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Howard started off the show talking about how great the weather was this past weekend there in New York. He said these summer days make him not want to be there. He said he was ready to play hookey today with the great weather there. It was stupid not to just call in and take a day off.
Howard went on to read about how the hookers in New York City are getting ready for the upcoming Republican National Convention because they're expecting record numbers. He read an article in the Daily News about how they're flying in girls from all over the globe to help cover the number of people who are going to be calling for hookers. Howard finds it funny how they're trying to throw him off the air while they're coming into town for the biggest illegal sex weekend ever. Lonnie from Scores was quoted in there as well and they're expecting a lot of guys to show up that weekend as well.
A woman called in and said she went to see ''Fahrenheit 9/11'' last night and she loved it. She said the theater was packed and she's going to try and get all of her friends to go see it. Howard said he was surprised to see how well it did over the weekend. He knows it will probably get overshadowed by Spider-Man soon but it did good this weekend.
Another caller told Howard that when he gets kicked off the air he should become a political talk show host and go on and challenge Rush Limbaugh and people like him. Howard said his career isn't like that and he wouldn't go and do that kind of stuff. He's only been doing the political stuff because of what's going on with the government and his show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he went to see ''Fahrenheit 9/11'' down in Florida and the theater didn't have air conditioning. He said it kept some people out of the theater. That led to Howard playing a promo from Michael Moore where he talks about how we probably won't have Howard on the air much longer and it's obvious that people want Howard on the air and we have to get rid of Bush.
A listener told Howard that he heard a dump button hit about 60 seconds into the show. He told Howard that Artie made a mention of Senator Brownback getting oral from a dude and it was dumped in Philadelphia. Gary said it wasn't dumped there in New York but a few people from Philly were calling in to complain. Howard was flipping out saying he wants out of the business because of crap like that. He wonders how many people they need hitting delay buttons on his shows. Artie said he didn't say that the guy did get oral, he just said he was hoping that he would get oral from a dude.
Howard was ready to go home after that. He said it's a waste of time for him to be there when they have guys like that bleeping his show. Gary came in and said that he called the Philly station and they told him that they're having some technical problems and they didn't hit the delay. Howard feels that the guy is lying and the some listeners are saying the same thing. Howard wanted to talk to the board operator himself but Gary said the guy isn't into that. Howard got pissed and said that it's ridiculous that they have a board operator hitting the dump button on him.
Howard said he really wants to just start talking about the head of his company to the point that he gets fired. He said he's really depressed about everything that's going on and he's sick of the whole company and their way of thinking. He gets pissed when he sees the low ceiling in the studio that he's been complaining about for years. Howard said he wants to change the dummies he works for and get out of that place. He wants them to fire him so he can get out of there already. He can't just leave because he's under contract. That led to Howard talking about how contracts don't seem to mean anything these days though because he had one with Clear Channel and they ended up screwing him when they fired him. Now they're suing him for breach of contract when they were the ones who fired him.
Howard continued to complain about all of the stuff that goes on there at the station and how sick of it all he is. He was complaining about the ugly, blue couch in the studio and the purple wall. He was bitching about the ''Howard Stern'' sign in the studio that didn't need to be there. He wanted to get a knife so he could cut up the couch. It's the most uncomfortable couch in show business according to Howard. He's also sick of the microphone's not working correctly and not being able to hear people talk.
More callers were saying that other markets were hitting the dump button. A guy from Baltimore was saying that they dumped out during the Clear Channel discussion but Howard wasn't sure if that was the case. Howard was pissed that Tom Chiusano wasn't looking into the Philly thing more and finding out what happened.
Howard told Gary he wants to know what went on in Philly. Gary told him that he's got calls into Tim Sabien down there but he's at the gym this morning. Howard ended up getting pissed and wanted to know what gym he's at so he can call him there and ask him what's being done to his show.
A woman called in and got the discussion back to ''Fahrenheit 9/11.'' She said after seeing the movie she got really paranoid. Howard said that the movie is scary because it's so real and you see what the President is up to while in office. Howard spent a couple of minutes on that and then took a call from High Pitch Erik who was flushing the toilet. Erik got on the line and said that he saw Jackie the Joke Man doing a show. He said that about 50 people showed up and Jackie has gained a lot of weight. Howard had to hang up on him because he had Tim Sabien on the line.
Howard spoke to Tim Sabien, the program director from WYSP in Philly, about what he was doing at the gym while his show was being chopped up. Tim told Howard that he works out every morning at 5:30. Howard said the guy is a big guy so he must eat like a pig after working out. Tim said that he's 6' tall and weighs 240 pounds. Howard spent a minute on that and then asked Tim to look into what's going on with the board op down at WYSP this morning. Howard told him how the dump was hit on them so Tim said he'd have to look into it. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Tim about his workout and how he's still huge. He let him go a minute after that and then got pissed that he had notes on his computer reminding him that he had to take a commercial break.
Howard got pissed that Tom was sending him messages over the computer because he had nothing to do with getting the computers in the studio. Howard had to buy half of them himself. He was still freaking out as he cut to commercial break.
Howard was watching the Munsters marathon that TV Land had this weekend. He said he saw his favorite episode and thought that the show was his favorite of all time.
Tim Sabien called back in and told Howard that the board op did hit the button on the show this morning. He got nervous in the heat of the conversation and hit the button. Howard wondered what this board operator's credentials are. He found out that the guy has been on the air down there. Howard wanted to know who this guy has spoken to and how he knows what to hit the button on. Tim told Howard that he's spoken to the lawyers about that stuff but Howard didn't want to hear that. He was flipping out on him telling him to get to work and get out of the gym. Howard told him he's sick of that stuff.
Howard told Tim he doesn't want another guy hitting the button on his show. He said they have to get their act together because it's a big f'n joke. He told Tim that he should put an exercise machine next to this board op and baby sit him to make sure he doesn't hit the button on stuff that he doesn't need to. Howard let Tim go a few minutes later after yelling at him for a short time.
TrimSpa.com still didn't have the audio up for the ''Get John's Job'' contest so he pointed out that Tom Chiusano wasn't upset about that either. Howard and Robin were goofing on Tom about some of the wacky things he does. They brought up how he goes out to Montana and catches fish just to toss them back in the water. Tom came in a short time later so Howard was goofing on him even more. Tom told Howard that the audio files should be up on TrimSpa.com within the hour. Howard knows it won't happen that quick.
Tom started to tell Howard about his vacation last week and how he saw a beaver out there the size of a golden retriever. Howard told him he can't sit through his stories and he should tell them to Robin instead. She can put up with them while he can't. Howard said catching fish and releasing them is like having sex without finishing. Tom said it's really not like that. Tom said he was out on the lake for 8 hours fishing. Howard said he could only take about an hour of that at the most. Tom mentioned seeing an eagle's nest and how beautiful it was. Howard laughed when he heard that. Robin goofed on him after Tom said he only saw the nest and not even the eagle itself.
Dominic Barbara was supposed to be on the phone but when Howard picked up he wasn't there. He got pissed at him about that and went off on him for a minute. Dominic said there was a special on the FOX news network last night about the most indecent shows on TV. ''South Park'' came up number 1 and every kid out there is watching it. Howard said everyone knows the hypocrisy in all of that already. He hung up on Dominic and said he had to take a break. Fred goofed on Tom for a little longer before they actually went to commercial.
Howard said there was a great article in the NY Times over the weekend where they analyzed Howard's listeners and found that there are not only republicans but also born-again Christians listening to the show and they may just hear what Howard is saying and vote Bush out. Howard cut off the conversation because he was bored with it. He hung up on the woman and took another call.
A guy called in and told Howard how bad Jay Leno is these days when he interviews people. Howard talked about how bland Leno is and how horrible his interviews are. It's a ''bore fest'' according to Howard. He said he's gotten into reading books because there's nothing good on TV these days.
Howard took a bunch of other calls after that from people who went out to see ''Fahrenheit 9/11.'' One guy gave Howard an F***, Marry, Kill game to play. He gave Howard three names, Condoleeza Rice, Hilary Clinton and Chelsea Clinton. Howard said he'd probably have to kill himself over that. He said something about marrying Hillary.
Howard played a phony phone call that Joey Boots did to FOX and Friends. After Boots mentioned Howard's name all of the people on the show were talking over one another so you couldn't understand what any of them were saying. Captain Janks(CaptainJanks.tk) made a prank call as well so Howard played that. Janks asked a General if he would bang Howard Stern. They cut him off and took a call from London instead.
Howard had tape from the Ryan Seacrest TV show where Avril Lavigne said the S-word more than three times. The word made it out over the air at least one time. Howard said that if it was his show, he'd be fined. Seacrest's show is watched by teens and that's who the government is trying to protect but they won't do a thing about it.
Howard had tape from another FOX show where these guys were talking about how the FCC should let politically based shows get away with more language than comedy based shows. This guy Dick Morris wasn't making any sense. They were comparing Howard to everyone else out there and it just doesn't make sense. Howard said that it's all about him and he's the one taking fall for everything else. Everyone is saying that the indecency crackdown is coming because of the Janet Jackson Super Bowl thing but there are no fines for that.
This guy Sgt. Keith Manning, who has been on the show before, called in to talk to Howard about these forms that soldiers were asked to fill out to pray for President Bush. Howard asked Keith when he's supposed to go over to Iraq. He said that he's got to fill out a bunch of forms before he goes over. Howard told the guy that they're going to pray for him when he goes over. He doesn't have to pray for Bush like they're asking. Keith said that he'll let them know when he's supposed to go over there. Howard said he's a good guy. Artie liked his catch phrase of ''Done'' that they enjoyed the day he sat in during the news.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the E! show uncensored DVD. Howard said they're still working on it and he should have an announcement about it in about a month. The caller also said that Clear Channel has people on the air doing the same kind of material that Howard is doing but they're not getting in trouble for it like Howard is. That led to Howard talking about how ridiculous that is and how them paying the FCC millions of dollars has gotten them a pass on that stuff for some reason.
Howard told the caller that he has a very big announcement on either Wednesday or Thursday of this week. He couldn't give more details than that at this point though.
Howard played John the Stutterer's audio clip from TrimSpa.com after Chaunce's. Each clip was pretty long and you should be able to check them out on the Trim Spa web site. John wanted to be taken out of the contest because he doesn't think he can handle it. Gary told Howard that John's doctor doesn't think he can handle the stress being in the same room with Yucko the Clown (DamnShow.com) when they all come in on Thursday. That led to Howard playing Yucko's audio recap. Howard and the guys were getting some laughs out of that clip. Robin said she thought she knew who to vote for but now she was confused. Yucko was good, Chaunce was good, John the Stutterer was good... it's a tough vote.
Howard played Sal the Stockbroker's (HorseToothJackass.com) audio recap after that. Sal had a great week as well. Everyone was laughing at a lot of the songs that Sal created for the show.
There were a bunch of other entries in the ''Get John's Job'' contest. Howard played Richard Christy's clip where they play a bunch of his song parodies and stuff. Robin said that she can't decide who to vote for because everyone was so good. Howard said he hasn't played everyone's clips but he will get to them all. He played Cabbie's audio recap before going to commercial break. Cabbie had some good stuff during his week that they pointed out in the recap.
Howard said that all of the contestants will be in on Thursday to find out who won the contest. He took a couple of phone calls after that. One guy suggested that Howard give 5 guys one day a week on the show instead of just one winner. Howard said that the winner actually gets a 3 month job there on the show. There are a few people that Howard said he would hire himself if he could.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up President Bush and how he managed to get into office in the last election. Howard didn't vote for Bush but once the guy was in office he said that he was going to back him and let him show us what he could do. Ever since then it's been a disaster. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then had to take a commercial break.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a born again Christian and is a listener of his. Howard said that's what surprised him about the article he read in the NY Times over the weekend. There are many people who listen to the show who are republicans and/or born-again Christians.
Howard said that he's having a meeting today about his web site bulletin board. That should be ready soon and they have to talk about who gets what name on the board. Howard read through some e-mail they've gotten lately about the show. Some people complained about Ralph sitting in during Michael Moore's interview last week. There were people complaining about Chaunce Hayden being the Whining bitch that Howard called him last week. Other people complained about Debbie Schlussel calling in and complaining about Michael Moore's movie and stuff like that last week.
One person wrote in and said that when he played Vinnie Favale's ''Restless, Restless'' song his dog started howling. Other people wrote in about Jillian, the 18 year old, who was evaluated for Playboy. Some people think her body is kick ass but her face isn't all that great.
Howard mentioned ''Fahrenheit 9/11'' did almost $22 million at the box office over the weekend. He was very happy to see that. Howard went on to talk about the new indecency fines that could be brought against radio broadcasters. The fines could be up to $500,000. Howard read some article about other fines and what people have to pay for stuff like...
A guy called in with some information about Tommy Chong and why he thinks he was sent to jail. He was trying to explain his theory to Howard but Howard zoned out and ended up hanging up on the guy.
Howard played an audio clip from some porn movie where a woman was choking on something and making a very strange noise. He said if he showed the tape to Robin she'd throw up. Robin said she was ready to throw up just hearing the tape. Howard said that one person was female and the other was male in the video. Robin said she had an idea of what was going on in the clip but didn't say what it was. Howard joked that it was two guys fishing out in Montana (referring to Tom's trip out there).
Howard went on to talk about Tom's trip to Montana and how his story was a description for hell in his life. Eight hours of fishing and throwing the fish back after catching them. He doesn't get why you'd catch fish and throw them back like that.
Cabbie called in and interrupted that conversation by saying that the voting for ''Get John's Job'' is crap. He said that you can stack the votes because you can keep voting. Howard said that it looks like you can vote over and over but only one is counted from each person. He and Robin kept saying that they were doing that per e-mail but you don't give an e-mail address. They must be counting per IP address. Howard said that Cabbie was e-mailing him and complaining that he can't win because people will think that the vote was fixed if he wins because he used to do commercials for Trim Spa.
Cabbie thinks that he can garner more votes that others because he has a radio show. Howard said that other guys have people they can get to vote for them as well and he doesn't think that will be an issue.
Howard got back to the porn audio clip where this woman was being choked by something. Howard said the woman looked lifeless after the session. Robin said she did a story a few weeks ago about a guy who did a chicken and that's what this sounds like to her. That led to Howard bringing up the Gay Pride Parade that went on in the city yesterday. He joked that Ralph and KC were voted King and Queen of the parade.
Howard was handed a new prank call that Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) made to Gary the Retard using Gary the Retard audio clips. He played the call and Sal tried to convince Gary that another guy was claiming to be him... and played clips of him creating a conversation between Gary the Retard and Gary the Retard. The real retard didn't know that it was his own voice. Gary was arguing with himself for a couple of minutes until he told himself to stop pretending to be him and hung up.
A listener called in and asked if satellite radio companies will be able to supply his fans with radios. Howard said that from what he's heard, the satellite companies are ready to tool up and get them out to people when that day comes. Howard said they're all set to go and people don't have to run out and buy anything yet. Howard said if he ever gets on satellite radio, his fans will know what that porn audio clip was that he was playing earlier. He thinks that being on satellite radio will be really big for him and he'll crush regular radio.
Howard had another audio recap from the ''Get John's Job'' thing on TrimSpa.com. He had Bob Levy, Dan the Song Parody Man, Joey Boots and Shuli left to play. Robin chose to hear Joey Boots audio recap first. Howard played that one and reminded everyone of what Joey did when he was trying out for Stuttering John's job.
Dan the Song Parody Man's (SongParodyMan.com) audio recap was next. Howard had that one cued up so even though Robin wanted to hear Shuli, she got that one. Dan had quite a week's worth of stuff going on during that first week of the contest.
Robin didn't want to say who she was voting for because it might influence the votes. Howard changed subjects and said that he went out and kayaked over the weekend. The guys were surprised to hear that but Howard said it was just in regular water, it wasn't in rough waters anywhere. He also talked about going out to dinner at Bobby Vans on Saturday night. Howard said they have great fish there. Artie said that they have great steak there too. Howard's father was there so that led to him talking about how uptight his father is when they go to restaurants. He remembered back when he was growing up and how they'd have a set way of placing their order. Howard would end up getting the same thing as his father just so it wouldn't cause problems.
Howard said that his father would order his salad and then his meal. Howard would just say he'd have the same thing. Then his mother would ask if there were specials while his father fumed and corrected her about how she was ordering. Howard said she'd order 2 appetizers and his father would get pissed and tell the waiter that she was actually having 1 appetizer and the other one was her meal. He said that there would be a huge discussion after the order was placed about how they're supposed to place their order.
Howard and his family would go to this Vibrox place where they served Kentucky Fried Chicken before it was a chain. His father was going to invest in the company when they went public but his mother convinced him not to do that. If he had invested, he'd probably be rich today. Howard brought up how his father enjoyed halibut so much when he was growing up. Then he was at his nieces's wedding last weekend and they had ''Hollywood Halibut.'' Howard thought about it for a while and figured the guy may have been saying ''how would you like halibut'' or something. He said his father heard that they had halibut and just had to have it. Howard doesn't think that he'd know the difference between halibut and anything else.
This all led to the guys talking about fish that will kill you because they have mercury in them. Artie said that he's seen guys catch fish in the Hudson river and eat it out of there. He said that he's seen them catch fish in the river, take it to a restaurant and have it cooked locally.
Howard went to a party on Saturday night at Caroline Hirsh's (Caroline's Comedy Club) house. He said that he saw some cool people there but he had to scout the room to find people who might be a problem. He saw Joy Behar there but wasn't sure if she likes him. Gary and Artie said that they think she does like him. He did shake her hand but he really didn't have a lot to say to her. He also shook Jeff Zuker's hand but didn't have anything to say to him either.
Howard said he was told that Kelsey Grammar and his wife Camille were there at the party so he got worried about that. He wasn't sure if they were still mad at him over the Irritable Bowel Syndrome thing. He said he thought about it even more and remembered that they had Kelsey Grammar's daughter on the show and she bad mouthed him. Kelsey disowned her after that so he didn't bother going over to say hello to them.
Ralph called in and said he should go to dinner with Howard's father because his head would explode if he went. Howard said his father would shoot Ralph if he went to dinner because he is such a pain in the ass when ordering. Another caller asked Howard if he ever regrets not having more kids. Howard said 3 was enough for him and he has no energy for more kids at his age.
Artie suggested that he adopt an older kid... like a 36 year old with a drinking problem. Howard said he doesn't need that either. He went on to talk about how great his kids have been but there was a lot of responsibility with them. He said that he ended up yelling at Beth the other day about having kids because people have no idea how tough it is. Howard says he would never have more kids. He doesn't want to lose Beth but if she wants to have kids, they're not going to be his. He said that he went out with a woman after his divorce and after she introduced him to her kid, he was out of there. He said there are some hot chicks he'd think about dating like Jenny McCarthy and Brooke Burns but they have kids and he'd run for the hills. He talked about the woman he dated and how freaked out he got when her kid started to take video tapes out in his apartment. It's too much for him. Robin is never going to have kids either and Howard complimented her for being the most selfish person he knows.
Howard and the guys talked about going out on boats. Howard hates going out on boats and talked about his horrible experience with Dominic Barbara a couple of years back. After telling that story Howard had to take another commercial break. They hadn't even started the news yet and it was almost ten o'clock.
Artie told a story about an article he read about this guy Graham Norton who has also borrowed some bits from Howard. He said that he read an article about the guy where the reporter said that Norton isn't ''mean or dirty in the Howard Stern way'' which pissed Artie off. Howard said that's the reporter writing that stuff though and it's not Graham Norton saying it. Artie sounded like he was pissed that the guy uses Howard's bits and then takes credit for being funny after using those bits. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard asked everyone how they were doing first thing this morning... everyone but Benjy that is. Artie told Howard that Benjy was getting read to eat his strawberries, mustard and turkey. Quite a combo. Howard then went on to talk about a TV show he watched about the origins of the N-word. He said he was interested in finding out about that and other curse words. He talked about where WOP came from and how it got attached to Italians. It stood for WithOutPapers. Howard also mentioned Kraut which came from sour kraut. He and the guys talked about some of the other curse words and their meanings. Artie heard that the F-word stood for ''Fornication Under Consent of the King'' or something like that. Howard said Mick for the Irish came from the 'Mc' at the beginning of a lot of their last names.
Howard said there are a lot of those out there but the N-word had a whole TV show about it. He played a clip from a guy talking about where the word may have come from and how it started out as the latin word for black which is 'niger.' The show is airing on July 4th on the Trio network if you haven't seen it. Artie seems to think that it's a repeat.
In one of the clips the guy being interviewed talks about terms with the N-word in them and what they mean. He talks about the meanings of ''nig*er jockey,'' ''nig*ery,'' ''nig*erize,'' ''nig*er Corner,'' ''nig*er Stick,'' ''nig*er Heaven,'' and ''nig*er Rich.'' Howard and Artie had guesses for what the words meant before the guy described them. Artie wondered if the special was 2 hours long like he thought it was. Howard wasn't really sure himself.
A listener called in with some more terms with the N-word included. A few other callers got in on the discussion and added to the derogatory terms for other races as well.
Shuli called in and told Howard that the whole N-word bit has been cut out in Las Vegas. Shuli said that the show was not on at that point and they were playing music. He turned up his radio so Howard could hear Metallica playing instead of this N-word bit. Howard said that the bit was from Trio, it was on TV. Gary came in a minute later and said that some stations have vague rules about this stuff and it's being misinterpreted. Howard said that he's not making fun of black people, he's just playing tape from that TV show. He's really sick of all of this stuff and wants to get out off the radio.
Shuli told Howard that he was back on a few minutes later. Gary got their board operator from Vegas on the line shortly after that. The guy, Hambone, said that the management at the station does not allow the use of the N-word and he has to cut out the N-word. Howard told the guy that he's not supposed to put music on over his show and he's out of control. Howard wanted to know who is in charge of telling him what to cut out of the show. He wanted names so he could call them next. The guy was very hesitant to give out names. He finally gave out the name of the Program Director out there, Dave Wellington. Then he said that the upper management, Marty Bash, was the one who passed down that rule to his PD.
Howard told Hambone to leave his show alone and let Dead Air Dave and Tom Chiusano take care of the dump button. He also wondered why there are separate rules in Las Vegas than there are for the station in New York. They're both owned by the same company. Howard asked Hambone what other words are included in that list. Hambone said that the N-word is at the top of the list. Kike and Guinea are not on that list. Hambone basically said that the N-word was the only one on the list. He said that it's a rule from upper management and he was just following the rules.
If Daniel Carver from the KKK is on the show, Hambone said he has to hit the dump button if he uses the N-word. Howard was pissed and wanted to talk to the ''upper management'' that Hambone was talking about. Another caller told Howard that Hambone has his own show out there and he's horrible. Artie said that this whole thing is unbelievable.
A caller said that people have to stop calling in and telling him about the dump button getting hit because it ruins the bit. Howard said he has to take care of something like that. The guy said ''Who cares about Las Vegas?'' Artie pointed out that this is someone in Las Vegas cutting out the N-word, it's ridiculous. Howard went off on this guy Marty Bash who Hambone told him about.
Howard found out that Hambone is only 22 years old... and he's the one in charge of hitting the dump button on his show out there. He asked Hambone why he played Metallica. Hambone said that it was a music bed they have and it was in the computer so that's what he went to. Howard wondered what he's going to do next when he goes back to the N-word tape. He suggested that they not go back to that tape. Gary came back in and said that he's left messages for Marty Bash and Dave Wellington on their cell phones but he doesn't have their home numbers. Gary knows that Hambone has their numbers so Howard put him on hold and let Gary get those numbers.
Howard talked about how he was up late last night talking to people about his show and how it's falling apart with this George W. Bush in office. Robin said she can't believe that all of this is going on at this point in time. Howard mentioned he has a press conference coming up tomorrow but he's still not saying what it involves yet.
Gary came in and said that Hambone wouldn't give him the number. He called Dave Wellington and then Dave was going to contact Marty who would then call them back. Gary said they had a similar rule in Chicago but when he spoke to them over there they changed the rule. Howard said that the guy who called in and said it ruined the bit was right. The bit gets ruined when they interrupt it to talk about how it's being censored in Las Vegas. Howard had to take a break and he said he'd get back to the clips after the commercials.
Howard said the head of the radio division sent out a memo about the language they can use on the air and that's what these guys are misinterpreting. Howard said he wants one guy on the button there in New York hitting the button while everyone else leaves it alone. Howard flipped out on him and said that no one else misinterpreted the memo out of the 30 stations that got it. He said that this will all be taken care of and he's not blaming Marty for what happened. He blames this guy Steve Lehrman. Howard said that the next memo is going to be from him saying that he's leaving. He can't take it anymore and he wants out.
Howard is pissed that they have 22 year old kids hitting the button on his show. He said that if Hambone loses his job he's going to walk out himself. That 22 year old kid shouldn't even be in that position and he doesn't want him to lose his job. He was just following the ridiculous rules that they have over there at the Vegas station. Howard told Marty he could get him fired as well if he had to. He told him not to cross him because he will get him fired.
Howard explained to Marty what is really going on with this N-word thing. He said that he's going to take care of everything and he's sorry for yelling at Marty because it really isn't his fault. Robin said she feels bad for Hambone because he probably has soiled panties right now. Howard said he wants the station to give Hambone a raise because he follows orders. He said he'll probably be the Program Director in Philadelphia in two weeks anyway.
Howard got sidetracked and played some tape of American Idol's Diana Degarmo performing on some show. She was horrible according to both Howard and Robin.
Cabbie called in and asked Howard who he voted for. Howard said he did vote this morning. He wasn't sure if he should tell people who he voted for though. Robin said that he shouldn't tell people because he really could swing the vote. Howard said he put a lot of thought into his vote and who he would like to be around there every morning. That led to the guys talking about Ronnie the Limo Driver and the tight shirts he wears to the station. Howard said you can see his love handles and something under the shirt that he thinks might be a gun. Ronnie came in a minute later and said that it's his phone.
Howard had Ronnie take off his jacket so Robin could see the view from the back. Howard told him that he can see his love handles from behind. Ronnie doesn't think he has love handles and he sounded really irritated by everything. Robin and Howard goofed on Ronnie about the phone and how he was wearing it on his belt. Ronnie said that it looks dumb in his pocket and he thinks it's better on his belt. Howard kept goofing on his love handles for a couple of minutes.
Howard has been monitoring the vote for the ''Get John's Job'' thing. Ronnie said that Cabbie has a guy who is covering for him at the station and he's campaigning for Cabbie because he thinks he could get his job if Cabbie gets John's job. Ronnie and Cabbie went at each other about a bunch of things. Cabbie was telling him to just go sit in his chair in the hall. Ronnie said he's his friend when he comes in every morning but now he's turning his back on him.
Artie said that Ronnie looks like he's smuggling something under that tight shirt of his. He said it looks like aluminum siding or something. Howard said that there are a couple of people who could grab the ''Get John's Job'' thing. The votes are pretty close so far. He said one person has been in the lead from the start but there's another one right behind. Then there's a third place who could come from behind and take the win. Cabbie was still asking for votes as he was getting off the phone. Howard went to break a short time later.
Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) called Gary the Retard and had clips of Gary the Retard talking to Gary the Retard. Howard played the tape yesterday and replayed it today. Gary ends up arguing with himself since he doesn't realize that it's tapes of his own voice.
Howard moved on after that and said that he saw that ''Spider-Man 2'' is getting good reviews. He said he doesn't want to read the reviews yet because he doesn't want it ruined for him.
Someone took a Dave Matthews song, ''Crash,'' and made a mash-up of it with a rap song. Howard isn't that impressed with that stuff though. He said the song is making it's rounds on the internet. He said there are guys like Matthews who all sound the same. John Mayer and another guy that Howard mentioned all sound the same to him. Robin doesn't think that Mayer sounds like Matthews though. Howard mentioned Ryan Adams and some other guy that sounds like Matthews. They spent a couple of minutes goofing on Matthews. Artie said that a lot of chicks like that Dave Matthews guy.
Howard got back to the ''Spider-Man'' discussion. He said he's seeing the movie today and he's hoping to see it like 50 times. He said he's going to go to the theater like 50 times and then he's going to get the DVD when it comes out and watch that like a mental patient as well.
Howard said they have Mark Wahlberg coming in later in the week. Howard's girlfriend Beth will also be in to promote her FHM magazine layout. Howard went on to talk about Mark Wahlberg's girlfriend Rhea Durham and how hot she is. He said that he saw her out one night and she ended up going to Scores to meet him there. She didn't hang around much and he never got her number. The next thing he knew, Mark Wahlberg was banging her.
Howard said that his girlfriend Beth is all over the paper today. He said that they were out in the Hamptons this weekend and someone followed her around and wrote about what she bought at the store she went shopping at. Howard had gone kayaking and when he came back he had to go pick her up in the Hamptons. Howard read the article where they talk about her shopping spree. They said that Howard was waiting in the car for her while she was shopping. They described everything she purchased and Howard thought that was kind of weird.
Robin talked about a weird experience she had out there and Howard had a story of his own about going shopping for food out there one time. This woman was following him around watching the food he was buying and wanted to take a picture of him. It wouldn't be news anywhere else, just in The Hamptons. It's kind of creepy and Howard said he's thinking about not going out there anymore.
Eric asked Howard when they're going to be invited out to the Hamtons to visit. Howard didn't even respond. Benjy asked if she was saying that Cantor Fitzgerald heard her on the show and actually wrote her a letter. Eleanor said that she has a letter from them and she would read it if they wanted. Gary came in and said they got a call from Cantor Fitzgerald and a few other organizations who wanted to talk to her about the stuff they talked about when they were on the show a while back. Robin asked them to fax over the letter so they could read it. They're very interested in seeing what they had to say to her. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
Howard had a bunch of other things to get to. They have Jim Florentine (JimFlorentine.com) coming in later and he has a new Terrorizing Telemarketers CD out now. Howard played one of his new calls and said he loves those things. In the call he played Jim and his friend Don Jamieson (DonJamieson.com) jerk the guy around. Don keeps picking up the phone asking Jim if he's still on the phone every few seconds. The telemarketer never gets out a complete sentence without Don interrupting. Howard and the guys loved the call. Jim is amazing when he jerks those people around.
Howard asked Simon about the born again Christian thing and Simon said that wasn't exactly true. Simon went on to talk about how he has a lot of fans in states that are going to count big in the election and he thinks that he's going to have an effect on the vote. Simon also thinks that Howard has been singled out because of his political views. He thanked Howard for fighting for his rights. Howard thanked Simon for backing him and showing that his show can make a difference.
Howard said he believes that John Kerry can get the country back on track and straighten out the mess that Bush has made so far. Howard and Simon talked a little more about that stuff and then Howard wrapped up the call. He thanked Simon for having that poll done and got off the phone with him.
Gary came in and said that KC had come into some big money but then lost it on gambling. KC didn't want to get into too many details about that stuff though. KC said that he was in gambler's anonymous but there were people who were calling in with stories about that so he got out.
Howard said it's funny that the degenerate Artie was in on this intervention. KC then went on to talk about how his brother came in with his friend Scott Demo who is a filthy comedian. They wanted to go out and talk about some stuff so they took him to a bar. KC did some drinking with the guys. Artie talked about how he had a lot of money on a game this night and how he wasn't able to watch the game because he was at this intervention for KC. He said he's become good friends with KC over the years and he had to be there for him.
KC said he went to the bar and after that they went back to his apartment where everyone was waiting to talk to him. All of his friends are filthy comedians or there's just something wrong with them. His mother was there in the middle of all of them. Artie got there while KC was out as well so everyone was asking for his advice since he'd been part of a few of them himself. Artie said he told them that at every intervention he's been to the person looks like they're ready to die. Meanwhile, KC looks like he could be on the cover of a magazine. Artie is more of a mess than KC is. He said he told people that he would try to create confrontation with him and get KC pissed off at him instead of everyone else.
Artie said what you usually do is write a letter to the person you're intervening with but this didn't happen for KC. Artie felt that they just needed to talk to him about this stuff instead. Artie said he brought up some stuff that he thought might push KC's buttons.
KC walked in and said he immediately felt he was lied to and got upset but then realized that all of these people came in from Long Island and other places. He couldn't get upset with them. KC said that a lot of his friends are just goofy scumbags and laughed in one guy's face because he's got no business talking about that stuff.
KC said that he knew what he had to do and they didn't need to have all of those people there. KC wasn't taking any of that stuff seriously so Artie started to get pissed and really started to go off on KC. He didn't want to tell the details on the air though. Artie said that he's never seen anyone as self destructive as KC who stays in shape like that. KC said that Artie was getting in his face and yelling at him but then he'd back off and say that he might not be the best person to confront him on all of this stuff. Two weeks before KC was dragging Artie out on stage to do a comedy gig because he was so drunk.
KC is done gambling for now. He said he's done and isn't betting on anything at this point. Howard said that's good. Artie and KC continued to talk about some of the other stuff that went on in this intervention. KC said that he's not gambling but didn't say anything about his drinking. Gary came in and said that he wants to do another intervention about his tanning. He was kind of red today from being in the tanning booth. KC said that they told him he wouldn't burn but he did.
Artie said that he doesn't really gamble. He has so much money that he thinks he can afford to spend the extra money he has now. He can afford to lose $1000 on a game. Back when he only had $500 to his name and he'd bet all of it, that was gambling. Robin told him that he'd be in big trouble if he didn't have the job he has now. The show actually keeps him from being destitute.
Howard took some phone calls and then told KC that he's smart for going to meetings and stuff about his problems. KC said it wasn't anything he wasn't going to do without the intervention though so he didn't really need that. He was already trying to get his life together.
Howard interrupted and got 18 year old Jillian Grace (JillianGrace.net) on the line. Jillian was on the show last week for a Playboy evaluation and the Playboy people are going to fly her out to Chicago to do a test shoot. They're going to take some shots and send them to Hefner and see what happens from there. Howard spoke to her for a few seconds about that and let her go. He said that she wrote a paper in high school about how she wanted to be in the magazine and that led to her mother writing a letter to him about getting her an evaluation. Howard had to take a commercial break after that.
The girl wasn't ready to get naked behind the curtain they had in the studio so Howard was ready to boot them both out. The girl agreed to get naked so Howard decided to let him play. He said he really wanted to see the other chick. Howard also heard that the guy posted a classified ad on a web site yesterday trying to get someone to get naked for him. Craig said that was true but that didn't work out and this girl he had with him is a friend of the hot chick he was going to bring in. The girl who was there is a plus-size model. She said she's a size 10 but the model card she had said she was a 14. That led to Howard talking about how he doesn't buy into this plus model thing. He was going off on plus size models and that led to the woman not getting naked. She felt that Howard was abusing her and she didn't want to take her clothes off.
Howard said he wasn't bad mouthing her. He and the woman argued about the plus size thing and what that's all about. Howard said that the problem was that Craig didn't bring in the woman he said he was bringing in. The model said that it wasn't her fault though. Howard finally convinced her to get naked behind the shower curtain they have in the studio so they could drop it if Craig loses.
Ralph called in and told Howard to throw her out because this is outrageous. Howard said he was kind of looking forward to seeing her naked because she had a cute face.
Howard moved on to the game after that. He told everyone to clear their minds and get over their hostilities. Gary pointed out that Craig had very sweaty hands. Craig aid it was just today that he had them and it's not something normal for him. KC thought the guy was kind of creepy. Howard finally learned the model's name right before they started the game. Her name was Asia. KC asked her what size breasts she had. She told him it was none of his business but Howard read that she had 38-C cups. The guys also saw that Craig was wearing a wrist band. They goofed on that for a minute and then got to the first song. Here are the songs and who got them right:
Howard asked Asia why she doesn't diet and do the regular model thing. She doesn't like the extremely thin look because it's unhealthy. She also thinks she looks good the way she is and doesn't need to do that. Howard told Craig he was looking around for a prize for Craig but he didn't have anything for him. Craig was still stunned that he didn't win and he'd probably be beating himself up over it. Artie asked him to try not to touch anything on his way out since his hands were sweaty.
Howard asked Asia what she's getting from Craig for coming in. She said she's getting $200. Not bad for just getting naked for a short time on national radio. Howard let them go after that.
Howard and the guys were talking about hot chicks when Howard brought up Carmen Electra who has apparently lost a little weight. He said she looks hotter than ever. He thought about the day he got to take a shower with her out in California one time. He still swears that he didn't have sex with her out there.
Howard read some e-mail he's gotten lately. One guy in military wrote in and told Howard he is very upset about what he learned about him in ''Fahrenheit 9/11.'' The guy also thanked Howard for what he's been doing lately. A Navy Recruiter also wrote in and said that he's a republican but he's going to vote for Kerry this coming November. His father is the same way and has never voted for a Democrat but he's going to vote for Kerry.
Howard read some mail about some other stuff like Jillian Grace. One guy wrote in and thought that she was a butterface and she's not Playboy material. Howard and Artie disagree and think she is Playboy quality.
A caller told Howard that neither of those two models that were in Page Six never would have even pissed on him if he didn't do what he does for a living. Howard said that doesn't matter because he is who he is and he does what he does. The guy continued to goof on Howard about the way he walks and looks but Howard defended himself by saying ''I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you...''
Howard had a letter from a guy who told Howard how important ''catch and release'' programs are for fishing. The guy said that it allows fisherman to keep fishing without depleting the stock. Howard and Robin were saying that it's ridiculous that there are people who fish as a hobby. This was all brought up because Tom Chiusano had gone fishing out in Montana and spent 8 hours catching and releasing fish.
Howard got a lot of mail about this porn clip that he's been playing since yesterday. He played the clip a few more times and read some mail from someone who was tired of hearing it already. KC said he didn't know the name of the movie but the woman in the clip was Aurora Snow. That's all the information they had on it.
Jim told Howard a story about how he worked with actor Jon Favreau for Crank Yankers and the guy ended up walking out in the middle of a prank call they were taping for the show. Jim said that Favreau broke down and told the woman on the line that it was a prank call and he couldn't do it anymore. He spoiled the whole thing for some reason. Jim said that if Favreau was doing a rape scene in a movie he wouldn't just get up and say he couldn't do it anymore.
Howard played one of the Crank Yankers prank calls that Jim did as ''Special Ed'' where he calls a movie theater and asks about the cost of tickets and keeps saying ''Yaaay, I can bring two of my friends!'' The delay got hit in the middle of the call for some reason. After hearing that Howard said he can't imagine why John Favreau would walk out on the prank call for Crank Yankers. He gave Jim a plug for his web site and had Robin get back to her news.
During the news a guy called in and said that the name of the movie that the gagging clip they've been playing came from is called ''Gag Factor 5.'' The caller also said that when you vote over at TrimSpa.com you can vote as many times as you want. Howard has explained that only the first vote counts even if it looks like you can vote multiple times.
A telemarketing manager called in to complain about Jim's prank calls. He told Howard that telemarketing is a very important thing. Howard said that's a bunch of crap and he's been woken up by telemarketers while he's taking naps and stuff. Jim said it's like people coming in and ringing your door bell 20 times a day.
Howard played another one of Jim's ''Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 4'' calls where he jerks around a guy who is trying to send him some information about the commodities investing. Jim keeps asking him the same questions for a couple of minutes until the guy hung up on him. Howard told Jim that he's the man and gave him another plug for his web site. Robin got back to her news after that.
During the news the guys got sidetracked a little bit when Howard brought up an invitation he got to do a speech at a college over in Doublin, Ireland. The invitation didn't mention anything about flying him over there so Jim Florentine suggested that they make a prank call to them and ask them to fly him over, get him some hookers and stuff like that. He thought that would be pretty funny.
Robin suggested that people not go see the movie ''Two Brothers'' because it's so devastating. She said that the story is about these two tigers who are either being ripped away from their parents or humans beating them and she was very upset by it. Howard seemed to think she was nuts because it was just a story. She said she has no desire to see something like that though. That was toward the end of the show so Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50.
Howard started off the show talking about how he couldn't remember the name of the woman who performed the ''Bitch'' song at the start of the show. He was reminded that it was Merideth Brooks. He said that she only had one hit and it made him wonder if she made a lot of money from that one hit song. He heard that she got a little carried away with herself after that one hit song. He told a story about how she didn't want to get out of her car to walk to an appearance one time because she thought she'd be mobbed. Meanwhile hardly anyone even knew who she was.
Since they were talking about songs, Howard mentioned the Vinnie Favale ''Restless, Restless'' song contest. People are invited to send in their own versions of the song. Howard played a sample of Vinnie's original version and then Gary came in and said they sent the lyrics out to a few real bands and asked them to try to work with it. Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray tried to work with it but had no luck coming up with anything and basically told them that ''A turd, is a turd, is a turd...''
Howard had one entry that was a rap version. It kind of worked, at least compared to the original version. Artie thought it was great. Howard seemed to like it a bit. It was about as good as it gets according to Howard. Robin thought it had a lot of problems but that's going to be the case with all of them. It was actually Kidd Chris who sent in the song but Howard isn't sure that he's eligible to win because he's an Infinity employee.
Howard played another entry in the contest which wasn't horrible. The lyrics are the main issue in the whole thing. The people that are sending in entries are pretty talented and are doing some amazing things with what they have to work with. Vinnie thought both the rap version and this version were great. He's going to be going into the studio to create a version that's going to blow everyone away. Vinnie seems to think that the lyrics are great and Robin doesn't know what she's talking about when she says that the song sucks.
Vinnie told everyone how this woman broke up with him (at first he said he'd broken up with her) years ago and she wanted some time away from him. He started to tell the story but Howard cut him off and played some more entries for the contest. The next couple weren't too bad but Howard said they're not his taste. One was a techno version using a computer generated voice for the lyrics.
A listener called in and said that Vinnie seems like he's a great song writer, like Lennon and McCartney. Vinnie was still on the line and thanked the guy for the compliments. Howard continued to play a few more entries after that. Vinnie insists that the lyrics are really strong but Robin doesn't agree with that. She seems to hate them. One person used Vinnie's voice and cut it into a musical bed so it sounded like he was singing. Howard wrapped up the segment after that and said you can find the lyrics and rules on his web site HowardStern.com. He also said that it's sponsored by Hemorrelief which led to Vinnie talking about how he's used that and how his wife used to help him out with his hemorrhoids in the past.
Robin said she can't wait to hear the results of the contest. Howard took a call from Bobo after that and he said there's a picture of Beth in the NY Post today on page 11 and she's gorgeous. Howard said that FHM has released some photos from her upcoming magazine and that's why they're putting them in the paper. Howard said it's a really good picture. Artie said he was trying to get to the sports section in the paper but had to turn back and look at Beth's picture. Howard says that Beth's pictures in FHM weren't airbrushed either. The people at the magazine told her that she didn't need any air brushing.
Howard talked about the big press conference he has coming up at 8:30 or so today. He still wasn't talking about what it was that he was going to talk about though. He hasn't had the press come up to his studio for years now but he does feel that this is important stuff. Howard has a few journalists coming up to the station so he can do this press conference. He didn't want to do a huge press conference so he's keeping it between 10 and 20 people.
Howard said that Reuters news service will be there as well as people from the Wall Street Journal, Newsday, USA Today, AP, NY Post, NY Times, the Star Ledger and Billboard, CNN, MSNBC, CBS and a bunch of others. He said he'll make his statement and then do a 20 minute question and answer session after that. Gary said that some people were asking if there are any questions that are off limits at this point. Howard said there's nothing off limits today. He couldn't imagine what would be off limits.
A listener in Pittsburgh called in and said that Beth's FHM issue is already out. He said it came out yesterday and she is smokin' hot. Another caller said that he thinks that Howard is going to announce that he's getting married. Howard said that he will hear what it's about between 8 and 8:30 today.
The caller Howard had on the line said he can't wait to find out who wins the ''Get John's Job'' contest. He said he voted for Sal the Stockbroker himself. He also asked Howard to reveal who the top 3 front runners are. Howard said that he's been advised not to do that because it could swing the vote. That led to him talking about how people start on his show as interns and end up sticking around too long. He said he's had a few people who have come to the show to do a job that should take a year and they end up sticking around for many years. He mentioned Benjy who was a half hour late already today. He went to commercial break right after that.
Fred started playing ''Hot for Teacher'' in the background as Howard was talking about the story. Howard started to sing the song while it was playing as well. He said that he's been able to keep his mouth shut about some of the women he's had since his divorce. There are a couple of women he knows haven't told anyone else about what they did. Robin doesn't believe that and thinks that those two women have told other people. Gary heard that one of those people squealed and he knows who one of them is. He wrote down the name and Howard said he had alluded to having done something with that woman so it was kind of known already. He insisted that there are two women he's been with who no one knows about because they've kept their mouths shut.
Benjy asked if the names are instantly recognizable. Howard said that they really aren't but people would know who they are. Benjy asked if they have been on the show or not. Howard thought about it and Robin told him he was going to give it away just like he said he wouldn't. Gary then asked if anything ever went on in his office there at the station. Howard said nothing went on and it was just lunch with the woman he was thinking about.
Howard got back to the hot teacher story and how the 14 year old described the tattoos the teacher had on her back and how the kid was describing her legs. He said it really sounded hot. The teacher was also newly married so the poor husband had to go through all of this stuff. Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher'' was still playing so that led to Howard talking about how Eddie Van Halen's son is even more relaxed and smoother than his father. He said he spoke to Eddie the other day and talked to him about his son. His son is even better at playing drums according to Eddie.
Howard took a call from the taped Artie Lange that has called in before. He had a conversation with the tapes of Artie when he called into the show really drunk during the Las Vegas shows. Artie even asked himself a couple of questions about whether or not he's going to stop drinking. Of course the taped Artie said ''No'' when asked if he'll quit drinking. The taped Artie was talking about his clothing that he brought with him to Las Vegas. That led to Howard talking about how Artie only brought one outfit out there and didn't have all that much stuff with him. It was just a gym bag. Ralph had taken some pictures out there but they still haven't posted them on the web site yet.
The caller on the line with the Artie tapes told Howard that TheSmokingGun.com has even more details and photos of that 23 year old teacher. He said that the kid describes the way the woman shaves her private parts. Howard bailed out on the Artie tape guy
Howard talked to Artie about the balls he had going to KC's intervention (which they talked about yesterday). The guys were also talking about how Jim Florentine was willing to call in to the intervention if they needed him. Jim is a 40 year old guy making phony phone calls and going into airports farting around families. KC came in and told Howard about some of the other stuff that went on at his intervention. Gary also said that there were a few people who weren't invited to the intervention who thought they should be there. Gary was supposed to be invited but the group thought that Artie would be a better choice because he's a friend, not a boss.
Artie talked about some of the stuff that went on when people had an intervention with him. They actually had cops bring him down to his intervention. He ended up getting chased by cops that day and they had to drag him down to the set of the TV show he was working on at the time, MAD TV. Howard let him talk about that for a minute but he had to go to break after that.
Howard has been thinking about the press conference he's holding and how he was wondering if the news is really big enough to have all of these people down there. His agent told him that it is big news and it is worth having them down there. Howard had some other clips to play and phone calls to take after that.
A listener asked Artie what happened with the sitcom he had in the works. Artie said nothing happened and nothing is going on with it at this point. Howard told the caller that there are deals like that which fall through all the time out in Hollywood. He said that's why he tells guys not to rush when developing a show. The caller asked Howard if he'd ever put Artie in a show. Howard said Artie doesn't come to him with that stuff but Howard would like to work with him on something.
The caller on the line had some shows of his own to pitch to Howard but Howard was just goofing on the whole idea. The guy kept going with his pitch but Howard was just goofing on him. Howard bailed out on the call a short time later.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he was finally getting rid of Robin, who he called an ''annoying, f'n, bitch, ape.'' Howard thought that would make for quite a press conference. The caller went off on Robin for a short time and complained about how she interrupts interviews that he watches on E!. Howard told the guy to tune in during the 8 o'clock hour to hear what the press conference was all about.
Howard read that they had someone from Larry King's show coming to this press conference today. That was surprising to him for some reason because he didn't know that Larry had people to send out. A listener called in and said he thinks that Howard is going to announce that Howard is going to be John Kerry's running mate. Howard told the guy that Kerry might be interested in his announcement but it didn't sound like he was going to be his running mate.
Howard had some audio clips to play after that. Clay Aiken was on Jimmy Kimmel's show talking about how he has a friend moving in with him. Howard found that kind of interesting. Artie just laughed when he heard that. Howard wondered why someone like that would have his ''best friend'' move in with him. Robin said that there are a lot of people who do that out in Hollywood for some reason.
Howard played some audio of CBS' Julie Chen reading some lines for an animated show she's voicing. She was awful but the guy directing her kept telling her she was great. Howard said he could do voices better than Julie Chen can. He wonders why no one hires him to do that crap.
Howard had audio where Star Jones talks about her web site StarAndAl.com. The news report was about her web site and Star's upcoming wedding. All of the guys goofed on her for a couple of minutes. Howard wondered if Star is even a female at one point.
Howard had to prepare for the upcoming press conference. A listener called in and asked if they will play that press conference on E! at any point. Robin Radzinski came in and said if they get some of the reporters naked, they may show it on the E! show.
Howard got back to the audio clips he had. One of them was a TRL host talking to Tom Cruise about how much he tips. The host ended up getting excited when Tom said that he tips 100%.
Howard was mentioned on the Pyramid game show. He was one of the subject that was under the category of ''Things we hear but tune out.'' He quickly played that and then took a call from a woman who said that she went to see ''Fahrenheit 9/11'' and it was a real eye opener. She's a republican and she voted for Bush but she wasn't proud of that fact. The woman then asked Artie to get her into the comedy show she's doing tonight. The show is sold out so he couldn't really do it. Howard tried to help out and asked her what she looked like. She said she's 5'8'' tall and weighs 135 pounds. She also said that she looks like Minnie Driver... Howard hung up on her shortly after that. He told her there were no tickets available.
Howard played a new Onion Radio News bit where they talk about the Pope blessing anything you put in front of his face these days. After that Howard had to take another commercial break.
Howard wanted to explain to the press that he was not responsible for what happened with the food. He will take the fall for that though because he was the one who invited everyone down. Howard was interrupted when someone wrote on his computer that he might want to put his sunglasses on. He also gets messages from Tom telling him to take a commercial break sometimes.
Howard said he hates wearing his sunglasses because they're not bifocals and he can't read. They're curved so they can't create bifocals. Howard said he doesn't really need bifocals, he can read up close just fine. He needs glasses that have a section that's clear but he can't do that with the sunglasses.
Howard got back to that school teacher who banged the 14 year old and how she wasn't even married a year before she was banging the kid. Howard said they should send the woman's husband a prize for having to put up with that.
Howard thought he read that Ian would use rubber bands on himself to make his sex last longer as well. Ian said that wasn't true though. Howard asked Ian about his PHD in sexology. Ian got it at some school down in Florida. Howard wondered how you get something like that. They didn't spend much time on that stuff because Howard has so many problems with the FCC that he was going to cut it short.
Howard said this guy was so bad that just petting a girl would set him off and he'd finish. Howard said that never happened to him... although he did remember one time at Scores where he went off while getting a lap dance. Ian has all kinds of suggestions for what guys can do to make themselves last longer. One of the things he tried when he was trying to make himself last longer was putting cocaine on his penis. That didn't work for him. Howard said there was a lot of more graphic stuff in the book but he can't bring that stuff up on the air because of the FCC.
Artie was bragging that he does oral on chicks so well that one woman once told him that he was ''stunning.'' He demonstrated what he does for Robin and Howard and Howard was disgusted by it. The delay ended up getting hit at least one time during that discussion.
Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later. Then Howard said that on Friday they're going to be revealing their new bulletin board over at HowardStern.com. Tonight Howard and the rest of the crew are going to learn how to use the bulletin board so they can answer fans questions while they're on vacation. Artie knew nothing about that and he has a gig tonight so he can't get in on it. Howard went on to explain to the guys how they'll be able to answer the stuff if they want to but they don't have to. He said they'll be able to go on the site whenever they want to read the questions that are there. Gary came in during that discussion and told Howard that they don't want to keep the press waiting so they have to take a break and get to the press conference pretty quick. He said they have a lot of the upper management from the company there and Howard's agent as well. Howard quickly went to break so they could get to that next.
Howard was kicked off of six Clear Channel radio stations a few months ago and he believes that it was all politically based. He went on the air after the Janet Jackson thing and criticized President Bush and the war and that's when Clear Channel gave him the boot. Once Clear Channel did that it had a chilling effect because he believes he was kicked off the air because of his political views. He said that it's a joke and a smoke screen saying that this is all about sex.
Howard has been getting very frustrated with what's been going on and he's threatened to resign a few times. He said that his own company doesn't know which way to turn because the FCC is going back 3 years finding shows to fine him over. Then there's this new indecency bill that is going to make it possible to fine individuals hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Howard has had satellite radio companies come to him and say that they want him. He would be allowed much more freedom on satellite which doesn't mean he'd be using the F-word all the time, he'd just be able to talk the way he wants. He still has 18 months left on his contract with Infinity so he doesn't know what the future will be with satellite.
Howard has been backed up by many people in his company and they believe that he's not doing anything indecent or obscene. He's heard from a lot of people in the company about their support and now they're showing it. Howard is going back on in the markets he was taken off in by Clear Channel and he's adding nine new stations to his affiliates.
Howard is not going to satellite at this point but it is possible when the FCC starts handing out personal fines when the new indecency bill passes. Howard said he's going to be back on in Pittsburgh, San Diego, West Palm Beach, Rochester and Orlando. Then he's adding new markets in Houston, Austin, Tampa and Fresno! Howard said he's not going to just sit back and take it while he's getting fined. He said that his show is having an effect on the election and this is going to help him spread the word around the country.
Howard took some questions after that. Joe Flint from the Wall Street Journal asked Howard about John Kerry and if he thinks he' be any better than Bush as far as the indecency thing goes. Howard talked about how Kerry's views on a lot of things are better than Bush's in his opinion.
John Mainelli from the NY Post asked Howard if there is two types of censorship around the country. He was referring to the Las Vegas station and how they were cutting out the N-word out there yesterday. Howard talked about how they have people all around the country second guessing what they have to censor out. This is because the FCC does not have any defined rules about what is indecent or obscene so they don't know exactly what to cut out. Howard said there is no double standard because no one knows what the standard is. He couldn't even answer his question because it's so confusing.
Someone from Pittsburgh called in and said that this press conference is on out there. Howard said the press conference is on but the stations will not pick up the show until after their vacation. Howard took another question from the press. One guy asked if this effects his contract which is up in 18 months. Howard said it does not do anything to that and his contract still ends in 18 months. The guy asked him about how all of this censorship is getting to him. Howard went on to talk about the N-word being censored out of his show yesterday when he was playing clips from a Trio TV show where they talked about the history of the N-word. Howard went on to talk about what a crackpot Michael Powell is and how he has no business telling people what belongs on the air or not.
A woman from Reuters asked Howard if he's heard from Michael Powell on all of this stuff. Howard has put the offer out to talk to the guy on his ABC special but the guy is chicken and won't come on with him. He said it's comical what's going on with that guy. The woman also asked Howard what would drive him to satellite radio. Howard said that he'll consider it in 18 months when his radio contract is up. He has a lot of things to think about before that happens though. He may just leave the radio business all together depending on what's going on at that point.
Peter Johnson from USA Today asked Howard what he finds obscene or indecent when he hears it on the radio. Howard talked about companies polluting water and the environment not getting fined and politicians and people in the government don't get fined for not doing their jobs don't get fined but he gets fined for just talking. He said that those things are indecent to him. Howard told the guy that the fines he's gotten have been over discussions about doody. It's something that people talk about every day and it's ridiculous.
Howard also said that he's going to back Kerry in the election and he doesn't want anything in return. He just wants his audience to vote as a block and get Bush out of office.
A woman asked Howard if he thinks a lot of his audience have really switched from Bush to Kerry for the upcoming election. Howard said that there was a poll done where they found that many of his audience members will be voting for Kerry. There are many republicans who are saying that they are switching votes because of what's been going on. He's been getting tons of e-mail from fans and from servicemen who have thanked him for what he's standing up for because they want Bush out of office as well.
CNN reporter George Lerner asked Howard if he has had any contact with the Democratic party to perhaps make a speech at the national convention. Howard said that he would like to have John Kerry come on his show to talk to his audience but he has no desire to make any speeches at the convention.
A woman from CBS news asked Howard about all of the political stuff he's doing on the show these days. Howard said that he's not interested in being political on his show but with everything going on these days he's been forced to do it. He said after this press conference he'll be back to penis and vagina discussions. His show is being threatened right now and the show will probably never be the same once the indecency bill passes into law. He predicts that he will not be able to finish out his contract because of that indecency bill and the fines that will come along with that.
Howard spoke to Tara Birney from Access Hollywood who used to be an intern on his show. She asked Howard if he'll go out on tour to the markets he's going back on in since he's beating the FCC now. Howard said that he's not beating them and he has no chance against the government because he has no chance of winning. Tara also asked Howard about the upcoming projects they have in the works at this point. He talked about the ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' and the remakes of ''Porkey's'' and ''Rock and Roll High School.''
A woman asked Howard why Clear Channel didn't drop his show from other markets. Howard told her that they dropped him from all of the markets they had him on in. There were only 6 markets. Howard told the woman about how he believes the Clear Channel thing was all political. He said he still hasn't been paid by Clear Channel and he's thinking about suing them over the contracts they're not paying.
Howard talked about how he thinks he really will have a big impact on the election. He told Magee Hickey that he has nothing planned for the Republican National Convention. He also said that he's amazed that the city is short on hookers and escorts for the upcoming convention and those are the people coming into the city are the same ones trying to silence him. He said there's a lot of hypocrisy over there.
Howard was going to take a break but a caller wanted to know why Howard wasn't asking the chicks in the studio what they were wearing. Howard was trying to keep it straight because it was a serious press conference. He did say that their former intern was wearing some hot outfit and some of the other women there were dressed nicely as well. He went to break shortly after that.
Howard mentioned the stations he'll be on once the new affiliates take on the show. They include the following:
Howard talked about how he went to the bathroom during the break and how he tried not to stain his pants when he peed so no one would see that when he came out. Howard went on to congratulate everyone because they now have more stations than they did when Clear Channel pulled him off.
A listener called in and asked Howard why his E! show doesn't have any of this political stuff on. Howard said that it's the girl stuff that gets the ratings and they don't have a reason to put that on. It would be tough to put that stuff on there anyway.
Howard's father Ben called in to congratulate Howard on the press conference. He said that he was very proud of him and couldn't get over the way he handled himself. The way he spoke and made sense was very impressive to him. He asked for his old audio tapes back where he called Howard stupid. He now realizes that he wasn't. Fred played some of those clips to remind everyone about what he was talking about.
Howard said that his father wanted him to go into politics but it just wasn't meant to be. He thanked his father for the call because he knows that he's his toughest critic. Gary came in a minute later and said that the management at the company were impressed with the way Howard handled all of that stuff as well. They thought that it was scripted but it was actually off the top of his head.
Howard told his dad that the call meant a lot to him. It only took his father 50 years to compliment him. Howard asked him if he feels this whole thing is a witch hunt and if he thinks his son looks like a witch. Ben said he does look a little like a witch. Ben told Howard ''I love you'' as he was getting off the line so Howard found that to be another surprise. Howard asked him when that started and Ben said it was about 15 minutes before. Howard let Ben go a short time later.
A woman called in and told Howard that hearing his father on the air overwhelmed her. Gary said that he got a glimpse into what must go on in the Psychiatrist's office when he talks about his father. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about his father and the feelings he has for him and what he'd just done.
Howard said that some of the radio stations they have coming on board are making format changes and adding his show to the line up. He took a few phone calls after that. One guy from Pittsburgh told him that he was hearing the show as they spoke. He was thrilled that he's back on out there. Howard said they officially start on July 19th in all of those markets.
Another caller from Pittsburgh called in and told Howard how horrible it was when he was dropped out there. Howard said it was kind of nice that Beth's family (in Pittsburgh) wasn't able to hear the show for a while. It's been much easier without them listening but now he'll be back on the air. He said her mother will be tuning in and hearing him talking about having anal with her daughter. Howard said her father gets more upset about that than her mother would.
Another woman called in and told Howard how happy she was for him getting back on the air and how her father called in. She was crying so Howard said he feels that she might be some kind of kook. He spent a short time talking to her about his book and about the call he took from his father. Howard said he should be crying like that himself over the call his father made but it doesn't affect him the same way. He had to take another break before Robin started her news.
A guy claiming to be rapper DMX's uncle Pinkie called in and told Howard that his nephew didn't try to car jack a car the other day like it was reported in the news. It was actually a case of road rage and DMX just got out of his car to confront the driver of a car that was pissing him off. He said he was just trying to clear up what was really going on because they're doing the same thing to Howard that they're doing to his nephew. Howard got off the line a short time later and talked about that for a short time.
Gary came in with a clip from a news report about Howard's big announcement this morning and reporter Jack Cafferty sounded pissed off that Howard is going to go on and on about this now that he's on in those markets. Howard said that it's time to beat that bitch back down because he doesn't like his attitude.
In an MSNBC report they talked about the announcement and how he's on in new markets. They were a little nicer in their report and didn't bad mouth him like Jack Cafferty did. Howard went off on Clear Channel and the FCC for a short time after that. He said that they thought he'd never get on in those markets again. Meanwhile, he's just moving across the street. This doesn't mean that he's going to be on the air for his full contract though. There's still a chance he can be taken off the air once that indecency bill passes. He said that Clear Channel paying the FCC the $1.7 million in fines was just dumb because they're not going to stop coming after them.
Gary came in with an article about Jack Cafferty and how he was accused of hitting a bike rider and dragging him for a distance. Cafferty drove away after that so Howard said he's going to talk about that over the next couple of days constantly to let people know what kind of guy he really is.
Howard started off the show saying that he was up at about 2:30 in the morning and couldn't fall asleep again last night. He said he'd had a meeting with the people who work his web site and the new bulletin board wasn't working correctly so the test didn't go so well. Howard said that Vinnie Favale was on the conference call and all he kept asking was if everyone could see his post. The bulletin board is supposed to make it's debut tomorrow. He went on to say that everyone with an assigned name will have two asterisks next to their name. That way everyone will know who is who they say they are. Tomorrow they're supposed to have an on-air lesson for everyone out there.
Howard thinks that he knows how to use the board but Robin told him about a bunch of stuff that she saw and it sounds like a big deal to them. They're just 10 years behind everyone else in getting on bulletin boards. They made it sound like this is new technology.
High Pitch Erik called in and asked if he has a name for the bulletin board. Howard told him that he'll have one but he prefers the High Pitch instead of ''High Pitched'' as some people call him. Erik also said that some people call him ''Hi Pitch'' Erik. There are many spellings for him. Howard told him he's almost retarded and they may give him the name ''Big Fat Blob'' if the High Pitch Erik name isn't available.
Gary came in and told Howard that he got a call from a limo driver who said that Erik used his service and sent the bill to Howard's station for a ride he took back in 2002. Howard said that he was going to take away Erik's name after that because he's a scammer and they don't want more people sending in limo bills for him.
Howard said that this guy who beat his kid to death, Joel Steinberg, was just released from jail after serving 17 years in jail. He said that his lawyer sent a stretch limo to pick the guy up yesterday when he was released. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about his lawyer and some of the wacky things that have come out about that guy.
High Pitch Erik kept interrupting Howard and asking dumb questions so Howard hung up on him. KC was having some problems getting on the new bulletin board last night. Howard said that the rest of them were all able to get on while he was having some trouble. KC came in and said that he couldn't write it down fast enough while everyone else had no problem. Artie wasn't in on the conference call but he said that he probably woudln't be able to do it from what he was hearing. Howard told him that he'd be able to make posts about upcoming gigs and stuff like that.
Howard said that Beth is so opposite of him that she's able to calm him down when he gets pissed off at stuff. He talked about how some women he dated would go to the ''dark side'' with him when he'd get pissed of but Beth just tells him to calm down and it works. She tells him that life is good and then takes him to bed or something like that. He's not really used to that though because he and his parents would always pick people apart at the dinner table when he was a kid. He loved it at the time and didn't realize what they were doing.
Robin told Howard about how Beth called her one time when she was upset about something that was going on and she was freaking out because Howard was so pissed. She wouldn't say what that was all about though. Gary told Howard that he is a different person since he started dating Beth. He said that he's not completely calmed down and still gets pissed off easily.
Double A called in and congratulated Howard on getting in the news yesterday. He went on to talk about how great this week was since he's been seeing Beth all over the news. He is going to go down to her magazine signing to see her live. Howard said she'll be on tomorrow to promote that. Howard wanted the guys to give Double A a name on the bulletin board.
Another caller asked if they're going to have a moderator for the bulletin board. Gary came in and said that they will be moderated boards and there will be no cursing allowed at first. Howard said that they're under such scrutiny that they don't want to do that kind of stuff right away. The caller told Howard that he's going to volunteer himself to be one of those moderators for the board. Howard wasn't sure how to make that happen. He gave him the job though even though he wasn't sure about how it worked. Howard said that they should just call those guys ''Nerd # 1'' since they're such nerdy guys.
Gary and Howard talked about how creepy Vinnie Favale was yesterday during the conference call about the bulletin board. He was on the bus on his way home and he was whispering while it was going on.
Howard mentioned that they're going to be holding the finals for the ''Get John's Job'' contest later in the show and he came up with a way to do it. He said that he's going to do it ''American Idol'' style. It all came to him in a dream last night and he thinks it'll be great. Howard and Gary talked about what some of the contestants have been doing trying to get votes. Howard is very excited about the results of the contest.
A phone caller told Howard he did a great job with the press conference yesterday. Howard got a lot of good feedback himself but there are some developments with the new stations that he didn't want to get into right then.
Howard talked about the conference call from last night again and said that when things weren't going well so he said he needed an intervention and wondered where Artie was. The guys talked about that for a short time and then Howard had to take a commercial break.
Cabbie came in so Howard asked him about the bet he has with Joey Boots. They have $100 on whether or not Cabbie is going to win. Howard said that he'll give the number of votes later in the show. Joey said that he has been sending out e-mail to a lot of people. Cabbie sent out a lot of e-mail to people on his giant e-mail list and didn't BCC them so he just responded to that and sent out some mail of his own to all of those people.
KC came in and told Howard that Joey just had a colonoscopy recently. Joey said he had some polyps in there and had to get them checked out. Howard said he just had his done not too long ago himself and had to be knocked out for it. He said that when he got up there was a stain on the table. Joey said he didn't remember anything that happened because he was knocked out as well.
Howard sent Cabbie and Joey out of there because he had a lot to get to this morning. Cabbie said he didn't want to sit in the same room with all of those other guys out there. He said that Yucko smelled bad and Chaunce Hayden was dressed like a reject from the Village People. Cabbie wouldn't stop talking and just kept going. Howard had to ask him to leave a couple of times before he actually left.
Howard had tape of a voice mail message they have at FHM about the RSVP response line for the party. He played that and the guy sounded kind of effeminate. Howard goofed on that for a few seconds and then moved on to the next thing.
Howard said that KC went into the recording studio with Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer) and did a prank call to this author Von Braschler as 2 deejays ''Bruiser and The Snake.'' KC is a mellow deejay while Wood Yi asked a bunch of goofy and really inappropriate questions. He asked him about being gay and if he's ever had sex with dogs and stuff. He was asking all kinds of gay questions and questions about f'ing dogs and stuff. Von eventually hung up on them. Artie and Robin were laughing their asses off during the call. Howard gave the guy a plug for his book because he was such a good sport about the whole thing. His book is called ''Natural Pet Healing: Our Psychic, Spiritual Connection.''
A listener called in and told Howard to be careful with the whole moderator thing on his message board. He said that they could censor the site and keep a lot of stuff off of there that wouldn't normally be taken out. Howard talked about how they just want to keep those people that ruin message boards off so they don't ruin his. He had to take another break after that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard she's really happy that Viacom did right by him. She also told Howard that she gave her vote for Shuli in the ''Get John's Job'' contest. She asked Howard if she's going to have her name on the bulletin board or not. Howard and Gary were pretty sure she did. Same thing with King of All Blacks. He called in and wondered if he was on the list. Gary said he's pretty sure he's on the list. Robin said they have a really long list of people to put on there.
Howard brought in this hot Ivana (Howard couldn't pronounce her last name) chick after that. Howard talked to her about her last name for a few seconds and then told her he knew how hot she was after reading the list of guys she's been with. She claims to have been with Ryan Seacrest at one point many years ago. She also says that David Spade hit on her but she didn't go with him. She said she turned him down because he wasn't her type. Ivana said that she's not into guys who hit on every girl. Howard said that he never hits on women, he'll talk to them but he doesn't really hit on them.
Howard told Ivana that he had Ed Torian the lie detector guy there to ask her some questions about Ryan Seacrest. She was saying that he's ''normal'' in penis size so Howard said they're going to ask her more about that later. Gary came in a minute later and said that when Ivana was talking to KC she was touching his arm which is apparently a sign that she's really into him.
Howard read some of the other names on Ivana's list of conquests. She told Howard that she's not dating anyone at this point but she has had sex in the past few months. She said that they weren't one nighters, they were just friends that she has sex with sometimes. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. He called that her ''F-Buddy.'' Ivana said that it's not a bunch of guys, it's just one guy she has sex with once in a while.
Ivana was in to promote a new show that's premiering on SpikeTV next week. The show is called Hotlines. Howard also gave her a plug for her web site IvanaB.com.
Howard was playing the gagging porn tape that he's been playing for the whole week. He played a new song that Dan the Song Parody Man put together with that clip after that. That led to Howard talking about how the FCC wants to fine only Viacom stations for the Janet Jackson Super Bowl thing and not all of the stations that are owned by other companies. Howard spent about 2 minutes talking about that and then got back to the hot chick.
Howard was asking Ivana about her hot clothes and whether or not she knows any fat chicks. She never got a chance to answer though and Howard sent her out to take the lie detector test. He talked to Ed Torian the lie detector test guy a little bit and goofed on his funny sounding voice for a short time. Howard said that Ivana was braless and Ed got to wrap her in the lie detector sensors. Howard said she's hot and he might have to watch the Hotlines show. He found out that Ivana's breasts were fake but he thought that they looked very real to him. Ivana said she had a good doctor, Dr. Garth Fisher, and that's why they look so real. She's had them about 5 years now. You can see them in ''Van Wilder'' (MrSkin.com) because she gets topless in the movie.
Ed got everything set up and then asked Ivana the questions they had for her. Ivana seemed surprised that they were actually doing all of this stuff seriously. Ed asked her questions about her name, what day it is and stuff like that. Then he asked the real questions...
Gary came in and said that the show is called ''Boiling Point'' and they do stuff like this to people just to piss them off. Will came in and said that they have a time limit and if the people last long enough, they win the $100. Howard spent a little more time on that and then talked about all of the other stuff they had to get to this morning.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it was true that he was coming back to Orlando, Florida. Howard said it's true but he didn't have the station list in front of him. Infinity is putting him back on in 5 of the 6 markets he was taken off of by Clear Channel a few months ago. Howard said that WOCL is the station in Orlando and a bunch of the stations are making format changes because of this whole thing. He talked about Clear Channel and how they screwed him over when they took him off the air. He gave out a few of the other stations that he'll be on and said that will all start on July 19th. Here's a list of the new stations Howard will be on:
Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man helped out some of the other contestants because he wanted to see the others do well for the show. Chaunce didn't help anyone according to Howard and the other guys. Everyone was ganging up on Chaunce and goofing on him about all of that stuff.
Howard had a song parody that a listener sent in about Sal and Chaunce breaking down and crying during their final days. The song was to the theme of ''Friends.'' Howard thought that was pretty funny. Richard Christy wrote one as well and had Chaunce's crying in there. He played that quickly and then the guys revealed that the hat that Chaunce was wearing had been down Sal's pants earlier. He apparently wiped his butt with it.
Chaunce told Howard that his whining was just his way of playing the game and the tears on his last day were fake because he was just trying to get votes. Dominic Barbara called in and said that the family that Joey had on who smoked crack were definitely real. He did some checking and they are legitimate.
Howard introduced each person in the contest. He told Chaunce that he thought he did a great job during his week on the show. Robin remembered some of the great things he did when he was in that week. Howard and Robin both liked the interview he did with Howard. Howard went on to ask the guys if they all voted. Everyone did except for Artie. Artie went on to say that he thought that Rev. Bob Levy is the best joke writer around. Howard said that he likes what Bob does as far as joke writing but he might be too big for the job. Howard went on to talk about Shuli and how his week wasn't very strong but he has called in and hit home runs with stuff over the years. Shuli said that he tried to stick to what he does best and some of it didn't work out. The guys liked the way he was very laid back on the air.
Howard said that Sal the Stockbroker and Yucko the Clown both surprised them with their performances during their tryouts. Dan the Song Parody Man and Richard Christy can do amazing things with songs and bits. Howard thought that Sal and Yucko weren't going to do as much as they did. He thought Sal was just going to goof on Gary the whole week but he surprised him with a lot of other bits and stuff. Yucko also did a great job with the stuff he did the week he was on.
Richard Christy did a great job with his parodies and all of that but Howard seems to think he was knocked down by the end of the week for some reason. Howard said that Cabbie comes on the show and fireworks happen every time. He had a killer song parody and he does some great stuff on the air. Cabbie claimed that he got Beth O's vote because she called him last night and told him that. Howard said she didn't even know what he was talking about when she got the mail from him and he told her to not even worry about it.
Gary said that he liked what Sal did and thought that Yucko could be around there all the time and he'd have some great things for him to do. Howard said that Chaunce is a mystery because he's self destructive and doesn't realize all of his strengths.
Ralph called in and said he had Sal, Richard and Yucko in his top three last night. He said he'd have to drill out his ears if he had to listen to Chaunce every day. Fred said that he had Dan and Yucko up at the top of his list. Gary said that Dan has a lot of stuff for them that he didn't even get to play in the studio. Fred thought that Richard is a great production guy but he had to put Sal the Stockbroker at the top of his list.
Robin said that she had to think about who would be great on the air as well as behind the scenes. Sal and Yucko were right at the top of her list. She said she had to go with Sal because she was so impressed with him and he's wanted to be part of the show for years.
Mariann from Brooklyn called back and said that she didn't vote for Shuli like she said earlier, she actually voted for Chaunce (she pronounced it 'shaunce'' for some reason).
Howard said that the votes came in and the first three places were almost set from the start of the contest. He said that they was something near the end of the voting at midnight last night but the winner didn't change. Artie went on to say that he would have voted for Cabbie if he had voted in the contest. He likes Cabbie coming in on the air. Howard said he feels the same way and Cabbie knows how to mix it up on the air. Howard also feels that Chaunce knows how to mix it up as well. He said he'd reveal who he voted for after taking a phone call.
A listener asked Howard why Chaunce is even allowed on the air because he's awful. Gary gave his vote to Richard Christy after having Sal, Yucko and Richard in his top 3. Howard thought Dan the Song Parody Man was great as well. Dan said that he never knew how to do this editing, he just learned how to do it so he could create stuff for the show. Howard thought Richard Christy's stuff was great and he knows that he'd have a lot of great stuff for the show if he got hired. He liked Yucko and Sal as well and ended up voting for Sal in the end.
Howard said he wants to try and get a couple of these guys jobs on the show. He's going to talk to Tom about making that happen because they were all so good. Vinnie Favale called in and pointed out some of the great things that Shuli has done over the years. Howard said he thinks that Shuli just choked under pressure that week. Vinnie thought that Sal had the best week though.
Howard said that the voting had a lot to do with popularity and politics. He then went on to say that he'd ask one person to step forward. He said that person would be immediately eliminated. The person ranked number 6 out of the 10. He got 5.15 percent of the vote... That person was John the Stutterer... who wasn't there anyway. John backed out of the contest because he thought that it would be too much pressure for him. He almost went into the top 3 after announcing that he was dropping out of the contest.
Howard asked the guys who they thought was going to win this thing. Most of the guys seemed to think that Sal was going to take it. He then asked three guys to step forward... Yucko the Clown, Crazy Cabbie and Joey Boots. One of them was in the top 3. The other two were ranked lower. Howard just about fell asleep while he was keeping people in suspense. Yucko stepped forward and Howard told Cabbie and Boots where they were. Cabbie got 3.7 percent of the vote in 6th/7th place. Joey was in 9th with 2.8 percent of the vote. Those two were out of the contest at that point. Yucko was in the top three so he got to step over to the side.
Howard said that their stats were a little wacky for some reason. He then asked Richard Christy, Dan the Song Parody Man and Shuli to step forward. One of them was in the top 3. Shuli guessed it was Dan in the top 3. Dan thought Richard was in the top 3 but Richard thought it was Dan as well. Dan was not in the top 3. Howard told him he was number 4, with 7.27 percent of the vote. Richard was up next, he was in the top three. Shuli came in dead last in 10th place with 1.52 percent of the vote.
Sal the Stockbroker, Rev. Bob Levy and Chaunce Hayden were the last 3. Sal said that Rev. Bob is such a funny guy that he thinks his fans might have voted for him. Chaunce had a great week according to Sal. Chaunce and Bob both think that Sal took it. Howard had him step forward and it was Sal who was in the top 3. Bob Levy came in 5th with 6.51 percent. Chaunce came in 7th with 3.1 percent of the vote. Howard thought that all of them did a great job and thanked them all for what they did.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who thought Richard Christy did the best job while he was there. Howard finally moved on to the final 3 and asked Richard who he thinks will win. Richard thinks it's Sal who's going to take it. Yucko seems to think it's going to go that way as well. Howard said the front runner was the front runner right from the beginning. He said that the winner had 30 percent of the vote. The second place guy had 24 percent. The third place had 14.95 percent of the vote. Howard said he'd announce the winner after a commercial break. He just had to keep people in suspense. He gave Trim Spa a plug since they were the sponsor for the whole thing. He pointed out that they did a great job with Gary because he's lost a lot of weight on the stuff. He went to break after that.
Howard said that Gary was rethinking his vote because Robin made a good point about how he can organize an event pretty well. KC pointed out that he also got ticketed for an event he organized one time. Howard talked about how Richard could come up with some great bits if he gets the job.
The guys wondered if any of the guys were surprised they didn't get in the top 3. Cabbie was the most surprised. Rev. Bob said that he was just waiting for his Friday because he got passed over on the last day of his week. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and told Howard that he placed his vote for Rev. Bob Levy. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he thought that Yucko was the best all around. Benjy said he voted for Richard Christy because his bits inspired him. Artie said that he thinks Dan should have been in the final 3 as well.
Joey Boots said that all of these guys there have bad mouthed Richard Christy but this morning they're all being nice to him today. They're a bunch of hypocrites. Howard cut him off and let Doug Goodstein from E! who he voted for. Doug said that he thinks it came down to Sal and Yucko and he voted for Sal. So did Will from the back office.
Howard talked up all three of the finalists and said that Sal got the most positive e-mail after his week on the show. He's done a lot of goofy stuff for the show over the years. Howard had Sal step forward after that. He also had Richard and Yucko step up. Then he had Sal step back with Richard. He announced that Yucko the Clown came in third place.
It came down to Sal and Richard. Howard then said something that got the delay hit. He spent a minute talking to the two of them and then said that the race was close toward the end but Sal came in second place. Richard Christy won the contest. He joins the family right away and he'll be working for them for 3 months. A couple of women from Trim Spa came in after that. Richard Christy said 3 months ago he was digging ditches down in Florida and he never dreamed he'd be doing this. He left his band before they went to Europe and it was the toughest decision of his life. Sal said that he got Howard, Fred, Gary, Robin and Will's acceptance and that's all he wanted from this.
Howard introduced Frank from Trim Spa who had the $25,000 check for Richard. They had a couple of models there as well who have lost weight using Trim Spa. Frank thanked Howard for everything he's done for their company. Cabbie was laying on the floor looking up the model's dresses at one point. He said that they had great asses.
Howard took some calls about the winner announcement. Ralph seems to think that they'll find a lot of great stuff about him as time goes on. Jeff the Drunk called in and said he hopes Richard dies because he sucks. He hung up right after that. Richard said that he's excited about working there and he's going to put together a lot of bits for them. Sal told him to shut up but Richard didn't respond to him. That's what some people like about Richard.
Another phone caller said that it was odd how there were no cheers for Richard when it was announced he won. Howard said it was obvious that it was the audience who voted for him and that's the way it went. Howard told Sal he was their ''Clay Aiken'' in this contest. Joey Boots said that he didn't think that Richard was all that creative and he rode Sal's coattails.
Dan the Song Parody Man seemed to think that Richard does borrow from his format of song parodies. He talked about how Sal kind of created the whole ''Baba Booey'' song parody where they just say those two words in the song and kind of bashed Richard for borrowing from both Sal and him. Howard told everyone to be gentlemen and cheer Richard on. That wasn't happening. Cabbie booed him.
Howard took a few more calls and let some people congratulate Richard Christy on his win. Mariann from Brooklyn called in again and said she's glad that Sal didn't get the job. Sal went off on her for a few seconds. Howard had to hang up on Mariann because there seemed to be a war going on there. Howard started to wrap up after that but Sal was goofing on Richard's southern drawl a bit. He seemed to be getting more and more pissed off at him as time went by. Sal got in a plug for the comedy show he's doing with KC tomorrow night at Carolines on Broadway with Rev. Bob Levy and Shuli. Below are links to some of the contestant's web sites:
Robin wondered what happened at the comedy show last night. Artie said it wasn't much of a story, he just got loaded and went home after the show. Artie ordered a pizza when he got home and passed out. Then the pizza guy woke him up and he threw the guy a $20 and left the pizza outside the door. He woke up at quarter to six this morning and almost tripped over the box on his way out.
Artie went on to talk about how great the show was last night and how it was all a show for Bob Levy. They were raising money for Levy's divorce fund. They had Jim Norton, Rich Vos, Jim Florentine, Bob And Artie at the show. Artie guessed that Bob probably made some good money like somewhere around $8,000.
Artie said that Bob's first wife was at the show and she was smokin' hot (I met her, she is gorgeous!) and he doesn't know what's up with Bob. Howard and Artie talked about divorce and how marriage seems to ruin relationships. Howard wondered why Bob doesn't just get an arbitrator for his divorce instead of getting lawyers. Artie said he really can't afford lawyers and that's why he had to have the guys do this for him. Howard said you shouldn't have to pay for love. Artie said he's rented it a few times himself. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
I was at the comedy show Artie talked about, you can read that short story here.
Howard started off the show talking about the NY Post and an article that he's read. He knows the paper is Right Wing but he doesn't get why a paper has to report in one direction like that. The article was about Michael Moore and how he's a jerk and stuff but he doesn't even get what the guy's point it. There was also a comment about how there's no way that Howard can effect the upcoming election while guys like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity can. The article also says that Howard is making the Lenny Bruce mistake by boring his audience talking about his political problems. The writer seems to think that he's going to lose listeners because they want to hear him talk to strippers. Howard said the guy is missing the point because he can't do the show the way he used to because of the government and how they'll fine him for anything he does.
Howard doesn't get why these reporters don't get that he can't do the show the way he used to and it's the government telling people they can't hear that stuff anymore. The whole thing is ludicrous according to Howard. Howard and Artie also talked a little more about Lenny Bruce as well. He went nuts toward the end of his life because the government was putting him in jail for the act he was doing.
Howard talked about what he did yesterday after the show. He had a meeting about his movie remake of ''Porkeys.'' He went to the shrink after that. He said that his girlfriend had her big FHM magazine party last night so he went to that as well. He doesn't usually go to stuff like that but it was for her. She was all dolled up and looked great according to Howard and Robin. Howard knew that he looked bad last night, especially standing there next to Beth. He took a picture with Beth and some of her model friends which makes him look even worse. Artie said he took some pictures with the Trim Spa girls and he thought he looked awful. Howard thinks that Artie looks just fine and looks better than he does.
Howard was in the parking garage leaving the show yesterday and a bunch of photographers took his picture. They were all standing down the garage from him so all of the pictures they took make him look like a monster. Fred threw in some monster music behind Howard while he was talking about that.
Robin said that Gary was down there answering some questions for the press when Howard came walking in. All of the reporters turned away from Gary and ignored him to get to Howard. Howard heard that when Scott the Engineer came walking down they were photographing Beth and told him to just get out of the way. They even pushed him away to get him out of the pictures. Gary had his picture taken by all of the press and they all took about 30 pictures. He said if he ever does anything to get in the paper, they'll have plenty of pictures of him.
Howard is going to a 4th of July party that a guy in the business is throwing and he's not sure if there are going to be photographers there. He said he went to a party at some friend's house one time and they had photographers there. It was very weird.
Howard said that he never wants his station to fix that line. Howard talked to Tobey about how he got signed to the sequels for ''Spider-Man'' and then had some problems with his back. He said he's had this problem for 3 or 4 years and when he came out of ''Seabiscuit'' he was in bad shape. He was afraid something was going to happen shooting the sequel to ''Spider-Man.'' Howard heard about his back problems and told him about this Dr. Sarno (''The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain,'' ''Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection'') who helped him out with his back problems. Howard said he had a horrible back problem and he didn't need surgery like so many people get. Tobey said he's had no problems for about a year and a half now but if he does, he'll contact Dr. Sarno.
Howard talked to Tobey about the sequel and how he went back in and renegotiated his contract after the first one did so well. Howard and Robin talked to him about Kirsten Dunst and how Tobey may have had a crush on her when they shot the first movie. Tobey didn't want to talk about whether or not that was true. Howard went on to talk about how there are a lot of romances on the sets of movies because it's such a romantic place. He said it's like a whole new universe on the set of a movie.
Tobey said he's heard about people who have to work with people they've had relationships with in the past. He said that he wouldn't know himself if that was true but he's heard stories. Robin heard that Kirsten hates Tobey and they still have to do love scenes together. Tobey said the two of them get along just fine. Howard suggested that they have her killed off in the next movie so Peter Parker can meet some other (hotter) chicks.
Howard wondered if Tobey ever read the Spider-Man comic books when he was younger. Howard said he was really into the comic books and he likes to see those movies done well. Howard told Tobey not to get crazy and eventually say that he can't do Spider-Man movies in the future. He should do them as long as he possibly can. He said they played a tape during the news yesterday where Kirsten Dunst talked about how she wasn't sure they'd be able to 'squeeze'' more Spider-Man movies out after the third one. Howard said they could do 50 of those because there are so many great characters in the comic books.
Gary came in and asked Howard who he thinks would be the lead guest on The Tonight Show if Tobey and Howard did it again together. Howard said he still thinks that he's the bigger guest and he would demand to be on first. Tobey said that he would go on with Howard but he knows that Howard would demand to go first so he'd still do it that way. Howard and Tobey made an appearance on the show years ago and Howard was the big guest that time.
Vinnie Favale from CBS came in and talked about what they would do on Letterman's show if something like that happened. He thinks that it would be a tough call because both sides would be arguing about who would go on first.
Howard cut Vinnie off on that and asked Tobey who he's with at his house out in Los Angeles. Tobey said that he is involved with someone but he wouldn't talk about her. Artie asked him which Hooters waitress he was banging today. Tobey just laughed.
Howard said that ''Spider-Man 2'' set up the next movie and he can't wait for that one. Howard got a note telling him that Tobey is dating Jen Meyer who is the daughter of the head of Universal Studios. Tobey didn't say anything after Howard brought that up. He didn't want to get into that stuff. Howard said that's why he wouldn't be the lead on Leno.
Tobey said that he's had a great time on shows with Howard and people always ask him how tough it must be. It's not tough at all for him and they have fun.
A caller told Howard that he saw Tobey at a party dancing naked to the old Spider-Man theme song. The guy sounded nuts so Howard hung up on him. Another caller asked Tobey if his girlfriend likes a little ''mudd on the helmet.'' Howard had to hang up on that guy as well. He tried to get a legitimate caller. One guy called in and said that Tobey will probably back out of the third movie and won't end up doing it because he'll get so big. Tobey said he's absolutely doing the movie and they're writing the story already.
Howard took another call and the caller said that Howard dissed Tobey when they did the Tonight Show together years ago. The guy said that Howard had his back toward Tobey when he came out and ignored him the whole time. Howard told the guy he was nuts and he didn't ignore him.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Tobey how much she likes him. She said that she would have to go with Howard first over him though. Another caller said that Tobey saved his granddaughter's life in the first Spider-Man movie... She was one of the actors in the movie. Howard asked Tobey about the pictures that end up in the tabloids where he looks fat. Tobey said there was one time when he was hanging with friends and stuck his stomach out as a goof and he didn't know that there were photographers around. He said once he stuck that stomach out, he had a feeling that someone had photographed him.
Howard and Artie talked about the movie ''Seabiscuit'' and how great that movie was. Tobey heard from one guy that his daughter was very confused seeing that movie because Spider-Man was riding a horse.
Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that and told Tobey to come visit them in New York sometime. Artie told Tobey to marry the chick he's dating but cheat on her like crazy. He told him to ''live like Dean Martin.'' Howard wished him luck with everything and got off the phone. Howard said he really should change his name to Spider-Man. He thinks that would be cooler than Tobey. Howard forgot to ask Tobey how he gets motivated to play the part of Spider-Man.
Howard said that Chaunce Hayden wrote some weird stuff about the party and he wanted to read that stuff later. He talked about the new radio stations he's going to be on starting this month. He had a new jingle for the 9 markets he's on now after Clear Channel yanked him. Those stations include...
Howard said that they had a meeting the other night about the bulletin board on HowardStern.com and had some problems with it. They had it ready to go up yesterday so they asked him if they should put it up. Howard didn't think anyone would know about it. Within 5 minutes of putting it up, close to 1000 people signed up for it. Howard said that he couldn't believe that so many people signed up so quick. There were 10,000 posts on there within a short time as well. Howard said he went on last night and he doesn't think he'll go on again. Howard said that anyone with an official name will appear in orange.
Howard was getting blasted by people after he set up a thread of his own. He said he may not go on again after seeing some of that stuff. He also said that Tobey Maguire is getting blasted as well and he was just on the show.
The guys that run his web site told Howard that they had some amazing statistics for the site already. They had 3 servers handling the message board and had to add two more. They have five servers now and they may have to put it on even more. The guys told Howard that they have about 13,000 people on at the same time and they hadn't even announced the site officially yet. Howard said he'll be on there for the next two weeks while he's on vacation.
Howard said that they have to get sponsors for this site because it's getting out of hand already. He has been swamped with messages already and one guy told him they really have to get a bunch of moderators in there to clean up some of the stuff. The guys from Dream Tank want to have a VIP room where only certain people will be allowed. Howard said he's been to VIP rooms before and they're usually boring. The guys also said that they think the fans are going to police themselves in the message board so it shouldn't get too out of hand.
When you go on the message board you will see names like Robin Quivers and Baba Booey but those are not official unless they're in orange. Howard took a phone call from a guy who was on the board. He said it's addictive and he's been on it for 6 or 7 hours now. Another guy called in and said that he wanted to be a moderator. Howard said that Joey Boots wants to do that as well because he thinks he knows what people should be doing on those things. The caller said that he could help control the topics that are up there.
The guys from Dream Tank said that they're looking for moderators and if they want to do that, they just have to contact them. Howard asked Artie if he's going to go on the bulletin board. Artie said that he will give it a try eventually. The Dream Tank guys said that Artie hit them up to help out with his web site as well.
A woman from Louisville, Kentucky called in and asked how they can get Howard back on the air down there. They were dropped by Clear Channel down there and they weren't picked back up with the other stations that he announced the other day. Howard told the woman to buy a radio station down there and put him on. That's about the only way it will work right now.
The Dream Tank guys said that Houston the porn star and a bunch of Vivid Video girls will be listed in orange on the web site. The guys also said that they now have an archive of older shows available on the site now so people can go back and check that stuff out. Howard had to take a break so he could move on to other stuff.
Howard said that he and Gary have been talking about Artie's drinking and how they may want to have an intervention for him. Beth came in a short time later and he got aroused because the dress she was wearing looked so good on her. Beth thanked Robin for coming to her party last night. Robin talked about how horrible the traffic was going into the city last night for the party. Howard interrupted them to talk about Artie's drinking. He heard that his drinking was out of hand on Wednesday night. He wonders if his family is doing anything about it. They're apparently not doing it so Howard and Gary want to sit down with him and talk.
Howard had tape of a message that a pizza place left for Artie on Wednesday night when he got home from the comedy show he did. He passed out when he came home and didn't answer the door. Then Artie tripped over the pizza box that was left outside his door the next morning.
Artie said he went to a Yankee game yesterday with Nick DiPaolo and his wife. They all went out to eat at an Italian place. Then they went to the baseball game which turned out to be a great game. He said that he had to leave early to beat the traffic. They left in the 9th inning and he went home with Dana who was dressed in a mini-skirt that had him turned on. He begged to go up to her apartment when he got her home. Dana asked him if he wanted to do it in the car instead of the apartment. They took the car to a spot that Dana knew about that was kind of private. He said he hasn't been that horny since seventh grade. They got to this little alley and parked the car. Dana climbed into the back seat. He left the game on the radio but Dana asked him to turn it off. He had to get out of the car himself to get in the back seat of the car.
Artie said her saw her ass and had to bite it. Then he got in the back seat and it was perhaps the greatest 45 seconds of his life. He was trying to get his shoe off and things just went quick. He said when he was done he turned the radio back on and realized that it took him just one batter to bang her. He said that she probably wasn't satisfied at all. Howard bragged that he can last longer than that. Artie said that it was the best sex he's ever had. Artie hadn't missed anything in the game and it turned out that the game went to 13 innings but the Yankees ended up winning. It was called one of the greatest games in a long time.
Howard told Beth that her dress looked amazing and she wasn't wearing a bra. Artie said she looked stunning. Beth said she didn't want to do this magazine signing today and she doesn't know why she agreed to do\o it. Howard is sure that people will show up for it. Dominic Barbara called in and asked Artie how Dana knew about that spot to park. He said she knew about it because she walks her dog there. He also joked that it's where she bangs the Dominican guy that she's banging on the side.
Dominic was also at Beth's party last night and told her how good she looked. Beth told him he looks good as well but Howard said he doesn't look that good.
Chaunce Hayden was at the party as well and wrote 10 observations about what he saw there. Howard told Beth that he thinks FHM should be paid for that layout. Beth said that she is a columnist for the magazine now so she is getting paid for that. She said that she just got her first batch of questions to answer and she's going to answer them honestly. Gary said he wants to know what she eats in a day but Beth said that she's not going to answer personal questions. She did tell Gary some of the stuff she eats and how she hates drinking water and drinks Diet Coke instead. She's a runner and she really should drink water and she knows it'll catch up to her.
Howard gave Beth a couple of plugs and then read Chaunce Hayden's observations. Chaunce said that Howard had to wear a bright orange shirt that screamed ''Look at me.'' Howard and the guys think that Chaunce is gay for Howard and he just can't keep his attention off of him. Chaunce was on the phone so Howard told him that he's a queen. Howard read his second observation about Robin's Mr. X who would attach himself to every black woman he could find. The guys spent a short time talking about that.
Chaunce wrote a statement about Benjy who was very sweaty there at the party. Beth said she kissed him and her makeup came off because he was so sweaty. Howard said that he decided to shake hands with people and he went up to shake Benjy's hand. He shook his hand and it was sopping wet. He saw him wiping his hand right after that. Gary said that Benjy kissed his wife hello as well and she had to wipe herself off with a napkin. Chaunce wrote about Benjy's girlfriend and how out of his league she is. He thinks that there's something weird going on there and it will eventually come out in the future. Gary said that she's really ''normal'' when you talk to her and it just seems odd.
Howard and the guys checked out some of the photos in Beth's layout. Howard was looking for one picture to show Robin. They all loved the picture but there was a quote about how Beth shaves down below and it kind of ruined it. There's another one where she says that if she ever sees Angie Everhart she'd beat the living daylights out of her. She was just joking around when she said that. She said that she was really bummed when she saw the whole layout.
Chaunce wrote about how bad the drink choices and bad food there were at the party. Chaunce saw Richard Christy who was there at the party by himself. Doug Goodstein from E! has apparently grabbed Ivana, the guest they had on the show yesterday, and asked Chaunce to put her on the cover of the magazine. Doug said he was just goofing around with him and Chaunce should be locked up in a mental institution.
Chaunce commented on Gary and Dominic Barbara and how they look deflated after losing weight. He also talked about how Beth had to do some things to get some attention because Howard was stealing her thunder wearing that orange shirt of his. He noticed that Ralph and Howard look very similar because they have the same hair cut and jewelry. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and asked how Chaunce can comment on people when he's a hunchback himself. Gary got in on that and goofed on the clothes he was wearing yesterday when he came on the show.
Double A showed up this morning to say hello to Beth. Double A is a huge fan of Beth's and brought in his copy of the magazine. Howard asked him if he has pleasured himself to the magazine. He said that he has used half a box of tissues doing that. Howard congratulated Beth on her layout and then let Double A show off his new tattoo. It's a shot of Howard from ''Private Parts.'' He wanted Howard to sign it to make the tattoo even more ''awesome.'' Howard signed it and asked him which arm he uses when he pleasures himself. Double A said that he is righty and the tattoo is on that arm. Artie said it looks like Howard is giving him oral when he uses that arm.
Beth lifted up her leg at one point to show Howard her shoes and Double A almost passed out. Gary said he got a little shaky himself when that happened. Howard wrapped up and went to break shortly after that.
Howard and Robin talked about Ted and how his father got him a job at ABC right after he got out of college. All he had to do was watch movies and figure out what to edit out and where to put the commercials. Then the next thing he knew he was the President of ABC. Artie knew him when he was working with him at NBC on the sitcom deal that fell through. Artie said the guy was cool about Howard when he talked to him about it. Howard is hoping that they take care of him a little better than when Mindy Herman was there at E!. He said that she didn't know how to do that for some reason. Howard read some stuff about Ted and the stuff he's tried to get on TV. All of the stuff he's tried to do have failed.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel has Adam Corolla on his show tonight and jokingly said ''I wonder how he got him on the show...'' Artie saw one of Jimmy's producers at the Yankee game last night so they talked about that for a minute.
Howard said there are some articles about the new stations he just picked up and how he'll be even more of a political force than it was. He played the country jingle he played earlier in the morning where they sing about the nine markets he's on it. Howard had Richard Christy come in a short time later. He was at the FHM party last night and claims that he was welcomed to the show while he was there. Howard said he wants Richard to work in the office with everyone else since he's part of the crew now. He jokingly told him to clean the bathrooms as well.
Richard didn't get laid last night but he said that Doug was helping him out while he was talking to a woman at the party. He pretended to be a big fan. Howard read some e-mail about the voting and how people had a tough time picking the person to vote for. Some people believe that Sal deserved the job. Another person wrote in and said that Christy deserved the win. People were writing in about how good Sal and Yucko were in the contest and how they want to hear them on the show more.
Howard talked about how his bulletin board ended up crashing after they announced it this morning. He said he may have to take advertisers to help pay for servers because of all of that.
More e-mail about the ''Get John's Job'' contest. Some people think he won because he was just a regular fan of the show and not a regular like the other 9 contestants. Another person wondered how Christy got the job and wanted a recount. Howard is also getting a lot of mail about the fact that they're back on in a bunch of markets that he was taken off in. He read a few of those e-mails and people are really thrilled that he's back.
Some people were upset that some of their favorite deejays lost their jobs because Howard is taking over the morning slots. Other people wrote in and thanked Howard for doing what he's doing because they want Bush out of office.
Howard said that people are saying that Artie is getting mean when he drinks so much and his personality is changing when that happens. Gary came in and said that he and his wife were talking about his drinking and how Howard's show is holding his life together right now. He said that he doesn't seem as happy as he was when he first started on the show. Artie said that he's thrilled to be on the show and he's happier now than he's ever been. Robin said that when Artie goes to a party he is with the drink when he's there, he's not there with his girlfriend. He actually dances with his Jack and water. Gary and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking to him about the drinking and hope that he doesn't get angry somewhere that he's not surrounded by friends.
Robin said it was very uncomfortable out in Las Vegas with Artie when he'd gotten plastered and started acting very odd. Scott DePace came in and said that he thinks it's the fans who egg him on. He said they just keep giving him drink after drink after drink. Howard said the weird thing is that Artie has been walking around with an Apple iPod lately. Artie said his sister got it for him and it's great.
Howard asked all of the guys in the studio if they think that he really needs to talk to Artie about this. Fred and Gary said that they thinks he does need to talk to him. Scott DePace said that Artie is a grown up and he doesn't need that talk. KC came in and told him that he thinks the same thing. He's a grown man and he knows what he's doing. KC needed to be talked to as well but he says he was going to quit gambling before he had that talk.
Artie said that he never drinks like that during the week like he did on Wednesday night. Howard asked Artie why he has to do the shots that people bring him up on stage. Artie said that it's not the listeners, it's just hard for him to say no to the drinks. Robin said that other people have come to her and told her that Artie has a lot of other problems and doesn't love himself.
Howard asked Artie to start loving himself and said he was done talking about this stuff. Artie said this intervention was feeling weird because there were 20 million people listening in. Howard told Artie he loves him. He also brought in Mark Wahlberg while this was going on.
Mark asked if Artie has gotten arrested. Howard told him that he's been arrested many times. They talked about Artie's failed phony bank robbery and the cocaine arrest among others. Artie told a story about how he got his face smashed by a bouncer at a club one time. He didn't even remember what happened the next day. Robin said that's the big problem, Artie blacks out when he drinks and it's out of hand. Artie said when he blacks out it's the best time of his life. Howard had to cut them off and take a break before talking to Mark and Kevin more about their HBO show.
After the break Howard said he as logged on to the HowardStern.com bulletin board and there were 20,000 people on there. He got back to Mark Wahlberg and reminded everyone who he was. Kevin Connelly was there and told Howard about how he was on ''Unhappily Ever After'' for 5 years. He dated Nikki Cox for a little while and he was really embarrassed when she ran off with Bobcat Golthwait. Artie worked with her on ''The Norm Show'' for a year and they had a hard time concentrating on work because she was so hot. Kevin talked about how great it was to go out with her. He dated for for 4 years. They broke up for a while and then he read that she was with Bobcat. They weren't together at the time but it was still a shock to him. He said they're friends now and Nikki and Bobcat are getting married. Bobcat left his wife of 17 years for Nikki.
Mark Wahlberg didn't even know who Bobcat was until everyone told him who he was. Kevin said that Bobcat is a cool guy but Howard wasn't so thrilled with him. He said he's alright but he's had problems with the guy in the past.
Kevin told Howard how young Nikki was back then and how he doesn't think he was her first. Howard thought that she may have been. Howard joked that Mark carries around a card with him that shows him the age of consent in every state just so he knows how young he can bang. Mark mentioned that Kevin is appearing in the movie ''The Notebook.'' That led to Howard talking about this show on HBO that Mark produced called ''The Entourage.'' Howard said that they have an actor on the show who has all of these people who follow him around. The guy has people who will read scripts for him and Howard wondered if that character is based on Mark. Mark said that he reads his scripts but he knows there are people who don't and have other people read scripts for him.
Howard talked to Mark about his girlfriend Rhea Durham who's really hot according to Howard. Mark and Rhea have a kid together and they were talking about getting married. Howard doesn't think he'll be able to stay faithful to this woman but Mark says he's going to defy the odds. Howard tried to talk to him about the marriage and how he doesn't think it can possibly last.
Howard said that after Rhea had the baby Mark went off and dated Jessica Alba. Mark said that wasn't true either. Howard doesn't think that he's going to be able to stay married to this chick. Mark said they did break up for a little while after she had the baby. He said women go through things after having a baby and they needed some time apart. Howard wondered if the trick is to wait to see if the chick loses the weight after having the baby. Maybe Mark told her he'd be back after she lost the baby weight. Mark said that wasn't the case either. He said that it's tough to have a relationship ''in the business.''
Howard is really taken with Rhea and he knows that after you've been with a chick for a long time, he's going to need more excitement. Howard changed subjects after that and said that Mark was scheduled to be on one of the flights that ended up crashing into the World Trade Center on 9/11. He said he changed his plans and ended up going up to Canada instead. Mark said he would have tried to have done as much as possible up if he had been on that flight. That led to Artie and Howard doing their Arab impressions and creating conversations that could have happened on that flight.
Howard wondered when the wedding is going to happen and if he's invited. Mark said he was invited until this morning talking about all of this stuff. They spent a couple more minutes talking about Mark and Rhea's kid. Mark said he wants to keep his daughter away from show business as much as possible.
Howard asked Mark if Rhea went out and dated when they split up. He heard that Mark threatened to kick Lenny Kravitz's ass when he hit on Rhea. Mark said that wasn't true. Howard took some phone calls after that. A listener asked Mark why he doesn't beat Eminem's ass because he's always insulting him. Mark said that's not true and he's never bad mouthed him. He said that he's mentioned his name in a couple of songs but he doesn't see it as bad mouthing him.
Howard wrapped up the interview after that and said he was sorry for his loss of Nikki Cox. Kevin said that he's gotten other hot girls because he had Nikki for a while. He said he didn't want to talk about who else he's dated though. Howard wished the guys luck with ''The Entourage'' which starts airing on July 17th on HBO. He went to break shortly after that.
Mike Walker said that the people at the National Enquirer down in Florida are thrilled that they're going to be able to hear Howard again now that he's back on the air. Howard and Mike spent a couple of minutes talking about that and how much support Howard seems to be getting in the whole battle against the FCC and President Bush. Mike seems to believe that if Bush loses the election, Howard is going to get credit for that. Mike asked the guys to get his name hooked up for him on the new bulletin board. Gary said he's already set up and they just need to give him his password.
Howard had Mike move on to his game after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
A listener called in and told Howard that there's some nut down in Florida who wants to start a letter writing campaign to get Howard off the air before he even starts. Howard said he can't believe people have time for that and said that she should put her energy toward straightening out the voting mess in Florida instead.
Chaunce Hayden called in around 10:30 and told Howard he heard that Marlon Brando had just passed away. He said it was something that came through the internet so the guys figured it was a phony story. Robin hadn't heard anything at that point so they weren't sure it was true or not.
Howard said goodbye to one of their sales managers there at the station, Frank Flores. Frank told Howard it's a different company now that Mel Karmazin is gone. He took a job at a company where he'll be managing two Spanish language radio stations there in New York. Howard talked to him for a couple of minutes about the stuff they've gone through over the years and told him he was a great guy. He said that he was the heart and soul of the station while he was there. He said that it's like a family member leaving the family. Gary and Robin both had some very nice things to say about him as well.
Frank said that leaving the station is really hard for him but since Mel is gone it's not the same place. He loves Howard's show and he always told people how great Howard was. Howard isn't even sure how much longer he'll be there either. He also said that he may even give Frank his e-mail address now that he's leaving. He's been asking for it for years now... Frank worked with Howard for 14 years and with the company for 23 years. Howard thinks Frank will be back in a month because there's no money in Spanish radio advertising.