Howard commented on how bad Jennifer Lopez looked on the awards show also. He said that the outfit she was wearing was just not right for her big fat ass. He said she looked like a hippo.
Jessica Hahn called in to let Howard know that she really enjoyed the show on Friday. She said it was her favorite show out of the 13 years she's been listening.
Ralph called in real quick also. He said that he made it in to this party that Howard was trying to get to. Howard tried getting in to Lotus but gave up after being shoved around by bouncers and a huge crowd. Ralph said he snuck in with Ben Stiller's people without anyone noticing. Howard complained about how annoying Ralph was on the drinking show also. He told Ralph that when he asks him to go away he should just go away. Ralph said he wasn't even saying anything. That doesn't matter to Howard.
Howard said that he somehow missed the Christina Aguilera singing with Fred Durst thing that a listener told him about. He thinks that his TiVo may have cut off the end of the show. He said that he did see Christina as well as Britney Spears on the show and said they looked really good... unlike Jennifer Lopez. He also spent a few minutes talking about how weird it is to have all of the little wars going on between the bands on the show. He brought up Eminem who has a problem with Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears. He pointed out that they're all the same thing.. Teen pop idols. He just doesn't understand the whole thing.
A caller told Howard that Jennifer Lopez was wearing that horrible outfit because it's part of her boyfriend's clothing line.
Howard talked about the Emmy awards from last night also. He said that Gena Davis was wearing an outfit that was see through. He thinks that she was wearing it because she's trying to help promote her new TV show which is already getting horrible reviews. He also commented on how scary Cher looked at the award show.
Howard said that he ended up going to Scores on Thursday night after the MTV mess. He said he was so happy to go there after the whole thing and had to thank them for making it such a great place to go.
Howard played a few interviews that Gary Garver did recently. Gary got interviews with Rudy from ''Survivor'', Antonio Banderas and Charles Dutton. First up was Rudy. Gary asked him:
Deep voiced announcer Paul Turner called in to tell Howard what happened to him after the drinking show last week. He said that he had to catch a train home to Philadelphia at 11:40pm Thursday night. He said he left the show at about 11:20 and ran down the streets in his pajamas. He caught a cab and made it to the train with one minute to spare. He said that he spent the whole trip back to Philly in the bathroom throwing up. When he finally got to the train station he sat down for a minute. Some cops came by and asked him if he knew where he was and what he was wearing. He had to explain to the cops that he'd just come back from the Stern show drinking show. He said the cops let him off the hook.
UPDATE... At around 10:50am Howard announced the final 8 finalists. They are, in no particular order..:
Howard brought up a list of the best sportscasters that was in TV Guide. Howard heard that Al called the people over there and tried to get bumped up from number 7 to like number 3 or so. Howard read some of the names on the list and had Al comment on them. Howard Cossell was number one on the list. Al said that by the end of his career he didn't like him anymore. Al pointed out that the people on the list were all in different fields so it was kind of a ridiculous list.
Howard had some comments that Boomer Esiason had said about Al also. Boomer thinks that Al got him fired from Monday Night Football and he said some stuff about Al that wasn't so nice. Al said that he doesn't have the power to get someone fired so he doesn't know why Boomer is blaming him. He did say that the people at the show do run stuff by him but he doesn't have the power to fire the guy.
Al brought up Don Imus and how he's been ragging on him lately about the Boomer situation. Howard thinks that Imus, the imitator, is on the side of Boomer because Boomer is an imitator of Al's. Al said that Boomer wouldn't return his calls for a while but he did speak to him recently and things are not that bad.
Tonight the NY Jets play the New England Patriots and Howard said it should be a great game. Howard asked Al who he thinks will win. Al said that it'll probably be a very close game but the Jets will pull it out.
Howard also brought up the whole Dennis Miller thing and how he thinks that he's the wrong guy for the job. Howard thinks that Miller drags the show down. Al told Howard that they wanted to bring a new aspect to the show because every football game was sounding the same. He told Howard that Miller doesn't read his jokes off a piece of paper. He did say that Miller might jot down a joke he thinks of during the week so he can use it during the game though. Al told Howard that he sees Miller as the Paprika in the recipe of the whole Monday Night Football that Don Ohlmyer put together. Howard said that paprika is usually an unnecessary ingredient in a recipe. Al said that he adds a little spice to the show just like paprika does. Al told Howard to give Miller a chance for a little while. Howard said he'd see what happens.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Al and quite a few people don't like Miller on the show. Chaunce Hayden of Steppin Out Magazine called in and said that the Dennis Miller thing might be ''..the biggest blunder in TV history.'' Ralph also called in and said that Howard should give Miller a chance. He doesn't think he's that bad.
Howard asked Al about his relationship with Frank Gifford also. Al told Howard that he hasn't been over to Giff's house in about 4 years but he did hang out with him at a funeral recently. He didn't have all that much to say about it.
Howard and Robin discussed Gena Davis' Emmy dress and how see through it was. Howard said that Davis shouldn't have worn that dress because you could see how saggy her breasts are. Robin thinks that Gena didn't know that the dress would be so see-through. She thinks that it was the bright lights that made it so see through.
Stuttering John went out to a press conference for Dennis Miller and Al Michaels last night. He was the only one asking questions so he got off quite a few. He asked things like:
Corey Feldman called in this morning to complain about how his name was spelled wrong in the credits of ''Son of the Beach'' last week when he was on the show. He said they spelled his name ''Cory'' instead of ''Corey'' and it's against the SAG rules for them to do such a thing. He wants it corrected but Howard said the show doesn't have a budget for something like that. Corey also complained that his credits were split-screened with Gary Coleman on the show. That's against the rules also. Howard basically told him there was nothing he could do. Howard made sure to promote tonight's new episode of ''Son of the Beach'' which stars Vincent Pastore, Big Pussy from The Sopranos. It's the last episode of the second season but the show has been renewed for a third.
Howard finally got around to playing the finalists after having KC re-cue the tapes that he had. Howard announced the finalists at the end of the show yesterday so he decided to play the songs all the way through.. well, most of the way through.. Today. Here's the list of finalists once again:
After Howard played the songs he took calls from angry listeners whose songs weren't played. Howard said that they listened to the thousands of entries and they had to pick the ones they found to be the best. He said there were a lot of funny songs and it was hard to narrow it down to a final 8. It's going to be even harder to pick the winners. One of the favorites among the crew and callers alike was the ''Jackie is a Drunk'' song. It's just a guy playing a tambourine basically talking out the whole song. He tells a story with the song instead of singing and it's very funny. It's so catchy that listeners were calling in and repeating it for Howard. Even Howard said it's brilliant in it's execution. ''Jackie is a drunk... a big stupid drunk...'' See! Even I'm singing along.
We also learned that KC punched his girlfriend in the neck while he slept last night. He said his girlfriend woke him up and told him that he'd punched her. He just said ''Okay'', rolled over and went back to sleep. He said he felt like and idiot after that. Robin thinks this is just more proof that he's gay. A couple of weeks ago he revealed that he wet the bed one night and how he's punching his girlfriend in his sleep.
Howard was under the impression that Mark had to pitch the show a lot before CBS picked it up. Mark says that CBS picked it up the first time he pitched it to them.
Howard told Mark that he must be a genius for orchestrating the misinformation that led to people thinking they knew the winner of the show. Mark said that he'd rather not discuss that because he doesn't want to give away any secrets. They're casting for the second ''Survivor'' and he doesn't want to spoil anything for that show. He said they got 49,000 applicants for that show. Howard was wondering if he thinks that people are just applying for it to get the TV exposure or if they want to play the game. Mark said the casting will weed out the best cast although there will probably be some who just want the TV exposure.
Mark's book ''Survivor : The Ultimate Game'' just came out today. He says it's a diary of his time there on the island written in real time. He told Howard that the first line is about how he thinks Richard Hatch, the eventual winner, would be the first voted off the island. He had no idea the guy would win. Howard thought that Mark was going to reveal the fact that someone else on the island was gay but Mark said that's not true. He didn't put that in the book but didn't comment on whether or not it's true. There are rumors that one of the women might have been gay. Mark didn't want to discuss that because he said he doesn't want to burn people that were on the show.
Howard heard that Mark received a cut of the advertising revenue from CBS during the run of ''Survivor''. Once again Mark said that he doesn't want to discuss such a sensitive subject. He actually said that he was squirming on the phone while talking to Howard about it. He joked that he had to try and ''survive'' the phone call.
Mark said that he's going to stick to just doing ''Survivor'' for now but also revealed that he's working on a show that will eventually send a person up on a Russian rocket to visit the MIR space station. He told Howard that a dozen people will compete in the Russian Cosmonaut training program until one person is left.
Howard asked Mark if he was afraid of being held responsible if someone on the island were to die during the filming. Mark said that everyone knew what they were getting in to so he wasn't afraid. He did say that Richard did something very dumb by picking up a very poisonous snake which they didn't have any anti-venom for.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Mark before getting off the phone. A couple of people either didn't like the premise of the show or thought that the whole thing was scripted. Mark said that the show was not scripted and said that the premise of the show was similar to real life. The caller that said the premise was wrong said that people becoming ruthless to try to win money is just wrong. Mark said it happens in the work place every day so it's just like real life.
Mark also said that the torches blowing out before each person was voted off was absolutely not set up. He said there were a few very odd things that happened on the island that he just can't explain.
Finally a caller said that he'd like more hot chicks on the next installment of ''Survivor''. Howard agreed and suggested that Mark get some hotter chicks on the next one. Mark said that there are some ''extremely hot'' women in the group of people who are up for the next one.
Mark will be appearing at Brentano's Books in Century City Los Angeles on Thursday and in Manhattan on Saturday at the Barnes and Noble near Lincoln Center.
Howard played the 8 song parody finalists again today. He said that on tomorrow's show they'll have all of the finalists when the pick the winners. Howard also said that a couple of the song parodies can't be heard up in Canada because of their strange laws. They have to cut the Daniel Carver ''Dancin In White Sheets'' song as well as the ''Sister's Pubic Hair'' and ''I Love Little Girls'' songs. Howard read a couple of faxes he got from angry people who sent in parodies that didn't get played. Howard said that they listened to every song so people shouldn't think that their songs were missed. He's hoping that after reading the angry faxes that people will drop the subject now.
One guy who entered 9 parodies called in and said that he's not a sore loser. He said he understands that his songs weren't picked.. Then he jokingly said ''Play my songs you bastard!''
Later in the show Howard replayed some of the drinking show from backstage at the MTV Awards. He was so drunk that he didn't remember all that happened there. He replayed the segment where he was trying to interview Jakob Dylan. It was even funnier to hear it the second time because they were giving a play-by-play of what was going on in the background. Howard is still not sure just how pissed off Jakob was about the whole situation. He didn't look too happy on the video that Howard was watching.
Highlights of the drinking show air this Saturday on the syndicated ''The Howard Stern Radio Show'' TV show. Then on the E! show, the week of September 18-22, they will air the drinking show all week at 11pm.
Howard missed seeing Robin Radzinski from E! at the drinking show. She was wearing a revealing pajama top at the show and Howard completely missed out on it. He spoke to her for a short time and she complained about how disgusting Benjy was while they were there. Howard says Benjy just wants attention and that's why he was pissing in a catheter and sticking his fingers down his throat to make himself vomit. Benjy doesn't see it that way though. He thinks that he was just having fun. Everyone else thinks he was just obnoxious.
Howard read a report about how low Dr. Laura's new TV show ratings were the first day out. Howard said he saw the show and she's just frightening to look at.
Howard also heard rumors that the school he went to in Roosevelt, Long Island may be closed down because it's become such a horrible school. He spent a while reminiscing about his experiences there.
Howard read an article about John R. Gambling who was just fired from the job that his family has held since 1925.. Rambling With Gambling, a news program on a station in New York City. Howard is so thrilled that this guy has lost his job. Howard recently explained how Gambling tried to keep his kids out of a private school he was thinking of sending them to. In the article it claims that Gambling has some job offers so things are looking good for him. Howard thinks that Gambling will end up on the internet or something like that doing a lame ''radio show'' on the web like so many other failed DJ's have done.
Later in the morning Howard replayed the tape of Stuttering John interviewing Dennis Miller at a press conference. Gary got to hear it for the first time since he was out sick yesterday when Howard played it the first time.
Howard was curious about what SweepsClub.com is and how it makes money. Richard said it's a site that gives away about 3000 prizes a month and they make money selling advertising on the site. Howard heard that and said he wants to start a site like that. Richard claims that they're making quite a bit of money on the site too. He said he'd talk to Howard off the air about it. Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to know if you can have sex in space. Richard said he's not sure about that and you only get one ticket so you wouldn't have your spouse with you.
Steve Leeds, a big wig at Universal records, is a friend of the show and he's the guy who will have to go out and try to sell this album to radio stations. Howard wants to get Steve to come in and talk about what he's going to have to do to get stations to play this crap. Howard suggested that Steve should just bring cocaine to the stations he has to convince to play the album.
A woman called in and said that this song(Heartache Heartache) is the one that Cassidy(Kathie Lee's daughter) will be stripping to at Scores when she grows up. Howard also mentioned that there's a Kathie Lee web site mentioned on the CD cover. You can check that out at Kathie-Lee.net.
Howard played a new phony phone call from the great Touch-Tone Terrorists this morning. The guy who does the calls got a customer service call from some woman who wanted to know when she put in for a loan or something like that. The guy tells the woman to check her calendar and the woman goes nuts on him calling him a ''faggot faced faggot''. Howard said that the new album from the Touch-Tone Terrorists is coming out on October 3.
Doug Goodstein's wedding is coming up in the very near future so Howard spent a few minutes talking about that. Howard said that he may go but he's still not sure. Jackie said that he's not going but his wife is so she could go as Howard's date. Howard said that might be a bad idea since she wants to sleep with him. Everyone was talking about how much money to give as a gift for Doug. Stuttering John says he'll be giving about $500 while Howard thinks he'll have to give about $1000. Even Fred, who's not going to the wedding, said that he'll be giving $300-400 as a gift. Gary will also be giving about $350 or so. Robin Radzinski from E! said she'll be giving about $150. Howard suggested that everyone just give $100 each so that no one would be out doing another... and Doug would freak out.
Howard always says that he doesn't like shaking people's hands because of the germs that people carry around. He read an article from Maxim Magazine this morning about the best places to pick up germs. He read that some of the top places to pick up germs are:
Later in the morning Howard replayed the segment where he and Robin goofed on Kathie Lee yesterday. Howard added that his hopes of getting Steve Leeds to come in and talk about this album have been ditched. Steve checked with his bosses at Universal and they don't think it would be a good idea for him to go on Howard's show.
The third place winner was Luke Atmydick with ''Dancin In White Sheets''. Howard played the song and let Luke give his quick speech. Luke won $3000 for his third place win.
The second place winner was Chris Grecco with ''Those Teeth''. Chris won $5000 for that song. Howard played the song and Chris sang along live through the whole song. He knew it by heart and Howard loved the performance. Chris gave his quick speech and even Gary said that it was a clever song that he enjoyed.
Howard played the final 5 songs remaining once again and then revealed the winner of the ''Beck's Beer, a beer apart'' song parody contest. And the winner is.. Alan Holm with ''Jackie is a Drunk''! Howard played the song once again. In honor of that win, here are the lyrics to the song:
Jackie is a drunk,
A big stupid drunk,
Whose wife makes him build her a recording studio with her songs that are dumb and are never gonna sell and you're writing for a band whose name is gonna to change in the next couple of days,
Jackie is a drunk,
A big stupid drunk,
Whose mother-in-law works for his stupid little recording label with a bunch of crap that nobody's gonna buy,
And it's gonna wind up at somebody's garage sale who somebody will buy and give to their brother-in-law as like a gag gift and everyone will hate and will end up getting thrown away 'cause,
Jackie is a drunk,
A big stupid drunk,
Jackie is a drunk,
A big stupid drunk,
Jackie is a drunk,
A big stupid drunk,
Jackie is a drunk,
A big stupid drunk,
Jackieeeeee Isssssss Aaaaaaa Druuuuuuuuuuunnnnkkk
You have to kind of just talk the song slowly and run all of the long sentences together to get a feel for how funny the song actually was. The only instrument played in the song was a tambourine.
Alan thanked a bunch of people including Howard because no one ever thanks him.
Bill Yetman and his wife Suzette from Beck's beer came in to present the grand prize of $10,000 to Alan for his win. Bill, the President of Beck's Beer, congratulated everyone for submitting songs. He also said that his main reason for supporting the contest was to get a look at Robin.
Finally, Howard announced that the 4 other finalists would be getting consolation prizes courtesy of Buy.com. They had a choice of either a portable DVD player or a digital camera. Howard says that he may put the winner's songs up on his HowardStern.com web site but that's not official yet.
After taking a break Howard let Gary tell us how close the song parody contest was. ''Those Teeth'' could have won if someone, KC, hadn't voted it number 7 out of 8 in his secret ballot. Everyone else voted it up in the top 3-4 but KC's vote brought it down to number two. The way everyone was talking it sounded like they wanted ''Those Teeth'' to win over the ''Jackie is a Drunk'' song. KC explained that he thought the ''Sisters Pubic Hair'' was more original than a song about Gary's teeth.
A woman called in to tell Howard how bad the Dr. Laura TV show was. Howard went off on the show and spent a couple of minutes talking about how horrible it is and how little ratings it gets. Then Gary brought in a Dr. Laura game that's out there. In the game they give you a scenario and you have to answer the way Dr. Laura would answer. Gary, Howard and Robin all played the game for a few minutes and came pretty close to answering the way the evil Dr. Laura would answer questions about relationships. Gary said the game is sold for $19.99 and can't imagine who would buy it.
Gary is still getting complaints from people who are pissed that their song parodies weren't chosen as finalists in the song parody contest. Some people are calling in thinking that Gary must have missed their song. They then start singing their songs on his voice mail. Howard told him that he should pull some of those to play on the air. Later in the show Howard did just that. He played some of the voice mails and took a call from a guy who thinks that Howard is lying about listening to all of the songs. Howard explained that they did listen to them all and it was a tough job. The guy still didn't believe it though. He thinks that his song was overlooked somehow.
Howard and the crew went out and saw the new movie ''Almost Famous'' last night. Howard said it was a really good movie and he really enjoyed seeing it. He and Gary both said how cute Kate Hudson is in the movie. Howard told a story about how me met Kate before he even knew who she was. He said that he was at a party and he thought he could hit on her. He didn't realize that she was only 20 years old and she was out of his age range. He did give her his number though but she never did call him. Howard also spent quite a bit of time playing some music from the movie which takes place between the 70's and 80's.
One of the reasons Leon is hard to understand is the fact that his false teeth were stolen... in 1981. Leon said that he's eventually going to have new ones made up but for now he doesn't have any. Howard asked him if they were gold teeth or something. He said they were just regular false teeth and there was no gold in there. Leon said that he lost his real teeth when he was in 7th grade. His teeth just went bad so they had to be pulled.
Howard spoke to Leon about his fight career and how he got started also. Leon mumbled through the whole interview. Howard took a few phone calls for Leon but most of them were just people goofing on Leon's speech impediment.
Howard also read that Paulina was picked as one of the smartest models ever. He wanted to see just how smart she was so he asked her a couple of questions. He asked her what C.O.D. meant and she didn't know. He asked her what the ''Manhattan Project'' was.. She didn't know. She did know that Ascorbic acid is Vitamin C though.
Howard also took a bunch of phone calls for her but most of them were just goofs. He also let her know that he's planning on going to this Betsy Johnson fashion show next week and wanted her opinion on what the women might think of him. He thinks they'll think he's a loser for going to the shows to watch the models. Paulina doesn't think they'll react in that way as long as he's not standing there drooling over the women. She did advise Howard to stay toward the back of the audience and wear dark glasses to keep a low profile though.
Howard also wanted to know what happened between him and David Letterman last year. Jamie explained how he told the producers some of the jokes he was going to do on the show and they were fine with them. Then when he did this joke about Bill Cosby doing booty calls Letterman told him that wasn't funny and made him look like a fool in front of millions of people. Jamie said that he was set up by the producers because they probably told Letterman and he decided to make him look like an idiot. He was upset with the whole thing for a while but he went back on the show about 2 weeks ago. Howard said he had a similar incident with Letterman back when OJ was first accused of killing Nicole. Howard told some OJ jokes and Letterman told him that he didn't think double murder was something to joke about. Then a couple days later Letterman was making jokes about OJ himself.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Jamie aobut his family and how he didn't know them very well. He was adopted by his grandmother. He said that since his mother was adopted by his grandmother and then he was adopted, that means he's actually his mother's brother.
Jamie also told Howard about an incident he had with LL Cool J during the shooting of ''Any Given Sunday''. The two of them were doing an argument scene together and they went a little too far. LL shoved Jamie so much that it bruised him and he ended up calling the cops on him. Jamie said he loved LL and he's not exactly sure what happened or why it happened. They may have just gotten in to their parts too much. Howard took a few phone calls for Jamie but there wasn't much interesting going on there.
At around 10:15 this woman called in and said that she wants to come in and show Howard her unshaven private parts. She says that she hasn't shaved at all in the past 3 years and now she wants Howard to see it. Howard quickly agreed to it and spoke to her for a couple of minutes. Her boyfriend kept interrupting with really goofy rhymes about people on the show. Howard seemed intrigued by the guy and said that he could come down with his girlfriend when she comes in. It turns out that it was the boyfriend who suggested that she not shave. He's in to hairy women. Howard found out that he even enjoys going down there to orally please her.. even with all of the nasty hair. We should be finding out more about this couple in the near future, stay tuned. Update: It turns out that this call was a phony phone call from Sal the Stockbroker. No hairy chick is coming in to show her private parts.
Finally, Howard is going to be having the special fashion show in the studio on Monday morning.. maybe. It all depends on the schedules of the Playboy models. If it does happen Howard wants 10 listeners to come down to watch it. It was too late in the show to do any kind of contest so Gary just suggested that they pick some callers who call in at 800-44-STERN. It may be too late to get in but it's worth a try.