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| Wednesday | Thursday |
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| Friday | This Week On E! |
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Howard started off the show saying that he was going to call off the show today because he just didn't feel like coming to work. The weather has been nice lately and he'd like to take off today while he has a chance to do it before the company lets them go without notice. Robin wondered what he was going to do to call off the show. Howard said he was just going to not come in and leave everyone hanging. That led to him talking about a local DJ who was missing in action and ended up getting fired. Howard wasn't even sure what the whole story was because he thinks his reading comprehension isn't all that great, plus, he doesn't really care.
Howard said there was a picture of a hot chick in a magazine he read. Her name is Nikki Griffin. He'd ripped the page of the magazine out and read the bio on her to Robin and the guys. Howard said he's a big fan of hers now. He also brought up how Beth was showing him an article about bathing suits and how they can tell other people what kind of person you are. She appears in the article showing her ass which he was surprised to see because she always walks out of the room backwards so he can't see her ass. He said that if he had an ass like that he'd be showing it off all the time. He was talking about how he covers up his penis and ass when he walks out of the room after having sex with Beth. He tells her that if she sees his ass it would lead to trouble. He says he doesn't care but Robin said he obviously does. Howard admitted that he does care.
Howard talked about the movie box office winners for the weekend. That got him talking about ''War of the Worlds'' has to do well because they spent something like $188 million to make it. He said that they did spend a lot of money with special effects in the movie and it's a good movie. He read that the budget on ''Spider-Man 2'' was $200 million so War of the Worlds was a good deal compared to that.
(''BBQ USA: 425 Fiery Recipes from All Across America'' and ''How to Grill: The Complete Illustrated Book of Barbecue Techniques'') who sent him a bunch of tools for his grill. He talked about the special long sleeve gloves that he got and how great they were. He got some brushes for cleaning the grill and some smoking boxes for smoking the food. Howard said he doesn't know where this guy is selling his stuff but he figured he'd give him a plug. Robin said she bought a grill but she hasn't used it yet. It's just looking got sitting out on her deck. Howard said he could give her some lessons. He went on to talk about how he bought a chicken, cleaned it up and grilled it. Robin said she doesn't buy whole chickens, she buys parts of the chicken. Howard told her that she really needs to grill the whole thing. Howard figures that grilling is a manly thing and that's why he enjoys it so much and Robin doesn't. He was telling everyone about how he cooked up this chicken after rubbing it with some stuff. He was also talking about how he cooked it as a Beer Can chicken. It took about 2 hours to cook it and it was delicious.
Scott DePace came in and said that he ruined a chicken last night when he put too much salt on it. He said every taste was pretty bad. Howard told him to use Kosher salt when he cooks. Scott told him that Rosemary is the best thing to use on grilled food. He said he uses that on just about everything he cooks. He asked Robin if she can start her own grill. She said she can start it but she runs away from it once it's lit. Howard said he's going to learn how to fish and then how to clean the fish so he's a real man. Artie told Howard to ask Richard Christy to teach him that stuff because he did all of that when he was living out in Kansas.
Howard told Scott he's going to get some of these tools for him to use. He told him he needs a good meat thermometer. Robin said that she has a digital one but Howard said he had one that he didn't like. Artie cracked a joke while Scott and Howard were talking about the stuff they cook on the grill. Scott said that Artie is back joking around and Howard was saying that his prescription drugs must be helping him out. They asked Artie about his weekend and he said that it was another sober one for him. He wasn't drinking at all so the guys talked to him about that. Artie said that he doesn't drink any non-alcoholic stuff or anything like that. Richard Christy was the one asking about that stuff. That led to Artie talking about how he and the director of his movie ''Beer League'' had a meeting over the weekend and he didn't want to stop working because he didn't have any drinking to do. Howard asked him if he got a shave over the weekend because he looked pretty clean today. Artie said he didn't go to the shave place again, he shaved himself. Artie said he's kind of worried about getting AIDS going to places like that. That led to them talking about how the razor that gets used is the same one for everyone so you don't know what's on it. They talked about the blue water they use to disinfect that kind of stuff. Howard said he shaves without shaving cream after getting out of the shower. Richard Christy asked him ''That don't hurt when you don't use any?'' That led to Howard goofing on him about his grammer and accent for a short time. Richard said that Sal goofed on him for saying ''Swimmin' Trunks'' the other day. He also told Howard about fishing with his father and how they would live on the 80 pound catfish they used to catch. He said they would freeze the stuff and eat that and meat loaf just about every night because they didn't have all that much money. He also talked about how his father would catch the fish and put their heads on fence posts. They had so many heads that just about every fence post for half a mile had a catfish head on it.
Howard changed subjects and said that a hero of his died over the weekend. Fred knew that he was talking about Paul Winchell but he had a mouth full of food when he said it. Howard talked about the guy and what an influence he was on him. Howard talked about the puppets he had and how the guy had over 30 patents as an inventor and did a bunch of cartoon voices over the years. Howard also read that the guy overcame polio and a some speech impediments when he was younger. Howard said he got into ventriloquism because of Paul Winchell. Robin asked him when he did that. Howard said he wasn't good at it but he could do some voices without moving his lips. He was doing it and not moving his lips but he wasn't saying much of anything that was intelligible. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Paul Winchell's artificial heart invention and some of the other stuff he invented. He invented a disposable razor, a flameless cigarette lighter and an invisible garter among other things. That led to Howard talking about the stuff his mother used to wear years ago and how he doesn't know how his father ever got hard for that. He was talking about her girdle and giant panties that were so ugly. He said women back then were enormous and didn't care what they ate. Artie said he watched ''Some Like It Hot'' not too long ago and Marilyn Monroe was pretty chubby in that movie. Fred said she was actually pregnant during that movie but she lost the baby when she had a miscarriage. Artie wondered whose baby it was.
Howard said he was reading an article in People magazine where they had the ''10 Biggest Idiot Criminals'' and Crazy Cabbie was listed in there for his tax evasions stuff. Howard's picture was also thrown in there since Cabbie announced that he didn't pay his taxes on his show. Gary came in and told Howard that Paul got no money from the disposable razor thing because some people told him that it wouldn't sell. Another company came out with a similar idea and made millions on the idea. Howard said that's why he doesn't invent anything, someone would just rip him off. He talked about the device that Scott DePace invented and how he thought it didn't look all that light weight. Scott came in and said that the Video Caddy weighs less than a pound and he thinks that it's going to sell well. That led to Howard asking Scott about why they yell ''Fore'' before they hit the ball in golf. Scott didn't know but Artie said he thinks they do it to say that you're coming forward in the game. Howard accepted that and went right to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who told a couple of jokes. He asked ''Why are black people not attacked by sharks? - Because they're mistaken for whale crap.'' There were a couple of other lame Black and Jew jokes that he told before Howard let him go. Another caller told Howard about seeing him as Fartman back in the early 90s and then shared some stories about Paul Winchell. He said he heard that his daughter claims that Paul was abusive to his wife and didn't stay in touch with his own daughter. The caller thinks that the daughter would make a great guest on the show. Howard said he's not sure that many people know who Paul Winchell was so he's not sure he'd have her on the show. Gary said that on the daughter's web site, AprilWinchell.com, she claims that her father was a very unhappy man and she hopes that he's found a better place. He said it figures that his hero was a mess.
Howard had a new game to play where he had some audio clips from a Japanese commercial and a gay porn. He played two clips and the guys had to guess where they came from. Both of the clips sounded like they were from a gay porn. Robin and Artie guessed that the second clip was from a Japanese commercial and they were right. It was supposed to be a plumber trying to clear a clog or something like that. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard asked Lori about her web site and read that she did 9 porn movies in 6 months. Howard was going to have Richard Christy do some Butt Bongo on this chick's ass. He played some audio clips of some long drum solos that Richard could play along to when he's doing the Butt Bongo thing. The Led Zeppelin drum solo he was playing went on and on for minutes. Howard figured Lori's ass would be bleeding by this point if he let Richard play along the whole time. Howard said they should have gotten the live version because that goes on even longer than the studio version he played. Howard asked Richard if he could do the live version. Richard said he hasn't heard the song in years but he'd like to try the beginning of Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher.'' A short time later Richard was beating Lori's ass with his hands. She was in pain before the ''Hot for Teacher'' drum solo was done. Lori said it stings but she likes it. Howard told her to take a breather because she was as red as a beet. Howard wanted Richard to do the ''Walk This Way'' drum solo but then Richard started to go again and Howard told him to stop for a minute. Then he had Richard play some drumming from some songs that they could try and guess. The first one he played was Rush's ''Tom Sawyer.'' Howard said Lori's ass was getting really red and told her she might want to take a break. Richard played another Led Zepplin drum solo and Lori was taking it pretty well. She said her ass was stinging but she had some baby oil to put on it to cool it down. Howard told her to take a break after Richard oiled her up.
Howard said Lori took quite a beating and Richard can really pound. Lori said she's had her ass beaten by a lot worse including a wooden spoon. Howard took a phone call from a guy who was impressed by Richard's drumming abilities. Howard read that Lori's grandfather allegedly molested her. She said he's not around any longer though. She said he stayed in a trailer in the back yard of her parents house. He was 75 when he passed away from Diabetes. She said she loved him even though he did that to her. She said that the guy would play games with her and she would get naked and ride around on his back as if her were a horsie. She said she'd jump up and down like he was a horse but he'd stick his hand up her dress and flip her off of his back. Howard was hoping to drum on Lori's ass but it was so red he wasn't sure he wanted to do that.
The guys asked Lori about her ''fitness model'' claims. She said she was a fitness model before she got into porn so that's why she calls herself that. Richard told Howard that Sal wanted him to ask Lori to do some wacky stuff. Howard said that they've had enough of Sal. Gary came in and asked Lori why the date on her signed release was a different date than she was claiming in the studio. Howard told her to leave her alone because she's being a good sport. Howard had Lori come over to him so he could do some Butt Bongo himself. Lori said that he was even rougher than Richard was. He did some drumming for about 10 seconds and got worn out pretty quick. Howard got back to Lori's life and asked her about how her husband wouldn't let her talk to good looking guys or even watch TV shows with good looking guys on them. Howard had Lori doing some poses for them in the studio to see her body. She did some stuff and Howard made some fart sound effect when she bent over. She's very proud of her abs so she was showing them off to Howard.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and asked Lori if she would do some sit-ups into his crotch. She was up for just about anything so that's what she did. Howard gave her another plug for her web site LoriLust.tv as Sal was getting into position. She did a few sit-ups but didn't like having Sal's ass in her face. Sal was trying to squeeze some farts out but Lori didn't like that. There was some squirting of mayonnaise going on during the sit-ups as well. Richard wanted to hear what Lori sounds like when she's having sex so they hooked her up with a vibrator. She wanted some lube but that wasn't going to happen. She went ahead and played with the vibrator a little bit but there wasn't much happening. Howard wrapped up wanted to go to break but Doug wanted to spray her down with some cooking oil. She was up for that and let him spray her down quite a bit before they wrapped up and went to commercial.
Howard said he missed seeing Greg Kihn on ''Hit Me Baby One More Time'' but Gary recorded it for him. This guy Greg Kihn covered Green Day's ''Boulevard of Broken Dreams'' but it didn't go too well. Howard played some of Green Day's original version and compared it to Greg Kihn's. Howard said he likes that show and also brought up the dance show that he's been watching lately. He likes that show because they have Kelly Monaco on it. Howard said he'd like to get her in there to do some butt bongo on her ass. Gary said they've been trying to get her on the show but after this week the show is over.
Howard said he got a note from John Stamos recently where he told him that he's loving life being single. He told Stamos not to write him anymore if that's what he's going to tell him. Stamos is hanging out in Miami right now doing some ''damage'' down there. The guys talked about John for a few minutes and wondered what he's been doing for work lately. Artie said that John and Bob Saget are rich from that ''Full House'' show so they might not even have to work.
Hook Nose Mike called in and said that he wasn't the one who called in on Friday as ''Hook Nose Mike.'' It was someone else and he suggested that whoever it was find their own way of calling in. Mike said that the chick that Howard likes on that dance show isn't as hot as he says she is. Howard said her face might not be all that great but she's got a kick ass body. Mike also wished the E! crew luck after the show is over. Howard read a letter from a guy who said that Howard seems to be cursing a bunch of things that have failed lately. They said that Howard picked John Kerry to win the election, and ''The Contender'' and ''Cinderella Man'' both failed miserably in the movies and TV. Howard said he's got a pretty good track record because he said that this dance show he watches was going to be a huge hit this summer. (He actually said that it was awful and he was done with it after watching the first episode).
Ralph called in and told Howard to stop saying that Kelly Monaco is that hot because she's not. Howard said she's way hot in his opinion. The two of them spent a few minutes talking about how big Rachel Hunter is and how bad she was on that show. Hook Nose Mike suggested that they have Ralph down to talk about how to not work and still make a living since he seems to be pretty good at that. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how Ralph has managed to work himself into first class seats when they fly places even though he doesn't seem to have any money. Ralph said that doesn't work like it used to. Howard said the biggest schnurer is Stuttering John. Howard heard that John's credit card failed when he went to pay for dinner with the guys the other night but Artie didn't think that was the case. Scott DePace said that he's not sure the card bounced but there was some kind of issue with the card because the waiter had to talk to him about it. It may have had something to do with the tip not being included or something.
Zolar called in and said that he knows why Ralph was voted most popular to be taken off the show. He said that he was out at a club one night and Ralph tried to bum a cigarette off of him. Zolar said he tried to give him a Marlboro but Ralph wanted something that was menthol. He said he was being picky about the cigarettes he was taking from him and that wasn't right. Howard had Robin start her news right after that.
Howard started off the show asking Artie what he had to eat first thing this morning. Artie said he had a toasted bagel with butter. Howard then asked Gary if there was something that he wanted to talk about first thing today. Gary confirmed there was but he hadn't given Howard the note about what it was. Howard also mentioned that there was another big doody in one of the toilets in the station's bathroom. He was asked if they wanted to take another sample to do a DNA test on it, Howard said he's done with that. He found out that they can't test doody for DNA. Will came in and told Howard that the place they called told them that they can't even tell if it's human doody. They won't be testing to find out if it's Cabbie's or not. Gary said that they still have that sample they took last week so Howard told him to get rid of it. Howard told everyone what they were going to do with the doody after they found it in the toilet, unflushed, last week. They thought it might be Cabbie's but he denied doing it so they were going to have it tested. Little did they know that they couldn't test it. Howard and Robin talked about Cabbie getting caught for not paying taxes after announcing it on their show. Howard said Cabbie could have gotten away with it if he hadn't announced it to millions of people.
Howard took a call from a guy claiming to be a Thetin 7 in the Scientology world. He was telling Howard about how they come up with the Thetin numbers by finding out where a person is on some chart they track them with. They were wondering where Tom Cruise is on that chart. The caller also told Howard about a web site that they ban Scientologists from visiting but Howard started to get bored with the whole thing. He said that all religions are wacky and they're just ways to get money out of people.
Scott DePace came in and ended up talking to Howard about how he got his job there working for the E! people. Scott was brought in from California and did some robotic camera operation and then got the job as director. Howard and Scott spent a few minutes talking about how he got the position even though he was never really an official director. Scott claims that he is a director and the camera operator was a stepping stone to the job. Scott had to defend himself when Howard asked him when he became an official director. Scott was saying that he knew camera angles and how to do the job. Howard told him that he's done a good job so far and didn't really have any complaints. He also said that Mike Gange got his job at E! after he was doing a horrible job working for him. That led to them talking about the time that Mike put some shows on tape for a friend of Howard's but he didn't erase the porn that was on the tape before. Howard said that killed him when that happened. The woman who got the tape was married to an ex-priest. Howard got into more detail and told the story again. He was going to give this tape to this woman who was recovering in a hospital for an illness she had. Howard had Mike Gange put this show on tape for her and Gange used an old porn tape to record on. He failed to erase the tape before hand so there was some porn left on the tape when they got it. Howard never got a thank-you for the tape and later found out that they had seen the porn and weren't amused. Howard said that Gange blames him for the problem even though he was the one who put the show on tape. Mike wanted out of the job he was doing for Howard but Howard didn't want him going to E! because he didn't think he was that creative. He thought that Mike was a slacker back then but he let him take the job anyway.
Artie said that he thinks Mike is a great guy but Howard said everyone is a great guy to Artie. Artie didn't have anything bad to say about anyone there. Gary told Howard that Mike Gange wasn't their first choice for an intern there way back when they hired him. He said that they interviewed some other people first. Gary shook Mike's hand and it was soaking wet so they hired a girl before he was hired. The girl didn't last more than 2 weeks or so and then they had to hire Mike. Howard got back to talking about Scott not being a ''real'' director. Scott said he directed a few other things and explained how he helped out with some news feeds and drag racing. Howard thinks that they need to upgrade their people if they get a new TV show going. He wants to have some new looks and angles when they do another show and he wondered if Scott is ready for that. Scott said he's ready and he already knows Howard's good angle. Howard says there is no good angle for him. Howard then asked Scott who the current camera operator is because maybe he could make him a director. Scott said it's Brian Phelan. Howard said they could let him direct a bit and Scott said that he has filled in for him a few times when he's been out. Howard told Scott he really didn't know that he wasn't a real director.
Scott bragged about how he caught Robin flashing her bra on the show where Cindy Margolis was getting sprayed down with water. He said he could have missed that shot because it was kind of a surprise when she actually did flash. Howard is still saying that he should have an announcement about what his future TV plans are in a couple of weeks.
Gary and Scott were talking about the war in Iraq and ended up talking about World War II. Gary was telling Scott that his father signed up to go into the army when he was only 17 years old. He thinks about how insane that is. Howard ended up talking about how there will eventually be a draft once Iraq drains our military and Scott will finally see what a mistake it is for us to be over there. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard had an audio clip of Bobby Brown talking about how he and his wife Whitney Houston do this thing called ''slap boxing'' where they play around with each other. He said they don't beat each other up, they just play around. Robin said that's like OJ Simpson saying that Nicole Brown was the one who beat him up. Artie said the next thing after slap boxing is ''slap stabbing.''
Howard talked about a special they did on MTV where they had Ashton Kutcher's greatest rants from ''Punk'd.'' He then played an audio clip of Dave Chappelle doing a comedy bit / poem about Ashton Kutcher and his Punk'd show. It was actually on the Def Poetry Jam. Howard then went on to play some clips from the Ashton Kutcher ''greatest rants'' show. In the first clip Ashton was going off on a pregnancy test. Howard wondered how people watch that show and buy into that whole thing. The rant was awful and Howard doesn't get it. He said that Ashton is ''just... not... Human.'' The next clip was Ashton going on and on about how Kirsten Dunst thought there was no way she'd ever get Punk'd. He was going on and on about how she didn't call him back when he called her. Howard was talking about how bad the second ''Charlie's Angels'' movie was while they were talking about Ashton and Demi Moore. Howard was talking about how Demi's age is starting to show as she gets older. Howard was all over the place talking about Demi and the movie ''Ghost.'' That led to the guys talking about the guy who played the part of the guy who kills Patrick Swayze's character. Artie said that guy used to be a stand up comic and he heard a story about him getting pulled over by the cops one day. He got caught with some heroin and the cops told him that if they put their lights on the hood of his car and he did some stand-up for them, they might let him off. Artie said he heard he did 10 minutes for the guys and killed so they let him off. Artie also said that the guy, Rick Aviles, died of AIDS or something because he was a drug addict. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard said Henry Hill was on the phone. He was apparently an outpatient at a rehab center. Henry told Howard that he's been in rehab about 10 times but Howard figured it was more like 20 times. Henry told Howard that they thought he had throat cancer as well but he doesn't. Henry said that he's as ''fit as a fissle'' and was slurring his words as he was talking to Howard. Howard asked him what he wanted but Henry was barely able to get out that he's opened an Italian restaurant in North Platte, Nebraska. Howard thought he said ''Plywood'' Nebraska or something like that. Henry was slurring out some other stuff so Howard asked him to count to ten and then count backwards to find out if he's drunk. Henry wasn't able to count backwards but he quickly changed the subject and told Howard he's got his own sauce coming out soon.
Henry claims that he's in a lot of pain and that's why he's slurring the words. Howard said it's probably Karma coming back to get him for killing all of those people. Henry said he didn't kill anyone though. He was moaning and sounded like he was dying to Howard. Henry said he was swimming yesterday and all of his muscles are killing him from that. He got in a plug for his gravy which is available at SundayGravy.net
Howard took a call from this guy Pauly who always calls in when Henry calls in. He said he's happy that Henry is in pain and brought up how Henry was caught trying to bring some drugs on a plane recently. Henry claims that it was an empty syringe and it was just insulin that was in the needle. Henry was still moaning and Pauly was goofing on him about it. He told Henry to take the marbles out of his mouth and speak up. Howard asked Pauly why Henry is still alive after all he's been through. Pauly said that Henry's been hiding all of these years so that's why he's still alive. Pauly said that he wants to meet Henry face to face but the last time he showed up, Henry failed to show up. Pauly said he just wants to tell Henry face to face what he thinks about him. He's not looking to punch him in the face or anything like that.
Gary said that these days Henry isn't hiding. Years ago it was a hassle to get him on the phone, these days it's no problem just calling his number and asking for him. Howard said that Henry has to be high on something and Gary said he didn't sound like this yesterday. He was still moaning in pain so Fred was playing some moaning clips from this porn movie with an old lady moaning. Howard told Henry he sounded like a shark had attacked him or something.
Zolar called in and said he can't believe this guy is only 62, he looks 80. Zolar also claims that Henry was with him in a limo and pulled out a crack pipe and started to smoke crack in the car. Henry said that was years ago and he doesn't do that anymore. Zolar said he could have put an ice pick in the back of his neck at the time but no one was willing to pay him half a million to do that. Zolar said he couldn't wait to get out of the car with the guy when he was with him. Henry was telling Howard he was going to call him back in a couple of days after the pain goes away. Robin wondered if he was alone today. Henry said he's with Marie. Howard wondered who Maria is so Gary told a story about how he found out that Marie is his god daughter but he's only known her for about 3 weeks. Henry put Marie on the phone and she told Howard about the pain he's in and how she thinks he may be having some stomach problems like maybe a gall bladder problem. No one ever sounds like that after swimming. Howard told her she should get out of there and for her to tell Henry to feel better. Howard let her go after she got in another plug for SundayGravy.net.
Howard said he's dating someone who is 19 years younger than he is. He told some stories about how some guys see Beth with him and think it's one of his daughters. Someone came up to her the other day and said something about how she's grown up thinking that she was his daughter. Mike said that his girlfriend wanted him to go to a college formal with her but he didn't want to go because it would be so awkward. He said he used to go meet her at her dorm and even that was kind of awkward for him. Howard asked him if he's going to marry her because she is a bit young. Mike said he doesn't think she's interested in getting married at this point. Howard told him to enjoy the next five years or so while she still just wants to have sex.
Debra told Howard that if you look at Jackson as someone who never had a childhood and wants to recreate that, then you might understand him better. Howard aid he doesn't think that's right and Jackson shouldn't be sleeping with young boys no matter what kind of person he is. Dominic Barbara called in and tried to help out but his cell phone connection was awful so what he was saying wasn't coming through. The phone cut off completely before he could get his thoughts out. He called back a few minutes later and reminded Howard about what Jack Gordon and Latoya Jackson used to tell them when they were on the show. Debra said that Jack Gordon did some damage to Latoya and she thinks that Jack put her up to all of that stuff back then. Howard told Debra that Latoya would come on the show and tell him that she needed to get away from her family, not Jack Gordon. Howard would offer to help get her away from her family but she would tell him that she could leave at any time.
Howard asked Debra what she was wearing but she wasn't going there with him. When he found out she's in her 40's he said ''sorry'' and dropped it. He got back to Michael Jackson and said that he would suggest that Michael lay low and stay out of the spotlight for a while. He also suggested that he shoot a home sex tape and release it so people will forget about the kid thing. Howard let Debra go after that.
A little kid called in and said that he's been a fan of Michael's for a long time and asked Howard why he can't go to Neverland ranch. He said he's 9 years old and doesn't understand what the problem is. Howard asked the kid if he's offering himself up for Jackson. The kid said he doesn't think that Jackson doesn't do anything wrong and he'd like to go there. Howard said it's too bad Debra wasn't on the phone because he could have asked her to hook the kid up. The 9 year old asked Howard what ''Jesus Juice'' is because he had heard about it. Howard told him it's wine so the kid said he might try it but wouldn't drink much. Howard had Debra back on the phone and had the kid ask her if he could stay there. Debra asked him if he wanted to sleep in the bed. The kid said he wants to go on the rides but he wouldn't mind sleeping in the bed. He doesn't think that it would be a problem going there because he thinks Jackson is okay. The kid, John, was saying that he wouldn't let anything happen with Michael if he did try to do something. Debra told John that he should use his own mind when it comes to this stuff. She thought that Howard was using the kid but Howard told her that he called in himself. John said he was willing to do whatever it takes to get to Neverland and that means he'd be willing to sleep in his bed if he had to. Howard let both of them go a short time later. Howard suggested to John that he stay away from Jackson until he's at least 20. That way he'll realize why they want him to stay away.
Howard said that they have a new feature over at his web site where they have a ''companion guide'' to some of the stuff they do on the show. They were recently talking about ventriloquists and they had a link to a web site of a guy who does a weird thing where he talks about life beginning but he does it in his ventriloquist voice. Howard had some audio from that and played it to show how creepy it was. That goes on for about 3 minutes according to Gary. Then the guy goes into a talk about how his mother killed him and sings a song asking his mommy why she killed him in an abortion. Howard said it was really creepy. The guys goofed on that for a minute and then went to commercial break.
Howard wanted to understand why Corey would have another man in the bedroom with him but he said that wasn't the case. Corey said that he and Susie did some crazy things before they were married but he didn't admit that they had other men in the bedroom. Howard wanted to know why Corey didn't get jealous when that was going on. Corey said that if you can express your feelings with your partner, then you can have a more open relationship. Howard was trying to get more out of them about having other sexual partners. They were on to Howard about that and weren't admitting to anything. Susie was telling Howard that she thinks that everyone needs more than one sexual partner by human nature. They spent a few minutes on that subject and Corey tried to change it over to Howard's girlfriend. Howard told him to come up with another subject that was more interesting that what they were talking about. Corey was asking Howard about whether or not Beth gets jealous when he goes to Scores. Howard said she does and he would get jealous if she had another man in the bed with her.
Howard took a call from Phil the Fag (Zolar) who said that Corey was messing around with him one time. That didn't go over that well so Howard got right back to Corey and asked him about the Michael Jackson case. Corey changed his views on Michael after he became a father. Corey talked a little bit about that stuff but didn't get into too many details. Howard got back to the apology that he was supposed to make to Corey but he still didn't know what he'd done wrong. He gave Corey a few plugs for the stuff he had to plug. He mentioned the Fatal Attraction play and a movie he has coming out this fall. He's also doing a voice for a cartoon called ''Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!'' He said that they have Mark Hamil doing voices for the cartoon as well and they have some products coming out later this year.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who wanted to ask Corey if Michael Jackson ever touched his pee-pee. Corey threw in a plug for the play again and didn't answer the question. Howard spent a few more minutes trying to get more information out of him but he didn't have much luck. Captain Janks called in and asked Corey if he's afraid of the wave... The wave that's coming up behind him because he's all washed up. Corey didn't seem to find it all that funny but did like how a guy who calls himself ''captain'' had a water joke. Howard wrapped up the interview a little later. Corey asked Howard about his upcoming move to satellite and about his TV show. Howard said that he should have more info about the TV show in about 2 or 3 weeks. The satellite move comes on January 1st, 2006 and he believes he'll be on the air right through the end of his contract. Howard gave Corey a few more plugs for the play and his other stuff and then went to break.
Ant came in saying that he doesn't know why the Yankees won't let people sing that ''Why Are You Gay'' song at the stadium. He said he's gay himself and has performed that song himself at games. Howard asked Ant about this ''Celebrity Fit Club 2'' that he recently shot. Ant said that they have Gary Busey, Jackee, Willie Ames, Victoria Jackson and others on the show. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the show. Ant changed subjects and said that he can't believe that Corey Feldman has had other men in his bed. Howard said that Corey has had plenty of hot chicks in his life so maybe they should drop it. Ant said that Corey's wife is very pretty and he had asked her if they were still having sex after the baby. She apparently told him that they have more sex after having the baby. He thinks she's lying about that.
Ant said that they had an O.D. on ''Celebrity Fit Club 2'' during the first week of the shoot. He didn't want to say who it was though. Ant spent a couple of minutes talking about how crazy Gary Busey is on the show. Howard asked him if he's still going on chat rooms to pick up guys these days. Ant said he's been hiring hookers instead because it's quicker. Ant has picked up some people in chat rooms and he will be seeing this one guy again sometime. Ant was also telling the guys that he's not a catcher in the gay game, he's only a pitcher. He said he's never received and only took a finger once. He's not into that stuff. Fred said that it seems like no gay guy is ever the catcher, they always claim to be pitchers.
Ant told Howard that he was sitting next to Rebecca Romijn on his flight last night and shared a couple of words. He said he's not sure if she knew who he was. He got a DVD player to watch a movie. While he was watching the movie he saw her making hand gestures while reading a magazine. He looked over and saw that she was circling her own pictures in the magazines she was looking at. He said she also took her shoes off at one point and her name was written on her socks in Sharpie ink. He thought that was kind of odd. Howard talked about how much he hates when people take their shoes off on airplanes. Ant said he does that all the time but he leaves his socks on so he can go to the bathroom to tinkle once in a while. Howard told Ant that he had to take a break
Howard had to move on to the news so he gave Ant a plug for his web site AntComic.com and had Robin start the news.
During the news Robin read a story about the two shark attacks that have taken place in the past few days. That led to Howard talking about how he could never save anyone from a shark attack. He said that even if his girlfriend was dying in a shark attack, he wouldn't be able to save her and he'd probably bring a Scores dancer to her funeral. They wrapped up the news a short time later and ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said it felt like they'd just ended the last show and they were starting the next already. He wants to start ending the show at 10 o'clock so the days don't run together so much. Artie told Howard that he was walking down the street yesterday and comedian Ant caught up to him and walked with him for about 10 blocks yesterday. He said the guy is a really nice guy and was carrying his cell phone around with him an doing some work while he was walking with him. Howard was talking about his Treo 650 cell phone and mentioned that someone suggested that if you leave your car in a parking garage, take a picture of it so you don't forget where it is. Robin suggested that maybe he could just look up at the number and letter of the spot you park in. Howard said he sometimes forgets where he parks and taking a picture would be a good idea. Robin laughed and said he just wants to have a reason to use his camera. He bragged that his phone works almost everywhere when Beth's doesn't.
Howard went to dinner with his daughter Debra and had a nice time. He talked about how hot it was yesterday and how he waits all year for that weather to come around. Robin complained about how humid it was and how bad the city smells when it gets like that. Artie said it's really bad with all of the garbage out on the streets. Howard changed subjects and talked about how there are new rules on the subways that stop people from changing cars while they're moving. He said a lot of people move cars because a homeless person might crap or pee in the car and they want to get away from them. Howard said it's like being trapped like a sardine when they do that.
The woman told Howard about the station up there that carries his show and how cool they are. Howard said hello to The Bone up in Portland after she gave them a mention. She told Howard that they're going to be in trouble when Howard moves to the new place. Howard said the latest rumor is that his company is going to dump him before the fall ratings book starts this year. He said that makes sense to him because if they're there for the ratings period in the fall, then the station can't sell advertising for the future. Fred thinks they'd be giving up on a lot of revenue if they did that. Howard talked about how great it would be if most of his audience followed him over to the new place but he doesn't think that will happen. He said he doesn't think they'll be off the air this fall either. Howard is wondering what the first day is going to be like over there. The woman on the phone asked Howard if he thinks that the creativity on the show will change when he's so free to say anything he wants. Howard compared his move to what Chris Rock does on TV. He said Rock is much funnier on an HBO special than he is when he can't curse. He's hoping that it will be the same for him. Robin said the big thing will be the fact that they can get descriptive when they're talking about things on the show. These days they can't describe some things on the show about the human bodily functions without getting censored. Howard said the show will get back to where it used to be when he makes the move. Howard said he won't be gross just for the sake of being gross, he'll just be able to speak freely.
Howard asked the woman on the phone what she was wearing. That led to them talking about how she's divorced and hasn't had sex in about 5 years. Howard said he was getting a vibe off of her and guessed that it had been about 5 years and he guessed right. She said she's not lonely though. She said she is on some anti-depressants though. Robin wondered why she was on them. She said she's apparently been depressed for most of her life but didn't realize it until her shrink told her she was. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard mentioned that Tom Chiusano's birthday is today. He's 58 years old. Tom came in and told Howard he was right about his age. Artie said that he looks like he's about as old as Tom and he's only 37. The guys spent a few minutes talking to Tom about his life. That led to the guys talking about Bob Geldof and how old he's looking these days. Howard said the guy can't be that old and thinks that he's in his 40s. Artie said the guy has to be at least 50. Howard said if he ever goes gray, he'll color his hair. Tom said that he'd do the same if he wasn't already gray. Howard told him to go ahead and do it but Tom thinks that everyone knows what he looks like already and doesn't want to do that. Howard went to break a short tim later.
Howard said that their final new E! show will air next Friday and the last show will be taped this Friday. He got in a plug for the Jessica Jaymes and Captain Sack show that's airing tonight on E!.
Mark McGrath from the band Sugar Ray came in to promote their new album ''Greatest Hits'' which has a cover of Howard's childhood song ''Psychedelic Bee.'' Mark came in and said it's kind of sad that the E! crew are leaving after an 11 year run. Howard said they may have another opportunity to do a TV show though. Mark is also working on ''Extra'' as a reporter. Mark said people are always mistaking the show for other shows though. Howard pointed out that Mark got caps on his teeth and didn't think he needed them. Mark said he really did need them because he had some janky wooden looking teeth. Howard said he remembers Mark doing shows and getting really drunk before doing them. Mark said he does some vodka and cranberry before he does shows sometimes. It loosens him up. Howard wondered why Mark puts himself down so much. Mark doesn't think he can sing but he's good. Howard mentioned that Craig, or DJ Homicide, was also there with Mark. He didn't know what to call him, Craig or DJ Homicide. Craig said that they could use Craig today. Howard got back to Mark and asked him why he's got the full time job now when they're as popular as they are. Mark said their last album didn't exactly light the world on fire so he needed something to pay the bills. They're still doing shows though. The other night they did a show where Bobby Badfingers opened their show.
Howard brought up the guy's new album and thanked them for putting their version of ''Psychedelic Bee'' on the album. He played the version they have on their album and played for him many years ago when they appeared on the show for the first time. Howard is going to be getting 8.5 cents per album they sell since he wrote the song when he was in 6th grade. Mark was telling Howard that he didn't think the album would sell that well since it's kind of a wrap up of the first part of their career. He said that the amount of money he'll actually make won't be all that much but if they sell a million copies, Howard will make about a hundred grand. Howard played some tracks off their album so he can help out with sales. Howard played some tracks to remind people about what these guys have done over the years. Howard asked Mark how he got that gig on TV. Mark said he's not even sure how he got it. He had to audition a couple of times and then the next thing he knew he was on a tour bus one day and on TV the next. He told Howard about how one of the producers saw him on VH-1 doing some stuff and though the kind of sucked but he had some potential. Mark said some of the stuff he does on the show is kind of tough. Howard told him that the people who are really pissed at him are the ones who trained to do that for a living.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Mark about his work on Extra. Mark said he's doing okay working on the show and is making somewhere in the neighborhood of 200,000 to 500,000 a year. He said he's very lucky to have that opportunity. It's like a regular job for him and the band is now a weekend thing. Mark has his own office for the show and he has to commute to work now. Craig said they're happy for Mark and the rest of the guys have their own stuff going on as well. Mark said some of the guys in the band have kids now and they want to see them grow up so it was a good time for them to take a break. Mark is also going to be in the TV show ''Charmed'' next season. Mark isn't even sure what part he'll be playing in the show. Howard said that Mark was on American Idol last season and Mark said he had a good time doing that.
Howard cracked a joke about having seen Craig on COPS. Craig told Howard that he's actually been taking care of his mother who had a stroke. He's got a recording studio at his house so he's been renting that out to people lately.
Mark thanked Howard for having them on the show years ago because they weren't going anywhere at the time. He said they got the offer to make Howard's song and after Howard played it and had them on the show, they got the chance to make their second album. Mark seems to think that it's all thanks to Howard.
Howard asked Mark about his love life and found out he's been on and off with a girl for about 11 years now. Mark said that she actually moved out on him about 2 years ago. He said he did cheat on her so that's one reason she left. He said he doesn't cheat now and he's working on making himself a better man. Mark asked Howard if he really liked their remake of his song. Howard said he likes it and would like them to try and remake ''Silver Nickles and Golden Dimes.'' He played some of that song that he wrote when he was a little kid. Howard explained the lyrics to Mark and said it was too heavy for Mark to understand.
Howard asked Mark if it was true he cheated on his girl with Paris Hilton. Mark said that Paris is cool but he didn't do that. Howard asked Mark about the upcoming ''Charmed'' job and if he's planning on doing the chicks on the show. Mark said he'll take whatever is available. Howard spent a little more time talking about the album ''Greatest Hits'' and gave them another plug before going to break. It's also available at Rhino.com
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that she saw Sugar Ray in concert a few years ago and thought they were great people and she's going to go out and buy their album today. She liked the cover of ''Psychedelic Bee.'' Another caller said he had a joke for Howard and the guys. He asked ''What do you call 100 blacks in the ocean?'' and gave the punch line of ''Polution.'' He said there was more to the joke and asked ''What do you call a million blacks in the ocean?'' and the answer to that was ''Solution.'' No one seemed to find the joke very funny.
Howard played a voice mail message that Richard Christy's father left for him on his voice mail recently where he was telling him about the cheese cake they got from him. His father didn't even know what the cake was called though.
Howard said that 50 Cent asked him to come down to the set of a movie he's shooting but he's not sure he wants to go there because he'd be afraid of getting shot by gang members because 50 was shot 9 times. Howard read the note he got from 50's people who said it wouldn't be a publicity thing. Howard said he really doesn't want to be caught in the cross fire and he was being serious.
Howard read a note from his friend Esthero who has a new album out. She said that if he buys 20 copies of her album, she'll show him her breasts. If he buys 100 copies, she'll let a midget touch them. He mentioned that KC Armstrong has a new DVD coming out soon and he's going to have him call in to talk about that and about where he's been for the past few months. Robin said she has no idea what to say about that when she's asked about it. He also mentioned that they have a show ''Companion Guide'' on his web site and he likes that better than the show description.
Gary mentioned that Stuttering John will be at the wedding because his wife is in the wedding party. Robin said it will be pretty interesting because John hasn't spoken to her since he left the show. Howard said he thinks that John resented Robin. Robin said she and John fought the day he left and she hasn't heard from him since. She said it will very interesting to see what happens when she sees him at the wedding. Ross called in a short time later and said that they could send the invitations back if they don't want to go. Howard told Ross he wants to go to the wedding but he thinks he's going to make a fool out of himself by making such a big deal out of it.
Howard told Ross that Gary was going to give him $500 and Ross said ''That's it?'' They also talked about how Ross is working over at SIRIUS now so they'll be having some fun with him over there. Gary said that they moved Ross' office near the new studio over there. Ross was on his way over there as he was talking to Howard. Howard asked Ross how old he is now and continued to go off on him about the whole big wedding. He also asked him if his fiancee has passed all of her ''jew tests.'' Ross said she did pass them and he didn't force her to convert. Robin wondered what that makes the children when the mother converts. No one seemed sure of that. The guys talked about Ross' bachelor party and they're going to be going out to Las Vegas for that. Howard won't be going because he doesn't want to spend a whole weekend out there. He asked Ross if he'll have any other celebrities at the wedding. Gary said that he'll have a producer by the name of Rick Yorn there. Howard said he's going to have a wedding band there instead of a DJ and he thinks that he should just have a DJ. Ross said it'll be fine and he'll like it. He knows he'll get the critique on the air the Monday after the wedding.
Gary told Howard that the Penthouse Pets that were there for the next segment were really hot. Artie brought up how Benjy was doing something to get attention this morning. He has a huge can of pineapple juice that he's been drinking and he had a huge can opener that he used to open the can. Benjy says he's drinking it because there's a lot of colds going around the office. Howard didn't want to spend too much time on that so he got back to the Penthouse girls and talked about them for a short time. Howard said they're doing a good job over there these days since the new owners took over. He said they were getting a little crazy with what they were doing over there.
Howard said that he made a mistake yesterday when he said that the Joker had killed Batman's parents in the comic books. He said he was corrected on that and also realized that he was wrong yesterday afternoon. He said it was actually Joe Chill who killed the parents. Howard read through some other e-mail he got about his views on killing all of the sharks in the ocean. There was some feedback about some of the other stuff they've done on the show. Yesterday Howard played a creepy abortion song that freaked some people out. There were also some complaints about Scott DePace's directing abilities. There was some feedback about the Jackson family lawyer who called in yesterday. There was some feedback about Artie not drinking and how it's great when he is drinking. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard checked out the breasts on one of the girls and Artie thought that they were perfect. The girls were telling Howard that they've all done each other so Howard was getting aroused thinking about that. The girls are staying at the same hotel and they said they like to hang out together. The girls said they like to flirt with guys when they're hanging out together but they end up going home alone. The girls were getting topless one by one and they were touching each other as they were doing that. They told Howard about hanging out last night at the hotel. Ginger said she wrote an erotic story and read it to the girls which got them horny so they started messing around with each other. She said she was having some fun with each of the other girls. She is the aggressor in all of that and she said that one thing leads to another and then tops will start coming off. Howard wanted to see how that happens so he had Ginger play with the girls in the studio. He had them kissing and talking about how crazy things get.
Howard moved on to the talent contest they were going to be competing in. Ginger was going to be first. He read her bio and talked about how she broke up with her 46 year old boyfriend recently. Ginger said she wants to go out and have some fun with the girls and stuff like that. She talked about how she would have threesome's with the guy sometimes. Howard said he can't believe the guy lost her. He said that Ginger was wearing a pink mini-skirt and wasn't wearing a top at this point. She was going to read her erotic story that she wrote about Howard and her. She read the story where she described a scene where she hooks up with Howard, rips his shirt off and ties it around his eyes. and then guides his hand over her leather covered chest. Howard unties her panties and takes them off. She spanks Howard and then climbs on top of him... and then a delay hit chops out the end of her story. There was applause from the guys in the studio after the read. Howard thought she should have done a dance while she was ther. Ginger said she wasn't sure what dance he wanted her to do but she danced for him anyway. Howard told her to stop because it was driving him crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who went off on Artie about complaining about his job. Artie told him to come down there so he could punch him in his ''jerk-off face.'' As the guy was getting off the phone he told Artie his DVD was good so Artie had to change his tune and thank the guy for that. Howard quickly got back to the girls and found out that they have natural breasts. He then got to the next girl Cassia Riley. He read her bio and found that she has a boyfriend and brings home other girls for him. The guy is in a band. Howard read that she dated Everlast at one point as well. She said he didn't appreciate her but he was a pretty nice guy. She didn't bring home girls for him though. Howard had her perform her talent next. She said she was going to explain why Penthouse Pets are better than beer. She tried to explain what she was going to do but it didn't make a lot of sense. Howard just had her go ahead and do her thing. She read her first note about why Penthouse Pets are better than Beer but told her to go make out with one of the other girls instead. She continued her read but it wasn't going over very well. Howard let her go ahead and read her next line but there wasn't much of a response from the crowd.
Howard moved on to Jamie Lynn next and read her bio. She wants to move into real estate when she's done with modeling. She said her career is going fine now but that's where she'd like to go eventually. She had a poem to read as her talent. The poem was about Howard of course. She was standing there topless but Howard wanted to see her panties. She showed him the panties and then continued her poem. Howard took a couple of phone calls after that and one guy didn't think it was that hot. Another guy said it was really hot and he was loving it. Howard said that the girls were standing there touching each other while they were topless in there. The caller said he can't wait to see this on E!. Howard said this should make it on E! before the show goes away.
Howard talked to Ashley about her boyfriend and how he doesn't like to be with her very much. She said she's lucky if she gets it from him once a week. Howard told her he'd take her in the bathroom and finish her off right then if she wanted. The boyfriend would rather play video games than have sex with her. One of the other girls said she dated a weirdo like that. Howard read a bit more of Ashley's bio and then had her perform her talent which was a bit of a comedy act. She was going to be topless during that. She did some blonde jokes as her comedy show. Ralph called in a short time later and said they were kind of boring unless they were making out. One of the girls got upset about that and thought Howard hated her. Howard offered to give her a hug so that's what he got. Howard had Ashley finish up her comedy show and said he would give the girls a group hug when she was done. Howard told Ashley he'd be laughing more if her skirt came off. She showed them her thong when she heard that. Artie had Ashley come over to him to get her hug after that.
Howard told the girls that they all looked good today and it was going to be tough to pick a winner. Richard Christy came in and said that Ginger has some wild hair going on down below in her layout and wondered if they could see it. Ginger said she's not quite as wild now and showed them what it looks like. Howard then got everyone's vote. Robin was up first. She said that she was going to give her vote to Jamie Lynn and her poem. Next up was Howard who said he didn't know who to pick. He said he was very attracted to Cassia and wanted to jump on top of her. He said he would pick Ginger to go into a room to finish off he had the chance. He had to give his vote to her because of that. Artie said that he was going to base his vote on what poem he could block out if he was watching a Yankee game. Cassia was that person. Fred said that they all sucked talent wise and had to pick Jamie because she had the biggest breasts. Gary still had to vote but it looked like Jamie was going to win. Gary said that they really did all suck and it was going to be tough to pick a winner. He said he'd have to go with the one he'd want to do the most. He picked Cassia. That meant there was a tie between Cassia and Jamie. Howard said they had to have a play off. Mike Gange came in and asked if they could have a jumping jack contest. Howard said that wouldn't be fair. Doug Goodstein came in and suggested seeing who could get the most hands on a breast. That wasn't fair either. Richard Christy suggested a lap dance contest and Gary suggested a pose down with both girls getting naked. Cassia and Jamie both got naked but Howard didn't know who to pick. Howard wanted to pick Ashley but she wasn't in the finals. He said he had to have sex with Jamie so he gave her his vote. Robin said that she had to pick the girl who had the body she would want and gave her vote to Cassia. Artie picked Cassia and Fred picked Jamie. Gary was the final vote and gave it to Cassia who was then crowned the winner. She won the $10,000 prize which was courtesy of the movie ''Fantastic Four.'' Howard thanked each of the girls and gave them a plug for PetOfTheYear.com and Penthouse.com. Zolar called in as Beth O and told him that she was going to let him bang one of the girls. Of course he broke into his deep voice and broke character as he does when he uses his female voice. Howard had to go to break right after that.
Howard said that Yucko has a new show on MTV2 called ''Stankervision.'' It's basically ''The Damn Show'' but MTV wanted to change the name for some reason. Yucko said he doesn't care because he's got his own show now and couldn't care less what they call it. Howard asked the guys what they thought of the new name because he liked ''The Damn Show.'' Artie gave ''Stankervision'' a 6 while Fred gave it a 7, Robin a 4 and Howard a 9. The new show starts airing next week, July 8th, on MTV2.
Howard talked to Yucko about the Penthouse Pets that were just there. He thought they talked a bit too much. Artie agreed. Yucko told Howard that Tom had bleeped the word ''Nipples'' in one of his bits and this show isn't the same show it was 4 years ago. Howard said the erotic story got bleeped too and Gary had gone over the story to clean it up for the air. Yucko told Howard he's got to get out of there and get the monkey off his back... and he was talking about Robin. Tom came in a short time later so Yucko called him a douche bag. Tom said that they only hit the delay one time during that erotic story. He also went off on Yucko who was calling him names. Tom said that Yucko is actually one of his favorite guests and Yucko didn't seem to know what to say. Tom brought up Yucko's old act where he claimed to be a pedophile but Yucko said that was all made up. He yelled at Tom to get out of the studio a short time later. Yucko was goofing on Tom pretty relentlessly and didn't like that he was bringing up the pedophile stuff. Robin started her news a short time later.
Howard tried to do the Top 5 Songs during the news but number 4 and 5 were the same songs. It was apparently a screw up by Sal the Stockbroker. Sal tried to blame Scott the Engineer for the screw up but Scott told Howard it was Sal's fault. Howard also asked Scott about how he gave Mark McGrath one of his son's CDs when he was there earlier in the morning. Scott claims that Mark came into his studio and asked him for the CD so he gave it to him. Howard said when someone does that, he should tell the person that he's busy working and can't talk to them. He booted Scott out of the studio and got back to the news. They ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he heard that Sean Penn would be playing The Joker in the next Batman movie but they already used that character in a Batman movie with Jack Nicholson playing the part. Howard and the guys talked about how Jim Carrey played the part of The Riddler and how that didn't go over very well. Jim over did it with his portrayal of that character. They talked about some of the characters they used in the old Batman series as well. There were some famous people who played the evil villains on that series. Artie said that all of those guys were good on that show. The only one who was bad on the series was the guy who played Batman, Adam West.
Howard asked Artie where he was last night because he didn't show up for Fred's party. Artie said he was rewriting the movie he's working on and they have to find someone to replace someone who backed out of doing the movie. Fred's wife threw him a surprise party for his birthday. Fred said he can't wait until he has to pay for that. Howard said it is crazy how when you're married, everything you pay for is his. They had a band theresa that cost them even more. Fred said it was this guy Manny Manero who is supposed to be The Beatles of Brazil. Howard said he made Louis get up and dance while that guy was playing. Howard even got up and danced with his girlfriend a little bit. He says he can do Latin dancing. This was Fred's 50th birthday party and his wife started planning it about 2 months ago. He said she never contacted him directly but asked him to do a speech at the party. Howard was going to do it but he said he was going to do some research on it and have a whole multi media presentation. Fred's wife, Alison, told him it wasn't necessary. He said he thought he had gotten out of it until a few days ago when she asked him to say a few words, not do a whole presentation. He figured that Fred would have found it funny if he had done a whole presentation.
Howard said they had the party at The Water Club and people were thinking that Artie wasn't there because he can't drink. Artie said he has been told by his shrink that it might be too early to start going to parties but that's not why he wasn't there. Howard said he told Fred's wife that it was a work night and they all had to leave early. He wanted her to do it on a night when they could stay out late. She had a good point when she said that people like to go away on the weekends so it was best to do it during the week. Robin said she thought that Artie was on some kind of schedule and that's why he didn't show up. Howard said the party turned out to be very nice and he wasn't out too late. He was pounding back the drinks though. He said he had a really nice buzz going but didn't have to get completely s-faced like Artie does. Gary said he didn't have any drinks last night. He said he didn't ''need'' to have a drink like some people do. Howard said he had a couple of cocktails and a couple of glasses of wine.
Howard was told by Gary last night that Artie was out working on his movie and that's why he didn't show up. Artie said that his shrink told him that it was still a bit early to start partying so that did weigh on his head a little bit. He loves Fred and Alison and wanted to go. He thought about giving him a gift but wasn't sure what to give him. Artie admitted that it did have a lot to do with that whole thing that he didn't go to the party and scheduled the movie meeting instead. Howard got back to talking about his dancing last night. Robin said she missed it somehow but Gary saw him. Howard also talked about going to the bathroom where they had a bathroom attendant. He said he had to run out to his car to get five bucks because he didn't have any cash on him. The guy was a superfan of the show too.
Howard said Ronnie the Limo Driver had some stomach problems last night. He couldn't hold it in because he had to go so bad but the attendant was in there. Ronnie didn't want to go in front of the attendant but he really couldn't hold it in. Ronnie warned the attendant that it was going to be a mess and then spent 15 minutes in there unloading. Howard said that he ended up dancing with Ronnie a little later and held his hand. Ronnie said that if he had asked Howard to dance with him he would have made fun of him. Ronnie told Howard that he had his doody problem after they danced. He also told Howard about how sick he was when he went into the bathroom. The attendant had a radio in there with him so Ronnie told him to turn it up really loud. Fred recreated the moment playing some baseball music, fart sounds and some other things. Ronnie gave the attendant 5 bucks because he made such a mess. Ronnie said the guy was really nice and asked him how he was doing a couple of times.
Howard said that Ronnie's car ruined the whole surprise. Fred saw the car before he came in and knew what was going on. Ronnie said that wasn't his fault, he wasn't driving. He said he might have to go back to driving if they can't drive away and hide the car for a half hour until Fred shows up. Howard told Ronnie that it's his fault that the car is so big, not that it was parked where Fred could see it. Howard said that he and Robin were asked to speak at the party ahead of time but Tom Chiusano was asked at the party to say something. He didn't want to say anything since Howard and Robin were going to say something. Tom saw everyone else saying something so he got up and did one anyway. He was apparently using some lines that Mel Karmazin was feeding him. That led to Howard talking about how much Tom kisses Mel's ass even though he doesn't work for him anymore. Howard said Fred made a speech and said that he loves Howard more than his wife. Howard said he hates getting up to make speeches but Gary told him that it seemed very natural. Howard had a bunch of things written down but didn't use the notes when he made his speech. Howard talked about a speech Tom made at his son's wedding and how bad he thought that was. Howard told Tom he's going to miss him when he moves to satellite.
Tom told Howard that Beth looked very beautiful last night. Howard thought it would have been funny of Tom ignored Fred and just talked about Beth. She was supposed to wear a sun dress but she ended up wearing jeans. Tom said that she does jeans good. He had a view of her whenever she'd lean over and told Howard she had nice skin. The guys were wondering how Tom can talk about her like that and then not go home and masturbate. Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like he was the life of the party last night. Howard said Artie would usually be the life of the party. Artie felt bad that he missed the whole thing.
Scott DePace didn't show up to the party and it was all because of traffic. Scott said that it started pouring right before he was going to leave and then he turned on a traffic report and decided not to go. He also said that he wouldn't be able to drink because he's been on antibiotics for a few weeks now. Howard told him that was pretty rude because that party cost a lot of money. Scott said that Fred has been invited to some parties that he hasn't RSVP'd to. Howard said he heard that Scott has been telling people that he won't go to any party that he can't drink at. Gary said that he went up to the bar and saw a huge bottle of Jack Daniels and wondered if it was there just for him. Artie sounded like he was sorry he missed the party when he heard that.
A caller told Howard he was a homo because he was out drinking and dancing with Ronnie. Howard said he didn't get ''drunk'' though, he just had a nice buzz going. Howard changed subjects after the caller had mentioned his grilling and the guys thought he said something about gorillas. Howard mentioned that the new King Kong movie trailer is looking pretty lame. He and Fred both said that they don't think it's going to be good after seeing the trailer. Another caller asked Howard how Beth was looking last night. They spent a minute talking about her and about Tom's weird discussion a little earlier. The caller also asked what happened to KC. Howard said that KC is supposed to call in tomorrow to talk about what happened so he'd save that for tomorrow.
Tom Chiusano was back so Howard and Robin were talking to him about his anti-masturbation rule. Howard said he was sitting next to Tom's wife last night and she told him that she shops at the Salvation Army. He figured that Tom was just a cheap guy but she actually likes the clothes she finds for the prices she gets.
Bobo called in and asked if Sal was at the party. Howard said he wasn't invited. Bobo also asked if Jackie the Joke Man was there. Fred said he hasn't seen Jackie in a couple of years because he just kind of disappeared. Howard said he heard that a few guys who had girlfriends weren't allowed to bring them. Wayne Seagal wasn't allowed to bring his girlfriend. Fred said heard that when Wayne found out he couldn't bring a date, he asked to be able to sit next to a hot chick. Ronnie said that Wayne sat next to Howard's assistant Laura. Gary said he heard that Wayne was talking to some of the guys about porn movies and wondered if they're in porn. Howard said that Wayne had some ideas a few years ago where he wanted to work with Amy Lynn from Penthouse magazine. Robin told the guys about how Wayne had some ideas to get rid of animal crap from zoos. Howard said it is possible that he wants to get into the porn business but he thinks he should just stick to selling cars.
Howard talked about watching ''Dancing with the Stars'' last night and Joey McIntyre got voted off the show. Howard is still liking Kelly Monaco but he thinks she won't win because people seem to like the other couple. Artie talked about how tough it was for him to stay home last night. He said he's put himself in a position that doesn't allow him to go and it sounds like it's bumming him out. He's upset that he can't go to a party with his friends. Fred said he thinks his wife may have requested the Jack Daniels just for Artie but she put that request in about 2 months ago, before Artie started therapy. Artie said he's kind of bummed that he can't be around friends because they drink. Howard said it'll come in handy when there are things he doesn't want to go to because he'll be able to get out of them.
Howard had some new Orson Wells tapes where he was going off on a producer about starting off a sentence with ''In July.'' He was also complaining about their direction and how they wanted the commercial delivered. Howard played the old clip that they've played on the air before where Orson goes off on an engineer who asked him to read something for a second time after hearing a ''gonk'' during the take.
Howard said they have a picture of the girls in the Hard Ass contest up on his web site. He thinks that Leah is in the lead at this point for taking the contest.
Howard said that Janice is on the new season of ''The Surreal Life'' and he's seen the first two episodes and she comes off as being kind of crazy. He talked about how she was thrown off of ''America's Next Top Model'' and asked her why she was no longer there. Janice claims that they were taking a new direction and she may have asked for more money. Howard figured they were sick and tired of her but she kept saying that they were just taking a new direction. Janice said she's not hard to work with but Howard thought she was. Howard read that Janice once said that all of the models on the show who have won would never make it as real models. Janice said that the job is tough on that show because you have to look at these young girls and tell them they're too short, too fat or something like that. Howard brought up Adrienne Curry who was on the last season of ''The Surreal Life'' and said that she could never be a model. Janice said she can't be one now because she did ''The Surreal Life'' and sold out.
Howard asked Janice about going out with Jon Lovitz and tried to find out if she slept with him. She said she never did so Howard asked her if she gave him oral. Janice wouldn't say she slept with him. She was holding back and Howard wondered why she was doing that after writing two books where she talked about all of her conquests. Gary came in and said he didn't know what was going on because she was so honest back when she was promoting her book. Gary asked her if she ever dated Rick James like he'd heard. Janice said she didn't date him. Howard asked her about a story he read about Janice running into Madonna and how she used to smell of body odor when she was out dancing at clubs in the mid 80s. Howard brought up some other stuff but Janice didn't want to go there because she thinks the PTA is listening to the show today. Howard wanted her to tell just one sex story. He brought up Kelly Lebrock and asked her about sleeping with Kelly. Janice said that Howard was killing all of her deals by bringing this stuff up. Janice told Howard to get the book and read it himself. Howard wanted her to turn him on but she was't going to do it. Howard asked her how she met Kelly but Janice wouldn't even answer that. She said she wasn't prepared to talk about that stuff.
Howard said the new Janice Dickinson seems to be a virgin. He took a call from a guy who said that Tom Chiusano doesn't answer any questions. Another guy suggested that they get her off the air already. Another guy said that Janice is the Milton Bearle of super models and now she's just a grumpy old hag. Gary asked her what happened to the Janice that was there last time. Irish John called in and said that she sucks and to throw her off the air. Howard took another call from a guy who said this interview was horrible and didn't want her on anymore. Janice said she was just there to say hello to Howard. Then she broke down and said that they all suck and she was going to be walking away bummed out. Howard said he thought she was open for discussion but today she wasn't talking about anything. Janice sounded like she was about to cry but she said she wasn't. Howard asked Janice when she last got laid. She said it was this morning but then she said she had done herself. The PTA won't like her talking about that either.
Janice was saying that Howard was the one digging up this stuff about the people she slept with but Howard said that she's written three books about that stuff and he's not digging up anything. Janice seemed very upset and was about to walk out. Howard told her to sit down and stay but she wasn't going to stay if he wasn't going to be nice. Howard asked her about doing ''The Surreal Life'' because she seemed to have a meltdown on there as well. Janice said she wasn't having a meltdown but the interview wasn't that easy. Howard kept bringing up stories about the people she's slept with and she would complain about it. Artie warned her not to tune in tomorrow when Howard reads the email about her appearance.
Howard read that Janice is dating someone from ''The Surreal Life'' but she's not allowed to talk about it. The guy asked her not to talk about it so she's keeping her mouth shut. Howard said on the second episode of ''The Surreal Life'' Janice throws herself at a guy on the show and she was showing her ass to Jose Canseco. Janice said that's not true and she wasn't hitting on anyone. She denied doing a bunch of things that Howard claimed to have seen on the show. He told her that she might want to watch it to see what she does. Howard mentioned that Bronson Pinchot tried to grab her in one episode and she said that was true. Howard thought she was throwing herself at Jose Canseco but she said that wasn't the case. Howard heard that Janice forced the producers of the show to have two make-up people there for her on the show. The show is starting on July 10th. Howard gave her a plug for that and for her book ''Check Please'' which will be coming out soon. She's also appearing in ''Janice Stripped'' which is a live show she'll be doing.
Ralph called in and said he was surprised that Janice was getting upset about people being honest with her on the show when that's what she was doing on ''America's Next Top Model.'' Ralph said that Howard expected her to be interesting today and she was being a bore so that's why people were upset with her. Ralph said that it's kind of like Artie not drinking anymore and Artie said that it would be like Ralph not being a dick anymore. Another caller told Janice to stop with the Botox. Janice said she can't stop with that and she's also had a face lift. She said that Howard will eventually have to get a face lift too. The woman on the phone said that she should stop with the surgery because she looks kind of disturbing. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she can't believe her today either. She said it's like she's lost her balls and asked her what happened to her. Howard said someone had to have talked to her and told her not to talk about all of this stuff. He wrapped up after that and gave her some plugs for ''The Surreal Life.'' Ralph said he won't be watching the show. Howard wrapped up after that and told Janice she's looking great. Howard tried to ask her a couple more questions about what kind of money she made as a model and she got upset with him about that. Robin said that it appears that Howard and Janice don't have any chemistry together. Howard went to break a short time after that.
Howard said that there are some movie theaters out there offering to give people their money back if they don't like ''Cinderella Man.'' Artie said he may go and take advantage of that if he doesn't like it. Howard thinks that it's actually an interesting marketing ploy. The movie hasn't done very well and they're losing a lot of money on it.
Howard read a story in the news about how Rupert Murdoch and Robert Craft went over to Russia for some reason and Robert showed Vladimir Putin his Super Bowl ring. Putin took the ring, put it in his pocket and walked away. He apparently thought that Craft was giving him the ring but that wasn't the case. Howard said that Putin won't be keeping the ring for himself, he'll be putting it on display in some junky display case. The ring doesn't mean anything over there but it's a big deal here in the States. Gary said that the NY Post says that Craft is claiming that he gave up the ring on purpose.
Ralph called in and asked if Janice Dickinson is really a super model because there are others who came before her. Fred said that is true and Janice would be considered a ''second tier'' super model. He said she's in Rachel Hunter territory. Fred was also saying that she's in Carol Alt territory and wasn't really a super model. Ralph said she's more like a hot chick who did some modeling.
Howard took a call from a woman who could barely speak and said that they may have found a date for Eric the Midget. He asked her a couple of questions and found out she's 38 years old. She sounded much older. She also told Howard that she had cancer of the throat. She took some tapes