Howard started off the morning talking about hating Monday mornings. He said that he's used to sleeping with someone every night but Beth was out of town last night and he doesn't sleep well when she's not around. He knows that Robin will make fun of him for that. Robin told him that he should get someone else to sleep with if it's like that. Howard said that after he got divorced he found that he was in a frenzy every night and he realizes now that it wasn't a sexual thing, it was just that he needed companionship. Robin seems to think that it's also fear of not having someone there for you.
Howard was up watching some TV but he wasn't able to sleep and had to pull out some porn to watch even though he'd had sex with Beth that morning. He had to finish himself off again last night. He laid down on the bed with his tissues and stuff and prepared to watch the Tera Patrick video he'd brought home the other day. As he started to describe this he said that Robin had this big smile on her face. She said she really doesn't know how to react when he talks about stuff like that.
Howard talked about how hot Tera Patrick is and how he doesn't find a lot of porn chicks attractive. She was just in recently so she was fresh in his mind. He doesn't like that she's married and that freaked him out a little bit. She will only make love to her husband in her porn videos now. He went on to talk about how there was a lot of talk going on in this video of her's that he was watching. She was also wearing a top that didn't work for her very well. He said it looked like she had a belly even though she doesn't. She was talking about her husband and all of the troubles she's had with the porn business.
Howard said that when the porn scenes started he wasn't able to watch it. He said it was like watching home videos because she's doing her husband and he has no desire to watch it. He's not even sure why that is though. There's something different about what they're doing and he can't figure out exactly what it is. Howard ended up fast forwarding through the video because he heard that she does a sex scene with Savanna Samson and he likes her a lot. He eventually fast forwarded through to Savanna and Tera's scene. Tera claims to have never had another woman so this was supposed to be her first.
Howard said Savanna and Tera were talking to each other about how appreciative of each other they were and he was ready to go before they even started their scene. He said once they started with each other, he was done. He talked about how Tera looked like a pro within seconds of starting with Savanna. He said the scenes were a little too graphic for him though. They were showing things that Robin's gynecologist has never seen.
Howard told Robin that he's disgusted with porn after watching something like that. He was going to just go to sleep without throwing out his gooey tissues but he was afraid someone would come in and find them. He laid there trying to figure out if he should get up and throw them away or not. He eventually got up to throw them in the toilet and flush them. He got up, did that and then had to make something to eat at about 10 o'clock at night. He got back in bed, ate his salad and watched some more of the basketball game that was on.
Howard talked about the game and his salad. He still wasn't able to sleep last night because he had a million things on his mind. He's been working on his cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' and who should draw the cartoons. He said that Spike TV approved the pilot script so he has to put that together. He was also obsessing about his chigger bite that still hasn't gone away. He's had it since they were in Las Vegas last month. Robin still has hers but Beth's are gone now. Howard is going to go to a dermatologist today to get the bite checked out.
He took an Ambien to try and get to sleep and that eventually worked. He said he was very groggy when he woke up this morning and his throat was all dry. He said he's never taking that stuff again. If Beth isn't home tonight he said that he's going to find another woman to sleep with him.
Howard watched the MTV Movie Awards show and it was horrible according to him. He continued to talk about the things that were upsetting him last night and how tough it was for him. He told Robin how old he's feeling these days. He was touching his ass and felt loose skin back there so he started to think about how he's an old guy now.
Howard brought up Lindsey Lohan who was on the MTV Movie Awards. He said she's pretty cute but she's got pretty big legs for a 17 year old. The MTV stuff has gotten really sanitized these days according to Howard. That led to Howard thinking about the Clear Channel stuff that's been going on lately and how they settled with the FCC for some outstanding fines they had. Howard said it's making him nuts because the FCC is pulling out fines for past broadcasts and fining him for them. They've been changing rules and shaking down huge corporations for huge amounts of money. He went off on Michael Powell about how he seems to be having a ball with this stuff because he's getting in the news. He got back to his porn movie discussion after going off on Powell for a minute. He wrapped things up after that and went to commercial break.
One guy sent in his version of Vinnie's song ''Restless, Restless'' and he had the right idea. He had some sad music playing in the background and he cried as he read the lyrics to the song that Howard has played on the air a bunch of times. It actually worked pretty good and Howard described it as being almost like a William Shatner reading of a song. Howard said it was pretty damn good too.
Gary was out in Los Angeles over the weekend so Howard ended up hearing about it from David Spade. Howard said that he heard from Spade that he was going to see the comedy show that Gary was hosting. Gary said that he hates doing that stuff but he gets paid very well just to introduce those guys. Gary said he feels really untalented when he does stuff like that. He was there with Artie, Nick DiPaolo and Rev. Bob Levy.
Gary was telling Howard how Artie just complains about stuff the whole time he's out there. He talked about some of the stuff that happened out there with him. Artie isn't in today because he's still out in Los Angeles. He'll be back tomorrow. Benjy took over his chair this morning so Howard wondered why that was. Benjy told him that it's more comfortable.
Gary told Howard about the Friday night show they did out there in Los Angeles. Artie was miserable but people like Jim Florentine and Rev. Bob Levy don't seem to mind it all that much. Gary said that Artie gets on stage after everyone else gets up there and does their thing. He drinks his Jack and water all night and then downs like 3 shots of Petrone. He said people were bringing him shots all night and he ends up drinking all night. Gary said that he really can drink.
Artie showed up at the gym the next morning and said that he had to sweat out the peppermint schnapps that he accidentally drank the night before. They were also out in the middle of nowhere without their own car. Melrose Larry Green showed up at the hotel and he had his car there so he got himself in the group out there. He got to go along with them to a couple of things but he wasn't that bad according to Gary. Gary told Howard that the people at the club they were at were going nuts for Artie. At the end of the show all of the comedians came out and when Artie came out, he put his arms up and people would come up and touch him like he was Jesus Christ or something. He said that Artie doesn't want that though.
Artie's buddy Sam Simon called in to talk about some stuff. Sam was one of the creators of ''The Simpsons.'' He went on to tell Howard that he ran into Stuttering John out there at the show. Howard was going to let Gary tell the story because of the FCC things that are going on. Gary went on to tell a story about how John did a show with Artie about 8 months ago and took a crap shortly before meeting Sam's wife. He came out and shook her hand after not washing his hands. That offended Sam way back then. This time John was at Artie's show and John said he had to go to the bathroom again. The bathroom is in the green room and it's not blocked off by walls that go to the ceiling. Sam told Howard that he was in the room and he could hear John making noises that you shouldn't have to hear. He also said that John had to announce that he was going to the bathroom before he went.
Gary told Howard that the comedians had to stand in the hall because of what John had done in the bathroom. Then Sam said that he had to show Gary what John did to the toilet. It was soiled even though they had to flush it a few times. Sam said that John didn't flush it. Sam said that John refused to flush the toilet himself a few times after his mess wouldn't go down. Sam was really upset about the whole thing because John made a janitor come in and clean up and spray some stuff to get rid of the smell. Howard and Robin talked about how it's all about John and now he thinks that he's bigger than ever because he's working on the Tonight Show.
Gary told Howard that on Saturday night everyone went out after the comedy show and John went along. Gary said that there are some people who feel a little burnt by John. John didn't offer to pay for the food that they ordered that night. There was one guy there at the dinner and one guy told John that he assumes too much and didn't even offer to pay for dinner. Gary said he saw JOhn and this guy Michael in each other's faces and they were ready to fight. Gary said he thinks that JOhn paid his part of the bill and left. Gary got a call from JOhn after that and he thinks he was trying to do some damage control.
Sam told Howard that Gary got a dog and he got him this great dog training book and he ended up leaving it behind one night. There was also a rumor that KC had gotten engaged out there but Gary said he heard that was all a joke. Howard brought up Sam's girlfriend after that and talked about her for a short time. He said that Sam ends up giving his girlfriend's whole resume when he introduces her. Sam said that he's actually older than his girlfriend's mother. He wouldn't say exactly how old she is because he's not sure she wants that known.
Howard let Sam go after that. Robin reminded him that he forgot to talk to Sam about how he brought an extra person along with him to a dinner one night while they were out in Las Vegas. Howard told the story about how he just wanted to get a couple of people from the show together for dinner but more people showed up than he thought were going to. Sam Simon brought along this guy with him who he didn't know and he got a little upset about it. Sam called back in a short time later and asked Howard if he was serious about that. Howard said he was so Sam went on to tell Howard that his butler was calling people telling them that the limo was going to come and pick the people up. Howard said he had no idea that stuff was going on. Howard told Sam that he doesn't have a butler, he was just a guy who worked for them at the hotel. Sam said that the only way he can get in touch with Howard out there is by calling his butler. Howard said he could call Gary and get in touch with him. Sam also said that if the situation were reversed, he wouldn't mind if Howard brought along a friend. Howard told him that he would ask him before doing something like that and that was his point.
Howard said that there was no seat for his agent at the table that night because of the extra person that Sam brought with him. Sam sounded kind of upset about Howard giving him a hard time about the whole thing. Howard let him go after a few minutes and took another break.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked him if he'd gone fishing yet with his friend Will. Howard said he hasn't gone out yet but he wants to go eventually. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy. Another caller brought up the discussion he had earlier about missing Beth so much when she wasn't there for him last night. The caller ended up asking for a prize so Howard had to tell him they have a new rule about asking for prizes when you call in. He won't give away anything like that anymore.
Another caller told Howard that Imus had dropped an ''S-bomb'' this morning and he was very offended. Howard told him not to call him, call the FCC instead. Another caller brought up Bobcat Golthwait and how old looking he's gotten lately. Howard talked about how he saw him in a Jimmy Kimmel produced movie and he really does look a bit older than he is. He didn't bad mouth the guy though, he just let it go and got off the line with the guy so he could move on to Jerri Manthey from ''Survivor.''
He brought Jerri in a short time later and told her not to be ''normal'' this morning. He said he'd be afraid to go out with her because she seems a bit crazy. Jerri told Howard that ''Survivor'' would make him crazy as well. She said that everyone is different off camera than they are on camera. They had to separate people back stage on that season finale show.
Jerri told Howard and Robin how nuts she went after Rupert built the shelter on the beach, three feet into the sand where the tide was coming in. She said that they build houses 10 feet in the air in that country because of the amount of water there. Jerri said that she tried to bring her concerns up to Rupert that day but he went off on her and ripped her apart. She said that it freaked her out so much that she withdrew and didn't say much after that. Robin said she noticed that on the show after that incident.
Howard asked Jerri about her rant on the season finale and what she was trying to get out of that. She said that the producers don't care about them or how they get treated. Jerri told Howard that they cut the show to make her look like a villain when she's really not. She said she tried not to let it bother her but when everyone got back together on that show back stage, there were some people who were very upset.
Jerri told Howard that she's now working for a company called Instant Films that makes movies every month. She's also the host of a new game show called Extreme Dodgeball which is going to air on GSN which was formerly known as the Game Show Network. She talked about how the game is getting really popular around the country right now. Jerri said that the teams have themes like Sumo wrestling teams, Mime teams and stuff like that. Howard said he'd like to play against mimes himself.
Howard talked about Jerri walking off the season finale ''Survivor'' show and asked her what it was she wanted to say. She said she felt like she was on the Jerry Springer show or something that night and she didn't want to be there. She said that's not what she signed up for. Jerri was upset that they had thousands of people in the audience and none of them would listen to her. She said they had no reason to be there and she didn't want to be part of it anymore. Howard told her that the audience reacting live was a good thing and that's what the show is all about. Jerri said that she didn't sign up for something like that and it upset her.
Howard told Jerri that he thinks that she's upset that people don't like her and she's not used to that. He told her that she's missing the whole point of ''Survivor.'' He talked about how Big Tom didn't seem to get the game either because he was so upset about deals being broken... it's a game and that stuff happens. Howard told Jerri that he wanted to explain to her that when you're playing a game like that, no one can be your friend. Jerri told him that he has to explain that to Lex, not to her. Howard told her that Lex is mentally ill as well.
Jerri talked about how she went to see the show's Psychiatrist and she calmed her down after all of that. Howard said that all of this is crazy stuff and she should have known what she was in for after being on the show for the second time. Jerri was a little upset about the conditions on the beach and how even the cameramen ran off on one stormy night. She said that no one cared and she almost walked off the show. She said that she's never quit anything in her life and she wasn't about to quit that show.
Jerri told Howard that she spoke to Mark Burnett personally and let him know what her feelings were on the whole thing. Jerri said she complained about Jeff Probst not controlling the audience that night and stuff like that. She said she realized that what she did would lead to her being discussed for weeks after that.
Howard asked Jerri if she's had any plastic surgery done because she looks really good. She said she hasn't had anything done and her boobs only looked bigger because she was wearing a push-up bra. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he saw Jerri trying to get int a club in Mexico one time by yelling about how she was on ''Survivor.'' Jerri claims that she has never used that show to get anything like that. The guy went off on her for a short time and knew that she was down in Cabo doing this stuff. The guy was saying that she's a liar and she did do what he was saying. Jerri said that she would never do something like that.
Jerri said that being known as ''Jerri from Survivor'' is embarrassing to her and she'd never do something like that to get anything. She claims that she shushes people when they bring up where they know her from because she's so embarrassed by it. The caller swore that he saw her down there with a couple of friends but Jerri said she was there alone.
Gary came in and said that Jerri was talking about how she thinks the second million dollar giveaway may have been set up because they all knew that Rupert was going to win. She said that she had friends who set up voting systems that could send in multiple votes but CBS ended up blocking them even though they said that people could vote as many times as they wanted to. Robin seems to think that Jerri will eventually sign on to do another season of ''Survivor All Stars'' eventually. She claims that she'll never do it again though.
A woman called in and told Howard that Jerri was on ''The Surreal Life'' after ''Survivor'' and it's obvious that she just wants to be on TV. Jerri said she had a great time on that show and made some great friends from the show.
Jerri told Howard that she's with this guy Brian Foley now and he's in this band that she's in. He's a fire spinner and he eats fire as well. She talked about the fire spinning thing a little bit and said that she's burned her hair and her arms a couple of times. She said that it's a beautiful art form and she really enjoys doing it.
Jerri said that she's friends with Rob and Amber who got engaged on the Season Finale that night. She said she heard that they were actually engaged 3 weeks before that though. She said if they were sincere about the relationship, they wouldn't take advantage of it on the air like that. Howard let a few more phone callers through after that and let some people talk to her. There were some people who were fans of hers and tried to make her feel better. There were a couple more guys who bashed her as well.
Jerri said that the night she walked off the show she was so upset that she had snot bubbles coming out of her nose. That's why she wanted to get off the show completely. Howard and Robin seem to think it all had to do with the fact that people don't like her. She said there are people who like her though. She also said that Rupert is painted to be this saint on the show and people don't know that he's not nice all the time. She said that she saw the other side of Rupert while she was out there.
Howard gave Jerri a plug for the Extreme Dodgeball show which premieres tomorrow night on GSN. He wrapped up the interview a short time later and went to commercial break.
Howard talked about how great the weather was over the weekend there in New York. Howard went out to dinner with Chris Booker and Linda Lopez. He tried to find out about Jennifer Lopez's wedding but Linda wasn't going to tell him anything about it. He said that it was probably best that she didn't because if she saw any reports in the paper about the wedding, she'd think that he talked about it.
Howard said that Chris Booker is working over at Z-100 now and he was telling him how their studios are state of the art over there and everything is computerized. He said he wants to go over and see that because he doesn't have anything like that going on there at his station. Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard that they are getting that system that Z-100 has in about a month. Howard and Fred are going to have computer screens where they'll be able to control that stuff. Gary told Howard that they've been getting that system ''in a month'' for about a year now.
Scott was telling Howard about the system and how he would be able to use some of it on his show. He'd be able to pull songs from their music library and stuff like that. They were also saying that Fred's job would be easier as far as commercials.. but he doesn't run them anymore. They have this guy Louis there who runs them for them. That led to Howard talking about how he wanted to free Fred up so he could talk to him during the commercials but now he runs out to the bathroom every break instead.
Howard talked about how bad things have gotten as far as his show being censored lately and how Tom has been ruining their bits and now they're ruining Best of Stern by bleeping it. He said he might have to put a stop to that and not let Tom do that anymore. Gary told Howard they can't stop playing Best of because it brings a lot of money into the station.
Bob said that he really has to win this job because of all of that stuff. He's going to be trying as hard as possible to win this position. Bob has a game called ''You Bet Your Bitch'' today. Bob had this guy Pasquale come in. He has a band and he's desperate to make it in the business. He's 28 years old and he needs to make it. Bob said that he's going to have Pasquale's girlfriend blindfolded and he's going to ask Pasquale a question. Every time he gets one wrong his girlfriend is going to have to make out with one of three people. While he was explaining this, the microphones were giving Howard a problem so he went nuts and said he's out of there.
Bob got back to the game and said that the girl will have to make out with either Pasquale, High Pitch Erik or Jeff the Drunk. She has to pick a number and whoever she picks, she has to kiss. Jeff the Drunk came in and Gary told him that he may have soiled his pants already. Howard said that there was a stain on the back of his pants. Howard said hello to High Pitch Erik quickly and then said that Stephanie, Pasquale's wife, will be blindfolded. She said that she was ''extremely'' nervous about this. She's only doing it because Pasquale will get his CD played on the air if he goes through the whole game.
Bob took over the show for a minute and asked Pasquale ''They're the only two planets whose orbits cross.'' and waited for Pasquale's answer. He said it was Jupiter and Uranus. He was wrong so Stephanie had to pick a number. She picked number 3... which was her husband Pasquale. She lucked out and didn't have to kiss Jeff or Erik. The two of them were looking forward to kissing her.
Bob asked Pasquale a couple more questions after that and he got a couple right so Stephanie didn't have to do too many kisses. He eventually missed another one so she picked number 1 and had to make out with that person. It turned out to be High Pitch Erik. She was supposed to make out with him for 5 seconds but it lasted about 1 second. She said she couldn't do it and almost puked. She told Howard that she couldn't do that again. Gary said that it was really weird because Erik looked like a rapist or something the way he pulled her head into his face.
Bob asked Pasquale another question and he wasn't able to answer it. Stephanie had to pick another number. She picked number 1 again and got Jeff the Drunk. She told her husband she couldn't do it. Howard told her that if she did it he'd play Pasquale's CD. She was talking as Jeff was trying to kiss her so they told her she couldn't do that. Pasquale asked her to please do it and he'd owe her big time. She was telling Jeff how bad he looked and Jeff was getting a bit upset. Gary did the counting and Stephanie went for it. She made it through the 5 seconds and asked Howard not to ever air that on his TV show.
Jeff the Drunk was pissed that she thought he was disgusting after making out with High Pitch Erik a minute later. Erik was telling Stephanie that she should do anything her husband wants if she's faithful to him. Howard said that she did it for her man and Pasquale went over and kissed her after all of that. The guys sounded kind of grossed out by the whole thing.
Howard played some of Pasquale's CD and let people hear what he was there to promote. Howard played his song ''Whole Again.'' He said that on just about every song he played all of the instruments and sang. On the track that was being played, he just played guitar. Howard let the song play for a short time and said it wasn't horrible. Howard said it's not his cup of tea but he could see someone liking it. Robin didn't seem to think it was horrible either but she didn't sound like a big fan either.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people give their opinions about the song. One woman called in and said that Bob's game sucked. She thought he bombed today and said that she won't listen if they hire him. A few people said that the music was bad as well.
Pasquale got in a plug for his bands Pasquale and Sadistic Youth. He said that the CD should be in local stores soon. High Pitch Erik got in a plug for the comedy shows he's doing every Thursday night at the Lunar Lounge where he does impressions of OJ Simpson and Robert De Niro among others. He demonstrated some of those quickly before Howard went to break. He can't really change his voice all that much so they were hardly impressions.
Artie said he had some meetings with some guys out there in L.A. about a movie that he and Frank Sebastiano wrote together. They went out to dinner with these guys last night and talked about the movie. Artie said they could make the movie for about a million bucks but they want to get a little more of a budget.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that while Rush is married to that woman, she can't testify against him. He believes that he probably has a pre-nuptial agreement and this is her way of using leverage to get more money out of him. Howard said he doesn't get why people get married anymore because of what happens when they end up getting divorced. Artie said he knows like 5 guys who are going through nightmarish divorces and he just doesn't get it. Dominic had to get going because he was involved with a divorce case that had been dragging on for like 4 weeks or something like that.
Artie continued to do his Rush impression through the discussion they were having about him. Howard goofed on Rush for quite a while about his Oxycotin use and stuff like that. Howard was also happy to see Artie back so early. He said they'd talk more about the comedy show stuff that they talked about earlier in the morning on tomorrow's show.
Howard started off the show talking about the premiere of ''Fahrenheit 911'' which Robin went to last night. Robin said that there were a lot of people there. Howard wasn't able to make it there. Robin told Howard how good the movie was and how it was her favorite movie from Michael Moore so far. She said it paints an interesting picture of the Bush administration. There were some interesting things in the movie that Robin told Howard about. His ties to the bin Laden's and other Saudi Arabian families that have helped out his family.
Howard said he saw that Chevy Chase was at the movie premiere. Robin said she saw Al Franken there as well as Phil Donohue. She said he looks real good these days. She hadn't seen him in a long time so she was surprised to see him there. She couldn't remember seeing many other celebrities there at the premiere.
Howard said he pleasured himself to that Tera Patrick movie again last night. He's really into Tera since she was in last week. He said the movie he's been watching is the ''Tera, Tera, Tera'' flick. He was supposed to have brought the movie in with him so they could play some clips of it on the air but it's still in his DVD player paused so he can start it from where he left off.
He said his favorite part is where Tera and Savanna Samson get it on. He told Artie about all of this since he wasn't in yesterday when he talked about it then. Howard said that Tera was supposed to have been doing Savanna for the first time but she was doing stuff that made it look like she had been doing it before. He said he ended up forwarding through that and found a decent spot to watch the video from where Tera was taking off Savanna's clothes. Tera was sucking on the heel of the shoe that Savanna was wearing. He said that Savanna took off Tera's panties and put them in her mouth and worked her way up to Tera's mouth. She made out with her with the panties still in her mouth. Howard said that didn't do it for him but when he got to a spot where Savanna started to work on Tera, he was done. He said his headache went away after he released. He said it was like everything feels okay after that. It must be like the feeling of taking heroin or something according to Howard.
Howard talked about how he got right up after that and threw away the tissues he'd soiled. He was still awake after that and watched an episode of ''According to Jim'' which was very weird. He said that Dan Aykroyd and Lorraine Neuman were on the show and it seems like they're doing what they used to goof on when they were on Saturday Night Live. Howard didn't think the show was all that bad but it did put him to sleep.
Howard and the guys talked about how bad Saturday Night Live has gotten over the years. They used to goof on a lot of the stuff they're doing on the show these days. In the early days they wouldn't have had the equivalent of a Justin Timberlake hosting that show.
Howard said that Tera needs to moan and talk dirty more in her video. Artie told Howard that there are some movies that Tabitha Stevens does where you can get of just from the audio in them. He told Howard that the first ''Sopornos,'' ''Above the Rim'' and ''8 Handfuls of Fun'' are a few of her best.
Howard said that Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) sent him a link to a web site that was so dirty that Chaunce wasn't even sure it was legal. Howard went on and said it was legal but there were some disclaimers on the site telling people to make sure that the laws in their local area allow them to do it. Howard said that he's not sure that the stuff is really legal.. but the web site is InSex.com. He told the guys about one of the things that they did to the chicks where they froze a chick's feet. There were other scenes where they had women hanging by their boobs from trees and stuff. Howard didn't get it and he wasn't into what he was seeing. That led to the guys talking about other weird videos they've seen.
Chaunce called in and told Howard that he heard that the girls who go up there get paid $10,000 to go through that stuff. He talked about some of the other weird stuff that goes on up there. He said there are scenes where they shock their private parts, hang them from their hair or boobs. Chaunce said that they get girls who have no idea what they're in for and they never go back into the industry again. He's heard stories that there are girls who go up there and never come back. He said he'd be afraid to sign up on that site because if someone actually was killed up there, he might be considered an accomplice or something weird like that.
Chaunce said there are scenes on the site where the women are tied up and guys are doing them. Howard thought that would be considered rape. Chaunce told Howard that their faces aren't hidden either. He said that there's a lot of free stuff on the site that Howard didn't know about. Howard thought there were only 2 free things on the site but Chaunce said you can go back 3 years and find the older stuff. Chaunce told the guys about how they put girls under water and keep them there while they freak out not knowing if they're going to be let out in time. Chaunce knew a lot of details about what goes on there so they were thinking he might be part of it. Chaunce says that he's not though, he just downloads the free stuff. Howard had to take a break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard also had an audio clip of Bill O'Reilly encouraging his fans to go to his web site to buy his crap in time for Father's day. Howard said the stuff he's selling over there at his web site is the stuff that radio stations used to give away for free. He seems to think that the guy has enough money and doesn't need to sell crap like that to his fans.
Captain Janks called in and asked Howard if he'd seen the press conference that John Ashcroft did yesterday. In the press conference Ashcroft talks about how the fines for terrorism are $250,000. Meanwhile, they fine Howard $1.7 million for broadcasting something they find ''indecent.'' Janks said that there's something wrong there when a terrorist act brings less of a fine than a broadcast that Howard does.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he sees Artie all the time in Hoboken, New Jersey and he's always alone. The guy also brought up a web site that Star Jones has about her upcoming wedding called StarAndAl.com. Howard tried to get on the site but he wasn't able to get it up fast enough so he could check it out. The E! guys got on and checked it out. He was able to view it a short time later. He was reading through the stuff that was on there but found that he had to log in. Gary told him to just put in anything and he'd get on. Howard wondered who they were doing the site for. Gary had no idea. Howard pointed out that they took about 50 pounds off of Star in the pictures on the site. He read through the story about how Star and her fiancee met.
Howard reminded everyone that there were rumors about Star's fiancee having some sexual encounters with dudes in the past. He read through more of the wacky stuff on the site after Gary told him about how much more there was on there. Howard finally figured out what the site was there for... There were gift registries on there so people can send gifts to her.
Howard liked how airbrushed the photo was of Star. He was also trying to get into some of the site that was password protected but wasn't able to figure out what the secret to Star and Al's love was. He spent a couple of minutes trying that but had to take another break. He said he had a lot of other stuff he wanted to do but didn't have time to do it. He said that he wanted to yell at Gary about clearing his throat all morning. He said he hates hearing Gary clearing his throat and sometimes he can hear him doing it out in the hall. He's yelled at him about doing it in the studio in the past so Gary knows better and usually stays out in the hall. Howard said he could throw up when Gary does that in the studio. He suggested that they IM each other during the breaks while he's eating so he doesn't have to talk to him.
Howard got sidetracked again for a couple of minutes talking about Bill O'Reilly selling all of that crap on his web site and how unnecessary it is. The guys also talked about Rush Limbaugh for a minute. Howard said he's apparently already told his fans that he's not going to talk about his divorce on the air. Artie did his impression of Rush a little bit during that discussion. Howard finally went to break after that.
Robin had some advice for Tera who she saw on a local commercial for a strip club. She said that she might want to avoid doing that because the lighting was bad and she didn't look like the same person who was on their show.
Howard said that the rules for the Vinnie Favale ''Restless, Restless'' song contest were finally ready. He said you can go on HowardStern.com to get the lyrics and see some video of Vinnie Favale and Tom Gesimondo singing together. Howard played some audio from the song to remind people what it sounded like. The songs have to be in by July 2nd. The winner of the contest gets a $5000 grand prize. Howard got one entry already before they even announced the rules. He played the song yesterday and replayed it today. A guy had some sad music playing as he read the lyrics in a crying voice. Howard said it was like a William Shatner interpretive read. Howard hasn't figured out the final voting for the contest yet. Anyone can enter so Howard said that he talked to Scott Weiland about entering and sent the song to Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray to see if he could work with it. The band Staind said they couldn't do anything with the song when they were asked to try it.
Howard asked Robin Radzinski who is coming to the party with her. She's bringing her guy Peter with her. They've been dating for about 6 months already. She said she really doesn't know him all that well because he lives out in California.
Howard asked the rest of the guys if they were going. Robin said she's going with Mr. X. Howard said that Artie will probably be standing in a corner sucking on his Jack and water while his girlfriend dances with other dudes. artie said that everyone knows that he's got a drinking problem. He yelled about how he loves liquor more than any human being on the planet.
Robin Radzinski told Howard that Steve Grillo will be at the party as a ''flash from the past.'' She thought about inviting some other people like Jackie the Joke Man as well. Howard said that would be weird though because he didn't want to be on the show. They will have a bunch of other people from E! in California as well.
Gary had another game to play with them. Sal the Stockbroker created the game when he was there a few weeks back. They have quotes from people who complain about a certain person on the show. Today it was Artie. Howard read a quote from someone and Artie and the rest of the guys had to guess who actually said it. The first quote was from Gary. Howard read a second quote from someone who complained about a certain way Artie laughs at his own jokes. Artie thought it was Howard. He was right.
Someone complained about how everything is ''gay'' to Artie. It turned out to be Benjy who had that complaint. Howard read another one about how Artie chews on his shirt sleeve toward the end of the show. It turned out to be Fred.
The next one was a complaint about how Artie seems like he'd be a lot of fun at a party but when he shows up, he just stands in the background and you hardly know he's there. It turned out to be Robin who had that observation. Jason came in and told Howard about how Artie went out with them to a bar after a baseball game and he really wasn't as much fun as you'd think he'd be.
Howard played tape of Ronnie the Limo Driver talking about how Artie disses him and doesn't go out with him when he says he is. He called Artie a phony. Artie said he's told Ronnie that he'll go out to Scores or something with him and he hasn't been able to make it. Gary said he's thought about bonding with Artie by getting drunk with him but that never really happens.
Howard said they had a ''Howard Game'' to play after the Artie Game. He said it was going to be uncomfortable because he was reading the quotes ahead of time. He decided to take a break before playing that game. Everyone wanted him to just get the game started so he couldn't read through them all during the break.
Howard brought up how Courtney Cox named her kid Cocoa which sounds like a drag queen name when you put it with Arquette. It would have been worse if she kept it Cocoa Cox.
Howard read that Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is out dating and being seen out in Las Vegas with some guy. Howard said he called her and she said she was ''so upset'' about the break up with John Stamos. The Man Show has been canceled according to what Howard read. He said that the article claims that the two hosts, Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope, are unfunny but Howard defended them and said they are funny guys. Artie said they're hilarious guys. The show just didn't work for them.
Artie told the guys that during the break he had two guys who said they've had great times with him unlike some of the other guys who said they've never had fun with him. Howard wanted him to drop that so they could move on to his game instead.
Howard said they have a production guy there at the station who mixed a Linkin Park song with a Jay Z song and it's getting played on other stations. Howard played the mix which was Jay Z's ''99 Problems'' and Linkin Park's ''One Step Closer.'' Howard said he likes the Linkin Park song a lot and doesn't think it needs the rap thrown in there. Howard doesn't get the whole rap thing but there are a few rap songs he likes. He likes some DMX stuff and Mystikal stuff as well. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Mystikal and how he's in jail now.
Howard was playing some Mystikal stuff when he brought up how he ends up leaving parties when people refuse to get drunk and dance. Howard complained about Artie not dancing and just standing there with his Jack and water. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that stuff and then moved on to the Howard game.
Howard read the first quote he had from someone there. The first one was a complaint about Howard being able to give you one look and make you feel like a 5th grader. Howard guessed that it was Gary but it turned out to be Artie. Artie said Howard had just done that a couple of minutes before when he just dismissed what he'd said and said they were moving on. Artie had some examples of Howard being condescending to him as well. Howard dismissed him again and moved on.
The next quote was about how Howard has no principles and he'll put a different spin on things that he either likes or dislikes. It turned out to be Benjy and it made no sense to begin with so Howard knew it was him. He said he didn't even want to play it because he was annoyed with Benjy already. The next one was a complaint about Howard clicking his teeth, turning his back on you and not listening. The person also complained about them not being friends anymore. Howard guessed that it was either Gary or Fred. It tuned out to be Robin who was doing the complaining. Howard had to read the quote again as he was playing the tape.
Gary told Howard that sometimes he will be walking with him and he'll be saying hello to everyone in the hall while they're talking. Howard told Gary that he never lets anyone talk and he has to calm down sometimes. Howard continued to play Robin's clip and she said that they're not really friends anymore and Howard has said that everyone is expendable so she just has to live with that. Howard explained that this is how he is with all of his friends and he doesn't hang out with anyone.
Howard read the next one and the person said that Howard pretends that he's friends with them but he's really not. Howard knew it was Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said that Ronnie is his limo driver and that's it. Ronnie came in and Howard went off on him about the complaints he had about the phone in his limo. Ronnie just laughed at him as he was going off on him. Howard played the tape of Ronnie going off on him and he was right about who it was. The two of them continued to yell at each other for a couple of minutes.
Howard read the next quote from someone who complained about him saying the word ''de-lish'' too much. Howard said it had to be someone who doesn't get him. Dominic Barbara called in during that discussion and complained about some stuff that Howard has done with him. Howard went off on him as well and said that he's always going around using his name. He hung up on him shortly after that. Howard guessed that it as Gary complaining about his use of the word ''de-lish'' but it turned out to be Fred. Fred said that it's a game where you talk about stuff that ''annoys'' you about a person.
Howard played Gary's tape since he was the last one. Gary complained about the way Howard leaves snotty kleenex on the console and used toothpicks stuck in the console as well. Howard told him that if he does that he should ask him to remove them. Gary told Howard that Ben Stiller was on the line so they were going to play the game with him as well. Artie said he wants to play that game with Stuttering John as well even though he's no longer on the show. Howard had to go to break right after that.
Howard asked Ben about his relationship with his father. Howard heard that Ben actually called his parents when he was tripping on acid one time. Howard said he never would have done something like that.
Ben and Howard talked about love scenes in the movies and whether or not they get aroused. Howard said he loves doing stuff like that but Ben finds it to be very uncomfortable. Howard talked about the love scenes he did with Mary McCormack in his movie and how he tried to make it as good for her as possible. Howard said he had a boner the whole time he was doing the sex scenes with Mary. Ben said the sex he was supposed to be having on film was comedic sex. Howard said his was as well. He would even try to kiss her in scenes where they weren't supposed to kiss. Howard said he would explain it to her as being the way he is at home.
Howard asked Ben when his new movie ''Meet the Fockers'' is coming out. Ben said that should be out in December. They weren't even sure if they could say the ''Fockers'' name on the air or not. Howard quickly moved on after that and said he read that Ben's father was able to see the birth of their child. Ben said that wasn't true and they didn't show anything on the video that he took at the hospital.
Ben was still over at the Today Show so he talked about the interview that Matt Lauer had just done with him. Howard ended up going off on Matt for dissing him at a restaurant one night. He told Ben the story about how Matt used to work with them at the WWOR show. Howard said he went up to Matt after he was ignored by him all night at the restaurant to say hello to him. He thought he was acting like a phony that night.
Howard brought up a story about Ben and how he's part of a celebrity chat room on the internet. Ben told Howard he thinks he knows what he's talking about and he has nothing to do with it. Ben said that he was part of this blogging thing but he's not in it anymore because he couldn't keep up with it. Ben said talking to Howard on the phone is as close to a celebrity chat room as he gets.
Howard read that Ben worked for Saturday Night Live for 5 weeks at one point in his career. They talked about that for a short time and then moved on to Ben's list of chicks he's dated. Howard said that Ben dated Amanda Peet who annoys the crap out of him. He also said that Calista Flockhart was on that list.
Howard asked Ben about the ''Dodgeball'' movie and how that came about. Ben told him about this guy who was a first time writer who came to him with the script. They did it with a small budget of $20 million. Ben said that it's tough to make a movie these days because they end up costing like $100 million before you even get started. When you can do it for $20 million, you have a chance of making some money.
Howard and Ben talked about Robert De Niro and what it's like working with him. Ben said that the guy is great to work with. Howard brought up the fact that De Niro likes dating black chicks and that seems like all he will date. Howard said he likes all kinds of chicks. He seems to think that he has some kind of fetish or something.
Ben told Howard about the story behind the Dodgeball movie and what that's all about. Ben heard an announcement there at the Today Show so Howard wanted him to go out and grab Matt Lauer so he could yell at him. Ben took a peek outside the door and saw a lot of women out there. Howard told him to go up to one of them and ask one of the women ''Hey, where did you buy those dimples?'' like Ronnie the Limo Driver did with one of the interns there at the station. Ben found that to be pretty funny.
Howard talked to Ben about working with Barbra Streissand for a short time. Howard doesn't get her music but Ben seems to like her. Howard said he thinks she looks like him but with make up. They spent a short time on that subject before Howard wrapped up the phone call.
Rev. Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) is trying out for Stuttering John's job all week and today he had a staff revelation for them. While he was waiting for Bob to come in he talked to a woman who called in to talk about how people are harassing Jon Bon Jovi because he had a fund raising party for John Kerry. Howard talked to the woman for a short time because she wondered why John Kerry doesn't come on his show because he's a big supporter of his. Howard ended up getting really annoyed by the woman on the line so he had to hang up on her as well.
Howard got to Bob Levy after that. He noticed that Bob was coloring his hair. He said that he might want to go to a professional if he's going to color it. Howard had Bob tell his celebrity revelation. Bob told him about doing a show with Artie out in Chicago and he ended up getting really drunk and when he passed out on a bed at a hotel room, he crapped himself. Gary came in and said that there was a lot more to the story. Gary said that he heard that Artie was in a pig costume back when he was working on Mad TV. He was all depressed because of the whole thing. He had to go through 3 hours of makeup to be dressed up as a pig for this ''Babe Watch'' skit they were doing. Artie said he had to go eat breakfast as the pig. Artie called his coke dealer and had him come out to meet him. He was still dressed in the pig costume. They met at a parking lot while the show was getting ready to shoot the skit. He got to the restaurant and waited for his dealer to show up.
Artie said that he didn't have any cash on him so he had to put it on his ''account.'' He bought an 8 ball of coke and took a straw from the back seat of his car. He tried to do the coke but couldn't get it through his pig snout. He had to dig a hole through this prosthetic he was wearing. He got a line through and sat there for a short time. He went into the restaurant and had a glass of water and a coffee. He went back out to his car and did some more coke and headed back to the set of the TV show. He got stuck in traffic so he did another hit of coke... while he's still got the pig outfit on. A woman was staring at him from her Lamborghini like she was on an acid trip or something. Artie and Howard started to crack up during that discussion. Artie said he was trying not to spill his coke while he was driving after that.
Artie eventually got back to the set of the show and heard how he almost got someone fired because he wasn't there. He went back into his trailer and did some more coke. He said he kept seeing himself in a mirror while he was doing it so he just saw himself as a pig. Artie was playing ''Babe'' the pig so he had to listen to the movie on tape to get the impression down. He said he had to walk around doing the impression and it was the most surreal day of his life.
After the skit they took the makeup off of Artie and everyone at the show hated his guts because of what he had been doing. Artie said he went back to his motel room and fell asleep for an hour or so. He tried to get up after that. He said it was like the scene in ''The Godfather'' where the guy wakes up in bed with the horse head and there's blood all over the place. He said that the doody was all over the place. He thought it was blood at first but it turned out to be doody. He had rolled in it and it was a mess. He said it had never happened to him before and it hasn't happened since.
Artie realized that everyone on the show hated him and he had to go work with them for another 15 hour day. He couldn't clean up the bed because he was late already. He had to just leave it. He took the bed spread and covered it up. He went to the set and did his thing. He did more coke that day and had to do the scenes with these people who hated him. Artie said that the room was in an assistant Director's name so he almost got them fired and the hotel room was a mess in one of those guy's name. Artie eventually cleaned himself up and started talking to the guys again on the show.
Captain Janks called in laughing and said that someone crashed out in front of his house and got out of his car laughing because he must have been listening to the story. A bunch of people called in after that and said that the story was really funny. Howard told Levy that it was a great revelation... even though Artie told the story himself. Bob said that when they hang out and Artie gets drunk, he comes up with all kinds of stories like these. Howard had to take a break right after that so they could get to the news.
Howard started off the show talking to Artie about basketball this morning. They talked about the blowout game and how Artie has won some money on the series and he's up by about $5,400 so far. Robin said he's probably not really ''up'' overall since he's lost so much in the past. They talked about a guy who wears a clear mask on his face in the game. Howard can't imagine what it must be like wearing something like that while you're running around in a game like that. Robin described him as looking like the Phantom of the Opera.
The Detroit Pistons' coach has a hot girlfriend according to Robin so they spent a minute talking about her. Artie talked about what he thinks happened to the Lakers in this series and how they're just getting blown out by the Pistons. Artie also watched the Yankee game and the Tera Patrick E! show last night. He said that the guys who shot the E! show did a great job.
Howard told the guys he wasn't able to pleasure himself last night because Beth came home. He said he did her so hard that she was uncomfortable afterward. Howard was ready to run out and yell at a reporter last night so Beth had to keep him under control. He told a story about his day after the show yesterday. He went to the dermatologist to get his chigger bite checked out. The doctor looked at that and lanced the bite. Howard said that he didn't put anything on it before piercing it. He thought that a chigger was going to crawl out of there but the doctor told him that some stuff would come out. The doctor injected it with some anti-inflammatory stuff and he feels much better. Now he has a bandage over it and it doesn't hurt anymore.
After the doctor Howard said he was running around doing all kinds of stuff. He went to the Shrink after running around. Then he went to dinner with Vinnie Favale and Jeff Schick from IBM. Gary asked Howard if he brought up the stuff that he went through on the show yesterday. He did bring it up but he said the shrink didn't care. After that Howard said his friend asked him to stop by a reception of some type so he did that as well.
Howard went to this party where his buddy Pat asked him to go. He said there was a lot of press there and he didn't want to stop and take pictures. He got booed as he was walking in because of that. Then when he got into the party there were a bunch of reporters coming up to him and asking him questions. He didn't want to talk to any of them so he just kind of told them that he wasn't there to answer questions. He'd try to tell them nicely that he wasn't doing interviews and things were going okay when he'd tell them that.
Howard went over to talk to his buddies Pat and Richie. There was a guy standing over them listening to every word they were saying. He had a problem with that one other time because a guy wrote up a story on him after overhearing something he said at a bar. Howard went on to talk about how this guy was standing real close to them and how he wasn't even sure he was a reporter. He thought that it was just a guy who wanted to talk to him. Yesterday some of the guys were talking about how he sometimes turns his back when he's talking to them so he tried not to do that to his buddy Richie. Then he decided to turn around and ask the guy who he was. The guy introduced himself as Lloyd Grove from the Daily News. Howard turned around and called him an F'ing, Scumbag A-hole because he wrote something about him in the paper the other day that pissed him off.
Howard said that Grove wasn't even sure what he wrote about him. Howard said he went off on the guy calling him names and the guy said that he heard that he was a nice guy. Howard told him to get away from him and get out of his face. Then Dr. Ruth Westheimer comes over to him and starts pulling on the finger that he'd just had lanced at the doctor's office. She was trying to drag him over to have some pictures taken with her. Howard couldn't remember exactly what Lloyd Grove wrote about him but he didn't want him near him. He told him he can remember the feelings he had after seeing his name so he chased him away.
Beth tried to drag Howard out of the party after that so he wouldn't cause any more problems. On his way out he ran into Bryant Gumbel and he's lost about 100 pounds. He said he liked the porkier Bryant though. He said he was trying to get out of there so he couldn't concentrate on what they were saying. Then he was leaving and a photographer came up to him and asked to take his picture. Howard said he'd prefer that he didn't so the guy started snapping pictures anyway. Then another guy asked him and Howard said he'd probably take pictures anyway but the guy laid off and didn't take any pictures.
Howard got home and tried to remember what this guy Lloyd Grove wrote about him. He said that Beth asked him what it was he wrote. Howard went on the internet and tried to find what it was the guy wrote about him. He ended up calling Gary to find out what it was the guy wrote because he couldn't remember what it was. Gary called a few people and finally found out that it was the reporter who said that Howard steals material from Johnny Carson. The guy wrote a bunch of stuff about Howard that really pissed him off. The guy picked up on Howard saying that he would like to put the words ''I'll be back after these words...'' on his tombstone after Chaunce Hayden asked him what he'd put on there. The reporter said that Johnny Carson said that back in 1972 one time so Howard was a thief. Howard said when Gary told him what the guy had written he hung up the phone and got ready to walk out of the apartment to confront the guy again.
Beth was almost in tears as she tried to stop Howard from leaving. He said he was ready to go back down to confront the guy again. He said he sits there day after day trying to be original but all that guy could come up with was that he's a thief stealing from Johnny Carson. Howard said he remembers how he felt after reading that article the first time and how pissed off he was. Howard continued to talk about what a scumbag the guy was and how he was a liar because he had to have known what he wrote about him. He was pretending to be his pal there at the party and it really set him off.
Howard said that Beth was crying and begging him not to leave last night. She told him he had a call to make to his ex-wife. He said that when she was crying he realized how insane he must have been. He called Alison and set up schedules for the kids and stuff like that. He had to tell her what he'd just gone through with the reporter. He calmed himself down after that, ate some frozen bananas and called Gary back to let him know he was sorry for hanging up on him.
Gary said that as soon as he told Howard what the article was about, Howard said ''I knew it, thanks!'' and hung up the phone. Howard said he felt good about going off on the guy but he doesn't feel good about the fact that it mattered so much to him. Howard knows that the guy is going to wrote some nasty articles about him but he's never going to mention the guy's name on the air again.
Artie wondered what Richie was doing while all of this stuff was going on. Howard said he's not even sure because he was so focused on this reporter. He tried to take a couple of phone calls after that discussion but things weren't going so smooth so he went to commercial break instead.
A woman called in and said that Artie told a great story on the air yesterday and she really enjoyed it. Howard said he should replay it today. They have a picture of Artie in the pig costume up on Howard's web site. Howard thought it was from the actual sketch but Artie said that it wasn't really him. It must be a Photoshopped picture of him. The woman on the phone said that she can't hear Howard's show anymore because it was taken off in her area. That led to Howard talking about Clear Channel taking him off of their stations and how they're still not paying their bills to him even though they have contracts with him. Howard said they spoke to Clear Channel and tried to settle out of court. He said that's when they said that they're going to sue him if he tries to get on in any markets that he was taken off in. Howard said he has every right to go on in those markets because the contracts said that they are allowed to do that. Howard said his lawyers told him that Clear Channel is nuts and they come back with all kinds of wacky stuff. Howard isn't going to back down and he'll fight them to the end.
Howard went off on Clear Channel and said that they're trying to strong arm him like they do with all of the music promotors and bands out there. He said they act like tough guys but he's got Viacom behind him and they have plenty of lawyers behind them as well. Howard said it's fine if Clear Channel wants to fire him but they do have a contract that they have to honor. The contract says that it doesn't matter what the reasons are for firing him, they still owe him money.
King of all Blacks claimed to have 15 cars while Angry was bragging about his 2002 Saab 9-3 (later it turned into a BMW 325) like it was a big deal. Howard tried to find out what went on out there in Vegas. He heard that Angry Black was out there with some white women. Angry Black said that there were some white girls talking to him at the pool the day they got there. He said that the chicks were trying to get to Howard through him and he knew that. Angry Black said that he has a Taiwanese girlfriend who will be there on Friday but King of all Blacks went off on him about that. No one was sure what King's beef was with Angry Black.
The two of them were talking over each other and yelling about nonsense. Angry Black was saying that he was ''the man'' out in Vegas and it's all over for King now. Angry Black was asking King where he's going to be next week. King said that he's going to be in Barbados next week but Angry Black said he's going to be part of some reality thing out in Vegas next week (WhackPackLive.com) and he sold Howard out on that. King said that he doesn't have to bring that up on the air and they didn't need to talk about that.
King and Angry continued to yell over each other but there was no point to it. King was bragging about his clothing, Angry was bragging about his job and money. King wanted Angry to thank him for getting him on the air today. Howard had to cut the two of them off because they were just goofing on each other relentlessly. King said that if Angry Black came into his neighborhood, he'd be arrested.
Howard tried to find out if King was telling the truth about his father being worth millions. King said he doesn't want to talk about him. Angry Black said that he's a made man in New Jersey and some other wacky stuff like that. He later said he was just joking around with that. Howard lost control of the two of them again when they started yelling at each other again. He had to wrap up with them but King said that he he's the real ''nigga'' because all he really cares about is material stuff. They continued to argue with each other for a couple more minutes until Howard cut them off.
King was telling Angry that he treats his chicks too nice. He said that the hotter a chick is, the harder you treat them. He was giving him some lessons on how to treat women the way he treats them. Howard said that he was going to invite the two of them down there to talk to each other. He said he'd rather do that so he can control them a little better. He's going to mediate their problems instead of having them fight each other. He was unsuccessful at stoping the arguing though. King would not stop talking and he continued to go off on Angry Black. King was saying that Angry is never even on the show. Angry said that he's been on the show since 1994 though.
Big Black called in and got in a plug for some web site (FanaticRadio.com) where he said they have video of King dancing on a pole. Crazy Cabbie called in and went off on Angry a little bit himself. He said it seems like he wants to be him. He goofed on him about a couple of things and at one point all three of them were talking over each other. Cabbie said that this was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. Howard had to wrap up the segment after that. He got the two of them off the line.
Howard said he learned that King had kids with a Puerto Rican so the kids would have good hair. Robin and Artie weren't even sure what the two of them were arguing about. Howard went to commercial break after talking about that craziness for a minute.
Howard said Amber is like a rock star now. The Borgata hotel sent a private jet for her to fly up to New York from Atlantic City and they're kissing her ass all over the place. She said she had no idea how popular she was before this happened. She said that things between her and Rob are going well but Howard seems to think that it won't last. He told her that they're both very young and they don't realize how ''sexy'' the whole ''Survivor'' thing was and they haven't gotten back to the real world yet. Amber said they've been back since December and they weren't in the public eye from that time until May.
Howard heard that Mark Burnett has offered them a ton of money to get married in a TV special for CBS. Amber said that's true and they've been offered a lot of money. Howard told her that she's going to be a completely different person at the age of 30 and she has no idea what the marriage will be like. Howard said someone spoke to him at his wedding like that and he didn't listen. Amber said that they're having a lot of fun right now though.
Amber said she thinks they'll be engaged for a year, year and a half before they get married. Howard said he doesn't think that the marriage will last though and if they're going to get married and make some money, they should do it within 6 months. He suggested that they come up with a legal agreement before they do go through with it. Amber said that when you're on a show like ''Survivor'' and survive that 39 days together, it shows what they can go through. Howard said that the odds of their marriage lasting are very slim.
Howard said that when you go to summer camp as a kid you fall in love every year and those relationships go away. He seems to think that once they settle down and get to know each other, they'll see who they're really with and that won't last. Amber said she thinks things will get better. She doesn't want to just live with him like Howard suggested. He wondered why she wants to get married so soon. She said she's ready to get married and start a family. She seems to think that getting married will change the relationship a huge amount. She doesn't believe in living with someone before marriage. Howard told her that the marriage won't be exciting after the wedding.
Howard asked Amber what her plans were before she was on ''Survivor'' for the second time. She was going to go back to college to get into speech pathology but now it's all about ''Survivor.'' She has had a few jobs that she has to thank the show for. She talked about the boyfriend she had before she went on ''Survivor All Stars' and how they grew apart. Howard told her that she will grow apart from Rob in the same way.
Howard brought up the claims that Jerri Manthey made about Amber and Rob having been engaged for 3 weeks before the season finale of the show. Amber said that was not true and Jerri had to have made that up herself. She went on to tell Howard about how she and Rob have been traveling together for just about every day since the season finale of the show. She lives in Pittsburgh and Rob lives in Boston so they're going to be separated by quite a distance.
Amber is going to be down in Atlantic City this weekend for a Fantasy Island thing at the Borgata hotel and casino. She said she'll be introducing bands at the concert they're holding down there. She said she may be in a bathing suit if the weather is nice down there. Another listener asked Amber if she is shaved or unshaved. She said she might be totally shaved down there. Howard read that Amber wrote in her journal that she had gone to make a doody and didn't bother to wipe because there was no toilet paper. She said that was not true either. Howard admitted she'd made that up.
Zolar (xyZolar.com) called in and did his female voice saying that she'd dated Rob for a short time until he found out about his wiener as he went back into his deep voice. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time after that and gave Amber another plug for the show down in Atlantic City.
Howard talked about Bob Levy bringing up this story that Artie told yesterday about a bad couple of days he had when he was working on MAD TV. You can read that story in the archives using the ''yesterday'' link you just passed.
After replaying that segment Howard took some phone calls from guys who told him that they have to animate that story for the E! show. Howard said they are going to do that. A couple of guys said that the story was great. Artie said it was the first time he ever told the story in public because he used to be so afraid that he'd never get hired after that.
Howard had Rev. Bob Levy's song parody which was a remake of an AC/DC song with Artie singing about himself. He started to play it but it wasn't set up correctly so he read some e-mail about Artie's story instead. A lot of people really enjoyed that story and mailed him about it. One person wrote in and said that it makes you feel better about your own miserable life when you hear about Artie's mess of a life.
Howard got to the song parody that Rev. Bob put together and played it. He threw in a bunch of audio clips of Artie talking about various food that he eats while he was singing about how much of a fat mess he is. Howard seemed to think the song was pretty good.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that there's an episode of MAD TV airing at 1pm today on Comedy Central that could be that episode of MAD TV he was in with the pig costume. Artie told him that the show probably aired in 1996 and Jeff told him it was shown as having aired in 1997. The guys goofed on Jeff for a minute after that.
A woman called in and told Howard about hanging out with Artie after a comedy gig. She said that he had sweaty armpits and was really drunk. He decided he needed cigarettes and ran out across 2nd Avenue without looking. He turned around halfway across the road and asked her if she wanted filtered or unfiltered. She didn't even smoke so she just told him to get filtered.
Another woman called in and said that the episode just aired last week where Artie was dressed up as the pig. She said it was one of the funniest things she'd ever seen.
Howard moved on and read a little more e-mail after that. A few people wrote in and said Bob is doing great, there was one that said he sucked but Bob doesn't mind that. Someone wrote in and said that he swears that someone in Chicago is hitting the delay button on the show like crazy. They bleeped out the N-word when Howard was talking about that the other day. Howard said that the FCC doesn't find that obscene or indecent so there's no reason to bleep it. Howard asked for Les Moonves to help him out with that and find out why they're bleeping stuff like that on an Infinity station.
Some people wrote in about the game they played with Howard yesterday where the staff talked about stuff that annoys them about him. One person seems to think that Howard really needs some help because he's causing such problems with his co-workers. After reading through that he had to take another break.
Howard mentioned the contest they have going on with the Vinnie Favale song. Robin said that she might have something that she can work with on that song but she'll need some help.
Comedian Greg Giraldo came in to hang out during Robin's news. Howard said he saw some tape of Greg defending himself on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn one night. He had to tell Dennis Leary that maybe if he had written some jokes for his sitcom, it would still be on the air. Howard played the audio clip of Greg and Dennis arguing with each other about a few things on Colin's show. Greg had some good comebacks for Leary's comments.
Howard talked to Greg about his failed sitcom and how he and Ray Romano had a discussion about their shows one time. Greg's show tested through the roof and Ray's tested horribly... but Greg lasted 4 weeks and Ray's show is still on the air.
Howard played more of the Dennis Leary tape where he complained about Greg coming prepared with jokes for the show while Dennis didn't. Howard thought those comebacks that Greg had were really funny. He gave him a plug for the comedy shows he's doing at The Laugh Factory in Times Square tomorrow through Sunday. You can also check out Greg's web site GregGiraldo.com.
Howard and Greg talked about the failed sitcom Greg had. He said he was only in stand-up for about 2 years when he got the show and he wasn't able to act. He had no idea what he was doing back then. Howard got sidetracked and started talking about how Fred's mother enjoyed anal sex but the delay was getting hit so much that it wasn't clear how they got on that subject.
Artie told Howard how hard it is to do that Tough Crowd show because they fax over a bunch of stuff that they're going to discuss on the show and you have to write material for it and submit it to them. They spent a few minutes on that and then Howard had to take a break before Robin started her news.
During the news Greg talked a little bit about how he graduated Harvard and went right into Law after that. He said he worked in a law office for about a year after college but got out of that to work in stand-up comedy instead. He also had some drinking problems when he was younger. He said he's had people call him and ask him if he remembered doing things that he couldn't remember. He told one story about how he was peeing on people in a bathroom at a wedding he went to after getting really wasted. Greg shared a couple of stories about that stuff before Howard had Robin get back to her news.
Howard started off the show talking about how busy today's show was going to be. He said it was a busy morning but he didn't actually say what the stuff was. That led to him talking about the Vinnie Favale ''Restless, Restless'' song contest they have going on. You can find the rules on HowardStern.com and anyone can enter to try and win the $5,000 prize. Robin wants to get in on it but her computer has been down for a while. She said she's got some electrical problems over there at her place. She said her air conditioning is out as well. Artie said that he'd do just about anything to have air conditioning.
Howard has been talking about this porn movie of Tera Patrick's called ''Tera, Tera, Tera.'' He used the movie to pleasure himself the other night when Beth wasn't around. He said that Beth gets upset when she hears that he does that. Artie said that Dana has actually found evidence that he's been doing it. He said she might find a stiff towel or something like that once in a while. Artie has a cleaning lady that comes in once a week to clean up but that might not be enough if Dana is finding his stiff towels.
Howard talked about how Beth asks him if he had to pleasure himself and she gets mad at him for doing it. He's really into Tera Patrick so she seems a little jealous. Howard said that the video has Tera and Savanna doing each other and Savanna used to dance for him at Scores years ago. Cabbie came in and told Howard how lame the porn movie is. Howard went on to complain about Cabbie who was out in the hall yelling at Louis in the hall this morning. He heard him yelling at him asking him ''Don't you want ass?'' or something like that. Cabbie said it wasn't his own ass he was talking about though. Howard thought it was for some reason.
Gary came in and said that he was talking to Cabbie about his overnight air shift and the ratings he gets. He claims that the ratings go up when he's on the air over the other deejays. Gary said that they don't break down the ratings in that much detail though. Cabbie claims that the ratings have gone up over 100 percent and he'd bring in the books to prove it.
Cabbie and the guys were talking about the upcoming Dysfunctional Family Picnic concert. Cabbie said that he's going to get wasted that night because he's not working. Tom Chiusano came in to talk about the tickets for the concert so Howard asked him about Cabbie's ratings. Tom said that his ratings are so important that no one has looked. Cabbie continued to brag about his ratings and said that he'll bring in the Arbitron ratings for them to check out. Tom made it sound like the overnight ratings really don't matter and no one checks.
Howard asked Tom if he wants to give Cabbie a shot at winning the $10,000 that he almost won in the Win Fred's Money contest one time. He was an employee of the station so he wasn't able to collect on that game. Howard wondered if Tom wanted to let Cabbie try to win it in another game. Tom basically said that he doesn't want to give him another chance.
Cabbie is working on his own version of the Vinnie Favale song contest but the rules state that he can't win the contest. He's going to bring it in for them to hear though because it's his girlfriend singing the song. Howard had to take a break after talking about that for a minute.
Howard said that today was the 10th anniversary of the prank call that was made to ABC about the OJ Simpson chase after his wife was murdered. This guy Maury made the phone call so Howard had him on the line to talk about it. Howard talked about the day he made that call and what happened. There was a basketball game on that night and for some reason, they had to split screen so they could watch the car chase with OJ Simpson. Maury called into the local station and got through no problem.
Howard believes that Maury has been ruined by this whole thing though. He said that Maury has been calling in trying to get on the show with his impressions and dialects and stuff but he can't top that call he made. He set the bar so high that he doesn't want to compete with himself. He doesn't think that someone like Captain Janks calls in to shows that have no screening process and just says Howard's name, it's not like he's worked his way through a major system. Janks was on the line and defended himself against those claims. He said that he wasn't around the phone that day and he was actually very impressed by Maury's call that day. Howard said that Maury believes that he couldn't top himself after that call so he just stopped making them.
Maury said that Janks makes up for not having very creative calls with quantity. He then asked Janks to get off the line because this was his time. Howard let Janks go a short time later and then played the infamous call that Maury made to ABC 10 years ago today. This is the call where he claims to be watching OJ from next door while doing the worst impression of a black man you've ever heard. He gives Peter Jennings a ''...and Baba Booey to y'all'' as he's getting off the line. Then Al Michaels breaks in and lets Jennings know that it was a prank call.
Maury couldn't believe that they didn't cut him off after the first 3 seconds doing the impression he was doing. He said that he called up and pretended to be a reporter with a live feed from the location and made them rush to put him on the air.
Joey Boots called in and gave Maury props on that prank call because it was his favorite of all time. Howard had to wrap up after that so Maury asked if he could try out for a job there at the show and he wanted to have a phony phone call challenge with anyone Howard wants. He also wants to do impressions against anyone Howard wants. Howard thanked him for that and let him go. Maury gave him another ''...and Baba Booey to y'all'' as he was signing off.
Artie thought that a phony phone call competition would be pretty good. They could get people like Jim Florentine, Benjy and Kumal from the Jerky Boys to make prank calls. Howard didn't seem as into it as Artie was though.
Howard played tape of Larry Flynt defending him on a talk show recently. Flynt said that he can't believe that someone like Colin Powell's son can sit there and attack free speech the way he is. Flynt said that he believes that if a new administration comes in there will be a different attitude toward this stuff. Howard said he's ready to go and wouldn't mind if they force him off the air. It will just prove to his fans what the Bush administration is all about.
Howard said that Larry is a little difficult to listen to but what he had a good point. Artie was doing his impression of Flynt and making fun of the stuff he could have in his magazines. He goofed on him a little bit before Howard had to take another commercial break.
Howard said he doesn't even know what he was getting all worked up over after hearing the movie with no visual. He said it was really hot when he was watching it though. Robin wasn't into it either. She wondered who wrote the dialog for the movie. Howard thought that it was real dialog and not scripted.
Howard said he has to have new porn all the time, he can't go back and watch old stuff again after he's seen it. He also talked about how jealous Beth seemed to be over him using the porn to get off. He said that he's glad she's jealous because she has guys hitting on her all the time.
Howard moved on from the porn movie to talk about Bill Clinton. He's out doing interviews about his upcoming book. Howard read that Clinton claims the reason he had sex with Monica Lewinsky was because he could. It was available to him so he took advantage of that and did it. Howard said he wants to read more about how he did it and what happened but he doesn't think that will be mentioned in the book.
Ben told Howard about how he got the job to do the commercials. He said that he was told they were looking for a young kid that would appeal to audiences. It was a very vague casting call. He did the commercials and didn't get paid all that much but once the commercials were begin played a lot, he started to get a lot of residual checks. Then he got signed to a contract to do even more commercials. The first contract was worth ''a few thousand.'' The commercials got even more popular so they were going to sign him to a $500,000 contract to do a few more commercials... Then he got arrested and blew the whole deal.
Ben told Howard that he was at a party when he got busted for having weed on him. He and a friend were smoking some weed and he called a delivery service to bring over some more. The delivery guy brought over like 3 grams of weed for him and he was spending about $50 on the stuff. There were two cab drivers in the area and it turned out that they were Narc's. They jumped out of the cabs and arrested him. He was wearing a kilt at the time and he realized that he was going to jail in New York state.
Ben was handcuffed in a wheelchair at a mental ward because he bought some pot for a friend. He said that when he walked into the police station they saw that he was wearing the kilt and knew that he'd get the crap beaten out of him so they put him in his own cell. He only spent 18 hours in jail for the weed but he said that he was only supposed to get a ticket.
Ben lost his deal with Dell after that and everything was canceled. He said that he got a movie deal right after that. He says it may have been the best thing that happened to him. Now he's a spokesperson for GamezNFlix.com.
Howard said that Dell should have stuck up for this kid after that because he was a good kid and buying pot isn't that big of a deal. He said if he was buying kiddie porn or something, that might get him fired. He said that sponsors are really weird. He talked about how McDonalds stopped advertising on his show because they thought he was a bad influence for children. Meanwhile they're selling food that makes kids fat. He said you should watch the movie ''Super Size Me'' to see what McDonalds is up to.
Howard let some phone callers through after that. One guy asked Ben if he can get chicks because of the commercials. Ben said things were definitely better after the commercials. Howard wondered if he was able to get celebrities after that. He said that he was able to get a lot of chicks. You just have to get on TV and you can get chicks according to Ben.
Howard gave Ben a plug for this short film ''Racoon''(AlsoRanFilms.com) that he's appearing in. Ben said that it's a movie about the Vietnam war and a kid who gets drafted. He took a couple more phone calls after that and gave him a couple more plugs for the movies he's in. He was going to go to break but he started to talk about this reporter he talked about yesterday who wrote an article about him and approached him at a party the other day. He went off on the guy on the air and now he's written another article about him. He said he'd talk about that after the break.
Howard brought up the story he told about this reporter he ran into out at a party the other night. He was talking to a friend of his at the party and there was a reporter hanging over his shoulder. He said he asked the guy who he was and what he wanted. The guy gave his name, Lloyd Grove from the Daily News, and Howard knew that he'd written something crappy about him recently. He later found out that the guy had called him a thief and claimed that he'd stolen a line (1 single line) from Johnny Carson. Howard explained how the guy went off on him for being a ''thief'' and how he turned something dumb into a big story.
Howard said the guy is out of his league in New York and he has nothing. His column is one that you just skip over when you read the paper every day. Howard knew that when he mixed it up with the guy that he was going to write an article about him. He was right and in today's paper there is a column about what happened the other night.
Howard said he called the guy an ''asshole'' and a ''scumbag'' that night and told him to get away from him. In the article they have a picture of Howard and Beth and Lloyd talks about how he thinks that the stress of being ''Howard Stern'' is finally getting to Howard because of what happened the other night. Howard said Lloyd seems to think that all of the pressure Howard has on him these days caused him to crack on Tuesday night. Howard said he was having no problems and he wasn't cracking from pressure that night. He just had the balls to call the guy an asshole and a scumbag. He has no desire to hang out with someone like that.
Howard said friends of his saw the incident and it looked like he was fairly calm while talking to the guy. Howard said that his life is in order and when he sees a scumbag like him, he's going to be honest. Lloyd claims that when Howard called him an ''F'ing Scumbag'' his girlfriend looked like she was just as shocked as he was. Howard said that's correct because he doesn't usually do that to people. Howard asked him what it was he'd written about him. Grove wasn't able to remember what he'd written just a couple of weeks before this run in and told Howard that. Howard wasn't able to remember exactly what it was either so Grove thought it was kind of ridiculous that Howard was pissed at him for something he couldn't remember.
Howard said he wasn't freaking out that night, he just called him a scumbag and didn't want to talk to him. Grove goes on to talk about how Howard glared down at him and told him to go away. He also talks about Howard's effeminate impression of him being kind of funny. Grove wonders why Howard was mad at him and brings up the article he wrote about Howard stealing something from Johnny Carson that was written back in 1978 in Harper's Bazaar. Howard later found out exactly what it was that Grove had written about him and wanted to go back and confront the guy. His girlfriend Beth started to cry so he figured he must be insane and didn't go.
Howard said that Grove is out of his league there in New York and Richard Johnson does the job a hell of a lot better than he does. He said he shouldn't have left the Washington Post. Howard said that Grove doesn't bother to point out how Jay Leno rips off his show all the time.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard that the column is the worst in that paper and he shouldn't worry about it. She told Howard to stand up for himself. Another caller wondered what kind of grown man uses the term ''potty mouth'' to describe someone like Howard. They goofed on Grove a little more after that.
A caller told Howard that he went to a video store the other day after Tera Patrick was on and her videos were selling like crazy after that. He said there were people actually fighting over her movies at this place.
The E! show is having a 10th anniversary party soon to celebrate the 10 years on the air. Howard wanted to bring Al Rosenberg to the party but he wasn't sure he'd be able to go because he has nothing to do with the radio show or the E! show. Artie said he heard that J.D. is still looking for a date for the party as well. The intern he wanted to take out kind of bailed out on him. She had no idea she was supposed to go out with him.
Robin Radzinski came in to talk about the party but they got sidetracked and talked about Benjy for a short time. Howard wondered what he should be wearing to the party. Radzinski told him that he can wear whatever he wants. Gary came in and told Howard that the reason J.D. isn't asking out the intern is because he's an employee there and he's not supposed to date an intern. Howard said that they should give him a pass because he's not much more than an intern now.
Howard had his chigger bite taken care of at the doctor the other day and it's feeling much better now. Howard was hoping that he'd get some special powers from the bite like Spider-Man did but nothing like that happened.
Howard read some of the mail that they've gotten lately. There was some positive feedback about Artie's pig/coke/crap story that he told the other day. Rev. Bob Levy got some positive feedback about his song parody. Someone asked about the diet that Robin used to lose all of her weight. Robin said it's no book, it's just a pamphlet called The Master Cleanser that's available on Amazon.com.
Howard said some people liked hearing King of all Blacks and Angry Black arguing with each other yesterday on the show. Fred said that the audience was split about liking or not liking them. He said it was a 60/40 split with more people not wanting them on the air again. Howard said he could have listened to that all morning long though.
Some people have written in about Gary to complain about him being on the air. One guy complained about Gary being in the studio when Tera Patrick was in. The writer said that it was very distracting to have him in there while the hot Tera was in. Howard wondered if Gary could wear a veil or something to cover up his face. Gary said they've been through that before and he's never wearing anything like that again. Howard said that he should wear something light to cover up the face just so it doesn't distract the people. He thought if he wore a motorcycle helmet it would be cool. It's only for when they have a chick who is an 8 or above in the studio.
Gary told Howard that he used to have to wear masks on their WWOR TV show when they started that. He said they had a diving helmet on him at one time and it was very heavy. He said that he had to wear that for about 6 hours while they shot the TV show. Howard didn't remember that though. Artie remembered it and said that show was the best. Gary talked about how he thought they hated him on that show because they changed the shot so he wasn't on camera as much. Gary said that they shifted a shot so they could still see the other guys, just not him, so it had to be his face that they didn't want on camera. Howard told him that his face is distracting and that's why they don't want it on camera that much.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he watches those old shows and there was one episode where they put Gary in a trunk of a car and locked him in there. Dominic said that Gary was just about crying in that trunk. Gary told him that he should just go eat something. Dominic said that wasn't the reason he was calling in, he actually called in to tell Howard that he has a client who has a bunch of veils Gary could wear.
A phone caller told Howard they should have Gary wear a fencing mask. They did that on the Channel 9 show as well but Gary is willing to do it again. He said that way, guys will be able to concentrate on the hot chicks. Gary suggested that they just hang a mask on the wall and whenever Howard wants him to wear it, he can just tell him to get it. Another phone caller told Howard to have Gary use a boom microphone to do the interviews so they don't have to see his face. Howard said they can't do that because the ceiling is so low in the studio. There's just no room to do that stuff.
Howard had a lot of stuff to get to. He had John Landis to talk to, Rev. Bob Levy's wack pack member and Robert Schimmel coming in. Howard went right to break so he could get to all of that.
Howard mentioned that Hoobastank will be in tomorrow to perform. Bradshaw from the WWE will also be in tomorrow. Howard spent a short time talking about what happened with him and then got director John Landis on the phone. Fred was playing tape of a helicopter in the background in reference to the movie in which an actor lost his life when a helicopter crashed. Howard forgot about that and said when he hears Landis' name he just thinks about ''Coming to America'' and how great that movie was. They also talked about other movies that he's brought to them like the ''Blues Brothers'' movie and ''Animal House.''
Landis told Howard about the latest movie he's got coming out called ''Slasher.'' The movie is funny according to him. He also told Howard that he's in ''Spider-Man 2'' as well. He gets killed in the movie by Doc Oc. Howard went on to tell Landis that he loved ''Coming to America'' and the other movies that they were talking about. Landis talked about ''Animal House'' and how he heard that both President Bush and John Kerry both say that ''Animal House'' is their favorite movie. That led to the guys talking about Bush and Kerry for a minute.
Howard asked John about the helicopter crash that killed actor Vic Morrow and a couple of kids. Howard asked him if he wanted to leave the film industry after that. John said that he didn't want to do that. It's like when you have a car accident, you don't stop driving. Landis and Howard were talking about the ''Thriller'' video that Landis worked with Michael Jackson on. He said he thought Michael was a little crazy but he's a good guy to him. He said he feels bad for him with everything that's going on. Robin asked him if that high voice is Michael's real voice. Landis said that it's really his real voice and that is how he speaks.
Landis changed subjects and said that he was the one who suggested Betty Thomas to direct Howard's movie ''Private Parts.'' He said he's the one who told Ivan Reitman to use her as the director. Howard went on to ask John if he's worth over $200 million. Landis said that he wishes he was worth that much. His movies have grossed over a billion dollars so you'd think he'd be wealthy.
Landis told Howard that in ''Coming to America'' he and Eddie Murphy had a fight about something but he couldn't remember exactly what it was. He told Howard about how he wanted Eddie to play a bunch of parts in that movie and it seems like Eddie is an amazing actor when he's under the makeup. He seems to think that he's not quite as good when he's not under the makeup. Howard wondered why John and other directors don't see his brilliance and cast him in some parts. John said that the republican party may be scaring some people off. John wondered what other part Howard could play other than himself. Howard thinks that he can play a lot of different parts.
Landis told Howard that he'd have to think about the movie he's working on now and figure out what part Howard could play in that. Gary came in and told Howard that there was a story about John taking away John Belushi's coke one time after punching him in the face. John said he did struggle and take away John's coke one time but he never punched him in the face.
John's movie ''Slasher'' is appearing on IFC (Independent Film Channel) on Saturday night. Howard had no idea what channel that was but it's available on satellite. Artie asked John a question about the movie ''Animal House'' and if he got rich off of that. John said he got paid $50,000 to do that film and he didn't have any points on it until much later when the studio gave him a point because they felt bad for him because the movie did so well. He said that Ivan Reitman may have done pretty well with that movie. Howard wrapped up the call shortly after that. He said he forgot to ask John about who he banged. He thinks he respects his movies too much.
Howard moved on to this guy John who is out of work, drinks 30 beers a day and he wants custody of his kids. Howard talked to him about that and tried to find out why he wants custody of the kid. The guy said that he is still on Unemployment so the money for child support is coming out of that. John said he can't work during the summer for some reason. He had the shakes this morning because he hadn't had any beer yet this morning. He told Howard that he thought they were going to have beer there for him this morning.
Howard talked to Willie a little bit about being a pimp down in the Philadelphia area. Robin found it hard to believe that he actually had girls working for him for some reason. Howard asked him about his whores and how much money he can make. He said that his girls will charge like $50 for sex but he gets $100 from the deal. None of the guys could figure out how that works. Gary told Howard that Willie took a second job where he sells roses on the side.
Bob said that John is what he'll be like in about 10 years, trying to get custody of his kid while drinking 30 beers a day. Artie corrected him and said that it won't be 10 years, it'll be 1 year. Howard gave the two guys a couple of bucks courtesy of the movie ''Bad Santa'' which is coming out on DVD. He wrapped up that segment shortly after that and went to commercial break.
Howard gave Bob a couple of plugs for some upcoming shows he has at Carolines on Broadway and others. Howard said he has to do a lot of shows because he has a lot of alimony to pay his ex-wife. Howard said it seemed like he was worn out from all of that. Bob said that he came in late last night and American Airlines lost his luggage. He said he went up to an agent to get some help and she asked him for his claim ticket. She took it to the back and came back out 15 minutes later. She then asked him if she could help him again. He told her that he'd lost his luggage and she asked for his claim ticket again. He had just given it to her 15 minutes earlier but she denied ever getting it.
Bob went on to tell a story about a bit he'd done at a comedy club in Las Vegas about Siegfried and Roy and the people didn't appreciate it too much. He said he had a lot of articles written about that bit. Then he got booked to do a few shows at this casino out there and then it was bought out by MGM which is where Siegfried and Roy worked so he's not sure if he's still got those gigs.
Bob also mentioned that their guy at the WB network who was working with them on the new TV show, just left the network and they're not sure they have a show now. The guy who was working with them up and left and when they called to ask the head of the network about it, he had no idea there was a show. Bob seems to think they don't have a show now but Howard said that it can still work out with this other guy.
Robin wondered what happened to this guy Jordan Levin they were working with but no one was sure. Bob told Howard to get away from him now because he just can't win. He said that his daughter Jessica (JessicaSchimmel.com) isn't talking to him now because this was going to be a big thing for her as well. She doesn't know what she's going to tell her friends. Bob said he doesn't know what he's going to tell his landlord.
Bob told Howard that the script for the show is great. Howard said they're getting there and he hopes to have a deal with them. He said they'll see what happens. Howard said it would be funny if they found out that Jordan was a mental patient who escaped and started giving out TV shows to people for no good reason. Bob said that all that's left for him is for his cancer to come back. Zolar (xyZolar.com) called in as Bob's cancer a minute later and said that he's coming back for him.
A listener called in and said that he went up and tried to talk to Bob after a show one time and he was kind of a douche bag to him. Bob said that he doesn't do that and he talks to all of the people who come up to him. Bob said there was one night when he had some nut after him and he was trying to avoid contact with him so maybe that's when he came around. The guy said Bob killed that night so he wasn't complaining about his show. Howard let a few more phone callers through to bust on Bob and then had Robin start her news.
During the news Zolar called in doing his female voice telling Bob that he blew her off at a show one time and she didn't understand it because she was hot. Then he broke into his deep voice and said that Bob was attracted to him when he pulled his pants down. Howard said that he calls in every day and does that joke and it's funny every time.
Howard started off the show with a phone call from Gary the Retard who had to talk to him immediately because he had other things to do. Gary said that someone from the show called him and said that Howard had something very important to talk to him about. Howard told him that it wasn't someone from the show. Gary told Howard that it was Will that told him that Howard needed to talk to him. Artie started yelling out his usual ''Hey Retard'' stuff and got Gary pissed off at him. Howard put Gary back on hold and let him sit there after he complained that he had to go out and do some stuff today. Howard told him he had nothing to do and put him on hold. He got back on the line a minute later and asked him if he was still on hold because he was going to be there for an hour or two.
Howard said that Gary is a good dog. He'll do what you ask him to. Artie said that Gary has been out of control lately acting up and getting physical with some people. Howard got back on the line a short time later to find out if Gary was still there. He said he was going to stay there until 4 o'clock (Seattle time) but Howard told him he may be there until 5 or 6. Artie yelled at his retard again for a few seconds. Howard asked Gary what store is open out there at 4 in the morning for him to go shopping at. Gary said it's not open now but later today he has to go shopping. He also told Artie to shut up because he was talking.
Gary asked Howard to set him up on a date with Miss Howard Stern the next time she's on the show. Artie goofed on him about that for a little while. Gary kept bringing up Miss Howard Stern but he was calling her Mrs. Howard Stern. Howard said a lot of people made that mistake and thought that it was actually his wife.
Howard put Gary back on hold a little while later and said he really likes that guy. He said he's a good dude. Artie was surprised to hear him bringing up stuff about him being drunk out in Las Vegas and being wheeled around in a wheel chair.
Howard said they had Hoobastank coming in later and started to play their hit song ''The Reason.'' He also said they'd be playing the Gossip Game and Bradshaw from the WWE would be in as well. He was singing along with the song he was playing. Howard got out of that and got Gary the Retard back on the phone. He said he heard that Gary applied for a mall security guard position recently. Gary said that wasn't true. He told Howard that he needs help getting a job and heard that Howard might be able to get him an agent. Howard thought it would be funny if he got that security job. Artie was goofing on him relentlessly again with his ''Hey Retard!'' stuff.
Gary was talking about how he had an agent at one time but he was dropped for some reason. Howard and the guys told him that it's because he doesn't actually do anything when he makes appearances that he was dropped. Howard was going to get off the line with him but he spent a minute saying goodbye to him over and over again. He kept him on the line for a short time just saying ''bye'' over and over again.
Howard said that they have a big party tonight for the E! show 10th anniversary. He's looking forward to that. He said he got a nice gift for the 10th anniversary thing and it was very nice. Robin was wondering if any of the old E! people were going to be there. Robin Radzinski came in and said that the old group would not be there because they weren't invited. She also told Howard about the food they were going to have there. Gary came in and told Howard that Al Rosenberg is going to the party as well. Howard noticed how short his hair was and got annoyed with that. He said it was too short and it was showing too much of his face. Gary said he gets it short so it doesn't grow back while they're on vacation.
Radzinski was talking about how the food selection would be ''Euro-Asian Fusion'' so Artie was goofing on that whole thing. He was doing an effeminate voice and goofing on what the waiters might ask him. That led to Artie saying that he'll be going alone to the party because Dana is out of town. Howard thinks that he's going to be going to Scores tonight as well. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard pointed out that people like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly have people who say that they can influence an election but he never gets any credit for being able to do that himself. He played some tape of Tammy Bruce and Jonathan Kaplan talking about what they think about Howard. Howard said that Tammy, who was the national head of the National Organization of Women, has talked about him before and she makes no sense. Howard said even the title of her book, ''The Death of Right and Wrong: Exposing the Left's Assault on Our Culture and Values,'' didn't make sense. The two were interviewed about Howard's effect on the election and whether or not they think that Howard can change the election. Tammy was talking about how it's not the President who wants to get rid of Howard Stern like he thinks, it's actually the people of the country who are upset about what's going on. Jonathan Kaplan seemed to think that Howard could have an effect on the election and he could swing the vote. Tammy insulted Howard's fans saying that people who listen to her are more educated than Howard's audience is. Howard said that the closer the vote is in the election, the more influence he can have on the swing vote.
Howard talked about Tammy Bruce for a short time and pointed out that some of his fans are going to vote for the very first time because they're upset about what's going on with the FCC and other things in Bush's administration. He also talked about how he'd like to interview John Kerry on the air and he believes that if he did come on the air, it would humanize him. One of the complaints people have about Kerry is that people don't know who he is. Howard seems to think that if he does the show, people will get to know him and they will vote for him.
Howard went off on Michael Powell for a couple of minutes. He pointed out that his father got him that job and he didn't deserve it. He invited him to fine him even more because it's just making him bigger than ever. He said that Powell is the biggest publicist he's ever had and he invites him to fine the show more so he'll get thrown off the air.
Howard said that there are people who enjoy talking about sex and other stuff every day so Tammy Bruce doesn't know what she's talking about. Howard got so upset at one point that he almost cursed. He told the guys that he didn't have to be bleeped but they had already hit the dump button on him. He continued to talk about how he will probably still be fined even when Kerry gets into office but it can't be any worse than it is right now with Bush in office.
Debbie Schlussel (DebbieSchlussel.com) called in and told Howard about an article that was written about him and how he may just be able to swing that vote. Debbie said she would never vote for Kerry herself but the article did say that Howard could swing the vote. She read some of that to him and let him know what that was all about. Howard knows that his show will influence the election. He'd like John Kerry to come on his show and thank his audience for what they're going to do for him. He wouldn't even mind if he came on and told him he's not a fan as long as he thanked his fans for voting for him.
Debbie pointed out some other things that have gone on with Michael Powell and the FCC. She said that he voted on the AOL/Time Warner merger and his father made $20 million on that deal. She said that it was a conflict of interest and he shouldn't have been allowed to vote on that merger. Robin said there's a lot of stuff like that going on in the Bush administration and that's why they have to get him out of office.
Double A called in and told Howard that he is going to be voting for the first time this year and he's voting for Kerry. He said that he doesn't like that John Ashcroft wants to get rid of porn because he can't live without porn. Howard said that the problem with countries like Iraq is that they don't have porn, strip clubs and other things to ''jerk it'' to. He said that if they had all of that stuff the guys over there would love their lives. He said they need some rock and roll, alcohol, pot and porn and they'd be happy over there. He spent a couple of minutes on that and then went to commercial break.
Howard talked about the author, Jeff Benedict, and how he was interviewed by 20/20 but the interview has been put on hold by them for some reason and people think that it's the NBA pressuring them. Howard continued to talk about how honesty would be the best thing for the game.
Howard said that the 20/20 people told Jeff that they wouldn't be playing his interview because they have other stuff they're covering instead. They're pushing off his interview until July. Jeff was on the line to talk about this stuff and he thinks that the NBA people are upset about his book and don't want people to know about it right now. Jeff said that he was inspired to write about this after Kobe Bryant's rape charges last year. He said he did some research on more of the players and found out about a lot of other crimes that players have committed.
Jeff said that there's one story about a player who sexually assaulted his nanny while his wife was in the hospital getting cosmetic surgery. The case was revealed but they said that the player did not assault anyone, it was just adultery. Jeff claims that there was a sexual assault though and it was covered up.
Jeff told Howard about this Gold Club down in Atlanta and how it was shut down because some of their dancers were performing oral sex on some NBA players. He spent a couple of minutes talking about that and how these players are not used to hearing ''no'' from a woman because they've had these ''yes men'' around them all their lives.
Jeff had a couple of other stories about one player who worked his way through a bunch of schools and committed crimes all along the way. He would get the best lawyers around and he'd get off each time.
Gary came in and told Howard about the nanny story that Jeff was talking about earlier. He said the player was actually discovered pleasuring himself by the nanny and when he saw her, he grabbed her and took her to another part of the house and forced her to give him oral sex.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he had a problem with the way Jeff was talking about black basketball players this way without bringing up other people who have a lot of money because he'd probably find the same thing. Gary told Chaunce that Jeff took half the NBA players and there's a good cross section of race so he wasn't going after just blacks. Chaunce was arguing that the book isn't fair but he didn't know that Jeff had covered the whole NBA.
Howard took a few more phone calls and let some people talk to Jeff about his book. One guy thought that all of these cases had to do with money. Jeff said that they're not about money because they're not going after money. They're going to the cops and filing charges but no filing lawsuits. Howard finds it amusing that a company like McDonalds has no problem advertising with the NBA and the NFL while they have players who commit crimes but they won't advertise on his show because they think he's a problem.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and let Jeff say that this book has nothing to do with race, it's all about big business covering up things like crimes their players are committing. Gary told Howard more about the research that Jeff has done and he found that in the cases that have gone to trial, the players end up getting convicted so it doesn't look good for Kobe Bryant. Jeff said that most of these cases never go to trial. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later and wished Jeff luck with that 20/20 interview getting aired.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about their upcoming guest Bradshaw from the WWE and some of the other things they had coming up. They were already running late. Gary came in to tell Howard about how they had to get Hoobastank in there to test the equipment. Howard asked Gary where his face mask was. The other day they told him that he was going to have to start wearing a mask to cover up his face when they have hot chicks in the studio. Gary tried on a bunch of masks that they bought yesterday. Howard then read through a bunch of mail they got about the discussion they had the other day about Gary's distracting face. Howard got some mail telling him that he should be covering up his own face. Gary put on a bee keeper's mask while Howard was reading the mail and it looked pretty good to the guys. Howard read a few more e-mails from people who think he should be wearing the mask, not Gary. He had a lot more to read but he had to take a break first.
Howard heard that Scott the Engineer was out bothering the guys in Hoobastank with his son's new CD. He asked Gary to tell him to stop with that because the band doesn't care about it. He went to break right after that.
Howard said that the guy was dressed in a suit and you don't usually see wrestlers dressed in a suit. He went on to talk about how Bradshaw has been in the WWE since 1995. He was also a financial analyst as well. He was working on CNBC as a financial analyst but part of his act over in Germany was to goose step in front of the audience. He said that he'd been doing it for 13 years over there because he plays the part of a villain in the WWE. He said his character is supposed to be a reprehensible character. He said it's a cross between Pat Buchannan and David Duke among a few others.
Bradshaw does have a basic script to follow when he's playing his character but he also has a certain amount of freedom to do what he wants as well. He gets the audience going and when the good guy wins, everyone goes home happy. Howard said all he was doing when he was goose stepping was reminding the Germans about their history. Howard pointed out that Bradshaw is just playing the part of a character in this WWE thing so people shouldn't take it so seriously. It's like he's in a movie or something and it's scripted.
Bradshaw doesn't think that he's that great of an actor so he doesn't know why CNBC fired him for playing a part like that. Bradshaw said that the German media says that him giving a Nazi salute is not against the law over there so they're actually defending him. Bradshaw says that CNBC believes that what he did was wrong so they let him go.
Artie did his Eric Bishoff impression for a few seconds but forgot the name of the character he was impersonating which was pretty funny. Gary came in and told Howard that Bradshaw found out about being fired through a press release. They didn't even tell him directly. Howard said it's very similar to what Clear Channel is doing to him. They are slandering him and making it very hard for him to get another job.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people talk about what's going on. One guy said that Bradshaw went over to Iraq and wrestled over there. Eric the Midget called in and said that he finds some of that stuff that Bradshaw did to be offensive because he had family members who fought in that war. Bradshaw said he also had people in his family who fought in World War 2. He told Eric that his character is scripted so he should get over it. Howard said that Eric is out of it because he has a crush on American Idol Kelly Clarkson.
Howard told Bradshaw that he thinks CNBC is out of line for doing this to him so he feels bad for him. He gave him a couple of plugs for an upcoming match he has against Eddie Guererro.
A guy claiming to be a CNBC producer called in and said that this guy pretending to be a Nazi was just wrong and if he has to go around posing as a Nazi to make a pay check, he deserves to be fired. Howard told him he was out of line and got him off the phone a short time later.
Howard talked about Bradshaw about his engagement to Merideth Whitney from FOX news for a short time. They've only been together for about 9 months but they're already engaged. Howard thinks that he should take it a bit slower and not do the same thing that Stone Cold Steve Austin did and go through a bunch of marriages. He ended the segment a short time later and took another commercial break.
Howard asked the guys to give them an example of what they were going to do for the Deuce Bigalow soundtrack. They were going to cover Rod Stewart's ''Do Ya Think I'm Sexy'' for the movie but it didn't work out. They performed a little bit of that and a little bit of Cindy Lauper's ''Girls just Wanna Have Fun.'' The guitar wasn't tuned right so they bailed out on that after a few seconds.
Howard introduced the guys from the band after talking to them about how they don't use drugs. The lead singer said he's like the biggest puss around and hasn't even smoked a cigarette. He said that he does drink though. Howard read about how much poon tang they get so he talked to Doug about that. They spent a short time on that and then Howard decided to go over and play with the band for their song ''The Reason.'' Howard said that he'd be playing the keyboard part which is at the beginning of the song. He ended up talking to the guys in the band and found out that they don't even bother reading music, they just play by ear. A couple of them are self-taught and didn't even take lessons.
Howard said he got a call from Eddie Van Halen the other day and started playing him a song over the phone. He said that Eddie didn't even say anything, he just started playing. He joked that he's going to take the song, put some lyrics over it and sell the song.
Howard asked the guys who wrote ''The Reason.'' Doug said it was he and Dan who wrote it and it's usually the songs that come out quickly that do the best. Howard wondered if the song was about him. He said he likes the line ''I'm not a perfect person.'' Howard wondered who the song was about. Doug said that he was in a relationship at the time and he was fine so it was actually based on thoughts he had about previous relationships.
Howard made a joke earlier about the band's name having been Jesus H. Christ's middle name and that's where they got it from. Doug said when they signed their contract back in 2000 they didn't even have a name. The name was something that was made up by some high school friends and it was some kind of inside joke. The guys wouldn't say exactly what it was and there really wasn't a meaning to it.
Howard went over to the keyboard so he could start the song with the guys. He wanted to practice a little bit before actually starting the song. Chris the drummer asked Howard what a guy had to do to get a BJ. It sounded like he was looking for something from Robin. Howard started his piano playing and couldn't keep a steady pace for some reason. Doug told him to keep going though. They started the song a few seconds later and everything went wrong so they had to restart it. They got it right the second time and went through the whole song.
Howard told the guys it was a great performance. Artie said it was great except for the very beginning when Howard was playing piano. Howard asked Doug if he was a popular kid in high school. He said he was definitely not cool back then and he just got started singing by default.
Howard had the guys perform another song for them after that. They performed their latest single, ''Same Direction.'' They weren't really prepared but they did a great job with the song. The guys were worried that it wasn't going to sound that great. Howard took a couple of phone calls after that and one woman said that ''Same Direction'' was going to be her wedding song.
Howard tried to find out if the guys have banged any famous people yet. They said that they don't even get that many people hanging out back stage with them. Howard told the guys that he enjoyed having them in and then gave them a couple of plugs for their album ''The Reason'' and for their web site Hoobastank.com. They asked Howard if he was going to come down to Atlantic City for the concert they're part of on the 26th at the Borgata Casino. Howard isn't sure if he's going to make it. Artie has a gig down in Florida so he doesn't think he's going to make it. Howard has been to the Borgata and it's a great place.
Artie said while the guys are doing their thing at the Borgata, he's going to be at a place called Boca Nuts in Florida telling dick jokes with Bob Levy. He sarcastically said that he'd rather be doing that than hanging out at the Borgata Maxim party. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard couldn't get the CD to play in their CD player so he said that Scott is such a loser that even the CD won't play when they want it to. He eventually got it to play though. Scott's son sings on the CD so he was closing his eyes as he listened to the music. Howard goofed on him a little bit about that. Howard said that Tom is being really nice to Scott by letting his son's band play at this concert but Scott is apparently going around complaining about the band not getting enough tickets. Scott said he wasn't complaining but he wondered what happened to the 2 tickets he was supposed to get as an employee. Tom said he wasn't aware of that and he should have had 2 tickets for him.
One caller told Scott that the name of the band should be Vertigo Blows instead of Vertigo Blue. Captain Janks called in and said that the band is good but the mixing is bad on the CD. Scott is the one who mixed the CD.
Tom wants to play the karaoke performances from Las Vegas but Howard isn't happy with the performances. He doesn't really want them to play them but he can if he wants. Gary came in and said there was some other controversy about the VIP tent they have at the concert and how no one can get into it. Scott the Engineer knew about it so Howard wondered why he's so worried about it. Howard doesn't care about it at all. Howard told a quick story about how he had to sneak Scott in one year because they wouldn't let him in for some reason.
Mike and Howard talked about the controversy with this scumbag Lloyd Grove the other day. Howard said there's an article in the Page Six column of today's paper where Richard Johnson talks about the run in Howard had with Grove. Howard thinks that Grove is in over his head and has no business being a gossip columnist in New York City. Howard wrapped up with Mike a short time after that and then brought in comedian Richard Jeni.
Richard told Howard about how he got invited to the White House one time for a dinner and he thought he'd invite his father who doesn't do anything along with him. He said that his father really didn't want to go because he thought he'd have other things to do. Jeni said he asked his mother instead and she was thrilled to get the invite.
Howard gave Richard a plug for some gigs he has coming up at Governor's in Levittown this weekend. Jeni talked to Howard for a couple of minutes about something that Gary had brought up about XM satellite's station with comedians doing stand up. He said that he doesn't make a dime from that stuff like musicians do when they get their albums played. Howard said that it might be good exposure but Jeni said that would be like him stealing an XM radio and when they confront him about it he'd say that he was showing it to everyone so they were getting good exposure. Howard and Richard spent a couple of minutes talking about that before Howard had to take another break. Jeni sat in for the rest of the show while Robin did her newscast.