| Monday | Tuesday |
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| Wednesday | Thursday |
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| Friday | |
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Robin told Howard that she blew a tire out on the way into work this morning and had to leave her car on the side of the road. She was coming in from the Jersey shore so she just left it there and took a car service in instead. Howard didn't understand that and asked why she didn't just have a car service drive her in from the shore instead of driving herself in. Robin said it would take too long because the car service does the speed limit. Howard sounded surprised that she drives in from the Jersey shore on Monday mornings. Robin said she was up at about 2:45 in the morning to get on the road to get there on time.
Howard said he was up late watching The Sopranos. He played an audio clip from the show and had everyone laughing for a short time. He played a second clip and got some more laughs out of everyone. Howard said there was another great scene where Lauren Bacall got punched in the face.
Artie said he had a good time at the auto show. Howard heard from Gary that the people who go to the show are people who can't afford to buy any of the cars so they go there and sit in everything. Gary wanted to go sit in a 3 series BMW but there was a family sitting in the car and just taking their time looking at everything in there. He heard from Ronnie that there was a woman there last year sitting in a car that Ronnie wanted to look at and she sat in it for 30 minutes.
Ronnie came in and said that this year it wasn't that bad because he was just roaming around looking at the cars. Last year there was this lady and her family just sitting in the car he wanted to look at. She was pretending to drive it and acted like she owned the truck. He said it was horrible. This year Ronnie said that he bought a truck off the floor at the show. He wanted to get a GMC Denali and he wanted a special package they had at the show.
Artie was goofing on Ronnie so Ronnie went off on him for blowing him off again on Friday. Ronnie said that Artie said to him last week that he was going to hang out with him but he ended up blowing him off. Artie had a charity event to do with Sal the Stockbroker.
Ronnie wanted to get back to his story so he blew Artie off. He went on and told Howard how he found this Denali on the auto show floor that had a navigation system he wanted to get that's on constraint so he can't get it. The truck on the floor had everything he wanted so his friend took the serial number off it and he'll be calling to get the truck today. It was up on a stand where no one can get in it so it's in pristine condition.
Gary got back to his story about trying to get into the 3 series BMW while Howard and Artie were doing their impressions of the woman who was sitting in the car. Gary said that the African American family was sitting in the car and then a guy came over and took his picture and five seconds after he turned to take the picture, there was an Asian family in the car sitting there. He eventually got in the front seat and checked it out. He wanted to check out the back seat and two black guys got in the front seat. Gary was sitting in the back and the driver seat guy put his seat back without looking behind him and crushed him. He had to let him know that he was sitting there.
Gary said that there were some cool cars there that were really nice and he doesn't understand why people have to take their pictures in a 3 series BMW. He said that it's gotten worse since everyone has a digital camera now.
Howard said he was out one night and a woman came up to him trying to take his picture but he wasn't ready to be photographed so he had to blow her off. Howard didn't want that picture circulating because he knew he looked horrible. If he had said yes to her, she would have taken the picture with her phone camera and Beth would have had to have taken the picture, it would have turned into a huge thing.
Gary said that everyone who was coming up to get an autograph at the auto show had a camera. They'd all ask for pictures to be taken behind the desk so it would double the amount of time they had to spend there. Some of the people have other people take pictures and they don't know how to use the camera so it turns into a whole thing.
Gary said that someone told him that he and Artie looked miserable there at the show. Howard said he knows why that is. He explained how they were going to get paid to make the appearance but when Scott Greenstein found out about that, he asked them to do it for free. They did it for free when they thought they were going to get paid because Scott had asked them to do it without getting paid. Artie said that he gave a price that was so outrageous that he figured no one would say yes to. They came back to him and said they were going to pay it so he was ready to go.
Management at SIRIUS thinks that Gary and Artie were trying to gouge the company but the two of them weren't aware that it was actually SIRIUS that was asking them to make the appearance. They thought it might be the auto show people offering to pay that money. Artie said he wouldn't have a problem doing that appearance for free if he had just known ahead of time that it was going to be free.
Artie had to do another gig that night and Gary saw him as he was leaving and he really did look miserable. He didn't make any money that night because that show was a charity event. He didn't get paid for that or for the car show thing.
Gary said he ended up going to Scores on Friday night. He said he loves that place because Lonnie hooked him up with a special girl and told her that he was the inventor of a bunch of stuff and that he was the President of Uganda.
Howard and Gary were talking about how Robin had gotten up at 2:30 in the morning to head into work and how that took balls since she only got about 2 hours of sleep. Robin said that she doesn't have a problem with that. She talked more about her tire blowing out and how the tire is gone from the wheel because it just disintegrated. She told the emergency services that she doesn't even want the car now that it's blown a tire.
Howard said that all of America should have been standing outside of that jail protesting because all Tommy did was ship a bong across state lines. He didn't do anything that wrong. Howard read that the government forced him to plead guilty because if he didn't, they were going to charge his wife and son with the same thing. Tommy ended up getting a very conservative judge who let him make a statement while he was in court. Howard said that Tommy told the judge that he was hoping to get kids off of drugs by teaching them Salsa dancing because that helped him keep off of drugs for a while. The judge wasn't impressed and things got even worse for him.
Howard said that the book is a quick read but it's very interesting. He ripped out some pages from the book where Tommmy describes something that went on with his wife and another man dancing Salsa together. Tommy felt like she was cheating on him while she was dancing. That's when Tommy knew that he had to learn how to Salsa dance himself. Howard said that as he was reading that part of the book, he was thinking about how he doesn't want Beth dancing with some stranger on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said that he read an article about how the war on drugs is out of hand and it should be stopped. It actually fuels more crime and innocent people are being killed over it. He talked more about how crazy it is that Tommy Chong went to jail for selling a bong. The book drives him nuts and he can't believe that the guy spent time in jail for that.
Sour Shoes called in as Cousin Brucie and then went into another strange voice. Fred requested a song and as Sour Shoes was playing it Howard said he actually sounded good. Howard asked Sour Shoes if he's still living with his parents. Of course he is.
Howard said he gave Sour Shoes his own show there at SIRIUS but it didn't go to well. Bubba the Love Sponge hosted the show and it just didn't work out very well. Sour Shoes said he actually loves living at his parents house, they had Chicken Parmesan last night. He does work a little bit and helps out some friends with their Autistic kids.
Sour Shoes said that he actually graduated from St. John's University but he's still not working. Howard requested a song, Prince's ''Nothing Compares To You'' so Sour Shoes performed that real quick. Robin asked Sour Shoes if he's got a girlfriend. Howard said this guy hasn't experienced any ''vagine'' and they should try to get him laid. No guy standing out on the corner playing songs like this guy does is going to get laid.
Howard wanted to know more about the autistic kids that Sour Shoes watches. Sour Shoes said that the kid he watches gets freaked out if anything is out of place. Howard had Artie request a song after that so he requested ''Live and Let Die'' so Sour Shoes went right into that and performed a bit of that. Artie said it sounded like he had a whole orchestra in there when he did his first song so he asked him what happened. Howard told him to do a song he wanted to do so it would sound more organized. He played one song but Howard didn't like it so he asked him to perform ''Addicted to Love.''
Howard asked Sour Shoes if his parents were asleep as he was doing all of this. Sour just laughed and Howard said ''not anymore...'' Howard asked Sour to perform ''Dream On'' for them. He asked Sour what it's like when he goes to family reunions and he's still the guy standing outside of radio stations playing songs. Sour said it's not that bad and played some more songs. Howard asked for some ''Yellow Brick Road'' and Sour was able to go right into it. Then Robin asked for some Cher and he went right into one of her songs for a few seconds. Then Howard had him do some Doors ''Light My Fire.'' Howard asked him how far he was from his parent's bedroom. He said he's right down the hall from them.
Howard heard that Sour wrote a song with Vinnie Favale so he had him perform that song and then asked for some Green Day. Sour did a few seconds of ''Jesus of Suburbia'' and then took a few more requests from Artie and Howard. Howard wanted to interview Sour's father so Sour went down to try and find him. He got him on the line a short time later so Howard asked him how much of a disappointment he is to him. Sour's dad said he's not a disappointment at all. He said that he'll find something some day and things will work out for him.
Howard asked Sour's dad about what happened after he went to college. Dad said he wouldn't mind if Sour spent the rest of his life there living with them. He said he helps out around the house and pays his dues. Howard asked him about his son not getting laid. The guy said that he's not going to get into that. Howard said he should help his son get a woman but the guy said that he'll find someone sometime.
Gary came in and said that he thought Sour dated one of the interns a while back. Sour said that he just talked to her, he didn't date her. Sour's dad wished Howard luck with the new show and went off to work. Sour said that his father is 63 years old and he's still working.
Howard had to get going but Sour wanted to play a game with Gary. Howard let him play the game and said that if he can stump Gary, he'll give him tickets to the Rain Forest concert that's coming up next month. Gary came in a short time later so Sour went into his crazy deejay voice and then sang some songs. Gary got the first one so Sour went into the next song. Howard knew that one so Sour did a third song that Gary knew. Howard requested a song from him after that and then said he had to wrap up with him. He gave him the tickets even though he didn't really win them. Artie said they should have him outside of the Film Festival playing people in. Howard said he's going to get him set up to come down to the film festival.
Sour Shoes doesn't come down to hang out in front of the building like he used to. Sour has problems with his portable piano so that's why he doesn't come down there. Artie was telling Howard that when they were at the auto show the other night this guy Richie from SIRIUS was playing all of the Baba Booey song parodies as people were coming down to get Gary's autograph. Gary had to ask him to cut them off because he was playing so many of the songs. He got really irritated with the songs so he had to ask him to turn them off. He didn't want to sit there for 2 hours while they played that stuff.
Howard had to take a break but Sour Shoes had more questions and comments. Sour mentioned a softball game that Howard and Fred played in back when they were at WNBC. That got Howard talking about that game and how he hit a double that day. He was calling it an ''in the park double'' so Artie and Gary had to straighten him out on that description. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he had Joey Boots sitting out in the green room. He also had High Pitch Eric out there to drop his load on some guy's back. The guy that Sal is supposed to screw in the eye socket is due in around 8:30 but the company won't allow that to happen there.
Lisa said that they'll also be talking about Gary and Artie's appearance out at the auto show. Lisa said there was one woman there who was crying because she was so happy that she got to meet Gary and Artie. Howard said he was walking down the street the other day and a woman approached him saying that she misses the show but she won't buy the SIRIUS radio. He said that all of the news articles out there are saying that his move to satellite has failed even though they just moved. That led to Howard talking about how successful it is that he's brought over about a third of his audience with him. He said that he'd like to have 50 million listeners but having 4 million is very good.
Howard said he was reading articles about how David Lee Roth is being replaced by Opie and Anthony and how they think that it's a big F-You to Howard Stern when they do that. Howard said that its' going to be really tough for those guys to work for CBS because they can't talk about tons of stuff without getting the delay button hit on them. He thinks that they're going to hate it there. He also doesn't care who replaces him because he's done with terrestrial radio now.
Howard said that he wants to look at the list of people who subscribe to SIRIUS to see all of the radio guys who are tuning in to hear his show. Gary said that he met Opie one time and he told him how much he idolized him as he was growing up. Now they do nothing but bash him. Howard said that CBS hiring those guys to get back at him is wrong. He said that if they like them, then hire them and have them replace him, who cares. He said he just wants to do his show and have a good time. He doesn't understand why CBS wants to get at him and sue him. He didn't do anything to him, he just made tons of money for them.
Howard said he could never do a show on terrestrial radio and then do one on satellite. Gary said that he's going to put a list of people together who have talked about how they were going to kick Howard Stern's ass and ended up failing. Howard told Gary he really doesn't care, it's over for him on terrestrial radio. Anyone who wanted to compete against him had 20 years to do that on regular radio. Howard said his focus now is SIRIUS radio.
Lisa G said that they'll be talking about the Miserable Men Show and how that has been expanded to 3 hours now. Howard said he hasn't heard that show yet but he did hear Victoria Zdrok's sex show and it was very interesting. He said that she really is like a sex expert like she's claimed in the past. Lisa said that there will be a second edition of ''Basic Training'' on tonight. Brent Hatley from Bubba the Love Sponge's show hosts that show. Bubba and the guys are up in New York for the Film Festival this week.
Howard and the guys were talking about the pus shocking machines that Bubba said he was bringing up with him. Howard wondered how he got that past the airline security. The guys spent some time talking about Bubba's show and some of the crazy stuff he does on there. Howard thanked Lisa G for coming in and let her go.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he thinks that Opie and Anthony have already failed with their radio show move to satellite and now they're heading back to terrestrial radio. Howard said that his audience has been incredibly loyal to him and they can't have everyone sign up at once, there's not even enough radios for that to happen. People are still signing up ever day so it's not over yet.
Another caller said that he was working at NBC for the Tonight Show and no one likes Stuttering John over there. He said that John would laugh at stuff that Jay didn't think was that funny so he'd just stare at him. The guy had some ratings information about Rebecca Romijn's show ''Pepper Dennis.'' She had just a 1 rating last week so that got Howard talking about how satellite is going to take off over the next few years and people will be listening more and more. There's something for everyone on SIRIUS and it doesn't just have to be for his show. The caller said that his mother bought SIRIUS and she hates Howard.
The caller asked Howard if he could get into the film festival but Howard doesn't have any tickets to give him. There are a bunch of people who want to come but Howard can't get them in.
The next phone caller told Howard that he's loving the show since it moved to satellite and he loves being able to tune in and hear it in the afternoon when it replays. The guy was also telling Howard that Beth is a beautiful girl but she was heading out on a flight and she looked even better when she wasn't all made up. She was very friendly and a genuine person from what he could tell. Howard said that he's pretty sure that she was menstruating that day too and she could have been in a foul mood that day but the caller said that she was very nice.
Howard said that he's heard that Beth's friends have been trying to rock the boat for them lately and he's wondering who's doing that to them but Beth won't tell him.
Howard had to take another break before bringing in High Pitch Eric to blow his load on some guy. That got Artie talking about how Eric comes across as some happy, dumb... Swindler when you hear stories about him. Howard said they'll hear from him a short time and Joey Boots will also be stopping by. They went to break a short time later.
Eric is in to drop a load on a guy's chest so the guy can win tickets to the Film Festival. The guy came in a few seconds later and looked pretty normal to Howard. The guy, George, said that he's had a girlfriend for a couple of years and he broke the news to her this weekend that he was going to have Eric shoot a load on him. He said that she started to cry when he told her about it. Howard said he was told that they can't let Eric actually finish on the guy but no one believes that he can actually do it anyway.
Eric told Howard that the cameras kind of freak him out so he may not be able to perform. Howard told him to give it a try. George asked for a towel to cover his face just in case something happens. Howard said they all know that Eric is going to let them down and not be able to perform. Eric pulled down his pants and then pulled out his penis to try and get the job done. George was laying on the floor while Eric started to pull his pud. Eric showed the guys that he was getting aroused and said that he wasn't embarrassed at all.
George wasn't making any eye contact. Eric said that he was thinking about KFC to get off. Richard brought in some pictures of some gay porn stars having sex to help Eric out but that didn't help. Gary said it looked like Eric was pulling on a garden hose in a pile of weeds. Eric wanted a picture of KC or of Jimmy Kimmel to help him out. He said he watches Jimmy on TV so that's why it might help him out. Howard said that this is the funniest thing he's ever seen.
Eric pulled up his shirt and shocked everyone with his fat belly. They all let out an ''OHhhhhh!'' when the saw his pregnant belly. George said he could see Eric's huge tits under his shirt. Eric told him he has to deal with that. Howard asked George to talk dirty to Eric so he did a little bit calling him a fat load. Eric responded to him and asked him if he wanted him to shoot his load on his chest.
Gary said that Eric was still using his thumb and forefinger to get himself off but it wasn't doing anything. Eric said he was getting aroused though. Richard came back in with a picture of KC so Eric took it and tried to get aroused. It wasn't working so Howard was about to give up. Eric spoke to the picture and asked him help him. He was saying ''C'mon KC, help me!'' Nothing was working. Howard told Eric to look at Robin to try and get aroused. That didn't work either.
Gary wondered why he wasn't hearing names like Carmen Electra and Jenny McCarthy instead of Jimmy Kimmel and KC Armstrong's names. Eric said that he has jerked off to Jimmy Kimmel's image before and he imagined him tickling his balls... but that wasn't gay. Howard had Eric turn around to see his giant ass. He said he wanted to stick a tail on his ass after seeing that.
Mariann from Brooklyn tried to help out by talking to Eric about food but that didn't work either. Howard said that it looks like he doesn't even have a penis because it's so small. Howard told George that they were going to have Eric sit on his face. George didn't want that so Howard gave him tickets anyway. He did come in and actually laid underneath Eric like he was ready to do it so he deserved the tickets.
Howard took a call from this guy Joel from JSM Music who said that he hired some Wack Packers back in January to do a party. Eric showed up and broke his couch and hocked him for $1,500 so he actually gave in and loaned him the money. He claims that Eric said he was going to pay him back but he hasn't been working much lately because he makes appearances with Beetlejuice and Beet hasn't been making many appearances. Joel said that Eric is a fat piece of shit and he owes him the money. He said he doesn't answer his e-mails, phone calls or any other way of contacting him. Eric said that he will pay the guy back but Howard and Gary know that he'll never pay him back.
Eric said that he would pay this guy $100 every time he makes an appearance. The guy knows that he won't pay him back. Sal came in the studio with a fish so Eric ended up running out of the studio because he's afraid of fish. Howard didn't seem to care and didn't bother having him come back in.
Joey said that he learned how to be honest with himself and he felt guilty about a lot of his past. He learned how to control his anger but he knows he will always have that in his life. Howard said he can picture Joey getting thin again now that he's off the booze and drugs. Joey said he has a whole support team now that he can call when he feels that he's in trouble. He's clean now and he's been clean for 64 days already.
Joey said that he's starting to unpack his stuff at his apartment that he moved into back in October. He feels a lot more at peace with himself and he's just feeling much better over all. It was the best decision he ever made in his life. Howard asked him if there were chicks at the rehab center. He said there were a few hot little heroin addicts down there in rehab. He wasn't interested in sex at the time because he was getting off the drugs.
Joey said that he's been told not to get into any serious relationships in the first year after rehab. Howard said he's heard that but no one listens to that. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Joey if he's wearing a skirt today because he sounds like a little girl talking about his feelings. Joey wondered what the guy expects from him, he just went out and did what he had to. The caller said he has a problem with Joey and doesn't want to hear him on the air. Howard said he wanted to hear how he's doing now. Joey told him to shoot him an e-mail at JoeyBoots@aol.com if he wants to discuss something with him.
Another caller said that he saw Joey at the rally back in December and he was a mess. He's glad that he's getting better now. Joey was saying that there are some people he can't hang out with anymore. He said he can't hang out with Rev. Bob Levy anymore because there's a lot of drinking going on there. He said that he's going to go to the after party at the film festival but when he feels uncomfortable he'll just leave.
Joey said that he can't even hang out with Shuli anymore because he likes to smoke and stuff. He's not ratting him out or anything, he's a well known pot head, but he can't be around him because of that. Howard asked him if he hangs with High Pitch. Joey said he has no plans to hang out with him but he would go to the Chinese Buffet if he wants to, but he's not going to hang out with him otherwise.
Joey thanked Howard for helping him get into rehab. Howard told him he sounded great on Superfan Roundtable recently. Howard wondered if anyone thinks that Joey will relapse. Robin said she thinks that he'll relapse on the 27th at the after party. Fred said he will last about 3 months. Artie said that he thinks that Joey will be packing a bong with Shuli outside of the after party. Sal came in with a Heineken and offered it to Joey. Joey told him to get it out of there.
Shuli came in and said that he and Joey used to get baked together. He told a story about how Joey passed out while he was interviewing him for Howard 100 News one time. Joey said that he would cough so much that he would just pass out sometimes. Shuli said that he doesn't think that Joey will relapse and he's sounding great these days.
Artie asked Boots what he thinks is his biggest problem, weed or booze. Joey said that it's the booze. Artie can relate because he was a coke addict and got into the booze after that. Joey said he's going to be doing other things to keep his mind off of the booze and drugs. He also said that Bubba is hooking him up with a chick on Saturday night. He said that he'll be doing it with I Heart NY from SFN. He hasn't gotten laid in well over a year so this will be great for him. Howard told him he'd be a good looking dude if he lost 100 pounds. Sal and Shuli were cheering with their beer bottles as they were talking about that stuff.
Howard started to wrap up with Joey and said he believes that he can make it through with this sobriety and asked if there was anything they could do for him. Joey asked for them to hire him because he could do some great stuff for them. Rev. Bob Levy called in and said that he'll see him back in a week or so. He said he wishes Joey luck with his sobriety and when he's ready to get fucked up again, he'll be there.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who thought it was wrong for Sal to bring in the beer for Boots like that. Another guy said that Joey might have to be kicked out of the Wack Pack now that he's sober. Joey said he was never in the Wack Pack. Zolar called in next so Joey said he can't hang out with him either because he likes to smoke weed. Zolar thinks he'll have Joey smoking on Thursday night. Joey said that his life has changed for the positive and he doesn't want to give any of that up.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Joey to find a nice woman who can take care of him and then he'll be all set. Sal and Shuli were clanking their bottles every couple of minutes toasting anything that came up during the conversation.
Joey said that part of the reason he was drinking so much is because he wasn't getting hired up there at Howard's show while people like Richard, Sal and Shuli were all getting jobs. Howard had Dr. Armstrong on the phone so he spoke to her about how she helped get Joey into rehab. Dr. Armstrong said that she's very proud of Joey for coming out of this whole thing the way he has. She said that he's made quite a transformation since then. She thinks that he will make it through this whole thing even though there is a high relapse rate with people who go through rehab. She thinks that he will be the 3 percent of people who make it through without going back. Joey thanked Dr. Armstrong for her help, he really appreciates it.
Robin suggested that Joey go out and become a Barista for Starbucks. Joey said that's not what he wants to hear from them. He wants a job there. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Jeff the Drunk left a message for Gary where he complained about Artie's comments about his mother. He demanded that Artie not mention her on the show again because she's in the hospital and he doesn't need that crap. He also said that he didn't want that played on the air but they did call and ask him if they could play it and he gave them the okay.
Howard brought up the Tyra Banks show and how great it is with the whacked out stories they do on there. They once did a show where Tyra talked about being afraid of Dolphins. Today Howard had a clip where Tyra helps a woman out with her fear of garden gnomes. He played that clip where the woman talked about her fear of the garden gnomes that is so bad that she's afraid that they're going to crawl out of the TV and get her. She said she's been teased about it for a long time so Howard wondered how anyone would even know about it. The woman talks about how she shakes and cries when she sees the gnomes. Her family has taken gnomes and put them in her shower and chased her around with them.
Howard said that if they took some money and put it in a fish, High Pitch Eric would get over his fear of fish and take that money right out of there. Gary said that Eric was already gone but they were going to try and find him. Meanwhile, Howard played another clip from Tyra's show where a woman spoke of her fear of ovens. She was saying that she stays away from the ovens as much as possible. She said she's not sure why she's afraid of them but there was a TV show when she was a kid where she watched a Nickelodeon show where some kids were attacked by an oven.
Richard stuck the fish in his mouth and we could hear the crunching sound from the bones crushing. Richard then made some strange sounds as he was spitting it out. He took the money from Howard and thanked him for that. He was ready to bite the tail off the fish too but Howard wasn't interested in seeing that.
Artie said that he'd give $50 to any guy who would kiss Richard on the lips after that. Sal said that he would do it for $100. Artie checked to see if he had the $100 but that didn't happen.
Shuli called in and said that High Pitch Eric ran off after Irish John told him what they wanted to do with him. Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk a short time later. He said he was angry with Artie about the way he was talking about his mother because she's in the hospital. Artie asked her if she's all constipated from the cheese he feeds her. Jeff didn't like that joke. He said that she fell so he had to call 911 and have her taken to the hospital.
Jeff was telling Howard that he needs the money from the last time he was there to make it down on Thursday for the film festival. Howard told him that they mail the prize money to him and if he can't make it, he can't make it. It's not a bit deal. Jeff got in a plug for the tux place that hooked him up with his formal wear for the Film Festival.
Howard gave the guys some advice and suggested that they define themselves and not make it all about him. They're sitting in David Lee Roth's chair right now, not Howard Stern's. He said that the more those guys, and all of the other radio guys out there, talk about him, the more it reminds people that they're on SIRIUS.
Howard said that this lawsuit with CBS is really dragging him down. They're still defining themselves through him and using his ''Join the Revolution'' slogan for their Free FM stations.
Nick said that he lost his eye when he was a kid and some fireworks got him in the eye. He was knocked out cold when a mortar went off in his face. He said it exploded right in his face and peeled the skin back on his face. He was about 19 at the time. Artie said that he went through that fireworks stage when he was a kid. Howard said he was doing that stuff too when he was around that age.
Nick said that they gave him the choice to keep the eye and possibly lose vision in the other eye. He actually lost his vision in the other eye for a few weeks but it eventually came back. His depth perception is a little bit off now but he's gotten used to it.
Gary came in and said that this guy is supposed to get married in 2007 and he wanted to get Artie to come to his wedding and perform stand-up. Nick said he was ready to pay $10-15,000 but he was told that it would cost him about $30,000 for them to even go to Artie with that. Nick said it never got to Artie. Howard ended up going off on Gary for bringing that story up because it went nowhere. Gary didn't know why Howard was concentrating on that little thing when it was really nothing.
Nick said that he would be willing to pour a cup of water in the eye socket instead of having Sal fuck him. Sal was ready to go so Richard offered to let them do it up in his apartment. He only lives a few minutes away. Sal said he was ready to go get ''cockeyed''... and that this guy was a real ''dick head.'' He said he was ready to help out a fan to get tickets so he's ready to go.
Howard told the guys to head up to Richard's apartment to make it happen. Howard thinks it's gay but Sal is willing to do anything to help out a fan who wants tickets for the film festival. Nick said that he's not sure Sal will be able to get his dick in there very far because it's not that big of a space. He figures he'll just get the head in there.
Artie said that he's seen guys take their eyes out before so it's not that big of a deal to him. Howard heard that Sal was out in the hall yelling at him for offering up his apartment to do this. Sal and Richard came in and continued their argument because Sal was upset that he would do it on the air there, he doesn't want to go to Richard's apartment to do it. He doesn't need Richard pushing him into it if they could do it there. He said he wouldn't even go to Richard's apartment for any reason, especially not to do this skull f'ing.
Gary said that all of this doesn't make sense to him. Sal eventually said he would go there and do it. Nick popped his eye out a minute later and the hole was pretty small. He needed a glass of water to wet it before putting it back in. Howard said he didn't care about Sal f'ing his eye socket anymore so he told the guys to just give him the tickets.
Nick's brother Brian called in and asked if his brother was actually going to do this, he couldn't believe it. He called him a ''faggot bastard.'' Artie told him that he'd do the stand-up at his wedding for $15,000. Howard said they'll see this guy at the film festival on Thursday night.
Howard said he wished that they would just go over to Richard's apartment and do this. Gary said that Sal was yelling at them for pushing him into it. Sal said he wasn't yelling at them, he was just upset that they were pushing him after SIRIUS said that they didn't want them doing it. Sal isn't proud that he's going to do something like this when he's got 3 kids at home. Sal said he's still willing to do it so Howard told him to go over to Richard's apartment and get it done.
A caller told Howard that Bubba was talking to a doctor the other night and they were saying that this could kill the guy if the dick pushes too far into the guy's head. He could actually hit the guy's brain and kill him. Howard said he was going to put an end to the whole thing. Gary said that's a good thing because Sal was freaking out and talking about how his life is over if he does it.
Howard heard that Robin had invited Richard to her party that Sal isn't invited to. Robin said that's the case and also admitted that she had e-mailed Sal to find out what Richard's e-mail address was.
Gary came in and said that Sal was still out there complaining about how they were pushing him into doing this whole skull f'ing thing. He volunteered for it though. Gary told him that if he didn't want to do it then he shouldn't do it. Sal said he had to do it though because he's not a quitter.
Richard came in and said that he got the invite from Robin and then had to ask her if he could bring his mentally challenged friend with him because he was going to be staying with him that weekend. The guy is about 40 years old and he figures he can keep him busy with a beach ball. It turns out Richard was just jerking her around, he wasn't going to bring anyone.
Howard had his friend Dr. Lew Weinstein on the phone to talk about this skull f'ing thing. He wanted to know if Sal could kill the guy by screwing the eye socket. Lew said that it really shouldn't be a problem because Sal won't have much space to work in. Lew said that the guy may stop breathing because Sal will be so close to him. Lew said that he may want to avoid doing this for legal reasons, not for health reasons. Howard asked if he could get an STD by f'ing an eye socket. He said that things like that could happen. Artie said he might be able to get Pink Cock from f'ing the eye. Howard thanked Dr. Lew and let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from another Doctor who said that the guy could be in trouble because the bone directly behind the eye is only 3mm thick.
A guy called in and said that he didn't get his tickets yet and he's worried that he won't have them in time for the film festival. The guy wondered if he was going to be able to get into the festival if he didn't have the tickets. Howard didn't know so he put him on hold and said that they'd have Doug check on those tickets for him.
Jon Hein also came in and mentioned the stuff they were going to cover on The Wrap Up Show today. He went through some of the crazier things that went on during the show this morning... and there were quite a few. Howard thanked those two for their updates and let them go.
Doug said that they will be judging the films that Howard and the crew entered and the people judging those will be Todd Phillips, Richard Roeper, Richard Belzer, Bubba the Love Sponge and Sam Simon. Then they will show the fan entries and they will be judged by Howard, Robin, Belzer, Roeper and Todd Phillips.
Doug also said that Howard will have a schedule for everyone, hopefully tomorrow, so everyone will know what's going on that night. He asked Robin how her movie was doing because he heard that it was a disaster. Robin said that it is slow going and it will be ready for Thursday... but it may not be done until Thursday.
Howard let Doug go and said that Fred and Robin will hopefully have their film done. Fred is confident that they will have it ready. A caller asked if they will be covering all of this live on Howard 100. Doug came back and told the guys that they will have live coverage from the red carpet and from the After Party.
Gary came in and said that Sal is still out screaming about how he can't win. He's all upset that the f'ing thing went so wrong and how he just can't win when it comes to that stuff. Jon Hein came in and said that he was talking to Sal about coming on The Wrap Up Show and he was going off about how everyone is piling on top of him about this whole thing. Howard heard that Sal is now MIA and no one can find him. Gary said that Sal has locked himself in the bathroom.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that Sal is locked in the bathroom and yelling at them to get the cameras away from him. Doug said that Sal is about to cry so they need to get him in there. It may have something to do with the 2 beers he drank earlier in the morning. Artie said that Sal has told him that he can't handle the booze. Shuli said he actually had 3 beers this morning, that's probably what drove him crazy today.
Mike Gange tried to get Sal to come out of the bathroom. When Howard told him to say that he had to come out of there, he came right out. He didn't want to be bothered anymore and didn't want to talk more about this stuff. Sal came back in the studio and asked why they couldn't just drop it. Howard said that no one said that Sal had backed out but Sal said that's all they were saying about him. Sal said he was willing to fuck a guy in the eye but when he didn't do it because they couldn't do it there, he wanted to drop it.
Gary said that Sal is the one who keeps talking about it. Richard came in and said that if he was the one who ran in and said he'd do it, he'd be at his apartment skull fucking that guy right now. Sal said that he was still willing to do it, he never said no to it. He was also pissed about the comments that Jon Hein made about him.
Howard told Sal that he's crazy and no one cares about this stuff. He told him that he sounds cuckoo talking about this stuff. Sal said he just wanted to be left alone, he said yes to this whole skull f'ing thing. Howard explained to him why Fred was playing the ''Sal's a Homo'' song because f'ing a guy in the skull is gay to them. He kicked everyone out of the studio because Sal wasn't listening to him.
Richard caught some audio of Sal going nuts back in the office and sent it to Howard to play. Sal was screaming about the way people manipulate him. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard saw that Ronnie had signed one of his autographed pictures ''Your Pal Ronnie TLD'' so he started to goof on him for that. Ronnie came in and said he signed just one picture like that, and it was for Jason who took the picture. Howard said that people are very touchy around there because Ronnie was going nuts on him yelling at him for bringing that up.
Howard took a call from a deejay who just got fired from a station in Phoenix, Arizona. He let him tell his story but he thought there might be something missing from his story because he didn't do anything wrong. The guy, Scott, said that he was doing really good in some other markets but this station didn't give him more than 3 and a half months to get the ratings up there. Howard told the guy that there's a way to handle management and maybe this guy just wasn't handling it right. The guy said that he wasn't that outrageous there on the air. He wasn't trying to get away with anything, he's not even sure why he got fired. Howard told the guy he's look into it further to find out what's going on. He's sure he'll figure it out.
The caller told Howard about how the first time went down. He said that they invited this guy over as if he was going to give his wife a massage. He had his wife blindfolded. He sat and watched as the guy did her. He said the guy climbed on his wife's back and rubbed her down and teased her with his ''schwantz.'' The guy didn't do her the first time but he came back a second time and then did her.
The guy finished on his wife on her back the first time he finished. He did wear a rubber according to the guy. The caller said he didn't get jealous either. The caller said he got involved with the second guy they had over for one of these sessions. He said that he gets off on watching his wife moving and making sounds and stuff. Howard ended up giving him a pair of tickets to the Rain Forest concert that's coming up next month. He also told the guy that he may be a little gay if he gets off on something like that. The caller said that he's not gay, he's just trying to spice things up a little bit. He said that they've also discussed having a woman over for him to mess around with.
Howard said that he was stumped by this whole thing. He didn't understand what it was all about even after the guy described it all to him. Rev. Bob Levy called in with a question for the guy. Bob asked if he's ever pulled down his panties and gotten banged up the ass. The caller didn't think that was so funny so Bob told him to go fuck himself. Artie said that this was just insanity to him. Howard let the caller go and had Robin get back to her news.
Howard took a call from Double A who was complaining that he didn't get his tickets for the film festival yet. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he heard from Double A on Friday and he had received a ticket. Double A was looking for a second ticket but Doug said they were holding them for other Wack Pack members. Howard also informed Double A that Beth will not be there at the Film Festival because she's going to be working that night. Double A was bummed because he was looking forward to seeing her.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about his appearance on Bubba the Love Sponge's show for about 2 hours yesterday. He said he called in and Artie heard him so he listened while they were shocking Ross Zapin's balls on the air. Ross apparent volunteered to come in and get shocked. Howard said he was talking to Bubba about shocking the puss and about Hogan and other things. Bubba is bringing a girl to the Film Festival but no one knows who the girl is.
Howard said Bubba was telling him that Hulk Hogan may be getting a divorce so they talked about that on Bubba's show as well. Robin said that she heard Bubba talking to Hogan recently and was talking about bashing someone's head in if they kept talking about his daughter the way they were. Howard said that Bubba will be in on Thursday so they'll talk to him about that then. He was saying that Bubba should stop telling Hogan what he has to say about his daughter because he really has no idea. Howard knows better than to touch Hogan's daughter because he know he'd snap his neck if he did.
Howard said that Ferrall showed up at Bubba's show so they told him that he needed to get his balls shocked. They ended up shocking him on his arm and then a short time later they had him in his underpants. Then they shoved the shocker down his pants and into his asshole where they shocked him. Howard said that he doesn't get the shocking thing but Robin said that they love it over on that show.
Howard said he had a good time with those guys while he was on the phone. He felt like he was on for at least an hour and a half.
Howard said he's really looking forward to the festival. Doug said he is too... if he makes it. Howard said that Beth is mad at him for booking the date when she's out of town. Doug said that things have gotten crazy at the last minute and he doesn't want to talk about it on the air. They could cause problems. Doug said that some people are asking for more tickets and he just can't do it. Howard said that they should have gotten a bigger theater. Doug said that the theater holds about 600 people though.
Howard read the list of movies that are in the final 9 movies for the film festival. He read each title and gave a quick synopsis of what each one was about. Some of them sounded pretty out there. He thought that some of them sounded pretty crazy but didn't read the whole list. Doug said they'll also have a quick paced montage of the films that didn't make it into the festival.
Howard said that Scott Greenstein was telling him that they should take the film festival on the road to other cities. Doug said they could explore that but the films are going to be on Howard TV On Demand on Friday. Artie thinks that the 600 people should make for a good energy in the room that night.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should bring the festival to Los Angeles next year. Howard said that would be cool because they could have a lot of celebrities there. Robin said that they're going to be covering the festival on Howard 100 but Howard wanted to know exactly what they were going to be covering. He heard that the Superfan Roundtable will be broadcasting from the after party.
Jason came in and told Howard that the Howard 100 News will be covering the red carpet. They'll also be doing the Superfan Roundtable after the festival. Jon Hein came in and said that he'll be covering the red carpet for Howard TV. Jason said they'll be doing the Superfan Roundtable from 10 to 11 that night on Howard 101.
In the first Crazy Alice message, she goes off on Jessica Hahn for some strange reason. In the second one she goes off on Robin and calls her some names telling Sal not to bother with her party. She mentioned a lot of little details about the show that not everyone would know. Gary said that you'd have to listen to every minute of the show to know what she was talking about. The guys like the way she goes from being really mean to being really nice. She flip flops back and forth from hating someone on the show to loving someone else. Artie said he had an uncle that was like that going from hateful to concerned in a split second.
Howard took another phone call from a woman who said that she works out in the Hamptons and she's seen Howard out there and he's a very nice person from what she can tell. She mentioned the name of a town out there that Howard had never heard of so that led to him talking about this football player D'Brickishaw Ferguson and how his parents were trying to name him after a character in a book but they didn't get it right. The name was D'Brickisart and they didn't bother getting it right.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when Dice is coming back in. Howard said that Jenny McCarthy is coming in today and they have Ed Torian the lie detector guy is going to be giving her a lie detector test. Howard said that on his sheet of paper it just says ''coming soon'' but Benjy said that Dice will be in tomorrow according to his schedule.
Howard played a new prank call they made using Dice audio clips so he played that for the guy who called in. They called a house and had Dice saying things from his comedy act that got the people pissed off. The guy who answered the phone thought that he was talking to a Mexican guy. No one was sure how the guy made that mistake though.
Howard said that Chris was telling him how much he liked being there at SIRIUS and how he'd like to do stuff there since he can't do it on the air at CBS. Howard told him to just create bits and send them there if he can't get them on the air. He said they had a good laugh about that.
Howard said he wouldn't want to deal with terrestrial radio again. He's wishing Opie and Anthony luck going back there after being on satellite for a couple of years. He said it's going to be tough to do a show the way they're going to do it. He's also wondering if CBS is going to be suing them if things don't work out for them.
Robin mentioned that David Lee Roth is going to be getting a lawyer because CBS may not be paying him for the contract they had with him. Howard said that CBS made a laughing stock out of Roth and ruined him. They handled things so poorly that they made a fool out of the guy. Howard said they've ruined the guy's life and now they're going to make him fight for his money. He said he just wants to be done with those assholes at CBS but they won't let him go.
Howard said that his advice for anyone who replaces him is not to make it about him, they should get their own thing going. He said that anyone who talks about him is only reminding other people that he's on SIRIUS so go ahead and mention him. He said that if everyone was so happy about being on terrestrial radio, they wouldn't be bashing him for being on satellite. He just doesn't care about Les Moonves, Joel Hollander or anyone else. He said he hopes they die in a plane crash or something.
Howard played an audio clip of a news report about Clear Channel firing him. One guy said that they let Howard go after they found that his show wasn't ''serving the public'' the way they thought it could. Howard said that they don't mention that they didn't pay him after they fired him even though he had a contract with them.
Howard went on to read the article that says Maurey was cheating on his wife with one of his show producers. There's also a woman suing Maurey over the way she's been treated on the set of his show. She's the one making the claims that Maurey is cheating.
Howard changed his mind after reading the article, he didn't know that this woman was making these claims in her lawsuit. He said it sucks when that stuff is on the front page of the paper. It could turn out to be a fake story but now it's all over the cover of the newspapers. Artie said he saw Connie in the paper and she definitely looks like she hit the wall a little bit.
Artie was wondering who is watching Connie's TV show. Howard said that Richard Christy watches stuff like that. He said he watches some show on cable and it's really awful but it's great because it's so awful. He said that the host actually screens the calls while she's on the air. She'll pick up the phone, ask the person what they want to talk to her about and then puts them on hold. He played an audio clip from that show where Richard called in to ask a question. Richard told the women that he was sitting there jacking off to them. Howard said that you have to see the two broads because they're nothing to jack off to.
Howard said that he saw a clip from The Price is Right and one of the models got out of a car and you could see her whole beaver as she got out. She was a just a little bit shaved from what he could see. He said she wasn't wearing panties in the clip and he figures that clip should make it on the web.
Gary said that they know this guy Greg who worked for the Miss America pageant and called him one time and told him that one of the girls had lost her gown so they got to see her titties and all. Howard said that's something his girlfriend would have to worry about because she wears gowns that could drop off like that. Howard mentioned that Beth took her dancing lesson yesterday so they'll have to talk to her about that later on.
A caller told Howard that he's seen ads for XM radios lately where they're giving them away with the purchase of golf balls these days. Howard said that they're kind of desperate now because they're losing NASCAR and now Opie and Anthony are going to be on free radio so people will probably start dropping like flies. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa said that Jessica Hahn has made history on the SternFanNetwork where she has a thread with over 18,000 posts. There will also be a story about Robin's party in the news. She mentioned a few other things like Victoria Zdrok's ''Sex Connection'' show that will be airing after Howard 100 News tonight at 7.
Beth said that she's not sure she could be away from Howard and Bianca (their dog) for that period of time. Howard said that the dog might die if Beth is gone that long. Robin said that the dog could fly out there to visit Beth in Los Angeles.
Artie said that he used to shoot the Norm Show during the week and then he'd fly home for the weekend and it was feasible to do something like that. Beth might need to work on her dance moves over the weekends but she's not sure. Howard told Gary to get Lisa Rinna on the phone to ask her what kind of schedule she had. Gary didn't have her number so Howard told him to set that up for tomorrow.
Howard said that he and Beth used to goof on the people who were dancing on those shows but now she realizes how much work it takes and they have a new respect for them. Howard asked Beth about her dance instructor and how that went. The dance instructor was a woman and she would show Beth how to do the steps and checked to see if she could pull it off. Beth said that she was slow dancing with this woman who was about 4' 5'' tall so it was pretty funny.
Beth said that she felt really sexy while she was dancing and she may continue to take the lessons even if she doesn't do the Dancing with the Stars thing. She said that the instructor told her that she caught on quickly and she has the ability to take on that challenge. She said she doesn't remember all of the steps though. Howard and Robin told her that she'll be repeating that stuff so much that she'd be able to get it.
Howard told a story that he told yesterday about Tommy Chong that he read in his book ''The I Chong : Meditations from the Joint'' about how jealous he got when he saw his wife dancing with another man. He decided to take dancing lessons after that because he felt that his wife was fucking the other guy while he was watching.
Artie told Beth that she could fly back to New York on weekends no problem. Howard asked Artie why he was encouraging that. Beth said that they could also move Howard's show out to Los Angeles for a couple of weeks. Howard said that might not work because he has a 13 year old daughter that he wants to see. She said that he could bring her out to L.A. Howard said she could quit school...
Robin told Beth that she would watch the show every week if Beth was on. Howard said that if they moved that show out to New York, there would be no problem. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard that she couldn't leave her family behind to go to Las Vegas so Beth shouldn't leave Howard and Bianca behind. She doesn't want Beth to do the show. Howard took another call from a guy who wasn't making a lot of sense so he was hung up on. Beth said she knows that the offers she's getting are because of Howard. Robin said it's not just because of Howard though, she's getting the offers because of who she is.
Beth said that she would like to talk to someone who had to go from New York to L.A. during the shooting of that show. She was also saying that people are saying that she's going to be the Stacy Keibler of the new season if she does the show.
Howard took another call from a guy who thinks that Howard should do a Dancing with the Stars where Howard punches her in the head so she sees stars. Beth had to get going after that because she has a job to go to. Gary came in and said that there are a bunch of bets on YouWager.com about whether or no Beth will do the show and if she will win or not. He read some of the bets and tried to figure out what they meant. He also mentioned that Jenny McCarthy was there waiting to come in so Howard said he had to take a break before bringing her in.
Howard told Jenny that she's got great tits as soon as she walked in. She was showing off to Howard and complained that the last time she was on, Gary had poured water on her pants so it looked like she made a mess in there. Howard said he remembers it being him tickling her and her getting wet, there was no water involved.
Howard wanted to talk to Jenny about what Jenna Jameson said on the show a couple of months ago. Howard had the audio from Jenna's appearance and he was going to play it but Jenny was talking about how she had cheated on her husband with a bunch of women so Howard talked to her about that a little bit. While they were talking about that they ended up talking about how Denise Richards has been seen making out with Richie Sambora and Howard pointed out that Denise was Heather Locklear's best friend so that's kind of a scumbag move.
Howard played the audio from Jenna's appearance back on February 1, 2006 where she talked about Jenny going down on her in a bathroom one time. After playing the clips he asked Jenny what was true and what wasn't. Jenny said that they did make out but there was no grabbing of boobs and butts like Jenna was saying in the clip. Jenny wasn't sure why Jenna would say that stuff.
Howard played more of the audio where Jenna talks about going into the bathroom with Jenny. Jenny said that the story was almost true... She said that they went into the bathroom together that time and security kicked everyone out. They went into a stall so Jenny watched Jenna pee. She said that was really hot because Jenna was making naughty faces as she was peeing. They made out a little more after peeing and they were against the wall. She said that if someone had made a video, it would have been the hottest thing out there. Howard was ready to shoot that video and sell it for them. He said he'd even finish off on their backs as they did it.
Jenny said that there was no touching of breasts and no reaching around like Jenna said there was. She also said that she never went down on Jenna like she claimed. She swore that she was telling the truth but Fred didn't believe her and Howard didn't believe her. Jenny said that both of Jenna's security guards were in the bathroom with them so that's one of the reasons she didn't go all the way with her. Howard asked her why she didn't send them out then. She said they were all fucked up from drinking so they weren't thinking. Jenny said she didn't even know why the security guys were kicking people out for them because she was so messed up.
Jenny told Howard that she and Jenna exchanged numbers after the make out session. She said she bought about 30 of Jenna's videos after that and got turned on by all of those. She said that they called each other and met up in Vegas at an appearance that they made. Jenna and her friends all came over and met up with her friends so they were all making out there. One of Jenny's friends started to rub Jenna and fingered her while they were in this booth. Jenny claims she just watched as this was going on, she didn't do anything. She said her friend had her fingers in Jenna for quite some time.
Jason came in and told Howard that Jenna tells that story a little differently. Howard played the audio from that part of the interview and Jenna claims that it was Jenny who was using her fingers on her. Howard said he thinks that the two of them got their stories mixed up. Jenny said that it was really her girlfriend who fingered Jenna, not her. Jenny said that she asked Jenna to go upstairs and take a bath with her but Jenna had to leave and never went up. Jenny said that Jenna kind of turned her down.
Howard said that Jenny talks about making doody and stuff in her book ''Life Laughs : The Naked Truth about Motherhood, Marriage, and Moving On'' and that's just not right. She should think about who she is before writing stuff like that. Jenny said that she had diarrhea at a book signing she did one time but Howard told her that guys don't want to read about that stuff.
Jenny also wrote about having a dingle berry on her ass one time when she had a guy go down on her. Howard said that probably wouldn't slow him down with her because she's so hot. He told her to go get on the lie detector so they could get that done.
Ed Torian the lie detector guy was there to hook her up and test her. They had to have her take her blouse off and Jenny thought that he was just some perv. Howard gave her a plug for her book while Ed was hooking her up to the polygraph. Howard watched as she was getting hooked up. He gave her a plug for a book signing she's doing at the Borders Books in Columbus Circle tomorrow.
Ed said he remembers Jenny from MTV and he's a big fan. Howard told Jenny not to hesitate with her answers and to give a yes or no answer. Jenny was already nervous just from being hooked up to the machine. Howard asked her when she was with a woman last. She said it was probably that night with Jenna, nothing since then. She's had a couple of guys though.
Howard asked Jenny the questions he had so here are some of them and her answers...
Jenny told Ed that he was just as weird as she thought he was going to be. Gary told Howard that Ed had just cut them a new song so he had him play that. Howard played the song which was a remake of ''My Niggas.'' He only played a few seconds of that because he was distracted by Ed asking Jenny to sign his polygraph paper. Howard wrapped up with Jenny and asked that she not wear any panties at her book signing. Benjy got to feel her up as she was getting ready to leave.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jenny should be on more often. Howard said he knows that and he'd like to have her in more often but it's tough to get her in there. He said he needs for her career to tank more so she'll have to come in more. Artie said that they didn't even get her on the Sybian. Howard told Gary to get in touch with her and have her come back up because he has 5 more questions and that they want her to ride the Sybian.
Howard had Fred get back to the commercials and hoped that Gary would get Jenny back in there so he could get in those questions he had.
Howard said he's loving the whole thing and Sam Simon has written a sitcom for them and it's really funny. He said they're going to do a radio sitcom for everyone and then maybe animate it. The show is called ''Desperate Howard Wives.'' They have so much going on there that it's just nuts. Tim Sabean came in and said that the sitcom will air on Howard 101 when it's ready. Tim also asked Howard if he will have the time to meet with Sam Simon when he comes in. Howard said he loves the script and he's not going to throw it out like he would do with someone else's stuff.
Gary came in and said that he did speak to Jenny McCarthy but she was getting into an elevator so he lost the signal. He's been trying to call her back and may just put her through in a couple of minutes.
Howard said that he's never seen a movie like hers and he didn't like it. He didn't know that she was going to move to Utah because of that though.
Howard read an article about Opie and Anthony where they talk about how they can talk to Howard's listeners but he can't talk to theirs or some nonsense like that. Howard isn't sure why they care. They're not competing with him on terrestrial radio now. That led to the guys talking about how XM must be getting ready to play a ton of commercials now that they're guys are going to be broadcasting on terrestrial radio. Howard said he really doesn't care now. It could have been any of a bunch of guys who work for that company that could have come in and replaced David Lee Roth, but he doesn't care anymore.
Howard doesn't understand why Joel Hollander and Les Moonves just can't forget about him and leave him alone. Artie asked if Tom Chiusano has spoken to him lately. Howard said they do keep in touch via e-mail but they try not to talk about work. He said he's still going to get together with Tom for dinner and stuff.
Howard had Joanie singing for them and after hearing that he figured that she had to be wasted. She was talking about making a movie for the film festival but it was a little late since it's coming up on Thursday. She had no idea that it was coming up that soon. She wasn't invited so she was kind of insulted that she didn't get an invite. Gary said they've tried to get in touch with her but she's been changing management a lot and that never happened.
Howard asked Joanie to kiss Chloe so that's what they did for a few seconds. Then Joanie was rambling about this movie she wants to make. Howard told her to come down for the film festival on Thursday and he'll get her in there. (UPDATE 04/26/06 - According to reports on wrestling sites around the web, a spokesperson for Joanie is claiming that this call was not made by Joanie, it may have been an impersonator. Joanie was apparently visiting troops out in Los Angeles... if it was an impersonator, she sure was convincing.)
Howard said he got a call from Dominic the other night after not hearing from him in a while. He knew that something was going on so last night he was told that he's engaged to Leslie again. He just divorced her about 6 months ago. Howard said he saw him getting divorced in an diner somewhere one time.
Leslie got on the phone and said that there were ''millions of reasons'' for them to get back together again. She said that she's going to a psychiatrist tomorrow morning to figure out why she's going through with this again. Robin told her that this is crazy. They're back to living together again and she's going to see how things go.
Gary came in and asked how far he could go with Leslie. Howard told him to go for it and ask anything. Gary said that he heard that Dominic came home and told her that he was just going away with his girlfriend and they weren't going to be hanging out on New Year's Eve. She said that they may have to do Meet the Shrink together because she told Dominic that he has to do therapy with her.
Leslie said she's not working with Dominic anymore but they were working together at one point. She said that they never stopped talking to each other the whole time they were separated. She said that she had a boyfriend and Dominic had a girlfriend. They went through their problems and now they're back together.
Dominic got on the phone and said that he doesn't think that Beth should do Dancing with the Stars because it would be too much time away from Howard. Gary thought it was funny that Dominic was giving Howard relationship advice.
Dominic said that it's good to be back and he'll see everyone on Thursday at the Film Festival. Robin said she had no idea what was going on with him so she didn't invite him to her party. Dominic got off the phone a short time later.
Howard said it was impossible to watch her movie. She said she knows that it's not for everyone but he could have fast forwarded through the parts she didn't like. Tabitha said that her feelings were hurt by Howard's comments so she got bummed out by that.
The guys were talking about Tabitha raising Alpacas and she was saying that they're not cheap animals. Artie said ''who cares!?'' and told her to move back to L.A. because she's going to go nuts out in Utah. Howard played a clip from Tabitha's movie so people would know what he was talking about. There are a lot of long discussions in the movie that really bored him. He played a couple more clips from the movie and said that she really needs to do a major edit on that movie.
Tabitha said that she was supposed to go to see Howard at Letterman's show that night that he bad mouthed her movie because she thought that Howard would get pissed that she was there. Howard told her that he likes her, he just didn't like her movie.
Gary said that the reason that Will had called her and found out that she was in Utah was to ask her about banging this Make-A-Wish kid who is dying of cancer. Tabitha said that she would do him for the show. Howard said the kid is a good kid but the Make-A-Wish people are kind of lame with their wishes. Howard said he'd let the kid know and bring Tabitha in from Utah. He let her go a short time later.
Howard was thinking of doing a promotion where they'd let the next 1000 subscribers bang Tabitha. He said that he'd have to check into that before they can do it though.
Yucko said that he went back stage at Gilbert Gottfried's comedy show after they did the Daniel Carver roast and Gilbert offered him a DVD so he figured it was a freebie. After Gilbert handed him the DVD he said ''That'll be twenty bucks!'' with a straight face. Howard said that's crazy and couldn't believe that he would do something like that to another comic.
Yucko wasn't in his costume when he was back stage so Howard figured that Gilbert just didn't recognize him. Yucko said he told Gilbert who he was and he knew exactly who he was. Gilbert did throw in a free autograph according to Yucko. He threw him the twenty bucks though. Robin said that Gilbert is doing better than Yucko so that's kind of crazy that he would ask for money from him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he made the best movie for the film festival and he doesn't understand why it didn't get picked. He said it was called ''Howard's Real Revelation'' and it was about Howard revealing that he had a huge penis. Howard said they had a panel of guys going through all of the movies so maybe it was just edged out by the finalists. (There were over 2000 entries and they picked 9 finalists.) Howard said they may have to have this guy come in and show it in the studio so they can check it out. Howard
One of the guys, Greg, from In Demand came in and said that he watched the movie and it wasn't that good. The guy explained his movie and described it to everyone but as he was telling the story Fred was playing snoring sound effects. Howard said that it would have been funnier if he had the penis eating people instead of just looking big. Greg said that the film went nowhere so that's why it didn't make it into the finals.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just got hooked up with SIRIUS and he has no idea how Howard made it on terrestrial radio after hearing him on satellite. He asked for a prize but Howard had nothing to give away. Instead, Howard mentioned a bunch of show notes about Howard 101.
Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about this movie that's coming out about 9/11. Howard said he can't watch a movie like that and some of the other guys said they wouldn't be able to either. Benjy said he would probably go to see it. Artie did too but Fred, Robin and Howard all said they can't watch something like that.
Howard said he heard that Yucko is so broke that he's got to get a regular job. Yucko said he had to get a paper route but he was just kidding. He swears that he doesn't have to get a real job but Sal came in and said that Yucko told Bob Levy that he may have to get a real job if things don't pick up soon. Gary told Howard that Bob Levy just got a gig as the host of some porn awards show. He thought it was the AVNs but it turns out its some other porn awards (It's actually the Fans of Adult Media & Entertainment Awards).
Howard read some e-mail and some people were sending in notes about what names Robin could use for her new boat. Robin said she's already named the boat but she doesn't give out the name.
Howard read some more mail and found a note from this chick Lindsay who wants to be in Playboy. Yucko recognized her picture when he saw it because she's on Myspace. She's only 19 years old.
Howard had some feedback about Sal almost banging a guy in the eye socket. There was some feedback about Artie bad mouthing the Don and Mike show from an angry Don and Mike fan.
Someone wrote in and asked Howard to get Tom Chiusano out of CBS and bring him over to SIRIUS because he's missed now. Howard said that they don't really have a job for Tom there but he'd give him a job if he could. Tom was kind of wormy about some stuff over at K-Rock too. He said he doesn't think that Tom ever fought for them to get to say certain things on the air. He does like Tom though and he still stays in touch with him.
Another writer said that they like Sour Shoes when he calls in and said that Howard should give him his own show. Howard said they already tried that and it didn't work out.
Someone wrote in about Scott's bowling high score of a 290 and figure the only way he could have done that was to get all strikes until the final frame. Scott came in and said that it was actually a 9-Spare and then 11 strieks in a row after that. He's still a loser becuase he still can't get a perfect 300.
Howard read an e-mail about Robin being a bitch becuase she won't invite Sal to her party. Howard sadi that the reason she didn't invite him is because Sal goes nuts when he's invited to a party like that. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he was going over all of that in the break so he wasn't able to go pee. He's had to pee for about 2 hours now and he really needs to break. He wanted to find a song to play so he could go pee. He had problems because his computer was messed up. He had a production library on his screen instead of a music library. He got pissed that his computer wasn't working and his mouse wasn't right. Gary told him he has a mouse with the word ''music'' on it.
Ed said he was talking to Sal and Richard about how they could bring in a porn actress in a hotel room and ask her questions about having sex with black guys and stuff like that. Then they could have a black guy jump out of the closet and confront her. They could do like a reality porn or something like that.
Gary said that Ed was pitching the idea to anyone out in the hall who would listen to him. Howard said that they could give Ed a budget from Howard TV and pay him based on how many hits he gets from On Demand. Artie said that Ed was great for a pitch meeting. He did his impression of Ed for a short time and goofed on his idea a little bit.
Richard Christy came in and said that Ed did some singing for them and told Howard where to find the songs on his computer. Howard played some of the songs where Ed attempted to belt out the lyrics with that strained voice of his.
Howard asked her if she's hot. Jamie said she thinks she is pretty hot and there are some other hot chicks on the squad as well. He asked her if she has ever done a guy while on duty. Jamie said she hasn't done that. Jamie also hasn't done any chicks either. Howard told her that she sounded super hot. He wondered if guys ever beat off to her when she brings them to jail. She said that she just leaves them there at jail and goes back out on patrol so she doesn't know if they do that.
Officer Hot Chick said that Jamie wears just a sports bra under her uniform which Howard found to be pretty hot as well. He was asking her if she's ever done her husband in her patrol car. Jamie was laughing at everything that they were saying to her. Jamie claims that she looks kind of like Shakira from what she's been told. Howard heard that and asked her to lock him up. Yucko asked her if she's a Spic... She said she is Spanish. She said she doesn't have a big ass like Jennifer Lopez but she'd like one.
Howard said that all female cops should dress like Wonder Woman, that would be cool. He let her go a short time later.
Jon Hein was also in to give a Wrap Up Show preview. Jon mentioned the stuff they would be discussing on today's show if they have time.
Howard took a call from Joey Boots who said that George had his story wrong. The guy on eBay is selling a DVD collection of the shows that are going to air on Friday, not the movies that are out to the press. Joey said that the guy is going to record the shows and put them on DVD. Howard said that's illegal so he's hoping that someone takes care of that. He let Jon and George go and then had Robin start her news.
Robin got to her news after the Yucko stuff. During the news Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that Sal has spelled the word vegetables wrong. Howard had Sal come in and spell the word for them. He spelled it ''VEGATABLES'' so Howard goofed on him for a short time about that. Howard asked him to spell a few other words and asked him if he knows how many states there are. He said there are 52. Howard told Sal to get out of there a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy by the name of BJ who said he's dying of pancreatic cancer. Howard ended up offering to let him come in to the studio to meet everyone before it kills the guy. He said the survival rate is only about 6 months so it doesn't look good for him.
At one point Howard was having some fun with the opening guitar riff in Jethro Tull's 'Aqualung' song where he was inserting his own lyrics. He said that you can put just about any lyrics in there. He had everyone in the studio putting their own lyrics in the song as he pointed to them around the studio. Yucko went with ''Dirty stinking Nig***s'' which brought it to a grinding halt for a short time. Howard said that he had gone a little too far with that one. Howard did that for about 5 minutes before having Robin get back to her news. Howard got back into it again a short time later. Robin started reading her news stories to the song. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the show talking about Mark Cuban who will have his own show on SIRIUS. He's calling the show The Radio Maverick and Howard is thinking that's not the right name for the show because you don't call yourself a maverick if you are one. He said that it should just be called the Mark Cuban show or something simple like that.
Howard said that the film festival is tomorrow night and he was going over the rundown of that after the show yesterday. They have Artie hosting the event and Howard and Robin will be judging the films. There are times when Howard and Robin have to get the judges opinions on things and things like that. Robin wondered if the winners get to come up and make speeches. Howard figures they will but he didn't seem to know.
The night is going to be strange because they only have the theater until 10pm. Artie said that's the one thing that will hold them back that night. He's not sure if he should keep things moving along quickly or let things happen as they may. Howard and Artie are going to go back and forth hosting together.
Howard mentioned some of the things that will be going on with Howard 100 and 101 that night. They will have the Superfan Roundtable going on around 9pm. Jon Hein and Gary will be doing a show that will play the next morning as well.
The theater holds about 600 people and they've given away all of the tickets. Walt Sabo from SIRIUS called Howard and complained that he wasn't invited and the Howard 100 News team wasn't invited to the after party. Howard said that they're done doing things like this if people are going to complain like this. He said that this event is for the fans because it's work for them, it's not a party. Doug has let Howard know that they're at capacity right now so they can't fit in anyone else.
Howard said that John Stamos isn't going to make it to the film festival because he's taking some chick down to Key West to bang some chick. He said that John told him he was going to make it but then let him know he wasn't going to make it. He said that the chick John is banging is really hot and he can understand why he's taking her away instead of going to the film festival. Artie said he'd take the tickets if he wanted to get rid of them. Howard said he needs them for other people like Walt Sabo. Artie said he'd rather see a truck driver get them but Howard said that he consults with Walt very often so he's going to get them.
Howard said he gave all of the tickets to the fans and now he's got people like Walt blaming him for not being invited. Fred said that these people should have been calling a while ago because the film festival was announced months ago. People are just waiting until the last minute before they ask.
Artie asked Richard if he has brushed his teeth since he bit the head off of the fish. Richard said he brushed them that night. That got Howard talking about how many problems Richard has had with his teeth and how you'd think he'd be brushing about 4 times a day after having so many cavities... 22 cavities in all. Richard said that when he flosses his teeth it smells like something died because he has a wisdom tooth that's dying and has to be pulled. He said he used to be jealous of his father because he didn't have any teeth and could brush his false teeth in the sink. Howard and Artie goofed on Richard a little after hearing that. They did their impressions of him and made fun of his accent.
Richard said he thinks he brushed his teeth a total of 4 times when he was in high school. He also said he took showers just a couple of times a week. It's been a few days since he showered this week. Artie wondered how often he shits and doesn't shower. Richard said it's a couple of times. Richard said he sometimes he runs his finger along his right ball and smells it because the cheese builds up down there. He also said that he'll smell his underwear after a couple of days when it gets smelly because it smells kind of like a woman.
Howard asked Richard if he's still beating off every Friday night. He said he has to be really careful since he was living with Will for a while. Will is out now so Richard is back to being alone in the apartment. He said he's cleaning up the apartment and fixing it up now.
Richard let Howard know that he didn't brush his teeth this morning so Howard wondered how he can go through the day without doing that. Richard said they still feel kind of fresh the morning after he brushes them so he doesn't bother.
Howard said that guys who are in prison take more pride in their hygiene than Richard does. He told him he should work on that and keep himself clean. Richard said there were times when he was living in the warehouse down in Florida when he figured he didn't need to bother brushing his teeth.
Gary came in and said that Oral B has this thing where you can brush your teeth with a brush that goes on your finger so Richard could do that at work. Richard said he's seen people using them before. He didn't sound like he was going to get right on that though.
The guys were talking about that womanly smell that Richard was talking about. Howard said he knows what he meant by that smell. He's caught a whiff like that before. They were also talking about how some women are really smelly down there. Howard was also talking about his pubic hair and how some of them are longer than his penis is. He's also got hair growing on his shaft that he needs to trim.
Artie said it's funny how Richard won't brush his teeth or shower but he will shave down his bush. Howard said he asked Ralph to show him the top of his bush the other day because he wants his own to look proper. Ralph got all freaked out and didn't show it to him so he knows that Ralph isn't gay. Robin wondered if Howard would be able to tweeze out the hairs on his shaft. He told her he's not sure he could do that. Artie and Richard both said that they've cut their balls when trimming their bushes before. Howard has never done that to himself.
Artie wondered if Beth would want to play basketball against him. Howard said she's really rusty these days but she would really try to win if she did play against him.
Howard said that he and Ralph were on the phone laughing at Paula Abdul as she was crying so Beth was saying that she doesn't want to be doing Dancing with the Stars with those two sitting home and laughing at her. Howard went into his Eric the Midget voice since he's decided to do that when he talks about American Idol.
Howard, as Eric, was talking about Catherine McFee and how hard she was making him. Howard said he thought she was really good on the show but Robin thought she was horrible. Gary said that no one was great last night, they were all bad. Gary thinks that Kelly Pickler will be gone tonight. Howard was still doing his Eric voice and talking about the show.
Robin said the best part was when Paula Abdul broke down and cried. Howard played some of that audio and talked about how she's a sick, sick woman. He said that he and Beth were watching the show and he had to turn up the volume as Ryan Seacrest was giving out the phone numbers. That's how much he likes the show. Artie was watching a baseball game and eating a sandwich while Howard and the guys were watching American Idol. He doesn't get it and can't watch that stuff.
Gary said that the button on the TiVo where you can go back 8 seconds is the Wife/Girlfriend button. Scott DePace told him that he came up with that name because he uses it when his wife makes a comment while he's watching TV.
Howard played more of Paula crying on the show last night. She was making a speech to one of the kids on the show and was tearing up as she did it. Simon Cowell was laughing at her but said that he wasn't. Howard said the show is great because they basically throw a kid to the wolves each week. Gary thought that Simon was cut off last night because he was making Kelly cry by hitting her over and over again with his comments.
Artie mentioned that when he first saw ''Survivor'' he thought it was an awful show. Howard and Gary both think it's still a great show. Howard thinks that Pickler or the ''grey haired guy'' will be voted off the show tonight. He wanted to do more of his Eric the Midget voice but his megaphone was broken recently and wasn't working correctly. His computer screen disappeared right after that so he was going to go to break. Then he decided to take phone calls instead.
Howard checked into Artie's Devil Dog box to see how much he's actually eaten over the past few weeks. He saw that Artie is using the box as a storage bin because he has his mail and other food in the box. Richard asked how many Devil Dogs Artie could actually shove into his mouth at once. Artie didn't want to do that because it would make him sick for the rest of the morning.
Howard took a call from a woman who is driving up from Myrtle Beach for the Film Festival. She won tickets and will be up by Thursday. Howard said that they will have a bunch of the Film Festival entries up on Howard TV at the end of the week. They'll need about a week to edit the Film Festival coverage and get that up.
Another caller said that he saw a crotch shot on American Idol last night just like Ralph did. He said he couldn't really tell if it was a black thong or a bush shot though.
A caller told Howard that his radio broke and he didn't have a radio for about 2 weeks while SIRIUS was covering it under warranty. He was trying to tell Howard that the people who are saying that he's a failure are wrong because they have a 2 week backorder on the radios right now.
Gary told Howard that they had an audio clip from Jason and Will's Page 69 Report on Howard 100 News but Howard's computer was down so he couldn't play it. Gary said that they thought he was going to take a break and they were going to fix it during the break. Howard took another phone call before going to break. The caller told him that thanks to Artie, he won a lot of money betting on the college hoops games that he was recommending. The guy said that thanks to Artie, 27 of his family members have SIRIUS radios. He ended up winning $20,000 so he thanked Artie a few times for that. Artie said that maybe the guy didn't know what a mush he could be. The caller said he put $10,000 on one game because of what Artie suggested.
Another caller said that Kelly Pickler was rubbing Ryan Seacrest's leg before her performance last night. Howard said that he saw that too and he figures that she could probably give a great hand job. He said he loves a great hand job. He said he was listening to Victoria Zdrock's show and she was talking about how you can get STD's from a hand job just as easy as from sex. Howard was talking about how some women lick their hand when they give a hand job and that spreads the bodily fluids as well. Benjy said that your balls also touch things even when you're wearing a condom. Robin said that's not a mucus membrane like the head of the penis is.
Howard said he was talking to Jenny McCarthy about doing stuff with Jenna Jameson and wondered how she can make out with her knowing that she's a porn star. Jenny said she's not worried about it and if she gets Mono or something, she can take pills for that. Howard recapped the stuff that Jenny talked about during her interview yesterday and said it was a great interview.
Jenny mentioned that she would be willing to make a video with Jenna where they make out and do stuff on camera so Howard is going to contact Jenna and see if she's up for that. He went to break after that.
After the break Howard was listening to some Billy Joel songs. Fred had one playing as they came out of break so Howard had him playing some other ones. They moved on to play some new Baba Booey song parodies that a fan sent in. Howard said he thought they were Sal's songs because the guy sounds just like him. He played a couple of the new ones and said that he'd like to let that guy come to the film festival but he's got no tickets.
Howard also had some Andrew Dice Clay song parodies that he played quickly. He also played the Dice prank call that he played on the show yesterday. He said that it took a lot of work to put that together because the clips they used of Dice were from his stand-up act and there's a lot of echo in them. Howard said he loves when people get in arguments with phony phone callers.
Allan said that he heard that there were other tapes out there of Ted Turner having sex as well. He said that he saw the tape back in 1994 and Jane Fonda looked good in the tape. She was using a strap-on with Ted according to this guy. He said that Ted didn't have a very large penis or anything but it was adequate. He said that there was also another woman in the room with them and Jane went down on her. He said that he saw Jane use the strap-on dildo on Ted and he's convinced that it was really Ted Turner.
Howard said that he would never let a tape get out there of something like that. Allan said that he took the whole thing up his ass as well so it was pretty appalling when he saw it. There was some talking on the tape and Ted was saying that his dick was as big as a house. He also got upset when Jane accidentally pulled out at one point. Howard read from Allan's book where he describes the tape and it's a pretty graphic description.
Howard said it seems like Ted is into a pretty wild scene. Allan claims that he had to cut out part of his description because Ted was blowing the dildo at one point. He said that Jane was also jerking him off but not doing it good enough so Ted took over and blew his load on his own chest.
Howard made sure he let it be known that he doesn't know if this stuff is true and that he has no proof that it was actually Ted Turner in the tape that Allan describes. Howard heard that Allan was fired after he roasted Larry Flynt one time.
Howard asked Allan what he thinks he could make if he had a tape of Jenna Jameson and Jenny McCarthy doing stuff together. Allan said that if the tape was from about 6 years ago, it would be worth a lot more. He thinks that the tape could be worth six figures though. Howard gave him a plug for his book ''Prisoner of X'' and then went to break.
Dice said that he was stopped by a couple of guys on the street and the guys were telling him how funny he was when he was on Howard's show a few weeks ago. Howard said that someone asked him if he would go back to terrestrial radio to get the big audience. He said that the people are moving over to satellite and he doesn't want to go back there. He said he feels he has his integrity back since moving to satellite and he's not going anywhere.
The guys talked about the ''terrestrial radio'' term and how they had to come up with that after satellite radio was invented. Dice was also talking about everything they're calling ''hybrid'' these days. He doesn't get that and doesn't understand how they can use it for everything from cars to TV shows.
Howard said he remembers a couple of things about Dice's career where he got into some trouble. He went on MTV one time and got banned after cursing up a storm. Dice said he was asked to introduce Cher one time and he had his buddy Hot Tub Johnny with him. There were a couple of other comics like Paul Reiser there bombing on stage so Dice wanted to liven things up. Hot Tub Johnny asked him if he was going to go out and be a ''tear drop or a tidal wave.'' Then Dick Clark came over and told him that if he needed to fill time, they could send Arsenio Hall up to work with him. Dice said he got pissed at Dick after that. He ended up getting called on stage and he was pissed at that point so he did his act where he did his poems for the audience. He did those and that's what got him banned from MTV.
Dice said that the press was so stunned that day that there were no questions for him. He said that it was as if he had shot someone on stage. It also helped make him bigger than he already was. Dice was doing some Al Pacino lines from Donnie Brasco and wanted Artie to join in but Artie didn't know the movie that well. Artie wanted to do some Godfather stuff but Dice didn't want to do them.
Dice did some scenes but Artie couldn't join in because Dice was improvising his lines. He was doing his Marlon Brando impression and Howard said he was really getting into his characters. Dice was making up new scenes for Godfather Part 4 where he was talking about fingering a chick up to the knuckle and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dice is the funniest guy in the world. The guy called from Florida so Howard said he was thinking of buying a place down there. Dice told Howard not to do that to himself. He told a story about doing a show down there and how horrible it was. He said he was living in Upstate New York for a while. He had been living with his father when he started to get really big so he wanted to move out.
Dice said he got a place in Boca Raton and it was right across the street from the beach. One day he went down and got a Slurpee while he waited for his wife to come down. He went out by the pool and there was a guy in his 90s sitting next to the pool. The guy told him he couldn't have any drinks in there so Dice told him not to worry about it and to mind his own business. He told the guy to just sit there and creak. The guy got up, came over and kicked his chair. The guy told him he really can't have anything to drink there so Dice got up and told him to go sit down. The guy pushes him and said that he's a young punk so Dice pushed him right into the pool. His wife was on her way there and asked what was going on. Dice told her that the other guy started it.
Howard said that the last time Dice was there, they had a great time. After the show Dice was leaving but Benjy did something kind of odd. He said that Benjy asked him if he could kiss Dice on the lips so Howard told him not to do it. He asked him not to do it but Benjy went out and did it anyway. Benjy went out, told Dice what a fan he was and had ''a moment'' with him and then went in for the kiss. Dice said he doesn't know Benjy and he has no idea how lucky he is that he's still there.
Benjy kept telling Dice that they had a moment but Dice didn't find it funny. He said he went back to L.A. and had people asking him why he let this guy kiss him. Dice asked Benjy if he ever got a feeling that he wanted him because he sure wasn't interested in his big fat ass. Benjy was stuck in his ''shtick coma'' and kept up the story about how they had a moment in the green room. Dice was really pissed at him and the two of them were going back and forth arguing with each other. Howard had to cut them off and tried to explain to Dice that he could never have a real conversation with Benjy.
Dice told Benjy that he was very lucky and sounded like he was going to beat the crap out of Benjy. Dice's guys came in to take care of things just in case something happened. Dice's guy ''Happy Face'' and Todd came in. Dice said that Todd was kind of upset that he didn't get to meet Howard the last time he was there. Ronnie came in and pushed them out of the room a short time later.
Howard said that Dice called Gary back a couple of days later and said that he didn't know this fat guy and he was ready to kill him when he went in for the kiss. Someone told Dice that he worked on the show so that's why he didn't slam him against the wall. Benjy told Dice that he was looking at him again and he was getting that feeling again. Ronnie came in and said that he told Benjy not to mess with him but he doesn't listen to what people say. Benjy said that if Dice really wants to fight... They could schedule something. Dice said he can handle it right there, not schedule something.
Dice told Benjy he owes him an apology and told him to take it back. Benjy wasn't taking anything back because he had no idea what he was telling him to take back. Dice said that Benjy was shaking and sweating that day and he figured he was just a fan so he gave him a hug.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that they have video of Dice and Benjy's hug on Howard TV On Demand. He figures that Dice would have killed him if he didn't know that Benjy worked on the show. Howard said it was funny but he did tell Benjy not to do it. Benjy was staring Dice down so Dice told him to just keep his mouth shut. If he tries to hug him again he's going to punch his teeth into the back of his fuckin' head. He said that Benjy is a stupid guy and he's not going to hug him. Benjy begged for another hug but Dice knows what he's in for.
Howard said that Dice will go crazy if he gets that kiss again. Benjy said that he just wants a hug from him but Dice doesn't want to do that. Dice doesn't want his kids to see a guy trying to kiss him again.
Dice said that after the last time he was on, he heard that ''Olivia and Annette'' (Opie and Anthony) went after him and his kids on their show. Dice went on Kidd Chris' show after that and told him that he's going to go after this guy ''Olivia'' and let people know where he lives. He said he's let him know that if he mentioned his kids on the air again, he was going to go after them. Dice said he's got an 11 year old and talking about his kid isn't right. He's going to have to run into him some day and he knows that he'll crumble as soon as he sees him.
Dice said that if that guy ever comes to L.A. He'd better be very well protected because he's going to get him if he's not. He went off on both of them for a short time and said that Anthony's face looks like it was hit with a meteorite. He said he's the only guy uglier than the guy in ''Grease'' who was a crater face. He said that they even used his face to design the bottom of a sneaker. He went off on him for a few minutes. He said that for them to go backwards, by going back on terrestrial radio, is ridiculous. He said that they had no listeners and they're trying to explain why they're going on free radio after their fans shelled out money to hear them on XM. Dice said that they had no ratings but Howard thought they did okay when they were on terrestrial radio before. Dice took credit for that saying that they got ratings after he started to show up on their show.
Howard said that Dice wears the weight lifting gloves and figures he wears them because he hates shaking people's hands. Dice said that's why he wears them because people are sneezing in their hands and wiping their nose and things like that.
Howard played the audio clip of Dice going off on a CNN reporter for getting his facts wrong about his career. He tells the guy to go fuck himself and walked off the show after just a few seconds. Howard told Dice that he had just done an hour with them and the time flew by. Dice said they wasted a lot of time on ''the little fat guy'' (Benjy). Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and thanked him for coming in. He told Benjy not to hug him goodbye and told him to let it go. Benjy said that Dice smelled delicious this morning with his soapy smell.
Howard took a call from Jessica Hahn who told Benjy to listen to Dice and drop it because he's not messing around. Howard told Dice that they'll get to some phone calls the next time he's on. He wants to talk to him about what happened with Hot Tub Johnny and Clubsoda Kenny as well the next time he comes in. Dice said he's going to be appearing in Detroit soon. He said that he's going to do a couple thousand people in the club and ticket sales shot up the last time he was on so he thinks Howard's show did that for him. Howard was about to go to break but told Fred to hold off because he was running out of time.
Lisa Rinna was on the phone so Howard let Beth and Lisa discuss the show. Lisa said that she has been really busy since she did the show. Her popularity blew up after the show. Howard told Lisa that Beth doesn't care about that fame part of the gig, she's looking at it for the competition. Lisa told them that she looked at it as if she had to win to make anything out of it at all.
Lisa had Beth talk about the dance lessons that she's taken so far. Beth said that she only took one and she got the hang of it after the full day so she's wondering if other people were doing the same thing. Lisa said that she didn't have any experience and was in the same situation as Beth is now. Beth also asked her about how much time it would take for the lessons. It's three months total according to Lisa. She said that she would get a trainer to work with her for six weeks and that six weeks is part of the 3 month commitment.
Beth asked Lisa if it's possible for her to fly home on the weekends to stay with Howard. Lisa said that Jerry Rice was going back and forth but traveled with his dancer. She said that Beth could travel with her dancer if she gets one from New York. They could still rehearse on Saturday night because they will get a new dance move to do for the next week. Howard said that Lisa is basically saying that Beth won't have the time to fly back and forth. They would be using 6 hours of time each way on the flight.
Lisa said that she would only rehearse for six hours a day. She said that Beth will probably do it for just 3 hours a day because it will drive her nuts. Lisa said she actually broke down and cried because it was so frustrating to her.
Howard asked Beth if she was just saying no to this because of him. Beth said that she is fearing being away from him but that's her personal feelings and it's not just because Howard doesn't want him away. She said that she's physically pained to be away from Howard for any amount of time. Howard said that she really does love him and he loves her for that.
Howard said that he and Beth have a lot of fun together and she would rather just have her life at home because she enjoys it. Lisa said that the confidence that Beth will get from the experience will make their sex life even better. She said that she thinks that Beth should do it because it was a great experience for her.
Howard asked Lisa what she was wearing right then. She was wearing shirt and jeans so Howard told her to ask her driver to describe her body to him. She didn't want to do that.
Beth is going on Tony Danza's show today for the North Shore Animal League. Lisa asked Howard if he thinks Beth should do the Dancing with the Stars show or not. Howard said he thinks it would be a great experience for her but he knows that she doesn't want to be harassed and humiliated by people on TV. He said that she's no super motivated to do a show like that either. He said he thinks it would be great for her to do it and if she wants to do it, he'll support her through the whole thing.
Fred asked Lisa if she thinks she's getting work because of the show or if they're things that she would have gotten anyway. Lisa thinks that it had to do with the show. She said that she's making a lot of money with these gigs and it's working out very well for her.
Howard wrapped up with Lisa and then wrapped up with Beth who got in a plug for her appearance on The Tony Danza Show this morning. Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that he was being a dick about the whole thing. Howard doesn't get that because he's told Beth that he'll be there for her no matter what. The guy asked Beth if she wants to do it or not. Beth told him that she will be the one making the decision either way.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Beth is saying that if Howard went to L.A., she would do the show. Beth said that's true. Mariann was also saying that the show is kind of cheesy and she should think about that as well. Beth had to get going a short time later.
Howard said that he has done many things in his career and had forgotten about how much fun he had when he first started out in the business. He made the deal to go to SIRIUS and woke up his career once again. He gave Bubba a show after he had been kicked off the air by Clear Channel. When he started to broadcast the show, he was told that the show has never been better. He's having a blast and having the best time of his life now.
Howard remembers the days when he had to try and come up with euphemisms for stuff on terrestrial radio and what a pain in the ass that was. Now he can speak the way he wants and do the show the way it should be done. He knows that there are a lot of people who can handle it on terrestrial radio but he doesn't want to go back to doing it. He's done with it and this is what he wants to be doing now. He wants terrestrial radio to forget about him already. He suggested that CBS drop their lawsuit because they really don't have a case.
Robin said he feels bad for people like Opie and Anthony, Mancow, Kidd Chris and anyone else out there in the terrestrial radio business because it's going to be tough to do their job with the FCC cracking down on them. He also mentioned that their friend Chris Booker called him last night and let him know that he's leaving Free FM to move to WIOQ in Philadelphia. He doesn't want to be the fourth banana at a radio station so he's gone. He'll be on in the mornings doing a talk show. He wants to be ''the guy'' on the station like Howard was so that's why he's leaving. Howard said that the guys at FreeFM they were going to look at him as if he were the guy who used to play records. He needs to move on to make it the way he wants to.
Howard said he looks skinny but he's really not. Robin said that there are a few people in there who will have more body fat than Howard does. Robin said she's not going to take part in that. Fred said that they have to get Jason and Will in on that. Gary said that he's pretty sure that Dice won't want to do it. Howard told Gary to get the woman started out there measuring the other guys in the office. He came back and said that it takes about 2 minutes per person so Howard told them to get started.
Another phone caller told Howard that Dice was great today but then called him a has-been a minute later. He was asking Artie when he's coming down to Florida to do a stand-up gig. Artie said he'll be down there soon enough. Gary thinks that he's going to be doing comedy gigs every weekend in the summer but Artie said it won't be that nuts. He's going to be doing some gigs during the summer when they have time off. Howard figures he'll be in bed for a few days after doing the gigs.
Gary said he's pretty sure that he won't be taking part in the body fat measurement. He has no desire to do that. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard said he read that Bill Bennett is going to have a show on SIRIUS so Fred and Robin were kind of surprised by that. Howard said he doesn't really care but the guy did speak poorly of him years ago. He had some audio of the guy bad mouthing him. In the clip Bennett says that CBS was pumping more sewage into people's homes by broadcasting his TV show. Howard said that he may have a few words with him if he sees him walking the halls at SIRIUS. Artie said that guy seems like he's a huge asshole and has no fun at all.
Howard said he's fine with SIRIUS hiring the guy but he really doesn't think the guy is going to bring in any subscribers. Robin reminded people that he was a public servant who was gambling big money years ago. Howard also said that he said something about reducing crime by having all black people have abortions.
Howard read a story about a guy who was killed in New York while he was in a recycling bin and was crushed. He said that Benjy read another story where a woman was arrested for letting her kid and his friend take pictures of her naked. Howard found and article about that and read that for everyone.
There was another article about a guy who was arrested for road rage after he rammed into a guy who had cut him off earlier. Howard said that's just insane. He saw a picture of Lisa Rinna and Cindy Crawford in the paper today and they were dancing with each other way too close. Robin said that she saw a picture of Cindy Crawford's sisters in an article and they are so not Cindy Crawford.
Howard said that Ronnie is a douche. He might have hairy man tits or something like that. Artie said that Ronnie thinks that he's avoiding him by taking one of the side doors instead of the main door to go in and out of the studio. Artie said that he actually does it to avoid going past Benjy because it takes so long.
Will came in and said he tried to get Ronnie but ''she'' slammed the door in his face. Howard said he's going to be forced to wear a dress tomorrow if he doesn't get measured. Mike Gange came in and said Ronnie won't let anyone in to film him or anything like that. Howard said that Ronnie brought in his publicity photos to work and he doesn't realize that people are asking for them as a goof. Gange said that Sal is out in the hall trying to beat up Ronnie with a big dildo.
Howard said that everyone there is a mess but people like Mike Gange probably have less body fat than he does. Benjy got checked and the woman was excited about the rolls of fat on his body. Richard came in and goofed on Ronnie so Ronnie came in and yelled at him and Sal for sticking the dildos in the room.
Howard asked Ronnie who he brought the autographed pictures in for. He said it was for Scott the Engineer and his ''Black Cloud Diner.''
Dice said that he doesn't want to box Benjy like he wants to because people don't want to see him dressed, never mind half naked in a boxing ring. Howard said that Captain Janks once saw Dice beat the crap out of a guy one time. Janks said that this guy was messing with Dice and Dice just beat the crap out of him. He thinks that Benjy should watch what he says.
Dice said that he's in okay shape because he at least tries to stay in shape. He pointed that out to Benjy since Benjy wouldn't drop the whole thing. Dice said that he's really the nicest guy in the world and he's not looking to cause any problems. He said he recently had a heating guy at his house who didn't do his job right and when he gets his hands on him, there's no telling what he's going to do to him. Howard told Benjy to show Dice his penis but Dice said he doesn't want to see that.
Benjy challenged Dice to a cock-off but Dice just wanted to get out of there. Howard told him to go ahead and leave then. Dice told Benjy to do himself a favor and let it go. Howard said that what dice was saying is that he wants nothing to do with Benjy.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned the other things they'll be talking about today. Steve the Intern also came in and gave a quick preview of what they had coming up on The Intern Show that airs tonight at 7pm.
Howard said he had some great stuff to play today but he ran out of time. Chris came in a few seconds later so he told her that she may be a little too muscular. Her arms were apparently very big. He said that when a woman's arms get that big, it's too much for him. He had her measure Fred first since she had done just about everyone else. She had a helper with her from Prevention magazine by the name of Cheryl. She was helping her out with the numbers. Fred said it still hurt for a while after she took the measurement.
Howard stood up and had Chris measure him. She told him that he was very tall and his stomach looked pretty good. Howard let out a yell as she as measuring his belly with the calipers that were pinching him. He told Artie that he was in for some pain when he got measured.
Chris went over to Artie next and he let out a yelp when she was pinching him. She said that she was having a problem measuring his belly fat because there was so much of it. She gave a number of 60 when she finally got it. Fred asked if that was the most out of everyone. She didn't answer because she probably didn't hear him.
Howard asked Chris what kind of body fat she has. She said she's around a 15. Howard checked out her abs and said that she looks great for having 3 kids. Artie said he has no kids and no abs. Gary said that his numbers for the first three measurements weren't that far off of Howard's but the ab fat was way off. Howard asked to check out Chris' ass so she stood up and showed it off. Artie pulled out a $100 bill and asked her if that got her to forget about the body.
Howard tried to find out what kind of stuff she does with her husband but she just wanted to talk about body fat. Howard asked her if she's done anything wild in her life. She said that she has but didn't have any examples. Howard asked her if her sons have friends over who check her out while she's wearing a bikini. She said she really doesn't wear one around them that much.
Richard Christy came in and asked Chris if she does Kegle exercises to keep herself in shape down there. She said that she does that as part of her pilates exercises. Richard also asked her if she would get into a bikini for them. Chris said she's a mother and doesn't want to do that on the air.
Howard wanted to play a game with Chris and let them guess who has the lowest and highest body fat. Howard asked Artie who he thinks has the lowest. The guys guessed it was either Howard or Will but it turns out it was Richard Christy who has the lowest body fat. Will was also low but not as low as Richard. Howard asked her if she caught a whiff of his stink since he doesn't shower very often. She didn't say she did.
The guys guessed at who had the most body fat. Benjy and Scott's names both came up. Benjy was off the chart according to Chris. Jason was also up there pretty high. The guys talked about the amount of food that Benjy eats every day. Artie was eating some Devil Dogs and butted into the conversation with a mouth full of food.
Chris said that Artie was also off of her chart. She said that Benjy and Artie were both off of her chart and they were close in numbers. She said that JD was at about 20 percent, Gary was at 24 percent, Sal was in an acceptable location and Ronnie was a little under 25 percent. Scott the Engineer was a little over but not too bad. No one was in the ''athletic'' percentage. Mike Gange was at about 28 percent which was close to where Scott the Engineer was at. Gange found it hard to believe that he was that close to Scott.
Chris said that Howard was at about 22 percent body fat. Gary said that means he's only 2 percent less than he is. Chris said that some guys are harder to read than others because their skin is tighter than a woman's would be. Howard gave Chris a plug for her DVDs (''Prevention Fitness System - Personal Training'') which are available in stores. She told Howard what those are all about and said that she wears spandex in them.
Howard almost forgot so he asked what George Flowers was at. He's at 26 percent according to Chris. She said that there's an error correction of a few percent so he could be lower than that. Howard wrapped up with Chris and let her go a short time later.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard that Beth was on Tony Danza's show gushing all over him. She said she's awesome. Howard wanted to watch it so he asked the guys if they could get it up on his TV. JD came in and told Howard that the segment was just about over but he had caught it on TiVo. Howard asked why they can't get a TV in the studio so they can watch it if they want. Gary said that he's pretty sure they don't have a cable hooked up. Scott the Engineer came in and said that there was no cable hooked up to the TV.
Gary said he thought it was set up the way they had it set up at the other place but he was wrong. Howard said he just wants a regular TV in the studio that he can turn on and watch like he does at home. He doesn't want it hooked up to his computer or anything like that. He heard that Ferrall is getting 3 TVs in his studio so he can watch TV.
Ralph called in and said that Beth looked great on his 61 inch TV. He asked Howard if the dogs that she brings on are the same dogs that you can get at the pound. He said they are, they don't just bring in the best looking dogs and have mangy mutts when you go there. Ralph spent a few minutes talking about the Dancing with the Stars thing. Robin was saying that Beth can stand to be away for six weeks and it's just Howard that's holding her back. Howard said that he's willing to let her do it but she's the one saying she may not want to do it. She's not that interested in going away for such a long time. Howard told Robin that Beth is not her so she doesn't know how she feels.
Beth has a job right now where she's traveling around for Gillette and she'll be away for a couple of days a week. She's enjoying it but every week she talks about how bummed out she is that she goes away. He said that she's the one who is upset, not him. She's the one who is upset that she's missing the film festival this week because of her schedule.
Howard said Beth loves doing her show on Spike TV with Steve Shiripa and she has a new show coming up on G4TV in June. Ralph thinks that she could be doing network TV if she did the Dancing with the Stars show. Howard kept telling everyone that he's not holding her back from doing it. He won't commit to flying out to L.A. To visit her so that's not helping things out.
Howard said that Ralph called him up yesterday and told him that he got a call from this guy Dana who dresses like a woman. The dude told Ralph that she's living in Florida which made Ralph realize that Dana is more together than he is. Ralph isn't doing that bad according to Howard. He got to sit around and watch TV all week last week.
Ralph said it's kind of stupid that he's still renting and hasn't bought a home yet. He's kind of a scatterbrain according to Howard. He was supposed to make a movie for the film festival but he's not done with it yet. He heard from Sam Simon who was going to work with him on it but Ralph never got back to him. Howard had to cut everyone off because he just realized it was 11 o'clock and they hadn't even started Robin's news.
Howard said that Bubba is really exposed to danger in the car because it's all open around him other than the roll cage. Robin was saying that she learns a lot of stuff listening to Bubba's show. Stuff like this and about Brett Favre going back to Green Bay.
Howard asked Bubba who he would throw overboard if he had to choose between Hulk Hogan, Tony Stewart and Matty Yokum and keep only one alive. Bubba said he'd have to stick with Hulk because he's been friends with him for so long.
Howard was on the phone with Bubba the other day and heard them shocking Scott Ferrall's ass. Bubba said that he had a couple of girls do that to him since he came in to see some naked chicks. Robin also brought up a story about how Ned had told Bubba's son a dirty bedtime story one night. She doesn't believe that's true but Bubba said it is true and he may run into some custody issues because of it. Bubba is very upset about that and it was no joke. Howard asked Matty what he would do if someone did that to his kid. Matty doesn't have any kids but he said he's not sure what he'd do. Bubba said he'd like to fire him but he's too much of an icon on the show. The fans would get upset if he did fire him.
Robin brought up the day that Bubba walked off his own show. Bubba said he's already heard shit about that from Tim Sabean. He knows he can't do that. Brent and Bubba talked about what they were talking about that day and why Bubba walked off. Bubba also pointed out that Robin almost walked off the show during the Daniel Carver roast.
Howard talked to the guys about how Bill Bennett is getting a job there at SIRIUS and no one seems to be too happy with that. Howard said he doesn't have any control over that and he couldn't stop him from being hired there. The guys were all over the place changing subjects every few seconds.
Bubba and Brent are going to be shocking Richard and Sal on tomorrow's show so Howard brought that up. Sal is going to have to have his balls shocked to get into Robin's party. Bubba said that they're going to have the two hot chicks in to ride the Sybian together as well. Gary came in and said that Sal asked him if this shocking was safe and approved. Howard said that of course it's not safe. Bubba described the unit to him and it sounds pretty scary. It's just a dog shocker that they're using and Brent told him that they shock women's private parts with it so it's not that bad.
Sal was worried that he'd drop dead from the shocking. Howard told him that it is possible that he could die if the shock got him just right. He agreed to do it but he's still afraid of dying from the shock. Richard was also saying that he's going to do it. He used to get shocked by a cattle prod and he's fine after getting shocked by those. Sal said he'll do it if he can't drop dead from this thing. Howard said he can't guarantee that he won't drop dead though. Howard told Bubba and the guys to save some of this stuff for tomorrow's show.
Howard said that Sal was so against Bubba when he first started there and now he's hanging out and having a great time with them. Sal said that he was very committed to Howard's show in the past and refused to accept Bubba as a co-worker, now he has heard the show and realizes he kicks ass. Howard wrapped up with them and let Bubba and the guys go. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him some advice on how to get the hairs off of his shaft. He said to use a Bic razor with either soap, shaving cream or even just water. He said he's never even nicked himself doing that. Howard said he's not taking a blade to his shaft no matter what. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show at around 11:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about the Film Festival. It actually led to a fight between him and Beth because she won't be able to make it there. He didn't think it was going to turn into this big of a deal and now he feels that he screwed up. Robin said that her boyfriend won't be able to make it to the festival. Artie's girlfriend won't be at the festival but may come to the party. Fred said his wife will be there. Benjy's girlfriend will also be there.
Howard talked about Benjy screwing around with Dice on yesterday's show. He asked him if he really thought he could take Dice. Benjy said you never know until you actually take someone on. Benjy thinks that Richie Wilson is one guy there who could probably take on anyone there. Howard said that Fred could probably take on Richie and beat him because he's got ''mental case strength.'' Fred took offense to that and said it was a bit of an insult to say that. Howard said he didn't mean it that way though.
Fred talked about how he had to learn to fight because he had an older brother who would beat the crap out of him. Howard asked him if he could beat Richie Wilson and Fred said that it depends on what kind of moves he knows. Richie came in and said that he's been studying Gracie Jujitsu over the past few years. Howard said that those moves are the moves that Ultimate Fighters use. There's one guy who won a lot of Ultimate Fighter fights using those techniques. Howard told Robin about that form of Jujitsu and how those guys can work really well once they take someone down to the floor. Howard told Robin about how popular this Gracie Jujitsu thing became because of the guy in the Ultimate Fighter thing.
Howard had the latest Page 69 segment from Howard 100 News and wanted to play it because he heard that JD saw Robin and Fred's Film Festival entry and he wasn't impressed. Now Robin is mad at him because she thinks her movie is so good. Robin said she thinks that JD just doesn't like it because he's in competition with her.
Howard played the audio where Jason and Will talk gossip about the show. They mentioned the JD thing and how upset Robin got with him when he told her that her movie wasn't that good. JD came in and said that he actually told someone else about seeing the movie and how he told Robin what he thought. That's how the story got out there.
JD told Howard that their movie looks ''okay.'' He said that Penny Crone was horrible in the movie and then Robin told him to stop talking about it because he doesn't want anyone sabotaging the movie. Robin told him to get out of the studio because of that. She told JD that she would pull his teeth out one at a time if he said another word about his movie. She said she showed it to JD in confidence not knowing that he was going to go around blabbing to people about it.
Gary came in and said that people have to see the movie themselves to make their own judgment. Robin was daring JD to say another word and if he did she was going to stab him with a pen. She said she doesn't mind his opinion, she minds the fact that he was going around blabbing it to other people. She sounded genuinely pissed off about it. She said she hasn't said anything about anyone else's film so she would appreciate it if everyone else gave her the same respect.
JD said that he knows there are problems with his own film but he finds it entertaining. Fred said that the last minute of their movie is great and it could be the winner of the staff entries. Sal came in after that and said that when JD dropped the news, he came into his and Richard's office, closed the door and told them that the movie was terrible. JD said he didn't say that it was terrible. Sal corrected that and said he told them it was awful.
Robin said that's the asshole that she took into her confidence. Now she's saying that his life is over and just wait to see what she does to him. Gary said he hasn't heard a thing about his movie. Howard said that's because he's keeping it a secret. He put together his movie, ''Fred,'' and hasn't shown it to anyone. Doug was helping him out with that. Sal said that there's a leak on Howard's movie and he has seen about 3 seconds of it.
Robin said that Howard claimed that he was going to win the Film Festival but he said he never said that. Sal said he thinks it will win and he was basing that on the 3 seconds that he saw. Howard said he hasn't heard a thing about Robin and Fred's movie until now.
Howard said that he's looking forward to Sal's movie which is about Robin's meats and vegetables. JD made a movie about Ronnie so Ronnie came in and told them that it's going to suck. He said he knows that it's going to stink because JD made it.
Sal said that Artie had complained about Robin's directing of her movie. Artie said he never said anything about Robin's directing. Sal said that he called her the N-word and the C-word when he was describing it. Robin said that her movie was supposed to be a bit of a surprise. Gary said that if she wanted it to be a surprise, she wouldn't have filmed it up there at SIRIUS.
Howard said that they have 2 hours for the Film Festival tonight so they have to move it along pretty quickly. He said he's going to be moving the judges along quickly to give their thoughts on what they see. Fred was telling Howard that the movie that he and Robin worked on is very good and he thinks that it could be the winner for the staff entries.
Howard heard that Richard was out in the hall telling people to boo when they see Robin and Fred's movie tonight, just to piss them off. Richard came in and said that he and Benjy worked on a movie together and they're keeping that quiet. The movie is about Benjy power walking.
Howard said that Richie Wilson sent out an e-mail with tape from a bachelor party where this guy is getting a dance from a stripper and the bachelor pukes on her back. He said it was really funny. Howard then said that he'll be in his tux by about 5 o'clock and he'll be at the festival around 6. At 7 they start the festival. Red Peters will be performing a song there and Sour Shoes will be out on the street performing for people as well. Howard said he'll try to move the festival along quickly once they get going. They have Artie hosting a little bit and a bunch of judges that will be picking the winners.
After the festival there's an After Party. The VIP passes for the festival get people into that after party. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they have a trophy for the top 3 winners of the festival. He was wondering if they should call it ''The Howie.'' Howard said they have to come up with a better name than that. Robin said that they could call it the Sternatomy Awards or something like that.
Howard said he had the tape from the bachelor party that he was talking about. Everyone was disgusted when they saw the tape. Benjy asked if they thought it was real because it looked fake to him. Howard told him to stop with his comments. Gary told Howard that he had a recording of Dice leaving a message for Benjy so he played that as well. Dice said that he spoke to his kids and they all feel that Benjy should get Dice's respect because he went toe to toe with him and didn't back down. Dice said he respects Benjy for doing that and he's no longer ''the little fat kid,'' he's now ''Big Bald Benjy'' or Triple B. Dice said he's got to respect him for not backing down.
Howard thought that was great that Benjy won his respect. He went on to talk about what he heard that made Dice famous many years ago. He started to tell the story but didn't know all of the details. He said that he was at a roast or something and told someone to fuck off or something like that. He wants Dice to tell the story the next time he comes in.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Robin that she's definitely not cured after hearing her go off on JD. Howard said he knew that Robin would go berserk when she heard that Page 69 thing. Robin said that she's very attached to her movie and she doesn't want people bad mouthing it like that before people have seen it. She told JD not to come to her party and to keep his ''...funky ass home.''
Howard said that Bubba and his crew will be in to shock some balls and puss today. That led to Robin asking about why Scott Ferrall took the shock up his ass. Howard said that those shock collars aren't as safe as people think. He said that people use those electric fences thinking they're doing something good but they can ruin a good dog. Howard said he hopes that Sal doesn't get ruined when he gets his balls shocked.
Howard explained how Ferrall got the shock done on his ass and the strange noise he made when it happened. Fred played a Dice clip where he was choking to make it sound like the noise that Ferrall made. Fred then started to play the ''Aqualung'' clip that they played late in the show the other day throughout Robin's news. He said a lot of people thought it was a very funny bit.
Howard told a caller that his show will be available to stream starting in June. He said that if you are a SIRIUS subscriber, you will be able to listen at work or anywhere you can get the web. He said people will be able to log in through the SIRIUS web site or through HowardStern.com. The caller also asked when we're going to see the January and February shows on Howard TV On Demand. Howard said they're busy editing those shows already so they will get up there eventually.
Howard read more of the article about CBS' problems with their radio division. Their TV division is doing better but the radio division dragged them down. Some people think that CBS hiring Opie and Anthony is a good move and will help their ratings immediately.
Howard had an audio clip from Comedy Central's ''The Colbert Report'' where they talked about David Lee Roth. Howard said that CBS signed Roth on for a 3 year deal where they were going to pay him $8 million. It was a good deal for Roth and CBS knew what they were getting because they had auditioned him. Now the Colbert Report is ridiculing Roth. In the clip Steven Colbert says that they all saw that one coming. He then went on to goof on Roth saying that if you're only good at one thing, stick to that one thing.
The bit was running a bit long and there were a lot of visual jokes that they were missing out on. Howard just wanted the David Lee Roth stuff. Gary came in and said that JD had just told him about the visual jokes and also said that JD won't be walking down the red carpet with Robin tonight because of what went on earlier in the morning. Robin doesn't seem to care though.
Howard talked about the David Lee Roth thing a little more. He said that CBS is going to stick with Adam Carolla and Rover in some of the other markets around the country. After Howard left radio a lot of Spanish stations went way up in the ratings. He doesn't get how that happen, it doesn't make any sense to him. He also said that he's very happy to be out of that whole business with ratings.
Howard said that the FCC wasn't fining the Spanish stations that were broadcasting curse words in Spanish on their stations. That kind of double standard didn't fly with him. Howard said that some Spanish stations are bragging that they're beating Howard Stern in the ratings but he's gone! He's not there to beat.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard he's heard a Spanish station that's doing the same thing that Howard does but they do it in Spanish and no one says anything about it. Howard said he doesn't mind when they imitate him, he minds it when they don't get fined for cursing on the air. He said he had to take a break after that.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to take a nap before the Film Festival. Artie said he's not sure he'll have time to do that. He has to go back to Jersey to get his tux and get ready for the festival. Howard said that he's going to try and jump in on the Superfan Roundtable tonight so he'll be going to the after party.
Howard said that from 6-7 Howard 100 News will be covering the after party. Then Scott Ferrall will do his show for a couple of hours and then the Superfan Roundtable will run for an hour. After that Gary and Jon Hein will do a Wrap Up Show from the After Party. Howard had to finish up the commercial he was doing before getting back to the show.
Howard said that Sal and Richard called Alice and dicked around with her. Sal called and said that he was from Human Resources at SIRIUS. He said that they don't allow racist content and they may have to remove her subscription. Then he called her a crazy bitch which set her off. She started yelling at him and calling him names. Richard then got on and pretended to be Sal's supervisor. Richard asked her if she would like to file a complaint against the other guy. She said that she would and then Richard got her all pissed off at him when he started calling her names. She went off on him and hung up on them.
Wendy the Retard has left some voice mail messages and she sounded drunk to him. He played one clip where she had to go pee and stayed on the phone as she went. She didn't put the phone where we could hear her peeing but we did hear the flush. Wendy was complaining about her pants not fitting very well after she washed her hands. Robin found that a little odd that she pulled up her pants after washing her hands.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who asked Howard why he can't find audio clips and has to ask Gary to find them for him. Howard told him that he's busy running a radio show and Gary has time to look at the pages, that's why he asks for his help.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that his ticket to the Film Festival but it says that the ticket doesn't guarantee entry. Howard told him that just means that they'll have a list of names for the invited people and if you sell your tickets or give them away, those people won't get in. Howard told the guy he may be able to hook up with some chicks at the party and Bubba may be shocking the puss there.
Howard wrapped up with Lisa and asked Gary what's going on with this Thalidomide comic that was coming in. Gary came in and said that Richard wanted to come in and show them his erection because Bubba the Love Sponge had given him some Cialis. Howard had Bubba come in and told him he's nuts. He had dropped off some Cialis and Viagra for Gary before he came in the studio.
Richard came in with half of an erection. He said that the walk down the hall kind of knocked it down. Robin said that he had a respectable size down there. Bubba was telling him to go beat it on Robin's booth glass. Bubba said that Howard has an even gayer show than he does. Richard said he might have to tug on his junk to get it hard again. Howard told him to just put it away already.
Richard is going to get his balls shocked on the show today so Howard told Bubba to just get into it and shock his balls. Bubba said he'd have to hook him up first. Last night he had Ralph on the show and was screwing around with the shock collar playing Shock Gladiator and Ralph managed to blind side him and shocked him on his chest. Bubba's producer Brent has a mark on his arm from where the shock collar got him. Bubba said that he's got a couple of marks on his body too. He showed them to Howard and Howard said he thinks that thing could kill someone.
Bubba said that when you ''shock the puss'' it doesn't kill anyone, it just makes their puss a little swollen for a while. Howard asked Bubba if he wanted to meet the Thalidomide Comic. Bubba had no idea what Thalidomide was so Howard explained what it was. It was a drug that was given to women many years ago for morning sickness and it ended up creating birth defects. He had Paul the Thalidomide Comic come in after that.
Paul told Howard that he can still get laid and actually got divorced because he wanted to go out and experiment. He said that he's now a single dad with two great kids. He had to fight for them and she just gave in and gave them to him.
Gary told Howard that Paul has a twin brother and he's got the same problems. He also said that the family went to sue the drug company but they had to settle for a mere $10,000. Howard asked Paul what else this drug did to him. Paul said that the Germans came up with the drug because they were experimenting with it and managed to give him a huge dick. Howard wanted to see it but Paul said that wasn't going to happen.
Howard asked Paul about his act and Paul told him about how he's been doing it for a couple of years now. He said that he's playing some clubs up in Canada since that's where he's from. He also said that he was able to get laid for the first time at 16. He said that he's got a penis that's 12 1/4'' long. Bubba said he can't throw that out there and not show it. He told him to pull down his pants because he wants to see it.
Bubba had a couple of hot chicks there and he'd hook him up with whatever he needs to get erect. He's got the Cialis and Viagra as well as the hot chicks. He said that they could stick him in a back room and have one of the girls measure him instead. Paul said he'd like to keep his day job so he'd rather not show it. He works on a school board somewhere. Richard was in the studio so Howard told him to show Paul the size of his dick. Paul said that when he's soft he's about that size but it expands from there.
Howard changed the subject and asked Paul more about the Thalidomide thing. Paul said that Howard seems to be the only guy who still talked about Thalidomide. He said he would listen to the show and hear Howard talking to dwarves about whether or not they were Thalidomide babies or something. Paul said that he heard that there were no Thalidomide babies in the U.S. because the USDA didn't allow it in before it was tested.
Howard gave Paul a plug for the web site Thalidomide.ca web site and spent a couple more minutes talking to Paul. Paul said that his mother only took about 7 pills during her pregnancy and other women took more and really screwed up their kids.
Howard had Paul tell a joke but the joke he told was a visual joke about how he's just the right height for a woman. He said that he does a lot of jokes like that. Howard wrapped up with him and went to break after that.
Brent was telling Howard that they learned that JD likes to watch gay porn. Howard heard that Ronnie was pushing Dan the Song Parody Man out of the halls because Bubba didn't want him there. Bubba told Howard that Dan pulled a big star thing on him one day recently. He was going to have a couple of guys get sucked off by this I Heart NY chick and he demanded that he was going to go first.
Bubba said that he and his crew are going to be dressed very creatively for the Film Festival tonight. They're going to be dressed like people from the 70s. Brent said that he's looking forward to seeing these movies. Bubba said that he'll be one of the judges for the staff films. Robin told him that they can hang out a lot at the party tonight if her film wins. Bubba said that he can be swayed pretty easy by those big black tits of hers.
Howard asked Bubba about his girlfriend and how he met her. Brent said that he met her back stage at a concert one year. Bubba didn't want him saying that because it made it sound like she was a groupie or something. Bubba said it took a couple of months before he banged her but he did oral and stuck the tip in before that. Howard heard his description of that night and it sounded like date rape to him. Bubba said he did a month of sticking the tip in before he got it in all the way.
Bubba said that he would let Mr. X screw his girlfriend if he could have Robin for one night. Robin told Bubba that Mr. X is even bigger than Richard Christy was. Artie told Bubba he could probably get her with just his vote in the Film Festival. Bubba was shaking his pill box with the Cialis and stuff in it. He calls it ''the rattler.'' Robin said that Bubba brags about not smoking pot but he uses Cialis, Viagra and things like that.
Gary told Howard that Bubba had given him some Cialis and Viagra and some other pills that could help him out if he had problems with premature ejaculation. Gary said he doesn't need those.
Sal and Richard came in ready to get their balls shocked and everyone was laughing their asses off. Richard came in erect because he had taken a Cialis earlier in the morning. Richard said he'll probably have to pleasure himself after the show today.
Howard said he doesn't get the shocking thing and it could kill one of these guys. Bubba said that they won't die from it and it's not that dangerous. They're going to duct tape the shockers to Sal and Richard's balls and then they're going to play Shock Collar Chicken. Richard was putting his penis on Bubba's hand as he was taping the electrodes to his balls. Sal was in his Captain Sack outfit according to Robin. Howard said that Richard was nude except for his Fez and Simpsons underwear down around his ankles.
Howard told the two guys they were both nuts. Richard tried to rub his penis on Gary's hand so Gary told him not to do that again and he was serious about that. Meanwhile Bubba was duct taping the electrodes to Sal who said that he had just smashed his balls. Gary said that Sal's balls are really hairy so the duct tape is going to hurt when it gets pulled off.
Howard turned the show over to Bubba and let him handle the shocking. Bubba got a control word from the guys so he knows when to stop. He's going to go back and forth with them and play Shock Collar Chicken until someone backs out. Robin is going to take away the loser's invitation to her party. The winner gets to go.
Bubba started in and gave Richard just one shock. Richard let out a yell like we've never heard before. Sal said that he was sweating like a race horse after seeing that. Richard said it felt like someone was hanging from his balls. Bubba then shocked Sal's balls and he screamed for a few seconds and said it felt like a switch blade being stuck in his balls. Bubba kept shocking him so Sal said he was about to pass out from the pain. Artie took control of the button but he wasn't able to shock Richard. Richard was begging him to stop.
Howard said he couldn't push that button either. Gary said that Richard had taken two shocks so they had to give Sal another one to make it even. Sal said he would take it but he had to give him a second to relax. Howard told Bubba that he's nuts. Bubba shocked Sal one more time and Sal ripped the thing out of the hand held unit that Bubba had. Bubba then zapped Richard again. Bubba then gave Richard control of the shocker and let him shock himself.
Ralph called in and told Howard that he should give it a try just to feel how bad it is. Bubba said that he had given him the full 8 zap from the machine so it was at almost full power. Sal offered to take one more zap if Robin was going to invite him to her party. She told him he could come if he did it that one more time. Howard asked Richard how long he thinks he could do it on himself. Richard said maybe 4 or 5 seconds.
Sal said that he could do the one more shock so he got ready to do that. Richard was trying to take his shockers off but the tape was sticking to the hair on his balls. Bubba went over and just yanked it off. Richard then shocked Sal's balls with the shocker. Sal wanted to get out of the studio because his balls had been fried. Things were getting a little crazy in the studio so Howard had to settle them down. He said that both of them are going to Robin's party.
Howard said that someone handed Sal the headphones and he thought that he was getting shocked again so he was shaking. Gary said that Sal was just standing there and shaking. Mike Gange came over and pulled some hair out of Sal's back so he let out another yelp.
Artie said that these guys couldn't be spies because they'd give right in if they were going to be tortured to get information out of them. Bubba said that they actually torture people on a rack down in their studio in Tampa. A caller told Howard that he's been shocked before and he knows how much it hurts. Gary said that these things leave marks on the guys so it's crazy.
Howard said that he's not really in control of these guys, it's SIRIUS that hired them so if they make them stop, it's not his fault. Howard said that this was the funniest thing he's seen though. Richard said that he feels very energized after all of that.
Howard had the guys bring in the girls who wanted to come in but he didn't want to have Bubba shocking their puss. Bubba said they already convinced them to do it though. One of the girls was wearing a shirt that said ''Howard Shocked My Puss.'' The girls, Akira and Jess both work at the Hustler club in New York City. Gary wanted to see how the shocker effects the girls but Howard wanted to see them on the Sybian. Richard recognized Jess from doing porn. She got a plug for her web site JessWakefield.com after that.
Jess said that she's seen the Sybian on his TV show but she's never tried it before. Howard had the girls get on the thing and told them to let them know what was going on. Gary made a suggestion and told the girls to go face to face on the Sybian. Howard said this gets them off the gay stuff and he appreciates that.
The girls took off their tops and Bubba told Akira to take off her panties. Howard told the girls to do whatever they wanted, they didn't have to take off their panties if they didn't want to. Gary took control of the Sybian and started them out slow. This was the first time two women have ridden the thing at the same time. The girls started to make out as Gary turned on the machine. Richard had his pants off so Howard told him he had to pull them back up. The girls said they could take another 20 percent so Gary turned it up more.
Howard told Gary to jack it up even more and the girls were moaning as it kept creeping up more and more. Gary had it up to 100 percent after just a short time. Bubba told the girls to kiss more. Howard asked them if it was happening yet for them. They said that it had so Howard had Gary turn it down so they could get off of the machine.
After the girls got off the Sybian Bubba wanted to shock them so they had to take a vote. Howard was the only one who didn't want to do it so everyone else won out and the girls were going to take the shock collar. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's the master and he loves the Sybian. He said he wanted to hear him shock Bubba's balls. Howard said he's afraid of that thing though. He said that it leaves a mark on people so the girls said that they would take it easy.
The girls were nervous about getting shocked but Gary said that they had just been on the Sybian at 100 percent and also had the thing on 80 percent rotation so that was pretty intense. One of the girls said that she's a real pussy when it comes to pain and it couldn't be that bad. She told the guys to turn the shock thing on to the lowest setting. Gary said the lowest was 8 but they knew better.
Bubba counted down and shocked Jess who let out a yelp. She said it wasn't that painful, it was just surprising. Howard said she almost hit the ceiling though. Bubba tried to shock Akira but she wasn't effected as much as Jess was. He tried again and had her screaming out in pain. She started to cry after that because it hurt so much. She said she never wants to feel like that again. Howard had the girls take the stuff off since they weren't into it.
After the girls were done Howard let them get some plugs. Bubba was smelling the Shock the Puss devices as the girls were getting in their plugs. He let the other guys smell them as well. The girls will also be going to the Film Festival tonight.
Bubba said that one of the girls has a sugar daddy who was giving her like five grand a month and not getting anything out of her. Bubba figures he's a loser if he's not getting any pussy. She told the guys that he was in his 40s and she's into older guys anyway. Akira said that she doesn't have her own web site yet but she will have one soon. You can check her out on Jess' web site for now.
Howard asked Akira about her sex life and found out that she was a good girl when she was younger. She said that a guy took her virginity on a bathroom floor at a party she went to. She said that she'll do just about anything to a guy these days. She won't shit on guys though, she said that's one thing she refuses to do. Howard wrapped up with everyone and went to break a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was drooling on himself as he was listening to this show today. The guy also said that he should have the biggest shit eating grin on his face in every picture he takes because he's so lucky he gets to do this stuff. Howard was watching the footage of the guys getting shocked while he was talking to him so he had to ask them to stop playing it because it was so distracting.
Bobo called in and said that this was the greatest show ever and both Richard and Sal should be invited to every party that they have in the future. Howard tried to take another call but he was distracted because there's a lot of stuff going on out in the hall. There was some controversy with Ronnie kicking people out of the halls and stuff.
Ronnie came in and told Benjy to mind his business because he was talking about what he heard. Howard said that he told Ronnie that he has to keep the halls clear and he's going to have a talk with Tim Sabean about all of the people who are wandering the halls. Ronnie said that Dan the Song Parody Man was there and he didn't clear it with Gary. Gary said that he comes up sometimes and he spends too much time in other people's space. Gary said that there are just too many people out in the hall. He said they were actually giving tours of the studios while the show is going on and that's not cool.
Howard said that Tim lines up about 50 people for him to meet after the show and he can't do that. Ronnie said that Steve Langford was giving him a hard time about being kicked out and kind of threatened him so that's not cool either.
Howard had the guys in the control room show some of the video to Richard as Sal and Richard Christy were getting their balls shocked. Richard said he's going to be wearing a suit tonight, not a tux like Howard and the crew will be wearing. Howard told him he might be under dressed because they've asked the audience to get dressed up as well.
Howard said that they have Sam Simon, director Todd Phillips and Richard Belzer coming in to add some legitimacy to the film festival tonight. Richard said that Todd Phillips has made some good movies including Old School which Artie was in. Richard said he's looking forward to seeing Artie's movie ''Beer League'' later this year. Artie said that he doesn't care if the critics like his movie or not. He said that it doesn't matter to him if they do or not. He figures they won't like it because of the goofy jokes he has in the movie. It's blue collar, low brow humor according to Artie.
Richard said that Howard's movie got good reviews and films like that do get good reviews sometimes. Tonight they'll have the trailer for Artie's movie so Richard will get to see that tonight. Howard said that they're going to have some great prizes for the winner tonight and at most film festivals, people have to pay to have their movies entered in film festivals.
Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard about some of the news crews that were going to be at the film festival tonight and there are a lot of legitimate people who are going to be there. Howard said he's going to be talking to a lot of them and wants to make sure that this becomes an annual event. They have many of the evening entertainment shows, MTV, G4 and many other news teams coming in to cover the event. Howard said that the winner gets $30,000 in cash and prizes tonight. Doug said that they have other prizes for second and third places as well.
Howard made a suggestion for the festival and asked Doug to slip in that clip of Sal getting his balls shocked sometime tonight. Doug said he could make that happen. Howard said that they have a picture up on HowardStern.com of Sal getting shocked and it's pretty funny. Doug said he's never laughed so hard at something on the show than when they were getting shocked.
Richard said that his girlfriend will be flying in this afternoon to go with him to the show. Howard said that proves he's not gay. Richard let Howard know that Ebert and Roeper got picked up for another season, the 7th season. He said that people still come up to him and tell him that they love him on Siskel and Ebert.
Richard's girlfriend is only 23 years old, half his age, so Howard told him that was disgusting. He said that 19 years difference should be the cut off. Howard asked Richard what's coming out this summer. The new Superman movie is coming out and Howard thinks that it's going to suck. Richard said that it's supposed to be ''The summer movie'' though.
Howard thinks that the sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean will fail. Richard said that the first one went on way too long and he gave it a thumbs down. He said that they filmed two sequels back to back so there will be one this summer and one next summer. There was too much of it in the first one according to Richard.
Howard asked Richard more about his 23 year old girlfriend and about how he met her. He said that someone actually introduced them. He said the sex is great and she's a beautiful girl. He said her parents didn't freak out when he met them. He said he could marry her some day but by the time she turns 30, he may be dead.
Artie told the guys that the name of his movie is actually going to be ''Artie Lange's Beer League.'' Richard said that the new studio is great. He hasn't had a tour yet so Howard told him he'd have Gary walk him around. They got back to the summer movies and talked about X-Men, Superman and some of the other stuff that's coming out.
Richard was also saying that he's not a big fan of Tom Cruise's Mission Impossible movies. He said he never gets what's going on in those movies. He's had a lot of hit movies though. Robin said that even though you hate the movies, you still want to go see them.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that the first Mission Impossible movie was great. Artie agrees with him and said that the second one sucked. Howard liked War of the Worlds but a lot of the other guys didn't. Howard said that he liked the first couple of X-Men movies and he's hoping that the new one will be good. Ralph said that the new Superman outfit looks kind of gay. Howard agreed with that as well.
Howard said that he's looking forward to the new Spider-Man movie because they're going to have Venom and Sandman as the villains. That got Howard talking about Venom and explained to the guys who Venom is and how he has a black Spider-Man outfit. Ralph and Howard were arguing about how Venom got the black Spider-Man outfit. Richard said that if someone is tuning in for the first time right then, they're going to thing they're listening to the Loser Geek channel, not Howard 100.
Howard read Richard's top 10 list and said that he doesn't want to see many of the movies that are on the list. He also asked Richard about ''Flight 93.'' Richard said that it's almost like a documentary and it's good but some people may not want to relive that whole thing. Howard brought up the movie ''Munich'' and said he has no desire to see another Spielberg movie about Jews being killed.
Howard asked if everyone in the studio was going to go see ''Flight 93'' and a few of the guys said they will see it. Robin said she will go to see it after reading the reviews she's seen. Howard went on to read some of Richard's 10 worst movies. They spent a couple of minutes talking about how horrible Ashton Kutcher's movies are after Howard brought up the movie ''Guess Who.'' The number one worst movie on his list was Dukes of Hazard. Robin said that movie was so bad it shouldn't even be considered a movie. Richard said that he would have rather had his balls shocked than go see that movie.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who suggested using the picture of Sal getting his balls shocked as the trophy for next year. Another guy told Richard that the thumbs up and down is the lamest way to review a movie because you don't get a real idea of how bad or good a movie is.
Angry Black called in and told Howard that Beth should not do Dancing with the Stars because 6 weeks is too much time away from Howard. He also brought up the comic books that Howard was talking about but Howard realized how boring those discussions were so he hung up on him.
Howard took another call from High Pitch Eric who said that he had a bone to pick with Richard because he called him a bad actor. Howard told him he can take that up with him at the Film Festival tonight. Eric said he'll be in a tux tonight, he got measured and everything. He says he'll be wearing a size 56 jacket. Howard wrapped up with Richard a short time later and went to break.
He said he had Mike Walker on the phone and wanted to talk gossip with him. He told Mike that he's got to come in and get his balls shocked sometime so he knows what that's like. Howard was having some trouble with Mike's levels so he asked the guys to turn it up.
Howard read a story about Heather Locklear and Denise Richards and wondered who is crazier. Denise has been going out with Heather's ex Richie Sambora. He said that Denise may have prompted Heather to divorce Richie and now she's dating Richie. Mike added to the story and said that something went on there because they were best friends and now they're not. The question is if Denise was doing Richie before Heather broke it off with him.
Howard asked Mike if he thinks that Denise is weirder than Charlie Sheen. Mike said that Charlie is a whack job and she knew what she was getting into with him when she married him. Howard read that Heather was so close with Denise that she invited her among only 5 other women to a party she had last year. Mike said that Denise is a very strange chick who is like a ticking time bomb.
Howard said that Denise was in Starship Troopers which was one of his favorite movies of all time. He said he watched that movie about 50 times. Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said he heard that there was an article in the paper about a woman who claims he hit on her when he was working at WCCC in Hartford. Howard said if that's true, he'd like to get the woman on the air to prove her claims. He said he was so devoted to his wife that he didn't hit on anyone back then.
Double A called back and said that he doesn't have the ticket that they claim he got. He said he wants to know what he has to do to get in tonight. Howard told him that he may be able to get in without a ticket but Doug thinks that he's lying about not getting the ticket. Doug said that he's been begging and begging to get his girl in tonight and that's what he thinks he's doing. Doug said that he'll make sure he gets in... That's the most important thing he has to deal with tonight. Doug wants people to just take their ticket, enjoy the show and leave them alone.
Robin said she just learned that her driver just got 2 tickets and she was shocked when she heard that. Doug said he thought that came directly from her but that wasn't the case.
Howard went to Jon Hein who gave them a rundown of what they had coming up on The Wrap Up Show. Jon will also be doing a Wrap Up Show at 10 tonight during the After Party. He mentioned the stuff they'll be talking about on this morning's Wrap Up Show. Bubba and Brent will be on with them. Gary said that they have a really strange press request from the Rita Cosby Show. She wants to drive over with Howard in his limo on the way to the Film Festival. Howard said that he will do it if Dan Clores approves it.
Jon said they'll be talking to JD about his review of Robin's movie. They'll also talk to Ronnie about his rules out in the hallways of the Howard Stern Show. Howard wants the camera guys to cover what goes on out there. Scott let Howard know that they have audio of Ronnie yelling at Dan the Song Parody Man out in the hall earlier. Howard played the clip where Ronnie told Dan to go wait outside and Dan kind of refused. He didn't know why Ronnie was making such a big deal out of the whole thing.
Ronnie told Dan he was trying to explain the rules to him and he wasn't hearing them. Dan said that Ronnie was the one who wasn't hearing him. Ronnie wanted to get Tim Sabean involved but Dan didn't seem to care about that. Gary said that Dan was there to get his tickets from Doug Goodstein and he told him not to stick around but he didn't listen.
Gary said that Sal came into his office and said he didn't want to creep him out. He told him that maybe he and Richard could hang with Howard before the film festival and maybe ride over in his limo. Gary said that Howard doesn't want to hang out with them. Howard told them that he doesn't want to hang out with those two guys before the festival. He'll hang out with them there. Howard said he wants to nap and then show up at the festival. Sal said he feels bad for Howard, Beth is away and he might be lonely. Howard said he has some time for himself, he's not that lonely.
Sal said that he's sorry that he got caught jerking off there because today would have been one of the days that he'd throw off a batch because the Asian chick was so hot earlier. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Artie said he was in the room when JD told Sal and Richard about what he saw and he didn't really bash it. Robin told him to shut up too because she didn't want anyone talking about the movie anymore.
A little later on Howard played some audio of Mike Walker shortly before he got on the air breathing very heavy into the microphone. Howard thinks that he might be in trouble if his breathing is that heavy. It sounded like a hurricane to him.
Artie said that the Asian chick, Akira, came up to him during the break earlier and said that she saw him doing his stand-up act one time where he was talking about shitting his pants while he was on heroin... Then she asked him if she could have a picture of him. He thought that was kind of funny.
Howard said that his film is only a little over a minute long. Artie said his is like a minute and 30 seconds too. Howard said that his movie, ''Fred,'' is actually kind of creepy and it hits you after you've watched it. Howard said it may or may not be about Fred. It could actually be ''For Robin... E. D.'' He said that the ED could stand for something but he wasn't giving it out.
Ralph asked Howard if they're going to start drinking at 5 tonight. Howard said that Ralph was busy over at his apartment yesterday using the microwave five minutes after he got there. Artie asked if he can get away with not wearing his bow tie with his tux. Howard told him to just wear the tie and stop trying to be such a rebel. Artie said he hates wearing bow ties because they're so uncomfortable.
Howard told Ralph to just come over, dress him and then leave. He said some people in New York have mice, he has Ralph. He can't get rid of him. Howard was wondering what he's going to eat for dinner. He didn't have any plans and he wasn't sure if there would be anything at the After Party. Gary came in and said that they're only having hours deurves at the party. Gary said he's going to have a couple slices of pizza at about 5:45 tonight.
Howard and Ralph spent a minute talking about Ralph's visit to Bubba's show yesterday. Ralph said that the shocker made him bleed because it was so intense. Howard wondered how Richard and Sal could take the shock on their balls then. Sal came in and said it looks like he has a rug burn on his balls from that thing. Richard said that he had a couple of marks on his balls too. Howard noticed that Richard had really red lips after taking that Cialis stuff earlier in the morning. Richard said that he feels kind of strange now.
Howard said that he thinks that the shocking show will be the most watched and paused show on Howard TV. He had the guys play some of that for Ralph so he could see it. He saw Sal getting shocked so he wanted to see Richard's too. They showed that and Richard thought it was kind of funny how they had a strobe light in the studio while they were getting shocked. Howard said he still laughs every time he sees Sal getting shocked. He told Ralph how Bubba ripped the duct tape off of Sal's balls when Sal wanted to get out of it.
Richard said that Sal should be hooked up to that shocker and Howard should put up an electronic fence around his apartment. The In Demand guys were playing more of the clips from the shocking so Howard described what was going on and said that the stuff will be available on Howard Stern On Demand tomorrow night sometime. He asked Ralph what it would cost to get that thing hooked up to his balls. Ralph said it would cost a lot of money.
Sal did the shocking to get into Robin's party but he just found out that he has to go to a Christening that day and he won't be able to make it. Sal said he can't get out of that and he's really bummed. Robin told him that this could have broken the ice with Howard and maybe Howard would eventually have him over to his apartment after seeing that he could behave at her party. Howard said that Sal got his balls shocked to go see a kid eat a cracker.
Howard said hello to Bubba's girlfriend Heather who has been with him for about 3 years. Howard asked her if she knows what Bubba does for a living. She said she does and she doesn't seem to mind it. She said she thinks that he's an incredibly creative person. She said she once tried the shock collar on her arm and she thought that the shocking the puss thing was a good idea.
Brent and Bubba talked about the old days when they would shock people on stage at clubs they were working at. Robin asked Heather if it's true that Bubba is great at oral sex. She said that is true and he can make her squirt. She couldn't believe that she was talking about that stuff on the air. Howard asked her how she met Bubba so she filled him in on that. Howard wondered if she could handle being married to him when he's got a job like he does. She said she could handle it.
Bubba told Howard that Heather is a freak. She may not look like one but she is. Howard asked her what offends her the most about what Bubba does. She said she would rather not say what it is. Bubba said that she does complain about some stuff like when he has some hot whores in the studio.
Howard showed the guys some video of the girls getting their puss shocked from earlier in the show. Ralph hadn't seen it yet so it was new to him. Howard wondered if Bubba and Brent would get their women together. Bubba said he had to draw the line at that, he doesn't want to mess things up with Brent because they have to work together.
Gary told Howard that Bubba's girlfriend has a huge rock on her finger so he checked that out. It was a 5 carat diamond in the middle and a 4 on the side so it was about $108,000. Howard wrapped up the show after that and said that he'd see the girls at the party tonight.
Ronnie came in and told Howard that Bubba's girl has really nice tits. He got to see them when he was on Bubba's show one time. By this time it was 11:50 in the morning so the Wrap Up Show wasn't going to happen. Howard ended it a short time later.
Coverage began last night at around 6pm with the Howard 100 News team covering the red carpet at The Howard Stern Film Festival. George Flowers and Ralph Howard reported on what was going on down at the Hudson Theater. Steve Langford was there live talking about the other news teams that were there covering the event. Lisa G and Shuli were going around interviewing the staff as they entered the event. They all talked about what they were expecting from the film festival.
Artie showed up in corduroy pants, a black shirt and a sport coat. His tux apparently didn't fit when he went to pick it up. He was also drinking last night.
Red Peters visited the Howard 100 News studio and spoke to George and Ralph about the song he was going to be performing at the Film Festival. After Red visited we heard about some of the finalists in the festival. Michelle Jerson had interviewed each of them so they played some of her reports.
Lisa G and Shuli spoke to Yucko the Clown as he was entering the event. He was wearing his clown outfit and a tux t-shirt. Lisa Lampanelli came in after Yucko so Shuli and Lisa spoke to her for a few seconds. Then Robin Quivers passed them and spent a short time talking about what she was wearing.
Richard Belzer showed up at the Film Festival so Shuli and Lisa spoke to him for a short time. Belz said he was flattered to be asked to be a judge. He was also featured in a pre-recorded segment that they played shortly after the live interview. In that pre-recorded segment a few of the judges were profiled and interviewed.
In another pre-recorded segment, Penny Crone did a report about Artie Lange who was on his way to getting ready for the big event.
Lisa G spoke to Doug Goodstein as he was bringing in the awards that were going to be given to the winners. Ralph made his way over to them a short time later. They tried to get over to Howard but he was busy talking to Jon Hein and Howard TV. They had to throw it back to George and Ralph because Howard wasn't making his way over to them fast enough.
Shuli and Lisa finally got to Howard and spoke to him for a short time. Howard said he never thought he'd have a film festival. He was actually escorted in by police escort. He was also saying that people are very excited about the festival. Howard said that most film festivals make people pay to enter them, his is different because they offer cash and prizes for the winners. He moved on a short time later so Shuli and Lisa threw it back to George and Ralph.
They played a couple more of Michelle Jerson's profiles of the finalists. Then Shuli and Lisa spoke to some of the Whack Packers like Double A, High Pitch Eric and Mariann from Brooklyn. Mr. Skin was also there so he spoke to Shuli and Lisa for a few seconds. George and Ralph then turned it over to Steve Langford who talked about how it looked like a Hollywood premiere to him but it was more like a family get together than a fake Hollywood event. George and Ralph wrapped it up after that.
The guys picked the movies that they thought were going to win. They all knew that the winner was going to be ''Radio Play'' because of the response he got from the crowd after they showed it. They described some of the other entries that were very good.
The crew spent some time talking about how great ''Radio Play'' was. There was another one called ''Fruit Salad'' which was a great documentary about how this guy had scammed JD from the Stern Show. Another one, ''Mating Call,'' was about gay guys farting as mating calls. ''Tito Stern'' was about one of Howard's puppets that was left behind by Howard when he was a child. ''No Signal'' was another one that the guys liked and spent some time talking about. ''Degrading Henry'' was another film that was a goof on the ass rape of Henry Hill and how that all came about.
''Stern Revenge'' was a movie that was added at the last minute. It was another great one but King thought it was going too far back in Stern Show History for him. It was based on Howard f'ing the skull of Mancow's father so that's why he thought it had gone back too far.
Gary Dell'Abate showed up so Mutt and the guys asked him who actually won the festival. Gary told them that ''Radio Play'' was the winner, ''Stern Revenge'' came in second and ''Fruit Salad'' came in third. Gary also told them about the staff film winners and how Sal's didn't win even though it was probably the best out of them all. Robin and Fred's movie won but she handed her prize to Sal because she felt he had done the best job.
Jon Hein came in and told the guys that they were going to be doing a Wrap Up Show after the Superfan Roundtable. Jon was saying that the finalist's movies were amazing.
Mutt and the guys talked about the technical problems that they had at the event. Mr. Skin also showed up so the guys asked him some questions about the event. He picked out the breast shots he saw during the event. That led to them talking about Artie's ''Beer League'' trailer and how great that looked.
Red Peters performed a song there at the film festival so he stopped by the Roundtable show. Zolar pointed out that Red had a cheat sheet for the song. He performed another song for them as they were taking their first commercial break.
JD showed up after the break as did Matt Street who was the guy who did the documentary where he fooled JD into thinking he was a woman. He came in third place in the festival and said that he had no experience in the film industry at all. The guys spent a few minutes talking to Matt about his movie. Zolar was kind of goofing on the guy so Christine kept telling him to stop with that.
The show was moving quickly so they were whipping through guests and subjects for discussion. They moved on to talk about the staff films. Then they spoke to another one of the film festival finalists, Jimmy Gonzalez, who created ''Blood on the Tissues.'' Mutt asked him what he thought about the staff films. Jimmy said he thought JD's film about ''The Three Faces of Ronnie'' was the best of the staff films. They wrapped up with him a short time later.
Mutt asked the guys if they thought that Robin and Fred's film was worth the five grand they spent on it. No one seemed to think it was worth the money. Everyone liked Sal's movie about ''Robin's Nervous Meat and Vegetables.'' The movie that Richard entered which was a power walking story. Benjy played the part of the power walker. The guys thought that one was dragging on a little too long. King of All Blacks thought that Benjy was brilliant though.
Tim Sabean stopped by and said he thought the night was incredible. King said that there were a lot of people out on the street hanging out so that was a good sign.
Craig Gass stopped by a short time later and did his Sam Kinison impression for the guys. Things were getting a little out of hand so Mutt had to quiet everyone down. He asked Craig what he thought about the staff films. Craig said he thought JD's film was great. He also said that Sal's was great. Craig got a little distracted by Lori and Christine who were showing some boob in their dresses so the guys spent a minute talking about that.
Robin Quivers showed up at the party so she came in and said hello to everyone. She had never been on the show before and said that she thought that they didn't want her on there. No one knew what she was talking about. Mutt got a kiss from Robin when she came by. Robin told the guys that she thought that all of the finalists were good but ''Radio Play'' was definitely the best of the bunch. Mutt asked her about why she gave Sal her prize after she won the staff movie pick. She said that Sal's movie made her laugh more than her own movie did so she thought that he deserved it.
Robin said that in Sal's movie, he made himself up to look like he was black but didn't shave his legs down so it appeared as if she had hairy legs. King told Robin that he was mesmerized by Robin's legs while she was on stage at the event. Mutt said he had to wrap up the show and move on so they went to commercial break.
Richard Roeper was there so Jon and the guys talked to him about how much fun he appeared to be having there at the festival. Gary explained what went on at the festival and how having Richard Roeper there made it a ''real'' film festival to him.
Jon Hein said that the films were great too and he was really amazed at how great ''Radio Play'' turned out to be. Richard said that they did take it seriously and he believes that he and Roger Ebert will be reviewing feature length movies from some of those finalists in the future. All of the guys thought that ''Radio Play'' was great and spent some time talking about it. They loved the kids who played the parts of Howard, Robin and Fred. They were all very natural in their parts and the director picked up on a lot of personality traits for each of them.
Jon had the guys move on to the staff films. He said that they'll all be available on Howard TV On Demand by Friday night. Gary interrupted that to talk about the great movie ''Fruit Salad'' which was great. Artie showed up a short time later and explained why he wasn't wearing the tux that he was supposed to have been wearing. He said that he tried to get a tux but it didn't fit so he showed up in his jacket and corduroy pants.
Gary told Artie that he was sorry for making him come on stage when they were having technical problems and telling people that he was going to be funny. He felt that was wrong for him to do that to him but Artie didn't seem to mind it.
Jon brought up some of the other staff movies like Robin and Fred's ''Trans-Siobhan America'' which won the staff film award. Robin said that her film wasn't the worst of the festival but Sal's movie got so many laughs that she knew it was a crowd favorite. That's why she gave the award to Sal even though she had won. Jon had to go to break after that.
Gary said that Robin's movie actually came out better than he thought it was going to. He said that Siobhan was actually a pretty good actor. Penny Crone appeared in her movie as well and Robin said that she was tough to work with.
Howard showed up and said that his voice was shot and he wasn't able to hear a thing in there at the party. He told the guys that he thinks that Ralph's film should have won because it was funny and quick. It was a joke but Robin didn't think it made a film. Howard said that there was a documentary made many years ago where there were credits that ran for about 10 minutes and that was kind of what Ralph's film was. Ralph thanked him for that and said that Richard Roeper told him that it should have been in the top 2 or 3 in the staff films.
Howard also thought that the farting movie (The Mating Call) should have placed higher in the fan entries. He said that the ''Radio Play'' movie was great as well and when people see it On Demand, they will agree. All three of the final movies were great and people will be able to see them on Howard TV On Demand.
Gary asked Howard about his movie ''Fred'' and if he actually did any work on it. He said that he came up with the idea and told Doug Goodstein to put something together for him that he could just show quickly. He said that after seeing the festival, he will work harder on one for the next film festival. Howard said he thought that Sal's movie should have placed higher than it did. Richard Roeper said that it could have had something to do with Richard Belzer and Todd Phillips not getting it like the other guys did.
Gary asked Howard if Doug Goodstein's movie deserved to be tied for first place. Howard interrupted and said that Joe Francis was there and he was with a girl who was really hot. Scott Ferrall showed up so Howard spoke to him for a few seconds. Scott showed off his wife ''34-C'' so Howard spoke to her for a short time as well. Ferrall asked Howard what he thought about Bubba shocking his rectum. Howard said he put Bubba up to that. Ferrall said it was just like another day at home for him. He said he actually enjoyed those shocks.
Gary had Howard look over his shoulder because Richard Roeper's girlfriend Annabelle was walking over. Howard spoke to her a little bit and also said that Richard's comments during the show really helped save the day. He spoke to Annabelle about how she met Richard Roeper. She said that she didn't really know who he was when she met him. The guys asked when he actually told her who he was. She said it was within a couple of minutes of meeting her. She said that she didn't sleep with him for a couple of months after meeting him. She was also saying that he's an older guy and it was more of a friendship when she first met him.
Annabelle was saying that younger guys are a bit more selfish and Richard is better in bed than a younger guy would be. Howard told her that Richard told him on the radio earlier in the day that they had nothing in common so they didn't talk much. Richard denied saying that and turned it on Howard saying that he said it about Beth. Annabelle said that her family was kind of upset with her at first but now that they know she's happy, they're fine with it. Howard asked her if she would start a family right then, would she do it. Gary asked her what she'd say if he asked her to marry him today. She said she'd have to think about it.
Howard asked Annabelle if she would ever bring home other chicks for Richard. She said that she has already done that. Richard had no comment about that. Richard said he has no interest in any other woman, he's got her. Annabelle said that the other woman was more interested in her than she was in Richard so the two of them were competing for her. It didn't work out that well. Howard told Annabelle that he has to talk to her in the studio sometime because she's a great interview. Howard told her that she was six thumbs up and that he'd like to stick his thumbs way up. She told Howard that she only wants Richard's thumbs though.
Howard saw Gary the Retard out in the crowd so he spoke to him for a few seconds. Robin was getting up to leave so she was going to let Howard sit down. He wanted her to stay but she wanted to leave the party so that's what she did.
Howard wanted to bring in some hot chicks. One woman stopped by and told him how much she appreciates his show. She thanked him and told him she loves him for that. Bubba the Love Sponge showed up so Howard talked to him as well. The Asian chick from the Shock the Puss segment from yesterday's show was there with Bubba and he said he might be bringing her home with him tonight. Bubba was also telling the guys that the other Asian chick was hot too. That was Richard Roeper's girlfriend, they already had her on the show. Howard and Bubba were going to go out and ''comb for puss'' out in the crowd but Jon said that Jim McClure from SIRIUS was going to go get some chicks.
The chick who got her puss shocked on Howard's show yesterday, Akira, came over to say hello to the guys. Her boobs were hanging out and the guys were going nuts over her. Jon said that she was incredible looking and all of the guys in the party were checking her out. She showed the guys her breasts even though she had some tape on them.
The guys were taking some drink orders and found out that Akira doesn't drink. Ralph said she just went down two points when he heard that. That led to Gary asking Howard if he's ever followed Ralph with a chick. Ralph said that Howard actually did follow him one time but it was weeks or months later.
Howard was getting tired so it sounded like he was getting ready to get out of there. He got his vodka a short time later. Akira was talking about being a dominatrix at one time and how she used to shock a guy's penis and used to fuck guys up the ass. The guys didn't understand that and said that there's something wrong with a guy if he takes it up the ass from her.
Akira said that she has peed on guys and stuff like that. The guys would ask her to pee in their mouths. She described how she and another woman peed in a wine glass one time and the guy jerked off into that and then drank it. Everyone let out an ''OHHHH!'' when they heard that. She said that she'll also let a guy do just about anything to her. She won't let them crap on her but that's about it.
Bubba asked Akira to keep her top off while they spoke to her. She did it even though she had the tape on there. Jon Hein was trying to keep things moving along but the guys were busy looking at her tits. Ralph said that they were perfect implants after she said that they were implants. Howard was still trying to find Joe Francis' girlfriend but that wasn't happening.
Howard said that he had to get out of there. Bubba thought that they were going to Scores so Akira asked why they never come to the Hustler Club. Howard told her that he's a Scores guy because he's been friends with Lonnie for a long time. She said she can't work there because there's more cash at the Hustler club. The guys spent some time talking to her about her stripping career and how she got involved in that. Howard got going after that and said he was going to go have some fun. Jon Hein went to commercial break after that.
Gary said that Richard Christy was really hammered so they talked to him about that. Richard said that he was drinking some vodka and got pretty smashed from that and the Heineken's that he was drinking as well. Gary asked him if he thinks that he'll puke tonight. Richard said that's a good possibility. Doug Goodstein said that if Richard pukes, he's going to puke right on him.
Gary asked Doug if he thinks that his movie was really a winning entry for the staff films. Doug said he thought it was good in a different way than the others were. Richard thought that Ralph's entry was actually very good. Doug said they just got it produced a few days ago. Ralph said he loves the movie and he's very happy with it. He and Scott DePace worked very hard on it over the weekend last week.
Jon said that Richard and Benjy's movie was a little controversial because it seemed as if it were over the 5 minute time. Richard said that they wanted to cut it down but Doug wouldn't do it. The guys went around the room and gave their picks for the best staff films.
Sam Simon came over and talked about the scores he gave to the staff films since he was one of the judges. He said that he was going to work on a film with Ralph and they actually wrote a script and story boarded it. He went away for a few days and when he came back Ralph wouldn't return his calls. It turns out that Ralph had gotten his new TV and wasn't returning calls. He had a great idea for a movie and he put it off so long that he blew it. Typical Ralph move. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
JD's father said that his son had told him ahead of time about that movie so he was prepared for it. He said he knows that JD isn't the only one who has been fooled like that before. JD said he would have laughed if it wasn't him in the movie. Jon said that Richard was laughing so hard that he was in tears. Richard said he doesn't think that he's ever laughed so hard at a movie before in his life. He loved the way the guy jerked him around.
Gary asked JD what he thought about his movie and it's chances to win. JD thought it was good but Ralph told him it was a little too long. They spent a few more minutes talking to JD and his father and then brought in Sal the Stockbroker.
Sal was sober so Richard said that's because his wife is there with him. Jon asked Sal if he thought that he should have won that night. Sal said he didn't think that he should have won, he thought he was just in the running with the rest of the movies. Sal's wife Christine came over and talked about her husband's movie. She thought he did a great job with it. Sal said he thought that Ralph's movie was great.
Gary was handed a note from Jim McClure who said that Sal was upset that he didn't get on the show until so late. He was also wondering if Howard had talked about his movie already. Gary asked Christine how she deals with Sal's neurosis. She said that he doesn't really go down that road at home so it doesn't come up that much. When it does she just tells him to calm down.
Gary said that Richard looked like he was about to pass out sitting there. Richard said he was just having a good time. The guys talked about how Sal was acting at the event by laughing at Howard's jokes and giving him a standing ovation the first time he walked out on stage.
Richard announced that he had to take a piss so they let him go. Ivy Supersonic came over a short time later. Gary explained who she is. She's a fashion designer who had some body painted girls there at the film festival. Ivy went on to tell a story about how she met Sam Simon at a party a couple of months ago. She talked about this cartoon character Sqrat that she claims she created back in 1999 that FOX allegedly stole from her. She met Sam at Howard's birthday party and Sam apparently told her that he wanted to help her put out her cartoon character out. She wondered if he just told her that to sleep with her... because she did sleep with him. She said that after she slept with him, she never heard from him again. She said that she went to his hotel that night and they had some fun.
Sal thought it was hilarious that Sam Simon, who has billions of dollars, slept with Ivy when he could be sleeping with Pam Anderson's kids if he wanted to. Ivy was saying that she may have insulted Sam when she told him that he doesn't have to tip people $100 everywhere he goes. The guys think that it's fine for Sam to spread his money around. Ivy said that Sam claimed that he liked her cartoon character idea and her tattoos.
Sal said that he heard that Ivy could have settled for $300,000 from FOX but she turned it down and ended up losing the case so she got nothing from them. Ivy said that the case is in appeal right now so it's not over yet.
Gary's wife Mary showed up so they booted Ivy out of there and had Mary sit down. She said that she wasn't drunk when Gary asked her about that. Gary asked her if he should take the Cialis that Bubba gave to him earlier in the morning. She told him that if it's going to take him a while to get it going, then maybe he should take it now. Mary told him that maybe he should take it when they go to bed at 10 instead of 1 in the morning.
The guys spent a few minutes talking to Mary about her life with Gary and about the stuff that went on during the film festival. Sal shared a few stories about hanging out with Gary and Mary. He went to Amsterdam with them and got to see Mary smoke pot and have a seizure afterward. Jon Hein wrapped up with everyone else and ended the show a short time later.