Howard started off the morning asking Artie if he ever hooked up with David Spade over the weekend. Artie said they played phone tag and never hooked up. Howard said the same thing happened to him and he never got to hang with the guy. He said that Spade is supposed to be on the show today though. Howard said Spade wanted to hook up with him on Saturday night around 11 but Howard had plans before that and wasn't able to meet him that late. Then Sunday he had his kids so he couldn't hang out with him then either. Artie said he was invited to do dinner last night but he said he couldn't do it because it would have been too late for him.
Howard read an article by Richard Johnson over the weekend about how Jim Carrey blamed Howard for the ''drug overdose'' death of Sam Kinison. Howard said that first of all, Sam didn't die of a drug overdose. He died in a car accident. Howard said that Jim apparently thinks that telling Sam that he was funnier when he was high kind of made him keep doing them. Howard said that he tried to intervene and help Sam stop drinking. Howard thought it was kind of interesting that Jim thinks that way about him. He said he's got to have something wrong with him. Howard also said that Richard Johnson owes him an apology because he should have known that Sam didn't die of a drug overdose.
Howard said that Jim didn't actually say that it was a drug overdose, he was just talking about how Howard used to tell Sam that he was funny when he was high and that would make him keep doing drugs and drink. Robin said that she didn't know that Jim had all of those thoughts about Howard. Howard said he didn't know Jim was such a two faced guy. He talked about how he was living in his apartment building for a while and he his womanizing was ridiculous. Howard started to go off on Jim and said that the reason Jim's daughter is fat is because of him. He said if Jim wants to go there with him, he'll go there. Robin told Howard that Jim's daughter has nothing to do with that stuff so he should leave her out of it. Howard said that Jim is such a douche anyway.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and brought up a couple of things about the article. She said that there was something about him giving up smoking and how it was a ''sacrifice'' for him. Mariann said that Jim has always seemed so sincere when he's been on the show. Howard said he has been sincere before. Howard had to bail out on Mariann's call because of her voice being so annoying.
Howard said that fans of the show are telling him to intervene in Artie's life as well because he's such a mess. Howard said he got a lot of mail about Artie's trip to Vegas over Super Bowl weekend. Howard read some e-mail he got and people were complaining about Artie's stink and how bad he looked out there. One writer told Howard that he could be the one friend that helps Artie get away from his addiction. Howard said he's spoken to Artie about drinking and no one can stop him from doing what he does. Howard said he doesn't want Artie to die but he can't stop him from drinking.
Howard said that Artie only drinks on the weekend and doesn't drink during the week. It doesn't affect his performance on the show and he's never been late to the show the whole time he's been on. Howard talked about how bad a husband Jim was when he walked out on his wife after she asked him to take out the garbage one time. He goofed on him about that. Howard said he will run Jim down somewhere and give him a piece of his mind. Howard said that really hurt when he read it. He said he and Sam had some private conversations and he pleaded with Sam to stop with that stuff. He said that he wasn't going to pat himself on the back over that stuff though. Howard said that he wasn't able to sit through Jim's movie ''The Majestic'' and he's glad that no one fell for that serious actor stuff with Jim.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that you really help a drug addict. Howard said he did try to help him and his agent thanked him for that because he was the only one Sam would listen to. Chaunce also said something about Quentin Tarantino and Uma Thurman that Howard had to defend. He said that Quentin came out and said that he and Uma had sex during the shooting of the movie ''Kill Bill'' but Howard told him he never said that. He read the article and Quentin never said he had sex with her. He said that they had a relationship like a married couple. Howard said that a married couple doesn't have sex. Howard ended up yelling at Chaunce for saying something like that if Quentin didn't actually say something like that. Chaunce seemed to think that Howard was being too sensitive about that stuff because of the Richard Johnson article. Howard had to hang up on him after that.
Howard said that Sam used to come in and try to do coke at the station but he'd have to try and tell him not to do that stuff there. Robin said that she never did drugs with Sam and wondered if Jim could say the same thing. Howard didn't do anything with Sam either. Artie said that he heard Sam on the show and never had any thoughts that Howard was the reason Sam was doing drugs. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard warned people to avoid the movie ''Underworld'' because it was just bad. He said the movie looked really cool but there was no story and there was nothing to love in the movie. Robin said she tried to warn him about it but he didn't listen to her. Howard spent a short time goofing on the movie before getting back to the Grammys.
Howard said that Christina Aguilera didn't look that good with the odd haircut she had. He mentioned how she did half of her song on her knees. He said that he thought she didn't get on her knees until after the show. The guys talked about how Christina doesn't even write her own songs, Linda Perry does.
Howard said that Andre 3000 from Outkast won a Grammy and he only said a simple ''Thank you'' when he got up on stage. Howard wondered what's up with his name ''Andre 3000.'' Howard said that Quentin Tarantino was trying to sound black when he was on stage. Howard and the guys said that it didn't work for him. Artie said he had to turn away when he saw that. Artie said he doesn't get Ellen Degeneres either. Howard said she's just not funny and wondered on what planet people would laugh at her. He and the guys continued to talk about some of the other stuff that went on like Justin Timberlake apologizing for what he did at the Super Bowl. Howard wondered why he was allowed on the show and Janet Jackson wasn't.
Howard said that Sting was wearing a dress last night and it was just ''vile'' to see a dude wearing a dress. He said he was wearing bobby socks but Fred said it was boots. He said it was really weird. Howard said even his name, Sting, is weird and he'd refuse to call him that if he was hanging out with him. He said he'd have to call him Gordon since that's his real name. Artie also brought up Sting's daughter who was there at the Grammy Awards. The guys said she was pretty hot but Howard said that she seemed kind of stuck up when Joan Rivers was interviewing her.
Howard thought the Beatles tribute was kind of insulting. He had some clips from the show to play. He played Prince and Beyonce's opening performance first. Robin said she was trying to see what Prince looked like when they were on stage and she's thinking that he's starting to age a bit. Howard said that the guy is really talented though. He said he can really sing and can also dance and play guitar at the same time. Howard said that bringing Beyonce out ruined the whole thing. Robin said she was only good when she was dancing around Prince. Howard said she has a great voice but shouldn't have been singing Prince's songs.
Howard played the Beatles tribute with Sting, Dave Matthews, Vince Gill and Farrell. Howard and Robin didn't like it. Howard said they were having a good time but he wasn't. Howard said that Sting didn't even try when he was singing. Howard said the song must be even harder to do than he thought.
Howard played Christina Aguilera's performance of ''Beautiful'' and talked about how odd it was the way she was tapping the microphone with her hand. He said when she was doing it she looked like she was playing the skin flute. Howard goofed on that a little bit but did say that it's a good song. He cut it off pretty quick though.
Howard had Sting and Shaun Paul doing a version of ''Roxanne'' that he liked. Howard said that the worst part was the dress that Sting was wearing. He said it was really disturbing. Howard also played a little bit of Andre 3000 performing ''Hey Ya.'' Howard didn't see the guy so he was wondering what he was wearing. Howard had to take another break shortly after playing those clips.
Howard goofed on Queen Latifa and how fat she looked on the show. He said that Matthew Perry looked like he had new hair plugs. He talked about how smart the Black Eyed Peas were to have the hot white chick on stage with them. Howard said the best performance was The White Stripes. He said he didn't know that it was just two people in the band. Fred said that might have been one of the best performances ever.
Howard mentioned Marg Helgenberger and how hot she was. Howard said that he has to turn the TV off when Alicia Keys comes on TV. He said he can't sit and watch someone perform while sitting at a piano like that. Howard and the guys talked about Celine Dion's performance and how she must have been pissed after the technical problems she experienced. Howard said that Christina Aguilera looked like she was breaking in some new breast implants.
Howard got hold of the White Stripes performance so he played some of that. Howard said that it's pretty good for just a guitar player and a drummer. Howard said the song sounded better on TV than it did on the CD he had. Howard only played a few seconds of that and then played some of the Foo Fighter's performance. It was only about 15 seconds of the song though.
Howard played some of the Black Eyed Peas performance and said they were pretty good. He said the hot chick that was singing with them made it worth watching. He noticed that she was singing along to her own track though so she may not have been able to sing all that well.
Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne were there and made a speech. Howard played that and said that Sharon seems to be getting a little affected. He played a few more clips of some of the acceptance speeches that went on during the show. Evanescence won Best New Artist but Howard pointed out that the Starland Vocal Band also won that years ago. Howard played a clip of Justin Timberlake apologizing for what he did at the Super Bowl half time show. Howard ended up goofing on him since he was talking about what a rough time he was having all week since the Super Bowl. Howard said he didn't have a rough time, the 11 year old girl who was killed this week had a rough time. Howard and Artie goofed on him for a short time.
Howard played some of Ellen Degeneres telling her lame jokes during the show. She just rambles on and on. Howard wondered what's going on there and who finds that stuff funny. Howard moved on to Luther Vandross who suffered a stroke but sang a little bit.
David said that when they get there, there's no one in the lobby area so they have to ring buzzers and make phone calls to get someone out there. That seemed to piss Howard off even more. He wondered why they don't have anyone out there. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and told Howard how he does things when he sees a guest come in. They have to get the E! camera crew to go out to get the guests coming in. David said that it wasn't that long that he had to wait out there in the lobby.
KC came in and said that they had a problem with the computer and that's why they couldn't put up a note. Gary told Howard that David was in the bathroom for a couple of minutes as well so that's what the delay was. Gary told Howard what he spoke to David about so Howard wondered why he was wasting his time talking to guests about stuff like that. Gary said he does some small talk and finds out some info once in a while. Today he came up empty after talking to Spade. Gary tried to apologize again but Howard wouldn't let it go. He continued to complain about Gary's procedures for a short time before telling him to leave. He said that he was making him sick so he booted him out of the studio. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Howard and David spent a couple more minutes talking before the break. Howard wanted to talk to David about his new girlfriend Sara Foster. Howard said he now knows why he was blowing off Julie Bowen now. Howard told David that he really knows how to hang out with hot chicks and wondered how he met her. He didn't seem like he was into talking about her though so he changed subjects.
David told Howard about how he got a dog that ended up destroying his house. He said that he came home one day and it had crapped on his pillow. He joked that he just took the doody and rubbed it on his face telling the dog that it didn't bother him. He said he wanted to take the dog and just let it loose on Sunset Blvd. He said he ended up sending it off to Vermont where these people were willing to take it in. He said it was hi assistant Skippy's idea to send it out there. He said he'd tried to send the dog to a training class for a couple of weeks but even that didn't work. He said they had the dog on prozac and that was a waste of time. He said he spent a lot of money on that dog.
Spade said the dog ran out into the street at one point and got hit by a car. He said she went flying about 30 feet, got up and walked back over to him. The dog was fine except for a cracked hip.
Howard and David talked about the time they tried to get Julie Bowen back with David. Howard tried to hook them back up but it just wasn't happening. Howard said that Julie told him that David is a guy who can't commit. David said that they were in different cities and that's why things couldn't work out. Howard said that they tried to get them back together at dinner one night when they all went out. They were toasting David and Julie but she ended up running away from the table.
Howard kept trying to get a story about how David picked up this Sara Foster. Spade still didn't want to talk about that stuff. He said that he and Julie Bowen don't have much of a friendship anymore and he won't be going to her wedding. Howard got back to Sara again and tried to get some info out of him. David said that they're friends, that was about it. He kept changing subjects whenever it came up.
Spade told Howard that he went to Shun Li the other night and the manager came over to the table to give him some celebrity head's ups. He pointed out that Woody Allen was there behind him as well as a couple of other celebs. Howard said he's had the same thing happen to him there at the restaurant. He finally went to break shortly after telling that story.
Howard moved on to ask David about being on ''8 Simple Rules.'' He said it must have been an interesting choice to make since John Ritter died. Robin wondered if David called them or if they called him. David said that some of the cast was wondering the same thing. David said that it was a while after Ritter died when they contacted his agent to do the show. David said he turned it down at first and then thought better of it because nothing was falling into place after ''Just Shoot Me'' was done. He said that he figured the show was already on the air so he might as well go in and do it. He mentioned James Garner's name so Howard said that he sucks. David didn't respond to that right away. He eventually said that Garner told him that Howard hates him. Howard said that Garner is the one that hates him and bad mouths him on the Tonight Show.
Spade said that he got to meet the cast of the show and the 18 year old who plays the daughter is very nice. Howard wondered if she'd be turned off to a 50 year old. David said he asks her that every day. David told Howard that he had dinner with the cast and they asked him if he wanted to do the show. He said everyone was cool about it and wanted him to come on. He said he plays a family member who lives in a van out in the driveway.
Howard said Spade is being really weird about this new girlfriend of his. David kept changing subjects and was kind of blowing Howard off. He said there's really no story there. He said they're buddies and he's known her for a long time. Howard wondered if she told him not to discuss her or something. He told him he has to stop listening to chicks like that.
Spade changed the subject and asked Howard when he's going to talk about Artie's drinking. They ended up talking about that for a little bit and then talked about the Jim Carrey stuff Howard talked about earlier in the show. Howard said that Jim is no longer welcome there and he's going to be looking into his life a lot more now.
David said he called Artie to talk to him about going out this weekend and he was busy guest bartending at a bar in Jersey. David said that there's no place he could drink more than behind a bar. Robin also told him about Artie going to Las Vegas and how he screwed up a big audition that he had the week after the Super Bowl. She told David about how he stayed up all night after the Super Bowl and flew in late to do the audition without being prepared.
Howard gave David some more plugs for the ''8 Simple Rules'' thing and talked to him about that. David asked Howard if his kids ever watch the show. Howard said that he doesn't know anyone who watches the show. Howard said he watched the final 3 episodes and that was about it. He said he also watched the first episode after he died and how ''painfully bad'' those were. Howard said he heard from Beth's mother that David is good on the show. It airs Tuesday nights on ABC.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One caller asked David what it was like to be in the Rice Krispies box with Snap and Crackle. Howard mumbled ''I'm sorry'' to David for taking that call. The two of them spent a few more minutes talking about the ''8 Simple Rules'' show and if Spade is getting paid like he used to. He said the money is comparable to what he was getting on ''Just Shoot Me.''
Howard took a couple more calls and one guy suggested that Jim Carrey may have given Chris Farley his final dose of heroin. Howard played with that joke for a few seconds. David didn't want to take any more calls and was ready to wrap up the interview after that. Howard said that maybe next time David will open up about this new girlfriend of his. He went to break right after that.
Corina was in to promote the web site CanYouBeAPornStar.com and to help out with a new contest on Howard's show. Howard talked to her about how she got into porn. She said that she was actually in the Hustler Magazine Beaver Hunt and her mother was the one who took the picture of her. Howard wondered if that's why it's so easy for her to get into it. Corina said that her male friends always had porn around and she thought about being able to do that one day.
Howard wondered what kind of pose she did for the beaver hunt thing. She explained it to Howard and said that her mother took the polaroid pictures of her. Howard asked her if there was a playoff or something for the Beaver Hunt thing. She said that she got the call that she was being flown out to Los Angeles to have her photos taken. She said that they shot her for Barely Legal and Hot Showers. As they were talking about that Artie started to do his Larry Flynt impression a little bit.
Corina said that she grew up loving Jenna (Jameson) and wanted to be like her. Howard asked her how she got into the porn movie thing though. She said she hooked up with an agent out there and got into the movies. She said that she does have some class though and won't do everything. Howard asked her if she does anal. She said she doesn't do that but has had sex with both guys and girls. She said the first movie she did was with both a woman and a man.
Howard said that Corina has agreed to ''date'' one of their fans. They have two really fat guys and whoever loses the most weight working out at Bally Total Fitness, will get the ''date'' with her. Corina said that her episode of Can You Be a Porn Star is airing on March 18th.
Corina said she had an experience on the set of a movie that wasn't supposed to happen. She said that she didn't want to talk about it but Howard found out that someone did something to her that she didn't want to do and there were people egging him on. Gary came in and told another story but the delay was hit a couple of times so we didn't hear what was going on during that discussion.
Howard said that Corina doesn't have big implants and he thinks he likes that. She said that natural look is in again but she's thinking that she might get implants some day.
Howard brought in the first contestant for the big contest. The guy, Tomas, said that he's over 350 pounds. When he got on the studio scale, he weighed in at 423 pounds! Tomas said that he didn't know he was that big. He said he thought he was actually about 385 pounds or so. He told Howard he hasn't gotten laid in quite a while. Howard said his face wasn't that bad, he was just a big boy. Howard figures if he wins he'll be done in just a few seconds since he hasn't had sex in such a long time. Tomas also mentioned that the contest has a $10,000 grand prize. The contest is going to last for 8 weeks.
Next up was Rob who said he figured he was about 320 pounds. He weighed in at 338 or so. Rob said he's 23 and has never gotten laid. He said he's made out with chicks but that's about it. Corina said that she's only 5'6'' tall and weighs just 105 pounds or so. Robin said that this guy has a real incentive to lose weight. If he wins he gets to have a ''date'' with Corina. Corina said that if he went to the state of Arkansas, he could probably get laid pretty easy. She said there are a lot of chicks there that would bang him.
Howard said that both of the guys were pretty good looking guys, they just need to lose about 100 pounds. Corina said that she doesn't mind banging either of them as long as she's on top. Howard told the guys that they have to listen to their trainers to lose the weight. Artie was laughing as he thought about these two guys trying to work out at Ballys. Howard said they had the incentive of $10,000 and then getting Corina. Artie said that they also have the incentive to live to the age of 30.
Howard asked the guys what they do for a living. Rob works as a title surveyor and Tomas is a Project Manager for a French Bank. Howard wasn't sure what that meant and neither did Tomas. Artie asked them if they have any problems wiping because when he was fat, he had some problems. Artie also asked one of the guys if he ever accidentally wiped with the giant Mets shirt he was wearing.
Howard told Gary to bring in the Bally Total Fitness people. They had two trainers in who said they'll be working with the guys to lose as much as they can. Howard wished the guys luck and wished Corina luck as well. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who mentioned the death of Adam Sandler's dog Meatball. Howard already talked about that but he let the woman spend a minute on that. She thought that Sandler had been on the show a couple of times but Howard told her that it was a comedian (Craig Gass) who does an impression of him. The real Adam Sandler hasn't appeared on the show at all.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Bull Dogs and how they really don't live all that long. He and Robin talked about that for a little while. Artie said that the dog was featured in ''Little Nicky'' and Howard mentioned that there was some footage of the dog in another one of Sandler's movies.
Howard said he had a bunch of stuff he wanted to get to but couldn't because of everything else that was going on. He mentioned the Junk to a Hunk contest. Artie said that he and Benjy don't feel so bad when they see how big those other guys were. Howard had Robin start her news shortly after that.
Howard said he was listening to Captain Janks' latest prank call before the show started. He said that Janks called a guy on C-Span and mentioned ''ABC, Howard Stern show'' and one guy just ignored him and moved on. Then Janks calls another show and does the same thing. The guy takes another phone call and then starts to lecture the audience later in the show. The guy then talks about why they're not going to take phone calls anymore. The guy compares what Janks does to what Janet Jackson did at the Super Bowl. Howard said it must cut out a major hunk of the show if they don't take phone calls anymore. Robin said that probably means nothing happens during that show.
Howard said that Willa Ford is coming in later in the morning. He and Robin tried to figure out who she was and why they knew her name. Howard said he looked for pictures of her on the web but he couldn't tell if she's good looking or not. He wanted to know if she was hot before she came in. Artie said that the only time he uses his computer is to look up hot chicks. He said it's usually disappointing. Howard said that she has big boobs though.
Howard and Robin talked about The Black Eyed Peas performance on the Grammy's the other night. Howard said the chick was hot who was singing with them but he doesn't think she can sing. Howard went on to talk about his friend Esthero and how she sang with the Black Eyed Peas one time. He said that hot chick was standing around with them back then but wasn't singing. He didn't see any evidence that she could sing.
Howard and Robin talked about some of the other Grammy performances from the other night. Robin mentioned Andre 3000's performance of ''Hey Ya'' and a couple of other things.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had a theory about why the Muslim's hate the U.S. The guy thought it had something to do with the Super Bowl because it's a day of gambling, drinking and stuff like that. Howard told him that's not why they hate us, they hate us because of the 2 point conversion we use... He then got serious and told the guy that they hate us because of envy and jealousy. He said they have tons of money over in the Arab nations but we have more freedoms and stuff like that over here. Howard said they have horrible lives over there. Howard said if you brought any of those terrorists over here and let them enjoy some freedoms they'd stop being so hateful all the time. That is if they weren't so brainwashed all their lives. The caller said he would ponder Howard's thoughts on that stuff but Howard said he thinks he just wasted his time talking to that guy.
Howard moved on and said that President Bush is being accused by John Kerry of using the National Guard as a way of getting out of going to Vietnam. Howard went on to say that Bush needs to sit down and just admit that he avoided the draft or it's going to drag him down. Howard said that the guy keeps denying that he did that, he's going to keep getting hammered. Howard and Robin discussed that for a little while and talked about how Bush's approval rating is going down now because of this stuff. Howard said he just has to admit that he ran away from the war by joining the National Guard and he'll be fine. Howard said that Bush seems to want to think of himself as a war hero and he's not.
Howard said he would have run up to Canada to avoid the draft if he had to. He said there's no way he'd have fought in that war and he's willing to admit it. Howard said the National Guard is where rich people put their kids to get them out of the Vietnam war. Howard said that John Kerry has him on that and he just has to admit it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was in the National Guard back then but he wasn't a rich kid. He said he got lucky and got in. Howard said a lot of kids didn't get in. The caller said it was actually kind of fun hanging out with the guys in the National Guard. The caller also asked Howard about how much money the newspapers are reporting he makes. Howard told the guy he doesn't make anywhere near what they claim. The guy also said that Letterman is making like $33 million a year. Howard said that's true though and Letterman does make that much. He said it's the best job in show business. He went to commercial a short time after that.
Bobo asked Howard how is therapy is going these days. Howard said he's still going four days a week. Bobo told him that he's got the life and wondered what's up with that. Howard told him that you can't always tell what's going on inside of people just by looking at them. Howard said that therapy has been good for him though. Robin asked him if he's gotten addicted to it. Howard said he's just gotten to the point where he likes it after 4 years. Robin wondered if he thinks he can live without the therapy. He said he hasn't thought that far ahead. He said he'll keep doing it until he doesn't feel like doing it anymore.
Bobo asked Howard if he has set up a date for his colonoscopy yet. Howard said he has set that up and talked about how he has to drink this crap to clear out his system. He explained what he has to do the day before. Bobo was mumbling something under Howard so he hung up on him and got back to the story. Howard said he knows he doesn't have any colon cancer so he probably doesn't need this done. He said he's a runner and he doesn't eat any red meat so he should be fine.
Howard said that he can only have clear liquids the day before the procedure. He hates that he can't eat. Then he has to take this stuff that clears out your system and it makes you doot like every 3 seconds. He thinks that he's going to be crapping things that he's never crapped before. Richie from E! came in and said that he took that stuff not too long ago and it was the worst. He said he can still taste the stuff a month later. He also told Howard that he will be sitting by the toilet for about 12 hours straight.
Howard said he has to take more of this Phospho Soda stuff the same morning of the procedure so he's wondering how he's going to get to the Doctor's office. He said he might have to get a bed pan or portable toilet so he can keep going. Howard said the procedure isn't the hard part, it's the preparation for it that's tough. Richie told him that he'll be knocked out for the procedure so he won't even feel it.
Robin said that her mother had colon cancer so she's got a history of it in her family. She said she wouldn't do the full procedure, she'd get the virtual procedure. Howard said he'd like to do that but his doctor wants him to just get the full procedure done.
Ken also said that Britney hasn't had sex lately and has recently found God again. Ken said that she went to church on Sunday in South Central and it was her first time there. He said that it may have been one of her bodyguards church so he may have been the one who brought her there. Howard wondered what kind of bodyguard would bring Britney somewhere like that. Ken told Howard that Britney was trying to hide herself by wearing a big hat and sunglasses.
Ken said that Britney has been trying to get ready for an upcoming tour and she's trying to quit smoking. He told Howard that he knows what happens when you quit smoking... Howard said you ''pork up'' when you quit smoking. Ken said that she's going to admit to the therapy thing in an issue of Seventeen magazine soon.
Ken told them about how Britney was going to do a bit with actor Jason Alexander on the Grammy's but she backed out of it at the last minute. He said that her people said that there were scheduling conflicts that didn't allow her to be there even though she was at church in L.A. earlier that day.
Howard said that he saw pictures of Britney's mother and she has huge breasts. He said she has to have at least double D cups. Ken wasn't sure if they're implants or not. Howard thanked him for the call a short time after that. He took another break after that as well.
Howard brought up Willa Ford again and said that Kelly Osbourne bad mouthed her on the show one time. He played tape of that segment where Kelly went off on her. He also played a little bit of one of her songs. She sounds similar to Britney Spears.
Howard said that on Saturday he was reading the NY Post and saw Richard Johnson's column where he said something about Jim Carrey blaming him for Sam Kinison's ''drug related death.'' Howard said that Jim had done an interview with Playboy and apparently blamed him for Sam Kinison continuing to use drugs. Johnson put the spin on it that it was the ''drug overdose death'' of Sam Kinison. Kinison didn't die of a drug overdose. Howard thought about how he tried to help Sam by telling him to get off of drugs. The whole story was bizarre to him and it upset him. He said that it upset him because he didn't know why Jim Carrey was bringing up his name in such a negative way. He also didn't get why Richard Johnson was twisting Jim's words around. Howard said he was really pissed yesterday and went off on him during the show. He said he got a little rough but Howard said he gets crazy from that stuff.
Howard said his reaction was way over the top over that stuff so he thought about it a little bit. He said that maybe Jim was angry at him for some reason but he couldn't figure it out. He said it felt like a huge attack on his person. He was having a hard time with it and then he got a couple of phone calls from someone who works at his production company. He said that Gary called him as well and told him that Jim was trying to get a hold of him. He asked him how he could make it happen. Howard told him to get Jim's number and he called him.
Howard said he called Jim and Jim had a light tone to his voice as usual. He told Jim that he was really upset with him and he didn't think that it was funny. He said that Jim told him that he loves him and loves the show. Jim said his people called Page Six and they apparently told them that they like to pit celebrities against each other.
Howard said that Jim told him he didn't mean anything like what it came out like in the article he was interviewed for. Howard said he told Jim that he really hurt his feelings bringing his name into those thoughts. He said that Jim was apologizing to him on the phone but that wasn't good enough. Howard wanted him to call in with Richard Johnson and explain what happened but he didn't bite on that. Howard said that Jim knows how ridiculous the whole thing is and he's going to do everything he can to fix that.
Howard said that no one knew his relationship with Sam. He said that he welcomed Sam into his home a couple of times and tried to help him out and get him to calm down with the drug use and drinking. He said that maybe he could have a calmer life or something. Howard said he felt funny having to explain himself to Jim.
Howard said they put a retraction in the NY Post about their mistake about Sam dying of a drug overdose and about what Howard was saying about Jim during the show yesterday. He said the whole thing is really bizarre and he really doesn't care... but really does care. He continued to go off on that for a minute and then took some phone calls.
Howard said that he loves how you can't tell fat people that they're fat. He also pointed out that Anna doesn't make any mention of the fact that Crazy Cabbie is the one who told her about Trim Spa when she was on the show the last time. She said that she just found it herself and picked it herself. Cabbie was the one who gave her the stuff when she was on. She didn't make any mention of that at all. Howard had to take another break before getting to Willa Ford.
Willa said that she was recording demos and stuff with her own money and some people heard her and liked what they heard. She said there was a group of ''ethnic'' people who heard her singing and liked it. They had a management company, Magic Johnson's company, and they hooked her up with him. She said Magic hooked her up with someone at MCA records because his label wasn't big enough for her. She said that she sang for them and they liked it. She said she sang a Whitney Houston song for them and it wasn't the best choice but it worked out. Howard had her sing a little for him to demonstrate.
Howard asked her about her huge breasts and when she got them. She said she was kind of bored and that's why she got them. She said she didn't do them as a sexual thing. She told them that she didn't like trying to build up her small breasts at photo shoots and stuff. Now she doesn't have to do that and likes to show off her breasts.
Howard asked Willa if she thinks Britney's are real. She said she didn't want to comment on them but basically said that people aren't dumb and know that they're not real. Howard also asked her about why Kelly Osbourne hates her so much. She said that she used to like Kelly and she was really nice to her at the time they hung out. After hanging out for a night she felt that they were really great kids. Then she heard that they were bad mouthing her and didn't understand that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that this girl is really hot. Another caller asked her if she'll ever appear in Playboy. She said that FHM is as far as she'll go. She won't pose nude. She also told Howard about her family and how her father is a farmer. She said that he gets up at 5am and gets in after dark. She also claims that her family doesn't want anything from her.
Howard said that Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys was the first guy who banged her. She said that she lost her virginity to him at the age of 16. Howard wondered how he was in bed. She said it was fine but she didn't have anything to compare it to. She said it was alright with her. She also said that he was able to give her an orgasm and he'd be happy that she was saying that.
Willa told a story about meeting Paris Hilton and how mean she was to her when they met. She said that she later met Nikki Hilton and she was really nice to her.
A phone caller asked Willa ''How much for oral?'' and if she does anal. She said she doesn't do stuff like that and she hasn't had sex with chicks. Howard asked her if she's a religious chick or something. She said that she is religious but doesn't go to church every week or anything like that. She told Howard that her prayers seem to have been answered. Not all of them but she thinks that a few of them have been answered.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that he thought that there was a history between Willa and Carson Daly. She said that he said hello to her one time but that was it. They were never a couple. She talked about a hockey star she dated. She said she never really went out with that many famous people though.
Chaunce was saying that Kelly Osbourne doesn't like her because she claims to have made it even though she really hasn't. Willa said that she feels like she has made it. She got out of the farm thing and didn't need her father to make her famous.
A woman called in and said she would love to meet Willa. She said that she has a great voice and she'd love to get a glance of her. She said she'd do anything she wants. She was only 4 blocks away so Howard invited her to come down. He said he was going to keep Willa around during the break and if this chick makes it there in time, she'll let her come in. The woman on the phone said that she will take her top off for Willa and see what she thinks.
Howard told Willa she's not allowed to talk to her publicist during the break because she'd talk her out of all of this stuff. Willa said they know her and that's she's up for just about anything.
Howard asked Willa about all of the guys she's been with. She said that she can count the number of guys she's been with on one hand. It hasn't been that many people.
Howard gave Will a plug for her new single ''A Toast to Men (F**k the Men)'' and said the new album ''Sexy Sex Obsessive'' is coming out soon. She's also appearing in the March issue of FHM magazine (FHMUS.com). He went on to ask her about pleasuring herself. She said that she's never really done it before. She said that she doesn't feel like it's right when she has touched herself. Howard offered to vibrate her but she wasn't interested. Howard said she sounds really innocent after hearing that. She said she's never thought about going at it herself before. She has to have a guy she finds very attractive to get her off.
Howard went to break and kept Willa around even after the delay was hit for about the fourth time during the interview. Howard told her that people weren't hearing what she was saying because of that. He went to break so they could give that lesbian chick some time to show up.
Howard read that Bob Saget hit on Willa at one point. She said that he was following her around and it was really strange. She said she grew up watching ''Full House'' and it was just a year and a half ago that he did that. She said he was a nice guy and all but she didn't think he was going to be interested in that way.
A listener called in and asked Willa what's going on down below. She said that she's completely bald. She said she didn't like being bald down there at first but then realized that there are some perks and it looks better without hair. She said she'd like guys to return the favor. Howard said that he has been trimming himself down there but he leaves the top part ''wild'' while he trims down below. Willa said that the hair just gets in the way so there's no reason for it. Artie said he keeps a huge bush down there.
Howard said that he tries to take out the anal hairs as well. He has an electric trimmer that he uses for that. He said that those hairs are some stinky hairs and have seen some nasty action down there.
Howard gave up on the lesbian girl who was supposed to show up. They gave her 20 minutes to show up and it didn't happen. He said goodbye to Willa and let her go. Howard told her to wear a mini-skirt next time she comes in. He said she was wearing a big coat that covered her up this time.
Howard said he'd love to foul Willa if he had the chance. He went on to say that when Beth told her mother who she was dating, her mother hung up on her. Howard thought that was pretty funny. He said no one raises their daughter to date Howard Stern. He said her father didn't talk to her for like 8 months because of that. He said he told her that she has to tell them that she's dating Osama bin Laden and then say ''Just kidding, it's Howard Stern.''
A listener called in and said that he was listening to this on WYSP in Philadelphia and they were cutting out all of the tapes. Dead Air Dave came in and said that he wasn't hitting the button, it may have been the people at WYSP. Howard said that he didn't know that there were other censors in every market. Howard flipped out and said that he wants to talk to the guy at WYSP about it because this tape he was playing was something that airs on public TV for kids. He said he hates how people are freaking out about censoring lately.
Howard said that it's ridiculous because people like Bubba the Love Sponge and Don and Mike have been getting in trouble lately. He said he doesn't know who's making these decisions to censor his show these days. He said it's out of control. Howard said that none of these guys know what they're doing. He said that they're not qualified to be hitting the button on the show like that.
Howard played an Onion Radio News phony news bit about a kid who is showing signs of becoming ugly, just like his parents. Howard said you actually do get to see that kind of stuff in kids when they grow up. Howard talked about himself and how ugly he got once he hit puberty. He said he had nice hair and skin but that was about it.
Howard said he got tape of Diane Keaton and discovered that she's really nutty. He said she was questioned by someone during an interview and she broke down for some reason. Then Jack Nicholson had to come in and help her out. Howard played tape of a French reporter asking a question about shooting a movie and Keaton starts to ramble about a bunch of nonsense. She then starts to break down and says she's so tired and wants to leave. Nicholson asks her if she wants to go home at that point. Robin said that she saw her interviewed on the red carpet at a movie premiere and she was really crazy. Howard said she really is crazy and people thought she was putting them on.
Gary came in and said that the guy in Philly won't come on the air with them. He said that the guy has been hitting the button for 9 years. Gary said the guy claims he's under a lot of pressure and he only hit the button on two things that Artie said. Howard said that these people are ruining his show. He said that the company doesn't seem to care and all they want is the money machine that is his show. Howard said that as long as that guy is there, he's not going to do his show. He said that one censor for his show is enough. He has Dead Air Dave hitting the delay on the show at his station and that's all he'll tolerate under protest. He doesn't want another one somewhere else.
Howard said he wants out (of radio) already. He doesn't know how to get this to stop. They have a censor in the Washington DC area and he knew about that. He didn't know they had a guy in Philly doing the same thing. Howard said the only thing his company will understand is if he walks out. He said if he had any integrity he'd actually walk out and not look at that paycheck. Robin said that he'll be back tomorrow because of that.
Fred played a couple of tapes of Orson Wells freaking out during a recording session. He also played tape of Howard freaking out not too long ago while he was reading some live commercials. There was also tape of Howard talking about the heat in the studio and how they can't fix it even though they're making billions of dollars off of his show. That was a new one that Robin hadn't heard yet.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about the censorship in this country and how ridiculous it is. That also led to Howard and the caller talking about George Bush being in the National Guard and how he was AWOL from the Guard for like 8 months. They spent a short time on that stuff and some other censorship stuff.
A listener called in about last night's E! show last night featuring Nikki Ziering. The guy said he must have pleasured himself like 5 times during that show. He said she was really hot. He also thought that she was totally into Howard and he could have gotten her. He was also talking about how she was into Stuttering John. Howard said that ruined it all though. He had to take a commercial break shortly after that.
Howard asked who the program director was at WYSP. Gary told him it was Tim Sabian but Howard thought he was one of the guy's who has stabbed him in the back before. Gary told him that's a different guy so Howard calmed down a little bit. Howard said he yelled at Tim because he knows he probably did something that he needed to yell at him about. He suggested that they load up the delay at 3am instead of 6 at the start of his show.
Howard played more tape of Larry King talking to Anna Nicole Smith. He has her show off her new body. They goofed on that for a few seconds and then Robin started her news.
Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) called in and busted Howard's balls about the censoring of his show. He compared Howard's censoring of a VH-1 show to the censoring of the pee-pee tape earlier in the morning. Howard knew that Sal was just busting his balls but explained the censoring anyway. He got Sal off the line a short time later.
Howard didn't know where to begin this morning. He ended up talking about the Atkins diet guy who died a while back. Howard read that the guy was obese at the time he died. He said that his wife is claiming that he was sick at the time and it wasn't the diet that made him obese. Howard read from the article that said Dr. Atkins had a history of high blood pressure and clogged arteries as well. Howard said his diet doesn't sound all that different than Artie's diet. Just throw in a couple of pizzas and it's Artie. Robin told Howard that there are a lot of fast food chains selling Atkins diet friendly foods, even after the guy died. Howard read that the guy apparently gained a lot of water weight while he was in a coma. He said that Dr. Phil is also getting in on this thing even though he's fat.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was pissed that Howard threatened to quit yesterday and didn't follow through. The guy suggested that he quit and buy his own studio. Howard and the guy talked about that for a short time and Howard said that if the guy wanted him to walk out so he'd have no show, he'd do it. He said that he was pissed that his show was getting bleeped and people weren't hearing his show the way they should. He also said he has a contract to honor as well so he's staying around.
Another phone caller said that the Philly station started their delay build up at 3 minutes after 6. Howard yelled about that yesterday and Gary told him that Tim Sabian down there assured him that they would start the delay build up before 6am. Howard talked about how he has to fight over all of this stuff and poor Mel Karmazin has to testify in front of congress today. Howard said Mel has to do that over the Janet Jackson breast incident. Howard read an article about that subject and talked about how ridiculous it is that they're getting so crazy over a breast. Howard said there are a lot of other things that congress could be holding meetings over that are much more important.
Howard said they'll be broadcasting from Vegas from Wednesday, April 27th to Friday the 29th. They tape the show the night before it airs. The caller said that he wants to play a game of blackjack with them. Howard said that he and Artie are going to go down to Atlantic City to practice for Vegas.
Howard and Artie talked about the great bowling alley room they have at the Hard Rock Hotel. Howard said he wants that room for himself when he goes out there. He wondered if he would even use the alley though. Artie told Howard that they're building an island out in the pool at the hotel and it'll have only hot chicks on it. He said that is going to be the coolest pool around. Howard said that having the bowling room has to get someone laid. He talked about how you could just tell chicks that you have a bowling alley in your room to pick them up.
Artie said he was told that David Bowie had that bowling room when he was out there recently. Howard wondered if Bowie actually used the alley or if he just sat around drinking tea and ignored the alley. Howard said he might bring his own bowling ball out there when he goes. Joey Boots called in and asked Howard for a free trip to Vegas. Howard quickly told him ''No!'' and hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who kissed his ass a little and said he wouldn't ask for any prizes even though he'd like to. Howard was in a good mood and gave the guy a $500 prize anyway.
Howard replayed the clip of Larry King having Anna Nicole Smith model for him on his show the other night. He got all creepy and started moaning, laughing and said ''Not bad!'' when she got up and modeled. Fred played some sound effects in the background as it was playing. Howard took a break a short time later.
Howard moved on to talk about Rick Dees leaving his radio show. Howard said that yesterday he thought that it was just a publicity stunt. It was apparently real. He read that Dees read from a statement about why he was leaving. Howard played some audio of Dees bragging about how much money his show makes and how it's the number one money generating radio show of it's kind. Howard wondered how any of this was real if his claims are true. He also wondered why anyone would care if he's the number one money generating radio show of it's kind. He said he doesn't know why they soul get rid of the guy if he was making that much money. He mentions that it's the number on ''of it's kind'' so Howard said that must mean that it's number one out of all of the sucky radio shows out there.
Howard continued to play the clip of Dees' goodbye tape and goofed on it the whole time. He made fun of Dees dopey laughter during his sad speech. Howard said it would have been funny if the guy had just taken out a gun at the end of the speech and shot himself. Howard said you'd think the guy would get real on his last show and not put on that dopey voice of his. Howard also goofed on the fact that Rick's wife did a lot of the lame voices of phone callers to his show.
Dees quoted something where he says that God put he and his audience together every morning. He quoted some other stuff that sounded like some sort of wedding vows as well. Howard goofed on that and kept goofing on Dees and his wife's lame impressions. He said it would have been funny if he was actually Rick's son's father. He goofed around with that idea for a short time and said that the kid probably wishes that Howard really was his father. He said it must be embarrassing to go to school and tell other kids that your father is Rick Dees. Howard said Dees' son and Tim Conway's son probably sit in a corner somewhere together too embarrassed to admit who their fathers are.
Dees says that he prays for his audience every morning as well. Robin wondered if that could be true. Howard said he believes the guy could be that nuts. As he wrapped up there was some wind noise playing as he signed off. He also had piano music playing in the background as he said his goodbyes. Howard goofed on all of that and said they could have stuck with that all morning. Howard suggested that Rick go into religious radio because he read his speech pretty well.
Howard wondered how old Dees is. Gary told him they checked and think that he's about 53. Howard started the tape from the beginning again and listened to Dees' claims about being the number one money generating show of it's kind. Howard said that Dees should call in to his show if he wants to be on the air.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that Dees' goodbye song was one by Anya called ''Only Time.'' Howard said that he'd like to hear the whole final show. Since Vinnie was on the line Howard ended up goofing on him as well. They played some of his love tape and played some piano music in the background just like Dees did. Vinnie told Howard he heard that Rick was offered less money to renew with that company and he turned it down. The whole rest of his show was basically a pitch to the next company that hires him. That's why he was mentioning the stuff about his show being the number one money generator of it's kind. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard took a call from comedian Shuli. He said that the sports books are going nuts out there since they heard that he's coming out there in April. He told Howard they're taking bets on how long Artie will wear the same clothes and stuff like that. Shuli also asked if they're going to do another drinking show. Howard said they will be doing that but Robin didn't seem too excited about that. Howard ended up goofing on Gary about the way he drinks Saki for a short time.
Shuli asked Howard if he thinks he'll drop more money at the casino or at Club Paradise. Howard thought they had some problems with Club Paradise but Gary didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said in that case, they'll probably spend more at Club Paradise.
Shuli asked if Dominic or Ralph will piss off more people while they're out in Vegas. Howard said that hopefully Dominic won't even go. He said he's going down to Atlantic City and he's not telling him about that trip. He doesn't want him in Vegas either. Shuli mentioned Sam Simon as well and how he spends money like crazy when he's out there. He said he's got the American Express Black card and he uses that to buy lap dances and stuff. Gary came in and said that the card becomes a really special thing because there are only 7000 of them in the country.
Gary also said that he found a note from Club Paradise that said something about how they changed management and they weren't going to be spending money with the radio station out there. Howard said they'll have to find another club then. Gary said he went to the Spearmint Rhino and that might be their new favorite. Howard said that's where they'll be going when they're out there in April. Howard said they won't even mention the other place anymore.
Howard said he read about John Travolta's 50th birthday party and there were a lot of celebrities out there. He said Oprah Winfrey and a bunch of other celebrities were all there. That led to Howard talking about something cool they're doing on Oprah today. He said that they're following around Winona Judd to see how much she eats. Howard and Robin both said they'll be watching that.
Howard said that Kelly Ripa was on Wayne Brady's show the other day talking about how her life isn't as crazy as it seems. She said she actually works less than people think she does. Howard said he likes that she's playing it down a bit and not making a big deal about it. She said that she only does an hour with Regis and that she's the luckiest person on TV. Howard said she's like the anti-Kathie Lee. He said if that was Kathie Lee Gifford, she would have been talking about how tough her life is instead of saying that it's not that much work.
Howard played some tape of Larry King doing an interview. He played that and talked about how creepy Larry is when he interviews people. He also played the clip of him checking out Anna Nicole Smith again with the beating off sound effect playing in the back ground. There was another tape of a different show where Larry was asked about his own children and gets all weird as he's talking about the young kids he has. Howard goofed on that for a few seconds and moved on to some other stuff.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard that when Anna Nicole Smith was on the show the other day, Larry had to introduce her lawyer, who is also named Howard Stern, and had to mention that it wasn't ''that Howard Stern'' when he said the name. Janks also said that the Today Show is doing a ''Where's Matt Lauer'' thing on their show so Howard should do something like that. Howard wondered why anyone would care about where Matt Lauer is.
Howard played a little bit of the pee pee and poo poo tape he played on the show yesterday. It's a tape that originally aired on PBS so it should have been fine to play on the air but they had the delay hit on them yesterday when they played it and goofed on it. Howard said he hopes that they don't get the delay hit on them again. He and Artie goofed on the tape again. Artie was doing his impression of George Takei as the tape was playing and made some jokes about the stuff the woman was explaining to kids in the tape. The woman was explaining how a kid learns to use a potty. Howard said that Kidd Chris sent him that tape and he wondered what the hell it was.
Gary came in and told Howard that someone has released the full Paris Hilton porn tape. He said that the stuff that was released earlier was nothing compared to this tape. He told Howard that there is high quality video of her doing all kinds of stuff and she shows everything. Howard said he wanted to see it so he went right to break.
Artie said there's something about her being a rich, spoiled, vapid person that makes it even better. Howard said that the video was on the internet so everyone will have it soon. He said that they should have sold it though. Artie said he would give the edge to the Pam tape over the Paris tape. He said she's hotter than Paris. Howard said he saw Pam on The Tonight Show the other day and she looked great. Howard said he's not sure if it's her legs or what but there's something about her. He reminded himself that she wanted to have a sleep over at his place the next time she's in town. He said he'd love that and not even so he could bang her. Howard said that he couldn't give out the web site for the Paris tape because they might be planning on charging for it.
Howard said that someone was walking past the studio and heard some music playing. They walked in Scott's studio and saw one of the interns playing guitar for Scott. She said she was auditioning for him. Scott said the band might be looking for a female singer so he asked her for a tape. She didn't have anything with her so Scott recorded something for him in the studio.
Howard wondered why she'd be doing something like that. Scott told him that she's really good and his son was thinking about it. Howard also said that Scott was talking Jim Florentine's ear off about the band. Scott said that Jim asked him about the band so he was telling him about it. He didn't bring it up himself. Howard told him not to bother his guests with stuff like that. He told him that he should have just said the band was doing fine and left it there.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and ended up talking about some political stuff even though Howard didn't seem all that interested in talking about that stuff. Howard goofed on the guy that brought up the whole thing for a few seconds and got off the line a short time later to talk to Scott the Engineer's wife.
Scott's wife Robin called in and told Howard that her son's band is really good and she thought that Howard should leave him alone. Howard said that he just doesn't want Scott auditioning interns in his studio or bothering his guests with stuff about his kid's band.
Scott came back in a short time later with a clip of the intern's audition. He said her name is Gayle and she performed ''No Rain'' by Blind Melon and ''Angie'' by the Rolling Stones. Howard played some of her audition and wondered if Scott sat there and stared at her while she was performing. Howard played the second song that she covered as well. Robin wondered if Gayle had heard Vertigo Blue because she's really good and she might want to check out the band before she sings for them. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
Howard moved on to the snowboarder who wiped out during a taping of David Letterman's show last week. Howard said she was wearing a see through shirt when she came in this morning. He said he would never even try to snowboard. He said it's dumb and he wouldn't want to hurt himself.
Howard said he heard that Tara was a gymnast as a kid and she ended up dropping out of school when she was about 15. She said she thought she knew what she wanted to do at that age and it wasn't school. Howard said if he tried to do that at that age, his father would have killed him. Howard said that Tara's nose is pierced and she's tattooed all over the place. She cursed at one point so they had to hit the delay on her. Howard said he did't hear her using that word on Letterman's show but she said she actually did as she was about to crash.
Howard said that Tara was wearing a see through mesh shirt and didn't have a bra on underneath it. He went on to ask her about what she did as a kid and how wild she was back then. She said she was pretty wild as a kid but she wasn't really a bad kid. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the snowboarding thing.
Howard told Tara that he had David Letterman on the phone. It was actually Evil Dave, an impersonator, who ended up asking Tara what she was wearing. He also said that he had his pants off while he was on the phone. He said all he had on was black shoes and black socks. Then he asked her to say ''Daddy's girl's been a bad girl.'' Evil Dave also told her that she can sue the show if she wants.
Tara said that after she crashed she was really mad because she had too many hands on her. She said that they ended up cutting off all of her clothes at the hospital. Evil Dave got back to insulting Tara and asked her why she was sliding down a hill on a piece of wood when she should be home making babies. He also wondered why she's out of the hospital if she was so sick. He said when he visited her at the hospital he pulled down her dress and used his toe on her. He got off the line a short time later.
A listener called in and said that Tara was all over FHM magazine this month. Howard talked to her a little bit about that and then asked her how they figure out who's the best snowboarder. She told him about how they compete and how she makes money off the sport. She said she has Campbell's Soup as a sponsor. Howard sounded pretty impressed by that and wondered how much she can make doing that. She didn't think she could say how much she gets paid.
Tara said that she has made a lot of money doing what she does and it's much more than she ever thought she'd make being a high school drop out and a runaway. She also told Howard that Ben Affleck hit on her one time but he may have been drunk at the time and might not remember it. She also said that Eminem didn't really hit on her but she did meet him and told him that she didn't really like his first CD and actually returned it.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Tara how she was doing. She said she just saw him last night on the E! show. Jeff asked her if she enjoys Bukkake. She didn't know what he was talking about so Howard hung up on him and asked her if a snowboarder can make like $750,000 a year. She said ''Oh yeah...'' She told him that she's gotten about $80,000 in a year just in prize money. She said one event was worth $15,000 but that's about it. She said the rest of the money comes from sponsors.
Sal the Stockbroker called in and said that she wasn't wearing a helmet... and wondered if her breasts or vagina were hurt in the accident on Letterman's show. She said she did hurt her ass and had to get stitches to close up the cut on her head. She didn't hurt her breasts or vagina.
Howard asked Tara about the huge tattoo she's got all over her body. She said she started that when she was about 18 and doesn't regret it at all. She said she just likes ink.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Tara and ended up asking her if she smokes pot. She said she doesn't do that anymore and it would be a bad idea to say she did because she might lose sponsors. Robin brought up how Tara now wants to go snowboarding with the 13 year old surfer girl who lost her arm in a shark attack.
Howard asked Tara if she'd ever attempt the stunt she wiped out on during the Letterman show. She said that trick was an easy one and she should have been able to pull it off no problem. Howard gave Tara a couple of plugs for this Boarding for Breast Cancer thing she's part of. You can find out more about that at BoardingForBreastCancer.com.
Howard asked Tara if she's dating anyone these days. She said she's banging a friend of hers that she's known for a long time. She said she's always thought he was hot but they both had boyfriends or girlfriends so they never hooked up.
A snowboarder called in and said he took offense to Howard's comments about snowboarders. He told Howard that he works a full time job and finds time to snowboard when he's not working. He also told Artie that he's able to smoke pot at work every day. He said you just have to find the right people to work for.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Tara before wrapping up the interview. Robin told Howard that David Letterman actually won the ratings war on Monday night when Tara was on with Dr. Phil. Howard wrapped up the segment right after that and went to commercial break.
KC told Howard that Jim will just walk through a place and let out belches like that. Jim said he'll let one out and walk the other way, leaving KC hanging. Then he'll say ''Say excuse me at least'' to KC as he's standing there.
KC also mentioned that Jim was struck out by a female pitcher recently so that led to Howard saying that Artie claims that he can hit a ball thrown by any chick. He claims that there's no way a chick can strike him out. Robin said they really need to get a pro player because Artie got off light when he played basketball against a female player when they were in Las Vegas.
Artie said that a female pro softball player could strike him out. He's saying that he can hit an overhand, regular baseball pitcher's ball no matter what woman is throwing it. Howard said they need a pro catcher and pitcher as well. Robin said the basketball player that Artie played against didn't have a killer instinct. Artie beat her up but ended up losing to her.
Jim asked Artie if he would give up drinking for a month if the chick strikes him out. Howard thought that was a good bet but Artie immediately said ''No.'' He wanted to put up $1000 instead. Howard said that money doesn't mean anything to him. Then they wanted him to give up both drinking and gambling for a month if he loses. Artie didn't seem interested in doing that though.
Stuttering John came in and said he wanted to bet Artie $5,000 that he would be struck out three times in a row by any female college baseball player. Artie said that he thinks he could hi a pitch thrown by some pro baseball pitchers. Stuttering John seems to think Artie is out of his mind thinking he can do this.
Howard wanted to straighten things out as far as their Las Vegas trip goes but John and Artie were yelling at each other and arguing about the whole thing. A listener called in a short time later and told Howard about this chick Jenny Finch who is a softball pitcher who can also throw overhand. Jim told Howard that's the chick who struck him out. He said she's really hot and looks kind of like Beth.
Artie and Stuttering John continued to argue and Artie was doing his impression of Elegant Eliot Offen as he was yelling at John. John kept telling Gary that they have to get the best female pitcher they can find. Howard told John to find the pitcher he wants to pitch against Artie. John said that the basketball player that played against Artie was horrible so they need someone that's really good to pitch.
Howard said he saw the chick pitch against Jim Florentine and she was good. Jim said that the ball came in so quick he didn't even see it. He also said that Alex Rodriguez saw one of her pitches and said he wasn't even going to try to hit.
Stuttering John doesn't seem to think that Artie is in the same shape he was in 10 years ago so there's no way he'll be able to play like he thinks he can. Howard just wanted to find out what the bet was going to be and if Artie was going to give up drinking and gambling for this bet. He wasn't ready to pick who he thought would win this thing. He said he needs to see the woman who is going to pitch first. Howard told the guys that they're going to find a really good female pitcher who can throw from 60 feet away. Jim told them that there are women who have played in the minor leagues who should be able to throw from that distance.
A listener called in and told Howard about a pitcher that he saw years ago who should be able to pitch against Artie. The guys continued to argue about that stuff for a couple of minutes before Howard had to wrap up and go to commercial. He gave Jim Florentine a couple of plugs for his upcoming appearances at Governors on Long Island on February 27th and 28th. He was about to go to break but Artie and John kept arguing with each other.
Kumal from the Jerky Boys called in and said that he's seen Artie play ball and when he runs to first base he looks like someone from the special olympics. He said that he doesn't run or do much else very good but he can hit the ball. He said he's really good at hitting the ball. Kumal said that he can throw the ball at about 90 MPH and Artie can hit them. Artie said the guy throws fast but they're wild pitches. Stuttering John ended up goofing on Kumal about his hair plugs a little bit. Kumal goofed on John's hair as well and said that his hair looks like an arm pit. Howard cut them all off and went to commercial shortly after that.
Howard took a couple of calls about the whole baseball thing before getting to the news. One woman called in and said that she plays for the New Jersey Indians and she pitches from 60 feet. She says that she can pitch at 67 or 68 MPH. Artie just laughed at almost everything she was saying though. Jim Florentine said if she can throw at 67 then there has to be a woman out there who can throw at 80. They'll find someone to pitch against Artie. Howard had Robin start her news after that quick discussion.
Howard started off the show playing a clip of Dan Rather talking about how the government may want to go after cable channels over indecency broadcasts. Howard said it's really a joke. He went on to talk about how the head of his company had to go to Washington DC to talk to a bunch of Bureaucrats about the breast incident during the half time show at the Super Bowl. Howard said that Mel was the only one who had the balls to do that. He said that Mel had to get yelled at while one congress woman started to cry about how they ''lined their pockets'' with money. Howard said it's unbelievable that people didn't even get this mad at Enron over what they did. He said that all CBS did was put on a half time show. He said it was just a breast and this whole thing is stupid.
Howard said his name was dragged into it as well. He and Robin talked about how there are people out there watching porn and stuff like that and the stuff he talks about on his radio show isn't that big of a deal. Howard said they should have had a list of the congressmen who have had sex with their interns. Howard said that this whole thing is just screwed up.
Howard was having problems with his cell phone making some noise. He said it sounds like a geiger counter for some reason. He said he might have to go back to using the old phone.
Joey Boots called in and asked how Congress can get to a meeting over this indecency stuff so quickly but they can't do it when it comes to Enron or Haliburton. Howard said he doesn't get it either. He went on to talk about how Mel, a businessman, is just trying to pay people who work for his company by making some money. He said he thinks that his days are numbered there because of the new laws they're thinking of passing. He said that if they come out with the three strikes law, he'll be out of there before his two years are up.
Howard said that there's no way he's voting for Bush after all of this. He said that he should step in on this Powell guy and he should also stop talking about religion all the time as well. Howard said he's been up since 3am getting pissed off by all of this nonsense that's going on. He had tape of the woman who was crying during the hearings that Mel attended. One guy said ''We're mad as H E double L...'' and wouldn't even say the word. Howard wondered where all of the people are that enjoy porn are. They don't step up to defend what's going on with TV.
Howard said that Mel stepped up and paid a billion dollars to broadcast the NFL games on CBS. He said that all he's tried to do was entertain people. Howard got back to the tape where Mel Karmazin was defending his company and blaming Janet for what she did. Howard said that his own company flashed a picture of him up on the screen during their report about these meetings. Howard said that Mel should fire all of the news people there at the company. He said his own company was the only company that did that too.
The Congresswoman who was crying sounded like she was completely whacked out of her mind. She was crying as she was talking to Mel about how he lines his pockets and increases his market share with all of this stuff. Howard played more clips of the woman talking about how her family has restrictions on watching TV. Howard told her that if she's that restrictive, she shouldn't have a TV in her house. He said she doesn't need a TV to live so she should just get it out of her house. He suggested that she let us enjoy what's on TV. The woman goes on to talk about the commercial where the horse farted. Howard said that this woman is insane worrying about farting horses. Howard said that he hopes that this woman's child grows up to be in gay porn some day.
Howard said that no one held meetings like this when there was controversy going on around the Catholic church where kids are getting molested. He continued to play tape of the woman talking about how her 4th grader son said that the half-time show was ''nasty'' and how the kids on the playground were all talking about it. She goes on and on about her son and how he thought that Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake should be the ones who get sued. Howard and Robin said the kid is smarter than his mother. As she's talking about this she's on the verge of tears. Howard wondered what her problem is and said that he feels like wringing her neck when he hears it. Once again he said that he hopes the kid grows up to be in gay porn.
The congresswoman demanded to know how something like this could happen during a show that was rehearsed for weeks before it aired. She said that the playground should have been abuzz with discussions of The Patriots and their win, not talk about Janet's breast. Howard suggested that they just stop broadcasting TV to her home town. She also brings up the CBS support of ''shock jocks.'' Howard said they're just working their way up to getting rid of him. He said if he comes back to radio at all, it'll probably be on Satellite. Howard said he'd like to see this woman keep a radio station afloat without people like him on the air.
Howard pointed out that PBS shows nipple on the air every day and he wondered why they're not there defending this stuff. Gary came in and told Howard that this woman's voting record shows that she's been behind the Right to Life votes 94 percent of the time. Howard said that explains it, she's a religious freak. He got back to her speech where she was crying about Mel lining his pockets and increasing his market share. Howard said of course that's what they try to do, that's the business they're in. Howard said if you ever get in trouble you just have to sit and let these broads talk. He said that's one thing he's figured out. You just have to sit and listen to people like this. The crazy congresswoman eventually ended her speech so Howard went to commercial break.
Howard said that with all of this FCC stuff going on, maybe we'll get a remake of ''Lassie.'' He took a phone call from a guy after that who told him about a TV show where they're going to have a celebrity spelling bee. The caller was pointing out how it's like a rip off of what Howard does on his show. Howard went on to talk about other things that have been ripped off from his show over the years. He said that ''Street Smarts'' is their ''Homeless Game.'' There are a couple of producers that work for FOX that seem to be big fans of the show and rip off his stuff. He said he's fine with his place in broadcasting. He also said that he knows that he'll be the scapegoat that will be kicked off the air for indecency stuff. He said he doesn't even mind that and he thinks he's ready for that. He said it might not be a bad way to end his career.
Howard said there are times that he talks about sexuality and he's sure that they could find something to kick him off the air with. He talked about the pee pee and poo poo tape he played yesterday and the day before and how the delay button was hit on him. It's a children't TV show that he's playing but he's sure that someone could find something to kick him off the air with.
Howard said he got that congresswoman's voting record. He said that she voted yes on a law to make gun waiting periods 1 day instead of 3. Howard said if he was Mel Karmazin he would have brought up stuff like that during the hearings he attended. Howard said if he was there he would have asked her why she has a TV in her house as well. He said he would have brought up the gun thing and would have asked her why, if she's so worried about kids, would she want people to get guns without being checked first.
Howard read through some of the things that congresswoman has voted yes on. He said that she's voted yes on stuff like...
A woman called in and asked Howard not to leave radio. He may not have a choice though. The woman said that she has some 14 and 15 year olds and their friends who have parents who don't let them eat junk food or watch TV come over to their house and raid their snacks, want to watch R-rated movies and curse up a storm. She said when you keep stuff like that from kids, it makes it more enticing to them.
Howard said that Jim Carrey put out a press release about the comments he made in Playboy recently. Howard said the only place he saw the press release was in his email. Howard said that Jim didn't mention anything about his own comments, he was just pointing out the incorrect comments that they made in the Page Six article about the whole thing. Howard said that both Jim and Richard Johnson from Page Six should be calling into the show to talk about this stuff.
Howard took a call from a woman who brought up the indecency stuff again. She doesn't want Howard to leave radio but Howard said he's ready to go. He said he would like the chance to defend himself in front of Congress. He said that he'd like to confront that woman and hear why they think there's something wrong with talking about pee pee and poo poo and joking around with it. He had to take another break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard said that he was watching ''Smallville'' last night and it was actually good even though they had racing going on. Howard said he heard the song ''Wonderwall'' at the end of the show but it wasn't by Oasis, it was by Ryan Adams. He said it sounded kind of cool though. Howard said he went and downloaded the song from the WB web site. He played the song on the air so Robin could hear it. Howard liked that the guy sings acoustically and you can hear his fingers riding up and down the neck of the guitar.
Howard said that he and Artie have plans to go play poker soon. Robin was interested in playing too so Howard said she could go with them as well. They talked about that for a minute.
Howard said that yesterday they were talking about Artie and how he thinks that there is no female baseball pitcher who can strike him out. They ended up picking a woman to do the pitching. Her name is Ila Borders.
Howard got Ila on the phone and asked her about what she's done. She told Howard about the guys she's played with and how she's struck out some major league players before. Artie said he's ready and not worried about it. She said that she can pitch at about 80 MPH. She said she has a few pitches she can throw. Stuttering John is willing to put up $5,000 on this bet. He was in to goof on Artie while they talked about this whole thing.
Artie asked Ila a couple of questions and laughed at her answers. Artie said he'll have to put down his drink to hit the ball. He's very confident that he can get a hit off her. He said there's just one at bat and if he walks or gets a hit off of her, he wins. Howard and Stuttering John agreed to those rules. Gary came in and said that they have to find a major league umpire to make sure Artie doesn't lean into the pitch or anything like that. Gary said that John was already running around saying that Tom (Chiusano) should pay him the $5,000 for promoting this competition. John said that's not what he said but he couldn't remember exactly what he said either.
Howard said that Artie is just saying that he doesn't think that there's any female out there that can strike out a guy. Howard was backing Artie in this whole thing. He seems to think that he will get a hit off of her. Artie doesn't think he's going to get the money from John if he wins. John got a little upset and said that he's paid off all of his bets. Artie and Gary said that he usually drags them along to the ATM to get them the money.
Stuttering John said that there was a buzz around the station yesterday and people were thinking that Artie would be able to do this. Howard said that Artie is an athlete even if people don't think he is.
One of Ila's former team mates, Jose, called in and said that Ila was a good player but there's no way she'd ever be better than a man. The guy thought that she was brought on the team as a publicity stunt. She said that the games were sold out before she was brought on the team though. Jose said that her slow pitches threw them off. He said when you go from 90 MPH pitches to 75 MPH it really throws them off.
Gary said that Ila was cursed at and spit on when she was playing in college. She said that it was usually the guy's girlfriend who were doing the spitting for some reason. Jose told Howard that he ended up getting hurt and he now owns an office installation company.
Stuttering John pointed out all of Artie's weaknesses to Jose and asked him if he still thinks he can get a hit off of her. Jose said ''Oh definitely!'' Even though Artie is overweight, he drinks and smokes, Jose still thinks he'll get a hit.
Howard put a thousand bucks on Artie to win. He said that he thinks Artie can easily hit a 75 MPH ball. Howard told Artie that he can't drink the night before the competition. Stuttering John said that if they'd had a real WNBA basketball player to compete against him last year, there's no way he would have come as close to winning as he did last year.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls about this stuff and it sounds like most people think that Artie will be able to hit one of Ila's pitches. There were questions about what kind of bat Artie was going to use. Artie said it doesn't matter if he uses an aluminum or wooden bat. Gary said that he shouldn't be allowed to use an aluminum bat because they can't sue them in Major League games.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that there shouldn't be allowed to bunt. Artie said he probably wouldn't do that but it should be allowed. Gary seems to think that it's easier to bunt so Howard wanted him to get up and try to bunt one of her pitches. There were many discussions going on during this segment. There were arguments about the bat and what kind it should be. Ila said that she wants Artie to swing at her pitches and doesn't care what kind of bat he uses. She just doesn't want him to bunt.
Howard asked Ila what she was wearing. She said she was in a tank top and shorts. Howard wondered if her ass cheeks were hanging out of the bottom. She said they fit right so they weren't hanging out. Artie asked if she can pitch in a thong. The guys suggested that Artie wear a thong too. Robin said that Artie won't even go out in a bathing suit, there's no way he's going out in a thong. Howard said that maybe he would if they put makeup on his stretch marks.
Howard said that Tom wants to change the Las Vegas dates for some reason. Tom said he has to check and make sure they can make it work that week. Howard wants to keep it the same week (The last week in April)
Fred said that he thinks Artie will be able to get a hit off of this chick. Ila said that she doesn't really have a lot of backers in this competition. She said she will be practicing before this whole thing happens. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about her days in baseball. He had to wrap it up a little while later. Howard couldn't believe they had another sports bet going on like they did last year. He took a commercial break after that.
Yesterday Howard and the guys saw the Paris Hilton porn tape. Today he had this guy Mike on the line to talk about the site and how he got it. His web site, TrustFundGirls.com, is where Howard saw the video. Howard said that this guy claims he has the rights to the tape. Mike said that Paris Hilton and Rick Solomon were the two who shot the video but he would not say how he got the rights to it. He said he does own the rights to it though. He said he does not know if Paris' parents have any plans to sue him.
Howard tried to find out if he paid for the rights or what. He said he would not say exactly what went on but he did insist that he owns the rights. Howard guessed that he got the rights from Rick. Mike would not say how or from whom he got the rights. Mike would just say ''I own it'' to Howard and Robin. Both of them asked him if he has to get approval from both people in the video or just one of them. He would not answer.
Mike said that he is charging $50 for this video. Mike said that he was not going to give his name or even say if he has kids. He said that his name is not actually Mike. Dominic called in and said that there are different laws about tapes like this and they usually go through Europe to get around the laws. Mike said that he is actually in Europe at this time. Dominic said that he could have even gotten the tape from a third party and that's how he got the rights to the tape. Mike also said that he does not use the name Paris Hilton on his web site. He said he thinks he could use her name but he chooses not to.
Mike told Howard that they were the first ones to have seen this video and they started the whole thing. Howard said he feels kind of bad for Paris but Robin told him that it's made Paris a huge star so he shouldn't feel that bad. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Mike before wrapping up that call.
Andrea said she had to guess at a lot of the answers on the test. KC said that there were three parts and each one gave a half hour to complete. He said she left about 20 blank at one point in one section of the three. She didn't think she left that many blank though.
Howard asked her about the jewelry she was wearing this morning. She showed off some of the stuff she was wearing and the guys were wondering where she gets the money to pay for that stuff. She said she has money saved up that she uses. Andrea said that she hates dancing and won't do that anymore. She said that was the only time she's ever been depressed in her life. She said if you ever see her dancing again, she's hit rock bottom.
Howard moved on to Andrea's IQ test. He wanted to find out what her score was. Howard and Robin both said that they think it'll be an 80. There were 17 left blank in the math section according to KC. KC also said that Andrea's trip into the city was pretty tough. She came in yesterday afternoon and ended up in Queens instead of Manhattan.
Andrea said she doesn't trust anyone out there because so many people take advantage of her. Howard said that he would just bang her once and leave her. He was just being honest. Robin said that KC and Andrea would make a great couple. He said they look good together. They spent a short time on that before they actually got to the IQ test.
Howard and Gary talked about the IQ score and what an 80 would mean. Gary thought that a 90 would mean she's really dumb but an 80 would be like a monkey. Gary said he thinks she'll manage to get an 83. Gary was willing to put up a hundred bucks that she'd be over an 80. Robin said she thought she'd be under that number.
They kept getting sidetracked talking about Andrea's sex life and stuff like that. She said she hasn't had sex since she was 18. She's turning 21 next week. Howard said he heard that she likes someone but she didn't want to embarrass herself by talking about it. Howard was going to give her $500 if she told them who it was. She kept saying that she can't tell them. He upped it to $1000 but she kept saying she couldn't do it. She turned down the money.
Howard gave up on that and moved on to the IQ test. KC gave them the score and she came out with an IQ of 88. She's in the 21st percentile so 79 percent of the people taking the test would have scored better than her. Howard and the guys were blown away when they heard the score. KC said that just 5 right is an 81 IQ. Howard congratulated her on the big score and tried to wrap up the interview. They kept trying to find out who her crush was on. She kept saying that she didn't want to say who it was. Howard said that she had a crush on KC but she kept saying ''no'' and it was making her too nervous. Howard asked her to turn to him and say that she didn't have a crush on him. She said it was too embarrassing. Howard told KC to ask her out but even KC didn't want to do that.
Ronnie the Limo Driver brought Andrea's friend in because she knows who her crush is on. She wanted the $1000 to tell them. Andrea yelled at her friend Rachelle not to tell them. Andrea said that she'd be mad at her and wouldn't talk to her if she told. Andrea asked KC if he's really gay and why he tells the gay jokes all the time. He said that he's not gay and he tells the jokes because ''gay is funny.''
Howard ended up giving the friend the money because she did say that the person Andrea has the crush on was in the room at the time. Howard knew it was KC after that. Howard asked her what the big deal was and why she wasn't saying that she had a crush on him. She was too embarrassed to say anything though. Howard had KC stand there waiting for her to say something to him. Howard told her that she blew her chance so then she said that he ''is cute or whatever'' and that he has a good body. KC thanked her for that but told her that he's not into finding anyone at this point. Howard wrapped up the segment and went to commercial.
Rob told Howard that Adam Sandler sent a note along thanking him for being so nice about his dog Meatball dying. Howard said he was going to send him a note about that himself. He said he could give it to Rob and they could goof on the note later on. Howard asked Rob what he knew about the death of Adam's dog. Rob said that a lot of bulldogs can have problems and Meatball had some seizures and stuff. It was on medication for that and it's immune system may have been down to begin with. The dog went in for an operation on an eyelash that wasn't growing correctly. When they put it under, the dog died of a heart attack. Rob said that he was hanging out with the dog the day before so it was pretty upsetting. Howard said he was jealous of the dog's life because Adam treated the dog so well.
Howard said he has a bulldog and for a year he would go on and watch Adam's videos of the dog on his web site (AdamSandler.com). Howard said you really have to go to a good breeder to get a bulldog that doesn't have health problems. Robin said that those dogs weren't mean to be to begin with. Rob said that he was allergic to Meatball but he had to have a dog. He got one that is hypo allergenic. He said he has a West Hyland Terrier and he can't imagine not having the dog now.
Rob talked about his wife and how she's always going to Brazil. Howard read that Rob gets really depressed when she's away from him. Howard thought he read that he said something pretty wacky about how much he misses her when she's away. Rob said that line was actually from a movie though. Rob's wife is only 21 years old so Howard sid that the only problem is that Rob is 39. Rob said that he doesn't tell anyone that she's married to Rob Schneider because she doesn't want people to treat her differently.
Howard asked Rob about this new movie ''50 First Dates'' and why Adam is stuck on Drew Barrymore. Rob just laughed and told Howard about the movie. He said it's really funny and Drew is good in the part she plays. Howard asked him if he plays Deuce Bigalow in the movie. Rob said he wanted to but he couldn't do that.
Howard had this guy Harris Goldberg on the phone. Howard said that Harris has a problem with Rob but when he got him on the line he had only good things to say about him. Howard said the guy calls them all the time and tells them that Rob doesn't call him and doesn't get credit for what he did helping out writing ''Deuce Bigalow.'' Gary came in and said that the guy called him twice and said that he really wanted to bad mouth him. Rob said that he had a lot of fun writing the movie with him and he knew that it would get him a million bucks worth of work after it. He was right about that but Harris wouldn't say anything bad about Rob.
Will came in and said he spoke to this guy Harris yesterday for a half hour and the guy had nothing good to say about Rob. Then today he calls in and says nothing but good things about him. Robin wondered who got to the guy. Howard asked Harris why he was bad mouthing him before and wasn't doing it today. Harris said that he didn't bad mouth him so Howard hung up on him and moved on.
Howard took some phone calls for Rob and let some people ask him some questions. One guy asked him if he has a pre-nuptial with this 21 year old. He said that he's not really that rich and he doesn't need one. Howard seems to think that the next Deuce Bigalow will be the big hit that will make him rich. Rob said that they're keeping the movie R rated and he's got a couple of other things in the works that will be rated R. He said that he's tried PG-13 movies and they just don't work.
Howard asked Rob if he misses Saturday Night Live. Rob said that he does miss the immediacy of it because he could get funny ideas out quickly. Rob told Howard that he spends his days writing and stuff and doesn't have the energy he used to have to bang his wife. Howard asked him if he's doing her like 2 or 3 days a week. Rob said he wasn't sure about how often it was. He said that anything she wears is beautiful on her so he doesn't need her to wear anything special.
Howard talked to Rob about the people he used to work with on Saturday Night Live. Rob was there when a lot of successful people were there. Rob told Howard that he and Adam Sandler should make up and get together on the show. Howard said that Adam is pissed at him because he didn't like a few of his movies. Howard said they do play a couple of his comedy bits once in a while though.
Rob told Howard that he loved the Butterface contest they did last year and it should go into the hall of fame. He asked Howard if he could be one of the judges if they do it again this year. Howard said they might have to do that because it was funny. Rob said that his girlfriend is now a big fan of Howard's show. She wasn't sure what to think at first but now she's addicted to it.
Howard asked Rob to write him a part where he plays a character instead of just playing someone like himself. Rob said that Howard should check out what they have first before he just throws it away. Rob also said that he's going to Las Vegas now that he knows Howard is going. They spent a little time talking about the Vegas thing. Artie said that he's glad Rob came in and suggested that they do another Butterface contest. Howard said they'll get in contact with Rob about that later. He wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard said he never got to pick someone for tomorrow's contest to feel up Victoria Zdrok. Gary told him that not that many people were calling in. One guy called in a short time later and said he had an Anal Fistula operation back in October and he's still bleeding from that. The guy said that he's married and can't get laid much so he thinks he deserves the chance to plya the game. Howard said he was smart enough to call in at least. Howard took another call from a guy who wanted Howard to help him get laid. Howard set him up as the runner up for the Victoria Zdrok contest.
Howard took a couple more calls after that and he noticed that there's a problem with the phones. When he picks up there's a delay before the people hear him for some reason. One guy was calling in to complain about how the station down in his area had cut off the Miss Howard Stern segment before they were done. Howard said he's done trying to get his stations to run the show right. He suggested that they just run the show the way he wants it run. The caller asked for a $500 prize for being a loyal listener (If he's a loyal listener then where's my friggin money?) but the guy didn't even know that Miss Howard Stern was a beauty contest name, not a name for Howard's wife. Howard gave it to him anyway.
Howard read that Stuttering John bought a $1.2 million house in California. Someone wrote in about that but John came in and said it wasn't him. Howard said he gets that a lot about himself.
Howard said that our soccer team was down in Mexico playing a game and the crowd was chanting ''Osama'' (bin Laden) while they were playing. Howard said we should just cripple their economy because of that crap. Howard said we should just stop sending them money and just let them sink. That led to Robin bringing up how there are still wars going on in Afghanistan but no one even talks about that stuff because of what's going on in Iraq.
Courtney says that she's sober now and she didn't lose her daughter like people are claiming. She said that she came looking for her while she was doing her thing at the Grammy's the other night. Courtney said her daughter was with the bodyguards and she walked off to find her.
Courtney said she thinks she just needs to get F'd by a solid guy. She said she made out with a guy not long ago and the next day things just worked out. Howard said he might have to bang her.
Howard asked Courtney to just answer her questions simply. She just talked and talked though after he asked her a question. He talked to Courtney about the Kurt Cobain foundation and how much money has been ''stolen'' from her. Courtney said that it's about $40 million but the money is still there and she has people who are going to help her find it.
Howard asked Courtney about her family life and what her parents said when she became a stripper. She was asking her about that relationship but Courtney ended up hanging up on him again. Howard said he's worried about her. Before she hung up she said that Howard wouldn't ask her those questions if she was a male rock star.
Howard said he wanted to know if there is someone who will sit her down and talk to her and help her out. She didn't want to hear it for some reason and hung up on him. She was back on the line a minute later.
Courtney said that she was on a phone that sucked and it hung up on her. Howard told Courtney that he's worried about her and wants her to get some help. Courtney said she likes Howard too and her friends tell her they're worried about her as well. She told Howard about the people she's seen who can't get their kids. Howard said she must see that there is something really wrong if she can't get her own child.
Courtney cursed a few times during the call so Howard kept having to hit the delay on her. Howard tried to calm her down and wanted to talk to her like a parent. She just kept going on and on about weird stuff saying that her house is bugged and stuff like that. Howard told her that she has got to choose what kind of life she wants. He told her ''No more parties'' and that she has to stay in the house. He also suggested that she get on a schedule and go to bed early. He said she needs to get up early and work out. Howard also told her that she needs to wear a very conservative outfit when she goes to court. She also needs to tell the judge how much she loves her daughter and what she's willing to do to keep her. Howard said that she has to stop drinking and taking the prescription drugs that she's taking.
Courtney told Howard that he's not the boss of her and she's taking those drugs under the watch of a doctor. Howard told her that if she has pain she should go se Dr. Sarno (The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain) but Robin said that she's not ready to go see him.
Howard pretended to be the Judge in the case and tried to get Courtney to explain why she didn't show up to court the other day. She wouldn't listen to what he was saying and was just rambling about her reasoning for why she didn't go. Howard tried again to get her to say what he wanted her to say. She continued to ramble so Howard gave her a plug for her new album ''America's Sweetheart'' and wanted to let her get off the phone. She continued to ramble so Howard tried to deal with that. She insisted on talking over him and just kept going and going and going... It was 11 o'clock and she was still talking about prescription drugs, dildos and uncles. Robin tried to talk to her as well but she wasn't listening to her either.
Howard eventually had to get off the phone because it had gotten way to late in the show. He said he was going to ask her about having a romantic relationship with Dave Grohl. He got her on the line again and she said that she thought about it, it didn't actually happen. She started to ramble about her daughter again so Howard let her go on for a couple of minutes and put her on hold again. Robin finished up her news after that.
Tom Chiusano came in at around 11:10 and told Howard that Courtney had broken a record... She cursed 15 times while she was on the phone with Howard. They got all of them with the delay though so no one heard them.
Howard started the morning talking about Courtney Love wondering if she'll call back in this morning. She called in late yesterday around 10:30am. Howard said that Artie talked to her after the show. Artie said that Stuttering John was still on the phone with her after the show ended so he handed the phone to him. Artie spoke to her for about 30 seconds and passed the phone to Issac from E!. Artie said he was doing a gay voice as he spoke to her as the station lawyer. John said that Courtney talked his ear off and told him that Howard should go to her doctor. He said she told him about everything from her album to her boobs. He also said that if you banged her, she'd be the type of girl you never get rid of. That led to John and Artie telling stories about girls they've banged that they regretted the next day. John said that he had to have his mother get rid of a girl one time because she was too ugly to even look at the next morning.
Stuttering John said that Courtney kept telling him that her phone was white while he was talking to her. He didn't know what that meant. Howard said he almost wanted to replay that call from yesterday but if she's calling back today, there's no reason to do that.
Shuli called in and said he went over to the Spearmint Rhino to check it out ahead of time for Howard and the guys. They're going to go there instead of the usual place they go to out in Vegas. Howard said the other place changed ownership and said they didn't want any association with the show for some reason. Howard said he doesn't get that. Gary came in and said that the guy who used to run the place is now trying to get back in with that club because he was out of there for a few months. Gary thought it had something to do with advertising money but Howard thought it was personal for some reason.
Crazy Cabbie called in to talk about how he banged a crippled chick one time. Howard said that they had to get Cabbie out of the studio earlier in the morning because he was wanting to talk about John Kerry with him. Howard wasn't in the mood to get into that stuff that early so they had to shuffle him out. He said that Gary had to move him out of there because no one really cared at that point. Howard said he really doesn't care about that stuff. Cabbie wonders if Howard is going to back Bush if he's not going to back Kerry. Howard said he doesn't know and doesn't want to talk about it.
Cabbie got back to his story and told the story about the woman who he dated that was handicapped. He said he went out with the woman who had a brain injury after falling onto a spike somehow. He said that she couldn't really move her legs very well so they just hung over him like licorice ropes. He said he put her in a cab and sent her home after giving her a ''mercy lay.'' Howard asked Cabbie what's going on with his girlfriend these days. He said they've had some problems but they're working them out. He didn't get into specifics though. Howard let him go shortly after that quick discussion.
A listener called in and told a story about his buddies banging a chick and how they took her back to her place out in Pennsylvania. They left her at her doorstep but by the time they got home, she was sitting there waiting for them. She'd hitchhiked her way back there.
Another caller asked Howard if he's allowed to say the T-word or the S-word because they say it on a station down in Texas. Howard said none of them are allowed to say that stuff. He said that they probably don't care because it's out in Texas. He told the caller to just write a letter to the FCC to complain and screw them up. He said he hopes that someone gets fined like $15 million and has to go to court with the FCC.
Howard was having trouble understanding the callers this morning so he talked about how he doesn't even really listen anymore. He went on to talk about Cabbie grabbing him before the show this morning. He talked about John Kerry and his past for a short time.
A caller asked Howard why he even lets Cabbie on the air. He also thanked Howard for what he did at the start of the show yesterday when he played tape of the congresswoman who was crying at the indecency hearings the other day. Howard said he has even more stuff about that woman that he'll talk about later today. The caller started to talk about Osama bin Laden and Howard just bailed out on the call. He went on to say that he's going to be drinking tonight and tomorrow night. He's also going to be drinking over the whole weekend because he's on vacation next week.
Gary came in and told Howard that Courtney Love was on the phone with John but there was no rush because she was doing her pre-interview talk with him telling him what she wanted to talk about. Howard took a break before getting to her.
Howard said that Courtney Love was on the phone earlier but she hung up and they couldn't get her back on the line. He said she wanted to e-mail everyone before getting on the line for some reason. Instead, Howard played tape of a news report where they talked about her call to the show late yesterday. Howard said that he didn't even know what she was saying yesterday but when you hear and read the news, you find out a lot.
Howard read an article where the reporter said she was rambling on and on and cursed a record breaking 15 times. The writer also explained some of the other stuff that Courtney mentioned during her 30 minute call. It was a big deal to some people. For some reason Page Six didn't bad mouth Howard in this article. That led to Howard talking about how when he sees Richard Johnson again, he's going to go off on him about the article they wrote about him and the comments Jim Carrey made about him in a Playboy interview.
Howard read some e-mail that they've gotten lately. He got a lot of mail about the Courtney Love call from yesterday. Someone also pointed out that Howard looks a bit like that guy Elegant Elliot Offen. Howard said he has noticed that. Robin doesn't think he looks all that much like him though and he was beating himself up over it.
There were a bunch of other e-mails about the Courtney Love phone call that he read through. Most people had nothing good to say about her. There were other mails about KC not wanting to bang Miss Howard Stern yesterday when she was obviously into him. Howard said people were calling him a fag for not being into her. That led to Howard playing a couple of the song parodies they have about KC.
Howard read through a few more of the e-mails and asked KC what his problem was with Miss Howard Stern. KC said that he was nice to her but Howard wanted him to play along with him when he was talking to her. KC said he was just being honest. KC said if he was really into her he would have been a little warmer toward her.
Howard said that he got an e-mail about him being a fag as well. The guy said that the version of ''Wonderwall'' he was listening to yesterday just sucked. Howard thought it was good but Robin didn't like it either. Howard replayed it again and said he thought it was good. He heard it on ''Smallville'' the other night and downloaded it because he liked it so much. Howard said the guy probably gets laid like crazy singing that song. He said that chicks love songs like that. Artie asked who it was that was singing. Howard and Robin told him it's Ryan Adams. Robin said that there are a lot of gay sounding guys like John Mayer and Josh Grogin. Howard said that Dave Matthews sounds gay to him and he hates his stuff.
KC came in and said that Dave Matthews is ''awesome'' and Howard is all wrong about the guy. He said he has to bring in some of his stuff and play it for him. Howard said he likes him because he's gay. He played the gay song parodies again.
Howard tried singing his own version of ''Wonderwall'' while Fred played guitar. He sang it slow and gay just like Ryan Adams did. Howard screwed up the song at one point so Gary started to goof on both of them. Fred said that's the guy who sang ''Fly Like an Eagle'' (in the Karaoke contest). Howard played that awful performance and Robin's awful performance from the same contest. Howard said they're going to get to do that again out in Vegas. They're going to have Staind come out and perform the songs while they sing along with them. Howard took another break shortly after that.
Garver said that he'll be going out to Las Vegas when Howard and the guys go there in April. Howard told Gary not to bring his brother this time because he was a problem last year. He was going around claiming to be the E! show producer or something like that and the real producer, Doug Goodstein, over heard him and had to put a stop to that.
Howard said he's going to have the Bowling room at the Hard Rock so they're going to go out and get some homeless guys to play Homeless Bowling. Howard said they'll bet on them.
Garver got in a couple more plugs for his radio show and told Howard who sponsored it and how they're going to get singles together. Howard thought that was pretty odd since he can't even get a date. Howard wrapped up the call a short time later.
Howard said that they're talking about starting a whole Lingerie football league because the pay-per-view event went better than they expected. Howard said the only reason it did well was because of his show.
Howard had more clips of Amy Weber talking about how impressed and surprised she is with the girls playing the game. Howard tuned in at half time during the Super Bowl but the game was almost over by that point. He said that his ex-girlfriend Angie was playing and complaining about how the other team was cheating. He played a clip of Angie yelling about the cheating and getting really pissed off. Howard and the guys goofed on that a little bit. Howard said that was her ''Howard Dean moment.'' Howard played the Howard Dean clip to compare it to Angie's freak out. They also threw in Sal the Stockbroker's (HorseToothJackass.com) prank call where he used Howard Dean clips to try and book an airline flight.
Howard said Angie was wearing her helmet and had a mouth piece in as she was yelling about that stuff. Howard also had some clips of Lawrence Taylor yelling at a referee during the game as well. Artie said he was embarrassed for him after hearing that.
Howard played a special Valentine's day song that some guy sent in for Robin. He was hearing it for the first time himself. They both seemed to find it pretty funny. The delay was hit during the song for some reason. It was called ''Can I Feel Your Muff Tonight.''
Howard played one last clip from the Lingerie Bowl where a girl was crying about how they'd just won the game. Robin said she was sorry she missed that. Artie said the same thing.
A woman called in and said that she's getting married later this year and their relationship is pretty open. She said the only problem is that he wants to get oral during his bachelor party. She wondered if that is considered cheating or not. Howard told her that if she knows about it ahead of time, it's not cheating. The woman said she wants someone to video tape it so she can see it. That might help her get over it. She also said that the guy has a problem with her getting oral from someone else without him being there. She said even if it's a woman giving her oral he doesn't want her to do it without him being there. Howard wasn't surprised by that. He told her that's just what guys are like. He told the woman that her man getting oral is just like him blowing his nose. He said it's something a guy has to do.
Howard asked her what they're doing getting married. She said she's doing it because she wants to spend the rest of her life together. She said they've already had kids and they're doing everything backwards. Howard wished her luck with the wedding. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard had tape of the congresswoman who confronted Mel Karmazin at the indecency hearings about what went on at the Super Bowl. Howard said that Mel just sat there and let the woman lecture him. He said he thinks that these people just want to get on TV and be seen lecturing people. She was in tears as she talked about how her 4th grade son saw the half time show where Janet Jackson's breast was exposed. Howard pointed out that this is the same woman who voted for there to be less of a wait for guns in her home state of New Mexico. Howard read a few things about this woman and some of the things she's done wrong during her career. Howard said that she has received money from the NRA and she's going to be investigated for that.
Howard also said that if she doesn't want to see that stuff on TV, she doesn't have to have a TV. He said she could just get rid of the TV. Howard said he enjoys seeing stuff like that on TV. Robin pointed out that they claim to have gotten 200,000 complaints about the Super Bowl thing but that's really not that many people.
Howard played the tape of this congresswoman, Heather Wilson, where she cries while talking to Mel Karmazin. She brought up the ''farting horses'' and some of the other stuff that she heard about. Howard also doesn't believe what the woman was saying about what she and her son talked about. Howard said that this was this woman's big moment and it's the performance of a lifetime.
Howard said that she claims to be worried about children but also made it easier to get guns into the hands of ''responsible'' adults. He also pointed out that CBS hired a G-rated performer, Janet Jackson, not a porn star like Jenna Jameson. Howard said if he could confront this woman about this, he'd ask her if she brings Playboy or Penthouse into her home. When she says she doesn't, he'd ask her why she brings a TV into her house. She has control over that stuff. He said that she just can't deal with something that other people enjoy.
Howard said that CBS paid a billion dollars for the rights to air the Super Bowl. He said that they covered the game really well and there's no way she could do anything like that. She was complaining about how Mel knew what he was doing and how he just wanted to ''line his pockets'' and ''improve his market share'' with stuff like that. Howard said that's what they're trying to do... make money. That's what the company is there to do.
Howard said that this woman lines her pockets just as much. He read about some of the places that give her money and how she's taking money from and how she's a big, lying hypocrite. Gary came in and said that they had tape of another congressman yelling about Kid Rock wearing the American Flag like a poncho. Howard continued to play Heather Wilson audio and said that he can't wait until the FCC takes him off the air. He said he'd be honored by that. He said that Wilson is a complete filthbag and a scumbag.
King of All Blacks called in and told Howard that he really has to go to Los Angeles and confront this woman on Bill Maher's show. Howard said he hopes that Maher does some research and confronts this woman on the stuff that he brought up. Howard told everyone what he would say to Wilson if he was on the show and could confront her. He'd ask her about why she has a TV in her house and he'd also ask her about how much money she took from the NRA.
Howard had tape of another guy talking about CBS. He compared the Janet Jackson thing to running over a skunk with a car because you can't get rid of the stink after you run over a skunk. He only played a little bit of it before bailing out about it and saying that it was disgusting.
A listener called in and told Howard about something that was censored just before King of all Black's call. Gary came in and said that Tom was taking the blame for the button hit. Gary said it had something to do with a double reference to a woman's private parts and the growth on it. Howard said he'll never get taken off the air if Tom keeps hitting the button on him. He said he'd love to go to court over the phrase ''Hairy Beaver'' if the FCC pulled him off for that.
Howard got back to Heather Wilson's ridiculous complaints about farting horses. He and Artie said they feel sorry for her son having to grow up in her house. Howard said that she's a sick, sick woman and she must be mentally sick. He said they have some fun stuff coming up next. They have Victoria Zdrok and Courtney Taylor coming in to play a game where a listener may get to feel them up. Howard went to break right after that. Find out more about Heather Wilson here: WilsonWatch.org
Howard said that they had Victoria Zdrok and Courtney Taylor coming in to play this game. He said that she's the hottest Penthouse Pet he's ever seen. Howard said there was something kind of odd in one of her pictures. She has a very enlarged private part area. He said he'd talk to her about that later.
This guy Jim came in and said that he's the one who called in about having an anal fistula operation. Howard spoke to him for a few seconds and then had the guys bring in Victoria Zdrok and Courtney Taylor. Howard said Victoria gave her a picture of her mother, sister and herself all topless. She said that you can get that picture at FleshCards.com. Courtney also came in and Howard said she had a weird tan going on. She's on the latest cover of Penthouse. Howard said that her boobs weren't tan but the rest of her was. She said she had a towel on when she went to a tanning booth.
Howard asked Victoria about how ''well hung'' she is. She ended up saying the word that Howard was trying to avoid so the delay had to be hit. Howard showed Robin the picture of Victoria's private parts and she seemed very surprised at how large it was. Howard said he might run away from that if he saw it. Howard said that she's super hot but it might not be a great idea to show stuff that graphic.
Howard read a few other things about her. She claims that she head that Hugh Hefner likes to watch gay porn sometimes. She said she learned that from Playmates she has interviewed. Victoria also claims to have dated Donald Trump but Trump claims that he doesn't remember her. Victoria said that she has pictures with him though. She said that he asked her out on a date after seeing her picture somewhere. She didn't like him because he was so self consumed though. She said she didn't sleep with him. She said that he did move in on her in his limo but she didn't go for it. She said she eventually figured out that he wasn't going to give her the campaign that he was talking to her about.
Howard asked Victoria about something that happened with Mike Tyson. She said she was at the AVN awards (Adult Video News) and Mike just started kissing her when he saw her. She said that he was eating a gross sandwich at the time when he kissed her. She said that he also pulled her top down and started humping her from the back while someone videotaped it. She said they have one of those Flesh Cards with the video on it.
Victoria said that Courtney didn't find her big private parts to be like a man's penis. The two of them talked about how they hooked up for a Penthouse shoot and did some stuff after that. Victoria and Courtney told Howard about the video they shot for Penthouse. They even kissed for Howard when he asked them to. Howard asked them about what they did in the video and after the video. The girls said that they hung out in a room one time and just ended up doing stuff to each other. They gave Howard details about what they did and said that they'll be friends for life after that.
Howard gave the girls a plug for a singles auction they'll be at tomorrow. You can find out more about that at WebsterHall.com. He then moved on to the game. He told Jimmy, the first contestant, what the rules were. He has to answer her questions and if he gets them right, the gets to feel her up. He had to choose between Victoria and Courtney. He picked Courtney.
She asked a question that was too filthy and the delay was hit. Howard had to have her ask a normal question so she asked ''What is the Capital of Michigan?'' Jim got it wrong so he didn't get to feel her breasts. He had another question for the chance to squeeze her ass. Courtney asked him ''What team won the NBA championship in 1989?'' He didn't know that one either. Howard thought that was it for the guy but he was the only one who showed up so Victoria offered to let him play.
Howard let Victoria ask a question. She asked ''What does G-spot stand for?'' Jim thought about it but didn't know the answer. Victoria was naked by this point but Jim didn't know the correct answer. Howard said he wanted to answer because he wanted to feel up Victoria again like he did a couple of months ago. Victoria was trying to be nice and told Howard that if the first caller he picked up knew the right answer. The guy on the phone didn't know the right answer either.
Howard had Courtney stand up and show off her ass. Howard said she has the nicest ass he's seen other than Victoria's. Jim ended up cursing again and had the delay hit on him so Howard had to kick him out. Victoria told Howard and the guys what the G-spot stood for. She said that it was named after this guy Graffenberg.
Howard was ready to play the game with Victoria but she wouldn't get completely naked. She kept her bottoms on. She told Howard that if he wins, he gets to put Courtney over his lap and spank her. Howard thought about that for a minute and wondered what else he could do. He said he wanted to squeeze Victoria's boob as well so she agreed to that. Howard had to kick KC out of there when he suggested that they be allowed to draw private parts on their asses with a marker if they win.
Howard was first up. He didn't want Benjy to even get to play. Victoria asked Howard what the best selling porn video of all time was. Howard thought about it for a minute and said that it was the ''Devil and Ms. Jones.'' Howard also guessed ''Behind the Green Door.'' Neither answer was correct. Gary was up next and he tried to get the right answer. He said ''Debbie Does Dallas.'' Artie ended up getting it right when he said ''Deep Throat.'' Howard didn't believe that was the right answer.
Artie got to spank Courtney and feel up Victoria's boob. Howard spent a minute talking to Courtney and Victoria. The delay was hit a couple of times for some reason so there was quite a bit of missed conversation there. He then had Artie spank Courtney. He whacked her ass pretty hard. Howard had her saying stuff like ''I've been a bad girl daddy.'' Artie wanted her to say ''I want to make you a sandwich.'' Howard told Artie to have her say ''I Want Howard'' but when she said it she didn't mean it so he had him keep spanking her.
Artie also got to squeeze Victoria's boob. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He said that both of the girls were stunning women. He let them get in a couple of plugs for their web sites SexyCourtney.com and PlanetVictoria.com. He went to commercial right after that. You can also get Victoria's stuff at GameLink and Courtney's stuff as well.
Howard moved on to the game shortly after that discussion so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard said that there's a $10,000 prize being put up for a new game of ''It's Just Wrong'' for a father/daughter team. He said if you're interested in playing you should give them a call at 1-800-44-STERN. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard said that Courtney seemed a little calmer today but she said she was just pretending to be that way for Howard. At one point Courtney said that she and Howard are very much alike. Howard said that's not true and they're nothing alike. Howard continued to try and talk to her but she was still interrupting him. Howard said that she thinks that she's been hurt, damaged and all kinds of stuff. He said he doesn't know what happened to her and he didn't want to talk to her about that. Courtney told Howard that it all happened back in October.
Courtney started to talk about that stuff but Howard cut her off and told her that losing her kid was her own fault. He was going to talk to her about that but Courtney stopped him and brought up the court stuff that's going on now. Howard and Robin were talking about how she lost her daughter but Courtney said she didn't lose her, she just can't sleep at her own house for a couple of weeks.
Courtney kept telling Howard that he wasn't going to be mean to her or she'd hang up on him. Howard said that he wants to do an intervention and the worst thing that could happen is that Courtney would hate him and not call him anymore. Howard tried to do his Judge Stern bit again with her like he did yesterday. He asked her, as a judge, how she was going to be responsible while she was on probation. She sarcastically told Howard that she would stop being a rock star and she soul sit home and bake pies all day long. Howard told her that her sarcastic attitude was going to kill her court case. Howard wanted to drop the whole thing after that. He tried to tell her what she should do to save herself in this court case and how she can hold on to her daughter. He would tell her something and she'd come back with a comment that would just blow her case if she said something like that in court. Howard predicted that court will be a disaster for her.
Howard gave Courtney a plug for her new album ''America's Sweetheart'' but she wanted to talk about other stuff. Howard told her that he's worried about her and needs someone strong in her life. He asked her if she's getting any man meat. She said that she had a crush for a few weeks but she's over that already. Howard told her that she'd better show up for court the next time she's supposed to be there. He told her to just keep her mouth shut in court and not say a word. He had her practice and she was able to keep quiet for a few seconds. He wrapped up the call shortly after that and said goodbye to Courtney. Robin started her news after that.