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| Friday | This Week On E! |
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Howard said that he wore a corduroy shirt to work this morning and he dosn't know what he was thinking. It was really hot in the studio so he asked Scott to turn down the temperature. Robin told him that he shouldn't even have corduroy in his closet at this time of year. He said that Ralph had put it in there and he just slapped it on. Artie said he was wearing corduroy pants today. The guys from E! brought in a couple of extra shirts just in case he wanted to change into something else. Howard said he hasn't been shaving his body hair much lately either so it was all wet and matted down. He said he just doesn't care anymore. Artie said there will probably be a day when he doesn't care anymore either and that will probably be around 45 or so. Howard asked Scott to get him some cool air in there but it just wasn't coming fast enough.
Artie said he was glad that they finally got rid of the sewage smell in the building. Howard said that was coming from next door. Howard figures the station doesn't think he deserves air conditioning since he's leaving the company at the end of the year. He said it seems like the company doesn't care about anything that happens to the show anymore and talked about how the station down in Washington DC has been cutting his show off early to put on a couple of other guys who follow them.
Robin told Howard that she moved this weekend and he figures she's got about 3 houses at this point. Robin talked about the move a bit and said that she had people painting the house during the week and then moved her furniture in this weekend. Howard said that the papers report that he's been buying houses just about every week but he claims that he hasn't bid on one. Robin said that Martha Stewart is apparently trying to sell her house for the ridiculous amount of $10 million. It's only a 3 bedroom house.
Artie was out in Chicago over the weekend doing a comedy show and a DVD signing. He said that the crowd was pretty crazy out there. He said he was only there for about 22 hours. Howard said he was only there once for just a few hours. He doesn't remember it all that well because he went to a bunch of crowds. Robin said she's only gone through the airport. Artie also told Howard that he's heard that they're taking them off early out there. He said he heard that they sometimes get taken off the air at 9 in the morning.
Howard wondered what Cousin Brucie is going to do now that he's not working at that station. He was under the impression that he had made a lot of money after buying a bunch of radio stations years ago. He said that Brucie should work at a local urban station or something like that. Howard played some more of Brucie's ramblings and continued to do his impression of the guy. Brucie was asked about satellite radio and that led to Howard saying that he'd hire the guy to do a crossover after his show just so he could goof on the guy. Brucie was talking about the options he has now that he's lost his job. He claims that he's already been offered a job at another station there in the city.
Zolar called in and said that no one would even know that the station had even changed format if Howard didn't mention it. He also mentioned that he's gotten his ''Eh, eh, eh'' (SIRIUS) radio subscription and he thinks it's pretty amazing. Howard had to go to break after that quick phone call.
Gary told Howard that he was out in Las Vegas over the weekend and everyone out there is awaiting their return. He said that everyone at the Hard Rock Hotel and the Spearmint Rhino were asking when they were coming back. Howard said he would go back in a second but the company is impossible to deal with at this point. Gary said that they must impact the salaries of a lot of people out there when they go there. Howard said that things have gotten really weird at the company and they've pulled some stuff lately that just isn't cool so he's not going to do anything for them.
Gary asked ''Which cast member would you be least surprised to come out of the closet?'' Howard said it would be Fred but said he was just kidding and then mentioned Benjy's name. Gary had another question about who Howard has come close to firing. Howard mentioned Gary since he's been fired many times on the air. There was also a question about who's quicker at coming up with jokes, Jackie or Benjy. Howard said it was Jackie but then changed his answer to Benjy. He said that Benjy is good and he wouldn't be sitting there in the studio if he wasn't good.
There was a long question about why Artie is as sad as he is being as good as he is. Artie didn't have an answer for that. Howard was also asked why Howard tries to rush Robin to finish the news but doesn't just cut Robin off. Howard said they have a lot of commercials they need to get to when they do the show so it's not that easy. Gary said he had a question for Robin Radzinski from E!. She was asked if she's ever had sexual contact with anyone from the show. She said she did sleep with Mike Gange but it wasn't sexual. She said that he and Ralph also saw her breasts about 10 years ago. She wouldn't consider having sex with anyone there at this point either.
Howard and Gary were trying to guess at what Mickey Dolenz was making working over at WCBS. Howard said he was probably making about $100,000 a year but Gary thinks that's way low and he had to have been making half a million. Richard Johnson from Page Six was on the phone and he guessed that it was about $100,000 as well. Howard had Richard on the phone to talk about the story that he printed about him calling FHM and having an editor fired. Richard said that it was pretty clear from the article that FHM had other problems with the editor. Robin said that's not what the headline said though. Richard told her that they don't write their headlines. Howard said that Beth was kind of upset that the guy had lost his job but she hadn't complained about what he said on this G4TV show. There was a whole bunch of things going on but Howard had nothing to do with his firing. Richard said that he thinks that the editors comments about Beth may have had something to do with his firing because maybe FHM was afraid of what Howard might do. Richard said they didn't blame Howard for anything in their article but Howard pointed out that the story made it's rounds and that led to Sam Rubin taking the story and talking about it on the air as if it was true. Richard kept saying that they never said that it was Howard who got the guy fired though. Howard asked Richard if it was okay to say that he had nothing to do with the guy's firing. Richard said that is safe to say but he's not going to print a retraction for the story.
Howard said he would never try to get a guy like that fired for something like that. He doesn't think he has the clout to pull that off anyway. Howard asked Richard how he's doing and who he's doing. Richard said he has a girlfriend that he's been dating for a while now. Howard asked Richard to give him a good blind item. He said he hates the blind items but they are kind of fun. He asked Richard if he could call him off the air and find out who the people are in the blind items. Richard said they officially never name the people in the blind items but it does sound like he'd give Howard the info.
Gary came in and said that Will was wondering how much money Richard makes over there. He was thinking that it must be like half a million a year. Howard doesn't think it's that high. Richard said that he can't say how much it is because he just doesn't want to. Howard gave up on trying to get an apology from Richard and he said he still feels like he was thrown under the bus in that article. Howard said that the editor was probably fired after bringing up some other stuff about the magazine in his interview. Howard said that Sam Rubin (Dickface) did do a retraction but it was so bad that it may have been worse than the original story. Howard played an audio clip of Sam telling the story and making it even worse than it was. Sam and his coworkers talked about how Howard has changed over the years and how he was basically being a baby about it all. The whole crew were all over Howard during that newscast. Robin laughed and said that she's glad that he had Sam do a retraction.
Howard talked about how satellite radio is a pay service and there are even buttons that allow you to block out stations on the radios. Now there's a senator, Zell Miller, who is going to be trying to get satellite radio regulated. He was interviewed on a program where he talked about how he doesn't believe that filth should be considered free speech. Howard said the guy is even against CDs containing dirty words. There is tons of porn, HBO and other pay services that have been around for years that no one is going after but they love coming after him. Satellite is a pay service and people don't have to buy it if they don't want it.
Howard got back to the phone caller he had on the line. The guy asked Howard if he expects to have stories like Richard Johnson's since he's in the position he's in. Howard said he's always got stories written about him all the time and they report on houses that he's supposed to be buying and they're not true. Then there was the time that they reported that he bought a car for a stripper and never retracted the story even though it was completely false. He said that he doesn't consider himself that powerful and it makes him look really bad in the eyes of people that don't know him that well. He said he hates to think that there are people out there that think that he had that FHM editor fired.
Howard ended up goofing on WPLJ once again saying that it's a ''gay'' station and that they're a ''dinosaur'' of a radio station and he can't wait to see them disappear. He goofed on Scott Shannon and pointed out that the guy is over 60 years old and that it looks like he's had a bunch of face lifts. The studio was still very hot and it wasn't cooling down so Howard complained about that again. He said that the new place will have ceiling height and working air conditioning. Gary said there are some people who still think that they're not going to be moving over there. Howard and Robin have already signed contracts. Gary said he had a guy ask him if he could talk Howard out of making the move. Howard isn't changing his mind.
Howard played some more audio of Cousin Brucie and did his impression of him for a few minutes. Howard goofed on just about everything Brucie was saying about his station changing format. Howard thinks that Brucie will move over to satellite radio. Howard had to take a break a short time after that. He mentioned that they had sportscaster Len Berman stopping in a little later on.
Len has been on the show before and has helped announce a couple of sporting events on the show. He was the announcer during the Frank Stallone vs. Geraldo Rivera fight and during the basketball game between Robin and Dominic Barbara. Len said that he ran into Dominic on vacation one time and he was going around saying that he's Howard's lawyer. Howard said he's never been his lawyer and he doesn't understand why he goes around saying that. Howard asked Len if Pat O'Brien is a friend of his. Len said that he is a colleague and he wasn't all that surprised that he did what he did.
Howard gave Len a plug for his book ''Spanning the World : The Crazy Universe of Big-Time Sports, All-Star Egos, and Hall of Fame Bloopers'' and how he wrote a scathing story about Don Imus in it. Len told Howard that he signed a contract to do a show over at WFAN where Imus works. He thought that he'd signed on to do too much work and tried to get out of the contract. Imus had a field day with that story after he tried to get out of it. Imus and his crew were goofing on him doing a German accent while calling him ''Lenny the Jew'' so Len went on the air and said he felt that he was being anti-semitic. When he confronted him on that Imus' excuse was that it was an Austrian accent, not a German accent. Howard said that he's seen Imus calling black secretaries at WNBC ''nig***s'' so he knows how the guy can be.
Howard asked Len about Marv Albert and talked about him for a couple of minutes. Howard said that Marv won't talk to him when he goes to the Knicks games. He thinks he's holding a grudge against him since he joked about him after he got into trouble. Artie said that everyone joked about that stuff when it was going on. Howard asked Len about a bunch of other sportscasters and guys like Frank Gifford. They talked about that and Howard eventually read a story about how much money Len is rumored to have made. He went on to read a few excerpts from Len's book. In one excerpt Len talks about something Howard did on the air where he was talking to a news reporter at WNBC and mentioned that she was rumored to have been dating Len Berman. Len's wife was listening at the time and almost drove off the road. There were some other excerpts from the book where Len tells stories about people like Mickey Mantle, Babe Ruth and others. Howard tried to find out more about Len's money and then gave him a couple more plugs for his book and the book signings he's doing this week and next. Len will be at the Barnes and Nobel in Manhasset, Long Island on Wednesday night at 8. He'll also be at Book Ends in Ridgewood, New Jersey on Saturday signing books at a book store there.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who mentioned that there are rumors that Babe Ruth may have been half black. That led to the guys talking about him for a short time. Howard also asked Len about Katie Couric and if he thinks she's hit the wall. Len said that she's a very nice person and wouldn't comment on her looks. Howard took a call from a Marv Albert impersonator who had some fun talking to Len for a minute. They had some fun with that for a minute. Another caller asked Len what he thinks about steroid use in sports. Len said he considers it cheating and it is wrong. Hook Nose Mike called in and asked Len who he thinks is the hottest chick he's ever worked with. Howard said that there are a lot of hot chicks out there these days. Len agreed and said that there are a lot of beautiful women out there but there are also a lot of unqualified people working in the business. Howard told Len that he likes to look at beautiful women while he's watching the news. They argued about that for a minute and then Howard started to wrap up the interview.
Howard quickly got in a mention for a contest they have on the show. He said that if there are any woman out there who would like to win their father a date at the Bunny Ranch for Father's day, give them a call at 800-44-STERN. Howard and Len spent a few more minutes talking before Howard ended the interview. He tried asking Len about pleasuring himself but Len didn't seem interested in talking about that stuff. Howard went to break after that.
Gary had one of the questions that the staff wrote down for this anonymous thing. Someone asked Fred why he hated Jackie so much and why it didn't come out until after he left. Fred said that he didn't hate Jackie but he did have a problem with the reasons he left the show. Gary then asked another question he had. It was about why Howard hates Amanda Peet so much. There has to be something to it other than what Howard has said on the air. Howard said he just doesn't like the way she acts. Fred told a story about her giving him a nasty look one time and Howard said that he wouldn't be surprised if there aren't other people there who have had similar problems. Another question was about what the most embarrassing moment for Robin has been. Robin talked about breaking down and crying on the air a few times. Robin said she's done that a few times on the air. She once broke down and cried when they asked her about not showing up to a book signing on time. The questions that Gary was asking were getting boring to Howard so he sounded like he was ready to bail out on them. Gary asked Howard what the closest he's come to breaking up with Beth. Howard said that hasn't happened yet. He was also asked if he would bet a million bucks that he'd still be with Beth in 5 years. Howard said he can still see himself staying with her for another 5 years. He also said that they were just talking about that the other day and they're planning on staying together for a long time.
Jason brought in a CD of Robin breaking down and crying while talking about why she didn't show up on time to a book signing. Howard tried to play it but the CD player wasn't working so he couldn't get it to work. He told Robin she lucked out because they couldn't play it. He and Robin ended up talking about this book about Ben Franklin that Howard is trying to read. Robin read the book and said she hasn't read that many books with that many pages in it. Tom told Howard that he'd be amazed at some of the stuff in the book but Howard knew that wouldn't happen. That somehow led to the guys talking about Richard Christy and his love for cheesecake. Richard came in a short time later and said that Ronnie the Limo Driver told him that there's a place near him that makes great cheesecake and it was Chuck-E-Cheese. Ronnie came in and told him that he was just joking around about that and that he never knows when someone is joking with him because he's so gullible. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Jeff the Drunk called in during the news and talked to Howard about his new car and how he hasn't gotten it yet. He said that the car needed a sway bar so he won't be getting it until today. He will be driving it today to a strip club that may hire him. He said that he might be able to get a job at Hooters as well. He's not looking to work though, he's looking to make appearances instead. Howard let him go after he mentioned a web site of some model that had apparently contacted his web guy for a plug. After Robin finished up her news Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off the morning talking about how they have another show today but after today no one is sure how many more shows they'll be doing before they're gone. He also let Robin know that Artie was out sick once again. He played the latest voice mail left by the sick comedian. Robin said that Artie has to give up this movie that he's doing because it's killing him. Howard said that ever since he had the conversation with Artie about taking time off, he's been out sick a lot. He went on to talk about what he told Artie about taking the extra three weeks off after their two week vacation this summer. He'd suggested that Artie come into work for a few hours every morning and then go do the movie and that he doesn't need to take 3 weeks off. Artie says there's a budget and he's not sure if he can do that. Robin said Artie hardly had any sick days before this whole thing came about.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he used to take a prescription drug that would give him diarrhea and he'd vomit when he'd go off the drug. Fred agrees with Howard that it's all about the upcoming movie. Gary doesn't think it has anything to do with the movie and it's something else. Fred said something isn't right because it's all come about after the movie. Gary also pointed out that Artie told him that when he does go off the deep end, they'll never hear from him again. The guys were pointing out that Artie didn't say he had any illness in this message and he was apologizing a lot in the message. Another phone caller asked Howard if it was true that Howard has given Artie the opportunity to take off as much time as he needs. Howard said that's true and he can take off time to do other projects but he doesn't think he needs to take off the full three weeks. The guys talked about how much they like Artie and how they want to support him. Howard talked about what a great guy Artie is to work with and hang out with. He said that he doesn't goof on Artie much because he does seem a bit vulnerable.
Gary came in and told Howard that Artie used to be really happy when he first started working on the show. Now he hates going out and doing the comedy shows and stuff and he's not talking about the happy stuff he was doing. Howard figured that could have something to do with the Yankees being in a slump this season. Gary said that could have something to do with it. Bobo called in and said that maybe Artie is having problems with Dana and that's what's causing the problems. Another caller said that Artie is a blue collar guy who is used to having a mediocre life and now all of this fame might be getting to him. He thinks that Artie might be setting himself up to get fired so he can go do this movie. Howard seems to agree that there's a lot of pressure on Artie and the caller might be right. The caller thinks all of this stuff has hit Artie just about overnight and it's just overwhelming him. Another caller feels the same way about Artie trying to get himself fired. He also said that he thinks Artie has enough money to live the rest of his life not working but none of the guys think that's the case. Gary asked what would happen if they found out that Artie really was just sick. Howard said they'll all feel pretty dumb if that happened. He played the voice mail that Artie left once again and asked what time Artie left the message. Gary said it had to be between 11pm and 5am. He didn't have a time.
Zolar called in and asked if he could come down and sit in during the show when Artie calls in sick. Howard said that might not be the best thing for the show even though Zolar is a good guy. He took another call from a guy who said that maybe Howard shouldn't be broadcasting all of this to millions of people and that they should try to find out what's really wrong with Artie. Gary said he'd try to call Artie but he's not that easy to get a hold of. The caller was suggesting that they put in a cart and listen to something else before they go through all of this stuff.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that all of these addictions that Artie has are all connected and he might need an intervention. Howard told Cabbie that he's jumping to conclusions and he doesn't know what's actually going on. Cabbie said that if you continue to use other addictive stuff, you'll eventually crash and that might be what's going on with Artie. Howard changed subjects and asked Cabbie why he's not in jail yet. Cabbie said he's scheduled to go in on July 29th. His biggest worry right now is his dog Milton. He said he's going to be bringing the dog by the station tomorrow to let Gary meet him. Gary might be taking care of the dog while Cabbie is in jail. Cabbie said that he's going to work on a book while he's in jail and he's already started writing it.
Gary said that if he was Artie he would be sitting by his radio listening and he'd call in and squash all of this. Howard said that he has seen Artie's eyes rolling back into his head during meetings and stuff. He said that something might be wrong with him but he's not sure what it is. Another caller told Howard that it does seem that Artie might be suffering from a Kurt Cobain thing and that he's worked so hard for so long and now that the success has come so fast, he just can't handle it. Howard talked about how he's able to juggle so many things at once that he can't really relate to what other people go through. King of All Blacks called in and said that he doesn't think that the guy is on coke or anything. He thinks that he might just be worn out. Howard liked how the guys who were calling in were all relating this stuff to their own lives. He said that King is the kind of guy who has basically coasted through life and picked a job that was pretty easy with no stress. King found that to be kind of funny and wondered if Howard was calling him lazy and shiftless. Howard said he wasn't saying that but the guy did pick a pretty easy job. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard mentioned that they have this contest where a daughter can win their father a date at the Bunny Ranch. Robin wondered if they'd gotten any calls about that yet. Howard wasn't sure because Gary takes all of those calls. That led to Howard talking about how they wanted to have Ron Jeremy come in to compete against Richard Christy in ''Stump the Perv.'' They told Ron that if he lost the game he'd have to get tea bagged by Sal the Stockbroker. Howard played the tape of Will telling Ron that idea and Ron told Will ''Hell no!'' and that he would never risk something like that. Richard Christy came in and said that he was looking forward to playing that game against Ron. He's hoping they can come up with another game.
Howard asked the caller if she's ever had any of the wives come after her. Margaret said that she did have one woman come after her and smash her car window. She also complains that she doesn't just date black guys, she doesn't discriminate. Howard wondered how much these guy's wives weigh if this chick weighs 160. Howard asked her if she sweats a lot when she has sex. Margaret claims that she doesn't. Howard gave her some advice and told her to go on a diet. Margaret won't be doing that and she thinks that some guys like to have women with some meat on them to keep them warm at night. Howard told her that she needs to lose 40 pounds or gain 10 inches. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to her and taking some phone calls. One caller said that the reason she won't date Asian men is because they think she's Godzilla at 160 pounds. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard sarcastically said that it was a fascinating interview. He went to commercial break right after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up some issues about freedom of speech and other freedoms that people are trying to block. Howard said that it sounds like this guy has been doing a lot of thinking lately. Robin added ''... is it the first time?'' and laughed as she was saying that. The caller said that he works in a toll booth all night by himself so he has a lot of time to think. The guy was rambling a bit and he had a bit of an accent that made him sound like a wigger. Howard had to let him go and said that he was ''way out there'' and thinking a bit too much.
Howard had some e-mail to read through before Jm J Bullock came in. Jeff Schick from IBM wrote in and told Howard that Robin has had Lotus Notes on her computer for years and her claims about it crashing her system is not true. She said that's not true and she has a phobia against the program because of what it's done to her computers in the past. Howard also read an e-mail from a movie reviewer friend of theirs who saw the new Batman movie and he thinks it's very good. Howard zipped through a couple of other e-mails and found that Senator Zell Miller is out there complaining about the indecent broadcasters out there but someone pointed out that he takes money from Time Warner which is one of the companies that broadcasts the same stuff that Miller is complaining about. Howard said that he got some mail about him clearing his throat on the air quite a bit yesterday. Howard said he was having a problem because he went out running on Sunday night but he has to be on the air because that's his job. He said he complains about other people sounding like crap who don't need to be on the air. There was one e-mail from a guy who told Howard about why it was so hot on Monday morning there at the station. Another person wants to be updated on Jeff the Drunk's driving because they think he'll get into an accident and get killed or maimed again.
Someone wrote in and asked about some of the audio clips they play on the show that turned out to be the Wendy the Retard clips where she was yelling about not having power and water after a hurricane hit her area. Howard played those clips and then played a prank call they made to a power company using her audio clips.
Howard asked Jm about dating girls and if the girls knew he was gay when they were dating him. He said that he's in a generation where the women didn't even know that Liberace was gay. That led to Howard talking about how he didn't know that Liberace was gay when he was a kid. He said he included that in an episode of his cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' He told Jm the story about how his mother told him that Liberace was a ''fagela'' and how surprised he was to find that out.
Jm told Howard about where he grew up and how he used to watch the Miss America Pageant when he was a kid and he'd put a cape on his cat when they'd announce the winner. He said even his parents didn't know that he was gay and he had to tell them about that. Howard gave Jm a plug for the Broadway play ''Hairspray'' he's appearing in and for this movie ''Queer Duck'' that he's voicing a character in. Howard asked him if he's a millionaire after doing all of the Hollywood Squares shows and stuff like that. Jm said that he's not even close and he has to keep working. He was telling Howard some stories that ended up getting censored out of the show with the delay button. He tried to tell Howard about his first gay experience and asked Howard if all little boys play with other little boys. Howard told him that he's alone there. Howard told Jm that he did have some other kids ask him to touch them but he didn't do it. Jm told Howard about some other stuff that got the delay hit as well.
Howard asked Jm about why he's promoting the DVD release of ''Too Close for Comfort'' (Rhino.com) if he's not making any money on it. Jm wasn't even sure why that is because he's really just making a tiny amount from it. He told Howard that he just wanted to be a part of the publicity around the whole thing and he's just getting his name out there again.
Howard asked Jm about being HIV positive and how that's been going. Jm said that he's been pretty lucky with that so far and he hasn't gone to full blown AIDS yet. Howard asked him if he got it through drugs or through sex. Jm said it was back in the 80s and he was having a lot of unprotected sex. Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who told Jm that he'd like to tie him up and whip him. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Jm before he wrapped up the interview. He gave Jm a couple more plugs for the DVD and the play. Jm told Howard about working with Milton Berle on Hollywood Squares one time and how he was a bit of a dick on the show. Jm said that Berle kind of ruined the bit they were going to do on the show because he didn't want him to do all of the ''faggy stuff.'' Howard said he had a similar experience with Berle when he interviewed him on his E! special years ago. He said Berle wanted to do things his way but Howard refused to do it. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
During the news Howard played an audio clip from a foreign newscast where a female broadcaster ripped a fart during the news and they went right into commercial. They wrapped up the news and the show at about 10:15am.
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To start off the show Robin started to ask Howard about Artie not being there this morning and he said he'd talk to her about that later. He quickly changed subjects and said that he was over at Scores yesterday for Ross Zapin's bachelor party. He spent a few minutes talking about how he took Ross on as a friend after Gary got married because he apparently wasn't as fun as he used to be. Howard said that Ross is getting married and he has 14 people in the wedding party, just for the guy's side. The wedding is going to be huge. The fiancee has a Vera Wang gown and they've got over 200 people coming to the wedding. Howard doesn't know how much they've spent on the wedding so far but it's probably quite a bit. Gary said that the guys are allowed to wear their own tuxedos. He also said that he's going to be flying out to Vegas for another bachelor party and it's going to cost him quite a bit of money to get out there. Howard wondered how he can afford to do that. He said that Ross was thinking of holding his bachelor party in Iceland but he changed it to Las Vegas. Howard had complained about the travel and Ross ended up changing his plans. Howard was invited to the Las Vegas thing but Howard said he's not going to fly out there. Robin told Howard that it's part of his duties to fly out there for the bachelor party. He said he heard that he just has to walk down the aisle with Beth and sit down. He doesn't have to stand up at the alter. Gary didn't know that and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do yet. Howard said that he threw Ross this Scores party since he wasn't going to Vegas with him. Ross has a job now and he couldn't stick around at the party for too long. He had to get back to his job at SIRIUS.
Howard said that Penthouse Pet Valentina Vaughn showed up at Scores and danced for them. She was a very good dancer according to Howard. Gary said that Richard Christy was there and got a bunch of dances from her but Sal the Stockbroker pointed out that he was talking to the girl for quite a while. Howard got a few dances from Valentina before he threw her back into the water and let Richard and Will get some dances from her. Howard said he ran into Chuck Zito this morning and he was just coming back from Scores. Howard and Gary said that Chuck has his own locker over there at Scores because she spends so much time there. They said he just about lives there because he spends so much time there. Howard said he heard that one of the guys that went to the party had messed his pants just from seeing the girls. Howard and Fred went home together and even though their girls didn't look like they were wearing glitter, Fred got covered in it.
Richard Christy came in and said he didn't talk all that much to Valentina when she was dancing for him. He said he took a short break for a talk and that was it. He said that she was a great dancer and she'd breath in his ear while dancing for him. He said he went home and ran off a batch after that whole thing. Richard also said that someone stopped off at the booths last night on his way home. Gary said that Sal, Will and Richard all left at around 5 in the morning this morning. Howard said he didn't want all of the guys freaking out that they weren't invited last night so he told everyone that they'd have another party soon. That party was for Ross. Ralph was invited last night but he forgot that it was the day for the party. He had spaced out and forgot all about it. Howard talked about how Ralph has nothing going on in his life and there's no way he should have forgotten about it.
Howard told Robin about how he asked just a few of the guys there to come to the party last night. He said he's going to throw another party for the rest of the guys that couldn't make it. He said that Scott the Engineer came walking into the studio before they left yesterday so Gary finally remembered to invite him. Gary asked Scott to keep it quiet because they couldn't invite everyone. Scott walked out of there smiling and asking everyone if they were going to the party, even after he was asked to keep it quiet. Richard said that Scott was in a race to get over there to the party. Gary said that Sal also had a twinkle in his eye after he heard he was invited. He said it wasn't even about the sex part of it, it was the fact that he was invited to a Howard Stern Scores party that made him so happy. Howard said he must have been out of his mind inviting him there because he's mental. Gary said that he told Richard and Sal how to act over there and they apparently behaved themselves. Richard said that Sal gave him the hardest high five he's ever gotten. He also said that Sal had to call his wife to ask her if he could go. The guys goofed on him about being so whipped. Sal said that he called his wife and explained to her how he got invited. She told him not to do anything that she would object to so he behaved himself.
Sal said that he didn't make any eye contact with Howard after Gary warned him about that. He did have a complaint about something though. He said that Howard walked by and said hello to him there at the party. He said that Howard didn't say hello to him first after looking at him first out of him, Fred and Jeff Schick. Howard told Sal that he's never going to be invited to another party after that because he is creepy. Sal said that being invited was almost as great as having his first child because he's such a superfan. He went on to talk about what a great guy Gary was by keeping everyone happy there at the party. He kept control of the funny money and kept everyone going. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said he took Sal into the bathroom at the station and told him how to behave over there. Sal explained what went on with Ronnie but the delay was hit during his story for some reason. Howard was telling Sal that he wouldn't be invited to another party but Sal said he behaved himself so that wasn't right. The guys told him that he behaved himself there so Howard said he might invite him over there again.
Howard asked Sal about going to ''the booths'' after going to Scores last night. Sal said he ran in there like a rat in a subway station after Richard reminded him that they were close by. He said he put in an extra two bucks because he was so worked up. He said it only cost him four bucks and that kept him going for about 10 minutes. Sal told Howard about the movie he watched. It was an older woman who looked like a soccer mom or something and it looked like an old amateur movie or something. Richard said he didn't need to go and look at more women after going to Scores. He did have a bit of an accident in his pants while he was getting dances. He said he had to go into the bathroom and clean himself up a bit.
Ronnie told a story about Jason getting a dance from a couple of girls that he took out to the main room and had them dancing on stage for him. Benjy tried to get one of the girls to come in and dance for him but Jason acted like the girls were his wives and chased him away. Jason came in and said that's not true, Benjy ended up walking away with one of the girls. Howard asked Benjy if that was true and Benjy was going to tell him what happened after. Howard cut him off and said he didn't want to hear the story. He knew he was making a mistake by letting Benjy talk on the air. He let him tell another story though. Benjy said that Lonnie tells the girls there at the club that they wrote movies and stuff like that but Sal kind of ruined it because he wasn't aware of that. Sal was talking to a stripper who said that she was impressed that Will and Jason had written 30 percent of ''Madagascar.'' Sal told the girls about some other stuff that they had worked on and made it even worse. Ronnie said that he was talking to one of the girls and mentioned Jeff Schick's name. The girl responded saying ''His name isn't Jeff Schick, it's Jeff West!'' Ronnie said he was laughing his ass off when he heard that. He has an alter-ego when he goes to Scores. Howard had to take a commercial break after that.
Howard said Artie wasn't there this morning but he expects that he'll be in tomorrow. That was all he said about that subject. He quickly moved on to talk about the death of Anne Bancroft. He talked about some of the movies that she was in and how great some of them were. He said that she was a very talented woman and she married Mel Brooks who made some great movies like ''Young Frankenstein,'' ''Blazing Saddles,'' ''High Anxiety'' and a bunch of others. Howard talked about how many people were surprised that Mel and Anne had gotten married. Robin said that it would be kind of like Courtney Cox marrying David Arquette. Howard said it would be more like Angelina Jolie marrying Fred. Robin thought it was more like Drew Barrymore marrying Tom Green. Howard said it wasn't like that either. It was more like a tall, blonde woman marrying Gary. Howard said he was out to dinner one night this past winter and Tony Danza walked in and sat down for dinner. Danza came over a little later with an older woman. Howard thought it was Anne Bancroft but he couldn't quite tell. He wasn't quite sure if he was right so he didn't want to say anything wrong. She spoke to him a little bit and told him that she's a big fan of his. Howard thanked her for that but he still wasn't sure if it was really Anne Bancroft. He blew the moment and never got to tell her what a big fan he was. He's sure that she probably didn't want to hear about her work anyway. He had no idea that she had cancer at the time though. Howard said the important part of the story is that she was a fan of his. Robin said that's why she married Mel Brooks because she appreciates humor. Howard said that's the case with Beth as well. She appreciates humor and she's not in the relationship for looks. Howard took another break a short time after that.
Howard had some tape of Angelina Jolie being interviewed recently but when he started to talk about it, the delay was hit. Howard said there are a bunch of good interviews out there with people like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie but they won't come on his show. Howard said that Angelina has interviewers sign paperwork that says they won't ask certain questions or she'll sue them. Howard won't be signing anything like that. Howard told a story about someone he knew who got fooled into going to see a Scientology movie up in Boston one time and they wouldn't let her leave before the movie was over. Vinnie Favale from CBS was there so he came in and told Howard about how he was fooled into doing the same thing. He said that they were asked if they wanted to go see a movie. They were brought in to this place and the first thing he saw was a statue of L. Ron Hubbard. He then watched a movie that he didn't remember much about. He remembered them trying to talk them into becoming part of this fraternity. Vinnie thinks that he was kept in the Scientology center for a good 8 hours. They're young, attractive people and that's how they were able to keep them in there. Vinnie said he made the mistake of giving them his name and phone number. They called him for a good 10 years after that. Howard said he's afraid to bad mouth them for some reason. Vinnie said that if you Google something about Scientology and find something negative, the Scientology people will go to Google and ask them to change it.
Howard had some audio clips of Wafah Dufour (Osama bin Ladin's niece) talking to Barbara Walters and singing during her interview. Howard and Robin both pointed out that maybe the reason people haven't embraced her singing isn't because of her uncle but because of her singing ability. Howard got in a plug for tonight's E! show featuring Jeff the Vomit Guy getting puked on. He went to break a short time after that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up an interview that Brad Pitt did last night where he claimed that when he puts his hands on kids over in Africa, he can see that he makes a difference in their lives. Howard said that there are some celebrities out there who mistake making money for intelligence. Howard said he makes a lot of money but that doesn't make him any smarter. He said he was sitting home and watching some Spider-Man cartoons yesterday afternoon. He went on to talk about how he knows that Brad Pitt is a dummy from what he's heard from people who know him. He was also talking about how wacky Tom Cruise is again. He had another audio clip of Cruise asking a bunch of Paparazzi how they knew where he was going to be. One of the photographers told him that it was his publicist that told them where they were going to be. He also had a clip of a reporter asking Katie Holmes what she thinks of Scientology. She said she thinks it's great and she feels that she's bettering herself.
Debbie Schlussel was on the phone to talk about Brad Pitt. She said that the interview that Brad Pitt did would only talk about Africa. She brought up some of the other things that Pitt was complaining about on the show and how this country doesn't help out other countries. Howard and Debbie spent a minute on that. Debbie got in a plug for her web site DebbieDoesPolitics.com before Howard let her go. Howard and Robin spent a couple more minutes talking about the Brad Pitt interview.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after that. One guy said he's an EMT and he was willing to drive over to Artie's place and drag him over to the studio this morning. Another guy said he was watching Artie in a restaurant eating food. He was just joking around. Howard said he thinks Artie will be back later in the week. He said it will be Artie's story to tell.
Howard had some audio clips to play of Cousin Brucie talking about the WCBS format change. He said that Brucie has apparently flipped his wig over all of this and he's screaming about it on every show he can get on. There was one clip where Brucie called into a radio show and went on and on about the format change at the oldies station he was working at. Howard said he could listen to that guy all day long. He also said that Brucie seems to be like those guys in Japan who continued to fight after the war was over.
A woman called in and told Howard that she really liked his interview with Ron Howard last week. She told him that she thinks he deserves the ''Superman Award.'' Howard wondered how Ron is doing because his movie ''Cinderella Man'' only made $18 million over the weekend. Howard also goofed on the woman who called in because she seems to be calling in quite a bit lately. He figures that she's one of those women who never gets out of her couch and it has actually become part of her body.
Howard had some audio clips of Angie Everhart talking about her relationship with him. She was asked about her relationship with Howard and she said that she thinks that he's a ''great man.'' She didn't want to talk too much about it and got in a plug for ''The Real Gilligan's Island'' instead. Howard said he likes that there's a hot chick like that going around saying that he was the best lover she ever had.
Howard got back to the Cousin Brucie audio clips and played more of his phone call into another radio show. He also had a bunch of e-mail to read. He got some positive feedback about the Len Berman interview he did the other day. There was someone who corrected Robin about something she said about the Olympics and how cities can make some money when the host them. There were a bunch of e-mails aimed at Artie not being on the show yesterday. Howard said that Artie will explain what's going on with him when he returns tomorrow... or Friday. Howard said there were a bunch of people who liked the Jm J. Bullock interview yesterday. He was also corrected on the audio clip he played late in the show yesterday where a reporter farted during a newscast. It was a Swedish broadcaster, not a Russian like Howard had said. He replayed the clip for those people who didn't hear it.
Howard was asked to play some of the COPS audio clips where they tazer people. He replayed one where a woman was asked to get out of her car but she refused so they tazered her. He played another quick clip where a guy was screaming as he got zapped before he had to take another break a short time after that.
Howard played more of Paul's new CD and listened to his cover of ''Black Hole Sun.'' He asked Paul if he covered any rap songs. Paul said it was just 80s and 90s rock songs but they did cover a Michael Jackson song and a Lionel Richie song. Howard said he'd like to remake some rap songs like DMX's ''My Niggas.'' He had some swing music playing and sang the lyrics to that song.
Howard took a call from Ozzy Osbourne (Billy Mira) who mumbled out some unintelligible lines and had Howard play his cover of a Paul Anka song. Howard had some fun with that and then let ''Ozzy'' go back to bed. He got back to Paul and asked him more about his career. He asked Paul if it was true that he was supposed to be on the plane with Buddy Holly the night it crashed. Paul told Howard that he was on a sister tour. He also said that Buddy apparently forced the pilot to take off in bad weather conditions which turned out to be a very bad idea.
Howard had an audio clip of Paul yelling at his band that they found on the internet. Paul said that was recorded about 15 years ago when some snake came in and recorded it. Howard played the clip and Paul was yelling at one of the guys about guys getting shirts. Howard said the clip goes on for 12 minutes. Vinnie Favale from CBS came in and said that there are actually people out there selling t-shirts with quotes from that audio clip. Howard played a song parody that they created using clips from that audio. Paul said he doesn't get any royalties from that clip and he doesn't want any.
Paul told Howard that he wrote a special version of ''My Way'' for him. He sang it for him but the delay was hit at least twice. Howard told a story about running into Paul down in Atlantic City one time and how he plunked down a couple thousand bucks at the table he was playing at. Paul lost a few hands and about ten grand and then walked away from the table. Howard didn't hear back from him after that. Howard asked Paul if he had to give up half of his money when he got divorced. Paul said he did but he doesn't seem to have a problem with that. Howard and Paul also talked about Frank Sinatra and Sammy David Jr. Paul said he's waiting for a couple more people to die before he writes a book about those days. He told Howard a couple of stories but nothing very detailed. Howard wondered if he ever got to see Marilyn Monroe naked when he was hanging out with all of those guys. Paul said that never happened. Paul shared some stories about Elvis and said that he'd get so upset with Robert Goulet that he'd shoot out his TV. Paul would go over to his house and he'd see bullet holes in his wall. The guy sounded pretty crazy from what Paul was saying. He also said that Frank Sinatra was a pretty moody guy. They went to a casino one night and Sinatra was told that they couldn't give him any credit. Sinatra got on a blackjack table and yelled at them about how he made the place. They brought Sinatra into a coffee shop so he could talk to the pit boss. Frank ended up picking up a table and called the guy some names. That led to the guy punching Frank in the face and knocking out some of his teeth. The cops came and they took Frank to the hospital and they didn't work at that casino again.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that this interview was incredible. He was at the table the night that Paul stopped by. Howard played another clip from Paul's album which was a remake of Bon Jovi's ''It's My Life.'' Howard gave him a couple of plugs for his web site PaulAnka.com and Verve.com which is the distributor for the CD. He took a commercial break after that.
Joey G from ''The Sopranos'' called in and said that he misses Artie on the show. Howard said that Joey is getting married this coming weekend and wished him luck on that. Howard also heard from a caller that Paul Anka was going to be on ''The Sopranos'' this season but Joey hadn't heard anything about that. Howard spent a minute talking to him and let him go so they could get back to the news. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard asked Gary a question about cell phone service because he was having problems making a phone call. He said his phone is on ''roam'' and it won't allow him to make a call. Gary said it sounds like a service problem, not a phone problem. Howard said his phone always works from there so it's just today that it's not working. He would usually have his assistant Laura help him out with calling the phone company but she's on vacation. He doesn't really have anyone to help him out with that stuff when she's away. Howard said he's pretty much lost when it comes to even giving out his address. He said he has a PO Box that he gets his mail at and he doesn't know the number. He doesn't even know the alarm code to his house but Beth does. He said he won't go into a house by himself so he doesn't have to worry about that. He usually has other people with him when he goes to his house out on Long Island. There's always someone with him when he goes there. Robin asked him what would happen if Beth fainted. He said he'd be in trouble if that happened.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should turn his cell phone off back on and it might reconnect to the service. He might be right. Howard ended up complaining about Benjy moving to Artie's seat while he's not there. He wondered why he has to change things like that. Benjy said it was more comfortable there. Howard's phone rebooted and it was working just fine.
Howard talked about how Jackie went berserk years before he finally left the show but he kept bringing him back to the show anyway. He spent a couple of minutes talking about Jackie's plans to go to Hollywood to ''punch up'' scripts and stuff but that never happened. Gary remembered when Jackie would write letters and stuff to people that would piss everyone off at the company. Howard kept Jackie there anyway but things went all wrong when Jackie walked off the show back in 2001. Gary said that they gave Jackie a deadline for that last contract and they never responded. He said he talked to Gary years later and Jackie told him that he didn't think they were serious. Tom Chiusano came in and said he begged Jackie to take that deal back then. Howard talked about all of the wacky stuff that Jackie used to sell when he was on the show.
Howard said there are a lot of people on the show who self destruct. They played some of Jackie the Joke Man's jokes and had some fun with that. Tom said he used to keep Jackie's joke machines in his car and they were actually pretty funny. Howard said it's too bad they haven't heard back from Artie yet. A listener asked Howard if he's going to fire Artie or what. Howard said he's not sure he's even going to give him the chance to do that. Howard said he doesn't even want to go there because he loves working with Artie. The caller was asking Howard if he had any SIRIUS radios to give away this morning. Howard told him he's still working for a terrestrial radio company and there's no way they're going to let him give away that stuff on his show. He didn't have any cash prizes to give away either.
Howard said he thinks they should just sit and wait for Artie to pull himself together and come back to the show. Howard said if he's not back next Monday then he's going to think that they've been fired. He knows something is wrong with him because he missed a Scores party. High Pitch Eric called in as Artie and tried to do a bit but Howard bailed out on it within a few seconds. Double A called in next so Howard asked him why they haven't heard from him a while. Double A said he's just been partying a lot lately. Howard said that Double A adopted a dog and Beth was thinking that maybe he accidentally killed the dog or something. Double A said that's not the case and the dog is doing just fine. He was also wondering if he wanted to go over to Artie's place to check on him. Howard said he's pretty sure he doesn't want that.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and asked the guys what kind of money Jackie was looking for that led to his demise. Gary said he was looking for about $50,000 more than the company was willing to give him. Howard said that they were offering the guy a ridiculous amount of money to stay there and he admits that he was way overpaid. They've used that budget to hire a bunch of people and they still have money left over. King of all Blacks called in and said he thinks that the people who are doing the movie with Artie have turned him against Howard. Howard said those people are probably pulling their hair out because they want a guy on radio to promote it. Bobo called in and said he thinks they might need to do an intervention and it may have been Howard not giving his blessing for taking off an extra 3 weeks this summer. Robin thinks that it was Howard telling him he shouldn't take off that three weeks that drove him over the edge. She doesn't think that it's Howard's fault but that could have been the main reason Artie snapped.
Sal gave Howard some pictures of Jackie's Joke Master Jr. and one that the Sharper Image sells that's called the Laugh Master Jr. and looks exactly the same. They talked about that for a minute and Howard mentioned that he doesn't have any hard feelings against Jackie. He also joked that there are rumors going around that Jackie has kidnapped Artie. Howard said that someone wondered if this was some kind of renegotiation tactic for Artie but no one believes that. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she can't believe that Artie isn't showing up and she asked him to come back to the show. Howard thinks Artie will be back tomorrow but Robin wasn't so sure about that. She wondered if Howard would talk to Artie's mother if she called in. Howard said he'd like to talk to Artie but he'll talk to anyone at this point. He said he doesn't really expect to have someone's mommy call in when they're out sick. He had to take a break after that.
Howard changed subjects and brought up Cousin Brucie again. Brucie was fired from WCBS in New York after they changed formats. Now he's calling into just about every radio and TV show that he can. Howard played an audio clip that he played yesterday where Brucie was talking about the change. Then he played an audio clip from 1982 when Brucie was on the air doing the same rap when WABC AM changed format. It was basically the exact same speech that he's doing now. He was talking about how radio is a friendly medium and how they had taken the creativity out of it. Basically the exact same thing he's saying 23 years later. Howard played more of Brucie's current audio and goofed on that for a few seconds. He didn't want to get into that again since he'd just done it the other day. Howard read an article about how Brucie may be in talks with SIRIUS radio to get on there. Howard said if he gets hired over there, they're going to have a lot of fun with him. He said he hopes that he's on at the same time they're on the air so they can have him on their show for 10 to 15 minutes a day. Howard said that maybe he can take over for Artie who isn't there any longer. He corrected himself a short time later and said that he knows that Artie will come back. He's got to. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Tabitha about the movie and who's producing it and paying for it. Tabitha said she's producing it and has spent a lot of her own money on it. She said she may have put in over $100,000 of her own money into it. Howard told her that she might want to do a gang bang while she's hanging from those hooks if she wants the movie to do well. Howard tried to find out what kind of money they have in the budget for the movie. She refused to talk about how much she's put into it. Howard said that all movies talk about their budget. She said that by the time the movie is done, it will probably be over $500,000.
Howard understood Tabitha's depression after hearing a lot that. He asked her what Artie's depression was. She said that Artie told her that he'd like to leave something behind before he goes. He said that anyone can be in a movie and he'd like to have some kind of legacy to leave behind. Tabitha thought that was pretty deep but Howard didn't seem to think so. Tabitha is looking to get out of the porn business with this movie of hers. Zolar called in and said that he has done this hook hanging thing that Tabitha is talking about and it does leave puncture marks on your body. He also said that people who do it are insane. He goofed on Tabitha a little bit so Howard said it wasn't necessary to do that to her and hung up on him. He let Tabitha go a short time after that.
Robin thought it was kind of funny to picture Tabitha and Artie talking about that stuff together at Scores. Howard said if Artie ever shows up again, he's going to ask him about that and get all the details. He had to take another break after that.
Howard took some phone calls after that. In on of the calls they listened in as a guy was giving his order at a McDonalds restaurant. Howard thought the guy was doing a bit with the McDonalds thing but the guy wasn't doing anything, he was just calling in to tell Howard how much he enjoys the show. Howard tried to get the guy to ask out the chick at McDonalds but he wouldn't do it. Howard hung up on him a short time later.
Howard had some songs to play for Robin and wanted her to try and guess who the band was. He read some stats on this band that has had 19 singles on the Billboard charts and they've sold millions of records. He played the first song which was ''Shine.'' Robin listened and said it was a good song but she didn't know the name of the band. He played another song and Robin recognized that one as well but still didn't know which band it was. The next song was ''December'' and Robin thought she knew who it was. She guessed that it was Third Eye Blind or Three Doors Down. She was wrong. Howard told Robin more about the band trying to help her out. He said that they had a bunch of hit songs but they weren't able to find a label to release this new album of theirs. They put up their own money to put it out.
The band is Collective Soul. Howard had Ed Roland from the band on the phone to talk about it. Ed told Howard that it was actually their own choice to put their album out on their own. He said that they started doing the math after their last album and the way they were being paid didn't seem fair. Howard asked him what kind of money they were making per album sold. He figured it was about $.65 and $.75 per album. Then they had to split that between five guys in the band and a bunch of managers and stuff like that. Howard figured that the band would need to have a record company to help them get their albums played on radio stations. Ed said that they already had a name out there and they used a company that does promotion for record companies so things didn't change all that much. They've already sold 200,000 albums in the past 6 months and they're doing okay. He said they'll eventually be able to release it to the rest of the world and they'll sell even more.
Howard gave Ed a plug for the album, Youth, which is out now. Howard had the guys play ''Better Now'' which is their current single. Howard interrupted the song to ask Ed about how he and his brother had filed for divorce on the same day. Ed said that was true and they hadn't planned it that way. They were both at the lawyer's office on the same day. Howard got back to the song and played more of that. Howard gave Ed another plug for the album and for a show they're doing at Irving Plaza on June 22nd.
Howard asked Robin if she watched that dance show ''Dancing with the Stars'' last night. She missed it so Howard told her about some of the stuff that went on during the show. He said there's no way Rachel Hunter weighs the same she did back when she was modeling like she claims. He said she looked huge last night. He also talked about how Trista was voted off and how great that was. Howard wants to meet this Kelly Monaco chick who's on the show. He said he'd like to dance with her on his show and put it on E!.
Howard took a call from Irish John who asked if Beth gets jealous when Angie Everhart is out there talking about him. Howard said she doesn't seem to mind but also pointed out that Angie is out promoting ''The Real Gilligan's Island'' and she won't come on his show. He heard that she's engaged now and her fiancee may have put a stop to that. Howard spent a short time talking about Angie and how great it was when she said that he was the best she ever had. Howard thinks it makes him look good in other people's eyes. Gary came in and told Howard that she just had to leave ''Gilligan's Island'' because she cut her hand. Howard said all she needs is an injection of his hot beef to fix her. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about Angie's relationship. He said if he were the guy she's engaged to, he wouldn't want to hear about some big, ugly geek who used to bang her. He wished Angie the best and said that she's the nicest person in the world.
Gary came back in and read an article about Angie cutting her finger on ''The Real Gilligan's Island'' when she was shooting that. He had pictures of it for him as well. Howard said he didn't want to see that and changed subjects. He read a news article about a guy who raped an 88 year old woman. Howard said if they catch this guy, they have to kill him because that's so wrong. He ended up getting back on the subject of Angie Everhart for a few more minutes.
Howard said that he's having something funny done over at his new studio at SIRIUS. He's got molding up on the ceiling that he has something carved into. He said he had Angie's quote about how great he was in bed carved into the molding. Robin didn't believe it but Howard swore it was true. A listener called in and told Howard that Kelly Monaco was a Playboy Playmate at one point. He also said that she's pretty short at only 5'3'' tall. Richard Christy came in to talk about Kelly a little bit. He said that she has to be one of his all time favorites. Howard said he says that about just about every hot chick. Richard said he's going to have to start watching that dance show now that he knows she's on the show. Howard mentioned that Richard was invited to Scores and ended up messing up his pants while they were there. Richard said he went home and did it three more times because he was so worked up that night. Howard wondered how that could happen at Scores because they don't get that carried away. Robin wondered if Richard was the guy who raped the 88 year old woman that they were talking about earlier. Richard said he saw some Granny porn one time and it didn't turn him on at all. Howard had some audio clips of some Granny porn that was kind of disturbing to hear. The guys laughed as they were listening to the old lady getting banged.
Howard was thinking of holding a dance competition on the show with some Playboy Playmates but he figured it was all too visual. He thought about taping it and putting it up on his web site for people who want to see it. Richard was talking more about his ''accident'' at Scores so Howard told him that he should just wear an adult diaper so he can do it without worrying about anyone seeing the mess. Howard told him that he kind of had an accident when he was at Scores one night watching Beth getting a dance from a chick. Howard said Beth's back was up against his area and that's why he had his accident. Gary said he's pretty sure everyone has had an accident like that there. Howard doesn't have that problem usually. Richard said he's only had that problem one other time and he was only 14 at the time. He said it was while he was staring at a woman in a Bass Pro Shops catalog. She was wearing a bikini and he just started at it until he was finished.
Zolar called in again and asked Howard if Angie had the huge tattoo on her back when he was dating her. Howard said she didn't have that back then. Zolar told Howard about how she cut her finger on that ''Gilligan's Island'' show. He told him about some other stuff that went on during the show until Howard cut him off.
Leslie talked about recording ''Mississippi Queen'' with Ozzy a few months ago and how great that was. They changed the song a little bit when they recorded it. Leslie said he also heard his song playing in the movie ''The Longest Yard'' recently. Howard asked Leslie about his girlfriend and what's going on there. Leslie said he broke up with his long time girlfriend last year. He met a new girl last year and he's been dating her for a while now.
Howard wondered if Leslie is still using a needle to get an erection. Leslie said he's been using that for years to get himself up. He doesn't use Viagra because it doesn't do the same thing. Howard wondered if he shoots up in front of the girlfriend. Leslie said he doesn't do that. He said he told the new girlfriend right off the bat that he has to do that to get up though. He said he'll either leave the room or she'll leave the room and then he'll inject the stuff into his area. Leslie said it can take a few minutes to get going but sometimes it's immediate. Leslie said the erection can last a couple of hours even after he's done. Things are working out just fine for them. He said that he took the girlfriend out to Ozzy's house when they recorded the song. Howard said that's a good move. He got a hold of the version of ''Mississippi Queen'' (included in the Prince of Darkness box set) that Ozzy and Leslie recorded so he played some of that.
Howard gave Leslie a couple of plugs for his album ''Eruption,'' their web site MountainTheBand.com and some gigs they have coming up soon. Dominic Barbara called in and wanted to tell a story about what Leslie did to the other lawyer in their divorce settlement. Dominic said that Leslie ended up choking the guy after he said some stuff to him. Leslie said that the guy was asking a bunch of questions about his drug problems and stuff. Howard took a call from another guy who told Leslie that he thinks that taking Viagra caused his blindness. The guy is diabetic though so Leslie told him that it could be that issue that caused the blindness. Howard told Leslie that his show appreciates him and all of the music they've made over the years. He thanked him for everything he did for them over the years as well.
Howard and Leslie talked about how great the studios are over at the new place. Howard said things are going to be great over there when they move. He played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to the gay channel over there. Leslie said he's looking forward to them revisiting some of the old bits they used to do on the show that they can't do anymore. Howard got in another plug for ''Eruption'' and played some tracks from the album. Howard was going to go to break but Leslie wanted to play a song for Howard first. Scott the Engineer came in and helped him set up quickly. Leslie then played his acoustic guitar and did a cover of ''Blowin' in the Wind.'' Howard told Leslie he always gives him the chills when he plays and not everyone can do that. He went to break right after that.
Robin started her news but Howard interrupted a couple minutes in when a phone caller told him that he was recently told by his employer that he's not allowed to visit Howard's web site. He said he doesn't know how his boss knew he was on the site. Jason came in and told Howard that there's software out there that can tell employers what they're employees are looking at. Howard said that's the bosses issue and he just wants his employees working instead of visiting web sites.
During the news Robin brought up a story from Page Six that said he and Designer Betsy Johnson were comparing caricatures at a restaurant they were at recently. Howard said there is not one bit of truth in that article. He said that Betsy Johnson did come over to him the other night when he was out to dinner and he had taken a look at an awful caricature of himself on the wall of the restaurant, but he and Betsy were not comparing them. He said he's not going to fight the article because it's not that embarrassing. That's the same gossip column that printed an article about him buying a stripper a car one time. That story wasn't true either. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show saying that it was a big day today. George Lopez would be stopping by to talk about his kidney transplant. Howard also said he spoke to Artie yesterday after the show. He hadn't heard from him before then and he should be in on Monday. Howard said he hasn't been feeling well and he's hoping to be back on Monday. His stomach has been upset but he's going to be okay. Howard said Artie is embarrassed about coming back after everyone has been goofing on him. Robin wondered if he was gentle with Artie when he called. Howard said he was and he asked him a couple of questions and he's going to let Artie tell his own story when he does come in. He said Artie sounded good and he will be back. Howard admits that they might be screwballs but they do show up for work. He gave Artie some advice about going to the shrink and how he hates going. He said he doesn't want to go but he has to or else he'd be in the loony bin. Robin also said that going to the shrink is not taking something away from you but it gives you the ability to handle stuff that comes along in your life. They both know that Artie isn't going to go to a shrink but Howard tried to help.
Howard said his mother was a mess at one point in her life and he remembers his father telling her to become an alcoholic. The thing that really helped her out was the transcendental meditation that she started doing. Howard does the same thing. He said that Artie did tell him a few funny things but he's not going to reveal them yet. He said they might not be funny to Artie, but they were funny to him.
Howard complained about the heat in the studio and how he went to hug Leslie West after his interview. He was all sweaty from the heat and he saw Leslie cringe after hugging him because he was soaking wet. He saw him wiping his right hand after wrapping it around his back. Howard didn't want to tell Leslie not to hug him because his back was wet because he'd probably thinks he just didn't want to be touched. Tom walks in the studio and pretends like it doesn't bother him according to Howard.
Howard and the guys talked about last night's episode of ''Hit Me Baby One More Time.'' They talked about the bands that appeared on the show like The Knack and Tommy Tu Tone. Gary saw the whole show but Howard and Robin saw just some of it. Gary filled them in on some of the stuff that went on during the show. He stayed up until 11 last night to watch it and he's not sure how he does that every night. He only gets about 5 and a half hours of sleep every night but he's used to it now. He also said that he'll be watching the show next week. Howard said that dance show on ABC is getting huge ratings, even bigger than the first week. Gary told him that Kelly Monaco from that show wants to come on now. So does Joey Mcintyre. Howard said that Beth saw that Howard got nude pictures of Kelly yesterday and asked him if he was in love with her. Gary said it looks like things are changing in Howard's relationship. That cool chick he was with is getting jealous. Howard said that Gary is one to talk, he had a cool girl until he got married.
Gary told Howard that he's got a trip to a battleship coming up in a couple of weeks where he'll be sleeping in it with his kids who are in the Boy Scouts. Gary said there's no air conditioning in the thing so it's going to be really hot. He said he's heard that the kids love this kind of stuff. He's going to be going to keep an eye on things to make sure nothing weird goes on with the boys. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
Howard played the audio clip of Blind Playmate Lisa Heughan leaving a message for Will telling him to give Howard a message about how much she dislikes him and how she feels she's been used. She was calling Howard a child molester and gay. Howard told Gary to save the call for when they go to satellite so they can play it without the bleeps. He also played the prank call he played on the show yesterday where Sal and Richard called a chicken place and goofed on the Indian guy who answered the phone. Howard said guys are really uptight after he listened to that call. He went on to talk about how there are Pakistani KFC stores that are getting blown up pretty often over there. It's looked at like a symbol of the U.S. over there and guys can't even get their businesses going because they get blown up. Howard said he can't imagine going to a KFC in another country and trust it. He said he went to a Burger King in Aruba one time and waited an hour for a Whopper. He said they were way too relaxed down there making food. That led to Howard talking about how he would eat just about anything during his fat days. He talked about the day his daughter was born and how he once ate a hamburger out of a vending machine that had to be heated up in a microwave. He said he had a stomach virus for 3 days after that. He had to go home after that because he was so sick.
A listener called in and told Howard a story about meeting Kelly Monaco down in Florida a few years back. He was in the elevator with her and thought he was going to score with her. He saw her a little later signing autographs and figured he couldn't score. The guy also thought he saw her making out with a chick but he wasn't even sure that he saw that. Howard said he sees her on that dance show and he finds her to be ''frigging hot.'' He took another phone call from a woman who said she calls the show just to hear it because they don't get the show out where she lives. She also told Howard that her husband is a Marine and he's over in Iraq right now. He's been there since February. Howard told her how bad he feels for guys like that. He put the woman back on hold so she could listen to the show.
Howard asked Tom if he'd have a problem with a son checking his mother for breast cancer. Tom said that would be fine if the guy is a doctor. Tom told Howard they'd have to hack up the bit if they let it air. Gary thinks that would be a bad idea. Howard told Tom he's going to have a full week of guys feeling up their mothers when they move to satellite. He also told Gary to figure out a way to get the money from the sponsor and fool Tom about what bit they're going to do. Howard played a ''Tom Chiusano Morality Hotline'' bit. He also played another bit where they played some of the bits that Tom bleeps for ''Best Of.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to come in and play the game with his mother. Howard said he would have played the game and it would have been a surprise for everyone. He wanted Gary to tell Tom they were just having mother and son teams come in to play the game because it would be cute. Then he'd surprise everyone and bring up the feeling up part of the game. They had another idea for a ''Fantastic Four'' game that Tom put a stop to. Howard said they were going to have women in who had fantastic powers. Tom figured they'd be talking about sexual powers and they'd have to censor the show. Howard figures there are ways to run stuff like that around Tom in a way that he won't know what they're actually going to be doing.
Howard asked Tom about all of the plastic bracelets he had on his arm. Tom had a yellow ''Livestrong'' band and a pink band for breast cancer. There was also a green one for a Tsunami Relief fund that a friend of his started. Howard told him it's enough of the bracelets already. He asked him how long he's going to wear those things. Tom said he'll wear them until he gets sick of them.
Gary told Howard that George Lopez was there and he has to be a big fan because he got excited when he saw Ronnie and ''Wood Yi'' out in the hall. Gary told Howard that George was involved in the Michael Jackson case because he was involved with one of the kids who is accusing Jackson. Howard took a break so they could get to George.
Howard said that this whole kidney thing with George is wild. George said that his wife gave him a kidney because he was dying. He said he had a kidney problem ever since he was a kid. He used to wet the bed when he was a kid and his family would humiliate him trying to get him to stop. That didn't work because it was his kidney problem. He said that when you hold it in with his problem, it caused even more problems. George talked about how he eventually stopped wetting the bed but it would slip out once in a while. He said his wife understood his problem though. George also told Howard about his father running out on the family when he was little and took his birth certificate and some of his clothes. He thinks his father took that so he could get his other kids in from Mexico. His mother dated some dude who was like 60 years older than she was after his father left. He said it was horrible to have a guy driving him to work who looked like the Crypt Keeper. George said he doesn't want anything to do with his mother or his father's family. They're apparently quite a mess from what George was saying. He said his mother doesn't even have his number.
George told Howard about the many friends who called him and talked about how one family member's only call was to a tabloid. That person told them that George had molested his mother and slept with his cousins. George said that they're going to find that person and put them back in the trailer park they belong in. George talked about his grandmother who raised him and how demented she is. Howard can't believe that his dad doesn't ask him for money. George said his family accused him of banging his mother but he never even saw his mother when he was a kid. The Enquirer didn't even believe that story when they heard it. They gave the number to George's publicist so they'd know who made the call.
George said that he was in really bad shape with this kidney problem and he was still shooting his TV show. He only had about 18 percent kidney function and they wouldn't even show up on the ultra sound he had done one day. He didn't want to give up his TV show so he didn't tell anyone and put off the operation until April. He knew that his wife was going to match his kidney and it turned out it was an excellent match. She had a kidney that had two arteries going to it so it's like he has a ''super kidney.'' Howard figures George can never divorce this woman because she gave him one of her kidneys. George said he used to drink quite a bit and his wife was the only one who wanted to save him. He said that she once wanted to kick him out of the house and packed up his car so tight that he could barely fit in it himself. He said he eventually got her back after realizing what she meant to him. George said that people are always asking him if he has to be nice to his wife now that he's got one of her kidneys. George said he doesn't have to be as nice as he had to be before he got it.
George said that he's been working out and eating right lately so he's feeling a lot better these days. He talked about Sandra Bullock since she's an executive producer for his show. George said that she came to a comedy club one night and saw him doing his stand up act and his stories were so good that they knew they could make a show out of it. She's been a huge supporter of his show ever since. Howard asked how all of that came about. George told Howard the details about how the deal worked. They spent a minute on that and then Howard changed subjects to the Michael Jackson case. George was kind of upset about the guy who portrayed him on the E! channel. George said that the guy looked more like Scott Peterson than George Lopez. George also said that he watched the coverage and the woman who played the wife was the greasiest person they could find and looked like Mindy from ''Facts of Life'' in bad clothes. He said it looked like they pulled a cleaning woman from the back room and put her on there. George also had some stories to tell about Michael Jackson. He said he's figured out why Jackson wears tape on all ten of his fingers. He said that the guy is African American and the one place he can't change colors is under his fingernails. He wears the tape to cover up the dark skin under his nails.
George also brought up the obsessed fans outside the court at the Jackson case and how one person was yelling out ''Don't touch boy's private parts!'' George said that he wasn't the guy they wanted, he was inside the court. George said that he had to hire a lawyer himself even though he was just a witness in all of this. He said he had this kid over to his house one time and the kid left his wallet there. George checked the wallet and found a crisp $50 bill in the wallet but he returned it. He was later accused of stealing $300 from the kid's wallet. George said that's what was brought up in the trial and that's why he jumped from the defense to the prosection because they were using the story in a way that made him look bad. George said that Michael was looking at him and smiling at him during the trial and he had to look away. He said he figures he's a little too old for him anyway. George told Howard about what Jackson looked like the day he went there. He said that Michael looked like a nutcracker at Christmas dressed as Captain and Tenile at the same time. He also said that he was the whitest guy there. He doesn't look like he's white anymore, he's the color of vellum now. George thinks that Jackson is going to be going away when this trial is over. He doesn't expect riots if that happens though. He thinks that the Asian community will go nuts because Michael looks Asian these days.
George told Howard about how he was once pulled over for drunk driving and blew a 2.3 on the breathalyzer. He said his grade point average was only 2.2 when he was in school so he blew that away. George told Howard about the nice house he has out in California. He said he has neighbors like Jenny Garth, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Damon Wayans living nearby. He said he also has Andy Garcia living a few blocks away. Howard congratulated George on his TV show because it's only 8 shows away from syndication and they'll also reach their 100th episode next season so that's where the big money comes in. Howard also brought up this movie that George is in called ''Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3D.'' That led to George and Howard talking about the director of the movie, Robert Rodriguez. Howard said that the guy used to sell his body for research so he could make money for his movies. George said he's a great director and he's playing the evil guy in the movie. He also talked about how it was Robert's son who came up with the story ideas for the movie. George said the 3D effects are great in the movie. Howard told George about the 3D effects in his ''Butt Bongo Fiesta'' video. He said he learned quite a bit about the 3D process when he shot that. George said he was supposed to do just one part in the movie but ended up doing four.
Howard reviewed what they'd just learned and congratulated George on getting his new kidney and about the hit TV show and this new movie that opens today. Howard thanked him for coming in. George told Howard he can't wait for him to move to satellite. Gary came in and said he heard a funny story about George having some work done on his house. There were 15 workers there and the guys didn't know that he was the owner so they said they should just jump in since the owner wasn't there. George told that story and then told another story about a guy doing some tile work at his house and he was told not to use the bathroom in the house because the owners don't like it when they use it. It was his house though. Howard wondered if the workers that come to his house are jealous of him. George said they're proud of him and seem to respect him. George told Howard that this appearance is better than the time he appeared on the Tonight Show. He said that Johnny Carson was the host at the time and didn't have him sit on the couch. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and went to break.
A listener called in and told Howard how great the interview with George Lopez was. Howard said the guy was really funny and he's going to watch his show now. Howard took another phone call and that guy said he liked the interview as well. Joey Boots also called in and told Howard that he was out eating dinner and Russell Crowe was sitting near him. He claims that Crowe's phone was ringing and he had the Rocky theme song as his ring tone. Joey said he asked Russell if he'd ever consider doing the Howard Stern Show and the guy just laughed and wouldn't give him a straight answer. Joey said the restaurant was a nice place called Sugar. Howard thought that he was on disability but Joey said that he does work. He said that he has some mental problems and that's what his disability is based on. Howard let Joey go after he got in a plug for his buddy's body shop Off the Hook Auto.
Howard took a few more phone calls after that. One guy asked Howard how long he should date his girlfriend before he moves in with her. Howard told him to put it off as long as possible until it becomes really uncomfortable to be apart. He said it has to be an issue for the girl before he moves in because then it will appear that he's done something great. Robin said that was the wrong advice and making a woman ''earn'' something isn't right. Howard told the guy about how Beth had a problem with her apartment and that's why she ended up moving in with him. Robin said she was already living there and she was sleeping there every night. Howard said that's not true, she was sleeping there but she didn't have her clothes there. Robin insisted that he was lying about it so Howard told the guy to do as he says, not as he does. Howard said it's actually been great having her live with him though.
A listener called in and said that he listened to Maxim Radio on SIRIUS the other day and Angie has changed her story about him again. She's now saying that Howard was the ''best boyfriend'' she ever had and not the best sex like she said one time. Howard said it's probably her fiancee who doesn't like hearing that stuff so that's why she's changing the story. Howard pointed out that she did say that he was the best sex he ever had when she was on the show one time. Robin said that it wasn't in print though because she said he was the best boyfriend she ever had. He bragged about how Angie needed his hot beef injection when she was with him.
Another caller brought up the Katie Holmes interview on Letterman last night. He said that she got really humorless when she was being interviewed. Howard said he'll get some tape of that and listen to it himself to hear it for himself. J.D. came in and said he wasn't going to pull the clip because it's the same schtick she pulls on every other show. Howard and Robin said that they haven't heard any of her schtick yet so he should pull it. Howard goofed on Gary because he heard that J.D. Had gone to him and asked about pulling some clips and was told not to do it. Gary came in and told Howard that J.D. Told him there was nothing interesting there and it wasn't necessary to pull the clip. Howard told J.D. He liked him better when he was a gork. He said the guy used to be like the kid in Napoleon Dynamite and ever since his makeover, he's not the same.
Howard had an audio clip from a spelling bee where a kid broke into a Napoleon Dynamite impression. He was asked to spell a word and broke into the impression which confused some people. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that he was surprised that J.D. didn't pull the clip because there was some interesting stuff in that interview. Gary figures Vinnie just called in because it was a Letterman clip that wasn't played and if it was the Tonight Show he wouldn't have bothered. Vinnie said that's not true and he would have called in either way. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard mentioned that the guy who runs his web site has asked him to mention that it's his son's birthday today. Howard asked him not to pass along his problems but then gave him a mention anyway. He also mentioned that Beth and their dog Bianca were there in the studio. Robin hadn't even seen them even though they were sitting in the studio. He brought up a story about a Bill O'Reilly cruise that was supposed to happen but it ended up getting canceled because of a lack of interest in it. Howard figured that Robin would like that story. He had Robin start her news after that. They ended the show around 10:05am.
