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Howard started the show talking about how Gary went to the White House Correspondents dinner. Howard said Gary ran into Bradley Cooper and he was taped asking him to say hello to his table. Howard said he had to tell Gary that you don't do that. Howard said he hates it when people do that to him. Howard said Gary wants to look good introducing Bradley to his table. Robin asked what Brad is supposed to do. Howard had audio of the moment when he did that. Howard played the clip and let out an ''Ugh'' when he heard it. Howard said someone is introducing Bradley and he interrupts him to get that in. Howard said that's like asking him to validate him by saying hello to his table. Howard said he's like an annoying fan. Gary said he was there with Sirius executives. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck who they were. Howard said he should have asked for a selfie too. Howard said maybe he could have asked him to call his son. Howard said he could ask him to sign his arm too. Howard said Bradley must love them.
Howard said if Bradley is listening he apologizes. Robin asked what Gary was thinking. Gary said there were a bunch of executives at the table. He said he didn't have to walk anywhere. He was right there. He said he didn't bring him anywhere. Howard said ''Gary, Gary, Gary...'' He asked what that gets them. Howard asked if he had him do a scene from The Hangover or his Elephant Man impression. Howard asked how they can keep Gary away from these events. Howard said he says he went there to make connections with people but now Brad will never do the show again. Howard said if he was there and some fucker asked him to do that he's done. Howard said you just don't want to do that.
Howard said it's bad enough that strangers are bothering you. He said it's like asking someone to record a message for your kid's birthday. Robin asked if he said hello to the table. Gary said he turned around and waved and that was it. Howard said he must have been thrilled.
Gary said Bradley was walking from table to table saying hello to people. Howard said he should leave him alone after he says hello to him. He said that he'll write him an apology note. Howard did his Gary impression and goofed on him about the way he was bothering Bradley. Howard said he has to end this already. He said he's out of his mind.
Howard said JD found the clip and played it for him. Howard replayed the clip. Gary just said ''Will you say a quick hello to our table?'' Howard did his Gary voice again and asked Bradley to drive him home to New York. Howard said that Gary is in a big rush. He said that he had a mission. Howard had him bragging about having him wave. Howard said the good news is that he wasn't caught trying to sneak into parties like last year. Howard said he got thrown out last year. Howard said he was turned away. He said he'll get it right eventually. Howard said the more he hears about this trip the worse it gets. Howard said he should just stay away.
Howard said last year Gary was walking around trying to get into some party and he didn't have the right credentials. Howard said Gary hasn't learned anything. Then he said he has learned some stuff. Howard said he vowed to him that he'd never annoy another celebrity after this. Howard said he just learned that. Robin said Howard has to think about everything he might do wrong. Howard said he wonders what those calls sound like. Howard said Bradley thought he was talking to the ambassador of Mexico. He didn't know it was Baba Booey. Howard said that he's so his Baba Booey. He said Fred is the one who told him to hire Gary so he blames him. Howard said Gary was the only one who applied though. Gary said there was at least one other guy. Fred said there may have been more. He said Gary was most qualified. Fred said in light of this most recent event he realized he did make a mistake.
Howard asked Fred if he has the other guy's number. Fred said he thinks he's the head of a radio division somewhere. He said that he may run the sports station in town. Howard said that was a good choice. Fred said he probably would have done the same thing as Gary.
Howard said the president was on fire at that dinner. Robin said that's what she heard. Howard said he knew Gary was there because people kept sending him pictures of Gary liking his lips on the TV coverage. Howard said it was constant wetting of the lips and teeth. Robin asked why he was so dry there. Gary said he's always dry. Howard said he must have been nervous. Gary said he can't imagine why he'd be nervous. It's not like Howard is going to make fun of him the following Monday.
Howard wondered what else Gary was doing there. He said you never know with him. Howard played a clip of President Obama telling jokes at the dinner. It was an impersonator of course. He was joking about Gary's teeth and lips in the clip. They had him joking about FOX News, Chris Christie and more.
Howard said the gloves really came off. Howard said that's how you deliver a speech. Howard said it's in that stand up comedy delivery.
Robin said they didn't get to see more of that dress. She said they didn't get to see the closet. Robin said he had a whole side in the closet. Howard said he tuned into the interview and realized that she really did look like a woman and then he realized he was looking at Diane Sawyer.
Robin said that Bruce was walking with his hands in his pockets and he has to be told that women don't do that. Howard said the guy was a really good looking dude when he was in the Olympics. Howard said he felt bad for the guy. He said it's a horrible way to go through life. Robin said he was totally confused his whole life. Robin said she realized he's been through hell.
Howard said Bruce has to work on his voice. He played a clip of him talking and did an impression of that. Howard said he would have asked him about that. Howard said a lot of transgender dudes keep their man voice. Robin said Bruce said he was going to disappear and next time they see him he'll be a woman. Robin said he may be re-training this whole hear. Howard said that Diane didn't follow up on the reality shows thing and why he's doing that stuff for money.
Howard played another clip of Bruce speaking and saying that he sounds kind of like Cher. Robin said the thing that bothered her most was that he said that he's really religious and that's why he wasn't wearing women's clothing. Robin said that religion is keeping people from living happy lives.
Howard played another clip of Bruce talking about President Obama and then revealing that he's a republican. Diane asked if that would be a problem. Bruce didn't think so. Howard said that he's going to be a rough looking woman. Robin said he has such a gorgeous face. Howard said Bill Cosby says he'll have to drug himself to have sex with Bruce or whatever his name is going to be.
Howard said that they kept showing the super model who used to be a dude like Bruce is going to look that good. Howard said he thinks that's a really tough life. Howard said he wouldn't want to have to deal with that. Howard said they're going to have a special 8 part series where they'll show his transition. Howard said he will watch that. Robin said he has very handsome and manly looking sons. Howard said he hopes they're not struggling. Robin said she does too. Howard said he only has to struggle to get out of bed every morning. Howard said he felt sad for Bruce. He said he's in for so much shit. Robin said that he's going to continue to struggle.
Robin said that the family is so public and they put themselves up for being ridiculed. Robin said it's not like he was having a normal life. She said he was a Kardashian.
Howard said they say 17 million people watched that interview. He said those are huge numbers. Howard said the numbers for Furious 7 have been huge too. Howard said Bruce managed to keep his titties under wraps. Robin said they were saying that he was on hormones when he met Kris Jenner. Fred said he was doing that stuff back in the 80s. Fred said that one of the kids saw the boobs and she chose to protect the kids from that information. Robin said Kris marred him with breasts. Howard said that was nice of her. Howard said Benjy has a B-cup so he will be able to find a woman some day. Howard said Kris Jenner married a guy with tits so you have to question that. Howard said that's the part that confused him. He wished that Diane had gotten into that more. Howard said if Vin Diesel cut off his cock then the next Furious movie would make a trillion dollars.
Howard said he knows he has issues but he doesn't have issues like that. Howard said Bruce must have a pretty big dick. He said he was watching him running in the Olympics and his cock was bouncing up and down. Howard said he had a nice package. Robin said it does seem so... unless it was his balls. Howard said it was both. Howard said it would have been great if Diane Sawyer had said that.
Howard said all he has to do to get gender reassignment is push his cock in. He said he doesn't have to get it chopped off.
Howard played a prank call Ralphie May did there with Richard and Sal. Ralphie called a guy and asked how many times a day he defecates and things like that. They went to break after that.
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Howard said one of the chairs is good but it pulls his shirt up in the back. Howard asked Gary to bring it over. Howard said it has cloth on it. He said that might be why there's tape on that one. Howard said this is a nice chair. Howard sat in that one and said that's nice. He said this might be the one. Howard said he thinks he has to mess with the adjustments. Howard said he likes this one. Howard told Robin to come over and check it out. Howard said the chair he's been using for 15-20 years is falling apart. Howard said it might be good radio if it falls apart. Gary said it won't be good radio for him. Gary said people wonder why he's still using it. It doesn't fit in.
Howard said he can't find the lumbar support for his chair. Howard said he needs some knobs for that. Howard said this chair is pretty good. He said he may go for this one. Robin asked if it's tall enough. Howard said it is. Robin said the other one had a high back. Howard said he's okay with that. Howard said he's
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if Bruce gets a new vagina he's going to have a really deep one. Howard said when he's seen one it's never in the right place. Howard said that a woman's is near the asshole. Howard said a man's penis is up higher so it's kind of freaky. Howard said the other thing is that guys who do transition can't have a good orgasm. Howard said they just give you a nub for a clitoris and they don't have a good orgasm. Robin said they cut off the balls too. Howard said that's where your orgasm comes from. Howard said a lot of transgender find out later that you can't have an orgasm. Howard said it's a tricky thing. Howard said some say they still have orgasms but it's tough to screw around with something like that.
The caller said you have to keep opening up the wound to keep it from closing up on its own. Howard said that's right. He said he's spoke to people who have had to deal with that too. The caller kept talking about that but Howard said he was going to throw up from it. Howard said he had to let the guy go.
Fred said you're basically neutering yourself by getting the operation. Fred said he thinks that would be the hardest part of the transition. He said you'll never have a hard orgasm again in your life. Fred said it's not going to be what you thought it was going to be.
Howard said Clay Aiken is coming in today. He said that he watched the show he did where he goes through his run for congress. Howard said that it's really good. Gary said that it's not a reality show. He said that it's a documentary because Clay didn't get paid for it. Robin said that they tried to help him. Howard said they did but it was a tough run. Howard said he was up against a really good guy. Howard said they'll talk about that and American Idol. Robin said they have to talk about Claymates and all of that. Howard said maybe he should break and get to him. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has Clay Aiken coming in. He said he was on American Idol when it was huge in season 2. Howard said Clay has a documentary coming out and airing on the Esquire network. Clay said it used to be Style network. He said it's 114 on Time Warner. He said you can look it up. He said that it's at TV.Esquire.com.
Howard asked where Clay lives. Clay said he's in New York and North Carolina. He said he didn't like L.A. when he was there.
Howard asked Clay how big the ratings were back then when he was on Idol. Clay said they say that 40 million people watched. Howard said that's huge. Clay said they said it was the biggest non sporting show of the decade. Howard said that Clay lost to Ruben Studdard and that must be a relief of some kind. Clay said he and Ruben are still good friends. Howard asked if he ever got his stomach stapled to lose weight. Clay said he didn't but Robin said he did Biggest Loser. Clay said he was stick thin himself so it made him look even bigger. Robin said he didn't help.
Howard said he was reading about Clay and how he helped kids and he was working solo with one kid and the mom of the kid told him to be on American Idol. Clay said he hadn't seen the show yet. He said he was working with the kid and taking him out in the community. He said when this kid didn't want to do anything you didn't do anything. He said the mom hear him singing when he'd just be hanging around and that's when she told him to give it a try.
Howard said he must have never thought he'd be doing that. Clay said he never did. He said he isn't a competitive person or a risk taker. He said that it's counter to everything he's ever done. He said he only auditioned because it was in Charlotte and he was living there. He said the woman kept on him to do it too.
Howard said that people don't understand the way it works. Howard said he's on America's Got Talent. He said they line up auditions now but back then he had to wait on line. clay said he had to wait two nights. Howard asked how that worked. Clay said they took the first 4000 people in line. Howard asked if he ever wanted to just go back to his life. Clay said yes. He said there were people in the streets shouting and hollering and he knew he was better than many of them. Clay said he didn't show his cards and sing out there.
Howard said Clay memorized a bunch of songs and forgot the lyrics to them all. Clay said he did and what he did was sing the theme to Perfect Strangers. He sang some of that to Howard. Clay said that's all that came to him.
Howard asked Clay about being kind of paranoid when he was trying to get on the show. Clay said he was because he heard someone really bad singing on the street who they put through. He said that they told that guy that it was what they were looking for. Clay said that's what they were looking for but not because the guy was good. Clay told Howard that they told him to sing directly to Paula the day he sang. He said that Paula was actually out that day so he had to sing to the two guys. Howard asked if he felt Simon was mean to him. Clay said he never did. He said that he just gave his opinion.
Howard said Clay came in second. Clay said that's what he's best at apparently. Howard asked if he had to sign with Simon's record label. Clay said the final 12 negotiated as a group. He said that they all did that at the beginning. Howard said he must have had in mind that he'd do it for free if he got a deal. Clay said that they all determined how much they'd all get if they got signed. He said when you come in second you know what you're getting.
Howard said that Clay sold a shitload of records. Clay said for the day it was. Howard said it was millions. Howard asked if he got a lot of money for that. Clay said the contract wasn't bad at all. He said it was different because it was British but it was good. He said he was lucky enough to be able to tour for years without putting out new records. He said he was playing in packed houses for about 3 or 4 years. He said that he went out with Kelly Clarkson for a while and then went out on his own. He said it's diminishing returns each time though.
Clay said he moved to L.A. because he met a guy. He said that his mom thought the show turned him gay. Howard said he's been to L.A. a couple of times and he may have been turned gay. Robin asked how old he was when he started this. Clay said he was 23 when he auditioned. He said he was 24 on the show.
Howard said Clay had to live his life closeted and he couldn't be who he wanted to be. Howard said the whole idea that you can't admit who you are sucks. Howard said he couldn't come out where he lived. He said he would have gotten his ass beat. Clay said that it wasn't that he couldn't come out. He said that it was himself that kept himself coming out. He said he really didn't know that he was gay until he was 24. He said other people may have known but he didn't. He said he grew up in North Carolina and if you were gay you stayed quiet about it. Either that or you were so flamboyant that you couldn't stay quiet. Clay said he wasn't that but he wasn't working on the railroad either. Howard asked if he dated girls in high school. Clay said he did. He said he did it successfully too.
Howard said Clay came out to his mom and it was successful. Howard asked if mom's know in the back of their minds. Clay said his mom sure pretended to be shocked if she knew. He said that it was about 2 years or so after Idol and she should have known. He said maybe it was denial. He said he told her the night they dropped his brother off to go to Iraq. Clay said that his brother was gone and he was driving home with her and for some reason he started crying. He said his mom asked why he was crying. He said it was over this secret. Clay said he was snotting everywhere so she told him to pull over. Clay said that he pulled over and told her. He said that he told her ''I'm gay'' and he had never used that term before. Howard said that has to be the hardest thing in the world to do. Clay said it's irrational fear. He said that he may have thought she was going to have an issue. Howard said she was a saint in his life. Clay said she still is.
Clay said that his dad tried to beat the shit out of all of them when he was about 1. He said that he and his mom lived on the run for a couple of years. Clay said that his mom had a judge who was very helpful with keeping them safe. He said they did a fund raiser for his campaign and his mom recognized that the judge was part of the fund raiser they did. Clay said that it had been 35 years since he helped her. Clay said that he gave her restraining orders and stuff. Clay said that he didn't remember her but his mom had pictures. clay said that he had no idea that he had been involved in keeping them safe.
Howard asked if his biological dad tracked him down. Clay said he actually saw him. He said he and his step father didn't have a great relationship. He said he would go visit his biological dad once in a while if he wanted to avoid being grounded or something. Howard asked if his dad ever reformed himself. Clay said he doesn't know actually. Howard asked if it was a disaster there. Clay said he'd watch movies while his dad slept so it wasn't so bad. He said he didn't have a great relationship with him. He said when he turned 18 he changed his name to his mother's maiden name and never saw him again. He said he died in 2004. He said that it was while he was on tour with Kelly. He said that they had off that day so he had to just say he wasn't going. Howard said he gets that. He said he wasn't really a father to him. Robin said that he didn't have anyone to connect to at the funeral either. Clay said some of the people there were mad at him for changing his name. He said it was best that he didn't go.
Howard said that his step father wasn't so great either. Clay said he's more sympathetic for him. He said that he may have known he was gay before he did. He said he doesn't think he knew how to deal with it. Clay said he died right before Idol. Howard said that it seems like his childhood was pretty painful. Clay said he was the hot guy in school. Howard said he had to sit by the school bus driver to make sure he didn't get his ass kicked. Clay said he did. He asked Howard how he knew that.
Howard said Clay said that his best friend was a Vietnames exchange student who didn't speak much English. Howard said that he had another one too. Clay said he didn't have two friends. Howard said the other one was a partially deaf girl. Clay said that they weren't at the same time. He said that was when he was like 5 or 6. Clay said that she didn't have any friends and he knew that he'd be in the same situation so he was always very attached to those kids.
Howard asked if he ever had to fight in school. Clay said no. Howard asked if his mom pushed him into show business. Clay said she was very supportive but she never pushed him that much. He said she's not a stage mother.
Howard asked Clay about his career and how those couple of years when he got out of Idol he went out and toured. Howard said he must be set for life. Howard said the shows don't have that kind of impact anymore. Clay said he stopped watching after season 4. He said he would love to go on the show and judge though. He said he'd love Howard's job. Clay said that when he was on the show they were completely naive. He said they didn't know how famous they were or if anyone was even watching the show. Clay said when you watch the show now it's too much about the judges. He said that the kids come in too polished. He said that he doesn't want to root for a kid like that. He said they all think they're going to be famous.
Howard said Clay made a good point about how they were right off the turnip truck and then they were crowned and they had a huge following. Robin asked what happened to the Claymates. Clay said they're still around. He said he was upset that Robin said she ''was'' one. He said that's in the past tense.
Howard said that Clay was asked to be on Rolling Stone magazine and he didn't even know what that was. Clay said he's sorry but he didn't. He said that he wanted to just give them a head shot. He said that he realized later that it was a really big deal. He said Ruben told him how big of a deal it was.
Clay said that he and Ruben went to see the play Rent and they had to be moved because people were turning around taking their pictures there. He said that's a big deal for someone like him.
Howard asked Clay about this run for congress. Howard said he had gone out and did Broadway and all of that. Howard said he could have kept touring. Clay said that he has always been interested in politics. He said that he had moved back to North Carolina. He said he had seen a lot of shit happening there that pissed him off. He said he realized he had an ability to get people to pay attention. He said that Rosie O'Donnell told him he could wait until he was 50 or do it now while he is young and people are paying attention. He said helped get him into it. Clay said his manager was helpful too. Clay said he was very supportive and advised him through it.
Howard said he thinks politics is easier than figuring out a song that could be popular. Clay said it's really not. He said the whole campaign thing is all about money. Howard said he watched the first episode and it was very interesting.
Howard asked Clay about what the numbers were in Idol when he lost. Clay said that it was like 13,000 votes. He said he really doesn't know but he thinks Ruben is very good and he should have won it. Howard asked Clay about sneaking a peak at the cards Ryan Seacrest was reading. Clay said he wasn't really trying to but he saw the card. He said now Ryan keeps them hidden. Howard said it ruins the whole show. Clay said it really doesn't. He said that he wanted to see Ruben's face when he learned he won. He said that he just saw a long list of letters so he figured it wasn't his own name.
Howard said Clay also came in second on Celebrity apprentice. Clay said he lost to Arsenio Hall. He jokingly said he's considering becoming a racist now that he's lost to two black men. Clay talked to Howard about Apprentice and what that was like for him.
Howard asked Clay if he's in love now. Clay said he isn't. He is a single dad though. Clay said that he shares custody with the child's mother. He said it's difficult. He said that he misses him. Clay said the kid is in school now and when he's not in school he's with him. Clay said he saw him last week when he was in town. Clay said that the mom was his executive producer and she was the one who wanted to have a child and asked him to share custody with her. Clay said that he thinks he realized that this was his opportunity to have a child and he said okay. He said it's working out. Robin said they did the turkey baster thing. Clay said it was in vitro and no turkey baster was used.
Howard said that he doesn't like when people out other people. Clay said he's almost 100 percent against it. He said that there are some in politics who vote against gay things but they are gay. He said they should be outed.
Howard said that Clay's documentary is called ''The Runner Up'' and it's on the Esquire network tomorrow night. Clay said he got into running over a bunch of different things. He said he was at a Cracker Barrel one day and there was a lesbian couple there with 5 kids. He said they all had disabilities. He said he sat down with them and thought to himself that these two women have taken these kids in who were unwanted. He said that it pissed him off that they do that and they won't let them get married. Clay said he just thought ''Fucking hell...''
Howard said Clay ran as a democrat in North Carolina. Howard said that he ran against a 71 year old who had served in politics before and he didn't try to push him out because he disliked him. Clay said that the primaries are rough and personal. He said the guy ran personal ads attacking him and he got very competitive over that. He said that guy spent like 3/4 of a million in his campaign. Clay said he only spent about 80 thousand.
Howard said the guy Clay was running against ended up just dying. Clay said that he had a heart attack. Howard said that he spent a lot of money on the campaign and he must have been under a lot of pressure. Clay said he was a really nice guy too. Howard said he had won the democratic nomination so that must have been part of it too.
Howard asked Clay about what happened and why he wasn't able to get the votes. Clay said that he thinks people thought he wasn't qualified. He said that people pick a party and they don't sway. Clay said he had to talk about issues and policy. He said that he had advisors who told him he didn't have to answer the questions. He said that's what he hates about politics.
Howard said some of the people who donated to his campaign thought they were duped because of this documentary. Clay said it was just 2 or 3 people. He said that they enjoy attention too. He said that they knew full fucking well what was going on. Clay said it's not his thing.
Robin asked when he decided to film it all. Clay said they had 3 groups call and ask if they could shoot it. Clay said he said no to all of them. He said then this fourth group called and they said no again but his a manger knew the group. He said that he asked him to hear them out because they're real. Clay said he thought it was still going to be a no but he talked to the guy. He said the guy told him if he wins that's great. He said if he doesn't win then what has he done. Clay said that was an argument that was important to him. Clay said he figured he could do it and talk about a lot of things in the show that way. Clay said the things that are more important to him are things he has lived through going through that process. Clay said he hasn't seen all of the documentary yet. He said that there were people who wanted him to be on the phones 40 hours a week asking for donations. He said that's not what it's supposed to be about.
Howard asked how his brother made out in Iraq. Clay said he's home now with a kid. He said he came back okay. Howard asked what we should do about ISIS. Clay said a big part of this is making sure that the countries around that area are fighting it. Clay said that we need to push for other countries to get involved because they're directly threatened.
Howard asked if Clay is dating at all. Clay said he's not. Howard asked how he gets him. Clay said he doesn't know. Howard asked how he found the guy he was in love with. Clay said it was actually on Facebook. Howard said he went out with him and was he nervous about him wanting him because he's Clay Aiken. Clay said that he has a pretty good bullshit detector. Howard said when he dates someone will he keep it quiet or will he go out and around with the guy. Clay said that he will do what other people do. He said he thinks that he can sniff out the people who are just in it for attention. Howard asked how long it's been. Clay said that it's been like a year and a half.
Howard asked Clay what he does for fun. Clay said that he doesn't leave his house very often. He said he will go see a show once in a while. He said he saw Mormon this week. He said that he got dressed up for Howard too. Howard said he needs a guy in his apartment. He said he should go on Grinder. Clay said he wont' do that. He said he's not that much of a whore.
Howard said Perez Hilton is on Grinder. He asked if he knows him. Clay said Perez has gotten nicer lately. He said that he has tried to right some wrongs. Clay said there is some history there with some of the stuff he's said. He said he is trying to make up for it though so he's proud of him for that.
Howard asked Clay if there's anyone who was so mean to him that he can't look them in the face. Clay said he doesn't think he has any enemies.
Howard asked Clay about Kelly Ripa who got mad at him for putting his hand over her mouth. Clay said she didn't let him talk. He said that was a heart breaking week for him. He said he felt bad about it. He said that he called Diane Sawyer afterward and asked what to do. He said she told him to send flowers and don't apologize. He said that she thought she'd understand. Clay said he had them ready to send on Monday. Then Kelly got on TV and did 3 full minutes bashing him. He said that Regis tried to change the subject but she kept going. Clay said he called and canceled the flowers.
Howard asked if that makes him more of a recluse. Clay said part of that comes from that mentality. He said that week might have been the hardest for him. He said he felt badly because he thought she took it in a way that she shouldn't have. He said then she went on The View and Rosie said that he was gay when he wasn't really out yet. He said it as just a tough week. Howard said that he doesn't think that she was being homophobic though. Clay said that when she said ''I don't know where that hand's been, honey'' and he never thought that she was being homophobic. Clay said if Mario Lopez had done that then she would have licked his hand. Clay said after that they tried to turn the whole thing around and they did a couple of things together.
Clay said that Diane told him to send the flowers now. He said he did that and Kelly was told he was flying out at 1 and to call before then. He said his flight was delayed and she called late. He said that he answered and she apologized. Clay said that he was going to go back on the show and bring Purell with him. He said that she won't have him back on that show. Clay said they haven't seen each other since then. Clay said he doesn't like having an arch nemesis. He said he doesn't think of her that way but that's what it's like. Clay said he thinks Howard was part of it too. Howard said he was. He said he remembers saying that a man has to be careful how he approaches a woman. Clay said he knows that. Howard said that even if you're a woman and do that it's very aggressive. He said it's shocking and violating. Clay said it was supposed to be a joke. He said that her comment was supposed to be a joke. He said it was two jokes that didn't get laughs. He said actually his joke did.
Howard asked if he was filling in for Regis for a week. Clay said that it was just on a Friday. He said once that shit went down the blackball was thrown at him.
Howard said he thinks that Clay may have felt pressure that day. Howard said he must have been like ''Let me talk and take over.'' Clay said it was like that. He said they were all watching him and he didn't have a moment to talk so that's when he did that. Howard said he can understand why he would want to hide in his apartment after that. Clay said that people all wanted a picture of him with his hand over their mouth after that.
Howard asked Clay if he minds people asking for pictures. Clay said he's gotten used to it. He said that he takes the phone and takes the photo himself. He said that way it goes quicker. Howard said that Clay lost out that job with Kelly to another black guy. Howard said this is the Clay Aiken life.
Howard gave Clay a plug for his show and said that they kept the show moving and it's really good. Howard said that he's covered it all. Clay said they went through his whole life story. Howard said he should get started dating. Howard said he has to get on that.
Clay said when people friend him on Facebook if the guy is cute he'll accept them. He said that there is no particular look though. Howard asked who he finds attractive. Clay said he likes Seth Macfarlane. He said he likes dimples. Howard said he can set him up with Seth. Clay said that might not work out well. Clay said he'll accept guys on Facebook, look at their pictures and then he'll unfriend them. He said this particular guy was online and he ended up talking. He said they went out to dinner and they had some romance. Howard asked if the guy broke up with him. Clay said he did. Clay said that he was a law professor too. Howard said that could have worked out nice. Clay said they're still friends. He said that he was an Aries and they're flighty.
Howard asked Clay if he's ever been with a closeted celebrity. Clay said if he was he wouldn't tell him. Clay said he hasn't though. Howard asked if he's been with a celebrity. Clay said maybe. He said at the time he wasn't a huge celebrity. Howard said it was a pleasure having Clay in there. Howard gave him some more plugs for his documentary. Howard said that is on this Tuesday at 10pm on Esquire. Howard thanked him for coming in and Clay said that he's been a fan of him for a long time. He said they met one time when he was in Vegas at a Craps table. Howard said he remembers that. Howard said that was a bunch of years ago. Clay said that was in 04 or 05 or something. Howard said maybe he'll hook him up with Bradley Cooper. Clay said maybe he could hook him up with a gay man. Howard said maybe he'll do that. They wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said he got a note saying that it smelled so bad. Jason said he went in there to pee and he had to shit. He said he used Poo Pouri and he may have gone overboard with it. Jason said he went, courtesy flushed and then used the PooPouri again. He said that was his mistake. Howard said that bathroom should just be for peeing. Howard said that you should shit in the main bathroom. Robin said she came out and said she thought she smelled. Robin said she opened the door and Clay was right there. Robin said she ran and felt horrible. Howard said now Clay thinks she shit. Robin said she had to get out of there. Robin said she just ran. She said she was like ''Oh no!''
Howard said Jason has embarrassed everyone. Robin said that she wanted to have a few more words with Clay but she had to get out of there. Howard told Gary to write a note to Clay. Jason said he'll write it. Jason said he was coming in to take pictures in there and he had to go. He said he shits out in the main bathroom every day and he hates every second of it. Howard asked how often he shits. Jason said it's twice a day. Howard said he eats a lot of stuff. Jason said he's never using that bathroom again. Howard said he looked at Jason and thought that he looked guilty. Jason said it was all him. Howard said Robin got caught up in it. Howard said now Clay thinks it was Robin. Jason said he's really sorry.
Howard said he got a note saying that Jason leaves ass hairs all over the toilet seat. Jason said that's not true. Will Murray came in and said that there was ass and back hair all over their toilet when they were roommates. He said that it was horrific. Jason said that their bathroom was so small you had to sick cockeyed on it or your knees would hit the wall. He said he wanted to hire a maid but Will didn't want to. Will said they had a chicken living there too so they had chicken shit all over the apartment. Jason said he was a white chicken and they sent it to a farm and the other chickens were black and brown and they didn't mingle.
Jason said he was honest and he came in and admitted the whole thing. Gary said that they know who goes in there so people won't hold the door for anyone. Gary said that if you hold the door then you don't know that person used the bathroom. Jason said that no one can use anyone else's card to go in there. Jason said he will never go in that bathroom again.
Howard said no one is to shit in that bathroom. He said if you have to pee that's fine. Howard said that Robin and Benjy don't have that luxury but everyone else can go out in the main bathroom. Howard asked Fred if he shits there. Fred said he goes to the other bathroom to poo. Howard said Benjy must shit in there. Benjy said he actually thinks the communal bathroom is a bonding thing. Gary said it's not. Gary said it's embarrassing. He said he wants to change his shoes when he goes in there so no one knows you're in there. Howard said he would join a local gym and go there.
Benjy asked if they cover the seats when they go to the bathroom. Howard said of course. He said he won't even touch the toilet paper. He said he uses his foot to flush and he rips off the first sheets of paper to make sure that goes away. Gary said he wipes the toilet seat and then puts paper on the seat.
Gary said he went into the bathroom and had to use the handicap spot. Gary said that the guy needed a wide stance and his foot ended up against his foot. Gary said that he wanted to say something but he didn't. Gary said he didn't wiggle his foot to tap it so he doesn't think it was a gay thing. Howard said that's how gay guys meet. Howard said that's how he and JD met.
Howard asked JD what's up. JD said some people need to aim a little better. JD said that he will wipe down so he doesn't get blamed. Gary said he's seen hair in there after peeing. He said they must not notice. Howard said Richard claims he saw Cousin Brucie's cock in there and it's huge. Gary said older guys don't seem to have any modesty. Howard said he keeps himself right up against the porcelain.
Richard came in and said this was years ago that he saw Brucie. He said that he was just talking to him and then he saw his arm going up and down like he was shaking a lasso. Howard asked if he's over 8 inches. Richard said he didn't get that close. Howard did his Cousin Brucie impression for a couple of minutes. That led to him doing his Zacherley impression too. They said he's still around and he's in his 90s.
Howard said Richard saw Brucie's cock. He's jealous. Howard said the man is an icon. They played a prank call the guys made to a phone sex line with clips of Howard doing his Brucie impression.
Howard did more of his Brucie impression and talked about Rick Sklar who used to work at a local station there in New York. Howard said that he was the programming guy and they were huge in the ratings.
Howard said that JD left work early a couple of weeks ago to shit. He came back after. Richard said he shits in the main bathroom out there. Benjy said you can take your time out there because no one is waiting. He said home is the best though. Howard agreed. Howard said he never has to shit during the day. He said he gets home and he shits. Richard said you can train your bowels. He said he shits in the morning and then later at night. Howard asked if he minds talking about that for the next half hour. Richard said he'll tell the story about cooking his shit in the Folgers can. Howard said the Cousin Brucie story was better. Howard asked if he was circumcised. Richard said he thinks he wasn't. He said older guys aren't as much as younger guys.
Howard said he hasn't shaved his bush in a while and he has hair longer than his cock. Howard said all of his pubes are dark black even at his age. Richard said he doesn't believe him, prove it. Howard said he almost tricked him. Richard asked if he can pull one and show them. Howard said probably. He tried to pluck one but it hurt so he asked for scissors. Howard said he hopes he doesn't cut his cock off. They gave him the scissors and Howard cut a pubic hair off. Howard showed Richard the hair. Richard said ''Wow!'' He took the hair. Robin said he's going to put them in a box. Richard said they're worth money. Howard told him to give them back. Richard licked them. Howard still asked for them back. He said he's a fucking nut job. Richard said his are bright red. Howard kicked him out a short time later.
Mariann said that she listened to the Flaming Lips special and it was great. She asked if he's definitely going to be on Letterman on the 11th. Howard said he is but she doesn't have to be there. He hung up on her and played her off with a song parody.
Howard said that Letterman has gotten so edgy lately. Howard said that he has a clip. He played an Evil Dave clip where he was interviewing Kim Kardashian and asked if she's the whore who made the sex tape with the black fellow. He said he wanted to make a tape right there with her and Biff.
Howard said that's so ''racialist'' and everything. He said he did something similar with Taylor Swift. Howard played another Evil Dave clip where Dave sang to Taylor.
Howard said that he knows this is going to be his last appearance ever with Dave. He said he just wants to go on and say a few nice things to him but people expect the waters to part when he goes on. Howard said it's too much. He said he just wants to have a discussion with Dave. Robin said he can do that. Howard said he thinks that he will. He said he doesn't want to prepare. Howard said he just wants to go out there.
Howard said they went outside Letterman's studio and asked the people asking what they thought of Dave saying that Johnny Carson was going to be his last guest. He said people have no idea that Carson is dead. Howard played some clips of people talking about how great that will be.
Howard said he bets that Letterman's pubes are grey. He asked Fred if his are. Fred said they're not. He said the rest of his hair is but not down there. Howard said Richard is so fucked up that he licked his pubes.
Sal came in and said the thought of a guy jerking off to him creeps him out. He said this guy is way over the top. Gary asked if it makes him feel bad about talking about jerking off to women. Sal said he feels like a woman would feel. Howard asked if he'll stop jerking off to women. Sal said nothing will stop him from doing that.
Howard said he jerked off to YouPorn last night. Howard said he found a good one. He said they change them every day. Howard said that this blond haired girl can't get her car to start so two ass clowns come up to her and say she can use their phone at home. They take her home and the house looks awful. Howard said that the guy asks what she does for a living and she eventually admits she works in a strip club. Howard said the guy asks her to show them something. She lifts up her shirt and then the guy asks to see her ass. She does that and the guy's finger is in her vagina. He said that's all he needed. Howard said he's so embarrassed.
Gary came in and told Robin about how YouPorn works and how you have to have an account to save favorites. Sal said he's a member. He said he changes the name of the folder to Verizon or something. Gary said he doesn't want them having a history of what he watches. Sal said that TubeGalore is really great too. He said it's wonderful.
Howard asked Sal if he doesn't want that guy to come on the show. Sal said he's flattered by the guy but he also thinks he's kind of stalkerish. He said that he heard him talking about jerking off to him and it freaked him out. Howard asked if he's hot if he'd let him jerk him off. Sal said no way. Howard asked if Jon Leiberman knows this guy. No one was sure. Sal said he's not sure how he even found out about the guy. Howard got a note saying that the guy left a voice mail and that's how Jon got in touch.
Howard congratulated Sal on getting someone interested in him. Fred played some of Mark McGrath singing ''Jacking Off to You''.
Howard said that character Dr. McDreamy died on Grey's Anatomy. Howard said some girl was watching and a guy taped her crying. Howard played the clip and the girl was getting pissed at the guy for taping her crying. She said that she can never get emotional because he never lets her. Robin said that Patrick Dempsey must be flattered hearing that.
Howard said he has audio of Big Foot trying to talk into his phone and he eventually realizes that it's upside down. Howard played the clip and Sal was trying to talk to him but Big Foot said he couldn't hear him. He eventually turned it around and said that it was upside down. Howard said that's easy for Robin but not for Big Foot.
Robin said some fans are petitioning ABC to bring Patrick Dempsey's character to the show. Howard asked how they could do that. Robin said that they killed off Bobby Ewing on Dallas. Robin said he came back.
Howard played a clip of Eric talking about how he isn't going to have a woman telling him what to do so he'll never get married. Eric said he doesn't want to be locked down.
Howard played another clip of Eric talking about wanting pancakes and sausage to eat. He had another clip where Eric was fantasizing about more food. Howard said he's up near 400 pounds now. He said that food is killing him.
Howard played a clip of Eric talking about his neighbor who tried to keep him out of the men's room there in his building.
Howard said Eric went shopping with Joey Boots and he was out of breath after just walking down one aisle. Howard said Joey isn't a lightweight either but he was pointing out that Eric wasn't buying anything healthy at all. Howard played that clip and Joey was trying to talk sense to Eric but Eric just bought junk food. Joey tried to talk him into getting some celery or something. Howard said what he loves is that Joey is the brilliant one. Howard said there's a clip of Eric grunting when he bends down too. It didn't even sound like Eric.
Howard said Eric will comparison shop and he'll try to figure out which one is best. He said that it doesn't seem like he's doing accurate math. Howard said Eric buys that whole Halloween pack of 3 Musketeers. Howard played more audio of Joey talking to Eric about what he's about to purchase. Eric said it's not healthy but it's worth it. Then Joey is talking to Eric outside and Eric is saying he's proud of what he bought.
Howard said you can't get enough Eric between Leiberman and Joey Boots. Howard said he was going to play the grunt again but they removed the clip. Howard said that noise is the noise Elvis made before he died. Howard got the clip again and replayed it. Howard said he's not sure how much longer he's going to be with them.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in to talk about that special. Jon said it's on all week. Howard asked how long it took to edit and work on. Jon said that it took like 6 weeks total. He said there is a lot of production value in the presentation.
Howard asked what they learn about Eric in the special. Jon said they learn a lot about his enthusiasm for life but he's dying because of his diet. He said the apartment that he lives in is about the size of a jail cell. He said there is no kitchen. He said that his bed is covered in plastic because he still urinates in bed. He said his gaming systems take up space in the apartment. He said he has a 40 inch screen or so. Jon said his apartment is about 50 percent electronics and 30 percent food. He said that he has a fish named Howie. He said he had a 24 hour camera on the fish so he can keep and eye on it all the time. Howard asked how Joey's apartment is. Jon said Joey's is larger. He said his is about 200 more a month. He said that it's closer to the bathroom and he has more of a kitchen set up than Eric does. He said they have a dining room in the building and they provide food there. He said it's good meals too. Howard said for a guy who makes no money he has meals, a Playstation and more. He said it's not such a horrible life. Jon said he has a driver to his therapy appointments too. He said that he really doesn't have a bad life.
Howard said they took Eric's picture out on the street and asked if the government should be paying his bills. Howard played the clip and people were saying that we should be paying for all of that. Jon said that Eric is very adept at meeting people and getting the to pay for things. He said that he's in the top 5 of people who can talk people into helping them. Jon said that he gets email from people all the time telling him what they've given to Eric.
Jon said that Eric got a job working in a pet store for a week. Jon said Eric had lost his fish and he called a random guy asking if he could give him a fish. He gave him the fish. Then Eric shows up asking for money to help pay for the food and all of that. He said Eric keeps coming back asking for more money. He said Eric got $300 from the guy and a week later he goes back for more. Jon said he feels bad for this guy because Eric kept asking for more. The guy put his foot down and said he could work for him. He said Eric has been working there and he's doing a good job. He said that Eric watches the animals and takes them for walks. Howard said it sounds like he isn't working that much but the guy is just helping him out.
Howard gave Jon some plugs for the special that's airing this week. Jon said that some people seem to play it up for Howard but you can't make this stuff up.
Howard asked Jon if he ever tries to lecture Eric or does he remain impartial. Jon said he tries not to but Eric will say something that just makes you want to say something. Jon said that Eric has enough people telling him what to do. He said that Eric has stopped shitting in public and he only goes in the bathroom there in the building.
Howard asked if Eric ever masturbates. Jon said he does and you get the sense that if he's not doing that he's doing something for long periods of time. Jon said there are people who told him about things that Eric has done there. He said that some of them just don't want to get involved in it all. Howard said you have to tune in for the special that's airing this week. Jon said you want Eric to do what he says he wants to do so you root for him. Howard asked if Eric asked for any money. Jon said he didn't but Big Foot did. He said he pulled his wallet out at lunch one day and Big Foot said to him ''Can I have a couple of those?''' and he was talking about the money. Howard said this stuff is more dangerous than covering a war. Jon said it really is in some ways.
Howard wrapped up with Jon and did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard asked if he asked Scalia to come say hello to his table. Gary said he did not. Howard said the guy has to be close to 80. Fred said he's 79. Howard said that's a cool gig. He said you keep it for life. Gary asked how you make money. Howard said they do speaking engagements and things like that. Howard said he bets they get paid. Benjy said he thinks they do it off season. Howard asked what off season is.
Howard said they should have gone up to him and said they were arguing over something really dumb and asked him to judge on it. Gary said they could have asked about Benjy and Elisa. Fred said they get paid about $250,000 a year.
Howard gave Pete a plug for his show since he was going around doing interviews. Howard said they should get to some news.
Howard said they figured out that his old chair is 22 years old. Howard asked who figured that out. Gary said Scott DePace figured it out. Gary said that it's at least 22. He said it could be 24. Howard said that he likes the new chair he's trying out today. Howard said that they were thinking that the old one might crash at some point.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who said his episode of Blue Bloods is on this Friday on CBS. Eric said that he went food shopping with Joey and the sound he made was from his back hurting him. Howard said they're looking forward to all of this coverage. Howard said he's enjoying the coverage but Eric is going to die from all of this. Eric said he's having Frosted Flakes and some Hawaiian Punch. He's having peanut butter and jelly for lunch and more Hawaiian Punch. Howard said he had to go. Eric said he loves Howard and Robin and then Gary. Howard let him go after that.
Robin asked if Howard was a helicopter parent or a free range. Howard said he hovered over them so he was a helicopter. Howard said he was so afraid of anything bad happening to them. Robin asked if that's good or bad. Howard said it's probably a bad thing. Howard said that they'd go swimming at someone's house and he'd hover and he'd be told not to. Howard said that's one way of losing your kid and he had to keep an eye on them. Howard said now he's doing it with his parents. He said that he's afraid that they're going to fall down or something. Robin said that the free range parent thing is taking over now and the parents think that it will make the kids find self sufficiency. Robin said that one couple had the police call saying that their 10 and 6 year olds were walking around by themselves. Howard said he was free range as a kid because no one cared.
Howard said he got reports about Benjy walking down the street crying all weekend. Benjy said he has cried but he was on Facebook. Howard asked if he was out crying on the sidewalk. Benjy said that he has been doing Spin class but he doesn't remember crying. Gary asked if he left the building crying on Wednesday. Benjy said he doesn't think so. He was very emotional that day. Howard said he should cry in the bathroom. Benjy said he can't, it stinks.
Robin read about the Bruce Jenner interview that happened on Friday night. Robin said that Bruce revealed that going public isn't easy. She had some clips of him talking about that. Robin said he also said he's not sure if he will have transition surgery. Robin had a clip of that too. Bruce said if he has it done he'll do it quietly. Howard said that family doesn't do anything quietly. Robin read about people who were coming out to support Bruce. Robin said Lady Gaga Tweeted about him. Robin had details about a lot of other people who were supporting him on Twitter. Howard said he's dedicating the whole show to Bruce today so take that. He said he wishes he'd come in there and get interviewed properly. Robin said she doesn't think he could do that. She said maybe in a couple of years.
Howard said Robert Downey Jr. is coming in tomorrow. Robin said he walked out of an interview the other day. Howard said he saw that. Howard said the review of the new Avengers was amazing in the Daily News. Howard said that he has to see the movie.
Robin read a story about Brian Williams and what they're going to do about him. Robin said that NBC found more stories that he was embellishing. Robin said that they say that the audience is more and more against him after finding out what he's embellished. Robin said his suspension isn't up until August. Robin said NBC is being pressured to make a decision. Robin said that it may not go Brian's way based on what they're saying now. Robin had some audio of some people talking about the situation and saying it's not that big of a deal. Howard had some other clips of people talking about how he was dismissed unfairly. Howard said this is a good lesson for his fans. He said this is the way for people to react if he ever gets caught doing anything wrong.
Robin read about the White House Correspondents Dinner. Howard reminded her of what Gary did with Bradley Cooper there asking him to say hello to his table. Robin had some audio clips of the President speaking at the dinner. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a big bet that P. Diddy is making on Floyd Mayweather for next week's fight. Robin said that he's pairing up with Mark Wahlberg on a high profile bet of $250,000. Robin said that Wahlberg has Manny Pacquiao in the bet. Howard said he has some audio of 50 Cent talking about how he has $1.6 million on the fight. He played that clip for Robin. Howard said that's from the Power 105 Breakfast Club wherever that is. Howard said that Mayweather better win. Howard said rappers are usually very cautious with their money. He said that they've already won so he's not sure why they'd gamble that money.
Robin read about how if Jeb Bush runs that George W Bush won't be involved. Howard said that's a good thing for Jeb. He said his brother has ruined things for his family name. He said that what he did has left a bad taste in people's mouths. Howard said he thinks that Jeb is raising a ton of money. He said that he should change his name to Jeb Ronald Reagan. Gary said they did a great documentary about Dick Cheney. Howard said he won't watch that. He said he knows more about House of Cards. Gary said he just started with this season. Howard said he thinks this season is great. Robin said she didn't enjoy this one as much. Howard said he thinks he likes it for the reason that most people don't. He said that it's not over the top stuff, it's just him going through being President. Howard said he loves the relationship between him and his wife. Gary asked if the President is bi-sexual. Howard said it seems that he is. He said once in awhile he gets weird. Howard said Robin Wright is so hot though. Gary said he thinks she's in her 50s. Then he said she's almost 50. Benjy said she just turned 49. Howard said she is so fucking sexy. Gary said he thought it was great when the president was curled up in the fetal position and his wife fucks him just to get him back to normal.
Robin read a story about the earthquake in Nepal that hit over the weekend. Howard wondered when we're going to be able to stop that stuff. Robin said she's not sure that they will be able to even get a warning. Howard said they need to invent it. Robin read about the rescue workers who have been working non stop there. Robin said there are 200 stranded climbers on Mt. Everest because of the earthquake. Robin said that this reminds her of the Twilight Zone episode where this woman was fighting an infestation and it turned out to be astronauts who landed on a planet of giants. Howard said there are people who can tell when a Tsunami is going to hit because they're used to it hitting their land. Fred kept playing a clip of George Takei saying ''tsunami'' when Howard would say it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the earthquake that was a 7.8 on the Richter scale. Robin said that they think that more than 3000 people have died.
Robin said that there have been hostages taken by Islamic terrorists. Robin said that families are told they are not allowed to deal with the terrorists in this country. Robin said now they say that families may be allowed to pay ransoms. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said it doesn't seem to work out when they do pay them off. Howard said we just have to stop going to those countries.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he heard the story about Sherri Shepherd not wanting anything to do with a chid she had with a surrogate. Robin said she did report on that. Howard said he has met Sherri and she was very nice to him. Howard said if you order a child then it's yours. He said you can't just say you don't want it. Robin said that a lot of women who are in that program are financially strapped and now they're stuck with a baby they didn't want. Howard said that's what he's saying. Howard said once you sign on the dotted line that's your baby. There are no give backs. Howard said this is why he's against surrogacy. Howard said that she was also the one who thought the world was flat. Howard said he told her that she was right and there is no proof that it's round. Howard said the way to avoid this problem is Trojan. He went into a live commercial read for Trojan.
Robin read a story about some drone strikes that wound up killing an American hostage. Howard said that's unfortunate for sure. Robin said they're looking into drone strikes and they want to take them out of the hands of the CIA. Howard said that would be a tragedy. Robin had some clips of some people commenting on that. Howard said the drone strikes have done a lot of good.
Robin read a story about same sex marriage and how that's what they should have interviewed Scalia about at the dinner. Robin read more about the marriage thing and had some audio clips of people talking about that.
Robin read a story about Chipotle being the first fast food restaurant to serve all GMO free foods. Robin said they're starting today with that. Robin said that they were the first to identify all GMO ingredients in there food 2 years ago.
Robin said that Pepsi is dropping Aspartame from their drinks and they will be using different sweeteners. Howard said he's not sure how anyone drinks that shit. He said he doesn't understand that whole industry.
Robin read about some of the winners in the Daytime Emmy Awards. Robin said that Tyra Banks was hosting the show. Robin said Betty White won a Lifetime Achievement award. Robin had some audio of her speaking. Robin had audio of Melissa Rivers talking about the loss of her mother at the awards.
Robin read a story about Alex Rodriguez having a good year with the Yankees so far. Howard said they stopped the wicket Mets winning streak. Robin said he's just one home run away from Willie Mays record. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. Jon said he's not sure where to begin today. He said they'll start off with the poll. Jon said they have Rahsaan there with the details. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Did Gary do the wrong thing at the Washington Correspondents Dinner?'' Jon said that he's curious to hear the results of that.
Jon said that Howard hit Gary with the Bradley Cooper thing right at the start of the show. Jon asked if Howard did the right thing. Tom said he thinks that Gary did the wrong thing so Howard was right. Tom said that you can't do that.
Jon said Gary felt he was helping but not hurting in that situation. He asked what he should have done. Tom said maybe Gary and Bradley are old chums but in most cases you don't do that. He said he thinks it's a faux pas. Jon asked if he likes hearing Howard go off on Gary. Tom said he is a fan of Howard's so whatever he wants to do is fine with him.
Jon said that Gary got hit with the cannon right off the start. He said that he must not want to do anything after that. Tom said he's sure that every table there would have liked Bradley to come to their table. Jon said they'll get Gary in there later to find out how he's feeling. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it shouldn't be surprise that they're yelling at Gary. He said he heard the Sternthology where Gary screwed up with Mike Judge. He said that the stars come to you and Gary doesn't have to go to them. He said he thinks Gary should go up and say hi but not ask him to come to the table. Tom said Gary doesn't have to suck up to Bradley Cooper. Jon said they do know each other but they're not best buddies. Jon said that gig has to be tough for a stand up. Tom said he'd rather pay a kid to kick him in the balls. He said the people there are so smug and this is all beneath them to laugh at you. Tom said they snicker at most. He said that's a tough room.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard is out of line there. He said that Gary is a producer for the Howard Stern Show and these actors are not God. He said why not walk up to the guy and ask him to say hi. Jon said he thinks Bradley did walk up to Gary and Gary asked to introduce him to the table. The caller said he's not sure why Howard is making such a big deal out of it. Jon said he thinks that Howard doesn't want to be bothered at events like that and he's comparing that to what Gary did. Tom said Gary is a flag bearer for the show so he may feel he's being besmirched as well.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this whole dinner thing is a joke. He said that he would have done the same thing as Gary did. He said Howard has done the same thing with McCartney. He said it's an in the moment kind of thing. He said he knows it's easy to go back and live a moment. He said he can't fault Gary for doing what he did though.
Tom said that Bradley seems like the kind of guy who would come up to you. He said he can't fault Gary for that. He said McCartney is like royalty and doing something like that to him would be a complete faux pas.
Jon moved on to talk about the bathroom incident. He said that they have had incidents in the past and no one is supposed to shit in there. Jon said that Jason fessed up to it and he gives him a ton of credit for saying he was the guy. He said what happened is that the crime was ignored. He said last time someone almost lost their job. He said they said if it happened again they'd be fired. Gary came in and said that Jason was excused because he fessed up to it.
Tom asked what would happen if he had volcanic diarrhea. Gary said that it's about the same distance. He said that it has been proven that it's best not to have a volcanic shit in their bathroom.
Jon said he thinks that Jason was smart to get it out there right away. That led to Richard eating Howard's pubic hair. Gary said they made sure they got that hair back from Richard too. He said there's no telling what he would have done with it.
Gary said that they also talked to Sal about the stalker thing. Gary said he asked Sal if he is going to stop treating women like that and Sal said he doesn't care about them.
Jon asked Gary about the Bradley Cooper thing. Gary said Bradley was right there and he just asked him to say hi. He said they had a giant discussion about whether or not Howard should go to that dinner. Gary said that is the definition of what Howard does not want to be involved in. They went to break after that.
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Jon said Howard put out there that Howard might not want to go to a dinner like that. Jon said he and Tom talked about how Howard put himself in Bradley's shoes and he would never want that going on. Gary said that they know that they're going to be stopped to talk to people there. Gary said they go into that knowing that. Gary said that he met a lot of interesting people there. He said he's not sure he got any specific guests but it was a fun event.
Jon said they had Clay Aiken on today and there's a documentary on about him running for congress. Jon said when he was on American Idol they had crazy viewership. Gary said Clay was on the show when the show mattered. Gary said it was a really good season. Jon said Clay still had some success with the show. He said that he liked Ruben and enjoyed his win.
Jon asked Tom how he felt coming in second. Tom said Clay came in second to a human so he has that over him. He said he likes Clay. Gary asked when the dogs are scheduled for the Wrap Up show. Jon said he doesn't think any time soon. Tom said that hurts.
Tom talked about working for America's Got Talent and how that worked out. He said that they all felt like indentured servants. He said the only ones happy to be there were the dogs. Gary said that's all a trade off.
Jon said that Tom was a comic before hand but it must have changed things for him. Tom said that he's sure it worked out for Clay. Tom said that he and the dog act were off the hook because they don't know what to do with them.
Gary said Clay said that he thought their season was good because these kids were coming out of obscurity. He said now the shows are different and you don't do it the same way. Gary said they had one woman on this season who had a record deal.
Jon said that everyone knows about the talent shows now so you may never get someone like Clay on a show like that again. Jon said that Clay didn't even know what Rolling Stone magazine was.
Gary said he and Jon talk about how things are always better in the beginning of a reality show. He said that even the show Survivor won't be as great as that first season. Gary said he and Jon love that show though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard has time to fill and he may have gone off on Gary over that. He said Gary was trying to do something positive for the company. He said you'd think Howard would want to be in their good graces. He said Howard's complaining can get to be a bit much. Gary said he's not sure what to say. He said he wishes it hadn't happened. Tom asked if it would have been rude not to ask. Gary said they were standing at the table and they had their backs at the table. Gary said it was a matter of asking him to just turn around to say hello.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he watched the dinner live and he saw Gary and yelled out Baba Booey. He said he wondered how he was going to get shit on Monday. He said he thought Gary came off well on the show. Gary said he thinks Howard is torn. He said part of it is that he's his producer and he should go there to meet these people. Then he wonders what the fuck Gary is doing there. He said he does have to fill time although that happened at the start of the show.
Jon asked Gary what Richard was doing by licking Howard's pubic hair. Gary said he doesn't know. Jon said he thinks Richard has wanted to see that for a very long time. Gary said he does too. Gary said he was shocked Howard went as far as he did. Gary said Howard got scissors and cut them. Jon said he's not sure what Richard would have done if they hadn't taken them away. Gary said Richard jerked off on a plate of glass and framed it and gave it to Howard for Christmas. Gary said he's not joking about that either. Tom said he's worried for the guy who had to frame it.
Jon said they have the High Pitch Eric special coming up after this show today. Gary said Eric has this really angry side. He said he can turn on someone and get really angry. He said he's so nice until he snaps. Gary said he's had trouble with the law in the past. Tom said he came to America's Got Talent like every day when they were shooting. He said everyone loved him.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and things like that. Jon was about to end the show but he forgot about the poll. Rahsaan said that 70 percent said that Gary was not wrong. Gary said he wants to say he's sorry to Bradley even though the people think he wasn't wrong. He said he'd like to get a message to Bradley apologizing. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:55am.
Howard started the show talking about how many big shows there are out there. He said there are a million shows going on in the hall. He said eventually everyone will have a show. Robin said if everyone has one then no one will be listening.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said he has his own podcast. Howard said all of their callers have their own shows. Wheels asked if anything is going on with Benjy and Elisa. Howard said he's out of that so he doesn't care. Wheels asked what he thinks about it when people do a #Stern thing. Howard said he doesn't know anything about it. Howard said that they're trying to create a business off of this show. Howard said he doesn't care about it anymore. He said Benjy works with him so he's not done with him. He said he doesn't know. Howard said he likes when Benjy and Elisa speak on the air because it makes no sense to him. Howard asked them to leave #Stern out of it. He said that's so stupid. Howard asked about #WhatTheFuckAreYouTalkingAbout. Howard thanked Wheels but he had another question.
Wheels asked if he would rather be climbing Mt. Everest or ask for directions in Baltimore. Howard said Mt. Everest. Howard said Robin was supposed to go to Baltimore on Thursday. Robin said she doesn't think that she's going. Howard said Robin was going to go there and riot to get a can of Pringles and some syrup. Robin said she was going to try to burn something. Howard asked if she can believe what's going on there. Robin said they can't afford this. She said nothing comes of burning things down. She said they just have a worse neighborhood to live in. Howard said the mayor doesn't know what to do. Robin said this would have never happened if she was Mayor. Robin said she grew up on those streets. She said she knows what's going on. Howard let Wheels go and said #HaveAGoodDay. They played him out with a song parody.
Howard took a call from a guy who calls him Pinnochio who asked who did his nose job. Howard said he won't say the name of the doctor. Howard said that he just wanted a manly looking nose. Robin said this caller looks really ugly. The caller said Howard is really ugly and he has a big mouth. Howard said this guy is just as ugly as he is. Howard said this guy has a big mouth too and no one cares about him. Howard asked how David is doing and then told him to have a good day.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would ever bang Beth in a stranger's house. Howard said sure. He said that he doesn't recall staying at anyone's house since he's been married. Robin said he does sleep at someone's vacation house. Howard said that's a rental house. Howard said they do bang there. Robin said they bang in hotels too. Robin said there's nothing better than that. The caller said he has a podcast and got a plug in for that. Howard said everyone is a star.
Howard played a clip of them playing a Wack Pack Phone Game where they tried to get a plug spread around for Clay Aiken's show. They went from Elephant Boy to Bobo and then eventually Mark the Bagger and the plug turned into ''Suck my dick'' from Mark the Bagger.
Howard played a prank call a fan made to a talk show where they got in a mention for Ronnie and Gary Dell'Abate's big fat ass sucking Jon Hein's big fat cock. The host of the show said that's a family oriented show so they don't appreciate that.
Robin said that she moved down to the shore and her neighbor said she knew she'd move because of a barking dog down the street. Robin said that's nothing compared to what she has to hear.
Howard had Memet who lives in Harlem come in. Howard asked how far up he lives. Memet said he lives in the 140s. He said he's the only white guy he ever sees there. He said one night he was walking to his front door and Memet said 'You're in our hood now mother fucker.'' He said he shares a one bedroom with a black dude. He said that he gets the bedroom and his roommate stays in the living room. Howard asked how he got the room. Memet said that he isn't sure about that. He found the room on Craigslist.
Howard asked Memet if he has a TV and stuff. Memet said that he is working on that. He said he has a TV but it's not plugged in. He doesn't have cable. Robin said you need cable. Howard asked if he can use an antenna. He said he's not sure if it works. Howard asked if he brings girls there. Memet said he doesn't bring them there.
Howard played the clip of the woman screaming on the street again. Howard said if he ever sees a white guy there he should said ''You're in my hood now.'' Howard said he should interview him about the sex party he went to. Howard said that he should talk to him about the sex party he went to. Memet said he went to this party and he had never seen anything like that. Howard said people were just fucking everywhere. Howard said this is right up Benjy's alley. Howard said that would freak him out if he saw that. Memet said he's never seen two people having sex before. He said it was going on everywhere. He said they're normal people and they're wearing carnival masks. Howard said it's like that movie with Tom Cruise. Memet said that's ''Eyes Wide Shut.'' Howard asked if the girls were hot. Memet said they were. He said he was talking to them. He said that he talked to a high school teacher there. He said that the girls were giving the vibe that they'd fuck him there. Howard asked if they were naked. Memet said they were. Howard asked if they wanted him to stick his dick in them. He said one girl attacked him. He said that he was dressed and just talking to someone. He said he felt a hand grab his arm and this girl yanked him onto a bed. He said she told him that he was going to fuck her right now. He said he was working though.
Howard asked if the girl thought he was a pussy for not fucking her. He said she probably did. He said she was really aggressive. He said she's some columnist at some magazine. He said her face was an 8 and her body was a 10. Howard said he wouldn't want to fuck someone in a room full of people. Howard said that would get freaky doing that.
Howard asked if guys were wearing condoms. Memet said they were available but he's not sure if they were being used. He said that they took pictures ahead of time to make sure they were good looking. He said the girls were all hot. He said the guys weren't all that good looking. He said it was wild.
Howard had some audio from the NY Sex Party. Memet said he's not sure what the name of the party was. Howard played clips and people were talking about what they were doing to their partners and some of the crazier stuff they've done.
Memet said he talked to one woman who said she had double anal that night. He said that he was surprised by that. He said that's two dicks in her ass.
Howard played a clip of a woman talking about getting peed on and how she likes that. Memet told Howard that she was really hot. The woman told Memet that she spit her boyfriend's cum back into his mouth and he swallowed it.
Robin said the party is called ''Killing Kittens.'' Howard wondered what that's about. Howard asked Benjy if he knows. Benjy said he's not sure. He said that he's not into this stuff now. He said that he is looking for love and marriage. Howard said this is such a weird thing. Robin said that it's Kate Middleton's friend who is throwing these parties. Memet said that he thought that it was only something that happened in the movies.
Howard played another clip of a woman talking about why she came to the party and saying she teaches high school English.
Howard asked Benjy if a guy came on him. Benjy said that was Artie. Howard asked Memet if he got any load on him. Memet said he didn't. Howard played more clips of people talking about what they do sexually. Memet said that this guy was really ugly. He said all of the chicks were good looking but the guys were ugly. They spent a few more minutes on that before Howard let Memet go.
Howard said he watched some Letterman shows that he had recorded. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld was on. He said he did stand up first. Howard said he finds that interesting. He said Jerry loves doing that. Howard said then he sits down with Dave. Howard said that's Jerry's move. Howard said everyone is getting trotted out for an appearance. Robin said John Mellenccamp did a tribute to Dave last night. Howard said Billy Crystal did a song too. Howard said he should do a song with Paul too. Howard wondered what Paul is going to do after the show. Howard wondered what Biff will do. Robin said he has a problem. Robin said he may work on the new show. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said Stephen Colbert is going to do the show there.
Howard said Robert Downey Jr. will be in later. Howard took a call from a guy who said Playboy.com named Howard the best interviewer of all time. The guy said they also had people like David Frost, Mike Wallace, Johnny Carson, Barbara Walters and Bob Costas on the list. Howard talked about some of those interviewers and what he thought about them.
The caller asked Howard about who he likes as his favorite interviews. Howard said that he's not sure about that. Howard said that some of the interviews you don't expect to be that great turn out to be great. Howard said you need people to open up to be a great interviewer. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld was particularly good. Howard said Jerry hasn't been back because of that. Howard said that Jerry said that he thought it was perfect and he doesn't think another interview can't be as good. Howard said he goes on Letterman all the time. Howard said Jerry says this one was too good.
The caller said that the Clay Aiken interview was very good even tough he doesn't care about him. He said that sometimes people don't deliver but then someone like Clay does deliver. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and asked what he was listening to. Fred told him that it was Train. Howard said that's right they did The Ocean.
Howard said they won an award. Howard said they want him to go and make a speech. Howard said they won a Webby. Howard said it was for the Howard Stern Birthday Bash. Howard said it was a great show so of course they won. Howard said they competed against some things that no one cares about. Howard read the list of things they were against. Robin said she's sure none of them were up to what they did with the birthday show. Howard said they say you can only give a 5 word acceptance speech. Howard said that's kind of funny. He said he might make his ''What, me worry?''
Howard said Jason saw The Avengers: Age of Ultron. Gary said that Robert is in the bathroom. Howard said he's good. Howard said that Robert is the star of the movie. Robert came in and said he's rockin an Etro jacket this morning. Howard said he really likes that. Howard asked what he's doing to stay looking so good. Robert said he's trying to get a webby because that keeps you young. Howard said he has a 5 word experience to come up with.
Howard asked if Robert has a stylist. Robert said of course he does. Robert said that it seems like you're going through a wardrobe as fast as you can while you're out there doing this stuff. Howard asked if he ever asks to keep the clothes. Robert said sure. Howard said he doesn't do this. Howard said he just goes and buys his clothes. Robert said he's so glad they're already on the probing topics. Howard asked if he's his first interview of the day. Robert said he is. Howard asked if he has more today. Robert said he keeps it light on a Howard Stern day.
Howard said he heard that the movie has made $200 million already internationally. Howard said the reviews are spectacular and the fans love it. Howard asked why bother doing promotion other than this show. Robert said there is a lot of data that shows that it is due to them going out and showing up. Robin said she loves the group interviews where it looks like a high school picture.
Howard said the film is built around Robert and his Iron Man. Robert said he has noticed that they keep broadening the story line. He said that it does feel like an ensemble. He said the universe is growing. He said he kicked it off but he's not the only reason it works.
Howard said he really likes the Iron Man comic book and he liked seeing him on his own. Howard said he should do them on his own. Robert said it's up to the company.
Howard asked if he has one of the Iron Man suits. Robert said he does now. He said he keeps it in his office. Howard asked if it's a real one or a replica. Robert said it looks like a real Mark 1 suit to him. Howard said that Jon Favreau gave him an Iron Man head. Howard asked if he's sorry he's not doing these movies now. Robert said he doesn't think so. He said he's doing stuff with Jungle Book and Chef and stuff like that.
Howard said Robert is doing what he tells people to do. He said he's sticking with Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes. Howard said when you hit a gold mine then you stick with it. Howard said that Iron Man is a rich character. Howard said he's getting $50 million a film. Robert said sometimes. Howard said that a lot of actors are idiots when it comes to the business. Robert said that some people are idiots and some of them are actors. Howard said some of these guys only last 2 films and they get out. Robert said that some of them aren't into it. He said that he fought so hard to get this and he realized how difficult it was. Robert said that only a complete moron would walk away from it.
Howard said Robert auditioned and he was so nervous he almost passed out. Robert said he was also very confident though. He said it's a weird thing. Robert said that there were moments there at the birthday bash that felt so big as a fan and he thought he'd have to be pulled back into his body. Robert said he was so hell bent on not dropping the ball that it almost happened automatically. Howard said that he'd be a fool to give it up.
Robin said once you do lock into it then you are given a freedom. Robert agreed. Howard said that Robert is working on a movie called Yucatan with his wife. Robert said that he wouldn't have been able to do that if he hadn't done all of this other stuff.
Robin asked where they're at with Geppetto. Robert said they're working on it and if anything happens he will let Howard know. Robert said that Ben Stiller is working on other things and he knows he's going to laugh his ass off when he does Zoolander 2.
Howard said every time he thinks about Tropic Thunder he thinks about how crazy it was that he took that role. He said they must have had to convince him to take it. Robert said there was a window when it was okay to do it. Howard asked if he got it from the script. Robert said he ran it by some people and they told him it would be good. He said that he wouldn't want it to come out today. He said it's all about timing. He said he was playing a great character in that one.
Howard said Robert invited him to his birthday party. He said he really appreciates that. Howard said they taped until 10:30 that night of the party though. He said that he was in the desert that night. Robert said talking about franchises he's glad he has America's Got Talent to fall back on. Howard said that's his Avengers.
Howard said that Robert turned 50 and he had this party. He said that must have been a great party. He said the gust list was awesome. Howard asked how his video went over. Robert said he knows what that's like and the video went over very well. He said he appreciates that he took the time to do it. Howard said he wasn't able to refuse doing that video. He said he did it out of obligation. Robin said he should hear how he whines when there is no obligation. Howard said Robert flew in and did the birthday bash so he had to do it. Howard asked if there were other videos. Robert said there were but Howard's was a stand out.
Robert said he can walk out on stage and people love it. He said if he even looks like Tony Stark they love it. He said that Howard's video was great. Howard said that he told Robert that they both matured and he ended up playing Happy Birthday in his arm pits.
Howard said that the party was in an airplane hanger. He had Steely Dan and Duran-Duran there. Robert said they were great. He said that they cost a couple hundred grand but they were worth it. Robert said thinking back on it, just a month ago, it was one of the most indulgent, self centered things that he tried not to make about himself. He said he just wanted people to have an experience. Robert said he was involved with the planning and they hired a party planner to handle it.
Howard said Steely Dan hates performing live. Robert said he has been to their concerts and he has gone back stage and they don't like to hang out after a show. He said he got to hang out this time.
Howard asked Robert if he has an arrangement with his wife where he has to get permission to spend over 500 buck. Robert said that is true. He said he has to get along with his wife so that's why he does that.
Howard asked Robert if he sat down with his wife and figured out how much they spent on this party. Howard said it must have been like a million. Howard asked if it was show business people and family or just show business. Robert said he had pals from high school there. He said that the ones who have cleaned up their acts are a hoot.
Howard asked if anyone from the Avengers were there. Robert said Jeremy Renner was the only one there. Howard said that he must only like him. Robert said he likes everyone equally. Howard read the list of names of people who were there. Robert got up and sang with Steely Dan and forgot the words. Robert said that they thought he knew the lyrics because he sang on the Wayne Brady show years ago. He said that he had no desire to go up there but they wanted him to. He said he would be so happy to just listen to something like Howard's show and never be a guest.
Howard read the guest list which included Jennifer Aniston. Howard said he must love her. Howard asked how he knows her. Robert said he knows her from dating Justin Theroux. Howard said Reese Witherspoon was there too. Robert said she danced all night. He said they kept cameras out of the party so people enjoyed it more. He said that they didn't worry about being annoyed with cameras. He said he wanted no one distracted by that kind of stuff.
Howard said Gwyneth Paltrow was there. Howard said she's very sexy. Robert said that his wife is very sexy. Howard said they all know. Robert said one woman threw her bra on stage at one point during the party. Howard asked about Dustin Hoffman, Jason Bateman, Edward Norton and others who were there. Robert said that he caught them whispering about how he was jumping around there. Robert said a buddy of his from high school was there and he stood there with his arms folded. He said that was his way of cutting loose. He said this guy knows how to cut loose.
Howard asked what a party like that goes for. Robert said a couple million. He said it was money well spent. Robert said when you got there you entered through a white tunnel. He said that they had some stuff from 1965 playing as you walked in. Robert said he went through the tunnel and got completely disoriented walking through. He said they had another zone that was for the 1970s. Robert said they had food stations and things like that there. Howard said he should have gone.
Robert said he realized that he hosted his own party and didn't have the experience that he really wanted. Howard asked if he's going to throw another party just for himself. Robert laughed. He asked how long the party was. Robert said it was over around midnight. Howard said he was livid that he wasn't able to make it. Howard said he never would have made it though. Howard said it was the one time he was invited to something.
Howard said last time he was there Robert said to him that he was in New York and he was going to take Sarah Jessica Parker to lunch. Howard said he even called Matthew Broderick and ask if that was okay. Howard said Matthew gave him the green light to do it. Robert said that wasn't required. Howard said when he writes and email to a woman he CCs his wife on it. Robert said you have to. Robert said that when you're looking in the back 9 and you're not a kid anymore you want to take care of some personal business with. He said he just wanted to say hi. Howard said that he was in love with her. Howard asked if he made amends with her. Robert said they were able to spend some time together and it was cool. He said they went to her place and then down the street. Robert said he got to meet her kids and he respects both of them so much. Howard said he'll go back and look someone up on Facebook just to see and know what's going on. Robert said that you make peace with the way life is. He said that you think you're going to be buried with a person but God has another plan for you.
Howard asked Robert about getting the green light from Matthew. Robert said he didn't have to. Howard said he contacted Sarah and then what. Robert said they went to her place and went out to dinner. It was her and a friend. He said that she was going out with her anyway so he tagged along. He said it just worked out that way. Howard said he must not have been able to say what he wanted to. Robert said he got it off his chest before dinner. Howard asked if he was being very self realized and all of that. Robert said he's nowhere near as evolved as he thinks he is. He said there is a familiarity with yourself. He said that he didn't burn that bridge with her so it was good. Howard said he must have spent several hours with her. Robert said he did. He said he would have loved to have seen Matthew. Howard said he gets it.
Howard asked if Robert is excited about the movie or is it enough already. Robert said he is excited. He said it's fantastic. Howard said he was speculating that the problem with the super hero movies is wondering how much more of it people can take. Howard said he watched Daredevil on Netflix and he loved it. Robert said he just saw Vincent D'Onofrio yesterday. He said that he played Kingpin in Daredevil. Howard said this guy is some actor. Robin said he always has been. Howard said he can see him teaming up in some way. Howard asked what he does with D'Onofrio. Robert said he was at Soul Cycle and he waited for him at his place. Howard asked if he has a security detail with him. Robert said he doesn't have to but he had just come from the stock exchange where Jeremy Renner rang the bell. Howard said he goes to hang with Vincent's place. Robert said they hung out in his office. He said his wife came home and he said hello to her. Howard asked what they talk about. Robert said they talk about everything. He said he played his big brother in The Judge. Howard said that's right. Robert said he's had a big resurgence lately and it's really good for him. Howard said that sometimes they forget about guys like that and then they remember them and it happens all over. Robert said that's the great thing about the business.
Howard said that he heard they had a slide that went into a ball pit at his party. Robert said Reese did that. He said some people that you wouldn't expect to do it were doing it. Howard asked if there were any kids there. Robert said there weren't. He said they had to do a lot of work on the slide to make sure no one got injured.
Howard said it's best that he didn't go to the party because he would have been hanging out in the ball pit to see Reese's panties as she came down the slide.
Howard said life is good for Robert. Robert said it is. Robin asked Robert about how he got involved in the arm that they gave to a kid who needed a prosthetic arm. Robert said they are printing 3D prosthesis arms and they told him that he wanted an Iron Man arm. He said they asked him to go along and he did it. He said the kid was kind of calm. He said that he has a great soul and he was a cool kid.
Howard said he read that he took his family out and he was surrounded by security people. Robert said they were invited to sit next to them. He said that it was so blown out of proportion. Robert said that he had like two guys there. Robert said he has seen situations where it's nutty and crazy. He said it was his dad, his step mother and kids and then some of his assistants and stuff. He said they left and they said they were going to run it in the Post the next day. Robert said they said he was like the President or something. Howard said he is in a way.
Robin asked if he likes going to Comic-Con. Robert said he felt like the king of Comic-Con one year and the whole thing has changed so much that everywhere feels like Comic-Con.
Howard asked if he misses being single. Robert said no. Howard said just imagine who he'd be fucking now. Robert told him to give him some names. Howard said just imagine his wife is abducted by aliens. Robert said that he'll save him some time. He said that the first minute and 17 seconds of being single would be fantastic. He said they say that animals mate for life and that's always been his disposition. He said he is a lifer. Howard said he has switched up a bunch of times though. Robert said he's not a swinging singles type of guy. Howard said he has a lot of fun though.
Howard asked when he last spent over 500 bucks and had to go to his wife. Robert said he did some shopping in London and forgot to call her. He said he will show her the receipts though.
Howard asked Robert about doing Letterman the other night. Robert said he wanted to say thank you to Dave for all of the years. Howard said Dave hates that stuff but that's what he wants to do too. Robert said the guy has been misunderstood but he's managed to keep that show going. Howard said it is hard to do that. Howard asked if Dave talked to him during the commercials. Robert said he did. He said they talked about their kids and things like that. Robert said Dave has been this one consistent thing that he can relate to.
Howard asked if he went to the Saturday Night Live thing. Robert said he wasn't able to make it. He said he would have gone if he could have. He said he was on in a year that wasn't something to be proud of. Robin asked if an Academy Award would mean anything to him. Robert said sure. He said he's not a megalomaniac. He said it would be nice.
Robin wondered who Robert admires. Howard said he admires him. Robert said he does. He said he got an email from Johnny Depp this morning and he is looking at what he's doing. He said that he still looks back at Donnie Brasco and things like that. He said he wonders if Johnny knows how versatile he is. Howard asked if he would want to work with him. Robert said he would. Howard said maybe he'll find something for the two of them.
Howard asked if Robert was supposed to be in Gravity with Angelina Jolie. Robert said that everyone ends up doing what they're supposed to do. He said sometimes someone ends up in a motorcycle accident and someone else gets the part. He said he was brought in every in the development and he went to do a test with a multi spherical camera thing. He said that he is one of those guys who can be comfortably uncomfortable but he went in that morning and after 20 minutes he said it was crazy. He said that they told him it would be another 2-4 hours and he said ''No it isn't...'' and got out of it at that point.
Howard asked if he liked Birdman. Robert said he loved it. Howard said he hated it. Robert said he doesn't know anything about theater then. Howard said that he loved Boyhood. Robert and Howard agreed on Whiplash and Boyhood. Howard asked if he was pissed he wasn't nominated for The Judge. Robert said he knew he wouldn't be.
Howard asked Robert if he feels he's on the back 9 of life. Robert said he is. Howard said that 50 is that age. Howard asked if he's working out. Robert said he does Wing Chung Kung Fu. He said that he has a trainer for that. Howard asked what he eats. Robert said he eats things that he shouldn't. He said that he tries to watch himself though. He said that he doesn't want to keel over during an interview in a press junket. He said he wants to stay healthy.
Howard asked what happened when he walked out of the interview. Robert said he wished he had left sooner. Robin said that people seem to be on his side in that. Robert said they should always be on his side. Robert said that guy, whose name he doesn't know, did the same thing to Quentin Tarantino and Tarantino stayed and lit the guy up. Robert said that he was out to promote this movie and he didn't want to get into that stuff that he was getting into. Robert said he's 50 years old and he is completely unevolved when it comes to boundaries. He said the guy was creeping him out. He said it was his first interview of the day and he wondered what the guy was thinking. Howard said he's not running for president. Robert said what he has to do in the future is figure that he has to distance himself from this clown. Howard asked if he thinks he could kick someone's ass because he takes the Kung Fu. Robert said he only does it for the work out. Howard asked if he has a black belt. Robert said he does and it's a real thing. He said that he thinks he could handle himself if he really had to.
Howard said they should send Robert to Baltimore to straighten things out there. Howard and Robin talked about how crazy things are down there.
Howard asked if he thinks he could take Chris Evans in a fight. Robert said he might get some shots in. Howard said he took Karate years ago and he would come home with a pulled groin every week. Robert said he'd love to see him lighting it up. Robert asked who is going to pull whose groin first. Howard asked if it's time to end this. Robert said he's got nothing else to do. Howard said he's there to promote the movie. Howard said that he's happy he came in to do it. He said that he's a good man. Howard said he thinks everything is good. Robert said he's right.
Howard asked Robert if he has anything to say to Fred. Robert said he does. He told Fred he's exhausted and has nothing else. Howard gave Robert some plugs for the movie The Avengers: Age of Ultron. Howard said the movie is getting great reviews. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said he thinks it might be empathic. Howard said that's not it. Howard said it's a bigger word than that. Tommy said that someone suggested that Howard do something weird on Letterman. He said he thinks he should grow the Hitler moustache. Howard said he would have done that years ago but not now. Tommy said he has a Charlie Chaplain moustache. He said he can come in tomorrow to show it to him. Howard said that's okay. Tommy said Robert was great today. Howard said he really is great. Howard said a guy like that doesn't have to do anything when you get 50 million a movie.
Tommy asked why he didn't ask Clay about the fister guy. Howard said he just forgot about it. Howard said that he did talk to him about the tabloid people. Howard said sometimes when you're gay you do stuff like that. Tommy said Clay was cool. He said the guy has balls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that maybe the big word is Vagina. Howard said maybe that's it. The caller said that he's the best at interviewing. He said all of the other guys on the Playboy interview list all tape and edit. He said Howard goes an hour without blinking. Howard said he likes what he's saying.
Howard took a call from Red Gypsy who said she thought that interview was phenomenal. Howard said Richard Roeper was up there and did a list of 5 Robert Downey Jr. movies that are worth checking out. Howard said he was nice enough to do that. Red Gypsy asked if Howard has been meditating twice a day every day since he was 18. Howard said pretty much. He said there were times when he wasn't able to do it. Howard said when he was a camp counselor he wasn't able to do it every day. He said it was just inconvenient. Howard said he used to work in kitchens and he would skip lunch to meditate. He said that one time the guy smacked him in the head for ''fucking off.'' He said that freaked him out. He said he was skipping lunch but the guy didn't understand when he tried explaining it to him.
Howard said Beth thinks she knew the word that he was trying to think of earlier. Howard said she thinks it's ostensibly. Howard said that's not it. Fred played clips of Sal trying to say prevalent. Howard said that's not it either. Fred played clips of George Takei saying ''Guacamole'' and ''Tsunami'' too but those weren't the words.
Howard said that he has some audio of Pat Robertson giving advice to a parent about how to deal with their child. Pat said that it doesn't hurt to smack an 11 year old around a little bit and tell them not to listen to that music. He laughed maniacally as he was talking about smacking kids around.
Robin said she would like to smack him around. Howard did his Pat Robertson voice and said that guy is on a tear. He said between how to beat a child and talking about the gays he's on a roll. Howard said that
Howard said he might play the helium leak phone call again. He said he played it earlier but he wants to hear it again. Howard played the prank call Sal made to a woman about a helium tank he wasn't able to get to work. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who used his name ''Tzvi'' and said he can't stop saying it. Howard had to correct him on the pronunciation. The caller said that Adam Levine is producing some show called Song Land. Howard said that they always had Adam on the show even when the band cooled down. Howard said that a lot of shows weren't having them on. Howard said right before he got on The Voice they would have him on whenever he wanted. Howard said then it paid off because now he's a big star and he's on there every other week. The caller said Howard always asks the right questions of guys like that and he likes Adam because of that.
The caller said he has been hearing things that Howard might be considering being on that show that Adam is producing. Howard said that's not true. He said he's already a judge. Howard said there's enough of him being a judge. The caller said that he has good questions about crafting songs and stuff. Howard said he's not part of it. He said that's enough of that already.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he's thinking about Simon taking over for him on America's Got Talent when he leaves. Howard said he wouldn't care if he did. Howard said he doesn't think he and Simon would be good on the show together either.
Howard played a clip of some people being asked what they think about Bill Cosby replacing Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. The people thought that was really happening. Howard said there are some Cosby supporters out there.
Howard asked where the clips are of people comparing him to Bill Cosby. Howard said they asked who they would prefer as a vice president. He said the white people picked him and the black people picked Cosby. Howard played that clip too.
Howard had Yucko the Clown on the phone. He was at a Star Wars convention and hammered some people there. Howard asked if he ever gets punched out when he says that shit. Yucko said one crazy dude who was dressed up like someone from the newer movies tried to swing his light saber at him. He said it hurt too. Howard said that he says some crazy shit to people to be funny. Howard played the Yucko clip where he was commenting on people there at the Star Wars convention.
Howard asked which guy was the one who hit him. Yucko said that guy didn't sign a release form. He said some people laugh that stuff off and some ask for their release form back. Howard said that he must get away with some of that because of the clown costume. Yucko called Howard his Yiddish name ''Tzvi'' a few times. Howard let him go after that. Howard said it's funny to see all of that stuff on video.
Howard said golfer Keegan Bradley loves the show and he has been trying to get in a Baba Booey during an interview. He said he finally got one in during a live interview. Howard played a clip of Keegan getting that in at the end of the interview.
Howard asked how old he was at the time. Matt said he was 13. He said the dog was a mutt. He said the dog wasn't very big. He said it was like the size of a beagle. Howard asked how he got the idea to pet the dog with is cock. Matt said he rubbed his cock on the dog's belly. Howard said of course it wasn't male. Matt said it actually was. Howard asked if he came. Matt said he did. He said he doesn't remember if he came on the dog or not. Howard said he wishes the dog bit his cock off.
Howard asked how long he was rubbing it. Matt said it was a couple of minutes. He said that his dad came out when the dog yelped. He said that his dad came in about the time he was cumming. Howard said his head is spinning.
Howard said that he must know that his dad is going to come back. Matt said he thought he was asleep. Howard asked what his dad said to him. Matt said he got into trouble and his dad beat him with a belt. Howard said that we don't advocate hitting a child but in this instance...
Howard asked if the dog got a boner. Matt said no. Howard said he doesn't know if they're hearing everything. Howard asked if he owns any pets. Matt said they have a parrot. Howard said he doesn't think you can fuck a parrot.
Howard asked what inspired him by Clarence Thomas. Matt said he was talking about watching bestiality porn and stuff. Howard said that he has never thought about doing any of that even in the most desperate times. Howard said that he won't fuck dog no matter what. Robin said you have to wonder if you want to go on. Howard said he'd hope to find someone. Howard said he would want to find an Angelina Jolie alive or someone. Howard said with his luck it would be Bruce Jenner.
Howard said he bets Matt would fuck Bruce Jenner. Matt said he would. He said he'd fuck Siobhan too. Howard said he bets he'd fuck Bruce's dog. Matt laughed and said no he wouldn't.
Gary said Jon Leiberman has some information on Matt. Howard said that Jon is doing the High Pitch Eric Embedded series this week. Jon said he has spent a lot of time with Matt on the phone and through email. He said that Matt sleeps on the couch after masturbating on it. Matt said he doesn't care how gross he is. He said it's usually the drippings after he's done. Howard said you'd think he'd want to keep the couch nice if he doesn't have much money. Matt said that he is the only one who uses it anyway.
Matt said that he can't talk to him and his wife at the same time. Howard told him to ask her what she's saying. She said something about the couch or something. Howard said that his wife is a little person. Jon said they have more about that and her condition.
Howard asked what Matt's wife thinks about the dog thing. She didn't like it. Jon said that Matt takes his nails and uses them to dig at his hemorrhoids. Jon said his wife has a major problem with that too. Howard asked Matt to ask her what she thinks about that. Matt said she says she wants him to put witch hazel on it. Howard said he has to stop scratching them. Howard said he's so vile. Howard said he must smell like shit.
Jon said he may have to go out there and he's not looking forward to that. Jon said that Matt has a lot of issues with neighbors and things like that too. Matt said their neighbor has been trying to get them kicked out. Howard asked what's up with that. Matt said his wife needs the parking space for her medical condition. Matt called her Giggles as a nickname. Jon asked what his wife calls him. Jon said he thought she called him Puppy. Matt laughed and said that she calls him Matty Matt.
Howard asked if Jon will watch him scratch his hemorrhoids. Jon said he will do what he has to do for the Embedded series. He said he may ask him to send a video instead. He said he thinks he could just witness the scratching.
Howard said he may have to sit on Matt's couch. Jon said he'll do that. He said that maybe he'll pull a Gregg Karmel and burn his clothes after. Howard said that he has a lot to cover there. Matt said he loves him. Howard laughed and let him go. Howard said Jon has to get out there. Howard said he should take the Sirius Jet out there.
Howard said Gregg actually resigned after that Big Foot thing. Howard said that's not true but Gregg did leave to go somewhere else. He said Gregg is a good guy and he appreciated working there for 12 years.
Howard played more of the audio and JD was watching some programs and making all kinds of noise. He was laughing and whooping and clearing his throat. Howard said he sounds like Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard said he's got a great deal there. Howard said he's paid to watch TV.
Howard said he has some Big Foot tape too but they've run out of time. Howard said he'll play a little teaser. Howard said they called Big Foot to fill out a dating profile. Howard played a clip of Big Foot talking about how he doesn't want to date a fat person. Big Foot said their pussy stinks. Howard said it is a man's world. They asked Big Foot if he'd date a woman with kids. Big Foot said he has and he took care of a kid when he was a dope dealer.
Howard played a clip of Big Foot talking about getting his Caddy back on the road. He said it needs brakes. Howard said they asked what hobbies he has. Big Foot talked about how he likes to smoke marijuana and cigarettes.
Howard played another clip of Big Foot talking about what his intent would be when he dates a woman. Big Foot said that he wants to have sex and make the woman cum. Howard said this one is about his mom and dad. Sal asked Big Foot to tell them about his parents. Big Foot said he doesn't like his mother and she doesn't like him. He said he had to leave her place because of all of the bullshit.
Howard said they posted the Big Foot thing on a dating site and he has 1000 negative comments already. Howard said they're all negative.
Howard played a clip of Sal asking what Big Foot does for a living. Big Foot talked about being a comedian and an actor and a bunch of other things.
Howard said they asked Big Foot about his longest relationship. Big Foot said it was 11 years but she turned him in for 2.4 ounces of marijuana.
Howard said they asked Big foot about his dating preferences. Big Foot mentioned a few things there. He also described his perfect date. It was all about drinking and sex.
Howard said they asked Big Foot what makes him unique too. They played that clip and then a song where Big Foot was singing about Robin. They went to break after that.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. They played her in with a song parody from Eli Braden. Robin started her news asking where Howard stands on organ donation. Howard said he's all for it except for his own. Howard said he thinks it would be weird if he gave his organs. Howard said that he feels he would know somehow that they were given to someone else. Robin said it is national donate life month. Howard said if he could exchange organs he might do that. Howard said now that he thinks about it he wouldn't even do that. Robin read about how more and more people are open to organ donation. Howard said he wouldn't think about it for a second. He said he's all for taking but not giving. Robin had some audio of some doctors talking about the transplant thing. Robin said her cat is a transplant recipient and he has to take anti-rejection medication. Robin mentioned the word congenital during the discussion and Howard said ''genital'' like a little kid. Howard said Robert Downey Jr. seems like a guy who is 50 but on the inside he's 12. Robin said he did have a slide at his birthday party.
Howard said Robin's boyfriend Ryan Phillippe is coming in tomorrow. Robin said she's looking forward to that. Howard said she didn't like the lap dance he gave her. Robin said she's not into that kind of thing.
Robin said that Amazon.com is coming up with a plan to deliver right to the trunks of customer cars. Robin had some audio of a professor talking about that plan being better than the drone idea. Howard said he liked the drone idea. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the Amazon story after that. Robin said they think it will be convenient for customers and for shippers. Robin said they're starting in Germany. Robin said that DHL will get temporary access to Audi car trunks. Howard said he gets email like 5 times a day about businesses in the area. He said he didn't ask for that. Gary said he has used those. Howard said it's like a coupon or something. He said he's annoyed by it. Robin said he can stop them. Howard said he might miss out on something. Robin said she's sure he can stop it. Howard said he'll look into it.
Robin said Clay Aiken made the news after being on the show yesterday. Robin said they wrote about what he had to say about the woman who beat him. Robin said that he called her an idiot and a bitch during the interview. Robin had Howard play some of his music and read about what the woman's response was to what he had to say.
Howard took a call from a woman whose phone connection wasn't so great. Howard said that he listens to other shows and the phone connections are so clean. Howard said it seems like phone connections are getting worse. The caller said that she was upset because she called to talk to Robert Downey. She said that when it's a big star he doesn't take calls. Howard said that they interrupt the flow. Howard said her phone connection blows and it may not be something he wants to entertain. The caller, Kimberly, said that Robert looks remarkable. She said she wanted to ask if he has ever had any work done. She said she was going to ask it in a more delicate way. She said she heard that while she was holding. Howard said Kimberly sounds like she's good looking. She said she thinks she's average. Howard asked who she looks like. She said ''Who, me?'' and got sidetracked so Howard let her go.
Howard said just imagine you're in an interview and you take a call like that. Howard said they went to Comic-Con and asked a guy what he would ask Robert if he could. The guy said he'd ask about his goatee. Howard played that clip and then did a live commercial read.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about all of these people who have lost their lives at the hands of the police. Robin said that the latest is Freddie Gray who died while in custody and now there are riots in Baltimore. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Robin said they have asked for an additional 20 fire engines to put fires out in the city. Robin said they canceled school in Baltimore today. Robin said they have declared a state of emergency there. Robin had audio of the Mayor and other people talking about how the rioting isn't going to help. Robin said the Gray family is calling for an end to the violence as well. Howard said there was a great video of a mother finding her son in a hoody getting beaten by his own mom at the riots. Robin said they don't condone that of course. Howard said sometimes they do. Robin said they never do. Howard backed off and said of course not. Howard said he saw a picture of one of the rioters walking around with two cans of Pringles and a jug of maple syrup. Robin said he just destroyed a whole store just for that. Robin said they burned down a retirement home too.
Robin read a story about the same sex marriage argument going on in the Supreme Court. Robin said same sex couples can marry in over 36 states.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just had a birthday and asked if he can get anything. Howard hung up because the phone connection was so bad. Howard said that he can't take it today. Howard said the guy was making a lot of comments and it was all muffled. He did an impression of the guy doing all of that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who congratulated him on the Webby win. Howard said that the guys told him about the win and he asked what it's going to cost them. Robin asked what it does cost. Howard said he's not sure. Howard said they do charge and entry fee and he thinks they have to pay for the award. Gary said that he can't imagine that Bradley Cooper pays for an Oscar. Howard said that they should just buy an Oscar. Howard said that you know Bradley didn't pay for it but maybe the studio did. Gary said Bradley hasn't won an Oscar yet. Howard thought he had. Howard said they want him to go to the Webby awards. Gary said they have to talk about that later. Gary said it's coming up in a few weeks. Mariann wanted to go for Howard. Howard wondered how she has so much energy. He had to hang up on her.
Howard read about the Webby win and how they beat out 4 competitors. Howard said the birthday show won the ward. Robin said they should go. Howard said he had a piece of paper with all of the details. Howard asked if anyone else has it. Gary came in and told Howard that when you win an Oscar you don't own it. He said that you can pass it down but you can't sell it.
Howard said he has a sheet of paper somewhere. He said he asked him to print it out. Howard found it a second later. Howard read the sheet and about where the event is being held. Howard said it takes place on a Monday night. Howard said he can't go. Robin said they can't go if it's on a Monday.
Howard read about how De La Soul won an award. Gary said Michael Rapaport yelled at him for not showing them enough respect. Howard said that Michael gave Hanzi a nice shout out on the Wrap Up Show. Howard played a clip of Michael talking about Hanzi and trying to describe him. Then they showed him a picture and he was shocked by what he saw.
Howard read more of the list of people who had won Webby awards. Howard said there were some big names on there. Howard said that he might be too happening for this event. Howard said he would like to get the award. He said his speech can only be 5 words long. Robin said that's crazy. Howard read some of the past 5 word long speeches. Howard said he wins an award where you can only say 5 words. Howard said he'll say ''Howard, Robin, Fred, Gary, Dogmatic.'' Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the box of Wheaties with Bruce Jenner's face on it are selling for several hundred dollars on Ebay. Howard said just imagine he has the foresight to never open a box of Wheaties. Howard said you keep it all these years and all of this stuff happens and that's all you get for it. Robin said that's a lot more than you paid for it. That led to Howard playing a bit they created with their Bruce Jenner impersonator doing a Wheaties commercial. Robin said that Bruce watched the interview with his first wife Kristie. Robin said it wasn't with Kris Jenner. Howard played a song parody called ''When a Man Becomes a Woman'' as they were talking about that. Howard said they have Bruce Jenner songs already. He thanked Psych for that.
Robin read a story about an account in the paper about the guy who killed Jeffrey Dahmer. Robin said she'd like to be on his side but he's a very violent guy. Robin said she read about what this guy did and how he thought the guards wanted Dahmer taken out. Robin said the guy ended up crushing Dahmer's skull with a weight lifting bar. Howard said the guard was supposed to be keeping an eye on Dahmer and he disappeared for a while.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden again and he asked if he thinks that they should start shooting the looters. Howard said that he feels for the family but he's a complete law and order dude. Howard said that the looters would be put down immediately if he was the mayor. Robin said they have to declare martial law and get the streets clear. Tommy said we're too PC to do that. Tommy said the mayor is kind of hot. Howard said Robin was supposed to meet her on Thursday but that won't happen now. Howard said she's too hot to be mayor.
Tommy asked if Howard saw Gary Booey Bomb the Scalia photo. Howard said he did. Robin said Gary was all over the news in pictures from the White House Correspondents dinner. Howard said he asked Gary why he was going and Gary said it was to create contacts. Howard said Gary was there talking to Justice Scalia and Bradley Cooper. Howard said he didn't know he was going to photo bomb people and bother them. Howard said Gary was there doing guest relations and the last thing Bradley Cooper wants is to be bothered by Gary. Howard said Gary knows better because he's lectured him. He said Gary is a great producer but there are certain kinds of situations that he doesn't understand. Robin said Gary isn't that happy about it when they happen to him. Fred played some Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' clips while they were talking about Gary. Gary said that he doesn't mind that kind of thing. Tommy said that Ross was with Gary. Howard said he wishes Ross would have put him in a choke hold and taken him down. Howard said Gary talks constantly. He said he just likes talking to someone.
Tommy said he wants Robin to be the mayor of Baltimore. He said he'd come down and work for her for nothing. Howard said he'd like to be like the pied piper and lead all of the protesters down to the water. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a college professor who flunked his entire class and then quit. Robin said that he said they were disrespectful and they made him feel uncomfortable in the room. Robin said that the college is investigating.
Howard asked how many calories a bagel has. Robin said it's probably 3-400 calories. Howard said she just ruined his fun. Howard said he was told it was 245 calories. Howard said he has one with peanut butter on it. Benjy said that's a small bagel if it's 245. Howard said he has the most Jewy bagel on the planet. Benjy read another one that's 260. Howard said that's not so bad for a lunch. Robin said it's not. Robin read another report that said it was 72 calories. Howard said he gains weight no matter what. He said he runs and he gets pain in his neck. He said he hates riding a bike. He said he likes to run. Robin read that a bagel can have up to 350 calories. Howard said he's sure his does. Howard said he has grilled salmon and he still gains weight. Robin said he's losing weight and seeing flab. Howard said that's what's going on. Howard said he hurts his neck and he's all fucked up. He said he gives up. He said he's just going to get fat and wear nice clothes. He said he'll wear a shirt when he goes to the beach.
Robin read a story about shared custody and how that's better for parents of divorced kids. Robin said that they did a study that found kids who live with intact parents have the fewest problems. Robin said kids who split time have fewer problems than kids who live with just one parent.
Robin read a story about how the average woman puts 168 chemicals on her body every day. Robin said that they say that those 168 chemicals are part of the 12 products that women use every day. Robin said that men aren't doing much better. They put about 85 chemicals on their body every day. Robin said several senators are looking to get those products regulated.
Robin read a story about Jayne Meadows dying. Robin said she was 95. She was on the Honeymooners and married to Steve Allen. Robin said Jayne used to do the show. Howard said they did but then they hated him after a while. Howard said Steve became really uptight as he got old. He said he was a talented man though.
Robin read a story about the Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and how they're trying to say he was just immature.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about kids watching TV and how the average kindergartner watches 3 hours a day.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush being tied in a presidential poll. Robin said that Bush led Hillary 48-46 percent but with statistical error figured in it's basically a tie. Robin said they're neck and neck.
Robin read a story about Kevin Spacey in House of Cards and Howard said he loves how the America Works thing in the show. Robin said that Kevin was on Jimmy Kimmel over the weekend. Robin said that he was saying it's hard to promote when the whole series is up on Netflix at one time. Howard said that's some problem to have.
Robin said that John Mellencamp was on David Letterman last night. Robin had some audio of John talking to Dave about some advice he got and passed it along to him. Howard said he may give Dave the exact same advice. He said he may get kicked right off the set. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said JD was charged with writing the acceptance speech for the Webby awards. He said that he wrote ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Baba.'' Jon said he thinks it should be ''Baba Booey to Y'all.'' Jenny said she likes Baba Booey, Baba Booey. She said that her son's blankey is called Baba Booey so that's what she would enjoy.
Jon said they have a poll up today. He asked Rahsaan what they're asking today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Would you attend a sex party?'' The choices are...
Jon said they're all good choices. He said they'll have the results at the end of the program. Jon asked if Jenny has ever been to one. Jenny said she has not but she tried to get invited. She said she would like to go to one so she'd have another chapter for her next book. Jenny said she just wants to watch people have sex. Jon said that Memet went to one and brought back some audio. Jon said that a lot of people freeze up and can't deliver. Jenny asked if you can just hop into a pile and get brought into it. Jon said his understanding is that more men are into it than women. Rahsaan said he'd like to see one just to check it off the bucket list. He said he doesn't think attractive people go to them though.
Jon said Benjy used to be into that kind of thing and he's not sure if that appeal ever leaves you. Jenny said you get married and then you want to do it again.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she has been to several sex parties and they are not that fun. She said that she has gone with Corey Feldman who is a big fan of the show. She said you don't want to let them down if you're not participating. She said that they want to get down with you but then you have to make your get away. Jon asked the caller what her expectations are. He asked if she expects a bit of a creep factor. The caller, Alison, said that you expect everything in L.A. to have a bit of a creep factor. She said you think the house is going to be fabulous and then you see a girl getting it from behind and blowing someone. She said that you're right there having a conversation and it's very weird.
Jon said all bets are off when you go to a party like that. Alison said that she ran with this weird bunch including Corey and she went back knowing that it was weird and strange. She said there was something appealing about it though.
Jon said that Jenny is in the business and if someone recognizes you then it changes things. Jenny said she would be so stunned if someone recognized her. Jon went to break after that.
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Jon said that Robert was talking about how he can't spend more than 500 bucks without letting his wife know. Jenny said she'd be fine with her husband, Jason Biggs, spending more than that on her. She said that she has an issue with him buying art work without her permission. She said that she can but he can't.
Gary came in and said Jenny just doesn't want Jason buying a Baba Booey art cell or something like that. Gary said that he knows what kind of money bands get for showing up at a party. Jon asked Gary if he thinks Howard wanted to be there. Gary said Howard has broken his balls over Steely Dan over the years and today he wanted to call him out about that. Gary said it's always a good hang to be there with celebrities. Jon said Robert is very comfortable with Howard. He said he'll answer any question you ask him.
Gary asked if Jenny has gone to a sex party. Jenny said she hasn't. Jenny asked Gary if his wife wanted to go would he go. Gary said he thinks that ship has sailed. He said he thinks that every guy wants to get two chicks in bed together. He said the problem is that it creates weirdness. He said the sex party would be weird.
Gary said he has always loved sex but he's not looking to have sex in front of other people. He said if hands are flying you don't know if it's a dude's hand. He said he doesn't need an audience.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he agrees with Gary about the hands flying. He said that what they're missing is that there are conversations going on and you ask if you want to before it happens. He said you can find a private place to do your thing. Gary asked if it's in a corner or in a different room. The caller said you can go to a room or a different part of the couch. He said that you don't have to be there for everyone. He said he went with a girlfriend and she just wanted to be with another woman. He said it's easy to be rejected but it's not about looks all the time.
Jon said just imagine you go to the party and you're rejected by everyone. Gary said that would bum him out. Jon said that they were talking about the big words that Robert was using today and Howard came up with one he uses. That was ''Dogmatic.'' Gary said that he's got big words but some of them aren't that big for someone like Sal. Gary said that Sal uses words that he doesn't fully know how to use. Jon said a lot of people do that. Gary asked Jon what his word is. Jon said it's juxtaposition. Gary said he likes recalcitrant. Gary said that you can fit it in nicely if the person is a big enough dick. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Jenny if she thinks Gary did the wrong thing there or not. Jenny said she gets where Howard is coming from but only because when she's with Jason it's so annoying when people will ask him to come over and meet the entire family. She said that it makes her nuts. Jenny said she's on the other side of it but it's fucking annoying. She said she gets why though.
Jon asked Jenny when Jason is leaving through a stage door it's kind of part of the gig. Jenny said sometimes it is. She said sometimes when they have the baby with them or when she wants to fight with him over something then they're sharing this person with other people.
Gary said if you're at a charity event then you're kind of there to do that stuff. He said he heard about Patrick Ewing going to a charity event and telling someone that he doesn't do cell phones when he was asked to take a photo. Jon said when you're at a family event it's a different story. Gary said that's a whole other guilt trip.
Jon asked who is going to accept the Webby award. Gary said he thinks JD fits that bill. He said that they're going on the theory that ''Baba Booey'' is one word. He said that way they could say it 5 times.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard is blowing the Gary thing out of proportion. He asked where Robert Downey Jr. stands on their top guest list. Gary said he falls very high on that list. He said that Robert came in today and it was very conversational. He said that he has that thing that makes you a great guest. He said pretty much nothing is off limits. Jon said that he said a couple of things that stuck with him. He said that he said he would come by whenever he has something to promote. He also carved out time for Howard when he did the birthday show and for today's interview. Jon said to have that level of respect for Howard means a lot for the fans.
Gary said this is the best part of the week for Robert. He said he knows he can come there and have a fun interview and not answer the same questions.
Jon said they also spoke to Jon Leiberman today and they have a new episode of Embedded today after the show. He said they're going to hear more about High Pitch Eric after the Wrap Up Show. Jon asked Jenny what she does if High Pitch Eric is at the sex party. Jenny said she was just wondering that.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of today's poll where they asked ''Would you attend a sex party?'' Rahsaan gave the results which were...
Jon got in some plugs and ended the show around 11:55am.
Howard started the show talking about how many live shows they do and how it's time to cut it back to an hour a week. He said they're done now. Howard said he finds it funny when Sirius wants to renew his contract and they want at least the same amount of shows he's doing now. Howard said he says 'Oh really?'' He said what if he doesn't want to do them. Then what do they do? Howard said what if he wants to do 12 hours a week.
Howard said it's good to be there sort of. He said he was sleeping. He said he has to get up to pee every minute. He said last night he slept like a baby because Beth had sex with him. He said they got into bed and they were excited because they had DVR'd Dr. Phil with Kim Richards. Howard said that it's amazing what excites him. He said that Dr. Phil doesn't know what he's doing and he's pretending to be a doctor. Howard said Kim Richards is deeply disturbed. Robin said this woman has been melting down for a long time. Howard said she screams at people who try to talk to her.
Howard said they were watching that and then they were going to watch Rumer Willis from the night before. Howard said they love that. Howard said Beth played with his penis which was so nice of her. Howard said that he was having trouble concentrating. Howard said he can't concentrate when she does that. Howard said he was desperate to find Rumer but he told Beth he was going to bang her first. Howard said he had his way with her and then found Rumer on the DVR. Howard said he got right back to the remote and got back to Rumer. Howard said Bruce Willis was there acting all tough in the first package. Howard said he was watching his daughter dance and he's still the guy from Die Hard. Howard said they asked him if he'd ever do the show. He said he says ''I don't know'' in that really slow voice. Howard said he wishes he could be that calm. Howard said he'd be like ''No way!''
Howard said everything about Dancing with the Stars is just great when it comes to Rumer. Howard said he saw that Maria Menounos was supposed to be on because she was tweeting about it all day. He said she was part of a group of people dancing and you could hardly see her. Howard said they totally dissed her. Howard said they didn't even put the camera on her. Howard said she should be pissed. Howard said Tom Bergeron didn't even say hello to her. Howard said they totally dissed her.
Howard said that he watched the girl who won the first season and her whole vagine was almost out. He said that show is not gay. He said there are women almost naked on that show. Howard said stars will get naked and be happy about it. Howard said the show should be about getting C-list celebrities naked. Howard said that's what the show is. Howard said he loves watching Rumer on the show. He said she's almost naked too. Howard said that it's Bruce and Demi's kid almost naked. Robin said that's so bad. Howard said he thought she was on his team. Robin said she was wondering if she really works with that guy.
Howard said this soap opera actress was in a bikini and the bottom was cut down so low. Howard said that he was just skimming the show. He said that Beth hears his analysis while he does that. Howard said being married to him you get a radio show all day long. Howard said he thought her clit was going to pop out during the tango.
Howard said really strange things happen when you put people like that on TV. Howard said Julianne Hough is the one he wants Mel B and Heidi to look at as far as what to wear on TV. Howard said he'll move a cup on America's Got Talent if he sees it blocking Heidi's titties. Howard said he once told her that no one can see the mini-dress. Howard said she thinks she has to dress conservatively because it's a family show. Howard said Dancing with the Stars is too but Julianne doesn't dress conservatively.
Howard said Rumer wore like what a mom would wear. Robin said she was all Bobby Sox'er. Howard said that she comes out in hot outfits too though. Howard said the girl from the Soap Opera looked fantastic. He said he would have told her that if he was Bruno. Howard said it was crazy. Howard said they had her on the show years ago. Robin said that was early on in Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said that chick's pussy was so prevalent. Fred played Sal saying the word ''prevalent'' wrong. Howard said that this show is the best ever invented. Howard said he had a show idea where they would have girls bowl in bikinis. Howard said he was going to buy the show but he wasn't sure that it was the right thing. Howard said if you give a girl a dance partner they'll get just about naked. Howard said he fucked up. He said he knew it when he saw it and he should have gone for it. Howard said Robin told him it was wrong. Robin said she could care less about the dances. Howard said no one cares about the dances. Howard said Bruce Jenner needs to dance with a dude next season.
Howard said they refuse to pay people any money on that show. Howard said they're stuck in C and D-list celebrity land. He said it's fucking genius though. He said the enormity of it is killing him.
They played a song parody about JD that Little Mikey did. Howard had JD come in said he got so tongue tied with Ryan. JD said that song is like In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. Howard asked JD why he got so nervous with Ryan. JD said he didn't know what to ask him and stuff. Howard said Ryan's girlfriend is really hot. Howard said she's a big deal attorney. Howard said she's like a super model. He said she's only like 20. JD said she's graduating soon. Howard said he Googled her and under the headlines it said she was like an international lawyer. JD said she's a human rights lawyer. Howard said she must be a genius or something. Howard said that's what you have to find. He said that's a gold mine. Her name is Paulina Slagter.
Howard played the JD interview with Ryan. In the clip Ryan was doing all of the talking about what he's been up to. He was on The View that morning. JD said he was sorry he had to deal with him now. Howard said Ryan likes JD. Howard said he treats him with respect. He doesn't goof on him. Howard said he thinks he was sincere trying to get him a girl. JD said he thinks he's sincere with everything he says to him.
Howard played more of the pre-interview. Robin said that this girl isn't an international lawyer. Robin said she just read she finished her third year of school. Robin said he might be thinking she's smarter than she is because she's so hot. She said that's what Howard did with Britney Spears. He was blinded by her beauty. Howard said he thought she was already a lawyer. Robin said no.
Howard played more of the pre-interview and Ryan asked JD how the girlfriend is doing. JD said he's doing alright. Howard said that JD is doing that smiling laugh thing and he should just say it's pretty awesome. JD said this is why he texts people instead of talking. He said he doesn't talk very well. He said he gets awkward. Howard had JD ask him how his girl is doing. Howard gave him an answer and told JD to answer like he did. JD tried it but he still chuckled. JD said he's not a talker. Howard said he knows that.
Howard played more of the clip and Ryan said he hopes JD is happy. JD said he thinks things are going well with Ryan with his show and all of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is always talking about hot chicks but his wife is the hottest thing in the world. Howard said he knows that. The caller said that he met Howard once and Beth was in a school girl outfit. Howard said he loved that outfit. Howard said he's not going to mention how hot his wife is every minute. The caller said he should.
Howard said that he and Beth like each other and she actually feels for JD. Howard said he knows she's sensitive because of that.
Howard played the pre-interview clip and JD was giving up. Ryan said maybe they can get a beer. JD said that's fine but he's not that fun to be with. Howard said that Ryan is fine with him. He said that he wants to hang.
Howard played some audio of JD mumbling and stumbling over his words that they edited together. Howard said that's what a pre-interview is like with JD. Howard said that's funny. He said you can't write that kind of awkward.
Howard asked JD what happens internally. JD said he just gets nervous. He said being recorded doesn't help. Howard wondered if he could go to elocution school and learn how to talk. JD said ''And ruin this?'' Howard said no one paid attention to JD in school. Howard asked where he grew up. JD said he grew up in Ohio and Florida. Howard said he needed a speech therapist. Howard said no one paid attention to him in that neighborhood. JD said they weren't terrible neighborhoods.
JD said he had 4.0 GPAs in school until senior year. Howard said in Florida JD speaks fancy. JD said he had a 3.5 GPA in his senior year. Howard asked why he went to such a shitty college if he had a high GPA like that. JD said he tried community college at first. Howard said he must have fucked up the SATs. JD said he got a 1010 on the SATs. Howard said he must have gone to a shitty school. Howard said he was in 9th grade and reading the book 'Itsy Bitsy'' so he was like Superman. Howard said he was moved to a real school and he flunked. Howard said he had an A in Roosevelt but a D in the new school. JD said he doesn't know what he wants from him. Howard said he's trying to help.
Howard told JD to find something to be proud of like his girlfriend. Howard asked if that's still going on. JD said it is. Howard said he met her and she's cute. Howard asked if they're going to move in together. JD said not at the moment. Howard asked if there is talk of it. JD said she has a contract where she lives and works now. Howard said it's impossible. JD said he's not sure what the plan is here for the year. Fred did his JD voice and asked if he can move his cum filled t-shirts into her place. Howard said he heard that she likes to take selfies with him and talks about how sexy he is. JD said she does like taking selfies. Howard said that he needs a good PR woman. JD said that she builds his self esteem. Howard said she builds it up and they knock it down. Howard said he's happy for him. JD thanked him.
Howard asked if he has met her parents yet. JD said not yet. He said it may happen in a month or two. JD said that's when it'll be good for them to all meet up. He said they're schedules will work out. Howard said they're all so busy. JD said they all live in different places. Howard asked if her parents asked when they were going to meet him. JD said he hasn't talked that much about it. Howard asked if it was her idea. JD said she said it was a good time. Howard asked if he got nervous. JD said of course he did. Howard said he has to make a good presentation. He said that parents can talk her out of a relationship. Howard said he has to act and pretend like he's Johnny Depp. Howard said he has to be like Robert Downey Jr. Fred did his JD voice and threw in some big words that Robert was using yesterday.
Howard asked JD what he's thinking of saying to them. JD said he hasn't thought of anything specific. JD said he will fake some confidence. Fred had JD asking if they like waffles. Howard asked if her parents are fans of the show. JD said he doesn't think they listen. Howard said then they don't know what's up with the web cam stuff he's up to. JD said they don't need to talk about that stuff now. Howard asked what he'll say about that. JD said he hasn't been doing that lately. Robin asked if he has the shakes. JD said it's alright. He said he watches porn here and there. Howard said he can tell her parents that.
Howard said he would love to be at that meeting. JD said he's sure he would be. Robin asked JD what he's watching in the porn department. JD said he watches voyeur stuff. Howard said she must be really into him if she's bringing him to her parents. Howard told him to stop rocking like he's rubbing his dick. JD said that's a nervous thing he does. Howard said it's like he's on the Titanic. Fred had him making up excuses like the floor isn't level and that he has polio.
Howard asked JD if he's going to go out to dinner with them. JD said he thinks so. Howard said he must be going to them. JD said they are meeting in a general location. Howard and Fred did their JD voices and goofed on him about his spoon collection and things like that. Howard said that they have to go to Cracker Barrel.
Howard said that people are going around talking about what a great mom that woman is who smacked her kid around in Baltimore. Howard said that woman has probably been smacking him around his whole life. Howard said that kid looks like he's been smacked around forever. Howard said the FOX news people were saying she's a great mom. Howard said she's really not. He said every parent should go down there and grab their kids off the street.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that JD has been around like 15 years and he hasn't gotten any more articulate. JD said that Ralph calls in with this topic a lot. Howard said a lot of people have blossomed on the show but not JD. Ralph said JD knows this guy and he tells him he doesn't want to hang out with him. JD said he doesn't know what to tell him. Howard said he keeps the bar low.
Howard asked how Ralph has blossomed over the years. Howard said he hasn't grown much. Ralph said he can speak better. Howard said JD does have a girlfriend. Ralph said he doesn't know what's going on there. JD said who knows what's going on with Ralph. He said he's got issues too. Howard said they think JD had a good come back with Ralph but no one understood it.
Howard asked JD what he's going to do about his table manners. He said he watches him eat and he holds a fork like a Neanderthal. JD said he'll show Robin how he holds it. JD held it for her and Robin said it's like he's holding a spear. Howard said JD is holding a fork like an animal that doesn't have a thumb. JD said it works. Robin said that's not how you hold it. Ralph said he wants to see a picture of this. Howard had Jason come in and take a picture. Howard said no one will believe it. Howard said that you have to see it. He said it's like Planet of the Apes.
Ralph said he'd throw a guy out of the house if he held a fork like that. Howard showed JD how to cut and use a knife. Howard said that he holds a fork like this and cuts on the outside. JD said it's the same thing. Howard said JD holds it like this and it's wrong. Robin said he's inside the fork. JD said he sees no issue with it. Howard said he has to hold it like this.
JD tried holding the fork and knife and Howard said he's got it all wrong. Howard said he has to teach him off the air. Howard said the fork doesn't move, the knife does. JD said he knows that. Howard said he has to teach him after the show today. JD asked if he does it like this. Howard said he has to get some help. JD said he has to just eat soup that day. Howard told him to just get a sandwich. Howard said he should talk to his girlfriend and have her feed him. JD said she tried to get him to eat with chopsticks. He can't do that either.
Howard asked JD to show how he uses a spoon with soup. JD did that right. Robin asked how he gets the food to his mouth. JD showed her and said that he knows how to fucking eat. Ralph said he knows how to eat junk food. Robin said they can go to a place where they wrap the food. Howard asked if he knows how to put the napkin in his lap. JD said he knows what to do with it. Howard asked if he puts it on the table. JD said sometimes. Howard said he has to talk to him.
Gary said he thinks they've taken on too much and they have to send him to a school. Robin said just imagine a finished JD. Howard said when he goes to a restaurant he has to take the napkin and put it in his lap. Robin said that's what you're supposed to do. Howard said if you wipe your mouth with the napkin and put it on the table they'll think he's a douche. JD said alright. He said he'll keep it in his lap. Howard said he's going to put it on the table.
Fred looked up some etiquette classes for JD. Fred said that it's right there in Manhattan. He said they work on first impressions, wardrobe, communication skills and dining skills. Fred said they take video too. Howard said what's funny about that is that kids are usually 9 and JD will be in class with them. Howard said that they'll be picking on JD. Howard told Gary to enroll JD. JD said no.
Gary asked if JD will arrive with anything. JD said maybe a bottle of wine. Gary said he should show up with something nice like wine. Howard said you don't have to if you're going to a restaurant. Fred said the group class is $750 and a private class is $2,000. Howard said he's going for it. Fred said they have a four course lunch at that class. He said they track you and make sure you're doing everything correctly.
Howard said that JD has to do this and get motivated. JD said he really doesn't want to deal with this. Robin asked why he doesn't want to improve. JD stumbled over a few seconds and Howard laughed. He said he doesn't even know how to hold a fork. Robin said he's still not getting it. JD said he has months of practice. Howard asked what the name of the school is. Fred said it's the Etiquette School of New York.
Howard asked when the classes are. Fred said they have some on May 6th. He said he could get the private classes too. Howard said that he has to do it. JD said he doesn't want to. Robin said he needs to do the group. Ralph said he's going to be with a bunch of 11 year old girls. Howard said so what. Howard said he has to do this. Robin insisted he has to do it. Howard said he has to video tape it so they can put it on Pay per view and they can all retire.
Howard said Fred found the class for him. Fred said they have everything. He went over the list of things they teach you there. Howard said he has to do it. They teach everything about posture and how to eat and all of that. JD said that it would feel unnatural to him. Robin said he just has to practice a few times. Fred said JD's natural is feeling unnatural. JD said he just wants to be left alone. Howard said just imagine JD going through that. Fred said that they teach the art of small talk and things like that too. JD said he's not looking to talk to people. Howard said he may send Fred too. Ralph told him to lose some weight while he's at it.
Howard said they should get that mom from Baltimore to smack some sense into him. Robin said they're calling her the mom of the year. Howard said she'll get awards for that. Robin said that they're holding the awards thing that she was going to and this woman may be the focus of the child abuse thing. She said that they have a bunch of angry children marauding through the streets.
Howard said JD going to that etiquette class would be a bigger transformation than Bruce Jenner. Howard said they can do a whole interview with JD over that. Howard said he's liking this school. They had JD ordering wine and ordering the $800 bottle like Robin did. JD said his girlfriend is the wine person in their relationship. JD said he's not a big wine drinker. Howard said he will be. He said that class will turn him into an alcoholic.
Howard and Fred did their JD impressions and had him as a wine connoisseur. Howard said he really has to go. He said Ryan Phillippe is coming in. Howard let Ralph go after that. He told JD to go sign up for that class. They played him out with a JD theme song and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about how great they are. He said they live up to that ''Greatest rock and roll band'' name. Howard said Ryan Phillippe is there. Howard said it's not that often that they get to see someone that good looking. Howard said his career is on fire. He said when he thinks about Ryan it's like they weren't taking him seriously enough as an actor. Ryan said he may not have taken himself seriously enough.
Howard said this show Secrets and Lies is really getting some buzz. Ryan said you can use that in other places. He said he has been an actor for so long and he loves it but now he's at the age where he wants to try other stuff. He said he's 40 and he's directing and writing. Howard said he still looks like a kid. Howard said his oldest daughter went to Coachella with him and people thought he was her brother. Ryan said he's glad people don't think he looks old. He said it's weird going to Coachella as a dad. He said in years past he has been in a different state. He said it's forced him to grow up.
Howard asked if he has to tell his daughter not to smoke weed. Ryan said he hasn't gotten there yet. Howard said the first time he told his kids not to smoke he was high on weed. He said that was weird. Howard said his kids know he's anti-drug. Howard said he has had some bad experiences. Howard said they were at work one day and they did a bit where he took two hits off a joint and he was wrecked.
Howard said Ryan goes to Coachella as a parent and it has to be awful Ryan said yes and now. He said that his daughter is okay with him being part of that stage of her life and that's a huge compliment. Robin said no one wanted to do that with mom and dad.
Ryan said that they never talked about the birthday show and his involvement with it. He said that Robin said she was disgusted with his lap dance. He said he flew out just for the show. He said the show means so much to him and he felt he needed to be there. He said he didn't know when they were going to do that ever again. Howard said probably never. Ryan said he was in touch with Eli Braden who writes all of those songs for Robin. He said he was working on a sitcom idea. He said that he wanted him to come out and be on stage with him during a song about Robin. He said that he thought it was kind of lame so he wanted to strip for Robin instead. He said that's so unlike his personality though. Ryan said that his favorite aspect of it was Howard's reaction to it. Howard said he went up to him and asked what the fuck he just did. Ryan said that Howard has shocked him and now he's shocked Howard. Howard said he was confused by it. Ryan said he had a lot of fall out from it. He said his girlfriend didn't know what he was doing. He said she's not into the show as much as he is. He said he had to explain it all. Howard said they won a Webby for that birthday show. Howard said the whole world opens up for you when you win one.
Howard said that the finale of Secrets and Lies is on Sunday night on ABC. Ryan said that the series is 10 episodes and they will find out who did it in the finale. Howard said what he loves about this is that he signed up for one year. He said he's a hit. Howard said now he's like a free agent. Howard said what he does next is going to be big. Ryan said he's in talks for doing something for Netflix. He said that he thinks the show Daredevil is great on there. Howard said he thinks he was up for something where he was going to be the guy. Ryan said there was a Star Wars thing. He was also close to being Harvey Dent in a movie. Ryan said since he's become a dad the business isn't everything to him. He said that has held him back a bit. Howard said the business is everything. He said the kids come and go. He said they'll be there. Howard said this is a big moment for him. Robin asked if he's getting a lot of offers and if he's pressured to make the right decision. Ryan said he's a bit of a gambler and he's going to direct and he's got an internet start up. He said he wants to try as many different things as he can.
Howard said Ryan sounds like James Franco. Ryan said that he has to do that stuff incrementally because it has to fit in with the rest of his life. He said that he has the kid and all of that. Howard said that's very difficult.
Howard said he wants to talk to Ryan about his relationship with JD. He said he's really good to JD. Howard said Ryan stays in touch with JD and he asked JD to get in touch with him when he reads anything negative about him in the paper. Ryan said he is the bearer of bad tidings. Howard asked how that started. Ryan said JD came out to L.A. and they connected as friends. He said there's a lot about his personality that gets lost on the show because of how awkward he is. Robin asked if he has a personality. Ryan said he does. Howard said he's like the anti-Ryan Phillippe. Ryan said he doesn't look at it that way but maybe that's it. Howard said it's an interesting relationship. Howard said JD will text him about articles and stuff.
Ryan said that weekend he flew out there was the same weekend a story came out about him passing out in some club. He said that story was not true. He said it's frustrating that there's not much you can do about things like that. He said that it's not worth getting into litigation over stuff like that. He said he is a father and he thinks about clearing it up. Then you're told that there's almost nothing you can do about it. He said JD was the one who sent him that particular article. He said that he thinks that it's tinged with some glee. JD got on his microphone and said ''No, no...'' JD said he feels bad. He said he doesn't wish ill will on him or anything. Robin asked if he sends him good news. JD said there have been times when he has.
Howard asked if it's true he wrote a script and sent it to JD to get some comments on. Ryan said he did. Howard asked how that came about. Ryan said JD cares about movies and he has a taste in regards to film that he respects. Ryan said he watches all of this stuff for a living. He said JD is Howard's media producer. Howard asked what JD said about the script. Ryan said he sent a really thoughtful email that had notes and suggestions for story. He said it was really great. Howard asked if any were useful. Ryan said they were.
Howard asked if it's true that JD will give him movie reviews. Ryan said that he does that to an extent. Howard said he had no idea that he was so involved with JD. Ryan asked if he feels different about him because of that. Howard said he thinks it's interesting that they are bros. Ryan said he loves being on the show and he thinks that he's a regular guy. Howard asked if JD councils his kids too. Ryan said that is not true.
Howard asked Ryan how he's doing with depression. Howard said he has suffered from it. Ryan said he is okay. He said part of that comes with age. Ryan said turning 40 was scary. He said there is some solitude that comes from it too. He said you don't judge yourself as harshly as when you were younger. Howard asked if he had to do therapy. Ryan said he has had some over the years. He said that not everything is perfect. Ryan said Howard is still involved in that kind of self work. Howard said he can't get out. He said that he's been told he has to be in some kind of therapy. Howard asked if Ryan is in it now. Ryan said not currently. Howard said he has never had to take medication. Ryan said he has.
Howard asked Ryan about the Hispanic woman on the show and if he has had sex with her in real life. Ryan said no. Howard asked if he feels anything for her in the love scenes. Ryan said no. He said he's done this for 20 plus years and he has done love scenes before. Howard said he's sure she's a nice girl. Howard said it's all just a day at the job. Ryan said yes. Howard asked if he wears underpants in the love scenes. Ryan said it's like a skin toned thong. Ryan said that sounds so unappealing. Howard asked if he gets a boner at all. Ryan said not in this instance. Howard said he must hate her. Ryan said there are so many other factors. Ryan said he knows Howard has popped one in Private Parts. Ryan said he has popped one but not in this show. Howard asked if it was with Amanda Seyfried. Ryan said it was not. Howard asked if it's tough being in a relationship with another actor because of jealousy. Ryan said not with him. He said he's not a competitive person. He said the time apart is tough. He said there are other factors in there. Howard said that he wants to understand completely. He said that the actress may go away for a few months to film a movie. He said you don't know what's going on with them. Ryan said the career can be more important than the relationship. Howard said that Ryan must have realized dating an actress isn't the right thing.
Howard said that this new girlfriend is really hot. Howard said she's going to be a lawyer. Ryan said people judge her because she's so beautiful. Ryan said it's such a great thing to be involved with someone like that. Howard said he's like George Clooney. Howard said his wife is out saving people's lives and stuff like that. Howard said it's sexy stuff. Howard said she's not an actor either.
Howard asked how long he's been dating her. Ryan said it's like 4 years. Howard asked if he will get married again. Ryan said he's not opposed to it. Howard said that she's a younger woman. Howard said that when he's 60 then she'll be around his age now. Ryan said they're not 20 years apart. Howard said he's just doing his own math. Howard said when she goes to college looking like that people must go berserk over her. Ryan said he would think so. Howard said he must get jealous. Ryan said not really. Howard asked if he goes to parties with her. Ryan said he does. He said that he went to Law Prom. Ryan said the thing that makes him feel old are things that he did a long time ago that are being remade. He said that they're doing a reissue of the movie 54 that he did. He said they cut a lot of things out of the movie to make it more commercial. Howard said they took out some crucial scenes. Ryan said they did. Ryan said it's 17 years later and they're re-releasing it. He said he's not sure how to feel about it. He said he won't get anything out of it. He said there is some sort of artistic victory there. Howard said it's great that this could be the biggest time in his career.
Howard got back to the girlfriend and asked if she has a job with a law firm. Ryan said she works for the ACLU. He said that's so cool. He said she's clerking for a judge in California too. Howard said that she's so hot that she has to watch what she wears. Ryan said she's involved in anti-3 strikes stuff. He said she went to a maximum security prison and that concerned him. Howard said she could cause a distraction. Ryan said they say you can't wear a bra with an under wire. He said he thought that was kind of interesting. He said she had to wear a sport bra. Howard said he was checking her out online in a bikini. Howard said that she has brains and beauty. Ryan said Howard found that in Beth. Howard said he did but now he's concentrating on Ryan in his relationship. Howard said he might be trying to get him to lock it down. Ryan said Howard is like a surrogate father to him. He said that he has to get some fresh sex tips from Ronnie too. Howard told Ronnie to come in if he has anything off the top of his head.
Ronnie came in and Howard said that Ryan is looking for some tips. Ryan said he heard that she's in the law department. He said Ryan can greatest up a gavel and stick it in her ass nice and easy. Ronnie said that they have the knob on the end and that will turn her on. He said that you don't stick it in all the way. He said then you take the gavel end of it and stick it near her pussy. He said she'll be so turned on by that. He told him that he can just go to work on her after that. Howard said it's weird to look at Ronnie at that age and think that he hasn't grown up.
Ronnie said that after all of that you take the gavel and smash it on the table asking if that was the best sex she's ever had.
Ronnie is a big fan of the show that Ryan is on. He said that hot chick on the show was on other shows like Under the Dome and Blue Bloods. Howard told Ronnie to get out of there. He said he's creeping him out.
Howard said Ronnie was so excited that Ryan was coming in. He said he gets a report about that show he's on every day. Ryan said the show has brought so much attention. He said he's doing some podcasts. He said he's doing the podcast tour after this.
Howard said that every one of his friends has a podcast. He said they all ask him to be on it. Ryan said he's not sure what the end game is with a podcast. He said when you do press you put yourself out there to boost ratings but he's not sure what the reason is for the podcast. Howard said everyone wants to be a star. Ryan said he goes back to Warhol saying that thing about the 15 minutes of fame thing. He said that he was so right about that. Howard said you have to do some hard work and put yourself on the radio to get attention for a real show. Howard said he's not sure what the end game is with a podcast either. He said it's just annoying your friends to come on your podcast.
Howard said he had an end game of being on real radio. Ryan said he has tried out a few podcasts. He said the only one he wants to listen to for more than an hour is Howard. He said it's a craft and you can't replicate that out of nothing. Howard said everyone thinks they can do that. He said he must get hit up all the time. Ryan said every one of Howard's callers has a podcast. Ryan said he's a nice guy and he's not sure if he'll go on them. Ryan said it's hard to justify taking time to do that. Ryan joked that he's going to have a beer with Gonzo Shitcock today. That led to Benjy plugging Elisa's podcast and arguing about the podcast thing before Howard cut him off.
Howard asked Ryan why he brought Benjy into this. He said that he blames him for all of that. Howard said he cares about Benjy and he's fascinated that he doesn't see clearly in all of this. Howard said he'll talk about this when Ryan is gone. He didn't want to get into it now. Robin said that they play that thing where they get Benjy out of the vortex but then they bring him right back in.
Ryan said that he thinks Jon Leiberman should be up for Brian Williams job. He said the Embedded series are so great. He said that he learns so much about these people like Big Foot and High Pitch. Howard said to be a reporter on their show they need real reporting experience. He said you have to do that for radio and podcasting.
Howard said life is good for Ryan. He said the Secrets and Lies finale is on Sunday. Howard said he's dated some of the most beautiful women. Howard said that's including Rihanna. Ryan said that's a rumor. He said he would tell Howard anything if it was true. He said that he wouldn't lie to him. He said that he has met Rihanna. He said that she's cool but he didn't date her. Howard asked if he got a boner when he met her. Ryan said he didn't.
Howard said Ryan was on The View recently and he went on and wanted to promote a product. Howard said they rushed him on and off in 3 minutes. Ryan said they did. He said he spent the night watching the Baltimore situation and he has family in that area. He said that he feels a lot about that. He said you go on these shows to promote something and you have to check your own thing. He said at the beginning of shows like that they'll touch on that but then they're on to some insipid thing. Howard said maybe he could have said he was there to promote something and explain that to them. Ryan said that would have taken up his full interview time.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he's a big fan of 54 and he's looking forward to the director's cut. He asked about the making out with Breckin Meyer scene. Ryan said they took out things like that. He said they did test screenings because of the gay and drug material. He said they took that out and made it a commercial thing. Howard said that it's a bummer when they respond to that stuff. Howard said that if he did that he would have been a failure on radio. Ryan said now they show him kissing two men in the new cut. Howard asked what he thinks when he sees that they cut that stuff out. Ryan said it's hard to kiss a dude if you're not gay. He said it's way easier to do it with a woman. Ryan said he has never tongued a man though. Howard asked how many takes he had to do. Ryan said he feels like he blocked it all out. Howard told JD to get in there and kiss Ryan. He said he wants to see how that works.
Ryan said the movie is really good. Ryan said the director's cut will be even better. Howard said he's been friends with Breckin Meyer for a long time. Ryan said it's been over 20 years. He said that he introduced him to the mother of his child.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she loves Ryan and how down to earth he is. Howard cut her off in the middle of a sentence.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who says he's going to do a podcast with Ryan. Howard took a call from Monotone Matt. Matt asked Robin if she had to choose between Ryan and George Clooney who would it be. Robin quickly said Ryan. Howard asked whose dog Matt would fuck. Matt said that he he's been drinking. Howard hung up on him.
Ryan asked if Howard ever thinks about the amount of hours he's been on air or anything. Howard said he never thinks about it. Ryan said Robin has probably had more songs written about her than anyone else. Howard said it sounds like he's leading up to doing something for Robin. Ryan said he's not.
Howard said someone the other day asked what he would do if he wanted to sell his stock in Sirius. Howard said he doesn't know what he wants to do yet. Howard said he asked his lawyer if he could sell it today. Howard said that she told him that it would look weird if he did leave. He said that he really doesn't know if he's going to leave or not. Howard said it's really weird. Ryan said Howard has been weaning them off of the show by cutting back. He said that they're coping. Howard said they get 4 hours a week with Letterman and they get 12 on this show. Howard said he really doesn't know what's going to happen. Howard said he's very dogmatic about his demands. He said he knows what he wants.
Howard asked Ryan when he started getting laid. He didn't say and ended up talking about going to school and how that all went for him. Howard asked if he has ever been in a fight with anyone. Ryan said he has. He said that his neighborhood was similar to Roosevelt but not quite as bad. Ryan said he has a black belt and he got jumped in a parking lot in L.A. one night. He said that he had thanksgiving with Robert De Niro that night. He said then he got torn down. He said that was at Tony Scott's house. He said he was on a high that night. He said he was dating Ridley Scott's daughter and that was her uncle so they were invited there. Ryan said he was watching De Niro and called his parents to tell them about that. Howard said he was at dinner and De Niro was there but he didn't say a word to him. He said his wife was lovely and talked to him though.
Ryan said he was at this dinner and he went to get some beer and he was jumped in the parking lot. Ryan said there were two guys and one approached him and grabbed him. He said there was no weapon involved. He said he had steel toe boots on and he can kick like 7 feet in the air. He said it was one kick to the guy's head and it dripped him. He said he was putting the key in his pick up truck and the guy grabbed his right hand. He said that he spun around and kicked the guy and his friend laughed. He said he got in his car and drove off. Howard said that's awesome. Ryan said it was. Howard asked if he went to his Sensei and told him about that. Ryan said he didn't. Howard said they had that happen in his karate class. He said one guy got in a fight and he told the Sensei about that. Howard said he's been in a lot of fights and he didn't win many.
Robin said Howard took down Gary Busey once. Howard said that was a ridiculous thing. Howard said he took him down by grabbing him when he was treating Robin in a way he didn't like. Robin said she was impressed. Ryan asked if she was impressed. Robin said she was. She said Howard saved her. Howard said he's a big dude too.
Howard said the final of Secrets and Lies is on Sunday. Howard said his wife is really into it and she says that if he's not on it then she won't watch. Howard said that Juliette Lewis is on the show too. Ryan said she's great. He said Howard should have her on. Howard said he has before. He said he should have her in again. Howard asked if she comes in prepared for work. Ryan said she does. Howard asked if it freaks him out when an actor isn't prepared. Ryan said it does. He said it shows the other people that it's not that important to you. Ryan said that he was in every scene in this series so he didn't have any days off. He said he had to memorize 10 pages a day too so that was kind of rough. Howard asked if he hangs with Juliette. Ryan said he has. He said she's a great person.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Ryan about raising healthy children in Hollywood and he wondered if there was any ass spanking in his relationships. Ryan said there has been spanking in every relationship. He said that's a move. Howard said you can't continue doing it after a while. He said he can't be doing that with this new one. Ryan said ''no comment.''
Ryan said he hasn't said it all even though Howard says he has. He said that he is close but he hasn't. Howard said that it's enough.
Howard asked Ryan about this thing The Deedle (TheDeedle.com). Ryan said it's a new mobile marketing app. He said that people can win amazing things. Howard asked what you do in the app. Ryan said you can use your social media thing to tell people to go win something. He said they have an interface that allows for it. He said you play a game to win these prizes. Howard asked how much of his own money he put in this. Ryan said they are getting money from other people now. He said that he put his own money into it in the beginning. He said it was like 100 grand or so. He said it's a whole new thing. Ryan said he has made a nice career and he's grateful for that. He said he likes the challenge. He likes gambling in life. Ryan said that the name of the app comes from his son who is named Deacon but they called him Deedle as a nickname. Ryan said
Ryan said the first film he directed, Catch Hell, he gave a shout out to Howard in. Howard said he has a clip. Howard played the clip and there was a ''I Love you on the Howard Stern'' shout out. Howard said Ryan financed that movie with his own money. Ryan said the guy who says that looks like Fred the Elephant Boy.
Howard said he's doing well and he's proud of him. Ryan said that means a lot to him even if it's insincere. Howard told him not to gable too much because he'll end up sleeping on JD's couch. Howard gave Ryan some plugs for his stuff. Ryan said if this is his last appearance he just wants to say that they mean so much to him and they've been a part of his life so long. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said Gary was giving him an etiquette thing during the break. He said that JD really needs it. He said Gary asked him a question and he didn't know the answer. He said if you go to a restaurant and you're done with your meal, where to you put the napkin. Robin said on the right of you. Howard said you put it on the left. Howard said he always put it on the chair. Howard said that you put it to your left.
Gary asked if you can burp during the meal as long as you say ''excuse me'' and JD said yes. JD said the questions were flawed.
Gary said there's one about passing the pepper and if you pass both or just the pepper. Howard said it's just the pepper. Sal came in and asked about the burping thing. He didn't hear the discussion. Sal thought that JD's answer was funny.
Gary said that his wife gives him funny looks sometimes when he does things at dinner. Howard said Sal didn't even know that you can't jerk off at work. Howard said his teeth are glowing and he has to do something about that. Howard said Sal is the one who made fun of Gary's teeth and now his teeth are just as bad. Gary said Sal's teeth are the color of white out. Sal said he'd rather have that than shitty yellow fake teeth. Sal said his are nice and white. Howard said his are more noticeable than Gary's. Howard said Sal had nice teeth and covered them with shitty teeth. Sal said he's like Gary phase one. He said Gary had shitty teeth and went to shittier teeth.
Howard said he looks at Sal and all he can think about are teeth. Sal said they look good. Howard said they do not. Howard said Gary thought his teeth looked fine and he was surprised when he knew they were caps. Howard said that it's like Bobo with his toupee.
Howard said the nicest thing on Sal are his teeth. Gary said he loves his fake tan too. Sal said it's real tanning cream. Fred asked if he's using base on there too. Gary said he has to use base on his forehead. He said his skin gets all bubbly. Howard thanked the guys and let them go.
Howard said he's reading this article about how Joni Mitchell is in the hospital and she's unresponsive. Robin said that is not true. She said she read that she is awake and responding and she's not close to death like some people are saying.
Howard said Gary and Sal are still yelling in the hall about each other's looks. Gary said what's going on is that Ronnie said Sal got hair implants and there is no doubt in his mind. Fred said he did see something going on with Sal's hair but he thought it was the Rogaine.
Ronnie came in and said that Sal has done something to his head. He said there is no doubt about it in his mind. Ronnie said it looks like he added some hair or transplanted or something. He said he has a bald spot on the back and in the front it looks odd. Howard had Sal come back in. Howard said that Sal is thinning. Robin said it's just a new hair cut. Ronnie said he has a new hair line. Ronnie said it looks like a toupee. Sal said Ronnie's lenses are full of jizz. He said he didn't do anything. Sal said whatever Ronnie says. Howard said it's Sal's hair. Sal said it is. Ronnie said he gets all bent when you bring it up. Sal said the back is thinning and he's going to plug it up. He said he's going to fill it with his own hair. Ronnie asked what he's doing. He asked what the fuck is wrong with him. He said if you go bald then you go bald.
Howard asked what that's going to cost him. Sal said it's like $6 a follicle. He said that he wants to get that filled. Sal said they pull it from the back of your neck and put it on your head. Howard said they know guys who have had that done and there are scars. Sal said that they pull one by one now and it's not that bad anymore. Howard asked what it's going to cost. Sal said he's not sure but maybe 6-700. He said it could be $2,500. He said he had the front done. He admitted to it. Howard said he should have hair transplanted from Jason's back to his head. He said that Jason has thick, black, beautiful hair on his back. Howard said that would be so great. Sal said they should do that. Ronnie said he'd rather see him have cock hair up there. He cracked himself up saying that.
Howard said that Sal would need like $4,200 to do 600 follicles on his head. Sal said it's actually like $3,600. Howard let Sal and Ronnie go again after that. They played an Evil Dave prank call to Tan Mom as they went to break.
Jon said they asked if Dave had any discussions about his replacement. Jon said Dave says he didn't and he wasn't consulted and it bothers him too. He said they didn't ask him at all.
Howard said he kind of gets that he wasn't consulted. Howard said when you leave a gig they don't consult you. Howard said Dave doesn't want someone good coming in to replace him. Jon said management might want to consult you. Howard said he has done so well in radio and he has good instincts. Howard said you'd think the company would ask him to be a consultant. Howard said they don't. He said they have a great natural resource there and they don't use it. He said they want to be the ones making the decisions. Howard said Les Moonves wants to make the decisions there at CBS. He said he does pretty well with that.
Jon said they talked to Dave about the sex scandal too. He said Dave talked about what he thought was going to happen after that. Howard said one thing we have to grow up about is when it comes to sex. Howard said he can't stand that people give Bill Clinton a hard time. He said it is wrong to have sex with an intern but they get rid of politicians who have sex scandals that they cover up. Howard said most CEOs are the biggest assholes when it comes to sex. Robin said she thinks they've proven that.
Jon said they asked Dave about the reputation he has for not being warm. Jon said that Dave says he looks angry but he's not angry. He said he thinks that he got that from his parents. Howard said that he thinks you do get that from your parents. He said he got it from his parents.
Howard said he hasn't gotten to know Dave very well but he has gotten to know Evil Dave. Howard played some clips of Dave screwing up the Boston Bomber's name.
Howard said that there's an article about the song ''Louie, Louie'' and the controversy they had over it. Howard said the FBI investigated the song for over 2 years because they thought it was obscene. Howard said that they thought he was singing ''I'm gonna lay that girl...'' Howard said the FBI looked into it and said that the song was unintelligible at any speed. Howard said that this is the kind of thing they do to waste money.
Howard said that he has a clip of himself and Frank Zappa singing the song many years ago. Howard played the clip and he was playing piano. Howard said he's such an asshole. He said he doesn't have many pictures of himself hanging up but he does have one of himself and Frank Zappa. Howard said it's just him and Frank and he looks at it every morning and every night. Howard said he sees it in his closet. Howard said it's a small picture but he thinks about Frank all the time. He loved him as a guest on the show. Howard said he wasn't a big fan of his music but he did love him as a guest.
Howard said when Frank was dying they got a call from his wife who asked for all of their Channel 9 show. Howard said he was laying in his death bed watching that show. Howard said that made him happy that Frank was happy watching that.
Howard played more of the song he and Frank Zappa did. Howard asked Frank to take the lead but Frank said no because it was too good to put a lead on. Howard asked the guys not to replay that on Sternthology or anything.
Howard said Frank has been gone for so long. He said he sees his kids posting weird stuff once in a while. He said that he wishes they had their father. He said that guy was a trip. Howard said Frank was a good looking guy. Robin said she never looked at him like that. Howard said he did. He said he'd like to look like Frank, Rob Zombie or Joe Perry.
Howard said that's one of their listeners getting creative with the phony phone call format. Howard said he's got more to play. He said he may play them next week. Howard said they call an internet radio show and they use Jon Leiberman and Rapping Granny rapping. Howard said this is from the same listener. Howard played the call and the guy used Jon Leiberman rapping clips saying that he's a neighbor who won't stop doing that. Then he used Rappin' Granny clips and the woman told him to stop playing them because she didn't want to hear it. She eventually hung up on him.
Howard said they went out and asked people on the street if they can name the Beatles. They weren't able to find any.
Robin said the Tony nominations came out yesterday and Bradley Cooper was nominated for the Elephant Man. Robin said that Larry David didn't get any so they say he was being snubbed. Howard said that play was really funny. Howard said it reminded him of the old days when Woody Allen was on Broadway. Robin said they are saying that Finding Neverland was snubbed as well. Robin said Harvey Weinstein produced that show. Robin said Sting got a nomination.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Robin will show her jugs on the last day of the show. Howard said that will never happen. Robin said no way. Howard said maybe if they're in a revealing top. Robin said she was seen in bra.
Howard said the listener who sent in those phony phone calls from earlier is named Chris Wilding.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who asked about the way the show works because they're on a 7 minute delay. He said that people don't know what they're talking about. Howard said he makes a good point. Howard said he thinks they did 7 minutes for a good reason. Howard said the delay is for him and not for cursing. Howard said the delay is for himself and not for cursing. Ed said that they did it within 7 seconds. Howard said that he liked that because they fucked up once in a while and he could get away with it. Howard said that sometimes he says stuff that's fucked up and you don't realize it. Robin said he has used it when something legally can get them in trouble. Howard said they have a fact about how when he last used it. Howard said he hit it when he was talking to Jimmy Kimmel and he revealed that they were pregnant when no one else knew.
Gary said the delay is greater on the app than it is on a regular radio. He said it's 40 seconds on radio. Ed said that it's 7 minutes on the computer. Howard said that's the way it is on the internet. Howard said that's not his delay. Howard said you have to listen in a car. Ed said he's missing his point. Howard said he's right and he'll look into it. Howard said Ed is so used to him shooting his ideas down that he can't believe he's agreeing with him. Howard let Ed go and did a live commercial read and then sort of did a break and another live commercial read.
Robin got back to her news and read about a bullied transgender woman jumping to her death earlier this week from the George Washington Bridge. Robin said that two cops tried to stop her but failed. Robin said that she timed a post-death tweet that said that she killed herself and she was sorry. Howard said he didn't know you could send out a planned tweet. Howard said he can't even do a regular tweet. Robin said it was all online. Howard asked if the cops said ''sir or ma'am''. Robin said it was probably generic.
Robin said she wanted to ask Howard to ponder some of the questions the Supreme Court are asking about same sex marriage. Robin said that they were asking if this is right for the courts to change it. Howard said yes. He said of course it's right. Howard said it's like asking if they should change slavery after hundreds of years. Howard said of course it's okay to change it. Robin said that they say marriage has been evolving since the start. Robin said justice Anthony Kennedy says that the word that keeps coming back to him is the millennia thing. He says it's tough to say they know better. Howard said they're supposed to know better. Robin said John Roberts asks if they change this definition can they not open it again. Howard said it will be openable for all of time. Howard said nothing should be closed. Howard said that we've been wrong before and we should be able to change things.
Howard said Pat Robertson is up to his thing again. Howard asked Robin if she was pat and a woman writes in ad says her husband is cheating but with a man. What would she do. Robin said he's going to say she can't divorce him but she has to pray. Howard played the clip and Robertson says that this guy got drunk and had sex with a male friend and she should forgive. He said she should forgive him because it's been an 11 year marriage and it was just one time. Howard said Robertson is okay with sucking a little cock once in a while. Robin said if you're drunk all bets are off. Howard said his answer is the guy is gay and he cheated on her. Howard asked how you forgive that. Howard said forget the gay part, he cheated on her. Howard said not too many straight guys get drunk and ''accidentally'' suck a dick. Howard said he didn't get his dick sucked, he sucked a dick. Howard said that dude is gay. Howard said he has been drunk in his life but he has never sucked a cock. Robin asked how he knows. Howard said he knows.
Robin read more about the same sex marriage debate and some of the questions they're asking in the supreme court. Howard said they should just open it up to gay people. He asked who cares if two gay men are happy together. Robin said it's not her right to tell people what to do with their personal lives.
Howard said Fred went kind of gay at his bachelor party. Howard said he had Gay Rich on his lap and he made out with him. Fred said he doesn't remember that at all. Howard asked if he remembers kissing Rich. Fred said he doesn't remember any of that. He said he was in shock when he heard about it. Howard said he saw what was going down and he said to Rich that he had to back off because Fred didn't know what was happening. Howard said he put a stop to all of the suggestions being made. Howard said then Fred went face first down the stairs. Howard said there were a lot of hot chicks there so he wasn't watching Fred. Fred said that's the part he remembers. He said he also remembers getting home and looking at himself in the mirror and he wondered what the fuck went on. Howard asked if he stopped drinking after that. Fred said he's not a big drinker now. Gary said that they were drinking tequila and beer that night.
Gary said he went to the hospital with Fred and he wasn't moving. He said they were poking Fred and he wasn't responding. He said he didn't have any reflexes. Howard said Fred is the coolest. Gary said they couldn't tell if he was paralyzed or not. Howard said this was after the wedding too. Fred said he really felt bad about that. He said she had to go through a lot. Howard said he went down face first. Howard said that's why you don't have a bachelor party after the wedding.
Robin read about how Curtis Sliwa won't be returning to NY1. Robin said he made some sexist comments about a city council woman. Robin read what Curtis said about her and how she responded on Twitter so he commented back and said he wanted to have sex with her and he found her extraordinarily hot. Howard said that must be one uptight TV station. Robin said that it's Time Warner. Howard asked if he's still part of the Guardian Angels. Robin said he is still the head of them. Howard said he loves that organization. Howard said when you fuck with Twitter it comes out the wrong way. Robin said he did it on TV the first time. Then he went on a barrage on the TV after her Tweets. Robin said it's a political show and not a ''I think you're hot'' kind of show. Howard said Ronnie would be in jail if he was on that show.
Robin read a story about Scotty Pippin's daughter, Sierra, peeing in a lobby of a hotel and walking out. Robin said that she accused the cops of being racist and refused a sobriety test.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who he would see his daughter date, Benjy, Ralph or JD. Howard said that Benjy is out. Howard said he's such a sex freak. Benjy said he's not anymore. Howard said he's a freak. Benjy said he's not. Howard said there's something there. Howard said he just doesn't want it. Benjy asked who would be sweeter. Howard said JD. Howard said Ralph is a freak too. Howard had to hang up on the caller because of the bad connection. Howard said Ralph doesn't think of women in the right way. He said at least JD is a freak but he is sort of appreciative of his girlfriend. Howard said Benjy's judgment is off. Benjy said it's gotten better. Howard asked why they would trust him to judge himself. Benjy said that's a good point. Howard said his daughter would be fine until JD started going on the web cams. Howard did his daughter's voice and had JD in talking about that. JD thanked him for choosing him but he said he's not that bad. He said he isn't bad just because he doesn't know how to hold a fork.
Robin asked if Howard has ever come close to dropping his kids. Howard said he was so careful. He said he doesn't think he came close to dropping them. Robin said in this day and age if you drop one on the head what do you do. Howard said you go right to the hospital. Robin said they start asking questions right away. Howard said he had a friend who had that. Howard said the kid fell and broke a leg and then months later it broke an arm so there was an investigation. Howard said they do have to investigate. Robin asked if you make up a story or what. Howard said that's a tough one. Howard said he doesn't know what you do. Howard said he would just be honest. Robin read about a woman who dropped her child and claimed that some bat wielding thugs hit her child in the head. Robin said she broke down under questioning. It was just an accidental drop.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they know Robin sucks her own tits but he wants to know if she has ever tasted her own pussy juice. Howard said ''That's gross but Robin, have you ever done that?'' Robin said she thinks she's done enough for the show. Howard said that she must have done that. Robin said she has an important speech to give tomorrow so she won't talk about that. Robin said they have changed the venue for that event. Robin said it's in Baltimore County instead of the city. Howard said he is taking this as a yes that she has tasted her own pussy juice. Robin said he won't get confirmation. Robin said she has to speak to a group of people this week and she won't do this.
Howard said Robin has said she likes to taste herself on a man. Robin said she has not. Gary said he'll have the tape in a minute. Gary said they can pull it in a minute. Robin said they will not find that tape. Gary said that they do have it. Robin said she might have said she likes to taste herself on a man but she's not saying what they said. Howard said he doesn't have an answer for the caller. The caller said he's taking that as a yes. Howard went right into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a Baltimore mom who was praised for pulling her son away from the rioting crowds on Monday. Robin said that she went down and pulled her son from the crowd when she recognized him out there. Robin had audio of the woman talking about how she lost it when she saw her son. Howard said people are hailing her as a heroic mom but he gets a feeling that the kid has anger because his mom is smacking him around. Howard said he's not sure she's a role model. Howard said maybe they should sit the kid down and ask him why he's in a hoodie. Robin said he may not be doing that if he wasn't being smacked around. Robin had more tape of the woman talking about her son and how she doesn't want him being another Freddie Gray. Howard said she's a single mom with 6 kids. He said she has to think in a positive way. Howard said he does praise her for pulling her kid off the street but not for the smacking around.
Robin had some audio of Ray Lewis taking about the rioters and saying they have no right to do that and it's wrong. Howard said good for him. Robin had a couple of clips of Lewis for Howard to play. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard tried to pick up on Hanzi but he was snoring so Howard said he didn't have time for him today anyway.
Robin read a story about how the Spice Girls song ''Wannabe'' being the worst ''ear worm'' song. Robin had a list of other songs that she had Howard play. Howard was singing along with some of them. He said none of them were stuck in his head. Howard played Sour Shoes singing a song that might get stuck in his head. Howard said what he does to get a song out of his head is play another song. Robin said then that song gets stuck. Robin said they say just chewing gum can get a song out of your head. Robin said they say you can get rid of a song just by chewing gum. Fred played Crackhead Bob singing The Rolling Stones ''Satisfaction.'' Howard said that's one of their worst songs in his opinion.
Howard played a clip of Robin admitting she likes tasting herself after a man has been inside of her. Howard said that was from 2006.
Robin said that Michael Keaton was on with Dave Letterman last night. Robin said he was talking about Birdman. Howard said he really didn't like that movie. Robin had a couple of clips for Howard to play from that interview. Howard said Dave cuts people off when they praise him. Howard said he's not going to praise him then. He said he had to deal with that in therapy. Howard said he wants to be praised. He said he's very comfortable with that now.
Robin read a story about Rosie O'Donnell being in a custody battle with her latest Ex. Robin said that Michelle is going for soul custody of the child. Howard said that won't happen. Robin said they say that joint custody is the best thing for kids. Howard said that's right. Howard said he has always said that a child needs a mom and a mom. He said it's good to have the two parents.
Robin said that Seinfeld is a happy man because Sony and Hulu have made a deal to air Seinfeld. Howard said that show is unbelievable. He said that he has to sit down and watch that show. Robin said Hulu bought 180 episodes for $80 million. Howard said that's wild. He said Jerry has to be happy about that deal. He said he worked for a few years and he's still getting money for it. They wrapped up the news and ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon said that Jenny has dined with JD. Jenny said she has. She said he doesn't really eat food. She said that he pushes his food around on his plate. She said he ordered a grilled cheese and didn't really eat it. Jon said he went to dinner with JD and his girlfriend and he ordered grilled cheese that night too. Jon said that Howard was trying to do good for JD today but then everyone gets involved and now there's pressure on him to perform for the girlfriend's parents. Jon said they know JD is a sweetheart of a guy. Jenny said he really is. She said she'd like to know more about her parents. She said she'd like to know if they're as open minded about JD as she is.
Jenny told Jon that she's finding out that JD is kind of popular and she feels used. She said that she felt like she was dating him via text and now she finds out he's texting other people. Jon said a lot of celebrities have befriended him and he has a lot of text friends. He said that JD and Ryan are buddies now. Jon said that Jenny is not alone in reaching out to JD.
Jenny said she had to follow JD home in a car to find out where he went after dinner. She said that there has to be secrets he's keeping. Jon said everyone loves JD. Jon said he sees good things for this relationship with JD and this girl. Jenny said she puts up with a lot. Jon said she's pretty fantastic. Jenny asked if he likes her better than her. Jon said he has never dined with Jenny so he's not sure. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that he wanted to talk about Ryan Phillippe. He said that JD did the pre-interview. Jon said that he's excellent with the spoken word but he has trouble getting it out verbally. Jenny said JD sounds like he's not happy but he's just awkward. Jon wondered what kind of advice people have for JD and meeting the parents. Jon said he thinks JD said it was okay to burp during a meal as long as you say ''excuse me.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's like listening to family with the show. He said the only person he worries about is JD. Jon said he thinks that JD has a very bright future after this. Jenny said he's so talented. Jon said he's loved on the air and the stuff he pulls is amazing. He said where he might struggle is in an interview. Jenny agreed with Jon. She said that he's seen everything and he reads everything. Jon said the guys like Benjy and Sal may have a problem. He said they're both very talented but they have revealed some stuff on the show that may not play in other work places. Jon said in a creative place they are crazy but in a good way. He said they have to find a place to use that.
Jenny said she has never met Benjy. She said that he strikes her as someone who is difficult to work with. She said that Howard has exposed a lot of that. She asked if they have to hire his girlfriend too. Jon said that is the question. Jon said that people are aware of Benjy and the things that go on in his life. Jon said he doesn't think JD will struggle. He said he is still young too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he has held his fork a certain way and he had no idea it was the wrong way to hold a fork. He said a few months ago his wife said to him that he holds it like a shovel. He said he's blind though. Jon said that is the big difference. Jon said that JD hasn't taken the time to learn how to hold a fork properly. Jon said that it's a different thing when you're blind and can't see how other people are doing it. Jon said that it can make a big difference when you're making an impression on someone. Jon said that they drill down to every subject on the show. Jon asked if Jenny thinks he looks like a caveman. Jenny said JD looks like her 1 year old holding a fork. Jon asked if that's a red flag to her or does she just let it go. Jenny said that she would roll with it. She said she'd have to see other things happening. She said she's left handed so she can't hold scissors. She said she would note it and continue to see other red flags that pop up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his suggestion is to have Howard go in a surrogate dad and help JD out to see what he needs to do. Jon said that he'd feel no pressure over that. The caller said that he'd look good bringing Howard to dinner. Jon said Howard and Beth aren't going. The caller said he knows that. Jon said that wouldn't help. The caller said they could record it with GoPros. Jon said that something like that may be coming up. He said that if they sent him to a finishing school then it might be a long lasting thing. Jon said that you want that raw guy on the show though. Jon went to break a short time later.
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Gary said Sal really takes his whole personal looks thing to another level. He said he says he doesn't tan but he uses tanning cream. Gary said he uses creams and hair sprays and all of that. He said that he knows the alligator skin really bothers him. He said that when Sal gets nervous it gets really bumpy. Sal said once he went for his teeth he went for his forehead. Gary said Sal gets really upset when he says he looks just like Elvis' mother.
Gary said Sal isn't allowed to spray his hair in the house so he has to go outside and sprays it to run into it. He said it's crazy.
Jon said Sal got into it with Ronnie and Gary. He said Ryan Phillippe asked for a sex tip from Ronnie. He said it's the glee that Ronnie tells it with that's creepy. Gary said it's that voice he puts on too. He said it gets creepy and ugly there.
Jon asked Jenny if any of those sex tips turn her on. Jenny said she is freaked out by them. She said they're scary.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he's ever thought he was going to get fired over something on the show. Gary said he has but it was something off the air that they didn't discuss. He said it was a clerical thing and he thought he was going to get fired. Jon said that Gary has been doing this a long time and he still thinks that he can get fired. Gary said that Jackie thought they couldn't live without him and he ended up leaving and they didn't need him. He said that he goes into work thinking that they don't need him. Jon said that you are always looking over your shoulder. Gary said it's a stressful way to work. Gary said he thinks his job is secure there but he can't say they'll never get rid of him. Gary said David Letterman had a producer for many years and he let him go one day. He said he figures he could be let go at any time as well.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't get why JD doesn't take Howard up on his offer to help. He said that he should do the finishing school thing. Gary said he thinks he should go. He said JD said that no one ever told him what to do. He said that he helped his son how to do things like how to put a tie on and a tux on for his prom. He said he thinks JD missed out on a lot of that stuff. Gary said maybe he would have gone to a different place if he had that guidance.
Gary said that they have to think about if they want to help JD or keep a character for the show. Jon said he thinks they want both.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if JD is a babbling mess when they're alone with him. She wondered if he's more comfortable of the air. Jon said he thinks they'll get a resounding yes from everyone there. Gary said there is a comfort level with Jon and then you move on to others. He said even when he's at his best he stumbles a bit. Jon said that they all get nervous in the studio. Jon said that Jenny was talking to him in the hall today and it's not that much different. Jenny said she gets a lot of awkward pauses from him. She said that he'll say something normal and they're back into the conversation.
Jon said that Howard also picked up on JD's apologizing. Jon said that's his personality. He said he's always saying he's sorry for things. He said that's a tough wall to break through. Gary said that he is very loyal and he wants to do the best job. He said that's where that comes from. Jenny said that JD is the greatest friend too.
Gary said there's been something strange going on all week. He said Howard was mad about that whole thing with the dinner. He said Howard was okay with him but then he'd look at him and remember that he was irritating him. Gary said he was only going in there for the things he really had to. He said he felt like he really upset Big Daddy like he's in a cult. He said he wants his love. Jon said he'll be fine on Monday when they have a new week start.
Jon said that Benjy did one thing that was kind of odd. He said that Benjy jumped in and the vortex sound effect came on. He said that Howard went right to Benjy and you wonder where Howard stands on that. Gary said Benjy sued to be interesting before he wasn't. He said that Howard goes back because of that and you think you're going to get something interesting. He said it's a knee jerk reaction.
Jon went to Rahsaan about the poll they have up today. Jon asked how the voting went. Rahsaan said 39 percent voted ''no'' and 31 percent voted ''yes because he's a nice man.'' The rest of the votes were for ''Yes, because Howard taught JD how to behave.''
Jon and Gary spent a little more time talking about JD and his girlfriend. Jon got in some plugs and wrapped up the show around 11:55am.
Jon asked J. Anthony how he became a fan of the show. J. Anthony said they were on in L.A. and they were on after their show. He said that he could listen when they were done with their show. He said at the end of their day he'd turn on Howard.
Gary said they all got ISDN lines and they'd do shows over that. J. Anthony said that's how they do their show now. He said they can be anywhere in the country. He said they rarely see anyone. Gary said they are always in the same room. He said that's the way they operate. J. Anthony said that they'd die if they had to be in the same room. J. Anthony said that Howard is notorious for making people crazy and putting them on the air. He said if you do something stupid you're on the air. Jon said that happens just about every day.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. He said they have a lot to get into today. Gary said he wants to fix one thing in there. He said that the guy who left messages or Sal isn't really a stalker. He's more of a fan. J. Anthony said that the biggest story for him is the shitting story. Gary said he thinks that was tied up very quickly. He asked if Jason did the right thing by copping to it. J. Anthony said that he thinks he did. He said he didn't know they had cards to get in the bathroom. He said if other people go in and shit on your card time they think you did it.
Gary said he went in there recently and there was a smell. He said they had a big guest that day. He said they had Ronnie check into it to find out who did it. He said he didn't want to get into the details though.
Jon said that Robin wanted to make sure that she wasn't on the hook for it this week. Jon said they have a poll up today about this. He asked Rahsaan about that. Rahsaan said they're asking ''What was the weirdest/grossest staff moment of the week?'' The choices were:
Jon said that's a tough choice. Gary said he has an answer there. He said he won't get into it. Jon said if you do the crime you should do the time. He said Jason is the one who knows he shouldn't go in there. He said if it was Sal or Richard it would have been a different story. He said that he's wondering where the punishment is. Gary said no matter where you work the rules bend. He said it's how you react to it. J. Anthony said that it's all about dogging you out on the air. He said they make you look like an ass and that's your punishment. Jon said that's why Jason was smart because Howard moved on quickly.
Gary said Jason doesn't do dumb shit and that's why he's treated differently than Sal. Jon said Sal wouldn't have copped to it. Jon said they'll talk more about that after a break. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a woman who said that the hard time Howard gave to Gary has to do with her call. She said that she doesn't like the way Howard responded to Ryan Phillippe about taking medication. She said she thinks that Howard is pretty messed up and he could benefit from medication. She said that she may not even recognize his own ignorance. Gary said Howard isn't against medication for that, he's against medication for anything. He said Howard isn't taking anything for any reason. The caller asked why he would say he's not that bad off. Jon said that Howard never said he was perfect. He said that because he was talking about therapy and how Ryan was dealing with it. Jon said Howard said he didn't reach that point ''yet'' and that's when all else has failed.
Gary said maybe Howard thinks that the medication is an admission of failure. J. Anthony said that Tom Joyner feels the same way about medication. He said Tom will not take a pill. He said he thinks that it'll work itself out. Jon said that Howard puts it all out there and neither one of them feels perfect. Gary said that Howard got a flu shot this year and that's a huge step for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the grossest thing all week was that Benjy can't quit Elisa. He said that he's pussy whipped and that's pretty gross. J. Anthony asked if he really loves this girl. Jon and Gary said yes. J. Anthony said that she clearly doesn't give a shit about Benjy. He said he's never met the guy but she is a hot chick. He said she clearly could care less. He said she's singing a song about another guy. Jon said that there are people who are blinded by love. J. Anthony said he has been and he knows what he's going through. He said one day he'll wake up and realize she's a piece of shit. J. Anthony said that Howard has said that it's the hottest piece of ass that Benjy will ever get. He said that's hard to let go of. He said this is ass he's not even getting.
Jon said that Elisa used to say that she wanted to move forward with the relationship. J. Anthony said that Benjy isn't getting anything though. Gary said that Benjy wants to bring other chicks into the bedroom with the hottest chick too. He said he had to have one more thing. Jon said he's not sure that Benjy would ever be satisfied.
Gary said Benjy is getting into that territory where he's getting older and he's not married. He wondered if he will ever get married. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks Benjy wants to. J. Anthony said a lot of the guys on the show are married. Gary asked if Benjy or Ralph have a better chance of marrying. Jon said he thinks Benjy does. He said that Ralph is happy where he's at. J. Anthony said that once Benjy gets over Elisa he'll move on. He said that will be a while though. Jon said that it's not going to get better than this for Benjy. He said it seemed like she was what he was looking or. He said she has to want to marry him though. She apparently doesn't want to put up with that. J. Anthony said he thinks she wanted to get her songs on the show and all of that. He said it worked for her. He said now she has a podcast that they normally wouldn't be talking about. Jon said J. Anthony brought it up this time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's glad they brought Benjy and Elisa up. He said he likes the show dissecting the and talking about the bathroom stuff too. He said he works with some big guys and they used to leave a mud streak on the toilet seat. He said you'd walk in the bathroom and see the streak on the seat. Jon said the thing about their bathroom is that Howard has laid down the law about going in there. He said if you have to go you have to go but you can walk 50 feet out to the public bathroom. Gary said that their bathroom is very different than other work place bathrooms. He said it's a once toilet bathroom and it's insanely clean. He said that it's very noticeable when it's dirty. Jon said that bathroom is for guests and for Fred, Robin and Benjy who have to be in there to be on the air.
J said he remembers listening to the show a while back who went all over the wall. Gary said they have bathroom stories from back at K-Rock. He said they had someone who shit all over the bathroom to prove a point. Gary said he got the point. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said that Robert talked about how his wife put a 500 dollar limit on his spending. Jon said that he's 50 now and he doesn't want to make any crazy purchases. Gary said if he was going to make a big purchase he'd tell his wife. He said he'd talk about it with her. Gary said that he had a friend who isn't married anymore and he used to make big purchases without asking his wife. Gary said that Robert might come home and say he bought a Lear jet. J. Anthony said that he can afford that though.
Jon said that it hasn't always been great for Robert and he appreciates where he's at now. Jon said Howard is the same way. He said he appreciates the value of money. Gary said he really does. He said he's a big tipper and he thinks it's weird when people throw their money away on ''dumb stuff.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to come to Benjy's rescue. He said he's not sure why they say that Elisa is hot. Gary said that he's going to stop him there. He said that he stood next to her at the Christmas party and she wore a short dress. He said she has a beautiful face. The caller said his wife used to date Ryan Phillippe so he knows what hot is. J. Anthony asked who else is hot. The caller wasn't naming names. Jon asked what point he wanted to make and then said the guy hung up.
Jon asked if the relationship between JD and Ryan is surprising. Gary said he got home last night and Mary said that he sounds like a really nice guy. Gary said he thinks it's genuine and it comes across. Jon said he feels like it's a peer to peer thing. He said with Howard it's like father to son. He said JD is apologizing for everything all the time lately. J. Anthony asked who is closest to Howard. Jon said he thinks it's Gary. Gary said he thinks Howard likes Jon a lot too. He said that he appreciates Jon's intelligence. He said Howard and Steve have art in common and he likes Jason too. J. Anthony said he thinks Howard likes Benjy. Gary said he does but he tries to help him and Benjy just doesn't see it.
Jon said that Howard has seen things clearly from the start and he tells people that. Gary said you have to believe that what you're doing is right. He said that Howard was doing things that he was told not to do. J. Anthony said that when they started the syndicated show they wondered how people knew what time it was. He said that they figured all of that out. Gary said they were on in 3 cities and they moved into L.A. He said that they didn't think the show was going to work in L.A. Part of it was the time delay. Gary said that he had the conversation with Howard and Howard was so definitive that it would work. He said he knew it would work. Gary said Howard said it was bullshit and it was going to work because other shows have worked on both coasts. J. Anthony said that argument happens a lot. He said that people will listen no matter where you're on if they like the show.
Jon asked J. Anthony why he likes the show so much. J. Anthony said that he brings everyone who works on the show into the show. He said you can't write that Benjy story. He said that you can't write that stuff. He said he puts people together who don't like each other because it makes great radio. Jon asked if that was taboo on radio for awhile. J. Anthony said it was. He said that you heard time checks and things. He said you never heard what was going on off the air.
Gary said they have a cough button there to cut off coughing but Howard tells you not to do that. He said he wants to hear reality. J. Anthony asked Gary what it is about his coughing that bothers Howard so much. Gary said he really doesn't know. Jon said that Gary hasn't been clearing his throat lately. Gary said it's very much weather related. Jon said it's like Howard is waiting for it and Gary hasn't done it lately. Gary said Jon just got in his head with that. He said now he'll think about that on his way to work on Monday.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 84 percent of the votes were for Richard and the pubes. Gary said that is as weird as it gets.
Jon asked what's going on with Sal's hair. Gary said he doesn't know. He said that he hasn't seen someone use Rogaine and get that much hair. He said that he may have done that and gotten the follicle plugs done. J. Anthony asked if Ronnie is the only security that Howard has. Gary said no. J. Anthony said that's good. He said he thinks he's a nice guy but if some real shit went down he's not sure he'd be the one to do the job. Jon said Ronnie thinks he is.
Jon got in some plugs for Sternthology and today's Jon Leiberman Embedded with High Pitch Eric before ending the show. They were done around Noon.
They played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show after the hellos. Jon said that Matt from California (Monotone Matt) is also making news this week. Jon said they have a poll up today as well. He asked Rahsaan for the details of that. Rahsaan said that they're asking ''Is Matt in California an Official Wack Packer?''
Jon asked Bill what he thinks about Matt. Bill said he's giving a no on that. He said that real wack packers don't know that they're being titillating. He said he thinks Matt is doing it just fro that. He said that the real Wack Pack has no idea that what they're doing is insane.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said he thinks Matt is just wacky and he doesn't know what to say and what not to say. Gary said when they were being tormented by the FCC they'd never say what was indecent but they'd know it when they see it. Gary said he thinks that's the case with Matt.
Jon asked Bill who his favorite Wack Packer is. Bill said that he loved Eric the Actor. He said no one comes close to Eric. Jon asked Bill who the bigger fan is, bill or his wife Christa Miller. Bill said that his wife puts the kids and him second and third to Howard said she might win. He said he is a superfan of the show though. Gary asked who the bigger fan is out of Christa or Natalie Maines. Bill said he would say Natalie because she enjoys talking about it more. He said Christa listens to it in the morning and Natalie has it on her brain all day. He said that it might have even surpassed music for Natalie. Jon said that they have to take a break but when they get back they'll talk about Ryan Phillippe and JD. Jon said that Bill and JD also talk over text and DM on Twitter. Jon also mentioned his Embedded series with High Pitch Eric and said you can call in with any questions about that. They went to break after that.
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Jon asked Bill what he thinks. Bill said that his wife is way out of his league and there is no way he'd be with her if he didn't know how to sit at a table correctly. He said she lost her shit when she saw JD holding a knife and fork. Jon asked what JD should do when he meets his girlfriend's parents. Bill said he has to work on the table manners. He said he has to present himself well.
Jon asked Gary if JD will agree to go to finishing school. Gary said JD will do whatever Howard tells him to. He said that he will go but grudgingly. Bill said it's something you can knock out in a couple of weeks. Gary said that it's more about the embarrassment that he's doing something wrong. He said that is the part that's bothering him. Gary said before he met his wife he was a Neanderthal. He said he's not that great now but he has learned a lot of things. He said he was kind of resentful of people telling him how to do things and maybe JD is like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD needs confidence. He said that he lacks that and if he can get it then he'll be able to go into it without being scared. Jon asked Bill how much that will hinder JD when he meets the parents. Bill said he thinks JD lacks huge amounts of confidence as a public performer. He said he thinks in his personal life he might be more confident. Gary said he has seen JD thrown into things and he's the same guy he is on the air. He said that with Bill he feels like he knows him. He said that this is all going to depend on the girlfriend's father and how he treats JD. He said if he's not easy to talk to then it's going to be a very long dinner.
Bill said that JD told him once that it was cool being at the birthday bash but he didn't talk to one celebrity there. He said he found that pretty funny.
Jon said that they found out that JD and Ryan Phillippe were communicating regularly and now he's found out that Bill communicates with JD regularly too. Bill said they're both TV needs and fans and JD is funny in the tweets. He said he was going through them recently and JD wrote something funny after watching some of the stuff he has to sit through. Bill said that you read this stuff and he comes across so different in the written word.
Gary said Seth Meyers talked about how they hired one of their writers based solely on his Twitter feed. He said he was tweeting funny stuff and they hired him based on that. Gary said JD kind of fits that bill. Bill said that you used to have to show up to an interview to get hired. He said he hired someone in a weird way. He said this guy sent him a DVD that said ''writing sample'' and it was 15 minutes of the guy just writing in front of his computer. He said that's a ballsy thing so he had to hire him.
Gary said a lot of writers aren't that funny in person. Bill said that when you hear a joke you don't hear a laugh. He said some guys will just said ''yeah, that's funny.'' Bill said that other guys will suggest changing a couple of words and that will make it funny.
Jon asked Bill if he thinks JD should communicate via written word. Bill said he'd have to walk around like Stephen Hawking with a computer around his neck or something. Gary said either that or a chalkboard around his neck.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard on Sternthology and JD hasn't changed in the past 10 years or so. Gary said that's not true. He said he has changed a lot. He said that JD didn't drink when they met him. He said that he wouldn't leave the house and he didn't like going to parties. Gary said the prospect of him having a girlfriend was slim to none. He said he has friends and a girlfriend and he has evolved enormously. Bill asked if JD will ever be more confident on the air. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he has been there long enough that it should have happened already. Gary said if Howard wants to he can melt you in a second. Gary said Howard can look you in the eye and not say something for a beat and you feel like you fell off a cliff. He said that his other move is saying that he has no idea what you just said.
Jon asked Bill if JD has ever said something about TV or movies that has shocked him. Bill said that there's a show called Broadchurch that they remade here in the US as ''Grace Point'' and JD had some thoughts on that and he stopped watching the show based on what JD said. Bill said he agreed with JD about the show. He said he finds JD to be able to drop a reference to something and he's pretty amazing. Bill said you can tell right away that he'd be able to find a gig if he wanted to.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to give Jon props on the Embedded series. He asked how they can get him up to Toronto to Hanzi. Jon said that is a great question and they are kicking around a number of potential Embedded. He said he will talk more about that after a break. They went to break after that.
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Jon talked about using the term masturbation so much and he never thought he would. He said it happened a lot with High Pitch Eric and Big Foot. Bill said he is a big fan of those guys and he loves hearing the Embedded series.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Jon is doing a great job. He asked if High Pitch Eric smokes. Gary said no. The caller said he's never heard someone so phlegmy. Gary said that he thinks it's his diet. Bill said it makes him worry. Jon said that his canister of shake cheese wasn't a small one. He said it was a full sized one. He said that it was full when they started and empty when they were done. Bill said he thinks he could watch him eat a whole plate of pasta. He asked how long that takes. Jon said it takes about 8 minutes from the delivery until the complete devouring.
Gary said Eric had a job at Yankee stadium and he was semi-security. He said he had to make sure people didn't take drinks outside. Gary said that he was told a story about how Eric had to pour a drink from a glass into a plastic cup and he would have his hand on the top of the cup. He said it made him want to vomit.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what it would take for Bill to hire JD. Bill said to get a gig in the industry you have to show a portfolio. He said that the biggest thing would be for him to show a true full on going for it. He said that he thinks JD could find someone to take a chance on him.
Gary asked Bill how hirable everyone on the show is. He asked about Richard, Sal and even Jon or him. Gary asked if they're all hirable or has Howard taken the best he can out of everyone. Bill said behind the camera everyone is hirable. Bill said there are freak shows in the writers rooms. He said they have talented, funny people working there. He said he likes seeing everyone contribute. Bill said he's interested to see what happens when Howard hangs it up. He said he's looking forward to seeing what the rest of them decide to do. Bill said that they will all have different reactions to what they do. Jon said it will be interesting to see how the Wack Pack react too. He said that a caller asked who they're going to do next for Embedded and they're looking at Sour Shoes, Hanzi, Matt from California and more.
Jon said that leads them to the poll. He asked Rahsaan what the poll results were. Rahsaan said that 69 percent of the votes say yes, Matt is in the Wack Pack.
Gary asked Bill where he thinks the Wack Pack would disperse to. Jon said he thinks the Joey Boots podcast. Gary said no one hears that unless Howard replays it. Bill said if they don't do a Wack Pack special 5 years later it might be the biggest thing ever. Gary said he would love to do a coffee table book about the Wack Pack. Jon said they had to wrap up after that. Jon gave Bill some plugs for Undateable which is an hour long on Tuesday and also live that night. Jon got in some plugs and ended the show around 11:55am.