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Howard started off the show saying that they're back live after their week long vacation. He said it hardly matters what date it is because they're stuck to a life sentence there. Artie was wearing his sun glasses this morning so Howard goofed on him about that and asked him if he did any heroin over vacation. He said he didn't do that but he did let down his weight loss team. He said the worse thing happened. He won $20,000 in the final four games. Robin thought that was amazing but Howard said that wasn't the end of the story. Artie said that' right, he's actually up by $35,000.
Artie said he got to see his scene from ''Entourage'' the other day and he thinks he looks like some guy who won an acting job on the show. He said he just looked dorky during that show. He said he was talking about how they had to change some of the lines in the show so they could show these shows on regular TV. They can't even say ''piece of crap'' on regular TV now. They have to change the line to ''Piece of junk'' instead.
Artie said he took some people out to lunch the day he was in the city for this thing. Will came out with him and he told him what he liked in the final four. He decided to put ten grand on the game and won so now he's put his bookie out of business which is something he's never done before. He said he's now up by 12 grand for the year. He said his bookie is a small time guy so it wasn't too hard to put him out of business for a while.
Artie said once he won that money he stopped thinking about dieting. He said he was actually getting good for a little while on his diet but then it fell apart after the bet.
Howard said they were off for a week and it was nice to hear that he didn't do any heroin. Artie said he was listening to the Mammary Lane last week where KC talked about how he had won and lost $330,000 on a gambling web site. Howard said that was the worst story he ever heard. He said KC had a lot of problems and didn't know just how messed up he was. He told Artie that KC looked like a winner while Artie looks like a loser whether he's winning or losing.
Howard told the story of KC's gambling and how he had hit a royal flush on goldenpalace.com and won somewhere around $330,000. He made the story short and said that KC figured he could take that money and set up his life perfectly. Within a week or so all of that money was gone. Artie said he had forgotten that KC was going to get $4,000 a week as the payout and he could have been set. He blew it all within a week. He was down to $200,000 within a day. Howard said KC had some kind of system he was using and he still managed to lose it all that fast. You'd think that KC would have stopped at $200,000 but he kept going until it was all gone.
Artie said that KC could have solved a lot of problems if he had kept the money. Artie said that royal flush he had was something very rare and he can't believe the guy had that kind of luck and then blew it all. Robin reminded the guys that KC had gone out and gotten an apartment when he won the money. He had a nice apartment, a nice TV and he seemed to be set.
Howard said the odds of getting that flush that KC got was 1:649,000. Gary told Howard he remembers KC telling him about the win and how he gave him a hug thinking he was all set. He also remembered him telling him that he had lost it all just a short time later. He said KC never thought that he'd lose all of the money when he was betting it all.
Gary said he knows what happened. Howard asked her what was going on. She said that the title means so much to her. Gary said that she just got upset about the Miss Black Howard Stern thing. She said that did get to her and she knows that her title still stands but she wants to meet Miss Black Howard Stern and maybe do a photo shoot with her or something. She said she really just wants to come and see Howard and the guys. Howard told Gary to call off the Miss Chinese Howard Stern contest and told Andrea that she is always Miss Howard Stern and she's always welcome there.
Gary said he heard that Andrea saw Miss Black Howard Stern's entry tape and she got upset about that. Gary said that Charlie, Miss Black Howard Stern, was joking in her tape and said that she wouldn't have a black baby if she got pregnant and had a kid like Andrea did. It was just a joke but he heard that Andrea got upset about that.
Howard told Andrea that she is welcome there anytime and was trying to think of her last name. She said that her full name is Andrea Brooke Ownbey. Howard sounded a little confused by the whole thing. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said that last week the fans voted for Sanjaya and kept him in for another week. Robin said she didn't remember to vote and couldn't find out the number to call. Artie wondered if they all got put in a house or something. Howard told him he had the wrong show, that's Big Brother. Howard was also saying that he got a call from Melissa Gilbert who asked him what he was doing about this Sanjaya thing because she hates him.
Howard said that Ralph did a show on Tuesday night with Eric the Midget and others and the show got rave reviews. He said Ralph came up with the whole show idea and was doing an Eric the Midget impression. That led to Howard talking about how Eric has changed his mind and is voting for Sanjaya now. He had a change of heart and is now on their side.
Howard had some audio clips from Ralph's show where he talked about this Sanjaya thing and how Eric was on their side now. Ralph and Jason were talking to Eric about voting for Sanjaya. Eric said that when you can't beat them, join them. Artie said they should stop now if that's the case. Howard figures that if Eric joined, then others have to be coming on their side too. He said it will be great if they can make him a winner and ruin that whole show.
Robin heard that Sanjaya wasn't even close to being kicked off the show last week. Howard played a clip from last week's American Idol where they announced that he was safe. Artie said his mother is really into the show and earlier he told Howard that she told him to tell Howard that she hates Sanjaya. Howard said that with his fans and with that web site VoteForTheWorst.com, they can do this thing.
Howard played another clip where Ralph asked Eric to tell them what the number was to vote for Sanjaya. Eric gave the number but used the letters instead of just giving the numbers. Gary gave Howard a letter that Jon Hein's daughter sent to him asking him to stop with the Sanjaya thing. Howard read the letter and said that he's not going to stop now. He said his daughter who is out of the country right now thinks that it's a very funny thing he's doing. He said they don't care enough about that show to get upset about it.
Howard and the guys were talking about how big this Sanjaya kid has become and how he's got to be the biggest star ever on there. He said that this one girl who was on a hunger strike to get Sanjaya voted off had to call off the hunger strike because he doctor advised her it was a bad idea. Howard said of course he did, that's the point of a hunger strike. He said that she probably figured he was going to be voted off. He played some audio from her YouTube video where she talks about coming off the hunger strike and tells people that it could end badly for them if others continued.
Robin wondered how old this girl was. Howard figured she was in her 20s and figured that she didn't go on any hunger strike because she was chubby when she started and still chubby when he saw her in this latest video. He had another clip of this guy Matt who is also on a hunger strike for the same reason. He said that he's staying on the strike and things have changed for him. He said he's purely water right now and not eating anything. He went to the doctor and he's been taking vitamins. He goofed on Sanjaya about the stupid hair cut he had and how he's probably miserable because he sucks so bad. Artie said that at least Sanjaya is eating and gave some advice to this guy on the hunger strike... ''Just have a sandwich, fag.''
Howard said that Bill O'Reilly found some lawyer who claims that what he's doing to American Idol is illegal. He played the audio clip where O'Reilly talked to that female lawyer who claims that Howard is doing something illegal by disrupting the TV show the way he is. The woman says that the American Idol producers could sue because people are interfering with the show in a malicious way. She claims that this is equivalent to libel or slander from what she's saying. Bill seems to be trying to defend Howard and the fans who are voting for Sanjaya. He said it could actually be encouraging more people to watch. She says that they have no way of judging that. Howard said they could just check the ratings. They goofed on her for being so clueless.
Howard continued playing the audio where this lawyer is saying that there are more talented people on that show. She thinks that people are under Howard Stern's spell and that's why they're going along with this. Howard laughed and started chanting ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey.'' Bill said that no one is under Howard Stern's spell and he can't force people to do something like this. The fans have to make that decision themselves. Artie said that Bill should have just ended the segment at that point when he heard her stupid comments. Howard told Gary to get this lawyer chick on the phone as well as the two people who were fasting so he can talk to them.
Howard said the exciting news is that Eric the Midget is on their side now. He had Eric on the phone so he asked him how this all came about. Eric said that he was thinking about how he could get himself out of this wrestling contest he was going to be in so that was part of it. He also said that the deck is severely stacked against him and he knew he couldn't fight it anymore. Howard said he's kind of sad that Eric isn't against them now. He welcomed Eric to their side so he asked him how many times he voted last week. Eric said he got in about 125 votes.
Howard asked Eric if he feels better now. Eric said he does feel better and he even recorded himself voting for Sanjaya to prove that he was doing it. Howard wanted to hear it so he asked Eric to play the clip. Eric said that he figured that 125 votes in an hour was more than enough. Eric played the clip from the phone call and Howard told him they didn't have much to talk to him about now that he's no longer against them. Artie told him ''goodbye'' after that. Howard spent another few seconds with Eric before he let him go. Eric was talking about how he'd still like to go on a date with Diana Degarmo. Howard said he thinks that means Eric wants to fuck her but he said that would be up to her. Artie had her answer for him and told him it's an absolute ''No'' on the dating and the fucking. Eric shot back with ''That's something you hear a lot fatso...''
Artie said that she asked for a key and that's when he sat her down and had a discussion with her. Howard said he hopes that he recorded that. Artie joked that he had but really hadn't. He said he really didn't want to be committed to anyone at this point and she kind of got it. She didn't cry or anything. Howard asked Artie if he told her that she would never find another 293 pound heroin addict.
Robin said that Akira is still serious about Artie and wondered if he got her. Artie said he didn't. He said he did take another chick out to a Yankee game and to an Allman Brothers concert. Gary was also at that concert. Artie said that this new chick is also from Philly and he'd love to get her on the show because she's got this Philly accent that's great. Artie said he met her at a gig a few years ago and gave her a call to go out on this date.
Artie said he's used to going to baseball games with his friends. This time he paid for four people to go to this game. The seats are $150 a piece and then he has to buy food and stuff. He has some great box seats that Gary has seen before. Artie said Howard could never go because he would get mobbed. Howard interrupted and said that he was down in Miami and people were taking his picture out on the beach. He said that he's done with that place now though.
Howard said his cold went away within two days of getting down there. He said he was out on the beach and within minutes there was a professional camera crew taking his picture. He said he got into a verbal fight with the photographer and gave him a ''fuck you'' after his sarcastic ''thank you!'' Howard said he went over to give Beth a kiss in the pool and that kiss ended up all over the news and on Extra TV. He said he's really done with the whole Miami thing now. He said it's too damn annoying to do that stuff.
Howard had some audio from ''Extra'' where they talked about he and Beth down in Miami. Howard said he's going to Pakistan on his next trip. He doesn't want anything to do with that. Robin said that it is kind of news when you catch someone like that being intimate. Howard said he can picture chicks seeing that and saying that it's disgusting that the two of them kiss.
Howard said he'll be going to Auschwitz on his next vacation. That way maybe no one will find them and take their pictures. Howard said that he remembers hearing David Lee Roth tell a story about how he used to go mountain climbing to avoid the fans and he was out in some jungle somewhere hiking for three days and came upon this camp where they actually recognized him.
Howard said he remembers telling Beth that he thought someone was taking their picture with a camera phone but he didn't want to go up to the guy and say anything because he wasn't positive he was actually doing that.
Artie got back to his Yankee game story and said that he spent over $1,100 at the game. That included the tickets and food. He said that they had a waitress service there so he got some food and ate there at the stadium. Artie was also drinking a lot according to Gary. Artie said that the chick he was with was drinking a bit too.
Gary said that Artie took that chick to the Yankee game and also took her to Stand Up New York to test out a little material. He thinks that was a cool move on his part because he was showing off a little bit for her. Artie said that he even got in back stage at the Allman Brothers concert. He said they didn't even know he was coming and he still got in. Gary brought his son there with him and the guys figured that he got his first contact high being there. Gary said that the audience was full of old hippies and they were all shaking his kid and saying hello to him.
Gary was also saying that his son Jackson has been taking guitar lessons so he was just hanging out and watching the guys play on stage.
Howard said that in the movie there's this stealth plane that can be invisible. The plane gets stolen and sent to Afghanistan and they load it up with weapons and stuff. They have to find someone who can get the plane back so Steven Seagal is the right guy for the job. Steven goes over to get the plane but his whole team of guys gets killed. He's the only one left but he manages to recover the plane but he also flies it and then maneuvers the plane and has a dog fight with the black guy who was the expert who stole it. Gary asked him why he doesn't just turn the plane invisible. Howard said that's exactly what he does and that's how he beats the guy. Then Seagal says ''job done'' and never broke a sweat. Howard goofed on Seagal's movies and how he's always named ''John'' in them. He and the guys were talking about some of the ridiculous plots and the way he fights people and always wins.
Artie said he got to meet Greg Allman at the show he went to so he told Howard about that. He said Greg came up to him and introduced himself. It was during a song so it was kind of unexpected but they really didn't have much of anything to say to each other. Artie said he had the exact same conversation with him that he did with Bruce Springsteen.
Gary said that they had one complaint about the show when they had a half hour drum solo that was being played by a bunch of guys, not just one guy. That led to the guys talking about jams and how awful they can turn out to be.
Howard said he had to go to break but he still had Eric the Midget on the phone. Eric said that he was waiting for the trivia contest they had coming up. They also had Shannon James coming in. Eric asked Howard if they could change his name to Eric the Actor now that he's on their side. Howard gave him a quick ''no'' and there was some dead silence for a few seconds. Howard said that they're doing this trivia thing with Eric later this morning so he put him on hold. The whole thing is kind of pointless at this point since they were supposed to have Eric vote for Sanjaya if he had lost.
Bill and the lawyer continue talking about the American Idol thing and Howard figures they must have found an actress to play the part of the lawyer or something. He can't imagine that she's an actual lawyer. Howard joked that he's thinking about filing a lawsuit against the writers of Lost because they've wasted his time so much lately. Artie asked if they watched the new episode of The Sopranos. Howard hadn't seen it yet so he as them not to talk about it yet.
Howard played the final few seconds of the Bill O'Reilly show. He said he really wants Gary to find out if that woman is a real lawyer. He said he finds it hard to believe that she's for real. Gary said he tried finding out more about her but when they got her phone number, it was a fax line. He said they are looking into it more and trying to find out what's up with her.
Howard said Imus is 100 years old and has no ratings on his show but they call it ''the wildly popular Imus show'' in the paper. He said it's not wildly popular, it doesn't get any ratings. He went on to say that Imus called the Rutgers woman's basketball team a bunch of ''nappy headed hos'' or something like that. He said that's actually nothing compared to what he said behind the scenes at WNBC when they were there. They should have fired him at NBC when he called Brenda the N-word but that never happened.
Howard said he just saw that Opie and Anthony had a 0.0 rating when they went out to Las Vegas. He said that's almost impossible to do on the radio and he was only pointing it out because of how hard it is to get such a low rating. That led to Artie quoting a scene from ''Animal House'' where Blutarski's grade point average was a 0.0. Artie said that's like there's not one person listening out there. They goofed on them for a short time about that.
Howard said that any other radio personality would be fired for making racist comments like Imus did. They spent a short time talking about that whole thing and how Imus is going to go apologize to black people on Al Sharpton's radio show. Howard said it just shows you how media companies are desperate for ratings and won't even fire this guy after making those comments. MSNBC is saying they didn't know what happened there and it was the radio station that did it and they had no control over it. Howard said it's on their air though so they are responsible.
Howard got back to the Opie and Anthony thing and had Tim Sabean come in to talk about how low their ratings are. Tim said that they had another 0.0 in Chicago as well. Howard said he doesn't want to put them down because they're in a tough position. No one was sure what that tough position was though. Howard said that it just shows that Viacom is stuck and trying to do anything they can to replace him.
Howard said that he will never be on the air when he's Imus' age. He played the audio from his show where Imus called the girls from Rutgers ''some nappy headed hos.'' Howard said Imus probably would have been fine with that but then one of his other guys got on and quoted a line from one of Spike Lee's movies. They threw out a couple more racial slurs and that's probably what drove them over the edge. Howard said that if he ever gets to that age that Imus is at and he's still on the radio, he's going to dress up like a fireman or something. He said that Imus dresses up like a cowboy so it's like he's dressing up in costume. He said that would be like him dressing up like a knight or something like that.
Artie said that Imus' show was unfunny even when he was trying to be funny. They were trying to do funny stuff but it just doesn't work. Howard had the apology that Imus made on his show. Fred was doing his impression of Imus before Howard even played the clip. Fred had it down pretty well. Howard played the clip where Imus says that he's apologizing for what they said and quickly moved right on to other things.
Howard said they start throwing his name into the articles about Imus but there's one big difference between them. He said he doesn't hate black people like Imus does. He never called a black woman the N-word in the hallway like Imus did.
Sour Shoes called in as Greg Allman and played some Allman Brothers music for Artie. Artie said Greg hasn't sounded that good in 30 years. He went into his Greg Allman impression and tried talking to Howard a little bit as Greg. He played a couple of songs and goofed around with them for a short time.
Howard played Sal the Stockbroker's apology tape where he was apologizing for the comments he made about white women not having sex with black men unless they're drunk. Howard was comparing that to the Imus apology. Artie and Robin were laughing their asses off at that Sal apology. Howard said it was longer than Imus' apology. Robin said it was also more heartfelt.
Howard and the guys were talking about these ''blood diamonds'' but Howard said he wasn't even sure what that meant. Robin explained to him what it was all about and how there was a whole movie about it. Howard said that he was assured that his diamond was not a blood diamond. The guys talked about that for a short time.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he woke up one morning and saw the ugly picture of Imus in the paper. That led to the guys talking more about Imus. Howard wondered why that guy won't retire. He just keeps going. Bobo read a story about how CBS couldn't afford to let him go because he's had a 39 percent jump in his ratings.
Lisa mentioned that Comedy Central has purchased the rights to Artie Lange's Beer League movie and they'll start playing that this fall. Artie said it was huge news and they paid some good money for that. He said that they really promote stuff really well and they wanted the movie right from the start when they saw the premiere.
Lisa also mentioned that a few other celebrities are pushing for the Sanjaya thing. She said that Zach Braff, Pink, Perez Hilton and Rose McGowan have all been pushing for him to win. Howard said he had some tape of that somewhere so JD came in and told him where it was. Howard said he missed JD and goofed on his mumbling a little bit. They also noticed he had a new hair style so they had some fun talking about that. They were also doing his whooping laugh a little bit.
Howard said that JD and Lisa G looked like a nice couple standing next to each other. Howard told JD that he's really not a bad looking guy and he just needs some confidence. He asked Lisa what happens that would turn her off to him. She said she sometimes walks away from him thinking that he was raised by wolves or something. He makes comments to her that are supposed to be compliments but they just don't come out that way. Howard said he asks JD about his Letterman appearances and he never says much more than ''It was alright.'' He said JD just doesn't know how to react to stuff when he talks to him.
Howard asked JD about staying with his father over vacation but JD didn't want to get into details. He had stayed with his aunt over the vacation so he wasn't sure what she wanted on the air or not. The guys goofed on him about that and wondered what he could possibly hiding. JD said that his father and grandmother live in the same house so that had something to do with it. Howard asked JD what's going on there. JD said that his father owns the place and his grandmother lives with him. Howard didn't see the problem. He said he can't wait for the family reunion that's coming up this summer.
Gary said that JD told him there's no way Howard TV is going to film that family reunion either. Howard said ''Bullshit!'' and told him that they will be going in there. JD was telling them a little bit about his vacation but that led to Fred doing more of his JD impression and goofing on him. Howard told JD that maybe he should have gone to speech camp instead of going to stay with his father over vacation.
Howard moved on to the audio clips that JD had come in to tell him about. In the first clip Rose McGowan was asked about American Idol and she said that she wanted that kid Sanjaya to win because he was so awful. Howard played another clip where Zach Braff was promoting his new movie and said ''Vote for Sanjaya'' at the end of the clip. In another clip Pink was on a Z-100 morning radio show talking about American Idol and how Howard Stern and many other people were backing Sanjaya.
Lisa G quickly mentioned that Joey Boots has some down with a case of the gout so they'll have a story about that today. Howard let her go and moved on after that.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer really wants it. Brian Phelan wants it but Mike Gange doesn't really need it. Jason is looking too thin and needs some new pants according to Howard. Jon Hein hasn't lost anything from what Howard could tell.
Gary said that today is the last day for the team weigh ins. They go to individual weigh ins after that. Tim Sabean got up and weighed in at 255 pounds. He lost 3 from last week. Jason got up and came in at 239 pounds. Jason said he's been working very hard at it so he's very happy about that. Brian Phelan got on the scale and came in at 228 pounds. Howard said he looked thinner than that to him. Scott the Engineer got on the scale and weighed 236 pounds. Artie predicted that he will win the contest but then get some disease from not eating right and his health coverage won't cover it. Here's how Tim's team has done since the start:
Howard had Artie's team weigh in next. Artie was up to 293 pounds last time they weighed him in. Artie got on the scale again and shot up to 296 pounds... a 3 pound gain from the last weigh in. Artie said he's been eating a lot of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups lately. He said he had 9 of them yesterday. Artie asked if they were done now. Howard asked him if he ever dips the peanut butter cups in mayonnaise. Artie said he wouldn't do that, it's not kosher to do that.
Howard had Jon Hein get on the scale. He said he looked like he'd given up as well. Jon said he's been eating better but this past week was a tough one. He came in at 246 pounds, a 3 pound loss. Mike Gange got on the scale next and came in at 247 pounds, a 3 pound gain. Mike said that he hasn't been able to stop eating. Benjy was up next and came in at 228 pounds. He's lost another 9 pounds. Artie's team so far:
Gary said that Tim's team moves on after today. SO does Benjy since he was the biggest loser for Artie's team. They now move on with just Tim, Brian, Scott, Jason and Benjy from now on. Artie was saying that he wanted to pay off the guys on his team who weren't moving on because he had kind of screwed them over by not losing weight.
There was an offer thrown out to Scott the Engineer to sell his spot but he wasn't sure if he wanted to do it. Gary said that Benjy had lost 14.61 percent of his weight while Scott only came in at 10.61 percent. Jason has lost 11.81 percent so he's in second place behind Benjy. Scott still thinks he can pull it off though. Howard had the guys clear the studio so he could get to this other stuff he had to get to.
Howard got Eric the Midget on the phone and told him about the prizes he was playing with. They had the DVD set and a wrestling belt for the winner. Howard also told him he'd like Eric to win so they can give this guy raccoon eyes.
Howard asked the guys a bunch of wrestling questions and the two guys both knew quite a few of the answers in the contest. Eric didn't know the first question which was about Hulk Hogan's character in Rocky III. Vito was very confident and gave his answers quickly. Eric was also fairly fast with his answers. Artie goofed on Eric a little bit so Eric would shoot back at Artie with some ''fat ass'' comments.
Howard whipped through the questions and even got kind of lost when he thought the score was tied even though Vito was supposed to be ahead. Howard evened up the contest and gave Vito an extra question so he was ahead by one. Eric lost to Vito but Vito was willing to take the balls in his eyes to make the show worth watching.
Eric said he never claimed that he was an expert but Vito said he absolutely did. He also goofed on Eric about the way he had claimed to be an Idol Expert but was now voting for the worst singer on the show. They all goofed on him about that until Howard let him go.
Sal the Stockbroker came in dressed as Captain Sack with his ball sack hanging out of his leotard. He was going to dip his nuts in chocolate pudding and then dunk them on Vito's face. Sal also said that Richard Christy was going to come in and dip his cock in vanilla pudding and wipe it on Vito's face. Sal did his thing and dipped his nuts and put some whipped cream on top of the chocolate. Vito closed his eyes and let Sal do his thing to his face. Sal went right in and bashed his balls into his face. Richard then came in with his vanilla pudding on his dick and gave Vito his ''banana nose.''
Howard told Vito to get cleaned up after that but he had a problem with getting some balls in his mouth. Howard thanked Vito for coming in and told him he had won the DVD set. He also said that he would take the picture with him after they were done. They went to break right after that.
Howard played the audio from Imus' show where he was sucking balls during his apology for the racist comments he made about the Rutgers basketball team. As Imus was doing his apology he sounded like he was on the verge of crying. Howard said that maybe he should just quit already. He doesn't have to go through this crap, he could just walk away.
Imus was saying that there's a difference between pre-meditated things and something that just comes up. Howard said that this is just the nature of Imus because that's the kind of stuff he was doing off the air at NBC when they were working there at the same time. Howard figured it was going to take 10 hours to go through all of this stuff. He repeated some of the stuff he said earlier about getting dressed up like a nurse or something when he gets to be Imus' age. Robin was goofing on Imus' kerchief that he wears on his neck like he's a cowboy and said that he looks like he's prepared to rob a bank or something.
Howard said that Imus' whole being is that radio show and he's doing everything he can not to lose that job. Howard said he's glad he's not like that himself. He said he's looking forward to leaving the radio business and if he was asked to apologize for something like that, he'd ask to be fired instead.
Howard got back to the audio clips of Imus and picked apart a lot of the stuff he was saying. Imus apologized for what he said about the Rutgers players and said that those girls don't even know who he is and they don't know that he was just trying to be funny.
Howard said that Angry Black was going to go protest at the Don Imus pediatric center in Hackensack, new Jersey. Howard told him he's got to get some black people to go with him, not just some Wack Packers. He said he will do that too. Howard suggested that they get him to get Miss Black Howard Stern out there too. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard continued the Imus clips and goofed on him some more. Imus was talking about what a good person he was and how he has this ranch out in New Mexico where they care for kids with cancer. Howard and the guys pointed out that Imus doesn't even pay for that himself, his listeners pay for it. Imus was bragging that he has minorities at the ranch so that should show that he's not a racist. Howard said that this guy is the luckiest bastard out there. He told the guy that he should just give it up and retire already.
Imus was bragging about how he eats with the minorities that are at his camp so that led to everyone goofing on those comments. Howard, Robin, Fred and Artie were all goofing on the guy and doing impressions of him. Howard said that guy is such an asshole and he was using that ''my friends are black'' excuse to make his comments okay. Imus was talking about one black kid who died on New Year's day and that he and his wife went to his funeral because they don't just go to white kid's funerals.
Howard still didn't understand why Imus was going through this crap when he could just resign. They continued to goof on the guy while playing the audio from the apology. Imus was talking about all of the good things he's done for the cancer kids... The black cancer kids. Imus said he's a good person who said a bad thing. He wasn't sure if he should be forgiven for that or not. He said he's been called an N-lover for having the Blind Boys of Alabama on his show before. He said he put up with that and Robin said he seemed to be congratulating himself for having black entertainers on his show.
Gary interrupted and told Howard that their Playboy friend had to be out of there by 20 to 10. Howard told him to bring her in then.
Howard asked Shannon if she fucked Pauly Shore yet. She said she did meet him but she didn't fuck him. She said that someone told him to stay away from her so he went after one of her friends. Howard and Artie are so against her fucking Pauly so they made sure to tell her not to be with him. Howard said they actually like Pauly but they don't want him fucking all of the chicks on the show.
Shannon told Howard that she did her photo shoot before she went to school at the University of Central Florida. Artie asked her if Kobe Bryant makes her swallow. She didn't seem to understand what he was talking about. Shannon told Howard that she's transferred out of UCF and she's back home in the Philly area.
The Howard TV guys had some video of her doing her Playboy shoot so they showed that in the studio. Howard said she looked really good. Artie asked Howard if they should make her fuck him since she was there to thank the show. Shannon said ''Nooo!'' to that request. Howard said that maybe she should fuck him instead. Artie didn't even remember that he was there when she did the evaluation show when she was there.
Howard asked Shannon about doing the Playboy shoot and if she was nervous. She said that she was very nervous when she did the evaluation (June 2006) and when she did the shoot. Shannon said that she really doesn't get hit on all that much because guys get so intimidated.
Artie said that he thinks he deserves a blow job at least just because she owes so much to the show. She didn't want to do that and said she was going to pass on it. Shannon said she's actually got a boyfriend right now. She said that she would love to move out to California eventually. Artie goofed on her and said she probably wants to act. She said she actually does want to do that.
Shannon told Howard that she got a call from Kevin Custer about a month after her test shoot and was told that they had some bad news and then broke it to her that she had to take some time off from school to do the centerfold shoot. She said that she started jumping up and down when she heard that. Howard said Hugh Hefner is brilliant because he's convinced hot chicks that this is the highlight of their lives.
Shannon said that she stayed out at the Playboy mansion in the guest house and Hef never asked her up to his bedroom. She said that she went up to watch America's Next Top Model with her friend Holly but that was it. She said she didn't have sex with any of the other girls. Howard kept trying to find out if she had sex with any of the other girls but she wasn't talking. She said she doesn't kiss and tell. She refused to talk about it if she did do anything there.
Shannon said that she shot half of her pictorial before Halloween and half of it after. She got to meet a lot more people than other Playmates get to meet because she was there around the big party they held out there. Howard kept digging and asked her what she did out there. She didn't want to talk but eventually said she had some innocent kissing. She said their clothes stayed on. She said she got to see a lot of famous people at the Playboy party but didn't get to meet them all. She said Paris Hilton was there but she didn't even see her. Leonardo DiCaprio was there but she didn't meet him either.
Howard was checking out Shannon's pictures and said that she looked really hot. Artie gave her a ''Holy SHHHIT!'' when he saw the pictures. The guys asked Shannon what she can out in Los Angeles if she moves out there. She said she can act and she can sing too. Howard asked her to sing but she refused. She said she can sing well enough to get by but not make a living at it. Artie figured that she's got to suck at everything else she does because she's so hot looking.
Howard gave Shannon a plug for the May 2007 Playboy issue which Shannon is in. He asked her where she was going next. She said she was going to hooters in Manhattan because she actually works for them. Doug Goodstein said that they have about 10 minutes of her test shoot and it's the hottest footage he's ever seen. They showed some of that in the studio and Artie gave her some more ''Holy SHHHHIT'' comments. Shannon was asked how much she weighs and told them that she's 115 pounds and 5'7 1/2'' tall. Howard and Artie told her that was perfect and continued to tell her how hot she was. They were looking at her pictures from Playboy and Artie said that if she really wanted him to fuck her, he'd have to mail her his orgasm because he wouldn't even make it to the door.
Vito from the wrestling contest was still there so he stood up and showed off his boner for Shannon. Howard said that you can meet Shannon at the Hooters in Manhattan today from 12:30 to 1:30 and from 5:30 to 7:30. Howard gave her some plugs for that and then Richard Christy came in and asked her if she wanted to act out a scene from The Godfather with Artie. Howard had him hand over the script to her so they could do that.
The scene was where Kay tells Michael that she had an abortion. She had never seen the movie so she didn't know how to do it. Howard told her how to play the part and then had the two of them get into it. Artie said he probably didn't even need the script. He played it kind of low key and Shannon didn't seem to be into it either. She said that if she had time to study the script, she would have done better.
Howard congratulated Shannon on her Playboy thing and started to wrap up. Robin asked Shannon which of the guys other than Howard she would do. She actually picked out Benjy as the one guy she would do. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later.
Howard came back from break a short time after that and said that he had a couple of guests visiting the studio this morning. Mike and his wife Dawn got a tour of the studio so they stopped in for a quick visit. Howard said he's surprised that he actually agreed to let them come in for a visit. He must have been in a good mood that morning he agreed to it.
Artie told Howard that they had another guy out in the green room that he might want to meet. It was Vito's uncle Daniel and he was just ''not right'' according to Artie. The guy was missing some teeth and had some trouble speaking. Howard spent a minute talking to him and had some fun goofing on him a little bit. The guy kind of mumbled and seemed to be drunk. They were calling the uncle ''Not Right Daniel'' because he was just a little ''not right'' according to Artie.
Howard had a clip from a British TV special where some gay guys talked about fisting each other. In the clip a guy is talking about how he tells the guy he's fisting that once he starts, he's not going to stop. Then they have the audio of the guy getting fisted and he's gagged and moaning in pain while the other guy is fisting him. The guys were goofing on that a little bit before Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news update.
Steve Langford said they have a story about Robin's upcoming celebrity race. She's been out practicing and they got an interview with George Lucas who was afraid to say if he was a fan or not. Howard said he has to apologize to him for bad mouthing the last Star Wars movie. He said that he watched it over the weekend and he actually liked it.
Howard said that he was playing chess over the internet this weekend and some guy wrote to him ''you play too slow you do'' trying to be like Yoda. He thought that was very geeky. He had Steve get back to his news so Steve gave him a few more stories that they'll have today. Steve said that they have a story about the TV commercial shoot they did for Howard TV last week. Howard said he was watching the making of that video last week and it looks like it's going to be wild. Steve said that Bill Keller is back with his Live Prayer show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Jon Hein ran down his Wrap Up Show subjects for today's show. He said they'll talk about Eric the Midget and his turn to the dark side and his wrestling trivia contest. They'll also talk about the Imus tapes and also about Shannon James' visit today. Howard said that they may have to play that Imus apology tomorrow because it was so good. He said that they should play that apology on a loop on Howard 101 as a special tonight.
Fred ended up going into his Imus impression and doing that for a few minutes. He goofed on Imus's pronunciation of his wife Deirdre's name a little bit. He turned it into a four syllable name doing the impression.
Artie reenacted that scene from Animal House again where Dean Wormer talks about Blutarski's 0.0 grade point average. He also did another scene from the movie that he remembered word for word. Robin was amazed that he can remember them so well.
Howard said that Not Right Uncle Daniel was out in the green room snoring. Howard went to the Howard TV video and watched but his snoring had stopped and he was just sleeping quietly. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
Fred played the scene from Animal House that Artie had reenacted earlier. He had the scene down almost perfectly. Howard said they should get a print of Animal House and get all of the listeners together to watch it. Artie said he would love that. He never got to see Animal House in the theater because he was only 10 at that time. Robin told Howard that the director of the original Porky's movie was killed in a car crash last week. Howard said he saw that and they mentioned that he's doing a remake of the movie in the articles he read.
Robin got back to her news and whipped through a few more stories and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show talking about Imus who was on the cover of the NY Post this morning. Howard asked how old he really is. Fred said they list it as 67 but the guys said that he looks a lot older than that. Howard said he looks like he's in his 80s. Artie said he looked more like 100. Howard said even his mother was saying that maybe Imus is senile and doesn't know what he's saying.
Howard said he's got tons of Imus stuff to play on the show today. He hasn't heard the Al Sharpton show yet so he'll be listening to that. He also said he heard that Imus has been suspended for two weeks but the suspension doesn't start until next Monday. Robin reminded Howard that he was suspended for saying ''Sirius'' for one day and now Imus has called some college girls ''nappy headed hos'' and the company is hesitating to suspend him.
Howard talked about how Imus has no ratings and how he was never funny and has made something out of nothing somehow. He said one of the funny things he saw was Imus taking his cowboy hat off to apologize for what he said. He said he hates to revel in someone else's misery but this is fun. Artie said he's not even a person so it is fun. Howard said it's really time to call an end to the whole thing.
Howard said he read that Imus was saying that he ''can't win with you people'' when he was on Al Sharpton's show yesterday. He can't imagine what kind of person does something like that. He said Imus has been doing that job for the longest time and he's still doing it after all these years. Howard said he won't stay in the business that long.
Howard wondered who would go to Al Sharpton to apologize for something. That guy is more racially insensitive than anyone out there. Howard said his move is to get you in his studio and then he won't accept an apology. Howard said the fun thing is that Imus goes in to apologize for his comments and actually does apologize to the guy.
Howard talked about how the cowboy hat is the worst thing that Imus could have worn on Al Sharpton's show. He wanted Fred to play the ''ni**er Hatin' Hat'' song that they've played on the show before as an example but Fred wasn't able to find it in his computer. Howard told him to see if he could get that in there so they'll have it when they want it.
Howard figured that if Imus does lose his job, his wife will leave him. Artie said that if she does leave him, he will get into shape and he will try to get her so he can fuck her. He said he might have to lose about 100 pounds to make that happen though. Robin said Imus might be able to get out of the whole thing if he put that offer out there himself. She said maybe he could offer to let Howard fuck his wife and people would let him off the hook.
Howard said that if he was in that situation, he would never go on Al Sharpton's show and say that he's a piece of shit no matter what color he is. He said that he should just pay his bills and leave him alone. Robin said that Imus would have to know that information first but he knows nothing. Howard said that Al has been on the show before and he likes him, but he really is a racist. He said there's no way he would apologize to that guy for anything even though he kind of likes him personally. He once visited Sharpton when he was in the hospital after he was stabbed.
Howard said Richard was there so he had him come in. Richard came in screaming as he's done in the past. Robin said it looked like he was wearing lipstick this morning. He went around to each person saying hello to everyone. He stopped at Fred, Artie, Benjy and all of those guys. Richard was talking off the microphone so the guys asked him to go sit down. Richard had to say hello to everyone before sitting down. Howard told him to sit down but he was trying to go say hello to Robin.
Howard asked Richard if he wears a jock strap under his shorts. He said he does but didn't get into it much more than that. Howard noticed that he had a big welt on his ass. Richard said he slipped and fell in the bathroom at an airport and actually passed out. He slipped on the wet floor and almost broke his hip in the process. He also dislocated his shoulder. That just happened two Friday's ago. Howard asked Richard who he calls when something like that happens to him. Richard said he has housekeepers that take care of him but he doesn't really have any family to call.
Howard said he feels bad for Richard that he doesn't have anyone to call. He has no wife, he's yet to marry... Howard asked him if he's dating anyone at this point. Richard said he really just hurts today and asked him to take it easy on him. Richard said he is in a lot of pain and it's very hard for him to sit. Howard told Richard that happened to him one time and he was with a guy who was into S&M and was whacking him at the time. Howard asked Richard to come over to him and he'd rub his ass for him. Richard said he just wanted a little sympathy.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Richard about Artie's eating. Richard said he was there to talk about Congress but Howard wanted to talk about Artie first. Richard heard that they're doing a weight loss challenge so Artie filled him in on that. Artie said that he gained 10 pounds instead of losing weight in the challenge. Artie said he's really got to figure out what to do about it. Artie lit up a cigarette, which he doesn't usually do, so Richard asked him to put it out because he's got asthma. Artie didn't know that but he continued to smoke.
Howard asked Richard how old he is. Richard said that it's kind of a personal question and he had trouble concentrating with the music Fred was playing for him. Howard said he knows that Richard is 59 years old. Richard thinks he looks fantastic for his age. He said he's really not looking for a woman at this point, he's just there to help people with their weight until the day he dies. Howard wanted to know what kind of woman he was looking for but Richard called for Gary asking him for some help in there.
Howard told Richard to sit down but he said he couldn't. He told him he loves him and Richard said he loves Howard as well. Howard wanted to know why Richard ate so much when he was young. Richard said he grew up in New Orleans where the food was so good. He loved food and there was great stuff down there. He said his father loved him very much and it wasn't because of a lack of love or anything. Howard asked him if he had any secrets to hide or anything like that. Richard laughed when Howard asked him if people found him annoying.
Howard asked Richard more about his childhood. He wanted to know if he had friends. Richard said he didn't have any friends and he just stayed home alone. Howard kept going and said he had a woman on the phone who wanted to say hello to him. The woman, Jenny, asked Richard if he would be interested in going out on a date with her. She was 22 years old and said that she eats right and stays fit just like Richard. Richard called for Gary to come in and help him again. Fred played some porn clips of a woman getting screwed so Richard got all uptight and wanted to get out of there.
Howard let the woman go and let Richard talk about whatever it was he was there to talk about. He interrupted and asked him when the last time he came was. Gary asked Howard to at least plug what he was there to plug. Richard said that he's doing something to help children. He said that kids who are over 100 pounds has grown over the past few years. He asked people to fill out a questionnaire on his web site, RichardSimmons.com, last time he was on and 12,000 people filled out the form. He said he got 70,000 questionnaires finished and he ended up meeting with some congressmen about this and now they have dropped their first bill, HR 1224, to get Physical Education reinstated in schools.
Howard said that Artie was sleeping while this was going on. Richard yelled at him to wake up so Artie came out of his fake sleep and talked a little bit about gym class. Howard said he hated gym class because it was like torture when he was in school. If it was fun to exercise, it might be worth following up on this. Richard said that he really wants to get this going because the kids really need to exercise.
Richard said that he's back now to ask the listeners to go on his web site, find their congressman and email them to ask for this to happen. Howard said that he doesn't have to beg, his listeners will do it because they're not assholes. He said he will go and recommend to his listeners to go and do that.
Richard said that the P.E. He's trying to get going is not like the old gym classes that they used to have. He said he had to skip out on those classes when he was in school because he suffered from asthma and was overweight.
Howard asked Richard more about this fall he took. Richard talked about how he only has his housekeepers and dogs to take care of him. He said he does go on these trips to help people lose weight though. He has a lot of people who he spends time with when he goes on these cruises and goes to visit people.
Howard was trying to figure out how much Richard was worth and guessed it was about $200 million. Richard wasn't talking of course. Gary said he heard that Richard will buy two seats on an airplane when he travels because he has so much work to do when he's flying. Richard said that is true but he will talk to people on the flight. He just had a guy come to him and ask him to talk to his 17 year old daughter who was 290 pounds and only 5'1'' tall.
Howard asked Richard if he heard about this Imus thing. Richard said he never listened to him and doesn't know much about him. Howard told him about what Imus did to this black woman at WNBC when they worked with him. He went right up to her and called her the N-word. He said he thinks that Imus has that in his heart and that's why he said what he did on the radio last week. He thinks his career is done at this point and there's no way he's going to get out of it now.
Artie was saying that he was in a bad way this morning. He was talking about Imus' comments and the fact that Richard's ass was in pain. Richard asked to see Artie's eyes because they were behind his sunglasses. Artie did take them off for him but then he said that Richard was going to call him and he never got that call. Howard told Richard that Artie is hopeless. Richard asked him not to say that to him but Howard kept saying it.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked what his favorite moment on the show with Richard was. He liked the time they dangled food in front of the fat guy. Richard got a laugh out of that and said that his favorite moment was when he put some fake tattoos on and a fake moustache and wig on and fooled Howard into thinking he was someone else. Howard said that was the day Richard dressed up like a man. Howard said he's really not the most macho guy so he wasn't kidding about that. Howard said Richard is kind of womanly when he dresses the way he does so Richard walked out. Howard told him to come back but Richard went right out. He took offense to that womanly comment and walked out crying.
Robin told Howard he did do something wrong by calling him a woman. Howard said it's true though, he has some female tendencies. Howard was going to run out and get him. Gary came in and told him where to go but no one was going out to get him. They ran out and found Richard but Richard was crying out by the elevators. Howard tried talking him into coming back but he was balling according to Robin. Artie said that there was someone in the elevator watching Howard Stern consoling Richard in the elevator.
Artie told Howard to ''tell Richard to come out of the close... I mean elevator.'' Tim Sabean went out and got in the elevator with Richard to ride down with him. Robin and Artie talked about how hurt the guy looked. Howard said that Richard was really crying out there. Robin said they heard and saw it all going down on the Howard TV cameras.
Howard asked if he really said something all that bad. Robin said that he really did say that he was like a woman. Howard said he feels awful about it. They went over what had happened and how Howard had kind of called him a woman. Howard said he knows tons of guys who are like that. He figured that Richard would admit that he's not the most macho guy though. Robin said that Richard hasn't changed since he was a kid and he may have been teased as a kid and that may have been why he fell apart the way he did. Howard said he was just having a good time with him.
Howard said Richard is a good guy and he really feels awful about it. Robin said she thought the days of Richard leaving crying were over but she was apparently wrong. Howard said he might have to go on Al Sharpton's show and apologize to him for what had just happened. Robin told Howard he might have to go on Out Q to apologize but then took that back. She said that was wrong too.
Tim Sabean came in and said that Richard was really upset and couldn't be consoled. He left very upset and wouldn't stick around. Howard said he really couldn't go on with the show because he felt so bad. He was excited to see Richard back on the show today and he screwed it all up. Howard hopes he wasn't pulling his leg with that. Gary said he did have to leave at 6:45. Fred said that Richard is a good actress. Howard said he really doesn't want to make anyone cry like that.
Howard was still thinking about Richard Simmons and didn't know what went wrong. Gay Ramone called in and said that he's just a big drama queen. Robin told him that it was a bit of an attack on Richard and that's why he ran out. Howard said he was going to rub his ass for him. Gay Ramone said was on the Bill Keller show yesterday and even called him an asshole at the end of the show.
Howard hung up on Gay Ramone and said he'd had enough of that. He had to take a break but took some more phone calls. One guy said that Howard has only a few guests that will still come on the show so he's got to take it easy on the ones who will. He was also saying that Howard has kind of lost his edge over the years. He said he liked when Howard would make Gary repeat after him like he used to. Howard called Gary in there to do some repeating but Gary had no idea what he had done wrong.
Gary said that he had a problem with Richard showing up to his building to see him and he was crying out in the lobby. He said he had to go down and talk to him and console him. His neighbors all saw him hugging Richard out in the lobby that day. He was visibly shaking that day. Howard said he was shaking this morning too and he feels horrible about it.
Another caller asked Howard if he also kicked a puppy this morning. Howard said he feels really bad about it and didn't mean for it to happen that way. He said he hopes that it wasn't the last time they'd see him there. He thinks that Richard was being overly sensitive. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard told everyone what had just happened with Richard Simmons. Robin said that people have to get up earlier if they want to hear the show but Howard said they do have the replays. She said she forgot about that. That led to Howard talking about how cool it is that he has the two channels there and they're both for his fans.
Howard said they have this guy coming in later who has only one hand but can play Eddie Van Halen's ''Eruption'' in an amazing way with just the one hand and his stump. Fred wondered how that's possible. Howard said he's not sure but he can really do it from what he's heard.
Howard said that a lot of people disagreed with Robin's review of the movie ''Grindhouse.'' He read some e-mail that they got about that. Some people agreed with Richard who thought it was actually a good movie. Robin said she just didn't enjoy the movie so that was her opinion on it. She defended herself against the comments that the fans were sending in.
Howard said he got a copy of Girls and Corpses magazine and Miss Howard Stern is in it. He said that Rob Zombie's wife is also on the cover of the magazine. He quickly mentioned that since he was talking about Rob Zombie because he had seen a preview of an upcoming movie he has coming out and it looked cool to him.
Howard said he really doesn't think that Imus is going to last on radio after this whole controversy. He said that the woman's basketball team at Rutgers is going to have a press conference and he thinks that will be the end of it. He talked about how Imus had finally removed that cowboy hat of his after all of this stuff went down and that led to them playing the ''ni**er Hatin Hat'' song since they were kind of referring to that being the reason Imus removed the hat. He didn't want to be looked at as a redneck by wearing that hat of his. Howard said that Imus' hair looked awful and that's the real ''nappy hair'' from what he could see.
Howard said he's never seen a 67 year old guy look that bad. Artie said he looks ancient. Robin read something in the paper where they claimed to be quoting Howard where they said that he just said that Imus should have just said ''it's just a joke, f-you.'' Howard said that's not what he said though. It was David Hinkley who got the incorrect information in there.
Howard said they have some big titles coming up on Howard TV. They have the weekend when Sal fell off stage. They have a special about Bubba's home, Robin's racing, a day in the life of Miss Black Howard Stern, Riley Martin's show and a lot of Behind the Scenes stuff. They also have some ''Where are they now'' shows coming up.
Robin said that someone suggested that they have someone follow Artie around, write down what he eats and then have someone try to eat that stuff. Howard said they have some new Cribs shows coming up too. They have King of All Blacks and Daniel Carver doing that. Howard said they have a day in the life of Miss Howard Stern, Andrea, as well. A Day in the life of Ralph is also coming up. They have some behind the scenes stuff with the Howard TV guys and also Scott the Engineer.
Howard had Lisa get back to her preview. She said she spoke to the woman who crated the Baba Booey mask. She will be sending new ones as well. Crazy Cabbie is in the news after he said some stuff on his radio show. He bad mouthed Howard saying that he's never given him anything. Howard said he guesses that his real feelings are coming out now. Lisa said that fame may have gone to Riley Martin's head according to his old partner Curtis Cooperman. They'll have full coverage of that coming up on the news. Howard said he wants to get the two of them on the phone and have them battle it out.
Lisa mentioned that 15 years ago today Sam Kinison died. Howard said that he got a note from an artist, Drew, who sent him a painting of Sam that was great. That led to the guys talking about what might have happened to Sam if he had lived. Howard said it's sad that they missed out on finding out what he could have contributed. Howard said that Sam was cleaning up at that point and he was getting off the drugs. Artie said that they did find drugs when they did the autopsy though. Howard said he thinks that they missed out on something there. Robin said she thinks it was just about over for Sam at that point though. Howard said it would have been interesting to see no matter what.
Artie said it would have been great to have Sam on SIRIUS. Howard yelled up to Sam and said that they're still talking about him. He admitted that it was a gay moment for him when he did that.
Howard played more of the conversation Imus was having with Sharpton and said that Imus is just a moron. He should have been confronting Sharpton about the things he did with Tawana Brawley and stuff like that. Imus said he was sorry he ever said what he said but he didn't mean it to come across the way it did. He also said that he's not a racist or a bigot and people don't know what his show is all about. Howard said it sounded like he was saying that he wanted everyone to listen to him before making that decision. As Al was going to break he was telling Imus that he thinks he's a racist and what he said was something that should get him fired over it.
Howard said that was like ''two assholes on the radio together.'' He kept wondering what Imus is doing going on that show to apologize. He said that guy is the last one he should be apologizing to and they obviously don't have a clue over at his station or on MSNBC. He played another clip where Sharpton was showing Imus his daughter and how he was devaluing his daughter by making comments like he was making. Howard heard all of that and was giggling and saying ''Wheeeee'' as he heard it. He said that maybe this will help Opie and Anthony rise up from their 0.0 rating if Imus goes away. He mentioned they had that 0.0 in Las Vegas and wondered how anyone can have zero listeners.
Howard got back to the Sharpton clips and played one where Sharpton was calling for Imus to be fired. Sharpton asked Imus what price he thinks he should pay for the comments he made. Imus said he hadn't thought about it. Howard said that he has to be insane to go to Al Sharpton to apologize. Imus tried to explain something but Howard had to cut him off and ask how that guy still has a radio show talking the way he does. He mumbles and slurs his words. Robin said that's what she heard when they started at WNBC and thought he was horrible back then but she was told he was great.
Imus explained to Sharpton what he had done for a kid at his cancer ranch. It was the same story he told on his own show recently about a kid who had sickle cell anemia. Sharpton agreed with Imus that there isn't enough funding for research on sickle cell anemia but wasn't going to let him off the hook for his comments that he made last week.
Gary brought in a list of the crazy things that Al Sharpton has done in his past. Howard read through that list of things that he's done that are racist. He's made comments about whites and started riots and things. There was also the Tawana Brawley incident as well. Howard said that Imus should have told Sharpton that he would retire if he retired because of what he did during the whole Tawana Brawley case. Sharpton has never apologized for that.
Howard wanted to hear more clips but he wondered if the rest of the guys wanted to hear them. They were all into it so Howard continued. In one clip Sharpton said that Imus looked like he was going to walk away unscathed but Imus asked him if he was crazy and started mumbling something about the kids at his cancer ranch.
Sharpton brought up the N-word thing that had gone on at WNBC but Imus had an explanation for that but Howard cut it off and said he was getting bored with that. He played another clip where Imus went off on a caller who was insulting him. Imus said he didn't have to put up with that crap. Howard said he liked the funky music Sharpton had playing during that segment. He said this is the funniest thing ever. He thinks that Sharpton is actually a better radio host than Imus is.
Imus asked Sharpton if he knows how much money the government spends on Sickle Cell Anemia. Sharpton didn't know so Imus bragged that he did know and that Sharpton should know that kind if information. Sharpton said that Imus had said he didn't know about Sickle Cell Anemia until just a couple of years ago. Imus claimed he didn't say that and blurted out that only $90 million is spent on sickle cell anemia every year. Fred and Howard were doing their impressions of Imus and goofing on some of the stuff he was saying during that interview.
Howard got back to the clips and played one where Imus referred to the blacks as ''you people.'' Howard said he's really in some shit now. He played the clip where Imus was talking to a woman on the phone on Sharpton's show and said that he can't get anywhere with ''you people'' but said that he was talking about Al and the woman on the phone. Sharpton called him out on that but Imus said he didn't mean it the way he was making it out to be.
Howard said that this was a dumb move for Imus and that company really needs him back there. He said Imus should just leave already. Gary asked Howard if he should invite Imus to come there and explain himself. Howard told him to go ahead. They were pretty sure he wouldn't show up there though. Howard got back to the audio clips and said he was surprised that Imus didn't stab Sharpton. He wondered when Imus realized that it was going horribly.
He played another clip where a woman was talking to Sharpton saying that she was just waiting for Imus to say that ''some of his best friends were negros.'' Howard said he can see Imus now claiming that he'll only have black kids at his ranch from now on. Howard said he had more clips but he wasn't sure if everyone wanted to hear more. He said he was totally into it though. He said he had just one last clip to play so he went right into that. In that clip Imus was talking about how he was on the show and how the people listening were probably thinking hat they had to hear from this old cracker. Sharpton called him out on that and asked him to respect his own race on his show. Imus had to explain that as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening to Imus on his show parading people around talking about what a great guy he is. Howard said that Bill Maher called into Imus' show to tell him what a great guy he is. He played that clip and goofed on Maher a little bit about that. Maher was telling Imus that he can only apologize so much before the acceptance of that apology is on them. Howard goofed on Imus a little more during that and continued to play the audio of Maher's call to Imus. Maher said that there are some real problems in this country that the black leaders should be worried about more than this. Howard said they can't give up on this yet. He said this is something that can be solved if they just fire Imus.
Robin said she can't believe they're not suspending Imus until next Monday. He gets to do a week's worth of shows before they suspend him. Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Imus has been fined by the FCC. Howard said they don't fine over something like that, they only fine for indecency.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who had one of his old prank calls to Imus. He said he did that about 5 or 6 years ago and asked Imus how it felt to be a loser. Imus didn't think the call was funny of course. Janks suggested that they have a new reason for Imus to be fired every day. Howard said there's nothing like having a guy who works in a gas station giving them show advice.
Howard asked Artie how he's doing and brought up the checks he was writing to everyone during the weight loss challenge yesterday. Artie said he only wrote two checks for a thousand bucks. He also gave Sal some money after the fall from the stage in Florida. Artie said that wasn't supposed to get out but Jim McClure somehow figured it out and had a fake scenario that he brought up and it turned out to be true. He said he didn't have to give his agent any commission on that show they did down in Florida so he gave Sal that money instead. Gary said Sal used that money to hire an aide to walk around with him while he was at Disney with his family.
Howard asked Artie if he has any urges to do the big H. Artie said that's every day and he does have to take his Subutex once in a while if he feels he needs it. He said that when he goes out on the road or something he takes it to make sure he doesn't crave the drugs. He took it out in Vegas and when he does certain gigs where he knows he can get it easily.
Artie talked about his detox from the heroin back in 2005 and how rough that was. He said that this drug he takes blocks the high of heroin so if he did take it, he wouldn't feel anything. That led to the guys talking about his weight and how he really needs to lose some. Artie said he feels like he's ready to explode at near 300 and can't imagine getting up to 400. Howard said he's only 100 pounds away. Howard said they have a photoshopped picture of Artie on his web site where he looks like he's 1200 pounds.
Howard said he heard Sal telling a story about how he had taken some stool softeners after he got locked up from the Vikodin he was taking and ended up shitting all over the hotel bathroom. Artie said those stories always end up with Sal's wife telling him that she hates him. She didn't want to help him in any way.
Howard asked Artie if this is the biggest he's ever been weight wise. Artie said he's absolutely the biggest he's ever been, it's not even close. He's still dating though and you'd think that he'd want to be in good shape. Artie said he's beyond caring about that at this point. Howard said that if women stopped putting out for him, maybe that would stop him from eating so much.
Artie said he's in a rut of eating food while watching TV in the afternoons. He said that he's not sure what he's trying to cover up by eating so much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he and a friend bet on Sanjaya on the web and they could win $30,000 if he actually wins. He said they only have to put up $200 for that bet. Howard said that they will be voting on him tonight but the caller said that the odds aren't as great as they were before so now you put up $100 to win $800 if Sanjaya wins.
Artie told a story about a bet a friend of his had on a game years ago. He said the kid had a $100 bet that could have won him $20,000 if this team had won. This team ended up losing and the guy ended up taking the TV set he was watching and threw it in the shower at the school he was working at.
Howard had to go to break but they have a new contest coming up where they're looking for the Hottest Chick, Loudest Fart winner. The contest is sponsored by Clips4Sale.com. The rules for the contest can be found on HowardStern.com. He went to break after mentioning that.
Gary Garver went out and interviewed Nichele Nichols from Star Trek and asked her who she thinks is the biggest A-hole on Star Trek. She walked away. Garver also asked Steve Martin what he thinks about Howard Stern getting married. Martin said it's great but walked away. Howard said Steve is a big fan but he knows better than to come on the show.
Howard said he heard about this guy John Denner who can play Eddie Van Halen's ''Eruption'' with just one hand and a stump. Fred said that it's not even much of an arm he has there. He said that song is very hard to play with two hands, nevermind just one. Howard said hello to John who said he's 35 years old. He was actually born like that and Howard described what he looks like. He's got a stub under his elbow and that's about it. The other hand is fine.
John said that he was inspired when he saw the Van Halen video for Jump and wanted to learn to play after that. His family wasn't sure about that but they stood back and watched as he did it. Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone because he wanted him to get inspired by this guy who has no hand on one arm. He said that this guy is going to play Eddie Van Halen like he's never heard it before. He said that when Jeff says he can't be a carpenter, he's nuts.
John said that he's on a little bit of a break from life right now but he has been working on an arm that he's trying to get patented. He said he has no interest in playing in a band, he just wants to play what he wants to play.
Howard talked to John for a short time and then asked him to play for them. He told the guys how he does this guitar playing and how not having the hand actually works very well for him since he can pick very fast with that stump. He started playing and amazing everyone in the studio with his cover of ''Eruption.'' It was pretty amazing. He said he was a little sloppy but Fred told him it was still very good.
Robin said that this should inspire Jeff. Jeff said that he was amazed and he wasn't being sarcastic at all. John said that he didn't think it was all that great because he was sloppy. Howard said it was still amazing. He then asked Jeff to stop drinking but that wasn't going to happen.
John said that he just started playing seriously a few years ago but he learned about 15 years ago. Howard asked him if he can use his stub in other ways. john said that he's been asked that question by friends and he does what he can.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people ask him some questions. Howard said that you can check out YouTube.com and search his name to find some video. He said the video quality isn't all that great but it's still an amazing thing. Artie said that he loves guitars but can't play, but he can sit there and just pretend to play while listening to his iPod. John said that Artie is not well. Howard said he's right. Howard said that this has inspired him to cut his hand off. John said that he's going to get a nose job and make his nose bigger if that's the case.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that John sounded like Eddie when he was playing. John said he could play some guitar sounds that were like animals. He played one that sounded like a horse and an elephant. He also played with the guitar a little more and said it's just fun to play with. Irish John said that this guy is the greatest musician since Celestine the keyboard player.
John said that he has a little space on VanHalenOutpost.com that people can check out. Another caller asked John how he plays and if the guitar is upside down or anything like that. Howard said that it's a regular guitar and he plays with his right hand. Howard let a few more callers talk to him after that. One caller said that this guy might inspire some people but he's also inspiring two handed guitar players to jump off a bridge. He said he plays guitar and he can't play nearly as well as this guy does.
Richard Christy came in and said that he can play the guitar with no hands. He was ready to whip out his dick to play John's guitar. No one was going to let him do that. Howard told him he should play with Richard on drums. John said that he could play some Hot for Teacher. He started playing that and had Richard singing along with him. John played the beginning of a few other Van Halen songs that the guys requested. Artie said that they were mocking Jeff the Drunk but he can drink more than some people who have two hands.
Howard asked John if he had anything he wanted to plug. John said he really didn't and all he had was the YouTube stuff. Howard told him that he will invite David Lee Roth to come in and sing with John if he wanted. Richard said he could play drums for that. Howard said he will ask but that doesn't mean that Dave will say yes. He wrapped up with John after that and went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who thought that the song they were listening to, Beast of Burden, was similar to Sweet Jane. Howard didn't think that was the case. He moved on to talk about this cable TV show that the guys used to prank call. The guy had stopped taking phone calls for a while because of the prank calls. He started taking calls again and Sal and Richard were right there prank calling the guy again. Jason called in and got in a call that was for real for a few seconds until he turned it over to Richard who brought up the guy's penis. They called over and over and over again. They kept getting through with different phone numbers and someone else even got in a call.
Sal came in and said that he had all of his stockbroker friends calling in and saying ''You're on the air!'' with that guy's show. Howard noticed that Sal's fingers were all black from his broken wrist. Sal said he's in the cast for another 6 weeks.
Howard said the host of that show is this guy who was on the show one time showing off his giant penis. That's why the guys bring up his penis all the time. He said he had some audio of the guy on the Playboy channel talking about his 13 1/2 inch penis. The guy's name is Jonah and he's pretty famous for that giant penis if his. He was talking to some of the Playboy girls about how he has to adjust it all the time and his balls are proportionate to his penis. Howard said it's weird because he doesn't want to talk about his cock on his Yankees show. He doesn't have a problem talking about it on that show though.
Jonah claims that he's had Academy Award winners but he's done with that and doesn't want to do it anymore. Howard said that 13 1/2 inches is a lot and wondered if Robin would be into that. She said that would be a bit too much for her.
Howard said he had to go pee during the break and he was trying to wash his hands but there wasn't much hot water from the sink. He said he thinks they do that so people don't get burned with hot water. They talked about the type of faucet he has and how it's impossible to let it run without touching it.
Steve said that there are a ton of web sites out there based on this whole Sanjaya thing. He ran down a couple of other things and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon talked about some of the stuff they'll be talking about on the show today. He mentioned the Richard Simmons incident from earlier this morning. That led to JD coming in and saying that Richard mentioned the story when he was on a morning talk show. Richard told them that he had run out crying and it's a very strange relationship.
Jon said that they'll talk about Richard crying out for Gary during the interview. Howard said he really likes Richard and was trying to do a serious interview with the guy. He said he's almost 60 years old and doesn't have a serious relationship at this point. Gary said that the reason Richard was yelling for him is because Richard thinks that he's there to protect him since he's the one who has convinced him to come back on the show. He's never sure what to do during those moments.
Howard talked about another old man, Imus, and how he just keeps holding on to that job. Howard said he would just let go of it if it were him. Robin said that Imus has had a lung collapse and he rushed back on the air even after that.
Jon mentioned John Denner's performance on th show and Howard said he found another guy who knows a 1 armed bass player. He got that guy on the phone and that guy said the bass player is out in Vegas and he's amazing. Howard said he would put that band together and hook up one armed people. Fred said they could call the band ''Stump Temple Pilots.''
Howard asked Jeff if Bill is lying about that. Jeff swore to god that Bill was lying. He said that they never came to his house but Bill insisted they sent a pastor over there. Bill eventually said that they were there twice but he never answered the door. Jeff said he's always home and he would have answered the door.
Bill was saying that Jeff Levy, the Vomit Guy, wants to do something with his life, unlike Jeff the Drunk. Bill said that the one handed guitar player was amazing and that shows that people can do things if they put their mind to it. Jeff the Drunk let Howard know that his birthday is coming up. Howard told him he can't wait but hung right up on him.
Gay Ramone called in and said that nothing can change him no matter what bill says. Bill said you have to want to get out of it. Ramone and Bill went back and forth on that subject a little bit. Howard told Bill that Gay Ramone did sound a little bit less gay today. He laughed as he said that though.
Bill was saying that he wants to challenge Rosie O'Donnell to a debate about the things that she says on The View. Howard didn't think she was being all that outrageous. He let Bill and Gay Ramone go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Bill is talking out of his ass when he says that Jeff the Drunk calls into all of the radio shows up where he lives. Howard said he's heard Jeff on Jay Thomas' show so maybe that's what Bill was talking about.
Howard played a clip of Cabbie going off on a caller that was breaking his balls about selling Howard out. Cabbie said that he's never asked Howard for anything and Howard isn't giving him anything so he doesn't owe him anything. Howard didn't seem to have a problem with that though. He just let it go as if Cabbie was just being Cabbie.
Howard played a clip of Jeff the Vomit guy leaving a message asking for women to vomit on him. He was saying that he has nothing going on in his life, he's ugly but he wants someone to vomit on him. Howard said that was some speech he had there.
Howard had Robin get into her news after that. She ran through a bunch of stories. They had some fun playing some of the Lily Tomlin audio clips from the filming of ''I Heart Huckabees'' that they played before they went on vacation.
Howard was looking for some audio clips of Barack Obaba on Letterman's show but JD didn't have time to pull any. JD came in and explained himself so Fred was goofing on him doing an impression while Howard was asking him some serious questions about politics. That led to them goofing on him even more. Howard asked him if his mother should have run off with a Hawaiian and not come back to see him for 8 years. JD said she's fine and didn't want to go there with Howard. Howard didn't drop it though. Fred was playing some Hawaiian music and goofing on him about that. He told JD that he should bring that music with him and blast it so he doesn't have to hear his mom and her man having sex. JD said he doesn't plan on being in that situation.
JD said that he's not sure where he's going to be staying when he goes to this family reunion thing. Howard told him to just blast that Hawaiian music whenever he's around them. Fred played that and some moaning porn clips to create what that might sound like. Howard did an impression of the Hawaiian guy that sounded more like a Pakistani guy than Hawaiian.
Howard talked more to JD about his mother living in Hawaii and how maybe she'll show up wearing a coconut bra to the family reunion. Howard asked him if he wants him to go with him. JD said he's the last person she'd want to see. Howard said he loves JD and wondered if his mother loves him. JD said she does but Howard thinks that he's more his mother than even his mother is. Howard wondered if he hates Hawaiian music. JD said it's not his favorite.
Howard asked JD how old he was when his mother left. He said he was 21 at the time. The guys continued to talk to JD about his schooling and stuff like that. Howard told him he really does love him and he wishes him luck with his mom. He said he'll even bring him to dinner one night... Then he thought about it for a second and told him to forget that, he's not bringing him to dinner. He said he really does love that kid though.
Fred did his impression of JD's mother's new man and said that he has a 13 1/2 inch cock and his balls match his cock. JD told him to calm down with that. He kept going and made fun of the guy with an accent that sounded similar to Howard's. Howard said it would be great if JD's mom really showed up in a grass skirt and a coconut bra. JD hasn't seen his mother in over 8 years so it's going to be interesting for him. Howard wondered if she can do those Hawaiian dances and maybe dance with fire torches. He said he would shit if he could get her on the show and have her do that. JD said he would too.
Howard told JD he should go visit his mother out there. They have some great weather out there. Fred played one of JD's song parodies to the tune of the Hawaii-Five-O theme song. Howard told JD he really wishes that they could sent the Howard TV guys to the reunion. JD said his mother will never let that happen.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to give JD some advice before he goes to Hawaii because he could get thrown into a volcano. She told him to watch the movie ''Bird of Paradise.'' She was cracking herself up talking about how he could be thrown in the volcano if his mother's boyfriend didn't like him. Howard said that woman could barely get out a sentence, she was perfect for JD.
Howard told JD that he'll take him to dinner but they have to go to something Hawaiian based. He let JD go a short time later and said that he really wants to give JD his own show. He said he could listen to that guy talk for an hour straight no problem.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show asking the guys how many times they voted for Sanjaya last night. Robin said she tried but didn't get through many times. A phone caller said he voted 341 times. He said he had to dial about 410 times. Howard said that doesn't look good for Sanjaya if he was able to get through that much.
Howard said he voted but only got through about 10 times. Robin said she got in about 5 votes. Howard thinks that Sanjaya is going to win it after seeing last night's show. He said he still giggles when he votes for Sanjaya and Beth has to leave the room when he starts voting. He said she can't stand to see that her fiancé is voting. He said he's not going to ask his audience to vote if he's not going to vote.
the caller told Howard that he was voting while he was driving last night. He's a truck driver and had to do it. Howard thought that was kind of a distraction from driving but Robin said that he must be a professional. The caller also asked Fred to do a song parody to the tune of ''Smoke on the Water'' with Fred doing his Imus impression and saying Deirdre in the special way he says it. Fred tried it, he played the song and sang along as Imus saying his wife Deirdre's name in a stuttering way. Howard told him to throw in the N-word and some other stuff in there as if Imus were screwing up the song. He instructed Fred to do it the way he wanted to hear it. Fred followed along and threw in some racist comments and then an apology like he's been giving in the media lately.
Howard said that Imus is in the eye of the storm right now and it's great. He loves it. Robin said she's got all kinds of clips about it and there are a lot of stories. She said that he's losing sponsors now as well. They talked about some of the companies that have been dropping him lately and how this could be the end of the show if that continues.
Artie said that when you've been on the air for that long, you should have the ability to argue that he's been on the air for 40 years and he's really not a racist. Imus doesn't even have that as an excuse. Howard said that he could never think in his mind that those girls on the basketball team are ''nappy headed hos'' like Imus called them. He said Imus really screwed up by wearing that cowboy hat that he's been wearing for years now. That gives people a warning that he's a redneck.
Howard said that Imus should have used the senility excuse instead of going on all of these shows and just talking about the mistake he made. Howard said Imus looked feeble on these shows that he's been going on and he should just leave now instead of going on The Today Show and stuff like that. Imus called Matt Lauer ''Mark'' at one point so he looks like an idiot doing that as well.
Howard played an audio clip of Imus being interviewed by Matt and Imus calling him ''Mark.'' Howard wondered why Imus would go on that show and put himself through that. He said that Matt is a nice guy but he wouldn't want that pitbull going after him. Howard said Imus needs that radio job way too much but this is great theater watching a guy get lynched the way he is.
Howard said that the only reason Imus is still on the air is because he has big sponsors and now they're starting to drop off. That could bring an end to his show because he can't stay on the air with the low ratings he has. Gary said that the story is huge news and one national news station used 7 of their 22 minute newscast to talk about it.
Howard said Imus used to say that he was the number 1 guy in the number 1 market on the number 1 station. Howard said he was never number one on any number 1. He said he doesn't know where that guy gets his information from. Gary said that the guys on WFAN were spending all day defending Imus. Howard said they have to do that because without him they'd have no ratings. Gary said they were talking about how the Anna Nicole baby news was going to blow Imus' news out of the water. It turns out that the news was just a 1 minute piece at the end of the news.
Howard said he was talking about whether or not Howard K. Stern will disappear now that he's given up the baby. He said he thinks he will. He will probably try to become Larry's lawyer to get his hands on that money somehow. Either that or he'll marry the kid when she grows up.
Howard said this is like a real life Twilight Zone episode. He said Howard K. Stern was on this one case getting the millions and millions of dollars and he ends up losing it to this Larry Birkhead guy. He said Birkhead has the meal ticket now because his daughter has all of Anna Nicole's money. Robin said that Anna's mother is going to go after him for custody but Howard doesn't think that she'll have a chance with that. She was Anna's mother and we see how that turned out.
The guys talked about Anna's baby and how she was born addicted to drugs since Anna was on a bunch when she gave birth. They were wondering if she was going to have problems as she grew up. Howard said he thinks the kid might have a chance being with Birkhead but he's really not sure.
Howard said his friend was in a coffee shop one morning and saw this odd person dressed as a cowboy. They even thought it was a woman, but it turned out to be Imus. Howard said Imus is usually not afraid to call anyone the N-word to someone's face. Robin said that she walked by him one day at WNBC and he muttered the N-word while he was talking to someone else. She said that even the other person he was talking to couldn't believe that he had just said that.
Bong Hit Eric called in and told Howard that the prank call he played yesterday where Sal and Richard were calling that Yankee guy was really funny. Howard said he would play it again but he had another new one to play. He said the guys called a guy by the name of Sharpton with some Imus clips and had him apologizing to him. They had Imus asking the guy what he knew about black women and mumbling a bunch of unintelligible things to the guy. They had Imus arguing with the guy on the phone and calling him names. The caller was arguing right back for a few minutes.
Bong Hit Eric took a hit off his bong and said he liked it. Howard said he loves that people argue with people who call them. He went into the Yankee call that Eric asked him to play. This guy Jonah has this cable TV show about the Yankees on public access TV and all he wants to talk about his the Yankees. The guys saw a picture of his penis while they were talking about it because he was on Howard's show one time showing it off. Howard said for six months this guy stopped taking phone calls and both Sal and Richard were his first callers when he started taking calls again.
Howard played the prank call where Sal, Richard and Sal's stockbroker buddies all called in and goofed on the guy through his show. Jason also called in with a serious question but then turned over the phone to Richard who brought up Jonah's ''nerd cock.'' Richard called back a short time later as ''Nervous Mark'' and pretended he couldn't get his thoughts out. Jonah hung up on him and said it really is fun to hang up on people. He went off on the guys from the Stern show for spoofing their phone numbers and then took another call from a guy who told him to ''...suck a dick you faggot!'' In the last call Richard starts to moan and then the show goes right to music.
Howard said he likes that the guy cut his show short. He said he shouldn't be allowed to do that. He was also saying that the guy has been on his show with his 13 inch cock.
Artie said he was going to actually try and vote last night but he ended up doing something gayer. He said he was watching some movies On Demand which is something he loves now. He said he saw ''Brokeback Mountain'' on the list and decided to watch it. He wondered when they were going to start to fuck and when they did, he said he can no longer watch those two guys in any movie again. He said it just looked like two actors who were forced to act like they were fuckin. He didn't believe it at all. He also said his favorite part was where Randy Quaid saw them messing around and asked ''What the fuck?'' He said he made it through about 30 minutes of the movie before shutting it off. He said he might have to try again since Howard told him it was a really good movie.
Howard asked Eric the Midget if he ever watched that movie. Eric said he never did see it. He said he remembers Artie playing a gay guy in the movie ''Boat Trip'' though. Howard asked Artie about that movie. Artie said that he and Will Ferrell were supposed to kiss and it could have been really funny but they didn't do the scene that way. He told Howard about the scene and how Will was supposed to give him a kiss but he told his agent that he wasn't going to kiss anyone so they didn't make him do it. He said he knows he's the asshole there because Will was willing to do it. Artie said that Will pulled him toward him but he looked so disgusted that they couldn't use the scenes.
Howard played a bit that the guys had created using ''Brokeback Mountain'' clips and Artie on ''Queer Eye'' yelling about the gay guys while he was drunk and getting made over. Howard got back to Eric and asked him if it was hard for him to get through last night. Eric said that it wasn't tough and he got through about half and half. He was holding his phone in a way that it was muffling the voice so Howard was goofing on him and making that ''Ehhh'' noise he makes every time Eric calls in.
Howard asked Eric when he voted and how long he did it. Eric said he did it in that two hour voting window for the West coast callers. Robin said that she actually called to make sure that the voting was working by calling a different number. She actually voted for someone else to test it out. Eric was saying that he's now hoping that Sanjaya sticks around for a few more weeks because there's some kind of charity thing going on and it means more money for the charity if he sticks around. Howard said he kind of knew what he was talking about. Eric explained what it was and how there are a few sponsors who are giving money to this charity.
Artie interrupted and said that he thinks there's way too much butter on his bagel this morning. It was piled on so high that it looked like cream cheese. Artie said that the guy might be goofing on him at this point. Howard said it looks like someone dropped a load on the bagel. That led to them doing the ''Dropping Loads'' bit and playing clips of a porn guy talking about dropping his loads.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he voted for Sanjaya over 500 times last night. He said he spent an hour and a half doing that. Howard told Eric that he could have voted for four hours if he had started after the East coast airing. Eric said it depends on your area code and he couldn't make it through.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eric is probably lying about voting for Sanjaya. Eric told the guy that he was going to have to vote for him anyway if he had lost that Trivia challenge he had earlier this week. The caller said that Eric never changes his ways and he's probably lying about this whole thing. Howard told Eric that he believes him. Eric thanked him for that and said that he's the only smart one. The caller thinks that Eric is using reverse psychology on Howard and he's not voting for Sanjaya. Eric said ''He's not correct...''
Captain Janks said he got through over 260 times last night. He said he could give a crap about Sanjaya or American Idol, he's just doing this for Howard. He said he thinks that Sanjaya could have won it even without them because he's pretty good. He also said that this has to be one of the worst American Idol shows as far as singers go.
Howard went into a prank call that the guys made using some Eric the Midget audio clips. Howard got back to Eric and talked about tonight's American Idol and how Robin Thicke is going to be a special guest on the show as well as Jennifer Lopez. Howard said he doesn't give a shit about Robin Thicke. Gary told Howard that the result show is an hour long tonight. He said that they're going to keep it that way from now on. Howard said they're ruining that show by doing that so he's glad that they're going to ruin it and get rid of it for good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he hasn't been able to get laid since he started voting for Sanjaya because his wife won't do it now. Another caller said that he's proud to be part of the 0.0 out in Las Vegas. He was referring to Opie and Anthony's ratings out there in Vegas. The guy asked Fred to play the Imus song that Fred crated about Imus. Fred said he had played it at the show open but Howard told him to go ahead and play it again so that's what he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he voted about 100 times last night. He didn't know what the number was but they did run the number on Howard's channel. He said it was about 10:30 last night and he saw the number on the screen (on his radio) and voted about 100 times. Another caller said that his wife made him sleep on the couch because he was voting for Sanjaya.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she hopes that Howard makes up with Richard Simmons after yesterday's show. Howard said he was really trying to make up with Richard out by the elevators but it didn't work. Beth told him to call Richard but he just couldn't bring himself to do that. Robin also said that he did leave right at 6:45 when he was supposed to leave so she's kind of suspicious about his crying.
Howard said that there was this one guy who actually became part of his couch because he never got off of it. He said it was like he became a super hero and melded with his couch. Artie talked about how that 750 pound guy and how he was still eating tons of food and saying that it wasn't the kind of food he was eating, it was about ''lesser portions.'' Fred said that special is actually available on DVD (The 750 Pound Man). Artie said there's another special about this disease that is something like Prader Willi. He explained what that was all about and how funny it was to watch.
JD told Howard he had a clip from the Prader Willi show. Howard played that clip where this kid was screaming for ice cream when the ice cream truck drove through the neighborhood. They follow this kid who is constantly hungry and she goes around begging people for food and claims she has no mother to feed her. The girl in the show is 17 years old and she sounds kind of retarded. Howard said he doesn't believe that this kid has any disease called Prader Willi and she's just a fat person.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Imus thing and how he was talking about what he was going to do for his show by hiring a black person to be on his show and sit in a booth. He was trying to make a joke about Robin and her booth but no one was laughing. Howard said that Imus really did say he was going to add a black person to the show so he played a clip of that comment. Imus said he's been talking about doing that for a long time now and he does think that he should have a black person on the show to give some different perspective.
Howard and the guys goofed on Imus for a few minutes. They were talking about how dopey he is for doing this stuff and not just walking away. Artie said that he sees why Howard has distanced himself from these people. He talked about how lame they are and how they're all kind of sleazy. He mentioned the Opie and Anthony thing and how they have the 0.0 rating in Las Vegas. Howard read that Opie and Anthony are actually friends with Imus and they're backing him up in all of this nonsense. He thought that was pretty funny. He loves watching this whole thing cave in on the old company he used to work for.
Artie said he was supposed to get together with Tom Chiusano. Howard said that he wishes they had a job for him there because he really is a good dude. He said he still talks to Tom and e-mails him. He's such a pro that he won't talk about how unhappy he is over there. The guy just works hard and does his thing there.
Eric the Midget started breathing in a strange way so Howard asked him what was going on. Eric said he was just listening. He also told Howard that Ralph should bring his American Idol show back next week. Howard said they might have to do that. Eric said he'd have more to say if he did the show again. He has more questions for Constantine.
Eric said that he left a message for Gary and he needs him to get back to him. He was being very cryptic with that message. Artie said he keeps forgetting that Eric tried to put a hit on a guy. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard said that t