Howard started the show talking about the upcoming 4 hour extravaganza they had coming up. Howard said people claim they don't work enough. He said he read an article where they speculated about his return to SiriusXM. He said they say he has a great deal working just 3 days a week. Howard said if you take any of these 1 hour TV shows they work just an hour a day and no one complains. Howard said he works more than that. He said he does in one day what they do all week. He said then he does another 2 shows of 4 hours. Howard said he does 12 hours a week and they're doing 5 hours a week. He said they get blasted for that. Howard said that some of those people do 2 shows in a day. Robin said Alex Trebek doesn't get any shit for shooting multiple shows a day.
Howard said he wonders why he does 4 hour shows. He said that was set up because of the ratings in radio. He said they don't have to do that. Howard said management told him that if he's going to do less than 3 days a week then they're not interested in a deal. Howard said that's fine, he won't do a deal. Howard said there is no reason to have to do so many hours. He said when he hears these reports about how much money he's making he wonders why they think he's not working. He said he's doing hours and hours a day. Howard said it's only him. Robin said the scrutiny is only on their situation.
Howard said the Bloomberg article about him was very nice. He said that he was going to have some clips pulled but he may have found them boring. JD said he did find them boring. Howard said he's really not sure what he's going to do. Robin said people ask her about that and she tells people Howard doesn't know what he's doing until the last minute. Howard said he likes being home. He said he likes no stress. Howard said even a podcast would be too much stress for him. Robin said he would want results. Howard said right.
Howard said if management came to him with a compelling deal he would sign it immediately. He said he has so many offers on the table that he could do too. He said there's a part of him that doesn't want to do anything. He said his agent told him about a job that would be his dream job. He said he'd love to be able to do that. Benjy asked if it's a game show host. Howard said no. Howard said it's hosting Fashion Police. Howard said Kathy Griffin will be there today to talk about quitting that job. Howard said that she wants to come in and explain what happened there. Howard said he's a big fan of Kathy's. Robin said that she'll tell them what really went down.
Howard said their contract is up in January. He said he really doesn't know what he wants to do. Howard said he doesn't know what he's going to do. He said that when they were on terrestrial radio he was going to do another contract there. Then Leon Black from Sirius asked him to come and talk to him. He said he signed with him within 2 weeks. He said that the job was compelling. He said there's no reason to sign if it's not compelling. Howard said it's a different world now.
Howard took a call from Jeff Jarvis who said he begged Howard to go on the internet 5 years ago. He said now more than ever he could do it. He said he could own it himself. He asked if that's appealing. Howard said not really. Howard said that working for yourself it's compelling. He said when you work on the internet you're working for the audience. Howard said you're never really in that position where you can wake up and not feel like working. Howard said they need money for broadcasting facilities and things like that. Jeff said that he could get backing for that. Howard said if he's running it or not doesn't matter. He said that if a listener is his boss then he has to work for them. Jeff said he's telling him to go to the internet then.
Howard said he saw Jeff's tweet yesterday about his painting of the rose. He said he loves to paint and it relaxes him. Howard said Beth wants some paintings of roses for her wall. Howard said she asked for paintings of flowers. He said that he learned to paint flowers using watercolor. Howard said it's very difficult to paint. He said he did one of a pink rose. Howard said Beth thought the painting was beautiful. Howard said he likes doing this and people can ruin it for him. Howard said he likes to make stuff for his wife and kids. He said he gave some to his kids. Howard said he enjoys this and people will just ruin it. He said he knew that people were going to call him a faggot and a homo or a little girl. Howard said he doesn't mind being called a homo because he's very pro-gay but he doesn't want to put it out there for the public. Howard said he gets sucked in and he tells Beth to put it up. He said he thought the flower was very good. Jeff said it was very good. Howard said he started painting it while listening to music. He said it took the whole night to do it. He said it relaxed him though.
Howard said people were very positive about the painting. He said that he shouldn't put them out there though. Jeff said he should put it out there if people are complimenting it. Howard said he just can't take the negativity. Jeff said Howard was talking to Madonna and she said that he had said negative stuff about her in the past. He asked if Howard can't take it himself. Howard said he was angry when he was younger. He said that those feelings were genuine back then. He said that he felt like the only person who deserved attention was him. He said that's what it was like for him. He said the world was his and if you like Madonna then you hate him. Howard said that's what his thinking was. Howard said he was an endless black hole of hate and anger. He said he's not cured. He said he realized that he's a fan of a lot of the things he said he hated. Howard said he liked Madonna's ''Ray of Light'' album. He said he would jump to the negative instead of his genuine feelings. Jeff said no one else has to give their thoughts 5 hours a day either.
Robin said there should be room for satire. Howard said what he was doing wasn't satire. Howard said when her movie came out called ''Swept Away'' he was brutal on that. Howard said he went overboard. Howard said he can understand why she hated him.
Jeff said that he got a letter from Allen Thicke asking him to stop using him as a punching bag. He said that he gets that. He said he was an easy target. Howard said he would do that at times. He said he's in a weird position though. He said he has to fill 4 hours of time. He said he doesn't apologize for any of it. He said it's stream of consciousness. Robin said Saturday Night Live goes through the paper every week and they make fun of pop culture. Howard said that's what his job is too. He said he can get very personal though. He said he'll push it like that. Howard said Madonna got the impression that he didn't like her and he can understand why.
Jeff asked what it was that got Madonna in there. Howard said they've been trying to get her in there for 25 years or so. Howard said he's not sure. Jeff asked if the Bloomberg thing was a negotiating valentine from Sirius. Howard said he thinks the Bloomberg piece was about Sirius and that turned into Howard Stern. He said it was supposed to be different and it morphed into that. He said it was very honest. Howard said they were wondering if he's going to re-sign and they explained why he's important. Howard said it was all 100 percent accurate. Jeff told him to come to the internet. He said they need him. Howard asked why that is so important. Jeff said that Howard could do the same he did for Sirius for the internet. Howard said they have an internet app there now. He said he gets it through the internet. Jeff said he wonders what it would be like if it was Howard Inc. He said he'd like to see him do something on the internet. Howard said he thinks he's created enough history. Howard said they took satellite and rocked it. Jeff said yes but he could do the same with the net. Howard said we'll see what happens. He let Jeff go after that.
Howard said it was Gary's birthday on Saturday. Robin forgot about it. Howard asked if she got him a gift and Robin said she didn't know.
Howard played a clip for Gary's birthday celebration where they were going to have special guests show up at the Applebees near Hammerstein Ballroom. Howard played a song that Jon Hein was singing to Gary. He also had a birthday song with Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' clips in it. Howard had a few other clips they had prepared for his birthday. Howard said Gary is 54 years old now. They had songs and
Howard asked Gary if he got any pieces of vinyl for his birthday. Gary said he didn't get any from anyone there. Howard played a clip of someone taking pictures of Gary out on the street and asking if they knew who Gary was.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a guy named Benjy using clips of Gary talking to Benjy about peeing on the side of the Hammerstein Ballroom. Howard said this is the stupidest thing ever. Howard played another birthday song from Psych for Gary after that.
Howard said they showed pictures of Gary to children asking them how old they thought he was. They ranged from 58 to 92. Howard said he might want to update that look. Howard asked what he did for his birthday. Gary said he went to dinner and then went to see a band play. Gary mentioned that his son was home from college. Howard said his daughter was home from school too. Gary said he was in Cancun the whole week. He said he advised him not to leave the compound down there. Howard said that kids can get crazy down there. Robin said only one or two die after thousands go. Robin said you can't stop doing everything. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard asked if Gary had to give his kid rubbers and stuff. Gary said he went there with 20 guys. He said he didn't ask about the girl thing other than finding out there were girls there. He said his son is 20 years old now. Gary said he knows his kid has to be up to something. Howard said giving him rubbers is the right thing to do. Gary said he did that when he went to college. He said he did tell him to use them. Howard asked if his son was embarrassed. Gary said probably but he felt he had to give them to him. Howard asked if he told him not go go down on them. Gary said no but the thing he's worried about is him telling the truth if anything weird goes down at the frat house. Gary said he hopes he has respect for woemn and all of that. Howard said he thinks he's doing all the right things.
Gary said the other thing he has to talk to his son about is not hanging out on a balcony because they can collapse if there are too many on there. He said that's been happening lately. Howard asked if it's hard to give fatherly advice when he's known for running the Sybian. Gary said he's pretty sure his kid doesn't know about that. Gary said he's glad that he used to make him wear the mask. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that they have an announcement to make. He said if you're black and you have a beautiful penis then contact them at firstname.lastname@example.org. Howard said they are pro-black and they want to get more black people on the show. Howard said they have a great judge for that contest. Robin guessed George Takei. Howard said that she can figure it out.
Howard said that Kathy is there to talk about leaving the Fashion Police show. Howard said that should be good. Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows Howard does these long shows. He didn't get to a point fast enough so Howard let him go.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Madonna interview was so cool. Howard said he listened to it over the weekend. He said he does that for a quality check. Howard said that he evaluates it and listens. He said he had a whole other impression listening than he did doing it. Howard said she was very open and honest and he liked it. The caller said he thought she was going to bite Robin's head off when Robin said she doesn't take care of her own kids. Robin said she thinks she smoothed that over. Robin said when a hard working man comes in there they don't even think about him being a good father.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if he ever sees himself hanging out with Madonna at a social event. Howard said he isn't real good at that. Howard said he and Rosie hung out and exchanged email and became friends. He said he doesn't fantasize about that but he thinks it could happen with Madonna. Howard said he doesn't lay in bed wondering. Bobo asked if he got to chat off the air at all. Howard said they did for a minute but it wasn't much of anything.
Robin said Madonna is very short. Robin said she doesn't think Howard would be able to have a conversation with her. Howard said he would just hunch over. Howard said he's always hunched over. Bobo said you have to respect Madonna. He said she came from nothing. Howard said she's got a very inspirational story. Bobo said he had one more thing but Fred was playing him off with music. Bobo said he has Gary's bee keeper mask. Howard said that's right. He let Bobo go after that and then played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a guy using clips of Howard going off on people who do podcasts. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Kathy Griffin is there. He said that she was the new host of Fashion Police but she has left that show. Howard said that she was all over the news this weekend. Howard said that she stayed in town an extra day for them. Howard said he wants to know what happened at Fashion Police. Howard said he was excited for her when she got that job. Howard said if Joan Rivers was going to be replaced then Kathy was the best one for the job. Kathy said that's what they told her at E! too.
Howard asked Kathy about Joan dying. Howard said that Cindy Adams printed an article that said Joan wasn't even cold yet and Kathy was jumping in and trying to get that job. Kathy said she said that and even a week or two ago she said that she was wringing her hands when she was in a coma and talking about it at the funeral. Kathy said that was nasty. She said she wasn't doing that. She said she went on record that she would not take that job. She said she felt odd about it. Kathy said Joan was her pal and she's not sure why Cindy wrote that. Howard said he isn't either.
Howard said Kathy isn't desperate for a job on TV. Kathy said she has had her own shows and she has won Emmys. Howard said she's not that hard up that she has to get that job on Fashion Police. Howard said E! doesn't pay a lot of money. Kathy said that's true. She said it's not a Ryan Seacrest $40 million job or anything. Kathy said they thought she was the most appropriate person for the job but she had very large shoes to fill. Howard said he doesn't watch the show but he assumes it's commenting on what people are wearing. Kathy said it's 90 percent women they're commenting on. Howard said it must have been weird getting there and filling in for Joan. Kathy said she was only there 7 weeks and she felt like she was getting her sea legs. She said they wanted her to stick to a format that they wanted her to do. She said that she wanted to do something different. Howard said Joan was more prepared to do things with written jokes and things. Kathy said that they had a 3 ring binder with jokes pre-chosen.
Howard said that you go into the show and she wants to react spontaneously. Kathy said she doesn't have writers. She said she does her own thing. Howard said she goes in on the show and did she sense that other people on the show like Kelly Osbourne weren't happy with her. Kathy said she thinks that's incorrect. She said she is friends with Kelly and Sharon. She said that Kelly is still grieving and she's very open about that. Kathy said that anything between them was all made up. Kathy said she has never worked on a show with so many leaks. She said they were constantly calling about leaks from the show. She said that she never calls those people. She said that it's a leaky boat over there. Howard asked if they were leaking things about what she was going to say on the air. She said they were. Kathy said that she was told she could clean house if she wanted to. She didn't want to do that. Kathy said she wasn't looking to put anyone out of work.
Howard said Kathy begins to work and there are a lot of eyeballs on her. Kathy said the press was saying she's no Joan Rivers and she never said she was. Howard asked if she feels she never should have taken the gig. Kathy said she did think that. She said Joan just died 6 months ago.
Howard said Melissa was happy she was there. Kathy said that Melissa told her that her mom probably would have chosen her as the only one who could fill her shoes.
Howard said they had to get the chemistry going on the show. Kathy said she didn't know them as well as she'd like to.
Howard said Giuliana Rancic said something about a black actress having dreadlocks and saying she smells like a drug dealer or something. Howard said that you could argue that she could be mistaken for a rastafarian. Howard said he didn't get the feeling that she was a raging racist. Howard said when you're doing a show you say things to make it interesting. Howard said when you make jokes they may bomb and lay an egg. Howard said this woman made a joke and then she felt she had to apologize. Then Kelly Osbourne resigned from the show. Howard said she said she didn't want to work for racists. Kathy said she wasn't there for that. She said she was a little surprised by that. She said she is friends with Zendaya who Giuliana was commenting on.
Kathy said that working on that show wasn't her best work. She said she thinks they weren't able to make the transition to the comedic lane that she works in. Kathy said that's really not the work she does. She said Joan was great at it though. Howard said he sees Kathy as someone who can talk about people on the red carpet and talk about what they're like. Kathy said she got a call from Cher two nights ago and she was about to go into a show. She said Cher was asking what her statement was. She said she had to explain it to her and Cher wondered what more there was to it. She said there wasn't more to it.
Howard asked why she did leave the show. Kathy said that Joan turned the show into her own show and that's what she wanted to do. She said she wasn't able to do that. Kathy said that she was explaining all of this to Cher. She said that if you show up at an event then you're fair game. She said she didn't want to be forced to say anything that she didn't want to say. She said she felt that the team on the show wanted her to comment on women who she didn't feel like commenting on. Kathy said she wanted to talk more about things than just the star's looks. She said she wanted to get into more stuff than just clothes.
Howard asked Kathy about going to E! and she works for 7 shows and then leaves. Howard asked if she felt Kelly was quitting because of her. Kathy said Kelly has her own persona and she does her own thing. Howard asked how she resigned. Kathy said she had conversations with them from the start. Kathy said that she talked to them about the leaks there and about the Cindy Adams stuff. She said that she felt like a lot of people were leaking things that didn't matter. Kathy said all she wanted to do was make people laugh. Kathy said she told her contact over there about how she doesn't do this stuff and it just wasn't her style. Howard asked if she is afraid that the press is going to say that she got fired. Kathy said she wasn't fired and she doesn't think that will happen.
Howard said Piers Morgan was commenting on this too. Kathy said that she doesn't just call Oprah fat or antigen. She said she'll talk about things that these stars do. Howard said it's a nuance. Kathy said there is context to that too. She said the other people on the crew aren't comics either. She said that's what she does for a living. She said she felt like the other panelists wanted to be funny and they are but they had writers. She said that when she would watch it with Joan they were supporting her humor.
Howard said Kathy wrote all of her friends and asked them to support her. Kathy said that's online now. She said she got a call from Judd Apatow who called for another reason. She said that he called to say that he was binge listening to all of her albums. Howard said that's a nice thing. Kathy said that she thought Howard was going to bash her for that. Howard said it's a nice thing. Kathy said Judd was very nice to her about that. She said she picked his brain about the Fashion Police thing. She said she asked for Lena Dunham's contact information so she could talk to her. Kathy said she asked Lena to help her write a statement and she helped tremendously. Kathy said she reached out to some friends and asked them to help her out too. Howard asked what kind of support she is looking for. Kathy said there isn't a lot of support for female comics out there. Howard said that she's looking for the spin before E! can get it. Howard said he understands that. Howard said he tries to do that before the company can say you're a disaster.
Howard asked if E! was angry with her. Kathy said she doesn't know if they're upset. She said the show wasn't getting huge ratings. She said that Francis was very nice to her when she said she wanted to leave. She said it just wasn't her thing.
Howard asked who is on her list of people helping her. Kathy said there's a whole list there. Howard found the list that Gary gave him. He ran down a long list of famous people who were backing her up. Howard asked if anyone turned her down and said they didn't want to support her. Kathy said no but Cher did call her asking for clarification about the whole thing.
Howard said the whole thing sounds odd to him. He said he's not sure he has gotten to the bottom of this. Kathy said that the whole leaking thing is what bothers her. Howard said if someone did that to him he would be upset. Kathy said you can't have that going on. Howard said they have a lot of things going on there and there is a gag order there. Howard said they want it to be fresh there. Howard said that if there was someone leaking stuff then he'd throw them the fuck out. Robin asked if Kathy thinks it's some faction at the show that didn't want her there. Kathy said it could be. She said she did one interview with the Chicago Sun Times and then the Giuliana thing came out. She said she was asked a few more questions about that and then the producers were asking her about that and that was the last straw. Kathy said she just said that some dude wrote it for her and she wouldn't have said it herself. She wouldn't have said that herself. Kathy said that was the truth.
Howard said Kelly Osbourne tweeted that she was very proud of her. Howard asked if she thinks that she has turned a bridge there. Kathy said she probably has for all of NBC Universal. She said she took a stand and that's why she reached out for support. Howard said that he has notice that when you do take on corporate entities they will bad mouth you. He said he understands why she's going around trying to get her words heard. Kathy said she has worked at NBC for many years.
Howard asked Kathy about how her relationship with Brooke Shields is. Kathy said Brooke hates her. Howard said maybe she's scared to be herself in front of her. Howard said maybe she's afraid of being put in her act. Howard said he would have her to his house but he doesn't want her talking about him in her act. Howard said he can't have that. Kathy said if he says ''cone of silence'' then she won't talk about it. Howard said that he wants to keep his private life private. Kathy said that he should try her just once. Kathy said she knows that Howard had a party for Chelsea Handler and Whitney Cummings. Howard said he should have had her over for that. Howard said he does love Kathy.
Gary said he can help her out with this. Gary said he knows how Howard likes to be treated. Gary said Howard wants everything to be in the cone of silence. He doesn't want to be reminded that he has to tell her that. Howard said having her to the house is like inviting a reporter to the house. Kathy said that the fans want to know what's going on. Howard said he wants it private though. Howard said that he had a reporter there once and he asked him not to write it up but he did it anyway.
Howard asked what happens at Cher's house. Kathy said that she's not a very good example because she's very revealing. Kathy told Howard she loved the Madonna interview. She said she liked that Madonna used to think he was mean but not anymore.
Howard said he saw Kathy on Fashion Police but he did see a little bit of it with her on it and it was good. He said he thought that she fit right in. Howard said they maybe needed to give it more time. Howard said maybe they just needed to let that show go and start another one. Kathy said she has never quit a job in her life. She said that she was nervous about it. Howard said that there were a lot of eyeballs on it. Robin asked if she spoke to Melissa about it. Kathy said she did. She said that they had a very successful run with her mother on it. Howard said there are rumors that Melissa may take the show over. Kathy said that would be great.
Howard asked about James Corden who is replacing Craig Ferguson. Howard said Kathy wanted to be the host of that show. Kathy said she suggested to an agent at the time asking if they would consider a woman. She said that Joan was the last female to have a network show in late night. Kathy said she was told they wouldn't consider women and when she went public she was bashed for it. Howard said Kathy is getting more and more famous and she's getting heat for it. Howard said she gives a shit more now. Kathy said the younger girls are in a different game. She said that it's a different landscape now. Howard said she's not in the same world she was in 20 years ago.
Howard said Kathy has made a lot of money but she loves working and she wants to keep going. Kathy said she will always have touring no matter what. Howard said Kathy signed with the William Morris agency last year. Howard said she went to CAA for a few months. Howard asked what is going on with all of this confusion. Kathy said she likes to keep the same people around. She said sometimes it just doesn't work out. She said that CAA and William Morris are both great. She said she didn't do the papers with CAA. Howard asked what happened there. Kathy said nothing happened. She said that they're all removable heads. Kathy asked who Howard is with. Howard said he's been with Don Buchwald forever. Howard said it's a good collaboration. Howard said he thinks that agents aren't supposed to get you work. He said they are the ones who negotiate deals. Kathy said he's right. She said she is the one who goes out and gets the work.
Howard asked Kathy what she would do if she ran into Cindy Adams. Kathy said she has had dinner with her before. She said she's not sure where that story came from.
Howard asked Kathy about a photo he saw of her and asked if her ass was photoshopped. Kathy said that it was touched up a tiny bit. Howard said Chelsea Handler has been showing her tits a lot lately. Howard said he wants to get Robin into that. Gary said there are some of Kathy out there. He said some of them seem to be pictures of her head on other bodies though. Kathy said she wants to be in Beaver Hunt in Hustler. Howard said he doesn't know what that is. Kathy said that he has a look on his face like he doesn't know what it is. Howard said he swears he doesn't know what that is. Kathy said it's where girls send in pictures of their vaginas and they may not look that great. Kathy said that she likes to joke that she wants to enter Beaver Hunt. Howard asked how her's looks. She said she has looked at it and she thinks it looks fine. She said she doesn't have it fully shaved though. Kathy said she thinks it looks like a 12 year old boy when it's shaved. Howard said hair is horrible. Kathy asked if he ever shaves his taint. Howard said that guys who do that are having anal. Howard said he doesn't need to do that. Kathy asked if he would ever wax. Howard said woemn don't like that look. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Howard asked what happened with the daytime Emmys. Kathy said they lost their shine. She said that it was online. She said it was fun for her though.
Howard asked if she's still dating the 36 year old. Kathy said she is. She said her friends still make fun of her for that. Howard said the guy must want to bang all the time. Kathy said that she gets sore sometimes. She said she has to hit the lube. Howard asked if he sees her using the lube. Kathy said he'll bring the lube. She said that it happens faster if he brings it. Howard asked if she's dry down there. She said she's not but she likes to bang this guy a lot. She said he's ready to go whenever she is.
Kathy asked Howard how long it takes him to get hard. Howard said not long at all. Howard said they were laying in bed last night and the TV wasn't working. He said she put her head on his chest and he got hard. Howard said he doesn't cum as much as he used to. Howard said he beat off the other day and then he tried it again later and he lost interest. Howard said he doesn't make it past foreplay in the porn online. Howard said he finishes quickly.
Howard said he and Beth go right for it when they have sex. Howard said Beth doesn't go for the foreplay. Howard said they're a very hot couple. Howard said they should get Beth in there.
Howard said that Kathy has quit Fashion Police. Howard asked if she feels Giuliana is a racist. Kathy said she wouldn't have said that joke but she doesn't think that she's a raving racist or a racist at all. She said she never saw her wearing a grand wizard costume or anything like that. Kathy said that it's all about context with the N-word. Howard said Robin uses it a lot. Howard said you should hear the names she calls him. Robin said she never does that.
Howard asked where Kathy's boyfriend is. Howard said he wants to ask if the lube slows him down at all. The guys brought the boyfriend in. Howard asked if he's interested in marriage. The boyfriend, Randy, said he thinks that Kathy would say no if he asked her. Howard had him ask. Randy got on his knee and asked and she said no. Howard asked if Randy ever lubes her two times in one night. Randy said sure. Howard asked if he ever wonders why she can't just get wet on her own. Howard asked if she ever thinks she's not hot for him. Randy said she's hot for him. Howard said he is a real man. Howard asked if he can bang her 3 times in a row. Randy said 3 is a stretch. He said twice is no problem.
Kathy asked if Howard would have Randy to his house. Howard said he'd have him over anytime. Kathy said they've known each other for like 20 years. Howard said he would have him over.
Howard asked if Kathy bangs Randy when she's on her period. She said she does and she'll put a towel down. Howard said no lube is needed then. She said that they will do both. Howard asked if Randy has ever used the tube of lube to bang her. Kathy said his cock is plenty.
Kathy said that Howard's birthday show was so great. Howard said it was a lot of fun. Kathy said they're still talking about it. Randy said he loved the Letterman interview. Howard said that Letterman is retiring. Kathy said she was banned from his show for 10 years. She said that they thought she was too vulgar on the show. Kathy said she was banned from the Kelly and Michael show. She said she thinks that Gellman banned her because of a question she asked about him being Regis' bitch.
Howard asked if her blow job skills are better now. Kathy said that she's still not that great but she's getting better. Randy said she is getting better. Howard asked if he tells her that it's not his thing. Randy said she's great. Howard said Cher must know how to give one. He told her to ask her advice. Howard said maybe she can do it on Randy. Howard asked if she ever swallows his load. Kathy said she doesn't like the taste. Kathy said she has a crush on Fred too. She said that they often joke that Fred is her hall pass. Howard said that's the freakiest thing he's ever heard. Kathy told Fred to call her. Howard asked if Randy uses a condom with her. Kathy said they do. Howard said that's interesting.
Howard gave Kathy a plug for her web site KathyGriffin.net and said you can find her stand up dates there and more. Howard said it's too bad that she can't work for any of the NBC Universal channels anymore. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said Kathy wanted to get the word out that she wasn't fired and she left on her own. Howard said he also wanted to remind people that he sent Jon Leiberman to Big Foot's house and he came back with a 5 part documentary that will blow the lid off the whole thing. Howard said all this week they'll be airing that. Howard said the special is called Big Foot Embedded. Howard said that they'll be talking about drug use and prostitution. Howard said that he told Jon that he is the Dan Rather of dopes. Howard said he has a few highlights from the special. Howard played a clip of Jon at Big Foot's house and finding out that Big Foot has a lot of gas after he eats. He farts and burps like crazy after a meal.
Howard said he has a clip of Big Foot talking about banging a prostitute at a store he hangs out at. Big Foot explained how he took the prostitute somewhere and licking her cunt and making ''massive love'' to her. Howard said he knows enough to say that the best sex he's had is with Danielle. Howard said he should be the new host of Fashion Police. Howard said he'd watch that.
Howard said in a lighter moment he has a clip of Danielle talking about being woken up by Big Foot's farts. She said that he has scared the shit out of her with that. Howard asked Robin if she would sleep with Big Foot or Danielle if she was being forced to pick one. Robin went with Danielle. Howard said he wasn't sure how she was going to go with that. Howard said he thinks he'd have to leave the planet. Robin said he can't. Howard said at least Danielle looks like a girl. Robin said she still has a penis though.
Howard said the Big Foot Embedded special will air after the Wrap Up Show each day on Howard 100 and 101. Howard played a clip of Big Foot talking to clips of himself when he was up there at Sirius once. Sal and Richard put him on the phone with clips of himself. Howard wondered how he doesn't know he's talking to himself. Howard said that this could have gone on for hours. He said he only had another 30 seconds though.
Howard said that Richard's dad left a Voicemail about their dog dying. Howard played that clip next. Richard's dad said it was their three legged coon dog that died. He said it must have been about 17 years old. His name was Scar. Howard said Richard's dad sounded more upset about the closing of Taco Tico than he did about Scar.
Howard said he has to save the other calls. He said they can't do something so crazy by playing back to back phony phone calls. Howard told Robin what he had left and asked what she wanted to hear. Robin said she wanted to hear 50 Shades of Ronnie. Howard said he's going to take a break and play that after the break.
Mariann said that Madonna was great on the show. She also said that there would be no Sirius without Howard. Howard let her go after that.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who said Judd Apatow is owed an apology for saying that AGT sucks. He had other questions but Howard got annoyed with him and asked what happened to him. He said he used to be a good caller. They played him off with his theme song.
Howard took a call from a guy who hung up as soon as Howard picked up. Howard said that didn't go well. Howard said he wanted to pop through the calls but that wasn't going well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he said he cared about what Madonna was saying on the show and maybe if she had been on the show for the past 15 years she'd still be relevant. Howard said he thinks she is still relevant. The caller said he thinks that the interview was great. Howard said he thinks she just wanted to do something different. Howard said she decided to come in. Howard said the new album is very relevant. Howard said maybe that's just him.
Howard played the 50 Shades of Ronnie bit he was talking about. It was a 50 Shades of Grey commercial parody. Howard said Ronnie became a sex expert somehow. Howard said he met the guy like 30 years ago and he was a limo driver and kind of shlubby. He said that he became a sex expert after going to Scores with him. He said he got in tight with Lonnie from Scores and he was given the keys to the kingdom or the harem. Howard said that he used to go to the strip club with him and then started going by himself. He said the girls got friendly with Ronnie and Ronnie thought he was a stud. Howard said now he has these tips for people. Howard played one of those strip club tips that Ronnie had for what color clothes to wear to a club. Ronnie said wear black so you hide stains you might make in your pants.
Robin said the worst thing to happen was Ronnie starting to talk. Howard said he has gotten cocky. Robin said this is the stuff that's going on in his head that they don't need to know about. Howard mentioned a term that Ronnie used in that clip where he called the stain in his pants a quarter dollar. Howard said they say that people can't change but Ronnie has become a wild man. Howard said he's like an expert. Howard played another tip where Ronnie talked about how to say you don't want a dance from a fat, ugly stripper. He said you just say you're having your first drink and ask her to come back later. He said don't insult her but let her know you're not interested at the time. Howard and Robin were doing their impressions of Ronnie talking about that.
Howard said he has too much confidence. Howard said he's also talking about being at a strip club that anyone can go to.
Howard said that he has another tip about how to hide your boner. He suggested that you stick it right up their ass when they sit on your for a dance. Robin said that might not be one to follow. Howard said that might be rape.
Howard played another tip where Ronnie explains what to do if you get a smell from a stripper's ass. He said you tell the manager. Howard said maybe it's a smelly vagina. Howard said that Ronnie is going to report her. Howard and the guys did their Ronnie voices and had him reporting the girl for smelling bad. Howard said no one would do that to a stripper.
Howard played another strip club tip from Ronnie where he tells people how to prolong your lap dance. In that one Ronnie suggests having a girl sit on your lap and when they have their back facing you then you give them a massage. He said she'll sit there right on your cock and it'll be great. Howard asked how old he is. Howard said that way you can't see when they cry. Howard said Lonnie tells the girls that he's important and he gets away with rubbing their shoulders. Robin said she thought that you were supposed to keep your hands to yourself. Howard said that Ronnie gets that because he might mention the club on the Howard Stern Show. He said that's what the manager is telling the girls. He tells them to just let him get away with that stuff because of the plugs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said every time the Ronnie things come up like this he laughs his ass off. He said he isn't anymore creepy than Mr. Skin. Howard said he's less creepy than Mr. Skin. The caller said Howard has to do this kind of thing every week.
Howard said he only has 2 more tips from Ronnie. Howard said the next one is how to take a stripper home. Ronnie said you have to put in the time and bring the girl a flower once in a while. Ronnie said she won't just walk out after 20 bucks. Howard had Fred play some music for him and gave his own tip. He said if you want a stripper to go home with you then you have to work for Howard Stern. Howard said Lonnie is hoping that Ronnie will show up so he can tell the girls to treat him right.
Howard said he has a tip for how to avoid getting glitter on your clothing. In that one Ronnie said you have to make sure they have a good bathroom attendant with a lint roller. He said the guy will get the glitter off. Howard said there it is. Ronnie's tips. Howard said that is the one place where they have bathroom attendants. Howard said you do need help sometimes. Howard said you stink from the strippers and you get glitter on you. Howard said he used to bring a change of clothes with him. He said Ronnie is Vladimir Poon Tang over there.
Howard played a song parody about Ronnie to the tune of Coldplay's Clocks song. They went to break after that.
Howard said they must be doing alright to donate. One of the guys said he's a venture capital guy and he is the one who donated. Howard said he doesn't have to work every day either. The guy is 42 and Howard figured he's a millionaire. The guy said he's not sure about that.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions and gave more tips to the guys. One of the guys asked if the Silver Dollar term was made up. Howard said he's not sure. He had Ronnie come in to ask him about that. Ronnie came in and claimed that he made that up. Howard asked if he swears he made it up. Ronnie swore that he made it up. Howard said he didn't think he could come up with that. Howard said it's pretty creative. Ronnie said if he hangs around Howard long enough he'll become creative. Howard said he doesn't want to burst any bubbles but whatever he gets away with in the strip clubs is because of him being on the show. Howard said you can't rub shoulders in a strip club. Ronnie said you can. Howard said a bouncer would break his fingers. Howard said he's treated a certain way because he works for the show. Fred was doing his Ronnie impression and giving more tips that had Ronnie laughing. Ronnie said that his tips were good.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made to a school where they use ''Beaver Bucks'' using clips of Ronnie talking about Beaver Bucks from a strip club.
Howard asked Ronnie what he's doing. Ronnie said he's cutting some sex tip clips for St. Patrick's Day. Howard said that he became a ladies man after going to all of those strip clubs. Ronnie said he's always been a ladies man. He said he was humping a girl at 9 years old. Howard asked if she was 9. Ronnie said they were both 9. He said they were making out and dry humping. Ronnie said his first real girlfriend was at 13. He said he didn't fuck her at 13 but at 14 he did. He said they were both the same age. Howard said he likes the story about getting the blow job from the old lady with no teeth. That led to a bit the guys put together using clips of Ronnie in an old lady porn clip.
Howard thanked the guys for their donation and let Ronnie got back to recording his sex tips. Howard said Ronnie is an endless wealth of information.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they heard anything from Madonna's people after the interview. Howard said he thinks that they were pleased with it. Howard said there was a tremendous amount of news coverage. Howard said they had stories about her not reporting her rape and the Tupac dating story too. Howard said they made news with that and he thinks that it was a home run. Howard said it was generally positive. The caller asked if Howard 100 News is around. Howard said Lisa G isn't there. He said they have down sized the department but they are still there. Howard said they are putting more resources into other areas.
Robin said that Pam Anderson won't be at Sam Simon's funeral. Howard said that it already happened. Howard said that she was at the funeral and she gave a speech. Howard said that report is wrong. Howard said that they devoted quite a bit of space to his obituary in the big papers. Howard said that Sam gave Pam an $800,000 ring. Howard said some people are upset about that. Howard said Sam was a grown man who made a lot of money. Howard said people get upset about that stuff. He said that everyone weighs in about that stuff. Howard said Sam had a friendship with Pam and he got comfort from it. Howard said he gave her that ring for whatever reason. Howard asked who is to question that. Robin said they can't do anything about it but they say that she shouldn't have accepted such a gift from someone she didn't know that long. Howard said Sam was a big boy and he knew what he was doing. Howard said he spoke to him many times right up until the end. Howard said he isn't sure what family is upset. He said he knows he has a sister but he didn't have any kids. Howard said he wonders what the truth is. Robin said they say that Anderson got Sam to give to some animal groups that weren't that well vetted. Robin said that giving her the ring pushed them over the edge. Howard said Sam was all there from what he could tell. He didn't speak to him in the last 2 months but he made it a point to call him every month or so.
Robin read a story about an Indian woman who walked out of her wedding when she gave her man a quiz. Robin said she asked what 15 plus 6 was and he got it wrong. Howard said he can answer that. He did the long math that he uses all the time. Howard figured it was 21. Robin said that the guy's reply was 17. Howard said the woman is right for walking away. Howard said that he gets email from people who don't know the difference between your and you're. He said that really bothers him. Robin said that the Bachelor kept saying some dopey things on that show. She said that he was saying ''You and I's'' a lot. Howard had Robin give him some more math questions. Howard did his long math and the venture capital guy got a laugh out of that. Howard said he thinks millions of Indian women just passed out when he got his math right.
Robin said the days of letting your kids outside to play alone are over. Howard said his mom used to leave him in a baby carriage outside alone. Robin said there is a story about 2 kids who were with their sibling in a stroller and this guy came by and stole the baby and ran off. Robin said it was caught on tape and the kids ran after the guy screaming. Robin said the guy was chased by some people and he ended up putting the baby down. Robin said they were able to find the guy who took the baby and he turned out to be a teenager himself. Robin said the kids saved their sibling by chasing the guy.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Ronnie didn't coin that term silver dollar. She said she found it on Urban Dictionary. Benjy said he looked and didn't find it. The caller said that she did find it. She said you just have to scroll down to find it. Howard said Ronnie heard it in a strip club. He said it's too sophisticated for him to come up with.
Robin said she learned a new term over the weekend. She said it's called Soaking. Robin said Mormons require that their people try to get around being a virgin. Robin said you're not supposed to have known your spouse in any way. Robin said they used to try to get away with oral sex but now this soaking is the new thing. Robin said it's where the man inserts his penis in the vagina but doesn't move. Howard said that's impossible. Howard said he has tried to do that. Howard said you just can't go in and not move. Howard played a song parody about Robin after that.
Howard said he forgot to play this clip last month during Black History Month. He said they found some guy out fishing in a river in the mid-west and asked how he celebrates Black History Month. The guy didn't have much to say and wasn't able to name any famous black people.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he pitched a show to Fran Shea, when they worked at E!, that he called Fashion Police. He said that Fran liked the idea and pitched it in a meeting. He said she pitched it in a big meeting. He said he might have a law suit there. Howard said he should contact a lawyer immediately. Ralph said he doesn't have one but he thinks he has a case. Howard told Ralph to go find Fran to back him up. Howard said they could pay him off by giving him an Iron Man mask or something.
Robin asked if Howard saw the Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man thing over the weekend. Howard said he did. Robin said this kid needed a prosthetic arm and this guy made one with a 3D printer and Robert gave it to the kid as Iron Man. Robin said that the arms used to cost thousands of dollars but this guy is able to print them out for like $300. Howard said they should make Jeff the Drunk an arm. Robin said he has an arm, it just doesn't move.
Robin said that Dr. Phil had Bobbi Kristina's boyfriend on his show. Howard said that show was so good. Howard said the guy is odd. Howard said he's not sure what to say but he has some clips to play. Robin said she heard it became an intervention. Howard said this kid was apparently raised by Whitney Houston but he has a mother. Howard played a clip of the guy crying on Dr. Phil's show. The guy said he has been sober other than doing Xanax and drinking. Howard said that guy doesn't sound very masculine. Howard said his voice is very odd. Howard said he was saying that he lost the most legendary singer ever. Then he was saying that he's making Dr. Phil more famous and laughing. Howard said Dr. Phil had to be licking his chops over that. Howard played a few clips where the boyfriend, Nick, was talking about what happened to Bobbi Kristina and how he knows he needs to go to rehab. Howard said you can tell Dr. Phil wants nothing to do with this guy. He just wants him for TV.
Robin read about a death with dignity bill that they're trying to get passed in Maryland. Robin said there's a guy who used to play football who is coming out against it. Robin said he suffers from ALS. Robin said he is saddened by the news. Robin had some audio of the guy's computer generated voice talking about assisted suicide. Robin said he's making the point that even in a dire diagnosis you can still contribute. Howard said they don't put you to sleep after one bad day. Howard said that it's for people who are ill and suffering. Robin said that you don't have to do it. She said that's her point to these people. Robin said you're not going to be put to death if you don't want to. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Bruce Jenner and how he's announced that he is putting his reality series on hold. Robin said TMZ claims that he thinks he should spend more time thinking about how the show might affect his children. Robin said that they say the series may happen but not in May like they were reporting. Howard played a bit they created as Bruce Jenner for Wheaties.
Robin said that the opening show of the Kardashians had Bruce dating Kris Jenner's best friend. Howard said that too. He said he heard he's going to become a woman and then become a lesbian.
Robin read a story about Chris Martin having a great time. Howard said he knows how to live. Howard said he's hanging out with Kate Hudson now. Howard said she's a sexy mama. Howard said he met her years ago. Howard said it was a party at Rick Rubin's house. Robin said they had her on the radio show after that. Howard forgot about that. Gary said he just saw her recently and she's stunningly beautiful. Howard said how about that Chris Martin getting it on with everyone. Howard did his Ronnie impression and talked about how he's getting silver dollars all over.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is so full of it about that Silver Dollar thing. He said he thinks he made it up in his head. Howard thanked him for the call.
Robin said that Elton Jon is going after Dolce and Gabbana after they said something about how people who are born in rented uteruses are ''synthetic kids''. Elton and his partner took great offense to that. Robin said that even heterosexual couples use that procedure so she's not sure why they would come out against it. Robin said Dolce and Gabbana backtracked after that. Robin said Elton is asking people to boycott them. He says he will never wear their stuff again. Howard said people from these companies should have no personality and not comment on anything. Howard said that's why he likes the Tommy John Underwear. He said they never say a word.
Robin read a story about Robert Durst and Howard talked about what he knew about him. Robin said he is from a very wealthy family and he was the oldest child. Robin said when they suspected him of killing this best friend he went on the lamb. Robin said he played a mute woman living in Texas. Robin said then he wound up killing his next door neighbor and dismembering him. Robin said they caught him and put him on trial. Robin said they did not make the case because of his very powerful lawyers. Robin said he was found not guilty. Robin said he was free to roam around again. Robin said all he had to do was stay home and be quiet but he decided to do a documentary series for a film maker. Robin said that he could have just sat at home. Robin said in the last episode he may have confessed to all of the murders. Robin said that they left his microphone on every time they took a break. Robin said they found new evidence in the case. Robin said the son of this woman who was killed found a letter from Robert Durst and he even spelled Beverly wrong in the same way. Robin said that they have arrested Durst again. Robin said he will be extradited to Los Angeles and they are going to reopen the trial. Robin said they're hoping he's found accountable for everything he has done. Robin said even his brother was afraid of him. Robin said his lawyer says that this HBO thing doesn't phase him at all. Robin had some audio of him talking about the case.
Robin read a story about 3 American aid workers who are returning to the country after they were exposed to Ebola. Robin said they will be monitored but none of them are sick yet.
Robin read a story about John Boehner calking for an investigation into Hillary Clinton's email situation. Robin said Hillary is claiming she only deleted her personal email. Robin said she deleted all of that stuff. Robin had some audio of Hillary talking about deleting that. Robin said she apparently had a lot of yoga email to delete. Howard played a clip of people on the street being asked what they think about all of that. They didn't seem to know what she did wrong.
Robin read a story about how John Kerry is upset with a congressman writing to the people of Iran about what the President wants to do with their nuclear program. Robin said that they were saying that this will not stand. Robin had some audio of Mitch McConnell talking about that as well.
Robin said she's not sure what the Catholic Church is up to. Robin said the pope has people second guessing what's going on. Robin said they are saying that the church supports the use of force against ISIS. Robin said she thought Jesus said ''turn the other cheek.'' Howard said that only works good on paper. Robin said she's not sure what to think anymore.
Robin said Chuck Schumer went to bat for pilots this weekend. Robin said he's opposed to laser pointers that people are using when planes are trying to land. Robin had audio of a pilot talking about getting hit with one of those pointers saying he got a headache after being hit by the beam.
Robin read a story about the Secret Service and how there have been some things going on with them. Robin also read about the box office this weekend and how Cinderella brought in $70 million this weekend. Robin said Liam Neeson's movie ''Run All Night'' came in at $11 million. Howard thanked Josh and Todd for sitting in today. They thanked Robin for beating cancer. Robin thanked them. Todd said he used to get in the car at 5am and it blew until Howard came on at 6. He thanked Howard for all he's done. Fred played him off with loud music like they do at the Oscars. Howard thanked them for coming in and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:05am.
Jon asked if he is creeped out by Ronnie. Jason said he is. Jon asked if he wouldn't want to sit next to him at a club. Jason said he wouldn't. He said Ronnie comes down and greets Howard's guests when they arrive. He said he escorts them to the green room. Jason said it's weird meeting Ronnie and remembering that he has jobs to do there. He said that he's always very quiet and serious. Then you hear him on the show and he says the creepiest things. He said that makes you wonder what's going on in that head of his. He said he's not sure he'd be keen on hanging out with him when he's Ronnie or Ronald.
Jon asked if it's odd meeting a guy like that knowing his creepy factor. Jason said it's that way with everyone on the show. He said they all talk on the air about their stuff and Ronnie in particular talks about creepy and weird stuff.
Jon said he would assume that Jason gets the same thing. He said he must be known as his characters in a movie or TV show. Jason said he doesn't take the time to explain it to people. He said if they don't get it then it's not worth explaining. Jason said he'll tell someone he's going to go fuck a pie now if that's what they think he does.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jason what was going through his head when he took a piss on Chelsea Handler. Jason said she likes to pee on people and she will do things like take a photo with someone and she'll hug a person and she'll start urinating on them right before the photo. He said it's a funny move with her. He said that he figured he'd return the favor and peed on her. He said she was a very active participant in that and she was down for the golden shower. Jon said Jenny was in there talking about that and he though that was going to get the invite to hang out with Howard. That didn't work out. Jason said that Chelsea did tell Howard to hang out with them but Howard said ''no thanks.'' Jason said they were so close. Jon had to take a break after that.
Jon said he thinks she's in a different place now. Jason said that for the most part the people out there are fans but then there are the haters and the media. He said that you tend to forget that stuff. He said it just takes one person or one publication to get to you.
Jon said he doesn't think Kathy is going to get that invitation to Howard's place. He said that he thinks that Howard is too afraid of hearing about that visit in her act or something. Jon said it didn't sound like Howard believed in the cone of silence thing. He said you don't know who is going to talk to who. He said it can end up spreading after one person talks. Jason said it's getting harder and harder to keep things private. He said Howard is such a private guy and he gets that.
Jon said Jon Leiberman knows that social media puts you out there. Leiberman said that people leak things to people like him. He said he thinks that Kathy could get an invite to Big Foot and Danielle's place. She could talk about what goes on up there.
Leiberman said he has this black eye from his son who accidentally kicked him. He said he didn't get that from Big Foot and Danielle. Leiberman said that Big Foot and Danielle have set their wedding date between June and September. He said they're not the best at planning. He said they're thinking about a date and a venue. Leiberman said that Big Foot got a great deal on the ring. He said he was short on cash and they happened to get a call from a friend of Danielle's who was in an abusive relationship and she gave the ring to them at a very cut rate price. Leiberman said that they have gotten an amazing deal on it and she has said yes. Jason said there is some good juju on that ring.
Leiberman said that they non stop flirt with other people. He said that he's glad he got out of there with Danielle not doing more to him that she does in this clip. He asked Jon to play the clip for him. Danielle was flirting with Leiberman talking about his dick, legs and more.
Jon asked what was going on there. Leiberman said that they are incapable of filtering themselves or lying. He said what you see is what you get. He said Danielle says whatever she thinks. She touches whatever she wants to touch. He said it was like hide and go seek up there. He said that he had to duck out once in a while up there.
Jon said they asked in a poll recently what the best interview on the show was and it was Big Foot and Danielle's interview that won. Jason said he's quite thrilled about that. He said that he is into it too. Jason said that he'd love to be invited to the wedding and he'd clear every weekend from June to September if he had a shot at getting invited.
Jon said that the Big Foot and Danielle embedded thing will air every day this week after the Wrap Up Show. Gary came in and asked if they are really a match. Leiberman said that they a really are. He said they have thoughts of a future together and to live together happily you do have to have things in common. He said they do appear to love each other.
Jon asked if the town is as loving as Leiberman is. Leiberman said he won't say they're outcasts but people do know to duck their heads. He said that they are pretty well known. Jon said that they are a bit conservative up there. He said Big Foot can't go to the Dunkin' Donuts because he stole sugar. He said Danielle can't go in there because she brought her dog in there once. Leiberman said they make their mark up there and they rub people the wrong way.
Leiberman said Big Foot is very kind and he is sort of like ambassador of sorts. He said Danielle has a more edgy side. Jon said you can catch Embedded all this week after Wrap Up. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Gary if he was upset that Robin forgot his birthday. Gary said not at all. He said that he'd be upset if she didn't forget. Gary said that he can never tell if Robin is getting his email or not. He said that he will email someone something and he doesn't hear back. Gary said if you give him your email address then you have made a deal to look at his email.
Jon said that Howard was right there for Robin when she was sick. He said that Howard asked her if she remembered Gary's birthday. He asked if he's one upping her. Jason said he doesn't think so. Gary said Howard got him a gift certificate to one of his favorite restaurants there in the city. He said he doesn't want to say what that is though. Gary said that he loves that. He said that he loves fine dining with his wife.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to get their thoughts on what will happen to SiriusXM if Howard leaves. Gary said he would like to think that they would take a hit. He said he's got such a huge ego that he'd like to think that. Jon said the thing is that Howard is the face of Sirius. He said he's the one talking about it the most and carrying the flag. Gary said a lot of people have tried to carry the flag but they haven't been able to do that like Howard has.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jason if he has passed on any roles that he regrets. Jason said that he has auditioned for some parts that he didn't get that became big things. He said he met with Sam Raimi for Spider-Man and he didn't think he ever had a chance. He said that he had a great meeting though. He said they had scotch together. He said it was a great meeting and he went in and read for the movie but he didn't get it. He said he's auditioned for a lot of stuff that he hasn't gotten. He said he hasn't really passed on anything. He said that he takes pretty much anything he's offered. Gary said he's in a franchise though so that's what an actor's dream is. Jason said he will keep going back to that well as long as he can. Jason said he will always be known as that guy so he might as well keep getting cash money from it. He said if they keep doing them with good ideas he's in.
Jon asked Jason if he's going to be the guy who would bring out the Baba Booey at an awards show. Jason said he would and he thinks he's a million percent there. He said it may never happen but if it does he will do that. Gary asked if he would ever do it as a presenter. Jason said that would be funny.
Gary said Bob Denver wore that Gilligan outfit until the day he died. He said that Fred Gwynne(Herman Munster) never did that though. He wanted nothing to do with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't think Ronnie coined that term silver dollar. Jon asked Jon Leiberman what the results of the poll were. Leiberman said that 85 percent of the votes say no, Ronnie did not coin that term.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and gave Jason some plugs for The Heidi Chronicles which he's starring in on Broadway. They ended the show around 11:50am.
Howard started the show talking about how Jesse Ventura is going to call in today. He said he can set the record straight on everything. Howard said he'll be talking about Chris Kyle and all of that. Howard said that he has to figure out if he's running with him in 2016. Howard said he doesn't think he wants to run. Howard said he did some polling on his own and found out that people aren't looking for a Ventura Stern campaign. Howard played a clip of Richard and Sal interviewing some people on the street about that. Most of the people were saying that they think it would be a joke if they ran. Howard said he's going to break the news to Jesse about that. He said he thought people would be begging them to run.
Howard said the big news last night was that Rumor Willis is a great dancer. He said she's on Dancing with the Stars. Robin said she saw that in the news. Howard said she did very well. Howard said everyone is talking and thinking about it. Robin said she hasn't seen the show yet but she did record it. Howard said Rumor went last and they stayed up just to see her. Howard said they wanted to see what was doing. Robin said they're suckers for all of that. Howard said Beth had fallen asleep so he had to rewind it for her to see.
Howard said that people were threatened when they announced the Ventura Stern ticket. He said they were using Dancing with the Stars against him. Howard played a commercial parody where they were calling him gay in an attack ad.
Howard took a call from a guy who kept saying hello to him. Howard kept going too. The guy said he's trying to get Daniel Carver's phone number. Robin said she wishes they could help him. The guy said he wanted Carver to come speak at his church. Howard asked if he's in the Klan. The caller said no but he said his preacher is in the hospital and he thinks Carver could replace him. He said that his preacher had a rattlesnake that bit him in the face. He said he fell down and hit the floor like a sack of rocks. Howard said that they've lost touch with Daniel because he moved into the mountains. Howard let the guy go a short time later. Robin said he sounded like the guy from Sling Blade.
Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard talking to people on the street about the St. Patrick's Day Parade. That was from last year's parade. Howard said that they'll have more from this year's parade. Howard said he's going to hide at home while that's going on. Robin said they're going to let one openly gay group march in the parade this year.
Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard talking to some drunk people at the parade last year. They were singing and being very rowdy. Robin said the people who march in the parade should turn the cameras to the sideline. Howard said he'd rather hear that on the morning shows that are covering it.
Howard played a Ronnie St. Patrick's Day tip. Ronnie talked about cooking corned beef and having your girl stand over it and rubbing her until she cums in the mix. But don't leave her there too long because you might burn her cunt. Howard said that's disgusting. Fred said it was awful. Howard said Ronnie has dirty thoughts like a 12 year old. Robin said he is a dirty old man. She said that's what you'd see in the dictionary if you looked up dirty old man. Howard said even if he's fooling around that's a weird sentence. Howard said no one helps him with those tips. He said he just wings it. Robin said just imagine squirting into some food. Howard said that's a good one.
Howard said he has two more. Howard said that he can't believe he uses that word ''cunt'' at that age. Howard said he has that love voice too. Howard said they were playing a game with Ronnie where they have him explaining movies and they have to try to guess what they are. Howard said all he knows are the sex scenes and that's all he talks about. Howard asked where that movie game is. He found it and played a clip of Ronnie talking about a movie where a guy goes swimming and fucks a woman. Howard guessed it was The Graduate. He was right. Then he played one where Ronnie said that it's about a guy who shoots a guy and goes to Italy. It was The Godfather. Howard said he's speaking fluent Ronnie so far. Howard played another one where a chick fingers herself in a police station. That was Basic Instinct. Howard played another clip where Ronnie says it's about a guy who breaks out of jail and goes to fuck some pussy. Howard asked if anyone knew. Gary said he thought it was 48 Hours. Ronnie says it's Shawshank Redemption. Then he has one where Ronnie says that a guy is going to pay for a whore but then he doesn't. That was Pretty Woman.
Howard played another one where he says that it's about a guy who plays ping pong and then a guy fucks and gets AIDS. Robin said it's Forrest Gump. She was right. Howard said that this is a horrible thing. He said Ronnie is a grandfather. He wondered what they call him. Robin said they call him creepy. Howard played another one where Ronnie said it's about a guy with a hat who goes on an adventure in a submarine and then he fucks a girl. That was ''Raiders of the Lost Ark.'' Robin didn't remember a submarine. Howard asked what he's talking about.
Ronnie came in laughing. Howard said it seems like all he thinks about is pussy. Ronnie said ''What are you gonna do man?'' Howard said there's no submarine in Raiders. Ronnie said he can't wait to see Cinderella. Ronnie said there's an old broken down submarine in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Gary told Howard that Ronnie had trouble saying ''Instinct'' and they have some audio of that. Howard played that and Ronnie was having some trouble with it.
Howard said Jason Biggs was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday talking about how creepy Ronnie is. He played a clip of Jason talking about that.
Howard said it's fun for the guests to try to imagine Ronnie. Ronnie said that Jason's wife did the Wrap Up Show and she loves him. He said she loves his tips. Howard asked if he ever says 'cunt' to her. Ronnie said no. Howard asked if he really thinks that standing over a pot of boiling water is sexy. Ronnie said he does.
Howard asked if he should play the Ronnie movie game or the other stuff. Robin said she likes the movie game. Howard played another one where Ronnie describes a movie saying that he it's about a couple of guys in a crazy car and one guy bangs his mom. That was Back to the Future. Howard said it's weird things he remembers.
Howard played another one where Ronnie said that the movie is about a guy who falls asleep in a machine to get some blue pussy. Robin knew what it was. Howard asked if he has thoughts like that all day. Ronnie said pretty much. Howard said they need to follow him around and get every dirty thought he has. Howard said he wants him to do that for a day. The movie was Avatar.
Howard played another one where Ronnie described the movie talking about the sex scene. It was Dancing with Wolves. Then he talked about a movie where the guy in the movie saves a retard and fucks his sister. That was Something About Mary. Howard did his impression of Ronnie and explained some movies in his style.
Gary told Howard that Ronnie wheezes a lot while he's doing those things. Howard played some of those but Ronnie said he was laughing, not wheezing. Fred played some pig squealing while Howard played the wheezing.
Howard said they like the Ronnie movie game. Robin said they do have to do more of that. Howard did more of his own Ronnie movie descriptions for Robin.
Howard got back to the Ronnie's Sex Tips for St. Patrick's Day. Howard played one where Ronnie said everyone likes a Guinness and what you do is shake it up really good and then pop the top in her pussy and drink it out of there. He said he calls that a ''twat shot.'' Howard said he's so gross. Fred did his impression of Ronnie and came up with more creepy stuff for his sex tips.
Howard played another sex tip where Ronnie talks about Corned Beef and Cabbage again. This time he says take it and put butter on the cabbage and stick it in her ass. Then you take the corned beef and stick it in her pussy and let it hang out. Then you start eating it out of her ass and then out of her pussy. He said the taint is a perfect mixture of the two.
Howard said that's sweet. He said he's fucking nuts. Howard said it's really disturbing. Robin said they should just go on.
Howard said he has a clip of a news anchor saying ''cunt'' accidentally. Howard played that clip and the guy was trying to say ''job cuts'' and said ''job cunts'' instead. Howard said he's not sure who he did that. Howard said he has another one from the BBC where someone said ''Rose cunted'' instead of ''rose tinted'' glasses. Howard said he gets how he got that wrong. He said he was trying to say rose colored or rose tinted and mixed them together.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a radio show where they were talking about the St. Patrick's Day parade. In the call Sal and Richard kept asking for the address of the parade and the hosts kept hanging up on them. They went to break after that.
Howard read more of the article and said that this was at David Arquette's club that he mentioned recently on the show. Howard read that David was there and he was allegedly talking about Bieber behind his back. Howard said he thought that he was all about love. Howard said Bieber heard what he was saying and they kicked David out of his suite. Then David got back in and rushed at Bieber. Howard said they kicked David out for good. Howard said that his reps said that they weren't able to reach him. Howard said they can reach him.
Howard read more of the article from Page Six and said he has to get the story from the horse's mouth. Howard said they'll go with any horse they can get a hold of.
Howard said they have to get David later on. Gary said they just texted him. Howard said it's like 5 in the morning there so he should be up. Howard said he never understood staying up all night. Howard said he likes sleeping and then getting up and having a full day. Robin said she's heard about these people but she's never seen them. Howard said it seems kind of childish to stay up like that. Howard said he used to go to the clubs when he was single and he'd go out at 8 and people would say nothing good happens until 2am. Howard said he didn't want to stay up like that. Howard said he would go out at 8 and there would be one woman in the club. He said one time the woman was doing her homework. He said she was a graduate student.
Howard said he went out once and this girl came up and she was a model. He said she was really hot. Howard said it was like going fishing. Howard said she walked away but then she came back. Howard said then she said ''Lets get out of here.'' Howard said he went out but then she ended up using the N-word. Howard said he was standing there with her and then she uses the N-word. Howard said this nice bouncer guy was helping but she was yelling at him and said ''Fuck you nig*er!'' Howard said that he thought he was with her and he didn't even know her. Howard said he started backing back. He said he wanted to go home. He said he got into his car to go home and she jumped in. Howard said he asked her what that was. She said ''What?'' like she didn't know. Howard said he wanted to drop her off because he didn't want to be with her. He said he dropped her in Hell's Kitchen somewhere. He said he never went out to a club again after that. Howard said he has no idea where Hell's Kitchen even is. Robin said they're in Midtown right now. She said Hell's Kitchen is around 9th Ave in the 40s. She said it's west of where they're at. Howard said he's not even sure where ''west'' is.
Howard said this girl was so hot and he wondered if she should bang a racist model or not. He said it's the first time his penis did the right thing. He said he didn't do it. He said that woman was insane. He said his dick didn't win the argument. Howard said he may not have gotten out of that apartment live if he had gone.
Robin said this show Empire is really good and she thinks Howard would like it. Robin said that Terrence Howard is the star of the show and he wants them to start writing in the N-word into the script. She said that it's on FOX TV so she's not sure if they'll get that done. Howard said all he knows is that his dick was debating with him at the club that night. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has Jesse Ventura on the phone. Howard said he's not sure if they're running for President or not. Howard said he doesn't think they are. Howard had Jesse on the line and Jesse said he's down there in the 85 degree weather in Mexico. Howard said that's the way to live. Howard wondered why he lives in the cold. Robin said she tells him he shouldn't. Howard asked if he surfs at all. Jesse said he body surfs but not regular surfing.
Howard said that Jesse was in Predator with Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said what are the odds of the two of them becoming a governor. Jesse said that Arnold is always following in his footsteps. Howard asked if they stay in touch. Jesse said he hasn't spoken to him in a long time. He said he stopped flying himself and he doesn't go back to L.A. He said he drives everywhere. He said his chances of going to L.A. are slim to none. He said he went into visit Arnold and he missed him when he got to his office. He said he was done being governor himself but he went to visit.
Howard said he heard on the movie Predator that the monster in the movie was played by a guy in a suit. Howard said he heard it was Jean Claude Van Damme and then they found that he was too short to play against Arnold and Jesse. He said they fired him and brought in a new guy. Howard asked if that is true. Jesse said it is true but that may not be the reason for it. He said Jean Claude was hired for it and they didn't know what the Predator was going to look like. Howard asked why he was fired. Jesse said he thinks he complained a lot. He said he thinks he thought he was going to be giving them Karate chops and didn't know that he would be in costume. He said he wasn't happy with that. Jesse said that Joel Silver got fired from the movie too. He said they brought in a 7 foot tall guy to play the character. He said he died from AIDS years later. He said he played Harry in Harry and the Hendersons too. Howard said Jean Claude should have done the movie.
Howard asked Jesse why his movie career didn't take off. Jesse said he thinks it's because he wouldn't move there. He said Arnold once asked him when he was going to move there to be one of the boys. Jesse said he had kids at the time and he asked what the schools were like. He said Arnold told him to put the kids in private school. Jesse said he doesn't want to raise his kids in an area like that. He said he raised them in Minneapolis and St. Paul instead. He said that's the place to raise them. He said it's better than living in an area where you have to send them to private school.
Howard said he thinks he's right. He said you don't want to put your kids in that position. He said you don't want them to grow up to be elitist either. Jesse said that the public schools in L.A. were just that bad.
Howard asked Jesse if he's running for president. Jesse said he doesn't know yet. He said they won't know until June of 2016. He said that if you want to run under the Libertarian thing they can do that. Howard said he's going to bow out. Howard said he did some polling and didn't find one person who would vote for them. Jesse said he disagrees. Howard said he knows it would take a lot of time to run. He said he'd rather do AGT instead. Jesse said he'd like to appeal to the fans and told them to let Howard know he should do it.
Howard asked Jesse about suing the Kyle family over what Chris Kyle wrote about him in his book. Howard asked if that has damaged his campaign. Jesse said Chris Kyle is not a hero. He said a hero must have honor and Chris Kyle is a liar so he has no honor. He said he's not a hero just because he killed 160 people. He said he was just doing his job. Howard said Jesse was a Navy SEAL and you have to admire someone who gave their service. Robin asked if he lied so much. Jesse said he lied about him and he thinks he was a sociopath. He said that he had no conscience about his lying.
Howard said it was a weird occurrence because Kyle claimed he beat someone up in a bar and knocked them out. He later said it was Jesse Ventura that he knocked out. Jesse claims that he never did that and he was lying about it. Howard said that hurts Jesse. Howard said that's why he sued. Jesse said that he couldn't let him get away with that. He said he made the thing up. He said they produced it all in court. He said his book only sold 5,000 copies and then he revealed that he punched him out and he sold 100,000 copies that day after going on Bill O'Reilly and Opie and Anthony's show. He said that they got him for 5 hours of deposition before he died. Howard said this movie is the biggest movie of the year. Howard asked if he saw it. Jesse said he didn't see it. He said he heard about it but it didn't follow the book at all. He said Chris hated the Muslims but in the movie they had him going back and forth on war.
Howard said he considers the guy a hero. Howard said he killed the enemy. He said that it's the same as going to kill Nazis in World War II. Jesse said that you don't call a Nazi who was killing people a hero. Howard said he was fighting for this country though. Jesse said that just because you kill 150 people means that you're a good shot. He said it doesn't mean you're a hero. Howard said Jesse is a hero. Jesse said he was just doing his job. Howard said he wanted to serve his country and that is heroic. Jesse laughed. Howard said he's a hero. Jesse said he's not a hero. Howard said he's trying to help his campaign. Jesse said he's not running if Howard doesn't run.
Howard played the attack ad that they played earlier. He wanted Jesse to hear it. Jesse said that he's seen bumper stickers that say 'Ventura Stern. We can't do any worse.''
Howard gave Jesse a plug for his TV show ''Off the Grid'' which airs on Aura.tv. Howard asked him about some of the conspiracy theories he has. Howard asked Jesse about some story and he was telling Howard that the YMCA is a cover for the CIA. Howard said he likes to hear that. Howard said that's comforting. Howard asked why he's wrong about that. Howard said he likes that.
Howard asked where Jesse stands on the guys in Congress sending a letter to Iran. Jesse said that was horrible. He said that is the President's job. He said they were undermining him. He said they went to the enemy and that's borderline treason to him. Howard agreed.
Howard asked about Hillary Clinton's email. Jesse said he doesn't care about that. He said that they still have Gunatanamo and things like that going on. He said that he wants to know about torture and things like that. Jesse said there are way more high priority things going on.
Howard asked what he thinks about the Brian Williams firing. Jesse said that's up to NBC. Jesse said that Bill O'Reilly did the same thing. He said it's up to the company and the people who watch to decide on that.
Howard asked what Jesse thinks about Stevie Wonder and how he might be able to see. Jesse said he has no idea. He said he assumes he's blind.
Howard asked Jesse about Muhammad Ali and if he thinks he has Parkinson's or is that fake. Jesse said he knows it's real.
Howard said there's a story that says Kim Kardashian has a tail and that's what makes her ass look so big. Jesse said he would say that's false even though he doesn't watch that show.
Howard asked about a few more rumors that are out there about Bruce Jenner using his balls and penis to make jewelry. Howard ran down a bunch of stories and had Jesse commenting on them.
Howard said that Jesse believes that oil companies killed the electric car. Jesse said he thinks that is true. He said that oil companies kill a lot of things. He said they want to keep us using these things that are outdated now.
Howard said Jesse thinks that he might be assassinated if he ran for president. Jesse said that could happen. He said that it's not just the lone nuts out there who are killing our presidents.
Howard said Jesse got $1.8 million from the Chris Kyle lawsuit. Jesse said he hasn't seen any money from that yet. He said that they won't even put up a bond. He said it cost him close to $750,000 or more to sue them. He said they were covered by insurance so it didn't cost them a cent. Jesse said that FOX News and Harper Collins are both owned by FOX and that's why they rail against him. He said they have a major conflict of interest in that. Howard said they have comedown pretty hard on him about that. Jesse said that today the moral compass is flipped upside down. He said being a truther is a bad thing these days. He said that they put whistle blowers in jail and make heroes out of liars.
Howard asked if Jesse thinks Putin killed that guy over in Russia. Jesse said he really doesn't know and he thinks we have enough problems there to worry about. Howard asked what he thinks about Alex Jones saying that fish are turning gay because of chemicals they're dumping in the water. Jesse said he has to take his word for that.
Howard said he thinks Jesse held up very well in this grilling. Howard said what Jesse really wants you to do is watch Aura.tv. Jesse said he can't get a job in America anymore. He said that his TV show was supposed to air but they killed it right after the Chris Kyle suit came up. He said that he got the deal with the Aura.tv thing because it's owned by a guy in Mexico. Jesse said if he hadn't sued they were going to portray him in the movie. He said they were going to do it but they sent them a letter saying that they'd sue if they did.
Howard said he finds the whole thing kind of sad. He said he wishes Kyle hadn't made up a story about him. Jesse said he can't go to a SEAL reunion anymore. He said they got egg on their face too. He said they signed a petition to get him kicked out. He said that he can't go to the reunion because he's not sure how he will be treated. He said that there were some guys who came and testified on his behalf.
Howard asked if he could have taken Kyle in a fight. Jesse said he was 55 years old at the time. He said that he's been on blood thinner for years and he would have shown if he had been hit that night. Jesse said he had no marks on him at all. He said that he would have bruised if he had been hit. Jesse said they changed the story 3 times in the rewrites too. He said they made him out to be more of a villain and Kyle more of a hero. Jesse said he's going to sue Harper Collins in the next lawsuit after he wins this case. Howard said he'd be pissed too if someone made up a story. Howard said it's all just unfortunate. Jesse said he offered Chris Kyle in 2012 to back out of the story. He said Kyle insisted he hit him. He said Kyle refused to do it. Jesse said there's something weird about the killing too. He said that he found it odd that he was qualified to treat someone with Post Traumatic Stress. Jesse said the guy was a pathological liar. He said he made up a lot of stories.
Howard said this has put Jesse in a weird position. Jesse said he'd much prefer that it had never happened. He said the truth still matters to him though.
Howard said Jesse has family that were all in the military. Howard said the whole thing just sucks dick. Jesse said he'd like to switch the football for a second. He said that they went after Adrian Peterson for using a switch on his kid. Jesse said his mother would go to jail today because she used to hit him with a razor strap. He said she was a hero but she'd go to jail today for that. Howard said you don't really need to hit a kid. Jesse said he agrees that it's wrong but it's a societal thing.
Howard asked if Jesse hit his kids. Jesse said never. He said his dad never did either. He said it was just his mom. Howard said he got the hanger from his mom. He said the hanger was pretty bad. He said he once grabbed it out of her hands and she told his dad. He said he told him to just let her hit him.
Howard asked if Jesse is talking about all of this on that Aura.tv thing. Jesse said he has all the freedom that Howard has. He said he can say whatever he wants to. Jesse said he does a 12 minute wrestling interview. He said his wife loves it too. He said his wife loves it. He said it lets him go back and perform like that again.
Howard said it was good talking to Jesse. He told him to come in next time he's in the area. Howard said he'll get back to him about the bisexual fish thing. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he hates that whole Chris Kyle thing. He said that he thinks of both of them as heroes. Robin said the guy in the book is not the same guy in the movie. Robin said most people are responding to the guy in the movie and not the guy in the book. Robin said she thinks everyone who serves in the military is a hero. Howard said he served. Robin said wait a minute. Robin asked if they're going to pretend. Howard said he would never. He said that would be despicable. Howard said if you don't count the dolphins he has more kills than Chris Kyle. Robin said he was a sniper though. Howard said he was laughing at the snipers. He said they took out one at a time while he was blowing up schools. Howard said no one who went in with him ever died. He said he blew up the enemy.
Howard said once he was out of explosives other than a quarter stick of dynamite. He said he blew up a toilet and that took out 2 people. He said that the shrapnel from the toilet did that.
Howard played a bit the guys put together where they were talking about Howard's imaginary military service. They used clips of Howard making up stories in a real sounding documentary-like bit.
Howard talked about killing the dolphins in Vietnam and how he thought they were people when their heads popped out of the water. Howard said that's his story.
Howard asked Robin if she would rather fuck Big Foot or a dolphin. Robin said a dolphin. Howard said he thinks he would too. Howard said that's just awful though.
Gary said they pre-interviewed the dolphin guy and he said that he only had one problem with the documentary and it was about them portraying him having sex with the dolphin at night in the moonlight. Howard said this must be against the law. Robin said she's not sure how it goes with dolphins.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jesse told some lies in the interview. He said he claims he was never in the bar but then he had pictures of himself at the bar from that night. Howard said according to Jesse it never happened. The caller said that he's not saying anything bad about him but it didn't sound right to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he would have been honored if he had let him say this to Jesse. He said he thinks Chris Kyle is a hero. He said he hopes Jesse dies and burns in hell. Howard said he thinks that Jesse is a hero too. The caller said that Bradley Cooper did a great job with that movie. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said that if he was lied about in a book he'd be upset too. Howard said the whole thing is a mess.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who was sleeping once again. Howard said listen to that snore. He said even his sleep is disturbed. Howard tried waking him up but he was just snoring. Howard said he thinks these are his best calls. Howard said he has some phony phone call options. He said he has one a listener made. He said he used Jon Leiberman and Rappin' Granny clips and made a prank call saying he was upset with his neighbors. Howard said he had a few others too. Howard gave Robin the vote for which one to play. Howard asked Robin if she would rather have sex with Hanzi or a dolphin. Robin picked the dolphin again.
Robin said she wanted to hear the Jay Leno sex phone call bit he had. Howard let Hanzi go and played the prank call they made to a phone sex line with a Jay Leno impersonator. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's happy to see Adam Levine doing well. He said that he's a talented guy. Howard let his song play a little longer.
Howard took a call and said he has to do the top 5 songs. He said he has to do brackets. Howard said they're going to do the biggest asshole of 2015. He said he has to do that and do some Baba Booeys from the golf tournament. Howard said they also have to get to the guys who are saying ''fuck her in the pussy.'' Howard said he's not sure who is behind it.
Howard asked the caller what he wants to talk about. The caller said he wants to talk about the Benjy bullshit. He said he read a tweet he put out and deleted. He said he said something about being 100 percent done with Elisa. He said that he plugged her podcast too. Howard said Benjy's relationship is so childish. Howard said you don't tweet that out unless you're a 12 year old girl. Howard said that Benjy is a 50 year old man. The caller said they sound like their 15 years old emotionally.
Howard played a bit the guys created using clips from Elisa's podcast where Benjy is calling her names and making Elisa cry.
Howard asked Benjy why he put that up and took it back. Benjy said he was sad and angry with her last night. He said her podcast is on Spreecast. He said he was watching the show and got really sad. He said she was flirting with a guy on it. Howard said he got jealous. Benjy said he just loves her. Howard said he should marry her. Benjy said he would but he needs her to straighten up some things. He said he might if they got married but he has to see her get that done first. Benjy said he wants her to get a job. Howard said that is mature. Howard said the number one reason for people breaking up is financial. Benjy said she does work. Howard said if she's spending more than she should then that's a problem. Benjy said he doesn't have to make a huge amount of money to be happy. Howard said he doesn't either. Howard said he can live within his means. Benjy said he can do that. Howard said that's very smart.
Howard said he always had the attitude of not running up any debt. Howard said he lived within his means. Howard said he had to save up $8,000 to buy an X-car. He said that was the biggest piece of shit by the way. Howard said if she can't observe that then he's right. Howard said he has to stop pussy footing around. Benjy said he loves her. Howard said he's done.
Benjy said when they're at their best they're really good for each other. He said he really loves her. The caller said 'Jesus Christ...'' Howard said he's right. Howard said he has to get out of this. Howard said Benjy is not in love with her. He said that he's in love with her looks. Benjy said she is attractive. He said she has a great brain and soul too. Robin said her brain is making her make these bad decisions. Howard said you can't change people. Howard said she's going to want to go out and spend more than $15. Benjy said it's not that, it's a spending addiction. Howard said he's not that important to her. Benjy said one day he will be.
The caller also brought up that Ari Shiffir guy. Howard said he doesn't want to get sucked into that. He said he was just making a point about podcasting. Howard said he's not looking to give attention to these people. Howard said he's a very in demand broadcaster and he thinks if you're going to make money and have a career you have to do it a certain way. He said if you want to pretend by doing a podcast then go right ahead. Howard said he doesn't want to keep repeating this. He said this guy Chad is taking him down two vortexes. Howard said he took him down Benjy and now this. Howard said he hopes the guy has a beautiful career. Howard said that it's over and who gives a shit. Howard said a ton of people disagree with him. Howard said he's just saying if you want a career in broadcasting then you need to do it on terrestrial radio. Benjy asked why it's the wrong way to learn it on a podcast. Howard said if you're broadcasting to nobody and there are no rules and discipline you will never learn it. Howard said you have to rein yourself in.
Howard said if you want to make a living talking into a podcast it won't happen. Howard told Benjy to get the fuck out of there. He said he's surrounded by infidels. Howard said Benjy and Elisa can go make a podcast if they want to. Howard said he doesn't care. Howard said he allows Benjy to sit in there quietly and he's not doing that.
Howard said he was agreeing with Benjy earlier about Elisa's spending and then he started arguing with him. Fred asked Benjy if this is a bit that they've constructed. Howard said it is so they can get the audience to tune into her podcast. Benjy said his emotions are not a bit. Howard asked Fred to please stop. Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips of Benjy saying some strange things. They went to break after that.
Robin said this is why JD never does anything. Robin said he never films anything because of people like Lauren Conrad. JD told her that's a whole other thing. Howard said JD is trying to make it in show business. JD said he is trying to work in the industry. Howard said he should get a job at a store and give up his horrible feelings. JD said he might have to. Howard said a lot of people might say that his job is easy and he gets to hang out with Howard and has a girlfriend. He said they probably think he has no talent. JD said he sees that plenty. Howard said he had black rage around his age. Howard said he would get angry when he wasn't able to rent an apartment and other people got them. Howard said he was filled with jealousy and rage. Howard said he'd get angry just like JD.
Robin said this is crazy to her. She said JD is picking out random people. Howard said he wasn't half as angry as JD. Robin said that these people who get shows have to have something to make it. Howard asked JD if he gets mad at models who get picked up just for their looks. JD said he has a huge thing against reality TV shows. He said he thinks it's ruined a lot of things. Howard said he thinks the bottom line is that JD is angry at anyone who is attractive and gets attention. Robin said JD hated Jared. JD said hate is a strong word. Howard said Jared works there again and he thinks he's jealous of the hot chicks he got.
Howard asked why he hated Jared. JD said his personality didn't mesh. Gary said JD thought Jared was cocky. Gary said it was just confidence. Howard said JD hates that.
Howard mentioned the black penis contest they have coming up. He said if you think you have a nice penis and you're black you can enter at email@example.com. Howard played a song parody about JD and his mumbling. That was by Derek Jones.
Howard asked who the bigger asshole is between Chris Brown or Pat Robertson. Robin picked Pat again. Howard asked about Rush Limbaugh or Cosby. Robin said that it has to be Bill Cosby. Howard asked about Pat Robertson or Bill Cosby in the final bracket. Robin said it has to be Bill Cosby. Howard said he's the biggest asshole of the year then.
Howard asked Robin if she had to have sex with Bill or Pat, which one would it be. Robin asked if she can kill herself. Howard said no. He said she is strapped to a bed and she has to pick one. Robin said she'd go with the biggest asshole, Bill Cosby. Howard said he feels her pain. Howard said Robin feels like she's just been violated. Robin said she has.
Howard said there's a comedy web site that did this ''fuck her in the pussy'' thing and now guys are doing it on real newscasts. Howard said they already have a good thing with Baba Booey. Howard said this seems like it's gone too far. Howard played a clip where a guy was on camera being interviewed and he said ''fuck her right in the pussy'' live on TV. Howard said Robin is giggling over there. Robin was laughing pretty hard.
Howard said he has another one from Los Angeles. Howard played that and someone yelled that out and the news anchor said she hates when that happens. Robin was laughing so hard she was almost crying. Howard asked what's going on over there. Howard said she likes it. Robin said she had all kinds of objections before hearing them. Robin said she is wrong for laughing.
Howard played a clip of that reporter being interviewed about the offensive thing. She said she couldn't do anything about it. She said it was shocking. She said she stood there and tried not to cry. She said it was awful. She said that it's sad and not funny. Howard said Robin loves it. Robin said they're more funny to her than the actual statement. Robin said it's the stunned silence that cracks her up. Howard said it's the best.
Howard took a call from a guy, Zach, who said he thinks that he should have something to do with the penis contest because he won the contest. Howard said he has nothing to do with it. Howard said they just need something for George to judge. Howard told him not to worry about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Howard's show is like Saturday Night Live. He said that he feels the same way about his show that he did the first time he saw Saturday Night Live. The caller said he's going to write a song parody for them. He said he wants to do a nice one for her. Howard said he is so backed up with songs that he hasn't even played yet. The caller said he's going to do that for them.
Howard played some of the new songs about Robin. He had one from Eli Braden. He had one from Psych and one from Little Mikey. Howard said he has one from Daniel Mendelson too. Howard played that one which was an intro for her news.
Howard had the top 5 songs to play. He said number 5 is Rihanna, Kanye West and Paul McCartney's FourFiveSeconds. Howard said he thinks McCartney is smart to hook up with them. Howard said he can still write songs. Howard said number 4 was Ellie Goulding, number 3 was Maroon 5, number 2 was Ed Sheeran and number 1 was Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars. Howard played a couple of the songs with Big Foot singing them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they had the Worst Caller of all time recently but he thinks that Mariann from Brooklyn is the best caller. Howard said he thinks that he's bullshitting him. Howard said he might be off the wall. The caller said he loves Mariann. Howard had her on the phone so he put her on with the caller. Mariann said she needed that. She said she's been down. The caller said he's sad about the passing of her dog. Mariann and the caller, Paul, talked about the show for a minute. Howard said he's getting the feeling that she's not the best caller. Howard said this is sounding like a podcast.
Mariann said Extra had a couple of clips from the show last night. Robin said if they don't have Howard they have nothing on that show. Mariann asked if he has seen Obama reading his tweets on Kimmel the other night. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet but he has it recorded. Howard said Kimmel had a funny line with the President but he fucked it up when he asked him to tell it again. Howard hung up on Mariann and let her go with Paul. Howard said she is not the best caller.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said he wanted to ask a more serious question. He said that actresses are saying that it's okay to be fat. He said Kelly Clarkson and some people like that have gotten pretty huge. He said that it's not a good message to send to young girls. Howard said they're saying it's not right to hate someone for being fat. Howard said being fat is not healthy though. Howard said he was at the doctor and he felt low energy so maybe he lost too much. Howard said the doctor told him that he gains weight in his belly and that's the worst place to have fat. He said it's not good for you. He said it's awful. Mark said that the woemn on FOX News are stupendous. Howard said not everyone can look like that. He said they're freaks of nature. Robin said they are super women. Robin said they are woemn who have good genetics that allow them to look that way for years. Howard said he knows what Mark is saying. He said that women gain weight and say don't be against them. He said it's not healthy and it's not good. Mark said they let themselves go. Robin said some of them are in their baby years and they don't lose that baby weight.
Mark also said that JD is missing out on an opportunity. He said he should have a web cam girl of the week. Howard said that's enough of Mark. He hung up on him and said that's enough.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's disappointed in Jesse Ventura. She said she knows for a fact that he was knocked out at the bar. She said her ex-husband was there and he saw him get knocked out. She said that it was sad to hear him calling Chris Kyle not a hero. Howard said if he won the court case maybe he wasn't lying. Howard said maybe Chris Kyle was. The caller said anything is possible. Howard said Chris Kyle is a hero. He said that's not debatable.
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody from Eli Braden. Robin started her news with a story about diet drinks and how they can make you flabbier around the waist. Howard said he bets Benjy drinks those. Robin said they say that you can put on 3 inches around the waist over the course of a decade. Robin read more of the details of the study. Howard said he's not sure why people can't just drink water. Howard said Benjy's belly is bigger than ever. Benjy said he is going to lose a lot of weight from the pain he's in emotionally. Benjy said that he does drink those diet drinks. He asked if they are worse than the regular drinks. Howard said that's what Robin just read about. They are worse.
Robin read about the Sam Simon funeral and how Richard Johnson cleared up some things about Pam Anderson. Robin said they say that the family is not upset about Pam for taking the ring Sam left for her. Robin read about some of the other people who gave eulogies for Sam at his funeral.
Robin read a story about how there are 6.5 million people over the age of 112 or older. Howard said no way, he doesn't believe it. Robin said they say that social security doesn't have death records for millions of people. Howard said that's sounds more like it. Robin said that not everyone can be wrong. Robin said only 13 people are getting benefits. Howard said he guessed there were 13. Fred said he just looked it up and there are only 42 in the whole world who are known to be that old.
Robin read a story about a singer named Azalea Banks who has done a pictorial in Playboy for April. Robin said in the interview she talks about how she was raped when she was 17 years old. Robin said she's not sure that's what you want to read about after looking at someone naked. Howard agreed. He had a clip of Azalea talking about her use of the word ''faggot'' and what it meant to her when she was growing up. She had that discussion on OutQ there at Sirius.
Robin read about how the mayor of Rochester Hills, Michigan is upset with what Madonna said last week. Robin said he released an open letter to her over that. Robin had a clip from the interview Madonna did where she bad mouthed Rochester, Michigan. She said she can't be around basic provincial thinking. Robin had audio of the mayor talking about that. Howard said people who have things going on don't let that kind of stuff get to you. Howard said that's how she felt about it and this guy didn't need to defend it. The mayor said he'd love to see her come back and see how things have changed over the past 40 years. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break Howard said with the black penis contest he's hoping to see some celebrities like Don Cheedle or nick Canon. Howard said Gary sees Don Cheedle's dick on that show all the time. Robin said she has never seen it. Gary said he has seen his ass but not his penis. He said he sees the shadow of his penis. Gary said he didn't say he saw his penis. Howard said he did say that. Howard asked Benjy what Gary said. Benjy was asking if he was being real. Howard asked what he's talking about. Howard said he has him weirded out. Benjy heard Gary correct himself but he couldn't tell if Howard was doing a bit. Howard said Gary also told him that Mary McCormack is in a role on House of Lies and Don Cheedle makes love to her. Gary said she's not naked. He said she wears a bra. Gary said there is lots of nudity on the show but Mary doesn't show anything. Howard said Mary said when she was hired for Private Parts that she wouldn't show anything. Howard said he wasn't upset with that. Gary said that Kristen Bell is also in a lot of sex scenes but she never shows anything. He said that they both keep their bras on. Gary said that they have a lot of guest stars who get naked but not the two main people. Howard said he's against that.
Robin mentioned that she only keeps her bra on when she can't get somewhere in private. Gary asked if she took it off when she was bent over the sink. Robin said she probably had it on. She said it was in a rest room but in a lockable restroom. Howard said she had one pant leg wrapped around her ankle and her foot up on the sink or something. Robin said she's never kept her bra on in bed. Howard asked if Robin hung out with that guy who gave her anal. Robin said they didn't even know each other. Robin said 2 days later she was in her room and she heard something hitting the glass. She said he was throwing pebbles at her window. Robin said they hung out after that. Gary asked if he has any recollection of his name at all. Robin said he had a girl's name as the first name. She said she did talk to him after she wrote the book. Howard said they have to track that guy down.
Robin got back to her news and read about Lady Gaga singing the Sound of Music soundtrack at the Oscars. Robin had a clip of the song she performed. Robin said composer Steven Sondheim was not impressed. Robin said he agrees with Howard about her versatility but he found what she did was ridiculous. He said she had no relationship to what she was singing. Howard asked who could have a relationship with that music. Howard said he has to be kidding. Robin said he also didn't like the Carrie Underwood version in 2003.
Robin read a story about the New Zealand version of X-Factor and how two judges were fired over something they said to a contestant. Howard said he saw that and it was ridiculous. He said the contestant didn't deserve what the judges did to him. Robin had some audio from the show where they were going off on this contestant. One of the judges said she's bothered by how he copied her husband. She said he was a laughing stock. The crowed booed as she was going off on the guy. Howard said he doesn't agree with them firing her. Howard said they did ask for her opinion and she gave it to them. Robin said it was all about how he looks though. Howard said she's a judge and that's how it works. Howard said everyone gets fired over this kind of thing now. Howard said he doesn't feel any hatred toward anyone. He said when he comments he's trying to help the situation. Howard said the husband went and said that the guy was cheap. Howard played some of that audio too. The woman said she was ashamed to be there. The other judge told them they were out of line according to Howard. Howard said he's done that with the other judges. He said he often has to get them in line. He said it doesn't work but he tries.
Robin said Mike Porcaro has died. Robin said that he is a bassist. Howard guessed he was a bassist for Toto. Robin said he's right. Howard played their song ''Rosanna'' and said that it's about David Arquette's sister. Robin said he died after a long battle with ALS. Howard asked what that is and why they can't find a cure for it. Robin said it's a cruel disease. Robin said he was 59 years old and he was surrounded by his family. Robin had Howard play some of Toto's hit songs. They had about 3.
Robin read a story about an airline flight that had to turn around after an unruly passenger caused them to take action. Robin said passengers were taking video of the passenger. Robin said the guy got unruly and started screaming ''Jihad'' so he was detained. Howard played the audio and did an impression of the guy crying.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is going to go off into the sunset and then they'll hear that people committed suicide over it. Howard said he thinks there will be mass suicide. The caller said Jimmy Kimmel said he would do that when he retires. Howard let the guy go a short time later.
Robin read about the Justin Bieber roast and had some audio of Jimmy Kimmel and Kevin Hart talking about how rough they were on him at the taping. Robin said the late Paul Walker was getting a lot of jokes at the roast and he's not even alive. Robin said Comedy Central will be cutting all of those jokes out though. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Indiana trying to pass a religious freedom bill. Robin said this is about people being able to deny service to people they don't agree with in their religion. Robin said that means that they wouldn't have to believe in gay marriage and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked whose sex tape he'd want to see if he could see one from the staff. Howard said Fred. He said that has to be freaky. He said either that or Jon Hein. Howard said Fred has to be freaky. He said he thinks he's dangerous. Howard asked Fred if he would see anything weird. Fred said he's not sure how weird it could get. Fred said there is nothing weird like squatting over a stew or anything. Robin said she doesn't want to see Fred. Robin said she'd want to see Ronnie. She said she thinks it would be unbelievable. Howard said with Jon Hein you might see Gary sneak in.
Robin read about the Robert Durst documentary ''The Jinx'' and how the director is coming out and talking about why they didn't bring out the revelation until now because they had a lack of staff. Robin said they say they will be able to use that HBO tape in a trial. Robin had some audio of the director talking about how freaked out he was by the tape. Robin said the brother of Kathy Durst, Robert's first wife, says he was on a roller coaster of emotions. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about the Royals and that led to Howard asking JD if he is jealous of them. JD said that Harry was in the military and things like that so he's not. Howard said he thinks it all has to do with hot chicks when JD gets upset. JD is upset with the people who pay so much attention to the family. Robin said it makes no sense. Howard said there is no consistency.
Robin read about a priest who has an album coming out and he got that deal from singing at a wedding. Howard was still talking to JD and trying to find out why he gets so upset over these things.
Robin read a story about Mitt Romney and Evander Holyfield doing a boxing exhibition. Robin said it's a charity boxing event that will happen in Salt Lake City. Robin said she thinks Evander can take him. Robin said she saw a documentary called Champ that's really good. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. He also said they have a poll up today asking if you agree with Howard that Chris Kyle is a hero or agree with Jesse Ventura that he's not. Jon said they'll have the results later today.
Jon said he remembers Jesse from wrestling. He said that he also remembers him from Running Man. Jon said that Ronnie also gave movie reviews today. Rob said he was listening and he thinks he was close to 100 percent guessing which movies he was describing. Jon said that it took Robin a long time to get into it. rob said he heard that Something about Mary description he knew what it was. Jon said you just don't know what will come out of Ronnie's mouth. Rob said Ronnie isn't as tiny as people say. He said he has a beautiful moustache. He said he looks you in the eyes when he talks to you too. He said you think that he could teach you how to tie your shoes or how to take your virginity.
Jon said Ronnie seems to give tips and the well never dries. He said you think he's got to be goofing around but he had such glee hearing them back. He said maybe he knows how creepy he is. Rob said that's the thing about this show. He said you think it's bullshit and then you hear the tone of his voice and you know it's real. He said his sex tips are really funny. He said burning the cunt was a little extreme for him. He said that's kind of sex offender like for him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks Jesse Ventura sounds a lot like Big Foot. Rob said that he might be one stroke away from being Big Foot. Jon asked Rob where he stands on this Chris Kyle thing. Rob said he got to hang out with a sniper and he said he was a hero not for killing people but for saving lives. He said that it's all about your perception of it. He said he's not that aware of the story about Jesse. Jon said Jesse says that he wasn't knocked out in the bar by Chris like Chris claims he did. Jon said a lot of people are passionate about this stuff. He said that he thinks anyone who puts their life in harm's way is a hero in his eyes. Jon said Robin didn't think Captain Sullenberger was a hero for landing the plane in the Hudson. Rob said that's ridiculous. He said he would say that it was heroic. Jon asked if you can do something heroic and not be a hero. Rob said he's not sure about that. Jon said they might be getting too deep. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Rob is a 2 time Emmy winner. He asked if he ever thought of doing a Baba Booey. Rob said no. He said it would be insulting to them. He said that it was the Emmys before the Emmys. He said it would have seemed gratuitous. He said he's saving it for some other thing like the Nobel. He said he's surprised no one has done it yet. He said maybe not the Baba Booey but a thank you to Howard Stern.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she loves JD. She said she loves his likes and dislikes. She said there might be a game in there. She said that they could go through his likes and dislikes and his reasons. Jon said that he'll pass that along to Howard. He said that JD went off on Lauren Conrad today and Howard said he think JD just doesn't like good looking people. Jon said he wonders about that. He said a lot of times JD is upset at the more beautiful people. Rob said he never thought of the Jared thing. He said he figured he just shot too high. Rob said it could be that. He said that it comes off like idealism in a way. He said it's probably just an insecurity.
Jon asked if Howard sees JD as his son. Rob said he thinks they all think of him as their son. Rob said he could be the cousin who gives him his first beer and things like that. He said JD is an endearing person in general. Jon said JD has had some directorial success with It's Always Sunny. Rob said he's really good at directing one scene. He said that's hard though. He said put 10 of those together and they'd be fine. Rob said he'd put him in the mix if they weren't all booked up. He said that probably won't happen actually.
Jon asked Rob if he thinks JD will go out and get something if Howard retires. Rob said he bets JD will blossom. Jon asked if he thinks that JD has changed since he got his girlfriend. Rob said he felt like part of the old JD had died and a new one was blossoming. Jon said she's a lot of fun and JD is very comfortable with her. Rob said he thinks JD will do fine unless he gets her pregnant.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he sees his older than him son. He said he loves the Ronnie's Sex Tips too. He said you can't always follow them though. He said his girlfriend got a yeast infection after he did the candy cane thing. Jon asked what he has had luck with. The guy said the cum in the egg nog was his favorite. He said no one sees that coming.
Gary came in and talked about the Ronnie stuff. He said that he's like a little kid with this thoughts on sex. He said they just never went away. He said there is a little bit of tongue in cheek stuff there but he does have some really graphic stuff going on in his head. He said that stuff is actually in his head.
Jon asked what percent they think is in his head. Gary said 85 percent. Rob said it's somewhere between 84 and 86 percent. They went to break after that.
Jon said that they had Craig Robinson up there talking about Hot Tub Time Machine 2. Rob said he dropped a pretty mean Stern reference in the movie. He said he gets shot in the dick and he references Chuck Zito in that scene.
Jon brought up the award show thing and how no one has dropped a Stern reference yet. Gary said he thinks that the people who are getting the awards now are people who grew up on the show. He said it's just a matter of time. Rob said that he can have some great conversations with people who listen to the show. Gary said they had a Jason Mantzoukas dropped a ''Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock'' on Parks and Recreation. Rob said the editors probably didn't even know it was a Stern reference.
Gary said there's a group out there doing the ''fuck her right in the pussy'' thing and they got that from some comedy group. Gary said that's not them at all. Gary said that Howard thinks Baba Booey is funnier and he doesn't like that ''fuck her right in the pussy.'' Gary said that when people get Baba Booey'd they think that it's a badge of honor. Rob said that it's changed the world of golf. Gary said that some people thought it was a distraction thing but now they get it after having it explained to them. Rob said his dad is a big golf fan and he'd like to know if he knows what it means.
Jon said they have the poll results. He said he has Gregg Karmel there with the results. Gregg said that 59 percent of the people agree with Jesse Ventura. He said 5 percent of the people are indifferent. Gary said they hired a guy to go kill and he's not sure why people think he was wrong for doing his job. Gary said he was a hired gun. Gary said soldiers can't say where they want to go. He said that would be bedlam. The guys spent a minute talking about that.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology. He gave Rob some plugs and wrapped up. They were done around 11:45am.
Howard started the show talking about Nick Cannon's girlfriend. Howard said her name is Jessica White. Howard showed Robin and Robin thought she was very pretty. Howard said he saw her at the AGT taping. Howard said she's as hot as they come. Howard said they were taping one day for like 15 hours. He said the whole room turned around. Howard said Howie Mandel was judging with his back to the contestants. Howard said in walks this goddess. Howard said she's super thin but not too thin. He said she's got big titties and she's wearing jeans and a t-shirt like they've never been worn. Howard said Nick has some guys in his entourage and one guy is his barber and advisor. He said the other guy is his bodyguard. Howard said they were marching the girl in. Howard said no one said anything but it's in the paper today. Howard said he's not sure that young man can handle her. Robin said he hasn't asked for his help. Howard said he's surprised he hasn't.
Howard told Fred to look at her. Fred said that's some rebound he has. Benjy said she's very pretty. Howard said he has to put that away. Howard said he could look at that for 4 hours. Fred played some creepy Ronnie clips where he's saying ''Tickle her clit'' and things like that.
Howard said there's a story about this Mars 100 thing where people would take a one way trip to Mars. Howard said that there is no atmosphere there. Howard said you'd live indoors your whole life. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would want to do that unless they wanted to commit suicide. Robin said they should let them choose who they want to go. Howard said now she's talking. Howard said he can think of some people he doesn't want there. Robin said these are some people who could do some good on Earth and they want to go to Mars. Howard said they found 202,000 people who were willing to go. Robin said they were going to pick 100. Howard said they only picked a couple of Americans. Howard said they picked 50 men and 50 women. Howard said he guesses they have to do that. Howard said he had nothing on his DVR last night so they watched ''Last Man on Earth'' and it's really funny. He said there is some virus and every person on earth is dead except him and it's really good.
Bobo asked if Howard and Beth were invited to a dinner party with either Gary or Fred, who would be the best host. Howard said Gary would be. Howard said Fred doesn't have the social graces that Gary might have. He said Gary would be more aware of what his guests need. Fred didn't agree but he said that is Howard's opinion. Howard said Fred has never had anyone over. Fred said he has had two things. Robin said she remembers his 40th birthday. Fred said he had a 50th too. He said he had a thing at the Water Club too. Gary said that was back in the 90s. Gary said they had an outside terrace. Howard said he wasn't there. Fred said oh yes he was. Howard said he doesn't remember that. Fred said they had the limo there and that's how he knows Howard was there. Howard said he has repressed that memory. Howard said he doesn't remember that at all. Robin said she doesn't remember that either. Robin said she remembers the Water Club. Fred said Howard liked the apartment so much that he did a photo shoot there. Howard said he swears to god that he doesn't remember that. He said he has no memory of that.
Howard said he remembers some things about Fred but not this dinner party. He said he has been to his place. Howard said he didn't remember that the Water Club was for Fred. Howard said he thought it was for himself. Howard asked why he thinks that. Gary said that was at a different place. The guys said it was on the water but it wasn't The Water Club. Howard asked who would go for Fred. Fred said he's not even sure. Howard said the 90s are a blur to him. Fred asked how that can be. Robin said maybe he was still under the effects of LSD.
Howard said he remembers Robin doing the Water Club. Fred said his wife did that on her own. Fred said the parties for him were supposed to be surprises. He said they weren't because people spoiled it for him.
Bobo said he's glad he stayed up all night. Howard told him to go to bed now. They played him out with a theme song about Bobo. They went to break after that.
Howard said they have so much other stuff to talk about. Howard said that they have the penis contest coming up next week. George Takei will be in to judge that. Howard said they have the rules up on the SiriusXM.com web site.
Howard said that Malcolm J. Brenner is the guy who began fucking a dolphin. Howard had Malcolm on the phone. Howard asked how he's not in jail. Malcolm said there was no law against it when he did it. Howard said when he made love to a dolphin there was no law saying it was illegal. Malcolm said there was no bestiality law until 2011.
Howard said Malcolm was born in New Jersey and he's 63 years old. Howard said his mother was cold and distant. Howard said at the age of 5 he was interested in animals when he saw the movie The Shaggy Dog. Robin said that was a man in a dog suit. Malcolm said it was a real dog. He said the man turns into a dog in the movie and that's what interested him. Howard played a clip from the movie and tried to turn Malcolm on. Howard said it was The Shaggy Dog.
Howard said Malcolm claim he got an erection from that. Malcolm said yes he did. Howard said this is something he's born with then. Malcolm said he doesn't know about that. He said he was being molested by a psychotherapist at the time. Robin asked why he was going to one at 5. Malcolm said you'd have to ask his parents. He said they believed in some whacked out stuff. Howard asked if he was raped anally or fellatio. Malcolm said it was both. Howard said maybe that's why he disconnected with people. Malcolm said maybe.
Howard said Malcolm tried to have sex with the family dog. Malcolm said he wasn't able to gain entry into her. Howard asked if he felt he was normal. Malcolm said he didn't feel normal at all and he was trying to feel normal but it wasn't working. He said that women didn't turn him on. He said he didn't understand them. He said they weren't sexual beings to him.
Howard asked Malcolm about meeting his first dolphin, Dolly. Malcolm said he was trying to be normal and straight and fall in love with women at the time. Howard asked if it's just certain animals he falls for. Malcolm said it's only certain ones. Howard asked about horses and cows. He picked a horse. He picked a dog over a deer. He picked a giraffe over a kangaroo. Howard had him pick from those 3 and he picked a dog. Howard asked if he likes the dolphin more. Malcolm said he does.
Howard asked if he will only bang a female dolphin. Malcolm said that's all he'd go with. He said the male dolphins didn't like him. He said he only banged the female once.
Howard said he knows he's promoting this documentary. Malcolm said he had a couple of guys make that with him. Howard said you can find out more about that at DolphinLoverMovie.com
Howard said he has a book out called ''Wet Goddess'' too.
Howard asked about how the dolphin seduced him. Malcolm said that it took place over time. He said that he'd be in the water and he'd get embarrassed and he'd have to get out of the water. Fred was playing a dolphin sound and Malcolm said that was actually Mel Blanks doing that.
Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard asking women on the street if they would rather have sex with Howard Stern or a dolphin. They were picking the dolphin. Howard played a clip that the guys edited together of Rush Limbaugh saying he has had a dolphin lover too.
Malcolm said that he and the dolphin were trying to communicate with each other in the water. He said he'd make a noise and the dolphin would try to imitate him. Howard asked if he got into her without a condom. Malcolm said that he did. He said he was trying his best to penetrate her. He said he was deeply in love with her. He said he thinks she felt the same way about him. He said he had an orgasm and she had one too. Howard asked how he knows that. Malcolm said she vocalized it. He said he thinks it was real. He said that she did that just like a woman would.
Howard asked how far he got into her. Malcolm said he is average and he thinks he got about halfway in. He said that it feels rubbery in there.
Howard asked if Malcolm has had sex with women. Malcolm said he has and he has a daughter. Howard asked how she feels about this. Malcolm said that she designed the cover of his book.
Howard said he feels like this is rape. Malcolm said he got in the water with Dolly and the other dolphin almost attacked him. He said Dolly slipped between two boards and got into a pen by herself. He said if she had any qualms about having sex with him she could have gotten out.
Howard said he has read that the dolphin penis is 10 to 14 inches. Malcolm said he has never seen one so he doesn't know.
Howard asked if Malcolm is still in love with Dolly. Malcolm said he does still love her. He said that she was hauled off to another park and put into isolation. He said he thinks that she committed suicide by holding her breath under water.
Howard said Malcolm describes having sex in different positions. Malcolm said they tried several before they found one that worked for both of them. Howard said this isn't bullshit is it. Malcolm said it is not. He said this really happened. Howard said this is odd. He said this is the type of thing that people are ashamed of. Malcolm said to him it's important for people to know what dolphins are. He said there are others out there that are sexual beings. He said dolphins are being murdered and being enslaved. He said we're turning their oceans into cesspools too.
Howard asked if he wants this to be legal. Malcolm said he would hope that they stop throwing them in jail for it. Howard asked how many dogs he had sex with. Malcolm said 3. Howard asked if they don't bite. Malcolm said the females in heat are very receptive.
Howard said he feels like this is an illness. Howard said this isn't right. Malcolm said that he did get married. Howard said he got divorced too. Howard said he thinks he's completely disassociated. Malcolm said a lot of people get divorced. Howard asked if he sees the sadness in this. Robin said the dogs can't be consenting. Malcolm said he thinks they did. He said it all depends on how you approach them. Howard said if you want to see this then go to DolphinLoverMovie.com
Howard said Dolly is not dead and he has her on the phone. Howard took the call and the guys in the back were playing dolphin clips. They were playing some Maria Menounos laughing clips too.
Howard said that Malcolm does have a book out and he gives his full name. Howard said they put his picture on their Instagram account and people say he looks like JD.
Howard asked if he thinks that Dolly killed herself from being separated from him. He said he thinks that might be part of it. He said she was also isolated. He said they put her in a small pool with a view of the ocean and it may have been too much for her. Howard gave Malcolm some more plugs for his movie and his book. Malcolm thanked him for having him on.
Howard asked how he made a living. Malcolm said he was a reporter and a novelist. Howard asked if he wanted to take some calls. Malcolm was up for it. Howard took one and a guy said he should be number 1 on the list for people going to Mars.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and said that Sam Simon is looking down on him. She said he's an animal and he's horrible. She said that the police should come and arrest him. She said this is so crazy she can't believe it. Howard asked if he gets a lot of this. Malcolm said he kind of keeps to himself.
Howard asked if he would ever masturbate to a guy having sex with a chicken. Malcolm said no. He said that a chicken isn't built that way. Howard asked if he would masturbate to a guy having sex with a dog. Malcolm said he's turned on by animals having sex, not humans having sex with animals.
Howard asked when he broke the news to his daughter. He said she was about 16. Howard took another call from a woman who asked if he is going to therapy. Malcolm said he has had hundreds of hours of therapy but he's not going now. Howard said it must be hard to go since one raped him. Malcolm said that was a different thing. He said the people he's seen are more about psychology and not physiology.
Howard asked if his favorite team is The Dolphins. Malcolm said he actually doesn't follow sports. Howard said he had a feeling. Howard let Malcolm go after that.
Howard said he can never retire because he'd miss calls like that. Howard said he's not sure how he'd get by. Howard played the clips of women on the street saying they'd rather have sex with a dolphin instead of Howard Stern. Howard also played the Rush Limbaugh thing again. Howard said those things take hours to edit together. They went to break after that.
Howard also played a Wendy the Slow Adult is Cinderella movie commercial parody. After that Howard played a clip of people being asked what they think about Howard being offered a trillion dollars to stay at Sirius. Some people were upset by that news and some thought it was great news.
Howard said that it would be cool if they did offer him a trillion. Howard said it would be great if they had that thing where they slide that piece of paper to him and he doesn't even know what number that is. Howard said Scott asked for like a million when they came there. Howard said he thinks he told them that. Benjy said it was either there or K-Rock. Howard laughed. Howard said it's kind of weird to ask for that. Howard said Scott said he asked how much he wanted.
Scott came in and said when they came there he had agreed on a number. He said in the interview they asked what he wanted his salary to be and he threw out a million sarcastically. He said he would like it to be a million but they're not going to pay him that. He said it was a ridiculous question. Scott said that's what he wants but he won't get it. Howard thanked Scott and wondered why he only wants a million instead of 10 million. Scott said he was leaving room to negotiate. Howard said he's sure they've remembered that ever since. Howard said they must laugh when they think about it.
Howard said they asked the staff what they would want their last meal to be. Howard played a clip of Jason talking about his last meal. He said he'd want it to be a bunch of bites of his favorite foods. He mentioned burgers, steak, McDonald's and more.
Howard played Jon Hein's last meal. Jon said he'd want a steak from Peter Luger's and fries from Nathan's. Howard said you know you've got an eating problem when you hear that. Jon also said he'd want an Oreos cookies and cream blizzard from Dairy Queen.
Howard said they asked Dr. Drew about what he thinks about what Ronnie was talking about on yesterday's show. Drew was talking about how he has a sex addiction and he thinks that he has some dirty old man thing going on there. Howard said he thinks Ronnie wants to think of himself as a teenager. Robin said he never matured beyond that point. Howard said they asked Ronnie what he wanted as his last meal and Ronnie said this. Howard played the clip and Ronnie said he'd want a hot chick with a hairy pussy with a little squirt. Howard said he is vile. Howard asked if he's trying to be disgusting or is it really him. Fred said he thinks this is the real guy. Howard asked why a hairy pussy. Robin said it's the hair pie. Robin said the squirting is gross. Howard said it is disgusting.
Howard played a Bruce Jenner commercial parody where he and Big Foot hook up. Howard said E! grabbed that since they lost Fashion Police. Howard said he'd watch that show. Robin said it would have to be on 24 hours a day. Robin said you'd want to be able to tune in to see that.
Howard played Richard's last meal request. Richard said he'd want Chicken Brian from Carabba's. Howard said he knew it was going to be something from a chain restaurant. Howard played more of Richard talking about why that's his favorite meal. Howard said he knows that he'd go to Pizza Hut instead of a real pizza place there in the city too.
Howard said everyone is going crazy there. Howard said he casually said to Robin that he was offered a dream job. He played a clip from a news report where they were talking about that dream job offer. Howard said that it was all over the news. Howard played a clip from a Charleston, South Carolina news report.
Howard said he was in his psychiatrist office yesterday. He said he is exhausted. He said he took on too much work. Robin said he didn't do anything with the show yesterday. Howard said the whole week is filled with shows. Howard said he's exhausted already just thinking about doing AGT. Howard said he has to work on his game plan. Howard said his contract is up in January and AGT will be over. Howard said he was the one who said he has to work on it. Howard said he has to plan out his life. Howard said he is going to come up with a plan and talk to Robin about it. Howard said he had some freedom but he screwed that up. Robin said he can wait until the last minute but he will work on it. Howard said we'll see what happens.
Howard said he did get a cool job offer. He said he was very honored. Robin said that's wonderful. Howard said he can only do so much. Robin said he can't do it now. Howard said no.
Hanzi asked if he saw Banshee. Howard said he did. He said it's the best show on TV. Hanzi said it's better than The Walking Dead. Howard said this week's episode was great. Howard said there was tons of zombies eating and people getting killed. Howard said Banshee is great though. Hanzi asked if he can hook him up with Wrestlemania or not. Howard said ''Bye!''
Howard asked what he wants exactly. Hanzi said he has never gone before. Howard asked what he wants. Hanzi said he wants to go to Wrestlemania in Santa Clara. Howard asked if he has to pay for everything. Hanzi said yes but Howard said no way. He said he may be able to get him tickets. Hanzi said he knows Howard is going. Howard said he isn't going. Howard said he has his dad on the phone. Howard picked up and had Sal on the line saying he can't go because he caught him jerking off to Hulk Hogan. Howard asked if he can leave the house. Sal said he isn't going anywhere.
Howard said maybe Hanzi can buy his own tickets and go on his own. Hanzi said they hooked everyone up in the past. He said he is living through the worst era of the show. Howard said he can't help. He said he might be able to get him tickets but he's not flying him out there. Hanzi told him to hold on. Howard said bye again but Hanzi kept telling him not to hang up. Howard said there is nothing in it for him.
Hanzi asked if they're going to have The Rock on ever again. Howard said he doesn't know. Gary said he has a request into him now. He said he's doing Saturday Night Live soon and he has that request in. Howard let Hanzi go and played him out with a theme song.
Howard took a call from a guy who was talking like a top 40 DJ. Howard did the same to him. The caller asked about Suzanne Somers saying she has sex at least once a day. Howard said he thinks it's disgusting. Howard said she has to be almost 70. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Howard said she has done a lot of work on herself too. He said he liked her natural beauty. Howard said he wants to say to women that they have to stop. Howard said Suzanne looks different to him. Howard said he has been gross his whole life and sometimes you look better just looking old. Howard said his eyelids are over his eyes. Howard said he isn't going to get an operation on that. Howard said he has changed and he looks Asian now. Howard said he just noticed that in the mirror today. Howard said he has always been gross so he's used to it. Howard said they did a photo shoot for AGT and he can't find a good shot of himself. Howard said Howie looks better than he does and he's no beauty.
Howard asked if he's better looking than Howie. Robin said they're about the same. Howard said that's not what he wanted to hear. Howard said he thinks Howie is better looking. Howard said he feels bad for Howie and himself. Robin said Howie isn't bad. Howard said he's no beauty. Robin said he has a good look and so does Howard.
The caller asked about Howie's friend toilet papering his house. Howard said that Howie is acting shocked about that. Howard said he lives in a gated community and he came home to see his house toilet papered. Howard said Howie was upset at first and then he wasn't upset. Howard said now he's accepting it because his wife was in on it. Howard said you can't do that in a gated community. Howard said Howie is in on it. Howard said he's not sure why he did it. He said it's not funny. Robin said maybe it adds to his zaniness. Howard said maybe that's it. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel just did that with his friend John Krasinski. Howard said that they were doing that to each other's cars and stuff. Howard said that's such a waste too. He said there are people in this world who don't have toilet paper and they're wasting it like that. Howard said as a person who struggles you wonder why they're wasting the money and not giving it to charity or something. Howard said he's going to see them tomorrow so he's going to ask them about that. Howard said that he'll be at the Hammerstein Ballroom taping AGT tomorrow so he'll ask about that. Howard said he'll ask Howie about it but he knows he won't talk about it.
Howard said if someone did that to him he'd grab the guy by the back of the head and slam his head into the ground. Howard said he'd go to jail for 7 years and he'd be fine with that. Howard said he's already in jail. He said he works all the time and can't go do anything. Howard said he would take all of the rolls of toilet paper and shove it up the person's ass. Then he'd dump the body on Howie's lawn.
The caller said hearing Howard talking about Nam the other day he thinks he must have some collection of ears and stuff. Howard said not anymore. Howard said when his kids were born he put that all behind him. Howard said Vietnam was a tough time in his life. Howard said he loves fighting for his country. He said he suffered many years of nightmares. He said he felt guilty killing women and children. Howard said he was younger then.
Howard said once he went into a Viet Cong village to kill some people. He said he killed a whole family. He said then he toilet papered their house. Howard said that's what he did. Howard said it sent a message to everyone there. Howard said he had to scalp the family and use their scalps for toilet paper since he had used all of the paper. Howard said those were the days. He said no one was court marshaled. Howard said they were in the jungle and it didn't mater. Howard said they would have done the same to him if he hadn't acted like an animal. Howard said he is no longer combat ready. He said he's changed a lot.
Howard said his therapist doesn't want to hear that stuff. He said a lot of people can't handle war stories. Howard said that's why he doesn't talk about it much. Howard said he did some things that people would call ''Heinous.'' Howard said he was so vicious. Howard said one time he was slogging through the jungle and he was shooting wildly. He said he used a woman's uterus as a whoopi cushion. He said it makes a sound when you sit on it. He said his platoon went nuts over that. Howard said that they loved it.
Howard said his mind is so consumed with what went on back then. Robin said he hadn't told the stories in a long time. Howard said this caller, Mike, brought it up. Mike said it sounds like he had a lot of ears. Howard said he had ears and teeth. Howard said he's done talking about that after Mike said he had to go. Howard said they barely talk about those experiences anymore. Howard said he defends his actions by your freedom. Robin laughed. Howard said we're free to have fun. Robin said that's true.
Howard played a clip from Predator that the guys edited together using an Arnold impersonator. He was talking about fucking a maid in that clip.
Howard said he has more brackets. Howard said today they have something sent in by a listener. Howard said that it's rather extensive and they had to modify it a bit. Howard said it's going to be a big one. Robin said they have to do a hottest girl bracket too. Gary said JD has one and he's not sure Howard knows the women on the list. He named a few that were on the list but Howard didn't know a bunch. Howard said that they can just declare who she is and be done with it. Robin said they could do a FOX News bracket. Howard said he'd be up for that. Howard said that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is hot. Howard said there are a few others who are phenomenal. Howard said Megyn Kelly has gotten better looking too. Howard said that Guilfoyle and Dana Perino are hot too. Howard said that it's endless hot chicks there. Howard said they all read very well and have opinions too. Howard said if he was single he'd date all of them. Howard said he'd fuck everyone at FOX news. Howard told JD to put that bracket together. JD said he's on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he wanted to hear a compliment first or what he's charged up about. Howard said he could use a compliment. The caller said the show has been great lately. He said that he got the image of Howard turning into Nosferatu when he eats but then he turns back into himself. Howard said he hates eating in front of people. He said he eats his egg sandwich in front of the guys. Howard said he is particularly gross when he eats. Howard said he doesn't have good looks. He said he knows he's disgusting when he eats. The caller said it would be funny if he had to turn into the monster to eat.
Howard asked Robin if she watched that movie with the origin of Dracula. Robin said she did and she liked it. They didn't remember the name of the movie. Robin figured it was Dracula Untold. Howard said he and Robin may be the only two who saw it.
Howard asked the caller what else he had. The caller said as a stockholder he thinks they should be giving Howard whatever he wants there. He said they should be paying him to program too. Howard said he can't speak for those guys. Howard said they will determine what he's worth. He said that if they agree then they'll have a deal. Howard said his audience followed him there like Jews out of Egypt. Howard said this thing took off and they turned Sirius into a real player. Howard said he'd like to turn Sirius into a company with 100 million subscribers. Howard said he doesn't own the company but he should own a piece of it.
The caller asked if Howard has other plans that Sirius hasn't done yet. Howard said of course he does. Howard said he has told them what he'd like to see them do. Howard said he could create heaven on earth right there. The caller said that's what he's saying. He said without Howard they are nothing. He said he has been a listener forever. Howard said if he leaves where else are you going to hear about eating vagina over corned beef and cabbage. The caller, Shane, said that Howard is the face of Sirius. He said they should turn him loose and let him do his thing. Howard said he kind of agrees with him. He said that he left Viacom and they are ready to sell that thing now. Howard let Shane got a short time later. Howard said he has a good feeling about that place. He said it's not a contentious relationship.
Howard asked Robin if she understands it. Robin said she thinks they might be talking to a pimp. Howard said she might be right. Howard said the guy has a really nice car. Robin said he hasn't said a full sentence yet. Robin said she's listening and hasn't heard one. Howard said that James Brown was on the show once and they had to have Janie the Cleaning Lady come in and interpret for them. Robin said she might be the one for this job too. Howard played more of the clip and asked if you can believe that.
Howard said the site was started by a black guy. Robin figured it was run by white people earlier. Howard said that it's a hip hop thing. Howard said a lot of guys sounded like that when he was growing up. Howard said he'd just go along with whatever they said. Howard said there is something going on there but he doesn't know what it is. Robin said when you have a limited vocabulary you have to start fighting. Robin said that's why it's scary. Robin said he has to start throwing his fists after 5 words.
Howard said someone gave him a note about how Russell Simmons is making a movie about the start of WorldStarHipHop.com. Howard said he's not sure who would want to see that.
Howard played another clip from the site where this guy is pissed off in a McDonald's and yells at a girl there. Howard said he's not sure what she did. JD said he thinks he was yelling at the fry cook. Howard played more of the clip and the guy was yelling at the top of his lungs at this woman who was talking back to him. Howard said this guy is more muscular than the guy in the first video. Howard played more of the clip and tried to figure out what that guy was yelling about. Howard said this is why he won't leave his house. He said he's afraid.
Howard said he has a clip of a woman yelling on a plane about taking over Venezuela. Howard played that and said this is on a plane where you just don't want to deal with that. Howard said there's one guy who slowly gets up and moves. He said he just disappears. In the clip the woman is yelling and rambling about Venezuela. Howard said he doesn't want to be on a plane next to that. Howard said they say she's a professor at Penn State. Howard asked how they know that. They told him it's all over the news. Howard said she must just teach wherever she goes. Howard said she's the modern day Paul Revere. Howard let that play a little more and said he heard she lit up a cigarette too.
Howard asked Robin if she would rather sit on a plane with that woman or a crying baby. Robin said she knows what she would do to that woman to shut her up. She said she can't do that to a baby.
Howard played another clip of a Muslim guy yelling out a prayer on a flight. Howard played that one too. Howard said the world is fucked. Howard said you know you're in trouble when you hear that. Robin said she wants to propose a law right now and say that anyone who does that on a plane can be subdued by the passengers on the plane. Howard agreed. Howard said when he was a kid and he got on a plane people would get dressed up. Howard said he had to wear a jacket and a tie. Robin said the airport was a fabulous place and you dressed up to go there. Howard said then it got affordable. He said they have to jack up the prices to get guys like that off the plane. Robin said it's like a bus station now.
Howard said Jim McClure has a tape that he just brought back from Los Angeles. Howard played that and it's a baby crying and screaming. Gary said he had that on a plane on his way back from L.A. recently too. Gary said the other thing is that the seats are getting smaller and smaller and there is etiquette for sitting on the plane. He said you have to have a discussion with the guy next to you about how you're going to use it. Gary said that if you get a fat person next to you and you're on the aisle then you have to lean into the aisle. He said that everyone hits you as they walk by. Gary said he's had people elbow him and he says something. He said that it gets so bad that you have to say something but you don't want to.
Howard played another clip that Richard brought back from a flight with a crying baby on it. Howard said that is not fun. Howard said kids should be kept home. Robin asked where this kid is needed to go. Howard said he feels like crying sometimes. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Joe Walsh is the best part of a live Eagles show. Howard said he's never even seen one. Howard said he doesn't have a great voice but he does. He said he's not sure how to explain that. Fred said he thinks he does have a great voice. He said there aren't many people like him in this world. Robin said he's happy now even though he sobered up. Howard said Robin should marry him. Robin said ''Oh no.'' She said he'd have to go back to drinking.
Howard said there's this guy Robert Durst in the news and the Associated Press put out an article that Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit was arrested. Howard said they had him listed as the murderer. Howard read about the screw up and how they had to apologize for it. Howard asked how they got that wrong. Robin wondered how that happens.
Howard said maybe it's a goof. Gary said it's not. Howard asked if they really did that. Gary said there were several articles today and yesterday. Howard said no way. He said that Robert Durst is on TV and looks nothing like Fred Durst. Howard said he doesn't know how a reporter could make that mistake.
Gary asked if they trust the NY Post. Howard said he does. Gary said they reported that the AP had mis-reported the story. Howard said that's some story. He said it shows that people can't do their job anymore.
Howard asked if Robin wanted to do Brackets or hear Wolfie interviews from the Brady Bunch convention. Howard said he has that and some stuff from Chiller-Con. Howard said that he wants to hear the Brady Bunch stuff. He said he only has 4 clips. Howard played one where Wolfie asked a guy about which Brady he would like to be. The guy said he wanted to be Greg. He sang one of the songs they were known for on the show. Howard said there's another convention for the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Howard said that the CIA should go there to look over the people. Howard said this guy he would send to Mars. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a couple of guys about what they were wearing at the convention. They were dressed in some bizarre sounding outfits. One guy said he thinks his father would kill him if he saw him there.
Howard played more of the interviews from the Brady convention. Wolfie asked a guy about the show and Howard said he thinks he's jealous. He said you have to have a lot of free time to go to something like that. Howard had another clip of a guy talking about how sad it was that the guy who played the Brady dad was gay. That guy broke down crying talking about him and then Robin Williams. Howard said someone was talking to Sal and Sal used to dream about being in the Brady family. Howard said that's sad. Robin said they're all sad.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking if the guy had ever masturbated to Marcia Brady. The guy said maybe but he wouldn't commit to answering.
Howard said he has a phony phone call to play. He said Evil Dave was on eating potato chips while he waited to get on the air. He said he goes crazy for chips when he is on the show. Howard played some of that audio and then the prank call that Sal and Richard made to a painter as ''Ethel''. Howard stopped it for a second and asked when Richard is going to stop doing that voice. He said it's not essential to the call. Howard played more of the clip and Richard tells the guy that his dad is eating the paint chips. Richard asked him to talk to his dad who was eating the chips. They played the Evil Dave clip where he's eating his chips. The painter tells him not to eat that because it'll make you retarded. They played clips of Evil Dave saying the wrong words. Then they had him apologizing to the painter. Howard said that's how creative they are there.
Howard asked them to pick between the following couples. There were some differing opinions on some of them but in general they agreed. Here are a few of their picks:
Howard wasn't sure about Sour Shoes since he hasn't been calling in. Howard had Hanzi on the phone and Hanzi said ''Fuck you man''. Hanzi said that the World Star Hip Hop thing is what he wanted to talk to. Howard said he doesn't care about that. Howard asked Hanzi why he should be voted for over Sour Shoes. Hanzi said he shouldn't. Howard said okay then. Robin told Howard about how great Sour Shoes is and had him playing clips of the pranks they did to Steve Langford with Sour Shoes.
Howard said Sour is like The Joker. Robin said they have to play something of Hanzi's now. Fred said that Sal and Richard constructed that too. He said she's giving Shoes a lot more credit. Howard said Sal and Richard did make those calls. Gary said that he has about 10 voice mails from last night too. Hanzi said the first time he called the show he called Howard's agent. Howard said Hanzi isn't doing very well. Howard said he's not sure who to vote for. Gary asked who should break the vote. Howard said they have a tie so he'll have JD break it. Gary said JD loves to break ties. JD came in and said he's going with Sour Shoes because he's been there longer. He said Hanzi is in the newer crop. Howard said Hanzi is out then. Fred said that JD just ruined the bracket.
Gary said the one seed in the bracket is Eric and he may never beat Eric. Fred said this is a big error. Hanzi said ''fuck you man'' again as Howard was letting him go.
Howard got back to it. Here are a few more of their picks:
Howard played a prank call the guys had Mark the Bagger make to a muffler shop saying he stuck his dick in a tail pipe and it was stuck in there.
Howard asked how you don't love that guy. Robin said that was with assistance too. Robin said Ass Napkin Ed does great things too.
Howard had a few more picks. Here are the winners of those brackets:
After that they went to the next level of brackets. Here's what they voted on:
Howard had to play some clips of Fred and Bob to figure out which one to go with. They had to have a vote and they were split on it. They were split on the Wendy or Hank vote too. Howard took a call from a guy who wondered about Robin's love life. Howard said Robin is working up toward it. Howard said when she unloads they'll know about it. Robin said she's not even masturbating. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard said he has to have a conversation about that. He said that will be a very private conversation.
Howard played a Wendy the Slow Adult clip and voted on that one. Then they played a High Pitch impersonator (Matt Jacobs) clip that they had with the guy doing High pitch and Joey Boots voices. Howard said it has to be Eric. He played a prank call the guys had Eric make to a pharmacy asking about Twat Cream. Howard said that might be the best of all time. Here are a few more votes:
Howard got to the semi-finals so here are those votes:
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he takes ''homerage'' with him not putting him in the Wack Pack. He said that he is in it. Howard said that JD is upset with Bobo over this. Howard said he wants to let JD handle that. Bobo said he was a Wack Packer. Gary said he's a former Wack Packer. He's out of it now. Bobo sounded like he was okay with that. Howard said he has more clarity now that he's older.
Howard said that it is what it is. Howard took a call from Captain Janks who was bummed he wasn't in it either. Gary said he would have replaced him with the Leather Weather Lady. Gary said he's out. Janks said the Wack Pack was started with them. Howard said it's a compliment that he's left out.
Howard moved on to the final four. Here are their votes:
The guys were all arguing about which one to go with between Eric and Big Foot. They had a split vote again. Howard had JD come in to break the tie. JD came in and picked Eric the Actor.
The final bracket was Eric the Actor vs. Beetlejuice. Howard said this is for the greatest Wack Packer of all time. Howard had Fred playing a drum roll for a couple of minutes leading up to the reveal. Howard said that he has some clips to play for both of them. Howard played some Beetlejuice singing ''This is Beetle'' and then a clip of Eric the Actor talking to a phony Carrie Underwood. Howard cut that off early.
Howard said it's time to vote. Gary went with Beetlejuice. Howard asked Robin and she went with Beetlejuice too. Howard asked Fred who said he was going with Eric the Actor. Howard said if he goes with Eric then it's a tie. He said they'd have to bring in JD again. Howard said he's going with Beetlejuice though so he doesn't need that vote. Howard said he is the greatest Wack Packer of all time. Howard said Eric would have hated being involved in this. Howard said he had to take a break and then get to the news.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has respect for JD. He said a couple of things he said about the Kardashians was so right on. He said all they did was live on their daddy's fortune. Howard cut him off and thanked him for the call.
Howard had Beetlejuice on the phone to accept his award. Howard picked up and asked how he's doing. Beetle said he's just home chillin'. Howard asked where he is. Beet said he's in Georgia. Howard said he misses him. Howard asked if he's getting any pussy. Beet laughed and said ''Nah.'' He said he sometimes he's out. Howard said he's the man.
Howard asked if he expected to win. Beet said ''Oh yeah.'' Howard asked if he wanted to say thank you. Beet said he did and made a very short speech. Howard asked what he's bench pressing these days. Beet said about 10 pounds. Then he said he benches 125 and he weighs 126. Howard asked if he watches any TV. Beet said he watches some stuff. He didn't know what his favorite show was.
Howard asked how big his penis is. Beet said it's a little bigger. Howard asked if he ever banged Robin. Beet said only once. Howard said he had a guy on who banged a dolphin. He asked if he would ever do that. Beetle said ''Nah.''
Howard let Beetlejuice go a short time later. Howard told him to have a good day. Howard asked what he's doing later. Beet said he's going to lift some weights. Howard told him to take care. Beet said ''You're welcome.'' Howard said it sounds like he's going to have a fun day today.
Howard said they're still looking for black men with nice looking penises to enter their contest. Howard said entries must be in by tomorrow.
Robin said they are looking to refresh Fashion Police so the show won't return until September. Robin said they had Kathy Griffin on and she was talking about why she left. Robin said Kelly Osbourne also left. Robin said they are giving the show a rest until September.
Robin read a story about a way that they've come up with to stop people from urinating on the street. Robin said they have a paint that would reflect the pee back at the person who is peeing.
Howard read some email and said that people loved the Ronnie Movie game. Howard read a few comments about that. Howard said that Jesse Ventura got a lot of angry email. Howard said people were not happy with him. Howard said one guy did agree and said that he doesn't think that Chris Kyle is a hero. Howard said he likes Jesse and he will have him on the show though.
Robin read a story about the judges on X-Factor in New Zealand and how there are stars coming to the contestant's defense. Robin said the judges who went off on the contestant were fired from the show. Howard said that whole thing was kind of odd.
Robin said Madonna is always judged and observed. Robin said she put out a new album and people are commenting on how everyone is beating her.
Robin said that the show Empire has debuted at number 1 on the Billboard charts. Robin said that's what they're saying is ahead of Madonna's album. Howard said he's not just saying this because she was on. Howard said her album is fantastic. Howard said Madonna is a classic artist. He said they're not selling a lot of albums. Howard said even Taylor Swift isn't selling as many as she would have back in the 80s if she was around. Howard said that's why when you sell a record now a days it's on another level.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks Jesse Ventura was fair calling Chris Kyle the names he was calling him. Howard said not really. He said if Jesse is telling the truth about being maligned in his book then you can understand his anger. Howard said Jesse is a good guest on the show because he speaks his mind. Howard said Jesse might have a beef with the guy. Howard said at the end of the day he isn't wishy washy. Howard said he tells you what he thinks.
Howard asked the caller if he served. The caller said he was New York City Police. Howard thanked him for that service. He said that he has more kills than all of these guys. Howard was going to get into the Vietnam fairy tales but he stopped himself.
Robin said that the Secret Service is looking into death threats toward Caroline Kennedy. Robin said they could be tied to a blackmail scheme. Howard said the little girl saw her dad assassinated. Howard said he hopes they catch this fuck and give him the death penalty.
Robin read a story about Tony Danza being on Dr. Oz the other day. Robin said he was talking about the loss of his mother and how overwhelmed he was. Robin said he skied into a tree because of it. Robin said that his mother died 20 years ago. Robin had some audio of Tony crying on Dr. Oz's show. Howard said he loves his mother but he wouldn't be on that show crying over her. Howard said that guy really loves his mother. Robin said if it hurts that much now what was it like 20 years ago. Howard said he skied into a tree. Howard said that guy knows how to love. Howard asked if he's married. Robin said he's been married a couple of times.
Robin read a story about how kids who breast feed longer are more educated and achieve more wealth. Howard said just imagine how he'd do if his mother breast fed him. Howard said his mother didn't know. He said she didn't know what her tits were for. Howard said she tells him that they were told to use a bottle. Howard did his mother's voice and said he's so glad he didn't breast feed. Howard said he's not putting his mouth on his mom's tits. Robin said they say that kids who nursed for 12 months would score 4 points higher on an IQ test. Howard said Fred must have been breast fed. Fred said that his brother ruined that for him. He said he must have sucked so much that she didn't have enough for him. Fred said he's stupid as a result. Howard said some women keep going until the kid is 3 or 4. Howard said that's bizarre. Howard said it's embarrassing. Howard said you can breast feed for a year and 3 months and no more. Robin said that's 15 months. Howard said he thinks that's fair.
Robin read a story about some things that have been going on with the Secret Service. Robin said they still have some problems. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announcing the next group of inductees. Robin said they include Paul McCartney introducing Ringo Starr. Robin said Bill Withers, Lou Reed, Green Day, Stevie Ray Vaughn and The Butterfield Band are being inducted. Howard said he doesn't get why Cheap Trick and the Moody Blues aren't in yet. Howard told Fred to play some Cheap Trick ''If You Want My Love''. Fred tried to find it while Howard was singing it to him. Fred eventually found the song and played it. Howard asked if you'd rather hear that or the Paul Butterfield Blues Band performing at the hall of fame show. Howard said he wants to hear this. Howard said what they're doing over there is insane. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with that hall of fame. Howard had Fred play more Cheap Trick. He played ''I Want You to Want Me''. Howard said they should be honored. Robin read about some of the people who will be performing this year. Robin said they will have some surprises as well. Robin said it will air on May 30th on HBO.
Robin read a story about Robert Durst being in a hospital. Robin said he has to go to Los Angeles to face murder charges. Robin said he's in a mental facility. Robin said they say he's worth $65 million.
Robin read a story about a US Air Force veteran who is charged with trying to join ISIS. Howard said that's something. He wondered who these people are who want to join. Robin said that he was trying to get there and they turned him back in Turkey. Robin said he will plead not guilty. Robin said he was fired from his job as an airplane mechanic and went to try to join ISIS. Robin said they say that if he was martyred then he'd have a huge estate in heaven. Robin said she's not sure why they think they get land and virgins in heaven. Howard said it sounds like a frat party heaven.
Robin read a story about a teacher who called a student a rag head who is going back to teach. Robin said she is a French teacher. Robin said the parents of the student want the teacher fired. Howard said you have to know on some level that you don't say that kind of stuff. Howard said you have to be a little wacky to say that.
Robin asked where Howard stands on firing squads. Howard said he's for them. Robin said she's not. She said just put people to sleep. Howard asked if they do things really bad. Robin said the Boston Bomber should have bad things done to him but not these other people. Howard said he'd be for feeding that guy to wild dogs. Robin said she'd like him tied to 4 horses who run off in 4 directions. Robin read a story about a bill that could be signed into law that would include firing squads. Robin said the drugs for lethal injection are in short supply right now.
Robin said Kraft is recalling hundreds of thousands of boxes of their Macaroni and Cheese. Robin said they may have metal shavings in them. Howard wondered how that happens. Robin said it must be an oversight. Howard asked if it's sabotage. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard asked JD if he eats that stuff. JD said he gets it from down the street but he's not sure if it's Kraft. JD said it takes too much effort to make. Howard asked if it really is. Gary said you don't even have to do that. He said you just throw it in the microwave. Howard asked JD what he eats. JD said he gets Turkey Wraps and things at the grocery store. Howard asked if he's still seeing that girl. JD said he is. Robin asked that they eat when they go out. JD said she cooks a lot when they stay in. Howard said the guys just told him that JD makes a lot of stuffing. Howard said he thinks if they just put a camera in his apartment they could get a million subscribers. JD said he doesn't want that. Howard asked if he has roaches in his apartment. JD said no. Howard asked if he got rid of the mice. JD said he moved so he doesn't have mice. Howard asked why he gets so upset when they say he eats stuffing. JD said he doesn't eat it every day or ever week. He said he can't remember the last time he had it.
Robin read a story about Dolce and Gabanna having problems with some employees leaving after their comments about same sex couples who have children. Howard said they are a couple of whackos. Howard said they are dummies. Howard said they have a real business and they are paid to make clothing. Howard said if they're asked a question they should just ask if they want to hear about their latest fashions. Howard said if you run a business you can think all you want but just keep your mouth shut. Howard said they just don't get it.
Robin read a story about Paris Hilton's brother pleading guilty for assaulting some flight attendants on a flight. Robin wrapped up after that. Howard ended the show around 11:10am..
Jon asked if it's hard to hear the clips of Sam. Ralphie said he loves that they talk about Sam. He said that they talk about him with so much love too. He said he gets emotional about that. He also gets emotional about the bulldog. He said Howard has cost him like 45 grand in donations to dog funds and things. He said that he had to donate to the North Shore Animal League after hearing about something Howard mentioned. He said that it's just overwhelming. He said Howard does so many great things and he's such a good guy but he gets so much shit. Ralphie said he can get so much good advice just listening to the show for free. He said he'd have to pay people for advice like that.
Ralphie said Howard took a shit AM show and built it into this huge thing and that's incredible. He said Howard is the tent pole that's holding this whole thing up. He said he must be job security for 5,000 people in that building alone. Jon said he'd have to agree with him there since he's one of those people.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. After that Jon said that they also have a poll up asking who the fans think is the greatest Wack Packer of all time. Jon said they'll have the results at the end of the show.
Jon asked Ralphie who he thinks is the best. Ralphie said he thinks Eric the Actor. He said that he loves people who are searching for their dignity and they can't get it. He said that's what Eric was always trying to get. He said he wasn't dumb but he was a mean little fuck of a man. He said Beetlejuice's responses are hilariously classic. He said he loved that he said he can bench 125 and he only weighs 126 pounds. He said he was dying when he heard that. Jon asked who he's going to pick then. Ralphie stuck with Eric.
Jon asked if he thinks Eric would have gotten that much support in there if he hadn't died. Ralphie said he thinks that he's surprised he didn't get it because he died. Jon said he sees the callers are all over the place with this. He said they'll get to that and more after a break.
Jon said that he mentioned Hanzi and Ralphie had something to say about that. Ralphie said Hanzi won't shut up with his rants. He said that he's nuts. He said the guy is a bone job. He said he's out of his mind. Jon asked if Howard should give him Wrestlemania tickets. Ralphie said only if he has someone go with him who he hates. He said someone like JD.
Jon asked Ralphie about what he says on twitter. Ralphie said he talks about being Pakistani and how he's going to go crazy on someone. He said he brings the race part into the whole thing. Ralphie said he thinks he's the only one that violence might come from. He said everyone else isn't going to be violent. He said he thinks Hanzi is legit nuts. Jon said he thinks that he is crazy but he's taking a leap saying he'd be violent. Ralphie said he trusts him if he says he's going to be violent. He said he'll be the non violent one sitting there while Hanzi gets violent.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Beetlejuice is the winner because of the things he does. He said he was with Eric until Howard mentioned Beet. The caller also said he won't rest until Jon agrees with him on this. He said Robin cuts Howard off so many times when he's on a role. He said she jumps in and he can tell Howard gets annoyed by it. He said Howard has had 30 years with that shit and he just deals with it. He said he knows Jon wants to agree with him but he can't because Robin is listening. Jon said sometimes she does jump in but she's not the only one guilty of that. Jon said that's their pattern. The caller said he must be in the back sometimes and hears that going on and it must piss him off. The caller said he wants to yell at Robin to shut the fuck up at times. Jon said that makes it more entertaining. Ralphie said he thinks the guy is hilarious. He said it's so funny. Jon said he's crying laughing with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's sad that Wendy didn't advance as far as she should have. He said that the funniest thing he ever heard was Wendy trying to get to the bathroom and falling in her own doody. He said that was the funniest thing he's ever heard. Jon said that she was up against some tough competition. He said he thinks her seeding hurt her. Ralphie was cracking up hearing him describe that. Ralphie said they're all going to hell for laughing at the woman who shit herself.
Jon asked Ralphie if Wendy was underrated. Ralphie was still cracking up and saying he feels like such an asshole saying that shitting yourself does hold some merit. Jon said the biggest thing was with Sour Shoes. He said he is a Wack Packer. Jon said he might be one of the most talented. Ralphie said he might be. He said he is a talented mimic. He said he's only heard one better and the kid is autistic. He asked if Sour is in that spectrum. Jon said he's glad he brought that up. Jon Leiberman was in there and he asked him if he is in there. Leiberman said that he is in the ball park of that. Ralphie said Sour Shoes has an uncanny ear. He said he wishes someone would pay him out the ass and use him.
Jon said Sour is a sweetheart of a guy. He said he's a really nice guy. Ralphie said he's never met anyone who is autistic and is an asshole. They had to take a break after that.
Gary said he thinks they got it right with Beetlejuice. Gary said they talk about the Mt. Rushmore of the Wack Pack and Beet is the first one mentioned. He said that his is a no brainier.
Jon said he wants to talk about their guest who called in this morning to talk about making love to a dolphin. Jon said he didn't think it could be for real but the more they heard the more he believed. Gary said they were talking to someone about something very irrational but he was talking about it in a rational way. Gary said that Howard asked if he ever thought about marrying one and he asked ''Why would I ever do that'' like it was a crazy question.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that the greatest Wack Packer is Eric the Midget. He said the greatest living one is Hanzi. Gary asked about the dolphin guy. The caller said that he thinks he belongs in the Wack Pack. He said he wonders how sex is even possible with a dolphin. Gary said if he was going to have sex with a dolphin he thinks he would use some kind of protection. He said if you put your penis in a animal then you're going into a health hazard. Jon said that he was talking about having sex with a dog that's in heat.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they forget about Eric the Actors' ''Derek from Texas.'' Gary said he loves when he put the hit out on that guy with Johnny.
Jon said they have Embedded running all this week. He asked Jon about the feedback he's getting about that. Leiberman said he thinks they have some good revelations in the special. Jon said there are new episodes every day this week. Jon said you can listen on demand whenever you want.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his day would be fucked if he didn't have their show. He said they are unbelievable with what they come up with. He said Beetlejuice is the man without question. He said all of the Wack Packers are out of their minds. He said Eric was great too but Beetlejuice is not a normal person. He said Eric was kind of normal except for all of the fucked up stuff he had to deal with. He said Big Foot is another one. He said he's with a transvestite. Jon said Beetlejuice is one of a kind. Gary said some people fall off the map but Beetlejuice shot to stardom and hasn't had any lulls. He said he's bee up there at the top all this time.
Ralphie said he loves listening to Beet. He said he's a little pimp. He said that's how he rolls. Ralphie said he has his focus and he sticks to it. He said he's like a little black Rick Flair.
Jon said Bobo asked that question today about whose party Howard would rather go to, Gary or Fred's and Howard picked Gary. Gary said Howard sees you the way he saw you the first time. He said he thinks Howard still sees him as the hayseed from rural Connecticut. Jon said he thinks he's right. He said Howard still sees Gary as Boy Gary.
Jon asked Leiberman what the poll results are. Leiberman said that 43 percent say Eric the Actor and 56 percent say Beetlejuice is the winner of the Wack Packer contest.
Jon wrapped up the show after plugging today's Sternthology and giving Ralphie May some plugs. They ended the show around 11:50am.
Jon said this was Gary's birthday week. He said Gary said that he feels old now. Jon asked if people remember. Gary said that Facebook helps with that. He said Carol Leifer wrote him a note saying that his birthday fell on a Saturday so that doesn't help. He said 54 isn't a big deal birthday either. He said Benjy wished him a happy birthday and Benjy asked if he was impressed. Gary said 181 friends of his wished him a happy birthday but if it wasn't on Facebook he's sure it wouldn't have been a 10th of that.
Jon asked if he's surprised that Robin didn't wish him a happy birthday. Gary said not at all. He said that's the way it's supposed to go. Gary said it's very hard to get in touch with Robin too. He said he had to call her last week about the Madonna thing. He said one time she came to work that they weren't there. He said she was mad at herself for not knowing though. Jon said there isn't an easy way to know if they're reading your email. Gary said they have to follow up on all of the email they send to Robin. They went to break after that.
Jon said Kathy Griffin was in this week and she was talking about leaving Fashion Police and the show is the biggest news right now. Iliza said the people who do those jobs are one chromosome from being a mannequin. She said having that job you have to bring personality to. She said that Giuliana Rancic just read what she had to read. Then she apologized for it. Gary asked if she thinks the joke was racist. Iliza said she doesn't think it is. She said that she was talking about someone with dreadlocks and she doesn't think of black people when she hears that. She said that Kelly Osbourne has a career because her father had a career. She said that she's considered a fashion expert based on what? Jon said that she left and then Kathy left. Jon said she revealed that Lena Dunham helped her write her statement and asked for support from her friends. Jon said he thought it was kind of weird that she did that with email. Gary said she explained that and she thought that she was going to get shit on by a lot of guys.
Iliza said she doesn't think that show is about faces or bodies. She said it's about fashion. She said to take it seriously is your own fault.
Jon said Kathy was also stepping into Joan Rivers' shoes and that's tough. Iliza said the problem with Giuliana Rancic is that she's not a comedian. She said she dished it out and then took it back. She said people will get over it, it's a fashion show.
Gary asked what Iliza has had people yell at her while doing stand up. Iliza said there are people who have yelled out ''Jew'' and yelling out other stuff. She said that guy came back and said some anti-Semitic rants toward her back there in her dressing room. She said that it was scary to know that it's alive and well. Iliza said she has thrown things at hecklers before. Gary said he would have brought the guy up on the stage and let him give his rant against the Jews. Iliza said she would have but she didn't know he was saying ''Jew'' until the end. She thought he was mumbling something.
Jon said Kathy Griffin said she wants to hang out with Howard. He asked if she knows that will never happen. Gary said he's kind of guilty of cock blocking that relationship. Gary said she told a story on the show years ago. He said Kathy invited Howard to her house and he told Howard he was out of his mind if he went there. Gary said he warned him that she would go put that stuff in her act if he went. Gary said Howard didn't go. He said he loves Kathy and she thinks she knows where the line is but there is zero tolerance with him. Iliza said that's interesting because he asks people such personal questions. Gary said Kathy doesn't realized it's better off if she doesn't go. He said if she fucks it up then she's done with them forever.
Jon played a clip from an old show where Howard was talking to Kathy about a face lift and other things. Jon said he loves how she just rolls with the punches. Gary said he has to comment on something she said in the beginning. He said she was talking about the face lift and how they remove your ears. Gary said that's not true but Robin had her boobs reduced and she said they removed the nipples and moved them. Iliza said if she was joking it wasn't much of a joke.
Jon said the other thing that Kathy does is take nude photos and she doesn't deny the surgeries she's had. Gary said he went to Google and searched for her nude photos. He said that there was one that was photoshopped that was really graphic. Gary said he showed her that after the show and she laughed her ass off.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he listened to the Ronnie Mund segment and it cracks him up every time. He said it's disgusting at the same time. Jon said they know what he's saying. Jon said Ronnie is in his mid-60s. Jon said the best way to describe him is by reading the poll questions. He read the list of movie descriptions to Iliza and she asked if they can name some that were made in the past 30 years. Most of the descriptions weren't even close to being what happened in the movies.
Jon said the universal common there is the ''pussy'' in each description. Jon asked if he's obsessed. Iliza said she would just say he's doing his job as a dude.
Gary asked what they thought of Dr. Drew's assessment of him. Gary said Drew said he might be trying to grab on to youth. Gary said the other thing is that Ronnie is 65 and his girlfriend just turned 30. Iliza said he's a dirty old man with access to a vehicle. Jon said you don't have to look very deep to find all of that. Iliza said he wears his dick on his sleeve.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman if he thinks Drew was on to something there. Leiberman said he thinks that he was on to something there. He said Ronnie is trying to keep that whole thing going with Ronnie from 30 years ago.
Gary said Ronnie and his wife came to his house once and that was a different Ronnie. He said then he got divorced and he changed. He said in the last 10 years he's become progressively nuttier. Iliza said she doesn't know this person but she thinks men are so willing to procreate is because you want to live forever. She said he sounds like a total perv.
Gary said that Joan Rivers did Howard's birthday show last year. He said she got a joke that got booed and she just said 'Fuck you I'm 80'' and that was the way she dealt with things.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked them to put an evolution of Ronnie special. He said that he would like to hear past shows when Ronnie was on. Gary said they get a lot of suggestions for the channel and it's stuff they've thought of. He said he thinks this is an excellent idea. He said he can't even remember who that Ronnie was. Jon said that is something they would love to hear. Jon thanked Iliza for dropping by and let her go after that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Jesse Ventura called in this week. Jon said that there has been a lot of talk about what a hero is. Jon said Jesse doesn't think Chris Kyle is one but Howard says he thinks he is and so is Jesse because he defended the country. Gary said some people think he was just doing his job but if you go above and beyond then you are a hero. Gary said that's a heroic thing. Jon said he thinks anyone who puts their life in harm's way to defend this country is a hero.
Gary said the Army says that they are looking for someone who is willing to kill someone else. He said they don't say you need to have a good conscience. Jon said he is a sniper and he's told to do a job. He said he's there to serve at the command of the president.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to ask a quick question. He said he knows Howard, Robin, Gary and Jackie have had parties. He asked if Fred has ever had a party. Gary said yes. He said he had two birthday parties. The caller asked if he ever just has a get together. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he has had Robin and Howard and those guys to his house. He said he hasn't done an enormous staff party. He said he has smaller staff parties with groups from the show. Jon said Howard has done that kind of thing too. He said that he has had people out to his house too.
Gary said that if you go with Fred you have to ask about Sal, Richard and those guys. Jon asked if he would go if Benjy had a party. Gary said he would go with a camera crew. He said he would go just to see what kind of food he has and how he got it there.
Jon said Gary does recon the day before to figure out what Howard might pick up on so he can clear that up. Gary said he had a party about 15 years ago and he did a lot of recon. He said it didn't matter because Stuttering John took notes from around the house. Gary said he thought he had taken down everything goofable but he was wrong.
Jon said Jon Leiberman has the results of the poll. Leiberman read about the winner which was ''A chick who fingers herself in a police station (Basic Instinct)'' had 17 percent of the vote. ''A guy who shoots a guy and goes to Italy for some pussy (Godfather)'' had 24 percent. Coming in with 29 percent was ''A guy who goes to jail and breaks out and then fucks some pussy (Shawshank Redemption)''. Then the winner was ''A guy who goes swimming and fucks a mom (The Graduate)'' with just 1 percent more at 30 percent.
Jon thanked him for those results. Jon got in a plug for Sternthology. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:40am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's replays. Jon said they have a poll up asking what you would want your last meal on earth to be. Jon said they had a list of their picks from Jason, Jon Hein, Richard Christy, Sal Governale and Ronnie. Those included the following:
Jon asked Jerry about the Wack Pack Bracket they did this week where Beetlejuice won. Jerry said he would have said Eric the Actor. He said he thinks he just deserves it. He said Howard likes him... then he said Beetle really is funny. Jon said he doesn't think Eric would have gotten that much love if he hadn't died. Jerry said he didn't want to say that but he agrees. Jon said Gary agrees too. Gary said he wonders if Eric would be politicking to be the winner or not be put in the contest at all.
Jon said the final four they picked were Eric the Actor, Big Foot, High Pitch Eric and Beetlejuice. Jon said Gary had Sour Shoes in his final four. Gary said he did. He said he had Big Foot going against Beetlejuice in the final 2. He said there is no way to beat Beetlejuice. Jon said he is one of a kind.
Jerry said Sour Shoes is very talented but he can be very annoying too. Gary said he can. He said that's a reason to vote yes for one of these guys.
Jon asked about Captain Janks and Melrose Larry Green calling in and asking to be included. Jerry said that gets you kicked out. He said you can't politic for it. He said it has to naturally happen. Gary said the story about Beetlejuice is so great. He said someone brought in a group of little people they were renting out for parties and one guy was dressed like a leprechaun. He said Beet was an extra and Howard went right to him when he saw him. Jerry said he's very good friends with Jerry O'Connell and his mom was Beet's teacher. Gary said she knows him as Lester Green. Jon said Jerry O is a big fan of the show too. Jerry said Jerry is in the city. He said that they go by black Jerry and white Jerry. He said he knows that's what people are thinking.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have any idea what job Howard was offered. Gary said he has no idea. Gary said someone was speculating it was Jon Stewart's show but he doesn't think that's it at all. Jon said he's thinking a game show. He said at AGT he has to work hard at it. Gary said he thinks everyone looked at Drew Carey like he was nuts for wanting to do The Price is Right. Now that's all he does pretty much.
Jerry said he thinks if Howard took Jon Stewart's spot that could be it. Gary said he doesn't think that would be his dream job. He said that would be work for him. Jon said he thinks maybe a straight interview show and just one hour. He said that would be work but a lot less. Gary said he thinks the job exists already and he'd just be taking it. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Jon asked Jerry about wanting to go up against Pastor Manning in a preach off. Jerry said he would like to do that. That led to Jerry doing his impression of Pastor Manning a little bit. They played one of Pastor Manning's ''Obama'' clips too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Underdog Lady is the best Wack Packer of all time. He said that the other Wack Packers are willingly on the show. He said Underdog Lady has to be approached like gorillas in the mist. He said she doesn't want to be on the show. Jon said he thinks that makes her one of the best. Gary said there are no rules for the Wack Packers. He said the handful of times she's been on were great but she doesn't have a body of work. Jon said she has all it takes to be a Wack Packer.
Jon asked Jerry what makes him decide on which one is best. Jerry said they're all different. He said for him it's about how much he laughs. He said he has had so many laughs with Beetlejuice though. He said that's what it is for him. Jerry said the voice has a lot to do with it too.
Gary said when he did the bracket before he thought about what they've done and how it's all very visceral. He said what you think right away is what it is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a job where he got to listen to them every day. He said he changed jobs and he can't listen now. Now he's back. Jon asked him which Wack Packer was his favorite. The caller said it was Eric the Actor. He said it's sad that he's gone. Jon said if they ran it again they may not get the same winner. Gary said he thinks they would. He said he never got that whole thing with Eric. Gary said he was one of the guys who got his fill of him too much but he never gets that with Beetlejuice.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a Beetlejuice fan. He said some of the guys are wacky with or without the show. He said some people like Eric the Actor leach off of the show and use the show. He said they wouldn't be anywhere without Howard. He said that puts people like Beetle up a step.
Jerry said he has met High Pitch Eric outside of the show. Jerry said he met him on the set of Beer League. He said that's him and he's not putting anything on. He said he realized that he should not trust the guy. Gary told Jerry about the guy that Eric conned at the restaurant. Jon said he does have some cunning.
Jon asked if Jerry has met anyone else. Jerry said he met Melrose Larry Green. He said he would come to his shows all the time. He said he also met JD. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that the AGT schedule is already hell. He asked if Howard regrets signing on with it again. Gary said he thinks he does. Jon asked if Gary feels like he's going to pay the price for that. Gary said he likes it because it gives Howard different people to focus his anger on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jon some Michigan school questions and goofed on him about his team. The caller also asked how Hanzi and Sour Shoes ended up battling so early. Jon said that's the way any tournament goes. He said it's some tough match ups in the first round. He said Fred made a good argument for Hanzi but it didn't work. Gary said Hanzi isn't a 1 seed but maybe a 2 seed. He got knocked out early when he went up against Sour Shoes. Gary said he likes Sour Shoes so he went far for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Eric the Midget was more of a caller and Beetlejuice is a guest. He said Eric is like one of us but incredibly wacky. Gary said the thing is that he was nothing like any of us. The caller said that he was just a caller. Gary said he doesn't think that matters. He said it doesn't make a difference on how important you are to the show.
The caller said he got douche chills about Ralph calling in the day after Sam Simon's death was announced and he didn't even mention it. Jon said they just didn't talk about it. Jon said that's Ralph's private business maybe.
Jon took a call from a guy who said about 10 years ago he was trying to get a homeless techno dancer on the show for him and he wore a shirt on the show for him. He said he didn't pay him in cash to do that. He said he ended up buying pizza for him but Eric got a hold of his credit card number somehow. He said that he got a bunch of charges on his card because of that. He said he and his friend fooled him into thinking they were the fraud department from his bank. He said Eric was really scared by that. He said Eric did pay him back in small payments. He said he thought that was a story they'd like to know since he is known for ripping people off. Jon said people seem to think they can work Eric but Eric works them right back.
Jon said they have the poll results. Jon Leiberman was in with those results. Leiberman said they have the results and they had 1 percent with Carrabba's Chicken Brian like Richard Christy. Coming in next was Cheeseburger, steak and Sushi like Jason Kaplan with 15 percent of the votes. Then it was Homemade Lasagna like Sal Governale with 20 percent. Then it was A hot chick with a hairy, squirting pussy like Ronnie the Limo Driver with 24 percent of the votes. Jon Hein's Peter Luger steak Nathan's fries and Dairy Queen Oreo Blizzard came in first with 40 percent of the votes.
Jon asked Leiberman about what he has coming up. Leiberman said they will be doing an Embedded with High Pitch Eric and some of the revelations in that are shocking.
Jon gave Jerry some plugs and Jerry said that he just heard that they're going to air the final four episodes of Brickleberry next month. Jon got in a couple more plugs for Sternthology and things like that before ending the show. They were done around 11:50am.