| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard started off the show saying that Artie had a couple of cups of something healthy to drink, maybe. He said that he is on a new diet so maybe there is something healthy in there. He asked Artie how that new diet thing is going. Artie said it was just a cup of black coffee without any cream in it. He doesn't usually put sugar in it anyway. He said he also had some water there.
Artie said he's been on this diet for two days so far and he's miserable. He's hoping that the coffee will fill him up but Robin said ''I don't think so.'' and laughed. Howard said he's also got some Hawaiian Punch and peanut butter in front of him. He told him to throw it away but Artie said that it was a waste. He said that it's made with real fruit so it must not be that bad. He also mentioned that someone had a pillow made up for him that said ''Sweet Dreams Baby Gorilla'' for him.
Howard had a clip of a video that someone made up about Artie. It was a parody of the ''Save Britney Spears'' video. This one was about Artie's eating and vending machine thing. The listener asked Artie to stop eating in the video and cried about that on camera which made Artie laugh.
Howard asked Artie if he's sticking to the diet. He said he is and he even tried to exercise a little bit. He got on a treadmill and tried to do that at a 4.5. He said he got about half a mile and had to stop because he was so out of breath. As he was talking about that his morning bagel was delivered. Artie said that this one had hardly any butter on it. Howard told him that no butter would be better than a little. Artie said he has to have a little bit on there. He's taking baby steps with the diet. He said that he's cut out the caramel macchiatto that he used to get every morning. He said he read that those are almost like drinking up a blended up Big Mac.
Artie said that he was able to walk about 2 miles on the treadmill. He said that's a good start for him and he'll have to work up to more. Artie said he watched the World Series game last night and tried to do anything to take his mind off of eating. He said he had some spinach but it was sautéed in oil. He also had a turkey sandwich and an egg white omelet for breakfast. He had a few other things but nothing big.
Robin said that the whole point is not to go long periods of time without food. Artie said he really wasn't hungry and ate at 11am and 4pm so it wasn't that long between meals. He said that everything in his life has food involved with it so that's why he eats so much.
Howard told Artie that he already looks less bloated today. He still has the vending machine key but he hasn't had to use it yet. He said he walked by the machine and it looked like a shunned lover.
Gary came in and talked about what's going on and said that A-Rod has to know what his agent is up to and wouldn't leave for another team without knowing. Gary said there are only a couple of teams out there that can afford A-Rod so he doesn't have a lot of choices.
Howard said that he gets what Artie is saying but he thinks that A-Rod must be thinking about the money and he must think that he can bring in a few extra bucks. He asked why anyone would care where they play. Gary said that does make a difference to the players. They can take a little bit less going to a team like the Yankees and get even more money from endorsement deals that he might not get on other teams. Robin said that some guys also want to have some wins under their belt and that's why they might go to certain teams.
Artie said that A-Rod has at least 10 more good years in him. Howard said that his agent might be one of the guys who can't think through the big picture but maybe they want to gamble and take their chances with the move.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the other day Howard was goofing on Joe Torre about not taking less money and today he's praising A-Rod for taking less money. Howard said he just doesn't want to see these guys on the front page of the paper when there are people dying over in Iraq. He said that he really doesn't give a rats ass about baseball when there's all of this other stuff going on. Howard said he didn't even know that the World Series was on TV last night. Beth had to tell him that it was on.
Howard said Beth probably knows more about sports but she doesn't really like them. She went to a lot of sporting events as a kid but now she hates it. She was turned off to that stuff when she was growing up. Gary said that if Pittsburgh is in the Super Bowl, she'd be right there watching it. Howard said they've done that, they sat there with a Pittsburgh towel swinging that around while watching a game.
Artie brought up A-Rod again and got the guys back on that subject. He said that A-Rod is just a jerk off to him.
The caller asked Howard what he would do if one of them brought home a guy who had a name like Tyrone. Robin asked him what he'd do if he had a grill and looked like a gangsta. Howard said he really doesn't think he's have a problem. The caller thinks that Howard would freak out if that happened for real. Howard said he really doesn't think he has much say in who his kids date either way so he'd have to go by who the guy actually is. He said that if he felt the guy was dangerous, white or black, he'd keep them out of his house.
Howard said he can't hate a guy just because he's black. The caller said that if the guy got his daughter pregnant, it would change their genetics forever. Howard said that might not be so bad because the Stern genetics aren't all that great.
Howard played a porn clip with a black guy banging a white chick and talking about licking his ass juices and stuff like that. Howard said if he heard his daughter in that situation, that would be tough. The caller was asking Howard about the size of a man's dick and what he'd think about that. Howard told the guy that when he sees his kids, he just thinks about them as little kids and it's all like child rape when he brings up guys banging them. He said that he'd hope that the kids would have a good relationship with the guy and hope that he didn't have a dick that was too big. He said he'd hope that it wasn't something too big, curved or hooked. He also said he'd hope that they'd be with a guy who looks like a young boy down there.
The caller said that he'd heard a rumor about his kids but Howard cut him off and said he doesn't want to go there with him. Howard also said that it would be the worst if there was a sex tape out there with one of his kids in it.
Robin asked Howard what he would do if his daughter brought a guy home with her. He said he thinks that he'd keep them in separate rooms and his ex-wife would probably do the same thing. He said that one of his kids did bring a guy home one time but they stayed in separate rooms. He said that when he and his ex-wife were dating, they'd sleep in different rooms when they stayed with her parents. It's just the right thing to do.
Howard said he really doesn't know how to handle stuff with kids. He thought he did know but he's realized that he really doesn't know what to do.
Howard had a song from a guy who sings about his woman dating a black man and he really has a problem with it. The country song was about his woman dating a black man and of course the N-word was thrown around quite a bit in the song. Howard said that guy doesn't have a good attitude. He said he would have loved to have been in that recording session though. Robin said that he probably wouldn't have gotten out alive if he had been.
Richard Christy came in and said that there are a couple of bars out in Missouri and one in Kansas where they have that song on the juke box. He said that there aren't any black people out in those areas to hear the song though. The guys made fun of the people that must be in those places out there who actually play those songs on the juke box.
Richard said that they talked to the guy who sang that song, David Alan Coe, but Howard thought he'd said that he didn't write it. Richard said that he did write it as far as he knew.
Howard asked Robin about Nick Manning and what he was warning. She said that he was just wearing a shirt and pants. There was no sexual tension or anything like that. Robin said that he didn't leave her side the whole night and he was a perfect gentleman. He was holding her coat, walked her to the bathroom and did stuff like that. She said that it was really funny because the discussions were going from anal sex to the Iliad. She said that one of the guys who joined them for dinner brought up the movie Troy and Nick was talking to him about that. She said that he was a much diffeertn guy than she thought he'd be.
Robin said they all went out to a club and were out until 3 in the morning. Nick was out with them and they were all dancing and having a good time. She said that they had a really good time out and he wasn't putting his hands on her hips or anything like that. She said that he was just an extremely nice person she enjoyed being out with. She didn't have any sexual feelings toward him and didn't get off to him or anything like that.
Robin said that he was very sweet and if all things were equal, she might see him again. Howard didn't understand that and tried to find out what she meant. She said she would never just have a sexual thing with him because he is a porn star. She said she hates to say that but he is a porn star after all. They played some of his movie clips where he's banging a chick and dropping his load on her. Robin said that he's got a whole video catalog of that kind of stuff and that's the problem.
Robin said that Nick held her hand and walked her to her car but that was it. Howard said that he doesn't walk around holding a woman's hand unless something his happening. She said that even Nick said that he didn't think he'd get her on a first date. So he was calling it a date. Fred was doing an impression of him talking about all of this intelligent stuff and then throwing in comments about dropping his load on her and stuff like that. They played more of his audio clips where he's talking to these chicks as he's banging them. Robin said ''Oh my god...'' at one point and said you forget about that stuff when you're out with him.
Howard asked Robin what time she got up the next day after staying out so late. She said she was up by about 10. He asked her if she was wearing a low cut top with her. She said that it wasn't low cut and her boobs weren't out on display. She said that Nick felt bad for her having to go through all of this stuff alone this morning.
Howard asked Robin if she heard from Jim Florentine over the weekend. She laughed and told him not to ask her about that stuff. She said that she's not going to discuss that stuff with him. Howard wondered if she has to tell Jim about going out with a guy like that but she refused to discuss that stuff with him. Robin said there was no issue with him at all.
Artie said the chicks were really hot there and this guy Big John who used to work at Scores runs the place. He said that he went and got some lap dances by himself for about 45 minutes. He said the chick was good and may have rubbed up into his area. He said that the place was awesome. They have flat screen TVs in the lap dance rooms and you can watch any sporting event you want.
Artie said he walked out into the room at one point and saw icing all over the place. Big John was covered in icing and Ronnie had icing all over his face. Artie said that he had a jacket on and Ronnie started running toward him with a piece of cake and ended up hitting him in the back with the giant piece of cake.
Ronnie came in and said that he wasn't the one who did anything there. He was the one who got hit in the face with cake. Then John started throwing cake. Hoard asked him why he would start throwing it if he didn't like getting hit. Ronnie said it wasn't his fault and yelled at Howard for blaming him about it.
Howard said that Ross wanted to punch Ronnie in the face after he smashed him in the face with cake. Ronnie said he didn't know who did it to him when he got hit. He was minding his own business and did nothing wrong. Howard said that he did nothing wrong until he started throwing the cake around himself. Ronnie didn't think he did anything wrong but Howard explained to him that he did.
Ronnie said that he didn't ruin the club like Howard said he had. Howard said that he could have just stopped with the cake throwing if he didn't like it himself. Howard asked him why he threw cake on Artie. Ronnie said he did that because everyone else was doing it.
JD came in and said that he was standing away from everyone and just watching the cake getting thrown. Scott DePace came in and said that the only people throwing cake were Ronnie and Big John. No one else was doing it and not ''everyone'' was throwing it like Ronnie claimed. Scott said that there was cake all over the floor and it was all slippery. JD said it was Ronnie and John throwing stuff but there were a couple of others who may have done a little bit of that.
Jason said that Ronnie was also going up to hug people with cake all over him. They said that may have been the reason that Ross wanted to punch him in the face. Artie said that things were going pretty good for a while. He said he knew that when he saw Ronnie with the cake in his hand that there was no talking him out of throwing it.
Howard heard that there was an evacuation at the club after Tim Sabean took a fire extinguisher off the wall and started spraying it. Gary heard from Tim that he did that because the party was ''getting boring.'' Tim said that he actually did it accidentally when he picked up the fire extinguisher by the pin and it just started spraying.
Gary said that the entire office is out there screaming bullshit. They said that Tim was spraying it in people's faces. Artie said that he got some more funny money after the cake thing and went back in with the stripper for like another hour. After that the guys were all heading downstairs to do something else. Artie said that he saw the white dust all over the floor and saw that Tim was trying to put the fire extinguisher back on the wall. There was all cake and dust all over the place in the club. He said it was like they were in the middle of a snow globe. He asked Tim what he was doing because the stuff was getting all over the food and stuff. He said that everyone in the hall got covered with the stuff when Tim took a shot down the hall. The security people thought it was smoke from a fire though. They had to let it all settle and move downstairs. They had to have an unofficial evacuation of the club because of it. Big John was okay with it but he did think it was kind of fucked up.
Howard said he doesn't understand guys having cake fights when there are naked woman all over the place. Jason said that it did ruin the whole party. Howard said none of that would have happened if he were there. He said that he wouldn't have even known that all of those other guys were there if he was at the club because he would have been watching the girls.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he's still got a sore throat from the toxic fumes from the fire extinguisher. Artie said that it's a great club, Headquarters on 38th St. Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're all a bunch of homos for doing that kind of stuff when there are naked chicks all over the place. Artie said that there may not have been enough chicks to go around and they had to take their lap dances when they had their chance.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie what his fuckin' problem is as he was doing an impression of him. Another guy said that Ronnie is a real fuckin jerk off.
Artie said that one of the chicks there was dressed up as a bunny rabbit for Halloween and she was drinking so much. She didn't seem wasted at all as she was doing it either. He said that she was drinking vodka, Jack Daniels and even some wine. She must have weighed like 100 pounds too. He said she was only 24 years old. Howard wondered if she knew who he was. Artie said she didn't so he just told her that he was Drew Carey.
Howard said he had to go to break after that. He said he's hoping that this ''Bee Movie'' tanks. He said he knows it won't but he hopes it does. He said that he likes Jerry but he's had it too good over the years. That's the reason he wants it to fail. That led to the guys talking about real bees and how they're all dying off and no one is sure exactly why. Howard said it's really depressing because without the bees we're not going to have food.
Artie said he was watching a special on some killer ants and told the guys about that. After that Howard went to break.
Howard got Siobhan on the phone and she said that this was amazing that they were doing this contest. Howard told her that they have to pick the biggest hard luck case here. Siobhan thinks that she is, Nicole thinks that she is. Siobhan said that she doesn't have a husband to help her out and she doesn't have a car. Nicole said they don't have a car either. Nicole said that she has no one in her life because no one takes her seriously. Siobhan said that Nicole won't show them her clam on the show and she won't ride the Sybian but she will.
Howard said that she does have to give Siobhan a point there because she would do anything she had to just to be on the show. He said that they're going to take a vote on who they should have on the show. They have this game to play and some money to give away. He said this person is going to play against Miss Howard Stern to try and win some money. They have $5000 to give to the winner. Howard said he knows that Siobhan needs to pay back her brother, Nicole needs the money to pay her rent and buy groceries. Siobhan needs the money to go right back to her brother and she won't even touch the money.
Howard said he's going to give each of them a minute to explain why they need this money. Nicole said that she's been on the show for many years and she knows that a lot of people come crying and begging at Howard's door. Siobhan said that she doesn't even need the money that bad. She said that Nicole has money and she asks for money when she already had money. Siobhan said that she actually has no money and she's starving so much that you can see every rib on her body.
Howard said that Nicole won't beg so it's Siobhan's turn. She said that Nicole never put out for the show so that's one reason she shouldn't get the money. Nicole went off on her about her fake vagina and stuff like that. Siobhan also talked about how thin she is and how sick she is. Nicole said that she's sick as well though and wouldn't let Siobhan get her point out. Siobhan said that she has some other problems as well but Nicole was talking over her and not letting her get in a word.
Siobhan was accusing Nicole of using steroids and stuff but Nicole said that's just not true. Howard said that she was large in high school and he doesn't think she used them. Howard had to cut them off and just vote for the person they wanted. Nicole apologized for cutting Siobhan off and told her to go ahead with her minute long plea.
Siobhan went off and complained about how she can't get a job because of discrimination. Howard thanked her for that and said that they now had to vote for the person they want to play this game. Nicole said that she has pancreattis and it's incurable. Siobhan said that she has a spinal thing going on and that's a degenerative disease that makes it impossible for her to work. Nicole said that her husband has a heart disease and he can't help her out. She has to take care of him and herself. Siobhan said she takes care of cats that would have been killed if it weren't for her. The two of them were talking over each other and arguing about who should get this chance.
Howard asked Fred who he thinks should get this chance. He went off on the two of them and said that he thinks they're just two lazy dudes who should go out and get a job. He said he'd have to pick the dude that used to be a dude and is now a girl, Siobhan. Howard said that this person has to win tomorrow to get the money so this isn't even a guaranteed $5,000. He asked Artie for his vote. He picked Siobhan as well but only because he feels the worst for Siobhan's brother. Robin picked Nicole Bass and said that she thinks that Siobhan could get a job if she really tried. Both of them said that they can't work and the problems they have prevent them from doing so. Howard said he had to go with Artie and Fred. He said that Siobhan's brother is out a lot of money and he made a mistake giving Siobhan all of the money for her operation. He said that he'd get Nicole into the next contest.
Fred said that he thinks that Nicole could get SSI if she tried. She said that she did try to apply for it but she didn't get it and she doesn't want to screw herself on the air by talking about it. She got in a plug for her web site NicoleBass.com where you can check her out on her webcam.
Howard said that his father taped Alec Baldwin on Inside the Actors Studio and if you get a chance to see it, you have to check it out. He said the guy is super talented and comes off so charming that he thinks that he's on his side in his divorce. He said the guy is so good and original on the show that it's one of the best interviews that he's ever seen. He said he was so moved by it that he wanted to call Alec and let him know. He asked Gary to get him a good number for him so he can do that.
Howard said that he saw this movie ''Gone Baby Gone'' and the movie is really, really good even though Ben Affleck directed it. He said he wasn't sure it was going to be good but it turns out he's a very good director. Ben put his brother in the movie and that worked out. Artie didn't know who his brother was so Howard and Robin told him it was Casey Affleck and he's been in a few other movies. Howard said that the movie was very well done and very well acted.
Robin said she saw ''30 Days of Night'' and it was just okay. Howard loved the movie and couldn't believe she didn't love it too. Howard said the vampires were so brilliant that they moved to Alaska where they have 30 days of night. He said they have a good time eating and killing people up there. Robin said that they had no style and no class.
Howard said a couple months ago he heard that her daughter had died at 31. She was born with multiple birth injuries and was just about dead when she was born. He said he remembers reading about her kid but never talked to her much about it. The doctors didn't give her very long to live so she quit the business and went off to take care of this kid.
Howard said they profiled Phoebe on 60 Minutes and the kid was so disabled that she never said more than 2 words. All she knew was ''hi'' and ''mommy.'' Howard said that Phoebe loved that kid and she knew that the kid loved her. Howard said that the kid died suddenly and it was like the end of the world for Phoebe. He said that he called her up and talked to her about what went on. Howard said she told him that the kid was her whole life. Howard said he talked to her back in about March or so.
Howard said that Phoebe was thinking about going back out and performing again after that happened. She asked him to come to this place called Birdland to see her perform. He said that the club is really cool and there are no more than 5 rows away from the stage. He told Beth she was going to love her before they went. He said that they got there and saw the band walk out and Phoebe walked out and began to sing. She started to talk about her life and brings up her daughter in the show. She talks about how she was dedicating the show to her daughter. She started to sing the song and he was getting chills just talking about it. He said that Phoebe would stick her arms up in the air as she was singing as if she was forgetting that she was in front of an audience. He said that it was one of the most disturbing and uplifting performances he's ever seen.
Howard said Phoebe came out to do another song at the end of the show and all she could do was think of her daughter. She did her version of the song but he wasn't able to remember what song that was. He said he cried when he heard that. He said it was an amazing experience and she's something else. He said that he called up the club and tried to get a seat but they were all booked up. He went down there anyway and Phoebe got him a seat at a small table there. Howard said that the show was great and she's probably going to be doing even more of them in the future.
A caller told Howard to stop kissing the ass of Alec Baldwin and Ben Affleck just trying to get a guest spot. Howard said that neither of them do the show these days and that's not why he's doing that. The caller also told him that his story about Phoebe was too gay.
Howard said some people have been complaining about them using too much profanity on the show lately. Howard said he's going to try and turn that off a bit. He read the note he got from this fan who said they've gotten even more and more loose with the cursing since they moved there and they need to cut back on it. Howard said there is a certain amount of cursing that works and maybe they are over using it. He said that he'll try to hold back a bit on that.
Artie said that he'd be kind of annoyed if they start censoring themselves there. Howard said that they're not going to stop people from cursing but he's going to hold back a little bit himself. Robin told Artie that he can still curse so he thanked her for that.
A caller told Howard he wishes that he could have seen that Phoebe Snow show. Howard had Ralph on the phone and Ralph said that he thought that whole story was really depressing and a horrible evening. Howard said that it wasn't a bad evening, it was an amazing evening for him. Artie said that it sounded like a great night to him. He told a story about going out with Dana to one of these small clubs one time and it was one of the best nights he ever had out. Artie said that Phoebe is the kind of person who has a way to get out her feelings and would probably never kill herself from her depression. He said he really likes that kind of stuff. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Fred start the pageant with some clips of an announcer talking up the pageant. The announcer introduces Howard and Howard takes over as the host of the pageant. Howard ended up talking about chess for a minute and said that he dropped down from about a 1650 score down into the 1500s over the weekend. He didn't want to continue on that when they had hot chicks there so he moved on.
Fred played an intro for Penthouse Pet (June 2007) Kimberly Williams. She came in and Howard told her she's looking fabulous. She was wearing jeans a shirt and he thought that was kind of odd for a pageant. He told her she may want to remove some clothes, this is a pageant after all. He then broke into song and sang a version of the Miss America theme song with lyrics about the smokin' Penthouse Pets. He then asked Kimberly to take off some clothes. She took off her shirt and Howard said they look so real. She aid that they are fake but Howard said they really do look real. He said that they make him feel good, so does she.
Howard read that Marcus Allen had gotten mad at Kimberly after she was on the show last. She said that he had invited her to this event he was part of and she had no idea who he was at the time. She said that he went out of his way to prove he was actually that guy. Then she did Howard's show and he sent her a bunch of texts about her doing the show and asking her what the hell she was doing getting naked on Howard's show. Howard said that's crazy, he saw her in Penthouse and contacted her through Myspace and then goes off on her for getting naked on a radio show. Kimberly said that he was saying that it was degrading for her to go on the show and do stuff like that.
Howard heard that Kimberly was into heavy anal sex so he asked her about that right before asking her to take off her pants. He told her she looked amazing after that. He said that she's a real woman with a womanly body. She said she doesn't even work out. Howard asked her if she looks in the mirror and wonders why she has such a great ass. She said that she actually wonders why anyone would want to have her.
Howard asked Kimberly about her boyfriend and the positions they have anal sex in. She said that she likes to be on her back for that and she likes having it in there. She said that it can hurt sometimes but once it's in there, she's fine.
Howard interrupted and said that some people were saying that there were no names of the girls on the web site. It was Ralph who was saying that. Gary said that the names are there, he's looking at it. Ralph said that the girls names weren't on the page when you click on the picture. Howard told Ralph that he didn't need to be doing this right then and hung up on him.
Howard got back to Kimberly and asked her about this boyfriend she has. She said that he's in the military and he has to serve over in Iraq. That led to the guys saying that they can't goof on him now because he's in the military.
Howard moved on to the personality portion of the contest and asked Kimberly what the most important invention is. She said that car. Howard asked her a few mother questions to find out what she thinks about herself and other things. She was saying that she'd like to sleep with Britney Spears when she was asked what ugly celebrity she'd do if she had to.
Howard then moved on to the talent portion of the pageant and asked Kimberly to do her thing. She was going to tell some jokes. She told her long joke that got some cricket sounds from Fred when she gave the punch line. Artie pretended to find it hilarious and burst out laughing telling her that was fantastic.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Kimberly about when she lost her virginity, at 17, and she said that it was actually horrible. She said that it was the worst 2 seconds of her life. The guy just wanted to get in there and get done.
Howard had Fred play the intro for the next contestant, Jana Jordan, who was the Penthouse Pet in the August 2007 Penthouse magazine. Howard got in a plug for the sponsors of the contest, Clips4Sale.com and ManGroomer.com.
Howard got back to Jana and asked her about some of the stuff that was mentioned in her intro. She likes chicks so they spent some time on that. Jana said that she's actually living with a girl she was dating. She said that they kind of broke up but they're still living together. Jana also said that she had a story about the guy but she didn't want to tell it because she knows the guy is listening.
Jana talked about doing chicks and how they'd use toys and do a lot of licking. She said the sex would last for like 45 minutes to an hour or so. She said that she was good for about one orgasm in that time but the other girl might have 2. She said that they both like anal too so they'd do some stuff back there. Jana said that she really needs a dick though so she likes to have that and a hot chick there at the same time.
Howard asked Jana to remove some clothes because what she was wearing wasn't beauty pageant material. Jana said that she has the smallest boobs of the bunch but Howard didn't care, he said they looked great and they were natural. Will was trying to help her get her clothes off but said he was having some trouble getting them off. Will was ripping her pants off after lifting her off the ground. He was also yelling at her to get naked while he had her over his shoulder. He left her panties on though so the guys told him to go ahead and take them off. They did come off but it wasn't clear if Will pulled them off or if she did.
Howard read that Jana is looking for guys to have sex with and she just graduated high school 3 years ago. She said that her parents aren't that happy about what she's doing and they still ask her to come home sometimes. She said she lost her virginity at 14 to a 15 year old. Howard called the guy an animal for taking her like that. She said that he had sex with her friend and she wanted to get fucked too. She said that it took like a week before he was able to get his dick into her. She said she was really tight at the time because nothing had ever gone up there before, not even a tampon.
Howard asked Jana some personality questions and wondered what one thing about her that she keeps secret. She said that she likes black guys. Artie joked that it was strike three for her parents when they hear that part. She said that she's really attracted to that guy Farrell from N.E.R.D. Howard asked her what she'd bring with her if she was stranded on an island. She said it would probably be her dog, her iPod and cookies or something. Howard also asked her who in history she'd like to have sex with. She said that it would be Betty Paige.
Howard asked Jana what talent she was going to be demonstrating today. She said that she's going to play drums even though they're missing a tom from the set. She was going to do a solo and just play something by the Ya Ya Yas called ''Maps.'' She got on the drums and went right into her drum solo. She didn't do all that bad even though Artie thought it was going to be worse than the joke that Kimberly told. Howard told her that was fantastic. She said that she wanted to kick over the drums but they weren't hers so she didn't go that far. Howard said that he was impressed with that and her boobs were rocking and going up and down as she was playing.
Howard moved on to the next Penthouse Pet, Andie Valentino, Miss May 2007. Howard said that she is one hot chick and she was in there not too long ago. She said that she was dressed kind of conservatively because it was so cold outside. Howard asked her to take some stuff off. He found out that she's only 19 years old. She said that she used to work at a gym and ended up getting into porn. She said that she waited a little while before getting into it.
Andie said that she was working for Danni.com and Penthouse found her through that site. She said she didn't have any teachers who came on to her or anything like that. She said that she actually went to summer school so she could get out of high school early. Howard asked her if her boobs were real and she told him to guess. Howard said they were fake but she claimed they were real. Howard and the guys didn't believe it so Artie asked to do an examination. He went over to her and asked her how old she was right before feeling her up. He said they're unbelievable and said he guesses they're real. Mike Gange said he didn't believe it either so he went over and checked. A few more guys wanted to check but Howard told them that they were real and that was it. JD came in and said that he's in medical school and he should check. Howard let him check and JD did a quick check and said that they were real.
The last time Andie was on the show the guys found out that she's got huge labia. She said that she likes them the way they are and would never change them. She thought that Artie was kind of mean to her after she was on last time. She said that girls ask her about having lips like that and wondered how she handles it. She told them to just go with it and enjoy what they have. She said that she lost her virginity at 16 after Robin asked about that.
Howard moved on to the personality test and asked her what famous person she would have sex with. She said Howard at first and then thought about it a little more. She didn't have an answer. Howard told her to come back to that later. He asked her what secret she keeps about herself. She said that she'd like to be with a girl and she's never said that before. She said that she's done it on film but not in her personal life. She said that she's like to have someone like Jana. She did ask Jana if she would like to go out with her after the show and it sounded like they were going to hook up. Howard then asked Andie what super power she would like and why. She said she'd like to have x-ray vision so she can see everyone's private parts.
Howard asked Andie what she was going to do for her talent. She said she was going to play the violin with her pussy. She was going to stick the bow inside and play it that way. Howard gave the girls some plugs before that happened. All of the girls are trying to win Penthouse Pet of the Year and you can find out more about that in the December issue of the magazine. The girls are all appearing at the Romantic Depot in Paramus, New Jersey today.
Andie got prepared to play violin and asked them not to laugh at her until she was done. She then started to play and actually got out Mary Had a Little Lamb with her vagina. Howard said that was with her vagina. She said that she can play for real but didn't bring the right rest to do that.
Howard said that it was time to vote on the girls for this Penthouse Pet Pageant. He gave some plugs for the two sties that are sponsoring the pageant and then asked Artie who he's picking. Artie said that number 1 is really hot but her joke was one of the worst he'd ever heard. He said that number 2 was hot but she likes black guys. She lost points on that. He said that's just him being insecure, not racism. He said that Andie is one of the hottest chicks that's ever been in there. He said that he's giving his vote to Andie.
Howard asked Fred for his vote next. Fred said that in third place is Jana, she was too lesbian for him. He said that it came down to Kimberly and Andie and they were both 10s in the looks department. He said that the talent portion had to go to Andie and he gave her his vote. He said that it was just one point that separated them in his voting.
Howard said that Kimberly was right in first place until she told that joke. Kimberly said that she tried real hard and maybe she should have tried a little harder. Robin was up next and said she was going to throw a monkey wrench into this. She said that the girls were all great in the personality portion and it came down to talent for her too. She told Kimberly that the joke really hurt her. She said she'd be better off saying she had no talent. Robin picked Jana as the winner because of her drumming talents.
Howard said that even if he votes for anyone else Andie would win. The guys told him that if he voted for Jana it would be a tie. He went on to say that he really liked Kimberly and he'd really want to put his penis inside of her. He gave her vote to Kimberly but that meant that Andie was the winner. She asked everyone to visit her on her myspace page at Myspace.com/AndieValentino.
Howard wrapped up after taking a quick call from Ralph who was saying that the violin was hotter than the drumming. He let the girls get in some plugs for their web sites. Jana and Kimberly had sites so they threw them out there before Howard went to break. Here are the sites:
Ivy said that her tattoos were showing and they were upset about that and the jewelry that was showing. She said that they stuck her in a clown shirt trying to cover her up. She said they tried to find her something but she kept ripping the stuff off. JD came in and said that Tyra has a history of doing this and they have everyone cover up their tattoos on that show. She said that they ended up kicking her off the show when she ripped off the shirt they'd given her. She said that one of the producers said that she was going to get her fired but Ivy told her she didn't care, she's a designer and she can't wear a K-Mart shirt on TV.
Howard wondered what they're so obsessed about on that show that they won't let them show tattoos. Ivy had more to say but Howard cut her off. Ivy said that the producers all thanked her for coming even though she didn't get on the show. She found that all very odd. Howard wrapped up with Ivy and said he's not sure that story was going any further so he let her go.
Howard said he hadn't seen the house in 10 years because he didn't like living there with them to begin with. He said his father bought the place when he was still in high school so they've been there for a very long time. He said that he's going to help them out getting some improvements done on the place.
Howard said that he asked his parents out to lunch and his mother asked where they were going. She wanted to go to a Yogurt place and then said they were going to go to the Freeport Diner. Howard asked her what was up with her and black neighborhoods. He said they trapped him in a black neighborhood as a kid and now they want to drag him back to a black neighborhood for lunch.
Howard said they ended up going to this diner after all of that and his father has something about going out to eat. He had prepared for what he was going to get to eat before they even left the house. Howard said his father wants to know what everyone is getting before they even get there. He said it's really weird and he's not sure what is going on inside his head.
Howard said that there were a lot of white people there at the diner but there were some black families eating in there. Robin said that it was starting to sound like a Bill O'Reilly moment with him talking about going out and seeing black people eating. Howard said that it was actually a very delicious meal that he had.
Howard said that his father was telling him what they have to eat at this diner so they'd be prepared to order quickly. He said they get there and Beth says she's going to run into the bathroom before they order. His father started to freak out. He placed his order as soon as they sat down and then he noticed that Beth wasn't there. He asked ''What happened to her?'' as if he didn't know her name. Howard's mom told his dad that she had gone to the bathroom and she has to repeat herself because Ben can't hear. Ben then asks why she didn't go at the house when they were there.
Howard said that Beth came over and sat down when the waitress came over. His father started pointing out where the omelets were because that's what she said she might have. Howard said that he's not even sure how these places can have so many different things on the menu. He said that everyone ordered and his mother said that she had never had a waffle before in her life. She's 80 years old and never had a waffle.
Howard said his parents wanted to order coffee but they didn't want it until the food came because they want it very hot. Robin laughed and said that he should go out to eat with them every week. Howard said that Freeport actually was kind of nice when he was out there. He said he likes seeing his parents and they're doing pretty good.
Howard said he's going to help his parents spruce up the house and told them that maybe they should get out and move into a condo or something. His father doesn't want anything done to the house because he's just at that age now when he doesn't want change. His mother wants some stuff changed but his father just wants it to stay the same so there's no one in the house bothering them.
Ralph called in and said that Howard is very much like his father when they go out to eat. Howard said he's not that bad but Ralph said he does tell him what to order and stuff like that. Howard and Robin both said that they won't go out to eat with Ralph because he's such a pain in the ass. Howard said that Ralph asks for all kinds of stuff that people don't ask for at a restaurant. Robin said that he'd never be able to decide on something from a big menu like they have at a diner. Howard hung up on Ralph after that.
Artie said that he doesn't do a lot of shows with him these days. That led to Howard asking Joe if he gets pissed that Bob works with Artie all the time and gets on the show. Joe said that Bob has an older style of comedy that kills at a fire hall. He knows that he's going to hear from him and get a new asshole ripped in him now that he's said that.
Artie said that Bob is brilliant on stage and he really can kill at a live show. That kind of thing doesn't work on a Letterman show or something like that because you can't riff off the audience. Howard asked Joe what his friends are saying about Bob. Joe said that some guys think that Bob isn't even a real comedian. Joe said he has a lot of time to talk about that stuff while he's out on the road so that's the kind of stuff they talk about.
Howard asked Joe if he's close to Artie. Joe said that he is good friends with him and called him over the weekend and said he wanted to talk about how they're just ''sometimes'' good friend. Artie said he was shocked when he got that call because he thought he was close to Joe. Joe said that he can do that kind of stuff on stage but not in his personal life. He said that Artie is like Elvis, in size and fame, at this point and it's amazing when he sees people chanting his name at a comedy show. He said that he gets all insecure and can't just call him up and say he'd like to be on one of his shows.
Joe said that it gets hard getting closer to Artie and thinking about how he could die at any moment. It's very hard to get close to him because of that and because Artie puts up a wall around him. Robin asked Artie how long he's been working there. Artie said that he's been there 6 years as of today actually. Robin said that she and Artie have never had a real conversation. He thinks they have though.
Joe said that he and Artie used to live right across the street from one another but he moved up to Westchester and he doesn't hear from him much now. Howard said he's not sure what's being said here. Gary came in and said that he's had this vision of Artie and him being buddies and there is some kind of wall of sorts that Artie puts up around him and it keeps them from getting really close. He said he was going to ask Artie out to dinner but he's afraid to. Artie said that if Gary didn't have a wife and kids they'd probably be closer. Joe said that it's the deepness that's missing from their relationship.
Joe said that he really loves Artie after he talks to the guy and then it just goes away for like 2 months. Artie said that some stuff went bad around the time he was on heroin. He said that he'd make plans with people when he was high and he'd end up blowing off stuff like that so he could get high. He said he never missed a comedy gig but he blew off Dana, his friends, and other stuff. He'd make work a priority.
Artie said that Joe's wife is a really hot shrink and he's not sure how he got her. Joe said that his wife shares an office with a really effeminate guy and he's not worried about that. She doesn't do therapy with people either so he's not worried about that.
Bob Levy called in and asked Joe who these guys are who are so jealous of him. Joe said that they're not famous or anything. Bob said that he wanted to know who they were but he doesn't really care because he's doing so well that he doesn't care. Howard said he gets the feeling that Artie and Joe don't think that Bob is as good as they are. Artie said that there should be more Bob Levy on those talk shows and stuff and maybe it would be more interesting.
Howard asked Bob if he can make good money doing what he does. Bob said that he could make $200,000 a year if it was a good point in his career. Bob said that he's probably made over $100,000 but he didn't want to talk about that stuff. Howard said that there are a lot of working comedians out there. Joe said that there are a ton of guys out there who just suck up on stage. He said that Bob is perfect for Howard's show because he's willing to talk about his fucked up life.
Howard asked Joe if there are times when he'd not working and she makes more money than him. Joe said that's not the case at all. Bob said that he'd be happy if anyone living with him had a job. Joe said that comedians are fucked up and they're not emotionally available. They go out and hang out with the boys for a week and then you go home and there's this weirdness with the wife. Joe said that he has to make his wife a priority after he's out on the road.
Artie asked Joe if he'd be fine doing what he's doing 20 years from now. Joe said that he's been doing what he's doing for a long time, like 20 years, and he's making over $100,000 a year. Bob said that you can make a living doing this stuff for the rest of your life. It does move up more over time though. Joe was saying that he just did Letterman back in July and it gets you nothing more after doing that. Joe said that he's legitimized more on Howard's show than on Leno or Letterman. Years ago that wasn't the case, but that's the way it is now.
Howard said it's a tough life being a comedian and it's not glamorous like some people think. Joe and Artie were saying that a headliner will only make 50-60 grand in a year. Joe said that he's in therapy these days and he goes to see the same therapist that Jim Florentine goes to. That led to Howard asking Joe if he's surprised that Jim is going out with Robin. Joe said that Jim has always been so immature so he is kind of surprised. He said that he's had a lot of fun out on the road with Jim and he is shocked that Robin is going out with him.
Joe said that he thinks the therapist Jim is seeing is helping him go in a different direction with the women he dates. Jim's old girlfriend was like the complete opposite of Robin. The guys talked about how Jim is still doing upper deckers in people's toilets at the age of 41. He'll even show you his nut sack at a rest stop, it's that level of immaturity that Jim still has. Robin was laughing through all of this stuff and said that it's funny that they think that she's dating him. Gary said that Shuli was telling him how Jim will fart in his car, lock the windows and turn up the heat in his car. That's how immature he is.
Howard asked Artie if he thinks that this thing with Joe is kind of gay. Artie said that he was talking to Joe about this and he told him that he's kind of moody from keeping this morning schedule that he has all week long. He's not just doing shows on the weekend like some comedians do. He said that over the past few years he's gotten the feeling that Joe's wife hates him. He said she's a shrink and she's really smart so he thinks that she just hates him. Joe said that it's really the opposite and she's a huge fan of his on the show. She has a SIRIUS radio in her car and she's always telling him how funny Artie is on the show.
Joe said that he didn't want to sound like a fag here but sometimes you're going to get a lot of stories from Artie that you've heard a few times but it's so entertaining that you just deal with it. He said that he knows that he's not going to get calls from Artie every couple of days like he does with other friends of his.
Artie said that he's got a few guys he's friends with but he doesn't call them all that often. He said that they usually call him though, he just realized that. He said that he's close with Jim Florentine, Nick Di Paolo and Bob Levy and they probably call him more than he calls because he never knows what to say to anyone.
Howard gave Joe some plugs for some upcoming gigs and a plug for his Myspace page at Myspace.com/JoeMatarese. Howard had to move along after that and told Joe to stick around during the news.
Howard got in a plug for chuck Zito's show that's airing tonight on Howard 101 at 7. Then Ralph called in, again, and told Joe that he does sound kind of faggy talking about some of that stuff he was saying earlier. Artie thinks that it's because he's married to the shrink that this stuff comes out. Joe said that he feels better after doing that stuff though.
Another caller asked the guys how they come up with their comedy material. Joe and Artie said that they take notes. Artie said he had just written down some new material this morning. He said he has a notebook that he writes in and he lists it under SCA (Stand Up Comedy Act). He told Howard he came up with some lines about how it's funny when you're asked where you were at times in your life when big things happened, and they're always the same place. He had some lines about being in his mother's basement when many big things happened. He said if he didn't write this stuff down, he'd never remember it. He threw out a few other lines that he's used on the show and things like that as well.
Artie said that a lot of his current act was written when he was on heroin. They spent a few minutes talking about that stuff and Howard tried coming up with some material of his own. Howard gave Joe a few more plugs for his upcoming gigs and his Myspace page and then went to break.
Howard had Steve Langford and Jon Hein come in with their show previews. Steve said that they have a report about a man out in California who has the name Dell'Abate BabaBooe and they've found that's his real name and he's never even heard the show before. He's been getting prank calls for many years and they'll talk to him today about that.
Steve also said that Robin is going to be interviewing a pianist at a book store when she's out promoting her book. Robin said that she's a huge fan of hers and he's going to do the interview at the store. Howard said that's a great accomplishment for her. Fred went into his Jim Florentine impression and goofed on how he has to go out to these piano concerts and stuff like that.
Steve also said that Riley Martin is suing Sobe beverages for using his saying ''O-Qua Tangin Wann'' and using it in their bottle caps. They'll have more on that today on Howard 100 News.
Jon Hein said they'll be talking about the Penthouse Pet Pageant, Robin's night with Nick Manning, Ronnie's birthday party, Joe Matarese and many other things today on The Wrap Up Show.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played one of Richard's song parodies about her. Robin started her news with a story about how some scientist is saying that some day many years in the future, the human race will be broken into two different ones, a good looking upper class and an uglier lower class which would look goblin like. That got the guys talking about that for a short time.
The guys also spent some time talking about the Boston Red Sox winning the World Series last night. Artie wasn't thrilled with it but Howard gave them some props for their win. They talked about a bunch of other things in the news that Robin brought up.
At one point Robin was talking about some movies and one of them, ''Dan in Real Life,'' came up. The guys mentioned that Dane Cook was in that one so Howard asked Joe if he's not a Dane Cook fan. Joe said that he doesn't have a problem with him but Artie said something in an interview with Playboy that made it sound like he'd called Dane a douche bag and that just wasn't true. He said that it must have been someone else who said that Artie is funnier than Dane but Dane will be around longer than Artie to enjoy his success.
Robin had some audio clips of Jerry Seinfeld talking about his new Bee Movie so that led to Howard doing his impression of Jerry and goofing on him for a few minutes. Artie even did an impression of Jerry and got in on the goofing.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show saying that he should cancel the show today because he's tired. Then he got some feedback which turned out to be Robin's headphones being too close to the microphone. He went on to say that he was up at 3 in the morning and ended up watching Dancing with the Stars. He said he may have to take an Artie nap on the show today. Artie said he likes that they've named the nap after him. That led to the guys talking about taking ''disco naps'' which was something that Artie hadn't heard of before. Howard said that's what they sued to call those naps back in the 70s before you'd go out to the disco.
Howard said he was up watching Dancing with the Stars and it was very depressing. He knows that the show is so gay that he watches it and wondered what his life was coming to. He said the show is number 2 in America though so it's very popular. He said it's a sad state of affairs but he's hooked right into it. Artie said that the show could probably continue even in a writer's strike. Howard wasn't sure about that, he said that Tom Bergeron's lines might be written for him.
Howard said this season of Dancing With the Stars has been pretty good with the stars they have on there and with Marie Osmond fainting and all. He also said that Jenni Garth is looking kind of nutty with those crazy eyes she has. He was talking about some of the other people on the show and how depressing it is that he's so wrapped up in it. He said he's doing it for his audience so they know what's up with the show. He said that he even gave up chess to watch that show last night.
Howard talked about his chess playing and how he's really into that. He said that nothing comes easy to him though. He said he even had to work hard at doing radio. If you want to be good at something you really have to start out when you're a kid though. Artie said that he wasted so much time playing sports and now he wishes that he had learned to play some instruments instead. That got the guys talking about various sports and how there's really no sport to learn at their ages that's worth learning. They talked about golf and bowling as being the only two they could learn.
Artie said that he and Gary had to come back into the city for an internet talk show. He told Howard about that and how they got paid to do the show. Howard wondered where they air this thing. Artie said that it airs on the internet somewhere. The guy does this show from the Gotham comedy club in the city. He said that it looks weird when you watch it.
Howard heard that Artie was on for like an hour instead of the 20 minutes he said he was going to do. Artie said he didn't know that he was on that long. Howard heard that Gary wanted to get out of there but Artie ended up staying on for an hour instead of 20 minutes. Gary just wanted to get out of there. Artie apologized to Gary for doing that to him. Gary said it was no big deal, he stayed in the city so it wasn't too bad.
Howard said that it was way too hot in the studio and it was making him dopey this morning. Artie got back into his discussion and said that he had some spinach and chicken last night after that show and that was it for food. Howard told him that he's on his way to losing weight. Howard told him that if he keeps this up for 2 years, he may get down to 280.
Artie said that he was right up at 298 when he started this diet. He said he realized how big he was when he was sitting on this chair at that internet talk show. He said he wasn't able to turn around in the chair because he's so big. Howard told Artie that it might take a little while before he starts to see some real results from this diet. Howard said that he wasn't even eating now. Artie said he did have a bagel with a little butter on it, but that was it. Howard said that he's cut out the massive amounts of food like he was eating every morning.
Artie said that tomorrow is cupcake Wednesday and he has told himself that he has to avoid them. Gary said that it's really hard to walk by those things every morning. Howard said he knows it's hard to do that because he has to avoid it too. He told Gary that he's making it seem like he doesn't have to avoid the urge to eat one but he really does. He said it's always a struggle and he has to avoid eating that crap so he can fit into the clothes he likes to eat. He likes to go on vacation and look good when he's in a bathing suit so he won't eat stuff like that.
Howard said that Gary covers himself up when he's out at the pool when he comes over to his place. He told him that if he's doing that, it might be time to stop eating that crap. Gary said he thinks about stopping but then he thinks about how he doesn't really need to do that at this point. He can start his diet at some other time. Gary said that he has a bunch of clothes that he can't wear in his closet because they don't fit anymore.
Gary said that he's been really bummed out about his weight lately. He went on the internet and found a weight loss center up near him. He called them and they told him to come in and check it out. He went in and the woman he was meeting with was around 30 years old and kind of cute but she needed to lose about 40 pounds. She had a roll of fat on her and she was telling him how to lose weight. Howard said that's insane to have a chubby person working at a weight loss place. He said that all of these places that write weight loss books always end up getting fat. Even a guy like Arnold Schwarzenegger eventually get fat.
Howard said that even Richard Simmons is fat and out of shape. He said that no one wants that physique. He said he must have a belly and titties. He's seen him in that tank top of his and he's really not in shape. Gary said he wanted to ask that woman about her weight loss and tell her it was ridiculous to ask for $200 a session when she's fat. He said it was almost as if he went to see his doctor and the doctor was smoking.
Robin told Gary all he has to do is stop eating, he doesn't need to spend $200 for someone to tell him that. Gary said that he doesn't get any shit from anyone in his family, he only hears it from the guys at work. He was also talking about how he saw himself on that TV show last night and realized how fat he is. He's up at 225 pounds and he's only 5'8'' tall.
Gary said he's too exhausted to go home and work out. He was going to do some working out with the kids he's coaching but he's too exhausted to do that. Howard asked Artie a question but he was in the middle of his bagel eating. He finished his chewing and said he plans on doing some exercise eventually.
Howard said that chick Jillian Grace who got into Playboy wants to train Artie. Artie said that he'd do that. He thought it would be fun to do that. He thought she lived out in California but Howard told him that she's back in New York.
Gary said they have about 15 pages of stuff where they go back and forth on the arguments. Howard said that the NAB is trying to get the FCC to expand the ownership rules for regular radio at the same time they're claiming that the satellite merger will be a monopoly.
Gary said that they have all of these wacky arguments in this paper that are kind of goofy. They're trying to show how all of this is going to be bad but it really isn't doing that. Howard kept saying that there's a lot of competition out there and these arguments are ridiculous. Gary told Howard that if he reads this, he'll laugh his ass off.
Robin said that she doesn't think that the merger is going to go through. She said that there is a lot of opposition to this merger and there are too many stories out there about people who had innovations that just didn't make it because there are huge companies out there that crushed the plans.
Howard said he was reading about this iPhone thing and how AT&T is paying $18.50 a month for every phone they sell. He said that's one lucrative business right there. He read the article to the guys and said that they're making billions of dollars on a phone service. Howard said that if the merger doesn't go through he's going to have a conniption on the air.
Howard had some audio clips from this new reality show and she's always running around naked and puking. He said that it's all new programming and it's airing on Howard TV tonight. He said that she gets naked within the first 5 minutes of the show. He said that Andrea and her friend are doing the photo shoot with her making sexy faces and stuff and it's really funny.
Howard played one clip where Andrea is puking and making some odd noises. He got a laugh out of that. He said that she's drinking constantly on the show. She goes to a barbecue at one point and she had no idea what it was. Her friend had to tell her what it was all about. Howard said it's unbelievable. He told the guys about some other stuff that was going on with the show and how she was making out with some dude she just met and then falls down in a shower at this party she's at.
Howard played another puking clip where Andrea is throwing up and making some weird noises. Andrea asks for a napkin as she's puking and it's coming out through her nose. She said it was French fries that she was eating and they were coming out of her nose. Then you hear her blowing it out of her nose and complaining that she's got French fries coming out of her nose.
Howard said he wishes that they could have gotten this premiere together so Robin could have seen this show. He said that all of Andrea's friends sound alike and then they call each other and can't hear each other on the phone. He said he's never seen anything like this before. He said that Andrea and this other chick call each other at one point and neither of them can understand what the other is saying. The two of them are telling each other what to do and saying ''Whaaat?'' after everything they say.
Howard said Andrea is always looking for guys with big penises. He played a clip where she says that guys with big cocks are cool. Howard asked Doug when this thing is going to be up on Howard TV. He figured it was tonight. Doug said it'll be up at Midnight tonight. Howard told him that they did a great job and it's brilliant television.
Doug said that there are 4 episodes and they're also working on a Behind the Scenes episode. Doug said that the French fry scene might be the best one. He said that there's like 6 inches of snot hanging out of her nose and a few inches of spit coming out of her mouth. He didn't think that she was even drunk at the time. He said she just seems to get sick for no reason. At one point she was saying that she might have Cirrhosis of the liver and the guys said that she might really have it.
Doug said that Tish, Andrea's hair stylist, is there today and looking cute. She wrote the theme song for the show. Howard told him to have her come in so the guys brought her in a few seconds later. Howard said that Tish doesn't seem that whacked out like the rest of the people on that show. Tish said that Andrea is really trying to work on her sobriety and she's been working with her at the hair salon.
Howard said that Andrea was talking to Tish at the time when she didn't know what a barbecue was. Tish said that she may have just forgotten what a barbecue was. She said that she's also so used to asking people questions and may have just said it out of habit. Tish said that she thought it was fun to tell her what a barbecue was, it was almost like teaching an alien what this stuff was.
Howard asked for Andrea to come in so he could ask her about the barbecue thing. She came in a short time later so Howard talked about some of the funny moments from the show like this one where she falls into the shower. He also asked her how she couldn't know what a barbecue was. She said she does know what it is now. Howard said they even had to put subtitles on the show because it's hard to understand what she's saying.
Robin asked Andrea to explain how she knows what a tramp is. She heard her say that she wasn't a tramp at one point and wanted to know how she knows she's not. Andrea didn't even know that she uses that word.
Howard played the clip where Andrea is asking about the barbecue thing and Tish is explaining it to her. That led to the guys talking about how Andrea has had a bunch of abortions. Howard asked her how many she's up to but Andrea seemed to be avoiding the answer. She said that she's now on birth control and trying not to have any more.
Howard said that Andrea is really mean to her friend in the show. Andrea said that they have no idea of what their past is like. She said that the other girl is bi-polar and she's given her a second chance. She said that her friend is with her dad and kind of dating him. Andrea asked Tish what she thinks of that chick. Tish said that she showed up at the right time to get into that show.
Robin asked if KC is still her manager. Andrea said that she talked to him the other day and he said he still wants to be around. He's not part of this reality show though. Howard said this dude that Andrea is banging in the show looks kind of like KC, but with longer hair.
Robin asked Andrea if she's still drinking. Andrea said she is but not as much. Howard said that Andrea's vomiting could be Cirrhosis of the liver like she was talking about. Tish said that the puking isn't all the time though. She said it was just in that one part of the show.
Howard asked Andrea if she's getting paid by McDonalds to eat their food because she eats so much of that stuff. He ended up replaying the clip where Andrea is puking the French fries out of her nose after that. Tish said that was really intense hearing that. Andrea said that she ended up puking again that day and this guy Corey was holding her hair back for her.
Ralph called in and said that Tish is kind of just as dumb as Andrea because she's telling her that barbecue is a type of food. He said that you should tell the person that they have hamburgers and hotdogs. Tish said that they actually have something called barbecue down there in the south so she wasn't wrong. Artie backed her up with that and said that they do call pulled pork ''barbecue'' down there.
Andrea said that she won't be able to watch the show because she doesn't have Howard TV in her hotel room. She doesn't have SIRIUS either. She said that she wants it on tape so she can see it. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he was going to play it for her and record it as she's watching it. Howard told Doug that if he had planned it right, they could have all been there to see her watching the show at the big premiere. Howard said that they could have had a great time doing that. Doug told Howard to blame him and took all of the blame for the premiere party getting canceled.
Howard let Andrea go and told Doug to show her the first episode of her show. They played her TV show theme song as she was leaving and it turns out Tish is the one who performed the song. Howard said she's good. Artie said he has her album and she really is good. Her name is Letisha Wolf. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that they sent High Pitch Mike out to this Angel Ball last night. He got an interview with Randy Jackson. Howard said that the funny thing is hearing Mike's voice. He said that they're all used to it there but it must come as a surprise to the people hearing it there at this event. Mike also got an interview with Don King and asked him about Ellen Degeneres' dog being taken from her. Don said he loves Ellen and didn't seem to know what was going on with that story. Don was defending everyone that Mike was asking him about.
Howard said he's been getting a lot of mail about Mike and Artie's fighting on the show and he's not getting any positive words about Mike at all. He read through some of the e-mail and people were saying that Artie should have beaten Mike's ass after he went off on him on the show.
Howard said that Artie was on the Wrap Up Show calling Mike gay and stuff. Artie said that Mike's report about him was really brutal. Howard said that Mike even wrote a song parody about Artie. He played that and he got Artie all riled up again with that. Mike was calling him fat and going off on him about some other stuff. Artie said that he's going to release Artienation on his apartment if he keeps that stuff up.
Howard played some audio of Artie going off on High Pitch Mike on the Wrap Up Show where he points out all of his features and talks about how he could be gay. He went on and on about the gay thing and Howard said that he doesn't know that Mike is actually gay.
Howard said that Ronnie was on the wrap up show yesterday talking about his party and how someone else had ''instituted'' the cake fight. Howard asked where Ronnie went to school and goofed on him about that. He told him that the word is instigated, not instituted.
Howard said he was yelling at Scott the Engineer and Ronnie the other day about the lame prank they pulled on him. Sal and Richard took those clips and called some guy. The guy had no idea what he was being yelled at about. They had Howard telling the guy that he doesn't want to be pranked because he's the one who does the pranking. Artie said it's funny when people lose it and go off like that guy did.
Fred played some porn clips and had some growling sounds as if it was Artie banging Lisa. Artie said that he's seen real lions fucking and it's wild how the male just takes the female from behind and fucks the girl. Lisa had offered to train Artie and help him lose some weight so they talked about that too. Lisa said that Artie needs to diet and exercise to get that weight off.
Lisa said that she helped Artie style his hair yesterday when he was having his picture taken for an article that's coming out about him in the NY Post. She said they'll be in a feature article about him in November. Artie didn't think she really helped him out with her hair.
Lisa said that there are some girls who are out on the road with the Killers of Comedy and they call themselves the Cunt Pack. They hear stories from some of the guys on the road and they've given Jim Florentine some advice on what to do with Robin. Robin laughed when she heard that. The girls have apparently told Jim to just give Robin a call after he asked how long he should wait.
Howard asked who these chicks are. Lisa said they have Bob Levy's girlfriend and Yucko's fiancé in this Cunt Pack. Gary came in after that and said that there's a conspiracy theory about Robin. He asked her if she's become a Scientologist or something. Robin just laughed. Gary said that the fans are thinking that she's been going out to California so much because of the Scientology thing. Robin said she'd like to keep that going but it's not true.
Lisa said that High Pitch Eric may have saved a life after he found out that a friend might be dying in his house. It turns out that Eric was taking credit for that when it was actually Gay Tony who told him to call 911 when he was having this problem. Eric pretended that his phone was dying when the news department asked him about the incident.
Howard got in a few plugs for upcoming shows they have on Howard 100 and 101. He also mentioned that they have some guests coming up this week and in the coming weeks. Cousin Brucie, Duran Duran, Slash and Debbie Harry were the names he threw out there. He had to go to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him he sucks. Howard gave him a fuck you and hung up on him. He took another call from a guy who told Howard he's doing a good job, unlike the previous caller. The guy asked if he had any games to play. Howard said they do have a game to get to but he can't let the caller play. They're doing this game with Miss Howard Stern to help promote the new reality show.
Bobo called in and asked where the Artie eating marathon was on Howard TV. Howard asked the guys where that show was and got in some plugs for Howard TV. Mike Gange said that the show should be ''Artie Sleeps'' and it should be up. Bobo said that it's not so Mike said that he'd check into it.
Howard said that Bobo has been calling in and giving them show ideas but they all revolve around him. He played a voice mail where Bobo suggests that they have Gilbert take driving lessons with him. He also said that he looks like Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters and they should have a look alike contest between them. Robin said that Bobo looks nothing like Dave Grohl. Howard hung up on Bobo accidentally and said that he anted to ask him where he gets off saying he looks like Dave Grohl.
Andrea said that she watched her first episode out in the green room but didn't get to see it all. She said that she was naked in that scene where she fell into the shower because she was trying to see that guy's penis.
Howard said that they're going to play this ''Are You Smarter Than Miss Howard Stern'' game for a grand prize of $5,000. They're going to have two contestants trying to win the money. They have Rick Rodriguez and Siobhan in to play the game. He kept calling them both dudes even though Siobhan is a transsexual. Andrea said that Rick was hot.
Howard said that both of these guys have hard luck stories so he asked Rick what his was. Rick said he sent a letter to the show and he's trying to save money to buy a ring for his girlfriend. Last year he started a vitamin store with some friends of his. Howard said ''Uh oh!'' in the middle of that and asked why he'd try to start a story like that when there are GNC stores all over the place. Rick said that it was working out stuff and protein stuff. He said that he put up about $13,000 at first and it kept going up and up so he ended up putting in about $20,000. He said the lawyer failed to tell them that they had to do something and that's why they kept having to put money in. He said he wasn't able to write it off on his taxes and he lost all of the money.
Rick said that his girlfriend wanted to get married next year and now she's giving him six months to get his act together and get her a ring. She was there so Howard had her come in. Sabina said that she's not giving him a year, he's exaggerating. She said that she loves him and she's not going to leave him over this. She is hoping that he can get her a ring after winning this money though.
Rick said that he's now a financial advisor and he's got a job. He's trying to save as much money as he can but he's still in the hole big time. Everyone got a laugh out of that when they heard he's a financial advisor after blowing that money on a business like that. Rick said that he's on the verge of losing his job because he's not performing very well at the job. He said that he may go back to being a stockbroker if he does leave that job. Howard wished Sabina luck with this guy.
Howard asked Sabina if she's ever gotten it on with other girls for Rick. She said she hasn't but she is open minded. Gary said that was basically her saying that she wants him to think that it could happen some day, but it will never happen.
Howard moved on to Siobhan and said that her brother loaned her a ton of money for her sex change and now he might lose his house because Siobhan can't pay him back. Howard said he got some e-mail about her not having a job and a blind guy wrote in and said that he's able to work a job every day and he thinks that Siobhan should be able to go out and get a job too. Siobhan said that she's got chronic pain and she can't work though.
Gary said that they got a call from a fan who wanted to give her a job and wondered what happened there. Siobhan said nothing happened and she thinks that it may have been something made up and not a real offer.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave Rick some advice on writing off his business that failed. He thinks that he could write it off. Rick said he'd look into it again because that would really help.
Andrea asked if the sex change thing with Siobhan was to be a man or a woman. She wasn't joking either. She said it was hard to tell. She guessed that it was to be a woman. She asked if the boobs were real. Siobhan said that they're implants and she's not going to get them bigger. Artie said that Siobhan's brother is in really bad shape because he loaned Siobhan money to become a man with tits and a fake vag. Andrea wanted to see the fake vag so Siobhan showed it to her quickly. Andrea said that she wanted to see it with her legs spread but Siobhan asked to see hers. The Howard TV guys showed her some video of it instead.
Howard got to the game and said that the guys have to write down yes or no for this contest. They asked Andrea some questions and they have to guess if she knew the answer or not. Gary said he'll be keeping score. Howard said that they asked Andrea ''What is President Bush's wife's name?'' He asked Siobhan and Rick to write down their answers. He also asked Rick and Siobhan if they knew the names. Siobhan did but Rick didn't. Both of them said that Andrea wouldn't know. Andrea did know though.
The next question was ''Who was Bill Clinton's Vice President?'' Howard asked Siobhan and Rick if they knew the answer. Siobhan said that she knew but couldn't answer. Rick said that he didn't know either. Siobhan and Rick both said ''no'' about Andrea knowing the answer. Andrea said ''Jamie?'' for her answer. The correct answer was Al Gore of course.
Artie told Rick to reconsider a career in anything after not knowing those answers. The next question was 'What is Lance Armstrong known for?'' Siobhan knew the answer and said that he wrote ''no'' on her card. Rick said Andrea would know. Andrea's answer was ''Going to the moon.'' Siobhan got a point for that one.
Howard played the next question which was ''What former White House intern did Bill Clinton have an affair with?'' Rick knew that answer. He and Siobhan both said Andrea wouldn't know the answer. Andrea's answer was ''Monica Lewinsky.'' She got that right.
Howard gave the next question which was ''What is 9 times 9?'' Rick said she would know, Siobhan said no. Andrea's answer was ''hell if I know... 90?'' Howard said that she kind of does what he does. He knows the general area that they'd be in. Howard said he would have figured that Andrea would know math. Andrea said she never did learn her times tables.
Howard talked to Andrea about how her father was a millionaire at one point but lost his money. She told Howard how he and his brother weren't able to work together in this oil company they had so he had to sell out his side. She said that he's now won of the best ''house seller guys'' in the world.
The next question was ''What were the last two states to join the United States?'' Rick said that Andrea would not know. So did Siobhan. Andrea's answer was ''Uhhhhhhhhh Canada and Hawaii.'' Howard played the next one which was ''What is the name of the black democratic candidate running for president?'' Siobhan said she thought it was Obama Barack. Howard corrected her and said that was close enough. Rick and Siobhan both said Andrea wouldn't know the answer. Andrea's answer was ''I saw him on Tyra Banks and it's something like... god damn it... Obama.''
The next question was ''Cannibus is also known as?'' Rick didn't even know the answer. He said he was drawing a blank on that. He guessed that Andrea would know the answer, so did Siobhan. Andrea said ''A meat eater.'' Andrea said she can't believe that she missed that one.
The next one was ''What planet is closest to the sun?'' This time the guys had to hold up their answers at the same time. Andrea's answer was ''Earth.'' The next one was ''Who was the mayor of New York City during 9/11?'' Both of them said yes, Andrea answered with ''Rudy Giuliani.'' The score was 6-4 at this point with Siobhan in the lead.
Howard asked ''What country is the US currently at war with?'' Andrea's answer was ''Iraq'' and Siobhan got that one right so she was ahead 7-4. Howard said there were just a few left. He asked ''A doctor who diagnoses the anus and rectum is known as what?'' Andrea's answer was ''Uhhh, it starts with a G... gynological'' Siobhan got that one right so she was ahead even more. They only had 2 questions left so it was impossible for Rick to win. Siobhan was crowned the winner. She just won $5,000, courtesy of Howard TV, that will be going directly to her brother.
Howard said that you can subscribe to Howard TV by calling 888-4-HEYNOW so you can see Miss Howard Stern's reality show. Howard wondered how long this will keep Siobhan from calling he show. She said it'll be a year but Gary said it won't be longer than March before she's begging for more money.
Gary said that the Howard TV guys saw that Siobhan had a boil in her nose or something. She said it was just a hair growing out of her nose. Howard said that Rick had won $500 courtesy of Man Groomer.
Howard congratulated Andrea on her reality show and said that they'll see how the audience likes it. He said that it will be wild and she puts it all out there on the line for the show. Howard played the last question which were ''How many sides does a hexagon have?'' She said ''Six'' and got it right. She said she's not sure how she knew that but she did.
Howard took a call after that and the guy said that Rick might be an idiot. He also suggested they ask him some questions and see if they can get his girlfriend topless. Rick said that they'd have to ask her about that. Sabina came back in and said that she's not that wild and she doesn't want to get topless. She said that she doesn't want to do that on national TV.
Howard ended up talking to Sabina about when she lost her virginity and stuff. She said that she waited until she was 18 but she did give BJs before that. She didn't even want to get into bra and panties for them even though she'll wear a thong to the beach. Gary tried his best to get her into something sexy like that but she wasn't into it.
Howard played the clip of Andrea puking up French fries through her nose that he played a couple of times earlier in the morning. Howard said that even Artie has never had French fries come up through his nose even with as much as he eats. He wrapped up after that and went to break.
Howard finished up the commercials and came back a short time later after Fred played a prank call that Richard and Sal made to a call in show and a little bit of the song ''Hey Ya.'' Howard said that they really need to get some of these guys who have sex with animals on the show. He said JD found a guy on some show talking about having sex with animals. JD said the show was on the BBC or something but the guy lives in Montana or someplace like that.
Howard played the clip where the host of the show talks about these ''zoophiles'' who like to have sex with animals. Then they have the guy talking about how sex is an option with the animals and he enjoys it very much. He said it's not a necessity and it's not just about sex. Another guy says that he has sex with his dogs and a donkey. He said he'd be just as upset losing them as he would be losing his girlfriend.
Howard played some more clips where they talk about people not understanding what they do. It's not against the law in Missouri so that's where some of these people live. Howard and the guys talked about that stuff and how they would just stop being friends with people like that if they found out some wacky shit like that. Howard said he would just walk away and stop being the guy's friend.
There were more clips of these guys talking about how they did their thing for the first time. They had some really creepy music playing in the background of this special. Artie said he has to see this show, he hoped that JD had it on DVD or something. Howard said he does so he should be able to see it. One of the guys was talking about how his horse saved his life. He said that he and his horse had just finished ''making love'' and he looked at her and realized he was in love with her. He told the horse that he loved her as tears were running down his face. Howard and Robin laughed at the guy and goofed on him a little bit. The guy said it was like casting off chains that he had on him that he didn't even know he had. Then the guy says that the horse died.
Howard said that this special was called ''Animal Passions.'' He asked Robin and Artie if they wanted to stop it or keep going. Robin said they could listen to this all day long. Howard continued to play more and we hear this guy talking about his love of this horse ''Pixel'' that he'd love to have children with it. Howard said it would be tough to raise a kid with a hose. The horse wouldn't have much input into the relationship.
Howard asked JD where to get a copy of this show. JD said that he found it on YouTube so Artie may have to get on the computer and learn how to use it to actually watch it. Howard read that if you search for that show on IMDB.com they give recommendations, saying ''If you enjoyed this title, our database also recommends..., and one of them is ''Bridget Jones's Diary.'' He found that kind of odd.
JD told Howard there are some clips with women talking about having sex. Howard played one of those clips where this woman is talking about having sex with her dog. She talks about how she napped with the dog and how the dog had it's paws on her shoulders and licked her face. Howard said he thinks that Artie could get this chick. JD came in and told Howard that she claimed to have been married at one point. Her husband found out about her having sex with the dog and had the dog castrated. She goes on to say that her marriage came to an end over the dog because her husband threatened to have the dog euathanized.
Howard said that must be a killer of a way to lose your wife. It's one thing to lose your wife to a woman, but a dog is something else. Howard played another clip where one of the guys is asked about getting consent from an animal. The guy says that the animals could get away from him if they didn't want to do it. He said his horse could kick him if she wanted out.
Richard came in and said that he had friends that were into that kind of stuff. He said he never wanted to do that stuff himself. One of his friends pleasured their dog with a spoon one time and his dad yelled at them about that. He said he heard a lot of stories about that kind of stuff and knew of a kid who fucked a Pomeranian dog one time. Another guy fucked a sheep at the county fair and passed out in the sheep's pen the next day.
Artie said that from where he's from, you might hear that someone might be in the mafia, out where Richard lived, you hear about guys who fucked animals. Howard played a prank call that Benjy made to a woman where he was pretending to be a horse and had this woman giving him phone sex.
Howard asked Benjy about that call. Benjy said that some other guy had found her on the phones and he hasn't been able to find her lately. He said that she thought that he was her grandson at one point because his name was Benjamin. He said that if anyone knows where she is, call the show and let them know.
Richard said that every Halloween he watches the movie ''Halloween'' while eating a pizza. He said he loves doing that. Howard said that when Beth called him to go to Artie's birthday Richard told her that she must know how much he loves Halloween but she had no clue. Then Richard was talking about rearranging his weekend around the party. All Beth wanted was a yes or no answer, not a whole explanation. Howard told him that he should just edit his story a little bit.
Gary said that he does pay attention to Richard and gave him a rundown of some of the stuff he told him about. Howard said that Richard even blogs about this stuff on his Myspace page and he just goes on and on in that as well.
Howard said that they have a whole Halloween thing playing on SIRIUS. Richard said he listened to that stuff on his way up to get some Halloween make-up done recently and it set the mood perfectly. He said that he had his make-up done and it was really cool.
Richard said that Gary will turn up his radio really loud when he doesn't want to hear his stories in his office. Gary said that he has to listen to a lot of things going on with the show and in the office. Howard told him to just kick his ass out of there if he doesn't want to hear his stories.
Howard said he heard that Richard is upset that Duran Duran is coming in tomorrow because it's Halloween. Richard said he thinks that it's a special day and they should have someone like Alice Cooper in instead. Artie told Richard that they're adults there and they don't think about Halloween like that.
Howard also heard that Richard doesn't go on the Wrap Up Show anymore because he thinks that Gary kisses Artie's ass too much. Richard said that's not the case. He said that he doesn't go on unless they're talking about him. He said that Gary does seem to be annoyed with them lately though. He said that if they have something to tell Gary about, he always seems annoyed by them. Gary came in and said that he really doesn't dislike them, he just has to tell them the way it is when they talk to him. Howard ended up cutting Richard and Gary off in the middle of their conversation and said he was done with that, it was boring.
Howard said he somehow came out of his shell and matured in radio. He said that he was awful when he first started out but he eventually grew into what he is now. He said that he thinks that Meg Griffin worked with him back at WRNW and he thinks that she was pissed off that he even had a job there because he was so bad. He said that she was great at that point in her career and she was just as good then as she is now.
Howard said he doesn't think that he sounds that good doing the live commercials but Fred said he does think that he sounds good doing them. Howard said that he wants to sound like that announcer type of guy and not sound conversational like he actually does. He said he knew guys like that who could do that Top 40-like announcing and he was jealous of them.
Howard said he knows that Meg was disgusted with him back when he worked with her. He said he used to try and copy what she played on her show and tried to do the same thing. He said that the stuff she played was so obscure that he couldn't even find the albums to play them himself. He said her husband was the same way and he was hoping that both of them would like him if they heard that stuff.
Howard and Fred played with some of the wacky songs that Meg and her husband used to play on WRNW. Fred found some weird, obscure stuff that they might have played back then. Howard said he'd just play the popular stuff that he heard on the radio instead of getting all obscure. He said all he wanted to do was announce back then and didn't care about the music.
Howard said that Meg is the real deal and even left K-Rock to go work at a college station because K-Rock didn't play her type of music. She was probably making $100,000 a year at K-Rock and probably went down to 3 bucks an hour at the college station. He said she probably considered him a sell out for staying there at K-Rock and doing his thing. They talked about some of the other wacky stuff that Meg has done and then Gary said that Meg was actually there, right outside of his door.
Howard had Gary bring Meg in to talk about all of that stuff. Meg came in and said that it's been a long time since she's been on the show. She said it was back in the K-Rock days. Howard said that Meg still sounds very professional to this day. He talked to her about some of the stuff she used to have problems with and how she'd refuse to read stuff on the air.
Meg saw that they have flames in the studio and took credit for that because she once said that his studio was like Dante's inferno. Howard said that she must have been disappointed back at WRNW when they hired him because it was an insult to her. Meg said that Howard wouldn't play a lot of stuff back then when they asked him to. She said that he wasn't into playing The Ramones and stuff like that. She said that it was around the time that they were playing Fleetwood Mac on regular stations and they were playing really obscure stuff.
Meg said that it was really weird when Howard would go out to his car and meditate after doing his thing on the radio. Howard said that he was really attracted to Meg back then too. He said that Meg's lover was music though and she wasn't into him.
Meg said that she's working there at SIRIUS on channel 70, Sirius Disorder, and doing the same kind of thing she used to do. Howard said that she's still got that voice with her. He said that he thought Meg was a lesbian at one point when Patty Smith came out. Gary said that Patty once called Howard an asshole on the air. Meg said that she was talking about the obscene amount of money that Howard was getting paid and went off on him about that.
Howard said that Meg was like management back at WRNW so she was like his boss. They talked about some of the people they used to work with and how Howard had to try and fit in with them. He said he had to act crazy around Meg so he could fit in with the other wacky guys she was friends with.
Howard said he had some audio from back at WRNW and started to play it. He cut it off, after about 3 seconds, saying that he didn't want to hear it because it was so bad. Meg said that she listens to Howard every morning now and she is a fan of the show even though he used to think that she wasn't.
Meg got in a plug for her show that she does on channel 70. She mentioned that Vin Scelsa is on that channel too. Howard said he thought that Vin hated him but Gary said that he did turn on him for a while but he's changed his mind since then. Howard told Meg to give his best to everyone over there on her channel and asked her what band she loves right now. She said that she likes this guy Dan Wilson (Free Life) because every single song on his album is good.
Howard was wrapping up with Meg but Artie had a question for her. He asked her about the Bottom Line / CBGBs club that she was trying to save. He asked her if anyone in the rock business just thought about putting the money up for it. Meg said that they refused to take money over there until they had a signed lease to keep the club open for a while. She said that they raised the rent up to like $35,000 a month and it just wasn't possible to keep the club open. Meg said that SIRIUS came up with the entire back rent and offered it to them but it was more complicated than that.
Howard asked Meg about leaving K-Rock and how she was probably making 100 grand at the time. She said it was just about that much. She said that she was making good money over at the college station she went to and was making just under $70,000 over there. She said that the SIRIUS thing kind of scared her but that's why she came there. She wanted the challenge.
Meg said that when she left K-Rock, in 1993, they were playing Aqualung every 18 minutes or so. That led to Fred playing the first few notes of the song and torturing Meg with that for a couple of minutes while Howard made up lyrics to the song. Howard wrapped up with her and went to break a short time later.
Mariann said her hello's to everyone else in the studio and told Robin she was wrong for cursing out Howard last week. She said that she's obviously got the hots for Nick Manning too. Artie threw out a thank-you for Mariann's birthday card but Howard had cut her off at that point so she may not have even heard it.
Howard read some notes about the subscriber numbers that SIRIUS has. He said they're up to 7.7 million at this point. XM is up around 8.5 or so. They've got about 15 or 16 million subscribers between the two of them so there are probably like 30 million people listening because one radio usually has more than one listener.
Robin said that she was reading that some of the major metropolitan areas were left out of the recent Arbitron ratings. Howard said he doesn't really care about that. He read another article about how the tables were turned on XM after Howard went to SIRIUS and brought them to the point that they could be taking them over soon. Howard said that there's another article where they talk about how successful his show is even though he doesn't have the huge number of listeners that he used to. He still thinks that they will be number one against XM if this keeps up.
Howard read some e-mail and one person thinks that Benjy is a meth addict because of his sweating and odd behavior. Someone else wrote in about the goofy video they have of Benjy on Howard's web site. Those clips pop up randomly on the site according to Benjy. Sometimes it's him, sometimes Sal.
Howard read some more mail and some fans think that they should keep up the cursing on the show and not edit themselves. Other fans wrote in about his stories about his parents and how great they are when he does the voices of his parents. Someone wrote in and said that they think that Howard might be jealous of Ronnie the Limo Driver.
Steve also said that they have a Rescue Me salute to the troops coming up and they're not sure if Artie is going to be invited since the USO refused him. Howard said they have someone from the USO coming in tomorrow to say that they haven't turned Artie down and it may have been a scheduling conflict. Artie said that maybe they're going to let him go in 2008 or something.
Steve said that Big Foot is on the loose up in Vermont. He's been threatening to overdose on pills and he's now run off and no one is sure where he is. Steve also brought up the interview that Gary and Artie did yesterday and they'll have more on that today on Howard 100 News.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about the Miss Howard Stern contest and what happened with Rick and Siobhan. They'll also talk about Andrea's new TV show that's premiering today on Howard TV. They're going to talk about Artie's diet, his fight with High Pitch Mike, Lisa G's cookie party and Meg Griffin's visit to the show today among other things.
Robin started her news and read through some news stories and brought up a bunch of various stories. She brought up one about this guy Gary Collins who was arrested for DUI. Howard said he's pretty sure that guy went off on him for being a scumbag one time. Robin said that he is one of those ''holier than thou'' type of guys so he probably did.
Robin went through a bunch of other stories and noticed that Artie was falling asleep again. She wondered why he was sleeping now that he's on his diet. Artie said he wasn't sleeping, he was mad though. Mad that he wasn't eating. Howard said he can see that Artie is struggling with it and told him to drink a lot of water. Artie said he tried that with coffee yesterday. Howard told him to try water, that's better than coffee. He said that he'll get lethargic without water. Artie sounded a little tired as he was talking to them.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show talking about Gary clearing his throat before the show and grossing him out. He said he was going to throw up hearing that. He said Gary was telling him about some of the stuff they had going on today and that's what he had to hear. Robin's voice was sounding odd too so Howard thought she had a cold. Robin said it was a lack of moisture in the air that was doing it to her.
Howard mentioned that people are eating squirrels and there's a warning out there now about that. They're apparently very toxic and filled with lead. He said that some scientists found that they found lead in the stomachs of these squirrels but then they found that the blender they were using actually had the lead in it so that's where it came from.
Richard came in and said that he's had squirrel and it tastes a lot like rabbit. He was also saying that his father kind of introduced squirrels into this one area of Kansas. He brought them into the town that he was living in and that led to him having squirrel hunts and stuff like that.
Howard said he can't imagine eating a squirrel. Richard said that out in the wild it's different than seeing them in New York city. In the city they look kind of cute. Richard said that you'd need a couple of them to make a good meal.
Artie said that he saw a documentary about the Donner party and how the family wanted to make sure they proved that they didn't actually eat other people. Artie said he thinks he'd rather eat a person than eat a squirrel. Howard asked Richard how good his father is at shooting squirrels. Richard said he can take him out from 25 feet away or so. He said he'd use a .308 or maybe a .22 to shoot them. He said his father has really good eyesight and can pick out a squirrel on the side of the road. He'll just be driving down the road and notice stuff like that without even looking for them.
Howard asked if Richard's dad ever pulls over to the side of the road and just shoots stuff. Richard said he's more of a sportsman and would rather go out and hunt for the day than do something like that. Artie said that he and some buddies used to have a row boat and they used to go out and night and the crabs would swim up to the light and they'd catch them. They were threatened with an arrest by the Coast Guard when they did that though.
Richard talked about noodling too. That's where people reach into a blind hole to try and grab catfish. Sometimes they'll lose fingers to snapping turtles when they do that kind of stuff though. Howard said Richard's father is quite a guy doing that stuff.
Richard said that they used to eat a lot of different animals but never pigeons. He said that they used to eat raccoon and squirrel and things like that. He said that his parents both love the sport of hunting and fishing. Howard said that Richard's mother is the one who cooks all of that stuff up and helps out with that stuff. They had a special on Howard TV about that but Howard wasn't sure if that was still up there. He said that he watched Richard's mom cooking up some raccoon and trying to make sure you don't know what you're eating.
Howard said that chicken isn't much different than that and you're eating a bird when you eat that stuff. He said it makes him sick to think that he's eating stuff like that though. Richard said that it's tough when you have pet chickens too, especially when you eat chicken for dinner.
Richard said that they had a calf as a pet and they actually ate it when it was time for it to go. Richard said it was really sad to do that but that's the kind of stuff they ate. Howard said that it's really involved when you have a pet like that. Richard said that he could pet the calf and go out into the field to see it. He said he was probably 10 or 11 at the time. Howard said that would be like him eating his dog Bianca. Richard said the calf's name was ''Calfie'' or something like that. Howard said that he's worse at naming pets than he is. He said he had a pet frog that he named Dainty Jainty.
Richard said that he used to have pet hogs too. They'd take them to a county fair and then they'd take them away to the slaughter house after showing them and winning ribbons for them. Richard said the whole point of doing it was to make them into food though so that's w