were pretty good. Howard asked Fred if he had any of their stuff in the system. Fred found a couple of Muse songs and played them for him. Howard wasn't sure which song it was that he heard.
Howard said he wasn't sure if that was the song or not when Fred played one of them. He said he's not sure what they were playing.
Howard said some band said hi to him yesterday at the roast. He wasn't sure who they were. Howard said he ran into Robert Wuhl too but he wasn't roasting. He was just sitting at the Dais. Howard said he met Steve Buscemi too. He said he almost blew the guy because he was so happy to meet him. He said he wasn't able to think of the show he's on. He said he told him he's the fucking man though. Howard said Steve didn't know what to say to him. Howard said the guy is a little guy and he didn't know what to say to him. Robin said he may have been overwhelmed that Howard was talking to him. Howard said he was star struck when he met Steve.
Howard said he got up to leave and then Sam Jackson yelled out to him to stay. He said he was staying but he was actually leaving. Howard said he had to get out of there. Howard said he didn't want to be rude but he had sat there for 3 hours already.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be Marty from the lunch room. Howard said it wasn't really him. He said he thinks that Robin met him once actually.
Howard said KC was on the phone too. Howard picked up on him. He asked what he was doing the other day when he was singing and not talking to him. KC said he was just passing the time. Howard said he's worried about him. KC said he's worried too. He laughed maniacally when he said that.
Howard asked KC what's going on with his court case. KC said he's going to have to plead guilty. He said he thinks that they're going to give him a deal. He said he should get probation up there in Alaska but he won't be going back there.
Howard said he thought KC was having a nervous breakdown the other morning. KC said he didn't know they heard that. He said he was singing along to a Lou Reed song.
Howard wanted to get KC's IQ test done. KC said he never took it on the show but he took it on his own and got tired in the middle. Howard wondered if KC is smarter than Bobo. KC said he is. Howard said he can't believe that KC is smarter. He said that he took an SAT test and got a 700 combined. KC said it's a hard test.
Will came in and said that he spoke to KC's tranny yesterday. KC told him not to call her his tranny. Will called the person his chick with a dick instead.
Howard said KC used to have some major anger issues with women. Will said KC asked if the tranny sounded like a chick. Will said she really didn't. He said that the Tranny won't come on the show either. He said it sounds like a serious thing too.
Howard asked KC what went on with him and the tranny. Will said that the tranny still sounds like she's into KC. Howard asked KC if he would call her and try to get her on the show. KC said he told the guy that he didn't want her to do that to another guy because the guy would beat the shit out of her. KC told her to lose his number.
Howard told KC to take him through it again. He wanted to know what happened in the hotel room. Howard said Will said that she sounded like a guy. KC said he sounded like a chick to him. Howard asked KC about what went on in the hotel room. KC said he just wasn't into it and he had to stop doing what he was doing. KC said that he may have felt some stubble on the face while he was making out with her. Howard said he had to know it was a dude. KC said that she was grabbing his pin and he just wasn't into it. KC said he didn't drop a load.
Fred did his tranny voice which was going between a high and low voice. Howard got a laugh out of that. Howard asked if the chick was hard. KC said that she wasn't hard and she looked like a chick. Fred did more of his impression and goofed on KC a little bit. Howard asked KC to get that chick on the show. KC said he hasn't spoken to her in a long time. Howard said he has to get her on. KC said he will do it for Howard. He said he doesn't want to relive it but he'll make the call.
Fred played a bunch of Richard Christy's song parodies about KC. He had a ton of them that he had created years ago.
Gary said that they have it in their log that KC took an IQ test online and got a 90. Howard said he has to get this tranny in there. Howard said they'll put her in a line up and see if he can pick her out of the line up. KC said that sounds fair.
KC got in a plug for the web site GetPaidWithFitness.com and Howard had no idea what he was talking about in his pitch. KC told Howard about it and said he loves them. Howard said he wants KC to come in there with the tranny. KC said he will do that. KC then said ''I'm gone...'' and hung up. Howard said he's gone alright. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Whitney Cummings was there. Gary told him that she was in the bathroom so Howard had Lisa G come in instead.
Lisa said she was sorry for upsetting Howard earlier with the tall comment. Howard said it was funny that she didn't know he was tall.
Lisa said that Gary taped his appearance with Rachel Ray yesterday. They played an 80s Trivia game with him and the show will air on December 21st. Lisa said they're taping a bunch of shows and then she's going out to promote her own book. Howard said he'd like to tape a bunch of shows ahead of time too. Robin said Rachel is only taping one hour shows though.
Lisa said they have an update on Richard's band Charred Walls of the Dammed. One of their songs was featured in the TV show ''Good Guys'' recently.
Lisa mentioned that the Grammy Awards were announced yesterday and no one from the show was nominated. Nothing for Jackie or anyone else. Howard said he's shocked that Jackie's album didn't get noticed.
Howard said it's a shame that the roast won't be on TV. Whitney said that happens a lot with her. She said even her own TV shows don't get shown on TV. Whitney said that she likes doing it when she has no pressure on her.
Howard said he wanted Whitney to repeat some of her jokes because they were so good. Whitney said she's glad he's going to do that. Howard asked what she felt was wrong with the roast. He said that some of the people don't know how to roast. Whitney said they seem to think that comedy is easy and she's not sure where that came from.
Howard asked about Rob Schneider and how good he was. Whitney said that even with the bar being set so low he did really well. Howard said he knows Rob and he didn't think that he was going to do well. He said that he thought he was going to get slaughtered. Then he got up there and killed. Howard said he blasted away.
Howard asked Whitney if she knew how funny he was. Whitney said Rob is kind of a punchline now but he had some excellent jokes. Howard said the guy writes his own stuff too. Whitney said that roast jokes are a different science and he did really good.
Howard said if he was going to do a roast he'd prepare a lot of lines. He wondered why people go up there unprepared. Whitney said a lot of people did that and she's not sure what they were thinking. Howard said he had a female director for his movie and he almost insisted on it. Howard said that women will go through a process to do a job and they don't just jump right into it. He said a guy will think they can just do it.
Whitney said that Rob had one of the best jokes about John Travolta. She said that he said that John wasn't there because ''There was a Fags in Denial Who Believe in Aliens convention.'' Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked Whitney about giving a joke to Jerry Lewis during the roast. She said she didn't do that. She said that she will sometimes give her jokes to the other comedians. She and Jeffrey Ross were talking a lot during the roast. She said they were just asking about which jokes to use. Howard said he thought Jeff was just bothering her and trying to throw her off. Whitney said that's not what it was at all.
Howard said he saw that Brett Ratner was there and he didn't have anything to say. Whitney said he had a lot of confidence and he must have been doing jokes that someone else wrote for him. She said that his pone even rang in the middle of his set and he had to turn his phone off.
Howard said that some guys just slow things down when they're not prepared. Robin said they kill the momentum of the roast. Whitney said that some of the people have to follow the best in the business and it's not easy.
Robin asked about Belzer and what was up with him. Whitney said that he was just going through the motions. They talked about how he carries that dog everywhere. Howard said Belzer moved to France a few years ago and he loves the Parisian's. Howard said he thinks that the people over there carry their dogs around and he might be trying to be French. Whitney said that she wrote some jokes about Belzer that she read through. She had some funny stuff about him. Whitney said that when you do a roast you can't just be mean. She said you have to care.
Howard said his agent invited him and Robin to the roast. He said he appreciates that they do it for the soldiers and all but when he was sitting there he was really tired by the end of it. Howard said he thought Pat Cooper was the last one to go and he got up to leave. Then Samuel L. Jackson told him not to leave because Jerry Lewis wanted him to stay. Howard said he was going to stay but he was actually leaving. Howard said he didn't want to fuck anyone up but he had to get out of there.
Howard asked Whitney what Jerry did. He said he read that he didn't know that the roast wasn't for him. Whitney said he wanted to get out of there by that point so she didn't listen to that much of it. She said that they tuned out by that point too. She said that she and Sarah just wanted to get out of there. Whitney said that Sarah had some great lines about Jerry. She told some of those lines and they talked about how Jerry had his head down a lot there at the roast. Howard asked if Whitney passed a note to Jerry or not. She said she didn't think she did.
Whitney wanted Howard to tell her more about his crush on her. Howard said he really thinks she's attractive. Howard said she's so funny and brilliant and he imagines that when a guy is with her it must be great. He said that it must be exciting to be in conversation with her too. Whitney said she does have a lot of passion. She wondered if guys find that to be emasculating and intimidating. Whitney said she tries to cry a lot so she shows weakness.
Howard asked if she's always trying to be funny. Whitney said she isn't like that all the time. She said she doesn't want to do her job all the time. Robin said that the guys must be afraid that they'd become material for her act.
Howard asked Whitney if she shaves her pubes. She said that she's lasered so she has no hair down there. Howard said he didn't think that a comedienne would care. She said that she's seeing a guy now but it's hard to get too serious. She said she's off the road soon so she'll be able to get more serious. She said she doesn't usually attract serious guys though. Howard said he'd be serious. He said that he could never deal with someone who was out on the road all the time.
Howard told Whitney about how he and Beth had sex yesterday because she looked so good at the roast. Whitney said she really did look good.
Howard said that Whitney's comedy Central special is now available through iTunes. She asked if Howard and Beth saw it. Howard said they did watch it and loved it. Howard asked if she can get more money after doing something like that. Whitney said she does get more money but she still prefers to do the small clubs.
Howard asked Whitney about what kind of deals she has in the works. He said he has the feeling she's on the cusp of something big. She said she's shooting a pilot for E! in January. She said she has an NBC pilot in the works too. Howard asked if she'll get neurotic and lock herself in a room hoping she doesn't get sick before the pilot. She said she's not like that. She said that the E! show thing would be a 5 night a week thing so that would keep her busy. Howard asked if she'll be at a comedy club the night before. She said she goes to bed at 10 so she won't be out doing comedy.
Howard asked Whitney what kind of guests she's going to have. Whitney said they have to call a favor of a friend to do the pilot. She said that she will be doing it with a studio audience too. Howard said if a guest blows then it'll make her look bad. Howard said that if someone is shitty you can't make them good. He said sometimes it's just awful. Whitney said that she imagines what that would be like for her pilot. She said that she may have to tell the guest that they're awful.
Whitney said that Chelsea Handler is going to be producing her show. Howard asked if she had to sleep with Chelsea since Chelsea had to sleep with Ted Harbert to get her job. Whitney said she didn't have to do that and she thinks that Chelsea has earned what she has. She said she has proven that she deserved that job. Whitney said that she's the real deal and she's real honest.
Howard asked Whitney if she'll be able to get into a real relationship if she gets that show on E!. She said that she would be able to do that but she's not sure. Whitney said the guy she's seeing is a writer. Howard said he doesn't like him already.
Whitney said that she's attracted to Howard too. Howard didn't believe it. He said he's too old for her. Whitney said she wants to be with a guy who needs her and doesn't do better than her. Howard asked when she last saw her boyfriend. She said it was the last time she was in L.A. Howard asked what she thinks about when she's on the road and her boyfriend isn't around. She said that she thinks about her boyfriend. She said she has no desire to think about being with other guys. She said she doesn't want to do the condom thing.
Howard said that he uses condoms. He said that he doesn't want Beth on birth control pills. He said that's too dangerous. Whitney said that she's on this birth control where she never has her period. She gets really bad migraines when she has her period so she prefers it that way. Howard said he can last longer with the condoms. He said that it makes him thicker too and he needs that. He said that he has a pencil dick. Whitney said that she can't believe that he wears condoms. She said that was shocking.
Robin said Howard was out shaking a lot of hands at the roast yesterday. Howard said that's because Beth brought along a bottle of Purell. He said that he can work it so no one notices that he's doing it. Robin said she thought Howard was being very good about it and not gelling. Howard said that's how good he's gotten.
Howard asked Whitney what she would do for him in bed. She said she has to over compensate in other ways because her boobs aren't that big. Howard said he feels that she has a nice B-cup. She said that they do fluctuate but they are around that size. She said that her boobs just about disappear when she lays down. Howard said he has to cover up his ass when he leaves the room because he doesn't want to gross out Beth.
Whitney told Howard she has some cellulite on her ass just like Howard does. She said that everyone does. Then she said that Beth doesn't. Howard said that she really doesn't. He said that she barely defecates. He said she goes like once every few weeks. Robin and Whitney said that's not good. You're supposed to go like 3 times a day. Howard said he worries about her too but one doctor said that it's not necessarily true that it's bad for you. Robin was ready to lecture Howard about that.
Whitney told Howard about doing colonic's. Howard said that Robin does those and she holds them in. Robin said she does enemas, not colonic's. Howard said that he's going to brag for Robin. She does her ''fill'' and holds it in for minutes. The guy who gave her the enema was impressed with how much and how long she held it in.
Howard asked Whitney who the funniest person was at the roast yesterday. Whitney said that Sarah is the one she laughed the most at. She said Rob was good but she was more in shock and awe. Howard asked Whitney if she was the funniest one. Whitney said she doesn't think that way. She said she was pleased with her set though. Howard asked who the worst was out of everyone. Whitney said ''Michael Madness'' accidentally but then corrected herself and said that Michael Madsen wasn't that good.
Howard had Whitney tell some of her jokes that she told during the roast yesterday. Whitney went through some jokes about Sam Jackson, Kathy Griffin, Quentin Tarantino and others. They talked about some of the other jokes that the other comedians were telling.
Howard asked Whitney about this NBC pilot. She said that she'll find out later next year if they're going to pick that up. Whitney said that something has to hit soon. She said that she's got a lot going on so something has to hit.
Whitney got back to reading some of her jokes. She read some stuff she wrote about Rob Schneider. She was really bashing him in her act but she said that's a big compliment at a roast.
Whitney asked Howard about Eli Roth working for his movie. Howard told her that he had an apartment there on the set of the movie and he didn't like being there alone. He said that Eli sat outside of his room all night and he would write his movies outside his room. He was writing them all with a pencil. Howard said he did that for four months. then he hears he got a movie deal and that turned out to be ''Cabin Fever.'' He said that he wrote it all with a pencil. He said that was pretty amazing to him. Howard said that was a freaky story. Whitney said that Eli really loves Howard and he loves doing comedy too.
Whitney read some of her jokes about Eli that she did at the roast yesterday. She had some about Kathy Griffin in there too and she thought that it might be over the line. She said that Kathy was fine with it though.
Whitney read some more of her jokes about Richard Belzer, John Travolta, and some others. They went over a bunch of the funny stuff that was going on at the roast.
Howard gave Whitney a plug for her comedy special ''Money Shot'' that's available on iTunes. She's also doing a New Year's Eve show on MTV. He said that's a big deal for her. Howard asked who her co-host is. She said she's doing it with the Jersey Shore cast. Whitney said that she finds Snookie to be kind of hot. Howard said he doesn't watch the show. Whitney said she'll be roasting the cast during the show that night. Whitney said she asked Snookie about doing her show and she said she didn't know what to expect to see on the show because she was drunk the whole time.
Howard asked Whitney if she's been working out because he can see a bicep vein. She said she thinks she has abs from doing stand-up. She said she doesn't really work out.
Howard said he thinks that Whitney is looking really good. He said he's not sure how she looks when her clothes come off but she looks good. Whitney joked that she eats a lot of cum. Howard said he feels bad for women and he always pulls out when he's lucky enough to get a blow job. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was kind of digging Patti Smith who did a cover of ''Smells Like Teen Spirit.'' He said he kind of liked it. Howard said he heard she doesn't like him much. Howard said he's not sure why but get in line. Howard played the song and talked about some of her other work. Howard said this song was kind of hypnotic. He was liking it.
Howard said he doesn't hate Patti but she apparently hates him. He said a lot of people hate him. He said that a lot of women seem to hate him. He said he loves women though so he's not sure why that would be. Howard said it's fine if he wants to see naked women if they want to get naked for him. Howard said he likes to see the kind of shape women are in.
Howard said there was a book a few years ago where they took pictures of people in their street clothes and then took them naked and it's fascinating to see what they look like. Robin said that it is interesting to see what the body is doing when you're naked. Howard said he likes Whitney Cummings and he'd like her even more if she was naked.
Howard played the clip and it sounded like they were on an AM station. The host asked Dennis what was going on with him. Dennis was talking basketball with him but you could hear strange noises in the background. Dennis was in the middle of getting blown by some chick. Dennis was laughing and apologizing to the guy. The host asked what they were up to. They said they were doing nothing. They were laughing and not able to get a sentence out.
Howard said he was getting annoyed. The phone connection was really bad. JD said it gets better. Robin said what she heard was more clear. JD said that you eventually hear the girl talking and it sounds like she's got something in her mouth. Howard said he would have hung up on him and told him to call back.
Howard played more of the clip and Dennis was just laughing and rambling. The host asked what was going on there. Dennis told him to ask the girl because she was right there doing it. He said she's awesome. He put her back on the phone and the guy asked what she's doing with him. She said they were doing nothing. She told the host she was just having coffee.
Howard asked what's more manly than getting a BJ on a sports station. He said he's going to hang in a little longer. He let it play some more. Dennis was saying that life is awesome. Dennis asked her to stop for a second because he was close. She was telling him to talk about his trainer and things like that and then sucking sounds could be heard. Dennis kept talking as she was going at it. Howard said that she must be really good because Dennis was making no sense.
Howard said Dennis has a schlong the size of a boat so that's a lot to cover with your mouth. Dennis was just rambling and not making any sense. The host asked if he was getting it on in his car. Dennis said that he was in the bedroom. Dennis kept going and he sounded so happy while it was going on. Howard said that's what a blow job can do for a man. Howard told Robin to keep that in mind.
Dennis told the host that he was so in the mix. The guy asked why he was calling him then. Dennis was mumbling something but it wasn't clear what he was talking about.
Howard said he was sorry he wasn't there to take that call. He said he was on vacation. Howard said he would have made Dennis get on a better line though. He said it had to be an AT&T connection. He said he loves this Verizon.
Howard said there's this new thing that Sprint is coming out with that looks like a tablet but not really. He said it might be a phone. Robin said it did look like a tablet. Howard said that the ad is really bad and he can't even tell what it is. Howard said they have this full page ad for this thing and it doesn't explain what it is. Howard said that it might be called First or Evo. Howard said that it was on a stand. Gary said that Scott DePace says he has one.
Howard asked DePace how it was. Scott said that it's great. He said the screen is larger than a Blackberry. He said he has no problem with the fake keyboard. It runs Android. Howard said he doesn't like the touchscreen. Scott said that it's great actually. Howard said he needs the BBM thing. He has to be able to stay in touch with his daughter. Howard the advertising really sucks for that phone.
Gary said Jon Hein wanted to go but his wife wanted to go too so he has to take her. Jon is on the waiting list but he may not get tickets. Howard said that Benjy probably didn't get considered. Benjy said he asked but Tim said he'd put him on the waiting list. Howard said that list is probably bullshit. He said no one on the list is going to get it.
Howard said it's going to lead to terrible feelings there for the staff. Robin said that she's taking Ralph with her. She said she wished that she knew that Jon Hein wanted to go. She would have taken him instead. Robin said she would have taken him if she had known. Howard said Ralph will appreciate it too though.
Howard said he got four seats so he must have some juice there. He said he asked for a fifth but couldn't get it.
Howard said he has one last pair of tickets and he's going to give them to Wolfie. Howard said he deserves them. Howard asked how long he's been listening to them. He said he subscribed before they even started there. Howard said that Wolfie goes out and does interviews for free. Howard said the guy deserves it.
Howard asked Wolfie who he's going to take. Wolfie said he'll probably be taking his wife. Howard told Robin that she has to get dressed up for this thing. Gary is taking his wife too. Gary said he took his kids to see Paul last year and it was great. He said it won't be that long before they'll never get to see him perform again.
Howard said his daughter asked him to get an autograph from Paul McCartney and he didn't think he could do that but he was taking her to this concert. Howard said he might be able to get back stage and have her meet Paul. Howard said his daughter wants to put his autograph up on her wall. He said he wouldn't normally bother someone like that. He said for his daughter he might. Howard said he doesn't want to bug the guy but fuck it, he can sign a piece of paper for her. That led to them playing Ringo Starr's ''peace and love'' message where he says he won't sign anything for anyone anymore.
Wolfie said he interviewed Brent Spiner at a convention this summer and Brent is trying to get on the show. He said that his career is really bad and he'd like to get on the show to talk about that. Howard said that might be kind of cool.
Howard said that a lot of fans write bad shit about Wolfie but he likes the guy. Howard said everyone hates everyone on the show. He said it's all haters. Howard said they have the angriest group. Fred threw in Scott the Engineer's ''Fuck everyone!'' clip as Howard was talking about that.
Ralph called in so Howard was talking about how Beth has seen how miserable he is. Howard said he's always been miserable. He said he's just not happy. He's still working on it with the psychiatrist. He said he might be cured by the time he's 84.
Howard said he was leaving the roast yesterday and this guy called him a douche bag. He said that he signs stuff for this guy all the time and he's signed a bunch of stuff for him. Howard said it was pouring rain yesterday and he just got in his car. Howard said the guy called him a ''fucking douche bag'' as he got into the car. Howard said the guy claims to be from North Carolina but he's always there in the city. Howard said he doesn't care anymore. He said the guy isn't a fan. He said he's just ripping his fans off by selling that crap to them at ridiculous prices.
Ralph asked if Robin is really upset that she's not taking Jon Hein. Robin said that she wouldn't take Jon over Ralph. She said that she just knows how much Jon loves the Beatles. Ralph said he loves McCartney. Howard said Ralph is a recent convert. He said that just a couple of years ago he was talking about how much the Beatles suck.
Jon Hein came in so Howard asked if he had something to say. Howard said Jon would never put Robin on the spot. Ralph said he didn't do that. He said he didn't even bring it up. Robin said he did too. Robin said that Ralph said he wanted to go to the concert and that's how it came up.
Howard said Ralph came to him and said that he wanted to come in and sit in the studio during the Billy Joel interview. Howard said he would usually say yes to him but he really didn't want him in there. Howard said he's been trying to get Billy on the show for years and he didn't want this shlub sitting in there.
Robin said she knows huge fans of Billy's that would like to sit in the studio but she can't have them do that. She said that she has to say that Howard would never allow it. Howard said he told Ralph that they were having this McCartney concert and he'd have him go to that. Then he found out he couldn't get him a ticket. He knew that Ralph would call for a ticket. Robin said she could have given the ticket to Fred if she knew he wasn't going to be able to go.
Jon finally got to say that Ralph isn't a fan and he just wants to go because of what it is. Ralph doesn't know any of the songs or anything. Ralph said he's not a superfan. He said he knows Jon is a bigger fan. He said Jon is a mental patient though. He's like Mr. Data for the Beatles. Jon said that he knew who got tickets there and Tim said that he had a list he had to put him on. Howard said it's amazing that Ralph got in. Jon said it really is.
Ralph said he got to see Jon Favreau editing a scene for Cowboys & Aliens. He said it was the coolest thing ever. Ralph said Jon said to him that he could show him the first few reels of what they had done. He said he told Jon he thought he could carve out a few minutes. He said the movie is so fucking great.
Howard said Ralph networks with all of his friends. Howard said the reason people like hanging out with Ralph is that he's a nice guy but he has a lot of free time. Howard said anyone with a real job doesn't have time to go to Jon Favreau's to see him edit. Ralph said this was on a Monday at 7 o'clock. Howard said Ralph was supposed to be there working for him and he had forgotten that he had canceled.
Howard said Ralph got Robin because he was at Thanksgiving dinner with Robin and Sam Simon. He has time to hang out. Ralph is on permanent vacation.
Howard said the real comeuppance is going to be when he leaves radio. Ralph isn't going to be able to make money. He said he wonders if he's put anything away. Howard said Ralph is 45 and he has no game plan. Howard said it's good that he's going out and doing these things now. He said that the best thing for Ralph would be for him to die in a year. Ralph said Howard is horrible. Howard said he gets pissed off when someone doesn't have a game plan like Ralph.
Howard asked Ralph what he's going to do. Ralph said he doesn't have a plan. He said he has a couple bucks put away. He said he doesn't really have a plan. Jon said he doesn't need one. Look at what he's been doing for the past 25 years. Jon said he respects that on some level. Ralph said a game plan would fuck him up at this point.
Ralph said he didn't ask Robin to bring him to the concert either. Robin said that he did bring it up though. Howard said Ralph spent like a week and a half at Sam Simon's house and he didn't flinch. Ralph said that Sam didn't even want him to leave. He said he loves having him out there. Howard said Ralph says he has a couple of bucks put away and he literally means a couple of bucks. He said he probably has 5 bucks put away.
Vinnie Favale called in and said he'd like to be on that waiting list. He said he's like the 5th Beatle. Howard said that Vinnie was in the studio when they interviewed Ringo. Howard said that the fans were pissed that he had Vinnie in there. Jon said that Vinnie was answering questions for Ringo.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about all of this cool stuff Ralph gets to do with his friends. Howard said he spends time with Sandra Bernhard and people like that. Howard said maybe Ralph can call Vinnie and hold his phone up while the concert is on.
Howard said Ralph has done it again getting this ticket. Gary said that when Modern Family came out they all loved it but Ralph hated it. He said all of a sudden Ralph watched it and said he loved it eventually and then he ended up on the set with Danny Zucker on the set of the show. Howard said that Ralph should go out and create something on his own. Ralph was laughing at them talking about all of this. Gary said that Jason is wondering why he's not out there on the set since he loved the show from day one.
Howard asked Ralph if he was working out in Los Angeles and if he had some clothing sized. Ralph said he didn't do that out there but he is getting the work done. Ralph said he did get to go to the place that made that Iron Man mask that Jon Favreau sent to Howard. Howard said this is the kind of stuff Ralph is doing. He said he has no game plan and it drives him crazy. Ralph said that Robin is out there every weekend. Howard said she's earned it though.
Jon Hein said that his daughter's dance song at her Bat Mitzvah was ''Golden Slumbers.'' He said that's how much he likes the Beatles. Howard said that Ralph is going to say that he's never heard that song when Paul plays it.
Howard asked Vinnie how Dave is doing. Vinnie said that Dave is off this week but their ratings are great. He said that they're neck and neck but it wasn't like that for a long time. Jon said that Leno is beating them in overall numbers. Vinnie said he's not. Jon said he is too. He said that Leno gets bigger ratings nightly. Vinnie said that they can say that weekly they are beating Jay. He said it's much closer now than it was in the past. Jon said that's true.
Howard told the guys that he's going to have a big announcement in about 6 months. He said it's going to be interesting to everyone and for Dave. Howard didn't elaborate on that. Howard said he had to run and get this show over.
Howard said he loves Rob but he has to stop with the other projects he's working on. He said they have to do a killer monologue and one bit and then get into the guests. He said they have to stop with the endless bits. Gary said he doesn't understand it either. He said he watches both shows and he doesn't get why Jay wins. Howard said that Dave has stopped fucking the interns so he should have time to work on the show. He said he has to go on Dave's show and ask why he can't beat Jay. He'll have a meeting right on the air with Dave and Rob. Fred ended up doing a Stuttering John impression and goofed on him for a minute.
Howard interrupted and said that he had to play the Gossip Game and no one reminded him. He said he has to get a note about that. He said he needs a reminder. Howard said that they reminded him at 9:35.
Steve said that Gary is heading off to Florida today and he's got a cold coming on. Howard said he has a cold because he's on a plane every fucking minute. Gary said Steve asks him every day how he's feeling and today he said he thought he had a cold coming on. Gary said he doesn't know what Howard wants him to do. He said he told him not to cancel so he didn't cancel anything.
Steve said that Greg Fitzsimmons was on Jimmy Kimmel last night and he's hosting a book signing at the Hollywood Improv.
Steve said that Larry King is going to be going out to do stand-up comedy when he's done at CNN. Howard said Larry has never made anyone laugh anywhere on this planet. Howard played a clip from Kimmel where Larry talked about the things he's planning on doing. Howard said that he's never made anyone laugh.
Howard tried to get Mike Walker on the line to play his game. He wasn't there. Gary said it would take a few seconds to get him up. Howard asked why that was. Gary said they thought he was going to break first. Howard said he'd take a break then.
Howard came back and had Mike Walker on the line to play his game. Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Robin started her news with a story about pet owners and what it says about your profession. Robin said that dog owners are more likely to be CEOs or people in those type of positions. Robin said that everyone owns a dog though so she doesn't get this. Howard said the story is bullshit. He said Mel Karmazin has a dog but so does Scott the Engineer. Robin read about some of the other pets that people have and the types of people who own them. Howard spent a few minutes talking about pets and how wrong it is to lock birds up in a cage. He talked about his bird, Dickie, that died and how his parents lied to him about burying it when it died. He said he just found out a few years ago they just threw it in the garbage.
Robin read a story about a news anchor who was arrested for growing pot plants in his yard. Robin said they found several plants in his yard. They were going to drop charges until they found out that he was a reporter.
Robin read a story about some televangelists who are complaining about being the victims of extortion. Howard said this is a red letter day when televangelists are complaining about someone trying to take money from them. Robin read the details of the story and how they admitted that the husband had an affair and they wouldn't pay money to anyone. They would rather reveal it on their show than pay money. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 10:15am, Howard came back and said he had the tape of the televangelists talking about this affair. Howard played the clip and talked about what phonies those televangelists are and how they dupe people out of their money. He said they're basically stealing from their followers. Howard said that they have to put on that phony voice of theirs and talk real soft. Howard played a few seconds and then he'd go off on them. The wife was being really nice to her husband and then the husband gets on and says he's madly in love with her. Howard said he thought Liberace had just come on when he heard the guy's voice. JD had pulled the clip so he looked up the affair and they said that he had an affair with a woman, not a transvestite or anything like that.
Howard played more of the clip and the wife said that she found out a few years ago that her husband had an emotional affair with a woman and it got more serious. The husband said he took 100 percent responsibility for that. He said his wife, Joanie, had no blame there. He said that he doesn't even blame the devil, it's all on him. They then talked about the person trying to extort money out of them.
Benjy looked up some information and said that the wife looks like she might have been hot like 15 years ago. He said she's kind of like Delta Burke. They spent a few more minutes talking about that story.
Robin read a story about how the suspect in the killing of Ronni Chasen has killed himself. Robin read some details of that and Howard talked about who Ronni was and how she got killed on her way home from an award show. Howard said the guy shot her 5 times in the chest. Robin asked if they know why. Howard said they still don't know but the guy they were looking into killed himself.
Robin read a story about a woman who tried to stab her boyfriend with a fondue fork. She read the details of that story.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said he just read that bedbugs are up there in Boston now. He wondered who is bringing them there. Howard said he was reading a story about DDT and how it's safer than they say it is and one guy did a documentary about it and the guy drank it. Howard said that it was all a scam by hippies to get it banned. Howard said it's absurd and an epidemic.
Robin read a story about Glenn Beck doing a theater show that's going to be simulcast in some movie theaters. Howard said he must be good if he can get that kind of exposure. Howard said that guy must be thrilled after getting out of the morning zoo business. Robin said that he charges you to see him but then you get his book for free. Howard told Gary he should try that.
Robin read about a some billboards that are saying that Jesus is coming back soon. She said there's a guy out there saying that's going to happen.
Robin said that Jennifer Grey is going to have surgery. Howard said she's so full of shit. He said he should call her and tell her about Dr. Sarno. Howard said he could cure her of her back pain. Howard said there is no ruptured disk like she thinks she has. Howard said if she really had a back problem she wouldn't have been able to dance at all.
Robin read a story about how astronomers have underestimated the number of stars in the sky. Howard said he doesn't see that many in the sky now. Robin said there's too much light in New York to see them. Robin said if you go somewhere remote and it's really dark you can see how many there really are. Howard said no. He said he doesn't see them and something is up. Robin said astronomers say that the universe might contain 300 sextillion stars. That's a 3 followed by 23 zeros. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how computers and video games are still the most wanted Christmas gifts. She had some audio of Cat Schwartz giving some advice to parents about games and what to get for the kids.
Robin read a story about a doctor who discovered AIDS and how he commemorated World AIDS Day. Robin had some audio of that doctor talking about some things that they've learned about HIV infections.
Howard read a few emails about the shows this week. He said some people like Ronnie's sideburns. They liked Pat Manocchia on the show. Howard read through a few of those and said that Pat was the number one Google search yesterday. He said he was shocked. Howard read a few other emails about Pat's appearance and the fans seemed to like the interview. They were also talking about Wendy Williams in the email. Howard said there was a lot of love in the air but that will change.
Robin read a story about an exercise ball that broke and caused an injury to a Sacramento Kings. They're suing the ball maker because of that. Robin said the player was out for months because of the injury.
Robin read about the Grammy Awards that are taking place in February. She had some audio of some people talking about how the awards still mean something. Howard said he loves all of those award shows.
Robin read about Natalie Portman's new movie ''Black Swan'' that's opening this week. Robin said it looks good to her. Howard said he's sure Beth will shlep him to it. Howard said he watched ''Sex and the City 2'' last weekend and he loved it. Howard said he loves Sarah Jessica Parker and all of the outfit changes she makes. Howard said he watched ''Eat Pray Love'' too but that was fuckin' rough. Robin had some audio of Natalie Portman talking about that movie. Howard said he has two scripts to read on his desk. That's what his agent told him. He said he hopes there's something out there that he can do. He said he'd like to do another movie.
Robin had some audio of Winona Ryder talking about that movie ''Black Swan.'' Howard said if he does a movie he wouldn't want to do it with a shoplifter. Howard said he wouldn't want to leave his stuff laying around if she was there. Howard said Beth doesn't want him doing a movie because she's afraid that he'll fall for his co-star. He said she shouldn't worry because he's only into Beth.
Fred threw in some clips of Dave Lampert talking to Raven on the Sybian. Robin asked if they're ever going to get him in there. Howard said they have booked him to come in with Little Lupe. Howard said they are going to make that happen before the show ends. Howard said it looks more and more like the show is going to come to an end there. He said he doesn't see anything happening so he's thinking they're done there.
Robin had some audio of Kate Bosworth talking about a new movie she's in. Howard said she really has no idea what she's talking about. She was talking about how ninja's are like dancers. Howard said that's not why people are going to see that movie. He just wants to see guys beating the shit out of each other with some nudity. He said he bets he could make that movie and it would be a hit.
Robin had some audio of Kirsten Dunst talking about a new movie she's in with Ryan Gossling. Robin said he's the guy in that movie where he has the real doll as a girlfriend. Howard said that movie is great. They spent a minute talking about that before playing Dunst's audio clip. Howard said he doesn't want to work with her either after hearing that clip.
Robin read some news about a woman who went through airport security in bra and panties. Robin said that the woman said that she's usually hand searched since she's in a wheelchair. Howard said that they know who to search and they don't have to put people through this.
Robin read about how they have Lee Harvey Oswald's casket up for sale. They have had some bids on it so far but it's only up to $5,000. Howard wondered what kind of asshole would buy that.
Robin read about how Neve Campbell getting divorced. Howard said she was sitting on the dais at the roast yesterday and only one person referred to her. Howard said that no one cares about her. Howard and Robin talked about how Danny Aiello was waving to Howard and blowing kisses to him during the roast yesterday. Howard said he thought he was doing that to someone else. He didn't know he was waving to him. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:05am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the McCartney stuff first. Jon said that everyone wants tickets but the only people on the show that got them were Howard, Gary, Fred and Robin. Jon said that Ralph is going with Robin and you have to respect how he gets to go to things like this.
Gary said that when you watch sports you see a guy you hate but you want him on your team. He said that's what Ralph is like. He said you want to have the balls to be like that. Gary said sometimes he wishes he could be like Ralph. Jon said he would never do that. He said he feels uncomfortable asking.
Robin was in so she said that Ralph just sort of mentions the McCartney thing and he's always getting things. Jon said that there's something in him that wouldn't do that.
Gary said that Dominic Barbara used to have this great place in Puerto Rico. He said that Dominic told him to use it but he always turned it down. Then he finally went and Dominic kept telling him to keep using it. He felt like he'd be using him if he did that. Ralph doesn't have that mechanism in him to say it's wrong.
Robin said that she's taken Ralph to the US Open a few times and now he feels that she's leaving him out if she doesn't take him. Jon said that Robin is the person that's encouraging this. Robin said Ralph is fun so that's one reason she takes him. She said that he's always available too.
Gary said that John Stamos told him that Ralph can fit right in with the people he hangs out with so that works in his favor too.
Jon said the thing that got under his skin is that Ralph laughs and mocks him about the whole McCartney thing. He said that if he knew Gary liked a concert that he wasn't that into then he'd just give Gary the tickets. He said Ralph would never do that. He said it may not even ever cross his mind. Robin said it would never cross his mind.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe the balls on Ralph not to give Jon the ticket. He told Jon that Ralph has to step up to the plate and be the bigger guy. He asked if it would be shnuring if he went now. Jon said that Ralph didn't ask Robin for the tickets so it's not. Robin asked him to go.
Ralph called in and said he loves listening to people talking about him but he has to say something. He said he finds some of it insulting. He said he really didn't know Robin had tickets. He said that the concert came up. He said he wasn't even hinting around. Robin said that it's become second nature to him to do it. Ralph said Robin was the one who brought it up. He said she asked him if he wanted to go and he said he was going to ask Tim if he could get some. He didn't know Robin was going to ask him to go.
Ralph also told Gary that comparing Dominic Barbara to Sam Simon isn't fair. He said that it's just stupid. He said that Sam was a good friend by the time he went to stay at his house. He said that Gary was never that close to Dominic. Gary said he was very close to Dominic.
Ralph said they're making him out to be this kind of person he's really not. He said he's not the kind of person who asks for stuff all the time. Robin said she thinks of Ralph as a friend and he's really not a shnurer to her. She said he's just a friend that goes places with her.
Jon and Ralph went back and forth on that stuff for a couple of minutes. Ralph said that Jon thinks that because he's a big fan he deserves to go more than him. He said that's not fair. Ralph asked if he saw Paul play at Citi Field. Jon said he did so Ralph said he's seen him enough then.
Ralph said that he is a fan so he does want to go see the concert. Robin said that she and Ralph have gone out to see some other Beatles tribute shows and things like that so he does like the music.
The guys talked to Ralph about his relationship with Sam Simon too. He said he's become very close to him and he spends a lot of time on vacation with him. He is missing out on a house warming party he's having this weekend because he's going to be doing a new Geektime on Saturday at 2pm on Howard 101.
Robin said that Ralph does overstay his welcome sometimes. She said that's what Howard has said. Sam Simon said it once but quickly retracted it.
The guys talked about some of the things that Ralph has done that he's caught crap over. Ralph had explanations for it all. Robin said she knew of one incident where Ralph left Howard's place and went to another home and they weren't able to get rid of him. Ralph said that's just not true. He said that she's going on someone else's word.
Benjy asked Ralph if he's more of a personal friend of Howard's than Robin is. Ralph said he doesn't know. He said that when you go to Howard's place you don't want to leave. He said the place is so nice that you don't want to rush back to Jersey City. Ralph said it's the same thing when he goes out to visit Sam Simon. He said he doesn't want to rush home.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ralph's attitude is the problem. He said that if he wasn't such a douche bag about everything then it wouldn't be so hard to deal with. He said that Ralph flaunts it and brags about what he does.
Benjy was saying that he thinks that 50-100 people won't show up to the McCartney concert. He said they're giving away the tickets and they will have more available. Gary said he doesn't know that for sure. Benjy was pretty sure though.
Another caller said that he's pissed that Jon and Fred can't go but Ralph can. He said you'd think that Ralph would give up his ticket to Jon. The caller said that Ralph is wrong about what he's doing. He said that Ralph doesn't want to be portrayed as someone who takes advantage of people but that's exactly who he is. Ralph said this caller is an idiot and a hater and he's just jealous. Ralph said he's right and the caller is wrong. He said this caller is just dumb. He said he doesn't care what the guy thinks about him either.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that she loves the Vegucating Robin thing on the web. Robin said that she has to go in and check it out because she forgot what she made in that episode. She also told Robin that she looked great on Jimmy Kimmel.
The caller said she knows a lot of people are Anti-Ralph but she thinks he's a great part of the show. She said that she agrees with him most of the time. She thinks that he should give up his ticket to Fred. Ralph said he has two tickets already and his daughter doesn't need to go. The caller said that would be nice for him to do that though. Ralph said she's only 8! He laughed when he thought about that. Gary told Ralph he's skating on thin ice talking about Fred's daughter.
Benjy asked if they would take money on whether or not Fred and Jon were going. Benjy doesn't think he'll be going. Gary asked if it bothers him that Fred or Jon might go ahead of him. Benjy said he would understand it if they did. He understands the hierarchy of the show.
Ralph said that if he got two tickets he'd give them to Jon and Fred's daughter. He said he wouldn't need them since he's going with Robin. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that he's had some great experiences with his kids doing things like that. He said it's 10 times more fun to do it with them than to just do it with his wife. Benjy said that he'd like to know who got tickets. Gary said he's sure that list is locked up.
One Time a Week Caller Lilly called in and told Jon he has a great voice. She also said that she thinks that Ralph has a disconnect with values. Gary said he has to stop commenting because he got yelled at. Lilly's phone was feeding back so they had to put her on hold and call her back.
Jon asked Gary if he was upset that he didn't have Lilly telling him that his voice is nice. Gary didn't seem to mind.
Jon asked how tough it is go to from being a writer to a performer. Gary said that Whitney is on fire right now. He said she's a hot property and she's in the moment when she's in the zone. He said he hopes it works into something big for her. Jon said that pilots don't always make it to the air so you never know. Gary said that they can get caught up in a lot of crap with the pilot thing. He said he's known a lot of people who have gotten caught up in that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard said that he's going back to terrestrial radio. Teddy told the guy that Howard was talking about the past when they were on terrestrial. He wasn't saying they're going back. The caller said that if he had tickets to the McCartney concert he would give one to Jon. Jon said he appreciates that but he wouldn't take it. Gary said he wouldn't either.
Gary said that he and Jon are going to the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas in a couple of weeks but they're also going to a Beatles tribute show out there. He laughed when he brought that up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was funny when Ralph bragged that he brought Robin to a Beatles Tribute concert. Jon said that Ralph must return the favor once in a while but Robin must be doing better than Ralph so it's okay that she pays for stuff. Benjy wondered if Ralph bought the tickets or got them some other way. The guys weren't sure about that. They had to wrap up and end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around Noon.