Howard started off the show wondering where to begin with so much to talk about. He said he hadn't been on SternFanNetwork for like 4-6 months and he made the mistake of going on. He said someone had posted how boring it was to hear Scott DePace arguing politics. He went to his shrink after that and talked about that with him. He said the shrink understands it but Howard took it as if he sucks and it's time to end the show. He said he can't handle that stuff. Howard said his shrink thinks that he wants everything to be good or he's like a big baby. Howard said that as long as his shrink isn't posting on that site, he'll be fine.
Howard read the article where Johnson said Howard talked about how he was getting cold feet about his wedding. Howard said he never said that, he was just talking about the wedding coming up and the guest list stuff. Howard said that they're sure they're not going to have Sal at the wedding because Beth saw Sal's roast of her on YouTube and she got upset about that all over again.
Howard asked Gary to get Beth on the phone so he could talk to her about this. He said that he's in love with this girl and this article is going to mean more to her than what he actually thinks. Robin said that Howard never said that he had cold feet about the wedding, he was getting cold feet about the wedding because of all of the pressure.
Gary had Beth on the line and she told Howard she knew he was going to call. She said that this article is annoying because she knows that's not the way Howard is thinking. Robin told Beth they were just joking around about that stuff when Howard talked about his cold feet. Howard said he doesn't know what Richard Johnson's problem is with him. He has him on the show sometimes and he still writes this stuff about him.
Howard read more of the article where he reports on the ''cold feet'' comment. They talked about how weird it was that Richard was writing this stuff. Howard told Gary to try and get Richard on the phone. He didn't want him to call his home number so he told him to just try the cell. Howard said he has to get to the bottom of why the guy is trying to wreck his life.
A caller told Howard that this was boring and he should put Eric the Midget on the phone. Howard said that he has to straighten this out. The guy pointed out that Howard did say he was getting cold feet. Howard said it was just the wedding planning, not getting married to Beth that he was getting cold feet over.
Howard told Beth he loves her and he does want to get married to her. He said they haven't even figured out what kind of wedding they want to do yet. Howard said that they'll get married and then everyone can write about how miserable he is with other stuff.
Beth said there was another article where Johnson dissesd him somehow. He can't remember exactly what that one was about. Beth told Howard she's fine and she loves him. She had to get going to the gym. Howard told her to get going because he doesn't want to see any cellulite on her. He was kidding around of course and he knows that will end up in the paper too.
Artie said that cellulite comment could end up in the paper and make him look pretty bad too. Howard took another phone call and the caller told him that he's too good for Beth and this wedding thing isn't going to work out. Howard thanked the guy for saying that but didn't even understand what he was saying. The guy said that they're both too good for each other and it wasn't going to work out. He said that he actually wants Beth for himself so that's why he was saying that. Howard said he still doesn't know what the agenda is there with Richard Johnson.
Howard said his mother felt so frail. He said she told him she felt she broke something but she was actually talking about her glasses. He said everyone got upset but she was able to get up within about 10 minutes. They went to the hospital and gave her some x-rays and she was fine. She did have to get some stitches in her leg but she's going to be okay.
Howard said his mother got his fortune cookie and it said to her ''Things are not going to go your way.'' She figured that's what the fortune was telling her about. Howard said that she should sue the fortune cookie maker. They're supposed to be positive, not negative like that. Howard said that she and his father both read the fortune. He said that his father told her that they should never read fortune cookies.
Howard said that all fortunes are supposed to be positive from what he's heard about the fortune cookie makers. She got up from her fall and said she knew it was that fortune cookie that did it. Howard said that his father was saying that the fortune cookie upset her so that's why she should never read it. He doesn't believe that it actually caused her to fall though.
Howard said that it was really tough to see his mother so frail and suffering like that for two seconds. He said it was killing him inside. He said he can see why Artie is so fucked up from having his father confined to a bed for years. Artie said he was just 18 when his father fell off the roof. He died when he was 22. Howard said he should really go see a shrink after going through that.
Howard said his mother's hearing is going and she couldn't hear a lot of what was going on. He had to yell out his answers to her and stuff like that. He was also talking about a woman in the hospital who was yelling for more morphine and his mother wasn't even able to hear that. He said he was listening to that and trying to pay attention to his mother. He said his mother is on a lot of medications and getting older just sucks dick. He said it really bummed him out.
Howard said the weekend was just shitty. Artie said that he respects the celebrities who disappear and don't let people see them anymore. Howard said that Clint Eastwood should do that. He talked about how they show his varicose veins and man-tits in the tabloids. He said some of the tabloids just have no class and they should just leave him alone.
Artie talked about his father and how awful his father looked after he fell and broke his neck. He said that it was a big shock that this was one of his parents. Howard told him that he really needs to go talk about that with a shrink.
Robin said that she's seen people see their family members after open heart surgery and they'd faint when they saw how awful they looked.
Howard said he was trying to buy his parents a new TV, a nice flat screen, but they're giving him a hard time about it. He said his mother was saying she didn't want to deal with change right now because his mother is hurt right now. He said they didn't want a DVD player either but now they love it.
King of All Blacks called in and said he knows what Howard means about this. He said it's almost like a preview of what's going to happen eventually. Howard said it really was horrible and he replayed that in his head over and over. He said he should have kept an eye on his mother but he just didn't do it.
King talked about his mother having a stroke after his brother died but Howard cut him off and said that no one cares to hear about his life. He hung up on him. Artie said that King should get his own show if he wants to talk about that stuff.
Another caller told Howard that he should stop crying because it's depressing. Howard told the guy that the whole show is about his complaining. The caller said that he loves the show and he doesn't need to talk about this stuff like the Page Six stuff. The caller didn't care about that but Howard said that he cares himself, that's why he's talking about it. That's what the show is about.
Howard explained how OJ was arrested out in Las Vegas after he broke into a room and tried to steal back some stuff he claims was stolen from him. Howard said that he was trying to get back the suit that he wore on the day he was acquitted and a bunch of other stuff. Howard said he read that the stuff wasn't worth more than a few hundred bucks though. Robin said she read that the suit was valued up to $10,000 though.
Howard read the list of stuff that OJ was trying to steal back and it was a bunch of bullshit stuff. Howard said that this is the same guy who wrote a book about the way he killed his wife. That led to the guys talking about how the Brown's have been on TV lately talking about that book and how it's really like a confession.
Gary said that one of OJ's guys recorded some of what went on during that night when OJ was trying to take back his stuff. This recording was done in the room shortly before they entered the room to take this stuff back. Howard played the clip where OJ is telling asking the guys if they think they can steal his stuff and not have him come after them. OJ was yelling at them and sounded very scary, like he did in the old 911 tapes when his wife used to call when he was yelling at her.
Robin said that they're comparing this to a home invasion. Because of the value of this stuff, OJ could go to jail for 35 years from what Howard has read. Robin said that OJ sounded like he was the one in control there and he was the leader of the pack.
Gary said that Marcia Clark was talking about how OJ was leaving behind all of this evidence but he did that in the murder case as well and he still got off. Howard said that he feels bad for Marcia because she gets blamed for screwing up that case but she really didn't. He thinks that it was the wacky jury that let OJ off.
The guys talked about how it seems like OJ likes the attention he's getting over this whole thing. He's doing everything wrong and talking to reporters and stuff like that. He's even been seen smiling to the reporters after going through all of this.
A caller said that there's no way OJ is getting out of this one because there's so much evidence in this case. Robin said that there's a lot of stuff coming out about this story and at first they were saying there were no guns but then they were saying there were guns but OJ didn't know about them. No one is saying that OJ had a gun himself though.
Howard asked the guys how much time they think OJ will get. Robin said 12 years, Fred said no time. Robin said there's no way he's getting off with no time this time. Fred said he's sticking with that though. He said that they have tape this time and so much evidence. Fred said they had a lot of stuff in the murder case too.
Howard said that OJ's new motto could be something like ''If it was not stolen, OJ is golden.'' Robin said that OJ is admitting that he was at this robbery so he could get convicted easily. She's sticking with that 12 year prediction and doesn't think that the black community will turn against him. Howard said he thinks that the black community will say that the cops are framing him.
Howard said he thinks that OJ will get 3 years or so when he gets convicted. Robin said that he's in big trouble and it's going to be more than that.
Joey Boots called in and said that they charged another guy with robbery but let him out a short time later. He thinks that guy may have turned on OJ and that's why he got out so quick. He said they have a lot of stuff against OJ and he's so happy about that. He's hoping that Melrose Larry Green goes out there and stands outside the courthouse yelling about OJ being guilty. Melrose was on the phone too so Howard put him on. Melrose said that he will be out there doing that and he's hoping that Howard brings his show out there at the same time.
Joey said that this is going to be great for the Goldman family because they'll finally get to see OJ go to jail. He said the guy is a piece of shit and he needs to go to jail. Melrose said that he'll be outside the court yelling ''Hello Armed Robber!'' over and over again.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he got out of surgery last week and found out OJ was arrested. He said that was a big surprise to him. He went on to talk about how OJ could make a deal to avoid time in jail. He could bring it down to 1 or 2 years. Robin said she still hopes that it's 12. Dominic said that there are weapons in this case so that could force him to serve a minimum amount of time. He said that it's much more serious than some people think.
Dominic said that he'd be taking a plea if he were OJ. If he does that he could avoid some time in jail. He said that the judge may be forced to give him a minimum amount of time. Fred asked if OJ says he didn't know about the guns, could he get off. Dominic said that's an interesting question. He gave some details on robbery and what the courts will be looking at when it comes to that stuff.
Robin said that the timing of this is right around the time his book was released. Dominic said that the only reason OJ should have gone into that room was if he thought that he was going to save a life. He went on to talk about the armed robbery description and how you don't have to have a weapon on you to get charged with that. He said that just the way he was yelling at those people could do it. He also said that the conspiracy is what's going to get OJ even if the weapons charges don't hit him.
Dominic said that they're probably trying to dig up Johnny Cochran right now to get him to the trial. Robin said that this trial could go on for a long time. Howard said that they have to televise it. He figures they have to get it up this fall for the ratings sweeps.
Howard took a call from Daniel Carver who wanted to comment on the case. He said that it takes just one black person sitting on a jury to hang the jury. He said that OJ will get off because of that. He said that it doesn't matter what evidence they have against him. The jury will get him off. Daniel was going on and on about how they will never convict him because all blacks stick together. Robin said that if that was the case, then all blacks would get off. Daniel said that it's just the famous blacks who get off. He was using the N-word to describe them of course. He is in the Ku Klux Klan after all.
Howard asked Daniel why he doesn't have his messages anymore. Daniel said that he's trying to get out a little more and spends time in casinos and stuff now. He's getting too old to do those messages now. He's 57 and trying to enjoy life a little more. Robin said that he might be trying to calm down with that but it does seem to rear it's ugly head sometimes.
Howard said that Daniel's wife is the real racist there and they should get her opinion on this whole thing. He said that he wanted to hear her going off on them so he asked Gary to get them back on the line. Howard said that they have his Cribs show up on Howard TV. That led to him talking about this Miss Howard Stern special that they shot for Howard TV and how they might have a special premiere held at a theater or something.
Gary told Howard he had Daniel's wife Darlene on the phone to comment on this OJ thing. Darlene started throwing the N-word out there and didn't know that Daniel was softening up. She said that she thinks that all blacks are bad and that's her opinion on all of that. She said that she's happy to see this OJ thing happening. She said that she'd hang OJ with a rope if she were on the jury.
Howard asked Darlene what she'd do with blacks in this country if she had the chance. She said she'd put them on a boat and sink the boat. She was also saying that Robin would be on that boat. Artie asked her what she would choose, to have no black people or no Jews on this planet. She said that was tough and said that she'd have to keep Howard. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later and said that she's a racist's racist. Howard said she was actually kind of charming in her own twisted way. She sounded very nice when she was talking about sinking the boat with all of the blacks on it.
Artie was doing an impression of Darlene talking about that stuff. They're so casual when they talk about it. Howard let him do that for a minute and then went to break after mentioning some of the stuff they had coming up today.
Howard said that he was into watching all of these guys playing. He mentioned a bunch of odd names for these guys so they were goofing on Howard about that. Howard said that one guy used the Scotch defense in his game so he explained how he uses that himself and gave them some of his moves.
Howard said that all of the grand masters know all of the opening moves of games so most of them are pretty average when they start. Then someone will change it up and change the whole game. Robin said she was lost after she heard that description.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about the chess stuff. Howard changed subjects and said he was watching the Emmy's over the weekend. He and Robin talked about Ray Romano getting censored during one of his jokes. There was another clip where they cut away from a woman who just mouthed the word ''shit'' and even cut away from Sally Field when she said ''god damn.'' He said that it's gotten so bad with the FCC that they have to cut away from stuff like that.
Howard spoke to Janice, Tabitha's mother, who said that it's not strange to have a porn star daughter. Howard told Janice that he saw her daughter shoving a dildo in her anus the other night. He said that he was thinking that she was somebody's daughter. Janice said she will go to her daughter's web site but won't watch her movies. She said that her other kids are pretty normal. Howard asked her if something went wrong there. Janice just laughed when she heard that.
Howard read a quote from Tabitha where she said something about her family using her for her money. She said that she never said that about her mother, maybe her brother. She said that he's always a taker and he never shows any appreciation for the stuff she does for him.
Janice said that she has to refer to a sign that reminds her to call her daughter by her stage name, Tabitha, and not her real name. She said that she was kind of surprised when her daughter got into the business. She wasn't thrilled with it at first but she seems to be okay with it now. She said that she raised all of her kids the same and gave them a background that was good and stable. She said what they've done with their lives is up to them and she's proud of all of them.
Howard told Janice that he wanted to play a game and have her try and pick out her daughter's voice from some audio clips. Janice said that was going to be tough but he then went on to play some clips. The first clip was a woman yelling as she was getting slammed. Howard asked her if that was her daughter. She knew it wasn't her. Howard said that was actually Gianna so she was right. Howard played a second clip where a woman was getting banged and she thought it was her. It turned out to be Missy Monroe.
Robin asked if there was a prize for all of this. Gary gave Howard a $500 prize (Courtesy of ManGroomer.com) they could give away and told Janice she had to get the next three right to win. Howard then played another porn clip which wasn't Tabitha. Janice thought it was her. Howard let her play again and said that she had to get the next two right and he'd still give her the prize. She got the next one right so Howard played even more of that clip even thought Tabitha didn't want him to play anymore. Artie asked Howard to play some of her blowing a guy or licking an asshole.
Howard played the final clip and Janice said that it was her daughter but she was wrong again. Howard gave her the prize money anyway. He replayed some of her audio and some of the other clips as well. Artie wondered if she ever told her mother about making out with the guy who brushed his teeth with dog shit that one time. Janice said she never heard that one.
Howard said that Janice sounded very nice and she did win $500. He asked Tabitha if she was embarrassed by that whole thing. She said it was very embarrassing because it was her mother. Howard mentioned Tabitha's web site, TabithaStevens.com and said that there's a lot more hard core stuff on there now.
Howard said that Tabitha is trying to find guys for this movie she's going to be doing and today they're going to have three guys, hidden behind curtains, show their penises through a hole in the curtain. He said that Tabitha is doing a glory hole type of movie and she doesn't want to see the guy's she's doing. That's why they're finding these guys this way.
Howard had the first guy stick his penis through the hole in the curtain. Tabitha went over to look at the penis but the guy had some trouble sticking it through the curtain. It was very small so the guy had some trouble. Howard had number two stick his dick through. He was a little bigger with about 8 inches not erect. Howard said that he might be semi-aroused. She said that he might be aroused after taking a look again. The next guy stuck his dick through and she asked what she was seeing because it looked odd. She said that it looked like it was stuck to itself in some strange way.
Howard said that number 2 seemed to be the biggest one and the first guy was the smallest. Tabitha said she had to go with number 2 because of the business she's in. She said that he's a good size.
Howard had number 1 come out to say hello. It was High Pitch Eric. He said hello and got a kiss from Tabitha. He was the one having a hard time getting his cock through the curtain. Howard asked him if he feels bad about it. Eric didn't sound too happy. He said that his belly got in the way. He said he has lost some weight after he started working. He said he starts a new job tomorrow. Howard said that it would have been an asset to have him in the movie.
He had the third guy come out and it was Jeff the Vomit Guy. Jeff said he was disappointed and his whole life is disappointing. He said he was on his way there on the train and he was telling himself that he's everything that's wrong with America. He said he's got this curse of this fetish of Roman showers and he can't get away from that. He said he feels like a misfit. He said that he gets depressed sometimes and he can't even go to a dominatrix or anything because he doesn't have the money.
Howard suggested that Jeff go out with a Bulimic. Jeff said that he'd prefer to go out with someone who does it as a fetish, not someone who has a health problem. Robin asked him if he's tried anything normal. Jeff said that he's 50 years old now and he's always been awkward so nothing works out for him. He said he'd like to have a consolation prize or something. Howard told him that they'll have him back on the show after they find someone to vomit on him. He asked for some money but Howard said he wasn't going to pay for him to go to a dominatrix.
Artie told Jeff that if he and Eric want to go to lunch with him today, he can guarantee that he'll throw up. Howard asked Tabitha if she could puke on him. Tabitha said that she can't throw up on command. Artie old her to tongue kiss him and that might make her puke. She said she can't do that. Howard asked Jeff if he wanted Tabitha to spit on his cock. He said that he'd like her to do that so he agreed to do that. He asked her to give him a nice big spit and said that he would get a thrill out of that.
Tabitha went over and hocked up a good one for him. She spit on him and he sniffed it. Howard said he was rubbing it in on his belly and taking whiff of it. He said that there is a bit of a smell to saliva and that's what he was sniffing. Howard wrapped up with him and gave him a plug for HowardShrine.com.
Howard had the winner reveal himself. It turned out to be Big Foot Mark. Big Foot said that he works on his dick every night and pets it every night. Howard asked Tabitha if he turns her off at all. She said that she actually likes him and he seems to have a gentleness about him. Howard had Tabitha model for him a little bit. He seemed to like what he was seeing.
Gary let Howard know that he had Barbara Walters on the line so he hadn't put her on hold yet because he didn't need her hearing this stuff. Howard gave out some more plugs for Tabitha and wrapped up so he could get to Barbara Walters.
Howard and Robin had talked up Barbara before she got on the line and they mentioned that she had interviewed all of the presidents over the past 30 years or so. She said that she found that Richard Nixon was probably the smartest of them all. She also talked about some other Presidents like Clinton and George Bush Sr. She said that she was friendly with Bush before he was President. She said she had him over for coffee one night and she was wearing just a bath robe when he showed up. She said that she left that out of her book but he told her it was fine to leave it in.
Howard asked Barbara which one of the presidents that she liked the least. She said she wasn't sure about that so Howard threw Jimmy Carter's name out there. She wasn't answering the question so Howard moved on and cut her off. He asked Barbara what actors have propositioned her over the years. She wasn't talking. She mentioned Clint Eastwood's name because she got flustered by him when he was flirting with her during and interview one time. Howard said he had heard that story before and he wanted the real story.
Howard asked Barbara if she was attracted to Fidel Castro. She said that he was a very charismatic person but she wouldn't have made love to him. She said she doesn't make love to anyone she interviews. She just wanted to get in a plug but Howard asked her about Richard Pryor and she said that she knew this was a mistake to call into the show.
Howard asked Barbara about something that Rosie O'Donnell had said about her recently. She wrote about her in a book and wrote some negative things. Barbara wasn't letting on if she was upset about it but she did say that she didn't know why Rosie bad mouthed her the way she did in the book. She said that she didn't want to say anything on the air about her and get into that whole thing. She said that Rosie did help them out on the show but they weren't floundering before she came on and they're doing just fine now.
Howard tried to get more out of Barbara but she told him over and over that she didn't want to do this. He asked her what she was wearing after she said that. She described the very unsexy outfit she was wearing and said she was wearing four nightgowns underneath it.
Howard and Robin asked Barbara about some of the stuff that went on with Donald Trump and Rosie. She said that she didn't want to get involved in that but she had to when Rosie said something about him that wasn't true. The ABC legal department made her to that.
Barbara turned it around on Howard and asked him about the Page Six story about him saying that he was getting cold feet. Howard said that story wasn't true and tried to ask her some more questions. She said that she had to get going. Howard gave her a plug for her live show that airs every Monday night at 6pm on SIRIUS Stars 102. Howard said he might call in and ask her more about her sex life. She hung up a short time later as Howard was still trying to get more stuff out of her.
Artie said he loves that generation because she thought that bathrobe story was interesting. Howard had to wrap up and take a break a short time after that. He had a bunch of stuff to play and to talk about.
Robin said that she spoke to Sebastian Bach recently and he's able to listen to the show all day long now. Howard said hello to Sebastian and reminded everyone that he had once tied his penis into a knot on the show. Artie said he was on a flight with him one time. He said that they were in first class and having a party that day.
Howard played the clip where Eric called into this Bridget and Wednesday Show. Eric said that he was just calling in to say hello and to say that he wishes that he show was even longer. He said he likes watching their show every week and wishes that it was on a different network that allowed it to be uncensored.
Robin said that this was a riot. Howard said it was entertaining because it was like the quiet nerd finally got to talk to the cheerleader in high school. He said that when you tell those girls that you're into their DVDs, it's not cool. He tried to tell Eric that but he doesn't listen.
Howard played more of Eric's call and the host sounded like she was really into his call and what he was saying. She asked him what his favorite episode was and laughed at everything she said to him. She eventually said she had to move on. He told them that he was trying to get into one of the girls' Myspace page. Eric wouldn't give up though and kept talking about the Myspace stuff.
Howard said that those girls couldn't have cared less about what he had to say. Howard took a call from a guy who said that you could hear the disgust in the host's voice when Eric called in. The caller suggested they use Eric as an atom bomb for other shows they want to destroy. Howard told everyone that if they want to check out the Playboy channel, they're on SIRIUS 198.
Howard asked Joan about how she's been kicked to the curb with this red carpet stuff these days. She was fired by E! and for the TV Guide channel. Joan just gave a ''fuck them all'' and said she really doesn't care. Howard read that Carrie Underwood wouldn't even come over to her when she was doing her interviews for an internet web site. Joan said she doesn't mind stuff like that, she knows that these people have about 6 minutes left in their fame so she doesn't give it a second thought.
Howard asked Joan about the ratings she had on E!. She said that they were huge but they didn't pay very well so she moved to the TV Guide Channel. Howard asked her what went wrong. Joan said she really doesn't know. She said she gave them their highest ratings ever but they let them go anyway. She said that they let them go and that was it. She said that there was never anyone there from TV Guide so she never met with anyone or anything like that.
Joan said that she and Melissa did this thing with VH-1 where they were doing everything possible on the internet. She said that she was allowed to say everything she wanted to say on that internet broadcast. She said she was saying stuff that she couldn't say on TV. She was allowed to call people fat pigs if she wanted. She talked about some of the people at the Emmys and what she thought. She said that Sally Field was boring making that speech she made.
Howard said that the Emmys were in the round this year and it was ridiculous that they did that to the audience there. He said that if he were in that crowd, he would have been pissed off. Joan said that she thinks that FOX was pushing their stars on the show too much. Joan said she wasn't on the red carpet this year, she just got to blog and do her thing while watching the coverage.
Howard asked Joan to talk about this story about throwing Phil Spector out of two of her parties because he had guns with him. She said that she thinks that he could be guilty of that woman's death. She said that her friend Dorothy actually testified at the trial for him. She used to talk to her more than she does now. Joan said that Dorothy is into the Kuballah stuff now so she doesn't get to talk to her much. Joan said that she was called to testify but she turned it down. She avoided the phone calls and didn't want to be part of it. She said that she witnessed him pulling guns on people but she didn't want to be part of the whole thing.
Joan said that Phil once pulled a gun on Walter Cronkite's daughter. Howard wondered what she said to him that made him pull a gun on her. Joan said she wasn't sure but she had to have him kicked out of her party because of it. The jury hasn't been able to come up with an answer yet and she thinks that they're just stupid.
Howard asked why Phil pulled a gun on Dorothy. She said she wasn't sure about it but he may have been drunk at the time. She said that she thinks he's going to get off on the charges he has against him now.
Howard said that he has tremendous respect for Joan and he thinks that Carrie Underwood should have spoken to her. Howard gave Joan another plug for this web site where you can see the Emmy coverage. Joan said she went out and did a bunch of interviews out on the street and stuff like that as well. He asked her who she came down on in her blog. She said it was everyone and it was like if she and Howard were just sitting around watching the show together.
Howard gave Joan another plug for an appearance she's making at The Cuttin Room (TheCuttingRoomNYC.com) and asked her about the people she's worked with like Davie Brenner. She said she's not in touch with him anymore and she thinks that's kind of sad. Howard was about to go to break but he took a phone call from a guy who said that Joan has already been very funny. Then he asked her what Jesus was like as a kid since she was probably alive back then. Mariann from Brooklyn also called in quickly to tell Joan how great she is and how awful the Emmy coverage is without her. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he watched the Emmys last night and the idea of doing them in the round was foolish. He said that they're trying to reinvent that whole thing and it just doesn't work. He went on to say that the E! network coverage of the red carpet is awful. He said he wanted to see what Tom Selleck's daughter looked like and their camera was so far away that he couldn't see anything.
Howard said that Ellen Degeneres and Portia DeRossi showed up and they did okay going over their outfits. He said you know for sure who wears the strap-on in that relationship. He said that Ellen was wearing man pants and Robin said she looked a lot like Owen Wilson. Howard said that he Portia DeRossi is ultra femme and Ellen is like a dude. He imagines that Ellen attaches a rubber penis to herself to get Portia off. He said that they probably make out and rub each other's titties. He went through a whole scenario where Ellen is using a strap-on with Portia doggy style. He said that it's probably mostly doggy style too, with a little missionary thrown in there. He said Ellen probably pretends to cum like a man about 10 minutes in.
Howard said he had some clips from the Emmy Awards but he wasn't sure if anyone wanted to hear them. Artie said he missed them because there were some great games on last night. He told Howard about some of the games and that led to them talking about the controversy that's going on with the New England Patriots right now. Artie talked about what he knew about the case and then Gary came in to give some more details. They went over that and talked about how this kind of cheating may have been going on for many years.
Howard took a call from a guy up in Boston who thinks this is all bullshit. Another guy changed subjects and said that playing those audio clips for Tabitha's mom was wrong. He said that should have been for an It's Just Wrong game instead. Howard said he just wanted to test her mom out to see if she knows her daughter and that's the way he did it.
Artie said he didn't see the JD thing but he did get confirmation from Teddy that JD got a number. JD said that the girl told him that she comes to New York sometimes so that's how he might be able to hook up with her. He said that she's a fan of the show so she knows about him. Howard figured she must have been bowled over by his personality.
Artie said he had the best feeling he's ever had at a gig before. He said he was getting off stage and the crowd was asking him to sing the Anne Murray song that he sang on the show one time. He said that he now knows what a singer feels like when they perform because the cheers he got after that were amazing.
JD said that there are a lot of hot girls who get backstage passes after the show but they usually have boyfriends with them. Howard took another call from a guy who asked Artie about when he was leaving and how the limo was getting attacked. Artie said the whole limo was shaking and he wanted to open a window to let the fans shake his hand but the driver wouldn't let him do it because he was so paranoid.
A caller gave Howard some advice on his chess game and the opening moves he uses. Howard said he likes the Scotch opening and that's what he will continue to use. The caller was rated a little higher than him so he praised him for that but he's sticking with that move.
Howard said the contest is sponsored by TheBestPorn.com.
Howard had Big Foot on the phone. He was in a hotel room with Tabitha and she was blowing him as he spoke. They were filming for this thing that Tabitha is doing for her web site. Big Foot said that she had been going on him for about 10 minutes already. Tabitha got on the phone for a few seconds and told Howard that it was going on for about 10 minutes. She said she's going to get back to work and got off the line. She had to do him while he was wearing a condom since he hadn't been tested.
Big Foot asked if he wanted him to finish while he was on the phone. Howard told him to give it a try. He said he'd see what he could do and asked Tabitha to tickle his balls a little bit. Howard asked Tabitha if she could suck him while she was talking to him. She tried to do that and had Big Foot in her mouth while she was talking.
Howard asked her if she's going to go home and use tons of mouthwash. She said she will but this is just work for her. Howard told Big Foot to have her just use her hand with no condom. She agreed to do that so Howard had her get back on the line.
Big Foot told her that felt good and told her to ''work that'' and started moaning. Howard listened in as Tabitha was doing her work and Big Foot was moaning. Howard said Big Foot sounded kind of like Darth Vader with the heavy breathing. Howard let them go for a few more seconds but wanted him to finish already. Big Foot said he was trying. Howard said he felt like it was going to happen so that's why he was hanging in with it. He told Big Foot to have her talk dirty to him. He got her back on the line and told her to talk dirty to him and get close to him.
Tabitha got back to work and spit on him and then started talking dirty to him. Big Foot started breathing heavy again. Howard and the guys laughed as he was getting it done. Tabitha wasn't saying much of anything so Howard started talking dirty to him instead. That wasn't working for Big Foot.
Isaac from Howard TV got on the phone and said he thinks that Big Foot is holding out on purpose. He said that she was working her ass off and Big Foot might be holding out so he can hang with her longer. Howard got Tabitha back on the phone and told her that it could last for days. He let her go and told her to call in tomorrow and let them know how long it took. As he was letting them go Big Foot was saying that he has 9 and a half inches so Howard asked Tabitha if that was true. She said that it probably was about 9.
Howard told Robin to imagine that being her job, jerking off Big Foot. Howard said they might have to bribe Big Foot to finish up faster.
Howard played the clip of Dave reading a Top 10 List where Richard had thrown in words that he wasn't able to read. Howard said they told Dave that they have catch phrases on the show so that's what he was reading. Dave tried to do them but stumbled on each word.
Howard said that Bob Levy could be accused of being the same as Dave. He played a clip from the Miserable Men Show from last week. He had Bob saying that guys need to have women sign a ''wager'' instead of ''waiver'' when they have sex with them. Howard and the guys got a laugh out of that.
Howard played a clip from a church service clip that they got where this guy is singing Amazing Grace but forgets the words. Howard said that one goes on for a good 2 minutes. The guy was supposed to be honoring the dead but he was just awful.
Howard was reminded of some of the old clips from when he was a kid while playing that ''Amazing Grace'' stuff. Fred dug up some of those old clips and played Howard singing a bunch of songs when he was a little kid. That clip went on and on so Howard cut it off. Fred said it was the long version. one of the people singing on the clip was his aunt who had passed away way too young. He said that she was a great person too. He said that she got hepatitis and died around 40. He said that it was his mother's sister and she took it pretty hard.
Artie said that he's right near the age that his father was when he fell and broke his neck. Howard told him that he really needs to go to therapy for that.
Howard got Big Foot back on the phone because he still wasn't finished. Big Foot said that Tabitha was ready to give up. He said they might have too many cameras in the room for his thing to squirt off. He thought he could perform in front of them but he can't get it done. Howard told him that at least he gave it a try. He figured that Tabitha will have it up on her web site anyway.
Howard got back to the Amazing Grace clip and said it reminds him of his own singing. He played some more of the clip and then some of Big Foot trying to sing an Eagles song. Big Foot sounded very similar to that guy. He had him singing a Bon Jovi song too and it was very similar to the Amazing Grace guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Big Foot breathing thing was really disturbing. He was also the guy that hosted the comedy show out in Detroit so he thanked Artie for that. Howard quickly moved on to some other calls and let a few people comment on the stuff that they've been doing today. One guy said that the Evil Dave and Big Foot stuff was great today.
Howard replayed the Evil Dave Top 5 list that he'd just played. That led to Artie requesting a bit that Dave did for them one time. He asked for the PSA he did for the blacks. Fred dug that one up and played it for Artie who was laughing his ass off when he heard it. Fred played a couple of those phony PSA bits and had Artie rolling.
Steve said that Artie is still saying that he and Dana could possibly get back together some day. Artie told them that they're both still single so he might be able to get her back. Artie said that he has to prove to her that he can stay straight. He tried explaining it but he was having some trouble giving a good answer. Artie said that it's been a while since he last spoke to her though.
Artie said he hit a wall with the therapy thing and he's not sure what else he could do there. He's gone to a couple of sessions and he doesn't want to go back for more. Artie also said that he's not even positive if Dana is still single. He said that as far as he knows she is.
Howard asked Artie if Dana knows that he's shot up over 300 pounds. He figures that she's heard. He said he really feels like he blew it and he knows that it might not happen again. Steve quickly mentioned that Double A has a show tonight on Howard 101 at 7.
High Pitch Eric is going to be on the Double A show so he called in quickly and said it was great to see them this morning. He went off on Richard Johnson for a few seconds but Howard told him he doesn't dislike Richard, he thinks that Richard doesn't like him for some reason. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard had Jon Hein come in and give his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the stuff that went on today that they'll be covering on the show today. They'll talk about the Tabitha Stevens thing and about many of the other guests and stuff that went on today.
Howard put the word out to Dana that Artie really is a good guy and he's changed. He said that Artie was reading a book about how to bet on the NFL today. He said that he's sure she'd see that he's getting better if she saw him reading that book.
Jon got back to his show rundown and gave a few more of the subjects that they'd be covering. He mentioned the Joan Rivers interview and Howard's call to Beth early this morning. That got Howard back on that subject and talking about how Richard still hadn't called back yet. He said he will say something to Richard when he sees him. He then played a clip from a news show where the reporters were talking about that article that Richard Johnson wrote. That came from the CW 11 News. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that there's a lot to learn in chess and if you don't start early enough, you may never learn. He said that he imagines that in 3 years he will have had enough of radio and he'll get out of the business. He said that if the merger goes through and satellite takes off big, he'll think that they were pioneers in the business.
Howard said he's going to sit down and discuss with the people on the show if they should keep the show going. He said that everyone will be involved in that discussion, even Benjy.
Howard said he thinks that he could do another 5 years on radio and give people what they want. He said that he'd like to get something out of his life when he leaves. He said that right now he likes doing radio now but by the time the contract is up, in about 3 years, he might have his fill. He said he'll be 57 at that point and it'll be enough by that point.
Howard said that maybe if his fans would accept it, he could just drop by once in a while. Robin said that doesn't work and it won't work for him. He said that maybe if he does retire, he'll find that he doesn't like it. He said that he might get on the phone and talk to the guys instead if they don't do the radio show. Artie said that he thinks that Howard should see what life would be like if he didn't go to bed at 9 o'clock and not get up at 4 in the morning. Howard said that's what he wants to find out.
Howard said he can't wait to get out of the business and then hire some people to take care of him. He said it'll be like being a 5 year old again. He went on to talk about how his father was a workaholic right up until he retired. He said his father never missed working after he did retire. Howard said that sounds fabulous to him and he might enjoy being retired.
Howard said that he was laying in bed the other night and a movie popped into his head. He said he thought about making this movie which would be a take on Tarzan. He said he saw the whole movie and all he'd have to do is write it down. He said that he'd never be bored even if he was retired. He said that they're going to be there for many years so the caller shouldn't worry about it right now.
Howard let the caller go and said he wanted to get out of there by 10:30 and it was already 10:35. Robin asked him how he's going to retire if he can't even get out on time one day. He had her start her news right after that.
Bobo called in during the news and said that he got suckered into watching the Joey Boots gay kiss on Howard TV. He said that he also watched Bam Margera and his wife. He said that Bam's wife is really hot and he's very attracted to her.
Howard said that he had to apologize to Robbie Robertson's daughter for the stuff he said about him last week. He said that he was always a big fan of Robbie's but his daughter sent him a note about what he said. He read her letter where she addressed what Howard said about him. She said that her father has no hard feelings toward Howard. Howard said that he was a big fan of Robbie and The Big Band. He played some of their stuff and then had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his Levon Helm impression. Sour Shoes did his thing and then everyone sang along with him for a short time. Sour Shoes then did an impression of their old K-Rock engineer Richie Herbie. He also did some Jackie impressions before Howard hung up on him and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin got back into the OJ Simpson story and had Howard play some clips from the Goldman family. That led to Artie talking about how Larry King ended up calling Nicole's sister ''Nicole'' during an interview. He said that he did it more than once too.
Robin did some Emmy coverage and had Howard play a few clips from that show. The guys spent some time talking about Ryan Seacrest hosting and about some of the performances and acceptance speeches. They talked about Christina Aguilera's performance so Ralph called in a short time later and said he saw that she needs to shave her arms. He said it was a shock, especially when he saw it on his 62 inch TV. Howard let him go and had Robin finish up her news.
Robin finished up and Howard played a new voice mail message from Crazy Alice. She left a message saying that she's angry with Robin. She said that Robin is being foolish about some things and she's tired of rich people. Robin apologized for having a good life. Howard wrapped up after that and ended the show around 11:15am.
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Howard started off the show asking JD if he had pulled a clip from the Tonight Show. He mentioned he had a lot of stuff coming up today too. He said he was listening to the Wack Pack Show that aired last night. He was out at some meetings last night and he's trying to figure some stuff out. He's trying to figure out his TV situation at home. He said he hates having meetings because he just wants to play chess at home.
Howard read an article about the people who play chess out on the street in the city. He said that they write that you can't have a girlfriend when you do that. That led to Howard playing some clips from the Wack Pack Show where Double A is talking about how he could probably get Beth himself. He was talking about how he'd like to be able to take Beth from Howard and it put a dagger in his heart because he thought that he might have a shot at her. Double A said he would never play chess if he had Beth. He's not even sure what chess is. He said he'd create a game around Beth and not leave her out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Wack Pack Show was horrible last night. He said that Double A wasn't well thought out and he had a gold mine of a guest with Tabitha Stevens being there. He told him not to waste his time with Double A anymore. Howard didn't hear it last night so he wasn't sure how it was.
Howard played some more clips from Double A's Wack Pack show where he was asking Tabitha Stevens about her segment on Howard's show. Tabitha talked about what he had done with her and her mother and how she lost all of her balls after hearing herself being played back in those clips. High Pitch Eric then asked her a question and everyone laughed when they heard his voice. Robin said it should be the High Pitch Eric show, she just decided.
Howard said that some people were asking him if Big Foot blew his load yesterday. He never did finish with Tabitha. They talked about that for a short time and mentioned some of the goofy stuff that Big Foot was talking about during the show yesterday.
Howard said the Wack Pack show sounded okay to him so far. He played another clip where Double A asked Angry Black about his opinions on the OJ Simpson case. Angry gave his thoughts on OJ and on Michael Vick. He was throwing the N-word around quite a bit while he was talking about those two. Angry said that OJ shouldn't have taken the law into his own hands the way he did. Double A then threw out the N-word after pausing on the N for a second. Artie said that still sounded offensive even after Double A said ''With all due respect'' before throwing that word out there.
Howard said he might like this Wack Pack Show. He played some more clips where the guys were talking about the show going on the road out to Vegas or something like that. Double A was going to say something about going out on the road but then said that he'd love to see a Top 10 list done on Letterman with the Wack Pack members. Howard said he kind of thought that was a good idea and he would do that.
The guys were throwing out the names of the Wack Packers that he'd have on Letterman and they said that Evil Dave would have to be number one. That led to Howard playing the Top 5 list that Richard had Evil Dave reading the other day where they gave him fake words to say that were just various letters typed on the paper. Howard played that and got Artie laughing his ass off. He did an impression of Dave reading those words and laughed even harder. Howard played more of the clip and Artie continued to laugh.
Artie said he's been working on an Evil Dave impression. He had Howard ask him a question and then threw out that ''HAH?'' comment that Dave is always making. Howard went to the phones and took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said he loved Double A last night on the Wack Pack Show. He said he thought it was a great show. Howard said that's probably because he's a Wack Packer himself.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he only made it through 22 minutes of the Wack Pack Show last night. He called Double A a ''mini Mutt.'' Howard said that Double A also gets dry mouth so that was a problem as well. He said he was liking what he heard so far though.
Howard played more of the Wack Pack Show where Double A and the guys are talking about going out on the road and doing shows. Double A said that he loves interacting with the fans like they're doing on that show. Artie goofed on Double A's voice a little bit when that clip was done. Howard thought about taping the show in advance and then play it back at fast speed so it was over in 1 minute.
Howard played some more clips where Double A was talking about creating action figures based on the Wack Pack or even having a cartoon based on them. Howard said he was actually talking about having a show on Howard TV where the Jackie Puppet would be doing different missions and stuff. He said it's in the early stages of development though. He said that the Jackie Puppet is in rehab right now getting fixed after getting beat up pretty good while he was in storage. He said he'll be ready for the TV show eventually. Howard said maybe they can get Double A in that show.
Howard played another clip where a woman said she thinks that OJ is innocent. She didn't understand how he could have stolen his own shit either. Howard said he knew that this is what was going to happen with that case. He said when he was in school in Roosevelt he'd try to argue with the kids who were stealing his stuff and there was no way to talk to the kids because there was no talking sense to them. Robin said that there are a lot of people who live in the ''stupid world'' where they have stupid rules. Gary said he knows what that's like because he grew up near where Howard went to school and it was the same for him.
Robin told a story about Howard's old producer Boy Lee who came close to a black guy's face when he slipped and fell toward him. The guy kept telling Lee to get his hand out of his face even though he was nowhere near him anymore. The guy just kept telling him to get out of his face but Lee wasn't getting out of his way fast enough.
Artie said that he had a kid in his class who would tell his teacher she had something on her face and then he'd tell her that it was ugly and it wouldn't come off. Artie would laugh and then he'd get sent to the principal's office because the teacher was afraid of the kid who was goofing on her.
Howard played more of the Sal interviews where the people were telling him about OJ's innocence. Sal asked one woman who said she's sick of OJ's shenanigans and said that this is what OJ gets for marrying a white woman. He said that black men need to leave white women alone. She stopped the interview right there saying ''no more questions.''
Howard said he wants to interview the woman that's dating OJ right now. He wants to know what makes her different than Nicole. Robin said that she saw an interview with one of OJ's friends where the guy said that he can't be friends with him since that book of OJ's came out.
King of All Blacks called in and said that he thinks that Angry Black tries too hard with the N-word when he says it. He also goofed on him about the car he was driving, saying that it's an old BMW. He goofed on the guy and said that he's like a spy or something. He said he owns the whitest shirt you've ever seen and he has to really try hard to be black.
The guys said that King of All Blacks really tries hard to be black. Robin said that he's a middle class kid who tries really hard to be ghetto. King said that Howard has to have both of them in and see who the real ghetto is. Fred said that King is like Colt 40 Feinberg, he's just acting. King said that's not true. Fred said that no real black guy is going to talk about Moen faucets like King does.
Angry Black called in and asked why King has to throw him under the bus. King goofed on his delivery and said that he's not black. Angry told King that he has two BMWs, he has a 2000 and a 2007. King said that was bullshit and he only has the 2000. He goofed on Angry about that and yelled at him while Angry tried to explain himself calmly.
King and Angry were going back and forth but Howard wanted to get out of the whole thing. He didn't understand why the BMW was bad for Angry. He said that not everyone has the money to buy a new car. King didn't believe that Angry had the new one that he claimed he did.
Howard hung up on those two and said he can't take it when they yell over each other like that, it drives him insane.
Howard said that CBS-FM was changed from oldies to another format and that was a big mistake. He said they were making good money and they ruined it by changing formats. They were generating a lot of money with that station and they destroyed it. Then they changed formats on all of the stations he was on. They were going to replace him with imitators and put them on all day long. He said it was a disrespect for what he does when they do something like that. He said they had no respect for what he did.
Howard said they were saying that it's not so hard to do what he does. They hired David Lee Roth, Penn Jillette, Opie and Anthony and more. He said the fact of the matter is that it was pretty wild to do something like that just because he was leaving. Howard said that the company then took out ads saying ''Even fart jokes get old after 20 years.'' He said he keeps that ad hanging in his office to remind him to keep the eye of the tiger. He said that they were trying to imply that they got rid of him. Howard left, he didn't get fired.
Howard said that all of the stations changed format to talk. He said that WYSP was music all day after he was on in the morning. They changed that and turned it all talk and the station took a nose dive. David Lee Roth was on in the morning and the guy's show failed. Howard said they were ready to replaced Dave after one day.
The new management has come in now and they're ready to go back to the old ways of doing things. They're changing back to the old format and putting music back on the station and now the guy is a hero for doing that. They wasted many millions of dollars doing that though. Howard said a lot of stations have gone back to the old format now.
The caller asked Howard if Bubba is going to be leaving SIRIUS next year. Howard said that Bubba is his man and he loves the guys on that show. They're hard workers and they deserve to be there and to be paid well. He said he has been asked this question before about replacing Bubba if he leaves. Howard said that Bubba is doing a good job and a lot of the fans like him. He said he thinks that the business needs professionals, not people like David Lee Roth.
Howard went on to say that he thinks that Bubba should have a place there at Howard 101 but it's up to management to come up with the money or to change things. He said he hopes that they come together and keep Bubba around. He said he's very appreciative of what Bubba is doing and what he's done so far. He said he didn't hire the guy himself, SIRIUS did, but he would like to see him stay on there. He was just asked if he wanted Bubba on his channel there and he said he did.
Artie said that he'd be really sad to see Bubba go because his show is so good. He said that Bubba is very loyal too. He said he's a loyal soldier in this whole thing. Howard said that he sent Brent a note last night about what's going on. He said this stuff is real and Bubba has to make some decisions. He said he'd like to see them do well there. He hopes that things work out for them.
Howard said that he's sure that they do have to pay these guys a decent amount of money to keep them around. He's not sure what Bubba's other options are though. He may have something out there that's going to work better for him, who knows.
Howard said that he likes to have these novelty shows like the Barbara Walters show but they really need to have professionals there every day that can build brand loyalty. Bubba is good in that way. Artie said that it's similar to the way Leno and Letterman are. Letterman is a professional broadcaster and his show paces better than Leno's does.
The caller asked Howard if this stuff that gets printed is something he could sue over. Howard said there are not really any damages done with those stories and it's just a nuisance. He said if he runs into Richard when he's out, he's going to say something to him about this stuff. He said he might have some stuff on Richard and he's been protecting him on that stuff. He doesn't want to bring that stuff up on the air though.
Howard said he was with Beth last night and even she was saying that the stuff in the paper had her wondering. Howard said that Richard knows that his name sells newspapers so that might be why he puts stuff like that in his column. Artie said he probably sold a bunch of papers because he was bitching about that stuff yesterday.
The caller said that he saw a list of the people who were at the Tom Petty concert that Howard went to and he was left off the list in this one paper. He said he doesn't get why some papers will go after him like Richard does and others just ignore him. Howard said he's not looking for any publicity anyway.
Howard talked about running into Jann Wenner over the summer and how that guy seems to have something against him too. He said he thinks he deserves an apology about the stuff they've written about him in Rolling Stone magazine. He said he's still a fan of the magazine even though they constantly give great reviews of Yoko Ono's albums and stuff like that. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard went through the Top 5 going backwards. He played a song from Akon, another one from Timbaland, Fergie, Kanye West and the song that Fred was playing. He also threw in ''Artie Loves the Vending Machine.'' He said that was written about 50 pounds ago too.
Artie said he played the tape that the guy from SaveBabyGorilla.com did as a spoof of that Britney Spears YouTube guy. He said it killed at the show out in Detroit when he played it.
Rita brought up her book ''Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death'' so Howard got into that. He asked her about the stuff she's written about Anna Nicole. She had a lot to say about that. She was talking about how she had 1800 pills prescribed to her in the 5 weeks before her death among other things. She said that the pills may have been prescribed by just one doctor too. She said that it could have been a friendship that blinded the guy from common sense.
Howard asked Rita about the book and how she was able to print the stuff that she did about Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern. She said that they're going to go through with it and if those two want to sue, a lot of interesting stuff should come out about them.
Howard said it seems that Rita is saying that she has a witness who saw Larry and Howard K. Stern doing gay stuff together and Anna Nicole used to watch. He said he'd be afraid of printing something like that if he hadn't seen the tape himself. He said that guys tend to be touchy about that stuff.
Rita said that Larry Birkhead claims that he's not gay but the National Enquirer had a story about him having a gay thing and when he threatened to sue, the other guy took a lie detector test and Larry hasn't sued yet. Rita told Howard that her book is now a NY Times best seller as of a couple of days ago.
Rita was all over the place and throwing out stories about Anna Nicole and her son Daniel who died shortly before Anna did. Rita said that someone claims that Daniel was afraid of Howard K. Stern and he was afraid that he was going to do something to him physically. A month later Daniel was dead in a hospital room and Howard K. Stern was the only one in the room.
Howard said that if Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead sue and win, they're going to get a lot of money out of this. Rita said that they're very confident about the stuff they've printed. She said that they're aware of what they have and they're not worried. She said that Larry and Howard must have made a private deal in this whole case and have become good friends all of a sudden.
Rita said that she has a story about Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern making a deal for the baby from a cop who witnessed them making the deal. She told Howard the story about that and filled them in on the details. She was going on and on about the things that they heard about this deal. Howard said his head was spinning and he wasn't sure if anyone even cares about those two guys. Rita claims that they have a story about Howard K. Stern performing oral on Larry Birkhead. Howard said that he'd hate to think that these stories aren't true and that they're being painted that way in the news. He said that he knows what fake news stories are like.
Rita said that they have a lot of documentation that's not even in the book that they can use to back this stuff up. Robin said she doesn't think that there will ever be a lawsuit over this. Howard gave Rita a plug for her web site RitaCosby.com and said that you can get her book through there. Rita said the book, ''Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death,'' is available everywhere. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later and let her go.
Howard said he had Rita on the show because he gets suspicious about these sources that he journalists have. He said that sometimes they're true but he's had stories come out about him that just aren't true at all. Howard said that Larry Birkhead hasn't done anything legally wrong in this whole thing and he doesn't know that he's actually done gay stuff with Howard K. Stern. He said he wonders about this book because they can't survive a lawsuit if that's what it comes down to. They don't make enough money on books to get sued like that.
Howard took a call from Jessica Hahn who said that a lot of this stuff had come out before the book came out. She said that Howard K. Stern was already going to be the executor of Anna Nicole's estate. She said that there were a lot of things there that were already out in the news and Rita didn't have anything new to report.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that there were some stories about Jessica out there when she was in the news. She was accused of being a prostitute and she never sued over that. Dominic said that just because Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead hugged doesn't mean that they're gay. They had a death and there's a baby involved in this case so they hugged. He didn't think that was a big deal. Dominic said that they could sue and have a book of their own some day. The guys said that they could have a lot of skeletons in their closet and that might be why they never sue. That doesn't mean that they're actually gay though.
Howard said he had the one picture that the person sent in of her big clitoris. He asked Robin if she wanted to look first. She saw it and said that it had to be a guy. Artie just laughed and said ''Holy shit!'' as he was checking it out. Howard showed a side shot and it was definitely a woman. Howard said this is going to be a big contest. He said that she might be a winner right there. He went to break after that.
Howard mentioned that Brad was on Everybody Loves Raymond and his current show ''Til Death'' is in its second season. Brad came in and told Howard that his little security guard was asking him what he was doing for Yom Kippur. He said that he wonders what that guy can do for security and said that Howard must be fearless if he has security like that. Howard said he hears that all the time about Ronnie.
Ronnie came in and said that Brad is out of his mind because he started in with him on the Jewish holiday stuff. Brad told Ronnie he was going to pick him up and open him if he didn't stop. He said that just because Brad played a cop on Raymond, doesn't mean that he's a tough guy. Ronnie and Brad went back and forth and then Ronnie said that his show is going to get canceled now because he went into The Black Cloud Diner (Scott's studio) so it can only mean bad luck for him.
Howard asked Ronnie about what he would do if someone like Brad attacked him. Ronnie said that just because he's tall doesn't mean he's tough. Howard said he wants to know what Ronnie is going to do if someone attacks. Ronnie said he's just going to run.
Howard said that Ronnie has such road rage. He was driving him home yesterday and ended up cutting a woman off when she cut him off. He had to get revenge on her and he had to cut her off. Ronnie said it wasn't road rage, he was just driving. Howard told Brad that Gary Busey attacked him in the studio one time and he had to take him down himself. Ronnie didn't come and help him. Brad couldn't believe he missed that and wondered why that stuff doesn't happen when he comes in.
Howard let Ronnie go and Brad goofed on his size again and told him to see if his suit comes in an adult size. Howard said that Brad must expect to see a big black guy in there protecting him. That's not happening though, he's got Ronnie in there instead.
Howard showed Brad the picture of the big clitoris that he showed the guys earlier. Brad said that woman might have him beat. Howard said he might be beat too. Howard asked Brad if he thinks that he's really out of his mind having Ronnie as security. Ronnie came back in and asked if that's the only material he has today. Brad said he wanted to wipe the floor with Ronnie and then told him to go back and check on the Smurfs.
Howard said that Brad has gotten into some scuffles with the paparazzi. He once popped a photographer when he was out one day. Brad said he had this guy giving him shit while he was out on a date for the first time in months. He said that the woman was foreign and not legal so he was having a great time. He said that she was extraordinary for him. She didn't know about all of this stuff that goes on and all of a sudden she was being photographed.
Brad said that she saw the photographers and ran to the car. He said she was hiding behind a Volvo while the photographers were snapping the pictures. Brad said he was called a racist and this guy with a turban on his head wouldn't get out of his way and it set him off. He couldn't get to his car. He said he didn't get sued or anything over that though.
Howard said he heard that Brad still goes on vacation with his ex-wife and kids. Brad said that they do that and his ex has a great man now and they all get along. Brad said his parents were divorced and he knows what that was like so he likes to go on vacation with the kids. He doesn't want the kids to think that their father is going to be replaced. Brad said that his ex's new man is a great guy and he's much better for her than he is. Howard said he's in a similar situation with his ex-wife who found a great guy. He said the guy is really nice and he'd hang with him even if he wasn't with his ex-wife.
Brad said that he walked into his old house one day and asked everyone to raise their hand if they were enjoying his old house. He said he really likes the other guy and if he didn't, then he'd have a problem. The other guy has been through divorce himself but he's an amazing dad.
Howard asked Brad how long he was married. Brad said it was 7 years. He asked him how long he waited after the divorce before he got laid. Brad said he would call what he had ''Gentle prison love'' and things may have gotten a little rough. He said that it may have been verbal abuse and he may have coerced her into having sex. He was joking around of course.
Howard said he saw Brad at the Emmy's and told Beth that he knew him when he saw him. Brad asked Howard if he's married Beth yet. He told him that he's not married yet but that's in the works. Brad told Howard that he really needs a woman with a brain and asked him if she does. Howard said she is smart and he loves her a lot. Robin said that no one there is all that smart. Howard told Brad that Beth speaks French so she's smart in that way.
Brad wondered if a guy like Howard could really love anyone. Howard wasn't sure. The Howard TV guys showed Brad a picture of Beth and Brad said he'd like to see a picture of her clitoris. He also asked Howard how old they are and found out that Beth is 34 and Howard is 53. Howard told the story about how they met and Robin tried getting in on that so Brad informed her that he was speaking to Howard.
Brad said that he's looking for a woman who is smart but he can't seem to find one that's not 80 pounds heavier than him. Howard gave Brad a plug for his show ''Til Death'' which airs tomorrow night on FOX. Howard said it's nice that he's able to step away from that whole ''Raymond'' thing and do his own show now.
Brad asked Howard what his secret is and how he got this Heidi chick. Howard said that women like him because he likes women. He said that he enjoys listening to women and enjoys the company of women. Brad told him he was full of shit. He wondered what kind of conversation he has with women and what the last conversation was. Howard said it was something like ''harder, faster...'' Howard said he really does like to listen to a woman talking. Brad didn't seem to believe that.
Howard asked Brad if Ray Romano said anything about getting back together when they were at the Emmys. Brad said that they weren't talking about that at all. They just did some dates at the Mirage together though. They did some comedy just for shits and giggles. Howard wondered what they do together. Brad said that they like to play poker together and things like that.
Artie said that he figures that they're getting about $50,000 and $100,000 a piece doing shows out in Vegas. Brad said that estimate is low. He said it really doesn't matter at this point. He and Ray just split the money 50/50. Howard wanted to know what kind of money he's really making doing those gigs. Brad said that he's not going to say exactly.
Brad asked Howard if he's had a vasectomy and if he's going to have kids. Howard said that he's not going to have any more kids. Brad said that there's no way he's not going to have a kid after the marriage. That led to Howard talking about how he likes wearing a rubber because it slows him down when he's having sex.
Brad said that he once had an orgasm so fast that he actually time traveled. Howard told Brad that he was once with a girl who was stunning. They went back to her place and she told him to stay when he was about to leave. She stripped down for him and he stuck around. He got in one stroke and he was done. He said that he needed a few minutes to go again. A few minutes later he was ready to go and he hit two strokes and he was done. He was humiliated that night.
Brad said that he takes Viagra and that stuff helps you hold out longer. Howard said that Brad must be with women but Brad said he doesn't get a lot of chicks. Brad told Howard that he had a vasectomy even though he's the biggest baby when it comes to medical procedures. Brad said that his doctor told him who to go to and he wasn't even put out to have this thing done. He said he had some shots in the balls and it didn't even hurt that much. The guy did it in a way that wasn't so bad. He made it to work the next day no problem. Bread told Howard he should go to that guy. He said that the doctor has seen his penis so Howard's penis should look fine to the guy.
Howard asked Brad about his load consistency. Brad talked about that and said that it's not very consistent. Howard asked him if he can still drop a load on a woman's face or stomach. He didn't answer that directly, he was joking around about all of that stuff.
Artie told Howard he thinks that Brad and Ray were getting $75,000 each out in Vegas. Brad said he wouldn't get out of bed for that. Brad said that Artie is as low as his 8th chin. He said he's not even close with the estimates he was giving on that and the kind of money they were making on Raymond. Artie suggested that he and Brad do the Borgata together. Brad wasn't aware that he even had an act.
Artie joked around with Brad about doing the Borgata. Howard said that he wouldn't stop him from working with him. Brad said that he's not going to be doing that. Howard gave Brad some more plugs for his show and then wrapped up and went to break.
Howard said he had Chevy Chase and his wife Jayni on the phone. He put Chevy on the line and Chevy did an impression of himself asking if anyone could hear him like he did years ago when Howard called him at home. Howard said that he thought that they had patched things up recently when they saw each other out at a party. Chevy didn't think they needed to patch up anything and that they just talked nicely that night.
Howard said that when he and Chevy were talking, Lorne Michaels was staring at them like he was seeing this great meeting of two people. He wondered why Chevy didn't talk to Lorne there that night. Chevy said that he doesn't have a problem with him or anything.
Howard and Chevy talked about the party, John Bon Jovi's party, where they got to see some great performances from some great musicians. Howard said that he and Jayni hadn't spoken since the time he called their house. He asked Jayni if she found him charming like he thinks he is. Chevy said that she did find him charming and she wants him deeply.
Jayni said that she found him to be a nice guy that night. He went on to give them a plug for their web site and charity. They have a tour of the studio to auction off on this web site CharityBuzz.com. Robin asked what the charity is for. Chevy said that it goes right into his pocket. He said they have a weekend in Vegas with OJ to auction off too. He was joking of course and got a laugh out of Howard. Howard spent a minute on that subject and then said that he's going to bid on the Cameron Diaz thing they have to auction off.
Chevy said that Cameron is a sweet girl and he's sure that Howard would be fine hanging out with her off the air. He said that the environment is going to pot and that's what the charity is all about. Howard said that he's very intrigued with the Cameron Diaz thing. He said they have other celebrities like Bill Clinton that you can get a dinner with if your bid is high enough.
Chevy said that the day on the set with Cameron is something that a person can win and they get to sit around the set with her while she works. Artie asked how much it would cost to bang her. Chevy told him he'd probably have to use his Visa to pay for that. Howard said that this is all for a very good cause.
Howard asked Chevy and Jayni how their marriage is going. Chevy said it's tough to find someone like this and things are going very well for them. Howard then found out that Chevy had been married two other times. They spent a few minutes talking about that and how that all went down. Chevy shared some of the stories about that and working on Saturday Night Live. He said he regrets not staying on the show longer than he did. He said that John Belushi was a little jealous that he'd left and got some movies and stuff. John wasn't the break out star right away. Chevy said that John did become a big star but he abused himself a little too much.
Howard asked Chevy how he met Jayni. He said he was working on ''Under the Rainbow'' when he met her. He said that she was working in production and he met her there. That was the movie where they had a bunch of little people and Jayni said that she was the only one there that wasn't on drugs.
Chevy said that he went out on a couple of dates with Jayni when they met and things worked out. She said that Chevy had invited her out to the premiere of a movie. She told that story and Howard asked her if she put out that first night. Chevy jokingly said it took about 5 hours or so.
Howard asked Chevy if he made love to Cheryl Tiegs. Chevy said he never even met her. Howard asked if Chevy got his share of famous women before he got married. Chevy said he may have. Howard asked Jayni if he gave her a list of names. She said she wouldn't have been impressed if he had. Chevy said that he doesn't really talk about that stuff with her. Howard said that it sounds like things are going pretty well with them. Chevy said that they really do love each other a lot.
Howard told Chevy and Jayni that they should come in sometime live so he can talk to them. Howard said that the bidding on these auctions close on Thursday of this week. Howard gave them another plug and let them go. Howard said that no one would have ever predicted that they'd be on speaking terms.
Howard said that Artie worked with Chevy on Dirty Work but he forgot to ask about it. Artie said that he and Chevy shot pool for about an hour one night up in Toronto. He said that they were talking for about 3 hours together that night. Artie said that they cut out a lot of his stuff from Dirty Work and it was very funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to know how Howard reconciled with Chevy. Howard said that Chevy called them recently. He went back a few years and told the story about how Chevy had called back in the days when Stuttering John was goofing on him. He said that Chevy had called Gary one time and warned him that there was a story coming out about him that he might want to know about. That story never came out but he appreciated that Chevy did that for him. He said he was out in California one time and Chevy was there so they had a nice discussion and made up for all of the bad blood they had between them. He said he was a big fan of his and he's glad that he worked things out. They dropped the whole Chevy thing and things have gotten better over the years.
Howard said he went to this party that John Bon Jovi had an he ran into Chevy and Jayni there. He said he was watching them come in and he figured they were going to leave or confront him. Then they came over and they ended up talking. Jayni didn't come over right away but she did eventually. He said that they talked about the feud they had and they made up. He said that Jayni made it easy and they worked things out.
Howard said his feuds blow over eventually. He and John Bon Jovi had a feud years ago and now he's going to these big parties of his. Howard said that this whole charity thing came out of that and now he's offered the chance to come in and visit the studio for their charity.
Artie figured that the big feud had happened way back in July of 1988. He said he remembered that because he had gone on vacation with his friends back then and when they came home, his one friend told him about the big news about the Chevy Chase feud that was going on. Howard said that it only took 20 years to get things back on track with Chevy. Howard had to go to break a short time later. He said he'll try to get Chevy in there sometime.
Pat said that the band isn't done, he's just gone out and done a solo project. Pat said he wrote some stuff for Tina Turner's new album and he worked on one song that was too good to give to her. He said he kept that one for himself. He said that his manager told him he was nuts for giving away his good stuff like that. That's how he ended up doing this solo album. Howard asked Pat if he ever got into the Tina Turner frame of mind and put on a wig. Pat joked that he had. Artie asked him if he let a guy beat him and stayed in an abusive relationship for a while. That got a laugh out of the band that was with Pat. Pat talked about how strange the song writing process is.
Howard asked Pat where his hot wife was this morning. Pat said she wasn't feeling right this morning so she stayed back at the hotel. He said he's not sure what she's got though. Pat told Howard that he's going to be very happy when he gets married because he's very happy right now. Howard told him that he's only been married a couple of months so he doesn't know yet.
Howard read that Pat's son is living with him now and the kid is 14 years old. Howard said it must be tough for that 14 year old to be around his hot wife. Howard asked if he ever has to tell his son that he can't beat off to his step-mother. He said he doesn't even want to bring that up with him. Robin asked if he thinks his son is even doing that stuff. Pat didn't answer that, everyone was goofing around about all of that so he didn't have a chance. Artie asked how old Amber is. Pat said she's 25 so Artie gave a ''holy shit'' and figured that kid must be tortured. Pat said his son has a new girlfriend every day so he's doing fine.
Artie said that his son might be better off being gay. That way he wouldn't be tortured like that. Pat said he thinks that he's a pretty cool father and asks him if he's okay. His son always tells him that he's not gay.
Pat said that if Amber wants to have a kid, he'd probably agree to it. He told her that he'd never move to Seattle, he's living there now, he said he'd never get married, he's married. He figures that if she ever wants to have a kid, he's going to have a kid. He said that he does anything she wants.
Howard was reading about Britney Spears and how she's being accused of walking around naked and taking drugs in front of her kids. Howard said that walking around naked isn't a bad thing. Robin said it's when you throw the drugs in there that it goes wrong.
Howard talked about seeing his mother's bush when he was a kid and what a trauma that was for him. He said he saw that popcorn bush down there and it was disgusting. Pat said that he finds Britney to be hot now and he'd like to see her come out from being an underdog and be a winner again.
Howard had Pat introduce the guys who Pat had with him today. He had Jerry Becker and Louis Moldanato who Howard spoke to a little bit. Howard even did a little Flamenco dancing when Louis played some music for him. Artie asked if Pat has a sea of musicians that he picks from when he goes to do this solo album. Pat said he worked with a guy and started to explain that when Howard interrupted and asked where Amber is.
Howard said that Pat has written some songs about his new wife and he never wrote songs like this when he was with his wife. Pat explained the song and said that it was about going out to find this woman who means so much to him. He and the guys then performed the song ''Her Eyes.''
Howard told the guys they did a great job on the song. He said that song was really good and wondered what Pat is going to do when his voice changes. Pat said he does worry about that. Howard told him it sounds like he really loves this girl. He also seems to be enjoying playing music with these guys. Pat said that they've been playing in clubs in the city this week because these guys actually like music that much. Howard said it sounds like he's enjoying this more than the guys in Train. Pat said that's not the case, they're just having fun.
Howard had Pat and the guys perform a Led Zeppelin song since he enjoys that so much. Pat sang ''Whole Lotta Love'' with the guys and did a great acoustic version of the song. Howard told them they did a great job with that and that song isn't an easy song to cover. He wondered if that's one of Pat's favorites. He said that they are one of his favorites. That led to the guys talking about Zeppelin getting back together.
Howard asked Pat if he and the guys could perform the Stevie wonder song ''Superstition.'' Pat was ready to go but Howard wanted to take some calls. He gave Pat some plugs for his album and for his web site PatMonahan.net. Then he took some phone calls from some fans who really liked what they were playing. The callers were saying that he was great. One caller asked if Pat stays in contact with his old band mates that he used to work with. Pat said that he really doesn't. He said he still stays in touch with the guys in Train, but not the bands he was in before that.
Howard had Pat and the guys perform their cover of ''Superstition'' after that. They did another great cover so Howard told them how good that was. Pat said he was on Howard's web site and saw how he was number 6 on the list of favorite songs on the show so he's trying to work his way up a bit. Artie joked that the number 5 song was Beetlejuice farting ''Hey Jude.'' There's no such thing of course.
Howard took some calls and let the fans kiss Pat's ass a little bit. One guy said he had some ''pre-cum'' coming out of his cock after hearing some of that stuff. Jeff the Drunk called in and said that it was stupendous and very, very good. Artie said that's coming from a guy with no ass so that was amazing. Howard said that the only thing wrong with this appearance is that Amber wasn't there. Pat said he gets a lot more respect with her on his side these days.
A caller told Howard that he saw Pat at a corporate event and they gave it their all there just like they'd do in a big concert. Ralph called in and asked Pat where that big gash on his chin came from. Pat said that was from a car accident he was in when he was young. He said he could probably get rid of the scar but he felt like such an asshole that he didn't. Pat said he could probably get it fixed now but he doesn't want to. Ralph told him he should though.
Howard gave Pat some more plugs and said that he's going to be performing with some people like Aretha Franklin at a big concert they're playing. He took a call from a guy who said that the best part of this interview was when he talked about the small clubs they play because that's the best way to connect to the audience. Howard said that you can find more about Pat's tour dates at PatMonahan.net. He wrapped up with them and went to a break after that.
Howard said that Miss Howard TV for October was there today. He had the guys show the picture of her to him and Artie went nuts over her. She came in a short time later and said that she's 20 years old. Howard figured she hadn't even slept with men yet. She said that she had only been with young boys so far. Robin asked Artie if he still wanted to go back to Dana after seeing this girl. Artie said that she passed on that already.
Howard said that this is Miss Howard TV and asked her what her name is. She said it's Stephanie Petruso. Artie perked up when he heard the Italian last name. She's from Scottsdale, Arizona. Howard asked her why she thinks so many American's can't identify the country on a map. She said it's probably because of the crappy education they have there.
Howard talked to Stephanie about what she's doing for a living. She said she's been doing some acting and stuff so Howard told her the next step is to sleep with Pauly Shore. Artie was talking about how hot the chicks are from Arizona. He shot his smash hit DVD ''It's the Whiskey Talkin'' out there in Tempe.
Howard asked Stephanie if she likes chicks. She said that she's not a fan of her own kind. She also revealed that she lost her virginity at 17, just 3 short years ago. Howard spent another minute with her and found out she has implants. Howard told her they look natural which she seemed to appreciate.
Artie thought about what he was doing 20 years ago. Howard told him he should just go out with her. Artie figured he could get a nice table if he took her to any diner in Jersey.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Carmen Electra and Joan Jett and how they've been seen out together around town lately. Howard said that there's a rumor that they're dating but that would drive him nuts if it was true. He said it's just crazy and he feels like he should be banging her himself. He said that Carmen had a hard time the last time she was there because of her Sybian ride the last time she was in. Her make up sponsor banned her from doing the show again for a year. He thinks the year ban on her is over by now but he's not sure.
Howard said that he had some audio of Carmen saying that she's just friends with Joan Jett. She was on Jimmy Kimmel talking about that. Howard played the clip and Carmen said that she worked on Joan's video and they became friends. She claims that they're just friends, there's no romantic stuff going on. Howard said that this was maddening and he thinks that they're licking each other's assholes and vaginas. He said that Joan probably straps on and rams into Carmen. Artie was singing some of Joan's songs and Fred started to play some jackhammer sound effects.
Steve got back to his thing and said that they've spoken to Dr. Keith Ablow and he thinks that Artie has hit a wall in the therapy thing. Howard said Dr. Ablow will be in there to counsel Sal and his wife soon. Artie said he might hijack him that day.
Steve said that Bob Levy was ranting about Baba Booey on Sunday night. He said that he was upset with dealing with Gary. Gary isn't so happy with that and he's said that dealing with him is like dealing with a Wack Packer. Howard said he's going to hold off on that feud until Bob comes in there.
Steve said that they have a story about Henry Hill opening a new restaurant. That led to Artie doing his Henry impression for a few seconds. Steve said that Henry isn't involved in the day to day operations but the recipes are from his cook book. Steve said that High Pitch Mike has a new segment on the Howard 100 News. He does a short commentary called the Low Down with High Pitch Mike and it debuts tomorrow on Howard 100 News.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll talk about the Chevy Chase interview and what other feuds might end on the show. Jon said they'll also talk about Brad Garrett's visit and the stuff he did. They'll also talk about Pat Monahan and his performance today.
Howard had some Emmy clips that he never got to. He said that there was one clip where Katherine Heigl was introduced and her name was mispronounced. She corrected the announcer in the clip. Howard said that if you're hired to do that job and you have weeks to prepare, you should know how to pronounce the name. Artie said he wouldn't blame the announcer, it could have been her boss that told her to pronounce it that way.
Howard said that Brett Summers died and Robin used to play her in the Match Game show spoof they used to do on the show. They spent a few minutes talking about her and playing some clips from the real Match Game. Gary came in a little later and said he had some of the Match Game stuff they used to do on WNBC if Howard wanted to play it. Howard played some of those clips from 1984.
Howard interrupted his clips and corrected himself and wondered how anyone could listen to him back then. He said that Jackie was doing the impression of Gary Burghoff in that clip. There were some other voices in there that Howard didn't even recognize. They had Al Rosenberg in there doing Minnie Pearl. Howard said that couldn't be Al doing that voice. He wasn't sure who it was but said they should hire that person back on the show.
Howard had Janie the Cleaning Lady playing herself in that clip. He said his comedy wasn't very pure back then and he really should have had her playing a character. Al Rosenberg was playing the part of Lou Ferrigno and Fred was Richard Dawson.
Gary told Howard that his auction for a visit to the studio on that CharityBuzz.com web site is up over $21,500. Howard said they have to let the winner of that auction see something really crazy on the show. He thought for a moment and said that they should be able to come in and see the World's Biggest Clit contest. He got in another plug for that before he had Robin get back to her news.
Robin mentioned that there was a picture in the news of this place where she had her accident when she messed her pants with diarrhea.
Ivy said that Kid Rock bailed out on the fight last night so it's a big deal because she was working with Beecher to get Tommy to be part of the fight. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go a short time later. Howard said he had to put her in a tight package because she could go on for hours. He wanted to keep it short so he could end the show at some point today.
Robin got back to her news and went through a bunch of various stories. They talked about the Emmys some more and why FOX was censoring the show so much when people were saying stuff that could be considered a curse. Howard said they didn't overreact at all because the FCC could fine them over things that they wouldn't even expect. They don't have a set rule for what people can say and the fines are huge so FOX did what it needed to do to protect themselves.
Richard argued with him a little bit and tried to defend his article. Howard said that the denture story was wrong too. He also said that the Crazy Cabbie story about a sex tape is just not true either. He said that Richard has to look at the source, it's Crazy Cabbie, he's crazy and spent a year in prison. Richard said he thinks that Cabbie was lying and never had the tape. Howard said he didn't say that in his article though. Richard said that they reported the denture story with a grain of salt and said it could be his dog's false teeth.
Howard asked Richard if they're friends because everything he writes seems to be negative. Richard said they are friends and he's very happy for him. Richard said he has no agenda with him. He said that people are fascinated with him. Howard said they should get some real stories in there then.
Richard said that people say stuff and that's where they get these stories. Howard said that he can explain the denture thing. Someone was in his house and saw the Efferdent stuff that he had in his bathroom and it's for this thing he wears at night when he sleeps so his teeth don't grind. He doesn't have dentures.
Howard asked Richard if he's going to print the truth from now on. Richard said ''yes, always!'' Howard said if this continues he might have to go out and find some dirt on him. Richard said he doesn't have any dirt to dig up. Howard thanked him for calling in and let him go so Robin could finish her news.
Robin got back to her news and ran through a bunch of stories before they wrapped up the show. Howard ended the show after Artie got in some plugs for his upcoming comedy show in Hampton Beach, New Hampshire. They ended it around 11:15am.
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Howard started off the show talking about the OJ Simpson robbery thing. Robin said that they're trying to throw every charge they can at him to get something to stick. Howard said he was even charged with kidnapping and he predicted they were going to do that. He said that the case it pretty interesting and one of the guys is supposed to call into the show tomorrow to talk about what happened. He said that this guy Tom Riccio is the guy who recorded the whole thing and he'll be the one calling in.
Howard said that one of the guys involved in the whole thing was getting married. None of them made it to the wedding because of this whole robbery thing. Howard went through what he knew about the case. He said that the stuff was all garbage and it wasn't stolen, it was stuff that was in the custody of a storage company and the storage fees weren't being paid so they became the property of the storage bin guy.
Howard said one of OJ's buddies told him about the memorabilia and planned out this raid on the guy's hotel room. They didn't plan on doing the gun thing but then things all went wrong when they went to the guy's room. There weren't supposed to be guns but some of OJ's buddies may have pulled guns without some of the other people's knowledge.
Now the Goldman's are saying that OJ owes them like $35 million and he shouldn't own that memorabilia, they should. They're also saying that he owns a Rolex and that should be theirs too. Artie said that if Riccio thought there weren't going to be any guns there, that would explain why he taped the whole thing. Then OJ may have not known it was being taped and that's when the guns came out.
Howard said that the memorabilia guy said that he records every conversation he has because people pull out of the deal all the time. He was just supposed to tape the deal that was going down that day. Artie said he read the story and thought the guy might be a bullshitter but now that he's heard more about it, he thinks that the guy could be telling the truth.
Howard said that Riccio is going to call tomorrow and fill them in on more stuff. Robin said that he sold that tape to TMZ.com. That somehow got Howard on the subject of YouTube and how people are always stealing his TV show stuff and posting it there. He said they wrote a letter to them and they basically told them they can't do anything about it. He said that they've pulled CBS's stuff off of there so they should be able to pull his stuff.
Artie said that a lot of his stuff is up on YouTube as well. He said that he'd like to be able to post stuff from his Letterman appearances and stuff like that on his new web site. Howard thinks that he'd have a hard time doing that. CBS probably wouldn't allow it.
Howard played some of the interviews that Sal did with some black people out on the street about the OJ case. He played them yesterday but wanted to hear a replay today.
Howard and the guys talked about the Phil Spector case for a short time too. They discussed the details of the case and tried to figure out what had gone on in that case. Howard was saying that it seems kind of odd that the woman would have gone over to Phil's house to kill herself.
Robin said that Barbara must be rethinking her decision to hire that woman if that's the case. Howard played the tape again and said that he doesn't understand why they interrupt each other while they're doing that show.
Howard changed subjects again and brought up Jenny McCarthy who has written a book about her autistic son. She's out doing interviews and bashing her ex-husband. He said she's also talking about how great Jim Carrey is. He doesn't seem to think that's going to last all that long.
Howard said that Jenny was talking about how her son had a vaccine that might be known for causing autism and she remembers seeing the life drain out of his eyes a couple of days after the vaccine was given. He said that she's sitting there with triple Ds and it's hard to take her seriously. He said he didn't want to bad mouth her because she does seem to be a good person. Robin said that she's heard that Jenny and Jim want to have that Goldie Hawn type of relationship and never get married.
Howard said he's tried to explain that kind of relationship to Beth but she doesn't want to hear it. He said that Jenny might want to get it on with other chicks and stuff. Artie told Howard to be careful talking about that stuff because it'll end up in Page Six that he wants an open relationship. Howard said that he really doesn't and asked Richard Johnson not to print that.
Artie said that Richard made the right move yesterday by calling in so late in the show after they were already fried. Howard said that's true because after the call he didn't know what had happened and he didn't feel that he accomplished anything. The guys talked about how Richard got off pretty easy by calling in so late. Artie said if he had called in at 7, he would have been toast.
Howard said that Ronnie really doesn't have a plan if anything goes wrong in the studio. On the Wrap Up Show Gary was saying that Ronnie has a taser on him and he'd probably use that. The guys asked Ronnie what his plan is so Ronnie said he'd do whatever he had to do to keep the person away from the principal. Howard thinks that Ronnie must have taken a course or saw something in a movie that gave him that ''principal'' thing. Robin said that maybe it was the movie ''The Bodyguard.''
Howard asked Ronnie where he learned that Principal thing from. Ronnie came in, yelling, and tried to explain himself. Artie said that maybe he learned it from Victoria Principal's bodyguard. Ronnie asked why he has to bother him with this stuff. He joked that he got it from the Bodyguard movie. He said they were 100 percent right about that. Then he said he got it from one of his cop buddies.
Ronnie eventually said that he went to school and did a 16 hour course. Howard asked him about the course and if they refer to the person as the principal. Ronnie said they do. He asked why Robin is breaking his balls. Howard asked him if he feels better about his occupation after taking that course. Ronnie said that he got a license and part of the deal was to take that course. He said the license is for being a watch guard and something else he couldn't remember. Ronnie said he has the license in his pocket downstairs somewhere. He said he has one hanging in his office too.
Howard wondered where his office is and why he even has one. Ronnie said he needs to write out his bills and stuff from his office. He said he even talks to the principal on his phone from the office once in a while.
Ronnie said that he was out at the Playboy mansion one time and Scott Einziger called him and told him that ''The Package'' was moving and Howard got all pissed off that he was being called ''the package.''
Howard asked Ronnie about his height and if he thinks he's really 5'8'' tall. Ronnie said that he just knows he was measured at 5'8'' and he wasn't sure if he had his shoes on or off. Robin asked if there was anyone shorter than him there at the course he took. Ronnie said he never claimed to be tall, it doesn't bother him if he's that height. Howard said it sure seems like it bothers him.
Artie brought up some of the short jokes that they used during the Ronnie Roast. He said that Colin Quinn said that Ronnie didn't look like a body guard, he looks like a trophy for best body guard. Howard said that Brad Garrett said something about him working in a tree as a Keebler Elf.
Howard played more clips from the Wrap Up Show where Jason was pretending to be Ronnie talking to Ralph. Ralph was talking about how short Ronnie is and goofing on him. Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that in the movie ''Armed and Dangerous'' those characters train for 24 hours. Artie remembered the movie and got a few laughs talking about the characters in the class and stuff.
Howard said that he was right about the kidnapping charges that have been brought up against OJ. Dominic said that it seems like they may have been set up by this guy who sold the tapes of the case. They got back on that story for a minute before Gary came in with something else.
Gary gave Howard a print out from a body guard web site where they give the requirements for being a body guard. Howard read through the stuff and found that the person should be in good physical shape, have good vision, be under the age of 55 and should not be overly aggressive or moody. So far he wasn't doing so well. Howard said that he is dedicated and that's the one thing on that list that Ronnie fits.
Robin was telling Eric everything he was doing wrong that day. Howard said he got a letter from Eric where he complained about all of this stuff. He said Eric seems to think that people care about all of this stuff and no one really does.
Gary came in and said that Eric has this new friend who is really cute. The girl talks to him on the phone all the time. Gary said that Eric was calling Jason and asking him if he had talked to the girl or not. Eric said that the girl called in last week and she thought that Jason was going to call her back. Eric said he was just trying to find out why they weren't calling her back. Gary said that they did call her yesterday and found out she likes Eric a lot.
Gary said that this girl, Courtney, really likes Eric and she told them that Eric wants her to call into the show and say nice things about him so that Diana DeGarmo will think that he's a good guy. Gary said that he wants her to let people know that he's not dangerous. Howard said that's pretty obvious. Eric is not dangerous. Eric said that someone interviewed Diana DeGarmo and she said that no one saw a problem with him at all.
Eric told Howard that if a legitimate site is taking what is supposed to be comedy and believing it to be reality, that's wrong. Howard said that it's just funny. Gary said that he might have to get Diana in the studio to say what she really thinks about Eric. She probably doesn't put any thought into him.
Eric said that Diana and her mother don't like the show at all. Gary asked why Mrs. DeGarmo spoke to Howard 100 News then. Howard said that Eric isn't going to get into anyone's pants doing this stuff. Eric said he's not trying to. Howard had to wrap up with him a short time later because he said he had to take a break.
Howard said he loves all of this stuff that Eric is going through with this Diana DeGarmo thing. Artie said that he doesn't know what Diana DeGarmo even looks like. Fred said she looks like Joe Torre with blonde hair. Howard took a call from a guy claiming to be Mr. Freeze. The guy said he wants to tell Eric that he loves him. Howard said he'll get him through the next time Eric calls in.
Howard took another phone call after that. The caller asked about Bubba having a job there at the end of the year. Howard said he'd like SIRIUS to sign him on to do the show when his contract is up. He said he hopes that they come through with the money he wants. He said that there are a couple of guys who are able to entertain for hours on end and he hopes that they stick around.
Artie said he was listening to a show where they replayed a segment where Spice Boy and Bubba's sister talked about fuckin'. He said that Bubba is really a great host for the show and it was compelling radio for an hour and a half long segment.
Howard brought up how dopey CBS was when they hired David Lee Roth to replace him. The guy had no experience at doing a 4 hour long show and it showed they didn't respect what he does for a living. Howard said he tries to think from a subscriber's point of view. He said he'd rather hear Bubba doing a radio show than someone like Bob Dylan, who is on XM, doing a show.
Howard said he likes the idea that you can tune in and hear people like Tony Stewart, Barbara Walters and others on the service. He said you can pepper that kind of stuff in but you also need the shows that you can listen to for hours and hours. He said he likes having Riley Martin doing his 1 hour long show.
Howard said he's told management that he really likes Bubba and thinks he's terrific. He also thinks the same thing about Scott Ferrall. Robin said that SIRIUS should be thinking about how to value broadcasters like that. Howard said that Jay Thomas is doing a good job and so is Jim Breuer who does a show there.
After that Howard asked who was dopier, Brolin or Sherri from The View talking about the Earth possibly being flat. He played her clip and got a laugh out of that again.
Howard said they're still waiting to hear about the XM/SIRIUS merger and now there's this one guy from Wisconsin talking about how bad this merger is going to be for that stage. They only have a few stations out there and his argument makes little sense to him. He said that there's another senator who opposes the merger but then you find out that he owns the Milwaukee Bucks and there's this whole thing about them retaining the rights to advertise on terrestrial radio and they're like a direct competitor to satellite. Howard said it's all very weird that people like that are allowed to comment on a merger like that.
Howard said that there is a lot of competition out there for satellite radio and he really wants to see this merger go through. They're all competing against each other with iPods and internet radio so this so-called monopoly isn't a monopoly at all.
Howard started to take bets on the next word. The word was Anemia. The guys bet on that one and Dave was actually able to say it. The next word was Cranberry. The guys placed their bets and tried to figure out if he'd be able to say it. Artie said no, Howard said yes. Dave said it no problem. The next word was Coronation. Everyone said that there was no way he'd be able to say that one. Dave rattled off ''Cor-o-nar-a-tor.'' The next word was Fellatio. The guys placed their bets, Robin said he would get it, Howard said no way, Artie said no way. Evil Dave said ''Fel-ah-toe.''
Howard said the betting is not over and said the next word was Corsage. Robin said yes, Howard agreed and Artie said no. Dave said ''Cor-zeg.'' The next word was Emancipated. Robin laughed and said he's going to say it. Howard said he can't and Artie never got a chance to bet. Dave got the word just fine.
Howard said the next word was Conquistador. Dave said ''con-stev-a-dor.'' They all knew he wasn't going to get it so they didn't bet on that one. The next one Rapscallion. Howard wasn't even familiar with the word. He had no problem saying it though. Dave said it no problem as well. The guys said that made no sense at all.
Howard said there were 3 words left. The next one was Quadruplets. Everyone said no way. Dave said ''quin-drup-lets.'' Next up was Psychological. Howard said no, Robin said yes. Dave said it no problem. The next, and last, word was Quagmire. Howard said no, Artie said yes and Robin said no. Dave said ''Quen-mire.'' Artie got pissed and said that he ended up even in the betting. He didn't understand how he could miss that one though. There's no N in the word.
Howard played the clip of Dave doing the Top 5 list that Richard Christy had him doing where they just typed a bunch of nonsense for him to read. Howard also played a Jack and Rod Show where they interviewed an author about her book, ''Who's Watching Your Drink?,'' and had Evil Dave pretending to be the real Dave Letterman. He was making inappropriate comments to her and pissing off the author. He was asking all kinds of sexual questions until she eventually hung up on him. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard asked DL if he got into trouble over his comments about the Imus stuff that they were playing when they came out of break. DL said he really didn't. He went on to goof on the Rutgers basketball players himself and said that some of them look like they're wearing cups themselves. Howard told DL about the interviews that Sal went out and did in Harlem yesterday. He said that a lot of people think that OJ should be left alone for what he did. DL said that he doesn't believe OJ should be left alone and maybe he should be put to death over that.
DL and Howard talked about the Michael Vick case as well. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then Howard played the tape of Sal going out and asking the Harlem residents about the OJ case. DL said that they have to get him for something and they will probably get something to stick.
Howard asked DL about his marriage and found out he's been married for almost 22 years now. He said he adores his wife and that's why he's stuck with her so long. He told a story about how he was hosting Def Jam on Saturday and there were some flowers in his room. He told this girl to take them and his wife flipped out and stormed down to get the flowers from the girl he'd told to take. He said that she does do some irrational things. He said that the flowers had been there for 3 days and they had been flicking cigar ashes in them for those three days. DL joked that his wife gets on his nerves and so does his mistress.
DL said that his daughter is an intern in Washington DC and he's kind of glad wasn't there when Clinton was in office. Howard said that he doesn't understand why DL didn't get that late night show deal over at CBS. He said he thinks he's much funnier than Craig Ferguson. DL said he loves being on stage and if they felt he didn't have what it took, he's pretty sure he would have gotten into trouble for saying something anyway. He said that he probably would have gotten into trouble for his nappy head comments or something even though he had a father who had a nappy head an he's got a nappy head himself.
Howard and DL talked about Al Sharpton's hair and how he keeps it straightened. DL said that guy does a lot of antiquated stuff. He said that they do boycotts and stuff at CD stores and that's not going to do anything. Everyone is already done buying CDs at stores like that. Howard said that if he were a black man, he'd keep his hair like DL does. DL said that he has his hair washed and then twisted and untwisted. That's how he keeps it looking the way it does. Howard said that you have to go with what you have and make it work.
Howard gave DL a plug for his HBO special, Unapologetic, which airs this Saturday night at 10. DL said that he actually had people protesting him over his jokes. He had Christian groups coming after him for his nappy head comments.
Howard said he heard that DL is friends with one of the guys who was involved with the OJ thing. He said he'd be out golfing with the guy and he'd get a call from OJ. Then the guy would ask DL if he wanted to talk to OJ and DL would say ''No way mothufucka!''
Howard played the clip of Sherri from The View talking about the world possibly being flat. DL said he doesn't understand how that's an interesting subject. He went off on them and said that Sherri should have just come out and said that she thinks the world is flat. He said that's 3 minutes of her life that she can't get back now. He said that everyone is trying to be provocative and it's just not cool.
Howard heard that DL was supposed to perform in front of Bill Clinton. He said he didn't do it because he felt that if he couldn't tell jokes from his perspective, he couldn't do it. He said he was told he wasn't going to be able to talk about politicians and stuff so he backed out of doing it. He said that he was going to do some material about Larry Craig and went into some of that stuff with Howard instead. He had some jokes about that guy and also some material about filthy bathrooms. He asked Howard if he's ever been in a bathroom that's so dirty that he just shit himself. That led to him talking about men not washing their hands after using the bathroom.
Howard told DL that they used to work at this station where the bathroom was filthy. There would be turds on the seat and lice in the sink. It was disgusting. He said he's not sure why people would do that unless they were just angry or something.
Howard said that DL was in the movie ''Soul Plane'' and that's the one thing that he regrets doing in his career. DL said he sold out by doing that and he knew it was going to be horrible. He said his wife wanted a hard wood floor so that's why he did it. He said he thought he was going to be able to redeem himself by doing Studio 60 but that show got canceled.
Howard gave DL a plug for his Myspace page at Myspace.com/dlhughley. He said you can check out where he's appearing on that page. He then asked DL what comedians he likes these days. DL said he hasn't seen a lot lately but there are some guys out there like Chris Rock, George Carlin, Earthquake and a couple of young guys like Ali who are really good.
Howard read that DL was kicked out of high school. DL said that he was the one talking shit back in school and that got him into a lot of trouble. He said that he got beat up a lot over the stuff he'd say to the other kids. He said that he got into a big fight at school and he ended up getting kicked out over that. He was actually in the Bloods as a gang member. He said that he had to fight even if he didn't want to. He said that they got into this huge fight and that was it for him.
Howard asked DL if he can pretend to fight instead of actually fighting with people. DL said you can't do that at all. He said he had to fight hard and he'd use anything he could find to battle these guys. He said he couldn't see staying in the gang though. He said he knew he had something else inside of him and he knew he could do something else with his life, he just didn't know what that was.
DL said he got kicked out of a few schools over the years and then he just stopped going to school. He said he didn't have much of a choice as far as which gang he got into either. He lived in a bloods neighborhood and that's what he had to become. DL said that he never really thought about what he wanted to do for a living when he got older. He didn't think about being an astronaut or anything like that. It just never came up.
Howard read that DL always thought his father was his biological father but it turns out it wasn't. He didn't find that out until he was 12. He said that he considers that man his father though. He said he doesn't know where his biological father is. He said his mother hated his biological father and he had to guess at what he should and shouldn't do because his mother used to tell him he did stuff just like he did. He said they eventually found his father and flew him in to talk about some stuff. He said he just wanted to know what kind of genetic problems they had in their family.
DL said that he came home and saw his biological father in the pool with his kids and he told him he had to get the fuck out of there. He said that he doesn't need him hanging around him now just because he's famous. Howard asked DL if he thinks most of his anger is because that man abandoned him. DL said he never really thought about that and he's angry about a lot of stuff. He said he has a lot of guilt in his life because he made it out of the gang and stuff like that while most of his friends ended up dead.
Howard took some phone calls and let some fans ask DL some questions. One guy said he wasn't a big fan but after this he figures that DL is the most self-aware guy he's ever heard. He said that DL had basically just described the whole black experience in that interview and it was very interesting. He then asked DL how big his cock is. DL wasn't going there but he did say ''membership does have it's privileges.'' Another caller said that DL really was a good interview and told Howard it was probably one of the best he's ever done.
Howard gave DL a couple more plugs for his web site and for his DVD, ''D.L. Hughley: Unapologetic,'' that's coming out soon. He took some more phone calls and one of the calls was supposed to be his father but it was the guys playing clips of an unintelligible man rambling on and on. Another guy said that he saw DL do a show one time but he and his friend were the only white guys there.
Howard gave DL a couple more plugs and then wrapped up and went to break. He mentioned that you can buy tickets for DL's NY Comedy Festival show at NYComedyFestival.com
Howard said that it's really tough to figure out what each person likes and that's been the tough part of his career. The caller was going off on Ralph saying that they need less of him but more of these interviews. He said Ralph is okay once in a while but not too much. Howard said that he was sending some confusing messages there, some Ralph, no Ralph...
Another caller saw the Big Foot and Tabitha Stevens thing on Howard TV and it was all taped by Tabitha's husband. He said it was very good camera work but very disturbing to watch. Howard said they have a lot of good stuff up there on Howard TV and they should be doing the big premiere for the Miss Howard Stern thing sometime.
Howard said the guys took some of the Hate Man voice mails and called a black phone sex thing. He said that Hate Man always hates the Jews and blacks and throws the N-word around. The guys edited his calls and called this phone sex thing. He played the clip where they had him calling the black woman an orangutan bitch and things like that. They had him calling her a monkey bastard and repeating ''monkey, monkey'' over and over. They also had him calling her the N-word but she stayed on the line. Howard figured that stuff must be normal for that chick because she didn't hang up on him.
Gary came in and said that Sal was the one who put that call together. He said that he needed a credit card but the company wouldn't give him one so he had to house his own and get reimbursed for it. Sal had to call his wife and explain that to her.
Howard said that there was this guy who pretended to be a fireman when he made a prank call to NBC news. He said he's never heard a guy do such a great fake fireman. He played the clip and the guy calls in as a fireman who is giving and update on a fire out in California. He gives them a lot of facts about the fire and then he breaks into his Howard Stern stuff. He threw out a comment about the fire being near Howard Stern's big, hot balls and got hung up on. The news anchor wasn't sure if the call was legitimate or not. Howard said that guy was so good that he had the anchor confused even after the hot balls comment.
A caller asked Howard to replay the call that Gary made to DL Hughley years ago when he was speaking ebonics to him. Howard said they just played that recently. Fred didn't have it in his computer system even though they did just play it recently. Fred said he's going to request that it be put in there so he has access to it. Fred searched but wasn't able to come up with it. Howard said he's going to track it down and play it for him today.
Artie was doing his impression and asking Henry questions as if he was Henry. Howard was calling him Henry Hill Jr. He'd ask Jr. questions like he's asked Henry before and Artie would answer and then give his Henry laugh. Howard asked Henry to call back later because he had Paul there. Henry told him to give him his regards. Artie got a laugh out of that and laughed with that evil laugh of his as he was getting off the phone.
Paul Anka came in a short time later so Howard asked him about Henry and those guys that used to see his shows. Paul said that he used to see those guys come to his shows and he'd see them there with their mistress one night and with their wives the next night. He said they always looked miserable. He also told a story about how if there were hecklers in the crowd in that day, they'd get smacked around and taken right out of the club and replaced with a new couple.
Paul told Howard that he feels for these young performers these days because there's no good place to do your thing like he used to do. Howard read that Paul had 38 top 40 songs in his career. Paul talked about that and about a book he's writing.
Howard said that the last time Paul was on he said that he saw Frank Sinatra's dick and it was pretty big. Paul said that it wasn't as big as Milton Berle's dick though. He said that Milton had another 4 inches on him. Paul said he'd see that in the steam room. Paul said that there were some guys who had small dicks but those guys he doesn't remember. He said that Sammy Davis Jr. Held his own but he doesn't remember all of the details about that stuff. He doesn't think about that all the time.
Howard asked if there were broads in the steam room. Paul said there were some women in there and Frank would bring them in. Howard asked if there was sex going on. Paul said there were rooms for that stuff. He said that some of the guys would come in and disappear into the other rooms. He said that Frank was the guy and you'd do whatever he told them. He said that he was much younger at the time and Frank was a man's man and people would put up with what he'd do.
Howard said that Paul has some good stories to put into that book of his. He mentioned one story about a guy getting thrown down the stairs. Paul said that story was a quick one. He told another story about this guy Ben who was a performer. He said that they used to screw with each other and he had a tape machine that had fooled the guy into thinking he was going to get laid in the next room. He said he loves pulling pranks on guys like that.
Paul told a story about Frank Sinatra getting his teeth knocked out one time. He said that Frank had gotten pissed off at this guy Carl Cohen one time and poured coffee all over the guy. Carl got up and punched Frank in the mouth and knocked some of his teeth out. That led to Frank never going back to the Sands and they ended up just going to Caesar's instead.
Paul said that there was another story about Caesar's. He said that he was told that if he would open up Caesar's, they'd give him 5 percent of the casino. He turned down the offer. He said that this guy was trying to talk him into this deal while he was driving around Rome and the guy was asking for statues and stuff to be changed to have arms and stuff like that.
Howard asked Paul if he ever kicks himself over turning down that offer. Paul said he's okay with it because he just didn't want to get involved in all of that stuff that was going on back in those days in Vegas.
Howard asked Paul what famous chicks he got back in those days. He threw out a bunch of names but Paul said he's not talking, he's saving that stuff for his book. He said he'd share that stuff with Howard first before any of these other shows he's doing this week. Paul said that it will all be in the book.
Howard said he heard that Paul got married again but Paul said he didn't. He said he did have another kid but he didn't get married. He said that they have a 2 year old now and she's out in the green room today. She used to be his physical trainer. Howard checked her out when she came in a short time later. Paul said that she'd just came out of a bad marriage at the time when they got together.
Paul asked his girlfriend Ana to come in and Howard checked her out. Paul told him not to ask her to take off her top or anything. Howard spoke to her and heard an accent which turned out to be Swedish. She's got a book in the works so Paul threw that out there. He said that she should do the show when the book comes out. Howard asked her how long it took for her to hook up with Paul. She said that it was on the first date. Howard asked her how it happened. She said that she needed some time to think about it and it wasn't really the first date. She said that she went to Sweden for a visit and when she came back they went out again. She said that it was the stretching and stuff that got them going. Howard asked if Paul was aroused when she was stretching him out. She said he was but she may have been joking around.
Robin asked Paul how old his kids are. He's got a 41 year old and a 2 year old. Howard asked him if he's exhausted after having the 2 year old. Paul said that he's very involved with the 2 year old even though it is exhausting. Ana said that he really is involved with the kids.
Howard asked Ana if she had a lot of celebrity clients. She did and she said that they did hit on her. She said that most of them would hit on her but she wasn't going to mention any names. Howard said he'd hit on her himself if she was his trainer. Paul said that Howard would hit on a snake if they held it up to him.
Howard asked Paul how one gets into the pants of a physical trainer. Paul said that he was attracted to her and he waited to feel that vibe in the right way. He said that if the attraction is there then you know things are going to work out.
Howard wondered if there are no rubbers involved there, he assumed there were none since Ana ended up pregnant. They said that they were doing the pull out method but Ana miscalculated and that's how she ended up pregnant. Artie pointed out that she was right back into shape so that's the good thing about dating a personal trainer. Howard asked Paul if he's wearing rubbers now. Paul said he's actually had a vasectomy since this 2 year old was born.
Paul told Howard that he should get a vasectomy. Paul said that he felt nothing. They put him out and it was a non-event and everything else works. He said that it was better than going to a dentist. He was out of commission for just 5 days. He said he's not sure if the amount of stuff that comes out is lower than it sued to be but everything is normal as far as he can tell. He told Howard that there's really nothing to it and he shouldn't worry. He said he'd even pay for it.
Howard said that Paul wrote ''My Way'' for Frank and wondered how all of that happened. Paul told Howard the story about how he wrote the song, in 5 hours, and gave it to Frank to perform. He said Frank went into a studio and sang the song and called him on the phone to play it for him. He said he started to cry when he heard the song actually being performed. He said that Frank was going to retire at the time so that was a song that was written for him for his last album. He said that Frank didn't retire after that song was a hit though.
Howard took some phone calls and the callers were telling him that Paul is one of the best guests he's ever had. They were kissing Paul's ass left and right. One guy said that his mother claims that Paul used to fly her out to Vegas on his private jet and he thinks that Paul most have banged her if that's true. Paul didn't deny doing anything like that but he say he knew his mother either. Howard told the guy they'll have to have his mother on next time Paul is in.
Howard played some of Paul's album. One track was Paul and John Bon Jovi doing a duet of ''My Way.'' Paul said that John was very cool about it. They did it in different studios at different times. Howard played a couple minutes of that and then Artie started to sing the song. Paul told him to keep going. Howard told Artie he's got some tone there. He asked Paul why he didn't call Artie. Paul said he didn't know. Then Artie finished the song and Paul told him it was close.
Howard asked Paul about the drugs that the guys did back in his day. Paul said that he never did heroin because he saw a guy doing it back then and how it just sucked him in. He said that Frank used to smoke weed but that was all he ever saw him do. Paul said he tried weed himself. He said that Elvis was on all kinds of stuff and he saw women come screaming out of the room yelling that Elvis wanted to suck their fingers and stuff.
Howard wrapped up with Paul and gave him another plug for his web site PaulAnka.com. He played another track off his album where he covers The Killers ''Mr. Brightside.'' He gave him another plug for the album and some of the casino appearances he's making. He's going to be at the Mohegan Sun this weekend. Paul said he's going to be at the Borgata in Atlantic City in November and he's got a long term deal down there.
The casino talk led to Paul talking about the gambling that used to go on and how he used to see people lose a million bucks in one sitting. He said that he limits himself to 25 grand. He then told a story about a guy who saw him out gambling the night before and, back then, they used to have guys who would watch the gamblers from a catwalk. They had this guy who got sick from being up there with the dust and stuff. He'd spent the whole night watching him to make sure he wasn't cheating. Paul said that back then the dealers would get hints from the dealers that they didn't want certain cards and stuff like that. These days it's not like that.
Robin asked Paul what he thinks about these guys like Brad Pitt and George Clooney trying to recreate that Rat pack thing. He said that it just doesn't work, he said they gave it a try but they're just not the rat pack. He doesn't have a problem with them though. Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
Howard said Gary got it burned off but it's still there. It's now black and still a wart. Gary said that it's not raised up though, it's been burned off. He said that he had it done during vacation and they had to burn the top off and then burn the roots out 2 weeks later. He asked for Howard to give him another week for it to heal. Howard said it's still there. Gary said that's a scab, it's not the wart.
Howard said that it really bothers him and it bothers someone else there. He said that person came up to him and said it was oozing. Gary said it doesn't ooze. He said he won't be mad if someone else brings it up. Jason came in a short time later and said that it was shiny when he saw it and he thought that it was oozing. Gary said that it'll be gone in a week and he knows it's gross. They don't have to tell him that.
Gary said that his toe fungus is finally gone after trying to get rid of it for 3 years. He said that he went to a podiatrist that put some stuff on it and then gave him some pills that didn't work either. He said he waited a year and they put him on some pills and that finally cleared it up. It took 3 years but it's finally gone. He said they told him he may have gotten it from running and staying in his sweaty socks.
Howard said that he showers in some thong shoes that he has just for that. Howard said that he once saw Gary showering in a gym one time and saw him scrubbing his balls. Howard said that Gary is pretty big and he likes to shower and show that junk off down there.
Artie said that he had something else weird to talk about. He said that Richard has been using everything pumpkin every year around this time. He uses pumpkin body wash and drinks pumpkin beer and everything is pumpkin around this time of year. Richard came in and said that he's got the brain of a child and he's into childish stuff. Howard said that he's turning out to be a real asshole. Richard said he just likes this time of year. Howard kicked him out after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that today was great with the interviews he did. He also asked if he's going to let Howard TV cover his vasectomy. Howard said he's not showing anyone his dick. He's not even sure if he's going to get one, he's too scared.
Howard said that the DL Hughley and Paul Anka interviews will be up on Howard TV tomorrow. He was making fun of Brucie again and accidentally let a fart go. Artie said that Howard had just shit his pants.
Gary said that Benjy was probably 28 or 29 when he started interning for them and he was lying way back then so he's never been able to recover from that. Artie said that means he's now the youngest guy in the studio. Howard said that Benjy is actually catching up to him. Fred said he's glad that the truth has finally come out. He's 52 himself.
Artie said that Robin, Howard and Fred all look good while he and Benjy just look awful. Steve said that he's 51 himself. Howard said he looks like an adult, or a dad, while the rest of them don't.
Steve said that Howard's auction with the Chevy Chase charity auction is up to $70,000 already. The auction ends on Thursday and the other auctions are not doing nearly as well. The lunch with Bill Clinton is at $51,000 and the day with Cameron Diaz is only at $5,500. Artie said he's surprised at that. He said that she's not his type but he could see some perv guy going for a lot more than that.
Steve said that there's a major article about Artie Lange on SI.com and they'll have more on that today on Howard 100 News. He said that Artie has talked about going to therapy and he's really against doing that stuff. Howard said he heard that interview and it was pretty funny. Steve said that Gary was hired on this day back in 1984.
Howard moved on to Jon Hein who had his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about Paul Anka's interview. They'll also talk about DL Hughley's interview and more. Howard wrapped up with them and moved on to Robin's news after that.
Robin did one story about Will Ferrell doing an auction for a part in an upcoming movie. That led to Artie talking about how great Will was to him and how he and John Favreau helped him get into the movie ''Elf'' so he can't bad mouth them ever. He said that because of them, he got into the movie as the Santa and he still gets huge checks every year because the movie gets played so much around Christmas. He said last year he got between 12 and 15 thousand bucks.
Robin read another story about a guy who was picked up and thrown by another guy in a Spin class because the one guy was grunting and moaning so much. They spent some time talking about that while Fred was playing some gay porn clips where a guy is moaning like the guy in the gym may have been doing.
Howard talked about the Oprah Winfrey show and her interview with Jenny McCarthy. He said that Oprah is looking awful but that could be because of how good Jenny looked. He talked about her odd hair cut and said he was thinking that maybe her autistic kid cut her hair for her. That led to them talking about how Jenny won't be doing the show to promote her new book. Howard said that ever since she started dating Jim Carrey, she's too good to do the show. He said he thinks that Jim won't be in that relationship for the long haul and he'll be out within about a year.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the autopsy story from earlier and said that back in the 1600s when people were buried, they were given a string and a bell on the surface so if they woke up, they could ring the bell. Howard said that he's not going to be buried in the ground. He's going to be put in a mausoleum. He has a thing about worms eating him. Howard said he's thinking of giving one of those bells to Fred to know if he's still alive over there. Fred played a bell sound to show that he is still there.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. She read some stories about Britney Spears, OJ Simpson, Fed rate cuts and a story about a guy who was tasered at a John Kerry speech. Howard played some audio from that event and said that he applauded what the police did. Fred said he was surprised at the way the audience just sat there and did nothing as they were dragging him away. Howard played some of the audio of the guy getting tased and said ''good'' when he heard it. He said that kid may have gotten too much attention as a kid.
Fred said that the kid later said that he had no problem with what the cops did with him. Now he's got tape but the campus police have been suspended over that. The cops can't win. Howard said that guy was supposed to ask one question but he went on filibustering and started rambling when they dragged him out. Robin didn't think that he was doing anything that wrong but Howard thought that he was just there to disrupt the event. He and Robin went back and forth arguing about the tape.
Gary came in and said that the cops didn't know that this was just a student at the time. They just knew that they were dealing with a possible nut. Robin wrapped up a short time later and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show complaining to Scott about a wire they were supposed to have fixed. He asked why they can't fix it. Scott said that they fixed it last week and he'll check it out after the show today. Howard didn't want him under there now anyway. He said there's a wire under there that lives under the console and his feet are grabbing on to it. He's not sure what it does so it could take them off the air. They tape it down but it keeps coming up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to congratulate him on his thoughts on getting a vasectomy. He thinks that would be the checkmate in his relationship with Beth. Howard said he was thinking about that last night and he may do it. He said that Beth might look at it as a hostile move though. He brought up Paul Anka who had a kid 2 years ago and then got his vasectomy. He said the guy was honest yesterday but he was probably only 99 percent honest.
Artie said that Paul had his feet up on the couch just enjoying the view of his hot chick wife when she came in yesterday. He said he thinks that Beth would get aggravated if Howard did the vasectomy thing. Howard said she probably would. He said he definitely doesn't want a kid and he's really happy where he's at right now. Robin said he'd be sorry he did it if he had to get it reversed when he changed his mind some day.
Another caller asked about the two interviews yesterday, DL Hughley and Paul Anka. He said that Robin was interrupting every two seconds and wondered if Howard noticed that. Howard said he's heard that comment before and he doesn't think it's true. He said that they have four people on the microphones in there and it's hard to negotiate that stuff. He said that sometimes they'll pull him off track but there are other times when Robin, Artie or Fred will say something and bring it in another direction.
The caller asked if Robin knows that she interrupts like that. She said she does realize that sometimes. Howard said that there are times when he does an interview and something will come up that's right on. He said that he knows that Robin might like to do an interview on her own sometimes but this is a group.
Howard said that the show is a positive and negative thing so it's hard to say what to do. He said that their dynamic is a special thing and they just work well together. Fred interrupted and said that he gets e-mail sometimes asking him why he played a certain sound effect at a certain time. Some fans will think it's funny, others will ask why he played it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Howard said that it's hard, he can't give an entirely honest answer because he doesn't have the caller's perspective.
Howard said that Robin is in a hard place because she has to pick a spot to come in on. She said that sometimes she'll hear something and no one else will pick up on it so she brings it back to that point. Howard said that sometimes he thinks about holding off on a subject but then someone else will come in with that same thing and throw him off. He said that the dynamic works for them and that's the show. He told the caller that the positives seem to outweigh the negatives on the show because they've been doing this so long. He said they've only been doing it for 29 years now, they'll get it right in the next 2 or 3 years.
The caller requested a prank call replay. He said that there's one where Richard uses his taking a shit sound to call an auto repair shop. Howard said they have a lot of requests for replays of various phone calls like that. He mentioned a bunch of the calls that people wanted to hear. The caller told Howard he thinks they're all great.
Howard said that they got a lot of feedback about the show yesterday. He said the fans really liked DL Hughley and Paul Anka. Howard said that those two interviews could have gone either way but they turned out to be great.
Howard and the guys talked about the call and how odd it was that the woman stayed on the line after all of the things they had him saying to her. She acted as if it was an every day thing.
Howard said he was trying to remember that call that Richard made to the auto repair shop. He couldn't remember it so he just played it. In this one Richard calls a repair shop and asks the guy to diagnose the car over the phone. It fails to start and then stalls. The stalling sound is Richard taking a shit in the toilet. The auto repair guy said that it sounds like he's got a bad motor. The tech tells Richard that it sounds pretty bad and he may have lost a rod. He wasn't able to help him with the problem though.
Howard said that call was pretty hard core but it was funny. He then replayed a prank call that he played yesterday where a fan of the show called a San Diego news program pretending to be a fire chief. He has the news anchor fooled for a few minutes and then says that the fire may have been caused by the heat from Howard Stern's balls. The news guy wasn't sure if it was a legitimate call or not. Howard and the guys talked about that call and said that he really did a good job pretending to be a fire fighter.
Artie said that when he had his wart removed there was a crater there. He doesn't see that with Gary's. Howard said that he sees black on top and he thinks that there's still something there. He told Gary that maybe they should leave the wart and burn Gary. Gary said he wants an apology next March, on his birthday, if the wart is completely gone.
Howard said he wasn't able to see the wart today so he can't give an update to the caller. Fred played a Baba Booey opera song parody and Howard said he usually hates opera, but when it's got to do with Baba Booey, he can sit through it. He hates that kind of music and he would never sit through that shit. He said he might go if he was going to get a hand job in the middle of it. Fred played a couple of Baba Booey opera clips that he had and Howard said it would be great if they could do a whole opera show with just Baba Booey stuff in it.
Then this week they had the same guy high fiving OJ's attorney and stuff at a press conference. He played the audio from that where this guy from Kimmel is up on stage saying ''Yes!'' and giving him a high five and congratulating him on the nice work. Howard said you have to see the visual because the guy is so happy and has his face stuck in there on camera. Howard said the guy looks kind of funny and has no teeth from what he can see. OJ's lawyer is giving his comments and the guy from Kimmel keeps interrupting him. He tells the guy ''Touchdown dude, touchdown!'' He totally hijacked the whole segment. Howard said they edited that to show the highlights of what he did of course.
Howard said he had some more clips of this Sherri Shepherd chick from The View. He said that yesterday he played the clip where she was asked about the earth being flat and says that she never thinks about that. Today he had a clip where she offers an explanation for her dopey comments. He replayed the clip where she said she never thinks about the world being flat. She never got to answer the question because the other women were cackling over her in that other clip.
Howard said she knows that the world is round, she's just into this arguing phase on that show. He said that now she's got an explanation and that's even funnier than what she said before. He played that clip where Sherri told Whoopi about what she was saying. She says that she was really nervous and all she heard was something not related to that question. She said she knows the earth is round and her brain just wasn't working and she had a ''brain poop.'' Elisabeth Hasselbeck told her she thought she'd handled that whole thing very well the day before.
Howard said he heard that Hasselbeck's husband was cut from his team and he may have to move to another state to get on another team. He said that she should follow him wherever he goes if she's a good Christian wife. He said that it must have been some kind of religious discussion that they were having when Sherri said that she didn't know for sure if the earth was round.
Howard played more of the audio where Elisabeth is talking about why Sherri handled it so well. Howard said that show is awful and it's just four annoying women talking. He said he likes Joy Behar and has a lot of respect for Barbara Walters but that show is just awful. He said that there are a lot of people who would just want that show to go away.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who talked about the people who might be watching that show. He said that Whoopi doesn't appeal to all women but the new one, Sherri, is going to appeal to a lot more of the audience. Howard cut him off and thanked him for the call. Howard hung up on him and Artie said he doesn't have any idea what he just said.
Howard said Hunter is the guy who was hanging out with Sean Lennon and Bijou Phillips just a few years ago. Now he's running off to Iraq. Howard asked Hunter if he knows what's going on in Iraq. He said he does. He said he's leaving on October 12th for Germany. He's going there for his permanent duty position there. Then he goes off to Iraq.
Hunter is 35 years old and Howard sounded surprised that they'd let him in at that age. Hunter said they raised the age to 40 so he had no problem getting in. Howard said Hunter is like a surfer dude and he likes to party and hang out with hot chicks. He said he was making millions with Playboy and releasing t-shirts and stuff. Now he's running off to Iraq.
Hunter said he gets bored easy and he's always wanted to do this. He said he didn't want to do it if there wasn't a war going on. Howard said Hunter has banged a lot of hot chicks and he's even gotten into fights with guys for banging their girls. Hunter said he's gotten into fights but he never got beaten that bad.
Howard asked him how much famous pussy he's gotten. Hunter said he couldn't remember. Hunter said that Hef sent him a signed picture when he was in basic training and no one knew about it until he got that note. Howard asked Hunter if he made some major money with the t-shirt thing he was doing. Hunter said he made out really well but he's not doing this for the money. He always wanted to do this and he's really looking forward to it.
Hunter asked Howard if he ever gets bored and wants to do stuff. Howard said he does but he took up chess, not going to war. He told Hunter he appreciates him defending the country but he thinks he's out of his mind. He told him that there are tons of dudes dying over there. Hunter said he feels alive again. Howard asked him if he smokes weed or anything. Hunter said he doesn't do that, he just drinks.
Howard asked Hunter about hanging out with Sean Lennon and Bijou Philips. Hunter said Sean couldn't believe he was going off to Iraq. Robin said that she saw him out in California and she thinks that he's gotten very scary now. She said that he's like Martin Sheen in ''Apocalypse Now.'' Hunter said he's not like that at all.
Howard asked Hunter about killing people over there and what he thinks about that. Hunter said he's ready, he was pretty good with the paper targets so he'll see how it goes. Howard wished him luck and said he hopes he stays safe over there. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said that Hunter has done a lot of stuff in his life. He was banging a lot of Playboy Playmates and may have been right up there where Scott Baio was. He said he's a good looking and charming guy and girls like him. Artie said he's dying to know the chicks he banged. Howard said he'd let him know off the air sometime.
Howard said that there have been moments when he's been beating off and just gave up. Artie said that just happened out in Detroit last weekend. Howard said he thinks that if Artie lost some weight he could be out banging and things would change for him.
Artie said that he was trying to get out of the Detroit gig over the weekend. He was leaving but then this hot chick came up to him and started talking to him. He was going to take her out but then the fans saw him. He said that he was getting excited thinking that he could finally get laid in Detroit. He said they were halfway down the steps when she said that she wanted to stop by her boyfriend so he could take a picture with the guy. Artie said he took the picture with the guy but that's not what he expected to happen that night.
Howard told Artie he really has to lose the weight and everything would change for him. Howard said he woke up early this morning, at about 4, and then figured he could go back to sleep. Then he went and watched a video from this chess tournament that's going on. He said that he's becoming Ghandi with this not beating off stuff and playing chess all the time.
Artie said that he hasn't even gone out to dinner and had a nice night with a chick in a long time. He was involved with a couple of women since Dana but he didn't want to get involved too deep with anyone. He said he's dated some really good looking girls in the past year and a half but he's in a rut right now. He said he really has to get out of there. Howard asked him if the heroin is calling him. Artie said that it calls him every day. He said not every day is like that but when he goes out on the road he thinks about it when he's trying to go to bed.
Artie told a story about taking heroin before doing a show one time and that relaxes him. He said that when he got back to the hotel room, all he thought about was the bag of heroin he had in his pocket. He took a shower and put on the TV and cut up a couple of lines and did the heroin. He said he did them off these awful surfaces that were probably filthy. He said that he did that stuff that night and when he was high he knew that it was going to be a problem. That was about 6 months before he started missing work at K-Rock. Artie said that the high is amazing on heroin.
Artie said that when he's on the stuff he can have a wonderful time for about 2 hours. He said he remembers thinking that it was going to be a problem and knew that he was going to be addicted to it. He did it a couple of times after that and then it started seeping into his weekends and then into the week. He said it began 6 months of a living hell. He said he'd get off of work on the show at 11 and then go meet his contact. The high is never as good as the first one though. It just turns into a cycle of a living hell because you chase that high and you never get it. Then you're chasing it just to feel normal.
Howard asked Artie what it costs to be a regular heroin user. Artie said that he was spending about $750 to $1000 a week. They didn't think that was all that much. Artie seemed to think it was though. He said that the first time he ever did it was during his cocaine binge days. He said that it was mixed with other shit though and he never got that great high from the stuff. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said that song really was good. He said they don't get to hear it how it comes out on the radio when they're in the studio. He said that's a tough song to sing too. Artie agreed and said that he saw Zeppelin perform it live one time. Howard and Robin have seen them live too.
Howard said he was reading the tabloids and Maureen McComack is claiming she had a lesbian affair with Eve Plumb. He said he has to get them in there now that he's read that. Maureen has a book coming out and she talks about that experience in the book. He said she also talks about her drug use and her estrangement from her family. Artie asked the guys if they knew why her book was called ''Here's the Story.'' No one knew that it was the first three words in the Brady Bunch theme song.
Howard read a few more notes about Maureen and what she talks about in the new book. He said that you have to wait for the book to come out to get the rest of the details. He said that it'll probably turn out to be nothing though.
Howard read that Kirstie Alley is back up to 200 pounds again. He said she was able to keep the weight off for a while but now she's ballooned back up. He said that it doesn't inspire him to do Jenny Craig when he sees that she's shot right back up there. Artie said that he's fascinated by some of the people he's seen on these shows that are on TV about fat people. He said that some of the people have tumors on their legs and weird stuff like that. Artie said that one woman was 500 pounds and she had no money. She went to this obesity clinic and was going to be treated for that but they find out she's pregnant. She was told to terminate the pregnancy but she thought it was a miracle so she kept it. Artie said he wondered who fucked her and said that had to be a man's man who did that.
Artie said the woman had her kid and he's a little chubby himself. She ends up getting this giant tumor that comes out of her crotch area that she'd rub all the time. It was like her own little bundle of joy that she was fondling. He said that her son was bringing her food and stuff and she would say things while she had a mouth full of food.
Gary said that Jon Hein has seen the show and people smuggle the food into the fat camp. They then fight over the food. JD came in and said that there's a woman who goes around asking people if they want to eat because they can't even get out of their beds. Artie said that the people just eat and shit in the bed because they can't move. Artie said that the show is called ''Inside and Obese Clinic'' and it's on the Learning Channel.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that the bidding on the Chevy Chase charity is up to $91,000. The lunch with Bill Clinton is much lower and the day with Cameron Diaz is only at around 12,000. Howard said that the winner gets to hang out in the studio for an hour and they should be able to see some good stuff.
Lisa said they're going to be talking to George Takei about the upcoming season of ''Heroes.'' Howard said he's looking forward to the Bionic Woman. He said the promos look good. Lisa mentioned the Dancing with the Stars show that's coming up too. Howard said he's not so sure about this new one. He said there's no interest on his part other than Josie Maran. He thought that Tori Spelling was going to be on it but she's not in it. Lisa said that Marie Osmond is in it.
Howard said he'll TiVo the show and if he likes it, he'll watch it. Artie asked if that Josie chick was the one who they did a two part E! show for. Howard jokingly said that he liked her so much that he kept her in the studio too long and was charged with kidnapping.
Lisa said that George is going to be in the season opener for Heroes. Artie was telling a story about hanging out with this chick who was on the show one time and she was trying to sell him some of her jewelry. He actually ended up buying something from her.
Lisa said that it was 26 years ago this week that Howard appeared in black face on the Petey Green show. Howard talked about doing that show and also about the movie that was made about him. He said he thought the movie was very much like ''Private Parts'' and they made it seem like he was Howard Stern before Howard Stern. He said Don Chedle did a good job playing the part though.
Lisa said that on Page 69 they're doing a report about Ronnie the Limo Driver acting like a diva lately. He recently told a fan who asked for a picture that he didn't have time and he had to make it quick. Ronnie came in and said that he wanted to explain this. He was out having dinner with a friend and this drunk guy comes over and asks for a picture. The guy took 3 pictures and then brought a friend over and took more pictures. The guy kept coming over with more friends so he had to ask him to quit it. Howard wrapped up with them and moved on to Tom Riccio.
Tom said that Alfred called him recently and told him he had all of this stuff that was OJs. He said that he's had trouble in his past himself with stuff that he's purchased. He said he called the police immediately and they told him it was a civil matter and they couldn't help him. He then called the FBI and tried to get them to help him out. He didn't want to be involved in anything illegal because he has this very reputable auction business going right now. He said he did some time for receiving stolen property years ago.
Tom said he had a meeting with the FBI about some Anna Nicole tapes. They wanted nothing to do with the OJ stuff so he told OJ about it. OJ said he had been looking for it for 10 years so he wanted to get it back. He said OJ wanted to get back the suit he wore on the day he was acquitted, some trophies and a bunch of other stuff. He said that OJ had come up with a bunch of scenarios to catch the guy and bust him in public. They didn't want to do anything like that. He said he doesn't think OJ thought he was doing anything illegal.
Tom said that he thinks that OJ did this just to get his personal items back, he wasn't doing it for the money. Tom said they decided to do this in Vegas because OJ didn't want to do it in California where they may have confiscated his stuff. They set up this meeting between OJ and Alfred but Al had no idea it was OJ he was going to be meeting with. He said that he has audio tape of everything that happened along the way so he can back up what he's done since he's had trouble in the past. He said that he puts everything on tape and gets receipts for everything as well. He said he documents everything and tapes it all. He said that no one knows that he does tape though.
Tom said he told OJ that he was going to be doing this meeting. Howard interrupted and asked Tom why he'd get involved with a murderer. Tom said that OJ was one of the greatest football players in the world and there are fans out there who are willing to pay for anything he has. He said that his footballs and stuff are what people are looking for.
Howard let Tom tell more of this story that was dragging on. Tom said that OJ was going to go to the room and pick out his stuff and take it back. They were planning on having a guy pose as a buyer and then OJ would come in and pick out his stuff. Howard asked him if he thought that this guy Al was going to be pissed at him. He said he didn't care about that, he's not his buddy or anything like that.
Tom said that he had asked OJ to sign a bunch of copies of this book ''If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer'' and he agreed to sign 200 copies for him as payment for the information.
Howard tried to fast forward the story a bit and had Tom get to what happened when they got to the room where this was going on. Tom said that the room was his room, he brought those guys back to his room and then OJ and his posse came in and busted the guy. Tom said that OJ flipped out on the guys who had his stuff and he was most upset about this picture that J. Edgar Hoover had signed for him.
Tom said that OJ did not have a gun when he came in the room. One of the other guys had a gun, not him. He said that OJ was just screaming the whole time. Howard said that one of the guys who was threatened had a heart attack already after all of this went down.
Howard said that maybe the police could say that this guy was in on the planning session and an accomplice in the case. Tom said he has tapes to back up his side of the story. He said he's got people claiming that he's making these tapes up and calling him some kind of mad scientist who can do stuff like that. He said that no one is claiming that he had something to do with it either.
Tom said he even has tape of OJ asking him not to say anything about the guns that were in the room. He said he didn't know there were any guns involved and the tapes will prove it. Robin said that this could taint the evidence and it might make it impossible to bring him into the trial. Tom said he doesn't care, he's just telling people what happened. Tom said that he's turned over all of the tapes to the police so they know what's going on.
Howard asked Tom if he thinks that OJ should have gone to the police instead of trying to do this on his own. Tom said that's a good point. He said that OJ didn't know that the guys were going to have guns when they came into the room either. He said that OJ told him that everything was going to blow over but when it didn't blow over, he had to break out the tapes to prove what happened.
Gary said that Tom went to jail and actually escaped for 5 months. He said he's pretty hard core. Tom said he's not proud of that stuff. He said he got out of jail and met his wife while he was out. He was only 20 years old at the time and he went over the wall and got out. He said he got involved in this deal back then that got him into even more trouble. He said it was a very foggy day that day and he was able to climb up on the roof and over the fence. He said he ran out to California and ended up staying out for 6 months until he was arrested and fingerprinted one day. He served his time after that and then got out and has tried to stay out of trouble since then.
Artie was trying to get the story straight and asked about the tape recorder and how he had that set up. Tom said he knew when OJ and his guys were coming to his room. Artie said it wasn't even OJ storming into someone's room, it was someone he knew and he was invited to the room. It was kind of a sting operation.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that it's like Tom played both sides and then got immunity from the police. Tom said that he wasn't playing both sides. Dominic said that he knew that this stuff was stolen so he was dealing in stolen property. Dominic said that he knew he was going to get remuneration by getting the 200 copies of the book for helping out. Dominic and Tom were going back and forth on the phone about that stuff but Tom wasn't answering all of the questions. Tom said that he didn't know that this stuff was stolen, he just knew that it was OJ's stuff and he was trying to help him get it back.
Dominic said that Tom was probably getting everyone drinks when they were down at the pool talking about this stuff. He said that Tom probably got really excited when he had all of this go down. Dominic was going off on the guy saying that now the feds are going to look into the movement of that property and they're going to be looking at Tom because he set the whole thing up. Tom said he spoke to the FBI in August and they knew about what was going on. He said they were cooperating with them before it all went down.
Dominic said that there's already an investigation going on into this whole thing and they're looking at Tom. Tom said that he was told the merchandise was in Nevada so that's why he thought it was there the whole time. He didn't know if it was going to be moved.
Robin asked Dominic what he thinks about the case and if he'll get off. Dominic ended up talking about Tom instead of the OJ thing so Howard told him that he really has to get going. Tom said that you can listen to some of the tapes yourself at Clips4Sale.com.
Howard asked if OJ got back all of his stuff after all of that. Tom said he did get that but the problem is that he took some other stuff that wasn't his. He said he's willing to give all of that stuff back though. Howard thanked Tom for talking to them and started to wrap up. Artie and Robin threw out a couple more questions for him though and ended up talking to him more about the case. Artie wondered if he thought anyone's life was in danger. Tom said of course he did, when the gun came out. Howard wrapped up and said they'll stay in touch with him as details unfold.
Artie said that he thinks it's weird that Tom would get wrapped up in this whole thing just for 200 copies of that book. He said he could understand it if it was the sports memorabilia but not the books. Fred said he was reading some contradicting information about the way things went down. He read that Tom had contacted that Alfred guy and not the other way around. Howard said that knowing OJ's past, if he was contacted about this stuff, he wouldn't want anything to do with it.
Howard said that Tom claims to have contacted the cops and the FBI so maybe that's what happened. Artie said that the payoff doesn't match the risk if you ask him. He said that there was just too much risk there. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about the case and what they thought was going on there. Howard said it'll be interesting to see how the whole thing unfolds.
Howard and the guys predicted what will happen with OJ. Fred thinks he'll get off free and Howard thinks that he'll serve 3 years. Fred said he thinks that they're going to let him walk after the jury hears everything. Artie thinks that OJ is guilty of a much lesser charge than they're making it out to be. Fred thinks that he was set up all the way down the line. Howard said that OJ is ''guilty, guilty, guilty!'' He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that it's really remarkable. He gave him a plug for his new book ''Mr. Skin's Skintastic Video Guide: The 501 Greatest Movies for Sex & Nudity on DVD'' and said that his movie is in there as one of the best movies for nudity. Mr. Skin said that Animal House was also in there and that movie, which came out in 1978, had a lot of nudity. The breasts that were in the scene were fake boobs which surprised him.
Artie talked about some of the girls in that movie and then Howard asked Mr. Skin to give him the top 5 nude comedies. Mr. Skin said that he didn't have the 5 but he said that Private Parts, Animal House and Trading Spaces were three of them. He gave Howard a rundown of the nudity in Private Parts and said that they counted the number of boobs that were in there.
Mr. Skin said that there used to be a lot of teen movies with nudity in them but then there were long periods where there was none at all. He said that Private Parts was a great one because they put so much nudity in it at a time when there wasn't a lot out there.
Howard said that he's remaking ''Porkey's'' and there's a lot of nudity in the script. Mr. Skin said that the original is one of his favorite movies and he wondered if Howard is going to leave one of his favorite lines in the script where, in the shower scene, one guy says that there's enough wool in there to knit a sweater. He's afraid that Howard is going to have fully shaved girls in the scene. Howard said they haven't gotten that far with the script yet so he's not sure about that.
Howard asked Mr. Skin for the top 5 lesbian movies of all time. Mr. Skin said that the movie Wild Side, from 1995, has Joan Chen and Anne Heche doing a good lesbian scene. Howard check out some of the video that the guys were showing on the monitor. Mr. Skin said that might be the best girl/girl scene in main stream movies. Howard said you see their titties and rubbing going on in the scene. Mr. Skin said you don't see any penetration but you do see ''vagine on vagine.''
Mr. Skin and Howard talked about this HBO show ''Tell Me You Love Me'' which is a great one because of the graphic nudity that they show on that. He said there's another one on Showtime where they show a lot of nudity in ''Californication.'' They talked about that and about the movie ''Bound'' which is another great girl/girl movie for Mr. Skin. Howard said that it really was a very sexual movie. Mr. Skin said he's a big fan of Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly so that one was overwhelming for him.
Howard asked Mr. Skin for the greatest sports movie for nudity. Mr. Skin said ''Slapshot'' was one of his favorite sports movies. He showed a clip of Melinda Dillon and she was the mom in the Christmas Story movie. The movie was done well before that. She has kind of banana tits according to Howard though. He said they were beautiful but they were baloney tits.
Mr. Skin also talked about Leah Thompson and a movie she did with Tom Cruise where he shows his ''cruise missile'' for a second. Howard said that it's amazing that Mr. Skin has retained all of this information. He's committed it to his memory and it's really quite amazing. Mr. Skin said he knows that some people find it very creepy, including Robin. Robin said that he's right about that. It is very creepy to her.
Mr. Skin talked about how his wife just had their third child a few weeks ago so Howard asked him how he's going to explain this to them. Mr. Skin said he's not sure how that's going to go.
Howard asked Mr. Skin for his five favorite movies of all time for nudity. Mr. Skin said that ''Basic Instinct'' was at number 5. ''Full Body Massage'' was number 4. They showed some clips of these movies in the studio so the guys could see who he was talking about. Mr. Skin said that Mimi Rogers is the star of that one in his opinion. ''Two Moon Junction'' was number 3 and that one has Sherilynn Fenn showing her boobs. Christy McNichol is in the movie as well. Howard said he's got to get that movie. Number 2 was ''Fast Times at Ridgemont High'' because of Phoebe Cates boobs. He said that those had to be real boobs.
Howard asked Mr. Skin who has the worst boob job in his opinion. He said that he was disappointed in Tatum O'Neil's boobs. He said that Cathy Bates are bad too. He said that the hairiest bush was this Susanna Hamilton from a movie in 1984.
Howard had Mr. Skin give the number one movie of all time for nudity. Mr. Skin said that it was ''Showgirls'' from 1995. He said that Elisabeth Berkley and Gina Gershon were naked and there are other girls nude throughout the whole movie. He said that you can see Elizabeth's asshole in the movie and you see everything else as well. Mr. Skin said that the movie itself isn't judged, just the nudity in the movie. Fred wanted to know why there are no foreign films in there. Mr. Skin said they do have them in the book, he just kept it American for this interview.
Howard asked Mr. Skin what got him involved in all of this stuff. Mr. Skin said that his family got cable and they got all of the pay cable channels and a betamax recorder so he was able to tape it all and watch it. He said he'd go through the cable guide and tape everything that had ''N'' next to it. He said he recorded this movie with Linda Carter in the movie and she had 4 nude scenes within the first 35 minutes of the movie. He said he'd take just those scenes and put them on a separate tape. He eventually turned that into MrSkin.com.
Mr. Skin brought up another movie that he remembered seeing on cable when he was young. He said he was trying to forward through this movie where Maureen McCormick gets topless. He said that was another amazing moment in his life. Howard said he just had a thought and he wants to option the story of his life. He talked about how fascinating it all is and how great it would be to make a movie out of it. Mr. Skin talked about how all of that stuff was on video tape and all squiggly back in those days.
Howard took some phone calls for Mr. Skin. One guy asked about a movie that Alyssa Milano was in where she gets topless. That one is called ''Embrace of the Vampire.'' The guys checked out a shot of her and Artie just about lost it when he saw her tits.
Mr. Skin told Howard that he wants to see ''Mean Dog Blues'' in digital because Tina Louise gets topless in that. Then there's another movie where the blonde from Lost in Space gets topless. He said he wants to see that one in digital as well.
Another caller asked Mr. Skin if he's a millionaire from this perversion. Mr. Skin said that he does very well with the web site. He said that he started out with him and one guy, now they have about 45 people working for the site. Howard said he started out doing it for himself and it was a pure thing. He did it for the love of the business. Howard said that he's passionate about the whole thing and that's why he's successful. Mr. Skin said that he loves what he does and he could never put men on the site because then he wouldn't want to come to work.
Artie said that the movie ''Auto Focus'' is the creepiest movie he's ever seen but there's amazing nudity in the movie and it's worth watching. That movie is in the book as well. Mr. Skin said that there are 39 breasts and one butt in the movie. They break it all down and count all of that stuff out for the book.
Mr. Skin said that the mainstream movie with the most breasts shown was Caligula. The guys said that the movie wasn't that mainstream. He said that it comes out with the most bushes at 46. They have Artie's movie ''Beer League'' all broken down in the book as well.
Fred asked about ''Personal Best'' and if that's part of the list. Mr. Skin said that it is in there but it's not out on digital. Artie said that Shindler's List should be in there too but Mr. Skin said that he promised his mom that he wouldn't do that. She works for the company as a Skintern. He said that they have the movie listed on the web site but no clips. He his mother asked him not to include that in the book. He said that you haven't lived until you get an e-mail from your mother asking ''is this shadow or bush?''
Gary came in and asked if it's true that Jessica Biel is going to be nude in her next movie. Mr. Skin said that we may have to wait to see how it looks because in the scene he saw, she was just showing her nude back.
Mr. Skin was telling Robin how good she looked when he saw her walk by the green room earlier. Gary asked Mr. Skin if he would ever think of doing a site with guys on it. Howard asked him if he was nuts and told him not to insult Mr. Skin. Gary said that there's a lot of money to be made there. Mr. Skin said he's asked about it all the time but he really doesn't want to see guys naked. He said they have meetings at work about lesbian scenes and stuff like that, he doesn't want to do that with men. Artie said the site isn't called ''Mr. Fag...''
Howard wrapped up with Mr. Skin a short time later and gave him some plugs for his stuff. He told him that he's his hero and went to break a short time later. He said they have Haydn Porter coming in after that.
The guys ended up talking about The Godfather a little bit. They were talking about the characters in the movie and why they got killed off.
Howard said that Haydn Porter stopped by to say hello this morning. She was on the show back in January and came back for a visit today. He said he's not sure why he was having her back in today. He said that she's a Superfan and all but he's not sure why he said yes. He said that she claims that she looks older now and wants to get naked for them.
Howard said that she still looks like a 9 year old. He said she looks younger than before. He said he's never going to have her naked on the show. He said that she still looks like a baby, she's still 18. He said that he saw her in Playboy and he thinks that he'd bang her. He said that she must be super tight. He said he'd probably explode in an orgasmic rage in seconds. He said it's almost like she was just born.
Howard said they make her look older in the magazine. She said that she doesn't know how to use makeup so she looks young. He said she looks about 15 sitting there. He said that he's 53 and if he starts banging an 18 year old, he'd be in trouble.
Howard said it's weird to have her on the show because he'd feel bad having her get naked. She figured it's because of his daughters. Howard said that's it, she looks like she could be his daughter's 14 year old friend. He told her that she could make a lot doing those underage-looking porn movies.
Haydn said that she got into Playboy when they came around to her school doing a casting thing. Howard said that she doesn't live in the dorm there anymore. She had a lot of bad experiences there. She said she was living in the honors house. Howard cut her off and asked what kind of grades she got. She said she gets good grades and got a 1380 on her SAT tests. She's not sure what she's going to do for a living though. She goes to the University of Tulsa.
Haydn told Howard that she saw the casting call and it was on her 18th birthday so the girls told her she should try it. She said that she never really gets hit on. She said that the guys that hit on her are usually older.
Howard asked her about Skippy banging her. Skippy is one of the guys that works there with them. He said that most of the guys there have hit on her. Haydn said that she wished that he hadn't talked about it because it looks bad. She said that it was kind of pushed upon her and she wasn't ready for a relationship. She said she had dated a guy for 3 and a half years and he took her call one night and saw her on Myspace. He talked to her and kind of went with it. It wasn't forced on her or anything but she said that it was a weird situation. She said that she didn't find him that cute or anything. She said that she was kind of lonely again and that's why she went for it. He kind of pushed himself into her life a little bit. He got involved with her web site and stuff like that and it made it difficult to turn things down.
Artie said that she needs to stay strong. He's been turned down a lot. Howard wanted to get Skippy on the phone but the guys weren't making it happen. He had him a few seconds later. Howard asked Skippy if he's still pining away for her. He said he's not but she was fuckin' hot. Robin asked how long it lasted. It went 5 months. Howard said that he must have got her a lot. He said that she lived far away so it was tough. Howard said he's sorry for him. Skippy said that everything after that was just mediocre. Haydn said that she'd never go back with him. Artie said he sounds kind of like a jerk off.
Howard said that this is probably about the best piece of ass he'll ever get. Skippy said he doesn't know about that. Howard said Haydn probably thinks the opposite about him. He was just kidding but Skippy didn't seem to like that. Howard asked Haydn if she'd do JD. She said that he looks like a guy in the Toxic Avenger.
Howard asked Haydn who else hit on her. Dan the Song Parody Man kind of did but she felt bad for talking about him. She said that they used to chat online and he offered to fly her out to Vegas to host a show. She said that she made it clear she wasn't interested and he stopped talking to her. Ralph talks to her but she doesn't want to do him. She said that Ralph wanted to take her to Scores. She said that he was a little touchy feely with her and tickled her when he met her. He didn't try to make out with her or anything.
Howard asked what happened with Double A. Haydn said that he's a creepy jerk off. She said that everything about him disgusts him. Artie asked if it was his features, the tattoos, the jewelry or something else. She said that it's a lot of things. She told Howard about how he inadvertently gave her Artie's phone number one time. She said he was trying to prove he was a cool guy by playing a voice mail he got from Artie. She never called Artie though. She said that he called her after that and called her a dumb little cunt from Oklahoma.
Robin asked Artie if he could date an 18 year old. Artie said that would be tough but she seems to be very mature. Howard said he could probably bang her.
Howard thanked Skippy for calling in and asked if he was okay. Skippy said he's moved on and she's a very cool chick. Howard asked her if she was good in bed. He said that she was excellent. He said he had nothing bad to say about her.
Ralph called in so Howard asked him if he hit on her. He told her to lose the goofy laugh. He said that she's also kind of sneaky and trying to find a way to be famous with the hotness. He said she's trying a lot of stuff and trying to get famous so it's kind of weird. He said that she kind of hits on him. He read an e-mail from her where she asked him to come into the studio with her. She said that wasn't flirtatious at all. He read another e-mail where she talked about thinking about him in the shower but she said she was being sarcastic in that.
Ralph said that he shouldn't talk shit about these people and pretend that she's upset about it. He said that she's like one of these dopey chicks who can't answer a question. He said that she's not all that smart.
The $300 that Ralph owes to Artie came up so the two of them got into that for a few minutes. Artie loaned him the money a few weeks back and Ralph hasn't paid him back yet.
Ralph said he probably tried to tickle her the last time she was there but he was just doing it as a friendly thing. Howard had Double A on the phone. He said that she's a fuckin bitch and said that she should tell everyone what a fuckin pig whore she really is. He called her a psycho bitch and said that she was the one calling him every minute. He said she's a douche bag whore and went off on her calling her a milk-white whore who was trying to throw people under the bus. Howard said that he's like an angry chihuahua.
Howard said that she's a young girl and she's going to play games so that's not surprising. Howard got a note that JD was upset with her so he had him come in. JD said that he was pissed that she'd say that he looks like the guy from the Toxic Avenger. He goofed on her laugh and said he doesn't need to hear that shit from a Superfan.
Eric the Midget was on the list of people that Haydn had run-ins with. She turned him in for calling Ryan Seacrest and he tried to turn it around on her by saying she likes Star Wars. Howard didn't want to get her naked in there today. Artie said that she's really a kid and it would be wrong. She wanted to just get naked for them though.
Haydn said that Richie Wilson wanted to play strip Star Wars with her. She said he was just kidding about that though. She said she just talks about that stuff online with people. Howard told Haydn to come back in when she's 20 and they'll have her do a bunch of stuff like riding the Sybian. Artie ended up doing his Double A impression of him going off on Haydn. Howard said that this is the stuff that goes on off the air. Artie said that the internet is a cauldron of shit.
Ham Hands Bill called in and told Haydn not to listen to them and just get naked. Bill told Robin to get naked too but no one could understand what he was saying because his connection was so bad. Another caller said that Double A is off the deep end and Ralph is creepy but Howard is off the deep end. He knows that he'd fuck the shit out of this chick if he could.
Irish John called in and told Howard to just get her naked. He said that she's 18 and in Playboy so she should be naked. Ralph called back and said that she went to the Playboy Midsummer's Night party. He asked her how that was. Haydn said that a high powered guy there propositioned her there. She said that she told the guy she didn't want to bang him and he kept saying no. He came back to her an hour later and tried to hit on her again.
Double A called back and said that Haydn once fingered herself on the phone with him. He had a message of her doing it on the phone and she was like a stalker with him. She said that he wanted her to cuddle with her. Artie laughed his ass off when he heard that. Double A was still going off on her as the guys were talking about that. She said that he asked her what she would do if he got a boner while they were cuddling.
Double A said he was going to get a recording of her sticking dildos up her ass and stuff like that. Double A denied ever giving her the number but she said she verified it with Will. Double A went off on her claiming that she's blown more guys than anyone else. Howard told him to get the tape and they'll play it on the air. Howard let him go after that. Haydn said that she'd let them play the tape if he can find it.
Howard said that Haydn has a lot of power there. He said that guys are going crazy after meeting her. He said that she's driving men nuts. She said that it makes her seem like a bitch but she's really not. She said that she's really nice (I can verify that).
Haydn said that Robin is looking really good and she thinks the high colonics are working for her. Howard said he can see why so many men are intrigued by her. Artie was still doing his Double A impression and goofing on the stuff he was saying during his two calls. Howard told her that if she was 20 years older, she'd be too old for him. He told her that if she was born a 5 years earlier, she's be right for him.
Howard gave Haydn a plug for her Myspace page at Myspace.com/haydnporter. She's also going to be on Superfan Roundtable tonight. Howard told her to be careful out there and keep her brother close.
Haydn looked kind of bummed out so Howard figured that's because she wasn't allowed to get naked. She said she used to be chubby and stuff so she just wants some approval. Howard wrapped up a short time later after she said that she had been in the May issue of Playboy and the July/August college girls edition and also the Coed of the month on Playboy's web site.
Howard moved on to Mike and his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Benjy has this whole thing with his age and he makes a big deal out of it. Benjy said that it's not a big deal but he doesn't want to get into it. Steve showed Benjy the information he had and Benjy said he may not have ever written that information.
Howard said he had a note from a guy who claims he was able to find out that Benjy is actually 36 and he shows that he was born in 1971. Steve said that's not the case, it's a false lead that Benjy created. He said that he did some research and they believe that he was born in 1967. Howard told Benjy that it's kind of girlie not to just admit his age. He said that trying to be a young comedy writer is just dumb. He said that Benjy is off his rocker.
Howard asked Benjy to swear on the life of his mother that he's not 40 years old. He swore on the life of his mother that he wasn't 40 years old. Steve said that they asked to see his ID card yesterday but he claimed he didn't have one. The guys talked about how Benjy doesn't have any form of ID other than his student ID from Penn State.
Benjy said that he asked them not to talk about this on the air. Gary said that they have proof that Benjy graduated high school in 1985 and asked Benjy about that. Benjy didn't want to go there and wouldn't say if he graduated 3 years early. Benjy said there are things in his life that he doesn't want to talk about and this is one of those things. Howard said that this is the first interesting thing that's ever come up.
Artie said that Benjy threatened them saying that he could say stuff about all of them that would ruin their lives. Howard said he'd like that game. He thinks that Benjy is just doing this to get some attention on the show. Gary said that he keeps telling them that he had conversations with them about this stuff and that he doesn't want to talk about it.
Howard had Steve get back to his news stuff. Steve said that they'll have more on Eric the Midget and how he's trying to write a children's book with Diana DeGarmo now. Artie said that kid is radio gold. Steve said that they also have some news on Scott DePace posting messages on SternFanNetwork while the show is going on. Howard said he has a problem with that if that's what he's doing.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about the Tom Riccio interview that happened today. He said that they'll also talk about Mr. Skin's visit and he'll stop by to talk about that. They'll also talk about Haydn Porter's visit and her motives for being there.
Mutt was on the phone to talk about Superfan Roundtable. He said that they have Haydn on the show and also have Tabitha Stevens coming up for a quick interview. Mutt said that they're going to talk about all of the great interviews that went on this week and compare that to the weeks when they don't have that many guests. Mutt said he likes the interviews himself.
Howard said he went on SFN last night and thought that there would be some great feedback about the show. People weren't so thrilled with the shows this week. He said he doesn't get it, he thought those were his fans. Howard had Robin start her news a short time later.
Robin started her news and talked about the Emmy Awards a little bit. They talked about how bad Ryan Seacrest was in the role as host. Robin read through some other various stories and had the guys commenting on those. They talked more about the OJ Simpson case a little bit. Robin also played a clip of Jessica Alba talking about Dane Cook being a great comedian. Howard said that she thinks she's too good to come on the show but she should get in there.
Robin wrapped up her news and Artie got in some plugs for some appearances he's making. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about the super bowl bets he has to pay off. He said that they were just going to call it a push. He said he had won $100 from Jackie on one bet but then the point spread was a push for everyone that bet on that.
Tom came in to talk about something but Howard told him to get out. He didn't want to get into all of this with him right then so he told him to get lost. Howard went through his bets and figured that he could have won a lot more in the betting but then he saw that no one ever wrote down something he'd bet on. He read off what he did win and lose and said he won $300. Robin said she won something but it was something weird like the first turnover. Howard told her that she only owes him $250 in that case.
Howard and Stuttering John were the big betters in the whole thing according to Gary. John came in and talked about what he won and lost. The guys also talked about the game and the goofy show boating the players were doing when they'd get a touchdown. Howard said they have to let those guys keep doing that stuff, it shows that they're still into the game.
Howard and the guys talked about the James Brown performance during half time. He was trying to lip sync but there was nothing coming out when he'd let out a ''Yeow!'' ZZ Top was also there performing and Gary said that they should have been brought out for the 1987 game, not for the 1997 game.
Howard said he was talking to Rob Zombie over the weekend and they were talking about the woman who died during rehearsal at the half time show. They dedicated it to her and put her name up at the end. It was dedicated to Dinky Patterson. Howard said he thought that was a dude's name and had no idea it was a woman. He said they should name someone on the staff Dinky. Gary said that he's got enough names so he doesn't need another one.
Robin said that Gary won a lot in the station's football pool. The guys went through that and then had Tom come in to talk about what he won and lost.
Howard got back to the Dinky Patterson thing and read a story about her death. The guys also talked about the amazing amount of money that must be spent on commercials by companies like Budweiser.
Howard talked about Sam Kinison doing a movie and getting screwed over. He said that it is easy to get screwed over in a movie because they can change the script at the last minute and turn it into crap.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's pissed that Robin got a higher billing in the movie than Mary McCormack. He said he loves Robin but she's stiff and ridged. Howard said Robin tested very high in the previews so she did just fine.
Howard talked about the web site for the movie and how he tried downloading the trailer. He said it took forever though. The file was 9 megabytes and it was taking very long. He said he's got an ISDN line so it should have been pretty fast. Gary said he's only got a 14.4 modem so Howard told him it would probably take a month to download.
Steve Grillo came in and said that there are pictures of the guys from the show on that web site. He said that there was a picture of Gary on there. Howard said there's a picture that's supposed to be Jackie but it's actually Brian from AC/DC. Grillo said he thinks they fixed that. He told Howard the picture of Gary was pretty funny because he didn't look like he was ready for the picture to be taken.
Howard talked about the chat room on the site and how that wasn't working for him. He said he had to download a bunch of crap to chat but it wasn't working for him.
Howard asked Gary where he watched the game. He said he watched it over at a friend's house so Howard figured he didn't have a good time. Howard said that his kids talk through the game so he won't let them watch with him, he goes into his basement to watch it alone.
Robin talked about the friends she had over to watch the game and a couple of them were guys. That led to Gary talking about some of the strange things Robin has at her apartment. He was up at her apartment one day and saw some of the unique things she has.
Howard asked Robin about the guys she had to hear apartment. She said that one of the guys is an old friend by the name of Tony. Howard said that he's a good looking guy but he's no Michael Swan. Howard said that Tony is into law enforcement and once handcuffed Robin to the refrigerator. Robin said she wasn't doing anything wrong that day. Howard said that guy did that just to shut her up, it wasn't a sexual thing. Robin said she went out and stood on her balcony after having dinner one night and he came out to her and asked her why she wasn't going to help him out. He went inside and then came back out and handcuffed her to the fridge. He was going to chain her up to this chin-up bar he had set up in the doorway but she told him that wasn't happening. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said he didn't know anyone that was there at the party. Robin asked why he puts himself into situations like that. Howard said he had to go to the party, he didn't want all of those parents showing up to his house. He said it's hard to know what to do. He said he was the video guy at the party and had to make sure the battery was charged for the video camera. Robin told him he could have hired someone but he said they've tried that before. They usually suck. He said you have to worry about him making copies and stuff too.
Howard said he was sick this weekend and he had to go to this party. He went to the party that was supposed to last an hour. They needed the parents there because you can't leave a 4 year old unattended for too long. Howard said that his 4 year old is actually smarter than him and she's very difficult to deal with. He said there were also kids there beating each other up and stuff. He said the sugar must have kicked in after a while and then the kids were just screaming and beating the crap out of each other. The party got out of control after that.
Howard said he thinks that the fish that survived may have some brain damage. He said they were starved of oxygen so they might be retarded now. He said that the fish guy is a real nice guy but he should be coming over more often to check on his tank. Howard said he's going to drain out all of the water and just put lizards, or maybe a dog, in the tank instead. He said that he didn't know what he was doing with all of those fish anyway.
Howard said that he's going to get to the bottom of it and find out what caused the deaths. He said that the guy was telling him what happened and there was a tube that had a hole drilled through it that caused a slow drip or something. The whole system shut down and he had no idea it had shut down because he knew so little about it.
Robin told him that this was going to happen. She knew that his fish were going to die. They require a lot of maintenance and he should have known that. Howard said he's going to have a meeting with a bunch of people to work this out. He said that those fish must know that they're going to die.
Howard said that on Sunday he watched the Super Bowl and saw his movie TV commercial. It seemed to last for just two seconds though. Robin said she taped it to make sure she didn't miss it. She said that everyone started screaming for her when it came on but she still missed it.
Howard said he called Rick Ruben recently and got his assistant. Rick wasn't around so he asked her what's going on under that beard of his. He wondered if he's got zits and stuff under there. He spent a minute talking about that and about other big beards like the guys in ZZ Top.
Howard told Gary that he's a type B personality and that's why he missed the bets that they made on the air. He said that Gary should have gone back and checked the tape again if he was a Type A. Gary told Jackie to try and get his hundred bucks out of Robin himself. Jackie said he'd already given up on that.
Howard goofed on Gary about the Type B and Type A thing for a short time. He said that a Type B will live much longer because he cares so little and doesn't get stressed out. Gary asked Robin what type she is. She said that she's a Type C. Gary said she got that right and said ''C U Next Tuesday.''
Howard said that Gary is one of those guys who is asleep when he's awake. He told Gary that he would play the tape after taking a break. He continued to goof on Gary though. Jackie started goofing on him too and made fun of those giant teeth and lips of his. He said that the E! guys need to make sure they put that face on TV so everyone can see it. Gary goofed on Jackie about having to pay for his wife's recording studio and all of that stuff. Jackie wanted Howard to play the tape so they could get that out of the way but Howard was still goofing on Gary's Type B personality. They went to break a short time later.
Stuttering John came in to explain why he didn't have his bet money yet. He lost his bank card so the bank had to send him a new one and he wasn't able to get the money yet. Jackie told him he shouldn't have placed the bets then. Howard said he knew last night what he owed so he should have been prepared. John said he wasn't quite sure about one of the bets so he didn't know exactly how much he owed. John said he will pay though and he always has.
A woman called in and asked what happened to the guy who was snoring on the show last week. Howard said he had this guy who snored on the phone for an hour. He said he left him on the line through his show and then through John's show and then through some of Sluggo's show in afternoon drive.
Howard said that Sluggo told the guy that they were going to send someone down to arrest him for staying on the line for so long. The guy thought they were serious and was all worried the whole weekend after he told him that. The woman asked what his question was that was so important. He said it was something about Howard playing basketball against Robin.
The snorer told Howard that Sluggo told him that he'd dialed 911 and tied it up all day, that's why he thought the cops were coming to get him. The caller said he was hiding pipes and stuff that he used to use when he was younger. Howard and Robin goofed on the guy a little bit. They found out the guy was late to go pick up his kid at school because he slept so long.
The snoring guy said that he works at Earl Scheib painting cars and stuff. Howard said his father used to go to those body shops for work on his car. They were cheap but the paint wasn't all that great.
The woman asked Howard what the results of Ralph's test were last week. Howard told her that Ralph failed the lie detector test. The woman said that Ralph does seem to be a bit of a fag. She wrapped up and got off the line. The snoring guy asked if he could get a copy of his snoring on tape. Howard said he can't give him that. The caller said that he's got money to pay for it if they can get it for him. He told Howard that he's ''nig*er rich'' and he's got enough money to pay for that kind of stuff and to go see Howard's movie.
Gary came in with some tape of the guy being waken up on the Sluggo show. Howard was impressed that Gary actually had that for them. He said he just wanted to hear the guy wake up. He played the tape and Sluggo asks him what his emergency is. The guy says there is no emergency so Sluggo jerks him around and tells him that he dialed 911 and must have passed out. He asked him if he was okay and if he was on any drugs. Sluggo kept him on the line for a few minutes asking him a bunch of questions about what he was up to the night before. The guy even gave out his phone number and the guys didn't bleep it out.
Gary came in to explain himself over the tape not being bleeped. He said he heard it on the air and it was bleeped on the air so he's not sure what had happened. Howard had to keep hitting the delay to cut out the numbers that were being given out and dialed. Sluggo kept jerking the guy around telling him about the cops being sent to his house and asking him what he was going to talk about. The guy didn't even know what he was going to ask Howard. He had written down his piece of paper but he'd lost it by this point.
Sluggo had asked the guy if he'd be willing to have a drug test performed on him when the cops get there. Snoring guy was kind of surprised by that question. He kept him going for a couple of minutes before letting him go.
Howard had Crackhead Bob auditioning for Tommy but Tommy wanted to give out the number that they have for setting up the real auditions. Howard had Bob saying some lines from the Cheech and Chong movies.
Howard eventually had Bob and Tommy rehearsing some lines and talking to each other. Tommy just wanted to plug the 900 number he had though. Howard said he thinks that he should just take Bob the way he is and forget about looking for someone else. Tommy said that he wants Bob to help him find the next Cheech.
Howard told Tommy about Bob's history and how he ended up having a stroke after smoking crack. They spent some time on that and then Howard talked to Tommy about his movie and how well it's been testing so far. Tommy said he's anxious to hear about the movie and the buzz going on about it. Howard said he'd invite him to the premiere too.
Howard talked about how he had gotten Cheech and Chong back together on his Channel 9 show years ago. He said that was a great moment. He told Tommy that he really should use Bob as the next Cheech. He did a scene with Bob and Bob wasn't acting stoned enough for Tommy. He told him to pretend he was stoned so Bob did that and sounded better to Tommy then. Bob was coming up with some lines of his own and Howard thought they were great.
Howard and Tommy talked about their kids for a short time. Tommy told Howard to enjoy them while they're young. He said he didn't do that and he kind of regrets it. Howard said that his daughters are hot and he should keep making more. Tommy said that those days are over for him.
Howard asked Bob to tell Tommy why he thinks he should work with him. Bob said something unintelligible but Tommy didn't seem impressed. Howard let Tommy go a short time later and said he'd go see a movie with those two in it.
Howard said that instead of that line ''Dave's not here'' from the old movies, it would be ''Bob's not all here.'' He had Bob say that line when he knocked on the door. It didn't come out like expected but Howard still liked it and said that would be great. He tried to do a scene with Bob but Bob was trying to act too much and it wasn't coming out quite right. He told him not to try and act, just be himself. They had some fun with that for a couple of minutes pretending to smoke pot.
Howard asked Dick who's richer, him or Paul McCartney. Dick said that Howard always asks him those inappropriate questions. Dick went into his pitch for the American Music Awards and mentioned some of the names of the stars who were going to be doing things on there. He mentioned Pam Anderson and talked about her a little bit.
They also talked about Tom Cruise which led to them talking about Scientology. Howard wanted to know what was up with that and why Dick doesn't come out against it. Dick said that it helps some people so there's no reason to come out against it.
Robin said that she thinks that Scientology must work because both Tom Cruise and John Travolta are the top guys in Hollywood and they're both Scientologists. Dick wanted to promote the stuff he was calling in to promote. He didn't want to go down that Scientology route.
Howard talked to Dick about his show and Dick said that Tony Braxton was going to be wearing something so sexy that the censors were freaking out already. Howard told Dick that he's looking great these days. He asked Dick to come out and visit live sometime. He'd like to see him in the studio. They wrapped up a short time later and let Dick go.
Howard and the guys were talking about dick and how he got the job on American Bandstand. Howard wanted to know more so he told Gary to get him back on the phone. Gary wasn't able to do that but he came in and told Howard about how Bob signs autographs and how long it takes him to do it. He had Bob demonstrate that and he signed his real name, George Harvey, instead of Crackhead Bob. Howard had Bob try to sign that name after that. Gary said he was having some trouble doing it. Howard said that was beautiful and then went to break.
Howard agreed to let them in the studio to hear the song. What a mistake that was. As soon as they came in they started yelling at Crackhead Bob to get the hell out of the studio. They did the same to Gary. The one guy who seemed to be the leader of the nightmare kept saying that his band was the best and all others just plain suck. He put down every band that's on Howard's soundtrack.
Eventually Howard played some of their song and it sucked. It sounded like a bad 1980's Stevie Ray Vaughn song. Their manager, who had a very unique voice, tried to explain why this band was the next big thing. He said that everyone out there is doing grunge and hip-hop. Not these guys. They're doing something that no one else is doing.
At one point during this fiasco the lead Jesus Twin got in an argument with Fred. He started to make a move to confront Fred but Crackhead Bob saved the day. He held the guy back with his bad arm!
Howard never said that he really liked the song but said it was ''an okay song''. I think that was just to get the guys to leave the studio. Once they did leave the studio a call came in from a big wig over at Epic Records. He said that he might be interested in hearing more of their stuff. When the Jesus Twins heard the guy on the phone they didn't care. They don't need a record deal with a real company I guess. Howard went to break a short time after the guys left.
Robin read through some of her news stories and Howard commented on some of that stuff. Howard ended up talking about the days when he didn't have a job and how his father told him to go out and find something. He started pounding the pavement out in Manhattan and he'd end up getting lost. He said that he'd go to the same coffee shop and read the paper. Then he'd just walk up and down the street doing nothing. He said that he'd have Amway people pull up next to him and ask him to come to meetings. He said they can somehow spot losers like that walking the streets.
Howard said he bought some lottery tickets one day and his father saw that. He told him that the only people who buy those things are dummies. He stopped buying them after that. Gary said he got addicted to that stuff a few years ago. He had a guy on the phone who said that he knew a guy in an office that was in a pool at work and actually won the lottery. He didn't tell anyone in the office and collected the money without telling the rest of the employees. They found out about it and threatened to kill him.
Howard doesn't understand why anyone would chip in on a lottery pool like that. The caller said he told his wife the same thing because she was the one who told him that story. The caller said that the guy should jump in on any lawsuit that comes out of the deal. Howard cut the guy off a short time later since he was going on and on about that stuff.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:20am (Master Tape Theatre time).
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