Howard took a call from Mike and said he's very thankful that he's not dead. He said that he gets so bummed out when they lose a Wack Packer. He tried to get Beetlejuice on the phone but Fred wasn't playing the clips so he got upset with him. Howard said they'll edit that out in post. He asked Fred what happened. Fred said he was talking to Marfan and he went to look at some notes and got distracted. Howard asked what notes they were. Fred said it has to do with what's in the rundown today.
Howard said he was talking about how they can't get in touch with Beetlejuice. He tried again and Fred played some Beetlejuice clips like he was talking to him.
Howard said they heard that Mike was near death a few months ago. Mike said yes to that. Howard did his impression of Mike responding. Howard said he's hearing a hum. He asked if Robin can hear it. Robin wasn't hearing it. Howard said it might be the dehumidifier he put in his basement. He called it the opposite of a humidifier. He didn't know it was a dehumidifier.
Howard asked Mike about him getting really sick after they voted him into the Wack Pack. He asked if they actually did that show. Robin said it was a real show. Howard asked how many yays and nays he got. Mike mumbled something. Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult had to make the decision on Mike. He said she just shit her pants.
Howard said Mandy Patinkin has become part of the show. He went to him but it turned out it was Shuli. He said he has a pretty awesome beard. Howard said you know who Mandy is. He said he hasn't watched the past couple of episodes of Homeland. Robin said she bailed at the beginning of the season. Howard said he watches shows like Virgin River on Netflix. He said they watch Normal People too. He said that's really good. Howard explained the show and how hot this girl is on the show. He said no one in school likes her but she has an affair with a popular kid in school. He said he's too embarrassed to admit he's fucking her. He said meanwhile he's fucking her like a rabbit. Howard said the show is on Hulu and he loves it. He said this girl becomes popular in college and the guy isn't. He said this chick is so hot. He said he used to seek out unpopular girls in high school.
Howard said Marfan Mike is more attractive than some of the women he dated in high school. He said freshman year he dated a girl who looked like Marfan Mike with tits. Mike said ''Wow.'' Howard said this girl had such a beautiful body but he face was like she was in a car accident. He said he had sex with her twice. He said Marfan looks like a thumb with eyes.
Howard asked Shuli what's going on with the beard. Shuli thanked him for the compliments on it. Howard said it's dark in the front and grey on the sides. Shuli said it just grows this way. Howard said he could play a Jew on TV. He said he looks like a Jewish Civil War general. Robin said he looks like a Jewish Hell's Angel. Howard said he's never looked more Jewish. He said be careful around Mel Gibson. He said he could unload on him. Shuli showed him his hair too. Howard said he looks good with the new glasses too.
Howard said this might help with his stand up. Shuli said his hair is growing a little bit. He said he was asked if he wanted to do a stand up show in a parking lot with people sitting in their cars. Howard said he should do it. Robin said it's drive through comedy.
Howard said Shuli took off his cap and he aged 25 years. He told him some things he should get to make him look even more Jewish. Howard and Robin threw out some ideas. Mike got in on that too.
Howard said Shuli has gone full Tevia from Fiddler on the Roof. He sang some of that musical. Robin said he should do the comedy show as Tevia. Fred played some of the music from Fiddler. Shuli said he could do that as his closer. Howard said he could sell tickets to that if they could sell tickets to something like that.
Howard said he was saying that he hates when a Wack Packer dies or gets sick. He said it's so hard to find these guys. He said they've lost so many. He said they lost Eric the Actor who was the best. He said he called in as Derek from Texas one. He talked about how that went and did his impression of Erik doing that voice. Shuli said he liked when he had the modeling contest and wanted the winner to live with him after she won. Howard said he was going to manage her career and he'd be the full time manager. He said his favorite was when he was afraid of Werewolves when he was shooting the show with Mary McCormack. Shuli said Johnny Fratto told him about the werewolves.
Howard said Hank the Dwarf is gone too. He said that was a blow to his system. Howard said they've lost so many. He talked about Joey Boots, Kenneth Keith, Evil Dave and others who have died. Howard said they had the original Bigfoot too. He said Rappin Granny is gone too.
Howard said they lost Riley Martin and Ted the Janitor too. Howard said when a Wack Packer dies or you can't get a hold of someone like Beetlejuice it's a shame. Shuli said Beetlejuice has gone into hiding basically. Howard said they should get a court order to get him on the show. Shuli said he knows that Beetlejuice misses them according to Bobby who keeps in touch. He said they can't even get in touch with him anymore. Howard said they need Beetlejuice more than ever right now with this racial unrest in the country.
Howard said he'd ask Beetlejuice for a message of hope and he'd say this... Fred played some clips of Beetlejuice saying random things.
Howard said according to Bobby, Beet's manager, that Beetlejuice wants nothing to do with show business anymore. Shuli said he roomed with the guy for over a year on the road and he loved show business. Robin said it is like Richard Simmons. She said they just hear rumors about people being in control of him. Howard said he's demanding to see Beetlejuice and he's hiring a lawyer. He said he's very popular on Tic Tok and Reddit. He said Sal was telling him that his kids know Beetlejuice from Tic Tok and not even from their show.
Howard said Elephant Boy wants to quit the show now too. He said he thinks that he's too liberal. Shuli did his impression of Elephant Boy talking about how he doesn't like his liberal views.
Howard said he didn't know that Elephant Boy was a human being. He said he thought he was just Elephant Boy. He said he is very much into Donald Trump. He said last time he checked he was having sex with men and he doesn't think that fits in with the Supreme Court.
Howard asked if Shuli knows anything about this. Shuli said he heard that Elephant Boy gets upset when he talks about politics. Howard said he hears that people will go back and listen to older shows when they hear him talking politics now.
Howard said he has to get to Marfan Mike before Elephant Boy. He said they heard that Mike was basically dying a few months ago. Mike said he was on a ventilator in the hospital. Shuli said this was almost 2 years ago when he went in with pneumonia like symptoms. He said he didn't leave the hospital for almost 2 years. He was in a medically induced coma for a long time. Howard asked how that was. Mike said he was hallucinating because he was so high. He said he thought he was being kidnapped.
Howard said it's funny that his hallucinations are that people want him so they kidnap him. He said someone actually wanted him in his hallucinations. Shuli did an impression of him saying ''stranger danger.''
Howard asked how long he was in a coma. Mike said about a month and a half. Howard said everyone thought he was checking out. He said he was bracing for it. He said they wrote an obituary for him. He said thank god he's okay.
Howard asked how long he was in the hospital. Mike said he went in March 2019 to March of 2020. Howard did some math to figure out how long that was. He said it was like a year in the hospital. Mike said he had to do rehab after being in the hospital.
Howard did his impression of Mike singing Amy Winehouse's ''Rehab.'' Howard asked where he shit when he was in a coma. Mike said you don't shit at all. Howard said you have to shit. Robin said IV food is liquid. Howard said it must turn into doody. Robin said it's very little. Robin said he may have had small bowel movements. She said he wouldn't be in a diaper.
Howard said he thinks Beth is in a coma because she doesn't shit. Robin said you have to be moving around to shit. She said it's all liquid you take in so it's not that much doody. Howard said that's awesome. He said your asshole must be so clean. Robin laughed.
Howard asked Mike if he had a catheter. Mike said he did. He said he also flat lined twice. Howard said he would think if he was in a coma that he'd dig it. He said he doesn't like doing anything. He said he didn't think he could get more reclusive but he has. He said he used to hate going to work and going out to eat. He said it was painful for him. He said with COVID-19 he doesn't want to go outside. He said he didn't want to leave his room. He said he didn't even want to go into the basement to do the show today.
Howard said he calls his house Man Town. He said that he stays in there all day. He said he goes to the kitchen occasionally. He said he has a headache from being in the basement. He said the days go by so fast now when he can entertain himself.
Howard said Beth likes the way he is. Robin said thank god she's there. Howard said he wouldn't bathe if he didn't have her.
Mike coughed so Howard got worried. He asked Mike about going to rehab because he had to retrain his muscles. Mike said he had to learn to walk again and learn to use his hands again. Shuli said he had to learn to talk again. Howard said he was never able to talk. He did his impression of him before and after. Howard said they did a great job of teaching him how to talk.
Howard asked if they thought he had a stroke. Mike said he was on a ventilator for 4 months so he wasn't able to talk. Howard said he figures if you're on a ventilator that you're fucked. He said he's so glad he made it. Mike said so is he.
Howard asked if you get erections in a coma. Mike said he has no idea. Howard said he thinks he would get one. He said he has boners when he sleeps. He said he gets up and he has to wait for it to go away to pee. He said he learned that the boner keeps the urine in when you sleep.
Shuli said Mike hasn't jerked off in over a year. He said he didn't do it in the hospital and he feels weird doing it at home. Howard said he'd go into the bathroom and do it at the hospital. Robin said he wasn't able to walk. Howard said he'd crawl in there and jerk off.
Howard said his whole jerking off schedule is out of whack. He said he can't jerk off every day now. He said he was doing it every other day. He said he tried to do it every day but nothing was happening. He said now he doesn't want to disappoint Beth so he waits. He said then they go to bed and Beth doesn't want to do it. He said he wants to jerk off but then he thinks they might have sex. He said then the day gets out of control and there's no sex.
Robin asked when Howard last did it. Howard said he gets nervous about not doing it because of prostate cancer. He said he's not cumming a lot and he's waiting around. He said he doesn't want to stop using his penis. Robin said after 3 or 4 days he should just do it. Howard said he can't tell Beth that he did that if she wants to have sex. He said he won't be able to do it. Howard said he used to be able to do it 5 times a day but now it takes time to build up.
Howard said he's thinking of going to a schedule like George and Brad. He said he might ask Beth to do that. He said that way he can figure out when he can jerk off. He said he would like to have a schedule where he jerks off 2 times a week. He said the rest would be with Beth. Robin asked what days. Howard said he'd prefer masturbation on Monday and Wednesday. He said Friday and Sunday would be with Beth. Robin said then he'd jerk off on Monday? Howard said sure.
Howard asked Mike why he's not masturbating. Mike said he's not at home. Robin asked where he is. Mike said he's at home with his mother. Howard said just do it in the bathroom. He said pretend you're taking a dump. Robin asked where he jerked off before. Mike said he did it in the bathroom. Howard said when you're alone you can do it anywhere. He said he was jerking off in the bathroom? He said his mom must wonder what's wrong with him not jerking off.
Howard said Paul Bobo is on the phone and he claims that you do move your bowels when you're in a coma. He took the call from Paul Bobo who said you do shit in a coma. He said that it's liquidy but you still shit. Robin said that's what she said. Paul Bobo said that you have a rectal tube up your rectum to collect it.
Howard said his staffer Mike, who was shot, was in a coma for a week and he didn't shit for a week. Robin said that was her experience when she was a nurse.
Howard thanked Paul for the call and asked if he's in the hospitals working. Paul Bobo said he is and it's mentally exhausting being there. He said he has to remember what to do with his hands being contaminated and all of that. He said it's very difficult but it's not as bad as it's been in New York.
Howard said he ordered some products from Istanbul and they're hand made so he let them sit in the garage for 2 weeks. He said he figured the virus has to be gone after 2 weeks. Robin asked what he ordered. Howard said he ordered copies of the Koran. He said he figured they have a lot of COVID there so he kept them in the garage. He said he was convinced that he had it but his doctor said that it can only last for about 2 days. He said what he bought was full on Burkas for his beach walk. He said some guy was coming on to him because he couldn't see his face.
Howard said he actually bought some nice writing boxes that he got from Istanbul. He read that they have 163,000 cases of COVID-19 over there.
Howard said he has Mike's mom on the phone and she's saying that he's full of shit about masturbating. He had the fake mom on the phone and she was mumbling like Mike talking about how he's jerking off so much that it's clogging the drains.
Howard let fake mom go after a short time. Robin asked if he has his own bathroom at home. Mike said he does. Howard took a call from Marfan's dad next. They had another impersonator on the line mumbling like Mike. Mike said his parents are divorced. Mr. Marfan said he slipped in Mike's jizz recently. He said it's a real problem.
Howard said he's glad Mike is doing well. Mike said he still can't use his left hand. He said he still has to learn to walk again. Shuli said he just made it out of an old folks home right before the COVID hit. He said he just got out in time.
Howard said this increases his Wack Pack stock. He said he was already in it but he has a useless left arm now. Mike said he can move it a little. Robin said he has tenure in the Wack Pack so he can't be removed.
Howard said he was worried about him and he wondered if he has any relatives with his condition. Mike said no. He said he's the only one. Howard asked if anyone in his family has it. Mike said no.
Robin said Mike worked in customer service. Howard said that's right. He did his impression of what that sounds like. He said that has to be wild to hear. He said he'd love to record that.
Robin said the customer must get frustrated and quit. She said it's brilliant to have him doing that. Howard did an impression of what might sound like when a customer gives up.
Howard asked mike what that means to be in customer service. Mike tried to explain but Howard was doing his impression of what he thinks that would sound like. Howard asked when he went in for the job interview. Mike said about 4 years ago. He said it was his older brother who hired him. Howard said his brother thought that he would be good at customer service. He asked if that's really what he said. mike said he did. Howard asked if he's the only one. Mike said he is. Howard said this is the greatest company ever. Howard said this is like making Benjy a fitness instructor. He said he had to have some other job for him there. He said this is a crazy story. He said he's barely understandable. Howard said it's fascinating. He asked how many calls he gets a day. Mike said it's not a lot. Robin asked how many calls he gets a week. Mike said maybe 10. Howard asked if they can record those calls. He asked if people can understand him. Mike said he doesn't have a problem.
Howard said Marfan is fine now and they didn't lose him. He said he loves the guy. He said he's glad he's healthy. He said he gets so upset thinking about losing a Wack Packer. He said he's down to Marfan, Bigfoot, Jeff the Drunk and High Pitch Erik. He said that Erik has moved up a couple of notches. Robin said they have Wendy and Underdog too. Howard said they have JD and Sal too. He said Sal is a bird watcher now. He said they can't even reach Asian Pete. Shuli said he won't return calls or texts. Howard said he said Elephant Boy is leaving the show too. He said it's hard to get new guys.
Howard said Marfan is fine and still in the game. He asked if he has to work today. Mike said he's not there today. Howard did more of his impression of the customer service calls Mike might do.
Howard said Bob died in 2016. He did the math to figure out how long ago that was. He eventually figured out that it was 4 years ago.
Howard said some of the new listeners may not know who Elephant Boy is. He said he's been part of the Wack Pack since 1988. He said he's an O.G.. He said he has a speech impediment that makes him sound like the Elephant Man. He said he's the best. He said he has done everything. He talked about some of the things he has done like when he shit his pants and showed up at an appearance Gary was making.
Howard said Elephant Boy is a big Trump supporter and he tweets bad stuff about him. Robin asked who has been better to Elephant Boy over the years. Elephant Boy said something unintelligible. Howard said that's easy for him to say.
Howard asked why he gets so upset with him. Elephant Boy said he said that trump supporters should be dead. Howard said he never said that. He said what he said was that if you want to shoot yourself up with cleaning solution and follow your leader blindly then do it. Fred was trying to say something but wasn't able to get it out. Howard said he gets his point.
Howard said Elephant Boy is into dudes and women. Fred said no. He said that was a past part of him. Howard said if you're a little bit gay or whatever he can't imagine that the agenda of the supreme court is good for him. Fred said he's not sexual at all anymore. He said he isn't into any of that. He said he's an old man now. Howard said now he doesn't care about gay rights? Fred said he still cares. He said his philosophy is based on facts and not emotion. Howard said that's what he thought. Robin asked why he gets upset with Howard. Fred said he may have mis-heard him. He said he would apologize to him if he did.
Gary got on and said he has been monitoring him for the past few years and he feels like he's backing down. He said just be that person he is on social media. Fred said its old news for him. Howard said they pay for his Sirius. Gary said they do. Howard said he pays for that. Fred said right. Howard said Trump doesn't give him that. Gary said Fred calls Howard the Alex Jones of the left. Fred said he asked what the difference is.
Howard asked if he thinks he lies about facts. Fred said no. He said he thinks Howard believes what he says.
Howard said he wants to know why the president tells everyone not to wear a mask. He said if everyone wore one they could get rid of the virus like they did in South Korea. He said that they say that they could get it down by 85 percent if everyone wore a mask. He asked why he's being crazy by asking why the president is telling people not to. He said his own health people are asking people to wear masks. He said this is just wacky.
Howard told Fred to go ahead. Fred said this is old news now. Howard said on the phone is Alex Jones who says he's right. He got fake Alex on the line and Alex was agreeing with Fred about what he was saying. He told him not to back down. He was calling him Elephant Man instead of Elephant Boy. Howard thanked him for doing that.
Alex said that Elephant Boy is a Bill Gates creation and they're not in Kansas anymore. Howard asked about Marfan Mike. Alex said he's another one. He said he is a true patriot and the cell phone radiation is creating all of these illnesses. He said they have to fight all of this.
Howard let Alex go after he got in his Infowars.com plugs. Howard said what he was saying is that he gets Elephant Boy his radio free and sees him listing himself on Cameo as being from the Howard Stern Show. He said he's fine with that but if he leaves the show then he has to insist that he takes that part down from his Cameo. He said now he can say he's a Trump Supporter instead.
Howard got Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone and she was saying that she's glad Mike is back. She was upset with Fred because he said that he was upset when Howard said that he didn't like everyone who voted for Trump. Howard said he has said things like that before. He said he talks about hating people all the time. Howard said big deal.
Fred said he also said that Trump doesn't care about you. Howard said he knows him well and he's right. He said Trump doesn't care about Fred. Howard asked if Fred is even allowed to vote. Fred said he is. Howard said what he's saying is what Alex Jones was saying.
Howard asked if he's in or out. Fred said he is keeping him. Howard said good. He said mellow out dude. Fred said there's no complete left or complete right. Howard asked if he's going to vote for Trump again. Fred said it depends. Howard asked if he's still weighing his options. Fred said he is.
Howard asked if he will speak at the RNC. He said he did speak when he was running for governor. He said he gave his speech for him. Fred said he tried to give him a record speech. Robin said she's not sure why it's a maybe for Trump or not. Fred started to explain himself but Howard cut him off.
Chris Wilding said he has been checking in with Fred the past couple of weeks. He said he was on the Sid Rosenberg show and Sid was very nasty talking about Howard. He said Elephant Boy retweeted something about him opening up a can of whoop ass on Howard Stern. Fred started to explain but Howard said no one knows what the fuck he's saying even if he does talk shit about him.
Gary asked Fred how Trump has made Fred's life better. Howard asked who cares. He said just do your thing. Howard let Fred go a short time later. He said he's glad he's doing okay. Fred said the Wack Pack has been very good to him and so has Howard. He said that once this election is over then things will be back to normal. Howard said he's glad Marfan is well too. He let them go a short time later.
Howard said he wishes that Fred would talk less and Marfan would talk more. He said that would be a nice balance. He said they need Wack Pack. He said he's down to Mike, Fred, Jeff and High Pitch Erik. He said they have Wendy too. He said Underdog is in there. He said Gary the Conqueror and Bigfoot are in there with JD and Gary too. He said Tan Mom too. He said he'll throw in Lenny Dykstra too. Robin said she sees him mentioning her in tweets occasionally. Howard said she could have cunnilingus from him every day if she wanted.
Howard said they have Mark the Bagger, High Register Sean, Ham Hands Bill and Bobo too. He had Bobo on the line. Bobo said he's not Wack Pack. Howard said he kind of is. He said they have a puppet of him and he says some wacky things. He said he has to have him in there. Robin said he was begging to be in it a while back and now he says he's not. Bobo said he's on the edge.
Howard said Angry Alice wont talk to them unless they pay her. He said she wants money to talk to them. He said she's out. Howard asked if Gary told him that. Gary said that's news to him. Howard asked who told him that. Shuli got on and said he did. He said the last few times he reached out to her she told him that everything has a price tag attached to it. Howard thanked him for the update.
Howard said John the Stutterer won't talk to them either. He said he used to be on the show but he stopped talking to them. Howard said he thinks the show was too much for his blood pressure. Howard said he has to take a break and go pee.
Howard said Yucko the Clown considers himself too successful for the show now. Robin said last time they spoke to him it sounds like he is.
Bobo was talking about the riots going on and how crazy things are in the world right now.
Howard asked what's going on with Will the Farter. He said he thought he had a problem with his farting and he might lose his powers. Gary didn't know anything about that. Howard asked how he didn't know that. He said last time he was on the show he was talking about it. Gary said he does listen to the show but he didn't remember that.
Howard asked Shuli if he has it right about Will the farter having a medical issue. Shuli said he thinks there was something that he had to get done that he didn't want to get done. He said he spoke to him last week. He said that his mom passed away so they're working on getting him on Zoom. He said they think that she may have passed away from Coronavirus. Howard said she came into the studio to play a game where she got farted on by Will. Howard said he's sorry to hear that.
Howard said Gary was in the studio with a gas mask on when Will was talking about his issues. Gary said he doesn't remember that. Robin asked if they should worry about him. Gary said no.
Howard said Gary was talking about how hot the mayor of Atlanta is when he saw the coverage of the riots. He said that he had to check her out after that. Howard said they were talking about a bunch of mayors after that. He said they were evaluating them all.
Howard said Gary was talking about the protests going on and how there were protests going on in unusual areas. There was talk about Mennonite people protesting. Howard asked how the Amish would even know about what's going on if they can't have TV.
Howard said he was listening to Lithium. He said he likes to listen in the morning and in the evening. He said Madison will mention him occasionally. He said she Cat Corbett mentioned something too. He said that one of them talked about Perry Farrell performing ''Been Caught Stealing'' and they had this insanely hot backup singer. He said he went and looked at the video from them mentioning it. Howard said Perry is such a great performer. He said he watched the video like 25 times. He said Perry's wife is in the video. He said they have this hot keyboard player who dances around. He said then the Asian woman and the keyboard player look at teach other and he's thinking they get it on. Howard played some of that performance. He said that's something else. He talked about what's happening during parts of the song. He said he had to watch it over again and again.
Robin said a friend told her about going to a barber shop before Coronavirus and they had stylists who wore Hooters tops and they would rub their breasts against you as they worked on you. Howard said there are so many hot hair stylists. Robin said they touch you and lean over you. She said he didn't even care if they cut his hair. Howard said he used to get his hair cut and this woman was nice to him because they wanted him to come in. He said he thought that she wanted to fuck him. He said she was so friendly. Robin said this guy was very honest about how he liked the titties rubbing against him. Howard said that's what his salon would be like if he owned one.
Howard said there's this thing he gets into. He said there's a movie called Equalizer with Denzel Washington. He said he likes to watch the scenes where he kills people. He said he checks his watch to see how long it's going to take to kill everyone in the room. He said he loves to see people killing people in movies. He said Denzel is so calm. He talked about one scene where he's going to kill a Russian mobster on a train. He said the scene is so great. He said he's in there with 50 guys and he takes them all out after checking his watch and setting it for 20 seconds. Howard went through the whole scene with Robin. He said it's amazing. He said if you're ever around Denzel and he checks his watch, get out of the room.
Howard said he will go back and watch anything with Charles Bronson or Clint Eastwood. He said he watches violent scenes from The Sopranos too. He said that's what he was doing this weekend. He said he loves that John Wick kills people over his dog.
Howard said Gavin Rossdale sang about how there's no sex in violence but there is. He said speaking of Gavin he has a new album out with Bush. He said the new album has a single out that's awesome. He said he wrote it down. Gary said it's ''Flowers on a Grave.'' Howard said the album (The Kingdom) isn't out yet. Howard played some of the song. He said the song is good.
Howard said Sal saw Gavin in the Sirius bathroom and he said to him that he was stunningly handsome. He said he's never heard another dude talk about a guy like that.
Howard said the other song he plays on the app is Sammy Hagar and the Circle. He said they were in the studio and did some songs. He said it's Sammy talking about ''Finish What You Started'' and how he wrote it. He said Michael Anthony singing backup is great. He played some of that performance too. He talked about how great that was and how he watches that over and over again in between the violent videos.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has had to pee for over an hour. Robin said he has a new sign up. She asked how that got there. Howard said what a saga that was. He said they were looking at the shot of him on Zoom and the wall was blank. He said if he's interviewing someone they have a clip and they don't say it's from the Howard Stern Show. He said the guys made a sign and put it on a stand. He said Beth set it up. He said he's too lazy. He said he was all excited about having a home studio but now he doesn't care. He said they had the sign in the garage for like 2 weeks. He said Beth got it down there and set it up. He said it looks cool. Robin said it's perfect. She said Beth did a great job. Howard said everyone should have a Beth. He said she has such a positive attitude.
Robin said someone she knows got that cat they loved, Jerome, and Beth was meeting with them. She said she's very busy there. Howard said his job is to make the bed. He said Beth told him not to worry about it on work days. He said he has to do it because that's his job now. He said before COVID-19 he had the best radio studio ever built. He said now he has a sign in his basement and they get excited. He said he has a card table as a desk. He said this room used to be his photo studio. He said he hasn't used it in 5 years. He said he has this room full of junk. He said he has this photo equipment right behind him and it's all hanging here. He said it's like a graveyard for his past hobbies. He said it's like a junk yard in there. He said he has like 10 million dollars worth of stuff that he replaced with his iPhone.
Howard said he even got a new coffee pot down there. He said he really should take a break. He said he wants to go back to bed. He said he should just stop. He said he has to pee and he's denying himself that.
Howard said he was reading that he missed a few shows with Kelly. He said that he has said for years that he works too much. He said that he is a handsome guy who reads well. He said he's kind of jealous of the guy. He said Seacrest came out blaming exhaustion. He said of course he's exhausted. Howard said he had like 50 jobs himself at one point. He said he was taking every job he was offered. He said when you're Ryan Seacrest you figure you have to grab everything. He said he was doing a morning radio show, the Kelly Ripa show, American Idol, the E! television show, the countdown show and all of the red carpet shows. He said he was doing everything and he may have had a paper route on top of that.
Howard said he was telling Robin that Ryan was on fire and he was going to collapse. He said he actually looked bad. Robin said she's been checking in to see what he looks like. She said she has to see what he's up to.
Howard said it turns out that Kelly Ripa has been saying she's broadcasting from New York but she's actually in the Caribbean. He said people got all bent out of shape. He asked why you care where she's coming from. He said people feel betrayed by her. He said these are shut ins who care about that. He said you have to get a life. Howard said he was reading about this story and thinking that maybe she didn't want people knowing she's not in her apartment. He said he doesn't care where she's broadcasting from. He said no one should care. He said if you like the show then you shouldn't care.
Howard said the story is that she was forced to stay in the Caribbean because she was on vacation when the shutdown happened.
Howard said that maybe she just didn't want to share that she was stuck down there. Robin asked why she had to lie about it. Howard said he saw people rioting about this station over the weekend. Robin asked if that's what he thinks the riots were over.
Howard read some tweets from people who were upset with Kelly over her lies. There were a bunch of people who were talking about how upset they were.
Robin said there were people upset with Lana Del Rey about something she wrote in a song about staying with an abusive man. Robin said she told the fans that they don't complain about other song writers and they got upset with her over that too.
Howard read more of the upset Kelly Ripa fans. Howard said people just want to be upset about something. Howard said he really has to go pee. He said he'll take some calls and get to other things.
Howard said he has a ton of friends who want to get together because they think this thing is over. He said it's not over. He said on 60 Minutes they were talking about Coronavirus and how it's still out there. He said that he's not sure what has changed that makes people think that they can do that. Robin said she has a friend who got together with friends and said it was like being back to normal. She said she's wondering what he's doing. Howard said the weather got nice and now they think it's over.
Howard said they think they can tell when people have it or not. He said that guys do that with women and think they can tell a dirty girl. He said Ralph used to do that. He said he was seeing a girl at one point and he told him that she was dirty and he believed him. He said he stopped seeing her.
Howard said he should get Ralph on to talk about that. He said as far as he knows he doesn't have anything. He said he started to think he knew something. Robin said they think they're like scientists. Howard said maybe he'll get him on the phone after a break. He said that Charlie Sheen thought he had that super power too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about how hot Miley was in the video for that song. He said she was wearing sneakers and just about naked on the ball. He said he figured she saw how filthy the set was and didn't want to walk around bare foot so she put her sneakers on. Howard said he was thinking about writing a song about how he's going to wreck you with his balls.
Howard said his headphones are causing a squeal. He said he thought they sent him a new set. He said he has them too loud and he'll probably be deaf. Robin said she tries to only have them up as much as she needs. Gary said Howard's new headphones are on the way. Howard asked what the delay is. One of the guys said they should have arrived and they are probably in his garage. Howard said he does have a box of stuff there. He said he'll have to go through it. He said Beth brought a box down the other day. He said she's complaining that he's not the man of the house right now. He said some birds died on the roof of the house and she pointed them out. He said she told him to get them off the roof. He said he figured he'd kill himself if he did that. He said Beth is the man of the house. He said she does everything. He wanted to get a hose and wash them off. He said he told her to just close the window shade. Robin said they could call someone to do that for them. She said it's outside.
Howard said he's good at one thing and it's this. He said he's not good at anything else. He said the birds are outside so they'll rot away. Robin said thank god for Captain Dennis. She said that he's there to help her when she needs a man. Robin said she once caught a yellow jacket in a jar on her counter and she asked him to come take care of it. Howard said you do need a man around the house. He said he hates not being the man but he can't do it. Robin said she once had a gopher in her garage and Dennis had to come help her with that.
Howard said he has a phony phone call to play. He said then they'll take some calls. Howard said he thinks Kelly Ripa should just moon every one of those fans who were complaining about her being in the Caribbean. Howard said with everything else going on the people will probably forget about it anyway.
Howard said Rocky Pendergast is at it again. He said he calls that show Live with Cathi. He said that this is an internet radio show that's hosted by an older woman named Cathi. He said Rocky calls from celebrity packed events and he dies every time. He played one of the old calls where Rocky calls in from a celebrity party on a German zeppelin. Then he smells gas and lights one up and it goes up in flames.
Howard said in this new phony phone call Rocky doesn't give a shit about social distancing. He said he calls Cathi from Largo and he's surrounded by celebrities. Howard said they have a sped up JD as Fong the Caterer in this one. Howard played the call and Rocky tells Cathi about being at this party where all of these celebrities are not worrying about COVID-19 and staying close at this party. The place catches fire and they all go up in flames. Cathi said she had no idea what was happening there.
Howard said what a delivery on her. Robin said she's almost like Ryan Seacrest. Howard said she has no idea what's happening as all of the old Hollywood people are dying.
Howard said they have called into that show about 5000 times and Rocky ends up dying every time.
Howard said Gary did some research into his family tree. Gary said he outsourced it and this woman is guiding him on what to do next. He said they have to wait for the churches to open so he can do some research. He said they might be related to a famous Renaissance painter. Howard said Gary has gone back as far as 1851 so far. He said he will go all the way back to when they crawled out of the sea. Gary said he has traced back to his great, great grandfather. He said he died of accidental asphyxiation.
Howard talked to Gary Puppet about his great, great grandfather and some of his other relatives.
Howard said he thinks that most people do this to find out that they had famous people in their family. Gary said he's afraid they'll find out they had thieves in their family and things like that. Howard asked how you know you're getting legitimate information. He said if he had a company like this he'd ask for the money and just make up the family tree. Gary Puppet had more family members in his family tree that he went over. Howard said Gary is the most famous in his family tree.
The caller said it's insane to him that people will walk into your personal space without a mask on. Howard said it's not that much to ask to wear a mask. Howard said it's fucking crazy what's going on in this country. He said there were 20,000 new cases reported in the country just yesterday. He said he's not sure how we go from being great to so fucked up so quickly. Howard said he's sorry that this guy has to deal with that.
Howard said High Pitch Erik went to a barbecue over the weekend. He wondered who would even have him over.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he found a show he'd like to recommend. He said it's called Laurel Canyon. Howard said he watched that. The caller said it's a 2 part mini-series. Howard said it's about music in Laurel Canyon. He explained what the special was about and how it became a whole community of musicians there. Howard said he liked it. The caller said that he explained it better than he could. Howard said that's why he did it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's worried about Beth. He said she was on the air a couple of times and she fell and then hurt her foot on the steps. He said they have to be careful how much work they make her do. Howard said he's very cautious. He said Beth is in a frenzy and she has to get it done immediately. He said she does them very fast. Howard said he's the opposite. He said if she moves fast he tells her to slow down. He said that's not who she is so she tells him that.
Robin said her friend Simone hurt herself and she had a virtual visit with a doctor. She said at some point the doctor asked her husband to walk out of the room so he could talk to her privately. The doctor asked her if everything was okay like they thought the husband might be hurting her.
Howard said Beth is getting ripped from doing so much around the house. He said he's getting fat. Robin said it looks like he has a belly. Howard said he does. He said he's very thin but his jacket is pulling his shirt. He said he has to stop working out. He said he just wants to be fat.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the new app is the best. He said he listens to it all the time. He asked if there's enough sex on that show he's watching. Howard said it's a great show. The caller said that Frank Blake is on that show and he's great. Howard said the lead in that show is great. He said Beth thinks the lead guy is good looking but he didn't think so. Robin asked how often he's been right about someone having a big career. Howard said he always knows.
Howard read some fan feedback about Jerry Seinfeld's interview from a couple of weeks back. Howard said they made news with Jerry saying that he thinks Andy Kaufman could have played Kramer on Seinfeld. Robin said Jerry is a very wise man. She said he dispenses wisdom to Howard all the time. Howard said he does that every minute. He said he loves when Jerry comes on the show.
Howard read some fan feedback about Booey 100 that aired on Memorial Day. Howard said someone wrote on about how Baker Street Booey is his favorite. He played some of that. Robin said she loves that. Howard read about some of the other great song parodies they played that day. He played a few examples.
Howard said it looks like Gary has gained a few pounds. Gary said he hasn't. Robin said Gary posted a picture of himself in his back yard in a hammock. She said his dog looks like it's about to be fallen on by a large whale. Howard hadn't seen it so Jason showed it to him. Howard asked Gary why he'd post that up. Gary said he puts up a lot of his dog. Robin said that one is mostly Gary.
Howard said people voted for their favorite Gary song parodies. He said Angry Young Booey is at number one and Carmina Booey is number 2. Gary said he loves that one. Howard played a little bit of each one of the songs. He said Baker Street Booey was number 3 and Baba Bohemian Rhapsody was at 4. He said Darth Booey and Booey Delight were tied for 5th. He played each one. He ran through a few others that were on the list for voting on.
Howard said there you go. Robin said she stumbled on the Led Zeppelin channel during vacation. She said it was on where Deep Tracks usually is. Howard asked if they just play Zeppelin or other artists. Robin said she heard a Zeppelin concert but they had band members talking about things.
Howard said he likes Jimmy Page playing that acoustic guitar part in ''Over the Hills and Far Away.'' Howard had Fred play that part of the song.
Howard said people wrote in about Wedding Week on Howard 101 that ran last week. He went through a couple of those comments.
Howard said people wrote in about Ronnie and Happy Hour. He said he was back at Happy Hour last week. Howard read through some of the comments they got about Ronnie and Mike Fox.
Gary said he was in the Happy Hour thing and Ronnie was just sitting back and not saying much of anything. He said he'd wait for someone to tell a story and then comment. Howard said he has the feeling that Ronnie was one of those guys who was goofed on a lot in high school. He said now it's his turn to goof on people.
Howard read through some more comments about Ronnie and the guys arguing on that last Wednesday show before vacation.
Howard asked if Mike was in the Happy Hour. Gary said he was and Ronnie was ignoring him mostly. He said he was giving everyone the treatment.
Howard said he should end the show. He said his neighbors are going to wake up. Howard asked Mike Fox how the Happy Hour was. Mike said it was fine. He said a few people signed off and then Ronnie became the star and things got rough. He said his girlfriend bought him a shirt and it has lemons on it. He said Ronnie started there with him and it bothered him a little bit. He said Ronnie genuinely hates him. Howard said he thought he was going to leave him alone. Ronnie got on and said he did leave him alone. He said Mike is lying again. He said everyone was making fun of the shirt already when he got on. Mike said he doesn't think so.
Mike said he thought there was a man there but all Ronnie does is scream ''cunt.'' He said he figured out that he's just a dick. Ronnie said it's all about Mike's bullshit lies. The two of them argued for a few minutes again.
Howard said he thought the two of them were going to leave each other alone. Howard asked one of the other guys who was in there, John Blitt, what was going on there. John had some comments about that but Mike went off on him too.
Howard said he heard that Mike wished Ronnie would get COVID-19. Mike said he was just joking around. Ronnie and Mike went back and forth arguing about who was telling the truth or not.
Howard said according to the email a lot of people were with Ronnie and a lot were with Mike. He said the reaction seemed split. Gary agreed. He said he just heard that Mike and Blitt had an argument in the office years ago and they still don't talk to each other. Mike said that's true. He told a story about what went on there. That led to Mike and John arguing about who said what there.
Howard said it might be good that these guys are quarantined. Howard asked if there's anyone left who still likes Mike. Mike said not anyone on air.
John let Howard know that Mike raps so Howard asked to hear his song ''Touch My No-No.'' Mike did some of that and John goofed on him about how bad it was.
Howard said they have to sum up here. He said he hates angst with his crew. Robin said she thought everyone loved each other. Howard said he thinks they should end Happy Hour.
Howard let John and Mike argue a little more. Howard found out that the guys all like Will. Howard asked Ronnie who he likes the most on the staff. Ronnie said he never thought about that. He ended up going off on Mike again.
Howard asked Ronnie for his top 5 list of people on the show. Ronnie had JD on the list but he wasn't giving him number 1. Ronnie said Jon Hein or the Shusher would be tied for number 1. He said Sal and Richard would be on his list. He said he likes the guys there. Howard said the Shusher is a woman who was hired to keep people quiet in the office. Ronnie said he likes John Blitt too. He said he likes Gary.
Ronnie ended up talking about Mike Fox again. He went back to the lemon shirt thing. Howard said he thinks Ronnie has credibility with fashion. He said he wears those t-shirts with skulls on them.
Howard said Benjy says that he was making fun of Mike's shirt before Ronnie came into Happy Hour. Ronnie said that was the first thing he heard when he went in there. He said another Mike was making fun of it as soon as he logged in.
Howard asked Robin if she's team Mike or John Blitt. Robin said she thinks she's going with Blitt. Howard said he's taking his team and just going home.
Howard said he wanted to know how Happy Hour went. He said he can see there are still bumps in the road. Mike and Ronnie were still going at each other. Howard said the easiest solution is just don't go to Happy Hour. Ronnie said they have fun. Howard said this doesn't sound fun to him. Ronnie said that's because they have one little girl there.
Howard asked Mike if he expects a high brow thing to happen there. He said this is the way it's going to be with Ronnie. Ronnie said they have fun in there. Will agreed. Gary said they did an office poll and the guys voted for Ronnie 13-4. Mike went of on Ronnie again.
Howard said if you want to make up with Ronnie you have to extend an olive branch. He said order one of those big dildos and give it to him. He said he'll forget all about what happened. Ronnie said he won't take that gift. Mike said when he sees Ronnie breaking his balls he has a huge smile on his face. He said he thinks he loves busting his balls. Mike said they could go another four hours with this and nothing will change.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and thanked them for the update. Howard said he wants to hear more about these Happy Hour shows.
Howard got in a plug for that Blackened American Whiskey sponsor and ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said Robin as shot out of a cannon last night when he talked to her. Robin said she only got an hour of sleep last night. Howard said she called and she was on fire. He said he told her to get some sleep. He asked if she's on drugs over there. Robin said he knows she's not. He said he almost went to her house to see if she was alright.
Howard said she was up all night on Twitter and commenting on things going on around the country. He said she was like Moses. Robin said she could part the Red sea. Howard said he told her to calm down. He said Beth asked what was going on and he told her she was on a high. He said she won't be awake for the show. Robin said he hung up and called her right back. Howard said he was worried about her.
Howard said Jason was telling him about what she was up to on Twitter. Jason said he was very happy to see her so busy on there. He said she was tweeting around the time of Trump's speech. Robin said she didn't even watch that. She said she knows what he said though. She said she can hear him without listening.
Howard said Robin called and he thought about how he needs her in shape for the show. He said he was going to send Captain Dennis over there to make sure she was okay.
Jason said Robin hadn't tweeted since May 3rd. He said she was talking about Trump and how you can't trust him. Howard said she was nice and calm a month ago. He said she might be pitching for a Vice Presidential bid. Robin said she's going go run for president.
Jason said there was no calm yesterday. He said she was retweeting people like Christine Todd Whitman and Rob Reiner. Jason said she was tweeting to the governors of the country. He said that she tweeted something about how Trump can't see good people on both sides now. He said she ended that with ''Hmmmm!!!'' Howard said he knew something was going on with her. He said he told her to go to bed. He said she was on fire and wasn't able to go to sleep. He told her to find a way and stop tweeting.
Howard said Robin was on rocket fuel and she was practically speaking in tongues. He said she just learned 16 languages in an hour.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she thought someone had taken over Robin's account last night. Howard said he thought she was trying to date Cuomo and this was her way of getting him. Robin said he did get her attention yesterday. Mariann said that Robin should be saving that for the show like Howard told JD to do when he tweeted about his engagement.
Robin said she had a lot of people tweeting at her last night. She said Jimmy Kimmel and people like that were doing that. Howard said she's like a larger chested Eleanor Roosevelt.
Howard asked if she really only got an hour of sleep. Robin said she did. She said he tried to meditate and all of that. She said as soon as she laid down it all started again. Howard said she was all charged up. Robin said Steve Martin retweetd her. She said she was all worked up about all of that.
Howard said she should have gone down to protest. Robin said she told people to go home after dark and let the looters get arrested. Howard asked if they listened to her. Robin said she hopes so.
Howard said he was thinking about how he's going to get a man to live with her if she's on this high. He said she was on fire. He said he wishes he could have taped that call last night. Robin said she asked him to calm her down. Howard said it was wild.
Robin said he asked her if she got a Roomba mop. Howard said he was thinking about big thoughts. Robin said she got a steam mop. Howard said he knows people who think she should be locked up with those thoughts. Robin said she's going to pass out after the show today.
Howard said he knows a guy who has a hotel across from him and they're putting the homeless in there. He said he has like 300 homeless guys there and they're drinking and doing crack right outside. He said his wife is afraid to go out. He said this guy says it's crazy what's going on out there.
Howard said it's kind of crazy what's going on. Robin said she went into Manhattan the Thursday before they went on vacation. She said she felt like she was in Walking Dead territory. She said some were wearing masks and others were just staring into space.
Howard said it's weird what's going on. He said everyone should wear a mask and the President should be talking about that. Robin said he's talking about calling the military on us.
Howard said he never would have thought that the president would be calling for people not to wear masks. He said Rush Limbaugh was saying that masks is a hoax.
Howard said some people wear masks but they put them on their neck and not over their face. Howard said he wears the blue masks that they wear in the hospital and he finds that when he talks that his mask starts to fall. Robin said they do slip down. She said you have to pull the gussets up and spread them out. She said you have to form the nose piece over your nose too.
Howard said he sees ads on Instagram and they have a mask they sell that looks like a dickie you can pull up over your face. He said Beth wasn't interested in that so they're not getting them. Robin said that really looks like you want to rob a bank.
Howard said he wants to get these shoes that he has but he can't find them. He said they're Timberland shoes that he can wear in the house. He said he searches for them and he gets ads on Instagram. He said he ordered all of these shoes and none of them are right for him.
Howard said Timberland wrote to him and told him that they invite him to look at what they have since the shoes he likes are discontinued. He said he went on and found something similar but they're discontinued too. He said he asked why they would advertise them and have discontinued stuff. He said he just wants his shoes.
Howard said every time he buys something from the ads on Instagram, they're garbage. He said he ordered some cat toy that flops around like a fish. He said it looked great but he gets it and it came from China. He said he threw it right in the garbage. He said it was complicated to put together too. He said if you make something that needs batteries then just include them.
Howard said in the old days there was a sneaker company that made a great sneaker for running. He said this company made 50 pair for him. He said they had been discontinued but they just made them for him. He said Timberland should do that for him. He said being famous blows lately.
Howard said he made the fucking bed this morning. He said he used to have people for that. He said now he's treated like the rest of you. Robin asked if he could get someone in there to quarantine with him. Howard said no, he doesn't want that. He said they were excited about quarantine at first but then they got 3 weeks into it and realized how horrible it is.
Howard said he has Howard Stern pre-Corona on the phone. He said now he's going to interview himself before the Coronavirus. He said he's there now but this is him before Coronavirus.
Howard took the call from Pre-Coronavirus Howard who said his life is pretty sucky now and it can't get much worse. Howard warned Pre-Coronavirus Howard that something bad is going to happen. Pre-Coronavirus Howard asked if they're going to move the show back to 6am. Howard said it's worse than that. He told him that he won't be flying anywhere for years. Pre-Coronavirus Howard said it sounds like he'll love 2020. Howard told him they're canceling every parade and Broadway show. He said they'll cancel the Christmas party too. Pre-Coronavirus Howard said that sounds fantastic to him.
Howard told Pre-Coronavirus Howard that he's never going to leave his house ever again. Pre-Coronavirus Howard said that sounds fantastic too. He said he loves that. Howard told Pre-Coronavirus Howard it's not as awesome as it seems. Pre-Coronavirus Howard asked if he'll still get annoyed with people making noise in his office again. Howard told him he never has to worry about that again either. He said the problem is that he's going to eat the same boring food and worrying about germs all day long. Pre-Coronavirus Howard said that's what he does now.
Howard told Pre-Coronavirus Howard that this Coronavirus is the worst thing ever. He told him about what's going on now and Pre-Coronavirus Howard asked what else is going to happen. Howard gave him warnings about other things going on. Howard wrapped up with Pre-Coronavirus Howard a short time later.
Howard said a few years ago he was very immature. He asked if he hung up. Pre-Coronavirus Howard was still there saying ''Byeeeee'' over and over.
Howard got in a plug for today's show sponsor, Gardein. He spent a little time talking about how great their stuff is.
Howard said he just got a text from Howard from the Future who said that things are going to get even worse. He said they'll talk to him another day.
Jon got on and said Benjy was wearing a mask that day. He said they do run into each other often out there. He said his eyes looked lovely under that mask. Howard said he thinks he rides around just so he might run into him. Jon said it's always weird when they run into each other outside of the office. Howard said he saw him in Central Park once.
Howard got Benjy on and said he's lost weight. Benjy said he has and he looks great. Howard asked him a simple question about how he did it and Benjy went into a long explanation. Howard said goodbye to him. He said he can't get a simple answer out of him.
Howard asked if he's lighter than he was last time he saw him. Benjy said he's 3 pounds heavier. He said he asked him a question and he goes into this long explanation that he doesn't need to get into.
Benjy said that he never said he was anti-mask either. He said he wears a mask. Howard said he's glad to hear that. He said he'll see him in a couple of months. He said he looks good.
Howard said Benjy is always on a diet and he's always eating weird food. He got a note saying that he's angry with Governor Cuomo because he's telling people to stay home. Howard said he has to find out why that is. Benjy said that he wasn't angry. He said he just thinks that it shouldn't be one person saying that it should be shut down. Howard said he can't even get out of bed in the morning. He said that Cuomo is trying to save people's lives. Benjy said his intentions are good but they're taking away freedoms that they shouldn't be taking away.
Howard said there's no way that anyone could live with this guy. He said he's had a conversation with him for minutes and he's ready to jump out the window.
Fred did his Benjy Puppet thing and had Benjy talking about wacky stuff. Howard asked the puppet if he lost weight. Benjy Puppet went into long stories like Benjy was doing earlier.
Howard asked Benjy what the stay at home order is keeping him from doing. Howard read a tweet that he put out about the stay at home order. He was saying that he can't have just one person making people stay home and not work to make money. Howard said the guy is trying to save lives. Benjy said he should have more oversight. Howard said he gets it. He let him go again.
Howard said he heard that JD is his exercise guru. Benjy said he is giving him some life advice. Howard said JD's life is more fucked up than his. JD said he's not sure what it was all about but he did ask him for some advice. Howard said he should be turning to someone who is in shape like JD's wife. Benjy said that she is a certified fitness person. Howard said he heard Benjy's last coach kicked him in the head. Benjy said the guy would get very frustrated with him. He said he was a very nice person. Howard said he's like him. He said he's very nice and he gets frustrated with him.
Howard asked JD how he helps Benjy. JD said he'll text him and tell him what he's done so far. He said he'll just tell him he did a good job. He said he told him to get a journal to keep track of what he does. Benjy forgets how many pushups and things he does.
Howard said he heard JD evaluates what Benjy does. JD said he does that. He said Benjy has his dog around him and he tells him to move it out of the way but he won't do that. Howard asked if he finds himself lying to Benjy about how well he does. JD said he tries to tell the truth as much as he can.
Howard said Benjy should do some push-ups and JD will evaluate them. Benjy said he has to set up. Howard had him do it so they could see this. Benjy had a trampoline in his apartment. He Howard said he's going to go through the floor. He said imagine living below this guy. Benjy laughed.
Howard had Benjy do his thing. Benjy did some exercises and Howard had JD give some numbers on what he's doing. JD said his back is pretty flat so that's good. He said his arms are good. He said this is about an 8 or 9 on a scale of 10. Howard said he thinks he's done.
Robin said she's not sure that JD is being honest. She said he can't see anything but his back. Howard said he'd give him an 8 too. Benjy thanked him for that.
Howard asked Benjy Puppet to do some push ups. He did some where he was struggling and grunting.
Howard asked Benjy what he's been eating. Benjy told him he's not doing the vegan thing now. He told him some of the things he's eating. Howard said he read that he cooks with beef collagen. He said that he could still be a vegetarian. Benjy said he eats fish too. He said he was going to eat this stuff again to heal after his surgery. He said he's going to go back to vegan. Howard asked why he would go back to vegan. Benjy said he's not sure about the whole thing.
Howard said Benjy has to leave the staff happy hour to go to Overeaters anonymous. Benjy said he found out he's not supposed to say he's in that group. He said he's supposed to say that he's in a 12 step program. He said these groups are all on Zoom so you can go to the meetings around the country. Howard asked if there are skinny chicks who think they're fat. Benjy said most of them are skinny. He said some are anorexic.
Howard said Benjy has befriended some people around the country who are like him. He asked if there are people who are so fat they don't fit in the screen of their camera. Benjy said they need like 4 computer screens.
Howard said he likes that Benjy is busy on Zoom meetings all day. He said he has a full life. Robin asked how many meetings he goes to a week. Benjy said it depends. He said there are days there are 4 or 5 a day. Howard laughed when he heard that.
Jason said Benjy is so distracting when he's in these meetings. He said he will have his camera off and then he turns it on and it's never like it is right now. He said he's in the dark and his phone is behind a cabinet or he's clanking around on the stove. Howard said if he came on Zoom in an Overeaters Anonymous meeting that would snap him out of it. Benjy said that he's not supposed to say that he's in OA.
JD said he has one more thing Benjy did. He said he tweeted out that he was looking for women to call him for phone sex. Howard said he must have gotten a bunch of calls from dudes. Benjy said it was mostly guys but they were nice guys. He said there are a couple of really attractive women that did DM him but he hasn't called them. Howard asked if JD has anymore on Benjy. JD said that's it.
Howard asked Benjy if he's lonely. Benjy said he is. He said he's not less intimate than he was before. He said the possibility of it is less. He said he went to someone's house recently. He said he went in and did wear a mask.
Howard said his power just cut out. He asked if he's on the air. Robin said he is. Howard said they've been having problems all morning.
Howard asked Benjy what happened when he went to this woman's house. Benjy said she was very attractive and he met her on Bumble. Howard asked if she knew he was on the show. Benjy said he generally keeps away from giving out his name. Howard asked if this girl knew who he was. Benjy said they got into a fight about Trump before he met her. He said then she looked him up. Howard said he has to go. He said he thinks his power is about to go out. He said he's done with Benjy. Benjy said at the end of the date he got lost. Howard cut him off and said they're off the air. Benjy said he got lost behind her building and she had to rescue him. Howard said the power just went out. He was done with Benjy. Howard said he loves Benjy but he might be insane.
Howard said there were 20,000 new cases of COVID in the country yesterday alone. He said this is like the wild west. He said this country is so fucked in the ass that his asshole is bleeding. He said it's wild. Howard said people ask why he's so down on this guy and this is why. He said we need a President. He said just wear a mask. He said he's announcing he's taking over as president. Robin said he doesn't have the energy for it. Howard said he odes. He said don't listen to the President. He said just wear a mask and we'll get rid of this thing. He said get a mask with a picture of a dog or something on it. He said spread the word that he's president now. He said he doesn't even like golf so he's ahead of the game already.
Howard said he will have a meeting with every world leader and tell them to wear masks. He said he won't play golf either.
Howard said the rioting was going on in Washington DC and the secret service rushed Trump to a bunker. He said they turned out all the lights out at the White House. He said that he does that on Halloween. He said that was funny. He said that's what you do when you don't want kids bothering you.
Howard said Joe Biden's Twitter picture is him wearing a mask. He said that's sanity right there. He said this guy will wear a mask. He said you have to care about other people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say hell to President Stern. Howard asked if he's wearing his mask. The caller said he is. He said we all need his wisdom out there. Howard said he's going to have some wisdom for everyone out there. He had him say hi to Vice President Robin Quivers. He said Attorney General Dell'Abate is there too.
Howard said he's going to go have a meeting for about 5 minutes and he'll be back. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how great Green day is. He said he was thinking about Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Nirvana and other bands from the 90s. He said they were just amazing. He said there was that other band with that song that they did in the studio. Robin asked if that was Perry Farrell. Howard said they were great too. He said sometimes he has negative thoughts around music.
Howard said speaking of music it's the 50th anniversary of the song ''Ohio.'' He said in 1970 the Ohio National Guard shot into a crowd at Kent state and killed a bunch of students. Howard said this is the 50th anniversary of the song about that incident. Howard played the song and said everyone knows this one.
Howard gave some history about what the protests were about at Kent State. He talked about the Vietnam war and how they were drafting kids into the military and that's what the students were protesting. Howard said things went crazy that day when the national Guard went in and tried to clear the crowd. He said they eventually open fired and killed 4 students. He said 3 were shot in the back. He read the names of the students who were killed.
Howard said Neil Young and David Crosby read about the shootings in Life magazine. He said David Crosby told a story about the song writing on the show. Howard played clip from that interview.
Howard had a clip from a Graham Nash interview where he talked about recoding that song too.
Howard said they went in and recorded that song and got it out within 10 days. He said they did 2 takes. He said he thinks that David Crosby said he cried after one of the performances. He had another clip of Graham talking about how they got that song out immediately and killed their own single to get this one out. Howard said he did an acoustic version of the song in the studio that day too. He played that.
Howard said that is a beautiful song. He said it's amazing they got that out there so quickly. He said he asked Neil Young about writing the song and it wasn't so magical according to him. He played a clip of Neil talking about writing the song outside in the sunshine after seeing the cover of this magazine. He said he went out for a walk and came back and jotted down the lyrics and then wrote the song.
Howard said a couple of people covered the song but didn't do so well with it. He said that the Isaac Brothers covered it. He said it was a 9 minute version. Robin said that's a little long. Howard played some of it.
Howard said Devo covered the song too. He said one of the guys in the band was at Kent state during the protests and he saw two of his friends die. Howard played some of their version of the song. Howard said that one gives him a bit of a headache. He said way to kill a great song.
Howard said if he catches you without a mask they'll kick you in the head like Benjy's teacher. Robin said just fine them. Howard said that's not enough.
Howard said he saw a picture of Trump posing for a picture with the Bible and he looked like he had never held a book before. He said it was very odd.
Howard said he read that Disney is going to open up Disneyland on July 11th. Robin asked how they do that. Howard said they'll all have to wear masks. He said in Japan they opened theme parks and said you can't scream because it spreads droplets. He said he's not sure how you control that. He said he guesses you can.
Howard said that Melania is on the phone and she's excited that Beth is the new first lady. He took the call and fake Melania gave him some information about where things are in the room there. Howard wasn't understanding what she was saying so Robin had to interpret. Howard asked if she has any really funny lines she wants to get out before he hangs up. He hung up as she was trying to get out a line.
Howard said Beth comes off the Hydrow and she thinks that she would have enjoyed rowing. He said that he thinks about how ripped he would have been. He said no one would have noticed his face if he was ripped. He said he has this whole fantasy about it.
Howard said he watched the Michael Jordan documentary and he thinks that if someone had turned him on to basketball that he could have played. He said he would have been the coolest white guy on the planet. He said no one turned him on to it. He said he didn't even know what a ball was.
Howard said speaking of balls he got this thing Wolfie went to called Ball Bash. He said he listened to some of it last night and his balls were tingling from it. He said he hears about guys doing shit to their balls and he can barely listen. He said he gets this weird sensation in his balls. He said he's not sure if he should talk about that or Lori Loughlin.
Howard said this girl Olivia Jade had this great thing going on with her web site. He said she was really good and making $2 million a year with her web site. He said her mother fucked that all up. He said now Olivia is trying to make a comeback and she can't do it. He said she's all fucked up. He said she put out a video about white privilege. He said her heart is in the right place. He said that she was talking about this white privilege thing. Howard cut himself off and asked if Robin can hear that hum. Robin didn't hear it. Howard said something weird is going on there in his house.
Howard read some of what Olivia was saying and said people were telling her to keep quiet. He said if she was smart she'd be telling people what to wear to a protest. He did his impression of her telling people what to wear.
Howard said he has some stuff right behind him in his room. He said he has guitars and stuff down there. He said he's not sure how to show that. He said he'd have to go on Zoom. Robin said there's one right there. Howard said that's his guitar. He said he put in this new camera and speaker. He said that they decided to dress up the basement. He said they had him put the guitar into the shot. He said that's all they did.
Howard said he has a bunch of guitars and he doesn't even play. He said it doesn't make sense just like Ronnie doesn't make sense. Robin said Ronnie's room looks like they're opening a service station. Howard said it looks like someone threw up on his wall and it all stuck there.
Howard said Ronnie's basement looks like Sanford and Sons. He said he has parts of cars on the wall. He said it's awesome.
Howard said in the corner in his shot he has 3 copies of his book (Howard Stern Comes Again). Robin said she saw them. She said they used to stand up. Howard said the book keeps falling down. He said they asked him if he has a book stand. He said he does but he forgot to bring it down. He showed Robin how it keeps falling down when he stands it up.
Howard said he could show the guitars but he'd have to move around. He said people will make fun of him having guitars in his basement.
Gary said if he were to go into the other room with his phone he could have the audio. Howard said he'll do that then.
Howard went into the other room and he had an echo. Robin said she can see him walking away. Gary said he has to turn on his camera. Howard went off and tried to do that but the echo was still there. They finally got that set.
Howard went into the guitar area and showed off what he had. He showed one that was a guitar from Eddie Van Halen. He showed another one from Metallica. He had a guitar from Slash. Howard had a bass from Sting. He showed a guitar from Leslie West. He said he thinks he's the greatest guitar player of all time. He said he has one from KoRn and one from some band called Raging Grace. He wasn't sure who that was. Gary said that's a jam band.
Howard said he has one with his face on it that someone made for him. He said he wishes he played.
Howard said he has one that's not signed. He said it was a whit guitar that's not signed. Robins said there's a lot of guitars. Howard said he has a lot and doesn't play. He showed a bunch of Gold albums there too. He had some from Eminem, Goo Goo Dolls, Billy Corgan, Sammy Hagar, Lenny Kravitz, Incubus, Fiona Apple, Staind, Bloodhound Gang, Aerosmith, Insane Clown Posse, Kid Rock, the Private Parts soundtrack and many others. Robin said she has a bunch of those too.
Howard said he has a bathroom down there too. He said he has some albums in there too. He said Tommy Mottola used that bathroom once and he had a Spice Girls plaque in there and he asked why Howard has it and he doesn't. Howard said he had a Mariah Carrey thank you and he didn't even have that. Robin asked how they had that. Gary said they played her song ''Hero'' and they helped sell some albums.
Howard said he has his awards hanging on the wall too. He went through those and had one from the Best of Hartford. He said that he has a bunch of pictures hanging up from Private Parts.
Howard said he has some things over here. He went over and showed Robin some more stuff hanging on the wall. He had an Ozzy plaque hanging there. Howard said that's Eddie Van Halen's guitar again. He said he has a bit of a Hard Rock Cafe down there.
Howard said he's going to get back to the microphone now. He said it's pretty cool, right? Robin said it was a nice tour.
Howard said he does grab the guitars off the wall and then puts them back when he realizes he can't play.
Howard said he chose between painting and playing guitar. He said he chose painting. He said he put away the guitar and that was it. He said that was his decision. Robin asked if he paints down there at all. Howard said he has a studio upstairs.
Howard took a call from a guy (Rocco) who asked how he compares his lifestyle to Ronnie's. He asked who the fuck cares about his guitars. He said he's making fun of Ronnie's shit and he's doing the same thing. Howard said he was just showing that he's no different than Ronnie. He said because of this call he's not going to release the tape of that tour. He said he's punishing the audience because of this guy. The caller said he's fine with that, he can handle himself. Robin said other people wanted to see it. Howard said he made him realize he's just going to get goofed on. The caller said it kind of makes him look like a dick. Howard said he knows that.
Howard said he moved into this house and he wanted to hang stuff on his walls. He said he had all of these records that he didn't even deserve. He said he told his wife he has cool stuff just sitting in the attic so they should just hang them on the wall. He said she thought that was cool so that's what he did. He said he knows it's douchy but it humanizes him. He said now that he's president he has to do that. The caller asked him not to punish the listeners because of this. Howard said he might have to. He said just one guy fucking up makes everyone suffer. He said this is how he punishes people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to see those guitars. He said he's a fan of Rocco's but they have to see those guitars. Howard said he's not going to let anyone see. He said Rocco is like the looters in the sea of peaceful protesters.
Howard said he's not going to show the signatures on the records. He said you won't see Sting's bass. He said he knows it's all douchy but it made sense at the time. He had all of this stuff and he decided to hang it on his walls.
Howard said he knows if he walked down there and saw that on someone else's basement he'd think they were douchy. He said he should have radio shit hanging up instead.
Howard said he thought that Ronnie hanging his stuff up was douchy and he was showing what he has there. He said he was giving a tour of his house and now he has to punish the audience.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of guitar one of them is. Howard didn't know. He said he'll have to go check. The caller asked him to show them the video. Howard said if anyone else goofs on him he's cancelling it. He said he knows that they're going to goof on him.
Howard said he knows it's sort of weird to have that stuff. He said he knows that Jimmy Kimmel is probably laughing at him over it. He said he showed it and it was a weak moment for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that people would pay a lot of money for those guitars. He said he should put the video out. Howard said maybe he will.
Howard said some douche bag was tweeting yesterday before the show asking about when he's going to be done talking about the riots. He said he was talking to Marfan Mike yesterday and the same guy tweeted that he can't believe he's talking to Marfan Mike during the riots. He said you can't win. He said he's sure that Jimmy and Molly come over and laugh at him about thinking he's a rock star. He just thought it was something interesting to show the audience.
Robin said Jerry Seinfeld had albums on his wall. She said she thought that was interesting to see.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated him on being the new President. He also thanked him for giving them a view inside his house. He said he can't believe this guy Rocco is going to ruin it for us. Howard said he's also the President of Canada. The caller was from Canada and told him they have a Prime Minister but he's sure he could take over there too.
Howard said when they went on radio up there in Canada they took over within a day in the ratings. He said imagine that. He said he doesn't even know where Canada is on a map. He said they put him on and he was number 1 in one day. He said the way they did the ratings up there they were able to show that he was there in a day. Three days later they took him off the air for being too obscene.
Howard took a call from a guy who said if he doesn't show that video he's going to stick his Glock in his mouth and blow his brains out. Howard said that's what Rocco did to him. He said this guy is really upset.
Howard said every time he tries to open up to people he gets kicked in the balls. He said Rocco was Mr. Cool. He asked what he has on his walls other than boogers.
Howard asked if he can take a breather and then get to some of this Ball Bash. He said it's going to fuck your head up. Robin said she's glad that she doesn't have to travel and stay in a hotel. That's where this thing took place. Howard said he listened to it last night and thought it was fucking disgusting. He said he's heard it all and this was disgusting. He said it's 50 times worse than guys fisting each other. He said you'll throw up from it. He said by the time they're done with it everyone will have tuned out.
Howard said he had this woman Celestine on the channel 9 show and she played piano with her tongue. He said he thought it was going to be big ratings. He said he was going to promote it all through the show and save her for the last thing. He said when they got the ratings it was like everyone had tuned out in disgust by the end. He said no one wanted to see it. He said he couldn't have been more wrong about her. He said what was weird was that he had lined up the conjoined twins for the next week. He said he had to cancel them. He said they were going to come on and sing a country western song.
Gary asked if he remembers that one of the conjoined twins bowled and one didn't. He said Celestine was against a black background and he's not sure why they did that.
Howard said JD was editing the tape for the Ball Bash thing and he had to walk away from the computer a few times. JD said he doesn't want to give too much away so he'll just say two words, ''Ball popping.'' Howard said he's going to force people to tune out after this. They went to break after that.
Howard said there's a new Train song that Pat Monahan put out. He said it's called ''Rescue Dog'' and they're giving all of the proceeds to the North Shore Animal League. He said that's a favorite of his and Beth's. He said he put out a great video for the song too. He said he called him up to thank him. He said Pat is doing okay but his knee was bothering him. He said he's a good dude. He said he has a great voice. Robin said yes he does.
Howard said he's singing about himself and how he felt like a rescue dog until he found someone who took him in. Howard let he song play a little bit. He said he could never write a song because he has no feelings. He said he's so out of touch he doesn't know what he feels. Robin said James Brown didn't have any songs about feelings. She said he sang about hot pants. Howard said he was very in touch with his emotions. Robin said no he wasn't. She said he was singing about hot pants.
Howard said James would come in and they had to call him Mr. Brown. He said he deserved that though. He said he loved that guy. He wondered what he'd be doing at this time. Fred played ''Hot Pants'' for him. Howard said what a band that was. He said he was a great performer too.
Howard said they had Janie the Cleaning Lady in to interpret for James at one time. He said that was great. He said he brought his wife in with him too. He said he died on Christmas day in 2006. He said he had to write that down. He said he'd come in dressed really well. He said he came in right before he died. He said he brought his wife with him that day. He said James said he was rebuilding his wife's butt. Robin said he did love plastic surgery. Howard said he was buying her butt implants. He said you never argued with him or he'd leave.
Howard said in another great appearance he let Gary play trumpet for him. He said he went with it even though Gary can't play. He said if it was Prince he would have left. Robin said he probably would have blown up the studio.
Howard said James pulled Gary aside and gave him some advice on how to play with the band. Gary said it was very sweet. He said he told him to play on the down beat instead of the up beat. Howard said that's Gary playing. Fred had some audio of Gary attempting to play the trumpet.
Howard got Wolfie on and asked if this was worse than Fist Fest. Wolfie said it was. Howard said this was right before quarantine. He said these people are into Cock and Ball Torture or CBT. Howard said they know it as CBT and that's a common term they use. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said CBT can involve all kinds of torture. He said they flog and squeeze and things like that. Wolfie said every one of those things and many more.
Howard said they had to send Wolfie there. He said the hostess of the bash is Ivy Mistress J. He said that it took place in her home. She had it set up for CBT. Howard said she throws cock torture parties. He said it was a 50/50 split of women and men. He said Wolfie thinks she paid some of them to show up. Wolfie said that some of the women were just curious about it and they showed up for it. Howard said he thinks he'd rather have a fist in his ass than do this.
Howard said the women were getting off on it. He said it was also pot luck so people brought in their own food in the shape of cock and balls. Wolfie said they had an assortment of penis shaped things. He said they offered it to him but he passed on it.
Howard said Wolfie spoke to Ivy before the event and asked what the strangest thing she ever did was. Ivy talked about putting needles into a guy's balls. She said she put them into the balls and clear liquid came out. Howard said he's done. He said he has to tune out. Howard said he gets a sensation in his stomach hearing this.
Howard played another clip of Ivy talking about the things she's been asked to do and turned down. She said she won't do castrations. Robin said after that what else is there left to do?
Howard said he has to get to the actual event. He said it began with a 30 minute seminar about CBT. He played some audio of this Mistress Ivy talking about what you can do and can't do at this event. She was talking about what you can and can't hit a penis with. Howard said this is like the lecture the flight attendant gives before a flight.
Howard asked what it cost to get into this thing. Wolfie said he doesn't think there was any money exchanged. He said it was just a party. Wolfie said there was a guy on the couch in his bare ass just listening to the seminar.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a good visual mind and he heard needle in the balls and he had to change the channel. Howard thanked him for the feedback.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's never had to change the channel. He said he wouldn't have called if he knew they played the show on hold. Wolfie said it gets worse.
Howard said for those who thought it wasn't so bad so far they will tune out. He said Mistress Ivy was worried about the older people there so she talked to the group about what they can do. She said that men above 50 are more prone to heart attack so pain to the testicles can cause problems. She said you have to talk to her about what to do if you start bleeding.
Howard said this woman sounds like a real expert. He said she sounds like she knows how to give enough pain not to kill you. Robin said it's like rules in school. Howard said she really knows her stuff. Wolfie said it was very clinical and she seems to know that line you get to. He said she has a lot of followers.
Howard played a clip where Mistress Ivy was talking about popping balls. In that one Ivy talked about how inviting it is to pop them but that's not a great idea. She said if you do a lot of that you can get things twisted around in there. Howard said she's like a nurse. He did an impression of her talking about it like it was no big deal.
Howard said if he's into CBT how many rules can he live with? He asked what he can be limited to. He said the man who runs SiriusXM is on the line. He took the call from fake Jim Meyer who said he doesn't like Ball Bash, he loves it! He talked about how he's smashing his balls right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's not going to be able to perform sexually for who knows how long after this. He thanked him for making a shitty day even shittier.
Howard said his penis has retracted into his body. He played another clip from Ball Bash where they went into a dungeon. He said Wolfie said it smelled like gamy balls and man ass. Howard said it's just ass. He said his balls are hiding up near his lungs right now.
Howard said he doesn't want any woman near his balls. He said things are too tender down there. Wolfie said the smell was really bad there. He said you have naked guys there in a room and it smells.
Howard said that Ivy started off shocking a guy's balls with electricity. He played a clip where Wolfie asked her about this thing she had and Ivy demonstrated shocking a guy's balls. She had it on making a loud buzzing sound. She shocked a guy and he was moaning and thanking her for it. He asked her to avoid the head for a little bit. He kept thanking her.
Wolfie said he wants to paint a picture for a second. He said he was on his knees next to his dick and she looks like a welder with that thing going by the guy and it was burning the pubic hair off his balls. He said it was an out of body experience for him. Howard said he asked her to avoid the head of his penis. He said you can't do that with a mistress. Wolfie said that was a very long session so she had to stop for a minute. Robin said she loved the whimpering. She said it sounds like when you hit an animal on the road.
Howard played another clip where Ivy was slapping a guy's balls with her open hand. The guy was yelping as he was getting hit. Wolfie was asking the guy if it was pleasure or pain. The guy said it was both at the same intensity. Howard said that sounded like Vice President Pence.
Howard said Shuli has stopped listening to the show. He said he works for them and he had to stop listening.
Howard asked Wolfie if he asked these people why they don't just have sex. He said it feels pretty good.
Howard played another clip of a guy getting his balls hit with a riding crop. That guy kept saying ''thank you'' over and over. Howard got a laugh out of that one when the guy let out an odd sound.
Howard asked what was going on there. Wolfie said that she was hitting him with the intensity you'd use with a ping pong paddle. He said it was pretty hard. Robin asked if Wolfie ever wanted to jump in. Wolfie said he can't imagine.
Howard said it didn't take long before someone was injured. He played a clip of Wolfie asking what happened. Ivy was talking about how this guy had a raised black and blue mark on his shaft. He had a burst blood vessel in his penis.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's still listening. The caller said there is nothing he could do to make him turn this off. He said this is the only thing making him feel better during quarantine.
Howard said they have to see what else they have there. Robin asked if this is all Ivy does. Wolfie said he thinks it is. Howard said he heard she teaches pegging too. Wolfie said she does a lot of sexual seminars.
Howard said Wolfie interviewed an attendee named Raven whose adoptive mother kicked him in the balls. He said you wonder how guys get into this so that explains it for this guy. Howard played the clip of Raven talking about getting kicked when he was a kid. He said she was quite physical with him. Wolfie asked if this got him into this fetish later in life. Raven said he did. He said many submissives do that.
Howard said there's the origin story for that guy. Wolfie said he has his number of they want to follow up with him.
Howard said Raven once had a cattle prod on his testicles and had a glass dildo up his ass. Howard said Raven even wants his balls burned. He played another clip of Raven talking about wanting to be burned. He told Wolfie about having cigarette ashes dropped on them before.
Howard took a call from a guy who was still listening and said he thinks that he can get him to stop listening by playing this clip. He said this guy Charlie wants to try to eat women's shit. He played a clip of Wolfie talking to Charlie about that. He said he has had golden showers but he'd like to try the shit eating thing. He said he wants it to be firm and he wants her to enjoy putting it into his mouth. Wolfie asked how he imagines it going. Charlie went into details and said he doesn't want to get sick from it. He said he wants it to be a good experience.
Howard asked if he's still listening. The caller said he's just hearing that scene from Full Metal Jacket where the guy says you can eat the peanuts out of my shit.
Wolfie said he exchanged info with Charlie and he's been begging him for help to make this stuff happen for him. Howard said he came to the right place. Howard asked Robin if she would do it for a million bucks. Robin said no way. She said she was watching this special about the creator of McAfee security and he would do stuff like that with women. She said it's disgusting.
Howard said this guy Charlie likes having weights hanging from his balls. He played a clip of him talking to Wolfie about having 15 pounds hanging off of them. He said it hangs down about 5 inches or more when he does it.
Howard said he thinks they're down to 15 listeners now. He said the SiriusXM stock has been dropping since they started playing this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the fuck is wrong with him. He asked if he finally got broken by Coronavirus and wants to torture everyone. Howard said we're learning about what's out there in America. The caller said that he's up in Canada and people are poking their ear drums out up there.
Howard said Wolfie saw a lot of things that night. He said there were a lot of toys that didn't get used. He said one was a Ball Crusher that you turn a nut or screw on and it smashes the testicles. Robin asked how much of that a person can take. Howard said he's not sure. Wolfie said they had one that was made of plexiglass so it looks like sand art when they smash them.
Robin asked if only one person was hurt. Wolfie said he heard there were other things like blood spatter going on.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy talking about taking the ball out of the sack. He said this will get everyone to tune out. He said he also missed another one about popping balls. Gary said he missed clip 3. Howard said it's not on his computer.
Howard played a clip of Ivy talking about some damage that had been done to a guy and his ball stuck to his scrotum and it had to be removed. The guy had done things to his own balls by opening up the scrotum and removing his own testicle and piercing it.
Howard said that was the clip to get everyone to tune out. Wolfie said there was a guy who was going to hang from the ceiling but the rigging wasn't done right and the guy ripped his balls open and fell.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what these guys look like. He said it has to be all white dudes. Howard said that's what he's picturing too. Wolfie said they were all white guys and they looked normal. Howard said they seem reasonably intelligent too. Robin said they can be anywhere around you and you won't know. Howard asked if any celebrities showed up. Wolfie said the closest thing was that a senator may participate in these things. He said it was down in the Maryland area.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they cover the cost of Wolfie's therapy. Howard said he has to give Wolfie a pat on the back for this one. The caller said he should win a Pulitzer prize for this.
Howard said he has Jim Meyer on the phone again. He took the call and Jim said this is the worst idea he's ever had. His stock alarm was going off because it was dropping so fast.
Howard asked Wolfie what the worst thing is that he's ever covered for them. Wolfie said that it's like choosing your children. He said he thinks this was probably the top. He said the blood and all of that was bad. He said he'll give it to Ball Bash.
Howard said the fisting guys would stick their arm in so far they could feel a heart beat but this is the worst.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Wolfie finds all of this crap. Wolfie said he doesn't want to reveal his sources. He said he researches things that he thinks people would be interested in.
Howard took a call from Apples who said this is the worst thing. He said there were some funny sound drops though. Howard said Fred has to make a sound drop of the guy saying ''Thank you, thank you...''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he quickly surveyed the planet and he's the last one listening. He said he can end the show now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had him and he was doing alright until he heard the guy talking about the guy hanging from his balls. He said he had to tune over to 101 to hear him going off on Gary. He said that was some fucked up stuff. Howard said he heard it last night and figured he'd be able to clear out the audience with it.
Howard took a call from a woman (Sierra) who asked what's up. Howard went back and forth with her for a few seconds and found out she's 13 years old. Howard asked what's up again. The caller said that was some gross stuff. She said her dad told her to call in. She said she didn't expect to get on. Howard asked what he can do for her. She asked if he can share one of those really cool guitars. Howard said he's going to show it on the app. Robin said she wants it. The caller said she wants him to mail her one. Howard told her to go do her homework. He said there must be some Zoom class she should be in. He said he hates talking to kids but she was cute.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's okay to collect guitars. Howard said he doesn't collect them, people just give them to him. The caller said he has several guitars and he plays pretty well. He said Howard should take it up. Howard thanked the guy for the life advice. Fred played the ''Thank you, thank you...'' clip again.
Howard got in a plug for Gardein the show sponsor for today. He spent a few minutes talking about that and then ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard said he can see Robin now. He said he gets very upset when he sees her not being attentive. Robin said she monitors him too. She said the first day they were back on the air she saw him doing voice exercises. Howard demonstrated what he does to warm up. He made all kinds of odd noises. Robin said she never knew he did that until now.
Howard said he was in the middle of a meeting on Zoom and Robin was singing. He said they wanted to mute her but he wanted to hear what it was. He said she sings better when she thinks no one is listening. Gary said it sounded good and it was a happy song. Jason said he thinks it was ''Youth of the Nation.'' Robin said that's what it was. Howard asked Robin to sing it for him. Robin sang a little bit for him. Fred played some clips of Robin singing too. Robin said she had to test her headphones so that's why that happened.
Howard said he had some thoughts on the racial tension and the COVID-19. He said sometimes he doesn't talk about that stuff. He said he didn't spend a lot of time talking about George Floyd. He said even Michael Rapaport was getting upset. He said Rapaport said he wasn't talking about George Floyd. He said he can't win.
Howard said he can't read the social media comments about the show anymore. He said he hates that people have this power now. He said they used to have to write letters to the show. He said now they can just send it out on social media. Robin said she had a letter addressed to her as ''Ni**er Quivers at WNBC'' and it made it there without the address. Howard said he remembers that. He wondered who put it through at the post office. He said it should have been ''Return address requested.''
Howard said he has seen how the mail is delivered in documentaries and it's really remarkable that it works. He said that you can put a piece of paper in a box and it travels through many hands. He said that means that one addressed to Robin had to have a lot of decisions made on it. He said it made it through every one. Gary said it said that and it also said ''New York'' and that's it. He said it didn't have a zip code or anything.
Robin said no one gets a letter without a zip code. Howard said they later found out Imus wrote it. He was joking. He said he has no idea who actually wrote it.
Gary said he sent a Christmas card to Jon Hein and he had ''road'' instead of ''lane'' and it got sent back to him. He said Robin's letter got to her. Howard said they should have quit show business after that. He said they can't top that story.
Howard said Jason told him that when he started the show on Monday that someone was complaining that he won't listen until he's done talking about George Floyd. then he opened the show talking to Marfan Mike and the same guy complained that he was doing that instead of talking about George Floyd.
Howard said he loves phony phone calls and he played one yesterday. He said as a kid he loved phony phone calls and this would make him so happy if he heard something like that when he was a kid. He said he saw some comments about the call to the Cathi show and people were complaining that he sucks now because they don't do phony phone calls. He said he thinks social media has ruined this country.
Howard said he didn't know there was a blackout Tuesday yesterday. He said he grew up in a neighborhood with a lot of white liberals. He said he knew they were white liberals because many of the people would openly tout their love of the black man and love this and that one. He said these mothers would come in and talk about how they have to love people in their community. He said then the real estate developers wanted to build more so they brought in a upwardly mobile black family. He said that they'd pick a block and sell it to a black family and every one of those white liberals would move out in the middle of the night. He said they did it as soon as they had a black neighbor.
Howard said these people were nice families but as soon as the black family moved in they moved out. He said if they didn't move out things would have been fine. He said they could have practiced what they preached. He said he saw every family leave in the middle of the night. He said they were ashamed and embarrassed.
Howard said his mother would talk about how wrong that was. He said that he became very sensitive to this. He said he realized they were all phonies and fakes. He said he always admired his parents because they were liberals but they weren't phonies. He said his parents stayed in that community. He said he was proud of them for that but also hated them for it. He said he had to get out of there because he was the one going to school. He said he wasn't able to handle it. He said it was a horrible experience for him because he was the only white kid in school.
Howard said he was proud of his parents for not rushing to sell their house and not being fakes. Howard said when he sees the white man putting out the black screen he thinks about how it's a nice sentiment but he knows what the reality is. He said if you took any of those people with the black squares on social media that they'd move out of their neighborhood if a black family moved in.
Robin said she didn't know about the black screen thing yesterday. She said she saw a post from Billie Jean King and she thought something was wrong with her account.
Howard said he saw Olivia Jade posted something about how she was going to solve this with her white privilege. Howard said she has to just shut her mouth. He said there are a lot of phony ass liberals out there.
Howard said Emma Watson is an actress in the Harry Potter movies. He said she's very attractive by the way. He said she grew up very nice. He said she got in trouble for posting something inappropriately. He said she had black squares and they matched her Instagram account and people felt that was inappropriate. He said she took a lot of shit for that. He said it's almost absurd.
Howard said here's what you do as a white person. He said don't move out if a black family moves in. He said stick around at least a week. Robin said conservatives never leave. Howard said she's got that wrong. He said there are other white types who moved out of town when he lived in Roosevelt. He said that he lived an interesting life. He said he'd knock on a door on his way to school and a black family would be in the house. He said that's how fast things were happening.
Howard said the Washington Redskins tweet out about the George Floyd thing. He said they're the ones who won't change their racist name but they tweeted out the black square. Howard said someone thought it was a comedy parody with them tweeting out that black square. He said the owner refuses to change the name. He said that there's nothing worse than watching the Redskins as a Native American and seeing that name. Howard said how about changing the name of the team instead of using the black square.
Howard said his wife got yelled at on Twitter. He said she has a feed where she tries to get homes for cats. He said there's one horror story after another for these cats. He said they hear about people who don't want their cat anymore and they have to go pick it up from the. He said it's his problem now. Howard said yesterday Beth woke up and she was contacted about a cat being thrown out of the house. He said Beth tweeted about it and someone went off on her about tweeting on Blackout Tuesday. He said she didn't know about it.
Howard said try to tolerate living next to a black person and be a real liberal. He said he has seen so many fake ass people.
Robin said Governor Cuomo was talking about how there is no will to change and that's why things are the way they are.
Howard said Sal told him a story about a black family moving in when he was a kid and they moved right out. Sal said his dad ran down to the hardware store and got a for sale sign. He said the moving truck was still there when he got the sign. Howard said when he was in Roosevelt the families did it in the middle of the night. He said they didn't even put up signs.
Sal said his dad ran into the house and told them that they have to get the real estate agent come at night. He said they didn't want them seeing the family next door. Howard said it's going to take a lot more than blacking out your Instagram. He said he bets that a lot of those people who posted the black screen would move out of their neighborhood if a black family moved into their neighborhood.
Howard said Gary lived in the neighborhood next to his growing up. Gary said they stuck around a long time. He said his mother got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water and she saw the family next door moving out.
Robin said that she remembers families disappearing in the middle of the night. She said that she never saw them leave but they disappeared.
Howard said Sal's dad was going around fucking every woman he could get but he wanted out of that neighborhood when a black family moved in.
Howard said he knows that people's hearts are in the right place with this blackout thing. He said that he knows people who have never lived in a black neighborhood posting their outrage but he knows they're going to move out in the middle of the night if a black family moved in. He said he thinks there's a lot of phony people out there.
Robin said some people don't know when they're racist so she's going to start pointing it out.
Howard said he believes they need Batman right now. He said there's rioting in the streets and the President is like the Joker running around with a bible. He said come on with the bible. He said this is Donald Trump. Robin asked if he would go back to partying at Mar-A-Lago again. Howard said no way but he has to entice him to leave office.
Howard said there are a lot of billionaires in this country. He said that Bruce Wayne was a billionaire. He said Elon Musk is as close as we can get to that. He said he's trying to get off the planet though. He said maybe Mark Cuban would work if he worked out a bit. Robin said he has lost a lot of weight.
Howard said Bill Gates is another billionaire abut he thinks he could beat him up. He said Jeff Bezos could be Batman. He said he has gotten ripped. Robin said he's more of a Lex Luthor kind of guy. Howard said Stephen Hawking could have been Batman before he was in a wheelchair.
Howard said there's a video online of a white woman during the protests and she jumped on a car and pulls down her pants and shits on a police car. He said she did it live in this video. Robin asked if that's the kind of freedom of speech we want to have. Howard said he remembers a guy eating horse shit in the street when the Eagles won the Super Bowl. He said if a black person shit on a police car there would have been something done. He said there's white privilege right there.
Howard said Trump is holding the bible and trying to look strong by holding it. Robin said he didn't even know that the church was a Catholic church. Howard said it was a Episcopal church or something like that. He said it was the closest one to the White House. He said Ivanka had the idea to go there apparently. He said she looks really good. Gary said the hot chick was the new press secretary. Howard said she's right at his side. He said he'd love to know what's going on there. He said he doesn't know if anything is going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he knows a family that did exactly what Howard said they would do in the middle of the night. Howard said he lived the reality of that. Howard said they were tested and they all ran for the hills. Robin said it's like that pepper test where you put pepper in water and a drop of soap makes the pepper scatter. Howard thanked the caller for the call. The caller said he saw Robin at a Simone Dinnerstein concert.
Howard said he remembers seeing so much phony shit when he was in Roosevelt. He said he just wants people to shut the fuck up.
Howard said he doesn't like Kellyanne Conway but he would fuck her. He said the other chick was Hope Hicks. He said that he does agree with Donald about hot chicks. He said he knows what people want to see at a press conference. Robin said she actually said right before she got the job that the President was going to keep us strong and safe and keep the Coronavirus away from us. Howard said well ''Whoops.''
Howard said Trump went out to look strong with the bible and this is the guy who dodged the draft with bone spurs. Howard said the guy is not a religious dude. He said he was carrying on about the bible and he said his favorite passage was ''all of them.'' He said that he knows Donald and he doesn't believe in a higher power. He said he thinks he's the highest power. Robin said he did meet Marla Maples in church. Howard said he stands corrected then.
Howard said the holding of the bible was so awkward. He said he looked like he had never held a book before.
Howard asked if you can really say that Lenny is that bad that you can't defame him. He said maybe they played the judge their show.
Howard said poor Lenny is always in the news for the worst reasons. He said he's never in there for good things.
Howard said he has an update about Lenny in quarantine. He said quarantine has impacted all of us. He said the question is if Lenny is still eating pussy. He said Memet and Derek caught up with Lenny over Zoom. He said Lenny is in a hotel room near L.A. and he's not saying exactly where that is. He said his life is shrouded in mystery. He said Lenny has a young woman in the hotel room with him and he claims to be social distancing with her.
Howard had some audio of Lenny talking to WenWen in his hotel room. Lenny was calling out her name and asking her to stay quiet. Lenny told the guys that they're living life out there. He said now he's a man of the people.
Howard said imagine the madness going on in that hotel room. Howard said Lenny was dealing with teeth problems the whole day. He said his teeth implants got thrown out and they're worth $80,000. Howard had some audio of Lenny talking about the maid throwing his teeth out. He said he went to breakfast and these teeth took 4 years to get. He said he found his teeth missing and he ran to the manager to complain and the guy laughed at him.
Howard asked why you wouldn't bring your teeth with you. He said the maid is just cleaning up. Howard said poor Lenny won the World Series and now he's yelling at managers about his teeth being thrown away.
Howard said he was talking about what phonies the white people are who are expressing their outrage.
Howard said the news channels are talking about George Floyd. He said that they're not doing anything. He said he's not going to do any good talking about this. He said that he's just saying if you're white, don't move out when a black family moves into your neighborhood.
Howard said the black square thing is a fine thing but his advice is to just stay in the neighborhood when a black family moves in. He said this George Floyd thing was terrible. He said he has no idea what to even say about it. Robin said she sees the video of this guy begging for his life and this guy has his knee on his neck and he has a weird conversation and it was just bizarre. Howard said he doesn't know how to make it better.
Howard said he's going to just sit in his basement and get people to wear masks. He said he's a lazy fuck. He said that maybe Robin is right and now that he's president he should sign an executive order that says no more racism. He said all the people will rejoice.
Howard took a call from a guy who said more importantly than all of this is asking why he would say he would fuck Kellyanne Conway. Howard said this guy would fuck her. The caller said no way. He said she looks like rigormortis is setting in. He said she's a skinny skank. Howard said he follows Emily Ratajkowski and loves to see her photos. He said that people comment about how ugly she is. He said these guys are nuts. He said she's not a rocket scientist but you know they'd fuck her. The caller agreed with him on her. Howard said he knows guys would fuck Kellyanne. He said guys are being fake.
The caller asked if he thinks Trump has had his knob polished in office. Howard said yes. He said there is no way he's not getting side pussy. Robin said she really felt for Melania the other day. She said they have to get her out of there.
Howard said in college he had sex with worse than Kellyanne Conway. He said they were desperate and he was desperate. He said he knows desperation. He said he has lived through racism and desperate times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a black family a few doors down and they're great neighbors. He said he would never move out.
Howard said he knows that there are phonies online saying that Emily Ratajkowski is ugly. He said that he had sex with a woman who looked like William Barr. Howard said he ran out of tissues. He said he thinks getting older they blow their nose more. Robin agreed.
Howard said he used to have a tissue replenisher in the studio he used to have. He said now he's in his basement and not getting tissues. He said he'd have to go upstairs and find them and he's just not going to do that. Howard sang about the way things have changed. He sang about having a toothpick replacer and now he's in his basement alone. He sang about how Coronavirus has changed his life.
Howard said he had a guy to check the temperature of the studio. He said now he's freezing and won't get up to change the temperature.
Howard said he made the bed again this morning. He said he never had to do that before. He said his house is falling apart. He said there was a power outage in the neighborhood. He said it blew out a bunch of systems in the house and they can't get the shades down. He said Beth said they have to go to the attic and find the fuse box. Robin said there are no fuses. Howard said it's circuit breakers. He said he didn't want to go up there so he went to bed. He said he can't handle it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been listening since high school. She said she loves that the show is on and she's able to listen to it. She said to not hear anything for a while was really nice. She said that's what she felt about yesterday's show. Howard said that's how he felt. He said one channel was worse than the next. He said that's why he spoke to Marfan Mike.
Howard said his studio is depressing him that he doesn't have staff. He said he was on top. He said he had people making breakfast and checking the temperature. He asked what the point of being famous is now. Beth told him he has to do something with his strawberries today. Howard said he hates that he has to do this stuff now. He told Beth he made the bed today. Beth said she had to change 17 litter boxes. Beth said she's all smelly. Howard asked to smell her armpit. Beth said no way. Howard told her to come there. He sniffed and said he doesn't smell a thing.
Beth said the Roomba isn't working today. She said it gets caught on every cord and wants to back to charging. Howard said they have to work on those things. He said he loves Roomba but they need some work. Howard said he was told by the guy from Roomba that he can map the room. He said there's no way he's doing that.
Beth said there's so much cat hair that the Roomba might be tired of that. Howard said he's swimming in cat hair in the house. He said he has to be with his cats so he can't do anything about it. Howard let Beth go and thanked her for the tissues.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said he hasn't been able to get through lately with all of the new callers. He said a lot of people are home from work now so they have time for that.
Howard said they learned that being on live now they have the lowest listenership since people are home and don't have to go to work. He said they listen more during the later part of the day.
Mike said young people like to listen to podcasts and listen when they want. He said that's what they're doing now.
Howard asked Mike what's up. Mike said that Trump was going to be in town on Friday and the governor asked him not to come because it's disruptive. He said he was going to visit this town because they're making the testing kits there. Howard thanked Mike for the call.
Howard said people were commenting about how great the sound was and all of that. He said they really were. He said he's not sure they'll get back to that. He said even by January he doesn't think they'll be back in those offices.
Robin said she has been having discussions about this. She asked if he will go back to the studio full time when he does go back. Howard said no. He said that ship has sailed. He said he would go in if a band came in.
Howard said he loves ZZ Top. He said they're three guys making all of that music. He said they're great. He played a little bit of their ''La Grange'' performance. He said it's a great 6 minute performance and it might be in his top 5. He said just listen to this.
Howard said he really misses the whole studio thing. He said that there are only like 12 people there in the offices there. He said COVID is still raging. He said they're realizing that a lot of people can do their jobs from home. He said that's including them. Howard said he can see a world where they come in to do concert performances and stuff like that.
Howard said they say there will be a big resurgence of COVID-19 because of all of the congregating that's going on. He said he's thinking about the new studios out in L.A. and how they can't even use them. He said things are changing.
Howard said he was thinking about this performance that Perry Farrell did in the studio. He said he had his wife there and the keyboard player dancing around. Howard said they posted it again on Facebook and he watched it like 15 times again. He said you have to get on and watch this performance.
Howard said he's not sure when he'll get into the studio again. He said he loves musicians. Robin said it's so much fun to watch people who play instruments.
Howard said he was watching the Highwomen doing the cover of ''The Chain.'' He said it's so good. He said that he'd love to be able to see that kind of stuff again in person. He played some of that performance.
Howard said Maren Morris looks so good in that. He said he has Billy Corgan playing ''1979'' acoustic. He said this is great too. He played some of that.
Howard said when Adam Levine did his ''Purple Rain'' cover it got like 19 million views or something like that. He said that he's shredding away during the song. He played some of that too. Howard said if he cold do that he feels like he could be fulfilled in life.
Howard said that night was so great. He said Dave Grohl was playing drums and David Letterman was there. He said John Fogerty was there. He said that there were so many people there. He said he feels like he should mention all of them. Howard said John Mayer was there. He said Sarah Silverman was there. He said the Black Keys, Natalie Maines, Jeff Ross was there. He said it was great. He said Louis C.K. was there. He said Bryan Cranston came out and did a JD impression. He said Jon Bon Jovi came out and performed with Train. He said it was a crazy night. He said it was some fucking show.
Howard said Fred Armisen did that cover of Blackbird that was horrible. He said it was so great. He said he's not sure when they'll ever get to do something like that again.
Howard said he remembers Tracy Morgan being there and he said he was going to get Barbara Walters pregnant. He said Harvey Weinstein was there too. He asked if he fingered Robin. Robin said she was so drunk she wouldn't remember. Howard said that was a hell of a show.
Howard said that's what he was doing last night. He said he really does think you should get into it. He mentioned that David Spade, Lena Dunham and others were there. He said Larry King was there. Robin didn't remember that. Robin said Rosie O'Donnell was there and did a great song parody. Howard said she sang about how his fans have tortured her all these years.
Howard said he has to take a break and get back to Lenny Dykstra. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he saw that the Star Wars twitter account tweeted about how we all have to come together. He said he's not sure where that comes from because they were never coming together. He said all the corporations were tweeting yesterday. Robin said she just read something from Best Buy about how they want to do better.
Howard said he was reading about Spaghetti-Os and how they had their little character waving a flag on a holiday and people got upset about it. He said they haven't tweeted since March 19th.
Howard asked Siri to show him the mascot Spaghetti-Os has. He saw that it was Pearl Harbor day that they had posted on. Howard said the mascot is cute. He said it's holing the American flag.
Howard said SiriusXM went silent for 3 minutes yesterday to show their solidarity. He asked how Robin likes that. She said she'll take that.
Howard read the Star Wars tweet. He said there's a lot going on out there. He said a porn star canceled his weekly cam show yesterday. He said he was one of the guys who was there for High Pitch Erik and showed him his penis in the studio.
Howard said he tried to jerk off yesterday and nothing came out. He said that he took his phone into the bathroom with him and watched some porn. He said nothing happened though.
Howard said he can't balance things right when he does that. He said he has to push it against the wall and it falls down all the time. He said he has to cover the camera with a tissue so no one can watch him.
Howard said Jason used to jerk off with his phone in a plastic bag in the shower. Jason said that's true. He said he used to do that in the shower but that was at that time. He said things have changed.
Gary said Jason got caught in bed with his iPad and tissues. He said he fell asleep and his wife found him. Howard said there's no way he'd get caught like that. Jason said he had lesbian porn playing on his iPad. He said he's not sure how he fell asleep.
Howard said he heard he has VR porn now. Jason said he does. He said that you look down and you see the porn star's dick down there. He said you can really get into it. He said he hasn't been able to do it since they were home with Coronavirus. He said you have to make sure that there's no one around when you do that. He said that you need a full 8 hours of freedom.
Howard said imagine walking in the room and seeing him with that on his head. He laughed thinking about that. Jason said he talks back to the girl in the video. Howard asked to see the gear. Jason showed him what he uses. Howard said look at that thing.
Jason told Howard how amazing it is. He said you really get lost in it. Howard said he might have to try it. Jason said that VR is harder to find but it's up and coming. Howard said he might have to go to his house and try it out. Robin asked if he wants to wear those. Howard said not really.
Will said that Jason says it's great but it's not that great. He said the video is all grainy. He said it's not as great as he makes it out.
Howard said the porn he watched was unbelievable but nothing came out when he was jerking off. He said this video he watched was a step mother yelling at her step daughter. He said she's yelling at her about marrying her father and how she thought she was going to win some beauty pageants. Howard said she's yelling at the daughter about how she's not putting effort into looking good and tells her to take her outfit off. He said she's in bra and panties and then the mom asks if she wants to win pageants. She tells the daughter what to do and gets her on a counter so she can spread her legs. Howard said he was hoping she wouldn't do it but the step mom starts going down on her. He said they go to town and it was no wonder he didn't cum. He said it was ridiculous.
Howard said Lenny likes to tell women to tell people about his artwork which is what he calls his cunnilingus. Howard played a clip of Lenny trying to get WenWen to talk about that. Lenny told her to tell people how great he is at that. She said she was on a journey like never before and it was great.
Robin asked if he ordered her through the internet. Howard said it did sound a bit coerced. Robin said true.
Howard said Lenny told them about his latest business venture. Howard played a clip where Lenny talked about how Howard Stern will be a hero when he takes this on air. Lenny said he's going from being a man of pussy to man of the people. He said you have to get tested. Howard said he may have skipped a clip. He said Lenny talks about taking his teeth out so he can eat WenWen out. He played that clip and Lenny had WenWen talk about him taking her to a new galaxy. Howard said it's very important to him for people to hear how good he is in bed.
Howard said there's always something crazy going on in that hotel room. Robin said he's always yelling for WenWen.
Howard said that Lenny was talking about this test that he wants everyone to get and he says it's FDA approved. He said Memet saw that it was the FDA in the Philippines. Howard played a clip of Lenny talking about masks that he has being shipped out. Memet asked if he wears one when he goes out. Lenny said he doesn't need a mask. He said they're a joke. He said it's not transferred through the air. He said it's through touch. He said masks are like condoms and he's selling masks because of capitalism.
Howard said Lenny had a message for Robin. He played a clip of Lenny talking about how he's tested negative for Coronavirus but Robin will be positive when he eats her out.
Howard said if you're not on in the mornings then you're not really on. Robin said maybe get on in the afternoon.
The caller said that he was given a shot to learn radio and he believes he has. He said he's on in Orlando. Howard said that's pretty good.
Sean said that everything is based on the Nielson ratings. Howard said that's TV ratings. Sean said he's only been on the air for a year. He said he'd like to be on at a different time. Howard said he's getting annoyed so figure it out yourself. He said he figured it out so he can figure it out for himself.
Howard said he told Sean last year to book JD as a guest. He said it was a goof. He said things are bad in radio now. He said Booker got fired and he was at a station for a really long time. He said they just threw him right out. He had some notes to read about that. He said radio is cold. He said they make budget cuts and fire everyone. He said all they're doing is firing everyone local and letting one guy have a spot all over the country.
Howard said this station in Los Angeles, KLOS, was going to hire him but he went to New York instead. He said this legendary station would have been cool to work at but he didn't want to go all the way out there. He said the station has been there forever. He read about how this morning show host, Frosty, was fired from his own show. He said he's never heard of this guy but he was the only one with an interesting name. He said get rid of Heidi and Frank. He said don't get rid of the guy with the cool name. He said his real name is Frosty Stillwell. He was furloughed from the show back in March. He said that was due to budget cuts. He said now he's been removed from the show.
Howard said radio is inefficient. He said they immediately changed it to Heidi and Frank. He said they got that done quickly.
Howard said this guy Frosty is very nice. He said he put out a statement about being nice to Heidi and Frank. He said he wouldn't be like that. He'd be like ''Fuck Heidi and Frank...''
Howard read some details about this guy Frasier Smith who has been around a long time and how he left the station with some other guy who had been there a long time. Howard said his point is that KLOS was a big station and they can't even afford to pay people. He said radio guys are getting out of the business and moving on to other things. He said one guy he knows went on to be a garbage man. He said he's not making this up.
Sal got on and said he knew this guy who went on to become a garbage man. Howard asked how he knew him. Sal said he worked in the building. He said he couldn't wait to become a garbage man. He said he'd see him out by the food truck and he would tell him this and he thought he was joking. He said he was actually a programmer, not a DJ. He said he thinks he was in charge of putting the commercials in during the replays on Howard's show.
Sal said the guy said it paid well and better than the job there. He said he followed up with him about 6 months later and he loves the job. Howard said he's seeing Sal's future. Sal said he'll be thrown in the truck.
Howard said he heard he was on a wait list to get on the sanitation crew. Sal said he looks nothing like a garbage guy. He said he was very frail. He said he hangs off the back of the truck. Howard thought he might drive. He said it took King of All Blacks years to become a driver.
Howard said he saw that Sal posted a black box yesterday. Sal said it was a bad idea. He said people viewed it as a joke. He said they were commenting and laughing at him. He said they thought it was a bit he was doing. He said his son came up to him asking what was going on. He said he told him he wanted to show some empathy and they told him to stop it. He said he's doing what Howard said. He said he left the black square party and took it down. He said he meant it but he gets it.
Howard said he heard that Sal is watching birds now. Sal said he is and he found an app that will attract birds. He said he plays the sounds and his wife asks what he's doing out there. He said she thinks they're going to shit all over the place and he got yelled at over that.
Howard got King of All Blacks on the phone and asked how long it took him to become a driver. King said he always drove because he tested higher than most. He said he was making $85,000 a year when he left that job. He said it was a good job. He said he did it for 32 years. Howard said that's a good job. He said he tells people that all the time. King said you still have to get out of the truck. He said you can't just sit there. He said you get out and do some work. Howard said he doesn't have to get out though. King said he did get out.
Howard said King once had to pee so he went in a bottle and forgot about it and ended up drinking it. King said he was picking up garbage and he forgot and took a drink of it. He said he thought it was coffee. Robin asked how it was. King said it was salty.
Howard said if he was in the truck he'd throw that right in the back of the truck. King said you're always going forward though. He said you're never going back. He said you put the garbage on the curb. Howard said imagine collecting garbage now during COVID-19. He said there must be a lot.
King said one of the guys had Coronavirus where he used to work and now 12 of them have it. He said he won't stop to talk to them. He said he rolls his window down and says a quick hello.
Howard said King was saying that it's his wife's obligation to get Coronavirus if King gets it. King said it's through thick and thin. He said King was saying that he'd rather have her get it if he gets it. Howard said he wouldn't want Beth to get it. King said he's such a bullshit artist. He said you know you'd want her to get it. Howard said no way he'd want that. Robin said it doesn't affect everyone the same way so you could kill her giving it to her. Howard said King doesn't care.
Howard said he wanted to do a Zoom tour of King's house but his wife doesn't want him to do that so she's actually the one calling the shots. King said that's not true. He said she just doesn't want him walking around showing stuff. Gary said he's totally pussy whipped. He said that he never cared what she wanted before. King said she just doesn't want him showing their stuff. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he worked for a garbage company and he loved working there. He said he had nothing to think about. He said he looks back on it and thinks about how much he loved it. Howard said he felt that way about washing dishes. He said they had to feed 1000 people a day and he did dishes. He said he didn't make any money doing that but it was a great job. He said if it paid 85,000 a year he might have done it as a career.
Howard said King is back on the line. He said he has to go at some point. King said he got him all caught up in the garbage. He asked if he saw Gregory Floyd's porno. Robin said it was George Floyd. King asked if he saw his porno. Howard said he doesn't want to get into that. King said he was in a porno flick and it's true. Gary and Robin said they're looking into it. JD said he thinks he found it. He said it does look sort of like him. King said he has to see it. Howard said he has to get out of this.
Howard said he's just uncomfortable with King. He said he's not sure what he's doing. He said he's rather talk to him about garbage. He said he has a lot of thoughts on picking up garbage and how he likes white people's garbage more than others.
Robin said this guy looks like George Floyd. Howard said he has to close his door. He said he hears this hum for the dehumidifier. He went over to close the door and said he's not sure why he even has one. Robin asked why he got it. Howard said when he was famous before COVID-19 he just paid people to do this stuff for him. Robin asked if he's emptying it. Howard said he's not getting involved with it. He said life used to be such a pleasure.
Howard said he didn't even know he had a dehumidifier. He said now he knows about it. He said they may have removed it whenever he went in the basement before. He said he wants to pretend that he's one of those guys who has people. Robin said it must be the season because her's came on too. She said she was shocked. Howard said he's sure he's supposed to do something to it. Robin said you're supposed to empty it when it gets full. Howard said he's sure that someone will do something. He said that will be Mrs. First Lady.
Robin asked if he's ever going to let people help him when things get back to normal. Howard said he doesn't see that happening any time soon. He said it may never happen.
Howard had some clips of Oprah giving that speech. He said she's become a guru. He said she's so knowledgeable about life. He said she's become the explainer like the people she used to have on her show.
Howard played a clip of Oprah talking about what graduate means. He said he zoned out during that. He said he wanted to tell her that she's losing the kids with that speech. He said she was saying that it's important for them to stay still. He played another clip of her talking about that. He said he disagrees with everything she just said. He said things don't just come to you like she said.
Howard said Oprah also talked about how everyone has to find their ''essential service.'' He played a clip of her talking about that.
Howard said he has to get out of his house before he can do any of that. He said he doesn't believe any kid watched that.
Howard did an impression of that speech giving thing. Fred played some music like Oprah had playing behind her. Howard gave advice like ''Wear a fucking rubber.'' He also said get on the waiting list to become a garbage man. He said do that for 20 years and retire and then get another job.
Howard gave the advice to listen to him or Oprah. He said he'll give it to you straight. He said the sad part is that you can come up with the cure for Coronavirus and you still won't get laid. He said you have to become a rock star. He gave some advice on cleaning fruit with baking soda. He said if he were a kid he'd post pictures of himself online and try to become an influencer.
Howard gave some advice about wrapping your penis in toilet paper to keep from dribbling. He said that's all he has to say to those little assholes. He forgot to mention to cover up the camera on your iPhone when you jerk off.
Howard said he has no idea what Oprah was talking about. He had the guys play one of those clips. He said they're all lies. He said Benjy is in his 50s and he still doesn't have answers.
Howard said Oprah's video was over 8 minutes long. Robin asked if it was 8 minutes of that. Howard said it was and Robin wouldn't last 30 seconds with it.
Howard gave more advice. He said if you get false teeth never leave them in your hotel room. He said don't go out on the roof when there are dead birds out there. He said he will leave you with some wisdom from Mark the Bagger. He said Pussy is awesome. Pussy is the greatest.''
Howard said he would drag JD out and tell the students that he wasted his tax return on cam girls. He said he'd tell kids what he's learned like never ask Paul McCartney for his autograph in front of your kids.
Howard said never jerk off at work. He said Sal almost lost his job there because of that. He said that never give anyone your email because people will bother you and never leave you alone. He said learn guitar and don't study your Hof Torah.
Howard said don't just invite the female interns to your barbecue. He said you'll look like an idiot. He said don't take a 4 way hit of acid if you take it. Robin said never do blackface. Howard said don't wash your asshole in the sink. He said don't make your limo driver famous. He said call Robin Williams before he dies.
Howard said if you work hard you can get a guy with the title Captain to do everything for you. Robin said he doesn't quit. Howard said the best advice he has is to never videotape yourself pleading with your girlfriend to take you back. He said it'll bite you in the Baba Booey ass. He said never send your parents Nathan's hot dogs out of the blue either.
Howard said what they did with this Oprah thing was get Debbie the Cum Lady (or Debbie the Cum Slut) to record a commencement speech. He said they asked her to make a speech to the class of 2020. Howard played the clip of Debbie talking about how it's not who you know but who you blow. She gave some advice on sex and educating on giving better blow jobs. He said it has helped her with her employment. She said have an open mind about giving blow jobs.
Howard said her advice is to blow your boss and you'll get ahead. Robin said they're all very practical things. Howard said Julia Child gave the same speech at his commencement.
Howard said they asked Medicated Pete to give a commencement speech. He said Pete has never been a model student. He said at one point he says it's okay if you never end up doing anything because it's worked out for him. Howard played the audio of Pete giving his speech and saying that there are a lot of bumpy roads ahead but don't let them get in your way. He said that's all part of the run. He said even if you don't do anything that's okay. He said do whatever floats your boat.
Howard said Bobo was as boring as Oprah. He said his speech would put students to sleep in 3 seconds. Howard played some of his speech. Bobo was giving students advice on how to succeed and going on and on about how you can navigate your own ship in life.
Howard said Bobo is pretty confident for a moron. He said that speech could clear a room in seconds.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk gave a speech too. He played some of that and Jeff gave some words of encouragement to the class of 2020. Jeff said hang in there and things will get better. He did that click, click sound after saying that. Jeff went on to talk about how New York is on the down turn but they can show the world how to make things better.
Howard said nothing has ever gotten better for Jeff. Robin said he's been waiting a long time for things to get better. Howard said he speaks like he's in slow motion.
Howard said Marfan Mike did a great speech. He played the audio of Mike saying something that was pretty much unintelligible.
Howard said those speeches are available to any graduating class that wants them. He said get people who are losers instead of Oprah. He said there are more of those in the world than Oprah who is one in a billion. He said Jeff the Drunk relates more to them. He said just sit in you trailer and wait for the check to come.
Howard said the colleges give you people who you'll never achieve more than. He said you hear Oprah talking about finding your best self and all of that. He said she's talking about your essential self but people don't have time for that. He said he's sick of these people giving commencement speeches.
Shuli said in the past Erik said she was gross and didn't want to do anything with her. He asked what has changed. Erik said that her voice is very attractive. Howard said they had it lined up for him years ago and he said no way. Erik said her voice turns him on now. He said he heard her speech and he got some wood. He said he's turned on by her.
Howard said he got Erik a job in a porno and he didn't even get hard. Erik said that's because there were cameras there. Howard said he was with that Dynamite porn star. Erik said it took him like an hour to finish. Howard said he never finished. Erik said he knows he can do it with Debbie.
Howard asked Erik if he's going to be able to cum in her mouth. Erik said she can take his shirt off and he can take her's off. Shuli said she wants to milk his prostate too. Howard asked if Erik knows what that means. Erik said he doesn't. Howard asked if he knows what cumming is. Erik said they're the yellow stains that come out of your penis. Howard told him it's the white stuff, not the yellow stuff. He said it's not pee. He said don't pee in her mouth. Erik said okay. Howard said you have to make sure it's the white stuff.
Howard said Erik may have never cum before. He said he thinks cum is yellow. Howard said when he was a kid he thought that peeing was ejaculating.
Howard asked if Erik can take a finger up his ass when he's doing this. Erik asked if it's going to hurt. Howard said it shouldn't. Erik said he wants her to blow him first and then she can do it again and she can stick a finger in his ass and blow him again.
Howard said he has Danny the Cum Guy on the phone. He said he wants to blow Erik. Howard got fake Danny on the line and Erik said he wants Debbie. Howard said he passed that test.
Howard asked if Debbie is really going to go to Erik's place. Sal said he'll reach out to her. He said she also said she wants to lick Erik's asshole. Erik said she can do that. He said he'll even pick her up from the airport. Robin said she loves Erik's foreplay of picking her up at the airport.
Erik said he's traveling so he has to wait until after that. Shuli said he has some updates on that. He said Erik was at a friend's house over the weekend for a barbecue. He said he was feeding the guy's babies. Erik said it was outside. Shuli said he was around people. Erik said there were only 5 people there. Howard asked if he was wearing a mask. Erik said no one was.
Shuli said Erik rented a car about a month ago because he didn't want to lose his parking place for his truck. He said he asked him if he still has it. He still has it and he rented it for the entire month of June. Howard said that makes no sense. Erik said if he moves the truck then he loses his spot. He said parking where he lives is a son of a bitch. Shuli said now he has to find parking for two cars. Erik said he parks the rental in the driveway and he will take that and put it where his truck is to save the parking spot. Howard asked how much it costs to rent the car for the month. Erik said it's like $1000. Howard said how about just buying a parking space. Erik said the truck is too big for the parking lot.
Shuli said at the end of the month Erik is flying to L.A. to stay with a friend. Howard asked how he doesn't have COVID-19. Shuli said he has done nothing to prevent it. Howard said a parking space costs $500 a month. He said he could get two spots for the price of the one rental.
Shuli asked if he's flying coach or first class. Erik said first class. Howard said he must be doing well with Cameo. Erik said the other day he had 30 Cameos. Shuli said he will read anything. He said he ended one with ''White power.'' Howard asked if he's upset about what happened with George Floyd. Erik said absolutely. Howard asked why he would say white power. Erik said that's what they asked him to read.
Howard said Erik is going to get sick and they're going to need 10 ventilators for him. Erik said he wore a mask into 7-Eleven. He said he always wears a mask in a store. Howard said a first class ticket to L.A. is about $2,800. Erik said he paid $1,300. He said no one is flying. Howard said he got a ton of money for reading ''white power.'' Shuli did his impression of Erik reading the birthday message that ended with ''white power.'' Howard asked if he would read ''Heil Hitler'' in a video. Erik said sure. Howard asked why he would read that. Erik said if he gets paid to do it he'll do it.
Howard asked Erik if there's anything he won't read. Erik said he fucks up his lines from time to time. He said he just lets those go. Howard asked if he would read ''Death to America'' would he read that. Erik said no because that's dangerous. Howard asked if he would do it for $500. Erik said no because he loves his country.
Erik said he took his police shields out of his windows because he doesn't want anyone breaking his windows.
Howard said he's sure that Erik would read whatever they sent him. Erik said not those things he told him.
Erik asked if Howard heard his commencement speech. Howard said he didn't know he did one. Shuli said it was terrible. Howard said hopefully they can get Erik hooked up with Debbie. He said he has to treat her right if she does come over. Erik said he'll take a shower with her and they can wash each other. He said he'll suck on her tits. Howard laughed when he heard that. He said it sure sounds like fun.
Erik asked if they can get Debbie on the phone. Howard said that's not a bad idea. He said he can try. He said they have Erik reading a Cameo with ''Death to America. Allahu Akbar'' in it. He had the clip so he played it. Erik said that was from a year ago. He said he gets paid to do Cameos so he does what they ask him. Howard said he just said he would never say that. Erik said he didn't know he said that. He said it had to be a year ago. He said he got paid for it so that's why he did it. Howard said like that makes it better.
Howard said the guys have a clip of Erik bashing him. He asked if that's true. He played the clip and Erik was bashing Howard and saying that someone else should take over the show.
Howard said people are going to believe that he says this stuff. Howard said he's in the middle of trying to hook him up with Debbie and he's got this tape. Erik said Howard knows he loves him. He said someone sent him that on Cameo.
Howard played another clip of Erik saying ''Fuck the U.S. troops.'' Howard asked what that's about. Erik said he loves the troops. He said that was an old Cameo.
Howard said Debbie the Cum Lady should be blowing the troops. Robin said something to Erik about how he'll read anything that's put in front of him. Erik told her to stop being feeble minded.
Howard said that Abdul the terrorist is a fan of Erik's. He got Abdul on the phone and had him talking about Erik and what a hero he is to him. Erik said ''fuck you dick.'' Howard let that go on for a couple of minutes.
Howard asked if Abdul is a fan because he heard him say Allahu Akbar. Abdul said yes. Howard had clips of Erik saying a bunch of things and said that's why Abdul is a fan. Robin asked what he would say to the guy who had him read those messages. Erik asked how many times he has to tell her to stop being feeble minded. He said those were from years ago. He said he won't do them anymore.
Howard said they're playing that clip in the Middle East right now. He said people are going wild. Erik said fuck the Middle East. Howard asked if he would ever send a message to a pedophile like Jared from Subway. He quickly played a clip of Erik doing that. Howard asked why he would read that. He said he has to learn to turn something down. Erik asked why he's playing these old Cameos. Howard said he has to be discerning with what he reads. Robin asked why he's so feeble minded.
Howard said he has Debbie the Cum Lady on the phone. Erik said he wants to talk to her. Howard let Debbie talk to Erik about what she wants to do to him. She said she's going to make him cum like he's never cum before. She was talking about how he's going to explode like he's never done before. Erik said he's going to explode like a volcano.
Erik said his penis is getting so hard hearing this. He said he's in his truck right now. Debbie went on and on about what she wants to do to him. Erik said he can't wait for her to come to New York. He said he's going to explode in her mouth so hard. Debbie talked about having his cock in her mouth and how wet she gets thinking about that. Erik and Debbie did some dirty talk. Robin asked if she can get out of this room. Debbie and Erik went on talking dirty to each other. Erik said he's so hard right now. Howard said they heard that already.
Howard asked if Debbie can get up there and how long she will stay. Debbie said it won't be until the fall and she wants him to come to her hotel room. She said they can spend a couple of hours together. She said if he can stay overnight that would be great. Erik said he can do that.
Howard asked if there is a man she wouldn't blow. She said she doesn't think so. Howard asked if she would change her mind if she heard him saying Allahu Akbar and fuck the troops. Debbie said it might. She said it might be best if they don't talk.
Howard asked Erik if he's going to go to Florida. Erik said he thought she was coming up there. Howard said she could be dead from COVID-19 by then. He said he has to act quickly.
Howard asked if Debbie would drink Erik's cum that was saved for her. She said she would love that. She asked Erik to start doing that and save it for her so she can drink it while she's taking his pants off.
Howard wrapped up with Debbie. He let her go and Erik asked what kind of condoms he should get. He said they break on him. Howard said that's because he's so small that it falls off. Howard said he'd wear a condom when she blows him. He said you never know what someone has.
Howard took a call from fake Donnie Wahlberg who said that he can blow him better than Debbie. He said they can eat Twinkies out of each other's ass. Erik knew it wasn't Donnie. He said he's turning him down. He said the offer is off the table. Howard wrapped up with Erik and let him go.
Howard said he was going to give a tour of Ronnie's basement but time has run out. He said they can do it another time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was going to eat lunch today but now he's not sure that will be happening. Howard said you have to be amazed that Erik has a girlfriend. The caller said he made it through ball torture but not through Erik.
Howard got in a plug for their show sponsor for the day Blackened American Whiskey. He ended the show around 10:25am.