|Friday||This Week On E!|
Howard said he's still restless at night and was up early, at around 3am, because he's got so much going on in his life with the new job and stuff like that. He said he pictured his life getting more mellow when he moved to satellite but now it's more hectic than ever. He had a 2 hour meeting on Saturday that he talked about for a few seconds. He also mentioned that Wendy the Retard will be doing her 24 hour day over at SIRIUS on Thursday so Tim Sabean is working on that whole deal. They plan on just sticking her in a studio and let everyone listen in on whatever it is she does when she's all alone. Howard said he has to start filling up his stations over there because he hates tuning past them on his radio and hearing nothing. He called Gary in to get Beth's cell phone number and told him to get Beth and Double A on the phone because he had an idea. He said he was going to make Double A's dreams come true... but not all of his dreams.
Howard mentioned that the band Weezer would be coming in today and he learned that from his daughter who is a big fan of the band. She told him that she was on their web site and saw that they were scheduled. Howard didn't know that. He played some of their song ''Beverly Hills'' and said that someone had suggested they let his daughter come in to meet them but his ex-wife decided that wouldn't be a good idea since she's got school.
Double A was on the phone so Howard told him that he wants to give Double A a shot at his own show, probably next Monday, where his first guest would be Beth O. Double A sounded ecstatic and said it was his dream come true. Howard told him he wants to make a program guide for his Channel 100 where they have Double A in a smoking jacket with a promotion of the guest he has coming up. He thought it would be really cool to have a big poster or billboard with him on it hanging in Times Square. Gary said he couldn't get Beth on the phone because she was really busy at a job she's working today. Howard told Double A that he has to get a whole package together for Tim Sabean but it'll be his own show. He'll have to follow whatever format Tim tells him to though. Howard said they got a tape from Angry Black who wants to do a show. He was saying that Angry Black did a whole rap about the people down in New Orleans stealing TV sets and how that's just wrong. He was doing some other stuff like that but did make a mistake by talking about what his show was going to be about instead of just doing the show. The CD he sent in was from the Connecticut School of Broadcasting and overall it was pretty good stuff.
Howard told Double A that he has to talk to Beth about him doing the show next week. Double A will probably have about 30-45 minutes worth of a show for that. Double A said that he wants to have Beth acting out a scene with him. Gary told Howard that he saw Double A in action on Saturday night and he's got no problem with women because he doesn't seem to be afraid of them. Howard told Robin that this show he's giving Double A is probably going to be a train wreck and a horrible nightmare... and he can't wait to hear it.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard how he could give Angry Black his own show over at SIRIUS. He thinks that he's a corn ball and will fade out. King thinks that he won't fade out like Angry Black would and he's got more of a show than Angry would. Howard told King that he'll give him a chance too but Artie told him that they can only have one black show on Howard's station at a time. King said he saw Angry Black out at a ''laundry mat'' the other day and he couldn't believe that the guy talks smack to him while he's taking his laundry out to a ''laundry mat'' and King's washer and dryer are upstairs in his house. Howard is now thinking about putting the two of them together in a studio and letting them go at it.
Howard was playing around with a schedule for the new channels and wanted to give Double A his show on Monday and then follow that up with King of All Blacks and Angry Black sometime later in the week. He plans on auditioning them with half hour shows. Howard wondered if Angry Black would get a word in with King of All Blacks in the same studio. King said that he would let Angry talk.
Tom Chiusano came in and asked Howard why he's spending a half hour talking about the programming over there. Howard told Tom that this is what he's doing in his life so he should deal with it. He said that this isn't going to effect Infinity at all so it's not a big deal. He then told Robin that he heard that David Lee Roth has been practicing his show up at some Jack FM station and he may have tapes later this week to play on the air. Then he told Tom that there's something going on out there with the advertising for satellite but CBS is refusing to run ads with Howard's name in it. He said that they have notes from people in the company saying that and the mere mention of his name is like an obscenity to them now. He said the company won't allow his name on their airwaves ever again because they're going to look like it as an obscenity. Tom said that's really weird sounding to him. Howard said he's going to call Les (Moonves) about it to see if he knows what's going on. This is apparently coming from the Standards Department at CBS and they're the ones saying that Howard's name is going to be looked at like an obscenity.
Howard told Tom that he is sad to be leaving the company and can't believe that all of this is going on. Tom said that he's not happy about it either. He's really sad and there's only about 6 weeks left until he's gone. Howard said things are really weird there at Infinity because they won't admit that David Lee Roth and Adam Carolla are two people who will be replacing him. He said that Adam wasn't allowed to say that he's going to be replacing him when he was on Letterman's show last week. Howard said he's going to blow up the airwaves over there at SIRIUS and started yelling about the nonsense that's going on at CBS. He asked them to throw him off the god damn air already if they want to look at him as an obscenity. He said he's going to have a very small audience when he moves to satellite and he doesn't think Infinity is going to effected all that much.
Howard asked Tom if he thinks that talking about Double A's half hour show is going to take away from their audience that much. Tom said that's not how he feels at all. Howard also pointed out that he talks about watching ''Smallville'' all the time and they don't complain about him doing that. He told Tom that he's got to get Beth on the phone to talk about the Double A thing at least. Tom agreed to that but the rest of the satellite talk seemed to be too much. Howard is thinking about putting Angry Black and King of All Blacks on the same show. He decided to have them do two 15 minute shows. King said that he's going to have an advice show where he'll have a side kick he's already talked to. Artie jokingly told Howard that he doesn't think that they should have blacks on his channel at all.
Howard said that he's in the process of creating a 24 hour universe about him over there at satellite. He's been clunked on the head by the hand of God that told him what to do. King of All Blacks was talking more about Angry Black and how he can't compare to him with his car and other material things. Howard let him go after that. He took more phone calls after that and people were telling him that they're looking forward to these shows that he's putting on his channels. One guy pointed out that after WNBC fired Howard, they went out of business. Howard said they actually sold the station for about half of what it was worth and then went out of business not long after that. He took a few more phone calls and then went to commercial break.
Howard talked more about CBS and how they're saying that his name is like an obscenity on their air now. Robin said that Howard started to say something to Tom about them throwing him a party but he's pretty sure they'll never do that for him. He didn't want to sound like a douche and ask for a party if they're not going to do it for him. He doesn't want to get all emotional talking about working there for the past 20 years either.
The guys were talking about how things would be different if Howard was retiring from radio all together. That led to them talking about other people who have retired and how they sometimes try to go back to doing what they did and end up failing. They mentioned Janice Dickinson as one of those people and then spent a few minutes talking about hockey player Brett Hull. Howard had some audio clips of Brett crying at a press conference. The guys wondered if Howard could cry if he was going to be retiring. Howard doesn't think that he could bring himself to tears. Gary told Howard he had another clip of someone crying and that was Bill Romanowski who was on 60 Minutes last night. Howard played that clip and said that he feels bad for the guys who end up sitting on the bench for years and end up retiring without ever getting any recognition. Artie said he doesn't want to hear from Bill Romanowski because he lost so much money on games he bet on. Gary said he has tape of Romanowski talking about breaking guys faces and bragging about it. Howard played one of those clips and Romanowski seemed pretty happy about that. He also bragged about breaking the finger of another player as he was trying to get a ball out of the hands of a guy who was at the bottom of a pile up. He was one angry guy.
Howard said there was a hot chick back stage there at the show and she asked to spit on his face. Sal agreed to do it but Rev. Bob Levy pulled her away and spit on Sal's face himself. Then Sal and the guys had Gary the Retard spit in the salsa they had back stage because people were coming in and stealing it. Bob spit in Sal's face and then went over to the salsa and started eating it. That's when Sal broke the news to him that they had Gary spit in it earlier. Sal also spit in Richard's face and Richard almost took a swing at him because of it. Howard said that this was all just crazy and can't imagine why Sal is spitting on people and having people spit on him. Richard Christy said that he heard that Sal was trying to impress a woman on the plane by telling her about his comedy career. Sal denied most of what Richard was saying though. Howard had to cut them off so they could go to commercial break.
Howard read a note in the middle of that which said that their special guest that Gary has been promoting since last week, has over slept this morning and won't be in until tomorrow. Gary told Howard it will be worth it and not to worry about it. Robin wondered who this person is because they're so unreliable. Gary hasn't given them a clue as to who it is but he says it'll be worth the wait.
Howard got back to the CNBC report where some reporters were debating whether or not Howard will be able to bring in the audience to the service. Howard said it doesn't even matter if people listen to his show or not. As long as they're listening to the service they're paying for, that's what counts. He said he's got six weeks of actual shows left there and Tom shouldn't be so worried about what he's doing there during those final weeks.
Howard is also planning to hang a microphone at Ronnie the Limo Driver's Scores birthday party that's coming up soon but he's not sure that his voice can be on the air over there. He's not even sure if Artie can appear on there at this point. He said he'd love to have a microphone in the dining room as they're having their meal but it's not clear if that's possible. Robin wondered what goes on in that dining room and if it would be that interesting. Gary said that it would be very interesting because that's where they tell the girls how important they are. Howard said the party is this weekend so he may have to put that on his SIRIUS channel. Gary said there's nothing different than JD talking to the girls about what he does. That led to Fred playing clips from the movie Napoleon Dynamite since JD sounds so much like him. JD is now drinking after the guys got him started. Before he did the show he wasn't a drinker, now he drinks when he goes to Scores. JD is one of the few guys who was actually invited to the party. Ronnie came in and said that Scott the Engineer doesn't want to come now because of the microphone thing. Fred was playing the audio clip of Danielle the Scores chick saying ''Vodka straight up! Thank you!'' a few times since the guys like her so much. Howard said that he may have to tape the Scores party stuff and edit out his voice so he doesn't get in trouble.
Sal and Richard have to work that night so they can't make it to the party. Gary has to work as well so he's going to try and fly back in from Chicago so he can get back for the party. Howard said he's going to have to come up with a list of people they can let on microphone for that show. He's planning that show, Wendy the Retard's show for Monday and Double A's show for the week after.
Bobo called in and told Howard how great this Double A thing is going to be next week. Howard said he's trying to play it down since Tom bummed him out so much about it earlier in the morning. Another caller told Howard how great the comedy show was that Sal and Richard did with Gary the Retard over the weekend. Even Gary the Retard spent some time on stage and was actually pretty funny. The caller also said that he thought that Gary was going to be there but it turns out that Craig Gass was doing his impression of Gary on a radio show promoting the comedy show and that was what was confusing people.
Sal told Howard that they give Gary the Retard some lines to say when he goes on stage. They will tell him to say ''hail Hitler'' and some other wacky things that would shock the audience and Bob Levy who has no idea what he's going to say. Sal was also saying that the fans out there must think that they're a bunch of racists because they come in and give them some nig*** jokes to use on stage. Sal said he doesn't know what to do so he just high fives the guys who give them the jokes. Sal said that he used to use the N-word in his act but doesn't do that now. Gary said that someone wrote in about the horrible jokes that Sal does on stage and he's been closing his act with a New Orleans joke that's pretty racist. Sal said that he's also got a Jew joke that offends some when he does it. Sal told his New Orleans joke but he said it's all visual. Richard said the look on Sal's face is funny when he's doing that joke.
Sal changed the subject and said that Richard is shooting a DVD of his comedy act but he claims he's doing it so he can study his act to see what he's doing right and wrong. Howard figures he's seen Artie selling his DVD and thinks he could sell it. Howard asked him to tell some of his jokes. Most of his act is too dirty to tell but he told Howard some of his airport jokes about the automatic toilet flushers and how you don't get to look at your creation. Richard was also talking about their flight out to St. Louis and how they had a female pilot that made him really nervous. There was also audio of the woman who was sitting next to Richard the whole flight who had a baby on her lap. The baby cried most of the flight so Richard recorded the crying. The kid was actually talking so Gary said that's the kind of kid you could hit and make shut up. Richard said he thinks that they should put all people with babies and kids in a sound proof room on the plane.
High Pitch was back on the phone so Gary talked more about the night he saw him. He said that he smelled so bad that his wife and friends wanted to move their table. Gary said the smell was described like he had washed his clothes and left them in the washing machine for a week. Eric said he never sees anyone moving out of his way when he goes out somewhere. Howard said he also has a theory about Eric's voice and how it's probably him doing his effeminate voice because he's gay. Eric swears that he's not gay but he has agreed to do some gay things in the past when he was asked to do them. The guys were trying to give Eric some advice about his wardrobe and how he should be wearing some baggy Hawaiian shirts and baggy pants. Eric thinks that his shirts fit him just fine though.
Eric asked Howard if he could give him and Mariann a show together on SIRIUS but Howard told him that Mariann has to go record a real show and not read Shakespeare like she did on her audition tape. Double A called in after that and said that Eric really does stink and he had to ride in the same car with him. Double A said that he's not sure what the smell is but it really is bad. Howard said that Eric has a general body odor about him and he's got horrible breath so that's where the stink must come from. He also thinks that his health is so bad that he'll probably be dead in a couple of years. Gary asked Eric if he washes his clothes every day. Eric swears he does and also swears that he brushes his teeth every night. Sal doesn't believe that and described his teeth as looking like rotten bananas and how he can hear the mayonnaise he ate 3 years ago in his throat. The guys had him saying certain lines so they could hear the phlegm in his throat. Eric was telling the guys that he has cut out the McDonalds food and has switched to Taco Bell and White Castle because the food is better. He said he gets fried clams at White Castle and Artie sounded shocked that anyone would eat something like that from White Castle.
Howard asked Eric how many times a day he moves his bowels. Eric said that he does that about 4 or 5 times a day and that they weigh a couple of pounds. That led to Howard asking him if he's free to do a show next week where they'd weigh his movements live on the air at SIRIUS. Howard said they're just going to keep feeding him and he doesn't have to say a word. He will be naked for 24 hours and will just keep eating and moving his bowels. Howard wanted to have everyone guess what the weights would be. Robin even came up with an idea of having Eric crap in one of those potty chairs that has the removable bucket. Sal wanted Eric to crap right on a deli scale with wax paper on it. Howard seemed to like that idea better and that's probably the direction they're going to go. Howard said that Eric is penciled in for next Thursday. The guys started guessing what the total weight for Eric's doody would be. Artie suggested an over/under of 7 pounds. Howard and Robin both said that they would pick the over on that. Sal was saying 11 pounds and Richard said 7.4 pounds total. The guys were coming up with all kinds of ideas for that day. Eric is going to come up with a list of the food he wants to eat that day. Artie said he's not sure he could be in the same building while something like that is going on.
Howard let Eric go after that and mentioned that they had Weezer coming in and Vinnie Favale was supposed to be singing along with them. Vinnie thinks that Weezer is the Beatles of this generation so it's going to be a big deal that they're on. Howard's daughter asked him to get her an autograph because she's such a big fan and she's never asked for anything like that before. Gary came in and quickly told Howard that the lead singer of the band got a book from Rick Ruben that led to him selling all of his possessions and taking a vow of celibacy. He's been celibate for 2 years and won't have sex until he gets married. Artie found it hard to believe a guy like that would be celibate. They had to take a break after that quick discussion.
Vinnie Favale showed up and started kissing the guy's asses as soon as he came in. Fred played some of Vinnie's song ''Restless, Restless'' and Artie jokingly said that just last week he told him that Nickleback was this generation's Beatles. Vinnie shot back at him by telling the band that Artie ''thinks'' that he's a comedian. Vinnie told Howard that he heard that Rivers went through a lot of women before the vow of celibacy and he actually wrote a song called ''Pardon Me'' on their latest album ''Make Believe'' which is basically him apologizing to all of the people he hurt. Vinnie also told Howard that Rivers will sit in a closet doing meditation for 12 hours at a time. Rivers said it's not a closet, but it is a small room similar to a closet. Vinnie was filling in the guys about what Rivers has gone through and how their second album was a flop. Rivers told Howard that one of their albums was so inspired by Howard back in the 1994-95 time frame that he included Howard's name in a piece of artwork that appears in the album ''Pinkerton.'' There's a picture of an island in there and Howard's name appears there. Howard asked him why he had to include his name there and not with the hit albums. The guys thought that was kind of brutal.
Howard had the guys go ahead an perform ''Beverly Hills'' from their album ''Make Believe'' since that's the reason they were there. Howard didn't want Vinnie to actually sing along with them because he'd probably ruin the song. The guys in the band went head and did it themselves instead. After the song Howard asked Rivers some more questions about how the band all got together and how they had a hit song and album when their first album came out. Then the second album tanked and Rivers lost his confidence. He said that their manager called after that and told them that they had more offers to do shows because they did have a large fan base. Rivers went back to Harvard and finished up school after the album tanked. Then they came back in 2000 and started playing in the Warped tour. Rivers said that they got their confidence back during those shows. He's also going to go back to Harvard to finish up 3 more classes in February and will be living in a dorm room. Gary said he should be able to get laid pretty easy there. Howard thought that would be pretty weird. He asked Rivers what the secret to life is and Rivers said he's no really sure but valuing your friends is a big part of it. He told Howard that they've put out 3 albums since they came back in 2001 and have sold maybe 10 million albums total but he doesn't think of himself as a big star or anything like that. Robin asked them if they look at other bands and think they'd like to be them. One of the guys said he'd like to be like a Red Hot Chili Peppers or U2 type of band.
Vinnie asked Rivers who gets top billing at the shows they're doing with the Foo Fighters. Rivers said that the Foo Fighters play after they do and have a bigger set up than they do. They're supposed to have equal billing but that's the way things go at the shows. Vinnie thinks that the Foos should be opening for Weezer because Weezer's albums are ''evergreen'' and they'll be hits forever. The guys in the band asked Howard if he had any requests for them. Howard asked them what songs they like to cover. They said that they like to cover Song 2 by Blur but Vinnie told them that was the wrong answer. Howard asked them to play ''Hash Pipe'' instead. They had to work out their setup for a minute and then went into the song.
Artie told the guys they sounded good after they were done. Howard asked them if they could have ever done the whole spandex thing like bands were doing years ago. They dress pretty conservatively now so they said they could never have done that. Artie asked them if they could cover a Rush song but Vinnie asked him if he was back on drugs after hearing that. Jason came in and suggested that they perform one of their older songs that he thought was about one of the guys being molested as a child. Rivers said that's not what the song was about, it was about growing up with two fathers. That led to Howard asking Rivers about growing up and finding out that he grew up in an Ashram. They talked about what that was like and Rivers said that it was actually a good thing for him. Howard wished the guys luck with everything and they said they're looking forward to Howard's move to the new place. Howard told them to come on over and perform when they move because they'll have a studio set up just for musicians. He also asked the guys to sign some stuff for his 12 year old daughter who is a huge fan of theirs. They said they'd sign anything he wanted them to. They went to break a short time later.
Howard read through some e-mail he's gotten lately. There was some feedback about Bubba the Love Sponge's appearance on the show last week. He said he got some positive and some negative but they'll wait to see how he does on satellite. Other people said they can't wait to hear Wendy the Retard on SIRIUS' Howard Stern 100 on Thursday. The writer loves Wendy doing her impressions of Bill Cosby and would love to hear more. Howard said the guys are working on getting her to do more impressions that they'll try and play a game with later this week. He played some of her Bill Cosby impressions and then had Robin start her news.
Howard mentioned that he's going to be going out on a SIRIUS publicity tour soon and he's not going to be happy for the next six weeks or so. He's pretty sure he'll be doing Letterman's show pretty soon and he's got an itinerary that's going to make him miserable for a while. He warned Robin and the guys about that since he's not going to be happy about it.
Sal came in with a picture of Eric bent over from the E! show and his ass looks like an elephant's. There was a guy who ate a marshmallow out of his ass and his head looked like a peanut next to Eric. He told Sal to make sure that picture gets up on his web site as soon as possible. Eric called in and asked Howard if he's going to take phone calls when he's doing all of this stuff. Howard told him that there won't be any contact, he's just going to eat and poop, that's it. Eric has been working on his list of the food he wants from White Castle. He has the fried clams and mozzarella sticks among other things. Eric said he'll have a full list by next Monday. He told Howard that he's ''the man'' and thanked him for making this happen. He's thrilled that he's going to be allowed to eat and crap on the air. Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said that he was talking to Gary before the show started and got started a little late. Gary said he was telling Howard about this psychic James Van Praagh who was on ''The Insider'' last night trying to find Johnny Carson's vibe out in the woods that they brought him to. Howard played some audio from the segment where Van Praagh says he runs into Carson's spirit. Howard and the guys goofed on the guy for a short time and talked about what a scam those guys are. Gary said that if one of these psychics would say something other than the dead person is okay, and tell us there's a million dollars hidden somewhere, we might believe that they're real. Howard did his Johnny Carson impression and pretended to be found by Van Praagh. In the audio clip Van Praagh was telling the host of the show about a spirit that he had run into who was related to her and needed to get a message to her father. Howard figured the guy just did some research before he did the show. He also has nothing to say other than the dead person is doing just fine. Howard said he loves the mythical world where everyone related to this woman are all in the same place following her around.
Gary said that they can pull up every article on this person in their Lexis/Nexis database and do exactly what Van Praagh is doing with that person. Howard said it's not even a good scam. Robin said that people buy it though and want to believe that their dead family members are following them around. Howard said that host is some reporter too... She fell for it and said that she's a believer.
Jackie was also talking about how Howard must have taken all of the money because the bouncer (Ronnie?) on the show is like 150 years old. Howard said that this is why he's better off without Jackie. Gary said that Jackie once used an analogy about money where he'd say that if Howard and Mel Karmazin had 100 marbles, they would keep them all for themselves instead of sharing a couple of them with others. Howard said that Jackie almost had him convinced that his ratings were going to drop after he left the show but he's seen the latest ratings and he's still number 1 in New York City.
Artie said that he remembers the day when Jackie had left the show and how a bunch of people he was working with were wondering how the show was going to change. Howard went on to talk about how Jackie used to tell him he could be out in Hollywood ''punching up scripts'' instead of doing this stuff. Sal came in and told Howard that Jackie was talking about the bouncer at SIRIUS being 150 years old, not Ronnie. Tom Chiusano came in and said that when he had conversations with Jackie he would never talk about the hours he was working, it was always about money and being able to do other jobs. If he was so tired of working those hours, he never relayed that to Tom. Howard got back to the audio of Jackie on Jim Breuer's show. He explained why he was doing a show up in Saratoga and was basically saying he doesn't need to work but he does the gigs as favors for friends.
The guys talked about how Jackie probably doesn't have to work because he made so much money while he was working there. Gary said he invested the money he was making there and did very well. Artie said that he's able to make a lot of money on the road doing stand-up so he knows that it's a good gig. He said that it's like ''printin' money'' doing those stand-up shows and his shows sell out because he's on Howard's show. Howard told Artie that he would sit down with Jackie and tell him that there's no job that would pay him what the radio show gig would. He tried to convince him to stay but Jackie would always want more. Artie said that being on the road really sucks but Jackie seemed to be happy doing that stuff. He was always good on stage according to Artie. Gary said that he's been working there a long time and would talk about wanting more money but he never looked at it the same way as Jackie would.
Howard said that Jackie used to want to benefit from the new markets that they would go into and Howard could never figure that out. Robin said that Jackie is one of those guys who jumped on the train and didn't start any of what Howard did so he didn't deserve it. Howard played more audio of Jackie talking about the jokes he used to pass to Howard on the show. He made it sound like he's the one who made Howard number one in the ratings even though Howard was already number one in the ratings. Jackie remembered the first joke he passed to Howard. Gary told Howard that Jackie would save every single note that he passed to him and would catalog them so he could track them down and tell someone exactly when he wrote it. Jackie also said that he realized that he and Howard ''shared a brain'' after he wrote that first joke and Howard read it so quickly. Howard said he and Jackie are actually talking about going out to dinner together soon. He wrote Jackie a note after he heard him on SIRIUS and they've been in touch since then.
Howard said that he hasn't been able to sleep lately so he's been trying to take Ambien to help him sleep but even that isn't helping out because he's been so worried about what's going on with certain things he's working on. That led to Howard talking about Jefferson Airplane after he sang a little bit of one of their songs while talking about the pills he was taking. He played some of their old songs and goofed on them a little bit. Artie was saying that he kind of likes some of that stuff. Howard said there were some good songs in there so he shouldn't goof on all of them. He said he would never go buy the albums but he doesn't mind flipping through their stuff.
Howard got back to the Jackie tapes and played a clip where he talks about the jokes he sold to Rodney Dangerfield and how Rodney didn't pay him the money he was supposed to. Jackie said that he sold the jokes to Rodney and then borrowed some money because he was broke at the time. Howard and Fred did their Jackie impressions and talked about the ''Jackie math'' that didn't make a lot of sense to them. Jackie said he paid off his debt to Rodney with jokes so he never really owed the guy the money he borrowed. Howard brought it up on the air years ago so Jackie wrote him a check for the money he owed Rodney but Rodney didn't want the money then. Jackie also says he heard that Rodney still had the check hanging over his desk years later. Howard said he was ready to do dinner with Jackie but he's not sure he wants to do that now. He also guessed that it's possible that he's the special guest Gary booked for the show. They had to go to break after that.
Bob told Howard that when he was doing the appearances he was a mess because other people were drinking and he was being asked to drink with them. Bob said he doesn't want to drink but people would try to entice him to drink. Of course Bob wasn't able to say most of those words but that's the way the guys filled in the cracks of his broken speech. Bob said that he's able to think now more than he could years ago and he is able to speak better than he used to. He's also lost some weight and he's looking much better according to Howard and Robin. Bob was able to get some of his thoughts out very well so Artie said that maybe there's no reason for him to be there now. Gary said that Bob really left the show because of the gigs he was doing, not because his family wanted him to quit the show. It turns out Bob was going back to meetings and his sponsor told him that it might not be the best place for him to be. Bob told the guys that he was smoking some weed back then because he had the money for it when he was making the appearances. He was also getting addicted to doing the show and when they wouldn't have him on enough, he'd sit home smoking weed.
Howard asked Bob what he does these days. Gary said that he told him he's doing nothing but Bob said that he does a lot of walking. He walks to a ''meeting'' every morning to get his exercise. Howard said he'd love to get tape of those meetings where people find out that Bob was a former crack user and that's how he ended up the way he did. Bob told Howard more about what he does every morning. He eats some cereal or ''dereio'' as he said. The guys were kind of making fun of the way he was saying cereal. Bob told them that it was hard for him to think sometimes and he was having trouble saying Corn Flakes so he was almost ready to walk out. Howard told him to have a good time and sit there and relax after Bob said ''Good bye!''
Howard talked about how Bob would always be first in line to his book signings and stuff and how he used to be interviewed all the time. He would make TV and Radio history when he'd get interviewed for shows. Benjy wondered if Bob would still be able to be a Wack Pack member today the way he is. Howard said of course he could, there's always room for Crackhead Bob. Gary asked Bob about the tattoos he got of the crew and if he had a Jackie tattoo. Bob said he did so Howard checked them out. They suggested that he get an Artie tattoo to keep up. Bob showed them the newer tattoo he has of a cross with Jesus hands praying. Bob said he hasn't gotten all that religious but he does believe.
Bob said that he goes to the meeting in the morning and then goes home, watches TV and then maybe he'll go to another meeting at night. He said he has friends that come over and watch TV with him. Howard asked him if he's got a girlfriend now. Bob said there's no girlfriend now and he's not getting laid like he used to when he was on the show more. Howard took some phone calls after that and let some people go off on Robin for goofing on the poor guy this morning. One caller said that Howard should give Bob a chance because he loves the show. Howard said that they've always given Bob a chance and he's always welcome on the show. Gary said they've asked him to be on the show before and he's turned it down. Now he's back for a special appearance. One phone caller told Bob that he's doing great and he wishes he could get off of crack because he's been on it for 20 years. Howard figured the guy was a scammer so he hung up on him.
The guys asked Bob what kind of stuff he watches on TV but he wasn't able to come up with any TV show names, he just said he like the movies... which came out like ''Moulies'' so Artie had some fun with that. Howard said that they only have 2 months of shows left to do and Bob was a big part of the show. He talked about what a loyal fan Bob was to the show and how he could take a joke for the good of the show. Robin asked him what prompted him to come on the show. Bob said he thought about it many times and now that Howard is leaving the air, he wanted to come in and say goodbye. They played some classic bits that Bob did on the show since they had to get rid of them anyway. They won't be taking the bits with them to the new place so they're retiring them today. The first clip was Bob performing some Van Halen songs. Howard said he gets chills listening to those bits and how great it's been having Bob as part of the show for so long.
Captain Janks called in and told a story about doing an appearance with Bob and how he got pissed at a guy who stole his seat in the bar they were at. Bob ended up picking the guy up and throwing him across the room with his one good arm. Howard said that maybe it's best that he doesn't appear on the show anymore if that's the kind of stuff he was up to. He went on to tell Bob that they were still creating bits using Bob's old tapes and played the call they made to G. Gordon Liddy's show a few months ago using Bob's clips and confusing Liddy on the air with Bob asking him questions he couldn't understand. Crackhead Bob said that even he didn't know what he was saying when he recorded those clips. Howard played another clip where Bob sang karaoke style to a John Mellencamp song live on the air one day years ago. Howard said that those memories are so fresh in his mind they're like yesterday.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who pointed out that Bob has an E! tattoo along with the other stuff on his arms. Howard said you have to be careful about what you tattoo on yourself. The caller also asked Bob why he didn't go to Hank the Dwarf's funeral. Bob said he wasn't ready to do that. He was very close with Hank though so he talked about going to shows with him and what a mess Hank was. He said that it was painful for him to watch Hank drinking so much and he just wasn't ready to go to that funeral. Bob said he lost touch with just about all of the Wack Packers he used to hang around with. They played another classic bit where Bob called and left a message with an operator who could barely understand a word he was saying. Howard thanked Bob for coming in this morning and gave him a $500 prize. He started to wrap up after that but took a call from a guy who wanted to thank Bob for keeping him off of drugs when he was a kid.
Howard mentioned that on Thursday they're going to be doing the Wendy the Retard show on SIRIUS. Then on Saturday night they're going to be broadcasting from Ronnie's Birthday at Scores. Next week they'll have a Double A show where he interviews Beth O. Angry Black and King of All Blacks will also have their own show and then High Pitch Eric will have a show where he eats and craps while he's on the air. He sent over a list of the food he wants in the studio to eat while he's there for 24 hours. It's all fast food from KFC, White Castle, Subway and other places like that. There's a ton of food on the list and the guys think he'll die after eating all of the stuff on the list. Howard also got a list from Doug Goodstein who said he did some research and found out that an average person will make one ounce of poop for every 12 pounds of body weight they have. Howard was going to try and figure out how much that would be but he's not good at the math. It took him a while to figure it out but he came up with 29 ounces of poop. Robin and Artie wanted to give him the answer but he wanted to figure it out himself. He was still having trouble figuring it all out but eventually came up with about 2 pounds of poop. He decided to go with an over/under of maybe 2.5 pounds of poop in 24 hours. Artie said that the pressure of what Eric will be doing might keep him from doing what he really needs to. Howard figures they should stick with the 2.5 pounds. He said they'd continue that after the Crackhead Bob tribute. He said a few more words to Bob, thanking him for the years he did appear on the show. He said he's always been his favorite Crackhead. Artie also told him he's a big fan of his.
Howard was going to take a commercial break as they were playing another classic bit where Bob sang ''I Got You Babe'' with Fred the Elephant Boy. He asked Bob about his friendship with Elephant Boy after that bit. Bob said that he was friends with him until he was a ''Dagget'' because he's no homo himself. He doesn't want to be around that stuff because people would call him a ''dagget'' if he was friends with him. They played more of Bob's musical performances where he sang ''Jumpin' Jack Flash'' as they went into break. And remember, as Bob would say... ''Don't do dack!''
Of course the delay was being hit a few times during this discussion since the station is so paranoid about being fined. Howard continued to go over the over/under and changed it to 3.5 pounds. Then he was offering to to take bets of $500 on that. Fred took him up on that bet and thinks that Eric is going to go at least 5 pounds. Howard doesn't think that he'll go that much and it will be under that. Howard was going to go with the under 3.5. Artie said that he wants over as well. Howard thinks that he'll clean up with this betting. Dr. Doody thinks that Eric is going to go more than that and Fred may just get him on the over. Gary came in and said that he wanted the under as well so Robin took some action with him. The event will start on Thursday morning at 6am and will go for 24 hours on Howard Stern 100 over at SIRIUS. They'll take the total weight of his doody the next morning. Dr. Doody said that if Eric has a free smorgasbord, it could cause some other issues that would change the weight. Gary said that 5 times a day is a ridiculous amount and he's thinking that 3 times a day is more realistic. Artie said he went three times yesterday and one of them was pretty extraordinary... but he was having some issues.
Ralph called in and asked how long it takes for food to move through the body. Dr. Doody said that it usually takes 12 to 18 hours so the food he eats before is what will be moving through him that day. Ralph also asked how much coffee he'll be drinking and stuff like that. Howard read the list of stuff that Eric requested and it included some coffee and a bunch of stuff like...
Howard suggested a bunch of bets they could take for that day. He had a whole list of things that some web site had up. He said he has to go find out what some of the things are all about. Artie was ready to bet that Meg Griffin over at SIRIUS will end up quitting that day. There were bets about whether or not Eric would die and other stuff like that. Will Murray came in and said that he set the lines on some of that stuff so he told Howard he could change it.
Scott DePace called in and asked who was going to clean this stuff up. Howard told him that he will be cleaning it up because Doug Goodstein is going to be shooting this for the In Demand show... So it might even be shot in High Def. Howard said that Tim Sabean is in charge of setting up a lot of this stuff so he must be thrilled that he left Infinity Broadcasting to do this job. He was in charge of a few of their radio stations and now he's sending Howard requests about what kind of paper they should use to clean up Eric's doody. Scott DePace said that they should have at least 2 cameras shooting this mess but they may need a third. Howard wondered if they should have an announcer saying what Eric is doing. Ralph said you really do need to know what he's up to so they do need one.
Gary came in and told Howard that they were almost out of delay. Howard acted like he was surprised by that but he was being sarcastic. He said that this is the reason he can't stay there at Infinity. He wants to talk about doody and he can't even do that. He thinks the bit is going to be great over there on SIRIUS and they can do it for 24 hours which they wouldn't be able to do on regular radio. He decided to stop talking about the subject since the station is so uptight about bowel movements. Artie pointed out that this is something that every living being does and they're not allowed to talk about it on the air.
Tom came in and told Howard that there's a super sensitivity about this subject and there was actually a Dr. Doody segment included in a settlement they made with the FCC years ago so they have to hit the delay on this stuff. Howard went on to talk about this new FCC commissioner who can't wait to start fining companies and he was actually upset that the hurricanes hit a few weeks ago because he was ready to start fining around that time. Howard said that he read in the news that he's still number one in the ratings and he wants to feel sad about leaving radio but he's going to have the freedom he needs at the new place. He used an analogy describing the way he feels as being like those last few guys who escaped from the World Trade Center after the planes crashed into them and before they collapsed. He said he feels like he's getting out of the business before it collapses. Howard went on to talk about an article he read where they said that Infinity has registered some new domain names like Free923.com because they're going to be promoting the station as being free after Howard leaves. Howard didn't think that his doody discussions would be censored out of the show.
Howard said that there was one edit yesterday during a discussion Sal had about a little boy that shouldn't have been cut. Tom said that he cut it out because they don't want anything about pedophilia on the air. Howard said that he's just glad he's done with this crap in 2 months. He took a call from a guy who told Howard how great the Crackhead Bob interview was earlier. Sal came in and started to ask Tom about some pedophilia jokes but Tom told Dead Air Dave to hit the dump button on them. Howard had to ask Sal to leave a few times before he would actually leave. Howard asked the guys to put up the joke from yesterday's show on his web site so people could see how ridiculous censorship is. Sal called in as the new FCC commissioner and wanted to say something to Tom but Howard hung up on him. Tom said that the one person he won't miss is Sal. He said that was the biggest mistake he made, letting them hire Sal to work there. He went on to goof on Sal about how whipped he is by his wife.
Howard took a call from a guy calling himself Dr. White Castle who said he knows for a fact that the White Castle burgers will go through a person in 6-12 hours. Howard asked Tom what he thinks will happen with Eric. Tom thinks that Eric is so used to that kind of food that he may not go as much as they think he will. Dr. Doody said that he thinks Eric is going to eat like a stuffed pig. Dr. Doody was willing to make a bet with Tom but Tom didn't want to take the action. Dr. Doody told Howard that he's the best as Howard was wrapping up. He let him go and gave a teaser for the next segment which was going to be the Top 5 moments from COPS that the creator of COPS sent to them. He went to break after that.
Artie says that he's going to go legit and only gamble legally by calling someone he knows out in Vegas to place his bets. He said that he and Norm Macdonald used to bet like crazy when they were on the set of The Norm Show. He told some stories about those days. One night he and Norm were betting on a World Series game and they had to shoot a scene over. He saw Norm standing in a corner while they were rewriting the scene and he looked really bothered by it. He went over to him and asked him if he was okay but Norm was more upset about the game than he was with his own TV show.
Eric figures he'll make his first movement about 20 minutes after he eats his first meal. Howard was ready to bet that he'll go in his first hour there. Eric was ready to guarantee that he would go in the first hour. Howard said he's now feeling that his bets about Eric going under 3.5 pounds of doody were way too low and it's like he bet that Michael Jordan would only make 2 baskets in a game. Eric claimed that he had about 7 cups of coffee this morning and had already gone to the bathroom 5 times this morning. He went at 5:30am and went 4 more times after that. Howard went through some of the other betting lines he had and wanted to go through more of them. Ralph called back in and said that if Eric had called in earlier, it would have changed everything. Eric asked Ralph to bring him some more food if he comes up to visit him at the studio next Thursday. Ralph said he'll do that so Eric asked for some Cannolis. Artie said that he's going to bring him some cannolis stuffed with Metamucil. Eric also asked Ralph to bring up a Playstation so he can play against him. Howard said he's got that set up for when Wendy is there on Thursday so they can move it over to Eric's day too. He had to get off of that subject because it was 10 o'clock already. He wanted to reset all of the bets because of what he'd just learned.
Irish John called in and said he goes with High Pitch to all you can eat buffet places and Eric always asks if they have a time limit on the buffet. Artie said he's seen Eric eating and he never stops, he just constantly eats. Robin asked what will happen if Eric dies and soils himself. They have to weigh the doody that comes out of him, that's what happens. Gary said he wanted to change his bet because he heard that Eric ate two dozen Krispy Kreme donuts when he was there recently. He ate those two dozen donuts in under 30 minutes! Irish John told the guys that they have to make sure he's got plenty of coffee up there. It's already on the list.
After taking a break, Howard had Robin get right to her news It was already 10:20 in the morning and she hadn't even started her news yet. She was done within about 15 minutes though so Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Starting off the show this morning Howard sounded like he was in the middle of a conversation about getting their stuff moved out of there by the end of the year. Gary told Howard that they have a moving company set up and they'll be doing that sometime after December 16th which is their final day there on the air. Howard said he just realized that when he walked in there this morning. Gary said he and Laura are talking about the computers that people will need and the kind of phones they need for the new place. Howard said he's been thinking about a lot of that stuff and keeps getting up early in the morning.
Howard went out and got a tour of their new television channel at In Demand and saw how cool the High Def TV is going to look. Doug Goodstein showed him around and showed him all of the old E! shows that they have. They're going back to the old shows and re-editing them so they don't have the blocks on them. He saw some old stuff that he didn't even remember doing. He said that there are so many tapes, somewhere around 40,000, that they're going to have to introduce them bit by bit. Then they have to add the new shows when they start shooting at SIRIUS. Doug also showed him that they have a new show they put together where Sal and Richard harass Ronnie the Limo Driver out in the hallway. He said it was the funniest thing he's ever seen. He described what Richard and Sal did to Ronnie out in the hall and how great it's going to be when they put it on his new In Demand show. They'll have a whole channel of that stuff within Howard's On Demand channel. They also have video of Artie getting drunk out in Las Vegas and raw tape of Artie hanging out with the Queer Eye guys, uncensored. Everything will be uncensored and there will be so much stuff it was ''spectacular'' to him.
Howard said he can put anything he wants on this new channel he's going to have. It's like having his own network to put shows on. He said he could put tape of Sal and Richard's hijinks from their comedy shows up on the channel if he wanted. Doug told Howard they couldn't get some of that crazy stuff up on the E! show because they just didn't have the time. Sal came in and told Howard about some tape they have of Beetlejuice doing some really crazy stuff out at their comedy shows that they could show. Howard said that he's never seen his stuff uncensored before and this is going to be an amazing outlet for them. Doug and his crew have been working non-stop on this new stuff. Gary said that they shot a new wrap around for his old apology tape that they played on the show years ago. That will be available to watch on demand once the channel goes live.
Howard said that he went out to dinner with the guys who are working on the new shows who used to work for E!. Doug Goodstein, Mike Gange, Scott DePace and others are all back and working on the stuff. Sal said that he has old tape of Hank the Dwarf doing stuff that he's going to give to Doug to put up on the new channel. Howard said they brought him into a room to watch the shows they had prepared for him yesterday and some of it was sick, hard core stuff. It made him a little ashamed of his career after watching some of it. Robin said that she would like to see some of that stuff uncensored because she's never seen the raw tape.
Howard asked Gary to get this girl to intern for them when she said that she'd like to do that. She claims that she's an 8 on a scale of 10 and Howard said she would give her an internship. She was looking to get into Playboy as well so Gary told her they'd do what they can. Alicia said that she has a hot friend as well and she does go both ways. Howard told her that's a prerequisite for his interns so that's good.
Howard was talking to Alicia about using condoms and she claimed that Beet was using one but the delay got hit right around that time. She told Howard that she wasn't grossed out because this is just a job to her. Howard said it has to be a freaky scene for her though. Howard asked her who she looks like and she said she looks kind of like Halle Berry and she's only 19 years old. She said she sees one or two guys a day when she's hooking and it gets a little busier on the weekends. She's about 5'4'' tall and has a 34-B cup chest. She told Howard she has one nipple pierced as well. He asked her if she does coke but she didn't want to answer that question.
Howard had her put Beetlejuice on the phone. Beet said that he was doing what he had to do with the girls and repeated himself a few times. He sounded a little bit drunk as he was talking to Howard and kept saying that he's doing what he has to do over and over again. Howard told Beet to tell the girls that he's only 9 years old but he didn't get that it was supposed to be a joke. He had Beet put the whore back on the phone. Howard told her to have Beetlejuice smack her ass so they could hear it. We could hear the smacking and Beetlejuice saying ''Who's the man?'' as he was doing it. Howard also asked the whore to sing a song while she was ''servicing'' Beetlejuice. She didn't know what to sing so Howard told her to just sing ''Row, Row, Row Your Boat'' but she didn't get the concept so Howard bailed out on her.
Howard had Alicia put another girl on the phone and found out she's not a whore, she's just a dancer. She said that she wouldn't have sex with Beetlejuice. She said she gets about $150 per hour and the whore was getting just $200. The guys said that the girl who has to bang Beet should be making a lot more money than that. The dancer said that this isn't the freakiest thing she's seen in her life. She's seen some pretty gross things in her life including one guy who asked her to pretend to be his 7 year old sister. Sean gave this girl a rating of a 7 on a scale of 10. She said she's 5'5 1/2'' tall and is 20 years old. Howard asked the dancer what the other girls were doing. She said one of them was banging Beetlejuice as they spoke. She was also asked if she wanted to be an intern there at the station. She was also interested and said that she's a student.
Howard got Sean on the phone and asked if the girls were really 7's and 8's. Sean said that he wasn't kidding about that and they really were up there. Howard told Sean he had to take a break so he couldn't talk to Beetlejuice but Beet got on the phone to say goodbye. Beet was repeating himself again telling Howard how much he loves him. Howard kept that going for a couple of minutes and had Beetlejuice saying ''I love you too bro'' over and over and over again. Sean would get back on the phone and then give Howard another ''I love you'' and Beetlejuice would get back on the phone and tell him how much he loves him. One of the girls eventually got on the phone and told Howard he was messing up her time so he hung up on them since he had to take a break anyway.
Howard said he was reading an article about these guys from Radar Magazine who tried to book Star Jones to do a gig and agreed to pay her a ridiculous appearance fee. They asked her agent to have her do all kinds of crazy stuff to see what she'd be willing to do. They kept upping the dollar amount and had her agent agreeing to do all kinds of strange things. They had a whole transcript of the call that these guys made to her agent. They went on and on and on. Howard said it was in Radar Magazine. He also said that there was a list of what certain celebrities make for making appearances at parties and stuff. Shannon Elizabeth gets between $6,000 and $100,000 to make an appearance. Howard and the guys don't believe she gets anywhere near $100,000. Halle Berry got $500,000 for making an appearance for a toothbrush company. Uma Thurman gets $5,000 to walk down a red carpet according to the article. Howard didn't know that he could get paid to make appearances like that. He just shows up for free. Howard gave the magazine another plug and said that people should check them out.
Gary put the word out again that all of the Wack Packers out there should just calm down and wait for their chance to come as far as getting a chance on radio. Howard also said that he's going to be at Scores on Saturday night and they'll be taping that to put on SIRIUS next week. They were going to put it on Saturday night but they have to make sure their voices don't get out so they'll be playing it on Monday. There were other discussions about the shows they have coming up this week and next week over there. Gary said that he spoke to Tim Sabean about weighing High Pitch Eric's doody and they may have to have him go into something and then weigh it instead of just having him go directly on a scale.
Howard mentioned that they'll be having Bill Romanowski on the show today to talk about some of the crazy things he's done in his career. Artie talked about how he's lost a lot of money because of that guy. Howard said he's going to try and get Bill to cry on the air since it seems pretty easy to do.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that they have to stop talking about all of the benefits of satellite radio on the air. Tom also told Howard that Jack FM out in Los Angeles is a number one station out there. Howard told Tom that he wasn't disparaging terrestrial radio, he was just talking about the flaws in the Jack format. He said that another problem is the announcer on that station in New York. Howard said the announcer basically tells people they don't care if they don't listen and he can't mean it because they can't afford to lose listeners. Howard played one clip where they talk about how they're doing what they want to do on the air and even the FCC can't stop them. The FCC isn't going to stop them because they're playing songs like Marvin Gaye's ''What's Goin' On.'' Howard played a few other clips that really didn't make any sense and asked Tom if he had any idea what they were talking about. Tom said they were taken out of context but they were bumpers between songs so they weren't taken out of context. Howard was trying to give them some advice on what to do over there but it was pointless. Tom told Howard that their L.A. Station would probably edit this whole segment out of the show because they're competing with the Jack station out there. Howard said he doesn't care and can't wait to get out of that place. He's got 38 working days left there.
Howard told Tom that he's not sure he wants them to throw him a goodbye party because Joel (Hollander) is being a dick to him right now. He's not handing over his 20 years of tape and wants $40 million for them. Howard said he also wants part of his deal over at SIRIUS. Howard said that Infinity can't ever play the tapes on the air anyway so them keeping them isn't going to help them out. He told Tom to just forget the whole party and leave him alone. He said that his shows will never be heard again. He said that if the company wants to give him a gift, they should give him those tapes. He said he would share revenue on those tapes but they don't want to do that. He went off on Tom telling him that they can't beat him and he will bury them. Tom told Howard he's not negotiating with him on those tapes so that's not up to him. Howard said that Joel is just being a dick to him and he'd rather leave bitter because it will fuel him to bury them. He said it will give him the anger he needs to buy them and Tom said he was trying not to laugh. Howard said he's more driven than he's ever been to work over at the new place and he will bury them.
Gary wanted to give some of the Jack FM ratings. Tom said that the Jack station is number one in a certain demographic. Howard said that's like Imus saying that he's number 2 in the ratings when he's actually like number 11. Howard said that he's number one in New York overall and there's no asterisk next to that saying that he's only number one in a certain demographic. He's just number one. Tom told Howard that he loves him but Howard said no one loves him. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is the Howard they want to hear, the angry Howard. Howard told the guy that he's back and he doesn't need no stinkin' parties. Robin said that she thought that they should have done a big party that would have made the news but that would cost them money, and they won't spend the money. Tom said that's not true. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard played a new ''Retard of the Week'' bit from Gary the Retard who nominated Joel Hollander from Infinity as his Retard of the Week because he won't hand over Howard's tapes. Gary went off on Joel and told him to take his own tapes and leave Howard alone.
Gary told Howard that he has to take a break before getting to the next segment because they only took two breaks this morning. Howard said that he's capable of going commercial free for four hours and he could do that at SIRIUS if he wanted to. They mentioned that Stevie Wonder was coming in tomorrow so Howard wanted to pick out a song for him to perform. Gary said they're not even sure Stevie will play for them though. Howard thinks that he'll be able to convince Stevie to perform though so he went through a list of songs that they could have him play. He found a few songs that he'd like to hear. He said he'd like to hear the following songs...
Howard moved on to play this game with Maya who thinks she can beat Richard Christy in a porn quiz. Maya told Howard that she works for a magazine as a reporter who covers the adult industry. She said she does interviews with porn stars and strippers so she thinks she has a good knowledge of the porn industry. Howard told her that if she loses, she has to take her shirt off for them. If she wins, she gets $5,000. Howard heard she was trying to change the deal out in the hall but he told her she'd have to take her shirt off before the game. Gary said she has a 40 page study sheet that she created for this. She's been listening and has done pretty well at it while playing along at home. Howard had her take off her top and put on a towel so they wouldn't see her until she lost. Howard sent Richard off to the isolation booth and had Maya come back in to play. The prize money was courtesy of BOSPoker.net. Howard tried to make her a deal where she would get a 1 question handicap but if she still loses, she has to let a few of the guys fondle her. Maya wasn't sure about that and wondered how long she would have to let them do it. Howard told her they might do it for an extended time. She wasn't even all that disgusted that Benjy would be touching her, she said she kind of likes him. She agreed to the handicap so Howard moved on to the game. Here are the questions:
Bill isn't well liked by other players so he talked about that. He said that he used to be friends with Shannon Sharp but he ended up getting mad at him when he broke his arm. Howard played a tape of a guy bad mouthing Bill about the way he refers to himself in the third person and how Bill would do things to hurt other guys on purpose and then claim that he didn't do them on purpose. The guys were saying that Bill is just trying to sell a book these days.
Howard said that Bill isn't as big as he thought he would be. Bill said he's really not that big and he played at about 240 pounds. Now he's down to about 225. He also told Howard that he was taking a drug called THG back when he was playing and thought that it was safe to use. He also told the guys about this stuff he took which was live cells from Scottish Black Sheep that was supposed to strengthen him. He heard that the brain cells of sheep go right to your brain and it's supposed to regenerate that tissue. Howard cut him off and talked about some notes he had about Bill. There was a story about Bill grabbing the face mask of a team mate of his and ended up punching the guy in the face accidentally. They were in a fight and the guy's helmet came off as he was taking a swing at him. He claimed that was an accident and he had to pay the guy's salary for a year. Howard asked him if he was all about kicking ass when he was playing the game. Bill said that when you do knock out another team's player, it fires up your own team. They would tell him that the hit was the best hit they had ever seen and it would get them all going to win.
Robin mentioned that Bill had broken the eye socket of a black player one time so Howard talked to him about that and if he would be willing to fight Mike Tyson. Bill said he wouldn't fight him. The guys also asked him if he really grabbed a guy's balls one time just because he could. Bill said that was true and it was true that he broke the finger of a player who was in the bottom of a pile up one time. Bill said he was trying to get the ball and all he found was the finger so he broke it. Bill was also telling Howard about his marriage that has lasted 12 years so far.
Howard asked Bill if he knows of any homosexuals in the NFL but Bill said he never bothered to find out, he was too busy doing other things. He was asked about the locker room and if he ever checked out the other guys. Bill said he didn't really do that. Julie said their son noticed that when he was brought into the locker room one time though and said that he saw some very different looking guys in there.
Howard read some notes about Bill and how he once stepped on the testicles of a player as he was running over him. Bill claims that he didn't do that on purpose and wasn't really aiming for them. He said that it was in the heat of battle and he's had the same thing done to him. Howard gave Bill a plug for his book ''Romo: My Life on the Edge--Living Dreams and Slaying Dragons'' and said that he'll be signing copies of it at a Barnes and Nobel in New York City today.
Howard took some phone calls for Bill and one guy asked him to talk about the supplements that Bill was taking when he was playing. Bill said he was taking up to 100 supplements a day back then. He used to have his doody tested for parasites back then as well. His urine would also turn purple because of the supplements he was taking. The caller also thinks that Bill was just playing the game the way it should be. Another caller said that Bill was a cheat and a dirty player and wanted to dump rocks on his head when he left the studio today. Ralph also called in and told Bill not to go back on what he's done in his career if he didn't feel badly about them when he did them. Bill said he looks back on that stuff now and feels bad and he just did that crazy stuff because he was playing the game with fear. Another caller asked Bill why he spit in JJ Stokes' face years ago. Bill said that he doesn't know why he did that. Howard told him that's the problem, he says he doesn't know why he did that stuff, but he did it. Bill said he would do that stuff to get the other guys pissed off at him to throw them off.
Howard asked Bill if he's worried about the effects of his 20 concussions. Bill said that he already has problems from those concussions and they've been haunting him. Julie said that he's had some testing done and couldn't even remember her name when they were asking him to give some girl names from A to Z. Gary came in and tried to get Bill to cry by asking him about his son. It wasn't working so Howard asked him why he cried for 60 Minutes but not for him. Bill said those guys spent 3 days with him and worked on him for that long. Gary asked him to talk about not clearing out his locker after he retired and that got Bill a little emotional. He said that he left his helmet and pads behind in that locker because it would be so hard to walk away from that stuff. Howard wasn't able to break him down to tears. Robin was asking him some questions about his final days in the NFL and going down the tunnel for the last time. Bill said that he was sad that day but he still wasn't crying for them. Howard let Bill talk about the concussions and what could have happened to him if he had kept playing.
Bill said that he would let his son play football even after everything he's been through. Howard said it's really not worth it and he should have his son play baseball, golf or something like that so he doesn't get hurt so bad. Howard gave Bill some more plugs for his book and the appearance he's making today. Artie also gave Bill a hypothetical question about which quarterback he would want to play with, Joe Montana or John Elway. Bill said that he'd prefer to play with both because they're both great guys and great players. Howard was trying to get into some sex talk with Bill and his wife but Julie thought there were better things to talk about. Howard had some fun with that and then went to break a short time later.
Howard mentioned that someone he knows has a picture of Jeff the Vomit guy as their screen saver. He's not sure that he'd be able to handle that but he's going to put it up on his web site so people can download it if they want it.
High Pitch Eric called in and gave Howard an update on how many times he went to the bathroom yesterday. He said he went a total of 7 times and he's pretty sure it was about four pounds of crap. Howard told Eric he doesn't want him going too nuts with the eating when he's doing this thing next week. Eric said that he won't do that. He suggested that Howard get someone like Marv Albert to do the play-by-play of what he's doing but Howard wants someone more relaxed. He told Eric to go about his life normally when he's in the SIRIUS studio next week and not to go too nuts with the food. He was thinking about giving away tickets to fans so they can go in and eat with him.
Robin was about to start her news but Jeff Levy the Vomit Guy called in and thanked Howard for talking about him and told him he was being a decent human being about it by getting the word out there about his vomiting. Howard said that he's not even sure that his fetish is a legitimate fetish but Jeff said there are tapes available out there with the fetish so it has to be legitimate. Howard had him rolling going on and on about his vomiting fetish and how much support there really is about the fetish. He let Levy go a short time later and had Robin get back to her news. They also ran down the Top 5 songs after Robin asked to hear what they were. The top 5 included artists like Bow Wow, Black Eyed Peas, Mariah Carey, Nickleback and Kanye West.
Later, during the news, Howard said he had 4 suggested wallpapers for your computer that he'll have available on his web site HowardStern.com later today. They include pictures of High Pitch Eric's fat body, Sal spitting on Richard's face, Jeff the Vomit Guy and more. He had Robin finish up her news after that and ended the show around 10:35am.
For those of you who can't afford the more ''expensive'' of the SIRIUS tuners, check this article out... SIRIUS Satellite Radio Debuts New Plug & Play Units under $50 for the Holiday Season.
Howard started off the show talking about another wild night for himself of getting no sleep. He said he's realizing that he's supposed to put away his work 2 hours before he goes to bed but he hasn't been doing that. He's all charged up about what's going on with his life and he just can't stop working on it. He said he's been working around the clock on his show, the new channels over at SIRIUS and it's getting a little overwhelming. He dropped his daughter off yesterday after visiting with her. Then he checked his messages and heard he had 40 messages from people from the new TV show, the radio show and satellite show. He was on the phone with Tim (Sabean) who is his new program director. They now have a 17 person news team who are broadcasting only news about his show. 24 hours a day of Howard Stern news. He said they'll be bringing in even more... They have ex- WINS news people so they're professional news crews, but they're only reporting about ''Howard.'' He sat down with the news director, who he just quickly put in place over there. He said that if he hears anything he doesn't like, they can do a news report about it. They can even skewer him if they like. They'll be reporting on the good and the bad. They've been doing test runs for a couple of months so he was listening in last night, which was the first night of them broadcasting it live. They have Shuli working there as a reporter among the others. Howard also mentioned that they'll have a 1 hour newscast live at 6pm each night on Howard 100.
Artie's mother was one of the interviews and so was Wendy the Retard who was on her way there to do her 24 hour day today. Howard said that there were many interviews being done by the reporters, Bubba the Love Sponge, Mike Piazza (not the baseball player) and others. They can't interview Howard and the crew, but they can interview everyone else who doesn't work for Infinity. Howard said they had an exclusive interview with Jackie the Joke Man Martling and he ended up screaming at the radio because of what Jackie was saying. He didn't think what he was saying was accurate. He, Ronnie the Limo Driver and Mike the Limo Driver were all yelling at it because of what Jackie was saying. He got so pissed that people weren't hearing it. He said that Jackie was saying that money was only one of the factors that kept him from coming back to work with Howard. Jackie said that he was tired of getting up so early in the morning to do the show. Then Jackie said he was insulted that when he called back 2 months later wanting to come back and they didn't want him back. Howard complained that it was Jackie being Jackie and Bubba, who was doing the interview, just let him roll.
Howard called Tim Sabean to talk over some stuff and Tim wanted to go live with the Jackie interview. Howard told him to go ahead and put the news up on SIRIUS even though they weren't planning on doing it so early. It was 6:00 last night. The people on the SternFanNetwork.com web site were going nuts. One guy was keeping his SIRIUS tuner on that channel even though it was dead air, and his boss ended up yelling at him because there was cursing all over the place. Howard said people were really digging it and having a good time listening to the new content so Howard was getting off on hearing the stuff. Artie hasn't heard any of it live on the service so Howard was going to play some of the audio he had. Gary gave him a tape to play where Jackie talks about why he left the show. Jackie said that he was so tired that he was walking around miserable all the time and didn't want to get up early anymore. Howard was a little upset because Scott the Engineer hadn't cut the tape with the intro to the story. Fred heard a few seconds of it and was fuming that Jackie would make up a story like that. Howard said that's what he was yelling at last night.
Once Howard heard that the fans were going nuts on SternFanNetwork.com he was all charged up and couldn't get to sleep because he was so busy doing so many things with his new channels. He was up at 10 o'clock last night because he was going nuts and Ross Zapin from SIRIUS told him to go to bed already. He said that having his own channel is going to kill him. Robin reminded him that he'll have 2 channels to program. Howard had to take an Ambien to help him get to sleep even though he hates taking the stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him he's a genius and the Angry Black and King of All Blacks stuff was great on the show. Howard also mentioned a bit that Joey Boots did about Irish John. They analyzed his calls to the show on the audition tape that Joey did for the channel. Howard said that Wendy the Retard will be starting this morning at 6:30 this morning to do her 24 hours. The caller said that the Angry Black and King were going at each other about their cars and calling each other names. Howard had some tape of that to play as well so he gave everyone a taste of what's going on over there. In the tape Angry Black and King of All Blacks argued about who would have a better show on Howard 100. Angry's show would be called ''Black Out'' King's show would be called ''The After King Show.'' They had to bleep it for this show but Howard said it's all unedited over at Howard 100. King was talking about how guys should be treating women like ''sh**'' and he knows more about that stuff and music more than Angry does. Howard said that their audition will be next week on Howard 100. Robin said she really wants to listen to that show. She said that it's going to be great with the two of them going off on each other and other things. They did a rant about each other's cars and stuff like that. Howard said King also did a rant about the people down in New Orleans stealing TVs like they'd actually be able to use them with no electricity down there. It was pretty wild stuff according to Howard.
Howard took a call from The Sim who said that his head almost exploded when he heard the channel live last night. Howard played him another clip from SIRIUS where the news reporter introduces another clip of Jackie talking about why he left. Jackie said that he loved the people, he loved the job, he just didn't like getting up early. He was so tired that he was walking around angry all the time. Jackie said that he and Howard are still friendly but don't talk on the phone or anything. Jackie then said that he called back 2 months after leaving the show and said he'd take the offer that was on the table, but it was too late. He wanted to ''reunite the Beatles'' which is what he called the team of Howard, Robin, Fred and himself. Howard took a call from Pinnochio Dave who said that he would love to be a reporter for Howard. He said he would need one of those microphones with a Howard 100 logo on it. Howard told him that they will have his reporters driving around in Howard 100 vans and doing news reports. They'll all be ''Howard-centric'' interviews and reports though.
Another caller said that he was listening to Wendy the Retard who was on SIRIUS 100 this morning just hanging out and doing her thing for the next 24 hours. A phone caller from Las Vegas, Nick, said that he's just as jazzed as Howard is about the new channel and he wanted to put some logos on his race motorcycle. Howard told the guy that he would hook him up with the logo once it's designed and he can stick it on his bike if he wants.
Jessica Hahn called in to say hello and told Howard that it's like the second coming listening to the new channel over there. She said that when they hear the Jackie stuff, they'll kill themselves because of what he's talking about. Howard said that they should be interviewing Jessica about this stuff and told Gary to get someone on that. Howard let Jessica go a short time later and took some more phone calls. He also mentioned that they had Stevie Wonder and James Woods coming in later in the morning and asked Robin if she would check out James' penis in the bathroom and describe it to them. Robin wasn't sure that Woods would show it to her though. They also talked about what they're going to talk to Stevie about.
A phone caller told Howard that Wendy the Retard was being coached in the studio so maybe they should stop that. Howard said he might have to ask them to stop the coaching. Stevie Wonder showed up a short time later and came right in the studio. Howard was about to go to break but had to stay there to applaud Stevie with the rest of the guys. He told Stevie they were giving him a standing ovation but he didn't have to stand up since Stevie couldn't see them. Stevie told Howard that he looks better with age... He also told Howard that he listens to the show sometimes but it wasn't clear if he was yanking him around or not. Howard was all over the place with Stevie until he settled down and concentrated on one subject. He asked Stevie when he started getting laid and how he got his first record contract. Stevie told Howard a story about how he would hear music playing out on the street but he wasn't allowed to cross the street. He paid a friend of his to help him across the street and hooked up with a guy who was playing two blocks away. That person let him play with them and hooked him up with a record company. Stevie said that his mother almost blew his record contract for him back then. He said he loves her very much though and things are good with them.
Howard asked Stevie about his vision loss and how that came about because of too much oxygen when he was born pre-mature. Stevie said he can remember seeing some things when he was younger and now they're working on getting him some implants that will help him to see some images. He said they did some testing and got some good results. The tests are kind of inconclusive at this point and he's not sure that the chip is the right thing for him.
Howard got back to the discussion about when he got laid but Stevie wasn't going to tell him his business. Howard told Stevie that he got laid when he was 16 and Stevie said that sounds a little late. Stevie got his first record contract at 13 so Howard figures that's when he first got laid. Stevie said that it could have happened then but maybe it didn't. They talked about Stevie's first wife Syreeta who just passed away a couple of years ago. Howard wasn't aware of that and left the story alone after Stevie told him about her breast cancer.
Howard asked Stevie who helps him out and walks him out on stage. Stevie said that it's actually his brother who helps him out. Howard figured that's the only person that you can trust to do something like that. He asked the brother if Stevie ever asks where the hot women are at. Stevie said that doesn't happen. He said that he's married now and plans on being married forever. He's got 7 kids now and 2 with his new wife of four years. Howard wondered how old his oldest kid is. Stevie said he has a daughter who's 30 years old and rattled off the names of all of his kids for Howard. He was still refusing to talk about the chicks he's banged over the years. He also said that he never had to ask his brother to pick out the hot chicks either.
Stevie was asking for some food but Howard let him know that he was at a radio station, they don't have any food for guests. He went on to ask Stevie about his celebrity friends like Prince who has been over to his place to listen to his new CD. That led to Robin and Howard asking Stevie what kind of music he likes these days. Stevie told them that he doesn't know of anyone who is a genius. Gary came in a minute later to take Stevie's breakfast order since they didn't have any food there for him. Stevie said he'd have an egg white omelet with no cheese and a pineapple cranberry mix drink. His brother took the same thing but with cheese.
Howard asked Stevie to go over to the piano they had in the room so he could play some songs for them. Howard gave him a plug for his new album ''A Time To Love.'' They were having some trouble with the keyboard they had in there so they had to mess around with it for a short time. Stevie was changing all of the instrument sounds on the board and couldn't find the piano setting. Scott the Engineer wasn't able to get it done either so they brought in Stevie's personal keyboard. Howard took some phone calls and let some people say a few words to Stevie. Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard about a song that Stevie wrote about his wife cheating on him. Stevie sang a little bit of that song without the piano. He eventually got the piano working but it didn't sound right to him because of the way it was hooked up. Once he got going he got into it and sang some of the songs that Howard wanted to hear. Stevie's voice was breaking up a little bit so he had to warm up a little bit. Robin requested a little ''Superwoman'' so Stevie sang the song using her name in the song.
Howard asked Stevie about being friends with Michael Jackson. Stevie would only say that he's his friend and wouldn't answer Howard when he asked if he would let his own kids sleep over at his house. Stevie would only say ''I'm Michael Jackson's friend.'' After talking to Howard a little bit he would play another little bit of one of his songs. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and ruined one song because she couldn't hear him playing when Howard put her on the air. She said she was honored and wanted to hear a little bit of ''Isn't She Lovely'' so Stevie performed a little bit of that for her. He talked about the song and how it was never released as a single, it was only on an album. He told Howard how he wrote the song and how that all came about. He even reenacted how he came up with the lyrics. Howard told Stevie that he took piano lessons as a kid but his piano teacher killed himself... and he wasn't kidding about that. Stevie never took lessons. He played a little bit of a song that he was creating, as he was going along, just for Howard.
Howard asked Stevie how long after meeting a woman it would be before he'd play a personal performance for her. Stevie said he would do that when he was younger he would actually do that. Captain Janks called in and asked Stevie to play a little bit of ''Sir Duke'' for him... and asked him if he ever ''saw'' Howard's movie ''Private Parts.'' Stevie played along and said he saw it. He then went on to play a little bit of ''Sir Duke'' for Janks. Howard asked Stevie if he and Bill Cosby are still friends. Stevie said that he still talks once in a while but not all that much. Howard gave him another plug for his album and took some more requests over the phone. One guy asked to actually sing along to ''My Cherie Amore'' over the phone. Stevie started to laugh when the guy called him ''brother'' as he was singing. Howard ended up singing instead of Stevie but he had Stevie take over since he couldn't remember the lyrics. Howard took over once again and sang the song about Scores and how much he loves that place.
Howard asked Stevie some questions about what he'll be leaving his kids in his will. Stevie said that his kids won't get any money, they'll have to work for their money. Howard asked Stevie to play his favorite song off of his new CD but Stevie was starving and wasn't getting paid so he was being kind of reluctant to play. Howard asked him what song he thought was going to be a big hit but ended up not being as big as he thought. Stevie said that was probably ''What the Fuss.'' Howard also asked him to play a little bit of ''Pastime Paradise'' which he did for a few seconds. Stevie couldn't remember all of the lyrics though. Gary came in and made one more request before Howard played something off of his CD. He played some of ''What the Fuss'' which Stevie said features Prince and En Vogue.
Artie told Stevie that his girlfriend is envious of him because she's got to look at him every night. Howard was going to wrap up but Stevie wanted to get someone on the phone to talk to Howard but he had to go through a whole thing to get the person on the line. Gary said that Stevie was using this brail Blackberry-like device to find the number. Gary told Howard this might be worth it and helped to get the person on the phone. Stevie said that the person was surprised that Howard would have him on the show and not have him. The person was on the line but Gary wasn't as excited as he thought he was going to be. The person on the phone was ''Bruce'' but not the Bruce that Gary thought it was going to be. He thought it was going to be Springsteen but it was some guy doing a gay voice and goofing on them.
Howard wrapped up with Stevie even though he said he could interview him for 5 hours. He asked him to come back tomorrow but Stevie said that he's going to be busy. Howard and Robin told him how great he is and what an influence on the music industry he's been. Howard gave him some more plugs for his album ''A Time To Love.'' Stevie said that he'd like to do this again with them and even offered to do a concert if they found a good charity to give to. Howard thanked him again and had Stevie play them into commercial.
Howard said that he just made the decision to start the new channel over there last night. He wasn't prepared to put it on so early but Tim Sabean was and convinced him to go for it. Howard said that the funny thing is that his Howard 100 news department has scooped him with the Jackie interview. They haven't even gotten him on his radio show. A phone caller told Howard that he really is a genius and has created a new market with this satellite stuff. Howard thanked him for that and said that he has given that news department full autonomy and they can do whatever they have to do to get a story. Robin thinks he's nuts for doing that. Even Howard thinks that this might be a nightmare because he'll be running away from his own news team. He said that the news crew showed up at his agents office and his agent asked him to get them away from him. Howard can't do that though, they'll be doing all Howard news so they'll be chasing down a lot of stories about his show. He said they'll even do stories about stuff that he doesn't want on the air. Robin said that this could really turn into a real nightmare because they'll be following him around with Howard 100 vans and helicopters. Gary said he can't wait to see a news report on TV where they credit Howard 100 with getting the scoop.
Gary told the guys that he spoke to Jackie yesterday and asked him if he would come back on the show before they leave terrestrial radio. Jackie gave him a sigh and said that it would be ''like walking into Africa naked'' and he's not sure if he'd want to come back like that. Gary said they were implying that Jackie might be coming back to the show though. He had some more of the Jackie clips to play after that. The phone caller said that he was amazed that Jackie was even talking about what he was talking about on Howard 100. Howard replayed the clip that he had played earlier where Jackie claims that he walked away from the job because he wasn't getting enough sleep. Robin got mad at the audio clip and started going off on Jackie about the lame excuse he was giving for breaking up the show the way he did.
Gary said that he had an update on Jackie's love life... He met Jackie's Fiancee when he ran into Jackie yesterday and she had a great body. He said she might be in her mid-30s and he met her at the Cann festival. Artie said he's seen Jackie with a hot chick at a movie festival. Howard said he doesn't like that his own news team is scooping him but had to play more of the clips he had. In the next clip Bubba the Love Sponge asks Jackie if he would come back to work with Howard. Jackie said that it all depends on the situation, even though he had been saying that he wanted to come back in 2001 when he left the show. Jackie said that he thinks they'd click back to where they were in 2001 if he went in and sat down with the crew again. Fred got pissed when he heard that and said it wasn't fun toward the end of that relationship back then. Tom Chiusano came in and said that Jackie tried to throw him under the bus back then and there were discussions about that with Jackie's agent. They offered Jackie the chance to come back in 2001 but he wanted more money and they couldn't come through.
Howard asked Tom to come through and say that his news team is great. Tom admitted that they did sound good and he can't believe that they actually got that interview with Jackie. Gary said that they were listening to one bit of that interview where Jackie talked about meeting Howard and it was way back in 1983. They did some math and figured that Jackie is 62 years old or something like that. Howard couldn't stop playing the interview that Bubba did with Jackie even though he had James Woods waiting to come in. Dominic Barbara called in and said that Jackie wasn't talking about some of the stuff that really happened back then. Howard told him he'd do more on that story tomorrow since he had so much to get through today. They went to commercial break right after that.
Last night James Woods went on Conan O'Brien's show to promote the web site HollwoodPoker.com, but they wouldn't allow him to promote the web site. James said that a lawyer came up to him and told him he wasn't allowed to mention anything to do with HollywoodPoker. He was allowed to talk about it on Jay Leno's show no problem. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that they had to ask James not to promote the web site because Tom told him they couldn't do it because they're not advertising the site on the station. Howard said that they let guests come in and promote stuff like that all the time and that's their payment for appearing on the show. Tom came in and told the guys that they can't promote the .com part of that site, they only take advertising for the .net gambling sites because there is no money being thrown around. James said he'd be more than happy to promote the HollywoodPoker.net thing instead of the other one. He wasn't the one who mentioned the .com thing to begin with, it was Howard who mentioned the .com.
James told Howard about how Gary had come to him earlier and told a story about how he lost to Howard in a game of poker one night and he didn't understand why he lost. That led to the guys talking about the game they played and how Howard just outplayed Gary in the game. They talked about that for a few minutes and then Howard got back to the story about last night's Conan. James interrupted him and told them about another show he did where he was told he couldn't use the word ''gas'' during a show about the gas chambers. They ended up bleeping the show 184 times because that's what the show was about. Howard said that James did the Conan show last night and went ahead and did the plugs for his web site and NBC bleeped out the word ''Hollywood'' each time he said it so all you would hear is ''Poker.''
Howard read that James also had an operation on his arms because he had a poker injury from leaning on his elbows so much. Vinnie Favale called in and said that he played in the game Gary was talking about earlier and it was the first hand where Howard wiped him out. James went on to talk about another game he played where he was playing with people like Leonardo Di Caprio, Toby Maguire and others who make 20 million a film and how much money they were throwing around.
Howard tried to get James to show his penis to Robin but he apparently told Howard he was going to smack him in the head with it if he kept asking. The delay was hit because James used the F-word when he responded. That led to Howard playing a bit that Richard Christy created about ''James Woods' Unit'' as a movie commercial. Howard also told James about a George Takei interview where he talks about his wiener... it was actually clips of his voice stuck together to sound like he was talking about Woods.
Ralph called in and said that he loves Woods as an actor and that he said something very funny in an interview one time. He said that he said something about how you date younger girls because when you buy a dog, you don't buy the dog, you buy a puppy. James said he got that line from someone else who said that guys probably date younger women for the same reason they buy puppies. James also told the guys about dating and how women change over time and how it happens to everyone. He said that the women always turn on you no matter what you do. He thinks that women hate guys overall and they love to hate us. He said as soon as you pay attention to them sulking in a corner, they know they have you and end it right there. Howard asked James to do a half hour radio show on his SIRIUS channel about that kind of stuff. James said that he could do that for him if he wanted. He told Howard that as long as you're the bad boy, the women like you. Then you change things around, make a commitment and it screws things up. Every relationship is doomed from the start according to James. James said that women are always complaining about being sex objects but then they go out at the age of 19 and get breast implants the size of toaster ovens. It doesn't make sense.
Artie told a story about seeing James at a party years ago with Nicolette Sheridan and thought he was dating her. James said he didn't date her but they are friends. He said that he probably wasn't her type but she would walk around half naked around him no problem. He wouldn't say that she's fallen apart these days but Howard and Artie seem to think that she's hit the wall since those days. Howard took a couple of quick phone calls after that and let some people talk to James. One guy said that he worked on a movie with James and the guy actually came up to get his own food at the trailer like a normal person. James said that's because he likes hanging out with ''real people'' and not the phonies. He said that the crews, especially the New York ones, are great people to work with. Another caller told James what a great actor he is and how he agreed with James about the relationship stuff he was talking about. James said that he really does love women but Robin found that hard to believe after what he was saying.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked James about how short Sylvester Stallone is in person and if they had to put him on a milk crate to look him in the eye. Howard said he's not that short in person. Howard asked James to give them his top 5 hot looking chicks in Hollywood and went over that quickly... They only mentioned four names though. Keira Knightly, Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johannson, and Charlize Theron. Richard Christy came in after that and said that he and JD were going to take his advice and treat women like crap. James told him to treat women nice but ''don't be a wimp.'' Howard invited James to Ronnie the Limo Driver's Scores party that's going on Saturday night. James said he'd love to go. He said he could teach the guys the way to treat the girls. Ronnie came in and said that he would be honored to have James there at the party. Ralph called back and said that James has just raised himself to one of Howard's top 5 guests ever. Howard had to take a break but Richard asked James to trace his penis on a piece of paper. James told him to get an 11x14 sheet of paper and he'd still be 4 inches short. He wouldn't do that for him. James got in another plug for his HollywoodPoker web site as Howard was wrapping up and going to break.
Howard came up with another idea where they would have someone put up $10,000 and have Jeff, Beetlejuice, Wendy and Gary the Retards, Elephant Boy in a room and have them pick a ''Pope'' of the Wack Pack. He was going to do it on his radio show but now they could put a microphone in the room for the whole thing so they could tune in and hear it on satellite. He's thinking that they could do that in 2 weeks or so. Howard figures that they would all want to be the Pope because that one person would get the $10,000. It would go on and on forever because all of them would want the money and wouldn't want to give it up to any of the other Wack Packers.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Wendy playing the video games is funny and they shouldn't take it away from her yet. Howard told Gary to have them leave it plugged in and let her play. Ralph is going to head over to the studio later today to play some games with Wendy.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and gave another update on Wendy the Retard who was asked about what she wanted for breakfast. He also asked Howard about the news updates they have on Howard 100 and if he picked the comedy bits they play. Howard said that's all the news crew's pick, not his... but they're still working on that stuff.
The guys ended up talking about the upcoming Scores party on Saturday night. Howard was going to go over the list of guys going to the party but he's going to wait until tomorrow to do that. Artie talked about how he'll be drinking again since he fell off the wagon about a month ago. He told Robin that when he was working at MAD TV years ago, he ended up falling off the wagon one night at a party when he had a Jack and Coke and ended up getting arrested for cocaine possession a couple of weeks later... So it'll be interesting to find out what happens to him at Scores this weekend.
Howard mentioned that there was an article about them in the NY Times today where they talk about the new Howard 100 channel. They even had a computer rendering of what Howard's new studio will look like over there when it's done. They spent some time on that and Artie ended up talking about how he had a conversation with Norm Macdonald yesterday who reminded him of some more Don Rickles stuff that went on during the filming of ''Dirty Work'' and how funny that was. Artie told Howard some of the jokes that Rickles was making about Bob Saget who was directing the movie. Artie had a bunch of jokes and stories to tell about Rickles and how much fun it was to work with the guy. Gary said he wasn't thinking but they should have had Don Rickles come in for Artie's birthday last week. He had forgotten that it was even his birthday.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that Wendy the Retard was just going nuts on the air at Howard 100 because she had to go to the bathroom. Eric was also asking Howard for some more food for his stint on Howard 100 next Thursday. He asked for some Snickers bars, baby wipes, toilet paper, and tons of powder. Artie asked him if he needed a gun for his nurse who has to clean up after him. Howard thinks that he's going to lose his bets with the guys in the studio because he was listening to Dr. Doody on Howard 100 last night and he was saying that the over/under should have been 7 pounds, not 3.5 pounds. Howard wants Gary to have the guys at Howard 100 News get a round table of sports betting guys to talk about what they should have set those numbers at. Artie is willing to take some action from Howard on a number higher than the 3.5 pounds. Howard asked Eric how many times he went to the bathroom yesterday. He went about 5 times total and thinks that each movement was about 3 pounds. The guys don't believe that it could be that much though. Eric said he just eyeballed it so he's not sure exactly how much it weighed. Howard said they'll go over more bets next Monday. Howard didn't end the show until about 11:15am, that's why my update was a little late this morning.
Howard said he didn't get any sleep again last night and he just wanted to end the show already. He's been going to bed at around 10-10:30 because he's been so busy. He told the guys that he ''cranked one out'' last night to try and help himself get some sleep. Artie did the same thing and said that it really helps him get to sleep. Howard said Beth was away in Pittsburgh so she wasn't around to help him out. Artie said having a regular broad doesn't help things out because you don't get laid that much. Artie said he doesn't even need any porn to watch, he just has a few girls in his mind that he remembers to get off. He told Howard about this whore out in Vegas that he met at a bachelor party. He said he ended up having to pay her because the other deadbeats left the room and him with the bill. Before he knew it, they were going at it. He said he was on The Norm Show back then so he laid that on heavy. He did her that night and then slept there until the next morning when they took a shower together. She had done two of his friends the night before as well. Artie went back to Los Angeles and told Norm (Macdonald) that he thought he was falling in love with her. He actually stayed in contact with her for a while and she came out to L.A. To visit him. She would do him for free when she came out there though. He said it only cost him some expensive meals at a few restaurants. Howard wondered if she dressed hot for him when she came out. Artie said ''Oh yeah!'' and said that she'd dress like a hot hooker and he wasn't embarrassed by bringing her out with him. He said he was really turned on by this chick more than usual. He said that there was something really adorable about her and he even took the kid out and bought the kid gifts. He said she was staying with friends out in L.A. because Artie wouldn't let her stay with him.
Artie said he took her to the lot of The Norm Show when he was working there and Norm didn't care. David Spade even helped him out and pretended that Artie was a huge star. Then one day he was driving past the set of The Perfect Storm and saw Mark Wahlberg standing there and the whore thought he was really hot. Years later Artie got on Howard's show and the chick was listening to the show. She asked to come out to New York to stay with him there so she could visit him. Artie said that she was really hot and she would have come on the show to get naked and stuff. Artie said that he was able to detach emotionally from this chick, which was good because she was still working every day as a whore. He said she was about to fly out to visit him on September 10th, 2001 and she was set to fly out there on September 11th. He was going to cancel with her because he figured that everything would come out on the air. Then the World Trade Center attacks came and saved him from the visit. He didn't hear from her for a little while after that. Artie said that he wasn't full time there on Howard's show but he did come in a few days later. He said that the whore was really into blow back then and she'd do it so much that she would be doing it in the car driving. The week after 9/11 the whore called him and said that she didn't make it because ''the accident happened'' and she was referring to the World Trade Center attacks. She was checking into it to find out if anyone he knew had been involved in that ''accident.'' After getting that message he said he changed his phone number. She probably still knows what he's up to because she listens to the show. The whole point of this story was to tell Howard that he visualized this chick when he was pleasuring himself last night.
Howard asked Artie what this chick looked like. Artie said she kind of looked like Natalie Portman... until you got up close when you could see the mileage on her face. He said he used to work on a set where a lot of other great shows were being filmed so he could really impress her back then. The delay was hit a couple of times when he was telling the story the delay was hit because of some of the details. Howard wondered if Artie's girlfriend gets jealous when she hears this story these days. He said she shouldn't because no guy thinks about their girlfriend when they're pleasuring themselves or even having sex with them. Artie said Dana is way hotter than the other chick anyway so she shouldn't worry. The other chick was also dumb while Dana is smarter than Artie is. He said he was done in 3 seconds after thinking about the whore last night.
Howard said he was dating a chick after his divorce who was working on a TV show and he banged her on the set of her show. He said he didn't think about that when he was pleasuring himself last night. He went on to talk about how he does a little jig when he's home alone. He said he was thrilled to be able to watch ''Smallville'' last night. He watched that, ''Lost,'' and ''Survivior.'' Then he wanted to pleasure himself so he brought up his On Demand cable and found something to watch. The movie was about hot teenage sluts who just turned 18 and it was a Larry Flynt production so some of the girls were pretty nasty looking. He paid about $10.95 for the 6 hours of movies but he only lasts about 15 seconds. The first chick in the movie was a pig who could barely speak English. The second chick was doing another chick who had a fat belly but the one chick was kind of piggy but not enough to stop him from getting off. Howard ended up talking to Artie about the whores that Artie has been with in his life. Artie said that he only went to one tunnel bunny one time and that was it. It's not like he was doing it all the time. Robin told Artie that he would still be with that whore from L.A. if he hadn't gotten on Howard's show. Artie seemed to agree with that.
Artie told Howard that the Las Vegas whore was asking him to get her parts on The Norm Show back then. He would just tell her ''yes'' to everything but never followed through. He was also saying that she was into coke and into crystal meth so it was a bit of a mess. He figures she's probably dead by now but Howard and Robin wanted to get the two of them back together again.
Artie said that he went to lunch with Norm Macdonald yesterday and he says hello to everyone, then he and Norm went over to SIRIUS to tour the new digs. Norm went in to say hello to Jim Breuer and couldn't believe how great it is that they can say whatever they want. Then they went and visited Wendy the Retard and saw her wearing her pink slippers and just hanging out and drinking her Mugg root beer. He said they stood there and watched her for about 10 minutes and it was compelling to watch her just doing her thing. Howard played some of Wendy's snoring and said that she talks in her sleep as well. That makes Howard angry because she can get such a restful night of sleep while he can't stay asleep for one full night.
The phone caller asked Artie how long he'll be staying at SIRIUS because a few months ago he was saying he didn't think he'd be staying there too long. Artie said he's going to stay there as long as his liver holds out and he's really looking forward to moving over there. He said he and Norm were really impressed by everything over there at SIRIUS and it's going to be a great thing. Howard played more of Wendy snoring and said that he listened to that for more than a half hour this morning. Other phone callers were saying that they were fascinated by Wendy as well. One guy said it was like going to the zoo and checking out the gorilla cage. Howard said he's trying to convince the guys over at SIRIUS that they don't need to produce anything there, this is all an experiment. Artie was afraid that he'd get in trouble over there if his voice was on the air while Wendy was on. Howard said he probably wouldn't have a problem since he's not doing a sit down show. He had to go to break after that.
Howard replayed the audio clip that he played late in the show yesterday of Joan Rivers freaking out and yelling at a guy about not calling her a racist. She was apparently overreacting to a joke that the guy said about her. He thought that Joan didn't like the term ''black'' and when he brought that up, Joan went crazy yelling at the guy and continued to go off on him for a good two minutes or so. Howard said he loves that kind of angst.
The phone caller Howard had on the line told Howard how great the past couple of days have been with Bill Romanowski, Stevie Wonder and James Woods have been. Howard asked the caller some questions trying to find out if he had that small amount of money to buy a radio and pay the monthly charge for it. The guy said he really can't do it so Howard gave him a $500 prize to help him buy that radio. The guy said he wasn't even calling in for that but he was very happy that he was offering up the prize. The guy also told Howard about a guy who works at his affiliate station down in Atlantic City who first heard the show when he was 5 years old at his house. Howard said that's the kind of person they want to have come in to talk to before they leave. He had to go to break a short time after that.
Gary had a whole list of people that they have to make sure don't get their voices on the air when they record the show to air on SIRIUS. They're going to tape the whole thing and replay it on Howard 100 next Monday. Fred isn't going to make it to the party, which is Ronnie the Limo Driver's birthday celebration. Fred said he has a gig with his band King Norris so he doesn't think he'll be able to get there in time to enjoy the party. Howard and Gary talked about the behavior of some of the guys who will be there and what's going to happen this weekend.
Sal and Richard aren't going to make it to the party because they have a comedy gig to do this weekend. Howard heard that Benjy made some plans with his girlfriend and he's not going to be able to make it to the party either. He won't back out of the date because he never goes out with his girlfriend like this. He's going to a Sumo wrestling show. Artie said that the logic of that is crazy, instead of going to see hot chicks in thongs, he's going to see fat dudes in thongs.
Howard read some more e-mail and one guy suggested that Gary keep wearing his birka when he comes in the studio because he's still showing up in pictures that they post on Howard's web site. Gary said he doesn't mind wearing them but they do get kind of hot when the studio lights are on when they have cameras in the studio. Howard said he wants to get Gary some cool outfits that he can wear to cover up. He was talking about a Star Wars Stormtrooper outfit and a Darth Vader mask among other things. They also remembered the days when they did the WWOR TV show and how one guy created a mask for Gary that would keep his teeth moist.
A caller asked Howard to give out all of the fat guys on the show breast sizes since Ronnie is getting fat. Benjy was also on the list with Sal, Richard and Artie. Double A called in and asked Howard about Beth O going to Pittsburgh this weekend and wondered if she's afraid of the interview he's doing with her next week. Double A wasn't sure what time he was supposed to be going on next week so Howard said he's going to work on it. Double A said he has a meeting with Tim Sabean to talk about the interview. Artie said that he saw Tim yesterday and he was very busy with stuff over there. Howard said Tim has been going nuts and hasn't gone home since he started over there on Monday. Artie said he also saw Mel Karmazin over there but didn't go up to him and say anything because he's afraid that Mel thinks that he's just a boob. Howard said he heard that Mel is very happy with the Howard 100 News that they've been doing and want them to pour all of their resources into that department.
Howard said that Double A's interview show should be the biggest train wreck yet but Double A doesn't think that will happen. Howard said that the Wendy thing was the biggest one so far but Double A's interview should be even worse. Double A said he'll keep the interview moving and will be asking Beth all kinds of questions. Howard is giving him full control over the questions so he can ask Beth anything.
Howard said they're trying to get a funny phone number for the new show. They want to get an 800 number using curse words or something like Bukkake or BABA BOOEY. Howard saw some numbers on the list but didn't want to say what they were because someone will steal them. He pointed out some of the numbers to Gary and asked him to check into them to see if they're available.
Howard got back to the e-mail and read some of the positive comments they got about the Stevie Wonder interview from yesterday's show. Robin heard from some people that no one appreciated Artie's joke about how his girlfriend was envious of Stevie because he doesn't have to see what Artie looks like. Howard read through some of the mail and at least a couple of people said that they were getting choked up during that Stevie Wonder interview. Sal came in and said that he got upset when he heard Stevie singing ''Isn't She Lovely'' when he thought about how he felt when he first met his wife. Now it's so sad when he goes home that it made him tear up. Sal had come in the studio at one point to ask a question yesterday but Howard wouldn't let him do it because he figured it was going to be too crazy.
Howard also said that Stevie gave him his phone number and he's not sure if he'll actually call him. He said he might have to do that because he really appreciates him coming in. There were some negative e-mails about the interview and someone complained about them giving him a standing ovation when he walked in. There was a lot of great feedback about the James Woods interview. Howard read through some of that and some negative feedback about that interview as well. Howard said he got some feedback about the Jackie the Joke Man interview that Howard 100 News got. He said that he has even more to play today if they want to listen to it. Howard read more mail about Wendy's day on Howard 100 yesterday. People were enjoying her playing video games with reporter George Flowers and her chewing with her mouth open. One person said he wasn't able to turn back to Howard's radio show from the Wendy the Retard show.
Howard said the best letter of the day was about how Infinity won't give Howard the tapes of his show and how Tom told Howard he shouldn't have made the deal because a contract is binding. The writer also says that Tom is the same guy who changed their sales staff's commissions and didn't think much about doing that.
Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about this guy who spent $240,000 at Scores and now the guy is claiming he didn't spend that much and isn't paying his bill. Ronnie told Howard that they're going to have about a $300,000 party tomorrow night when they're over there. Howard took a call from a guy who requested that they play some of the Stevie Wonder songs as they go to break. Howard said that they should have Scott the Engineer pull some of those clips but he'll probably complain about having too much work. That led to the guys talking about Scott's attitude and the stories he's told in the past. He once got paid for a DJ gig he did and left the cash on the roof of his car. Then there was a story about a bunch of 6 year olds beating him up at a gig he did. Scott came in and told Howard he could pull those Stevie Wonder bits ''right away.'' Howard and Fred goofed on him relentlessly for a couple of minutes after that. Ronnie said that Scott says he's coming to the Scores party tomorrow but he doesn't believe it. He said if Scott does show up, he'll probably sit in the restaurant the whole time.
Ronnie told some stories about how great Lonnie Hanover is over at Scores. He always introduces guys as if they were huge producers and stuff like that and even changes their names when he introduces them to the girls. Howard suggested that they introduce Scott as the guy who played Uncle Fester from the Addams Family TV show. Ronnie was also saying that Scott was kind of upset about something out in the hall and wouldn't come back in. Scott came in a few minutes later and told Howard he wasn't upset, he was busy doing the stuff that he asked him to do earlier. Howard told him he might want to shave that grey beard of his because he looks like the President of Afghanistan. Then he said that Lonnie should introduce him as that guy when he shows up. Ronnie said they could have a couple of guys sitting next to him in suits as his body guards. They had to take a break after goofing on Scott for a few more minutes. Howard said they need a reporter there just to report on what Scott does at the party tomorrow night. He went to break right after that.
Howard said that he's going to be doing a big publicity tour over the next couple of months and one interviewer wanted to walk him through Roosevelt, Long Island where he grew up. Howard said he had to tell them that he's not sure he could handle doing that. He actually got a little teary eyed as he remembered his childhood because he had some bad times there. Robin said that if Howard breaks down crying on some interview show, there's no going back because they'll play it no matter what.
A listener called in and asked Howard why he's waiting to put Bubba the Love Sponge on his Howard 100 channel. Howard said that Bubba will be doing his show on his channel once he moves there in January. The channels are just testing stuff right now and they're just filling up time with that stuff right now. Howard had a newscast from Howard 100 where they talk about the Angry Black and King of All Blacks showdown that's going down next week. He played the audio from that where Angry Black and King of all Blacks go at each other. The reporters treat this stuff as legitimate news stories since they're just reporting on everything Howard Stern. Angry Black and King of All Blacks end up yelling at each other and try to out do each other with their vehicles and houses among other things. Angry wouldn't let King get in a word and King wouldn't let Angry talk without trying to talk over him. Howard isn't sure it would be a good idea to let the two of them do a show together because it turns into a ''wall of noise'' when they're yelling at each other. Howard thinks that it's going to be another train wreck of a radio show when they're on.
Howard changed subjects and read in the National Examiner that Whitney Houston's teeth were falling out due to the use of crystal meth. Howard said he doesn't know if it's true or not but it was an interesting story anyway. He then played an audio clip from an old movie that was played for children in school where they talk about homosexuals as if they had some kind of disease that caused the homosexuality. Artie liked that they used the name Ralph in the clip.
Howard had Sour Shoes the one man band on the phone. He was doing his Billy Joel impression and playing one of his songs with lyrics about Howard. Howard made some requests for him to play some Billy Joel songs and Sour Shoes would go right into them. Sour Shoes even knows what year all of those songs came out so he introduces them as if he were a DJ introducing the song. Howard said that Sour Shoes is the real ''Jack FM'' because he's like a human iPod. Howard suggested that they stick Sour Shoes in the Howard 100 studio and let people make requests for a half hour. Artie wanted to call it Jack-Off FM. Gary said that he and Sour Shoes do a thing almost every Friday where Sour Shoes quizzes him on songs. The guys were trying to stump Sour Shoes with some obscure songs but the guy knows his stuff.
Howard was burned out on the stuff after just a few minutes. Gary said that they can give him some time at Howard 100 next Wednesday night but Howard was kind of bored with him already. Gary said they really should just give him the time since there's nothing else going on over there anyway. Howard hung up on Sour Shoes a short time later. The guys found that they don't like any version of Jack, whether it's Jack FM or Jack-Off FM. Howard had to take a break anyway.
Howard moved on to Mike Walker who was waiting to play his gossip game. They ended up playing a bunch of Mike Walker sound clips and a prank call they made to a gay phone sex line using Mike's voice. After that Howard brought up the story that Mike did on the show last week about Vitello's restaurant being owned by Robert Blake. That's the restaurant where Blake's wife was killed in front of. Howard said he got a letter from a lawyer that requested that they do a retraction on that story because it wasn't true. Mike said that he was going to go head to head with this guy Matt Epstein who claims that he owns the restaurant. He's going to do a live show on his KABC show live from the booth where Blake sat the night his wife Bonnie Lee Bakely was killed. Mike isn't making any retractions and he's waiting 2 weeks to get the story out there on his KABC show. Howard just wanted to be left out of it all. Mike said that Howard has nothing to do with the story that he read on the air last week but he wasn't retracting it.
Howard moved on to Mike's game so here's how it goes... week after week, year after year... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard had Robin start her news after that. During the news Ralph called in with some suggestions for the Fred show and Howard asked him if he thinks that he could really do something to help them out with the Fred show each week. Fred said he could do that but no one believes that Ralph is motivated enough to pull something like that together. Vinnie Favale called in a short time later and told Howard to be really careful with Ralph. He told a story about what happened when he had a meeting with him last week. He made a list of stuff to help Ralph out with the SuperTwink movie he's helping JD out with and he hasn't even opened the e-mail he sent yet. Ralph asked Howard about all of the stuff that he never finishes like movies and TV shows that he talks about. Howard said that he's still got some of that stuff in the works and some of them haven't been picked up by networks or movie studios. They went through all of that stuff and it sounds like Ralph and Vinnie are no longer on speaking terms. Vinnie said he's done helping Ralph and Ralph said that he's not talking to Vinnie anymore.
The guys were getting all wound up and ready for tomorrow's Scores party. Artie was so distracted by that it seemed as if he couldn't think of anything but the party toward the end of the show. They ended it around 10:35am.