Howard and the guys were back from their Thanksgiving vacation this morning. Howard started off the show saying that he was listening to the shows while they were away and they were better than anything they could do this week. He wasn't sure why they came back.
Howard was also saying that people have been complaining about Robin ripping up newspapers on the air and they're suggesting that she just put sticky notes on the pages instead. Howard said he was used to it and it doesn't bother him but some of the fans were complaining and they're the ones paying for the service so they should get what they want.
Howard took a call and talked about the Jackie special they ran last week. He said it was great hearing them goofing on Jackie about everything. He also ready a story in the NY Post ('JOKE MAN' DOESN'T MISS STERN) about Jackie saying that he wouldn't come back to the show under any circumstances. Howard said Jackie called him for months trying to get the job back when he left the show. Robin said he hasn't called lately though.
Howard said they got some good feedback about the Ralph Free show they ran on Thanksgiving. He said he'd play some of that later on. He got to the caller and asked him what was going on. The caller said that he saw a SIRIUS commercial during a football game yesterday and he thought it was great. Howard didn't see it but he did see some of the football game that the guy was talking about. They spent a short time talking about that.
Howard and the guys talked about The Eagles being on 60 Minutes last night. They were talking about how angry Don Henley seems to be. Howard figures that he's so angry because he's a drummer. He writes songs and stuff but he's still just a drummer.
Howard said that the Eagles are amazing because they've sold so many albums and they keep going. They had a huge hit with Hotel California but they were done in with that one because it was so overplayed. They have a new album out and they've put it out on their own this time. Howard said they're now the number 1 selling album.
Howard played some of one part of that special where Ralph was arguing with Bubba the Love Sponge. Howard played the unedited version first and then played the ''Ralph Free'' version with the turkey clucking. They edited out all of Ralph's words which was kind of funny. The caller said he thought it was great the way they handled that.
Howard played another clip where Ralph was talking to Richard Roeper about some stuff. They were talking about the Ebert and Roeper show and the guest hosts they have on there. Then Howard played the Ralph Free version with the turkey sounds.
Howard read some feedback they got about the Ralph special. A lot of fans were thrilled that they edited him out and they'd like him left out of the show completely in the future. He read through a bunch of mail on that subject. He said that a lot of people were thrilled with that Ralph Free Radio.
Gary said they have a poll that says 65 percent of the fans were listening to the Ralph Free version of the show that day. Howard said those were unofficial numbers and he hopes to have the real numbers later.
The caller told Howard that he loved hearing the Jackie Puppet on the replays last week. Howard said he was listening to some of that stuff and he loved it too. He said his favorite moment was when Jackie was talking about how he came up with the idea to use the term ''anal'' for talking about anal sex. Howard said he seems to have invented just about everything.
Howard said he was very irritable and asked for 7 tickets at first and then knocked it down to 4 when some of his family backed out. He said that he was miserable going to the play of course. He said that he didn't want to be out late because he can't sleep in even when he's on vacation.
Artie said he realized that when he stayed with Howard and Beth out on Long Island. Howard said that Artie slept through the day while he and Beth were up early. He thought that Artie had died or something because he wasn't waking up.
Howard said he was out at a card game one time and one of the guys there passed out. Everyone thought he had died but Senator D'Amato's girlfriend was a doctor and looked at him and helped out. They sent the guy to the hospital and he was okay. Howard said he looked at everyone that night and wondered why everyone wanted to leave, they could have continued their card game. Howard said that they all wanted to go home because the guy was having trouble. Howard said he convinced everyone to stay and they stayed up playing cards until 2 in the morning.
Gary came in and said that when Fred fell at Scores at his bachelor party, they all stayed and continued partying while Fred was in the hospital. Howard said that's what they should do, once they're in the hospital there's nothing you can do.
Robin said that she was on a flight one time where a passenger had passed out and she was hoping that they wouldn't have to land early.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he just got a new Stiletto 2 radio and he was listening to a football game last night and thought it was great. He said that they show a color picture of the football team helmets on the player and stuff like that.
The caller also asked Robin if she straddled the guy on the plane who had passed out the same way she had done that to a guy in the hospital when she was a nurse. Robin said she didn't but then had to explain what she had done in the hospital that one time. She said that she was trying to shock this guy into reality when he was talking about how he didn't think he could live after losing a leg in a motorcycle accident. She said she got on top of him and told him that he was going to be fine. She said that she was showing him that he was still alive and that he could have a life.
Robin said that the guy thanked her for doing that and told her it was amazing. He figured he was okay after that. Artie thought that was very thoughtful of her to do that. He said that she's good at giving care like that. She was very comforting the day he talked about his heroin addiction. He said she came over and hugged him and comforted him about that. Howard said he'd like to be shocked too.
Howard said he loved this Young Frankenstein show and they were one of the few shows that wasn't effected by this strike that's going on. Howard said that Beth's mother came into town and wanted to go to some other shows but they were closed due to the strike.
Howard said they went to the show and it was hysterically funny. He said he usually hates musicals but this one was funny. He gave it an A+. He said he went to see another play one time and wanted to hang himself. That was ''Sweeny Todd'' and he has no desire to see the movie. He said this one was simple and funny and right to the point and it was great.
Howard said that if Frankenstein was in every play, he'd go see more plays. He said he was in a really good mood after seeing this play.
Howard also mentioned Marie Osmond still being on Dancing with the Stars. He said he's not sure how that's possible when she's such a klutz. He said that they got rid of Jenni Garth but she was better than Marie was. He said they have a race car driver on the show and he's really good even though he's never danced before.
The guys talked about how all of the Osmonds are involved with the show now. They all look the same and they're all involved with it in some way. Howard said he used to beat off to Marie when she was younger too but not any more.
Howard said there was something else in the news he wanted to read about but he forgot what it was. He said that he was reading about this movie ''Enchanted'' that was number 1 at the box office. He had no idea what it was about. Robin told him a little about it.
Artie said he went and saw a few movies over vacation. He said that he saw ''Michael Clayton,'' ''American Gangster'' and ''No Country for Old Men.'' He said that ''No Country for Old Men'' was fuckin' amazing. Jon Hein came in and told Howard about the movie ''Enchanted'' which he saw with his kids. He said it was so cheesy though.
Howard said that Battlestar Galactica started up their new season on Saturday night and realized that the Sci-Fi channel doesn't know how to market their gold mine show. No one knew it was starting again. He said he had a really geeky Saturday night. He watched that show in bed and had a great time doing that. He said that it's not actually the new season, it was just a 2 hour movie to keep people tied over until March when the final season starts.
Howard talked about this season of The Bachelor. He said that all of the women who are involved with that show are all psychotic. He said it was great though because the guy ended up picking the final two women and then turned both of them down. He said he couldn't stand any of them. Howard said he admires the guy for doing that. He said that Beth's mother got upset at the guy saying that he was afraid of commitment. Howard said he and Beth sat her down and told her that you can't judge him by something that's on TV. They had these women set up for him.
Howard said that one of the women that was on the show was arrested just last week for punching her boyfriend. That's the kind of women they're setting this Bachelor up with. He said that any woman who goes on a TV show to find a guy has to be a little off. He said that they did drag out Trista and Ryan who were able to stick together after the Bachelorette. Howard said that Trista looks like a house frau and Ryan looks like he's drained as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that she thinks that Robin waited until this past holiday to have sex with Jim Florentine. Robin just laughed and said ''Oh please.'' Howard said he's curious about her relationship and thinks that she's already done it with him. She said hadn't and told him to think anything he wants. Howard said they don't know how many days they have left on this planet so she should just do what she can.
Howard said that he's had some shitty sex before when he's really into a chick. He said that he had that happen to him one time and the sex was just horrible. He said that they did it a couple of times and it was horrible every time so they had to break up. He said that with that chick he blew his load immediately after going inside her. He said that he's found that if he really connects to a girl he can last a long time. With this chick he wasn't able to do that.
Howard asked Robin if she saw Jim Florentine during vacation. She said that she may have. She said she wasn't sure if it was once or twice, because she had forgotten already. Howard said it would be a bad sign if he was around the area and she only saw him once. She said that he was out working so he wasn't around that much. Howard said that he'd bet the farm that she's had sex with him already. Robin said that they don't see each other very often.
Artie said that he was out in Vegas with Jim so he knows that he wasn't around for like half the week. Howard figured that she saw him twice in half a week so that's pretty good. The caller asked Robin if she was able to recover from Jim's big balls slamming into her. She just laughed again. Howard asked her if she can feel a guy's balls banging against her when she's having sex. She said that can happen but she wasn't saying that about Jim's balls.
Howard said that Jim has big nuts. Artie said he's seen them because Jim whips them out sometimes. He said that they were coming back from a gig one time and they stopped at a rest stop. Jim was 2 urinals down and told him to take a look at them. He turned his head and took a quick look not knowing what he was going to see, and he saw his huge nuts. He said he did it in a way that he couldn't see his dick and it looked like a big bean bag chair in his crotch. Robin said that does freak her out and bothers her when she hears stories like that.
Howard said that Richard went on his train trip over vacation and sent him a really long e-mail and some video of an old guy shaking like the principal in Beavis and Butt-Head cartoons. Howard said he heard from some people that Richard was on the train drinking the whole time. Richard said there was nothing else to do on the train.
Gary said he heard that Richard and his girlfriend packed up a whole suitcase full of booze. Richard said that they did that and they had a bunch of stuff to drink. He said they took some wine and a bunch of other stuff. Richard said they didn't want to bother the guy in the bar on the train when he was on his break so they had their own stuff.
Richard said that he knows he's an alcoholic but he's not worried about it. Artie wondered why he'd put himself on a train where he knows he has to drink to get through it. Richard said he loves going on the train and he likes looking at the scenery out there. He said there was something magical about it. He said it wouldn't be as magical if he wasn't drinking. He said ''Everything is funner when you're drinking.''
Howard heard that Richard was yelling at some kids on the train. Gary told Howard they had some audio from the train where they had a crying baby right near them. Howard played the clip and said he'd be drinking too if he had that going on. Richard said that was going on at 2 in the morning.
Richard said he was stuck in a seat and not in a sleeping car. He said that they toughed it out and didn't get a sleeping car. He said that his girlfriend had a blast even though they felt like they had been beaten up by the chairs.
Artie said he took a train up to Boston over vacation but he can't imagine doing that just for the fuck of it. He said he had to go to work up there and didn't want to fly. He said he can't imagine doing that for fun though.
Richard said he was on the train for like 36 hours at a time. He said he had one set of clothes and some Simpson's sleeping pants for bed time. He said that they did get off in Colorado. They have to change crews every 12 hours or so too. Richard said this is like an old 1800s type of trip.
Richard said that the trains can go places that no one can go to and he really likes it. He said he was able to shower out in Colorado since there were no showers on the train. Artie said he doesn't know how to react to this guy. He said that if he was with that chick, who is hot, he'd be banging her all the time. Richard said that they wanted to go on a train and didn't think about the whole sex thing.
Richard said that there were some really weird people on that train. Artie said ''Yeah, like you two!'' Richard went on to say that there was one guy who was ripping Wall Street Journals for like 2 days.
Gary came in and said that Richard was talking to him about how he had gone to see ''The Big Lebowski'' and taped himself laughing at one point in the movie. He laughs every time and they recorded him laughing at it.
JD came in and said that Richard laughs the same way every time he sees this one scene and he's heard him do it a bunch of times because they all go to see the movie together. Howard played the clip and Richard is belly laughing while no one else in the theater is making a sound. Gary said it's just like that De Niro scene in ''Cape Fear'' where he's laughing inappropriately during a movie.
Richard said that when they got back from their trip they went out bowling. He said they didn't even bang before they went out bowling. They did have time to shower though. Robin thinks that they need an intervention there and they're enjoying the drinking more than sex.
Howard asked Richard how much he has to drink during that train trip. Richard said they would have mimosas in the morning, every morning, and they brought their own champagne and orange juice. He said he'd have some beer during the morning and some cranberry and vodkas and then some wine later on in the day. He'd get up in the afternoon after an hour long nap and drink some more. He said that they'd have beer at that point, until dinner. He said that he likes cranberry and vodka with his food. He'd have 3 or 4 of those with his meal. He said they have real good food like hamburgers and stuff like that.
Howard asked if they mind that he brings his own booze on the train. Richard said that's the cool thing about it, they don't mind at all. He said he did fall into a few people's laps when he was walking around drunk but the people think that it's just the rocking of the train that makes him fall.
Artie asked if the girlfriend is on the same schedule or if she asks him to do other stuff. Richard said that she's cool with it all and she has fun with him. Richard said he was thinking about taking up smoking pot instead of drinking but he doesn't want to risk getting into trouble smoking an illegal substance. He said that his girlfriend is a casual drinker and she doesn't drink as much as him.
Artie wondered how his girlfriend deals with him when he's drunk. Richard said he's really mellow when he's drunk so it can't be that tough. The guys told him that he's really obnoxious when he's drunk and he has no idea. Howard told him that he should have some kind of governor in his brain that tells him he's got to cut back a little bit. Richard said that this was a vacation though, he probably won't drink this week until Friday. He doesn't have to drink every single day.
Gary said he had a quiz for the guys and asked them how many mimosas Richard could have had in an hour at a place where they give free drinks for an hour. Fred guessed right when he said ''20.'' Richard had 20 mimosas for $12.99 at an all you can drink thing at a Mexican restaurant. Gary said that the people at the restaurant were freaking out.
Fred played a voice mail that Richard had left for Will one time where he was drunk and pissing on the street. He was also coming on to Will during that drunken call. Howard thinks that Richard might be gay after hearing that call. Artie said that he thinks that Richard is a gay guy too and that's fine, but he shouldn't try to hide it anymore. Richard said if he was gay he wouldn't hide it from anyone. He said it might be a little weird being around the guys after that but everyone seems to be cool about that stuff.
Howard said that he had to go to break after all of that. Richard said he had to thank Howard for something first. He said he read the new Steve Martin book and it was amazing. Howard said the book, ''Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life,'' really is good and Steve is a great writer. Richard said that he thought that Steve was a regular on Saturday Night Live but he found out that he was just a special guest once in a while. They spent a minute talking about that before Howard had to go to break.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa came in and asked Howard if he had any wedding plans yet. He didn't so Lisa brought up the story about JD going out to see his mother for their big reunion. Howard had JD come back in and asked him about that. JD said that it had been like 4 or 5 years since they last saw each other. He said that the Hawaiian dude wasn't there, he's still back in Hawaii and taking care of some stuff there.
Howard asked JD about his mother and if she's having problems with her marriage or anything. JD said she's fine and she looks the same as she did years ago. He said that she did have some tattoos on her leg that she didn't have before though. He said he doesn't remember what they were though. Howard and the guys had some fun goofing on JD a little bit.
JD said that his mother told him he looked handsome. Howard said that some kids are weird with their moms after not seeing them for 7 years so he wondered if it was weird for him. JD said everything was fine. He said they had a nice hello hug and hugged again when they said goodbye. Howard said that maybe they'll see each other again in 7 years. JD said that they will see each other before then. He said he may go to see her at Christmas.
JD said that his mother is staying here on the mainland and not going back to Hawaii. Howard and the guys were playing Hawaiian music and goofing on him a little bit. JD said that he doesn't like talking about his mother on the air like this and she doesn't want to be talked about. He said that she's not rich and she can't just fly home to see him all the time. Howard said she could have come back at least once in that 7 years they didn't see each other.
Howard said he bets that his mother's husband would go back to see his kids in Hawaii. He also asked JD what the tattoos were on his mother's leg. JD insists that he can't remember them but Howard said that would be pretty big news to him if he saw tattoos on his mother's leg. He should know what they were. JD said that she got one or two and he really doesn't remember what they were. Howard said he's got to be full of shit and he should have known what they were. He had to have looked at them. JD said that they may have been clouds and the sun or something. He doesn't care what they were and that's why he doesn't remember what they were.
JD said that she keeps them covered up with pants so he can't remember what they were. The guys threw out a few lines for what it could have said like ''I love (the N-word)'' or something like that. Howard said stuff like that would be great to tattoo on someone when they're passed out drunk.
Howard said he thinks that JD is lying about this and he has to know what they were. JD said he honestly doesn't remember exactly what it was. He thinks it was something to do with nature. Howard thinks that he's embarrassed by it and that's why he won't tell them what it was. Howard said that he must think he's an idiot. He looked at the tattoo and has to know what it was.
JD said that it was a design but he didn't know how to describe it. Howard said that it's his mom, he hadn't seen her in 7 years and now she's marked permanently and he doesn't know what it is. JD said it was a symbol that he couldn't describe ''I guess.'' Howard told him to get out of there because he's insulting his intelligence and he's done it for the last time.
JD said that they met up in Ohio and went to his grandmother's house for Thanksgiving. He said they talked about little things and it's not like they never talk. Howard was still on the tattoo thing and wondered how he couldn't remember what it was. He thought that was really weird. He also asked JD why he thinks he's the bad one when it comes to their relationship. JD said he doesn't think he's the bad one but he feels that he could be the reason that they haven't seen each other a lot lately.
JD said that his mother did ask him if he has a girlfriend but he just told her he doesn't. He didn't talk about the porno chicks that he's had like Kimberly Kane. He said that she wasn't his girlfriend though. Howard told JD he's happy he saw his mom. He told him that he would have flown him out anywhere to see his mother if he would have let him.
Howard said that JD can't go to see his mom but he will spend $10,000 on internet porn and blow $800 on one stripper at Scores. Howard did an impression of JD talking to his mother about all of his Myspace friends. He asked JD how many he has. JD said he's not sure but he thinks it's up around 6000 or so.
Howard said that Fred was very much like JD when he was younger. JD could end up being just like him. Artie said that he's like an untalented Fred. A Fred without the genius.
Howard asked JD about the 6000 friends on Myspace. JD said that people just send him requests so he approves them. Artie said that this generation is really gay with the ''friend requests'' and shit.
Benjy said that JD has almost 7000 friends on Myspace and his brother is first on his list and his father is number 2 on the list. His father has his brother listed as number 1 on his list. Howard felt really bad for him when he heard that. His brother is younger than him and his father picked him as his favorite.
Benjy read some other stuff from JD's profile and that led to them finding out that JD doesn't even know how tall he is. He said he thought he was 5'10'' tall and that's what he put on there. Doug came in with a measuring tape and found out he was about 5'8 1/2'' tall.
Howard couldn't get over the fact that JD's father lists his brother as number 1 on his friends list. He told him he was so sorry about that. He wondered why that was and why he's not number 1. JD said he really doesn't care. Howard said his father must care, he put one of them first on his list. JD just laughed and asked if they want him to lay down so they can analyze him on the couch. Howard said he would never do something like that to his kids. JD said that his father doesn't have him listed as his second favorite son, he just has his brother in the first spot.
Howard said that's like someone asking his father to pick one of them to be put on the train to go to the concentration camp. If the Nazi's checked that page, they'd pick JD to go first. Howard and the guys had some fun goofing on him about that for a few minutes. Fred even went into his Kurt Waldheim Jr. impression for a few seconds since they were on the concentration camp thing.
Howard said they have to get JD's father on the phone to talk about this. JD said they really don't have to do that. Howard told JD that he should make his best friend his Hawaiian step-father. Then his father would have to make him number one on his list of friends.
Howard told Gary to get JD's father on the phone. JD said that he really doesn't want his family being discussed on the show. Howard said that they won't call him then. Howard said he's going to get himself a Myspace page and make JD his number 1 friend. He said that he's serious about that too. JD said there are already about 50 million of him on there.
Howard had JD's father Chuck on the phone a short time later. He asked Chuck about the Myspace page thing. He said he lists his other son as number 1. Chuck said the Myspace page is a joke anyway. He said that he's not that computer savvy and he's not saying that it's his favorite son, he just has them both listed on there. He said that his son added him to his page first so that's why he's the first one up there. Howard asked him why he's even on Myspace. Chuck said that he likes to read the stuff that the people write to his sons.
Chuck said this is the first he's hearing about the pictures being in order of favorites. He said if that's the case he's going to put his own father in the number one spot. Chuck was also saying that JD spent more time with him over vacation but he's spent all of this time talking about his mother.
Howard asked Chuck if the Nazi's came to him and said he had to choose between his two sons, which one would he pick. Chuck said he can't pick between them. He'd have to kill himself.
Gary came in and said that Chuck and JD's brother seem to talk all the time according to what he sees on his Myspace page. He had some notes from the page and asked JD if he knew his favorite movie or TV shows. He didn't know that Space Balls was his favorite movie. He did know that Cops was one of his favorite TV shows though. He didn't know about the favorite band which was Metallica though.
Benjy said that Chuck also has a song running on the page and it's ''Cats in the Cradle.'' Howard thought that was kind of odd. Benjy said that he thinks that his father could pick up more chicks with his picture too.
Howard said that things aren't so bad after hearing all of that. Benjy said that JD says that one of his heroes is Howard. Howard thanked him for that and let him go a short time later. He told JD that he's his best friend as Fred was playing Queen's ''You're My Best Friend.'' Howard made up some new lyrics for the song which were ''You're my second best friend...''
Lisa G got back to her news preview and said that they have a story about Mariann from Brooklyn being in the new Tony and Tina's Wedding movie. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
After the song was done Howard came back and Robin said that whenever she hears Led Zeppelin songs she can't get over the fact that they stole so much. Howard said they're still great but Robin said they're great because they did great renditions of songs they didn't write.
Howard changed subjects and talked about his Thanksgiving dinner. He said he had a ton of family over for the holiday and it was all beautiful. He said his father was the life of the party and he loves to talk about Seinfeld episodes. He loves that show and he quotes the show every minute.
Howard said his dad loves to ask him questions. He said they had someone cooking for them but he was the host of the party so he was still busy. He was worrying about his father getting what he wanted and keeping him happy. He said his mother was yelling at him that his father never got his coffee. He said he could have gotten up and gotten it himself, his place isn't that big. He could have asked someone too but he didn't bother.
Howard said his father was talking to his youngest daughter Ashley about why they picked that certain day to be Thanksgiving day. Howard said he didn't really know why so he just told his dad to tell them but he keeps asking over and over. Howard said he just wanted his father to explain it instead of quizzing them about it. Howard said his daughter told him he was mean when he yelled at his dad. Howard said it's not supposed to be a game show though and he just wanted him to give them the answer.
Howard said his father is just trying to prove that he's smarter than everyone, that's the way he takes it. His daughter felt like it was something she was learning and didn't think he was trying to prove anything. Howard said his father told them that they pick every 4th Thursday in November, not the last Thursday. His father told him he sat down and figured that out on his own. Howard said he must have had the question posed to him to have sat down to think about it.
Howard said his father was also off on a tangent about Dancing with the Stars because he can't believe that Marie Osmond is still on the show. He told his father to vote against her if that's how he feels.
Howard said his father is against fixing up their house while his mother wants to have it done. Howard said he told his dad they just need a little sprucing up but he doesn't want anyone in the house. His father doesn't think they should bother because they're getting old and won't be around much longer anyway. Howard said he did the math on that and figured he's probably right.
In the clip Richard calls in and talks really slow and tells them about his family problems and just drags it out as long as possible. They eventually cut him off and try to get him to the point of his story. Richard was mentioning every single family member and what they were doing so they had to hang up on him. Then Sal called in and did something similar where he dragged out his story. He didn't do the slow talking thing though. He just gave the history of each family member. The hosts of the show continued to discuss the calls and then they put Richard back on the line. He started to ramble again so they hung up on him.
Howard said that they haven't seen Chuck Norris in a long time but he's seen this video from the web where he's talking about getting the bible taught in public school. He said he thinks that Chuck has finally flipped his lid. He said that must be the reason he doesn't do the show anymore. He said that he's still looking pretty good though.
Howard played the video where chuck and his wife are both talking about getting the bible taught in school. Howard said that they might have to do an intervention. Robin said that they may have to kidnap him and get him deprogrammed. Howard said that they could hire a bunch of people to kidnap him and get him away from that wife of his.
Howard wondered how Chuck got to be an expert in all of this. He said that guy used to beat up Koreans in Korea and now he's an expert on the history of this country and what the forefathers wanted. He said he's a huge fan of Chuck's but he just wants to see him beating the shit out of people. He continued to play the clip and said that it's a really weird thing to be involved with. He said it does get him back on TV though.
Howard said that the forefathers also wanted to keep black people enslaved so maybe they should bring that back. He said that was kind of fun. Robin said that they lost Chuck many years ago. Howard threw him a bachelor party at Scores one time and he seems to remember him with his legs open getting a lap dance. He told Chuck that help is on the way.
Howard said that Ivy sent Gary a text message telling him to tell Benjy to come home to get his jacket. Gary said that he gets a bunch of messages from her and she recently told him how great it was staying with Benjy. Benjy said that they just lay in bed and talk about how much they like each other sometimes. He said that she's really calm and happy when he's with her and she's told him that she's never been that happy in her life.
Artie said he got a message from her one time saying that she wanted him to come over and fuck her. Howard said that maybe she's got Benjy confused with Artie. Benjy said she told him that he looks kind of like Vince Vaughn, which he thought was really nice.
Howard said they have to get her on the phone to talk about this. Gary asked Howard if he would let Benjy bring Ivy to his apartment for a party. Howard said he'd have her there before he'd have Benjy. He asked Benjy if she sits around talking about her issues with that Squrat character that she claims was stolen from her. Benjy said that they do talk about that kind of stuff sometimes.
Artie said he left the show and did an after-thing he had to do. Then he had a 7am flight home. He was in Vegas for a total of about 11 hours. He said he flew home and got home around 5pm. He went to sleep and got up the next day to go to another show in Poughkeepsie, NY. Then he had to do another show the next day up in Boston. He took the train up there and did two shows up there at the Comedy Connection. Then he went out to see Bruce Springsteen with Gary and Ross who were also up there.
Artie said that he and the guys got to see Bruce and the band rehearsing their songs. He didn't get to talk to him though. He said that one of the guys in the band had his last show that night and it was tough to watch them doing a tribute to the guy.
Howard asked if she ever leaves the apartment. She was there at his apartment as they were talking but she has her own apartment. Benjy said that most women see his apartment and tell him to clean it up but Ivy liked it the way it was. Howard asked her to put some feathers up or something in the apartment. She asked if she had permission to do that. Howard told her she could paint with her feces if she wants.
Ivy said that Benjy is really sweet and she really does like him. She said that she hasn't had a real relationship in a long time. Howard told her she can become ''Ivy Superbronk'' if she keeps going out with him. She said that she's not sure if he's her boyfriend yet. Benjy said that they do have feelings but they're not quite to the boyfriend thing yet.
Benjy said that he likes having her waiting for him at home. He said that they sit around and watch TV and surf the internet together. Benjy said that they went to the parade together last week. Howard said she's got a smoking' body too. Howard asked how her ass is. Benjy said that it's really nice. Benjy said he was totally staring at her ass and it curves out real nice. He said that she could gain some weight though.
Howard said he pictures Ivy being really wild. Benjy said that he's pretty wild himself and he might be wilder than her.
Ivy said that Benjy has the best hands ever. She wouldn't say if she had sex with him but she was hinting that he had used her hand on her. She also said that he's given her many orgasms. She said that she didn't want to say how he did it but Howard wanted to know.
Howard said that Ivy is good looking as he was looking at some video of her. He said she's got too many tattoos though. Benjy said he was looking at tattoo removal on the web. Howard told her that she's smoking hot for a 40 year old. He said her ass is tight even for a 20 year old. He congratulated Benjy on that score. He said that she's got a great body and Artie should have tapped that before Benjy did. Artie said he was busy.
Ivy said that Benjy has calmed her down and she can see this relationship going really far. Benjy said that he has loving feelings toward her but he still loves Sheila too.
Artie asked Benjy if he's now backing Ivy in all of her fights and stuff. Benjy said that is kind of happening. Ivy said that he looks at her paperwork and stuff and tells her what she should do and he's really brilliant that way.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he heard from her 2 weeks ago and he didn't know what she was talking about. This morning she's understandable. The guys said that Benjy seems to have healing powers with his banging. Benjy said that he completely avoided being naked in front of her. He said that she's very smart but also naive because he told her that he can't get naked in front of anyone for religious reasons. He keeps his shirt on and walks sideways so he doesn't show anything.
Artie said that this is wonderful, Benjy and Ivy have hooked up and it's working out really well. Howard said that Benjy is always all sweaty and wondered if Ivy has seen that. Ivy said that she never noticed that.
Benjy said that now everyone is going to think that they can get Ivy because he's gotten her. Robin asked how he made this happen. She said that he was just very caring and helped her out. She fell for him over that. She said that she was hiding out at his apartment before she had to go to jail and he comforted her there at his apartment.
Benjy said that he thinks that she has some validity in her lawsuit against FOX. He told Dominic that he really believes that. Dominic said that he will review it for them if she stays with Benjy. He said that he wants to help Benjy out with that stuff.
Howard asked Ivy if she's fully shaved. Ivy said that it depends on the day. She said it's a lot of work and she doesn't have 2 hours a day to do that. She's very busy doing stuff and doesn't have the ability to do that.
Howard asked how many days it took Benjy to get her. He thought it was 3 or 4 days. Ivy thought it was more like a week. Benjy said that they're more into touching and kissing and not so much having sex. Howard was asking him what positions he liked her in. Benjy said he likes her in all fours across him. That made Ivy laugh.
Benjy said that Ivy has noticed his screaming at night. He has night terrors. Ivy said she's got the same issues and they both do that. She said that both of them were screaming at the top of their lungs one night recently.
Howard didn't believe that this was true and asked Ivy if she'd have sex with him on the show. She said that Benjy actually audio taped them doing some stuff. Howard wanted to hear that and then told Benjy to consider taping them having sex. Howard let Ivy go a short time later. Artie told her to do some vacuuming while she's there. She laughed and said goodbye a short time later. She was a completely different person this morning.
Howard said he has to get to this naked game show thing with John the Stutterer. He had to take a break first.
Artie said that he kind of freaked out because of something that's happened to him since he got so fat. He said that he got in the shower and lifted up his arms to wash his hair. He heard a ting on the shower floor and it turned out to be a quarter. He said it could have only been wedged in between his stomach folds. He said that he must have put them in his pocket and one got wedged in there and it fell out in the shower this morning.
Artie demonstrated how he can put a pen in the fold and it'll stay there. He said that when he heard the ping in the shower he couldn't believe that a quarter fell out. Howard said he had a shoe to stick in the fold if he wanted. Fred gave him some coins from his pocket and Artie stuck them in there to demonstrate how it happened. Howard said that he could keep his money in there to keep it safe. Artie said he could probably store his weed in there. Artie said that he couldn't believe that happened.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to play a game with Artie and have him get on the scale to compare him to what other fat celebrities weighed when they died. Artie didn't want to get on the scale and said he knows about what he weighs. He was eating cookies and said that he was depressed and didn't want the healthy meal that had just shown up. He was washing down the cookies with soda.
Howard figured that the coin incident would make him want to lose weight, but he didn't care about that now. He was just eating more.
Will came in and sprayed John with a dildo. John asked him not to do that because he's anemic. Howard had John show off his ass to Robin. She giggled while Artie said that he looks like Imus. She said that he's also ''very white.'' John said that he's doing this for the good of the show.
Will was smacking John with something and he kept asking him to stop. John kept saying that he was doing this for the good of the show. Howard told him he knows, he has to stop saying that. John kept going though.
Howard said that John is going to ask some Rock and Roll trivia questions. He wanted to know if anyone wanted to play naked. No one there even wanted to come in and play. Even Richard and Sal were nowhere to be found. Gary said that when John stutters his balls are bouncing around.
Howard said he was giving John $500 courtesy of Beeceuticals which is one of their sponsors. Gary said he wanted to play the game so Howard let him play.
Howard interrupted and said he heard that Artie had given a chick a room keep at a bar he was at up in Boston. Artie said that it was the other way around, she gave him a room key. She called him and he went down there and fooled around with her. He didn't bang her, he just fooled around a little bit. He said she was hot and he'll keep her number. He said she was very nice.
Howard said that John's penis looks like an earthworm with different colors and rings around it. John said that he's got high blood pressure and he's been pale for years. He has anemia and he's just fucked up.
Howard had John get into his game. John said ''Okay'' a few times and tried to ask his first trivia question. The guys were goofing on the coloring of his penis the whole time though. John asked a question that Howard didn't know the answer to. Robin, Artie and Fred all tried to answer but no one knew. Gary didn't get it either.
John said that he made the questions difficult so he could win a prize. He said they were legitimate questions. Robin said that no one cared though. John went into another question that no one cared about. They all said that the questions were boring. Howard said they have to have someone write them for him.
john said that the questions are great. He went into another one and asked Fred the question about a guitarist who was the only one known to have played on a Jimi Hendrix recording while he was still alive. The guys threw out some names and Fred got it with the answer of Dave Mason. Gary said that no one cares about these questions though.
Howard cut John off and gave him a $500 prize. He wanted to wrap up the game and didn't want to let John ask anything else. John was trying to tell the guys some stuff but Howard kept cutting him off saying it was time to go. He'd let him go on and on a little bit but then he'd cut him off again. He eventually went to break.
Howard read through the article and found a paragraph where they talk about him being on some AM station and how they can't believe that because he's like the greatest shock jock of all time. Howard said that this is the guy who once said that they should assassinate more black leaders so we could get a whole week off. They also claim that Howard is the one who says worse things on the air than that guy every did.
Howard read about some of the other crazy stuff Greaseman said to get himself kicked off the air. Howard read them and wondered why someone would think he's great after reading that stuff. He continued reading the article and said he can't imagine hiring either Greaseman or Imus to do radio shows.
Howard said that there's an article where they claim that the only reason Howard has Robin on the show is because he's racist and he's trying to cover it up by having her on the show. He said that's demeaning and just not true. Now Imus is going to be working with a black woman on his new radio show.
Howard said that he's off the Ambien then. He said that it was weird how they gave this guy the Ambien. He would wake up and moan during the night and this one person wanted to give him a good night's sleep so they gave him Ambien and he woke up.
Howard said that he was telling Larry how proud he was of the show there at SIRIUS. He said he was also talking about Imus and how he'd tell his audience to go listen to his awful show to see how long they could handle it. He said it's like riding a bull in a rodeo. He said he was asked if he would stay there when his contract is up. Howard said he would consider it, but that doesn't mean he's going to stay.
Steve said that the AP released this story and he was just reporting on it. He wasn't saying that there's definitely anything going on there. Steve went off on Robin for a few seconds about that. He got back into his report and talked about part of the article where Alan Alda came by and swapped some chess moves with him. Howard said that the report was kind of wrong because he just told Alda that he should play against humans when he plays chess. Alan told him he doesn't want to play against humans because he's got an addictive personality and he'd be playing all the time. Howard said he gave Alan one move when he was on his way out of the restaurant and that was it. He said Alan was impressed with his answer and that was it.
Howard said that the story was boring and he wouldn't have brought it up himself. Steve thought Howard was saying that the McShane article wasn't true. Howard said that he was just giving details of what actually happened.
Steve said that the Connecticut School of Broadcasting hasn't gotten back to Artie since they dropped the idea of having him there to speak for the class. Artie said that the guy who suggested the idea to them up there has been fired and he feels really bad for them now. He said that he thinks that they're afraid that they're going to make fun of them or something. Artie said that he heard about them on Howard's show and Howard said that they're a sponsor of theirs. Artie said that he feels sorry for this kid who got fired and he's going to try and help him out. He doesn't know all of the details but he has been fired since suggesting that they have him up there.
Howard said that people are nuts. He said that really makes him angry and nuts. He'd like to know more about the story though.
Steve and Robin were still going back and forth with little jabs over their earlier fight. Steve got back into his news preview and said that they have a story about the Ralph Free day last week and some feedback from him from Hawaii. Steve got in some plugs for John the Stutterer's show and for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's airing at midnight. He's having Joe Rogan on as his guest tonight.
Jon Hein came in and said they'll be talking about JD's discussion about his reunion with his mother. They'll also talk about Benjy and Ivy Supersonic's relationship. That led to Howard talking to Benjy about his breakup with his girlfriend Sheila. Benjy said he started dating other women in June so that's about when it ended. He said that it was a mutual break up though. Howard said that he must have been glad that they had broken up when he and Ivy got together. Benjy said that wasn't true, he still loves Sheila.
Jon said that they'll also talk about the John the Stutterer game show and how badly that went. Artie said that was one of the worst bits ever. Jon said that they'll talk about all of that and more today on the Wrap Up Show.
The NAB claims that they don't compete with satellite radio but then they pull that kind of crap and it proves that they do compete.
Howard talked about some stuff he saw on TV over vacation. Oprah was giving away more stuff to her audience members. He said that Jason looped together some of the screaming and crying on her show and you'd think that Jesus had just dropped in.
Sal came in and said that he was forced to watch Oprah's show and they give away crap on just about every show. They talked about some of the stuff that she's given away lately and went through a whole list of stuff. They give away cheap stuff and expensive stuff. it ranged from sorbet to a $3800 refrigerator. Howard said that they could do something like that on his show and give away toothpicks, wet wipes, nose clippers and stuff like that.
Sal also revealed that he learned how to play Chess over the vacation and he thinks that it's just like a glorified version of checkers. He said he's beaten his son twice now and he's ready to play Howard. He said that he might have to play high Pitch Eric first and then the winner will get to play Howard. Howard said that's the way they should do it.
Howard read through some e-mail from some fans who were upset with him for learning chess. He said that this one guy went off on him about it and said that it's an elitist thing to do. Howard said that it's actually a poor man's game and he's not sure what the guy is talking about.
Sal said that he had never tried chess before and he now knows how to play it after just a week. He said that he and his 8 year old son learned it in about 25 minutes. Sal said it would be great if he was able to beat Howard after just learning to play last week. Howard said he'd honor him if he was able to do that after such a short time.
Artie asked Sal how he learned how to do it. Sal said he sat down with his uncle who had a nice wooden set. He said he asked his uncle how to play and he was helping him out by giving him some hand signals and stuff at first. He knows how to play now on his own. He told Howard he knows how to do everything but then Howard stumped him when he asked him if he knows how to castle. Sal said he wasn't sure about that one.
Sal said that he thinks that Howard has blown this whole game out of proportion and he doesn't need to use all of the fruity terms that he uses to describe the game. Howard said that he can't wait to play a game of glamorized checkers against Sal. He said that you have to know how to play the game to know what's going on so Sal may not have been playing chess at all, he may have been playing checkers with a chess set.
Howard said that when he heard that money falling out of his belly story, he knew that Artie needed a nickname. Artie said that was really depressing. Howard had Robin get back into her news after having some fun with that Beef nickname thing. Howard was still laughing about the quarter falling out of Artie's belly. He said it would be funny if that was a spot where he could get money from at any time. Whenever he needs change he could just lift his belly and a quarter falls out.
Howard took some calls and one woman didn't know the whole story about Benjy and Ivy so she asked Howard about that. He told her that she's got to listen to the show and hung up on her. another caller asked Howard what happened to his dog Java. Howard said that she's still alive and living with his ex-wife. He said that he didn't want to take her away from the kids when he divorced. The dog is about 10 years old now.
Howard took a call during the news and the guy told Howard that Joe Kennedy had died last week and he was a friend of Bubba and Spice Boy. They were apparently pretty upset last week after they got the news.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he was trying to move some drugs around and he was hoping to get Artie to help him out by renting out some space under his belly flap. Artie said that he'd do it if he needed the money on the side. Howard said that he's pretty sure that they wouldn't check his belly flaps at the airport. Artie said he's flown a lot lately and they really have some dolts working at the airports as security. He said that they're really clueless. Howard asked Artie how funny it would be if all of the missing bees were hiding in Artie's belly flap.
Robin read a story where she brought up Rose Kennedy. That led to Howard, Artie and Fred all doing their Kennedy impressions. Howard was throwing out his ''Er-uh'' comments and goofing on the Kennedy's for a few minutes. Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard while he was doing that and asked her some questions as Ted Kennedy. Wendy didn't know she was supposed to be playing along though. She said she thought she was talking to Howard, not Ted Kennedy. Howard had to let her go but she told him that she's in love with Scott Ferrall. Howard told her he's a great guy and hung up on her.
Howard had Robin get back to her news and said that Governor Schwarzenegger will be calling in on Wednesday to talk about some stuff that's going on out there in California. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
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Howard started off the show talking about all of the stuff they had to get to this morning. He's got a bunch of stuff. He said they have a Playboy model coming in. As he was talking about that he saw Robin's new glasses and he wasn't sure about them. He told her they were kind of Swifty Lazar looking. Robin said she's trying a couple of different pairs. She showed the second pair and he said they look like something from Waylon Flowers and Madam. He said that they were a little too much for her. He said that they make a statement like ''I wear glasses and I love it!''
Robin put on the first pair so Howard told her to stick with those. He really didn't like the second pair. He had her put those back on and took another look. Fred said he digs those. Artie said they make her look like she deals crack. Howard said they look like something out of Star Trek. They were like a grill for her eyes. Artie told her she looks like Charles Nelson Riley.
Howard said he was thinking about Artie's belly making change yesterday and it was cracking him up. Artie said he was walking through the neighborhood and some construction guys asked him for change.
Howard got back to Robin's glasses and spent a little more time talking about how odd that second pair looked. Artie said they really were like Charles Nelson Riley sized glasses. He said Cuba Gooding Jr. wears some that look similar in ''American Gangster.''
Artie said that he likes living in New York because you have to interact with people all the time. Out in L.A. you don't have to do that. Howard said that's what he doesn't like about New York and he'd probably like living in L.A.
Robin said she really didn't like the little glasses anymore and that's why she went with the big ones. She was also telling Howard that she watched Dancing with the stars last night and got caught up in that stupid show. She said that Marie Osmond really is a klutz. She said that her whole family was there and so were the Spice Girls. She wasn't sure what was going on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the glasses Robin has are very stylish right now. He said that they're all very ''bling'' and oversized. Another caller said he was listening to the replay this morning and he was laughing so hard that he was crying. Howard said he's been listening to the show too and the show really is funny. He was listening yesterday and heard Artie say something as Ted Kennedy that made him laugh really hard. It was something about the special Olympics being called the ''dumb dumb Olympics.''
Howard said they have this Playboy model Leticia Cline coming in today and she's so hot. He showed some pictures to Artie and both of them were drooling over her. She's willing to get naked for them today.
Artie said he was reading a book about the Ron Wood from the Rolling Stones and how he was broke from using drugs by 1984.
Howard played an old prank call that Sal and Richard made to a deli using George Takei audio clips since they were talking about the whole deli thing earlier.
Howard said that Sal must know that it's much harder than he thought it was. Sal said that it was and he was humbled last night. He's been playing on Yahoo so Howard told him to try playing on the ICC where he plays.
Sal said he thought he had the basic game down but that guy who beat him really taught him that he doesn't know much. He said that the moves the guy made came out of nowhere. Robin said that Sal was saying that the one thing he learned over the holiday was to protect his king. He said that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday.
Sal said that the guy who got cocky with him was only at about an 1100 and he really killed him in the game. Sal said he thinks that he can play Howard in the new year. By then he'll be prepared to play against him. Howard thinks that High Pitch Eric can beat him at this point. Sal said he thinks that he could beat Eric, he can't be that good.
Artie said that he knew a guy who played Chess at lunch and he was really good at it. It just comes to some people pretty easy. He said that he was really good at speed chess but Howard said that kind of chess is bullshit. He said you don't have to analyze that kind of game like you do in slower matches.
Sal said he's not going to join the ICC yet, he doesn't want to give away any of his tactics. He said he's going to be doing some research and trying to prepare to play against Howard. He was talking about some of the stuff he was learning by playing the games last night and he thinks that it could be too much work for him to keep an eye on the other player's moves.
The caller suggested that they play a game where Sal shoves a chess piece in his pouch and someone like High Pitch has to guess what piece it is.
Howard took a couple more calls and one guy asked about the camel toe on the chick Juliana on Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said that she wasn't wearing a great outfit and that led to the judges paying too much attention to her partner's dancing moves. He wasn't that good last night because she looked so good.
JD got all upset when Gary asked why he doesn't have him come up when they're all there. JD said he doesn't like mixing his family with work. Chuck was basically saying that he likes to goof on JD because he likes to see the look on his face when he does that. Artie said it sounds like his father just doesn't like him. Maybe both of his parents don't like him.
JD came in and said that it does seem like his father wants to be a celebrity. He said he doesn't want to see his parents there, he never sees anyone else's parents on the air other than Howard's. Artie said that his mother would stop calling in if he asked her to do it. JD's father doesn't stop calling in no matter how often he asks him to stop. Howard said they should give Chuck his own show, that would really freak JD out.
Howard said that kind of stuff is psychological and if they can't get off on your penis alone, there's something wrong there. Robin said that it is physical as well and you can get off even if you're being raped.
Benjy asked Howard what he would use if he had to get a woman off with either his penis or hand. Howard said he'd use his penis. Benjy said he's more confident with his hand. He said he can do that for a long time. Howard said that Ivy was saying yesterday that she can get off with whatever Benjy does to her.
Howard said he's seen Benjy do stuff to chicks and he does try hard. He went down on a stripper one time with a cookie wrapper as protection. Artie said that happened to him one time, he saw a really gross guy doing something to a stripper and it freaked him out.
Robin asked Benjy how he can do that in front of his co-workers. Benjy said that he did it because he was in the moment, he wasn't doing it in front of everyone so they could see him.
Gary came in and told the story about the cookie wrapper thing and how weird that night was. He said that he thinks that Benjy may have either peed in his underwear or blew his load in his pants. He said that there was one moment when Benjy was sitting there with a woman and he had the oddest look on his face. He said that he later heard that Benjy may have been getting whacked off by that woman as he was leaving.
Artie said he saw Benjy one night and he had his hand in a group of people and he had that weird look on his face. Brian Phalen from Howard TV came in and said that a stripper once showed him what Benjy did at that bachelor party and showed him the load she had in her hand.
Howard said that he went home and shaved down his bush last night. He said he was freaked out by John the Stutterer's unshaved bush and he didn't want to look like that at all. He said that everyone has to see that on Howard TV. As much as everyone says they hate the gay stuff, they love watching it on Howard TV. He said they get the biggest number of viewers.
Howard said that John was saying on the Wrap Up Show that he was hoping to find some women by going in there naked. He played a clip of John talking about that and explaining why he did the nude thing yesterday. John said he thought that he could find some good looking women by doing that. At least one good looking woman he hoped. He threw in some references to a woman wanting him to lick and smell her asshole and pussy which grossed everyone in the studio out.
Howard said that he had another clip from the Wrap Up Show where Richard was talking about eating an artichoke when he went out to eat one night recently. He said he ate it and had something poking him in the mouth. He kept eating it even though it was cutting up his throat and mouth. Howard said that must have been an entertaining thing to watch.
Eric said that it looks like Howard is the one who is going to fail on this project. Howard said he doesn't care that much about this project. Eric said that he's written about 4 pages of the script so far. Howard told him that's only about 4 minutes and he needs to get into production on this thing.
Eric said that he'll have the script done before they go on their Christmas vacation. Howard said that doesn't mean that he's going to make the movie, he has to like the script. Eric said that Will has the 4 pages. He's not going to be making anything that they've talked about already. He's doing a ''take off on Charlie's Angels'' and he will be in the movie. He's going to play the part of Charlie.
Howard said he wanted Eric playing James Bond or something. Eric said that's too physical for him though. Robin said that's the whole idea. Artie was trying to help him out and said that they should do something like ''Charlie's little Angles'' where they have all of the little people on the show playing the angels. They could have Eric the Midget, Beetlejuice and that thalidomide guy who was on the show.
Artie came up with some ideas for that script and threw them out to Eric. Eric didn't seem to like them though. Artie could play Charlie and Fred would be Bosley. Artie said he was just trying to help Eric out with this whole thing but he didn't seem to want it.
Howard said that he was rejecting this script based on the fact that Charlie isn't supposed to be seen in the movie. He wants Eric to play an action part and not someone who can just sit there. Eric said that he's hoping to get some SAG recognition and the Screen Writers Guild recognition for it.
Howard threw out some more ideas for Eric to do a gladiator movie where he could be in the gladiator chariot or something.
Artie asked him if he's just doing this because he wants to get in the union. Eric said that is a big part of it. He was also saying that he wants someone to play his girlfriend in the movie and she's not available until May. He said that he has someone in mind and he wasn't saying who it was. He's given up on the girl he was trying to get a few weeks ago because she went back and slept with her old boyfriend.
Eric said he met her on Stickam.com. Howard didn't know what that was so he asked Eric what it was. He said it's a video chat site and he had a camera on him as they were talking.
Howard found out that Eric was going after a high school senior and told him how creepy that was. Eric is 32 years old and he's going after an 18 year old.
Howard said that he wants Eric to get back to work on his script and he really wants him playing a major role in it. He knows what the audience wants from him.
Howard was about to hang up but Johnny was saying that he loved that replay of the Jan Michael Vincent interview last week. Howard said that guy was great on the show. They talked about how good looking that guy was before he got into his accident. Artie said he was out at a bar out in L.A. years ago and Jan actually fell off a bar stool into his hands.
Johnny said that it sounded like Howard didn't know where he was going with that interview back then. Howard said that they really didn't know where they were going that day with that interview.
Howard let Johnny go and took some other phone calls. One guy was telling Artie that he has a pick service for betting and he's at 81 percent with his picks. Howard asked the guy for some picks for this weekend so he can bet them but the guy wasn't prepared to do that. Howard told the guy to call in tomorrow and give him a lock on something for this weekend. The guy told him he might need to hold off until Thursday. Howard said he doesn't want to know how he does the picking, he just wants a lock and some free money.
Robin said that Larry seemed fine to her when she was on the show recently. Howard said he was on about a year ago and Larry couldn't take his eyes off of Beth. He said that Larry went up to her and asked her to sit in the studio while he worked. He was insisting that she sit in and watch him even though she didn't want to. Howard said that she did come in and tell him that he did a great job and Larry made a beeline right to her when she came in.
Artie said that he's had guys take girls from him when he's talking to them. Howard said that's happened to him when guys come up and push him out of the way to talk to Beth. Artie said that he realizes that he has to get his chick out of there when something like that happens.
Howard said that he had a pretty famous guy come up to Beth and tell her she was beautiful just feet away from his wife. He said that Beth said that the guy looked like he wanted to eat her because he was so into her. It was really weird according to Howard. Robin said Howard did that to a woman once and tried to steal her away from her man. Howard said that he did have a married woman once but that wasn't the story Robin was thinking about.
Artie said that if he had one chance to do that to someone, he'd pick some huge asshole's wife to steal away. Howard said that he was out to dinner with this famous guy and the guy asked him what she was doing with him. The guy didn't get the whole thing. Howard said he couldn't believe the guy asked him something like that. He said the guy was a douche bag. He couldn't get out of there soon enough.
Howard said the story was kind of funny and he did laugh that night but the guy was still a douche bag. He said he had another woman tell him that she couldn't believe she was having a good time with him. She had been with other hot guys and she was surprised that she had a good time with someone like him. He said he finished up with her and got out of that as quick as possible.
Artie said he hates when women tell him that they're so sick of good looking guys and that's why they're with him.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he thinks that Larry King thinks that he's got a shot at someone like Beth because she fell for someone like Howard. Howard said that's exactly what Larry was probably thinking.
Artie said that he worked with Rebecca Gayhart on a movie one time and he thought that she was kind of into him. He said that the crew thought he was nuts and he never made the move on her. Then, six months later, he saw her out with Brett Rattner and Brett looks just like him. He said that she's now with a hot guy but back then she was with someone who looked like him. He knows that he should have taken the shot back then. He said that she was so good looking back then. Howard said that if she had left him though, he would have killed himself. Artie said that's probably true.
Robin said that she saw Gena Lee Nolin talking about how she's happy being fat now on some show last night. Robin said she gets pissed at women like that when she hears them blaming Hollywood for making them thin. They find a man to take care of them and then they fatten up. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
Howard said that he's been watching ''America's Greatest Next Band'' lately. Robin told him to stop with all of these shows he's watching. He went on to play a Baba Booey song based on that Robert Plant song they were just playing.
Howard said that the phones are screwed up again this morning. He said that they're blaming the phone company but it happens very often. Gary came in to talk about that but Robin's glasses distracted him. He said that they make Robin's eyes look bigger. Fred said that's true and she looks like Mr. Magoo when he'd put his glasses on. Howard said they had pictures of those new glasses up on his web site this morning.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Howard told her that Artie was talking about how hot she was looking at his show the other night. Lisa said she was all dolled up and wearing contacts that night. She was wearing her ''going out on the town'' makeup that night too. She said she wasn't really feeling anything for Artie that night though.
Howard asked Lisa to tell them what's in the news but then asked her if she only dates black guys because that caller had asked about that earlier. She said that's not true at all. She quickly changed subjects and said that Robin is all dressed up and she's wondering if that's for Jim Florentine. Robin said that's not the case. That led to Lisa and Robin talking about the stuff she was wearing and how her nips were poking out. Fred did his Jim impression and made some references to her ''shrug'' and to her nips saying that ''the turkey's done.''
Howard said he wasn't sure if he liked what Robin was wearing. He had her come into the studio to show off her look. He had her spin around and said that she looked half the size that she used to be.
Artie was doing his Harry Caray impression making fun of Robin in her giant glasses. Robin said that he was ruining her glasses by doing that. Lisa G was laughing her ass off and said that she used to live in Chicago so that's why she was laughing so hard.
Robin asked Lisa what she thought about the glasses. Lisa told her that they were a little too big. Artie kept going with the impression so Howard told the guys to put up a picture of Harry up next to Robin on the web site. Fred played some actual audio of Harry Caray and got Artie into it even more.
Lisa said they have a story about Robin going out to lunch with Jim Florentine and the two kissed. Robin said that it was just a peck. She also seemed kind of upset that she only had lunch with him. Howard asked her if it's weird to kiss Jim Florentine. She said that it really was just a peck and it wasn't weird at all.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that the glasses are a little too much for Robin. She needs a little bit of tint in them and that would help. Howard said he kind of likes one pair, the pair that doesn't have all the bling on it.
A phone caller asked Lisa what she was wearing for panties this morning and if she had her leopard g-string on. She wasn't going to say exactly what she was wearing but did say that she wasn't wearing the leopard print.
Lisa got back to her news report and said that they have a story about Gary going out on the ice with the Islanders at a hockey game. She also has a story about JD's brother who was in the best friend box on his father's Myspace account.
Howard asked Harry what he thinks would happen if they do read the book. Harry said he thinks that the book is compelling and they would get into it if they read it. The book is 400 pages long though. Benjy said that he would do it. Harry said that he wants his honest opinion too. The book would take about 20 hours to read according to Benjy and he said he'd get it read by tomorrow if he can give him a bonus.
Fred said he wouldn't do it for less than $2000. Harry seemed to be fine with that. Gary asked if the interns are in the mix. Howard said he guesses they are. Meredith the Intern came in and said that she would read it for $500. Howard asked Harry if he was cool with that. He said that was fine with him but he'd rather have Benjy read it.
Will came in and said that he'd do it for $400. Benjy went down to $399 and then Meredith said she'd go to $250. Howard told Harry that it was still someone on staff if she read it. He said that she doesn't really have his ear like Benjy or Will would. Artie said that he'd read the whole book by tomorrow for $20. He was just being a dick though.
Howard had the guys bidding on the read and Benjy came in at $300 after a few minutes. Harry said that he'd rather have Benjy than Meredith since Benjy did have Howard's ear. Artie said he felt bad for Meredith and wanted to get her some money. Howard told him to write something and have her read it then.
Howard said he has a script from Isaac that he hasn't read yet and he feels shitty about that but he can't get to it. Howard said he really wants to get to the script but he just doesn't have the time to do it. Isaac came in and Howard told him he was sorry about that. He said he wants to throw it in the garbage because it's been sitting on his desk for almost a year now. He said he loves the guy but he can't make the time for it.
Isaac said that everyone he's given the script to has told him it's great. He said that Gary, Will and Artie's ex-manager said that he liked it. Howard said he's going to give it to his agent and see if he can have someone over there read it.
Isaac asked Howard to just read the script for a half hour. Howard said he can't do that and said that he has to make it into a movie and he'll watch it. Isaac said that the movie is about some 20 year olds coming of age in New York City and it's kind of autobiographical but not really. He said that he didn't set out to write an autobiography. The script took him about 7 years to write. He said that he was told that the script was really good and got some help with it from a guy that Howard knows. Howard said he might have to ask him about the script. He said he's done with movie production after this Porky's movie remake that he's working on.
Howard asked if there's any action in the script. Isaac said that there is action, nudity and everything else in there. It's called ''The Golden Life'' and he wouldn't hand Howard a script that he thought sucked. Artie said that reading scripts is a lot of work and he still hasn't read ''Dirty Work.''
Artie said that he doesn't bother reading the whole script. He's just happy when they put him in a movie or a TV show. He said he used to get pissed when they'd give him huge parts in the Norm Show. He said that he just wanted to say hello and walk off stage when they were doing that show. He said that now he has Teddy to read some scripts and stuff like that.
Isaac said he's writing another script that has Howard in it so Howard said that maybe he'll wait for that one to get finished.
Howard said they'd call Harry back about this deal when they work things out. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said he really wouldn't want all of that responsibility running a business like a radio station. He said that he's just the talent and he's a worker. He'd rather work for other people and not be the business owner. He said he wants to be the guy who hates the owner, not the guy that people hate. He said that he doesn't really own anything there at SIRIUS even though Bubba thinks that he's his boss. He said that he's not the kind of guy who can tell a guy that they can't pay him to do his job. He said he respects what he does too much to do that to a guy.
Howard created a conversation with clips of Bubba the Love Sponge and Tim Sabean to show what a meeting would be like if he were running a radio station. He said he really doesn't want to be ''the man'' like that. He can't imagine owning a station. He'd have people like Meg Griffin hating him for not letting her play the music she wants to play. That led to Artie and Howard creating conversations that could have happened at stations back in the 80s if Howard was running the station and Meg was working for him. He and Artie were telling the imaginary Meg to play songs that she'd probably hate like ''Come On Eileen,'' ''The Kommissar'' and some other awful songs from the early 80s.
Howard said that the other jocks on NBC made him jealous back then because they could hit the post on the songs so well. He did some impressions of them talking up songs like ''Mickey.'' Howard said that it was an awful time for music back then. Fred threw in some more awful 80s songs like ''99 Luft Balloons'' and ''Rock Me Amadeus'' after Artie mentioned that one.
Howard talked about working at WNBC and some of the weird stuff that went on there after his show. He talked about some of the other jocks who worked there. Fred was throwing in a few other songs from back then and bringing Howard back to his WNBC days.
Howard said that he used to go into Pig Vomit's office and he'd have to hear how great Imus was at talking up songs. Pig Vomit wanted him to be more like Imus, he had no idea he had a genius working for him. Artie said that WPLJ was huge back then and Howard said he could have gone there. He said they wanted him to play 12 songs an hour though so he had to turn down that offer.
Howard said that they used to use the Hill Street Blues theme song to save them at some points. Fred threw in some of the WNBC jingles that they used to use over there. He played one of those so Howard could talk up ''Safety Dance.'' Howard blew it and talked over the post. He threw in a few too many references and blew it. Fred gave him another jingle and went into Duran Duran's ''Rio'' which Artie thought was a great one from back then.
Howard said he used to try and make Pig Vomit happy by talking up the songs and throwing in the WNBC call letters but he always did it wrong.
Fred had some old clips from Howard's show when they had Big Ron sitting in for him when he was out sick. Howard said that Howard lost his voice on his first day because he hated it so much. He hated everything in his life at the time and wanted to kill himself.
Howard said he never wanted to talk up songs so that just wasn't his thing to be doing that all afternoon. He said that he'd screw up the talk up and then he'd have Pig Vomit come into the studio and throw a phone. He'd get yelled at for saying ''NBC'' instead of ''WNBC.'' He'd also get yelled at for complaining about the shitty music they'd play.
Howard said he had to take a break but kept going talking about the old days. He said that he didn't want to deal with all of that bullshit back then so that's why he never owned a radio station. He took another phone call from a guy who said that he remembers an old Letterman episode from back when he was at WNBC and begging them to pay him some decent money at the time. Howard said he went on Letterman and begged them to fire him. He said that they were billing like $5 million a year and they weren't paying him what he was worth. He said that Letterman loved those appearances back then because he was going off on his parent company.
Howard said that all of these radio stations could have gotten rid of him if they had just pooled some money together and paid him to stay off the radio.
Artie said he was kind of upset because Robin had taken the Harry Caray glasses off. She said she went on the web site and saw just how big they were and they are too big. Gary told her to put one on top of the other. Robin said she's going to downsize them. Artie went into his Harry Caray impression again and goofed on Robin's glasses for a couple more minutes.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they do a Harmeyer Brothers show on Howard 101. Lisa mentioned JD's brother earlier and said that he stammers just like JD so they'd make a great radio show. Howard said he'd listen to that. Artie was still doing his Harry Caray impression and making references to stuff that Robin has done in the past. Howard had to cut him off and go to break.
Howard played a clip where Chuck was talking about how he's been slimming down a little bit and has been drinking a lot of water. He had to run to the bathroom at one point and the guy in the bathroom went to shake his hand as he was taking a leak at the urinal. He wanted to punch the guy out and asked him if he was out of his mind asking to shake his hand with his cock in his hand. He said he'd shake his hand if he had gone over and washed it, but he didn't even do that.
Howard said that Chuck also talks about how much he hates being slapped on the back. He played a clip of Chuck talking about how he had some guys ask to take pictures with him. One of the guy smacked him on the back and he really didn't appreciate it. He said that he told the guy not to do it a third time or he'd be playing baseball with him. Chuck's buddy told him he shouldn't have even given him that much of a chance.
Artie asked Howard if he knew what it was that AJ Benza had done to Chuck that got him punched out. Howard wasn't quite sure what it was but AJ knew that he deserved a beating and went and took it like a man. Chuck punched him out and told him they were square after that.
Howard said he had another clip where Chuck and his co-host talked about a hot chick they had seen out at a club. She showed up at Scores and Chuck claims he took her home. He said that he wasn't able to get inside her because she was so tight. He said she was so tight that he wasn't able to get in even after using some Hawaiian Tropic and Vaseline. chuck tried to get into her ass too but that didn't work so it ended up in her throat.
Howard said he knows a guy who suffered through that same thing and it turns out the woman was a lesbian. Howard said this guy he knew had a black and blue penis from trying to bang her dry.
Howard said that they sent in JD to ask her out in the green room while she was out there. She said he did that and she thought it was a joke. Howard said they were going to play a game with the tape. He asked if anyone thought that she was going to give JD her phone number. Robin said she was going to say yes to that. Howard said there's no way that happened. Artie said he thinks that she gave him a number. Fred said that maybe it was her agent's phone number but she probably gave him something. Howard said there's no way he gave her any number.
Howard said he was just going to play the tape. Gary came in and said that they sent two guys in there, High Pitch Mike and JD. Mike went first and pitched a show idea to her instead of asking her out. Mike came in and said that he had 3 people telling him what to do. He said he was told to use whatever he could to get that date.
Howard told Mike that he was supposed to just ask her out. Mike said he did that at the end. He played the tape and you could hear Mike talking to her about going on the show and then telling her about a TV project that he's pitching. He told her that she might be perfect for the show. Howard cut off the clip and Artie told him that he's just a creepy guy. Mike said he was trying to bullshit her like he's heard guys do. He said he had three people telling him what to do so that didn't help either.
Howard said that JD went in and tried to get her number too. He played the clip where he goes in and tells her that he was the one who got the mail and forwarded it to the guys to book her for the show. Leticia tells him how nervous she is and JD talked to her about some of the other radio shows she's done. JD was asking her if she was going to be back in town and then said he'd like to take her out and get her number. She laughed and said she'd go to lunch with him. She gave him her card with her number on it.
Artie said he knew that she thought it was a joke and she gave it to him as a goof. Howard asked Leticia about the card and what number is on it. Gary said that he called the number and it did ring her cell phone so it was a legitimate number. Robin said that Howard owed her some money but he said he never bet on it.
Leticia said that she thought it was a joke and she was just being nice to him by giving him the number. She said that she texted KC after that and he told her to tell everyone that she's his girlfriend. JD said he saw the pity in her eyes and he knew that it was a joke. Howard told him to just ask every chick for her number. He might get some numbers that way.
Leticia said that she lives in Florida and she gets hit on quite a bit these days. Howard said that she's really hot so he's not surprised. He asked her if she ever has sex with girls. She said that she hasn't but she almost got raped by a couple a few weeks ago.
Howard read that Leticia can't date black guys because her family would freak out. She said that's so true, she grew up in Kentucky and they'd all freak out. She said she didn't even have any black kids in school with her. She said she'd never be allowed to come home if she did date a black guy. She said that the neighbors are the ones she'd have to worry about, her family isn't all that bad.
Howard asked if she could bring a Jew home with her. She said that would probably be okay. Artie thought she was Jewish because her last name was Cline. Howard said it's spelled Cline though so it's not Jewish. She said that was her married name anyway and the guy wasn't Jewish.
Howard asked Leticia if she walks around on the beach in bikinis like she's wearing. She said that she does. Howard wondered if guys offer to buy her stuff when she's walking around like that. She said she never gets stuff offered to her like that.
Howard read that Leticia had a touch time with her father when she was growing up and she once punched him out to get him away from her. She said that he was a drunk and he used to get verbally abusive and she had to punch him to get him away from her.
Leticia started having sex when she was 16 and she was dating a guy in college when she was in high school. She said she likes to be choked when she's having sex. She said that it's great for an orgasm and it's supposed to make you cum even harder when you do that. Howard said he's never had a chick ask him to do that. He joked that he's used chloroform on a chick but then said that he's probably too loving.
Howard read that Leticia had dated Ian Ziering for a while. She said that he fell in love with her too fast and wanted her to go to Cabo with him like the day after they met.
Howard read that Leticia was an accountant for a few years. She said she did that for a few years and just started doing the modeling thing a few years ago. Howard said that he'd be doing his taxes all the time if he had an accountant that looked like her. He asked her some accounting questions and she knew what CPA meant but didn't know what an abatement was. She said she did some property management stuff and didn't know what that word was.
Howard asked her what a CD is. She said that she couldn't remember and said that she never really had to do that kind of stuff. She said she knew what a CD was but just couldn't remember it. She said she was nervous.
Howard found out that Ian got to feel up Leticia. She said that he never got to have sex with her though. She said that she doesn't have that many famous guys hitting on her, she spends a lot of time around motorcycle guys and stunt riders.
Howard asked Leticia what she does with her son while she's on the road. She said that he stays home with his father when she's out on the road. She said that he lives with her when she's home but stays with his dad when she's out on the road.
Gary asked Howard if they're going to get her clothes off at any point. She said that she never said she was going to get naked. Howard said that she has to show them something. Gary said that she has to get down to panties and take a Sybian ride. She said that she's not going to ride that thing. She never said that she was going to get naked, she just wanted to come in and say hello to everyone.
Howard asked Leticia to take something off for them. She did take her shirt off and Artie let out a ''Jesus Christ!'' when he saw her. He also threw out a pick up line of ''I'm white...'' since she's so against dating black guys. She said that her father doesn't hate fat guys so that wouldn't be a problem.
Howard read that she used to sell weed when she was a kid. She said that her grandfather used to have it on his farm and she'd go in and steal some to sell.
Howard had Leticia stripping down piece by piece and said that she's so hot that it must cause riots out on the beach when she's topless down there. She also had a couple of tattoos on her that Robin pointed out. Howard checked those out.
Howard read that Leticia claims that she's really good at phone sex. She said that she is because she dates guys who live far away and that's how she deals with it. She said that the guys don't really get into it as much as she gets into it. She said she loves messing with the guys and has fun with it.
Howard wanted to pretend that he was on the phone with her and having phone sex with her. She played along and tried to do it for a minute but then she started laughing and said she couldn't keep it up. She told Howard that she was wet while he was talking to her and then laughed. Howard told her to keep going with it and tried to keep her going. He was doing too much talking so Robin told him to calm down. He asked Leticia what she'd do to him and she started to get into some dirty talk but kept laughing.
Artie joked that he came twice during that phone sex thing. Howard was pretending that he was in her mouth and telling her that he loves that so much. He said he wanted to be inside of her and stuff like that. Leticia said she's never had a guy talk back to her like that before so she didn't know what to do. Howard was still doing the phone thing with his megaphone and told her that it seems like she hadn't wiped very well that day. He kept it going and she pretended that she had him in her.
Howard gave up and told JD to come in and give this a try. Artie gave it a try first. He asked her to talk dirty to him. She said about 3 words and he made a sound like he just blew his load and told her to get off the phone, he was going to go watch a game.
JD came in and Leticia said that she was mad at him for playing that joke on him earlier. He walked out a few seconds later. She said that she really thought he was a nice guy though and wasn't trying to chase him away. Artie said she was being condescending to him and that wasn't cool.
Leticia finally took her top off after a caller told Howard to make it happen. She talked about some of the work she's done over the years and Howard told her that guys must do some crazy stuff to her. He asked her if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She said she didn't want to do it on radio or on TV. Howard told her that there's no insertion or anything but she said she really doesn't want to do it. She said that she's pretty sure she'd get off instantly but she's very shy about that.
Artie asked Leticia if she didn't want to ride it because it was black. She didn't say and just kept going on and on about how shy she was. Artie said that he thinks that she should either have to ride that thing or make out with him. He told her he was going to put some Vicks Vapo-Rub on his lips to prepare for her.
Howard asked Artie if she's a 10. He said that where he comes from, she's an 11. Howard gave her some plugs for her web site, LeticiaCline.com, and said that she's in the December issue of Maxim. He checked out her panties again and then Artie asked her to make out with him. She said she didn't want to do that. Howard told her she could keep all the change she finds in his belly if she does make out with him. Artie told her that she'd have about 8 bucks if she did that.
Howard took a couple of calls and let some guys comment on Leticia. Some guys said that there have been some really big stars on that Sybian and even Cameron Diaz had been on it (not really). She fell for it and eventually caved in and went over to the machine to take it for a spin.
Gary took control of the Sybian and showed her where to sit. Gary turned on the machine and started turning it up. Leticia said that it was going to be hard to get her off. She said it tickled so much that she could barely sit on it. Howard told her that she's really sexy and the noises were turning him on. He told her to stay with it as long as she could. She said she didn't think she could take it but started moaning and laughing at the same time. She told Gary to turn it down but she couldn't stay on it any longer. She said that it happened and she did have an orgasm.
Howard said that she looked shaken up. She said she was and it wasn't such a bad ride. She was shaking after that and said her legs were really shaky. The caller on the line told her that Cameron Diaz was never on that thing and she said she had a feeling they were lying about that.
The caller also suggested they put her on the tickle chair. Howard asked her if she has to pee because they could put her in that and try to get her to laugh so hard she'd pee. The guys immediately brought out the tickle chair and shackled her into it. She said she likes being tied up and she's had a guy do that to her.
Will volunteered to do the tickling. Howard had him go over and do that while he asked her some accounting questions. He decided to skip the questions after coming up with the idea. He told Will to just go ahead and tickle her. Howard told her she was a bad girl and that's why Will was going to tickle her. He started to do it and she wasn't laughing. Will eventually found the spot and tickled her. He went at it for a minute and had her laughing a little bit. She calmed down again so Will had to search around for more spots with Gary helping out. Artie went over to help but he got nothing.
Howard asked Leticia about the sexiest place she's had sex. She said that she likes to do guys while they're driving their car. She also said that she's had sex with only 3 guys and she's done a guy in a movie theater. Howard said he likes that she's almost a virgin with only 3 guys. He found out that she had sex and gave the guy oral in the movie theater. She said that she climbed on top of the guy and there were only like 7 people in the theater at the time. She said it lasted maybe 6 minutes. Howard said that was a very long time to have sex in a theater.
Howard wrapped up with Leticia and asked her a couple more questions. He took one more call and the guy asked her if she was watching ''Beer League'' in the theater where there were only 7 people. Artie threw in a plug for the DVD version of the movie since the guy mentioned it. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back belching and wondering what Fred was just playing. He said that people have been writing in wondering where the naked girls are so that's what they just gave them. He said that the Miss Howard Stern TV show is doing really well on there. He said the final episode is coming soon. That's the one where she throws up French fries through her nose.
Howard asked Artie if he got Leticia's number during the break. He said she wasn't into him at all so he didn't get it.
Howard read that the final episodes of Battlestar Galactica may not be shot because of this writer's strike that's going on right now. He read an article about it and Robin wondered why they can't just wait for the strike to be over to finish it up. Howard wasn't sure, he said that it would be very upsetting to him if they didn't finish the series. Robin said she just started to watch the ''Razor'' episode, she did have it on her TiVo.
Artie said that he's going to be picketing for the writers strike tomorrow. He's also got a great gig today that he's going to be doing. He's going to do about 4 hours of one liners for a video game called Leisure Suit Larry. He said he's getting paid good money to do that. Howard said that the game is (was) a very popular video game that was kind of sexy about 20 years ago. He said that it's got to be the 50th edition of the game by now. Artie is going to be playing the part of ''Big Al'' in the game.
Howard said that he actually called Artie's union and told them to call him up for the picketing as a ruse to get him to exercise. He was kidding but it did sound like a good idea. Artie wondered if he has to write his own sign or if they'll give him one. He said they'd better give him one.
The guys talked about how cool the name of the band was. Artie thought it was great. Howard said the album title ''Metal Health'' was a cool one too. Fred played a few of their songs as Howard was reading through the article.
Howard read that the band broke up basically because of this guy Dubrow. They got back together a few times after that. Richard had come in to talk about the band and said that they were out at Rocklahoma this past summer. He said that they actually sounded good. He said Dubrow's voice was still good after all these years.
Howard finally found the article where he read that the guy had gone back to live with his mother. That was kind of depressing. The band's last album only sold 4000 copies. Howard said that maybe being a rock star isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Steve also said that they spoke to Jackie Martling about his Page Six article and he was saying that he never called Howard to get his job back. Howard said he knows that Jackie would take that job back if it was offered to him. Howard said he knows that Jackie called Tom Chiusano and asked for his job back months after he left. They had to turn him down because they had hired other people by that point.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric is looking for a new home because the place he's living in is being sold. He has to be out by this weekend. Artie said Eric showed up at a comedy gig over the weekend and he volunteered to go on stage. Everyone booed him and then Eric hinted that he needed some money so he said he'd give him a few bucks. Then he showed up at 7am yesterday asking for money. Artie said he feels really guilty when he doesn't pay someone but he realized he should just duck him and screw him over like Eric does to other people. He's not like that though so he had to pay the guy.
Steve said that 15 years ago today the first Howard Stern Interview debuted on E! TV. The first interview was with Garry Shandling.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show rundown. He said they'll be talking about Leticia Cline's interview today. Howard said his phone sex was apparently bad today and he talked to much. Robin said she was trying to tell him that when he was doing that. Artie said his phone sex led to premature ejaculation. Jon said that they'll also be talking about Harry Frank's interview and some other things that happened on the show today.
Robin started off her news talking about Hulk Hogan's pending divorce that came as a surprise to Hulk recently. The guys said they hadn't been listening to Bubba's show to hear what hulk is saying about the situation.
a caller asked Howard what he thinks about the Washington Redskins player, Sean Taylor, getting shot and killed. The guy thought that ESPN had kind of downplayed the whole thing because they were reporting that the guy was just shot in the leg last night. Howard thinks that they were just reporting on what they knew about it. Robin read some articles about that story after the guy brought it up.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and said that women are evil and that's why Hulk's wife left him. He said that once the guy is out of the lime light, that's when the women leave them. He told Howard that he should stay on the air for another 5 years after this current contract is up. He seemed to be hinting that Beth might leave him if he's out of the lime light.
Howard ended up getting back into his Ted Kennedy impression again during the news like he did yesterday. Artie threw out a line that kind of bombed, unlike yesterday when he was cracking Howard up. Robin mentioned that Kennedy is talking about writing a book so Howard went into a whole discussion, as Ted, about what he was going to write about in this book. He said he's going to leave out the whole marriage with Joan, and in the book Mary Jo Kopechne actually doesn't die. He said that he's going to kill off Joanie in the book instead. Artie did have a few lines, as Ted, that he threw in that cracked Howard up a little bit.
Howard had to take a break in the middle of the news. After the break we heard a prank call that the guys made using Ed McMahon audio clips. Howard came back and had Robin get back into her news. She read a few more stories about various things. She read a story about this guy Steve Fossett who disappeared months ago when he went off on an airplane flight. His wife is asking for the courts to declare him dead since they haven't been able to find him. Howard said that you'll never hear about him dying in an experimental plane or a balloon. He said he doesn't mind that he'll never go on adventures like that.
Artie was talking about this show Man Vs. Wild that he's seen a few times. He explained to Howard about what the guy does and how he brings a camera man with him into these wild areas. Howard took a call from a guy who said there's another guy who does a show called Survivorman who does something similar but he does the camera work himself so he's even crazier.
Robin talked about how there were stores opening up at 4 in the morning on the Friday after Thanksgiving to let people get their deals. Howard said that Beth actually bought him his Christmas present already and gave it to him already because she was so excited about it. Gary said that he saw people lining up outside his local Best Buy store at 8 o'clock on Thanksgiving eve so they could get tickets for the ''door buster'' deals that they had going on there the next day.
Howard also spent a few minutes talking about Bob Dylan music and how he gets bored with that stuff. He said there are some songs he kind of likes but they just go on and on and on. He had Fred playing ''Tangled Up In Blue'' because he kind of likes that one but the story just goes on and on. He said he needs an edit in that song. A short time later he was playing a Robin Williams clip and asking Fred to play the Dylan stuff instead. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show talking about his opening theme son ''Great American Nightmare'' and how it should have been a hit song. He said that the album, the Private Parts soundtrack, was a big selling album but the single wasn't all that big. He let out a belch at that point and thought it was pretty gross so he ended up changing subjects to his diet.
Howard said he gained a few pounds around Thanksgiving and now he's in full diet mode and trying to lose a few. Robin said that they're still waiting to find out when Artie is going to start in that mode. Artie said he's got other issues to figure out before that happens. He said that Thanksgiving night he was up watching TV and there's no way he can turn down meals like that.
Howard took a call from John Boy who said that he couldn't believe that Artie was going to put JD on his payroll yesterday. He has some concern about that because JD already has a job there watching TV. Howard said he's not concerned with it at all. Artie said it's just a weekend job anyway so it's not going to hurt his work there.
Another caller said that he was 41 years old and hadn't heard the show until he was 41. He said his father didn't let him listen to the show, even when he was like 30 years old. He said his father was someone in the construction business and he had to listen to what he said. He told Howard that his father passed away six months ago and he bought a SIRIUS radio so he could hear the show.
Howard said it sounds like this guy was with the Taliban or something. The caller said that his father would have cut him off from the money and all of that if he found out he was listening to the show. He didn't think he could hide it from him.
Howard asked the guy what else was hidden from his father. The guy said that he couldn't think of anything. He said he grew up pretty normal other than that. He said that his name was something similar to ''Dorleone'' but his name was actually changed. He said that this father was part of the crew that paved the parking lot over at the Meadowlands.
The caller asked Howard what was up with that guy Jackie who was on the show last week. Howard said he couldn't explain 20 years of radio to the guy. He told him that he can call back in once in a while but he didn't have time to run down the history of the show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that some other radio guys were upset with Leticia coming on the show yesterday. They were apparently upset that she was on Howard's show when they made her famous. Howard said that anything that those guys, Lex and Terry, are doing on their show is only possible because of his show. He said that he likes how they think that they're making people famous.
Howard said that he was reading about how this merger between SIRIUS and XM is being dragged out, probably because of him, and the NAB is pumping millions of dollars into a fight against it. He said that this company can't get an answer out of the government about the merger and they've been dragging it on for almost a year. No other merger has taken this long and even the Iraq war decision didn't take this long.
The caller told Howard that he listened to Howard down in Orlando and started to like the show after he heard him interview Willie Nelson. Howard cut him off and said that no one can accomplish what he did with his radio show across the country. No other radio guys can find that kind of success even in one market, never mind syndicating.
Howard let the guy go after he told Artie something about his catch phrase from MAD TV which was ''Don't make me break my foot off in your ass!'' Artie explained what that was about and said he'd bring in a copy so Howard could see what the guy was talking about. Artie said that it was supposed to be like a goof on the bad sitcoms that were on the WB and networks like that. He said that he doesn't wear black face or anything like that but he had taken over the personality of a black woman who he'd run over.
Howard said the guy turned out to be a really nice guy when they talked to him a couple of weeks ago. Artie said that the song really gets to him now that the guy has died. Shaw Blades has been covering his song in their concerts and Lonny was getting some recognition.
Howard played Lonny's version of the song and also played the Shaw Blades version that they performed on the show not too long ago. Howard said he wasn't sure what killed Lonny yet. He let the Shaw Blades version of the song play through after that.
Howard said that even the Bleeding Deacons performed a version of the song. There were a bunch of people who were inspired by that song. He played a couple of other versions of it that bands like Blue Collar sent in.
Benjy saw that Lonny had died of kidney failure complications. Lisa G came in and said the same thing. He was only 38 years old. Lisa said he had them from complications of diabetes. She said that she's not sure how long he'd had them. He'd had a couple of heart attacks and some other things thanks to the diabetes.
Howard said he was very sorry to hear that and gave his best to his family. Lisa also said that she spoke to Tommy Shaw last night and he said that they were saddened to hear that and their sympathies go out to his family. He also said something nice about how they have a new song writer up in heaven.
Howard said that he is really saddened by this story. He said that he wishes that he had something to say when people die but he's not much of a eulogy guy. He said he's seen some great eulogy's before and he just can't do it. Artie said he gave one at his father's funeral. He said that it went well that day for him.
Gary said that he's given a eulogy twice, once for his brother and the other for his father, and it really sucked. He did terrible at his brother's eulogy but his father's went great. Gary said he knew his brother's sucked but no one would say anything bad about it.
Howard said he can give a good one if he thinks about it for about a day. He tried to do one for Lonny and had to think about it a little bit. Howard went on to say he wanted to say something about someone who contributed to their show. He explained how they sometimes play stuff that the audience sends in. He said that this guy didn't even bring up the fact that he was that sick. He said he didn't burden them with his pain which is a nice thing.
Lisa G was tearing up at this point. She said she wanted to let Beth know about this. Howard said he actually e-mailed her this morning about it. Howard got back into his eulogy again after everyone had interrupted him. He said a few more words about him and then played some more of his original song. Artie started singing over the song saying that his kidney's had failed. Howard cut the song off after that.
Artie said that he loves being the one to give people the bad news that celebrities died. He said that he loves delivering that news for some reason. Robin said there's something seriously wrong with that. Howard said he feels the same way though. Robin said there's something wrong with both of them.
Howard took a call from a guy who was saying that the guy seemed really cool when he called in recently. Howard said he really was. They spent a couple more minutes talking about him and how much fun they had with that song he sent in.
Howard said he wants Fred the Elephant Boy to do his eulogy. He played some clips of him doing some announcing at an event they did and Fred was up on stage mumbling something that was barely understandable.
Robin said she was trying to think of who was sick enough to have passed away and she couldn't come up with anyone in the Wack Pack.
Howard said that the Writer's Guild is upset that Carson is returning to the air without a deal. They're hoping that he reconsiders the decision. He may have some scab writers on the staff and they're not that thrilled with it. Howard heard that Carson is looking for fans to submit jokes for him so that's how he's getting around that.
Artie told a story about working the docks in Newark and how they tried breaking the union down at this place he was working and they ended up getting like 1000 longshoremen down there and things got really crazy down there. He saw a guy get pulled out of a truck and beaten up because he was taking their jobs. He said that he decided to go off an try to be a comedian after that all went down. He's hoping that the writers don't get that nuts.
Howard said that Scott Greenstein came to him and asked him to do the Letterman thing around Christmas time. He said he doesn't think he can go because he's in mourning over this Lonny Heckman death.
Howard said his agent came to him and told him that Letterman's people were looking for him to be the first guest. He said he doesn't like doing that show because he feels like he has to prove something when he goes on. He has to work his ass off to do the show and he's not into that. He just wants to go on and be full of himself and be a big dummy like Paris Hilton or George Clooney. He can't do that though.
Howard said he'd just prefer to say that he's done a bunch of Letterman appearances and just ride off into the sunset. Dave did some stuff for the Howard Stern History show they're doing next month so now he thinks that he has to do it. He also said that Scott Greenstein is good at nudging him to do stuff like that.
Howard said that he tried to explain to Scott that he has to have something to say when he goes on that show but Scott told him to just talk about this special that's coming up. Howard said that Dave might not want to talk about that. Artie said that the day Dave showed up for Howard's 50th birthday, he could see the pain on his face. He didn't want to be there. He was fine after he calmed down though.
Howard said that some people ask him why he doesn't ask people like Billy Joel and Steve Martin to come on the show. Howard said that those guys are friends in his personal life and he doesn't want to ask them to come on the show. He said he just spoke to Steve Martin recently and he's going to go to dinner with him again soon. He said he's really excited about it but he wouldn't ask him to come on his show.
Howard said he guesses he'll just do it even though it just tortures him. He said he doesn't have anything to talk about and he may just sit there and not say anything. He said he might go on and just tell Dave he's got nothing to say. He said he might talk to Dave about how he wants to be like Paris Hilton and just let Dave do all the work.
During that discussion Robin mentioned something about the way Howard thinks about her kissing Jim Florentine and how weird that comes off. Howard said that he'd never picture Robin falling for Jim Florentine because of his crude humor and stuff like that. Robin said that she can appreciate crude humor, she is on this show after all.
Artie said that if he thought that Jim wasn't right for Robin he'd say something to her. He said that he's really not a bad guy and he's not going after Robin to get anything out of her.
Howard talked about some of the stuff he did see on the show. He said that it seemed impossible to him that Marie Osmond lasted as long as she did on that show. He said that there was a little chubby, piggy chick on the show who got voted off pretty quick.
Wheels also brought up The Biggest Loser and got Howard talking about that. They talked about some of the people on that show. Howard said that there are some people who are such babies and you just know they're going to get fat again. Howard wonders why people like that even go on the show. They whine about not being able to eat and can't exercise.
Artie said that he has no idea what the fuck they're talking about because he's never seen these shows. He said that he has to check them out just so he knows what they're talking about. Howard said that he and Beth talk about how they'd like to do the show just to lose like 3 pounds.
Howard asked Mark if he's just doing a favor for Isaac or if he's being serious. Mark said he really thinks he's a good writer and it's a good script. He said the girls in his office read the script and they loved it too. Artie said he sent the script out to an agent of his and someone there read it and loved it too.
Howard said that he will read the script this weekend but if the script sucks, he's going to lose all credibility with him. He didn't want him wasting his time. Artie said he would read it this weekend as well so they could talk about it next week. Howard said that it would take like 2 hours to read. Robin wanted a copy as well.
Howard asked Isaac if he called Mark and asked him to call in. Isaac said that Mark called him and said he heard Howard talking about it and wanted to know if he should call in. Howard said that his weekends are so precious to him that this had better not waste his time.
Mark said that he actually read the first draft of the script and it was a little too long. He gave him some notes and had him cut it down. He hasn't read it since then though. He said the story is the coming of age story about some 20 year olds and it's a great story.
Howard said that he's going to read this thing this weekend. He said that he's going to take Mark's word on this, after the script has sat on his desk for a year, and he will check it out. Mark said that he used to tell Howard to just read the first 20 or 30 pages of a script and that's what he'd do. Howard said he hates reading and he doesn't want to think. He just doesn't want to know, he loves not to know stuff.
Howard wondered why Isaac couldn't have written a cool script like The Matrix or Spider-Man or something like that. Isaac said this was his first script and maybe he'll do something like that next. Howard told him to write Spider-Man vs. Dracula. He asked Isaac who would win. Robin said it would be Dracula but Isaac and Mark were saying it would have to be Spider-Man.
Gary said that Sal is working on a Frankenstein script and he should really hear his pitch. Sal wasn't available to pitch the movie to him because he was in the bathroom so Gary told Howard about some of the holes in the story and how great Sal thinks this movie is going to be. This is all coming about because of Isaac writing a script.
Artie said that Sal came to him with a script that was only like 45 pages long and he had to tell him that it's not long enough to be a movie. He said he has to hear this pitch for the Frankenstein movie. He was busy taking a shit though.
Howard said that if he finds out that Sal is jerking off in the bathroom he's going to fire him. He gave Mark a plug for his web site, HungryManTV.com, and had him explain what it was. Mark said they have short films and shows on the site. Howard asked him if he read any scripts that actually made it into the theaters. He said that ''Dodgeball'' was one. He said that there was another one about a baby sitter who started a prostitution ring. That was in their hands and they wanted to make the movie but the writer wanted to direct it himself. He said that it's just coming out soon and the guy did end up directing the movie himself. Howard said he decided to stop being an executive at that point in his life.
Howard said he was doing a lot of stuff in his life at the time but he had to get out of it because it was taking up so much of his time. He told Isaac that he should make a short film for Howard TV or something but Isaac said that he's busy working 12 hour days on the TV show and he doesn't have time to do that.
Howard was getting upset when everyone was talking over everyone else. Fred threw in a clip from ''The Big Picture'' that they've played on the show before. He said it reminded him of Mark's wind-up at the beginning of the call. That clip features Martin Short playing the part of an agent pitching himself to a guy.
Sal went into a pitch about this Frankenstein movie pitch. He said that he would like to take Boris Karlof's Frankenstein character and use that in a current day movie. He went into this explanation for a couple of minutes and Howard said he wanted to kill himself hearing the pitch. Gary told him to let him keep going. Sal said that this guy uses his DNA invention to bring Boris Karlof back to life but in his Frankenstein monster character to kill off some kids that tormented him as a kid.
Howard said that story is ridiculous and it makes no sense. He wanted to bring back an actor to play the part of Frankenstein's monster to kill people. Artie said that was great and laughed his ass off. Gary said that Sal thought that Howard was going to think the pitch was so great that he'd have to make the movie. Howard said it was ''terrible meets awful'' and if he walked into a movie studio and let him pitch a movie like that, he'd lose all credibility.
Howard told Sal that it was an embarrassing pitch. It was just a bizarre story and it made no sense to him. Sal said that in movies you have to let things pass and just go with it. He said that he was trying to bring a nostalgic Frankenstein into a modern day movie. He said it's a cool idea but Howard told him the story makes no sense. Gary told Sal to tell Howard what the movie title was. Sal said it was ''Bringing Back Boris'' which he claimed was a very catchy title.
Sal said that he pitched his move to Sam Simon and Sam just asked him why he'd bring back an actor and walked away. Howard said that Sam is right. It makes no sense. He told him to do a movie about why he was in the bathroom for 30 minutes.
Sal said that he has some stuff that could save the movie and pitched some of those ideas. Howard still wasn't impressed and asked Sal to leave. He took a call from a guy who said that this has been done already, it was done in Night of the Living Dead. Howard told the guy that the whole thought process behind this movie was pointless. Another caller said he thinks that Sal has a great idea but it would have to be a comedy. Howard said that it could be a movie if they had Sal going out and pitching the idea to real movie studios. They could do something like that movie that Jimmy Kimmel made called ''Windy City Heat.''
Another caller said that he thinks that Eric the Midget's movie is going to be a hit after hearing that. Howard said that Eric the Midget's movie makes more sense. He took a few more calls and let some people rip on Sal. One guy suggested they go out and dig up Bill Bixby to run around as the hulk. Howard told him that was a great idea and he might have to make that movie. Someone threw out the idea of bringing back Hitler to come back and kill all the Jews. He said that would make too much sense though.
Artie said that he wanted to think about this pitch that Sal had just given them. He said that if a guy figures out a way to bring people back to life, how would he do it with bones in a coffin? He was thinking it through too much, unlike Sal. Howard said that Sal actually put that together and he's serious too. He thinks it's funny that Sam Simon was arrogant for walking away from him when he pitched it to him. He said that really bowled him over but now he has to take a break.
Howard said that he had Governor Schwarzenegger (Fake Arnold) on the phone to talk about some stuff and he's asked that they don't talk about sex this morning. He got Arnold on the line and asked him about the fires out in Malibu. Arnold said that the fire fighters are working hard on that and pulling through with that just fine. Howard said that he knows that it must be difficult to have credibility as governor when he used to be an actor.
Howard asked Arnold about global warming and his ideas to stop it. Arnold said that they want to send thousands of rockets out to pull the Earth away from the sun so they don't have to worry about global warming. Howard and Robin asked him how that could work and he gave them his answer about having thousands of them pulling it away from the sun. Howard said that he read that he wants to take $250 million of California's money and have it used for the rockets.
Arnold said that he's going to actually push the earth away from the sun. He said that it would only be a few inches and it would stop all of the hot weather. Arnold also said that it wouldn't be an issue for the earth to move back into place after it's moved. He said he has top guys working on this and they're doing a lot of work to make it happen.
Arnold said that they're looking to have a new nuclear plant put into the Grand Canyon so just in case it blows up, the hole is already there. Howard said that all of this is on a new bill he's trying to get passed. They went over that and Arnold said he's also working on a Transgender disclosure act. He said that men have the right to know if the women they are seeing are actually women. He said they'd have a list of those people that they'd keep track of so they know if they're really men or women.
Howard let Dominic Barbara through on the phone to say that maybe the use of steroids is the reason that he's having these strange thoughts in his head. Howard let him go and Arnold got back to some of the things he wanted to talk about. He said that they have some incentives to keep the kids in school. They're going to keep the girls in school by promising them breast implants if they graduate with a B average. The slogan for that program is ''Free Ds for Those With As and Bs.''
Howard wrapped up with Arnold and asked him if he's upset he can't run for President. Arnold said he'll be fine, he can go back to doing movies and things like that. He thanked Howard for letting him call in and got off the phone a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who didn't believe that was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard and the guys told him that it was him and it made a lot of sense to them. Howard said it made sense to him and just moving the earth a few inches would stop global warming. Howard said that there were some groups upset about that because they don't own the sun and everyone would have to give permission to do something like that.
The caller said Howard had him going for a second but he wasn't falling for it. Howard said that Schwarzenegger came out for blowing up the moon a few years ago and a news reporter, Joe Scarborough, came out against him for making such a crazy comment. The guy didn't know that it wasn't actually Arnold. Howard said that he respects the governor for coming out with such great ideas.
Howard said that the breast implant idea was a good one and that's a great way to keep the girls in school. He took another call after that and the guy said that he thought that Sal's movie idea was a great one, it just needed a little work. Howard said he didn't want to hear anymore about that movie.
The guy said that he was going to suggest the San Diego Chargers game and gave him some facts about the team. Howard said he didn't need the explanation, he just wanted to know who to bet on. Matt claims that he's 81 percent accurate with his bets. Howard was going to take that and bet the game.
Artie asked Matt some questions and got all excited about betting. He said that the Chiefs aren't doing that well this year so it was all making sense to him. He said that he'd put five grand on the game. Matt gave Artie some other numbers about the Giants game and told him to take the under on that.
Howard said that Artie must feel like shit when he loses these bets. Five grand is a lot of money. Matt said that the fun is watching the game. Artie liked what he was hearing from this guy. He thought his picks were good ones. Howard said that he is 81 percent correct so he must know something.
The guy said that he's a recruiter for an insurance company in New Jersey as his full time job. He does this stuff on the side. Howard said he was going to let Matt go but asked him about how many people he gets to pay him $250 for bets. He told Howard he does pretty well with that stuff.
Artie said that he remembers Robin gushing about an Arnold movie one time and loved it while everyone else hated it. Robin said it was ''Last Action Hero'' and she still loves that movie. She said that it was better than Jurassic Park. Howard said the movie was horrible.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said they have a story about Lonny Heckman's death. She gave a few more details about that and said she'll be talking to Tommy Shaw later this morning about their cover of the song. Lisa said she also spoke to the former PD of WPLJ and he claims that he never said that Howard wasn't ready to work there. Howard said the guy did say that when he was out in Detroit. He said that he got a call from him when he moved to Washington DC and he was offered a job to work nights over there. He turned that down.
Howard and Lisa talked about that stuff for a few minutes and Howard was saying that WPLJ would still be the powerhouse it once was if they had hired him to do mornings over there. He said that they didn't have the balls to do it though. They settled for mediocrity instead. He said he didn't have anything against Larry Burger because that guy was a fan of his. He remembers Larry telling him that he was watching him and what he was doing.
Artie said that if Howard had gotten that job, he may not have ever met Robin. Howard said that's not true. He said that they still could have been teamed up. He said that he got some job offers back then and could have gone to Chicago, Toronto or Washington DC. He said that he went to Washington but they were making shitty money. Robin said she was getting like $20,000 and Howard was making about $40,000. Howard said that he wanted to renegotiate after he got some ratings and he brought them up to an 8 share in less than a year. Robin said they were the cheapest morning crew in the whole city. Howard joked that Fred got paid in salt because they were so cheap there. Fred said he actually made some extra money doing a weekend shift.
Howard said that the general manager at the station wondered why they weren't writing about him when he'd see an article about him in the paper. Howard said that they didn't write about him because he wasn't the one getting the ratings. He said they used to dick him around down there and it was really humiliating.
Howard said he wished that he could have gone to WPLJ in the mornings instead of going to that shithole WNBC. He said that it just sucked working at NBC. His father warned him that they were going to try and bury him by sticking him on at night at WPLJ so he refused to go over there.
Howard said that maybe he and Robin wouldn't have met if he had gone to WPLJ after Detroit. Artie said he was fascinated by the whole story of Robin and Howard meeting. He asked how she felt when she met him. She said she thought Howard was being sweet and nice that day because he was telling her that she could say anything she wanted. Robin said that she just wanted to do the news at the time though. Howard said he could tell that she had the gift of gab and wanted her to talk.
Lisa said that she loved hearing those stories and she can't wait to hear the Howard Stern History special which starts on December 17th.
Robin said that she remembers hearing a tape of Howard before she met him that made her want to meet him. She said that she had never heard anything like that before and Howard made her relate to a prostitute that he was interviewing. She had never heard someone that could do that before.
Howard asked Lisa not to go digging up anything on this guy Goff Labar who he had mentioned during this discussion. He said he'll probably take credit for everything and he doesn't want to give him that.
Howard said that through all of this stuff he doesn't blame Larry Burger. He said he was just trying to do his thing back then and it was frustrating that he couldn't get it done. He said that even when he had credibility he still had guys telling him to play 6 songs an hour. Robin said that her mind was blown when she'd hear stuff like that back then.
Howard said that it's always been a fight for him. It was always a fight until he got to SIRIUS. He said that things are very easy going there.
Lisa asked Howard what he's doing with all of that energy he used to have when he was fighting. Howard said that he's just having fun now doing the show. He doesn't want to be angry every morning, it gets old after a while. He said that it's really weird when they contact these people from his past.
Howard said that his fantasy was to work at WPLJ back then. He said that he loved that radio station and it would have been great. They had some great jocks working there at the time and he just loved it all. The guys talked about some of the DJs that used to work there and how some of them are now working there at SIRIUS.
Howard said that Whoopi Goldberg lost her radio show. He found an article about that and read through that. He read through an article about that and how they dropped her nationally syndicated show there in New York City. Robin wondered if she had higher ratings than Imus did. Howard said she probably did and that led to him talking about how he can't believe that WABC is firing guys who got higher ratings than Imus to put Imus in that spot. He said that the guy is never going to get ratings and this is like the bizarro world. He said that the guy must be truly blessed somehow. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Colin said that he's been listening to the show since about 86 or 87 and he listens to it every day now. He used to live out in L.A. and he'd listen to it at 3 in the morning so he could hear it live. He said that he can listen to it all the time when it's on now since he's on satellite.
Howard asked Colin how old he is now. He's 48. Howard thought that Colin was upset that he lost his gig on Comedy Central to the Colbert Report. Colin said that he likes Colbert but he doesn't like the reaction to their shows while he's stuck in obscurity.
Howard said he didn't know what to make of Colin when he was on Remote Control on MTV. Colin said he didn't know what to make of himself either. Then Howard said he got on Saturday Night Live and showed off his talent. Then he got his own show on Comedy Central and lost that. Now he's back to doing road gigs. Colin said he didn't think about it until Howard laid it out the way he did.
Howard asked Colin how often he's out on the road. Colin said that he's always out on the road but he's also writing scripts. He's got an idea for Eric the Midget. He said ''Black Hawk down with balloons.'' That got a few laughs out of Artie and Howard. Howard told him to get to work on that then.
Colin said that he wanted to punch out Will when he was pre-interviewing him. He said he was asking him about getting laid and when he said he wasn't getting laid, Will didn't even question it. He got kind of upset about that.
Howard pointed out that even Stuttering John is doing better than Colin is. Colin said that he wouldn't have taken that job. He said he's turned down a lot of jobs and that's one he wouldn't have wanted anyway.
Howard brought up the time that Colin got caught cheating on his wife through his computer. He said that he must regret that and asked if he does. Colin said he didn't want to play anymore and he only likes the show when he's listening to it. Colin said that he'd rather be on a train looking out on this great land of ours with Richard.
Howard said that Colin doesn't even have a friend to IM anymore. Colin said that he had his fun in the past. Howard asked him what happened to him. Colin used to be a player but now he's got nothing. Colin said he doesn't have any regrets, there isn't a point in doing that. He said that he just found out that his ex-wife just had a kid and he's not so thrilled about that. Artie joked that it was Stephen Colbert's kid.
Colin said that he got a picture from a mutual friend of theirs. Howard said he could have been having kids of his own. Artie told him he ducked the bullet there. Howard wondered if Colin wanted kids of his own. Colin said he would but he's got other things going on in his career so that's not in the picture at this point.
Colin said he's writing movies and he wants to write his own shit. He doesn't want to be in other people's shit. Robin asked if he wants to do another Broadway show. Colin said he was thinking about doing something since everyone is on strike.
Howard said that Colin is going to be at the Gotham comedy Club tomorrow night through Sunday. He gave him that plug and asked him about the Colbert Report show and if he thinks that he's funnier than that guy. Colin wouldn't say that and just joked about himself.
Howard said that Colin is the guy who wanted to take Artie to fat camp with him. Artie talked about that on the show a couple of months ago. Colin said he's worried about Artie and he doesn't think he's taking it seriously enough. He said he's afraid that Artie is going to get something that's not reversible and that's why he wants him to go and lose some weight.
Colin said he and Artie did the Pat Cooper Roast together and that's when he brought up the fat camp thing to him. Then Artie was on the next morning talking about it without mentioning his name. Howard wanted to know more details so he had Colin tell the story. Colin said that Artie wanted him to set it up but he wasn't his assistant so he figured that maybe Artie could have his guy set up. Artie said if he let Teddy set it up, they'd end up at Skinny Camp instead.
Artie said that he thought Colin was going to find out more info and get back to him about it. Colin said that he didn't mind that Artie was keeping his name secret but then he said that he was a ''solid B-lister'' celebrity. He didn't appreciate that.
Howard said that Colin reached out to this guy, Artie, and he turns around and says that he's a ''solid B-lister.'' Colin said that he could have said he was just a friend of his. Colin kept giving Artie some ''Fuck you Artie'' comments which were references to Crazy Alice.
Artie said that he really looks up to Colin but this was going a step further than he should. He said that he didn't have to ask him to go to this fat camp thing. He said it was very nice of him to do that. Colin said that he's still worried about Artie. Howard said he and Robin are worried too. He'd like Artie to lose the weight.
Howard asked Colin what he thinks the problem is. Colin said it's a compilation of a bunch of addictions and it's hard to say. Artie said ''I'm a mess'' which summed it up nicely. Artie said that he'd probably go over the fence on day two if he went to a fat camp.
Howard brought up Robin dating Jim Florentine and Colin said he's very nervous about that. He said that he doesn't know Jim all that well, but he does know him. Howard said that Jim is known for shitting in weird places, showing his balls and stuff like that. Colin said he's even seen his balls, they're legendary. Artie said he saw them in a Roy Rogers bathroom along with everyone else in the bathroom.
Colin said he's afraid that this thing with Jim is going to end badly. He said he's not sure why but it makes his stomach tight when he hears about it. He doesn't want to know what's going to happen but it can't be good. He wasn't sure if Howard should keep talking about it or not.
Fred did his Jim Florentine impression a little bit and had some fun goofing around talking about what might happen if he and Robin broke up. Jim might be kept off the show if that happens.
Colin came up with some more ideas for Eric the Actor and his movie. He said that he would like to see him in a remake of Taxi Driver. He said that it was the funniest thing when he heard him call in and say that he had written just four pages of a movie for them. He said that guy has the biggest balls in the business, even bigger than Jim's.
Howard asked Colin about this movie he's written. Colin said he can't pitch it to anyone because the writer's strike is going on right now. He said he's staying busy with his comedy career at this point. Howard asked him when he last got laid. Colin said that it was a long time ago, probably close to a year. He said that he can't even jerk off because he's just too tired. Robin said that this is depression. Colin said he's in therapy and it's working. Artie asked him where he'd be if he wasn't in therapy. Colin said he probably would have killed himself.
Howard asked Colin how often he goes to therapy. Colin said he's going 2 days a week. He said he's not depressed right now. He said he can't get motivated to jerk off though. He said that he's not even on any meds at this point. Howard asked him if he's in Bob Levy category where he's constantly depressed. Artie joked that Levy isn't smart enough to be depressed.
Howard asked Colin if this is what he dreamed of when he dreamed of being a stand-up comic. Colin said he did dream of being one and this isn't exactly what he thought it would be. He said that he never really got on a roll though.
Howard thought it was odd that Colin hadn't found anyone to bang since a year ago. Colin said that he's been isolating himself, that's all it's about. Howard gave Colin some more plugs and called him a ''road comic'' which upset him. He said that he's not a road comic, he's just out on the road. He said that a road comic is a hack.
Howard gave Colin a plug for his appearances at the Gotham Comedy Club and asked him about his act. Colin said that it's not a set act, he doesn't know what he's going to do.
Howard said he had someone on the phone who wanted to have phone sex with Colin. Colin knew it was going to be Wendy the Retard. Howard picked up and it was Wendy. He let the two of them have some phone sex. Benjy said she was wearing her one piece bathing suit. Colin did a Hollyweird Squares thing with Wendy and Daniel Carver one time. He said that would be a wild sex group right there.
Howard said he pictures pubes coming out of Wendy's bathing suit. She said there were and there were hairs coming out from under her arms as well. She said that there was doody on some of the hairs and in her bathing suit. Artie asked her if there was shit under her fingernails as well. She said yes to anything they asked her. Artie got a good laugh out of that.
Howard said he had to let Wendy go because he had Stephen Colbert on the phone. He picked up and there was a guy on the line laughing his ass off at Colin. Irish John called in after that and said that Colin is usually a home run but today he's not doing all that well. Howard didn't understand that so John explained that he's on some percoset and vikodin so he was depressed. He was suggesting that they give Colin a show on Howard 101. They spent a short time talking to John about the drugs.
Howard asked Colin if he wanted to do a show on Howard 101. Colin told him not to throw him crumbs like that after Irish John suggests it. He asked Howard if he's ever heard the word ''No'' before and told him he wouldn't do something like that.
Howard asked Colin who he thinks is the greatest comedian of all time. Colin threw Carlin and Pryor's names out there. Colin said that he doesn't think that there's anyone better than him out there right now. He said he's just as good as anyone out there. Artie asked ''Even Ant?'' which got some laughs.
Howard wrapped up with Colin and talked about the great times they've had on the show. Artie said he disagrees with Irish John, he thinks that Colin sucked every other time he's been on and today was his best appearance. Howard said that Colin only has 323 friends on his Myspace page. JD has 6000. Colin said that he may have less friends but at least some of his are his family. Howard gave Colin some more plugs and then wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who bored him after just a couple of seconds. He hung right up on her before she could get to what she wanted to say.
Howard moved on to play some audio clips that he's heard lately. The first clip was a guy who called 911 and told them that he saw a burglar next door to him and he had a shotgun. The 911 operator told him not to shoot the person but the guy said he wasn't going to let them get away with it. The guy says that he's going to shoot if he goes out there. The operator tells him not to do that and not go outside with the gun. The guy said that he has the right to protect himself. He saw the guy hopping out the window so he ran out there with his shotgun to take care of it. He then shoots two shots.
Howard said the 911 operator was nice and calm which was pretty amazing. Artie said it sounded like a bit of a phony phone call but Howard said that it wasn't. He had the follow up call where the guy calls 911 again and says he took one guy down with his shotgun. He told the cops to come out there. The operator told him not to shoot anyone else, there were cops there without uniforms on. Then you hear the cops yelling at him to lay down on the ground and his phone hanging up.
Robin asked if that guy is in big trouble. Howard said that they may have been on his property so he may have had the right to do it. Gary said he heard that he killed one guy and the other got away. The guy feels bad for what he did but not that bad. He felt he had to shoot when they got on his property. JD said that they were armed with crowbars so they were armed. Robin said that you can't have people going around shooting people just for going in and out of windows. They could have been some kids sneaking out of their house or something.
Bobo called in and said that was an amazing piece of tape. He said that if you kill someone in your house you have to prove that they were there to hurt you before you can get off.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she's been listening to the show for many years, since she was a kid, and she heard the replay earlier and wanted to talk about the Lex and Terry show. They actually do roast shows and have a Wack Pack type of thing going on as well.
Howard said that those shows always rip him off. Maybe they'll bring them to New York next and try to replace him on K-Rock with those guys. Artie said that Lex should change his name to ''Dis'' so their name is Dis-n-Terry.
Mike eventually walked out of the Wrap Up Show after Artie berated him a little too much. He told Artie he hopes he dies just like Grandma Caprio and walked out. Artie said that's what they call ''the Irish goodbye.'' Artie said he's obviously just joking around with the guy and he's taking him seriously. He said he's sorry about that.
Howard said that Mike has cut a 2 minute rebuttal to that argument. He played the clip where Mike is doing a fake radio show on WFAG and talking about his father dying and stuff like that. Mike said that he should just quit already and he showed that he doesn't care about anything when he threw a CD at Sal. He said he'd be nothing without Howard and he wouldn't have any of the deals he's gotten over the past few years. He then plays a bunch of songs with the word ''father'' in them trying to goof on Artie about his father falling off the roof.
Artie was laughing through the bit and didn't seem to take it seriously. Mike threatened to do a Grandma Caprio impression so Howard asked Mike to come in and do that. Howard said that things seem to be bad between the two of them. Artie said that the only real thing that Mike is going off on him about is his father dying, so he's thinking that maybe there is some truth to that fag thing.
Howard asked where Mike was. Gary said that he wasn't there yet, he works the late shift and should be there soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening to the West Coast feed and heard about Lonny dying. He got all teary eyed when he heard that. Howard said that really was sad. Howard said they interviewed him about 2 weeks ago and had a good time talking to him.
Howard played another Hate Man voice mail where he goes off on him. Hate Man seemed kind of upset that Howard interrupts people on the show. He called Howard some names in that call. Artie jokingly said that he hates to admit it but Hate Man is his uncle Tony.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard what the difference is between Private Parts and The History of Howard Stern special. Howard said that they aren't the same thing, they're going back in history and pulling clips from old shows to tell the story of his life. He said that they have a whole crew working on the specials they do there and they've been working on this special for like a year and a half. He said that it's a big project. He said that these specials are like the box sets that people want him to put out. He said that this kind of stuff competes with TV and other stuff and people will want to hear it over that kind of stuff.
Richard said that he got an email from someone saying that this is very dangerous and can lead to cancer. It's actually banned in some countries. Richard said he doesn't think that doing it just one time would do anything though. He said that he isn't yearning to do it all that often. He just volunteered to do it when it came up in a meeting.
Artie said that the whole show is getting it's asshole bleached because Richard is the show asshole. Richard went on to read some notes about the bleaching and the stuff they use does have some carcinogens in it. Howard said that he doesn't want him doing it then.
Gary said that they have the guy who was going to do the bleaching on the phone. Howard picked up and spoke to Enrique about the product. Enrique said that the stuff they use doesn't have the stuff in it that Richard was talking bout. The stuff they use in their product is fruit acid so it doesn't have any carcinogens in it. Richard was okay with it after hearing that.
Howard asked Enrique what he does with this stuff. Enrique said they put this stuff on his ass for 2 minutes and then wash it off. He said that some people need a few treatments down there, it all depends on how dark the skin is. Artie said it would be funnier if he just shoved a papaya up his ass.
Robin asked Enrique who he has coming in for this stuff. He said that he has models and people like that coming in for the treatment. Richard said that it does make a difference in porn movies when you see a light colored asshole.
Robin said that she's had the same product on her face and it's basically a chemical peel. She said she does it occasionally. She's not trying to lighten her skin or anything.
Howard asked Enrique if he's going to apply the cream with his penis. He sensed that he was gay and he was right about it. Enrique said that he's got a lot of guys who come to him and ask to have their penis color lightened. Artie said that he'd like a black cock himself.
Howard told Enrique to just slip his cock in for a second when he's doing that to Richard. Richard said that he's not into that. Richard asked him if a hemorrhoid would be a problem and get in the way. Enrique said he could work around that.
Howard let Enrique go and said that he's from the Chelsea Spa. He said he forgot to ask if he has to wipe before he does that. He suggested that Richard stop showering until the guy comes in so they have him all smelly for the guy. Richard said that might turn him on though. Artie said that's not going to turn anyone on. The bleaching happens next Tuesday.
Artie asked him if he wanted to call a truce. Mike said that he's tired of Artie goofing on him. Artie said that Mike started it so it wasn't his fault. Mike said that Artie is the one who goofs on him at any chance he can get.
Howard said that Mike claims he's not gay so he has to take his word on that. Artie said that it must be just coincidence that he was at Disney on gay day, wearing a red shirt like all of the gay guys were wearing that day. Mike said that Artie is a liar and the last day he was there was gay day. He wasn't wearing a red shirt either. Artie started laughing when he was telling the story though. He was wheezing and laughing his ass off at what Mike was saying.
Howard wanted to hear Mike's Grandma Caprio impression but Mike wouldn't do it at first. He eventually did it but it was just him speaking through a megaphone. It wasn't much of an impression. Artie started to laugh his ass off thinking about it. He wanted to hear more of it but Mike wouldn't do it again.
Artie was proposing a truce and said that he would stop talking about Mike in a negative way. Mike said that he loves Artie on the show and he doesn't want to censor him in any way. He said he wants to be able to do a bit without being called a fag. Artie said he will stop doing that though because he doesn't want to treat him in a way he doesn't like. Artie and Mike kind of made up a little bit but Artie threw out one more ''spic fag' joke before he left.
Howard said he had a conversation with Benjy off the air about Ivy but he couldn't talk about it on the air. Steve said that Benjy is very secretive. Benjy went off on him saying that he doesn't believe that he fucks his wife and wanted to see proof of that. Benjy tried to defend himself but Steve wouldn't let it go and doesn't believe that Ivy is even staying with him. Artie said he wouldn't want them in his apartment either.
Richard came in and said he had an idea for them. He said that maybe Benjy and Ivy could go to a hotel and have sex in front of Steve Langford to prove that they're doing stuff together. Benjy said he would have sex in front of Steve but he doesn't want to do anything with Ivy at this point.
Steve said that they heard on Greg Fitzsimmons that Joe Rogan is cool with the Stern Show again and he'd love to come back on. Gary said that he had a conversation with his publicist and they told him that Joe doesn't want to be on the show. The invitation is open and he's welcome at any time but Joe has to be the one to call the show and ask to come in.
Howard gave a quick plug to Fake Arnold for those people who want to get custom voice mail messages made by him. Artie pretended he didn't know of any Fake Arnold and the one who called in earlier wasn't fake.
Jon Hein came in and gave his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about Colin Quinn, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the death of Lonny Heckman.
Robin read a story about a mouse that has been bred which is cancer resistant. The guys spent a short time talking about that. She also had some news about the Dancing with the Stars finale show. Howard played some audio clips from the show and even hummed along to the theme song and came up with some lyrics.
Howard had to take a break in the middle of the news. After the break Howard had Robin get back to her news. She brought up one story about Tracy Morgan having people walking out of his stand-up act lately. Howard said the people going to see him probably think he's doing a clean act and he's probably doing dirty stuff.
Robin brought up the Writer's Guild Strike and said that they are back to talking to the studios again. Artie is going to be out picketing today since he's part of the Writer's Guild. Robin said they forgot to call Artie by his nickname ''Beef'' today. They did that a little bit but it didn't seem to be sticking.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey and Barbra Streissand giving their nods to certain people for the Presidential race. Oprah is behind Barack Obama and Barbra is behind Hillary Clinton. Howard said he would probably back either Giuliani or Clinton. He will make his choice and make it clear as the election nears. Artie said he will do what he does every year and announce that he's voting, and just never go out and vote.
Howard said that he wanted to get the show over with but he had a guy on the phone who wanted to do an interview with him but it was much too late. He asked Gary to reschedule the guy for sometime within the body of the show.
The guys spent some time talking about the death of Washington Redskins player Sean Taylor. Robin also read a story about Shrek coming to TV as a Christmas special called ''Shrek the Halls.'' Howard said that he never got into that movie and hated it. He hated playing the clips that Robin had for him as well. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later and Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
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Howard started off the show talking over the Fab Faux song. He had to talk over the intro song to the show after that when Fred started it. Artie was late and caught in traffic coming in this morning. Howard filled Robin in on that. She said that High Pitch Mike would probably say that he's sleeping through the show again.
Howard said they had some problems with the computer system last night and he sent a bunch of notes to the guys and they probably didn't get them. They got something from Lonny Heckman's family and he wanted to read it on the air but he didn't have it printed out yet.
Howard said his balls were stuck to his leg this morning because he shaved them the other day. He said there's a lot going on down there. He said he's hard down there too and he's not even thinking about a broad right now. He also said he had a sex dream about Jackie Martling the other night. In the dream he said Jackie wanted him to bang his wife Nancy in front of him. He said Jackie wanted him to do it in front of him so he ended up spanking her and playing with her ''vagine'' but he never did the deed with her.
Howard said the newspaper got him all irritated this morning. There were some radio articles that were upsetting to him. He said there's an article about Imus in the paper and it looks like an obvious plant by ABC to promote Imus' show. He started to read the article but Artie showed up.
After Fred played an Artie song parody Artie said that at his weight he can't do anything stealth and sneak into the studio. Howard said he could feel him walking in because the floor has springs in it. Artie said that he had to get across the river from Jersey this morning and the traffic was stopped in the tunnel for like 10 minutes.
Howard goofed on Artie for a short time and played a new song parody from Mike Morse about his belly dropping coins. The song was ''Artie's Belly Is An ATM.'' That led to the guys talking about Joe Jackson since the song was based on one of his songs.
Howard read some quotes from Bo Dietle who is apparently friends with Imus. He read about some people who are upset that Imus is back on radio after his racist comments got him kicked off last year. They make it seem like everyone is going to be tuning in to hear what he has to say. Howard said it should be cool to see who the sponsors are that morning. At least that's what the article is making it seem like it will be interesting.
Howard did his Imus impression and goofed on him for a short time. The guys mentioned Imus' brother Fred and said that he actually works there at SIRIUS. He said they asked him if it was okay to hire him there and he thought that was nice. He really didn't care and wondered if the guy could possibly bring in more listeners. Gary said that Fred Imus is on Outlaw Country and he just plays music over there.
Howard read some more of the article about Imus and then got into some stuff about Whoopi Goldberg's show being taken off of WKTU there in New York City. Howard said they were basically saying that she was too nice on her radio show and they realized that you can't be nice in morning radio.
Howard brought up this morning show Star and Buc Wild that was canceled last year. They're bringing that show back as well. They're putting him on a station that's on 87.7 which he thought was reserved for college stations. Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about that story.
Howard said that Gary was telling him that they should put together a book about all of the people who claimed they were going to come into the city and kick their asses and never did. Gary said they had one guy who showed up at the station when they were at 600 Madison Ave. and gave them a cake after introducing himself. He showed up and did that off the air and the guy never kicked their ass in the ratings. Howard said he didn't even remember who the guy was. Gary said it was two names but he doesn't remember exactly who it was.
Gary said that the star and Buc Wild show isn't in the city so they're calling it ''New York Adjacent Radio.'' Howard said he did some of that but he was located in Westchester.
Artie said he remembered Meg Griffin talking about a DJ she was dating, Steve Kapen, and saying that he was just too smart for the New York audience and that's why he wasn't getting big ratings.
Fred was doing his Imus impression a little bit while they were goofing on him. Howard said that Imus is going to be on this RFD TV channel and it's not even available widely in New York City. The people around his show seem to think that people are going to be clamoring for the channel once Imus is on it.
Howard and the guys talked about how old and odd Imus is looking these days. Artie said they could cast him for Sal's movie and have him playing the dug up Boris Karlof that he was talking about yesterday.
Gary and Howard brought up some weird things that Imus used to do back when they worked with him at WNBC. Howard brought up a poster that Imus had out back in 1980 where they had a woman peeking through some blinds to take a look at the ''sexy'' Imus. Howard said that they were actually selling copies of this poster and they were very delusional about the whole thing at the time. He said that Imus was delusional and so was WNBC. He said it was beyond ludicrous.
Howard said he remembers asking them what they were doing with the poster and them telling him that they were selling them to the audience. They weren't giving them away, they were selling them. Howard said that he saw his ratings back then and they weren't all that great and it was hardly ''Imus' country'' like they were saying it was.
Gary said that he remembers Imus getting on the air and talking about how he had been there for a number of years and demanded that management buy him a Rolex watch. Howard thought Gary had that story wrong and said that Imus was such an asshole that NBC had actually acknowledged that he was getting better ratings and Imus demanded the watch when they wanted him to do a commercial with him. Imus wasn't happy he had to do a commercial with Howard Stern. Gary said he remembers them handing him the watch though. Howard said he got nothing for doing that commercial.
Howard said he remembers doing that commercial and Imus would just grunt and do strange things. He said they'd kiss his ass over everything he'd do. Howard said he thought he was in some bizzaro world where they were rewarding that guy for doing nothing.
Artie remembered seeing the commercial at the time and showing his father because his father wanted to know what he looked like. Howard said that he was kind of fat back then and had a really big ass that the covered up pretty well in the commercial. Howard said that Imus is really just a flaming asshole.
There are a lot of guys in radio like him and there are so many guys who claim they can beat his ass in the ratings and they were never able to do it. Gary said he knows there were a ton of guys like that but he couldn't remember their names. He said it wasn't even the big guys who are kind of popular.
Howard said that Opie and Anthony thought they were going to beat his ass, Mancow thought he was going to do it. There were others like Scot Muni, Scott Shannon and a bunch of others but Howard beat them all. Howard said the one thing that he can do super easy is beat people in the ratings.
Howard said the easiest ratings were when they were put on in L.A. He said he got a lot of shit about that, even from management, but he went in there and took right over. He said that even Mel was telling him that he wasn't going to put him on out there and he almost left the company over that.
Howard said that Mark and Brian were getting all of this recognition back then and getting offered TV shows and stuff like that. He said it really pissed him off that they didn't have an original thought in their heads and they were stealing his show ideas and getting away with it. Howard said his agent told him to quit and move to Los Angeles if the company wouldn't put him on out there. He went to Mel after that and told him what he wanted to do and demanded that they put him on or he'd leave.
Howard said that they eventually allowed him to go out there to L.A. but he had to pay them to let him go on a station other than an Infinity station. He said that he really was going to leave and they knew that he wasn't bluffing.
Howard said that Mark and Brian had a great set up out there. They were dating celebrities and they were big stars themselves. He had to go out there and show the hypocrisy of those guys and had to get on the radio out there. He said he couldn't believe that no one had a clue who he was and they were applauding two fuckin hacks out there. He said that they couldn't compete with him if God had given them four fuckin brains in their head. He said they were killing him.
Gary said the win out there was so swift, he thinks it happened in 8 months. Howard said he needed it to be fast and he was on fire back then. He said that every show he did was devoted to talking about those assholes. He was put on KLSX which was a shithole of a station. He said that Bob Mohr was there and he hired them right away. He told them that he would be number 1 very quickly and even they didn't believe it. He said he was pissed he wasn't number 1 right away. Robin said he declared he was though. Howard said that's right, he said he was number 1 right away.
Gary said that Infinity ended up buying the station he was on and he was pleased that they did that because he liked working for Mel. He said that Mel came through for him and he always backed him up in what he did. He said that he had a lot of people come after him over the years and Mel always backed him up with that stuff.
Artie remembered the first day that Howard was on in L.A. and listening to it out on the docks in Newark. He said he and this guy Patsie were listening and he remembers how pissed off Howard was at the time. He said he wouldn't have wanted to be those guys Mark and Brian because Howard was so pissed about them. Artie said that his buddy Patsie was jumping up and down somewhere now that he's heard his name mentioned on the show.
Howard said he couldn't take that he knew what to do on radio but always had to fight for it. He said that no one believed that he knew what to do and fought him on every move. Howard said that even XM caved in just a short time after he got on SIRIUS. Gary said he always loved it when Howard would focus on just one guy and beat the shit out of them on the air.
Artie said that if XM had hired Howard, SIRIUS would have had to have surrendered even faster than XM did. Howard said he told them that over there at XM when they were trying to hire him. He said that there were people telling them to hire him over there but they waited too long and blew it. He mentioned one name of a guy who they knew whose name used to be Lee but now it's Yarl Moan. Howard told the story about his name change but he wasn't sure if he had it quite right. He said his real name was Yarl but he changed it to Lee Masters for a while and then changed it back years later. Artie said he knew the name Lee Masters.
Howard said he told them over at XM that he could take them down if they didn't hire him. They laughed and he left the meeting. He said that they could make a proposal for him or not, they had to do what they had to do. He said he thought that he could beat one of the companies if he went to the other but they didn't believe it over there. SIRIUS came to Howard after the XM thing and told him they wanted him and didn't need to think about it. They didn't dick him around and just offered him a job.
Howard said he remembers them telling him that he had to do news when he was over at WNBC and controlling his show but he didn't want to do that. They wouldn't listen to him and let him do what he knew would work. He said he didn't want to listen to some guy who hadn't done anything in his career. He said he couldn't take it anymore and walked out of a meeting with some guys over there. They ended up getting fired after that and it probably wasn't the best move.
Artie said that there are sometimes nuns out in the lobby at the same time that their guests are there. Howard said that they're always nice to him over there at the Catholic channel. Gary said that Benjy saw a bunch of nuns out there in the lobby and started cracking up when some Hooters girls showed up to do another show. It's quite a mix of people there.
The guys ended up talking about some of the other channels there and Gary was saying that he loves the Bruce Springsteen channel they have now. Howard mentioned he likes to hear some heavy metal sometimes so they have a channel for that. He said he knows a woman who subscribes just for the Elvis channel. He thought that was pretty surprising.
Gary said that they have a Sinatra channel there too and they'll play his stuff and the kind of music he liked so they'll mix it up a bit. Artie said that he thought it was cool on the Springsteen channel to listen to the old shows that the fans send in and he was actually able to hear a show he went to back when he was a kid. Artie said that channel is fun to listen to.
Howard said he was listening to the John the Stutterer show from Monday and John stutters his way through his intro. He played some audio of John opening up the show talking about how he wasn't feeling so well. He went on to say that he wanted to shoot a giant load on the FOX news building across the street from the SIRIUS building.
Robin said that wasn't even John's opening monolog, it was an opening before his opening monolog. Howard played the close of John's show where he thanked everyone there. He thanked Howard, Jim McClure and then asked for some hot chicks to contact him if they wanted to let him eat their cunts.
Howard was going to go to break but he ended up talking about some stuff they had coming up today. Fred played a couple of Baba Booey song parodies that were to the tune of The Price is Right tunes and that led to Howard talking about how odd it is to see Drew Carey hosting the show. He said the guy is a nice guy but it looks odd to see him there instead of Bob Barker. Howard wondered how the ratings are since he took over. No one was sure about how they were. Howard said he's seen about 10 minutes of the show which is about all he could get through even when Bob Barker was hosting. Howard said that guy was up to some strange stuff over there when he was doing it.
Howard said that there was some strange stuff going on over there at Dancing with the Stars. He said that the winner, Helio Castroneves, was teamed up with that hot chick Julianne and now his fiancee has split up from him. He said that chick was smokin' hot too and if he was getting her he was one lucky guy. Artie said he wouldn't want to see his girl dancing with some other dude on that show. Howard was glad that Beth never went off to do that show.
Gary came in and said that he had some Drew Carey info. They're getting about the same numbers in the ratings. They're shuffling around the age groups though so Drew is actually doing well. Howard said he likes Drew so he likes to see he's doing well. He had to go to break after that.
Howard wanted a time line for when this kind of thing will be available to the public. David said he thinks the primitive ones will be out within 5 years or so. The more advanced units may take 40 years or so. Those robots will talk to you and actually converse with men.
Howard wondered if it would be wrong to produce young boy robots for pedophiles. David said he thinks that would help to stop pedophilia. He thinks that they could ween rapists off of their raping with robots. Howard said he thinks that rapists could just rape their robots instead. Artie said he doesn't think that will work because rape is such a violent thing. Robin said that a hard core rapist would only be happy with a real person. Howard doesn't believe that.
Howard said that there are a lot of guys who can't get women at all and this robot thing would be a big deal for them. Robin said that people are getting less and less personal and this robot thing isn't good. Howard said that she must be afraid that Jim Florentine is going to run off with a robot.
Howard asked David if his wife could handle it if he had a robot to bang. He said that he's not sure but it's so far off in the future that he can't really speculate on that. David said that he used to be a chess player but now he's been working with artificial intelligence for many years. He said that he's an international master in the game. Howard said he's at a 1600 rating but David said that he was at a 2400 score.
Howard ended up talking to David about chess for a few minutes. David said that he still puts together events where computers play each other and has set up some other events like Kasparov's last match. He said that computer chess is part of artificial intelligence and that's the kind of stuff he's studied for many years.
Howard wondered if people could get jealous of robots. He thinks that he'd get jealous if Beth was using a robot to get off instead of him. He said that maybe a one shot deal would be fine. He and David were going over that stuff and talking about how some people might handle the robot thing. David thinks that some people would probably rather do robots instead of humans. Howard said that's what he'd be afraid of.
Robin said that there was a movie called Cherry 2000 which was about this kind of thing. She said that this guy fell in love with his robot and when she broke down he had to go find parts to fix her and he had to go through hell to fix her.
Gary said that there are so many things that guys do to get laid and if they had robots instead, they might not get into them. They spent a short time on that subject before Howard gave David a plug for his book ''Love and Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships.'' Howard said that it's hard getting chicks and some people are going to need robots to make them happy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd like a robot that would go out and clean the house after he bangs it. That's what they were talking about coming up in the future. Howard wrapped up with David after talking about how he and Fred had sex with the Real Doll, at separate times of course. Howard asked David if he's ever had a real doll. David gave Howard a quick ''no'' on that.
David said that there will be a lot of money made and a lot of people who are miserable now will be happy when these type of robots are available. Howard said that maybe some of these terrorists that are out there would be happier if they had these type of robots to relieve some stress.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked David if he was related to that guy Jeff Levy. David didn't know who he was so Artie told him he's a guy that likes to have women throw up on him. David said he's a very normal guy and he doesn't know any Jeff Levy.
Richard came in and asked if it would be weird for a guy to have sex with a male robot. Artie and Howard said it would be gay but Richard said that he'd bang a male robot if they brought one in. Howard said that they do make a male Real Doll so maybe they could do that. Richard said that he wanted to have one made up to look like Ronnie the Limo Driver so they could bang that. Howard got a laugh out of that idea.
Howard spent a little more time talking to David and took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that this wouldn't be considered adultery in a marriage so that would help too. Howard said that if he had an Angelina Jolie doll he might be happy with something like that. Artie said that she wouldn't want to adopt any kids from other countries either.
Sal came in and asked about children robots for pedophiles. Howard had already asked about them but he had missed it because he was in the bathroom taking his daily shit. Sal said that Gary had gotten him when he told him to go in with that question. Howard kicked him out after that.
Howard and Artie told David about Governor Schwarzenegger talking about moving the earth away from the sun which they talked about yesterday. David said he'd like to see more about that and see how many people would vote for that. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard and Artie goofed on Richard about his offer to bang a male robot. They said that he has to be gay and ended up doing impressions of him talking about having sex with the thing.
Gary said that Lisa looks at Howard with this loving stare that she has and it's so obvious that there are about 10 people who have picked up on it. Ronnie came in and said that she listens to everything he says and talks about how brilliant he is. Gary said that she does do that. Lisa denied it but Gary said that she absolutely does do that.
Howard told Lisa to set herself free and just admit to it. She said that she's not in love but she does admire him. Howard asked her if she's ever thought about him while pleasuring herself. She said she never has. Gary asked if she's ever pleasured herself. Howard said he wasn't asking her about that and she didn't answer.
Gary said that sexuality isn't Lisa's thing and he thinks that she's thinking more about being in the wedding dress and stuff like that. Howard wondered if they have her right when they say that she's not even into the sex, she'd just into the wedding dress and the wedding. She was laughing through all of this and wasn't admitting or denying any of it. They asked her if she ever fantasizes about being Beth. She let out a laugh but didn't answer.
Howard had Lisa get to her news preview after the goofing around. Lisa said she'll be out at the Dogcadamey Awards show to interview Beth. Howard will be there as well. She talked about that for a short time. That led to Howard saying that Rob Zombie is apparently an animal activist and he did a thing for PETA where he talked about turkey torture. Howard played the clip where Rob was talking about the Butterball factories and how they have to stop torturing the birds. In the clip he said that they found a guy sexually assaulting a turkey. Howard asked Gary if his breakfast was there yet after listening to that.
Howard said that he had this Leather Weather Lady back in Detroit and she used to make something called ''fuck chicken'' which was chicken that she had a guy fuck before she cooked it.
Howard took a call from Jessica Hahn who said that she thinks that Lisa has to watch Howard doing his show because she adores him. She stands in Scott's studio watching him according to Ronnie and that's what Jessica was referring to. She said that she used to have to watch Howard doing his thing too when she was so taken with him. She said that she used to watch every little move he made.
Jessica said she loves the little giggle that Lisa gives when she talks about Howard too. Howard said that Jessica used to come to his hotel room and offer to give him hand jobs and stuff. He said he never went there with her because he was married at the time.
Jessica said that she used to think about Howard all the time and she would come up with scenarios about having sex with him when she was in the tanning bed and stuff like that. She told Howard about all of the stuff she used to think about him and how taken she was with him.
Lisa said she was just thinking about Howard's business savvy this morning but she's not thinking about him sexually. Artie said that's what gets her off, the business thing. Lisa said that she was thinking about how he's so popular in so many different mediums. Artie goofed on her a little bit doing an impression of her asking Howard to please her with his business savvy and his different popular mediums.
Robin asked Howard if he could tell if someone was in love with him. Howard said he knows when some women are in love with him and he doesn't get that from Lisa, but he does get it from Robin. Robin said that she doesn't want anything from him and she'd run if he made a move on her. Howard said he thinks that she dreams about his ham hands all over her. That led to Artie and Fred doing their Ham Hands Bill impression and reciting some of the lines from his song parody for Robin.
Lisa asked Robin if she's heard from Nick Manning lately. Robin said that she heard from him on Thanksgiving. Lisa said she invited him to a party she's having and he told her to give Robin her regards.
Howard said that Lisa got some sexual fan mail. He read through an e-mail about Robin's new glasses where a guy told her she looked foolish in those new things. Howard said he liked them but the fans apparently didn't. Howard said he saw some pictures that people photoshopped and sent to them. He wasn't sure if they put him up on his web site or not.
Howard had Lonny's mother on the phone so he talked to her for a couple of minutes. He was supposed to have gone to the Shaw Blades show tonight and his mother said that she's going to go to the show tonight. She said that Lonny has had problems since he was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 15. She also said that her son had just moved back in about a year and a half ago when he separated from his wife. She wanted a divorce but he refused to sign the paperwork.
Lonny's mother said that she has two daughters and they're healthy but she does have a granddaughter that has diabetes. She told Howard that she found Lonny in bed and tried to wake him up the other morning and he was already gone. She said it was a real shock even though she knew that he wasn't in good health. He was only 38 years old. He had trouble with his eyes also.
Howard asked her if she knew he was gone at that point. She said that they did CPR on him when she called 911 and they weren't going to do an autopsy because of all of the problems he had. She said that they ended up doing one and found that he died of a pulmonary embolism.
Lonny's mom, Linda, said that they're going to have the funeral on Monday since the funeral home is so busy. She said that she and some family will be going to the Shaw Blades show tonight. Howard asked if they had contacted Shaw Blades to let them know they're coming. She said that they were all set for tickets.
Howard said that Lonny was supposed to go to this show and he wondered why he couldn't just last a few more days to get to see this show. Linda said that Lonny never even complained about being sick and didn't want to be thought of as a crippled person. Robin said they didn't even know that he was sick, that's how much he kept it covered up.
Howard asked if she believes in God and wondered why he'd do such a thing and take him away just days before he was going to see Shaw Blades perform his song. Linda said she didn't know why he'd do that. Artie said that maybe John Lennon was performing the song in Heaven and that's why Lonny left when he did.
Linda said that there are some other songs that her son did and one of them was ''Howard Stern Junkie'' which she would send to him. Howard said he's hoping it's good so he doesn't have to goof on the guy. He asked if she's going to keep his room as a shrine to him. She said that she hasn't really thought about that yet. She will probably clean it out even though she loves her son. She said she has to move on with her life.
Robin asked if the ex-wife is still around. She said that they were still friends and still talking about twice a week so she was still around. She said that she loved him as a friend and didn't love him as she used to. They stopped talking for a while but eventually started talking again. Lonny was still in love with her.
Howard asked if Lonny still had porn before he left. She laughed and said he did. He asked if she could send them to him. She wasn't sure how much Lonny had or what the titles were. She said that they found some pictures and stuff on his computer when they went into it. Howard said that he hopes that Lonny is getting head from Marilyn Monroe right now.
Howard was going to play Shaw Blades version of ''When I See Beth Smiling'' as he was wrapping up with Linda. They spent a short time talking about the funeral. Artie said that he'd show up at the wake for a $5000 appearance fee. Howard told Linda that he's very sad for her and wished that he could have been there at the show tonight. She said that she wishes that too. She said that you think you're prepared for something like that but you never are. She said that her ex-husband will be at the show tonight too with her.
Howard had Fred play the original version and then break into the Shaw Blades version a short time into it. Howard said he was just starting to dig the original version when Fred cut it off.
Howard read some mail about Colin Quinn's appearance, High Pitch Mike and Artie's battle on the show and other stuff. People went off on Artie about being such a dick toward Mike. There was some support on Artie's side of that fight too.
Howard said that Steve Langford took some hits in the e-mail too but he didn't read through those. He said that Lisa really came out ahead in the e-mail.
Artie said that he was out in the hall earlier and Lisa asked him if he was coming to her cookie party. He said that he tried to think about something to say to her but then Robin came out and said she'd be at the party. The two of them let out a scream when Lisa found out that Robin and the girls were coming to her party. Howard said that noise that women make is unbelievable to him. Artie goofed on that scream that they let out and Fred played some clips of some other screams.
Howard said he sat down to open some mail yesterday and he saw something from Bryant Gumbel. He said that last year he saw Al Roker at his party and he looked like he wanted to choke him. He opened up the envelope and it was just a Christmas card with a picture of their dogs. They explained that they can't have their party this year because their apartment is being renovated. Howard was relieved but Beth let out a sigh like she was upset. Howard said he was thrilled that he didn't have to go to a party.
Artie said that one moment between Robin and Lisa showed the difference between women and men. Howard wondered what girls are going to the party with Robin. Robin said that Anne Marie and Lisa are a couple of her friends. They're all going to the party and then they're going out dancing afterward. Robin said she has a guy friend coming into town and he wanted to go out dancing so that's why they're going out to do that.
Lisa said that there will be a lot of single women at her party so Artie might be able to get laid. She said that he does like strippers though so maybe not.
Lisa said that Benjy was invited but she was going to uninvite him because he might bring Ivy Supersonic. She thinks that there's something odd going on there and she doesn't want him to come now. She said that it feels very disingenuous. Howard said that he's definitely going out with her and he's not bullshitting. Benjy said that they're not an established couple so he's not even sure if he'd bring her.
Howard asked Lisa if she was going to try and hook High Pitch Mike to her party. She said that he might not make it because he has to watch his god son that night. Artie said he had to keep his mouth shut with that bit of knowledge. Howard went to break so Artie didn't have the chance to make any comments about him.
Ivy Supersonic was on the phone so Howard picked up on that. She said she heard that someone was talking shit about her. Howard said that it was Lisa G who was doing that. Ivy said that she was nice to her when she talked to her about her pussy surgery. She went on about that for a minute and Howard asked Benjy how he can deal with that.
Gary came in and said that Benjy came to him about something that Ivy had sent to him and it was a bag of rice. He said that he never asked about a bag of rice but Ivy sent it along with Benjy this morning and she thought that he had asked for it or something. Ivy went on to say that they got some Chinese food the other night and they got 7 containers of rice.
It turns out Ivy has Benjy on a diet and he's not eating carbs now so they passed on the rice. Then they found out that Ivy doesn't think Benjy's teeth are any good and they're not Jewish teeth so she wants him to get them fixed. She said that she thinks that he needs some bonding done on them. She's taking over and trying to make him over.
Ivy said that they're having their pictures taken next week and he needs to get his teeth fixed by then. Benjy was cracking up as she was explaining her reasoning for all of this. He said he found it very funny. Robin asked Ivy why she's going through all of this before they're even a couple. Ivy said that if she's not with him by next week, the next chick will owe her big time.
Artie said there was something wrong with her saying ''we don't eat carbs.'' Howard asked them what they're doing this weekend and then asked Benjy if he's banging her every night. Benjy didn't get a chance to answer, Ivy was talking over him. They ended up talking about these condoms that Benjy likes and how they apparently don't protect against any STDs or pregnancy. She let him bang her with those but she wasn't suer what she was getting herself into.
Benjy said that the condoms are great because they feel like nothing is on. She wasn't so thrilled about the new condoms and asked someone to give him some Trojans or something. Howard told her to just not have sex with him if she doesn't want him using those condoms. She said she didn't want to be a guinea pig.
Howard asked Benjy what he was doing. He said that he likes the feel. Howard told him to use his head and get some real condoms. Benjy said he would even though he kept saying that these were very well established condoms.
Howard said that Howard TV had some pictures of Benjy that they put up on the screen. They were the ones that Ivy was complaining about. She said that she has to get those teeth fixed and she thinks that he's the most awesome guy and he's brilliant but he can't be using those condoms and he has to get those teeth fixed. Robin said she saw what she was talking about there with the pictures.
Howard told Ivy that there's something wrong with her if she has sex with him even though she doesn't like the condom. Benjy said that they're Durex condoms and a name brand so they just need some testing time to prove that they're safe. Benjy said that he's really into Ivy and he's having those feelings of love but it's weird to say it so early on.
Ivy said that they have to go visit her mom this weekend because it's hear birthday. IT turns out she's dead but they have to go visit her grave. Ivy said that her mother loved Gary when she was around. Howard asked her if she blows Benjy. Ivy said that she does do that. She said that there are now millions of people picturing her blowing him.
Artie asked Benjy if he knew Ivy's real last name. Benjy did and Ivy said it was fine to say on the air. It's actually Silverstein. Howard had to cut Ivy off and hung up on her. He said he's not sure how Benjy can take that. Benjy said he really enjoys having her over to his apartment. They lay in bed and just talk and she's really calm. He said that he's still dating and they're not really an established couple at this time. Howard asked him why he's saying that if she's basically living in his apartment. Benjy said that things are just moving too fast. He's leaving his options open.
Benjy said he was up until about 1 in the morning last night and he's got some legal meetings with her today. He said that he thinks that he has a good eye for the legal stuff and he's helping her out with the stuff she has to deal with. He said she wears really hot clothes when they go to these meetings. Gary said he heard that Benjy is attending some Giuliani fund raiser or something. He said that he probably won't be going to that but Ivy will.
Benjy was saying that Ivy has a lot of her own money so she's not after him for that or anything. Howard said he thinks that she's really into him. She may have found the first guy who is willing to put up with her.
Howard said they have a guy down there this morning to wants to play with her feet today. Howard said the guy saw JD rubbing her feet one day and he wondered why that guy gets to do it while he can't. They invited him down to play a game for the chance to rub her feet.
Howard said the guy's name is Amile and he's 6'5'' tall and a big black man. He asked how many letters he sent to this Angelique. He said he's been writing to her since he saw her on the show months ago. They've been contacting each other through Myspace. She said that he's very respectful of her but he does freak out when he doesn't hear from her very often.
Amile said that he'd like to be Howard's body guard because Ronnie is old and tiny. He said that he's more Howard's height and he thinks that he could handle the job better. Ronnie came in so Howard asked him if he thinks he could take him.
Howard said that Ronnie assures him that he can handle the situation. Amile said that's his opinion and he's got Howard's front and back. Amile said he'd take Ronnie on right there and now. He said that he took martial arts and boxing classes while Ronnie hasn't taken either. Robin said that Ronnie drives.
Ronnie and Amile were arguing about stuff and Amile told him to get the fuck out of the studio and called him an old man. Howard told Amile that it's kind of odd that he's into feet. He said it's odd to him to think about a big black man licking a while woman's feet. Amile said that he's been into feet since he was about 5. He used to rub a friend's feet when he was that age and he got into it.
Amile said that he lose his virginity at 15 and he was still into the feet at that time. He got more aggressive toward it as he got older though. He said that he would rub the feet and find the pressure points on chicks. He said that he found that he would get really aroused when he was into that stuff.
Howard said that Amile went and found Angelique on her Myspace page but it was tough to hook up with her so they brought him in this morning to play this game.
Amile said that he was in Scott the Engineer's son's class in college but Scott came in and told him that he spoke to his son about that last night and his son didn't remember this guy at all. Amile said that his son is a liar and an asshole and Scott started go to after him like he was going to fight him. Howard told him that this was nothing to fight about and tried to calm things down. Amile continued to go off on Scott but then apologized to Howard for saying what he said.
Amile said that he asked Scott's son to help him out and get him on the show but he told him he couldn't do anything. Scott said that's because even he can't do anything to get anyone on the show. He and Amile went back and forth for a few seconds before Howard let Scott go. Robin wondered where they found this guy.
Howard had Gary show his feet to Amile. Gary did that but Amile didn't want anything to do with them. Gary had a calcium deposit on his foot so that kind of freaked the guys out. Angelique told him to get a pedicure but Gary said he's not going to do that.
Howard moved on to the game and said he was going to ask Amile some questions about the show. He was going to get 30 seconds of time to rub her feet for each one he gets right. He said if he gets them wrong, he has to rub Gary's feet.
Howard had Angelique sit down on the couch and asked Amile the questions. Here's the first one. ''Who was Elaine Marx?'' Amile didn't know that she was the first Miss Howard Stern 1994. Amile said that he doesn't have SIRIUS radio right now so he doesn't get to listen. Whenever he missed any questions, he got 30 seconds of foot rubbing for Gary's feet. Howard had Amile rub his feet for 30 seconds but Amile wanted gloves. Amile said it felt nasty.
Howard went on to the second question which was ''What is Howard Stern's middle name?'' Amile let out a sigh like he didn't know. Howard said that any real fan of the show would know. Amile said it was K as in Howard K. Stern. Howard told him that he's got the wrong Howard Stern. Amile had no idea and said Jerry as his final answer. It's actually Allan. Amile had to rub Gary's feet again.
Howard wanted to give this guy an easy one. He asked Amile one last question, if he didn't get this one he was out of luck. He had Angelique take off her top to inspire Amile. She whipped them out and they were big balloons according to Howard. He then asked Amile to name one of his two parents. Amile claims that he's been listening to the show since 1988 but he wasn't able to come up with an answer. They gave him a lot of time to come up with an answer but he wasn't able to do it. Howard said he was busy staring at Angelique's boobs so he was distracted.
Howard gave Amile a hint and said that his father's name started with a B. Amile said ''Benjamin'' and got it right. The guys said that they shouldn't have given it to him but Howard said he wanted to see what he was going to do to her feet.
Howard had Amile go over to Angelique's feet to rub them down. Amile went over and everyone told him he had to stick to the feet and nothing else. Howard told him he'd have to get Ronnie in there if he went anywhere else. Amile started rubbing her feet and Angelique started moaning and pinching her nipples. She asked him to take her toe into his mouth so he did that and rubbed her feet for a couple of minutes.
Amile had a boner after that and Angelique's foot was soaking wet according to Howard. Howard told him that was a freaky thing to him. He said this is how you make dreams come true though.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy told Howard to get this guy off the air. Howard gave Angelique some plugs for her web site ClubAngeliqueMorgan.com.
Howard took some more calls and one guy asked her to ride the Sybian but she had been on it last time she was on and didn't want to do it again.
Artie asked Angelique how much it would cost to fuck her. She said she's not a hooker and he can't pay her to have sex with her. She said that she's a porn star, not a ''ook-air.'' She said that she might do something with him if they do it on film. Artie told her to meet her at the Four Seasons hotel this afternoon. She said that she'd do it if they can put it on DVD.
Amile asked if he could be on her DVD and she seemed to be okay with that. Artie asked her how much a blow job would cost. She said she doesn't have sex for money if a camera isn't around. Artie threw in one more question as Howard was ending the interview and asked how much it would cost to fist fuck Angelique. Howard wrapped up with them and went to break a short time later.
Ronnie came in and said that he was making a very personal phone call out in the hall, but down the hall from where they were shooting. He said that the next thing he knew, the camera was in his face. Gregg came in and said that Ronnie was swiping at his camera. He said that he wasn't doing anything wrong, Ronnie was right in the shot with Angelique and Amile and they have it all on tape. Doug Goodstein and Gregg both came in and said that they're going to pull the tape to prove that Ronnie was in the wrong.
Gregg said that Amile and Angelique were out there trying to take pictures with Artie and stuff and he walked down the ramp in the hall and Ronnie went off on him. He said that Ronnie just happened to be in the shot and he didn't want to be in it so he kept the camera on him, that's his job. Gregg said that there are other rooms he could go into if he wanted some privacy.
Howard said he thought he was going to throw up when he saw that guy kissing her foot. He said it was really wet and gross and then the guy wanted to shake his hand. He said he had to give him a power punch instead of shaking his hand. He made the guy put Purell on his hands too. Howard said that guy is crazy enough to work there.
Howard said he still doesn't understand the Ronnie thing. He wants to watch the tape to see what happened.
Howard had Mike get into his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Artie said that he was on line with a lot of big time writers and Steve wouldn't leave his side. He said that Norah Effron, Nicholas Pileggi and Bill Sheff were there walking the line but Steve stayed on him.
Steve said that they'll have more about that picket line story today on Howard 100 News. He said that he did speak to some of the other people walking the picket line.
Artie said he got to talk to Nick Pileggi about Henry Hill. Howard actually had Henry on the phone so he put him on with Artie. Artie said Nick was speaking highly of Henry and told him some stories about how he got to talk to Henry when he was in the witness protection program. He said Nick was kind of surprised that Henry calls into the show and doesn't worry about getting killed anymore. Artie said that Pileggi and his friend are all impressed by Howard's interviewing skills and how he's managed to get stuff out of Henry that no one else could.
Henry got in a plug for his art work that's available on www.ebay.com and then Howard let him go.
Howard said that Artie actually showed up to that picket line in a rickshaw. They had a picture of him in the rickshaw. Artie said that he stopped at an FYE store to get some headphones for his iPod and Steve was with him. He saw this guy stop by on the rickshaw and he got into the thing and took ride over there in that thing. The guy said that he couldn't take both him and Steve at the same time though. Artie said that the guy almost died because he was working so hard.
Howard said that he'd like to do a rickshaw thing just to get a workout. Artie said he could lose like 50 pounds doing that. Howard told him he should have put the kid in the back and given him a ride instead.
Artie said that he saw a bunch of big time writers over there at the picket line and there were a bunch of fans of the show there. That led to Howard talking about how they want him to do Letterman on December 3 but he really doesn't want to do it. He said he spoke to his agent about it and he said that the strike may not even be over by then. Howard said that he should hold out until after the strike. Howard really doesn't want to do the show.
JD said that he heard that they're booking and canceling guests over there so it's possible that he could get canceled at the last minute. Howard said he doesn't want to do it unless it's okay with the union. Robin thought he was all set to go but it sounds like he's booked on a maybe at this point.
Howard told Gary to call Toni and let her know she may have to doll him up for Letterman. That led to Artie talking about how he has to get his balding head sprayed in the back when he does talk shows. He said he spoke to a doctor about his hair loss and the guy thinks that he shouldn't lose much more in the front because he's already 40 years old and it hasn't gone away yet.
Artie said that he used to go to a comedy club in the city and this black hooker used to hang out there and complained about the Hasidic Jews in the city because they wear those full outfits in the summer and don't shower.
Ronnie came in and asked how he was possibly out of line. Howard said that they film in that hall and he has to get out of the way if they're filming out there. Ronnie said that no one else was in the hall and he didn't have to come up to him. Gregg came in and said that he was going to ask about the segment because he was part of that Amile and Angelique interview.
Ronnie said that Howard wouldn't take his side even if the ceiling fell on his head right in front of him. Ronnie walked away and left the studio. Gregg said that he knows that he's annoying sometimes but Ronnie freaks out more than anyone there. Even more than Artie.
Howard said that Ronnie is talking so loud on his phone in the hall that you can't hear what Angelique is saying. He said that Ronnie is screaming out for attention by doing that. He had the guys replay the clip and listened in as he was speaking loud and then Ronnie yelling at Gregg.
Gregg called Ronnie a douche and a spaz as he was walking away from him. Howard said that it's so professional in the building there. Artie said he remembers Gregg being really shy when he started there, now he's yelling at Ronnie and challenging him to fight.
Howard said he hates going to Letterman because it's freezing cold in the studio. He said his nose runs when he's out on stage. He said he may bring a space heater out with him so he can stay warm on stage.
Artie said he heard that the strike may not even be over before the end of the year. Howard hopes that happens so he won't have to do the show.
Robin said that she just got an invitation to an On Demand party but Howard said he's going to be away. Robin said she's going to be away too then. Howard said he heard that Doug and Rob from In Demand want to have dinner with him one night. He really doesn't want to do that. He said he doesn't want to go to dinner with him and Rob on a Thursday night. He said that Doug is the last person he wants to have dinner with during the week. Doug said he knows he's kidding.
Doug said that Rob knows that he can't come to the holiday party but he'd like to take him to dinner. Doug said that it's a good way to brain storm. Howard said he really doesn't want to do that. Howard said he saw the e-mail and deleted it, he just doesn't want to respond to it. Doug asked him if he just wants to go home and play chess. Howard said that's exactly what he wants to do.
Howard said he has no desire to brain storm with Doug and Rob. Doug said that they had a great dinner one other time and they need to do that again. Howard said he'll have a meeting with them but he doesn't want to eat. He said that he'll do a meeting no problem. He has one night to relax and he's not going to do dinner with those guys.
Howard said he thinks that Doug just doesn't want to go home to his wife and kid. Doug said that he loves to go home to them. Howard and Doug went back and forth on that stuff for a couple of minutes before he kicked Doug out. Doug said that he and Rob will bring a Howard Stern standee to dinner and pretend to talk to him. Howard said that he'd have Rob come out with him socially but he doesn't want to have a meeting at dinner.
Howard said that when he does go out to a dinner meeting, he's the one who does all of the talking and he never gets a chance to eat. He told Doug that if Rob wants to go out socially with him, he can call him and set something up. Doug didn't get why it was so far fetched to go out to dinner and do the same thing. Doug said that maybe he could eat first and then come out and watch he and Rob eat. Howard told him to get out, he was bored with the discussion.
Howard said that he really likes Rob and he'd hang out with the guy but he really doesn't want to go out to dinner and brain storm. He read the memo he got about this dinner and goofed on Doug some more. Doug came back in and tried to defend himself but Howard wanted him out. He said he was goofing on him behind his back and didn't want him in there.
Jon Hein then came in and ran down what they'd be covering today on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said that they'll talk about the Amile and Angelique's foot rubbing. They'll also talk about author David Levy and his robot talk, Howard and Doug's argument and more.
Mutt was on the line to promote Superfan Roundtable. He said they were going to have Lonny Heckman on but he passed away before they had the chance. He said that Ivy Supersonic will also be on to talk about her relationship with Benjy. Benjy said that she probably won't be doing that interview though. Howard thought Benjy was getting a little weird with that stuff and wondered what the hell was going on with him. Benjy said he's not getting controlling.
Howard had to take a break shortly after they started the news. They came back a few minutes later and Howard asked Robin to get back into her news so they could end the show. She was busy emailing someone about going to London. Robin read through a few more stories before Howard took a few phone calls. One guy asked Howard if he's going to do the Hitler moustache thing for Letterman. Howard said he could probably make that happen but he's not sure he's even doing the show yet.
Another caller asked Howard why Ronnie is on a personal phone call during the show and yelling at his cameraman. Howard said that it is kind of weird that Ronnie is on a cell phone call at that point. There are people wandering around the halls and he's busy on the phone. The caller thinks that Howard should sit Ronnie down and talk to him about that stuff.
Robin said that Scott the Engineer is another one who has bad judgment and she's not sure what he was doing earlier when he freaked out and almost went after Amile. Howard said that Scott knew what he was doing, he had all of them in there to stop him from getting into too much trouble.
Benjy's phone rang in the middle of the news so Howard figured that it was Ivy calling him every minute. Benjy shut the phone off and said he wasn't sure if it was or not.
Robin wrapped up her news a short time later and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started off the show talking about how busy the show was going to be. They had a Howard Stern trivia contest, Joan Rivers and more. They also had a contest going on where they had to call Joan Rivers to try and prank call her show. Benjy got on and got in three calls. He was even able to get into her studio as a gay rabbi. He told Joan that visiting her show was one of the things that he wanted to do before he died.
Gary came in and said that Benjy called in as a gay guy and started to cry talking about his life. Howard said he tried calling last night, didn't get through and later found out that she wasn't on the air because a Knicks game was on instead. Benjy was the only one who got through.
Howard said that Gary told him they have a mystery guest today and he's walking around like it's a really big deal. Howard said he was going to guess that it was his dentist because he said it was someone really big.
Howard said he had a few things to get to and read a couple of quick tabloid stories about Mariah Carey, Paul Reiser and some other stuff. That led to him talking about NBC and how they're thinking about selling off their stations and just concentrating on their advertising. He said there's a lot of stuff going on that could change the TV networks over the next few years and they need to make some changes.
Howard said he likes to see that people who make it in the entertainment business make some good money. He was referring to Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt who were holding out for a lot of money on their NBC show. He said that it's a good thing when they hold out like that and get paid what they're worth.
Howard said that the first person to buzz in with their fart buzzers would get to answer first. They all tested their buzzers and then got into the game. Howard got right into it after that. Here are the questions and answers:
Howard and some of the contestants had a couple more questions that didn't count in the game. Here they are:
Robin said this guy is out of his mind. He never spoke to her when he saw her. It turns out this guy has been asking to find this girl on other radio stations as well. Joe said that the girl was with her parents and it looked like her mother was in a wheelchair. Howard said that they do reach 18 million people so maybe they can help this guy out.
Howard muted his voice from Joe and said that he was going to mess with him. Joe gave some more details about the girl and said she looked a little like Nancy Kerrigan and he's even got a web site dedicated to finding her.
Howard took a call from a woman claiming to be the woman that the guy was looking for. It was a set up to goof on the guy though. The woman said she's got black hair, she's 5'6'' tall and her mother has MS. Joe said that he would give Howard $1,000 if this was the right girl. She told Howard that she would like to go out with this guy but she has some problems that she had to reveal first.
The woman, Tracy, said that she had cancer when she was younger and she has a colostomy bag now. She wanted to know if that was okay with Joe. Joe said he didn't want to answer that one. She said that she still looks the same, it's no different. Joe didn't have much else to say after that. He seemed stumped.
Joe said that if this is the girl he saw, it would be no problem. He found it hard to believe that they found her though. Howard tried to convince him that it was really her. Tracy then told Joe that she had kids and the kids were with her brother and father. She said that she had consensual sex with both her brother and father and had kids from them.
Joe wasn't falling for all of this. He seemed to get that it was a joke and refused to believe that it was really the girl he was looking for. Joe asked Howard to give out his web page since he didn't know if this was actually the woman. Howard told him to get out of here and get ready to go clean a colostomy bag. Joe hung up after that so Howard went to commercial break.
Howard asked Joan if she had more plastic surgery because she's obviously full of plastic surgery. Joan said that she has had a few things done. She said that she's had liposuction done one time and nothing is where it started at on her body.
Howard said that he'd like to get lipo on his stomach. Joan said that he should get it done and told him that she was awake when she had hers done and was even standing up at the time. Howard said he knew a guy who had it done and he had hard bumps on his stomach. Joan said that she was very happy during the procedure. She said that she had a nice nurse but it looked like a 1930s German film as it was going on.
Howard told Joan about this bet they had going on there with the interns. They were all invited to call Joan's show and prank her. Benjy was the one who got through. Howard tried calling himself last night but wasn't able to get through. He said his sister told him that Joan wasn't even on, there was a Knicks game on instead.
Benjy got through on Thursday night and Joan was talking about how great the show was when he came in live. Howard had Benjy come into the studio so he could play his calls and his appearance on her show. Benjy said that he called in as Gay Ronnie, Russian Corey and Southern Benjamin. He made a bunch of different calls and had her fooled each time.
Howard said that he and Fred used to prank calls all the time years ago. He went on to play some clips of Benjy calling in as Gay Ronnie. He told Joan how great she was as a host and kissed her ass a little bit. Then he broke down crying after Joan gave him some life advice. Howard told Benjy he was a great actor. Benjy said that she actually made him feel better even though he wasn't really gay.
Benjy said they had to edit the call down because it lasted about 20 minutes. Howard said he'd love to hear the whole call when they have some time to listen to it. He said that Joan actually found Benjy a date during the show. Howard played some of that discussion where Joan asked Ronnie to call back in if he wanted to date this guy.
Benjy also called into Joan's show as a guy from South Carolina. He told her how great she was and told her he wanted to meet her. Benjy said he had to beg Dorothy to let him up there because she told him that Joan wasn't serious about letting him come up. Howard played some of the audio of Benjy up in the studio being interviewed by Joan after that.
Howard thanked Benjy for that and told him to get out of there. He said he heard that Benjy was on her show for about 1/4 of the whole show.
Howard spent some time talking to Joan about her late husband Edgar and asked if he was well endowed. She said that he was great and she would walk out bow legged on the Tonight Show. She said that she has a boyfriend now but she won't marry again.
Howard took some phone calls from some guys who were throwing in some jokes about her plastic surgery. One guy said that she's been pulled back so far that she's going to have to start shaving. Joan didn't seem to mind the goofing around though.
Howard talked to Joan about going over to Africa and what she did over there. She said she really enjoyed being over there. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later and gave her some plugs for the show that she and her daughter Melissa were going to be doing. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard took some phone calls and let some of the fans talk to Joan. He ended up getting back to Joan's trip to Africa and spent a couple more minutes talking about that as well. He wrapped up and was about to go to break but Joan invited him to Melissa's wedding first. It was coming up in December and Howard said he was looking forward to that. Howard wasn't sure if he could come if she was going to have all of her friends there. He said that people like Kathie Lee Gifford don't want him at events like that.
Howard wrapped up with Joan a short time later and said that he had the mystery guest coming in soon. Joan was about to tell him who it was but he asked her not to. They went to break after that.
Gary told Howard that he's not really an enemy of the show but he's never avoided the chance to attack the person. Robin thought it was Bill Cosby. Howard said that he didn't mean it if he did bad mouth him. He said that he feels that he's not so talented himself and that's why he attacks others. Howard guessed that it was Tom Snyder but then he snickered.
Howard guessed it was George Clooney after Robin asked one of her questions. He was right so everyone took their masks off. Howard said he didn't think that he ever bad mouthed him. He said that he's really a good looking guy in person. He said that Robin was looking him over like she was in love. Howard told George that his Batman movie was great after that. Robin said that he really is a back peddler.
Howard said that the guy who made that Batman movie, Joel Schumacher, really ruined it. George took credit for ruining the whole series with that movie. Howard told him it wasn't his fault. He said it was the director. He said that the guy doesn't understand the franchise.
Howard asked George who he's banging on E.R. These days. George said that he's doing them all. Howard asked him how much he got paid to do Batman. George said it was only $3 million. Jackie has hung out with George before and he's been working to get him on the show for years.
Howard asked George about his marriage and how long that lasted. George said it was only 3 years. Howard said he can't imagine what it must be like to be his penis. He went out with Kelly Preston for a while. George said he's got a new girlfriend now and she's French. He joked that she's turning 16 next year. He also talked about having a black girlfriend. Howard said he reminds him of a honey bee because he dips into every flower.
Howard asked George about working on E.R. and how he gets through all of the medical terms he has to use. George said he memorizes the lines but he has to write some of the medical stuff down on the bodies that he's around. He said that stuff is hard to learn.
Howard took some phone calls for George and let the fans talk to him. One guy asked if Robin was going to start dating this celebrity. Robin said she'd love to do that. Howard asked George if he was getting laid in high school. George said he did and he also said he lost his virginity at 15. He said that he thinks the girl was older than him but only by a couple of years.
Gary said that George told him that he had a strange reaction to the show when they first started out in L.A. George said he had tuned in and heard Mark Harris being interviewed and actually wrote a letter to KLSX and wondered why they brought Howard Stern to Los Angeles. He said about 6 months later he was listening every day and enjoying it. Howard said he gets a lot of hate mail when they go into new markets and people are always asking them to remove him. He said it happens in every city. The people eventually love him though.
George said that the love took about 6 months for him. He said it went from hatred to love over time. Howard took some more phone calls after that and let some more fans talk to George. He also spent some more time talking to him about the famous women he's banged over the years. They talked about Kelly Preston some more. Howard asked how long he went out with her. George said it was about a year and a half.
Robin said that George has eclipsed his dad in show business. Howard said he didn't even know who his dad was and never heard of Nick Clooney. Gary came in and told Howard that George's father wrote an article in 1994 about Howard's show for the Cincinnati Post. Howard got the article from Gary and read through that. The guy sounded like a real hard ass to Howard after he read the first line or two.
Howard took some more phone calls and had a few more callers asking questions. One guy asked if George got to bang the chicks on ''The Facts of Life'' show. He jokingly said he was working his way through all of the girls on the show. A guy claiming to be a paparazzi called in and said that he thinks that George uses Princess Diana's death for his own purposes. George defended himself but said he didn't want to get into that with him. He did go on to talk about the way the paparazzi follow people around and complained about that a little bit.
Howard asked George about E.R. and if he's going to stick around there. He said that he may leave. He was saying that he gets about $35,000 per episode and Howard thought that was kind of low. Robin said that they have a huge cast though so they have a lot of people to pay.
Howard took a call from a woman who was only 17 years old. She ended up telling Howard that she was with a guy and she was pretending that she was in bed with George. Howard thought it was a disturbing story and let her go.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she had given George her number one time and he never called her back. She went to AJ Benza and told him about what had gone on and she was upset that he never called back. She said that she stayed up for days waiting for him to call her back. She said that he actually asked for her number, it wasn't like she just gave it to him. Howard said that George gets a lot of women and maybe she wasn't quite up to his standards.
George's cousin Miguel called in and said that George used to bang fat chicks but he just said that to get himself through to Howard. He spent a minute talking to him and then let him go.
Howard wondered why George was there this morning. He wasn't there to promote anything. Howard asked him a little more about what he does when he's not working. George said he goes out to bars and stuff and hangs out.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what it's like to work with a nig*er. He claimed that he wasn't racist but asked George if he has to watch his keys and walled during the shoot. George didn't answer and let Howard handle the guy.
Howard asked George who he's hanging with these days. He mentioned a couple of people that Howard didn't recognize. Howard wrapped up with him and asked what he was doing in New York. George said he had a couple of meetings in the city.
Howard read that George had taken a dump in a cat litter box one time. That led to George telling a story about staying with a friend and fooling him into thinking that his cat wasn't crapping in the box. He'd scoop it every time himself and after a couple of weeks of thinking he didn't crap, George took a dump in the box making the guy think that his cat had crapped that giant crap out itself. Howard wrapped up with George a short time later and let him go.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone and spent a minute talking to him about George Clooney before moving on to the game. They had a special guest in the studio to play the game. Her name was Tara. Howard spent a minute talking to her and then got to Mike's game. Mike gives us 4 gossip stories. 3 of them are real, one is false. Try to pick the false one:
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Tara and found out that she was in the National Enquirer with Charlie Sheen one time. She said she didn't like his lifestyle and had to break it off with him after a while.
Howard also talked to Mike about judging the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contests and how he gets away with that with his wife. Mike said that it's just work for him so that's the excuse he uses for that. He spent a few minutes talking about how hot some of the women were and how one year they had a really hot looking girl but she turned out to be 14 years old and had to be disqualified.
Tara gave Howard a poster of herself where she's topless but not showing everything. Howard said that she's really hot. Tara said that her name is Tara Ashley but Howard knew it was fake so she said that it's actually Tara Phillips. Howard told her to stick with her real name, that one works just fine. He wrapped up after that and went to break.
Howard said he had the actual top 5 songs to play. He played Everclear's ''I Will Buy You A New Life'' as number 5, then The Verve's ''Bittersweet Symphony'' and then Fastball's ''The Way'' and Green Day's ''Time of Your Life'' and finally, at number one, ''Sex And Candy'' by Marcy Playground.
Howard said that Robin really likes to do the countdown thing. She said she's really into that stuff. She said she does love it. Howard had some other songs to play from some other charts. He played the number 5 song on the pop chart. It was ''Truly Madly Deeply'' by Savage Garden. Number 4 was ''My Father's Eyes'' by Eric Clapton. Number 3 was ''Tell Him'' then there was Madonna's ''Ray of Light'' and Celine Dion's ''My heart Will GO Out.''
Howard asked Andy if he could get on a regular phone so he could hear him. Andy said that he had just gotten up and he was going to go work out. Gary said he heard that he'd been up all night. Howard asked Andy if he was drinking this morning. Andy said that was the least of his worries.
Howard said he thinks that Andy is more into guys than girls but Robin said she's not so sure about that. Howard said that there's no such thing as being ''a little gay'' or ''a little straight.'' Andy said he was going to come in there and prove that he's not gay.
Howard told Andy to come up there sometime and he'll talk to him in person about all of this stuff. Andy kept going though and told him about the two kids he had with his girlfriend of 7 years. Howard said he knows guys who have been married for 20 years and are still gay.
Gary came in and said he heard some news about Andy. He said he lives in his house with his girlfriend, his ex wife and another girl and he's had kids with all of them. Andy said that's only half true. He said he'd fill them in on the rest of that when he comes in. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that he wants to see Andy bang both a woman and a guy and prove whatever it is he wants to prove. He had Robin get into her news after that.
Howard let that guy go and heard that Andy Dick was back on the phone. Andy got back on and said that he just wanted to make sure everything was okay. He was all mellow all of a sudden and then got very loud when Gary said he had another story about him.
Gary said he heard that Andy went to do a public access show out in L.A. and he heard that he was doing coke all night. Andy said he was promised an 8 ball of coke that night and he really didn't want it. He said he can't work out the way he does if he's on coke. Howard said that might be true but then thought about it and said that he could very well be doing coke.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed that he had dated Andy. Andy denied it and said that he had never head anyone with an accent that heavy. He said he had never been in Central Park either and that's where the guy claimed he met Andy. Andy said that he really can't stomach liars. Howard let that guy go after that.
Howard asked Andy about Chris Farley and being friends with him. He asked if he partied with him and did coke and pot with him. Andy said he'd known him for years before he died. He then claimed that he doesn't get high that often.
Howard told Andy to come in there sometime which led to Andy making some ''come'' jokes. Howard let him go a short time later. He said that guy is funny and they really have to get him in there.
Robin got back into her news and read through some more stories. She read one about Elvis which led to Howard doing his Elvis impression for a few minutes. Robin informed Elvis that his daughter had married Michael Jackson so he said that she must have said something really stupid there, that couldn't possibly be true.
Howard took another break during the news and when he came back he was watching the E! network and said that they had some hot chick on there in a bathing suit. He said that's what E! has turned into these days, they have hot chicks all over the channel. Robin got back into her news after that quick discussion.
Robin was reading through some stuff when Fred started to play some clips of Howard's mom to interrupt her. That got Jackie laughing pretty hard. He was also cracking up after Robin read a story about an artificial sphincter that had been implanted in a guy up in Toronto. Fred threw in some sound effects during that discussion that made it pretty disgusting sounding. He had farts, squishing sounds and more. Howard joked that when the guy farts his garage door opens. Jackie couldn't stop laughing through that story.
Andy Dick called back in again late in the news and Howard let him on to say goodbye to everyone. Andy said he had been waiting on hold the whole time. He said his goodbyes to everyone and Howard said he'd call him personally this weekend if he leaves his number there. Andy said he had left his number with Gary already. He said he'd leave another number for his own house instead of his friend's house if he wanted.
Howard asked Andy if he likes Judy Garland or show tunes. Andy said he had to think about who Judy was. He said he doesn't like show tunes. He wondered if that's all Howard is going to talk about. Howard said that if he had something else to talk about, he'd talk about that. He asked him if his last name is really Dick. Andy said it really is.
Andy said that he's going to take the red eye out there to come and see Howard right then. Howard told him he'd love to see him with his body all oiled up. He joked that he had fecal incontinence since that was one of the stories that Robin was talking about. He then went on to talk about how he wanted to rub Andy down and shave his legs for him. Andy asked him to shave his scrotum. Howard spent a few more minutes with Andy before he ended the show. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:15am (Master Tape Theatre time).