|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Gary started the show off talking about the week of shows they did out in Las Vegas and Los Angeles back in January and February of 2001. Gary explained how they planned the trip and how huge it turned out to be with the fans.
Gary talked about how it seemed that all of the fans were there at the casino they were at and how annoying they were. He said it was like being at a Cleveland Browns game with people yelling out ''Baba Booey.'' He said most of them were cool but it got out of hand at times. He said he had to have a fake name at the hotel because people kept calling him the whole time.
That led into the first show which took place on January 29, 2001. Here's what I had in my archives:
Stuttering John had a stripper that was willing to do anything to get on the show. She said she'd eat dog doody if she had to. Howard spoke to her for a minute but decided not to let her come on right away. He told her she made it to the air but she wanted a private meeting with him. He didn't let that happen though.
Howard spent a couple of minutes commenting on how bad the Giants sucked in the Super Bowl last night. He said that his favorite commercial was the Bud Light commercial where the guy goes to get his date a drink and ends up spraying her with a can he'd shaken up in the kitchen. He also said that the half time show was the gayest one ever. He even thought that Britney Spears looked kind of chubby. Howard thinks that Aerosmith did the show with 'N Sync to get in touch with a younger audience but it was still kind of gay.
Howard picked a black jack dealer after speaking to a few of them. Gary ended up telling Howard that the casino had one in mind already so they ended up going with her. The other dealers were kind of upset but that's the way it goes.
Norm Zadeh was the first real guest this morning. Norm is the publisher of Perfect 10 magazine and he brought along a few hot chicks from the magazine with him. Howard spoke to him about the magazine and his new Perfect 10 mansion. Norm says he's not going to have a mansion like the Playboy mansion. His won't be a place where people have sex like the Playboy mansion. Howard thinks that's a mistake though.
Howard and Norm, who's a professional gambler, played a couple of hands of black jack together. Norm was willing to put up $5000 for his first hand. Robin was going to throw in a few hundred as well as the rest of the crew. The dealer wasn't impressed with the $5000 bet that Norm was putting down. She said that she's seen some around $8-9000. Norm is right up there though.
Gary told Howard that the only person allowed to bet higher than $5000 at their table was Howard. Howard thought that was kind of lame because someone like Reggie Jackson might want to bet $25,000.
Howard and the crew played the first hand of black jack around 6:45am. Robin bet $200, Jackie bet $100 and Fred had $100. Norm had the $500. Fred had a total of 18, Howard had 20 and Norm had 17. The dealer got 18 so Norm lost $5000 right then. Howard said the girls he was with were ready to leave after that happened. Howard wrapped up the betting with Norm and moved on.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from the listeners in Las Vegas who heard the show live. The first call was a woman who did a bong hit on the phone. There was a lot of noise from the crowd in the casino so Howard could barely hear it. He took more calls after that. Howard spent some more time talking about the Super Bowl and how bad the Giants were. One caller asked where the name Baba Booey came from but Howard didn't want to get into that while in the middle of the casino.
Howard did a mini-press conference for Vegas for some reason. He fielded a few questions from various people in the Vegas press. One woman asked Howard if there was anything he didn't get from Tom for the trip. Howard ended up talking about the hot chicks out there. Howard ended up getting hit on by the gossip columnist who was asking him questions. He said he wouldn't bang her because she's probably write about it. She said she'd put the pen down for that though.
Another reporter asked what happened to the one million dollar bet that Howard was supposed to place. Howard told the guy that he couldn't find a casino to take a bet that big. He had a sponsor that was willing to put it up though. The guy also asked Howard what took him so long to get out to Vegas. Howard said there just wasn't a good time until now to come out.
A reporter from a lesbian magazine came up to ask some questions also. Howard ended up asking her about her lesbian life for a few minutes. Finally, a Hispanic reporter asked Howard if he'd ever simulcast his show in Spanish for the people south of the border who hear the show. Howard said he's working on that right now and then mumbled that something like that will never happen.
Gary talked about having Shuli come out to meet them when they were out there the first time. Gary said they met Richard Christy out there for the first time too. He talked about some of the stuff Richard used to send into the show and how he used to have hair down to his ass back then. Gary said this was also a month before Jackie's contract expired.
Howard also said that Dennis Rodman was there and handed Howard a white baby for some reason. Then Dennis started calling Howard names and punched him with some ''friendly'' hits. Howard said that Dennis doesn't know his own strength and the punches hurt him.
Reggie Jackson and Rollie Fingers showed up to play some black jack with Howard. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Reggie about his life. Reggie told Howard about his home in Pebble Beach, California where he keeps his 90 cars. He told Howard that his hobby of collecting cars has turned into a good source of income for him. He also said that he makes some money doing autograph signings at baseball conventions. He's also got a web site where you can find out more about all of his stuff and that's at ReggieJackson.com. Rollie Fingers also spoke to Howard a little bit. Howard heard that he was married 4 times and never had a pre-nuptial agreement with any of them. That's why he ended up betting only $200 today. Howard also met Rollie's wife who was pretty hot. He spoke to her a little bit before they moved on to play the hand of black jack.
Reggie insisted that everyone put their money on his hand of black jack. He bet $500 himself so Howard put down another $500. Gary threw in a couple hundred as well as a couple of others. The hand was up around $3000. They were dealt a hand of 15 and the dealer had a 7. Reggie took a hit and got an ace. He then took the final hit and got a 22 so they lost all of the money. Howard said he knew he should have bet his own hand. Howard wrapped up the segment at that point and said that poor Rollie won't be able to buy lunch today since he just blew $200.
Stuttering John was out in the audience picking out fans to talk to Howard. He had a couple of women who wanted to show some skin. One stripper showed Howard her ass and then had him autograph her ass. Another woman showed Howard her breasts while her husband took a picture of them. One other woman told Howard that he saved her life. She lost weight because she always wondered if Howard would play the ''What a piece of ass'' sound if he saw her. She showed Howard some before and after pictures of herself and Howard said they should burn the pictures.
Stuttering John said that a fan who called in last week and wanted to play a hand of black jack with Howard was there also. He came up to play his own hand with $300 that he couldn't really afford to lose. Kevin said that he only had $100 with him so that's all he could bet. Howard and the rest of the crew put down a couple hundred each and played a hand. They ended up getting 21 and trhe dealer ended up getting 17 so they actually won the hand. The total payout was $1600 so they had to split it up between everyone. Howard told Kevin that he's luckier than Reggie was.
After that hand Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Kevin and his wife. The two of them met on the set of the ''Hercules'' TV show. Their first scene together was a kissing scene and they fell in love there. Howard said that he fell in love with his movie wife Mary McCormack also. She didn't feel the same about him though. Howard wrapped things up with Kevin and said that he'll be guest starring on ''Dharma and Greg'' in March.
Howard took a few phone calls before making his big $100,000 bet. One listener told Howard that he met a chick outside of the casino and ended up making out with her and took her back to his room. He hadn't banged her yet but he was working on it.
Another caller was the woman whose baby Dennis Rodman dumped on Howard's lap last night. She told Howard that Dennis was being very nice but he took the baby without her permission and dumped it on Howard. Howard was glad to finally find out what that was all about.
The big $100,000 bet was next on the agenda. Howard had Queen For a Day player Tracy Whitheead come in. She's the woman who will place the bet and win the cash if they win. She'd written the show a letter about how she was kidnapped and raped at gun point. Her friends were shot and died so it was a big mess.
This was a big deal so there were security guards and legal people from Howard's station among others. They even took out insurance on the bet through Hole In One Insurance who will cover any splits that Howard might take. There was $300,000 standing by for any splits that might have to be made. Olivia the dealer said she'd feel really bad if Tracy loses because of her sad story. Howard wished Tracy luck and made a little prayer before the hand was dealt.
Olivia dealt Tracy her first card which was a 9. She then got a 10 bringing her to a 19. Howard held up Olivia for a minute and then had her show her cards. She had a 5 then a 7 then a 6 bringing her to 18. Tracy was a winner! She gets $100,000 and the other $100,000 goes back to GoldenPalace.com who put the money up to begin with. Tracy went over and gave Howard a hug. She thanked him and then broke down and cried a little bit. She says this will change her life.
Gary said he almost got in a fight at the casino. He said he's been treated like crap by the fans at the casino. He was in the spa area and the spa guy was showing him around. They got to the hot tub and Gary asked ''Is it hot?'' A fan was nearby and said to Gary ''Not as hot as your god damn teeth!'' Gary ended up yelling at the guy and telling him that wasn't funny. Stuttering John also came close to getting into some fights after people goofed on him at the casino. Gary and Jackie also said they got some wacky voice mails at the hotel.
John Wayne Bobbitt came in for a short visit. John is the guy who had his penis cut off by his wife years ago. He has had many jobs including stand-up comedian, male stripper and many others. He's now working as a mover in the Las Vegas area. He told Howard that his penis is working just fine and he has fun with it. He's got his own web site where you can buy the movies he's been in. You can check that out at SexySinnersLive.com. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to John about how amazing it was that they were actually able to find his penis after his wife tossed it out of her car window. John also had penis extension surgery done after his penis was reattached. He said that was great also but it was very painful.
Howard spoke to a few of the strippers from Club Paradise which is right across the street from the Hard Rock. The girls don't like to be called strippers though. They want to be called Entertainers. Howard said they were really hot and they were wearing pants that were just about see through.
David Brenner and Jenna Jameson showed up to bet some with Howard. David and Howard spent some time talking about what David is up to lately. He told Howard he lost $1000 on the Super Bowl.
Porn Star Jenna Jameson was also there so Howard spoke to her. Jenna told Howard that she has her own production company now and she's putting out her own movies. She does a ''..loves Jenna'' series. She does some lesbian stuff in the movies. She said she was engaged a while back but she decided to stay single. She was also married at one time but when Robin brought that up she said it was for only 2 months. She said she really likes being single now and she was hoping to pick up some chicks tonight.
Howard wanted to gamble a little more so he got Jenna and David to put up a couple hundred bucks each. David was ready to play $100 a hand but Jenna said she'd put up $500. David felt like crap so he had to put up $500. Howard put up $500 as did Robin. Howard decided to rub his head on Jenna's breasts for good luck too. She said she just had her nipples pierced. Howard went over and rubbed his head in her chest and it worked. He ended up getting 21 and Jenna ended up with 18. The dealer had 17 so the two of them won. Everyone else went bust. Jenna plugged her web site ClubJenna.com and Howard wrapped up the segment.
The final guests of the evening were Robbie Knievel and Steve Rossi. Robbie was very belligerent and Howard kept asking him what he was drinking. He was rambling and yelling about stuff but it was very hard to follow. He had his girlfriend Jenny there also. Howard tried talking to her but Robbie was being very obnoxious and loud. We did find out that Robbie just signed a contract to race in the Busch series. He yelled that he'll be making millions more than he makes doing stunts.
Howard spoke to Steve Rossi a little bit and found out he had a stroke a couple of years ago. Howard thanked him for not calling and telling him about it.
Howard finally got Robbie to settle down a little bit so they could place the last bets of the evening. They played their final hand of black jack and bet a couple hundred once again. Howard ended up with a push while Robin lost $300 again. Steve won and I think Robbie lost along with Jackie. After that hand Howard wrapped things up in Las Vegas. Tomorrow he'll be broadcasting from the E! studios in Los Angeles.
Today's Road Trip: West Coast special was over around 9:35am. After this special they replayed the Three Stooges Lost and Found special that aired last Friday. That special features phone interviews that Tom Bergeron did with Moe Howard and Larry Fine when Tom was 16-17 years old.
Gary talked about Stuttering John almost missing the plane they were taking out there because of drinking. Gary said John used to like to drink and he always had problems.
Gary also pointed out that Kelsey Grammer and his wife Camille were on the show out there. They had her on the old channel 9 show once and on the E! show too. Gary said they even had her in a scene in ''Private Parts'' and Gary remembered her telling him about meeting this famous guy that she really liked but she wasn't able to tell him who he was at the time. It turned out to be Kelsey Grammer.
After playing this second day of the show they were supposed to play the third day. That's what they promoted this morning... but that's not what they played. They played the first segment from this show and started the second show in the middle. Nice.
Stuttering John also almost missed their private jet flight. For some reason he couldn't figure out the right time to leave and almost missed it.
Howard said that Tracy, the $100,000 bet winner, has way too many plans for her winnings. Howard had to remind her that she has to take taxes out of that 100 grand so she'll probably end up with $55,000. She wants to do things like buy a car, put a down payment on a house and help the families of the people that were shot. The money might not make it that far though.
Kelsey Grammer and his wife Camille were the first guests of the day. Howard spent some time talking to Kelsey about his Golden Globe award win and how much of a joke those awards are. Howard also wondered why Kelsey didn't thank Camille at the awards show. Camille wasn't upset that he didn't because he's done it so many times before. Howard also brought up Kelsey's house that he's seen on some news reports and magazine articles. He read that the guest house is 8000 square feet which is larger than Howard's old house on Long Island. Gary came in and said that the fact sheet they have says Camille gets an allowance of $500 a week and Kelsey gets $200. Their assistant hands out the cash. Howard figured that they have a lot of credit cards also. Howard also found out that Camille continues to have sex even when she's on her period. Howard thinks that's pretty hot. He also brought up her Irritable Bowel Syndrome and asked how that was going. Kelsey and Camille just joked about it though. Howard let Kelsey plug all of the projects that he's involved in and wrapped up the interview.
John the Stutterer was the next guest on the list. Howard introduced him as the new host of E!'s Talk Soup. Howard said they brought him along as comedy relief. Howard took some phone calls from the people of Los Angeles who were hearing the show live last night.
Howard then spent some time talking about the Super Bowl party they had out in Vegas. They had strippers from Club Paradise there and he ended up ''pounding one off'' thinking about one of the girls later that night. John the Stutterer said that he pounds one off 3-4 times a day and his record was 11 times in one day! Ouch!
The next guest was Soleil Moon Frye. Howard immediately brought up how she had breast reduction because her chest was so huge. Howard also read that she's married now. Soleil is a big fan of Howard's and she was wearing a T-shirt that read ''Howard has a big..'' on the front and on the back it said ''Fan''.
Howard continued to talk to Soleil about her giant breasts and how she had a D-cup at the age of 14. Howard plugged the show that Soleil is appearing on now, ''Sabrina the Teenage Witch'' which airs on the WB network and wrapped up the interview.
Howard said that he'll end the feud today and he'll never take another call from her. He thought better of it and said that would be a bad idea because it could make for some funny stuff in the future. He then told Robin that he has to try and contact her to figure out what's going on.
Howard also spoke to Tim about the movies he's done and how much he must be worth. They talked about ''The Santa Clause'' and how great that was. Tim said he didn't make much on that one since it was his first movie. He said he was pissed at Disney for a while after that movie but they eventually made up for it. They spent a little time on the money he was making on his TV show ''Home Improvement''. Howard eventually moved on to talk about the Super Bowl and what Tim did that night. He hung around with his friends who were drinking and smoking pot. He's not allowed to do any of that stuff now after going through rehab so he just sat around and watched them.
Heather Locklear was the next guest of the day. Howard told Heather that she was on his top ten hottest chicks list and she was in at least 3 of the slots. He then complained that the cell phone number she gave him once doesn't work. He told her he's tried to call her many times in the past 3 months and there's no answer and no voice mail. She said that can't be right and that she gave him the right number. Howard said during a commercial break he'd prove to her that it's not the right one. He then spent the rest of the interview asking Heather if she's loving in bed and whether or not she likes it rough in bed or not. He tried to set up a pajama party with Heather and her girlfriends but that probably won't happen. He also asked if Michael J. Fox ever drops by the set of ''Spin City'' at all. Heather said she hasn't seen him in quite a while because he's busy with other stuff. As Howard was wrapping things up with Heather he asked her about what her day will be like tomorrow. She told him about her meetings and stuff like that. He then got into her workout like he did the last time she was on the show. He then wrapped things up and plugged her show ''Spin City'' which airs Wednesday nights on ABC. As he ended it he asked Heather if she is totally shaved or not. He said he wouldn't let her leave until she answered... She said ''No''. Gary then asked ''Landing strip?'' and Howard just said to him ''Where did that come from?''
Howard brought up some of the guests that are coming up this week. Some of the names mentioned were Henry Hill, Mark Burnett, Robert Schimmel, Jay Leno, Ben Stiller, Rod Stewart and Magic Johnson and many others. Robin thought it might be a bad idea to mention that Henry Hill is coming in because the mob might still be looking for him.
John the Stutterer was telling racist jokes again this morning. Howard was doing a commercial for this thing called a Monkey-gram. John told KC that they just send out Spike Lee as the monkey-gram. Howard told him that he's a racist but John swears that he's not one. He then went on to complain about the foreigners who weren't able to check him in at the hotel. Then he took a cab over and got stuck with another foreigner who couldn't speak English. John was also obsessing over Ralph like he does all the time. He went into his rant about Ralph's berry face and all of that stuff like he does all the time. Ralph was there to defend himself but John just went off on him about what a homo he is. Howard let John complain about the berry faced, snaggle toothed douche bag for a couple of minutes. He then told him he'd heard enough. He also wanted him to calm down because he was really wound up over it. They had him go settle down outside of the studio. He continued to call Ralph a douche bag over and over as he was being walked out. He came back a short time later and apologized to Howard but then went off on Ralph again.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and found a couple of people who will make good guests. One woman wants Howard to evaluate her so she'll be in tomorrow. A foot fetish guy called in and told Howard he should talk about women's feet more on the show. Howard spoke to him for a short time and found out more info than he wanted to know about feet. Then Howard said that this guy could go to the Playboy mansion with him to evaluate the Playmates feet while he's there. We'll learn more about what ''evolution toe'' and ''lonely hanger'' mean.
(How many Carol Alt interviews can one man take? I've hit my limit..) Supermodel Carol Alt came in to talk to Howard for a few minutes before the end of the show today. Howard said she looks better than she ever has. She was wearing a see through dress and her body was looking great according to Howard. Carol said that she's been working out again so she's in good shape. Howard said she wasn't wearing a bra either. Howard wanted her to model the dress but she wouldn't stand up to do it. She said she made it to the couch with no problem so she wasn't going to stand up now.
John the Stutterer told Carol that she's number 3 on his top 10 hot chick list. The top 2 are taken up by the Dahm Triplets.. don't ask how that works out. Howard continued the interview which sounded like every other interview he's done with Carol. He asked about her hockey player boyfriend and all of that stuff. Fred kept pretty quiet during the interview so he wouldn't upset Carol with his ''You're not a supermodel'' speeches like he usually does. Howard asked Carol if she had any plugs to do today. She said she didn't but she did plug her makeup line that she does through QVC called Le Mirador.
Howard had one last guest to get to before wrapping up today's show. This 94 year old guy came in. He claims to be ''the oldest club kid'' in L.A. He sounded every bit his age too. He said that he stays young with his attitude. He claims he can still get it up too. He also said he got laid about 6 months ago by some woman in her 30's. Howard was pretty impressed with that.
Howard heard that this guy has never been able to get into the Playboy mansion so he decided to let him go on Thursday with him. The guy didn't sound that thrilled but he's 94.. you don't want to get him too excited. Howard had the old guy do some of his club dancing for him also. Once he got started he didn't stop. He kept dancing for the rest of the segment.
After the old guy Howard took a couple of phone calls and ended the show around 10.
After day 2 we heard Gary introducing day 3 which came from the E! studios in Los Angeles. This was actually a replay of the intro for the show they had just played. They played the first segment of the show they had just played and then started playing the rest of this day. Here's what I had in my archives from that day... without Gary's intros.
Howard said he had a movie meeting earlier in the day yesterday. He said he may be in a starring role. He didn't give any other info though. He also said he had a meeting with the ''Doomsday'' cartoon people. He said they had a great meeting and they have a script for the first episode. Howard said they've been working on the cartoon for 2 years now. They have great meetings but no show yet.
A listener called in and said that Jessica Hahn was bad mouthing Howard again. Howard said that he was going to give his final statement about her today. He said he thinks the world of her and doesn't know what happened in her life to cause this problem and he just hopes she gets the help she needs. Gary said her people asked that Howard keep the peace out of respect for her. Howard said he will do that.
Aisha Tyler was the first guest of the day. She is the new host of E!'s Talk Soup. Robin did a show with her so she came in to talk about it. She's the first black female host of the show which is a big deal for some reason. Howard asked her if she had to sleep with anyone to get the job. She said she didn't have to do that. She was a stand-up comic and she auditioned for the job and got it. Howard had tape of the show so they all sat and watched it together. In the show Robin pretends to send Aisha off to an audition so she can take over as host of the show. She cracks some lame jokes and tries to act. Aisha returns and yells at Robin. Howard said it looked like Aisha wasn't wearing a bra in that scene. She said she did that just for Howard.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Aisha. One guy asked her if she's into anal. She said that she's not into that. Another caller asked her about dumping her manager after she got the Talk Soup gig. She said she did dump him but it wasn't because of the Talk Soup thing. She said it was a long relationship and they outgrew each other so they went their separate ways.
Howard complimented Aisha's breasts and wrapped up the interview. You can find out more about her at AishaTyler.com.
Howard went on a quick tirade after a caller said that the show was being cut up while it was being broadcast live in L.A. last night. Howard started yelling at the people at the L.A. Station and wanted to know what was going on. They told him that they'd never cut up the show.
We also found out that KC spanked one off while they were in Vegas and used the sheets as his unloading zone. KC said that Stuttering John did the same thing so it's not that weird. Gary said he might have done the same thing himself.
Stuttering John was the next discussion. He has been drinking quite a bit lately and he gets panic attacks the day after. He says he has his own supply of Xanex to take when he gets them though. He used to go to the hospital when he'd get these attacks but now he's self medicating. He also takes meds for his OCD and still drinks. Gary said he really is an alcoholic.
Two women called in recently asking Howard for a date. Today they came in so Howard could figure out which one would be better to date. The two women were Shayla and Heather. Howard didn't say it himself but some of the guys were saying that Heather was kind of heavy looking. She's also got huge implants that Howard noticed. Howard spoke to them for a couple of minutes then had everyone ask them questions about what they'd do with Howard if they dated him. The girls gave their answers then they picked the one who would be better for Howard. Someone asked if they could take Shayla's head and put it on Heather's body. Gary seemed to think that Heather would be the better choice for Howard. Howard said that he wasn't going to date either one but he'd give them a prize instead. Then Heather said she had to plug her own web site(HeatherBrink.com) which upset some people.
Ex-mobster Henry Hill came in for a quick interview. Howard said that Henry looks pretty good. Howard explained how Henry got to where he is. Henry's life was the basis for the movie ''Goodfellas''. He turned State's witness after being busted for a bunch of crimes and he eventually went into hiding. He came out of hiding and did Howard's show years ago. He isn't very afraid to come out anymore.
Howard said that Henry has a web site now and he's got a top ten list of ways to kill people. The list gives names for each kill and explains what it is. Here are some examples:
Howard spent a little more time with Henry asking him about his former life of crime. Henry told Howard how he used to make money selling tax-free cigarettes out of a truck. He said he could make $3-4000 a day selling them. He'd fly down to Washington DC and buy a truck full of cigarettes and drive back to New York to sell them. Back then they didn't put people in jail for that. Henry said they'd just give you a summons for something like that. He was also a bookie for a while and made some good money doing that. He would also ship stolen cars to Haiti and make about $1500 per car and he was doing 10-20 a month. He doesn't do that stuff anymore and now he doesn't have much money.
Henry said he's got a woman in his life and even a grand child. His son is an Attorney and his daughter is a Stockbroker. They don't tell the grand child about Henry's life of crime of course. Howard took a couple of phone calls for Henry and then wrapped up the interview.
A gay guy asked Howard if he'd ever consider adding skin to his penis. Howard said he would never do that and said that his question was ridiculous so he moved on to someone legitimate. He then spoke to the CBS TV reporter and let her ask some lame questions. It all went down hill from there.
One person caught Howard's eye though. Kristen from E! News Daily was really hot according to Howard and Gary. She was showing her belly and looked great. Howard interviewed her more than she interviewed him. He found out that she doesn't have a boyfriend and she hasn't had one for quite a while. She did have sex just a couple of weeks ago though.
Howard let a bunch of reporters ask him questions but they were all really lame questions that didn't have any significance at all. Howard tried to answer the lame questions but they just went nowhere. Howard spent about a half hour answering the questions before ending the suffering.
Bob told Howard that he has to sleep on the couch and not with his girlfriend. His daughter doesn't want them sleeping together. It doesn't matter much though because Bob can't get an erection. Jessica made sure to let us all know about that.
Bob also filled us in on how he had to give a stool sample at the doctors office the other day. He said he had to crap into a dish in the toilet and then had to have the nurse come in and scoop out some of it for the sample.
Howard plugged some of Bob's upcoming gigs. You should be able to find out more info about him at Romp.com where he has his official Robert Schimmel web page. As they were wrapping things up Bob said he found his daughter a gynecologist as a present. She told Howard the she went there and the gynecologist started telling her all of the famous people she's treated. Jessica said she even came in at one point and asked her how the baby was. She didn't have a baby so the doctor had come to the wrong room. Jessica said she was worried about who the doctor would be telling about her exam the next day after all of the name dropping. Jessica asked Howard why they weren't invited to the Playboy show on Thursday. Howard figured since Bob can't get it up, it wasn't worth it for him to go.
The cast and crew of Howard's ''Son of the Beach'' show came in to talk to Howard for a few minutes. Howard spoke to them for a few minutes about the upcoming season of the show which starts airing March 12. There will be a lot of guest stars including Mark Hamill, Hank the Dwarf and even Gary Dell'Abate. Kim Oja has bigger breasts this season but they're not implants. Kim said that she had some ''female problems'' and she has to take hormones to fix it. That has led to her breasts getting bigger.
Howard had the tape of Gary's scene so he played it for everyone. Gary comes in as a new recruit in the life guard thing. He does some funny lines and there's a joke about swimming out to a buoy.. a Baba Buoy. It sounded funny and everyone was laughing at it in the studio.
John the Stutterer asked Tim Stack if he could perhaps play the part of a used car salesman or a motivational speaker or something like that. Tim said they were able to squeeze Gary in so why not John. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to all of the girls about their dating lives before ending the segment.
A phone caller got Howard all revved up when he told him that Mark and Brian were bad mouthing him again. Howard said that they better shut up and not get him started on them again. He called them his bitches and rip-offs before moving on to other things.
More hot chicks showed up today. Amber Smith and Nikki Ziering both came in to plug their calendars. Amber was in Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' as the first lesbian dial-a-date. Howard mentioned the other day that in her calendar you can see hair on her legs and wanted to talk to her about that. Amber explained that she's a natural blond and she doesn't think she needs to shave her legs. Howard doesn't see it that way of course. He wondered why she didn't have it air brushed out or something.
Amber told Howard some stories about her dating life and how hard it is. She said a long time ago she dated Jack Nicholson. That only lasted 2 or 3 dates though. She hinted that his penis isn't as big as the rumors would have you believe. She also dated Craig Kilborne which surprised Howard. That relationship didn't last long either. She also mentioned one guy she dated who wanted too much sex from her so she broke up with him. Howard and the rest of the guys found that kind of odd.
Nikki Ziering is Ian Ziering's wife and she appears as one of the models on The Price is Right. She also has a calendar to sell. Gary came in with some notes on her that he found interesting. When she got married to Ian she converted over to the Jewish religion. Then she went out and got a tattoo of a bunny on her neck (She was Playboy Playmate of the Month in 9/97.. That's why the bunny was tattooed). That's against the Jewish religion so Ian got upset and made her get it lasered off. They talked about it and she ended up getting it tattooed on again. That upset Ian again but he agreed that she could keep it until they have their first child. Howard also spent some time talking to Nikki about her modeling on The Price is Right. She said that Bob Barker is the nicest guy and that he's the ''epitome of class''. She doesn't know why all of these other women are suing the show. She also said that she would leave the show if she was asked to.
The first guest of the morning was Howard's friend Richie Notar who is the Managing Partner of the Nobu restaurants in New York City and Las Vegas. Howard became friends with him after meeting him at his gym. Richie had a good story about Ralph stealing his chick. John the Stutterer was there to listen to the story so he could yell at Ralph for the third day in a row. Howard explained that Richie met this girl out in Vegas and really liked her. He went out with her one night and told everyone he really liked her. The next night Ralph started flirting with her and when Richie went to get some drinks for her Ralph started making out with her. Richie was just hearing that part for the first time. He knew that he hit on her but not about the kissing part. Ralph also got her phone number. Ralph claims that he didn't know it was Richie's girl and she was the aggressive one. He said that she offered her number to him and she was the one who started making out with him. Richie said that Ralph was really sneaky about the whole thing. Then the next night Richie invited the chick to their Super Bowl party but Ralph ended up bringing her. Richie had a feeling something sneaky was going on and he was right. Richie told Howard he's not really upset about the girl but the friendship thing is in question. He said he really doesn't want Ralph around him now because he doesn't trust him. He said he wouldn't trust Ralph with any girl he knows. Howard asked Fred and Jackie if Ralph has broken ''The Code'' of men by stealing this chick. They both said yes to that. Jackie said that he didn't just break the code, he smashed the code. John the Stutterer wanted to yell at Ralph but his high blood pressure was keeping him from freaking out completely. He kept pretty quiet. Howard suggested that Richie punish Ralph for this incident. Richie said no more free meals for Ralph and he might not invite him to any more parties. Ralph made an apology but no one was believing that he was actually sorry. Gary thinks that if he didn't need to get into Nobu, he wouldn't apologize at all. Ralph said that's not true and he's friends with Richie. Howard had other things to do so he finished up with this nonsense.
Model Rachel Hunter was the next guest of the morning. Howard said she was wearing a very short skirt that he liked very much. She said she did it for his birthday. He said everyone thinks this is a birthday show but it's really not. Howard brought up the story about Rachel going out with DJ Cane (Crazy Cabbie's boss at Howard's station) one time. She said that she wasn't interested in him sexually. She and her sister just wanted to go out one night and Cane took them. Howard got sidetracked asking Rachel if she was wearing underwear with her short skirt or not. She wanted to leave Howard thinking about it but she soon gave him the bad news that she was wearing underwear.
Howard continued the questions about Cane and how he managed to get to her house. She insisted that nothing happened and they just went out and had fun. Rachel said ''absolutely not'' when Howard asked if anything sexual happened. She was kind of upset that Cane would spread rumors like that.
Rachel told Howard that she still doesn't have a boyfriend 2 years after last seeing Howard. Howard was hitting on Rachel for a while and trying to get invited to her house. Rachel's ex-husband Rod Stewart will be on the show tomorrow and Howard wants to be able to tell Rod that he was at her house.
Howard heard that Rachel has been trying to protect gorillas by hanging out in the jungles of Africa. Howard wanted to know what the natives must do when they see her. She said they don't come on to her at all.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that Rachel did visit Cane in the studio at least one time. She said that was just a visit and it meant nothing. Another guy from Howard's station came in and said he overheard Cane on the phone with Rachel one time and he said ''I miss you too''. Rachel said that she would never say something like ''I miss you'' so Cane must have added that himself. She was upset that such a big deal was being made out of this. Howard flirted with her for a few more minutes before ending the interview.
Howard asked Jay about some comments Jerry Lewis made about female comics not being funny. Jay said that's not true and there are plenty of funny female comics. Howard also thinks that some guy comics lose their touch after a while. Jay said that comics who quit the business can never get back into it because they lose their touch. Howard mentioned Robert Klein as an example. Jay said that you have to stay in the business to stay sharp so that's what he does. He still does gigs 3-4 nights a week. He said Jerry Seinfeld is still doing gigs also but he might not want people to know that.
Howard also spoke to Jay about the Tonight Show and how he just signed a new 5 year contract. Jay says he never touches the money he makes on the show, he uses the money he makes as a stand-up comic to support himself. He figures that way if he ever gets fired he has plenty to fall back on.
Whoopi Goldberg called in while Jay was still there. She didn't come in to visit because she's on the set of a TV movie. Howard kept asking her when she got banged last. She didn't really want to talk about that so she asked Howard what was up with his life. He talked about his divorce a little bit and depressed everyone.
Howard told Whoopi that she has to get down to do the show while he's there. She said she's too busy with the movie so she won't be able to make it. She said she'll be in New York in March so she'll come on the show then. Howard said he'll take her out to dinner when she comes to the city. Whoopi got off the phone so Howard wrapped things up with Jay. He asked Jay if he's heard from Johnny Carson lately. Jay said he hasn't spoken to him in a while but when they do call him for tape from the old Tonight Show, he's very gracious.
Howard and Tom were talking about Jay Leno and how he never talks about the chicks he bangs. Tom said that he heard from Sandra Bernhard that Jay dated her. Howard and Robin found that hard to believe. Tom said he wasn't positive about that, it's just what he heard from Sandra. Tom also talked about his old web site where he tried to find a woman to marry. He said at one point he had about 800,000 shares of stock in the company that ran it and it was worth about $80 million. By the time he wanted to sell it there was nothing left.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims to be the contractor who worked on Tom and Roseanne's old house. It's now owned by Rachel Hunter and he said he used to see Rachel, her sister and Rod's daughter Kimberly poolside. He said he never went through her underwear drawers after Howard asked about that. Howard also wondered if he ever found any vibrators in her house. The contractor said she's a respectable woman and she'd never do something like that. Like he'd know.
Tom was running late while he was on the show and he had a 12-step meeting to go to.. at his own house. He said everyone was at his house waiting for him to show up. He had to tell them to start the meeting without him. Howard wrapped things up and said that Tom will be in the movie ''Exit Wounds'' which comes out in March.
Country Singer Shelby Lynne came in for a short visit. Howard heard that she had quite a life growing up so he wanted to talk to her about that. Shelby came in and said that she's a fan of Howard's and she's been waiting a year and a half to meet him. Howard quickly got to her story. When she was 17 her father got severely depressed and ended up shooting her mother and himself. Shelby didn't want to talk about that subject very much though. She said it was just something she had to go through in her life and she got over it. She said she doesn't hate her father for what he did either.
Howard moved on to talk about her singing career and how she has always been a singer. She also had a story to tell about almost getting arrested for singing on an airplane. She told Howard how she was just proving to some computer geeks sitting behind her that she was a singer. She sang a quick tune and then ordered up some alcoholic drinks. When they landed in Newark she said they asked everyone to remain seated while they escorted someone off the plane. It tuned out to be her. She said they told her she pushed the flight attendant button too much.
Shelby also had a story about stealing a car down in Texas. She ended up getting arrested for that and spent the night in jail.
Shelby told Howard that she's a big fan and watches his show all the time. She told both Howard and Robin that it was a pleasure meeting them. Gary came in and said that it seemed that Shelby really likes Howard. She said she is very attracted to his bravery.. Howard figured it wasn't his looks.
KC came in and yelled at Ralph for keeping quiet about this whole thing. He said that Ralph has never been a gentleman and he shouldn't start now. Then Howard said he heard something disturbing about KC. He said that KC crapped his pants again last night. KC explained how he thought he was going to fart but he ended up crapping his pants. Howard spent a little while longer asking Terry about working with Ted Danson on ''Becker'' in which she plays the owner of a diner.
Ben Stiller came in next and got hounded about the money he's making from the movies he's been in lately. Ben said that ''Meet The Parents'' has made about $160 million so far so he's doing pretty well. He didn't make a lot of money on his other movies and he didn't want to talk about it that much. He kept quiet about it all while Howard guessed at everything.
Howard asked him about the movie ''Keeping the Faith'' that didn't do so well. Ben didn't want to get into that either. He didn't even want to comment on what he thought of it. One phone caller said that the director and Ben haven't been on speaking terms since then. Ben said that's not true and he doesn't feel one way or the other about the whole thing. Howard thinks there's a story there but Ben's not talking.
Next up was actor Michael Rappoport. He came in and spent a couple of minutes complaining about the fact that he can't get into the Playboy Mansion tomorrow. He can't believe that Melrose Larry is getting in and he's not. He wants like 4 tickets though. Howard spent some time talking to him about the chicks that he's banged like he did the last time he was on the show.
Michael brought the Jesus Twins with him for some reason. These are the two wacky guys who were on the show a few years ago that insisted that they be put on Howard's movie soundtrack album. They said that they were going to be the next big thing. That never happened and one of them showed up a couple years later saying that he was Satan. The two of them are back together and the mental patient brother is feeling much better now. He was suffering from manic depression and he's on medication to treat it. The two of them performed their new song ''God Come Down Here'' and it wasn't bad until they started singing. Their music style has changed a bit but their voices haven't. Stuttering John was laughing hysterically the whole time they were singing. Ben Stiller said that he didn't hate the song. Howard and Robin both said they were happy to see the two of them again.
Howard eventually broke down and said that he'd let Michael and his wife come to the Playboy Mansion for tomorrow's show. His wife came in and said that she doesn't really need to go. She thought that it was just a regular thing and didn't know that it was so packed up. We'll find out tomorrow if they make it there.
Today's Road Trip: West Coast was over around 9:55am.
Gary started the show talking about the end of the 5 day trip to the West Coast. This day happened at the Playboy mansion. Gary said that they had gotten sick of the whole Howard Stern Birthday Show thing so the sales department told them to take it out on the road instead. Gary said they flew out there for the day to scout out some spots to do the shows. He said they ended up going to the Playboy mansion and they were psyched to work with them.
Gary talked about the way they worked with the Playboy people and that's when they set up the whole thing and ended up getting Rod Stewart to show up to perform. Gary said they had weeks of talking and a lot of negotiation to make it happen. He said they didn't want to let Rod be interviewed and would only let him perform some songs.
Gary remembered going over the list of people who wanted tickets and how tough it was to make that happen. Gary said his most vivid memory was taking someone off the list and saying that was it for the whole thing. He thought he was done. That was until he got a call from someone asking for him to get tickets for Sumner Redstone's grandson. He had to call someone and let them know they were off the list but then got to put that one back on. Gary said that person still holds it against him to this day. Gary also said they gave tickets to Michael Rappaport and he never showed up.
John the Stutterer was there also. He was sitting with some Playmates as were a bunch of clients that were invited. Howard spoke to Kylie Bax who was sitting next to John the Stutterer. She was wearing a mini skirt and a mesh-see-through top that Howard really seemed to like. Gary reminded Howard that Kylie loves anal sex. Howard also spoke to some of the other Playmates who were sitting in the crowd. He quickly spoke to Victoria Fuller, Layla Roberts and Carrie Stevens right before Hugh Hefner showed up.
Howard took a break and came back to talk to a bunch of other hot models. There were a lot of models who are trying to get into Playboy so Howard spoke to them.
Howard also said that Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray was on Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire and he had Fred as his lifeline. Fred waited on the line for Mark to call him but it never happened. Mark ended up getting screwed by the audience poll and lost the game so he didn't use Fred.
''Survivor'' star Kelly Wigglesworth was out in the crowd so Howard spoke to her for about 30 seconds before Rod Stewart came in to perform 3 songs. He performed ''Forever Young'', ''Some Guys Have All The Luck'' and ''I Can't Deny It'' from his new album ''Human''. Howard thanked Rod and Rod vanished. Howard jokingly said Rod heard that his ex-wife Rachel Hunter was there and took off.
Sandra Taylor spent a short time talking to Howard. She appeared on ''Just Shoot Me'' last night and she was looking really good according to Howard. The foot fetish guy who called in the other day was there so Howard had him evaluate her feet. He said she's got ''slight hammer-toe'' but she's got nice feet otherwise. He said he'd give her a 7 on a scale of 10. Howard said he'll be wandering around the whole evening looking at feet.
Gary also talked about Jackie the Joke Man making an appearance at a bed store with Stuttering John. He wanted a bed as payment and they ended up giving him just the bed and not the head board so it turned into a whole thing. He also talked about Howard interviewing Hugh Hefner during this segment. This segment actually started with the Sandra Taylor interview from above.
Howard spent some time talking to Hugh Hefner and his 6 girlfriends. Hef introduced Howard to each of them and told Howard what they do together. The girls said that being Hef's girlfriend is a full time job so they don't have time for other jobs. Hef told Howard he feels like the luckiest man in the world. Howard asked him if he ever uses Viagra to get himself aroused. Hef said that when you have 6 girlfriends, you need Viagra. He said it's the best recreational drug on the market right now. He said he's even done all 6 girls in one night. He says he hardly ever uses a condom though. He says he always has a close knit relationship with one or more people and he doesn't feel he needs a condom.
Hef said that he still picks the women who appear in the magazine himself. He keeps that job for himself. He said Playboy is hotter than ever and he's very happy about that. Howard wondered what the Playboy mansion property must be worth. Hef said he paid $1.2 million back in 1971 and he can't imagine what it must be worth today.
Howard mentioned that Playboy will be having a party at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas on March 1st to celebrate the ''Girls of the Hard Rock'' section of the magazine which will be out around that time.
Howard spent some more time with the Foot Fetish guy who went around and rated some feet for Howard. He ended up yelling at one chick because she had a toe ring on.
David Spade came in and ended up talking about the incident with his personal assistant Skippy. Howard had to get David to focus on him instead of all of the hot chicks around but he finally got him to tell the story about getting stun gunned by Skippy. David said that the two of them had been out together editing David's next movie ''Joe Dirt''. They went back home and David said good night to Skippy. David went to bed around midnight and woke up around 6am to see 350 pound Skippy standing in his door. David said he asked what was up and Skippy said that the alarm company called him because the alarm went off. David said no and Skippy asked if anyone else was there. When David said no, Skippy punched him in the face and hit him with a stun gun. David managed to get away and out of the house after being punched a couple of times. He was stuck inside his yard because of the locked gates though. He somehow managed to get back inside and locked the door just as Skippy rammed into it. David ran and got his shotgun and threatened to shoot Skippy through he door. At that point Skippy left. David said he still doesn't know what happened or why. He had 3 good years with the guy and then this happened. David said he told the prosecutors to go easy on him because he seems to be back to normal now. David said he wasn't aware that Skippy was on medication while he worked for him.
David said people at work still goof around and pretend to stun gun him with their cell phones. He's taking it pretty well.
David also brought along Kevin and John Farley who are also in his new movie ''Joe Dirt''. They're the brothers of the late Chris Farley. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them and told them he was a big fan of Chris'. David said that ''Joe Dirt'' will be out March 9th.
Gary talked about Benjy's stunt from that day when he got naked and jumped in the grotto. Gary said he told the TV guys to make sure they got it on camera. Howard had no idea it was going to happen. Here's what they played:
Greg Agnew from E! news asked Howard a few dopey questions so Howard answered them and did it quickly so he could move on to more hot chicks.
A reporter from the NY Post was also there but when he asked his question he got goofed on by everyone about his high-pitched voice.
Howard noticed that the foot fetish guy had a Playmate on his lap and couldn't believe it. He was ready to wrap up the show so he could go and party himself but it was only 9:15.
Benjy got naked and leaped into the pool which caught everyone's attention. Howard said that was Benjy's dream, to be in the Grotto naked.
Magic Johnson finally showed up so Howard spent a short time talking to him about the parties he used to have years ago. Magic said he's been to the Playboy mansion many times. He started going there 21 years ago and enjoyed many parties. He refused to comment on all of the chicks he's banged there though. He wouldn't even tell Howard where the best place to bang a chick is. Magic said he learned how to throw parties from Hef and threw his own at his home. Howard said Magic would have a velvet rope outside his room and he'd only let the really hot chicks in. Magic said he'd have his buddies pick the women for him.
Dennis Rodman showed up still pissed off at Howard for dissing him out in Vegas earlier this week. He said that Howard was ignoring him out there. Howard said that he didn't feel like standing there while Dennis punched him so he wandered off.
Howard asked Magic if it was uncomfortable for him to have fired Dennis from the Lakers since he's one of the owners. Dennis quickly said ''I didn't get fired, I quit''. Magic just laughed. He said that Dennis is an entertainer and a good guy. Howard, Magic and Dennis spent a little while discussing all of this stuff and Howard wrapped it all up around 10 so he could go party himself.
The people who sponsored this trip, MusicBank.com, came up and presented Howard with some kind of gift and Howard thanked everyone involved with the trip as he ended the show.
Today's Road Trip: West Coast was over around 9:45am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:40am.