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Howard started off the show talking about how just a few days ago it was October and also that they had turned the clocks back this past weekend. Robin said that we had gone a week longer than usual for the time change. Howard said he likes that they went longer and he wondered whose idea that was. Robin said it was Congress who passed that. Howard said he liked it. Robin said that she likes that she gets that hour back when the clocks change.
Howard said that he woke up this morning wondering how Jerry Seinfeld's movie ''Bee Movie'' did over the weekend. He was hoping it failed but it made $39 million. Robin said she was trying to figure out how to make it a failure but she wasn't able to come up with anything. She said she was mad at Jerry because she heard him as the Bee character doing a McDonald's commercial. Artie said that it's not a voice, it's just Jerry speaking.
Artie said he likes that the ''American Gangster'' did so well and made even more than the Bee Movie. That led to the guys talking about the character that movie was based on and he's out of jail now and walking around like a big celebrity.
Howard wasn't sure who they were talking about exactly so Robin and Artie filled him in a little bit. Gary came in and wanted to give Howard some information but he didn't want anything spoiled before he actually sees the movie. That movie was number one at the theaters over the weekend.
Howard wondered who had directed it and the guys let him know that it was Ridley Scott. Howard said he actually met Ridley at a restaurant one night. He said he ran into Ron Howard and he introduced him to Ridley Scott that night. They were working on this ''American Gangster'' movie at the time.
Artie thought Howard had auditioned for Ridley Scott one time but Howard told him that it was actually Renne Harlan who had a horrible career at directing movies here in the States. Howard said the guy was an asshole anyway. He was on his phone the whole time he was in for the audition.
Howard said the movie he auditioned for, that Dice Clay movie ''Ford Fairlane,'' turned out to be a piece of shit anyway. He said he likes Dice but that movie might be one of the worst movies ever made.
Artie said he has an audition today. He has a new agent now and they called him up to audition for a part in a Jennifer Aniston movie. He said he'd be the third lead in the movie but the auditioning is so awkward and he hates them. He said he hates that move of not having the guy look at him. He said it's really arrogant. Howard said that he should take his attitude and just tell them that if they want him, they have to just take him without the audition.
Robin went over to Artie's apartment for a drink with him before they went back to Manhattan for the play. Howard thought that was kind of odd. He said that they shouldn't have gone over to New Jersey before going back to New York. He told Artie that you don't do that before you go to a play unless you're trying to get laid. Artie said his mom and sister also came so it wasn't like that.
Robin enjoyed the view from Artie's apartment which is pretty amazing. Artie said that they went down to the restaurant after Robin showed up. His mother came to dinner as well but his sister was working in the city so she met them there.
Artie said that they saw ''A Bronx Tale'' and he really enjoyed it just by what Chaz Palmentari was doing physically. He played all of the parts in the play and Robin said it was amazing. Howard said he doesn't like that kind of stuff. He also wondered if he was handling the lighting as well. Artie joked that he had filled his chair during a bathroom break.
Robin said that they went to this restaurant in Artie's building, called Lua, and it was very good. Artie said that the place is fantastic. Robin said she told someone about going there and the person told her ''of course Artie would have a restaurant in his building...''
Robin said it was kind of funny that Artie didn't know how to open a bottle of wine. Artie said his neighbors had given him a bottle as a gift one time and he was lucky he had that in there. He went over to open it and he wasn't quite sure how to do that. He didn't bother peeling off the stuff on the bottle so the cork ended up going into the bottle.
Howard said that it seems like they had a nice night together. They both said that it was a good time. Robin said that she learned one of Artie's tricks for his diet. He drinks water right up until he gets his meal, then he orders his soda. Artie said that he used to drink like 7 sodas before his meal, now it's just one during the meal. Howard was surprised that he does that.
Artie said that he and Robin had to run up to the play to get in there on time. They won't let people get in if they show up late so the made it at the last second. Then they saw a couple come in about 5 minutes into the show and get seated so they got kind of pissed about that.
Howard said he watched the New England game as well and talked about how good looking the quarterback is on that team. He said he asked Beth if she thinks he's hot and she told him that he's ''really hot'' to her. The guys spent a few minutes on the football stuff. They talked about the stuff that went on during the games and Howard was saying that the guys who are amazing are the guys who come up with the point spreads. He said that they're so right on with the spreads that it gets people betting like crazy. He said that they're geniuses.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was reading in the Daily News last week that Imus is going to be bigger than he ever has when he starts on WABC there in New York. Howard said that David Hinckley is a good guy but he seems to be a little misguided. He said that Imus isn't going to be big and he never was. He said someone else wrote an article about Imus where the guy said that the bottom line is that Imus is boring and his show is unlistenable.
Howard said that he doesn't get why they're ditching the two guys who are on that station now, who are getting good ratings, to put Imus on. He and Robin also talked about how it looks like Imus has had some work done on his face since he lost his job at WFAN. Howard thanked Bobo for the call and let him go.
Howard said that some people were taking Sal and Richard's side in the fight. One guy said that Artie could be replaced much easier than Sal and Richard. There were some people saying the opposite and that Sal and Richard should be fired. There was one guy who thought that using JD as their spokesman was a great idea.
Howard said that he got some calls from some people in the industry who told him that the whole show on Thursday was great. There was an e-mail from someone who said that the fight seemed to be bullshit and it was all set up for the show. Howard said that this guy has figured it all out and he should be a lawyer. He said that sarcastically.
Howard read some mail about the Miss Howard Stern reality show. The one he read said that the show was great. There was some mail about Cousin Brucie's interview as well. Some fans enjoyed that interview and let him know.
Howard read one e-mail about Lisa G being a cutie pie and talked about what a great person she is on the show. The writer had googled her and saw that she was very attractive.
Howard said that Sean Hannity hopped on that bandwagon and came out against Halloween. Robin said that these guys must go someplace to get their talking points because they all come out at the same time. Howard played a clip of Hannity talking about how the holiday is like teaching the kids to become liberal.
Richard came in to defend Halloween and said that the Churches are the places that scare kids even more than the scary Halloween stuff. He said that they show all kinds of pictures of people dying of AIDS and stuff like that. He went to one of these things one time and at the end of the tour they had a guy hanging from a cross like Jesus and it scared the shit out of some people.
Howard said that Richard was getting blasted by the guys on Miserable Men last night. He played some of the clips where they were going off on Richard because he had asked for some more money. Shuli was saying that it was an issue with Richard that was making them sick of doing these big Killers of Comedy Shows. Shuli said that Richard has been complaining about the hotels, the money and other things.
Richard said that Bob flipped out on him over the weekend at the show they did. He said he didn't know about Bob being upset with him until later on. Shuli said that Richard wanted some extra money for doing two shows that night because he wasn't told that he was doing two shows. Bob and Shuli talked about how Richard has to give them a break, everyone else is getting paid and they have to pay taxes just like Richard does.
Howard wondered why they work with Richard then. He said that Richard is a draw for some reason and they feel they need him but if they don't, then don't put him on the bill. Richard said that Bob didn't ask him about doing the second show and he wasn't sure why he didn't get the same pay that he got for the first show. He said he thought that both shows were sold out but that apparently wasn't the case.
Howard said that maybe Richard should go out and do something with someone else. Richard said he's doing one in December. He thinks he's still doing it unless it's not okay with Artie. Artie said he doesn't want to work with Richard so he wants him to cancel. Artie said he'll pay him for the gig, he just doesn't want him to show up. Richard said he won't do that. Richard said he guesses he won't be in Cleveland then.
Richard said he doesn't want to argue with Bob and Shuli about that stuff either. He said that he and Sal have to take off Friday once in a while to do these shows and they don't want to lose money on that. Howard played another clip where Shuli was talking about Richard asking for more money when he's making a lot more than the other comedians are making after being in the business for a lot longer. Shuli was also saying that Bob had to get him his money the next day and he was fine with that as well.
Howard said that Shuli is saying that he loves what he's doing but meanwhile no one actually loves doing it. Richard said he loves doing comedy as well and he gets up on stage and has a great time. He said that he and Shuli go to Caroline's on Tuesday nights to work on material. He said that he just wants to get a little bit of money to do the shows and if they don't want to pay it, he won't do the shows.
Howard didn't know that Sal and Richard were taking time off on Fridays and he didn't like the idea of that. Richard said that they get some days off during the year and those are the days they take, they're not taking time off that they're not supposed to get. Howard said he was fine with that then.
Howard said that it shouldn't matter if Richard likes doing the job and his pay there shouldn't matter either. Richard said that Shuli even comes up to him and tells him he does good on those comedy shows. He's not sure what the problem is. He apologized for asking those guys about the money over the weekend.
Richard said that he and Sal slept at a fan's house instead of at a hotel when they were out doing this comedy thing. He said it wasn't a big problem and he's not sure why it was a big problem that he asked about getting a hotel room.
Richard said that next year he's going to work on his own comedy thing and not work with them on these shows anymore. He said he wants to just do local shows by himself instead. He said he hates that he upset those guys because they're his good friends.
Artie was staying quite throughout this whole thing until Howard asked him if it was tough to do so. Artie said it really is tough to stay quiet and then went off on Richard for talking behind people's backs. That led to Richard saying that he's not talking to Jason now because of all of that. He said that there are no facts that he spoke behind Artie's back about anything. He said that he swears that he doesn't talk behind people's backs.
Jason came in and said that Richard did talk about Artie behind his back but he's sorry he brought it up on the air. Richard didn't remember the conversation but Jason didn't want to go there again. Jason said that he knows that Richard was just venting and he's sorry that he brought it up on the air.
Richard said he was upset about some stuff that Artie had said about him at the roast. He said that Artie knew about that already though. Howard cut them off before they went too far with this whole thing.
Shuli was on the phone so Howard asked him about some of the stuff he said on Miserable Men last night. He wondered why it matters what kind of money Richard is making at the radio show and why it matters if he likes doing comedy or not. Shuli said that he has to work with Richard and he does some stuff that's really annoying. He said that they did a comedy show up in Canada and asked the promoter for him to cover his roaming charges on his cell phone. Richard didn't remember doing that either.
Shuli said that the tour is losing money because they're not paying huge money to rent out some of these places they play. Richard said that they sold out the first show Friday night. Shuli said that they sold out the first one but not the second. Shuli said that he saw Richard working his way around the room trying to find out if that show was sold out. Howard said he now sees what they were talking about because Richard seemed to be going around the room trying to find someone on his side in the whole thing.
Richard said he didn't remember going to Yucko about that subject. Shuli told him that he might want to wait until after the shows to complain about stuff like that. It puts people in a bad mood when he does it before the show. Shuli was also talking about how Richard is making better money than most comedians who have only been doing this for 2 or 3 years. Howard said that's bullshit though because he's getting paid what he can get paid to do these shows.
Artie said that these guys all have a problem that won't go away. They all need each other. He said that Sal and Richard get the plugs on the show but can't do 45 minutes at the show. The comedians can't get the plugs on the show, but they can do 45 minutes. Artie said that they're not going to find a happy ground to settle on because of that. He said that Richard shouldn't be asking for a breakdown on the kind of money that they're making with the show if he's just on the bill.
Howard said that Bob Levy is running the show and Richard shouldn't care what the breakdown is if he knows what he's going to be paid before the show. Artie told him that he should tell Bob ''no'' before the show if he doesn't want to do it.
Artie said that Shuli should know that he knows people who can do 3 hours of material, but they're not a draw. Richard and Sal are a draw for the shows and they have to find a happy ground that they can agree on. Richard said he didn't know that Shuli was making less money than him either. He said he didn't know that until after he heard Miserable Men last night.
Howard took some calls and one guy said he's tired of hearing this stuff and people like Shuli should shut the fuck up. He said that some people raise up quicker in the ranks than others do. Jessica Hahn also called in and said that Shuli was just hired there to do the news and he's making it seem like he's some huge comedian. Shuli shot back at her with a comment about spreading his pussy lips for Penthouse or something.
Artie said he thinks that Sal and Richard should come up with their own show and go out and do that instead. He said that maybe they could do the ball licking stuff or something like that in their act. Richard said he did see Steve-O do a show one time and he just went up and did some of his crazy stunts on stage. Howard said he wouldn't have a problem with them doing stuff like that. He said he thinks that they could make some good money doing this stuff.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked why these guys want to be comedians when they do such great things on the show already. Howard said the fans like to see them out making appearances and stuff and it brings them a few extra bucks. Howard said that Tim Sabean came to him and said that it seems like they may be turning into something where they turn on each other over the next few years.
Artie said he knows that he's in a bad way because he has such ill feelings toward a couple of people there and it won't go away. Howard said he was kind of getting annoyed with the show and everyone getting along. He said they do need to throw some water on this hot situation and put a stop to it.
Artie said that Jason telling him about Richard talking about him behind his back was great for him because he had this look of glee on his face as he was doing it. Howard got sidetracked and said it looked like Artie had dyed his hair over the weekend. It turns out that he just shaved.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked Artie how many times he's actually gotten as angry as he did at Sal last week. Artie said it's only been maybe 2 or 3 times in his life. Dominic asked if he carried any of his anger from the roasts into that thing last week. Artie said that he really doesn't do that. He blasted Sal himself so they all get it in the end.
Artie said that last week he thinks he saw the real Sal and that's what made him snap. He said that Sal said some things that he'll never get out of his head and he knows that they're talking about him behind his back too so that's what got him boiling. Now he doesn't want to hang around those guys. Dominic said that Sal also has some anger built up inside of him and he showed that during the times when he was going off on Artie.
Artie said that the stuff that comes up during the roasts is stuff that just means the gloves are off. He said that it came to a complete head last week when he snapped on Sal. Howard said that he's kind of upset that he had the guys go in that direction last week. He said that if he could just cage everyone in their own little areas, maybe everyone would be happier. He wished Richard luck with all of his stuff. Richard said that time heals everything but Howard told him that's not really the case with everything. He said that there are some things that people never get over.
Howard said that they have two guys from ''Entourage'' coming in today. Kevin and Adrian will be in. Robin got all excited over Adrian coming in. She's apparently a big fan of his. She
Howard said that Richie called him a few weeks ago and talked to him about that whole thing. He said that Richie told him that he was in touch with the movie company and they lifted his saying after he had talked to them about doing some kind of tie in with them. He said Richie then told him he was going to be suing them. He told him to do what he has to do but he knows little about it. He isn't sure why Richie wanted him to know but he's seen a bunch of press on it. He said that it's become about him now because it's his cousin and that's what the headlines are reading. Howard said it makes it seem like he's suing someone when he's got nothing to do with it.
Howard said there's a thing in Page Six (HAD CAKE, THREW IT TOO) today about the birthday bash that hey held for Ronnie at Headquarters. Of course he had nothing to do with it but his name is in bold letters of the headline of the story. He said people are going to think that he was at the strip club and had something to do with the party. He said he doesn't blame Richard Johnson for this, he's blaming Ronnie for having these parties and doing what he does. He said that it's always him even though he has nothing to do with it. He said he feels used when it comes to that and even with the lawsuit against the Bee Movie. He said he really does love his cousin but he has absolutely nothing to do with the case.
Howard said that he doesn't like being involved in all of this stuff he's not really involved with. He said that if his name wasn't used in the case, it wouldn't have been so heavily publicized. He said he's fine with it and doesn't want Richie calling him about this, but it does seem like they attach his name to stuff like this in the news all the time.
Artie said that Howard's cousin has made a big deal out of that ''Give bees a chance'' thing when he did a live commercial with Howard one time. Melrose said that he used it 400 times on the air. Howard said he read that too.
Melrose let Artie know that he's on his side of things in all of this comedy stuff. He said that he and Artie go way back. Howard said that Melrose is actually pissed at JD because he thinks that he stole his job. Melrose said that he's ready to work in an office environment and he'd be happy to take that job if JD left. Howard let him go and took some more phone calls.
A woman asked Howard about the ''Give bees a chance'' thing because it's like they stole that from a Beatles song. Howard said he knows nothing about it and he refers all questions to his cousin and his lawyers. He also talked about the Ronnie thing and how he didn't even get the benefit of going to that party that night. Now the story has his name all over it and he didn't even get to go.
Howard went off on Ronnie for a few minutes talking about how Ronnie is getting these great parties thrown for him at these strip clubs because he's on this show and he should be behaving himself. He said Ronnie will say that he didn't put the story in the paper but that's not the point.
Howard said that hey show you real lungs and told Artie he should go see what they look like after smoking for a while. There's one shot of a guy holding up his own skin and there are brains, guts, balls and other things hanging around. He said that they have this big, black, crusty thing that turns out to be a lung of a smoker and it's so disgusting that people stop smoking as soon as they see it.
Howard said people look like beef or chicken when they're cut open and he may have to become a vegan after seeing this display. Gary came in and asked if it's cool for kids. Howard was gagging just thinking about it and he said that it's super educational and better than any biology class. He wasn't sure if it was going to be good for little kids. Gary asked if he'd take a 10 year old. Howard wouldn't answer, he kept asking the other guys what they thought about it.
Richard went to see it 7 years ago and he hasn't been able to get over what he saw. He said you see the whole nervous system, blood vessels and other stuff like that. Richard said that some of the stuff looks like the body just exploded. Robin said that she used to dissect stuff when she was a nurse so she probably wouldn't have a bad reaction to it.
Howard said that he kind of wished he'd never seen this display. He said it was vile and he can't get over it. Richard said that there are some things in the show that make you realize that these were real people at one point.
Howard said that there's even a list that people can sign up for so they can be part of the display when you die. Howard said that they even offered to let him touch one of the bodies but he just had to get out of there. Robin said that it was a creepy thing to work on a human cadaver when she was doing it. Howard said that it really is weird to see that stuff.
Howard brought up how Katie Holmes had run the New York City Marathon. She took 5 1/2 hours to do it so Howard figured she walked it. He said that's barely moving. Artie said that Howard sure can throw his stones, he sure can't. Howard said that Artie could probably walk it in 5 and a half hours if he was in shape.
Howard said that Lance Armstrong did it in 2 hours and 46 minutes which is amazing. Artie said that he deserves all of that pussy he's getting if that's the kind of time he can do.
Howard said he saw an article about a Scores stripper who had a couple of dogs that were apparently stolen from her. He then read the article and it says that she went to a restaurant and tied the dogs up outside and disappeared for a half hour. She then got upset when they disappeared. Howard said he sees these people who do that kind of stuff and maybe they should leave the dogs in their god damn apartments instead of tied up outside.
Howard said the dogs were tied to the scaffolding outside and when she came out, they were gone. He said she shouldn't be surprised that they were stolen. The stripper was saying that she's well known around that area and people will usually come in and get her if there is a problem with them. Fred said that they were probably stolen and used for pit bull dog fight training or something. Howard said he doesn't get this and why someone would leave their dogs unattended outside like that. He said that people are just fucked up.
Howard said that he was reading about this King Tut over the weekend. He said they opened up the casket and they showed his real face. He said he looked good in the gold casket but when they took him out, he looked like Morgan Freeman or someone like that.
Howard said that Paul McCartney must be going nuts with this Heather Mills going out and doing all of these interviews on every single show she can get booked on. Now McCartney is suing her for full custody of their child because of some of the stuff she's been saying on the air.
Howard played some audio of Heather Mills talking about the way she's being treated and saying that she's got things that she could reveal about Paul that would be huge. She said that she's protecting him by not coming out with this stuff. She's also saying that she's in debt with her lawyers for $3 million because of all of this stuff that has gone on.
Howard played a couple of different clips where this Heather Mills is talking about stuff that went on between her and Paul. One interviewer asked her if it's true that she claims to have a tape of Paul claiming that he hit his late wife. She said she wasn't able to comment on that.
Howard dropped that whole thing after going off on Mills for a short time about her ridiculous complaints. Howard changed subjects again and brought up this movie ''American Gangster'' and the guy the movie was based on. He's saying that he's going to be coming out with a bunch of stuff based on his life.
Howard said that Jesse Jackson has come out against the XM / SIRIUS merger. The merger has been in talks for 10 months now and Jesse is coming out after all this time saying that he thinks that this could stop minorities from getting in on ownership or on the air. Howard said that the guy doesn't even have a good explanation for why he's against this thing though. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Debbie has been on the show since 1997 and even started them off on the air there at SIRIUS. Abby said she thinks it's time for a new Queen of the Queefers. Debbie said that she will always be the mother queefer even if she loses today. She said that she thinks that Eve should be the queen of all queefs. Abby won the contest though so she thinks that she should be the Queen.
Howard said that they were going to call the winner the world champion today. He said they're going to measure the loudness and length of the queefs that they do today. Debbie said that she's pretty sure she's going to lose today but she doesn't care. She got in a plug for her web site QueenDebbie.com
Debbie was going nuts saying that she used to do drugs and stuff and then jokingly told Artie that she's holding this morning and wanted to take him to the back and do it with him. Howard said that Debbie is wild with her stories but Abby is wild too. Debbie had also said that she had a threesome one time with a couple of guys. Howard asked Abby if she's done stuff like that. She said she did have that with a couple of girls.
Debbie said that she's actually off of drugs now and her husband helped get her off of them. Abby said that she's not a drug addict but she likes girls and stuff like that.
Howard moved on to the game and said they were going to do the Longest Queef first. This has to be one continuous queef, which a vaginal fart, and Mike Gange will be timing it. Abby took off her pants and Debbie pulled up her skirt. She said she couldn't take off her panties because her husband would come in and stop her if she did. Abby kept her panties on too.
Howard had Abby go first. He said that she's got a great body. Artie said she really is adorable. She's got two kids though. She said she didn't have tits so Howard suggested she enter the Hottest Chick / Smallest Tits contest they have coming soon.
Abby warmed up with a queef and then blasted out a six second queef. Debbie was up next and did her warm up. She said she's had her title since 1997. She could be losing it today though. She then blasted out about a 1 second queef. She said that was her weakest queef and she thinks that she can come back in the speed and loudness categories.
Abby took the first round. Fred played a theme song for the event and it turns out they were Debbie's queefs from a time when she was trying to suck in water so they were very wet sounding. Howard moved on to the loudest queef category and said that they have a DB meter in there just for this event. They took the first blast from Abby who blasted a -8.5 which was actually almost at 0 which his the loudest it will go. Mike explained how it works but it wasn't all that clear. Debbie went up next and tried to blast out her loudest queef. She blasted out a couple of practice queefs and then blasted out one that came in at a -1.8 which was louder than Abby's.
Howard said that this is coming down to one event now. This category is the most queefs in a certain time period. Debbie was telling Artie how much she loves him. She wouldn't stop talking and Abby said she didn't say much last time because of the whacko Eve and this time it's the Whacko Debbie. She said she takes this very seriously and Debbie was just singing and doing all kinds of stuff so she wasn't able to get a word in.
Abby said she didn't think there was anything sexy about watching a queef. Robin said that she thinks that Debbie is on something because of the way she's acting. She was coughing on Will and she claimed to have bronchitis. Will said he'd like to have a mask to keep the germs out. Howard said it might be too late at this point. Artie was laughing his ass off at one point but they just said you'll have to see what went on when it hits Howard TV.
Howard said that they have a real competition going on there and Abby is really seething over this whole Debbie thing. Abby said that the last time she was on the counting of the queefs wasn't done right last time. Gange said they were just counting the outs, not the in sounds. Abby said that she makes the noise going in though so Howard said that those should be counted too.
Abby started blasting away and had a really rapid fire way of doing hers. She blasted out for 30 seconds and they came out with 93 queefs in that time. Debbie said she was nervous after that. Jason confirmed the 93. The guys from Entourage, Kevin Connelly and Adrian Grenier, were in Gary's office watching as that was going on.
Howard said that it was time for Debbie to try and beat Abby. She blasted out a couple of practice blasts and then did her thing. She blasted out much slower than Abby did and it was clear from the start that she was going to lose her title this morning.
Abby was doing her victory dance already, before the time was up. Debbie went to shake Abby's hand but she didn't want to take it since she had just stuck her fingers down below. Howard asked Debbie how she felt. She said she feels that she's the mother of all queefers and Eve is really the Queen of Queefs even though Abby won. She said that she'll always be the original queefer. Abby told her ''Not anymore!''
Howard asked for some music from Fred so he could sing a song. Fred wasn't prepared so it took a few seconds before he had it. Howard sang some stuff about Abby's win and then gave her a chance to say something. She said she knew she'd walk out the winner this morning. Howard gave each of them $500 as prizes and let them say a few more words.
Abby said she's been queefing since she was 11 or 12. Artie wanted to hear a speech from Debbie as well. She said that she's very proud of Abby and she's always a gracious person. Abby told Howard how she found out she could queef accidentally. She said that she was trying to learn out to fart at the time and ended up queefing. She said she can actually do the fart thing, but not as well as the queef. She demonstrated and sucked in some air and farted.
Howard found out that Debbie had queefed for the first time at 5 years old. She and a friend discovered it accidentally. Debbie isn't able to fart like Abby can though. Gary came in and said that Kevin and Adrian were in his office and they must have had bets on this thing because when it was over. Adrian got up and gave Kevin a $20 bill. Debbie said she loves Adrian because he had his money on her. Howard let the girls go and went to break after that.
Howard said that he spoke to these guys when their show was first starting when they came in with Mark Wahlberg. They said that they weren't sure that this show was going to be as big as it got. Kevin said that he was on the show talking about how he used to date Nikki Cox years ago and then Bobcat Goldtwait stole her from him. They talked about that for a short time because Artie worked with her on The Norm Show for a year. Artie said that she had a huge black body guard with her all the time. Kevin said she had a stalker problem back then.
Artie said that he and Norm weren't able to concentrate because she'd show up wearing a guinea T-shirt. Howard asked Kevin what it was like to lose Nikki to Bobcat. He said it wasn't one of his finer moments. He said that they had to work together for a year after the breakup too. Adrian said that he'd never do that to Kevin himself.
Howard said that Adrian works out at his gym and it was kind of weird because they weren't talking to each other. He said one day he just stopped and said hello to him. Kevin said he thinks they were just trying not to bother each other and didn't talk.
Howard said he had a lot to talk about today but he had to get back to Kevin. Howard said that recently Kevin was at the MTV awards when Kid Rock and Tommy Lee got into a fight. Kevin said that he was there but didn't want to incriminate anyone. He said that they were all at one table and Adrian was there as well. Howard asked if the cops interviewed them. They said that they weren't interviewed. Adrian said that he was mesmerized by Alica Keys on stage so he didn't pay much attention to what was going on.
Kevin said that Kid Rock had come over and sat down and then Tommy came over and sat next to him. All of a sudden kid Rock just punched him. He said that Kid was in his assigned seat when Tommy just came over and sat next to him for no reason. He thinks that Tommy didn't even know what he had done. Then Kid Rock told Tommy to get the fuck away from him and punched him. He said Tommy didn't have any time to say anything though. Security was there within seconds and they got Tommy out of there and Kid Rock left. Howard said that had to have been better than what was going on up on stage.
Howard said that Kevin must like violence because he once punched Brandon Davis in the face. Kevin said that Brandon dated Nikki Hilton and so did he. Howard asked Kevin if she paid for everything when he was dating her. Kevin said that he's been treated pretty well by HBO so he can pay for dinner and stuff. Howard said that HBO is known for being cheap so he figured that Nikki would have taken care of all of that stuff. Kevin said that her family did take him on vacation one time so they do have the money to take care of him. He said her family hates him now because they had an ugly break up.
Howard said they could do a whole interview just on this subject alone. He asked Kevin about going out with the two Nikkis and which one he would pick if he had to pick between Nikki Hilton and Nikki Cox. Kevin said he wasn't sure which one he'd pick and he didn't go with either one. He said that they were both fine and he gets along with both of them now. He said that Jay Mohr, who is married to Nikki Cox now, is a nice guy too.
Howard asked Kevin if he ever was attracted to Paris and Nikki at the same time. He said that he wasn't and he actually met Nikki through Paris. Howard got back to the Brandon Davis thing and asked why he'd punch the guy in the face. Kevin said that it was always the people around Nikki that bothered him and he was one of those people at the time. He said that he's okay now but back then he was being rude to him and he popped him. Kevin said he doesn't have to go to anger management or anything from this stuff. Howard read that he had popped a pro skateboarder one night too. Kevin said that he's a good friend of his but he was out of control one night and he had to take him down. Kevin said that he was up in the DJ booth yelling out that he wanted to suck Nikki's pussy and that's what led to him taking him down. Kevin said that they were fine after that night, he even got him a job on Entourage.
Howard asked Adrian if people are jealous of him because he's such a good looking guy and he's famous. Robin said he's so good looking that Howard won't even talk to him at the gym. Adrian said that his friends aren't like that so he doesn't have to worry about it. Howard asked him if he got started having sex early on. He said he was a late bloomer but chicks were always all over him. He said he never had any teachers coming on to him though. Howard figured that some guy teachers might come on to him too.
Adrian said he started out in acting when he was 18 but didn't get serious until he was 21. Howard figured he can go to any party he wants and get laid. Robin said that's what the show is about. Howard said that he must not have been turned down by Andy women at this point in his life.
Howard read that Adrian is dating a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model by the name of Melissa Keller. Howard said he's read that they even take time off from each other once in a while but get back together. Kevin said that they met on the show and he was there when it happened. Adrian said that he let Kevin take a shot at her too. Kevin said he didn't do that though.
Howard asked Adrian about hooking up with this chick and how he breaks things off with her. Adrian said that she was kind of flaky at the start and then he'd break up not knowing if he wanted to make it a long term relationship. He said there's no protocol there and you just open up and let the person know what you're thinking.
Adrian said he thinks that they're on again right now but she's out on the West Coast and he's in New York. Howard asked him if he's in love with her. He said that he's not sure what that means. Howard said that he's got a great resume. He read that he was with Kirsten Dunst but he thinks he could do much better. Adrian said he never dated her. He never went out with Melissa Joan Heart either. Howard's list was a bit off according to Adrian. He said that they seem to be trying to make him ore like his character when he's really not like that.
Howard said that Adrian made this documentary about trying to find his real father. His parents were hippies and his father ended up leaving when he was really young. He eventually found his real father and he was rejected from what he heard. Adrian said that his wife was the one who was threatened by the whole thing. He said that she was threatened by him and she was the one who told him not to come around anymore.
Howard asked Adrian if he was bitter and angry when he met his father. He figured that he must have been upset but Adrian said he really didn't have any feelings toward him at all. He said his mother did a great job raising him. Howard asked him why he was searching for him if he didn't care. Adrian said that he had a father figure in his life who also ended up splitting on him too because he felt abandoned by him.
Artie saw this movie and the movie opens up on Father's day at Yankee stadium. He said that meant a lot to him because he and his father used to go. He said that the guy who was his father figure was clearly annoyed by the whole thing in the movie. Artie said there's a great scene where Kevin and this guy are having dinner and it's clear that he's really bothered that Adrian is searching for him. The movie is called ''Shot in the Dark.'' Howard said he's going to have to check that out.
Howard said that there was a story about Adrian having sex with two models while he was out at the Sundance Film Festival. Kevin said that didn't happen and it was just the tabloids doing their thing.
Howard asked what the guys were in to promote. They were promoting this book that's out about the show. It's coffee table book. They're out promoting it even though they're not making money off the thing. They're going to be out signing copies in the city today at the HBO Shop and at a Borders Book in Columbus Circle today.
Howard took some phone calls and let some fans talk to the guys. One woman asked them if they smoke real weed on the show. They said it's =not real weed, they can't do that stuff on the set. Adrian said that he likes weed but doesn't inhale.
One caller asked Kevin if Nikki Cox's tits were real. Kevin said that they were so Howard asked her what it's like when you first get inside a chick like that. Kevin was only 17 at the time and he thinks that she was way out of her league at the time.
Howard took a call from Celeste who said that she would orgasm if she spoke to these guys. Howard had them talk to her and tried to help her get off. She said she was masturbating at the time so they tried talking to her but laughed when she said, in a husky voice, that she'd like to suck Adrian's cock. They laughed when they heard that. Adrian said he was blushing hearing that. He said he hasn't gone that far out there yet. Howard told him that was very selfish of him to do that to his show.
Another caller asked if Kevin is seeing the hot 19 year old blonde from Dancing with the Stars. Kevin said that he just met her and she's fantastic. He has gone out with her a couple of times. Howard said he wanted to smell his fingers after hearing that. He said she's his favorite and she's got the best body he's seen. She's 19, a professional dancer and she's dancing with the race car driver, Helio Castroneves. Kevin said that he has gone out with her a couple of times so Howard asked him if he's taken her back to his place. Kevin said that she's fantastic and he is actively pursuing her but he's not ''dating her'' at this point.
Adrian said that he hasn't met her yet. Kevin said he wasn't sure how the caller could have known about him dating her because hardly anyone knows. Howard said there's actually a picture of them in Us magazine. Kevin said that she's a 10 but Howard said she might be a 12. He said that she's the sweetest person he's met. He said that he hasn't banged her but he really likes her. He said he's not sure if she's seeing anyone either. He said he does talk to her on the phone every day.
Howard asked who's hotter, Kevin's girl or Adrian's. Kevin said that he and Adrian have different taste in woman so things work out for them that way. They don't go after the same chicks. Howard asked Kevin if he has kissed this chick yet. He said he hasn't, yet, but Howard didn't believe it.
Howard asked what the chick's name is from Dancing With the Stars. Kevin said it's Julianne (Hough). Howard said that Adrian better get in on this with some sex stories. Kevin is blowing him away. Adrian said that Kevin is the real ''Vince'' (from Entourage) and no one knows it. Howard said he thinks that he's banged this chick.
Ralph called in and said he thinks that Kevin is happy that she works really long hours because that way she's not bothering him so much. Ralph was saying that the chick is kind of hot but now all that great. Kevin told him that he'd be out of his mind if she was in the room with her.
Ralph was also saying that Entourage has been getting too wacky with the story lines. He said they should just stick to the banging chicks scripts and not concentrate on Ari's gay assistant and stuff like that. Howard asked the guys what else they have going on. Kevin said he's doing a movie with Scarlet Johansen and Jennifer Aniston. Adrian is making another documentary and staying away from the big movies.
Howard gave the guys a plug for the book ''Entourage: A Lifestyle Is a Terrible Thing to Waste'' and the signings they're doing today. Then he had the guys show some pictures of Kevin and Julianne out together.
Howard took a call from Jessica Hahn who said that she knew Kevin because her boyfriend produced the show he was on. She said that she knew a lot of women who wanted him and he's always been loyal to the girls that he was with. She was actually there when the Bobcat Goldtwait thing went down. She also said that Kevin once hugged her from behind thinking that she was Nikki.
Howard took some more phone calls and one guy asked Robin if she was all wet from having these guys in there. She said she's a huge fan of the show so she was very exited to see them. She said she's much more professional than that though.
One guy asked how big of a dick head Jeremy Piven is and if he's bald. Kevin said that he's a good guy and they're all doing very well on the show. Kevin told the guy that was a good question. He also said that they're coming up on the 5th season now and the writers strike could really effect them. Howard said he gets that but doesn't get why Letterman and Leno can't do their shows without writers. He said that those guys should be able to go up and do shows no problem. He said that he'd take over if he could just to prove a point that he doesn't need writers to be entertaining.
Ralph was back on the phone so Howard put him on. Ralph said that Piven used to be bald but he's got hair now. Then he gave Adrian some fashion advice about the tight shirts they have him wearing on the show because his hips look too wide. Howard said he was sounding very gay today. Ralph said that's what he does for a living though and he was just trying to help the guy.
Howard asked Adrian about his best friend in the documentary he made. He said he liked that guy and hoped that Adrian had hooked him up with some pussy. Adrian said that he's actually engaged so he doesn't need to help him out. Howard asked how he can get this documentary. Adrian said he can send him a copy. It's not available in video stores yet.
Howard asked the guys how much longer they're in their contracts for the show. They said they have 2 more years left and both of them said that they love their jobs and they'd do it for as long as they want them to. Howard was trying to find out if they were going to renegotiate their contracts and they said that they love their jobs and don't seem to want to renegotiate. Adrian said that he'd do that show as long as they want him to.
Howard gave them some more plugs and wrapped up a short time later.
Howard played some clips from Oprah's press conference where she talks about a detective going over and interviewing the girls and the staff at the school. Oprah showed up there herself and encouraged the girls to come forward and trust the team to help them. Robin said that this is the second time that she's had to ask people to trust her. She suggested that Oprah just adopt one girl and watch her instead of trying to care for a lot of girls over there.
Howard and Robin spent some time talking about the Oprah thing for a few minutes. Robin said that the girls are supposedly sleeping on 300 count sheets over there at the school but meanwhile, they're also getting beaten and molested. Howard said he gets that she's trying to help, but it is kind of funny that this is happening just 2 months after the school opened. He played more clips from the press conference and goofed on the whole thing. Howard said he thinks that Oprah is in over her head with this stuff.
Howard said he heard that McDonald's is trying to get their Golden Arches flown into space so when we look at the moon we'd see the big M. Howard thinks that it's the greatest idea ever and said that SIRIUS should do something like that with his logo or his face or something. No one owns the moon so maybe they should stick his face on the moon with the SIRIUS logo or his fist logo. He said that since it was his concept, he doesn't want Martha Stewart or anyone else's face up there.
Howard got back to the Oprah stuff and played more of her press conference. They'd listen to a little bit of it and goof on Oprah about it. Howard said that she really is in over her head. He also wondered why they weren't invited to that press conference.
Howard said he knows that Eve is a nice woman and he may be thinking of putting all of them into a super group to perform a song. Eve said that she knows that Abby was upset with her for not letting her get in a word the last time she was on but she didn't think that was the case. Howard cut her off and said that he had to move on. He let her go after that.
Artie said that he and Sal have been avoiding each other and not talking to one another. He saw Sal in the coffee room earlier and neither of them said anything to each other. Howard asked Artie if he thinks that he'll accidentally say hello to him out in the hall. Artie said that he almost did that but when he finds himself doing stuff like that, he'll say a big hello to someone else instead.
Sal came in and said that he actually said hello to Artie in the coffee room and they both realized they weren't going to talk and just looked different ways. Howard heard that Sal's wife feels sorrier for Artie than she does for Sal. Sal said that's true and he told her the story and she told him to pull Artie aside and talk to him instead of yelling at him the way he did. Sal said that she was telling him that she feels for Artie and hopes that he's okay and Sal didn't cause any problems with Artie going back on drugs or killing himself.
Artie said that if something does happen, Sal shouldn't feel guilty. Howard said that he thinks that Sal's wife might go to Artie if something happened to Sal. Sal said that wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen to him. It would actually be a step up if she did that.
Artie said that he can never take a compliment from Sal after the stuff he said to him in the studio when he yelled at him. He said that it's a very difficult and awkward thing that day. He said that they can't have any kind of relationship after what he said. Sal tried explaining himself again and said that what he said isn't what he feels, he was just trying to attack Artie on a professional level, not on a personal level. That's because he felt that Artie was attacking him on that level when he was goofing on his comedy.
Artie said that Sal should never apologize about his opinion. Sal said that he wasn't doing that. Artie said that he never thought that Sal liked that he was on the show and he was never a fan of his. He said now he doesn't feel like he can trust Sal and he can't work with him on anything. He told Sal that he needs him to be honest with him. Sal said that they have had discussions off the air and they've gotten along great. He said that he tries to do anything for Artie to keep him happy.
Sal said that things turned into an explosion and that's what that outburst was the other day. He said that his wife has pointed things out to him about what he did and he knows he should have spoken to Artie on a personal level instead of doing that on the air.
Howard said that he thinks that Sal should go talk to Jason behind Artie's back. Gary said that if they had given Sal another minute, he probably would have cried. Howard said that he didn't think that was the case, he wouldn't have let him go if he was that close to crying.
Howard said that he didn't see any softening with Artie in that. Artie said they can certainly work together but that's it. He didn't throw anything either so that was an improvement.
Howard asked Steve to finish up his report. Steve said that Crackhead Bob is doing just fine and that wasn't him calling in recently claiming to have been kicked out of his home in Texas. They also have a story about Andrew Schuster who got in a Baba Booey reference in a news report about a fire in his apartment.
Steve mentioned that there was a story in the paper about Artie yesterday. Howard said that he saw the article and there were many pictures of Artie in there. Artie said that it was the worst picture in the history of show business in his opinion. He said he looked like a pig in the picture. He said he looked so fat and the look he was giving looked angry. He also looked like he had a fire hose crumpled up in his lap with his gut hanging out.
Steve said that Richard is upset about the Halloween season coming to an end. Howard said that he's a very weird guy. He said that their office manager, Tracy, was over at Richard's apartment and it was a filthy mess. He said that he has to put the pictures up on his web site to show what a mess it is.
Howard said that Richard and this guy are going to get together on Sunday and watch ''Interview with a Vampire'' and watch it at the same time at their homes. They're going to text message each other while they watch it because that was the last thing they did together 12 years ago. Artie said that he could say some funny stuff right now but he can't because it might upset Richard.
Howard told Artie to say what he was going to say. Artie said that he has a prediction about Richard. He said he thinks that Richard had gay sex with this guy. He said that the guy is about to cry and why wouldn't he have a phone number for this guy. Richard said he didn't have a phone back then and the friend went to the Virgin Islands to live for a few years so they lost touch.
Richard said he never even saw this guy naked. He said that this guy has been looking for him for years, he didn't know what had happened to him. Richard said that about 3 years ago he tried calling everyone with this guy's name that he could find in the phone book trying to find him. Robin said that she had a female friend who was like that and tried to find a woman she used to be friends with. She was a lesbian trying to find someone like that.
Gary said that Richard had asked for Will's maid's name to come over and clean up his apartment. Will told Richard not to call her after he saw his apartment. He told him that she wasn't a slave, she's just a maid.
Howard said that he doesn't want people thinking that Richard is really gay, he claims he's not so they can't say that he is. Howard said that Richard was on the verge of crying again so he wanted him to talk more about this friend. Richard said that they used to have a great time making horror movies together and stuff like that. Howard asked him what he would have done if he had found out that he was dead. Richard said he would have flipped out if he had. Richard's voice was quivering and he admitted that he was sounding very gay today. He had tears running down his face according to Robin.
Howard had the guys showing the pictures of Richard's apartment. The toilet was apparently a mess. Richard said his girlfriend actually came over and cleaned up his apartment over the weekend so when he came home from his comedy show trip , it was spotless.
Howard asked Richard a hypothetical question and asked if he would give his friend a blow job if it would save his life. Richard said that was tough but he'd have to say no. Then he said that he'd let his friend suck and kiss his penis if he really had to do that in a life or death situation. Howard told him to get out of there after that.
Artie said that he can't believe that these guys are going to watch a movie together and text message each other. He said that he finds it hard to believe that he hasn't done something gay with that guy.
Robin started her news with some stories about the NYC Marathon. They talked about Lance Armstrong's amazing finish time and the stories about the winners. Howard said that Beth was so inspired by the race that she's going to try and run it next year.
Robin also brought up a story about Ron Kuby who lost his job because WABC is replacing his show with the Imus show. Curtis Sliwa and Kuby are both losing their jobs because of Imus. Howard said he doesn't get that whole thing because those guys had bigger ratings than Imus did and it's beyond his comprehension as to why they'd hire Imus. Artie asked if this is stranger than K-Rock hiring David Lee Roth to replace Howard Stern. Howard said that the David Lee Roth thing was really odd but even he got bigger ratings than Imus did.
Howard took a call from a creepy guy who was telling Howard that he ran into Beth at a Duran Duran concert over the weekend. He said that she's really stunning in person and looks so much better in person than she does in pictures. The guy was saying some creepy stuff about her so Howard and Artie had some fun goofing on him about that before Howard let him go.
Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show saying that Artie wasn't there today, he called in sick. Howard said he got a message from Artie last night and he was watching Dancing with the Stars. He told him that he had to see if that chick was hot that Kevin Connelly was talking about. He said that he was watching the show and said that there's nothing gay about it at all. Howard thinks that Artie might be a convert now. He was also saying that Artie had her name wrong, it wasn't Sabrina like Artie said, it's Julianne.
Howard said that Artie was in a good mood last night and he rarely gets calls from Artie. He said that he doesn't start watching the show until a half hour in because he has his on TiVo.
Howard talked about some of the people on the show and brought up Jenni Garth. He said that she makes some weird faces on that show and doesn't look normal to him. He thinks that she might be a little disturbed or something.
Howard said that Artie called Gary this morning and blamed his diet for his illness. He played his voice mail and Artie tells Gary that he just threw up and he needs something to eat other than this fuckin' diet he's on. Howard said that he's worked with Artie for about 7 years now and he's seen him go through a lot of stuff. He said that he's never seen a more miserable guy since he started this diet. He's really struggling through it. Robin agreed and said that he has a mental toughness but it's not working this time. His body is bringing him down.
Howard played more of his voice mail and Artie is saying that his diet is killing him and his immune system might be fucked up from this diet. Howard said that he's probably just depressed. Robin said that his depression causes him to eat and he's doing nothing about the depression.
Artie said that he has a fever and he won't be in today because of it. Robin asked if Artie has lost any weight at all. Howard said no and then said that Artie eats all of this shit food and none of that broke down his immune system. He laughed and said he loves that guy.
Robin said that she was in the car with Artie and his mother last week and it was the funniest dynamic. She said that Artie is like a 9 year old. His mother didn't say a thing about Artie's blow up with Sal that day. She said that Artie asked her if she'd heard the show and she told him that he was out of line but also propping him up and supporting him. She said that it was Artie saying ''Oh mahhh'' and whining about it. Artie said that he shouldn't have done it but his mother was telling him that they shouldn't have talked to him the way they had.
Howard told Robin she needs to be around Artie more so she can see what else goes on. She said that he really is pissed off at everything and he needs to be a mess in the family. He was forced to grow up before he was supposed to when his father was paralyzed and died. Robin said that Artie's whining was like a song in the way it sounded to her. She said he really does need help though. Howard said he's a good dude and he hopes he's okay.
Howard said he looks over at Artie sometimes and he just looks miserable on this diet he's on. He played more of Artie's voice mail and Artie says he'll see how he's feeling tomorrow and he'll let him know if he's coming in. Robin said that Rev. Bob Levy is right, he's on pills now and he's off the booze and losing weight and feeling good. That's what Artie needs to do. Howard said Artie needs a top guy in the psychology field to help him out. That guy might have to drop every other client to take care of Artie, but that's what he needs.
Howard played one of the song parodies the guys created with Artie's previous sick voice mails. They have him coughing and pretending to be sick in those songs. They also used those calls to make a prank call to a business making the guy there think that he had an employee calling in sick. Howard played a second call they made to that same place using more of Artie's clips.
Howard said there was a funny episode of Seinfeld that he saw where Kramer went to a job and just started showing up there like he worked there. He said that was pretty funny and one of the few episodes of that show that he actually saw.
Howard said that he was getting upset just thinking that Kevin Connelly was getting that chick. He said that he was getting pissed thinking that he wasn't all that hot. Howard said that he's very happy with Beth now and he's glad he's settled down with her at this point. Robin said she predicted that would happen too. Howard told her to stop with that and drop it already.
Howard said that he did have quite a run of chicks after his divorce and he does think about that stuff once in a while. Robin still thinks that Howard is going to have another kid but he says that's not going to happen. He said that's never going to happen but Robin thinks that Beth could be pregnant already. Howard assured her she's not. Howard said that the parade of women he had seems to have moved right over to Kevin Connelly's apartment.
Robin said that she was out at Nobu last night and saw Katie and Tom Cruise out there. She said that Tom is really tiny and Katie is like a head taller than him. Robin said that Adrian Grenier was there too but she was already on her way out and didn't get to see him.
Howard read some more mail about his comments about the marathon. Robin told him that some woman just finished after 28 hours. Howard said that's not running but Robin told him that she has MS and she's on crutches.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show has become the Artie Lange show lately and he's just about sick of it. He said that they get sidetracked on him all the time and he's getting sick of it. Howard said he loves Artie though and they do devote some time to him but he's always hitting home runs with stuff on the show. The guy told Howard not to let Artie hijack the show so much anymore. Howard said he gets what he's saying but they don't have a scripted show so they can't always control what goes on. He said he's very pleased with what Artie does on the show and he thinks that the show might be better than ever lately.
Howard first played the original version of the song that was actually pretty bad. The singing wasn't all that great and Howard had goofed on it. He said the guy was really sincere when he sent him the letter about the song and how he wanted him to sing it at his wedding. Then Shaw Blades came in and did a version of the song.
Howard had the writer of the song, Lonny, on the phone. Howard asked him how long it took him to write it. Lonny said it was a couple of months. He also told Howard he knew that they were going to goof on the song so he wasn't surprised at all. He said that he expected that from the Stern Show.
Howard said that Lonny's voice was deep when he was talking and it didn't sound like the high voice he was singing in. He asked him if he's ever sold any songs or anything. Lonny said he hasn't and he's 38 years old. He said he's not working right now and he's on disability at this point. He said that he had a heart attack 2 years ago and he's diabetic too. He said he had the heart attack and then his kidney's shut down and he's awaiting a kidney transplant.
Howard played the Shaw Blades version of Lonny's song so he could get his reaction to it. Lonny hadn't heard the whole thing that day. Howard said that he might have to get Shaw Blades to perform at his wedding. If he does that he said he'd have to have Lonny come to the wedding too.
Lonny was saying that it was great to hear those guys performing that song because he's a big fan of Styx. He said that he's a big fan of Tommy Shaw. Howard said that Tommy had said that it sounded familiar to ''Sailing Away'' so that shows in Lonny's song writing. Lonny said that he really liked that version of the song too.
Howard said that he had the new version to play from the band Blue Collar. He played that song and it had a more modern rock sound to it and they used the bonus lyrics that Shaw Blades had used in the song in their song. Lonny said that he thinks that one sounds good to him. Robin said she can imagine that one being played on the radio. Fred said it sounded like the Friends theme song to him but he thought it was okay. Robin said there are songs like that on SIRIUS Hits 1 right now.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that she was getting all sad hearing this song because you can put anyone's name in there. She said she was thinking of Artie's name in the song and getting all teary eyed. She said she thinks the song is really good. Robin told Lonny to send in more of his stuff. Jessica said that maybe she and Lonny could work on something together. Howard let her go after a short time.
Howard took another call and the woman said that they need to have two weddings, one normal one and one with the Wack Packers doing their thing. Howard said they've been talking about what they want to do and they keep changing things.
The woman on the phone asked to hear some of the creepy Vinnie (Favale) shit that they haven't played on the show much lately. Howard said they can do that. He let her go after that and got back to Lonny who asked what Beth thinks of the song. Howard said that she actually likes it. Howard said that Beth sings the song and says ''When I see me smiling...''
A woman called in crying telling Howard that he has to do the song at his wedding because it's so beautiful. Howard said that Lonny might have a hit song there. The woman was saying that she could just about cry thinking about it. Lonny said that if anything were to ever happen with the song, he'd owe it all to Howard.
Lonny said that he's working on some other music. Howard wished him luck with his health and all of that. He wondered if they had any prizes they could give the guy. Gary gave Howard a $500 prize courtesy of Cash4Gold.com. Howard wrapped up with Lonny but realized that he still had the crying woman on the phone. He wanted to make her cry and played the Shaw Blades version of the song. The woman broke down sobbing but she was faking it. Howard let them both go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why they started the show off with that Duran Duran song earlier. Howard said that they just performed the song on the show and did a great job. Robin said ''They did?'' when she heard him say that. She said she's not a big fan of theirs and said they did as good a job on that song as they could have. Howard said he liked it though.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they have Staind perform that song. Howard said he can't just ask them to do that. That led to them talking about getting Bon Jovi, Van Halen or the Foo Fighters to perform it. Then Robin asked where the Foo Fighters were at and why they haven't been on the show lately. Gary said they were thinking about doing the show the week they were on Saturday Night Live but they didn't want to perform live and Dave Grohl's voice was killing him from performing so much so it just didn't come together. Howard said that's because Dave is always screaming in those songs of his. He said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Barbara Walters came out and blasted Paul McCartney's wife Heather Mills. He said he was glad to see that happen. He said that she was only married to Paul for a few years but she seems like a grub and a schnurer to him. He said that Barbara hardly ever bad mouths anyone but she did with this woman.
Howard played some audio from The View with Barbara talking about this Heather Mills and the two interviews she did with her. She said she was touched when she did the first interview, then the second one she was very difficult. She said that she didn't want her picking on the people she worked with but Heather gave a producer a hard time about the water not being room temperature. Barbara was going through all of that and Whoopi Goldberg was chiming in and saying ''yeah'' over and over again. Howard said that Whoopi's voice has gotten extremely deep lately.
Howard was talking to himself because Robin wasn't in her booth. He asked the guys to check on her to make sure she's okay. He asked if she left or something. The guys told him that she was back in the kitchen making a drink. Gary asked if he wanted him to tell her what was going on. Robin showed up a few seconds later. Robin said that she didn't have an on-air light or anything to tell her that he was back on. Howard told her it was very distracting that she wasn't in there.
Howard told Robin that she'd just missed out on the whole Barbara Walters thing. She asked for a review of it but he told her it was too late.
Howard mentioned that Fred's daughter's birthday is today and she turns 5. Fred said it's amazing that it's been 5 years now. He said that he had a birthday party for her over the weekend and had a great time with that. Howard asked if he videotaped it. Fred said that he didn't do that, he's not into taping. He said they taped one time and lost the tape of her birth when someone taped over it. Howard said that his kids thanked him for doing that stuff because they get to see their history on tape. He told Fred that he has to keep that stuff safe and wondered how it got taped over. Fred said he's not sure what happened but that's the one tape that got taped over.
Fred said that he usually does videotape stuff but he was trying to do other stuff at this bowling thing. Fred said that he's not sure who taped over that tape of the birth but it's gone.
Lisa said that Sebastian Bach came running into the news room the other day and he said he wants to come on the show to play this new song of his. Howard said he was on the show one time and tied his penis in a knot. Robin said that he said that people still ask him about that. Howard said the guy had the biggest penis he's ever seen
Howard asked Robin what she was drinking this morning that kept her from her booth earlier. She said it was a drink that she came up with to keep herself nourished. She said there's a lot of stuff in this drink. She told Howard what was in it and there was a ton of stuff. Howard was asking her about how she cleans her blender and things like that. Robin said that she uses paper towels and soap to clean it up. Howard said that her ass is getting smaller and smaller so the diet has worked.
Howard asked Robin to stand up and show off her ass. She stood up and showed him her jeans which were getting even looser. She said that her ass was getting pretty big. Howard said it was quite a caboose she had back there. Lisa asked her how many sizes she'd dropped during this diet.
Howard asked Robin if she's still talking to Jim Florentine. She aid that she's still talking to him but there really isn't a relationship there. Howard said that he wants to know why she's keeping this such a big secret. He tried finding out if she's still seeing him or not but she wasn't answering. She said that they do talk occasionally but they have a hard time matching up schedules. They might go out again if things line up when they're both available. Howard said it seems like Jim is blowing her off.
Howard said that Jim is in town this week but Robin said that she's got family coming to town. She said that she's just trying to have a normal life. Howard asked her if she's Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck all of a sudden. She said that she's just trying to enjoy what she's doing without being looked at under a microscope.
Lisa asked if Nick Manning has been calling. Robin said that he has been calling. He got her number after she called him with her dinner plans recently. She said that Nick called her to let her know that he was on his way to work and she joked that she knew that he'd be cheating on her already. She said that his calls don't last all that long, just a couple of minutes. She'd said that her calls with Jim can last for an hour or more sometimes. Howard asked if Nick is asking to take Robin out again. Robin said he's not.
Lisa said that Nick had google eyes for Robin when they were out. She was there and witnessed it first hand. Fred threw in a bunch of Nick Manning audio clips and song parodies and both Lisa and Robin said he's not like that in person. Lisa said that he was very engaging and had everyone's interest at the table. They spent a short time on that while Fred played a bunch of the Nick Manning ''Dropping loads'' clips. Fred also does a great impression of the guy and did some of that for Robin.
Howard wondered what Nick is trying to do with Robin by calling her so much. She said she thinks that he's trying to get to know her, that's why he's calling. Howard asked if she calls him herself. She said that if he calls her, she will call him back. Fred threw in some more Dropping Loads stuff while they were talking about that. Howard said he had no idea any of that was going on and Robin must feel really good about that since she's dieted down and gotten thin. Robin said that's not what her life is about though.
Howard said he figures that she wants Jimmy to see her naked. Robin said she could still use some work on her body. Howard wondered when they're going to see her in belly shirts, short shorts and stuff like that. Robin said it's too cold out for that stuff now.
Howard asked Robin if she's spoken to Mr. X since their breakup. Robin said she has but they don't really talk about who they're seeing or anything. Robin said she has no interest in who he's seeing, if anyone.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that Gary's moustache is going to be featured in an article about famous moustaches. They'll have more on that today on Howard 100 News. Howard let her go right after that.
KC asked Robin if she's seen Jim's balls yet. He told her that if she rides him from on top, it would be like hopping around on a hippity hop. KC said that Jim is always showing people his balls and they're huge. He said his penis is small and the balls overshadow them. Howard asked Robin if she's had sex since she broke up with Mr. X. She didn't want to talk about it so Howard assumed that she had and said it had to have been Jim. Robin wasn't talking though.
Howard played some more KC song parodies, a bunch of them were from Richard Christy before he even started working for them. KC said that Richard made his name making fun of him for being gay and now he's running around playing grab ass with Sal. Howard said that he's convinced that Richard is gay now. He said that he's licked Sal and done all of these gay antics there. He said that he's even going to get his asshole bleached there on the air. Then yesterday Richard was crying over this male friend of his that he lost touch with. Then on the Wrap Up Show he admitted that he had a picture of Brad Pitt on his wall when he was a kid.
Howard played the clip from the Wrap Up Show where Richard talks about the Brad Pitt admiration he had and how he had posters hanging on his wall. KC was laughing his ass off as he heard Richard admitting to that stuff. Howard said that Richard admitted to having a poster of ''Legends of the Fall'' on his wall and that might be one of the worst movies out there. Howard said that Richard is going to do some more gay stuff with this long lost friend of his. Robin said that Howard and Ralph call each other and talk about stuff but they don't make a date to do it.
Gary came in and said that Richard just told him something that convinced him that he's gay. Richard had told him that he and that friend had gone to see ''Legends of the Fall'' four times together. Howard said there's nothing wrong with being gay, but Richard is gay. He said that it's all coming together now because Richard sent in so many songs about KC being gay over the years.
Howard played a bunch of the song parodies that Richard sent in about KC. They were all about him being gay. KC said that some of them were a little too specific in their descriptions. Howard then read some e-mail about Richard and what he did on the show when he talked about that long lost friend. Howard said that Richard really must be gay because his favorite parts in porn movies are when the guy shoots his load. Howard said that's when he turns his head and looks away.
The guys were goofing around with Robin and asking her if she likes to have loads shot on her face. She said she doesn't so KC asked her about the boobs. She told him to stop because he's like a son to her. Howard asked her if she gets disappointed if the load is small. Robin said she does. She also talked about how she doesn't like that feeling of getting cold after a load cools down. Fred was doing his Jim Florentine impression and said that he once shot a load on Robin's face and it looked like a barber was about to shave her.
Howard said that there's a picture of Danny Bonaduce naked and his balls are all screwed up from the steroids. Howard asked KC about doing the juice and if it screwed him up. KC said his balls did get smaller but his penis got bigger. He said he's got issues with his loads dribbling out too. He said that he doesn't have a problem with the balls though because girls are never into big balls or anything.
Howard said that Richard's favorite porn star is Peter North so that's another reason he thinks he's gay. Howard asked Robin to pretend they were in court and gave her some details of Richard's life that makes him seem really gay. Howard asked Richard to come in during that so they could talk to him about being gay. Richard said he has no defense and that's why he stayed out of there for so long. Richard said that there are some porn stars who are known for dribbling their loads and he won't watch them. He said that he likes when the chicks are into the loads, that's why he likes that moment in the movies.
Howard said that Richard must have a man crush on that guy he's been talking about lately. Richard said that he lost touch with the guy and he'd be that way with any friend who he lost touch with for 12 years. Howard pointed out more stuff about Richard that prove he's gay. He's called Will before and told him that he knew he wanted to see his penis. Richard said he really has no defense.
Howard found the voice mail that Richard left for Will one night when he was really drunk. Richard was out on the street taking a leak and telling Will he loves it and he knows he wants to see his penis. He was also telling Will that he's a sexy bastard and stuff like that. Richard said that no girl wants to hear that kind of stuff.
Howard showed the guys Danny Bonaduce's balls and they all examined those. Howard wondered if that's from using the juice or not. They kind of got off of that and KC said that everyone has to check out this fight event that he's part of. He got in a plug for this web site RioHeroes.com. They have to do the fights on the web because there are no rules and they're doing bare knuckle fights. KC said that this stuff is brutal and you see a ton of blood during the fights.
KC said that he's doing commentary during the fights so that's why he's going to Brazil. He joked that there are a lot of hot chicks down there but he's heard that a lot of them have AIDS. Then he said that lucky for him he can't catch it twice. Nice!
KC said that he's doing shows out in California too and you can write to him at bookkc@aol.com. KC threw in another plug for the fight thing as well. You can also check him out in a movie with Jim Florentine at TimelessVideo.com. Howard wrapped up with him and let him go a short time later.
Howard said that Jerry Seinfeld was on Larry King's show and called him out after Larry asked him about his show being canceled. Jerry told Larry that he went out while he was still a hit show, he wasn't canceled. He played that clip and had a couple of others there to play as well. JD told Howard about some of the clips he had from that interview.
JD said that Jerry talked about Michael Richards' temper in one clip. That got Howard and Robin talking about how Michael has disappeared since that N-word incident. Then they were talking about how OJ Simpson is still living a normal life out there even after all of this stuff has gone down with him.
Howard played the clip of Jerry talking to Larry about Michael Richards losing his temper on stage that night. He thinks that it was just a temper thing and he's not really a racist. He said that he'd just spoken to him a couple of days before and he's doing okay. Jerry said that Michael still feels bad about what he did.
Howard said that Jerry did every show but his. That's odd since he was there when Jerry's TV show was struggling. Jerry and Larry also talked about the cook book Jerry's wife has out.
Howard played a news report from Inside Edition where they interview a guy about how Copperfield stole his girlfriend from him. Howard said that Copperfield is going to be trashed all over the place now. He said he might be innocent but he's going to get trashed because of this case.
Howard said that Copperfield is getting up there in age and it might be time for him to settle down and stop hitting on chicks and taking them to his island. He found out that he's 51 years old and said he has a couple of years left before he gets married.
Howard played another track off the CD and said it sounds like the tip toe sounds they used in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons. He liked that song better but it was still bad. He played another track and it sounded like a vinyl album skipping. Howard had to cut that one off. Richard said they should have them play at his wedding so they could chase the people out of the reception.
Howard played another track and it had bells playing at the start. They said it sounded kind of like a Christmas song. The bells just keep going though, and the song doesn't change. Robin said that the songs really are annoying. Richard said the whole album is like that and you wait for them to play some music but it never happens. Robin requested another track so Howard played it and it was almost musical but not quite. It sounded more like they were tuning up their instruments. The band was ZS according to Howard.
Howard played a clip of Crazy Alice calling in and going off on him about something that no one could figure out. She was talking about Cousin Brucie but called him ''Cousin Busy.'' Alice calls Howard ''gay Howard'' all the time and she does that because he calls her ''crazy.'' In another clip Alice is going off on Artie and Howard but no one was sure exactly why. Robin said she was sort of getting it but then she lost it. Alice said that she's never going to do the show again.
Howard played a Jack and Rod Show where Sal and Richard spoke to an author about his book ''Ministering to God: key to prosperous life / church filled with God's power, miracles, signs and wonders.'' The guy claims that he could do an exorcism on the show. They used clips of Crazy Alice as the person on the show who needed the exorcism. He did his thing and they had Alice freaking out on him. Then the guy was asking her to say Jesus' name but she wouldn't say it.
Howard read some e-mail feedback about the big Queef Off they had yesterday. He said that some people liked the Eye of the Tiger queef song they used during the event. Howard said that was a Dan the Song Parody Man creation. He played the song again and had Robin laughing.
Howard mentioned that Artie is out sick today. He was fine last night when he called Howard. Howard played the voice mail he played first thing this morning where Artie says he's going to be out sick after throwing up. Robin said that it doesn't sound right that he got sick so quickly.
Howard said that he has been named the most unsexiest man. He said that this is a new report according to JD. The list was on AOL according to the reporter who gave the report. The guy said that it was no surprise that Howard was on the list. He replayed the clip where the guy mentions him and then says that one of the guys from Grey's Anatomy is on the list. Howard goofed on the guy's delivery and did an impression of him.
Benjy told Howard that AOL only gave a list of 11 guys to vote on so they kind of fixed the whole thing. Howard said he had to go to break after that. He said they have a guy calling in to talk about some DJ that trashed him at a radio event. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that story reminds him of when he first started out in the business and got screwed over before he moved to WNBC. He said that he was getting like $40,000 or so and they didn't want to give him anymore money. He said that they paid The Greaseman the big money instead of giving it to the guy who had the huge ratings. Robin said that they're crying about Howard leaving the business now. Howard said that CBS has dropped 12 percent in profits thanks to him leaving. He thinks that if he went back to terrestrial radio they'd pay him twice what SIRIUS is paying him. He said that will never happen though because he's not going back to regular radio, ever.
Howard said he didn't do that to hurt the radio station, he did it to better himself. He said that they weren't fighting the FCC about the fines and they even threatened to fire him if he did get fined by the FCC. He refused to sign anything though.
Howard said that everyone was panicked about the FCC and they were doing anything they could to save themselves. Howard said it was ridiculous what they were asking him to do back then. He said he had no reason to be loyal to terrestrial radio after all of that stuff. He said that radio is never going to be the same now that he's gone. It's just going to get worse. He brought up this reinvented Imus thing they're doing and he doesn't think that he's going to get any ratings. He never had big ratings and they fired two guys who had bigger ratings than Imus ever did to put him back on the air.
Howard said that he was number 1 in Philadelphia for like 15 years in a row and now he's heard that they were bad mouthing him at some radio award ceremony down there. Howard had a guy on the phone by the name of Brett who was there at the award show. Brett said that he runs a station in South Jersey that's non-commercial. He said he works at a college. He said that John Debella was up for a lifetime achievement award at the show. Howard and Robin talked about how they chased him out of radio after they were on for a few years.
Brett said that this guy Pierre Robert got up on stage and introduced John Debella and talked about this black cloud that came into town and ruined the whole thing. Brett said the guy was talking about Howard like he was a terrorist attack or something. Brett said that it sounded like someone turned the amp off during his speech and the audience just remained silent. John Debella then got up and didn't mention Howard's name at all. Howard said of course he didn't, he was accepting an award for himself.
Howard said that they met John in person after all of that stuff and he seemed like a very nice man. You don't bring up Howard Stern's name during an event when the guy is accepting an award. That was the worst time in Debella's career and you don't bring that up.
Howard said that it must have been entertaining at least. Brett said he didn't think that anyone would do something like that but it was entertaining to him. Howard said he was on fire back then in Philly and it was like war. Robin said that Debella got the A-bomb when they went in there. Howard said that he was always told that he could never syndicate into another market and become number 1. He did it in a bunch of markets. Imus never would have been syndicated if it wasn't for him. He said that Imus will probably die soon, based on the way he looks, and his show won't last long on WABC.
Howard said that Imus is a stupid ass and went on to play some audio of the program manager at WABC talking about the changes that are coming soon. He was being interviewed about how Imus never got the kind of ratings that Curtis and Kuby got. The guy said that he thought the show was great and they did beat Imus in some of the demographics. He thinks that they can bring some of those people over to the station when they bring Imus in. The guy was also saying that he doesn't think that they'll have problems getting advertisers when Imus starts.
Robin said that Howard had to stop that clip because she was bored with it. Howard said he could listen to it all day long and he'd already heard some of it. JD said there was another clip that he might want to play where this guy talks about how Imus may have a person of color on his staff when he starts there. The guys spent a short time on that.
Howard said that some people, like Heather Mills, are such assholes that they complain about the temperature of their water. Melrose said that there are some votes going on today but Howard said he doesn't have time to do that today. Melrose also had a suggestion for the writers's strike that's going on now but Howard cut him off and hung up on him.
Howard said that he can't believe that Leno and Letterman can't do their shows without writers. Robin said that they might be in the writer's guild themselves so that might be why they're not doing their shows. She said that they do win awards as writers when their shows are up for awards.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw that Henry Hill's restaurant, Wise Guys, caught fire this morning. Howard said that has to be kind of suspicious because that kind of stuff happens in Goodfellas. The caller said that the story was all over channel 8 news this morning.
Howard had Fred doing his Imus impression when they talked about some of the stuff he used to say about Robin back when they worked at WNBC together. Howard also played some clips of Sal the Stockbroker going out and interviewing some people about Imus being hired at WABC.
Howard had some new voice mails from Wendy the Retard who has been doing a lot of this Freddy Kruger impression lately. He said he thinks that she's actually scared out of her mind from watching these movies and she's consumed with him.
Howard said that Double A is also ready to end his association with the show because he's not getting enough time on the air. He played his voice mail where Double A says that he's not being treated right. He asked to be booked to do the show so he can talk to Howard and the gang.
Howard asked Gary what's going on with that. Gary said that Double A is complaining that he's the only Wack Packer who has to pay for his radio and they never put him through on the air. Gary said that he probably doesn't know that he's got nothing interesting to say and that's why they don't put him on. He thinks that he's feeling threatened and he's ready to cancel his subscription over it. Howard told Gary to let him call in tomorrow and he'll find out what his problem is. He aid he thinks that Double A should cancel his subscription though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's kind of sick of hearing about Imus and maybe he shouldn't talk so much about him. Howard said that the guy might be right, he might have to stop talking about him and just let him go away. Robin said that he shouldn't limit himself in any way.
The caller asked if there is anything interesting about Imus. Howard said the only thing interesting about him is that people keep hiring him.
Sal said that he says things in anger that he regrets later and that's what he did to Artie last week. Robin said that Sal is a bad fighter because he causes more damage in his fight instead of making things better. Howard asked Sal it if twas tough seeing Artie in the halls there. Sal said it's like having family that doesn't talk to you. He said he loves Artie and they've had good times together.
Sal said he went home and talked to his wife about this whole thing and said that he knows he screwed up. Howard asked Sal if he had any gigs coming up with Artie. Sal said he didn't but Richard did. Richard has been taken off the Cleveland gig though.
Howard asked Sal if he thinks that things will be fixed eventually. Sal said he thinks they will because Artie has a big heart. Sal said that things are so fucked up and he wasn't trying to make great radio and lose a great friend. He said that it may have been great radio but it wasn't worth it to him to lose a great friend. Howard and Robin both think that he'd do the same thing again if he had the chance.
Robin said that she knew a woman who lost her father and figured her mother was never going to date again because he was the love of her life. She was out dating within 6 months. Howard said he knows that he's going to be gross when he's 80 but he doesn't think that he'll be able to bang another 80 year old. He said that Clint Eastwood is banging a younger woman who really isn't all that hot. He said that she is younger but not a really hot chick. Robin said that even Hugh Hefner can't get the girls in the magazine anymore at his age. He's got a nice looking wife but not a Playboy model.
Howard said he doesn't buy that his father is still banging his mother at his age. He said that's what that public service announcement makes it seem like could still be happening. He said he thinks that his mother doesn't even want to do that stuff and she's told him that in the past. She won't admit it on the air though. He said that he remembers finding his father's rubbers and stuff and he bought in bulk. He said that he must have been banging her a lot or he had a girlfriend on the side. He said it's all so creepy just to think about it.
Howard said he saw his parents holding hands when they went out to eat the other night. He was doing an impression of his parents while he talked about that.
Dominic Barbara called in and aids that he had a client who was 78 years old and turning tricks at the old age home. He said that the older people are still having pre-nups made up even when they get old. He said that they give some weird demands in the pre-nups and even include how many sex acts they're supposed to get.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he and Beth had a kid, would the kid work it's way out of the hobgoblin race. Howard said that if they did have a kid, the kid would probably be huge. Both he and Beth are really tall and the kid would probably end up being 6'3'' tall. He said he'd love her just the same but she'd probably be a freak. He said his 3 daughters are very attractive but he'd be afraid of having some kid turn out to have the worst of his genetics. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Benjy was telling him that he thinks that he could probably walk 26 miles in less time than Katie Holmes ran it. He said he thinks that he could keep that walk up for that time but he's not sure anyone would care. Howard told him to screw it, it's not worth it. Robin asked if Beth still wants to run it. Howard said she does and maybe Robin should run it with her. Robin said maybe she should train to do that. Howard said that she may not know that she has to eat a lot to be able to last that long.
Howard said that Rolling Stone came out with the hardest rock and roll trivia thing ever and Jon Hein got 38 out of 50 but he wasn't able to get any. Gary said that there are actually 57 questions and it's called the ''Almost Impossible Rock and Roll Quiz.''
Gary read off some of the questions to Howard and he was able to answer one. He went through a couple more and Howard tried to get the answers. He did know some of the answers, as long as they were about The Beatles. He was able to get a few others since they were multiple choice. Robin thought he was cheating but he said he wasn't and didn't have a cheat sheet or anything like that.
Howard started to fall off as the questions got harder. Howard gave up and had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview.
Howard played the voice mail that Artie left about being sick. He said that he doesn't know any adults who throw up all the time. He hasn't thrown up since he was like 7. Howard went off on Artie about his claims of not having eaten stuff on this diet. Now they have proof that he's not sticking to the diet. Howard said that Artie should have fallen off a few pounds after starting the diet but no one had noticed any weight loss.
Howard played more of the voice mail and goofed on Artie some more about his claims of this diet making him sick. Fred started doing an impression of Artie in that sick voice of his. He said he sounds like a motorboat. Then they threw in some vomiting sounds to go along with it.
Steve said they have a behind the scenes thing with Jim Forbes who will be narrating the History of Howard Stern special that starts on December 17th. Howard said that Artie thing gives them some message there. Howard played a song parody that Sal had created about Artie and his weight and eating.
Steve said they have another auction going on for the chance to sit in the studio. The bids are up to $42,000 already. Steve said that High Pitch Eric may be thrown out of his apartment again because the house is up for sale. High Pitch is still working and has been doing so for 8 weeks now.
Howard said that they have a preview of the Miss Howard Stern Show up on HowardStern.com.
Howard asked Penny for her thoughts on Steve Langford but she didn't want to get into that today. Shuli came in and said that he once recorded a fight between Penny and Steve and played it for Gary. Gary refused to play it on the air because he thought it was too brutal and personal.
penny said that she actually loves Steve and has no problem with him. Penny went on to say that she gets a 5% commission on the sale of the apartment but she has to share that with a broker and stuff like that so she's lucky if she makes $12,000.
Penny asked Robin if she wanted her to help her out with her apartment search. Robin said she'd listen to her. Penny said that Gayle King just bought a place in her apartment. Shuli brought up some more stuff about Penny hating Steve but Penny didn't want to get into that stuff. She said she can't remember why she hates him so much. Shuli said he can. He said that Penny didn't like the way Steve worked and did things so she'd get pissed at him. Steve said he barely works with Howard though so he's not sure why she thinks he's trying to kiss his ass. Penny said that Steve is definitely a hard worker and he did work harder than her.
Robin said that Penny is trying to hustle some work so she must be working hard. Penny said that she would be the best broker for her and she can help her find something. Sal came in and said that Penny really did stink as a news reporter and reminded Howard about the interview that Penny did with Ronnie thinking that she was talking to his wife Bonnie. It was just Ronnie doing a woman's voice. Howard played that and the guys got a few laughs out of that clip. Howard said that maybe Sal was right, reporting wasn't for Penny.
Howard wished Penny luck with her real estate career and let her go. Shuli said he's going to try and make her cry today, just for old times sake. He followed her out as she was leaving.
JD said that he and Beth had e-mailed each other and talked about the beer pong thing and that's when he told her that he'd be her partner if the game broke out. Howard told JD that he's Beth's partner, not him.
Steve wrapped up his news preview and then Jon Hein came in and gave his Wrap Up Show preview. He said that they'll talk about Artie being out sick and everything going on around that. They'll also talk about KC's call to the show and also the ''When I See Beth Smiling'' song that they talked about earlier. Howard played the new version of the song and wrapped up with the Wrap Up.
Howard said that he hasn't seen Jon Hein playing much chess lately. Jon said he's seen that Howard is playing a lot. Howard said that he has been playing and doing okay. He said that not one guy there plays and he finds that kind of odd. He let out a fart around that time and gave an oops! as he did it.
Howard had High Pitch Eric on the phone and he said that he wasn't being evicted, his landlord is selling the house and he has to find another one. He said that he'd like to play Howard in a game of chess but he's only rated at 700. Howard said that he's in the 1600s and he's not going to play against him. He said he'd never play him online because he can cheat. He said that makes no sense at all to him and he can't imagine doing something like that.
Howard made the flash cards himself, well, he had Laura and the guys who work for him make them. He said that he was doing it himself but it was taking a tremendous amount of time so he had to have someone help him out. Howard said that Ralph has no passion for anything and that's why he doesn't do stuff like this. Ralph said that there's a difference between an obsession and a passion and Howard is obsessed. Howard said that he just finds the game fascinating and that's why he's doing this. He said he enjoys the chess and he likes playing.
Howard talked about the flash cards he has and how he can't carry them with him all the time because they're so big. He said that he may bring the in to show them to Robin though. Howard said that there are people out there who enjoy doing stuff like playing golf and sucking at it but when he gets into something, he gets into it hard core. He's in it to win and that's why he gets so intense about it.
Howard said that Robin gives up on all of her hobbies. She gave up on her horses, her race car driving and all of that. Robin said she hasn't given up, she just isn't close to the horses now.
Howard took a call from a guy who aids he was watching the Miss Howard Stern Show on Howard TV last night. He said he was annoyed by her giggling in the transitions. He said if they didn't have that, they'd have a perfect show. Howard said he likes that part and it only lasts about a second.
Robin got into her news after that. She brought up the writer's strike that's going on now and how it's shutting down a few shows like Letterman, Leno, Kimmell, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Howard said that he agrees that these writers are the driving force behind these shows but maybe the networks don't know what kind of worth the shows are going to have if they try and sell them on the internet.
Robin read one story about a girl who was born with 4 arms and 4 legs which led to some joking around about that. Howard said that's not a person, it's a caterpillar.
Howard and Robin talked about breast feeding after she read a report on that. Howard said that he was just talking to his mother about that the other day and told her that she robbed him of something by not breast feeding. He said that she told him that she didn't know back then and didn't know that it was so important back then.
Robin finished up her news and Howard gave a shout out to Artie saying he hopes he feels better, wherever he may be. He ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show saying he was filling Artie