Howard said he heard that last week when John was asking to talk to him about something, it really was business even though John was denying that. Howard said a ''deep throat'' informant told him that it was business that John wanted to talk to him about. John had disappeared when Howard started talking about this so Howard asked him if he wanted to come back in and tell him the truth. John said if it's from deep throat, it could be one of a million things. Howard said the source told him that it wasn't going to be a personal discussion, it was going to be business. John said the only person it could be was his wife Suzanna. No one else could know what exactly it was he wanted to talk to Howard about. John said it really wasn't business that he wanted to talk to him about. Howard wondered what John is doing about whatever it was he wanted to talk to him about. John said he's handling it on his own. John said if the source is who he thinks it is, they don't know what it is he wants to talk about. Howard said the source is someone who knows what's going on back in the office. Howard was very happy that he was figuring this stuff out on his own instead of bothering him with his problems.
Gary and Howard talked about how upset John got when KC started going out on the road with some comedians he'd worked with. John said it was just in the beginning because it was someone he'd worked with. Howard told John his time was up and got back to Gary. Gary said there's some new ruled in Philly where the girls have to wear band-said over their nipples. He talked about that for a minute and then said that the club DJ thought it would be funny to see him in a wet t-shirt. One of the strippers then threw a bucket of water on him. That came after he fell off the stage. He said his friend could see that he wasn't thrilled with the whole evening after that.
Stuttering John came back in when Gary said he's not going to be asked to do Hollywood Squares as often now because John will be doing it. He said he did it three times since November, now it'll be like once a year. Howard said if John is bad on the show then he won't be asked back at all. Howard doesn't seem to like the idea that either of them are doing Hollywood Squares. Howard said the show is lame. He said he lets them do it because it's good money. Howard said he's putting a ban on it from now on because John has ruined it. He said it's enough. Gary said ''There goes my crumb...'' He said it's back to Club Risque for him. Howard said he doesn't really care and they can go fight it out over Hollywood Squares if they want. He took a break right after that.
After the break Howard took a phone call from a guy who said a sure fire bet Artie talked about last week was a flop. Artie said it was a sure thing and Gary blew a $1000 he got from Cabbie's web site on that bet. Artie told all the kids in Jersey to go put in their orders for Monte Carlos because it was a sure thing. Gary and Artie talked about that for a minute. One caller said that as soon as he heard Artie pick the team, he went and bet the other way and won. Gary asked Artie what kinds of losses he's had in his life. Artie said since he joined the show he's lost more than usual. KC came in and said that Scott the Engineer also bet on the game so it was jinxed twice. Artie said he did really bad in the football pool they had going too. Howard said whenever he announces it on the air, he does bad. Artie said that everyone was going to laugh but Tiger Woods would have to win the Masters for the third time... He's going to bet that anyone but Tiger will win the tournament. He said Tiger has cost him $15,000. That tournament is a month away though. He said he's going to gamble when they go to Vegas and win some money there.
Gary said Artie talks in a language that makes him sound like he knows what he's talking about. That's how he fools everyone into thinking he's got a good bet going.
Howard took some phone calls about Friday night's ''Howard Stern's Jerkoff'' special on E!. Howard said he liked the way they cut the show and put it together. A couple of guys talked about how good some of that stuff was. Artie said he'd never seen the tape of Scott the Engineer chasing the camera down the hall yelling at Mike Gange. Robin said she likes when Jeff the Drunk falls down out by the elevators. She said it's funny every time.
KC came in and said it was confirmed, Scott the Engineer did bet on the game that Artie bet on. Scott came in and said he only bet $150 on the game though.
A listener called in and asked if they're going to replay that E! special. Robin Radzinski came in and said they're going to try running it on a Saturday night. Howard told Robin to make sure E! runs some promos for it. He went on to complain about how E! runs huge Anna Nicole Smith promos on top of his show and scrolls news at the bottom of the screen. He said he's really close to ruining his relationship with the people over at E! by badmouthing certain people over there. Howard said they can scroll all they want during the news, just leave his show alone. Howard told Robin to imagine CBS running news scrolls under ''Survivor'' which is their biggest show over there. He said it's ridiculous.
A listener asked Howard why they don't run the E! special on a week night instead of a Friday or Saturday because people want to go out and party on those nights. Howard and Robin told him to record it if he's out. He said he can't afford TiVo like they can. Howard said ''What about a VCR?'' The guy seemed to have forgotten about that invention.
Howard got back to his complaints about the people at E! and how they won't listen to him about the scrolls on his show. A couple of people called in to complain about how lame it is when they have Anna Nicole and her dog barking while his show is going on. Howard said you have to train your eye not to look at those things. One caller joked that CNN was running The Flintstones under their coverage of the war. Howard said that's about what it's like.
Howard whipped through a bunch of phone calls. One caller said that in the movie ''Head of State'' Chris Rock gave Howard a quick mention at one point. Howard said the movie was number one but it was a little soft. He said he doesn't know what it is with Chris Rock and movies.
A woman called in and told Howard to stop complaining about the E! thing. Howard went off on her and said she's a ''C'' and said the closest he could come was to call her a ''Sunt.'' He went off on her for about a minute calling her fat and miserable. He said he's trying to fight for his audience and she's criticizing him. He said he's risking his job at E! to do what he's doing. Howard said he's heard that Mindy Herman over at E! gets really pissed when he says stuff about her. He said that he's on her team and he's trying to make things better with his show over there. It was time to take another break so that's what they did.
Howard had some examples of some Butta Face's. He said someone like Celine Dion or Sarah Jessica Parker is a ''butta face'' (everything's good but her face). Howard mentioned Steffi Graf and Lizzie Grubman as a couple more. KC mentioned Venus Williams as another Butta Face. Howard said he knows a few women that could enter this contest. Howard said he went out with a woman who was a 10 from the face down when he was younger. He said her body was great but her face was really bad. Artie said he'd rather have a woman with a great body than a great face. Gary seemed to think the same thing. He said their face doesn't matter when it's dark and you're having sex. Howard said he won't bang fat chicks but he would bang someone with a beat up face. Gary said he'd rather sleep with a Lizzie Grubman before he'd sleep with Queen Latifah. Howard said he thought about putting this on as a pay-per-view but they don't have enough time to put it together. He said ABC will probably put it on before they get the chance to do that.
Howard said the opposite of a Butta Face is someone like Monica Lewinsky. She has a good face but she's fat.
Vinnie Favale called in and asked how the contest is going to work. He wondered if they're going to judge the body, then cover it up to judge the face. Howard said he's right. They'll have women with bags on their face and they'll judge their bodies. Then they'll go behind a sheet and vote on their face. They figured that a good score would be a 10 for the body and a 1 for the face. Artie said he'd like to see the whole package together though for the final judgment.
Howard said Sandra Bernhard is another Butta Face. Kathy Griffin's name also came up as well as Melissa Rivers. Howard said she could clean up in that contest.
Howard said there are a lot of songs out about the war including Lenny Kravitz's song that they played last week. Howard said Lenny will be calling in later in the morning. Howard said he's going to ask him what the hell he's doing with that song. He went on to say that there are a lot of anti-war songs and even a pro war song. He played Green Day's anti-war song as well as John Mellencamp's anti-war song. Gary said they're available on the RockTheVote.org site. He played a few seconds of each of those and also played R.E.M. and the Beastie Boys. There is one pro-war song by country singer Darrel Worley. Howard played some of that and said he kind of likes it. Howard said he worked on his ''50 Ways to Kill Saddam'' and made it a little angrier. He played what he'd recorded and there was more cursing and torture suggestion in it. Robin told him he was on the mark with that song. Howard wondered if President Bush would want him to perform the song for him. He said he could do the unedited version for him.
Howard said he had to take another break. He said they had Ieko Kanaka coming in after that. He said Wood Yi would be in to say hello to her because she's Asian. Robin mentioned something about a six foot tall, Asian golf player who is amazing. They spent a short time talking about that before taking a break
KC came in and said they found a Moby song that Crowe's band must have ripped this one song off of. Howard played the Moby song and then the Crowe song again. The music was similar but Crowe's band made it a little higher. Howard said he knew he'd heard it somewhere before.
Howard replayed the ''Sofa King'' commercial he played late in the show on Friday. He said a lot of people missed it so he played it today. This phony commercial is where the announcer says the customers are ''Sofa King satisfied'' and ''Sofa King close'' and other sofa king funny lines like that.
Howard had some e-mail to go through. He got some positive feedback about the ''50 Ways to Kill Saddam'' song. There were also some concerned fans who want Artie to lose weight. He had some nice stuff about Taryn Manning as a guest as well as Robert Duvall's appearance last week. A lot of people hated Artie's Goldust impression during Duvall's interview. Howard said he told Artie to do it though so it wasn't his fault. Howard read through a bunch of the nasty e-mails about Artie's impression. There were also some negative e-mails about the E! ''Jerkoff'' special. Howard said he's never going to re-air that show again. He said he'd like to put it on his E! Uncensored tape but without the bars across all of the stuff. Howard said he's been working on that video and it's hard to fit everything in.
Howard read some news about the suicide bombers over in Iraq. He said that he wishes he had people that dedicated working for him. He said everyone on the show is too spoiled and don't have a reason to kill themselves. Howard said all you have to do is make people miserable and they're willing to kill themselves for their country.
Howard went on to talk about some other stuff that's going on in the news. He talked about Colin Powell getting a little pissed during his speech last night. He said he'd like to see him like that more often. He said he'd like to hear him use the N-word. That led to him playing DMX's ''My Niggas'' (Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood) song.
Howard went on to talk about ''American Idol'' for a few minutes. He and Robin were talking about the one guy on the show who is in the military and how he's getting hassled because he's not over in Iraq fighting. His unit hasn't been deployed yet so that's why he's still here though.
Howard took a few phone calls before taking another break. A couple of guys brought up the Butta Face contest. One guy said he has a girl who has a great body but her face is pretty bad. He doesn't know how to tell her that though. Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Howard left out Courtney Love in the Butta Face thing. Howard said he thinks that Courtney's face isn't that bad though. Howard said that when you tell a girl she's got a butter face, just say that it's like her face is smooth like butter instead of looking beat. He took a break shortly after that.
Howard also asked her if she makes it with chicks. She said she has done that and had a girlfriend for a while but she was too crazy for her. She said she was always jealous and possessive of her.
Aiko claims that she thought Eddie was kind of ugly but went out with him anyway. She said he had a good personality and he was funny. Aiko also talked about how Eddie had white flowers all over the house when she went over to his house for the first time and she thought it was kind of gay.
Howard had Wood Yi say a few lines here and there during the interview. She seemed to find it pretty funny though.
Aiko said that she went out with Bill Maher at one point. Howard said he's the last white guy you go out on a date with. She said she used to date only Asian guys and he was the first white guy. She said that Rob Schneider also came up to her and asked her how he could meet girls like her. She said she told him to go to a Japanese restaurant.
Howard asked Aiko how big her breasts are. She said they're a C-cup so Artie said ''Speaking of C-cups, can we see those cups?'' She did give them a quick peek. Howard also asked her if she's wearing panties. She stood up and showed him what she was wearing. He told Robin that he was going to get her the same outfit.
Howard asked Aiko when she had lesbian sex for the first time. She said she was 19 years old. She didn't get into many details though.
Lenny Kravitz was on the phone and Howard asked Aiko if she finds him attractive. She said she finds him ugly. Howard put Lenny on the air and asked him what he thought about that. Lenny said it happens to the best of them. Howard said he was glad she didn't find him attractive though. Robin wanted to know who she thinks is cute. She said the guy from Linkin Park is cute. She also said Jet Li is also a cute guy. Howard got back to Lenny and asked him why he can't write a song that is pro-war. Lenny said the song is just a song about peace. He said he never said anything about not supporting the troops or anything like that. He said he wishes that human beings could be on a level where they settled things by talking instead of fighting. He said people are blowing things out of proportion. He said he supports the troops out there but he's not getting political and coming out against the war. He's just about peace. Howard said Lenny has always written songs about ''Let Love Rule'' and stuff like that so he gets where he's coming from. Howard also talked to Lenny about why he has the other two Middle Eastern guys in the song with him. They talked about that for a short time and Lenny continued to say that he's not anti-anything. He said he's for peace and that's what the song was from. He said the songs is available on RockTheVote.org and LennyKravitz.com . Robin questioned him about the fact that he hasn't voted in like 18 years. Lenny said the number of years was wrong and had a quick explanation for why he went with Rock the Vote. Howard ended up playing his song to let everyone hear it. He spent a couple more minutes talking to Lenny about the song and took some phone calls for him. He also asked Lenny what it was like dating Kate Hudson. Howard asked him how that piece of ass was. Lenny said he'd have to ask Chris Robinson about that. Howard said he gets a lot of young chicks. Howard quoted James Wood as saying you don't go to the pound and get a 5 year old dog, you get a puppy.
Howard let a few more phone calls through. One guy said that Lenny didn't tip them after they did some work on his house. Howard said if a guy comes to your house and does a job where he gets paid good money, they shouldn't expect a tip. Lenny said he did have some work done but he doesn't handle that stuff so he didn't know what the guy was talking about. Howard joked that Lenny really is Jewish if he doesn't tip. He said he was just kidding though. Another guy complained about not getting his money back from a concert where Lenny passed out after 3 songs. Lenny said he went back and performed after that so he should have been able to go to that show. The guy didn't want to hear it though so Howard hung up on him. Another guy called in and said he didn't understand where Lenny was coming from with this ''peace'' stuff. He and Lenny argued about it for a couple of minutes. Lenny tried to explain to the guy that it wasn't a anti-war song, it's just a peace song and this was a good time to put it out. Lenny said his song shows that not all Iraqis are for Saddam Hussein. Howard let through a couple more calls for Lenny. Lenny said that he didn't put out the song to make money either. He said it's out there for everyone to have for free. One guy said that the whole reason for the war is to have peace. Lenny said that's true and the troops over in Iraq understand that. He said he gets letters from guys over there who tell him that.
KC came in and said he had a couple of other women that Lenny has been with. He mentioned Naomi Campbell and Kylie Minogue. Lenny said he never had Naomi but did date Kylie many years ago.
Howard asked Lenny if there's anything he'd kill over. Lenny said if someone messed with his family, he'd be willing to kill someone. Howard took some more phone calls for Lenny and some guys just goofed on the whole conversation. One guy said the only reason Howard had Lenny on was because he's a Jew just like him. Howard took a couple more phone calls and said his head was spinning by the end of it. He couldn't get over the fact that he banged Kate Hudson though. He played a little more of Lenny's song. Howard said he just wanted to get to the point in the song where the Iraqi guy was singing. Artie started doing an impression of the guy and mixed it up with his AC/DC impression. Howard took even more calls for Lenny after that.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked Lenny if he's going to fire his manager for releasing the song. Lenny said he's not going to do that and he's going to let the song speak for itself. Lenny said he just wants peace and the song says that for him. Howard said that this argument could go on all day long so he tried to wrap it up. He said that we have to get rid of this kook, and he wasn't talking about Lenny. He spent another minute talking about that and got off the phone with Lenny.
Howard got back to Aiko after that and wondered where they left off. They got right back into goofing on Bill Maher and Howard asked her if she shaves all her hair down there. She said she leaves a little bit down there. Aiko told Howard about her lesbian experience. She said she was dancing on Soul Train at the time when this chick came on to her. She said she decided to give it a try. Howard asked her about all of the details. Wood Yi got in a few more lines during that discussion. Here are some of those lines:
Howard took a call from a guy who said Geraldo Rivera is being expelled from Iraq because he was drawing a map of where our troops were and what they were up to. They also talked about this guy Peter Arnette who was on Al Jazera telling them that the U.S. Screwed up and have to rethink the war because the Iraqis have been so tough.
Howard said Eddie Griffin and Sandy Taylor will be on the show tomorrow. Howard said they have a lot of stuff to ask Eddie about tomorrow. He said that Sandy is the mother of two kids now so she's what he'd call a MILF (Mother I'd Like to F***).
Howard replayed his ''50 Ways To Kill Saddam'' song parody. He said he may put his uncensored version up on the web for people do download.
A listener called in and asked Howard how he plans on getting to Las Vegas later in April. He mentioned the news report about the possibility of terrorists firing missiles from shoulder mounted rocket launchers at airplanes taking off. Howard said they're going to drive out to Vegas in a tank. The phone caller had another name for Howard's ''Butta Face'' contest. He said Sheri Oterri from Saturday Night Live should be on the list. Howard said she's not such a ''Butta Face.''
This kid who called in last week who wanted Howard to bang his mom called in again. He said his mother was robbed and that's why he wasn't coming in with her. Howard said the kid didn't even send them a picture. The kid said he doesn't have a computer to send it with. He said he'd send one in the mail instead.
Howard played a clip of Madonna being interviewed on some TV show where she talks about how she's working on finding a way to get rid of nuclear waste. Howard said she went from being an old whore to being a nuclear scientist.
Howard also had tape of Michael Moore talking to Bill Maher on his show about being booed at the Academy Awards last week. Moore said he thought that there were a few people booing him and when they started to boo, the people who were giving him the standing ovation started to boo the booing people. Howard seems to think he's nuts.
Howard took a couple of phone calls before getting to Robin's news. One guy asked Howard about Bill O'Reilly's show and why he hasn't done it. Howard said he's gotten a few phone calls from the guy and he has nothing against him, he just doesn't want to do it. Another caller asked Howard about this hair removal thing he went through. He wanted to know what it cost and stuff like that. Howard said they have an hourly rate but didn't have a number. Howard said they can't do the hair removal over his tattoo so he has a bunch of hair on his tattoo but nothing on the rest of his arm. The guy wanted to give a shout out to his friends but when Howard told him how lame that is, the guy backed off. Howard moved on and had Robin start her news after that.
Howard said they also have Eddie Griffin coming in later. Tomorrow they have Evil Dave Letterman coming in. Howard joked that he had ''evil shingles'' just like the real David Letterman. He had to take his first break after that.
After the break Howard pulled an April Fools joke on Robin quickly. He told her she had something crawling in her hair and she believed it for a few seconds. Howard said they should play some prank calls since it's April Fools day. He said he'd be doing that later in the show. Howard said he could also tell Tina Jordan that she's gained five pounds as a joke too.
Howard mentioned that Aiko Tanako was talking about Eddie Griffin on the show yesterday and made a mention about how he told her that he'd banged Mariah Carey at one point. Howard said they checked into some stuff on Mariah's album and said that there was nothing about it on there like Aiko claimed. Howard had the song that was supposedly about him. Aiko told Howard that Eddie told her the song was written for him. As soon as it started to play Howard said he just doesn't get Mariah Carey. Howard and Artie both said they've liked about the chicks they've banged just to make themselves sound better than they are. Howard said a lot of people think he's banged chicks that he hasn't banged so he plays along with it. KC said that Mariah actually does thank Eddie on the album. She also thanked Ol' Dirty Bastard too though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that David Lee Roth filled in for Cane on the Cane and Cabbie show and he was apparently awful. The caller said that he just rambled on and on during the show and wouldn't shut up even when the songs were playing. Howard wondered what happened to David Lee. Howard went on play a White Stripes song. He was showing how easy it would be to host the Cane show. He seemed to like the song he was playing but got bored with it within a few seconds so he shut it off and moved on.
Shuli called in and asked Howard if he heard about Geraldo Rivera getting kicked out of Iraq because of what he was showing on TV. He was showing where all of the troops were hiding. The military apparently dragged him out because of that. Peter Arnette from NBC went on Iraqi television and basically said that our military plan wasn't working. Howard and Robin ended up talking about some other news reports about the war and how some people, like Jeanene Garafolo, aren't supporting the troops over there. Howard said that President Bush is also looking into the possibility that Iran is close to having nuclear weapons so we may have to go there and take care of that. Howard said that these pampered Hollywood stars who are coming out against the war have no idea what we're up against.
Another listener called in and said there were people booing at a Canadian hockey game when our National Anthem came on recently. Howard went off on them for a minute. He ended up complaining about how they had him kicked off the air up on Quebec and Toronto. Another listener called in and asked Howard to call KC a fag or something to change subjects. He said he didn't want to hear about the war, he wants to hear fun stuff when he tunes into the show. Howard said the guy is right. He said he's not sure he should ignore the war though. A few more people called in about the war after that. A Canadian listener called in and defended his country. Howard told him that his people should just keep their mouths shut and not boo us.
A listener called in and said that he misses the cartoons and stuff that they used to show on the CBS show. He was telling Howard how great that stuff was and how he should have a cartoon created for the ''50 Ways to Kill Saddam'' song parody he started playing this week. Howard said he might do that for the E! show. He played the song parody after the guy mentioned it. Robin wondered how they can animate some of the stuff Howard says in the song. Howard said they could blur some of the stuff so people wouldn't be able to see it. Howard went on to play a pro-war song by Darrel Worley called ''Have You Forgotten.'' Howard said the guy is very direct about his feelings on the war and he likes that. He said they should have him on the show but then they'd have to listen to the whole song. He had another song to play... It was Mark Harris singing the National Anthem. Howard wondered what happened to that guy that he has to sing like he does. Howard said he'd rather go back to the other guy's song instead. He took a phone call from a woman who was rambling about something. He said he'd rather talk to her about her private parts though. Howard said they need to get their minds off the war and talk about sex instead. Howard wondered what she looks like because she was putting on a sexy voice. She told him that she's just an old house frau from New Jersey. As soon as he heard that he hung up on her. He went on to talk about how horrible Kathie Lee Gifford looks these days. He said it looks like she aged 50 years recently. Howard said it's obvious that she got breast implants and had some kind of face work done. He said it was on page 13 of the NY Post this morning. Robin let out an ''OHH'' when she saw the scary picture. Howard said she looks like a person trying to look like Kathie Lee Gifford. Howard said he thinks she's like 49 years old or something like that. Robin brought up Cher and how bad she looks also.
Howard replayed the ''Sofa King'' commercial parody he played yesterday. Howard said it's the most childish thing ever but he loves it. He said a lot of people like that bit. Howard said he's got a lot of stuff to announce about Vegas and stuff like that this morning but he had to take another break.
Howard had mentioned that the girl Aiko who was on the show yesterday had a little bit of a belly. He said her whole job is to be hot so when she sees some belly fat on herself, she should take care of it. Howard said she was really cute but she did have a little bit of fat.
Howard asked Vinnie if he'll be out in Vegas when they're out there. Vinnie said it may be a vacation week for Letterman so he might be able to be out there. Howard ended up asking Vinnie how Letterman looked when he came back after his case of Shingles. Howard said he told Vinnie to tell Dave it might be time to quit. He and Vinnie ended up talking about the guest hosts who took over for Dave while he was out sick. Howard said he could have hosted it but he would have been too good and Dave wouldn't allow it anyway.
Howard got off the phone with Vinnie and took some phone calls. Stuttering John came in and told Howard that David Lee Roth was trying to be a real DJ when he covered for Cane yesterday. He'd just heard the first break worth of David Lee's DJ stint. A couple of callers said it was horrible, one guy said it was great. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that David Lee was Casey Kasem all over again. She said it sounded like something from the 70's. Howard finally got some tape of David Lee's stuff and played it. He introduced a Linkin Park song and didn't do such a bad job. One caller said that David Lee cursed as soon as he found out there was no delay on his segment. The caller said that Dave was actually funny while he was doing the job. Howard said he got depressed when he found out David was doing the DJ thing. He said that he's the lead singer from Van Halen and now he's a DJ. Howard ended up talking about other music stars who became DJs... Flo and Eddie, The Turtles. They used to work on his station so Howard talked about that. He said Flo was cool with his show but Eddie was a dick. More callers had some stuff to say about David Lee Roth after that. Another guy called in and said he was horrible. Howard played another clip and he really wasn't that bad. Howard said someone must have spoken to David before he went on the air so he kept it pretty short as he did the intros. One caller said that David Lee can't even sell out a show anymore. He said he's doing a show in a couple of months and it's not sold out. Howard said he'd go to see the show if David does old Van Halen songs. He said he still can't believe how tame David sounded in the clips he had.
Howard said this guy Steve Kingston is good at brow beating the DJs about being quick with their stuff. Gary came in and said he's seen DJ Julie Slater going into his office with notes and stuff for her show. Gary also said he thinks that keeping Cabbie under control is a full time job for Steve Kingston. He said he's seen Cabbie go nuts over stuff and Kingston is able to calm him down. Howard said Kingston has come to him asking him to talk about stuff they can do together for the air but Howard doesn't want to do that. He said that he had Steve over to his house one time and it turned out to be a disaster. Gary told Howard that Steve has it worse than him as far as his family goes. He's the one who has to take care of the kids because his wife has to go to work at four in the morning. Howard said Steve has a mansion for a house and he ends up doing his own cleaning and stuff. Howard said he asked him where his staff was when he went over to his house one time and was amazed that he didn't have anyone to help out around the house. Howard spent a couple of minutes on that and then found out that Sandi Taylor and Tina Jordan were there. He said it was time to bring them in. Howard said he went to dinner with Sandi last night. He said she told him all kinds of interesting crap at dinner but there's no way she'd tell it on the air. She knows people who have STDs and stuff like that out in Hollywood. She'd probably get sued if she talked about it on the air though. Howard wondered if the girls were dressed appropriately for the show today. Gary came in and said that they are dressed the right way. He said Sandi is wearing pants so low that you can almost see the pubic area. He said if she had any pubic hair, you'd be able to see them. Howard said he saw a Gucci ad (Go to Gucci.com/click English/About Gucci/Ad Campaign/ pick the picture with the girl standing back against the wall with the guy kneeling in front of her.) in some magazine where the ''G'' of Gucci is shaved into a woman's pubes. He said it was in some regular magazine too, it wasn't a porn mag. Howard took a break a short time later so he could get to the girls.
Howard had hot chicks Sandi Taylor and Tina Jordan come in after that. He said Sandi was wearing a hot school girl outfit and Tina was wearing really low jeans. He said they're in to promote this Excitenite.com party that's taking place tonight. The girls said there will be a lot of hot, single chicks there. They mentioned a few names of the girls who will be there like Carmen Electra and Victoria Silvstedt. Sandi said that there will be a lot of beautiful people at the party. Howard figures there will also be a lot of ugly guys there.
Howard said that Sandi has been on the show eleven years now. He didn't remember the first time she was on but she remembered it was when Sam Kinison was on.
Howard moved on to talk to Tina Jordan who was Hugh Hefner's number one girl for a while. Tina told Howard that she got to stand on Hef's right side when she was with him. Howard wondered why it was the right side so she told him it's because that's her good side. She said that a lot of the girls claim that they don't have sex with Hef but they all do. She went on to tell Howard how she met Hef and how he picked her to be his girl. She said she had no idea that she could be Hef's girlfriend at the time. Howard said she looks a little like Pamela Anderson and Sandi looks like Cindy Crawford. Sandi said that the last time Tina was on they offered to give her money to get into a bikini and she still hasn't gotten the money. Sandi said Tina called them a few times and still hasn't gotten it. Gary came in and said he thought it was taken care of already. Tina said that she e-mailed someone and told them about it. Gary wanted to know who it was so she eventually said it was Isaac from E!. Gary said he has nothing to do with that stuff. Gary said it takes about 60 days to get that stuff paid, it shouldn't take a year.
Artie had never met Sandi before but he has been on the phone when she's called in. He knows Playboy models like most people know their families. He knows the cover and what year and month it happened. He said Sandi's July 1995 cover is in his top 10 covers.
Howard got back to Tina's story about Hugh Hefner. She told him how Hef didn't call her for a week and she thought he was an asshole. He eventually called her and said that his other girlfriends agreed that she could be another one. She said it happened overnight and she moved right in. She said she didn't waste any time before she let him bang her. Howard wondered if it was any good. She gave a look that Howard took as meaning it wasn't good. She said her boyfriend now is much better. She said she also got paid to be there. She said the money would be left in an envelope for her. She said that she doesn't know why Hef's girlfriends lie about not sleeping with Hef. She said they all do and doesn't understand why they'd lie about that. Tina said that she's still good friends with Hef and doesn't have any hard feelings toward him. She said it was a lot of hard work going to parties and stuff with Hef. She said that she didn't have to cook or clean but she likes to do that stuff. She said she could make close to $100,000 doing that.
Howard and Sandi talked about their dinner last night for a minute. Sandi got to meet Howard's dog Binaca who licked her between her boobs. Howard said he taught the dog to do that.
Howard said that the girls will be at Show night club in New York tonight for this Excite Nite party. Sandi said that she's a people person and is looking forward to talking to the guys at the party. Tina said she hates being touched so if you go, don't touch her. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Tina about her relationship with Hugh Hefner. Gary was in and said that Howard has to see the way she's sitting there because her ass was hanging out of her low cut jeans. Tina told Howard that Sandi planted a pair of scissors in her bag when she went to the airport just to test out security. She said they found them and actually frisked her. She said they were all over her with the metal detector. It was going off because her bra was an under wire bra. She said she was really scared during the whole thing.
Howard wondered who all of the girls were out in the greenroom. They said they had a bunch of Excite Night girls with them out there. Tina's boyfriend was also out there but Howard wanted to get back to their Hugh Hefner discussion. Tina said that the other girls aren't supposed to date other guys but some of them end up doing that. She said she was dedicated to Hef at the time so she didn't date anyone else. Howard said when they were out there one of the girls slipped them a note and whispered to them not to tell anyone what was going on with that because she'd get in trouble. Gary wondered if they have cameras mounted in their rooms at the Playboy mansion. Tina said she doesn't think they do that there.
Howard said the girls will also be at Collectors Fantasy at 222 Kings Highway in Brooklyn from 11am to 1pm today also. Sandi said that her pictures sell for a lot of money. She said one of her pictures sold for $285 one time. She said all of the guys are really nice and she's actually met a couple of friends that way. Howard asked Sandi if she was wearing panties with her school girl outfit. She said she wasn't so Howard ended up talking to her in his low, sexy voice for a few seconds.
Howard took a call from Double A who said he wanted to know their political views instead of hearing how hot they were. Sandi said she'd like that but then Double A said ''April Fools! What are you nuts?''
Gary came in a short time later and said that Tina had a very tough life and brought up how her father was killed after getting out of jail. It was kind of a bummer so Howard tried to change the subject. Howard asked Tina who has banged her hard lately. She said last night she got banged by her boyfriend. They live on opposite coasts so when they get together they go at it.
Howard brought up their Miss Butta Face contest that they'll be doing in Vegas later this month. As he was describing it, Tina's boyfriend came in. Howard said he's not what he expected. Gary said the guy is way better looking than him but he's not good enough for Tina. Tina said that penis size is important and he has quite a bit. She said it'll go up over his belly button so it's like 10 inches or so. She said it only took 3 dates before she let him bang her. She said she had no idea he was going to be that big. Howard said he's never had that happen to him. Tina's boyfriend ended up explaining his Excite Night concept for a few seconds. Gary was more curious to know what he did before that. He said his father was in the bakery business but he didn't go for that.
Howard got back to his Miss Butta Face contest and explained how that will work. Howard was wondering if chicks know when they have a butter face. Sandi said that most beautiful women are the most insecure and the uglier chicks think they're really hot so there's a good chance they won't know they have a butter face. Howard reminded everyone that the grand prize is $25,000 and if you want to enter, just mail them at The Howard Stern Show, 40 W. 57th St., New York, NY 10019. He said you can also enter at HowardStern.com.
Tina said that when she has sex with her boyfriend she has to have him ease into it because she can't take it all at once. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that. He gave the girls a couple of plugs and took a break.
Howard took a call from a guy who was doing a Mariah Carey impression. Howard let the guy ramble for a few seconds before hanging up on him. Eddie told Howard and Robin that he just got married on Christmas day so he's now taken himself off the market. Robin said he's said in the past that he'd never get married. Eddie said that's where that saying ''Never say never'' came from. He said she's the mother of his one year old child. Eddie said his 17 year old writes his own video games so the kid is going to do well.
Eddie talked about his movie and how he's going to be touring later this year. He also has a new movie in the works called ''My Baby's Mama'' that he wrote. Howard asked him where he's living and about the war and stuff like that. He also took some phone calls for him. Eddie said that he's going to be playing the part of Sammy Davis Jr. in an upcoming movie too. He did his Sammy impression for Howard and he seemed to think it was disturbing. He was able to do the fake eye look and it looked pretty odd.
Howard had some clips from Aiko's interview yesterday so he played them for Eddie. She was talking about how she didn't find Eddie so attractive and stuff like that in the clip Howard played. She also talked about how Eddie wasn't into the threesome thing. Eddie said he'd rather concentrate on the one chick instead of a few though. Howard had another clip where Gary asked her about Eddie telling her that Mariah wrote this song ''Fourth of July'' for him. Eddie talked about that a little bit and goofed around with Howard about it for a few seconds.
Howard took a few phone calls for Eddie. The racist jokes started coming in at this point. One guy told an N-word joke. A few other callers had some questions for him. There were more nasty racist jokes coming in. Howard gave Eddie some more plugs for Eddie's movie and started to wrap up the interview. Robin said she wanted to straighten out the differences between Eddie and Rob Schneider about some of the stuff in ''Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo.'' Eddie had claimed that he came up with some of the goofy things like ''Mangina'' and stuff like that in the movie but Rob Schneider said that it wasn't true and those words were in the script. Eddie said he ran into Rob out in L.A. and all he said to him was ''You Mother F'er.'' Eddie said they're still buddies though and they're getting ready to work on ''Deuce Bigalow 2.'' Eddie got a cigarette out and started to light up in the studio. Howard told him they're not allowed to smoke in there but then told him it was an April Fools joke. Eddie had a heart attack a few years ago so Robin and Howard asked him if he thinks he's playing with his life by smoking. He said he's just not ready to give up smoking at this point in his life. Howard told him he's got a set of balls on him because he started smoking as soon as the Paramedics revived him from his heart attack.
Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later. He promoted tonight's E! show featuring wrestler Goldust. Eddie didn't know who that was so Howard explained to him how the guy has phony Tourrettes and grunts all the time. Artie did a quick impression for Eddie before Howard took a break.
Howard asked Gary if they're going to have Artie play a game of basketball against a female basketball player. Gary said the female WNBA chicks are under contract so they can't do it. He said they're looking for a college female basketball player instead.
Howard said that Artie will be racing his dog Bianca tomorrow. While they were talking about that Howard asked Artie if he knows his dog's full name. Artie thought it was just Bianca Stern. Howard said it's actually Bianca Jane Romijn-Stamos. Howard said he knew a stripper that dated his buddy Ralph who went by the name Bianca. He said his dog is ugly, but ugly in a beautiful way. He said Beth wanted to name the dog Jane so they threw that in there as well as the Romijn-Stamos because that's just funny. He said there's no more prestigious name than Romijn-Stamos.
Howard and Gary got back to their basketball game discussion. They had a woman lined up to play Artie but she injured herself. They have a $10,000 grand prize lined up for the winner. The woman they had lined up was a retired WNBA chick. Artie heard that the chick he was going to play was 7 feet tall so he's not sure he could cover her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is just a shill for the FOX network and his political views are nuts. Howard argued with him for a couple of minutes about it. The guy said that Howard isn't funny and even when Howard made a good argument for something, the guy would just go back to ''You're not funny.''
Howard was ready to move on to the news but he had some more David Lee Roth clips to play from his DJ stint on WXRK yesterday. Howard finally found one where Dave didn't do so well. He did okay with another one though. Stuttering John said he doesn't do that well on all of them though. At one point he let the F-word slip out. Dave was plugging his new album on the show so Howard figures that's how they paid him to do the air shift. Howard and Stuttering John talked about how depressing it is that Dave is doing that at all. In one of the clips Dave takes a phone call and the audio quality is horrible. Howard wondered if anyone even noticed that. Dave read the K-Rock Concert Calendar at one point and Howard said he couldn't take it. He wondered why they didn't just let him tell people to check the web site for that info. Dave got cut off a couple of times when was rambling as songs were starting. Artie started doing his impression of Dave's laugh. They played some music for him and he went nuts with the impression and goofed on him for a minute. Howard took a call from a guy who didn't know what Howard meant when he said ''hitting the post.'' The guy figured it was when a DJ talks through the start of a song until the singer starts singing. Howard tried doing that himself for a couple of minutes. He was able to do it a few times but not every time. He didn't know the songs they had playing though. After doing that for a couple of minutes he had Robin start her news.
Howard said he has more David Lee Roth as a DJ clips to play today. David Lee is filling in for a DJ on his station for one more day.
Howard said the big news is that Jennifer Garner of ''Alias'' fame and her husband Scott Foley have decided to break up. Howard said he knew that was coming. Gary came in and said that the woman from ''My Big Fat Greek Wedding'' may be the same way with the fame she's gotten from that movie and TV show. Howard can't believe that the movie and the TV show are hits. He didn't like the movie and he didn't think the TV show was going to do anything so he's pretty surprised. Howard had to take an early break after talking about that.
After the break Howard brought up the Miss Butta Face contest they're going to have out in Vegas later this month. Howard said some guy sent in a picture of a girl he used to go to school with and she could easily win. Howard said you put your finger over her face and her body is perfect. Then you see her face and she goes down to a 4. Howard said she hasn't entered the contest though, she's just an example. Howard said guys are afraid to tell their girls that they're a Butta Face so he's offered to do it for them.
Howard said Gary thinks no one noticed that he got new caps on his teeth. Howard said they are a grayish color that has never been seen before. Howard said he told Gary that they're finally going to goof on his new caps and Gary didn't believe that Howard really knew.
Howard gave out some info on how people can find out how to enter the Miss Butta Face contest. You can call 1-800-44-STERN or 1-212-314-9322 or e-mail them at email@example.com.Howard told one caller what he pictured happening in this contest. He said the first part would be the women coming out with bags over their heads. The judges would see a woman with an amazing body and give her a 10. Then they'd come out afterward with the bags off and their bodies covered. When the judges see their faces, they gasp in horror. Howard tried to figure out the scoring. Gary had it set. He said that they'd rate on a scale of ten for the body and then score the face on a scale of 10 where a 10 is the worst. That way, they would have a high score instead of an average like Howard was thinking.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said Jillian Barberie was on The Tonight Show last night just rambling on and on. He said she wouldn't shut up. Howard said she's one chick who has to go around wearing a belly shirt because she's so insecure. Howard also said that she has given him some hints that she'd let him bang her. He talked about being back stage somewhere and she was giving off that vibe. That led to Howard talking about how he had some wild sex with Beth last night. He said she was going to go out to dinner with some people last night but Howard told her he had her dinner right there. Howard said he doesn't have a place to tie up his girlfriend so he has figured out a way to keep her restrained without tying her up. Howard said Robin has a bed that allows Mr. X to tie her up to it. Howard said he'd do that to Robin if he was with her. He said he'd tie her up and bang her like she was in a rodeo. Artie said that would give new meaning to the term ''8 Seconds.'' Howard thought about that movie Luke Perry did called ''8 Seconds'' and ended up talking about his failed career. He said Luke used to be managed by his agent Don Buchwald and he ended up leaving that company when he got the ''Beverly Hills 90210'' job. Howard explained what Luke told him and how he may have blown it doing that.
Howard joked that he forgot that he'd left Beth tied up at home and had to go untie her. Someone suggested that they have Double A (a big fan of Beth's) go over to untie her. Double A just happened to have called in so Howard put him on. Double A said that the Miss Butta Face contest sounds cool. Howard talked about that for a few seconds and then talked about how Benjy asked the guys at E! if he could be at the Blackjack table when they go to Vegas. Howard said he doesn't see a reason to have him there though. Benjy defended himself and said that's not what he asked for. Scott DePace came in and said that he did ask not to be shoved in a corner when they do a show like that. Benjy started yelling at Scott and that he never asked to be at the table. They went back and forth on that for a few seconds. Howard also brought up how Scott bought Benjy some black t-shirts so no one sees him in the background when they're shooting the show. Benjy doesn't say much, because he's a writer, so Howard leaves his microphone off most of the time. Howard got back to the Vegas stuff and said that Benjy is a good kid. He said he's not really a kid though. Gary said they're not even sure how old he is. Howard said he thinks he's about 35. Gary said Benjy claims he's under 30 though. Howard said when he started working as an intern, he was just in college for one credit. He did that so Tom couldn't say no to him for not being in college.
Benjy said he would like to be part of the set out in Vegas because it's a cool thing. Howard told Scott that he wants a picture of Benjy to be taken, blown up and put in the entrance to the Hard Rock Hotel Casino. He said it has to have his name on it so everyone sees him when they come in to the hotel. Howard ended up turning off Benjy's microphone to silence him for a while.
Gary told Howard to talk about how they're all getting out to Vegas. Howard said they're getting a private jet out there and the station is picking up the tab. Howard said his agent is demanding a seat. He said he'll be taking his girlfriend, his agent and Robin. Robin said she doesn't care about flying on the private jet though. She said she doesn't like the private jet and would prefer the commercial airline. Howard said he guesses Artie would be on there too but he's no fun. He said Artie just eats. He asked Fred if he'd go on the private jet, he said yes. Stuttering John is annoying so he doesn't know if he wants him to go with them. Howard wants to play cards on the flight so they need a bunch of guys. Howard was afraid that John was going to bring up his personal problem on the flight. John came in and said that problem has been taken care of so he doesn't need to talk to him about it anymore. Howard said if they don't fill the jet, they'll have extra room. Howard thought about bringing KC or Vinnie Favale on the jet. He's not sure he wants either one there though. He said that KC didn't get the card game when they flew out last time. KC said he gets it, he just screwed up one time. KC asked if he made the cut or not. Howard said he did so KC gave one of his infamous ''NICE!'' responses.
The guys were talking about stuff they remember about the trip last time and Artie was remembering this great chocolate cake he had. Gary said Artie thinks about that cake like he thinks about a hot chick he's banged.
Vinnie Favale called in and said he'd like to fly out with them but Howard said he's thinking that Benjy deserves a shot at being on the plane before Vinnie does. He said Benjy doesn't play cards and he gets weird when they do stuff like that so he doesn't know if he wants him to be on the plane with them. Gary told Howard that he might want to leave a couple of seats open because people are going to hit him up for seats last minute. Howard said he was done with that for now. Vinnie said he'd bring the chips for the card game with him.
Howard said he was done talking about the flight out there but his head was spinning thinking of other people who are going to want to go. He said Ronnie the Limo Driver might want to go but he came in and said he doesn't want to fly out with them. He said he flew home with Howard on the jet last year and if he wanted to do that again this time, he be happy to do it. They continued to talk about how much easier it will be to fly the private jet. Gary told Howard how crazy it is waiting in line for the security checks. Robin said it's not as bad as people make it out to be. Stuttering John said that they make you take off your shoes these days. Howard was thinking of bringing Brian Phelan from E! with them on the plane because he's fun to play cards with. Howard and the guys ended up goofing on him for a couple of minutes. They were making fun of his card playing and the wacky rules he comes up with. Howard was also talking about what a baby Stuttering John can be on the plane. He said someone has to babysit him on the flight and he can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Howard had to take another break after that.
John the Stutterer called in and said, or tried to say, that Ralph shouldn't get any air time when they go out to Vegas. Howard said John's call could go on all day if he let it. He said he's been cornered by John before and the guy just keeps talking. John was stuttering up a storm so Howard wondered why they've never used him for a phony phone call before. Fred wasn't helping things as he did his impression and got John stuttering even worse. Howard was trying to figure out if John is an interesting guy or just a bore. John was still talking while they goofed on him. John asked Howard if they're going to have Karina the Porn or Politics chick out in Vegas. Howard told him they might be holding a contest with her where someone will win a ''date'' with her. John said something about wanting to lick her. Howard told John he had to run after a couple of minutes. Howard said that Double A asked them to take care of him when he's out in Vegas with them. Howard had to cut John off eventually but he was still stuttering like he had something to say. He eventually stopped and got off the phone. Artie did his impression of John going off on the chicks that reject him all the time. Fred did the same and exaggerated his stutter a bit.
Howard said that Evil Dave Letterman was in so he welcomed him back from his ''evil shingles.'' Dave made a few jokes about some of the other late night guys that are on. He cracked a couple about Jimmy Kimmel. Howard asked Dave what he did while he was out sick with ''Evil Shingles.'' Evil Dave talked about the Elizabeth Smart case and how he can't wait for her to be old enough to do Playboy. Dave also brought up John's stint on ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here!'' and wondered how John could talk to Julie Brown that long.
Howard mentioned the Barbara Walters special that aired last night. He said the most disturbing thing about those specials is looking at Barbara Walters. He wondered who her first interview was, Moses? He talked about the filter they use on the camera for her shots and how much gel they use. Howard said Barbara managed to make Nicolas Cage look good on that show somehow. Dave cracked a joke at one point that got the delay button hit.
Howard brought up last night's ''American Idol'' and how they've kicked off another person because they had been arrested. Howard said he thought out of all of those people, the big fat black guy would have been the one with a criminal record.
Howard went on to talk about how there was a poll taken over in France and how only about 1/3 of them actually like us. He read that they have also desecrated graves of soldiers who died over there liberating their country. Howard ended up going off on the French for a minute talking about what scumbags they have been over the years.
Howard took a call from a guy who said out in L.A. They're using Howard's name for ''Stars of the Howard Stern Show'' as a promotion. Stuttering John and Gary said that the guy is Dan the photographer who is just calling in to rile him up. Dan said he wasn't kidding though. Artie said they are doing a show out in L.A. and he had the info right except for the ''Stars of the Howard Stern Show'' thing. Gary came in and said that they are not using Howard's name for this thing. John told Howard that they'd never use his name in this, they know better. Howard said if there is a commercial like that being used, he's going to have the show canceled. John said he'll make a call about it and make sure that is not happening.
Evil Dave Letterman was throwing in a few jokes here and there. He asked Howard for a tissue because his shingle scabs were falling off. Dave got off his script at one point so Howard told him to stick to it. Howard said he gets nervous when he sees Dave look up from the paper.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Goldust thing on his E! show last night was great. Howard said he got some e-mail about Artie's impression and people don't seem to like it. Another caller told Howard about the delay hit earlier when Dave said something about Renee Zellweger. Dave said all he said was that Renee Zellweger's face looked like an anal opening. Howard called Dead Air Dave in to ask him why he hit the delay. Dead Air said that he wasn't sure about that one so he hit the delay. Howard told him to just sit back there and smoke a doob instead of guessing at what he should hit the delay on. Howard said he and Fred sit around crafting that stuff so it can get on the air and Dead Air Dave hits the delay on it for no reason.
Henry Hill called in so Howard told him to get to whatever it was quickly. Henry said he wants to be out in Vegas when Howard is there. Howard told him he can't stop him so he's free to go wherever he wants. That was all he wanted so they got off the phone within a few seconds. Artie said he thinks it would be fun to hang out with Henry but Howard said the guy is kind of scary. Howard said he's probably fun to hang out with until he takes a baseball bat to the side of your head. Howard said O.J. Simpson is probably a fun guy to hang out with until he loses his temper too. Artie said he'd do an experiment and go out with Henry one night with a hidden camera. Howard took another break shortly after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if he could replay some of the David Lee Roth clips he played yesterday. Howard told the guy he has a bunch of new ones today. The guys said they hope this isn't Dave actually auditioning for a job on the station or something. Howard said he thinks it might be over for Dave. He said it's just kind of sad that he's doing that stuff. Howard said he's really not that bad at being a DJ though. Howard said Gary told him that Dave was talking directly to him on the air yesterday. Howard hit a button and played the wrong thing. It was actually the original version of ''I Love Rock and Roll'' by The Arrows. Howard said a lot of people don't know that Joan Jett wasn't the person who wrote that song. She just covered it. Howard played that for a few seconds and then played some of David Lee Roth's stuff. David Lee was still ''missing the post'' as he introduced some of the songs. Dave also talked about Eddie Van Halen being dumped by his wife. Gary came in a few seconds later and said that Dave gave a little dig to DJ Julie Slater during one of those clips. He basically called Julie a dog. Howard replayed it and when Dave heard the dogs barking in a Janes Addiction song, he said something about the DJ that was on before him which was Julie Slater.
Evil David Letterman was still there with jokes read to go. Howard let him read from his script and tell a few jokes. He always screws up his lines and misreads what he has there in front of him. He got tongue tied a couple of times while trying to read his lines. He told Howard he's going to dedicate his life to a nude Boy Scout camp sometime soon. He was rambling quite a bit so Howard got back to the David Lee stuff.
Dave started rapping to the start of a Nirvana song at one point. It was actually kind of funny. He missed the post again though. In another clip Dave talked about his arrest for pot possession. Howard did his impression of Dave for a couple of minutes. He would just start rambling nonsense as the guys played a song for him to intro. A listener called in and asked Howard to explain what ''the post'' was and why they had to hit it. Howard said it's just when you talk up a song until the vocals start. Howard continued to talk up some songs as David Lee Roth after that. He said he wishes Dave well and likes that he's doing the show. Dave has been promoting his new album on the station and sang along with one of his own songs for a few seconds at one point. Howard was wondering of Dave is looking to get that gig full time because he seems to be trying really hard to sound good. Gary told Howard to play the last clip he has of Dave because he talks about doing something to someone's daughter. Howard played a few more clips but didn't get to what Gary was talking about. Howard and the guys said Cabbie must be pissed that he's not on with David Lee. Cane went on vacation and Cabbie is still in the city. They have another DJ, Maze, working the board for David Lee.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and let some guys talk about David Lee Roth. He was going to move on but Evil Dave Letterman had more to say. He read some more stuff from his script and screwed up every line he read. He was telling Artie to say hello to his penis when he sees it but it didn't come out right. He was reading some other stuff and screwed that up too. Howard thought it was kind of funny though. He had to take a break a short time later.
Evil David Letterman said he had an entry for the Miss Butta Face contest, Farrah Fawcett. He said she's like Johnny Winter with a vagina. Dave also had some pedophile jokes that he told about himself. He also joked that he's raped 19 women at knife point. No one seemed to get the joke though.
Howard had some e-mail to read. When he asked if anyone wanted to hear it, Fred played some of the Robert Duvall clips they have of him saying ''Yeah'' in his cool, relaxed way. Howard ended up talking about the 19 year old female POW that was rescued yesterday. He said he saw her picture in the paper and thought she looked like she was about 12. He said they're all brave over there. She was apparently shot a few times so it was tough to move her out of the hospital.
Howard took a phone call from someone who lost a family member in the World Trade Center attacks. He said he can't lose another one in this war. Robin and Howard talked about how people are speaking out against this war because we're killing people over there. Robin said no one was upset before we went over there and Saddam Hussein was killing his own people. Howard said he didn't want to get into that too much though so he took another phone call.
This guy called in the other day asking Howard for advice on what to say to his girlfriend to let her know she's got a butter face. Howard said he's not sure people like Celine Dion even know that they're butter faces. Howard told this guy that he would tell the girl himself if the guy can't do it. He said he'd tell them about the contest and they can make the decision themselves. The guy said his girl is at work so he can't do it right now. Howard told him to give him a call earlier in the show and he can do it then.
Howard got to the e-mail he had. Someone wrote in about how disturbing Gary's caps were during the ''Howard Stern's Jerkoff'' special last week. Howard said that special will air again on Saturday night. Howard went on to talk about Jennifer Garner and Scott Foley breaking up. Howard said he knew Garner was a phony and their marriage wouldn't last. He seems to think that she only went with Foley because she thought he was going to be a big star. Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that Garner is hot and didn't know why he was going off on her. Howard said she probably met some guy on the set of a movie and dumped Foley. Ralph also had some advice about the Miss Butta Face contest. He said guys just have to tell their women that their bodies are better than their faces. You don't have to tell them that their face are horrible.
Howard got back to more e-mail. Some people wrote in to thank Howard for backing the troops who are fighting over in Iraq. Another e-mailer asked what happened to Stern Show regular Tempest who hasn't been on the show for years. Howard said he seems to remember her saying something about wanting to get out of stripping and maybe getting into religion. He also said they got a lot of mail about the ''50 Ways to Kill Saddam'' song and how they want him to post it on the web. Howard whipped through some other e-mail from people who had thoughts on Howard's views on the war. Some people thanked him and some told him to stop getting political on the show because he doesn't know what he's talking about. He had an e-mail about the jokes that the real David Letterman used when he came back from his time off while he suffered from shingles. He had joked that he was cured by duct tape and no one was sure what that meant. A few people took stabs at what they thought the joke meant but no one was sure.
A listener called in and said he thinks Tempest may have committed suicide but Howard said he doesn't think that's the case. Howard took a couple of other calls and one woman said that she wants to take Artie on in a game of basketball. Artie seems to think that he could beat any girl in a game of basketball. Howard said they want to set something up out in Vegas and they want a pro to play. Howard said they have like $10,000 in prize money and $5,000 worth of gym equipment to give away in that battle. Gary said they have offers in to some pretty big names. Gary said they have an offer in to a WNBA chick and some others from colleges and other WNBA teams. Artie said that he's really not that good but women just can't play better than a guy his size. Gary wondered if Artie has any stamina at all. Artie said he hasn't played ball since last summer. The woman on the phone said that she played college basketball for Holy Family. Artie laughed when he heard that but Gary said she can probably beat him. She's only 5'5'' tall but the guys still think she'd beat him. The woman said she just wants to come and show Artie how hard it's going to be. Artie said if this is the chick who plays, he's guaranteed to win the ten grand. Artie asked her how well she thinks she'd do to a game of 15. She said she was 100 percent sure she'd beat him. Howard said he thinks Artie will be winded within minutes. Gary and Stuttering John talked about some of the other women who want to take Artie on. Gary said there's one chick who is only 5'6'' but she's in the WNBA. He said she'd beat the crap out of Artie. Stuttering John said they should have this woman Michelle, who was on the phone, come in on Monday and just show Artie how hard it's going to be. Artie continued to argue that there's no way a 5'5'' tall woman can beat him. Stuttering John, Gary and Howard all wanted to bet Artie $1,000 each that he'd lose. Michelle said that she works out all the time and she's only 26 years old. Howard mentioned the fact that John beat a champion female runner recently. It was the same day he raced Marco Battaglia and lost. The woman, who hadn't run in a year, offered to race John and ended up losing. Artie said that woman was in unbelievable shape. Gary said she's begging for a rematch. Artie bragged that he'd played high school baseball and stuff like that and he was really good. Howard took a call from another woman who played some ball in college and still plays in a men's league down in Philadelphia. Howard wanted to stick with Michelle the 5'5'' tall girl because it would mean more if she beat Artie. Artie said that he's never tried this before because the women at the games he's been at are usually on the side making sandwiches and stuff. Robin said he should play both of them. Howard put both of them on hold and said he wants this to happen out in Vegas.
Gary gave Howard tape of Jillian Barberie on The Tonight Show last night talking about Sandra Bernhard's revelations about her relationship with Jay on Howard's show. Dorothy Lucy made it sound like she was the one who broke the story. Howard was the one who got it out of her though. Jillian told Jay that she got really excited when she heard the story.
Gary had some other audio clips for Howard. He had Corey Clark from ''American Idol'' making a statement on the show last night. Howard talked about how they supposedly do a background check on these people but always miss stuff and have to kick them off the show. Howard goofed on the guy who was on as a special guest judge last night. They goofed on him and the way he looks for a couple of minutes. Howard played the clip of Corey Clark denying the charges that he has against him. He was rambling a bit so Howard said it was sounding like the David Lee Roth show. After hearing it Howard thought his claims were kind of odd. He was apparently charged with beating up his sister and then assaulting four cops. Corey said he's innocent though.
Howard took a call from another woman, Christine Rigby, who wants to play ball against Artie. She said that she's 6'6'' tall and played on some championship teams. Howard ended up asking her some questions about being as tall as she is. He wondered if she can get dudes and if her vagina is bigger than normal. She said she can get guys and her vagina isn't bigger than normal. Howard wanted to see what she looks like so she gave out her name so he could search for her. Howard was having computer problems though. (Here's the site) Howard said she looked sweet. He kind of laughed before saying it though. Artie said he'd play anyone they put up against him but he'd prefer they have someone closer to his height of 5'10''. Howard wondered how Artie, a 35 year old, has the mentality of a 75 year old Italian guy as far as women go. Artie later joked that he can't believe that women are allowed to vote. He said that some of his views are right about stuff like that. Howard took a break after that and said they'd do the news when they got back.
Howard took another call from a WNBA star, Kara Walter, who said she's not sure if her contract will allow her to play a game against Artie. She said she'd be willing to coach Artie though. Gary said that she's 6'7'' tall. She said that she dates a guy who is only 6' tall. Howard asked her how much she can make playing ball in that league. She said the average salary in the league is only about $40,000. Howard thought it was funny that they won't let her play a game against a guy she's almost guaranteed to beat when the prize money is 1/4 of what she makes in a year. She and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how tall she is and what she has to go through being so tall. She said that she can still be sexy at that height but Howard said it has to be awkward. Gary said the players are all checking into their contracts to see if they can participate in this competition. Artie said the reason they don't get paid big money in the league is because no one goes to see the games. Artie won't change his mind about the fact that he can't be beaten by a woman. Howard wrapped up that call after saying he'd like to talk to her about her sex life more. He had Robin do her news after that. Evil Dave stuck around and screwed up some more lines during the news.
After the break Howard brought up the 19 year old Marine who was rescued over in Iraq. Howard said she looked really scared when he saw her on the news. He figured that the Iraqis must have raped her or something to freak her out. Howard said they're animals over there and when they come over there they're animals here. He did an impression of one as did Artie. Howard said it sounds kind of racist when you call them animals when they come over here but it's true. He got back to the 19 year old and said she fought until she ran out of bullets. Howard said he heard that she took down a couple of Iraqis while she was doing that. Howard said you have to dehumanize people during the war. Ronnie the Limo Driver has been telling Howard what animals these guys are who come over here from the Middle East. He came in and told Howard how they'll just pull over to the side of the road and take a leak in public. Ronnie said ''At least buy a bottle of Snapple and go in the bottle.'' He said that there's a war going on out in the streets with these guys. He said he was waiting for Howard to come out of his agent's office one day and this guy, who may or may not have been Iraqi, was walking around with his pants open. He said it's getting real bad out there.
Ronnie mentioned something about Scott the Engineer being stupid. That got them off the Iraq stuff for a short time. Howard took a phone call from a guy who got them back on the subject though. Another caller said that what most cab drivers do in the city is carry a bottle around with them in their cab to piss in. He said they call it ''going Arab.'' Howard said we need a name for the Iraqis like Gook was used for Vietnamese. Another caller told Ronnie that he was nuts calling Iraqis animals. He said most Middle Eastern people don't cause crime. It's the whites and blacks according to the caller. Howard thought the guy was nuts and told him to get out of there. The guy said he'd rather live with Asians anytime. The guy ended up cursing while he was yelling at Ronnie so they turned everything around on him and called him an animal himself.
Another phone caller said that they strip and sexually abuse prisoners over in Iraq. He said they strip them down, use electric shock and shove things where they don't belong. Howard was wondering if the guy had a dehumanizing name to use for Iraqis. Howard wondered if Sand-Homos was a good one. Howard said he likes that one. As he and Artie were playing with that new slur, he played his song parody ''50 Ways to Kill Saddam.'' After playing the song he said he should go on Leno or Letterman's show to play it for them. He said he's pretty sure Bill O'Reilly would let him perform it on his show. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said everything that's mentioned in his song is stuff that we hear they're doing to our troops over in Iraq. He eventually said we should torture them over there by using toothpicks to hold open their eyes and make them watch the movie ''Dirty Work.'' (A movie Artie was in).
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested using ''Ewokis'' (Ewok from the Star Wars movie) or ''Wookies'' because they're so hairy over in Iraq. Another guy suggested ''Oil nig*ers'' which Artie changed to ''Oil Homos.'' The term ''Sand Gook'' was also used. Howard said we need something different for the Iranians because they may be next on our list. Howard did a President Bush impression and talked about how Howard Stern was going to be head of derogatory names.
Gary wondered who would let Howard perform ''50 Ways to Kill Saddam.'' Howard was thinking ''American Idol'' might be good. He said he could have all of the contestants help him out with that song. That led to them talking about Clay who is one of the contestants on the show. Howard and the guys said they're not sure if he's gay or not but the jury was out on that and came back saying that he is. They talked about how feminine he is on the show for a short time. Howard said the big surprise on that show is that the big, fat black guy isn't guilty of any crimes like a couple of the contestants have been.
Howard said Gary was on the web site where they show where sex offenders are located and he found out some interesting facts. Most of the people are in a city next to where he lives and he has about 4 in his own neighborhood. He also noticed that there are a lot of Hispanics in the database. That led to them talking about Robin's father who molested her. Howard wondered if her father ever did anything to anyone else. Robin said he did but wouldn't say anything else about who it was. Howard said the site sounds cool and wants to go on to check it out. Gary said there are some people who he wants to show Howard but they have to be careful not to mention any names or anything.
One of the guys from the Jesus Twins, Eric, called in to tell Howard he knows nothing about this war. He told Howard that Iraq wasn't responsible for the 9/11 attacks, it was Saudi Arabia. Howard asked him how he knew that and he said he took political science classes at a local college. Howard ended up goofing on the guy a little bit because of that. Gary told Howard that the Jesus Twins have a peace song out called ''Peace is the Word'' (PeaceIsTheWord.com) like the song ''Grease is the Word.'' Howard and the wacky twin argued about the subject for a short time. Howard told the guy he's insane. He was in a mental institution for a while and Howard wanted him to talk about that. Eric (Jesus Twin) was yelling at Howard telling him the facts he wanted to talk about and Howard told him he hopes the next terrorist attack is on his house. Howard told Eric that he has to go to work and forget about this stuff. Eric told Howard he does work every day writing music. Eric was saying that Howard was lumping all Arab people together in this discussion. Howard said he wasn't lumping them together, they were talking about just the Iraqis. Eric said that he agrees that Hussein is a scumbag and has to be removed from power though. He wasn't making much sense. The guy ended up hanging up on Howard before Howard could hang up on him. Howard said they're teaching kids to hate themselves in school these days and that's where some of this stuff is coming from. Howard had to take another break shortly after that discussion.
Howard said David Lee Roth's last day filling in for Cane on his radio station was yesterday. He said he heard from a lot of people that they enjoyed listening to Dave for the past couple of days. Howard had a few more clips to play of Dave's ramblings as a DJ. Howard played a couple of Dave's intros and spent some time talking about Dave. He said he's heard that David has a long time girlfriend that he doesn't tell anyone about because he wants to keep the image of himself being a womanizer.
Eric from the Jesus Twins called back and told Howard to keep playing his song because he might learn something. He claims that his career is going just fine as a musician these days. Howard and Eric started to get into their argument again but Howard cut him off and said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Howard told him he didn't want to play his song and was going to play something else. He and Artie ended up calling Eric a ''Slag Lover'' and goofed on him a little more. Eric said it was a pleasure talking to him. He said he hopes Howard learns something about what's really going on over in Iraq. Howard said he's going to get his news from Valley College where Eric got his education from. Howard went on to play Dan the Song Parody Man's Metallica song remix which features clips of him talking about the attacks on 9/11. Howard went on to talk about how our President finally fooled these guys and is willing to fight the good fight. He said Hussein never expected this when he was handing over billions to terrorists. Howard figures they never thought we'd bother with them. Howard said payback is a bitch and he can't wait to see who is next on the list. Robin said the French are now saying that they think the Saddam regime has to go. Howard said they're just Johnny-come-lately's or Froggy-come-latelys. He spent a couple of minutes on that subject. Robin said the way you have to deal with a crazy person is to get crazy yourself. Howard said if there's another terrorist attack we should pick another country to attack. Howard was using that term ''Slags'' while he was talking about the subject. Howard said he was in the gym yesterday working out so he can be in shape just in case he has to go over there and fight himself. He also said he was getting his laser hair removal done on his back.
Howard changed subjects and said he got a lot of e-mail about the basketball game Artie is going to play against a WNBA player. Howard read some of the e-mail and talked to Artie about how people want to bet on him. Howard said he's going to let Artie play against the girl who played division 2 basketball. Howard said he heard from a coach of women's basketball who said that Artie will be able to beat a woman. Robin said if he can beat ''any'' female player then he should be playing the 6'7'' tall chick that called in yesterday. Someone also suggested that they use a WNBA basketball because it's smaller than a NBA regulation ball.
Howard read some mail for Evil Dave Letterman who screwed up so many jokes and pronunciations yesterday. Some people like him but want him to read his lines better. Another e-mailer wanted to know where Daniel Carver has been. The writer wanted to get more info on how to get a ''cement nig*er'' for his brother. Howard said he's not sure he wants to help the guy out with that though.
Howard played a new song that Mark Harris wrote about the Dixie Chicks and what they said about the war. Howard said you can't be gayer than Mark Harris. He played the song and goofed on it a little bit. Howard also played the Darrell Worley pro-war song. He said he likes the lyrics but he's not a country music fan. He listened to that for a short time and was surprised that the guy was able to work in Osama bin Laden's name in the song. He played some more Mark Harris stuff after that. Fred threw in the gay pig squeal and some grunts from wrestler Goldust into the mix. Howard switched from the Mark Harris stuff to the Darrell Worley song. Howard wondered where Bruce Springsteen was in all of this and where his pro-war song is. Artie said Springsteen did do some pro-firefighter stuff after 9/11 but that wasn't good enough for Howard.
Howard got back to e-mail and said that a lot of people loved the Goldust thing on E!. One guy thought Artie's impression was great. Another guy thought that Artie's impression was lame. Robin also got some nice e-mail. Howard read through some of that and said he got some about himself too. There was also some mail about Lenny Kravitz being on the show and how Howard dissed him by letting people badmouth him on the air. Howard said they take calls that they can't control.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in on the verge of tears after hearing the Darrell Worley song. She lost a family member in the World Trade Center and it upsets her. She told Howard that she hopes our soldiers come home safe from the war and no one else gets hurt. Mariann said when Howard talks about the planes crashing into the buildings it brings back memories. She said that it's horrible for her kids because when they see that tape of the planes crashing and stuff it brings back the memories.
Howard read another e-mail from a guy who didn't understand why Howard was dissing David Letterman when he came back from his illness. The guy claimed that he got the duct tape joke that Dave told but he didn't explain it to Howard. Howard said the guy wouldn't be able to explain it. He said he had a lot of stuff to get to after the next break. He said he's going to expose a bunch of people who have ripped him off lately. He said he's going to give out the names of the people at Telepictures who think they can hide behind a company name. He said he's going to talk about Scott Einziger, Mike Fleiss and all of the other people at Telepictures. He called Mike Fleiss a phony and said he'll mention two other names of people at Telepictures after the break. This all has to do with the ABC TV show ''Are You Hot?'' He took a break shortly after that.
Howard said there's a new reality TV show featuring Donald Trump. They're going to have 15 interns who will be competing to work for Trump. Howard said Trump will pick the winner and it'll probably just be the hottest female intern. Howard said he knows Trump and all of the interns will probably be girls. Robin figures they have to have some guys in the group though. Howard said he doesn't hire the interns around there because all he would do is hire hot female interns.
Howard wondered where Cat Stevens is during all of this war stuff. Howard had to explain who Cat Stevens was because most of his audience probably never heard of him. He sang some of his songs and Robin said the only way she ever heard those songs was through the walls of her dorm room. She said she was so happy when he stopped recording. Howard talked about how crazy the guy was and how someone should have written a book about him.
Howard talked about how terrorists are threatening to poison our food supplies over here but we don't care because we're already poisoning ourselves with McDonald's food and stuff like that. Robin talked about how much Artie ate yesterday.
Howard said they were ripped off with ''American Idol'' last night because they didn't vote anyone off. He and Robin talked about that rip off for a few seconds. Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up the Miss Butta Face contest and said he knows a girl who has an amazing body but her face is really bad. Howard told the guy that he banged a girl in college who was a real butter face. He said he was on drugs the night she came on to him and wasn't even able to walk up the steps because he was so wasted. His friend Dr. Lou suggested to him that he think about it when he was sober before banging the chick who came on to him. The guy on the phone said he had this chick in the hot tub and was playing with her. He was still wondering if it's worth the effort to get her in bed. Howard told him it's really not worth it because he'll hate himself after he bangs her. He said once he orgasms, he'll be sick. Gary came in and said that he won't be proud to have her as a girlfriend either. It will show that his caliber of woman is that low. Howard gave out some info about the Miss Butta Face contest they're holding in Las Vegas later this month. There's a $25,000 grand prize for the contest. If you're interested just call them at 1-800-44-STERN or e-mail them at firstname.lastname@example.org.
A caller asked Howard how good the butter face chick was that he had in bed. Howard said he didn't have to do much foreplay because she was already excited. He said he had to kiss her a little bit though. He said he lasted about 4 seconds when he banged her. He said once he was done he was snapped out of his hypnotized state and said he had to go. He said she had 3 of her male friends come in while he was still laying on the bed. He said they were laughing at him and goofing on him and he had to pretend that he liked her. Howard said he was never going to put himself in that position again. He said he later ran into her on the street and had sex with her one more time because she was good in bed. The caller said that he has banged some butter faces in his time and actually dated one for a couple of weeks. Howard said the girl couldn't have been that bad then. He said she looked like a witch though. The guy said he had a really hot chick who just laid there in bed and waited for him to do all of the work. Howard said he dated a girl after his divorce who was able to give him such good oral sex that he was done in two seconds. He said she was really hot but she's really insecure about her looks and doesn't think she's good looking. Howard said he doesn't mind women who just lay there because he likes to dominate. Howard said he finds one body part that looks good and concentrates on that. He said he never looked at the butter face squarely in the eye. He said he once looked at a girl's foot the whole time he was banging her with her feet up by her head. Artie said he tries to block his face with a girls foot when he's banging them. Howard said he doesn't like when girls look at his face either.
Howard had this picture that this guy sent them of the ultimate butter face. They covered her face and showed her body that was a 10. They then revealed her face and Robin was horrified by it. She said she could tell that the girl thinks she's hot because of the way she was posing.
Gary asked Howard if he's had girls tell him that he's attractive. Howard said he's heard that before. Gary said he's heard it too but knows they're full of it when they're saying it. Artie said he's had women open their eyes during sex and when they see his face they get a startled look on their face. Howard said the chick that gave him great oral was amazed that she actually found herself liking Howard. He said he took that as a compliment. He brought up how smitten Julie Bowen was when she came in recently. Jillian Barberie is also one who really seems to like him. Gary asked Howard which one of those two he'd bang if he was single again. Howard said he'd bang Jillian until he couldn't take her annoying personality anymore. He said he'd then go to Julie. Stuttering John asked Howard who he'd bang in the butter face category, Sarah Jessica Parker or Tori spelling. Howard went with Sarah. That led to Howard talking about how he finds her kind of attractive. She's short and thin and he likes that. Howard said she's hot to him. Howard said that they both act nice around him so he's not sure if either of them are snotty. Howard said Tori has nothing to say because he went out to dinner one night and she was there. He said that Sarah Jessica Parker has a lot to say and she's pretty smart.
Howard talked about the night he was out with Tori Spelling because Jessica Hahn was there. Howard said he and Jessica danced and he ended up lifting up her dress on the dance floor exposing her ass and vagina. Howard said he never had Jessica sexually though. He said he never would have done anything with her. He said she asked him one time and he said no. Gary wondered if Howard would have had sex with her back in the day. Howard said he had no desire to follow Sam Kinison. They talked about how Jessica ended up cleaning up Sam Kinison's shit when he crapped on the floor of their hotel room one time. Gary had a story about Carmen Electra cleaning up after Dennis Rodman one time also. He didn't give out all of the details but Howard figured out some of it. A listener told Howard about hot Carmen Electra looked on MTVs Spring Break coverage. Howard talked about Pam Anderson and Kid Rock for a short time. He seems to think that Kid Rock really loves Pam. He thought it was going to be all over when they found out about Pam's Hepatitis C but they've stayed together. The guys talked about some other female celebrities. Howard talked about how pussy whipped Julia Roberts' husband is already. He said she's got to be a big pain in the ass and she's probably not done banging co-stars in her movies. Howard brought up a story about how he was dating a chick who was pretty famous. He said he was walking down the street and a few people said ''hi'' to him. Then one person said something to the woman and he started to think that she might be more famous than him and didn't like that. Robin told the guys a story about dating Penn of Penn and Teller and they went out to eat one time. She said if you're famous you can get good tables and they didn't get one. Penn went to the bathroom and the Maitre D recognized Robin and gave them a better table. She said someone called Penn ''Howard'' while they were walking down the street too. Howard had to take another break after that discussion.
After that Howard played some more David Lee Roth clips. He said it's pretty cool that they can get a David Lee Roth to DJ at their station. He went on to talk about Metallica and said that might be his all time favorite band. Robin told him that they're going to be playing at the Dysfunctional Family Picnic that their station puts on each year. Howard talked about one of the DFPs they went to where they pulled down someone's pants. Artie said he saw Metallica one year and he wasn't that big of a fan. He said they kicked ass that day.
Howard wondered who else was playing that concert. Robin said Linkin Park, the Deftones and Mudvayne are also playing in the concert. They said the concert is during their vacation in July though so they're not sure if they're going to go or not.
Howard wasn't sure what he wanted to do at this point in the show. He was going to have Robin start the news but Artie was waiting to hear the names of the Telepictures people that he was going to reveal. Howard said he didn't have that info available because he has to call in to his voice mail or something to get them. Howard said he doesn't want to just say that he's suing Telepictures, he wants to give out names. Howard said he doesn't want to dwell on that right now though. Robin started her news after that. After reading a story about how someone who was on The Sopranos was arrested for buying the drug Special K, Ralph called in to tell Howard what it was like when he tried it. He said it was like a head rush thing. Artie said he'd never tried the stuff but he had tried Ecstasy when he was younger. He seemed to think the Special K was a relatively new drug.
Ralph also had a few things to say about Scott Einziger. He said he went to his wedding and gave him a cash gift. Howard told Ralph that Scott ripped him off too then. He spent a couple of minutes talking about Einziger's involvement in that ''Are You Hot?'' show. Howard said he was working on a show that was going to air on a cable network but Einziger and a few other guys ripped off his ideas and put it on ABC. He said that he would have had a job for Einziger on the cable show if they hadn't canceled it. Howard said Einziger totally stabbed him in the back and he's not going to let any of those guys get away with ripping him off. Howard said he really didn't think Scott was like that. Howard said he's heard that Scott is telling people that Howard didn't go to his wedding so that's an excuse for him doing the ''Are You Hot?'' show. Howard wasn't able to go to his Scores bachelor party either. Howard said he doesn't get Scott but Mike Fleiss is a punk. Howard said that guy used to call him trying to get him to do shows with him. He didn't work with him so Howard thinks that Fleiss went out and did the show on his own. Howard compared those guys to the French who have desecrated the US soldier graves over in France. Howard said people forget who their friends are and who went to bat for them. Howard said he's sure Scott will get involved with another hit show someday. Ralph also revealed that Mike Fleiss was at Scott's wedding. Howard said Scott was claiming that he didn't know Fleiss before but he apparently did. Howard said Scott was aware of the fact he had his own show in the works based on their ''Evaluators'' segment. He said he hadn't actually gotten to the money talks with Showtime. He had a schedule planned out for a 10 city tour to do the show. He said that Ralph could have made about a million bucks working for that show because he would have been a major part of it. Howard said he's not actually sure about how much he would have made though. Ralph ended up asking Scott, over the air, if he could have his $200 wedding gift back.
A listener called in and asked why Howard isn't suing ''Street Smarts'' because they're doing the Homeless Game. Howard said the people that produced that show are also Telepictures. He said they even called him before they did it and asked him if he wanted to be part of it. Howard said he didn't go with them so they went ahead and did it. Howard said Scott Einziger also hired Jackie Martling to rub his face in it even more with ''Are You Hot?'' Ralph said he doesn't even want to use his laser pointer anymore because ''Are You Hot?'' tainted that whole thing. Howard said he would have given Ralph a telestrater instead. Howard said Ralph would have had a job if they'd done that job. Gary came in and said they were talking about what Ralph would be like if he was a star and had some money. Ralph had to go shortly after that discussion. Artie suggested that Ralph sue Lorenzo Lamas for ripping off his laster pointer idea. Howard said Lorenzo is just a dope who doesn't know what's going on. He had to take another break after that.
Howard took a call from Al Rosenberg who used to work on the show. Al told Howard that he sold Telepictures a new idea based on a home video he had. He said Howard was at his son's Bar Mitzvah so they're going to do a show called ''Howard Comes to my Kid's Bar Mitzvah'' with him. Howard and Al goofed on Don Imus for a couple of minutes. Al said there's no ideas coming out of Imus' show that can be ripped off.
Gary came in a minute later and said they have a WNBA player out in the green room and he had a great conversation with her. He said she thinks there's no way Artie can keep up with her. She's 6'1'' tall. Her name is Marissa Graby(News story) or something like that. Howard said she's actually very pretty for someone that tall. Howard asked her a couple of questions about her dating life and then asked Artie if he thinks he can beat her. Artie quickly said he could. Marissa then told Howard that she played for Penn State for a while and played in the WABA which competes with the WNBA. Gary said there are other women who want to take Artie on in a game of basketball. Marissa thinks she should play Artie because they're closer in height. Artie seems to agree. Howard had her take her shoes off and stand next to Artie. They're almost the same height. Artie said it's a woman and they're going to play a sport so he's definitely going to beat her. Gary said they'd discuss it in their show meeting today and figure out who is going to play Artie for the $10,000. Artie said this chick is a perfect challenge because she's not a pro. If she beats him then his theory is blown. Stuttering John said they have a ton of women who want to take him on. Gary said he thinks he could pull a woman off the street who would be able to beat Artie. Artie agrees that she's a better human specimen than him but they're playing basketball so there's no competition. This game is going to be a 15 point game. Howard said it's great because Marissa is quiet. She'll probably beat him too.
Howard told Marissa that she'll win $10,000 if she beats Artie. If she loses, she should have to kiss Artie full on the lips. Artie suggested that she be forced to make him a full course dinner while he verbally abuses her. Artie has asked to do this on the first day they're out in Vegas. He wants to be able to drink the rest of the time.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Marissa about her breasts and some other stuff like that. Howard said he thinks that she'll blow Artie out of the water in this game. He said he doesn't even think Artie will get 4 points. He was willing to put up $500 with Artie on that bet. Gary asked Marissa how much she played ball when she was in college. She said she played every single day. Marissa said that she's going to try and make Howard's bet happen and not let Artie score more than 4 points.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that he thinks Artie can win. Howard said he has to say that because he's a fat, white guy himself. He said he's ready to take all bets on that too.
Howard took a call from Marissa's boyfriend. He asked him about banging her but the guy wasn't talking. He said that Marissa practiced playing ball with other guys. Robin said if that's the case he's going to lose.
Robin and the other guys were putting money up against Artie. Artie didn't want to bet that much but took three $500 bets with them. Howard said he thinks they're going to do the game with Marissa because she actually showed up at the station. Howard had her show off her body a bit because she said she still works out every day. Howard said she's got a great body from what he could see.
Artie said it's three weeks before they go to Vegas and he's already down two grand. Artie asked Marissa a few questions about her workout and laughed at her when she said she can bench press 115 pounds. He said he hasn't worked out since high school and he could still bench that much. Artie joked that he can't wait to go to Vegas on a Monday night and have a nice warm glass of milk. Marissa said that's a good thing to mention because she grew up on a dairy farm. Gary said she told him earlier that she used to throw big, heavy bails of hay on the farm. Howard had to wrap up everything once again so he could take another break.
After the break Fred was playing some music and throwing in some sound effects. He went on to talk about how Jimmy Kimmel had Mike Tyson on his show all week as a co-host. Howard said he's kind of jealous because he'd like to have him on his show. Howard said not much happened with Tyson though. He had a couple of clips so he played those and Artie goofed on him. Howard said you couldn't understand what Tyson was saying most of the time. You just hear a couple of words while he's mumbling. Everything was taken out of context though because Howard and the guys had no idea what was going on in the clip. Tyson was talking about going to sex therapy for some reason. Howard said they were trying to get Mike to come on their show but he backed out for some reason.
Captain Janks called in and said he accidentally made another phony phone call to MSNBC. He said he was calling in from Saddam Airport in Baghdad. All he did was tell them that he was from the NY Times. They wouldn't put him on NBC national news but did offer to put him on MSNBC. He said he had his radio on between stations to make some static. Howard wanted to hear it so Janks explained how he did it and played the call. He delayed his answers so it seemed like he was actually that far away. The news host, Chris Matthews, had no idea it was Janks. Janks told him that the Iraqi civilians over there were asking for tapes of Howard Stern and Matthews says ''You're kidding!'' They hung up on him and Matthews moved on without saying anything. Howard thought that was pretty funny. Howard went on to do an Iraqi impression and goofed on how Iraqis would ask for tapes of his show. Janks replayed the call as Howard was getting ready to hang up on him. Robin said Janks is better when he starts off with something real and then says Howard's name.
A listener called in and said he heard the call on MSNBC and thought it was pretty believable until Janks said ''Howard Stern.''
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik. He offered to play Artie in a game of Basketball. Howard said they didn't need him to do that though. Howard asked Erik if he's paid off his limo bills yet. Erik said he's working full time now and loves his job at Toyota of Manhattan. He offered to give Howard a good deal on one if he needs it. Howard got off the phone a short time later.
A listener called in and brought up Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam because he took a picture of President Bush at a concert and smashed it on the stage. A bunch of fans walked out of the show because of it. The caller wanted Howard's station to ban their music but Howard said he hopes they don't. He said he doesn't agree with what Eddie did but there's no reason to ban their music. Howard said he thinks those guys have to shut up about that stuff right now because people just don't want to hear it. He said it's just not cool. Howard said Eddie doesn't know how to do anything but make good music and should just shut up for now.
Bobo called in and asked if Howard talked about this lawsuit against Scott Einziger with his therapist. Howard said he has discussed that with his therapist. He went on to talk about the lawsuit and how he has to sue an old friend now because he ripped him off. Howard also brought up the two names that he mentioned yesterday late in the show. He mentioned Jim Perritori and Bruce Rosenblum who are the big wigs behind Telepictures. Howard wanted to expose them for the type of guys they were. Bobo also mentioned Jackie's name because he was working for ''Are You Hot?'' Howard said Jackie doesn't mean anything to him as far as that show goes. He said Jackie would go work for anyone. Howard said someone spoke to Scott Einziger and Scott said he hired Jackie because he ''felt sorry for him'' because he was out of work. Howard said there are a lot of people who are pissed at Scott right now. Howard also brought up how the same company ripped off his show with the ideas behind ''Street Smarts'' which is like his homeless game. Howard said he let that one slip but when the ripped off his show with ''Are You Hot?'' he had to go after him.
Bobo also asked Howard if Stuttering John is going to be fighting Mr. X out in Vegas. Howard said that's not happening. Howard goofed on Bobo a little bit before letting him go. He goofed on his fake hair and ended up calling him Bozo as he was getting off the phone. He wondered why a guy would like being called Bobo. He said ''Baldo'' would be more appropriate.
A listener called in and asked Howard about his Uncensored E! show DVD. Howard said the process is very slow. He said they have so much material that they don't know how to do it. He said they could do it a whole bunch of different ways. He said they could do something with just women who got implants or just the times he spanked girls while they were naked. He's not sure exactly what to do.
The caller asked if Howard he could play a game. KC came in and said he had a game ''Will High Pitch Erik have sex with three men for a trip to Vegas?'' He ran off to get the game and Gary said he had some prizes he could give to the guy. Howard said KC asked Erik if he would have sex with three men to win a trip to Vegas. The caller said that he would say that he would have sex to win the trip. At first, Erik said he couldn't do it. KC told him he couldn't go so Erik thought about it for a minute. He asked who they were and still said he couldn't do it. KC asked him if he'd do just one guy. Still, he said no. KC tried a couple of times but Erik kept saying that he wouldn't do it. Howard thought for sure he'd do it. Gary came in and said he could have talked Erik into it. He would have told him that he would put him in a suite and he'd get to hang out with them out there in Vegas. The caller didn't win so Howard hung up on him and moved on.
Howard said next week they'll have Lisa Marie Presley in. He said they've been waiting years to have her on the show. He wondered if she even remembers her father. Howard said Steve O will be in as well as Dick Smothers Jr. Howard said it was a great idea naming the guy Dick Smothers Jr. because he's a porn star now. Howard said Gilbert Gottfried will be in next week as well.
Howard brought up the Miss Butta Face contest that they're holding out in Las Vegas in a few weeks. The grand prize is $25,000 for that contest. Howard said they are getting a lot of entries for the contest. Gary said the got one from a woman who had a pretty good face but a bad body. The whole idea of the game is to find a woman with a great body but a bad face. Howard told Gary to let that woman enter anyway though.
Late in the show yesterday this female basketball player Marissa Graby came in and offered to play Artie in a 15 point game for $10,000. They're going to be doing that out in Vegas as well. Howard said they have the ten grand and $5,000 worth of Bally exercise equipment for the winner. Howard said they're also going to have another $100,000 bet for someone with a sad story. He said they have all of the details about the contest on GoldenPalace.com. Robin asked Howard about splitting in the Blackjack game. Howard told Robin how that's supposed to work. He wasn't quite sure if he was right about his explanation though.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy told Artie he's going to get his ass kicked by that female basketball player. Another guy brought up last night's ''Survivor'' and how disturbing Heidi is looking. Howard said she is getting pretty scary with the giant, fake boobs on a skeletor frame.
Robin mentioned that Fred will be leaving his baby daughter behind for the first time when they got out to Vegas. They wondered how he's going to handle that. Fred said he thinks he'll be okay. Howard had to take another break after talking to Fred for a few seconds.
Howard had a new Mr. Skin minute from MrSkin.com. In the segment Mr. Skin gives us the latest ''Skinfo'' on the nude scenes we can see in new movies or DVD releases. He said this week the movie ''Secretary'' is out on DVD and actress Maggie Gyllenhaal gets spanked at one point and then gets bathed by her co-star James Spader and, as Mr. Skin says, we get to see her ''Mag pies.'' Mr. Skin also mentioned the movie ''In The Cut'' that's coming out later this year. He said he's been told that there's some steamy sex and nudity in that movie and we'll get to see ''Meg's Pegs.''
Howard talked about the movie ''Secretary'' and how creepy it was. He wasn't sure if Robin would like it or not. She said she might not make it through the whole movie.
Howard said they called John the Stutterer yesterday and tried to convince him that Ralph was going to be booking all of the guests for their trip out to Vegas. Howard played the call and KC told him that he wasn't going to be doing the booking for travel this time, Ralph would. John hates Ralph and usually goes off on him. John figured it out immediately and knew they were goofing on him. KC ''transferred'' John to Ralph and Ralph tried to get him started. John hung up on him before he could get going though. KC called him back and John told him he doesn't want to talk to that prick. He said it's a joke. He started to stutter up a storm trying to explain to KC how he knows it's a joke. Ralph got on at the same time and tried to get John going. John started yelling at Ralph and called him an arrogant scumbag and some other stuff. The two of them went at each other for a short time. Once John got rolling he had no problem with stuttering. He just went off on him for being able to make fun of people but not being able to take it when he goofs on him. Howard said that went on for 8 minutes! He didn't play the whole tape.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said our troops found some chemical weapons over in Iraq this morning. Howard said he can't wait for them to drag Hussein out half dead from that country. He and the guys spent a minute on that subject.
Howard said he's gotten a lot of e-mail about the ''Sofa King'' commercial parody they did. He was going to give it one last play on the air even though he's played it a bunch of times already. For those of you who haven't heard it, it's a commercial for a sofa company but when they say Sofa King they add something like Sofa King Cheap so it sounds like ''So Fucking Cheap.''
Howard had some news to read about Julia Roberts. They're claiming that her marriage is already falling apart and she may be done with her husband already. Howard was talking about it just yesterday and predicted that she'd move on to someone else eventually. He talked about how loony Julia is and said that she's about as crazy as her brother Eric. Howard said he's heard that the reason they're breaking up is because the guy can't get Julia pregnant. He couldn't stop talking about her. He wondered what a relationship between the two of them would be like. He said that his girlfriend Beth has told him that he is high maintenance even though he doesn't see that.
Robin said she heard that Howard has a TV set up out in The Hamptons which he didn't know how to use. She said she heard that he had to call someone to ask how it worked. Howard said that's no true though. He said he called to get some other equipment hooked up to it but didn't need help on how to use it. He said he bought it at either a K-Mart or a Wal-Mart and Beth hooked it up for him.
Howard said he had to take a break before bringing in Dianna Kauffman from Mystique Magazine. Gary came in and spent a minute talking to Howard about Mystique and how hot the chicks are that they get. Gary said they have a print magazine and it doesn't have any articles in it, it's just pictures. Howard said it's amazing how they can get so many hot chicks to show their beaver these days. Years ago there weren't that many hot chicks out there doing porn. Howard said he'd rather have his daughter in a strip club rubbing her knee in someone's crotch than posing on the internet showing her beaver. He took a break after that short discussion.
Howard mentioned Mike Tyson on Jimmy Kimmel and said that all boxers end up going out on a sad note and this may have been Tyson's way to go out. He said Jimmy got Tyson to sing Karaoke on his show the other night. Howard played a clip and it was horrible. Howard said it was like King Kong performing. Howard said it was boring and he couldn't take it after a few seconds. Tyson went back and sat on the couch with Ali Landry who suggested that Tyson take on Roy Jones Jr. Tyson went on to ramble about how he wanted to bang Ali Landry in a very indirect way. Howard talked about Tyson being a rapist and how he really came off that way the way he was talking about Ali Landry.
Nude model Dianna Kauffman from Mystique Magazine (MystiqueMagazine.com ) came in to promote some stuff and to play the Gossip Game. Howard brought her in and said that she's a Jewish chick. He said you don't see that many hot Jewish chicks. It turns out she's German and not Jewish though. Howard had her walk in slowly so he could check her out. She sat down and said that she was raised Christian and that when you spell it with two F's it's German, one F is Jewish. Howard said she's a real hot chick and wondered why she decided to pose nude. She said she as approached by the magazine and it was so beautiful that she decided to go for it. Howard called it ''porno'' but she said because they don't show ''pink'' it's not porno. Howard asked her if she'd ever do girl on girl stuff in a magazine. She said she'd do a pictorial but no kissing or anything like that in a photo shoot. She said she's not a hard core porno chick. Howard said he likes that. She called her stuff ''Pin-up'' work. She said that she gets paid well by Mystique. She told Howard that Mystique is between Playboy and Victoria's Secret. That's the way they bill themselves.
Howard asked Dianna if she's got a boyfriend. She said she is dating a guy who does something like Global Relations for some company. Howard wondered what kind of job that is. She said she met him while she was on vacation in Big Bear Lake. Dianna said the guy just asked a few women to get on his boat with him and they went. Howard said the guy has to be really good looking for that to work. She said he is very good looking. Howard asked her what went on with the boat thing. She said he gave her his phone number that day and they hooked up later. Howard asked her if she ever does any lesbian stuff. She said she has done that and had a threesome with her previous boyfriend. She said stuff like that just happens and she didn't plan on it. Howard asked what the other girl gets to do with them. She said they can touch her boyfriend but not much else. She said they can give her oral.
Howard asked Dianna what her previous boyfriend did. She said he worked for a company that put celebrities on diets. Howard figured out it was The Zone diet. He went on to ask her what her boyfriend was allowed to do when they had the threesome. She said he's allowed to do a little bit but he has to concentrate on her. Howard asked if he just sits by and watches the two girls take their clothes off. She said that's what he does as well as touching himself. She said he can't be in the corner like a monkey beating off though. She also said that he can't kiss the other woman because that's too personal. She said spanking would be creepy so he can't do that either.
Dianna has implants that Howard asked about. Howard wondered if they were too big so he had her stand up to check out her body. Howard said they were fine. Robin thought they looked large when she was sitting but when she stood up they looked fine. Artie asked her how much it would cost to make out with her. She said she was offered $10,000 to have sex one time. Artie blurted out ''I'll double it!'' She's never done it though.
Howard read that Dianna had a threesome with Mickey Rourke at the Playboy Mansion last year. She said she had a few drinks in her and he was kind of cute. She said he's really not aging very well. She said it was her and another girl with Mickey. Howard wanted more details though. Dianna said she and a Playboy chick were hanging out with Mickey and they ended up going back to another room. She said she and the other girl got it on and Mickey ended up banging both of them. She said Mickey did wear a condom. She said he was hung well and he did perform pretty well. She said she was actually into the other girl more than Mickey though. The rules are different for a relationship like that according to Dianna.
Howard also read that Dianna once did four other hot model chicks. She said they all met at a club and all of them were hot chicks. She said one of them was her roommate and she'd had some fun with her previously. Howard thought she'd done quite a bit of stuff in her life for a 27 year old. He went on to ask her about that night that she did the other chicks.
Dianna said that she does some leg modeling so Howard spent a short time on that before getting back to the other story. She said they were all drunk that night that they got it on. Howard interrupted the story to take a phone call. A guy said these stories were unbelievable. He said this was the best he'd ever heard. Another guy said he was banging his head on his dashboard while hearing this. He asked what the web site was for the magazine so she gave it out... MystiqueMagazine.com . Howard checked out some of the pictures and said she looked really hot in them. Howard said he was pitching a major tent in his pants with her there. He quickly got back to the story she was telling. She talked about it a little more and Robin wondered if she ever goes home at night without anything cool like that happening. Dianna said that the five girls all went back to this guy's apartment but the guy didn't know what was going on because he was in another room with a bunch of people. Dianna said that all of the girls got it on and didn't even take their shoes off. Howard said she'd make the perfect girlfriend because she brings girls home. Howard asked her if she does anal and stuff like that. She said she can't go there though.
Dianna said someone walked in on the girls that night and he freaked out. The guy wasn't allowed to join in, he was able to watch them though. Howard asked Dianna if she's ever encountered a woman with vaginosis. She said that has happened before but she just tells the girl that she's no interested and moves on.
Gary came in and asked Dianna if she'd be willing to get naked today. She said she gets between $850 and $5000 from Mystique Magazine. Gary said he could give her $1500 today. She said she couldn't do it though. Howard asked her to just get in a bikini. She said she didn't bring one with her but Howard said they have their own. Gary didn't understand what the difference is between going to the beach and doing it right there. She said they're not at the beach, that's the difference. Stuttering John came in and said he was just staring at her body completely naked on the web so he didn't know why she wouldn't get naked. She still refused to do anything so Howard said she must have something to hide. Stuttering John said they must have had a lot of air brushing done for the web pictures. Gary said he could give her $850 to get into a bikini. She started thinking about it at that point.
Howard took some phone calls for her while she was thinking. One guy said there were some anal pictures of her out there but she denied that. Ralph also called in and asked her some questions about the five girls being together. He soon hung up after saying that he had to go finish himself off.
Gary got back to the bikini thing. Dianna reminded them that they paid the last Mystique girl that was on the show. Howard read that she once gave oral to a guy while she was wearing her Catholic School girl outfit when she was 16 years old. She said the guy was much older than her too. She also talked about how she did one of her professors in college. She said she was the one who made the move on the guy. Howard wanted every detail about that incident. She said she was in a hot outfit and just started making out with him. The guy wasn't married at the time. She said about a week later she called him and hooked up with him. She had to keep it secret because he could have gotten in big trouble at the time. She only did him one time though. She said it was very awkward to go to class after that.
A listener called in and asked if she'd be willing to go home with Howard and have a threesome with him and Beth. She said she would if she didn't have a boyfriend. Howard said he'd rather not have Beth with another girl because he'd get jealous.
Howard told Dianna that she's one hot chick and got Mike Walker on the phone. Robin asked him what his ''monkey'' was doing while he listened in on it. Mike ended up asking Dianna if she'd get naked for the chance to get her picture in the National Enquirer which is seen by 22 million people. Mike said the picture wouldn't be nude, of course, but it would be in his column. He said he has control over what goes in his column so he can offer this to her. He said the picture would have to be approved by them but they can work something out. She said she'd do it for the bikini thing but Mike said the offer was only for her if she got naked. She said she can't do that though. Mike and Stuttering John tried to convince her but it wasn't working. Gary also tried but he'd forgotten her name. He said if she did this, he'd remember her name next week because she'd be in the Enquirer. The guys gave up on begging and were going to move onto the Gossip Game. Then Chaunce Hayden from Steppin' Out magazine called in and said he'd bump Vin Diesel from the cover of that magazine to put a picture of her on there if she got into a bikini. She said she'd do the bikini but she really wanted the National Enquirer. She then said she wanted the cover and the $850 they offered her. Chaunce said he'd pay the $850 if Howard wouldn't. Howard had Dianna change in the bathroom while they started the Gossip Game.
Howard started the game while Dianna got into the bikini. Mike quickly got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard asked Brantley what movies he likes for this weekend. He said he had fun seeing ''The Phone Booth.'' He gave Howard a description of the movie and talked about it for a short time.
Howard asked Brantley why he didn't say hello to him when he was at the Clive Davis party before the Academy Awards. Brantley said he was over feeling up Melissa Etheridge's girlfriend's chest. He said he could not take his eyes off of them. When he told Melissa that he couldn't take his eyes off of them, the girlfriend came over and said he could feel them to see that they were real. Howard said gay guys get to do that stuff all the time. Brantley told Howard some other stuff that he's done similar to that and Howard said that just doesn't happen to regular guys.
Howard said Melissa and her girlfriend were checking out his girlfriend and said she was cute. Howard thought that was kind of cool. Howard and Brantley ended up talking about lesbians and stuff like that for a minute. Howard wrapped it up when he wondered what the hell he was talking about. He said that Brantley's column ''Idle Chatter'' appears monthly in Premiere magazine.
Howard said they really don't hang out with any gay guys these days. They used to hang with Gay Rich but that was years ago. Howard brought up Fred's bachelor party where Gay Rich was sitting on Fred's lap.
Captain Janks called in and said that FOX news is running something in their news scrolls that says ''We check our sources.'' That led to Howard replaying Janks' latest prank call to MSNBC who don't check their sources. Howard had Janks reenact his static filled phone call. Janks puts on a transistor radio between stations to make the static. Janks said he was calling in from Howard Stern Airport. Howard thought that was pretty funny. He got off the phone a short time later.
Crazy Cabbie called in to talk about his new web site SupportOurWar.com where he sells t-shirts and stuff. Howard said he thinks that he shouldn't be doing all of this stuff with web sites because it seems like he's trying to exploit the war. Cabbie also mentioned how Tom Chiusano doesn't want him doing this stuff for other reasons. Cabbie said he's sending most of the money from the site to the families of the soldiers who are dying over in Iraq. Howard wanted to know how much of the money is actually going to them. Cabbie said the t-shirts cost $5 each to produce and they sell them for $13 each. Howard said each one has an $8 profit. Cabbie wasn't saying exactly how much he's making off the shirts. Ralph called in and said the whole web site is just bad. The t-shirts are bad the whole site looks bad according to him. Ralph said if his heart was in the right place he wouldn't make a dime off the site. Cabbie said most of the money goes to either the families or shipping and handling. He said he has to make a little money to pay his webmaster.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that they can't solicit money without a license. Cabbie said that he spoke to someone at the Pentagon and they said he doesn't have to have that to do what he's doing. Dominic said if he makes one single penny on that, he's breaking the law. Howard said Cabbie always does stuff like that and gets himself into trouble. Cabbie said he spoke to someone in public relations at the Pentagon and they told him it was okay to do what he's doing. Howard told him he really has to research this stuff before he goes through with it. Cabbie said he spoke to government officials so he did research it.
Howard told Cabbie that it took him a month and a half to set up the charity he had set up for the victims of 9/11. He said it cost a ton of money to set up and they couldn't take that out of the donations. He said it cost them about $100,000 to do all of that. Howard and Robin said that Cabbie just can't do what he's doing. They said that no one really knows what he's going to do with that money because he's not legally allowed to do what he's doing. Howard asked Cabbie to break down the $8 profit he was going to make and where it was going. All Cabbie said was ''I don't know!'' Howard told Cabbie to take down the web site but he said he wasn't going to do that. He said everything was getting convoluted and they weren't helping things out. Cabbie decided to say that he was going to take all of the money and make a private donation later. Howard told him if he doesn't do that, he's going to end up in jail. Cabbie said he's going by what the guy at the Pentagon told him. Dominic was still on the phone asking questions about this Pentagon thing. Cabbie said he's gotten e-mails and stuff from them and threatened to carve Dominic up like a deer. Cabbie also yelled that he fought for this country. Dominic said they love him for that but they don't want him to do stuff that's going to get him in trouble. Dominic told him that a lot of people got in trouble after 9/11 for fraudulent stuff. Cabbie said this isn't fraud though.
Howard told Cabbie about his charity experiences and continued to try and convince him to do things the legal way. Dominic told him that he'd hook him up with a guy who could set things up the right way. Howard said Cabbie wouldn't last a second on the stand in court. Fred and Cabbie did their impressions of Cabbie and goofed on him a little bit.
A listener called in and said the Pentagon would never allow such a thing without going though their legal department. Cabbie said he'd forward his e-mails from the Pentagon to him later on so he could check them out himself. Howard took a break after that.