Howard and the crew returned from their week long vacation. Howard said that people hate when they take that time off. He also said that people thought that he took the time off to get his colonoscopy. He said that he just scheduled it for that vacation week. He went on to talk about how that experience was. He said the stuff he had to take to clean himself out wasn't as bad as he thought. He said that the phospho-soda makes you crap the day before. He said you have to take more the same day and mixed it with apple juice. He said it wasn't too bad and he was emptied out by the time he got to the doctor. He said he was groggy from the drugs they gave him so he slept through it. Then he said they had to pump air into his colon. The Doctor told him he was going to fart quite a bit after the procedure. He said that he ripped a fart that lasted about a full minute after it was done. He said he realized that he nurses were out there hearing all of that.
Howard said he didn't crap for two days after that. He also said that the colonoscopy wasn't that big of a deal. They didn't find a thing in his colon. He wasn't in that much pain after it either and he was able to go out shopping the same day. He and Robin discussed the drugs they give and how you don't really know what happens to you. Howard said he was knocked out within a short time when they gave him the IV.
A listener called in and complained about Howard taking time off. Howard said it can't be about work all the time and he has to take vacation. Howard let that guy go shortly after that.
Howard said Leno asked him if he's mad that he's taking John. Howard said he asked Jay how much more material he's going to steal from his show. He said that Jay acted like he didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said he told Leno that he stole the idea of sending out some wacky guy to ask questions on a red carpet to celebrities. Jay told him that Steve Allen used to do that stuff. Howard said he asked Jay about the homeless game and how he stole that idea as well but Leno said that Steve Allen did that as well. Howard said that Jay just couldn't admit that he's stealing this stuff from him. Howard wondered why he doesn't get Gary the Retard to be his band leader.
Howard said he told Leno that he can't get 18-25 year old men to watch his show and what he's trying to do is get John, from his show, to get that audience. Howard said he told Leno that his show is lame and gay and he can't develop his own people. Howard said that Leno also said he heard how John wasn't getting paid that well on the show. Howard said he told Jay that he was going to give Jay a list of what he pays people on his show so he can take care of all of them as well. He said he also found out that the previous announcer, Edd Hall, used to be Letterman's production guy which was kind of weird.
Howard said this move (hiring John) was as weird as Jay hiding in a closet and spied on some NBC executives. Howard said Jay asked him if they're still going to be friends. Howard said they were never friends so, no, they're not going to be friends. He said he told him that he's the gayest, lamest guy on the planet. He said he doesn't care what he does but he looks like a stupid ass. He also said that John gets these jobs where he doesn't have to do anything and he's the luckiest guy around.
Howard said that Jay has stolen like 20 elements from his show but won't admit it. He said that the head writer from the show might as well have a funnel from the show to his ass. Gary came in and said that he heard that Howard and Jay had worked things out and were going to ride the wave of publicity. Howard said that Jay called him again and asked him if he wanted to do his show to talk about this stuff. Howard said he's going to talk about it on his own show and not do Leno's show.
Howard said that John could have come to him before taking that job to try and get more money. John came in a short time later to talk about it. Howard said that John's whole attitude has changed since this happened. He said he went to Atlantic City with John and John was mouthing off to the dealers down there. John didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said that John kept asking him if he was mad at him. John said that he heard that Howard, Gary and Fred were mad at him and he was hearing it all from Scott DePace from E!. John said that heard that Scott had spoken to someone and they told him that those people were mad at John.
John said that he heard that DePace had spoken to Scott Einziger and told him that those people were mad at him. DePace said he had spoken to Einziger but he said he didn't tell him about that stuff. John also heard some other things about how he wanted to punch Gary or something. Howard told John that he's the most paranoid person around. He said he and John spoke last weekend and went to Atlantic City after the discussion. He said he doesn't have a problem with John. He said that he has a problem with Jay. He said that he saw that Jay is losing 18-25 year old males in the ratings and he's going to try and steal some of that back from Jimmy Kimmel's show. He said he'll never get that back though because he's lame.
Gary asked John about his new deal and asked him if his deal is a multi-year deal. John said it is a multi-year deal but he's not actually allowed to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about it but Gary kept asking him questions. John wasn't talking though. Howard said he doesn't get why it's John that they're hiring. John said they liked him when he did the show back when he did ''I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here.'' Howard said he doesn't know why they don't get their own guy to be an announcer.
John said that he was offered a job as a correspondent on the Tonight Show about a year ago and he tried to talk to Howard about it but he wouldn't take a meeting. John said he didn't want to go through Gary because he screws things up sometimes. John actually did go through Gary the first time and Gary told him he wouldn't be able to do both shows. John dropped it after talking to Gary and Robin and never met with Howard about it. Howard told John that he has to go though Gary to get meetings with him. John said he tried going directly to Howard through Laura but Howard doesn't want him doing that.
John and Howard argued about that whole thing for a few minutes. John said that he was hurt that Howard wouldn't take a meeting with him. Howard said that he could have spoken to him after that but John said he was too hurt to do that. Howard eventually told John that he's going to be sad to see John leave the show. John said that he's going to miss him as well.
Howard said that people are already sending him e-mail about how Jay is always stealing his stuff and he's always going to be lame and gay. Howard also said that he hopes that Jay isn't going to mislead John and make him think that he's going to be his Ed McMahon or something. Howard said he told Jay that he hopes he doesn't screw John because once he leaves his show, he won't have a job to come back to. Howard said he heard that Edd Hall was fired, he didn't quit. Gary said he's heard that Jay turns his back on people and could screw John over like he's done to other people.
Gary asked John a bunch of questions about how he'll be treated on the show and whether or not he'll be flying first class when he goes out to do stuff. John said they fly him first class everywhere. John said that he's not even allowed to stutter when he does the announcing. Howard had tape of John practicing his announcing in the studio there at the station. John said that Scott the Engineer was supposed to erase the tape. Howard said they don't erase anything there. John said he told Scott to erase that tape but the guys pointed out that he'd be laughing his ass off if it was someone else.
Artie said he's known about this stuff for a while because John wanted someone to talk to about it. He said he thinks that Jay is kind of weird to do something like that though. John seemed to take some offense to what he was saying but Howard pointed out that they were talking about what a douche Jay Leno is. They weren't saying anything about John. Howard said they know what this is really about and how they're just calling John an ''announcer.'' They also continued to talk about how John could have gone to Howard to talk to him about this job. He kept it a secret until he got the job with Leno's show.
Howard said that John has been with them for 15 years and he's been answering phones for most of that time. John said that he also writes jokes and bits as well though. Howard and John continued to argue about who was right about the stuff they were talking about. Gary was also saying that he was sitting next to a millionaire. John said he never told anyone what he's making and he doesn't know where they're getting that figure from.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and congratulated John on his new job. He had some things to say about Jay though. He said he can't figure out why Jay would hire him and then not have John do what he does best... Stuttering and man on the street interviews. Howard said that they have an edgy, hip show and shows like Leno's are trying to get the same audience but they don't do the edgy thing. Howard went on to talk about how Jay won't know what to do with John and it's bizarre. He said that Jay is a complete sell out and a rip off artist.
John pointed out that he won't have to get up so early to do the show. Gary said that his comedy show price will probably go up as well but Artie said that he doesn't think that's the case. Howard had to wrap up this discussion because he'd gone so long on this stuff. Howard and Robin said they're going to miss John when he leaves. John said something about Robin crying when he spoke to her off the air. She said that she is going to miss him. Howard went to commercial break shortly after that.
Howard went on to talk about their week long vacation. He said it seemed like a month. He said he had a Valentine's day party for about 200 people on Valentine's day weekend. He rented a place called the Angel Orazon Center or something like that. He said that it was Beth's idea to do the party. Gary said that the array of guests was amazing. He said that Richard Belzer was there with Artie and Wood Yi. Howard said he thinks that Belzer was a little let down because he didn't see any famous people there. Howard said that Judith Regan seemed to be the same way and sat in a corner. Mary McCormack was also there but she had a great time.
Gary said that he didn't know that Howard knew Carol Miller. Howard said he met her at the radio station and when she got her invitation, she thought it was a goof and showed up to the place early in the afternoon to make sure it was a real place. Howard said he used to listen to Carol when he was a kid so he liked her and invited her to the party.
Howard said that Beth got dolled up and looked good. She had a couple of her model friends there as well. Robin said that Howard was even more drunk than Artie was at the party. Howard said that he has vodka and a splash of grapefruit juice to drink and that's why he got so plastered. He thought he only had about 5 of them but Robin thought they just kept coming. Howard said he was so drunk that he didn't remember singing karaoke. He actually blacked out and doesn't remember doing it. Luckily they have tape of him singing.
Gary said that Howard was thanking people for no good reason while he was up in front of everyone. Howard said that if you have a party, doing karaoke is a definite plus. He said that some of his friends ran out when it came time to sing.
He said that the guy who really ticked him off was Dominic Barbara. He was going to come to the party but canceled the day of the party after he'd asked for a certain song to perform to during Karoke. Howard said he also said something to his 11 year old daughter about how he didn't want to go to her father's sucky party. He said that Dominic is out of his life now.
Vinnie Favale called in again to talk about the party. He said he has video of Howard performing but it's really grainy because he used a little camera to record it. Gary said that John was throwing red hots at him and ended up hitting his wife instead. Howard said that his buddy Neil was calling him a ''faggot'' the whole time he was up there.
Howard was going to Atlantic City the next day. He said they went to the Borgata and had a great time. He said they have poker rooms in the place where you can play Texas Hold 'em. He said that's where they went and they had their own private game. Howard said he won a little bit playing that. Howard said that John and Richie are the most annoying guys at the table. Howard said he had to keep yelling at John and Richie because they weren't paying attention. Howard told Robin about one part where he had like two pair and John thought he had a flush. It turns out he had nothing.
Howard said he got wiped out playing Craps the next morning. Then he went and played another round of Texas Hold 'em with some real players and lost money there. Howard said that Artie was getting really wasted on Jack and water while he was there. Howard said that he had like 5 Jack and waters within 10 minutes while they were at one table.
Artie said that he was up like $4000 playing Blackjack but lost it all on one hand. He was just going to put down $2000 but he doubled down after getting an 8 and a 3. The dealer ended up winning and took his $4000.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he never said a word about the party to his daughter Ashley. Howard said that his daughter doesn't lie about stuff like that. Dominic also said that he didn't know that he was going down to Florida until that Friday. Howard told him he's off the show now but Dominic asked him not to be mad at him.
Howard said that he and Beth rehearsed a song before the party but when they got up on stage, Howard grabbed both microphones and wouldn't let her sing. Howard said he only has tape of himself and it's horrible. He had to take another break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard said over vacation he read Al Franken's book ''Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right.'' He said that in the first page Franken insults him but he can get past that. He said if you read the book you'll never vote for George Bush. He said Franken had a bunch of Harvard kids investigate stuff and it's great. He went on to say that he's had bad feelings about Bush since the FCC stuff went down. He also said that the economy thing is also a factor in that. He said he might be a ''anyone but Bush'' guy now. He said that even Ralph Nader running is a good idea.
Howard told Scott DePace from E! that he has to read Franken's book. DePace said that he will read it but he thinks that Bush is doing the right things at this point.
Robin told Howard that he'd have to expend all of the delays to get something out on the air now. Tom came in a short time later and told Howard that everyone else is pre-recorded so Howard is the only one on delay. He also said that they're on 4 delays and it's only a minute and a half delay. Howard said that Tom is now going through all of their bits and he just wants out now.
Howard said he went out to play golf during vacation and he's great at it. He never plays and he was able to whack that ball and was almost at par on every hold. Gary suggested that Howard play against Tom now. Howard said he'd do that and he's to be called ''Tiger Stern'' now. He said he probably won't play again because he wasn't into the game that much. He said he didn't lose a ball in the 4 holes he played. He said it is a waste of time. One hole he hit about 8 which may have been 3 over par.
Gary wondered what bits on the show might be banned from the show with these new rules. Tom said that they really do have to take this FCC stuff seriously now. Howard wondered if it was true that Tom would be fired if he gets fined. Howard said he's willing to take both of them down if that's what it takes to get fired. He said he's ready to go now. He said he thinks it's wrong that he can lose his job because the FCC thinks something is wrong. Tom said that the rules are really vague and hard to understand.
Gary said his father asked him what the rules were and he said he has no idea because they don't tell you what the rules are until you break them. It doesn't make any sense. Howard said the whole thing is really wacky and he really does want out. Someone suggested that Howard just yell out the F-word 15 times. Gary told Howard that they have a cart that they play if Howard goes too far so they can take him off the air.
Howard booted Scott out of the studio and played John's tape where he practices an announcement for the Tonight Show. John pronounces Pamela Anderson's name ''Pamaler.'' Howard played a bit more of the tape and goofed on Jay about how lame he is. Artie thought it was funny that the tape where John pronounces Pam Anderson's name ''Pamaler'' is the tape that got him the job. He's supposed to be a professional announcer.
Howard read a letter from Jimmy Kimmel who gave his thoughts on what Jay Leno is doing by taking John and so many other things from his show. Jimmy said putting John on the show would be like giving Biff Henderson (from Letterman's show) his own show. Jimmy also said that he's thinking about getting Benjy to be his band leader. Jimmy bashed Leno and said that they steal and intimidate his guests.
Howard said he had a conversation with Letterman over the weekend as well but he didn't want to talk about what they talked about off the air. He said that he'd tell Robin about it off the air though. Howard took another break shortly after that.
Howard said that they have to get a new stutterer for the show now. He said John the Stutterer might be available. Howard said a lot of people came out of the woodwork trying to get John's job. Robin wondered if Jackie the Jokeman was one of them. Howard and Gary said that Sal the Stockbroker, Chaunce Hayden and Penny Crone were just a few of the people who called.
Howard said they're thinking of actually doing something like ''The Apprentice'' where they'd actually let people do stuff to get on the show and they'd actually hire them for John's job. Gary said they'd call it ''Win John's Job.'' Howard said Leno will probably hire that person in a couple of years.
Rev. Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) sent in a roast of Stuttering John after hearing about his new job. Levy went off on John saying a lot of stuff about how much John sucks and how he'll be sucking dick in a year for burritos. Check out KingMegaSite.com to hear the roast.
Howard played more of Stuttering John's audition tape where he was trying to figure out what guests to introduce during the intro. Stuttering John came in and said he only sent one of the clips to the Tonight Show. He said he also went out there and did a bunch of them in person. Howard said he thought he was being Punk'd when he heard about this whole thing. John has a little bit of trouble with some names. He pronounced Nicolas Cage's name ''Nigolas.''
Howard went off on Leno again and wondered if he stole his jokes from people like he steals show ideas. Howard did his impression of Leno and made fun of how lame he is. Artie pointed out that if Leno had hired a stuttering guy it would look like he was stealing... but he's actually hiring the real Stuttering John for the job.
Howard said he wished that he'd taped his call with Leno. He said he called him lame and Jay still asked him if they were still going to be friends. He said that Jay even stole the excuse for stealing bits from Letterman. They both give credit to Steve Allen for doing some of the stuff they do today. Howard said he had to listen to Leno for an hour. He called him an untalented, asswipe jerk. He also said he told Jay that maybe he should have given him a call before offering him a job. He said if he'd done that it would have made a little more sense and maybe he would have understood it a little better.
Howard played more of John's audition tape where John tries to be a little more low key. He continued to use ''Nigolas Gage'' as one of the names. Howard said it sounded like ''nig*erless Gage'' and wondered why he would use that and Pamaler Anderson in the same sentence. He and Artie talked about Leno's lameness and how it's going to really look that way when John joins the show. Howard said that Jay kind of tried to blackmail him. He said he was going around saying good things about him in interviews and he would continue doing that if he wanted. Howard said he wouldn't care if someone as lame as him started to bad mouth him. Howard said he told Jay that he was handling it just fine already.
Howard said he'd like to see tape of Steve Allen doing the stuff that Jay is saying he did. Artie said that he watched Leno the night the news broke and he was doing an All Star Jay Walker game where they asked a few people questions that they couldn't answer.
Gary came in and said that John was yelling at Scott the Engineer about the tape he didn't erase. He said that John said something about how he has more money in his bank account than Scott will ever have in his life. John came in a minute later and said he never said that. Scott also came in and told John to just go off to L.A. and enjoy himself. John explained to Howard that they have things that they talk about off the air and this tape that Scott kept was one of those things. He said Scott gave him his word that he would erase it and now he's shown that he's a liar. Scott ended up doing an impression of John saying ''nig*erless Gage'' and ''Pamaler Anderson.''
Stuttering John said that he has a big thing planned for his last days this week. He said he's concentrating on Scott the Engineer. John pointed out that Scott makes $60,000 a year and still complains about what a prick Tom is. Scott said he's going to apply to Jimmy Kimmel and Letterman's show to see if he can get a job. He said if John can get a job then anyone on the show should be able to get a job with one of those shows. Scott wondered how long it'll be before Leno fires John. John wondered if Scott will die of cancer before he gets fired. Artie said that doing cancer jokes might not be something that the Tonight Show would like him making fun of. John said that cancer isn't a funny thing and he doesn't want anyone to die of cancer.
Howard kicked Scott and John out of the studio and played a little more of John's audition tape. Howard joked that Jay is going to hire Gary the Retard to be the band leader but they won't call him Gary the Retard. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard moved on to Rob who weighed 335 pounds when he started. He has changed his eating habits as well. The guys are competing to win a ''date'' with a porn star and $10,000. He hopped on the scale and weighed in at 315 pounds. He didn't lose quite as much as Tomas. He said that he's working out 1 to 2 hours a day. Howard said 20 pounds in 2 weeks is still really good though. They have 6 more weeks left in the contest so there's plenty of time to lose the weight.
Howard joked that Leno will be doing this bit any day now. Fred did his impression of John doing the announcing and goofed on that whole thing for a few seconds. Howard brought in Jeff Cesario a short time later as Fred did his John impression yelling out his name.
Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about the final episode of ''Sex and the City'' that aired last night. Howard said he thought that it was pretty good for a final episode. They all talked about some of the stuff that happened in that episode and how some of the characters are losing their looks.
Howard asked Jeff if he's heard from Garry Shandling lately. Jeff said he's heard nothing but didn't seem that upset about it. Howard said he feels kind of responsible about that because it was stuff he said on his show that may have created the bad blood between Jeff and Gary.
Robin told Howard that he really has to play a round of golf with Tom (Chiusano) after playing a few holes for the first time the other day. Howard said he will play against him, it wasn't that hard to play.
During the news Jeff the Drunk called in and joked that he has to stop doing the show because Jay Leno just offered him a job on his show. Howard told him he has to do what he has to do. Stuttering John also came in and said that he just got a call from Scott Salem's wife who was upset that he'd wished cancer on Scott. John said he had to apologize for that but Gary told Howard that John said he took that back but wished AIDS on him instead. Howard had to kick John out so he could get back to the news.
Howard started off the show talking about this Airborn stuff that apparently stops colds before they really get started. He said it's one of his sponsors and the stuff actually seems to be working for him. He said he had a sore throat yesterday and has been taking the stuff to stop it. Artie said he might have to take it because he has a sore throat himself. Howard said it's amazing that Artie can even walk. He went on to say that he was down in Jacksonville, Florida during vacation and thought it was warmer than it was down there so he wasn't dressing warm enough.
Howard said that he eats like a pig when he's sick. Last night Beth made him some turkey burgers and he ate a couple of those. He said Beth can cook well so Artie and Robin were wondering if he's going to get married eventually. Howard said in his universe there's no such thing as marriage.
Howard told Robin that when he got into this pension plan he's in now, he read that if he gets married he has to share that plan with the wife. He said that was just another reason not to get married. He said he's already paying until he's in his grave. Stuttering John came in a minute later and asked Howard about a rumor he heard about Howard and Beth. John said that Gary told him that Beth has moved in with Howard. Howard said that Beth's apartment blew up, literally, so he let her move in until she finds something.
Howard said the floor above her in the apartment she was living in fell on her stuff and ruined it. Howard said Beth has had a key to his apartment since he got his dog Bianca. He's still saying that she's not technically moved in with him though. She's going to look for a new apartment but she's staying with him in the meantime. Howard said he has 7 years to get her out of there before it's a common law marriage.
Robin said that at Howard's big Valentine's Day party he said that his friend Ross and his girlfriend Melissa were engaged... and they're not. They spent a couple of minutes on that.
Howard said that he's all over the newspapers about his rants about Jay Leno yesterday. He said that John Mainelli wrote an article about his thoughts on the FCC thing and thought he didn't say all that much about it. Howard said he thought he did talk about it a bit. He also said that he heard that Mel (Karmazin) said that he's a special case and people shouldn't worry about him as much as the rest of the people in the company. Howard said that it's a joke now because they hit the delay on him about 10 times yesterday.
Howard changed subjects for a minute and said that Regis' ''Super Millionaire'' was a smash hit the other night. He said people really liked the comeback.
Howard quickly mentioned that they've changed the dates for their trip to Las Vegas. Now they're going the second week in May instead of the last week in April.
Howard tried to talk about the stuff that was dumped out during the show yesterday but the delay was getting hit again on some of it. Tom came in and told Howard that they were going to dump out of it again but Howard thought he had it under control. Howard said that he thinks that it's time for him to get out of there and he's going to offer his resignation to Mel when he meets with him this week. He said it's time to move on to Satellite radio and revolutionize that.
Howard said that the stuff they were censoring out of the show yesterday was ridiculous and he really wants to get out of there. He said he's going to leave it to pioneers like Jay Leno to entertain them. Howard said that they've lost the fight and it's time to retreat. Tom told Howard that they're in a retreat right now but they'll eventually move forward to win the battle. Howard joked about how they were going to give the FCC an F-Bomb or something like that.
Howard said that he's now going to vote for anyone but Bush in the Presidential election. He said he's voting out of self preservation. Gary came in a minute later and said that the delay was getting hit on a lot of the conversation they were having. Tom said ''No'' but it was obvious that the delay was building as the show sounded like it was under water for 5 minutes straight.
Gary told Howard about some of the stuff that was getting bleeped out of the conversation he was having with Tom. Gary said it had something to do with talk about the congresswoman that Benjy made the sex tape about. Howard just said ''I'm so out of here.''
Howard complained about the guy who does the censoring of the show for a little while. Gary came in and told Howard that the date he was looking for about the date of his meeting with Mel is March 8th. Howard said that he thought it had been changed. Howard said that they actually rand a delay on The Best of Stern while they were on vacation. He said that stuff is on tape and they were using a delay on that. A listener called in and complained that the show was being hacked up like crazy down in Philadelphia. Howard said that they have 5 delays on him in New York and then every affiliate station has their own delay to cut out anything possibly dirty so you won't hear anything.
Howard said that while they were on vacation they put up the $5000 to get back the Philly Phanatic mascot head and it eventually came back but they didn't get any credit for it. He said he'd talk about that more later. Howard spent a little more time complaining about Dead Air Dave who censors his show. He said that being a censor isn't going to get him anywhere in his career.
Gary said that Tom and Dead Air Dave have to call a lawyer after the show and go over what they hit the delay on every day. Howard said that it's like the three stooges hitting the button. Howard and Robin figure Dave just hits it on everything so he doesn't have to deal with Tom if he misses something.
Gary asked him if he's fallen off the wagon at all during that time. Tom sounded guilty and just wanted Howard to take a break. He said he never said he fell off the wagon but it sounded like he could have been hiding something. Stuttering JOhn said that he thinks Tom may have given it up because it was like Lent where he gave up something after winning his battle against cancer. Howard said he thinks that he was thinking he was doing it a little too much and it was taking away from the time he was spending with his wife. Howard said that he was probably thinking it was like cheating in a way because he was thinking about other women. Tom said that was part of it.
Robin said that Tom still looks at other women though and he looks at nudie magazines. Tom said he loves women and he likes looking at that stuff but he doesn't do anything to himself when it comes to that. Howard said that he would never stop himself from doing that himself. He can't imagine stopping that. Howard and John asked Tom about it again and found out that Tom hasn't fallen off the wagon as far as that goes.
John was still thinking that it's some kind of Christian guilt thing that is keeping Tom from pleasuring himself. Howard said it's the cheating thing that's in Tom's mind. John asked Howard if that's the guy he wants censoring his show with that much anger built up inside of him. Howard said he doesn't want anything to do with that. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard played the tape and both Howard and Beth were singing horribly. Howard said he thought it was cute. Howard was completely plastered during the performance. They actually started the same song (They Long to be (Close to You)) for a second time and sang it again. Howard was cursing a bit and singing some of Beth's parts. Howard and Beth left halfway through the song and as Howard was getting off the stage he said he had to go because he had to pee. For some reason they continued to sing though. Howard said he's never been so loose musically. He said he had no idea that it happened at all because he was so drunk.
Howard said he had about 20 vodkas in him at that point. He took some phone calls after that and a guy asked how the fans could get to see stuff like this. Howard told the guy that the Vegas shows are open to the public. Those are taking place on May 11th, 12th and 13th.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a new step-sister who's like 31 years old and pretty hot. He said that he's gotten to know her lately and they eventually fooled around with each other. He said they eventually had sex and the guy said that one of the times he didn't use protection. He said that he's afraid that he knocked her up. Howard told him that she could just get an abortion. The guy said that she's against abortion. Howard said that they're not blood related but it would be embarrassing for the step-sister to admit that she'd slept with him. He put the guy on hold and said he wants to talk to the chick tomorrow.
Gary came in with some more tape of the Karaoke thing. It was Gary singing on stage while Stuttering John was laughing hysterically. The quality of the tape was bad so Howard bailed out on it.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people goof on him about the whole Karoke thing. One caller told Howard that Bubba the Love Sponge was off the air this morning and they were playing music instead down in Florida. Howard said that there will probably be a lot of guys getting fired because of this FCC crap that's going on. Howard said if you want to get some DJs fired, just send tape of them talking about something remotely dirty and send it to Michael Powell at the FCC. That's his job, he's a public servant and he'll do what it takes to get rid of these guys.
One listener asked Howard what we can do to get rid of the FCC problem. Howard said that the first thing we have to do is get rid of George W. Bush. He said we have to write to their congressmen and senators about how sick we are of the censorship in this country. Howard also suggested that if people don't want this stuff on their radios and TVs then they should get rid of their TV. He said that no one forced anyone to buy a TV.
Howard played another Jay Leno bit where Jay was stealing yet another person from his show. This time it was Vinnie Favale and they used his love tapes as Vinnie's responses to Jay. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard said they're selling these tapes at the rate of 50,000 a day! Howard introduced Rick Solomon who's in the tape. He said that the tape is only good for 5 viewings. Howard said that Rick and his brother set up the web site (TrustFundGirls.com) so it's not here in the US. It's not really being sold in the US and it's all a legal maneuver. He told Howard how the tape was originally stolen from him. Now he's suing a bunch of people over what was said about that original video that was released.
Howard said that he could never do this to a girl that he slept with. Rick said he took the blame for the first tape and wasn't going to release this tape but he took so much blame already, he decided to let it out. Rick also said that he once showed the tape to Pamela Anderson when she came over to his place one night. Howard had tape of Pam commenting on the tape when she was on the show recently. She thought that Rick may have released it himself but she wasn't sure. She also thought it was kind of creepy but Rick told Howard that she enjoyed it the night he showed the tape.
Rick told Howard that Paris Hilton knew that some of their friends would see the tape so it wasn't that big of a deal for him to show it around. Howard said that he'd never show his penis to anyone so he'd never show a sex tape like that.
Howard and Robin noticed that Rick was kind of fidgeting around so they asked him if he was high or something. Rick said that he's been sober for 11 months now. He claims he was doing coke for a while but he's clean now.
Rick said that he has another celebrity sex tape coming out soon but it doesn't star Paris Hilton. He didn't say who it was. Rick said there are a few tapes of Paris that he has and he's not sure he wants to put those out. He said they will just put out other celebrity tapes through the TrustFundGirls.com web site.
Rick told Howard that he's pretty sure that he had sex with Paris on the first night he met her. He said that's the way he works with most of the women he's dated. Howard also asked Rick about his marriage to Shannon Dougherty. Rick said that they had their marriage annulled after a year or so. He said that she was a special girl and didn't have anything bad to say about her. Howard said that she's said some nasty things about him though.
Robin wondered what Rick did for a living. He said that he used to be a professional gambler and sold art. He said he just had money and bet on sports. He also said that he was a huge drug dealer until he was about 20 years old. Then he took that and put it into sports betting. Gary came in and said that he heard that Rick was a bookie. Rick said that wasn't true though.
Howard asked Rick about the 50,000 downloads a day. Rick told him that it's not 50,000 downloads, it's 50,000 visits a day. He said he's not sure how many copies of the video he's sold. Howard found that hard to believe though.
Howard asked Rick about his gambling and how he made his money. Rick said that he won a $250,000 bet one time. He told Howard and Artie about that bet and Artie said he's never hit something like that before.
Howard read that Rick was with Shanon Elizabeth at one time but he said he didn't date her, she threw a drink on him one time. Howard asked him about some of the other women he's been rumored to be with. He's been with Nicole Lens and another hot model by the name of Devin. Howard asked him which one was the best out of all of them. Rick said that they all had good attributes but Devin would be out because she didn't have much sexually going on. She was very young at the time. Rick said that Nicole was very sexual but Paris wasn't all that sexual. He said she was more into the camera. Rick also said that Shanon was really fun (the delay was being hit a few times by this point). Howard seemed surprised that it was Shanon. Rick told Howard about some other famous chicks he banged as well and that seemed to surprise him even more. Rick said that he doesn't have a rap or anything so it's all about the introductions.
Howard took some phone calls for Rick and let some people ask some questions. One caller asked Rick about going in a hot tub with Pamela Anderson naked one time. Rick said he thought about it but this 300 pound woman hopped in and spoiled the mood. He said there were a couple of people in the tub naked that day. Jeff the Drunk called in but the delay was hit on him. Some other callers asked to smell his fingers and stuff like that. One guy asked Rick if he's been with any black or hispanic women. Rick said that he's had some black women but no one famous.
Gary came in and said that Rick hinted in his pre-interview that he may have banged some other famous chicks. Rick said that he did date Drew Barrymore. He said he was about 20 and she was about 15 at the time. Howard wondered if she was wild in bed. Rick said that she was cool but that was 15 years ago. He didn't have any other famous names to add to that list though.
Howard asked Rick if he's done the Olsen Twins yet. Rick said that he doesn't find them all that attractive and he hasn't tried for them. He said that he'd like to get Christina Aguilera. He said he's been seeing a few girls from his past and there's really just one at this point. He said that she's famous but wouldn't say who she is. He said she's married and doesn't want to give up her name. He said he's pretty sure she's pretty unhappily married. Howard asked him if it's Jessica Simpson. It wasn't her so Howard asked him if it's Kelly Preston. Rick said he wishes that it was her, but it's not.
Howard changed subjects and said that J-Lo is sick in the head. He talked about all of the guys she's been with and that she's now apparently with singer Marc Anthony. She just broke up with Ben Affleck so he wondered why she can't wait five minutes before dating someone else.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said he thinks Paris has to be in on this whole sex tape thing. He said it came out right before her TV show started. Howard thinks Ralph is wrong about that though. The guys tried to get more out of Rick about the chick he's dating but he wasn't giving out any info about her. He said he hasn't taped her yet. Ralph said that this guy is a low life but he wants to see the tape. He was saying that he was sleezy for putting out the tape but Rick said that he didn't put out the first tape. Rick admitted that he might be sleezy but he was being blamed for stuff before he put out the second tape. He also talked about how he got cut out of his father's will because no one likes him.
Stuttering John came in and said that they heard that there's a Neve Campbell video out there and that's the one that Rick is going to bring out next. Rick said that's not true but he has heard that a tape exists. He said he'd like to see something like that.
Howard said he feels bad for Paris Hilton's parents. He said they're nice people. Gary came in a minute later with a list of women that they were wondering if Rick ever got. He mentioned a list of women and Rick said no to all of them. The names included:
Howard said he saw this question on the web. It's about this woman who goes to the funeral for her mother. She meets the guy of her dreams but didn't get his number or name. A few days later she kills her sister. So what's the motive for killing her sister? Robin didn't get it so Howard told the guys to just give a guess as to why she'd do such a thing. Each of the guys had a theory. Howard listened to each one and then read the answer. Scott the Engineer had come up with an answer where he said that the woman wanted the guy to show up at the second funeral since she didn't get the guy's phone number. Howard then read that this was a test that brings out the crazy thoughts of serial killers. Howard said that the e-mail said that only serial killers think that way so maybe Scott is one. Scott said it came to him immediately but he's never thought about killing anyone. Howard said that he's going to leave Scott alone from now on.
Howard played some tape of Scott the Engineer freaking out after a contest he was in years ago. He yelled and screamed at Mike Gange after he tried to video tape him. Howard also took a call from a guy who said he answered the same way. Howard told him he might want to get some help for that. The guy went on to tell a story about how he broke a woman's neck accidentally while having sex with her. He told Howard about how he was having sex with her and she pulled back, knocking him off the bed and he didn't let go of her hair which made her neck snap. He said she's not dead, she's on life support. He said it wasn't in the paper and a friend of his is a cop so he got her out of jail.
The guy said that the woman was a dancer at a club in the city and she was gorgeous. He said that they were both drunk so the prosecutor wants to push for the maximum sentence against him. He said that they want to charge him with kidnapping and wreckless endangerment. He said she wanted him to pull her hair so it wasn't something she didn't want.
Another caller told Howard that the discussion was getting the delay hit on it. Howard told the caller that this is the reason why he's having a meeting with Mel Karmazin on Monday to give him his resignation. Tom came in and told Howard that there was one dump during that discussion. He said there was some stuff that he described. Benjy laughed when Tom said something about how he'd like them to go back to using ''The third input'' to describe anal sex. Tom told Benjy that he just doesn't get the rules and went off on him for a few seconds. Howard said he's had it with this crap and he wants out. He said he'd rather stare at a wall at home than be there with Tom.
Howard said he wants to know exactly what it was that they dumped out of. Gary told Howard it was a verb used during that discussion. Howard figured out that it was ''thrust'' that was the stuff they dumped out of. Howard wanted to stop talking about that stuff because it was too upsetting for him.
Howard moved on to some of the stories that were written about his comments about Jay Leno from yesterday's show. He read some of the articles and talked about how funny it looks when it's written up in the paper.
Gary said that he, John and Artie went out to lunch and talked about how bad Howard's rant was against Jay. Gary said that Artie mentioned that Howard called Jay ''gay'' and it doesn't get any worse than that. Howard read another article by John Mainelli where he wrote about the rant Howard did against Jay. Howard said he likes reading about this stuff in the paper.
Howard was ready to start Stump the Booey but Gary told him that Tom wanted them to take a break first. Howard ended up yelling at Tom for a minute and then revealed that the show had the delay hit 14 times already and it was only 9 o'clock. He wondered why the company even keeps him there. He said it's ''stupid'' and ''assenine'' because they've lost his creative mind. Tom came in and told Howard that they keep him because of who he is. Howard told Tom that he's just as bad as the FCC but Tom doesn't think that's true. Howard said that he is going to resign when he talks to Mel on Monday. He said he's had it and he's going to go feed animals. He said that he thinks Tom loves this stuff and George W. Bush is his bitch. Tom said that he's proud to say that he's wrong. Howard wanted him to bad mouth Colin Powell's son (Michael Powell) and what's going on with the FCC rules. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard asked Tiff about her weight and height. He found out that she's 5'7'' tall and weighs 120 pounds. He found out that she has only banged one guy in her entire life and she's marrying him. Howard asked her if she's ever done another girl. She said she hasn't but she wouldn't say she'd never do it.
Howard had the girls get behind a curtain so they could get naked. If they lose they drop the curtain so the guys don't get screwed out of seeing them naked. Only one of the girls will be playing the game, the other one is just there to get naked if her sister loses.
Howard said that Gary gained a lot of weight while he was on vacation last week. He's also going to be quitting smoking soon when he goes up to see this guy in Boston who is supposed to be really good at helping people quit. Howard asked him about where he went on vacation and goofed on him about taking care of the kids while they were down in the Bahamas. Stuttering John came in and said that he heard that Gary was running after the kids and took them swimming with the dolphins down there. Gary said that was true but he had a great time down there. John said that Howard has to post the picture of Gary on HowardStern.com. John said he hates that he's going to miss out on Gary quitting smoking. He said he'll probably blow up after that.
Howard cut off those guys and moved on to the game. He played the first song and both Gary and the girls had to try and get the artist and title of the song. Here are the songs:
Howard said he'd give each of them $500 if they kissed. He said it had to be a pretty intimate kiss if they did it though. Michelle said she would like the money but she didn't care either way. Tiff wasn't that interested but Howard threw in an Apple iPod plus $1000 worth of songs from iTunes.com if they did it. Howard said it had to be a 10 second kiss. Gary added that it had to be an open mouth kiss. KC said they had to put a hand on the other's ass as well.
Howard let them off easy after 5 seconds or so once they started to kiss. Tiff said it's not something she would ever do again though. Howard said that the company has to fire him after that.
Howard took a call from a listener who wanted to know when it's going to air on E!. Howard wasn't sure but the guy kept asking them where they live and if they cheat on their husbands. Another guy said that the whole thing was so wrong. The guy said it sounded wrong but it was ''so good.'' Howard said that Tom just added 14 delays after that kiss. A few other callers told Howard how good the bit sounded over the radio.
E! had a replay of the kiss so the guys checked that out. Howard threw in another $500 courtesy of the movie ''Club Dread'' so they were walking out with $1,500 plus the iPod and iTunes.com songs. Artie asked them how much it would take for them to bronski each other. The girls didn't even know what that was. Howard asked them to get naked again and let them throw donuts at them. They weren't up for any of the other suggestions they had. Howard told them they have to come back because they were fun. He had to take a break before bringing in comedian Lewis Black.
Howard apologized to Lewis for keeping him out in the green room. Lewis said that's the way his whole career has been. Naked chicks in the studio, keep Lewis in the green room.
Lewis said that comedy is a pretty good career these days. He said that people are going to clubs these days and President Bush is just about paying comedian's checks these days because there's so much material there. Lewis went off on the whole FCC thing and how ridiculous it is that they're causing so much of a controversy about the whole thing. He and Howard discussed that for a couple of minutes. Howard said he just hopes he gets fired and collects the money from the remainder of his contract.
Howard asked Lewis about why he does comedy and how long he's been doing it. Lewis said he's been doing it for 15 years now and before that he was writing plays. He said he never wrote anything that anyone would have seen. He said he thinks Jazz poets make more money than he does. Howard said he might go to see Lewis perform this Saturday night at a gig he's doing.
Lewis said that Artie is nuts when he does shows. Howard talked about how Artie had 5 Jack and waters in him within minutes of sitting at a table with him down in Atlantic City last week. Lewis said that he drinks a little bit himself. He said he's got a lot of time to drink and sleep it off after doing a comedy show. Howard said he's really going to try and get to his show on Saturday. You can check out Lewis' upcoming dates at his web site LewisBlack.net
Howard said he was going to have this meeting with Mel Karmazin in a couple of weeks but now he's heard what the meeting is supposed to be about and he's pissed at Tom for making Mel lecture him. He said he heard that Mel wanted to talk about how serious the whole climate is in Washington DC. Lewis started to flip out on Tom about the whole thing and said that they've lost their minds about this whole thing.
Tom said that there was a poll taken about the whole reaction to the FCC thing and 80 percent of the people are saying that it's an overreaction on the FCC's part. Howard tried to find out what Tom did to get Mel to set up this meeting with him. Howard said he figures Tom told Mel that he doesn't think he's serious about this stuff even though he is. He said he knows that it's serious and he doesn't need the lecture. He wanted to cancel the meeting after hearing about all of this. He said he knows what to do and he's just going to let them keep hitting the button on the show. Tom said he'd call Howard and talk to him about this stuff. He said he doesn't know what Mel wanted to talk to him about though.
Howard and the guys goofed on Tom for a couple of minutes and then had Robin start her news.
Howard started off the show talking about George W. Bush's ''hoopla'' over the gay marriage thing. He said that he's hell bent on stopping gay marriages. Howard and Robin both said that they think it's a big waste of time. Howard went on to talk about some other news about how the CIA had information about the 9/11 hijackers before it happened and they didn't do anything about it. Howard said they were given the information by Germany and were warned that they might be hijacking a plane. Howard said that Bush shouldn't be worrying about the gay marriage thing, he should be trying to save the country.
Howard got an e-mail from a friend of his and wanted to read it but he was trying to find the part that was interesting but it wasn't working. He said that he couldn't find it while trying to talk to Robin at the same time. He and Gary eventually found it. The guy who wrote in works in the government but Howard wouldn't say who it was. He just said that the guy told him that they've gotten more mail about Bono saying the F-word on the Grammys than any other subject. People are more worried about that than about even the World Trade Center attacks. Howard said the whole thing is just crazy. He also said that he thinks George W. is just out to impress his father. He said all he's really managed to do is have Clear Channel get rid of Bubba the Love Sponge.
Howard played some tape of Mel Gilbson's father being interviewed and talking about the holocaust. He was saying that the Jews don't work hard working jobs. Howard said that if he was saying this stuff about the blacks, there would be an uproar. The guy was also saying that the gas chambers that were used in Germany wouldn't have worked and couldn't have killed as many Jews as they said they did. Howard said the guy sounds insane and really wacky talking about that stuff. Howard said that Mel's new movie is a tribute to this guy. Howard said the interview sounds like it was from the 1930's but it was just a few weeks ago. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that and how it's just son's trying to impress fathers. The Mel Gibson movie, George W Bush's gay marriage ban and Howard doing radio. It's all son's trying to impress their fathers.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people vent on George W and some other stuff. One guy was blaming the Clinton administration for not getting Osama bin Laden years ago. Howard and the guy talked about that for a short time. The caller suggested that Howard run for President. Howard said that he would make too much sense and would have to be bumped off if he got in.
Howard said he's not really ready to leave radio but he doesn't want to take down the company with him if these people are going to complain about what he says on the air. He said that in 30 years people will look back on this stuff and say that it's ridiculous. Tom came in and said that hopefully, it'll be less than 30 years from now. Howard said it doesn't really matter and Tom shouldn't worry so much about possibly leaving something in the show that might be considered indecent.
Howard and Scott DePace from E! ended up arguing politics for a few minutes. Howard was saying that DePace is always backing up what George W. Bush does in office no matter what it is. Howard eventually got DePace to admit that Bush is wrong for going after this gay marriage ban. Scott also told Howard that John Kerry always votes down military stuff and will not be strong in that way if he gets elected President. Howard and DePace were also arguing about the military and whether or not Clinton weakened it before Bush got into office. Howard eventually kicked DePace out of the studio and told him to go back to directing his show.
Howard ended up giving the phone caller he had on the line a $500 prize. The caller told Howard that he doesn't want him to leave radio. Howard said that he doesn't want to leave radio but it's possible that they could be off the air within a couple of weeks if things keep going the way they go.
Howard said that Scott DePace and Gary were out in the office arguing politics. Stuttering John came in and said that it was pretty funny. DePace came back in so Howard said he's going to have Al Franken come in and argue politics with Scott. Scott came in and said he would love to debate him but he might not be good at debating because he hasn't written a book like Franken has. Howard kicked him out of the studio again a short time later.
Crazy Cabbie called in and told Howard that he's a hypocrite. He ended up arguing with Howard about John Kerry and his stance on the military and all of that. Howard wanted to put a stop to the whole political debate thing on his show. He went on to tell Cabbie about what he knew about Kerry and George W. He and Cabbie argued about that stuff for a short time. Cabbie was backing Bush so Howard told him that he might want to wake up and smell the coffee because it's Bush's government that is causing all of the problems with indecent broadcasting standards and all of that. Howard also pointed out that Bush is wasting his time on the whole gay marriage thing.
Howard pointed out to Cabbie some of the other things that Bush has done over the past few years that show he's just as much of a hypocrite as anyone else. He told Cabbie that Bush could just call up Michael Powell (of the FCC) and tell him to lay off of all of this crap with the indecency but he's not going to do that. Howard told Cabbie that they have to say to Bush that they don't agree with his religious right agenda of his. Cabbie said it is ridiculous because he heard Howard's show all chopped up yesterday. Howard cut him off a short time later and thanked him for calling in. He had to take another break after that.
Howard said he's trying to get tape of all of the Karaoke tapes from the Valentine's day party he held. He said that Beth was kind of upset with him for playing her tape on yesterday's show. Fred played the tape again but Howard thought she sounded kind of cute singing with him. He also talked about how he couldn't even remember singing the night before when he woke up the next morning.
Howard said that he invited Danny Bush to his party and he was running around trying to get people to sign a petition so that WYSP in Philadelphia would play the band The Darkness on the air. Howard said he was drunk when he signed it so he didn't even realize what he was signing. Gary said that he saw Howard's handwriting on the petition and he wrote something about how they have to ''play this f'ing band.'' Artie said he came home with 3 of Danny's business cards and he only remembers getting one of them. Gary told Howard that Danny abandoned his family vacation to work that party. He's a dedicated record company guy.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard that he has some video of Howard from the Valentine's party and he won't believe how drunk he looks. Artie told Howard that he's like the happiest drunk he's ever seen. Fred said the same thing and pointed out how happy he looked when he was up singing Karaoke. Fred played the tape of Howard singing to the crowd there at the party. Howard said that he would never get up and sing like that if he wasn't drunk.
Howard had a bunch of pictures of Ronnie the Limo Driver doing a strip tease at the party as well. He said he wants to put those up on his web site HowardStern.com. Fred continued to play the tape of Howard and Beth's drunken performance. Howard sounded really happy while he was singing. Artie said that they should do that every week. Howard said they should do it every morning.
Record company guy Danny Bush called in to thank Howard for that party he was at. Howard said he was bored with the guy about 20 seconds in. Howard wanted to move on to Mr. Skin. He spent a couple more minutes with Danny though.
Gary came in and said that Danny had a bunch of stuff for him about the band The Darkness. He said that he had a bunch of stuff written down in a spiral notebook and read off each of the things he had in there. He would cross off each one as he went down the list. Gary said he's really working the band hard and trying to get them to have them on or something. Howard said that Danny was working that room really hard that night and he thinks he'd hire him if he had a company where he needed a guy like that. He got off the line a minute later.
Mr. Skin came in a minute later. Howard said he feels really weirded out by the guy because he knows where every nude scene in every movie is. Mr. Skin told Howard that they have video and pictures of Jolene Blalock nude from the Canadian version of ''Enterprise.'' They showed her ass in the Canadian version. He said it's in the ''Enterprise'' section of the MrSkin.com web site.
Howard said he spent an hour and a half trying to find those shots and wasn't able to find it. He said that he ended up getting so pissed that he went to the newsletter part of the site and got pissed that there were no chicks on there that he wanted to see.
Mr. Skin said that Jennifer Connelly is one of his favorites. He said that her breasts are great for natural, big breasts. He also said that Phoebe Cates from ''Fast Times at Ridgemont High'' is his favorite video clip when she gets out of the pool topless. Howard asked Mr. Skin if he can tell when he's on the web site. Mr. Skin told him they really can't find out that stuff. Howard said that he spent like an hour on the site and it was really embarrassing. He thought he'd missed something so he was checking pictures a couple of times.
Howard talked about getting some porn movies via On-Demand cable and how bad the soft-core stuff is. Fred played a clip of congresswoman Heather Wilson talking about the ''disgusting stuff'' that went on during the Super Bowl. That led to Howard playing tape of Bill Maher talking to the woman and how lame that whole thing came off. He didn't confront her on the stuff that Howard thought he should. Maher made a couple of little digs at her but it wasn't enough for Howard. He said that Maher could have had fun with her because she's so wacky. He said she doesn't have a brain in her head and he could have ripped her a new a-hole. Howard ended up playing tape of Heather Wilson almost crying as she was talking to Mel Karmazin at the indecency hearings they had a couple of weeks ago. Howard goofed on her for a few minutes and the guys said that she's going to end up raising another Mr. Skin. Mr. Skin said that he can work for them as a ''Skintern'' some day. Howard continued to play the tape and goofed on the woman's completely whacked out views about television viewing.
While they were talking about this stuff the delay was hit multiple times. Howard was talking about the first breast he saw as a kid. He said it was a black woman in National Geographic with plates in her lips and rings around her neck. Howard continued to goof on Wilson and all of the nonsense she was spewing. Howard and Gary were also talking about how these people accept money from the people they regulate to travel and do other stuff. Howard said it's time for them to go along with George Bush. Howard told Bush to call off his attack dogs and get on to the real problems in this country. He took a break right after that.
Mr. Skin said that the Anatomy Awards on his site are being revealed today on MrSkin.com. They were kept quiet until today so he could reveal them on Howard's show. Howard pointed out that Mr. Skin has 30 employees after that.
Howard went on to reveal the nominees and the winners of a few categories. Mr. Skin gave Howard a quick rundown of the winners and why they won. He knew many details about this stuff. He showed pictures to Howard as he was doing this and said that they're all available on MrSkin.com. Here are the winners:
Artie asked how many minutes into ''My Bosses Daughter'' it was before you see the wet t-shirt scene with Carmen Electra. Mr. Skin said it's about 30 some minutes in. He didn't have an exact time but did say that the whole movie is one you have to fast forward through. Howard moved on to some other stuff after that.
Gary came in with a Mystery Record to play for Howard. Gary said that it's a famous chick Howard probably wouldn't recognize. Howard played the CD and tried to figure out who it was. Howard and Robin didn't know the answer so Howard let a listener try to answer. The first caller got it right when he guessed Tyra Banks. Robin said she thought it was Jada Pinkett-Smith. Howard gave the caller a $500 prize courtesy of the movie ''Club Dread.''
Mr. Skin said that they get to go to many movie premiers and a lot of DVDs and stuff. They promote the hell out of that stuff so the movie companies send them all of that stuff.
Howard moved on to talk about the Phily Phanatic mascot head and how they helped get back the stolen head. They promoted the fact that a Dodge dealer in the Philly area was putting up a $5,000 reward to get it back. Gary told Howard that the Phanatic went to an event and the head was stolen. Howard said he doesn't understand how it was stolen because it's so big. After it was stolen the Phillies were upset because it was an $8,000 head. Howard said he got a call from his Philly station who told him that the Dodge dealer (Gary Barbera Dodge) was putting up the money for his show to try and get the head back. He never finished the story. He later said he'd finish the story tomorrow.
Howard got sidetracked for a couple of minutes when he was talking about how he called Jay Leno ''gay'' the other day. He said he wasn't saying that he's a homosexual, he was just talking about how lame he is on his show and stuff. That led to him playing some new song parodies about KC being gay. He went on to talk about Leno some more and how lame he is. They were talking about how Jay brags about how he doesn't touch his Tonight Show money, he only uses the money he makes doing stand-up. Howard said that Jay was on ''Inside the Actors Studio'' recently. He played tape of that and goofed on Jay for a few minutes. He was making fun of him for stealing stuff from other people's shows. Howard and Gary also pointed out that Stuttering John is going to have an office right next to the writers who he's making 10 times more money than over there. Leno was talking about how he keeps his office small so he doesn't piss anyone off. Jay also talks about not touching the money he makes from the Tonight Show.
A listener called in and asked if John is really going to make that much money working for the Tonight Show. Howard said he doesn't know what he's actually making but he will be making a lot of money. Gary said he heard that they helped John buy his house out there as well. That's just a rumor though. Howard said he's happy that John is going to be making a lot of money over there but he's pissed at Jay for stealing someone he made a star. He said it's just odd that someone would do that. Howard said it's almost like a big ''F-You'' from Jay to him.
Stuttering John came in and said that he doesn't know where Gary gets his information because they didn't help him buy his house. Gary asked him if they paid for his move out there. John got pissed at Gary and said that wasn't related to buying him a house. He changed subjects and goofed on Gary's breath.
Howard got back to the Jay Leno tape he was playing and continued to goof on the guy relentlessly. Howard said that Jay is a liar when it comes to the stuff he was talking about in the interview. Mr. Skin was still sitting in the studio so Howard said the guy had to get going. He wrapped up the segment and took a break.
Howard asked Artie what he's doing this weekend. He told Howard that he's going to be part of a legendary comedy show. Stuttering John's final Rated R stand-up comedy act. Howard said that a lot of his act is about his show so John came in and said he only does about 3 minutes worth of material about the show. Howard didn't understand why he got so defensive when someone says something like that. They weren't goofing on him, they were just talking about the material he does.
Howard said that John is getting the big money now so he and a bunch of guys went out to lunch with him. He was going to pay for lunch but the restaurant paid for it instead. Artie asked him to leave a tip but John didn't have any cash on him. The other guys ended up paying the tip instead. Then John asked Artie if he wanted to split a cab but Artie got his own. John hailed his own cab so he had to have had cash on him. John came in and said that he only had $10 on him so he could only afford the cab. Howard said he heard that John borrowed $20 from Jason as well. John said he was going to pay him back though. John told Howard that he borrowed $20 from Greg Giraldo when they did a gig last weekend and he used the money to tip their driver.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he's ever asked Mel Karmazin to fire Tom. Howard said he had that conversation years ago and Mel told him that Tom is good at taking orders and he likes that so he keeps him around. The caller also mentioned that there's a guy on Mad TV that does a great impression of Howard. Artie knew who he was talking about and said the guy was good. That led to Howard talking about some of the other people who have done impressions of him over the years on Saturday Night Live and other shows. Robin said that Dave Chappelle played her in one spoof.
Howard realized he never finished the Philly Phanatic head story that he started before goofing on Jay Leno. He said he'd do that tomorrow instead. He had Robin start her news instead.
Howard said he didn't even know what to say this morning after he was taken off of six Clear Channel radio stations yesterday. He said he just found out about it last night and wasn't sure he should talk about it or not. He said he learned some stuff off the air and he won't be talking about any congresswoman today. He said that it's obvious that free speech isn't so free. He said he was going to try and be smart and try to get them back on the air on the Clear Channel stations by Monday but it's possible he'll be fired from those stations.
Howard also joked that Jay Leno has been faxing him and asking for tape of the E! show so they can go through it and use more of his material. He also said that Dominic Barbara was contacted and asked to do a bit for Leno's show. He said they're under attack from every direction.
Howard said that Mel Karmazin spoke to Clear Channel and told them they're in breach of contract but they apparently don't care. He said he really doesn't know what's going on and what he can talk about on the air. Robin said it was like they woke up in a different country with all of this stuff going on. Howard said he doesn't think he'll last a month on the air with all of this stuff. He said Cabbie was ready to go on a commando mission down to Washington DC.
KC came in and said that he came in and heard Scott the Engineer giving a speech about what's going on with censorship. Scott said that he's embarrassed to live in this country after this. Howard said that he has been silenced because he talked about a congresswoman (Heather Fucking Wilson) and it's censorship.
Howard was saying that he was going to say goodbye to everyone this morning just in case something else happens. Howard said that Clear Channel admitted to him that they did this, not because of anything he said, but because they are being dragged in front of congress. He said that they're being forced to say that Howard said something racist on Tuesday and that's why he's being kicked off the air on those stations. Howard said it was a caller who used the N-word that people are talking about. Howard said that he's really tired of this stuff.
The caller Howard had on the line asked him not to leave radio but Robin told him they don't have control over it. Howard heard that they were only suspended for two days but now he's reading that they're fired. He mentioned Pittsburgh and San Diego as two of the stations that they're off of as of today. Howard wondered if it was San Diego where Robin messed her pants a few months ago. She said that was San Francisco, not San Diego.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that Howard might be quitting and he has a meeting with Mel on March 8th. Howard said that he won't be having that meeting, he canceled it. He also said that all of these radio stations are going to be obsolete in 20 years anyway because satellite radio is going to take over.
Wendy the Retard called in and said that she can't hear Howard this morning. He's off the air in Orlando so she can't hear him. Howard pretended that she was one of the FCC commissioners as a goof. Wendy brought up her bowling for a minute so Howard mentioned that he bowled during vacation. Howard went on to tell Wendy that he was going to say goodbye to her because the government was taking away the show that she loves. Howard said that it was sad to say goodbye to a retarded person. Wendy sounded pretty upset but she asked Howard if he'd help her get tickets to a Britney Spears concert.
Howard said he'd do what he can and then started to sing to her. He made up lyrics to a sad song about how he's going to miss her retarded voice. Howard threw in some lines about how the FCC was raping her and how he loves Wendy's retarded hair. Wendy was crying and said that she was hugging her cat Howard after he sang the song to her. She said she named the cat Howard Jr. Robin wondered if the cat or Wendy was smarter. Wendy then asked Howard about the Britney Spears tickets. Robin asked her why she doesn't realize that they're losing their jobs.
Wendy asked Howard to play ''the Jew song'' but he didn't know what she was talking about. She mentioned The Backside Boys song ''Backside's Back'' and said that she called it the Jew song because she figured a Jew wrote it. Artie thanked her for her ''retarded logic.'' Howard went on to ask her if she wanted to replace Stuttering John. She said ''yes'' to every question he asked her after that. He broke into another song with lyrics like ''Send in the retarded clowns.'' That led to Wendy talking about bowling again and she said she bowled a 149 without bumpers. Howard said he bowled about 74 when he played last week. He put Wendy on hold so he could play that ''Jew song'' for her. He got her back on the line a few seconds later and asked her if she knows that cat doody isn't chocolate. He also asked her if the FCC Commissioners all gang raped her. She was responding ''Yes'' to every question he asked of course. Howard had Fred play the ''Jew song'' for Wendy. It's actually the Backside Boys (Howard and the guys) performing ''Backside's Back.''
Howard said he knows the story is big if he ever sees himself on the cover of the NY Times. He told Robin that he heard from his agent last night that he was suspended from the San Diego station last night. He didn't know it was going to be all 6 of the Clear Channel stations. He said he saw himself on the front page of a paper right next to Jesus from Mel Gibson's movie. He said that he thinks he looks better than Jesus. He said that's all he cared about when he saw the Daily News. Then he saw the awful picture that the NY Post used. He said they hate him over there and use the worst picture they can find.
Howard said he got a call from Robert Schimmel yesterday while all of this was going on. He said he did't even know he was under attack at the time. After talking to Bob he found out about the suspension. Howard heard that the head of Clear Channel has to testify in front of congress so that might be why all of this was going on. Since Clear Channel is in breach of contract they may not even have rights to the show anymore. He also heard that he should stop talking about this congresswoman who was getting upset about the things he was saying about her. Howard said she's not going to stop talking about him so he doesn't know why he has to stop talking about her.
Howard said after he found out all of that he watched ''American Idol.'' He told Robin about the people who got voted in and discussed that show for a couple of minutes. Howard went on to talk about how crazy this censorship stuff is and how they're saying that it was racist comments that got him removed from these stations. He said it was a phone caller who made a racist comment though, not him.
Howard said he really doesn't know what's going on and he's not sure why he's being taken off of these radio stations. He said he had to read the paper to get his information. He said that the papers are reporting that he was taken off because of a ''vulgar'' show he did. Howard also said they're claiming it was an ''indecent'' show he did but he doesn't understand that because he hasn't been accused of doing anything indecent.
Robin told Howard that in USA Today they said that he was yanked but the syndicator stood by him. Howard said that would be Mel (Karmazin). Howard read some of the articles that were written and the comments that the Clear Channel people were saying. Howard said that he's going to be the sacrificial lamb in all of this indecency stuff. Artie said it's pretty scary that they're not allowed to talk about a politician. He said that it's frightening.
Robin read an article and said that she didn't even want to read it on the air. She said it would be amazing if Howard was put back on the Clear Channel stations after what she read.
Another phone caller told Howard what he saw on the news this morning. He was also calling in to say goodbye to the guys just in case they do get kicked off. Howard said that the ridiculous thing is that anyone who doesn't want to hear this stuff can just throw out their radio. Howard took another call from a guy who said that Matt Drudge was bad mouthing Howard on his show yesterday. He said Drudge was calling Howard names and saying that he's a disgrace to the country. Howard wondered why Drudge did his show then.
Howard took some more phone calls and one of them was from Dominic Barbara who told Howard that this could help get Bush out of office if the fans use their power to vote him out. Howard said that this whole thing has gone berserk and it all has to do with Bush and Michael Powell. He said that people are being thrown off the air without a trial. Howard also talked about how Jay Leno contacted Dominic to do a segment for them about Stuttering John. Howard said that whole thing is getting ridiculous as well. Dominic went on to talk about how ridiculous and scary this whole FCC thing has become. He said this is just the first step in their grand plan.
Howard said that there must be some new rule he violated and he has to be punished for it. He said he'd like to go before congress himself. He knew the day after the Super Bowl that it would mean the end of the show.
Howard spent some time talking about Mel Gibson's ''The Passion of the Christ'' and how a woman died while watching the movie out in the mid-west. Howard talked about Gibson's father and how wacky that guy is and how Mel can only please him by making a movie about Jesus. He went on to goof on Gibson and his father for a couple of minutes. He joked that Mel is working on some other movies where the Jews do all kinds of goofy stuff.
Howard joked that Clear Channel is going to replace Bubba the Love Sponge with Osama bin Laden because he's easier to control. He had to take another break but took a phone call from a guy from Pittsburgh. He said he tried to listen to the show this morning and he wasn't on. Howard told him it might be a permanent goodbye. He went to break shortly after that.
Gary told Howard that Paula Zahn was looking to get an interview with Howard yesterday. They called in at like 10PM last night looking for Howard to call in. Gary wondered who would think that anyone would be there at that time of night. Howard said that if Paula Zahn has sex with him, he'll do an interview with her. He said he knows that won't happen so she has to do the entire interview in negligee. Howard was trying to talk to Gary in his office but he had a mouth full of food. Gary said he was eating an egg white sandwich. Howard wondered how he can be that fat after eating egg white sandwiches. Gary said there's a lot of other food that he eats later in the morning.
Howard and Artie talked about how hot Paula Zahn is. Artie said he realized how hot she was during the 9/11 coverage. Gary told Howard that Paula's producer refused to come on the air. Howard told him to tell her that she just lost the interview then. He went on to talk about a CBS party that he went to at one time. He said that Paula was at that party but he didn't know who she was at the time. He said she was really hot. He realized while he was talking about this stuff that Beth's brother will no longer be able to hear the show and tell on him when he does stuff. He said he lives out in the Pittsburgh area.
Howard said that he was married at the time he met Paula. He spent a couple of minutes talking about her. He said that he's not sure she'd be good in bed though. The delay hits were starting by this point so we missed out on some of the stuff Howard was saying. They were talking about women and how some of them stink down there. He said he's been with some women who you'd think would smell nice and they don't. He said you can't judge a book by it's cover.
Melrose Larry Green is kicked off the show but he's down in Washington DC so he can go to the Congressional hearings and do what he does best... annoy people. He said that he doesn't think Howard will be taken off the air. Howard told him that he's the biggest traitor around and hung up on him.
A listener called in and told Howard that he would never call into the show but when he found out that he was off the local radio station he had to call in and tell Howard how much he's going to miss them. Another caller from Rochester, New York called in and asked what's going on. Howard told the guy he doesn't even know exactly what's going on. He said that he's getting different info from all around and he doesn't know what's up. Howard and the caller said that hopefully they'll meet again in the future.
Gary came in and told Howard that Beth's brother might not be able to hear the show but her father called her and said that he could hear him in Cleveland. Howard said that there are Ostrosky's all over the place. Howard said he feels bad for Beth's father. His daughter is dating Howard Stern. That led to him talking about how Beth's mother hung up on her when she found out that she was dating him. Her father wouldn't even meet him for about 3 years.
More phone callers were telling Howard about how ridiculous this censorship stuff is. One guy said it's almost like communism. The guy wanted Howard to fight but there is no way for him to fight. He seems to think they've already lost the fight. A caller told Howard that the show was being censored down in Philly. While they were trying to figure out what it was that they said, the delay got hit again.
Howard took a call from his girlfriend Beth who said that Pittsburgh is really bummed about this whole thing. Howard asked her how she was doing after last night. He said something else about banging her that got the delay hit again... a couple of times. Beth was apparently saying that she thinks that Howard is ''too big'' down there and he was ''very aggressive'' last night. Howard said that she calls him ''Mr. Ed'' because he's so big down there but she said that wasn't true. Howard said he thought he was gentle last night but she told him that he must have been pent up and took it out during sex.
Stuttering John came in and said he's heard Howard having sex. He asked Howard and Beth some questions that got the delay hit again and again. They were talking about the time John heard Howard and Beth having sex upstairs in the same house but everything was getting censored out of the show so we all missed out on the details. Howard said that he was the one who initiated sex last night. He said that he realized that she was wearing a thong so he asked her if she was uncomfortable in them. They continued to have the discussion and the delay hits continued to add up. John asked them if they still use condoms. Howard said of course they do. Beth said she doesn't want to get pregnant. Howard said John should know what unmarried sex is like in a few months. He's going to be out in LA doing the tonight show soon.
Beth said that her brother was calling in because he was actually able to hear the show driving through Cleveland. She picked up the phone and he just said ''Oh My God!'' to her. She hung up on him and got back to the sex story. John was laughing his ass off thinking about her brother hearing all of these discussions on the air.
Tom came in and said that John was going to leave. Howard told Tom that he just wants to be fired now. He said John wasn't saying anything wrong. Tom felt different and wanted John out. Howard told Tom that it's over already and he wants out. Howard wanted Tom to have the conversation with Beth instead. Tom just laughed. Howard told him that he has the Wheel of Yucko coming up soon but Tom wanted to talk to him about that as well.
Beth's brother Doug called in and said he didn't know whether to throw up or drive to New York and beat the crap out of Howard. He was just kidding and said that Howard really is making his sister very happy. He said she calls him every day and tells him how happy she is. Doug asked what he can do to get Howard back on the air. Howard said there's really nothing he can do.
Howard and Tom talked about how crazy the whole Leno thing has gotten and how they're calling to get tape of Howard's E! show. Doug hung up around this point so John asked Howard and Beth to get back to their discussion. Tom was ready to elbow him in the nose though. Beth mentioned something about the way Howard talks dirty to her during sex. John asked Beth if she'd ever bring another woman into bed with them. She said she would never do that because she wouldn't want to see him with anyone else. She said she's so into him she wouldn't want to do that.
Howard let Beth off the line a short time later. Stuttering John was annoying the crap out of Tom. He was turning up his headphones and laughing like crazy as he did it. Tom said that John is dead to him though so it wasn't annoying him. Howard had to take a break right after that.
Another caller wanted Howard to point people in the right direction as far as the voting goes in the next election. Howard said that he may not even be on the radio that long. Another caller said she didn't know what to do when she found out Howard wasn't on in Miami. She said she might have to move to another area so she can hear the show.
Double A called in and said that it's been one bad news story after another. First he learned that John was leaving to do that ''big chinned bastard's'' show and now Howard is taken off the air in 6 markets. He asked Howard to give him Beth's number before he's taken off the air. He also asked to hear the ''F-You'' song to go out to the FCC and all of those guys. Howard played the song but didn't give him Beth's number.
Howard took move calls and one guy asked if there was anywhere he could hear the show on the web. Howard told him there's no such thing. A woman called in and wondered what she can do to help. Howard told her there's really nothing she can do and the FCC has been after him since 1992. He said that the FCC was looking for something to get upset about and the Janet Jackson boob flash is what drove them there.
Another caller said that he didn't agree with Howard about what he was saying about George W yesterday but now he does. He said it didn't affect him at the time but now it does and he's pissed. Howard told the guy that we have to vote Bush out. He said that maybe some of the madness will stop, maybe it won't. He said we won't be any worse off than we are already.
The phone caller wanted to give out the phone number for Clear Channel so the fans could call. Howard said that will do no good and the only thing that would do good is if the fans stormed Washington DC. He said he knows that won't happen though.
Howard wanted to bring in the girls who wanted to spin The Wheel of Yucko. Erica and Dawn came in but they weren't sure if they were into doing the ''Wheel of Yucko'' thing. Howard read to them what was on the wheel. It included stuff like:
Howard took a few more phone calls and talked about Chaunce Hayden's (ChaunceHayden.com) review of ''The Passion of the Christ.'' Chaunce said that it was brutal and very anti-semitic. Robin said it was awful and she took a couple of naps during it. She said that she was interviewed after the movie and she told some interviewers that it was horrible but a religious zealot jumped in and told the reporter that it was great. KC said that it sounds like a good movie to make fart noises at. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about the movie and how kooky Mel Gibson and his father are. Howard had tape of Gibson's father talking about how he doesn't think the holocaust happened. He played some of the tape while he was talking about that. In the tape Gibson's father spews his anti-semitic crap. Howard said the guy sounds insane. Howard said that Mel Gibson isn't speaking out about what his father is saying so he must relate to it.
A listener from Miami wondering if this is a permanent thing or not. Howard said he's not even sure and it could be the beginning of the end of his show. The caller suggested that Howard get on satellite radio so we can all subscribe and get that.
Howard got back to the Wheel of Yucko. He had Yucko get on the wheel they had on the floor. Dawn was first up to spin the wheel. She spun it and Yucko ended up on Shroud of Turin. She had to take off her top so Yucko could give her a bronsky. She took off her top and Howard said she had a nice rack. Yucko got in there and slobbered all over her chest. Howard let her get a plug in after that. She said that she works for VoyeurDorm.com. She said she's the Bindi girl there and can do all kinds of contortion. Howard had her put her feet behind her head to see what she can do. Gary came in and said that her boyfriend was working at DudeDorm.com and that's how she found out he was cheating on her.
Howard asked Dawn a few questions about working for the web site and what she does there. The friggin delay was being hit a bunch of times though so we missed out on a bit of the conversation. Howard was able to check out her ass while she was still there. Howard and Artie thought that she had one of the best asses that they've seen in there. She showed them her ass a couple more times and they were amazed at how good it looked. Gary thought that she could have been a model. The delay hits kept happening so the conversation was all over the place. Dawn is a dominatrix so she dominated Yucko a little bit while she was there.
Erica got up next and spun the wheel. She landed on Ho Fish where she has to fish around in Yucko's outfit to try and pull out a flag. There were mozzarella balls, shrimp, a whole chicken and a bunch of other things in his pants that she had to fish around for. Howard had Erica reach in and try to find the flag. She reached in and pulled out the chicken. She then pulled out fish and then a mozzarella ball. She eventually found the flag which was on the side of his outfit.
Erica got in a plug for the NY Independent Film Festival that's taking place on April 23rd through the 26th. She said you can find out more about that at Arlenes-rocery.com. She also got a plug in for her own web site which is at RealAct.com/EricaSmith. Howard let Yucko get in a couple of plugs for some gigs he's doing in the area as well. You can find out more about Yucko at DamnShow.com
A listener called in and said he's going down to march in Washington DC against all of this nonsense. You can mail him at SaveHowardStern@aol.com.
Howard took a call from his old buddy Al Rosenberg who talked about the craziness that was going on with the congressional hearings and poor Mel who had to go up in front of those people. He told Howard he's behind him in all of this.
Brandtly Barden from Premiere Magazine called in to talk to Howard. Howard and Robin said that they really don't care about that stuff at this point with all of the other nonsense that's going on. Brandtly said he's completely behind Howard and this stuff is really depressing. Howard had him give his picks for the Academy Awards.
Brandtly said that he would pick Sean Penn for best actor. He said he'd like to see Ben Kingsly win but he thinks Penn will take it. Howard changed subjects and said that Brandtly asked that they call him because he didn't want to pay for the phone call. Brandtly said that he doesn't make much money so that's why he did that.
Howard asked Brandtly about who his pick for best actress would be. He said he thinks Charlize Theron will take it. That led to Howard asking Brandtly, who is gay, if he could bang someone like Charlize Theron if she was naked in front of him. He said if there was a hot guy there he could do it. Howard and Artie asked Brandtly about being gay for a couple of minutes. They also talked about the pictures of Howard that were in the paper today. Howard said he thought he looked better than Jesus from Mel Gibson's movie.
Howard continued to ask Brandtly about what kind of guys he's into and stuff like that. He eventually got back to the awards talk. Brandtly said that for best picture it's got to be ''The Lord of the Rings.'' Howard changed subjects again and gave him an ''F***, Marry, Kill'' game. He asked him which of the following three he would F, Marry or Kill.:
Katie asked if the lingerie would be see through or not. Howard said he'd like to see her in something see through. He said he wants to see her legs and stuff like that. Mike Gange from E! brought in the rack of lingerie they had and found a school girl outfit she could wear. Howard said that he was going to brush his teeth for this interview. Artie finally figured out who Katie was and remembered she used to do traffic reports.
Howard asked Doug from E! where the good lingerie was. They eventually found something. It was a t-back bikini in blue that she could wear. He said that it was going to be a hot interview. She said that she could probably be there in 15 or 20 minutes. Howard was trying to get her down there but Vinnie Favale kept interrupting and asking her what she would wear out in public. Howard told her that it was a thong bikini so Katie said she can't do that. Howard eventually called off the deal when she refused to do the interview with the E! cameras on.
Howard said that she had to be in a bathing suit and on his lap to do the interview. Vinnie came up with a good idea. He said that she could wear a towel into the studio and just take it off when she sits on his lap. Katie said she's go check with her boss to find out if it was okay to do the interview. Howard let her go and said he'd like to see the tape of her asking her boss about that crazy idea. Vinnie seemed to think that it could happen because local news is pretty aggressive.
Howard said he might need a wheelchair to wheel around in while he's doing the interview with Katie. He wondered what the odds were that this guy Lou would approve the interview. Robin said there's about a 20 percent chance of it happening. Artie said 50/50 and Howard said it's probably more like ''Less than zero percent.'' He went to break a few seconds later.
Katie said that they left everything up to her and she decided not to do the interview in a bathing suit. She said she's not tan and doesn't want to be in a bathing suit. Vinnie asked her how tall she is. She said that she's 5'2'' tall and 102 pounds. Artie said that's what he weighed at birth. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Katie but there was nothing that could convince him to do the interview. She said she just wanted to make sure that Howard was okay and that's why she was asking about what was going on. She wished Howard luck with everything. She was about to get off the line but Artie told her that she was going to be talking about the traffic instead of interviewing Howard Stern. She said she doesn't do that anymore though.
Howard said that he really likes Katie McGee. He said she's got a pretty face. He ended up playing some of Vinnie Favale's love tapes after that. They goofed on that stuff for a short time.
Gary said that they're getting calls from a lot of people like Good Morning America. Howard and the guys ended up getting side tracked again and talked about ''American Idol'' for a couple of minutes. Gary got in on the conversation so Howard wondered how he gets to watch that show. He said he thought he had to watch the kids at that time of night. Gary said he actually watches it with the kids. Robin got back to her news shortly after that.
Howard took a call from a local news reporter, it Hua Chang, who was trying to get a quick interview with him. Howard still didn't want to do any interviews so he wasn't talking. Howard ended up interviewing him about his upbringing and if he's ever pulled a rickshaw. They goofed around for a couple of minutes but Howard didn't give him an interview. Howard told him that he says whatever he's going to say on his own show.
Howard put it Hua through to his press secretary, Wendy (the Retard). She babbled for a couple of minutes until it Hua gave up and said he had to go. Wendy did a great job of scaring off the reporter.
Howard took some other calls during the news from upset listeners who can no longer hear his show. He had Robin get back to the news after that.
Howard said that yesterday was the worst day in his life. He said the reason for that was seeing a picture of a pregnant Courtney Cox. He said she looked like a big sloppy whale. He said that's like a poster for not getting pregnant. Artie said that she looks like him. The guys said that she's got to be at least 40 but Howard thought she was in her 30s.
Howard said he got off the air around 11 something and had to have a meeting with some of the people at ABC about his TV special. He said that there were so many reporters outside the studio... There were about 200 right outside the garage at his station. He didn't talk to any of them though. He said he has 5 hours a day to be interviewed, right there on his radio show. He said he heard a lot of people defending him and a lot putting him down.
Howard said that Courtney Cox is 40, he'd just found that out. He went on to ask Fred if he knew back when they were working at WCCC in Hartford, Connecticut, that they would eventually see all of the crap that went on yesterday. Fred said that he had no idea. He said you see that stuff going on and think the world is coming to an end. Howard said that he read that there were 250,000 complaints received by the FCC last year but they make it look like he's the one who got them all when he didn't.
Howard said that the head of Clear Channel really threw him under the bus yesterday. He said they were claiming that Howard loses money for the company as far as his affiliates. Howard said that they don't lose anything for that company, they took him off and now they're in breach of contract so they might lose money that way.
Howard said his father was listening to his Rush Limbaugh and told him that he was defending him. Howard said that his father always tells him that he doesn't listen to Limbaugh but he always reports back to him about him. His father said that of course Rush defends him, he realizes that it could be him some day.
Howard said he refused to do any interviews yesterday unless he could get a female TV reporter to do it in a bikini. He said that none of them realize what's going on and all of them smile through their stories as they're talking about them on the news. He said that he heard that Rolling Stone wanted to do an interview with him and he might take them up on that. He said that the news reporters don't seem to realize what's really going on with his show. He said that they're talking about his show being taken off the Clear Channel stations because he was fined or something. He pointed out that Clear Channel had him on for about 15 years and the day before a congressional hearing, they decided to take him off and bad mouth him. There were no complaints filed about the show Clear Channel was claiming to be vulgar.
Howard said that he defied the vulgar thing and played the Wheel of Yucko on yesterday's show. He said that when he left the show yesterday he was going to go home but there were a bunch of reporters there. He said he went to his agent's office instead and worked on the ABC show. Howard said that if these reporters want information, they can get it from his radio show while he's on the air. He said he's going to read some of the stuff that's going on throughout the show.
A Baltimore listener called in and said that the show was being censored already. Howard hadn't said anything dirty though. Captain Janks called in and said that a female reporter on FOX was bad mouthing him. He said that she said that Howard was telling his fans to boycott Clear Channel. Howard said he's not doing that and he didn't even realize he was working for Clear Channel before all of this came up. Janks said that these reporters are just making stuff up and playing tape of his radio show on the air. Janks said that we have to do something because it's leading to the day when there are cameras watching every move we make. Howard said that it's already there with the internet and all of the other stuff out there.
Howard said he really doesn't know what's going on with Clear Channel. He said they've called them and haven't heard back about whether or not they're going to be back on the air in those six markets he was taken off in. Robin told Howard that the Clear Channel guy was apologizing at the congressional hearings yesterday. Howard said that's the same guy who was trying to hire Opie and Anthony though. Robin said that he was saying that the airwaves belong to the people but Howard said that if that's the case, why don't they leave his show on the air because there are millions of fans who listen to his show.
Captain Janks played tape of the wacky FOX reporter talking about why she thought Howard was taken off the air by Clear Channel. There were a few people on that program talking about the transcript of what went on during the show that Clear Channel was saying was ''vulgar.'' Howard said there was noting indecent about that show and he was not fined over it. Howard said that there was a call during an interview with Rick Solomon where a guy asked Rick if Paris Hilton has ever had sex with a black guy. He said he knows that Clear Channel owns stations that play rap songs with the word ''Nigga'' in them and they don't take that off the air. He said that Clear Channel had to find something to pin on him so they took that one call and blamed everything on that. Howard said he hung up on that guy when he used the N-word. He didn't use it himself.
Howard said he's going to read a list of politicians who are trying to control what people hear on the air. These people have all been accused of sex crimes so he's going to point them out to everyone.
Howard played a promo that WCCC in Hartford has been playing about his show. In the clip they play clips of some of the stuff that people were saying about his show and how people are supporting it. They point out that they're not ''corporate'' and it's still the home of the Howard Stern Show. Howard seemed to think that was a cool promo. He had to take a commercial break shortly after that.
Tom Chiusano was in telling Howard a bunch of useless information. He said that the movie is making money and it doesn't matter if it's good or bad.
Howard said that yesterday was one of his busiest days ever. He had a bunch of stuff planned as far as meetings and an appointment with his psychiatrist. He said it was quite a session with the psychiatrist. He said he was really beat yesterday after all of that. Then he had to talk to a carpenter about taking some doors off of his closet in his apartment. He said he was more excited to talk to that guy than it was to do anything else yesterday. He said that stuff was more important to him than anything else.
Howard said he went to dinner with Mel (Karmazin) yesterday. He said this had been planned for weeks so it wasn't about the FCC or anything. He said there were a bunch of people there and he had a good time there. He said that Mel said some nice, supportive things about what was going on. He said it wasn't all about that though and they had some fun there. Howard said that Mel had some sports guys there and talked about how he can't make money with the Super Bowl but he can make tons of money with Howard. He said he pays Howard a lot less and can make a lot more money than he can with the NFL stuff.
Howard said that Mel thought he was going to get a Super Bowl ring for him from this guy Bob Craft (owner of the New England Patriots) who was at the dinner last night. It turns out that Craft gave Howard a t-shirt instead. Howard said he turned it over to see if there was a check or something. Artie told Howard that this guy Oedipus from their station up in Boston had a Super Bowl ring. He said that the guy took him and John out to dinner and showed them the ring. Artie described the ring and said it wasn't really a tasteful thing but it was impressive that he had it. Howard figured that it must have been a duplicate ring and not one of the ''official'' rings. Howard and Artie both thought that the ring should be just for the people who actually played in the game. This guy Oedipus just produced the show or something like that. Howard said that he doesn't think his t-shirt is worth anything but Artie said he'd give him $200 for it. Howard said he might auction it off on eBay.com. He said he'd bring it in on Monday to show the guys.
Gary came in and said that he's seen World Series rings on guys who catered food for a winning team so they can't be worth all that much. Howard said that the ring Oedipus has can't be worth much then. Howard said that the Jersey can't be worth anything either. He said he won't be wearing the jersey because he's just not the kind of guy who looks good in something like that.
Howard said he went home last night and went through his e-mail. He said there was tons of video sent to him and he just got sick of it. He said he had about 47 voice mails and tried to return some of those calls as well. He also said he made a big doody yesterday afternoon and then had a bunch of cocktails. He stayed up and watched Friends, which is really bad now, and then watched Survivor. He said that at one point Richard Hatch rubbed himself while he was naked. He didn't think that it was that big of a deal but the woman he rubbed up against during the show freaks out next week.
Howard talked about how bad ''Friends'' was last night and how they're really not looking forward to the final episode. Gary said that the worst episode was Phoebe's wedding. Robin said that Phoebe has gotten back to being really annoying. Artie said he knew that the show was bad way back in September of 1994.
Howard watched all of that stuff and still couldn't get to sleep. He said he just had sex the night before so he didn't want to pleasure himself. He said he watched ''Smallville'' from the other day and he was still awake at 10 o'clock. He said he read some stuff in the paper and actually felt proud of Rosie O'Donnell for getting married out in California. He said that it took balls to do that and he applauds her for that. He said that she said some stuff about Bush's comments about banning gay marriage. He said he was very proud of what she said and how she was standing up for herself.
Howard read an article about how Bush is worried about nonsense like sending people to Mars and about marriage when our soldiers are being killed over in Iraq and Osama bin Laden is still on the loose. He also pointed out that Dick Cheney has a gay daughter and they're all keeping their mouths shut. Howard said just imagine that a gay president told straight people can't marry their girlfriends.
Howard said it was about 10 o'clock last night when he started to read and said that he just couldn't sleep. He said he had to pull out some porn to get himself off. He said that he wanted to talk more about that but he had to take a break first.
Howard said there is a delay when you start the On-Demand movie so he got his tissues during that wait. He said it eventually came up and he started it. There was about a 20 minute introduction and there was lots of stuff going on. He said he doesn't like to have sex with himself during that though. Then the movie starts and the chick is already naked and doing a guy. He said the horrible music was playing and it didn't feel real to him. He said the movie was called ''Innocence.'' He said the movie was only good for a 6 hour rental. He said they know you don't need it for any longer than that. He was thinking about getting another movie but didn't want to go through the process again. He said he ended up pulling off his underwear (Delay hit) to feel a little sexier. He said he ended up doing it for a while and finished himself off. He was disgusted with himself after he did it. He turned off the TV and went to the bathroom. He said he had to urinate like 20 times after that. He had so much to drink at dinner that he just had to keep going. Then he felt he had to go doody. He was freaking out that he couldn't get to sleep. Artie said the funny thing was that there's a scroll running under CNN saying ''Stern was unavailable for comment...'' He was busy whacking off.
Howard wondered if he had damaged himself or something while he was doing that to himself. He said that he was mad at Beth for not being home to handle the situation correctly. Artie said that he understands what Howard is saying about the porn thing. He watches the Playboy channel and the chicks are really hot on some of that stuff. He said there's a lot of awful stuff on that channel that you have to sit through.
Howard said that they were getting calls about the show getting chopped up. He said he doesn't know why they're doing that though because he wasn't saying anything bad. Robin said that it's because he's talking about sex. Howard said that there's a great cartoon in the NY Post of him on the cross and it's called ''The Passion of Howard.'' Howard got bummed out that his discussion was censored out because it was really funny. Howard said that Tom has been coming in early every day to hit the delay button himself lately.
Howard played the tape of Steve's interview with Mel's father Hutton where he says that there's no way there were 6 million Jews killed in the holocaust. He said that the Jews just got up and walked away after they were released. He said that ''they'' all look after each other and are willing to sacrifice each other once in a while. Howard said that Mel had to have made the movie to satisfy his father. Howard said that Mel would run for the hills if he got in the room to interview him.
Howard said that Steve must have been creaming in his pants when he heard this stuff. Steve said he wouldn't comment on that but he thinks that Howard should interview Mel Gibson.
Howard said that there was a report about the FCC getting 250,000 complaints about radio shows last year. Howard said that there was one lawyer defending him. He said that Mel Karmazin also said that he got about 4000 e-mails from the American Family Association. The lawyer was trying to point out that these people are all sending out letters from one specific group and they're treating each one like it's a separate complaint.
Howard got back to the tape of Gibson's father and let the old fool talk about what he believes happened in Germany. Howard said he doesn't understand why this guy is even thinking about this stuff. Howard wondered if people think that Mel isn't insane after being raised by this guy. Howard said he wished that more media outlets were playing the tape. Howard congratulated Steve on the interview and said that it left him speechless.
Steve told Howard that he was in China for about 13 years and learned the language. Howard had him give a little demonstration of the language. Steve said, in Chinese, that he was honored to have been on the show. Howard and Artie said it would take them forever to learn a language like that. Howard said that his grandfather used to speak Yiddish all the time and he never could understand that. He and the guys talked about that stuff for a couple of minutes. Howard wrapped up the call a short time later.
Howard and the caller from Pittsburgh talked about how concerned they are about this stuff happening. Howard went nuts for a minute talking about how these idiots think that kids don't listen to radio after 10 o'clock at night but that's the only time they can listen. There are stations like Z-100 in New York City who have these sex shows on after 10pm and they talk about sex stuff all the time. He said the kids aren't listening in the morning because they should be getting out on school busses by their parents at that time of morning.
The caller said that it's sad that they're talking about all of this when it's actually Stuttering John's last day. Howard said that Mel told him that John is a traitor and he went behind his back to get this job. He said that Mel told him that John is dead to him. Mel told him that John is stabbing Howard in the back and he doesn't even realize it. Robin said that she wants to be on ''this show'' and would never go to another radio station to work. Howard said that a few people said that they didn't know how Howard could look John in the eye and not think that he's a traitor. Howard said if he keeps talking to Mel he doesn't know if he'll stay friends with John. Mel said they may have been able to do something for John as far as money. Tom Chiusano came in and said that they continued to pay John even after they canceled his 1 hour radio show.
Stuttering John came in and said that his agent talked to Tom and mentioned that he might do ''other things'' and they didn't offer him more money. Gary got in on the conversation as well and said that he was upset that John was saying that the reason no one ever knew about John's new job was because he didn't want to tell him because he gets everything wrong. Howard told John what Mel said John should have done. He should have gone to Howard (through Gary) and ask him for more money. Howard figures that John just didn't want to be with him anymore.
John also said that he was worried that Howard was really going to leave radio in 2 years so he figured he might need another job. Howard and John argued about what went on and how John didn't come to him about the job until it was official that he was leaving. Howard said he told John that he didn't want to talk to him about his crazy schemes, and John took that as meaning he couldn't talk to Howard about anything.
All of the guys were ganging up on John and saying that he wasn't loyal in all of this. Howard did wish him well but John was afraid that what Mel said to him would eventually get to him and he'd hate him some day. Howard said he never said that John was dead to him but Mel and Tom did. The caller asked Howard if he'd hire John back if things don't work out with Leno. Howard said he will not hire him back. He said he will have a replacement for him in the near future. Howard and the guys also asked John who he likes better, Leno or Letterman. John said that he hates Letterman and thinks that he's arrogant. He and Fred ended up getting into an argument about Leno and Letterman for a short time. John and Fred then got into an argument about whether or not John told Gary how much time he wanted to take off to do the ''I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here'' show last year.
Fred also brought up the fact that they got an e-mail about John buying a house out in California a couple of weeks ago and John denied buying it. John had an explanation for that. He said that he did buy the house but he was ready to sell it if he didn't sign the contract with Leno's show. John said that he wanted that job out there and he did buy the house. He didn't say why he didn't admit to it though. John said he wasn't making any money working at the station and he didn't think that Tom would ever come up with that kind of money for him. Howard said he could have asked though.
Howard told John that he told Mel that he had another job offer during his last contract negotiation. John seems to think that the rest of them are looked upon differently than he was. Howard's buddy Ralph also called in and said that he thinks that it's John basically saying ''F-you, look what I can do.'' to them. Ralph also asked John why he didn't just call Howard and ask him about getting a raise. There was a lot of arguing going on but Howard wanted to go to commercial break. John wanted to get the last word on all of that stuff though but the guys didn't want to let him do that.
Howard let a phone caller through who said that John is a traitor and his career will go down the drain when he gets fired from Leno's show. Robin said he never spoke to her about this whole thing but he was telling Gary that he had. Vinnie Favale also called in and said that John was an idiot for leaving the show to work for Leno. Howard wished John luck after all of that and told Tom to get back on ''the button'' for the next guest they had coming in.
Howard and Robin told Howard about what happened years ago when Robin was offered another job working with the Greaseman. She turned down some huge money so she could keep working with Howard. She said she was loyal to Howard and that's why she didn't leave. She said it was a five year deal back then for huge money back in the 1980's. Howard tried to wrap it up again after all of that. He had to take another break.
Howard had the girls come in and said that Sam's friend Nikki was really hot. Sam was on the show years ago and ended up taking off all of her clothes for him. She said she's 38 years old but Howard said she looks really good. Sam took off some clothes and she still looks good to Howard. She said she doesn't even work out. She's never had a kid though so that saved her body. She said she's a vegetarian as well.
Howard talked to Nikki Nova who said she's not a porn star. She does host a show on the Playboy channel though. Howard talked to the girls for a short time and then asked Nikki if she was really going to take clothes off if they guessed who Sam slept with. She said she was going to do that and she was ready to do it.
Howard asked Sam about this movie ''Busty Cops'' that she produced. She said they have a lot of Penthouse Pets and women like that in the movie and it will air on a pay channel. Howard tried to find out how much the movie cost to make but Sam wasn't talking.
Howard moved on to the game where Gary would give the guys a description of what Busty did with a guy and then Howard and the rest of the guys would try to figure out who it is. Gary read the first description but the delay was hit so I don't have a description. The three choices he gave were Charlie Sheen, Emilio Esteves and Kevin Bacon. The guys tried to figure out which one of those three it was. Each of the guys had their own theory on who it could be. They guessed that it was Kevin Bacon. It turned out it was Emilio Esteves. She said that he was a great kisser and he was really cool. There were more delay hits during the segment so we missed out on what Sam was saying. Nikki decided to take off her shoes anyway so she'd be prepared to take her pants off if they got the next one right.
Gary moved on to the next description but the delay was also hit. The three choices were Rob Lowe, Cory Feldman and Esai Morales. Howard guessed that it was Cory Feldman. He was wrong again and it turned out to be Esai Morales. Sam said that he was great to her but the delay was hit a couple more times.
Gary moved on to the next one and of course the delay was hit again. The choices were Dolf Lundgren, Jean Claude Van Damme and Sylvester Stallone. Fred got it right when he guessed Dolf Lundgren. Nikki took off her pants after they got that one right. Howard said that she was a bad, dirty girl and he likes that. Gary moved on to the next one so the guys could try to get Nikki's top off.
Gary read the next description and it wasn't censored. She said that he wrote a song for her and he was very good to her. The guys guessed it was Young MC and got it right. Nikki's top came off and they said her implants were really good. Howard was impressed with the implants and how real they looked.
Gary read the next description which was pretty long. The delay may have been hit once but he did say that the guy had a lot of saliva and she must have swallowed a gallon of it. The choices were Wesley Snipes, Ving Raimes and Vin Diesel. The guys all thought about it for a few seconds and made their guess. Fred guessed that it was Vin Diesel and got it right. Nikki's panties came off next. Howard sighed and said ''Oh yeah, that's for me.'' Nikki said that she weighs 115 pounds and is 5'7'' tall. Howard said that's about perfect. Nikki also told Howard that she doesn't leave her house much so guys don't hit on her that much.
Sam told Howard about how much Vin drooled and how she hates drinking water. She said that she had to guzzle it and it was tough for her. She said this all happened back in 1998 or so. Howard wondered if she only bangs famous guys. She said she doesn't but Gary said that she does a lot of famous guys. She said she's had about 500 guys in her life and she's never had a sexually transmitted disease. She has had crabs once but that was it. KC asked her if she thinks of herself as being a slut. She said she doesn't even though she may have been when she was younger.
Howard had Gary read the next description of what Sam did with a guy. She said, once again, that he was a great kisser. The choices were Andrew McCarthy, John Cusack and Judd Nelson. The guys guessed that it was Andrew McCarthy. It was actually Judd Nelson. Howard wanted to keep the girls around until after he took a commercial break.
Howard wanted a chance to feel her up as well so he had Gary give them another description. She said she never had sex with this guy. He took good care of her though. The choices were Julian Lennon, Brian Adams and Richard Marx. Howard was ready to give up because he had no idea. Julian Lennon was the correct answer. Howard got to feel up Nikki's breasts and squeeze her ass. He said her breasts did feel real. He also got to feel her ass.
Howard wanted to see Sam's boobs but she said they were all screwed up from the seven operations she's had on them. She said that there are certain people who shouldn't get boob jobs and she was one of them. Howard said he didn't care after that so he just had Gary read off the names of the guys she's been with. Here are some of those names and some of the comments she had about them:
Howard read another article about his comments about what's been going on with Clear Channel. Artie said that there was a huge lie in the article where it said that Rush Limbaugh had never heard Howard's show. Artie pointed out that Rush once said that he liked a bit that Howard did. Howard said that Rush's credibility isn't all that great after everything that went on with him and his drug investigation.
Howard and Artie talked about how great the game with Sam Phillips and Nikki Nova was earlier in the show. Even with all of the crap going on with Clear Channel, they were still able to feel up a couple of women.
Howard played tape of John Hogan from Clear Channel talking about how Howard Stern and Bubba the Love Sponge don't have any place on their radio stations. Howard said he can't see himself coming back to those stations he was suspended from. Stuttering John came in and was about to tell Howard and Robin what that guy looks like but he held back and wouldn't say anything. Howard figures he's not doing that stuff because he has his new job with Leno and he doesn't want to get in trouble. Howard asked him why he didn't come in and play the game earlier with them. He said that Howard didn't ask him to. Howard asked him if he got one of the girls naked right then if he would feel them up. He said he wouldn't because he's going to dinner with his wife tonight.
Howard continued to listen to the tapes of John Hogan apologizing for having Howard and Bubba on their airwaves. Howard said that they've had him on their airwaves for 10 years so it's not like they just hired him yesterday. Plus, he didn't do anything wrong and even the FCC didn't have anything to hold against him.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who said she was really pissed that they took away a show she enjoyed listening to. She wanted to know what they can do to stop this nonsense but even Howard doesn't know. He told her that there's really nothing that they can do. He said that the only thing he's asking is that people don't vote for George Bush. He said he's not saying that the Democrats are any better but to show support for his show you just have to not vote for Bush. The woman sounded on the verge of tears as she was saying goodbye to him.
Howard took a call from another woman who was calling from Miami. She wanted Howard to do something about this but there's nothing that he can do. They're using him as a scapegoat. The woman said she knows how to change the station herself and doesn't want someone doing it for her.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that it seems that the people who are complaining are a small minority of the population. Howard said that the American Family Association pays people to write letters about this stuff to make it look like more people are complaining. Howard told the caller that he really doesn't know what else to do. Howard had Robin start her news after that.