Colby from ''Survivor 2'' will be on later today but the winner, Tina, won't. Howard said that's just fine, he still wants to interview Colby about what the hell he was thinking keeping Tina around for the final round.
Howard later spoke to Artie about working on ''Norm'' and what that's like. Artie said it's a great job. He said he gets like 12 lines a week and they're really easy to learn. He said he walks around the Warner Bros. Set and he can go over to check out Jennifer Aniston's ass over at the ''Friends'' set. He said there are a lot of hot chicks just walking around the set. Artie goes to the gym on the set and he can hang around hot chicks all day. The only problem is that no one recognizes him from ''Norm''. They've asked him if he works in the background of the show. They don't realize that he's a major character on the show.
Artie also shot his own pilot that was the worst show he's ever done. He said he was playing a bookie's runner and it was just awful. He said it was thrown together real quick and it wasn't that great. He said he got about $750,000 for the development deal.
Howard also talked about Cabbie going to Scores last week and how he left early. Cabbie claims it was because he didn't want to be tempted by alcohol. Howard thinks he didn't want to be tempted by men. Gary came in and said that Cabbie went on the air that night and complained about the Scores girls and how ugly they were. Howard tried to explain to him that not all women are perfect and those women are willing to take their clothes off. Cabbie said he just complained about one woman having body odor and another one who was just plain ugly. Howard said he was hearing other things that Cabbie was saying and it was more than just that. Howard said he's going to get tape of it to find out exactly what he said. Cabbie says that he can get hot chicks of his own all the time. Howard has yet to see any of those chicks but Cabbie says he'll bring one in sometime.
Cabbie told Howard that he's making an appearance this afternoon in Bryant Park where they're having a fight ring set up so Brian Joffee will be working out for an upcoming fight. And as always.. Cane and Cabbie, 6 to 10 on K-Rock in New York.
Howard heard about Blake's wife getting killed over the weekend. Howard thought the story sounded kind of odd. Blake was out to dinner with his wife. They left the restaurant they were at and Blake put his wife in his car. He'd forgotten his gun at the restaurant so he went back to get it. Howard read that Blake carried a gun because his wife thought that someone was after her and she was afraid she was being stalked. Blake came back to his car and found his wife slumped over in the car. Howard said he's waiting for more info on this story because it might get interesting.
Melrose Larry Green called in and complained about Cabbie getting air time. Melrose hates Cabbie but Howard told Melrose that he hates him too. Get over it. Melrose also had tape to play from a news report in L.A. about Blake's wife's murder. Howard and the crew listened and Melrose asked if they wanted to hear another one. Howard heard enough with the one. Howard continued to talk about how Blake could have forgotten a gun in the restaurant. People who carry a gun don't take it out of whatever it is they're holding it with. Howard thinks that the guy probably doesn't even have a carry permit for the gun. There are a lot of weird details in the woman's life so it is possible someone was after her. She apparently thought that she'd gotten pregnant by Christian Brando within the past couple of years but it turned out to be Blake's baby. She allegedly wanted to get famous and she thought the only way she could do that was by getting impregnated by someone famous. That's what she did and now it seems to have worked.
Howard went through tons of hot chicks and he finally came up with either Leila Arcieri or Jaime Bergman from ''Son of the Beach''. He said he'll find someone hot for the kid to go with. Bobby also said that anyone who's interested in going with him can e-mail him at PromDate4Adams@aol.com
Colby came in a short time later and Howard asked him how he got his teeth so white. Colby said that he had them treated with a tooth whitener while he was working for some dental practice or something like that. He said he had his last treatment in 1997 so it's worked pretty well.
Howard told Colby he was surprised to learn what he actually does for a living. Colby does car restorations for older cars. He said he's working on a '69 Suburban right now. He says he doesn't make much money doing that but he enjoys it. He said the people who have their cars done with him aren't usually in a rush to have them so he can get them perfect. Speaking of cars, Howard brought up the hideous Pontiac Aztek that Colby won at one point. Colby said the interior of the vehicle was cool but the exterior was kind of ''strange''. He said he hasn't even gotten the car yet.
Howard was curious about how Colby could have missed his mother so much while he was there playing the game. Colby said that he and his mother are very close but they don't live together or anything like that. Howard thought the whole thing seemed kind of strange because they both slept in the back of the Aztek together. Howard thinks that's also how Tina played him. He thinks that Tina came off as the ''good mom'' to Colby and he got suckered. Colby said that he and Tina just started playing the game together early and they stuck together right until the end. Colby told Howard that if Tina had won the final immunity challenge she would have picked him to go to the final round. Howard doesn't think so. He thinks that Tina isn't the person he thinks she is.
Colby claims that the money wasn't all that important to him but when Howard asked him if he would have chosen Tina if the prize money was $10 million, he said ''probably not''. So basically he's saying that the $1 million prize isn't enough. Howard just couldn't understand why the guy didn't just play the game and pick Keith to go to the final round. He would have almost been guaranteed to win if he'd done that.
Howard asked Colby if he thinks Tina had a face lift. Colby said he doesn't think she did. He thinks it was just the weight she gained back and the makeup she had on. Howard also asked him about her breasts. Howard thinks they're implants but Colby didn't really say what he thinks. He did say that she's got a great body and a great chest but he doesn't know if they're fake.
Howard told Colby he was very happy to have him on the show because others have refused to come on. Rodger and Elisabeth are just two that refused to come on. Howard also brought up how he thinks that there may have been a couple of gay people on the show. He guesses that perhaps ''Mad Dog'' Maralyn and maybe Jeff Varner were gay but he doesn't know that for sure.
Howard got to talking about some of the hot chicks on the show. Colby agreed that Elisabeth was really hot and even Amber was a hottie. Colby said that Amber did a photo shoot for Stuff magazine and she looked really hot in the shots he got to see. Colby also said he thought that Elisabeth got better looking as the game went on. He said he was upset to hear that she actually got engaged because that means he doesn't have a shot with her now. Howard doesn't believe that everyone's sex drive goes away when they play the game. Colby said he wouldn't believe it either until it happened to him. He said it goes away pretty quick once you get there.
Howard let a bunch of phone callers talk to Colby. A few of them told him he blew the game but no one was vicious about it. One guy asked Colby if he'd date his sister. Howard asked Colby if he gets hot chicks and if he's ever dated a ''Playboy'' quality woman. Colby said he doesn't date ugly chicks, that's for sure. He is able to get some hot chicks but he's never dated a model.
Colby said that Tina agreed to buy him a Harley Davidson motorcycle after the game since she won. Howard and Artie Lange told him he'll probably never get that motorcycle. Especially after a woman called in who claimed to be the wife of the guy that Tina allegedly stole.
On Saturday night Howard went to a dinner party with publisher Judith Regan. Howard went to a restaurant called Palma but he didn't eat in the restaurant. Howard said this woman Palma has her apartment above the restaurant and the dinner party was held in her kitchen which has a big table in it. He said he met some cool people at the party. He met the NY City police commissioner and he was a cool guy. They spoke for a while and Howard met some other writers and people like that. There was someone there that Howard just hates personally but he wouldn't mention his name. He just said that the guy makes him sick and he has no respect for him at all. Howard said that the guy shook his hand but when Howard realized who it was he just pulled his hand away and walked off.
Later that night Howard got a call from Ralph who said there was a model party to go to. Howard figured ''what the hell'' and went to this place called The Park. He said a bunch of guys came up to him and said they like the show which he was happy to hear. Then Howard met basketball player Reggie Miller. Reggie told Howard he was coming on the show but he can't ask him about some litigation he's got going on. Robin told Howard she's got tons of questions for him.
Howard said Ralph and this guy Jon Favreau were hanging out with him at this model party. Jon told Howard that the chicks at the party were circling him but he didn't see it. Ralph was on the phone and he said the girls were gravitating toward Howard. He just doesn't pay attention to it.
Howard also got to meet model Nikki Hilton who turned out to be 17 years old. Howard was talking about her recently on the show and said that he'd like to get her on the show so he could try to bang her. That won't happen now that he knows she's only 17.
A phone caller asked Howard why he used to tell Stuttering John and Gary that they should never get married. He used to tell them to go out banging different chicks every night. Now he's in a relationship with this Beth chick saying that he's not dating anyone else. Both Gary and Stuttering John came in and confronted Howard about that. Howard says that he'll never get married again. He just enjoys hanging out with Beth and if it ever gets old, they'll go their separate ways. Howard still says that Gary is a guy who should have never gotten married. He still thinks that Gary's marriage will end up in divorce. Gary told Howard he'll laugh at Howard when he gets married again just like Howard laughed at him when he got married.
Comedian Dave Chappelle came in very late this morning. He told Howard that it took him like and hour and a half to hail a cab. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about a bunch of crap before Robin started her news segment.
Howard spent a minute talking about Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes and how they kind of look alike.
Peter Carleon, the half brother of Bonny Lee Bakley, Robert Blake's late wife, called in this morning. Howard had seen him on TV last night and he wanted to ask him some questions about the woman. The guy said that he and his sister used to run scams together but he wouldn't discuss them because it's been less than 7 years so he could still get in trouble for them. Howard asked Peter if he thinks Blake ''did it''. Peter said ''Uhm, yeah.'' Howard read that Blake used to say to his wife ''I've got a bullet in here with your name on it.'' when he held his gun. Peter said that they warned Bonny about her relationship with Robert Blake but she stuck with him. After Peter said that he thinks Blake killed his wife Howard told him they have to wait for the law to find out the whole truth before they go blaming the guy. Howard said he has thoughts on what happened but he's not going to talk about it because he's afraid of getting sued. Peter said that he thinks that Blake is ''the white OJ Simpson'' in this case. Gary came in and pointed out that Blake played John List in ''The John List Story'' movie where a guy kills his family and gets away with it. Howard said this whole story is fascinating. Howard pointed out that no one seems upset over the death of this woman. Peter said that he loved this woman as his sister but he said his family knew that something like this was going to happen. He said the family warned her that it might happen someday and it finally did. Peter even said that Bonny allegedly told her family ''If anything ever happens to me, he's behind it.'' Howard said he's going to keep an eye on this case. Robin said that if Blake did finally snap, he sure had a long fuse. He's been wacky for a long, long time.
Peter continued to talk about how he scrammed people in the past. He told Howard he used a voice synthesizer to change his voice so he could scam old people into thinking they were getting a date with a younger woman and stuff like that. Then he'd meet them and take their money. He said he got about $70,000 in 4 months from that guy. He said the guy was really gullible and it was easy pickins.
Peter got back to Robert Blake and said that he thinks Blake was trying to end the marriage early because the pre-nuptial agreement he had expired in a certain amount of time. This is just what Peter is thinking went on so it may or may not be true. Gary came in with some article from The Mirror in London. They claim that the restaurant owner said Blake came in and asked for a glass of water then he said Blake told him his wife had fallen down and then said she was shot. The owner allegedly asked Blake if he wanted him to call the cops but Blake said that was already taken care of. Howard told Peter that they'll get his phone number and maybe use him as the special correspondent for this whole story.
Howard asked Peter to pretend to be a woman for him on the phone like he did to scam that old guy. Peter didn't have the voice synthesizer so it was kind of lame but he went along with it for a minute. Howard gave up on it pretty quick though.
After taking a break and before playing Win Fred's Money, Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the upcoming Paul McCartney special ''Wingspan'' which airs Friday night on ABC. Howard got sidetracked when he started talking about how old looking Linda McCartney was. He got back on to the Robert Blake story and how nasty his wife looked. Howard got back to ''Wingspan'' and said that he got sucked into it because Paul was so devoted to his wife. Howard also got suckered into getting the Wings CD that they promote in the special. Howard said he then realized how bad some of the songs were. Almost all of them were about Linda. Howard said there were some good songs like ''Live and Let Die'' but it was better when Guns 'N' Roses covered it. Howard played a bunch of other songs that were pretty good in his opinion.
Howard sent Fred off to the other room and played Win Fred's Money. Howard reads 7 questions in 60 seconds. John has to try and answer as many as he can in that time. Fred then comes back in the room and does the same. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Howard begged John to show them his stomach. John finally broke down and pulled up his shirt. Howard said it looked much better than the last time he was on but he's got a scar.
John asked about what's going on with Jackie not being there anymore. Howard told John that Jackie's not coming back and he's basically committed career suicide by leaving the show.
Howard was going to bring Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes in to hang with John but John said Chris has a problem with him. He said that Chris once refused to get on stage with another band because John was there. Howard wanted to get Chris to come in to talk about all of this but he refused. Chris said that he was there for himself and he wasn't going to come in until John was gone. Chris and his brother actually asked Gary if he could keep John out of New York all together.
Howard played a couple of cuts from ''Bridge'' and wrapped up the interview. John stayed pretty calm about Chris for a few minutes but he did go off on him a little bit. He mentioned Kate Hudson and said something about ''Chris married Kate Hudson... I'd make her happy in bed.'' It would have been great if Howard could have gotten Robinson in the studio with John.
Howard talked to Chris about being married to Goldie Hawn's daughter Kate Hudson. He kept trying to get some info out of Chris but he was very evasive with his answers. Howard said he read that Chris had once accidentally mistaken Goldie's ass for Kate's and gave it a squeeze. Chris sarcastically said that of course it happened if it was in the tabloids.
Howard kept hopping between the subjects of Kate Hudson and John Popper. Chris brought up some of the stuff that John had said about them and John called in. Howard asked Chris if he wanted to hear what he had to say and Chris said he really didn't care about any of it. Howard never put John through. Howard also brought up a story about meeting Kate before she even knew Chris. Howard was at a party for Rick Rubin, who Chris said he doesn't like, and he met Kate. He thought he might have a chance with her back then and he thought she'd call him but she never did. Chris said he pictured Howard wearing Elvis glasses sitting by the phone masturbating waiting for Kate to call him.
Stuttering John came in and told Chris how lucky he is to have Kate. He's played softball with her and he said she was wearing a shirt that showed off her belly one time. He said it was really nice and congratulated Chris on his score. Chris told Howard about playing softball with John and how both of them ended up wiping out at one of the bases because there was a hole in the field.
Chris told Howard a little bit about being in love with Kate and how great her family is. He said they're really cool people. He also talked a little bit about their wedding. Chris said that they had about 60 people there and they were married by an Indian Shaman. Howard told him he's probably not really married in some states if he was married by a Shaman.
Howard took a couple of quick phone calls and played a cut from the new album before wrapping up the interview. You can find out where the Black Crowes will be performing at BlackCrowes.com
Menace also told Howard he's done some dumb things that he's learned from. He said he's learned not to get high in the rain because you can't absorb your high. He also learned not to smoke in front of the police even if you think it'll cure your asthma. One other thing he learned is not to beat his meat when the wife is home. He said he was on the internet enjoying some porn when his wife snuck in the house. She caught him with lotion (Lubriderm) in one hand and his penis in the other.
Menace says that he's working on his own music right now and the songs are about freeing O.D.B. from jail. O.D.B. is in jail for about 3 years for getting high too much. Howard had to wrap up the short interview because it was getting so late in the show.
AJ said that Lonnie from Scores came to the party. AJ went to Scores after his party with news anchor Victoria Gomez who he says is really beautiful. He said that one of the Scores girls wanted to fight him for Victoria. AJ said that he told Victoria he'd date her and she doesn't believe he'd be serious about it because of how many women he dates. AJ says he's serious but other people have told Victoria that he's ''sleazy''. Howard wants to see this chick.
Howard said you can register to win $1 Million on the show by going to GoldenPalace.com. They'll be giving away the money sometime in the near future.
Howard said he got a hold of a magazine called ''Bizarre'' from England and it's kind of like FHM or Maxim where they have half naked hot chicks and cool articles. The article that got Howard's attention was about the Japanese and how they hold fights between retarded people. Howard said the magazine has pictures of the fights and it's really disturbing. Howard said the Japanese are out of control.
This guy Dave who always calls in and calls Howard Pinocchio challenged Howard to another competition this morning. Howard had him on one other time and he beat the guy in a good looks contest. Howard told the guy to drop dead and hung up on him after he challenged him again.
Melrose Larry Green called in and told Howard he loves when AJ is on the show. Howard said that all of these guys who have been replacing Jackie for the past couple of months are better than Jackie. Howard said he was talking to Craig Gass and Craig tells him now that he's been on the show he's selling out all over the place when he appears at a club. Howard said that's what Jackie didn't realize. He got all kinds of gigs from just being on the show and now he's given all of that up. Robin said she still thinks Jackie will eventually return to the show. She thinks that he's still in negotiations even though Howard keeps saying he's not. Howard says there's no way he's returning to the show now.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard he wants Jackie back on the show. Howard told him that it's not happening. Dominic said he called Jackie and spoke to him for a long time and Jackie knows he made a mistake. Dominic told Howard that Jackie is family and he should be back on the show. Howard told Dominic to go back to his ex-wife's family if that's the way it's supposed to be. Howard said he has such freedom now that Jackie's not threatening him with walking off the show and crap like that. Howard said Jackie walked out on the show, again, after many years and it's over.
Dominic was trying to get Marcia Clark on the show to promote ''Power of Attorney'' but Howard told him he can't just book the show. Marcia ended up calling in so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about the Robert Blake story. Marcia thinks that Blake probably committed the crime himself after hearing the details that have been released so far. She said they tested Blake for gun powder on his hands but she said it's very easy to wash off so that might be why they didn't find anything.
Howard also played tape of Blake being interviewed on his show years ago. After listening to the very strange Robert Blake almost walking off the show Howard said the guy really was scary back then.
Beetlejuice, dressed as Don King, also came in this morning. Beetle-King came in and Don King thought it was pretty funny. He kept saying ''My Man'' and laughed at the tiny headed dwarf. Howard asked Beetle-King a couple of questions about boxing and eventually moved on to the game.
This guy Robert Gadson somehow won the chance to punch Don King's picture. Howard spoke to him for a minute and then had him punch out his 3 holes. A minute later Gary said that the guy won some autographed boxing gloves, a watch and tickets to another fight that's coming up soon. Big let down there.
Howard quickly moved on and took a bunch of phone calls for Don and Bernard. A bunch of people called Don names and goofed on him but Don didn't care. Don just kept the promotion machine going. He just kept saying ''Call now!'' for people to get the pay-per-view event. Howard ended all of the fun around 8 o'clock before he got a headache from Don's yelling.
Howard was talking about upcoming guests, including Mick Foley, Jackie Stallone and her psychic dogs and Donald Trump. AJ said that he hates Trump and he'll be around when he comes in. Howard thinks it'll make for a good show but AJ thinks Trump won't even show up because he's there.
Howard did a eulogy for the late Mrs. Robert Blake, Bonny Bakley. It wasn't serious of course but Howard said he's probably the only person who will do one for her. It was all about her criminal life and how she conned men for money and all of that good stuff. Howard later said that Ron Zimmerman actually wrote the eulogy.
Howard also replayed the song about Rodger ''Kentucky Joe'' Bingham that he played yesterday. Howard said he heard from a lot of people that they thought the song was funny, because it was so bad, not because it was actually funny.
Mickey came in and told Howard that it wasn't her idea to plug a web site. Her roommate wanted to plug the site. She said she wasn't going to plug it at all. Her roommate is a guy so Howard figures it must be her boyfriend. She claims it's not though.
Mickey told Howard she was at the AC/DC concert last night hanging out with Crazy Cabbie. She said that Cabbie signed her ass with a marker and she wasn't able to wash it off this morning.
Howard figured Mickey was a stripper so he asked her about it. Mickey told Howard that she's a dancer at Lace in Wayne, New Jersey. She's 30 years old and Howard said she really does look like Tiffani Thiessen... but thinner. He said she's got a better body than Tiffani. One thing that annoyed Howard was the tongue piercings she had. Howard could hear the clicking of them while she was talking. Fred picked up on it and started clicking on his pen as Mickey was talking. Howard asked her why she'd do that to herself. Howard has heard it's good for oral so he asked AJ if that's true. AJ said he doesn't like that much metal near his pin. Robin said it looked like she had her kitchen sink in her mouth. Howard said it was like a Swiss Army Knife and asked her if she had a bottle opener in there.
Howard had Mickey take off some of her clothes so he could check out her body. Howard said her body was great and her breasts were nice too. He told her not to ever get implants because they were just right the way they were. KC was standing behind Mickey and he said she had a big ass. Both Howard and AJ said that it was a great ass. KC also noticed that she had some nasty back hair and he asked her if she bleaches it. Howard had her come over to him so he could see how bad it was. He saw it and said she looked like a wolf and that he'd have to shave her down before he bangs her.
Mickey claims that she's been with fewer than nine guys sexually. She said she likes chicks but she's never slept with one before. She said she doesn't even do oral on a guy if she's not dating him regularly. She told Howard she's very picky with her guys. Howard told her she should have come in 5 years ago since 25 is the age he dates. He said she looks great but 30 is a little old for him.
A phone caller told Howard that Mickey has a boyfriend but she kept denying it over and over again. She said she got laid last week but it's just a friend of hers that she can go to when she needs to get laid. Howard said he was going to hold on to this chick during the commercial break so he could get to know her better.
Howard wanted the audience to know a little more about Beetlejuice's behind the scenes life so he brought in some of Beet's ''family''. Sean, the guy who books Beetlejuice's appearances, came in along with this guy known as Drunken Jamie (DrunkenJamie.com). Sean is Beet's partner and he manages his money and all of the work they get.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Drunk Jamie about some of the notes he had on him. Jamie apparently broke a record in New Jersey for having the highest blood alcohol level ever. He blew a 3.4 when he was pulled over for DUI once. Jamie said that he was told if he'd had one more Heineken he'd probably be dead. Howard said Jamie was dead once when he crashed his car and was thrown from it doing 120 MPH. He was shocked back to life and choppered to a hospital. He's been through a lot of crap... and he's eaten some too. He recently ate some of High Pitch Erik's cat's shit to show his girlfriend that he likes cats.
Sean told Howard that Beetlejuice actually lives with him and his family. Sean has a wife and a 6 year old son. He said that Beet and his son actually play games together. Beetlejuice is also banging Sean's sister. Beet said he's got a kid with her but Sean said that's not true, he's just screwing the 18 year old.
Sean says some people think he and Beetlejuice are making a ton of money making appearances. He says they're really not. Sean claims they make about $2500 a week and they have to split that up. Sean used to sell cars for a living and he had to work 60 hours a week. Now he works 6 hours a week making appearances with Beetlejuice. He said a percentage of the money goes into savings for Beetle. Sean told Howard that Beetle uses some of his money to care for his mother too.
Sean found Beetle in a bar about 3 years ago. At the time he was doing dwarf tossing with this guy Frankie and he asked Beet if he wanted to do it. Beet agreed and the next day he brought him on Howard's show. Sean said that he calls Beetle by his real name, Lester, when he's hanging around him. He's got his own room at Sean's place and he can come and go as he pleases. Sean says he sometimes goes out and disappears for a few hours but he always manages to make it back to his place. Jamie said that he and Beet go out and double-team chicks together.
Sean said that Beetlejuice made about $50,000 when he shot the movie ''Bubble Boy'' and he's going to be shooting a porno in September. He was also in ''Scary Movie 2'' and he made about $2000 in that part. It was only a 2 minute scene so it wasn't a lot of money.
Sean said that Frankie the dwarf is no longer with them because he got jealous of Beetlejuice's fame. Sean said Beet actually fired Frankie himself. Beetle also fired some other guy they called Puppet. Howard asked him why he fired him. Beetlejuice said he fired him because he was Mexican. You can find out more about Beetlejuice at JollyDwarf.com
Howard mentioned how comedian Craig Gass has been selling out at comedy clubs now that he's appearing on Howard's show. Craig e-mailed him and said that he doesn't know half of it. Craig gave Howard a list of the strange things that have been happening to him lately. He said that agents that would never even give him advice about his career in the past are now calling him and begging him to talk to them. He's getting auditions and call backs for sitcoms and he's doing voices for MTV's ''Celebrity Deathmatch'' and he's in talks to do other animated shows. That's just a couple of the things he's got in the works. AJ Benza, who was sitting in again this morning, said that he and his friends always do the ''Al Pacino's Baby'' voice because it's so funny.
Howard had this kid on the phone Monday who has spina bifida and wants a prom date this weekend. Howard was trying to hook him up with someone like Jaime Bergman from ''Son of the Beach'' but Gary said she wasn't willing to go. Gary said he's also contacted the Playboy people and they had to look into what they could do but it might be too late by the time they figure it out. Hiya the intern said she'd go with the high school student because she missed out on her own prom. Howard said they'll use her as their back-up girl if the Playboy thing falls through.
Howard said that there's a great animation on this Saturday's syndicated show where KC was talking about going to a tanning salon. Howard said he was cracking up watching the thing and the way the guy drew Gary is so funny he's thinking of starting a cartoon just based on Gary. In another cartoon Gary is shown as an ape man. Howard mentioned a few of the other things that are on the show this week too. Click here to see what's on.
Howard moved on to talk about how he was used on Saturday night when he was invited to Judith Regan's book party. She sent out a press release and said it was a ''literary salon'' that she was holding and now Howard thinks that it makes him look like a homo. Howard then discussed some of the book titles that were turned down for his first book. He'd wanted to call it 'Mein Kampf'' or ''Penis'' but no one at the book company would allow either of them.
This guy Michael called in to talk about some new audio that's coming out soon. He said that there's new a new audio format called SACD (Super Audio CD) that's will be out soon. He said the audio will be sampled 2.83 million times a second instead of 44,000 times a second with the current format. He said there's also DVD Audio that's got a higher sample rate than current formats. Michael said that SACD is out now and there's some software out there. Vinnie Favale called in and said that all of this is just a scam to get people to buy all of their CDs over again. He said that he doesn't want to buy his whole collection over again. He also said that he thinks that portable digital audio is the future and this SACD isn't the way to go. Michael told him that it's not a scam of course.
Howard played tape of Gary Garver interviewing Tina, the winner of ''Survivor 2''. When Gary asked her why she didn't do the Howard Stern show she said that she doesn't think Howard is a nice person. Howard pointed out that he's never stolen someone's husband and she didn't ''play'' Colby for the million bucks. He said he hopes he runs into her some day so he can confront her on that stuff.
Melrose Larry Green called in and played tape of a news report about Robert Blake and how the cops searched his house again for evidence in his wife's murder.
Howard read an article about this high school kid, Derek Dubois, who wrote and sang a song about his English teacher Mrs. Dunn. Howard said they pulled the song off of Napster.com (under the file name 'Derek Dubois - Mrs Dunn Son.mp3') so he played it for us this morning. It was actually pretty good for a 14 year old. He sings about lusting after the teacher and crap like that. According to the article the teacher was so disturbed by the song that she had to take 3 days off. Howard later found out that there was a second song by the kid so he played some of that for us. It was just as funny as the first one. Howard was trying to get the kid on the phone to talk to him about the songs. Later in the show a reporter by the name of Tim called in to discuss it even more. The guy said the downloads have to be in the thousands by now because so many news people have been getting it. Tim said he was going to go over to the kid's house and try to get him to call Howard since his number is now unlisted. Howard said he'd love to talk to either the kid or the teacher.
Howard ripped a fart for Richard and then Richard offered him $5000 for the sound effect if Howard would let him call it ''Howard Stern's Fart''. Howard told him he'd have to talk to his agent about doing that.
Richard told Howard that he made the CDs for about $1.50 each and sold them for $10.95 each. Gary figured out the numbers and came up with almost $1.7 Million gross sales. The guy made about a million bucks selling fart sounds! Howard said he had no idea there was money in farts. He's flushed away money all these years.
Howard also played some of the vomit sounds. Robin was about to say that they're not that funny but one of the clips actually was funny to her.
Howard played a bunch of clips and tried to get Richard to recognize and name them. Richard got every one wrong but he said he just hasn't been able to listen to them all enough.
Howard tried ripping a couple for Richard again. One of them didn't quite make it out and Howard almost crapped his pants. Richard named that one ''Feces Pieces''.
Fred tells us that he's still dating the chick he's been dating for years now. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio and there is talk of them getting married. Fred says if they do get married he'll be moving to Cleveland.
Mick said he was happy to see Fred and all but he's got a book to promote today. He had to sit through the whole fart CD thing and he just wanted to get some plugs in. Howard told him that Fred was fascinating and they'd get to his plugs shortly. Mick then told Fred to hold his book while Howard talked to him.
Howard finally moved on to talk to Mick about his new book ''Foley Is Good: And the Real World Is Faker Than Wrestling'' which is out now. In the book he talks about Fred the Elephant Boy. Mick says that Fred was the first celebrity he'd ever met. He'd been wrestling for years and after he met Fred he went on Howard's show. After that his career took off. He told Howard that at one point in his life Fred inadvertently caused some friction in his marriage. Mick said his wife doesn't allow him to watch porno. Fred had given him Howard's ''Butt Bongo Fiesta'' tape and Mick was caught watching it one night. He tried to convince his wife it wasn't porno but the tape quickly vanished. Mick said that Fred then kept calling him asking for the tape and he didn't know where it was. So there was actually friction between his wife and, at the same time, Fred.
Mick says he and Fred are still friends but they don't hang around together like they used to. He says that Fred has been on the show with him every time he's been on so far. He said he'd feel naked without him there.
Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls for Mick. There was one call for Fred too. The caller said that Fred hit a turkey with his car out in Pennsylvania somewhere recently. Fred explained, in his unique way... barely understandable, that he hit a Canadian Goose that was flying across the road. It smashed his windshield and he had to pull over. He went to a convenience store and tried to get some help. The caller said his buddy told him that no one understood him so they had to find someone to interpret his mumbling, tongue-twisting speech. The caller told Howard that Fred would try to call someone to replace his windshield and they'd hang up on him thinking he was retarded.
Fred the Elephant Boy will be appearing in the NWA Jersey event at Keansburg High School in Keansburg, NJ on May 12. Mick will be making a bunch of book signing appearances in the near future. You can find out more about Mick's and where he'll be appearing on his web site MickFoley.com
Gary eventually got this Kara Young on the phone to try and straighten things out. She basically backed up what Trump was saying but not exactly. She said that she did meet Trump when she was still dating AJ. AJ said that was a technicality and Trump was dating her when she was still going with him. It was all a bunch of crap but the fighting was funny as hell. Earlier AJ had said that Trump was still calling Kara incessantly trying to get her back. Kara said she didn't want to comment on that because Donald is dating someone now. By the end of the segment, around 11 o'clock, AJ was apologizing to Trump for yelling at him.
All Trump was calling in for was to promote the Miss Universe Pageant that airs Friday night at 9pm on CBS. Howard got around to plugging that at the end of his call. Howard then spent a couple of minutes talking to him about Miss France who was rumored to have been a man at one point in her life. Trump said it turns out she was never a man and if she had been, she would have been disqualified. This will probably be replayed on tomorrow's show because Howard thought it was great radio. He told Donald that he was going to promote the Miss Universe Pageant like crazy on the show tomorrow.
AJ spent a couple of minutes talking about how he watched 3 pornos last night. He said he really likes this porn star Kyra who he watched last night. He said she's a really hot Asian/Black chick. Howard ended up talking about condoms with AJ. AJ says he uses Magnum's and Howard says he loves the regular, green boxed Durex condoms. He said he tried the extra sensitive Durex condoms and they're horrible. He loves the regular ones though. A phone caller told Howard that the extra sensitive Durex condoms are actually thicker than the regular ones to make guys last longer. That explained the whole thing for Howard. Howard then spent a minute talking about how he used to send Ralph out to buy his condoms. Ralph would only buy a 3 pack and it was never enough. Howard then had to have his assistant, Laura, go buy them for him. He said Ralph just wants to be needed all the time and that's why he would only buy 3 at a time.
AJ Benza thinks that the surgery may have had an effect on his penis for some reason. Howard thinks that the guy just has a very small penis. He told the woman that they can bring the guy on the show next week and ask him about it if she wants to do that. She decided not to do that because it might embarrass him. She decided that she'd ask him about it herself over the weekend. Howard told her to call in next week with the outcome.
Robin brought up the special ''Weakest Link'' show that was on last night featuring the cast of the first ''Survivor'' season. She said that was very weird too because they voted off the winner of their game, Richard Hatch, first thing. The woman who was voted off first in that ''Survivor'' was the winner of the game last night.
Gary came in and talked about this marriage proposal show that FOX is doing. He said he saw it and it's very disturbing to see women begging their men to marry them on TV. Howard said if a woman does that to you, you should run for the hills. If she wants to get married so bad, let her go get married to someone who wants to get married.
Howard took a break and came back to kill some more time with some news stories. He read about a kid from Brooklyn who's suing his school because he was forced by a teacher to get into a wig, bra and panties because he was making noise in class. He's suing them for $22.5 million! Howard says he wants $22.5 million for the beatings he had to go through in school when he was a kid.
Howard said that the XFL is officially over... ''They blew it'' he said about the failed football league.
Howard said that the ads for the upcoming ''Ally McBeal'' episode is basically telling people to watch the show because it's the last one shot before Robert Downey Jr. got arrested. He thought that was a weird way of promoting a show but he feels compelled to watch it now.
A woman who's running the Million Mom March called in to talk about that real quick. She said they're holding a march in Sacramento, California to try and get a law passed so that people in the state have to register if they own a gun. The woman was on Rosie O'Donnell's show on Wednesday and Howard was trying to get an update on Rosie's injured hand. The woman said she was at the show but she didn't get to see Rosie's hand at all. Howard let her plug her web site MillionMomMarch.org and ended the call after a few minutes.
Howard said he likes another new homo song. He played the remake of ''Lady Marmalade'' that Christina Aguilera (and artists Mya, Pink, Lil' Kim and Missy ''Misdemeanor'' Elliott) did that's in the top 5 songs in the country. He was actually singing along with it. AJ said he likes the song too.
Howard said his daughter asked about what concerts were coming up this summer out on Long Island. Howard looked into it and there was a lot of bad concerts including Styx/Billy Squire, Lynard Skynard/Deep Purple/Ted Nugent, Poison/Quiet Riot/Enuff Z Nuff, Journey/Peter Frampton and many others. Howard can't imagine many people going to see some of those concerts.
Howard got off of that subject by talking about the ''MTV Cribs'' show. He was talking about all of these rap stars who have one hit and then move into houses that have elevators in them. He said it's the greatest show because you get to see how the stars spend their money. Gary said that those guys won't have those houses in a couple of years. They'll probably blow all of their money and lose the houses.
After playing the tape Howard said that AJ was yelling at him and yelling at Trump during the replay. AJ continues to argue about the time line that Trump is using. Howard told AJ to just forget about it because it doesn't matter.
Howard said these psychic dogs have made a lot of predictions but they've ben wrong on many occasions. Jackie claims that the dogs became psychic after lying on an Islamic prayer rug. How she can hear their thoughts is beyond me. Howard said that the dogs predicted that Bill Clinton will go on to run a TV or movie studio. Howard says they were wrong but Jackie says that it will happen one day. They also predicted that Jack Gordon, Latoya Jackson's old manager, would marry Anna Nicole Smith in January of 2001. They were wrong on that one too. Jackie says Jack found Anna to be too fat so he left her. Howard said that you can call to arrange a psychic reading from the dogs by calling 1-877-7JACKIE. It'll cost you $4.99 a minute though.
Howard asked Jackie if Sylvester has ever approached her and asked her not to make such a spectacle of herself. Jackie said he has done that and he told her she was nuts for doing Howard's show. She also said that he has offered to pay her a million bucks a year to just shut up but she turned it down.
Howard got back to the dogs and asked them a couple of questions. He asked them who killed Robert Blake's wife. Jackie said she already discussed that with the dogs and they say it was a friend of Robert's who killed the wife. The dogs also say that Blake will be arrested and charged with the murder. The dogs also claim that OJ didn't kill Nicole. The dogs have predicted that there will be prisons built on Mars by 2010 and when they're asked about the Middle East problems they go nuts. Howard will also go back to his wife Alison at some point according to the dogs.
Howard took a phone call and a guy asked the dogs to predict how long it'll be until Jackie is committed. She didn't have an answer for that question.
Jack Gordon came in to make some big announcement that turned out to be nothing. Jackie said that he was going to announce that he was going to marry someone really famous. He came in and said that the dogs predict that he'll marry Hilary Rodham Clinton. That was it. He doesn't date her or anything cool like that. It was the stupid dog prediction. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that let down.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone pretty quick since it was getting so late. Howard asked Mike what he thinks about the Robert Blake story. Mike said it's still a little early in the investigation to comment on it but he does think that some of the details are kind of odd.
Howard moved on to play the game... Here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column at NationalEnquirer.com each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:
Howard took a break shortly after the game. He came back and did the news with Robin while Froggy sat in to comment. Howard said that Froggy was telling him about how he fell off the roof and injured himself. He fell 45 feet and actually died for 3 minutes. He said there's nothing to it. You don't feel anything when you're dead. His optic nerve was dislodged from one of his eyes too. He manages some band called Fly and Howard felt so bad about all of the crap he's been through that he played some of their music. The band sounds kind of Led Zeppelin-ish and the guy's voice was okay. Howard said the song just didn't move him so it's not something he'd listen to. Howard tried listening to a second clip instead. He still wasn't very impressed so he moved on to do the news.