Howard was complaining about the heat in the studio again this morning. He was also talking about all how everything is gay these days. He said there were a bunch of articles in the news over the weekend that he brought up. He said that Harvey Firestein was out talking about how AIDS isn't a glamorous thing but there are some gay guys out there spreading it saying that it is. Howard said they're showing well toned gay guys in some HIV fighting drugs and gay guys are seeing that and thinking that's how you can look when they have AIDS. Howard said he also read an article about black men and women having a high rate of HIV and how guys won't use condoms with other guys because they think they're just for sissys. Then they go home to their wives and bang them, spreading the HIV. Howard went on to say that the Pope is out there condemning gay sex, gay marriages and gay adoptions so these gay guys are forced to stay in the closet and end up keeping their gay lives secret while keeping a wife and family. Howard said that has to stop. He went on to say that the Pope is a guy who has been protecting child molesters for years and he's helping cause other problems. Howard said one of the articles he read was in the NY Times so he said the whole point of the discussion was to point out that he reads the NY Times.
Howard went on to talk about an article about Mia Farrow's son marrying a black woman and how the relationship came about. He read that in the NY Times as well so he was bragging about too. He was talking about how the NY Times once asked him to write a story for the NY Times one time but didn't think he could do it very well for that paper. He also asked them what it paid. When they told him it didn't pay anything, he said ''no way'' to them. Robin said when she reads that paper, she doesn't see any of those stories that Howard sees. Howard went on to talk about how the NY Times printed an obituary for Bob Hope that was written by a guy who died a few years ago himself. He and Robin discussed that for a minute.
Howard said that his mother called him over the weekend about how he was on the cover of the NY Post. Howard said he was on it because they did their annual story about celebrities who have gun licenses in New York. He said his mother didn't want to talk about the fact that he has guns so they ended up talking about how they make Howard look bad in that paper but Howard still likes it because of the gossip stories they carry. He said they harp on the fact that he has a gun license in the paper. He said his mother hates the fact that he has a gun. He said years ago he told his mother he was getting a license but wasn't going to get a gun. He was getting a gun but didn't want to tell her that because she'd get so upset with him.
Howard said later this week they have Dennis Rodman coming in after he rescheduled last week. He said Rodman seems to be playing a game with them.
Howard took a call from a woman who read a quick article about Ben Affleck being at a strip club and having sex with him there. Howard said that he heard that the girls from the strip club came out over the weekend and said there was absolutely no sex going on because they could lose their liquor license. Howard and Robin said they think if they come out and say that it means it's probably true. Howard went on to talk about how disturbed J-Lo seems to be now that she's getting married for the third time at the age of 33. Howard talked about how their latest movie ''Gigli'' bombed over the weekend and their relationship will probably fall apart after that. He said that the director of that movie said that Ben and J-Lo will probably never work together in a movie again. Artie pointed out how poor Kevin Smith has a movie ready to go with the two of them. Howard said if Kevin's movie makes $2 million, he'll look at it like it's a hit so it's no big deal for him. The guys spent another couple of minutes talking about Ben allegedly getting oral in that strip club they were talking about. Howard said that their relationship won't survive this movie ''Gigli'' bombing. He said Ben has too many options with women as well. Howard said he had to take a break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard said he was grilling over the weekend and made some Beer Can Chicken. He said he had to thank his buddy Steven Raichlen again for his help in the grilling area. He told Robin how he did this chicken. He said he made up a rub for the chicken, put that on, then stood the chicken on the beer can and stuck the chicken in the middle of the grill so it had indirect heat on it. He had that going with his smoker box so it had a hickory taste to it. Howard said the beer steams the chicken and it comes out fully cooked with a golden brown, crispy chicken. He said he made salmon on the grill as well. He said he also had a woman helping him cook and she made some figs with mozzarella and oregano on them. Howard also made some scallops and some vegetables as well. He was grilling up a bunch of stuff. He said he put in a good couple of hours creating the meal. He said he started shopping at two in the afternoon and he had dinner ready by 7:30 that night. Howard gave this guy Steve Raichlen again because it was his book ''How to Grill: The Complete Illustrated Book of Barbecue Techniques'' that got him into the whole grilling thing. Howard was telling Robin and the guys about all of this food he made and how good it was. Artie and Robin said the stuff sounded really good and would love to try it. Howard said he was grilling for his neighbors over the weekend and it was relaxing for him.
Howard said Scott DePace is his grilling buddy and he was probably grilling up a storm over the weekend as well. Scott came in and said he made some Asian Shrimp and some vegetables. Howard said he's been growing his own herbs and spices as well. He said he grows his own rosemary and stuff like that. DePace said he cooked some ''chicken under a brick'' where you wrap a brick in aluminum foil and put it on the chicken. Howard said it comes out nice and even when you cook it that way. DePace said he had some problems with bees flying around his grill. He was also complaining about the heat while he's out cooking. He said he's thinking of getting an industrial sized fan to keep him cool. Scott and Howard spent a couple of minutes sharing their grilling stories. This guy Steve Raichlen has gotten Howard so into grilling that he's now talking about going fishing to catch fresh fish to grill. He said he's got a guy out on Long Island that offered to take him fishing really late at night. He said he may just do that.
Howard said he was also reading scripts over the weekend. He said he read one script for a movie that's really dark and he's not sure what people would think. He said it's a dark comedy but it's really dark. He would be producing in it, not starring in it, if he does anything at all. He also mentioned that he was reading some TV show scripts.
Robin brought up the TV show ''Sex and the City'' and how good it was this weekend. Howard said he liked the episode as well. Robin said they have a web site that they promote during the show and doesn't know who is going on a site like that. Howard said he hopes that no one is going on that site but said they may have to check it out.
Howard said he went to see his former publicist's new movie over the weekend. He said this guy Dan Klores made a documentary about his childhood growing up in Brooklyn. He said he heard that Showtime ended up buying the movie from the guy. He said he saw ''The Boys of 2nd Street Park'' and really liked it. He said if he saw it on Showtime though, he'd probably just buzz right past it because it's a documentary and there's just a bunch of guys talking. Howard said he went to Dan's house and he had valet parking and tons of people there that were taking pictures and doing interviews. He said it was a big mistake to go.
Howard said he saw Dominic Barbara at Dan Klores' party even though he wasn't invited. Howard said Dominic got himself invited to the party just so he could show Howard his 30 pound weight loss. Howard said Dominic losing 30 pounds is like throwing a chair off the Queen Mary. He said he couldn't even tell he lost any weight. Howard said he talked to Dominic about the food he eats these days after getting his stomach operation. Dominic called in and said that he wasn't stalking Howard like he was claiming he was. Howard told Dominic that Dan Klores was really upset with the way he was acting at the movie premiere. Dominic said that wasn't true and he didn't bug anyone about going to the premiere. Howard went on to tell Dominic that he really can't tell that he's lost weight. He also said he thinks that Dominic might be one of those guys who looks better fat than thin. Dominic seems to think that Howard is jealous of him because he looks better than him now. Howard told Dominic that he's still going to have man-boobs and saddlebags even after he loses the weight. He said his ass will sag like an elephant as well. Dominic said he's going to go to Bally's to do something with them. Dominic ended up goofing on how slow Howard drives. He said he was following him to a restaurant and said that Howard drives at about 11 miles per hour. Howard said he didn't know where he was, that's why he was driving so slow. Dominic ended up getting off the phone but Howard and Artie spent another minute talking about how he's going to figure out a way to gain weight even though he's got this band around his stomach now. Howard had to take another break after that.
KC was in the studio so Howard asked him if he's called the psychiatrist they talked about last week. KC said he'd be calling this week since he never got to it last week. Howard said a lot of people have been sending in gay song parodies for KC. One guy did one where he's supposed to be Cabbie singing to KC. The same guy did a bit where he did KC's voice as if he was in the movie ''Fame.'' It was pretty funny stuff and it had Howard, Artie and Robin laughing. The same guy did a song parody to the tune of ''Sweet Cherry Pie'' called ''Sweet Hairy Pie'' that was also pretty funny. Howard said that guy should hook up with Sal the Stockbroker since they both seem to have a lot of spare time to make song parodies. Howard said he had to play some of this guy's stuff since he spent so much time on it. He played one more song parody the guy did to the tune of ''Boys of Summer.''
Howard moved on to talk about Lara Flynn Boyle and how she's gotten way too skinny. He said he often says that women can't bee ''too thin'' but she's managed to do it. He read a few other things from the news about Fran Drescher getting back together with her ex-husband. He also read a story about Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman's relationship and how Ethan may be cheating on her.
Howard said that Doug Goodstein from E! was out playing golf with OJ Simpson over the weekend. He said he's not so thrilled that Doug was with him but he did manage to get OJ to leave them a message. In the message OJ pretty much tells Howard and Robin ''F-you.'' Howard said Doug seems to think that it's no big deal to have golfed with the guy. Gary came in and said that Doug wasn't in yet even though he was supposed to be in at 7 this morning. Howard seemed to get a little pissed about that because Doug was out playing golf all weekend with OJ but couldn't make it in on time today.
Howard quickly mentioned how they've just canceled the show ''Lucky'' on the FX network. That's the show that replaced ''Son of the Beach'' when they canceled it. Howard said he just thought it was weird that they canceled ''Son of the Beach'' and replaced it with that show.
Howard said he had trouble with his computer over the weekend and found out it was because their computer guys made some changes that they didn't tell anyone about. They figured if anyone was effected by it, they'd worry about it then. Howard said that's the computer they all communicate with one another on so it's kind of ridiculous that they'd do something like that.
Howard quickly read an e-mail they got from some guy who claims to have been a camera man on those Bambi Hunts they talked about last week. The guy said that the guy who was in said a bunch of stuff that wasn't true at all and he's going to end up going to jail over it.
Howard read an article about journalist Al Brumley who has a brain tumor. Howard said that Al wrote a bunch of nice articles about him down in Dallas. Howard read some of the article and what Al has been going through lately. Howard said he wants to get in touch with the guy so he can talk to him.
Howard brought up the movie ''Gigli'' again and talked about what a flop it was. It only made about $4 million in it's opening weekend. Howard jokingly said he read that the movie was so bad that someone punched Matt Damon even though he wasn't in the movie. He spent a minute talking about that before he found out that Al Brumley was on the phone.
Howard moved on to some other stuff after Al's call. He took a call from a guy who said that he had some advice for Al and how he can cure himself. The guy said he was suffering from MS and ended up going on a vegan diet and managed to make himself better. The guy said Al can check out RawFood.com to find out more about what to eat.
After that Howard took a call from a guy who said that Kate Hudson will be on David Letterman's show tonight so he was thinking of going down and harassing her. Howard said he doesn't want anyone harassing her though. He said she really is getting better looking these days but her politics are just all out of whack. He played a new bit they put together about her. It was a parody of the Bud Light commercials but this was for ''Real American A-Holes'' parody.
Howard brought up the fact that Kobe Bryant was at some teen award show over the weekend running around with his wife waving at people. Artie said David Spade was hosting the show so they should call him and ask him about that. Howard said he spoke to David over the weekend. He said Spade had a birthday party recently and had a bunch of celebrities there. He had Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore there so Howard wondered how he knows them. He and Robin spent a short time talking about that before Howard had to take another break.
Howard and Robin spent a few seconds wondering what Miss Girls Gone Wild actually does. They then brought in Donna Sun who is Miss Girls Gone Wild (Get Girls Gone Wild here) . Howard asked her how she got that title. She told him that she did a contest down in Texas and a bunch of judges picked her as the winner. Snoop Dogg was a judge in that contest. She went on to tell Howard that she has graduated college but didn't say exactly what it is that she does to make money. She said that her parents still help her out and the Girls Gone Wild thing is paying her. She said she won $25,000 in that contest. She said there was a talent contest and she had to spin a wheel where she had to do stuff with another girl. Howard asked her if she ever did anything with girls before. She said she did stuff with some friends of hers back when she was in high school. She said they were all in the pool at the time and all started making out. They'd been smoking some weed at the time.
Howard noticed that Donna was having trouble sitting still. It looked like she had some issues with her skirt so he told her to just get naked. She said she just wanted to dance. Howard had Fred play some music but she wasn't into the song. She wanted some rock music instead of the stuff Fred was playing.
Howard got back to Donna's lesbian sex story. She said she got oral from her friends one time and that was it. She hasn't done it since then. Howard joked that he did the same thing with a couple of guys when he was in high school. Howard wondered if she was a wild girl in school. She said that she was pretty wild in college and then did a bunch of Canadian guys for some reason. She also banged a hockey player. She said he was a great one night stand because he did her really good. She said she loves rough sex so Howard asked her what that means. She said it's when there's a lot of hard banging and pulling of hair. She said she also likes to see herself doing it as well. She said she likes mirrors in the room. At one point she said she likes ''Expeditionists'' so Howard was going to let her go on with that but Artie spoiled it and said he thought she meant ''exhibitionists.'' Howard sarcastically thanked him for straightening that out for her.
Howard read some other stuff about what Donna has done in her life as far as sex. Robin also asked her what else she did in the Girls Gone Wild contest. She told them that she did a lot of humping the ground and stuff like that.
Howard read that Donna banged the bass player of a rock band and he banged her good as well. Howard said she's done a lot for someone who's only 24 years old. She didn't seem to think it was all that much stuff though.
Howard took some phone calls for Donna and let a few people talk to her. Jeff the Drunk called in to talk to her. The guys spent a short time talking to Jeff about how he lost his driver's license. He hasn't been able to work stamping hands at the pool like he did last year. Artie did his impression of Jeff for a minute before Jeff asked Donna to come up and give him some sex. The delay got hit a couple of times during that segment so a few things were missed.
Howard told Donna to show the camera her feet. He just wanted to look up her skirt of course. That apparently worked pretty well because Artie thanked the E! guys for the panty shots they were giving him.
Howard took a call from someone who was looking for a ''Paul Brostein.'' Howard had Artie do his impression of Jeff the Drunk as he pretended to be the guy he was looking for. The guy was calling in from Atlanta, Georgia so Howard let him stay on the line for a minute. He asked the guy if he wanted a date with Donna. He had no clue what was going on but he was being really polite so Howard told him he'd better try and call the right number.
Howard had Donna get up and dance to some Lenny Kravitz music. Howard said she ran right to the middle of the studio and started dancing. She took her top off a minute later. The guys said she had pretty big boobs for an Asian chick. Howard told her she was a pretty good dancer. He wanted to see her ass but she said she doesn't really have one. She showed him what it looked like so he joked that she had the ass of a man but it was no big deal. He wrapped up the segment a short time later and gave her some plugs for the Girls Gone Wild video stuff. You can check her out at GirlsGoneWild.com.
As Howard was trying to wrap up the segment, Donna asked if she could spin the Wheel of Sex. Howard let her do that and it ended up on ''10 Vibrators.'' The guys all come in and hold sticks that have vibrators at the end of them. All of the guys stick the vibrators on her and try to get her off. All of the guys were sticking the vibrators down her shirt and all over her body. She said it wasn't getting her off though. Benjy was apparently sticking his vibrator up her skirt but Howard told Artie not to mention what was going on. Howard told Donna to just sit back and relax for a short time. She got into it a little bit when Stuttering John hit a good spot. Howard had the guys give up after a couple of minutes. Benjy said his vibrator got stuck at one point. Howard applauded her for going through that and said she really is ''Miss Girls Gone Wild.'' He gave her another plug for the web site and wrapped up the interview.
Howard went on to read a letter that some nutty guy wrote to him about how he gave him advice about his career and is now asking for $250,000 for helping him out. Howard said he never went to the restaurant the guy mentioned and wouldn't have been around that area in 1973 liek the guy claimed. Gary told Howard that he met a guy who claimd to have given Howard oral back stage at a KISS concert one time. Howard said he's never even been to a KISS concert.
Howard read another letter he got about his failed marriage and also about how Robin and Howard will both be going to hell together.
Howard said Gary went into their disgusting bathroom there at the station today and foudn that they'd installed some plug in odor sticks in there and a can of lysol to get rid of the stink. Howard said the smell is worse than a port-a-pottie. Gary told Howard that they took a hair they found on a bar of soap in the bathroom and sent it to the people at Court TV to find out if it was a pubic hair or not. Gary said they weren't able to tell if it was a pubic hair but did find out that it is from a person who has a mother of African descent. Gary said that narrows it down to about 4 peopel who work at the station. Howard said he doesn't think it really matters anyway so they're going to give up on the search.
Howard played some voice mail they've gotten lately. One guy called in asking about Kendra Jade's shiny dress she was wearing on the E! show last week. Howard said they'd have to contact KEndra about that but she's mad at them right now. He doesnt' think she likes them anymore so they probably wouldn't be able to find out where it came from.
Howard took a call from a guy who sadi that Carly Simon is going to reveal who the song ''You're So Vain'' was all about. Howard talked to the guy about that for a minute and said he was looking forward to finding out who the song was about. He then got back to the voice mail. One guy went off on Kate Hudson for a minute. Howard said that Kate is just a naive 20 year old (even though she's 24).
Vin the Retard called and left a message asking why he can't get on the show. He was upset that they weren't allowing him on for his birthday or something like that. Howard said he hasn't been keeping him off for any reason and he's always welcome on the show. They just don't have him on every day.
A few guys called in and asked when this segment is going to be on the E! show. Howard said he's not sure about that and it's going to be pretty disturbing to see when he whacks her ass. Robin wondered if she'd be willing to play ''It's Just Wrong.'' Double A called in and asked if Howard got wood while he was spanking her. Howard just laughed and took another call from Captain Janks. Janks said that was the most disgusting thing he'd ever heard on the show. He said he was pleasuring himself and when she came on, he just shriveled up. Artie later said it was ''like spanking Sponge Bob'' when he spanked her ass. Howard said it was as close to a dead person as he's ever been. He said the only thing missing was the maggots.
Gary asked Howard what the verdict was. Howard told him ''no'' and said Tarantino isn't going to talk about anything so he's not going to be on. He was on one other time and didn't tell them anything interesting. Howard had Robin get back to her news after discussing that for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he was tired this morning and complained about having to get up so early in the morning. He quickly moved on to talk about the new FOX TV show called ''OC'' that he might have to start watching. Robin said she saw that he might be interested in it because it looks like it could be another ''90210.''
Howard changed subjects again and said that Benjy has been losing some weight lately and is looking pretty good. Robin said she likes the glasses he's wearing as well. Howard called him a ''chubby George Clooney'' and then shut off his microphone because he'd kept it open a little too long. Howard said Artie hasn't lost any weight and went on to talk about how he hasn't kept up on the make over the guys did on him last week. He didn't stick with it for long. By the weekend he was back to his normal look and clothing. Howard said he read that those guys from ''Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'' are going to make over Jay Leno. Howard said Jay is made over by his make-up people every night so there's no point in having those guys make him over. He goofed on Jay for a short time about that as he did his impression of Jay.
Howard spent a short time talking about Kobe Bryant getting dropped by a sponsor because of the alleged rape of a young woman. Howard said it was probably a bad idea for the company to drop him because he'd never heard of the product anyway. He goofed on that for a short time and created phony commercials for this Nutella product. He did that for a minute and then brought up how Mike Tyson has filed for bankruptcy and is blaming Don King for that.
Howard took a call from a listener who talked about the use of curse words on CNN. Howard told the guy they're allowed to do that because they're on cable. He then had to take a break so he quickly mentioned some of the stuff they had coming up later in the morning including Simon Cowell calling in and Otto and George sitting in for the news later in the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about the Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez thing. He wondered if their relationship is real or just a publicity stunt. Howard said he thinks the relationship is ridiculous but real. He said Jennifer has been married two times already and is on her way to a third so she may be mentally ill. He read an article about the two of them that said they may have split up already. Howard said that it seems like their relationship is based on everything in their careers going perfect so they probably don't have a chance of making it.
A woman called in and said she thought Howard was saying that his father was being abusive. Howard said his father wasn't abusive, he may have been distant to him as a child but it was because he was a busy guy. Howard and the woman spent a short time talking about that. Howard said he probably could have been closer to his father when he was young but it just didn't happen. He said he knows people who had relationships like that but he didn't. He said things could have been better but they could have been worse too.
Another caller brought up an article that was written about celebrities who can carry guns. Howard said that article comes out every year but this time it was more publicized this year when the NY Post made a big deal out of it. Howard said he's had a gun license for over 10 years now and it's nothing new. Robin wasn't aware that you had to license every gun you own. She seemed to think that you didn't have to tell everyone about it. Howard talked about these guys who he's met who have every gun you can imagine. He said some guys walk around with holsters in the gun range and you don't know who you can trust.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to know what happened on Letterman's show last night with Kate Hudson. Howard wasn't sure if anything happened and thought that they were going to send someone down there to bug her. The guys reminded him that he said he didn't want to harass her.
Howard took some more phone calls after that. One guy brought up Rush Limbaugh so Howard ended up going off on him. He was talking about what a shill for the Republican party Limbaugh seems to be. Howard said the guy does have a career and some people like listening to a show where you know exactly what the guy thinks. Howard also seems to think that Limbaugh didn't get a real career until he heard the Stern show and saw how popular he got. He got the balls to talk about what he wanted to talk about so Howard was taking credit for creating that. He said he's changed the face of broadcasting. Artie talked about how he doesn't want to have Rush Limbaugh announcing football games. He seems to think that Limbaugh's comments will just get in the way of the game. Robin said she listened to the show one day and heard a listener get so bored with what Rush was saying that he had to hang up the phone. Howard continued to talk about Limbaugh for a couple of minutes and said that all of those fans of his who called themselves ''Ditto Heads'' should all just be gone. He said there's no reason for them to be around. He had to take a break after that discussion.
Howard moved on to play the Top 5 songs after the George Takei stuff. He said he hasn't been listening to much music lately. He said he just got into the Coldplay album recently. He played some of the songs on the top 5 and said he didn't really know much about the artists. During the top 5 Howard threw in Sal the Stockbroker's ''Do the Booey'' song parody. Howard also said you have to check out Sal's web site because he has a great cartoon for his new song parody ''Toothenima'' where Baba Booey is doing a bunch of funny stuff. He vacuums the house, washes the windows and does a bunch of other stuff around the house. Howard showed it to Robin as he watched it on his computer. Check it out yourself at HorseToothJackass.com. Howard got back to the top 5 songs and played another artist he'd never heard of. He quickly blew through the rest of them and got to this minister he had on the phone.
Howard moved on to some other stuff he had to talk about. He complained about the fact that his show is pushed to the back page of the company newsletter even though it brings in a lot of money for them. He said it would be nice to be on the cover with Mel (Karmazin).
Howard also mentioned that he heard that Cane and Cabbie, their afternoon DJs in New York, had a big fight in the hall before their show yesterday. He said he heard that Cabbie was mad at Cane for using one of his ideas during an interview he did. Cane told Cabbie he didn't want him there on the show so he wanted him to go home. Gary told Howard that Cane was yelling at Cabbie to go home. Gary said the next thing he knew they were on the air doing their show like nothing had happened. He said he sat and listened for an hour to see if they said anything. Nothing ever came out on the air though. The guys were wondering what the whole fight was about but Gary wasn't sure what it was.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him what his thoughts on Arnold Schwarzenegger running for Governor were. Howard said he doesn't think that Arnold will run because he doesn't need that. He said when you run for an office like that, you really have to be dedicated to the job and he doesn't think that Arnold is going to do it.
Howard took another call from a guy who complained about Howard's support of George W. Bush. He and Howard spent a couple of minutes arguing about Bush's politics and whether or not he should be arrested for his actions in office. Howard said Bush probably won't be reelected after everything that's happened.
Howard took some more phone calls. One guy brought up this ''American Idol'' show in the city. Howard said his daughter went to it and said that Ruben Studdard sucked but Clay Aiken was really good and put on a great show. Howard and the guy spent a short time talking about that. Robin brought up the fact that ''American Idol'' Kelly Clarkson is now a spokesperson for Candies shoes which are Howard's favorites. Howard said they must air brush her a lot to make her look the way she does in the ads because she doesn't look like that. Howard said Fred told him that they have stuff around her mid section so you can't see her fat belly.
Howard had tape of Nick Nolte being interviewed on Good Morning America. Nolte talks about his drug addiction during the interview. Nolte talks about using GHB and how the use of the term ''the Date Rape Drug'' is a misnomer because no one raped him when he took it. Howard goofed on him about that a little bit. Howard said he'd love to have Nolte on his show because he'd be a great interview. He played most of the interview but screwed up and didn't play the beginning of it. He got to it after playing the rest of it though. Nolte rambles a little bit about the drug use and some other wacky stuff during the interview. Artie and Howard were doing impressions of Nolte's deep, husky voice. Howard had to take another break after doing that for a few minutes.
Howard said he read that Simon just signed on to do three more years with ''American Idol.'' Howard read that he's going to get $150,000 per episode. Howard thought that he wanted a lot more money than that and wondered why he buckled. Simon said he can't talk about that stuff because he signed a confidentiality agreement. He wouldn't say exactly what he's making but did say that Howard did him a favor the last time he was on the show. He couldn't give him details though. Howard wondered what Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson are getting for the new season but Simon said he doesn't know and doesn't care.
Howard read that ''Cupid'' only had about 7 million viewers which isn't horrible, but isn't that great for a network program. Simon said they're moving the show up an hour and he thinks that the show is really good. Howard said the reviews of the show were really good as well.
Howard spoke to Simon about Randy Jackson going in to get stomach surgery so he can lose weight. Simon said he's kind of upset about that and prefers that Randy looks the way he looks. Howard said that Simon has been complaining about the people who appear on ''American Idol'' and how they don't have enough good looking people on the show. Simon said that they really do want good looking people to come in and audition for the show. Robin said that she got tired of the show after last season because of the songs they were singing.
Simon and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini. Howard seems to think that Justin's career is pretty much over after the movie he did with Kelly. They also talked about Kelly Clarkson and how she refuses to lose weight to conform to the Hollywood image thing. Howard brought up the Candies shoes ad she just did and how they air brushed her pictures to make her look glamorous.
Howard gave Simon a plug for ''Cupid'' and said it airs Tuesday nights at 9. Simon thought it aired on Wednesday for some reason. A listener called in and said that the show is actually really good and Howard would love it. Another guy called in and said that he loves the show but Simon has to stay out of the sun because he looks ridiculous with a tan. Yet another guy called in and said that his show is contributing the stupidity of the American culture. Howard told the guy that all television contributes to that and we love it. Mariann from Brooklyn also called in and said she loves the show. She did her usual thing rambling on for a minute getting out her thoughts as quick as possible and then singing about Howard. Simon seemed a little thrown off by the call but quickly recovered and moved on. Howard had to wrap up the call after 15 minutes or so.
A gay guy called in and went off on Artie about the stuff he was saying about gay guys. He said he's stopped listening to the show because of the way Artie talks about gays during the show. The guy said he finds Artie to be homophobic but Artie told the guy that he'd go out drinking with him to prove that he's not. Howard put the guy on hold so they could set up that date. Howard then played the ''Real American A-Hole'' commercial parody again as he went to break.
Howard said that Otto and George are coming in a little later and he heard that the puppet, George, had a make over. He'd have to wait a little while before seeing it though.
A phone caller asked Howard if he fears getting old and dying. Howard said he doesn't like getting older but he's lucky that his penis is still working and things are going okay so far. Howard also said he is afraid to die but everyone has to go through that eventually. The caller talked about how he was writing his mother's eulogy and wondered if Howard thinks about that happening. Howard said he thinks that his parents will nag him the rest of his life. He said he likes the company of his parents and isn't looking forward to their deaths. He said he doesn't want either of them to go because he does like being around them even if they did nag him as a young man. The caller and Howard ended up talking about the death of his mother and how he's waiting until Saturday to bury her. He said that his uncles are running it and want to make sure the family can all come to the funeral. He also told Howard how she died after going in for a simple operation. There were a bunch of complications and she ended up dying though. Howard told the guy he might want to open up with a joke. He and Artie came up with a couple of things he could use in his eulogy and goofed around with that. Howard said that the real idea of a eulogy is to make people cry. Howard said that he's a horrible public speaker himself. He went on to talk about a speech he made at his niece's bat mitzvah. He said he didn't write anything and just said a few things for a minute or so. His mother then critiqued his speech and told him he could have done better. He didn't ask to make the speech and complained about his mother giving him a hard time about it.
Howard had the caller read what he had in his eulogy. The guy read it but Howard seemed to think it wasn't personal enough. Howard told him he might need to cry a little bit in the thing. The guy said he'd been crying for the past two months. Artie said that he had to write his father's eulogy and included an event that he and his father had gone through. Howard listened to the rest of the guy's eulogy and told him it needs some more work. A couple of callers told the guy to change some stuff and maybe play '''Dust in the Wind'' during it. The guy who suggested the song said that he cried when he played the song. Howard and Artie sang a little bit of the song but they quickly started singing some other stuff from KISS and AC/DC. Artie was doing a eulogy as a bad Top 40 DJ while ''I Wanna Rock N Roll'' was playing in the background. The guy writing the eulogy said he liked it. Howard wrapped up the call with that guy and told him he was sorry to hear about his mother. Howard said a guy called in to talk about Eulogy.com where they'll write one for you. Artie said it would be funny to read a eulogy as George Takei and did his impression for a few seconds.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he went to marriage therapy with his wife and ended up talking about how he'd had affairs during his marriage. Howard told the guy, once you're honest, the marriage is over. He was going to give him some more advice but the guy ended up hanging up on him. Howard said women will bring guys to a female marriage counselors and the therapist will always be on the woman's side. Howard said there's really no room for honesty in a marriage. Robin corrected him and said there's no room for honest in a relationship. Howard said Fred was able to go through marriage counseling successfully so he asked him what happened there. Fred said that you go through it and a light just goes off at one point and things work out. Howard talked about his own marriage counseling and how the office where he went was right outside a modeling agency. He said he sat in his car watching models coming and going while waiting in the limo. He said no one puts a marriage counselor next to a modeling agency.
Otto told Howard that his brother left his family sitting in the curb today because he had to come in with him this morning. Otto said his brother has been there already but he had to come in again so he postponed a camping trip with the family. Howard took a break after talking to Otto for a few minutes. Otto and George stuck around to hang out during Robin's news after that.
Howard gave Otto and George a couple of plugs for upcoming appearances. They're appering around the country and you can find out more about booking him at MillerComedy.com. Howard had the puppet say a few words even thought Otto didn't seem too into it at the time. Once he got into it though, he went off on Howard and the guys for a minute. Howard then had Robin start the news. During the news Howard talked about Otto about the Rascals Comedy club in West Orange, New Jersey and how they've closed. Otto said he hated the guy that ran the place and knew they'd go out of business. He said some stuff about the guy and the club that Howard hit the delay on. He told Otto me probably wouldn't say that (whatever it was) because he wasn't sure it was true. Otto said that place used to be the best club around but that guy took it and drove it into the ground in a year and a half. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in to defend the Rascals comedy club. He said that they didn't go out of business, they just moved locations. He also told Howard why Otto was kicked out of the club after spitting on someone's picture at the club. Otto said he'd rather not talk about whose picture it was that he spit on. He went off on Chaunce a little bit and said that the reason the West Orange Rascals went under was because they owed a lot of people money. On their web site, they claim that they're just moving the club to a different area. Otto called the owner a ''dirty Spic'' during this discussion. Later, during the news, a guy called in and said they're opening the new club on Bloomfield Avenue in October. The club will be bigger according to the caller. The guy claimed that he was the landlord for the new club but Otto said that they couldn't even sell out the old club so why would they move to a bigger place? A couple other people called in to complain about Otto even being on the show. There were quite a few angry listeners complaining about Otto for some reason. Artie said that Otto and George are great though so he didn't understand it.
Howard said Dennis Rodman is scheduled to be on the show but he won't be surprised if he doesn't show up. Howard went right to the phones after that. A guy asked Howard if he had the chance to be better looking than he is but his life would be shortened by 10 or 15 years, would he take it. Howard said ''no'' to the question but then thought about it. He said if he was originally supposed to live to 100 years old and he'd only be taken back to 85, he'd probably do it. Howard said he managed to overcome his handicap kind of like Steven Hawking did.
Another caller asked Howard if he saw Jamie Lee Curtis' stomach on Jay Leno's show last night. Howard said he didn't see that but has seen some pictures of her lately and she's let herself go. Howard said she used to have a great body but she just didn't exercise and looks pretty bad now.
Another caller told Howard he saw his girlfriend Beth on E! last night and she looked great. She made over J.D. on last night's show and looked really good according to the caller. The guy also said that J.D. didn't seem to change all that much when she made him over. The caller also wondered how this guy Double A manages to make it up to the studio to get pictures taken with Beth. They told him that Double A just asks and they let him up. That led to Fred goofing on Double A's unique voice for a short time. Howard said Beth thought she looked horrible on the show last night so Howard said he had to make her feel better by telling her she looked great. He also said he ended up getting aroused while he was watching it. He said Beth thought he might be getting aroused watching himself.
High Pitch Erik called in on a crappy cell phone and said he wanted a make over as well. Howard said he'd talk to him more about that but his phone made that impossible.
Another caller told Howard that the show is getting really gay with Artie's make over and last night's make over for J.D. The guy also thought that Beth was a ''beard'' for Howard because he's actually gay himself. Howard played along with that for a minute before he hung up on the guy.
Double A called in and said that they really have to get Beth on the E! show more. He watched the show so he could see Beth of course. He seems to be in love with her.
Yet another caller said he had a ton of clips that he wanted to play for Howard but Howard seemed to get bored just listening to all of the stuff he was talking about. Howard said the guy was making him mental but did say he'd like him put on the list for ''Win Fred's Money'' so he can meet him.
Howard moved on to another caller who said that Howard looks kind of awkward on the E! show most of the time. That led to Howard complaining about the ceiling height in the studio and how he's begged for higher ceilings since they moved into their current studio. He said Tom Chiusano promised him high ceilings but never delivered. He said the ceilings in this studio are actually lower than the old studio. Howard said Tom claims that he never asked about ceiling height. Howard said he also asked for some decent air conditioning and didn't get that either.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he got in trouble with his wife after watching the E! show. He said he was moaning Beth's name in his sleep and his wife got pissed at him. The guy asked for a prize after telling the story so he may have been full of crap.
A caller asked Howard if he's seen Debbie Schlussel lately. Howard talked about her for a minute and said she needs a make over herself. The caller also asked Howard what happened to the house arrest chick who was on the show recently and got in trouble with her parole officer when he found out she'd left her house. Howard said they don't want to talk about that because they don't want to get her in anymore trouble. The guy also heard that Howard was mugged a few months ago so he wondered about that. Howard said he knew nothing about being mugged and didn't know what he was talking about. The caller said he saw a report on TV about it so Howard might want to check into that.
A few more callers brought up last night's show with Beth. Howard said he knows he's going to get a bunch of people complaining that they're talking about her too much.
A short time later Shuli called in and asked Howard if he's getting sick of guys undressing and banging Beth with their eyes when they go out in public. Howard said he doesn't mind that at all because that's her business. Her job is to look good and that's what she does. Shuli also asked Howard who on his staff knows the biggest secret about him that could ruin him. Howard said he guesses it would be Gary but Gary said that Howard talks about just about everything on the air. Shuli also asked about who was the person who took advantage of the show the most. Howard talked about how Jackie would take tons of water and other products that they got on the show and took them. He also had all kinds of side deals to wear t-shirts and stuff like that according to Howard and the guys. Howard said Jackie even took home the fish they used to beat a woman on the ass. Howard said Jackie said it was a perfectly good fish and they shouldn't throw it away. He took it home and ate it himself. They also brought up the fact that Jackie used Mike Gange's toothbrush when he stayed over at his place one night. Shuli changed subjects again when he asked about KC and his crazy mental talks. Howard said KC was telling guys on the show that the discussions they had were all a bit and he's not as crazy as he seems. Howard said KC told him it wasn't a bit but told everyone else that it was. Howard had KC come in to explain himself. KC said that he tells people stuff like that is a bit so he doesn't have to explain it to them. He told Howard that he called Dominic Barbara to get his shrink's number so he can make an appointment to get some help. Howard said he believes that KC will get some help because he told him he would. He took his word and seems to think that it's good.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard how great Beth was on the show last night. She said some nice stuff about Beth and told Howard how they deserve each other.
People started calling in to complain about the Beth discussions. Howard told one guy that Beth was on E! last night so that's what has prompted all of the calls about her. The guy said that we never saw Howard's wife doing make overs on the show but Howard told him that it was just one special occasion. Howard went to break a short time after that call.
A caller said that he thinks that Howard has started gaining weight over the past year or so. Howard told the guy that he's the thinnest he's been at this point so he doesn't know what he's talking about. The guy also said that Robin is looking really great after losing over 60 pounds. Howard said she showed him a picture of herself from a year ago and she was bordering on being obese. Robin said she was obese, not bordering on it. Howard said he didn't realize how big she'd gotten because he was around her every day and didn't really pay attention to it.
Another caller pointed out how big Artie's head is. He said it's the size of a pumpkin and suggested that he get some plastic surgery for it. Howard picked up another call but the guy was sleeping. Howard kept the guy on and let him snore on the air for a short time. Howard and the guys goofed on that for a few seconds but Howard bailed out on the call when he wasn't able to wake him up.
A caller asked Howard how he can call himself ''King of all Media'' if he has no web presence. Howard said he's on the web more than he knows. He said that he's one of the most searched names on the web even though he doesn't have an official web site. All he has at this point are two pictures on HowardStern.com.
Another caller brought up the French and how they treat us like crap even though we've saved their asses more than a couple of times. He and Howard spent a short time talking about that before moving on to other stuff.
A woman called in and asked Howard how many shots it took for Howard to conceive their first child. Howard said it was one shot but the woman said that's not the way it was depicted in the movie. Howard said their first child was a miscarriage but he was able to knock her up again right after that. Howard went on to talk about how when you're a young man you have to give it to a woman hard and fast. He said when you get older, you can't do that. He said you really have to stay in shape as you get older so you can continue to bang your chick hard. He said he knows guys who are out of shape and can't bang their chicks because they get winded. Howard also talked about how he used to pleasure himself 3 times a day when he was a kid. Artie said he can still do it hard and fast when he sees Dana in a thong or something. Howard told him that in 10 years he won't be able to do that if he doesn't start exercising though. Artie said he can go for a full 10 minutes or so when he has sex. He gets sweaty and winded after that amount of time though so Howard told him he needs to work out or he won't be able to do that in 10 years. The woman trying to get pregnant was still on the phone so Howard wished her luck and said that her guy might be half a fag or something if he can't get her pregnant.
A caller asked Howard about whether or no he likes his own stink. Howard said he likes to smell his shorts after going out for a run. He said he takes them off and sniffs them because he likes the smell. The caller said he likes to wipe sweat from his ass crack and wipe it across a chick's lip. Howard said that's rude and wouldn't do that himself.
A caller said he taped the E! show last night because he wanted to ''jerk one off'' to Beth's image but he wanted Howard's permission first. Howard told him he could do whatever he needed to do. The guy said he wanted to come back in 20 or 30 minutes to give Howard the full ''Jerkin's factor'' review of the show. Howard put him on hold and said he'd get back to him later.
A guy called in and told Howard about Colin Farrell making a comment to David Letterman last night during an interview. Howard said he was losing his mind talking about the late night stuff so he had to bail out on the call. He was saying that late night TV is so lame that this comment that Farrell made about not getting dressed up for Letterman was considered a big deal for some reason.
A caller told Howard he read that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are breaking up. That led to Howard talking about how disturbed J-Lo and Ben Affleck are and how it won't be a surprise if the two of them break up. He had to take another break after that.
Howard brought up the Cane and Cabbie fight they talked about yesterday. They apparently had another fight before their show yesterday so Howard brought that up. Howard said he heard that Cane used an interview Cabbie did with someone and put in his own voice as if he was asking the questions. Howard said Cabbie is crazy so he's not sure what the real deal is. He said in the past their program director Steve Kingston would keep Cabbie under control. Now they have this new guy, Chuck Roast, who may not be able to control him and he may go nuts and get fired. Howard said he thinks that Cane is too lazy to edit tapes like Cabbie is claiming.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if Howard would be involved in a WWE event with Vince McMahon. Howard said he wouldn't do anything with them where what he does is scripted. He said he has been contacted by Vince before but hasn't worked anything out. Robin said he might not want to work with Vince because he seems to get irritated very easy when being interviewed these days. Howard said he's heard that Vince is a great guy to work for though. Robin told Howard about something she saw where Vince started punching a reporter because he didn't like the questions the guy was asking.
Howard said he had a bunch of tapes and e-mail to read but he was going to take one more phone call. A guy said that he's been working out at a men's health club and has been getting aroused in the shower. He said he's not gay though. He went on to explain that he saw a black guy who was ''rather well endowed'' and ended up getting wood. He said he's tried a bunch of stuff to stop it from happening. He has a girlfriend who he's about to propose to and wants some advice from Howard. Howard told him to shower at home. The guy said he doesn't like to drive home being all sweaty. Howard told the guy that the penis tells the truth and if he's getting wood standing around a bunch of guys, he may be gay. The guy said that some of the guys at the club have confronted him about it. He said he doesn't like to see gay guys having sex and when he sees two guys kissing, he wants to vomit and hit them. Howard heard that and told him he's gay. He questioned him and asked if anything gay happened when he was young. He mentioned that his father out of the closet when he was a kid. Howard told him that he must be gay. The guy said he really doesn't go to the gym to get aroused. He said he loves women. He told Howard that he's really in love with this woman he's going to get engaged to. Howard ended up getting the guy off the phone after talking to him about that for a short time.
Howard got back to the guy who he spoke to earlier in the show about whacking off to the E! show. He was done pleasuring himself so Howard got him back on and let him give his ''Jerkins Scale.'' He gave her a 9 and said the only reason he didn't give her a 10 was because she didn't show a little more.
Dominic Barbara called in to talk about the Kobe Bryant case and how racist they're making this case. He explained to Howard why he thinks it's a racist trial but Howard said he doesn't think it's got anything to do with racism. He said he thinks that they'd be going after a white player that raped a woman as well but Dominic seems to think that's not the case. That led to Dominic and the guys talking about how the alleged rape will be defined and stuff like that. Dominic also told a story about a woman who cried rape on a guy when she went to the bathroom and called the police. Dominic said they later found out she'd done the same thing to 5 other guys so the charges were dropped against this one guy. He told Howard how much power women have with these rape claims and how much trouble guys can get in even if they're innocent. Dominic went on and on about the case giving Howard and Robin information about what can happen in the case.
A woman claiming to be the victim of a rape called in and told Howard about what happened to her. She had a speech impediment so Howard didn't give her a chance to give her whole story. She said that she has Lou Gherigs disease. She told Howard that she said ''no'' to the guy when they were messing around but he ended up raping her. She said she reported the rape but the cops did nothing about it. She told Howard and Dominic what happened that time and how she believes she was raped. Howard believed she was raped from what she was saying. He ended up getting off the phone with her and Dominic after hearing her story.
Journalist Debbie Schlussel called in and told Howard that it was reported that the Kobe Bryant alleged rape was anal sex. Howard said he heard that it was anal and the girl had to be stitched up. Debbie told Howard that she believes that the jury will find him guilty if they do claim it was anal because a lot of people think that's the most deviant type of sex. Robin seemed to agree with what Debbie was saying. Debbie also said she hated to admit it but Mark Cuban is probably right about the case being good for the NBA and people will be tuning in to watch the game more now. Howard ended up asking Debbie if she's ever had anal with a black guy. She said ''No!'' to that. Artie started goofing on doing an impression of her. He made some jokes about her chasing away the black guys when she starts talking. Howard got off the phone after a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard said they were mentioned in this Heidi Fleiss trial that's going on now. He read from an article that her husband Tom Sizemore beat the crap out of her after she said she didn't like the movie ''Black Hawk Down'' on Howard's show.
Howard spent a short time on that story and then brought up this Lizzie Grubman chick. A while back she ran over a bunch of people when she was leaving a club one time and now she's gotten a radio show and she's making speeches at this Learning Annex. Benjy went out and interviewed her at this place. He started to ask her a few questions about the accident she had but her bodyguard ended up pushing him away. The bodyguard told him he was getting too aggressive with her so it was his job to keep him away. Benjy tried to explain to the bodyguard that he found her attractive and wanted to find out what she thought about it. They kept Benjy away from her for a while but she reconsidered and let him ask her more questions. Benjy asked her about fleeing the accident again and she told him she can't talk about it because there are court cases pending. He asked her some other questions about whether or not she's embarrassed by the fact that she's gotten so famous from that event. She said she's a different person now and not the same one she was 3 years ago. She said she does regret what happened that day and thinks about those people every day. She ended the interview again because she had to go up on stage to give her speech. Benjy saw the whole speech she made and he told Howard the only thing she said that was useful was that when you send out a resume, don't attach it to an e-mail, just put it right up front. Howard played Benjy's final interview with Lizzie and he got off a few more questions. He asked her about a couple of things. He asked her what she thinks about Howard. She said she loves him and would be willing to do the show if they wanted her to. She ran off before Benjy could ask her anymore questions.
Benjy said the tickets for the thing were $61 and about 200 people showed up to it. Benjy also said he really liked her and thought she was sweet to him while he was interviewing her.
Howard quickly played a new phony phone call that someone made to C-Span. This guy called in as a Pakistani guy by the name of Ballsack Teabag Hard and ended up asking the host of the show if he believed Howard Stern has a small penis. Of course they hung up on him immediately. Howard wondered why the ''Ballsack Teabag'' name didn't clue them into the fact that it was a prank call. Artie was doing his Pakistani impression using some other names like ''Mike Hunt'' and ''Phil McCrackin'' making up some more prank calls the guy could have done. Howard had to take another break right after that.
Howard asked Michelle if it's tough to be married to Dennis because other women have tried and failed. She seems to be handling him just fine. Howard asked Dennis about the marriage and how it's going. He said it's ''far from healthy'' but it works. They have a couple of kids together as well. Robin wondered why he's decided to come out of the closet with the marriage at this point. Neither of them wanted to talk about it though. They'd been fighting on the flight out to New York so they didn't seem to be agreeing on much.
Howard asked them where they met. She was a nurse and Dennis mumbled something about meeting in a bar. Dennis said they got married at a court house so it wasn't a big deal. Howard said it didn't seem like either of them were very happy in the marriage though. Dennis eluded to the fact that she's great in bed when he was telling Howard about the marriage. They live in separate homes so Dennis goes over to see her a couple of times a week. Neither of them have keys for the other's house. It sounds like the perfect marriage. Dennis said she comes over like 4 times a week and they ''screw like dogs.'' Howard said it seems like Michelle has tamed Dennis.
Howard asked Dennis about getting back into the NBA. Dennis said he knows he'll be able to make a comeback. He said he doesn't care what team it is either. He said he thinks that he can give the NBA what it needs with some excitement. He talked about the Kobe Bryant thing a little bit and said he's been in similar situations. Howard said the reason Dennis couldn't make it in last week was because he was giving depositions in court himself. Dennis talked about that a little bit and said he thinks he will win the case he has.
Howard got back to Michelle and asked her about meeting Dennis. Dennis said she kept walking in front of him a bunch of times trying to get his attention. Dennis said something about her having a husband at the time. He told a story about how she cheated on her husband that night with Dennis. He said they banged like crazy that night too. Howard wondered if she was shocked by his (penis) size. She said it was nothing shocking, it was ''just right'' for her. Howard let Dennis and Michelle tell the rest of their story about getting married. Dennis said he didn't really propose to her, he just gave her a ring and asked her if she ''wanted to do this.''
Howard asked Dennis if he's ever been in love before this marriage. Dennis said he loves his kids. He said he wasn't really in love with Carmen Electra, he had deep feelings for her. He also asked Howard if he was ever in love with his ex-wife. Howard said he was in love with her and the reason they split probably had to do with all of the crap she had to put up with.
Howard said that Dennis is in the new Celebrity Mole show. Dennis said he did that with other celebrities like Stephen Baldwin, Corbin Bernsen, Mark Curry, Tracy Gold, Kesha Knight=Pullam, Ananda Lewis and Angie Everhart. Howard ended up talking about Angie a little bit and reminded everyone that Angie said that he was the best sex partner she ever had.
Howard took some phone calls after giving Dennis some plugs for his web site and a ''Return to the NBA'' party he's hosting tonight at Club Mirage in Westbury, NY. He also gave a plug for this ''Stripper's Ball'' DVD that's available at DRodman.com. Howard let the callers go off on Dennis for a few minutes. One guy pointed out Dennis' poor English but Howard defended him and said he gets the job done even if he doesn't speak the King's English. Another guy asked for a description of Michelle. Howard said she had long blonde hair and a lot of tattoos like Dennis has. That led to Howard asking Michelle if she had to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Dennis said he didn't sign anything with her. Howard told her that she's rich then. Dennis said he'll do whatever he has to do if the marriage does fail. Both of them seem to think that they'll be together for a long time. Howard said he believes that it means Dennis really does love her if she didn't have to sign a pre-nuptial. They talked about how often they have sex and Michelle said they sometimes do it 4 times a day. She said she'll be doing a lot of traveling if he gets back into the NBA. She also said she doesn't trust him when he's out on the road. Dennis said he can be faithful even though Howard didn't seem to believe that's possible. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to the two of them and taking phone calls. A phone caller said that a lot of teams find Dennis to be too disruptive to the teams and that's why they don't want him back. Dennis said that he will play hard for a team but he's not going to put up with practicing every single day. Howard said he'll be playing on his own terms in other words. He said he will go to team meetings and practice but he may not actually practice every single time. Dennis and the caller were arguing the game for a couple of minutes. Another caller asked Michelle what it felt like to be a ''nig*er lover'' being married to Dennis. She said that was all ignorance on his part. A woman called in and said that she was on a Howard Stern tour bus back in 1997 or so and went down with Dennis and a bunch of other people. She got ejected from the casino they went to in Atlantic City because she tried to steal a chip. She said she was drunk at the time and wanted to apologize for it. Dennis told her it was all good.
Howard told Dennis he hopes he does come back to the NBA. Dennis said he will be back and he'll be telling people to ''kiss his mother-f-ing'' ass'' when he does. Howard gave him a couple more plugs and wrapped up the interview after that.
Another caller asked Howard why they keep Stuttering John around. The guy's cell phone sucked so Howard seemed to be a little distracted by that. He complained that they've managed to make phone's crap again after getting them right for a while.
Howard had some clips from the Jenna Jameson True Hollywood Story on E!. In the clip she talks about how Howard's show was pivotal in her career. She talks about how she went on the show and it helped her career. She also talked about her role in ''Private Parts'' and how Howard made her audition for the part. She nailed it in the audition and got the part. Howard said that they auditioned a lot of women but Jenna was the only one who was able to do it nude and do it right. That led to the guys talking about Jenna being completely naked on the set and how all of the guys on the set were checking her out and trying to help her with her, then infected, belly button piercing. Howard played another clip from the Jenna special where she talks about going to a wet t-shirt contest when she was only 16. Her brother entered her in the contest. She also talks about wanting to work at a strip club. She had braces at the time so the club owner told her to come back when she got the braces off. She then went home and had her brother help take them off with a pair of needle nose pliers. Howard played a few other clips from the special as well. She talks about losing her mother, her father moving away from her, drug use and a bunch of other stuff. Howard said the special airs Sunday, August 10th from 8 to 10pm on E!. He and Artie were goofing around with some of the things Jenna was saying about her father and brother. They spent a couple of minutes on that before Robin started her news.
Howard started off talking about what they had coming up this morning. Jenna Jameson will call in, Chaunce Hayden will show everyone his botox injected face and a woman who will reveal where Jimmy Hoffa is buried are all going to be guests. Tammi the stripper is also calling in to talk about Ben Affleck being at a strip club.
Howard brought up how Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to run for governor of California. Howard said he was pretty surprised that Arnold is actually going to run. He said he thought Arnold would never run. They spent a few minutes talking about this recall election in the state and how that all works. Howard said he heard that only the people who signed the petition for the recall vote get to vote. Robin told him she was pretty sure he was wrong about that. Scott DePace from E! also came in and told him he was wrong about that. Howard said he heard that from his hair stylist, Toni Coburn, who is from England. Robin and Howard talked about that for a few seconds before they had to take a break.
Howard brought up Jerry Springer and the press conference he held to talk about his run for Senate. Howard talked about that and how no one wants him in the Senate. Howard said Springer thinks that there are two different sides to him, the one that does the TV show and the one who would run for Senate. Howard said it's the same guy either way. He may show two different sides to his personality but there is no difference.
Howard brought up Arnold Schwarzenegger's run for Governor too. He said Arnold made his speech in front of a podium on the Tonight Show. Howard said he heard that Gary Coleman is also running for Governor of California. He wasn't able to find the story right away so they ended up talking about the Kobe Bryant case and how the judge seems to be doing everything he's doing so he can get himself on TV. They didn't announce any of the charges against Kobe during the TV coverage and nothing else happened during the coverage. Howard said this will be a media circus but he's not sure if it'll be as big as the OJ Simpson case. Howard goofed on how much nonsense they're going to have during this case and how they'll probably even report on what Kobe eats for breakfast during the trial. Howard joked that Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein are upset that the focus has been taken off of them and put on Kobe Bryant. Howard went on to talk about how tiny Kobe's attorney looked standing next to him.
Howard got back to Arnold Schwarzenegger for a little while. They compared him to Ronald Regan since he was also governor of California. Howard mentioned some of the stuff that could keep Arnold from winning like his talk of drug use on film. Howard got back to Gary Coleman as well. He read a couple of quick notes about that and how Gary wants to legalize pot and drill for oil in every national park. Robin said he's just running for Governor of one state so he probably won't be allowed to drill for oil in national parks.
Dominic Barbara called in to talk about the Kobe Bryant case again. He wondered how much money it would take to hush this woman who's going after Kobe. Howard changed subjects and told Dominic that there are 50 states, not 52 like he mentioned yesterday when he called in. Dominic said he knew that and it had something to do with him not eating. He went on to talk about how much spare time he has now that he's not eating all the time. He said he needs to find something to keep him busy since he's not eating all the time. Dominic told Howard about going out to eat and how little he actually eats. He said if he wants to eat something like a meatball, he'd have to put it in a blender because his stomach surgery doesn't allow him to eat stuff like that. Howard brought up Roseanne and how she was still able to eat enough crappy food to stay fat. Howard asked Dominic how much he's lost so far. Dominic said it's 35 pounds so far. Howard said he can't wait to see Dominic after he loses 80 pounds. Dominic told him that he put on a suit and the pants fell down because of the weight loss. The guys got back to the Kobe Bryant stuff again and Dominic said if Kobe did what they claim he did, he's in big trouble. He said if he gets convicted he has to get 4 years to life as a minimum sentence. He said that's the best case and it could be even worse if the judge decides that he should get something like 10 to life.
Howard played a clip from last night's Teen Choice Awards where Kobe accepted an award. There were kids yelling and screaming out his name as he accepted his award. Howard talked about how hot Kobe's wife is but said he heard that she has a big, giant ass that you don't see often. Artie made a joke about the Teen Choice Awards having a special category for Best Terrorist and the winner being Osama bin Laden. Howard spent a few seconds playing with that concept and made an acceptance speech as Osama. He had to take another break after that.
Howard and Jenna talked about the E! True Hollywood Story tapes and how fun it was to listen to those yesterday. Howard said he feels really bad for Jenna after hearing all of that stuff she was saying about her brother getting her into the porn business and all. He said it's kind of sad to him. He said he doesn't think he could bang her after hearing that. Artie said he'd bang her... Then feel sorry for her. Howard went on to explain how her brother got her into a wet t-shirt contest when she was only 16 years old. He also helped her get a job at a strip club by helping to pop the braces off her teeth with needle nose pliers. Howard said someone in her family should have protected her against stuff like that. She later got involved in drugs and her father helped her get out of that so she could get into the porn business. Jenna also talks about how she only ever loved Nikki Tyler. Nikki ended up kicking her out of her house after she got into porn. She also talks about that during the E! True Hollywood Story.
Howard replayed the clips they played yesterday. Jenna listened in as Howard played the clips. In the clips she talks about her brother helping her get into the wet t-shirt contest, the braces being taken off with pliers and more. Jenna said she told her brother that she had a modeling gig at the time so that's why he helped her take the braces off. Howard had Jenna get on a better phone at this point because her headset sounded so crappy. He then played another clip from the special where Jenna talks about getting into drugs. She explains her use of speed and how messed up she ended up getting. She started out doing a line a day but it quickly went to 5 lines a day and then she started smoking it. She said she couldn't eat and she was down to only 80 pounds. Her boyfriend ended up leaving her and that's when she decided to get help from her father. Howard said these tapes made Jenna sound like the hottest thing. She goes on to talk about how her father helped her out during the drug use time. She ends up crying at one point. Howard and Artie were goofing on the clips a little bit but Jenna was laughing along with them.
Howard told Jenna it was quite a story and he'd be watching the special on Sunday night. He also played the clip where Jenna talks about how important his show was to her career. She appeared on his show for the first time in December of 1995. A short time after that Howard had he audition for his ''Private Parts'' movie. Howard said that Jenna was the best person for the part and she came through in the audition. He said they auditioned a bunch of women and she was the one who nailed it. Gary came in a short time later and asked Jenna if she ever thought about banging Howard. She said ''Absolutely'' and told Howard that she thought about that the day she was in his trailer on the set of ''Private Parts.'' She said she was uncomfortable at the time. Howard said he was the same way and isn't good being one on one with someone like that. She said she's the same way and she's actually very shy.
Howard was surprised to hear that Jenna would have messed around with him in the trailer. She said she's pretty sure she would have done something with him. Howard said he doesn't need her giggling at him when he pulls down his pants. Jenna said she thinks that if a guy says he's small, it actually means he's pretty big. Howard said his girlfriend tells him he's big. He doesn't know why that is though.
Howard gave Jenna a plug for her web site ClubJenna.com and took a phone call for her. The guy asked Howard if he'd let Jenna and Beth mess around. Howard said Beth would end up falling in love with Jenna and he'd lose her. He said he'd never let that happen. Howard said he wouldn't have done anything with Jenna because it would have been unprofessional. Not only that but he was married at the time. Howard wrapped up the call and gave Jenna another plug for the E! True Hollywood Story which airs on Sunday night at 8pm.
Howard said he wonders what else went on in that family. Howard said they had to get to Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) who was supposed to have the Botox injections. Gary chimed in and told Howard that Chaunce is getting it done tonight so it hasn't been done yet. Howard told Gary to book him for tomorrow if he didn't have it done yet. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered about Jenna Jameson getting together with Britney Spears. Howard told the guy they talked to her about it one other time and she claims they never did get together. Another caller told Howard that he saw Robin out eating at a restaurant and she eats like a slob. He mentioned where he saw her and she said she's never been there before.
Howard changed subjects and played a new Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) song parody. He wrote one to the tune of the Doors ''Touch Me.'' It's all Baba Booey lyrics of course.
Howard played audio from ''The Tonight Show'' where Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about how he's going to run for governor of California. Howard and Artie goofed on that for a short time. Howard was doing an impression of both Arnold and Jay Leno. The crowd went nuts when Arnold announced that he was actually going to run. The band also started playing after the announcement. Howard said it is kind of exciting that he's going to run. Howard said he doesn't understand why he's running because it's got to be a lot of aggravation. Howard joked that Lou Ferrigno was going to run for office as well. He did an impression of him as well while Artie did his impression of Arnold.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show is in reverb the whole time every day on a station out of Washington DC. He brought it up because Howard was goofing on a DJ recently about using reverb and it lost it's effect on that station. Howard said he'd have Gary check into that to make sure it's not happening.
Howard played audio of David Spade hosting the Teen Choice Awards. Spade made a few jokes about the teens in the crowd that were kind of racy for young kids. They talked about that for a minute.
Howard said he got another call from a guy who confirmed that Howard's show is put in plate reverb for the whole show. Gary said he spoke to the board operator down there but he wasn't sure if they were in reverb or not. Gary said the guy told him that the regular board op was on vacation and he thinks they ''might be'' in reverb. Howard said that's really tacky and he doesn't want his show in constant reverb. Howard said he's not a big fan of that and he thinks it's pretty lame. He said it throws them back to the days of bad Top 40 radio. The guy who programs the station is Don Geronimo of Don and Mike fame. Howard said he doesn't really know the guy. He said Don might like reverb on his own voice but he doesn't want it on his. Howard said WYSP used to have wind chimes behind the DJs whenever they'd come on. He said that was really annoying.
Howard ended up talking about DJ Allison Steele for a little while. He was talking about how nice she was when he worked with her and how she affected so many people's lives back in the 70's. Artie said he used to listen to her before Howard's show many years ago. He said he'd be there, laying in bed wasted, just waiting for Howard to come on. Gary told Howard that she used to have to put up with a lot of crap back at their old studio. She was working there when E! was just started taping the show so they were always adjusting lights and stuff during her shift.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he thinks that Arnold Schwarzenegger is still using steroids. He thinks that will screw up his run for governor along with some of the other things he's done in his life. Howard had to take a break after discussing that for a few seconds because they were getting backed up a little bit.
Author Linda Milito came in to talk about her book ''Mafia Wife : My Story of Love, Murder, and Madness.'' Howard said that Linda was married to a mob guy and asked her what his name was. She said his name was Louie Milito. She said she didn't know at the time that he was going to be in the mob. He was a hair dresser when she met him. She went on to tell Howard about how he got himself into the mob. He was in the service and wanted out of the war so he went to the mob and they got him out of the service. After that he owed the mob a favor so that's when he got involved with the mob.
Howard checked out the cover of her book and said she looks pretty hot. She said the picture is from when she was only 19. She said she had very low self esteem back then and didn't even know she was good looking. She also told Howard that she was sexually abused at the age of 10 and 15. She said she was raped by a family member at 10.
Gary told Howard that he read in her book that their first night together was kind of crazy. Linda told Howard that she had a cough the first night they were together and Louie ended up making her sleep in the bathroom. She went on to tell Howard that Louie had to kill someone when he got into the mob, that's how he was a made man.
Howard asked Linda how she knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. She said this is the first time she's telling this story. She said she and Louie had gotten into a fight and, for some reason, he told her he knew where Hoffa was buried. She said he pointed to a column on the Verrazano Bridge they were driving over and told her that he killed him and put him in that stanchion of the bridge. She said that's what Louie told her but he doesn't know if anything would be found there. She said Louie was a perfectionist and he may have covered up the killing very well. Linda said she's not sure if Louie was lying to her but she can't imagine why he would have done that.
Howard went over a few other things he read about her. Linda once saw Louie chop a guy's ear off with an axe. She told Howard that story and explained all of the details.
Robin asked Linda when she found out that Louie was in the mob. She said she didn't know until about 2 years before he was killed. She said he never really liked to leave the house and kept all of his money away from them. She said she was selling real estate and made very good money herself.
Howard asked Linda about Louie's death and what happened there. She said she doesn't know where her husband is but she has heard things about Sammy ''The Bull'' having him killed but he denied it when she asked him about it.
A caller told Linda that she should keep her mouth shut about this stuff because what happens in the family should stay in the family. He wouldn't admit he was in the mob but yelled at Linda to keep her mouth shut. Another guy also called in and told Howard to get her off the air. He said that if she was a real woman she wouldn't be talking about this stuff. She said most women in the family are taken care of when their husbands are killed and her kids weren't taken care of. Another caller said that the Verrazano bridge was completed in 1964 and Jimmy Hoffa disappeared in 1974 so there's no way he'd be in the bridge. Linda said that's the story she was told so she doesn't know what happened exactly.
Howard gave Linda a plug for the book again and said she'll be doing a book signing at Barnes and Nobel at 105 5th Ave. He spent a couple more minutes talking to her about her husband and taking phone calls. More people were calling in with information about Louie's death. A guy said that it was actually John Gotti who had Louie killed but Linda said that wasn't true. Another caller said he heard the same thing about Hoffa being buried in the bridge that Linda mentioned. Howard let a couple more guys through on the phones and then wrapped up the interview.
Howard said he was approached by a mob guy one time who asked him if he needed any favors. Howard said he never would have thought that this guy was in the mob. He explained the story about him telling him that if he ever needed a favor, he was the one to call. Howard said he would
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard he has to do more research on his guests. He was referring to Linda Milito when he said that she had some of her facts wrong about her husband. Howard spent a minute talking to the guy before moving on to the next guest.
Tammy continued to talk about what she saw that night. She said he was standing there watching two of the strippers getting it on in this room they were in. She said he was fully clothed but she did see him giving the other girls oral sex and he asked her to get involved as well. She said she found it kind of weird but she got in on it. She said he didn't spent a lot of time on her though. Howard asked her if she pulled on his hair at any point to see if he actually wears a wig like people claim he does. She said she didn't do that and couldn't tell if it was a wig. Tammy said that Ben never had intercourse with any of the girls in the room. He only gave them oral sex according to Tammy. Howard said he'd never give oral to a stripper because you don't know what you're getting. Howard and Robin both seemed to find that kind of strange. Tammy said that Ben gave her a couple hundred bucks that night and told her to keep it all between them. She said the other people started talking so she started to open her mouth as well. She only got $200 Canadian which is about $140 US. Alan pointed out that Ben makes about $15 million a year and all he gave her was $140.
Howard read that Ben also squeezed Tammy's fake breasts and compared them to another stripper's breasts. He apparently decided that he likes real breasts better. Tammy claims that was what happened.
Alan and Howard talked about some of the other details of the story and how the National Enquirer has challenged Ben to a lie detector test since he's claiming none of this happened.
Tammy also told Howard that she shaved Christian Slater's back that night while she was topless. Howard said that was kind of strange as well. Robin said these guys just want any contact with other women they can get without having sex.
Howard said he doesn't like the fact that these strippers aren't keeping their mouths shut but it is a great story. He said there is a code for guys where they don't talk about what happens in a strip club but technically, this wasn't actually in the strip club. Alan told Howard that Christian Slater took out some popsicles later that night and started having sword fights with them. Tammy said she still has a stain on her jacket from the popsicle. Howard said every part of the story was strange. He said you can read all about this story in the National Enquirer.
Howard took a few phone calls about this subject. One guy didn't believe that stuff like this can happen with someone like Ben and Jennifer Lopez. Howard said anything's possible. Robin reminded the guy that President Clinton was with Monica Lewinsky. One caller said it sounds like Ben wanted to get caught doing this and it's a perfect out for him. A woman said that maybe Ben got sick of J-Lo being such a control freak and this is what happens. One guy asked if Tammy has a fat ass like J-Lo and that's why Ben went for her. Tammy said she doesn't have a fat ass. Howard talked about how he would never get a dance from Tammy now that she's come out with this story because he'd be thinking she'd talk about dancing for him.
Gary came in and asked Alan if he thinks they're going to get sued over this story. Alan said he doesn't think they will be sued. Ben has already said that the story is false but he hasn't tried to sue them yet.
Howard asked Tammy what she was wearing while she was on the phone. She mentioned that she was wearing a bra so Howard wondered why she needed to do that. She said that they're quite large and it's easier for her to wear one. Howard also asked her if she'd come down and shave Artie's back like she did to Christian Slater. She said she would do that for them. Howard then wrapped up the segment so he could take a break.
Chaunce was in to talk about the fact that he's going to be getting botox injections. He's doing this show Naked New York on the Metro Channel and they're going to show the injections on there. Howard said his face really isn't that wrinkled though so he wondered why he's getting it done. He said it's free and he does have wrinkles. Stuttering John came in and said that Chaunce's feet look really bad too. He said his toes bend in all different directions. Howard checked them out and said his feet look horrible and he shouldn't be wearing sandals. He wondered why he'd want to show off his feet if they look that bad. Chaunce said he doesn't think they look all that bad. Howard continued to goof on Chaunce's hair plugs for a short time. Howard said it looks like he has two types of hair on his head. Chaunce said he shaves the sides of his head, that's why it looks that way.
Chaunce asked if he could stick around during Robin's news. Howard wanted him to leave but told him that he could stay if he stayed calm. Chaunce agreed and sat quietly as Robin started the news. Shortly after the news started Howard thought he saw a scar on Chaunce's chin. It turned out to be facial hair. At one point Howard and Robin were talking about Pam Anderson and Raquel Welch and who Howard would rather bang. That led to Howard asking Robin who she'd rather bang, Chaunce or the Elephant Man. Robin wondered if the Elephant Man would have the bag on his face. She ended up picking the Elephant Man to bang over Chaunce.
Gary came in and reminded Howard that he had a similar problem about a year ago. He thought he was farting but ended up having an accident in his underwear while he was at work. He was lucky because he had an extra pair of underwear in the gym bag he'd brought to work. Gary and Howard shared stories they've heard about others who have had these awful accidents.