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Howard started off the show talking about Ellen Degeneres who is getting a ton of crap thrown at her because she's doing her show even though her writers are on strike. Robin said she read that she was saying she's contractually obligated to do her show so she has to do it. Howard wondered why people like Letterman and Leno aren't doing their shows if that's the case. Robin said that maybe they're considered writers and Ellen isn't. Howard said Ellen can do her show because she really doesn't need writers to do what she does. Artie said that people like that usually fight to get writer's credits on the show but maybe she didn't.
Artie said that Greg Fitzsimmons was telling him that he thinks this strike is going to go on a long time. Howard said that might be good for him, that way he won't have to do Letterman like he was supposed to. He said that Scott Greenstein called him and said he might not get on and he pretended that he was upset about it. He's hoping that the writers hold out until at least next year.
Howard said that Ellen did go back to do her show and she had to acknowledge that she was doing the show without her writers. She's all caught up in the whole thing and said that she was standing out in the audience as a way of showing her support of the writers. Howard played the clip where she was talking to her audience and making some weird ''Ca, ca, ca, cahhhhhh'' sounds that no one understood. Howard said that it might be speaking Klingon or something. He said he had some Klingon tapes that someone had sent him and in that audio clip they teach you some words that sound similar.
Howard got back to Ellen and played more of her talking about her writers. Ellen said that she was doing her monolog from the audience as a way of showing support for her writers. Howard and the guys goofed on her about the ''Ca, ca, ca, cahhhh'' thing a little bit. Howard listened to more of her show opening where she talks about the writers not being there and how she wasn't doing a monolog because of that. She rambled on and on about why she was doing this and Howard asked who watches this show. She was basically saying that she cares for her audience so much that she was doing the show to make their trip there as enjoyable as possible.
Howard played more of the Klingon clips and said they might need a Klingon channel there at SIRIUS. He said he'll talk to Scott Greenstein about that today. Robin asked Howard if he heard the commercial about the stockholders being asked to vote by tomorrow. Howard said he got one of those things and wondered why Robin hadn't gotten anything. They got sidetracked when Howard brought up Robin's latest date with Jim Florentine.
Howard had Fred doing his Jim Florentine impression and talking about how he was knuckle deep by a certain song in the concert. He said he'd lost his watch in there so Howard pretended to pull it out while they were talking about it. Fred played some audio clips that made it sound like Howard was trying to pull something out of a tight spot. Howard said that Dr. Roni was also inside Robin so he pulled her out too.
The caller said that Jim's hands were nowhere to be seen when he was with Robin. Howard said that Jim was talking about the date on Miserable Men last night. Artie said that Jim wasn't kissing and telling at the show they did on Saturday night.
Howard played some of the audio of Jim talking to Shuli and Bob Levy about the date. Jim said he asked Robin to go to the concert with him and she agreed to go. Jim said he got the tickets himself. Howard asked Robin how the seats were. She said they were great seats and they were in row E. Howard figured that Robin was used to really great seats and didn't think they could have been that close. He said that Jim must have had to do a lot of gigs to afford the seats he got for them.
Howard played another clip of Bob and Shuli asking Jim about the date and if Jim got a kiss or anything like that. Bob asked if they held hands when walking down the ramp. Jim said that they may have and Shuli went a little crazy when he heard that. Robin said they sounded like 12 year olds acting the way they were.
Jim talked about going out to eat with Robin before dinner and a fan offered to pay for dinner. Shuli said he liked the hand holding thing. Jim said that you can't let a woman walk through that crowd because there are thousands of Brian Phelan types there.
Howard said that it's a big deal that Jim took her hand in public like that. He said you don't grab a girl's hand unless it's serious. He said that it was a good excuse saying that it was to get her through the crowd. Howard said that he thinks that Jim and Robin have fucked at this point.
Howard said that Bob Levy got into a discussion about masturbating to Robin's image. He played the audio where Bob talks about how he'd just done it two nights ago and dropped the load on the floor. Bob says that his fantasy is to go into Robin's booth and he gets locked in there and can't get out. She reads her news and then he jerks off while she does that. Then Howard asks him ''Anything else Bob?''
Howard said that this dating thing with Florentine has gone on for quite a while now. Robin said that they've had three dates. Howard wondered what Jim is going to have to do to keep this going.
Robin said that David Lee Roth sounded really good doing his thing at the concert. She said that Eddie is still doing his thing too and sounding great. She said that his son plays well too and they all seem to be having a good time up on stage when they're performing. She said that Alex Van Halen really works his ass off too. She said she was fine without Michael Anthony being there. She said it was fun watching Eddie playing with his son.
Robin said that Jim grabbed her hand when a bunch of people recognized her all of a sudden there at the concert. That led to Fred singing ''I Will Always Love You'' as Jim Florentine. He said he's like the retarded Kevin Costner from ''The Bodyguard.''
Howard said it looked like Robin was wearing a whole new outfit this morning. Robin said that she's just reclaiming her old clothes from her closet. Robin said she's just wearing jeans and a little top.
Howard asked her if that was the first time that Jim had taken her hand in public. She said it probably was. She said she wasn't all that shocked when he did it. She said that Jim did start to get into it with a woman they saw selling t-shirts. She said the woman was really big and he was giving her a hard time about the shirt saying that it wasn't all that nice and he didn't like it. Artie said that Jim fucks with people in an extreme way and she's going to see a lot of that. Robin said she was ready to run off while that was going on because she didn't want him pissing the woman off.
Howard said that Jim taking Robin's hand is a big deal and a step in the relationship. Robin wasn't making a big deal out of it. She said she doesn't have deep feelings for him and they're just friends. Howard said that taking her to the concert and holding her hand might mean that he's expecting to get laid. Robin said she didn't think that was the case at all. She said she didn't kiss Jim at the concert or anything like that. Howard was throwing questions out about the relationship and she wasn't making a big deal out of any of it.
Howard found out that Jim had picked Robin up at her house and wondered if he was in the house. Robin said that he did come in for a second. He was just waiting for her to get her keys and stuff. Fred went into his Jim impression and said that he was in her house for a second, in her bedroom for a second and in her vagina for a second. They had some fun goofing on Robin taking coffee enemas and how her house probably smelled like coffee when Jim was there.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Robin some questions about her being upset if she saw Jim with another woman. Robin said she'd be surprised and she might be upset if he was with another woman. He thinks that she's in love with Jim if that's the case. Robin said she's not saying she definitely would be, she'd just be surprised. She said she was actually trying to say that she'd be surprised at her feelings if she was upset with Jim dating another woman. Artie said that means that he's fucked because she doesn't care that much about him.
King asked Robin about the ride to the concert and if there's awkward silences and stuff. Robin said that they have no problem talking on the ride there and at any time. Howard eventually thanked King for the call and let him go. He had other calls to take after that.
One caller said that Robin was sitting about 15 rows back on the side of the stage. Robin said that Jim asked her where she wanted to sit and that's where she picked. She said that she wanted to be able to sit down and watch instead of standing up and watching. The caller asked what kind of car Jim drives. She said that it was an old car with different colored doors but then said that it was actually a Honda. She had no problem riding in that car though.
Howard asked Robin if she kissed Jim goodnight. She said she did give him a little peck on the cheek but that was it. Howard didn't believe it. She eventually broke down and said it was a peck on the lips. Howard said he bets that Jim touched her tits. Robin said he may have brushed his arm on them but that's it. Howard asked how they're going to make that move to the sexual aspect of the relationship. Robin said that they don't even see each other a lot.
Howard said that there's something going on there and he's not sure what it is. Artie ended up talking about how Jim used to be known as Jammin' Jim back when he was first starting out. Howard said that Jim was actually on the show as Jammin Jim many years ago when he came in with Vinnie Mazzeo Jr. Artie said that there are some comedy clubs where they still have his old pictures hanging up. He had long hair back then and he was ''jammin.''
Artie was goofing on the guy and singing a song about his ass gently weeping. Howard told Ed that people really liked him on the show so he thanked him for coming in.
Howard said that this Conan O'Brien stalker guy is really weird. He's a priest who is stalking Conan and he also says that he's really into Faye Dunaway and Paul Simon. He read about him in the paper over the weekend and talked about the weird stuff that came out about him chasing after Conan. Artie said that is some scary shit there.
Howard asked Ed if he's a stalker. Ed said he's not. Artie told him that they were talking about a creepy guy and Ed was the only creepy guy nearby to ask. Howard let Ed go a short time later. Howard suggested they call him Weeping Anus Ed instead of Ass Napkin Ed. Robin suggested Ass Weeping Ed instead so they went with that.
Eric was going off on Artie and his weight after Artie goofed on him about his scripts. Howard said that he likes that Eric isn't writing even though he's not in the writer's guild. He said that Eric could still write and just save it. Eric wondered why they're not on strike and supporting them. Howard said that they're not in the Writer's Guild. Howard said he didn't write a movie or anything, he just wrote his book.
Artie said he did think about going to a picket line himself. Howard said that he wishes that they could go on strike so they could have another break. Eric told him he takes enough breaks as it is. Artie said that he is in the writer's guild and he's been in it for a long time. He got writer credits on MAD TV. He said that he could see going to one of those picket lines. Howard said that they should just take off some time to show their support for the writers. Eric said that's what they're doing next week. Howard said that's right, they're going to be off next week in support of the writers.
Eric said that the scripts that he sent in there were all written by him, not by Johnny Fratto. He said that his friend Courtney edited them, that's why they seemed like they weren't written by him.
Howard took some phone calls and Hanzi said that he'd like to buy Eric's script for $1.5 million. He hadn't even read it yet but he figured it was gold either way. Howard said that they should buy it and turn it into the next big Howard TV show thing. Howard said they have the Miss Howard Stern Show running on there and maybe they could produce Eric's script next. He said he'd do that.
Howard asked Eric what his scripts are about so they could get an idea of what they needed to do to make this movie. Eric said that one of them is about his relationship with this woman he's been seeing on the internet lately. Howard said that he might not be able to get the actual people, like his girl Christine and Diana Degarmo, to play their parts. He said that he didn't even have his real wife in his movie, he had Mary McCormack playing her. Eric said that he'd like to have Christine playing her own part in the movie.
Howard asked Eric what his second script was about. Eric said that in that one Diana Degarmo plays the daughter of a mob boss. Howard said he was confused by that description after a couple of sentences and said he's going to stick to the first script.
Howard asked Doug Goodstein if they have any budget to make something like that. Doug said that they can put something together. They can get a director to do it too. Eric started talking over Doug so Doug said that he's glad he's so excited and called him a little prick. Eric said he was contacted about the Dougie the Puggie story getting published too.
Howard asked Eric more about these movies and Eric said he wrote these things just to get himself into movies so he wants to be in them. Howard told him a couple of times that he was definitely in. He wasn't going to keep him out of his own movies.
Doug asked Eric if he has a budget in mind for the movie. Howard said ''oh come on'' and said that Eric doesn't have that worked out. They have to work all of that out. Eric just recently wrote the outline, he hasn't gotten in that deep. Howard said that they may be able to get some real actors to appear in this thing. They could have John Stamos playing the part of Diana Degarmo according to Robin. Howard said they might be able to get someone like Lisa Lampanelli to play the part of Christine. He said they may actually be able to get someone like Tori Spelling or Melissa Gilbert to play the part. Eric said that Tori would be good.
Howard told Eric to get started on the script and wondered how long it's going to take. Eric said that he just got the outline done. Howard told him to keep it to like 30 pages, not 90 like most movies. Eric said that he may be able to do that. Robin told him to meet the demands that they've asked him to.
Howard had Scarlet Johansen on the phone to say that she wanted to be part of the whole thing. It was actually Richard Christy and Eric said that it would help to be the real Scarlet. Howard told her that they'd be in touch with her and let Richard go. Howard said he may be able to get Benicio Del Toro to appear in this movie. He said he may be able to get some other big stars like Tobey Maguire to appear in it. Robin said he should play the part of Eric the Midget but Howard thinks that Eric is going to play Eric.
Howard said that he wants Eric to get busy on the script. He said he'll even help him out with it. He's not going to direct for him or anything. He said he might be able to get Tobey Maguire to play the part of the cop who arrests Eric for harassment.
Howard wrapped up with Eric and told him to get busy writing this script. Eric was busy cracking jokes about Artie and his fat ass.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that they have to make this movie for real. Howard told her that they will, as long as Eric writes this script. He let her go and took a call from High Pitch Eric who was pretending to be Judith Regan the book publisher. He was going off on Eric saying that he wanted to choke him with a balloon because he was boring him. He was supposed to be calling in about buying his book but he said that wasn't working for him now.
Howard let Eric go and told him to let him know when they can begin filming. He said he was being serious. Eric said he would and he's hoping to hear from Christine this afternoon. Howard took some calls after that and one guy said that Eric is crossing the picket line by saying he's going to write something if he's on strike. Eric said he didn't commit to anything though. Howard told him he's got to be ready to start filming on January 1. Eric said that they're not even going to be on the air then. Howard said that Howard TV never sleeps so they'll be ready.
Another caller brought up how Beth was on Fox and Friends over the weekend talking about this puppy mill that had like 1000 dogs that they took in at the North Shore Animal league. She was on trying to help get some of the dogs adopted and they got thousands of calls after that.
Robin asked if Beth was talking about how she's available and tried to find her a date. She said that she was just joking around. Howard didn't get it and wondered if she's in a relationship with Jim or not. Howard said that if he goes on Letterman he'd do that for her, he'll put the word out that she's single if she wants him to. Howard thanked Eric for the call and went to break a short time later.
Artie said he heard that Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be doing regular shows there too. Howard said that Greg is going to be in tomorrow to talk about that. He said that Greg's dad used to be a radio guy that he used to goof on. He wonders how Greg can like him after he goofed on him for so long. He said that Greg was saying that his father didn't care about that stuff and neither does he.
Howard said that Mike Morse had written a song parody about Jim and Robin dating called ''Back Hole Fun.'' He played some of that for her and talked about how fun some of those songs are. Shuli said that Mike is the number 1 contributor to the Miserable Men show.
Howard wondered why Robin was pissed off at JD. She said that she was just giving him ''the business.'' JD came in and said he thinks that she's upset with him giving Artie the news about Jim and Robin's date. JD said that he wasn't the one who forwarded the note to the guys. Everyone thought he said ''farted out'' and not forwarded out. They goofed on his mumbles for a short time before Howard let him go.
Lisa said that Artie left something out about the joke he told about Robin and Jim. IT was something dirty that she didn't want to say. Howard wanted her to tell the joke. She thought she was going to screw it up though. She said that Artie said that it would be nice if Robin blew Jim because it would finally get her to shut the fuck up.
Howard played another Mike Morse song parody to the tune of Van Halen's ''Jump'' called ''Hump.'' Artie said that he can tell that Jim really likes Robin. He talked to him the other night and asked him how things are going. Jim thinks that things are going very well and he really seems to like her company. Howard said that Jim really liked Robin when she was heavier too so he must get some bonus points for that. Robin said that she might lose him because maybe he's a chubby chaser. Artie told her to keep doing what she's doing, he doesn't think that's the case.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she thinks that Robin loves all of this attention. She didn't think that Robin was mad at JD or anyone else. Artie said that he was shaking hands at one of his shows over the weekend and Mariann was there. He thought he was just shaking the hand of a hot chick and didn't realize it was Mariann. Mariann thought that Artie was just kissing her ass and he didn't think that way about her. Artie said he wasn't kissing any ass, he had no reason to.
Lisa said that Artie said that he had Type 2 Diabetes at the show last night. Artie said he was just saying that, he really doesn't. He did get some results from his blood tests and the doctor told him that he should try to stop drinking and stuff for at least 6 months because his liver needs some recovery time. Artie said that he's been drinking his entire life and he's got to let it recover a little bit.
Howard asked Artie how he's been doing with the diet. Artie said that he really needed a weekend off. He said that his diet actually lasted about a total of 40 hours or so. Howard said that the Subutex stuff can't be helping either. He read that it makes you really hungry. Artie said he's not sure about that. He said that he took Lithium one time and it made him really crave sugar. He said that he used to eat a lot of icing and stuff.
Lisa said that Artie told the crowd that Grandma Caprio is in the hospital. Artie said that his sister wasn't telling him the whole story and he's not sure why they'd hold it back from him. She was telling him that his mother didn't want him to know that before the show.
Howard went into his Grandma Caprio impression after he warned Artie he was going to do it. Artie said that he was going to go into his Beth asking for kids impression if he did that. Howard did the impression and talked about Artie getting back together with Dana and stuff like that. Robin asked Artie if he's spoken to Dana lately. Artie said that he did call her on her birthday the other day. He said that he told a joke about how he was going to have sex with a black hooker on her birthday to celebrate. Howard stayed in his Grandma Caprio impression for a couple of minutes.
Artie said that he hasn't spoken to Grandma Caprio since she went to the hospital. He said she's unconscious at this point so she wouldn't even hear him. Lisa said that she'd like to know what he said to Dana. Artie said she had called him on his 40th birthday too so that's why he caller her. He asked her if she's seeing anyone and she claims that she's not. He said he didn't ask her out or anything either. That led to Howard doing a Dana impression. He was saying that she's not seeing anyone except for Jim Florentine, oops, sorry Robin. Then Artie went into his Beth impression and said that she's going to be asking for kids soon. Then it was Dana and Beth talking to each other. Artie and Howard were going back and forth on their megaphones saying stuff to each other in their female voices.
Benjy was passing some jokes to Artie but Howard pointed out that his face was all blotchy and wondered what was going on there. Benjy said he's not sure but he needs some help to get rid of it.
Lisa said that she spoke to Richard Christy's best friend who Richard cried over recently. She'll have more on that today. She also said that Jeff the Drunk's ass has healed completely according to his doctor. They'll have more on that as well.
A caller asked Howard about smelly thongs and that led to him saying that he went out jogging this weekend and smelled his shorts to see if it smelled like ass. Howard asked Lisa if she's ever smelled her thong. Her reaction was pretty much an ''Ewww!'' and she claims that she's never done that. Howard let her go a short time later.
Brian said that the corporations speak out of both sides of their mouths all the time. They talk about how much money they make selling their shows online but then they turn around and tell the writers that they're not sure that they're going to make any money. He said that the writers get nothing from the online downloads and all they want is something like a penny for each download and the networks don't want to pay. It's that simple.
Howard said that he can see the network's side of this and how they could say that they put up tons of money to produce these shows while the writers get paid even if they fail. He said that they have to try and show their shows wherever they can make money. He said that if they want a piece of the action maybe they should put up some money too. Brian said that the studios tired to make that argument when VHS and DVD came into the market. They didn't want to pay them on 100% of the sales. He said that writers get 4 cents on each DVD or VHS that's sold. It's not a lot of money.
Howard asked Brian if he's upset about Ellen Degeneres continuing to do her show. He said that he is upset with her because it's not going to help them end the stirke if they continue to work. Howard said that they are just doing a talk show though. Brian said that Ellen is a WGA member.
Howard said that there's already a system set up to pay these writers and there already is a history with this stuff out there and they really should be able to come to a settlement.
Artie told Brian that he really liked the Ocean's movies and he's looking forward to getting the latest one on DVD. Brian and his partner wrote that one and Artie was very impressed with it.
Gary came in and told Howard that Sal was out doing some interviews with some writers and being really annoying with them. Howard played a clip of Sal asking one writer about holding up a sign that had writing on it. The writer said he didn't write that himself. Sal also asked him if he would sign his signature if a UPS guy asked him to do that. The writer said that's not writing, that's signing your name. The guy told Sal that this was so frivolous and it's actually a serious thing. Sal asked him if he thinks it should be called a ''typer's strike'' instead of a writer's strike because they really type these days. The guy argued with Sal as if he were serious about it. He told Sal that he ain't funny and wished him luck with whatever career he gets into.
Wolf asked if Robin would be more attracted to Gary or Ronnie if they were in the studio with their shirts off. Howard called in them in and wanted them to get topless. Gary told him he was nuts and didn't want to do it. Gary said he doesn't care what Robin thinks of him. Neither did Ronnie. Neither of them wanted to take their shirts off.
Howard asked Ronnie to pull up his shirt. He showed Howard that he doesn't have a six pack. Artie offered to stand next to them with his shirt off if they wanted. Gary said that they're doing a radio show here. Robin said he doesn't think that when the girls are getting topless in there. Sal and Richard took their shirts off in Gary's office to try and help things out.
Gary said that he's sure that his shirtless body will end up on the free Howard TV thing that his kids might see. Everyone eventually took their shirts off and Gary didn't look all that bad according to Robin. She did pick Ronnie over him though. Robin told Ronnie he's looking really good but Howard said that he had some dirt on his arms. He realized he was mistaken and it was actually tattoos.
Howard said that Artie is getting man tits. He used to just be fat without the tits but now he's got side tit. Benjy has had those side tits for a while now. Fred had his shirt off too and Robin said that he looked like a young Christopher Reeve. Fred said he's still boxing and that really helps him stay in shape.
Wolf asked how high Gary had his underwear pulled up. Gary said they weren't that high. Howard said that Ronnie's were pulled up so high that he couldn't see his belly button. Ronnie said he's been running on the treadmill a lot and even his dog likes to run on it.
Wolf told Howard that he got some bumps on his hands recently and he was told that it was from using hand sanitizer too much. Howard gave him a $500 prize courtesy of the movie ''The Mist'' which is opening up on Wednesday, November 21st. Howard said that he saw the movie and it's really good. Artie said that the previews did look really good.
Howard was going to let Wolf go but he had another question for him. He asked who the guy was that Howard didn't want to see Beth in a movie with because she had dated an actor. Howard didn't say who it was but said that it wasn't Ben Stiller or Robin Williams. Howard said she did one TV show where she had to kiss an actor and he really didn't like that either. He said that when he kissed Mary McCormack for his movie, he got aroused so he knows that it can happen. He wouldn't want her doing that with some dude.
Howard said he had to go to break but Robin was telling him that she was going to tell Beth about this great masseuse that she used but realized she can't send her to him, Howard wouldn't like that. Howard agreed. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said that they heard that David Spade is dating some chick that looked kind of like Jillian Grace in some pictures. Artie was checking them out and wasn't quite sure if it was or not. He said that he was getting upset just thinking it could be true. Howard said he didn't think it was actually her. He and Artie both said that they hate when they know a guy who is getting hot chicks like that. Howard said that all of these hot chicks should be into him.
Howard had the girls come in a short time later. They're sisters, Joanna and Marta, and Artie said that they're the hottest chicks they've had in there. He says that every time though. Howard said that this one girl objects to him having girls naked in his studio but then she sent in naked pictures of herself. She said that she wouldn't get topless in the studio because the radio doesn't have eyes. Howard told her that they do a TV show though.
Joanna said that she did have some help with her boobs. They were done by Dr. Garth Fisher out in California. He's apparently known for doing great stuff like that.
The girls are both going to be doing the Miss Howard TV thing together so he talked to them about that. They're going to be in bikinis doing that. They also talked about modeling out in California and how much money they can make doing that stuff. Joanna said that she has made a lot of money doing commercial modeling. She has her own show coming out with Maxim magazine and it'll be on a network that she can't announce yet. Artie asked the girls if they would get into bikinis right now. They said that they won't because people can see her on Howard TV.
Howard asked Marta about her modeling career and spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Artie was trying to get a date with one of them but it wasn't happening so Howard wrapped up and let them go a short time later.
Howard played a quick voice mail from Richard's father. He left a message about how he found a couple of snakes in the house. He found a big ol' black snake that was about ''6 foot long'' in the house. He took them out himself and just threw them outside.
Howard said that Artie was telling him that Bob called him and told him that he lost weight and stopped drinking. Artie pointed out that Bob is now addicted to these pills. Bob said that he's not addicted, he's taking them as directed. He was taking some Xanax and that stuff is really addictive. Artie said that he has to work on just taking the Lexipro. Bob said that he's totally changed now and he's not going to crash when he runs out of these other pills.
Bob said that he was telling Artie about this stuff and Artie was giving him some advice about straightening out his life. Howard said it's amazing that Artie can give advice like that when he's such a mess himself. Artie said that he told Bob that he was just drinking too much and he had to cut back. Meanwhile Artie just got the news that his liver is fucked up from drinking so much.
Artie said that Bob is constantly drinking and smoking, just like he is, so he told him he had to cut back. Bob said that one time they were out in Vegas and they didn't have glasses to drink out of so he took an ice bucket and made a vodka drink in that. He was sipping the drink out of the bucket with his hands according to Artie.
Bob said that he went and saw someone about the smoking. He heard there's a pill that he can take to help him stop that. Artie said that Bob really is a mess with the smoking because he breaks into these coughing fits every few sentences. Howard told the two of them that they should go to see this Body Works show where they show smoker's lungs. That would get them to stop immediately.
Artie said that Bob has gone into these coughing fits before and one time he thought he was going to die. He said that he and Bob had about a 2 hour discussion about this stuff. Bob said that Artie was telling him what to get rid of in his life and told him to worry only about himself and nothing else. That's what he's trying to do now. Artie said that he can teach people but he can't follow his own advice.
Howard said that the Miss Howard TV girls are up on his web site. Bob called them ''Dumb and Dumber'' and told Howard that if they weren't hot he never would talk to them. Howard sand the guys spent a couple of minutes talking bout how hot they were after that. Howard said that Bob had just called them dumb but he wanted to do a spelling contest between the two of them. He told the guys to come back in.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked Artie how he made it in this morning after doing a comedy show last night. Artie said he was out until after 11 and didn't get to bed until 1 in the morning. He said that Dominic was looking good and so was his wife.
Howard cut Artie off and took a call from Yucko the Clown who said that Bob was saying that he jerks off to his girlfriend's image. Bob said that he just did that once. He's also jerked off to Beth which Howard said was an honor.
The girls came back in to do this spelling thing against Bob. Howard didn't have any words so he had to come up with them. He asked Bob to spell Separately. Bob got it wrong and Joanna got it right. There was some confusion about the way she spelled it but she actually did get it right.
Howard gave the next word of Triangle. Bob spelled it correctly. Howard gave Joanna Spaghetti, she spelled it SPAGGETTI. Howard asked Bob to spell it when she got it wrong. Bob spelled it SPAGGETI. Howard wanted to give them something easy. He gave them Absence. Joanna spelled it ABSENSE. Bob spelled it ABCENT.
Howard gave them another one and asked Bob to spell Receipt. Bob spelled it RECEITE. Joanna got it right. Bob said that silent P is wrong. The girls asked Artie to come out with them on Friday night to hang out but he's going to be out in Las Vegas and won't be able to make it. Artie said that he's going to cancel that Vegas appearance.
Howard let the girls go but had Bob try to pronounce some words that they have Bob try to say on Miserable Men. Howard gave him Esophagus and Bob says ''Eso-fag-us.'' He tried a few other ones and they had Bob say ''Imaphagg'' and some other things like ''Nicaragua'' which he says ''ni**er-ragu.'' He's not joking around either, he's saying this stuff like that's the way he thinks it should be said.
Shuli came in and said they play this game every week where they have callers spell out words and Bob tries to say them. He said that Bob comes across as retarded when he does this stuff. They do it for the last 20 minutes of the show and people love it. Howard gave Bob the word ''Nigeria'' and it came out ''ni**eria.'' Howard gave him ''Imwetaded.'' Shuli said that the listeners have been coming up with those words to get Bob to say stuff that aren't real words.
Howard asked bob if he's still working with Beetlejuice. Bob said that Beet isn't drinking now because he's not drinking. Beet is even on some kind of pills and he seems to know when it's time to take them. Artie said that Beetlejuice was back stage at his show the other night and Beet grabbed the microphone at one point and he had a great stage presence. He was doing an impression of a comedian and actually looking like one. He said that he was getting laughs doing that stuff so Howard asked Artie if he was better than Richard. Artie paused and wondered what he should say at that point. He didn't say anything negative about Richard though.
A caller told Howard that the one pill that Bob was talking about is called Clonazipan and he can't drink with that stuff. He said that it's really addictive stuff too. Bob said that he's taking 60 of those pills and then he's getting his Lexipro prescription bumped up. He also aid that he's going to get his liver checked out today to find out if he's even got one. He said that he knows that he has to come to a point in his life when he just has to take control of his life.
Bob said that the other day he was sleeping in his basement and he had to have a heater down there. One of his pillows fell on the heater and almost caught on fire. He said that the house is under construction right now and it's really cold in there because the whole place is torn up. Bob said that he could move out if he wants but he likes having his son there and he doesn't bring his girlfriend around the place. The girlfriend visits him when he's out on the road.
A caller told Howard that his wife is on Lexipro and if she doesn't take a pill one day, she gets electrical impulses going through her body. The withdrawals are apparently really bad. Bob said that his life was out of control before and this is helping him out so he's fine with that.
Shuli said that Bob was swaying all over the place last night when he saw him and he appeared to be on more than just one pill. Bob said that his doctor is listening to the show and he knows his problems so they're working on a mix that will help him be normal. He said they're still working on the dosages. Artie said that he advised Bob to go to therapy even though he won't go himself.
Bob said that Artie is a good friend and he really did help him out. Howard gave him some plugs for some upcoming shows he has this week out in California. You can find out more about those dates at RevBobLevy.com.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard when he got back from his weekend yesterday. The guy said that he should have been at the Barnes and Nobel in his building because Robin interviewed a chick there. Robin said she interviewed Simona Dinnerstein who is a concert pianist. She said that she's got an amazing CD out and she did an interview with her about her career and stuff like that after she performed some songs.
Ronnie called in as a listener going off on Bob about not being funny. He was doing an impression of Bob as he was doing it. They both had a couple of jokes about each other that they threw out there.
Bob then said that Scott the Engineer wanted to come out on tour with them and he wasn't sure why because he's got nothing going on. Scott came in and said that he's not sure what he'd do up there on stage. He can't do comedy so he wanted to do a Q and A thing on stage. Howard said that it's a comedy show, they can't have Scott come out and bring the show to a halt. Howard told Scott he should go out and try on different wigs or something if he really wants to do that stuff.
Howard asked Scott to pretend that he was on stage and do what he'd do. Scott said he'd go up and ask how everyone was doing. He hadn't given it much thought yet so he didn't know where to go with this. Shuli tried to help and did an intro for Scott. Scott tried again and still didn't have much luck getting anything out. Artie told him that people are going to ask him serious questions and he has to come up with some funny answers. Scott said that he's not a comedian so he doesn't know how to write funny answers.
Artie asked Scott to tell him what he does there as a job. He wanted a funny answer but Scott just started to describe his job which wasn't funny. Bob asked him who he hates at the show. Scott said he doesn't hate anyone. He said he gets along with everyone. Howard asked him what he thinks about the Sal and Artie fight. Scott didn't have much to say about that either.
The guys tried to give Scott some suggestions for his act and told him to come out with some stuff about someone he doesn't like. Scott then went off on Benjy saying that he hates that he gets paid to do what he does and that he gets to fly with Howard on private jets and stuff like that. Benjy said that he once let Scott borrow $500 when he was barely making any money himself. Benjy also asked him if he really does hate him and pointed out that he treats him very well. Howard said it's funny that Benjy hates the way he's treated on the show yet Scott is jealous of him.
Howard asked Bob if Scott is welcome on the comedy show or not. Bob said he can come if he wants to but he can't fly him out there. He told him he has to work out his own deal and he has to earn the right to get flown out. That led to Bob saying that Scott was on Miserable Men one night talking about how he had to vacuum the house shortly after he had his hernia operation. Scott said that's true but she was helping him out by going out to get his medication.
Shuli asked Scott if he wanted to come out and do some material at Caroline's tomorrow night. Bob told him that maybe he can come and do a show that's more local with him. Howard told Bob that he has to put him on the show at least once. Bob said that he'd do that for Howard but he doesn't know where he can stick him during the show.
Howard gave Bob some more plugs for the shows he's doing out in California this weekend but Scott won't be there. They may have him out in Cleveland with Bob and Artie.
Gary came in and said that they were wondering why Scott borrowed $500 from Benjy. Benjy said that it was when Scott's son needed money for college. Bob wondered what kind of college costs $500. The guys all goofed on Scott about that and wondered how he went to Benjy and asked him for that kind of money. Benjy said that they were at K-Rock and Scott asked to talk to him and told him about how his son might have to drop out of school if he didn't have a couple thousand bucks. He'd asked a few others for money as well.
Artie wondered how Scott could go off on a guy like that after he lent him $500 to help his kid go to school. Scott said that Benjy turned out to be an asshole and he thinks that he's changed since those days. He said that he got an attitude after that private jet ride. Howard wondered why he'd be mad at Benjy, he should be mad at him for having Benjy fly with him.
The guys pointed out that Scott is out of his mind with that stuff and no one could believe that he was upset about something like that.
Gary said that they don't think that Benjy has changed at all. He said that he's always been the nicest guy and never has an attitude. He said that Scott thinks that he changed on that certain date when he really hasn't. Artie said that Scott has this anger in him that's going to boil up inside of him until one day he snaps. Scott said that's true and he does have a lot of anger in him. Howard said that this Q and A has really gone well so far. Bob said that Scott has already done 20 minutes so maybe this will work. He said that the people in Cleveland are going to rip him apart. Bob said that maybe they can add him on to future gigs to talk about this stuff. Howard told Bob to stay quiet during Scott's Q and A. Bob said he will do that at the shows. He told Scott he's going to have to share rooms with Beetlejuice. Scott said that won't happen.
Howard gave Bob some more plugs and Artie asked Scott if he borrowed any money from anyone else at work. Scott said that Benjy was the only one and he figured that he was the one guy who could keep a secret. He kept that secret until today. Robin said that Benjy was the guy who made the least amount of money there though. Howard said this sounds like a fascinating idea to have Scott on the shows. He wrapped up with everyone and went to break a short time later.
Howard asked her what ethnicity she is because her skin is kind of dark. She aid that she's Dominican. She was in the military for 4 years and she said that it was a bit of a challenge. Howard asked if she ever had offers to make things easy on her if she had sex with guys. She said that never happened.
Giselle said that she's got a boyfriend who is off doing training for a job he's starting. He's not in the military though. She said that she does some modeling stuff but it's mostly corporate stuff. Howard told her she's wasting her time and she should be doing Playboy and Penthouse, not corporate stuff.
Artie asked her if she's ever thought about a career in being Mrs. Artie Lange. She just laughed. Artie wondered how her breasts would look out of a bra. He had her turn around and said that she seemed to be perfect.
Howard asked her where she was stationed. She said that she was in Afghanistan for a while. She was in communications at the time. She said that they had these showers set up where all of the women had to shower together. Artie figured that the other women must have looked like him. She said that she got hit on once when she was over in the Philippines but never by anyone in the Marines.
Will came in and said that she'd wear a bikini for them. She didn't sound into it so Howard told her not to give him a hard time and had the bikini rack lowered down for her. They lowered it into the studio. Will told her to take her choice and Howard told her they're all new. She said she didn't feel comfortable doing it today. Will said that was part of the deal though. He said that she said she'd wear one if she came in for a tour.
Gary offered up some cash for her if she did get into a bikini. Howard said that they could give her the money if she did it. She told them that she didn't want to do it and they could see her on Viva411.com. Howard read that she was trying to get into Playboy but she won't even get into a bikini in the studio.
Artie said he feels bad berating her since she was in the military. Howard said if she wasn't in the military, he'd have something else to say to her. Howard told her that she could try on the bikini, and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to come out of the bathroom. She agreed to that and went into the bathroom to try it on.
Howard said the bikini rack was going back up. He didn't realize that's where they kept it. Howard asked Giselle how she was doing. Will asked her and found out she had the top on. She came out wearing the top and everyone was blown away by how hot she was. Howard said that he had to see the whole picture and told her she has to get into the bottom. He wondered why she didn't get into the whole outfit. Howard told her she was perfect and told her to get into the bikini bottom. He said that she looks great but she really has to put on the bottom. She was going to pass.
Artie asked if he could bronsky her. She said she didn't know what that was. Artie didn't want to tell her what it was and Howard didn't want to let him do it. Giselle said that she wasn't going to get into the bottom because her ass would look big in that tiny bottom.
Howard let Giselle off the hook and said that he's only doing that because she was in the Marines. Will came up with some other bottoms but she didn't want to wear those either. Howard wrapped up with her and thanked her for coming in on this Veteran's Day. He gave her the whole $500 even though Gary only wanted to give her $250 since she only had half of the outfit on.
Giselle said that she might show them the rest of her body next time she comes in, when she's in better shape. Howard said there probably won't be a next time. He let her keep the bikini and wrapped up with her after that. Artie said that this was Perfect Tit day today with her and that other chick that was in earlier.
Steve said they also have some great shows lined up for tonight. They have the Fab Faux special at 7pm and Greg Fitzsimmons starts his regular show at Midnight tonight.
Jon Hein came in and said they'll talk about Robin and Jim Florentine's latest date. They'll also talk about Eric the Midget's call, Brian Koppelman's call and Bob Levy's visit today.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever laid down on a bed with Jim. Robin laughed and wondered how that could have ever happened. Robin changed subjects and read a story about Kate Hudson and ignored Fred's comments as he was doing his Jim impression again.
Howard said that he did want to mention the other day that when he and the guys created their new Avant-Garde band, they got some e-mail. He read through some of that and the fans were saying that they liked what they were doing. One fan asked what kind of guitar it was that Howard borrowed from Fred. Fred said it was an Ovation Elite, he thinks, and it's about 20 years old. Howard said he'll be playing a Gibson if they go out and do this stuff live. That led to him replaying some of the stuff they performed last week. He said that they may open up for the Zs at the Knitting Factory.
Howard played some of the Zs stuff that inspired them to ruin music themselves. He played a couple of their own performances too. The one they called ''The Beat'' was Fred's favorite. Fred also liked the song they called ''The Knitting Factory'' and said they could have a double sided single if they put that one and The Beat out.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Van Halen impression. He let him do his thing for about 30 seconds before he had to cut him off so he could go to commercial.
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a call in show with Ronnie the Limo Driver audio clips. We also heard a song parody about Ronnie from Dan the Song Parody Man. Robin got back into her news a short time later.
Robin brought up a story about human cloning which led to Howard talking about how they have the ability to merge mice and men and he'd do all kinds of weird stuff if he was allowed to experiment on stuff like that. He'd give people wings and give them the ability to smell like dogs do. They spent a couple of minutes on that.
Robin brought up a story about Sarah Michelle Gellar who is playing a porn star in her next movie. She wondered how long it'll be before Sarah appears in Playboy. Howard figures it can't be long now. He said that she has to be naked in the movie if she's playing a porn star.
Artie said that Doug Goodstein and his father came to see him last night. He wasn't sure if he could tell the story or not. Doug said that he could tell it but he told his father to turn off the radio. Artie went on to say that his father came back stage with Doug's mother. He said they both looked nice and pretty conservative. Artie said that Larry ''Ratso'' Slomin came back stage with a famous porn star, whose name he couldn't remember, and Doug's father recognized the guy. Howard said this was great. Artie said that Doug's father recognized the guy and his mother didn't know who it was. Doug said that it was obvious that his father watches porn, and he must watch a lot of it. Doug said he dropped the whole thing pretty quick with them because he didn't want it to get awkward.
Howard wondered what Ratso was doing bringing a porn star with him to a comedy show. Artie said they're apparently really good friends, he really doesn't know.
Robin read through a bunch of other stories and one of them was about Duane Johnson, formerly The Rock, which led to the guys talking about nicknames. Artie said he knew a guy who could come up with great names for all of their friends. Howard said that he'd give Artie a name like ''Captain Subutex'' or something like that. They wrapped up the show a short time later and ended it around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show talking about some clips he was listening to from a show where they were talking about him being on the Most Unsexiest Men list. He said that AOL, which is trying to stop from going out of business, seems to be using his name to get some attention. He wondered who is still paying for that service. Robin admitted that she still uses it. Howard couldn't believe that she was one of the few who is still keeping that company in business. Robin said that if that's what they're going to do, she's going to dump them.
Howard wondered what happened to AOL and why they got screwed. Gary said he thinks it was when the Time Warner takeover happened AOL dragged them down.
Howard played the audio clip where they talked about him being on that list. The guy says that Howard is moving up on the list to number 5. Howard said that the guy seems to think that people liked him better when he was on regular radio and now that he's on satellite, they think he's uglier.
Howard played another clip from CNN where they had a similar report about him being on that list. The reporter understood how Howard Stern and Simon Cowell made it to the list. There was another clip where the reporters discussed the list and the people on it. The same reporter from AOL was talking about Howard's move to satellite and how that made him seem uglier with the potty mouth.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had some news about AOL but he had to wear his glasses to read it. Gary said that their subscriber subscriptions plummeted in the last quarter. Their revenue has dropped as well of course. Robin said she's going to cancel her service now that she's heard this.
Howard got back to the audio clip where one of the reporters talked about how Howard isn't all that unsexy and he's much different off the air. Howard said he liked that chick and said that any woman would be honored to be with him like Beth is. It turned out it was Dr. Judy Kurianski that was saying nice things about Howard.
JD came in and said that he just pulled another clip from FOX news in Philly. They were just talking about him. JD also told Howard he thinks that he's sexy when Howard asked him about that. That led to Howard talking about JD and how he's always so down and thinking that people are beating on him. He also talked about how JD needs to give him a list of stuff he has to play so he knows what he has.
JD said that he feels that the stuff he pulls isn't that important. Artie told him that he can't have that episode. Howard had Fred play the audio clip that Richard created of JD laughing and hooting. He only had him play it for a few seconds though.
Robin asked Artie how he can have JD at these comedy shows. Artie said it's very awkward to have him around and he always has him making noises when he tells him he wants to pay him or anything like that. He said he's been helping him at his comedy shows and when he offers to pay him, he just gets an ''Errhhh'' from him.
Howard said that Robin was in Page Six this morning and read the article. It was a quick mention of her being at the Van Halen concert with Jim Florentine. Robin said that this has to end if Jim is just using her for publicity.
Howard played a couple of clips of the Fab Faux's performances from last night. They perform Beatles songs and do all of the sounds from the songs live, nothing pre-recorded. Howard said that Paul McCartney can pull off some of that stuff these days. They couldn't do it back in the days when the band was still together.
Howard read some mail about the Grandma Caprio vs. Beth bit they did the other day. Artie said that they should roast Grandma Caprio and have Howard go up at the end as Grandma. Howard went into his impression a short time later and did a little bit of that. Then Artie picked up the megaphone and did his Beth impression. Howard was talking about Artie and Dana and how Artie is sitting around and eating everything since he broke up with her. He was doing it all as if he were Grandma Caprio calling in. Artie was throwing out jokes about Howard's looks and chess playing as he was doing his Beth impression.
Grandma Caprio told Artie to quiet down at one point saying that his stuff was boring because it was about Howard Stern. Beth would throw out jokes about the wedding and how it will probably never happen and things like that. He was also joking about them having kids while Howard was goofing on Artie's weight. Robin was asking Grandma Caprio some questions and kept him going.
Grandma talked about how great Dana was and what a wonderful catch she was for Artie. Artie threw in a comment about how Beth could give great recipes for the most boring meals on the planet. Howard eventually came out of his impression and said that was enough. Artie, as Beth, said that was bullshit and got Howard back into it a little bit.
Howard got back to the mail and one guy wrote in about the call they got from the guy with the hand sanitizer problems. The guy suggested using ''Hands to Go'' which is alcohol free and available at Bed Bath and Beyond. It's alcohol free and won't cause the problems that the guy described yesterday.
Richard Christy came in and said that he loves Pizza Hut pizza. He said he likes the stuffed crust pizza. No one was surprised that Richard came in to talk about Pizza Hut. They goofed on him about liking that awful pizza. Robin said that she has people come into the city and when she takes their pizza order, they order stuff that doesn't even exist at a regular pizza place.
Richard said he likes to get Pizza Hut in Penn Station. Robin said that has to be the worst place to get that kind of pizza.
Howard said that guy Dog is very entertaining and he's going to start watching his show if they bring it back. He also said that Larry King should have him back every night to talk to him. Artie said that the guy has such a weird looking face that you can't even tell when he's crying. Artie said that the guy is clearly nuts because he's seen him on his show. He said that one second the guy will be arresting the guy and going off on him, then two minutes later he's preaching to the guy in the car. Howard said that Dog was born in the wrong era and he should have been around in the times of Ghengis Khan. He said that Chuck Zito is the same way.
Eric said that he was listening to the replay of the show yesterday and they were making fun of him from beginning to end. Howard said that they always make fun of him, what's new about that? Eric said that he was going to have his family playing big parts in the movie and they want nothing to do with Howard. Howard told him to go ahead and try to get that movie made then. Howard told Eric that he agrees then and he's not going to make this film.
Howard told Eric that it's a bad idea and thanked him for letting him off the hook. He said that he's saying goodbye now then. Eric said he had another offer and asked if Howard TV would follow the production from beginning to end. Artie told him he's a shithead and they're done with him. Howard thanked Eric for calling in and said that they'll see if the movie ever gets made. Eric said it will but Howard said they'll see about that.
Eric said that he wanted Howard to read the outlines during a break or something. Howard said he doesn't read outlines and he's certainly not going to read one that he's not going to make. Eric said that Howard isn't making any films but Howard told him that he is in production for the remake of Pokey's and he's also working on TV shows. He knows the business and Eric has insulted him for the last time.
Eric said he just doesn't want to have the movie on his channel. Howard said he won't, that's fine. Eric was also offering them to have the theatrical release but Howard said he wasn't interested. He told Eric that he's a wise businessman and he knows that he has to go work on his script.
Howard said that he knows that Howard TV was in pre-production on this but now they have to pull it. He told Gary to put the Beetlejuice movie on the front burner now. They played some of Beet's laughs and Artie said that's what they're going to call the movie ''Hahahhahaha.''
Howard took a call from a guy who couldn't believe that Eric pulled his movie like that. Howard and the guys think that Eric will come crawling back. The guy also talked about how great that Fab Faux show was last night. Howard spent a minute talking about that and how he should have had the Shaw Blades guys do the same thing.
Howard said that Beth is going to have her mom and aunt come in for Thanksgiving. Her dad would usually be there but he's got some business thing going on. Howard said he had him out there this summer. He said they all got wasted together and had a good time.
The caller asked Artie if he would ever do that Dancing with the Stars show. Artie said he doubts it but it would be kind of funny to see him trying to dance. The guys talked about how the people on that show seem to get into shape from dancing so it might be good for Artie. Robin said she's not sure if she'd be able to do it if she was offered the chance. She said that she was a good dancer when she was young though. Howard said that they might have to do a parody of the show and do it for Howard TV. He said they'd have to treat it seriously though and he doesn't want to commit to it that much. Artie said that he'd have to commit to something like that if he was going to do it and he just can't bring himself to commit to something so lame.
The caller also talked about how the Michael Jordan divorce cost him $168 million. That led to the guys talking about that for a couple of minutes and how that was one of the highest divorce settlements in history. Robin said that it wasn't the highest though. The guys talked about how some of these rich broads don't even lift a finger and they still get all of this money for something they had nothing to do with. Howard said that this is why people need pre-nups. He said that Paul McCartney is a perfect example. He didn't have a pre-nup and now he's suffering for it.
The guys talked about Michael Jordan and how he's got a son in college who is really good at basketball. Howard said if he were his kid he wouldn't even touch a basketball.
Richard came in and said that he and his friend put in their video tapes and started the movie at the same time. They watched it at the same time for a short time and then got off the phone. They didn't call each other at the end or anything like that. Richard said he watched the whole movie and he's not sure if his friend even finished watching it. He said that they both saw the movie ''Legends of the Fall'' four times back when that was out. Howard said he doesn't get that and he doesn't know what to make of it. Robin didn't either.
The caller said that he has gay friends and even they're not that gay. Howard let the guy go and took a call from Dominic Barbara who was saying that there are settlements higher than Michael Jordan's but you'll never hear about them. Dominic told the guys about some of that stuff and explained how some of those divorces work out. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that he was charged with a third degree felony and a DUI. Howard said that Hulk Hogan must be beside himself over that. Artie said that it could be bumped up to a vehicular manslaughter thing if the guy dies. He's still alive as far as he knows. Howard said he doesn't know much about it and hasn't read much about it in the news. Robin said that it has been in the news a bit though.
Irish John called in and said that there's a weird video on YouTube with Beth jogging next to some creepy guy and he's asking her out and she tells him that she's got a boyfriend. Howard said he knew nothing about it.
Howard and the guys talked about the Nick Hogan thing a little longer. They found some more stories about him and talked about how weird the whole case is. Howard wondered why anyone would want to have kids after reading a story like that. Nick's family could be responsible for the accident because he's still a minor. He said that they should hold off on giving drivers licenses until kids are 18 years old so they can be held responsible. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had Lisa G come in after that. Lisa said that they heard that Shaw Blades was performing that Beth song and she wondered if Howard had firmed up any wedding plans yet. Howard said that they haven't done that yet. They have picked out a spot and it would probably happen in the fall, not in the summer. Howard said that he doesn't want to tie up anyone in the summer because he hates that. He said Ross had his wedding in the summer and it bummed him out.
Howard said that they're in no rush to get married so it wouldn't be until next year at least. He said that two months ago Beth didn't want to plan a whole wedding. Lisa cares because she wants to report on the wedding. Howard said he'll let her know when the plans are final.
Lisa said that Artie's Playboy article is coming out soon and she's seen a preview of it already. She described some of the stuff in the article. Howard said it would be great if Artie were nude in that article. Artie said that they have like one big picture in there but it took four hours to shoot. He said that all of the chicks at the photo shoot were all really hot too. He said that they all just ignore him and that makes them even hotter when they do that.
Howard said he knows what he means. There are some chicks who are just sitting there for no reason and they never introduce themselves and just sit there. Artie said it was very weird for him to experience that. He said it was fun but it was four hours worth of pictures and they used just one of them. Howard said he always tells these guys that he only has a half hour to shoot so they keep it short.
Artie said that he was trying to be witty during the shoot and it was all very uncomfortable. He said they asked him if he wanted a song playing and they had nothing he wanted to hear. Howard said that he did a big shoot once and the only song that worked for him was an Eminem song. He ended up playing the song and showed how he was posing at the shoot.
Lisa said that they have an interview with Siobhan's brother Mark who gave her money for her sex change operation. He had to take out a second mortgage on his home. Siobhan has paid back about $9,000 of the money that she borrowed from him but she still owes him quite a bit.
Frank said that the first celebrity impression he did was Leno. He said that he used to do an impression of Chris Farley doing his characters but he doesn't consider those real impressions of the actual people. He said that he started doing the Leno thing in college and he'd bobble his head around like Jay does.
Frank said that he used to be that spaz type of kid in school and people would gather around him and watch him do his thing. Howard said that he must have wanted to find something to make him special. Frank said that the Leno thing did make him realize what he was put on this earth for.
Frank was doing his Leno impression and Howard said it was so good that it made him want to punch him in the head. He tried talking to Frank, as Leno, about him stealing Stuttering John away from the show behind his back. Artie thought that he had the impression down really well and he did a lot of subtle little things that Leno actually does.
Frank did some of his Al Pacino impression and showed how he's changed over the years. He did a young Pacino and said that sounds like Craig Gass' impression. Then he did the newer one that's more of a yelling type of thing. He did that for a minute and talked about the way the guy has changed over the years. Frank also did some of his Robin Williams impression.
Frank also did some of his Jonathan Winters impression real quick and said about 7 people would remember who that guy is. Howard asked Frank about his career and found out that he replaced Jimmy Kimmel on the football games over at FOX. Frank said he did that because Kimmel went off to do his own thing at ABC. Howard thought that they got rid of Jimmy because he pissed off some of the guys that he was working with. Frank said that he has fun with those guys and he doesn't think that they didn't like Jimmy.
Frank told Howard about how Howie and Terry will drive to the games themselves instead of getting a driver. He said he went with them one day and it turned into a three stooges episode. Howard read that Frank did a John Madden impression and he didn't even know what he sounded like. Frank went into that impression and had Artie laughing his ass off. Howard asked him if he ever did that in front of John. Frank said that Madden won't come near him so he hasn't done that for him.
Howard said that doing the Madden thing got Frank a lot of attention in his early career. Frank said that he'll sometimes pull that impression out when he's doing interviews. He said he uses it as a crutch, or more of a stretcher, to save his interviews.
Howard said that Frank even got to do an impression of David Letterman in front of Dave. Frank said that they were doing the Impression week over there and he went on and did just a little bit because they didn't want him to go too crazy with it.
Artie said that he heard that Letterman was uptight about Norm MacDonald doing his Letterman impression on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he used to get calls from Letterman's people asking them to stop with the Evil Dave stuff too.
Howard asked Frank why he never went to SNL himself. Frank said he just never had them come and find him like they usually do. He said that they already had Darrel Hammond and guys like that on the show so they didn't need a guy to do impressions. He said that he knew how to do the voices and stuff but he didn't know how to act.
Howard said that Frank actually does an impression of Norm MacDonald. Frank said he did it for Norm but he doesn't actually like doing stuff like that for the actual celebrities. He went into a little bit of that for a minute and he did sound quite a bit like Norm.
Frank said that he's got a new show coming out but they've been cut down from 8 episodes to 5 because of this strike that's going on. The show is called Frank TV and it premieres November 20th on TBS. Artie said that he remembers doing the sketch shows and how awful the make-up was. He said he'd sit there for hours getting made up and it was just so bad.
Howard had Frank do some of his George W. Bush impression as he asked him some questions as if he were the President. Howard had some fun with that for a short time and Frank had the impression down really good. He said that sometimes Bush will have problems finding the last word of a sentence and you root for him to come out with it.
Howard said that Frank does Sean Connery and he liked what he saw him doing on his web site. He had him go into that impression for a few seconds. Howard then asked him to go into his Jerry Seinfeld impression for a few seconds. He did that and then went into his Michael Richards impression. Frank went nuts and did a whole Seinfeld thing with all of the characters. He said he does that on his Frank TV show too.
Frank said that he likes to find people's gimmicks and he plays off of those. Robin asked Frank if he does a Howard impression. Frank said he does not have a Howard impression. There are a couple of guys who do Howard and Howard said he's honored when someone takes the time to learn how to do his voice.
Howard had Frank do his Chris Rock impression and asked him if he does that one in black face. Frank said he wouldn't call it black face, he'd call it ''make up.'' That led to Howard asking Frank about doing an impression of James Brown the football guy. Frank said that FOX asked him not to do it for a while.
Frank did his Chris Rock impression a little bit and also did a Charles Barkley impression. He concentrates on the way Barkley says ''terrible'' which sounds like ''turrible.'' Howard said that Frank is doing a stand-up special, All Over the Place, that's airing this Friday night on TBS. He gave him some plugs for that and for his new TV show.
Howard took some calls and one woman said that she'd be happy to watch his show but she wanted to punch him in the face after the baseball playoffs because they pushed his show so much on TBS. Another caller said that Frank does the announcer for the Super Friends. Frank went into that for a couple of seconds. That led to the guys talking about the characters that were in that group.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she loved him on MAD TV. She said that Gilbert Gottfried must have been a big mentor for him. Frank said that he really wasn't and he wasn't sure why she'd think that. He did a little bit of his Gilbert impression after that though.
Howard had Frank do some of his Jack Nicholson impression for him. Artie talked about working on MAD TV since both of them had been on the show at different times. Frank told the guys about doing a skit one time where they did a Price is Right bit. He said that he did a Rod Roddy impression one time and demonstrated that for the guys.
Frank said that he gave up on MAD TV eventually and he thought that his comedy was goofier than what they were doing there. He said that he wanted to be himself and do his thing. He said he always wanted to play to people his age and not to the younger audience that MAD TV wanted him to play to. Howard said he'd stick with any audience that he could get.
Frank did a little bit of his Donald Trump impression so Howard played along with him and asked him some questions as if he were Trump. The impression did sound very much like him. Frank said that Howard was making him work today but he liked that.
Howard wished Frank luck with his career and told him he enjoyed having him there. Frank was telling the guys about how he thinks that he used the same nose prosthetic that Artie had used for his Ed McMahon impression when he was on. Howard said that Frank used that and got high from the cock residue that was left in it. They joked around about that for a short time and then Howard wrapped up and went to break.
Howard said that he's got a lot of stuff to get to today. He said that Greg Fitzsimmons was going to come in later on. He also has some clips of Sal and Richard goofing on Gary the Retard. He said that Gary Garver was also out at the OJ Simpson trial and got some interviews with people out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he works for a local TV news station and they interviewed Beth and she didn't have her engagement ring on. Howard said she doesn't always wear it because she's afraid of losing it when she's working with the dogs and stuff.
The caller also asked how Robin found that story about Kanye West's mother dying yesterday because they didn't even know about it before Robin read it. They heard it from Robin before they got it over the wire. Robin said that she just got it off the wire, she didn't have any special sources.
The caller told Artie that if he starts drinking distilled water, instead of regular water, he should start losing weight like crazy. He said he was drinking a gallon a day for a while and lost some weight. Howard said that a lot of your hunger is thirst so that can help to drink instead of eating. The guy said that when he was drinking the water he had some nasty craps coming out because the body was apparently cleaning out a lot of crap. Howard said that he knows people who lost weight by actually eating less. Remarkable.
Howard said those calls remind him of this movie Charlie where some guys in a bakery jerk around a guy but they're not much smarter than him. He said that Sal isn't all that much smarter than Gary the Retard is.
Garver was on the phone so Howard asked him what went on there. Garver said that he was asking questions as he was getting out of his car and stuff and just went for it while everyone was trying to take his picture. Howard played the clip of Garver asking OJ a bunch of questions about the murders, Howard Stern and why he's such a fuck up.
Garver said he went into the court room to watch what was going on and OJ called him over to talk to him and that's when he asked him about working for Howard. He said that OJ told him that he has SIRIUS and he does listen to the show once in a while. He said it was pretty wild that he even recognized him after 10 years. He said that it was back in 1998 when he last got an interview with him on the golf course.
Howard said that there's still a media circus going on outside this trial of OJs. He said Garver interviewed some people outside the trial. He played a clip of Garver asking a guy dressed up as a rabbit about what he was doing there. The guy had a spokesperson with him there. The spokesman answered for the guy dressed as a rabbit. Garver asked the guy a bunch of questions and he had answers for everything he was asking.
Howard said he thinks that guy is the type of person OJ has tried to avoid his whole life. Howard said that there's another clip but it was with the same guy. Howard played that one but it was the same interview done a second time. Garver said that he thought he'd screwed up the first one so he did it over.
Howard asked Garver what he's got going on now. Gary said that he's doing a show on KSEX.com. He said he wanted to get on the air and he took the job because they were willing to pay him out there. Howard thought it must be weird to do a show where no one listens. Gary said he didn't care as long as he was on the air.
Howard said that they spent less time debating the war in Iraq than they have with this satellite merger. They're wasting taxpayer time and money by spending so long on something so simple. He said that if they had spent 10 months debating the Iraq war, they would have figured out that there were no weapons of mass destruction over there.
Robin said she went off on a guy who told her that he missed them on regular radio. She said that no one cared about them when they were on regular radio and they were telling everyone what the government was doing to them. Everyone just let it pass as if it were nothing.
Howard said that Ronnie was telling him about some of the cool stuff that they have out for people's cars. Ronnie said that they have a replacement brain for GM cars that can replace the XM brain. He said that they've made it even smaller than it used to be and they fight right into the spot where the XM brains fit. He said that it's a really amazing product and he's not sure why they don't push that more than the regular radios.
Howard said that Ronnie was all nervous talking about that and he's not sure why. Ronnie wasn't sure why either. The caller said that they even have TV available in some Chrysler products. The caller said that he'd like to have Howard TV available on SIRIUS TV. Howard said that they kind of aim that stuff toward kids. The caller was talking about getting Howard TV on satellite TV, not about SIRIUS TV. Howard told him that On Demand is different than Pay-Per-View and it doesn't work on satellite TV.
Artie said he was talking to some people from XM who told him that they're actually selling some of their satellite service to other people. They're doing that to make some money.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's been telling people about this merger thing and she thinks that not enough people know about what it will mean. Howard said that they could have both baseball and football on the service if it goes through. He said that he's not sure what the hold up is.
Greg said that he never really wanted to do what his dad did but that's exactly what he ended up doing. He just got his first paycheck for doing the same job that his dad did.
Howard said that they're still looking for the Hottest Chick with the Smallest Tits for the contest they have coming up. He said they've gotten some already but they're still looking.
Howard got back to Greg and said that the last time he talked to him he was on his way to do the Pat Cooper roast. He asked Artie how he did. There was a moment of silence as Artie was trying to get down some food. He was eating some grilled chicken and rice and it wasn't easy to get it down. Artie went on to say that Greg killed at the roast and made an observation that helped him out. He said that Belzer had sniffles at the roast and Greg referenced that. He was hearing it too so he commented on it as well.
Greg was saying that most comedians get cast in comedies but Belzer gets dramas all the time. Greg said he'd like to get in on that as well. He said the sitcom thing ain't working these days and maybe this strike will help weed out some of those awful shows that are on now.
Greg told Howard about how he got started out in the business and actually used to ask Pat about some of his jokes. Pat would actually help him out and guide him. He said that Pat would say exactly how he felt and that's what the new comedians are finally starting to do. Greg said that he sent a long letter to Pat about all of that and he got a manilla envelope back with just a signed black and white photo of him in it. He said that the photo is hanging on his office wall now though.
Greg talked about how Pat was at the roast with a girl that he thought was his daughter. She told him that she had never seen him do one of these things before so Greg was kind of surprised by that. He said that he was talking to her about that and then all of a sudden Pat was yelling at her to get going. He said he thinks that Pat is like 81 years old or something like that. Artie said he thinks he said he was 78.
Howard said that Greg used to work for Ellen Degeneres as a writer. He asked how long he was there. Greg said he was there for the first two seasons and then he was fired. He said he got the call from his agent to pack up his stuff and get the hell out. He said he can't talk about what went on there because of his non-disclosure thing. He said that he thinks that she should support the writers and maybe not do her show the way she is.
Greg said that they really don't want to strike but they have to do that to get what they want. He said that they'd like to sit down and work things out and have everyone walk away with something. Howard said he's heard that the guys like Letterman, Leno and Jon Stewart are going to have to go back on the air eventually. They're cutting staff and everyone is going to be fired if they don't go back to work.
Greg said that they know that people are going to lose their houses over this strike. He said it was an inevitable thing though. He said that the writers don't stand to get paid from shows and movies moving to the internet. That's where it's going for people now and the writers are just trying to get their fair share. Greg said that the union is a middle class union, it's not a high class thing like it's being painted as.
Howard said he knows a guy who writes in Hollywood and he really doesn't make a lot of money. He gets a break now and then but he's not making huge money. Artie said that when you have a gig on a sitcom it eats up all of your time. If you broke it down to an hourly rate, you'd see that they're really not making a lot of money.
Howard asked Greg what he thinks the outcome will be and how long this will last. Greg said that they probably won't even see a roadmap for a compromise for a couple of month. Howard said that's good because then he won't have to do his Letterman appearance.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about his hatred toward black people from years ago. He said he thinks that he had more hate back before he started his therapy. He said that he gets a feeling that Howard was bit more harsh on people back then and he's uneasy listening to those old shows. Howard said that he hasn't changed at all and he's never considered himself a racist.
Howard said that when he was growing up his community was mostly black so he was the minority there. He said that you'd think that the racism would stop when the black community was bigger than the white. He said that didn't happen though.
Greg got in a plug for the shows he's doing at the Stress Factory this weekend. He said you can find out more about where he's appearing at Myspace.com/FitzDog
Howard read through some e-mail and one person wrote in about how Wendy the Retard was at a Danny and the Juniors show down in Florida. The guys in the band were apparently happy that they were brought up on the show. That led to Howard playing their song ''The Hop'' and talking about how they must really be sick of performing that song. They also played their ''Rock and Roll is Here To Stay'' song that wasn't all that much different than The Hop. Howard said it was nice to hear from Danny and the Juniors.
Steve said that they have a story about Miss Howard TV October, Stefanie Petruso, about being on the show and if anyone gave her douche chills. She said that she didn't get douche chills but Artie did kind of come on strong when she was in there. Howard said that she was really hot too, he was looking at her pictures. Howard said that it wasn't the chick who was in yesterday though. Howard said that the chick who was in yesterday is a really well known model from what Beth was telling him.
Steve said that they have an update on Big Foot who has been threatened. They'll have more on that and they also have an update on the latest auction to come into the studio. Steve got in a couple of plugs for the stuff they had coming up on Howard 101 today and then wrapped up.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she saw Greg with Artie over the weekend and really liked the show. She threw a bunch of comments out and said that she didn't like his suit. He said he always performs in a suit.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Frank Caliendo's visit, some stuff about JD and a bunch of other stuff that they covered on the show today. They went to break a short time later.
Greg said that he used to take his 3 year old son and have him prank call his friend. He'd whisper stuff in his son's ear and have him repeating after him. He'd have him say stuff about him having AIDS and stuff like that.
Howard played another song from that album where they throw out the N-word every few words. Howard said the song sounded kind of like ''We are The World.'' There was another one called ''Oh God I Married a ni**er.'' Artie said that those may have been Nicole Brown Simpson's last words. Robin said that's the song that they might have to play on the show.
Howard read off some of the other song titles on the CD and had Robin pick one out. He played one called ''All Good Things Come From Africa'' but didn't make it too long into that one. He then played one called ''Like a ni**er on Pay Day.'' Robin said she wanted to hear that one.
Howard said that the album hasn't quite made it into the top 5 songs yet. Greg wondered in what town you could put that CD out. Artie said there are a couple out there.
The guys talked about the Tonight Show for a few minutes because NBC has threatened to fire the staff if the show stays dark much longer. They're thinking of having some guest hosts fill in for Jay while he's out.
Ivy said that she has to turn herself in on Thursday because she vandalized his club, Plum, and glued some stuff on his front door. Gary said that maybe she could go to court to get the money that she thinks she's owed. She said that she doesn't want to go to court over $1000. The guys told her that she's going to jail over it now though.
Ivy said that she glued some stuff to his door and jammed up his locks with glue too. Howard said she can't just go out and commit mindless acts of vandalism like that. She has to do it the right way. Gary said that she's making sense right now but yesterday she wasn't. He said that she sounded like she was on crystal meth yesterday when he left a message for him.
Gary read one of her e-mails that she sent to him yesterday where she described what she did to this club door. Howard said that maybe Ivy needs a man to go inside of her to calm her down. Artie offered to come out and fuck her today if she wanted. She said that she'd like to come to his apartment because her's is a mess. Artie said that he'd rather not have her at his apartment. Greg said that Artie doesn't want anything glued to his door.
Ivy gave out her voice mail number and said that anyone who can help her out with the $10,000 that she needs to get out of jail can call her. Howard gave her $500 courtesy of one of their advertisers. Ivy wondered if Artie was really going to come out and fuck her. Gary said that she will really hook up with him too so he should go for it. Greg didn't even know who she was. The guys said that she's a designer who makes hats for the stars.
Ivy told Artie to call her after the show and tell her where they're going to meet. Artie sounded a little thrown off when she said that she'd make him cum like 20 times. Howard went into his Grandma Caprio impression and had some fun goofing on him about going out with Ivy when he could have kept Dana around. Artie went into his Beth impression and shot back some jokes about Howard as well. He was making a lot of jokes about Beth getting pregnant and stuff like that.
Howard had Robin get back to her news after that. She read through a bunch of stories and then Yucko the Clown called in. He said that he went out to dinner with Greg and Andy Dick one night. He said that Andy actually got a restaurant owner to open up the place that they were just closing up. Greg said that Andy just got up and left in the middle of it so he had to shell out a bunch of money to the people who hung around with them to open up the restaurant.
Artie wondered if Yucko gets all made up for those calls he makes. Howard said he probably does but Artie figured he doesn't and he finds that sad.
Robin got back to her news and read through a few more stories before Howard ended the show. He gave Artie and Greg some plugs for their upcoming shows and then ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard started off the show welcoming everyone to the show. He said that Hall of Hall and Oates will be coming in today. He's the one in the group who doesn't look like Baba Booey. Robin suggested that they have Gary sit next to him so it looks like they have both of them in there. Robin also said that they have rejected the guy before and wondered what made Howard break down and let him on. Gary told Robin that they had rejected him until they found out some stuff that was interesting enough to have him on the show. His publicist kept going back to him trying to dig stuff up and finally came through.
Howard talked about Hall and Oates for a few minutes after that. They talked about who the brains of the group was and how Hall was the one who wrote most of the stuff. Gary came in and said he thinks that it was a collaborative effort there and it wasn't like Simon and Garfunkle where Simon had all of the writing talent.
Gary said he's pretty sure that Hall and Oates weren't like that. He started to get into it again so Howard told him to hold off until the guy comes in. Gary said that they are the biggest singing duo of all time and that gets them a spot on the show. Howard mentioned that Larry Pierce is going to be coming in today as well.
Howard said that Fred Thompson doesn't even seem like he's into getting into office. He said he seems to be less of a Type A personality than even Ronald Regan was. Howard didn't know the woman's name so he asked the guys if they knew. Fred said it was Jeri Kean or something like that. She's 41 years old according to what they read but Howard said that she can't be that old. He said that she still has that ''young hair'' that 40 year old women usually lose.
Howard and the guys talked about how sometimes you see a hot chick, from behind, walking down the street in New York City but they turn out to be not so hot. Howard said that he has seen someone that looks like Carmen Electra from behind and then you get up and see their face and you find a Beatrice Arthur.
Howard wondered if Kanye's mother went to a black doctor just because he was black. Robin said she thinks that she may have gone to him because he was the only one willing to do the procedure that she wanted. Howard said that he's no Dog the Bounty Hunter and saying that all black doctors are bad. He's just wondering if black people will only go to black doctors. Robin said that some do.
Howard said that the movie he pitched him the other day wasn't quite what he was looking for. He said that his audience wants to see him with hot chicks. Robin asked why they can't have the script he has right now. Howard said that he's holding out for a big time Hollywood deal on that one.
Eric said that it's too bad that he can't call in next week to talk about this. He then realized that he can have two weeks to work on the scrip. Artie told him that they'll come in next week just for that. Howard told Eric to work on an action film. Howard suggested he come up with a movie where he's ''Lil Bond'' or ''002 1/2.''
Eric said that he'll work on something and have some ideas after Thanksgiving. He said that he sent the two script outlines to a guy who's on Little People Big World for his opinion. No one knew who he was though. Robin knew the show though and said it's great.
Howard threw out a bunch of ideas for Eric to work on. He had one where Eric could play a cannonball in a war movie. Fred then threw in some music to go along with those ideas. Howard said that he could even play ''Lil Hitler'' where he's playing him as a young boy. He said that Eric could play the part and boss everyone around. He said that he could have a Hitler look if they put a moustache on him. He said he'd have to learn German though. He told him he could even do it in English if he wants to. He asked Eric to say ''I'm five years old, are you a Jew?'' Eric wasn't interested in playing that part.
Howard said he had pitched Eric a bunch of stuff he was interested in and if Eric can work on something like that, he'd be interested in it. He said he needs some fun, action and hot chicks in this movie. Robin likes the spy thing and Eric wearing a tuxedo playing the part. Howard said that Eric could be in black face when he gets in disguise. Eric said he had an idea himself. He said that he could do an Oceans 11 type movie. He couldn't think of any buddies to have in the movie but he'd be the one robbing the casino. Howard said he could disguise himself as a poker chip.
Howard suggested ''Midget Harry'' instead of Dirty Harry. Eric didn't like that one. Robin thought that he should do an Edward G Robinson movie. Howard threw out a ''Planet of the Midgets'' movie that was like Planet of the Apes. He and Robin threw out some ideas for that one. Artie threw out one called ''Wee Largo'' instead of Key Largo. Eric didn't want anything with the word Midget in it. Howard said that's fine. Howard then threw out ''Midgetblanca'' instead of Casablanca. Eric wasn't happy with that. Howard said that Midget Godfather would be out of the question then. That didn't stop he and Artie from going into their Godfather scenes doing them in their midget voices.
Eric didn't like the midget thing so Howard suggested ''Smallfellas'' instead of Goodfellas. Eric didn't want anything to do with henry Hill and that's what Goodfellas was about. Howard threw out some other ideas but Eric wasn't going along with many of them. Artie said that Eric could play the part of Al Pacino's gun in Scarface at the end of the movie. He said ''Say hello to my little friend...'' and Eric would be his little friend. They threw out ''Forest Stump'' and some other movie ideas.
Howard told Eric to get started on something but asked him not to get too wordy. Fred threw out one more idea of ''Midget Frankenstein'' or ''Lil Dracula.'' Howard liked the Dracula thing. Eric didn't like that idea because he said that Jonathan Lipniki had done something similar to what they were subscribing. Artie was still on the Midget Godfather thing and threw out another line. Eric said that he's more Irish than Italian so he didn't want to play that part. The guys told him that he's acting, he doesn't need to actually be Italian. Marlon Brando wasn't Italian either so the guys told Eric he'd be fine in that part.
Eric said he liked some of the ideas and he'll get working on them. Howard thanked him for calling in and said that he can be nude in them if he wants. Eric said that he's not going to be nude in any movie. Artie said that if he plays the part of Al Pacino's gun they'd have to figure out what part of him would be the trigger. Howard said he's not trying to bust Eric's balls and he really wants an original film from this guy. He said he thinks his fans want to see this kind of programming. He told Eric he was sold and said he hopes that it works out. It sounds promising at this point but they don't know if it'll actually get made.
Howard let Eric go but then threw out another idea of ''American Midget in London.'' Howard asked Doug Goodstein if they can actually do something like this. Doug came in and said that they are going to take it seriously and they will give Eric a budget if Howard is behind this. Artie said he had a friend, Joey Nelms, called him last night and told him that he'd direct Eric's movie. He said he's directed some short films and he'd love to do this. Howard said that he's got the part if he's directed ''short'' films.
Howard said that he saw who got voted off in the paper as he was talking about the show. He said that Jenni Garth is very weird on that show. She makes weird twitchy faces during the show and looks like she's going to fall apart at any moment. Howard was doing an impression of her twitches for the guys in the studio and it got a laugh out of them. Artie said the impression makes it look like she's on crystal meth. That led to the guys talking about how that stuff can really fuck up people's looks. They
Howard said that he saw Richard Simmons on that Dancing with the Stars and he's really not aging well. He said that he's still wearing that tank top and short shorts and he's looking kind of flabby. He's 59 years old according to the info that Fred found. Howard said that Jenni Garth was so fucked up that they had Richard Simmons come in to give her confidence. Artie said that made him want to watch that show.
Howard said that Jenni Garth was actually taking Richard seriously. He played some audio of her talking to Richard about all of that. Artie said he really does have to watch that show after hearing that clip. The guys talked about Richard for a few minutes after that and goofed on him about some of the weird stuff he's done over the years. They also had some edited clips of Richard that the guys put together so it sounded like he was saying some really weird stuff.
Howard said that he was listening to that call that Sal did with Gary the Retard during the replay yesterday and he wanted to play it again because it was so funny. He went right into the call after that. Sal was transferring Gary the Retard to Chinese food restaurants and Gary thought he was being transferred to a secretary. Gary got all pissed off and demanded that Sal get back on the phone. He demanded that he put Richard on the phone over and over again. Howard wondered what Gary wanted to talk to Richard so badly about. He said that Sal sure knows how to bust balls.
Howard said that Crazy Alice called in and left some voice mail the other day and that led to Sal and Richard calling and busting her balls. Howard played the voice mail she left where she complains about not having her show airing on Howard TV or something. Then he played the call that Richard and Benjy did. They had their voices disguised so she wouldn't know it was them. They told her that they weren't going to put her Howard TV episode up on the service because no one gives a shit about her. She called them some names and then hung up on him. Benjy called back as a woman, with his voice going through something that really changed it to sound like a woman. He told her that many of the people at the company are Jewish and that's why they weren't going to put her show up. Meanwhile her show did air on Howard TV. Benjy called Alice back as a woman again and she went off on her calling her a cunt and screaming at her not to call again. Howard had to go to break after that.