Howard said he knew that Robin met Sidney and he came over and hugged her. He said he's not sure why but he hugged her. Robin said she kissed her hand. Howard said he wanted her but she did not go there. He said she kept him as a friend. Robin said she was with someone at the time. Howard said it was in 1997 and he was very complimentary of her acting in Private Parts. He said he hugged Robin and kissed her hand. Robin said he told her that they should work together. She said that she didn't know what to say. Howard said he was trying to write them a film but he never got around to it. He said it's too bad they never got to work together.
Howard said Jamie Foxx told a story about Sidney on the show. He said he was up for an Oscar and he was blowing it off. He said Sidney told Jamie he should appreciate it. He played a clip from the interview where he talked about Oprah introducing him to Sidney and then Sidney telling him what to do about the Oscar. He did an impression of Sidney in the interview.
Howard said he was right about that. He said it was bigger than him and he had to appreciate that. Robin said it was like Denzel Washington in Training Day. Howard said Jamie played Ray Charles and that was a big thing. Robin said he did a great job in that movie.
Howard said it took 39 years for another black man to win an Oscar after Sidney won one. Robin said he was also the highest paid actor and the biggest box office actor. She said he did 3 blockbuster movies in one year. Howard said this is all about Robin and she should have been in a movie with him.
Howard took a call from fake Sidney Poitier. The impression wasn't good so Howard hung up. Robin asked if it was Desmond Tutu. Howard asked who did that impression. He said get on and admit it. No one admitted to it so he called them a coward. He said someone threw that together quick. He said someone went around him.
Howard said the news is that Robin almost made out with Sidney Poitier. He said it should have happened but it didn't. Robin said she got angry at him one time. She said that he had fallen out of favor with the black community. She said that she was guilty of this too. She said that he was called into question for the roles he played where he made white people look good. She said she went to a movie and she felt so good about white people that she held the door for a little old white lady so she could get in. She said she wanted to be nice to her because of that movie. She said the woman scowled at her and looked at her like she should open the door. She said that's when she turned on Sidney.
Howard said Sidney was at the Martin Luther King Jr. ''I have a dream'' speech. Robin said he didn't want to go down south to film the movie he did about that. She said he did go down there and he fought for the reaction where the clansman slapped him across the face. She said he fought for that slap back.
Howard said he congratulates Robin on almost working with him. He said it's too bad that didn't happen.
Howard took a call from fake Sidney Poitier who was calling him names over what he said earlier about his impression. Howard said he doesn't sound like Sidney. He said he sounds like Desmond Tutu. Howard said he has on the phone an even worse impression Sidney. He took that call and the guy wasn't even trying to do an impression. Howard let the two go back and forth with their shitty impressions.
Howard said one is worse than the other. He let them go after that and said he should fire two people. He said in the new Spider Man film there are different ones from different universes and that's what they have with Sidney right now.
Howard took another call from an even worse Sidney. That guy didn't sound at all like the guy. He was talking about meeting Robin at the movie premiere and all of that and had a conversation with Howard about that.
Howard said he enjoyed the third impression the best out of those. Robin said he was the one who rushed over to her and said they should work together. She said she was shocked. She said the guy she was dating was in the rest room at the time. She said she told him the story and said he won't believe it. Howard said it would have been great if the had cell phones back then. Robin said that way she would have a picture at lest.
Howard asked if that was the guy with the camera that she was dating. Robin said no. She said if Sidney had come over when he was there he'd probably still be talking to him. Howard asked if he knew that she was in Fresh Prince of Bel Air too. Robin said she doesn't think so. She said that it was just Private Parts. Howard said Robin was also in Dark Web at the time. Robin said she was.
Howard said he was talking about John Madden. He said he liked that pen thing that he used. Robin said it was the Telestrater. She said Howard had one on the channel 9 show. Howard said he did. He said John Madden was a coach and stopped at 42 years old. He said he had an ulcer and it almost killed him. He said he had to figure out his next act. He said he went into broadcasting. He said he was 85 years old. He said he never played professionally. He said he was never drafted because he injured his knee. He said he was in the hall of fame for coaching and announcing.
Howard said he was most famous for a video game. Robin said she's not sure how that came about. Howard said he was a stickler and he had rules for it. He said they've been making the game since 1988 and JD plays it a lot. He said he puts a lot of money into it. He said he thinks JD likes it because he took it seriously. He said he insisted that the game have some reality to it. JD said yeah. He said there were early games where it looked like table top football. He said it grew into this humongous franchise and it's just about the only football game out here.
Howard said the have some audio of JD playing the game. He played that and JD was getting upset with the way the game was going quite a bit.
Robin said she has never heard him so animated. Howard said he has some facts about JD and the game. He said he has some cards he's been collecting and he buys them as investments. Howard said John Madden is the one who wanted all 22 players to be seen on the field. JD said he took it very seriously. He said that he even sat down with Rupert Murdoch to talk to him about what the showed on FOX when they showed the games.
Howard said John Madden was a stickler in the broadcasting career too. He said he won 16 Emmys. He said he was making more money than the players.
Howard asked JD if he wants to mention anything else about Madden. JD said he helped people who were causal viewers with the game. He said he was funny and entertaining. He said he was big too. Howard said he had a big head. JD said he was big everything. JD said he was into the TurDuckEn thing at thanksgiving. Howard had no idea what that was. Robin and JD had to explain it to him.
Howard said the other thing he knew about Madden was his fear of flying. He said he would travel by train. He said he had the Madden Cruiser too. He said it was a Greyhound bus that he had modified. JD said he had fun and lived life. Howard said much like JD.
Howard said Madden looked like 2 people stuffed inside of one. He said he did like the guy though. He asked JD if he had a wife. JD said he did. He said he hasn't been in public for years. He said then this documentary came out and he seemed to be doing okay. He said then he died a week later. Robin said a lot of people are doing that lately.
Howard said Maddens games generated 7 billion in revenue since 1988. He wondered what he got out of that. Robin said she's sure they had to make some kind of deal. JD said it had to be millions of dollars. He said they do so much with the game. Howard said JD buys that game every year. JD said he does. He said that he would have spent thousands of dollars on the game over the years. He said he likes the game. Howard said he looks like he enjoys that game and the TurDuckEn.
Howard let Jon Hein come on to talk about Madden. Jon said he didn't want stock in the company so he got cash and he regrets not taking the stock. He said he got like $150 million out of the deal. He said that's nothing compared to what the game has made. JD said he didn't even want to be an announcer. He said he thought that was lame but that turned out great for him too.
Howard said John could have had a fortune from the stock deal. Jon said he could have but he got paid for his time and consulting. Howard said it's like Star Wars. He said it was the old actor Sir Alec Guinness. He said the wanted him for Obi Wan. He said he took a piece of the movie or merchandising. He said he was only in there for a couple of lines and made the most money out of anyone. Jon said he's not sure if it was Alec who did that but it may have been someone. He said the marketing rights did make a lot of money. He said Donald Sutherland made a big chunk of money from Animal House that way.
Howard said that John Madden didn't know how big this video game was going to be. Jon said he was corrected and said that Donald Sutherland didn't take part of the movie, he took the pay day. He said it was the opposite.
Howard said his father had stock in a bicycle company that ended up tanking. He said that he bought the stock for the company that made the worst bikes. Robin said not everyone makes money when they buy stock.
Howard said his father could have had stock in KFC but his mother talked him out of it. He said no wonder he ended up driving around in a 1970 Valiant.
Howard said that's what it looked like. He said that he just threw it together. He said he heard that JD stopped with his diet. JD said he had so much going on and that threw him off. He said he is feeling it. He said he is not happy with himself right now. He said he'll get back into it. He said his titties are busting through his shirt. He said he was doing so good. JD said he knows. He said he gets lazy sometimes. He said he's not sure what to tell him. Robin asked if he was traveling during the holidays. JD said he did. He said he saw family.
Howard said JD can't quit drinking soda. JD said he loves it. He said he is a Coke guy. He said he used to drink Pepsi. He said that's what he had growing up. He said then when they got to Sirius they had Coke and he drank that more. He said his taste buds must have latched on to that. He said it's better than Pepsi to him.
Howard said he remembers JD drinking 3 a day. He asked if he's doing that now. JD said he drinks it like once a week. He said when he does it now he feels it. He said it feels good when he's drinking it but then he feels it after. He said he feels bloated and disgusting.
Howard said he has some advice for JD. He asked if it would be strange for him to send a card of him at a parade. JD laughed. Howard said he hates parades. He said that's like JD sending a card with himself hiking on it. He said JD detests hiking. JD said he likes doing it but during the hike he hates it. He said if it's a level walkway it's fine. He said that he can handle that. Robin said that's not a hike. JD said whatever. Howard said that's like a walk in the streets like he does. He said he did that yesterday.
Howard had Dr. Now on the phone to yell at JD. He had fake Dr. Now (Chris) giving advice to JD about his hiking and how it's not enough. He was telling him to speak more clearly because he doesn't understand him.
Howard had Dr. Now do his thing for a few minutes. Howard questioned him about the chances of him getting weight loss surgery. Dr. Now told him he has to lose 100 pounds before he sees him next. He said that he has to go on 600 calorie diet.
Howard said thanks to JD for the update. He let him and Dr. Now go.
Howard said he was born in 54 and Bob was in 1956. He said he thought Bob was older but he figured out that he's older than Bob. He said it freaked him out when he figured that out. He said when you get older everyone drops dead. He said he never would have predicted that he'd die before his parents did. Robin said he almost didn't outlive Betty White. Robin said he was found dead.
Howard said he had no idea Bob was on the show 13 times. He said he's not sure what he was doing. He said one time the guys reminded him that he played Fred in Win Fred's Money. He said Bob didn't get one question right. He said that was something. He said that Bob came in and lost. He said he's not sure if he was kidding or what.
Howard said Bob hosted America's Funniest Home Videos for 8 seasons. He said that he really liked Bob. He said he was on the show 10 times, not 13. He said he remembers one time. He said that he was a good guy. He said that he hopes he's not wrong but he thinks he was on when Jimmy threw him one of his parties in L.A. He said he thinks that he had Bob there. He said he had a girlfriend who was like right out of Playboy or Penthouse. He said Bob came up to him and talked about how horrible divorce is and then went over to his girlfriend.
Howard said Bob was a very nice guy. He asked Robin what character Bob played in the show Full House. Robin said it was ''Dad.'' Howard said that's right. He said it was actually Danny Tanner. He said he worked with Stamos who tweeted out about Bob dying. He read that quote. He said he was broken and gutted. He said he'll never have a friend like that again.
Robin said she went out to Los Angeles after she was sick and Jimmy asked her out to dinner. She said that he asked her who she wanted to go out with. Howard said Robin told him to get Brad Pitt and George Clooney but they were unavailable so Bob showed up. Robin said John Stamos did show up but that's how he got to the table. She said she spent several moments with Bob and John and they had an incredible love.
Howard said Katie Couric went on a date with Bob and she told that story on the show. He said that she said she doesn't think that she did it for him.
Howard said they're going to play one of Bob's interviews on Sternthology today on Howard 101. He said he didn't watch Full House but he knew about the show. He said that he was watching Cobra Kai over the weekend. He said he loved it. He said that he started watching it to goof on it but he can't. He said there's nothing more absurd than watching Ralph Macchio pretending to know Karate. He said that he doesn't think he spent more than 10 minutes doing Karate. He said the guy is so not a Karate guy. He said he doesn't even look like an athlete. He said he doesn't care though and he watched all 10 episodes. He said he watched one after the other. He said he's not sure what's more unbelievable, that or Queen Latifah as the Equalizer. He said that there's a lot of suspending disbelief these days.
Howard said he watches The Equalizer as well. He said he has a hard time with it but someone has to watch it. He said he loves Cobra Kai. He said the gave Ralph a wife who is so hot. He said she's very hot and she's way out of his league. Robin said that she's running the company because he's always at the Dojo.
Jon Hein said that the show is so bad it's good but you get caught up in it all. He said he loves this karate championship that they have. He said they do such a good job with bringing back the whole thing. He said they have a lot of callbacks to the original movies. He said they got nominated for an Emmy last year.
Howard said he watches it because he feels sorry for them. He said he feels like the have to watch it to give them work. He said that Ralph Macchio is the two time champion taught by Mr. Miagi. He said that they might as well have Steven Hawking as a fighter. He said good for Netflix. He said the show is good.
Howard said he watched the whole thing. He said he's a big fan. He said that Ralph does a good job in it.
Howard said he'd be annoyed if someone touched his nips. He asked Robin if that is a turn on to her or is it irritating. Robin said it's not at all. She said a woman needs to get ready. She said it's not about that one thing. SHE said she needs to get juices flowing. She said it's all about the kissing and the neck and the breasts. Robin said everything is about technique. She said a little can be enough and sometimes you want to come back to it later. Howard asked what she likes. Robin said she likes licking and sucking. She said don't turn them like a radio dial. Howard said some women say that they lose sensation in the nips when they get implants. He said that sometimes it doesn't come back. Robin said she's good in that area. She said she has had orgasms from that area.
Mike asked when Robin's breasts got bigger. Howard said the did come back and grow. Robin said she will be the same size no matter what. Howard said it's insane that she could have them reduced and they are bigger. He said she had a big operation. He said they healed beautifully from what Robin told him. He said they grew back. Howard said he told her that it was like her tits were like Michael Myers and you can't kill them.
Robin said it would have been a great Twilight Zone episode. Howard said it would have. Fred played a song parody about Robin's 34-G breasts. Howard said that was Dan the Song Parody Man. He said he asked what happened to that guy. He said the guys don't know. He said Dan once gave him a knife as a gift. He said he saved the knife and it was really big. He said you can't throw that stuff away. He said he still has it in his safe at home. He said it lives in there because he doesn't want someone stabbing someone with it. He said the thing is so big. Howard said the say that Dan is now a congressman. He was joking. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and talked up the song as a top 40 DJ. He let that play for a short time. He said she was good looking and can sing. He said he thinks she was in love with Joe Walsh too. He said lucky Joe. He said that story always comes to mind. He said that she was in a Tom Petty documentary and she said she would have quit Fleetwood Mac if Tom had asked her to join him.
Howard said this song came about because of Tom Petty and his wife. He said Stevie asked his wife how they met and she said they met at the Age of 17 and she thought she said ''Edge of 17.'' Howard said that's how the song was written.
Howard said here was a guy they used to make fun of and the guy knew everything. He said that one of his friends started calling him Encyclopedias Britannicas Jr. He said they added the S in there. He said that's funny. He said that's why he might add an S to something. He had just done that with something he said.
Howard said he wanted to put a period on the Bob Saget thing. He said he seemed like a real nice guy. He said it's just depressing. He said he's such a nice guy. He said that he's thinking it was a heart attack or something. Robin said they did say it wasn't a drug thing or anything like that. Howard said he'd be shocked if he was a drug guy. He said he was on some kind of comedy tour. Robin said she was talking to Jake this morning and he had a friend who was just at a show. Howard said he's not sure what did him in but he's picturing Bob on the road wondering what the fuck he's doing. Robin said he had just tweeted that he's addicted to that shit again. Robin said he was staying at the Ritz Carlton so he was doing okay. Howard said he's figuring he had pain in his arm and ignored it. He said now of course he's thinking he's dying. He said he was just taking a pish during the break and he had 30 scenarios in his head. He said he was thinking about dying.
The caller asked what he thinks he's given to Wendy the Slow Adult, High Pitch Erik and Jeff the Drunk over the years. Howard said he'd think he gave the most to Wendy. He said he's not sure how much though. He thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said he was thinking about Ronnie and how he used to drive him around. He said he would slam on his brakes a lot. He said that he was a good driver when he showed up on time but he wasn't keeping the car smooth. He said what he did like about Ronnie was his personality too. He said he was either grunting or he'd get upset if you wanted to change something. He said they'd have to asses if they could ask Ronnie to do something. He said he didn't like to drive anywhere different. He said Beth would have to go somewhere and Ronnie would get upset and say there wasn't enough time.
Howard said one thing Ronnie would do is point out the hot chicks when they were driving. He said that he'd point someone out and Ronnie would tell him if they were a cunt or not. He said he seemed to know. He said he had a story for everyone.
Howard said he doesn't think he'd miss Ronnie getting angry at other people and slamming the brakes on but he does miss some of the commentary. He said it was fun to hear him comment on the girls. He asked how the girls are in Vegas. Ronnie said that he's not on the strip. He said it's just local girls. He said when you go to the mall or the post office there are hot chicks. He said they're in tight jeans and all of that. Howard asked if you see a lot of fat chicks or do you see a lot of women in shape. Ronnie said there's a combination like there was in New York. He said it's not always hot. He said you see different versions of clothes. He said that right now it's like 65 down there. He said you see girls in boots and stuff like that. He said it's just like New York. Howard said he takes it back, he doesn't miss this conversation. He said he was joking.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has seen any hot chicks who really caught his eye. Ronnie said he has. He said he saw some at the mail box by the community box. He said they're all in one place. He said he sees the chicks walking with their kids and stuff. Howard asked if he introduces himself. Ronnie said he does not.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever sat in the front seat with Ronnie. Howard said he never did. He said he sat in the back so he knew who was boss. He said Ronnie had to know the deal. He said he didn't want to sit up there. He said one time he drove the limo himself. Ronnie said that was a long time ago. Howard said he's not sure what the deal was there. Ronnie said they had a sponsor in Queens and they were a stereo store. He said they had to stop and pick it up and he drove the car home and Howard drove the Limo home. He said that was the old days. He said that's when Howard was just a regular guy and he'd hang out. Howard said Ronnie used to be a regular guy. He said now he won't talk to anyone. Ronnie said that's not true. Howard said Joe hasn't heard from him. Ronnie said he knew he was talking about Joe. He said that guy is full of shit. Howard said that's what Joe said. Ronnie said he used to call him and he'd never get back to him. He said it as Joe who wasn't getting back to him. Howard said he was talking to Joe about that. He said that he dumped Joe. Ronnie said that's such a bunch of shit. He said its Joe who won't return his calls. He said he called him and they had a whole conversation about that. He said he thinks that he's just upset that he left.
Howard said Mike Pearlman told him that he thought he was better than the other security guys up here. Ronnie said that's not true either. He said he still talks to those guys. He said Pearlman is a lunatic. Howard asked Mike to get on to talk about that but he wasn't here.
Howard said he used to like talking to Ronnie in the car about everything. He said the would talk about a lot of stuff. Ronnie said they had some heavy conversations. He said they still talk on the phone.
Mike Pearlman got on and said that Ronnie did act like he was better than the other security guys. He said he always thought he was better than them. He said that they would try to joke around with him and Ronnie would hide in the corner. Ronnie said that's such a bunch of shit. He said he has no idea what he's talking about.
Mike said that Ronnie would give them that nasty look. Ronnie said he's so wrong about that. He said he's such an asshole. Howard asked if the security guys resented him at all. Mike said he thinks they liked him. He said he is a likeable guy. Ronnie asked what the fuck is wrong with him. He said now they all like him.
Mike said that Ronnie would talk to those guys like he talks to them. Ronnie said that they were nice. He said that Jimmy would bust his balls all the time though. He said that Howard even knew that he was breaking his balls. Howard said some days he thought that stuff was more entertaining than what they were doing on the air. He said they should have put a microphone out in the hall.
Howard said he remembers one security guard who Ronnie called ''This little prick''. He said those guys were there to protect him and he was pissing them off. Ronnie said he doesn't know who he's talking about. Howard said he can't do that when the guys are there to protect him.
Chris Wilding said it was that guy Jimmy that Ronnie called the little prick. Chris said there was a lady security guard who was there and Ronnie would say ''pussy'' and stuff around her.
Howard said he's sure that Jimmy Fallon's security guy isn't calling people pricks and assholes. He said that he does miss driving around with him. He said that he'd point out the chicks and tell him different things about clothing. Robin said Howard would get excited about the clothing coming off in the spring. Howard said that's right. He said Ronnie was excited about it too.
Ronnie said that people do hate the cold there. He said they still have their shirts on that show off their tits.
The caller asked Ronnie ever had to step in to protect him. Ronnie said they don't talk about that stuff. Howard said that's right.
Howard said if they hired someone new there the had to tell them about Ronnie. He said that's when you know he's a thing. He said that they're hire someone new like a writer or something and they had to explain his behavior and what it is he does there. Chris said he got that talk.
Mike asked what it was that changed Ronnie. He said he was calmer in the beginning. Howard said he was. Ronnie said Howard is the one who built him up. He said he's to blame for all of that. Howard said he was never on the air but then they started bringing him in to do stuff. He said that's when he blossomed. He said his bad behavior was rewarded.
Howard said they used to go to Scores and Ronnie somehow latched on to Lonnie. He said that's when things changed. He said Lonnie needed an in at the radio show and Ronnie was more than willing to assume that role. He said Ronnie took to it like a fish to water. He said Ronnie was over there so much they thought he was an owner. He said Lonnie would tell them that he was a powerful person there. He said he would even say he was an owner there.
Mike asked if he resents Lonnie for that. Howard said not at all. He said that Ronnie broke out of his cocoon and then he got divorced and he was out there. He said that everyone ignored Ronnie. He said then he went from a fly to a butterfly when he showed up at Jon Hein's Bat Mitzvah with Stephanie. He said she was like 20 something at the time. Robin said that's the day they stopped talking about Gary and everyone talked about Ronnie.
Fred played some audio of Ronnie talking about being Scoresman and things like that. Howard said everyone thought that Ronnie was with the Bat Mitzvah girl. Ronnie said Bob Saget used to come to the show and he'd tell him to just go with it when the make fun of him and Stephanie. He said he knew what he was going through.
Howard said MSNBC just called and they need him to talk about Bob Saget. Ronnie said he was a great guy. Howard said he was. Robin said she loved Bob.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives out in Vegas and it sounds like Ronnie doesn't go to the strip. Ronnie said he doesn't go there. He said he has said that a million times already. The caller said that the town is really into fitness. He said everywhere you go there are smoking hot chicks in Yoga pants. Howard said that's what he would think. He said that he thinks of Vegas and there would be hot chicks all over. Ronnie said there are but it's not true that they're everywhere like this guy is saying.
Howard said he's not sure why Ronnie is so angry. Ronnie said he's trying to explain to him about what it's like out there. He said people are shit.
The caller said that every mom out there at school is hot. He said they're all married to pilots. He said they're all in Yoga pants. He said both of his neighbors wives are smokin hot. He said there are chicks out on the street who are hot and not wearing anything. He said the strippers are all working at the casinos now. He said they're beautiful. Ronnie said this guy is full of shit.
Howard let the caller go. Ronnie said none of that shit is happening. Mike asked if there are a lot of guys and girls out there like he has in his relationship. Ronnie said it's not just out there. He said it's all over.
Howard said Ronnie retweeted 7 pictures of women this morning. Ronnie said that's his guy Emilio who is up early in the morning putting those up.
Howard asked Mike what he misses about Ronnie. Mike said he misses his wardrobe. He said he was so mean and angry but he would wear pink shirts and stuff. Ronnie asked if he isn't going to the tanning booth lately. He said he used to go all the time and he'd show up glowing from it. Mike said he's an outside guy and not a tanning booth guy.
Mike said he has a fantasy that Ronnie will come back to New York. Ronnie said no way. He said he's not coming back. Mike said he had a life there and he packed up and left.
Howard asked if Stephanie broke up with him would he stay there. Ronnie said he'd stay there. He said he's not leaving. Howard said he'd have to get away from her. Ronnie said he's not going anywhere. He said his next door neighbor is a pilot so it's funny what that guy said. He said that he's a nice dude.
Howard said if that happened he thinks Ronnie would come back and move in with Mike. Ronnie said he does ask Stephanie if she'd stay or move if he died. He said she says she'd say. Howard said of course.
Howard said he does miss Ronnie's commentary in the car. He said that's what he misses most. Howard did his impression of Ronnie talking about the girls they'd see on the street.
Howard said they'd talk about the women on the street and then Ronnie would talk about women he's been with who were so turned on. He said he misses that stuff. He said it's not the same now. He said he asks him about the women out there and it's not that great.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to call bullshit on Ronnie. He said he knows there are strippers at the casinos out here. He said the girls are dancing on the tables out there. He said they're not naked but they are on the tables. He said they're behind the dealers and not on the tables. Howard thanked the guys for the call and let him go. He thanked Mike for talking to Ronnie. Howard said he never got to heave that final drive with Ronnie. He said that's because of COVID.
Mike said he saw a picture of Ronnie from 30 years ago or so and he looks like a Mafia hit man. Ronnie said those are the days when they used to hang out. Howard said he used to and he thinks that he still should be. Ronnie said that's not true. Howard said that's Ronnie and Mike Pearlman.
Hard asked if Mike is getting laid. Mike said he is. He said he's been dating a girl for a few months now. He said he met her cousin and she asked him to hang out one night. He said he met her at a bar. He said he met this girl there and that's who he's dating now.
Howard said it's so different being a good looking guy. He said he has a different life than he does. Mike said so many girls tell him that Howard is good looking. Howard said that's because he's famous. Mike said that's not it. Howard said it is.
Howard said he had a good run for a while when he was single. He said Ronnie was there for that. He said he had his friends like Ross, Ralph and Richie. He said it was the pussy posse. He said they had to go out at 8pm because he had to be to work the next morning. He said he was done by 9. He said he thinks he had a bad influence on Ronnie though. He said he went kablooie.
Robin said Ronnie was so different and she has a story. She said that when the guys were in a room with the girls like Jessica Hahn Ronnie would come to her room and have dinner with her. She said that she would leave and she let them have their fun and Ronnie would be in her room eating with her.
Howard said that's fucking crazy. He said they'd go to Los Angles to do shows and he'd have half the LAPD in the room with him and Jessica Hahn. He said he's not sure how that happened.
Howard said something happened to Ronnie and some switch was hit with him. He said he's not sure what happened. He said maybe Lonnie did it. He said Ronnie is happy and that's all that matters. Howard let everyone go and played Ronnie off with a song parody. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and belched. He said he's not sure why he did that. He said he's thirsty as hell. He said he's having a bad morning. He said it might be because of Bob Saget. He said that he's dead. He said maybe it's a hoax. He said the should spin it like a conspiracy. He said they should say that it's a media thing and they're lying to you. He said it's like this Trump thing where he denies everything. He said that we have tape of him calling an election official and telling them to find the votes but he's not in prison for that. He said that people don't apologize for anything and they just do what they want. He said it's unbelievable. He said he hasn't seen this kind of following since World War II. He said it's like Hitler. He said he's not sure what's going on in this country. He said it's getting to the point where they say it might be the end of our democracy. He said that we could have a Putin in place and it might be Trump.
Howard said that when you talk about not having a free election and people rigging it you know we're in trouble.
Howard said then you read about these congress people and senators who were shook up on January 6th of last year. He said they were scared last year but now they say they were nice people who attacked the capitol. He said that people are begging us not to fuck this whole thing up. He said if this country goes down every democracy will fall. He said he can't believe this is all over Donald Trump. He said he can't believe this guy is pulling it off but he is. He said people are afraid of him. He said Biden got up and talked about it and said that we're in trouble. He said it was an attempted coup. He said then you hear these stories from the Trump supporters who are making shit up.
Howard said he's not sure what the goal is at FOX News. Robin said they don't care about people. Howard said they say that Biden's speech was very direct. Robin said that he got up and said it was very clear it was an insurrection.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on but it's scary. He asked f Robin knows what this Flurona is. Robin said she does. Howard said this is really scary. He said it's hiving flu and Coronavirus at the same time. He said it's like you have King Kong vs. Godzilla fighting in your body at the same time. He said we don't need this word. He said it's really scary. He said he's never heard of a mash up of illness before. He said you don't hear about that. He said now it's Flurona. He said he has micropeen schnoz. He said there you go.
Howard said in Turkey they have a new variant that's called DeltaCron or something. He said he doesn't know what's happening. He said he can't keep up. Robin said not all variants are successful. She said some aren't going to be super spreaders. Howard said lets hope. Robin said there could be one that's a major killer though.
Howard said some people are praising Biden for his speech. He said he was very direct. He played some of his speech where he talked about Trump not being able to accept he lost even though that's what happened.
Howard said what he likes most is the people messing up the word insurrection with the word erection. He said he's not sure what the deal is there. He said he still loves it though. He had some clips to play where people messed that up. He said Sean Spicer was one who messed it up. He said they all fucked up insurrection. Howard played a montage of people messing it up.
Howard said he doesn't even think erection is that close to it. He said it's a major jump. He said it's not really that close. He said he doesn't know. He said he'll start a conspiracy, they're just doing it for ratings.
Howard said he met Kaia when she was a kid. He said he's not sure why guys are dumping her. He said she's a nice kid. He said now this Jacob Elordi is dating Olivia Jade. He said she's living her best life. Robin said she did get kicked off of Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that's because people couldn't stand her on the show.
Howard said he watched the Kennedy Center Honors. He said the craziest thing last time was Rush Limbaugh winning the Medal of Freedom. He said that guy doesn't deserve that. He said he was just a big fatso with a microphone. He said there's nothing to see there. He said that he had a big audience but come on.
Howard said they brought back the Kennedy Center Honors and the medal they have is kind of weird. He said that it comes down and turns in. He said look at it. He said it's weird looking.
Howard said he can't even describe it. He said JD might be better at it. JD tried to explain it and said it's like a necklace. He said it's supposed to be a high honor but he's seen better looking awards after a half marathon run. Howard said it does look odd. He said JD also said he liked Scarlet Johansson ''tit dress.''
Howard said they had a bunch of people getting their awards. JD said that one guy didn't have his mask up the whole time. He said that most people were wearing them the whole time. Howard said no one cared about that guy. He said they had people pulling their masks below their nose too. He said they think that's safe. He said some people had their mask on their chin. He said they had to sing along so they pulled their masks down. He said they're such assholes that they have to show they can sing along. He said he hates people.
Howard said it was nice to see the Kennedy Center Honors. He said the Joni Mitchell tributes were good. He said they had some other good stuff on the show too.
Howard said he really hates opera music so much. He said it's not moving. He did his impression of an opera singer. He said that was the only part he didn't like. He said Lorne Michaels came out and did some funny stuff. He said Steve Martin had some funny jokes. JD said they didn't need to do 3 different Weekend Updates. Howard said they had to mix it up. He said JD is wrong. He said it was a tribute. He said they didn't just do the same old clips. JD said they could have had all of the weekend update people on at once instead. Howard said he sees what he's saying. He said that would have been fun.
Howard said he got good news that Beavis and Butt-Head are returning and they're old dudes now. He said that looks good. He had a picture of them that Mike Judge put out.
The caller said he was putting it off at first but Howard convinced him to get it. He said that he knows it doesn't makes sense but it was his upbringing that kept him from doing it. He said he eventually just told his wife he was going to get it done. He said his dad did it too. He said they did it and that's it.
Howard said he knows a guy who is vaccinated and boosted and he's anti-vax. He said that he's done all the research and he told his wife not to get it. He said this guy is all vaxxed up. Howard said he thinks that Jesus would have gotten vaccinated. The caller said he's not a Pat Robertson like some people think he is. Howard asked if he will tell his flock to get it. The caller said he finally made it known that he did it and he lost people. He said they think he's a Biden supporter because of that. He said it's a good move to do it. He said all the FOX News hosts are vaccinated. Howard said it's mandatory to get it done over there. He said they have the fuck heads on the Supreme Court who won't back it up and we're fucked because of it.
Howard said you have to hear what Chris Wilding has to say. He said this is a package they put together where they have people who were anti-vax who have died because they didn't get vaccinated. Robin said a 49 year old woman just died this weekend because of that.
Howard asked Chris what to play. Chris said he has a bunch of idiots who were anti-vax and spreading it to their flock. He said this first guy is Marcus Lamb. He said he's a big televangelist and they go on and tell people all of these horrible things about the vaccine and spread misinformation about the vaccine. He said they're on their show bashing Biden and all of this. Howard played a clip of the guy and his co-host talking about what they don't talk about with the vaccine and how it's killed people. Howard said imagine you had this with the polio vaccine. He said we could have been done with it if everyone had just gotten the vaccine.
Howard asked if they're dead now. Chris said that he'll get to that in a minute. He said that they had a doctor on who said he was a nuclear cardiologist. He said he's not sure what that is. He said that he had a theory about taking alternative forms of medication. He said that he also had a theory about why black people are getting it more than white. He had Howard play the clip where they discussed all of that. Then they started talking about how the joy of the lord is your strength.
Chris asked what you think happened next. He said this guy didn't laugh a lot. He said Marcus got COVID and his son went on the TV show the next day and said this was because of a spiritual attack from the enemy. He said his daughter said he was going to get new lungs because of that. Howard played another clip of the family talking about that.
Chris said God must not have been very good at the lung replacement. He played a clip of the family announcing that Marcus passed away. They said he fought the good fight. He had diabetes and they said that his heart gave out. Chris said that lady has doubled down. He said she brought on a doctor to justify what happened. Chris said that she went on to say she won't recommend the vaccine to anyone and you should do your own research. Howard had another clip of her talking about that.
Robin said if she did any research she's know that COVID can attack any organ in the body. Chris said it's hard for him to feel sorry for a guy like that. He said that he was encouraging people to do the same thing he was doing. He said it's making it harder and harder for everyone.
Chris had another guy named Jimmy DeYoung Sr. who was talking to people about how they're using the vaccine for government control and things like that. He had a clip for Howard to play where they talked about that.
Chris and Howard did their impressions of that guy since he had a deep voice. Robin asked why it's okay to get medical treatment but not get the vaccine. Howard told her to be quiet over there. He did it in that guy's deep voice.
Chris said that guy ended up dying. He said he was brought to the hospital in August and died 8 days later. He said he was 81 years old. He said he's not sure if he was vaccinated or not.
Chris said finally there's Caleb Wallace. He said he was an anti-masker and anti-vaxxer. He said he was from Texas. He said that he used to go to city council meetings and complain about freedoms and not wear a mask. He said he has some audio of that. Howard played the clip of Wallace saying that his health isn't anyone's responsibility other than his own. Howard said that these guys all complain about socialism but they enjoy benefits that are socialist. Chris said that guy is dead. He said he was 32 yeas old and died of COVID-19. He said that he battled the virus for weeks in the hospital. He said maybe he should have worn a mask. Chris said that he didn't want to go to the hospital because he didn't want to be part of the numbers in his area for COVID.
Howard took a call from a woman who said the problem with people screaming about the DOJ not acting fast enough and things like that is because lying is the point. She said that people want authoritarianism. She said that's the whole point. She said that if they tell you the truth then they have control over you. She said the other problem is that our media is based on ratings. She said outrage creates clicks and views and asses in the seats. She said that's why they spent decades vilifying Hillary Clinton. She said that's what they're doing now. She said they're just interested in making money so that's why they do what they do.
Howard said this guy was denying anything that they say about Trump and the election. He had some audio that he played where this woman was talking about how there's no way that Trump had anything to do with what happened on January 6th. She said it's all democratic people who are behind it.
Howard said it's wild. He said this woman just won't see it. He said it's crazy stuff.
Howard said you hope that people who are sane will get fired up and not forget about this. He said he has to come out and say it and repeat it.
Howard said this Laura Ingram had Newt Gingrich on and he was sayings that it was Nancy Pelosi was behind the whole thing. Howard said it's crazy. He said he hopes the country can survive this. He let the caller go and wrapped up the show. He said it's 10:19 and they have to go. He ended the show a short time later.
Howard said he has to tell you that yesterday during the fun on the show he didn't get to the fan mail. He said he'll read you what the fans have written. He said they had a lot to say about Ronnie vs. Mike Pearlman. He said they were talking about Ronnie and his many rides with him. He said he misses his evaluations of women and what he had to say about them. He said it's called multi-tasking. He said he'd be sitting there and Ronnie would tell him when he saw a woman with her titties out. He said the fans liked hearing Mike come on to bust Ronnie's balls. He read some feedback about that. Howard said Mike had years of time to study Ronnie in the office when they were there at the office.
Howard said a listener reminded him that there was a time when Ronnie's bagel was missing and Ronnie blamed him for hiding it. He said he thinks that's how it went. Robin said it was something like that. He said he's not sure why it was a thing. He said he has asked Mike off he air if it was a thing and Mike said no. He said he'd like to ask him again if he did it. He said he forgets the situation there but he wants to know.
Howard asked Mike if he fucked with his bagel or was Ronnie out of his mind. Mike got on and Howard swore him in and told him to swear to god on this. Howard asked him if he was the one who fucked with the bagels or not. Mike said he absolutely did not. Howard asked what happened there. Mike said that Ronnie was just paranoid. He said that's the worst offense you can do there. He said you don't mess with someone's food. He said that Ronnie had a thing he did where he'd put cream cheese on it and then wrap it in paper towels. He said he walked away that day for a minute and there was nothing but a napkin on top of the bagel. He said he thinks that Ronnie did it himself. He said he may have forgotten. He said that he didn't mess with his bagel. He said he wouldn't do that. Howard said he thinks he's right.
Howard said he always writes down when he takes his medication. He said he thinks that Ronnie did this and forgot what he did. He said he has a routine but he may have done it differently that day. Ronnie got on and said he's calling bullshit. He said he doesn't give a fuck what he says. He said that he could never look in his eyes and tell him he didn't do it. Howard said he has full immunity to say the truth. Ronnie said he was never able to look in the camera and says he didn't do it. Mike said he did look in his eye. He said he's laughing today so he can't. He said he swears he didn't do it. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie did it.
Howard said it's a weird prank to do something like that. He said it's not much of a prank. Ronnie said he had a special butter he'd put on his bagels. He said that it wasn't cream cheese. He said it was called Irish butter. He said it was very sweet. He said he would wrap it up and put it to the side. He said it was fascinating. He said that this mother fucker would study his routine. Howard asked if it's possible that he forgot and didn't wrap it. Mike said maybe he unwrapped it and he walked away. Ronnie said that's bullshit. He said he didn't do that.
Mike said that he was funny at the office and he had his own show going on there. Howard said that's true. Howard asked Ronnie if he left the room was Mike in there. Ronnie said he was in there alone. He said no one else was there. He said he had no time to eat at the time. Mike said Howard said maybe he was stressed out that day. Howard said maybe he just didn't wrap it the same way he usually does.
Howard had Evil Mike Pearlman on the phone to confess to this. He picked up and had fake Mike on the line to tell him what actually happened. He said they rubbed their balls on the butter and things like that. He said it was a pretty bad joke.
Ronnie said Mike would come down and watch what he was doing. Mike said part of his job was to see what was happening in the hallway. He said he was like a traffic cop. He said he was doing Ronnie's job essentially. He said that was Ronnie's job and he was doing it. He said that he'd bump into Ronnie and they'd laugh. He said to go into the green room and mess with a bagel is taking it to the next level. He said he didn't do it. Ronnie said he was the only one in the room.
Robin asked if Ronnie has ever had a brain fart. Ronnie said he's sure he has but not in this case. Howard said Ronnie used to let food in there and he had no idea where it came from. He said it is possible. Mike said things happen. He said you get older and you forget. He said he's 34 and he forgets.
Ronnie said no one can fuck with his bagel now. Howard asked what he eats for breakfast now. Ronnie said he gets bagels once in a while. Robin asked if they're good out there in Vegas. Ronnie said they're not as good but they're close. Howard said he goes to Florida and he lives there at times and the bagels aren't good down there.
Howard said he believes Mike. Ronnie said he doesn't. He said he's lying. Mike said he wouldn't lie to Howard. He said he told the truth back then and he's telling it now. Ronnie wasn't believing it. He said he was in the room alone and that's when he came back and the shit hit the fan. Mike said they had guests in the other green room. He said they would watch the show in that room. He said he wasn't the only one in there. Ronnie said he was. Mike said he thinks Ronnie just forgot what he did that day.
Howard said 92 percent of the staff believe that Ronnie just forgot to wrap the bagel. He said that's what a poll shows. He said they have 8 percent of the staff who believes him. Gary said only one person didn't believe it. Howard said it's probably Benjy. Jason said the one person is someone who doesn't want to come on the air. Howard said he understands why. Ronnie asked why. Howard said he holds a grudge. He said that this person agrees with him and the don't want to be on air. He said they don't want to get mixed up in the whole thing.
Howard asked what happened to the bagel that day. Ronnie said he threw it out. Howard asked what kind of bagel it was. Ronnie said it was an everything bagel. He said he likes it well done and soft in the middle. Howard asked what's in it. Ronnie said it has salt, seeds and other stuff on it. Robin said it's not anything inside. Howard said they must have Mike Pearlman's pubes on it too. Ronnie said he knows that he fucked with it just to make his mind go nuts. He said he went and talked to his buddies in the hall and said he was going to mess with it. He said that's what he did. He said he knows he did. Mike said he's so paranoid. Ronnie said he would stand there in the hall with those guys and they'd be laughing. He said you had no idea what it was about.
Mike said Ronnie is just funny to see. He said that they were out there laughing about stuff. Ronnie said he knows they were laughing about him. Ronnie said it's such bullshit. Mike said he liked it when he would were the turtlenecks. He said that they were really bright and he had bracelets on and rings. Ronnie said he never wore bracelets. He said he never wore jewelry. He said he wears a watch and that's it.
Mike asked if he had to talk to him about wearing the turtlenecks to work. Howard said no but he did have to talk to him about the Limo and the Playboy stuff he had on it. He said he had to talk to him about that because it was all Playboy. He said he was driving other people in that car. Ronnie said he wasn't working for the Today show at the time. He said he was just doing general shit. Howard said he did drive other celebrities though. Ronnie said not when he had that car. Robin said that he's claiming that no one saw it but him. Howard said it wasn't the Today show but it was other people. He said he would drive Henry Kissinger and he would have him in that car. Ronnie said he did drive him once.
Howard said he had to tell him to get rid of the Playboy mud flaps and things. Robin said you only ever saw those on trucks. Howard did his Henry Kissinger impression and asked Ronnie about the Playboy stuff. Mike asked if Howard thinks he was doing it to impress him. Howard said he had it before he started driving him.
Mike brought up the different limos he's had and had to get rid of one because it was so big. Howard said he fought him a long time on that Playboy thing. Mike said he thinks that he got the Playboy stuff after he got Howard. Howard said he didn't. He said he had it before him.
Howard did more of his Henry Kissinger impression and talked about the mud flaps and Playboy stuff. Howard said that's how they knew he was coming. Howard asked if he bought them directly from Playboy. Ronnie said he got them from an auto store. Howard said he would drive kids around in that thing. Ronnie said he did. Howard said he took kids to the prom in that car. Ronnie said it worked out fine. He said look at where he is now. Howard said yeah, look at you.
Mike asked what else came with the kit. Ronnie said he had napkins. Howard said he had glasses and door locks that were Playboy too. He said that he'd have someone in the car and people would ask what that stuff was about. Ronnie said it was a big deal in the 80s. He said if it wasn't a big deal in the 80s when this was going on then why was it being sold in stores. Howard said it's for bumpkins. He said he's sure that he was the only one buying that shit. He said he talked to him about it and he knew he was right and got rid of it. Robin said he didn't have it on his personal cars though. Howard said he may have.
Howard said he believes Mike didn't fuck with the bagel. Ronnie said he can believe that but he still believes that he did it. Howard asked if he would believe a lie detector test. Ronnie said no way.
Howard said JD wants to get on with a statement from the employee who didn't want to be on the air. He said this is JD. JD said he has multiple statements. He said two people came forward. He said one person said it was a crazy day and he remembers Mike coming off as very suspicious that morning but they have no evidence. He said the person thinks that it was Mike. He said the second person says that he just thinks he did it. He said that he has no evidence. He said he did see some security guards laughing that day. Ronnie said those two statements make perfect sense. He said they know Mike. Howard said Mike would tell him privately if he did it. Ronnie said he's not going to tell him if he did go to him personally. Howard said yes he would.
Howard said he wants JD to deliver messages for a whole show. He said he loves that. He did an impression of him stammering through the messages.
Howard got back to the fan mail and read more about Mike and Ronnie. Mike said he was thinking about Ronnie yesterday. He said he's thinking about his evolution. He said they had Beetlejuice on the show before the break and you look at him early on and he was kind of quiet and humble. He said then over the years he started to put on some weight and he's mad at everyone. He said he reminds him of Ronnie. Howard said Beetlejuice was very shy and surprised that they put him on. He said his personality came out over the next bunch of visits. He said that Ronnie might be like that. He said they both have small heads. Ronnie said here was a famous person who worked there who would tell him what he did upstairs. Howard asked if it was Shuli or Brent. Ronnie said no. He said he knows who it was too. Howard asked who it was. Ronnie said Mike was always up to shit upstairs on 37. Mike said you have to think about stuff and come up with ideas. He said that's what he was doing.
Howard read more fan feedback from the fans who were talking about what a big shot Ronnie has become. Howard said Ronnie is forgetting about his friends like Joe. He said someone said that Ronnie just thinks he's a big shot. He had a song parody about that to the tune of ''Big Shot.''
Howard said there you go. He said they'll never settle this. He said Mike swears that he didn't do it. Howard asked when that happened. Mike said it was in 2019. Ronnie asked what date it was. Mike said he has it all written down. He said it was September 18th. He said he didn't do it. He said you have to be out of your mind to mess with someone's food. Ronnie said he was out of his mind. He said he's very sane. He said he got shot for a reason. Howard thanked both Mike and Ronnie for that. He said the controversy will continue.
Howard said they got some feedback about the Sidney Poitier discussion they had yesterday. He said Robin brought up how she met him and what happened there. Howard said people wrote in about that. He went through some of that feedback.
Howard said some people were curious to hear Robin on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air so he pulled a clip. He played that for everyone. He said that was just a piece of the action. He said people were wondering how she got the job. Howard said that Will Smith called into the show after she was on set. He said that they talked about their interaction on the show. He played a clip of Will and Robin talking about what it was like on set for them.
Howard played a clip from the show Deadly Web that Robin was in. They mentioned that yesterday as well.
Howard said he has to tell you he thinks Robin could have won an Emmy. He said she sounds legit there. He said it wasn't like Benjy screaming. He said she was pretty good in that. He said look at Meryl Quivers over there. Howard asked why she stopped acting. Robin said she can't run to Los Angeles every day. She said she can't take off work from there. Howard said she was good.
Howard said Bob came on the show and played Fred in Win Fred's Money. He said Bob got every question wrong. He said it was funny. He had some audio from that day. In the clip Bob was joking with every answer he gave to the questions.
Howard said that was funny. He said rest in peace Bob. He said Jimmy Kimmel cried about Bob on his show last night. He said that he didn't know he was so close to Bob. He said he did a private thing before the audience came out. He said he broke down emotionally when he came out. He said he's thinking there won't be anything left for him when he dies. He said he cried for Jack from Three's Company. He said he's crying for Bob. He said that he thought he was special to him but he did the same rap for a lion who died. He said that by the time he goes he'll have cried for everyone on TV. He said Beth had to warn him about that whole thing. He said that he asked her to forward it to him and she said no. He said that she told him they're lucky to have a friend like him and she thinks that he'll insult Jimmy on the air and they'll lose him as a friend. He said that he wont lose him as a friend. He said that there won't be anything left for him though.
Howard said Jimmy and Bob evidently wrote each other a lot and they were writing to John Stamos too. He said there's a gang out there in Hollywood who hang out. He said he doesn't get to be part of that. He said he lives in New York so he can't do that. He said crying all the time loses it's impact. He said that David Letterman only had his voice crack once and that was during 9/11. He said there's no end to it with Jimmy.
Howard said when he dies Jimmy should cancel his show. He said that he won't be able to do the show. He said he'll be so upset that he can't do it. He said you have to have some self control when someone dies. He said he can't cry all the time.
Howard said he didn't know how close Jimmy was with Bob. Robin said he's the one who organized the dinner with Bob and John Stamos. She said that she and Jimmy were talking about that last night.
Robin said Pete Davidson had a friend post for him saying that Bob was a great friend to him. He said he had some mental issues and Bob was a big help. Howard said he didn't know that. He asked why no one is checking in with him on his health issues. He said he's screaming for help on this show and no one is calling.
Howard said maybe he should help someone so there will be a list of people who say stuff like that. He said he has helped a couple actually. He said that they don't mention it. He said it's nice that Pete said that but everyone will forget about it in a week. He said that you still die alone in an Orlando hotel room even after doing that stuff.
Howard said maybe he'll call Pete and try to help him out. He said he thinks he'll be alright though.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon spoke about Bob too. He said he gave him 30 seconds. He said that Bob was a nice guy and he was very popular. He said he didn't know he was that nice. He said he was caught off guard about all of that.
Howard said he saw people posting pictures with Bob. He said he has some but he's keeping them to himself. He said no one calls to help him. He said it's weird. He said Bob never called. Robin said maybe they think he's holding together just fine. Howard said he's not. He said he's available to be helped.
Howard said Ralph claims that Bob helped him too. He said he doesn't want to hear it. Ralph got on and said that Bob helped his sister. He said that he did a lot of charity work for his own sister and Bob helped him. Howard said Bob's sister had Scleroderma and he had been raising money for it before his sister even got it. Ralph said that his sister got it and Bob hooked her up with the best guy at the Johns Hopkins. Ralph broke down and wasn't able to speak for a minute. Howard asked him to talk about what he does for him. Ralph laughed. Howard said he had better cry for him. Ralph said this is very upsetting. He said his sister flies in to see this guy twice a year. He said that when you're sick and you don't know why it's tough. He broke down again. Howard said he didn't know Ralph had emotions. He said this is a new side to Ralph. He said Chris Wilding is laughing at Ralph right now. Ralph laughed again. Howard said he's offended by that. Chris was laughing and got on and said that he hit the nail on the head that he's the meanest person on the planet. He said he is very touched by this. He said it's just very funny. Ralph said it's hard to talk about.
Howard said Ralph just gave Kimmel a run for the cry off money. He asked how they hooked him up with Bob. Ralph said that John noticed it with his sister and saw that she had Scleroderma. Howard said he played a doctor on TV so he must have picked up some skills. He said he just had to look at her.
Howard said one time the had to bring Rob Zombie to the hospital and the had Stamos with them. He said he went up and handled the whole thing because he had played a doctor on TV. He said he even consulted with the doctor.
Howard said he has another person on the phone who said that Bob helped her sister too. Howard asked her what her story is. The caller said the saw Bob at a show in Jersey and they met him and talked to him about her aunt who had Scleroderma and he helped her out with a doctor appointment. She said he was a beautiful man. Howard said there's no chance that he would have helped her based on that story. He said he would have run out of the room. Howard said he had no idea that Bob was a saint. He said he knew he was a nice guy.
Howard said he's not sure who is going to cry for him. He said he thinks that he's done more for Ralph than Bob ever did. Ralph said he has. He pretended to cry for him. Howard said that was a good story. Ralph said Howard is very important to him. He said he loves him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Bob helped her too. It was Chris doing his Blue Iris impression. She said Bob got her into Johns Hopkins and then fucked her.
Howard let Ralph go and said rest in peace Bob Saget. He said people wrote in about John Madden who the lost recently too. Howard said they talked to JD about playing the Madden video game. Howard read some feedback about that.
Howard said JD isn't the only one into the Madden game. He ha some audio of a person playing the game and getting excited about getting Dez Bryant on his team in the game. Howard played the clip of the guy freaking out when he got the player.
Howard said that's something huh? Robin said that she might have to play that game.
Howard said that guy, Novak Djokovic, also thinks that they can clean water with emotions. He had some audio of the guy talking about that nonsense.
Howard said this guy also discovered that he has gluten intolerance. He said he had a nutritionist show him how weak he was made by holding his arm down. He said he knew a guy who did something similar and he was a chiropractor. He said that this is the fake science that people believe in. Robin said when he cut out gluten in his diet he got really good. She said that he had trouble with his stamina. She said he became unbeatable. Howard said that's because he believes it.
Howard said this guy also thinks that pyramids give a magnetic power. He said a lot of nutty people believe in magnets. He said he's not sure what it is about magnets that does anything.
Howard said the area he thinks that have pyramids on are just hills. He said they're not pyramids. He said they've investigated it.
Howard said the fans wrote in about him wearing shoes in the house. He said Beth doesn't let him so he has special shoes for just inside the house. He said he has special shoes just for that and the fans ripped him for that. He read some of the feedback about that. He said he likes wearing them so he doesn't mind it.
Howard said the cats throw up every day and shit all over the place but he can't wear outside shoes inside. He read more feedback about that.
Howard took a call from himself from the past who wanted to yell at him about the shoe thing. Howard picked up and talked to himself about the shoe thing. Past Howard told him that he can't wear shoes in the house. He told a story about walking into the house with dog shit on his shoes. He got it on the white carpet. Howard ended up hanging up on himself.
Howard said he wants to credit himself with something. He said they talked to a fan about keeping in touch with the cast from Private Parts. Howard said one of the kids who played him as a young Howard, Bobby Boriello, and the went back and looked up the guy and found out that a lot of these kids have had success in show business. He said they looked up the kid who played him as a 16 year old. He said this kid was Matt Friedman. He played some clips of the kids acting in Private Parts. He said Matt went on to produce some albums for some famous people. He had a list of some of those people. He said Matt had his own band called The Brinks. He said you can see the kid has some ability.
Howard said Michael Macaroni played 12 year old him. He said he did the puppet show in the movie. He said Michael went on to be a big time TV producer. He said he has produced a bunch of shows. He said look at this. He said he's impressed. He said a lot of these children he took under his wing on the set. He said he's a mentor. He said they worked hard but they asked him for advice and he freely gave it.
Howard said they also had Sarah Hyland in the movie and she went on to be on Modern Family for 11 years.
Howard said behind the scenes he's a great guy. He said that it would be silly to brag about all of this on the air.
Howard said he has to take a break here. He said he wants to talk about Britney Spears before they move on to other things. He said she got her freedom. He said he will bring this up in a minute. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about the song that they were playing. He said this is Leslie West and he's probably hanging out with Bob Saget right now. He said what a maestro Leslie was. He said the lost a great one when they lost Leslie. Howard sang along with the song a bit. Howard said he's jerking off right now to this song.
Howard said he was talking to a friend of his over Zoom. He said they were talking about an asshole they know and he made the jerking off hand gesture and the guy said he was exaggerating a bit. He said he had to tone it down a bit.
Howard said he calls Robin just about every day and sometimes a couple of times a day. He said people may want to pick that up for their articles.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who he likes in the NFL playoffs this year since sports gambling is legal in New York. Howard said he's picturing after the playoffs that all of New York will be broke. He said gambling is for losers. He said that OTB is strewn with losers. He said Jon Hein is already homeless after just 3 days of it being legal.
Howard said he knows nothing about spots. He said he knows that Green Bay is the number one seed in the UFC. He said the Titans and Packers are the number 1 seeds. He said he'd like to see Tampa play New England. The caller said that won't happen. Howard said he likes the Bengals too. He asked JD if he's excited about that. JD said he is. He said he'll cry for sure if they win.
Howard said he thinks it would be great if Tampa played New England. JD said for ratings sure. He said he's not into it like Howard is. He said he'd like to see the Bengals vs anyone. He said he'll take them against the Packers. Howard said he must want them against someone they can beat. JD said sure.
Howard asked the caller what he thinks. The caller said it should be the Buffalo Bills since they're the only team playing in the state. That led to the guys arguing about if that's the case or not. Gary, Jon Hein and JD were all involved in that discussion.
Gary said he got involved n the online gambling thing when Jon told him about it. He said he already put bets on the Super Bowl. Howard asked if they give their credit card info out. Gary said he did. Jon said he did too. Howard said he's not sure that the should do that. Robin said he gives his out to Amazon. Howard said that's true.
Howard said they say the amount of money people are gambling on is amazing. Gary said you can bet on anything. Howard said he's so disgusted by Jon and JD rooting for teams that aren't New York teams. He said that they should be rooting for them there. He said he heard that Ronnie is becoming a Raiders fan in Vegas now. He said that's wrong. He said he lived in New York his whole life. Robin said he's contradicting himself because he always says you should root for a local team.
Ronnie said there's something about the team there and the always have things going on there. He said the games are great. He said they come back from nothing and win. He said he's watching the games.
Howard brought up the New England and Tampa thing again. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that. Howard said he thinks that he'd like to see Tampa beat New England. He said that Jon must spend a lot of time watching TV. Jon said he watches a lot of sports and other shows. He said that everyone in the room watches more than him though. Howard said he's out of his mind. Robin said he's delusional. Jon said they do watch more than he does. Howard said he bets his ass would be fused to the couch if he came over. Jon said there is an indentation.
Howard said Jon does love to watch TV. He asked how his vision is. Jon said it's pretty good but he wears glasses for TV.
Howard asked Jon about his betting on games. He said he had 50 bucks on one game. Gary told him to be honest about what he bet over the weekend. Jon had a few bets going on. Howard said he's surprised by this. He said he seems like a logical guy. Jon told Howard about the bets and Robin didn't know what a parlay meant so Jon had to explain that to her. He went on to explain the other bets he had and filled everyone in on the wins and loses he had. He said he's not the only one there doing it. Robin said they know that. She said it's a pandemic.
Jon and JD were goofing on each other about their teams. Howard asked the caller, Joe, what he thinks about this whole thing. He gave his thoughts on the Super Bowl and what he'd like to see there.
Howard said the only thing he knows about the Bills is that Jon Bon Jovi tried to buy them. He said he was putting all the money he had into that. He said Jon wanted to own a team because he loves football. He said he was bidding on them against Trump and people like that. He said they thought he was going to move the team but he wasn't. He said he was going to move up there. He said he was going to live and breathe that team but they started this rumor and the deal never went through. He said the fans were pissed at him. He said Jon thinks to this day that it was Trump who started the rumor. He said neither of them got the team. He said imagine that. He said they started this rumor and it's fucking crazy.
Howard said he knows that OJ went to a Bills game this year. He said they should have thrown him out. Robin said they can't because he's the most famous Bill. Howard said they should have booed him the whole time. He said there's no honor anymore. Howard let Joe go after that.
Howard said they say that she was doing therapy 7 days a week. He said if she wanted to buy gum she had to ask her father. He said that's how bad it was. He said it was pretty fucking bad.
Howard read more details about Britney and what she had to go through. He said they had a camera in her room and they watched her. He said they made her wear an IUD. He said now she's out and naked. He said evidently clothes were holding her back. He said every post is her in a skimpy outfit. He said she's dancing and singing all the time.
Howard said there was one post where she was vocalizing. He said he wasn't sure if she can still sing but she can. He played some audio of that. Robin said she sounds like her a little bit. Howard said he was impressed with that. He said she even went on Instagram and performed a skit of what her therapy sessions were like. He had some audio of that.
Howard said he thinks there might be something going on with her but dudes are like that too and no one has a conservator for them. He said that she shouldn't be locked up before any of those guys. He said he had Robin locked up and wearing an IUD. He said he had to put his penis in her just to make sure it was still in there. He said his parents tried to be his conservator. He said they denied him gum. He did his impression of his parents saying no to him about a bunch of things. He said he can't imagine the humiliation of having his parents in charge of him. He said they would be good. He said the have opinions on everything.
Howard said he feels for Britney. He said he can imagine what his parents would have been like if they were his conservators. He did his impressions and had his parents telling stories about the things they saw him do as a boy. They were talking about him eating his furniture. Robin asked what that was about. Howard said he thinks he was hungry for love. He said he'd just gnaw on the wood furniture.
Howard said his parents would have won in court if they had to bring him. He said they had a lot of stories. He said they had a list if things they could have brought up. He talked about a few of those things while doing his parent's voices. Robin said if they had done that it would have meant they wanted to be around him. Howard said they didn't think about that.
Howard said he's enjoying this Britney Spears being free thing. He had his mother talking about him wearing shoes in the house and not cutting his toe nails. He said imagine he's a super hero with long toe nails. He said he has to have Beth cut them. He said his feet hurt after he cuts them himself. He said she does a good job. Howard said he's so tall and not limber so he can't do it. He said she humiliates him while doing it though. He said that she asks him why he let them get so long. He said even his own psychiatrist asks why he can't do them himself. He said he thinks he should.
Howard said he likes being taken care of. He said Beth was taking care of them and she said that she saw some dirt under his big nail. He said she was saying her hand will smell if she takes it out. Howard said he feels bad letting them get so long because she has to cut them. He said she gets upset about the smell. He said she was toe nail shaming him. He said he wishes she'd come down and talk about it.
Howard said his feet don't smell. He said that he was wearing shoes without socks and they stunk to high heaven. He said now he wears socks. He said he keeps his feet clean and even his asshole. He said he bets that if Robin stuck her finger in his ass right now there wouldn't be a smell. Robin said she's sure there's a smell down there no matter what.
Howard asked if he should bring Beth in there to talk about his toe nails. Robin said she's not sure she'd talk about that. Howard said she will. Howard said he should just leave it alone. He said he has to take a break anyway. He said he has a lot of stuff to talk about. He said he has some Tan Mom stuff. He said Wolfie's grandmother died. He said that they can talk about that. He said he'll do the tribute right after the break. He said when she was on she brought a lot of feedback. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he didn't really like I Love Lucy that much. He said he'd watch the show as a kid. He said they were always on. He said you'd be forced to watch that stuff when nothing else was on. He said he was more into Ricky Ricardo. He said that Lucy was always in trouble and like a child on the show. He said it was like Ricky was her father. He said Lucy would complain and say she wanted a new dress. He said Ricky would put his foot down and she had to scheme to get money somehow. He said she'd have to nag him or figure out how to fool him. He said in one show Ricky had to spank her. He said that shit wouldn't fly now.
Howard said Fred and Ethel had a more normal relationship. He said Lucy was treated like Britney Spears. He said that was the major theme of the show. He said the show went off the air and they wanted to bring her back to TV somehow. He said they brought her back on the Lucy Show. He said she had no control over her own money and Mr. Mooney was her conservator. He said by that time her voice had changed like a man. He said every week she was scheming how to get an advance on her money from Mr. Mooney. He said that's what it was every week. He said it was Lucy's money but Mr. Mooney had to give it to her. Howard said this is like Britney Spears. He said it's like her dad was Mr. Mooney. He said they never explained why Lucy didn't have her own money. He said she was a grown ass woman.
Howard said he never really liked Lucy. He said Lucille Ball was a very angry person when she was interviewed. He said he's not sure what she was so angry about. He said he did dig Desi Arnaz. He said he was cool.
Howard said he saw a commercial for the Lucy and Desi show. He said he doesn't want to watch it though. He said that he has no desire to see that at all. He said if they explained why Lucy didn't have her own money maybe he'd watch. He said she had like 5 TV shows. He said he didn't watch any of them.
Howard said he has to get to his issue. He asked about his penis and what he was doing to get it that way. Ed said it's like a sausage. Howard said he's trying to figure out why it is. Ed said his penis is super engorged. Wolfie said it sounds like maybe he injected something like a porn star might do and it's not going down. Ed said he's not sure how to explain it. Howard asked who he's there with. Ed asked why he would say that. Howard said he said something about Robin wanting a picture of it. Ed said he was talking to her.
Howard said he knew a guy who had a cock so enlarged that he roasted it with peppers. He said it's hard to say what's going on. He said he had a guy on the show whose balls swelled up big because he had COVID. He said that was a result of COVID. Ed said they have an agreement not to talk about that stuff. Howard said he has no agreement. Wolfie said Ed thinks he has a lot of agreements with him. He said he thinks that he's sending him secret signals and stuff. Howard said oh boy. Ed said he was telling Wolfie that he never has a guest host. Howard said no one wants to hear that. He said no one is going to take his place. Ed said that people might want to hear him.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Chris (Chris Wilding) who said he was watching porno movies and his cock swelled up. He said it looks like a Philipino sausage.
Ed asked if he knows that cats have to have their anal glands cleaned sometimes. Howard said he does. He said sometimes Beth cleans his anal gland.
Howard said Ed thinks that the vaccine is made of abortions and stuff. He said he's not sure what's going on there. Ed said after age 32 you lose an inch... Howard asked of what? Wolfie said that he brought it up the other day with him and he said you lose an inch a year after that. He said if you do that then you'd be nothing by the time you get to the age of 90. Ed said he's turning 50 and he's not sure how tall he is. Ed said he was measured in 1988 and he as like 5 feet or something. He doesn't know how tall he is. Howard said that he's lost 18 inches of height since he was 32 then. He said he must have been 7'8'' tall then. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about with his penis. Wolfie said send him a picture of it and he'll look into it. Ed said he's not going to do that. He said he did have his ass eaten. He asked if Howard ever had that. Howard said no. He said no one wants that. He said one girl wanted to stick her finger up there and he freaked out.
Wolfie said that Ed has a delivery person who he talked into eating his ass and he has ass worms. He said that she broke off the relationship shortly after that. Ed said he doesn't have worms now. He said he got rid of them by taking baby powder and a hair dryer to them. Howard said the CDC web site says that's how you get rid of them. He said he probably still has worms. Ed said he did. He said he was clean when he was with this girl. Howard said he had worms. Ed said he had them.
Ed said he's been wearing really tight white jeans and that's hot looking. Howard said he's not a bad looking guy. He said you'd think he is but he's not. He said Robin even said that. Ed said Robin shook his hand and Howard didn't. Howard said he dated a porn star for a while. He said he must be good looking.
Howard asked why he'd wear white jeans because he's always shitting himself. Ed said he doesn't do that. Wolfie said he just told him a story about shitting his white jeans when he went out to the store and everyone saw it. Ed said that's right. He said he does like to show off his penis in the jeans. He said that's why he wears them. He said he bought used underwear at a garage sale. Howard said my goodness. He asked what it costs him. Ed said it was a couple of dollars. He said they were ''Tommy Hanes'' or something. Howard said he has Tommy John. Ed said that's what it was. He said he made sure they were good. Robin asked if he washed them. Ed said they were from a garage sale so of course not.
Wolfie said Ed once shit his pants and threw them in the corner. He didn't want to throw them out or wash them so he just left them there for months. Ed said that he's from New York so why does he give him a mid-west accent when he does the voice. Howard said Chris has that voice down.
Ed said he bought some underwear from a yard sale and they had holes in the ass. Howard said the guy probably had ass worms and poked holes in them.
Howard said he can't imagine buying underwear at a yard sale. Ed said that he isn't rich. He said he got some underwear that was clean. He said it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard said his priorities are fucked up. He said he can buy beer but not new underwear. Ed said it's just underwear. He said he'll be 50 years old. Robin said that didn't make sense at all.
Howard said he has to go. He said Beth is there. He told Ed to hang on. Howard told Beth what he was talking to Ed about. She said she's not interested in that. She said she didn't want to hear it. Ed said Beth is great. He said she had a great comment but he can't think of what it was but it was great.
Howard said Ed also shit his pants recently and he bought used underwear at a garage sale. Beth said go to the dollar story and get fresh ones there. Ed said he didn't know they had them there. Howard said he has to go. He let Ed go after that. He said send them a picture of his cock and they'll figure out what's going on with it.
Howard said he knows it's gross but he was embarrassed. He said that he doesn't like that he has to ask her to do that. He said even his psychiatrist said that he should do it himself. Beth said maybe he can try it again himself. She said she doesn't mind doing it though. Howard said he never smelled anything under his nails. He said that he's so clean. He said he told Robin earlier that she could stick a finger up his asshole and there wouldn't be a smell.
Howard said he's not a smelly guy. Beth said he's not. She said she never smells anything on him. Howard said he would be embarrassed. Beth said sometimes things smell under your toe nails. Howard said his feet were stinky because he wasn't wearing socks. He explained that earlier. He said now he wears socks. He said that way the shoes don't smell. Beth said even in the mornings his breath isn't smelly. He said he uses those Doctor's Toothpicks. Beth said that her dentist told her that they eat away at your gums so she'll never use them. Howard said they don't. They argued about that for a minute.
Beth said that people were asking what they're doing for his birthday. Howard said he wants to do something with her. Beth said no before he even said what it was. Howard said he doesn't want to do anything. He said he's going to open Robin's gift. He said he'll open what the kids sent to him. He said Beth might have gotten him something. He said he'll open that too. Beth said Howard loves presents.
Howard said he doesn't want to do anything but bang her. He said that's all he wants. He said check that off the list. He said his favorite meal is spaghetti and turkey meatballs or something. He said the doctor told him not to do it so he won't eat that. He said he can have it like once a year. Beth said that he wants a bagel so bad. Howard said he hasn't had one in two years.
Howard said Beth is eating like 4 cookies a night. He said he's like ''What the fuck?'' Beth said she made some thumb cookies that are huge. She said she was eating like 3 a night. Howard said he was jealous.
Howard said he's going to let her go. Beth said happy birthday to him. Howard said she does love him. He said he loves letting her take care of him. He said she likes it. He said he does such a bad job of it. Robin said she has to take care of herself. Howard said he figured her nails would be 9 inches long by now.
Howard said Verna was very blunt about people not wearing masks. He played a clip of her talking about what she had to go through with masking and vaccines. She said that they weren't allowed to leave the house when she was younger.
Howard said his father told him a story about yellow fever or something like that where they were afraid to go to the hospital because they'd die there.
Howard said Wolfie once interviewed his grandmother about sex stuff. Howard played a clip of Verna talking about how she likes white penis and she has never had a black guy and she will never be with one.
Howard asked Wolfie about this thing that his grandmother had. Wolfie said this thing is called a Booboo Mama and it was something that they'd put in the room if they wanted kids to stay out of the room. He said that it's not clear if it was a racist thing. Howard said just send it to Mel Gibson. Wolfie showed it to Howard and did the voice that they did to scare the kids with it. He said he's not sure what to do with it. Howard said he's strangely attracted to this Booboo Mama thing. Wolfie said he's not sure why they came up with this whole thing and scared kids with it.
Howard had some more audio of Verna talking about living in a nursing home and what that was like for her. She told stories about people robbing the dead in the nursing home.
Howard said in the final interview Wolfie talked to his grandma about people stinking in the nursing home. He played a clip of her talking about how she'd tell on them if they stink. She said she'd tell them to their face too.
Howard said Verna gave them a lot of laughs over the years. He said Sal and Richard prank called her once and convinced her that they were filling a Viagra prescription for her husband. Howard played that call. Howard said she was scared of that hard penis in that call. He said the had a lot of fun with her. He said the were very sorry to hear that she died. He said they should have done more taping with her. Wolfie said she was a big fan of Howard's too. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am
Howard started the show talking about why he's extra miserable today. He said he can't stand the whole JDini persona. He said they have him do this bit on the show and the team comes up with great lines for him but he'll blow it with that dumb voice he does. Robin said he usually drops it mid-bit. Howard said he did tell him it's his birthday today so don't ruin the jokes. He said they have 17 solid jokes. He said don't fuck him with that.
Howard said Beth wants him to do a birthday show but he doesn't want that. He said last night he got up in the middle of the night and said ''Oh fuck!'' He said he didn't remember doing it. He said he tries to wake up in a good mood but he can't do it. He said he put his foot on the floor this morning and he had a muscle cramp. He said he did the Peloton yesterday for a half hour and it must have fucked him up. He said he hurt his thigh doing it. He said Beth also thought this year was going to be a horrible year so that's in his head. He said he tried to get her to take it back. He said they were in a fight on New Year's and she said that because of that. He said she said she was bored that night and that was a low blow. He said she also said that she sees something horrible happening this year.
Howard said he tried to put his foot on the floor and he had this pain in his thigh. He said he's never had it before. He said Beth asked what they were doing for the show today for his birthday and he had nothing. He said he has a message from Beetlejuice and from Bob Saget actually. He said he'll play that Bob Saget clip now. He said everyone was crying over Bob on the show yesterday. He said Ralph caught him by surprise. Howard played the clip of Bob wishing him a happy birthday. He played that quick clip and said he can play the Beetlejuice clip too.
Robin said the best thing was Ben Stiller saying that Bob Saget agreed to officiate the memorial service for their mother. She said he just did everything. Howard said maybe Bob was Jesus revisiting the planet. Robin said Jesus did love hot women so maybe.
Howard said yesterday was one Bob Saget miracle after another. He said he had Jimmy talking about him and then Ralph saying that he helped save his sister. He said there was a lot going on.
Howard played a message from Beetlejuice for his birthday. Beetlejuice said a happy birthday and told him to kiss his ass. He said that he's a smart ass and he should kiss his own ass. He said ''Happy New Year you fuck'' too. Howard said that's a special message since he's not on Cameo or anything. He said that was something.
Howard said he shares his birthday with Rob Zombie and Allie Wentworth too. He said she's not affected by COVID. He said she's out saying she's ready to get together as soon as this is over. He said she's not in hiding like he is. He said every year Rob and Allie write him. He said he got up and sent them a note before the got to it. Robin said that Oreo the cookie is also celebrating today. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said they have a new cookie flavor. She said it's never been done before. She said it includes sprinkles in the cookie and in the filling. Howard said he hates sprinkles. Howard said it's an amazing accomplishment to have a cookie that lasts 110 years. He said that's something. He said there was that Hydrox cookie that was a rip off of Oreo. He said he assumes they were around first. He said he never ate Hydrox. Gary said they say that Hydrox came first. Howard said he loves stories like that. He said it's like Oprah coming after Phil Donahue. He said this is like Wetsons who came before McDonald's. He said they were a franchise before them. He said they had really good food. He said he used to eat there. Howard said they never figured out how to get out of their own way. He said McDonald's beat the shit out of Wetsons.
Howard said Hydrox is a horrible name for a cookie. He said it sounds like a chemical company. He said Oreo is something. He said that's amazing to be around for 110 years. He said there are so many good cookies out there. He said they have fresh stuff all over the place. He said someone goes into the store and picks that instead. He said that's an amazing story. He asked if they're part of a public company. Jon Hein said they're with Nabisco.
Howard said his old man was into the stock market and he had no money. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about having stuff around the house that wasn't fixed because his dad wouldn't pay for it. He said she'd be complaining about that and saying that his dad didn't think that they needed to fix it. He said he assumed his old man was broke. He said they didn't do jack shit for him but he had to do something to help them fix things in the house. He said he had to be Jesus for the Stern clan. He said if the NY Post found out they were living in squalor then they'd bury him. He said they're the reason his parents aren't living in a shithole. Howard said he'd pay for it. He said his mother told him he didn't have to but he did. He said that his father didn't say a word.
Howard said it cost him something in the six figure range to fix it all. He said his father didn't say a word. He said that was money he could have used too. He said it wasn't easy. He said he put up everything. He said they fixed it all up and his old man walked him around showing him the improvements. He said he didn't say thanks or anything.
Howard said he was waiting for the big thank you but it never came. He said he asked how he liked it and he said it was very nice. He said that's all he got out of him. He said he never thanked him. He said his mother said he won't say it but he likes it. Howard said it's a bummer.
Howard said after that he hangs up and finds out that his mother called Beth instead. He said Beth told him that she called and she figured it must be important. He said that they assume something bad happened. He said he can't do anything if his dad dies or something. He said he can't revive the old man if that's the case. He said she has to be patient. Robin said he hasn't taught her anything. She won't learn a lesson now. Howard said it's just easier to pick up and interrupt everything he's doing. He said the emergency was that his sister was going to the dentist. He said his mother was worried about that. He said she was in tears talking to Beth about that. He said that she figured something horrible must have happened. He said Beth didn't know what to do. She called his sister and she told him that her appointment isn't until tomorrow and nothing is going on.
Howard said his mom was convinced something bad happened to his sister. He said going to the dentist is like going to the electric chair for his mother. He said that she was so afraid of the dentist growing up. He said he wasn't allowed to have Novocaine as a kid. He said she would refuse to let him have it. He said she didn't believe in it. He said the dentist would tell him to raise his hand if the pain got to be too much. He said that's what he's talking about.
Howard said the dentist would begin the drilling. He said that he'd have to take his time because he didn't have any pain relief. He said his mother was like these kooks today with the vaccine. He said it was no big deal but his mother was against it. He said his father didn't care about it. He said he just went to work and didn't give two fucks. Howard said everyone is living in the lap of luxury now. He said he's taking care of that.
Robin said when her mother was having issues she took over running everything. She said she was going to get thrown out of the hospital and she went to visit her and stopped it. She said that her mother said she was lucky to have had her. She said at least one of them was lucky.
Howard said his mother thinks that if you go to the dentist something horrible will happen. He said his mother had issues with her dentist growing up. He said it's personal so he won't mention that. He said that they never got the proper care as kids so they have a lot of trouble with their bite and such.
Howard said his teeth look like a crossword puzzle. He said some people never go to the dentist and have great teeth. He said his look fine now because he goes to a wonderful dentist who corrected the mistakes. He said what a nightmare. He said he used to go to the dentist every week. He said he had such pain from it.
Howard said this is some birthday he's having today. He said it's just crazy. Robin asked if his parents will call today. Howard said off the air they will. He said his mom will. He said his dad can't hear a thing so he won't be on the phone. Robin asked if his father would send a note. Howard said no way. He said he doesn't have the time to do that. He said he got a note once telling him how shitty he was on radio. He said he was right but it was a little brutal.
Howard said his mother was on fire yesterday. He said his sister is fine and her appointment is today. He said he asked her to please answer her phone when mom calls. He said he wants to be left out of it. He said he talked to his mother about it and she was apologetic about the whole thing. He said that she had the wrong date. He said he told her to just wait for him to call her back instead of trying to call Beth. He said just trust that he'll call her back. He said that Peter and Ellen didn't call back. He said the must both have been busy. He said everyone was trying to solve this problem. He said there was no problem though.
Howard said he did the Peloton thing but they have a bunch of needy mother fuckers on there. He said he's doing the class that's recorded and if someone is in the class at the same time someone can ask you for a high five. He said can you imagine that. He said imagine you're in a class and you ask for that. He said he'd want to punch them in the face. He said don't interrupt him. Robin said it's inappropriate to do that. Howard said this hand came up on the screen and someone asked for a high five. He said he wasn't going to do that. He said you need a fuck off button on there. He said you can't stop it from happening. He said you're so needy to ask for it. He said that's how fucked up people are. He said in order to set that up you have to slow down. He said now he's not paying attention to the instructor. He said he was just going to get rid of it by pressing the hand thing. He said he was poking the screen and it's just annoying.
Robin said Howard has confused having boundaries with being a scumbag. Howard said he's not doing the thing he needs. He said he should be doing the things that are good for him. He said he acts like that's going to kill someone if he doesn't do the high five. He said he's not sure what he's high fiving someone for. He said you out of shape mother fucker. He said you're so childish you need a high five from a stranger. He said he's never high fived someone in his life. He said it's so wimpy.
Howard said every year on his birthday they put together a list of things he hates. He said he had to stop listening because it was so long. He went right into that clip and let the hate play. He hated everything and the clip went on and on.
Howard said he really does hate high five. He said you never see him high five. He said he will do it but he won't ask for it. He said he's not that needy. He said he hopes that high five has died with COVID. Robin said that people don't know what to do when they greet you. She said they will hold out their hand or take it back and then elbow or fist. She said they don't know what to do.
Howard said they called a radio show with a joyologist and used his hate list. He said this is not an edited clip. He said they have all of his hates in the computer and they made it sound like a conversation. He played the call where the had Howard talking about everything he hates and the Joyologist was trying to help out. They just had Howard talking about everything that he hates. Eventually the joyologist got him to be happy for a short time. They had Howard all happy until a clown came around and he said he hates clowns. Then he said he hates fireworks and things like that. He was cursing so the show hung up on him.
Howard said he likes the song they played at the end. He said that was ''Walking on Sunshine.'' Gary said that was Katrina and the Waves. Howard said what an awful song. He said the sure sucked the joy out of the joyologist.
Erik said he's having pasta tonight just like Howard is. He said he changes it up every night so he's not eating it all the time. He said he's starting his new diet this year. Howard said so did Oprah. He said she said she's throwing out everything that's bad in the house and starting all over. He said she was saying that Gayle King had made a cake for the holidays. He said she was throwing that out. He said it was a giant cake and it looked like a brick. He said it was 3 feet long and 3 feet deep. He said Gayle has some tuchas too. He said they're not following the Weight Watchers credo. He said come on already with the WW thing. He said he must be the only one who knows what's going on there.
Howard said he once told Gayle that he wanted to steal her away from Oprah. He said she said that Oprah would probably love him. He said he never did find out. He said he's not sure why she'd give Oprah a giant cake like that. He said it's like bringing alcohol to a sober person.
Howard said he gave Sam Kinison a case of champagne once and he opened it all in one night. He said you have to see this Oprah Instagram stuff. Robin said she didn't know about this Oprah Daily thing that she does. She said the have this journal and now she gets email from them every day. She said she just realized it recently. She said they have an Oprah shop and they sell products there. She said you can subscribe every month to hear from Oprah too. Howard said she has her hands on everything. He said there's no end to the money over there. He said he can't milk his audience by charging them for everything. He said it's nice enough that they pay for the Sirius subscription. He said his agent tells him he doesn't want to be one of those guys.
Howard said Oprah doesn't seem to be embarrassed. He said she will take money for anything. He said maybe his agent is working with Oprah. He said he always agrees with him about what not to do. He said they're always milking the audience and he won't do that. He said he has enough money. He said it would be nice to have Oprah money. He asked when she's going to start farting in a jar and selling it to people.
Howard asked how great it would have been if he had become friends with Gayle and she left Oprah for him. Howard said he really was going to make that move. He said he thinks Gayle was hungry for love so he was going to try to get her. He said he was going to tell her it was him she was looking for. Howard made up what that conversation might be like. He was sweet talking Gayle trying to convince her to be with him. He said he has to tell Beth he has to go fuck Gayle and see how Oprah reacts to it. Erik tried to get in on the bit by being Gayle but Howard told him to stop and hung up.
Howard read about the Oprah insider club that Robin had mentioned. He read about the stuff you get in the club and the bonuses that are involved. He said that his agent is right about this kind of stuff.
Howard said they paid Oprah to have a show there and it was like her doing 2 shows a year where she talked to Gayle. He said they paid her $50 million to do that. Howard made up some stuff that you can get in this club. He said it's just awesome.
Howard said that Oprah can't be spending any time on that thing. He said she must have a team. He said he might have to subscribe to see what it's all about. He said he bets it's useless. He said he has something called Recomendo and they have stuff that you can check out. He said Jimmy turned him on to that.
Howard said that was beautiful. He said Phoebe was a lovely woman. He said she had that song Poetry Man that was great. He said she had a bit of a weight issue. He said the had a video for that and the showed her from the nose up. He said that was when everyone was trying to be a sex pot. He said Phoebe was a lovely woman. He said she was very well grounded. He said her daughter was very handicapped and Phoebe loved her daughter so much. He said it wrecked her when she died. He said the daughter lived much longer than they thought she would. Robin said that affected her career trajectory. She said she spent a lot of time with her and nurtured her. Howard said Phoebe did a song with Paul Simon. Gary said that was God at Last.
Howard said this is Bon Jovi and others who did ''With a Little Help from My Friends'' and it was something. He said Bon Jovi returned to the show after their feud with him. He said it was a real surprise when Robin introduced the band. Robin said it was a long walk up there and Howard had this look of fear on his face up there. Howard said it was an amazing moment. He said the backing band was led by Max Weinberg. He said he was the drummer for the E Street Band. He said that band ended up being on Conan O'Brien's show. He said this was from 30 years ago. Gary said what was so amazing about it was that Bon Jovi came in to just fix things and not to perform. He said the went to break and Jon went to the band and they set up a song during the break. Howard said he remembers that. Howard played some of that performance.
Howard said that was a great moment. He said Jon is a close friend. He said he was at his house before the lock down. He said Jon and his wife are a great couple. He said he's really glad he inducted the band at the hall of fame. He said it was a hassle but Jon is such a good guy. He said the go in and feed the homeless at a shelter. He said that they're amazing. Robin said that's why he has a rest area on the Garden State Parkway. Howard said he had one but it was taken away. He said he forced his way into it. He said that the rest area was really bad and it was an area for guys to blow each other. He said the shut it down. Robin said that was a good reason to shut it down. Howard said Jon an Dorothea are good people. He said they're really good people and saintly. He said he'd do that stuff but he's very busy. He said he doesn't want to cramp their style either. He said just to sacrifice your time is a big deal. He said he's busy with selfish concerns himself. Robin said it's like that joy coach said, go be a joy to someone. Howard said okay.
Howard said Bon Jovi sold like 100 million albums or something. He said Jon might be right up there with Bob Saget being a good person. Robin said they're just finding out about this stuff after Bob is gone.
Howard said another highlight is David Bowie performing at a show but not being interviewed by him. Robin said she had to talk to him and his people. She said that she had to assure him that things were going to be alright. Howard said people are afraid of him. Howard said this was when he was working with Trent Reznor and he amped up his sound. He said he really liked this song. He said it was ''I'm Afraid of Americans'' and ''Fame.'' He said with his new style it was weird. He said the Wack Pack were there and he was performing for them. He played some of the ''I'm Afraid of Americans'' performance.
Howard said the big birthday show was 8 years ago. He said he's done with the birthday shows now. He said in 2014 they had Train as the house band and Adam Levine did ''Purple Rain.'' He said this was something else. He played some of that performance. He said that's Adam playing guitar.
Howard said that was a great moment on the show. He said he gets nostalgic when he thinks about his career. He said he goes back to thinking about WRNW and spinning records all alone. He said he thought that was going to be the highlight of his career. He said now he's had guys like this performing at his birthday shows. He said there were so many great performances. He said the show has turned into this huge thing and he never would have imagined it would have gone that far. He said he gets very nostalgic thinking about that. Howard said that's very impressive. He was talking about Adam's performance.
Howard said Adam told him that Prince heard his version of the song and said that he told him that he's learning. Robin said Prince was very tough. Howard said Steven Tyler is someone he worships. He said Slash too. He said that they got together at the birthday show and he thinks that Dave Grohl was playing drums. He played some of that performance of ''Dream On'' too. He said it was a really great show. He said he should have retired after that show. Robin said it would have been a good one to go out on.
Howard said that was all live too. He said no machines or anything. He said that's just a preview of the special that's on this weekend on Howard 101. He said that's on the app too.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Courtney Love was so good. He said he's not sure what happened there. Robin said there are a lot of theories. Howard said people said she took songs from Kurt Cobain but Billy Corgan says that's not the case. He said some people think this song as written about Bill Corgan. He said she performed this song live once and said that she had hexed the guy it was about and now he's losing his hair. He said music in the 90s was so great.
Howard said he likes Courtney Love. He said she didn't need any pushing to talk. He said she'd say anything and get sued by 7 people. He said just mention she's on the show and lawyers would line up. He said god bless her wherever she is. He said that Courtney said that she wondered which super model Kurt would have left her for if he had lived. Howard said she's so good. He said her album was good too. He said he doesn't care who wrote it or not.
Howard took a call from a guy who wished him a happy birthday. He said he wanted to call in and ask if they have figured out an easier way to get Beth down there. Howard said he was thinking about a bell like George Takei has. Howard said he can just text her. He said that she was really hung up on them not doing a birthday show. He said she joked about coming down in lingerie. He said he asked her to come down and sing to him. He said she said no to that too.
Howard said he knows it takes a while for Beth to get down there. He said he it might take 20 minutes. He said she has to fix her hair and stuff before coming down. He said it's fine. He said he as thinking about of a Beth Signal like the Bat Signal.
Howard said he should do something but he kind of has an intercom system. He said she won't pick it up anyway. He said he's not even sure how to use it. He said he could cut a hole in the ceiling and she could slide down. He said imagine if he did that.
Howard said he doesn't have a special show today but the do have JDini coming on today. He said JD will ruin it with that dopey voice he does. He said he can wait a while and get more nervous about that. Howard said he's going to have to get into it. He said last time it was really bad and not funny. He said JD doesn't come up with the lines though. He said they have really funny lines but he'll fuck them up. He said that's part of the charm though. He said he didn't let him pre-read his lines. He said he told him no. He said he told JD a lot of people worked hard on these lines. He said they have 17 joke lines. He said now JD is complaining about the cap he's wearing. He said that he'll have spoons floating around his head with special effects. He said they have some production value in this bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how often he watches his birthday bash. Howard said he doesn't really watch the whole thing. He said he'll just see some of the clips they've put out. He said the one he watches over and over again is the Adam Levine one where he does Purple Rain. He said he was watching Jon Bon Jovi watching that one where he did Wanted Dead Or Alive. He said he watches Steven Tyler and Slash too. The caller said the Sarah Silverman and Natalie Maines song is great too. Howard said it is. The caller said that they have some great references to the show in that. He said the Dave Grohl thing was cool too.
Howard said Pat Monahan sang some of ''Wanted Dead or Alive'' with Jon too. He said that was great. The caller said that they had some great moments in that show. He said this shows his dad what he was able to do.
Howard said he worked as dishwasher and the guy there told him that he was the best dishwasher he ever had. Howard said he doesn't want to get into his dad right now. He hung up on the caller.
Howard said the Purple Rain video has 69 million views on YouTube. He talked about the Gangnam Style video and how he still watches that. He said it might be the best video ever made. He said it's that and that one where Emily Ratajkowski is naked. He said he's watched that a lot. Robin said she's never seen it. Howard said he loves Neil Young and some of the videos he's put out but you have to watch some things like that Gangnam Style. He said you knew it was that guy's one moment. He said you knew he wasn't going to have another hit.
Howard said he was going to contact Psy and Emily Ratajkowski and have them in a video together. He said that way he'd have these two big forces together. He said he'd have both of them naked.
Howard said there are three naked women in that ''Blurred Lines'' video. He said the only one you look at is Emily. He said these people who say she's ugly are just trolls. He said that Psy video has 4 billion views. He said he's not sure there are that many people on the planet. He said he's not sure how many views Blurred Lines has. Jon said that's up around 4 billion too. Howard said he's sure that the most views are on the naked version of that song video.
Robin said she just read a story about the last woman who was the wife of Hugh Hefner and how she just announced that she's living a very modest life now. She said that she's had every fake thing taken out of her body and she's going for a natural look. She said that all of the guys have left and she has a total female entourage. Howard said we all evolve.
Howard said the Robin Thick video has 4.4 billion views and the Psy video has 4.3 billion. Howard said he's not sure what that .3 means. Robin said that means it's 300 million. Howard said that's a lot. Robin said the .1 between them is only 100 million. Howard said she's good at math.
Howard took a call from a guy, Randy, who wished him a happy birthday. Howard thanked him. Randy said that he spoke to him last April. Howard said he's not sure who he is. Randy said he's Randy the Furry. He said it's been a while and a lot has been going on. He said he lost his mom 2 months ago and he went to a furry convention and he forgot about his worries there. Howard said he doesn't know what a furry is. Randy said he's a person who dresses up as an animal. Howard asked if he was interested in that. Randy said he was. Howard said he's trying to remember why he was into that. Howard said he was into chloroforming people. Randy said they're not into that anymore. He said he's had too much death in his life so they don't do that. He said that he was into death play and he would make people pass out. Wolfie was on the line and told them more about Randy and what he was up to. He said he's a Brony and a Wolfie and he date only trans women. Howard asked if he'll date a trans woman if she still has her cock. Randy said he will. He said you love the person no matter what they have. Howard asked when he last banged a woman with a cock. Randy said that was on New Year's with his girlfriend. Howard asked if his girlfriend still has her penis. Randy said she does. He said she's on hormones now and trying to get rid of it.
Howard asked Randy about his girlfriend getting a boner when he turns her on. Randy said that she doesn't get one like he and Howard would. He said that it's more of a mental thing now. He said some days she doesn't want her penis touched and other days she does. Howard asked if she shaves her balls. Randy said they're all shaved. Howard said he can't wait to tell his wife about his birthday show today.
Wolfie said that they're in an open relationship so that's kind of dangerous with the pandemic going on. Randy said that there's a lot going on there. He tried explaining but Howard cut him off and asked if there's anything he's not into. Randy said when he was younger he didn't get to explore stuff that much. He said that he knows that he's not into the pee and poo stuff. Howard asked if any of the trans girls he's with have a vagina. Randy said not yet. He said his girlfriend has breasts though. He said they're between a B and a C. He said they're awesome to grab on to when you bang her. Howard said that's really nice.
Wolfie asked Randy about being with a trans woman who is married and he got to watch them together. Randy was starting to explain that but Howard interrupted with more questions. Randy said that he is banging a straight gay guy too. He said that's just a play thing. Howard asked what a straight gay guy is. Randy said that he's just openly gay. He said he's going to become bisexual because his partner is transitioning. Howard said this is hard to keep up with.
Howard asked Randy what he did with the girlfriend when they had sex. Randy said he does it in the ass cheeks and comes on her back.
Howard took a call from Mildred (Chris Wilding) who said she'd let him chloroform her and then lick her cunt. Randy said he has an age limit. He said he's not into that. He said his age limit is 38 or 39. Wolfie said he has to be more open minded.
Howard said he has to move on to JDini. He was going to let Randy go but he said that he would want to know that the Brony conventions are taking COVID very seriously. He said you have to be tested before and after the convention. He said he's getting tired of people who think it's a joke. Howard said maybe call off all Brony conventions during the pandemic. Randy said the hotels have to do it or they have to pay the groups that want to have the conventions.
Howard took a call from Randy's (fake) girlfriend who was just a guy with a New York accent. Howard let that go on for a minute. Randy said they're funny. Howard let the girlfriend go and took a call from a guy who told Randy he's a fucking freak. He went off on the guy and told him he's a fucking weirdo. Howard said not everyone is as evolved as he is. He said that people get fired up because they're jealous of Randy. He said that there's not anyone he won't fuck. Robin said it's crazy to get so upset. Randy said that they give back to the community. He said they gave over $10,000 per convention to animal charity. He said they give across the country and around the world. He said they give to a lot of organizations. Howard said he gets it, he's a do gooder. He let him go after that.
Howard went into the bit and talked up JDini and had him tell them what will happen. JDini can tell them the future. JD was already laughing. He said it's great to be back on the show. Howard said he's able to tell them the secrets of the universe other than how he landed his wife. JDini said he predicts the next pandemic will come from whatever bacteria is floating around in the hot tub at the Bachelor mansion. Howard said that joke didn't go over very well. He said it was funny before he read it. He told JDini to slow it down.
JDini said Pete Davidson will fuck every hot woman on the planet and then have to move on to 8s. Howard asked how soon he can get Randy the Furry back on the line.
Howard asked JDini what other predictions he has. JDini said he predicts that in 2022 Mickey Dolenz will announce he's going on tour as The Monkee. Howard said that was a good line too but JDini screwed it up. Howard said he's the destroyer of great comedy.
Howard asked JDini what else he has to predict. JDini said he predicts anti-vaxxers will get the COVID shot as soon as it's re-marketed as Tucker Carlson's Freedom Jizz.
Howard asked what else he has. JDini said that he predicts that Antonio Brown will be given a punishment as a 5 year member of the NY Jets.
Howard said the writing staff is on the phone and wants to interrupt. He kept making jokes about JDini ruining the bit. Howard took the call and the guy said all he has to do is read. Howard said they're good jokes. The writer said they spent all night writing the jokes. Howard said he won't get fired.
Howard had JDini tell some more predictions. JDini said he predicts that Mike Pence will finally come out of the closet. He said he's not gay but he's been hiding in there since the lunatics showed up at the Capitol.
Howard made some more jokes about JDini ruining the jokes and took a call from fake Jennifer Witz who told JDini to pack his shit and get off her airwaves.
Howard asked JDini for more predictions. JDini said he predicts Taylor Swift will suffer a traumatic head injury and she'll be forced to change her name to Taylor Slow. Robin said that was funny. Howard said it was but JD laughed through it so he ruined it.
JDini said that he predicts that NASA will find out that UFOs are billionaires from other galaxies. Howard said that's a good joke. Robin didn't think so. She said it was taking too much explanation.
Howard asked JDini for another prediction. JDini said he predicts that Vanilla ice will sell his entire catalog to Sony for a hand full of Cheese Doodles. Howard said that's funny. He had to explain the joke again though.
Howard asked JDini for another prediction. JDini said that he predicts that Howard Stern's favorite new show is ''My 1000 Pound Transgender Step Mom Life'' or something like that.
JDini had another prediction which was a complete collapse of the global birth rate when Nick Cannon gets a vasectomy. Robin chuckled at that one. Howard said he predicts that they'll never do this again.
Howard asked JDini for another one. JDini said he has a few more. He said he predicts that the Equalizer will face her most dangerous foes yet, hypertension and diabetes. Howard had to read that one since JD was laughing again.
Howard asked JDini for another one. He had to answer a knock at the door first. It was fake Dan Rather who was saying there's a mass suicide in the writer's room there. He said they're begging him to read at least one without messing it up. He said it's a mess in the writer's room.
Howard said maybe they should have JD read it in his own voice. Dan said that could work. Howard had JD read one as himself. He said the next COVID variant will be called the Andy Cohen Variant.
Howard asked for another prediction but then said he's cutting down the last few. He said do the Ronnie one. JDini said he predicts that Ronnie will finally admit that he made a mistake moving to Vegas when a dildo melts in his ass. He screwed that one up when he said ''deldo.''
Howard said he thinks he's just going to end it now. He looked over the jokes and said that there was one good one about Jeff Bezos getting all unvaccinated people off the planet by luring them into a space ship shaped like Donald Trump's asshole. He thanked JDini for ruining the jokes they worked on for days. JDini said he apologizes. Howard said that's okay. He said thank you for that and Fred played the ''Thank you, thank you, thank you'' drop.
Howard said how exciting that was. He said that was fun to be part of the small pox of comedy. He said good job to JD. JD said thanks. Robin said he had a great line and wasn't able to get out the word dildo. Howard said that was a good one. He looked over the list again and read the joke.
Howard said that was good stuff. He said that he doesn't think it's the funniest thing ever written but it was a chuckle. He said that was a jokes Jamestown. He said maybe next year they can do Rondini. He said that might work out better. He said Jim Meyer is on the phone. He took the call from Fake Jim who was very upset over that bit.
Howard said they did talk to Mike Pearlman yesterday. He said the fans wrote in about that. He had some feedback from fans who said they believe Ronnie and some who said they believe Mike. Howard read through a bunch of that stuff. Howard said some people want to get Ed Torian to come in and do a lie detector test on Mike.
Howard said someone said there's some sexual tension there with Mike and Ronnie. Howard said someone pointed out that when Ronnie was hypnotized he said that Mike Pearlman is the guy who he'd fuck if he was a woman. Howard said he went back and pulled that clip. He played it and Ronnie was really worked up over Mike.
Bobo said he was reading about a guy who was given a pig heart in the NY Times. Howard said that's fantastic. Robin said the pig was raised to be close to human. She said this guy wasn't able to get on the list for a heart transplant so he wanted the experiment done on him. Robin said that the did it at the University of Maryland where she went to school. Robin said this is totally experimental but the guy is doing okay right now. Howard asked how long it's been going on. Robin said it's been days. Howard said Robin thought he had a face transplant from a pig when she met him. He said they had a good laugh that day.
Howard said he just hung up on Bobo and wishes he hadn't. He said he knew there was something about him swearing on his child's life. He said they said that he once swore on his son's life that he fucked a vacuum cleaner. He said that he assured them that he never swore on his son's life but he did. He said it doesn't matter if it was about a lie or not, he swore on his son's life.
Robin said they'll have to see how this guy did with the heart transplant. Howard said it just happened on Friday.
Howard got Bobo back on the line and said he did swear on his son's life once. He said that he swore that he had fucked a vacuum cleaner. Bobo said that was back when he was young. He said it was the central vacuum. Howard said he's bragging about that. He said he sniffs when he brags and he just sniffed. He did an impression of Bobo doing that.
Howard said he just wanted it to be on the record that he did swear on his kid's life. Bobo said he doesn't remember that. He said he wouldn't lie and swear. Howard had a clip from that day and played it for Bobo. In the clip Howard had Bobo swear on his son's life that he fucked the vacuum cleaner. Bobo swore on his son's life. Bobo said he had a moment of weakness. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she thinks this was a great birthday show and Mike Pearlman is lying. She said that he'll go to his grave with that lie. Howard let her go after she asked if he saw the Mets Christmas card. Howard had no idea what she was talking about.
Howard said on March 9th Bobo also swore on his son's life about not buying bots for his social media. Howard said they already found 2 instances that he swore on his children's lives. He said unbelievable.
Howard said the fans were touched by that. He said that Ralph is saying that he didn't cry and it was his phone connection that made it worse. Ralph said he does cry all the time. He said he was more choked up than anything. Howard asked if he's ashamed that he cried. Ralph said no. He said he cries all the time at TV and movies.
Howard read some of the feedback about that call. He had some people who touched by that. Howard replayed the Bob Saget birthday message for him too. Ralph pretended to cry over that. He said that Chris was laughing at him yesterday over that but Chris was crying over that guy who fucked him in the ass in Panama. He said he was crying on the air. Howard said what he finds funny is that they told him this relationship wasn't going to last and it didn't. He said Chris was on the air talking about how in love he was and next thing you know it's over.
Howard asked if Ralph has talked to Chris about this guy. Ralph said he did think that he was being too open with the guy. He said that he's a catch and he was running around like this guy was a god. He said he wasn't a 10 or anything. He said he should calm down with the abs talk. He said every minute he was about the guy's abs. He said Chris has a weird ab fetish. He said he was turned on by the Batman costume. He laughed at Chris over that.
Howard said he relates to Chris because he was attracted to women in belly shirts. He said they had a flat stomach and he'd get excited about that. He said they had nothing else. Ralph said he would get so excited over that. He said Howard knew this woman was a pain in the ass but she wore a belly shirt. He said she was so annoying but she had a belly shirt. Howard said she wasn't annoying. He said he's talking about stuff before he was even famous. Robin said she remembers Howard talking to a Snapple girl at the Channel 9 show and they had such an inane conversation going on. Howard said it was just a thing with him. He said he's never had a flat belly but he admires it in other people.
Howard said we can get crazy over things. Chris said he admits he was infatuated with the guy. He said he did cry over the guy a lot. He said he got a growth on his eye from crying so much. He said he had to go to a doctor over that. He said his tear duct clogged up.
Howard asked what broke them up. Chris said it was the ex who was coming back into town and they were going to be hosting parties together. Ralph said Chris knew all of this. He said the red flags were up. Chris said he had the guy in his life since 2018 and they weren't serious until just recently. He said now they've blocked each other and it's very upsetting.
Howard asked what Ralph makes of the fact that Chris is not a bottom but he gave his ass to this guy. Ralph said that's pretty major. He said he was pounding him hard from what he hears. Chris said they were putting holes in walls from it. Howard asked how his ass is after that. Chris said the guy had a penis that didn't cause permanent damage. He said that it wasn't small but it was a good size for that.
Howard asked Ralph if he thinks that Chris should have been more withholding of his ass. Ralph said he's not sure about that. He said it was the general stuff with this guy. He said the last straw was when the guy asked him to bring a dildo to Panama. He said he was out at that point.
Howard said that some women save themselves for their wedding night. He said that maybe Chris should have done that. Ralph asked if he ever fucked the guy or was it the other way around. Chris said he would have but he never asked for it. He said he just never did it. He said the boyfriend said he wanted it but then he may not have wanted it. He said he was afraid that he could fuck things up if he did it the wrong way.
Ralph said that it's too bad but the guy would have shown his true colors at some point. Howard said he has been advised by Ralph on a few occasions. He said he has some good advice. He said that he told him to get away from a woman once and he was right. He said he was a help with a couple of relationships.
Chris said he thinks that Ralph did give an honest opinion about things. Howard said it's saying a lot that he had to go to Panama to get abs. Ralph asked if Chris is a bottom or not. Chris said he's going to say that he's a top. He said he's not looking for a penis bigger than six inches if he's going to take it back there. He said it should look like a pinkie if it's going in there.
Howard said he once saw Ralph's cock. He said that he showed it to him. He said he wasn't showing Ralph his. He said as of January 12th Chris will not bottom. Ralph said Chris will under some circumstances.
Howard said what a perfect birthday show this was. He wrapped up and said he's going to go up and open his gifts. He said Robin gets great gifts. He said she's very thoughtful. Howard said there you go. Robin said it's another year. She said she got Howard a journal from Oprah. Howard said he doesn't need any help from her. Howard ended the show around 10:10am.