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Howard started the show talking about how much has happened since they were last live. He said he learned that Nicole Bass was arrested last week for shoplifting. Robin said ''Oh dear.'' Howard said it was all over the papers. Howard said the crazy thing is that she shoplifted groceries. He said that's sad but he was talking about this with Gary. They said she had $1,000 worth of groceries. Howard said it was almost $1,300 worth of stuff and some was food and some was cosmetics. Howard said that he started thinking about how much food that is.
Fred started doing his Nicole Bass impression. Howard said they say Nicole wheeled out her shopping cart so he wants to talk to her about this. Howard said you can't get $1,100 worth of groceries out in a cart unless she had filet mignon and lobster or something. Howard said he understands they're going to give her a plea bargain. Howard asked Fred, as Nicole, what he put in that cart. ''Nicole'' ran down a list of stuff for him.
Howard asked what made Nicole think she was going to get away with it. Robin said you have to bag stuff. Howard said he doesn't think that Robin can go into a grocery store and find $1,100 worth of stuff. Robin said she knows she can't. Howard and Robin were trying to figure out what she could have had in her cart.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who said that's a lot of groceries. He said he fills up a cart and it's like $150. Robin said you can get up a little higher than that. She said she's had a couple hundred. Howard asked how it can be 1100. He said unless it was a train of carts.
Howard asked Speech Impediment Man who is in his house. Speech Impediment Man said it's the news. He said he's getting ready for work. He said the news is talking about the escaped prisoner they caught. Howard said that guy is in good shape. He said they get to work out in prison and that guy is in good shape. Howard said he wishes they had killed this guy. Robin said they shot the other guy in the head 3 times. Robin told Howard how they caught this guy.
Speech Impediment Man asked Howard what he thinks about them bringing back the death penalty. Howard said he flip flops on this. He said whenever there's doubt it's fucked up. He said that happens a lot evidently. Robin said one of these guys had 25 years to life and the other was life without parole. Howard said the 25 to live is just a technicality. He said that Mark David Chapman has that.
Robin said even the best jail is terrible. Robin said they were in the lowest level of security and they got to wear regular clothing and never had to be in their cell at any particular time and they still wanted to get out. Speech Impediment Man asked how many people were in on this. Robin said they still don't know. Howard said he can't imagine throwing your life away on these guys.
Howard played a clip of Dr. Drew talking about Arnold and how he can imagine what he was saying in therapy and why he would think that his therapist wasn't good for his relationship. Howard said that this is irresponsible to say about Arnold He said that some therapists are so off the wall. He said if you listen to the interview with Arnold then you hear what he was saying. Howard said Arnold said it was his fault and he did something bad. He took responsibility for it. Howard said Arnold said that things got worse in the therapy. He said he wasn't saying anything in detail about what was said. He said that things just got worse. Howard said that not all therapists are good. He said there are a lot of bad ones out there too.
Howard said he got steamed when he saw what some people were saying. Howard said people get so upset that these people don't open up in interviews. Then Arnold comes in and talks about this in an honest manner. He said they took to this like sharks. He said they didn't even listen to the clip. He said they just heard about it. Howard said then they assume they know what happened with Arnold and his therapist. Howard said it's irresponsible to do that.
Howard asked how you have an adult conversation about that stuff if everyone jumps down your throat for being honest.
Howard said he thought about America's Got Talent and he's done 4 seasons and been particularly miserable. Howard said he wasn't having fun working until 1 in the morning. Howard said he loves the people he works with but it was a long and exhausting schedule. He said he cut back the hours at Sirius but then he was working all of these hours at America's Got Talent. He said he felt he had done all he could do there. He said he thought it would be fun to try that job and he did it for four years. He said America's Got Talent people came to him and said they needed an answer by July 4th. Howard said they can do the show $10 million cheaper in L.A. so he's not going to jerk them around. He said he's done and he'll finish out this season and say goodbye. Howard said they have to get other judges or whatever their plans are. Howard said they have been fair with him.
Howard said this was their 10th anniversary season and he wanted to be part of that. He said he'll do the hand off kind of thing. Howard said that he's not negotiating for more money. He said he was paid plenty for what he did. He said he thinks he got paid what he was worth. Robin said that's not generous then. Howard said they were fair then. Howard said he really did get what he wanted. He said they stepped up to the plate. Howard said he doesn't have a bad word to say about the people he worked with. He said it's been very positive.
Howard said it's great to be exposed to a new audience so that's what he was happy about. Howard said it's going to be a great 10th anniversary season. He said he's done with the show and he's not negotiating. Howard said he doesn't operate that way. He doesn't work that way with Sirius either. He said he thinks he has a worth and if the company doesn't want to pay it then he'll say goodbye.
Howard said he thinks that they'll hit 30 million subscribers this year. He said people tell him he's nuts but he doesn't think so. Howard said that Leon Black thought he could do it and they did it.
Howard played a clip of Jimmy Fallon telling a joke about Howard leaving America's Got Talent. Howard thought that was pretty funny.
Howard said that Robin agreed to show her breasts if they get to 30 million subscribers. Robin said she never said she would do that. Howard said he has the tape. Robin said she's not looking for more growth then. Howard said he'll take a peek. Robin said if he loved her he wouldn't look. Howard said he loves her and that's why he is going to look. He said it would actually be like a rape if he did look.
Robin said that she was reading about Nicole Bass in the paper and it sounded like what Fred was saying about it like she was shoving stuff inside her. Robin said that she read an article about how Muscle Milk goes for like 25 bucks. Howard said he really wants to talk to her. Gary told him that he left her a couple of messages.
Howard said that if you're going to shoplift you can't look like Nicole Bass. You're never going to get away with it. Robin said in one article they mentioned that she had a brief stripping career thanks to the Howard Stern Show. Howard said he had nothing to do with that. Howard asked on what planet he did that. He said he wasn't part of that deal.
Howard said the other thing in the news is Gay marriage. Howard said the Supreme Court ruled that it is legal. Howard said that it's so funny to him that people are up in arms about it. Howard said that Mike Huckabee is out there screaming about it. Howard said people are complaining like they're being forced to marry a man. Howard said you can still marry a woman if you want to. He said he doesn't think Mike Huckabee understands this.
Howard said these people say it's the word of god that this isn't right. He said in other people's minds god tells them to kill the infidels. He said that they're not fine with that.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who brought up Arnold and how people are just jealous. He said that Howard has the time to do an interview where that stuff can come out. Howard said there are times when they do an interview there and it's all over the news. Then some snarky person will say it's too much information. He said they're reporting about it though. Howard said Arnold was right on point. He said he messed up his marriage and he was at fault and he knew it. Ralph said he loved hearing Arnold talking about his love of Tom Arnold and about his own kids too.
Ralph said that it looks like Dr. Drew has had some work done lately too. Robin said she hasn't seen him lately. Howard said it doesn't matter, comment anyway. Robin said she thinks he did then. Robin said she doesn't think it's right when men do that. Robin said Ralph might be right. She saw a picture of him and he looks like a male model.
Howard said he has very deep laugh lines on his own face. He said he's an older guy. Howard said his face ages. He said when he sits next to Howie Mandel he doesn't see that. Howard said he thinks he must get Botox. Ralph said he does look like he may have had a little something done. He said maybe he had good work done that you can't see. Howard said he would never shoot rat poison into his face.
Ralph said he heard about some kind of chemical peel thing. Howard said he just wants to age. He thanked Ralph for the call and let him go.
Howard played a clip of CNN reporting on the flag that was seen in London. Howard said it was clearly made out of dildos. He said it's very clear. Howard played the audio of the reporters talking about the flag they saw there and saying it was a mimic of the ISIS flag. Then they spoke to this guy about it and he was saying that it could have been a parody. The reporter said that maybe it could be. JD said there were butt plugs all over the flag too. Howard said it was gay people saying ''fuck you'' to ISIS. Howard said ISIS is against gay people.
Robin said there's a picture in the paper of Caitlyn Jenner and she's wondering if she's gay or not. Howard said she's transgender. Howard said she's part of the LGBT community.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the TV offers Howard mentioned last week. He asked if it would be HBO or something. Howard said he probably shouldn't have mentioned that. He said he was approached with a couple of ideas last year. He said that he heard from these companies when he said he wasn't going to be on America's Got Talent again. He said he has some meetings coming up. He said he wants more free time so he was wondering why he was talking about doing something else. He said he's just trying to figure out what he's going to do. Howard said he doesn't want to say where it would be.
Howard took a call from Nicole Bass and said he's sorry to hear that things are so bad and she has to shoplift for food. Howard said she sounds depressed too. Howard asked how it's possible to have $1,100 worth of food in a cart. Nicole said she had everything from food to shampoo to laundry detergent. Howard asked how it can be that much though.
Nicole said she eats a lot of protein and she wanted to look good after being on Howard's show last time. She said they told her she was looking good. Nicole said she was trying to get back in the gym and get back to work. She said it all just fell in a hole.
Howard said when someone looks like Nicole they can't shoplift. Howard said she's never going to get away with it. Nicole said they were starting at her anyway so she figured maybe they wouldn't notice. Howard said she doesn't have a very good criminal mind. Howard asked if she had done this before. Nicole said this was her second time and she got caught. Howard said that's amazing. Robin said she can't imagine that. Howard asked if this was the same store. She said it was. Howard said that's amazing.
Nicole said she was asking her friends for help and they were laughing. She said they think she was on the Howard Stern Show and in the WWF and things were going fine. She said no one believed her.
Howard asked her why she doesn't get a regular job. Nicole said she's such an oddity and she wants to capitalize on that. She said she's good at what she does. Howard asked what a good job would be for her. Howard said he doesn't want her stripping. He said he had nothing to do with that. Nicole said she didn't take off all of her clothes. She said that it's not okay to take your top off in America. She said it would be okay in Europe. She said she didn't think it was such a big deal.
Howard asked Nicole what she wants to do. He said if she's in the gym all day she's just going to get more muscles. Howard asked why she doesn't just get a job and work out an hour a day. Nicole said this is something she's good at. Nicole said she asked for help once and Howard made fun of her. Howard said he wants to help. He said that he's only laughing because it doesn't sound like him.
Howard said he hears from so many people asking for help. Nicole said she doesn't know what to do. She said she wouldn't have put herself in this situation if she could help it. Howard said they're saying that she has a plea agreement now. Nicole said that's because she didn't do anything in the past. Howard said they're showing her some mercy. Howard said that's a good thing. Nicole agreed. Robin said maybe someone listening can find something for her to do.
Howard said Nicole needs to learn how to fish. He said maybe that's the answer. Nicole laughed. Howard said they're all thinking about her. He said maybe this will lead to something. Howard said she could be a female bouncer. Nicole said maybe beating the crap out of someone is good job. Howard said she doesn't have to beat the crap out of anyone. Howard said if he finds her a job then she can't say she just wants to work out in the gym. Nicole said she has had bouncer jobs before.
Nicole apologized for making the show look bad. Howard said don't worry about it. He said the show can take it. Howard told Nicole to calm down. Nicole said she is. Robin asked if the boyfriend is still around. Nicole said they broke up. Howard said he was hoping he'd pay the bills. Nicole said they got into an argument and he left. Howard said he had all of that good pussy and he left. Nicole said the family is all embarrassed about her now. She said she's embarrassed too. Howard said she should marry a rich guy. Howard said he should set her up with someone. Robin said Donald Trump is already married. Howard said that would be great.
Howard asked what Nicole is wearing. She said nothing. Howard gave her a cat call. Howard asked what she argued with her boyfriend about. Nicole said they were arguing and he's a big guy. She said she's a big woman. She said his thing was that she wasn't afraid of him and she went nose to nose with him. She said that he split over that. Robin said this sounds like Jurassic World with the two big dinosaurs fighting. Howard said it's like Batman Vs. Superman. Howard asked if you can imagine that fight.
Nicole said that she's not a fighter. She said they made up but he didn't move back in. Then this happened with the shoplifting. Then he left. Robin said next time they get into an argument she should call because they can book that. Fred played some music and some sound effects to make that fight.
Robin asked if here is any chance that they can get back together. Nicole said she doesn't know. She said he's a good man and she cares about him a lot. Howard said he knows that the listeners care about her. Howard said Joey Boots set up a GoFundMe thing for Nicole. He had Joey on the phone. Joey said you can find The Nicole Bass Relief Fund through his Twitter account @JoeyBoots.
Howard said that Joey is suing Whole Foods too. Joey said he is. Howard talked to Joey about that for a second. Joey said he wishes that people would look at this Nicole thing and see that she's in some trouble.
Howard said he has Wayne Siegel From Legend Auto Group who said that he has a job for Nicole. He said that she can be a parts driver for his dealer in Syosset. Nicole said that sounds really good. She said that her car is in the shop right now. Wayne said that it pays real money and she's got the job. Howard said that he would go anywhere for work. He said she can't sit in the city dreaming about shit. Nicole said she's going to talk to Gary and get the number. Howard said she has to seize the job.
Howard put Nicole on hold and did his impression of her for a minute. They still weren't sure what she had in that cart. Howard and Fred did their Nicole voices and talked about that job offer for a short time. Howard said donating money to Nicole isn't really helping. Robin said that doesn't get her out of the hole and it's an endless thing. Fred played the monster movie fight scene audio again and then they went to break.
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Howard said he had his new breakfast this morning. He said he had Siggi's Yogurt and a handful of granola. Howard said he mixed it all together at home. He said that he isn't sure if he can do that every day. Robin said he could get a cooler bag. Howard said he wants that. Howard told Gary to write that down. Howard said he just needs a bag. Mariann said he needs something to keep it cold. Howard asked if there is such a thing as a cool cooler bag. Gary said that it's very small. Howard said he has to go. Mariann said she has a great idea for him. She was going on about something but Howard cut her off and said half the time she doesn't make any sense.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that interview with Schwarzenegger was great. He said he loved hearing about Miley Cyrus. Howard said he's exhausted. He let the caller go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's looking for granola recipes. Howard said he's not looking for recipes. Howard said he just wants to buy a bag of it. Robin said that it's too much prepared food for him.
Robin asked why Howard is changing his diet so much. Howard said that he's changing it so his breakfast is going to be his lunch. He said he was having too much fish. He said that his mercury levels were up. Howard said that he had Eggplant Parmesan last night for dinner. He said that he doesn't eat chicken or anything like that. He said he doesn't eat birds. Howard said his doctor told him to go ahead and have it. Howard said he's just doing his thing and he has it all worked out. He said he wants to know how to transport his yogurt for breakfast. Howard said he was trying to figure out how to get it there and he just ate it instead. Howard said he doesn't trust leaving anything at work. Robin said even if he had his own refrigerator. Howard said even if it was his own. He said he doesn't trust it. Howard said that he has to bring his own food. He said he doesn't want someone's pubes in his mouth.
Howard said it's such a pain in the ass. He said he should be able to get that stuff delivered there but he cant. He said that he knows it's going to be shitty food if he gets it delivered. Robin said he should make his own granola. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said Don Buchwald's wife maker her own. He said she makes it with honey. Howard said he just wants a bag of granola that's low in sugar. Robin said she's sure it's out there somewhere.
Bobo asked if Howard has ever had a one on one conversation with Fred where he called for advice about something that's troubling him. Howard said no. He said Fred does not call him about advice. Fred said he has never bothered Howard because his plate is full. Howard said that's why Fred is his best friend. Fred said Howard is worried about granola and he's not going to pile on that. He said he's being considerate. Fred said he's trying to do no harm. He said that's unlike Bobo. Bobo laughed.
Bobo said that he got a call from the people at General Hospital. He said that he might be on it. He gave Howard some details about the show. Howard said he's wise to Bobo. He said this is why this is his last call to the show. Howard said he realized what a sell out he is. Howard said he had his team call Bobo and pretend that they're from General Hospital. They told him that he has to get 5 mentions in and they'll put him on the show. Howard played a clip of a call they had a woman make to Bobo as a person from General Hospital. The woman said that they know he can get on the Howard Stern Show and if he mentions General Hospital 5 times then they can help him get a job. Bobo said that's as long as Howard picks up but he'll try it.
Howard said Bobo is a punk. Bobo said that they wanted him to do all kinds of things and it wasn't just what he said in that clip. Howard said he sold him out. Bobo said he didn't. Howard said he should have come to him and asked if he can do it. Howard said that was Tammy Pescatelli he was talking to, not General Hospital.
Sal told Howard that they were asking Bobo to do plugs for female products and he didn't want to do that. Howard said Bobo sold him out. He said he's giving them a free commercial for a walk on. Howard said Bobo was going to pull one over on him. Bobo said that Shuli knows what he was doing. He said he was going to call up on the show and do a bit. Howard said he did a sting on him.
Shuli came in and said he talked to Bobo and he didn't know what to do. Howard said Bobo sold him out for a walk on. Howard said Bobo used the show. He said he put the show second and used it for his career. Bobo said no. He said he will take all of this back and he won't do the show if they call him back. Howard said that wasn't General Hospital calling him, that was them. Bobo said he won't ambush Howard. Howard said he just did it. Bobo said he didn't change his topic. Howard said he just said General Hospital 5 times to get an acting part. Bobo said he thought it was a whole bit. He said he was going along with the bit.
Howard said Bobo is like Brian Williams. He can't admit what he just did. Bobo said he will tell the truth. He said when he knew it was a bit. Howard said it was nice speaking to him. He told him not to hand him his bullshit. Bobo said that Shuli knew about it so he knew it was a bit. Howard said he just used the show. Bobo said he's going to kill him. He said he can't handle Howard being angry at him. Howard told him to just admit it then. Bobo admitted that he was looking to get a part. Howard said he used the show. Bobo said he did use it in a way he shouldn't have. Howard said he's no longer a number 1 fan. Bobo said come on. Howard said he has to stop saying he didn't mean to do it. Howard said he stole from the show.
Sal said he wants to take a piss on Bobo's toupee as a punishment. Bobo was silent. Bobo agreed to come in and do it though. Sal said he and Richard are going to piss all over his toupee as he wears it. Howard said he can do that or have Benjy finger him. Bobo said he has kids.
Howard said that he got in the 5 General Hospital in a row. Howard said that Bobo was the first caller on and he knew that he was going to do this. He didn't think it was going to be that rapid fire. Shuli told him to put it in the course of a conversation. That's what he did.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said ''What a dick!'' He said Bobo is such an idiot that he said he has acted. He said he also talks about himself in the third person and that's so douchey. He said Howard should stop taking his calls for a month. He said that's a punishment. Howard said he's right. Ralph said vacation time doesn't count either.
Howard said he has to think about this. Ralph said Bobo is such an idiot. He said that he should have just asked Howard if he can do it. Howard said he has to think about this. He said Bobo has to be off the air for at least 15 shows. Howard said he has to come down hard on him. Bobo said ''Oh man...'' Howard said he has to make sure it doesn't happen again. Robin asked if it's an offense when it's them calling. Howard said it was a sting.
Howard said he thinks that he should be off the air until Labor Day. Bobo said that will kill him. Robin said she thinks it should be 2 weeks. Gary said that they have to make a point and Robin is being way too lenient. Everyone else said that he isn't being punished enough. Robin said maybe she can have him walk naked down the street while she rings a bell and says ''Shame... shame...''
Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he should be off the whole summer and not come back until the week after Labor Day. Robin said that wouldn't be that may shows. Howard asked Shuli what he thinks. Shuli said he thinks that the guy they're punishing is not going to be able to handle this well. Howard said he has to. He said just listen again to what went down. Howard replayed the call they made to Bobo where they asked him to say General Hospital 5 times on the show.
Howard said Bobo is a sell out. He said he sold him out in 2 seconds. Fred said if he was a number one fan he wouldn't do that. Ralph said he wasn't even good at it. Bobo said that he knew it was a bit. Howard said he called Shuli in a panic. Shuli said that he didn't act on Howard TV either. He said he was just on camera while they glued pubes to his face.
Howard said that they have to ban Bobo. Sal said that it should be 15 shows. Ralph said he doesn't do it for anything cool. He said that he did it for General Hospital! The guys said that he's hooked on that show too.
Robin said she doesn't want to see Bobo in pain but she's going to up her time to 3 weeks. Howard said she's like Ruth Ginsberg. Howard said she's taking it easy on Bobo. Howard asked how many weeks Shuli says. Shuli went with 4 weeks or 12 shows. Howard said that's where Ralph is too. Howard said this is shows, not just 4 weeks. He said it's 12 shows from now. Robin said 9 shows. Fred went with 12. Sal said 15. Sal told Bobo that he sold out Howard Stern.
Howard asked Benjy what he says. Benjy said he has to give up the part. Howard said forget it. He said he felt bad that he wasn't included.
Howard said he's going to rule. Howard said he's going to say that he can do 15 shows banned and no pee or 12 shows with pee. Ralph said he has to decide right now. Howard asked Bobo what he says. Bobo said he's going not go with 15 shows. Howard said he will be off for 15 shows. Fred said they'll be in September then. Shuli said they have to keep track and let him know when he can come back. Ralph said that's no guarantee that Howard will pick up on him. Bobo wasn't happy about that either.
Howard said for 15 shows Bobo is banned. He can't call Shuli or Gary. He said he can't call Voicemail or anything. He said it's the phantom zone that he's going into. Robin asked what happens if he calls. Howard said he's given more time. Fred said that he won't be back on until September 21st based on the 15 show thing. Bobo asked if someone calls in impersonating him. Sal said no one is going to impersonate him.
Howard said he could get a reduced sentence if he is on good behavior. Bobo asked who the liaison will be. Howard said it will be Ralph. Howard said he's his probation officer. Ralph said he'll call and let him know when he can call again. Howard said he's doing the worst thing and giving him Ralph.
Howard said after 12 shows he can call in but he may not pick up. He said if he does then his question had better be fantastic. Shuli said he has to check in on the Wack Pack. He asked if he can check in on Bobo. Howard said no.
The guys were wondering if he can go to America's Got Talent. Howard said he can't stop him from doing that. Howard said he can't call other shows on the channels. Bobo said he would never do that. Ralph said he can go to America's Got Talent but he can't say anything to Howard. He said he'll get more days added on.
Howard replayed the clip where Bobo mentioned General Hospital 5 times. Howard said that he's going to make an announcement now. Gary said that was like 20 seconds and he didn't even space out the General Hospital.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she would never do that. She said he called her and told her what was going on. She said that she told him that they were pranking him. She said she told him that if they're not then he should get them in just in case Howard retires.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult who said she would never sell Howard out. Howard said a retarded woman knows better than Bobo. Wendy asked if she can sing a song to Howard. Howard said that she can but then he has to get back to Bobo. Howard asked her how many shows Bobo should be banned. She went with 15. She sang her song about Howard eating his yogurt and Howard hung up. Robin said she should be called Taylor NotSoSwift.
Howard said something horrible happened today. He said that the self proclaimed biggest fan of the show sold out the show without hesitation. Howard said as a result they played the tape. Howard said he sold out the show for General Hospital. Howard said that show is a shitty show, not even a good show. Howard said he was tested and failed the test. Howard said it took Bobo a long time to admit guilt so that's why he's being harsh in his punishment. Howard said Bobo is no longer allowed to call the show for a period of 15 shows. Howard said he can't contact the show at all. He will have time added on if he does call the show. Howard said this will give Bobo time to think about what he has done. Bobo said this is the worst.
Howard said if Bobo doesn't screw up then he will reduce the sentence to 12 shows from 15. Howard said that is some leniency due to his long time association with the show. Howard said after the punishment is over again then he must never refer to himself as the number 1 fan. Sal said he is the number 1 disloyal fan. Bobo asked them not to say that. Howard said Ralph will check in on Bobo to make sure he is complying with everything. Robin said she thinks they will never hear from him again. Howard said they will.
Shuli asked if his sentence can be reduced if he decides to have his wig peed on. Howard said no. Bobo said he's not doing that.
Howard said he's going to give Bobo a chance to speak before they end this. He checked with Gary to figure out when the 15 days would be up. Gary said that the 21st is correct.
Robin said that if Bobo talks to Mariann he can't get her to talk about him on the show. Gary said Bobo will be allowed back on air September 15th. Howard asked if that is 12 days. Gary said that was wrong and it's the 21st. Howard said he fucked up his counting. Howard asked how long 12 shows would be. Gary said that would mean he could be back on September 8th if he does 12 days. They're counting vacation in there. Sal said the first probation meeting would be on the 7th then.
Bobo said he will not call anyone from the show. He said he will only talk to Mariann. Shuli said that Robin mentioned earlier that they could find someone they like better than Bobo. He said that she's right because he's talking to some people who could be new Wack Packers. Bobo didn't seem to like that.
Howard said Bobo can address the listeners and the court right now. He said that he won't be back on the show until September 8th or 21st. Howard said the court is not pleased that they even have to be in session. Howard said he has things to get to. He said this had to be dealt with though. He said Bobo fell for this sting hook, line and sinker. Howard said Bobo sold out the great Howard Stern for General Hospital. Howard asked how he could do that.
Bobo said that this is for all of the fans. He said this is leaving a gaping hole in him. He said that he did fuck up and he admits it. He said he thought this was a prank but he realizes it was wrong. He said he's truly sorry. He said he can't take away the number 1 fan thing. He said he has the longevity. Ralph said that no one says he's the number 1 fan other than Bobo. Bobo said he is the number 1 fan. Bobo said he will be loyal and do his sentence. He told Howard he's sorry for what he did. He said that's what's killing him inside. Robin said that there wasn't a moment's hesitation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to replace Bobo. His name was Jamie. He said he'll write questions down and read them real shitty. Bobo told him to get off the phone. Howard asked if they mind if they call him Bobo. Bobo said they can't do that. Howard told Jamie to call in every day and they'll call him New Bobo. Howard said it's New Bobo from Boston. Bobo said that's not cool. Howard said that Jamie is New Bobo from Boston. Howard said he has to get part of his brain removed. He said he's Bobo 2.0.
Bobo said they can't have someone calling in as him. Howard said they can do that. Ralph said that they can do whatever they want on the show. He said Bobo isn't contributing anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that 15 days is appropriate. He said on the 16th day they should pull the same prank and he's sure that Bobo will fall for it again. Howard said they may test him during the probationary period. Howard said they may make calls like that again. Shuli asked what happens when Ralph gives up. Ralph said he's not giving up. He said that he's writing questions down already.
Howard said with that this is goodbye to Bobo until September 21st. Howard said he can never sell out the show. Bobo said he has to stop saying that. Howard said he will have many major announcements this summer. He said that he won't be able to comment. Bobo asked if this is called even now. Howard said he can't say that until he pays his debt. Bobo asked if he'll take his calls after that. Howard said he will but it's not guaranteed.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's so happy to hear that he's banned. She said she's rejoicing. She thanked Bobo for fucking up.
Howard said everyone is celebrating on social media. Sal said Bobo broke the internet. Shuli said ticker tape parades are going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo can't get all Xanaxed up like he did around the Birthday Bash. Howard said they do have some big things planned this summer and Bobo won't be involved. Howard said that Bobo has to understand that this gives him no pleasure. Howard said he has committed a terrible crime though. Howard said what hurts him is that he turned to Gary and said the sad thing is that Bobo went through with it. He was hoping he wouldn't. Shuli said he's like Fredo in The Godfather. Howard said he's right. Howard said he could have been a Howard Stern Show hero. Sal said the truth is that he's just a scum bag. Bobo said come on. Howard said the children must learn that you must be a square deal. Robin said you have to be a straight shooter.
Howard let Bobo say a few more words. Bobo said he's very sorry. He said it's going to be a tough summer for him. Howard said he'll come back stronger for it. Bobo said he's going to take notes while he's off. Sal said he's going to need a lot of notebooks. He said he's going to need a new toupee too.
Bobo said he'll be up in New York at the end of July and he was thinking that he could be up there to do something to get him off of this sentence. Ralph said that's not going to happen. Howard said Ralph is going to make sure he's never on the show again. Howard said good luck to Bobo and said he hopes he can get through it. Ralph said they shouldn't have any Bobo at all on the channels during the summer. Howard asked Bobo how he's going to get through this. Bobo said it's going to be torture. Shuli asked what hurts more the calling or the loss of number 1 fan. Bobo said he admires Howard so much and this is killing him.
Howard asked why General Hospital? He said that he sold him out for General Hospital. Bobo said he thought it would be cool. He said even his wife said he didn't want to be on that show. Howard said she was right.
Shuli said that Bobo heard a Baba Booey on General Hospital and that made him nuts thinking that they must know him if they know the Stern Show.
Gary asked Bobo how he doesn't know Kelly Monaco's name. Bobo didn't know how to say it. Bobo said he just watches the show. Howard said her name is Monaco. Bobo got it after that. Howard asked if he will know it in a few minutes. Sal said they'd ask him tomorrow but he won't be allowed to call in.
Howard said he had to make sure that Bobo is 100 percent true to the show and he failed. Bobo said he wasn't in his right mind. Sal asked what mind that is.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that it seems like entrapment for Bobo. She said the best thing would be to ban him indefinitely though. Howard said that the sentence has been given already. Howard had Fred lock it in with the dramatic music. Fred played Bobo out with the song ''See You In September.''
Howard said goodbye to Bobo and said they'll see him in September. Ralph said this is so great. He said good riddance. Ralph said he'll call Bobo when he feels he needs to. He said it may be a couple of weeks.
Howard let Ralph go and then let Bobo go. Bobo said goodbye in a very down beat way. Howard said let that be a warning to a guy like Jeff the Drunk who was on the phone. Jeff said that he has his new iPad. Robin asked how he got that. Jeff said that's thanks to Beezid.com. Howard said they have to throw him in jail now too. Howard said they have the shittiest callers in the world.
Howard said that wasn't easy but they had to do it. Sal said ''Oh Howard, you know what I just heard?'' Howard said ''What?'' Sal said ''Not Bobo.'' They all laughed and then went to break. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard read an article in the NY Post about his quitting America's Got Talent. They were wondering if he's trying to use that as a negotiating ploy. Howard said that they were also talking about how he has more viewers on America's Got Talent than they do at Sirius. Howard said he's not sure how they'd know that.
Howard said that he's not trying to negotiate. He said it wasn't about money. Howard said that they wouldn't have moved the show to New York if they didn't think he was worth it. Howard said he doesn't negotiate like people think he does.
Howard said he has a call where Baba Booey calls and art store. Howard played the call where they take Gary's audio book clips to make him have a conversation with a guy at an art store. They had Gary asking about what a Baba Louie would cost. Then he calls it a Baba Booey. They had him going back and forth with Louie and Booey. The guy eventually hangs up.
Howard said he loves that. He said Sal called an internet radio show and the woman, Donna Corleone, busted him. Howard said she called him out on that black voice he does. Howard played that call and as soon as Sal did the voice the woman called him out on it. She told him that he called at the wrong fucking time. Howard said that's some show.
Howard said they have some audio of that Donna woman talking about how gay people smell like death. Howard played that clip and she said some people have that smell inside of them like they're dying inside. She said many male homosexuals have that stench on them.
Howard said Chris Wilding did a call where he called into a show and instead of ''man hunt'' said ''man cunt.'' He said he says it like 20 times and they don't stop it. Howard played the audio and Chris got that in a bunch of times. The host of the show was asking Chris questions and he just kept using it. Howard asked how many times he said that. Robin said he got one good cunt in there without the man in front of it.
Howard played some anniversary and birthday announcements. He said they used Onya Nees and Lou Bup. Howard played that one and then said that they had another one with names like Rod Licker, Cum Guzzler and Gaping Asshole. Howard said he thinks this was Chris Wilding again. they just said they were German names and it worked. The woman announced those names as if they were real.
Howard played more of Shuli talking to Underdog Lady who was playing Catwoman. She wasn't really doing it though. She was giving advice on getting your pet spayed or neutered. Howard said she really loves Shuli. Shuli said she has a different reaction to him every time he calls. He said he calls her every week.
Howard asked who called Daniel Carver. Shuli said Sal did that one. Howard said that they haven't heard from him much lately. Howard played some of the audio of Daniel talking about how we're going to end up being slaves if we keep giving all of these freedoms to black people. He said he's not sure what they want to overcome.
Howard played another clip of Daniel talking about the President using the N-word on Marc Maron's podcast. Daniel said that they're allowed to use it. He said he uses it too around his family.
Howard said he has some audio of Angry Alice talking about the President using the N-word. Howard played her saying that it's not alright. She said he's acting like one by using the word.
Howard said that Shuli asked Alice about the Confederate flag. Howard asked Robin and Fred if they think she likes that or not. They said she does not. Howard played her talking about how she has one herself. She said it's not racist.
Howard asked if Big Foot is for or against it. Robin said that he may not even know what it is. Robin said she thinks he's into it. Howard played audio of Big Foot talking about how you lose freedom if they take it away. He also said he has probably used the N-word.
Howard asked if Gary the Conqueror is for or against the flag. Robin said she's going to say he's for it. Fred said he doesn't like it. Howard played a clip of Gary being asked if he thinks it should be taken down. Gary said he just wants to watch TV.
Howard played a prank call Richard made to a Tradio show where he said he had a bunch of Confederate flag stuff to get rid of. He ran down a long list of things he had to get rid of. The list went on and on. The host of the show eventually had to break because he had to do news so that ended Richard's call. They went to break after that.
Howard said this guy whose name he doesn't know how to pronounce it. Howard told him to try. Gary said it was Kristaps Porzingis. Howard played audio of the fans booing when they picked him in the draft. Robin said that can't make you feel good. Howard said he thinks that the fans want some kind of superstar. He said this might be a building kind of thing.
Howard had some audio of some fans responding to that pick. The fans were talking about what a joke it is. They were talking about Phil Jackson not knowing anything about coaching. Howard said he must know something.
Howard said Stephen A Smith is a reporter and he came in to give his thoughts on that while he was on vacation. Howard played audio of Smith's comments about how disgusted he is with that choice.
Howard said people are so passionate. Robin asked if Howard can imagine being that upset. Howard said he'll still go to the games and enjoy them. Howard said he has audio of a kid who was pissed off about the pick too. In the clip the kid was screaming and saying ''fuck you'' to Phil Jackson.
Howard said the fans are not happy. Howard said Michael Rapaport went berserk too. He said he is a super big Knick fan. Howard played some audio of Rapaport going nuts about that pick and telling him to get the fuck out of there. Howard said ''Wow!'' after hearing that. Robin said maybe he's the greatest player ever. Howard said based on that reaction he'd say probably not.
Howard said that Phil Jackson isn't a maniac. He said he must know something about this player that makes him think he'd be a good fit with the Knicks. Gary said that the argument is that the kid is a project and in a couple of years he could be great. He said the fans want an impact player immediately. Howard asked who they could have picked that would have been better. Gary and one of the guys in the office were naming some others.
Howard said maybe Phil Jackson saw something in his kid. Howard said that Fred is from Latvia and he's probably the most famous Latvian. Fred said that there was a ballet dancer who was famous. Howard said Fred has to share the limelight with this guy now.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Bobo is breaking out in hives already. She said it's going to be the demise of her. Howard said it's not fair to Mariann. He said that's Bobo's way of getting word to them. Mariann said that they might want to rethink it. Howard said no to that. He said that the sentence has already been handed down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wants to comment on the Bobo thing. He said that Bobo brags about being a teacher but he was a teacher for an idiot class. He said that he's not the number 1 fan. The caller said that he thinks that it would be interesting for Howard to interview Grace Slick. He asked if they'd get her on the show. Howard said he thinks they had her on the show years ago. The caller said he didn't remember that. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard said that he has more tapes to play. He said then they'll get to news. Howard said he has an update on Big Foot. Howard said it's not easy to talk to him on the phone. Howard said it always turns out the phone is upside down. Howard played a call Jon Leiberman made to Big Foot and Big Foot kept saying ''What'' and it turns out his phone was upside down. Howard played a clip of Big Foot talking about how ill he is with his constipation and constant belching and stuff like that. Howard wondered what he's eating.
Howard said Big Foot meets women by bumming cigarettes from them. Howard played a clip where he talked about that with Jon Leiberman. Howard wondered what the origin of ''it is'' is for Big Foot. Howard said they may never find out how that all came about. Howard said he wants Jon Leiberman to investigate. Howard said he'd like him to talk to someone in his family and get that answer.
Howard said that a caller said they have their basketball facts wrong but he wasn't there when he picked up. Howard got back to Big Foot and talked about some of the things he was saying. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dr. Doom was from Latvia and look what kind of trouble he caused for the Fantastic Four. Howard said he's missing Bobo's calls now.
Howard said Paris Hilton was in Egypt and some show pulled a prank on her making her think that her plane was going down. Howard said they had a stunt pilot flying and they wanted to see her reaction to the plane crashing. Howard played the audio of Paris reacting to the terrifying prank. Howard asked what that is. Robin said there was a plane crash at an air show this weekend. Howard played more audio of Paris talking about how she thought she was going to die. She said that's her biggest fear in her life. Howard said she's a good sport. Howard said she should have killed them. Howard said that was way cruel.
Robin asked Howard if he knows how many Jews there are in the world. Howard said he knows it's back to being what they were pre World War II. He said he's going with 10 million. Robin said that she didn't know there were so few in the world. Robin said they say it's 14.2 million in the world. Robin said if you add in people who have one Jewish parent then it goes up to 16.5 million. That's the number that's pre World War II. Robin said there are 7 billion people in the world. Howard said he knows they counted Jason Kaplan as 2 Jews because he's so big. Robin said it's very strange how they've been targeted. Robin said that like 5 million of them live there in New York. Howard said a big percentage of them work there in his office.
Robin read about Bernhard Goetz who is known as Squirrel Man to his neighbors. Howard said he has pet squirrels and it's crazy. Howard said he claims he tames them. Robin said he has a few and one is a 3 legged squirrel. Robin said he wants to keep it but the neighbors say it's against the law. Robin said they say that he is a hoarder too. Robin said they say that he may not be doing that well. Robin said they are looking into it to find out if it's illegal to keep a squirrel. Howard said it's disgusting to keep a rodent in your apartment.
Robin said that they have confirmed that Joni Mitchell has had an aneurysm. Howard said she was so great. Robin said that David Crosby has been talking about what happened to her. Howard said every guy wanted to fuck her back in the day. Howard said she was some performer. Howard said her music was kind of depressing though. He said that women would break up with a guy and listen to her music and they'd be near suicide. They played her version of ''Woodstock''. Howard said now she can't talk. He asked how Crosby Stills and Nash came up with the riff to change this song. Howard said it's amazing. Howard had Fred play their version of the song. He said it's almost a completely different song. Howard wondered if the Latvian guy from the Knicks can play that. Howard said you know who's listening to Joni Mitchell right now? Bobo.
Howard said he was singing last night and he was really good. He said he can't remember what he was singing. He said he was urinating in the bathroom and he broke into song. Howard said he just let it go and didn't hold back. He said he was as good as any singer. Howard said he was as good as Sam Smith. He said he's going to think of what it was and sing it for Robin.
Robin read a story about a lamb that was bread to have the DNA of a Jellyfish that was sold and eaten. Robin said they think it was a deliberate act of the staff in the lab. Howard asked what happens if you eat that. Robin said they say it won't bother you. Robin they say that the lamb had a protein that made some cells glow fluorescent. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Marianne Garvey from the NY Daily News. She said she has a suggestion for a container for him to carry his yogurt in. She said it has everything he needs to carry everything he needs for his yogurt. Howard asked what it's called. She said it's called YO2GO and it's $12.99 on Amazon. Howard said he'll look at it. Howard let Marianne go a short time later. Howard said she always has hot chicks in her column in the Daily News.
Howard said he watched porn last night and he didn't think he was ever going to finish. Howard said that he was watching a teenage girl and she was very thin. He said she went for a massage. He said she lays down naked on the table and the guy is fingering the girl and rubbing her down. Howard said he was working on her like Perez Hilton on Benjy. He said this other woman takes out her boob and the teen is trying to lick her boob. He said there was tons of oil all over and it was great. He said he loved it. Robin asked how he found that. Howard said someone sent him a clip. He didn't want to say who it was.
Howard said Ronnie is a creep. He said he has 3 tips for Independence Day. Howard said his voice is so disgusting. Howard said he didn't understand the sex tip. He said that he knows Ronnie thinks he's great because he was talking about these sex tips at the party. Howard played one tip where Ronnie was whispering like he was in a library. Ronnie said he has a ''cocktail'' where you take a martini glass, put some cranberry juice and some blueberries and you have your girl jerk you off into that glass. Then you can call it the ''red, white and goo.'' Howard said he asked Gary if he writes them himself and he does. Howard asked if that voice is sexy to Robin. Robin said no way. Howard said he's sick hearing him talking about jerking off into a glass. Howard said he has the feeling that he actually does that.
Howard said he has 2 more tips to play. He said that Ronnie must be holding his girlfriend hostage. Howard played another tip where Ronnie suggested taking your cock and put it in a hot dog bun. Then you let your girl eat that hot dog up. Howard said you know these are going to be played at a trial some day.
Howard played the third tip where Ronnie suggests a ''cunt candle'' where you take your girl into the park and put a Roman candle in her cunt. He said she'll cum like the moon every time one goes off. Howard said CNN just announced that Independence day was canceled because of those tips. Howard said that he says some shit that's outrageous. Howard asked if the moon cums. He said he didn't get that. Howard said these are Ronnie's fantasies. Robin said that this is what's going through his head when he's staring out a window. That led to Fred doing his Ronnie voice. Howard got in on that too and made up some more crazy shit that Ronnie might come up with.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked what that whole cum like the moon thing meant. Ronnie said it's white. He also said that they left out an important part of the Roman candle thing. He said you have to make sure you're shaved down. He said that you don't want the bush catching fire. Howard asked if he does any of these things. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He just dreams them up.
Ronnie did his sexy voice for Robin asking her to take that blouse off. Robin laughed and said ''Yeah, right.'' Ronnie said that he'd rub his cock on her. Howard said Ronine's girlfriend gets sympathetic looks when they play these things. Ronnie said they love those tips over there. Howard asked Ronnie if he comes up with new stuff to do when he has sex. Ronnie said he does. Howard asked what kind of stuff he has done. Ronnie said he'd have to think about that. Ronnie said there's this great cock ring that they make that vibrates and you make sure it goes on the chick's clit and it's great. Ronnie told Howard what it looks like and Howard said he had heard of it. He said Trojan makes it. Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie sex talk and goofed around with that for a short time. Howard let Ronnie go and did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Bill Cosby. Robin said the A.P. is trying to unseal some depositions that were filed in a sexual harassment suit against him. Robin said they want to see what he said in deposition. Robin said they say that it would be embarrassing to Cosby if they were to release the material. Robin said they say it has information about his home life and sex life as well as prescription drug use. Robin said the judge never sealed the case so the A.P. is trying to get the material on the Freedom of Information Act.
Robin read about Kate Hudson and her brother Oliver being disowned by their dad. Robin said Bill Hudson is the father of Oliver and Kate and he no longer considers them related to him. Robin said Oliver had posted something on Father's day saying ''Happy Abandonment Day''.
Howard said there's an article about Mariah Carey possibly joining America's Got Talent and they say that Howard Stern would really enjoy it. Howard said they want to tap her just in case Mel B has to take time off. Howard said she's not taking any time off.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about how the shooting in South Carolina has opened our eyes to violence. Howard said he thought that speech was very good. Howard asked if Robin saw it. Robin said she did not. She said she doesn't need to see it. Howard said it was very good and that's all he's saying. He said he just wanted to know if she saw it. Robin said he makes many good speeches.
Howard read some email about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said people were happy about that interview. Howard said he also got a lot of negative feedback about what he said about that Prince album last week. Howard said that people told him that he's out of his mind. Howard said he thought it was fantastic. He said people were telling him that it just wasn't good. Howard said he had a lot of people writing in about how they're for the Confederate flag too. Howard played that Prince ''Batman'' song again. Robin said listen to that.
Howard said that they had someone ask Ronnie to give some Pace Car sex tips. Robin said they have to wait on that since they just played some today.
Howard said someone asked for them to post the audio of his mother singing. Howard said it used to drive him crazy when his mom would sing. Fred played some of Howard's mom singing ''Summertime.''
Robin read a story about the Confederate flag still flying on the State House in South Carolina. Robin said that's even after a woman climbed up and took it down. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if any of the other judges have reached out to him about leaving. Howard said no. Howard said there was some tape of them commenting on it and saying he says that every year. Howard said he doesn't do that. He said this year he wasn't going to do it but NBC was persistent. Howard said they came to him and said they need an answer now. Howard said he told them he's 100 percent sure he's not going back. He said Howie and Mel don't believe it but he's done. Howard said they need time to get venues in Los Angeles. The caller said they really enjoy Howard on the show. Robin asked if Howard will be able to watch it without him on it. Howard said he used to. He said he likes the format of the show.
Howard read more email and someone wrote in about how great he is on America's Got Talent. Howard said some people are happy about his decision to leave. Howard said he really just wanted to do it 1 or 2 seasons. He said he ended up doing it for 4. He said it's enough. Howard said he's done after this season.
The caller asked if he could get an autographed picture. Howard said he hesitates to say this but there will be no autographs of any kind after today. Howard said this with peace and love of course. Howard said that this guy gets one but that's it.
Howard said that he has someone with a diet suggestion. The person suggested making egg salad with hummus instead of mayo. Howard said he hasn't tried that but it might be good. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's not sure why anyone is shocked that he's leaving America's Got Talent. He said it's not a career. He said he's a busy dude with other things to do. Howard said he's going out on top. He said it's the number 1 summer show and he'll be on all summer. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld asked him why he was working so hard about 2 summers ago. Howard said Jerry had enough and walked away from his show. Howard said he bitches about working so much and Jerry told him to stop. Howard said he's a miserable guy and he's trying to minimize his misery. He said he'd like to not be miserable a couple days a week.
Robin read a story about the escapee story and she's sure it'll be a good movie some day. Howard wondered who would be in that. They mentioned Mark Wahlberg as one of the escapees. Howard said he thinks that the cast would be John Goodman as the female guard. He said maybe Bruce Vilanch. Howard said Channing Tatum would be one of the escapees. Howard said maybe Nick Nolte as the guard. Howard said maybe Arnold or Gary Busey. Howard said he needs a role like that. Howard made up some dialog for the movie.
Robin said the escapees were hanging out in some hunting lodges. Robin said the guy who was killed, Matt, seemed to be inebriated when they found him. Robin said the one who survived is in custody. Robin said they found a lot of black pepper and that may have been what they were using to throw off their scent for the dogs. Robin said they did some research. Howard said that they spoiled this for a lot of prisoners. They're cracking down now that these guys escaped.
Howard told Gary to pick up the guy who wanted the autograph. Gary said he thought he was picked up. He said they told one of the guys there to pick up and he didn't. Howard asked why not. Howard said this goes on every day in his life. Howard said that he had to interrupt the show to do that. Howard said Gary still has no answer. Gary said he has to talk to him and he'll talk to Howard after the show. Howard said they have to have a meeting. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody and Howard let it play most of the way through.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about the marriage equality ruling in the supreme court. Howard took a call from Gay Ramone and said they have gay marriage now. Ramone and Howard were wooing a few times. Ramone said without Howard this never would have happened. Howard said there are still people struggling with it. Howard said you'd think that someone said that men have to marry men.
Ramone said he was at the gay pride parade and he thought he saw Fred there. Fred said he's ratting him out. He asked what the fuck he's doing. Howard let Ramone go and got back to news.
Robin had some audio of Ian McKellen commenting on the gay marriage thing. Robin had some quotes from people like George Takei and Ellen DeGeneres too. Robin said there are still voices out there who don't like this. Robin said that they're saying that if court clerks have religious reservations then they don't have to give out the marriage license. Howard said that this is crazy. Robin had audio of Ted Cruz talking about that. Robin had some audio of Mike Huckabee talking about that as well. Howard said that these guys are breaking rules of the bible all the time but they're going to reinforce this one thing. Howard asked who cares if same sex couples want to be happy together and get married. He said it doesn't affect these people who are complaining.
Robin read a story about the primary candidates and how they're doing in the polls.
Robin read a story about pets and kids and how interacting together can be very powerful for kids. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that.
Robin read about the BET awards happening last night. Robin had some details about that. She had some audio of Janet Jackson accepting an award. She mentioned that she was married. Howard said he didn't know she was married. Robin said P.Diddy took a spill at the show. Robin said that he fell into a hole and screwed up as he was presenting an award. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. After that Jon said he thinks he knows where the poll question is going today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Was Bobo's arrest trial legal and just?'' They're doing the poll through Twitter so they were taking votes through there with the hashtag #BoboFreeSummer
Jon said they could hear it pained Howard to do that to Bobo today. Britt said it was shameful for Bobo to do that. Jon said Howard gave the sentence and Ralph will be the probation officer. He said if Bobo has good behavior he'll be allowed back in 12 weeks (shows) instead of 15 weeks (shows). Jon said that it's a tough blow to him. He said he thinks that Bobo deserves it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was entrapment and Bobo was set up. He said that he likes Bobo and this wasn't fair. Jon said Bobo could have called Gary and asked if it was okay to do it. He said if he had done that then he would have been let off the hook. Jon said if someone sets you up there's nothing stopping you from not doing it. He said he had the option to go along with that. He said that you have to resist that temptation. Britt asked if he's a big fan of General Hospital. Jon said he thinks since he moved to Florida he has been watching it a lot. Jon said that you can't cross that line with the show like that. He said the caller may call it entrapment but even if it was that there is nothing stopping Bobo from checking with the show before going along with that. He said he thinks the punishment fits the crime. They went to break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the Bobo ban includes the Wrap Up Show. Jon said it includes the show. Gary said that he can't call any show on the channels at all. Jon said the only contact he can have is when Ralph calls him. The caller said that's the best news and even better than the gay marriage thing.
Jon said Bobo got out those 5 General Hospital mentions very quickly. Jon said it pained Howard to do this. He said he loves Bobo and he likes his dedication. He said it's going to be rough for Bobo. Gary said he'll be fine. He said that he's not going to be too old to play when he comes back.
Britt asked if Bobo thinks what he did was wrong. Gary said he thinks he gets that he did wrong but he may not understand completely.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to say that Bobo got what he deserved but he has an IQ of like 86. He said the punishment is fine but it was rough saying that he'd get more days tacked on if he called. He said if they keep taking on days that's rough. Gary said at the end of the day whose job is it to make sure no more days are tacked on. The caller said Ralph. Gary said that it's really up to Bobo. The caller said he doesn't think Bobo is mentally there though. Gary asked if they could make an argument that their client isn't mentally competent. Jon said he would say sure.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the first thing is that Bobo claiming to be a number 1 fan is wrong. He said that Howard has had staff and fans using his name in the past. He said he should have know that. He said that he's sure that Bobo is going to break the ban and he wonders what the over under is on that. Jon said he's sure that Bobo will let something slide and Ralph will be there to catch him. Gary said he's not sure that Ralph will catch anything. Jon said he thinks he will and they will add days on to his sentence. Jon said he loved it when Fred played ''See You In September'' for Bobo.
Jon took a call from Matthew Berry who isn't a big Bobo fan. Matthew said that America's judge has spoken and spoken wisely. Berry said as someone who has listened to the show as long as Bobo has listened he should have known better. Berry said the show isn't there for you to promote your own stuff. He said you let Howard do that. Gary said Jackie went to a hotel once and he was slipping in the name of the hotel on the show. He said they called him out on that and it turns out Jackie got a free week there. He said it's known that if you plug something that you will pay.
Jon said he gets that Bobo wants to do General Hospital but now he's going to pay the price. Britt said Bobo is alright. He said that he has made him laugh. He said his favorite line of his was ''Bobo's not so stupid.''
Berry said that he's not sure why anyone is surprised because it's not the first time he's tried to sell out the show. He said he sold the tickle chair. Berry said he sold something he got from the show for free for money. Berry said he can't wait to listen to the show for the next 15 days or 15 weeks or whatever it is. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about why he was so harsh on Bobo. Gary said most of the shit he gets are mistakes he's made. He said that what Bobo did was thought out. He said he knew what he was doing. Britt said Gary has never sold out the show. Gary said he's been offered things to sell out the show. He said that he was offered free TVs and Microwaves to have a guy to his wedding and he didn't do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that what's thrilling about the show is that when the fans like something it's great but when they hate something it's even better. He said that's what it is with Bobo. He said when the FBI guys do a sting operation they get them to say something and then bring them to justice. He said that's what he feels like with Bobo. He said that they convinced him to say what they wanted him to say and he just loved it.
Gary said that if you heard the call Bobo did a phone call fro 2 minutes and Bobo agreed to it. It didn't take 14 hours of no-sleep coercion to make it happen.
Gary said they knew the call was made on Friday and the guys in the office all counted the General Hospital mentions. He said that everyone applauded when it happened.
Jon said he thinks that Sal was enjoying it. He said Sal was drilling Bobo with line after line. He said Robin was also showing a little mercy for Bobo. Britt said that Robin is a bleeding heart sometimes. Gary said you never know where she's going to go. Britt asked who came up with the idea. Gary said he's not sure.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if anyone has compassion for Bobo since he's a little slower than the rest of them there. He asked if it's taking advantage of a slow adult. Gary said Bobo is goofed on but he's got a wife and kid and a job. He said he's retired. He said he was smart enough to pull all of that off. Gary said this is a blip on his life. He said he'll be back and he welcomes the day he comes back.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks they should pull a prank and have Howard announce his retirement from Sirius on September 20th, the day before Bobo returns. Gary said that he's not sure they can pull that off now that it's been announced on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said that they never know what will be in Bobo's journals after this time. Gary said that Bobo will be fine. He said he should spend more time with his kid and maybe work out. He said he should use his time productively. Gary wondered if Bobo will relax and not worry about a question to call in with tomorrow. Jon said they do love Bobo even though they can't talk to him for another 15 shows.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the results of the poll are today. Rahsaan said that 87 percent of the votes were for Bobo being guilty as charged. Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and ended the show around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about how he didn't feel like talking today. He said he's going to jump into it anyway. Robin asked if it's something physical. Howard said it's mental. Always mental. He said he's been mental all his life.
Howard said he was watching The Five on FOX last night. He said they got rid of the liberal guy on there. He said his name was Bob Beckel. Howard said Geraldo is sitting in. Howard said Geraldo is the best. He said he should be on permanently. He said he has good opinions and he argues well. He said he mixes it up over there. He said they have to get Greg Gutfeld back on too. Howard said Greg is great.
Howard said the show The Strain is great. He said he saw the first few episodes of the second season and it's even better than last season. He also saw Band of Brothers and that's fantastic. He said that's what people should check out. He said that here is so much shit out there that someone has to wade through it.
Robin said she saw Jason Alexander in Fish in the Dark and he's fantastic in it. She said you laugh even harder. Howard said he likes Jason but it's hard to get him to go to a theater. Robin said he has to. Robin said she just keeps going to see the same play. Howard said he likes Jason. Robin said he's doing a great job.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's glad Bobo is off the show. He said he's the worst caller of all time. He said he is so excited about it. Howard said he has to say that Bobo had to be punished yesterday because he did something wrong. Howard said Bobo thought he was making an agreement with General Hospital to be on the show. He said that he has to say that he got an avalanche of email about Bobo. He said he got a lot of positive feedback about that. Howard read some of those emails where people were thanking him for banning Bobo for 15 shows. Howard said people are saying that he's the worst caller. Howard said someone asked to get Ralph banned for life.
Howard said it was one after another putting down Bobo. Robin asked if anyone felt sorry for him. Shuli came in and said that yesterday was the longest amount of time he's gone without being in contact with him. Shuli said that Bobo isn't responding to anything. He said he's not tweeting or anything. Shuli said he got in contact with Mariann from Brooklyn who said that he's doing okay. He feels that Ralph is monitoring his activity so he's not going to contact anyone. Howard said that's part of the stipulation. Howard said that's good.
Howard said Bobo was disloyal but he is part of the show. Howard said he does not believe that Bobo is the worst caller. Howard said you get people like this caller, Thor, and his phone connection sucks. Howard said Bobo writes down his questions and sounds stiff. He said that he was not punished for the calls. It was about the General Hospital thing. Howard said that they went out on the street and asked people what they think about what he did. People were saying he belongs in hell and things like that. They were obviously responding to something other than a Bobo question.
Howard played a bumper about Bobo not being on the whole summer. He had a song parody from Little Mikey about the Bobo thing too. Howard had a General Hospital promo too about how Bobo will never be on.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Bobo is on suicide watch. Howard said that he is a grown man and he hopes he's dealing with it. Howard said that Bobo should never have cut a side deal with General Hospital. Howard said everyone knows that. The caller asked if other Wack Packers should be tested like that. Howard said they have tested them and they have passed. Shuli said it's like random drug testing. Howard said they've tested many of the Wack Packers. The caller asked if Wendy the Slow Adult is more loyal than Bobo. Howard said yes. He said Bobo got seduced by General Hospital.
Robin said Bobo could say that he's innocent by reason of insanity based on the heat in Florida. Howard said he could have done that. Howard said everything goes kablooey in the summer. He said Wendy the Slow Adult called yesterday and left a message that no one understood. Shuli said she texts and you don't know what she's talking about. He pulled up some of her messages to read to Howard. Howard asked if he heard the Voicemail. Shuli said he did and he didn't understand it.
Shuli asked Wendy when he can contact her. He said she wrote back about how she wasn't available but it was all shorthand. Shuli didn't get it but Howard understood it all. Howard said he gets it.
Howard said he defies you to get this Voicemail. Howard played the clip and Wendy was trying to get something out but she never really said what it was she was upset about. She just gave up and said ''Fuck it!''
Howard said he met with Ralph yesterday and he's Bobo's probation officer. Howard said he has a pad of paper and he wrote down Ralph Cirella, Probation Officer. He said he's really taking this seriously.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said this is going to be the longest summer of her life. She said she told Bobo not to fall for the trap just in case it was a trap with Shuli. She said that he's doing okay. She said that it's going to be a very hard summer. Howard said Ralph thinks he's going to be a big hero if he catches Bobo doing something wrong.
Mariann said that America's Got Talent is on tonight and she'll be tweeting along with it. She said that everyone wants tickets now that he said he's leaving. She said she's going to try to accommodate. Howard said he told NBC that he's leaving and he got a nice note from Paul Telegdy. He said he's sad he's leaving. Howard said he asked to see an advance copy of America's Got Talent this week and he didn't get one for the first time. Mariann said that's crazy. She said Jason Raff had better send one. Howard said out with the old and in with the new. Mariann said that it's not going to be so great when Howard leaves.
Mariann said that they're midway through the year and Howard's contract is done at the end of the year. Howard said good. He let Mariann go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that Bobo is being punished excessively. Howard said that he thinks that what Bobo did was wrong. He said if that kind of stuff is going on then it's like stealing and they can't let it go on like that. The caller said he thinks that 6 days would have been enough. Howard said he's talking sense but he didn't call in during the sentencing. Howard said it has to stand where it is. The caller said he understands.
Shuli said there are rumors online that Howard may cave on this punishment. Howard said that's not going to happen. He said that he's sticking with it. Shuli said he thought he was going to see a video of Bobo crying and staring into the camera before he jumped. Howard said that's not going to happen. Howard thanked Shuli for coming in and said he could go now. Howard said he scared him when he looked up and saw him still in there.
Howard said the boys took clips of him doing his mother's voice and called into an internet radio show. Howard played the prank call they made where Sal calls in and says his mother was having an affair with a friend who is 15 years old. Then he puts his mother on the phone and it's Howard doing his mom's voice talking about the 15 year old. They hang up on him a couple of times but every time they pick up it's Sal playing the clips. After that Howard went to break.
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Howard said this guy drives him crazy. He said Billy Graham's son, Franklin Graham, took over his old man's position on gay marriage and things like that. Howard said this has no impact on anyone's life. He said if your religion is saying they're the devil then just leave them alone. He said no one is forcing you to marry a man. Howard said this guy Franklin Graham wants in on the family business but you know one of these guys is going to fuck it up. Howard said FOX News got a hold of this guy and this gets his blood boiling.
Howard played a clip of Franklin Graham talking about homosexuality being a sin. He said that he doesn't wish ill on them but it's a sin and they're going to end up going to hell. He said he loves them enough to tell them that they need to repent. Howard said that's so insulting. Howard said that he's reading his bible and he believes this gobbledygook. Howard said it's such nonsense to say that he loves them and wants them to repent. Howard said he can't be a rational human being for thinking they'll go to hell for being who they were born to be.
Howard asked if he wants them to marry women when they're really wanting men. Howard said that he has to be after cash to be saying this stuff. Howard said there are kids out there who are being bullied for being gay and they're going to hear this shit and go out and kill themselves. Howard said someone has to stand up to these fucks. Robin said the government has by passing the gay marriage thing. Howard said she's right. Howard said this is a small victory for gay people. He said just give them their dignity. Howard said they've had years of abuse. Howard said that they have to hide in the closet. Robin said they are trying to have loving relationships now.
Howard said marriage is a man made custom. He said somewhere along the line they made up that it had to be a man and a woman. Howard said this guy graham is saying they are sinners. Howard said this guy doesn't know anything other than what he read in the bible. Howard said this guy should go into something other than what his father did. Howard said he sounds like a clone of his daddy. He said it's all bullshit. Howard said he heard this and it got his blood boiling. He said it's such an old fashioned argument. Howard said we don't have to destroy everyone else. Robin said it's a 2000 year old philosophy. Howard said it's a racket.
The caller asked Howard about The Talk always talking about what Howard did interviews on the day after. She wondered if Howard has a problem with that. Howard said he has no problem with that. He said when they first came there they might as well have yelled out the window to do the show. He said now they've got over 25 million subscribers. The caller said it's because Howard is wonderful at what he does. Howard thanked her for that.
Howard said Riley Martin and Jay Thomas have been doing crossovers. Howard said that they have other shows there and they put them back to back to see what would happen. He said it's working. Howard said Riley doesn't sound too good these days. Howard said Jay asked Riley about homosexuality in light of the news. Howard played a clip of Jay talking to Riley about that and Riley basically said that there are different thought factors here. Jay kept interrupting Riley as he was talking about that. Howard laughed and said ''What the fuck?'' Howard said Riley really doesn't sound too good.
Howard said Riley was answering a kid who called his show about the aliens and if they play hockey or other sports. Riley said that they do love sports. He said they love music too. The kid would try to say something and Riley would start talking. Then Riley just stopped talking. Eron was helping Riley out with that and asked Riley if they play hockey. Riley said they like sports. Robin said she thinks Riley has run out of bullshit.
Howard said someone said they were trying to visualize how he does things at his house. Howard played a clip of someone asking him what his set up is over there. Riley told the caller his thoughts on his set up were close when he asked if he lays on his couch in his living room.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he misses Bobo. He said he doesn't know what happened.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to make fun of Bobo over the General Hospital thing. He said that he wanted to talk about gay marriage too. The caller said that the bible is fucked up. Howard cut him off and thanked him for the call. Howard said gay marriage is legal now and that's that. Howard said if the republicans are smart they'll just drop it. He said he can't believe that they're still harping on it. Howard said they sound like idiots. Howard said it's ridiculous that they don't just let it go. Howard said it's silly.
Howard said he has some Baba Booeys at a golf tournament. Howard said one of the announcers gets annoyed when he hears the Baba Booey. He said ''that's real original stuff.'' Howard said he shouldn't take it so seriously. He said that sport is a guy hitting a ball with a stick. Howard said that Baba Booey was a 10. He played another one from the same tournament where a guy gets out another good Baba Booey. Howard said it takes more skill to get in the Baba Booey than it takes to do what those guys are doing. Howard said it's a lot of work. Howard played one more where a guy got in another good ''Baba Booey.''
Howard said he has a clip of this woman Kathy Adams trying to answer a question about the gay marriage thing and she was so worked up that she couldn't even answer. Howard played the clip and the woman was talking about how homosexual acts are not natural. She was being asked if she'll follow the law but she kept referring to the bible instead of answering the guy's questions. Howard said this woman is carrying on and he's not sure why she gives a shit.
Howard said they called Gary the Conqueror about the gay marriage thing and he got so flustered that he just hung up. Howard played the clip and Sal was talking to Gary asking if he was for it or against it. Gary said he's against it. He said he had to go and said goodbye. Howard said Gary seemed to think that he had to marry a man. He said some republicans sounds like they are as smart as Gary when it comes to that. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has this song on his list and plays it all the time. Howard said he likes the Fugees version.
Howard said Amy Schumer is there to promote her movie. Howard said she's all over promoting. Howard said Tan Mom is promoting it for her too. Howard played a clip of her saying ''Hi Amy Shuler.'' Howard said Amy looks great and he asked if she has a stylist now. Amy said oh god yeah. She said she wants to look and feel good but she's not capable of doing that herself. Howard asked how she found this person. Amy said it's two girls. Amy said that one of the women made her feel more comfortable in her own skin.
Howard said he saw the movie. He asked if she's trying to dress outrageously in the movie or is that how she dresses in her normal life. Amy said she wears sweat pants most of the time. She said she'll dress a little nicer when she does stand up. She said in the movie that was the costume designer's decision. Amy said everything was short and it was boobs and all. She said that wasn't her. She said it works for the character though. She said she felt uncomfortable so it worked for the movie.
Howard said the last time he saw Amy she was preparing for the MTV awards. He was out in L.A. working on America's Got Talent. Howard said that Amy was there and so was Beth. Amy said it's so comfortable to sit next to her in a bikini. Howard said Beth will cover up in that bikini. He said he tells her to show that body off but she's very modest. Amy said she wanted to put a burka on her.
Howard said he and Amy had a conversation about how she's on a roll. Howard said her career is taking off and she's very well known. Howard asked if she thinks other comics are going to be pisssed off at her. Howard said it happened to Whitney Cummings. Robin asked if she's losing friends. Amy said she doesn't have friends. She said she actually has a lot of comic friends. She said that you can't change people's opinions about you. She said she put the funniest ones in her movie.
Amy said she has seen it and she has done it when people get famous and she bad mouths them. Amy said her best friends are comics and they've been friends for a long time. She said Rachel Feinstein, Nikki Glaser and people like that. Howard said they put some of them up on HowardStern.com.
Howard said the NY Times said something about Amy recently. Amy said the only reason this movie got made is because Howard put her on the show. She thanked Howard for that. Howard said she's a great guest. Howard said Judd heard her talking about her dad and Multiple Sclerosis. Howard said Amy is getting emotional about this. Howard said he is so happy for her. He said Judd Apatow heard her on the show and heard what a human being she is and now there's a movie made. Howard said he was very excited about this. He said he always hoped he could help someone out. Amy said he's helped millions of people out.
Amy said she has been doing so much press and this is the one place you can be yourself. She said she feels she's in the danger zone of shedding tears. Howard said the NY Times says she's in the run to take Louis C.K. out and replacing him as the direction of comedy. Amy said it's a big compliment. Howard asked if she read that. She said she didn't.
Howard asked Amy if the movie isn't a big hit is she going to be okay. Amy said she will. She said it doesn't matter to her. She said that Trevor Noah said the worst they can do to them is send them back to the clubs. She said it's just so temporary. Amy said they just want to like one comedian at a time but it's a strange idea. She said she's seen the ebb and flow of careers and she knows it won't stay that way.
Howard said Amy is working on another movie. Amy said she and her sister are working on a movie and if FOX makes it she'll star in it.
Howard asked if the movie comes out big then she'll be able to make any movie she wants. Howard said that's the pressure of the movie business. He said that sets up the next picture. Howard said sometimes it's a slow build. Amy said she feels no pressure. Howard said all he's felt his whole life is pressure. Amy said she's not sure that the industry is changing and she's not sure what kind of money it takes to make her viable. Amy said she's asked if she is happy she doesn't have to do TV and stand up. She said she loves TV and stand up. She said she had a great time making this movie too though. She said there's a lot of the movie making thing that's not so fun.
Howard said he loved making his movie. Amy said she enjoyed it but she loves directing and writing too. She said she loves acting too. Amy said she misses theater. She said she likes doing plays start to finish. Howard said maybe she'll do that too. Amy said we'll see.
Howard asked Amy about throwing herself down in front of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian at some awards thing. Amy said she was doing interviews on the red carpet and she felt very out of place there. She said that it was Time's most influential people. She said the energy changed. She said they were right here. She said she loves falling. She said it's the funniest thing. She said she loves to fall on an Airline shuttle. She said that it's hard to do now that she's recognizable. She said that she asked her publicist if she should do it and she knew that she was going to do it already. Amy said she took the power out of that moment and that's why she did it. She said that they were posing and they were short and important and she wanted to break that up. Amy said it wasn't such a big deal to her. She said then her phone died and she got home and had like 80 texts. She said she was trending in Dubai.
Howard said he thought that she did it saying that she doesn't respect them. Amy said that's not what it was. Amy said Kim took a step like she was going to help her but then backed off. Amy said that wasn't to slight them or anything. She said it was just the most ridiculous place to fall.
Howard said Amy has said that Amy has said she hates the meet and greets at events. Amy said these people have bought time with you and it's like being in the red light district. She said that it's creepy and a weird vibe. Howard said they sell these things at Star Trek conventions. Howard asked why she does it. She said she tries to get out of it. She said sometimes you have to do it. She said she likes talking to people but not when they're there because they can afford to buy your time. Howard said he gets that.
Amy said she did a meet and greet with Colin Quinn and Jeff Ross once. She said Bill Burr was late so he came later. Amy said Colin and Jeff talk to everyone. She said she loses all charisma. She said she was complaining to Bill Burr and he told her to just go in and have fun with it. She said that Bill went in and did his thing and the first guy he talked to called him a ''fucking ginger'' and they almost got into a fight over it.
Howard said Amy isn't fucking much from what he heard. Howard said that you'd think that she'd be out fucking a lot. Amy said it's been like a month or two. Robin said it might hurt when she gets back to it. Howard said Amy was dating a pro wrestler. Amy said that he just found her in a hospital when she had food poisoning. Amy said that he stalked her at the hospital. Howard said he can't imagine her with a pro wrestler. Amy said she likes guys who are a little fat and have a baby arm or something like that. Howard said she's never dated a guy like that. She said he's out there somewhere.
Howard said he thought she was on a dating frenzy. Amy said she wasn't. She said guys will do something preposterous and they'll end up breaking up. Howard said in Trainwreck guys will do things wrong when they're fucking her. Amy said she's just not interested in them. She said she has had sex with muscular guys and that doesn't mean the sex is going to be better.
Howard said Amy has gotten laid 4 times in the last 2 years. Howard asked if they did something wrong. Amy said she's the asshole.
Howard asked Amy what it's like when a guy goes down on her and the magic isn't there. Howard asked if she'll just bang the guy and get it out of the way. Amy said she was 18 when she last did that. Amy said she had a guy who had a big dick that she told no because she didn't want to be disfigured. Howard said the big one was the pro hockey player. Amy laughed and said yes. She said that he was very good looking. She said she was shocked that he wanted to fuck her. Howard asked if she'll sleep with a guy on the first date. Amy said she will. Amy said that she just met up with the guy at a bar. She said she had no interest really. She said he was hot and it was late. She knew it was going to be a one nighter.
Howard said he has had one night stands but they're all awkward. Howard said no one has ever told him his dick is too big though. Amy said he has to date a very young Asian woman.
Howard said Amy tells the guy no when she sees how big he is. Amy said he went down on her and then said ''that's crazy'' when she saw his dick. She said it's a problem. Howard said he can't imagine that. Amy said he's doing fine so they don't have to worry about him.
Howard asked Amy about going on Last Comic Standing and coming in fourth place. Howard said it has to be weird going on that show. Amy said she had been doing stand up for like 2 years. She said she didn't think she was going to get anywhere. She said that she wasn't even really a comedian yet. Howard said she had material though. Amy said she had maybe 15 minutes. Howard said that the guy who won that year isn't doing as well as Amy is now. Amy said that's right. She said that it's just about that moment. She said it's like the Bachelor. Howard and Amy talked about last night's Bachelorette for a minute.
Howard asked Amy if ABC asked her to be the next Bachelorette. She said not formally. Howard said that could be the greatest thing ever. Howard said they always get rid of the black guys on the show before the end. Amy said she'd make sure the black guy would go through to the end.
Howard said Amy would not be a good Bachelorette is because she'd try to be funny and she wouldn't be looking for a husband for real. Howard said she'd be goofing on the guy. Amy said that's true. She said if she was on the show she wouldn't be searching for the joke if it was working out with a guy. Howard asked how these guys can take a year off and not work. Amy said they have weird job titles. Howard said that he likes the job title of Entrepreneur.
Howard said Amy has a movie coming out and she has a TV show. Amy said that's on tonight. Howard said she has all of this going on and she watched the Bachelorette last night. Amy said it was her and her sister and they smoked pot and watched the show and made a 2 minute podcast. Howard said he can't believe how close she is with her sister. Howard asked if she is married. Amy said she is and she's there with her. Howard said they write together and it's kind of odd. Amy said it's kind of gross. She said it would make her uncomfortable if she wasn't in it.
Howard asked if the sister is younger. Amy said she is. She said they have a brother too. Howard asked if she has to send her money. Amy said she doesn't have to but she does. She said he doesn't ask for it. She said she just sends it. Howard asked if her dad is still with them. Amy said barely. She said he has MS and maybe some dementia going on. She said her mom is still with them. She said they both remarried and now they're both single again. Amy said she thinks her dad has a crush on her assistant.
Howard said the movie ''Trainwreck'' opens on July 17th. Howard asked if it's tracking well. Amy said it is. She said that she has watched it with an audience. She said that was the most fun she's ever had.
Howard said he wanted to ask her something. He asked if it's true that they asked her to host The Daily Show. Amy said yes. She said that it came out that they had offered it to Amy Poehler and Chris Rock too. She said it came out so she's just copping to it. Howard asked if Amy if it would have been bad for her. Amy said she thinks it would have been bad. Howard asked if she entertained it at all. Amy said she did. She said they believed in her so that meant a lot to her. Howard asked if they contacted her agent and asked her to talk about it. Amy said she thinks they texted her or something. Amy said she hung with Jon Stewart a bit. She said they had pizza and talked about her hosting. She said that she thinks he was there to answer any questions she had. Amy said they had pizza and talked. Howard asked what she asked him. Amy said she asked if it was fun.
Amy said she and Jon don't have free time. Howard said he wants some free time. Amy said she does too. She said she's starting to feel like she's not a human being. Amy said she thought about having her whole family working there and getting paid. She said that Trevor will be so much better at it than she would be. Howard asked if it's hard to say no. Amy said it usually is. She said other comics will do any show for 50 bucks. She said for this it felt like it would be betting against herself. Amy said she wanted to bet on herself that she can do more. Howard said Amy has her own TV show. Amy said now she has her own Podcast, the Chachelorette.
Howard asked Amy about how she got Chris Rock to direct her special. Amy said that Chris, Louis C.K. and Jerry Seinfeld have left the door open to help her. Amy said that Chris told her that he'd help her with her special. She said he's the nicest person. Amy said she got some great notes from him. She said it was about a month of running around with Chris. She said he came on the road with her too. She said he made her a better comic. She said he was going through his divorce at the time so she got him at the right time.
Amy said Chris was giving her notes and she asked him if he'd direct her special. Amy said he said yes and she was jumping up and down. Howard asked if Chris will own part of the special because he's directing. Amy said yes. Howard asked if that's weird for her. Amy said it was very easy to negotiate. She said that he doesn't need the money so it was an easy negotiation.
Howard said that these guys have accepted her in an elite club. Howard said that's great. Amy said she's not really in a club. Howard asked if she went to dinner with Jerry. Amy said no but they do hang out. She said that his wife is a good friend. Howard said she's really arrived.
Howard said Chris Rock put Amy in touch with Madonna. Howard said Madonna says that she'll open up for her on her tour. Howard said that's got to be a weird fucking gig. Amy said it is. Howard said it has to be hard to prepares for that. Amy said that she did the Oddball tour last year and they did some big venues. She said she doesn't think she'll do a good job but it's only 3 dates. Howard asked if Madonna has ever had a comedian open up for her before. Amy said no. She said that Chris Rock was the one who put them in touch. She said she still hasn't spoken to her directly. She said it's so weird. Howard said it's very weird. Amy said she thinks it's going to be a bad set. She said she's going to do everything she can but they're not there for her. She said they are there to see Madonna. Amy said she's going to come in and just take one to the chin every night. She said she'll get to see a Madonna show though. Howard said Gilbert Gottfried told a story about how he opened up for Belinda Carlisle and he got booed within 2 minutes. He said he started yelling out cunt and stuff and it was a disaster. They told him not to do that the next night and he did it anyway.
Howard said Trainwreck is opening up July 17th. Howard said Amy is the star. He said that she falls in love with Bill Hader in the movie. Howard said he's a funny guy. Howard said he loves him. Howard said Amy was discovered there on this show. Amy said it's like they raised her.
Howard asked what it was like making out with Tina Fey. Howard asked if she's had lesbian sex before. Amy said she has not but she would like to. She said she needs to take a month off and just fuck. Howard said that Tina presented her with a Peabody award and she made out with her on stage. Amy said it was a bit but it was such a fun thing. She said she kissed Amber Rose on the MTV awards and they got into it. She said they forgot the camera was there. She said they're friends but it changed the energy of the friendship. Howard asked if she got wet kissing her. Amy said she did. Howard asked if she is bi-sexual. Amy said she's not sure. Amy said her sister is probably throwing up out there. Howard told the guys to bring her in.
Amy's sister Kim came in and said that everyone in the room back there is wondering what's going on with her. She said it's gross. Kim said Amy makes her listen to her stories and she just wants to tap out. Howard said Amy is very graphic too. Kim said that she could process it if it was clinical but it's worse than that. Howard said Kim is writing for her sister and he wondered if she wishes that she could do that. Kim said she doesn't like being on stage. Amy said sometimes she'll bring her on stage and she hates it.
Howard said Kim is a funny person so why not try it. Amy said she's told her to try it. Howard asked if she would make out with her sister for a bit. She said that's gross. Amy said they would end up watching TV and eating pasta. Howard asked Kim what she thought about the Amber Rose thing. Kim said it was a sensual moment. Howard asked why not call her and have sex with her and then have a new aspect to her career. Amy said they are friends and she hopes this doesn't make it awkward. She said she's probably dating someone. Amy said she's not sure she could deal with a vagina even though she has one.
Howard asked Kim why this is so gross. Kim said she doesn't know. She said that she doesn't like seeing her making out with her boyfriends. Howard said he used to see that with his sister. Howard said he'd wonder what he was doing there. Howard asked if it's weird to see her in the movie. Kim said it was weird seeing her shooting it. She said that it was odd seeing her make out with Bill but now that she's seen the movie she's gotten used to it.
Howard asked Kim if she's ever liked any of Amy's boyfriends. Kim said she's liked a couple. Amy said that Kim will go right up to them and tell them that they're not treating her sister right. Amy said that it sucks that she's blind to herself. Howard asked if she gets upset when Kim says something. Amy said she trusts her sister. She said her sister knows. Howard asked if Amy has had sex with a guy who Kim has said was an asshole. Kim said yes. Robin said it's okay to have sex with an asshole.
Howard asked Kim if she's tried to set her up. Amy said she went out with the hockey player because it's one of Kim's favorite players. Howard asked if she could believe how big his penis was. Kim said she has to tap out now. Howard thanked her for coming in. He wrapped up with Amy too. Howard said he's very happy for her and he hopes her movie does well. They went to break after that.
Robin said she doesn't know the songs after that. Howard played some of the real songs and then compared them to High Pitch Eric singing. He said he thought they were the same thing. He played some of the same versions of the song that Eric and Elephant Boy sang. Then he played Jim Breuer singing one of them as Brian Johnson from AC/DC.
Howard said some guy in a wheelchair robbed a Queens bank. Robin said he should be easy to find.
Howard said Memet was talking about fucking like crazy after finding a girl on Tinder. Gary said he's out today. He said he's sick. Howard said that's because he's not getting sleep in that apartment of his. Howard told Gary to let him know when he's in. Gary said hopefully tomorrow.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and said he might have a movie role for him. Howard said Jeff complains when he gets flown out to a gig. He said Jeff is getting special treatment. Howard said he's not a real movie actor. Robin said that the whole office isn't stopping to find him a movie role either. Jeff said he knows that.
Howard said he got a letter from a guy saying he's involved with a small, independent film project and they'd like to give Jeff a role. Jeff said he has to see the script. Howard said the guy says it's not a lot of pay but he would be fed as well. Jeff asked if he's being paid in hamburgers. Howard asked why he cares. Howard said the guy says that he'd like to get in touch with Jeff.
Howard said that Jeff's lump is still on him and he's on the phone. Howard took a call from The Lump and The Lump said he'd take that role for half the price of Jeff. Jeff said he got a gift for The Lump. He said he has a mini iPad. Jeff said they gave him a free iPad and he'll give that to The Lump. Howard said that The Lump isn't that desperate. The Lump said a gift for Jeff would be a personality.
Howard said The Lump is a lump on Jeff's body. The Lump said he was on his neck but he's been moving around. He said that Jeff uses his dead hand to jerk himself off at times to make it seem like someone else is doing it.
Howard wondered what kind of food they'd be feeding Jeff on this movie. Jeff said he wants to know what they're paying. Howard said whatever it is would be more than what he has now. Howard asked if he'd take $100. Jeff said probably not. Robin said they can't get the Avengers people to call. Jeff said they can. Howard said Jeff is a fucking maniac. Howard said he has a loser mentality.
Gary said Shuli has a gig in Albany in July and Jeff was asking if he has any money for him to do anything. The Lump said that the Avengers want Jeff to play Boring Man. Jeff told The Lump to go fuck himself.
Howard said Jeff is delusional. Howard said Jeff says he won't leave his trailer for $100. Jeff said that's not enough money. Howard said they'll feed him as well. Howard asked what his quote is. Jeff said it's more than 100 fucking dollars. Jeff said the last movie he made he got $2,300. Howard said Wow. Jeff said he made a promise to himself that he'd get more money for every film he makes. He said it has to be at least $2,350. Howard said that's very gradual.
The Lump said he hopes that Jeff does something to get himself banned from the show. He asked if he wants points on the back end. Jeff said that's a good idea. Howard said Jeff isn't an actor. Jeff said that movie he did in Chicago was better than anything Eric ever did. Howard said Eric wasn't an actor either. Howard said Jeff just doesn't get it. The Lump said Jeff is just a Brad Shitt. Howard said that Jeff thinks he's the best actor out of all of the actors on the show. Jeff said he's the best worst actor ever.
Howard wrapped up with Jeff. The Lump said that Jeff won't get cast in anything ever. Robin said she hopes that he didn't price himself out of the business. She said that he may have done that by giving his quote and it's not their fault if they don't get anymore calls for him.
Howard let The Lump go and Jeff said ''Fuck you lump.'' Howard told Gary to give the information to that guy about contacting Jeff. Gary said they have to give the information to Shuli because Jeff doesn't have email. Howard said they have to call Jeff themselves. Howard told Gary to give them Jeff's information. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody as they were talking.
Gary said he's working so he's not in the mood to be recorded. Howard said the noise is unbelievable. He said it's constant. Howard played more of the song about Gary's throat clearing. Howard said he's not sure who sang that song but nice job.
Howard played another Baba Booey song parody. Robin said the guys should have recorded Gary secretly. Howard said it would have been great. He said they were going to make a game out of it. Howard said Gary said no way though. Howard said the guys say that Gary is constantly clearing his throat on Wrap Up. He said he has to hit the cough button. Gary said it happens. He asked what he'd like. Howard said he used to be grossed out when he'd do it when he was eating. Gary asked what he'd like him to do about it. Howard said Gary blamed him for it. Gary said he was told to take medication but Howard told him not to. Howard said maybe he should change his diet. Gary said he hardly eats any dairy. Gary said he doesn't drink anything but water. Howard asked if he's running hard. Gary said he does. Howard said that must be it because he had the same problem when he was running hard. Robin said he's not eating a lot of vegetables. Gary said that's true.
Howard said he has Gary's top songs of all time. He played a clip of Sour Shoes doing his Gary voice and singing a few songs.
Howard said there was a theory that it was Jon Hein's jizzum that was stuck in Gary's throat but he doesn't believe that. Howard said that it's such a minor noise but he's listening for it all the time. Howard played a Dueling Phlegm thing with Gary and George Takei clearing their throats.
Howard started singing the play like he thinks it would sound. Howard sang about being Japanese and then the nightmare occurring. Fred had musical type music playing behind him as he sang about George's life. Robin said this is George's most triumphant moment. Howard said he just can't sit through it. He said each hour is precious to him. He said he doesn't like going to plays. Robin said George can't do it without him.
Howard broke into song again and got into the Star Trek years with George. Robin said that he has to sing about William Shatner in there. Howard said he has the actual music from the play. He said he's not that far off. He played some of a song from the musical and said he just can't go. He said he's busy that day, what day is it?
Howard asked what planet everyone is living on. He said this just isn't his thing. He said he'd had enough after Fred played music again and he started to sing.
Mark also told Howard that the Boston zoo is looking to name a baby gorilla. He asked what they could name it. Howard said Baba Booey or something would be great. He said he saw a picture of a restaurant somewhere in Asia and it's called Mama Monkey.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if his sister ever had an issue with anyone he dated. Howard said he doesn't think his sister was that interested in him. He said that his family really didn't interact that much. He said that his sister was living her own life and his parents didn't interact that much. He said that his sister would go off to do her thing in her room with her boyfriend and he'd end up sleeping in his room. Howard said that he had to talk to the guy all night. Howard said he just wanted to go to bed. Howard said his mother would ask what they were doing in there and he'd just get annoyed. Howard said his mother would make him go in and watch TV to spy on them. Howard said he just wanted to be in her good graces or she'd stop talking to him for days. Howard said his sister would make out while he was in there so he just got out.
Howard played a phony phone call where an internet radio show picks up on one of the guys and Richard pretends that he thinks he's still on hold. They hang up on him when he says he's on hold with this boring ass show. They hang up and he calls back and pretends he still can't hear them. Richard is pretending to talk to someone named Jeff about shitting for the past 20 minutes. After that they went to break.
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Howard came back and said that's from the birthday show. Howard said that he saw Obama getting heckled at a speech about the gay marriage thing. Howard played a bit they made using some audio of the real Obama speech and a fake Obama.
Howard played a clip of one of their guys going out and asking about the worst states in the country. Howard took a call from Wolfie after that. Wolfie said he was hoping they could get a Bobo video blog about how he's feeling. Howard said now that he's out they can't get enough of him. Wolfie said maybe it would be online and not on the show.
Wolfie also said he doesn't think Bobo is going to learn from this. Howard said they don't want anyone to learn from this. He said they want them to keep making the same mistakes.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said it's going to be bad for Bobo when he comes back from break. Mariann asked what Howard is going to do if Chris Christie runs for president. Howard said you have to wait to see what everyone is doing. Howard said it's very early in the process. Howard said he sent money to Hillary Clinton's campaign. Howard said people were upset about that. Howard said if Chris gets in office he may be allowed to go to Camp David. Howard said Christie is going to have to appeal to the lunatic fringe. Howard said he doesn't feel that any of these guys believe what they're saying. He said he thinks they're pandering to the party. Mariann said that Chris should go in the opposite direction and he'd win. Howard said call him and maybe he'll talk to her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they talked to Seth MacFarlane a few years ago and he wonders if he listens to the last one to make sure they don't ask the same questions. Howard said they do go through the logs and make sure they don't do that. Robin said they may ask similar questions and get a different take on them.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he feels a man banging another man is normal. Howard said it's as normal as anything else. The caller said that the things Howard says is pretty liberal, left leaning stuff. Howard said he has voted both republican and democrat. The caller said in the last 8 months Howard has dragged the republican party under the bus at every turn possible. Howard said he doesn't love the republican party. The caller said Howard plays the game every day. Howard said he feels when it comes to gay rights and health care and government he's not one of these idiots talking about small government. Howard said he believes in spending responsibly. Howard said that the roads we drive on are built by the government. He said that the infrastructure is starting to fall apart and the government is in charge of that. Howard said the food and drug administration is necessary too. The caller said he understands all of that. Howard said his philosophy is adopted from both parties. The caller said Howard is very left. Howard said it is more to the left. He said he doesn't like the religious right. The caller said no one wants to hear it. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he's doing this for himself and not for this fuck nut.
The caller asked what he thinks about people voting on where they want their tax dollars to go. Howard said that's not good. He said it doesn't work. Howard started to answer him but he got so frustrated that he just told the guy to go fuck himself and said he can't answer all of his questions. Howard said they talk about everything on this show. Howard said that there will never be a Howard and Dean show.
Robin started off asking Howard if Caitlyn Jenner and Kim Kardashian showed up on a red carpet together who would get the most attention. Howard said Caitlyn would. Howard said he heard that Caitlyn is a bitch. He said that people said Bruce was a really nice guy but now that she's a woman she's a diva. Howard said that's what they're saying. Robin had a clip of a commercial for the ESPY awards and they're going to have Caitlyn on the show. Howard said that he used to go on Letterman years ago and he would say that Lesbians and Transgender gets the ratings. He said ABC is really smart to do that. Howard said transgender is big. Howard said this is Bruce Jenner and people are shocked. Howard said he was considered one of the greatest athletes of all time. Howard said he's a 6'2'' tall woman. He said he's got feet the size of Sasquatch. Howard said that they should contact her and say they want to give her an award. He said that he's going to call it the Greatest Woman in the World Award... who used to be a man. Howard came up with some other awards like the Freedom of Courage award and things like that. Robin said they can make it look official. Howard said with their budget, just wait until you see this award. Robin read more about what Caitlyn has been doing lately.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has ever been alone with his iPad and he was jerking off and the cat rubbed on his foot. Howard said that can't happen. He said he's alone when he masturbates. He said he never did it in front of the dog when she was alive. Howard said it's too weird. Howard said dogs look at you and study you. He said he would find it very uncomfortable to do that. The caller asked what you do then. He asked what they do with all of the cat hair. Howard said they have vacuum cleaners. Howard said Beth keeps the litter boxes clean and they vacuum. Howard said there is no smell. The caller said that he has a cat and this cat is always around. He said he loves the cat even though he didn't want to. Robin said he broke him down. Howard said he gave him a heart like the Tin Man. The guy was going to tell a story but Howard cut him off and let him go. Howard said he can tell if a conversation is going nowhere. He said that's why he doesn't socialize.
Robin read a story about Joel Osteen having some trouble on Sunday when he was heckled during services. Robin said that video shows 6 people standing and shouting at him while he was preaching. Robin said the protesters were escorted out. Robin said they were arrested. Robin said she's not sure what they were protesting. Robin had some audio of what happened after they were removed from the church. Howard asked if anyone knows why they were protesting. Howard did a live commercial read while he waited for an answer.
Howard said that he got a note saying that it was the Westboro Baptist Church people protesting. Howard said that he doesn't hate enough apparently. Robin said they called him a liar and said he's not preaching right.
Robin read a story about a list of entertainers who are making the most money. Robin said at the top was Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao. Howard said Benjy was wrong about the Westboro thing. That was from last year. Howard said it was some other church.
Robin read more about the entertainers who are paid the most. Katy Perry was up on the top of the list. Robin said One Direction was there and then Howard Stern was there at $95 million. Howard said he doesn't make that kind of money. He said it shows they have no idea what they're making. Robin said Garth Brooks and Taylor Swift were up there too.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump being dumped by NBC because of comments he's been making about Mexican immigrants. Howard said he's not sure why he's doing this. Robin had a clip of Trump talking about how he loves Mexican people. Then she played a clip of him talking about how these people coming from Mexico are bad people. Robin said he said that they bring drugs, crime and they're rapists. Robin said Trump is making no apologies. Robin said there will be no Miss Universe or Miss USA pageant on NBC. Robin said they've been dumped by Univision as well. Robin said The Apprentice could go on without Trump. Robin said that Trump said that NBC will support a liar in Brian Williams but not a person telling the truth.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who asked if the Trump thing reminded him of his days at NBC when he was fired. Howard said it did not. Howard asked Melrose who he will vote for in the presidential election. Melrose said he likes Dr. Ben Carson. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he's not sure why Trump is running for president. Howard said he's getting a lot of grief for it. He said he's become a target. He said he doesn't know what he's doing.
Robin read a story about some people in Kentucky who are refusing to issue marriage licenses because of the Supreme Court ruling. Robin said that the clerks are defying the ruling by refusing to issue licenses to any couples. Howard said we have laws and if you work there you follow the law. Howard said it's ridiculous.
Robin read a story about terrorists in Tunisia and how they have made some arrests in that case. Robin said that 38 people were killed on a beach there by terrorists. Robin read that ISIS has beheaded two women in Syria. Robin said that this is the first time they have done that to women who were accused of sorcery. Howard said that's some organization. He said it's like caveman days. Robin said they should be like the Amish and give up all modern things.
Howard got in a plug for the upcoming replay of The History of Howard Stern that starts next Monday. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about poultry disease and how researchers are finding a way to make animals resistant to disease. Robin said maybe just stop putting them in giant pens together. Fred played Robin's theme song while she talked about that.
Robin read a story about Greece and the financial problems they're having. Robin said the White House says it's keeping its eye on the situation. Howard said it's mismanagement and it's also depressing. Robin said some conspiracy theorists say that this will eventually happen everywhere. Howard said they need to get some of those survival kits from Glenn Beck.
Robin read a story about Jeb Bush talking about the Confederate flag and how he removed it from the Florida state capital when he was in office.
Robin had some audio of Oren Hatch talking about gay marriage and how he has no problem with homosexuality but he does when it comes to marriage. Howard said you know he's had a problem with it.
Robin read a story about a poll that found that the president's approval rating is up a couple of points to 47 percent.
Robin read a story about a Detroit mother who admits that she killed her two children. Robin said they found the kids in her freezer. Robin said the woman has plead guilty to murdering the kids. Robin had some audio of the mother talking about how she would do it again if she could. She felt they were possessed by demons. Robin said that the mother killed the daughter by punching her and putting a bag over her head and then scalding hot water. Howard said that must be in the name of religion. Robin said of course. Robin said she says that it was an accident when she killed her son. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about online dating. He said he has a date with a girl and he saw pictures on her profile of drowning porn. He said this guy is drowning a girl with his cock in her pussy. He said it's a tumbler page. Howard told the guy to stay away from her. Howard said he might end up dead. Howard said girls who are into that weird porn there's something wrong with them. Howard said steer clear of her. Howard told him to find another girl. Robin said he has a date though. Howard said he has to tell her that he found someone else. Howard told him to give the number to Sal.
Howard took a call from a guy who was all excited to talk to him but Howard got bored and hung up. He took a call from someone else. The caller asked what he thinks he'll be called if he becomes a grandfather. Howard said he was talking about children and your children's children. Howard said he wasn't referring to his kids. The caller asked if they will call Beth ''Grandma.'' Howard said he will be Howard and Beth will be Beth. Howard said he doesn't want to be Grandpa. He said that's just crazy. Howard said if his kids have kids maybe he'll be okay with it. Robin said when her friends become grandparents there is talk about what they will be called. Howard said you let them decide. Howard said there are some people he knows who don't let their grand kids call them grandpa. Howard said he would be excited if he had grand kids. He said he's advised his kids not to rush into anything. He said one of them is getting married though. He didn't say which one. Robin said that's a big deal. She congratulated him. Howard said that's the process of life. Robin said Grandpa isn't that far away then. Howard said he's hoping it'll be a few years. He said he'll let them know when he's ready.
Robin read a story about the escapee who was arrested and hospitalized. Robin said the guy, David Sweat, is talking. Robin said that he has said that the second guard was not involved. Robin said that he's also talking about how they were going to have a getaway car and they were going to escape to Mexico. Howard said they put in a ton of work and they had to fuck this monster woman. Robin said that she looks like Paul Williams. Robin said when she didn't show up the prisoners had to go to plan B. Howard said that they were supposed to kill the woman's husband. Robin said they went to Plan B and tried heading to Canada. Robin said they eventually split up and 5 days later the other guy was shot in the head. Robin said they say that those guys never should have gotten into the honor area of the prison.
Robin read a story about Katy Perry. Robin said she wants to buy an abandoned convent and some people are very upset about that. Robin said that they want it turned into a hotel so they must not know what happens in hotels. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am
Jon said Whitney Cummings went through the knocking down stuff when she had her NBC deal. Jon said that Amy seems to have a good attitude about it all. Kyle said that Whitney Cummings thing was really intense.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll is about today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''What Should Howard Do About Gary's Throat Clearing?'' and the choices are:
Jon asked Gary about the throat clearing thing. Gary said he wasn't as angry as usual today. He said that he isn't sure what else he can do about it. Gary said he does clear his throat a lot but he's not sure what he can do. He said he saw a doctor and he had a wire up his nose and down his throat. He said there's not that much going on. Jon asked if it's nerves. Gary said he's not sure. He said there is medication and there is surgery he could have done but he's not going to do any of that.
Jon asked Kyle what he thinks Howard should do. Kyle said he gets nasal spray that he sprays up his nose every morning. Gary said he's getting a lot of suggestions from people on social media. He said he doesn't drink milk or any dairy. He said he drinks hot water in the morning. He said this is like a 30 year experiment.
Jon said he's not sure what else he can do about this. Gary said that it's a problem for one person. Gary said it's not a problem for him except that it's a problem for Howard. Kyle asked if he has any acid reflux. Gary said no. He said he used to but he got rid of that.
Jon said Gary has a very thick skin but he drew the line at wearing a microphone. Gary said Will asked him if he would wear a microphone and he said no. He said Will said that he had to be a team player. Gary said he told him that he's in the Hall of Fame already. Jon said Howard is in Gary's head so it doesn't matter what he does in this instance. Gary said he's going to continue to weather this. Gary said he didn't get a lot of sleep last night. He said that he could feel it this morning and it was in his head. He said that other people do it and Howard doesn't seem to hear them.
Gary said that he thinks that when he leaves the room to clear his throat they are goofing on him. Jon said they don't do that but they do hear him out there clearing his throat. He said that Howard thinks he hears it even when he can barely hear it. Gary said it was going on today. They went to break after that.
Jon said he wants to talk about Amy Schumer. He said this is the moment for her. He said she's on an ascent to stardom. Jon said that Amy was talking about how she always has stand up to fall back on. Gary said he has found that comedians can be brutal to each other. Kyle said at the Comedy Cellar it can be insane. He said it's not taken personally though. He said that club is a brutal testing ground. He said it's fun though.
Gary said he emceed a show once with 3 female comedians and he was blown away by how mean they were to each other while the other was on stage. Kyle said he doesn't hang with comedians that much. He said there is a competitive nature for sure. Gary said Amy must be getting bombarded by people asking her to help get specials and things like that. Kyle said he's bombarded himself. Jon said the show is doing very well and it's a really hot thing. Jon asked if that wave keeps building and building and are people treating him more nicely now. Kyle said that Paul Giamatti did the show and that opens things up a lot. Gary said the 12 Angry Men bit was so great this season. He said they had so many great people in that sketch.
Jon said Amy has no problem tearing herself apart. Kyle said Gary is the same way. He said it makes him very likeable when he lets people make fun of his throat clearing.
Kyle said the 12 Angry Men thing was something he told Amy not to do. He said no one who watches Comedy Central knows that movie. Kyle said he was glad he was wrong and that Amy didn't listen to him.
Kyle said he thinks Amy is overly harsh on herself. He said other people don't think about what she projects. Gary said it might be her making fun of herself before someone can make fun of her. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said there's a lot going on. He said this all started with Eric the Actor. He said there was a lot of luck involved with that. He said it started with American Dreams. They needed help with their ratings and they thought it would be a funny bit. He said the acting gigs came to them and they'd hear Eric on and think they wanted Eric on their show. Jon said this was when Eric was Eric the Midget. Gary said Eric did a few shows. Then Jeff the Drunk gets on and says he wants to be in the movies. He said no one was as interested in him as they were with Eric. Gary said today he wanted to give Jeff the information. He said that he asked Shuli if Jeff has an email. He said Shuli said he doesn't. Gary said he called Jeff and Jeff called him an asshole when he thought he didn't have email when he actually does. Gary said he got very mad and then he got remorseful. Jon said that's the way Jeff does things all the time. Kyle said he seems to process his emotions immediately. He said he wishes he were like that.
Gary said he gave the information to the movie guy and he has his number and email. Gary said Jeff is going to have to handle it and vet it himself. He said he's not his agent so he doesn't know.
Jon asked if Gary thinks Jeff thinks he's got it in for him. Gary said he thinks he does. Gary said if he really had it in for him he could just pretend he never saw the email. He said he doesn't have it in for Jeff. Gary said he just thinks that Jeff could try a little harder and find a job.
Kyle said that he finds it funny that Jeff asks them to get him on something. He said that's like what his mother does. He said she just asks him to get her into something.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is picking on Gary because Howard is pussy whipped with the cats and all of that. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that's what it is. Gary said he thinks that Howard likes the cats. The caller said he thinks that Howard should stop playing the songs about Robin's cancer too. He said that he seems to like picking on his friends. Jon said he thinks that Robin likes that. She hits back herself. Kyle did his impression of that caller for a few seconds.
Jon said that the new George Takei musical is coming to Broadway. He asked if Howard will find his way to a seat. Gary said he saw the letter he got from George last week. Gary said he saw the commercial fro it and he sent Howard a clip of the play. Gary said Howard isn't a fan of musicals. He said it hits all of the touchstones that Howard doesn't like. He said that it's depressing and Howard just doesn't like to go out.
Kyle said he thinks Howard cold write a musical in a couple of hours. He said he would guess that Howard will end up going. Gary said George asked him to come and he said he'd get him in and out at a certain time and he'd be home at a time that could work for him. Gary said he thinks as they get closer it might happen. Gary said he would tell Howard to go just for the material he'd come back with.
Gary said George doesn't want Howard there for promotion. He wants him there because he's the reason that it exists. Jon said he thinks Howard will go. Kyle did his George Takei voice. Jon said everyone loves doing that voice. Kyle said it's not great but it is fun.
Jon said he can't wait for the play to hit the stage. He said he thinks that they'll all be there for support.
Jon asked Rahsaan what the results of the poll are. Rahsaan said that 74 percent had Gary's back and said that Howard should leave him alone.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and for next Monday's The History of Howard Stern. Jon said that runs for two weeks. Jon gave Kyle a plug too. They were done around 11:35am.
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Howard started the show talking about the opening song and how he thinks he could have done better. Robin said she thinks that's not going to happen. Howard said Rob Zombie doesn't want to do it again.
Howard said he was talking to his boys about JD and what a man he's becoming. Howard said Jason had some party and he thinks Robin was there. Robin said she didn't know about that one. Howard said he doesn't think they were told out of respect. Howard said JD was there with his girlfriend and they say he's very demonstrative now. He was kissing and hugging. Howard said he's a different JD now. Howard said he was playing beer pong or whatever it's called. Howard said JD likes something to do at the party so he doesn't have to talk.
JD came in and Howard said he heard the girlfriend is really cute. Howard said she's brought out the JD personality. Howard said it sounds like he's in love. JD said he thinks so. Howard said he also heard that she's really into him and was fixing his hair and telling him he looks good. Howard said she says that he has a great ass too. Howard said that's pretty awesome. JD said it's great. He said it's nice to be wanted.
Howard said JD is going on vacation. He said he got a note from him about that. Howard said JD told him that everything is under control but he's going to New Orleans. Howard said he wondered what was going on down there. He said the girlfriend wants him to go there on vacation. Howard said he's becoming a real person. Howard asked what the plan is. JD said she loves the food and things down there. He said she wants to see different buildings and stuff. He said she's been there a few times. JD said they were going there or to Montana or somewhere like that. He said he'd rather be there than Montana. Howard asked if he's going to be able to take the heat. JD said he'll be carrying a towel with him. He said that he's got to be able to wipe the sweat off.
Howard asked JD how it's going to work. He said there will be bills to pay. JD said he's going to pick up most of it. Howard said they're not wealthy people so how will that work. JD said she likes to be very independent so she likes to pay for her own stuff. He said that she bought her own plane ticket. Howard asked if they're going to go Dutch. JD said he'll end up picking up the tab most of the time. Howard and Fred did their JD voices and goofed on him a little bit.
Howard said this happened with Fred. He said he was a country bumpkin and he met his wife and she really changed him. Howard said it made him happy. Howard said he has a daughter and an apartment and a house now. Howard said he was going out to the theater and all of this stuff. Howard said JD is like the second birth of Fred. Howard said it takes a woman. Fred said it takes a great woman to make a better man. Fred said he's happy for JD. He said this will make him blossom like he never thought.
Howard said one of the things they're known for in New Orleans is crawfish. JD said he doesn't like shell stuff. He said he may try it though.
Howard said Michael Cain wants to give JD some dating advice. Howard picked up on the impersonator who said he wanted to commend JD on his performance. He said he hopes JD comes into port and they can share some oysters. Howard said he hopes they can do that. Howard said JD has hung out with Ryan Phillippe. Michael said that it sounds like JD's girlfriend is a great actor being able to hug and kiss JD. He said he hopes he can give her some personal lessons himself. Howard let Michael go after that.
Howard asked if JD is going to be happy or will he want to be home playing Xbox. JD said he's going to try to make her happy but he's not much of a vacation guy. Howard told him to try to stay hot for her. Howard told him to go back and watch TV now.
Howard said he heard something funny about JD. He heard he won't go to the new Chinese restaurant there in the building because the menu is too confusing. JD said he went down there and it wasn't a buffet type of thing. He said it was disorganized a bit. He said he only had a little time to get lunch and he didn't stick around.
Gary came in and said the place he gets Chinese from is one of those fast food places. He said people are saying that he may not know what Chinese food is because he usually points to bins. He said now he has to look at a menu and he's confused by it. JD said he can do that. He said he got flustered once and that was it. Howard said the kitchen was in the back and that freaked him out. JD said he didn't know what was going on. He said he didn't want to hold up the line so he left.
Howard said he really wants to understand this. Howard asked how the menu worked. JD said he didn't see anything in the back. Howard said he's like a caveman ordering his food. Howard asked how they explain to the customers what's in there. JD said he doesn't know. He said he got a menu and knew what some of the stuff was. He said when he got there the first time he didn't know how to order. He didn't want to be the guy holding stuff up. Howard said he's not sure what's so confusing.
JD said that there was a place that he went to that has probably been shut down. He said he ordered noodles and rice and two things of chicken. He said he thought this place might be like that. He said it looked great at the time. He said they did have tables and chairs.
Howard said Gay Ramone thinks JD is hot. Howard picked up on Ramone. Ramone said he had the hots for JD back in SuperTwink. He said look what he turned out to be. Robin said he turned out to be rougher. Howard said just imagine if he was with him. Ramone said just imagine what he'd be doing now. JD said he'd be working.
Howard said JD likes his food pre-made. JD said he gets flustered easily. He said he didn't stick around. He said that he just leaves. JD said there's another restaurant that looks confusing so he doesn't go there either. JD said Chipotle is the most he can handle.
Howard said he also heard that JD talks to Jason's dog in a baby voice. JD said he does go up high with his voice. Howard asked why he does that. JD said that's how you talk to a small dog. Howard let JD go after that. Howard said he heard the girlfriend loved that baby voice too. Robin said she's really into him.
Robin said that little girl who tap danced and sang was great too. Robin said she liked how she didn't know who the Spice Girls were. Howard said 90 percent of him busting Mel B's balls is about the Spice Girls. Howard said whenever something would go bad he'd ask ''Were you in the Spice Girls movie?''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked where he sees the human race in 100 years. Howard said he's very pessimistic. He said that his wife has to hear him talking about that kind of stuff. Howard said he talks about death too. He said he's consumed with death. Howard said he asks what the point is. Howard said he asks where Bianca is and he wonders what the point is. Howard said that we amass wisdom and that's it. Howard said we're just ants in an ant hill. He said there's no point to life. Howard said sometimes he'll be taking a shower and he thinks about how he's an animal. He said he has to do that because his ass smells like a cat or a dog. Howard said it's sickening. Howard said we have to have sex to make a baby. He said it's crazy.
Howard said in 100 years we may not even be around. He said we will have more pollution and he thinks that humanity is going to keep fighting with each other. Howard said that we are the virus for this planet and the planet is going to die because of us.
Howard said that show Under the Dome has gotten really weird. He said they had better get their shit together.
Howard said the earth will either produce a virus that will wipe us out or the earth will belch and swallow us. Howard said we are herpes to the earth. He said people are ridiculed when they say we're damaging this planet. He said Al Gore is trying to warn people and people ridicule him. Howard said it's a disaster. Howard said this guy asked about it so that's why he's talking about it. Howard said he tells you in all sincerity that we had better wake up. He said a lot of our problems are man made. Howard said we have to stop with all of these babies we're making. He said we have to stop it. He said we need more abortion.
Robin said she thinks that fertility is going down. Howard said we're flying through space right now. He said it's crazy what we're doing. He said we're on a ball flying through eternity. Howard said nothing is holding us. He said we're on the scariest ride of all. He said it's an insane asylum flying through the sky. Howard said he wakes up in a sweat. He said we're a ball of confusion. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he thinks about his wife a lot. He said she's on his mind. Howard said that's love. He said he doesn't get aroused by Heidi. He said he thinks of her like a sister. Robin said she's heard that Heidi loves Howard. Howard said he's heard those reports too. Howard said sometimes he catches her gazing at him. He said she's either in love or she's gazing at him like he's a monster.
Howard said he has some Wack Pack confusion. He said they had Gary the Conqueror and Big Foot on the phone. Howard said they told Big Foot and Gary they were getting free radios and then they had them talk to one another. In the clip Sal had Gary on the line and told him to talk to Customer Service which was Big Foot. Gary gets on the line with Big Foot and Big Foot gets confused thinking he's getting a free radio. Gary thinks he's getting free service and gives Big Foot the serial number. They got back and forth not knowing what's going on.
Howard said that it's going to be the 4th of July soon so Happy Independence Day. Fred played a clip of Ronnie talking about the ''Red, white and goo.''
Howard said High Pitch Eric will be in there later. Howard said that they asked him about independence day and he has no idea what it's about. Howard played a clip of Eric talking about July 4th and he gets everything wrong. He said that it was about George Washington discovering horses or something like that. He also had the civil war thrown in there. He said that we celebrate America that happened in 1976. He said he thinks it was North Korea and America that fought in the war. Howard said he thinks Sal is his tutor.
Howard took a call from Fake Charlie Sheen who said that this planet is going to hell. He went off on that for a minute.
Howard said that the Wack Pack did the National Anthem together again. Howard said they had High Pitch Eric, Mick the Nerd, Beetlejuice, Evil Dave and Asian Pete in it. Howard played the song after naming everyone in it.
Howard said he likes when Dave sings ''star spaniel banner.'' Howard said Eric sounded like the smartest one in there. Howard said it was great hearing Beetlejuice in there. Howard said no Elephant Boy though. He said Asian Pete got in there with that sound.
Howard said Sour Shoes did the National Anthem as Mad Dog, Scott Ferrall, Artie and Baba Booey. Howard played the song and Sour did a great job as usual with the voices. Howard said when he has Gary clear his throat it's the greatest.
Howard said this guy Matt Jacobs does a great High Pitch Eric impression. Howard said that he does a great Jon Leiberman too. Howard said he has the Eric thing down. Howard played the clip of Matt doing both Jon Leiberman and High Pitch Eric. Howard played that and Matt really does sound like High Pitch Eric.
Howard said that's amazing. Robin said it's incredible. Howard said High Pitch Eric will be in there in a few minutes. He said he has to know what's going on with him. He said he's fatter than ever. He said the guys think he'll tip over 400 pounds today. Howard said they had him in the green room yesterday and the guys mic'd him while he was eating. Howard said Eric goes in there and thinks it's a buffet. He said they have a refrigerator with all kinds of stuff and Eric just goes through it and grabs every fucking thing. Howard said first he's eating cookies. Howard played that clip and then had him eating yogurt. Howard said Eric wrote Gary from the green room saying it was really good. Howard said then he starts moaning. Howard played each clip. Eric moaned when he reached over from pain. Robin said he can't help himself. Howard said he told Gary not to put food in the green room. He said you take one of two things but Eric takes it all. Eric asked Joey to carry food for him in another clip. Howard said it's like he died and went to heaven. Howard said Eric is over 400 pounds. He said it's hard to stop someone from trying to kill themselves with food.
Howard said Brandi Glanville will be in today. Howard said that it's fascinating to him that she got fired from that show she was on.
Howard said there's a type on the show. He said that there is a blonde trainer guy who looks insane. He said he's beet red and he's almost retarded. He said he doesn't get that there are other guys involved in the show. Howard said he looks like a crazy person. Howard said she keeps bringing him back week after week.
Robin asked why she feels she has to tell them all. Howard said she's stupid. He said she's not that bright. He said she's a hair dresser.
Howard said he has Arnold Schwarzenegger on the phone. He picked up on the phony Arnold who said he doesn't get why all of these men are watching The Bachelorette. He said they should be at the gym oiling other men. Wheels said that they should be banging the maid. Phony Arnold said that he should beat Wheels. He said Wheels can't bench 350 like him. Wheels asked to get Jeff's lump on the line so at least someone funny is on. Howard let phony Arnold go after that.
Wheels asked why NBC fired Trump. He said he thought we had freedom of speech. Robin said we do but people can bail when they want. Howard said he asked Trump why he's running and he didn't really get an answer. Howard said you know you're going to have this kind of stuff happen when you run. Wheels said that COPS is off the air because every arrest was a Mexican. He said they couldn't even say it anymore. He said he's with Trump on all of that.
Howard said that David Spade's movie Joe Dirt 2 is coming soon and they have a clip up on HowardStern.com from the movie. He said they also have Royal Blood's Little Monster available from the web site. Howard said that's free for the fans. Howard played some of the song which was a live version from a concert they did. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he was hearing High Pitch Eric stories. He said he didn't know they were playing music. Howard said they think High Pitch Eric is going to tip 400 pounds today. Howard said Joey Boots is coming in as well. He said Jon Leiberman will be in too because he is involved in his life too.
Howard said Joey Boots is fat but he's skinny compared to Eric. Howard said that Eric used to be able to run. Howard said he's bigger than ever. Howard said Joey looks like a skinny girl next to High Pitch Eric. Howard said he has to get Jon Leiberman in there too. Howard said he knows Joey likes High Pitch Eric but he's going to die. Joey said he tells him that all the time. He said Eric doesn't understand it.
Howard asked Eric if he understands the concept of death. Eric said he does. He said it's when you die and get buried or cremated. Howard said you don't exist anymore. Joey said Eric doesn't think it's going to happen to him. Howard said the scale is trembling thinking he's going to stand on it.
Jon Leiberman came in and said after 10 last night Eric consumed over 4000 calories. He said he had a can of Pringles, chicken and rice, two beef patties, a number of cokes... Howard asked how much he ate yesterday. Jon said he figured about 6-7000 calories.
Howard said Eric had at least 5 sodas in the green room yesterday. Eric had two in his hands as they were speaking. Joey said he'll sit down and drink a 2 liter bottle in one sitting. Howard said he has to be near 400 pounds. Eric said he's not. Jon said he was down to 330 about 6 months ago. Howard asked Eric if he eats too much. Eric said he does. He said it's hard to stop.
Robin asked why he doesn't go to sleep at 10. Eric said Facebook is addictive. Jon said he's been napping for 6-7 hours a day too. He said that's why he can't sleep. Joey said that nap is his sleep.
Howard said he's reading about Eric's life and he has at least 7 doctor appointments a week. Howard said the government is paying for all of them too. Jon said they pay for the trip there too. Howard said Eric gets physical therapy, a shrink appointment and more. He asked what the shrink says. Eric said he told him he can't stop eating. He said he told him to try to stop eating so much food. Eric said he told him that he has to stop eating too because he's worried about him too. He said the shrink is fat too. He can't even get on Joey's podcast (Podtrash.com) because he has so many appointments.
Jon said that Eric had to have a bunch of lesions burned off his back. He said that Joey Boots has to apply cream to his back. Howard asked Joey how he does that. Joey said it's disgusting but he wears a glove. He said he has a lot of hair and marks on his back. Howard said that it's not a sexual thing, right. Joey said he's not attracted to Eric at all. He said that would turn him straight. He said Eric has giant balls. He said he saw them hanging there. He said that they're huge. He said he has no dick but giant balls. He said it's like two punching bags next to each other.
Howard asked Jon what's going on with Eric's ass that he has to put cream in there. Jon said they thought he had hemorrhoids. He said the cream kind of headed that off. Joey said he had an applicator that he had to use. He said he had to hold his nose when he did it. Joey said he had a bandana over his face to cover it up. Joey said that Eric is very hairy back there and he had dingle berries. Howard said he must not be able to reach back there. Jon said they had to cram into a small space to do it and they weren't able to close the door. People passing by could see it.
Howard said Eric is living the life or Riley. He said he is unhealthy but he has video games going on and he can sleep all day. He said he has doctor appointments and all of that. Eric said his back is in pain. Joey said people order food for him and have it delivered because he's on the show. Eric said they get them pizza and things like that.
Jon said that Shuli found out that he was asking for multiple people to buy a fouton for him. He said he got it yesterday. Howard said that's unbelievable.
Howard asked if Eric can't go in the sun because he has rashes on his arms and legs. Eric said he does. Howard said that's from being obese. Howard said he could put a stop to that if he lost some weight. Joey said if they both lost weight 90 percent of their medical problems would be gone. Howard said Joey doesn't look bad at all. He said he's not a bad looking dude. Joey said he wants to live. He said he's down to about 300 pounds.
Howard asked Eric what he ate in the green room today. Eric said nothing. Joey said he was looking for candy bars today but they took them out.
Jon had Eric tell Howard what he ate yesterday. Eric said he had 2 pieces of toast with butter in the morning. Then around 6 last night he had 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He claims he slept during the afternoon. Eric said around 9 he had chicken over rice, two beef patties and that's it. Jon asked about the Pringles. Eric said that was in the afternoon. It was two canisters. He had candy bars too. Howard said it's like busting a liar. Eric had to be reminded that he ate all of this stuff. Jon said the reality is that he had plenty of food between breakfast and dinner.
Howard said Eric is getting so gross that he's losing his hearing. He said they had to blow the ear wax out of his ear. Eric said they said they had tons of it. He said it hurt like crazy.
Howard said he has Jeff the Drunk's lump on the phone. The Lump said that this is foul and he's happy to be on Jeff.
Howard had phony Arnold on the phone too. Arnold said that he's disgusted hearing about Eric. He said he has to work out. He said that Eric is about 150 percent body fat. Arnold said this would never happen in California.
Howard said the doctor blew out the ear wax. Howard said Gary went in and talked to Eric in the green room and he was whispering to him and he heard it all. Jon said that they did remove the wax. He said they say that he has a history of ear issues. He said they say that he denied dizziness. He said that in some hearing tests his hearing was no good in the right ear but it was fine on some tests. He said they have recommended a hearing aid in the right ear.
Howard said he wants to weigh Eric. Joey said he'll bet him that he's just under 400. Howard said Joey doesn't have a dime so no bets. Robin said she'll take the bet. Howard told Eric to get on the scale. Howard said he thinks he's near 400. Joey said he's saying 392. Eric got on and it shot up to 404 pounds. Joey owes 10 bucks to Robin.
Howard said Eric is smiling. Howard said he broke the 400. Howard said he's on the road to 500. Eric said he has to lose weight. Joey said that he has a gym membership and he won't use it. He said he gets so much for free and doesn't take advantage of it.
Howard had Ralph on the phone and he said it sounds like they might be getting rid of Eric after getting rid of Bobo. Howard said they did a sting on Bobo and he was banned from the show. Howard said Eric did something worse. Howard said they tested Eric and he failed. Howard said now he has to go to Howard Stern court.
The guys asked Eric if he knows what he did. Eric thought it was taking the candy bars from the green room. He took 3 sodas and 6 or 7 candy bars. Eric said he took 3 in Sal's office. Howard said that wasn't the sting.
Howard had the audio of what Eric did wrong. Howard said they caught him red handed. Eric didn't know what he did. Howard said a few days ago they caught him doing something. Joey knew what it was. Eric didn't know what he did so he guessed at it and mentioned something about yogurt or using the bathroom. Eric didn't know what they were talking about. Howard said he knows what he did wrong. Eric asked if he did something to Sal or Richard. Howard said no. Eric asked if he said something. Howard said he did criminal activity. Eric said he didn't.
Howard said what they did was test Eric out by putting a $20 bill on the couch. He said Will came in and asked if anyone saw his 20 and Eric kept it. Eric said ''Ohh...'' Howard said here's the clip. He played the audio of Joey telling Eric that there was a 20 on the couch and Eric grabbed it and put it in his pocket. Then they talk for a few seconds. Then Will comes in and asks if they saw a 20 anywhere. He said he dropped it somewhere. Eric just ignores it and doesn't give back the 20. He offered Will his credit card.
Howard asked Eric what was going through his mind. Eric said he didn't know it was a joke. Howard said it wasn't a joke. Eric said he thought he lost the money. Joey said he asked Eric before they went up there if he had money and he had nothing. Eric said he'll go to the bank and pay him back. Joey asked what he's supposed to do. Eric said he's sorry for taking the money. He said he's sorry to Will. Jon asked if he knew the 20 wasn't his.
Howard played another tape and Eric was talking to Joey about ''finding'' the 20 bucks on the couch. Eric said they found it and he thought it was his. Joey said he thought he said he had no money. Eric said he still has it. He said he'd give it back to him on Wednesday. Gary said he gave him every opportunity. Joey said they went into a Bodega and bought a bottle of soda with that 20. Howard said he stole from Will. Eric said he is his brother. Joey said Will even put his initials on the money. Howard said Eric knew what he was talking about. Eric had to know. Eric said he knew. Robin said he wasn't going to confess. Jon said Eric wants to be a detective and he can't be that way. Eric said that he caught him red handed.
Howard said they have the video of him stealing it on HowardStern.com. Howard said he has to send Eric to court. Eric asked him not to. Jon said that Eric saw a crime happening in his neighborhood and he did nothing about it. Eric said there was a delivery guy from the diner in there. He said he chained his bike to a pole and two kids stole a tire from the bike and he called the police for the guy. Jon said Eric didn't even say anything to the kids. Joey said Eric told him he didn't do anything because they were black. Eric said he didn't have his cane so he wasn't able to do anything anyway. Robin said she can't fault him for that.
Howard said this Will thing is rough. Howard said Will may have to put his balls in his mouth. Robin said he hasn't eaten anything so he may eat them.
Eric asked Howard not to do anything to him. Howard said he has to do something to punish him. Joey said he's supposed to be in the squad room on Blue Bloods this season too. Howard said he may have to call Donnie Wahlberg about that. Eric asked him not to. Howard asked if he went to the New Kids on the Block concert. Eric said he did and Donnie hugged him and got his sweat all over him. He said he didn't shower for 2 days after that.
Jon said that Eric did something after that concert. He jerked off thinking about Donnie. Joey said he doesn't think he's gay. He said that he just wants affection from anyone. Eric said he went to a grand opening of a Wahlbergers and he had like 20 burgers that night. He said Donnie really likes him.
Howard said they have to punish Eric somehow. He said they have video of him taking the 20. Gary said he'd like to be a witness for the prosecution. Gary said this isn't the first time he's taken stuff from people. Gary said Eric has written a bad check and he got a free cell phone claiming he worked for the show. He said the worst part is that they have a coffee maker there and Eric called the company and claimed that he has a company named High Pitch Eric Productions and never paid for his coffee machine. Robin said she doesn't know what they're going to do with him. Howard said maybe Will can show some mercy on him. Eric said he loves Will. Howard said he does not.
Will Murray came in and said he thought Eric would give the money back. He said he's been really nice to him over the years. Howard said he thought Eric was going to break down and give him the money but he never did. Howard said Eric did nothing. Will said he was being really nice to him but never gave him the money. Howard asked if he felt guilty at all. Eric said he did. Will said he's bummed out that he'd steal from a friend. Eric apologized and said he didn't know he was set up. They played the Game of Thrones ''Shame'' clip that they've been playing lately. Will said what upset him was that Eric knew it was his money. He said he thought he'd pay him back today.
Howard asked if the real Donnie Wahlberg is on the phone. It wasn't really him so Howard hung up just seconds after picking up.
Will said that he's really bummed about this. Eric said he never did anything wrong to him. Will said he just stole 20 bucks from him. Joey was hoping that he'd have to walk around with a sandwich board saying he just stole 20 bucks. Will said he thinks he should have to be cut off from Donnie for a while. Eric asked them not to do that to him. Howard asked if Eric would blow Will. Eric asked for how long. Will said until he cums. Eric asked if he could put chocolate on it. Will said this somehow became his punishment.
Howard said they have to cut Eric off from Donnie for a while. Eric said he'll do the chocolate on his thing. Howard said Will doesn't really want that. He said he's a married man. Eric said maybe he'll lick his feet. Howard said he thinks the proper thing would be to have Eric lose contact with Donnie for a month. Will said maybe they can have him call Donnie and tell him that he stole money so he can't talk to him for a month. Howard said Eric has to avoid Donnie for a month. He said he can't go on their show or anything. Eric said they're going to have him on Blue Bloods this summer. Howard said he has to take him off there. Eric said that's going to be hard. Howard said that's what happens.
Jon said he can't follow him on Twitter and he can't DM him on Twitter. He said he can't form a fake Twitter account to reach out to him. Howard said Eric stole from a cancer survivor. Eric said he'll pay him back. Will said he's missing the point. He said he thought he was his friend. Eric said he can pay him back. Joey said they'd cut his hand off for doing that in the Middle East.
Eric said he doesn't want to be punished. He said he knew he was wrong. He said he was caught and he wants to pay him back. Howard said he has to pay him back and stay away from Donnie. Howard said he's going to call Donnie and cancel that Blue Bloods thing. Eric said he can't stop thinking about Donnie. He said he looks at his Twitter every night. Howard asked if he masturbates to it. Eric said he does. Jon said he also watches his program on Netflix and then masturbates again. Howard said that's gay. He said Joey is saying it's not gay. Joey said it is gay but not on his level of gay.
Jon said Eric didn't wash his clothes the night he was at the New Kids concert. Howard said he can still jerk off to Donnie. He said he can't stop that. Howard said he's going to get in touch with Donnie. Eric asked for another punishment. Howard said he has to do something meaningful so he won't steal again. Joey said he should have to walk down the street there wearing the sandwich board. Eric said he didn't want to do it in his underwear though. Howard said Robin has to help. Robin said the Donnie thing is the way to go.
Robin said he can't contact Donnie for a month. She said that he has to lose the role. Howard said that is a light sentence. Fred said he committed a crime. Jon asked what happens if he violates the ban. Howard said he's cut off completely. Joey said that charges have been dropped because he's dull in the past. Fred said that's why he gets away with it. Will said he robbed his children by taking that money. Eric said he'll go to the bank and he'll meet him downstairs.
Gary said Eric has been involved in a lot of other crimes too. Gary said that maybe they can have him rip off a picture of Donnie. Eric said he would not do that. He was sweating over that picture.
Howard asked Robin what the punishment is. Robin said no Donnie for a month. That means he can't contact him at all for a month. She said if he does then he has to be cut off from him forever. Will said he has to say that he hates Donnie too. Eric said he can't do that. Jon said he's going to monitor this too. Howard said he's going to let Donnie know what's going on too. Eric said they have to get him on the phone now. He said he has to know what's going on. Howard said he will contact him later. Eric said he wanted to say goodbye to him for a month.
Eric said that he's getting less of a punishment than Bobo. Howard said that's because he's dull. Eric said he's going to have to take the punishment. Joey asked what happens if he violates it. Howard said no Donnie forever. Howard said Joey is going to be watching over Eric and he has to tell the show. Joey said he doesn't condone what he did. Howard said Eric has to pay Will back too. Will said that their 15 year friendship really means nothing.
Eric said he can't believe he weighs 404 pounds. Howard asked if he would have stolen the money if it was Donnie's money. Eric said that's tough. Joey asked if he would give it back to Donnie. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard said this is too complicated for Eric. Eric said that he and Eric still get help from the Humus and Pita company. Howard said he's plugging now. Howard said he has to stop jerking off to Donnie for a month.
Eric asked why Howard puts himself down on America's Got Talent. Eric said he looks awesome on that show. Howard thanked him for that. He said he loves him but he did a bad thing. He said he can still love him even though he did a bad thing.
Howard said he has to make amends. He said he can't steal and he can't contact Donnie Wahlberg anymore. Howard said he's not letting him go to his concert either. Howard said that's off. Howard said he was going but now he's not. Joey said he was going to get an invite today. Eric said he wasn't going. Howard said he's not going.
Howard told Eric to behave. Eric said he does. Howard said he has to stop it. He said you can follow him at @HPErik71 on Twitter. Eric said he's not going to message Donnie. Howard said he has to unfollow him on Twitter. Joey said he'll be checking on that.
Howard wrapped up and said that he's sorry to Will for that. He said they got some justice there today. Will said they learned that he's a complete idiot. Howard let Joey get in a plug for his podcast and @JoeyBoots on Twitter. Howard told Eric to behave now. Eric said he does. Howard said he didn't in the past, now he will. They went to break after playing a couple of High Pitch Eric bits.
Howard came back and said that Brandi Glanville is there. Howard said she hasn't been on in a while. He said she's on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Howard said that she is involved in some controversy. Howard said that's why they're having her on. Howard said he loves Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and without her on it it's not an interesting show. Howard said she mixes things up. Howard said Brandi creates angst. Brandi said she's the asshole of the show. Howard said the way she got into it was being married to Eddie who ran off with LeAnn Rimes. Howard said that she said she had to make some dough quick. Howard asked if he pays her at all. Brandi said he pays her $1100 a month. She said she has a 12 year old and an 8 year old and that's their grocery budget. Howard asked if she ever asked for more money. Brandi said that he wanted her to pay him back and take her retirement fund. She said she didn't have to give him anything back. Brandi said she's too proud to beg so she'll do it herself.
Howard asked Brandi if the producers of the show ever tell her she's doing a good job. Brandi said they do. She said that their producers change every year. She said they don't see the same people every year. She said they all work freelance. She said if they don't have a show they're out of work. She said they'll ask her to do things on the show to keep it going.
Howard said the other women on the show must know that her doing something helps keep the show going. Howard said she's willing to take on that role on the show. Howard said they need her in a sense. Brandi said last year was a tough year for her. She said she gave her all to the show. She said after it aired she got upset because they didn't do her any favors. She said that you don't get a say in what they show.
Howard asked if Brandi ever pulls the other girls aside and says she doesn't hate them, she's just trying to make something happen there. Brandi said Yolanda does that. Brandi said she'll be back this season a little bit.
Howard asked what happened on the show. Brandi said she didn't want to do the show again. She said she took so much heat for what happened. Howard asked what she did. Brandi said throwing wine in someone's face. She said that she doesn't know why she did that. She said she slapped Vanderpump in the face too. She said he doesn't know why. Howard asked if she's cracking from the pressure. Brandi said she doesn't think so. Brandi said she told the producers she would come back but only with Yolanda. She said she doesn't like the other people on the show. Howard said Kyle and Lisa said they didn't want her on the show. Howard said his guess is that they said they didn't want her on the show. Brandi said that Kyle and Lisa kind of ground the show. She said that in the past they have said they won't shoot with her.
Howard asked if the other women saying she got fired is wrong. Brandi said that they're liars. She said that she didn't get fired. She said that she has 10 other jobs. She said she has another show that she can't talk about yet. She said she wasn't fired from Housewives. She said it didn't make sense to come back full time.
Howard asked Brandi about what she got paid in the first season. She said it was like $16,000 for the whole season. Howard said she came back and got paid like $136,000. She said that's correct. She said last season she was making more money. She said if she came back this year it would have been half a million. She said she started stressing about that. Howard asked what she thinks the rest of them get paid. She said Kyle may get a million. Howard said he thinks that Brandi is the star of the show. He said she mixes it up with them. Howard asked if she thinks she's the star of the show. She said that the show will be different but it will still be good. Howard said it was kind of boring last year when she wasn't on. Howard said she kicked it up and got it going and it was good. Howard said that's when he's interested. Howard said they have to hire a new asshole if they don't have her.
Brandi said it'll be interesting to see who turns on who. She said they still have to make a show. Howard said she hates some of the women on the show. Brandi said she hates the word ''hate.'' She said she got legal letters before coming on this show. She said she got one from Kyle. Howard asked what she did wrong. Brandi said she didn't want her talking about her on the show. Howard said she gets into a lot of legal trouble. Brandi said they're all very self important. She said that shit is going to get said and you just get over it. She said they want all the good stuff but they can't handle it.
Howard said they need the person to do this. Howard said on a reality show it's only good if the people are somewhat retarded. Howard said you have to reveal stuff every week or people will tune out. Brandi said when Lisa Rinna joined there was big drama on the show. She said that they had people telling her what she can say and not say on the show. She said she likes Lisa but she feels like she's playing a part.
Howard asked if it was worth doing a reality show. Brandi said it saved her life in many ways. She said she has other job offers now and that's helping. She said she wouldn't have had that without the other show. Howard asked if the show is with Bravo. Brandi said she can't say anything. She said it could be with Bravo. Howard asked if Andy Cohen is close to her. She said people think they are but they're not. She said she can't kiss ass herself but everyone else kisses Andy's ass. Howard asked if anyone tells her she's doing a good job on the show. Brandi said that Andy has had tea with her but she's not sure if he likes her. Howard said she did tell him to fuck off once. Brandi said she did. She said she has a no bullshit meter that makes her do that.
Howard asked Brandi if she gets nervous to do a shoot day. She said she doesn't like to be there and she thinks that comes across on camera. Howard asked if she ever thinks that she can't do the job. She said there have been times when she didn't want to do it and she said she wasn't going to go and they said they were going to hold her pay check.
Howard asked if she's a millionaire from being on that show. Brandi said she is not. She said she has to work. She said she has to defend herself in lawsuits too.
Howard said he knows that she has a legal situation there. Howard said she said somewhere that one of her co-workers had a smelly vagina or something. Brandi said yes, allegedly. Howard said that's the worst thing you can say about a girl. Howard said that's a terrible thing to say. Brandi said that she said that she can see why her husband left her and that just comes out. Brandi said she really can't talk about that case. She said it's cost her $54,000 so far and the case just started.
Howard asked how many of her co-workers she's been sued by. She said that they sign contracts saying they can't sue but they end up suing anyway. Howard asked if she ever asks them why they're suing her when she's doing the show for them too. Brandi said it's the rich way to bully.
Howard asked about some of her other suits and how they were worked out. Brandi said that some of the stuff was settled. She said that Kyle sent her a Cease and Desist saying that she can't talk about her on the show. Howard said that she can talk about people on the show, she just can't slander them. Brandi said that she thinks Kyle is a bitch. Howard said that's okay to say.
Howard said Brandi wants to say that the other women's vaginas smell fine. Brandi said she would assume they smell fine. Howard said at this point in her life is she has been cut loose or did she do the cutting loose. She said that it was both. She said that they want to have her back here and there but she doesn't get the big paycheck. She said that she told them that she would come back if it makes sense. Howard said he used to like Camille Grammer on the show. He said that she was a real asshole on the show. Howard said he means that in a good way. He said it was good TV but it got to her. Howard said she wasn't able to handle the pressure.
Howard asked what the game plan is. Brandi said that she has to move because the house she's leasing is sold and they have to get out in 2 weeks. She said that she has moved like 6 times in the past couple of years.
Howard asked Brandi about the LeAnn Rimes thing and how that affected her. She said that all of her money is tied up in lawsuits. She said it's like 2009 all over again. Howard said she's had guys cheat on her a few times. She said she thinks that all men cheat. Howard said he doesn't. Howard said Fred doesn't cheat. Brandi said that Howard is the exception to the rule.
Howard asked about LeAnn Rimes and if she feels she stole her man. Brandi said you can't steal a man. She said that he had to go. She said that she misses that person that she thought she had but that is not the same person. She said their son broke his arm and they were in the emergency room together and they could barely make eye contact. She said she's able to be in a room with LeAnn and they had a party for their son at their house and they were fine. She said they get along fine.
Howard asked Brandi what's going to happen for her. Howard asked if there is really a TV show that she can step in and start filming soon. Brandi said she had 6 meetings and got 6 offers. She said some of them were with production companies and some were with networks. She said she's going the safe route with a network. She said she was hoping they'd have the deal done by today so she could announce it to Howard. She said it should be done soon.
Howard asked if she hopes the Housewives show fails. She said no because she was a fan of the show before she was on it. She said it's a good show. Howard said that she has to find something to do to pay the bills. Howard said this was the thing.
Robin asked if the Celebrity Apprentice helped her. She said that it did. She said that she was working 24 hours a day 6 days a week.
Howard said that Brandi could have sued her co-workers for saying she had a drinking problem. He asked if she has a problem. Brandi said that she doesn't think so. She said she likes her wine.
Howard asked if she makes good choices with men. Howard asked if she'll do anal. Brandi said that she might if it's a couple months in and things are going well. Howard said that it hurts though, right? Brandi said it does. Howard said Robin loves it. Robin said she never said that. Howard said he heard that she tightened her vagina. Howard said that's got to be painful. She said she had a catheter for 2 weeks and it was the worst pain in her life. She said that it got Eddie off her mind for a few weeks though. Howard asked if her vagina is tight now. She said she dated a black man for a while so it's not as tight as it was. She said that he said something to her that her thing down there wasn't what it used to be after she said something about stopping his Propecia because he needed to be hard for her.
Howard asked Brandi about who she's dating. She said that she was dating a guy but they broke up. She said that their physical relationship is great but they don't get along otherwise. She said if he didn't talk they'd be great. Howard said she needs some peace and quiet in her life. Brandi said he's right but it's scary to think about being alone with herself. She said she has to be around people.
Howard said Brandi dated an NBA player and fucked him on the hood of her car. She said that he was Serbian or something. She said she did dent the car. Howard said she fucked Gerard Butler too. Howard said he had no clue she was a Real Housewife. Howard said that she has to date someone normal. Howard said NBA players go through a lot of women. Howard asked if they dated. She said they did but that car thing was on their first date. She said they were getting hot and heavy in the car and they almost crashed. She said that they had to pull over. Howard asked if she gave him a hand job. She said she's not sure what was going on.
Howard asked about the sex with the NBA guy. Brandi said that she has trust issues. She said she has to be strong and independent for her kids. Brandi said that she had a short, hairy backed man cheat on her. She said that she just can't catch a break. Howard asked if she's ever asked her psychiatrist if there's something wrong with her. Brandi said there has to be something wrong with her. Brandi said she's a handful. She said her dating life fell apart when she was on a reality TV show. She said that the NBA guy flirted with her best friend right in front of her so she said he could go. She said that they would never do anything but he had to go.
Howard asked about how the sex in the car thing went. Brandi said that he had a Porsche and he did her on the hood of the car. Howard asked if it was hot. She said it was. She said she had a bruise on her back after that. Howard asked if he came inside of her. She said she doesn't remember. Howard said the sex must have been hot. She said it was.
Howard asked who the actor/wrapper was that she dated. She said that he was an actor on a show and he was also laying down tracks.
Howard asked about the guy who had the big penis and if she had to stop for a minute and wonder if she should do it. Brandi said she did. She said that's why she says her vagina is bigger than it was. Howard asked if he was bigger than 10 inches. She said she didn't measure. She said she was using both hands to give a blow job.
Howard asked if that big penis thing ruins it for other guys. She said not really. She said she likes a nice sized penis but there are other things the guy can do. She said it's not all about that.
Howard asked if she likes condoms. She said they're not comfortable for the women. Howard said that he doesn't want his wife on the pill. He said they don't want kids so he's not going to get her knocked up. Howard said he uses condoms. Howard said Brandi isn't using any of that stuff. She said they do the pull out thing.
Howard asked about the big penis guy and if she got used to that. She said once you acclimate it's good. Howard said he has no idea what that's like.
Howard said he learned that being on a reality show is a slippery slope. Howard said they brought in people on the show who were very bland. Howard said Brandi was the one who mixed things up. Brandi told Howard about who is supposed to be on this season.
Howard gave Brandi a plug for her wine which can be found at UnfilteredBlonde.com. She's got a podcast that's available on PodcastOne.com. Brandi asked how you make money being an asshole on radio. Howard said you have to be on radio. He said podcasts are fine if you want to have fun but to make money you have to be on radio.
Howard said he feels stress now from her life. Brandi said she's on antidepressants. Howard asked why she has to do that. She said she has all of this stuff happening so she had to go back on it. Howard asked if she would throw herself at the mercy of the people on the show. She said ''fuck no.'' Brandi said she loves Yolanda and Kim but they're not really back.
Howard wrapped up with Brandi and told her to be careful out there. Howard told her to watch out for ISIS. She said they have a Twitter feed. Howard said they do but don't follow them. Howard wished her luck. Howard said she did the show and then they got rid of her. She said that she has all of these other things going on now. She said it was a great platform for her. Howard asked how she stays so thin. She said it's the stress. She said she does work out too though. Howard said she is the only one who walks around in a bikini on that show too. He said that's the other great thing about her. Brandi said all of the actresses out there are so thin. She said you have to be to be on TV. Howard said they've learned it all today. Howard asked if they've all learned about being on reality TV. Robin said it sounds like a nightmare. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone does it. He said he needs a place to hide. Howard asked if there is something mentally wrong with people who go on reality TV. Brandi laughed. She said she thinks you can buy anything in the world with money except for fame. She said this brings fame. Howard gave Brandi some more plugs and then went to break.
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Howard said it's 10:19 already. He said that they had a busy show. He took a call from Jeff the Drunk and told him to watch himself or they'll catch him doing something. Jeff said bring it on, bitch. Howard said everyone has flunked their test so far. Jeff said Eric is playing the asshole of the Howard Stern Show. Howard said that Brandi passed the test. He said he threw a 20 on her couch and she gave it right back to Will. Jeff laughed. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said they test their friends. Howard said that's the kind of friends they are. Howard said he pulled Eric aside and told him he has to lose weight. He said he told him to stop drinking the soda. He said Eric kept saying he knows but he just can't do it. Howard said he has lost so many great Wack Packers and he can't lose Eric. Howard said they lost Hank, Eric the Actor, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Blue Iris and others. Howard said they should put up an In Memorium for the Wack Packers they've lost. Howard told Jason to get that up on the web site. Howard said they have to put on Uncle Pauly and Ted the Janitor too. He said people forget who they've lost.
Robin said Jackie was selling something on the web. She said it was Stump the Joke Man or something. Howard said that Jackie thought he was going to be a millionaire when he discovered the internet. Howard said he asked Jackie if he had to have something good to sell and Jackie thought he'd make money off the stuff he had because of the show.
Howard said High Pitch Eric left him a message about what he's going to leave to him if he dies. Howard played a clip and Eric said he's leaving his fish to Howard. He's leaving his mattress to Steve Lacy from the local FOX station. Eric ran down a list of things he's giving to people. Nothing was going to Donnie Wahlberg though.
Howard asked what Eric was saying about jerking off to Donnie. Robin said she's always thought he was a little bit gay.
Robin started her news talking about Jeb Bush's worth. Robin said he's worth $19-22 million. Robin said he released his 33 years of tax returns yesterday. Howard said most of that must come from after he's out of office. Robin said they do say it comes from speaking appearances. Howard said the whole system is so corrupt. Howard said this is what he's said about Gerald Ford. He said he became a millionaire after getting out of office. Fred said that Howard was right about Jeb. He said a big part of it was after he got out of office. Howard said he doesn't know how we get back to what the founding fathers had in mind. Howard said being in office was a true act of public service. Howard said you worked a job and served your community.
Howard took a call from Ralph who was upset with Mariann from Brooklyn for relaying messages about Bobo to Howard. Ralph said that he should be the one doing that. Howard told him to get back to work then. Ralph said he found it funny when he told Eric to blow Will and Eric asked for how long and Will said ''Until I cum.'' Howard asked Ralph if the Bobo trial or the High Pitch trial was better. Ralph said that Bobo knew what he was doing. He said Eric didn't know. Howard said he thinks Bobo too. He said High Pitch was good too though.
Robin read a story about the drummer from the band Journey being in jail for allegedly raping his wife. Robin said that the band has said that he will be sitting out the rest of their tour.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's taking over for Trump on The Apprentice. Howard said absolutely not. Howard said he knows trump and he's a friend of the show. He said he doesn't go and do that to people. He said that he isn't looking to jump in on their gig. Howard said it wouldn't make sense for him to host the show. Howard said he can't even fire anyone. He said he's the worst at that. Howard said that the TV gigs he's offered are going to be more work so he's not in any rush to do more. He said he's trying to do less.
Robin read a story about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner divorcing. Howard said he saw that coming. He said he's going to keep that story quiet though. Robin told him not to bring it up. Howard said he's trying to create that he's part of it. Howard said he used to read it in the tabloids all the time. Robin said they say they've been in counseling for years. Howard said they used to say that they were in therapy and if it's that much work then it's never going to work.
Howard took a call from a guy who agreed with him about how humans are a virus on the planet. Howard said the planet always wins. the caller said we're going to completely annihilate ourselves. He said we're a bunch of fucking retards. Howard said we're the most dangerous thing on the planet. The caller agreed. Howard said of course he does. He said he's always right.
Robin asked Howard what the biggest fast food place is as far as customer satisfaction. Howard didn't know. He guessed Carl's Jr. Robin said it's actually Chick-Fil-A. Robin said it's number 1 in the fast food category. Robin said it's the highest ever recorded by a fast food restaurant. Robin had some of the other top rated places like Panera Bread. Howard said he heard that the Chipotle is big there and they have one in the building and the line goes around the block.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and she said no one ever told her that she can't report to him. Howard asked what happened to her phone. Mariann said that she had to call from her cell. Howard said it's more annoying than ever. Howard pretended he couldn't hear her. Howard told her to yell. She started to and he hung up.
Robin read about how McDonald's comes in last in customer satisfaction. Howard said fuck them. He said they were always so mean to him. He said they'd pull their advertising when he'd come on a station. He said he's such a bad fucking person. Howard said they feed people shit sandwiches every day and they fuck him over. Howard said give me a break. Howard said they feed people junk and the call him a bad person. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how 12 employees at the prison where the prisoners escaped have been suspended. Howard said you hear about these things and no one ever gets fired. Howard said he's glad something is being done. Robin said state officials are upset about what went on there. Robin said that there were no power tools though. Robin said they used hand tools. Robin said not one prison guard picked up on the noise from that. Robin said they say they were able to do a dry run one night before they actually got out. Robin said the one thing that was spoiled was the woman who didn't show up with the getaway car. Howard said maybe she had second thoughts.
Robin read a story about a black ballerina who is making headlines by holding a position at a ballet company. She's the first black woman in the company to hold that position. Howard said he can't watch ballet for more than 90 seconds on America's Got Talent. Howard said he's not into that. Robin said they work so hard to master their bodies. Robin said it's beautiful. Gary said he went to see Mikhail Baryshnikov doing ballet and he was sleeping 30 minutes in. Howard said he'd go see nude ballet.
Robin read a story about Chris Christie and what he was saying when he announced he is up for running for president. Robin had some audio of Christie talking about what he was able to do as governor of New Jersey. Howard said here are so many guys jumping in because there is no clear front runner. Howard said he wishes that they'd stop putting down planned parenthood. He said it's so important. Howard said it's such a good thing for this country. He said this whole religious agenda is so wrong. Howard said he's very happy that Planned Parenthood exists. Robin said it's more about birth control and if they stop it then it creates more abortion. Howard said that these lunatics don't believe in contraception and that's what's bringing the lunatic fringe to this country.
Robin said Donald Trump is still going through some things after he said some things about Mexico. Robin said he threatened to sue Univision for dropping his Miss Universe Pageant. Trump says that the contestants are the real victims there. Robin had some audio of trump talking about that.
Howard had a Mikhail Baryshnikov impersonator on the phone who called in to go off on Gary about his ballet story. He said he remembered Gary sleeping and licking his lips while he slept there. He said he had breath like shit too.
Robin read more about people who are breaking ties with Donald Trump. Robin said that there are people pulling sponsorship and dropping out of hosting the show.
Robin had some audio of Ted Cruz doing some Simpson's impressions and also talking about the gay marriage ruling.
Robin read a story about Mike Huckabee slamming the gay marriage ruling. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he's the reason we're doomed. Howard said no one is asking him to suck a dick. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the KKK wanting to protest the removal of the Confederate flag. Robin said they think it's being taken down for the wrong reasons.
Robin had some audio of some officials talking about how we should be keeping our eyes open for any possible terrorist activity during this holiday season.
Robin read about farmer's markets and how that's the best bet for fresh berries and things like that. She had some audio of someone talking about that. That led to Howard doing his impression of his parents talking about blueberries.
Robin wrapped up and ended her news. Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon said that it doesn't sound like Howard had a great weekend thinking about that stuff. Fran said if you wake up like that your day is only going to get worse. She said that is a hard place to start your day. Jon asked Chris what he thinks about that. Chris said little things like that have popped up and they get into his head. He said it wasn't that surprising to him. He said it's getting later in Howard's career and it's not a surprise that he's thinking about that. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Chris asked why the fans of the show are doing this. Jon said that you love the show and you know he's not well off so they do it. Fran said she's not sure a Fouton can hold a 400 pound person. Chris said as a 300 pound person he knows it can not.
Chris said he thinks Bobo got off so easy the other day. He said Bobo proclaims himself the number 1 fan of the show. He said he knew exactly what he was doing. He said he couldn't have agreed to do what he did any quicker. He said you hear the 5 General Hospital mentions in 19 seconds. He said he can't believe he got off with that. He said it's a complete joke. Fran said he lives and breathes the show though. She said that 15 shows isn't anything to sniff at. She said she's worried. She said she hopes he uses this time to go to medical school or get a PHD or something. Jon said that won't happen. He said that wouldn't happen in 15 years.
Jon said he hears what Chris is saying. He said it should have crossed his mind. He said he doesn't think he schemed or anything. Jon said he got on a show he loves and he didn't think twice about it. Chris said that's the point. He said Bobo couldn't have reacted faster. Chris said he thinks that it should be 2016 before they hear from Bobo.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard wants to reward bad behavior. He said they should make Eric lose 50 or 100 pounds. Jon asked if he thinks that's Howard's responsibility. The caller said Howard claims he's concerned about it. He doesn't do anything about it. Jon said Eric is a big boy and he is responsible for himself. Gary said they can't make Eric do anything. He said that's not their responsibility.
Gary said that there's a lot of stuff going on with Eric. He said that whole Donnie Wahlberg thing was odd. He said there is some weird stuff going on there. Chris said all Eric does is figure out how to get money. He said he's emptying the refrigerator back there. Gary said he's up front about that. Gary said Eric has an addiction to many things and one is food. Chris said when you bring something to the table maybe people are more lenient toward you. He said if you bring entertainment then maybe they let you slide.
Jon said that Eric has medical issues too. He said he's not sure what Eric would do without Joey. Gary said he has a real fondness for Eric and he just laughs when he sees him. Fran said when Eric asked for how long he had to blow Will that said to her that he's not gay. She said if he has to ask then maybe he doesn't want to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Eric didn't get that what he did was a bad thing. Jon said that's a good point. He said it was like when his kids were little. He said he wasn't sure if they were pretending they didn't know or what. Gary said that they were talking about how Eric knew it wasn't his $20 bill. He said he had already had the conversation with Joey yesterday. He said he's not sure what's going on there. Jon said maybe he forgot. He said either that or he's playing into it. Chris said he thinks he's playing into it.
Gary said they talked about Eric writing the bad check. He did that on an account he knew was closed. He said that's a different thing than just writing bad check.
Fran said everything about Eric is saying that there is a problem. She said he's got growths on his body and you shouldn't ignore stuff like that. She said he needs creams and rubs and living shouldn't be that much work. She said she pictures him melting. Chris said the red flag should have gone up a long time ago. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said Howard made the analogy that he's like Fred. Jon asked if JD will blossom like Fred did. Gary said it could be like that. He said Fred really blossomed too when he met his wife. Gary said that the girlfriend is getting JD out into life.
Jon said that Sour Shoes does a lot of sports guys and he wonders what Chris thinks about that. Chris said his talent is immense but it's hard to harness it. He said that's what's great about it. He said that Sour still calls in to WFAN and he makes references that crack you up. He said he knew anything that he said was much more entertaining than anything he could say. Jon said that Fran must hear impressions all the time. He asked her what's so special about his. Fran said he has an amazing ear. She said she's not sure he knows what's funny about what he's doing. She said he's able to mimic the voice but he needs someone to help write for him. She said that he sounds dead on but he doesn't know what's funny. Gary said he wonders about that. He said that he does the Artie thing and he does material that's laughed at. Fran said maybe he just thinks that's something Artie would say. Jon said Sour does the ''Noine'' thing a lot. Gary said that was kind of handed to him though. Chris said he has incredible nuance with the voices he does. He said he does the little cough with Gary and things like that. Gary said he's amazed at the stuff he remembers. Fran Sour makes her very anxious when he does so many voices at once. She said that she hopes he's okay. Gary said he bounces off the walls when he's up there. Fran said maybe he sleeps a lot and he just comes in there with so much energy.
Jon said JD had some confusion about the Chinese place. He said that different menus confuse him. Gary said he got that he doesn't go to many restaurants. He said when he was faced with that traditional restaurant he didn't know what to do and didn't want to hold people up behind him. Fran said JD talking about being afraid to go into that Pot Belly Bodega was funny. She said that he referred to it as a restaurant. She said it's one step up from a Bodega.
Gary said when he goes on vacation he's going to have a problem. Jon said he has the girlfriend so he thinks he'll be fine. Gary said JD is going to New Orleans and if he's asked if he wants to try Turtle Soup his head might fall off.
Chris said that he's going to have a lot of pressure on him going on his first vacation. Fran said he won't get through TSA if he sees a line behind him. Gary said he does travel so he thinks he can handle that.
Jon said it can be tough when there is a line behind you and you have to make decisions. Fran said JD has done okay for having all of these issues. She said he's killing it. Chris said that when JD is struggling to say something it's because he's worried about what people are going to think.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 53 percent agree that we're all going to be dead. 41 percent said they don't agree with Howard and 6 percent said we have 50 years.
Jon asked if Howard can enjoy anything. Gary said he thinks that he can appreciate things but he's not sure he can enjoy them. Jon said there aren't a lot of years left but he hopes he can enjoy some stuff. Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and for Chris and Fran. They ended the show around 11:50am.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Nicole taking that job. Gary said he will abstain from that question. He said he has information that he can't divulge. Jon asked Brian what he thinks. Brian said he thinks it's hard for someone like that to take a job delivering parts. He said it might be hard getting arrested too. Jon said that Nicole isn't inconspicuous. Sal said that they said they were already staring at her. He said that he hopes she does take the job. Sal said they already did the GoFundMe for her and raised a lot of money doing that. Jon said that Nicole has to do what she has to do but the show gives opportunities to do stuff and they don't take advantage of it. Gary said that GoFundMe doesn't keep coming in. He said it's a one time thing.
Gary said they did a video where they gave this homeless guy a bunch of stuff and cleaned him up. He said the limo driver offered the homeless guy a job but he wasn't able to get there. The guy showed up for a few days and then just never showed up again. Gary said Nicole may think she's too famous to take a job. Gary said that Dick York was on the show Bewitched and he owned an apartment building. He ended up going broke and he ended up cleaning apartments in the building he used to own. He said that he would clean apartments in the building and people would recognize him. He had to work to make money.
Gary said people assume that if you're on TV then you're rich. Gary asked if the guys get that. Sal said he used to drive a fire truck and he'd pull up next to a bus where he was on an ad and people would recognize him. He said that was in a good situation where he was on his way up though. Brian said he was a bartender and he would be bartending and they'd put the show on behind him while he was bartending. He said it was so weird and humiliating to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's not sure Nicole will take the job after all of the GoFundMe thing. Jon said everyone was good about that. He said it may give her time to think more. He said that she may procrastinate more about it. Jon said they'll find out when Howard comes back. They went to break after that.
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Gary asked if they have rules because the guys in Jackass will do stuff to you as soon as you walk in. Gary said that happens there in their office too. Sal said there is a rule about getting punished and how you have to take the punishment no matter what. He said that's really tough. He said in the show they can say no. He said they do cross lines a little bit. Sal told Jon and Gary about some of the stuff they've done.
Brian said they broke into Sal's house once and he got permission from him by asking what he thought about breaking into Murray's house. He said Sal thought it was a great idea so they did it to his house instead.
Jon said they were talking about Bobo being banned from the show. He said there is some sympathy for the guy too. Jon asked if the guys thought it was fair what they did. Sal said he can't believe Bobo did that. He said he thinks that it's a 15 show ban. He said it's not a lifetime. He said he thinks it's fair. Gary asked if Bobo called and told Howard what was going on and he had to get the plugs in then Howard probably would have been fine. Jon said that would have been a better way to approach it. Jon said Bobo is an extreme fan but you have to know better. He said it's like asking Howard to write a foreword to his book. He said you have to know what you're getting into. Jon said he thinks Bobo should have known better.
Jon said he thinks that Bobo not being considered the number 1 fan is what's hurting him the most. Brian said that Bobo's whole value to the show is that he fucked up. He said he gets that people hate him when he calls in. He said he doesn't have a value to the show if he's banned and they don't hear from him. He said they're missing out on his torture. He said he wants to hear Bobo suffer.
Gary said this whole storyline is entertainment. He said that we're guessing what Bobo is doing. Jon said that Bobo is communicating with Mariann. He said that might expose her to punishment. Sal said that Mariann will tow the line to whatever Howard tells her. Brian said everyone should be on high alert right now.
Gary said they pulled some pranks on Sal that were pretty harsh. He said if they did them to JD they would have been considered really cruel. Gary asked if the levels for Sal and Brian go up depending on the person being more of a douche. Brian said things that bother Sal won't bother Joe. He said there are different levels. He said it's not because someone is a douche. He said they're all douches.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if the guys have ever made a punishment inspired by the Stern show. Sal said he'd love to have Murray ride the Sybian. Brian said they did throw a Baba Booey reference into every sketch for a while. He said the network has cut it every time they do it though. He said they put it in so much and they cut it every time. Brian said that he tries to throw that in as much as he can.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about punishments he's had. Gary said he hasn't had any long time punishments. He said his don't last long. Jon said Gary has to deal with stuff that lasts in perpetuity and millions of people hear it. He said they have anniversaries for his mistakes. He said he has to deal with that so it's a little different than what Bobo is dealing with.
Brian asked how Gary can get back at Howard. Gary said he can't. Gary said he loves watching practical jokes but hates being part of them. He said he got involved with that with Stuttering John and he enjoyed that but John was in the fetal position in the green room over it. He said that their assistant said that it was fucked up that they were firing each other in practical jokes. Gary said Howard once said that he pranks but no one pranks him. He said that's what he said when Richard did the fake infected arm and something else. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that's the way it goes with JD. Gary said he's starting to get a little bit better. Gary said the girlfriend is helping him with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jon if he's worried about JD's future. He asked how he's going to be able to make anything of himself if he can't go into a restaurant and order. Jon said this girl he has is a keeper and she's bringing out a lot in him. He said JD is maturing too. He said JD has always been good at what he does in his job. He said he knows what he's saying about the restaurant thing but he's growing up. Jon said JD will do that or he'll keep going to restaurants that he can deal with.
Gary said he hopes things work out for JD and the girlfriend. He said even if it only lasts a few years she is helping him live life. He said JD has a lot of fears and phobias. He said if you listen to him everything revolves around not annoying or displeasing everyone else in the world. He said he doesn't want to disappoint people. Jon said he does seem to be saying he's sorry a lot less.
The caller said Howard is going to move on and he doesn't think that JD is going to be able to order people. Jon said he has over 10 years experience there and he thinks that he could get a job somewhere and they'd welcome him with open arms.
Brian said that they've never said JD does a bad job. He said he's such a beloved figure and people would love to hire him. Gary said his trouble will be if he gets hired somewhere that they don't know who he is. He said you need to get to know him.
Gary said he thinks that the girlfriend would help push JD to get a job or something. He said he just needs a nudge. Jon said Fred's wife brought out a lot in Fred. He said that he's really blossomed. Jon said that they're starting to see that in JD now. He said he thinks he'll do just fine.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks the Bobo thing was well deserved. He said he seems to be very entitled. He said that's why people are happy that he's off for a while. He said he thinks he'll end up messing it up and it will last longer. Jon said he thinks he's right about that.
The caller asked what other Wack Packers or callers do they see violating something in the near future and ending up in Howard Stern prison. Jon said he has a feeling Jeff the Drunk may slip up. Gary said that Ass Napkin Ed could end up there too. Jon said maybe Hanzi would. Gary said Hanzi wouldn't fuck him over. He said he'd call and tell Howard to give him something instead of trying to get a plug in. He said he doesn't think it would be behind Howard's back.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology. He asked Rahsaan what the results of the poll are for today. Rahsaan said 80 percent said no. Jon asked if Gary has anything to say about that. Gary said the fans are not stupid. He said all he knows is that she hasn't responded to the job offer in the first 36 hours. He said he doesn't know if she hasn't taken the job. Jon wrapped up and gave Sal and Brian some plugs and ended the show around 11:50am.