Gary was also talking about this cool new airline that he flew on called Jet Blue. He said that there's a TV set in the seat in front of you and you can watch satellite TV. He said that was great because he was able to catch up on news and sports info. Howard said he could stay on a flight 24 hours a day if he had TV to watch like that. Gary told him all of the details about how to work the TV and it all sounded great.
Gary said he'd never heard of Jet Blue until he flew it on Saturday. He said they clean up the plane before they land so everyone spends time cleaning up shortly before landing. Gary thinks that they don't clean it after landing so it's all done in the air. A couple of callers told Howard how great the airline is and how cheap it is to fly. One guy said he flew from Ontario, California to JFK airport and it was only $200 round trip... and he was treated really well.
Howard replayed tape of two guys from the local FOX TV station here in the New York area verbally fighting with each other live on the air. He played it a couple of times last week and enjoyed it again this morning. He also played quick clip of KC's answering machine but it was just KC trying to be wacky and it wasn't all that funny.
Howard said his 8 year old has been going to summer camp so he went to visit her there. He thinks it's weird to send the kids off to camp and Howard thinks it's a ''Jewish thing''. Gary said they had a conversation in the office last week about that subject. It seems to be something Jews just seem to do for some reason. Howard said he was sent to camp and he became a totally different kid when he was there. Now that he thinks about it he says that it really did help him in life just because he was able to get away from home. Howard went on to say that you shouldn't bug the kids while they're away because they get home sick after you visit them and leave. If you just leave them alone they're fine.
Howard said he went to see Stuttering John's wife in the interactive play ''Tony and Tina's Wedding''. Howard has had many experiences going to plays where they pull him out of the crowd to do stuff. He hates that so he didn't want to do that at ''Tony and Tina's...'' Howard said he told John's wife Suzanna to tell ''all of the freaks'' to leave him alone during the play. They did leave him alone. Then he realized that it would have been more fun to interact because they play act in front of you and make conversation. Howard and his friends ended up missing out on the fun of the play.
Howard also thought that Suzanna was supposed to be the lead role in the play. She just played a stripper who has no lines. You just get to see her bra for a second and the stripping wasn't any good. Howard said he went to see her act and she didn't do any of that. Robin also thought she had a big part in the play so she ended up sending her a big bouquet of flowers for no reason.
The subject of KC came up because he was out at the horse track betting on the horses for his birthday. Howard went into a whole discussion about that also. He said KC was losing every bet he placed but he was somehow able to guess which horse would actually win. Mike Gange was there to tape it all and he said KC was miserable the whole time.
Mike Gange was also discussed today. He has been missing out on chances to get laid because he's such a loser. Howard heard from people that he's fallen in love with a couple of women lately but he just ends up in bed with them and he doesn't do anything. One of the women works with him and he was afraid that he'd get into a whole thing that would have been too uncomfortable for him. He didn't want to bang someone who he works with. Howard doesn't get that whole thing and said he should have taken his best shot. Gange also fell in love with this Maggie the Burping Queen who he was shooting video footage for. Howard had her come in real quick so he could check her out. She said Gange's not her type though so Gange has no chance... Stuttering John said that's not really true. He thinks you can get any chick if he spends enough time on it. John said that he was able to do that with a woman he used to work with. He said it took him a year but he was able to eventually bang her even after she asked their boss to tell John to leave her alone.
Maggie demonstrated her burping abilities for a few minutes and she did pretty good but she had to drink soda to get the gas down. She said she can usually do it without drinking anything but she was nervous today.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Maggie about her marriage and how she keeps it fresh. She wasn't sharing much about that stuff. She just kept up the burping, letting out some juicy, nasty burps. Howard wrapped it up shortly after he began the interview though. He almost brought her back after a break but he must have lost interest. Later in the show Howard said that Maggie left the studio and her friend told her she was nuts not to have taken her top off for the money she was offered. She then decided she wanted to do it but Howard refused to let her come back in. You have to take advantage of this stuff while you can.
The movie ''America's Sweethearts'' also came up and the guy who does the Billy Crystal impersonation called in to goof around with that whole ''It's not fun, it's not funny'' thing they've been doing for a while now. Robin said she actually watched the real Billy Crystal on ''Late Show with David Letterman'' last week and she couldn't stop watching. She said he was actually very entertaining.
Gary shared a story about how he accidentally got sidetracked onto a kiddie porn site and how quickly he got off of the site because he knows how the authorities will go after people who visit these sites. He said it was pictures of young, 12-13 year old boys with their shirts off. He said he's not sure if that's considered ''kiddie porn'' but he wasn't going to stay on the site to find out.
Howard played a bunch of tapes that he had laying around including some tape from MTV's TRL where the Backstreet Boys talk about how one of them has gone into rehab for his alcoholism.
Howard also had tape of O.J. Simpson calling in to Fox News about his case after hearing some people discussing him on the channel. Howard says he loves to listen to O.J. Talk because he's always making excuses and stories that make no sense. He also talks about his case like he's a lawyer himself which makes it even more funny. O.J. got upset when the reporter brought up his kids and he refused to talk to people who called in and wanted to talk to him.
Howard ripped through a bunch of tabloid stories about various celebrities including Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. He said those two are actually turning out to be a very mature divorced couple. They take the kids out together and hang out so the whole family is together. He sounded impressed with their relationship.
Howard also brought up Danny Bonaduce who is apparently in rehab. Howard told the story about how Danny used to do the show and how he told everyone he was going to steal Howard's act and do it in markets where Howard wasn't broadcasting. Over time Bonaduce took on a real weird attitude and he started going off on Howard like all of the other imitators do. Howard said he ran into Danny one time and Danny apologized to him for being such a dick. Howard just wanted to get away from the guy though.
Howard also quickly talked about a whole bunch of other stories in the news. He mentioned Paul Harvey and how he's lost his voice but it turns out it's not cancer, it's just a virus or something. Beatle George Harrison has said that he knows he'll die soon and he's willing to accept that fact.
Howard mentioned the Backstreet Boys earlier and a 20 year old woman called in to complain that Howard ''trashed'' the guy who's in rehab. Howard said he did no such thing and ended up getting into a long discussion with the woman about what he should have done with the story. Howard told her she has no life and she should try to get one. Howard let a couple of callers yell at her about the whole thing but there was no way to win the arguments they were having.
Justin came in and told Howard his side of the story and at one point he used the term ''Blasé Bla'' and Howard had no idea what he was talking about. Justin said it means ''To make a long story short.'' Howard goofed around with the quote throughout the interview.
Justin told Howard how he was trying to make a friend with this chick he wanted to bang. They were drunk and messing around kissing one night when he pulled out a kitchen knife and asked the girl if she'd mind if he killed her. She took the knife, licked it and put it away. Justin says it was a sexual thing and she wasn't scared by it. A short time later the producers called him into the ''diary room'' and ended up kicking him out of the house because of the ''threat''. He also did some other stuff while he was in there so it wasn't his first problem. He pissed on one of the windows outside of the house and he got in this guy Kent's face about a pillow that had been ''borrowed'' so the producers got rid of the threat. Justin says he was just trying to have a good time and enjoy himself while he was there.
Howard was also told that Justin had a bunch of prior problems with the law. Justin says he had a suspended license and he was almost charged with a robbery one time but he was released because he didn't have anything to do with it. Then he said the producers of ''Big Brother'' reminded him of some arrests he had about 7 years ago but he says that he doesn't remember those for some reason. He thinks that he was either too drunk or stoned at the time to remember them. Howard figures he just ''forgot'' about those incidents so he could get on the show.
Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and, through his awful cell phone, said that the show would have been liable for any injuries the other contestants received if this guy Justin had gone nuts for some reason so they had to get rid of him.
Justin says that now he's just going to go back to Rutgers and get his masters in finance and go back to work. Howard took a few phone calls and one of the last ones was a guy who wanted to know what was up with Justin's ''snaggle tooth''. Howard asked him the about it and Justin said it's just the way he was born and he's not going to bother getting it fixed.
Howard said the wife in the marriage should treat her man like the King of the house. There were actually a couple of women who called in and said they do just that. Then there were a couple of women who think that Howard is out of his friggin' mind for even talking about this subject. One woman said it's like what men thought of marriage back in the 1950s. Howard said that's just the way it is and if women don't want to play the game, then don't get married.
AJ brought up Angelina Jolie when he was talking about movies he's seen this summer. He said he saw a clip of Angelina naked in some movie clip that someone sent him via e-mail. He wasn't sure what movie it came from though. He was clueless about the whole thing but he said she looked hot in it. Someone called in and said the clip was from the movie ''Gia'' but AJ said he thought she was a little chubbier in that movie than it looked like in the clip.
Crazy Cabbie came in to get some legal advice from Howard this morning. Howard said he looked different this morning because he's shaved and cut his hair. Anyway, Cabbie said he got a call from a woman he was dating not that long ago. He said they broke up and now she's telling him that she's carrying his baby He's wondering what to do. He said he met her at some concert and they went out for a short time. Now the woman is telling him that she doesn't want the baby so she wants to get an abortion. Cabbie's not sure he wants her to do that so he wants to know what to do. AJ told him that it might not even be Cabbie's baby so he shouldn't try to keep it. Howard also advised him to avoid becoming a father because he's so involved with himself that he doesn't know himself well enough. He's got ''tremendous demons'' of his own to deal with so he shouldn't even have a puppy never mind a baby. Howard told him to get a turtle or something like that as a pet. Cabbie thinks that he would make a good father because he's home all the time. He doesn't work more than 6 hours or so. Howard thinks it would be a huge mistake for him to do it though. A couple of phone callers goofed on Cabbie. One guy called in as the woman who's carrying the baby and said he doesn't want Cabbie's baby. Cabbie says he was adopted himself and says that he wouldn't want to do that to a kid. Cabbie said he's meeting with the woman tonight and he just wants to know what legal rights he has to keep this kid. Howard and Robin both said that he has no legal rights to the kid at all trying to get him to give up on the whole idea. Howard told Cabbie there's nothing worse than having a woman who doesn't want a child being forced to have it. AJ Benza told Cabbie he's dodged a bullet because this woman is actually willing to have the abortion so he should just let her do it and move on with her life.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that Cabbie has no right to the baby until it's born. Before then it's all up to the woman to have it or not. Howard said he'd even pay for the abortion himself if Cabbie's not willing to do it. Dominic said Howard's listeners would probably pay for it.
A psychologist called in and told Cabbie that if he has a kid to take care of he can't just go to a rehab center to get over it. He's stuck with that the rest of his life. Everyone seems to think he's just going through another one of his experimentation phases.
After a break Howard came back talking about seeing the Pope with President Bush. He was talking about how they had Bush hooked up with an ear piece so he could be told what the Pope was saying. Then Howard went on a tangent and imagined what the Pope was saying. He ended up back on the Cabbie thing and pretended that the Pope was telling Bush that there must be no abortions except for the ''Cabbie fetus'' which would be like letting the devil be born. It was a funny segment.
Howard replayed the song ''Because I Got High'' off of the ''Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back'' soundtrack album, that he played during yesterday's show.
Howard said it was up to Stuttering John to make the decision of whether or not to have AJ thrown out of the station today. John said he has to go because he doesn't want something like that happening again. Gary said he doesn't think he wants the chance of that happening again either.
Donald Trump called in and told John that he should sue AJ and even Howard's show because the show's got the money. Trump said that John could make millions off of the suit and he'd never have to work again. Trump said his stuff and quickly hung up. He has a problem with AJ to begin with so he would be happy to see John sue him.
It was suggested that John be allowed to return a slap to AJ to make things even but there were conditions on AJ's end that people didn't want to deal with. Everyone was going nuts with the whole thing. Howard wanted to put the video clip on the web, Tom wanted AJ to leave, AJ was bleeding from KC grabbing him and tossing him out of the studio... it was a mess.
Gary was one of the people who thought that AJ shouldn't be allowed back on the show. He thinks that AJ is a ''loose cannon'' and could go off at any time. He didn't think that before today but now he does. Tom was saying that AJ may be allowed to come back tomorrow but it should be discussed with him first.
After taking a break Howard said that he's going to try and get the video either up on the web or on E! as soon as possible. Howard went on to discuss what should all come out of this. He and Robin discussed whether or not AJ should be allowed back on the show. Howard wanted to leave it all up to John and whether or not he's comfortable being around the guy. John says he knows he'll smack AJ if he is around so it might be a bad idea to let him back on the show. The fact that John was ''pushing AJ's buttons'' after making the phony calls also came up. Howard wasn't defending AJ's actions but he did say that John was pushing a little too far when he goofed on AJ's hair and called him an ''arrogant jerk''. The whole thing drove AJ over the edge and he smacked John. That was wrong of AJ to do but it happened. Howard tried and tried again to discuss the whole thing with John but John wanted to argue about it for some reason. He didn't want the responsibility of kicking AJ off the show. Howard finally made a decision not to allow AJ to come back on the show. John then thought that he was then the ''bad guy'' in the whole thing but that's not the way Howard was looking at it. He was looking at it as making it safe for everyone else on the show. He also said it's a message to every guest that comes on the show. You can't hit someone who works there. Howard wrapped up the whole AJ thing with his own little eulogy. He said that AJ is a great guy and a great guest but he wronged a friend of his so he's off the show.
This whole thing went so long into the show that Howard had to put off a couple of guests including Johnny ''Mud'' Mudman and some guy who's going to cut off his feet with a guillotine on the web. Howard said they'll be back tomorrow during a huge show which includes guests Mark Wahlberg and Beetlejuice vs. Gary the Retard in ''Password''.
Howard also said that tomorrow he'll announce where we'll be able to view the video from the AJ/Stuttering John fight on the web. Stay tuned for that.
Howard played tape of the incident and then told us where we could see the video feed on the web. It was available at http://howardstern.edgesuite.net/. People were all checking it out and the connection seemed to stay up pretty well. The conversation continued for a while as Howard took calls to find out how the video looked.
Howard was talking about what a body this guy has and how every chick must want him. He also said he read about Mark making out with some Revlon model by the name of Rhea. Mark says he never met the woman but Howard said he saw pictures. Howard also brought up a story from when he last saw Mark out in Malibu, California. Howard was hanging out with Carmen Electra and a couple of her friends. When one of her friends saw Mark she told Howard she'd love to just ''do'' Mark one time just to feel him because he's got such a great body. Howard said he'd introduce the two of them but he never got around to it.
Howard tried to get some information out of Mark about the ''famous broads'' that he's banged but Mark was keeping quiet about that stuff. He did admit to ''dating'' a few famous chicks that Howard mentioned, like Reese Witherspoon and a couple of models, but he wasn't talking about his sexual experiences.
Howard asked him about what kinds of sex he might have had also. He asked about threesomes and stuff like that but Mark was still keeping quiet. Howard asked him if he's ever had a Blumpkin (oral sex while sitting on a toilet taking a dump) but Mark didn't know what it was so he's obviously never had that. He said he didn't think he'd ever want it either. Howard said he'd love to have that because he'd love to humiliate a woman.
Howard also questioned Mark about the rumor that Matt Damon was obsessed with him at one point in his life. Mark said he knew nothing about that. He said he knows Matt and as far as he knows, he was never obsessed with him.
Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls and wrapped up the interview with Mark. ''Planet of the Apes'' opens this Friday. Howard also mentioned that Mark will be on ''Late Show with David Letterman'' tonight.
There was a little bit of business to take care of before the game. Howard said that Gary has been staying with High Pitch Erik when he comes to town and he doesn't like it. He complained that Erik tells him what to do and he makes a lot of noise when he's trying to sleep. Gary says he doesn't ever want to stay with him again. Howard had Erik come in and talk about it. Erik says he has to help Gary cross the streets because he's almost gotten killed a couple of times. Gary says he can take care of himself though. He lives on his own in Oregon so he can cross the streets of New York on his own too. Howard also heard that Hank the Dwarf hates staying with Eric and he hates it so much he won't even come on the air to talk about it.
Howard brought Beetlejuice in and he had a complaint of his own but it wasn't about Erik. He was complaining that he didn't get paid by the movie studio for ''Scary Movie 2'' yet. A short time later his manager Sean came in and said they just got paid on Monday after having to make about 15 calls to finally get it.
Howard moved on to the ''Password'' game and he had 2 contestants playing for a trip to Nantuckett courtesy of Nantucket Nectars fruit drink. He had Carl and Anna who were paired up with Gary the Retard and Beetlejuice. Howard would give each contestant a word and they'd give their partner one word clues trying to get them to say the password. They had words like:
After AJ's call Howard took a break and came back to let Gary the Retard shave High Pitch Erik's head. Erik was willing to let him do that and Gary really had fun doing it. Gary came to life like no one's ever seen before. He was talking about the hair cut through the whole thing and it was like he'd become another person while he was cutting his hair. He was like ''Floyd the Retarded Barber'' according to Howard. Some people said it was like he was reliving his childhood or something by the way he was talking about the hair as he cut it. He was even doing a good job at it. He was holding Erik's ear the right way as he cut the hair and stuff like that. Howard thought it was looking good until someone pointed out how crooked the back of Erik's hair was in the back. Erik seemed to be happy with the whole thing though.
KC pointed out how huge Erik's belly has become. Erik claims that he weighs 299 pounds but Howard thinks he's broken the 300 pound mark by the way he looks. Everyone goofed on Eric's fat belly for a few minutes and asked him why he'd let himself get that way. Ralph, who was hanging out in the studio today, told Erik he's on TV and said that there's no way he should let him self look that way. Ralph pointed out that even Gary the Retard knows better than to let himself get that fat... and he's retarded! You can find out more info on these guys by using the links below:
Howard mentioned the video of AJ Benza punching Stuttering John that they have up on the web at http://HowardStern.EdgeSuite.net. He said he checked it out yesterday on a fast connection and it looked like crap because it was choppy. Then he tried a slower connection and it was fine. He said they're experimenting with the whole idea of putting up video from the show and it's still not where it should be. He said someday the web will be cool when you can use it to watch TV shows you actually want to watch. This led to Howard talking about how one of the cable news channels has become the Chandra Levy channel. He spent a few minutes talking about her and how much attention is being spent on her even though there are thousands and thousands of other missing people out there.
Howard got back to the whole web thing and pointed out that you'll eventually be able to download TV shows from web sites so you can make up your own TV channels but right now the web is still in its infancy.
A phone caller told a story about Robin refusing to record a message for him when he picked her up in a limo one time. She apparently told him she doesn't talk on microphone unless she's being paid. She denied it but everyone went on to talk about how people approach them all the time to talk to their friends and say things on video for them and when they just say something real quick the people get pissed off.
Howard did a recap of what's happened on the show this week because so much has been going on. He mentioned the AJ Benza / Stuttering John fight and played a clip of the fight and Gary tells AJ to ''Go home'' to calm down. Howard said his agent thought that Gary was using some new ''street lingo'' meaning ''to chill out'' or something like that. Howard had to explain to his agent that he was literally telling him to ''go home'' and it wasn't any new street lingo. Howard went on to play a clip of AJ from yesterday's show where he talked about the whole fight. In that clip you could hear Beetlejuice snoring as he slept through the whole phone call. Howard said he let AJ go on and on just so he could watch Beetlejuice sleeping on the couch. He said he was fascinated with that whole thing.
Howard replayed some tape of the Mark Wahlberg interview from yesterday. He said he's really looking forward to seeing the new ''Planet of the Apes'' movie that Mark is in. He also said that the humans in the movie should be naked and he's kind of upset about it. Howard was also pissed that Matt Drudge has given out the surprise ending to the movie. Howard said he doesn't think that any news source should be giving out info like that just so he can grab some headlines with other news agencies.
Howard replayed a quick clip from the Mark Wahlberg interview where he talks about Helena Bonham Carter looking kind of like Janet Jackson in her ''Planet of the Apes'' makeup. He also played tape of Gary the Retard talking about High Pitch Erik and how he hates staying with him when he comes to the city. Then he played Gary talking to High Pitch as he shaved his head. It was all very bizarre the first time and even more bizarre hearing the replay.
Howard had Artie tell a story about how he failed to graduate from high school. Artie said he failed History and Algebra so he had to go to summer school. At the time they started summer school the 40 or so guys that failed were offered a special graduation. Only Artie and his buddy signed up for it though. By the end of summer school they had passing grades so they had to hold this special graduation for them. It turned out to be just Artie, his friend and their two mothers. The principal had to come off of vacation to do the ceremony and Artie said the guy looked really pissed that he had to be there that day.
Artie also told Howard about his previous drug and gambling problems he had when he was on ''Mad TV'' making $8000 an episode. He was losing money left and right and using coke so much that he was up for days at a time. Artie said the producers of the show and his manager eventually did an intervention and he ended up taking off. He got pulled over by the cops but ended up running and getting caught later when he took a swing at a cop. He had coke on him and an open bottle of Jack Daniels in his car at the time. They took him to jail and cuffed him to a gang member who turned out to be the nicest guy even though he was charged with killing someone. Artie said he lucked out when a Mexican guy recognized him from ''Mad TV'' and told the guards that he was famous. That way he wouldn't be put in the general population of the jail. He was put in his own cell thanks to that kid. Three days in jail and four months of rehab is what it took to get Artie off of coke. A few weeks later he got a call from Norm Macdonald to do the movie ''Dirty Work'' and the rest is history.
Howard had a report that he read about Presidential I.Q. ratings. He quickly ran through the listing and here are some of them:
Howard read a bunch of quick faxes he got about the AJ Benza / Stuttering John fight. There were a lot of different opinions about the fight but many people are glad AJ is off the show now.
Howard was bitching about the fact that the cops out in the Hamptons want to track down Tara Reid to question her about the whole Lizzie Grubman running over people story even though there were 150 people at the party they were at. Howard knows they just want to get another famous person in the police station to interview even if she knows nothing about Lizzie.
Howard read an article written by a dermatologist who says that people who try to look as good as the celebrities they see in magazines, movies and TV shows are not being realistic. She claims that people like Elizabeth Hurley and Brad Pitt have bad acne scars on their faces just like normal people do. They just cover it all up with tons of makeup. The woman also claims that Pamela Anderson will some day look just as bad as Brigitte Bardot if she keeps up the sun tanning the way she does now. Gary said he sees Brigitte on TV today and can't understand how anyone could have found her to be any kind of sex symbol in the past.
All morning long Howard has been giving out a couple of definitions for terms he's been using on the show lately. He said he wants to put them on his web site someday but that ain't happening. Here are a couple of the terms he mentioned:
Howard tried to have retired New York City detective Don Calderone (Don Calderone is a retired NYPD detective who worked in the intelligence division. He tracked the Elliot Offen case for many years and was instrumental in reuniting Elliot's daughter with her mother. The daughter did not see her mother for 8 years because Elliot kidnapped her when she was three years old and took her from NYC to Miami.) tell some stories about Elliot but Elliot is such a loud obnoxious jerk that he wouldn't let the guy get a word in. Howard also had journalist Robert Rand (Robert Rand is an Emmy award investigative reporter at KCOP-TV in Los Angeles. He has just finished a book about the Menendez brothers murder case which he covered for the Miami Herald and Playboy.) who interviewed and wrote some stuff about Elliot years ago on the phone. That guy also tried to tell Howard some stories about Elliot and his daughter but, once again, Elliot would not shut up. He just keeps yelling, screaming and calling people names. Howard had to ditch the idea because of Elliot's behavior. Howard let this segment go on for about 20 minutes before he tried to wrap it up. We learned that Elliot goes to make-up counters at stores and demands to have make overs performed on him. He even showed Howard his awful looking 49 year old body more than he's shown in the past but he was so hyper, yelling and screaming that it was hard to figure out what was going on. He claims to be in top physical shape but everyone almost puked when they saw his flabby breasts and ass hanging out. Howard finally let Elliot plug all of the items he sells. You can get his manuscript by sending $10 to him at:
Elegant Elliot Offen
72-74 Austin St.
Forest Hills, NY 11375
He also said that he sells autographed pictures of himself for a small amount. I'm sure if you write to him you can find out exactly how much that will cost you.
Howard spent a few minutes asking her about her custodial job and if she's ever had anything weird happen during that job. She didn't have any good stories to tell though.
Howard also complained that Robin was talking during the movie but she said their agent Don asked her a question and she answered it. She said ''I wasn't talking, I just answered his question!'' That's talking Robin! She said that Howard was talking at the start of the movie too but he said he had to tell his assistant something so his day would run smoother.
Howard got on the subject of Paul McCartney for some reason and ended up talking about what a faithful guy he was with his wife Linda who wasn't that hot. He said that McCartney must have really seen the ''inner person'' with her and stuck with her for all of those years. Howard said he really admires that dude. And now he's with a one legged woman so that makes Howard admire him even more. Howard said he actually saw a picture of Paul and the one legged girlfriend walking on the beach. That got Artie Lange going and he started doing a pirates voice and goofed on the whole one legged thing.
Gary said that his new favorite guy is Gary Condit. After seeing all of this stuff in the news about the guy he's got to love the guy. He's got so many girlfriends and things going on his life it's making for great TV.
Howard got on the subject of Mariah Carey this morning because she's apparently gone into a hospital for exhaustion or something like that. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that Mariah has decided to stop her web site messages because of Howard's constant goofing in recent months. Howard read an article that said Mariah was rambling kind of incoherently about Howard goofing on her. Vinnie played one of the last messages that Mariah left on her web site. In it she and her friend leave a message about her cat jumping into the bath tub. Howard pointed out that Mariah made sure to put her black friend on the phone so she comes off as acceptable to her audience. At least that's the way he looks at it. Howard and Artie were goofing on that for a couple of minutes.
Vinnie had another one of the last messages that Mariah left on her web site. It's since been pulled from her site because she sounds so whacked out in them. You can check out Pagesix.com for the details of the message that Vinnie played. Howard and Artie Lange continued to goof on Mariah's friend for a couple of minutes before giving it a break.
Howard had Artie talk about how he came home drunk one night when he was 19 and he ended up ''adopting'' one of those kids that Linda Evans would talk about in the commercials for kids in third world countries who need help. It was $20 a month and Artie had enough money to cover it so he went for it. Artie's kid was from Costa Rica. Artie said the kid had like 20 brothers and sisters and his father was a fisherman. He felt like sending a box of condoms to the kid to give to his father. Artie says he sent this $20 a month for seven years! He lost contact a couple of times. In one letter he sent the kid his phone number. When the kid turned 17 he stopped sending the money. Two years later the kid called him from somewhere in New York City. They ended up meeting each other and the kid was with a hot Brazilian chick. By the end of the night the kid was asking Artie to buy him some weed. Artie was actually disappointed in the kid for asking for that but he bought him a bag anyway. After that he never heard from the kid again.
''Dave'' called Jay Leno a ''Big chinned prick'', a ''Herman Munster-faced'' guy and his band leader Paul Shaffer his ''organ grinder monkey.'' ''Dave'' also joked that he'd like to get a piece of that ''big freakin' Rican's ass'' when he was talking about Jennifer Lopez. Howard had some fun with ''Dave'' for a few minutes and then got Mike Walker on the phone to play his weekly game. Mike spent a little while talking about the Chandra Levy story they (National Enquirer) just broke about Gary Condit's wife allegedly ''attacking'' Chandra. Mike talked about how strange this whole story is. Everything they spoke about was just conjecture of course. Howard says he still thinks Dan Rather had something to do with Chandra's disappearance because he refuses to talk about the situation in his newscast. He's joking of course.
Howard eventually moved on to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
David E. Letterman was pretty much done for the morning after the game so Howard wrapped it up with him after he made some ''freakin' Rican'' joke about a Madonna concert. No one knew what he was talking about but the ''freakin' Rican'' comment was funny.
Howard had another story to talk about. He said that the guy they endorsed to run against Joe Lieberman in the senate last year has been charged with soliciting a minor for sex. Philip Giordano was allegedly trying to get something off a couple of kids under the age of 12 but that was from an anonymous source according to the article Howard was reading. Robin wished that the guy hadn't called into the show now.
The guys also want to get Robin to play the part of ''Ocra Lee Gifford'' who would be a talk show host that turns out to be Jamaica St. Croy's mother or something like that. They're already planning the shows for next season. Howard thanked them for making the show the hit that it has been so far.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy said Paul has changed his story already about how he's going to be doing this. It's not a perfect plan so there will be changes. Another guy said that Paul was on the Ron and Fez show yesterday talking about this stuff so he thinks that Howard is now ripping them off... even though Howard has been mentioning that he'd be a guest for weeks now. Even Paul acknowledged that other radio guys rushed to get him on after Howard mentioned he was going to have him as a guest.