Howard also said he can't believe that ''Rush Hour 2'' made over $60 million in the theaters this weekend while ''Planet of the Apes'' dropped off to a measly $28 million in its second weekend.
Howard was having problems with his microphone first thing this morning. Scott the Engineer had to come in and screw around with it for a couple of minutes. It actually started on Friday but they never fixed it so it was still screwed up this morning.
Howard says he's thinking of trying one of his sponsor's products to lose the small amount of fat on his stomach. He's been looking in to this Zenadrine diet supplement and it looks like it might work. He had some kind of brochure from the company that showed other celebrities who used it and they look lean and fit.
Howard continued his rant on Jackie Chan and the movie ''Rush Hour 2.'' He just finds it hard to believe that Chan can be a star when he can barely speak English. Howard said he shouldn't be anything more than a stunt man. Howard went as far as to say that Jackie Chan should be thrown out of the country. Howard said the whole thing makes him nuts.
Robin brought up this guy Sumner Redstone who owns the company they work for. Redstone has come out with a book and both Robin and Howard don't think its a real book by any means. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that subject before Stuttering John came in to talk about his salary negotiations with Tom Chiusano. This all led to everyone talking about everyone in the company who has a position of power and how Howard always ends up going back to Mel Karmazin to get things done. He said he goes through everyone else and they'll all turn down ideas he has until he has to go to Mel to get things done. Howard said that Mel is like Dracula and all of his workers are like his legions of vampires. Howard did a whole bit around that doing a Dracula voice for a few minutes directing his vampires what to do for the radio station.
Howard said he did end up going to play cards on Friday night even after complaining about the way everyone on the show plays Poker on Friday's show. Howard said he first went out to dinner with his girlfriend to some restaurant where he had to get dressed up. Then he headed over to Doug Goodstein's place and he said that it's a really nice place that his in-laws set him up with. Howard said he decided to play poker because the guys decided not to play the other goofy games that Howard complained about last week. He said that Stuttering John, Ronnie the limo driver, Doug Goodstein, Craig Gass, Mike Gange and Scott DePace were all playing. Howard was kind of pissed that Craig had never played so he was learning that night. Howard said he ended up yelling at people because they didn't know how to play. Howard said ''It was like poker with Gary the Retard'' the whole night. Stuttering John was high the whole night so he barely knew what was going on. Craig Gass was also out of it because he had no clue about the game. Howard said it was like taking money from a baby with Craig playing. Howard left around 11:30 because he was so annoyed with everyone.
After Howard left John said they ended up playing all of the lame card games that Howard complained about.
Gary pointed out that she has ''crazy eyes'' and Howard said she was making all kinds of weird, mental-patient looking faces the whole time she was in there. Poor Jonathan had to listen to her insult him. Howard eventually kicked Melissa out of the studio because she backed out of everything she agreed to. Howard even suggested that the two of them just go out on a date and just get drunk together. She refused to even do that so he kicked her out. She apparently went out in the hall and started crying so Howard had to bring her back in to find out what the hell was going on. Jonathan, on the other hand, was wondering how come the woman thought that he'd insulted her during the interview. She'd said that he insulted her but all he said was that she was good looking.
Gary came in and said that Melissa thought Jonathan looked like a ventriloquist's dummy and it just totally freaked her out. Howard had Jonathan hide in the back with Fred and Benjy while he tried to talk to Melissa. She was all upset and freaked out by Jonathan's look so she just kept repeating ''Oh my God, oh my God'' over and over again. She said she could never be drunk enough to sleep with him.
Howard got rid of Melissa because she was so freaked out and then tried to tell Jonathan she was just a bad example of a listener willing to help out. Howard said that she may have been a little too hot to start off with. They need to start with someone a little chubbier than her. They're going to keep trying for Jonathan and they were already getting more calls from women... well, one woman anyway. A 39 year old woman called in and said she was willing to meet the guy next week so we'll be hearing more about Jonathan in the near future.
Howard played a quick clip of Gary and Sal the Stockbroker going after each other's teeth at the Yankee game on Friday night. Gary got stuck going to the game with Sal and a bunch of other listeners and Sal goofed on him the whole night.
Howard brought up the fact that Madonna canceled a show in New Jersey over the weekend. Howard said she doesn't know how to use her voice correctly and apparently cancels shows fairly often.
Howard hung out with Mark Wahlberg one night this weekend. Howard said Mark called him to hang out but Mark later told him that the movie company told him that Howard wanted to hang with him so that's why he called. It was probably all a publicity thing but Howard said Mark's a nice guy. One woman called in and said that she saw Howard and his girlfriend at the Nobu restaurant and that she was a very attractive woman.
Howard said yesterday he made the mistake of watching a movie on HBO called ''I Dream of Africa.'' He said that the movie actually turned out to be a good movie but he ended up crying during it. He said Kim Basinger came off as a great actress in the movie and he actually stuck through the whole thing. He was complaining about how he hates Sunday's because he knows he has to go back to work the next day so he was already bummed out. Then he watched that movie and got even more depressed. Robin told him he was nuts and the movie was horrible. She also complained about a reality TV show on PBS called ''American High'' that's just horrible. Gary told her he likes that show and enjoys it. They were all over the place during this segment. Howard killed some more time by taking a bunch of phone calls from listeners who didn't have all that much to say.
Howard had Bobby Badfingers perform his first snapping display to the song Wipe Out. Bobby did an amazing snap drum solo that was pretty impressive. Howard told Bobby that he had one of those useless talents that will get him nowhere in life. Howard said it's amazing but useless. Bobby went on to demonstrate his talent doing various solos for everyone.
Bobby told Howard he can't disclose how much he gets paid but he's trying to get to the Snapple juice drink people to get some kind of commercial job going. He also said he's trying to get a sponsor for the Guinness book of World Records so he can be known as the fastest snapper.
Howard challenged Bobby to snap to a bunch of songs and stuff including the Lone Ranger theme song and Dueling Banjos. The guy was pretty amazing and Howard told him that the next time he and The Losers challenge another band to a Battle of the Bands they'll have to have him as the ''drummer.'' Howard told the guy his talent was stupid but he's really good and talented at it. Robin found no entertainment in it whatsoever. Gary said he was thoroughly entertained for the 5 minutes the guy was in there. Howard felt the same way as Gary. You can find out more about Bobby at his web site Badfingers.com
Howard reminded everyone that tonight on E! you can see Gary Busey dry humping Robin during a commercial break. It all happened last week on the show and they've rushed it to air tonight.
Howard was talking about this guy who was attacked by a shark down in the Bahamas and how bad he feels for the guy. Then he says he really feels bad for himself because his air conditioning hasn't been working in his bedroom lately. He said last night it was 80 degrees in his bedroom. He's got guys coming out to fix it today.
Howard spoke to Doug Stanhope for a few minutes about what he's been doing. Doug said he's been writing for NBC's ''Spy TV'' so he shared a few of his experiences there. In one episode they had a fake patient with blood spurting out of him and they called in delivery guys to freak them out. One guy jumped out a second story window and got all cut up. He turned out to be an illegal alien so they were able to use the footage on the show. Doug said he doesn't get any credit for the stuff he writes but he does get to appear on the show.
This 14 year old kid Ray called in the other day and asked Howard for a Playstation 2. Howard told the kid that if he sent over a picture of his mother wearing a bikini he'd give him the money to get the PS2. The kid was able to send the picture and prove it was his mother so Howard gave him the prize. Howard said the mother is a ''total MILF'' (Mother I'd Like to F---). Gary gave the kid $500 worth of buy.com gift certificates so he can buy his PS2... and a few games.
Howard ended up talking about parents and how as a child he fantasized that his parents would eventually divorce so he could have a different kind of life. He said he wished that his father would disappear so he wouldn't yell at him. Howard says he now sees how good his parent's marriage is and he has a different view of them now. Howard said it was just a dream and everyone should have dreams.
Speaking of busts, Jessica Hahn called in to talk about how much fun Playmates like to have. She heard this woman's story and told Howard that when she's gone to the Playboy mansion she's seen how the Playmates just love to have fun for one night and move on. Jessica also told Howard that she slept with Hugh Hefner when she hung out at the mansion about 10 years ago. She told Howard how Hef comforted her and how nice his skin was. She also said he was very good in bed.
He quickly went through that story and then on to the WonderBra.com fashion show that's happening tomorrow on the web. He said that all of the guys in the audience would want to know about that breast fest. Howard also talked about how great New York City is when it gets really hot out because there are so many hot chicks walking around with just about nothing on.
Howard saw a picture of Pat Benetar's daughter who is trying to get into the record industry. He said she's a Britany Spears-type who looks amazing standing next to her mother who was really hot when she was younger.
Howard said that one of their interns got sunburned over the weekend and General Manager Tom Chiusano, who went through a about with cancer, lectured the girl about the use of sun block. Howard had Tom and the intern come in to talk about the lecture. Tom felt it was a good idea to tell her about his cancer problem and how using sun block is a must. Howard goofed on Tom for a couple of minutes about the lecturing and wondered why he feels it's his job to do it. Tom said he wants the intern to live a long life and that's why he gave her the 4 minute long lecture.
Surprisingly Jonathan said that he'd have to get back to this woman tonight or later this week because he had to get back to work. Howard told him to call in and let his boss know what he's got going on and just get it done already. He said he'd give it a try but he doesn't want to piss off his boss. Howard gave the guy a plug just so he'd be a little more forgiving. You can check out AutoBrake.com to support Jonathan's job.
Howard let Ashley's fiance Dylan come in to talk to him for a couple of minutes. He doesn't have a problem with her letting this guy screw his woman. Ashley said she doesn't need any emotional attachment to Jonathan to screw him. She's just doing it to make him feel good for a day. Howard questioned Ashley about her fiance and found out she doesn't know all that much about him. She wasn't sure of what his age was or what he does for a job but she's known him for 5 years. She said she knows his job but not exactly what he does. She was off by a year on his age too. Dylan said she initially lied to him about her age. She was only 16 when they met but she said she was 19. Now they're ready to get married but he's going to let her screw a guy to get it out of her system. We'll be hearing more about this story as soon as Jonathan gets the job done. He let everyone know that he has a very small penis too. He said he's actually kind of small for his size... which is only 4'11''.
After a commercial break Howard said he thinks that Ashley looked like Reese Witherspoon or Alicia Silverstone. Somewhere in that range.
Howard killed some time taking phone calls from people. One woman said that Howard should get back together with his wife to improve his show. But then the woman said she loves the show and listens to him every day. Howard said people have been telling him that he's ''lost it'' for his whole career and he just keeps on going. He didn't understand why the woman would make a suggestion like that if she's still listening. Howard told her that maybe she should just stop listening if she thinks he's not as funny as he used to be.
Another woman called in and brought up Howard's clones which led to Howard talking about how his own company has diluted his show by putting on tons of imitators. He said that he lost some of his ratings after his own company started doing that. This all led in the same direction as it usually does. Howard said he didn't even want to continue talking about his clones because he's so sickened by the whole thing and then someone called in and told him that Andre had hit the delay button on him earlier in the show when Jessica Hahn had called in. Howard freaked out about how he's censored by Andre and Tom Chiusano and he threw a short temper tantrum before moving on to let Robin do her newscast for the day.
Howard came back and spoke to Robin about how the FOX news channel has him so into the whole Gary Condit thing. He said they sit around on that channel arguing and fighting about Gary Condit and he loves it. He said they have people yelling at each other about the Condit situation and nothing has even happened yet.
Howard and the crew also discussed this Mayor of Waterbury, Connecticut who was charged with allegedly trying to hook up with a couple of 8 and 11 year old girls. They discussed that for a few minutes and tried to figure out how someone in the public eye could go after young kids.
The other day Howard read an article in Page Six that said Corey Feldman was fighting to keep his sobriety. Robin said that didn't quite sound right and it sounded more like Corey Haim that might have the problem. She turned out to be right and the newspaper printed a retraction. Corey Feldman called in this morning to talk about it. Corey said that he heard that Howard was actually the one saying that he was back on drugs and alcohol but Robin explained to him what actually happened and he was alright with it. Howard let a couple of callers goof around with Corey saying they'd just smoked crack with him the other day and stuff like that. Reporter Chaunce Hayden also called in and asked Corey if he was hanging out at Tommy Lee's house recently. Corey wanted Howard to hang up on Chaunce but Howard let Chaunce continue his questioning. Chaunce said he heard from a porn star that Corey was drunk out of his mind at Tommy Lee's house. They apparently had to remove him from the party because he got so drunk. Corey claims that he's been sober for 10 years and he wasn't at Tommy Lee's house drunk. Howard kept Corey on the phone for a little while and let some other callers goof around with him before reminding everyone that the rumors of him falling off the wagon were false.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who saw the Gary Busey E! show last night. He said he was really funny and Howard did a good job of holding Gary back as he tried to go after Robin. The caller thought it was funny the way Robin just laughed hysterically as Busey dry humped her on the studio floor.
Howard read a letter from a gay listener who asked Howard if he were to be cloned, would his clone be gay? Howard said that he thinks people are not born gay, they learn that way of life. He doesn't think it's a genetic thing. Howard wants someone to clone a gay guy to find out what would happen. Robin brought up some study where they compared the lives of separated twins and they've found that they sometimes have very similar experiences so it's possible that a gay guy's clone would turn out to be gay.
Howard had a bunch of phony birthday wishes from ''celebrities'' for Robin that he played also. There were messages from Wood Yi, Robert Blake, Jackie Chan, Mariah Carey, Sumner Redstone, Gary Condit, Bill Clinton and Jenny Bush.
Later in the show Howard said that Robin got a gift from Chef Bobby who prepares Howard's food each day. Chef Bobby send down some milk chocolate covered cherries and some caramel that looked really good to Howard. He said he could have eaten it right then but he held back and saved it for Robin.
Howard brought in Ashley's fiance Dylan who is fine with all of this stuff. Dylan said he was hanging out on the balcony of the hotel room while his 21 year old fiance was letting Jonathan screw her. He said after Jonathan was done he came out on the balcony but stayed on the other end. Dylan said that he had to tell Jonathan he wasn't mad at him and it was okay to come down and hang out with him. Howard asked Dylan if he's from another planet or something because of the way he's treating the whole situation.
Jonathan got to plug his place of work before Howard finally wrapped up the segment. He works at Automotive Brake in Newburg and you can visit their web site at AutoBrake.com
During the same segment Howard said he saw some pictures of Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson out at some bar and it was really bothering him that he had to see the two of them together. Howard said you can see Pam's nipple in one picture... just head over to KidRockOnline.com/pam_pics.htm for a peek. Howard said there are some things that should remain private and the two of them making out is one of them. He sounds very jealous.
Howard got back on the subject of the whole Gary Busey thing after a caller mentioned last night's E! show. The whole crew discussed how the situation could have been handled better. Howard complained that no one came into the studio when they knew that Busey was putting his cigar up to Howard's neck threatening to burn him. Then Busey grabbed Robin, threw her to the floor and dry humped her and still, no one came in to help out. Howard ended up putting Busey in a head lock trying to hold him back while Robin ran off to hide. Howard wondered why Ronnie the Security/limo driver didn't come right in and why KC didn't help out. KC said he thought Busey was just kidding around. It was obvious after watching the tape they showed last night that Busey wasn't really kidding around. He had gone nuts and attacked people in the studio. Howard told his crew it's okay to come in and throw guests out when they start acting that strange.
Howard was on a roll when he got another call from a 19 year old Chinese guy who said that his mother used to give him oral as a reward for doing good things in school and stuff like that. He said he was living in China when it all happened and it didn't seem all that strange to him until he moved to the United States. He made the mistake of telling a friend about what his mother did to him and he was ridiculed for it. He said he was about 13 when he moved here and that's when he finally put a stop to his mother performing on him. He explained how his mother would perform a whole ritual on him. She'd clean him up and towel him down before performing the act. Then she'd let him complete the act in her mouth before spitting it out. Howard later said he could have spoken to this guy for hours about the whole thing. He had to go to break though so he had to end the fun. The Chinese guy said he wanted one of these Blackberry Wireless e-mail things so Gary gave him the last one they had as a prize courtesy of Earthlink.net. Gary also tried to give the other guy a prize but none of the things he offered were good enough for him so they gave up on trying.
There's this intern Steve on the show who is willing to do anything to meet Tara Reid when she came in later in the morning. He said he'd be willing to lick the bottom of her shoes just to meet her. Howard told the guy that she'll just be disgusted by him if he does something like that and tried to explain to him that he'll never be able to get an actress like that. Howard told him that if Steve lets KC ''golden shower'' his hand then he'll let him meet Tara. KC said he wasn't sure he could do that to the guy though. Howard said they'd do it later in the show.
Howard saw that someone from the NY Post got pictures of Mariah Carey in her pajamas just a day after she got out of the hospital. Howard is disgusted by these guys who sneak around taking pictures like that. He thinks it's very unfair to celebrities like that who are having problems and trying to stay out of the public eye for a while.
A listener brought up the Gary Busey E! show from the other day and the guy was impressed with the way Howard handled Busey by putting him in a head lock. Baba Booey came in and said that Howard has changed over the years and has gotten more confident with his strength. In the past he would have run off like a little girl if something like that had happened. Howard said he knows he would still get beat up by someone who put up a real fight though. He still knows he's a big pussy about stuff like that and he's willing to admit it.
Howard moved on to talk to Alyson Hannigan for a couple of minutes about her character on ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' and whether or not she's a lesbian in real life. Alyson said she's straight and the other lesbian on the show is also straight in real life.
Howard then spoke to Natasha Lyonne for a few short minutes. He wasn't even sure if he'd seen her in the first ''American Pie.'' Natasha jokingly said she's not even sure if she's in either one. Natasha also claims that she was offered the part of Buffy in ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' when she was 16 years old but Alyson said that a lot of people claim the same thing. Natasha was also bitching and complaining about boyfriends she's had and how they ran off with other women. That was pretty interesting.
Earlier in the show Steve the Intern said he'd be willing to do anything to meet Tara Reid. Howard made him get his hand peed on by KC and he actually did it. Steve came in and read a really bizarre poem he'd written for Tara which sounded like it was a comedy bit instead of a serious poem. Howard got to watch KC pissing on Steve's hand because the E! guys actually got it on tape. They all laughed hysterically as they watched that on the monitor. Howard only spent about a half hour or so with the girls before wrapping up the interview.
Darrell said he got the job on the show after sending in a tape of his stand-up act where he did just one line as Bill Clinton. Lorne Michaels called him in to show off his talent and he did a bunch of Phil Donohue bits in different languages. He demonstrated that for Howard and it was really funny.
Darrell also told Howard how he got to hang out with the real President Clinton when Clinton invited him over to write a bit that the two of them could do together for the press. He said Clinton likes to invade your personal space and touch you a lot and he gets away with it. He shared a few of the behind-the-scenes stories he had about Clinton.
Darrell did some of his other impressions for Howard including Jay Leno, Regis Philbin, Jesse Jackson and Barney Fife.
Howard changed subjects and asked Darrell about how he figured out that he was abused as a young child. Darrell said he repressed the thoughts as he grew up but after he had his own child he started to remember stuff that ended up breaking him apart from his parents. He said he didn't want his baby to see someone telling his wife to shut up and he told his parents that and it all started to come out that he was abused. He's now in therapy 2 days a week to straighten himself out. He didn't want to say too much about the type of abuse he suffered as a child. He did say that he's in therapy for abuse that could be considered criminal. He also said that his parents told him that if he or his sister saw people in their rooms at night, they were ghosts. He said his sister would scream at night saying that there were ghosts in her room and to this day she still believes they were ghosts. Darrell knows better than that and has tried talking to his sister but she's sticking to her story. He said he's having a nice life now but he just doesn't have any family to share it with. Howard thought it was pretty sad but Darrell said it really wasn't because he has a beautiful baby and a great job.
Howard ended the segment after about a half hour and said that Darrell will be appearing at Carolines Comedy Club in New York today through Sunday. Visit Carolines.com for more info.
Bebe, a former model, wrote her book about the many rock stars and celebrities she's been with in her lifetime. Bebe came in and told Howard she's not still into that lifestyle. She said he found a nice guy that she's in love with now and she's living the safe life.
Bebe told Howard a lot about how she was in a relationship with Todd Rundgren before she met and got pregnant by Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. She said that Todd had cheated on her so they took a break from each other for a while and she hooked up with Steven. That's when she got pregnant with her daughter Liv. Todd ended up raising Steven's child and they didn't tell Liv until she was 14 years old that Steven was her biological father. Howard thought it was nice of Todd to raise someone else's child as his own and pay for a lot of her stuff. Bebe said the whole family gets along now and it's all good.
Howard ripped through as many of the rock stars as he could in the short amount of time he had with Bebe. She's slept with rock stars and celebrities like Jimmy Page, Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Elvis Costello, Jack Nicholson and others. Howard asked her about each one and tried to find out what kind of lover they were. She really didn't have a bad word to say about any of them. She would try to answer Howard's questions about their penis size and whether or not they were circumcised as much as she could. She said she never did any kinky stuff and none of them performed anal sex with her. Howard sounded surprised that none of them had tried to get anal from her.
Howard told Bebe that her greatest accomplishment out of all of this was her daughter Liv. He's met her and he says she's a very nice person. Howard started to wrap up the interview but Bebe said she really wants to come back on the show sometime when Beetlejuice, Gary the Retard and High Pitch Erik are on the show. She says she loves all of those guys when they're on. Howard asked her if she'd sleep with High Pitch Erik if he were in a band and she just said ''Oh god, no!'' She said that when she saw Erik's gums bleeding on one show she was wiping her TV screen with a napkin trying to clean him up. She also told Howard a little bit about how she was friends with Joey Ramone and she spoke to him shortly before he died. She has a picture of them together from back in December that she's put on her Buddha shrine which she prays to every day. She said she gives Joey fresh flowers each day also.
Bebe will be signing books at a Barnes and Nobel book store tonight at 7:30 in New York City.