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Howard started off the show saying he was going to take some phone calls. He said he had a lot to get to today as always. He was about to take the calls but he said he was reading about Robin in the paper over the weekend. She was out with her friends over the weekend and it made the news. He read the story about her and her pals picking a charity to donate to. She and her friends have a name for themselves. They call themselves ''Girls Night Out.''
Howard said that he goes out with people but they didn't name their group. Jason is in that group of girls according to the note on his screen. Robin said that he is the one male member of the group.
Howard said that this is the greatest thing he's ever heard, giving themselves a name like Girls Night Out. Robin said there are 5 girls in the group and they considered a bunch of names. Howard said that Leonardo Dicaprio is the only other guy who named his group. They were called the Pussy Posse.
Howard said that most groups don't name themselves, they're named by other people. Robin said that they were planning on raising money for these charities and someone advised them that they needed a name. Robin said that the other 5 girls in the group are her friends Sheila, Susan, Anne Marie and Lisa. Not Lisa G. Howard said he was trying to let this all sink in so he went through all of the girls one by one.
Howard asked if they're going to expand this group. Robin said that they may because they already have another woman who wants to join. That's Dominic Barbara's wife Leslie. She wants to be part of that group. Howard said she really needs a group like that being married to Dominic. He said that Dominic was in his group for a while and he can just imagine that she needs a group of her own.
Artie seemed to find it very funny that Jason was in that group. Jason came in a short time later and said that he didn't know that it was called the Girls Night Out when he joined the group. He said the great thing about the group is that they'd spend a whole night trying to come up with the name. Artie told Jason that he's not sure that he wants to go to his bachelor party knowing that he's in this group. Jason said that the girls really went nuts when they heard the Girls Night Out name so they knew that was a winner.
Gary came in and said that Robin has told them to get groups of 30 people together on a list. Howard said that he responded to that but Robin claims she never got it. He said that he doesn't know 30 people other than the people that she knows. Gary said that the girls get together he hears from Jason what's going on and he said that he doesn't know anybody either. Jason gave Jason some names and addresses and it turned into a job for him.
Howard said that he found out that he was going to be out of town for this event that she's throwing. He said that she's becoming one of those friends that's going to start hitting him up for stuff. He said that they're probably going to end up selling cookies to him or something. Artie said that he has dead beats that just ask him for money, they don't even do a charity event.
Gary said that he contacted some people like Jimmy Kimmel to help out with the charity to give stuff away. Jason doesn't know all that many people so that's what he had to do for him.
Robin said that she wants them to just think about the people they're going to be saving with the donations to the charity. Howard said that he doesn't think about those people that she mentioned at all.
Howard read more of the article about the charity that she's going to be donating to. They're going to be hosting an evening at the Rainbow Room with a concert pianist, Simone Dinnerstein, as a special guest. They're going to have Simone Dinnerstein's father's art there too.
Howard asked Jason for the list of the names that Robin rejected that night they picked the name for the group. Robin said that they were ''Tre Sheik'' for a little while.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that he'd like to donate a motorcycle to the charity. He said that this is the second one that he's done for the show and he's used to it now. He asked about the charity that it's for and Robin said that it's for something called Healing Bridges. Robin thanked him for the donation and she'd get back to him about that. Then she said that Gary would get back to him about it.
Howard told Robin that she should agree to show her titties to one of their listeners and someone would probably give so much that she'd never have to raise money for Africa again. Howard said that he might even be the high bidder with that. He said that she has to agree to do it for like a minute.
Howard asked Fred, as Jim Florentine, if he was okay with that. He said he'd be fine with it. He said that he's also part of Girls Night Out and tucks his penis between his legs when he goes out with them.
When Howard was reading the name Simone earlier Robin told him that it was pronounced Simona so they were goofing around with that a little bit. That led to Howard and the guys talking about some other people who give people a hard time about the pronunciation of their names.
Robin said that Girls Night Out should start a band and branch out. He said that they could be like the Spice Girls or the Pussy Cat Girls and do so many different things.
Howard said that Robin could never be married with such a full plate all the time. She has so many things going on in her life that she could never settle down.
Howard said that he's going to be out of town when this event is going on and he told her that in the note he sent to her. He said he had no idea that she didn't get his note. He said he knows he sent it through. He told her that he admires her verve for life though.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that this was the gayest thing he's ever heard in his life. He said that it sounds a little elitist to him. He said that they should put up Jason's penis for the charity since it sounds like he'll never need that again.
Howard wondered if Leslie Barbara is going to get invited out to the night's out with the girls. Robin said that she would be invited out to the weekends with the other girls. Robin said that they get a masseuse to come and they just hang out and have fun. Artie said his sister has been to those things and Robin is very generous with that stuff. Robin said that they all chip into that kind of thing.
Howard asked Robin if they have a slogan yet. She said that she's working on something and thinking that it might be ''Women here helping women there.'' She said that the ''there'' is wherever they're helping people of course.
Robin said that they'll eventually have people apply to be the charity that they donate too. They'll do this yearly. Howard said that the girls have a leader in Robin obviously. He said that this was all news to him and he had no idea that they had named the group. He wondered what one of Jason's names was all about when he said that he had mentioned ''The Caped Crusaders'' earlier. Artie was laughing his ass off thinking about Jason being in that group.
They gave Billy the number 60 since he just turned 60. Howard said that he sees the argument that it belittles the game. He said that it's not fun, it's not funny for that pitcher on the Pittsburgh Pirates who had to pitch to the guy.
Howard said that Billy had a good swing and he thinks that he came close to hitting a single when he did make some contact. He said that he fouled the ball off but that was it. Howard said that the guy had 3 balls and 2 strikes and he shouldn't have swung at the last one because he probably would have walked. Robin said that he should have been struck out and just taken out of the game. She thought it was ridiculous that he was playing at all. Artie said that he thinks he can get a piece of the ball just like Billy did.
Another caller asked Robin when she's going to go out and start fighting crime. Robin said that's what she has next on her list of things to do.
Jason said that he knew that they were going to be doing that the night they went out so he came prepared. Howard told him to bring in the list so he can hear some of the other names.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a name for the group. He said ''Chicks with no dicks.'' They already have their name picked out though.
Howard said that the guys on the Wrap Up Show were talking about whether or not he's gay. They ended up talking about how upset some of the guys would be if they ever found out he was gay. Artie and his friends used to talk about that when they were younger. They had Howard on the list of guys they'd be really upset about if they came out as being gay.
Howard said that a guy who comes out with Butt Bongo Fiesta isn't gay. He said he just wanted to get his hands on some women's asses for that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Robin needs to come up with some theme music and suggested Hannah Montana's song ''Girls Night Out.'' He wanted his daughter to be part of the group. He also said that his wife should be part of it if he can come up with some stuff to donate. The caller also called the group ''GNO'' so they started to call Robin's group GNO. Howard said that Robin's eyes lit up when she heard that GNO thing.
Howard and Artie were goofing around with the GNO name a little bit. Fred dug up the Hannah Montana song on the web and played it for them. It was just coming out in one channel so Howard had to have Fred pull a better copy.
Howard said he wasn't able to find the article but he knows he read something about it. He said that he knows that there are some shenanigans going on with this merger. He knows that it's all about guys getting paid off somewhere.
Jason came in and said that Kevin Martin is being investigated for being in Verizon's back pocket. Howard said that would really suck if that turns out to be true. He found the article about him and read through it. He said that they're investigating him for this Verizon deal and he said that this shouldn't be all about money. He said he'd like these people to just do their job.
The guys talked about some of the other mergers that have been approved since this satellite merger was announced. The government lets those go through in 100 days while this has been dragging on for 400 days. Howard said that this merger has no comparison to the satellite TV merger because they're really not the same type of thing.
Artie said that this proves that Howard is an A-list celebrity because they wouldn't be holding it up like this if he wasn't involved.
Howard played the Hannah Montana song that they tried to play earlier. This time it was coming out of both channels. Artie said that it sucked.
Howard played the song and pretended to be Robin picking up the phone at the organization while they had that playing on hold. He told Robin that it's nice to know that she has a good heart in there. He pretended to be Bill Clinton calling in to bid on getting to see Robin's tits.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who brought up the Mark the Bagger show that's on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard got in a plug for that and said that they're going to be celebrating St. Patrick's day tonight Howard said his dog's birthday is today. He said that Bulldogs don't live all that long and she's pretty old. He said that they average 8 years but some will live to 13.
Howard said that bulldogs have become very popular pets and people really don't know how much work it is to have one. He said that you should think twice before having an English bulldog. The caller asked if they brush Bianca's teeth. Howard said that Beth does that every day. He said that she was going to do that on The Today Show one week but they ran out of time. He said that it's really the cutest thing to see her doing it. Artie said that it sounds like the dog is cleaner than Richard Christy is. Howard said she absolutely is.
The caller that Howard had on the line was talking about how horrible it is being a landscaper. He mentioned plowing snow and stuff so that led to Artie and Howard talking about how little snow they got this season. Howard said that he hopes that they don't get anymore and that they have been lucky so far.
Howard took another call from a guy who called Robin ''Oprah Quivers'' since she seems to be kind of like Oprah with the charity stuff.
Howard said that he had to defend Billy Crystal playing that Yankee game because he actually found it kind of interesting to watch him. He said that he ended up watching more of that game than he'd usually watch and it gave him a new appreciation for the game. He said that those guys who play are really at a level that's amazing. Robin said that she still thinks it was stupid that they let Billy play. Artie said that the different levels of the game make it impressive to watch the pros play.
Howard said that he appreciates this guy doing that for him because he's been actively talking to people trying to support her. He said that she may have no clue about that and he likes that someone is telling her about it. He said that he reaches out to a lot of people, especially men, who he may be able to influence. He said he'd like to be recognized for doing his part there.
Howard said that he wanted to talk about this latest controversy about Barack Obama. The caller had some comments about that too but Howard told him to wait for him to do his thing. He ended up hanging up on the guy after he hit a button on his phone.
Howard went on to talk about this Barack Obama controversy where they have tapes of this preacher that Barack has been going to for over 20 years. The pastor there is this guy who was recorded saying some stuff that upset some people. He said that he was giving the benefit of the doubt when he watched the tapes but then he realized that the guy is just insane. He was saying ''God damn America'' and stuff like that after 9/11. He said he sounds like a raving lunatic to him.
Howard said that Barack was asked about this a long time ago and he claims he wasn't there when he made those statements and that he would have voiced his displeasure if he had. Howard said that if you're part of a church like that, you know what's going on there. He said that he should have known that the guy was a raving lunatic.
Howard said that this church is hateful and horrible and he's sending his family there. He said that maybe he's not making the greatest decisions with that. He said that he has to agree with that guy on some level if he's going to the church.
Howard said that once the tapes came out with this pastor yelling and screaming, then Barack came out and said that maybe they're kind of bad. He still hasn't condemned this guy. Howard said that's enough for him and he's not going with Obama.
Howard played some of the tape of this Pastor Jeremiah Wright going off on the Rich white people in this country and how they're running it. He said a bunch of stuff about the government lying about the AIDS virus and how they're keeping the cure from them as a way of committing genocide in the black community. There were a bunch of clips of him saying some outrageous things like that.
Howard said that Barack is now bullshitting everyone by saying he didn't know what this guy was up to. Robin said that this is the game that politicians play with people. He said that if you stand next to someone stupid like that, they'll eventually splash a little something on you. He said that Barack had to have raised an eyebrow at something that this guy said during his sermons. She said she doesn't know what all of that stuff had to do with a Sunday service anyway.
Howard said that this kind of thing should end a political career. He said that he can't be given a pass on something like that. Howard said that some people are saying that Hillary shouldn't use this stuff against Obama but he thinks that she should. Artie said that this stuff is insane and he can't imagine what the guy is thinking going to someone like that.
The guys talked about how Barack is best friends with that Pastor and he's even named him to some committees and things like that. Right now the guy is out of the country so they can't get any comments from him about what's been going on lately. Howard said that Hillary doesn't even need to use this stuff in her ads because the tapes are out there and the media outlets are playing them.
Artie said that he and his bookie aren't speaking right now. He said that he and Dana are closer than him and this old friend of his. He said that his wife was all upset with him about some stuff he said on the air about what was going on there. He said that it was a stupid conversation and he just hung up on his wife. He said that they had been friends for a really long time too.
Artie said that he has had a couple of experiences like this and he just can't do anything about it. He said that it's illegal to use a bookie like that and he can't go to the cops to complain about not getting paid and it sucks. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Mark the Bagger and Jimmy Pop both came in. Howard said that Mark was upset with the show and that's what kept him off for so long. Howard said that he missed Mark and he apparently got upset about the gay stuff they were talking to him about. He had some audio of Mark leaving a message for Jimmy on his answering machine. In the message he was going off on Howard and saying that he wasn't sure if he was going to make it through the end of the year and he was done with Howard Stern after that appearance he made. He said he had lost his mother in the message.
Jimmy told Howard that he wasn't sure what he meant when he said that he'd lost his mother. Mark said that his mother wasn't happy with what he was saying about the gay stuff. The mayor of his town was upset with that stuff too. Howard told Mark that if he had known that stuff, he would have gone to them and explained what had happened on the show.
Mark said that he had just made one mistake, of blowing a guy in a truck one time, and no one should hold that against him.
Jimmy said that Mark is part of the fire company but they don't let him have anything to do with the fires. He said that someone told him that without Howard he wouldn't be doing anything but pushing carts. He wants to go on and do other things. He had a statement to read too so Howard had him do that.
Mark read his statement where he thanked Howard for letting him come back and said he wanted to talk about his movie and DVD. Mark had some gifts for them too but Jimmy told them not to touch anything that Mark has touched.
Jimmy said that the last time they were there they were there with Mary Carey. He wondered if Howard is going to have her back on the show if she's sober. Howard said they probably won't. Jimmy said that Mark was trying to hit on Mary when she was there. Mark said he didn't get anything off of her though.
Howard asked Mark if he's still bagging groceries. He said ''yes'' over and over to the questions he was being asked. He said he's getting laid and has a girlfriend. He said that his friends hooked him up with this girl and he took her out to dinner and a bar. He said that they got drunk and went back to his place and one thing led to another. He said that she was from Acme and he ended up sticking a wooden spoon up her. Howard asked why he would do that. Mark didn't know.
Mark said that the spoon went up her ass and he's not sure what happened because he was so drunk that night. He said that they work together and they had to break up because of that. Mark said that she didn't ask for a spoon up her ass, he just did it.
Jimmy asked what Mark did with the spoon after he did that. He said he threw it away and his mother didn't even notice. He said that his mom was at work when he did that. Howard asked about the spoon and if he did that while he was banging her from behind. He said ''yes'' to that. Howard said that you'd think that if you don't get laid that often you wouldn't think about sticking a spoon in someone's ass.
Mark said that about a month ago he went to a strip joint and met a hot black chick. He said he didn't have sex with her and didn't even get a lap dance because he didn't have money.
Jimmy said that Mark goes to concerts of these cover bands in the area that he lives but he doesn't face the bands. It turns out that he likes to sniff the girls that are there. He likes to sniff them and remember the smells for later when he wants to jerk off.
Howard asked Mark if he has been with any men since the last time he was on. He said he hadn't. Jimmy said that he did jerk off in front of everyone at a New Year's Eve party though. He was at his agent's party when he did that. Howard found out that Mark pays his agent 50 percent of what he makes. Jimmy said that he found out that Mark's mother was taking some of his money too and spending it on herself. He said that they had to straighten that out so that Mark would be able to keep some of the money for himself.
Jimmy was telling the guys about Mark's ID which is actually a non-driver's license. He has to have an ID but it's a non-driver's license.
Howard had some questions for Mark and asked him things like...
Howard gave Mark a plug for his show that's on tonight. He said he heard that Mark wanted to get on Regis and Kelly after he was on his show but he never got the calls. Mark said he did want to do that but he never got the call from them.
Howard asked Mark about having sex with this woman with the wooden spoon. He said that Mark has a big penis so he wondered if the girl had a problem accommodating it. Mark said she didn't have a problem. He said that he did it both ways that night, with and without a condom. He did it with the condom and then did it without it. Mark didn't know why he did that.
Jimmy asked how big the girl was. He said that she might have been 300 pounds but she wasn't fat. Howard said that he's trying to understand the spoon thing. He asked why he took off his rubber and how long the session lasted. Mark said that he can hold out for maybe 10 seconds. He said that it was probably 5 seconds with the condom on and 5 with it off.
Howard asked how big the load was. Mark said he dropped his load on her chest. Howard told him that was very romantic. He asked more about what position he was in and how the spoon came into play. Mark said he just told her that he was going to go get the spoon and she just stayed there. Mark said that was the last time he got laid too. He hasn't had anything since last summer.
Jimmy said that Mark got this spam e-mail where they offer Russian brides and he was about to pay for one. Mark said that wasn't true. He said that he does have some friends in other countries. He said that he has a Myspace account that he talks to people through. That's at Myspace.com/markthebagger
Howard said that maybe Mark would be better off getting a Russian bride. Mark said he's not interested in that. Howard told him that he'd be able to have sex with them if he did that. He'd just be giving them citizenship.
Mark got in a plug for his movie ''Ming Hags'' that he did with Bam Margera. mark said that Bam went to his agent and asked him to be part of this movie and he plays a high school drop out. He said he has some lines in the movie so Howard asked him to do some of the lines. He did some of that for them and Howard saw that he's also in negotiations to do some voice overs for some Warner Brothers cartoons. Jimmy said that it's true and it's probably the third sign of the apocalypse. He said that's another Bam Margera deal.
Howard said that it seems like things are going well for him. Artie asked him if his agent would represent him too. Mark said that his agent is all his and he doesn't represent anyone else.
Mark also has a DVD out and you can find out more about that at BaggerTheMovie.com or Myspace.com/baggerthemovie.
Howard asked about the New Year's Eve party where Mark took off his pants. Jimmy said that they were doing some stuff there that Artie has partaken in sometime in the past. Jimmy said that he took it out and stroked it a few times and then put it away.
Howard said that he saw Jimmy doing something kind of gay in a picture. He was taking a load in his hand. Jimmy said that things haven't been so good in the music industry lately and they're doing some other stuff in their concerts. He said that people are being fired from record companies left and right. Jimmy said that he doesn't want to do promos on TRL anymore so they were asked to do something where they'd do a live soundtrack for a porno. He said that it seemed like an interesting idea so they did that and he took the load on his hand, combed his hair with it and then went to TRL over in Belgium and shook the Back Street Boys' hands with a load on his hand and in his hair.
Howard had someone on the phone claiming to be the real Mark the Bagger. He picked up and it was the guys in the back playing clips of Mark on the show in the past. Mark knew that it was his voice being played. He said that he didn't know who it really was when Howard asked him if he did.
Howard heard that Mark was trying to date some women at a restaurant but he thinks that she's a lesbian because she doesn't want him. Mark said that they're just friends.
Howard gave Mark another plug for his radio show that's on tonight. Robin asked what he has planned. Mark said he has no idea. Jimmy said that's just like the Miserable Men show. Mark said that he had some things to talk about and he went on to talk about what he thought about the Billy Crystal thing and how they could have let him play in the outfield instead of making him the designated hitter the way they did. Artie said that he actually agrees with his first point.
Jimmy said that he's going to be talking to Mark about a bunch of stuff tonight and he's going to try and keep the show moving. Howard asked Mark if he's going to jerk off if things start moving slowly. Mark said a quick ''No'' to that. Jimmy asked Mark if he would jerk off with his spit on his cock. Mark said no to that as well and said that he's into women.
Mark talked about some stuff that he got in trouble for at work one day. He was trying to show off to one of the girls by saying he was in the produce department even though he was still a bagger. He got in trouble with his boss over that.
The guys asked Mark about how many hours he works a week. He said he gets in about 30 a week. He's not the head bagger. He has a friend that works there and has been there longer than him. He said that he makes about $8.45 an hour.
Mark talked about some of the sports that he follows and mentioned some of the names of the teams that he's a fan of. He said that he'll be talking about that stuff on his show tonight. He said that he won't be talking about the gay stuff he's done in the past though. He said that he's not even sure if he wants to talk about the chick whose ass he shoved the spoon in.
Mark asked Howard about this guy that he's endorsing for President. Howard said that it's Hillary but Mark thought it was Ron Paul. Howard said that he liked some of what Ron Paul had to say but he's not endorsing him. He said that he's behind Hillary.
Howard said that it sounds like they're going to have a great show tonight. He gave them some more plugs for that and for the web sites that he had mentioned earlier. Jimmy also has a show of his own on channel 33 tonight. He said that he's going to go see one of Artie's shows soon. He did that because he didn't want to do any plugs of his own today.
Howard asked Mark about his moustache and why he keeps it. Mark said that he just likes it. Howard said that it seems to be groomed very nicely. He asked if his keeps his pubes groomed nicely too. Mark said that he doesn't.
Mark talked about this woman that he really likes and how he's talked to her about getting married and stuff. He said that she has an 11 year old that he adores. Artie told him to stay away from that kid. Howard wrapped up with Mark a short time later and went to break.
Howard came back after that and brought up the Elliot Spitzer thing. He said that SIRIUS actually has a channel based on that whole controversy. He said that they have Jason Itzler, who was in last week, coming back in this morning to talk about this chick, Ashley Alexandra Dupré, that was the whore that Spitzer was going to.
Jason said that he actually got Ashley started in the business. He said that he did that about 3 years ago when she was around 19. Jason said that the funny thing is that she was working for him when he got busted for his prostitution ring by Elliot Spitzer. He said that if he had given up some of the women that worked for him, she could have been busted by him too.
Jason was saying that he doesn't call these girls whores, he calls them escorts. Howard said they heard his story last week about this Natalia woman that he was dating back when he was busted. He said that he met her through a famous photographer, Peter Beard, and he figured that Howard must know who he is. Howard wasn't sure who he was though.
Jason said that he got to know this Natalia back then. He said that she was still working back so Howard wanted to know if he wanted her to stop. He said that she was making so much that he wouldn't be able to stop her. Howard asked Jason how he met this Ashley chick. He said that he was at a hotel and this gorgeous girl working there came up to him and asked him if she could get him a drink. He said that Ashley was that gorgeous girl but he didn't think that she was a 10 at that point.
Howard said that this girl is good looking but he doesn't think that she's a 10 either. Jason said that she needs a nose job and she's a little too short. He said that she becomes like a 14 at one point in this story. He said that he was going to hold back on that unless Howard wanted to hear it. Howard told him to just spill it.
Jason said that he introduced this Natalia chick and they ended up doing the escort thing together a couple of times. Natalia came back and told him that she had seen Ashley's vagina and it was the most beautiful vagina on the planet. He said that he didn't get to see it for about a week or two but then he asked to see it. He never did. He said he's not sure about what it is that makes it so perfect though.
Artie said that he'd assume that it means there are no beef curtains and it's in proportion and just the right amount of hair and that it's just a little slit that you'd want to slide into. Artie asked if there were any pictures of it out there. No one knew of any.
Howard asked Jason how he got Ashley to become an escort. He said that she was his type but he didn't plan on getting her into the business. He said that Natalia was making a ton of money doing it and she talked Ashley into doing it as well. He said that Natalia was making somewhere around 2 million a year.
Jason said that Ashley was better looking than Natalia but Natalia was the top earner for his business. He said that Natalia was very good at what she did but Ashley eventually came in and did very good. He said that the girls loved their jobs and it showed.
Jason told the guys that some of the girls would have appointments that were close together and they would just use baby wipes to clean up. they wouldn't shower before going to the next guy. Artie was grossed out by that.
Jason talked about another girl he had working for him and what they did to make the big money. He said that if a guy asked for anal, they'd charge double. He said that he did that in the beginning of the business but he relaxed that later on. He said that he felt he was crossing the line with that kind of stuff. He said that he really didn't think it was right to change the price in the middle of a transaction.
Howard asked Jason more about this Ashley chick and how she figured out what he did for a living. He gave her his card and hoped that she'd date him but she anted to work for him. Jason said he doesn't believe that she did this before she met him either. He said that she had just gotten her implants about 3 weeks before he met her so she was all worked up and ready to go out and do her thing.
Jason was also saying that Ashley didn't talk much about her family. He said that she was working as a cocktail waitress at a club and he thought that he'd tell the owner that she worked for him, thinking that it would be good for his business. She got very mad at him for doing that though.
Howard asked if it was true that this Ashley had been with Charlie Sheen. Jason said that she ''probably'' was but he didn't seem to want to say what he actually knew. He said that he heard stories about her possibly being with him but he didn't know for sure.
Howard talked to Jason more about what this Ashley did. Jason told Howard that she was very good at her job and she could have just about any guy she wanted to.
Howard asked Jason about a site where they let john's give reviews of the girls they dated. Jason said that the girls were very competitive and the one girl who always got 10 ratings was this Natalia. He said that's how they knew that she was so good. He said that he found some reviews of Ashley, who was known as Victoria back then, and he wanted to give them some of that information. He let Howard read through some of that stuff.
Howard read the reviews of ''Victoria'' where the guys describe what the girls do to them. One guy gave all of the details talking about the stuff they did and how she was a 10 and a once in a lifetime chick. Another guy gave the details about his blow job, his doggy style bang and how wet she was. In another one the guy described the same types of things and how she had licked and sucked his balls. Howard said he likes that and maybe he should go to this chick.
Howard said that there were a lot of abbreviations in the descriptions like:
Howard said that more and more was coming out about this stuff and he wondered what's going to happen to this Victoria or Ashley or whatever her name is. She's already making money from her music so that's one thing she could go on to do.
Howard gave Jason some plugs for his new business, a matchmaking business, at DNADiamonds.com. Howard explained what he does there and how he sets people up on dates, but not for sex. Jason said that the women there are 8, 9 and 10s in his opinion.
Jason had a chick with him this morning and he said that she's a cocktail waitress. Howard told the guys to bring her in after that. Jason said that he was going to offer Artie the chance to find him a wife. He said that he'd give him a free trial at his web site and do a nationwide search for him, which usually runs $100,000, for free.
Jennifer came in and Artie said that he wouldn't mind dating her. Howard asked Jennifer what she thought about this rich guy set up thing. She said that she respects what Jason does and some girls want to do that and it's fine. She said that she's not doing that though. She said she would if she wanted to find a great guy like that.
Howard told Jennifer that he's pretty sure she could make some good money doing that kind of thing. She said that she's met some guys doing what she does for Marquee there in the city and Tao out in Vegas.
Artie asked Jennifer if she ever FFG. She didn't know what that was so Artie told her it was ''Fuck Fat Guys.'' She just laughed.
Bong Hit Eric called in and asked them to put a picture of this chick up on Howard's web site. Artie told him to calm down with that, they weren't done with her yet.
Bong Hit went on to tell Jason that he was an inspiration to him. He asked if he'll ever have a movie made about him. Jason said that he has had some talks about that but nothing has come of it yet.
Another caller asked what the tattoos on Ashley's hands were about. Jason had no idea. Ralph called in and said that he loves all of this stuff because it's finally not a guy sleeping with an 11 year old boy or something.
Jason told Artie about what he's going to do for him and how he's probably going to take about 4-6 months to find him a wife. He said that he's going to have a couple of women a week that he'll send to him and he should be able to find someone within that time. Howard said that if it were him, he'd probably drag that out for a couple of years. Artie said that he's pretty sure that he won't find the right girl until the last one he sends to him. He sounded like he was going to drag it out a while.
Ralph asked why a guy like Elliot Spitzer would go to someone like that when he's not making all that much money. Howard said that there are a lot of guys out there who can't hook up with a hot chick because they don't have a rap or anything. That's the kind of guy who has to go to a service like that. Jason said that they can charge anywhere from $10,000 to $100,000 to do a search like that.
Jason said that they take care of everything and they'll even take care of a preliminary pre-nuptial agreement for these guys. Artie said that he's not sure he'd want to get married anyway. He said he was just at a wedding over the weekend and it was kind of depressing. He's not sure he can commit to something like that. He said he will take Jason up on his offer though.
Artie asked if he's a loser for doing this. Howard told him that he's really not. He said that the reason he's not a loser is because he's a great guy, a busy guy and he doesn't have time to meet chicks. He said that he knows that he's kind of shy and afraid to talk himself up. He doesn't make things happen that way and he admires that in a way. He said that Artie isn't going to impose himself on people and he kind of likes that. That doesn't help him out in his life finding a woman though. Now Jason has come into his life and he can help find him that woman that he's looking for.
Howard said that if he were single right now, and Jason came to him with a woman like Jennifer, he'd probably go for something like that.
Howard said hello to the new Miss Howard TV and said that she was wearing a thong. He had her spin around but Artie was getting all upset because he was getting depressed. He said that she was the hottest chick he had ever seen but Ralph said that he says that every time they have a hot chick in there. Howard said that her name is Brianna Frost. She said that she's half black. Artie picked that out and asked her about it. Howard said that she looks like a tan white chick to him.
Howard asked Brianna how they found her. She said that she just wrote in and told them that she wanted to be on the show. She's only 5'3'' tall though. Artie told her that she's gross being that small. He was just kidding though. He said that this is the type of chick that should have been with the governor.
Brianna said that she does some adult web cam web sites and she dos that live from her house. She masturbates on cam for guys. She said that the masturbation stuff is pre-recorded but she does some other naked stuff live.
Artie was going crazy for this girl. Howard asked her to ride the Sybian but she said she didn't think she could do that. Gary said that she said in the notes that she would do it. She aid that she has a boyfriend right now. He's only 19 and she's 20. Howard said that she's like a Ferrari and he can't imagine that he knows how to drive her.
Gary said that she's never had an orgasm with a penis from what he read in the notes. She aid that she thinks that she's never had a penis big enough. She said that she can get one when a guy eats her out though. She said that she had one guy who had about 8 and a half inches and even that didn't get her off. Howard said he doesn't think it's size then. He said that she must not look up to the guy enough or something and it's all in her head.
Brianna said that she blew her first guy when she was in 8th grade. Howard said that he read that she was really into him too. She said that she does have a crush on him. Howard told her to get on the Sybian but she really didn't sound like she was into it. Gary said that he's not even sure if she knows what it is.
They were about to get her on the Sybian but Mike Gange told her she had to take her top off for it to work. She said no way to that so they told her to just keep it on and give it a try. She eventually got on the machine but Gange interrupted again and told Gary to put on his mask. Artie said that Gange and Will should even put their masks on for this one.
Brianna got on the machine and Gary turned it on low speed. She was going crazy before they even turned it on. She was very sensitive to it and was screaming as soon as Gary turned it on. She said that she was going to cum so the guys told her that's what they wanted to hear. She stayed on it and let Gary keep the machine going. She said ''Holy shiiiiit'' as it was going and then started to moan and said she was done about a minute in. She said that she didn't orgasm, she was just done with it. She said that she can't just cum on demand, it takes a while. Artie asked if he could eat her out, that would make her cum.
Howard asked for a flash from Brianna so she gave them a quick one. Artie asked if they were real. She said they were but Howard said they weren't. Gary said that they don't move like real tits. She said that they are real though. She swore to god that they were real and Artie said that they were perfect. He ran over to touch them to find out. He felt her up and said he thinks that they are real. Gary said that they looked fake to him. She said she wanted to get implants but the guys told her not to.
Ronnie came in and put a flashlight under her boobs to find an implant. Ronnie ruled that they were real. Jason said that they were amazing breasts.
Howard asked Brianna if she was going to finish her ride or not. She said she was scared so she was done. Ralph asked Jason if they charge the girls in this search that they do. Jason said of course they don't. Howard thanked Brianna for coming in and said that the subscribers are in for a treat when they see her.
Jason said that they're working on a reality TV show and he's having some fun with that. He said that Artie can be on the show if he wants to but he doesn't have to. Artie said he'd rather jump off a bridge. Jason also said that he's looking for some partners and if you're interested you can e-mail him at Jason.Itzler@yahoo.com.
Howard took a call from Beetlejuice who said that he wants Jason to get him laid. He didn't have much of anything else to add to the discussion though. Howard wrapped up after Brianna got in a plug for her web site BriannaFrost.com.
Fred said that he still thinks that they're fake. She said that they can't possibly be real and if they sit straight up when she lays on her back, they can't be real. Howard said that they checked her and Ronnie said that they're real. Benjy said that he could do it and prove that they were fake if she laid on the floor and he laid on top of her. Howard turned off his microphone and told him he was taking this somewhere he didn't want to go.
Artie said that he felt those boobs and Ronnie did the test and they were real. Fred said that the spacing of the nipples was off though. He said that there's almost an entire inch difference and they can't be real. Artie said that her ass was great too.
Howard said that Jason said that he'll have a girl for Artie in about a week from now. Artie didn't seem that excited about it though.
Howard read through some e-mail he got about Eric the Midget coming back to the show. A lot of the fans aren't too happy he's back and they don't want him calling in. Howard said there weren't too many people who were happy to have him back.
Howard had some e-mail about Spitzer's hooker and how she's really not all that hot. There was a lot of feedback about Artie wanting to go up against a major league pitcher. Artie said that he just said that he'll get a hit off of a pitcher. Some of the fans think he's out of his mind thinking that he can get a hit.
Artie said that everyone thought that he wouldn't be able to get a hit off that softball chick that he did get a hit off of. He said that they didn't believe in him back then and they don't believe in him now.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said that they're working on a story about this guy Patrick who is trying to help Big Foot out by giving him a home. He was going to bring him home to New Jersey but things hit a snag over the weekend. Patrick says he's going to bring him back this week though. Howard said he must have a lot of love for life to help someone out like that.
Howard said that he had a clip from last year when Sal was out asking some people about St. Patrick's day. He asked some white people about that and had one woman going off using the N-word about other ethnic parades.
Artie said that Sal called the gay parade an ethnic parade in that clip. Howard said that Gary was going through some old tape and found Sal trying to defend him on some interview show years ago. Sal and Chaunce Hayden were trying to defend him but Sal was saying some really dopey stuff. Howard played the audio from that interview and Sal was saying that what Howard does is nothing like what Janet Jackson did at the Super Bowl. He also said that when Howard is wrong, he compensates the FCC.
In one clip Sal points out some of the other things that Howard has done on the show like using the N-word and doing other edgy material. He asked the guy who was on with him why he wasn't going after him back then. Howard said that he's not defending him at all there. Artie was laughing at the stuff that Sal was saying. He kept saying stuff that didn't make any sense and wasn't helping Howard's defense at all in the argument.
The guys stopped the tape and said that what Sal was saying made no sense at all. Gary said that there was a moment when they ask Sal if it was okay for his kids to walk into a store and buy a pornographic magazine. He wanted Howard to guess what his answer was going to be. They didn't guess but Sal said that if his son does do that, he should buy him a pornographic magazine too. Artie said that if he heard that argument, and he wasn't a fan, he'd be so against the show.
Steve got back to his news preview. He said that they have a story about JD and Jared's fight. They had some t-shirts that they had made up for them and JD's shirts went faster than Jared's did. That led to Howard talking about how JD was in contact with one of these chicks on the web and she had invited him down to a club to see her. JD said that she's a stripper and he went down to the China club to meet her. He went down to meet her but they wouldn't even let him into the club. He was on the list but they didn't even let him in. Howard figured they were on a nerd alert that night. He said they'll have to boycott that club from now on.
Gary said that he heard that they were asking him how he knew the woman or the guy that he was going there for. JD said that he told them about that and that he was on the list but they just wouldn't let him in.
Howard asked JD to pretend that he was the door man and talk to him as if he were trying to get in. JD mumbled something and then tried to get into the club through Howard. JD said that the guy didn't even say any words to him, he just gave him a look.
Steve said that they have a story about a radio show host at Montclair State University whose show was canceled after he had a woman naked and lap dancing for him in the studio. He also mentioned that they have the Mark the Bagger show on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard got in a plug for the Win Jon Hein's Money contest they have coming up soon. He said that they're still looking for people to play that game. Jon was in so he ran down his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned the stuff that they were going to be covering today which included most of what happened on the show today.
Howard said that he wishes the guy the best but there was a really disturbing piece about the guy in the news over the weekend. He said that the guy has been legally blind since he was a young kid. He said that's a tough thing to overcome but he's been very forceful in his life. He said that he's got a piece of ass wife and she's very nice. He then read the story about the guy and how, when he was a state governor, he did some shady things. He read through the stuff in the article Robin said that she read that and talked about some of the other things that he was behind. Not much of that was making them very confident in the guy but they're hoping for the best. Robin continued with that story and some other stuff about Governor Spitzer after Howard let Jeff go.
Howard said he had a story about Clear Channel having a meeting with the FCC chairman recently and they had some demands for the merger if it goes through. They want to take away most of the business. He said they're opposed to the whole merger but if it does go through, they'd like 50 percent of the bandwidth to be leased out to other companies. They also want some of the bandwidth to be used for local programming from terrestrial radio stations. The guys spent a few minutes on that subject before Robin moved on.
Robin brought up a story about Deena McGreevy who had some problems with her governor husband. Her's came out as a gay man. Now there's a guy coming out and saying that she knew that her husband was gay even though she denies that she did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this new governor is under investigation for firing some white people for no good reason. The caller said the guy claimed he didn't know they were white because he's blind so that's the excuse he's using. Howard said he hadn't read that one. He let the guy go and had Robin go through more of her news.
Another caller said that he can't imagine how the cops in New York are going to react to this new governor. Howard said that some of them may have a problem with him but he's hoping that he can rise to the office and do a good job while he's there. The caller said that a leopard never loses its spots though. That led to Artie doing an impression of the guy and making him sound really racist based on what he called the guy when he first called in. It was kind of a mix of Dice and the guy on the phone.
Robin got back to her news and read about the drummer from Abba passing away. Howard said he didn't even know there was a drummer in that band. That led to him and Artie singing some Abba songs. Howard played some of their songs and there was some drumming in there. He said he didn't know that there was any until he heard the song. Robin gave them the details of the story and how they found that he had accidentally sliced open his neck when he fell through some glass. He died in his garden trying to get some help.
Robin read a story about Britney Spears going out to dinner with Mel Gibson. She had another story about the doctors in the John Ritter case being cleared in his death. Howard said that he understands some malpractice cases but he thinks that John's number was just up and the doctors aren't superman and can't fix everything.
Ralph called in and asked Fred how he had the glass shattering sound so quick for Robin's news story about the Abba drummer dying. Fred said that he goes through the news and assumed that she was going to read something about it. Robin never really knows exactly what stories she's going to go through so he just kind of makes it up as she's going along. He played another crashing sound and wanted Ralph to guess what that was going to be for. Artie knew that it was for the crane collapse that happened in the city over the weekend. He was right. Robin actually had that story coming up next.
Robin read the story about the crane collapse and that led to the guys talking about the many things in the city that can come crashing down on you. Artie said there's another crane in the city, near 8th and 42nd that looks like it could come crashing down. He thought that's the one that had come down when he heard the story. They talked about some of the stories they heard about the rescue stories in that collapse. Artie said that it was another one of those cases where the firemen were right in there trying to save people and breathing in that dust and crap.
Robin read a story about the tornado that ripped through Atlanta over the weekend. She had another story about Barack Obama and the controversy over the preacher that he's friends with.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked if he really thinks that seeing another man in a room with a guy is gay. Howard had said that earlier when he was talking about Governor McGreevy. Howard said that of course it's gay if you want a man in there banging your wife. He said that he can't imagine doing that with another dude in the room. They finished up the news a short time later and ended the show around 11:55am.
Artie brought up one bit they did on the show when Billy West was doing his Marge Schott impression and making up all kinds of racist stuff about St. Patrick's day.
Artie said that Teddy was telling him about the parade that he's going to in Hoboken. when they asked him about that Teddy wasn't able to get his microphone to work so they gave up on the discussion.
Jon brought up the Jason Itzler interview they did earlier and asked Artie about the dating thing that Jason is setting him up with. Gary said that Jason is taking it very seriously and he really wants him to do it. Gary said that Jason has heard that Artie doesn't follow through on stuff but he really wants him to do it. Artie said he knows that it'll be good for the show so that's why he'll go through with it.
Artie said that he knows that the guy is doing this for free to show how great his service is but he's not going to get married. He said there's no way he's going to find him a wife in 6 months. He said that if one of them is that Brianna broad though, he'd get married today.
Artie said that he's had some really cut chicks since he and Dana broke up. Gary said that he should call some of the chicks that have given him their numbers.
Artie said that Jason is going to send him 2 chicks a week but he thinks that they're just going to sit around his apartment as he writes his book. Jon thinks that Howard just wants to do this for the show and it's not wanting him to find a chick for real. Gary said that it's a date and not a pity thing so he doesn't think that there's anything wrong with it.
Artie said that he doesn't want to give the guy his net worth and stuff like that. He doesn't need him hanging out with his pimp buddies talking about the kind of money he's making. He said he'd like to send teddy out to do the interview with that guy and maybe even do the dates. He said that he could come in at the end of the date and just jerk off on the chick's face and then leave.
Artie said that he was watching this movie ''Crumb'' that was really great. He said that it was from about 1995 and he saw it back then but he just watched it again. He said it's unbelievably fascinating to him. IT's about this guy Robert Crumb. He went through the story and talked about the movie with the guys and said that he as similar thoughts to the character in that movie because he wants to cut of a chick's head. He said that he even has a bit in his stand-up act about something like that. He cracked himself up talking about the joke in his act where he talks about how great it would be to have a female Mayor McCheese character as a girlfriend.
Gary and Artie talked about the movie Crumb some more and Artie said that he's not too far from becoming the brother, Charles Crumb, in that movie.
Jon went to the phones and took a call from a guy who said that he has to go through life with the name Adolf. He said that he meets nice women all the time and dated a 23 year old and he's now dating a 40 year old. He said that he thinks that Artie has a chip on his shoulder and there are a million women out there who will love him. Artie said that he doesn't think that only a whore will love him. He said that Dana was the farthest thing from a whore and she really loved him. He just had problems with heroin and stuff.
The caller told Artie that he has to get over the dog thing and not hate innocent animals like that. Artie said he doesn't hate dogs but he doesn't want one in his house. He said that if he found a dog hair in his food, he'd have to kick out the dog and the wife.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that what this guy Jason is offering him is a great thing and he should give it a try. He said he might be too busy to find a chick and this guy can help. He said he knows that Artie probably can't believe that a woman is going to be into him going through a service like that. The caller said it's kind of like that movie ''hitch'' with Will Smith in it. Artie goofed on that movie a little bit but thanked the caller for his comments.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't get his hesitation with this guy. He said that Artie is busy and working hard and he doesn't have time to find a chick that's going to have the same interests as him. He said that Jason is going to do the legwork in all of this and maybe he'll find someone for him. He wondered why he'd hesitate on any level. Artie said that this is the best pep talk he's had so far and maybe it doesn't mean he's a complete loser in all of this.
Ralph told Artie to just give it a try and not be so uptight with it. Artie said that it could be kind of cool to have some guy doing all of the legwork. He said that he could request a chick who has big tits and can write prescriptions. Ralph knew he was joking but he thinks that he should really give it a serious try and report on it on the show. Artie said he's going to try it and he'll see what happens.
Ralph also asked the guys if they're watching John Adams on HBO. He said that it's really good. Artie said that he saw some of that and it really was good. He watched a couple of episodes so far. He said that the guys who ran this country back then were really ballsy. He and Ralph spent a minute on that. Artie said that the NY Times hated it because of Paul Giamatti. Ralph said that he thought he was so good in it that he didn't even see Paul, he just saw John Adams.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if he's seeing a shrink right now. He said that he's not. the woman said that he seems to be not as funny and more serious now. She said that it always comes back around to him in a conversation too. Artie didn't get why that was his fault. She said that he just talks about himself and he should give other people a chance.
Artie told the woman that she was an annoying cunt and went off on her a little bit. He told her that she sounds obsessed with him and she should get off his ass and leave him alone. The two of them went back and forth a little bit and got nowhere. She said that the Wrap Up Show is much better when he's not there. She said that Howard's show is the same way. Artie told her that he wishes that she were his boss so she could tell him not to come back because he'd love that.
Artie didn't get how it was his fault if the story comes around to him. Gary told her that's what Artie is there for. She had hung up by that point, maybe because Artie had called her a cunt 5 times. He said that she had called in before and she always goes off on him.
Benjy said that whenever Artie is in that fighting mood he always backs off the mic like he's in some kind of fight.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that woman had no business talking about him that way. He aids that he loves Artie on the show and he's one of his biggest fans. He said that he thinks that Howard is the one who stomps on people on the show all the time. HE's not sure what that's about. Artie said this shows how different opinions are about the show.
Gary said that the fans really do have differing opinions and you can't drive yourself nuts thinking about that stuff one way or the other.
Artie said that when he doesn't talk on the show, he keeps himself quiet because he thinks that Howard wants him to stay quiet. He said sometimes Howard will let him talk and if he gets that hint that he wants him to shut up, he'll do it. He respects Howard and the way he does the show so he's just doing it the best way he knows.
Gary said that Howard is the one who controls all of the show and if he didn't want Artie to speak, he'd stop him. Artie said that there are times when he feels he should just stay quiet during the show. He did that when Gallagher was in there and he did it when Paul McCartney was in.
Gary said that he hates hitting people up for stuff and he's probably done that to Artie about 3 times in 7 years. He said he doesn't like doing it but Artie said that he has no problem giving money to charity like that.
Jason came in and said that he doesn't mind all of this stuff. He said that Robin asked him to be part of her group but it had no name when he joined. He had no idea it was going to be Girls Night Out. He said he's not sure why he was asked and no one else was asked to be in the group. He said that they can joke about it all they want, he's proud that he's part of the group.
Jason said that he's a core committee member of the group according to what Robin told him. Jason wondered why no one gave Howard any shit for wishing his dog a happy birthday today. Artie agreed with him there. He said that there is a double standard there but he is the boss so no one says anything.
Jon took a call and asked the guys what Robin does to prepare for the show because she seems to be involved in so many other things. Gary said that she's reading news and watching TV. He's not sure what else she's supposed to be involved with. The caller said that he thinks that she should be part of the group and bouncing ideas off the other guys on the show in their Lotus Notes sessions. Artie said that he doesn't do any of that stuff either. He prepares for the show even less than Robin does.
Gary said that Robin isn't just the news person, she's the co-host of the show and she does a great job doing it. Artie said that if anyone should catch shit for not contributing to the show, it should be him. He said that he could be on Lotus notes contributing but he's not. The guys talked about how the show is really off when Robin isn't there and she's a major part of the show.
Jon asked Artie if he's been using his laptop computer that he got when they started there. Artie said that it's currently being used to keep a table level. Gary asked him if he ever feels he should be e-mailing. Artie said that he feels that all the time because young chicks like that Brianna chick ask for his e-mail before his phone number. He said that he's never e-mailed but he does text because a hot chick got him into that. They spent a minute on that and had to go to break a short time later. Artie said that he'd call in before the end of the show to make sure they brought everything back to him like that woman had said earlier.
Gary said that Jimmy had applied to be an intern on the show 5 times. He got a call to be an intern on the show but then he got a call from his record company on the same day and he had to go with the record company deal. His band, The Bloodhound Gang, has had a couple of hits.
Jon played a clip of Mark reading his note that he read earlier on Howard's show. Jon said that Mark must have been happy to get all of that off his chest. He said ''yeah'' to that and didn't have much of anything else to say.
Gary asked Mark about why he stopped doing the show for the past 2 years. Mark said that he was upset with his mother being upset about what he talked about on the air. Benjy asked about the Mayor coming up to him and asking about the gay thing. Mark said that the guy just asked him if he was gay and he told him he used to be. Jimmy thought that he had cursed the guy out. Mark said he did that too.
Mark said that things are all worked out with the Mayor now, he doesn't have any problems with that now. Benjy asked him if he has any kind of personality disorder. mark said no to that. He didn't know what that meant though. Jimmy said that he's not retarded or anything, he's just a little slow with some stuff.
The guys talked to Mark about the sniffing of women that he does. Mark said that he likes to smell hair and perfume and stuff. Jimmy asked his girlfriend to go over to him and let him sniff her. Mark sniffed her and said that he gets turned on when he sniffs a girl. He said he didn't have a boner from that though.
Gary asked him if he's ever smelled a woman that turned him off. Mark said ''No.'' He has a lot of yes and no answers to the questions they ask.
Jon took a couple of calls after that. One guy asked about the wooden spoon thing and he said that it was something that shouldn't have happened and it won't happen again. Another guy said that Jimmy and Mark are great on the show and they bring it up a notch. Jimmy wasn't sure if that was the case or not but he did pat himself on the back for a joke he told during his segment earlier.
Jon asked Mark about his show that's airing tonight and if he's looking forward to that. Mark said that he is and he'll be talking about sports and stuff like that. He said that there is something that he doesn't want to talk about and it's the gay stuff.
Gary asked Mark if he's going to be voting this coming election. Mark said that he's a registered voter and he's going to vote for Hillary Clinton. He thinks that it's time for a woman to be President. He said he voted for Bush the last time.
Howard started off the show saying that Artie was late. He said he's not sure where he is. He said that he was on the Wrap Up Show accusing him of something that wasn't true. Artie came walking in around that time. He was kind of out of it so Howard asked him what was wrong. Artie said that he was just tired, he got up late.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about the HBO ''John Adams'' series. Howard said that he was going to watch it but then he realized that he didn't want to get started into it because it's 7 hours long. He said that he freed up a lot of time by not watching it. He said that he just can't get himself interested in that kind of thing with guys dressed the way they were.
The guys ended up talking about the guys who started this country and how brilliant they really were. They talked about some of the stuff they did to make this country as great as it turned out to be. Howard said that something as simple as making the presidency just 4 years long is great. There aren't many people in this world who are willing to give up power that easily.
Artie has been watching the John Adams special so he was telling Howard and Robin about what he'd seen. Howard said that he'll just take the highlights from Artie and Robin.
Artie said that Paul Giamatti got bashed in the NY Times article about the special. He said that they said that they just cast the wrong guy for the part. Robin wondered who they want to play that part, George Clooney or someone? Howard said that Will Smith would have been a great pick for the part.
Artie said that he took that back yesterday but maybe he didn't do it the right way. Howard said that Artie has a lot of issues and he understands that. He said that he would love it if he had a guy hooking him up with chicks like that and he thinks that Artie should be pleased with it too.
Artie said he was just speaking out loud on the show and maybe he didn't take it back the way he thought he did.
Howard said that Artie needs to get some chicks so he can have them spending some time with him at his new shore house. Artie said that he can't wait to ruin another summer.
Howard said that he's been watching the news and he wasn't sure what this Bear Stearns thing was all about. He asked Robin to explain it to him so she ran through the story and gave him the basics of what was going on.
Howard said that he saw that Jim Cramer was telling people not to sell their Bear Stearns stock last week. Robin said that he was right to do that but Howard said that he heard that one guy who was worth billions is now worth only 15 million.
Artie brought up the Tiger Woods thing again. That led to the guys talking about some golf stuff. they were talking about Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus and others. Then they talked about how big that sport pays compared to bowling. Howard said that you don't see any pro bowlers buying $65 million houses. He said that might be the sport for him to get into.
Howard thought that all of the lanes were the same so it's not that big of a difference to bowl in different places. Gary told Howard that they are all different. He said that they have some guys who are making good money doing the bowling thing. He said that they're not making Tiger Woods kind of money but they are doing okay.
Gary said that balls do break different on different lanes when you bowl. He said that it's like playing baseball in a different field. Howard said he heard that Scott the Engineer was the highest paid bowler out there. Artie said he's the most dedicated since he went bowling on 9/11.
Artie asked Robin what Scott did that day. She said that Scott dropped her off and then said he was going to go bowling. Robin wasn't able to get out of the city that day herself so Scott drove her to his house so she could hang out there a while. Robin said that he showed up about 10 minutes after he left to go bowling and got upset when he found out that their night was canceled and no one called him.
Howard asked where Scott was because he wanted to know about bowling. Scott came in a short time later and said he didn't know he wanted him in there. Then he ran through some names of the big guys in the game. He said that Walter Ray Williams and Chris Barnes are a couple of the bigger names in the game.
Howard asked Scott if he has any balls that those players use. Scott said that he's never done that, he doesn't guy stuff that those guys endorse.
Scott said that he had a 299 game one time and came very close to having a perfect game. Gary sounded surprised by that. Howard asked Scott if he would ever get a tattoo of holes in his head so he looks like a bowling ball. Scott isn't going to do that.
Scott said there's another guy in bowling who looks like that retarded guy in ''Life Goes On.'' He told Howard to look that guy up to see what he looks like. His name is Patrick Allen. Robin said that they don't even have a picture of him on his own web site. Scott told her to go to PBA.com and look him up there. Howard said that Scott always sends him some good articles from the web, he's always on there looking stuff up.
Gary said that they have some stats about the guys who bowl and what kind of money they make bowling. They had the earnings of that guy Chris Barnes and it looked like he was making about $120,000 a year. Scott said that they have to live in RVs and they go from town to town to do the bowling thing.
Robin wasn't able to find any pictures but Fred found one of Patrick Allen. He said that he looks a little bit like Benjy actually. They spent a minute talking about that and about some of the other guys in the game. Howard thanked Scott for the bowling analysis.
The caller told Howard that he had a Barack Obama update. He said that he came to Scranton yesterday and he almost got run out of town. There were a bunch of protesters outside of the place he was at. They were protesting him over that preacher dude that he's friends with. The guy said that he doesn't stick around and say hi to anyone now and he just ran off when he saw the crowd that was there to greet him.
Howard said that the guy has this lunatic preacher friend and it's making Barack look like an asshole. He said that the preacher seems to be out of his mind and they sell copies of his sermons like they're proud of them. Howard said that Barack has to know what he's up to and he can't claim that he didn't know what he was up to.
The preacher dude is out of the country now because of all of this controversy. Howard said that Obama doesn't need this guy around. People are pointing out that Barack has asked people to trust his judgment and then these tapes come out and it shows what we're supposed to trust.
Howard said that Hillary doesn't even have to do anything now. She can just sit back and watch him self destruct.
Howard said that he hopes that he did take care of her. She said that she'll be fine and Ron was a very good man and took care of her. Howard said he was hoping she was okay because she was out of touch for a while.
Jessica said that she was cut off for a while and things were kind of strange for a while. She said that her life is a mess. She said that things are okay now though. Howard told her that she needs a good working out and she needs to find someone to keep that body in shape. She said that she has always worked on her body.
Jessica said that she was trying to pass time and she started to do the bowling thing. She said that she got a pink bowling ball and she ended up getting a 150 her first time out. She said that she doesn't even know what that score means but she thought she lucked out with something that high.
Howard asked her if that's what she's doing since Ronnie died. She said that she really misses Ron. She usually just goes out to get out of the house and hangs out with her friends. She said that they just go anywhere.
Howard asked Jessica about what the process is to grieve for her man. He asked her how long it took before she went bowling. She said that it was friends who took her out to get her out of the house. She said that it was a guy friend, one of Ron's friends, who took her out.
Howard asked Jessica about why it was bowling and not putt-putt golf or something. She said that it just happened to bowling. She said that they had to get her a ball of her own because she didn't want to stick her fingers in a ball that other people had stuck their fingers in. She wasn't sure how much it cost though.
Jessica said that she's only been bowling 3 times and it was just to get her out of the house. She said that she wears jeans and a t-shirt with the bowling shoes. Howard asked her if she would bowl braless. She said that she guesses she would.
Jessica said that she feels like she's doing something wrong now that she's joking around about this stuff. She said that she gets letters from people when she appears on the show like this. Howard said that she has to enjoy her life and she can't just stay sad for the rest of it. He asked her if she's touched herself since Ron died. She said she hasn't.
Howard said that some people go out and fuck after someone dies in their life. That act of fucking releases something in a person and it releases grief in you. He thinks that she has done it and she should just admit it if she has. Jessica said that she feels guilty just being alive and she really hasn't done that. She said that she may do it sooner or later though. Robin said that it would probably be good for her if she did. Jessica said that she never really had to masturbate while Ronnie was around. She said goodbye a short time later after thanking the guys for their support.
Robin said that she got the e-mail when he resent it to her but Howard said that she still doesn't know how to use it correctly.
Howard said that Robin has a new assistant running around there. He said that she's really tough on her assistants. He said that the poor girl was walking around and she hasn't been introduced to anyone. He said that she knocked on Gary's office the other day and he didn't know who she was. Robin didn't tell anyone there that she had an assistant there.
Gary said that she's very nice but he still doesn't know what her name is. He also said that she wears earmuffs inside. Robin said her name is Stacy and she's following her around for the first few weeks to see what her life is like. Gary said that the guys almost tackled her the other day because she walked into the studio and no one knew who she was.
Robin said that she didn't know that she had to introduce her to everyone. She said that she won't remember everyone if she introduced her to 50 people at once. Howard said that she may not last more than a year so he figures they don't need to get to know her.
Robin said that she doesn't introducer her people to anyone there. Howard said that's crazy and she has to introduce them around. She said that Howard doesn't introduce anyone to her. He said that he never has anyone up there to introduce. Robin said that there are people up there all the time who work for Howard that he doesn't introduce. Howard said that he will tell people when he has someone coming up there to do work.
Howard found out that this Stacy will be there around 11 this morning so he said he has to get her into the studio. Robin said that she won't come in, she's already said that they'll never get her in there. Howard said he's going to get her in there. He wants to find out what's going on there.
Howard told Robin that his assistant goes out and buys him condoms and baby wipes. He said that he can't go out and buy that stuff himself, he's a big star. That led to him talking about how Beth doesn't shit much and it's great. He said that she doesn't shit for like a month. Robin said that's not good and she must be in a constant state of constipation.
Howard asked Robin when she last took a shit. She said that it was last night. She said that she never tells Jim when she's going to be shitting though. She doesn't tell him about her enemas either. Howard asked Robin to get her assistant to buy him baby wipes so she can do his dirty work. Artie asked if he could have Teddy to do that for him. Howard told him to have Teddy go out and buy a bunch of gay magazines for him instead. He said that might get him to quit. Artie said that he wouldn't really need Teddy if he didn't have all of these road gigs he has.
A caller asked Howard what he would do for Beth if she asked him to buy tampons. He said that he'd be proud to do that because it shows that he has a woman. He said that he'd love to go out and do that for her.
Howard said that he was going to play some clips from Mark the Bagger's show but he and Robin ended up talking about the new season of Dancing with the Stars. They talked about what they thought about Adam Carolla, Steve Gutenberg and Penn Jillette. Howard thought that Steve was worse than Adam was but Adam wasn't all that great either.
Howard said that there are no hot chicks on that show now. He and Robin talked about how freaky Priscilla Presley is looking these days. She's had far too much surgery on that face of hers. They talked about the disturbing look she has now. Robin said she looks like that Madam puppet.
The guys talked about Marlie Matlin and how she's not all that pleasant to look at either. Monica Selles wasn't looking too good either according to Howard. He said that he's kind of glad she's doing okay on the show because of that stabbing she had.
Howard said that Shannon Elizabeth isn't looking so good either. She hasn't been in anything other than American Pie as far as he knows. Howard said the hottest chick on there is this guy Mario that's on the show. Howard said that he's not that excited about the new season but he'll watch it anyway.
Artie said that he saw AJ Benza on Celebrity Fit Club and he was doing some odd stretching on the show. Artie said that he's glad that he doesn't have to do that show himself.
The guys were liking what they were hearing even though Mark and Jimmy weren't doing all that much. Howard played another clip where Mark was doing an impression of himself doing his ''yes'' answers. Jimmy told him that he was pretty bad at doing that impression.
In another clip Jimmy talked to Mark about masturbating and then his phone rang again. Mark answered again and had a conversation with whoever it was who called him. He told the person about what channel he was on and Jimmy just let him have the discussion. Robin and Artie were laughing their asses off hearing those clips.
Howard said that it's like listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks because Jimmy kind of sounds like the guy in the show. In another clip Mark got another phone call and took it live on the air. Everyone was calling him personally instead of calling into the show.
Howard played another clip where Mark talks about wiping his load on a chair. Jimmy asked him about his mother catching him jerking off so he tells a story about how his mom knows what he does. Then he says that he wipes his load on his chair and then wipes it off. Jimmy said that he has to smell that chair. Robin said that clip sickened her.
Howard played a clip where Jimmy took some calls. One guy asked Mark if he likes trimmed, shaved or hairy cock. He said he doesn't like any of them. The caller asked Mark a bunch of gay questions but Mark said that he's not into that stuff anymore. Jimmy had Mark explain how he's not gay anymore in that clip. A guy calls in and tells Mark that he has a girl for him. The caller then gets on and brings up some gay stuff with him. Mark was saying that he heard that there were a bunch of other Mark the Bagger guys on Myspace so maybe the guys were getting him confused with the imposters.
Jimmy asked Mark when he last had sex with a guy. Mark said that it was 10 years ago and it was one mistake he made. Jimmy asked him about when he first had sex with a girl. He said that it was about 3 or 4 years ago. Mark said that he has only had sex with one but he'd rather not discuss that.
Howard said that he had some more clips but he went to the phones instead. A woman called in and asked if it was true that Beth has a glass eye. Howard told her that wasn't true. Fred threw in a glass breaking sound clip as they were talking about that.
The woman said that she was hoping to get a tour of the studio since so many other losers get a tour. Howard said that it sounded like she was calling her husband a loser. She said that he's a NY Fire Fighter so Howard told her that if he really is one he'll give him a tour. Howard said that it's no wonder he runs into fires with a wife like that.
Howard put her on hold and mentioned that they had May Pang calling in today. He and Robin spent a minute talking about her. Howard also took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Paul McCartney impression. He was singing a bunch of his songs and doing a bunch of different impressions yelling at the top of his lungs. Howard kept him on the phone for a couple of minutes and let him do his Paul impression for a bit. He had some song parodies ready to go but Howard bailed out on his call a few minutes in. Artie said that he can picture his parents in the other room with the covers over their heads. Howard said the guy is like 40 years old and still living at home so it must drive them nuts. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard let some of the Beatles song play through and talked about how great this one part was. He said that he should have a PhD in the Beatles. He said that Gary has one in Flock of Seagulls.
Howard was going to play the audio of Heather Mills talking about this settlement she made with Paul McCartney. Robin said she heard that Heather poured water on one of the attorney's heads during the trial. Robin said that it seems like that woman is out of her mind. She's getting $50 million plus something like $140,000 a year in child support.
Howard played the audio of Heather talking about how glad she was that this case was over. She was going on and on about how she knew that it was going to be between 20 and 30 million so she made out very well in the case. She was also saying that she was very pleased with the way things worked out. She was bad mouthing Paul and saying that she was going to support the charities that she wanted to support.
Howard said that she was irritating the crap out of him but he wanted to hear more of the audio. He played more of Heather talking about the settlement. She was telling the press all of the details of what she had just gotten in the judgment. She was saying that her daughter is only getting 35,000 pounds a year and she was saying this in front of all of these people who probably don't even make that in their professional life. She was awarded 50 million bucks and complaining that her daughter is only getting 35,000 a year. She could use that 50 million for the kid but she's making it seem like she's not getting enough.
Heather was saying that she was living with Paul before she got married but the judge apparently didn't believe that was the case and started the count when they got married.
Howard asked why no one picked up the girl with the fire fighter chick that he put on hold earlier. He told them to handle it now since she had been on hold all this time.
Howard got back to the Heather Mills audio and played more of her rambling on and on. She was saying that the judge thought that Paul was only worth 400 million but she knows that he's worth 800 million. She complained that she was locked out of every home and wasn't allowed access to any of his records.
Howard said that he sat down with this Paul McCartney and asked him what the hell he was doing back when he was getting married. He knew that it was a mistake not to go into it with a pre-nup and he warned Paul about that.
Howard said that he knew the guy for like 2 years. He met him when he moved to Rockville Center. Artie wondered what the story was there. She said that it was about Howard's childhood friend and she though it was a great story. Artie said that it was a horrible story. Howard said that he doesn't think he played chess with him either. Artie told her that it was all wrong. Howard said that tomorrow Lisa is working on a story about how his parents have a TV set.
Lisa said she likes hearing stories about the people that Howard hung out with when he was a child. Artie told her that it was just horrible.
Lisa said that they have a story about Dr. Roni, Robin's diet doctor. Artie goofed on her a little bit about that story too. Howard said that he thinks it sounds like a good news day. Artie laughed but Howard said he was serious.
Howard asked Lisa what else she had. She said that she has a story about Riley Martin's six birds. She said that she interviewed him about the birds and what he has to do to take care of them. Howard said it's no wonder he needs so much money, he has to take care of all of the birds.
Howard said that he's talked to a lot of college students about stuff like this. He said that he's gone to some colleges and talked to a bunch of people. He said that he thinks that they should have rules on college radio. He said that it might be exciting to hear him doing his thing on the air but on campus they have a set of rules. He said that maybe the rules weren't all that clear.
Randy said that he was told that as long as they didn't have nudity and didn't curse, he'd be fine. Howard said that he got fired from his college radio station but he ended up getting reinstated. Howard said that he was doing stuff back then that was never done on radio.
Howard said that they've done those things that Randy did. He said that it seems like fun going right into doing stuff like that but you have to think about the female students at the school and what they're going to be hearing.
Randy said that they're going to be doing a private podcast from now on and not do that kind of stuff on the radio station. Howard said that it takes some time to figure out how to do a show like that on the air. Robin said that's what radio has become though so that's what they're going to do when they go into the studio.
Randy said that they didn't do anything like that in the first 2 seasons, they did it in the third season. Randy said that they're much better off being on Live365.com. They start that next week. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard played some audio of Sal and Richard going out and interviewing a bunch of people about St. Patrick's day. They were asking drunk guys about giving up drinking to save people in other countries. one guy was saying ''Fuck that!'' over and over whenever he was asked questions.
Howard played another interview where they asked a guy the same type of questions. These guys were all saying that they wouldn't give up drinking and they wouldn't be there if St. Patrick was black. They had some audio of some people screaming out on the street and cursing like crazy.
Another caller said that he was glad that Howard turned him on to ''In Treatment'' on HBO. Howard said that the acting is great on that show and he thinks that they're all great. He talked about some of the other actresses on the show. He said that it's on HBO on demand too so that's the best way to catch up with the show. Howard said that he just started watching it this year but he's not sure how long its been on the air.
Howard said that he and Beth made love last night so he wasn't able to see The Bachelor. Robin told Artie that he has to watch some of those shows so he can get laid. Artie said that he'd rather die alone.
Bobo called in and said that he thought Adam Carolla was good on the show last night even though they were calling him a stiff. Howard said that they're not dancers and not very coordinated so he gets why they're not that great. He said that they did try hard though and did pretty good.
Howard said that he's not excited about that because there aren't any hot chicks on the show. He said that he's still going to watch the show though.
Howard asked Robin who Magic Matt Allen is. She didn't know. He said that he was on Z-100 at one point and now works there at SIRIUS. He said that the guy contacted him and told him that he owns Johnny Carson's couch from the Tonight Show. He said that they had it on the show for about a decade and now the guy has it up on eBay for sale.
Howard said that he wouldn't give the guy 10 cents for it but there are people who would want that stuff. He said that he's got a bid of $99,000. Then he saw that it was the starting bid. He's teamed up with the guy who owned his desk so they're auctioning off both.
Howard said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to that guy or not. He read some notes about the couch and desk and thought about if he should talk to the guy. He said that he really had to take a break there though.
Howard played a new song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man. He got in all of those different names that they call him on the show. It was to the tune of the Green Acres theme song. He threw in the ''Ack, Ack'' sound clip in there too.
Howard replayed more of the St. Patrick's day audio that Sal and Richard got. Howard asked what makes Robin sicker, them or heather Mills. Howard said it was Heather. He said he really dislikes that woman.
Howard figured that you'd need sight to cheat but that's apparently not the case. He said that even that guy needed some strange. He said he read the article quickly and he thinks that his wife had affairs too. Robin said that was the case.
Howard ended up hanging up on Misty after she gave more thoughts on the whole Spitzer thing. He said that was the idiotic side of the story.
Howard read through some e-mail about the new Miss Howard TV. Some guys were saying that Artie was right about how hot she was. That led to the guys talking about Brianna's breasts and how they looked like they might be fake but she claimed they were real. Artie felt them and thought they were real.
Robin said that Howard has been backing away from touching women these days. He said that he wasn't given any orders or anything but he said that he doesn't want to upset his family or Beth. He said that a lot of his actions don't go unnoticed these days so he watches what he does. He said that he's 54 years old now and he doesn't feel it's right to touch a 20 year old. He said he's not comfortable with it. He said he loves looking at younger women and doesn't have a problem having them in the studio. He has no problem with nudity or riding the Sybian or anything like that. He said that he's 54 and has a 15 year old, a 25 year old and another one graduating college. He said that there comes a time in a dude's life and that's what's going on with him. He said he wasn't given any ultimatums or anything, this was his choice.
Howard figures that he'll be able to start feeling titties again when he's about 75. Then it'll be cute to the young girls. Artie said that George Carlin has turned into that old man these days and it's kind of scary. Howard said that he thinks he's doing the audience a favor not touching the boobs and stuff. He said that's what he wants and that's why he's not touching them these days. Artie deserves that chance so he lets him do it instead.
Howard asked Artie if he was taking Subutex yesterday when Brianna was in there. He said he wasn't but now that he's getting to know Jason Itzler, he may be using it more and more.
Howard asked Artie what he would rather do, fuck that Brianna chick or hit for the Yankees just one time. Artie said that he'd take Brianna before the Yankees thing. He said that they'd both be very quick but one is going to be much more memorable. He'd rather fuck Brianna. Howard said he's with him on that. He said he showed her picture to Beth and she thinks that she could model professionally.
Howard said that he's tried to watch some of her videos on her web site but he keeps getting a password request so it was driving him nuts.
Howard said that he got a lot of feedback about Robin's ''Girls Night Out'' club. He was talking to Beth about that and had her guessing who was in the group. Howard said that the group is shocking and the fans are sending in a lot of mail about that. He read through a few of those e-mails and the fans are saying that Robin is a snob.
One person wrote in and suggested that Robin could feed all of Africa with her breasts and lose just one cup size. Someone suggested that Robin call her group ''Just-tits League of America.'' Artie suggested chicks with Dicks but Robin said that it would be Chicks with a Dick since they just have one man in the group.
Howard s aid that some people are complaining about Robin's printer and the noise it makes on the air. Howard said he hasn't heard it but if the fans are hearing it they should do something. Robin said that she's asked for a quiet printer but they haven't gotten her one.
Howard read some mail about this Barack Obama controversy with the preacher. That got the guys talking about that for a few minutes. Artie was wondering how Oprah is spinning this story. No one was sure but Howard said he heard that she actually went to the same church.
Howard read through some more mail and had some stuff about Artie. Some people felt bad for him with his luck with women. That makes him fit right in with regular guys according to some e-mail. Howard said that he really does have bad luck, especially after Vinnie Favale screwed up and e-mailed Dana about what he was supposed to be doing with the chicks that night he did Letterman.
Howard said that they got a lot of feedback about Jason Itzler and people were enjoying that interview. They spent a short time talking about that.
Howard said that some people were wondering about why Mark the Bagger hadn't been on in 2 years. Howard said that was Mark not coming on because he was upset with them for a while. Howard said that his show was great last night and it was a big hit with the fans. He had a couple more clips to play so he finished up with those.
In one clip Mark the Bagger was telling Jimmy what his pick up lines are at bars and stuff. Howard said that the fans were saying that an hour is too short for that guy. In another clip Jimmy takes a phone call from a guy who says that Mark sent him pictures of himself with dildos in his ass. Mark said that he's pretty sure that wasn't him but he does have a co-worker that's into that. Jimmy said that he had forgotten that Mark had taken pictures of himself masturbating with some friends of his. Mark confirmed that and said it was just a joke. He said that he jerked off in his friend's dorm bathroom. He said it was just a young kid's joke.
Howard said that he loves that someone will call in with a crazy accusation and Mark will actually have something in his life that relates to it.
Howard played one more clip of Mark talking about how he cleans his sink with his toothbrush. Mark said that he uses the toothbrush to clean the toothpaste out of the sink if it's stuck in there. Jimmy told him that might be why his teeth look like butterscotch. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that they have a phone number that must be close to a complaint department. He said that the guys took a call the other day and Richard and Sal busted this woman's balls while she complained. In the call the woman says that she got a bill from them that she paid and isn't showing up on her account. They kept calling her ''sir'' and saying that her name was Harold, Howard or Herman when she'd say that her name was Helena. Howard said that Sal and Richard are so happy when they get a call like that. Richard and Sal jerked her around for a few minutes going back and forth and pretending to transfer her call. She eventually hangs up after 10 minutes. Howard said they cut it down to 2 minutes from that 10 minute call.
Howard said that it had been a while since they last say May. He said that her vagina was entered by John Lennon. He wanted to think about that for a little while. He said that she was also married to Tony Visconte for a little while. She said that extramarital affairs don't work in her life so she had to split from him. She said that they worked things out after that for their kids. She said that one of her son's is almost 19 now.
Howard asked May if she ever thought she'd be doing another book about John Lennon because it seemed that she had exhausted everything.
Howard said that Gary had a story about May. He said that she asked Gary to come to his apartment one time when he ran into her out at an appearance one time. Gary thought that she wanted to bang him but when he got to her apartment, she just showed him a filing system of cassette tapes of some recording sessions that she had kept over the years. IT turned out she had some old tapes of John Bon Jovi doing these recording sessions from back when he was first starting out.
Gary said that there was no sexual tension between them at all. IT was more like she was the teacher and he was a student. He said that she just wanted to tell him about stuff and didn't want him at all. She just wanted to play some music for a music lover.
Howard said that John Lennon has ruled her whole life and that's probably why Tony couldn't take it anymore. Howard asked her if Gary would have had a chance with her at all. She said that she likes him as a friend only. Artie asked her why she'd play Bon Jovi for a music lover. Howard thought that was kind of mean but Artie said that Bon Jovi is like Bruce Springsteen Light.
Howard asked about this new book and what she has in it. She said that she has a bunch of pictures that they took together back in the day. Artie claimed he didn't get the name of the book right away but he seemed to be just jerking her around.
Howard talked to May about her dealings with Yoko Ono. She said that she hasn't made up with her or anything but she did run into her about a year and a half ago. She said that she wished her luck with what she was up to and she thanked her and about 5 minutes later she was waving at her and saying hi to her as if she hadn't seen her.
Howard asked what was going on with the signal in the studio today. He was hearing some buzzing going in and wanted to figure out what was causing it. He asked her to turn off her phone just in case that was it. She turned it off but the noise was still there. He said that something was making him mental in there today. She had a cell phone that she claimed was off but there was something causing that cell phone sound over the phone.
Scott the Engineer came in and changed her headphones and it seemed to fix the problem. Scott said that he'd check into it later and fix the problem.
Howard asked May if John's penis was the largest she ever had. She didn't want to answer that. She said that there are people out there who don't want to hear about that stuff. She said that her son would get upset if he heard that. Howard thinks that her son would love to hear that she carries a bit of that history inside of her.
Howard asked if May and John used rubbers. He got a no from her on that. He asked her if she ever dreamed that she'd have his baby. She was on the pill at the time so she wasn't thinking about that. She claims that John wanted her to have his child but she never wished for that herself.
May brought up her book and tried to change the subject. Howard wanted to know how they were going to document the size of his penis if she didn't talk about it. He asked her about how long its been since she last had sex. She said that it had been 3 or 4 years. Artie said that he'd do her and she could be May Pang Lange if they got married. It had a show business ring to it.
Howard asked May about fantasizing about John when she pleasures herself today. She said that she never thinks about that. She said that she hasn't even thought about any of that stuff in a long time. She said that she doesn't pleasure herself these days. She claims that she doesn't have those desires at this time. Howard asked Robin if that's possible. Robin said that she can't call her a liar about something like that.
Howard asked May if she ever had to put her hands down there to get herself to sleep. She insisted that she didn't so Howard said that she should take a lie detector test to find out.
Howard said that he thinks that John ruined her and now no man is good enough for her. Artie suggested the lead singer of Creed to go out with her. She didn't sound interested in that.
Howard said that May was smart because she took so many pictures of John. She said that John asked her to take them, she just held onto them since they were so great.
Howard asked May if it was true that she was with John in a Jacuzzi and he tried to strangle her. She said that they were in a car and he was trying to stop her from doing something. She said that the story was kind of exaggerated because John had just put his hand on her shoulder while she was driving. She said that he was drunk when he did it.
Howard asked about Phil Spector since he used to hang out with John and her. She aid that he used to carry around a gun all the time and he used to shoot it off for no reason. She said that he shot it off in the studio one night. She said that Phil told the people not to tell him what to do and shot the gun to prove to them that they can't tell him what to do.
Howard asked May if John would be willing to do anything to make her happy. Stuff like 69 or anilingus. She said that Robin was laughing like crazy hearing that in her booth. May went on to say that John was a very giving man and he did make sure that she would have an orgasm. She said that he was fine doing regular intercourse. Howard said that was a big news item. He asked if he bathed before having sex with her. May was laughing at all of those questions.
Howard talked about May's life growing up and how her father would beat her just because she was born a girl. She said that it was a tough life. Howard gave her some more plugs for her book and said that it was a great looking book. He said he took his copy home and checked it out. He said it makes for a great coffee table book.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone again doing his Paul McCartney impression. He sang a little to her and then went into a baby voice that was kind of creepy. Howard told him to get off his phone.
Artie was checking out May's book and said that there were some pictures of a young May in there. They had some pictures of Julian in the book as well. She said that he was 10 at the time those pictures w