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| Friday | |
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Howard started off the show mentioning that they had comedian Rev. Bob Levy sitting in for the morning. Bob was going to be doing some writing and some speaking according to Howard. Bob was going to write notes and pass them along to Benjy to send them along to Howard.
Howard heard that Bob was back with his ex-wife. Bob said he's still in the basement but he has broken up with his girlfriend and is getting along with his wife now. Howard and Artie talked about how crazy his life is when it comes to that stuff. Gary said that Bob was at a party the other night and showed up with his ex-girlfriend. Bob said the only reason for that was because he left his suit at her house and he had to get it from her.
Bob said that he got into trouble with his girlfriend after he took his balls out back stage and someone caught it on tape, then sent it to her father. The guys talked about Bob about the act he does and how sometimes he'll eat blue cheese dressing from a woman's ass sometimes. Artie said he's not bothered by anything but he did have to pull Bob to the side one time and tell him that he had to calm down with that stuff because it was like following a rape when he went up on stage.
Artie told a story about doing a show with Yucko and Bob one time. Yucko was doing his really dirty act insulting everyone and using a big black dildo on stage. Then Bob did his act and ate blue cheese out of a woman's act. Artie then went up on stage and tripped over the dildo and slipped on the blue cheese dressing. Howard said Bob doesn't even really need to do stuff like that because he's got an act. Bob said he's kind of calmed down with that stuff lately.
Howard brought up Bob's ex-wife again and asked him about why he's back with her. Bob said that they're getting along right now so it's better than dating someone who ends up hating him. He said he thinks he has semen that turns them against him eventually.
Gary said he heard a story about Bob being called by his wife to come back to New Jersey to attend a school thing for his son when he was out in Las Vegas. She didn't tell him ahead of time that the event was coming up though so he had to fly home in the middle of that.
The guys asked Bob if he thinks that staying with his wife is going to help him financially. Bob said it will and he likes living in the basement, he's gotten used to it. Gary said that Bob used to have his ex-girlfriend over to his house since he was still living there. That's when things would get strange. Bob said he's probably got radon poisoning already from living in the basement.
Bob said he talked to his ex-wife about getting re-married after a year if things go well. He said she told him that she was going to go throw up after hearing that. That's the kind of effect he has on women. Howard said that Bob probably isn't going anywhere and will be living in that basement for a long time to come. Howard said that Bob got his name ''Reverend'' from Jackie Martling and he learned that on Howard 100 News.
Howard said they've been getting hassled over the way they're going to be taking Friday's off so they may as well work today. It's only their second week there so he figured they should work today even though they could have taken the day off.
Gary wasn't thinking when he scheduled today as the day for the revelations. Gary used the F-word when he said he messed up the schedule so Howard told him that he's not to curse anymore. Gary said he was just talking like he was having a conversation with Howard. Howard told him not to think like that and to talk to him like he's on regular radio. That led to him talking about this bit that Sal the Stockbroker came up with where he used the C-word for a woman about a hundred times and it just wasn't funny.
Howard played a new call that they set up between Gary the Retard, Wendy the Retard and Daniel Carver. They all talked about Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Gary and Daniel were both getting very racist and talking about how it's not a real holiday. Gary was throwing around the N-word as if he were part of the KKK himself. Gary also called Wendy a ''fat pig'' at one point. Howard had to take a break as short time later.
Howard asked Robin who was voted off of Dancing with the Stars on the last show because he missed it. Robin said she didn't watch it either so she wasn't sure. Howard said that show is great. He also likes Celebrity Fit Club on VH1 since they have Jeff Conaway going crazy. He said Breaking Bonaduce is another great show but they're on hiatus right now. He had JD pull some clips for him to play from the Celebrity Fit Club show. In one clip Jeff Conaway was supposed to show up for work but ended up in the hospital after an overdose of alcohol and pain killers. They interviewed him after that and Jeff was talking about it like it was no big deal.
Jeff Conaway was sent to see Dr. Drew Pinsky about his addiction and they found out that he was taking a lot of Xanax so Dr. Drew suggested that they send him to a hospital to detox. Jeff said that he believes that he would be dead in six months at the rate he's going and he said he didn't care if that happened. Howard said that even he doesn't care if Jeff dies because he's a waste of space and he's wasting people's time.
Dr. Drew told the show that he really shouldn't be on that show anymore so they pulled him off. Gary told Howard that and Howard said he's done with that show if that's true. Gary said they replaced him with Gunner Nelson. The guys said they should do a spin-off show with Jeff and send the cameras along with him.
Howard said that Beth was out in Pittsburgh with her family who were all watching their team play football on Sunday. Beth called him and asked if he was watching the game and he had to tell her that he was busy watching Celebrity Fit Club. Her whole family is really into the football stuff and they're enjoying that stuff while Howard is watching Celebrity Fit Club. Howard said he heard about the game and how good it was but he really didn't care, he had other shows to watch.
Howard said he did watch the Chicago / Carolina game yesterday but he didn't know all that much about who was going to be playing who after that. Gary said that there were a bunch of games over the weekend and his whole weekend was planned around them. He asked Howard if he could name one player from the Pittsburgh team. Howard said all he knows is that one of the guys on the team looks like his old gym teacher and it's his worst nightmare.
Howard said that he wanted to order a porno movie over the weekend but it was 10.99 for a six hour movie so he didn't do it. He said he opened up some porno movies instead. He found one that was all lesbian stuff but it started out with some fat, ugly chicks. Then some other chicks came on and started eating each other out at work and pulled out dildos and stuff like that. He said that he masturbated 3 times on Saturday to that tape. He said as soon as a woman puts her leg up in the air, he's done.
Artie said that he was watching a game one time and had picture-in-picture so he could watch porn and watch the game because the Raiderettes turn him on. He had to put the porn on the big screen but kept the Raiderettes on the small picture.
Howard said that after he finishes himself off, he has this big wad of tissues that he ends up smelling. Bob said that he's done that and it's got a really strong smell. Fred said that's because he eats ass that it smells so bad. Artie said he's never done that and the next step may just be tasting it.
Howard said Beth is coming back today so he had to get rid of all of the ''evidence.'' He had to run back into his apartment to throw away the porn. Richard Christy came in and told Howard that he sometimes jerks off and leaves his goo in his underpants for a couple of days. He said that it has the weirdest smell after 2 or 3 days. All of the guys sounded kind of grossed out by that. Then Richard let them know that he used to go for 2 or 3 weeks without a shower when he was living in the storage room down in Florida.
Richard asked Howard if he saw the web site that he e-mailed to him the other day. Howard said that he saw it but he was too tired to do anything. The chick, a Croatian singer, looked really hot. He said that the woman was getting fucked and the guy was eating her out and stuff and it was the sexiest damn thing he's seen. He said if he had the energy he may have whacked it to it. He said he can't whack off to internet stuff, he has to see it on his TV screen with a DVD. Richard said someone is sending him that video on DVD so he'll give Howard a copy.
Howard said that the guys told him that the video is available on Sog10.com. Richard said that he sometimes likes to run his finger along his balls and smell it as well. The guys goofed on him about that and some of the other creepy things he does.
Artie remembers how funny that show was back then and remembers how it went. Gary said that Tom really hated Howard and had to walk off the show at one point. Dave told Howard that he would do anything to work for Howard for nothing. He said he's got enough money that he could actually work there for free. Howard told him that they might need some help and he'd be willing to have him do some office work if it's legal to have someone work there for no money. Howard told him he may have to go back to college and become an intern.
Howard played more of the tape and laughed as he heard George clearing his throat. Then George was reading some lines where he was saying ''Artie Lange'' and was being asked to do it in a sexy voice. Howard didn't like that they were asking him to read the lines that way and just wanted him to read them normally.
George was reading a line of ''Fuck the FCC'' over and over again without having to clear his throat. George was asked to read some ''Bukkake'' lines so he read them in a bunch of different ways. He didn't know what the word meant and he didn't know what ''tea bagging'' was. He actually passed on reading that line because of what it meant... but they already had him recorded saying the line. He also didn't know what a dirty Sanchez was. Howard forgot what it was so Artie said that it's when you do a girl in her ass and you get some mud on your helmet and then wipe it on the chick's face, giving her a moustache. Artie said a Dirty Goulet is when you do the same thing but give her a goatee.
Howard played a new song parody that Sal the Stockbroker came up with for George's revelation about how he likes to swallow.
Gary said that most of the spouses and family members for the crew have passed on coming on the show after the revelations. Will came in and told Howard that most people were going to pass on it so he gave up on it. Howard said he didn't ask Beth and he should have prepared for this whole thing. He decided not to get all caught up on it after Artie told him that Dana wouldn't have been able to call in anyway.
Howard was going to let Lisa G go but ended up talking to her about how she wasn't invited. Artie and Bob Levy were making it seem like maybe Penny Crone stole her invitation or something. Howard told Lisa that she should get that story and find out why Liz (Aiello) assigned Penny to the story instead of her. Howard said that the party was great and he'd talk more about that later on.
After the call Howard said he was going to start the revelations even though he had a lot of other stuff to do. Robin said she wanted him to do other things because this was going to be embarrassing. Howard said they have three fans there to play a game with the revelations. They have Chad G., Chad R. and Mike in to play for a $10,000 grand prize from YouWager.com. The microphones they hooked the guys up with didn't sound all that good but Howard had to work with what he had.
Howard told the guys that they had to match up the revelations with the right people and the person who gets the most wins the ten grand. Chad R. just started listening last Monday so he doesn't know the show very well. He has seen the E! show a bunch of times but doesn't know the show all that well.
Howard read the revelations and had each of the guys guess whose they were. The people participating in the Revelations were... Howard, Robin, Fred, Artie, Benjy, JD, Gary, Sal, Richard, Scott the Engineer and Jason. Here are the contestants guesses:
Howard was going to bring in each of the contestants but thought better of it and figured they'd just bring in one person at a time. Gary said that he's very interested in finding out who had the load blown on their chest. Robin was interested in the abortion and Howard was interested in the cheating. Robin said she's also wondering about the fondling story about the acquaintance. Artie said that he'd like to learn about the ''cheated on wife'' story. Fred said he'd like to learn about the genitals fondled story.
Howard said he was going to do the first revelation of... ''I Cheated on my Wife and she caught me.'' Scott the Engineer came walking in! He said that he was married in the past so it could have been his first wife or the current one. He said he would let them guess.
It turns out it was his current wife and it happened about 12 years ago. Scott said that this girl kept calling and calling on his old BAG-5040 deejay phone number. He called her back and they kept talking back and forth. He said they eventually met up on one of the show road trips and hooked up. Scott was having some marital problems and moved out for a few months. He wasn't living there at the time. The girl ended up sending his wife a tape of one of their phone conversations and broke the news to Scott's wife.
Gary said that he would love to hear that tape and he'd put up $500 right now to hear a copy of it. Scott said he's not sure he's even got a tape anymore. Howard wondered why the woman did that to him. Scott wasn't sure, he only had sex with her the one time. He said she wasn't even that attractive, she was just ''alright.'' Howard said that he's probably the least sexually attractive on the show yet he was the one who cheated.
Howard wondered how Scott got back into his wife's good graces after that. Scott said he was honest with her and it wasn't something he wanted to do, it just happened. He said he told his wife that he made a mistake and still loved her so he wanted her to forgive him. Artie said that he thought Scott said it was his ex-wife and didn't realize it was this wife. Howard was surprised to hear that the girl he cheated with didn't vomit after having sex with him.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that he was stunned by this revelation. He said he picked Sal for that one. He asked Howard to do the next revelation and pick one that was kind of lame instead of another good one. Scott said that he really does love his wife and he knows that this was a big mistake. All three of the game contestants had picked Scott so they were all tied up at this point. Howard said that he had to take another break before getting to more of them.
Howard did his impression of Scott and goofed on him a bit about the revelation. Gary said he wanted to know more of the revelations. Ralph called in and said they should either go in order or have Scott pick the story he wants to hear next. Howard thought that was a good idea but Gary said that if they let people pick, they'll only have the crappy ones left at the end. Howard decided to go in order that they read them last week.
The guys weren't done with Scott yet. They were still asking him about having sex with the 20 year old and what that was like. Howard said it's just like Scott to cheat with a girl who tapes their phone calls. Scott said that he tried to end it with the chick but it didn't work and she ended up sending that tape. Mike Gange came in and asked if he was wearing his toupee back around that time. Scott said it was around that time that he was wearing the toupee. He said he left it on the whole time too. Howard talked about how ugly that toupee was and what a mess he was back then.
Howard decided to go to the second revelation which was ''I once hid in a bathroom closet and pleasured myself as my family members went to the bathroom.'' Sal the Stockbroker came walking in since it was his story. Sal said that he hasn't told his wife about this yet. He said he cut the antenna and told her that the dog chewed it. He then went on to tell Howard that he was about 15 years old at the time. He was at his aunt's house and after taking a crap in the bathroom, he saw a linen closet across from him. He said he got into the closet and saw that he could see out the door. He ended up watching his cousin, who was about 17 at the time, go to the bathroom and got off on it as she was going pee. He was seeing a naked woman for the first time.
Sal told Howard that he went outside and waited for people to come upstairs. Then he'd run into the bathroom and hide in the linen closet. He ended up watching his aunt take a number 2. She did something weird before hand but Howard didn't want to hear that. He actually hit his dump button for the first time because he wanted to protect Sal and the Aunt.
Sal said that he ended up getting turned on by watching and pleasured himself in the closet as he was watching. He said his aunt looks like Rosemary Clooney so she wasn't really attractive. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this wasn't that big of a revelation after Sal said he enjoys watching women pee. Sal said that had nothing to do with him pleasuring himself to his aunt doing it though.
Sal said that he had another aunt who would wrestle him and mess around with his ''tool.'' He said he once went up to her years later and asked her if she wanted to do it to him in the bathroom at a wedding they were at. Howard said he thought that was a 9 on a scale of 10 for the revelations. He also thought that Scott's revelation was about a 10. He moved on to the next revelation and said that they may have to do it over the course of two days because there's so much to get to. The next revelation...
Howard said that Gary kept looking over at a couple of the guys waiting for them to react to the revelation and wanted him to stop. He also took a call from a guy who was upset that he had used the dump button earlier. Howard told him he has the dump button because there are some people who don't know what the hell they're doing and he has to protect them. It wasn't a word thing, it was about what Sal said about his aunt that they had to censor out. They can curse all they want but if something is libelous, Howard will have to hit the button.
Howard mentioned the revelation again and discussed it with the guys. Howard then asked that person to step forward. Richard Christy came walking in! That was a big surprise because no one thought that he was even getting laid. Richard told Howard and the guys that he's been doing okay with women after getting his makeover. He said he did good last year but most of the women didn't want him to talk about it.
Richard said that he broke his rubber when he was with this chick and that's how he got this chick pregnant. He said he has broken condoms regularly because he thinks he's pretty large when aroused. He's now switched to the magnum size so he doesn't break them anymore.
Richard said he was kind of freaking out when he found out that this chick was pregnant. She definitely wanted the abortion though. He said it was all up to her and he would have let her have the baby if she wanted to. He said it cost him about $400.
Gary said that Will told him that he has seen Richard fully aroused and he is pretty big. He came in and told the story about how Richard had gotten oral from a girl in his apartment and he was kind of awake when he saw it. Howard said he feels that Richard is bi-sexual and doesn't care when he's around other dudes when he's doing stuff like that. Richard swears he's not. He also said that this make-over that Beth did for him was amazing and worked wonders for him.
Will said that he didn't want to look at Richard but he did kind of glance over and saw Richard fully aroused. Will was drunk at the time but he remembers him moaning with a southern accent. He said that he heard Richard ask the girl where he could cum, on her tits or in her mouth. He also remembers him letting out a big moan when he was finishing. He thinks that she let him finish on her chest. Richard said he was pretty sure that he got some on Will's sheets too.
Richard said that she gave him a titty fuck to finish him off and it was amazing. Some of the guys said that is great with the right woman. Howard has never had it though. Robin said she's never given anyone that either. Artie said that the whore who ripped him off in Las Vegas did that to him and gave him oral at the same time.
Richard also let them know that he had gone to the abortion clinic with the woman he got pregnant. The chick that was with him in Will's apartment was a different woman. The guys were rating Richard's revelation and they ranged from a 7 up to a 9. Howard announced the next revelation but said he was going to take a break before getting to it.
Howard said he almost didn't make it to the party because he was on Bubba's show. Artie said that he'll be doing Bubba's show on Thursday. Howard said Beth eventually told him to get ready because they were late. Howard went over there and was very surprised when 200 people wished him a happy birthday. He said it was the best surprise ever.
Howard said that Artie made the best speech at the party and he has tape from it but he's holding off until tomorrow. He said he doesn't want the Howard 100 News team playing any of that stuff until after he plays it. He's tired of having them scoop him on stuff like that. Robin said she's pretty sure that they were going to cover that stuff today at noon. Gary came in and said that it's kind of weird because he's now competing against the news team for some tape of Beetlejuice's call to 911. Gary said that they may have a better shot at getting the tape first so maybe they should let them get it and then play it. Howard said he's tired of dealing with this stuff and he's really got to put an embargo on certain things with the news team.
Robin said that there were a bunch of people who didn't show up to the party who said they were going to come. Gary said that Adam Duritz said that he was coming with a guest but didn't show up. Howard said that Adam has done that to him as well and he's pretty sure he does that to see what's going to happen there before he shows up. Gary said that Stephen Baldwin and his wife didn't show up even though they said they were coming. There was also Ivan Reitman and Betty Thomas who were on the list and didn't show up. Gary said that KC Armstrong was invited, said he was coming and didn't show up.
Howard heard that KC was becoming the biggest pain in the ass when it comes to scheduling things. He said that if people aren't going to come to the party, they shouldn't say that they are. Robin said she has a list of people who didn't show up after RSVPing that they were. Howard's accountant didn't show up so Howard wondered what was up with that. Howard was kind of pissed that these people said they were coming and didn't show up. He said it's just not cool to diss someone like Robin who put that whole thing together. Robin said that she could have put other people on the list who really wanted to be there.
Howard mentioned that Robin had party favors on each of the tables for everyone. There were keychains in this little box that read 1-9-06. The keychain was the fist logo and Howard heard that a lot of them were stolen during the party. Howard got his, Gary got his but many other people lost theirs when they got up to dance. Robin said she figured they'd have some extras since so many people didn't show up... but they were all gone.
Howard played some tape from the birthday party where Artie welcomed everyone to the party and gave him a ''Wahhh, I'm 52, wahhh.'' He also did some of his stand-up for the crowd. He talked about how Howard has sold more radios for SIRIUS and SIRIUS appreciates it so much that they gave 50 million shares of stock to David Lee Roth's uncle Manny. Artie told some other jokes and talked about how Howard made a dream come true by hiring him for the show.
Howard thought this was going to be Robin. Jason came walking in a short time later. He said that his girlfriend lives in Central Jersey so he doesn't get to see her until the weekends. He said that it's starting to effect his sex life and he may have to go see a therapist over it. Howard told Jason that this was not a revelation, and he was going to give him a 2 on a scale of 10. Howard said that there's nothing revealing here. He told Jason that it's obvious that he's not interested in his girlfriend anymore and he might want to find a new one. Jason said he'd just go through the same cycle again.
Artie said that he doesn't have that problem with Dana, he still wants to fuck her on the weekends when he sees her. Howard thinks that Jason is really saying that he just wants to break up with his girlfriend and this is the way he's going to reveal it to her. Jason said that's not true and they're looking for an apartment together. Howard said he thinks he's afraid he won't find another girlfriend and that's why he's saying this. Robin said she'd give him a 3 on a scale of 10. The rest of the guys were at 2, 3 and 4 ratings because it just wasn't that great of a revelation.
Jason said he told his girlfriend about this over the weekend and she was kind of weirded out by it. Howard advised him not to move in with her if this is the way he's feeling. Howard read the next revelation which was...
The guys talked about how Sal and Richard have already revealed their stuff so it's not theirs. Fred said he was going to go with Benjy because he's always sweaty and up late at night. Fred said that he's also come in to work with a very odd odor that's unexplainable. Howard asked the person to come in and reveal who they are. It wasn't Benjy... it was JD.
JD said that this is since he was 18 years old so there was no revelation there. He's 26 years old now and has spent 8 years to get to that $10,000 worth of porn. JD said he goes to web sites where he tells girls what to do on their web cams. Howard wanted him to describe how that works since he's never done it himself. JD couldn't get out what he does so Howard asked him if he goes to the site ''I'm a creepy fuck .com.'' JD said he likes to see girls suck on dildos so that's the kind of stuff he asks them to do.
Howard asked JD which sites he likes to go to but he couldn't just say which ones they were. Howard eventually dragged it out of him and found out he likes Keen.com. He said he will sometimes chat with the girls via phone as well as doing the web site thing. Howard asked him what his web name is for that stuff but JD wasn't talking. Howard asked him if it was CumJunkie. Artie did his impression of JD and goofed on him about that.
Howard also dragged out the name he uses on the web which starts as DABA with some numbers... which turned out to stand for ''Da Bad Ass'' to which everyone broke out laughing. Howard told JD that Chuck Zito is a bad ass, he's not one. JD said he got that nick name from high school after someone goofed on him back then.
Howard tried to reenact a phone call with JD but JD wasn't playing along. Howard was playing the woman on the phone call. Bob Levy said that he should change his name to Da Dumb Ass and Artie said that maybe it should be Da Bad Breath. Howard continued to try and get JD to play along but JD was very hesitant to do anything like that on the air. Howard asked Robin to be the phone sex operator but JD wouldn't play along with that either.
Howard asked JD what kind of weird shit he's asked these chicks to do. JD said ''Uhhhh, you know... uhhhh...'' He eventually said he did see a girl have her dog lick her pussy though. He doesn't know what kind of dog it was but it was so wrong that he got off on it. He said that the woman took some peanut butter and put it in there for the dog to lick. Howard told him he's a ''sick motherfucker'' and a freak. Howard told him he was going to raise his rating from a 5 to a 6 after hearing that.
Will came in to defend JD's revelation. He said that JD probably hasn't made over $50,000 collectively so the $10,000 is a lot of money for him. Howard said they were enjoying the revelation and they were learning even more as it went on.
Howard told JD that he wants to get a phone sex operator tomorrow and have him demonstrate. JD said he's not going to do it. Howard said he can't believe he goes by Da Bad Ass on the web.
Jon Hein came in and said that they're going to be talking about all of this stuff on The After Show immediately after the Howard Stern Show. He said they'll be talking about the revelations and to Rev. Bob about being there this week. Jon said he'd also like to talk to Robin about how she arranged the big party for Howard and how she kept it a secret.
Howard got back to JD and took a call from Ralph who said the revelation went from a 1 to a 7 once the ''Da Bad Ass'' thing came up. Howard was also talking about how he heard that Ralph almost didn't show up to his party on Friday night. Robin said that Ralph told that to Shiela and said that he had a headache. Will said that Ralph told him the same thing.
Ralph said that someone stole his keychain at the party. He said he got up to get a drink and when he came back, it was gone. Howard said they have to get to the bottom of that and find out who was taking them all. Howard wrapped up with JD ''Da Bad Ass.'' They couldn't get over that DABA thing and tried to find out what numbers follow that DABA name. JD wasn't talking to Artie said that zero would be the appropriate number. JD said that the number doesn't matter but he has canceled accounts and had to get new ones so the numbers have changed.
Howard told JD that was pretty pathetic but couldn't get over the DABA thing. He asked him what other names he's used. JD said he's probably used ''Cheesy'' before since that's what he was called in High School. JD didn't want to talk about it anymore and said that he's done with going on the internet now.
Captain Janks said that Howard has to leave him with a revelation that will blow them away. Howard thought that what they had done so far was pretty great. Janks said that they need something from one of the main players on the show. Howard and everyone else wanted to save the rest of them for tomorrow. They have to do six more of them...
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up some dancing girls at the surprise party Howard had on Friday. The girls were only wearing body paint and Howard thought that they were pretty hot. Howard was also talking about Tom Chiusano who showed up at the party. He said he feels bad that there's no job there at SIRIUS for him. Robin said the party was also about their future and not about their past so Tom was kind of left out in that part of it.
Howard took some more phone calls and one guy said that the show was really good with the revelations. That led to the guys talking about JD's revelation and gave him a 7 rating on a scale of 10. Another caller said that he won't be able to listen tomorrow because the show isn't available online. Howard said he'll start the rest of the revelations at 6 o'clock, first thing tomorrow morning.
Artie told JD that maybe his new online name should be MrBigDickAndBalls since he makes up things about himself... like being a bad ass. Howard asked JD if he sits there naked while he's on the computer. JD said he'll do that sometimes and he'll do it with his laptop there. He also revealed that he will usually try to do it in under 10 minutes and that he blows his load into a paper towel. Howard heard about all of that and said it sounded pretty pathetic to him. Howard wanted to know the name of the woman JD likes the most. JD was stammering and refusing to answer. He didn't want to say exactly who she was. Howard dragged it out of him and found the name was ''KissyFur.''
Howard told JD that he would pay him for a recording of one of his sessions. JD said he was not going to go there but Howard demanded that he have phone sex with this chick. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that he was checking out the web site that JD mentioned earlier and it was tough to find stuff. Not only that but the site was mainly an astrology site. Gary said he'd be afraid of giving them his credit card number but JD said he put his faith in them and gave it. Howard said this is probably the tip of the iceberg for JD and he'd love to find out more. He told JD that he really loves him and that he really needs to get a raise. Howard thanked him and told him that his name is now DABA, not JD.
Howard thought it was funny that JD is fine with a chick taking money from him. He was saying that she's cool but she takes his money. He had to take another break after that.
Howard had JD come back in to ask him about his girlfriend that he met on MySpace.com and if he had to pay her on one of those web cam sites to meet her. JD said that wasn't the case. Howard let him go after that and had Robin start her news.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about eating raccoon during the news so Richard Christy came in and shared some of his experiences with eating raccoons, rabbits and other things. He also told Howard that he was helping George Takei out with some of his lines last week and had to explain to him what the term ''taint'' meant. Howard had Robin get back to her news stories after that. She spent some time talking about the Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday and many other stories that were in the news. She wrapped up her news around 10:45am so Howard ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about the digital sound board he had to work with now and how he's adapting pretty well there. He said he feels about 90 percent comfortable there already. He said it's not easier to use than the old stuff though. He said he's stuck on a page on his computer so he can't get to all of the sound clips he wants to listen to.
Howard and Artie talked about Bubba the Love Sponge's phone call with Warren Sapp and how he was going off on the guy. Warren is huge according to Artie and Bubba didn't have a problem going off on him. Howard said that Bubba was a little upset with the way he was treated when Sapp did a commercial with him so he let that be known.
Howard talked about the days when he did a commercial with Don Imus back when he was at WNBC and how that inspired him to beat his ass in the ratings by doing a great show. He explained how Imus was being a pain in the ass at the commercial shoot and how people were kissing his ass for doing nothing.
Artie remembers his father taping shows just to try and find that commercial on TV to see what Howard looked like. He had that tape for a long time and remembers what Imus was doing in the commercial just like Howard was describing. Howard said he had no desire to be in a commercial with Imus and he really didn't need to be in it with him. He's not even sure why he had to do it because they really didn't run them that much.
Howard said he had an idea for a SIRIUS commercial around Christmas time. He wanted to spoof the DeBeers commercial where a woman hands a guy a SIRIUS tuner. He called everyone to a meeting and pitched the idea. They went ahead and made the commercial but changed it around to where a guy is about to ask his wife for a divorce and then she gives him a SIRIUS radio so he changes his mind. He was happy that they made the commercial but it only aired about four times.
Artie said that he would have gotten about 20 SIRIUS radios if he wasn't on this show. Bob Levy, who is sitting in all week, said that he got his wife a radio for Christmas just so she could hear him call her a cunt on the air.
Gary called Howard yesterday and asked him to come on the Wrap Up Show to help explain why they didn't get to all of the revelations. Howard said he was getting tired and was running out of time to do them all. Gary said there was a conspiracy theory on Howard 100 News last night where they said that it was planned to leave the show principals on the list for the second day. Howard said Will set up that list and it wasn't planned like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard not to worry about the people complaining about him not getting to the revelations. Howard said his head hurt at that late an hour on the show and he really didn't have the time to get to all of them. The caller also asked if Bubba will ever get a big head and try to take over for him. Howard said he wishes that someone would take over. He also said that a lot of people didn't think that Bubba would fit in with Howard's programming but it appears that they were wrong. He thinks that Bubba is a good compliment to his show and that a lot of people will enjoy him.
Howard said that he's going to be building up the channels over the next five years and he's waiting for Tim Sabean to get organized so they can start adding shows. That led to the guys talking about some of the terms that Bubba uses on his show. Howard has been tuning in to listen and when he hears the guy doing a good job, he gets a smile on his face. He doesn't feel that there's any rivalry there at all.
Howard got back to his e-mail and read some of the feedback about the revelations. Howard pointed out that the show does rerun at 9pm at night so people can tune in then to catch up on the revelations. Robin said that there was someone complaining about putting Bubba's show up against Jim Breuer's show. Howard said they can work around stuff like that and change the schedule. They'll be working that stuff out over the next five years.
Robin was saying that they asked Jim Breuer to speak at Howard's birthday party but he turned it down because he was going to be too freaked out. Gary said that Jim felt like that and so did Nick DiPaolo because both of them are huge fans of Howard's and didn't want to perform for him. Gary was also telling Howard that they were going to try and get Don Rickles to do something there but he doesn't leave his house for less than $50,000. After hotel and other costs, it would have cost Robin about $65,000 to get him out there.
Robin and Gary said they were trying to work a deal with Don but Don doesn't need any help with his career. Robin said they couldn't even get Jackie Martling to come to the party. He was out of town. Bob Levy said it would have been funny to see Jackie selling his CDs after doing his thing at the party.
Howard told Robin and Artie to go on KissyPhur.com to see what she looks like. The guys brought up the site on the big screen in the studio so they could check her out. It was $2.69 per minute to watch her on a web cam and talk to her on the phone.
Howard called JD (now DABA - Da Bad Ass) into the studio to explain himself. Howard thought that she needed to hit the gym. JD said that she's one of the hotter chicks on the web cams that he checks out. He said that he likes all kinds of girls, not just fat chicks. Howard said he thinks that JD must think he could get her because she is kind of overweight.
JD likes to watch girls give oral to dildos so Howard said he doesn't get that. JD said he might call that chick like once a month, not every day. Richard Christy came in and said that her private parts look like they're all covered in metal because they're pierced so much. Howard asked JD how long he's spent on the line with that chick. He said that it's probably about 15 or 20 minutes. Howard wanted Robin to figure out how much that would be at $2.69 per minute... Then he said it's probably more like 30 minutes and JD is probably lying. Bob Levy told him he could have bought a crack whore for that much. Artie said he could have had two crack whores and a pizza for that kind of money.
Howard asked JD if he's ever talked to KissyPhur about regular things instead of sex. JD admitted that he sometimes does that, but not all the time. Howard wondered if he tells her when he's blowing his load. JD said that he does do that so Howard said he has to hear that. Howard asked JD if he's told the woman who he is and where he works. He figures that he has but JD denied telling her that. He said he's never sent any of these chicks a gift or anything like that. Howard had to wrap up after that and went to commercial break.
Howard said he'd better get to the revelations before he gets lynched. He quickly went over all of the revelations he went over yesterday...
Howard didn't think that this revelation was all that great. Robin said that the one that should have been thrown out was the plastic surgery one. She said she knows that's Howard and the only way it would pass is if it was Howard's. Howard said he thinks that it's actually Robin's. Artie said that it's obvious that Robin's revelation is a huge one if she's that upset about the plastic surgery revelation.
Howard called in the owner of the revelation and it turned out to be Gary Dell'Abate. Howard thought that was kind of interesting but Artie didn't. Gary said that it didn't happen when he was married. He told Howard that he had to go to his wife with this and it was embarrassing to him. He said that his wife doesn't want to hear that he was trying to get jerked off by a whore at some point in his life. Howard still didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Gary told Howard that his wife called him on the day they announced the revelations and was upset that this was the revelation because she's afraid that their friends and neighbors are going to hear about it. Gary then told the story about what actually happened. He said he and a friend were in Upstate NY and were drunk. They called an massage place and figured they'd send out some ugly chicks. When they showed up they were stunning. The girls came into their hotel room and negotiated the price. It was about $100 for a hand job... each. The girls then told them to get in their underwear and under the covers and shut the lights out. Then they heard them in the bathroom getting ready.
Gary said that they heard them in the bathroom for a couple of minutes and then silence. His buddy turned on the lights and went in the bathroom and the girls were gone. They had walked out the door when they turned the lights out. Gary said that they paid the girls up front so they just left. Bob said that Gary was saying that he didn't get a hand job, but he did get fucked.
Robin asked ''What the fuck is wrong with Will?'' because some of the revelations weren't all that great. Will came in and said that Gary had a few others that he was going to use and this was his backup story. Robin told Will that he's on her list right now and she's pissed.
Howard moved on to the next revelation...
Howard said he doesn't think that it will be Robin because she wouldn't be embarrassed by that. The guys went over the list trying to figure out who this person is. Howard can't imagine why Robin would be upset by any of the remaining revelations. He said he had to take a break before finding out who this one belonged to.
Howard mentioned that they're going to have Adrianne Curry in to promote her new show. He took a call from Joey Boots who said that he was kind of disappointed in the show yesterday. He was sounded very inebriated so Howard told him to call back when he's not drunk. Boots was slurring his words and complaining about the way the show ran yesterday. Howard told him that it's his show and he runs it the way he wants to. Boots was upset that if he promoted it to do them on one day, he should have done them all on the same day. Howard hung up on him and moved on.
Lisa G from Howard 100 News came in and gave them an update on what they have coming up today. She said they'll have the rest of the revelations, Benjy going to try out for ''The Biggest Loser''... Bob Levy said ''He won!'' Lisa said they'll also be running the interview with George Takei's partner. Levy said that he'd like to bang Lisa but she wasn't interested.
Howard asked the person who belonged to the revelation about the meat and vegetables to step forward. Robin fessed up to it and said she wasn't going to talk about it if the plastic surgery story is still in there. She wants to hear about that before she'll talk about the meat and vegetables. She said that the plastic surgery thing isn't intriguing at all. Howard said that she doesn't know whose that is yet and what level it's going to.
Howard told Robin that she has to stand up and talk about her revelation just like everyone else has done or she has to leave the studio. The two of them argued about that for a minute. Howard asked her what kind of meat she used. Robin said that it's not even true so she could try and get out of talking about it.
Artie said that he'd like to hear the story but so far there's only been two good ones, the abortion and the cheating. Other than that he doesn't like any of them. Artie said that he's going to be carrying the show with his revelation so she'd better start talking.
Robin said that she was a young girl and she would wake up in the middle of the night so horny that she would use meat and vegetables. Howard said that Robin has always talked about how sexual she is. She continued on and said that she was so horny at 19 or so that she'd be on fire. She had to relieve it somehow. She said she'd look at things like bottles and anything else she could put in there. She eventually went into the refrigerator and found a cucumber to use. She said that it was a little too ''girthy'' for her so she went and found frozen hot dogs which were too small. She said she did try them out though. She eventually found some nice sausage and used that.
Howard asked if she put it back after using it. Robin said ''Hell no!'' and explained how she would throw the stuff out and had to try and hide it so no one would know. She had to satisfy her itch though and used whatever she could. She also said that she would lay on her back when she did it. She would always feel disgusted with herself after doing it, just like Howard does after he pleasures himself.
These days Robin has toys to take care of that stuff so she doesn't have to use meat. Howard asked if she's ever put anything up her ass. She said that nothing has gone up there. She said she used to make several trips to the refrigerator as she was trying stuff out and had to stay quiet so she wouldn't wake anyone.
Howard asked Robin about how big the sausage was. She said that it was pretty big, like a bratwurst or something like that. She said that sometimes she would wear through the casing and the spices would come out. Howard said that Robin has even told him that some furniture is sexy to her. She said that the stuff she uses has to be soft and pliable. She's never had anything get caught in there as she's been doing it. Howard thought that she could lose some stuff in there but she told him he doesn't know the female anatomy very well.
Howard asked Artie for a rating on that revelation. He gave her a 6 and said if it had been a dude, it would have been a 9. Robin said she was embarrassed by this so it was more than a 6 to her. Howard gave her a 4 because she had revealed some worse stuff in the past. Gary gave her a 4 or 5 because it wasn't all that great. Gary told Howard that Adrianne Curry was there and she looked really hot. Howard was going to take a break and get to her. He said he'd get to the rest of the revelations later on.
Fred said he thinks that Robin's revelation will live on for years to come. He said it's bigger than Richard's story about paying for an abortion. Robin demanded that she get a 10 for her story since it was better than Richard's.
Howard moved on and had Adrianne Curry come in. He said that she was beautiful today wearing a very unique outfit. The shirt and pants were really tight and she wasn't wearing a bra. Howard asked her if she paid for it herself. She said that she did and that's why she just ripped it. Howard told her that this Peter Brady (Christopher Knight) is a lucky dude. He wondered if she would bring other girls into the bed with him. She said she won't do that because it never works out well for friends of her's that she's heard from.
Adrianne said that Christopher is approaching 50 now so when he does get to that age where he can't perform anymore, she'll be ready to bring women into the bedroom so he can watch. She said that if she messes around with someone, she's going to do it in front of Christopher and not cheat on him.
Robin asked Adrianne if she thinks this relationship with Christopher is real or not. She thinks it is but Howard told her it's not. He explained how the way they met wasn't in the real world, it was on The Surreal Life and now they have their own show, My Fair Brady, where they have cameras on them all the time. Adrianne said that she's tired of doing the show and they want out already. She said they've signed on for a 3 year run but she's hoping people don't find them interesting anymore and they'll let them out early.
Adrianne said that she has some modeling gigs coming up but she really doesn't think she needs that to make a living. She would be happy without the cameras on them. Howard doesn't believe that but Adrianne said she's serious. He told her that she looked a bit desperate on My Fair Brady when she was demanding that Christopher marry her.
Howard asked Adrianne how much she weighs and how tall she is. She said that she's 5'11'' tall and weighs just 132 pounds. She doesn't have any implants or anything but said she could get them some day if she feels she needs them. Howard was also asking her about how good Christopher is in bed. That led to Howard bringing up Robin's revelation about using meat and vegetables to pleasure herself. Adrianne said that she has other things that she uses to pleasure herself.
Adrianne was giving the guys some advice for giving good oral. She said that the key is to take your time and take as long as it takes to get the job done. She said she prefers for the guy to spend all of their time on her clit and to keep it going so she can have multiples.
Howard asked Adrianne what the craziest thing she's ever done was. She didn't really have an answer but said that she's just there having fun. She did talk about her days when she was having lesbian sex and was the butch one in the relationship. She said she never strapped one on but did use toys on the other women. Adrianne said that she's got every single vibrator company sending her everything and she loves it. She said going on TV and talking about it was the best thing she's ever done.
Howard showed Adrianne about the Sybian sex toy he got as a birthday gift. He said that he needs someone to test it out and wondered if Adrianne would do it. She sounded kind of shocked by the ''girth'' of the part that gets inserted. She said that Christopher might get upset if he heard that she rode that thing. Howard said that it looks like a saddle with a dildo sticking up in the middle of it.
Mike Gange showed Howard one of the attachments for the Sybian and it was huge according to the guys. Adrianne said that she wasn't going to be trying out the toy in there. Howard played a clip from a video that describes it. It sounded very odd. Adrianne told Howard she may have some friends that would hop on that thing for him.
Howard gave Adrianne a couple of F, Marry, Kill games to play. She was very talkative during the games... but here's how she answered...
Howard brought up Adrianne's Playboy shoot and talked to her about that. She said that she showed everything in the shoot. Howard told her that she looks really good in the layout. Howard asked her what woman she's most attracted to right now. She said that Angelina Jolie is right up there and Jaime Pressly is a nice dish as well.
Howard asked Robin how long she thinks Adrianne and Chris' marriage will last. She said it will last as long as their TV show contract lasts. That would be 3 years. Howard read that Adrianne used to use heroin. She told him that she used to shoot it and snort it. Now, when people tell her that pot is pretty strong stuff, she tells them that they have no idea where she's been before.
Howard asked Adrianne when she first kissed a girl. She said she was probably in 2nd grade. She had her first finger when she was in about 4th grade. Howard started to wrap up with Adrianne and found out she's going to be flying all over the place doing appearances and stuff. He had to take a commercial break a short time later.
Bob Levy said that Artie once drove home to go to the bathroom when they were out to eat in the City one time. Howard said he knows what that's like. Artie said he once got a $400 hotel room just to take a shit. That's how much he hates going in public.
Howard and the guys got back to the revelations. The next revelation was...
Howard said he thinks it's Fred, so did Robin. They talked about Fred's step-father a little bit and about Fred being so closed off emotionally so it had to be him. Howard then asked that person to step forward and reveal themselves. It was Fred.
Howard asked Fred why he was uptight about this. Fred said he wasn't uptight about it now. Fred said that when his step-father passed on, it brought up a lot of stuff about his biological father. He said that his step-father was a great guy and much more of a father to him than his biological father was. His mother told him about his father and how he cheated on her before he was even born... and it was with his God Mother. Fred said that he doesn't want to meet his half-sister because he would be the first one to tell her what a piece of shit her father was and what a piece of shit her mother was. Fred said that his mother went to the God Mother and tried to talk to her but she told her that she didn't give a shit about her kids.
Fred said that he understands that this woman is supposed to be a really good girl but he's never met her. Fred said his brother crossed paths with her one time and heard about her but didn't meet her. Howard said that he might meet her and find that he really likes her. Fred said that would never happen because of what she represents to him. He said it might turn into a really crappy situation.
Howard asked Fred how long he's known about this. Fred said it's only been about five years. Gary came in and said that Fred has a lot of bad things to say about that man but he's a very nice guy. He might find that about his sister and get along with her just fine. Fred doesn't want to go down that road.
Howard asked the guys to give scores for Fred's revelation. Artie was brave enough to give him a score of 7. Robin was afraid to give him a score but told Artie it wasn't a 7. She eventually said that it was a 5. Gary said that the revelation wasn't that great but the anger that follows is. Fred said that he thinks that Sal's revelation about pleasuring himself to his aunt is completely made up. He doesn't believe Sal's story at all. Artie said he agrees with Fred. Gary said he believes that story and believes that it may have been even more recent than he admitted to.
Howard took a call from a woman in Florida who said that she lets her 7 year old and 2 month old listen to the show. Robin said that might be a bad idea but the woman said she wants her 2 month old to say ''Hey Now!'' Sal came walking in a short time later and defended his revelation. He swears that he was in that closet and watching his aunt take a dump. He swore on the life of his kids that the story was true. Sal said that it was very low of Fred to go off on him about his kids the way he was.
Howard cut Sal and Fred off and took another phone call from a guy who said that Gary's revelation was lame and they should make him reveal the first one that he came up with. Gary changed his story from the start of the game but that revelation is the one he's sticking with. Howard moved on to the next revelation...
It turned out to be Howard, no big surprise. He said that he thinks his revelation is big and it's just as strong as the rest of them. He asked everyone not to pretend that they didn't know. He said that some of them already knew that he had some surgery done but the revelation was for the audience. Howard said that if he hadn't told Robin this before, it would have blown her mind. Artie asked him if he's got his real hair. Howard said he does but Robin was still goofing on his revelation and saying that it wasn't that big of a deal.
Howard was going to skip the revelation because Robin was talking over him and goofing on him about the revelation because it wasn't that great of a story. Howard wanted her to finish goofing on him and he'd tell the story. He kept saying that it was about the audience, not about surprising the people on the show. Howard stayed silent for a minute as Robin continued to make fun of this revelation.
Howard was going to go over to OutQ and give them the revelation if Robin wasn't going to stop. Robin said she was done but Howard kept putting it off. He took a call from a guy who said that he was a hypocrite for getting surgery. He said that this was a secret that the audience didn't know about it. He asked Robin to finish her viciousness and if he heard her interrupt again, he was going to stop. She was still laughing and being sarcastic as she said that this should be very interesting.
Howard finally got to the story and said that the whole thing about the revelations was to reveal a story that's been a secret for a long time. Robin was still goofing on him so it kept delaying his story. He said he's had two surgeries. One of them he had to go to Robin and Gary and ask them if he had lost his voice. He said that he's always hated his nose and the doctors he saw always told him not to do anything. One doctor said he noticed that he was very motivated to do this. The doctor sketched out what he could do and it was very simple. They could remove that hook in his nose.
Howard decided to have the surgery done right after they finished shooting ''Private Parts'' and no one noticed that it was done... except his sister. Artie said that he knew he had it done just from seeing him from years ago and what he looks like today. Robin didn't think this was all that revealing but she already knew about it. Gary also knew about it. Howard said that he's had a second procedure but he'll get to that shortly. Howard said he told Ivan Reitman that he was going to have the surgery done but he told him to put it off because they had to do some re-shoots. He had to put it off for a short time.
Howard was always worried about losing his voice after having a nose job. He got out of the hospital after having the nose job and it turned out to be a psychological thing. He said he went to half of the E! crew and said that he was afraid that he wouldn't have a career left. It turns out it improved his voice in the long run.
Howard said he had a second surgery done so he let Gary guess at what it was. He thought it was something with his Adam's Apple. Artie thought he may have had his hips reduced. Fred said that he knew about the nose job but doesn't know what else he's had done. Howard thought that the nose job was so subtle that no one even noticed. Artie said it's a billion times better than it was and it's a bigger deal than he says it is.
Fred guessed that Howard had something done to his chin. Howard said that he did... but it was just liposuction under his chin. They had to wrap his whole head up for 4 or 5 days when he had that done. It was done at the same time he had the nose job done.
Howard said he didn't want to reveal it because he thinks that it's very gay. Howard said he doesn't believe that the nose job makes him look better these days, it's because he stays in shape that he looks good. Artie insists that the nose job is a huge difference and he should pull a picture from the Channel 9 Show to look at the difference. Howard said that he will never go under the knife again for something like this. He said he is very pleased with his nose but he wouldn't do it again. He also talked about the chin fat removal and how he really doesn't think that made much of a difference.
Howard said that the only person who really noticed his nose job was his sister. He said he still has a big nose and it's not attractive, but she did notice. She told him it looked great but he asked her to keep it quiet because it does embarrass him. Gary isn't sure that this revelation is going to end up on Entertainment Tonight or anything like that. Some of the guys like Bob and Fred thought that the revelation was only at about a 5 or 6. Howard thought it was a 10. Benjy pointed out that Howard has denied this for 9 years and he's always said that he's been honest on the show. Howard admitted that he wasn't being honest about this.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Robin to shut the fuck up and think about this. He said that the revelation was a 10 because it's something very revealing for him. He told Robin that it's just as embarrassing for Howard to admit to that as it was for her to admit she shoves meat up her twat. Robin wouldn't let anyone speak and just kept talking as Sal was yelling at her to shut up. She wasn't letting anyone make a point.
Sal said that Howard was making himself look like a hypocrite by revealing this so it's a big deal for him. Howard said that the story has to be between a 7 and a 10 but Robin said that no one gave it anything close to that. Sal and Richard had already created a song parody about Robin's meat and vegetables story so Howard played that for everyone.
Zolar called in and said that Howard's revelation was better than Robin's lame revelation about using meat and vegetables. She continued to talk over everyone. Scott the Engineer came in and said that this is Will's fault because he didn't make everyone tell stories that stood up to the others. Zolar said that he's very hurt by what Howard revealed because he's kept this secret all this time. He basically lied to all of us all these years by denying his nose job.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that he watched Howard's surgery on a TV set in the Doctor's office. He said that Howard looked like The Mummy when he came out of the office. He moaned all the way home and said that he never should have done that and that he'd never do it again. Howard said he really thought that he had ruined his career by doing that. He thinks that his voice is deeper now and it helped him out. He and Ronnie said that they went in on a Sunday morning and there was no one there so no one saw him coming out after the surgery.
Ronnie said that Howard sat for years with the sketches he got from the doctor before going for it. Gary said that he remembers Howard sketching his own pictures in the paper on celebrities to see what their noses would look like. Robin was being very bitchy about the whole thing and goofing on his revelation.
Gary gave Howard an update on the contest they had going on with this revelation thing. The two Chads were tied at 5 and Mike only had 3 correct. Ralph called in and said that this revelation is a big deal because it makes Howard look gay and vain. Howard said that it really is embarrassing for him to have revealed this but Robin doesn't think that it's as embarrassing as her revelation.
King of All Blacks called in and said that he knew it was Howard. Captain Janks also called in and said that he noticed the chin thing but thought it was a pretty big revelation. He thinks that Gary should have to re-do his. Howard said that Robin ruined his revelation by saying that a plastic surgery revelation was bullshit. She didn't even realize what she was saying yesterday.
Gary asked Howard if he has had anything done with his hair. Howard swore on the life of his kids that he has never had anything done to his hair. Mike Gange came in and said that Howard used to have a part in his hair that was noticeable but now it's gone. Howard told Mike that he's never done anything to his hair. Robin said that they can't believe anything he says now that he's kept that other secret for so long.
Captain Janks played an old prank call that he made to Scott the Engineer many years ago where Scott told him that he had traced the call and told him to have a nice fucking day. Janks also asked Howard if he does anything to sweeten his voice on radio. Howard said that he has compression on his microphone but that's something he's always done. His voice has changed over the years too because he used to have a higher voice at WNBC. He had to cut everyone off and take a break before finishing up the revelations.
A phone caller told Howard that it does make Howard less of a ''man of the people'' than he was before. Howard had George Flowers come in and give an update on what they'd be covering on Howard 100 News at Noon. George said they'll be covering the revelations of course, Benjy's Biggest Loser tryout, George Takei's partner Brad and other stories as well. Howard also mentioned the Wrap Up Show that Gary and Jon Hein will be doing after the radio show. Robin will be appearing on that show to talk about her revelation.
Howard moved on to the next revelation which was...
Howard was pretty sure that it was Benjy but if it was Artie, then he would have beat out Scott the Engineer. Benjy was already freaking out and saying that this was a big deal... but it wasn't him, it was Artie! Artie said that he may have exaggerated a little bit. He said he was turned down twice by Will so he had to exaggerate a little bit when he told the story. He said he was wearing a shirt and it wasn't a full load. Artie said that he was in a 3 way with a chick and another dude.
Artie said that it all happened around the same time as his cocaine pig story. He was in L.A. at the time and would get an 8-ball of coke and do it over the weekend until he ran out. His drug dealer had invited him to a party so he went because there were going to be porn stars and coke all over the place. It was supposed to be at the house of a porn producer's house. The guy was kind of shady but he figured he'd go. They met at a house out near Woodland Hills or somewhere like that. He went into the house at around 10 o'clock and there was blow all over the place. There were chicks all over the place in bathing suits and porn on a big screen TV. Artie said there was coke all over the kitchen so he did a couple of lines and had some tequila on the rocks.
Artie also took a hand full of pills that were in a bowl in the kitchen. He just wanted to get fucked up so he did whatever he could take. They actually put Mad TV on that night because Artie was appearing on it back then. Within 5 minutes there were a bunch of smokin' hot chicks talking to him. They talked for about an hour and the Ecstasy started kicking in. The one chick started grabbing his dick and she was an ''L.A. 9'' which is like a New York 14 according to Howard.
The girl invited him into ''the fun room'' at the house and it was like ancient Rome because there were couples in there fuckin' each other. He said that he realized he was in an orgy and he wasn't sure what was going to happen. He saw one guy and a woman in the corner kind of messing around and dry humping. The hot chick asked Artie to sit down on the couch but he didn't want to do that, he wanted to stand up. The chick took her top off and wanted to take his shirt off. He didn't let that happen. The chick then started blowing him. He was never involved in an orgy so he was having some trouble getting going.
He eventually got going and then noticed that there was a Hispanic guy staring at him. He brought his woman over to him and she started making out with him. The Hispanic guy started spanking the hot chick that was blowing Artie. Then the Hispanic guy started fucking the chick as she was blowing Artie. Artie had never seen anything like this. Artie was trying to ignore the guy but he heard the guy really getting into it so he decided to bail out because he wasn't into it because he's not a 3-way kind of guy.
Artie pushed the hot chick away and the dumpy chick away. The hot chick wouldn't let him leave so the Hispanic guy was jerking off. He tried to move away but then he saw the jizz in the air and heading toward him. He got pissed and yelled at the guy for being a ''fuckin' weirdo.'' The guy told him to go back to the Suburbs but Artie was ready to beat the crap out of him. He threatened to go get a gun from his car. Artie left and went to the bathroom. That's when he noticed that on his chest, on the sweatshirt he was wearing, was a drop of the guy's load. He started to freak out even more and got hot water to get it off the shirt. He eventually took it off and threw it away.
Artie started to check everything to make sure there was no more jizz on his body. He checked his hair and made sure there was no more stuff on him. Artie said this guy told him he might want to get out of there because there were guns in the house and he might get his ass shot if he stayed there. Artie said he went to a hospital and slept there all night because he was so messed up from the drugs he had taken. The next day a friend of his wanted to tell him about the horrible weekend he had, meanwhile Artie had jizz shot on him.
Howard said that Artie's revelation wasn't all that big. It was exaggerated a bit so it wasn't that big. Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard that his revelation wasn't all that big because she already knew he had a nose job. She thought that Robin's revelation was bigger than his. He hung up on her because she was kind of annoying him. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard that it was exciting to hear his revelation and it was a big deal for her. She told Artie that he's crazy and she hopes that his mother isn't listening to this.
Captain Janks called in again and said that Artie owes all of the subscribers at least two bucks for that revelation because it was so gross. Howard said that Artie's revelation is only a 4 while Gary and Robin were giving him 6 and 7s. Fred gave him a 4 as well. Benjy said that the story will come out in the future so Howard raised it up to a 5 since that was a good point.
Everyone said that it's got to be fake and no one would care about the story if it was his. Benjy told his story anyway. He said he was in college at the time and used to get really drunk. He got so drunk that he had to go to the hospital and have his stomach pumped. There was an RA from his dorm that was in the room with him and when he woke up after passing out, there was a guy touching him. He said that the RA was trying to get him to pee for some reason. The guy was pulling on him and jerking around, trying to get him to pee. Benjy said when he woke up he had tubes coming out of his nose and was told he had his stomach pumped.
Howard cut Benjy off and Robin gave his revelation a score of 2. Howard had Gary bring in the contestants from the $10,000 contest. They had a tie though so they have to do a tie breaker. Mike had only 3 correct while both Chads had 5 correct.
Howard gave Mike a $1,000 prize for third place. Mike said that everyone is very nice there and really appreciated being able to come down there. Howard then told the guys that they had 3 revelations to read. He had one of the Chad's leave so they could get the other pics. They read two revelations that were rejected and had the guys pick who they thought it could be. Here they are:
Howard asked Sal what's up with him. Sal said it's a long story. He was dating a chick for 2 weeks and told him that she wanted to just be friends. He bought her the drink, jerked off in it and passed it to the bartender to give to her and let her know that there were no hard feelings. Howard thought that was disgusting and can't believe that he would do something like that. The contestants in the game thought it was horrible but Chad G thought it was great that he won ten grand because of it. Robin thought that the story was even better than the story he told him on the air.
Fred didn't believe Sal's second story... or his first. Sal swears that they are real but Fred refuses to believe them. Howard took some phone calls and then went to break.
There was another revelation in the tie-breaker that Howard turned down. It was actually Artie's and it went something like ''I met a girl at a bachelorette party, had sex with the girl and the girl turned out to be the bachelorette who got married 2 days later.''
Here's a wrap up of all of the revelations and who they belonged to...
Bonus Revelations...
A caller from Colorado got Howard talking about how they were kicked off a station out there years ago and the owners of the station were a bunch of pussies. The caller also told Howard that he's enjoying the show unlike some people over on SternFanNetwork who think they know the way the show should be run better than Howard.
Howard had Robin start her news since it was getting so late. Vinnie Favale called in during the news to give them some trivia about Shelly Winters since Robin was reading a story about that. After hanging up with him Howard said that Vinnie got only one guess out of the 11 revelations right. He had a whole explanation for his picks and he was completely wrong about every one.
A woman called in during the news and said that Robin revealing her sex with the meat and vegetables is better than anyone else's. She started to describe how her husband brought a banana into bed but Howard didn't care and hung up on her. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:50am.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him he was a big fag for getting plastic surgery. He told everyone that he got a lot of crap from the NY Daily News over his plastic surgery revelation yesterday. They said that if he had a nose job, he should get his money back. Howard said that the NY Daily News was being cool to him up until today.
Howard read an article about how SIRIUS isn't releasing any information about how many listeners Howard actually has. He said that everyone was saying that his show would never succeed. He said that it really doesn't matter if subscribers don't listen to his show, there are over 120 other channels they can listen to. SIRIUS can program for a very wide variety of people instead of a small group. He said there's no reason for them to release numbers about who is listening to what because then they'd have to start getting rid of channels that aren't listened to and they'd become regular radio.
Howard said he was talking to Tim Sabean the other day and they were talking about how they can put whatever they want on his channels and it doesn't matter if people don't listen. Howard is thinking about putting some shows on that could suck but they won't know until they actually air. Gary gave King of All Blacks as an example of a show that didn't work and Howard's parents as a show that did work.
Artie said that when he was offered the chance to replace Howard, he knew that he couldn't handle a four hour a day show. Howard asked him if he'd like to do a sports show on his channel. Artie said he'd be up for something like that but not a four hour show. Fred may get a show as well. Artie said that Jim Breuer does a show for just 2 hours, that's the kind of show that he's looking for.
Howard said that his show has been flying by lately and the five hours doesn't seem like it's that long. Robin said she thinks it's the content of the show that Howard is enjoying and that's why it goes by so fast.
Howard was talking about some of his favorite bits on the show from the past. It was the Mr. Ed bit with Jessica Hahn. He explained what the bit was all about and how dumb it was back when they created it. The great part was that Jessica Hahn was part of it. That kind of stuff was banned from being played on the show. Now they can play that kind of stuff and people can listen in and they can experiment with more stuff like that.
Howard said it's nice to know that channels like the Blue Grass channels are there on the service even if you don't listen to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who got them talking about the revelation show again. Howard said he heard from some people that Robin's revelation was pretty crazy but there were people who were upset about Robin talking over everyone while arguing about the revelations.
Howard got a note from Sam Simon who summed up Artie's revelation about getting a little jizz on him. He said that complaining about that little bit of jizz is like going to the super bowl and complaining about the cheering being too loud.
Howard said that he had a clip from the Wrap Up Show that aired after the radio show yesterday. He played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Sal says that Fred is crazy. In the clip, Sal says that he was told by Stuttering John that Fred is genuinely crazy compared to everyone else on the show. Fred still thinks that Sal lied about both of the revelations that came out yesterday.
Fred claims that he doesn't have any axe to grind against Sal. Sal thinks he does but Fred told him he doesn't and he didn't have one with Stuttering John either. Howard said he heard that Sal didn't like the way Doug Goodstein's wife Marlo was treating him at Howard's party. He said that she looks you up and down as she's talking to you in a condescending way. Goodstein came in to discuss it with him.
Sal said that the first time he met Marlo, he introduced himself and she looked him up and down and told him he was better looking in person. Then she walked away. Doug was there at the time and didn't deny it. Doug said that Marlo didn't even say anything to Sal at the party on Friday night. Sal said that's because she's in her own world and doesn't talk to anyone. Sal said that she only wants to talk to the big stars.
Sal said that Ronnie the Limo Driver had a problem with Marlo as well but Doug said that's not true. Doug said that Marlo hears the show and thinks that Sal is a sick person and that may be why she doesn't want to talk to him. Ronnie came in and told Doug that his wife is a problem and totally blew his wife off at a party. Doug tried to defend his wife but both Ronnie and Sal had problems with her. Ronnie said that she was nice to them at Howard's birthday party on Friday. Sal thinks that's because he set her straight.
Doug said that Ronnie is too sensitive and like a little girl. Ronnie said that's not true and his wife was a complete bitch the night they met her at Fred's party. Doug said she was trying to get settled in at that party so she didn't spend a lot of time with them. Howard said that people don't have to spend a lot of time with everyone at a party, maybe she was just going around to say hello to a bunch of people.
Howard said that maybe she could have said hello to Sal. Sal kept saying that her name was Marla so maybe that's why he was getting brushed off. Howard came up with a new movie idea for Howard Stern On Demand. He said that Doug and Sal could be on a cruise and the ship sinks. Doug dies and Sal and Marlo end up on an island together. Marlo ends up leading Sal around on a leash. Artie said that Marlo is very nice to him and maybe too nice. Sal said that's because he's part of the ''upper tier'' which is who she's looking to hang out with.
Howard said he'll play some audio from one of the On Demand shows later in the show. It's where Ronnie does a photo shoot and acts very strange during the shoot. That led to Ronnie coming back in and going off on Doug again. They were talking about going into a confessional booth at Howard's birthday party and doing some strange stuff there. Ronnie was a little lit that night but he swears he wasn't drunk. He was yelling about fucking some girls that night. Doug was also a little lit and had some fun leaving his confession with Ronnie. Howard played a couple of real quick clips but most of it was visual so they're going to save that for Howard Stern On Demand.
Richard came in and told Howard that he had some more clips from the birthday party. Ronnie left a very nice message where he thanked Howard and wished him a happy birthday.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he's never able to hear the Bubba the Love Sponge show on a replay. Robin said they just started replaying his show and it plays from 1-5am. The caller said he'll have to check that out. Howard suggested that the guy get the S50 tuner to record and carry the show wherever he goes. He thinks that anyone who has Sirius will eventually have that kind of service available.
Howard played more of the Ronnie audio and played The Godfather theme song along to it because he thought it sounded kind of like the speech that Luca Brazzi made in the beginning of the Godfather movie.
Artie said he was thinking about getting the chin thing done. Howard told him to lose some weight first before he tries to get surgery. Artie said he still has the chin when he loses weight. Bob Levy said that Artie has like 5 chins, not just one or two.
Howard read the article in the Daily News about his revelation where they basically trash his looks and goof on him. They had a quote in the paper from a plastic surgeon who apparently laughed and said that it ''didn't help.'' Howard goofed on the Dr. after reading about what her job was. He said that he didn't have surgery done to make a huge difference, he was just having some subtle work done. He said that people shouldn't expect to get surgery done and then think that they're going to come out looking completely different.
Howard played one song parody that was supposed to be about Robin's revelation but it didn't have all that much to do about the revelation. There was another one where Sal was singing about her masturbating with meat that Howard actually played yesterday.
Howard played some clips from George Takei's recording session where he was complaining about things like the print size of the lines he was reading and a few other things. He was also clearing his throat and talking about his breakfast of dry oatmeal and yogurt. Howard said they took some of those clips and made some prank calls. In the first call Sal and Richard call a deli and put George on the line. They had him clearing his throat and asking for some hot water to clear his throat. The guy at the deli knew that he was being jerked around. They kept calling him back and had Takei using the F-word with the guy. They explained that he had Tourette's and that's why he was cursing so much.
Gary had a new clip for Howard to play. It was a clip of Jack Palance doing a recording session where he was going off on the people who were producing. He was using the F-word and telling them that he knew how to do the job. Howard quickly played a song parody called ''Sticking Things in my Twat'' to the tune of ''Hit Me with Your Best Shot.'' He went to break a short time later.
Lisa said that she'll be investigating the temporary Artie Lange Deli outside and also talking to Joey Boots about maybe doing an intervention. She said they're also going to be talking to KC Armstrong who didn't show up to Howard's birthday party even after he said he would. Lisa told Howard that she heard The Intern Show and thought it was funny. The second episode hadn't aired yet so Howard had to correct her about that.
Howard had the intern who runs the show, Steve, come in to talk about what they'll have on tonight. Howard didn't know his name so he told Steve to cover that. Steve said they'll be talking to a bunch of new interns about how their internships have been going. Howard thanked Steve and Lisa G for coming in and let them go.
Howard asked Henry when he's going to learn his lesson about getting in trouble with the law because he just got out of jail. Henry was arrested for selling Meth but he claims he wasn't. He said he was just experimenting with it. Howard wondered why he would even experiment with it because he gets into trouble whenever he does that stuff. Henry is now 62 years old so Howard wondered when he's going to grow up and stop messing around with that stuff. Henry said that the papers lie about that stuff too. He told Howard that he had two dirty syringes in his suitcase and didn't remember they were in there. He claims that he uses them for painting actually.
Henry said that one syringe had traces of coke and the other had traces of Crystal Meth. He said he used that stuff because it wakes you up. Artie said that it keeps you up and tweaked for days at a time. Howard said that maybe Henry does that stuff because he's got so much guilt.
This guy Pauly who used to call in every time Henry was on old fashioned radio was back with them this morning. Howard accidentally hung up on Henry when he picked up on Pauly. Gary came in and said he heard some crazy stories about Henry. He was back on the line a minute later. Pauly asked Henry how he's doing and when they're going to come face to face so they can discuss some things about the old days. Henry said he's ready any time.
Gary said he read a rumor that there's a tape of Henry floating around where he gets raped by a man. Henry said that's true and the tape is floating around somewhere. Henry said they were trying to sell it to someone so Artie asked if it was ''America's Funniest Home Videos.'' Henry said that he had the shit beat out of him. Howard asked him to explain it better. It turns out some guys got him drunk and wanted to beat the shit out of him. They wanted to sell the tape to Larry Flynt.
Henry didn't want to explain it on the phone, he wanted to wait until he comes in live to talk about it. Pauly continued to go off on Henry about what a rat he is. Howard interrupted and tried to get more of Henry's rape story out of him. Henry told him that he was out in Nebraska and these guys put some stuff in his drink so he doesn't remember what happened. He said that the guys took him out into the woods and did stuff to him. Howard asked him if he put any penises in his mouth. Henry said that didn't happen and they just raped him.
Howard said that this was like an audition for Henry to get his own 1 hour show on his channels there at SIRIUS. Henry said that would be great and asked how much money he would get paid. Howard told him he wasn't going to pay him. Bob Levy added that they don't pay people who take it up the ass. Howard said that's right, he was going to pay him until he heard that he was taking it up the ass.
Henry said he'd like to talk to the kids on radio so that led to Howard coming up with an idea for him to do a show dressed as a clown. Pauly said that he'd like to bury the hatchet with Henry... right in the center of his forehead.
Howard said that he really wants to put this show together and tape it to air on Howard Stern On Demand. He tried to get more information out of Henry about this rape of his. Henry said that they put some shit in his drink that made him forget about what happened. Howard said he wants to know what drug can make you forget about taking it up the ass. Henry told Howard that these guys dragged him into the woods and used a strap-on to rape him. He said Howard will see the tape when he brings it in. Artie was laughing his ass off and saying ''... your poor mother...''
Henry said that the guys beat the fuck out of him and then pulled his pants down and raped him. Gary came back in and said that he has a note about a 2002 appearance where Henry claimed that he had given oral to a guy at some point. Henry took it back during that interview and he was denying it today. He said he'd admit to the rape that was caught on tape but the oral thing was a bunch of crap.
Howard said that he's going to watch this film and see if he blows a load during the rape. Henry says he didn't. Pauly got off the phone a short time later. Howard took some more phone calls. A bunch of people went off on him about the old days. Howard gave Henry a plug for his Sunday Gravy and said you can find out more at SundayGravy.net
Howard and Gary asked Henry more about this rape of his and how he couldn't remember taking a dildo up his ass the next day. Henry said he didn't take that much of it up his ass so it wasn't that memorable. Henry said he hasn't seen the tape himself so he's not sure how long the rape lasted or how much of that dildo he took. Howard thought the story was pretty amazing. Henry says that he didn't see the tape but his Attorney has a copy of it.
Henry said that the guys who did this to him were a couple of half-a-fags that he was drinking with at this bar. He didn't want to get into it anymore and wanted to save it for when he comes in but Howard kept trying to drag more and more of it out of him. Howard said he wants to see the tape and wants to put it on Howard Stern On Demand so they can do a live play for the fans.
Henry said that his voice is going so he wants to get off the line. Gary told Howard that they were contacted last year by some guys who may have been these guys. They sent along a couple of stills but they really couldn't see anything in them. Howard asked if the guys took turns raping him. Henry said that there was one guy taping and the other guy was fuckin' him.
Howard let Henry go after giving him another plug for his web site SundayGravy.net. Henry said that he'll be coming in next week to visit. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that maybe she's gained some weight and that's why she doesn't want to come in. He's seen her on some TV programs in the past couple of years and she has looked like she gained a few pounds. Howard told her to get in there already. He said she's got to be camera ready.
Gary went out to try and find Rachel but she wasn't back from going out to get some coffee yet. No one was sure where she was at. The good thing was that none of her people could hear what Howard was saying. Gary thought that she may have gone down to the Martha Stewart channel but they weren't sure. He tried to find her channel on his computer system. He listened in on the Maxim channel for a few seconds and then read through the rest of the channels and eventually found it. Rachel wasn't down there though.
Gary said that Rachel is out in the elevator area talking to her publicist. Howard said that she doesn't have that much of a career and she should just come in. Gary wasn't sure he wanted to go out there but Gary told him to get out there and tell her to come in now. Bob Levy said that her career is just one step above his. Artie added that she's just 45 minutes of shitty jokes away from being Bob Levy.
Howard told Gary to tell Rachel that she's not Julia Roberts. Gary didn't want to do that. AS he was talking to Rachel, the camera crew from In Demand came out and chased her away. Rachel said that was very disrespectful. She was leaving so Howard told her to get her fat ass in there and then called her a fucking cunt as she was walking out. He said that she was married to Rod Stewart and that's all she's ever done. Howard said that she's acting like she's some big star but she's not... She's just a fat ass.
Gary said that Rachel was telling him that they should be more respectful of their guests. Howard asked the In Demand guys what they were doing out there. Isaac Mark came in and said that he didn't have the camera on her, just on Gary. Howard told him he was trying to make something happen there and that didn't help. She didn't know that the camera wasn't on her. Howard continued to go off on her calling her the C-word and a ''stuck up asshole.''
Gary said that she was also saying something about her kids and there was no reason for that. Howard said that she has no career and she's done nothing with her life other than marrying Rod Stewart. He was cursing her out, calling her the C-word some more and a big cow. Rachel hadn't heard any of this while she was out there with Gary.
Howard said he just wanted to say hi to Rachel but it didn't work out. Gary gave Howard the plug that Rachel was going to get and it was for some channel he had never heard of. It was for the We Network. Howard said he was so glad when she was voted off Dancing with the Stars because she acted like a stuck up bitch. He also told her to lose some weight because God gave her the pretty face and she should take care of it.
Gary said that a bunch of people there at SIRIUS are going to be pissed because she was booked on four shows there. Martha Stewart's channel was one of them. Gary also said that the last line she said as she was leaving was ''Fuck this, I'm done for the day.''
Howard was going to try and move on from the Rachel Hunter thing but he couldn't quite get off of it. He was still pissed that she had such an attitude. He said that she's like a little child and a baby. He said she's ''nobody'' and she's got no career. He pointed out that she was on the Gilligan's Island reality show and that's like the door out of show business. He said she's a freak too.
Gary read some notes about Rachel. She did a show over in England where a bunch of people found her to be a bitch. Howard was still calling her a big, fat cow and a ''smelly pussy ass.'' He said they were in the middle of working their asses off trying to make a good show and she comes in there acting all high and mighty. He goofed on the We Network and how no one would ever pay extra for some shitty channel like that. No one is going to pay extra for Rachel Hunter. He said she looks more like Catfish Hunter these days.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was great when he flipped out and it was worth the $12.95 to hear it. He also asked Howard when they're going to open the bar in the studio. Howard said that they have a great bar in there but someone has been stealing the alcohol from them. One bottle of Jaeger is almost gone and two bottles of vodka is gone.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that someone who thinks they're entitled to anything there, Ralph, is the one who has been drinking the booze. Doug said that he's the one who stocked the bar but they've been taking it to use on the Superfan Roundtable show. He said that Ralph also used some glasses and left them there dirty. Doug said that the stuff in the studio should be for that show, not for the other shows. Howard agreed and said that they'll send out a memo about that. Howard was thinking about having a drink to calm himself down. He took a break instead.
Producer Ivan Reitman called in to wish Howard a happy birthday. He apologized for not showing up for his birthday party on Friday but he was filming a movie late that night. Howard said it's probably best that he didn't show up because he would have felt that he had to make sure that he was having a great time. Robin said that she would have taken care of that for him. Howard really appreciates that about Robin. He's in the middle of buying her something because he appreciates her so much and he had a big smile on his face as he was picking out the gift because he figures she's really going to like it.
Ivan told Howard that he was out a bit later than he thought he was going to be shooting this movie of his. They have Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson in the movie and Uma is playing a super hero. The movie is called ''My Super Ex-Girlfriend.'' Howard talked about how he thought that he could have gotten Uma at some point. Ivan said that he's pretty sure that wouldn't have happened.
Howard told Ivan that he wants to give him a tour of the new studios sometime. Ivan needs to do it on the weekend sometime but he's sure that Howard won't make it there on a weekend. Howard said he would do it for him though. Artie asked Ivan if he remembers when he worked for him. Ivan knew that it was on ''Old School'' and another movie called ''Father's Day.'' Artie said that was a pro right there because he remembered that. All of Artie's lines were cut out of ''Father's Day'' though. Ivan said he could never get that movie right and had to leave his part out. Howard let Ivan go a short time later.
Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about the big birthday party and how much work went into it. Robin said that Sal was going to put together a video history of the show for them but the guys at In Demand didn't have time to help him out so that didn't happen. Then Robin wanted to have George Takei read a history of the show while sitting in a smoking jacket. That didn't work out either so Robin didn't show it to Howard.
Captain Janks played a prank call that he could never play on terrestrial radio because he uses the F-word in it. He quickly played that and then Howard played the Casey Kasem hissy fit audio clips because Janks had requested them. They had never been able to play them uncensored until now. Howard said he has to play those clips about once a month because it's so funny to hear him freaking out over such dopey stuff that no one is going to care about.
Janks asked Howard if he could ever play Butt Bongo Fiesta or U.S. Open Sores on Howard Stern On Demand. Howard said that he would have to go to Infinity about that and they're not being very cooperative right now. He said that he could generate a lot of money for them but there are a couple of guys there who have a bug up their ass over him and won't give him. He said that Joel Hollander was actually pretty good to him but he wishes they'd be a little less uptight about that stuff.
Artie said he would tongue kiss Penny no problem. He said he wouldn't take a dildo up his ass or anything like that. All of the guys were trying to come up with something. Robin suggested they do a ''Hair'' thing where they all stand naked with their backs to the camera. Robin said that she wouldn't like to do it, but for 10 million listeners, she might do it. That's 10 million by the end of 2006 though. Howard said he would agree to it because he doesn't think it'll be that many listeners by then. He said he really can't agree to it knowing that he'd have to get naked in front of everyone. He said that he feels that his penis looks like his nose, it's long and thin, and he doesn't want anyone to see it.
Howard said that maybe they could have everyone sit on that Sybian attachment. Richard suggested that they all get peed on by Sal. All of the guys asked Richard what the hell is wrong with him to even think of something like that. Sal then came in and suggested that they all get in a dark room and fondle each other's genitals. Everyone asked him what was wrong with him as well.
Artie said that he was thinking about maybe go to a Nets game and try to sit through the whole game. Howard said he wouldn't be able to do that. Richard suggested that they all have to make out with High Pitch Eric. No one wants to do that either. Bob Levy suggested that they all stand in a line and fuck each other from behind.
Howard put Eric on the line and told him that he's never had anything to say so Eric told him that the voice mail isn't his real personality. He treats people the same way they treat him. Eric said that he wants to do an American Idol recap the morning after the show. Howard said that would be the most boring stuff and it would ruin the show.
Howard then asked Eric to do his recap. Eric gave a run down that was just as bad as Howard said it would be. Eric read his notes and Howard muted his voice so he could talk about how sad this is and what a mess Eric is. He said that he might actually listen to this guy if he gave him his own radio show. Howard said that they could let him do his own show but talk over the whole thing. He also suggested that they put him on with Rachel Hunter or something like that... or maybe on the Henry Hill kids show.
Howard told Eric that he'd give him a half hour show and let him do what he wants. Artie suggested they paint him purple and let some guys fuck Henry Hill with Eric. Howard said he's going to have Tim Sabean call him and set him up to do an American Idol recap show next Wednesday. Eric then asked if he could do a Grammy wrap up as well.
Eric said that he might post the write up on his blog later today. Howard played some audio clips from last night's ''American Idol'' so we could hear just how bad some of the auditions were. One of the guys kept singing the chorus to ''I shot the sheriff'' over and over again. Howard said that clip was kind of scary because the guy was a real cop and was singing about shooting the sheriff. Howard played another one where this effeminate guy got up and sang. Eric knew just who it was but had to turn on his Palm Pilot to get the information. He found the guys' information and said his contestant number was 2736. Levy heard that and asked Eric if he's ever thought about going outside. You can read Eric's blog at MySpace.com
Howard told Eric that he's going to set him up with a show that will probably be the most horrible show ever... and he probably won't have any listeners. Eric sarcastically thanked him for having faith in him. Howard told him to prove him wrong. He then gave Eric a $500 prize. Eric thanked him for that and said that he really appreciates that. Bob suggested that he get himself a hooker but Eric isn't into that. Howard goofed on him, doing his voice and creating the call that might take place if Eric did call a hooker. Eric got going a short time later and thanked Howard for the money.
Howard replayed the voice mail that Eric left for them where he said he was sick of this shit and that Howard should start taking calls from his old listeners. He demanded that he be allowed on the air and that Howard was a piece of shit. He also played a prank call that Sal and Richard pulled on Eric when he called into the show recently. Sal pretended to be Howard and had Eric fooled for a couple of minutes. Sal was asking Eric to do a bunch of crazy stuff so he eventually figured out it wasn't him. Howard went to break after that.
Howard sent Gary down to Martha's channel and told him to ask them if they have a problem with him. Howard listened in to their channel as Gary went down there. Howard was pretty sure that Gary wasn't going to find anyone live on the air down there. They're going to hook them up with a live feed into the studio so it'll sound like they're live in there with them.
Meanwhile, George Flowers came in with a news update. George said that they're going to have a report about KC Armstrong being back in rehab. That's the reason he didn't show up to Howard's birthday party. They'll also be doing a follow up on Rachel Hunter. Howard played an audio clip that Sal and Richard put together of Gary and Rachel's conversation and it was a lot of pig sounds and Sal doing his Gary impression. George let Howard know that they'll be doing a report about Joey Boots because friends of his are worried about him. George also said that Sean Rooney, Beetlejuice's manager, is still in the hospital but he is making improvements.
Gary was going to head down to the Martha Stewart channel and Howard was going to break in and talk to them... but he didn't think that the show that was on was the one that was bad mouthing him. He tried to tell Gary that but he wasn't able to get through to him. They were listening to the awful show that was on Martha's channel where they were talking about the need for sleep. Bob pointed out that everyone knows that already and pointed out some other obvious things like the fact that guys like pussy.
Gary came back and told Howard that the show that bad mouthed them was off the air at 9. He said that he went down there and they told him the show was over at 9 so they weren't going to let him in the room.
A listener called in and told Robin that he didn't like her revelation yesterday. He thought it was no big deal and she didn't have any right to yell at Howard about hers. Howard said he got a lot of feedback about the revelation show and people were backing him up. He said that Mary McCormack thought his revelation was a 10. There was one guy who said that Robin's diarrhea story was better than the meat and vegetables thing. Everyone agreed that Scott the Engineer's revelation was the best of the bunch. He told everyone that he cheated on his wife and got caught.
Gary came in and said he was in 9th grade and was in school at the time. He said that this new kid, a black kid, had just started there. Gary was tapping his pencil on the table and the guy told him to stop tapping it. Some words were exchanged, the guy called him a white honky or something like that and then Gary made the mistake of telling the guy to ''shut up nig*er.'' The kid got up, came around the table, and starts pummeling him in the face. Gary said his nose started to bleed and then got his face smashed into the table. When he had his face smashed into the table, his lip was split open. That's why he had to get the stitches.
Gary said he felt awful from the second he said that word but the thing that made him the most uncomfortable was that people were telling him ''good work'' and he was being treated like a hero. Howard said that the guy was giving him shit. Maybe he didn't need the N-word to be used but he did need something said to him.
Gary was asked to stay home from school for 3 days because it caused so much racial tension there at the school he was at. Howard wants to talk to that guy and Gary seems to think that he could get the guy on the show. He knows that some of his friends have seen the guy around so he might be able to get him. Howard told him to make sure they get him before Howard 100 News does... They've already gotten the KC Armstrong scoop and Howard said he would have liked to have gotten that himself.
Richard Christy came in and told Howard that they had some tape of Gary getting into that fight. Howard started to play the parody clip but as soon as it started, it was very racist. He almost didn't play it but his curiosity got the best of him and he played the awful bit. It wasn't as bad as it seemed it was going to be.
Artie told a story about going to buy a Richard Pryor album one time. The title of the album was ''That nig*er's crazy'' but when he went to the store to buy it, the guy behind the counter was a big black guy and he wasn't able to ask for it. He ended up getting a Bangles tape instead. That led to them playing The Bangles ''Walk Like an Egyptian.'' The guys talked about how hot the lead singer of that band was. The guys wondered if she's still hot these days. Bob said he saw her a few years ago and she was still hot. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard played an American Idol remix that the guys created in the back. Robin said that she's really sick of that show and the people who have been on in the past. She said that if they lose, they should never come back again.
Howard read some more mail about the revelation show and other stuff. One person said that he's been listening to at least 5 to 5 1/2 hours worth of show every day and it's actually ''too much'' entertainment.
Howard heard that David Lee Roth had a meltdown yesterday and he was pulling the stuff down from his studio walls after melting down. Howard said that there was a moving truck there and they were taking down some of his wacky stuff. He's not talking about that on the air though. Benjy said he heard that Dave didn't use their old studio because there was asbestos all over it. Howard said if that's true, he's going to have a problem. Dave ended up using a smaller studio at the station instead. Howard said he's just heard that David Lee Roth is very difficult to work with over there.
Howard read more mail about a bunch of things. One person wrote in and asked why Howard has been banning some of the guys from cursing because they were supposed to be free to curse. Howard said that the first couple of days were out of control and he wanted to curb the gratuitous use of curse words a little bit. They're not holding back now though.
People are missing George Takei already and are asking Howard to bring him back. Robin said she heard Howard 100 News interviewing George's partner Brad and it was very interesting. Howard had more mail to get to but he wanted to let Robin do her news.
During the news a caller suggested that Howard and the guys shit their pants in public for that 10 million subscriber mark thing they were talking about earlier. Howard told the guy they'd think about it but no one was really interested in crapping their pants in public. Howard took a few more phone calls and then had Robin get back to her news. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the show talking about yesterday's show where he cursed out Rachel Hunter. He said that people have been writing in about that tirade and some people thought it was too much cursing, some thought it was the best segment ever.
Howard also said that he's going to go down to the Martha Stewart channel to confront them over what they were saying about him yesterday. Someone wrote in and said they've heard Martha's daughter Alexis going off on Artie on her radio show. Howard said he'll be going down there himself to see what their problem is with him.
Robin suggested getting tea bagged or getting a Roman Soldier helmet. Howard said he was thinking that he really doesn't want a Roman Soldier helmet where a guy sits on your face and runs his penis down your nose like a Roman Soldier's helmet. Artie said that won't be happening for him. Howard thinks that would be the worst thing to ever happen to him to have a picture of him up on his web site getting a Roman Soldier Helmet. Robin said there's always the offer to take an inch up their asses. No one is into that either.
A phone caller told Howard he loves the 9 o'clock replay of the show because he's been up drinking since then. That led to him asking Howard and Artie about their drinking. Artie has always been a drinker but Howard missed out on that stage of his life.
Sal and Richard were busy writing song parodies about Rachel yesterday so Howard played a couple of their song parodies. They did one to the tune of ''Walk like an Egyptian.'' There was another one that they did to the tune of an Elvis song where they sang about why she's famous just for sucking a cock... Rod Stewart's cock. There was another one to the tune of The Beatles' ''Yesterday.'' They even had a bumper for the show where they talk about how there's no more FCC and now there's no more Rachel Hunter.
Robin said that someone was telling her that they had to have a villain on the show and no one knew it was going to be Rachel Hunter. She also said that Benjy was all set to pull his Anna Nicole bit on Rachel since she's gained a few pounds. Sal and Richard were creating all kinds of bits about her. There was one where Richard called in as Rod's penis. There was another one where Sal reenacted the part of Gary asking Rachel to come in too.
Gary said that they asked Rachel to call into the Wrap Up Show yesterday and they thought that she was going to call in but she never got through. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves that Howard is ripping that cunt a new asshole. Bob Levy said he likes that one and may put that on a T-shirt. Howard went to break a short time after that.
Howard played a prank call that Jeff the Drunk made to a bus company trying to get a job. Jeff told the woman he was talking to that he accidentally hit a couple of kids but they were a couple of black kids so it didn't matter. She hung up on him multiple times. Another guy picked up the phone after the 3rd or 4th time. That guy also hung up on him as he was screaming about how he wanted a job.
A listener called in and complained about the show getting a little dirty because his kid could tune in and listen. Gary came in and told Howard that the unit has an FM modulator built in and he can turn it off. The guy didn't seem to care that it was that easy to turn off. He started to tell Howard another story but Howard was bored by him so he hung up.
Howard read some e-mail about yesterday's show. People were writing in about Rachel Hunter's tantrum and how funny it was that Howard went off on her when she confused to be on camera. Howard said the great part of the show was when Henry Hill told them about his ass rape. He read some more mail about Rachel Hunter and a lot of people thought it was a great moment when Howard went off on him.
There were some people who thought he went over the line by using the C-word when yelling about her leaving. Howard said that he was just reacting in a natural way and didn't use the word just to use it. One person wrote in and said that Howard's cursing has gone too far and that Howard should curb that cursing on the air. Howard said he's just trying go figure out the way he wants to do things.
Howard read one e-mail from a person who said that Rachel wasn't that cuntie four months ago when they worked with her. That person isn't sure what happened to her since then. Another writer said that Howard is taking his swearing too far and they don't think he needs to go there because he's got much more talent than it would suggest.
Bob said that he did go out with Tabitha Stevens one night and she blew him. He said that she was doing the porn star thing by spitting on his dick and his dick was looking at her and wondering what he did to her. Howard said that the chick that Bob was out with the other night was pretty hot. Bob said that's over and he's going to find someone else. Artie said that Bob dated Kim for a long time and she was very nice.
Bob said that he'll see Tabitha Stevens again when she comes to town. He said that he really thinks she's cool but it's hard to impress a chick whose had a mile of cock up her ass. Artie was telling Howard that Bob drinks a lot. Artie has to drive because Bob gets so wasted. Howard wanted to see what happens when Bob gets drunk. Bob was ready to go up to the bar and pour himself some drinks.
Richard Christy came in and told Howard that Bob gets to the clubs about 3 hours early just so he can start drinking. He also said that Bob makes them go and get him his drinks. Sal isn't too happy about that but it is Bob Levy after all. Sal said that he has to walk through the audience after doing his act. Howard asked him why he does it if he doesn't like it. Gary thinks he does it because he's afraid that he won't be asked back to another show.
Howard doesn't understand why Sal and Richard do these things for Bob if they don't like it. Sal and Richard said that Bob is old and crotchety so they help him out. Artie said that he never asks those guys to get him anything and he's done shows with them a few times.
Gary said that Bob is this comedian who can do a whole 45 minute show and kill but it's Sal and Richard who get the plugs in for the shows that get Bob the huge crowds. That's where the friction comes in. Sal said that the reason that Bob has problems with women is because he eats blue cheese dressing out of women's asses on stage and then goes back and tells the girlfriend that it's his job. Richard and Sal said that it's also funny the day after the shows when Bob gets really sick so they have to drive him around. Bob said that happened one time.
Bob told a story about Sal going up to a chick that he ate blue cheese dressing from and spitting on her. Sal said that she was a porn star and she had just had Levy eat blue cheese dressing out of her ass. Howard told Bob that he's too good to have to eat blue cheese dressing out of someone's ass. Artie said that he used to have to follow that act so he had to ask him to stop.
Gary said that it's great to see Bob eating the dressing but it's not really funny, it's bizarre. Bob said that he did it one night and it stuck. Howard wondered why he's not afraid of getting some disease or something. Bob said that he's fine after that and never gets tested. Howard doesn't get that whole thing but Bob said people love it. He said he has had some bad ass before. One chick out in Pennsylvania must have taken a shit before going to the comedy show and he caught a whiff of it.
Sal told a story about Bob going into a peep booth one time and smearing his load on the window. Then he told Sal to go in there and check this chick out. He told him to get right up to the window to see her and that's when Sal saw his load.
Artie said that comedians are horrible because they all want to see you fail. He said it's brutal when you get up there and have people goofing on you. He said that once he was able to headline he got his payback.
Howard asked Bob what comedians he wouldn't want to hang around these days. Bob said that it's probably Sal now. He and Sal went off on each other for a few seconds. He was also going off on Richard about how red he is and how he looks like a dog's penis. That led to Bob telling a story about Richard paying $180 for a hand job from a hooker and she ended up putting lotion on Richard's hand and had him beat himself off. He paid $180 to give himself a hand job!
Artie told a story about doing a show with another comedian who ended up bathing his feet in a bowl of tea. He said that the guy seemed kind of gay to him and that's the kind of guy he doesn't want to spend time around. Howard wanted to know who they really hate. That led to the guys talking about Jackie the Joke Man and how he used to have a rule that the guys he'd follow couldn't curse in their act. Bob said he ran into Jackie yesterday and asked him to do the roast show that he's going to be doing on Howard 100. Jackie told him he probably wouldn't do it but asked him to e-mail him anyway. Bob went on to say that Jackie helped him out a lot when he was starting out.
Artie said that Norm Macdonald is the king of fucking with comedians at clubs. He said that Norm once pulled him aside at a comedy club in San Francisco and told him not to tell any fag jokes. Artie said that he only had about 2 minutes worth of material. He said that after sweating through 20 minutes of material he introduced Norm and he went right up on stage and did an AIDS joke and then did an hour of gay jokes.
Tabitha Stevens called in and said that Bob is really cool and totally awesome. Howard wanted to know why she blew Bob and why. She said that she might go out with him if he wanted. Richard asked her how big Bob was in the pants. Tabitha said that he's actually very big. Sal said that Bob whips it out all the time in the green room. Tabitha said that she was very impressed with Bob's size and it's probably one of the biggest she's had. She also said that she blew him because she doesn't know him all that well. That got people laughing pretty hard.
Howard asked Tabitha about the time that Jeff the Drunk wanted anal from her. She ended up using her hand on him instead because he couldn't get it up for that. She explained how Jeff had something going on down there but as soon as the condom was on, it went limp. She told Jeff that the anal wasn't going to work so Jeff asked to do a Bukkake on her. Tabitha said she let Jeff finish on her chest. Bob couldn't believe that he licked an area where Jeff the Drunk dropped a load.
Bob said that he and Tabitha hung out in a hotel room out in Vegas where he was sharing a room with Jim Florentine. Florentine was in the next bed giggling as Tabitha was blowing him. Howard asked if Tabitha did Jim too. She said she didn't but Bob wondered if Howard was talking to him. He joked that he finished Jim off himself. Bob said that Tabitha didn't swallow his load, she just threw a towel at him so he could clean himself up.
Howard said that he probably could have gotten Tabitha at one time but he didn't think she was into him. Tabitha said she was into him but he is a bit intimidating to people. Bob asked Howard if he wanted to pull a train on her with him. Howard doesn't want to go there with him.
Howard checked in with the Martha Stewart channel to see if they were on the air yet. They were still playing audio clips and not doing a live show yet. He wondered when they go live so he can head down there. Sal said that he saw Martha out in the hall the other day and she looked friggin hot to him. He said he'd do her no problem. Howard said he'd head down there later on.
Lisa let Howard know that she has some audio from Rachel Hunter's tirade out in the lobby yesterday. Gary said they caught Rachel saying that they never get any decent guests. Howard played a clip of that but the feed wasn't very good. Lisa said she has a better clip from her news report that ran last night.
Howard said that he heard that one of the interns on The Intern Show last night went off on Lisa. The host of The Intern Show, Steve, came in and defended what he said last night. Greg from In Demand also came in and told Howard that he finds Lisa attractive. Gary told him that she's single and he's single so maybe they should hook up. Lisa said that it would be like a Demi Moore thing if she did date him. Howard told Lisa to go out and find those Rachel Hunter clips for him. He went to break right after that.
Gary told Howard that he should listen to a clip from last night's show because there was a guy who looked like a girl. Howard played the clip where this dude was talking about how people mistake him for a girl all the time. Howard wondered why he'd find that funny if he was dressed like a woman. The guy sang a Whitney Houston song and of course he was turned down. After being turned down the guy said that he knows that he was just turned down because he was a guy singing girl songs. Howard said that Mark Cronin should grab all of those people, put them in a house and create a TV show about it.
Howard told Gary to get her in there so he could talk to her. He gave her a plug for her CD ''In My Own Backyard'' as Gary went out to get her. When she came walking in the guys were impressed with the way she looked. She said she weighs somewhere between 125 and 130 pounds and she's 5'11'' tall. Howard asked her if she wears the Mormon ''magic underwear'' like some do. She said she doesn't call them ''magic'' but they are sacred. Howard talked to Rich Shroeder about that when he was on a couple of years ago. Howard wanted to know more about that underwear but they ended up talking about her marriage to Larry King instead.
Shawn told Howard that Larry is a wonderful, fantastic husband but she was laughing as she was answering the question. Howard said she must crave a younger man sometimes because she spends a lot of time on her look. Howard said he thought she married Larry for his money but after hearing that she made a lot of money on some hair extension thing, he no longer believes that. He asked her if they signed a pre-nup. She said there was no pre-nup.
Robin asked her if there was pre-marital sex. She said ''absolutely not'' and said that they met on December 21, 1996 and were married less than a year later. Gary came in and told Howard that Shawn's father was there because he's her business manager... and only 3 years older than Larry. Gary said that on Larry's first date with Shawn, he had Al Pacino come in to meet with them just to impress her. Howard thought that was kind of lame and wondered what she thought about it. She thought it was very sweet. He figured she'd run for the hills after a guy pulled a stunt like that.
Shawn told Howard that she and Larry did make out before they got married but she didn't put her hand down his pants or anything like that. She said that she's a good girl and Larry had to work hard to get her. Howard said that it was a big risk to take to not have sex before getting married. Shawn said that they met on in December 1996 and were married on September 5, 1997. Larry was willing to go that long without sex. Shawn told Howard that her son Danny just got married and he was a virgin until the age of 24. Artie said he must be thrilled that she's announcing that.
Shawn said that she actually had to wait 6 weeks after getting married before she could have sex with Larry because he was in the hospital at the time. Howard told her that she needs a good, hard workout. She told Howard that Larry is 72 so Howard asked her how old she is. She didn't want to say so Howard told her she looks like she's in her 30s (she's 46).
Howard asked Shawn how she and Larry keep things hot in the bedroom. She said that they do have costumes they wear sometimes and Larry has an Indian outfit he wears for her that turns her on. She was also talking about the lingerie that she wears for Larry. She was also telling Howard that he dresses up like a doctor and she will dress up like a nurse. Artie said that Larry actually has a real nurse. Shawn didn't seem to appreciate that little joke. She also didn't want to talk about Larry's penis or anything like that in detail.
Howard asked Shawn what it was like the first night that they made love. He figured they must have ripped their clothes off and just went right to it. Shawn made it seem like that's what happened but wouldn't give Howard any details. Howard told her that she's got some sexy legs and she must be good in bed because she's been with Larry for so long. She must be doing something right.
Shawn and Howard talked about Larry's many wives which totals seven according to Shawn. Howard thought it was more than that but she was pretty sure that she was the seventh wife. Howard asked Shawn why she married a Jewish guy instead of another Mormon. Artie said it's because Jews have more money than Mormons. She told Howard that she had money of her own before she married him though and she's really in love with Larry. She told the guys that he doesn't use any Viagra because it would probably kill him because of his heart.
Howard got back to the Mormon sacred underwear. Shawn said that it's about promises and reminders and she was wearing it today. Howard wondered what it looks like. She said that it's so sacred to her that Larry has never seen them. Howard assumed that it was white and that her bra must be a Mormon bra. Howard told her that if he was with her, he would make love to her with her sacred underpants on. Artie asked if she makes Larry wear sacred diapers. Howard thought that was a low blow. Artie blamed it on Bob Levy and pointed him out to her as she stood up. Howard told her to sit down because he was staring at her ass.
Howard couldn't get past the Mormon underwear. He asked her more about them and asked exactly what they do for her. She wasn't willing to talk about them that much though. He tried to find out if there were special symbols on them but she refused to talk about them. Howard said she must keep Larry from seeing them because they're not all that flattering. She said they're fine and she doesn't show them to anyone.
Howard gave Shawn another plug for her CD ''In My Own Backyard'' and Artie said she's putting up with a lot of crap just to plug that CD. Howard played some audio of Wendy the Retard singing ''Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'' as an example of her CD. He then played some a couple of other quick clips of Wendy singing karaoke style before actually playing some of Shawn's actual CD. Howard asked her to e-mail him some shots of her in a bikini. Shawn said she'd check with Larry first and let him know if he was okay with it.
Howard played a little bit of Shawn's CD and asked her if she was wearing her sacred underwear when she recorded it. She said she may have been. She told Howard that she's going to be making a video for the single she has out now. Howard wondered if she's made love to Larry to her song and said it would be really weird if they did. Shawn said they don't do that.
Gary came in and told Howard that he heard that Shawn's father is upset about the topics they're discussing. Shawn told Howard that he's probably upset about the sacred garment discussions. Howard said that maybe they should make fun of some other religion instead. Gary started him off by saying ''How 'bout those Jews?'' Howard said that ever religion has their own weird things. Artie said that he thinks those sacred garments are going to make Larry's money disappear.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that this chick would be boring on any other show but he was making it very interesting. Howard started to wrap up with Shawn after that. He gave her another plug for her album and played another clip from it as he went to break.
After the break Fred played a Touch Tone Terrorists prank call where they jerk a guy around who wants to cancel a service. Howard then told everyone that they're putting a picture of he and Shawn King about to kiss after the interview earlier. Artie said he heard that Shawn's father was yelling at her out in the hallway when she left. Ronnie was out there so he came in to fill them in. He said that the guy was pacing back and forth the whole time and then yelled at her out in the lobby. He saw the guy waving his arms out in the lobby as he was going off on her. Howard said that she should get that guy out of her life.
Bob Levy made a joke about how Howard's news stories are going to get worse next week when they reveal that he had his clit removed. Howard said that's the great wit of the Reverend Bob Levy and gave him a plug for a gig he has coming up soon.
Howard mentioned some of the guests they have coming in soon. They'll have Bernie Mac, Jon Stewart and the band Train coming in to re-record some of their best stuff. He wants to recreate some of the classic bits and songs that they lost since Infinity wouldn't hand them over.
KC talked about his past stints in rehab and how they're putting him through another program on a scholarship. Teh guy who runs the rehab center got on and talked to the reporter about KC's problems as well. Howard thought the whole report was kind of depressing. KC will be on the show to talk to them about all of that tomorrow.
Howard quickly went through the top 5 songs in the country. He also threw in some song parodies in the middle of them.
Howard asked Roy if he ever bashed gays just to fit in with the rest of the guys. Roy said that didn't happen a lot but he did play along when that would come up. Roy said that things were different back then in the 70s and 80s. Howard asked him if he would be more into Joe Namath or Phil Simms. Roy said that it would be Joe. Howard asked him who he like in the NFL now. He said that he likes Tiki Barber. Howard wondered if he's into Ronde Barber as well. Roy said he might take him if Tiki wasn't around.
Howard asked him to talk about some of the guys on his team who were hot to him. He was talking about some of his teammates and Artie threw in a name as well. Artie said that he knew that Roy would have liked Beasley Reese. Roy said that he would check out some of the guys in the shower but he wouldn't think about them when he was pleasuring himself.
Howard asked Roy how big Lawrence Taylor was. Roy said that he was big and he's a big guy all around. Howard asked him just how bit it was but Roy would only say that he was ''well endowed.'' Howard gave him a plug for his book ''Out of Bounds'' and asked him about some of the stuff he talks about in there. Roy said that he was raped when he was a young boy and it was by a postal worker that lived a few doors down from his family. Roy said that the guy grabbed him one day and raped him and it only happened the one time. He said his grandmother found out about it when she found his bloodied underwear in his drawer.
Roy said that he used to be really scared to turn the corner of the neighborhood because of the rape that took place. He said even today he doesn't trust his mail. He said he prefers email to regular mail now. Roy also told Howard about how he was outted by a family member who thought he wasn't being fair to the woman he was dating at the time.
Roy talked about his cocaine use back in the 1980s. Howard told him that he knows a couple of guys who had problems with that stuff. Artie is one of them. Bob added that the coke will take you to a bad place... To a cock. Roy told Howard that he's both a receiver and a giver when it comes to gay sex. Artie asked him if he dreamed of playing center for the Giants because that would seem like a dream job for him. Roy said no to that question. Howard asked him how he pictures them having sex. Roy said he would probably do 69 with him. Bob Levy said that it would be a 61 since Howard is so skinny.
Roy told Howard that he did get AIDS but he is undetectable when he has a blood test done. He said that he was into male prostitution for a while after he got out of the NFL. Roy talked about the things he used to do back when he was a prostitute. He said he did all kinds of stuff and even did some S and M stuff and would even give golden showers. He said he never shit on anyone but he's seen it done.
Roy said that he was rarely recognized but there were a couple of guys who would. He said that there was one guy he used to give NFL stuff to so he wouldn't go out and tell the press what he was up to. He also told a story about how he had his NFL ring stolen from him by a guy who he was having sex with. He said the guy stole that ring and a bunch of that stuff he kept in his jewelry box.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who asked him how big his big black cock was and if it's cut or uncut. Roy said ''Wow!'' when he heard that. He went on to say that he is pretty well endowed and he's uncircumcised because the doctors told his mother that he didn't need it. Howard figured he must be extra large if that's the case.
Roy talked about how he used to dress up as a woman and visit gay bath houses. Gay Ramone knew of one of the places he used to visit. Howard gave Roy an F, Marry, Kill game to play. Here's how he answered...
Howard wished Roy luck with his book and gave him another plug for it. He also asked him one last question. He asked him if he's ever picked up a jock strap and smelled it after the rest of the team left. Roy said he has done that but it was just a random one, not anyone in particular. He even kept the jock strap after doing that. Howard told him that if he was gay, he would be honored to date him. He went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard played a clip of a Rachel Hunter excuse for her not coming in yesterday. The woman they had said that she left because she had to take a dump and didn't want to do it in public so she went back to her hotel room.
Howard had George Flowers from Howard 100 News come on and give them and update on what they had coming up. George mentioned that they were going to be covering the indecency meetings down in Washington DC. That led to Howard talking about how the government is working it's way toward censoring satellite radio and that will eventually lead to them censoring books and magazines as well. That's when free speech will no longer exist. He said that they never talked about censoring satellite radio until he moved to SIRIUS. Howard said that they would have to change the U.S. Constitution if they did start censoring satellite radio. They're saying that it would level the playing field for terrestrial radio but that's a bunch of crap. Howard gave out a hearty ''Fuck Clear Channel!'' during that conversation.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that he talks too much during his interviews. She complained about Howard not listening to Roy during the interview. Howard said he does get kind of distracted and jumps all over the pace. Robin told Howard that what she was complaining about not hearing was discussed and there was no more to the story.
George Flowers got back to his update and said that they will have Steve Langford down in Washington to cover the story they're doing today. Howard said he heard from Jeff Jarvis who tried to get some people down to the indecency hearings. It was a futile effort because he couldn't get anyone to listen to what he had to say. Comcast cable has already agreed to a family friendly tier on their system and Howard thinks that's ridiculous. Howard said that it's cable, people have to pay for it, there shouldn't be any regulations on that kind of thing.
Howard read that this guy Brent Bosel from the Parents Television Council will also be there. Howard said that this guy has no clout and shouldn't be there.
George Flowers said that they'll have an interview with Joey Boots and the Mr. Skin update. Jon Hein from the Wrap Up Show came on and mentioned some of the things they'll be talking about during their show immediately after Howard's show. Jon said they'll be going over the Shawn King interview and talking to Bob Levy about what it's like working with Sal and Richard on the road. Jon said they'll also talk about Howard's interviews with sports stars and how he does them not knowing much about sports.
Eric gave Howard a quick F, Marry, Kill game. Here are the choices and Howard's picks...
Robin said she had an idea but wasn't sure. Gary gave them a hint and said it was part of a famous singing team. Eric didn't know but Fred finally figured it out. Howard still didn't know either. Eric was guessing ''something Carpenter'' but it was actually Art Garfunkle. Fred got it right.
Howard played the next clip which was Richard trying to get Cliff to say the name. Howard gave Eric the $500 since it was so hard. Gary asked if he wanted to play another one. Howard said it was getting late and he wanted a break before their weekly meeting. He played the next one anyway and it was another one that was unrecognizable. Gary just listened to them yesterday and he couldn't even figure them out. Howard didn't bother finishing the game, he went to a commercial break instead.
The caller also mentioned that he saw Beth hosting a show (on SpikeTV) last night and Howard is one lucky man. Howard said he knows that he's a lucky man. He said her show just got picked up for another season and she just did another national commercial so she's doing well. He was also talking about how people still think that she's engaged because of the ring she's been wearing lately. Howard said it's not an engagement ring and she's not trying to hide it from anyone.
Another caller told Howard that he's done with regular radio because things have gotten so bad as far as the censoring. Howard said he heard a tape of Steve Dahl talking about him the other day. Dahl was apparently saying that Howard needs constraints like they have on regular radio to be funny. Howard said he doesn't believe that's true and he hasn't felt funnier since moving to satellite. He had a clip of that Steve Dahl thing so he played the boring clip. Dahl said that he needs limits and something to push against to be funny. He thinks that Howard needs the same to be funny. Howard said he doesn't believe that and funny is funny. The clip was actually from a TV show, not from Dahl's radio show.
A listener called in during the news and guessed that the last Cliff Pallete clip they played was ''Bruce Springsteen.'' Howard told him that if he got it right, he'd give him the $500. He played the clip again and it turned out he was right. He played the clip of Richard asking him to say Bruce's name. Howard said that Cliff's mother could have had his cleft palette fixed when he was a kid but she bought a car instead.
Another caller told Howard that WCCC in Hartford sucks now that Howard is gone. Howard said that he hasn't spent a second thinking about FM radio since he left. Now he's in a new universe and spends his time on that. He said that the only time the FM stuff comes into play is when Tim Sabean asks him if they want to hire a new guy from FM. He said he's leaving all of that up to Tim for now so the two channels are all his call. He said he's got some other shows he wants to develop himself but Tim is going to program a lot of the other stuff.
Robin said she's been listening to the two Howard channels every day and had to stop herself because she's got so many other things she needs to do. She said she was supposed to go on Bubba's show but now that she's listened to it, she's afraid to go into the studio alone. Howard said she'll probably end up on her back with Bubba eating her out.
Howard told Bob Levy that he wants to see him eat the blue cheese dressing out of a chick's ass before the end of the week. Bob told Howard to get a chick in there and he'll do it. Howard told him to get his own chick and do it and suggested having Tabitha Stevens come in to do it.
Artie asked how much the nose job cost him. Howard said it was under $10,000 but didn't give an exact cost. He never really thought about revealing it in the past because he knew that every newspaper would report on it and people would stare at him. That's now happening, he's got people staring at his nose when he talks to them.
Howard and Ralph spent some time talking about the days when he was still single and trying to meet tons of chicks. There were always chicks out when they'd go out together. They remembered the days when Howard had women floating around him like flys to shit. As soon as Howard would leave, the women would disperse and Ralph would be stuck with the bill.
Howard talked about one day when he picked up a chick at a club and took her out of there. As they were leaving, a bouncer asked her not to push him. She said ''Fuck you nig***!'' so Howard wanted to get out of there. He said that was the last time he wanted to sleep with a chick he met in a club. She was yelling out the N-word to a bouncer in a club, that's crazy. Richard came in and told Howard that he should give a show to Ralph and some of his other friends to talk about what it was like when Howard was dating. Howard said that wasn't something he was looking to do, they'll keep that on the show.
Artie told a story about how he found out that Howard was divorced after watching an episode of Saturday Night Live where they goofed on it. He said he remembers talking to his buddies about how many chicks Howard must have banged after getting the divorce. Howard said that he hadn't had another woman since he was 19 so he had a lot of work to do. He wanted to get off of that and get back to Robin's news. It was almost 11:00 by that point.
Howard took a call very late in the news from a guy who asked if he could run his name on the SIRIUS tuner scroll. Howard said they'd do that and even gave the guy a $500 prize. They ran his name, Toke Thatcher, across the scroll and added ''... Has a big dick.'' Howard had them change it to ''penis'' so they wouldn't piss off people who were listening at work. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
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Howard started off the show complaining about people touching his stuff in the studio. He said he's now worried that they're going to be doing the Friday shows out of there because people are going to be messing with his stuff. There are people working in there all the time so he's not sure who is actually touching the stuff. Artie said that Thom the Engineer might be the guy to blame but Howard thinks Thom is fine and takes care of everything.
Gary said that all of the engineers there are very helpful and don't say no to anything. He also said that they have a lot of help from people around the whole company too. Howard was going mental over the flashing red lights he was seeing on his computer screen. He asked Thom to help him out with that because it's driving him nuts. He asked Thom to help him out with that. Thom came over and helped him out.
Howard wondered how Dancing with the Stars doesn't sue the skating show because they only changed one aspect of the show to make it different. Howard said he actually fell asleep at 8:30 last night and felt good about that. He loves when that happens.
Robin said she was listening to the Howard 100 News last night and she had to listen to the news for the rest of the afternoon. She said that she had to listen to Shuli's intervention with Joey Boots because it was so amazing. Howard said he didn't hear that and would also like to hear the interview with Denise Oliver who actually set he and Robin up for the first time.
Robin told Howard that the Intern Show was great and she also enjoyed the Superfan Roundtable. She said that Mutt is just as good as Jon Hein was as the host. Howard said he wanted that changed so it was just fans. She thought it was fantastic and it moved along nicely.
Howard told Bob that he should stay off the SternFanNetwork. He also said that when Bob doesn't get a laugh he leans back and flails his arms in a strange way. Bob told Howard that he hasn't been on SFN lately and doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said he responds to what people tell him to do from that site. Howard read a bunch of other e-mails about how great Bob has been on this week and then moved on to some other stuff.
An e-mailer complained about the use of the F-word on the show and how Howard seems to be going a little too far with it. The writer told him to speak freely but try to keep it toned down a little bit. Howard said they'll eventually find their way. Some other people wrote in and complained about the language because it sounds too trashy.
Howard read a letter about the shortage of SIRIUS tuners down in a Texas Best Buy store. As he was reading that he said that the In Demand guys were going to play some video of Bob flailing his arms after a failed joke. Bob saw it and said that he looks like a retard. Artie said that Bob did that on the Colin Quinn show that was on Comedy Central a while back.
An e-mailer told Howard to give Eric the Midget his own radio show because he thinks he'd be glued to the radio. Howard agrees and he would like to experiment with shows like that to see what people can do. Howard said this e-mailer's dream will happen.
Another writer told Howard that Sal could go to jail for the confession he gave about shooting a load into a chick's drink. Howard read some mail about Shawn King's appearance on the show yesterday. He thought that she was a great guest and they found out a few interesting things about her. Some fans thought that she made a great guest because she played along with Howard so well.
Some people complained about the story that Henry Hill told about getting ass raped the other day. They think that the show has been getting too gay lately. Howard said that was just one day and they'll get to other stuff.
Robin said that people on the Roundtable were disappointed in Howard's revelation because they all knew it was going to be his. He said they were all lying and didn't know it was going to be his. He changed the subject and took some phone calls after that.
A listener called in and told Howard about the SIRIUS tuner that he bought and how great it's been. He got the S1 (SIRIUS One) and he's able to take it with him. He likes how clear the quality is coming through the tuner. Howard told the guy that his new equipment is a lot different than it used to be and he's constantly adjusting it too. He said that the sound really is clear and it takes a lot of adjusting throughout the show.
Howard mentioned that they have KC calling in today to explain why he's back in rehab. He said they recut all of the KC songs since they couldn't bring them over from the old place. Richard Christy created a lot of them so that's what he played. They used to have to bleep a lot of the stuff in the songs but now they're uncut. Howard played a bunch of the ''KC's Gay'' song parodies.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he's a fire fighter there in New York who was all over the place with his thoughts.
Artie said that he saw the ''Private Parts'' movie on TV where Howard did some commentary and wondered if the scene where Howard and Fred were in the tub with a woman was for real. Howard was telling Artie that it was a bunch of stories that they put into one scene so it wasn't exactly true. While they were talking about that Howard said that he had to dump out of the conversation because of what someone said about who was involved in one of the stories. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said he was talking to Bob Levy during the break and he's been sitting in all week writing jokes... but he can't spell. Benjy said that he told Bob to put a comma in something he wrote but Bob didn't know what it was. Bob came back at him and said that Benjy didn't know what a salad was when he asked him about that.
Howard said that he was going to do a spelling quiz with Bob and a 10 year old kid by the name of David. He gets A's and B's in school. Howard started off the spelling bee with Bob...
Howard played an old Yucko the Clown song parody that they used to have to bleep. Yucko sang about Howard, Artie, KC and Robin and goofed on everyone. Howard wondered how he gets away with that stuff because he was using the N-word for Robin and calling Howard a Kike. He said that Sal and Richard pulled a prank on Yucko where they had a couple of black guys come in and threaten him after he did some N-word jokes. They had Yucko saying that he's a white piece of shit eventually.
Howard played another Yucko bit where he roasted him and really got racist when talking about Robin. He said that they have to find something for Yucko to do on his channels. He was also saying that he gets very uncomfortable with Yucko's use of the N-word when he talks about Robin. Robin said it's not a big deal to her and she doesn't mind it. Fred played the roast Yucko did for Robin and Howard was cringing within seconds. It was pretty brutal... but Bob Levy was the one who actually beat out Yucko for the World's Meanest Listener contest.
Robin said that the N-word shouldn't be so off limits because people make too much of a big deal out of the use of the word these days. Other racist words are used for other races but the N-word seems to be really off limits. She thinks that if more people used it, it wouldn't be so high profile.
Howard played a Touch Tone Terrorists prank call since a caller had asked them to play more of that stuff. Howard and the guys listened in and laughed as they heard the prank call. Howard said he thinks that the guy who did those calls isn't doing them anymore. Howard had to take another break a short time later.
Howard had a ton of clips to play so he played a prank call that someone made using audio clips of Arnold Scwarzenegger from a movie to call a woman to drive her nuts. Howard said that was one of his favorites. He had Lisa G from Howard 100 News come in to give them an update on what they have coming up today.
Lisa G said that they'll be doing a report about Benjy pissing off some cops when she went over to a party that Rachel Hunter was appearing at. Benjy said that he went down there to protest that Rachel isn't a nice person and pissed off the bouncers, not the cops like Lisa thought. Lisa said they'll also be talking about Bubba the Love Sponge's weight loss and a follow up to Steve Langford's trip to Washington DC yesterday for the indecency hearings. Howard said that Bubba is one of those guys who lost a lot of weight and now thinks that he looks like Mr. America... but he could still tighten up a bit. Howard said that Bubba lost over 200 pounds.
Howard played some audio of Benjy going down to the Rachel Hunter party. He was yelling out ''Hey, Hey, Ho, Ho, Rachel Hunter isn't a nice person!'' He was yelling out some other stuff about her being a mean ''plus sized'' model. He said he'll never forget the way they were treated. Robin wondered who Benjy was talking to though.
Benjy said that Rachel did come out eventually but the photographers were getting pissed at him for what he was doing because he was keeping Rachel from coming out. Howard cut him off to take a call from KC Armstrong.
Howard said he was worried about KC when he came on the old show and told them that he was still drinking. KC said he's not ready to quit drinking. He was also saying that his word doesn't mean anything to anyone and he's still a fuckup. He told Howard what he really wanted was to show people things and not just tell them. He told Howard how important he was to him and how he'll always mean a lot to him. He really wanted to show up to the party to show Howard that he still cares about him.
Howard asked KC what's up with the rehab and how he keeps getting scholarships to the place. The rehab actually sounds like fun because it's right on the beach and maybe KC likes being there. KC said that there are no chicks there, just guys. That led to them playing another KC gay song parody.
KC told the guys that he did room with Richard one time. He said that Richard took a huge dump while he was there and asked him to come in and smell it. He got offended when he didn't want to come in and do that though. He said that Richard is really weird.
KC said that the people at the rehab center are really cool to him because they keep giving him the scholarships to the center. They don't have anything to gain by doing that because he's not going back on Howard's show. Howard said he finds it odd that they can send a handler along with KC wherever he goes. He wants to know how they can spend the money on that and still put KC through their program for free.
KC said that he went out for a drive for 6 hours yesterday and it should have taken 15 minutes. He said he's retarded and can't find his way. Howard said he's the same way with directions and has the same problem. KC then told Howard about this DVD that he's trying to put out. He took some advance orders and hasn't been able to get the DVD out. He's been losing sleep over it and something always happens where he can't get the DVD out to people. He's made promises to people and he can't come through.
KC said that he's not going to fuck people over with the DVD, he wants to get it out to people. Howard wanted to know what's holding him back from shipping them out. He said that the last problem he had was that he used copyrighted music in the DVD so he had to get rid of it. He had to edit the DVD over again because he didn't know it was going to turn into such a huge project. The lip syncing wasn't working right and he had all kinds of problems. Artie said he can relate to that because he had problems with his DVD.
KC said that he sold about 50 DVDs in advance sales before he came on the show last year. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he bought the DVD back in July but he hasn't gotten his money back yet. KC said that he did return money to people but this guy said he didn't get it. Howard told the caller to give KC some time and he'll get it out. KC said that the DVD is $20 plus $5 shipping. Artie said that's a lot of scratch and that his DVD is only $15.
KC said that people can order the DVD at DieLaughingDVD.com and it will ship out within a week. He said that no one believes that it'll go out though because he's burned so many bridges. He said that he's had 5000 copies printed and they're being distributed by a real distributor.
Another caller said that KC can't be in rehab and still be saying that he's going to drink. KC was going to put Richard, the guy who runs the rehab center, on the line. Richard got on the phone and said that he's there to support KC. He also said that KC did pay for the first time he went through the program. The caller Howard had on the line asked Richard about what's up with them letting KC drink while in rehab. Richard said that KC needs to slow his life down to the point that he can figure out what he wants to do with his life. The drinking isn't his main concern.
Howard said that KC really needs to stop drinking to start seeing clearly. Richard said that he has a yellow pad out where he has KC write down and prioritize his commitments. Even Richard said that KC is crazy, that's what the problem is. He said that his jaw drops just about every day when he's hanging around KC because of what he sees. He said that KC is lucid but his mind goes off in different directions all the time.
Richard told Howard that he runs this real company called Newport Coast Recovery and his partners are just about ready to kill him, but he really thinks that KC needs a friend. KC said that this guy really saved his life. Howard said he's glad that he's got someone to take care of him out there. Richard said he loves KC and he's been sucked into his life.
Robin said that KC has infected the whole rehab center. Gary came in and asked Richard if this will be KC's last opportunity to get better. Richard said that they will draw a line with compliance. He also said that KC isn't really in the center as a patient, he thinks that he's actually a life coach for KC right now. His partner has been on him about what he's been doing but he really wants to help him get straightened out.
Howard asked Richard if it's possible that KC is gay and that's what his problem really is. Richard said that he heard about this 6 hour car trip that KC took and how he had to go pick him up. He said he's going to try and help him prioritize all of his stuff the day before so he doesn't spend 6 hours in a car for a trip that should have taken 15 minutes.
Gary said that he heard that KC was working on the DVD so much that his girlfriend broke up with him. KC said he doesn't care about that. Robin asked KC what was up with him not showing up on Friday. KC said that he was driving around in a stolen car on Friday... He wasn't sure if he should tell it on the air but he thought everything was taken care of. Howard had to ask him to stay on one story because he kept getting sidetracked. KC said that he had a rental car that the funds didn't go through on and people were saying that he kept it anyway.
KC said he was going to the airport but he had been up for 2 days straight because of this DVD he was working on. He said he pulled to the side of the road to rest and ended up falling asleep so he missed his flight. That's the reason he didn't show up on Friday. KC was also telling Howard that he's been hallucinating lately and sees people having sex. He also thought that someone was pushing on his chair in the car he was driving. He was talking to himself and it was freaking him out.
Gary said that Sal has a story about KC that he'd like to tell. Sal came in and said that he loves KC... KC told him not to say the wrong thing... Sal said that he can go from super hot to super cold so there was some confusion about a comedy show they did. Sal said that KC called him up and asked what was going on. That led to KC telling him that he was taking what he used to do and this time he doesn't have a job to lose if he kicks his ass. Sal took over The Nasty Show at Carolines. KC used to do that show and that's what he was kind of upset about.
KC said that he's actually opening up for Robert Schimmel at The Improv in Irvine, California. He said that he doesn't say no to anything. Howard told him he's doing too many things now and he needs to calm down with all of that stuff. Howard played another KC song parody in the middle of the discussion. KC told Howard that he's at the crossroad of his life and he has another opportunity right now that may change his life for the next few years. He said that they're starting to do a tour with the Beverly Hills Chopper guys and will be helping pick the girls for the tour. He said that he has to make sure that he doesn't piss this guy off who runs the shop.
Howard was going to give KC some plugs to try and help him out a bit. He gave him some plugs for the gigs he's got coming up. You can find out about the shows he's doing at the Ha Ha Cafe at HaHaCafe.com. He mentioned some of the other sites that he plugged earlier as well. KC said that he's hoping that no charges are filed with the rental car thing.
KC said that he really does want to make things right with the DVD and asked people not to give up on him. Howard told Richard he appreciates that he's taking care of KC and thanked him for calling in. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said that they have a busy show again today so he wasn't sure if he wanted to go down to the Martha Stewart channel to find out what their problem is with him. He heard that one of the women down there called him something like ''one step above a carnival barker.'' Gary told Howard that the woman who called him a carnival barker comes on at 9 but Benjy corrected him and said that it should be the chick that's on the air right now.
Howard was afraid that they were going to go down there and get bored with the whole thing. He said that he doesn't want to start anything with them unless it gets out of hand. Robin suggested they get tape of what was actually said so they know what they're upset about.
Howard took a call from Brent Hatley from Bubba's show who said that Senator Ted Stevens is actually getting some of his money from the National Association of Broadcasters (NAB). He said that Clear Channel and companies like that set up charities that donate money to guys like that so they can try to get legislation passed to ''level the playing field'' for them.
Brent was telling Howard that the Republican party is a mess right now and this is the kind of stuff they start to do to get back in line. They're trying to get this indecency legislation passed and they keep people like Jeff Jarvis from testifying in the indecency hearings. Howard said that they're going to have a really hard time regulating things like satellite because they're going to have to go after books, the internet, magazines and other types of things that people pay for.
Howard asked Brent how he's liking things there at SIRIUS. He said that they're having a lot of fun and they're going to have Artie on the show tonight. Artie said that he's going to do some drinking tonight to prepare for going to the Rolling Stones concert later on.
Howard read some more mail about David Lee Roth and the way he's been acting on the air. The notes were about what goes on behind the scenes and how Dave doesn't prepare for his show and stuff like that. He said he's been getting all kinds of secret messages from the guys over there at the old station.
Howard read an article about how his name is one of the most searched terms on the internet according to Lycos. He said it's nice to see that there's a lot of interest in his show now that he's moved. Brent let Howard know that they have Artie on Bubba's show tonight and then they're going out to Scores after that. Artie heard that and said that he may cancel the Stone's concert and just go to Scores instead.
Robin asked Brent what was up with the dog collar shocking thing that they were doing on the show. Brent explained that they played a game where they would shock people who were singing. They had some judges in the studio who were hitting the shock button on these people who were getting shocked. He said that they went from shocking their necks to shocking their genitals.
Beasley said that he didn't hear the show but his phone lit up after he came home to the U.S. Artie told Beasley that they just wanted to let him know that a former team mate of his wanted to fuck him. He also asked him if it was true that he once beat a horse in a foot race. Beasley said that he did actually beat it in a 100 meter race. He said that it was a close finish but he did beat the horse.
Beasley didn't want to talk about the gay stuff and said that he isn't all that well endowed. He said that he feels that he's an average man but he also thinks that an average man is 12 inches or so.
Howard asked Beasley about what he thinks will happen with the Super Bowl. He said he thinks that Carolina and Denver will end up in the bowl and that Denver will win it.
Howard let Beasley go and Artie told him that he's one of his favorite Giants of all time. He said he's also the only guy who is named Beasley as far as he knows.
Howard played some audio of Shuli doing an intervention with Joey Boots with Jeff the Drunk, Eric the Actor, Wendy the retard and Cliff Pallete. They were all goofing around and having fun until Joey took a hit off a joint and passed out. Eric the Actor told Joey that a woman got HIV because of her drinking. Joey didn't get the correlation so Eric said that she was a heavy drinker and got HIV because of her poor judgment. After that Jeff takes a hit of weed and you hear the phone fall. That led to Howard saying that he could picture Jeff falling and that they have a great show on Howard Stern On Demand where he falls down a couple of times.
Ronnie came in and told Howard that Marlo called him last night on the verge of tears. She's very upset about what went down. He said he really doesn't care one way or the other. Sal told the guys that Ronnie once said that Marlo wants it up the ass and Doug won't give it to her. Ronnie didn't remember that but Jason came in and backed Sal up about that.
Ronnie said that he felt really bad last night about what went on. He's done talking about it. Sal told Doug to straighten his wife out and have her apologize to him. Doug said that's not going to happen. Ronnie said that Marlo doesn't want to come on the air and wants this stuff dropped. Sal said that he's done with this stuff already. Doug is the one who has to deal with Marlo. Doug thinks that Sal is out of his mind and Marlo is not trying to get into this ''upper tier'' of people that he's been talking about.
Howard asked Ant if he's in love with this person. Ant said that he cheated because someone gave him the ''gay eye'' on the subway yesterday. He asked Howard if he's ever thought about cheating on Beth. Howard said no so Ant said he was lying. Howard said he might think about it but he's too faithful to do something like that. He also swears that he never cheated on his wife while they were married. Ant said it's different for gay men though.
Howard told Ant that he's so gay that he even sits gay on the couch. He went on to ask Ant about this guy he's dating and if he's given him anal yet. He said he hasn't but the celebrity isn't an A list celebrity, he's a B+. Ant turned things around on Howard and asked him about the surgery he's had done. Robin said she noticed that Ant has done something to his eyebrows. Ant said that he had a brow lift. He said he was more embarrassed to talk about that than he was about anal sex.
Ant told Howard that he met this gay celebrity on CraigsList.org. He said he never posts ads over there, he just responds to them. That led to Ant talking about how he's hooked up with other people by placing ads. He said he once dominated a couple who brought a dog into the mix. The woman in the relationship actually blew the dog. Ant said that he sat and watched the whole thing. Howard said that's the sickest thing he's ever heard. Ant said he was already done by that point so he was done after that. Ant told Howard that the guy in the relationship had never been with a guy before so it was kind of freaky to him.
Ant said that the dog thing was so degrading that he had to watch it happen. He said he was using drugs at the time. He was also telling Howard that he got laid last night and then looked out the window and saw people having sex across the street. He complained to the front desk but they sent him up some binoculars to get a better view.
Ant told Howard how he hooked up with this guy yesterday after seeing him on the subway. He got off at his stop, told him to call him and then hooked up with him later. Howard thought that Artie was getting kind of sick hearing about that. Ant then said that he pitched Artie for the fourth season of Celebrity Fit Club but they shot him down. Ant said that the producers told him that Artie's really not fat, that's just ''alcoholic bloat.'' Artie said he's heard that before. People think he's just out of shape. Gary had more to the story. Ant also pitched Gary to the producers but he doesn't need to lose all that much weight. He said that there are people who need to lose like 100 pounds and he might have to lose 20.
Gary said that he doesn't want to be the clown on another show when he's already one on Howard's show. Howard mentioned some of the people who are on the show and brought up Tempest Bledsoe. Ant said ''she's a cunt'' because she's not a team player and she's miserable all the time. Ant also talked about Kelly Lebrock and how he likes her. Howard and the guys think she's really fat and her plastic surgery looks really bad. Ant said that she's the nicest person though and she believes in herself.
Howard and the guys asked Ant about his gay lover and asked if it's a real relationship. Ant says it is a real one even though the guy is engaged. He said that the bitch should be gone soon. He also said that the guy doesn't know that he's cheated on him yet... unless he reads MarksFriggin.com today. Ant then said that he goes to MarksFriggin.com to read about everything that happens on the show when he misses it. He said a few nice things about the site before Howard had him move on.(Thanks Ant!)
Ant said he thinks that his boyfriend will break up with his finance within 3 months or so but he will not come out of the closet because he thinks it would ruin his career. He said that he and his boyfriend make sure that they're never out in public so no one will find out that they're a couple. Ant told Howard about some of the stuff that he and his boyfriend do together and it's not always anal.
Howard wrote down 3 names of people he thought could be the guy Ant is talking about. He would never out anyone on the air but he was curious. Howard wrote down the names and Ant was disgusted by the first name. He said that it wasn't any of the names on the list. Howard wrote down three names of actors he knew were engaged. He listed one more, that was more obvious, but Ant said there would be no privacy if that was the person he was dating.
Howard gave Ant a plug for Celebrity Fit Club which airs on VH1 each week. You can find out more about that and the DVD he has coming out in February called Ant Comic Ready at AntComic.com.
Howard asked Bob if he was willing to do the act that he's described to them before. Bob said that he does this act where he talks about eating women's ass and at the end of his show he has a woman come up on stage so he can eat her ass. Bob said that Ant must eat ass. Ant said that he has done it but he doesn't like to go up there very far.
Bob said that he thinks it goes over well on stage but it might not go over that well in the studio with a small crowd. Artie said that not everyone loves it, he's seen people very disgusted by the act. Gary said that they think that Bob likes doing it and he thinks that the audience loves it even though they don't.
Ant told the guys that he was watching people have sex last night from his hotel room window and Asians have strange sex. He said he saw this couple doing it doggy style and the guy was eating her from behind. Howard heard that Bubba the Love Sponge likes to do it that way.
Howard told Bob to go ahead and do this thing. They had Natalie lift up her skirt so Howard could see what was going on. Natalie wasn't being very cooperative and didn't want to let Bob go in deep. She told him that he wasn't going to go in there, it was staying on the top of the crack of her ass. She eventually let Bob dump the blue cheese dressing in there and lick his way out. Natalie said it felt a bit like salad to her. Howard thanked her for doing it and gave her a plug for CenterfoldStrips.com.
Bob said that he's been eating ass so long that he doesn't smell anything anymore. He said that bit is just something he does to close his act so Ant asked him what he does for an open. Bob jokingly told him he does date rape.
Howard said Ant does something funny, he gets mistaken for Mario Cantone so he has sex with guys and lets them believe that's who he is. Now he's gone as far as to sign his name. He told a story about one couple he hooked up with and how they thought he was Mario, and still think he's Mario Cantone.
Howard gave Ant and Bob some plugs for their upcoming comedy gigs. You can find out more about Ant's stuff at AntComic.com and more about Bob at revboblevy.net. Howard gave Ant one more guess about who he's having sex with and showed him a name. Ant said it wasn't him but he wasn't willing to swear to God that it wasn't him. Artie came up with one and Ant jokingly said he was right but then said he was kidding. He told Howard he was on the right track earlier as far as the genre of show business. Ant didn't know the guy was gay until he got the picture of the guy. He asked Howard why they all think he's white. Everyone went ''Ohhhhhhh'' when they heard that.
Ant was giving them clues but they were coming up with a lot of A-list celebrities. Ant said that when he got the guy's picture, he thought someone was goofing on him. The guy kept sending pictures to him and there were some that he'd never seen in print so he eventually believed it. The guy came over the next day and met him but they didn't have sex. They hung out and ended up having this relationship that has lasted 5 months so far.
Howard was willing to give Ant two names of women he's been with if Ant would share the name of this guy with him. Ant wasn't willing to go there though. Howard had to wrap up after that but Ant mentioned that he was really good on Larry King and that he's been watching ''Private Parts'' on VH1 lately and it was a really good film. Howard told Ant to be careful with this B+ list celebrity he's with because he may kill him to keep his secret. He said that the guy may be desperate and he may do anything to keep his secret. Ant said that he is afraid of premonitions like that so he's hoping that he's kidding. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in to talk about the Wrap Up Show. Jon said that they'll be talking about KC's call and about all of the gay stuff that has been going on with the show this past week. He said they'll also talk about how they get people like the 10 year old kid to come on the show.
Howard said that they've been having trouble with people calling in and getting a busy signal so he explained how they only have 19 lines that get filled up pretty quick. They do take shows during the Wrap Up Show though. Howard and Jon talked about last night's Superfan Roundtable and about some of the other stuff they have coming up soon. Next Tuesday they have the next edition of Meet the Sterns.
Howard an Mike talked about Ant a little bit but Howard had to cut Benjy off when he was asking Mike if he would out the guy that Ant is cheating with since he's cheating with a gay guy. Mike said that they probably would report something like that because it would be newsworthy. Benjy also asked Mike if he knew that Howard had a nose job. Mike said he doesn't comment on anything like that because Howard is a friend of his.
Howard had Mike move right on to his game after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
They do have some new shows coming up and Eric the Midget will be hosting one. Howard said they're expecting Eric to have a train wreck of a show and it won't be a surprise if it sucks.
Howard said he was driving down the Long Island Expressway... or some other road, where he saw tons of billboards for radio shows. He said he never saw that stuff before he left regular radio but now everyone thinks that they can take his audience. He said that his fans aren't going to be happy with Curtis and Kuby. He said he admires Curtis Sliwa's Guardian Angels but he's really not a funny guy.
Howard said he thinks that XM has to go out and create their own identity, they can't just react to what he does. Robin said that Opie and Anthony couldn't create their own publicity on their show so they had to send out their fans to try and get some notice at Howard's show since he can show them how to create that.
Howard said that he honestly believes that SIRIUS is better than XM because he knows the guys who run the company and they are committed to giving people the best programming. He said that both services cost the same amount of money per month. Scott Greenstein is working to make the music channels as fresh sounding, and not canned, as possible. They want to create channels that will sound better than what they have on XM.
Howard said that over at XM they have a board of directors that puts a stop to some of their ideas. He said that Hugh Panero wanted to hire him but the board may have delayed him too long to make the deal. He said they're not a bad company, he just figured that SIRIUS was better for him. He pointed out that they put on stuff like the Ellen Degeneres channel. He said that Snoop Dogg's channel over at XM was a reaction to SIRIUS' Eminem channel. That's the way things work.
Howard said that billboards never get you listeners, that's why he never had any at K-Rock. He didn't need them. He also said that people shouldn't just imitate, they should initiate. He also said that this is a great day for his show because he is so happy being there. He likes waking up and doing the show now. Artie said the same thing and may be having too much fun according to Howard.
Scott came in and told Howard that he's really not a loser, he gets to work with him. Howard talked about many of the loser-like things that have happened to him and he really does have the worst luck out of anyone on the show. Fred played Beck's ''Loser'' song for them so Howard listened to that for a few seconds waiting for the hook to come through where he sings ''I'm a loser baby...''
Speaking of losers, a phone caller told Howard that he was pulled over last week and given a ticket for having an obstructed view because of his SIRIUS radio. He said that he also had an outstanding warrant out for his arrest so he ended up spending 3 days in jail because of that. Now he's $6,000 in the hole because of legal fees... all because his satellite radio was hanging from his car window. Howard wrapped up the show around 11:00am.