-- Monday November 15, 1999 --
- Howard's Trip To Los Angeles. 11/15/99. 6:25am
Howard spent the first part of the show talking about his trip out to Los Angeles this weekend. He started off saying how he usually flys on American Airlines but they were all booked so he had to fly United. He said the flight was fine but the food was really bad. He ate some of it just because he was starving but it was pretty much inedible. He didn't see too many celebrities on the flight but did talk to Leah Thompson from ''Caroline in the City'' at the airport. He didn't say much about that conversation though. He saw Gore Vidal on the flight out but didn't recognize him because he was so fat. The flight attendant told Howard that Gore asked who he was and when she told him he had something to say but Howard didn't want to hear it. Howard spent Friday night casting for the new show he's producing ''Son of the Beach.'' He said they found almost the whole cast and had a read through on Saturday. They just need to cast one more person and they'll be set to start shooting on December 13. Howard also went to a couple of parties on Saturday night but had to go to the hotel and go to sleep early. Howard went to one of the parties because he heard that Heidi Fleiss and Victoria Sellers would be there. He saw both and Victoria showed him her thong underwear. Sunday Howard flew home on American Airlines and saw Jennifer Aniston but didn't talk to her. He said she knew he was on the plane and she didn't come over to him and he wasn't going to make a fool out of himself by going over to her. He said she looked really good and her ass was really tight (she was wearing spandex). He said her ass was talking to him as she walked by. He said her body was great but she has a little bit of a ''Butter Face''.. everything looks good but her face. That was pretty much the whole story of his trip out to the west coast.
- Porn Trip Winner Jason Comes In. 11/15/99. 7:05am
Back in June Howard had a contest where they gave away a porno trip. The winner of that trip, Jason, came in this morning to tell Howard what happened there. Jason lost his virginity on the trip to a porn actress by the name of Barrett Moore. She also came in to talk about what happened down there. Jason said as soon as he got to the hotel there were women giving oral sex to each other as they greeted guests. Somehow Playboy got a hold of Jason and wanted him to shoot a porno for them as he lost his virginity. They hooked him up with Barrett. Barrett told Howard that she's been in the business for about a year and a half and has shot over 100 movies. The two of them talked about their sex session and we learned that Jason held out an amazing hour and 40 minutes! It may have had to do with the fact that he took half of a Viagra pill earlier in the day. Jason didn't think that was it but he wasn't sure. They said they did about 5 positions together. Jason said he also got oral from 3 others during his stay on the trip but Barrett was the only one he got sex from. He even played some nude twister and other games down there. You can find out more about these porn trips from SMSPromotions.com and more about Barrett at InTheAss.com
- Who Wants To Win A Million Turkish Lira? 11/15/99. 7:45am
A bunch of Playboy Lingerie models came in this morning to promote a special they're going to be on tomorrow night. Howard decided to play his own version of the ''Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'' game called ''Who Wants To Win A Million Turkish Lira.'' Howard had the million turkish lira bills right there and said they're probably worth about $1.98. Each Playboy model would come in and get 3 questions to answer. If they got all 3 correct they'd win the million Turkish Lira. First up was 23 year old Brooke Richards, Playboy Playmate for December 1999. Howard was really impressed with her. He yelled out ''Oh Man!'' when she came in. She was wearing a bra with garter belt and panties. Her chest was huge and she claims that it's all natural. Howard soon started the game. Here were Brooke's questions:
Brooke was unable to win the million Turkish Lira so Howard moved on to the second model, 21 year old Tiffany Taylor. Tiffany has been on the show in the past. Today she was wearing a hot pink outfit. Howard quickly moved on to the questions..
- If you're standing on the Golden Gate Bridge, what city are you in? - San Francisco - Correct
- Where was Ghandi from? - Germany - Incorrect
Tiffany not only won the one million Turkish Lira, she showed her breasts to Howard and got an extra million! Up next was Nicole Wood. Howard spoke to her a minute then asked her the questions for the Lira:
- What singer was referred to as 'Old Blue Eyes'? - Frank Sinatra - Correct
- How do we know the name John Wilkes Booth? - He shot Lincoln - Correct
- What is the capital of New York State? - Albany - Correct
Howard threw out the question ''What did Henry Ford invent?'' because the answer his brilliant crew came up with was ''The Car.'' He didn't invent the car, he came up with the idea of the assembly line. Nicole also showed Howard her breasts so she got one million Turkish Lira for that. Last but not least was 30 year old Becky Dellasantos. No one could believe she was 30. Robin said she looked 12. Becky was wearing red bra and panties. Here are her questions:
- What country has a famous leaning tower? - Italy - Correct
- What President is on the face of a $1 bill? - George Washington - Correct
- Sachmo was the nickname for who? - Sasquatch - Incorrect
Becky didn't win anything but Howard asked her a few more quick questions just for the hell of it. She got a couple correct and a couple wrong. The Playboy Lingerie special airs Tuesday, November 16 at 10pm. You can find out more at Playboy.com
- The aorta is located in what part of the body? - The heart - Correct
- What part of the body is the femur located in? - The thigh - Correct
- Who shot Lee Harvey Oswald? - Don't know - Incorrect
- Arnold Schwarzenegger Comes In. 11/15/99. 8:20am
Movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger came in this morning to promote his latest movie ''End of Days'' which opens November 24. As soon as Arnold came in he started blowing smoke up Howard's ass. He told him that it looks like he's bulked up since his ''Private Parts'' movie poster was shot. He said the muscles were just bulging right out of his arms. It didn't take long for Howard to start asking Arnold about his penis. He started asking him about whether or not it was a conscious decision to show it in ''Pumping Iron.'' Arnold was just amazed at how many times Howard mentioned the word ''Penis'' within such a short amount of time. Arnold thinks he was doing it all just to get the ratings up but Howard said he just wanted to know about it. Howard eventually got off that subject and asked him if it was true that he bought an $80 million jet. Arnold said he did but he doesn't use the 747 for personal use. The 747 is being leased to an airline for 10 years. Arnold flys on smaller executive jets when he's on business. He told Howard he's not even sure how much that costs him. Howard brought up his own separation during the conversation and Arnold said he was sorry to hear about it. Howard said Arnold wasn't aware of it until Gary mentioned it to him. Then Howard found out that Gary told Arnold that Howard likes to talk about the separation on the air. Howard probably would have gone off on Gary if Arnold wasn't around but he continued to talk about other things. Arnold spent time talking about his family life growing up and how his father was very strict. He said he was strict but it gave him his inner strength. Howard also spoke to Arnold about his wife Maria Schriver. Arnold told Howard that he gets turned on more now than he has in the past and has sex more also. Howard found that very hard to believe but Arnold swore that it was true. He said he doesn't have to masturbate because he gets plenty of sex from his wife. This is after 13 years of marriage. Howard kept saying that it couldn't be true so Arnold told him to ''Stop being a jealous bitch!'' After talking about all of that stuff and more, Arnold had to talk about his new movie ''End of Days.'' Howard saw the movie and said it was really good and Arnold is back to doing what he does best, Action. Howard was actually asleep at the first screening but it had nothing to do with the movie. He went to a second screening and stayed up through the whole thing and enjoyed it. As Arnold was leaving he told Howard one last thing.. ''I'll Be Back!''
-- Tuesday November 16, 1999 --
- Chance The Hermaphrodite Dead. 11/16/99. 6:05am
Howard announced first thing this morning that Chance the Hermaphrodite died and won't be appearing on the show. He didn't give any details about the death. All he said was that he's been promoting Chance as coming soon to the show but now he/she's dead. A very strange announcement.
- Gary's Important News For Howard. 11/16/99. 6:20am
Howard told a story about how Gary, in his strange way, had some very important news to tell him yesterday. He said Gary came in the office and said he had to close the door. He said he received a phone call from the National Enquirer. They said that they've been offered some pictures of Howard out to dinner with his ''Private Parts'' co-star Mary McCormack. Howard spoke about this already and said he was out to dinner with her and his agent and a bunch of other people. Apparently there were photographers outside of the restaurant and they snapped pictures of both of them coming out and now they're offering them to the tabloids. Howard explained it to Gary and he told the Enquirer the story so they're probably not going to run the pictures. Howard said he's thinking that he should take Joan Rivers out to dinner and have her pretend to make out with him to give the photographers something to take pictures of. He said he was discussing business with Mary.
- Stuttering John Makes Anne Marie Puke. 11/16/99. 6:35am
Show logger Anne Marie came in and told Howard a story about how Stuttering John made her puke yesterday. Ann Marie, an animal lover, was sick yesterday and had taken some medication that had made her nauseous. Then she was talking to Stuttering John and asked how his cat was doing. He told her, with a straight face, that he killed it because he couldn't find a home for it. He was kidding but Ann Marie didn't know that. She thought about it and it made her even sicker than she was. She had to run to the bathroom to throw up. When she came back she found out that John was kidding about killing the cat. John thought it was pretty funny that she threw up but said he was sorry. Howard told Ann Marie that John should have been doing his job at the time, not doing his own show in the office.
- Tom Arnold's Marriage Advice. 11/16/99. 6:50am
Actor Tom Arnold called Gary's voice mail and left a message for Howard. In the message he told Howard what to expect to happen now that he's separated. He said that Howard will probably go out and find some woman who's like his wife but he won't find that. He'll soon discover that he can't find another woman like Alison and he'll reconcile with her. Tom then said that Howard will start going out more with Alison and think that it was selfish not to do more with her before. After listening to the call Howard said that ''This is the worst fall out yet!'' regarding his separation. Now he's getting marriage advice from someone who's marriage failed after just a couple of years. Tom didn't go out and find a woman like Roseanne, he found a young, thin, beautiful woman so Howard doesn't know what the hell Tom is talking about.
- Stuttering John Celebrity Interviews. 11/16/99. 8:15am
Stuttering John was out some first amendment celebration last night. He got a few interviews but there were more people who didn't want to be interviewed.. at a free speech celebration! First up was G. Gordon Liddy. John asked him questions like:
Liddy stuck with John through the questions and answered them. He told John he wouldn't have had homo sex and he wasn't anyone's girlfriend in prison and he didn't have one either. Up next was Rosie Perez. Here are some of the questions:
- Who will you support for President?
- Would you have had homosexual sex to help Nixon?
- Were you someone's girlfriend in prison?
Rosie said her breasts are real and wouldn't let John touch them. She said that Spanish women are less inhibited than white women, that's why they're better in bed. She didn't comment on Jennifer Lopez, she just laughed at the questions. She also doesn't think much of the ''Latin explosion.'' She said it's more like a couple of firecrackers. She stuck through most of the questions but was eventually pulled away from John. The next interview was with actor Delroy Lindel (sp?). Delroy didn't stick around too long. Here are some of the questions John asked:
- Are they (breasts) real? - Can I touch them?
- Why are Spanish women better in bed than white women?
- Do you think Jennifer Lopez had liposuction?
- Why don't you have a big ass like Jennifer Lopez?
- Why are you not a part of the new Latin explosion?
- Have you ever been to a cock fight?
- Have you or anyone you know ever stolen a hubcap?
Delroy kiddingly said he was Denzel Washington and was offended by John's dopey questions. After the masturbation question he was pulled away by his people. Next up was singer Joan Osbourne. She had a hit song that went something like ''What if God was one of us..'' so John's first question was:
- Who are you?
- Have I seen you in something?
- Have you ever smoked marijuana?
- Have you ever been in rehab?
- How often to you masturbate?
Joan said that she gets asked the god question often but didn't have an answer. She's not related to Ozzy and she said she feels sorry for Howard but his wife must have suffered for a long time. John also asked her what's new with her and she said she has a new album. She ended up singing to John for a couple of minutes. After the anal sex question she was out of there. Up next was Ben Stiller. John asked him a bunch of questions about celebrities who have gotten into show business because their parents have been celebrities. Ben said he couldn't really comment because he's the same way. John also asked him if there would be a ''Cable Guy 2.'' Ben stood there and took it all pretty good. John made sure to kiss his ass telling him he's a ''Big Fan'' over and over again. The final interview was with Joel Siegal. John asked him ''What do you think of Howard Stern?'' and Joel said he thinks he's a good actor. He went on to talk to John for a few minutes about his battle with prostate cancer and how great marijuana is as a medication.
- Is God one of us?
- Are you related to Ozzy?
- What do you think of Howard Stern?
- Do you allow yourself to be photographed while on your period?
- Do you enjoy anal sex?
- Head Injury Bob Plays ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' 11/16/99. 8:50am
A star is born! Howard had this new guest by the name of Head Injury Bob come in to play ''Who Wants to be a Turkish Millionaire'', the game they started yesterday. Also in was a stripper by the name of Teddi Barrett who has double P breasts. She was playing the part of the dramatic lighting system that goes off each time Howard mentions the million Turkish Lira. Howard said they had to return the lighting set they were renting for $1000 a day so they were stuck with a stripper holding a flashlight today. Bob came in and told Howard that he was in a car accident while driving drunk in the rain. He hit a telephone pole and broke his neck. It caused a brain stem injury which makes him slow to react to anything. He talks slow and deep kind of like the ''Sling Blade'' movie character. Bob had some interesting stuff to say about his penis and the implant he had. He had an implant put in so he could get an erection. The first one made his penis bend in half at a 90 degree angle. The second one leaked fluid into his scrotum and caused an infection. He found that out when he tried to bang a disabled woman who had feet growing out of her butt. Now he claims to not have any penis. He said he needs money to get a new one. Howard said they're giving him $200 to cover his insurance deductible. The one million Turkish Lira is only worth about $2 US so that isn't going to help. We also learned that Bob was whoring himself out to disabled and elderly people. He claimed that he banged women between the ages of 45 and 86. He said his biggest pay day was $40 from the 86 year old and the sex was ''gross.'' He said he wouldn't accept oral sex from the women because ''teeth scare me'' because of his penis implant. Right now he's unable to have sex because of his penis troubles.
Howard finally got to the game so Bob could try to win his million Turkish Lira. Here are the questions:
Bob needed help on the first question so Teddi gave her answer of ''British''. He had a little trouble with the USA question but got it right. The third question he had no trouble with so he won the lira. I doubt that he knew the true value because he was thrilled to win it. He gave out a half assed ''Woooo..Alright!'' Howard also decided to give Teddi a try at the million Lira. Here are her questions:
- Who did America fight in 1776?
- What does U.S.A. Stand for?
- What was the intern's name who got Bill Clinton in trouble?
Teddi didn't know the first question but Bob helped her out with the correct answer of ''Hinkley.'' She got the next two questions correct and also won a million lira. She was also thrilled to win the money, not knowing it's only worth 2 bucks. Before the two of them left Howard had Benjy come in. Benjy ran in to Teddi at a sex club the other day. He said she wasn't interested in him. Benjy did get a hand job from a woman at the club and didn't think it was odd. He said it's no different than getting a lap dance at Scores. Gary and Howard had to point out to him that it is weird because you become the center of attention while someone's manipulating your genitals.
- What was the name of the gentleman who shot President Reagan?
- Is Spain in Asia or Europe?
- What was the name of the director who directed ''The Godfather?''
- Odds On Who Howard Might Sleep With. 11/16/99. 9:30am
Steppin' Out Magazine recently printed some odds for women that Howard might sleep with after his separation. Howard read some of them on the air this morning. Here are a few of the people and the odds that Howard would sleep with them:
For the complete list head to the Steppin' Out Magazine web site.
- Carol Alt - 3-2
- Jaide Barrymore - 30-1
- Courtney Love - 200-1
- Tori Spelling - 15-1
- Queen Latifa - 80,000-1
- Joan Rivers - 500-1
- Jenna Elfman - 80-1
-- Wednesday November 17, 1999 --
- Howard's New Years Plans. 11/17/99. 6:25am
Howard was wondering what he might do for New Years Eve next month. He was thinking of going somewhere since he's separated from his wife now. He doesn't want to fly anywhere even though he's not afraid of the Y2K bug causing all of the disasters people think it will cause. He said he's afraid he'll just end up with Fred and a plate of shrimp for New Years Eve. Gary said that he'll be at a party in Times Square at the E! Entertainment offices that night and Howard said he might end up there. Gary also told Howard that he's been told to have 5 days worth of ''Best Of Stern'' programming ready for all of the affiliates just in case there are problems on January 1, 2000. All of the stations will get the ''Best Of'' before they're scheduled to air, just in case. Robin Radzinski from E! said that she's heading down to Morocco for New Years and Stuttering John will be up in Vermont to ski. Jackie will be in Florida with his family to celebrate the new year.
- Alexis Plays ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' 11/17/99. 7:40am
This stripper Alexis called Howard and said she has implants that everyone says don't look fake. She came in this morning to show them to Howard to see if he thinks they look real. Alexis came in and took her top off right away. Howard immediately said they don't look real at all. Jackie said they looked painful. Both Gary and Robin also chimed in and said they don't look anywhere near real. Gary pointed out that they look shiny and like a road map.. with all of the veins being very noticeable. She's had them since last January so they've had time to settle in but Gary said they just don't sit right. She went from a C-cup to a DD because she wanted to pump them up after they sagged. She claimed to be a young 23 but when Howard heard that he muttered ''twenty seven'' under his breath. He said he was kidding of course. She also said that she paid $5130 for the implants. Howard didn't understand the $30 tacked on to the end of it. Jackie said it was for the Doctors plane ticket out of town. Howard asked to see the rest of her body so she showed off her thong. That's when everyone noticed the stretch marks, and lots of them. ''There's nothing the Doctors can do'' Alexis claimed. Howard told her she should dance for Ray Charles or Jose Feliciano. She said that people at the clubs tell her they look real. They're probably just trying to pick her up.
Howard got around to playing ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire'' with Alexis. Here are her questions:
Alexis got the first one correct with the answer France. The second one she said ''Franklin David Roosevelt'' but when Robin asked her if she wanted to call a lifeline she took that. Gary didn't have any luck getting a hold of Crackhead Bob so they ended up bringing in Wood Yi. Wood Yi quickly gave the correct answer of Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Alexis showed Wood Yi her breasts for helping her out. Howard asked Wood Yi if he had anything to say after seeing the breasts. He said ''My nuts ache'' and left. The final question was also a problem for Alexis. She gave the answer ''Mayflower, Santa Maria and Columbus.'' The correct answer was Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria. Before Alexis left she told Howard that she's be willing to have lesbian sex on his desk if she'd be allowed to meet Ozzy Osbourne the next time he comes in. Howard didn't give her a definite answer on that.
- What country gave the U.S. The Statue of Liberty?
- Who was F.D.R.?
- Name the 3 boats of Columbus.
- Howard Plays Some Captain Janks Phony Phone Calls. 11/17/99. 8:10am
Howard had some tapes of some phoney phone calls that Captain Janks has done in the past few months. Most of them we've heard or heard about but Howard had better quality tapes to play. He had two calls that Janks did during the Kennedy plane crash search. One was to Peter Jennings on ABC and the other was to a very clueless Dan Rather on CBS during the peak of the plane crash search. Then there was another call made during a tornado in Salt Lake City. Janks usually has the calls available on his web site.
- Howard Gives Away A Trip To London. 11/17/99. 8:20am
Howard had a 5 day 4 night trip to London to give away this morning. New Line Cinema gave Howard the trip to help promote the video release of ''Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me'' today. Howard plunked down the phones and got Carol on the phone. She didn't want to win the trip but said that she was 17, naked with 34 DD-cup breasts and lying in bed. She told Howard that she wanted to sleep with him. She also told him that she's only 4 foot 11 inches tall. She said she weighs between 102 and 105 pounds and that she's not fat. Howard said she sounded a little wacky but she claimed that she just woke up so she was groggy. Howard asked her why she wasn't in school and she claimed to be homebound and was educated at home. Howard did some prying and asked her a couple of simple math questions that she couldn't answer. She finally admitted that she's in a retard class. Howard asked her if she's already had sex and she has. She said she uses birth control but said it's Demerol which isn't a birth control drug. Howard told her he'd be over to her house in 45 minutes. She started to give her address so Howard had to hang up on her.
After that gold mine call Howard took a call from someone who actually wanted to win. Jeff was an annoying guy but Howard let him play. Howard played a mystery record from the band Avant Garde. The song was ''Naturally Stoned.'' The guy on the phone didn't get it even after Gary gave him a bunch of clues. Howard got it with the very obvious clues. It was Chuck Wollery from the new game show ''Greed'' singing the awful song. Howard didn't want to give the caller the trip but did so anyway.
- The Singing Psychic Calls In With Predictions. 11/17/99. 8:50am
Earlier in the show Howard pointed out that the Singing Psychic, Fran Baskerville, actually predicted Howard's separation.. well, not exactly. When she was on last January she predicted that someone on the show would get a divorce and thought that it would be Fred. She was off a little bit but Howard gave her credit for it anyway. She also predicted that Howard would cheat on his wife. He hasn't done that but it might not be far off before he starts dating after his separation. Fran gave a few new predictions today. She thinks that Howard will eventually get a full divorce from Alison. She also sang some predictions that were unintelligible because her phone sounded like crap. Howard had her repeat one prediction about 5 times before Fred caught on to what she was singing about. She said that Howard will audition women to sleep with and will have a hot sex life. She also predicted that there will be no problems with the Y2K bug. She predicts that the Egypt Air flight that crashed was sabotaged as well as JFK Jr.'s flight. She thinks that both had their computers messed with and that's what caused them to crash. Howard had her make a prediction for the upcoming Super Bowl. She sang, or mumbled over the phone, that the Dallas Cowboys will beat the Miami Dolphins in the Super Bowl. She said that the Dolphins will have their quarterbacks out on injuries. For more info on Fran you can visit her web site at SingingPsychic.com or call her at 972-380-0989.
-- Thursday November 18, 1999 --
- Clear Out The Tapes Day. 11/18/99. 6:15am
Howard said that yesterday he went through all of the tapes he had lying on his console so he could play them for us today. The first thing he played was a couple of bad cover songs by Thelma Houston, Whitney's aunt, and Roger Daltry. Thelma covered Pink Floyd's ''Comfortably Numb'' and Daltry did Led Zeppelin's ''Cashmere.'' Howard wonders why anyone would want to hear these songs. Howard made it sound like he was going to get to a bunch of tapes but that was it for the time being.
- Howard Misses The Scoldees Album Release Party. 11/18/99. 6:35am
Howard said that he was going to go to Jackie's wife's album release party last night but he was stuck at his apartment helping the workers get some stuff done. He didn't want to be doing that but he had no choice. Howard played a little bit of Nancy's CD this morning and it wasn't horrible. The Scoldees may have something going on.. not necessarily a hit but something. Howard said he didn't think it was that bad but listeners called in and wanted him to stop playing it. One guy offered to pay Howard to stop it. Howard also heard about how Mike Gange was unsuccessful at picking up a woman at the party last night. Everyone told Howard that Gange stood talking to a woman for hours but didn't get anywhere with her. Stuttering John thought he was going to get laid, so did Jackie. Gange said that he didn't even get her number. He said she wasn't his type anyway. Everyone busted on him for being such a loser. Howard told him he should just ask for a number even if he's not interested that much. He could always decide whether or not to call her at a later time. The guys thought that the girl was really cute too. Howard said that Gange must be trying to play it cool hoping that the girl will ask for his number instead. Gange eventually admitted that he was doing something like that but obviously it doesn't work. Gange also told Howard that he's gotten about 5 women in the past 5 years or so. He thought that was a high number but Howard figures if he's saying 5, he probably only got 3.
- Bridy Brings Howard A Gift. 11/18/99. 7:15am
This woman, Bridy, called in the other day and offered to bring in a letter opener she designed. She told Howard that she looked like Bridget Fonda but when she came in Robin said it looks like Bridget Fonda had an accident. Howard said she looked more like Henry Fonda. The letter opener she made had a nude woman as a handle. Howard said it was pretty bad and that he'd wait until she was gone before he threw it in the garbage. He said the breasts on it were huge and the ass was flabby. Howard let her get a plug in for her web site at BFHJ.com but then something happened.
KC said that Bridy was willing to show her thong to Howard. She argued that she was told she didn't have to do that and she got her plug in anyway so it wasn't going anywhere. She did bring her own bikini with her though. So after a couple of minutes she got into her own bikini. As she was changing Howard and Gary said they'd try to get her to take her top off. When she came in everyone noticed that you could see right through her bikini bottom. Some said that she was fully shaved and that they could see ''camel toe'' or ''moose knuckle'' through the bottom. They also said she had a nice stomach but her breasts were small. KC also said she had ''Summer Teeth''... Some her teeth go this way, some her teeth go that way. Howard told him he was nuts and that her teeth were fine. He apologized to Bridy saying that ''he's gay'' and that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Then Gary started negotiating with her to see if she'd get her bottoms off. It wasn't easy. For the next 20 minutes Howard, Gary and Bridy haggled and negotiated until she was offered:
You could tell she wanted to do it but not really. She was to take down her bottoms and keep them down for 10 seconds. She tried to cut the time by taking some gifts off but it didn't work. She even consulted her friend Noel who told her to go for it. She hesitated for 10 minutes then Dr. Sal Calabro called in and offered free breast implants. She was tempted but held off again until Howard finally took the offer off the table. Then Noel was invited in. Howard asked her if she'd be willing to play ''Can We Get Your Clothes Off.'' Noel, who had bigger breasts than Bridy, agreed to put on a bikini top and to go through the negotiations. Howard went through a similar thing with her and came out with the same result.. nothing. He did make the offer to her to come back in a week to play the game again with different prizes though. He told Noel to come back in a week and went to commercial break.
- A $1000 mens Movado watch
- $400 gift certificate to CDnow.com
- An personalized autographed 8x10 picture of Howard and Bridy
- 5 plugs for her web site worth $30,000-50,000
After a commercial break Howard came back and started to talk about some stuff when Stuttering John came in and announced that Bridy was now ready to get naked. She came back in and said she spoke to her fiance who told her she was nuts not to do it. Howard then told her the offer was off the table and she wasn't going to get anything. A short time later he made her a deal. She would have to get totally naked not knowing what she would win. Howard said she could win everything, a couple of things or nothing at all. He wrote on a piece of paper what she would win. She agreed to get naked for 10 full seconds not knowing what she'd win. She went for it and got nude. They were all surprised at how good she actually looked. Gary said she shouldn't be ashamed of her breasts. She was also fully shaved which Gary found interesting. After her full 10 seconds she didn't rush to get dressed. Howard passed her prize list to Gary and he read off what she won. Howard gave her the Movado watch, breast implants and the 5 plugs for her web site. She said now she can go home and her fiance wouldn't kill her.
- Howard's Awards For Sickest Porno And Song Of The Year. 11/18/99. 8:35am
Howard said he wanted to give awards to his favorite sick porno and the song of the year this morning. He's been playing tape of this sick sounding porno ''Champagne Enema'' for a couple of weeks now. It's a woman moaning and the sound of, what sounds like, diarrhea. That turned out to be ''Champagne Enema.'' Howard said he had to turn it off because it was so sick.
Howard's favorite song of the year turned out to be the Lo Fidelity All Stars song ''Battle Flag.'' Howard thought it was really great but Robin didn't think that many others would agree with him about that. He also said the Foo Fighters new album ''There Is Nothing Left To Lose'' is great.
- More Tapes Played. 11/18/99. 8:40am
Howard took more time to go through some old tapes he had lying around. He played some song parodies about his separation that listeners sent in. He also played a bunch of bits like when Travis the farter blasted in a woman's face. Dan the farter also sent in some tape and Howard played a little bit of that.
- ''Greed'' Loser Calls In. 11/18/99. 8:55am
On last week's ''Greed'' game show on FOX, a player yelled out ''Baba Booey'' after getting one of his answers correct. Today he called in and told Howard that he was the guy. Howard thanked him for doing that and asked him how much money he lost. The guy said at the time there was $40,000 up for grabs. He also plugged a web site that won't be up until March of next year. Howard got off the phone after the plug.
I don't usually do this but I saw the guy yell out ''Baba Booey'' on the show and it was funny but the question he missed that got him eliminated was really simple. It's funny because the guy is like a web site developer but the question he missed was one that anyone in the computer industry should get right. The question was something like ''Which of these companies produces the Pentium III processor?'' and there were 4 answers like ''Compaq, Intel, Microsoft, IBM'' or something similar to that. The guy hit the buzzer first and could have eliminated the woman who challenged him but he gave the incorrect answer ''Compaq!'' He was then eliminated from the game. Maybe it was the pressure of the game that got to him.
- Jerky Boy Kumal Calls In. 11/18/99. 9:20am
Kumal, one of the phony phone call team The Jerky Boys, called in to tell Howard a quick story about Barbara Streissand. Howard had been talking about how nutty she is and Kumal wanted to share a story with him. Kumal said that when he was a kid his mother was in the record industry and was invited to Barbara's house. He said when they walked in there was a painting of a dead woman in a casket hanging on the wall. He thought that was odd. After the story Howard spoke to Kumal about the status of The Jerky Boys. Kumal said that he's working on his first solo album ''Kumal, Once a Jerk, Always a Jerk'' which comes out early next year. Kumal said that he and Johnny B haven't gotten along for years so now he's out of the Jerky Boys. He said even though he did most of the work getting them noticed, Johnny gets more money than him so he resents him for that. Johnny also owns ''The Jerky Boys'' name because his mother came up with it. Kumal said that he doesn't have to ever get a real job because they made enough from their albums to live off of. He said he wants to come in sometime in February. Gary told him he could send the new album in and they'd listen to it. He didn't say anything about letting him come in the studio.
-- Friday November 19, 1999 --
- Samantha The Nude Maid. 11/19/99. 6:35am
This woman Samantha from ModelsToGo.com came in to talk to Howard for a couple of minutes this morning. Samantha is a stripper who will come to your house or apartment and clean while naked. Well, she won't actually clean your house but she will get naked. When she came in the studio Howard was surprised at the size of her breasts. He spoke to her for a few minutes to learn a little bit about her and what exactly she does when she ''cleans'' a house. She told Howard that she gets naked and may dust a little bit but there's no heavy cleaning going on. Howard said this was a great idea because it's safe. He said that you can't just call a stripper over to your house to get naked but you could call a ''cleaning woman'' who gets naked. Samantha said that she has had couples call the service so she can put on a show for them and she will do some lesbian crap also. She showed Howard her DDD-cup breasts and Howard said they look really fake. He said they look like basketballs and don't even move. You can find out more at ModelsToGo.com or call (212) 330-8088.
- Tim Burton's Fiance Lisa Marie Comes In. 11/19/99. 7:00am
Actress Lisa Marie came in this morning to promote Tim Burton's latest movie ''Sleepy Hollow.'' Lisa Marie is also Tim Burton's fiance and has been for the last 7 years or so. Howard met Lisa and Tim while he was over at the Cannes Film Festival. Howard spoke to Lisa about her relationship with Tim and how they both had messed up families while they grew up. When Tim was on the other day he said that he wanted out of his family so bad that he was crawling out before he could walk. Lisa Marie said that she was almost the same way. Her parents divorced when she was a baby and her mother left. She said she had to be the woman of the house when she was only 5 years old. She started to develop sexually by the time she was in 7th grade and by 15 she was out of the house. She went on to tell Howard how she met Tim Burton at a strip club and it was love at first sight. She also told Howard that she has 3 half sisters but she doesn't really stay in touch with them or her mother. She said her mother has tried to contact her now that she's famous but she doesn't want to deal with it. Before she left she and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about ''Sleepy Hollow'' in which she has a part. The movie opens today.
- Comedian Bill Maher Comes In. 11/19/99. 7:50am
The host of the TV show ''Politically Incorrect'', Bill Maher, came in to talk to Howard this morning. Bill was also plugging an appearance he's making this Saturday at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Bill about this Playboy Playmate Karin Taylor they had on the show one time. Karin told Howard how Bill broke up with her by writing her a letter and handing it to her after a date. Bill said that was true and he thinks the letter is more personal than telling her to her face that they're breaking up. He said one part of her story wasn't true. She claimed that he let her off in front of a hospital because he thought she was going to attempt suicide. He said that just wasn't true. After that story Howard told Bill how much his parents enjoyed him when he did Larry King's show recently. Bill said it's too bad ''..old Jews don't count in the ratings''.
Eventually Howard told Bill what he was really there for.. a special version of Politically Incorrect starring Crackhead Bob, Fred the Elephant Boy, Beetlejuice the dwarf and Croy the crazy old bat. Howard brought them all in and when Bill saw Beetlejuice he told Howard that he's ''..a sick man.'' Bill told Howard he was insulted by the whole thing but he went along with it anyway. Croy went into her wacky stories about how Ronald Reagan stole her architecture. Bill finally got control of the situation and started the discussion. He brought up a few topics during the segment and all of the wack packers would attempt to comment on them. The first topic had something to do with President Clinton and Boris Yeltsin's summit. No one could follow it except Croy. Croy rambled on about something that led to her Ronald Reagan thing. The second topic was about this 13 year old kid who was convicted of murder and whether or not he should get the death penalty. All of the wack pack said, in their own way, that they think he should get the death penalty. The third topic was about Jesse Jackson defending some high school kids who were suspended for 2 years after fighting. Bill thought they should only get 2 days. The wacko's mumbled something unintelligible. Croy said they should get 90 days. The next topic was the last one.. Bill brought up a restaurant that added a 15% tip to a black customer's bill because the owner said blacks don't tip. The wack packers barely understood the topic so their discussion was pointless. Croy ended up saying that everyone should put one dollar on the table. A bunch of callers thought that this was the funniest ''Politically Incorrect'' they've ever heard.
Before Bill left he told Howard a story about how he got beaten up by a bunch of young black kids. He was in a theater watching a movie and they were running up and down the aisle's making noise. He walked over to the, told them to shut the f-up and sit down. When the movie was over they sucker punched him in the back of the head. Howard thought he was nuts for doing that.
You can get more info about Beetlejuice at JollyDwarf.com and info about Crackhead Bob and Elephant Boy can be found at PegasusConcerts.com
- Jackie Stallone Comes In To Read Asses. 11/19/99. 8:40am
Sylvester Stallone's mother, Jackie, came in to promote her new book ''Starpower'' this morning. Howard has been promoting her appearance saying that she was going to ''read people's asses'' via Rumpology. She's serious too, this wasn't any joke to her. She told Howard that your ass has thousands of nerves in it.. but didn't say much else. She said she has a professional ass reader by the name of Anthony Carr who can read someone's ass aura by looking at it when you bend over. Howard thought that Jackie would read it herself. She does do that but she uses photocopied ass pictures, at $100 a pop, to do it. Howard wanted her to read some asses right there but she wanted Anthony to do it. He also wanted to know if she's predicted anything that would prove it works. She claimed she did but when she thought about it she had nothing. After a while Howard brought up how KC had a problem with dealing with Jackie when booking her for the show. She got pissed about flying coach on an airline and how there was no car to pick her up at the airport. Howard explained it to her by saying that the show has no budget. She thinks she's some big star and she deserves star treatment though. KC and Gary argued with her for a couple of minutes but Howard had to boot them out before they offended her further. Howard also had Jackie's new husband come in. Jackie and Dr. S. Marcus Levine have been married just over one year. Jackie told Howard that Marcus is only 50 but Howard said he's got to be over 60. The guy didn't give his exact age though. He wasn't much of a talker. He didn't want to discuss sex that much but Jackie said he has some Viagra.
Howard eventually let Anthony Carr the ass reader come in to do some ass readings. He brought in a listener by the name of Bill. I think it was actually Travis the farter.. He let Anthony look at his ass but as he was looking he ripped some really nasty, wet sounding farts. Carr just kept talking while ''Bill'' ripped the farts. Howard had to kick ''Bill'' out because of his farting, pretending that it wasn't planned. Anthony also read Howard's ass. He told Howard that he'll be getting back together with his wife and there will be a major shake-up on the show in about 6 months. Howard said that's just what he needs, another shake-up in his life. Anthony also said he sees a cruise ship and a red headed woman with a beehive hairdo in his life. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from people who thought that Jackie is a ''crackpot'' and just basically a nut. There weren't any calls saying that she's brilliant for her ass readings.
As Howard was wrapping up the segment Gary came in and told Jackie that he wanted to put all of this behind them. He wanted her to leave there happy but it wasn't going to happen. Apparently she caused all kinds of problems back stage. She told one intern on the phone that he should get a life and a personality. He was offended by that. He came in and Jackie thinks she helped him out because now he's got a personality. KC was also upset because of the things she said to him. She wasn't apologetic for any of her stuff though. We don't know if she left happy or not. Jackie's book, ''Starpower'', can be found at Jackie's web site StallonesStarPower.com
- No Gossip Game Today. 11/19/99. 10:35am
There was no Mike Walker Gossip Game for some reason today. As Howard was ending the show he mentioned that Stuttering John screwed up and didn't get Mike on the phone on time. John said it was one mistake and it won't happen again. Howard was pretty pissed and Gary said he's going to take John off of that duty. Since it was the end of the show Howard didn't spend too much time worrying about it. He did say that he's sorry if Mike was upset about it. John said he told Mike it was all his fault.