Howard said that things have gotten so nuts after Janet Jackson's breast thing that the NFL has canceled their pre-season concert already. He started going off on this Kansas Senator who is going after all of these broadcasters for this stuff. He said that New York Senator Chuck Shumer is spending his time on more important stuff like passing bills about putting gang members behind bars when they commit pointless crimes as initiations into their gangs. He said all of this stuff is making him crazy.
Howard and Robin talked about what they did over the weekend. Howard complained about how cold it was in New York City today. He then took some phone calls. One caller asked Howard why he doesn't do commercial endorsements for products to make some extra scratch. Howard told the guy that he's been offered stuff like that but he didn't think it was enough money. He also said he might be thought of as a sell out even though he wouldn't mind doing commercials like that. The caller also suggested that some of those gang members he was talking about kill Tom Chiusano for him. Howard didn't think that was very funny though.
Another caller said that he was at the Knicks game on Friday night right behind him. Howard was there and left the game early so the caller told him he tried to say something to him and he just ignored him. The guy said he was 5 rows behind him and he had to have heard him. Howard said he didn't hear him and it was very loud in there. The guy also said that Howard didn't walk out the VIP area that he should have and was walked through the crowd to stroke his ego. Howard told the caller that he was told that he couldn't go out that way and was walked out the way the young guy there showed him. The caller also said that Howard was sitting next to Leonardo Di Caprio and Ethan Hawke but he didn't say a word to them. Howard told the caller he didn't go there to talk to anyone, he was there to see the game. Howard said he wasn't looking to talk to Leonardo even though he thinks he's a good actor. Ethan Hawke was there as well but he wasn't looking to get into a discussion with them. There were a bunch of other celebrities there and all he wanted to do was watch the game.
Howard was invited to a wedding by some woman who sat down next to him during half time of the game. He was asked to sign a few things for the woman and he did it even though he was missing the free throw during half time. The caller said all he was trying to do when Howard was leaving was support him. Howard said he just didn't hear him though.
After the game he saw the circus people who were there so he said hello to some of them. Then he saw Lorraine Bracco and Edie Falco and said hello to them. He went upstairs to a VIP area to get something to eat and sat down with Lorraine and Edie and some other people to have something to eat. He said that Edie was in his movie and she told him that her biggest paycheck before The Sopranos was his movie because she worked overtime on that. Howard said he said hello to Matthew Modine back there as well. He didn't talk to Ethan Hawke though because he really doesn't know the guy.
Howard had a lot of fun at the game. He said he left something out... This guy Angry Black is like the mayor of the game. He gets to go everywhere at the game and he dragged Bill O'Reilly out of the crowd and dragged him down to talk to Howard. Howard said he talked to Bill about the stuff he says on his show and told him he really needs to speak out against the FCC on his show. He told him he really needs to stick up for him on his show. Now he feels he owes him half an apology for some of the stuff he's said about him lately. Howard was on the internet this weekend and wanted to see what Bill O'Reilly had said about him. He found that Bill was saying that he's against indecency but the FCC has to define the rules. Right now they're very vague. That's what Howard has been saying for a long time now. He said you can go on his web site HowardStern.com and read about some of the stuff that the FCC is fining him for and how shows like Oprah Winfrey's do the same material and don't get fined.
Howard brought up the latest nonsense going on with Clear Channel. He said that these two guys down in Atlanta did a show where they were going to record a porn star talking dirty to the fans and then play it backwards. They left their microphones open during the recording and it made it out on the air with curse words and all. He said that Clear Channel hasn't fired them though. They're supposed to have a zero tolerance policy that got him fired but now they have these two guys cursing on the air and they've only suspended them so far. Howard didn't even curse on the air and he was taken off.
Angry Black called in and told Howard about what happened with Bill O'Reilly at the Knicks game. He said he told Bill he didn't think he had the balls to talk to Howard. He had to give him credit for that though because he didn't think he would actually talk to Howard. The two of them talked for a couple of minutes before Angry Black had to get off the line. He told Howard how good Beth looked before he got off the phone. Howard mentioned that she's doing another FHM shoot down in Florida so that should be out sometime in the future.
Big Black also called in and asked Howard who he would call Mother of the Year, Whitney Houston or Courtney Love. Howard said that it might be Whitney because she's not with her kid as much as Courtney is. That led to Howard talking about a call he got from Courtney over the weekend. She was talking about how she, Howard and Martha Stewart are the three most famous people in the world and how she wanted to meet him somewhere to talk about what's going on with them. Howard didn't call her back though. He had to take a break after talking about that.
Howard took a phone call from Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) who said he saw Jim Carrey's latest movie ''Eternal Sunshine'' and it was really good. He said he had to give him credit for the movie. That led to Howard talking about a movie he saw over the weekend. Beth rented ''21 Grams'' and it was really depressing but very good. Howard and Robin talked about how good the movie was. Howard said the 21 grams was not a drug reference like he though. He said that when you die you lose 21 grams. Howard thinks that it's when you pee and poop your pants but Robin said that's not what it was.
Howard said that the movie that's getting rave reviews is ''Dawn of the Dead'' and it actually surpassed ''The Passion of the Christ'' over the weekend. Howard said that he doesn't think that either of those movies is all that different. He pointed out that parents wouldn't bring their kids to see something like ''Dawn of the Dead'' but they drag them to ''The Passion of the Christ.'' Howard said he heard a story about a woman who brought her 8 year old son to see that movie and the kid had his head buried in his mother's chest so he wouldn't have to watch it.
Howard finally started to watch ''Freddy vs. Jason'' and so far he's enjoying it. He held off on watching it for some reason but now that he's started it, he's liking it better than he thought he would. Howard said that the director of ''Alien vs. Predator'' was supposed to call in last week but he never did. Howard said he's been posting letters from fans who are still arguing who will win in that movie. He's got all of these problems going on with the FCC and Clear Channel but people are writing in about ''Alien vs. Predator.'' He read some of the letters he has up on HowardStern.com and talked about who he thinks would win in the movie.
Howard tried to get Eric to get some phone sex from her but he had to coach him through it. He found out that she's 5'2'' tall and has a 40-D breast size and weighs 138 pounds. She's 35 years old and has never done any girl on girl action. Howard tried to get Eric to ask the questions but he wasn't as into it as Howard was. It took a little while but he finally got her to answer a question. Eric wasn't talking much so Howard kept feeding him some lines. He's too shy to say any of that stuff. Howard was going to give up on him but he fed him a few more lines. He had Eric asking her if she smells good and if she was wearing panties. All Eric wanted to do was tell Howard that he just celebrated his 29th birthday party recently.
Howard told Eric to say a few other things but Eric said he wasn't going to do it because he has family members who listen to the show. He said he has a cousin who wants to wring his neck for being on the show. Eric kept changing subjects so Howard bailed out on the call. He told Eric that he just needs to get a little more sexual off the air with her and he could probably get her.
Howard moved on to talk about how he was on the cover of the NY Post over the weekend and everyone is now using pictures of him from last summer where his hair looked wet. He said they're horrible pictures though. That led to him talking about seeing a picture of Star Jones in a bathing suit and how horrible she looked. He said Fred forwarded them to him and he said she looked like a water buffalo or something like that.
Howard complained about all of the spam e-mail he's getting these days as he was trying to find the picture of Star Jones. He also mentioned that Fred sent him this picture of a Clear Channel billboard where there are two women with their breasts partially exposed. They're not being very consistent with their zero tolerance policy. You can see that picture of the billboard on HowardStern.com. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard then showed Robin and the guys the picture of Star Jones in a bathing suit. It was pretty horrifying according to everyone who saw it. Howard said her thigh was bigger than a boulder in the picture.
Howard had tape of Gary Garver interviewing George Takei at some appearance he was making. Gary told him that Garver was at when he did the interview but Howard was so distracted by Gary eating on camera that he talked about putting that up on his web site so people could see that. They played a couple of the song parodies they have about Gary and played some eating sound effects while they did that.
Howard took some phone calls before getting to the George Takei thing. One caller said that the Today Show just did a comparison of what Howard was fined for and what Oprah just did on her show recently. Howard was fined but Oprah will never be fined because of who she is. Howard said he has the transcripts up on his web site so people can see the similarities. He wants people to file complaints with the FCC to try and get Oprah fined for that stuff as well.
Howard took a call from a phony Arnold Schwarzenegger who had some stuff to say about how powerful Howard is when it comes to helping people get elected. Howard and ''Arnold'' spent a couple of minutes talking about the power of Howard's show. Howard asked Arnold to denounce George Bush there on his show. Arnold told Howard that he would back Howard up during the problems he's having. After a couple of minutes Howard wrapped up that call and moved on to other stuff.
A listener from the Philadelphia area called in and told Howard about a news report where someone said the F-word during a broadcast. Howard told the guy that we have to start reporting all of those violations to the FCC and get everyone fined that they can.
A listener from Rochester, New York called in and said that up in that area they're still advertising that they have Howard's show on the radio station even though he's off the air on that station. Howard said that they don't have his show anymore and they're in violation of their contract and not paying him. He asked the guy to get him tape of that so he can use it against them.
Howard finally got to the tape of Gary Garver interviewing George Takei. Garver was on the line and told Howard that Takei was doing a lecture about internment camps. Howard played the tape after that. Garver asked Takei about how long he was in the internment camps and if he's still angry about having been there. Garver was in the middle of his interview when some people interrupted him and said that they're going to see him when he does an appearance out in Arkansas. Howard didn't even know what they were talking about when they interrupted Takei.
Artie was doing his impression of Takei while they were playing the tape. He goofed on him for a couple of minutes. Garver then asks Takei if he thinks there will ever be peace on Earth. Takei was having problems with his voice and kept clearing his throat. Takei made a little speech about how we can try to make peace on this world.
Garver asked Takei what kind of dog he would suggest for small child. Takei told Garver that he had a mongrel when he was a young boy. Garver then asked him if he was offended by Janet Jackson's breast. Takei recognized Garver after that and said he was going to end the interview. He kept going with the interview though and answered a few more questions. Garver asked him if he ever studied the art of Bukkake and then asked him if he's ever cried. He also asked him what he thinks of Howard Stern. Takei said that Howard is a wild man who appeals to millions and millions of people but he didn't want to support him in any way, he just wanted to move on to say hello to some of the people who were there to talk to him. Howard said he could listen to that guy all day long.
Gary came in and told Howard about how may games there were over the weekend. There were like 48 games and Artie bet on maybe 28 of them. Artie admitted that he may have bet between $10,000 and $20,000 on the games.
Howard's phone rang in the middle of that conversation. It was Courtney Love calling him on his cell phone. He tried to tell her that they had to call her back on a different line so they could put her on the air. Gary had to take down the number from her. Howard said she left him a 15 minute long answering machine message over the weekend and she just rambled on and on. Howard said he thought it was funny how she doesn't know the difference between his cell phone number and his radio station number. He said he'd take a break and get to her then but Gary told him not to do that because they'd lose her.
Courtney was on the line a minute later. She started off cursing so Howard had to hit the delay on her. Courtney started to ramble a little bit about her daughter calling her and saying that she was having nightmares. Courtney's phone was horrible and it was tough to understand what she was saying. Howard was going to put her on hold again so they could get her on a land line phone so they could understand her. He took a break while they did that.
Howard told Courtney that he would rather not see her do Jay Leno's show because he's ''Letterman Lite.'' Courtney said she has to go on that show to be ''normal.'' She was rambling a little bit about her daughter and what's been going on with her lately as well. Courtney told Howard that she and her daughter live the most normal lifestyle and you wouldn't know it. She warned Howard not to go there with her today.
Howard was trying to help Courtney out but she wasn't listening to him. Courtney told Howard that she likes Leno and his wife but Howard isn't to thrilled with him these days since he stole Stuttering John from his show. He changed subjects and asked Courtney about the microphone stand incident that happened at a show recently. She said that she didn't even have a mike stand that night and she never threw one into the crowd.
Howard saw something else in the paper where Courtney was letting a homeless guy kiss her breast. She said she doesn't even remember that happening but she was mobbed at the Wendy's restaurant.
A concierge interrupted Courtney and told her to put out her cigarette. Courtney asked Howard to ask the guy to let her keep smoking so he did that. The guy said he'd let her smoke for a couple more minutes. Courtney then went on to talk about how she and Howard are in the same boat because of their fame. She told Howard how powerful he is with his radio show and how more people tuned into his show after the 9/11 thing than into Tom Brokaw or other guys like that.
Howard said that he didn't call Courtney back the other day when he got the message from her because she never lets him talk. He said he's never seen anyone with more energy than she has and she must crash for days after being up for so long. She said that she thinks she's very normal most of the time, she's just adrenalized all the time.
Courtney was telling Howard that her daughter might lose her horse because they don't have the money to support it for some reason. Courtney said that she has hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars was confiscated and put somewhere in a bunch of accounts. This was supposed to be her daughter's trust fund. She was rambling about where the money may have gone but it didn't make much sense.
Howard asked Courtney if it might be a good idea to keep a low profile for a while. She said that's what she thought she was doing. She continued to ramble on and on while Howard tried to ask her questions. She would just keep talking when he would ask a question. Howard wondered if she's just trying to get him to have sex with her or something.
Courtney and Howard talked about Clear Channel and what's been going on with them lately. Howard tried to get Courtney to come down to the studio to talk to them. He told her that he'd give her a carton of cigarettes if she came down. She wasn't sure she'd have anything to say if she came in. Howard started to wrap up the call with Courtney but she just kept talking. He told her to just get in a car and down to the studio. She was having some issues with a paparazzi guy. She went out and handed this guy the phone so he could describe her. She was going to go back upstairs to get her purse before coming in. The guy said that she looked great so Howard told her to just get down there as fast as she could.
Courtney handed the phone to the concierge at the hotel so Howard told him to make sure that she gets down there. You could still hear her talking in the background as Howard was talking to the guy. A listener called in a short time later and said that he now knows why Kurt Cobain killed himself. Howard ended up giving that guy a couple of Rain Forrest concert tickets.
Artie and Howard did a bit goofing on Courtney after she was off the line. They had this circus music playing in the background and they just blurted out various subjects that she was talking about during the call. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that he's not sure she'll make it down there. He was trying to give the concierge the address but Courtney could be heard in the background saying that she would only make it there if they billed the limo to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard took another break after that.
Howard brought up the Knick game that he went to on Friday and how he was in Celebrity Row there. He was there sitting next to Leo Di Caprio and his mother. He said he didn't talk to them while he was there because he just wanted to watch the game. He said that Leo's mother was an older woman. He talked about how they ordered some fries and other food at the game and it smelled great. He said he really wanted to eat some of that stuff but he held off because he was supposed to go out to dinner after. He went on to talk about how fat people will complain about their weight but then they'll sit down and eat all of that crap.
Howard said that Leo was wearing a hat and was able to blend in pretty well with the crowd. Howard can't blend in because he's like Big Bird walking in. Then they put him up on the big screen and he got a round of applause. He didn't know what to do when he was on camera though so he pretended to look around and then decided to look into the camera and give a wave. KC told him he should have knocked the french fries out of Leo's mother's hand. He should have done that or chugged a beer to get the crowd behind him.
Artie was at Scores the same night and saw Howard on TV when they showed him at the Knicks game. He told the stripper that he was his friend when he saw him on the TV. Artie told Howard about the new Scores and how great the place was. Howard wants to have a bachelor party for his friend Richie over there but the guys want to have his family at the party. Howard said they can throw one for him separately if they want and he'll throw him a Scores party on his own.
Artie was out at a bar over the weekend and he was eating some other guy's Buffalo Wings. The guy got a little pissed but forgave him and just wanted a picture of him giving Artie the finger. He did that and then headed over to Scores. Artie got a tour of the whole place and got to see all of the rooms. He and Scott DePace were there together so they got some lap dances. Then DePace got a call on his cell phone. It was his wife who put his son on the line. DePace said a few words to the kid and then handed the phone to ''Uncle Artie.'' Artie didn't know who the kid was and the kid didn't know who Artie was. He started to cry that he wanted Daddy so Artie tried to cheer him up while his stripper was hanging out. Scott's wife got on the line a few seconds later and apologized for what was going on but then spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his girlfriend and stuff like that.
DePace came in a minute later and said that he dumped his cell phone off on Artie because he was busy with his dance. Howard wondered why someone would do that to another guy while they're at a strip club. Howard told DePace that he will never go to a strip club with him again after hearing that. DePace asked Artie how much he spent that night at Scores. Artie hesitated and eventually told the guys that he spent about $1,400 on dances. That day he spent a total of about $4,000 on bets and dances.
KC said that the good thing is that they have a new CD out and he got a hold of it. He had Howard play their latest song ''Hotel Bob.'' The guy just mumbles and yells while the music plays. KC told Howard about this guy who talks about getting a phone call from Chad Everett in one of the tracks. He also sings about the guy after playing the phone call. Howard said it must be great to be a retard because getting a call from a washed up actor thrills you. The guy sings a bunch of lines about how he's going to meet Chad Everett.
KC said that John Tesh helps out with one of the songs on the CD. He plays tambourine in the awful song. They do a rasta version of ''How's Your News.'' Howard played another song after that and wondered who's buying the album. They got their copy for free and they might be the only people who would actually pay for it.
KC told Howard that these people take the retarded people to schools to show people that just because you're retarded doesn't mean you can't do anything. Howard said they really can't do anything though and the songs are horrible. KC told Howard that he's trying to make this work for them to show up live in Las Vegas when they're out there in May. Howard played one more song as they were going to commercial break. This one was about the How's Your News people going up to Toronto. Robin and KC were laughing hysterically as the retarded people were singing about Toronto over and over again. Howard went to break right after that.
During the news a guy called in and talked about how a guy out in Los Angeles had just let the F-word out on the air. That led to Howard talking about that and then playing tape of a Philadelphia TV station letting the F-word out during a live broadcast during the destruction of a stadium down there. Howard played the tape but bleeped out the F-word of course. He told the guy who called in he could get information from his web site, HowardStern.com, so he could file a complaint about that and the Oprah Winfrey thing with the FCC.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she went to a Neil Young concert over the weekend and he had a big banner speaking out against Clear Channel and President Bush. Howard said that Neil has been speaking out against them for a long time and so has Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam. Howard said the only mistake Eddie made was not asking other bands to back them up.
Howard and Courtney talked about her drug use many years ago ''back in the day'' with Kurt Cobain. She told Howard that she hasn't done anything in about 10 years.
Gary came in and pointed out the hickey that was on her neck. Howard asked her where it came from but she wasn't talking. She jokingly said that it was the homeless guy from the picture that was in the paper over the weekend. Gary told Howard that Courtney came in this morning after getting a ride in with a guy from the National Enquirer.
Howard said that Courtney's outfit was see through this morning. She said that's what she slept in. Howard noticed that her feet were dirty when she was showing him her feet.
Howard wanted to do a real interview with Courtney so he tried to calm her down and asked her about her past heroin abuse. She told Howard that she was the last person to lose her virginity in her peer group. She said one of the first times she had oral sex was with Ted Nugent. She said she was young and she didn't want to say exactly how old she was. It was a long time ago and she didn't even have breasts yet. She was only 12 and a half years old back then. She told Howard that she didn't have real sex until she was 18 but she admitted she was lying about 5 seconds later.
Courtney got sidetracked quickly and didn't want to talk about that stuff. She changed subjects and asked Howard to continue the fake interview. Howard wanted to look up her skirt but she didn't want to show him. Howard asked her if she's ever been to a psychiatrist and what he's told her. She said that he told her that she is ''ADT'' which, according to her, is like ADD for smart people. She said he did suggest a drug for her to take that would allow her to finish a sentence. She said if you want to be creative though, you can't take it.
Courtney got into her daughter's trust fund problems and how her money was stolen and put into about 40 different accounts. Howard wanted to talk about that but Courtney said that she was starting to sound like Lenny Bruce talking about money like that. Howard tried to find out more about her heroin use after that. She said she tried some way back and got sick taking it. She got back into it later and had a problem with it after that. Howard told Courtney that he had a problem with quaaludes when he was in college but both Courtney and Robin made fun of him about that addiction and how tough it must have been for him to get off of.
Howard asked Courtney about her night in jail last week. She was arrested after a show she did where a guy claimed to have been hit with a microphone stand. Courtney says she didn't even have a mike stand and she heard that this kid lied about his name and disappeared from the hospital after she was arrested. She also said that the guy told actress Natasha Leone that someone told him exactly what to do to get her in trouble after being offered $10,000.
Courtney was rambling about her court case about her the prescription drug use and how all of that went down. Howard had to cut her off during her rant after she ripped a microphone out of the stand. He had to take a break but Courtney was pissed that Howard was talking about her kid... but he hadn't said a word about her daughter. Howard told Robin to apologize for talking about her kid but she hadn't said anything about her either. Courtney ended up breaking down and crying saying that she didn't want Howard talking about her daughter. Howard wasn't talking about her daughter so he didn't know what she was talking about.
Courtney tried to explain what she was talking about but it still didn't make any sense to Howard. Fred played the music he played earlier in the show while Artie sang about all of the stuff that Courtney was talking about during the interview. Howard broke to commercial in the middle of one of Courtney's rants.
Another woman called in and said that she wasn't able to get tickets for her show and she was crying as she was telling her how much she loves her. She hoped that Courtney would get her daughter back but Courtney told her that she has her daughter, she just can't sleep at her house or something like that.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Courtney but Courtney wouldn't let them say much before interrupting them. One woman called in and said that she was beaten up by a bouncer at her concert the other day. She said she put her drink on the stage and then got dragged away by the bouncer. Howard cut her off and took another call. A guy asked Courtney if she's holding anything back from Howard about her drug use in the past. She told the caller that she doesn't want to talk about everything with millions of people.
Howard asked Courtney if she's clean and doesn't have any STDs or anything like that. She said she is clean which is surprising because of all of her friends who used drugs out in the San Francisco area. Howard changed subjects and said that she looks more normal in person than she does when she's photographed. He said her lips look weird on TV and in pictures but they looked okay in person.
Courtney told Howard about her breast implants and how she had them at one time but now she doesn't... or she does, who knows, she was all over the place with that. A caller asked Courtney about the black guy who was suckling her in the pictures that were printed over the weekend. She said that it doesn't matter if he was black and she's slept with a black guy before. She didn't say who he was but did say something about him ''moving like a gazelle'' in the sport he played.
A guy called in and said he was at the club where Courtney allegedly hit someone with a mike stand. The guy said he did the sound there and it wasn't a mike stand, it was a tripod that hit the guy. Courtney denied it all of course. Another guy, Echo Man, called in and asked Courtney if she's ever done LSD. She said her father gave some to her when she was 4 but never finished the story. She couldn't stay focused and just kept changing subjects. She told Howard about going to a flower show with Martha Stewart one time and how cool she was.
A guy called in and defended Courtney about the mike stand thing. He said that she didn't do anything wrong. Howard also took a call from a guy saying he was Brad Pitt's brother, Stu, who said he was the one who gave her the hickey on her neck and now he's selling the gas mask he wore on eBay because her coochie smelled so bad.
Howard gave Courtney a plug for her album ''America's Sweetheart'' and tried to talk to her about that. He also asked to see her lift up her skirt so he could check out her hips. She did that for him and he said that it didn't look all that bad. Courtney said she's been working out trying to keep in shape. Courtney wanted to talk more about the album but Howard had to go. It was 10:50 in the morning and it was getting late. She was telling Howard about working on the album and all of the other girls in the band. Howard asked her what the best song was on the album. She told him to play ''Hold on to Me.'' He played some of that and let Courtney ramble for a couple more minutes. She said that she hopes that the FCC eventually leaves him alone. Howard said they will never leave him alone. She continued to talk so Howard had Artie do his song where he sings about all of the subjects that Courtney was talking about. It really was amazing how much stuff she talked about while she was there. Courtney liked what he was doing and got in on it and added some more stuff to the song. Courtney said that Howard had just introduced her to her soul mate (Artie). She went over to him and asked him to keep going. They were doing a duet with the rambling song. Howard let them keep going as he wrapped up the show. She was back by Artie in his area and she was apparently grinding him. It was insane but Howard had to end it because it was already 11 o'clock.
Howard said that they'd be playing the Wheel of Gas this morning. He also talked about Courtney Love coming in late in the morning yesterday and how there were a bunch of news reports about her coming in. She's a good guest according to Howard. He read a bunch of e-mail about her appearance. Some people loved her and some hated her. People enjoyed Artie making fun of her though even if they didn't like her. Howard said he could watch her 24 hours a day if she was on a reality TV show. He said they wouldn't even have to hide cameras from her because she wouldn't realize they were there anyway.
Howard read a bunch of the e-mails that he got about her. He said he tried to leave after the interview yesterday but Courtney demanded that she go with him. Howard said he ran down the hall to his office and took a nap after that. Robin said he stuck her with her instead. Howard said it was just too much for him and she doesn't know what tired is because she never gets tired. Gary said that she didn't even realize that Howard had bolted down to his office.
Howard talked about how wacky Courtney is and how she says a lot of funny stuff. You just have to wait a long time to get to the funny stuff. Artie said he could listen to her every day if it was in small doses. Howard thought that he should use her for his ABC interview show that he's planning. He doesn't want her to do Jay Leno's show like she was talking about yesterday.
Robin said she got Courtney distracted after a while and ran out just like Howard did. Artie said he held up some shiny keys in the corner and distracted Courtney so Robin could make her getaway. Fred was playing burn out sound effects and Howard said that's exactly what he did yesterday. He just ran out as fast as possible when she wasn't paying attention.
Howard said he was up at 4 in the morning today and chatted with Jeff Schick from IBM for a little while. He was up early but only because he was over in Paris on business. He thought it was kind of cool that he was chatting with Jeff while he was over in Paris. Howard interrupted that conversation to talk about the guy who was pictured suckling Courtney Love's breast in a picture that was printed over the weekend. The guy was called a homeless guy in the news but he's not homeless. He lives at home with his parents and he wasn't too thrilled with them saying that he's homeless.
Gary came in and told Howard how Courtney wasn't paying attention to him when he was trying to tell her that they had a car waiting for her. She was distracted so much that she was just ignoring him. She was saying hello to everyone as she was being escorted out and kept him busy talking about how she did on the show and stuff like that. He eventually got her out to the hall but then she saw Tom Gisimundo's office and rna in there to talk to him even though she didn't know who he was or what he did. She was trying to get someone who could help get her record played on their station. Gary said they were getting all of this stuff on video tape.
Gary stopped in some of the other offices on the way out. She ended up in the music director's office and the Program Director walked by so Gary grabbed him and threw him in the office as well. Gary had a bunch of stories about Courtney's behavior and how easily distracted she is. Gary said he eventually convinced her to leave and got her in the elevator. They got downstairs and there were a bunch of paparazzi down there so Courtney had to prepare for them to take pictures of her. Once she was in the revolving door she grabbed Gary's arm and made him walk her to the car. Then she didn't want to get in the car and started doing interviews with everyone.
Courtney made Gary get in the car with her and asked him to call her record company to find out if they were mad at her. He finally got her to leave after that and called her record company for her. The record company was fine with it so he tried to call Courtney but he had to call her limo driver who gave her his phone. Courtney was okay with that and told Gary that he was sending a picture of her daughter back up to the station with the limo driver. Gary said that she wouldn't get off the phone and she just kept talking. He ended up transferring her call to the guys in the program director's office. He was done with her after that but he heard that they were transferring her call all over the place after that.
Artie suggested that they send her call to Jim Florentine so he can yank her around the next time she calls in. Howard thought that would be pretty funny. Gary said that chick loves the camera and loves the paparazzi. That's actually how she got down to the station yesterday. She hitched a ride with one of the photographers that was outside of her hotel taking pictures of her. Gary told Howard that's how Jessica Hahn used to work. She befriended some of the photographers that used to snap pictures of her.
Gary said that the driver wasn't from this country and he looked like he was just stunned by everything that was going on. Howard and Artie were doing their Indian impressions making fun of the guy and creating conversations that he might have when he answered his cell phone. A listener called in and said they have to give her Stuttering John's job. Howard said they'd never get a phone call if that was the case. She'd never get off the phone with people. Another caller said that he wanted to hear some clips and wondered when it would air on E!. Robin Radzinski came in and said that they have to go thorough a lot of it with the lawyers because she said so many slanderous and libelous things. Howard and Radzinski talked about what they want to do with the show for a couple of minutes.
The caller Howard had on the line wondered if Stuttering John misses all the fun that they have on that show. Howard said that it might be too early to know and it is a lot of money for the guy. Then he said that Beth asked him if he misses John. Howard said he actually kind of forgot the guy wasn't there anymore. He didn't mean to be rude but he doesn't seem to miss the guy all that much. Now they're running a contest where a bunch of people are going to compete to win his job for 3 months. You can find out more about that at HowardStern.com.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that the show was great yesterday. The guy also asked about the thing they have going on with the ''Win John's Job'' contest. Howard told him to check out his web site to find the details. The guy just wanted to come in and take the job so Howard got him off the line.
Someone asked who was harder to get rid of, Sam Kinison or Courtney Love. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how they would just leave Sam in the studio for hours after the show. He was pretty tough to get rid of as well. Howard had to take a commercial break after that.
Howard took a call from the guy who was pictured suckling Courtney Love's breast in a picture. Howard tested him to make sure he was the real guy. The guy, Koffe, said that he must have just been in the right place at the right time. Now he wants to take that picture and put it on t-shirts and sell them. The guy wanted people to know that he's not homeless like they said in the newspapers.
Howard heard that the guy who took the picture gut $100,000 for the picture according to Courtney. Howard wasn't sure he believed that though. He said if he did get that kind of money, he should have thrown this guy on the phone a few bucks. The guy told Howard how he saw Courtney acting like herself in the restaurant and he just went up to her and asked to take a picture with her. The guy said he'd like to hook up with her again and if Howard could help him, that would be cool. Howard ended up giving the guy a couple of tickets to the Rain Forest Concert.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching ESPN's ''Cold Pizza'' talk show and Gene Simmons was bad mouthing Howard. Howard wasn't sure he was bad mouthing him because he didn't hear the tape for himself. He said he'd wait until he hears the tape. Howard said that Gene isn't the brightest guy, he is in KISS after all.
Howard was talking about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions that he saw the other day. He was talking about how hot Alicia Keys was during that show. He also talked about the guys from Outkast inducting Prince and how lame their speech was. He talked about Bruce Springsteen and Kid Rock's speeches and how good those were.
Howard said that they had a lot of stuff to get to including the ''Wheel of Gas'' where Junior the Farter will be farting in women's faces. The women will be competing for breast implants. The prize was courtesy of ''The Punisher'' movie so Howard ended up talking about that and some other comic book heroes. The guys spent a couple of minutes on that stuff before Sting's wife Trudy called in.
Howard asked Trudy to talk about what she was wearing this morning. She said that she was in her Yoga outfit and a lot of spandex. Howard asked her if she and Sting are swinging these days. She said they are and Robin didn't know if she knew what he was talking about. She knew and admitted that's what they're doing.
Howard wanted to know about the experiences that Sting and Trudy have had. He found out that Trudy has brought home some women for Sting to bang. She also said that she doesn't really get jealous when her husband has sex with other women. She said that she's shared some chicks with him as well but the last time she did it was back in 1996 or so.
Howard goofed on the speeches that Trudy makes at these Rain Forest concerts. He played one of the speeches where she gets really serious and talks about the Rain Forrest. They goofed around with that for a couple of minutes. Howard was also talking about how hot Trudy and Sting's daughter Coco is. She's only 13 though. Trudy wondered how Howard would feel if Sting was hitting on his 11 year old. Howard said he had no idea how old that 13 year old was. He thought she was like 18. Howard and Trudy talked about the other kids for a short time before Howard gave Trudy a plug for the Rain Forrest concert. He said that there will be a lot of celebrities there. You can find out more at RainForestFoundation.org.
Gary came in with tape of Kelly and Jack Osbourne talking about Trudy and Sting. He played that but Trudy said that they have kissed and made up since then. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that. Howard said that those concerts really are great and he hopes that once the rain forests are gone, they keep doing them. He went to break right after that.
Howard asked Robin what's been going on with Jayson Williams the basketball player. He's on trial for the shooting of his limo driver. Howard said he loves the story because he didn't have to play anymore and he was making a ridiculous amount of money. Howard said the guy must have been bored, went out with some of the Harlem Globetrotters and his limo driver ended up getting shot this one night. Howard heard that the guy is a really angry guy and allegedly shot his own dog one time because it didn't do what it was supposed to do. Howard told that story as he remembered it. He also spent some time talking about the limo driver and how he ended up getting shot at Jayson Williams' house. Howard said that he owns guns himself and his have never gone off accidentally.
Howard talked about how all of these guys were in the room when the shooting happened and how the guy had no chance once the gun went off. Howard played a song parody about the shooting to the tune of ''I Shot the Sheriff.'' Of course the song was called ''I Shot My Limo Driver.'' Fred also played ''Sweet Georgia Brown'' in the background since Williams had a bunch of the Harlem Globetrotters at his place when the shooting happened.
Howard had a bunch of tapes to get to this morning but he wasn't sure how he was going to get through them all. He also had the Wheel of Gas to get to. KC came in and told Howard that the girls weren't there yet for the game.
Howard has a bunch of stuff on his web site HowardStern.com. He says that if the senate passes this bill and the President signs it, he's out of there. He doesn't want to be there when the FCC decides to pull shows from the last six years and fine him $10 million or something like that.
Howard pointed out the hypocrisy of Clear Channel and their ''zero tolerance'' policy. They haven't fired Elliott in the Morning after he did an ''indecent'' broadcast but they fired Howard for a caller saying the N-word. He said this whole thing is f'd up. Howard goofed on John Tesh about his idiotic comments about how it's about time they start fining broadcasters.
Sean the White Rapper called in and told Howard that he shouldn't be giving up so easy with this thing. He thinks that Howard should be standing up for himself and shouldn't leave radio. Howard said everything is really weird because Bono said the F-word on a broadcast but the FCC isn't going to fine NBC for that even though they're saying that it was an indecent broadcast. Howard said that they need everyone to file complaints about every broadcast that can be considered indecent. There was an F-word let out on a Philadelphia TV broadcast. Then there was an S-word after a basketball game that made it out on a network program. Howard believes that he is being targeted for some reason and the whole thing is friggin crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered why Howard isn't talking about how the democrats are following along with the republican party and the indecency stuff. Howard said that he has talked about the democrats following along. He also said that even if Kerry isn't going to be any better on these things, you can't leave Bush in charge for another four years. He said that Bush is bowing to the religious kooks who are just as bad as the taliban. He pointed out that Bush knew about what Al Queda was up to in Afghanistan but he decided to attack Iraq instead. Howard believes that it's time for a new Commander in Chief. Howard told the caller that there is a big difference in character between Bush and Kerry.
Howard said he knows that he's history on radio and his show is more important to the freedom of this country than people know. He wondered why people are so afraid of speech and what he talks about on the air. So he talks about vagina, what's the big deal? He said that maybe Jay Leno will take over his show and it'll be really edgy. Howard said maybe he'll do the Wheel of Smiles or some lame stuff like that. He suggested that people go to the John Kerry web site and donate some money to his campaign. Make sure you let him know you're a Stern fan when you do that.
Howard said that everyone who is pissed about the show going off the air should register to vote. You can find out more about how to do that at HowardStern.com. He said his fans can show their support for his show by voting Bush out of office. He spent a couple of minutes on that and then took another commercial break.
KC asked Howard if he wanted to hear Junior the Farter blast a few for him. Junior was there with an assistant. He introduced her to Howard and he said she looks pretty good. Her name was something like Schickorice or something. Howard asked her to take her jacket off so he could check her out. He said she had a nice body after she took her top off and showed her underwear. The two of them have known each other since 9th grade or so but they're just good friends. Schickorice said that she's got a boyfriend and he gives it to her good. She told Howard that she doesn't weigh herself but she was on the scale in the studio. She was 128 pounds and 5'7'' tall.
She told Howard that she has a C-cup but Howard checked them out and said they couldn't be bigger than a B. He had her come over so he could measure her with a measuring tape. He told her they were B's after measuring her. Artie thought they needed a second opinion so he measured her as well. He came up with a B as well. Howard wanted to get a better measurement without a bra on but she wasn't into that.
Howard had Junior the Farter blast a few farts for them. Junior let a bunch rip and Schickorice said that he used to do that stuff all the time in class. He would fart in class and when they were out running. She said that all of the younger girls in school loved him for some reason and he got laid all the time.
Howard thanked Junior and Schickorice for coming in and also ''The Punisher'' movie who supplied the money for the implants that they never got to give away. Howard was going to wrap up the interview but KC wanted Junior to attempt the longest fart record. Junior sucked in some air and let his longest fart rip. It was a full 18 seconds long. Not quite the longest record but a good attempt. He tried a second one but that was only 15 seconds. Junior let a few more farts rip after that but they weren't for the record. Howard wrapped up the segment and let Junior and Schickorice go. Junior got in a plug for The Melvins before he left.
Howard got tape of Gene Simmons talking about him on ESPN's ''Cold Pizza'' the other day and he didn't bad mouth him like the caller said earlier in the show. He was actually defending Howard and he's fine with that.
Howard played some clips from the Courtney Love interview he did late in the show yesterday. He played one bit where Courtney made some claims about the guy who claimed to have been hit in the face with a microphone stand. She went nuts talking about that stuff. There was also a clip of Courtney talking about her daughter and crying but then snapping out of it and talking about oral sex with Ted Nugent. Then Howard played a clip of Artie goofing on all of the different things she was talking about to music. Howard mentioned the stories that Gary told earlier in the morning.
Howard said that Riley Martin the Alien expert called in and left some messages for Gary. Howard said he loves the way the guy talks kind of like the way he loves George Takei. Riley tells Gary that he should get together with Howard to talk about his book becoming a movie. There was another message left hours later where it sounded like he had a few drinks in him. He was slurring his speech more than in the first one. Riley was talking about some weird stuff in the second message. He was telling Howard how much he likes him and how he should hang tough during everything that's going on. He also seems to think that his movie could be bigger than ''The Passion.''
Riley (TheComingOfTan.com) called in a short time later and said that he hadn't gone out drinking that day. He sounded like he was slurring his words again. Howard said that maybe he had a stroke or something. Riley was talking and talking while Howard muted his own voice. Riley said that Howard represents freedom to him and if he's taken off the air he'll have to whoop his ass.
Howard asked Riley about his book being made into a movie. Riley said he needs about $60 million to make the movie. He needs that for the special effects he has planned for the film. Howard said he would like to make a ''Happy Gilmore'' type movie with Riley as the lead. Robin said he wouldn't follow direction but Howard said that's what would make it great.
Howard said he doesn't think he could budget more than $500,000 for the movie. He figured Riley would fall for that. Riley said that he couldn't buy the hot dogs for that kind of money. Howard had to wrap up the call with Riley after a few minutes. He knows that Riley gets pissed when he has to go but he got off the line anyway.
Howard created Riley's movie with the help of Fred playing some music and sound effects in the background. He did his impression of Riley and said that Denzel Washington could play the part of Riley.
Cindy said she has a cartoon called ''Cindy BC'' in the works over at Spike as well. That will be loosely based on her persona. Cindy said the Spike show might not be on Spike, it might be on VH-1 or something like that. Howard discovered that the whole thing is just an idea at this point. She wasn't calling in to promote that stuff though. She was actually calling in to promote ''Oblivious'' that is airing on Spike TV tonight at 9pm.
Howard told Cindy that he ran into her hot friend Elisa who was on his show one time with her. Howard said he wanted to get her on the show again but she never got back to them. Cindy said she's not friends with her anymore because of some stuff she did.
Cindy said there is no more ''Most Downloaded Woman'' title anymore. Guinness retired the title back in 2001 when there was a lot of controversy about who really was the most downloaded. Cindy said that her old TV show is still running in 26 countries even though she only did 26 episodes of it. Howard told her they still play clips from the show on his show once in a while (as a goof).
Gary brought in some topless pictures of Cindy from an old issue of Hustler. She was only 19 years old in those pictures. Howard wondered why she's so against nudity. She said she wasn't against nudity, she just chose not to do nude shots other than the ones Howard was looking at. She spoiled everything when she told Howard that she gained 80 pounds while she was pregnant. Howard had her plug this show she's doing for Spike tonight. She described what will happen on the show and then wished him luck with the whole FCC thing. Howard said that ''Oblivious'' doesn't sound too bad and it might be something he would check out.
Howard said Cindy gives him a headache when she calls in. He mentioned how she was talking about that MILF show and then said that it's not even in production, it's just an idea at this point. He also said that it looks like she might have had a little work done on her face. He said she looks a little Chinese or something. He said he was looking in the mirror the other day and wondering if he should have his face pulled back a little bit. Then he decided he didn't want to look Chinese and gave up on the idea. Robin said she's been thinking the same thing because her age is starting to show. Howard told her she looks great though and she doesn't need any work. He had to take a break after that discussion.
Howard said now we'll be stuck with the Ryan Seacrest's, Jay Leno's and John Tesh's of the world. He asked his fans to rise up and vote out Bush. He also suggested that we read Al Franken's book (''Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right''). It's really good according to Howard.
A listener called in and said that on some news channel they were talking about Howard saying that the reason he had Courtney Love on was to take the negative coverage off of him to put it on her instead. Howard figured the guy is probably hearing it wrong and that's not actually what happened. He had Robin start her news shortly after that.
During the news Howard was talking about how KC told him that he's really into chicks but he wouldn't bang Courtney Love. Howard said he understands that and it takes a special guy to bang her. KC told Howard that she used to do it for him but over the past couple of years something happened to her and it just doesn't work for him now. He talked about how she's all over the place talking about stuff and how wacky she acts. Howard spent a couple of minutes.
A little later Howard was talking about how Beth has been cooking meals for him about once a week lately. He said she made Engagement Chicken again last night and it was really good. He said he sat down with a bottle of red wine and enjoyed the meal. That led Howard and Artie talking about their drinking during the week. Artie also talked about his relationship with Dana. He said that he doesn't have much contact with her dog but she did buy the dog a crate so it wouldn't bother him. He said he had to stop that because it was crying in the crate. He said he actually took it out for a walk and had some fun with the dog one day. He's not a big fan of the dog thing and he doesn't spend as much time with Dana since she got it. Howard and Artie talked about that stuff for a short time before Howard had Robin get back to her news.
Howard said he heard Gary trying to clear his throat of phlegm without him hearing it. He said it was really bothering him because he was trying to eat his breakfast. Howard told Robin he knew it was going to be a tough morning as soon as he heard that going on. Gary loves to come in and talk according to Howard. He said that Gary has to give him a break when he's that phlegmy. Gary said that he's always asking for stuff first thing in the morning so he has to be in there. Howard told him to just send KC in because he doesn't have to be in there himself. Gary told Howard that he's sick today and he's got a sore throat. That's got something to do with him clearing his throat.
Gary said that he's taking some of this Airborne stuff that they advertise on the show. Howard asked him to Fed-Ex some of that stuff to his mother because she's getting sick as well. That led to Howard talking about his mother and what she's bugged him about his whole life. He said she complains about him working out too much and getting sick and when she gets sick, she can't understand it. She thinks that the illness comes from stress but she has no stress in her life.
Howard called his parents the other day to talk to his mother but his father answered the phone instead. He said he just asked where his mom was and spoke to his father like he barely knew him. He said you'd never know that the guy was his father. He doesn't know the guy all that well and he only knows his father's political views. His father asked him what that stuff was that he advertises. He told him about the Airborne and his father was going to get some of it. He called his mother the next day and she still hadn't gotten any of it. She told him that they went to Pathmark to get it but they don't carry it. That's why Howard is having Gary send some over to them. They're doing pretty good otherwise. He said his father is 81 years old.
Howard changed subjects and said he has a lot more stuff up on HowardStern.com with links to different stories and articles about what's going on with everything. He said Gary called him yesterday and he was all bummed out after talking to Benjy's sister who has some inside information on the indecency bill that might be passing in the next week or so.
A listener called in and said that Gary could clear his throat if he just ate an apple. Howard said it sounds wacky but it's true and apples do help. Howard then talked about how he clogged the toilet bowl yesterday after eating a bunch of string beans the other night. Of course this discussion had the delay button hit on it multiple times. He was trying to describe the movement but it was cut out by the delay.
The caller told Howard that Courtney Love would be a perfect match for him if she wasn't so crazy. The caller was giving Howard some astrology readings that Howard really didn't want to hear. He rushed the guy through it. The guy predicted that some day, Robin will marry Mark Harris. That led to Fred playing some of Mark Harris' awful music. Robin said that his singing would kill her. They goofed on Mark for a minute and then moved on to some other stuff.
Comedian Shuli called in and asked Howard about how much Tom screwed up on Friday not letting him play the Oprah Winfrey tape. Howard said it was a huge mistake but you can hear the tape on HowardStern.com. He said that what they talked about on her show, tossing a salad (anal oral sex), is even more graphic than what he was just fined for talking about 3 years ago. He said that people are sending in complaints about her show but the FCC will probably say that it was supposed to be ''educational.''
Tom Chiusano came in and tried to get in some words about why he didn't let them play the Oprah tape. He said it has to do with how they're trying to show that this is all affecting free speech. Howard told Tom that he was going to have a serious discussion about the hypocrisy of all of this. Howard said he wants to show that Oprah just won't be fined no matter what. He said that people like Michael Powell believe that someone like Oprah is America's Sweetheart and she will never be fined. He also said that Ryan Seacrest had a couple of F-words out on his first radio show a few weeks ago and he will never be fined.
Shuli asked Howard to play some of the tapes that people have sent in for Stuttering John's job. Howard said he would play some of those and told Shuli he thinks he'd be a good choice for the job as well. He got off the phone with him and moved on to some other stuff.
Courtney told Howard that the FCC is not this huge government agency when it's really just three people running it. She was starting to ramble so Howard had to cut her off. She wouldn't let him cut her off though and she kept rolling with her thoughts about the FCC. She wanted to fax something over to him as well.
Howard told Courtney that the piece in the paper was about her daughter so she started to cry. She asked Howard what it said so Howard told her it didn't say anything bad about her daughter, it was about how bad Courtney is. She stopped crying pretty quickly and wondered if she's supposed to be Avril Lavigne or something like that. She started crying again within a few seconds so Howard tried to help her out. He told her that the woman complained about Courtney flashing her boobs to David Letterman last week. Howard then told Courtney that the article was actually from The Onion and it was a phony article. Robin told her that he was lying and it really was in the NY Post.
Howard told Courtney that the article was just a woman complaining about her sexuality on Letterman's show and how it offended her. He said that it didn't say anything bad about her daughter but Robin said it did mention something about her being at the Grammy Awards and how she got lost there.
Howard asked Courtney if she'd be interested in doing an interview with him for his ABC special. She said she really doesn't think that she could help him out because she has no power. Howard ended up talking to Courtney about her new CD for a minute. She said that her record company was upset with her not promoting it more than she did. Howard had to take a break shortly after that. He tried to stop the interview but Courtney still had a lot to talk about. She was still rambling a bit so Howard tried to cut her off. She continued to talk about a bunch of stuff until Howard put her on hold to give her their fax number.
Howard and Robin continued to talk about Courtney for a couple of minutes after that. Howard didn't want to upset Courtney any worse than he had, that's why he told her that the article was a joke from The Onion. He said he goes nuts when he hears a woman cry. His mother went through a period in her life where she was crying every day. He didn't say what the reasons for that were though. He went to commercial break right after that.
Howard and Robin were talking about how little Howard does for himself these days. He's not even sure where his apartment building is located. He said that he couldn't get from home to work because he doesn't have directions to the place. The caller told Howard that they're trying to get 1 million signatures on this StopFCC.com web site so they need more people to go there and sign up.
Howard told the caller that Gary was really upset about what he's heard from Benjy's sister who works for this Creative Coalition thing. He also spoke to a lawyer who told him that this indecency bill is going to pass in some form or another. The guy told him that no one is opposing the bill for some reason and the lawyer laughed as he told him that. It's election year and no one wants to be on the wrong side of the issue. Howard can't believe that they're all backing it. Gary mentioned this senator Brownback who is behind this bill. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Brownback is trying to get a bill passed that would say that people who go to other countries where stem cell research is done, might be held as criminals if they tried to get back into the country. Howard said that this guy is really dangerous and is behind a lot of useless issues. There's a woman who is going up against Brownback and she needs some money to help her campaign. Howard said he has links for heron his web site as well.
Howard talked about how insane this guy sounds and how these religious freaks are trying to take over. Gary told Howard that the senate was supposed to vote on this indecency bill sometime this week but it was pushed off until next week. Now they're saying that it could be pushed off until after their April recess. Howard said he thinks that they could possibly still be on air in May but after that they might be gone. Gary told Howard about some of the things he asked the lawyer about. He said that radio stations could be fined for just playing a song like Pink Floyd's ''Money'' where they say the S-word. They could be fined $275,000 just for playing that song. Radio stations in small markets can't afford fines like that and neither can Howard.
Howard said that this is all selective enforcement as well but there's no way that they'd ever be able to get the case to the Supreme Court either. He'd love to fight this stuff but it's just going to be impossible. He had to take another break after that.
Howard said he thinks he'd go watch something like that and Artie said he'd be interested as well. Howard wondered why Scores doesn't do something like that so they could gamble on the chicks there. (NAME REMOVED) told Howard it would be presented in an elegant manner. He also said they'd have it available on the web as well. They need about $15 million to get it started though. Howard wondered if anyone has signed on yet. They haven't had much luck yet but they're still looking to get money.
(NAME REMOVED) told Howard that the women would be paid on their finishes and the better they do the more they'd move up and the more money they'd be running for. He said that in a Maiden race they'd pay out $1000 for first place and $500 for second. Howard said a great race would be Oprah vs Star Jones... but that would ruin the whole idea of having hot chicks run. (NAME REMOVED) said that the girls would be able to promote their web sites and stuff like that as well.
KC thought this idea was brilliant and they should do something like that when they go out to Vegas. They also talked about how it's legal for women to run topless in New York City so they could do it there as well. Robin didn't believe that the bill was ever passed to make that legal though.
A woman called in and said that it's tough for women to run with their breasts hanging out without support. (NAME REMOVED) said the race is only about a 30 second race so it wouldn't be that long.
Shuli called in and asked if they'd have to put the contestants down if they get hurt in the race. He also suggested they have midgets riding on their backs during the race. Artie was coming up with some ideas for names they could use for the chicks running in the race. Shuli told him he's looking forward to seeing him in the Unemployment line in about 3 months.
Howard gave the guy a plug for his web site ThoroughBreastRacing.com where you can find out more about this or invest with them if you're interested.
KC said that everyone in the studio was in the game as well as Tom Chiusano. Howard played the first song which was Hanson's ''Mmm Bop.'' Howard thinks that it was Benjy just trying to be funny and he could smell it a mile away. KC confirmed that it was Benjy. Benjy said that he really loves the song. Howard told KC to leave him out of every contest from now on. Howard said that no one likes that song and he could smell that bit a mile away. KC told Howard that his brother loves that song as well.
Howard played Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful'' next. It was Howard's song and everyone knew it was his. Howard said the song brings a tear to his eye. The song was written for girls according to Robin. Howard admitted that it was a gay song, that's what the game was all about. The guys spent a couple of minutes arguing about Christina Aguilera and if she's hot or not.
Howard played the next song which was Leann Rimes ''How do I Live.'' Howard said it had to be Tom Chiusano because the song was soulless but it turned out to be Gary. Howard said that he likes bands like Steely Dan so it's not surprising that he liked this song.
Howard played the next song which was ''Kiss the Rain'' by Billy Myers. Howard guessed that it was Fred but it turned out to be KC's favorite gay song. Howard played Prince's ''Raspberry Beret'' which they guessed was Fred's song. Turns out it was Artie's.
Fred's song was actually ''Desperado'' which wasn't a gay song according to the guys in the studio. Howard said it's a great song and it's not a gay song. Fred defended his choice and said that he really doesn't like any of the gay songs out there. He said he just tunes them out.
Tom's gay song was Chris Deberg's ''Lady in Red.'' Howard said he never heard the song so he didn't think it was a good choice. Gary and the guys told him it was a huge hit though. Howard denied that and went to commercial break.
Howard said you should also tell them to define indecency laws instead of just making them very vague like they are now. Howard asked Robin about where they're at with this indecency bill right now. Robin doesn't know when this is going to go to vote in the senate. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about that stuff.
Howard asked her how she puts up with her brother but she wasn't talking. Gary also asked her how old Benjy really is but she didn't say for some reason. Howard heard that he's like 38 years old but Benjy said he's not. He says that he's 32. Howard wanted to see his driver's license but Benjy said he doesn't have one on him. Howard told him he could straighten it all out if he just showed them his license. It didn't happen though.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy told Howard that Madonna's new tour is being sponsored by Clear Channel. He thought that Madonna was for free speech and found it hard to believe that she'd be sponsored by a company that took Howard off the air for no good reason. Howard went on to talk about how Clear Channel has a lot of his clones on the air doing the same stuff he does, but they don't take them off the air. Clear Channel just had one of their morning teams air a really graphic sexual segment and they didn't fire them. Howard said that they're not honest businessmen over at Clear Channel and they're ''crooks and cheats'' because they're not paying him for the contracts he has with them on the six stations they yanked him off of. Howard wondered when they're going to fire those guys down in Atlanta and Ryan Seacrest for letting out some curse words on his show.
Howard said he's going to start investigating the heads of Clear Channel and he wants his money without negotiating with them. He's going to take them to court and fight it all the way. He and the caller talked a little more about Madonna.
Howard wants Bush out of office so bad that even though John Kerry's people were laughing at them when they found out that he was supporting him, he's still behind him 100 percent. He said he hates talking about this stuff and changed the subject again after that.
Howard brought up American Idol and how all of the men on the show can't sing. All of them horrible. Robin was making fun of Howard for watching the show but she knew exactly who he was talking about when he mentioned them. Howard pointed out how Simon was picking on this one little black chick who he thought was actually good. The guys were all worse than her so he didn't get it. He and the guys spent a little while talking about the show and what's been going on with it lately. Howard brought up how disturbing looking Randy Jackson looks since he lost weight.
Howard watched the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame show also. He brought up Outkast's induction speech for Prince and how horrible that was. He said they didn't mention anything about his music and didn't put any thought into their speech. He mentioned Keith Richard's speech about ZZ Top and how bad that was. He said that Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty made some really nice speeches.
Howard played Keith Richard's rambling speech for ZZ Top and talked about how insane he sounded. Howard said that Keith should have said something about ZZ Top but he didn't say much of anything before introducing them. Howard wished he had Tom Petty's speech because he was a ''class dude'' making his speech. Artie said that Dave Matthews was inducting Traffic but all he did was tell a story about himself and then said that Traffic was playing when his story happened.
Howard was trying to find something to play but he had a song he found on the web by Soul Coughing. He really liked a song they did years ago called ''Super Bon Bon.'' He was wondering what they're up to these days and found they have a new song out. He played some of that and asked Robin what she thought of it. She didn't like it and pointed out that Howard didn't even recognize what it was when he started playing it.
Howard played their ''Bad American Presidents'' commercial parody. It's similar to the Budweiser commercials they run and it was all about Bad American President Bush. He had to take a break right after that.
Howard had Gary bring in Kathy Griffin. He then took a call from guy who claims to have seen Gary while they were on vacation. He said that Gary was eating a ton of french fries and he was sitting at a blackjack table holding up the whole table trying to figure out if he should take a hit or not. The caller was calling Gary a monkey and making fun of him so Howard ended up bailing out of the call.
Howard moved on to Kathy and gave her a plug for her show ''The D List'' which airs on Bravo tonight. Howard and Kathy talked about how gay people have made that channel popular with ''Queer Eye'' and stuff like that. That led to them talking about how Barbara Streissand has a big gay following. They talked about that a bit and then somehow ended up talking about Frank Sinatra. Howard was never a fan of Sinatra's so he goofed on the guy.
Kathy was telling Howard about going to see Cirque de Soleil and running into Brooke Burns there. She said that she looks like a real Barbie doll in person. She said sh didn't remember her even though she went to dinner with her one other time. Kathy said that Bruce Willis, who is dating Brooke, was giving her a hard time at this horrible Cirque de Soleil thing she was at. Kathy ended up saying that she thinks that Brooke might be slightly retarded. She did something that cracked her up when she was hanging around with them. Kathy said that Brooke is really loud when she talks so during the show she was making announcements about what was going on up on stage.
Howard asked Kathy about defending him on the Wayne Brady show. She said that Wayne is really nice so she didn't know that Howard had it in for him and had goofed on him before. She went on the show and the audience is the mid-west housewife group. Howard goofed on the guy about his singing the news.
Kathy said she was doing material about Clay Aiken and Ryan Seacrest and the crowd wasn't with her on that. She then brought up Howard and what was happening to him. The crowd was dead silent and she started to feel the flop sweat coming on. She said Wayne wasn't saying a word either so she finally realized that the audience hates Howard. They hated her for saying stuff about Clay Aiken and Ryan Seacrest and then Howard Stern. Then Wayne started to tell her how he thinks Howard does cross the line sometimes. She said she had the flop sweat coming through her butt crack and everywhere else. That's when she remembered that Howard had goofed on Wayne. Wayne did defend Howard's right to be on the air even though he thinks that Howard might cross the line sometimes. Kathy said that she told the crowd that she doesn't like Rush Limbaugh either but she thinks he should be allowed on the air. There was no response from that either.
Kathy told Howard about doing Jimmy Kimmel's show recently as well. She had stories about Kathie Lee Gifford and working with her over at Hollywood Squares. She talked about how insane she comes across when you hear the stuff she says. Howard said she really isn't normal and that's why people like to watch the train wreck that she is. Kathy then got back to her story about doing Jimmy Kimmel's show. She wanted to ask Regis about why she hasn't been on the show in a long time. Regis said he would check with his producer Gelman about why she hadn't been on. Kathy said she ended up talking to Regis about Howard and what was going on with the FCC. Regis apparently loves Howard and told her that they live in the same apartment building. He told Kathy that Howard is a great neighbor. Howard doesn't like to talk about that stuff and Regis is the only one who brings up the fact that they live in the same building. Kathy said Regis told her that Howard is ''the best'' but only off camera.
Howard brought up ''The View'' and how the new chick on the show, Elisabeth, was talking about Howard and how he goes too far. He said she doesn't realize that there wouldn't have been ''The View'' if he hadn't been on the air. He said that the other women on the show were bad mouthing him as well. He said their show is just a format rip off of his show.
Howard took a call from a woman who told Kathy to ''SHUT UP!'' because she was talking too much. Another caller said that she was really annoying and Howard should take her off the air. Another caller asked Kathy what's going on with her face. She called him an a-hole and wouldn't let him talk. Howard wondered why she wasn't letting him talk because she's open about her plastic surgery.
Kathy told Howard and Robin about going on Oprah's show and how she got on because of her plastic surgery. Ralph called in and said he loves Kathy on the show but then said ''Why the long face?'' He said that he's seen her on old Seinfeld shows and she looked good back then. He said she has straightened out her hair and she's meant to have curly hair. She aid the curly, messy hair goes along with the messy face.
Ralph also brought up how Howard was goofing on Frank Sinatra about how he made his buddy Gilli pick up his underwear when that's what he does with him. Howard said that he doesn't kick his underwear across the room like Sinatra did and then tell his assistant to pick it up. Ralph does that in private.
Kathy and Ralph went at each other about the whole plastic surgery thing. Howard told her that she looks good to him. Howard had the E! guys put up a picture of Ralph so Kathy could see who was picking on her. She said she's not about goofing on people who aren't that good looking though. Howard told her that she has a great body. She showed it off a little bit for the guys.
Howard told JD to start recording this Elisabeth chick on ''The View'' who comes across as a real idiot on the show. He had tape of the women talking about a DJ that was fired for making some racial comments. Elisabeth said some stuff about DJs and how she thinks they do go too far because they're not sitting there talking to people in front of them. They eventually get around to mentioning Howard's name while talking about freedom of speech. Joy Behar and Merideth Viera were almost defending Howard without mentioning his name. Then Elisabeth said that things do go overboard sometimes and Howard has crossed her line. Star Jones then freaks out and starts saying ''Who's that?'' like she doesn't know who Howard is. Howard said that you'd think the younger one on the show would be the one who understands what they do on the radio these days.
A woman called in and told Kathy that she was a great guest. Kathy said that's what she needed after all of those other calls. Howard then gave her some plugs for her show ''The D List'' on Bravo and her web site KathyGriffin.net. He went to commercial break after that.
Howard started off the show talking about how tired he was. He tried to get to bed early but had to stay up to watch American Idol. He also watched a little bit of ''Freddy vs. Jason'' before that. He said he watches the movie in little bits like he watches porno. He said the movie is pretty good so far but he's not done with it yet. He told Artie about the movie since he hadn't seen it yet. Robin said that he's only about 10 minutes in from what he said he's seen so far. Howard has heard that they're going to make another sequel to the Freddy vs. Jason thing and he doesn't like that.
Howard and the guys are supposed to go see a preview of ''The Punisher'' today. He's looking forward to seeing ''Hellboy'' though. He's read a lot of good stuff about that movie. He was also looking forward to ''Van Helsing'' but he's been reading some reviews of that and they're not good so far. He said he thinks ''Hellboy'' looks like it may be a little B-movie looking in the way it was filmed. Howard ended up talking about John Travolta for a couple of minutes when he brought up ''The Punisher.''
Robin asked if Howard thinks that Simon Cowell flipped the bird to Paula Abdul. Howard said it's just another ridiculous thing that's being debated. Howard said it's obvious that Simon has always rested his head on his finger on the show. Now they're thinking about fining the show for that. It's the religious freaks going at it again and they seem to think that the country is going down hill because of little things like this. There's no reasoning with those people either.
Howard brought up this Senator Brownback and the letters he's been writing to his boss. He also brought up Heather Wilson who he was asked not to talk about. He said ''screw it'' and called her an uptight priss. He went off on her for a short time.
Artie mentioned this lawyer Steve Lehrman that is working for Howard's station these days. He's the one who talks to Tom Chiusano about the stuff that they hit the delay button on. Howard said Tom and Steve spend time after the show talking about what they hit the delay on and if they were right or not. Howard said the guy bills them for time every time Tom calls him with that stuff so the guy must love them. Today in the paper there was a memo that the guy wrote for everyone in the company. Artie read the article for Howard and pointed out that he says that they are advised not to talk about anything the way they have in the past.
Tom came in and told Howard that he does not listen to tapes with Steve every day like he says he does. He said he doesn't take tapes of the show and listen to them every day, they just discuss things.
Howard said they found out that Kathy Griffin's appearance on Wayne Brady's show was edited so that her comments about Howard were cut out. Howard said they have to call her later and let her know about that. Howard had to take a break after that but ended up talking to Tom about who actually hits the delay button when they have to censor the show. Tom said he sits in the back room with Dead Air Dave and tells him when to hit the button. Howard went to break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard talked about the day he told his father that he was getting divorced. His father told him that maybe he should just have an affair instead of getting divorced. Howard wonders if his father has had affairs himself. He said he wouldn't be surprised if he has. He did impressions of his father and goofed on him a little bit. He said that his father hasn't talked to him about the divorce since that day. It's been over four years now and he still hasn't asked him how it's going. Howard's mother was pretty good about everything and she was actually cool with everything that went on with the divorce.
Howard said he really doesn't want to talk about the stuff that's going on with the government and how he really doesn't want to talk about it. He said that he just wants to know when the Senate passes the bill, then he's out of there. He said he's just not going to show up to work if that thing passes. He's not going to broadcast if individual broadcasters can be personally fined for stuff they say on the air. He said he will not be doing terrestrial radio if that happens. Benjy asked him if he would keep doing radio if Infinity backed him up and said they'd pay the fines. Howard said he would love if they did that but they'd have to put about $100 million in escrow that he could get to. He may already be in trouble if they can go back 3 years and fine him for 3 year old shows.
Howard got back to his American Idol discussion. He talked about last night's show and how the guy who reminded him of Cabbie was voted off. Beth is away in Florida shooting an FHM magazine layout so he had some fun alone in his apartment last night. He said he never thinks about the On-Demand porn that he has available to him until Beth goes away. He said he's much rather be with her but when she's gone, he has to take care of business himself. He knows the channel, 1001, and goes right to it when he has to. He found a movie about ''teenage girls'' but none of the girls were in their teens. He put on the movie but couldn't remember the name of it.
Howard described the porn movie he watched and how the guy in the movie looked like he was retarded. KC came in and asked if it was one of the ''Barely Legal'' movies. Howard didn't think that was it but it was a series. KC said that the titles of the movies they have are pretty funny and he likes to just read them. Howard said titles are important to him for some reason.
Howard said he was talking to the TV while watching the movie. He said he was talking about how cute this chick was. Gary came in and told Howard that KC e-mailed him last night asking for the password to the Paris Hilton video so he could empty himself. Gary said he has a tape of that video and he has it cued up to just the right spot so he can finish himself off. Both Howard and KC asked him to make copies for them so they could watch the tape.
Howard continued to talk about this porn movie he watched and how some of the guys shave down completely for some reason and it's really disturbing. He didn't like some of the positions they were doing in the first part of the movie. He fast forwarded through that and got to the second story. He described that movie and said that the chicks were really hot in it. The second chick kind of looked like she was 18 even though he knows she wasn't. The guys weren't that good though. He said one guy must have been a steroid head because he had boils on his head. He figured that the first two chicks were great so the rest of the movie must be just as good. Then he forwarded through it and the next two chicks were fat. The last chick in the video looked like she was about 35 but she was claiming she was 18. He said he had to just end it all with the 35 year old. He was completely nude by then and had to clean himself up.
Howard caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he was going to clean up and saw the belly he has even though he works out hard every day. He hardly eats and he's in the gym trying to keep himself in shape. He said it's really depressing. He still has his hair though so that's his one good quality. Howard was goofing on the guy in the porno but he couldn't even be in a porno.
Artie told Howard that he and Dana were having sex and he caught a glimpse of himself in her mirror and said it looked like she was being attacked by a bear or something. Howard told the guys that he had sex with this chick that was in Playboy and she had mirrors in her room. He said she must have seen him in the mirror and it couldn't have been good. He said that chick was really hot and a really nice girl. He didn't say what her name was though. He had to take another break after that.
Howard brought in this woman Lorna Hart who was bringing in the Superman Costume from the Christopher Reeve ''Superman'' movies. She came in and told Howard that they have a certificate of authenticity for the costume. Howard said that he saw that some guy had his Fartman costume for sale from his movie ''Private Parts.'' It's missing the big glowing ''F'' though. Lorna told Howard that this suit is on consignment with them right now and they're an auction dealer. They have an estimate for it to sell at about $30,000 to $40,000. Howard and Robin said it looked kind of tacky and ratty. Howard said that it looked real to him because it was so cheap. He said that's how movie stuff is made.
Lorna was showing Howard the outfit including the cape, the shirt and the boots. Lorna had Dr. Evil's outfit there as well. Howard said he didn't care about it and asked the guys who wanted to try on the Superman outfit first. Gary was up for it. He said he'd never get that chance again so he was ready to go. Howard wanted to try it on as well but he knew it was going to take a while to get into it.
Howard decided to take a commercial break while he got dressed. After the short break he came back dressed in the outfit. Fred played the old Superman TV show theme song as Howard walked back to the microphone. He didn't fit in the costume very well. He was too big for the outfit. Howard wondered how a 6'4'' tall Christopher Reeve fit into that costume. Robin said that Howard looked like Super J-Lo. Howard said he had to get out of it. He let Lorna get a plug in for the company she works for. She said you can check out this auction and more at ProfilesInHistory.com.
Howard went in and changed out of the costume. Artie wanted to try it on after him. Howard told Fred to do two or three more commercials while he changed.
A couple of minutes later Howard came back. He said the costume was fun but he didn't fit into it. He was wearing boxers this morning so they were all bunched up in there when he put the tights on. He didn't want to take them off because he didn't know who had worn the costume before him.
Howard took some phone calls while Artie was trying on the outfit. One guy said that they should get this on E! tonight. Artie came out a short time later and the outfit actually fit him. He felt kind of ''Super heroish'' when he came out. Howard wondered how that could possibly be Christopher Reeve's outfit if he's 6'4'' tall. Artie liked the costume and asked if he should go down to the street and try to hail a cab.
Ralph called in and asked Howard how he couldn't tell him about this. He said it must have been quite a sight. Artie's package was showing according to Howard. He said it wasn't exactly impressive in that outfit. Ralph asked if he could come down and try it on himself. It turns out the costume was from ''Superman 4'' which was kind of a bummer to the guys. That movie sucked according to Howard.
Ralph sounded jealous and said he wanted to wear the costume. Artie said he liked the outfit but Howard told him that his ass looked really flat in it. His back hair was coming out the back of the outfit as well. Howard figures the cape was created to cover up an ugly ass. It was working for Artie. Howard goofed on Artie for a short time and let Lorna go while Artie got out of the outfit.
Howard talked about how poorly the costume fit him. He said he doesn't believe that the outfit was real because it was way too small for him. Artie said the boots were way to small for him so Christopher Reeve must have really small feet.
Sean the White Rapper called in and said that he has Howard's briefcase from ''Private Parts'' because he knew some guy that worked there. He spent a couple of minutes talking to him about that but hung up on Sean because he just didn't seem to care.
Howard had a phony ''The Onion'' story about how 58 percent of the exercise in this country is done by exercise TV show hosts. He then talked about some other real news stories. He talked about Kobe Bryant's accuser and how they're not showing her face in the news but they are saying that she has gained some weight since this whole thing started.
Howard was interrupted when KC came in dressed in the Superman outfit. It fit him perfectly and he looked like Superman. He filled out the costume like it was made for him. KC said that the outfit was tight on him though. Artie said it was the most depressing thing to see. Gary helped KC put the outfit on and it just went on just right. The boots fit like they were Cinderella's slippers. Howard told KC to go up to the roof and see he can fly. Gary was irritated by the fact that it fit KC so well. Artie said that Gary didn't even try it on so he doesn't know how humiliating it really is.
Howard said a lot of people want Stuttering John's job. People have been sending in audition tapes for the contest they have going on. He played some of the tapes for Robin. He also talked about the contest and how you can find out more information at HowardStern.com. The winner will be picked by the audience and will get a job that will last for 3 months at $25,000.
Howard played another audition tape that was just horrible. Howard wondered why they just don't hire John the Stutterer and be done with the whole thing. Artie said he'd be great answering phones. That led to Fred doing his impression of John the Stutterer for a few seconds. The next tape he had was from Cabbie. Cabbie just talked about why he thinks he should get John's job.
Howard played an entry from Richard Christy who has done some song parodies for them. Howard played a couple of his bits which included his KC gay song to the tune of Motley Crue's ''Girls, Girls, Girls'' and the Ryan Seacrest Out and In porn bit. He also did the Baba Booey song parody to the tune of ''Baker Street.'' Howard said this guy gets a shot no matter what. He said he's been thinking of getting that guy on the show for a while now.
Howard said his legs were itchy from the Superman costume. KC came in and said he smells like a French Whore after putting the costume on. He said so many people have tried it on that the smells are just really strong. Artie said that he was wearing some Gucci cologne so that might be what he's smelling.
Howard played Reverend Bob Levy's entry for this contest. Levy says that he wants to work there so he can wear Robin down. He also wants to be there to take a bullet for Howard when KC finally snaps. Levy also said he thinks he can answer phones since he's been doing that since he was 7 years old. Howard said Levy would be good for the show as well. He can write comedy stuff really well and he could easily answer phones like he said.
Howard played a couple of other clips from people who have sent in entries. Some of them are just people talking about what they want to do on the show. One guy sent in a great production piece that sounded very professional. There was one awful tape from a woman but Howard said he liked it.
Howard took a call from a guy who didn't like that Bob Levy was applying for John's job. He said all you have to do is answer calls and ask people questions. Howard said he wants someone better than that. He said this is not a contest, it's really a job interview. Howard told the caller that the guy he likes so far is this guy Richard Christy. It turned out the caller was the White Rapper who was just crying about what was going on.
Howard played another entry from a guy who basically was looking for a mercy job. He doesn't have any money and he needs a job. Then he played tape of this guy Brian who rapped his application. He had to take a break after playing a few seconds of that entry. KC came in a short time later and said that he's itchy from the Superman costume. Howard told him that there was nothing in that costume and went right to break.
Howard moved on and said Star Magazine had a great story about Kirstie Alley where they ask ''What Happened to Kirstie Alley.'' He said they have a history of her weight that they show in the article. He also brought up Star Jones and her boyfriend where she is in her bathing suit. Howard said that picture is also in Star Magazine. He saw it yesterday on the internet and now it's in Star Magazine.
Howard was looking at some other pictures in The Globe. He said they show that they try to prove that Kate Beckinsale has breast implants. There was one about a woman who claims that Mel Gibson slept with her when he was still married.
Howard read some e-mail that they've gotten lately. One guy wrote in about a sound effect they used on the radio show during the Rachel Hunter interview. On E! they changed out the sound and used a different effect. Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said they couldn't use the clip because it was from a movie.
Howard said they got a lot of positive mail about Kathy Griffin's appearance on the show yesterday. Someone also wrote in about how Wayne Brady's show cut out all of the stuff Kathy said about Ryan Seacrest and Howard. Some people did write in and complain about Kathy. Howard read some of them but the delay was hit for some reason. Howard read some mail about Ryan Seacrest and how odd it was that he wiped the sweat off a guy's head on American Idol.
Howard gave a quick mention for this web site FinderGuy.com. He said he used it to find a bag he carries around with him these days. He thinks they're not doing all that well so he figured he'd help them out and give them a plug.
Howard brought up a story about John Ashcroft who had a chartered private jet to go on a fishing trip one time. Howard said these guys are supposed to be flying commercial flights. He apparently knew that there was a threat to commercial flights so he took a private jet instead. That happened before 9/11/2001.
Someone e-mailed Howard about how the Federal Governent is blocking their employees from viewing Howard's web site. Howard said it's just a matter of time before the religious right gets control of that as well and ruins the whole thing.
Howard said he's working on a KC-Cam for the web site. He said that people could watch KC and what he does during the show. He was also thinking of having a camera on Ronnie the Limo Driver. Robin said he would be a boring subject though because he just sits out in the hallway all morning.
Howard played some audio of Tom Chiusano laughing and it was kind of disturbing to him. He goofed on that for a minute. He then played an audio clip he got of Michael Jackson composing ''Billy Jean.'' It wasn't funny but it was pretty interesting to him. Howard said he liked to hear the creative process. Artie said you forget that the guy is talented after everything that has gone on with him. Howard also had tape of Michael working with Vincent Price on the Thriller album. The audio Howard had must have been from a TV special because there was a voice over announcer. Jackson and Price read a couple of lines together in the clip Howard played.
Howard said he wishes he could read like Vincent Price reads his lines. That led to him talking about how he has a cousin who's in Blue Oyster Cult and he asked him to read something for one of their songs. Howard read it and it came off really gay. Fred was going to find the song and play it but they didn't have it around. Then they were talking about one of the Moody Blues songs where a guy talks during the song. Gary actually had the song so he brought it in for Howard. He tried to play it but he had to fast forward through the whole song to the end. They thought it was at the end of ''Knights in White Satin'' but Howard thought it was before that song.
He gave up on the whole thing when they couldn't find the section they were talking about. Gary came back in a little later and said they could pull up the song on Howard's computer. Gary tried to do it for him but it wasn't working for him. Howard told him to get out of there. The two of them started goofing on each other after that. They were calling each other names and arguing. Gary found the song so Howard started to play it even though he didn't really want to do it at this point. It was actually called ''Late Lament.'' They finally got to the part they were talking about and Howard knew it wasn't going to be worth it. The sound was too low and Howard had pop-up ads coming up on his computer. He said it was a nightmare. He took another commercial break after that.
Howard had Robin start her news after that. During the news Robin told Howard that Kathie Lee Gifford wrote her own play and was hoping to come to Broadway. Howard said he's going if she actually gets to Broadway. He then created some of the awful songs she might sing in the play.
A listener called in during the news and told Howard he works for a Clear Channel concert house and they have blocked them from visiting his web site HowardStern.com and even MarksFriggin.com! Howard couldn't seem to believe that they'd block web sites like that. The guy said that they show that there is ''Adult Content'' on Howard's site when you attempt to visit it even though there isn't any actually adult content on there. It's just got negative stories about Clear Channel linked.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard to talk to Jeff Schick about his web site because he might be able to get people in a ''back door'' to his web site. Howard ended up playing tapes from Vinnie's love tapes and goofed on him for a couple of minutes after his call.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him what's going on with his hair lately. Howard told the guy that he had some bad pictures taken of him last summer. His hair was all wrong and the clothes he wore were all wrong as well. He told him not to pay attention to any pictures from the Hamptons.
Howard started off the show saying that the director of ''Alien vs. Predator,'' Paul Anderson, is calling in. Howard said he has some questions for the guy about the movie. He also directed ''Resident Evil'' which Howard had never seen.
Howard opened the paper this morning and read that he's going to be fined again by the FCC who is selectively fining people. He said Michael Powell has something in for him. He read a news story about a Spanish morning show where they do a really dirty show but in Spanish. The government doesn't bother going after them because they're lazy. Howard complained about the FCC and how they're too busy flying around the country in First Class to bother fining Spanish morning shows. He seems to think that they're never going to fine a Hispanic show because Bush is looking for the Hispanic vote.
Howard asked for any fans who speak spanish to listen to these shows and file complaints with the FCC. He read the NY Post article about how the FCC is on his ass and how Clear Channel isn't paying their contracts with him. Now he has to take them to court over that. He believes that the contracts he has with these companies makes sure that he gets paid no matter what happens. He said he knows that Clear Channel is a bunch of snakes so they were prepared for them to screw him. He told Robin about this letter that they got from Clear Channel's lawyer and what a bunch of crap that was. He knows that he'll get something in the end but Clear Channel will hold on to that money as long as possible. Now he says he wants more money than he's owed. Gary suggested that he get legal fees from them. He will be trying to get those as well. Howard said he'll even let Clear Channel pick the judge in the case because he believes that the contract will hold up.
Gary told Howard that he got home and saw Oprah on TV. He watched the show and around 4:40 in the afternoon they were talking about oral sex. Gary said he had to turn the TV off because the kids were in the house. Gary said they were graphically describing these sex parties that teens are having these days. They're claiming that their discussions are ''educational'' while Howard's aren't. Howard wanted Gary to get a transcript of the show so they can file a complaint with the FCC. Howard has had discussions about some of the stuff Oprah talks about but he doesn't get into as much detail. There's a guy on Fox and Friends who is defending Oprah about what she says and how it's ''educational.'' Robin said there are people like that who want Howard to take the fall for this stuff for some reason. Howard believes it's because they're jealous.
Howard read the article about the new fines that are in the works for his show. They haven't said what those will be for though. He also read that Clear Channel is still saying that Howard is only suspended from their stations. He thinks they're saying that so legally another radio station can't pick up his show. He said that his contract lets him go to another station after 30 days of being suspended though so that's a bunch of crap.
Howard believes that the reason they target his show is because he is the biggest guy out there. He talked about Bubba the Love Sponge and how graphic he was on his show. He said if he had just toned down his show a little bit, no one would have even known he was around because he's nobody. Howard now knows that they have to get rid of Bush because he believes that he's dangerous to the country. He's slowly taking away rights from people in the country.
Howard has been saying since the day after the Janet Jackson thing that he will be off the air. It's heading that way and it's just a matter of time before it happens. King of all Blacks called in and said his girlfriend listens to a Spanish morning show and they say the F-word almost every morning. Howard wants him to try and get a transcript of the show so they can file a complaint against that show.
Howard believes that he is like a cockroach to the FCC at this point because they've tried to get him off the air and he's still around. He doesn't know why TV news shows like 60 Minutes and 20/20 aren't doing reports on what's going on with the government officials in this country.
Howard took a call from another guy who asked him if things are still good with him and Beth. Howard said the relationship is still exciting and things are good in the bedroom. Howard said it just feels good to be with her and he misses her while she's down in Florida working. Howard still has no plans to get married again though. He doesn't want that.
Benjy asked Howard and Robin if they died, would their girlfriend or boyfriend get a substantial amount of money. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about that with him. He turned off his microphone and showed the guys a picture from Beth's FHM photo shoot. He said it was a cool shot. He had to take a break after that.
Howard also talked about what a joke it is that Mancow is suing a guy who filed a complaint about his show that led to a fine. Howard said that guy has the right to complain to the government if he wants and Mancow is a retard trying to sue the guy. Howard said he thinks Mancow should be allowed to say what he wants on his radio show but suing someone who complained about his show is pointless. He should be suing the government instead and this is just making a joke out of the whole thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who tried to make an argument about Oprah Winfrey's show and how he should be able to get her fined for what she and her guests talk about. Howard has a lot of information on his web site, HowardStern.com, for how to file a complaint against her show even though he knows they'll never fine her. Howard talked about how Tom stopped him from playing a clip from Oprah's show. He believes that he should be allowed to play it so people can file complaints against him so they would have to fine him and Oprah. He knows that they'll never fine Oprah though.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if this was going to be the last day he talked to him. Howard told Bobo that he will be gone once the Senate passes this indecency bill and the President signs it. He told Bobo that he will know when his last day is and will let us know. Howard can't afford to stay on the air if this indecency bill passes because the fines can be against individuals. Bobo said he hopes Howard will never have to leave radio. Howard and the rest of the guys may have to sit down some day soon and talk about how they can't do the show anymore.
Howard told Bobo he doesn't want to go to satellite and start all over again. He may do that just so he doesn't have to end his broadcasting career just because the FCC tries to stop him. Bobo asked Howard for some Rain Forest Concert tickets as Howard was talking about all of that stuff. Howard gave him a pair of tickets and took some other phone calls.
A couple of people called in after that. One guy asked Howard if he ever thinks about what he could have done to stop all of this stuff from happening. Howard said he could change his show and do a different type of show but it just wouldn't be funny. That led to Howard singing his own version of ''I did it My Way.'' He went to break at the end of the song.
Howard had some e-mail to read. Someone wrote in and asked if there will be any handicapped seating at the Hard Rock Casino when Howard and the guys are out there. Howard wasn't sure about that. They ended up talking about how they don't put Benjy on stage when they do shows out there. He has to sit off in the back somewhere and he gets bummed out about that. Howard wondered why he has to be on stage. Benjy said it's all for his ego. They have too much going on up on stage to begin with and he doesn't need another person sitting up there.
Someone wrote in about Lewis Black going off on the FCC on ''The Daily Show'' the other night and it was really good. Howard said he saw tape of it and it was good. He read another e-mail about a guy who has boycotted Clear Channel and even though he's a republican, he's pissed about what's going on and he's voting against Bush in November.
An e-mailer asked Howard not to hire Cabbie to take John's job. The writer said that he's tough to take day after day. Robin reminded everyone that the audience will vote for the person who gets that job. Another person wrote in and said they think the ''Get John's Job'' contest is fixed and Rev. Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) will probably get it. Levy was on the phone so Howard put him on. He read that he was recently divorced but Bob said that he's not. Howard then explained the contest they have going on and how it's really a job interview, not a contest. Howard said he heard tape from this one guy yesterday who he really liked. The guy, Richard Christy (RichardChristy.com), has sent in tons of stuff to the show and it's good stuff. He's an electrician but he's talented. He said he likes Levy but this guy Christy is his favorite so far. He said that Christy, Levy and even Cabbie all sent in great jokes.
Levy was calling in to complain about Dave Chappelle's show because he's stealing jokes from his act and he's even stealing some of Yucko the Clown's bits for his show. Howard let Levy complain about the theft of the joke and how pissed off he is about it. He's been using this one line for years and Chappelle was at one of his shows one night so he must have stolen it. Howard told Bob they'd have him call in when Dave does the show next time.
Howard said this contest isn't fixed and if he wanted to just hire someone, he'd do that and no hold a contest. He played some more entries for the job. Joey Boots sent in a tape. There was another guy who was doing a lot of unfunny material in his tape. Chaunce Hayden also sent one in. In Chaunce's tape he had a bunch of clips of interviews he's done where he asks celebrities about what they think of Howard. Howard said that was a good tape for him.
Howard played a couple of other entries for the contest and they weren't all that great. They were just guys rambling about various things. He said this whole thing may have been a bad idea. A listener called in and asked what happens after the 3 months working there. Howard said it is kind of a trial basis for the person who wins. If they're good, they may get a longer contract. Howard said it's not exactly the best time to join the show because they could be off the air anytime. Howard told the guy that if he's got a good gig already he shouldn't take this job. It could actually end up costing the person money if the FCC finds something they did indecent once the new bill passes.
Dan the Song Parody Man (SongParodyMan.com) sent in a tape where played a bunch of his great song parodies. Howard and Artie talked about Dan and how good he is at what he does. Artie called him a ''Jack of all trades'' because he does so many things. Howard talked about how no one who works there really has any credentials. Artie has a degree from the Connecticut School of Broadcasting but that's about it. Most of the others have been interns on the show and have moved into the positions they're in now. Howard doesn't think any of them could go anywhere else and do anything though.
Tara has been with this guy since she was in high school and it's the only guy she's ever slept with. She says that he's good but the guys wonder how she knows if she's never slept with another guy. This is the type of girl that KC is looking for. Howard isn't sure that he'd want a girl like that though. He ended up talking about how a girl took his virginity and how bad he was at it. He also said that his mother says that the only guy she ever had was her father. He said he believes that but it's kind of pathetic. Howard wouldn't want to have someone who had only slept with him. He'd want her to go out and experience someone else just so she'd know how good, or bad, he really is. He said she'd always be curious if she hadn't tried it with someone else.
Howard talked about how they don't show Tara's face on Access Hollywood so he figured she dropped in so they might take notice and put her on camera. She said she's actually moving back to New Jersey and will work out of the New York office. She said she's doing really well with the show.
Tara mentioned Nancy Odell's name so Howard talked about how she backed out of doing the show after begging to get on. Her people told them that because of what's been going on with the show lately, it wouldn't be good for her image. Howard told Tara to tell her to get some balls and come in.
Tara has interviewed a bunch of celebrities so Howard asked her who treated her the worst. She said that Steven Seagal got kind of upset with her after she said something about age and asked him if he would keep doing the kind of movies he was doing. Howard and the guys goofed on that for a short time. Tara said that Donald Trump has kind of flirted with her when she's done some interviews. She said his eyes go right to her chest when she interviews him. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that and went to commercial break.
Howard had this guy Paul Anderson on the line. He directed the movie ''Alien vs. Predator.'' He said the movie comes out in August. Paul told Howard that he got the idea to do this movie after seeing ''Predator 2'' where there was an Alien skull in a trophy case. He said there were a bunch of comic books based on that story after the movie and that's where the story came from.
Howard wanted to know if there is a definite winner in this movie. He said it can't be a vague ending like ''Freddy vs Jason'' or else it will flop. Paul told Howard that he will be happy with the ending.
Howard has his theory about who should win and why. Paul told Howard about the story they have for this movie. The Predator's in the movie are much tougher than the Predators in the two movies. Paul called them the ''pussy'' Predators. He said he has a budget of less than $100 million but more than $100. He didn't want to say exactly what it was though.
Paul told howard about some of the other movies he's directed. The last one was ''Resident Evil.'' He's now marrying Milla Jovovich who starred in that movie. Howard wondered why he'd marry a chick like that because she's been married two times already. He said she's hot but she doesn't have a great history. Paul said he knows what he's doing though. She may have been there with him, that might be why he was saying that to Howard.
Howard told Paul that Milla is hot. He asked him how he fell for her and when all of that happened. Paul said that he hadn't met her before ''Resident Evil.'' Paul told Howard that he's 39 years old and has never been married before. Howard was trying to tell him not to get married. He also told him not to knock her up because she's so hot. Howard asked him ''If you had a Van Gogh, would you sit there and paint all over it?'' Howard also asked him if he's ever dated any of his other stars. He said he usually works with guys who do a lot of martial arts and stuff.
Howard told Paul he's just afraid that Milla will fall for another director or something. He then got back to the movie and took some phone calls for the guy. One caller said he thinks that Predator will win in the Alien vs. Predator thing. Paul said there will be humans in the movie as well so there will be some dialog in the movie. There were a bunch of discussions about the Aliens and how they kill people and stuff like that.
Howard told Paul to come in with Milla sometime. Paul knows that Howard isn't really interested in him, he's more interested in Milla. Howard told him that he's interested in any guy who can get a piece of ass like that. Paul tried to get back to the Alien vs. Predator discussion. Howard was arguing that Alien has to beat Predator in the movie. He didn't want to argue about that stuff though.
Howard got back to Milla again when a phone caller said he didn't care about the Alien thing. Howard asked Paul if she gets dressed really hot when they go out for the first time. Paul wasn't interested in talking about that stuff. He just kind of laughed it off. Howard asked him if it was tough to perform with a woman like that. Paul said he's very reserved about that stuff and doesn't like to talk about it.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard that you can hear Milla moaning and groaning on a Crystal Method song called ''I Know it's You.'' Paul didn't know about that. Chaunce said that she's got a 22 inch waist and a natural B-cup breast size. Howard told Paul that what would make Milla perfect is if she brought women home to him. Paul just laughed and told Howard that she's perfect already. Chaunce said that this guy is the luckiest guy in the world. Chaunce thought that she had a heavy accent but Paul said she really doesn't because she grew up in the United States.
A listener called in and argued the Alien vs. Predator thing. Howard had a bad feeling about the movie after hearing some of the stuff Paul was saying. Another caller said that people are freaking out that Paul is directing this movie because he has ruined a lot of Sci-Fi franchises. Paul said there is a lot of support out there for him as well. Robin said that ''Resident Evil'' was cool and Paul said it made a lot of money. He knows there's a lot of pressure on him to make a great movie so that's what he's going to do.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Paul about Milla. He also said he'll be talking to him in August when he sees this movie. He said that Alien better come out the winner in the battle. Paul said that there will be a war between the two species but there will be a winner in the end.
Howard asked Paul what he thought about ''The Matrix 2.'' Paul said it was not his favorite movie. He also said he liked ''Terminator 3'' but it wasn't as good as 2. Howard said that wasn't the right answer for that movie. He seemed to agree with him about The Matrix though.
Ralph called in and said that he's not looking forward to this movie because it's a ridiculous concept. He said that you have to suspend so much belief that it's not going to be worth it. He said Paul is also distracted by a hot chick so it won't be good. Artie pointed out that even Billy Joel fell off a bit when he was with a hot chick. Howard told Paul he's looking forward to this movie and he'll be in line to see it. He ended the interview a short time later.
Howard said he's got a great idea for a movie but he's afraid to say it. He told Robin that he would like to have ''Maude vs. Florida.'' He said he'd have Beatrice Arthur and the woman who played Florida battling. Artie suggested having Bernie Mac playing Florida. Someone threw in Nicole Bass' name to play Maude. Howard had to take a break right after that.
Sammy asked Howard to go easy on him this early in the morning. He played tape of Sammy saying that he would only go back if he needed money. Sammy was laughing as he heard his own comments. During that old interview Sammy said that he thought that the band really burned him.
Sammy said he was being honest back then and this reunion has nothing to do with stuff that happened in the old days. Sammy laughed as he told Howard that he's out of money. Howard played another clip where Sammy said that Eddie was drunk from the first day he met him. Sammy said that he tried to get Eddie to stop drinking but they kept bad mouthing him after they fired him. Sammy was laughing once again as he heard this old tape. Sammy was talking about how he found out he was fired in the clip.
Howard asked Sammy how he had a complete change of heart after all of that stuff was said. Sammy told Howard that he has no explanation for that stuff... it's a rock and roll band. He said he started talking to Alex (Van Halen) first and had lunch with him one day. He said it was great to see him and he always stayed friends with Mike (Anthony). That led to Eddie wanting to call Sammy and they eventually agreed to get back together. Sammy told Howard that they didn't do any apologizing to one another, they just got back together. Howard said that would be like him getting back together with his wife or something. That will never happen.
Sammy said he went and visited the guys and Eddie had some new stuff he was working on. He said the music was extremely inspiring and they started writing songs again. Howard asked him if it was uncomfortable to be in a room with guys who fired him on Fathers Day 8 years ago. Sammy said they've been playing together for about 3 months now and they've gotten over a lot of stuff. He said he was very nervous to be with them again but he loves Van Halen's music and always has.
Howard asked him if he knows that he's not Eddie's ''bro'' when he's jamming with him in the studio. Sammy said he's really not mad at Eddie at this point. He said it's far beyond that at this point. Howard wants to go back stage and see the tension in the room. Sammy said he would set him up with a room so he could hang out with them to see for himself.
Sammy said that Eddie is healthy and playing better than ever. He told Howard that the first song they're releasing is ''It's About Time'' and it's great. Howard says he thinks Sammy will have a restraining order against Eddie by the first show they do. He also wondered if this is a Clear Channel tour they're doing. Sammy said that it's a mix of a bunch of stuff. He thought that Howard would patch things up with Clear Channel if he was out of money one day. Howard said he would never do that because Clear Channel is making him go to court to get his money.
Sammy invited Howard to come to all of their shows to check them out if he wanted. Howard said he might have a lot of free time soon if the FCC has their way.
Howard took a few phone calls for Sammy and let some guys kiss his ass and bash him as well. One caller asked Sammy what his favorite Van Halen song was that he did with the band. Sammy said his favorite has to be ''Dreams.'' Howard couldn't believe what he was hearing as far as the band getting back together. He asked Sammy who Eddie is banging these days since Valerie Bertinelli is out of the picture. Sammy said Ed is banging a lot of chicks and Howard would be proud of him.
A woman called in and told Sammy he was an idiot for going back to the band after what happened. She seems to think that the band is going to crap all over him again. Sammy said he should go into hiding while all of this is going on. Howard said he sees what Sammy is doing and he's probably doing it because it's part his band too and he shouldn't have to give it up. Sammy said things feel better now than it ever did and he's beyond all of that other stuff.
Sammy told Howard he doesn't care if this thing goes for 100 more years or 15 minutes. The songs they've written in the past 3 months are great and he thinks the time is right to do this. Howard thought that they should call Eddie and fire him from the band. Sammy told Howard to call him.
Howard wanted to talk to Sammy about being abducted by Aliens when he was 19 or 20 years old. He read something that Sammy wrote about being abducted way back in 1968. He admitted that he sounded like a nut talking about aliens but he thinks that the aliens downloaded all of the information from his brain. He said they called them ''The Nine'' because they're from the ninth dimension. Sammy said he wasn't doing drugs back then either. Sammy told Howard that they downloaded his brain information and loaded it into his brain, that's why he is who he is. Sammy told Robin that he couldn't see the aliens because they were just energy. He believes that the aliens gave him information for everything he's done in his life.
Howard took a call from an Alien researcher from a group called MUFON. He wanted Sammy to do an interview with them. Sammy told the guy to just print what Howard had just gone over. He couldn't book an interview at this time. Howard thanked Sammy for picking up the phone and talking to him. He was going to let him go because he was out on the West Coast and it was only 6:15 in the morning. Sammy also apologized to the guys in the band for the conversation because Howard had just caught him.
Howard and Robin both said they're looking forward to seeing the band again. They both like the band a lot. Howard played some of the Van Halen stuff that Sammy has done in the past. He also played the clips of Sammy talking about how he wouldn't go back to the band unless he needed the money while ''Right Now'' was playing in the background. He went to break after that.
Howard gave Mike some plugs for The National Enquirer and for his radio show that airs on Howard's L.A. Station on Sundays. Mike had a few things to talk about as well. He said he never gives away stuff that's going to be in his column a week in advance but he had to do this one. He had a Jay Leno piece for Howard. Mike said that Howard has called Jay a thief and a liar and he has said that he doesn't steal anything. Now Mike said that it's official that Jay has sent Stuttering John and their head writer to do remote interviews. Howard said that Jay is just a robot and he doesn't care about that stuff. He wondered what happened to Jay. Mike told Howard that there are some people who are puzzled by John being hired for the show but there's one woman on the show who hates the Jay Leno, Kevin Eubanks banter so they may put John into that mix.
Howard had Mike move on to the game after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Another caller told Howard that he is on a Government computer and they're blocking access to Howard's web site. Howard said that it's so obvious that this all has to do with George Bush. He has nothing indecent up on his web site and no bad words but they're banning the web site. He said that his audience has been donating to John Kerry's campaign and there are a lot of Republican's who are upset about that. Howard believes that his audience can be the swing vote in the election. He went off on Bush for a few minutes after that and talked about how he has no idea what it's like for someone to give up their life for their country.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that people can get around the web site ban by going to this site World.AltaVista.com and type in HowardStern.com in the search. The site will apparently pull up his site in a window that won't allow the firewall to see where you're going or something like that. Just do a translation from Spanish to English and it will bring up Howard's site in English.
Another caller who works for JP Morgan said he has the same problem as the government employees. Howard said that there are companies out there who block tons of web sites and for some reason, Howard's is being blocked all over the place all of a sudden. Howard and Gary said that there's something funny going on and it doesn't make sense. Howard said it's all got to do with the links he has to stories about President Bush. He said the whole thing is really scary.