Howard took a phone call from a boring drunk guy who he ended up hanging up on. He then started talking about Sam Kinison and how he used to stink like alcohol when he used to come in. Craig Gass was in again this morning so he started doing his Kinison impression. They were talking about how Sam was hit by a truck when he was a kid. That's apparently when Sam's personality changed to what we knew. Fred was playing tape of a truck horn blasting as ''Sam'' yelled that he was about to be hit.
Howard introduced Craig and said he was on the show today but when Craig spoke in his own voice Howard told him to bring ''Sam'' back. Howard said that's the problem with guys who do voices. You always want to hear the voices. Howard told him he should do ''The Sam Kinison Experience'' instead of his own material. Gary and Howard said he could do something like ''Beetle-mania'' called ''Sam-mania''. Howard said he doesn't even look at Craig when he does the voice because he sees Sam in his head. Craig said that he once partied with Sam and tried to do the ''OH-OH'' scream for him but it wasn't even close to it back then. Craig said he remembers seeing Sam divvying up coke to his buddies that he used to hang out with at a party.
Craig said that he heard that the Sam Kinison movie is supposed to go into production soon but he didn't know many details. Howard said he had plans for the movie and even wanted Robin Williams to play the part of Sam. Howard had the rights to the movie at one time but he gave them up.
Howard then suggested that they dress Craig up like Sam Kinison for the upcoming fight between Angry Black and Crazy Cabbie. If it makes it to Pay-Per-View then we'd have a half hour of ''The Sam Kinison Experience''. Howard told Craig he could do a half hour of Sam's material but Craig said they'd have to get Bill Kinison's permission. Howard then told Craig to do new material instead. Howard said that they could also animate some Sam stuff for the Saturday night syndicated show.
Since they were already talking about the fight Howard brought up Cabbie and how he's still sending him e-mail even though he asked him to stop. Howard read a couple of the e-mails and there are some people on his side in this thing. Angry Black is always talking about the union he's in and one guy told Cabbie that they're not proud to have him in the electrician's union because he's an embarrassment to them. Howard said Cabbie also told him that he's not even going to bother training for the next 3 weeks. Three weeks of training wouldn't do much for him anyway. Howard said he could just do a circle-jerk for 3 weeks instead.
Howard played some video of a bird getting hit by a baseball at a spring training game the other day. He and the crew watched the bit a few times and tried to figure out where the bird came from. All you see is the pitcher throwing and a second later a big puff of feathers exploding as the bird gets hit.
Robin mentioned that ''Spy Kids'' was number one at the box office this weekend. Howard didn't know what it was but everyone else explained it to him. Gary said he was going to take his kids to see it but it wasn't appropriate for his 3 year old.
Stuttering John said he saw a kid on a leash at the theater. He thought it was hilarious. Howard thinks that it's just wrong to do that to a kid. They all spent a some time discussing the whole leash thing.
Craig Gass said that he got a nice e-mail from Erik recently so he e-mailed him back and thanked him for it. He said after he did that Erik wanted to know if he could get him on the show to meet him. Craig then knew that Erik was a little wacky.
After the tape Howard said that Craig Gass does a great Sandler impression. Craig did that for a few seconds and then he started talking about his life. We learned that both of Craig's parents were deaf and that's why he got started doing the impressions. He said his mother was completely deaf and his father lost like 75% of his hearing in a freak accident. Howard said that he must do a great deaf person impression and he does. Craig did a couple of examples really quick for everyone. They were great. He said that when he was 6 years old his parents got a divorce and his mother had him talking to the lawyer on the phone to interpret for her. He said he learned quite a bit doing that.
Howard said that David looked more normal today than he does on TV. He wasn't all made up like he is on TV.
Howard asked David why people like David Blaine are always putting him down. David said that he doesn't get mad at that because he knows he's good at what he does. He said he does 500 shows a year and he can fill a 20,000 seat arena.
David apparently collapsed while practicing his ''Tornado of Fire'' over the weekend and had to go to the hospital. Howard asked him if he was faking it. David said he's not faking it. He said he's been flying back and forth between New York and California and it's worn him out. David was also a little upset that Howard didn't come to see him practice over the weekend. Howard said he didn't have the kids to go with him, that's why he didn't go.
Howard wanted to know about what it was like to date Claudia Schiffer. David didn't give a lot of details about the relationship. The subject kept changing whenever she came up.
Howard asked David if he went to college because he figures that magicians have to be pretty smart to do the tricks they do. David said he went for about 3 weeks. When he was 16 years old he was actually teaching a college class on magic though.
Howard brought up Claudia once again. He asked him how long it took to get in her pants. He said it was a couple of months before he got in there. He said he met her at one of his shows. That's also where he met his new girlfriend Ambre... and that's the way she spells it.
Howard also brought up how David sued a tabloid magazine that claimed his relationship with Claudia was a sham. David said they settled and he won the suit. He couldn't say how much the settlement was though.
Howard got back to Claudia again. David told Howard how they met and how he took her whole family out to dinner the first time they met. He said the family all liked him and that he's as big as David Hasselhoff over in Germany where Claudia's family is from.
A State Trooper called in and told Howard that he once pulled over one of David's busses. He said he got a quick tour of it and he saw that it had a king sized bed in the back of it. He also heard that David has like 10 of them. David said the busses are very nice but he's only got 4 of them.
David plugged his Tornado of Fire special finally. He said that the tornado is real and it's very dangerous. He'll be wearing a Nomex fire suit but his eyes are exposed.
Howard took a few more phone calls and let some people kiss David's ass. Then one woman called in and complained that David didn't let her take a picture of him while he was on vacation. Howard tried to explain to the woman that maybe the guy just wanted to be left alone for a little while. She didn't want to hear it though. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard asked Jerri, who's an aspiring actress, if ''Survivor'' has helped her career. She thinks it will help but she hasn't been allowed to do anything yet because CBS restricts what the players can do.
Jerri told Howard that she lost 15-20 pounds while she was in Australia. Howard said that Elisabeth is also looking too skinny lately. He said he likes skinny girls but she's looking too skinny.
Howard asked Jerri about the rumor that she and host Jeff Probst had a thing while she was there. She said that the rumors aren't true and ''there's nothing going on between me and Jeff Probst''. Howard asked her if she's just saying that because Jeff is in the middle of a divorce. She said the rumors are just not true.
Jerri said she really did have a crush on Colby while she was there but now that she's watched the show and seen what he's said about her, she's done with that.
Howard asked what Jerri brought as a luxury item. She reminded him that it was the bongo. Howard said that was really annoying.
Howard then asked Jerri about Tina's boobs. He thinks they're implants because Tina is so old and her boobs look so young. Jerri said that Tina is only 40 years old. Howard found that hard to believe. Jerri had no idea whether they are implants or not.
Howard also asked Jerri about going doody. Jerri said she didn't go that often because they weren't eating much. She said that when she did go, the camera crews gave her some space.
Howard told Jerri that he was very surprised that they voted her out. His theory was that if they kept her around until the final two, no one would vote for her to win and someone else would be guaranteed to win.
Howard said that he would have banged her if he was there in the tribe. Colby could have done it but he never tried. Howard thinks that it was a bad idea voting her off because she was one of the more interesting people there. Jerri said that she just speaks her mind and that irritated a lot of people.
Jerri told Howard that she grew up in Germany as an Army brat. She said that her father was a Command Sergeant Major which is the highest a guy can go in that position.
KC came in at one point and said that the E! guys noticed that one of her boobs was bigger than the other. Fred said it looked like the left one was wider than the right. Howard said they might be on to something but Jerri said it was just the lighting.
Howard said there's a rumor that there's a sex tape of Jerri and Colby floating around but she said that's not true either. She kept asking Howard if he believes everything he reads.
Howard started taking phone calls for Jerri. One guy said he knows who the final two are but Jerri just shook her head and laughed when the guy told Howard who it was. He said it's Colby and one of the other guys.
Howard said one of Jerri's ex-boyfriends said that she drained him sexually. Jerri said that she is a very sexual person. She was married when she was 19 and ended up cheating on her husband.
Howard asked Jerri about her friend Amber who was in her tribe. Howard described her as being ''comatose'' because she never said much. Howard then asked Jerri if she ever had a lesbian experience. She laughed so Howard took that as a yes. He guessed that she must have had some experience but she denied ever having any lesbian experiences.
Jerri did date comedian Joe Rogan. Apparently Rogan posted something on his web site saying that because of Jerri, he'll never date another woman who has a head shot of herself.
One phone caller asked Jerri if she put out for the guy she went out with on ''Blind Date''. She said she didn't and she was drunk on the show.
Benjy interrupted during one point and asked Jerri if she's got any Jewish in her. Howard ended up yelling at him for ruining his show once again. She said ''not that I know of'' when he asked.
Gary came in shortly before Jerri left and asked her if she'd take her top off. Howard offered her $3,000 to do it but Gary upped it to a full $10,000. She immediately said ''no''. She said she wasn't willing to change her ways for a million bucks on ''Survivor'' so she's not going to take her top off for ten grand.
Howard said that Gary the Retard was offered $10,000 to direct a porno movie. Howard said he's got that all set up for him.
Mark Hamill will be on ''Son of the Beach'' as Divine Rod once again tonight. Howard said he'll be calling in later today.
Howard replayed the Gary Garver interview with Adam Sandler that he played yesterday. After playing it Howard started complaining about the cold studio again. He said that he was thinking of walking out at 7 o'clock if he wasn't warm by then.
Howard replayed some other Gary Garver interviews that he played recently. They included Gary Busey, Janet Leigh, Bridget Fonda, Sean Young, Don Cornelius, Cliff Robertson, Viveca A. Fox and rapper Casanova. During the interviews Craig Gass' ''Adam Sandler'' would interrupt with some comments about each person. The comments were funnier than the real Adam Sandler's.
Boxer Gerry Cooney called in and said that he's not training Crazy Cabbie like Cabbie said he was. Howard spent a few short minutes talking to Gerry about what he's up to. Gerry said that he's retired and just enjoying life with his wife and baby boy. He's got a little girl on the way. Howard invited him down to the upcoming fight between Cabbie and Angry Black. Gerry said he may go to the event. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his fighting days and then invited him down to the studio to see if Cabbie can even hit a punching bag. That should be happening soon.
A woman calling herself Queen of all Whites called in asking to fight the winner of the Angry Black/Crazy Cabbie fight. Howard could tell by her voice that she was a mental patient. He asked her if she was one and she admitted to it. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about her awful sounding life before ending the call.
Howard then got Jim Monroe from Vivid Interactive on the phone to give Gary the good news. Jim told Gary that he was getting the chance to direct one scene in an upcoming porn movie starring Dasha. Gary will be flown to Hollywood and he'll get to tell direct a scene. While Jim was describing all of this Gary was yelling and screaming like he'd just won the lottery. After Jim was done telling him what he won, Howard asked Gary if he knew what he'd just won. Gary said that he was going to see women.
Dasha the porn star got on the phone and talked to Gary a little bit also. She tried to get Gary to tell her what he's going to have her do. Gary still sounded like he had no clue though. ''Sam Kinison'' (Craig Gass) asked ''How are they going to get the money shot if the guy doesn't even know what money is?''
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard that when Dasha came to this country she was a maid for a while. Howard asked her about that a little bit before wrapping up the interview. Howard told Gary to remember some key phrases he needs to be a director. Things like ''Check the gate'', ''Quiet on the set'' and ''Grab your ass and moon'' were some of them. You can find out more about Vivid Interactive at VividDVD.com
''South Park'' creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have a new TV show called ''That's My Bush'' starting soon. Howard said it has gotten horrible reviews. He says that the two of them aren't funny and it shows with the two movies they've had and this new TV show. Craig Gass did a little bit of a Cartman impression saying that the new show isn't funny.
Howard read that the cable channel Bravo showed the ''Godfather'' movies recently and cut out all of the cursing and violent scenes. He wondered how a cable channel has to do something ridiculous like that.
Howard quickly mentioned that Darryl Strawberry was found yesterday after calling friends claiming that he'd been kidnapped.
A phone caller told Howard that Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee are back together again. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how Pam might need to go see a psychiatrist. She claimed that Tommy physically abused her during their relationship(s) and she's actually going back to him again?
Howard described Erik as being a big, fat, smelly Baby Huey. Gary just said ''Uch'' as he walked in because he's disgusted by him. He said that Erik was calling him yesterday every half hour thanking him for sending him on the trip. Gary told him to just get a life already. We then learned that Erik doesn't work. He spends all of his time on the computer. He's been out of work for nearly a year now.
KC said that the worst part of the trip was Erik's breath. It was horrible. Howard noticed that Erik's gums were bleeding once again this morning. Erik said he brushed them two times this morning though. It doesn't work.
Howard noticed that he is still as fat as ever. Erik weighs in at a full 305 pounds. He said he just joined a gym though.
Eric went through his day with Howard. He said that he drinks like 15 cups of coffee during Howard's show. Then he takes a 2 hour nap. He then gets on the computer and spends the rest of the night on that.
KC complained about some of the annoying things about Erik. He said that when Erik says something with a C or a K in it, it sounds like he's choking. KC had him say ''coffee'' and it sounded like ''CHoffee''.
While they were on the trip KC had a hidden tape player going. Howard played a bunch of the clips to let us hear what KC had to deal with. In the first tape Erik was talking about how he calls all of the DJs on K-Rock. He just talks constantly and won't shut up.
Howard was still wondering about how Erik can support himself. Erik said that his father pays his rent for him. He collects unemployment to pay his phone bill and food bill. ''Sam Kinison'' interrupted and said that they could smell Erik's breath down in Hell. He said Jeffrey Dahmer said ''Does it smell like something died in here?''
KC said that when they were at one of the games he heard Erik screaming. He thought he was hurt or something but he'd just run into news anchor Chuck Scarborough. He was holding him until KC got there. When he got there KC apologized to Chuck. KC then told us how much Erik loves TV weathermen. He calls all of the weathermen in New York and tries to hang out with them. Everyone thinks it's kind of gay. Then we learned that Erik lets his cop buddies sleep over at his apartment. ''Sam Kinison'' asked Erik if he spoons them while they're there. Erik had no clue as to what spooning was so they had to explain it to him. Erik said that he works on the computer while the cops are there.
KC said that Erik is like a living TV guide. He knows what shows are on every night. He has all the time in the world and he spends it all watching TV, chatting on the computer and listening to Howard.
Stuttering John came in and complained that Erik was e-mailing him. He found John's private e-mail address on the SternFanNetwork.com and he won't stop e-mailing him.
KC said that Erik also does some stand-up comedy. Erik told a couple of really lame jokes and KC pretended to laugh at them to make him think they were actually funny.
KC told Howard that Erik hit on just about every woman he came across. He had tape of that too so Howard played it for us to hear.
Crazy Cabbie called in and complained about Erik and how he calls the Cane show all the time. Erik loves Cane and calls the show more than he calls Howard. Cabbie also talked about the upcoming fight between him and Angry Black. Cabbie said that he's going to kick Angry Shelly's ass. ''The little girl Shelly...'' he said.
Jessica Hahn called in near the end of the segment and said that she was willing to be Erik's friend. She said that Howard could hook him up with her. Howard thinks that Jessica was still sleepy and when she wakes up she'll realize that it was a bad idea to hook up with him.
Jessica also spoke to ''Sam'' for a little bit. She said it was nice to have him back (from the grave). ''...and this one is controllable!'' Howard added.
KC and Erik's trip was provided by CBS.SportsLine.com
Howard heard that Mark does an amazing Harrison Ford impression so he asked him to do it. Mark said that he's not allowed to do it anymore because Harrison asked him not to. Howard kept asking him to do it but he kept refusing. Then Mark accused Howard of stealing a Garry Shandling joke which he used on his last David Letterman appearance. Howard had no idea what he was talking about. Howard then brought up the car accident mark was in back in the late 70's. Mark didn't want to talk about that either so Howard played a few clips from ''Son of the Beach''. ''Sam Kinison'' told Mark ''Quit hogging the bottle and pass it over!'' because he kind of sounded like he was out of it. A few phone callers agreed. They said he sounded like he was high on something. One caller even said he sounded gay. Another guy said he sounded like John Malkovich. It was all very weird. One guy begged Mark to do his Harrison Ford impression but Mark said he'd only do it in the studio if he ever comes in again. He said it's really not that good and it's very subtle. As they were wrapping it up ''Sam'' asked Mark ''Was Han Solo a leather freak?'' Mark didn't hear the question so they dropped it.
Howard's ex-friend Leila Arcieri called in also. Leila, who plays Jamaica St. Croix on ''Son of the Beach'', did an interview with Chaunce Hayden recently. In the interview she told Chaunce about everything that happened in his apartment. Howard was very upset that he let her into his ''inner-sanctum'' and she gave away secrets. He told her that she's no longer a friend. Leila said that she didn't know that what she was doing was wrong. She apologized and kept saying that she didn't know it was wrong. She also claimed that Chaunce was paraphrasing what she actually said. Howard said that wasn't true because he heard the tape for himself. As a matter of fact, he said he's going to play it on the show tomorrow. He said that he learned a lesson from all of this and he's not going to make friends with anyone else. He also said he's going to only date deaf, mute women from now on. When Leila revealed that she's dating some new guy Howard tried to get some info about his apartment. Leila said she just started talking to the guy so she didn't know anything. Craig's ''Crazy Cabbie'' asked ''Is your new boyfriend well hung?'' but Leila didn't answer.
Howard recently told Robin that he was going to paint something similar to a Jackson Pollock painting so she could try and tell which one was his. She had been saying that Pollock's paintings ''move'' her. Howard had someone show 6 paintings to Robin so she could guess which was Howard's. She wasn't able to figure out which was Howard's but she did pick out a phony. Howard knew she wouldn't be able to pick it out. He said all Pollock did was spray paint garbage on a canvas. Robin said she picked out the 2 that she recognized as being Pollock's. Howard said he painted the thing in 7 minutes.
Robin argued that she knew the ones that moved her and not Pollock's earlier crap. Howard kept trying to get her to pick out the pictures that didn't move her and she wouldn't do it. Robin was getting very emotional and loud with Howard. He was trying to prove a point with this whole thing but it wasn't happening. Robin finally broke down and picked number 6 as Howard's. It was actually number 3 which Fred had guessed. Howard said the painting was called ''Help''. Robin was still sounded very upset over the whole thing for no reason. Robin eventually told Howard that his painting did look like early Jackson Pollock.
A listener called in and offered Howard $1000 for the painting but Howard didn't want to give it up. Howard told the guy he was going to do a new painting that he'd give him for free. He said he's going to pleasure himself on a black canvas and he'll let the guy have it free. The guy didn't want to take him up on the offer.
Robin said she never could pick out Howard's painting. She said she just let Howard do his thing after he claimed he could paint something that would move her. She told Howard to just let her be moved by something and leave it at that. Howard said ''I won!'' to Robin a few times to quiet her down. She really didn't care though. The two of them argued about Pollock and whether or not he was talented. Robin said that Howard has to crap on everything that she likes. When she said that she liked Gregory Hines, Howard went in a bathroom and tap danced to show that anyone could do it. Now he's done this with Jackson Pollock. Howard said tomorrow he'll take a crap and it'll look like a Monet. Robin went silent for a minute. She then said that she wanted to crap on Stuttering John because he was just standing there laughing like a fool.
After taking a break Howard said that the Pollock stuff won't be on any of his TV shows. The E! people told him that they don't have rights to the paintings so they can't show them on TV. Howard wondered why that is and why people can take stuff out of his book and put it on TV like they did on MSNBC. That led to Howard talking about the MSNBC special that was done about him recently. He just watched it and it bummed him out. He said he doesn't know why shows like that bum him out but this one sure did.
Howard watched some of the David Copperfield special that was on last night and he was amazed. He said it was incredible. He described some of the tricks that Copperfield did and tried to figure out how he did them. A guy called in and said he knew how he levitated the couch. The guy explained that it's done with compressed air like an air hockey table turned upside down. Howard eventually told him he was nuts and hung up on him.
Howard was also amazed when David cut himself in half and held the bottom part of his body. Howard then described Copperfield and some kid he reunited with his father. Howard said that Copperfield and this kid vanished from the stage they were on and appeared in Hawaii all of a sudden. Robin told him he was watching tape and it was just an illusion. Howard said you have to see it though. Howard ended up hanging up on every caller that tried to explain the tricks. One guy said they used blue screens to fake the tricks and Howard hung up on him. A magician called in and said that Copperfield gets help from other magicians. He also said he buys a lot of his tricks. Howard didn't care about all of that, he said that the guy is just an amazing illusionist.
Howard said in the interview it sounds like Leila is saying that he has to show off his apartment to get laid. Howard said he wasn't trying to get laid because he wouldn't go there with her. She works for him and that's not how he works. He said he hardly pays attention to the interns that work on his show. Benjy came in and said that some of the interns get pissed that Howard ignores them so much. One of the interns came in and said she doesn't get upset that he doesn't pay attention though. Gary asked her if Howard invited her over to his place, would she go. She said she would. They then asked her if Howard showed her the bedroom last, would that be strange. She said yes. That's what Leila made it sound like in her interview but Howard said that they watched ''Son of the Beach'' after he showed her the bedroom so it's not true.
Howard took a break and when he came back he stalled on playing the tape for a while. He replayed a phony David Letterman call that they did last week and a few other things. Finally a caller told Howard to quit stalling and get to the damn tape.
Chaunce Hayden, who did the interview with Leila on his eyada.com radio show, came in. He was wearing leather pants so Howard goofed on him for a little bit. He said that no guy looks straight in leather pants. Howard got back to the tape and Leila goes on to say that Howard said he wanted to bang her but she turned him down because he's her boss. She didn't say that they were kidding about that on the air. Howard was interrupted for a short time when David Copperfield called in.
They also spent a short time talking about David Blaine who bad mouths Copperfield. Copperfield said that Blaine is good at what he does though. He wouldn't bad mouth the guy.
David also kissed Howard's ass a little bit. He said the fact that Howard has been doing this radio show for so long, and for 4 hours a day, is amazing. David said he got calls from network executives and a lot of other powerful people who listen to Howard's show. He sounded almost equally impressed with Howard as Howard was with him.
Howard asked David about his girlfriend and when David started yelling for her to come to the phone the line went dead. David called back a couple minutes later and said the phone line came disconnected. Howard just told him he wanted to let him know what he thought of the show anyway and ended the call.
A phone caller told Howard that Chaunce ''broke the code'' of men by asking her about all of this stuff. Howard said that's not exactly true. Chaunce hardly had to ask her anything, she just blurted it all out without being coaxed into it. As a matter of fact Howard said it sounded like Chaunce backed off because she was saying too much.
Howard continued the tape and you hear Leila talking about how Howard ordered sushi from Nobu for dinner. She talks about the apartment more and all of that good stuff. Chaunce asked her if she had a second date with Howard and that's when she shut up. She said she wasn't sure if she was supposed to comment on that. But she'd just talked about everything else. Howard said they never did have even a first date never mind a second one. Howard kept saying that this tape made him seem like a ''tool'' over and over again. A phone caller said he's not the King of all Tools.
Everyone is wondering if we'll hear more stories like this from other women that Howard has dated. He said it's possible because he has had other women up to his apartment. He said he's pretty exclusive with this Beth Ostrosky woman he's been dating for a while now. Chaunce put the word out that he'd like to have any women that have dated Howard on his show. He said he was kidding and he's a friend of the show though.
Howard said that he knew that Leila wasn't interested in him so this wasn't a date. Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that he knew that Leila was bad news. He said he told Howard, before he ever had her over to his apartment, that she was a user. He also said that Howard knew she wasn't interested in him from the start. Ralph also called Leila a ''horrible actress'' but Howard said that's not true.
Howard said he learned a lesson from all of this... but he couldn't figure out what it was. Then after thinking for a while he finally said he learned not to hang out with Leila. He also learned that she's a big mouth.
Howard was wrapping up the segment because it was getting late but Stuttering John had some info about Chaunce. He said that Chaunce gets paid six figures for that radio show he does on eyada.com. Chaunce said he didn't want to comment on it because it's tax time. Someone said they heard he gets paid $250,000 a year! Howard was stunned. Robin asked him if she could work for them too. Howard had to take a break so he had to put the conversation on hold.
When they came back from break Howard asked Chaunce about the money. Chaunce said he couldn't say exactly what he makes but Howard is close. He said he has to stay quiet because other people at the site would get upset and ask for more money or quit. Howard wonders how the site can possibly be making that much money. Chaunce said they have great investors and advertising to back it up. He also said that he has the number 1 internet radio show. He told Howard that this is the future of radio and that one of the new Lexus models has an internet capable radio in it. Howard said it might be the future but right now it's nothing.
At around 9:20 Chaunce's producer called in and asked him where he was. His show started at 9 and he wasn't there to do it. Chaunce said he'd be there in like 5 minutes. Howard mentioned that there were a lot of layoffs at eyada.com but Chaunce said it was because those people weren't getting listeners so they had to get rid of them.
Howard eventually got rid of Chaunce. A short time later he got a call from this guy Mitch. Mitch told Howard how eyada.com is making money. He said that they have a 25 minute audio clip of Howard's interview with Rush and Malloy on the first page of the site. Mitch played a quick clip of it for Howard. Howard told Gary to call his agent so they could go after them for stealing his show. Just a minute before that he was talking about how great this guy Bob Meyerwitz is at making money. As soon as he heard there was a clip of his show on the site he said that Bob knows better than that and now he's going to have to sue him.
Howard Started off the show talking about yesterday's show and how they should take off a whole month after doing one that good. He said they have a good show today as well. Dave ''Walrus'' Hawthorne was sitting in this morning. He said that Dave was wearing an ''F-Jackie'' T-shirt since he was sitting in for the long gone Jackie. Howard said he hasn't seen Dave in about 10-15 years since he moved out to Los Angeles. He didn't know who the big guy was standing out there in the hall.
Howard had Dave stand up and show Robin just how big he was. He said he asked Ronnie who it was and blew right by him. Then he had to go back and say hi to him.
Howard said that David Spade will be on the show tomorrow. David left a message for Howard on his answering machine yesterday but he wouldn't leave his number for him to call back. Howard thinks that's really weird and that only one other person has done that to him, Courtney Love. He said he's not sure he wants to sit there and listen to Dave complaining about not being able to pick a personal assistant. He complained about people not giving him their personal numbers because they seem to be afraid that he's going to post them on the internet or something crazy like that. Howard said he rarely even calls Robin or anyone else on the phone. He doesn't like using the phone that much.
Howard asked Dave Hawthorne if he's had any success out in Los Angeles. He said he has done some writing and even stared opposite Jack Nicholson in ''As good as it gets'' where Jack calls him a moron. He said he had lines in the movie but they got cut out. Howard said that the guys in the office were sending him notes that they couldn't hear Dave talking. He said he could hear him fine though.
Howard said he read one review about The Sopranos where the guy said that the show went too far when one of the characters beat up his pregnant girlfriend. Howard said that stuff is going on every day in the real world. He and Robin spent a minute talking about that before the caller challenged them to a trivia contest.
Howard took him on and said that he'd answer trivia and the guy on the phone had to guess TV theme songs. The guy gave Howard one question about how to tell which is the left or right side of a river. Howard thought the question was ridiculous and guessed wrong. The guy gave him another one but Howard gave up on him. Instead, he had the guy just go ahead and try to guess the theme songs.
Gary came in and played some music that you'd never recognize. It turned out it was ''The Price is Right'' but not the current theme. Then he played an old ''Hollywood Squares'' theme that the guy couldn't guess either. Finally, Gary played ''Lets Make a Deal''. The guy didn't know but Robin guessed it right for the guy. For all of this the guy won a trip to the American Comedy Awards show in California courtesy of Comedy Central.
The guy on the phone continued to ask Howard questions. He wanted to know which of the inner-circle Howard likes to hang out with. Howard ended up saying Stuttering John after talking about the rest of the guys and why he doesn't hang with them. He said he used to hang out with Jackie before he left the show.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks Jackie will ever return to the show. Howard doesn't think so and he said he doesn't think he'd allow him to come back even if he wanted to. He said he likes having different guys sit in on the show and he really likes ''the new guy'' Craig Gass who has been sitting in a couple days a week lately. Howard said he used to feel that he had to watch what he said around Jackie all the time so he wouldn't upset him. He said he doesn't miss that.
Howard mentioned that Hank the Dwarf is in the latest ''Son of the Beach'' show and he's very funny in it. He said he turned out to be a very funny comedic actor. The guys were also talking about this death pool thing that they've done in the past. Howard said he doesn't want to do it anymore because he sucks at it. He said that Gary does research and stuff but he doesn't have time to do that himself. Howard picked a bunch of old guys that were old and none of them died. They went to break a short time later.
Stuttering John told Howard that he had problems finishing when he had sex with his wife for the first time since her pregnancy. He said it was because of the Luvox he's been taking for his OCD. He also said that since his wife is still breast feeding he got some ''vitamin D'' on him. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. He meant that he got milk on him. John said it was like squeezing an orange when he squeezed her breasts.
John told everyone that he's got his wife back to exercising. Howard said that John is very mean to his wife and the way he talks to her. He makes her feel like crap about the way she looks after her pregnancy. Howard said that he's always saying stuff to her about hitting the gym and things like that. Gary said that he heard from someone who said that John has gotten really weird with those comments he makes.
The guys heard that John will go to the gym with his wife and he'll turn up the speed on her stationary bike. John said that she was riding on level 1 and he figured there was no way she was going to lose weight on that level so he turned it up.
The guys pointed out that John is getting kind of chunky himself. John showed them his belly and said he's looking fine but Howard said it looked like he was holding it in. John said he wants his wife to be a MILF (Mom I'd Like To F***). Robin said that John was actually saying ''MILTH'' so Howard figured that meant she was a ''Mom I Love To Hate''
John continued to talk about not being able to complete with his wife. He said that he can finish himself off even using the Luvox but for some reason, he can't do it with his wife. Howard said that if he was with a new girl, he'd probably be able to finish in two seconds.
Howard said that John was giving his wife a hard time when they were out one night and telling her that she needs to turn the treadmill up higher when she's working out. Howard figured that she's going to get upset with him if he keeps that up.
John talked about his stocks and how he's down quite a bit of money right now. That led to the guys talking about how bad Lucent is doing and stuff like that.
Howard wanted the guy to just give us the info on the product he used so he could get off the phone with him. The guy said it was this thing called Dr. Joel Kaplan's Penis Enlarger. He said he got it a while ago on DrJoelKaplan.com. He said he paid about a hundred bucks for the product. He said you have to put the thing on for about an hour a day.
Howard checked out the web site and couldn't believe the before and after pictures he saw. Howard read some of the info on the site and found out the device costs about $200. Howard probably won't be getting one. He was going to hang up on the guy but the guy wanted to stay on longer. Howard told him he's not going to dedicate an hour a day for 8 months just to gain an inch.
Howard read through some of the notes on that site but the caller kept interrupting him. He and the guys talked about their balls a little bit and how they've been getting droopy the older they get. The caller kept repeating that he had gained some length but Howard told him that he was annoying because he'd already said that a bunch of times.
Stuttering John got the guys back on the stock talk. He brought up a couple of stocks which got the guys talking about that stuff for a few minutes. Scott DePace came in and gave his theory on why the market was down. He basically blamed it on President Clinton because all of his policies were just starting to take effect.
Howard said he was there, he saw John talking to his wife about her weight. The woman said that guys want women to look like whores but they eventually change after having kids. Now maybe she wants to dress like a mother. John said that's not the case. She wants to lose weight.
John said he never said that she was fat, she's the one who wants to lose weight. He said he paid $1,000 for a gym membership and bought her a stair master for Christmas. Howard let the woman go a short time later. John was still saying that she was probably a pig and her husband probably wants to say something to her.
A guy called in and wanted some advice from Howard about his girlfriend's death. Apparently she died after going into a hospital detox center because she was a drunk. The guy said he didn't even know she was a drinker for the 8 years he knew her. He said that the hospital never contacted her family and he wanted to know what he should do. Howard really didn't have any advice other than hiring a lawyer to sue the hospital.
The guys tried to figure out how to help the guy out but they really didn't have any other advice. Howard said that he might have a case there but he's really not sure. The caller was giving Howard some of the details but Howard told him to just call a lawyer. There are a lot of guys dying for any kind of case out there.
Howard said he was reading a model magazine and they were saying that you do have to be tall to be a model. He said his daughter is 6 feet tall so he told her to go have her picture taken. Howard was still going through the pictures and found one that was topless. He told Gary to ask the guy who sent the pictures about what he'd like them to use the girls for.
Gary told Howard a story about calling information to get the number for some restaurant. He called and the operator asked him if he wanted to make reservations. Gary did so the operator told him they had a new service where they'd take reservations for the restaurants. Gary gave him the info but then asked the operator if there was a charge for this. The operator told him there was a charge but he wasn't supposed to divulge that information. Gary told the guy to forget the reservation and wondered where you buy something and they don't tell you how much it is.
Howard said that the phone company is getting into a lot of that but they don't ever tell people what they're going to charge. Gary said he was going to cancel the reservation. He said that he was going to talk to a supervisor but he was in a rush so he didn't bother.
KC came in and said that the biggest scam is when you call information and they tell you to press 1 to dial direct. He said if you do that they charge you and the call doesn't go through 9 out of 10 times. Howard told him he was nuts and told him to get out of the studio.
Howard said he's been to some full nude clubs and they're really creepy. Gary said that they went to a place one time that was the home of the couch dance and the girls were fully nude and dance about 6 inches in front of your face. Howard said the girls at that club were about 4's on a scale of 10. They went there unannounced and they had these private booths to get dances in.
Gary said that they all sat on a long couch at that club and there were no private booths there. Robin was there and remembered watching what was going on there. She said she's seen Howard at those clubs and he's like a hot fudge sundae and the girls are the fudge, dripping all over him. Howard said that Ross is the guy that usually gets things going at those parties.
Robin said she had one stripper trying to touch her boobs and go under her shirt but she stopped her. Robin said she really isn't into that stuff. Howard said Robin's man would have enjoyed seeing her get it on with another woman. Robin wanted nothing to do with that.
Howard got back to the strip club story and said one of the guys there asked him if he wanted to go back to the back room. He said he had to turn that down because he didn't want to be caught on some hidden camera doing anything.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and talked about seeing Robin and the stripper talking and trying to avoid getting the dance. He said that the other girl really seemed like she was into Robin. Robin said that she came over and pried her legs open and started to do the dance. Howard thinks that if Vinnie wasn't there Robin might have been able to get into it. Robin said that it had nothing to do with Vinnie. Howard let Vinnie go because he's got an hour and a half bus ride ahead of him.
Howard said that using the sesame oil was sacrilegious because they use that for so many things in his family. He said that his mother uses it for her skin and they had to have a plumber come in because she was clogging up the pipes in the house with her oil. He said she was greasing herself like a greased pig.
Howard said his mother gave him some sesame oil to use on his skin and then he realized that he could use it on his penis. He said he would always make a mess with it though because it gets all over everything. He said he ended up getting into a frenzy over it. He suggested that people get some clarified sesame oil if they want to give it a try. He said when he gets a cold and his nose is sore, he snorts some to ease the pain. They went to a break a short time later.
That led to a discussion about nudity. Howard said he saw a guy at his gym the other day just walking around doing stuff totally nude in the locker room. Howard said that guys that are big in the pants don't have a problem doing that. He obviously wouldn't do it himself. Howard talked about seeing his father's penis when he was a kid. He also said he saw his mother naked and he remembers her big bush and huge breasts. Dave said he's never seen either of his parents naked.
Howard said that they sent someone out to interview some Chinese New Yorkers about this spy plane controversy that's going on. He played tape of one guy just rambling incoherently about the situation. The guy said he hopes that the U.S. apologizes for the whole situation. Howard said we can't do that because we'd be responsible for 2 deaths if we apologize and admit it was our fault.
Dave said that he's afraid of Asian countries. Howard said it's probably because there are just so many of them. He said that he thinks if we bombed one of these countries they'd just come back stronger. Howard and Dave discussed how the Koreans seem to dislike blacks and vice versa. Dave said it's not all Koreans, it's more like one in five that he doesn't get along with. He talked about how he goes to a Korean store and even though he knows the guy who runs it, he still watches over him like he's going to steal something.
Howard talked about how he thinks he could possibly get Rose McGowan now that she's broken up with Marilyn Manson but he's not sure he'd want her after she's probably had freaky sex with Manson. He said that he hung out with the two of them and Marilyn ended up putting his hand on his knee which kind of freaked him out a little bit.
Howard took a couple of calls for Dave before wrapping up. Gay Ramone was one of them. Ramone asked Dave if he's ever had a gay experience. Dave said ''no!'' Ramone then asked if he could ''Stump the comedian'' with Dave. Howard let him do it. Ramone said ''How can you tell if a black man is well hung?'' Dave didn't know the answer. The punch line is ''You can't fit your finger through the noose.'' Howard didn't get it at first. It had to be explained to him. He was thinking penis when Ramone was talking about actual hanging.
Another caller called Howard a pussy for not banging all of the chicks he possibly can. Howard told the guy he can't be as cool as him and hung up. That led to Howard talking about the whole Leila Arcieri thing that happened on the show yesterday. He told Dave about it all and then wrapped up the interview. Dave hung around for the rest of the show.
Howard told Mike that if he waits a couple of years the TVs that come out will be better than they are now and there will be more programming. Then Mike said that DVDs look incredible on an HDTV set. Howard then seemed to see the light. Robin backed up that claim and said that they are amazing on these sets.
Howard asked Mike if he's got an HDTV himself. Mike said he just bought a Mitsubishi 55'' set for $4000. He said he'd even give Howard a demonstration in his apartment if he wanted it. Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard just how good the picture is. Howard let him go after getting his endorsement. Howard thanked Mike for filling him in on the stuff and ended the call.
After the call Howard played tape of Arsenio Hall and Bill Maher arguing with each other on ''Politically Incorrect'' a couple of weeks ago. Dave Chappelle was still hanging around for the rest of the show so they spent some time discussing the tape.
Howard and Dave spent a few minutes talking about smoking after Howard read that Dave was still a cigarette smoker. Dave also talked about going to strip clubs around the country. He said that they're very different down south and in other countries. He told Howard some stories about going to some clubs and some of the crazy things that the strippers have done. Howard went to break a short time later.
Dave said he saw her hand on Regis and it looked pretty nasty to him. Robin said she keeps pulling off the bandage to show people and that might be how it got infected. She said that hand is also probably very important to that relationship. That led to Howard and Fred having some fun with some vibrator sound effects and Howard playing the part of Rosie talking to her girlfriend about how they were going to have sex without that hand. Howard said that's some nasty sex right there. He said that a lesbian's hand is like a dude's schween.
Double A called in and told Dave that he's funny as hell and he'd like to hear him on the show twice a week. Dave said he appreciates that. Double A also thanked Howard for the great radio he's done over the past couple of months.
Howard's theory was that Rosie's hand got infected because she's so unhealthy. He said that anyone that's that fat is bound to get sick. He said when he was fat and eating crap food, he was always sick.
Howard said they got a call from a guy who has this product that allows women to pee standing up like a man. The product is called a ''Shenis.'' He asked KC to book the guy even though he told him not to earlier. He had some questions about the product so he wanted to get him on the show.
Robin got to her news and read through a bunch of stories. Dave hung around and commented on the stories with Howard. Dave 'Walrus' Hawthorne threw in a few comments here and there too. Howard wrapped up after Robin was done with her news. They ended the show around 10:30am (Mastertape Theatre time).
Howard said that David Spade will be on the show tomorrow. David left a message for Howard on his answering machine yesterday but he wouldn't leave his number for him to call back. Howard thinks that's really weird and that only one other person has done that to him, Courtney Love.
Howard asked Dave if he's had any success out in Los Angeles. He said he has done some writing and even stared opposite Jack Nicholson in ''As good as it gets'' where Jack calls him a moron. He said he had lines in the movie but they got cut out.
A guy called in and challenged Howard to a trivia contest. Howard took him on and said that he'd answer trivia and the guy on the phone had to guess TV theme songs. The guy gave Howard one question about how to tell which is the left or right side of a river. Howard thought the question was ridiculous and guessed wrong. The guy gave him another one but Howard gave up on him. Instead, he had the guy just go ahead and try to guess the theme songs. Gary came in and played some music that you'd never recognize. It turned out it was ''The Price is Right'' but not the current theme. Then he played an old ''Hollywood Squares'' theme that the guy couldn't guess either. Finally, Gary played ''Lets Make a Deal''. The guy didn't know but Robin guessed it right for the guy. For all of this the guy won a trip to the American Comedy Awards show in California courtesy of Comedy Central.
The guy on the phone continued to ask Howard questions. He wanted to know which of the inner-circle Howard likes to hang out with. Howard ended up saying Stuttering John after talking about the rest of the guys and why he doesn't hang with them. He said he used to hang out with Jackie before he left the show. The guy asked Howard if he thinks Jackie will ever return to the show. Howard doesn't think so and he said he doesn't think he'd allow him to come back even if he wanted to. He said he likes having different guys sit in on the show and he really likes ''the new guy'' Craig Gass who has been sitting in a couple days a week lately. Howard said he used to feel that he had to watch what he said around Jackie all the time so he wouldn't upset him. He said he doesn't miss that.
After taking a break Howard said it was a big mistake saying that John was the one he hangs out with. He said John came in and starred at him with love in his eyes during the break. John came back in and said that he likes hanging out with Howard too but he doesn't have love in his eyes.
Stuttering John told Howard that he had problems finishing when he had sex with his wife for the first time since her pregnancy. He said it was because of the Luvox he's been taking for his OCD. He also said that since his wife is still breast feeding he got some ''vitamin D'' on him. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. He meant that he got milk on him. John said it was like squeezing an orange when he squeezed her breasts.
John told everyone that he's got his wife back to exercising. Howard said that John is very mean to his wife and the way he talks to her. He makes her feel like crap about the way she looks after her pregnancy.
John continued to talk about not being able to complete with his wife. He said that he can finish himself off even using the Luvox but for some reason, he can't do it with his wife.
A guy called in and wanted some advice from Howard about his girlfriend's death. Apparently she died after going into a hospital detox center because she was a drunk. The guy said he didn't even know she was a drinker for the 8 years he knew her. He said that the hospital never contacted her family and he wanted to know what he should do. Howard really didn't have any advice other than hiring a lawyer to sue the hospital.
Howard got a bunch of pictures of models from some agency who was offering them to Howard for anything he needs them for. Howard looked through them and said they were all hot. He gave one to Gary and told him he needed her for something... He just didn't know exactly what.
Gary told Howard a story about calling information to get the number for some restaurant. He called and the operator asked him if he wanted to make reservations. Gary did so the operator told him they had a new service where they'd take reservations for the restaurants. Gary gave him the info but then asked the operator if there was a charge for this. The operator told him there was a charge but he wasn't supposed to divulge that information. Gary told the guy to forget the reservation and wondered where you buy something and they don't tell you how much it is.
Howard read through a few other news stories before Dave Chappelle came in. He had one about a college track team member who was kicked off the team after some of her classmates saw her dancing in an all nude strip club. That led to a discussion about strip clubs and some of the experiences the crew have had.
Howard took a break after the masturbation discussion. When they came back from break Howard spent some time talking to Dave Chappelle. Howard first brought up this week's Saturday night show and all of the stuff that will be on. He said the girls from NakedNews.com will be on. That led to a discussion about nudity. Howard said he saw a guy at his gym the other day just walking around doing stuff totally nude in the locker room. Howard said that guys that are big in the pants don't have a problem doing that. He obviously wouldn't do it. Howard talked about seeing his father's penis when he was a kid. He also said he saw his mother naked and he remembers her big bush and huge breasts. Dave said he's never seen either of his parents naked.
Howard said that they sent someone out to interview some Chinese New Yorkers about this spy plane controversy that's going on. He played tape of one guy just rambling incoherently about the situation. The guy said he hopes that the U.S. apologizes for the whole situation. Howard said we can't do that because we'd be responsible for 2 deaths if we apologize and admit it was our fault.
Dave said that he's afraid of Asian countries. Howard said it's probably because there are just so many of them. He said that he thinks if we bombed one of these countries they'd just come back stronger. Howard and Dave discussed how the Koreans seem to dislike blacks and vice versa. Dave said it's not all Koreans, it's more like one in five that he doesn't get along with. He talked about how he goes to a Korean store and even though he knows the guy who runs it, he still watches over him like he's going to steal something.
Howard took a couple of calls for Dave before wrapping up. Gay Ramone was one of them. Ramone asked Dave if he's ever had a gay experience. Dave said ''no''. Ramone then asked if he could ''Stump the comedian'' with Dave. Howard let him do it. Ramone said ''How can you tell if a black man is well hung?'' Dave didn't know the answer. The punch line is ''You can't fit your finger through the noose.'' Howard didn't get it at first. It had to be explained to him. He was thinking penis when Ramone was talking about actual hanging.
Another caller called Howard a pussy for not banging all of the chicks he possibly can. Howard told the guy he can't be as cool as him and hung up. That led to Howard talking about the whole Leila Arcieri thing that happened on the show yesterday. He told Dave about it all and then wrapped up the interview.
Dave Chappelle will be appearing at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York City on Friday the 13th and Saturday the 14th. You can get more info at Carolines.com
Howard told Mike that if he waits a couple of years the TVs that come out will be better than they are now and there will be more programming. Then Mike said that DVDs look incredible on an HDTV set. Howard then seemed to see the light. Robin backed up that claim and said that they are amazing on these sets.
Howard asked Mike if he's got an HDTV himself. Mike said he just bought a Mitsubishi 55'' set for $4000. He said he'd even give Howard a demonstration in his apartment if he wanted it. Howard thanked him for filling him in on the stuff and ended the call.
After the call Howard played tape of Arsenio Hall and Bill Maher arguing with each other on ''Politically Incorrect'' a couple of weeks ago. Dave Chappelle was still hanging around for the rest of the show so they spent some time discussing the tape.
Howard and Robin spent a few minutes discussing last night's ''Survivor'' and how lazy Nick was through the whole season. Howard couldn't believe how he even lasted that long. Howard is still surprised that Tina is only 40 years old. He learned that when Jerri was on the show. He said he's asked some people how old they think she is and people guess that she's like 50-55. Howard then surprises them and says she's only 40. Robin said that Elisabeth looks way too skinny but Howard says that he'd still do her.
Howard brought up Rosie O'Donnell because she's got an infection that she can't get rid of. She hurt her hand somehow and after getting stitches she got the infection. Howard wondered why she can't heal herself. He also said that on a lesbian, that hand is like a penis so her girlfriend must be really worried about the infection. Howard thinks that her immune system must be shot because of her poor diet.
Howard said he spoke to Crazy Cabbie about the upcoming fight between him and Angry Black. Cabbie told him a secret... He's got 15 years of martial arts training. Howard said it won't make a difference though. He's still picking Angry Black as the winner. Howard doesn't think that this will be a pay-per-view event. He said his agent said it's just too much of a hassle. He's planning on just showing it on his TV show. They're still planning stuff and nothing is set yet. Gary said he asked Debbie Gibson if she wants to sing the national anthem but she's not set to do it yet. Gary also said that Michael Buffer will be the ring announcer and Mills Lane may be the referee.
Gary told Howard that he knows people who think that Crazy Cabbie just lies about everything and that he may not have even done gay stuff. Howard said if that's true it doesn't matter because he's a great actor. He doesn't think that anyone would admit to doing gay stuff if they didn't actually do it.
Stuttering John thinks that Cabbie could possibly win. He said he won the race against High Pitch Erik and even Win Fred's Money. How that had anything to do with fighting, Howard didn't know.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that over at eYada.com they could host Howard's fight on the web. Howard told Chaunce that their servers could not possibly handle the traffic it would create. The two of them argued about it for a couple of minutes. Howard said he was going to hook Chaunce up with Jeff Schick from IBM to talk about why it can't be done.
Howard thinks that all of the set up for the fight is going to take too long. He just wants to see this fight and see it now. He said he could just have them fight in the studio.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she'd sing the Star Spangled Banner for the upcoming fight. She sang a little bit of it for Howard and she'll probably end up doing it. She was so horrible that Howard said she has to do it.
Howard said David left a message on his machine recently saying that he really likes Beetlejuice when he's on the show. Howard decided to have Beet come in to hang out with David today. Beetlejuice came walking in ''like Apollo Creed in Rocky..'' David said. David said he loves when Beet says ''Who me!?'' Spade spent a minute talking to Beet about weight lifting and his small head. Beetlejuice said his small head is all fake. He doesn't really have a tiny head on a big body?
David talked about his movie ''Joe Dirt'' a little bit. He said that he and Fred Wolf wrote it together.
Howard changed subjects and asked David what he's done about an assistant since his last assistant, Skippy, tried to kill him. David said he got a new assistant and Gary broke in over the speaker and said that she's a piece of ass. She was in the green room so Howard had her come in.
The new assistant, Lindsey, came in and spoke to Howard for a little while. Howard tried to find out what she does for David but they both kept saying that it's just a day to day thing. Howard said she's really cute and asked David if he's banging her. He's not but Howard soon found out that he's dating some chick from ''Baywatch''. Howard checked out some pictures of her and said that he can't believe he's getting her.
Howard took a couple of quick phone calls and started to wrap things up with Spade pretty quick. He said Spade had to get out of there. One woman called in and said that David's ex-assistant Skippy actually took some people on a tour of David's house. David had no idea that happened.
David said that he may do a quick appearance on Saturday Night Live this week. He said Kid Rock may also show up with him.
Howard and David spoke to Beetlejuice a little bit more before the end of the segment. Howard asked Beet if he knows when his movie is coming out. He plays the part of a Pinhead in the film but he's not sure when it'll be out. He just said ''in a couple of days...'' when Howard asked him about the release date. He's also going to be in the Wayans brothers movie ''Scary Movie 2''. He plays the part of a kid who gets a blood transfusion and dies in that movie. You can find out more about Beetlejuice at JollyDwarf.com and more about the movie ''Joe Dirt'' at JoeDirt.com
Howard spent a few minutes playing tape of the MSNBC special that was done on him recently. He showed Steven how he got bashed by them and how they told lies about a lot of stuff.
Steven said that he would be playing Win Fred's Money for a charity... an irritable bowel syndrome or colitis charity. He said that his wife has colitis and it's not a pretty sight.
Howard talked to Steven about a movie he did in which he played a gay guy. He wondered if Steven is gay or not. Steven says he's not, he's just an actor playing the part. He said that he and his wife have a 3 month old son. Howard wondered why he'd get married. Steven said it was time, he's 40 years old. His wife was a producer for MTV in the past so she knows Madonna. Steven said he was invited to Madonna's wedding but he didn't end up going. He said that his wife knows her and they socialize with a few celebrities.
Howard plugged Steven's TV show ''The Weber Show'' a couple of times. He used to be on ''Wings'' years ago so that was discussed a little bit also. Stuttering John made an appearance on that show and he came in to talk about Crystal Bernard. He said that she said to him ''What's a good looking guy like you doing married?'' John thought he could have gotten her. It turns out she dated Rush Limbaugh though. Steven told John that he could have had Rush's sloppy seconds.
Howard finally got around to the game. Fred was sent into Robin's booth so he couldn't hear the questions he was about to ask Steven. Steven had 60 seconds to answer 7 questions. Here they are:
Howard wrapped up the segment and said that this Colitis isn't a real disease anyway so it wasn't a big deal that Steven didn't win the $10,000.
Neil Patrick Harris is in the episode also and David said he's a friend of his. Howard was impressed with Neil's performance as well as David's.
Howard tried to find out what David's wife Courtney was up to but he said she was sleeping. David then started asking Howard a bunch of questions about his new girlfriend Beth in this high pitched, New York accent voice that was very bizarre. Howard answered the questions and then he started doing the same voice for his questions. It was very odd.
Howard asked David what he thinks about Matthew Perry's problems. David didn't really comment on them though. He just said that he's working on getting better and ''good for him''.
David told Howard that he really misses Jackie since he left the show. Howard said that ''we all do'' but it was Jackie's idea to leave, not his.
Howard said the name of next week's ''Son of the Beach'' is called ''Queefer Madness'' and David plays Johnny Queefer.
Shortly after the conversation began an officer kept telling Abe to get off the phone. Not long into it they made him get off because they were doing a lock down of the prison.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that the prison the guy is in is horrible. Dominic said he followed Abe's case and it was obvious that the cops taped him in moments of emotional lows and he couldn't have killed anyone, not even a fly. Abe asked Howard if he could call in next week and Howard said it was okay... The only problem is they're on vacation next week.
Howard had a couple waiting around since 6am who wanted to get on the show. This guy Mike called in recently and told Howard that he met and married a hot chick on the web. Howard had them come in so he could see if she's actually good looking. He doesn't believe that there are any hot chicks on the web.
Mike and his lovely Jamaican wife Judy came in and told Howard their story quickly. He then believed that you can find a hot chick on the web.
After talking to Mike and Judy for a couple of minutes Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play the Gossip Game. Here's how it goes: Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:
Howard ended the segment and kept Beetlejuice around for the news. We finally found out that Beet's two movies will be out this summer. ''Bubble Boy'' will be out in August and ''Scary Movie 2'' will be out in July.
