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Howard started the show talking about how he thinks retarded people should be able to vote. Howard said he's not sure anyone is monitoring that. Howard said there is no cut off. Howard said anyone can vote if they're of the right age. Howard said he's wondering if Wendy goes in to register if they would stop her. Howard said they can't. He said she's of age. Robin asked how much you can help a person to vote. Howard said his mother used to bring him into the booth with her. Robin said that's teaching a child though. Robin said a guy could bring Wendy in and vote for her. Howard said this came up because High Pitch Erik had his Periscope going and Joey Boots asked who he was voting for. Robin said she thinks that most people aren't even interested in voting.
Howard said High Pitch Erik is for Trump but he's on the dole so you'd think he'd be a democrat. Howard played some of the audio of Joey talking to Erik about who he's voting for. Erik said he's not voting for that cunt Hillary. He said ''fuck you'' to her a bunch of times and called her a cunt. Howard said the only problem there is that they don't have jobs and you'd think they'd vote for someone who isn't going to take away their benefits.
Howard said he's thinking that Joey Boots told Erik about the whole email scandal. He was going off on her about that in the clip. Howard played another clip of Erik going off on Al Sharpton too. Joey said he had to get going and then Erik said he had to go upstairs and jerk off.
Howard said he thinks their voices are coming through the right side of the headphones and not the left. Howard said when they play tape it's on both sides. Gary said he's going to check on it now. Howard said something's up.
Howard said he hears everything but he thinks he is losing some hearing. Howard said he had an alarm going off in the house and he didn't hear it. Howard said Beth heard it. He said they say that's normal hearing loss though. He said who cares anyway. He said as you get older you do lose it.
Gary said there may be an issue with his headphones. Howard said that could be it but he's having an issue. Robin said she can hear in both ears.
Howard said he has some tape of a woman talking about Bobo's driving class. He said it's not positive. Howard played the clip and the woman said Bobo talked about himself and what he did in the driving world. Bobo said that it's not true because he never taught at Nassau Community College.
Gary came in and told Howard he left the cue buttons on so that's why his headset sounded weird. Howard thanked him for that.
Robin told Howard about the voting down in Florida and how that works. Gary said they looked it up and there is early voting too. Howard was going to let Bobo go but he had to say one more thing. Bobo said he loved the cock ring discussion last week. He asked if there's anything new going on in the Mund household now. Howard said this might be the shittiest question ever. Howard had Bobo's Toupee on the phone too.
Howard said that Ronnie has a girlfriend who is 34 years younger than he is. Howard said Ronnie is like 66 or so. Howard said the first words out of his mouth are that he wants to take his bachelor party on the road. Howard said maybe you don't have one. He said they're for guys in their 20s. Howard said he's a grandfather and he wants a bachelor party. Robin said Ronnie is living some second life that he never dreamed he'd live. Howard said what happened was that Ronnie was never on the air that much when he started. He said then he had him do security over at K-Rock and he gave it to him. He said then he started getting on the air more. Then his horrible personality came out. He said it's funny but it's disturbing. Howard said then he took him to Scores and Ronnie latched on to Lonnie. Howard said then he started showing up every week at the strip club. Howard said he'd be there every weekend. Robin said that was like his Cheers.
Howard said Ronnie got very full of himself like he's a stud. Howard said if you're famous or an owner of the club the girls will treat you differently. Howard said the chicks were going crazy for Ronnie. Howard said he heard him talking to JD about it and he told him these young girls want older guys. Bobo's Toupee said his bachelor party could be sponsored by Depends.
Howard said he's thinking that he shouldn't have this bachelor party going around the country. Howard said he has some tape of Ronnie to play. He said he has a Ronnie Cock Ring tip. He said it's a little early in the morning for this but he'll play it. In the clip Ronnie talked about putting the cock ring into your girl's pussy to lube it up. He said then you put it on and pull it all the way down. He said you'll blow your load like you've never done it before.
Bobo's Toupee said he threw up all over Bobo after hearing that. Howard said when Ronnie is nude he wonders if she thinks it's great. Robin said she thinks the lights are all out. Howard said he doesn't know one guy who uses a cock ring other than Ronnie. He said he thought it was a piece of metal. Howard said he didn't know it was made of a condom material. Howard said the lights have to be off for that. He said they probably wait for a blackout so no light is in the room at all. Howard said the windows are shut and boarded up.
Howard played another cock ring tip from Ronnie. In that one Ronnie talked about putting the smaller ring around the tip of your dick so it gets really swollen. He said the woman will be clawing at your back and moaning from it.
Bobo's Toupee said that Ronnie is whispering so the cops don't hear him. Bobo stepped on that line saying Ronnie could be a spokesperson. Howard said he just ruined his delivery. Bobo's Toupee said that's the story of his life.
Howard played a song parody that Ronnie sang about getting married. Howard said his wife asked if he's going to the wedding. Howard said he can't not go. He said if he goes Beth has to go. Howard said they can't miss that. He said that would be fun. Robin said she can't not go either. Robin said he could sell tickets to it. Bobo's Toupee said they can see Stephanie try to run away from it.
Howard played another song that Ronnie sang about getting married. Gary came in with some other couples who might be more or less than Ronnie and Stephanie's age gap. He said that Larry King and his wife are only 26 years. Ronnie and Stephanie are 33. Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford were only 23 years apart. Gary said Michael Douglas and his wife were only 23. He said Dick Van Dyke is 46 years apart from his current wife. Howard said Ronnie's girlfriend is hot too. He said she's really into him too.
Howard said there was never a more romantic proposal than this either. Howard played a clip with Ronnie telling Stephanie how to find the ring to the tune of a Bruce Springsteen's ''Secret Garden'' song.
Howard read about how Rupert Murdoch and his girlfriend are 26 years apart. Howard said other than Dick Van Dyke Ronnie has them all beat. Howard let Bobo and Bobo's Toupee go after that.
Howard said he has to take a break but he has a cock ring tip from phony Arnold Schwarzenegger. He played that and then went to break.
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Howard came back and said he has to listen to a little bit of this song. Howard said the problem with this version is that Rod doesn't start off singing it. He said it's someone else he can't remember. He said you don't care about it until Rod starts singing it. He said it's a big difference. Howard said he's a music analyst. He said he was a judge on TV so he knows.
Howard said Joey boots says he has never been on SSI. Howard had him on the phone and asked how he exists. Joey said he's retired military. He said he's medically retired. Joey said that he has never had food stamps or anything like that. He said he makes a few thousand a month from his retirement. Howard said he finds it odd that Erik is republican. Joey said he thinks that he gets that from his friends he hangs with. He said that Erik hangs out with people who talk about how much the mayor sucks and things like that. Howard said Erik has views that aren't really well formulated.
Howard asked if Joey is back to drinking. Joey said he has been. Howard said he was doing so well. Joey said he had some traumatic things happen in his life and he started drinking again. Howard said the guy who does the impression of Joey did some more stuff. Joey said that guy is fantastic. Joey said he's been in an acting program and he's been doing that.
Howard played an High Pitch Erik and Joey Boots at court bit that this guy did. Howard said he loves the impression. Howard played the clip and in it he has Joey giving Erik advice on what to say in court. Howard said that impression is good. Joey said it's spot on. He said it sounds like an actual conversation that they would have. Howard let Joey go after that.
Howard said Joey's health doesn't seem so good either. Howard said just listen to his cough in his podcast. Howard played a clip and Joey starts coughing heavy and it gets really bad like Jeff the Drunk. Howard asked what that is. He said it goes on forever. Robin said he's supposed to be broadcasting. Howard said that's right. He's in the middle of a broadcast. Howard said he had to stop the clip. He said if that was his cough he would change his whole way of living. Howard said his cough button committed suicide.
Howard played a clip of Beetlejuice announcing who is on the show today. It was unintelligible so Howard played Gary the Conqueror saying that John Goodman is on the show today. Howard said he's in the greatest movie of all time. He said it's fantastic. He said he saw it yesterday and it's fantastic. He said the movie is called ''10 Cloverfield Lane.'' Howard said the movie is so good. He said don't read about it, just go see it. Howard said it's so good. Howard said he thinks the movie will do very well.
Howard said he saw the movie and then saw it again. He said that's how good it is. Robin said John is in a show on Amazon or Netflix about these guys who are congressmen living in the same house. Howard said he won't watch that.
Tan Mom said they hacked her phone. Howard said he read some tweets from her account that called him a kike and Robin a ''nig''. Howard said he saw them and thought it was her. Tan Mom said it wasn't her. Howard read the tweets that came from her account and she used Jew, Kike and some stuff about Robin. Howard said he doesn't think she's ever say such a thing. Tan Mom said she didn't know it was going on. She said that she got a call from a security person. Howard asked who has her passcode. She said she had to change it. She said she's not illiterate. Howard said she's saying the tweets weren't from her. Tan Mom said that he knows that. Howard said he doesn't know that.
Howard asked Tan Mom about being abducted. Tan Mom said something about being thrown out on the left side instead of the right side. It didn't make sense. Tan Mom said she knows a guy who knows how to look into this stuff. Howard asked how she got out of the kidnapping. She said her husband helped her get out of that. Howard asked if they have arrested the kidnapper. Tan Mom said no. Robin said this is crazy. Howard said her life is crazy. Tan Mom said when this whole Tan Mom thing happened it got crazy. She said she got a voicemail this morning at 6 something and this guy is saying all of this stuff.
Howard asked if her life is exhausting. Tan Mom said it is. She said it's gotten psycho. Howard said he knows she has problems with her husband but he hopes she made love to him for saving her. She said she did not. Howard said he thinks she should do something special for him and do something nice for him. Tan Mom said she's not going to do that.
Howard said Tan Mom was doing a Periscope show and she stopped. Howard said she had a successful show on there. Howard played a clip from one of her shows where she was preparing to go to a party. Tan Mom said she would do more when she can figure out more things but she's so busy at work. Tan Mom laughed when she heard the clip.
Howard asked what work she's doing and why she was in lingerie if she doesn't like being in it. Tan Mom said she wishes she would be with someone she's more attracted to. Howard said ''Like Sal?'' She said yes. Tan Mom said she would never insult... She said there are so many people after her. She said she's getting phone calls and getting ripped off. She said it's terrible. She said this loser in Philadelphia ripped her off for the money she did for a magazine. She said he calls the house but she blocked him. Howard said they can't straighten that out here. He said they should move on. Tan Mom was crying over that.
Howard said President Obama was talking about Tan Mom the other day. Howard played a clip of fake Obama talking about how tanning lotions are a problem for the people of America. He said he's going to take executive action against D-list celebrities like Tan Mom. Howard asked what's up with that. Tan Mom said she has some friends who spoke to him and he didn't want them being promoted. Howard played more of the fake clip and fake Obama said it was all about making a quick buck. Tan Mom yelled out ''Mother fucker!'' She said she did not say these things or do it. Howard said she's cleared that up today. Tan Mom said she can't believe anyone would believe that. Howard said that was all cleared up so thank goodness.
Howard said Tan Mom has to have her own private password for her Twitter account. She said she needs an assistant to help her out. Howard said maybe her husband could help. She said forget it.
Howard said Tan Mom says that her new tanning cream is going through the roof but it's not available to buy anywhere. Tan Mom said she gives out samples to salons and people like that. She said that it's going to go into tanning salons and things like that. Howard said they say it's called Sun Kisses and it will be up on her web site in 2 weeks. Tan Mom said that her whole phone is messed up and she has to go deal with that. She said it's so aggravating. Howard said the whole President thing is something else. Howard had another clip of Obama talking about how they were going to hack Tan Mom's Twitter account with the NSA. Howard said he cleared all of this up. Tan Mom said she can't believe all of this.
Howard asked if Tan Mom went to the Oscar parties. She said she did. She said the only person she saw was Robert De Niro. Howard said he thought it was Al Pacino. She said he was there too. Howard asked how she got into those parties. Tan Mom said it's because of who she is. Tan Mom claims that she dated Robert De Niro at some point. She said she got a kiss from him back then.
Howard asked if it's true that she joined Scientology. She said she left it already. Howard asked how long she was in it. Tan Mom said she went back to temple. She said she's not Jewish but she has dated Jewish guys. She said Scientology bored her. Howard asked why it didn't appeal to her. She said it's kind of a cult and you can't drink. Howard said that's got her out right there. Tan Mom said it didn't connect for her. Howard said when you have a Tan Mom or a Tom Cruise it's something else.
Howard took a call from a fake Bernie Sanders who said he uses her tanning cream all the time and he uses it to masturbate so he has a tan member. Howard said he doesn't sound like himself today. Tan Mom said that was just an idiot.
Howard took a call from Shuli who was doing his Tan Mom impression. She said that he's her favorite kike of all the likes. Howard asked if she has a tanning cream. She said she has a Twat cream. Howard said there is another Tan Mom going around claiming to be Tan Mom. Shuli's Tan Mom said that her twat cream is available nowhere.
Howard said he thinks that the real Tan Mom is there in front of him. Howard said that her facial cream is also selling like crazy but it's also not available anywhere. She said it will be available in a couple of weeks at some stores.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she had any affairs in L.A. while she was out there. She said she did meet one guy she kissed but that was it. She said she had 5 bottles of champagne before doing that.
Howard said that Tan Mom's phone was hacked and she claims she did not write those things about kike and nig. Howard said she was in L.A. and at the top parties and saw De Niro and made out with a producer. Howard asked what the guy has produced. Tan Mom said that he made Goodfellas so Howard thought it was Martin Scorsese. She said that she just wants to move on. She didn't want to talk about it.
Howard asked Tan Mom what she wore out there. Tan Mom talked about the dress she had and now she didn't have a bra on. She said she has a walking problem and she didn't do the red carpets out there. She said she is trying not to make a jerk out of herself. Howard said she's doing a good job with that.
Howard gave Tan Mom some plugs for her tanning cream which will be available in a couple of weeks on her web site. He said it's not available now but it's going through the roof. Tan Mom said it's $25 but she's donating $5 to cancer.
Howard said Tan Mom has cleared up a lot today. Robin asked if the kidnappers were arrested. Howard said they're still out there. Tan Mom said it's very creepy and she's dealt with this kind of thing before. She said it got more insane today than when the first Tan Mom nightmare happened. Howard thanked her for coming in and wrapped up with her.
Tan Mom said that she would never call anyone there on the show bad names. Howard thanked her for that. Tan Mom asked Robin if she forgives her. Robin asked what she would have to forgive her for if she didn't do anything wrong. Howard said no apologies necessary. Tan Mom said that she's going out with Sal and Ronnie on the 28th so they can go nuts. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. Howard said he wanted to mention that Dan Hicks of Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks died. Howard said that he was one of those guys that Meg Griffin used to play. He didn't want to play any of his music though.
Howard said that he has Greg Gordon on the phone. Howard said this is the guy who broke into the White House and wanted to kill Ronald Reagan. Howard said he sounds like he had a stroke. Greg said he's good. Howard asked how he's not in jail for life. Greg said that he was given 3 years in jail because he didn't attempt anything. He said that Nancy Reagan saw him in the home so that's why he's calling in today. He said she's dead and it's like ''Ding dong the witch is dead.''
Howard asked Greg if he is on a lot of medication. Greg said he is on a shot once a month and some other medication every day. Howard said he's still out there if he's saying ''Ding dong the witch is dead.'' Greg started rambling about having a Jerusalem syndrome thing. Robin said he's so bad off that they have to give him a shot. They don't trust him to take a pill. Greg said it keeps him stable. Howard said they should triple his dose.
Gary said Greg once sent them a typewritten note that was like 1000 pages long. Howard asked if he was obsessed with anyone other than Reagan. Greg said he talked about George W. Bush too and he got more jail time for threatening him. Howard asked if the Secret Service visits him regularly. Greg said they do visit whenever someone is in town. Howard said people have said that the United State's of America isn't caring but they check on this guy and keep him in line. Greg said they take him to get his shot every month.
Greg said he has that manuscript on his web site. Howard said Greg has had an amazing career in being crazy. Howard said he's not a household name though. Howard asked if he has anything normal in his life. Greg said he's writing books every day. He said he's trying to get a theme park to use his light show too. Howard asked where he lives. He said he's in Ft. Lauderdale.
Howard said he wants to say god bless the Secret Service for keeping an eye on this guy. Howard said these people have tremendous responsibilities. Greg said he has a tonic to cure HIV too. He said that's on his web site as well. Howard asked how old he is now. Greg said he's 58.
Robin asked if his job is done now that the Antichrist is gone. Greg said he influenced other people so his job is not done. He said that he's not going after him but Rubio says that he's a child of the Reagan administration. Howard let Greg go a short time later. Robin told him to check in once in a while so they know what he's up to. Howard said Greg is living it up in Ft. Lauderdale. Howard said that's how great his country is.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he likes that his name is being used to promote Gotham. Howard said he doesn't like it. He said he does like the show and he will tell people to watch it but he doesn't like that they use his name like that.
Mark said that Howard said that his mother is becoming kind of racist as she's getting older. Howard said he never said that. He said he wishes she were. Howard said he lived most of his life in an all black community and he begged her to get racist so they could move. Howard said it was a tough neighborhood and he was one of the few white people there. Howard said it wasn't a good fit. Howard said his mother was one of the few white people who wanted to live there.
Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. He said Mark is leading him down a path he doesn't want to go down. Howard let him go. Howard said his mother loved blacks more than whites. He stated doing his impression of his mother talking about that. Howard said he didn't become a racist because he got beat up in the white neighborhoods too. Howard said he's a misfit. He said that it was painful.
Howard said John Goodman is coming by and this movie he's in is so good. Howard said it will have you on the edge of your seat. Howard said his wife loved it too. Howard said his wife loves love movies and so does he. Howard said he goes on Netflix and looks under the romantic category. Howard said it can't be a romantic comedy though. He said they watch these movies together and some of them are so bad. He said they complain about the movie while they're watching but then at the end they love it. Howard said he watched one that was so bad. He said it was bad but they loved it. Howard said he'll have to go through Netflix and find it. Robin said she wonders what he's watching. Howard said he'll get the names for her. Howard said this movie is going to be great. He said he'll tell John that when he comes in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Donald Trump dropped his name to Megyn Kelly the other night. Howard said he was watching it. He said he heard Trump mention him and he started giggling like a school girl. Howard said Megyn Kelly is so hot. He said her fake eye lashes have to be fixed though. Howard said it looked like they took hair off her head and glued it onto her eyes. Howard said her bush can't be that thick and luxurious. Robin said it's so distracting you can't hear the question. Howard said she looked like a Bond villain. Howard said it was crazy.
Howard said that you can't take her seriously with those eye lashes. Howard said he'd have to stop the debate and talk about them. Howard said ugly girls have to do that but not a good looking girl like that. Howard said that
Howard said he likes Chris Wallace. He said there are certain guys he likes and that guy is one. Howard said he likes his show and when he's on other shows. Howard said he likes Howie Kurtz and Greg Gutfeld too. Howard said that there are certain people he likes. He said he likes Megyn Kelly too. Howard said he'd like to know what it would be like to fuck her with those big eye lashes. Howard said they might tickle your penis when she's blowing you. Howard said it would be an eyelash job instead of a blow job. He said five winks and he'll cum.
Howard played the clip of Trump talking about him in the debate. Howard said when he said to Megyn that he's a good friend of his and of her's. Howard said that's like a threat. Howard said that he's saying to her that he said it on Howard Stern and he could start talking. Howard said she calmed down after that. Howard said they found out that he lost the Imus vote after that. Howard said Trump also talked about his penis size that night.
Howard said they called a spiritual healer with William Shatner clips. Howard said he has a Crackhead Bob call. He had one where an Eagles fan is upset and they call a Lions fan or something. Howard said the description wasn't very good for that one. Howard said they called a record store using that Eagles fan to go off on the record store owner about the Eagles. Howard said the guy at the record store is so nice. Howard said it's a hippie still into vinyl. Howard played the call and they called the store telling the guy that his dad was upset about Glenn Frye dying. They put the clips of the Eagles fan going off about how hard it is to be a fan after all of this. They have the guy screaming about how hard it is to be a fan of the Eagles. The store owner says he has another customer and he has to go but they have the guy screaming more and he stays on for a few more seconds.
Howard said they take such delight in making those calls. Howard said they don't always work out but these calls did. Howard said that Wolfie went to a sex convention and he had a guy talking about being into adult dirty diaper guys. Howard played an example of that and said they took that and cut it up and called a radio guy using those clips. Howard played the call they made to a religious show with those clips. They called the show and said their father wasn't letting him use the bathroom because he likes to treat him like a baby. They used clips of that guy talking about why he makes him do that with the dirty diapers. The hosts of the show said it's important to let your child be an adult. They kept the guy on really long so they had him saying all kinds of crazy stuff. The hosts eventually muted him.
Howard asked if you have an internet radio show and you have a winner like that on, why hang up? Howard said they have to be out of their mind. Robin said they're pretending they have listeners. Howard said that no one is listening. He said they have a guy who is taking his 26 year old son and letting him shit in his diaper so you don't let him go.
Howard said he has a lot of phony phone calls. Robin said she wanted to hear the Shatner call. Howard said he has a call the guys made using clips from Shatner on the Wrap Up Show. Howard played that call and they called a spiritual healer internet radio show and used clips of Shatner talking about not knowing George Takei. They had him yelling about not knowing him after working with him 50 years ago.
Howard said those clips are great with Shatner saying he doesn't know George after working with him so long ago. Howard played more of the audio and they had Shatner cursing and the host saying he's going to hang up on you if you curse on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his son didn't know Howard was gone from America's Got Talent. He said that he told him that Simon Cowell is replacing him and he said that's not going to work. Howard said everyone gets that way until they watch the show. Howard said they said that about him when he got on the show too. Howard said it's enough with the America's Got Talent. He said it's over. He said he did it for a period of time and now he's done with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he puts up with Tan Mom. Howard asked how you can hate her. The caller asked if he listened to the Valentine's Day special with her. Howard said it was horrible. The caller said they should have had Tracey the office manager on. Howard said they try different things with different people. Howard said it was nothing to write home about. Howard said he's sitting there reviewing Tan Mom. Howard said you never know what you're going to get with her. Howard said he could put her on every day. He said they never got the whole story about her kidnapping or the parties she went to. Howard said they have to take a break and then get to John Goodman. They went to break after that. They played a few song parodies and bits as they were going to break.
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Howard came back and said he likes this song. Howard said John Goodman is there. He said he's in a movie that's one of the best he's seen in a long time. Howard said John is a skinny guy now. Howard asked if they padded him up for this new movie. John said they shot that like a year and a half ago. He said he has lost some weight since then. He said he decided to stop shoving his face full of food every minute. Howard asked how he lost the weight. Howard said he thinks you have to stop with the calories. John said he was eating all the time. He said it was all crap too. Howard asked what he gave up to lose weight .John said everything like M&Ms and all of that. He said he lost it slowly though. He said it was over the course to this year and a half. He said he used to do the 3 month diets and he'd lose weight and reward himself with food. John said he does some stomach work on an elliptical machine. He said he has some things to do stomach curls on too.
Howard said he also gave up drinking. John said he did that 8 years ago. Howard said he lives in New Orleans though. Howard asked how he does that. John said he got sober in L.A. but there are a lot of drunks and sober people down there. He said he found some good support there.
Howard said that John has done movies with the Coen brothers and he thinks that they stopped working with him because they didn't like him when he was drunk. John said he drank on the set of Lebowski and he thought he'd never do that. He said he felt good and wanted to feel better. Howard said he can get through a scene doing that. John said that Shelly Winters called it ''liquid acting.'' Howard said that it helps you lose inhibition. John said you lose a lot of other things as well. He said you do things that you'll regret later. He said he thought he was free and clear. He said that his cheeks were turning bright red. He said he lived on Altoids. Howard asked what he drank. John said it was Vodka. He said it doesn't smell until it's coming out of your pores.
Howard asked if Roseanne was upset with him drinking. John said she wasn't happy with it. John said it was something he felt he owed himself. He said he thought he deserved it.
Howard said John was a football player and he must have drank doing that. John said he was a big, slow white boy. He said he went to college and thought he could walk into the team and get a scholarship. He said he ended up in the theater department instead. Howard asked if he got hell for that. John said he didn't care. He said he woke up then and found something that he loved. He said he was always goofing in class.
Howard asked if he was good right from the start and if he could become a character. John said he would use whatever he could. John said he would take stuff from other movies. Howard asked if he used anything from other movies when he was in Revenge of the Nerds. John said he used some old coaches he knew for that part. He said that he is still learning too. He said that's great. John said he's trying to simplify things now.
Howard asked John about doing TV, film and all of that. Howard said someone wants to hire him for 10 Cloverfield Lane. Howard said he thinks it's going to be a monster smash. Howard asked if they contact his agent. John said it was called ''The Cellar'' at first. He said it was then Valencia. He said he didn't know anything about it. Howard asked if he wants to hire him does he tell him that JJ Abrams is the producer? Howard said he must be at home in New Orleans and they call him and tell him to read it. John said they do have him read it. Howard asked if he has to negotiate a contract at that point. John said he has people who do that for him. He said he wasn't too worried about it. He said the script was so good and they shot it in New Orleans. He said that worked out. He said they shot it in a warehouse somewhere that no one knew about.
Howard said he didn't know what this movie was about but he feels that very little should be said about it. He said that's the beauty of the film. Howard said he didn't know if he should hate him or not. He said that's what was good about it. John said he had to find something to like about the character. Howard said he has never seen him heavier than he was in that part. John said he has been heavier. Howard said he looked huge. John said he did it for the role. He said after that movie he started losing the weight. He said he took it slow. John said he wanted to change his lifestyle. Robin asked if he had a scare. John said it was all of that. He said he feels much better now.
Howard said when you get heavy enough you get rid of all of the mirrors in the house. John said he shaves without looking in the mirror.
Howard wanted to go through more of this with John but John kept laughing at him for talking to him like a big time actor. Howard said he saw that John was talking to Kristin Wiig and he felt odd interrupting her and walked away. John said he interrupted and she said ''I'll talk to you in a minute'' and it was so embarrassing. He said he'll never speak to her again because he really likes her.
Howard said that John was in The Monuments Men'' movie and he kind of stayed in his trailer and didn't want to mess up the social thing going on there. John said Matt and George would have conversations and go out for cocktails. He said he doesn't drink so he didn't go. He said that they all got bicycles and he'd go riding with Bill Murray. He said that guy is a force of nature. Howard asked what happens when they'd go out. John said they'd get lost and they'd have to have cars come out and look for them. Howard said Bill is one of those guys who is completely uninhibited. John said that Bill would pick women up and put them over his shoulder. He said they'd be wearing dresses and the dress would come up. He said the guy is Teflon and he has worked it to the point where it's one of a kind. He said he's just unique. He said he wishes he was more like him. He said Bill knows who he is and he's very comfortable in his skin.
Howard asked where he met Bill. John said he met him at the 25th Saturday Night Live anniversary show. He said he's met him other places too. He said he usually left him alone. He said he didn't want to bother him. He said he has nothing to bring to the party. He said that's why he worries about coming there.
Howard asked John what he does to prepare for the character he's playing in 10 Cloverfield Lane. John said he didn't do any homework. He said he is doing a movie where he has to do homework and he was so bad at doing that for school. Howard said he can walk on the set of a movie and he doesn't do any preparation. John said he made up his own back story about the character. Howard said he walks in and has his lines memorized. John said he tries to. He said he gets insecure about his memory. He said when he was drinking a lot he wasn't able to remember. He said he's too careful about it now. He said if he skips a line he freaks out. He said he has to relax more. Howard asked if it's that bad that he doesn't remember them. John said you should learn them to the t. He said then you can take off from there.
Howard asked if he does screw up on set is it embarrassing to him. John said he over embarrasses himself. He said he'll start cursing himself. John said it boils down to an ego thing. Howard said on Roseanne he had to remember a half hour of stuff. John said that was loose and they had a great time doing that show.
Howard said John has a major part in this movie. Howard asked how long this movie was shot. John said it was 4 or 5 weeks. He said they were in a warehouse shooting it. He said he hasn't seen the movie yet. Howard said he's going to be impressed with himself when he sees it. Howard said this is a game changer for him.
Howard said John has hosted Saturday Night Live 13 times. Howard said that's a lot. John said that Alec has hosted more than him. He said he had to take a break from it for a while. He said that he didn't bring much to the party last time he did it. He said he felt he let them down. Howard said the last time he was on he says he doesn't think he gave his all. John said he ran out of gas between the dress rehearsal and the live show. He said he could have taken a 5 Hour Energy drink but he didn't want to feel nervous. He said he'd do the show again if they asked him to do it. He said the kids they have today are geniuses. Howard said the show is still viable and that's amazing.
Howard said John wanted to be in radio when he went to college. John said he was really immature. He said that his brain finally formed like last week.
Howard asked John about doing the movie Monsters Inc and if here is a different price for doing that. John said he thinks it's just about the same for that as doing another movie. John said he thinks he got a bit of a bump doing that. He said it's fun doing those movies. He said he and Billy worked together on that. He said that the energy with him was great doing that.
Howard said back in the day they used to have everyone in the same room doing it. John said Howard's dad used to do that when he recorded with Don Adams and people like that. Howard said it looked like the most fun in the world doing it. Howard said he idolized those guys. Howard said he can imagine doing an animated feature and having a good time. John said it's hard work. He said you have to get your body into it and they have you do multiple takes.
Howard asked if he did a King Kong movie. John said he did. He said that they still talk about Howard over there in Vietnam. That led to John talking about how he was drafted and he got his number called. He said that he could have been drafted. Howard said he just missed the draft.
Howard asked if he was nervous going to Vietnam. John said they were the first people to shoot a movie there. He said he wasn't able to get Sirius over there. He said that he was back in time to hear about Ronnie's engagement. Howard said Ronnie has a girlfriend who is 30 years younger than him. Howard asked if he heard the proposal. John said he did and he thinks his own was even worse. Howard asked when he got married. John said he got married in 1989. He said that they were at the food of a walk in New Orleans when he asked her to marry him. He said she has put up with a lot.
Howard said his daughter lived in North Vietnam for 2 years. John said that's where he was. He said the people were great there. He said even the people there are great. He said even the people who are trying to hustle you are great. He said that they consider them their greatest ally there. He said he'd love to go back. Howard said he'd be nervous that they'd hate them over there.
Howard said the movie is called Kong: Skull Island. Howard asked if they had to pretend to know what he looked like. John said he did. He said that it feels silly doing stuff like that. He said it's the same as pretending cars are coming at you when you're acting in the school basement.
Howard asked John if it's tough doing that stuff at his age. John said it is. Howard asked if he ever had a time in his life when he had young models and stuff. John laughed. He said that he used to run on the piers a few miles a day and that was before his marriage. Then he started drinking and that was the end of that. John said he would bang anything breathing. Howard asked if he did it all. John said he did. Howard asked if he got it out of his system. John said it's out. He said now it would be like Hef.
Howard asked John about working with Brie Larson and why he liked her so much. John worked with her in Kong. He said she was just so great. He said she's over sensitive about things and she treated them all so well. He said she's such a brilliant actor too. He said she's so normal and nice. Howard asked if he saw the movie ''Room'' which she was in. John said he did. He said that knocked him on his can. Howard said the same thing. John said that he wanted to kill that actor after seeing the movie. Howard said he wanted to kick his ass after seeing 10 Cloverfield Lane. Howard said he hasn't seen any reviews yet. John said it doesn't open until the 11th.
Howard asked John about his daughter and if she wants to be an actress. John said she works behind the scenes. He said she's working on a show called Aquarius. He said she has no desire to be in front of the camera.
Howard told John he thinks that the movie is going to be very big. Howard asked if he has any back end on the movie. John said he gets his beak wet. He said that he has that on some of the cartoon movies too. He said Roseanne is still paying off. He said he stays in touch with her too. Howard asked if John has ever come out politically. John said he does not. He said he's been overseas lately and he hasn't been keeping up with people getting swept up into it all. He said he's not sure who he's going to vote for. He said he's trying not to worry about it until it happens. He said they have 6 months of crap on TV to deal with. Robin asked who the Vietnamese are for. John said they pretty much don't care. He said everyone else in the world wants ''not Trump.'' John said he doesn't get the Trump thing. He said he can understand it from him being on realty TV. He said he doesn't want any death threats so he's going to lay low. He said he feels bad for Obama. He said they started kicking the shit out of him for no reason. Howard said it was like they weren't rooting for him at all. John said that the senate has done nothing but block everything he wanted to do. Robin said the unemployment rate was 9 percent when he came into office and now it's at 4 percent and nothing is said about that.
Howard said John is a fan of the show and he must have a lot to say about Riley Martin's death and other people too. John said his cough was a death rattle. Howard said he sounds like he's doing an impression of Riley in the Cloverfield movie. John said he used to do a Jim Neighbors impression when he was coming up. He said that he could do a lot. Howard asked if he does voice overs for commercials. John said he has done a few. He said he did Dunkin' Donuts and Red Roof Inn. John said when he started doing commercials he was hanging out with really good actors. He said he felt terrible because he was making dough doing a lot of commercials.
Howard said that he was the one who did the Menen commercial where he slapped himself in the face and said ''Thanks, I needed that.'' John said he was. He said that was his first commercial.
Howard asked if John has a big house. John said he does and it was built in like 1852 or so. Howard said he has done a lot of big things. Howard said he guesses he's worth over $45 million. John told him he's short. Howard said he can't be off by that much. Howard guessed 30. John said it's around that. He said it's all tied up though. Howard asked what big things he's purchased for himself. John said he found a Hermes kimono that he got for his wife. He said their housekeeper put it in the washing machine. Howard said he hopes he fired her. John laughed. Howard asked if he has nice cars. John said he has a Mercedes and an Audi. He said he does like driving and driving in nice cars. Howard asked if he gives a lot to his daughter. John said he doesn't want to give her too much and spoil her.
Howard said that he really does have a hit movie on his hands. Howard asked what the name of the woman in the movie is. John remembered Mary Elizabeth. He didn't know her last name. Howard said they're going to sit there until he remembers. John was moaning and said please let him know. Howard said this is how he made it. John said he hasn't seen her for a year. Howard said her last name starts with a W. John said it's Winstead. Howard said that's right. He said he's done it. He said he put himself in a good movie. Howard said he plays a fucking lunatic... or is he a lunatic. Howard said don't give anything away about the movie. Howard said you have to keep it quiet. Howard said if you say anything about it then you ruin it. Howard asked when he's going to see the movie. John said he sees it tomorrow night at the premiere. He said he borrowed Brie Larson's dress to wear to it.
Howard said John has said it all. John said he made it through another one. Howard said he has to give a message to Kristin Wiig. Howard said she missed out on a great conversation. John said he apologizes for interrupting her.
John said that JJ Abrams has a great office in Santa Monica. He said that's the Bad Robot offices. He said he went there and didn't want to leave. He said that he loved his comic books. John and Howard talked about the comic book thing and about Superman and Krypto the dog. Howard said that the movie is really good and he isn't just saying that. Howard said he likes it. He said if he didn't like it he'd just sit there and tell him ''good for you'' and not say a word.
John said he saw Tan Mom out in the hallway. He said he didn't want to say anything to her. Howard said she claims she had sex with Martin Scorsese. John worked with him. Howard asked what movie it was. John said he doesn't remember the title of it. He said it was about ambulance drivers. It was Bringing Out the Dead. Howard asked if he was nervous working with him on that. John said he was. He said he's just so god damn good at what he's doing. He said he knows exactly what he wants.
Howard asked John about working with Scorsese and more about the comic book thing. Howard asked if he has a movie that he was in that he thinks is the worst he was ever in. John said he does but he's not going to say what it was. He said he did a movie with Belzer and Richard Lewis and Louie Anderson. Howard said he remembers that. Howard said they were all little kids. John said that he was in that and played the bad guy. He said they all went to see it and Belzer's face was a mass of horror. Howard said he remembers them promoting it. Howard said it was called The Wrong Guys. Howard asked if he goes home and gets depressed. John said it was so much fun. He said Tim Tommerson was in it and he was so hyper and funny. He said he'd run around doing Sammy David Jr. as a primate. Howard said that's crazy and racist. John said it wasn't racist. He said it was a great impression. Gary said Ernie Hudson was in it too. The movie made $1.1 million. John said that he can't blame himself for that movie. He said he'll let Belzer take some of that.
Howard asked how much he thinks 10 Cloverfield is going to make. John said he won't say. He said it would be nice if it had a nice opening. John said that maybe he could get un-constipated after that. He said he really is constipated. Howard asked how long he as constipated for. John said it was 2 days. He said he got some stool softener and a glycerine suppository. He said that it came out after that. Howard asked if it was huge. John said it flushed on the first flush so it wasn't that huge. Howard asked who recommended the suppository. John said that he read about it somewhere. He said he went to Duane Reade and got it himself. He said no one recognized him there. Howard said he bets they did. John said he didn't care at that point. He said his abdomen was swollen from it. Howard said he doesn't think he has the balls to go buy a suppository. John said he had a beard up until a week ago. He said no one would know him. Howard said he could have bought a cock ring. Howard asked if he can believe Ronnie uses cock rings. John said he was kind of surprised by that. Howard said he understands it's a growth industry though. John laughed.
Howard said it's great to have John there. John said it's his second time there and he's thrilled. John talked about using a suppository once and how he threw up and it shot out his ass so he laughed his ass off at that. Howard said that's his book. He said he has to bring that into one of his characters. Howard said he can see that guy in 10 Cloverfield Lane doing that. Howard said John has done it all. Howard said he's getting older now and he takes like 5 minutes to pee now. John said he has that same problem. He said he's up every couple of hours doing it now.
Howard wrapped up and gave John some plugs for ''10 Cloverfield Lane'' which opens on Friday. Howard said the movie opens on Friday and John doesn't even know that. Howard wished him luck with the back end. Howard said he thinks he'll hit the goals he needs to get a good bonus. Howard went to break a short time later. They played Ed Sheeran singing ''Thinking Out Loud'' as they went to break.
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Howard said Fred the Elephant Boy took High Pitch Erik to court for threatening his life. Howard said there was one day of trial and Elephant Boy seemed angry and wanted to go through with it but he revealed that he was going to drop the charges. Howard said listen to this and try to understand. In the clip Elephant Boy said he was going to go up and try to get them to drop the charges against Erik. Howard said the judge must have been like ''What the fuck?'' Howard said they think he's dropping the charges.
Shuli came in and said that Elephant Boy met with the DA on Friday and said he wanted to drop the charges. He said it could get thrown out. Shuli said he was talking to Fred a couple of weeks ago and he mentioned that he made that decision. He said it was bugging him. He said he saw Erik at court and he thought he was going to jail that day. He said he looked terrified. He said he thinks that it may have changed him. Howard said real detectives had to handle that case.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Erik about the charges being dropped if Erik will apologize to Elephant Boy. Erik said it's too late to drop the charges. Shuli said it's not. He spoke to Joey Boots and Joey said he thinks he can make that happen.
Howard asked if it has happened yet. Shuli said he doesn't think so. Howard said they have more Wack history being made every day.
Howard said there is a Metallica anniversary going on for their album Master of Puppets. Howard said he has Baba Booey doing a version of one of their songs from the album. Howard played that where they had Gary clearing his throat to the tune of ''Master of Puppets.''
Howard said Gary the Conqueror was up there recently and he recorded some bits for them. He said it turns out he's really hard to work with. Howard said he yells at everyone there. Howard played a clip of Gary yelling at Will Murray and telling him to shut his fucking mouth. Gary was yelling at Richard too. Gary said he was going to come over and kick their fucking ass. He told Will to get out of there. Howard said he didn't realize that about Gary. He thought he was kind of happy go lucky.
Howard said they had Gary cut an intro for John Goodman. Howard played that and said that Sal was farting in the studio and Gary got upset about that. Howard played the audio of Gary yelling at Sal for farting.
Gary told Howard they say that Gary is a big puncher too. He likes to punch people in the arm. Howard said that's called Conqueror strength.
Robin said that there is no law that says people with low IQ can't vote. Howard said you can't say someone isn't bright enough to vote. Benjy said there are some rules about voting but they're kind of vague. Howard said he's all for retarded voting. He said he's a big proponent of it. Howard asked where you draw the retarded line? Robin said that's the question. Howard said he'd say draw the line at Bobo. Howard said he'd say Bobo can't vote.
Robin read a story about Lena Dunham who was hospitalized. Robin said she had a burst ovarian cyst. Howard said he has been in contact with her and she's doing okay. Howard said he's watching her show Girls and it's a great season so far. Robin said she's enjoying it too. Robin said she wishes her luck and a speedy recovery.
Robin read a story about a heart transplant recipient who is returning to work after just 2 months being out. Robin said he's the head of United Airlines. Robin said it's a miracle. Howard said they've perfected it apparently. Howard said that he'd like 2 months off and he's healthy. Robin said she doesn't think she'd want to do anything after a heart transplant. Howard said she would.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can change Howard 101 to Beetlejuice 101 and just have him on 24 hours a day. Howard said he doesn't think a channel of that could hold up. Howard said he thinks that doing the specials is what they need to do. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he heard the word ''cunt'' on CNN. Howard played a clip of a woman saying ''Bat shit'' but not ''cunt.'' Howard said they loaded the wrong one in there. Howard asked where that one is. JD said he fucked it up. He said that he'll reload it. Howard said he thought he was Mr. Dependable. Howard said he wastes his time with this. He got the clip a short time later and one guy said ''vote cunt'' instead of ''count.''
Robin said a few months ago Jimmy Carter announced he was being treated for brain cancer. Robin said then he was in remission and now he's said that he no longer needs treatment. Howard said he's like Robin. Howard said he figured he was checking off the planet. Howard asked how old he is. Robin said he's 91. Howard said you're not supposed to be able to do that at that age. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that announcement.
Howard said he got a note saying that JD just punched the wall. He asked if he hurt his hand. JD said he punched his desk when he got pissed at himself. He said his hand is red. Howard said don't do that. He could break his hand. Howard said he's upset that he messed up a cunt clip. Robin said Tom Chiusano did that and broke his hand. Howard said he punched his suit jacket and broke his hand when it hit the wall. Howard said he never lost a fight to a suit jacket.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that John Goodman was great. He said he's such a good actor. Howard said he had some great stories to tell. He said that he's a wealthy man and he's talking about laying on the floor with a suppository shooting out his ass.
Robin read a story about Nancy Reagan dying. Robin read about her life with Ronald Reagan and the things she had to go through. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about her. Robin had some audio of Chris Wallace talking about what he thought of her. Howard said he was watching the news yesterday and he got pissed that she died. Howard said he loves to hear about Trump in the news. He said he wants to know what Trump is saying and how the polls are doing. Robin had more about Nancy and had some audio of people talking about her. She had audio of Nancy talking about her ''just say no'' campaign. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Bernie Sanders upsetting some people for interrupting Hillary Clinton the other night at the debate. Robin had some audio of Bernie interrupting Hillary. Howard said someone just wrote that Ronnie says asshole feels better than vagina. Howard was talking about it earlier and said that the vagina feels better than the asshole. Ronnie said that Howard said asshole is not as good but he said a nice, tight asshole can feel almost as good. He said it depends on how tight the vagina is. Howard said he's never had a woman with a loose vagina. Ronnie said he went out with a girl who you could climb in and walk around in. He said there was no feeling. Howard asked if she had childbirth. Ronnie said yeah. He said asshole and vagina could be neck and neck. Howard said that's really a revelation. He said Ronnie is just telling it like it is.
Howard said he disagrees and says that vagina beats asshole by a million miles. Howard said he hasn't had as much asshole as Ronnie has. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who is as sexed up as Ronnie is. Howard said at this point he's still having sex 3-4 times a week and that's impressive. Ronnie asked why he was making fun of him this morning. Howard said he wasn't. He said it's funny. Howard said he's a grandfather at this point and he doesn't need a bachelor party. Ronnie said he should have one. He said it's fun. Howard said he's too old for that. Ronnie asked why age matters so much to him. Howard said the point is that he's old enough that it's embarrassing. Howard said he became Mr. bachelor party.
Howard said that he has to go back and grow up. Ronnie asked why it matters so much to him. Howard said he's trying to get through to him. He said he wants him to grow up a little bit. Ronnie asked why. Howard said he's a grandfather. Ronnie asked what that means. Howard said he should grow up. Ronnie said now he's mad at him. Howard said enough already. Howard said he's like Hef. Howard said these girls aren't looking for him. Ronnie said he never said they were. Howard said just be happy he has his nice, young girlfriend. Ronnie said that he is happy. Howard said these girls cry themselves to sleep when he's around them.
Howard let Ronnie go and said he has to finish the news. He said none of these girls want to be rubbing on Ronnie. Robin said they probably don't want to rub against any guys. Howard said he should just send the girls money and leave them alone. Howard said you have to grow up at some point. Robin asked when Howard gave that up. Howard said he's had enough of that for now.
Robin read more news about Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders and the Flint, Michigan water story. Robin said they're both calling for the mayor to resign. Robin had some audio of Bernie Sanders talking about some things. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Arnold Schwarzenegger announcing his endorsement. Howard guessed it was Kasich. Howard guessed right. Robin had a clip of Arnold making the announcement. Robin read a story about an endorsement Trump got from Charles Evers. Robin had some details about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went to see Trump up in Maine this weekend. He said it was wild. He said there were some Bernie Sanders protesters there. He said the fans were booing them and ripping the signs up. He said it was wild. Howard said when you go to these rallies people do get riled up. Howard said he loves that someone endorses Trump and people call them crazy. Robin said there are republicans trying to get a ''dump Trump'' thing going. Howard said he's convinced that Romney thinks he's going to get the nomination if Trump is bumped out. Howard said it's wild that Ted Cruz, who is wacky, is now the seemingly normal candidate. Howard and Robin spent a little more time talking about that. Robin had a bunch of audio from various candidates that she had Howard play. They talked about Donald Trump talking about his penis size. That led to Howard playing a fake Ben Carson voicemail they got about his penis size.
Robin read a story about the character Venom in the Spider-Man comics who is going to get his own movie. Robin said they usually concentrate on the hero and not the villain. Howard said he likes that. Robin said she does too.
Robin said this morning there's a court case with Hulk Hogan vs. Gawker. Robin said that's starting this morning. Howard said he's not sure if he can win that case. Robin said they will show the tape during the trial.
Robin said Erin Andrews court case is going on and the case is going to the jury this week. Robin said the reason she's suing the hotel is not just because this man was given her room number but the house phone showed her room number. Howard said that's weird that it showed her room number. Gary said he's never seen that in a hotel before. He said the whole thing is confusing because they say he was in the restaurant or something. Howard said he'd have to hear all of the evidence. Robin said it sounds like a breakdown in security.
Robin read a story about a teacher who resigned after her nude photos were revealed. Robin said that the students are coming to support her. Robin said that some kids went through her phone and posted her pictures that were meant for her husband. Robin said that student is being charged with a cyber crime. Robin said the teacher was fired for not securing her phone properly.
Robin read about Maria Sharapova making a big announcement today. Robin said she may be announcing her retirement. Robin said she hasn't played since she lost to Serena Williams back in January.
Robin read about how Flavor Flav is working on his weather forecasting skills. Robin had some audio of him doing that on a news station he was making an appearance at in Utah. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Gary asked who he has held cue cards for. Wally said he held them for Hillary Clinton on Saturday Night Live. He said that he has held them for Obama and Giuliani and John McCain too.
Jon asked how he got into their world. Wally said he bought a car with Sirius in it a few years ago and he got into it then.
Jon said that Michael Rapaport is back again today. Jon said he was in last time talking about how he was looking forward to Sylvester Stallone winning an Oscar and it didn't happen. Jon said he went off on a rant about it. Michael said he was so shocked by that. He said that Stallone and Rocky are the movies he fell in love with. He said he wanted him to win and he was just shocked.
Michael had a sore throat and he was having a tough time talking. He had to clear his throat a few times too. Michael said he was offended that people thought his rant was fake. He said it wasn't fake at all.
Jon and Gary asked Michael about working on the movie Cop Land with Stallone. They spent a few minutes talking about what that was like.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll is about today. Rahsaan said that they're asking if Ronnie is too old to have a bachelor party or not.
Gary said he was thinking about how he's 55 years old and he's still pretty horny but Ronnie is like a cave man. Jon said Howard told him that today when he said he is the horniest man he knows. Jon said Howard told Ronnie that he has to think about this wife and maybe he shouldn't do the bachelor party. Gary said the way to go is probably to get 20 of his best friends and just go to dinner. Jon said you know that's not happening. Gary said you know that Stephanie is probably telling him to just go and enjoy. They went to break after that.
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Jon said John seemed nervous coming in today and he got more and more relaxed. He said by the end of it he was talking about suppositories. Gary said he knows the show pretty well too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the thing he liked about John Goodman was the last 10 minutes. He said it was a guaranteed hit by then. He said he was right on the verge of doing a Riley Martin impression but he got cut off. Gary said he did a decent amount of it. He said maybe next time they'll have him do it longer.
Jon said that Goodman talked about interrupting Kristin Wiig and how he'll never talk to her again because he embarrassed himself.
Gary said that he has heard about people who think other stars have bigger trailers than they do and they complain about it and then get into the other trailer of the person who they think has a bigger one and it turns out to be the same trailer. He said they're actually treated the same. Gary said when they did Private Parts they did a scene with him, Jackie and Fred and they all get in line for lunch and they're in the back of the line. He said they were told to go right to the front of the line but it seems like a douchy thing to do. He said they felt horrible doing it. Michael said Gary should be thankful it happens to him once in his life and embrace it.
Wally told some stories about people breaking his balls at Saturday Night Live. Michael said he's sharing all of these stories and he should get a nice gift bag after doing that. Gary said he has a bag of cough drops for Michael so maybe they can hear him next time he comes in.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this guy John Goodman is so humble. He said he goes down to New Orleans and he'll see John Goodman there fishing off the dock. He said he's a pretty cool guy. He said he even shared bait with him once. He said they just talked about normal stuff too. Gary said he finds none of that hard to believe at all. They went to break after that.
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Wally said that he thinks she can't tell what's reality or not. Gary said in her case he thinks she has nothing to do with that account.
Jon said they started off today with Tan Mom talking about being sick and being abducted. Gary said that she really wants to get away from her husband too. He said she doesn't realize how much she's going to miss him when he's gone. Jon wondered how she'd be treated at an Oscar party. Michael said it would be like a rodent snuck in. Gary said if Amy Poehler was there she might treat her differently. Michael said not at an Oscar party. Gary said she might pretend she doesn't know who Tan Mom is. Jon said he'd like to know who the producer was that she claims to have had sex with.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Michael if he was pissed that they didn't ask him to sit in for Jon Hein last week. Michael said no. He said he's there today so it's like the Christmas tree has lights finally.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Wally what his most intense moment was on set. Wally said he was there for the Sinead O'Connor thing. He said she had a picture of an orphan that she ripped up in rehearsal. He said that she surprised everyone with the Pope picture during the live show. He said he remembers hearing the director saying ''Holy shit she ripped up a picture of the pope!'' He said he was there for the Ashlee Simpson thing too. He said he remembers seeing her parents there that night and how they didn't want a repeat of the year before when she returned to perform again.
Jon said Greg Gordon called in today about Nancy Reagan's passing. Gary said he is one of his favorites. He said he has a relationship with the Secret Service because they'd come there to get a copy of the show every time he was on. He said they had to keep track of him. Gary said Greg is an embarrassment for the Secret Service because he snuck into the house when he shouldn't have been able to. He said he was able to go on any show to talk about it and he came on their show. He said he was unarmed in Reagan's house but he also believed that he was Jesus. Gary said they had another guy who believed he was Jesus and they brought them in together. He said it seemed like a good idea on paper but it got intense. He said Greg got very angry about it. Michael asked how many years he did in jail. Gary said 3 years. Michael sounded shocked it was only 3 years.
Gary said Greg is completely unafraid. He said that he had a 1000 page typed letter that he sent to them and it was all about Reagan being the Antichrist and stuff like that but there were no formed thoughts in there.
Jon asked Michael if he thinks Ronnie is out of line with the bachelor party thing. Michael said he thinks that the tour is totally appropriate. He said it wouldn't make sense for him not to do it.
Jon asked Gary if this is going to have such hype that it won't live up to it. Gary said it could be or it will be so out of control it will live up to the hype and go past it. Gary said he'll be there to see what happens. Jon asked if Howard goes to the bachelor party. Gary said it depends but he doesn't think it will happen.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 56 percent said that Ronnie is not too old to have this party. They spent a little more time talking about that and then ended the show. They were done around Noon.
Howard started the show singing his opening theme song and then asking people not to call him the American nightmare. He said he's not a nightmare. He said if anything he's America's salvation. Robin said he's America's dream.
Howard said it's Wack History Month. He played a clip of Beetlejuice telling them who their guest was going to be today. Robin wasn't sure if she should stay tuned or not. She didn't get the name. It was Sacha Baron Cohen. Howard said he saw the new movie and he talked about that last week. He said Sacha is coming in today. He said maybe Gary the Conqueror can do a better job with that name. He played the clip and Gary called him Sacha Baron Colon. Howard said he'll like that. He'll have to tell him that today.
Howard said he was there before the show and he was listening to his audio book (Fast Food Maniac: From Arby's to White Castle, One Man's Supersized Obsession with America's Favorite Food ). He said his read wasn't very good. He said he should have gotten someone else to read it for him. He said you have to hear this. Howard played a clip and Jon was reading about traveling around the country and eating food at different places. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. He said a corpse has a more lively read. Howard said he told Jon he should have gotten someone to read the book for him. He said Jon wants to be a star so he had to read it.
Howard had a clip of Jon reading a list of his top 10 lists. Howard said Jon is off his rocker. Howard said he shouldn't say ''Jon Hein's...'' and just say ''My.'' Howard said Jon said he knew that Sal and Richard could take the clips and goof on him. He played an example of what the guys came up with. They had him talking about eating a burger that Ronald McDonald came on. They had him saying some other wacky stuff that they edited together. They had one where he said he likes to wrap his dick in beef patties and scream Come to Quiznos.
Howard said Jon won't tell them how many books he's sold. Robin said he's number one in fast food books. Howard said he might be the only one.
Howard said Jon had an appearance somewhere and Gary came and interviewed him. He said Gary is the worst guy to interview because he doesn't shut up and let you answer. He said Gary was in the green room warming up and they had their reporters there. Howard said you can hear Gary in full Gary Dell'Abate mode. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about fast food and just going on and on about it. Howard said they cut it up but only because they're not going to play the whole thing. Howard said he never thought Gary talked that much but he doesn't shut the fuck up. He said he is a chat machine. Howard said he likes Gary but he does love to chat. Howard said his wife doesn't get a word in. Howard said he will cut her off to tell a story she wants to tell.
Howard said people said that Jon Hein did this book signing and he and Gary were just rambling. Howard played a clip of Jon and Gary doing that appearance together and Gary was asking Jon questions about fast food. Howard wondered who showed up for this awful conversation.
Howard asked how many people showed up for this borefest. Gary said about 60-70. Howard said he has a clip of Gary and Jon cracking each other up. Howard played a clip of Gary laughing at something Jon said. Howard said the love birds are cracking each other up. He said that's some appearance. He played more of the audio of Jon and Gary rambling at this appearance.
Howard said it's like an audio sleeping pill. He said he finally found something to put you to sleep. Robin said she's fascinated by this. Howard said this is about Jon Hein's last meal if he's on death row. Howard played the audio of that and Jon talks about all of the crap he'd get if he as having his last meal.
Howard said they interviewed a lot of Jon's fans and one was fatter than the next. Howard played some clips of people talking about their weight. One guy was 380 pounds. He said he doesn't go to the gym because they're places to hook up and ''a gym ain't a gym no more.'' That guy said Jon is fucking awesome and he's a role model of his. He said he's a heavy set person so he looks up to him. Howard said there were so many fat people there that the book store tipped over.
Howard played another clip of a guy who weighed 330 pounds. Howard said he doesn't think there was anyone there who was under 300 pounds. That guy even said that Jon eats too much fast food. They asked one guy what fast food gives you the shits the most. He said it's White Castle burgers. The guy said his shit looked like clay one day when he ate at a stadium. Howard was given a note about who that was. It was Mariann from Brooklyn's son. Howard played more audio of him talking about Jon and saying he's 265 pounds himself. Howard said he seems pretty normal for a guy who has a squawking mom like that.
Howard had Mariann on the phone and she said he's married and on his own so she can't help him with his weight too much. Mariann said she was there and asked Howard to talk about the F, Marry Kill with the burgers. Howard hung up on her and moved on.
Howard said they called a fast food place with clips from Jon's book. Howard played the clip and they called the restaurant with Jon talking about how he's a fast food maniac and he thinks they're doing things right. He thanked the woman from the bottom of his heart. They had him talking about their hot dogs and burgers and all of that. The woman said she has customers coming in and she has to get to them. They had Jon rambling.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Jon knows how to use inflection at all. Howard said not at all. He said congratulations to Jon on his book ''Fast Food Maniac''. He played a song with clips of Jon in it. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Robin asked him to get in touch with former governor Mitt Romney. Howard said he says he has 2 seconds to talk. Howard had fake Mitt on the phone. Mitt congratulated him on re-signing. He asked Robin why she was so excited about that because he thought blacks liked being unemployed. Robin said that's not right.
Howard asked fake Mitt about Donald Trump and Mitt talked about how both he and Donald fantasize about fucking his daughter. Mitt also talked about Chris Christie and called him some names. He said that Marco Rubio is so depressed and he hasn't seen a Latino that upset since he saw the cleaning woman who had to clean up Beetlejuice's shit.
Fake Mitt asked Robin what color ribbon he's supposed to wear in support of the ''AIDS fags.'' Robin said this isn't going well.
Howard asked Fake Mitt about what he thinks about guns. Mitt said he likes to shoot at homeless people's feet. He said that's how he learned to whip and nae-nae.
Howard asked Mitt what he's been up to lately. Mitt said he's been spending time with his grand kids. Howard asked what he did for Valentine's day. Mitt said he put shit chunks in a box and fooled his wife into thinking it was chocolate. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said that he thought they were done with the Mitt Romney impression but he's managed to stay in the news.
Mark asked if Riley took his show into the ether or can they listen to it. Howard asked why he didn't stop with the blowing up the moon question.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like he's jealous of Ronnie. Howard asked what he means. The caller said he gives Ronnie a hard time about his sex life and all of that. Howard said Ronnie is a grandpa in his mid-60s. He said at some point you have to not do a bachelor party. Robin said the term Dirty Old Man didn't come from nowhere. Howard said it gets weird. He said he's just trying to help the guy. He said he doesn't care what he does.
Howard said he's not jealous of Ronnie at all. He said Ronnie is a little bit thick to be kind. He said he doesn't get it. He said he's like a 12 year old. Howard said Ronnie is jealous of 12 year olds. Howard said he's marrying a young girl and if he still wants to go to strip clubs then why get married? Robin said that's just Ronnie though. Howard said Ronnie has to understand that he's getting these free parties because of this show. Howard said they have $65,000 parties because he's on this show. Howard said if he was that smart he'd use his own money to see how that party would go. Howard said this is compensation. Howard said don't charge him money for his job if he's getting $75,000 stripper parties.
The caller asked if Howard would like to be more inhibited. Howard said at his age it would look odd. Robin said she doesn't know what he'd be saying if he wasn't happily married. Howard said he'd go to the strip club. Howard said he's not sure what Ronnie is talking about.
The caller asked what Beth's reaction would be if he wanted to have a party like that. Howard said she'd wonder what the fuck she's doing with him. Howard said he wouldn't want her going to a place where guys are rubbing into her. Howard said a bachelor party is going to be paid for by the strip club. Howard said no one else is getting one like that. He said he has to ask himself about that. Robin said Ronnie should be having a bachelor party at a firehouse. Howard said Ronnie is getting a big one like this because of his affiliation with the show. Howard said he's not sure how to explain this any clearer.
The caller said Howard has put the kibosh on things like this. Howard said he isn't doing that. He said Ronnie should use his head. He said Obama doesn't tell his attorney general not to accept a gift from Russia. They kind of know not to do that. Howard said he doesn't have to tell him.
Howard asked Fred if he thinks he's out of line here. Fred said he wouldn't be doing it at his age but he's not Ronnie. He said it is kind of creepy. Fred said he finds that guys who are father's of boys don't have the same issues that guys with daughters do. Fred said the reality of sitting in a club with the live people bothers him. He said he liked it back in the day but not now. Fred said that Ronnie has a relationship with Rick's now and he thinks he likes to feel like the king. Howard said he's so sorry he got into this conversation with Fred. Howard said he's not sure what his point is. He said it's boring.
Howard said he's not sure what Fred is saying. He said he wants to get into a time machine and go back and not ask that question. Fred said he had an interesting thought but Howard drove it right down.
Howard said he knows Benjy would be a disaster if he asked. Fred said he has to try. He said Benjy is looking to answer. Howard said he's not sure why he would go there if they're doing fine. Benjy said there are two issues. He said there's the freebie from the show issue and the issue of wondering if it's disrespectful to Stephanie. Benjy said that he thinks it is disrespectful to marriage but if they both love it and she's cool with it then it's fine. Howard said no woman is fine with it. Benjy asked if Rick's thinks they're getting their money's worth from this freebie thing. Howard said he has to get out of this. Robin said he's missing that there is a Quid Pro Quo when it comes to that.
Howard said he can have a conversation with Robin but not with these other guys. Howard said he spoke to Robin over the weekend and they had some mutual admiration in that conversation. Howard said people don't understand how talented Robin is. He said they realize it when he tries to talk to Fred and Benjy. Fred said maybe if they had more conversations it would be easier to listen to. Howard said they make Robin look really good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to thank him for sticking around. Howard said he has meetings tonight and he sees a lot of future projects there. The caller said he feels like he's tip toeing around the whole Bubba thing with Hulk Hogan. Howard said he really doesn't know anything about the story. He said sometimes he doesn't have a point of view on things. Howard said he is fond of Bubba and he is very hard core. Howard said this is wild stuff and he doesn't understand it really. Robin said there is more about it now and people are revealing what's going on. Howard said he's not avoiding the topic at all. The caller said now that Mr. Hatley is working there maybe it's water cooler talk. Howard asked what he wants from him and he'll try to bring it to him. Howard said he's not sure what to say about it. He said he was at Bubba's wedding with Hulk there. Howard said he doesn't know about this story though. He said he's not avoiding the topic.
Howard said he'll have Brent come in to talk about it. Howard said he had to let the caller go. Robin said she's going to have more about it during the news. Howard said he has to get out of this. He said people are such assholes. He said they concentrate on what he's not talking about. He said sometimes he has nothing to say about it. He said tomorrow he's going to punish the audience. He said he doesn't like the calls.
Howard said he has to get to Sacha Baron Cohen. He said he has tons of gay stuff in the movie so he has to talk to him about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Stephanie has any self respect at all. She said his proposal was terrible and he treats her like crap. Howard said that proposal was great. He said he had to do it for Ronnie because he blew it. Howard went to break after that. They played a couple of bits and songs as they were going to break.
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Howard came back and said Sacha Baron Cohen is there. Robin said he looks different. Sacha said he's older now. Howard said he has shorter hair too. Sacha said he does. He said he's aging badly and needs plastic surgery. Howard said he would never do that. Sacha said it doesn't make you funnier. Howard said he saw the new movie and loved it. Sacha thanked him. Howard said he feels like Hollywood is scared to make edgy movies after that North Korea thing. He asked if he's right. Sacha said yes. He said the worrying thing about North Korea is that they are imposing their restrictive culture on other cultures. Howard asked if they should have put The End in theaters. Sacha said they did. Howard asked if the media was wrong for releasing all of the leaked Sony stuff. Sacha said he would say yes. He said they knew there would be a media frenzy over that. He said anyone would put it up and they were really helping these terrorists.
Howard asked if Sacha is a U.S. citizen. Sacha said he's not and he doesn't even have a green card. He said he has a Visa but it runs out in about 2 months. Howard said it would be so great if someone was listening and they threw him right out. He said it would be great promotion.
Howard said the media should have said they weren't going to help the North Koreans and not released the hacked stuff. Sacha said they hurt free speech in a way.
Howard said Sacha's new movie is called ''The Brothers Grimsby'' and Sacha plays a soccer hooligan. Howard asked what it means to be that kind of guy. Sacha said they get violent in pubs and things like that but his character is nicer than that. He said in the 1980s football matches were brutal. He said he met up with some of the most violent crew out there. He said he knew it would be dangerous to do it. Howard said he's out of his fucking mind. Sacha said his bodyguard said he was going to be blending in. Sacha said he went and met with the boss and it was like meeting with the Mafia. He said they have a boss. He said they've all been in jail. Sacha said he saw his bodyguard blending in with a beer in his hand. He said within a half hour he was unconscious. Sacha said he was a local guy and he just passed out. He said he's there with the hooligans and he asked if they had any funny stories. He said this one guy tells him he was in Manchester and they kidnapped a man and brought him to his house and put barbed wire on his body and blew up his garage. He asked if he had any even funnier stories. He said then he went to the bathroom and a small member of the crew came in and he has stab marks all over his face. He said he came in and said he was there to protect him. He told him someone got stabbed in the toilet last week. He said it turns out it was that guy who got stabbed.
Howard said people think that Sacha is crazy but those guys are the real crazy ones. Howard said when he makes a movie now he must be able to get a deal no matter what. Howard asked if he wrote this script. Sacha said he did. Howard said there are scenes where he's inside an elephant's... Sacha cut him off. He said don't tell people. Howard said he thinks it would help to say but Sacha wasn't so sure about that.
Howard said there were some great scenes in the movie where he's doing gay things with his brother. Howard said he laughed like a fucking idiot. Howard asked if Sony questions him when he brings the script to them. Sacha said he thinks they assume that he's not going to shoot all of this. He said they don't think he's going to shoot the thing inside the elephant. He said when they say no he gets excited. Howard said he gets upset when people don't walk out of the movie. Sacha said he wouldn't say that. He said when Bruno came out people thought they'd bring their whole family to see Borat. He said that they showed a close up of a penis for about 40 seconds. He said there were whole groups of people who would get up and leave.
Howard said in this new movie they show a scrotum. Howard said it's funny as hell. He said people will walk out. He said that must turn Sacha on. Sacha laughed. He said he gets bored seeing every movie. He said he finds it hard to sit there to get to the end. He said he tires to make these movies engaging. Howard said he puts in 5 or 6 things that are just over the top. Robin said that happened to Barbara Walters when she saw Borat. Robin said she did a whole thing on The View about how the movie should never be seen.
Howard asked Sacha if he has to go to the studio and show this movie and then see what their reaction is. Sacha said they have to bring it to the MPAA to get a rating. He said they hate him because he convinced them to give it an R rating. He said they should have given it an NC-17 or NC-85. He said that he knows he has a game with the MPAA. He said the game is over now. He said he knows that elephant scene is going to be 3 minutes long so he has to submit a 9 minute long scene. Howard said at one point the elephant is attacked by a male elephant. Howard asked if there is a discussion about how to show an elephant cock and a vagina. Sacha said yes there is. He said they have to figure out if it's going to be wacky or have a prosthetic. He said he hired Ridley Scott's special effects team and they study what the dick looks like. Howard asked how many days they work up the images. Sacha said it's months and months. He said they're trying different types of vagina and all of that. He said the penis has to move and it's an animatronics cock.
Howard said at one point in the movie he's covered in elephant semen. Howard said that he hopes he's not giving away too much. Sacha said he thinks he is. Howard said you'll still laugh at this. Howard said he was out to dinner with a guy who is in the business and he wondered how they make an elephant penis. Sacha said he's going to tell him about the elephant cum. He said he had the star Wars team working on that. He said they're looking at different types of liquids and things. He said the fluid that they used is McDonald's secret sauce. Howard said that in this new movie they used actual McDonald's sauce. Sacha said they got 7 tons of the sauce. He said they can't get it right from McDonald's. Howard asked how they got it. Sacha said he's not sure but it cost 14,000 pounds to remove the semen. He asked if he's ruined the movie by revealing this. Howard said he doesn't think so at all. Sacha said they had divers waiting in the semen in case he drowned in it.
Howard asked who plays his brother in the movie. Sacha said his name is Mark Strong. Howard said it does look like they were going to drown in it. Sacha said in the 9 and a half minute version that the MPAA saw people were almost vomiting. Howard asked if it will be in the director's cut. Sacha said maybe in the extras but not in the cut. He said he never wanted that much to go into the movie. He said if it's 9 minutes long you don't laugh. He said 3 minutes you laugh. Howard said there is only so much elephant vagina and cum that you can tolerate.
Howard asked about the MPAA and if they tell him to cut it down and they'll give it an R rating. He said they just say a little bit less. He said they can't give you specifics. He said this goes on for months. Howard said he knows what he really wants and he knows how to get it.
Howard said you see scrotum in the movie and it's very graphic. Sacha said some scrotum pops out of his mouth so this is the kind of nonsense he has to deal with. He said it's not all just cock in the movie. He said that it's family movie in a way. Robin said it's the reuniting of his brother. Howard said he has the sense of humor of a 12 year old. Howard said there's nothing funnier than gay stuff.
Howard asked Sacha about going to clown school after college. Sacha said he did. Howard said they concentrate on satire where clowns are offensive. Howard said that the kids in school were ripped to shreds. He said that he did 15 minutes once and he wasn't asked to stop. Sacha said there is a clown guru who was his teacher. He said people fly from around the world to be in the room with the guy. Howard asked if you have to be a great acrobat to be in this class. Sacha said you don't but you do have to wear a special red nose. Howard said he respects that he did that. He said he went to clown college instead of going to Second City or something like that.
Sacha said the teacher would kick people out of class if he didn't laugh at the things they did. He said he went up and did his thing for 15 minutes and wasn't asked to stop. He said he studied a style called Bufon. He said it's a medieval form of humor. He said that it was people who were outcasts performing for the king of France. Howard said that he's done that with all of his movies. Howard asked why he thinks he just wants to fuck with the powers that be. He asked if he's angry. Sacha said he's not sure. He said class is still evident in England. Howard asked if he has ever analyzed this and ask why he wants to get to the people in power. He said that these people who are so full of themselves and he makes them look ridiculous. Sacha said he's not sure why. He said he thinks that English people are un-self aware. He said he's never gone to a shrink. He said maybe he should.
Howard said that he went to see Monty Python's Life of Brian for his first movie. Sacha said there was wild stuff going on at the time. He said his dad laughed at that. Howard said maybe he wanted to make his father laugh. Sacha said his dad is hilarious. Howard asked if his dad thinks he's in league with Monty Python and things like that. Sacha said his dad called him from the hospital, because he's ill right now, and he told him he's very proud of him for creating all of these characters. He said that he's very proud of him. Howard said that must be the greatest thing in the world.
Howard said he has done all of these characters and he wonders if there are more that didn't work. Sacha said there are still more he's work shopping. Howard asked how he does that. Sacha said he writes a little bit at home. He said he did one about 25 years ago called the Mujahideen Touring Company. He said he would do impressions and things like that. He said he did one audition for a TV show over in London and he did the character and he got a phone call. He said that the show had about 500 viewers. He said that the character used the word ''cunt'' about 5 times. He said they banned him from the channel after doing the show. He said he had to drop the character or his agent was going to drop him. He said she told him to drop the character. He said he felt like he was killing with the character. He said he wrote her a letter about that but he was such a pussy he never sent it and he gave up on the character.
Howard asked Sacha about doing a character as a Hasidic Jew when he was in his teens. Sacha said he and his brother did it. He said his brother plays piano so he'd play and he'd sing. Sacha said they did a bit about sweating so much that they shaved their beards and they became catholic. Sacha said they'd do this gig and get paid and then they were told they were never invited back.
Howard asked Sacha if he was in character like Daniel Day Lewis does. Howard said he walks around on set as his character, Knobby. Howard said the cast and crew have to call him by that name. Sacha said there's no reason to do that but he has to stay in character for Borat and things like that. Sacha said if he goes into the hallway and Gary hears him speaking in an English voice then he'll tell Howard that. He said that he has to stay as Borat for about 12 hours a day. Howard said if he sees him in the hallway and says ''Sacha'' will he ask who that is. Sacha said it's not that bad. He said he'll answer him.
Howard said Sacha was a professional break dancer on the streets when he was growing up. Sacha said he was very serious about it. He said he was like a mini Ali G. He said he loved black culture. He said he thinks every ethnic minority has an affinity for another. He said from 10 to 13 that's how he made money. Howard asked if he brought the cardboard out on the street with him. Sacha said he had a 6 x 6 linoleum piece that he would use. He said they'd be breaking and a rival crew would come out and have a dance off. He said it was two 11 year olds and then older black guys would come out and fight them but fight with dogs. Howard asked who he was out with. Sacha said he was out with one other guy named David. He said they had white shirts and black waist coats. Howard said he'd go out and do his thing. Sacha said they didn't know they could make money so this guy told them they could but he took half.
Howard asked how long he'd go doing that. Sacha said they would do 2 hours or so. Howard said at some point the black guys would come and fight them. Sacha said that he flew over to Miami a couple of days ago and Vanilla Ice was on the plane with him. He said in a way he was the original Eminem.
Howard asked Sacha if he ever introduces himself to someone and they get upset with him for something he did. Sacha said he was at a restaurant in L.A. and Wladimir Klitschko was there. He said he wanted to say hello. He said he's from Kazakhstan so he knew it was a bad idea. He said he shook his hand and held it really tight. He said Wladimir says to him that he humiliated him and his country. He said his wife asked him to sign an autograph. He said Wladimir won't let go of his hand. He thought that things were going to get really ugly. He said he thought about how to grab something to hit him with. Then Wladimir started laughing and it turns out it was all a goof.
Howard asked Sacha about Tony Blair getting a call from someone in Kazakhstan and they tell him to kill the Borat movie. Howard said Tony Blair said to him that he's not a dictator and he can't end the movie. Howard said it's a different thing. Sacha said they did have a meeting. He said it was over trade but part of it was asking to stop the movie. Sacha said he found out there have been others who had calls from this guy telling them to stop the movie.
Howard said Sacha went to the Oscars and he wasn't supposed to go there in character. Howard said Sacha was like fuck you and dressed up like Ali G. Howard asked if he is nervous doing that. Sacha said he was. He said that the race issue was big there. He said that was the issue. He said the HBO show was like 10 years ago and it only had like a million viewers. He said he's doing a character that thinks he's black. He said that he did a line that people will get but 99 percent of the people out there have no idea what the character is. He said on his way in he told one English guy what he was doing. He said the guy said ''Really?'' and he was told not to do that first line. Sacha said he saw Dave Chappelle and told him what he was going to do. He said Dave told him it was great and go out there and do it. He said that he and his wife went into a toilet for like 40 minutes. He said his wife helped him with the beard. Howard asked what Dave Chappelle was doing at the Oscars. Sacha said he has no idea. Howard asked if Dave told him not to do it would he have done it. Sacha said no. He said most people would think he's a racist if he did that.
Robin asked if he ran it by Chris Rock too. Sacha said he did. Howard said he's in the toilet for 45 minutes. Sacha said L.A. is the only place you can go into a toilet for 45 minutes and no one asks where you are. He said they had smuggled in the costume stuff. He said he walked out in the beard and covered his beard with his hand. He said he walked to the edge of the stage and told Olivia Wilde what he was doing. He said he knows her from meeting her a few times. He said she helped him out and tucked him in. He said he had 5 seconds to tell her what he was doing. Howard asked if she was upset that he did it. Sacha said she loved it.
Howard said then Sacha goes out and does this and gets nervous. Sacha said he was worried because he didn't hear any reaction. He said he heard nothing. He said there was a bit of applause when he actually got on camera. Howard said he keeps putting himself in the shit position. Sacha said he keeps trying to get fired. Sacha said he has been a great admirer of Howard's work. Howard said it reminds him of being Fartman at MTV. He said they would have stopped him from doing that.
Sacha said he did a Borat thing at MTV and he got the contract the day of the show and they said if he defames anyone he's liable for the cost of the MTV awards. He said he called his lawyer asking what this is about. He said he was going to defame everyone for 2 and a half hours. He said they had a stand off about that. He said it came down to 5 minutes before the show. He said the head of Viacom okays it and he does the show. Howard said he played poker with them in a sense. Sacha said the first thing he did was call Madonna a man. He said they were uninvited from every party in town that night. Howard said that was his triumphant night and he ends up an outcast. Howard said he must take such pleasure in that. Sacha said he does. He said he doesn't know what it is.
Sacha said they had a screening last night and he realized that he works really hard and risks going to jail or the hospital because he wants to hear people laugh and cheer. He said that's what he realized at that screening. Howard said people think you did your job after something like that. He said that there is nothing adventurous with the movies they're making now with the comic book movies. He said if he wanted to make Borat today he doesn't think that the movie studios would do it.
Howard said he was working on a movie about Freddie Mercury and that all fell apart. Howard said he wanted to play the part straight. Howard said Queen kind of wanted to clean up the whole thing but Sacha wanted to get into the nitty gritty. Howard asked if he wanted to get into his sex life. Sacha said yes. He said there are crazy stories about his sex life. He said he was living an extreme life. He said there were little people with plates of cocaine on their heads at a party. He said it was an amazing story.
Howard asked Sacha about going to the band Queen and asking about making the movie and doing stuff like that in it they probably said they don't want that legacy to be shown. Howard said that's less interesting as a movie. Sacha said he understands it. He said they want to protect their legacy as a band. He said he had the first meeting with the band and one of the guys said this is such a great movie because it has a great thing in the middle of it. He said that they said that Freddie dies in the middle of it. He said they wanted it to be a normal movie where he dies and the band carries on after that. Sacha said not one person is going to see that movie where the lead character dies and you see how the band carries on. Howard said that's how people see their lives carry on. Howard said that's the craziest premise ever.
Howard said that he's trying to picture what the movie would be like after Freddie dies. He said that the band just has to carry on. Howard asked how many scripts he developed. Sacha said they asked him to write the movie. He said he got in a guy named peter Morgan to write it. He said they didn't like that. He said he brought in David Fincher to direct and that didn't work out. He said at the end of the day it was an artistic difference. Howard asked if they ever came up with someone else to make the movie. Sacha said they just had another director drop out.
Howard asked if he cares about movies making money. Sacha said he would like it to make money so he can make more movies. Howard said he thinks that people are going to love it. He said the humor is so immature but there is a good story there too.
Howard said that Sacha has risked his life making movies for you. He said go see this one on Friday when it opens. Howard asked if it's true that the FBI was called in during the shooting of Borat because people thought he was a terrorist. Sacha said yes. He said they were in a hotel and they stayed in Houston Texas for a week. He said you don't want to spend a lot of time in one place. He said that's when the FBI showed up at the hotel.
Howard asked about a project he's working on called The Lesbian that will be on Broadway. He said that it's about a father who wants to find a guy who can convert his lesbian daughter to heterosexual. Howard said it sounds genius to him.
Howard asked Sacha about his production company that's called Four by Two and he asked why that is. Sacha explained that it's a rhyming thing that they do over in England and explained that ''Four by two is Jew'' is the rhyme.
Howard asked about The Lesbian and how he came up with the story. Sacha said it's a real story. He said he heard about it on the news and he put the word out that he was writing a story about it. Howard asked if he's looking for backers on this. Sacha said he is. He said they've written a script but no songs yet. Howard said he might work on some of those. Howard said Dave Chappelle just called and said don't do that. Sacha laughed.
Howard said he wants to thank him for this new movie. Howard said he had such a great laugh. Howard said he'd love to tell people more about what's in the movie but he's not going to say. Sacha said you have to watch it in a crowd. He said that it's comedy and it's a collective experience. Howard said you know there will be some people getting up and leaving. Sacha said something happens to Donald Trump in the movie that's funny. Sacha said he contracts HIV in the movie. He said they had an argument with the movie studio about that. He said that they wanted him to put something in the movie about how it's not a real thing. He said they're afraid that they might get sued by Trump.
Howard asked if he's ever met Trump. Sacha said he did an interview with him as Ali G. He said that he waited for an hour to talk to him and he heard him yelling at the mayor. He said that Donald claims he walked out but he did a 7 minute interview with him. He said that he pitched an idea to him about an ice cream glove. He said he didn't want to put it in the movie that he wasn't HIV positive. He said he wasn't sure how he can write that because he's not sure if he is or not.
Howard asked how long it took to do the movie. Sacha said that he does one every 3 years while other people do 3 every year. Sacha said he comes in whenever he made a movie. Robin asked if he takes his stuff to people like Seth Rogen. Sacha said they show each other stuff and they don't get paid to do it. He said there are some great guys out there like Seth who he can take it to.
Sacha said he thinks he's doing a screening tonight in New York. He said they're doing it at Regal Union Square. Howard asked why they do the screening. Sacha said he'll do a little speech after the movie. He said it opened in Australia and England and it plays well when there's a full house. Howard said there are some very funny scenes in the movie. Howard said he jerks off an elephant and it's the funniest thing he ever saw. Sacha said he's giving away so much. Howard said it's fucking great. Sacha said he's a huge fan of Howard's too. He said that's why he comes on this show.
Robin asked how old Sacha's kids are. Sacha said he is trying to keep them out of the public eye so he won't say. He said he has done kid's movies though. He said that he has done Madagascar. Howard said he heard he could have been in Django Unchained but he had to turn it down. Sacha said he was busy doing other things. Howard said he could have done Ali G in that movie. He said that would have been great. Howard thanked Sacha for coming in and wrapped up. He gave him some plugs and went to break. They played some songs and bits as they went to break.
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Robin said Howard talked about the guy cutting open the horse in The Revenant and that didn't ruin it for her. Howard said that movie was way over the top. He said it was about an hour too long too. Howard said that it was way over the top.
Howard said that Leonardo DiCaprio came out about the state of the world and meanwhile he is on a boat banging chicks. Howard said that he knows someone who knows the captain on that boat. Howard said he is out on the ocean right now banging like 50 chicks. Howard said he thinks Sal knows the captain but he's taking a shit right now. Howard said way to go pal. He's such a help. Howard said wash your hands after the bit.
Howard asked if anyone else knows the captain. No one answered. Howard said that he has to get in touch with the captain.
Howard said that they have Wack History Month all month. He said this weekend they have High Pitch Eric and Hank the Dwarf featured. Howard said one of his favorite Hank moments on the show was when Hank took out his penis to show that he had a normal sized penis. Howard played a clip from that day. Howard told Hank it looked normal. Howard said he was impressed because it was bigger than his. Howard said Hank will be on Sunday. He said another moment he loved was when Hank said he saved a woman's life by eating her out. Back then they had to bleep him out for saying that. Howard said that was the problem with terrestrial radio.
Howard said Beetlejuice and Hank used to fight a lot and one year they had a party and they had a kid's table for Hank and Beetlejuice. He said they fought all the time. Howard said they had a professional jealousy. Howard played a clip of the two of them arguing.
Howard said Hank died 7 days before 9/11. Robin said that's right. She said she was doing Who Wants to be a Millionaire and she was going to give his family half the money. Robin said they told her to give the money to the survivors of 9/11.
Howard kept the bit going for a minute and asked about the captain about all of the fucking going on over there. The captain said that Leo would have won years ago if they gave an Oscar for fucking. The captain said he hears a whale now. They had more cumming sounds and a guy making noise. Howard asked the captain if he can get laid too. The captain said he saw a guy get laid just for giving Leo a high five.
Howard let the captain go after Godzilla got fucked by Leo. Howard got in some more Wack History Month mentions after that. Howard said that they had Jeff the Drunk and Beetlejuice last weekend. They went to break after that.
Howard said they called a transmission shop as Hillary Clinton looking for votes. Howard played the clip and they had Hillary talking to the transmission shop and the guy hung up within seconds. Then they called back and the guy said he's voting for Donald Trump. The guy kept hanging up and fake Hillary kept calling back asking them to vote for her. The guy kept telling her that he's voting for Trump. Howard said they tried that prank call 5 times and everyone hated Hillary and said they were voting for Trump.
Howard said Graham Nash says that Crosby, Stills and Nash are done. Howard said Graham claims that Crosby has been nasty to him for the past couple of years. Howard said Graham says he's treating him like shit for more than one day so he thinks he's done. Robin asked what David has been saying. Howard said he doesn't know what happened.
Howard said that Graham Nash did a special that will air on their channel soon and he has a clip. Howard played that clip and Graham was talking about the songs he and David have written together. Howard said he was hinting at something in there.
Howard said last week they had Peter Frampton on the show and he's getting annoyed that he's not in the rock and roll hall of fame. Howard said that he listened to some of his music and some of Humble Pie too. Howard said that they did a cover of Honky Tonk Woman in 1973. He said that they really rocked. He said he doesn't think the hall of fame is getting it right. Gary said he thinks some people think that Frampton only had one giant moment. Howard said the people who run the hall of fame are more sophisticated than that. He said they know better. Howard said Frampton did fuck up with the Sgt. Peppers movie but everyone fucks up. Howard said you can't hold it against him.
Howard asked Fred to find that Humble Pie Honky Tonk Woman cover. Fred found one but it wasn't the one Howard was looking for. Howard said he hasn't heard this one. Howard said the version he likes was different. Fred said he'll see if he can find it. Howard said he might have a problem. Fred found it and played it for him. Howard said that's it. Howard said they did ''30 Days in the Hole'' and some other great songs. Robin asked who that was. Howard said it was Humble Pie. Robin asked if Frampton wasn't the lead singer in that band. Howard said he wasn't all the time.
Howard said that Phil Collins says he was in a band named The Herd. Howard said Frampton was in a band with the same name. Howard wondered if it was the same band. He said he'd be shocked if there was more than one.
Robin asked Howard what album he thinks is the best live album. Fred named a bunch for him and Howard said Frampton is up there but he doesn't think it's his. Fred said Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. Howard said that was a great one too. Robin said she's going to say that the Frampton live album is the best.
Howard said that Dick Emberg said Rusty Kuntz's name wrong. Howard played that clip and said you have to be careful with that name.
Howard asked Vince if you are supposed to go out looking hard or just bigger than normal. Vince said he never thought about it like that. Howard asked if there were a lot of dudes there. Vince said it was just women. He said he refused to work at the club that had gay night. Howard said that Vince would go out with a full hard on. Vince said that's right. He said he's always naturally hard. He said he can't explain it. Howard said he finds that hard to believe. Vince said he was. Howard said he doesn't get it. Howard said he might have to have him come down and dance for Robin. Vince said it was many moons ago when he did that. Howard said he must have been a good looking dude. Vince said he was but now he's 57 years old.
Howard said he thought women liked a guy to dance around with the outline around his cock. Vince said he used to do private dancing. Howard said he never thought women would dig that. Vince said he had a guy who hired him to come out and strip for his wife for her birthday. He said he'd stick his dick in their faces. He said his friend's wife started blowing him right here in front of the guy. Howard said he should hire this guy for Ronnie's bachelor party.
Howard asked if his friend got pissed that she blew him. Vince said that he didn't because they were swingers. He said the chick took off her top when she was blowing him too. Howard asked how long she had to blow him. Vince said he can hold out if he wants to. Howard asked if chicks at the strip club would fuck him. He said they would take him home. He said he used his name there too. He said his stage name was Vince as well. Howard said he's like him using Howard instead of Human Newman or something like that.
Howard said he was Squirt Reynolds for a summer once. Vince said he was hired to strip at a Jack and Jill bachelorette party. He said he was also hired to strip at a swinger's party. Howard asked who Vince looked like. Vince said he looked like Triple H the wrestler. Howard said he's amazed that women go for that look. Vince said he was 185 pounds of solid muscle. Howard asked Vince to send him a picture.
Howard asked Vince if he wants to play a game for some money. Vince was up for it. Howard said he'll play the Bobo Word Test Game. Howard said they give Bobo a word and he has to use it in a sentence and describe what it means. Howard said Vince has to guess if he'll get it right. Howard asked Vince if he ever got more than one girl at a time. Vince said that's one thing that never worked out for him. Howard asked if he shaved his body hair. Vince said he did. He said he didn't have a lot of chest hair but he would shave off what he had. Howard asked how big he is. Vince said he's got about 7 inches. He said it's very thick too. Howard asked if he's got a big head and if it's veiny. Vince said yes. Howard said it must be if he's getting women to fall for it. Howard said he wishes he had something like that.
Howard asked Vince if his cock is different colors. Vince said it's all one color. Howard asked Robin if she's been with a guy who had multi colored. Robin said no. Vince said he'll come in and strip for her. Robin said no to that too.
Howard said Ryan Phillippe stripped for Robin at the birthday show and she didn't like it. Robin said she was shocked and people were watching. She said it was very confrontational. Howard said it was ridiculous.
Howard got to the game and gave Vince a practice one. Howard said they asked Bobo what the word ''depict'' means. Vince said he won't know what it means. Howard said he has to use it in a sentence too. Gary said he has to guess if he gets it right. Howard asked how this is a game. Vince said Bobo will not know what it means. Bobo said that it means to denounce something or look down on something. Howard said Vince was right. Then Bobo was asked to use the word in a sentence. Bobo got it all wrong with the sentence.
Howard said they asked Bobo what besiege means. Vince said Bobo will not know. He said he's not even sure what it means. Howard said it's like when someone is in the crossfire. Bobo thought it meant ''not forthcoming'' and you're being ''underminded.'' Howard said Vince was right again. Howard said they asked him to use it in a sentence. Bobo said ''After meeting you today I was really besieged by our meeting.''
Howard said they asked Bobo if he knows what magnanimous means. Vince didn't know the meaning. Howard said it's when you're generous. Vince said Bobo will not know this. Howard said he thinks he's right. Howard played Bobo's answer and that it means ''being fantastic'' or something like that. Howard played him using it in a sentence too. He got that all wrong.
Howard said Vince won $500 cash from Kabbage.com. Howard gave them a plug and put Vince on hold. Howard said this guy won so fast he didn't get to a lot of words.
Howard had Bobo on the phone and said that he really isn't that smart. Bobo said the caller didn't either. Howard played a clip of Bobo giving his definition of ''famished'' and he got that one right. Bobo said he knows some but some of them he's never heard before. Howard played a song parody about hanging up on Bobo from Little Mikey to the tune of Foo Fighters ''My Hero.'' Howard laughed at that one. Howard asked if Bobo is still there. He was. Howard said you'd think he'd hang up. Bobo said he didn't want to talk over it. Howard said it says hang up on Bobo because he's boring but he doesn't take the hint.
Shuli came in and said there were 7th grade words in the first round. He said he didn't get one right. He said he had to call back with 6th grade level words to get him to get one right.
Howard played a clip of Bobo giving his definition of ''disinterested'' and it was sort of right. Howard said that he must not know what ''enigma'' means. Howard played Bobo's answer for that and Bobo said that means to be total enlightened with something. He really botched the sentence he used for that word. Howard said that's fucking awesome. Bobo asked who uses these words. Howard said everyone does. He said that they have Mr. Enigma on the show ''Gotham.''
Howard said Bobo knew Famished. Howard said he must have known Ingenious. Howard played that answer. Bobo said that it must mean you wouldn't be bright. Howard said it means genius. Bobo said he doesn't know. Howard said there's nothing ingenious about the guy who made his toupee. Howard played his sentence for that word and Bobo botched that too.
Howard said Bobo is ''ungenius.'' Shuli said he loves the confidence he has. Shuli said he had to shut his microphone off when he was talking to him about this stuff. Howard said he must have known adverse. Bobo did but he screwed up the sentence. He used the term El Nino the guys liked the way he pronounced that.
Howard played Bobo trying to define the word ''inept.'' Bobo thought it meant to be enlightened with something. Robin said that he's always with the enlightening of something. Howard said it's when you're completely incompetent like Bobo is.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said he used ingenious wrong. Howard picked up the call and the guy said that Howard used it wrong. Howard said that he's not going to debate the caller anyway. He hung up on that guy and said he's not going to talk about that.
Shuli said they have to go down to 5th grade level words now. Bobo said his kid is in the 4th grade. Shuli said Bobo said he's never heard a lot of these words. He wondered who is using them. Shuli said 7th graders are using them.
Howard asked Bobo if his kid has a bigger vocabulary than he does. Bobo said you should see the words they have for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his buddy works at the Department of Public Safety and they're taking away his awards. Bobo told him to get out of there.
Howard asked Bobo what Valiant means. Bobo said it means someone who is smart or strong. Howard asked him to use it in a sentence. Bobo said ''The guy was valiant in what he had to say.''
Howard said they should have Bobo play his kid and have Sal play his own son. Howard said that Sal and Bobo couldn't beat Bobo's kid. Shuli said the kids are going to mop the floor with their dads.
Robin asked Bobo what common core means. Bobo said that the way they do math now is crazy. He said they have a whole other way of figuring out how to get 8 plus 8 to equal 16.
Howard played a clip of Bobo trying to define ''Oaf''. Bobo said that no one uses that word. Howard sounded shocked that he didn't know what that meant. Howard said there's an expression of ''Big Oaf'' and Bobo had never heard that.
Howard asked if Bobo knew what vocation meant. Shuli said he thinks he got that one right but then screwed up the sentence. It was the other way around. Shuli said he walked around with his head spinning the other day with this.
Howard had some 5th grade words. Howard asked Bobo if he knows Exert. Bobo knew that. He knew Frigid. Bobo said he knows stuff like that. Howard said 5th grade is where he's comfortable. Howard said Bobo is acting all smart now. Howard told Bobo to spend his time in school down there in Florida.
Howard told Bobo to hang up but he didn't actually hang up. Bobo must have put the phone down and Howard listened in while Bobo was talking to himself. Bobo was going over his notes and talking about what he should have said in his sentences. Howard said maybe he's talking to his toupee. Howard said he's talking to himself looking through his notes.
Howard said this is fucking crazy. Bobo was taking notes and going over more sentences he could have used. Howard asked what it means when you talk to yourself like this. Robin said maybe it means you're stupid. Shuli said he has a book he takes notes in and he thinks he's recapping. Bobo was critiquing himself. Howard said this is fascinating. Howard said he's not going to hang up.
Howard said that he has to get to news but he thinks he could just leave this on. Bobo was talking to himself saying he's a fucking genius. Bobo said that he had an 89 IQ and that means nothing. He asked how he did so good in life and held a job for 38 years. Howard asked who he's talking to. Robin said he's talking to himself.
Bobo picked up his phone and Howard asked who he was talking to. Bobo said he was talking to himself. Howard said holy moly, man. Shuli asked if he was entering stuff in his notebook. Bobo said he was. Howard said he's still wrong about indigenous. Howard said he's all wrong about that. Howard tried to explain it to him. Howard asked him to use the word in a sentence. Bobo did it and got it close enough. Howard said that talking to himself was good. He said he was finally good with that. Shuli said Bobo has different notebooks for what he writes down. Shuli said he has everything color coded.
Bobo asked if talking into darkness harder than talking to a crowd. Howard said save that for another time. Howard said he hasn't heard someone talk to themselves like that since Fred. Fred asked about his yellow questions which are off the cuff. Bobo said he writes them down. Howard asked if he realizes how unimportant his lief really is. Howard said try to hang up for real this time. Howard said imagine the world blows up but his notebook survives. Shuli said that could be a movie. Howard said don't steal that idea from him. Howard let Bobo go after that. Bobo really hung up this time. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked what the hell they just did. Howard said they had radio gold happen. He said he doesn't believe that stripper could be erect all the time. Howard said if he chubbed up at some point his penis would get soft. Howard said he'd have to use a cock ring. Howard said his cock ring would fall off at some point.
Howard said he has so many penis problems. He said he wears Tommy John underpants and he wraps his penis in tissues. He said that will last him the whole day. He said the wet spots are so uncomfortable. Howard said that he'd be like a baby if he leaked through his pants. He said the last two days he forgot to use the tissues. Howard said there he had to wrap it in toilet paper. Benjy asked if he pees through the tissue. Howard said it's like a diaper in there. He said it says in like a Kotex. Howard said they actually sell things but they're too thick for him. He said right now his penis is wrapped in toilet paper like it's broken.
Robin read about how Jimmy Kimmel is going to be hosting the Emmys this year. Howard said he thinks he's hosted before. Robin said he has. Howard said he's never been asked to host or present anything like that. He said he would say no if he was asked though. Howard said he wouldn't do that. He said the presenters usually aren't funny. Robin said some are funny. She mentioned Sacha Baron Cohen. Howard said that's true. Howard said he thinks that Jimmy will do a good job with the hosting.
Robin read a story about an animal shelter that saved some dogs from a South Korean dog meat farm and they're ready for adoption. Howard said for you to assume that your life is more meaningful than a dog is absurd. Howard said he has met people who don't have half the compassion a dog has. Howard said you see these dogs run up to their owner after they're off in action across the world. He said they love people. Robin asked how they went to South Korea to rescue these dogs. Howard said a lot of dogs are smarter than Bobo even. Howard said they have the capacity of a 3 year old.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton saying that she's not being investigated for her emails. She said that Hillary is saying that other people have done this and she hasn't done anything wrong.
Robin had some audio of Ted Cruz asking people to not vote for Donald Trump. He's asking them to come together and unite on his team. Howard said they went out and played some fake Ted Cruz clips for people on the street. Howard played some examples of the comments they got from people. Howard said people will believe anything now with what's going on in the campaign.
Howard picked up on Tan Mom and asked her about politics and other things. He found out she thinks that 10 inches is the right size for a penis. Robin said she'd say 6.5 inches. She said that seems more reasonable. Tan Mom told Howard to ask Clinton how big his dick was. Tan Mom also said that you have to have a contract for how big a pussy will be and find out how many people you've fucked. Howard said it was good to hear from her. Howard thanked her and let her go.
Howard said she's a sweet woman and she's smart. Howard said he has to play a call they made with her. Howard said they kept hooking her up with people whose names were Sal. Howard said he'll play it now. He said they call it Tan Mom Confusion. In the clip they transferred Tan Mom to a guy named Sal and she argues with the guy saying he's not Sal but the guy says his name is Sal. Then they transfer her to another Sal. This time it's a woman. Sal picks up and says he'll connect her to Sal. They call another Sal and connect her with that guy who says he has a daughter in law named Sal. Tan Mom eventually gets fed up and hangs up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Trump campaigning in Michigan yesterday. She had some audio clips of Trump talking about some stuff there. Robin said he has a new move of asking people to take a pledge and having them raise their right hand making it look like a Nazi salute. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that.
Robin said Michael Bloomberg has announced he will not get into the race. Robin said he thinks it might make it easier for Trump or Cruz to win if he got in.
Robin read about Nancy Reagan's funeral that will be invitation only. Robin said that Michelle Obama is supposed to go. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about Nancy too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's ever tried exercising his dick. Howard asked what kind of exercise. The caller said trying to stop the stream. Howard said he doesn't do the Kegel exercise. The caller said it might help with the dripping. Howard said it just happens as you get older. He said it's just part of life.
Robin read a story about the first uterus transplant that was done. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about the procedure. Howard played the clip and asked where this guy is from. Robin said he's from the Cleveland Clinic. Robin read about this 26 year old woman who didn't have a uterus. Howard said he can imagine Caitlyn Jenner getting one some day. Robin said that might be where they're going with this. Howard said it's like Frankenstein. Robin said it's no different than a heart transplant or something like that. Howard said they put other parts of people and pigs into people too. Howard wondered if there is a lot of money in something like that. Howard wondered about penis transplants. Benjy said they have done that in South Africa. Robin said this woman has to have her uterus removed after having one or two children. Robin said the woman can't keep it. Howard did a life commercial read after that.
Robin read about the Hulk Hogan trial and what's going on there. Robin had some details about what went on in court yesterday. Howard said it's funny with cases like this. He said Erin Andrews got $55 million after asking for $75 million. Howard said he thinks it's split between the guy who took the video and the hotel. Robin said that the guy got 51 percent and the hotel got 49. Howard said he thinks the guy has more responsibility. Howard said half the award will never be seen. Howard said the guy has no money. Robin said he had no money when he was taking pictures of her. Howard said then you have the hotel bill and how the law firm is going to get about 20 percent of that. He said the court fees are taken out of that as well. Howard said after all of this they say she'll get about 5 million and then she has to pay taxes on that. Gary said someone said they say that it's tax free but he's not sure if that's the case. Jason said if it's physical injury case you don't pay tax. If it's mental then you do. Howard was trying to do the math to figure out what she was going to get. Howard figured she'd get about 6 million after all of the fees and taxes.
Robin read more about hulk suing for $100 million. Howard said he's going to get about $9. Robin said that Hulk claims that Bubba lied to him about filming him. Robin had some audio of Hulk talking about how his life changed and he claims he never knew that he was being taped. Howard asked if he was dressed as Hulk when he did it. Robin said he wore a black bandana and a black coat. Robin said that he claims he wasn't able to stop shaking when the tape came out. Howard said that he doesn't blame Hulk for being upset. He said you have a tape of yourself released and you get upset. Howard said Bubba used to joke with him about banging his wife and apparently it wasn't joking. Howard asked if Bubba and Hulk are friends. Robin said not now. Robin said that Hulk talked about Bubba on the air and off and how they became friends. Howard said that he understands what he's saying. Howard said he has never seen this video. He said maybe he saw some of it. Robin said she thinks they saw some of it. Gary said he remembers seeing it and it's black and white and grainy. He said he's not sure if you can see his balls or anything like that. Howard asked if Hulk was wearing his bandana in it. Gary said he doesn't remember but he thinks he might have.
Robin asked what bathroom a transgender person should use. Howard said it depends. Howard said once you get a vagina you should be in the ladies room. Howard said it might depend on how pretty they are too. Howard said if a girl walked in who is fully transgender and calls herself a guy that's fine. Howard said he can't pee in front of anyone. Howard said if you have balls that are hitting the water in the ladies room maybe you should go in the men's room. Howard said he's cool with whatever they want to do. Robin said that they are making rules there in the city so people can use whatever bathroom without showing ID.
Robin read about Peyton Manning announcing he's retiring from football. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said he was crying. Robin said he got emotional. They played the clip and Fred played a baby crying sound. Howard said he knows someone else who can use the ladies room... Peyton Manning.
Robin read about Maria Sharapova talking about why she's retiring. Robin had some audio of her talking about getting caught using performance enhancing drugs. Robin said that she had been taking it for 10 years. Robin said it helps you recover faster.
Robin read a story about lawmakers that are trying to make polygamy illegal. Robin had some audio of a guy arguing why it should be legal. Howard said he's all for it if someone wants to marry someone like that. He said as long as they know about it then go for it.
Robin read about Erin Andrews and what happened in that case. Robin had some audio of her team talking about their win.
Robin read a story about today being Women's Day. Robin said women around the world will be celebrating. Howard said he loves that.
Robin read about Kanye West saying he may never again release CDs. Howard said he's so radical. Robin had Howard play one of his songs. Robin said he may only stream songs from now on. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am
Gary asked David how he feels about the nickname DAG. David said he likes it. He explained how he got the nickname. He said that some people thought they came up with it but it was this other person.
Jon said they're going to talk about Sacha Baron Cohen coming in today. David said he needs to change his shirt. He said he has coffee stains on it.
Jon said Howard is still giving Ronnie a lot of flack about the bachelor party. David said that he shouldn't be having one. He said he's a grown man. He said unless he's 20 he shouldn't be having one. He said he's a grown ass man. He said he sees Rahsaan scowling. Rahsaan said he's engaged so he's going to be having one. Gary said they're talking about normal people but Ronnie seems himself as the Hugh Hefner of the show. Gary said that he is their strip club guy. Jon said that the caller put it out there that Howard is jealous. Gary said he doesn't think so. David said he's not saying you can't celebrate. He said that you can still have a party. He said he got married for the second time and didn't have a bachelor party.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard needs to empower his staff and let them make some money outside of the show. Gary said it's not about that though. The caller said Howard will be gone in 5 years and the staff will be looking to do things. He said any time they want to do something outside of the show Howard has a hissy fit. Jon asked if he's arguing that Ronnie should be able to do what he wants and Howard should just be happy. The caller said Howard has a history of not letting the guys on the show make money on the side.
Gary said Howard only gets upset if the guys use his name to promote these shows. David said that he had to ask them not to promote the Carmichael Show using his image without asking. He said Howard can get upset if his name is being used. David said he just wants to be asked. He said that if you're using Howard's name he has that right.
Jon said Ronnie does ask Howard. He said that he's not fully aware that the reason he gets all of this stuff is because he's in this universe. Gary said he thinks Ronnie knows and understands. He said he doesn't think he has any expectation that people will be clamoring for him when Howard ends the show.
David asked if anyone has gone on to do anything successful after interning on the show. Gary said he's sure they have but he can't think of any right now.
Jon asked when David started listening to the show. David said there was a guy who used to write a New Jersey newspaper. Gary said it was called Steppin' Out. David said he was interviewed for the paper. He said it was more like a pamphlet. Gary said he knows what it is. David said he listened for many years in the 80s. He said he became a heavy listener mid-In Living Color. He said he listens in his car and hasn't figured out how to listen in the house yet. They went to break a short time later.
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David told a story about flying on MGM Grand back in the day. He said this woman came up to him and introduced herself to him. He said she was a beautiful woman. He said two kids were playing hide and seek behind her legs. He said they were the most beautiful kids. He said it turned out to be OJ's wife and her two kids. He said shortly thereafter, boom. Gary said they had a relationship with OJ too. He said he was on the board of directors for their company at the time when it all went down. He said they had to wait a year to vote him off. He said they hoped that no one would notice he was on the board.
Jon said that Howard has mentored a lot of people and he wonders how he mentored David. David explained how he never got in the groove of getting over that hump of the first few shows. He said he would do a show and he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He said Cosby showed him how to run a show. He had him watch how he works and how he deals with the writers and all of that. He said that's what he means about him mentoring him. David talked more about Cosby and OJ with Jon and Gary.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up how Howard gave a bit of ribbing to Fred and Benjy not bringing a lot of stuff to the show. He asked how it is during the break. Gary said they pretend like it didn't even happen. David said talking about it on the air is like therapy, isn't it? They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard was busting on Jon this morning so that must hurt. Jon said it did but he had Richard and Sal in the back of his head when he was recording it. He said he has to take his lumps there. He said that's the way it operates there. Jon said Gary got hit harder than he did. Gary said he didn't think so. Gary said it was mostly Jon's reading of the book.
Gary said he had put on weight about 20 years ago and he went to a weekend water park with his kids and someone had sent Howard a picture. David said he went to the beach with his wife who was pregnant at the time. He said that he thought she could pull her tits out in the hotel but she went on the beach and it was all over the place after that. They went to break a short time later.
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David said he was kind of acquainted with that clown dude. Gary said his name is Yucko. David said they would come in and do a show after his and Yucko was such a nice guy. He said it was bizarre to see him transition from that guy to the clown. Gary said it is a big transition.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jon about the audio book thing and if he waits for that hit to come or is he just hoping it sells more books. David said they must know it's coming. He said Gary has gotten so much crap from Howard over the years. He said it's brutal but wonderful. Jon said he knew it was coming but he didn't know when. Jon said as he was in the booth recording the audio he knew that was going to end up in a call. He said he was okay with that. Jon said he didn't know that the book signings were going to get goofed on.
David said he did a book signing and no one showed up. He said there were 3 people there and two were homeless. Jon said ultimately it makes people more aware of the book.
David asked if it was Billy West who did the drunken Irish mom who talked about drunken actors. Gary said he thinks so. He said that Billy was from Boston and they did a TV movie there with Jane Curtain playing the mother. He said that he got it from that. David said when he did that he had to pull over. He said that was the funniest shit ever. Gary said that went on to be Marge Schott. He said that Billy would call in as Marge and he called in the day of the Rodney King riots and he was calling in from under the bed because he was yelling the N-word.
David asked what happened to him. Gary said he's been doing a lot of work in voiceover. David asked if they had a falling out. Gary said no falling out.
Jon said they had Sacha Baron Cohen in today. Jon said he has to talk about how he stays in character on set. He said he does that to stay in character because he's not that good of an actor to jump in and out of it. David said everyone wants to be in on it when you're in a comedy. Gary said Howard appreciates that he can take it so seriously.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about working in dirty words on network TV and on terrestrial radio. They talked about Sacha doing his Ali G thing at the Oscars too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been following Howard for years but he's been following Peyton Manning even longer. He said Howard just makes fun of him and that was wrong of Howard. Gary asked if he knows what show he's listening to. The caller said Howard knows nothing about Peyton. Gary said that's why he did what he did. Gary said go back and think of all of the people you've laughed your ass over. David said that Howard did that to him. He said Howard said he would have fired him immediately when he asked for more money on In Living Color.
The guys wrapped up after a few more minutes of stories from David. They were done around 12:20pm.
Howard started the show talking about how he should play a new Beetlejuice song. He said he has a way of coming up with hooks. He said it's idiot Savant with the emphasis on idiot. Howard said this song Beet is working on is great. He asked where it is. Gary said it's on the priority page. Howard said he hates that name. He said he wants it changed to Tata Toothy. Howard said that way Gary has to say it's on Tata Toothy boff.
Howard said Beetle was working on this song and Beet was stuck on the N-word in this session. Howard said he didn't know he was into that word so much. Howard played a clip where Richard was asking Beet what certain letters stood for and they all meant the N-word to him. Howard said they had a game going on there and there was a lot of the N-word flying around.
Howard said Beet is a big Marvin Gaye fan and his songs are influenced by that. Howard said he warms up listening to Marvin Gaye and then he makes up his own songs. Howard said he just comes out with a song and then he has a hit. Howard said he's not kidding around. He said the songs are actually pretty good. Robin said they get stuck in her head all day long sometimes. Howard said this song is called ''People in Love.'' He played his song and Beet is singing about people in love with a music background and a chorus with him. Howard asked what Robin thinks. Robin said that's nice. She said it's going to be one of those catchy songs. Howard sang it too. The lyrics were easy enough. It was just ''People in love.''
Howard asked Beetle who is on the show today. He played the announcement and he was unintelligible with the name. Howard said he has a phony phone call with Beet calling a record store. Howard played that call where Richard had Beetle singing songs to the woman at the store trying to figure out what albums he wanted. He sang some Marvin Gaye for her and she recognized that. Beet sang a couple of those for her and she got them all for him. Howard said that woman was very pleasant to sit through that and help him out.
Howard said that Memet went to a transgender convention thing. He thought it was Wolfie and tried picking up on him but they had phone problems. Howard said they have to fix the fucking phone around there. Howard said he's planning the company's future and he's going to put that on hold until they fix the fucking phones.
Memet came in and Howard said that Gay Ramone is really into him. Memet said that he did send him a picture of his ass once. Howard said Memet would make a good looking girl. He said he just needs to get a nice vagina.
Memet told Howard he went to this Winter Wonder Trans event. Howard said he learned a lot about Trannies from this. Howard said there was a big convention where transgender men who became women and dudes who are into those women but claim they're straight. Howard said that it's interesting. Memet said he was hit on there but he felt like it was a strip club kind of thing. He said a lot of the guys were showing their tits.
Howard said he is so frustrated with them rebooting the phones now. Gary said they had to. Howard said he's becoming very frustrated. Howard said he's the number one guy in radio and he won't tolerate this. Howard said he'll get up and leave. Howard said it's hard enough to do this without staring at that screen while it reboots. Howard said that he wants to be waken up when they're done fixing this thing. He said he is a genius in this field. He said he goes home and he's a shlub but here he is genius. Howard turned off one screen to avoid looking at it but now the little screen is doing it. Howard told Memet not to move. Memet wanted to leave but Howard said he's not done with him. Howard said he's completely cut off now. Gary said he's told that it's all done and it's ready to go.
Howard got back to Memet and asked how many people were there. Memet said there were about 20 girls there. He said some of them were hot. He said some would fool you but some you'd never be fooled by. Howard asked if Memet would be with any of them if they had a vagina. Memet said it's still a penis that you're putting your penis into so no. Howard said he could never do it either. Howard asked if he would take a hand job from a trans. Memet thought about it and said if he was desperate probably. Howard said he remembers when Toula was on the show. Howard said she was a hot trans. Howard said that she was sitting on his lap and he wondered if he was getting a boner. Howard said she had no penis. He said he wants to make that clear. Howard said he's 100 percent all man. Howard said he doesn't think he's into trans women. Howard said if she had reached in and gave him a tug he might have gotten a boner. Memet said it's not as gay of an act as other things. Howard said if he does it it's not gay. Robin said that they are ridiculous. Robin said if they didn't know Toula was trans he would do it. Howard said she's right. Howard said he might figure it out eventually though.
Memet said he had to keep reminding himself that they were men. He said some had that voice. Howard and Fred did their Herman Munster voices for a few seconds.
Howard played a clip of Memet talking to a Haitian transsexual named Ebonet. She sounded like a man. Memet said she looked like a man too. He said she wasn't one of the people who could fool you. Ebonet said that she would never cut her penis off.
Howard played another clip where Ebonet went off on Caitlyn Jenner for some weird reasons. Ebonet said that she's not very feminine and her voice is annoying. Howard said he agrees. Memet said that this person was like 6'4'' tall and she uses the women's room but stands up.
Howard played another clip of a transgender person talking about how she has a pussy. Memet asked if it was painful getting the operation. She said it was but it's okay. She said they did a good job. Memet asked if she has sex with straight men. She said yes. Howard asked if she was hot. Memet said no. He said that she was one of the oldest ones there. He said she was not one of the cuter ones.
Howard asked if they all had huge tits. Memet said they did. Howard said he imagines they have a pussy that looks like a baloney sandwich. Howard said he knows transgender people and they're fun people. He said the TV shows with them are depressing. Robin said she's trying to get through the second season of Transparent and it's depressing and no fun.
Howard played a clip of a transgender woman comparing her penis to the Little Mermaid's tail. Memet asked her if she has a penis and that's what she compared it to. Memet said that she was one of the cuter ones there.
Howard said he would fuck a mermaid in 2 seconds flat. He said he'd fuck a fish before he'd fuck a guy with a cock. Memet said that one girl earlier was the only one who didn't keep her penis. She said the rest of them kept it. Robin said there are some who say they enjoy sex with their new apparatus.
Howard had a clip of a girl talking about how tucking her balls in hurts. In that clip Memet asked her about how she hides her penis and she talked about a special panty that holds it all up and how it can be painful when you sit down. She said it can pinch your ball sack.
Howard said that it's such a waste when you have a big cock and you're transgender. Howard said imagine when she takes off the big panties. Memet said she was one of the better looking ones too. Howard said that his penis looks like a Bosco bottle cap. He said he'd be a great tranny. He said that he'd pull his pants down and the guy would see his clit clear as day.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy talking about how he likes going down on transgender guys. He said he has gone down on them before and it's not a gay act. Howard laughed when he heard that. The guy said he gets off that the other person is getting off. Howard said he loves that they think they're not performing a gay act. Memet said they get mad if you bring that up too. Howard said they should just embrace it and enjoy it. Memet said they walk in looking like they can kick someone's ass. Howard said they probably can.
Howard played a clip of a guy trying not to say that he goes down on guys but then he admits it. Memet had asked what he does with the penis and the guy eventually says he gives them oral. Howard said that is a confused man. He said everyone is so uptight about being gay. Memet said maybe this is like a middle step for some people.
Memet said it seems like it's the penis that's the biggest turn on for these guys. Howard said he has one last clip of a guy who is a gay guy running the event who is into women who have transitioned into men. Howard said that's complicated. Howard asked if Memet walked out of there confused and had to go to a bar to drink. Memet said definitely. Howard played more of the guy talking about what he's into.
Howard said Beth was out last night and today she went off to get her hair done to do the Empire State building thing. Howard said she loves doing this stuff.
Howard said his wife is lighting the Empire State Building to bring awareness to shelter pets. Howard said they have an amazing foster cat who is 6 years old. Her name is Flower. Howard said she was dumped by her owner at a shelter. Howard said she's been in a cage for years. Howard said she came to their house and one of her eyes was fucked up so he paid for her operation. Howard said they sent her over to this eye surgeon who does this for cats. Howard said you should see his bills for this stuff. Howard said Dr. Sappienza removed her eye and she's doing well. Howard said if you want to adopt this cat you can email Beth. Howard said he's getting attached to her and she's the friendliest, sweetest cat. Howard said if you're looking for a cat please adopt her. Howard said she's not in pain now so she's doing well.
Howard said that Joey Kramer from Aerosmith sent him some coffee that he's selling now. Howard said Beth puts milk and sugar in her coffee and that drives him nuts. Howard said she had some of the coffee and she drinks it black. Howard said she doesn't want anything but this coffee now. Howard said good for Joey getting into that. Robin asked if it's organic. Howard said sure. Howard said everyone is organic. Fred said it actually is. Howard said Beth says she won't drink any other coffee now. Howard said he loves Starbucks. Robin said she tried it the other night and it was horrible. Howard said his parents love Dunkin' Donuts. Robin said she does too.
Howard said his mother was talking to him the other day about going to Dunkin' Donuts once a week. Howard did his impression of her and told the story. He said that he took Sirius out of their house. Howard said he got himself a headset so he can do other things while he's on the phone. Howard said that Robin was talking to him the other day and he was painting while she was talking to him.
Howard got back to his mother and talked about what they do. Howard said he wishes that they'd go out and just have some fun. Howard said his mother doesn't want to go out and get cold. Howard said it's just misery talking to them. Howard said he wants to tell his mom to just shut up and go out and have fun. He said they've beat the odds already. Howard said his mother tells him about the egg salad at Dunkin' Donuts. Howard said she says it's very good. Howard said he gets caught up in this and asks about what his dad eats. Howard did his impression of the two of them on the phone talking about Dunkin' Donuts.
Howard said his dad has like 3 cups of coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. Howard said he must be shot out of a cannon. Howard said his mother says they do that after having their sandwiches. Robin asked how they get there. Howard said they have a driver. Howard said he doesn't want to get into it. Howard said they go to the doctor and all of this stuff. Howard said it's a treat for them.
Howard had his mother talking about a guy who sits there in shorts and sandals in the Dunkin' Donuts. He said she tells him this and cracks herself up. Howard said she says he sits there on the machine the whole time. Howard said she laughs at that.
Howard said his mother told him that they saw this man get out of a car and they realized that he's a wealthy man who sits there all day working. Howard had her laughing at the story and he asked why it was funny. He said she talks about it like it's a funny story. Howard said they think this is the craziest thing they've ever seen. Howard said they would tell Robin this story too if they ran into her. Howard said his buddy Pat saw them and his mother told him the story. Robin said you never know until you get there what you'll put up with. Howard said he's ready to go to Dunkin' Donuts. Robin said Howard is telling them to go out on an adventure but he's sitting home doing nothing himself. Howard said he's ready to go to Dunkin' Donuts.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he didn't realized he was talking so long. Howard said he has to get to a lot of people on the phone.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who brought up House of Cards. Howard said he's not caught up yet. He said Robin Wright Penn is so hot. Wolfie asked if he has noticed that she has a hole in the bottom of her neck. Howard said she strains when she talks and she's very thin. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he'd fuck that hold. Howard said he really thinks she's sexy. Howard said it's a little distracting but not that much. Howard said she's a magnificent woman. Howard said she trots around like she does. Howard said it's so hot. Howard said she has deep neck lines there and he sees that. Wolfie said it's impossible to not see it. Fred said he thinks he'd be looking at other things. Wolfie asked him to ask Benjy about it. Howard said he's afraid to. He and Fred did their impressions of Benjy. Benjy said it doesn't look like fitness to him. He said it looks like she has a hole there. Howard said maybe it's her vagina.
Howard said she's also a good actress. Howard said she plays that part so well. Howard said that Kevin Spacey is great and you have to give him a run for his money. Robin said she does too. Robin asked if his parents watch that. Howard said he's not sure what they watch. Howard said they listen to the TV very loud though. Howard said he will ask what they watch and they don't know what the name of it is. Howard said she said that they watch the show ''with the nerds'' which is ''The Big Bang Theory.'' Howard said she doesn't even know the name of it. Howard said they like that show. Howard said he has tried to explain to them about what Netflix and things like that are. He said they want nothing to do with that stuff. Howard said he got them a DVR but they don't want to learn how to use it.
Howard said he's drained from this. He did more of his mother's voice and had her talking about how she trained him to please her. Howard said he had to think of her when he was growing up. He said he thinks she had parenting backwards based on that. Howard said he's cut back to 2 times a week for his therapy. He said his therapist didn't agree with that but he is the one paying the bill. Howard said he was going 4 days a week and he had no life. Howard said he really has to take a break. He let Wolfie go and said he's sorry he is bothered by that hole in Robin Wright's neck.
Howard asked if Robin Wright has a boyfriend. Robin said she does and he's a young man. Howard wondered if she's banging all day. Wolfie said the guy is probably banging the hole in her neck. Howard let him go and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that every rock and roller ripped off James Brown's sound. Howard said he was an all around entertainer. Howard said lets enjoy him for a few seconds. He let the song play for a few. He said they had him in the studio and Janie the Cleaning Lady had to interpret him. Howard said she was from the south so she was able to do that.
Howard said George Martin has died. He produced the Beatles albums. Howard said Gary ran into his son once and his son reamed Gary out for something he said. Howard said he said that George came off kind of poorly. Howard said he doesn't doubt that he produced but he went around telling people what he did on each song. Howard said that they get that he was the producer. Howard said Paul McCartney came out with the statement saying that George had passed. He said he was still talking about what George did on the songs.
Howard said he has been around recording studios his entire life. He said taking credit for things like that can take away from it. Howard said Jackie claims that he invented the words anal and oral on the show. Howard said he would never tell that story. Gary said Jackie has talked about that in several places. He said Jackie says he had to devise a way to say that on the air when they were on terrestrial radio. JD had the clip of Jackie talking about that. Howard said his point is that George Martin reminds him of this. Howard said he talks about all of the things he suggested in the Beatles songs.
Howard played the clip of Jackie the Joke Man talking about the anal and oral thing. Jackie claims that he came up with that to get around the FCC rules. Jackie said Howard used to get bleeped all the time talking about things. He said they would bleep when Howard would say oral sex or anal sex. Howard cut the clip off saying ''Thank you Jackie.''
Howard said George Martin was part of the Beatles in the studio but it came off pretentious and tacky to tell people about every little thing he did. Howard said he got plenty of credit for what he did.
Howard said Gary ran into George Martin's son. Gary said he was at a lunch and he was at the table with this guy and he didn't know he was going to have lunch with him. He said that his son said that it was very hurtful to the family for Howard to say what he said. Howard said that he's not trying to disparage the guy on the day of his death. He said going around and telling people what you came up with like the harmonica on a song it sounds like you're desperate.
Gary said that it was almost confrontational. He said he told the guy that Howard is on the air for 4 hours a day and he said what he said. He said the guy told him that this lives on the internet forever though. Gary said he thinks the son produced an album with his father. He said it was the Cirque du Soleil Beatles album. Howard said he was just saying chill the fuck out about talking about that stuff. Gary said that it was at an 11 in the uncomfortable scale.
Howard said that he got yelled at by Merv Griffin's son once. He said that he told him that he was just doing a comedy show and he was a big fan of Merv's. He said he told a funny story about him that was in the paper. He said the guy wanted to kick him out of his club and he refused to leave.
Howard read about what George Martin did for the Beatles and how he changed some of their songs from what they originally were. Howard played some examples of their songs while he was talking about that.
Howard said he wants to get back to the Jackie clip where he talks about Anal and Oral. Gary said he also tells a story about how he wrote that joke about a woman being a two bagger for Rodney Dangerfield. Howard said he'd do the same thing.
Howard said he's just saying that George Martin shouldn't go around bragging about what he did. Gary said this is nicer than what he said the first time. He said he talked about how anyone could do what he did and anyone could have tripped over the Beatles.
Howard said rest in peace George. Howard said his son should chill. He said he's not a musical expert so get over it. He said it's just his feeling.
Howard said he is sorry to hear George is dead. Robin said he was 90 years old. Howard thanked him for his contribution.
Howard read about having Mitt Romney on the show. Howard said this person said they have to have him mix it up with Donald Trump.
Howard said people wrote in about Sacha Baron Cohen and how great his interview was. Howard said he got some very nice emails about him. Howard said that people say he spoiled the movie with some spoilers. Howard said he didn't ruin it, he just got people more interested in seeing it. Howard said he doesn't ruin movies. He said he gets people interested in it. Howard said never say that again or he'll punish the audience. Howard said he knows what he's doing.
Howard said someone wrote in about the promise bracelet that Sal wears from his boyfriend Larry. Howard said that he does wear that all the time.
Howard said someone wrote in about the Ronnie Proposal bit. Howard asked if they have that. No one answered him. Howard read some email about Ronnie and how they should just let him be with the bachelor party. Howard said some people agreed with him about how Ronnie is too old for that.
Howard said David Alan Grier agreed with him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard played a clip of David talking about how Ronnie is a grown man and you don't do that. Robin said Ronnie does have a NASCAR tire in his living room so he's different. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie's proposal.
Howard said that Theo Von said that if you have god given color in your beard you can have a bachelor party. Howard said he doesn't think Ronnie does. He said he thinks Ronnie doesn't even want to get married. He just wants the bachelor party. Robin said that's what she thinks. Howard played another song parody about Ronnie's engagement.
Howard said someone wrote in about how he should be allowed to have a bachelor party. Robin said that someone told her that a 20 year old doesn't have a lot of money to tip at a bachelor party. Howard said Ronnie gets whatever they give him at the club to tip. Howard played another song parody that Ronnie did about his cock ring.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about the cock ring. He said they say in the long run it can hurt your boner. Robin said that's what the stripper said yesterday.
Howard said that Flat Ronnie is out there too. He said they have some pictures of Jonah Hill with a Flat Ronnie and also with John Stamos at a Beach Boys concert. Jason said flat Ronnie showed up on the Nikki Glaser show too. Howard played the Ronnie ''Secret Garden'' song parody.
Howard said it's great to talk to Ronnie about the engagement. He said he'll tell you that she's walking around on cloud 9 but he won't say that he is too. Howard said that Ronnie will just grunt. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie grunting.
Howard said they got a lot of email about the Jon Hein audio book. Howard said someone said they're fat and they're not a fan of Jon's. Howard said that not all fat people are fan's of Jon's but all of Jon's fans seem to be fat. Howard played some edited clips from Jon's audio book.
Howard said he has Evil Dave to tell them who is on the show today. They had him saying that Maria Menounos is on today. Howard said Beet just garbled her name. He played some outtakes of Beetle trying to say her name. Beet kept saying something but it wasn't Menounos. Howard said this goes on for hours. Howard said Maria will be in later in the show. Howard played a song parody with her unique laugh in it. They went to break after that.
Howard asked Bobo what's on his mind. Bobo asked if Howard can walk them through a day after the show. Howard said that sounds like a written out question. Howard asked what color code that is. Bobo said it's yellow so it's ''on the fence.'' That means he's not sure if he'll be ridiculed over that. Howard played a song parody about how bad Bobo's calls are. One of the lines in the song was about how he should get eaten by a crocodile. Howard said they had a great game they played yesterday. Howard said they want to bring back the Bobo word game again but go down to the 4th grade level.
Howard said he's not sure the audience cares about what he did off the air. Bobo said he thinks they do. Howard said he meditated and then had a meeting with the guys about what they want to do next week. Howard said then he left there and went to another meeting about some bullshit. Howard said then he saw the shrink. He said then he came back to his apartment and ate dinner in 10 minutes while watching Neil Cavuto. Howard said he ripped through his homework and then had another meeting until about 7:30 with people from Sirius. Howard said then he ran upstairs to finish The Bachelor where all of the girls tell all. Howard said he watched that while Beth was out at that event she was at. Howard said they say that a lot of women who are on reality shows end up committing suicide. Howard said that the thing is these shows attracts women who are disturbed. Howard said the chicks are very hot though.
Robin said that Amy Schumer was in a battle with The Bachelor over something he said. Howard said Amy will make fun of her own appearance but if someone makes fun of her then she goes off on that person. Howard said Lena Dunham is like that too. Howard said she makes fun of herself but if a guy does it she'll teach him a lesson. Howard said he loves her show. Robin said she does too. She said she loves them both. Robin said that Amy is caught up in The Bachelor. Howard said he is too.
Howard said then he watched Supergirl. Robin said she's done with that. Howard said he's not. He said he fell asleep after that. He said he had endless meetings yesterday. He was tired.
Howard asked Bobo if that's okay. Bobo asked if Robin does anything interesting. Robin said she had class after the show. She met with a friend and then she went to a lecture and then home to watch Better Call Saul for a few and then went to bed. Howard said he hopes Bobo colors that question brown because it was so shitty.
Howard said he's struggling there today. Robin said they are having technical problems. Gary said they're working on it. Howard said he has the clips. He played the clips after asking the questions. They had Ted's dad saying some wild stuff. Howard said if he was still on the phone he would have asked what Ted was like as a kid. Ted's dad said he was like Macauley Culkin's if he had been gang fucked and set on fire. Howard had Ted's dad talking about how he's voting for Bernie Sanders so bring on the free shit. Howard said he should say that was Ham Hands Bill for anyone who thought it was really Ted Cruz's dad.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to Maria Menounos. Howard said they have to find out what's going on with her. He said she is an exceptional looking girl. Robin said she's a woman. Howard said she is an exceptional looking woman. They played her laugh and some goat sounds and then the song parody with her laugh in it. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Maria Menounos is on the E! network. Howard said she's been around forever and she looks great. Howard said her boyfriend and parents are there too. Howard said he'll bring her in by herself first. Howard said the guys are raving about how she looks today. Howard said she has a belly shirt on and it looks great. Howard said he Googled her last night. He said she has appeared in bikinis and belly shirts and almost naked. Howard said she showed her ass but covered up her titties and bush. Howard said she has built a career out of looking good. Maria said ''no-wah.'' Howard asked if she was in any beauty pageants. Maria said she has. She said she won the Miss Massachusetts Perfect Teen.
Howard said Maria is plugging her book ''The EveryGirl's Guide to Cooking'' and he's wondering how she can call herself every girl. Howard said she's hot. Maria said that she doesn't think she's that beautiful. Howard asked who is better looking than her. Maria said that Jessica Biel is. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Howard said he'd pick her over Jessica Biel.
Howard said that he has to get into this. Howard said after all of the beauty pageants and all of that she got into broadcasting. Howard said she was on that show Extra. She did that for 3 years. Howard asked if she's ready to talk about what went down there. Maria said that he's looking at her funny. Howard said she had a great job standing there with Mario Lopez. Howard asked why she had to leave. Maria said she chose to leave. Howard said she has to dig deep and tell them the full story. Howard said Mario couldn't deal with her. Maria said that's not it. She said she and Mario are cordial. Howard said that she's seen him since she left. Maria said she just saw him like 2 weeks ago.
Howard said it seems like cordial means you hate them but you're nice to them. Maria said she saves her hate for people who deserve it. Howard asked how things are at E!. Maria said things are amazing there. She said that she is having fun there and it's amazing.
Howard said that Maria was up against Giuliana Rancic over there. Maria said Giuliana decided to leave. Howard asked what happens with E! because it seems like she's still there. Howard said when they have the Oscars and Emmys they have Maria there, Ryan Seacrest, Ross the Intern and a bunch of gay guys. He said they have a whole slew of people but it used to be Giuliana. Maria said she is still there. She said they've been doing it for like a decade. Howard asked why she's there if Maria is there. Maria said it's an entire network so they have a lot of people.
Howard said it seems like Maria has a lot of drama in her life. Maria said there are people who want to hurt you and dim your light. She said it's been really friggin hard. She said it's really painful. Howard said Maria is a nice girl and she's really hot. Maria said it's really hard. She was almost crying. She said Howard isn't without struggle. Howard said that he thinks that she's been through a lot and people are against her. Howard said it's a tough business.
Howard asked what it is that people struggle with. Maria said she thinks she's a nice person. She said that you can threaten people easily. She said she has made mistakes herself. She said she can be aggressive and she wants to make things great and it can make work for people. She said that can make people hate you. Howard asked who has held her back. Maria said sometimes it can be management. Howard asked if it was the Jews. Maria laughed. Howard said it always comes down to that. Maria said she has experienced Howard's journey along the way.
Howard said what Maria is saying is that she's been hired at jobs and she gets there and shit happens. Maria said sometimes but not all the time. Maria said some people are intimidated immediately. She said they think certain things of you. She said she's been torpedoed at places she hasn't even started at. She said they'll say things about her before she gets there. Maria said she had a producer tell her that she had been waiting for the other shoe to drop for months. She said she was told that she was a diva and a terrible person. Maria said this person said the most horrible and wretched things about her. Maria said this woman told her that she loved working with her and she doesn't know where this stuff came from. Maria said she's not sure where this comes from. Howard said they talk about her before she even gets there and they bad mouth her. Howard said Maria has to work extra hard to be super nice. Maria said you have to pitch a perfect game and you can never have a bad day.
Howard said he loves it when Maria cries. She said she has a radio show that she does and she cries there a lot too. Howard asked if anyone is listening. Maria said they do. She said she's on channel 109. She said she has a lot of people come on the show too. She said it's on at 10am Pacific. Howard asked what time that is there. Maria said it's on at 1pm on the East Coast. Howard said that's confusing to him.
Howard asked what's going on with Maria and her boyfriend. She said they've been together for 19 years in a few weeks. Howard said that she's an extraordinary looking woman. Howard asked if she's being hit on left and right. Maria said no. Howard asked if men have hit on her at all in those 19 years. Maria said of course they have. Howard said she meets famous people all day. Maria said she does. Howard said some of the biggest stars have hit on her. Maria said she has had people inquire if she's in a relationship and they move on when they find out she is. Howard said he wouldn't move on. He said he'd go after her. Howard said he would do that. Then he said he wouldn't do that because he's a nice guy.
Maria said she is a human being and at the end of the day she and Keven are partners in life. She said in the 19 years she's been with him she hasn't gone on another date. She said she won't say she's never thought of it but she's never done it. Howard asked if Keven is the only guy she's banged. She said kind of. She said she had one other guy before Keven but that was a long time ago. Howard asked if the guy banged her. Maria said her parents are in the other room. Howard said he must have done anal. Maria said ''Oh my god!'' Howard said the other guy must have broken her hymen. Maria said she can't talk about this. She said her parents are in the other room. Howard said they know she's a woman and she's a sexual being.
Howard had the guys bring Keven in. Howard asked why he's sitting. Keven said they told him to. Howard had him stand up because he likes that better. Maria said it's time for her to suffer. Howard said Keven looks like he cut his hair. Keven said he did but he got off of Propecia and he lost some of it. He said that stuff kills your sex drive. Howard said Keven was taking Propecia to maintain his hair growth and that killed his sex drive. Howard asked if his penis didn't get hard. Keven said it would start out like he wanted to bang her but she wouldn't want to. Keven said you can't just have sex whenever you want. Maria said you have to get up at 5 in the morning so she can't stay up. Keven said you get beaten and broken down and you just roll over. Howard asked if he doesn't feel loved. Keven said you're so broken you're just numb. Howard asked what happened to his penis. Keven said he had no more morning erections. He said this is out there about this stuff.
Howard asked how often she's having sex. Maria said that her sex drive has been up for a while now. Keven said she's trying to wake him back up and he's still having issues. Gary said that Maria's parents were in the green room and then they started walking around. He said they might as well have their fingers in their ears.
Howard said that they've been together for 19 years now. Keven asked if she really had sex with someone else before him. Maria said he knows it and he has to stop it. Keven was just kidding around.
Howard said they'll turn off the radio out there. He asked Maria about banging two guys in her life. Howard said he thinks her sex drive is low. Maria said it's back. She said it's not easy to say no to very attractive people who hit on you. She said that she has told Keven that and he's told her to just go. Keven said he hasn't told her that. He said there is a struggle in this business and he has seen it. He said he sometimes feels badly because if she went with an A-lister over him her life would be better. He said that she could have gone off with any of them. He said he has told her to just go. Maria said she wonders if he's fucking crazy. Howard said Keven is such an honest guy. Keven said he feels so guilty. He said she has been terrorized in the business. He said she could be done if she was with an A-lister. Howard said that she really should get rid of Keven. Maria said it's about being with someone you really love. She said they'd be happy together even if they lost everything.
Howard asked Keven for one name that Keven thinks she could have gone off with. Maria said no. Keven said he can't. Keven told Howard to ask names and he'll say. Howard asked about Keven Costner. Keven said he'd be a good one. Howard said that he wants to know a name. Howard asked who Keven has been jealous of. Robin asked if it was that guy on Dancing with the Stars Derek Huff. Howard said that he went back and watched that and the way they were dancing was so close. Howard said she must have been falling for him. Maria said it is a close call. She said you are so intimately involved. She said you can be gay and be with someone straight and be connected with someone on that show.
Howard asked why Maria won't marry Keven. Maria said that she's the one saying they have to do it. She said Keven is the one who wants a big affair. Howard asked if it's true that Vin Diesel came on to her. Maria said he's a good friend. Howard asked if Gerard Butler hit on her. Maria said no. Howard asked if she dated John Legend. Maria said no-wah to that too.
Keven said that it has been so long. Maria told him not to propose. Keven said they were in the back talking about all of this and it's hard to hear her talking about all of this stuff. Keven said that people didn't want them together and it was hard. He said the last 17 years or so has been them fighting together. Keven said that she got a better deal and a better job and it reminds him about how much he really does love her. He said he said it isn't a proposal but it is. He asked Maria to marry him. Maria asked if he's friggin kidding her right now. Maria asked if this is a joke. Keven said it's not a joke. He said this show means so much to them and this is the first show they listened to together.
Keven asked if Maria accepts. She kept asking if he's kidding her. Keven said that he's been working with Beth Stern on the ring. He said he told their publicist and he brought her dad out to tell him last night after he told his mom. Maria said yes of course. She said that she can't believe this is happening. Keven put the ring on her finger. Howard said she should be crying. Robin said she's got tears in her eyes. Keven asked what she thinks of the ring. Maria said she loves it. She said it's amazing. Howard said she's going to be married finally. Maria sad she loves him and gave him a kiss.
Howard said Beth thought the ring was outrageously great. Howard said that she accepted and he has his hot chick. Maria said she was in shock. Howard said it's about fucking time with these two. Howard asked if the dad was happy. Keven said he was.
Howard asked if she wanted to bring her parents in. Maria said of course. Howard had her parents come in. Maria said she loves the ring but she usually hates engagement rings. Howard said he had to bring up the first time she had sex. Howard apologized for that.
Howard said the parents are kissing and hugging Keven and Maria. Howard asked if they're all still living together. Maria's dad said that today is his anniversary. 41 years. Howard said way to steal the moment. Howard said he understands why he hated Keven. He told Mr. Menounos that Keven is a bum and he's not Greek. Howard asked how exciting it is for them. They sounded very happy. Keven said if Beth wasn't doing the Empire State Building thing she was going to be there. Howard said he has been there for the ring thing so he knew about it. Keven said he has never been able to pull anything like this off in the 19 years they've been together.
Howard asked if Keven is worthy of Maria's love. Mrs. Menounos said he is. Howard said he thinks that she should have been with an A-lister. He said if that was the case they'd be in a much nicer house. Keven said they're on a 60 acre estate so they're fine.
Howard asked Mr. Menounos about how Keven asked him about this last night. Mr. Menounos said he didn't ask for his permission but he did ask him to do it a long time ago. Howard said he is having all of the fruits of Maria so he should do this. Mr. Menounos said this is the right way to do it. He said he's gotta get married. Howard said what he's saying is that this Keven takes his daughter upstairs and makes love to her. He said he takes her youth and all of that. Howard said he has to marry her. Howard said he was doing things to Maria that he won't mention in front of Mr. Menounos and his wife. Howard asked how their sex life is. Mr. Menounos said it's excellent. Howard asked how many times a week they have sex. They said it's a secret but they still do it.
Maria said they went to Boston a few weeks ago and they were in adjoining hotel rooms. She said she was taking her makeup off and she hears this screaming and moaning from the other room. Maria said she wondered why they stayed in the rooms next to each other. She said she realized it was the room on the other side. Maria said she brought that up with them the next day and her dad said ''We don't scream!''
Howard said that he has to say that Keven's proposal was much better than Ronnie's. Mr. Menounos said they want grandchildren too. Maria said they're working on it. She said it's not easy. Howard said if he had sex with her she'd be pregnant in one night. Mr. Menounos said they'd have to be married first. Mr. Menounos said they have to be married before having kids. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said that they were called bastards when they did that.
Howard asked if Mr. Menounos ever had a problem getting his wife pregnant. Mr. Menounos said not at all. He said in his town they had a 65 year old guy who had 5 kids.
Keven said he knows that there were concerns about pre-nuptials so he went to the trouble to get them prepared. He said he did that through LegalZoom.com. He said Howard can notarize it. Howard asked what it says. Keven said he gets nothing. He said he has a 1994 dodge van and he gets to keep that. Howard said Keven went to LegalZoom.com and he's showing his love for her saying that he gets nothing if they break up.
Keven said that he's going to find another 19 year old if Maria leaves him. He said he'll build her up from the start. Howard said this document does say he gets nothing. Mrs. Menounos said that's how much he believes in Maria. Howard said he does seem like a good guy. Howard said he's going to sign this document too. Maria signed the document even though she said she's not supposed to sign without her attorney.
Howard said love is in the air. Howard said it is a very nice ring. Howard asked if she will have sex with Keven today. Maria said yes. Howard asked if her parents will witness that. They didn't want to. Mr. Menounos said they're leaving to go back home after this show today.
Howard said he wants to congratulate them on this. Howard said he wants to congratulate Maria on her new book and the engagement. Howard said he has to applaud Keven on his proposal. Robin said he was prepared with the pre-nup too.
Maria said she is so shocked. She said she can't believe he got this past her. She said she is so happy and so moved by this. She said the ring is insanely gorgeous. She said she knows how hard that is to pick something like that. Maria said the fact that Beth helped means a lot to her too. Howard said Keven did all of the hard work. Keven said that his is way out of his wheelhouse.
Howard said he has one last surprise. He said he's bringing in the guy who took her virginity. Maria said she just saw Gary walk in and thought someone was coming in. Howard said this was beautiful. Robin said it might be the most beautiful moment on the show. Maria said that she remembers the first time she was on the show and Keven told her that she'd be on the show some day. She said he's helped her through this entire journey. Howard said she had to say yes or she'd look like shit. Keven said he was afraid she was going to say no.
Keven said he's the bride in this so he wants to have the wedding he wants to have. Maria wanted something small in Greece but he wants something big. Keven said he will be doing a show of his own called The Tomorrow Show and he'll be talking behind her back on that show. Howard said they can have a bachelor party and Mr. Menounos has to come. He said that will be wild. Howard said they can bring him to a strip club. Maria said she actually brought them to a strip club. She said they went to the club and her mother was freaking out. She said her dad took a dollar bill and ran it down the girl's chest and the room went nuts. She said they brought him to the champagne room and she had no idea what it was. She said they were in the room and this woman came over and did a dance and there were some grabbing of breasts too. Howard said Robin is going to dance for him now. Howard said the floor is her's. Mr. Menounos said that's okay.
Howard gave Maria some plugs for her book and said he can't think she's the every girl. Howard asked when she got hot. Mr. Menounos said that her legs were kind of crooked so they had to give her something to fix that. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said they made her beautiful. Howard asked when she stared getting hot. Mr. Menounos said they don't know that. Mrs. Menounos said they didn't pay attention to that. She said men were interested in her from very early on. Mr. Menounos said that a guy came over to take her to prom and he went up and got his shotgun and showed it to him. He said that she had to be home by 11 or he'll shoot him. Howard said she was back at 11. Mr. Menounos said she was.
Howard asked if Keven is going to take the Menounos name. Keven said he's going to do one better and carry the baby. Howard said he really should because he wouldn't want that body ruined. Howard asked if Maria is going to take Keven's last name. Keven said it would be Maria Menounos-Fuckballs. Howard congratulated them again and said Maria is off the market now. Howard said she has to stop fantasizing about other men. Howard said she's done with that. Howard said look what Maria ended up with after all they went through. Mr. Menounos said it's great. Howard said Maria is very lovely. He gave her another plug for her book ''The EveryGirl's Guide to Cooking'' and wrapped up. Keven got in a plug for his show TheTomorrowShow.com. They went to break after that. They played some bits and phony phone calls as they went to break.
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Howard said that everyone is feeling so romantic after that Gary just proposed to Jon Hein. Howard said he really thought she would dump Keven but she kept him around. Howard said Maria is always interviewing big celebrities. Howard said that guys must want to fuck her all the time. Howard said you don't look like that and some scum bag actor comes up and asks you to come on a party yacht. Howard said even B-list celebrities have that going on.
Howard said this girl really could have gone Hollywood. Howard said she kept Keven though. Howard said Keven is such a regular guy he doesn't even know what he does. Howard said he has a podcast or something. Howard said Keven is a great guy. He said he's a regular guy too. Howard said he's not some big star and Maria was dancing with that guy on Dancing with the Stars. He said that she said no to herself. Howard said he admires her. Howard said he admires this girl that she could stay with an ordinary, regular guy. Howard said she wasn't seduced by wealthy men. Howard said even Keven said she should. Howard said Maria says he's her best friend and she's sticking with him.
Howard said there was a behind the scenes thing that went on with this. Howard said Gary told him Maria wanted to come in to promote the book. Howard said a few days after that Keven emailed Beth and he's not sure how he got that email. Howard said he asked Beth to let him know that he wanted to propose on the air. Howard said he was like ''That's great'' and told Beth to write him back and tell him he's all for it. Howard said Beth and Keven started to shop for engagement rings. Howard said they were in communication during that. Howard said as this is going on he's excited about it. Howard said then two weeks ago Ronnie starts proposing to Stephanie. Howard said he was worried that Keven wouldn't want to propose to Maria. Howard said he might have felt it just happened. Howard said he didn't tell anyone this was going down today. Howard said he was waiting for the other shoe to drop but he did it. Howard said he knows Ronnie's annoyed out in the hall. He thinks Keven ripped him off but this was planned for several months. Howard said he didn't rip Ronnie off.
Howard said Ronnie's proposal was so awful. He played a Little Mikey song parody about that. Howard asked where Ronnie is. Howard said he is definitely annoyed but this was planed for months. Ronnie came in and said he's not angry. He said that they love to bust his balls out there. He said he's not angry. Gary said Ronnie usually wants to come in but today he was very angry and didn't want to come in. Howard said Ronnie is irritated. Ronnie said he's not at all. He said he's happy for them. He said Keven came to him asking for a bachelor party. Howard asked if he's going to give him a free party. Ronnie said he's not giving him anything. Howard said he acts like he owns the strip club. Ronnie said he's out.
Shuli came in and said as soon as Keven started to propose Ronnie said ''What the hell?'' Shuli said it wasn't out of happiness. Ronnie told him not to start stupid shit. Howard asked why did he say what the hell? Ronnie said he didn't expect that. Robin said there's nothing he expects on this show. Ronnie said he really isn't annoyed. He said he's making him sound like a total ass. Howard said Shuli saw his reaction.
Howard said Keven came in and showed how to do the proposal thing. Howard said it's like Goofus and Gallant. Howard said he's not sure why Ronnie is yelling if he's not angry. Ronnie said he's doing this to him for no reason. Howard said Keven came in and Ronnie got upset. Ronnie said he had it all set up. Ronnie said his own wasn't set up. Howard said Ronnie was the proposal guy and now Keven is the guy. Howard said he can see why it would be annoying. Ronnie said he wasn't annoyed. Howard said Ronnie never even asked his girlfriend to marry him. Howard said he had to do it for him. Ronnie said his was horrible and the worst in the world. He said she's still happy and he doesn't give a fuck. Howard asked if Ronnie is happy. Ronnie said he's miserable too.
Howard took a call from Ronnie's Cock Ring who said he can tell Ronnie is mad. He said he's got a mood cock ring and he's turning red right now. Howard asked what it's like being on Ronnie's cock. Ronnie said he spits on him before he puts him on. Howard asked if he really does that. Ronnie said no. Shuli said that's a pretty random thing to make up.
Ronnie said that Howard threw out his best cock ring tip. He said it was the one where he sticks it in the ass. Howard said it was boring. Howard said it's so off the wall. Howard said now he has to play it. Howard played the tip and Ronnie gave a tip about how to spit on the cock ring and then put it on the bottom of your cock. Then you stick it in the guy's ass if you're a guy. He said you use the vibrator and you get it on the other guy's balls and blow your load.
In that one Ronnie said ''transenders'' instead of transgender. Howard said he was trying to be funny in that one and it wasn't funny. He said he thinks Ronnie is into guys a little bit. Howard said he's talking about fucking guy's in the ass. Howard said he bets he'd fuck a guy. Ronnie asked how much he's getting paid. Howard asked who he'd fuck in the ass if he was getting paid to do it. Howard asked if it's Tony Stewart. Ronnie's Cock Ring said Wayne Siegel. Ronnie said he really doesn't know. Cock Ring said Ross Zapin. Ronnie said no to that. They threw out a bunch of other names like Jason Statham and people like that. Howard said he once said he'd kiss Jon Hein over Jason. Gary said they were playing a game and he piked Jon over Jason to kiss. Ronnie didn't remember that. Gary had the clip a short time later so Howard played that.
Howard went through some of the other guys there asking who Ronnie would rather make be with. Ronnie ended up picking Fred over Howard. He wasn't sure who to pock out of Richard or Sal. He said maybe Richard. Howard asked about Richard or Fred. Ronnie picked Fred. Howard asked if anyone there is hotter than Fred. Ronnie said it's not about looks. He said it's about passion. He said Jon Hein is very passionate. Gary said that Jon never talks about sex or anything. Ronnie said it's not about that. He said he's just a passionate guy and he's had discussions with him.
Howard said he wishes that Ronnie would be honest about the Keven thing. Ronnie said he wasn't aggravated. He said it may have struck him at the moment but he's not angry. Ronnie said he isn't angry at Keven. Howard said thank you for being honest. Robin said Ronnie is the one who diluted Keven's proposal.
Shuli said at one point Ronnie asked why Keven wasn't yelling and cursing at Maria. Ronnie said this is what he's talking about. He said he's making this shit up. Howard said Shuli is doing his comedy thing.
Howard asked Ronnie about Shuli or Benjy to be with. Ronnie picked Benjy. He said Benjy is unpredictable. He likes that. Howard said that the most passionate person on the show is him. Howard said he throws himself into anything he does. Howard said if he is going to fuck someone for their passion he should be saying him. Howard thanked Shuli for coming in and Ronnie's Cock Ring for calling in. Howard let everyone go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read about the lineup for Dancing with the Stars and she doesn't think Howard is going to be interested in anyone. Howard said Geraldo is on there and he thinks he's coming in to talk about it. Robin read about some of the other people who will be on this season.
Robin read about the Hulk Hogan trial that's going on and how they're playing a lot of stuff from the Howard Stern Show. Howard said there were times when it was just hours of their show being played in court. Robin had some clips of Hulk Hogan talking about being on the show in court. Howard said he will talk about anything sexual himself. He said there's a difference between talking about it and seeing it on a tape. Howard said he can talk about being on a tape all day but seeing that tape is a different story. Robin said she is confused by this whole thing. Robin said she doesn't think she'd feel all that great about someone offering up their wife. Howard said that's not what's on trial there though. Robin asked who we are embarrassed about. Howard said it's all embarrassing. it was a private moment. He gets that. Robin said it's another thing when it's your best friend's wife. Howard said he thinks he was embarrassed being seen fucking by the whole world. Howard said the bottom line is that he wouldn't want to be on tape fucking. Robin said it's good he never went to stay at Bubba's house. Howard said it was a tempting offer to fuck Bubba's wife because she was hot. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the 15 minutes before the news was the best. He said it's so great how pissed Ronnie gets. He said then he goes into Cool Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie still doesn't get the show. He said that's his strength as a performer. Howard said today they found out he wants to fuck just about everyone on the show but Gary and him. Howard asked if Gary is really insulted. Gary said all jokes aside he really is. Gary said he's been into sex more than Jon Hein seems to be. Howard said he thinks that he'd be better getting fucked in the ass than Jon would be. Gary said he thinks so.
Robin read a story about Brian Johnson of AC/DC having some kind of hearing problem. Robin said the doctor recommended not continuing on his tour for fear of losing his hearing. Howard said that he might ignore it and go out deaf. Howard said he might do that for the band. Howard said if it were him he'd quit tomorrow. Robin said he's resting his ears now to hopefully save his hearing. Howard said he's a good guy too. Robin said hearing is important to singing. Howard said it really is.
Robin read a story about Randy Meisner being on a suicide watch after his wife accidentally killed herself. Robin said she was rooting around in a closet when an time fell on a rifle and it blasted her in the head. Howard said he doesn't understand that story. He said a gun can't go off unless someone pulls the trigger. Howard said that's science. He said you can throw a gun and it won't go off. Robin said they say that the rifle was stored in a case and and an item in the case hit the trigger. Howard said he'd like to know what item had the weight to do that. Howard said he can't follow that story. Robin said they know he didn't do anything because they had video in the house or something. Howard said that's some fluke thing.
Robin said that Pam Anderson is suggesting that they only serve vegan meals in jail. Howard said he agrees with her. He said if there are any inmates who are vegan they should be forced to eat meat and the others get vegan meals.
Robin read a story about a study done about racist tweets and how they found that there is racism around the country. Robin read some details about the study and said that women really get blasted too. She said that they found that everyone really hates gays and transsexuals. Howard said he doesn't hate them. Robin said the tweets were off the charts with that stuff. Howard said maybe it's the religion stuff. Howard said he doesn't know why people care. He said he doesn't understand it.
Robin read a story about a gay friendly McDonald's ad in Taiwan got people up in arms. Robin read about what the commercial showed and how it got a lot of religious backlash. Howard said that he likes that ad but he knows the people at McDonald's don't like him.
Howard said this TV station had to apologize for putting up a McDonald's logo on a report about someone named McDonald. Howard played the clip and wondered how they made that mistake. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how many voters don't like the front runners for either of the parties. Robin read the details of that study. Howard said he thinks it's going to be Trump and Clinton. Robin said it could be. She read about where he won last night in the primaries. Howard said early on he said Trump would be the nominee and he was right. Howard said he also said Hillary would be the nominee and he's right.
Robin read a story about Keith Olberman talking about how he's moving out of the building he lives in because he dislikes Donald Trump so much now.
Robin read more about the primaries and what some of the candidates are saying. She had some audio of some of the candidates talking about that. Howard played some audio of Gay Ramone's voicemail message about how he's backing Trump in the election. Howard said Gay Ramone also agrees that asshole is better than pussy. Howard played some audio of Ramone talking about that.
Howard said Alex Jones was talking about Rubio being obsessed with Trump's penis. Howard had a clip of Jones talking about that.
Robin read a story about Mitt Romney getting into it with Donald Trump and there have been a lot of mean tweets about it lately. Robin said Mitt was on Jimmy Kimmel last night to read some of them. Robin had a clip for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about the Wachowski brother Andy who is now Lily Wachowski. Howard said they were talking about that this morning and wondered why he didn't just change his name to Andi from Andy. Robin said that it's Lily and Lana now. Robin said the older sibling came out in 2012 with her gender change. Howard said he's still waiting for them to make a good movie after making The Matrix. Howard said they lost their directing powers.
Robin read a story about a company that wants to send people into space by next year. Howard said that's good because he has a bunch he wants to send up there. Robin said the company was started by Jeff Bezos who started Amazon.com. Robin said they're going to start testing in 2017. Robin said the company is called Blue Origin. Howard said Fred wants to get back to his home planet so he'll be going.
Robin read about North Korea claiming they have miniaturized nukes. Robin read about what they've been saying about that. Robin said they've made claims that weren't true before so hopefully they're lying about this too.
Robin read a story about a company that teaches students and rewards them with grade stars that can be used as currency. Robin said they have real world rewards for something that's like a video game.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Jon said he doesn't think that Howard has seen rent or Hamilton yet. Adam said that Howard did some to see him in Aida with his daughter.
Gary asked Adam what big stars have come to see him on Broadway. Adam rattled off a bunch of names and talked about that for a few minutes.
Jon said that he's glad Adam is there. He said they have to talk about Keven and Maria getting engaged today. Jon said it's another proposal in two weeks. Gary said Ronnie's proposal made Keven's so much better because it showed how to do it. Jon said they also talked about who Ronnie would want to fuck and he picked him over Gary. Gary was upset by that. They discussed that for a short time. He said they have a poll for that too. Rahsaan said they're asking who you would rather make out or have sex with, Jon or Gary. They went to break a short time later.
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Gary said they've had people come on the show and profess their undying love and a year later they ask them to burn the clip. Jon said Keven was prepared. He said he had the parents, the pre-nup and the ring. Keven said he and Beth went back and forth for months and she told him to delete all of the emails. Keven said that Maria finds out everything and this is the first time he's been able to get anything by her. He said he was afraid she was going to say no. He said she paused today and he was thinking she was balking at it. Jon said she did seem to be wondering if they were really doing it.
Gary said he saw the ring and there was a light inside the box so he knew it wasn't a cheap ring. He said that as son as Maria saw that ring she knew he wasn't joking.
Jon asked if Keven thinks anything will change. Keven said he doesn't think so. He said it will be nice to call her his wife though. He said that he'll do the Greece wedding thing but they have to do something there too. He said Shuli asked why they don't have the Wack Packers in the wedding. He said he thanked him for that idea.
Keven said he didn't know it but his pre-nup may be worthless in California. He said in California it's a 50/50 state. He said that he isn't sure if he can give up the rights or not. They talked about what Keven said earlier about how if something happens he'll just find another 19 year old and start over again.
Gary said the one thing that Keven did that Ronnie didn't do on any level was tell Maria what he means to him. He said Ronnie never said any of those things. Jon said Ronnie is uncomfortable expressing himself. He said if he did that it might have been a disingenuous thing. Adam said there's a way of thinking and a machismo that the generation Ronnie is from has. He said he wouldn't be surprise if Howard's dad was like that toward Howard's mom.
Jon asked Keven if he was impressed with Ronnie's proposal. Keven said he's impressed with anything Ronnie does. He said if Ronnie had gone the other way they would have crushed him too. He said he loves anything Ronnie does. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said they always talk about the A-listers hitting on Maria. Jon said that he has to be kind of upset about that. Keven said you have to know what you're getting into. He said a hot girl is going to get hit on every day. He said she's hot and famous. He said he can either have a nervous breakdown or not. He chooses not to. He said if she wants to go then go. He said he's not going to worry about it. He said in his 20s he would have been neurotic. Gary said there has to be a level of trust there and they have it. He said that Maria is a good girl. He said that he had to make his peace with it and he did.
Jon said Maria seemed so happy and thrilled. He said she's always in a good mood there. Keven said she loves being there and at the WWE. He said she feels like they're her families. He said especially this show. He said that she's with Scott Greenstein right now but she loves being up there with them.
Gary said he loves Maria's father too. He said that he tells a story about taking that prom date and showing him his rifle. He said Howard asked if he was afraid of being arrested for that and he looked at him like ''For what?'' Keven said Costas lives with them for 8 months a year and he's just dying to shoot someone so he invites the stalkers to come. He said he laughs when he hears that.
Gary said Costas told him that his grandfather married a 32 year old woman when he was in his 90s. Keven said that he was trying to have a kid too. He said he lived to like 106 and the lady died like 2 years after him. He said that's how in love with him she was.
Jon asked if Keven about how it went with Maria's family. Keven said they were disowned. He said they stayed in a basement with a friend who just died a couple of years ago. He said that he told Maria that he would get them out of that and he'd make her one of the biggest stars out there. He said he told her that all would be forgiven. He said he told her that they were fighting for something and her father would see that eventually. Keven said that her dad came to visit one day and he balled, cried and hugged them eventually. He said he wouldn't have it any other way. He said Costas has been his dad because he doesn't have a dad. Gary said he can see the love. He asked if Costas ever sat him down and apologized. Keven said he did. He said he might just buy you a beer or something but he did it. Keven said part of it was people telling Costas things about him that weren't true.
Maria came in so Jon talked to her for a short time. Adam asked to see her ring. Jon asked if this is how the engagement was supposed to go. Maria said she never really thought about it. Gary said he went big and scored big too. Gary said it's like they gave something back to the show too. Keven said that's why he reached out to Beth about the ring. He said he thinks Howard wasn't just thinking about the show and he was happy for them.
Gary said the publicist called and said they had something to talk about. Gary said they booked them on the show before he called Beth. Keven said that's right. He said the show has been amazing to them. Keven said Gary is the one who brought him on the show. Keven said that he doesn't go with her to all of her appearances. He said he never goes but he just happened to be there with her. He said Gary saw him and asked him to come on the air. Keven said the show has just helped them so much so they're all in to help it out.
Jon said when Keven asked Maria she didn't answer at first. Maria said she was in shock. She said she heard him talking about their lives and she stared welling up. Maria said she thought it was a joke. She was afraid to start crying if he was joking with her. She said that would have been cruel. She said she was just in shock and she felt like she was on drugs. Maria said she was just staring in the mirror and she's still so confused. Maria said that she gets how people can just shock you. She said she had no clue.
Maria said they talk about everything so she never thought that he'd surprise her. She never thought it would be there. She said she thought about it happening on Valentine's day. Keven said his fear was that she was going to ask him.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated them on their engagement. He said no one mentioned that Ronnie never uttered the words ''Will you marry me?'' Gary said that they did point that out to Ronnie and he thinks that he did but maybe not. Jon said it still counts.
Jon asked Maria what she thought about Ronnie's proposal. Maria said she doesn't know. She said typical Ronnie. She said everyone is different.
They spent a few more minutes talking to Maria and Keven about their engagement. Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 55 percent picked Gary over Jon. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They ended the show around 12:15pm.
Jon said they have two guests but one isn't there. One is chef Brian Tsao. Jon said he's busy creating a dish based on Ronnie's proposal. Jon said that their other guest is comedian Paul F. Tompkins. Jon said he wants to talk to him about this Maria Menounos engagement versus Ronnie. He said the Howard Stern Show seems to be the right place to do it. Paul said to do it either way is a huge gamble that no one should take. He said you never know what's going to happen. He said maybe doing it in private is the right way to do it. Jon said he saw a guy propose at a game and they showed it on camera and the girl didn't say anything. He said he thought it was a bit at first but it wasn't. He said it was one of the greatest things he had ever seen.
Rahsaan said he always thought those kind of proposals were fake. Gary said he has a whole other thing about it. He said if you have to make a huge scene out of it then you have other issues. He said that's not what he thinks about Ronnie because he was kind of put on the spot. He said he also doesn't mean that for Keven and Maria because they did it for the show.
Paul said he had a fan ask to do it on his show but he begged him not to and the guy understood. Gary said Keven and Maria seemed to work out well because they're such big fans of the show. Gary said he was reading Jon Cryer's book and he talks about the worst proposal ever where he opened the ring box and the ring was missing.
Jon asked if the guys think that Ronnie was upset about Keven's proposal on the show. They spent a little time going over what they thought about that. They pointed out that Keven had been planning this for months before Ronnie did his proposal. Gary said he'd like to know how long Ronnie was going to hold on to that ring before he proposed. Jon said he could have held on to it until he needed to make up after a fight or something like that. Gary said it's always a good idea to get married after having a fight. Gary said maybe Ronnie could have planned it out better by having her come down to the studio for a game or something. Jon said Ronnie isn't that kind of guy who can express his emotions. He said he doesn't like putting that sappy part of himself out of there. Rahsaan said it was tough for him to put that out there when he proposed. He said he just had to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked about how he proposed to his wife by hiring a plane to tow a banner. He said he invited all sorts of friends to a bar. He said he didn't give a second thought to her saying no. He said it could have turned ugly. Jon said he's glad it didn't. Jon said you have to think going into it you have a good shot. If there is any doubt then maybe you shouldn't do it. Gary said there's always doubt though. He said you always wonder. Paul said he was uncertain until he asked the question. He said she covered her face and cried and eventually said yes. They spent a little more time talking about proposing and then went to break.
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Jon said when Sacha Baron Cohen came in he talked about why he has to stay in character because he thinks he's not a great actor and it helps the performance to do it. Paul said if you have to do a thing that's challenging then maybe it's best to stay in it. He said it's a tricky thing to do accents. Paul gave his thoughts on that for a few minutes.
Jon said Howard is a fan of how Sacha commits to things for a laugh. He said Paul must be able to relate to that. Paul said commitment is a big thing. He said the more you throw yourself into something that's dumb the funnier it is. Gary agreed. Gary said there's a difference between commitment and people breaking down the science of comedy.
Paul said he's opened up for bands before and he knows that those fans don't want your comedy near their music. He said you just grit your teeth and do your act to get through it. They went to break after that.
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Jon said Brian is a big fan of the show. He asked what he thought of Ronnie's proposal. Brian said it was fucking terrible. He said his own wasn't so great either though. He said he was supposed to do it in front of a bunch of people but he saved it to do in private. He said he chickened out at her birthday and he did it at home. He said she didn't answer right away. He said she eventually said yes. He said he just asked her if she wanted to marry him and she sighed. He said that she may have done it out of pity. He said as far as he can tell she's happy with him now.
Gary asked the guys if everybody talked to the dad first. Jon said he did. Paul said he did too. He told a story about how his father in law thought he said he was getting married that weekend.
Jon said his proposal was no big surprise to his father in law. He said it was easier for him. Rahsaan said he asked her dad too and her mom. He said it was awkward but it came out good. Brian said he didn't ask anyone. He said when he met his mother in law she was devastated when she found out he was a chef. He said she realizes that he can do more than cutting chicken now.
Jon asked Gary if he would want to be asked if he had a daughter. Gary said he doesn't know. He said it is an old fashioned thing. He said he didn't ask Mary's dad. He said they're close now but it never even crossed his mind.
Jon said he's thinking about it. He said part of him wants to be asked but part of him doesn't want to be bothered. Gary asked if he would say something if he was bothered by it. Jon said it's up to his daughter so he's not going to stop it from happening. Jon said his daughters are in college and he doesn't even want to know if they're dating.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the results of the poll are. Rahsaan said 57 percent didn't believe Ronnie was angry because he's always upset. They wrapped up the show a short time later. They were done around 11:55am.