-- Monday November 29, 1999 --
- Howard Talks About His Week Off. 11/29/99. 6:05am
Howard spent the first hour of the show talking about his vacation last week. He said that he even got some hate mail about some ''Best of Stern'' they ran last week. The mail was a complaint about Howard talking about his Vietnam experiences with Max Kinkle. The listener said that they will no longer listen to the show because of that discussion. Howard was talking about how he blew up a whole school full of Vietnamese kids and only got credit for one kill. What the listener doesn't get is that Howard is full of crap when he talks about 'Nam. He's goofing on everyone.
Howard also discussed his trip to a Metallica concert last Tuesday. He was seen there with model Angie Everhart and it was reported in the newspaper that he was backstage talking intimately with her. Howard said he was there with her but she's dating his friend Pat Minokia. Howard said the concert was the greatest one he's ever seen. After the concert he went out to a restaurant called Nobu with the people he went to the concert with. He saw Robert DeNiro there and spoke with rapper Ice Cube for a couple of minutes because he was there with a woman Howard hired to do his new TV show ''Son of the Beach.''
On Wednesday Howard said he took his daughter Ashley to see the Macy's parade balloons get blown up. He spent Thanksgiving with his whole family. He said it was kind of weird spending it with his ex-wife and her family though. Thursday night he took his daughter Emily to see ''Stomp'' in the city. He said that was really great also.
- Bobby Schriver Comes In. 11/29/99. 7:40am
Bobby Schriver, a Kennedy, came in to promote the album ''A Very Special Christmas Live!'' he produced for the holiday seasons to benefit the special olympics. Howard spent most of the interview trying to get some information about how the Kennedy fortune is spread through the family. Bobby wouldn't get into too many details about the money but hinted that there's more than enough money for him to live off of for the rest of his life. His mother, Eunice, was a Kennedy before she married Robert Sargeant Schriver, Bobby's father. Her family gets a cut of the Kennedy fortune. Howard asked Bobby about some of the women he's dated such as Mimi Rogers and Lauren Bissett. He was actually dating Lauren when she died in the airplane crash with Bobby's cousin John F. Kennedy Jr. Bobby said that she was a really great person. Robin pointed out that the Kennedy's are so used to tragedy that Bobby didn't get upset when he spoke about the plane crash. Howard tried over and over again to get Bobby to talk about where he gets his money and who controls it but Bobby wasn't saying much. He just told Howard that he's got people who invest it. Before Bobby left Howard had John Popper on the phone to talk about the album. Popper appears on the album playing harmonica with Eric Clapton. Popper said that the album was recorded at the White House and he was able to hug President Clinton thanks to Bobby. He said he hugged him really hard and actually lifted him off the ground. He told Howard when he lifted him up, Clinton made a funny noise. Howard played a clip of the song Popper and Clapton did together. He said that there are more bands on the album like Vanessa Williams, Sheryl Crowe, Run DMC and Jon Bon Jovi.
- Howard Gives Away A Trip. 11/29/99. 8:35am
Howard had a trip to some Sports Illustrated Sports awards show to give away this morning. To give it away he had KC come in to play ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire'' for a listener who called in. Howard got a listener on the phone and moved right on to the game. The caller had to guess whether or not KC would get the question correct. He had to get 3 out of 5 to win. Here are KC's questions:
The caller did win the trip after 4 questions. Howard asked KC a few more questions after the caller won. He didn't know when taxes are due but he did know that water freezes at 32 degrees.
|Question||Caller Says||KC's Answer||Correct?|
|How many members are in the U.S. Senate?||No||104||N|
|What does JFK stand for?||Yes||John Fitzgerald Kennedy||Y|
|What does IQ stand for?||No||Intelligence Quotient||Y|
|What is the square root of 64?||Yes||8||Y|
- Woman Evaluated By Chuck Zito, Norm Zeda And AJ Benza. 11/29/99. 8:45am
Howard had a woman scheduled to come in to be evaluated this morning. To judge the woman he had actor Chuck Zito, AJ Benza from E!'s ''Mysteries and Scandals'' and ''Perfect 10'' magazine founder Norm Zeda. Howard spoke to Chuck about the motorcycle crash he had a few months back. Chuck told Howard he broke his leg in 5 places after crashing his Harley a mile and a half from his home. He was on his way home from the Hamptons. He went around a corner, hit a pothole and his bike went flying out from under him. He said he was in severe pain and may have shed some tears. He said he'll get right back on a bike when his new one is ready to ride. Howard also spoke to AJ for a couple of minutes and of course the great Norm Zeda. He learned that Norm was a professional gambler and that's how me made his millions. Howard finally got around to bringing the woman in to be evaluated. When Maria came in everyone could tell she wasn't really into doing this. Howard asked her if she wanted to be in Playboy and she gave a very unenthusiastic ''Yes'' answer. It turns out she just came in to plug her web site. All the guys did a quick evaluation anyway. AJ said that there's no way she could be in Playboy and that she needs work on her breasts and legs. Howard asked him what kind of work. AJ said ''Well, short of amputation she needs to work out..'' Norm Zeda said that she really needs to lose a lot of weight and she wouldn't even be good enough for ''Perfect 10.'' Howard asked if she'd be good for ''Perfect 2.'' Even that was questionable. Chuck Zito said he thought she'd had enough evaluation so he didn't want to make it any worse. Maria got to plug her web site UDGirlsLive.com and the guy who brought her there also came in. He made up everything about her wanting to be evaluated. He just wanted to plug the web site. He also had Penthouse model Alexa Lauren with him who was going to plug PrePaidX.com but Howard was fed up with it all so he ended it.
After the evaluation Howard spent some more time with the guys. AJ told Howard a story about how he beat up a taxi cab driver after the guy spit on him. Norm told Howard that he doesn't believe in sleeping with women before marriage but he did have sex with a couple of the Perfect 10 models a while back. He also said he's going to build a mansion similar to the Playboy mansion for his Perfect 10 magazine. He said that Howard will be invited to the mansion. Before everyone left Howard found out that Chuck has his own web site now at ChuckZito.com. Chuck made him check it out on the air so he didn't argue. Chuck said his HBO show ''Oz'' starts back up in Februrary.
-- Tuesday November 30, 1999 --
- Various Time Killers. 11/30/99. 6:05am
Howard spent the first hour of the show on many various topics. He took a few phone calls and played some songs. One listener called in to talk about Pete Rose and Howard spent a few minutes talking about how Pete can get himself into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Howard also played one of his Backside Boys songs for a listener who requested it. At one point he played a country-sounding song for Robin that he liked and told her it was by Kid Rock. He also likes the new Nine Inch Nails single that's out now. Howard played Mark Harris' gay answering machine message for Robin also. Mark is recording answering machine messages to put on a CD sometime in the future.
- Gary Garver Celebrity Interviews. 11/30/99. 7:05am
Howard played tape of Gary Garver doing a couple of celebrity interviews out in California at some homeless Thanksgiving thing. Gary got Enrique Iglacias, Leeza Gibbons and David Schwimmer. Gary asked Enrique a few goofy questions and called him by a different name each time. He called him Ricky and Julio, confusing him for Ricky Martin and his father Julio Iglacias. Enrique didn't answer Gary's questions because they were so goofy. Leeza Gibbons was another story. She wouldn't shut up after Gary would ask her a question. He asked her something about whether or not there are enough black people on TV and she went on so long that Baba Booey had to cut the answer down. Leeza stayed with Gary through at least 10 questions including ''Does penis size matter?'' and answered them all. She told Gary that she was listening to Howard when he announced the separation from his wife and found it very touching. The final interview was with actor David Schwimmer. David was kind of ''pricky'', as Baba Booey called it, when the interview started but as soon as he found out Gary was from Howard's show he got all giddy. Gary asked him how they can solve the homeless problem and David didn't even try to answer it. He was all serious in the beginning of the interview and then he realized Gary was from the Stern show. He got all goofy and played along with the dopey questions. He told Gary he couldn't do the questions right then because the homeless thing was serious but he'd do it some other time.
- Big Foot Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire. 11/30/99. 7:40am
Seven foot five inch tall Matt McGroary, AKA Big Foot, came in this morning to play a quick game of ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' Howard told Big Foot that it looks like he's gained some weight since they saw him last. Big Foot swore that he's actually lost weight but Howard said he saw a gut on the guy. He told Howard that he's gotten a few jobs since moving out to Los Angeles including working on the Drew Carey show, The Pretender and other TV shows. He said he's not getting laid out there though. He came back to the east coast to visit his family for Thanksgiving. Howard got around to playing ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire'' but gave Matt a break on a couple of questions because he didn't know the answer. He didn't know the name of the guy who came up with the Polio vaccine or who played Emma Peale in ''The Avengers'' TV show so Howard just skipped them. Here are the three questions Matt got right:
Howard felt that he had to help Matt out because he's had a tough life. He didn't tell Matt that the Million Turkish Lira is worth less than $2 here in the U.S.
- Escargot is a French food which in reality is what? - Snails
- Tianinmin Square is located where? - China
- Who is Mickey Mouse's girlfriend? - Minnie Mouse
- Brad And Houston Prom Date Update. 11/30/99. 7:55am
Brad, the kid who got to go to his high school prom with porn star Houston, called in this morning to give Howard a quick update. He told him that they still get together when Houston comes to the area but he's not having sex with her. Howard asked how many times he did have sex. Brad told him it was only once. They're just doing the friend thing now. Brad also told Howard he graduated high school over the summer and is now in college at the College of Staten Island. Howard goofed on him for that a little bit and thanked him for the update.
- Pete Rose Comes In. 11/30/99. 8:15am
Ex-baseball player Pete Rose came in to plug a web site this morning. SportCut.com is running a survey on their site to find out whether or not people think Pete should be reinstated in the game of baseball. When Pete first came in Howard had just finished talking about how he'd been over in 'Nam. Pete told Howard that he was in Vietnam with Joe Dimaggio back in 1967 to entertain the troops. He said he had to give Joe a shower one time. He explained that since they were out in the jungle in a tent that they didn't have running water so he had to pour water on Joe so he could clean up. Howard just wanted to know if Pete ever sniffed Joe's fingers and if they smelled like Marilyn Monroe. Pete said that subject was off limits with Joe so he never spoke to him about it.
Howard also spent most of the interview talking about Pete not being allowed back in baseball or the Baseball Hall of Fame. Pete said the hall of fame thing is not that important to him. He said being reinstated in the game is the thing he wants. Howard gave him some advice and told him to just admit that he gambled on baseball, even though he didn't, just so they'd let him back in the game. Pete told Howard he's not going to do that because he didn't bet on the game. He admitted to betting on other sports but not baseball. Pete compared that to Howard admitting that he's a fag even though he's not. Howard quickly yelled out that he admits he's a fag.
Howard and Pete also spoke about the SportCut.com voting thing and about Pete's 10 year old daughter who's now an actress. Howard took some calls and a few people argued about Pete's betting habits. One guy said he always gave Pete the benefit of the doubt until he read the Dowd report on the web. Pete said that there are two sides to every story and his side hasn't been heard yet. Pete pointed out that in today's paper it's reported that the baseball executives will meet with his attorney to discuss his reinstatement. Pete said he has evidence that he never bet on Baseball and that will be brought up in the meeting.
Before Pete left Howard asked him why today's baseball players spit so much. Pete said it's because they're not chewing tobacco anymore, they're chewing sunflower seeds and spitting them out. They also discussed the recent interview with Jim Gray where Jim hounded Pete about his gambling. Pete said he was upset that Jim lied about the interview and didn't apologize to him after it.
- The Jack Gordon Circus. 11/30/99. 9:05am
Wacky Jack Gordon, Latoya Jackson's ex-husband, came in this morning with a bunch of his clients this morning. He's now a manager of so-called talent and he brought in a few examples of his people. Before getting to the circus Howard said that Jack has dyed his hair jet black and it looks ridiculous. The first act up was some guy who had parrots that are supposed to talk, sing and do other things. He demonstrated first with Beatrice the parrot. He spoke to it and tried to get it to sing ''Oh What a Beautiful Morning'' but it only sang one line. He tried the other bird and got it to do a chicken impression where it clucked for a couple of seconds. For some reason the birds were freaking out and starring at something. Howard said they were probably freaked out by Jack's jet black hair and beard. Since the birds weren't cooperating Howard moved on to the next act, Elvis Presley Jr.
Elvis Jr. claims to be the real Elvis' son and says he has proof. Howard told him ''You look exactly like.. you.'' He sang a little bit of ''Love Me Tender'' while Jackie threw some newspapers at him. Howard spent a minute talking to him but quickly moved on to the next act.
Up next was a group of annoying women who do magic tricks. Melrose Larry Green was their volunteer. They were going to chop off his head in a guillotine. Melrose is also one of Jack's clients. Gary said it looked like the girls were looking at the trick guillotine for the first time so it was kind of scary to Melrose. They first chopped a carrot in half then put Melrose in the thing. They did their trick but they were so annoying that Howard turned off their microphones so he wouldn't have to hear them anymore. He said this is the worst roster he's ever seen. He wrapped things up and gave out Jack's phone number in case anyone wants to book any of these acts. You can also visit ElvisJr.com to find out more about Elvis Jr. Jack's number is 702-598-2680.
-- Wednesday December 1, 1999 --
- Howard's Separation, Penis Lamp And Fartman. 12/1/99. 6:10am
Howard was talking about how his separation has been going pretty well so far this morning. He said that he now knows that he knows nothing about relationships after all of those years of giving advice to everyone else. He thought he had his wife in line all those years when he didn't. He when he's outside of show business he has no idea how to conduct his life.
While he was talking about that he mentioned that he had a lamp specially made by an artist for his apartment in the city. He told Robin that he saw the sketches of the lamp and it looked good but once it was made and put in his bedroom he had second thoughts. He looked at it once it was in his room and thought it looked way too much like a penis. He paid some outrageous amount of money for it but now it looks like he's going to get rid of it. He asked someone who was working in his apartment what he thought of it and the guy said it was weird.. like Howard. He doesn't know what to do with it but someone suggested that he auction it off to his listeners.
At one point a listener called in and asked Howard what's up with his ''Fartman'' movie. Howard basically said the movie is on hold once again. He has a script and two studios willing to do it but he's getting resistance from someone in his camp, probably his agent, who says it's not the right time to do it. He also told the listener that he's very busy with his production company and the TV shows he's putting together. Plus, he has custody of his kids a couple of days a week and he doesn't want to miss out on that while doing a movie.
- Michel Shows Her Star Quality. 12/1/99. 7:45am
This woman Michel, pronounced Mi-kel, came in this morning to show off her ''star quality'' to Howard. She contacted the show saying that she has this quality that just doesn't get noticed. Michel was a back up singer in a band but recently quit to do the solo thing. She came in dressed in a leopard skin coat, dress and head band. Howard said she has ''kooky eyes'' but she has a nice body. Howard wanted to see some more of her skin but she didn't want to take anything off for him. After a few minutes talking to Michel, Howard decided to play ''Who Wants To Get Naked'' with her. Gary came in with his prize list and was ready to offer her a bunch of stuff to take her top off. Howard offered her a trip for two to Las Vegas, 5 plays of her song during the show and to give her tape to a bunch of record industry big wigs. She kept telling Howard that she couldn't and wouldn't do it for anything. Howard had her husband come in to see if he could help her decide. Her decision was already made and she refused. Howard had her sing her song to see if, perhaps, her talent was so great that she wouldn't need the help getting noticed. The singing was interrupted with sound effects like Beetlejuice's puking sound, dogs barking and laughter. Jackie mooned her and she eventually stopped singing. Obviously she still needs Howard's help getting noticed. He spent another 10 minutes trying to get her top off. Gary offered her a couple of Tag Heuer watches on top of everything else but she didn't go for it. Gary reminded the 29 year old that she'll be 30 in the not too distant future and no one will want to look at her then. Howard found out that she was raised Catholic and that's probably what was holding her back. She kept saying that she has morals and wouldn't get naked. Her husband told Howard it took about 3 or 4 months to get in her pants so it wasn't easy. That was the end of it. Howard gave up and let them go. One listener called in and said he was glad she didn't get naked because Howard and the rest of the guys sounded like a bunch of losers trying to get her clothes off.
- Mark Harris Comes In. 12/1/99. 8:30am
The very flamboyant gay man, Mark Harris, came in this morning to plug his appearances at Caroline's on Broadway starting in February. He'll be MC'ing some kind of singing thing. The first thing Howard did with Mark was play ''Who Wants To Be A Gay Turkish Millionaire.'' He had 5 questions for Mark and if he got them all right he's win. Here are some of the questions:
Mark wasn't sure about the Tom Hanks movie so Howard had some wacky person come in who was waiting to get on the show to help Mark.
- Liza Minelli's first husband was who? - Peter Allen
- How much semen does a man produce in an ejaculation, 5, 10 or 15 cc's? - 10 cc's
- What gay movie starred Tom Hanks?
Ara Trip, a transsexual, wanted to get on the show to complain about how he/she was arrested for getting topless or something like that. Howard spoke to the barely feminine sounding oddball for a few minutes. She/he showed Howard it's breasts and fake vagina. Howard said the breasts were on the side of his or her body. Eventually Howard got he or she to give Mark some help with the question about the Tom Hanks movie. Ara said it was ''Saving Private Ryan'' but Mark didn't want to take that answer. Howard then kicked Ara out of the studio and had Mark give it his best guess. He said something about Philadelphia to Howard took that answer. Howard then completed the game with these questions:
Mark didn't quite get the gay church thing but it didn't matter at this point. The answer was ''Half the congregation is kneeling.'' Mark won his million so Howard moved on to other things.
- How do you tell a gay church?
- What actor sued Chevy Chase for calling him gay? - Carey Grant
Howard pointed out that Mark has gained some weight but Mark swore he lost 10 pounds. His dyed, jet black hair was also standing out today. Howard asked Mark about Senator John McCain who he's supporting for President and how he knows him. Mark said McCain was helpful in getting the medal of freedom for his wife Martha Ray a few years ago. Now he's writing songs for him. It was possible that McCain was going to call in during the interview but it didn't happen. Howard moved on to Martha Ray and how Mark had sex with her. Mark said she didn't need any help getting ''excited'' for him and no external lubrication was needed. Howard found that very hard to believe.
Howard decided, for some strange reason, to play ''Who Wants To Get Naked'' with Mark. He offered Mark a half hour meeting with the Vice President of CBS Late Night Broadcasting, Vinnie Favale, if he'd get naked. Long story short, Mark won't get naked for anything because he doesn't want to embarrass his family! Vinnie was at the station so he came in and for the next 20 minutes he and Howard talked to Mark about what he does when he dates a man. Mark said that he does not enjoy kissing men but he'll do just about everything else. He spent most of the time describing how he and his friend David took a shower together without any foreplay. There's no kissing according to Mark. They just head straight for the shower and do it. Howard took a bunch of phone calls and most of them were against Mark and his gay stories. One guy said he thinks he needs to get an AIDS test just from hearing Mark talk about all of that crap. It was a very gay discussion and it seems like not many people wanted to hear it. If you want to contact Mark you can probably still get a hold of him by e-mail at HarrisSite@aol.com.
-- Thursday December 2, 1999 --
- Various Discussions. 12/2/99. 6:05am
Howard and the gang spent the first hour or so of the show talking about various things. Gary told Howard about his experience at a Lifebeat AIDS charity concert last night watching all of the bands entourage's pushing each other around.
Howard complained about Tom Chiusano not allowing him to lock his studio after he found out that people are just allowed to walk in and do whatever they want to. He was looking for a bottle of water this morning and when he complained to KC about it he was told that people just come in and take the bottles he leaves in there. He was under the impression that he would be able to keep people out of this new studio when they moved in but Tom refuses to allow them to lock it. That's one of the reasons Howard hates Tom.
Last night there was an E! Entertainment Christmas party so that was also discussed this morning. Scott the Engineer was the DJ there and Howard's buddy Ralph called in to complain about him. He said he was playing really bad music the whole night. This discussion eventually led to Benjy's weird behavior at Scores. Ralph said he heard that Benjy was pleasuring himself at Scores last night when he was there. Benjy denied that he did it last night but he wouldn't deny doing it at some other time. To make a long story short, he has had an accident while getting a lap dance at another club. Stuttering John explained that he was doing an appearance at a club and he was goofing on Benjy's weight. When he lifted up his shirt there was a big stain on his sweat pants. It turned out that he had an accident while getting a lap dance. This led to Howard learning even more weird information about Benjy. He discussed how he gets hand manipulation from hookers quite often. He said he can make really great deals with them and can get stuff for $10 or even just a meal. He said they're not attractive though. He said one hooker is really fat and has a moustache but he offered to give her a rub down anyway. Benjy spoke about this stuff like it was an everyday thing for him. He said he doesn't get it very often but it might be a couple of times a week.
- Gary Garver Interviews Daryl Strawberry. 12/2/99. 7:35am
Howard played tape of Gary Garver interviewing baseball player Daryl Strawberry. He got through about 3 tame questions but then whacked Daryl in the face with a bad one. Here are some of the questions:
Daryl was doing great until that last one. Howard even audibly cringed when he heard that question. Then Garver yells out ''What do you think of Howard Stern?'' as Daryl was walking away. Daryl said something like ''I was being nice to you.. How could you do that to me?'' as he walked away from Gary.
- Do you have any pre-game good luck rituals?
- Do you think Pete Rose should be allowed in the Hall of Fame?
- Have you re-signed with the Yankees yet?
- How's your ass cancer doing?
- Howard's Favorite New Toy - TiVo. 12/2/99. 7:45am
Howard was telling everyone how when Robin came over to his apartment last night they were comparing audio/video systems and Howard was the underdog until he showed her his TiVo personal TV server. He explained that the TiVo is a self contained unit that can record about 10 hours of video on it's own hard drive. It doesn't use tapes like a VCR. He said what's really cool about it is that you can tell it to record your favorite shows on a special menu it has and it'll remember to do it each week. You can also pause a live show, run to the bathroom and when you come back you can pick up where you left off. The TiVo keeps recording the show even while you have it on pause. Gary came in and also said he's been using his since June and loves it. He said the thing will even suggest shows that you might want to watch based on other shows you tell it you enjoy. He also said that you can hit a button on the remote and it'll rewind 8 seconds so you can catch a line you missed or something like that. Gary also corrected Howard and said that you can upgrade the system to record up to 30 hours of shows. Howard said he's going to give them as gifts this year. Robin said when she saw this thing she had to get one. Howard blew her away when he showed her this thing.
- Betty And Julie's Playboy Photo Shoot. 12/2/99. 8:15am
This 27 year old woman Betty wants to be in Playboy so she came in to be evaluated this morning. Betty is an elementary school teacher in Pennsylvania. She came in and spoke to Howard for a little bit. Howard said she's really hot for a teacher. She told Howard that the friend that came with her, Julie, also wants to get in Playboy. The two of them have done some lesbian stuff together but they're both married. Howard had Betty change into a bikini so he could take some pictures of her. He talked to Julie while Betty was getting ready. She also wanted her picture taken by Howard so she went and got changed. There wasn't much of an evaluation going on but when Betty came back in they gave her the once over before taking pictures. Betty said her breasts are pretty small. Howard agreed and said she might need implants to make her hips look smaller but advised her not to get them. Howard went on to take some digital pictures of the girls. He had the camera hooked up to a TV screen so he could see them instantly. They also had some elevator music playing in the background the whole time. Betty showed Howard her naked breasts and even though they were small Howard said he liked the shape. Julie has implants and said that she wanted to plug Dr. Sal Calabro's site because he did the work. Her before and after photos are available at SalCalabro.com. Howard told her she might need to lose a couple of pounds if she wants to be in a magazine. She also had a bad tattoo on her belly. Jackie said it looked like hair. After some coaxing he got the girls to kiss each other for a photo also. They didn't want to do it there in the studio but eventually they did. After the photo shoot Howard told them he'd send the pictures off to Playboy, Perfect 10 magazine and Penthouse. The girls left and Howard wondered how they'd do at ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' He invited Betty back in to play because he thought she might not be teacher material.
- Betty Plays ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' 12/2/99. 8:40am
Betty the school teacher came back in, still in a bikini, to play ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' Howard learned that she was a Penn State graduate. Lets see what she knows:
She was stumped by that one! She said ''The U.S... America.'' No one could believe their ears. Howard gave her the chance to use a lifeline.. Her friend Julie. The two of them discussed it for a few seconds and Julie gave the correct answer of France. Howard asked her ''What is Bill Clinton's middle name?'' and she didn't know it so he threw that one out. He then asked her ''Who created Huckleberry Finn?'' and she didn't know that one either. She knew who wrote ''Little House on the Prarie'' so Howard gave her that. He then asked her ''What's the square root of 81?'' and she quickly answered ''Nine.'' Howard gave her the Million Turkish Lira but continued to ask her questions. Gary asked her ''What 3 boats did Columbus come over on?'' she said ''The Nina, Pinta and Santa Marie'' which was close enough for Howard. She didn't know who's picture is on a $5 bill but she almost got ''What does FDR stand for?'' when she said ''Franklin Delanore Roosevelt.'' Howard decided to stop playing the game after questioning Betty for 10 minutes. Julie was going to play but Howard was done with it all.
- What country gave us the Statue of Liberty?
- Glenda Green Plugs ''Love Without End, Jesus Speaks.'' 12/2/99. 9:05am
This woman Glenda Green called in to talk about her book ''Love Without End : Jesus Speaks'' with Howard. Howard said Glenda, an artist, wrote the book after talking to Jesus over a span of 4 months or so after her home burned down in 1989. Howard said she lives in Arizona and that the sun is very strong there so perhaps she was hallucinating. Glenda said it wasn't a hallucination. She told Howard how she was hearing this voice for quite a while but thought it was just because she was under so much stress from her home burning down. She eventually gave in and came to believe that it was Jesus talking to her. She told Howard that Jesus has a very low, baritone, english speaking voice without an accent. She even painted a picture of him which is on the back of her book. Howard checked it out and said he looked most like a young Kevin Costner with a lot of hair. In her book Glenda claims that Jesus watched ''Bonanza'' with her. She also claims that he spoke to her cat and said ''Hi Gunner.'' Howard made a couple of cracks during the phone interview but they went right over Glenda's head. He also took some phone calls and pretty much everyone goofed on her. Callers included Satan, Santa Claus and even Jesus himself. Glenda claims that she was taught about some kind of ''Atomentine particles'' by Jesus and some scientist came to visit her to learn more about them. Just before getting off the phone Howard asked Glenda if she's ever been hospitalized.. She said no. Howard said maybe it's time. You can visit Glenda's web site at LoveWithoutEnd.org.
- ''The 12 Days Of Christmas'' With Wack Packers. 12/2/99. 9:45am
Howard kicked off the Christmas holiday season by playing a new version of ''The 12 Days Of Christmas'' done by Crackhead Bob, Elephant Boy, Croy and Beetlejuice the dwarf. He only made it through about 7 days of Christmas before he turned it off. Crackhead Bob has trouble remembering words so most of his ''On the first day of Christmas'' is him just humming. Beetlejuice wasn't having much luck with the words either. I'm sure we'll hear more of the song as we get closer to Christmas.
-- Friday December 3, 1999 --
- Drunken Canadians Mike And Serge. 12/3/99. 6:30am
Howard was taking some phone calls this morning when he got an angry caller on the phone. The drunken guy, Serge, told Howard that he was boring the people of Toronto. Howard listened to him and told the guy that he was just as boring so together they were boring the whole audience. The guy's friend, Mike, then got on the phone and told Howard not to pay attention to him because he'd had too much to drink. Howard spoke to the guy for a minute and tried to get rid of him but they just kept talking about their drinking and various other things. After a few minutes Howard decided to see how smart Mike was by playing ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' He asked Mike a couple of questions to see how smart he was. Here's what they asked him:
He didn't know the feet in a yard question but he had the excuse that they use the metric system up in Canada. Needless to say, he didn't win the million Turkish Lira. It took him like 2 minutes to answer the yard question and even his buddy Serge didn't do much good. Howard finally got rid of the guys after the game.
- Spell ''Pamphlet'' - PAMPHLET
- How many feet are in a yard? - 12, 50, 100, 25
- Las Vegas Trip Giveaway. 12/3/99. 7:00am
A listener called in and requested a song to be played called ''nig*er Claus.'' The song was played last year and the guy remembered it so he got Howard to play some of it. After the song the guy asked if he could play a game to win a prize. Howard had a Las Vegas trip to give away so he had the guy play ''Dead or Alive.'' This is the game where Gary reads a celebrity name and the caller has to guess whether or not they're dead or alive. KC was going to do some death trivia but the caller wasn't into it. The caller was good and got all of his guesses correct. Here are the celebrities he guessed at:
The guy wanted to play for more prizes but when he heard that he'd lose his trip to Vegas if he got any wrong he decided not to risk it. They let him play for nothing though. The last two names brought up were:
- Johnny Cash - Alive
- Gene Rayburn - Dead
- Scatman Cruthers - Dead
- Don Adams - Alive
- Forrest Tucker - Dead
- The Gossip Game With The Penthouse Pet Of The Year. 12/3/99. 7:40am
Penthouse Pet of the Year Juliette Cariaga came in this morning to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game. Howard got right to the game because Mike was waiting on the phone. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
Howard, Robin, Jackie and Fred all picked number 2 as the false story. Juliette picked number 1 as the false. The actual false story was number three so there were no winners this week. Mike plugged his book ''Malicious Intent : A Hollywood Fable'', his TV show and the National Enquirer before getting off the phone.
- Jodi Foster got upset when asked for an autograph and told the guy to get away from her.
- Ally McMeal producers have hired a nutritionist to put some weight on, not Calista Flockhart but her co-star Courtney Thorne Smith because she's too thin.
- While in England shooting ''Sleepy Hollow'' Johnny Depp tried picking up a woman in a pub. He had to flee out a bathroom window when the woman's boyfriend heard he was hitting on her.
- Whoopi Goldberg insisted on being shot straight on while appearing on the Donny and Marie show recently because she thinks her ass is getting too big.
After the game Howard spent a while talking to Juliette about her life and Penthouse. Juliette turns 22 years old on Sunday. Howard said he'd have to bang her before then or she'd be too old for him. Howard read some of the interesting stuff off her fact sheet. He learned that she worked in a vinegar factory when she was 18. She was discovered by a Penthouse scout in some club. She was asked out by Marilyn Manson but didn't go out with him. Then Howard learned that she's bi-sexual. He then went on to interrogate her on that tasty tidbit. She told him that she had her first lesbian kiss at 15. She had sex with a guy at 16 and at 18 she had her first lesbian sex. She told Howard the story of how she had sex with her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend at his apartment. She went into every little detail as Howard took it all in. She said that she was seduced by the other woman but she was ready for it. It had been 3 years since her first lesbian kiss. Her boyfriend was in the room asleep on a couch while they did their thing. She said the other woman was naked while she was topless in her panties. She said her tongue got tired from all the work she did. She still sleeps with guys though. She said it's only been a few weeks since having sex with a guy. After enjoying that story Howard asked her about the Pet of the Year thing that she won. She's featured in the January 2000 issue of Penthouse. She said she won a Penthouse key and $100,000 for the honor. She stuck around while Howard played Stuttering John's celebrity interviews...
- Stuttering John Celebrity Interviews. 12/3/99. 8:15am
Stuttering John was getting ready to go have his ass operated on this morning so Howard wanted to get to these celebrity interviews before he left. A little earlier Howard spoke to John about his anal fistula which is causing him great pain. John said his ass has been bleeding and pus has been coming out of it for some time now. His doctor looked at it recently and said they have to operate on it to fix 'er up. He said he has to be awake during the operation so Howard told him he should call in so they can hear it going on. John said he'd try to do that later in the show when he's at the Doctor's office.
John was out at some Sports Illustrated event and got a couple of celebrity interviews. Howard played the tape and here's what they had. Athlete Carl Lewis once sang a really bad version of the Star Spangled Banner which Howard played for us to remind everyone about it. John's first question was ''Will you be singing here tonight?'' Lewis got pissed right away and asked John what his point was.. over and over again. He then walked away from him. Up next was tennis star Billy Jean King. John asked her a couple of questions then asked her about why there are no Jews in tennis. King went on to rattle off a bunch of tennis players who are Jews. She was a good sport and hung in through a couple of lesbian references before running off. Last up was sports announcer Jerry Glanville. John asked him if he'd be in a golf tournament with OJ and ''Why do so many black football players marry white women?'' Jerry answered them no problem and told a story about how he doesn't see black people as being black. But then John asked Jerry ''Have you ever farted in the team therapy tub?'' and he got pissed. He said to John ''I don't think you're a good person!'' and walked away.
Juliette was still hanging around so Howard spoke to her some more. He asked her if she'd date him. She was very hesitant and said it would depend on how Howard asked her out.
- Steve The Quadriplegic Who Dated Erika Elainiak. 12/3/99. 8:50am
About a month ago actress Erika Elainiak told Howard about this guy she dated who was a Quadriplegic. Today that guy, Steve, came in to talk to Howard about their relationship. When Steve came wheeling in Howard said that he's not that good looking to have such a hot girlfriend. Steve sounded offended by that comment but he took it pretty well. He disagreed and said he looked in the mirror and saw different. Steve went on to tell Howard how he met the beautiful Erika Elainiak. He was in a wheelchair shopping when Erika came up to him and gave him her phone number. He said he was paralyzed at age 14 when he dove in to a creek that was too shallow. He sued the camp he was attending and the state and was awarded some money. He continued to tell Howard how he had sex with Erika within a short period of time and within 3 weeks he was engaged to her. He told Howard he has no problem getting aroused and he has about 80% sensation down there. He had it made with Erika but then he blew it when he cheated on her! He gave a quick vague explanation about how some woman was staying with him and he got caught with her. He also said that Erika may have cheated on him with Scott Baio but he didn't have any proof. He told Howard he doesn't have a problem picking up women now and he has another hot girlfriend now. He also had a thing with Drew Barrymore when he was younger. He said she was in her teens when he was with her. He was in his 20's at the time. He didn't go into too many details for obvious reasons. Howard told Steve that he's an inspiration to every guy who can't get a woman. Steve plugged a couple of things before he left. He has something to do with the Century Club in Century City, California and his father owns Santa Monica BMW.
- Howard's New Star Leila Arcieri Comes In. 12/3/99. 9:25am
Howard's got a new show in production that will air on the FX cable channel in March. The show, ''Son of the Beach'', will star Tim Stack and this beautiful black woman Leila Arcieri (spelling is probably wrong). Leila came in this morning to plug her calendar. Howard has been talking about how great Leila is for the past couple of weeks. He recently told a story about how he ran into her at the Nobu restaurant in New York City the other day. He said that she was there with a bunch of black guys including rapper Q-Tip. At the time he had to go over to her table to talk to her because she wouldn't come over to his. Howard is really taken with her and said that no only is she really good looking but she can act really well. He kissed her ass for 25 minutes or so this morning. Howard wasn't too happy that she's doing this calendar thing. He told her he was putting her in a hit show and he wants to class up her act a bit. She put the calendar together with a woman who does a show on ESPN 2 called ''Gotta Sweat.'' The calendar is called Exotic Spices and you can find out more at ExoticSpices.net. Howard said that Leila is even better looking than Carmen Electra. She also appears in some new Q-Tip music video so keep your eyes open for that on MTV.
- Stuttering John Live From The Operating Table. 12/3/99. 10:10am
Stuttering John called in live from the operating table in his doctors office during Robin's news. John told Howard that he was lying face down on the operating table waiting for his Proctologist to put him under for his fistula operation. John put his doctor on the phone so Howard could speak to him about what caused John's problem. Howard says it's because John pushes and tries to go to the bathroom too much when he should just wait until he really has to go. The doctor disagrees with Howard and said that it's not from what Howard says. He said it's a blockage of some gland that gets infected. Howard insists that it's John's bathroom habits that caused the problem. John got back on the phone and Howard wanted him to stay on while they put him under but the doctor wouldn't allow it. We'll find out Monday if John made it through his ordeal.