Howard brought up the many fake stories that are going around about the terrorist attacks and related incidents. He said a lot of people come up to him with stories that they think are being hidden from the public for one reason or another. Then there are the e-mails with wacky ideas for what to do to Osama bin Laden and all of that. Howard said he hates when all of these dopey people come up to him with ''what we should do'' ideas for Afghanistan and Osama bin Laden.
Howard said that his prostate was bothering him over the weekend so he wasn't able to have sex with his girlfriend last night. He and Gary exchanged prostate stories for a couple of minutes.
Gary said he wasn't able to get much sleep last night because of something he saw on ''60 Minutes'' last night. They basically said that the nuclear reactors in our country are unprotected and could be blown up easily. If that had happened instead of the World Trade Center thing then we could all be dead by now. Howard and the rest of the gang also discussed the anthrax scare for a little while.
Howard took a call from Joey Boots who said that Beetlejuice and his manager Sean were handcuffed out in Los Angeles over the weekend. This guy Jamie that they hang out with apparently went nuts on the plane they were on and he got arrested. Beetlejuice and Sean got taken off the plane at the time but they were later released while Jamie went to jail.
Later in the morning Howard had another F-Emmy to give away. The category was Best Street Interview With a Comedian. The nominees were:
Howard said he went to get a touch up on his tattoo over the weekend. The woman who did his latest tattoo wanted to give it some more color so Howard went in and let her do her thing. His buddy Ralph was hanging around with him too so he had a story to tell about him being a pain in his ass too. Ralph hung out with Howard while he got his tattoo done so Ralph wanted him to do the same thing. Howard just wanted to get out of there but he said he ended up hanging out with him for a little while.
Howard did a quick exam on Sally by cupping her breast and doing a little feeling around. Robin tried to advise him how to do it correctly but he didn't do what she told him. KC was standing around watching and laughing. He thought it was funny the way Howard gently touched the woman's breasts as he did the exam.
After the exam Howard gave out an F-Emmy award and then went on to talk about how he rented the movie ''Josie and the Pussycats'' and now regrets it. He thought he'd read a good review somewhere but he must have been wrong. He said it was awful. He knew five minutes in that it was going to suck but he stuck with it for about 20 minutes before turning it off. He also rented ''Sweet November'' starring Keanu Reeves. He said that was also horrible because Keanu can't act.
One thing Howard did enjoy was last week's season premiere of ''Survivor Africa.'' Robin said she didn't want to start watching another season of that show but she's also hooked.
Howard brought up the Mike Tyson fight that went on over the weekend. Howard seems to think that the fight was a set up because the guy that fought Tyson looked like a ''man-woman'' who was really out of shape. Howard said he felt bad for that guy after the fight because he took so much of a beating. A listener called in with tape of Mike praising ''God'' instead of his usual praising of ''Allah.''
Howard said when he wanted to go down to Nobu over the weekend Ronnie the Limo Driver told him he'd never get down there because they have a lot of the roads closed off around there. Howard said that Ronnie always does stuff like that when he wants to go somewhere. He said he's never met a limo driver who hates driving for a living. Ronnie came in and said that he never told Howard that he'd never get to Nobu, someone else told him that it would be tough and that's what he told Howard. Ronnie and Howard went at each other for a couple of minutes and then Howard moved on to do another F-Emmy Award.
The next F-Emmy Award Howard gave away this morning was for Best Celebrity Revelation: Male
Jackie Marie has done a bunch of special edition Playboy magazines including a foot fetish edition. Jackie took off her pants for Howard so he could check out this crystal decoration thing that Completely Bare does. Howard said she had a sunburst on her private area. Her area was shaved almost completely bare and she had this crystal design down there. Everyone wondered how that feels when she's having sex. She said it doesn't bother her and her boyfriend has never had a problem with it either. Howard also noticed that she also had her private parts pierced. He said she was really hot too. After talking to the girls for a short time he let them go and was going to move on other things. He started to take other phone calls but then started talking about the piercing that Jackie had. He wondered if she had her clitoris pierced or some other part of her area done. He called her back in the studio so he could find out more. Jackie Marie came back in and ended up going over to Howard so he could check out the piercing himself. Unfortunately there were a lot of delay button hits during this segment so it was hard to follow exactly what she was saying. From what I understand, it wasn't her clitoris that was pierced. She told Howard the part that was pierced was ''right next to'' the clitoris. Gary came in and told Howard she didn't even know where her clitoris was because the piercing was at least 2 inches away from it. She argued with him a little bit but it didn't last too long. Howard just kept telling her how hot she was and thanked her for the very close up view he got of her private parts. He told her that she actually had attractive private parts. He said a lot of women don't have private parts that he'd consider ''attractive'' but she sure did.
Howard another F-Emmy Award for Most Misguided Guest to give away. The nominees were:
After taking a break Howard came back and had the Lifetime Achievement F-Emmy Award to announce. The award is going to Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer) and he had a compilation of the many things they've done with the Woody Allen sound-alike. After he played the compilation he said they'd be awarding Wood Yi with the F-Emmy on tomorrow's show.
Howard is really bothered by this anthrax scare. He said he forgot about the bombing going on over in Afghanistan because of the news coverage of the anthrax thing. He read about how Tom Brokaw is getting tested for the bacteria but no one in Howard's studio thinks that Tom was ever anywhere near the mail that contained the anthrax that was addressed to him.
Gary came in and said that they haven't touched their mail since Friday. He said he's waiting for Tom Chiusano to return from his golf trip so he can make up a policy for opening the mail. Stuttering John said other parts of their company like MTV have policies in place for their mail opening. Mike Gange from E! said that E! has a policy that says anything without a return address on it goes back to the post office.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that the next way to spread the anthrax might just be on our money. Welcome to your worst nighmare!
Howard said he was going to move on to some lighter stuff after taking a break. He brought up ''Surviving Gilligan's Island'' that was on CBS the other night. He and Stuttering John said they both watched the show all the way through. Howard mentioned a couple of things that happened on the show like the fact that they made Tina Louise look like she was a real bitch. He also said that Russell Johnson who played the Professor on the show now looks like the Skipper (Alan Hale) because he's got a big fat head and white hair. Howard and John said the show was really bad but they watched it all the way through because it was fascinating. Howard had to put off the rest of the discussion until a little later. Jim Florentine told Howard about a dream he had about Robin. It sounded pretty lame. Howard also took a call from a guy who saw Robin on ''Who Wants to Be a Millionaire'' last night. She seems to have a tough time with the fastest finger part of the game and she failed to get in the hot seat last night. It turns out that Robin has a form of dyslexia and she's unable to arrange the answers fast enough.
Jennifer went over to Howard and took off her top to reveal her breasts. It sounded like everyone was very impressed with them. Howard had her raise up her arm and then checked her for lumps. Robin told him he was doing it all wrong and corrected him. Howard then checked her for a few seconds and said he couldn't find any lumps except the one in his pants.
Howard let Jennifer's boyfriend come in so he could check the guy out. Howard said the guy looked like Ahmet Zappa with his bald head. The guy said that he has been chasing this girl around since 1993. Howard spoke to him for about a minute and was about to let them go. Some of the guys wanted to see her ass but she wouldn't take off her pants. Gary came in and offered her $1000 to take off her pants but she said she just wasn't comfortable doing that. She let Howard feel her up but she wouldn't take her pants off. She wouldn't even agree to get in a bikini. Some of the guys thought that she must have something to hide down there.
Howard was going to let them leave again but Gary asked her if she'd ever tried lesbian stuff. She said she did experiment a bit after college and she wouldn't be against it happening again in the future. Howard and the guys started digging into the story and got some of the details out of her. She said she had worked with this other woman for about 6 months and they became friends. Jennifer said she was attracted to this woman but she didn't know why. She told Howard more and more details and the story got even better. Jennifer said the other woman tied her up and left her tied up for about a half hour. Then the woman undressed her and did her thing. Jennifer said that the woman was very good at what she did.
Jennifer told Howard that she's had about a 50/50 split of women and men sex partners in her life. For some reason she's going to settle down with this guy she's with now.
Howard made a deal with Jennifer as he was going to break. He said that all of the guys would get in bikinis if she got in one too. That way she could stick around for another half hour.
After the break they all came back dressed in their bikinis. Howard said KC looked pretty good in a bikini. Jennifer returned and she looked great according to Howard. He thought she was going to have a bad ''caboose'' but it turned out to be nice. Howard said Jim Florentine had a nut hanging out of his bikini. Howard had stuffed a tissue down his shorts to help fill out his package.
Robin did a little judging of the bikini clad guys. She had them parade around a little bit as she checked them out. She said that some of the guys looked okay in their bikinis. Jennifer ended up taking her top off one more time for the guys too.
Robin Radzinski from E! came in and told Howard they're going to try and get this show on E! for Thursday and Friday of this week.
A couple of the interns at the station came in and judged the guys in their bikinis real quick. They said Howard looked pretty good. Jennifer said that both Howard and KC looked really good. The interns said that Stuttering John, Gary and Benjy were all in the same class.
Howard had to move on to other things but they all stayed in their bikinis. He got back to ''Surviving Gilligan's Island'' and spent some time talking about that. Gary had the ratings and the show actually did pretty good against shows like ''Law and Order'' and ''Alias.'' Howard talked about how they brought back Mary Ann (Dawn Wells), Gilligan (Bob Denver) and the Professor (Russell Johnson) for the show. They also reenacted behind the scenes stuff with other actors. Howard talked about a lot of the facts that he learned during the 2 hour show. He learned that people like Carroll O'Connor, Raquel Welch, Dabney Coleman and Jerry Van Dyke were up for parts in the show but they didn't get the roles. Howard also brought up how Tina Louise was portrayed to be a real bitch in this show. They made her look really bad and made Bob Denver look like a really good guy. Howard said he learned that the Professor's character name was Roy Hinkley and the Skipper's character name was Jonas Grumby. Gilligan's character name was Willie Gilligan. The Skipper always wore his skipper's hat and he was buried at sea when he passed away. Howard went on and on with all of this stuff he learned.
Gary had a phone number for Tina Louise so he tried getting her on the phone. He only got her voice mail though so that didn't happen. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in on his cell phone and added a little bit to the conversation. Melrose Larry Green also called in and played a clip from the show where they bash Tina Louise. Shortly after that Howard took a break so he could do some other stuff.
Howard also brought up the KFC commercials Jason is doing. Jason said he's getting seven figures for those commercials in a multi-year contract with the restaurant chain.
After getting off the phone with Jason Howard did another F-Emmy Award. He played the Lifetime Achievement Award for Wood Yi late in the show yesterday. He replayed it today and then had Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer) come in to accept it. Wood Yi made a (pre-recorded) acceptance speech and made many jokes about Soon Yi and all of the other stuff he always jokes about.
Yet another category up today was Most Annoying Guest. Howard played short clips of each nominee. And the nominees were:
Howard had to interrupt (hang up on) Johnny so he could get to Tina Louise who called in.
Tina said she had fun doing that show and they didn't really show that in the special. She said she wasn't ashamed to be on the show like they made it seem in the special. When the show got canceled Tina said she went back to work.
After Tina got off the phone Howard and the crew continued their discussion about the special. Some of the guys said they want to see a special about ''Star Trek'' so they can find out how much of a prick William Shatner was behind the scenes.
Howard and the guys started talking to Tatsura about flying out to New York and whether or not he was scared. Tatsura said something about the World Trade Center not being as bad as the bombing of Hiroshima. That quickly led to a whole long discussion about what Tatsura thinks happened during World War II. What he has been told about the war didn't quite line up with what we here in the United States have learned about WWII. Gary and Howard both argued with Tatsura about the stories he told. He was talking about how we killed many innocent people when we bombed Hiroshima and that was a form of terrorism back then. Gary was very vocal during the discussion but Tatsura wasn't fazed by any of it.
Howard eventually wrapped up the segment and said that you can book this guy, along with his Chris Tucker look-alike partner, for parties or events over at Look-Alikes.com. He also asked Tatsura to bow to him before he left. He also told him to go back to school to learn the truth about World War II and what really happened.
Howard said he met Jim's girlfriend yesterday. She's the one who grabs guy's nuts to greet them instead of shaking their hands. Howard didn't have the pleasure of that greeting though. Artie Lange did get that greeting when he showed up last night. Artie didn't know that it was Jim's girlfriend though. Jim told Howard that his girlfriend is so hot that guys come up to her and beg her to marry them and stuff like that. Even when Jim is walking hand in hand with her these guys come up to her and beg her to talk to them. Jim thinks that the only reason she stays with him is because he's in show business. He said if he was mowing lawns for a living she wouldn't even look at him.
A caller from the Toronto area called in and said that the show was preempted this morning for some reason. They made an announcement that the show contained material that was against Canadian broadcast standards and played 'Best Of' at the beginning of the show. Howard couldn't figure out what it was that they were discussing that would cause that problem though. Gary told Howard that he called up there and it was just technical problems and they may have played the wrong tape when they interrupted the show. Howard ended up talking about Canada for a few minutes and ended up on the subject of the drinking age and fake IDs. Howard and Gary told stories about using fake IDs to get into places they weren't supposed to get into. That led to discussions about drinking and pot smoking.
Howard played tape of some news coverage about Tom Brokaw and how he might have been exposed to anthrax. He knows he wasn't tested positive for the virus but he's playing it up like he was.
Howard mentioned that Paul McCartney is going to be on the show tomorrow. He ended up having a discussion about what he's going to talk to Paul about when he comes in. He's not sure exactly what he's going to ask him about but he does want to find out what he thinks about all of these horrible celebrity covers of Beatles songs. Howard had a CD full of the cover songs so he played a few of them including celebrities like Bing Crosby, Mae West, Ella Fitzgerald and William Shatner. Howard wants to play them for Paul and get his reaction on them. Howard also mentioned that Ozzy Osbourne will be in tomorrow and he wants to stop in to meet Paul McCartney when he's there. Howard said it's going to be a weird moment.
Howard had another F-Emmy Award to give away so here it is. The category was Best Butt Performer and the nominees were:
Howard had other business to take care of while Gilbert was in. He had another F-Emmy Award to give away. This category was Most Unintelligible Guest. The nominees were:
Two women showed up to get their breasts examined for Breast Cancer Awareness month. Allison and Erin both came in to let Howard feel them up for a couple of minutes. He spoke to the girls for a couple of minutes and found out that Allison is an art psychotherapist. Howard had to find out what that was all about. She said she works with children and has them create artwork to find out what their problems are so she can help cure them of whatever their psychological problems might be. Howard said that 30-year-old Allison looks kind of like Rikki Lake and 24-year-old Erin looked like a supermodel. Unfortunately he was interrupted when Daryl Hannah called in. He had to take a quick break and then came back to talk to her on the phone.
Daryl Hannah called in to promote the movie she's appearing in called ''Dancing at the Blue Iguana'' which opens in New York and Los Angeles on November 3rd. Daryl told Howard that the movie was completely improvised and it's about the lives of strippers. Daryl appears topless in the movie. Daryl said that she did 4 months of research for the part and she was actually dancing (in a bikini) at a club for a month or so. She said she was in disguise at the time so no one recognized her.
Howard brought up a bunch of things that he's read about Daryl in the tabloids but Daryl told him he's got to stop reading that stuff because it's just not true. He also tried to get her to talk about some of the relationships she's had but she told him that she doesn't like to talk about that stuff.
Howard wanted to know why Daryl lived in a teepee for a while. Daryl told him that she was refurbishing a house on her property and she had a teepee put up so she could stay there. She said it was actually a nice place to live for a while. Howard said he thinks that she's like a hippie-type from all of the things he's read about her. She said she's really not, she's just a normal person. She did admit that she's somewhat of a hermit but she's not a hippie.
Howard did get Daryl to call Oliver Stone a dickhead at one point. He brought up how she didn't get along with Stone when she was in the movie ''Wall Street'' and called him a dickhead. He then asked Daryl why she didn't get along with him and she jokingly said ''because he's a dickhead... just kidding.'' Then she said she just didn't get along with him. She then said that he was a very talented film maker though.
Howard continued to ask her questions about what she was wearing and stuff like that. As he was wrapping up the call and plugging the movie Daryl told him that her breasts look a little small in the film because she lost some fat because she was working out pretty hard for the part.
After the call Howard got back to the breast exams. He quickly checked Erin's B-cup breasts and said he couldn't find any lumps. He then checked Allison's C-cups and thought he'd found a lump at one point. He had her check it herself but it disappeared for some reason. The whole time Howard was feeling up Allison Fred was playing car horn honking sound effects so you could almost visualize what he was doing. Allison kept offering to check Howard for testicular cancer but he didn't want her to do that.
After wrapping up the segment with the girls Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Gilbert Gottfried about masturbation. He wanted to find out what Gilbert's ritual was for watching porno and whacking off. Gilbert just kept joking around and wouldn't tell Howard what he does. Howard ended up talking about his ritual and how he lays in bed with a box of tissues nearby so he can rub one out as he watched a porno in his bedroom.
Howard made fun of the Prince a little bit and Gilbert Gottfried started doing an impression of what the guy would be like if he were the Elephant Man. He did an impression of the Elephant Man and ended up spitting on Tavania as he slurred his speech. Tavania said she was more afraid sitting next to Gilbert than she was meeting the Prince for the first time.
Tavania went on to tell Howard how she won a $40,000 necklace and a trip to Rome on the show. She spent 5 days in Rome with the Prince but they had a chaperone and a camera crew on them the whole time so not all that much happened. She said the Prince never even kissed her. He did have his hand on her lap at one point but he never made any moves on her. She said that the Prince will be coming to the country in December so he'll be visiting her then. She said that the guy really was more attractive in person than he was on the show.
Tavania is friends with this woman Toni who was on FOX's ''Love Cruise'' reality TV show. Toni was in the green room so Howard had her come in also. Howard said he really didn't like Toni on the show because she's the one whose eyes are always bugging out of her head when she yells at someone. When she came in Howard said she lost some weight. Toni said she lost about 15 pounds since the shoot. He said she was more attractive today than she was on the show. He spoke to her for a few minutes and let his buddy Ralph call in and talk about the show for a few minutes. After that Howard ended the segment and took a break.
After the break Howard came back and said he tried to hook Gilbert up with the girls but nothing happened. Howard said that people think that you get chicks just because you're famous... That isn't true for Gilbert though.
Howard quickly mentioned that he and some of the other guys on the show got to see a screening of the new Johnny Depp movie ''From Hell'' and they enjoyed it. Howard said it was good and he'd recommend it. Gary said he liked ''the look'' of the movie. Jim Florentine said he thought it was going to be more gory than it was. Howard said it was pretty graphic at times but the whole movie wasn't that gory.
Comedian Artie Lange was sitting in this morning. First thing Howard brought up was the Polaroid film company. The other day he had a discussion about how they had filed for bankruptcy and that he was sorry to see them go. He wondered what people were going to do about instant film if that company went away. The people at Polaroid called up the show and told him that even though they've filed for bankruptcy, they'll still be around. Howard said he was happy to hear that because people will still be able to use instant film for pornographic pictures and stuff like that.
Howard said that Paul seems to be a really great guy who has the ability to love. He said he must be a saint because he's able to appreciate what he has. He said that he meets a woman and falls in love with her and sticks with her for a long time. He said it's truly remarkable that he can do that.
Robin said that Howard is making up all of this stuff about him in his mind, he doesn't know what his relationships are really like. Howard said he does know from people who knew Linda McCartney. Robin said that's only what they knew of her life, they didn't know everything.
Gary said that he found out that Paul's least favorite remake of a song was Elvis Presley's remake of ''Yesterday.'' Howard played a little bit of that cover and talked about how it wasn't the worst cover he's ever heard. He said it could have been much worse. He asked Gary to remind him to replay that for Paul when he comes in.
The guys talked about some other things they knew about Paul. They talked about some of the songs that Paul owns the rights to, his kids and how they were raised and more.
Howard said that when you go to a strip club you have to do things differently than you do when you're in a regular relationship. You don't just throw money at the chick like you do in a regular relationship. You have to ''crank your yank'' before you go to the club because you don't want to get too excited. He said that you won't be so crazy to get touched if you do that. Howard said that guys lose all of their money because they're trying to get something going with those chicks. They went to break a short time later.
A phone caller told Howard that he really likes Artie Lange on the show but he thinks that when he appeared on the TV show ''Norm'' the show ''jumped the shark.'' Howard then said he was kind of worried about that because Artie has been on a couple of bombs and maybe he's bad luck. Artie didn't know what he was talking about. He was on MAD TV and that's still on the air. Howard thought it was off the air. He was on ''Norm'' and poor Norm Macdonald's career has gone down the toilet since then. Artie was also in one of David Spade's movies that bombed.
Howard was talking about the cancellation of the Emmy awards because of the anthrax scare that's been going on lately. He said it's ridiculous for them to cancel them over this stuff. Every other TV show has gone on to do their thing and they should just go with it. No one is going to attack the Emmy Awards.
Howard took a call from a woman who told Robin to quiet down a little bit during the Paul McCartney interview because she can talk too much sometimes. Another caller said that he heard a report that people die of the flu every year and the anthrax has only killed a couple so far so there's nothing to worry about.
Howard said he finally got to watch the new TV show ''Smallville'' that aired earlier this week. He said the show was really good. Robin said she can't wait until next week's episode but she said Superboy's powers are too controlled. She thinks that he should be learning how to use his powers in the show. Howard agreed and said that the one thing that didn't seem right was the fact that Clark Kent had to use a telescope to look at the stars and spy on Lana Lang. Howard said he has super vision so he shouldn't need a telescope.
Howard had another F-Emmy Award to give out. The category was Foulest Mouthed Celebrity and the nominees were:
Howard took a call from a guy who said that had an article about Ozzy where he thought he was kind of bad mouthing McCartney. He read the article to Howard and it was actually Sharon who had some negative things to say about him.
Howard talked about James Gandolfini for a short time. He said that he should just stick to that part and no try to do other things like this new movie of his called ''The Castle.'' Howard said Gandolfini is going to leave The Sopranos and have an awful movie career. He's great at the head of the Sopranos but that's the part he should stick to.
Howard was going to go to break but Fred played some ''Hey Jude'' and Artie started singing along to it. He knew all of the lyrics. Howard said he's heard the songs many times and even he doesn't remember the lyrics. He tried singing along to it but he wasn't having as much luck as Artie was. Howard said he thought that song was about his son Julian but it didn't make much sense.
Howard said he'll have to ask Paul about that song too. He's got tons of questions for him and he's going to have to write it all down so he doesn't forget. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard heard a commercial this morning for this product called Longitude. They claim it'll make your penis larger in just 30 days. Howard said he was thinking of trying it out but he's not sure if he's going to. He played the commercial back and talked about how sexy the woman's voice sounded. In the commercial she talks about how size does matter and Howard said he knew that was true. He said his girlfriend tells him his is fine but he knew that she probably wanted bigger.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that the stuff doesn't make you longer, it makes you ''larger.'' Howard thought he was on it but Vinnie wouldn't say he was. He said that he was just listening to the commercial and what they say in that. Howard thought she said it makes it longer but Vinnie insisted it was ''larger.'' Howard replayed it and she says ''one inch larger.'' Howard said he's seen Vinnie's penis and he doesn't need anything. He said they were at a strip club in New Orleans and he looked over at Vinnie at one point and he was naked. Vinnie said that was a very strange night.
Vinnie said that he was dying not being there for Paul McCartney. Howard said they had to keep him out after he ruined the Ringo Starr interview. Vinnie said that he sent along a bunch of notes about him but Howard wasn't all that impressed with the info he sent.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he took those pills that Howard was talking about and they did nothing. He said that they even tell you to pull and tug on your stuff at night to help it grow. Howard said that he does that to himself already anyway.
Howard had Brian on the phone and said he knows he wasn't looking for a prize or anything. He read some notes about the guy and found out that he was a paramedic and he won some award for saving a mother and baby. Brian told Howard about how he saved the baby from being stuck in a car that had crashed. He said the mother wasn't able to save the kid because she had a broken arm and some other injuries. Howard said this guy has balls, he could never do that stuff. Howard said that's why Brian has the award and he doesn't.
Brian said he didn't win all that much money on Card Sharks. Howard said he saw the show and he thinks that it was rigged. The guys spent a few minutes talking about some other game show hosts that they like. They brought up Louie Anderson who was hosting The Family Feud. Artie did an impression of him and goofed on his voice a little bit. He and Howard said that he's really funny but he doesn't care about his look or anything.
Howard gave the guy a TiVo unit as reward for mentioning his name.
Howard found out that Ozzy likes to use a lot of Viagra. Ozzy said something about 15 pills and Sharon said that he sucks on them because he likes the taste. Ozzy said he's an addict and he likes the taste of medication, that's why he sucks on them.
Howard couldn't get off the subject of Sharon's weight loss. Sharon told Howard about the procedure she had done and how it's safer than having your stomach stapled like Carnie Wilson had done. Howard thought she had some other surgery done on her but she said she wouldn't do that at this point in her life. She just lost the weight and Robin said she didn't even recognize her out in the hallway.
Howard spoke to the two of them about their sex life too. Sharon said the last time they had sex was probably a month ago but Ozzy seems to think it was even longer. He told Howard one story about going to Japan one time with Sharon. He got so wasted when he got there that he forgot that Sharon was there so he went out and got himself a Japanese woman to bang. He got back to his hotel room and his wife was there. She knocked the Japanese woman out and smashed a picture frame over Ozzy's head.
Some of the stuff Ozzy was saying had to be interpreted by Sharon because he tends to ramble and mumble quite a bit. It was very amusing. Howard wrapped up the interview by taking a phone call. The caller told Howard that Ozzy's new album was great. Howard then played a bit of the new single and then took a commercial break so he could get to Paul McCartney.
The excitement in the studio was very high when Paul showed up. You could hear it in both Howard and Robin's voices that they were thrilled to have Paul there.
Paul told Howard that he has heard and seen his show on occasion. He said he'd listen in his car once in a while. His limo driver actually told him not to do Howard's show because he's so nasty but Paul decided to give it a try anyway.
Howard said that Paul must be one of the most loving guys in the world because he stayed with Linda so long. Howard seems to think that Paul could have had his choice of any woman but he stayed with Linda for 30 years. He claims that he was with her almost every day of his life from the time they were married until Linda died. The longest period he stayed away was when he was arrested in Japan for marijuana possession. He spent a short time telling Howard about that experience and how he thought he was going to be serving 7 years hard labor over there. Paul also told Howard he got his ''rock star'' lifestyle out of his system before he met Linda so he was ready to settle down with her. He also said everything was different with her when he met her.
Howard also questioned Paul about Yoko Ono and how she actually met him before she met John Lennon. Then she claimed that she didn't even know who the Beatles were. Paul said he couldn't say too much about Yoko because he could get in trouble with her. He did tell his side of the story though and it sounds like Yoko knew exactly who the Beatles were before she met John. Paul said that life's too short to worry about stuff like that though.
Howard asked Paul why he wasn't involved in the John Lennon Tribute that took place a few weeks ago. Paul said he had other things to do and he also thought it would be a little weird for him to be there singing the songs. Howard also brought up how Julian Lennon wasn't invited to the tribute. Once again Paul didn't want to get into that whole discussion in public.
Howard asked Paul what he thought about the rumor that their manager gave John Lennon oral sex at one point. Paul said that his theory was that it never happened. Paul said that whenever he saw John, whether he was sober or not, he was always with a woman.
Howard brought up Paul's current fiancé Heather and asked if his kids are still upset that he's going to get married. Paul said they've come around recently and they're not upset about the marriage. Howard seemed to think that the kids would be upset about losing their inheritance to their stepmother but Paul said he told them that won't happen. Paul also told Howard how he has tried to raise his kids like normal kids. He sent them to public schools so they'd grow up without being spoiled rich kids. He wanted them to experience real people so they'd respect them like he had to do. Paul told Howard that 15 months after Linda died he met Heather and he felt guilty that he was going with another woman. He said he walked around alone and asked Linda to give him a sign if it was okay to be going out with this other woman. He said he heard an owl hoot and he took that as a yes.
Michael Jackson's name also came up. Michael owns the publishing rights to the Beatles songs. Paul said he used to have a good relationship with Michael until he got the publishing rights. After that Paul said he wrote to Michael asking him for a raise on his royalties but he doesn't ever get an answer so he doesn't have much of a relationship with him anymore. He finds the whole situation ironic. Paul does own a lot of publishing rights to a lot of songs. He said he got advice from his father-in-law when he got married to Linda. He suggested that Paul invest his money in a music publishing company and that's what he ended up doing. It took all of the money he had at the time but it's paid off in the long run. Paul said it was very risky but he lucked out.
Howard has heard over the years that Paul would sometimes play drums instead of Ringo on some of their songs. Paul said that sometimes that would happen and no one else in the band would hold it against him. He said he'd sometimes play some of George Harrison's guitar parts too if he thought it would help the song. He said the other guys were cool with it.
Howard heard that Paul disliked Elvis' cover of ''Yesterday'' so he asked him about that. Paul said that he doesn't hate any of the cover versions of their songs. He said that the Elvis cover was funny because he screwed up the lyrics at one point. Howard played him a few clips from the cover songs from Ella Fitzgerald, Bing Crosby and William Shatner. They all got a few laughs out of the songs.
Howard plugged Paul's new album ''Driving Rain'' which comes out November 13th. He also played the new single that Paul has coming out called ''Lover to a Friend.'' The proceeds from the song will go to the families of the police and fire department employees who were lost in the September 11th tragedy. Paul said that he was sitting in an airplane on the runway getting ready to fly back to England when the tragedy happened. He could actually see the smoke from the World Trade Center out the window of the plane. He's also playing a concert this Saturday that will also go to help those lost in the tragedy. Howard took a few phone calls including one from Vinnie Favale who was upset he wasn't allowed in the studio today. Howard told Vinnie earlier in the show that he ruined the Ringo Starr interview recently so he didn't want him doing the same to Paul's interview. Vinnie asked Paul a couple of questions and Howard cut him off. After the phone calls Howard let Paul go and took a break.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard he did a great job with the interview. They spent a minute on that. Then Double A called in and told Howard how great that interview was and how great this day was for the Howard Stern Show. Howard wondered if there was anyone out there who didn't know who Paul was.
The naked car wash girls, Taylor and Sky, that were on earlier never made it in during the interview so Howard brought them in to check out their car washing abilities. Howard heard that one of the girls was calling Paul McCartney ''Paul McCarthy'' so he started talking to her about other things. He asked both of the girls a few general knowledge questions like:
Howard talked about how someone at Dan Rather's office had contracted the anthrax virus and played some news clips about that. They all spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard also talked about how he was listening to Rush Limbaugh the day before and how he doesn't hear his guests at times. He's apparently losing his hearing and Howard said he feels bad for him. He said he can't imagine what he'd do if he started to lose his own hearing.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. She read through a bunch of stories about the anthrax threats that they've had lately. She went through a few other stories. Howard took a call from a woman who asked Howard if he thinks it's safe to send her son on a field trip to a news station in Cleveland. Howard told her he thinks that the kid will be okay, terrorists aren't sending anthrax to news stations in Cleveland. She said she wasn't going to send him because she is kind of paranoid. Howard said he likes that people like that call him for advice on stuff like that. They wrapped up the show a short time later, around 10:20am (Mastertape Theatre time).
Howard had many things he wanted to ask Paul McCartney about later this morning so he spent quite a bit of time discussing them with Robin and the rest of the crew. Howard brought all of that stuff up during the interview later in the show.
Howard quickly mentioned that the bikini segment they did on Tuesday will be airing tonight and tomorrow on E!. Howard said he watched the show already and he doesn't even know why he's putting it on the air. He and the guys in the studio all got into bikinis to get a hot chick to get in a bikini.
A phone caller told Howard that he really likes Artie Lange on the show but he thinks that when he appeared on the TV show ''Norm'' the show ''jumped the shark.'' Howard then said he was kind of worried about that because Artie has been on a couple of bombs and maybe he's bad luck. Artie didn't know what he was talking about. He was on MAD TV and that's still on the air. Howard thought it was off the air. He was on ''Norm'' and poor Norm Macdonald's career has gone down the toilet since then. Artie was also in one of David Spade's movies that bombed.
Howard said he finally got to watch the new TV show ''Smallville'' that aired earlier this week. He said the show was really good. Robin said she can't wait until next week's episode but she said Superboy's powers are too controlled. She thinks that he should be learning how to use his powers in the show. Howard agreed and said that the one thing that didn't seem right was the fact that Clark Kent had to use a telescope to look at the stars and spy on Lana Lang. Howard said he has super vision so he shouldn't need a telescope.
Yesterday Howard had an F-Emmy Award that was voted on by the listeners via e-mail. The category was Best Song Parody and Howard had the results this morning. The nominees were:
Howard had another F-Emmy Award to give out. The category was Foulest Mouthed Celebrity and the nominees were:
Howard played a quick clip of Jay Leno using his name in his monologue last night. The joke didn't make any sense to Robin. Howard said that Jay won't even offend the terrorists in his monolog. Howard spent a minute talking about how back in World War II celebrities were joking about the Japanese calling them different names but now everyone is politically correct.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how great the Smashing Pumpkins were and how Billy Corgan has just dropped off the radar since his last album tanked. Both Howard and Artie liked the band and spent a couple of minutes talking about their great songs.
Howard heard a commercial this morning for this product called Longitude. They claim it'll make your penis larger in just 30 days. Howard said he was thinking of trying it out but he's not sure if he's going to. He played the commercial back and talked about how sexy the woman's voice sounded.
A fan of Howard's got on the TV game show ''Card Sharks'' and worked Howard's name into it. Howard wanted to reward the guy so he had him on the phone to thank him. He played the audio from the show and gave the guy a TiVo unit as reward for mentioning his name.
Howard found out that Ozzy likes to use a lot of Viagra. Ozzy said something about 15 pills and Sharon said that he sucks on them because he likes the taste. Ozzy said he's an addict and he likes the taste of medication, that's why he sucks on them.
Howard couldn't get off the subject of Sharon's weight loss. Sharon told Howard about the procedure she had done and how it's safer than having your stomach stapled like Carnie Wilson had done. Howard thought she had some other surgery done on her but she said she wouldn't do that at this point in her life. She just lost the weight and Robin said she didn't even recognize her out in the hallway.
Howard spoke to the two of them about their sex life too. Sharon said the last time they had sex was probably a month ago but Ozzy seems to think it was even longer. He told Howard one story about going to Japan one time with Sharon. He got so wasted when he got there that he forgot that Sharon was there so he went out and got himself a Japanese woman to bang. He got back to his hotel room and his wife was there. She knocked the Japanese woman out and smashed a picture frame over Ozzy's head.
Some of the stuff Ozzy was saying had to be interpreted by Sharon because he tends to ramble and mumble quite a bit. It was very amusing. Howard wrapped up the interview by taking a phone call. The caller told Howard that Ozzy's new album was great. Howard then played a bit of the new single and then took a commercial break so he could get to Paul McCartney.
The excitement in the studio was very high when Paul showed up. You could hear it in both Howard and Robin's voices that they were thrilled to have Paul there.
Paul told Howard that he has heard and seen his show on occasion. He said he'd listen in his car once in a while. His limo driver actually told him not to do Howard's show because he's so nasty but Paul decided to give it a try anyway.
Howard said that Paul must be one of the most loving guys in the world because he stayed with Linda so long. Howard seems to think that Paul could have had his choice of any woman but he stayed with Linda for 30 years. He claims that he was with her almost every day of his life from the time they were married until Linda died. The longest period he stayed away was when he was arrested in Japan for marijuana possession. He spent a short time telling Howard about that experience and how he thought he was going to be serving 7 years hard labor over there. Paul also told Howard he got his ''rock star'' lifestyle out of his system before he met Linda so he was ready to settle down with her. He also said everything was different with her when he met her.
Howard also questioned Paul about Yoko Ono and how she actually met him before she met John Lennon. Then she claimed that she didn't even know who the Beatles were. Paul said he couldn't say too much about Yoko because he could get in trouble with her. He did tell his side of the story though and it sounds like Yoko knew exactly who the Beatles were before she met John. Paul said that life's too short to worry about stuff like that though.
Howard asked Paul why he wasn't involved in the John Lennon Tribute that took place a few weeks ago. Paul said he had other things to do and he also thought it would be a little weird for him to be there singing the songs. Howard also brought up how Julian Lennon wasn't invited to the tribute. Once again Paul didn't want to get into that whole discussion in public.
Howard asked Paul what he thought about the rumor that their manager gave John Lennon oral sex at one point. Paul said that his theory was that it never happened. Paul said that whenever he saw John, whether he was sober or not, he was always with a woman.
Howard brought up Paul's current fiancee Heather and asked if his kids are still upset that he's going to get married. Paul said they've come around recently and they're not upset about the marriage. Howard seemed to think that the kids would be upset about losing their inheritance to their stepmother but Paul said he told them that won't happen. Paul also told Howard how he has tried to raise his kids like normal kids. He sent them to public schools so they'd grow up without being spoiled rich kids. He wanted them to experience real people so they'd respect them like he had to do. Paul told Howard that 15 months after Linda died he met Heather and he felt guilty that he was going with another woman. He said he walked around alone and asked Linda to give him a sign if it was okay to be going out with this other woman. He said he heard an owl hoot and he took that as a yes.
Michael Jackson's name also came up. Michael owns the publishing rights to the Beatles songs. Paul said he used to have a good relationship with Michael until he got the publishing rights. After that Paul said he wrote to Michael asking him for a raise on his royalties but he doesn't ever get an answer so he doesn't have much of a relationship with him anymore. He finds the whole situation ironic. Paul does own a lot of publishing rights to a lot of songs. He said he got advice from his father-in-law when he got married to Linda. He suggested that Paul invest his money in a music publishing company and that's what he ended up doing. It took all of the money he had at the time but it's paid off in the long run. Paul said it was very risky but he lucked out.
Howard has heard over the years that Paul would sometimes play drums instead of Ringo on some of their songs. Paul said that sometimes that would happen and no one else in the band would hold it against him. He said he'd sometimes play some of George Harrison's guitar parts too if he thought it would help the song. He said the other guys were cool with it.
Howard heard that Paul disliked Elvis' cover of ''Yesterday'' so he asked him about that. Paul said that he doesn't hate any of the cover versions of their songs. He said that the Elvis cover was funny because he screwed up the lyrics at one point. Howard played him a few clips from the cover songs from Ella Fitzgerald, Bing Crosby and William Shatner. They all got a few laughs out of the songs.
Howard plugged Paul's new album ''Driving Rain'' which comes out November 13th. He also played the new single that Paul has coming out called ''Lover to a Friend.'' The proceeds from the song will go to the families of the police and fire department employees who were lost in the September 11th tragedy. Paul said that he was sitting in an airplane on the runway getting ready to fly back to England when the tragedy happened. He could actually see the smoke from the World Trade Center out the window of the plane. He's also playing a concert this Saturday that will also go to help those lost in the tragedy. Howard took a few phone calls including one from Vinnie Favale who was upset he wasn't allowed in the studio today. Howard told Vinnie earlier in the show that he ruined the Ringo Starr interview recently so he didn't want him doing the same to Paul's interview. Vinnie asked Paul a couple of questions and Howard cut him off. After the phone calls Howard let Paul go and took a break.
After the break Howard said that he was almost speechless when Paul walked in the studio. Gary said he was watching it on the monitor and it was a big deal when he came in. Howard said the McCartney interview will be airing on E! next week, Monday and Tuesday, October 22 and 23 at 11pm
Howard took a call from a guy who saw the E! show last night. It was the show where Howard and the other guys got into bikinis earlier this week. The guy didn't think the girl was all that hot and didn't know what Howard was making a fuss over. Howard said she was hot for a normal girl and her breasts were really perfect. That was the whole reason they wanted to see more of her body.
Another caller told Howard his name is Ben Laden and he's been getting a lot of prank calls because of that. Howard told the guy he should think of changing his name because it's too much like bin Laden. Howard told him to change the last name to Dover... Ben Dover.
Howard was talking about his TiVo digital recording unit and how some of the shows he wants to record conflict with each other. Robin then revealed that she has FIVE TiVounits to make sure she gets all of her conflicting shows recorded. Howard told her she needs to get a life. Howard then revealed his list of TiVorecorded shows which included:
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told him how much better his interview with Paul McCartney was than Larry King's interview was. He told Howard he learned so much more from his show than the Larry King interview. He asked Howard if he could do a live half-hour TV show like Larry King does sometime at night. Howard said he doesn't have the time right now but in a couple of years he might do something like that.
Another caller brought up how the show got cut up the other day when Daryl Hannah called in. Howard said that Andre has been sitting back in the back hitting the delay button on stuff like crazy. He complained about how inconsistent the censoring of the show has been lately and said he doesn't have the strength to fight over it now. Howard said he blames General Manager Tom Chiusano for the situation. He went on to talk about what Tom did during his day yesterday. He said Tom helped scrape bumper stickers off the walls of the station for a while. Howard said there are many other more important things to do around the station that he shouldn't have time to help scrape bumper stickers off the wall. Howard said he's so frustrated with the situation that he's done with radio after his contract is up (in four years). Stuttering John came in and stuttered up a storm telling Howard about seeing Tom scraping the bumper stickers. He said he didn't get any sleep last night, that's why he was stuttering so bad. The Yankees were on and his kid puked on his bed so he couldn't get any sleep. He also revealed that he bought thousands of dollars worth of bedspreads and sheets. Howard doesn't know how he can afford stuff like that. John plays the stock market and he's made out pretty good lately. He's also got a TV commercial running for NYCToGo.com.
Howard and the rest of the guys ended up goofing on Tom Chiusano for a little while. Tom was watching the Paul McCartney interview in the E! production room yesterday making dumb comments and keeping an eye on Paul's water to make sure he didn't run out. Everyone jumped into the discussion and made fun of Tom.
Everyone said that she looks great for her age... whatever that number actually is. Howard said she looks better than her daughter Drew! She was wearing a belly chain and a belly shirt to show it off. Howard said she didn't have a gut and looked great. She said she's been working out lately so she's in great shape.
Howard questioned Jaid about how she reunited with her daughter after all of these years. It sounds like it was a combination of Drew's role in ''Driving in Cars With Boys'' and her husband Tom Green suggesting that they get back together. Jaid even got to go to Drew and Tom's wedding. Howard asked her if she had to ask Drew what she could wear to the wedding so she wouldn't embarrass her daughter. Jaid said the relationship isn't like that. She got to hang out with people like Adam Sandler, Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and a few other celebrities at the wedding. Jaid told Howard she even got Drew's phone number. She told Howard about all of that stuff and then talked about her book. Howard told Jaid that if Drew doesn't like the book, then she shouldn't publish it. Jaid said that Drew has opened her purse strings and has been very nice to her lately. Howard said that she doesn't want to spoil that so if Drew doesn't like that book, she should forget the whole idea. Howard tried to find out how Drew sends money to Jaid but she didn't want to talk about that.
Howard and Artie Lange both complimented Jaid's looks. Artie said her face is really cute and it's better than Drew's. Jaid said it's really not but thanked them for the compliments. Howard said it looked like her breasts were bigger than ever too.
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden who said he wanted to go to the wedding with Jaid. Howard said Chaunce wouldn't be allowed in that wedding because he's not on Drew's ''approved friend list.'' Howard told him he's too wacky for Drew anyway. He must be friends with Jaid or something and that's why he hoped to go to the wedding.
Howard got back to Jaid and asked her if she'd write about the famous guys she's slept with in her life. She claims she slept with Jim Morrison of the Doors so that might be in the book. Howard also mentioned names like Jack Nicholson, Jackson Browne and James Taylor. Stuttering John said he tried to get Jaid himself but that didn't work out.
Howard gave Jaid a few plugs for movie's she's appearing in and gave out a number for her literary agent. She's looking for someone to publish her book so that's why she gave out the number.
Howard asked Johnny what he thinks of this whole situation in Afghanistan. Johnny said he had an idea to help the situation. He said we should make up millions of gallons of liquid LSD and taint the water over there. Then we could just walk in dressed as a Tele-Tubbie and freak them all out as we grab the people we want to grab. Howard told Johnny that wasn't that bad of an idea.
Howard kissed Johnny's ass a bit during the interview. He kept telling him what a great actor he was and how much he loves the movies he's done over the years. He also spoke to Johnny about why he moved out of the country and over to France. Johnny said he was there for a movie shoot and while he was there he fell in love. He now has a baby with the woman he fell in love with and that's where he lives now.
Howard told Johnny it must be great to be such a cool guy because someone like Kate Moss tries to kill herself after they broke up. Johnny said she didn't try to kill herself though. That was just Howard's take on the situation. Howard spent some time on that subject and then asked him if he ever turned down any big movies that he regrets now. Johnny said that he tried to get through the script for ''Titanic'' but he couldn't do it. He said he ''labored through 15 pages'' of the script before giving up on it. That was the only one he mentioned though.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard how ''down to earth'' Johnny is. He said he played a gig at Johnny's club The Viper Room one time and Johnny was there helping to unload their equipment.
Howard kept bringing up how Johnny must be able to get any chick he wants. He tried to find out if Johnny has ever been turned down by any women. Of course he has but Howard didn't believe it. He thinks that no woman would turn him down for any reason.
Howard also asked Johnny if his childhood was messed up. Johnny said it was kind of messed up and his parents were abusive to him once in a while. He said he was born in Kentucky and that got Artie Lange revved up doing his Southern accent as he pretended to be Johnny's parents. He made some funny jokes about that and Johnny just laughed.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and asked Johnny if he's calculated with his choice of tattoos and clothing. Johnny said he does think about his tattoos for years before having them put on. Howard then said that Ralph's questions were really gay and ended up hanging up on him.
A phone caller told Howard that Johnny really is a down-to-earth guy. He told Howard that Johnny hung out with the regular people when he flew over to England one time. Johnny said that isn't a calculated move, he just doesn't feel right taking a private jet. Howard took a few more phone calls for Johnny and started to wrap up the interview. He asked Johnny if he'd seen his movie ''Private Parts'' yet. Johnny said he was kind of bitter at the time it came out because it pretty much killed his movie ''Donnie Brasco'' which came out around the same time. He still hasn't seen it but he told Howard he'd rent it.
A short time after getting off the phone with Johnny Stuttering John came in and said Johnny called back and thanked them for having him on the show. Howard thought that the interview went pretty well.
Howard quickly got to Mike Walker who was on the phone so they could get the game out of the way. Here's how the game works... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard got off the phone with Mike and continued his discussion with Devinn. He brought up the same stuff they talked to her about the last time she was on the show. Her father was a preacher and her gay brother was the one who introduced her to Howard. Devinn kept telling Howard that they already talked about all of that stuff the last time but Howard had forgotten about it. He and Artie ended up doing their Southern accents and goofed on what the father must have said when he found out that Devinn was a porn star. She said that she still goes back to have Thanksgiving dinner at her father's house but she doesn't speak to him anymore. She said they don't talk to each other because they just end up arguing. Devinn said her mother didn't have a problem with what she did but she passed away not that long ago. She said she now has a great relationship with her aunt and uncle who don't judge what she does for a living.
