|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
|Please help support MarksFriggin.com by using these sites:|
(Sirius, XM merch and more)
(Just about everything)
Playboy Cyber Club
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about how he was sick of getting tweets asking when he was coming back. He said they're back now. He said he does this every summer. He said they take most of their vacation days in the summer. He said he's working on America's Got Talent and they take some days off for that. Howard said they're almost back full time in a couple of weeks. Howard said that it's weird too because he was at Joan Rivers' funeral yesterday. He said she promised not to die on the weekend but she did. He said she actually died during the week but her funeral was on the weekend.
Howard played a clip from the show where Joan was talking about David Brenner's death and how she wasn't going to do that to Howard. Howard told Joan that it ruined his weekend when Brenner died.
Robin said she thought that it happened on Saturday. Howard said that they don't bury Jews on a Saturday because it's the Sabbath. Robin said the weekend is sacred.
Howard said they lost a friend of the show. He said he met Joan in 1983 when he was at WNBC. He said things weren't going well there. Howard said they were there and Joan walked in and they had absolutely no luck with guests back then. He said they were the pariahs and scumbags of show business at the time. Howard said Soupy Sales and some guys from the Uncle Floyd show were the only guests they had. Howard said then Joan came on and she was very embracing of what they were doing. Howard said she was a great cheerleader of his and they were of her too. Howard said that she had some difficulties with FOX and Johnny Carson. Howard said they were always there for her. Howard said Gary would tell him that she wanted to come in and he'd just tell him to book her. Howard said she knows how to be funny. Howard said she knew how to do that dance on the radio with him.
Robin said Joan did a dance that was new to her. Robin said most of the TV shows were the same thing. She said she came on the show and she was able to mix it up with Howard.
Howard said Joan knew when she was boring people and she knew how to move on. Howard said it was such a skill and a talent. Howard said he's not sure that's even something you can develop. Robin said she could be real too. She said she didn't have to be the funny lady or stick to a shtick. Robin said she did get real when they talked to her about Edgar dying.
Howard said losing Joan was such a shock. Howard said she was 81 but it didn't seem like it was her time. He said she seemed very young. Howard said they saw her at the end of July and she was at the top of her game. Howard said she was wonderful to him. Howard said she had him to her home and it meant a lot to him. He said she was one of the most famous people in the world and she had him to her house. Howard said it made him feel like he was part of show business. Howard said she was lovely to be around. Howard said he's really rocked by her death. He said it was an upsetting time. Howard said being at her funeral was remarkable. He said it was a beautiful temple and he's never seen anything like it. Howard said just sitting in there makes you reflective.
Howard said he got to the funeral early. He said he got a call from Melissa if he'd speak. Howard said he told her she was asking the wrong guy. He said he'd do it but he thought someone else might be better. He said Melissa insisted so he agreed to do it. Howard said he was out in the Hamptons and he had to drive home to think about Joan to come up with this eulogy. Howard said what Melissa managed to do was put together a send off that was second to none.
Howard said he was in touch with Louis C.K. and he told him that she deserved a good send off. Howard said he said that she was like an aunt or a best friend that could make everything better. Howard said even in times like 9/11 or when things were bad she could crack a joke and make people laugh. Howard said she made you feel like you weren't alone. Howard said it made you feel better knowing she was making a joke about it. Howard said she because like an aunt who serves tea in your living room and snaps you out of your depression. Howard said Louis said that the loneliness and unhappiness of life can be eased by a great comedian. Howard said that's what great comedians do. Howard said they have a way of snapping you out of a sadness or loneliness. Howard said Joan made it look easy.
Howard said Joan was a pioneer. He said she had parents who disapproved of her going into the business. Howard said she wasn't going to be sidetracked being a doctor like they wanted her to be. Howard said she had to fight against them. He said she was a scrappy woman and she would fight against so many things. Howard said Johnny Carson embraced her but then threw her out. Howard said she was broke and black listed. Howard said he thinks that's why she liked him so much. Howard said even at her lowest point he still had her on the show. Howard said she wasn't able to get on the late night shows at all. Howard said she wasn't an old fart and you didn't tune out when she was on. Howard said there are so few comedians who still have it at that age. Howard said she still had work to do. Howard said she was 81 and she was still able to be funny and current. He said she always reinvented herself. Howard said she was on QVC and she did the red carpet thing. He said she really reinvented that red carpet thing. Howard said she put the TV Guide channel on the map. Howard said she made it fun to be on the red carpet. Howard said that she was an innovator.
Howard said he got a note from Fran Shea from the E! network. He said she wrote to thank him for being there at the start of the network. He said the other person she really appreciated was Joan Rivers for helping put them on the map. Howard said Joan was someone who constantly reinvented herself. Howard said after the Johnny Carson thing she did it. Howard said Joan was the biggest thing in the country when she'd fill in for Johnny Carson. Howard said if she was guest hosting they'd announce it in the paper. Howard said you'd have to stay up to watch her on the show. Howard said it was so profound that people wanted to know what she was wearing that night. Howard said people wanted to hear her jokes. Howard said it was real news making stuff. He said she was the hottest thing. He said to get her stamp of approval was a big thing.
Howard said Joan went off to do her own thing on FOX and they abandoned her. Howard said there was a whole blow out with them and Barry Diller. Howard said Joan had to get out of there. Howard said then she hit rock bottom. Howard said her husband blamed himself for the failure of her show and he killed himself. Howard said that she chose to stick with her husband when Barry Diller made her choose. Howard said that she hit rock bottom after that. Robin said she wasn't able to work. She said that the bookings dried up.
Howard said he thinks that Melissa thought of them because of that. Howard said that Joan was a hero of his. He said she was somebody he admired. Howard said he always had her on. He said the last time she was on she was so fantastic. Robin said it was one of her great appearances. Howard said she got all kinds of accolades after that appearance. Howard said it never occurred to him that it would be their last. Robin said you'd expect to see her skip a step before she passed. She said you'd never think it.
Howard said Joan went in and had a throat operation. He said her voice was hurting her and she went in for this operation. Now she's gone. Howard said it's hard to think of a world without Joan in it. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel said it was a loss for the world. He said it's an even bigger loss for QVC. Howard said he mentioned that in the eulogy yesterday.
Robin said she saw so many of the QVC hosts in the vestibule and she wondered who was left over there. Howard said he knew Robin and Gary were going to the funeral. He said he wasn't sure what it was going to be. Howard said Joan said she didn't want anything big. Howard said Melissa did something remarkable for her mother. He said it was very moving.
Howard said he got to the funeral early. He said Melissa wanted to talk to everyone about when they were going on. Howard said he got up early and put on his black suit. Howard said he got there around 10 o'clock and no one told him anything. Howard said they had a seat for him in the front. He said there was no meeting. He said he didn't think that seemed right. Howard said the temple had a green room so he went back there and talked to Melissa and her son who was taking it so hard. Howard said Melissa was telling him how close Cooper and Joan were. Howard said the boy had his head on his mom's shoulder and he was so upset. Robin said she was going to go out with Joan once but then she remembered she had plans with Cooper and she had to cancel. She said she didn't even think twice about that.
Howard said Melissa had her mom moved to a private room and they dressed her up and had her dogs in the room with her. Howard said they were trying to get her back and they had all of her close friends there for her. Howard said they said their goodbyes to her. Howard said that they did that the way Joan would have liked it. Howard said that some people were talking about how Joan had full hair and make up going no matter where she was. Howard said she would be meticulously dressed too. Howard said it was remarkable. Howard said Joan had people flown in no matter what she was doing.
Howard said Joan was very fancy. He said when they went to her home it was like you were in the home of a WASP and not a Jew. Howard said that she would serve finger sandwiches and things. Howard said she lived like royalty.
Howard said he asked Melissa if he could say something about her mom's vagina and she was fine with it. Robin said it cut the tension in the room. She said it just went right away. Howard said he wanted to do the right send off for Joan. Howard said it was a beautiful thing. Howard said they had the gay men's chorus up there. Howard said he thought they were rabbinical students. Howard said he wondered how many rabbis were there. Howard said the thought they were going to be there for months with each one speaking. Howard said those guys got up and did some songs. Robin said they ended with 'Nothing like a Dame'' and it was great.
Howard said that he's glad the rabbi didn't talk about Joan's dry vagina. Howard said that was his material. He said he was talking about how her vagina was so dry that it would suck all of the water out of the bath tub. Howard said that she also said once that if Whitney Houston had her vagina she wouldn't have drowned in that bath tub. Howard said he was showing that Joan had a fast mind and she always had a line. Howard said she was very quick. Howard said if there is a heaven then she has a wet vagina now.
Howard said the rabbi spoke and he kept it short. Howard said he was great and then a woman named Audra McDonald spoke. Howard said he's never heard of her. Robin said she's a big Broadway star. Howard said he turned to his wife and told her that she's good and she should be on Broadway. He had no idea she was already.
Howard said he's glad the Gay Men's chorus didn't get sick when he spoke about vagina. Howard said they were laughing. Howard said it was good that he got the crowd laughing. Robin said everyone smiled and laughed and it was like relief. Robin said they knew it was going to be a Joan event.
Howard said Melissa didn't put him on the list of people who were going to speak. Howard said someone came up to him before the service and wondered who was going to be funny. Everyone was funny though. Howard said Deborah Norville spoke after him. He said she and Joan were very close and went back a long way.
Howard said Joan's accountant got up and spoke. He said that guy was great too. Howard said that he talked about being through thick and thin with Joan. Howard said she had no money at some point. Howard said the guy talked about how he had to tell her not to buy anything. Howard said she could care less and she kept going. Howard said she was always good with people. Robin said she had to have everything first class.
Howard said that Margie Stern spoke and she was Joan's best friend. Howard said that Cindy Adams spoke too. Howard said that he told Cindy that Joan would be so pissed knowing she out lived her. Howard said that Cindy laughed about that.
Howard said the most emotional moment he's ever seen in his life was Hugh Jackman getting up and starting to sing. Howard said he was singing slowly. He said the song was ''Quiet Please There's a Lady On Stage.'' Howard said he got up and made everyone clap their hands. He said he was so moved that he had tears. Howard said he's a big scumbag and he's never moved. Howard said he appreciated this guy so much. Howard said it was Wolverine singing. Howard said that he would have been very satisfied if he had the things sticking out of his hands and back.
Howard said Melissa had the NYPD do a bagpipe procession. Howard said they were performing Amazing Grace and he was crying like a baby. Howard said he was thinking about Joan and all of the appearances she made on the show. Howard said the one main memory he had was about Joan coming in the last time. He said her walk coming in was a bounce. He said it wasn't the walk of an 81 year old woman. Howard said she had this walk and she would kind of bounce in on her heels. Howard said he could see that over and over again. Howard said he could play that memory over and over in his head. Howard said the bag pipes were going and then the leader of the procession yelled something out. Howard said then they started playing ''New York, New York'' and they walk down the middle aisle. Howard said they went outside and they had people lining the streets. Howard said it was so sad knowing that they'd never see Joan again. Howard said she was a part of the show for so many years.
Howard said that Gary came to him and said they never turned down a Joan Rivers appearance. Gary said she always had something going on in her life when she'd be on the show. He said they always had something to talk to her about. Howard said she always reinvented herself.
Howard played some clips from the show where Joan talked about things like Robert Mitchum hitting on her. Howard said he wanted to talk about some of that stuff in his eulogy. She also gave Howard some advice about not holding a grudge and make up now before it's too late. Joan also talked about how she doesn't believe in an after life but she does believe in reincarnation.
Howard said he had a whole thing written about her the last time she was on. Howard said she was coughing on the show and he said it sounded like she was dying. Howard said Joan told them that she would die on the show but she wanted them to put her book over her face. Howard said he must have lost a page up there and he forgot to bring that up. Howard said he was going to announce that her book shot to number 2. He said he was going to say it was a publicity stunt for the book. Howard said he lost that page though so he didn't get it out there. Howard said he remembered it a couple of hours later.
Howard played the clip where Howard and Robin talked to Joan about dying on the show and the book being placed over her face. Howard said he would have done that for her and Robin said they'd leave her there for a week.
Howard said there will never be another Joan Rivers. He said she wanted this so badly. He said most people would have given up. Howard said she just wanted it so badly. He said she had to hone that craft and stay current. Howard said most 81 year olds wouldn't know who Kim Kardashian is. Howard said she had thousands of hours of experience on stage. He said that will never happen again. Howard said it's just too much. Howard said she's the last of a dying breed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's crying like a baby hearing this. He said Joan was getting funnier and funnier. Howard said she seemed too young to die. The caller said she was the queen of mean and the first one to be like that. Howard said she inspired so many people. Howard said he loved that about her. He said she never apologized about anything she said. Howard said she could get in hot water and never apologized.
Howard said he was talking to Jimmy Kimmel about this and people say they don't give a shit when they actually do. He said Joan really didn't give a shit. Robin said that Deborah Norville talked about that in her eulogy.
Howard played a clip of Joan doing a stand up routine where she joked about a deaf person and an audience member got mad at her because he has a deaf child. Joan told the guy her mother is deaf. Joan told that man that she was going to talk about what it's like to live with a man with just one leg too. She got right back into her comedy after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Joan was very vocal about the ups and downs in her career and she appreciated what Howard did for her. The caller said that he really appreciated her and she was always the best version of herself on the show. Howard said it really fucks his head up thinking about how she's gone and she'll never be on the show again. Robin said they never missed Joan. She said that they knew her consistently and everyone else rediscovered her.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has to thank him for rerunning the appearances of Joan's over the weekend. She said that she'll be missed. She asked Howard who was sitting where in the funeral. Howard said that he's not sure. He said he was part of the service so he was up front. Howard said he would have liked to have known.
Howard said he saw Donald Trump there. Howard said he saw Cindy Adams too. Gary said there was clearly a set up for the celebrities. Gary said that Trump saunters in and he's brought right to the front. Whoopi, Rachel Ray and others went right to the front. Howard said he wasn't brought to the front at Ed Bradley's funeral. Howard said he was in the back. Howard said he thought that he was a big name. Gary said he sat right behind Gellman there so he felt pretty good about that. Howard said that he heard Letterman was there but he didn't see him. Howard said he wasn't focusing on the audience there. Howard said that he saw a few faces but he wasn't focusing on one person. Howard said he didn't want to do that. Gary said he didn't see Letterman in nay of the pictures. Howard said he didn't either. Robin said Dr. Oz was there and she didn't see him until he was on the news talking about it.
Howard said Letterman may have been in the casket with Joan. Howard said she was actually cremated. Gary said that she promised him ashes so he may get some. Gary said Joan has a ton of people's ashes herself. Howard said she gave Robin some of Vincent Price's ashes.
Howard jokingly said that security thought Gary was a terrorist and they threw him in jail for about 10 minutes. Robin said Cindy Adams was trying to leave and she was screaming at the police to get around the barricades they had there. She would have had to have walked a block to get around them.
Gary said there were people milling about out in front of the place. He said that most people won't speak and some are more than happy to speak.
Howard played a clip where he asked Joan for a piece of herself when she dies. Joan said that she promises that he will get that.
Howard said Melissa did such a good job with that funeral. Howard said that Hugh Jackman may get a Tony for his performance. He said he actually emailed him and let him know what a good job he did.
Howard said he got word last night about something but he has to think about it before he talks about it. Howard said he doesn't want to cause World War 3. Howard said he was reading in the NY Times the Modern Love section. Howard said yesterday was so fabulous. Howard said they had a love story written by this porn star Kayden Kross and it's the most fabulous column. Howard said that he wondered if they ever had her on the show. Howard said he looked at her picture on the internet. Howard said she says she gets the money like Jenna Jameson used to get. Howard said she's really fucking hot. Howard said he figured he should beat off. Howard said he was beating off when Robin was trying to get in touch with him last night. Howard said this is the first time the NY Times has gotten him to jerk off since he was a kid. Howard said that he put Kayden Kross into his browser and so many clips came up. Howard said he passed over some of the scenarios. Howard said once he found out that one of them was her husband it ruined it for him. He watched her in a lesbian scene. Howard said he forgets what it was now and he can't believe that.
Howard said that Benjy is saying that Kayden Kross was on the show. Benjy said that it says ''teen sex'' so he's not going to click on it but it does say she rode the Sybian on the show. Howard said he knew the name. Howard said he did jerk off to something from the NY Times. Howard played a clip of Kayden Kross getting slammed hard.
Howard said that his mom called crying about how he got to say his eulogy at the Joan Rivers funeral. Howard said that she wished she could have seen it. Howard said he heard that someone had a recording of it. Howard said they had some kind of camera upstairs. Gary said he did see a camera there. Howard said he's going to ask Melissa if he can get a copy of that. He said he wants to give it to his mother and only his mother. Howard said he could just go to his parent's house and give a eulogy in their living room. Howard said he can imagine his dad asking ''What did he just say?''
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that Joan was on the show for so long and she never had a dull appearance. He said he saw her at a comedy club a few years ago and both he and his mom were cracking up. Howard said she was great at the birthday show too. Howard said that she agreed to do it as soon as she was asked. Ralph said they were so connected. Howard said they were. Howard said David Brenner once said that if Joan had a penis she'd be Howard Stern. Robin said she did live longer than David but not by much.
Ralph said Howard was saying that he doesn't think he's a good public speaker. He asked why that is. Howard said it's just that he doesn't like it. He said when he's in a room he's not at ease. He said he is at ease on the radio when he's in the studio. Ralph said it must have been a really nice eulogy. Howard said it caused him angst because he had to come up with the right words. He said he was up until like 12:30 writing. He said that he had to do it though. Howard said he wouldn't do that for anyone but he had to do it for Joan.
Howard said that Ed Sheeran is coming in today. He said there are a ton of people outside waiting to see him. Howard said the kids out there see him and they know him from AGT and say ''Hey, there's that guy!''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they could tell that Joan and Howard were friends. He said Howard should be proud of himself and he just wanted to say ''great job.'' Howard said he was very honored that he was asked to speak at the funeral. He said he was very moved by that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who gave her deepest condolences to Howard and Melissa and her son. Mariann said Joan was even able to laugh at death and that's such a great thing. Mariann said that Joan would speak to people on QVC one on one and she was the greatest woman on the show. Mariann said that her heart has been broken since Joan didn't wake up from that surgery.
Howard played a clip of Joan talking to Melissa about what an amazing life she's had. This was before she was going in for some surgery at some point in the past. She was telling Melissa what she had a great life and she loves her so much. Joan said that this business is so messed up because you have to look good. They went to break after that.
Howard played the clip and Elephant Boy asked Eric not to be mad at him. Eric told him ''fuck you'' and told him to stop being a fucking asshole. Fred and Eric went back and forth insulting each other. Fred did his impression of Eric doing his ''Who's High Pitch'' bit and said that he's the new High Pitch. Eric said he's had it with him. Fred said he's not afraid of fish either. Eric said he has a pet fish now. Fred called him a fat fuck and Eric said that Fred is a smelly piece of shit.
Howard said who knew you could have a career by being on Leiberman Live. Howard said Eric didn't think that through. He said it's not Elephant Boys' fault that he's on the show. Howard said that's Jon Leiberman who picks who he wants. Robin said she didn't understand a word either of them were saying. Howard said he can't believe that Eric has a pet fish. Robin said she didn't even hear that.
Howard said the new iPhone is coming out and they're going to have 2 sizes. Howard said there's a guy waiting on line already. Howard said they went and interviewed him. Howard played that clip and Richard Christy went down and talked to the guy who has been waiting since September 1st for the new phone that won't even be announced until the 9th. Howard wondered how you can be out there for 19 days and not work. Howard said he's looking forward to the new phone too but he's not going to wait in line for 19 days.
Howard said the big news while they were away was that the iCloud thing was hacked. Howard said that Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton were just a couple whose accounts were hacked. Howard said that he didn't know where to see them but he has a friend who knows. Howard said that the guy said that Jennifer has a rockin' body. He said that Kate Upton's weren't so great. He said that they're unfiltered pictures and you get to see everything.
Robin asked why the pictures are in the cloud and why they're taking them in the first place. Howard said you don't worry about that. Howard said that maybe someone took them and then they're sent to the could automatically. Howard said everyone fucks up technology by hacking into it. Howard said it's kind of cool to have all of your photos and someone has to go and fuck it all up.
Howard said all of the chicks on FOX news are so hot. Howard said that they're all talking about how they can't believe anyone would be so stupid to take nude pictures of themselves. Howard said he wonders who hasn't. Robin said she hasn't. Howard said he's sure she has. Howard said that he can believe it. Howard said if something goes down he's going to take a picture. Howard said he hasn't taken a picture of his cock or anything. He has nothing to brag about.
Gary said these pictures weren't at a party. He said they were set up. Gary said that one of the sites that was ordered to take the Jennifer Lawrence pictures down is pushing back and saying that the pictures aren't selfies. They're saying that the person who took them is the owner so that person has to come forward. Gary said that he saw them but not on the web. He said he saw Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence and Blake Lively. He said Jennifer's body was unbelievable. Howard asked how her titties were. Gary said they were great. Howard asked how her nips were. Gary said he saw them quickly so he didn't see them for long.
Gary said the pictures were made to give to someone to turn them on. Howard asked if he saw anything weird. Gary said it was so quick he didn't get a chance to see. Howard said he has to ask. Howard said that he's sorry for all the kids who watch him on AGT.
Howard said that they told people out on the street that they leaked pictures of Howard Stern on the internet. Howard played one clip where a woman said she saw them and he has nothing nice to show. Richard asked what the worst part of it was. The woman said she just closed her eyes and didn't look. Howard said people want to be on the news so badly that they'll say anything. Howard said she clearly understood the question. Howard played another clip of a woman saying she didn't like it either. A bunch of people thought they were really out there and gave comments on that.
Howard said Red Peters (RedPeters.com) recorded with Todd Rundgren and did a cover of ''Blow Me'' with him. Howard said that he got Todd to participate in this somehow. Howard said it's been a while since Todd has had a hit. Howard said he used to say he could have a hit at any time. Howard played the song and said that it's available tomorrow. Howard said way to go Red. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's the great James Brown with Gary on trumpet. Howard said now they have Ed Sheeran in the studio. Howard said he's on a massive career tear. Howard said he mentioned that Ed was coming in and young girls went nuts. Howard said he heard that Ed goes on stage in big concert halls and does an acoustic set for 90 minutes. Ed said he can put down some percussion loops and play those back so he can play to those. He said he loops them live there and then plays along to them.
Howard said today groups have big production and it has to be a ballsy move to go out and do that in a big hall. Ed said he realized early on that people just want to hear the songs and sing along to them. He said all the bells and whistles are fine but not needed. Ed said what people want is to be able to sing a song they know. He said if it looks cool then it can be that. He said he puts the money he would have given to a band to put up huge video screens and a great sound system.
Howard said that he wants to see a singer perform live and not lip sync. He asked if it disappoints him when he sees people putting on a Broadway production. Ed said that you just want to put on a show that people want to see. He said if that's the type of artist you are then that's fine. He said you can do both too. He said that the songs just have to be good.
Howard said that Ed says that Taylor Swift gave him a big break. Ed said that's true. Howard asked what his dad did. Ed told Howard what his dad did and how his mom did the same thing. He said they got to a point where they just wanted to do what they wanted. Howard asked if he was a kid who knew what he wanted. Ed said he wanted to be a rock star but that didn't become a reality until he was 14 or 15. He's 23 now.
Howard asked how he got into song writing. Ed said he was drawn to The Beatles and Van Morrison and then Bob Dylan. He said that he got into Eminem too later on. He said that his dad told him that Eminem was the next Bob Dylan. Howard said it sounds like his dad is a forward thinking guy. Ed said he was into lots of different stuff. He said he was into Slipknot and Bloodvayne too but his dad wanted him to go in another direction.
Howard asked when he left school. Ed said he did at 16. He said that his dad didn't get upset but his mom did. He said that he has no regrets at all about doing that. Ed said that he tells kids that if they want to be a doctor or something like that then go do school. He said any kid who wants to be a DJ or a musician he tells them to leave whenever they can and do what you have to do to get there.
Ed said that the only other kid who left school when he did is also a home owner. He said that guy is selling terrorism insurance.
Howard said he thinks that guys have to go out and work a crowd so they know how to do that. He said there is something to that. Ed said you also have to appreciate it. He said when you get to that point you have to appreciate it.
Howard asked if he left the house when he left school. Ed said they didn't live in London so he had to move to London. Howard said he heard he was homeless. Ed said he had places to stay every night. He said he'd stay with the promoters and people like that. He said that he was staying above a kabob shop for a while. He said that there's a web site that he was on that kept him in touch with people that he could stay with. He said that he'd end up playing a few gigs a night.
Howard asked if he got paid to do that. Ed said no. He said he'd sell his CDs to make money. Howard said he must have been living in poverty. Ed said pretty much yeah. He said he was able to find a place to stay though. He said he has a friend that he met outside this club and the guy asked him to come over to watch some Dave Chappelle DVDs and he went there and didn't leave for like 6 months. He said that was an interesting time for him.
Howard asked Ed if he ever feels despair when he's in a situation like that. Ed said it only happened once. He said leading up to that point nothing was going wrong. He said he was staying here and there. He said it was December 2010. He said he headlined a 500 person gig and his dad came down and friends came down. He said people were leaving and then he ended up in the bar alone. He said he was going to call a friend and his phone was dead. He said that he didn't have any money in his wallet either. He said he had to walk to his friend's house and it was a 2 hour walk. He said he had pure despair in his mind as he was doing that walk. Ed said that his friend cheered him up by showing the ultrasound that his wife had and told him he was going to be a father. He said things took off for him after that. Ed said that he's only had ups lately. Robin asked how long he lived like that. Ed said it was 4 years.
Howard said that you have to do your best every time you're playing. He said you never know who is listening. Ed said he did one show for 2 people in a church once. He said that one of those people was someone from a record company. Nothing came from that but the guy was there and he sent him a note.
Howard asked Ed about meeting Jamie Foxx and what went on with that. Ed said there were a lot of pieces to that puzzle. He said he went to Los Angeles on a whim. He said things weren't working in London so he went to L.A.
Howard asked if he feels out of place there in the States. Ed said he hasn't really had time to settle in and actually live somewhere. He said he has a home in London but he's always on the road.
Howard asked Ed about when his first big hit happened. He asked if it was 2009. Ed said that's about when it was. He said he had about 5 EPs that he put out.
Howard said that Ed says that Taylor Swift really helped him out. Ed said that she asked him to go on tour. He said that she has broken middle America and that's very hard to do. He said that if you can do arenas in Middle American then you're doing alright. He said she's able to do that and also has the youth demographic. Howard said he opens up for her and it must be tough with an acoustic guitar. Howard asked if they actually shut up and listen. Ed said they do. Ed said when you're an opening act you're not meant to have an intimate moment. He said you're warming up.
Howard said people thought that Ed was dating Taylor but he's not. Ed said that there are many reasons why it didn't happen. He said that it's a professional thing and you don't want to effect that. Howard said he thinks that she's super hot and super talented. Howard said if she's willing he'd do her. Howard said that's the way he looks at it.
Ed said he was also involved with someone at the time. Howard asked if the other person is as hot or talented as Taylor. Ed said that it's a different thing.
Howard asked if there's anything better than getting into someone's head with a song and a guitar. Ed said that when they write together they're arguing about ideas. He said that Taylor has awards all around her house and she'll point out her Grammys in the argument. Howard said it must be a weird thing to write a song with someone and they have different ideas. Ed said that you should be able to not clash and just have better ideas over other ideas. Ed said he did some songs with Pharrell and they go back and forth coming up with better and better ideas.
Howard asked if Pharrell comes in doing a different kind of thing. Ed said Pharrell doesn't care if you don't like his beats. He said there's no reason in doing something you don't like. He said you just move on and do something different. Howard asked Ed what he came up with Pharrell. Ed played some of what he came up with on his guitar.
Howard asked if he has to give Pharrell some of his money for that song. Ed said he did a 50/50 thing with that one. Howard asked if he has to have a lawyer involved every time with something like that. Ed said that he has tried not to do that but he got pissed off early on with cuts and splits. He said that people would get cuts for not doing that much. Ed said he got his first check and it was a royalty check and it was the most he'd ever seen but he knew that someone was getting a cut of it that he wasn't seeing.
Howard said artists have always gotten screwed. He said even going back to Elvis it was screwy. He said that it still goes on to this day. Ed said it's very awkward to be in a room with someone and knowing that they're going to say they did something they didn't do in the song 6 months later. Howard said it must be tough and it must end friendships. Ed said if you sing it then no one is going to get more credit than you. He said that it's just something that happens and you have to accept it. He said he played a festival in England the other day and they were all talking about how much they hate that whole thing.
Howard said that things are very different in the music business. He said you don't sell albums that much now. Ed said they have gone down but people will still buy albums. He said he gets the sales from 20 years ago and his first record sold as much as Oasis' big record from 20 years ago. He said that it's just that they're not going into the market to buy one every week. He said that the sales aren't going down but people just aren't buying as many artists. Howard said just imagine 20 years ago if there wasn't all of this illegal downloading. Ed said ticket prices have gone up too. He said musicians are still winning. He said there are no dire straights there.
Howard asked how much his first check was for. Ed said that he was releasing stuff on his own through a web site. He said that the first check he got was half a million dollars. He said his first record deal was only 30,000. He said he wondered if he should carry on as an independent. Ed said that he thought he could do that in England on his own but record companies get you on The Howard Stern Show and other shows too.
Howard asked if he gets credit for being a good guitar player. Ed said he started playing at 11. He said that the guy he was taking lessons from just stopped showing up. He said he was into Clapton and then got into Damien Rice. He said that he sees John Mayer play and he wishes he had practiced more. Howard said Adam Levine can shred the guitar too. He said he never plays in Maroon 5 though. Howard said the guy can really play though.
Howard said Ed is going to perform a song from his new album. Howard said that he's going to play ''Thinking Out Loud.'' The album is called ''Multiply'' but it's shown as an X . Ed said the last one was Plus so he wanted this one to be an X on a road sign and call it ''Sign of the Times'' but there are too many out there like that.
Howard asked Ed about drinking and if he likes that. Ed said he does. Howard asked if he needs booze to write songs. Ed said he can't function in that way when he drinks. Ed said he can't function on anything that alters his mind in any way. Ed said he had a situation in L.A. with a rapper. He said that they rolled a blunt and he had two hits off of that and he just played just one not in a corner for a couple of hours. He said he actually made a song out of that. He said they chopped it up and made a good song out of it. He said he'd play it but he doesn't have his phone on him.
Howard asked if he keeps ideas on his phone. Ed said he does that. He said he keeps notes on his phone and they will find a day and turn them into songs. Ed said that the best songs come to him when the album is done. He said that he had that happen a couple of times with the past couple of albums.
Howard asked Ed about the song he's doing now and if it's about the chick cheating on him. Ed said no. Howard said he heard that story. He asked if the girl was cheating on him with the guy from One Direction. Ed said he keeps his mouth shut about that stuff. Howard said he wants to know if the girl went to visit some guy in the same hotel as he was in. Ed said that is true. He did write a song about it. Ed said he wasn't so upset. He said he just thought it was a bit disrespectful. He said he wasn't in love with the girl. Howard said it must be a blow to his ego. Ed said that's precisely it. Howard said that has been going on in rock and roll forever. Howard said guys in rock never really get upset about it. Ed said George Harrison handled it right when he said he'd rather lose a girl to Clapton than any other bloke.
Howard asked Ed if he confronted the other guy. Ed said he did. He said it's a difficult conversation to have. He said the guy was his mate and he said it wasn't really cool. He said he hasn't really spoken to the guy. Howard asked if it was the guy from One Direction. Ed said no. He said that it actually depends on which one he's talking about.
Ed said he has a girlfriend now and she's great. Howard said Ed is too young to marry. Ed said he is. Howard asked if he asks her if she's into One Direction before he dates her. Ed said that he likes One Direction actually.
Howard asked Ed about this song he's performing and found out he wrote it back in February. Howard asked if he was ready to do this. Ed said he is. Howard had Ed sing the song ''Thinking Out Loud'' for them.
After the song Howard said that was a beautiful song. Howard asked if it was about his girlfriend Athena. Ed said it is. Howard said she's demanding 50 percent of the royalties on that song. Howard asked when she heard it for the first time. Ed said when he recorded it and gave her the album. Howard asked if she ever comes to the studio to watch. Ed said no. He said he's anally retentive in the studio so he doesn't do that. Ed said when he wrote that song he changed it a lot.
Howard said Ed doesn't use a pick when he plays. Ed said he uses one to play live. He said he loops the song and he has to use one on some of the songs. Howard said it's nice not to have a band. He said it's just Ed and the guitar. Ed said he keeps it tight. He said he has 5 people who he's been with for a long time. He said they added another 10 for the big tour.
Robin said Ed's voice is beautiful. Ed said he doesn't take good care of his voice. He said he's a smoker and he loses his voice when he tries to stop. Howard asked why he smokes with a voice like that. Howard said it doesn't make sense to him. Howard said he smoked when he was young but there's so much evidence that shows it can kill you. Ed said he needs time not touring and he'll be fine. He said he rolls his own cigarettes and only smokes 3 or 4 a day. Howard said he doesn't need that for his voice. Howard said he should quit and he'll be fine. Howard said that's his advice. Ed said he can't do it because he has no break during this tour. He said he could lose 3 or 4 gigs because of that.
Howard asked Ed if he buys a lot of things now that he's making money. Ed said he has 3 homes. He doesn't drive so he doesn't have any cars. Howard said he has kids around his age and they don't care about driving either.
Howard said Elton John's management company is managing him. Ed said they are. Howard asked if he keeps in touch with Elton. Ed said he's in touch weekly. Howard asked what kind of advice he gives him. Ed said Elton was the one who told him to go on the Taylor tour. He said that he told him to go do that and break America. He said that's the kind of advice he gets.
Howard said he heard Taylor calls him 20 times a day. Ed said that's not true. Howard said that she's sort of jealous of his relationship with his girlfriend because she's taking time away from her. Ed said that's not really true. He said most of the news stories out there aren't true. He said that most of the stuff about Taylor isn't true.
Howard asked if he has ever walked in on her naked. Ed said he hasn't because she has bodyguards. He said that she could walk in on him nude though.
Howard said that Elton is very hands on and that's shocking to him. He said you'd think he wouldn't be that interested in that stuff. Ed said that he is though. He said he's very interested in the business and how things are going. Howard asked if Ed can ignore Elton John's advice. Ed said no. He said Elton has done good and bad and he knows. He said that he does get a second opinion from his dad though. He said he will never just tell him no. Howard said Elton must be getting some of his money. Ed said that they get 20 percent because they manage him.
Howard said that Ed is friends with Johnny from Snow Patrol and he introduced him to Courteney Cox who is dating him now. Ed said that he didn't really introduce them directly. Howard said he must have been a Friends fan. Ed said he was but he doesn't let on to that. He said that he was in a restaurant with Christa Miller and Bill Lawrence and they invited him to a party. He said he went and he stayed at Courteney Cox's house. He said that he asked his friend to come to the party and that's how Johnny met Courteney. Howard said that he seems like a really nice guy. Ed said he's like one of his top 3 people. Ed said that he's very thankful for the introduction. Howard said he would think he'd be invited to the wedding. Ed said he thinks Johnny has other friends.
Howard said he read that he passed out at Jennifer Aniston's house from drinking. Ed said he had a lot of wine. He said that he did pass out. Howard said that was on Thanksgiving. He said he must be shocked that he's in those situations. Ed said they are shocking but he just remains open to them. Ed said he will be asked to go somewhere and he'll just go.
Howard asked what kind of weird situations he's been in. Ed said that back in the day he would stay anywhere and this guy kept every newspaper that he ever got. He said that was a weird situation. Howard asked if he ever ended up in a weird situation with celebrities. Ed said that sometimes you're at a party on your own trying to get into it. He said the weirdest thing is to see those people you see on TV in the same situation as you're in.
Howard asked if he has ever been let down by a celebrity meeting. Ed said he doesn't think so. He said he was in a conversation with Paul McCartney once and Prince pushed him away. Ed said 9 times out of 10 people will be nice to other people but then there's one time when they won't be. He said the first time he met Paul was at Buckingham Palace. He said that Paul asked him to take a photo for him and he did that but he asked Paul to go over to his dad and just pretend that he knows him. He said Paul did that and it was great.
Howard said sometimes you meet someone and you just don't know what to say. Ed said that he has found that with Elton John. He said the third or forth time he met Paul he was a bit lit. He said he was talking to Paul about the people in the business and Paul was telling him that the nicest ones are at the top of their game.
Howard asked Ed why he picked a Springsteen song to play today. Ed said that he's been into Springsteen for the past year or so. He said that he got into it last year and he was in a hotel there in New York. He said he had never heard this song before. He said he started downloading his stuff after that and listened to it over and over. He said the album Nebraska is his favorite. Howard said he loves that stripped down stuff too.
Howard asked what he was going to perform. Ed said he's going to perform Bruce Springsteen's ''Atlantic City.'' Ed went right into the song after that.
After that song Howard said that was beautiful. Howard said that was seriously good. Howard asked if he hears the song and wants to go play it on his guitar. Ed said it was the lyrics that got him into it. Howard said it is a beautiful lyric. Ed said that he has seen performances of the song with his band and he prefers it more then. Howard asked if he covers that in concert. Ed said he doesn't. He said he does covers once in a while. He said if he had songs people didn't went to hear then he'd do more. He said if he was going to see someone he likes he'd want to hear their songs.
Howard asked if people complain about his wardrobe and things like that. Ed said that he was voted worst dressed by GQ one year. He said that he actually won something so he's happy with that.
Howard asked Ed if he goes to therapy at all. Ed said no. He said his dad is the best one for that. He said he sometimes catches himself being a dick and he tells himself to stop being an idiot. He said sometimes his dad will tell him to calm the fuck down. Howard asked when he did that. Ed said he did an interview for his biography and the guy was asking what the songs were about. He said he was being very open about the subjects because the record company told him that they had control over it all. Then the guy sold the transcripts to someone at the last minute. He said his dad told him to stop talking about stuff that could fuck him up. He said drugs, politics, religion and money you just don't talk about.
Ed said he talked about a form of ecstasy and he was open about it. He said it came out like he was endorsing it in the interview but he really wasn't. Ed said that he has been at bars and clubs and the journalists are doing it all. Ed said that what he was trying to say is that he'll always be honest about his experiences. He said the stupid thing in his head is that he trusted that guy and spoke too much about it.
Howard said he likes the honesty. He said that so many people are coached not to talk about certain things. Howard said you can murder someone and people will forget about it the next day. Ed said he said something about Miley Cyrus and that resurfaced recently. He said he went to an after party at the Grammys and he had a bit too much to drink. He said his publicist told him to do the red carpet and he had a bit of a rant. He said he didn't really mean it. Ed said he said something along the lines that her voice and songs are amazing and she should stop twerking. He said he genuinely loves her music. He said he's not sure what to do when you do something like that. Howard said he found that it's best to pick up the phone and just say to her that he regrets saying it. Ed said he will find a way to do it.
Howard asked how often he drinks. Ed said that he can stop when he wants. Howard asked him to never drink again. Ed said he could do that. He said he went a year without doing it. Ed said he would be a very boring person if he stopped. He said that the year he signed a record deal he stopped for a year. He said he doesn't drink that much. He said if he has a day off he'll go nuts. If he doesn't have a day off then he wont. Ed said he went to bed at 10 and he got up at 2 in the morning. He said he's been up since 2 and he was watching Vine videos since then.
Howard said Ed's new album is out now. He said that he's touring through September 17th and you can find out more at EdSheeran.com.
Ed said that this interview has been such a refreshing change from what he usually does. Ed asked Howard if he ever runs over time. Howard said he does often. Howard said he has been chatting with him for over an hour now. Howard told Ed to beat off when he can't get to sleep. Howard said he did that last night and slept right through the night. Ed said he feels like his mom is listening. Howard said his parents should know about that. Ed said his mother actually walked in on him taking a shit the other day. He said it was a quick thing but still. Howard said he saw his mother nude when he was a child. He said that's pretty shocking.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves Ed. The caller said she's a huge fan. She said she saw him on Long Island. Ed said that was such a beautiful venue. Ed said he was there to do a meet and greet. He said that he asked to play there that night and they got all the stuff there and sold it out. Howard said that's pretty good that he remembers that place. Ed said the venue was very memorable. Ed said that he decided to do the show at 6pm and he tweeted out he was playing it and sold it out. He was on stage that night at 9.
The caller said the show was amazing. She thanked them for taking her call. Howard said she didn't even have a question. Howard said that her voice is shaking and you know Ed could have any of them. Howard said that he could fuck any girl he wants.
Howard asked Ed if he has people check out the chicks he dates. Ed said he usually doesn't do a one night thing. He said he will date someone more than once. Howard asked if he has done any 3 way or orgy type things. Ed said not really. Howard said he just wants to be with one woman. Ed said he doesn't think that those things exist so much now. Howard said he thinks they do but no one talks about it. Howard said it seems like a rite of passage or something. Robin said they knew it was going on with Van Halen and bands like that. Ed said he thinks people assume it's going on.
Howard said he was in Detroit in the 80s and he was on the same floor of Van Halen and it was like a massive orgy there. Howard said he had girls banging on his door thinking it was Van Halen. He said he'd open the door and the girls were like ''Ugh!'' when they saw him standing there.
Howard thanked Ed for coming in and gave him some more plugs. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said so many emails came in. He said he had some email from 2 weeks ago about Big Foot and all of the George Takei stuff too. Howard said people were glued to the radio.
Howard said Riley Martin commented on Joan Rivers. Howard played a clip of Riley talking about her like he knew her. Riley said he loved Joan had he has leaned that this thing we call death is the transition from one state of being to another. Riley was talking about how they're going to work on her and get her into paradise.
Robin said that Riley isn't very good with other languages here on earth so how good can he be with the Alien language. Howard said he's sure that he made Melissa Rivers feel better with that. Howard played a Riley Martin song parody after that.
Howard said people loved the last Big Foot appearance. He said people are asking for more. Howard read through a few of those emails. Howard said Big Foot told a story about his mail man paying him to finger him. Robin said he turned him in after that too.
Howard said he heard that Big Foot was on some podcast and Gonzo Shitcock got a hold of him and had him convinced that he was his mail man. Howard said that he's not sure whose podcast this was. He played the clip and Big Foot was talking to Gonzo as if he was his mail man. Big Foot said he hopes his whole career is gone. Big Foot told him to stick a broomstick up his ass.
Robin said she's not sure how the mailman did him such harm. Howard said then Gonzo called up as Adam Sandler and Big Foot went with it. Howard played that clip too. Big Foot wanted to give his manager's number out on the air but they told him not to do that.
Howard said Big Foot doesn't have any of the hang ups that Eric the Actor does. Howard said then Gonzo called in again as Little Foot who is Big Foot's son. Howard played that clip too. Big Foot said that he wasn't his son. Gonzo said he wanted to go get pizza with him. Big Foot said his mother doesn't love him and he doesn't have any friends.
Howard said this went on through the whole podcast. Howard said Gonzo called in as the mayor of the town that Big Foot is from. Howard played that clip too. Big Foot threatened to bring mountain men and the Mafia to his town and make sure that he cuts him with a knife. He ended up hanging up on them after that.
Howard said Big Foot isn't completely stupid. He said that he knows he's on a podcast and he gets calls from the mail man, Adam Sandler and the mayor of his town. He doesn't get those kind of calls when he's on the Stern show but on some unknown podcast he does.
Gary said he wanted to walk in with Robin. He said that he waited for her and she sent him a text. He said hew as photographed texting Robin back and it looks so tacky doing that outside a funeral. He said he was just trying to get in touch with Robin though.
Robin said that she saw a woman wearing a red sweater at the funeral. Robin said that it's traditional to wear black. Howard said that he heard Hoda was wearing blue. He was just joking. Robin said that Whoopi was wearing something that made her look like a Ninja.
Howard said this new The View cast is an unusual collection. Howard said he likes Rosie O'Donnell and Whoopi. He said that they're both leaders though. He said someone has to run the show. He said he thinks there's going to be a problem there. Howard said he has to get them in there. Gary said Rosie Perez is very loud too so that might be interesting. Howard said that Rosie used to do the show and she's very good because she's very animated. Howard said they're all going to be yelling over one another. Howard said they seem like a good crew though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to mention that Mayor DeBlasio wasn't at the funeral. He said she was a great asset to New York and he should have been there. Howard said he doesn't speak for the mayor's office but Melissa did say that she was surprised she didn't hear from his office. Howard said that he has a couple of feelings about that. Howard said a lot of the job is appearances. Howard said that Bloomberg would have been there. Howard said that maybe he has something more important to do so you can look at it that way. He said if he's not busy doing his job then fuck him. Howard said Joan wasn't a big supporter of his so that could have something to do with it. Howard said maybe he was a big Jerry Lewis fan and Jerry told him not to go.
The caller said he saw the biopic on James Brown and it was just okay. He said going back and listening to him on Howard's show is the best. Robin said the movie was kind of under whelming. Howard said he thinks Mick Jagger produced that movie. Howard said sometimes they rush the movies and they don't take the time they need to. Howard said that sometimes they give up and don't craft it properly. Robin said sometimes they do it at the expense of the product.
Howard said that he doesn't know why Mayor DeBlasio didn't show up but Casey Kasem was there. Howard said Kerri Kasem is actually coming in tomorrow. Howard said Gavin Rossdale is going to be stopping by too.
Robin asked Howard if he knows what's going on with Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey. Howard said he has no idea. He said he didn't know there was trouble in paradise. Howard said he read in the paper that they're separated. Howard said being a guy he asked Nick if he was okay and left it at that. Howard said Nick seems to be just fine. He said that's how guys talk. He said he did tell Nick that if he wants to talk he's there for him.
Howard said his mother would fuck the shit out of Nick Cannon. Howard said that his mom tells him that he's something else. Howard did his impression of his mom talking about that and how she thinks he's a ''cutie pie.'' Howard said that his dad can't even hear this conversation going on. Howard said his mom was telling him about how great Nick is at dancing. Howard said she was talking about how he does it all. Howard said his mother has a crush on Nick Cannon. Howard was doing his mother's voice talking about how big Nick's cock is.
Robin told Howard that he should talk to Nick and ask him if anything is wrong and talk to him about it. Howard said he should offer to set him up with Robin or someone. Howard said if she's up for it he'll set her up. Howard said she had better show up this week. Robin said he hasn't looked at her once. She said that he may not recognize her at all. Howard said that's the worst when someone doesn't recognize you. Robin said that he gave Beth a personal greeting but not her.
Howard said he's always shocked when people give the other judges love. He said he thinks that they should all give him huge applause and the other judges none. Howard said it should be Howard Mania. Howard said he has to take a break and hand someone an envelope. He did a live commercial read and then took a break.
After the break, around 10:05am, we heard a prank call the guys made to a guy using George Takei audio clips. Howard came back and did another live commercial read.
Howard had Robin get to some news. Robin started her news talking about another NBA owner, Bruce Levenson, having to sell his stake in the team. Robin said the owner of the Atlanta Hawks had sent an email out comparing black patrons to white patrons of basketball games. Robin said he's now selling his stake in the team. Robin read some details about that and what Levenson has said about his comments. Howard said if you're the owner of a team then just shut up and count your money. He said you'd think they'd know something.
Robin read a story about a college soccer player who is being accused of racist and homophobic comments caught on a rant in a video. Robin had some audio of that rant. Robin said the woman has been suspended from the team.
Robin read a story about Nicole Wallace who is going to be on The View as one of the hosts. Robin gave Howard some details about her and what she's done before. Howard said he knows The View competes against The Talk even though they're not in the same time slot. Howard said they should get that soccer player on the show.
Robin read a story about something that happened at a tennis game over the weekend. Robin had some audio of Martina Navratilova proposing to her girlfriend. Robin said the girlfriend is Julia Lemigova. Howard said the whole thing sounded like a tongue twister. Howard said he saw John McEnroe the other day on the street and John asked him ''Are you going?'' and he had no idea what he was talking about. He said he was asking him to go to the U.S. Open. Howard said if they had those lesbian proposals going on every time he'd probably go. Howard said they have to get Martina in there. He said she must go to town on that vagina. Howard said this woman Martina could seduce straight women and get them to convert to lesbianism. Robin asked if they were really straight. Howard said they must not have been. Howard told Gary to send them a nice vibrator for their wedding. Howard said that he's sure Martina loves to strap on a cock. He said he's going to get them the biggest, hardest he can find. Howard said that he thought Martina would have loved to have spent time on Robin's big boobs. He said god knows what Martina does to that woman or what that woman does to Martina. Howard said he'd like to know. He said he can only imagine.
Robin read more about what went on at the U.S. Open and had some audio clips for Howard to play. Howard told Gary to cancel the strap on. He said that's not big enough. He said they need a tennis racquet to strap on. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that Howard did the Ice Bucket Challenge while they were away. Howard said he did. He said that was cold. Robin told him to get out. Howard said he poured a shot glass full of water on his head. He said someone said he has a sick pack in that video too. He said he can look halfway decent in the right lighting. Howard said that Beth did it too and he held the camera. Howard said he can't stand that whole thing. Howard said after he did it the whole thing stopped. He said it's all over. Howard said other people are starting other challenges. Howard said that was enough and there are so many people trying to start others. Howard said he was so against the ice bucket challenge. He said he did it because it was a funny bit. Howard said he did it with a shot glass because he didn't want to be cold. Howard said he did this thing and then everyone stopped doing it. Howard said he thinks he was the last one to do it.
Robin said there has been a problem created by the ice bucket challenge. Robin said out in Ohio some teenagers took a kid who had a learning disability and they show these teens dumping a bucket of urine and feces on the disabled child. Robin said now everyone is looking for these teens. Robin said Drew Carey stepped up and offered a $10,000 reward to find these kids. Robin said Jenny McCarthy is also in on that and matching the 10 grand.
Robin said Apple will have the preview of the new iPhone tomorrow. Howard said he has to have one. Howard said there are already people waiting on line. Howard said that they're sponsored so companies pay them to stand on line. Robin said they are increasing the screen size to try to get people back who have moved to larger screen phones. Howard said he has to have the phone even though he doesn't know what it does. Gary asked if he's going to pay $100 more for a Sapphire screen. Howard said yes. He said he will pay for that. He said he wants it already. Howard asked how big the screens are going to be. Fred said that one is 4.7 inches and the other is 5.5 inches. Howard asked what he's going to do. Robin said that Howard can get rid of his tablet and get the phablet. Howard said maybe he can do that. Gary said he can keep the tablet for the car and use the phone at other times. Robin said Howard can get rid of his iPad Mini if he gets the larger phone. Howard said he watches all of his TV on his iPad. Howard said he masturbates using his iPad Mini. He said the Sapphire screen might be good just in case he misses and hits the screen. Howard told Gary to get Tim Cook on the phone. He said he has so many questions. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the person who started the Chick-Fil-A company dying this morning at the age of 93. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read a story about 66 year old man being held after setting his wife on fire. Howard said you can't do that for those kids who are listening. Robin said the husband was angry over money so he poured alcohol on her and lit her on fire. Howard said he feels like husband of the year after hearing that story.
Robin read a story about the Super Moon that's happening this week. Robin said she has to see if her turtles are going to hatch this time. She said they're supposed to hatch out on her beach.
Robin read about Prince William being a father for the second time. Robin said that they do say that you have an heir and a spare.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that only the smaller iPhone is going to be available right away from what he heard. He said he's going to get whatever he can. He said he wants an iWatch too. Howard said he doesn't want a shitty watch. He said he won't buy that. Ralph said it's going to be Bluetooth so it'll be fine. Howard said maybe he'll want it. Ralph said that it's going to be something really different. He said they have great designers working there at Apple. Ralph said they're building some big house at the place where they're doing the reveal. He said he's thinking it's going to be a house to show off home automation stuff. Howard said Ralph needs a new iPhone. He said he has a really old one. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how cars will drive you in just a few years. Robin said the 2017 Cadillac will be driving itself. Howard said he's going to miss that guy who sits in the front seat. Robin had some audio of a GM exec talking about that new car. Howard said he'd rather have an iPhone. Howard said he doesn't think he needs that car. Robin said it's going to drive itself in traffic. Howard said anything to get rid of Ronnie. Robin read some details about that and Howard said it sounds amazing but it sounds like it's going to fuck up. Howard said that thing can't tell you about how to put a candy cane in someone's pussy or talk about strip clubs.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary said that there were lots of luminaries and Howard was the one who the family chose to deliver the eulogy. Gary said that there were a lot of celebrities there and Cindy Adams is a friend but Howard was a different friend. He said Howard and Joan loved each other.
Jon asked what Joan meant to the show. Gary said the first time she was on was before he even worked for the show. Gary said he remembers buying tickets for his parents to see Joan and David Brenner. He said she was a big deal in his house. He said he lived through all of that Tonight Show stuff. Gary said he whole reason Howard got in trouble was because Howard went on Arsenio Hall's show and insulted all of the FOX people about what they did to Joan.
Jon said that this funeral was a big to do. He said it was almost red carpet like. Gary said there was no red carpet there though. Jon said he meant that in quotes. Gary said it was sad and funny. He said that she got the funeral she always wanted. He said that Linda Stazi wrote an article about it and how that's what she wants at her funeral.
Jon said Joan's accountant got up and talked about her and he was great from what he heard. Gary said he was amazing. Gary said he talked about knowing Joan from the age of 23 on. He had some great stories that he told.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that funeral was an inconvenience to Howard. Gary said he thinks Howard took it very seriously and it may have been a burden but not an inconvenience. He doesn't mean a burden in a bad way. He said Howard takes everything very seriously. Jon played a clip of Howard talking about Joan and how it didn't seem like it was her time. Jon asked Gary if he agrees with that. Gary said he does. He said that he talked to Andy Cohen about that and she was always so vibrant that you never expected it to happen.
Jon said that Howard could mix it up with Joan and she was able to switch it up. Gary said that they were able to dance and they just knew where to go and where to move. He said that's a quality that she had that Howard doesn't have with a lot of people. Jon said that people really liked her. Gary said if Joan liked you then it was a big honor. He said the stories of her generosity were abundant. He said that she was a ball breaker and she could be vicious. He said that she says she doesn't hold a grudge but that's not true. Gary said that one place she held a grudge was with people fucking with her daughter or grandson. He said that's how a person should be.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Gary what a great job he's doing on the show. Gary said he just celebrated his 30th anniversary last week. The caller said that he remembers a time when Joan was really wounded and she wasn't the talk of the town but Howard helped legitimize her in different areas. Gary said he thinks that one of Joan's early starts was when she was on Hollywood Squares. Jon said she did the red carpet stuff too and she just did so many things.
Gary said that Joan is tied do so many things with their show. He said that Sam Kinison showing up late and Angie Bowie telling that story she told were tied into her show. They had to take a break after that.
Jon said that he's not sure that he could handle things as well as Ed does. He was referring to the story about the girl going with the other guy from another band. That's rumored to be one of the guys from One Direction.
Jon said it was interesting the way Ed was talking about getting a record deal even though he was selling songs on his own and doing well at it. Gary said that's the way things have to go at this time but things may change eventually.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if it's true that Gary is upset that Howard went to Joan's funeral but not his dad's funeral. Gary said that Beth hurt herself on the way and she had to go to the hospital. He said he's not upset about it at all.
Jon said that Howard always complains about things so there's never a good time for a funeral to happen. He said he doesn't think that Joan's was an inconvenience in that way. He said he thinks he was more than happy to go.
Benjy asked if there were actual invites for the funeral. Gary said there were. He said you got an email and you had to show a photo ID and license. He said everyone had a plus one. Gary said that he was glad to be invited because he was close to her. Gary said he saw her manager and assistant and he's been dealing with them for years and years. Gary said that Joan was super generous and she invited him and many to Melissa's wedding. He said he sat with Gellman and Larry King's producer and Sally Jesse Raphael's producer. He said Joan understood that there were people behind the people. He said she knew that they were important and she treated them well.
Benjy said he would have loved to have gone. Gary said he thought that he wrote for Joan. Benjy said that he was on her show once calling in as characters. He said he went on her show as a character too. Benjy said he didn't know they were checking invites. Benjy said he was thinking about trying to go and get in. Gary said he wouldn't have gotten in. He said that once he got to the photo ID he probably wouldn't have gotten in. He said it's possible he would have been able to talk his way in. Benjy said he thought about it. He didn't have his suit though. It was at the dry cleaner. Jon went to break after that.
Gary said he was approached a few blocks away from the funeral and he tried to explain nicely that he didn't want to talk. Gary said Steve Langford texted him and he didn't feel it was his place to discuss it. Jon said that he has the right to say ''no comment.'' Gary said he's been to places where it's really sad but this wasn't like that. He said it wasn't his place to talk about what went on inside.
Jon Leiberman said that if they want them to celebrate her life then why not talk about it. Gary said it was a private event. He said that they didn't invite the media in to participate. Gary said that they didn't necessarily want to share it with the public. Leiberman said that they could have. Gary said they made that call and didn't do that.
Benjy said based on what Joan has said he thinks that they liked the hoopla. Gary said he thinks that they liked the media coverage to a point. Gary said they had a place for the media to hang.
Jon asked Leiberman what his headlines were for today. Leiberman gave a quick Howard 100 News headline rundown. That led to them talking about High Pitch Eric getting upset with Fred the Elephant Boy. Leiberman said that High Pitch wanted to get paid for the job of interviewing on the street and he ended up quitting. Fred took that job and Eric got upset over that.
Gary said he generally agrees with Howard when he says that everyone has taken nude photos of themselves. He said he hasn't but he knows Benjy has. Benjy said he has. Leiberman said he has never done that but he has High Pitch texting him right now. He said Eric says he hates Fred the Elephant Boy.
Jon said that he thinks if you take a nude shot of yourself it's going to get out there. He said why take the chance.
Jon wrapped up the show a short time later. They were done around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how they're live and he wants people to stop whining. He said a lot of people are watching his schedule.
Howard said he woke up this morning and he was so tired. He said he has to get up at 4:30 and he can't get used to it after all these years. He said he has to do AGT today and he's exhausted already. He said they want him to do it again but the schedule is very demanding. Howard said he had a tantrum this morning. He said he hates to look at schedules. He said he has to tape a bunch of stuff today. He said they said he has to get there for 4 o'clock. He said they have an hour for dinner but he doesn't eat dinner there. He said he has to explain to them that he has to get a nap in there. Howard said they can't change the schedule because Howie has to do press. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said he goes crazy over that stuff. He said it's the same thing every week and then they change it. He said he'll be there for the show to judge and that's what he signed up to do. Howard said he didn't know he was going to have to sit around waiting for press.
Howard took a call from Joey Boots and said he likes it when he yells stuff out but there are a lot of people who like his Joan Rivers tribute. Meanwhile Joey is out there yelling Baba Booey at the funeral. Howard said Gary said that he was out there yelling that and the press were looking at him like he was responsible for that. Gary said it was the police that were upset. He said they were looking at him like he was responsible. He said he can't be the one who says if it's right or wrong to do it.
Howard said he has to play a lot of Baba Booey's from the golf games too. Howard said he has audio of Joey yelling out at the funeral. He played one clip where the press were doing their reports about the funeral and Joey comes by and yells out Baba Booey. He yelled out ''Jerry Lewis killed Joan!'' too. Howard said that's a good one. There were people telling Joey to shut up but Joey kept going. He was yelling Baba Booey at the top of his lungs.
Howard said there's no way you can concentrate with that going on. Robin said it sounds like the reporter is trying to get through that as fast as he can. Howard said he can't even pay attention to the guy.
Howard asked Joey why there was some silence in there. Joey said there were people telling him to stop. He said he did some more Booey Bombs and some cops came up to him so that's where the silence came from. He said he was explaining that he won in court over that just recently. He said he'd stop talking to the cops and yell out again. Howard said the cops must not have gotten the memo about the court thing. Howard said in the old days they would have taken Joey in a back room and beaten the shit out of him. Joey said he was pretty much persona non grata there. He said everyone hated him. Howard said that was Joey outside the Joan Rivers funeral.
Robin wondered if people think that Howard is the one responsible for that. She said it comes at just the right time as they mention Howard Stern. Howard played Joey out with a Joey Boots song parody from Little Mikey.
Howard said he doesn't get many nice comments on his career but he did for his eulogy. Howard said that's what he should do for a living. Howard said Donald Trump called him and he was on the news talking about how great it was. Howard played a clip of Donald on FOX News talking about what an amazing job he did with the eulogy. Trump was talking about how funny and fun it was. He was saying really nice things about how great he was. Howard said Kathie Lee was even saying nice things about him. Robin said she ran into Sue Simmons there at the funeral. Howard said that was the place to be.
Howard played a clip of Kathie Lee and Hoda talking about the funeral and Kathie Lee was saying that Howard Stern surprised her the most. She said he was hysterically funny and touching too. Howard said he was surprised by that and he really appreciates her saying such nice things.
Howard said Charlie Rose said some nice things about his eulogy too. Howard played a clip of Charlie talking about that too. Charlie said Howard was funny and loving too. Charlie said that's what Joan did for them as well.
Howard said Billy Bush said many nice things. Greg Kelly and Rosanna Scotto were very nice too. He said they were all there at the funeral. Howard said he didn't notice any of these people there because there were so many people there and he wasn't focusing on just one person. Howard played a clip of Rosanna Scotto and Greg Kelly talking about him. They were talking about how there were a lot of curse words but it was appropriate for the occasion. Rosanna was talking about running into Baba Booey there.
Howard said it's like his entire career has been wiped out by this one eulogy. Howard said he's going to be like Maya Angelou. He said he's moving into that area now.
Howard said all of his eulogies are going to start with dry pussy references. He said that'll be his signature. Howard said he's only going to do A-list celebrities though. Howard said maybe Larry King or Betty White will be next. Robin said that he has to be like the NY Times and have a whole set written.
Howard said Jeffrey Ross was very complimentary too. Howard said he heard from him. Howard said Dr. Oz liked it too. He said that Oz was the only one willing to say ''dry vagina.'' He played a clip of that interview. Oz said that Howard started the whole thing off with a story about how dry her vagina was.
Howard said Dr. Oz is doing a whole show about dry vagina today. Robin said he has an audio visual of that kind of thing on his show. Robin said he'll have to recreate that whole thing for his show.
Robin asked what Howard was doing because he was making odd noises. Howard said he's having some private time for himself there.
Howard said that QVC can't help themselves. He said one of the hosts was selling Dell computers and he was saying if you want to watch the Joan Rivers stuff then you need a Dell. Howard said they're nuts. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how great Dell's screens are and how you can watch the Joan Rivers memorial service on this beautiful screen. Howard said he likes this guy. Robin said she saw him at the funeral. She said that she used to see Joan on QVC all the time too. Howard said Robin should take over for her line. Robin said she'd never be able to do that. Howard said he thinks without Joan he'd never know the term ''Bo lornyette''. That's all because of QVC and Joan selling her jewelry on there. Robin mentioned a couple of other types of jewelry that she sold on there. Howard said he was going to mention that in the eulogy but he didn't think he could say those words.
Howard said Melissa came up to him at the funeral and said he didn't have his pin. Howard said he saw that everyone else had a bee pin on and she never gave him one. He said he must scare people off. Robin said that a lot of people had sheriffs badges on too. Robin said that Gary wondered what that was about but they never found out. Robin said all of the QVC hosts were there and she wasn't sure who was running that place that day. Howard said they must have been on auto pilot. Robin said they got back to work and started working her into the sales.
Howard said they reported that this guy had beaten his wife and the NFL only suspended him for 2 games. Howard said if someone did that in his organization he couldn't work with that person. He said he gets it. Robin said that TMZ says that the NFL knew about the video long before yesterday.
Howard asked what happens if you have Ray Rice in the fantasy football league. Gary said you can't do anything because he's just done. King said that Gary sounds like he's judging this guy on this. Howard said that he's not, he's just explaining the fantasy football thing. King said he still thinks that the woman has some responsibility in this. Howard said King has the abusive mentality so he won't understand it. King said he's saying that if there's a drug addict and he sells drugs to the guy then he's enabling him. Robin asked what that has to do with the woman. King said that she's staying with the guy so she's saying it's okay. Robin said she has a mental issue.
Howard said if you have a retarded person in your house and you start fingering them then you're doing something wrong. King said that's different. Howard said this woman has a condition like a retarded person. He said the guy is taking advantage of the woman. King said that you'd never know that she's got that condition. Gary said he knows what he's going for. Howard said he's being controversial. He said he wonders why this woman stays with this guy. Gary said King hits women so he can't have an unbiased opinion. King asked why he keeps saying that. Howard asked why his wife stays with him. King said his wife loves him. Gary said she's enabling him then.
King said if he asks his wife to iron something and she doesn't do it then he hits her then it's partially her fault for not doing what he asked her to. Robin told him to get off the phone. Howard said he had to go. He said he's being silly.
King told Howard that the Mercedes S500 has the ability to drive you around without a driver. He said that it's a $15,000 option. Howard asked what kind of looks King gets at a Mercedes dealer. King said he has jewelry on and cologne on so they don't look at him funny. Howard said he really has to go. King told Howard to go look at that car. He said they have 4K TVs in the car too. Howard said he has to go. He let King go and went to break after playing a King of All Blacks theme song.
Benjy said Howard should be talked about like this all the time. Howard said he doesn't feel like that. Robin said if he keeps his shirt off they'll never get any work done. Howard said he bets that Benjy wishes he had fingered him instead of Perez Hilton. He asked how all of that is going. Benjy said he had some doctor appointments and everything is normal.
Howard said he's not sure why these girls weren't fucking him like crazy. He said he questions his judgment on that. He said he feels the complete opposite of Benjy's body. He said he was very complimented by Benjy yesterday though. He said he wishes a woman would say that to him. Benjy said he would still say he's got a great build if he didn't like him. Benjy said even if he got into shape he wouldn't have that. Fred said Benjy is nuts.
Howard said last night Benjy was trying to hack into his iCloud trying to find pictures of him. Benjy asked if he looks at his body and thinks it looks good. Howard said he didn't think he looked too bad. He said he was okay putting that video out there. Howard said he didn't think he looked great but he looked presentable.
Howard said if he's at the pool he thinks people are looking at him thinking he's gross. Benjy said if they showed Howard that video a year from now they'd think it was just a hot guy. Howard said he doesn't look at guys like that.
Howard said if Benjy was treating his girlfriend like that she'd be giving him sex. Benjy said she has a beautiful body too.
Howard said Zac Efron nominated Eric in his Ice Bucket Challenge. Howard played the clip of Zac making his nomination. Howard said Eric must have been beaming. Eric said he was. He said he did donate even though he didn't do the bucket challenge. Howard asked if he thinks Zac is good looking. Eric said he doesn't think so. Robin asked if he has ever seen a handsome man. Eric said he doesn't know. Eric said he is not homophobic. Howard asked who is built better, Howard Stern or Zac Efron. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard asked who in wrestling has the best build. Eric said John Cena. Howard said Eric is so gay. Howard asked what makes his body nice. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard said he really has to go anyway.
Howard said Eric turned down the Ice Bucket Challenge and he had audio of that. Howard played that and Eric explained why he can't do it. Howard said Eric could have done what he did and just made it funny. Howard said just because their doctors say they can't do it they can still make it funny. Howard said even Good Day L.A. talked about Eric being challenged by Zac Efron. Howard played that clip and they talked about Eric being challenged and turning down the challenge. They said he didn't donate or anything but that wasn't true. Eric did give $100. Howard asked where he got that kind of money. Howard said he didn't have to give that much. Eric said that he hasn't tweeted since April so they are reading the wrong Twitter account.
Gary said a lot of the guys there want to see the receipt for his donation. They don't believe him. Howard asked if he has any proof. Eric said he will send it in. Howard thanked him. Howard said Eric was mentioned in the news. He said that's good for his acting career. Howard said that he also thinks that John Cena has a nice body. Howard said that should get some news coverage.
Eric said that Brickleberry is on next Tuesday night. He just wanted to get that in since he does a voice this season. Howard asked Eric what it is about John Cena that makes his body so good. Eric said he doesn't check out things like that. Howard asked what made him say he has a good body. Eric said he was just coming up with a name to shut him up. Fred did his impression of Eric and talked about John Cena's big guns. Howard said he'll let him off the hook. Eric said he does have big biceps. Howard said he has pythons. Eric said a lot of wrestlers have that. Howard thanked him for the call. He was going to let him go but then asked if he was in a movie and had to kiss Zac or John Cena, which one would it be. Eric said neither. Robin said she wants to challenge Eric to kiss a guy to get people to donate to charity. Howard said Eric won't do that. He let Eric go after that. They played him out with a theme song and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he always loved the band Bush. He said Gavin from Bush is there. He said that they broke up for a while and now they're back together. Howard said that the new album is called ''Man on the Run.''
Howard said he and Gavin email each other once in awhile. Gavin said the last email was great. Howard said that's the one where he wrote him about his song ''Silence.'' Howard said he liked that song a lot. Gavin said he saw Howard at Brad Grey's wedding and he told him to come in and promote it.
Howard said that they say that the whole concept of an album is outdated. Howard asked if he thought about that. Gavin said that he thinks you make a record to make a record. He said he doesn't just want to make one song. He said he writes a whole bunch. He said there are about 17 people left who want to listen to a record the whole way through. Howard said he still likes doing that. Robin said she'll sign up. Gavin said now they're up to 18 people.
Howard said he likes listening to whole albums. He said even some of the songs that weren't hits were more important to him than the hits.
Howard asked Gavin if he was worried about being treated seriously. Gavin said it was and it's still a mystery. He said that he pops up now and again with a hit record. Howard said he has sold tons of albums. Gavin said he's still under the radar. He said he's working toward a career. He said he's close. Howard said he thinks he's got one.
Howard said he has a lot of hits. Howard played Glycerine and said that one seems to be associated with Gavin. Howard played some of that and asked if they take a long time to write. Gavin said that one just came out at once. He said he was writing it in a bedroom in a basement in London. He said he remembers going in to play it with the band in a shitty rehearsal room. He said the guys were talking amongst themselves in the middle of it. Howard asked why they were ignoring it. Gavin said they were busy. Howard played more of the song. He said he loves it.
Howard said the song is about a girl he dated for 5 years and it didn't work out. Gavin said that it's not a reference to soap. He said it's about the explosive stuff. Howard asked if he was expressing remorse. Gavin said that's what he does as an Englishman. Howard said he feels dead inside at times and he thinks that's why he wouldn't be a good song writer.
Gavin said he carries around a lot of guilt. He said he's half Jewish. Howard said he feels guilty too. He said he gets that. Gavin said most of his songs are about guilt. Howard said he really loves this song. He asked if the guys in the band knew he did the job and congratulated him and said the song was great. Gavin said they don't use that word over there.
Howard asked Gavin about this new album and how long that took to do. Gavin said the band didn't want to work and he did his own thing while they were off. Howard said he thinks when you have a band there's a song writer and a front man and that has to be a lot of pressure. Howard said he has to come through for the guys. Gavin said they don't have to work so late into the night. He said that everything was fine. He said they didn't fall out. He said they drifted. Gavin said one of the guys said he couldn't tour because of his kids. He said he wrote the solo album in that time. Robin asked why he needs a band. Gavin said he'd write the songs on his own but then they'd put a song together and the guys would kill themselves playing. He said it was a total band.
Howard asked if it's weird set up when you write the songs. Gavin said he always made sure he took care of the guys. He said that they made a deal where he paid them fine. He said that he wanted them to be happy and not hassle him to write with him. He said it worked out fine. Howard asked if the guys wanted to write with him. Gavin said he told the guys early on that they would write the B-sides. He said if a single did well then they'd get paid on both sides of the record. Gavin said that way they got paid well either way.
Howard played another Bush song that he liked called ''Machinehead.'' Howard said he really likes that one too. Howard said Gavin said in interviews it's about losing your ego. Howard said that's almost impossible. Gavin said it is very tough. Gavin said he was singing on the show once and he sang ''Wake up, wake up'' instead. Gavin said that he was going to play again for Howard this morning but they couldn't handle the volume of the band. Howard said he's set up in there for loud. He said he can't believe that.
Howard played another Bush song he likes called ''Swallowed.'' Howard asked if he remembers writing that. Gavin said he does and he remembers the girlfriend at the time being intense about everything but their relationship. Howard asked if he needs a woman to be focused on him. Gavin said he does like it. Robin said Gwen Stefani can't be like that. Gavin said that's what he's talking about. Howard said that you just want that one significant person in your life. He said they're like little boys. Gavin said he needs his wife to travel with him. He said Gwen is the most beautiful icon in the world. He said that she deserves to have that too. He said that they ruined each other. He said she's on such a roll right now. Howard said that they love the idea of a strong, independent woman but at the end of the day you want someone to be like a mother to you. Gavin said then you have kids and it changes all over.
Howard said he had to go to therapy over that. Gavin said he's still in therapy over that. Howard asked how many days a week he goes. Gavin said it's one day but he doesn't mind 2. Howard said he's at 3. Gavin asked if he can take one of his days. Howard said sure. He said he thinks he likes his songs because they're about that kind of stuff.
Howard asked if he was ever into drugs. Gavin said he never was. He said he wrote about drugs because he knew people who were on them. He said it's been tough looking through the pictures of the 20th anniversary of the band because they've lost so many. He said it's been quite emotional. Gavin said seeing those photographs you think life is infinite but there's a clock right behind your head. He said he felt sad about that.
Howard said the hardest part about getting older is watching people go. Howard said they lost Joan Rivers and you watch people die and you realize your own mortality. Howard said he didn't think it was going to happen to him. Then shit starts happening and it's very heavy. Howard asked Gavin if he thinks he's a better song wrier now. Gavin said he is. He said he loves doing it and he worked harder on this new record than any he's ever worked on. He said they had a great band and great producers. Gavin said the guys love to play. He said he loves the road. He said he has new guys playing with him.
Howard asked Gavin about his kids and how he's going to motivate them to do something. Gavin said they have to live in a gated community and he never thought he'd live like that. He said that Gwen wants to go to the beach because she's from Orange County. He said they have to bring like 40 people. Gavin said that his mom sees all of the Paparazzi photos and tells him how nice the hat was that he was wearing. He said that's how she keeps up with them.
Howard said Gwen is the sexiest woman alive. Gavin said she's great. He said that he's not sure if that lipstick is real or not because it always looks so perfect.
Gavin told Howard how he met Gwen and how he knew that it was love at first sight. Gavin said he was doing a sound check in an arena and she was out there roller skating around the arena. Howard asked if she was trying to get his attention. Gavin said he hopes so. Howard asked if he ever asked her about that. Gavin said that she could have gone on the outside to skate but she came in to watch him. He said she would be at the back staring on to the stage and he'd be watching her. He said halfway through the show they'd take her away. He said he'd be deflated after seeing that. He said then he'd have to turn around and look at the 15,000 people in the arena. Howard said it has to be great to have someone watching you like a rock god.
Howard said there aren't really rock gods anymore. Gavin said that it's not dead. He said there are some great rock bands still making records. He said that it's not dead. He said Foo Fighters have a new album coming out soon. He said there are others too.
Howard asked if Gavin wanted to make it more poppy. Gavin said his last record sold really well and he's releasing this new one with Red which is part of Sony. Howard said he always thought that recording in your home never really worked. He said then the Foo Fighters had that Sound City movie and they did really well. Gavin said that Bush recorded their album The Sea Of Memories on that deck that they used in Sound City. He said he told Dave that he could have been in that movie. He said Dave did let him record some of the new songs on that deck at his house.
Howard said that he thought Gavin was done having kids but he had another one. Gavin said that he got an email from Gwen with a subject of ''Look what you've done to me now'' and it had the pregnancy stick in it. He said this was unplanned. Howard said she shouldn't have told him and just let the kid come.
Gavin asked Howard how his guitar playing is coming. Howard said he took up painting so he's into that now. Gavin said he's such a big fan of the show that he brought him something. He showed him the guitar he had and it was a very special one according to Gavin. Howard said he really has to learn to play. Gavin said it's a Fender Strat and it's a reissue of a 50s guitar. He said if he shows it to his friends they'll be envious. Howard asked what that costs. Gavin said it's $8,000. Howard asked if he can sell it on ebay. Gavin said he can if they can split the money. Howard thanked him and said that's very sweet of him. Gavin said that Fender stepped up with that.
Howard asked what's going on with The Voice. Gavin said that he and Gwen have the same manager. He said that Christina Aguilera is managed by them too. He said that Gwen takes the show very seriously. He said that the manager said that Gwen wanted him to be her mentor on the show. Gavin said that he thinks that it's good promotion too. Howard said years ago it would have been unheard of to be on one of those shows. Gavin said that you have to go with the times. Gavin said he got a list of names of people who were supposed to be mentors on the show and he wasn't on the list. He said the next day his manager told him he was on the show. He said then Gwen freaked out and got upset about the whole thing. Gavin said that she wanted to be Gwen and not just his wife. He said this was a shock. He said you should never have heated conversations and then go to sleep. He said he woke up at 4:45 in the morning and resigned from the show. He said he felt awkward about it and he didn't want to compete with her career. Gwen then woke up and they were talking and she was fine with it. Gavin said they did it together and it was the most incredible thing. He said there is a pressure there and you don't want to mess up. He said Howard knows that with America's Got Talent. He said she was right there with him and it was great. He said he didn't want to interrupt her on the show so he waited for her to finish all the time.
Gavin said that he did the show for 2 days and ran out of opinions. He said he didn't have anything to say for a month after that. Howard said Gavin had some nice things to say about his wife there. He said that he doesn't want to upset her by being there so he was ready to leave. Howard said he would be fascinated to see them working together on the show. Gavin said he was too. Howard asked if he knows how they edited it. Gavin said he doesn't yet.
Howard asked if he has people telling him it's not cool to be on The Voice. Gavin said that the talent shows are taking over and he hates standing in the back complaining about people not buying records. He said you can get washed over if you don't move on. Gavin said these contestants come in and they want to do well. He said they sing great too. He said you have to respect that. He said if a girl comes in at 16 and can sing very well he knows as a singer that she has been singing every day since she was 6. He said that you don't just have a great voice and come out and perform that well.
Howard said he doesn't look to bash people who come out and don't sing that well. He said he was awful at the age of 18. He said that he believes in putting in years to get better. Gavin said that Malcolm Gladwell talks about how you need 10,000 hours to get really good. Howard said that's what he believes.
Howard asked what the big moment was for Gavin. Gavin said meeting Nigel was a big deal. He said he still takes guitar lessons. He said he takes them in French so he's not sure what the guy is saying. Gavin said he sat down one day when he was looking for a guitar player and realized he had to sit down and write a song on his own with the guitar. He said that the first song he ever wrote on his own was ''Come Down.'' Gavin said that he was trying to start a band and he found Nigel. He said that he brought him Come Down and they did a demo. He said he liked the sound of that and asked if he wanted to write with him. He said Nigel said he thinks he should bring the songs and that's why he writes the songs. He said he still needs the band though. He said they embellish the song. He said he brings the burger and they bring the beautiful sauce. Howard played some of ''Come Down'' and said that's a great song.
Howard said he wants that with Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes. Howard said his story is so great. Gavin said the other thing he gets is people asking advice on music. He said he was rejected for so long. He said that you have to find that fine line between people who you trust and people who don't know you. He said they don't see the future. He said they're going by face value. Gavin said he was doing this at 18 and 19 and he knew his voice would get better. He said you have to have the faith and ability. Howard said everyone looks at the finished product and not the struggle.
Robin asked what made him get over that rejection. Gavin said he had nothing to fall back on. He said he signed a deal with a small independent label that everyone told him not to sign with. He said the guy who ran it died in a helicopter crash. He said that this company inherited the album ''Sixteen Stone'' and they said there wasn't a single song they could put out as a single. He said they dropped them. Gavin said then he got a call saying that the record had broken on K-Rock and he had no idea what that was. Howard said they're running out of time so he has to wrap up but he wants Gavin to come back.
Howard played another Bush song and then played Gavin's biggest hit which was ''Love Remains the Same''. Howard said he sounds like a really sad guy. Gavin said he is. He said he has been on medication that messed him up so bad that he closed his hand in the door of his car and he just looked at it in slow motion staring at it. He said he'd just sit down in the middle of the day and not feel anything. He said he had to stop taking that stuff so he could write. Howard said that song makes him sad. Gavin said ''Sorry.'' Howard said he actually likes that.
Gavin mentioned that his 12th anniversary is coming up soon. Howard asked if they had a lot of people saying that they'd never make it. Gavin said that they were never sure. He said that they went on vacation once and they had such a great time and someone handed him a magazine with a picture of them on the cover with the headline ''Split!'' Howard said he read that. He said that you start to wonder if it's true. Gavin said that it was on the same day of the shooting down of the plane and you'd think that it didn't have any place in the media on that day. He said that he doesn't understand that. Howard said there are people who say they never read that stuff but you know they do. Howard asked if it's painful to tell your wife about that. Gavin said that it's super painful. He said that people just want you to fail. He said the reason it happened was because he was trying to be funny but he has a dry sense of humor. He said he isn't as funny as Howard. He said that he jokingly said that he and Gwen don't have time for each other and that's why they've been together so long. He said they took that and made it into something it wasn't.
Gavin said that Howard and Beth are so great together. He said it's so clear how much they love each other. He said he's the same with Gwen. He said he doesn't want to make her feel like that. He said it's horrible when you do that.
Gavin told Howard the color of that guitar is See Through Blonde. Howard said he has to make sure he gets to the new album ''Man on the Run''. Gavin said this is the world premiere of the single. Howard said he thinks Gavin is a great guy. He said he wants to give him a present in return for the guitar. He said he wants to give him Benjy. Howard said he's an original. Howard said he can't wait to see the dynamic between Gavin and Gwen on The voice.
Howard asked what the single is on the new album. Gavin said it's called ''The Only Way Out.'' He said that the only way out is through and right into the heart of all of these problems you have. He said that's what it's about.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Howard talks to that good looking kid on AGT that he needs to get in touch with the audience. Howard said he gets a lot of shit about that. He said he isn't trying to be negative. He said he's trying to be helpful but he gets booed anyway. Howard said he's sure he'll get booed again this week.
Howard asked Gavin if they ever take nude pictures that could end up on the cloud. Gavin said he told Gwen that Facetime is great but she told him to forget about it. Howard said that his shrink wanted to do that but he won't even get on a phone to talk about his stuff. Howard wrapped up with Gavin and played the song ''The Only Way Out'' as they went to break. After the song Fred played a Terrorizing Telemarketers call featuring Jim Florentine talking to a guy about a job and belching through the whole call.
Howard came back and said that Kerri Kasem is there. He said she's the daughter of Casey Kasem. Robin said they haven't seen her in a long time. Howard said she's Casey's beautiful daughter. Howard asked if she's married. She said she's with someone but not married. Kerri said she never went out with guys with money. She said she's not sure why. She said she's very happy with the guy she's with now. She said that he's an amazing man.
Howard asked why Kerri never got married. Howard asked if her parents breaking up had anything to do with that. Kerri said she was only 7 at the time. She said her career came first all the time too. She said she's been in radio since 1997. Howard asked what she does in radio. She said she does a talk show. She said she had a show with Nikki Sixx for a while. She said she quit the show to fight for her father. She's back on radio now though.
Howard said that Kerri and Ryan Seacrest never went out but she did see him. Kerri said that they did make out. Howard said that if he was with her there was no way he wouldn't have sex with her. Kerri said she was the one who declined sex. She said that she doesn't do that on the first or second date. Howard said it's very weird that her dad was the host of American Top 40 and she would have been with the guy who took that over. Robin said that wouldn't be that strange.
Howard said that he wants to figure out what's going on with Casey Kasem's body. Howard said that he thinks that it's about money or something. He said it's all very strange. Howard asked Kerri about Casey marrying Jean. Howard said he always thought they were an odd looking couple. Howard said Jean looked like a big man or sometime. Howard asked if she ever got along with Jean. Kerri said they did when she thinks she was faking it. Kerri said there were times when she was nice to them. Kerri said that went downhill quickly. Howard asked if she was being nice because she was the girlfriend. Kerri said that could be it. She said that Jean was nice between the times that she wasn't nice. Howard asked if she wanted her to not like them. Kerri said she was 9 at the time and she really wanted her to like her. Howard said that her dad must have wanted to be with them. Kerri said he fought for custody for 10 years. He said they were with him on the weekends and with their mom on the weekdays.
Kerri said that Jean would tell her dad that they did something wrong just to get him mad at them. She said that one time she said that her brother said something to her that never happened. She said that her dad chased him and spanked him. She said her dad eventually caught on though.
Kerri said she had a penguin that she slept with. She said that the dog chewed the beak off. She said that Jean said that she would fix it up if she left it for her. She said that she didn't want to hand it over but she did. She came back the next weekend and she had thrown that stuffed animal to the dogs. She said she's not sure what they did but they weren't invited to the wedding. She said they were with the old wife and not with her. She said she thinks Jean wanted them to know that this was separate.
Howard asked if her dad ever distanced himself from them. Kerri said he would listen to them and never did. Howard asked if she resents her dad for not leaving her. Kerri said she used to. She said that she had anger for him. Kerri said that she never went to visit any of the family. She said she had resentment for her dad. Kerri said that her dad valued morals and ethics and it didn't make sense to her. She said that Jean hated everyone he loved. She said that she thinks he didn't leave because they had a child together. Howard said he was in love with her and she was looking in on the relationship. Howard said he's not sure what's on her mind but maybe she had it with Kerri.
Howard asked if she ever lost touch with her dad. Kerri said that she never did. She said she still has some of the messages on her phone. She said that he called them every day.
Howard asked why she thinks that her dad didn't leave anything for them in the will. Kerri said that they don't know what's in the will. She said they haven't seen it. She said they don't even know about the trust yet. Kerri said they're trying to work it out now. She said they know there's a trust and that Jean is going after them for it.
Howard said that they say Casey was worth about $80 million. Howard said when people are that wealthy they have a lot of things set up and this is weird to them. Kerri said they think there were changes made when he was very sick. Kerri said they knew the 2007 one. She said they knew there was a Do Not Resuscitate in that one. She said that if he left them nothing then that's fine.
Howard asked what year all of this started. Kerri said Jean and Casey moved out of their house into a hotel when their pipes broke. She said that Jean told the hotel not to put them through when they called. She said her dad was sick but not to the point where he wasn't able to talk or walk. Kerri said he would call them but they weren't able to get through to him. Kerri said that Jean must have paid people not to put them through.
Howard asked if they ever tried to have a talk with Jean. Kerri said they did. She said they all sat down and talked with her dad and Jean. She said her sister and brother were there too. Kerri said they all asked Jean what it was and she just turned to them and said she will never forgive them. She said she has no idea what she did to her.
Kerri said that her dad went into the hospital and Jean never told them. She said that they asked her to tell them what that happens and Jean went ballistic on them. Howard said she lost all contact with Casey when he lost the ability to speak. Kerri said that she did. Howard said it's sad and the most bizarre situation ever. Kerri said it is. She said they got a court order to be able to see him. Kerri said that Jean stopped answering calls and emails. She said Jean took the phone out of his room and told the help no contact with them at all. Howard said these are her accusations and Jean has the right to respond to this. Kerri said that's true. She said that the things that they heard went on in that house with her were so atrocious. Howard said she feels there was abuse to her dad and they think that an autopsy would show that he was abused. Kerri said that they have doctors and nurses to prove it. She said she can't talk about it because there's an ongoing investigation. She said that they have doctors, nurses and caretakers that they will have on the stand to talk about all of the things that went on.
Howard asked if she's in contact with the half sister. Kerri said that Jean stopped contact early on so they don't know each other at all.
Howard asked if she knows where her dad is now. Kerri said he's in Oslo, Norway. She said she didn't want to fight after her conservatorship ended when he died. She said she saw him take his last breath. Kerri said that she got that full conservatorship at the end. She said that Jean took him from the nursing home and didn't visit him for 4 months. She said that Jean took him out of the room and threw him in the back of an SUV. She said it's all on video. Howard said he's not sure about all of that and these are her accusations.
Kerri said they did everything they could to save her dad. She said that they had to take him off fluids because he was drowning. She said that they put him back on and it was the most terrifying thing. She said she could see the terror in his eyes. She said it was horrifying to see it going on. She said they did everything they could to save him but Jean put him back on fluids and she killed him. Kerri said that her dad was doing better when they took him off fluids. She said that he was able to speak and then Jean started screaming that they had blood on their hands for killing him. Kerri said she doesn't like this woman but her dad wanted her there in the last moments but they never showed up. Howard said this is some fucking scene going on.
Howard said Kerri wants the body under her direction. Kerri said he wanted to be buried in Forrest Lawn. She said that her dad had a conversation with a friend who says that he told him that he wanted to be buried there. Kerri said they're trying to get the body back. Kerri said she has a petition on Care2.com to get Casey his last dying wish.
Howard said this whole thing is so nuts. Kerri said she can't even talk about what they've done to her dad. She said that's all going to come out in court. Howard said he sees the pain Kerri is in and it's awful. Howard said he sees the pain is genuine too.
Kerri said that she's not sure why Jean is keeping all of Casey's friends and family away from him. She said that if there was any kind of sane reason for this she'd tell them. She said there is none and she's not sure why Jean has gone so far off the edge. Howard said there's a lot he doesn't understand. He said even the fact that she's not married is something he doesn't understand. Kerri said she has a great boyfriend.
Howard wondered how Ryan Seacrest didn't bang her. Kerri said he did ask. This was a very long time ago though. Howard said it seems like yesterday to him.
Howard said this seems like it's consumed her life. Kerri said it has. She said she's getting into politics now. She said that it's led her into that. Kerri said that there is a big gap in the law about visitation and she's trying to get that changed. Kerri said that all this will do is allow a judge to rule on visitation. She said that's what she's trying to get passed. Kerri said it's very simple. Kerri said no state has this so she's trying to go state to state to get that going. Kerri said she has her radio show and she has this other lobbying thing going on.
Howard said that Kerri dated Corey Feldman and she said it was the best sex she ever had. Kerri said it was only the second guy she had sex with. She said that it really wasn't the best. Kerri said that was a long time ago too. Howard said he's trapped in her past.
Howard asked if Casey was annoyed with Ryan Seacrest. Kerri said that her brother should have gotten the job. She said that Jean put a stop to that too. Kerri said he was going to step in and take over but her step mother put the kibosh on that.
Howard said he should go over to Oslo and get her dad back for her. Robin said the boyfriend should be doing that. Howard said that Liam Neeson should play the role of the guy getting the body back.
Howard said he doesn't know the other side of the story but this side seems very compelling. Howard said it seems silly that it can't be resolved. Kerri said if you don't have someone on the other side who is sane then it's impossible. She said she just wants peace and in Jean's mind she's done something wrong that she never did. She said she's not sure they're dealing with someone who is really sane. Howard said it's a nightmare. He said he's glad she came in. Howard said he's all over the story.
Kerri said that she thinks that she can get her father's body back eventually. She said if you have a similar story she asks that you share it on KasemCaresFoundation.org.
Howard asked what she's doing with the vape pens. Kerri said that she has a web site called GoodVaporShop.com. She said that they sell them but not for marijuana. She said it's for smoking and they're like e-cigs. She said that they have shown that you can heal your lungs by switching from cigarettes to vape pens.
Howard asked how Kerri's mom felt about all of this stuff with Casey. Kerri said her mom loved her dad and she felt so bad. Howard said she's depressing him now. Howard gave her some plugs for all of the web sites she mentioned today. Howard asked if she will sleep with the person who gets her dad's body back. Kerri laughed and said she can't do that. Howard said good luck seeing her dad again. Howard asked Kerri to come back when she gets her dad back. She said she will.
Howard asked if Kerri ever heard the phony phone call they made using her dad's countdown. She said she did and it was hilarious. Howard said he'll take her down memory lane and play it for her. Howard thanked Kerri for coming in and wished her luck getting it all sorted out. Kerri said that just won't happen. She said Jean hates them and she wishes she knew what she had done. Howard said he may have to sit them down and sort it all out.
Howard played the Casey Kasem countdown call to a Chinese restaurant as they were wrapping up. They went to break after that.
Jason came in and said that they get these little red flags next to injured players. He said Scott's whole team is just about red. Scott said there are just 3. Howard said it's hard to believe how old these guys are.
Howard said he heard a rumor that Scott is smoking again. Scott said he is. He said he had quit for 10 years. He said that it's been a couple of months. He said he will stop again. Scott said he was under pressure and he doesn't want to say why. Howard said he's flirting with disaster. Scott said he knows that. Robin said he has COPD. Scott said he knows he's an asshole. He said he's not happy about it. Scott said he started from stress. He said now he's decided to do two things. He said he's losing weight.
Howard said Scott came in second in the football league. Scott said he lost by 1 point to JD's team so he was actually 5th. He said they do things a little differently. Scott said Gary came in last. Jason said Gary came in last with flying colors. He said Gary really tries and he's very eager. Gary said it's only a week into the season. He told them to give him a break. Gary said he needs some time.
Jason said it's a continuation of last season. Jason also said that Scott finished in 7th place this week. He said he lost and that's that. Robin said that he made it sound like he came in second.
Howard said poor Gary can't get it right. Jason said he knows nothing compared to Gary and he came in second. He said he listens to Matthew Berry and he does really well. He said he doesn't know anything like Will, Gary and Jon know. Howard said Gary came in dead last in the last season.
Howard told Scott to go have a cigarette. Robin said he already has a cigarette related illness and he's smoking again. Howard said they all have stress there. Howard said no eulogy for Scott. The door squeaked on the way out so Fred said that's the coffin squeaking.
Howard asked what the statement is from Ray Rice's wife. He asked if it's real or not. Gary said they think it's real. Howard read the quote and the alleged wife was saying that she feels like she's in a nightmare. She said that they are reliving something that they regret every day. The person said that they're going to show what real love is. Howard said that he feels horrible for her. He said she has a victim mentality. Howard said he feels bad for her. Robin said that she says it was just one horrible day. Howard said the guy abused her and she has a sickness too that she can put up with that. Robin said she married him after that day when he knocked her out and dragged her out of an elevator.
Howard said he was thinking about heaven and hell. He said they have to be the exact same place. Howard said these Muslim guys talk about dying and getting 75 virgins. Howard said that must be their heaven but then the virgins are in hell so it must be the same place. Robin said that's here on earth because that's what we live every day.
Howard said that Jay Leno kept Joan Rivers off the Tonight Show because he thought that's what people wanted. He said Leno can't do anything on his own. He said he has to do what he thinks people want him to do. Howard said that Johnny didn't even want Jay on the Tonight Show.
Howard said Fred wasn't invited to the Joan Rivers funeral. Howard asked if he would have gone. Fred said probably. Howard said Benjy got an invitation but it was to go somewhere else.
Howard said that the founder of Chik-Fil-A died and he hasn't been asked to do the eulogy yet. Howard said he's not sure why Fred is always forgotten. Fred said he has big fans in his wife and daughter.
Howard said that he wants to thank the Magnet Theater. He said that they spent the day working with the crew there. Howard said that they were doing improv. He said he heard Scott did nothing but yell and scream. Benjy said that he was actually really fun. He said it was a great day. Howard said he wanted to thank them for doing that. Howard said they heard that they worked with groups for other businesses and they had them come down and do that. Howard said that's why the show was so good today.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's been screaming her lungs out. She said that Howard has to feel it. Howard said he does. Howard said he hates it when the other judges get attention. Howard said he wants the crowd to be silent when the other judges come out and just cheer for him.
Mariann told Howard about seeing Beth at AGT and taking a selfie with her. She asked if Yoda is getting better. Howard said that he is. Howard said that they got this 2 year old cat and named him Yoda. Howard said that his heart was failing and they said that he wasn't going to live very long. Howard said he was skinny and dirty when they got him. Howard said Beth said that she was taking in this cat so he'd die comfortably. Howard said that he was up for it but he knew she'd be a mess. Howard said Beth wanted to do it so he said okay. Howard said they have a big house so why not. Howard said this cat was so matted and it was a mess. They gave Yoda a month or two to live.
Howard said he's getting attached to this cat. He said they have all of these kittens living with them too. He said they foster the kittens and they have no mother. They start to sleep on Yoda. He said the other cats don't care about the kittens. He said that Yoda will heard them if they leave the room. He said he's like a mother to them. Howard said his wife posts video of this on her Instagram. He said this has happened with 5 sets of foster kittens. He said that this cat has a purpose in life. He said this is where it gets crazy. He said the cat is still alive. He said this is 6 months past what they gave him.
Howard said just a couple of days ago this vet comes over. Howard said they asked him to listen in on his heart. The vet said there was nothing wrong with the heart. Howard said they took the cat to two other vets and they said there is nothing wrong with this cat's heart. Robin asked if it's been cured. Howard said they say he's doing fine. Howard said this Yoda has become this beautiful cat. Howard said every time they tell people the story they get the chills. Howard said Beth thinks that it would make for a good children's book. Howard said that Beth wants to do that and give the money to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard said Beth went to the people who published her book and they want to do this children's book (Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens). It's happening.
Robin said she doesn't believe this story. Howard said that the cat has been on medication and they may take him off the mediation eventually. Robin said there's no reason to keep it on the medication. Howard said they don't understand it. He said it's a medical miracle. Howard said they couldn't revive Joan but this cat lives on. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news with a story about a 51 year old woman who is pregnant. Howard said that's pretty weird. Howard said he has a weird feeling about that. Howard said that you can't be 51 and conceiving. Howard said you don't even have any eggs then. Robin said she has a 2 year old child so she had another at 49. Howard said that he doesn't even want to think about women having eggs inside them. Robin said Howard has sperm inside of him. Howard said he's grossed out by that too.
Howard remembered a show moment from a long time ago when this woman came on and sang her ''Taboo'' song. That led to Fred playing the song Howard was talking about. Howard said that he remembers another song where someone sang ''What up with the youth'' and asked Robin if she remembers who sang that. Robin didn't know. It was Corey Feldman.
Robin read about how Melissa Rivers is being commended for the way she handled her mom's funeral. Howard said she did a great job. Howard said it was perfect. Robin had some audio of Mel Brooks talking about Joan Rivers on Conan O'Brien's show. Howard said that he got a note from Melissa last night and they're taking this funeral on the road. He said tickets are on sale now. Howard said they'll have clowns and magic acts from AGT on the road trip too.
Robin read a story about the 40th anniversary of Young Frankenstein. Robin said it's coming out on Blu-Ray. Howard said he has to get into watching movies again. He said that movie is a classic. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about American Idol and if they have found any actual American Idols. Howard said they found Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Robin said that she's not really idols. Robin had some audio of Carrie singing the Sunday Night Football theme. Howard played that and said she's hot. Howard said she slimmed down and looks hot. Robin said she's having a baby. Howard said she used to be hot.
Robin read that Neil Patrick Harris is married. Robin said he married David just recently. Howard said that he had them over to his house with their two kids. Howard said they have their hands full.
Robin read a story about the person who will replace Craig Ferguson. His name is James Corden. Robin said he's a comedian and he has a Tony Award. Robin said they say he should be starting early next year. Howard said he can't think of anyone who make it with that accent. Robin said Craig has been there for a few years. Howard said he did 10 years so it must be a success. Robin had audio of Craig Ferguson talking about his replacement. Howard said Craig should come clean and say that he got out because he's not taking over for Dave. Howard said now this guy is taking over for him. He said no one is allowed to be bitter. Howard asked what happened to hating people and competition. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he'd be fuckin' pissed. Howard said he put in his 10 years and now he's being discarded. Howard said no one gets uptight. Howard did his Leno impression and talked about how he had no fight in him either. Howard said he acted like he didn't care that Fallon was replacing him. Howard said these guys don't get passionate. Howard had Jay talking about how Jimmy could cum on his face and he wouldn't mind. Robin asked if Letterman did that with Colbert. Howard said he did. Howard said he welcomed him on the show. Howard kept doing his Leno impression and goofed on him for a little longer.
Robin read a story about a woman who is suing the Late Show with David Letterman over her internship. Robin read about how she read over 40 hours a week during that internship. Robin said the woman is trying to get wages for those hours. Robin said CBS is saying they will vigorously defend themselves like that. Howard said that if you don't like it then leave. Howard said that's been his motto. Robin said that internships help with your career. Robin said that it seems abusive to keep them more than 40 hours a week. Howard said that 90 percent of his staff were interns at some point. Howard said Benjy, Will, Steve Brandano and Jason were all interns at some point. Howard said he treats people very well. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the show Sons of Guns. Robin said that it's a TV show where they do custom guns for people. Robin said the star of the show, Will Hayden, has been arrested after his daughter accused him of raping her as a young girl. Robin said one of his kids came forward and defended him but now she's accusing him of raping her too. Robin said that both daughters are claiming they're victims.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if Joan's passing has cause him to look at life differently now. Howard said no. Bobo said sometimes you look at things differently. Howard said it didn't happen to him. Bobo said he's moving on to AGT now. Howard said that Bobo's wife moved to Florida to separate him from the show and he's still calling in. Bobo said that he lost signal yesterday and he was freaking out. He said he got into a real bad depression. Robin asked if his wife really moved him to get him away from the show. Bobo said his wife wanted to move 8 years ago. Robin said she must hate the show. Bobo said she loves the show. Howard said next stop Cuba. Robin said it might be the Moon.
Bobo said that he thinks Matt Franco has to get the money on AGT. Howard said he has no idea who the winner will be. He said it could be the cute guy who sings. He said Emily West can sing and she could win it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's looking forward to AGT this week. He said he thinks they have their own Kelly Clarkson with Emily West. He said she's amazing. Howard said she really is. Howard said they're heading into the final 2 weeks of the season.
Robin read a story about how 1 in 5 women have been raped in their life at some point. Howard said everyone he knows has a rape story.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who said that Sons of Anarchy is on tonight and it's the season finale. Howard said that he's confused. Speech said it wrong. He meant the season premiere. Howard said he has already seen the first 3 episodes of the season. He said he loves the show. He said it's a lot of fun. Howard said that he'll give him some recommendations. Howard said that the opening of Boardwalk Empire was great. He said Ray Donovan is greater than ever too. Robin said that Howard has her hooked on The Bachelor and The Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said that show is too fucked up for him. Robin said that Juan Pablo is going to be on another reality show.
Robin read a story about Ray Rice's wife and the statement that she put out. That's what Howard read earlier in the show. Robin said that Ray Rice was cut from the Raven's yesterday and he can't play this season. Howard said that might stop him from beating women. Robin had some audio of some people commenting on the cut.
Robin had some audio of Bill Maher on David Letterman's show last night. He was commenting on Hillary Clinton and things like that.
Howard said he has every Baba Booey that occurred at the golf games over the weekend. Howard said they're even happening at the women's tournaments. Howard said that there was an article about whether to not it's good for the game and they think it is. Howard said that he has about 100 of these Baba Booeys. JD said they happened at the U.S. Open too. Howard said this is exciting. Howard had JD stick with him while he plays some of them. Howard played one from the U.S. Open during a Serena Williams match. JD said he thinks that it's the same guy yelling it out the whole time. Howard asked JD if he's still with that girl. JD said he is and it's been a couple of months. Howard played another Baba Booey from the tennis match.
Howard played some of the Baba Booeys from some golf tournaments. He had some really clear ones that sound like they're next to the player. Howard had a bunch of those to play. JD told Howard about some of the other clips he had to play. There was one where the guy screamed out Baba Booey. Howard said you can really get that on there.
Howard asked if the Howard 100 News report about his girlfriend moving stuff in is true. JD said she didn't move stuff in. He said she just left some things. He said there might be some feminine products. Howard said that's cool. He asked what kind of stuff it is. JD mumbled out that there might be tampons there. There's a toothbrush there and some clothes. That led to Fred doing his impression of JD for a short time. Howard asked if she just left stuff or did she ask. JD said she just left it. Howard said he'll give him the sex talk if he wants. JD said he's well aware of what's going on.
Howard said she has to be impressed with JD. Howard said he heard she went out with Richard and Steve on her own. JD said he was with them. Howard asked if it freaked him out when she left the toothbrush. JD said he didn't think about it too much. He said she's staying at his place when she's in town ''so you know... I dunno.''
Howard asked if he's using birth control or just pulling out. JD said he'd rather not talk about that. He said everything is being protected. JD said he's taking responsibility for whatever happens. Howard asked if he's using a rubber. JD said he is. Howard asked if he's pulling out. JD said he's not talking about this. He said he's not getting into anymore. Howard said he's coming to his office to have a talk. JD said we'll see. He said Howard has meditating to do.
Howard said he heard something else about JD. He said he hears all kinds of reports. JD said he knows. He said he hates these reports. Howard asked if she bought him that shirt he's wearing. JD said she did. Howard said it's like all his other shirts. Howard said he would have moved him into another area. He said he's actually fine. He said it's very big though. He said it looks like a tablecloth. Howard said JD has gotten heavy. JD asked if he had any other reports. Howard said JD loves it. Howard said no more pizza for JD. JD said okay and left. Howard said he's happy for JD now that he has a life. Howard said this girl's tampons are on the floor. Howard did his impression of JD with Fred for a minute.
Howard played some more Baba Booey shout outs from the golf tournaments. Howard said that's so great. He played a couple more and they were really clear ones. Howard said he heard a little kid yelled it out too. Howard played that one too. It sounded like a young boy screaming it out. Howard said he did it on the next hole too. Howard played that clip and that got a Baba Booey and a Howard Stern. Howard said by the time that kid is an adult he'll be a master.
Robin asked where the women's golf Baba Booeys are. Howard said he must have been wrong about that. JD told him they're in the column in pink. Howard played one of those and there was a guy who yelled it out. Howard said that they were wondering if Baba Booey is good for women's golf and they say it is in that article he was reading. Howard said they really need that in bowling. Howard said maybe the State of the Union address needs it too.
Robin read that Bill Clinton and George W. Bush were giving people some laughs yesterday. Robin had some audio of Clinton telling a story about Bush that got some laughs. Robin had some audio of Bush talking about what Clinton can expect when he becomes a grandfather.
Robin read a story about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Howard said Fred has that. Robin said it's when mothers drink when they're pregnant. Robin said that it is the leading cause of birth defects. Robin said that no amount of alcohol is safe for your child. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that. Robin read some of the statistics about pregnant women who drink.
Robin read a story about an illness in the west where children get a viral infection that is sending them to the hospital and could cause death. Howard said he wishes that everyone would fist bump instead of shaking hands. Howard said he wants to do that with women but Beth says it's very insulting. Howard said that it's a ridiculous habit.
Robin read about how Prince William and Catherine's pregnancy and how she's suffering with morning sickness.
Howard said he read that Kristin Wiig is doing full frontal nudity in her next film. Howard said that Mr. Skin is calling it a ''Muff See'' film. Howard said that he wants to see that.
Robin read about the big Apple announcements that are happening today. Robin said that there is big buzz about the new iPhone. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that.
Robin said one of the most anticipated video games of the year is on shelves now. Robin said that the game is called Destiny. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read about how Home Depot is saying that their payment system was hacked. Robin said that they say that all customers who shopped there since April can get free identity theft protection.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon asked why he started. Scott said he took one here and one there. He said he's up to about under half a pack a day. Jon asked if he just gave up the fight. Scott said he wants to get through this and just stop again. He said he did it for 10 years. He said he can do it again. Scott said he's just getting through this point in his life and he's going to stop again.
Scott said he thinks he's going to try some E-cigs. Jason said those are much healthier. Jason asked Scott what it was like when he bought that first pack of cigarettes again. Gary said Scott had to make that decision to buy them after having one here and there. Scott said he felt horrible. He said he put it off for a long time. Scott said he figured he'd get a pack and keep it around for a while. He said he knew what they cost but they were double what he used to pay.
Jason asked if he went back to his old brand. Scott said he didn't. He's smoking Marlboro Lights now. He said he used to smoke Merits. Jon asked when he opened it. Scott said he opened it right away. Jon asked if he's glad to be back. Scott said he's not. Jon asked if he smoked a couple right away. Scott said he didn't go right to them.
Jason asked if he smoked in that car before. Scott said he didn't. He said other people have smoked in it. Scott said he didn't care at that point.
Jon asked Scott when he thought about the vapes. Scott said that he has an E-cigarette. Gary said Scott asked him to get him a good vape pen like Kerri Kasem was selling. Jon asked how expensive they are. Gary said they can be like $300.
Shuli said that Scott is into the pens so he can smoke in the studio. He said he can't smoke around the building. Scott said he goes all day until about now when he can go downstairs to smoke. He said he goes about 8 hours without one.
JD asked who he asked for the cigarette. Scott said it wasn't anyone around there. Scott said that he knows people who smoke there. Gary said he has been getting emails for over 3 months now. He said that's how they knew he was smoking. Gary said he wanted to leave him alone but then it was clear he didn't care anymore.
Jon asked who Scott thinks came to Gary about it. Scott figured it was Jason. Jason said he had nothing to do with it. Scott said Shuli, JD, Sal and Richard knew. Shuli said he heard a construction worker saw him smoking. Scott said he knew that was going to come back to haunt him. Jon asked if he was hiding it. Scott said he was. He said he wouldn't smoke outside the building like everyone else. He said he'd go to the third block.
Gary said he used to go smoke at the local mall to hide it. He said he didn't want anyone to see him. Shuli said he followed Scott one day. He said he wanted to get a picture of him with a cigarette in his hand. Jason said everyone thinks that he's the rat there. It's not him.
Jon said this is huge show news. He said they hit Howard with it late in the show. He said there's no telling where it's going to go. Gary said it's not shocking. He said it would be if Jon smoked. He said that it's interesting but not shocking. Jason said that Peter Jennings was a smoker and he quit. Then he started again on 9/11 and died a year later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason is fat as a cow and he's not one to be talking. Jason said he sat next to a cow and he's not that big. Jason said he's not saying he's healthy but he wants to goof on Scott about smoking. Jason said his blood work is good and his blood pressure is good too. He said he's doing just fine.
Scott said he told his doctor he's smoking again and he told him he's an idiot. Jason asked Scott if he wants to start smoking something else. Gary told him not to do that because it'll slow him down even more.
Jon said that Scott used to be a pot smoker. Scott said he still does it when he has a chance. He doesn't do it a lot though.
Gary said he quit before they came to the Sirius building. He said he had to because they were on the 36th floor and he had to go down to the street to smoke. At K-Rock they had a room down the hall they could smoke in. They went to break after that.
Jon said Gavin is one of those guests who seems very comfortable with Howard. He said that Gavin is doing The Voice with his wife and the story about how he came to do the show was interesting. He said that they've been married for 12 years now and people didn't think they'd make it that long. Gary said they seem to be very grounded. He said Gavin always has.
Jon asked JD if he thought he was sad. JD said he seemed happy to him. Jon asked JD if he felt he had to wear that shirt his girlfriend gave him. JD said it fits so he wore it.
Gary said that he used to get shirts from Annemarie and she'd always get him the wrong size. He said he would just tell her it was the right size. Jason asked if JD worried about that. JD said he tried it on right away and she said she'd take it back if it didn't fit.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Scott ever touched Joan Rivers or spoke to her in the last few weeks. Scott said he did not in the last few weeks. He said he has encountered her in the past. Scott said he looked at Robin Williams too and he just passed away. He said just look at what he does to people. Jon said he loves when Scott does his own material.
Jon asked if anyone noticed Scott's smoking from the smell. Scott said that Ronnie noticed right away and said he smelled from smoke. Jason said that Ronnie is like the eye in the sky out there.
Jon said that Benjy complimented Howard on his looks. He asked if they felt he was going too far. Gary said he's not sure where he's going with that. He said it seemed over the top.
JD said this has been going on for a while with Benjy. He said there's something going on there but he's not sure what it is. Jon said it seems to be like what Sal used to do with Howard. He said he would overly praise Howard. Gary said Sal believed his own bullshit though. He said with Benjy it's different. He said that it might be Benjy's way of talking to Howard without getting his microphone shut off.
Jon and the guys talked about their improv session from the other day and how that went. They said Scott may have scared the instructor when he moved toward her in an aggressive way. Scott said that he moved toward the front of the stage even though they said not to so that might be it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon played some of King's call from today and went over that with the guys. That led to Gary talking about how the NFL has worked hard to get a female audience and they can't lose them to something like this.
Shuli said that King was talking about not ironing a shirt as a reason to hit a woman. He said that's so specific.
Jon asked Gary about Kerri Kasem and how she was in good spirits today. Gary said she was crying and you really felt what she's gone through. He said all she wants is what she thinks her dad wanted. Gary said that Joan Rivers got exactly what she wanted with her funeral and Casey didn't. He said it's terrible when you think about it. Jon said that you do feel for her. He said one of his favorite parts of the interview was Kerri listening to that phony phone call at the end of the interview. He said her reaction to it was great.
Gary said that James Brown took a long time to get buried. He said this Casey Kasem thing seems to be taking longer.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the news headlines. Shuli ran down a few things they had coming up today. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:25am.
Gary's Phlegm. 01/26/10. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Pat O'Brien ''Hot, Hot, Hot'' voice mail song parody, Sour Shoes prank calls to Steve Langford, Goo Goo Dolls performing ''Iris'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show talking about his tough morning. He said Gary is phlegmy today and he was having trouble listening to him. He said he's constantly clearing his throat. Howard said Robin's mic wasn't on either so he said that was the new way they were going to do the show. Robin said she could do that from home.
Howard said Gary was clearing his throat right from the beginning when he came in. Gary said that now it's done and he thinks it's his nerves around Howard. He said he's not nervous but this comes up as an issue and it makes him think about it even more so he clears his throat.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he hears it. Jon said he does but he thinks that Gary thinks about it when he goes in there and that makes it worse. Howard said it's a psychosomatic thing and he has to get that taken care of. Gary said if he stopped bringing it up on the air he wouldn't think about it. Howard told Robin she'd throw up from it.
Robin said she's heard it and you do want to throw up hearing it. Howard said he was going to throw up just thinking about it.
Howard got a note saying that Gary does that on the Wrap Up Show and he uses the cough button to cover it up. Howard asked if he's still smoking. Gary said he's not. He said it might be the weather. Howard said he doesn't know if it's the weather or not. He said it ruins his breakfast.
A Few Minutes With King Of All Blacks. 01/26/10. 6:25am
King of all Blacks called in and asked Gary what he does with the phlegm he coughs up. Gary joked that he spits it in a cup and drinks it. Howard said this was making him sick. Gary asked why he would take the call if it makes him sick. Howard said he gets sick just thinking about it. He said it's the one thing he does that kills him. He said he can put up with the foot fungus and all but not the phlegm. He said he tries to hide it and it gets worse.
King asked if the phlegm is like a clam or something. Howard said he had to get out of that conversation. King went on to ask Howard to be the godfather of his son. Howard said no. King asked if that's because he's black. Howard said he's not going to be the godfather to anyone he doesn't know that well. He said he likes King but he's not going to be such an important person in a stranger's life.
Gary said this was definitely sucking up to Howard and he knew that's why King was really calling in. King said this was about admiration of the man and that's why he's asking. He said he wouldn't ask Gary to be the godfather. Gary said he knows that he just wants to tell everyone that Howard Stern is his kid's godfather. Howard said he's honored that he's asking. Robin said Howard knows that it's ridiculous that he's asking at all.
Gary told Howard who he has as godfathers for his kids. His brother is one and King said that his brother is dead so he can't do that. His best friend lives in North Carolina so he can't ask him. Howard asked Gary what the godfather has to do. Gary said they have to do just about nothing but it's just a symbolic thing. Howard said he doesn't want to take responsibility for King's kid either. He said he can imagine getting stuck with his kid if something happened to King of all Blacks.
King told Howard that he wants him to ask Beth if she'll be the godmother. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said he's never been a godfather and he'd like to do something like that but not with King's kid. He said he should be involved in the kid's life in some way.
More Masturbation And Baby Sitter Porn For Howard. 09/12/11. 6:25am
Howard said he wasn't able to watch all of the 9/11 stuff yesterday. Robin said that they had a lot of stuff on and she had to turn it off. Howard said they just go over and over again with the 9/11 stuff. He said that they had all of these people talking about people dying and all of the horrible stuff they saw. Howard said he doesn't know what he would do if he was in a building and had to decide about jumping out. Howard said he gets so angry and frustrated just thinking about it. Robin said that they had people going up to the wall and doing the scrapings and you see how young everyone is.
Howard said he was washing up last night after masturbating to baby sitter porn. He said he was so disgusted with himself. He said he just cleaned up and put on the news. Howard said he had to act like an adult or a father of three daughters. Howard said he put on the news and he was so disgusted he wasn't able to get into it too deep. Howard said he had to have the TV on because he can't be alone and in quiet.
Howard said he put on E! and they had The Kardashians on. He said it was such a juxtaposition to put them on after the 9/11 stuff. Howard said the mother was sobbing to the daughters about her physical appearance. Howard said she's older and married to that Bruce Jenner who has done so much to his face. Howard said she was sobbing about that and he realized he went from devastation to this vapid woman. He said he realized that he'd rather watch that than the 9/11 coverage. Howard said this woman is a moron but he'd rather watch that. Howard said the Kardashians seme to make millions for doing nothing.
Howard said that the Kardashians aren't as bad as the Hiltons. He said he heard that Paris' show just got canceled. He said you really have to get into her life and pay attention to it all.
Howard said he beat off last night. He wasn't proud of it. Robin asked why Crosby Stills and Nash didn't start a song off like that. Howard said they could have done it. He made up his own lyrics to a song like that. He sang about beating off. Howard said that he saw this baby sitter porn that he watched last night. He said he's been watching this stuff for a long time now. He said there are maybe 40-50 clips and he's gone through them all. He said this one was particularly good. He said this woman has a good body but not a great face. He said she doesn't have huge titties either.
Howard said this girl shows up for a baby sitting job in a tied off top and a short skirt. He said that she's super skinny and he loves that. Howard said she's baby sitting and they don't have her meeting the parents or anything. She's already there. He said this other girl bursts into the house with her boyfriend and the girl says she's the sister of the kid she's babysitting for. Howard said the other girl gets the baby sitter naked and they pull off her skirt which is a rip away skirt. Howard said they get right into it and they find out that the baby sitter has a pierced clitoris. Howard said he could barely contain himself watching it. He said as soon as the girl pulled off her panties he was done. He said he is so heterosexual that he finishes that quick.
Howard said he can blow a load with just the girl taking her panties off. He said he sees a girl's leg he's just done. Howard said he might be the most heterosexual man in the country. Howard said he hears about guys who can last a long time with chicks and he thinks that they must be gay. Howard said if you're really into it then he figures you should finish fast.
Howard said he knew a guy who jerked of a bunch of times a day. Howard said he would come home and jerk off at lunch, then again at 3 and first thing in the morning. He'd do it a couple of other times during the day too. Howard said that guy is sick but this guy was really depraved. Howard said he was jerking off to pantyhose adds and stuff like that.
Howard said when he was a kid he would jerk off to a book that had a page with something a little erotic. Howard said he jerked off to Gilligan's Island too. He said he can jerk off to anything. He said he jerked off to a teacher's assistant. He said that he thought about this woman Mrs. Weinstock. He said he had this hot teaching assistant in 3rd grade and when he got old enough he would think about her and jerk off. Howard said she must have been right out of college.
Howard said he thought this would stop once he got older. Howard said that he is feeling older now. He said he gets out of a car and he moans. Robin said that she's heard about guys like that who make noise when they get out of a car. Howard said that's him. He said he feels like a young guy but he's not. He said that it's unbelievable the changes that happen. Robin said he does everything right. Howard said he's still rickety. He has to keep it together or he'll end up like Bubba. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Bubba. He said he was supposed to call him over the weekend. Bubba never called. Howard said he's not sure he really wants to know what's going on there.
Howard said he knows that he shouldn't say anything if Bubba starts telling him about what's going on. He said that they may end up getting back together some day.
Sal And Richard's Letter To Howard. 09/12/11. 6:40am
Howard said he got a long letter from Richard and Sal. He said that he really has to separate them. He said they were telling him how hard they work and listed all of the bits they do. Howard said he didn't read the whole thing. He just deleted it. Robin was about to say something but something went down the wrong way and she was choking. Howard asked if she was okay. She was fine a few seconds later.
Howard said he thinks that Richard and Sal think that he's going to aim his meeting at them tomorrow. He said they're going to meet to talk about how to use their time better and they think it's aimed at them.
Howard said he doesn't want them to tell him in an email how hard they work. They can tell him that in the meeting. Howard said that they're so dopey they wasted time writing this letter instead of working on bits. Howard said he doesn't want to read letters about how hard they work.
Howard said that he wanted them to come in and read the letter to Robin. Howard asked who wants to read a letter like that. He said that no boss wants to read that. Howard said they must have written the letter while blowing each other. Howard told them to bring their letter in and read it to Robin. Gary said they were on their way.
Howard asked the guys how long it took them to write that letter. Sal said it was probably an hour. Richard said it was 20-30 minutes. Sal said they wrote it on Friday but Richard said they sent it yesterday. Howard asked Richard why he lies to him. Richard said that he didn't lie. He said that they sent it yesterday and they wrote it last week. Howard said he guarantees they put hours into the letter. He said it was the most boring horse shit that he's ever read. Howard said they don't have to tell him how hard they work.
Richard said they didn't want to keep him at the meeting so this was better. Howard said they're two idiots. Howard said he's guessing that it was Sal's idea. Sal said that it was mutual. Howard said it's not mutual. He said it's one of the two who came up with the idea.
Sal and Richard said that they did a phony phone call on Friday but Howard said they did it wrong. They recorded themselves too loud. Richard said that's the BlogTalkRadio feed and that's not their fault.
Howard asked what's wrong with them. Sal and Richard said they were upset about what Howard said last week about how they've slacked off. Howard said he's going to give them a kick in the ass tomorrow. Howard said they do a good job. Howard said that Benjy doesn't write him letters. He just takes it like a man. Benjy said ''yeah'' really quiet and Howard said he's like a beaten man back there.
Howard had the boys read the letter. Richard read the letter and they were talking about how hard they work for the show. Howard said he lost it after the first sentence and threw it away. Richard went on to say that the calls they do and how they can take a month to edit and get them done. Sal said that there are some that go that long and it takes a long time to do some of them.
Richard and Sal mentioned one bit they did that took a month. Howard said that he heard that and didn't like it. Howard said that if it takes a month and it's not going well them maybe they should bail out on it. Richard said that they have to give some of the shows time to get over their calls so they give them a few days.
Howard played this bit that they did where they called Tradio and pretended that they were getting their lines crossed. Howard said that you can make a major film in a month. He can't believe that this call took a month to make. In the call Richard calls in and starts giving the information for what he wanted to sell and then Sal's call comes through. Then the two calls were switching back and forth. Robin was laughing at the call. Howard didn't think it was all that great.
Howard played more of the call and they left in a lot of stuff that they didn't need to. Howard said that the host was flustered but not that funny. Howard said he wants to know why this took a month. He played more of the call and Richard called back again and gets back on the air and then it switches over between Richard and Sal again. The host didn't know what was going on. He said they were having some weird problems there. Howard said that this goes on for 3 minutes. It was too long for him. He let it play some more and Sal calls in and has the same problem with the line switching back and forth between him and Richard.
Robin was laughing pretty hard at that one. Howard said it was better than he thought but he wondered why it took so long. Richard said they had to figure out how to do the switching thing. Howard said that they're working on the technology.
Howard said all he said last week was that he wanted to check in with Sal and Richard because he hadn't heard from them in so long. Howard said they get upset when he passes on their calls. He said sometimes they're not up to the standards of the show. Howard said he heard Sal thought he was going to be fired. Howard said he doesn't fire anyone. He said he wasn't in the best mood last Thursday so that's why he was saying what he was saying.
Howard told Richard to read more of his letter. Richard read more of the letter and they were explaining why these calls take so long to get these calls made. Richard read about how hard they work to put out finalized product for the show. Howard got a laugh out of that line. Howard said his eyes glazed over when he started reading this. Howard said if they had taped the session where they were composing the letter would have been a better bit.
Richard read more of the letter and Fred played a Tradio host saying ''You're an idiot'' a few times. Howard said that they wasted all of this time writing this letter and he didn't even read it. Howard said that they didn't have to write this together. Richard said they're a team. Howard said that they're really not a team. They weren't hired as a team.
Richard read more of the letter and then said that they had about two pages of bits listed. He read through some of those bits and they explained how they edit Wolfie interviews and go through song parodies that are sent in and things like that.
Howard told Richard to stop reading the list. He said that they didn't have to name all of the stuff they do. He said that he didn't hire them because he thinks they're stupid and not funny. Howard said that they are funny and they do great work. He said he's never said they do shitty work. He said that they get upset if he turns down one bit. Sal said they want Howard to like all of what they do. Richard said they can edit down anything Howard thinks is too long too.
Howard said he'll play their newest call to honor them. He said Richard did another Nervous Mark call. He said that he calls into a religious show and Mark admits he has a masturbation addiction. Richard calls in and does that and the host of the show prays for Richard. Richard makes noise like he's masturbating while he's being prayed for. The hosts were trying to cast out the demons but Richard was saying he was jizzing everywhere. He said he couldn't stop pumping his penis. He asked for them to make Satan stop. They kept him on as Richard kept saying he was jerking off again. Richard said he wasn't able to keep his hand off his cock.
Howard said he told the boys that it was funny but the guy's reaction couldn't be heard. Howard said he tries to teach them something and then they write him letters. Howard said this is the stuff that takes them a month to do. Sal said this one didn't. Howard said that they need a different recording technique. Richard was louder than the radio show host's was.
Howard played more of the call and Richard was making all kinds of weird noises as he was cumming. Howard said he tries to teach the boys and they spend all of their time writing letters. Sal said that they get it. Howard said they don't need to write him letters. Howard said he'd rather that they record the sound properly. Howard said the call was a failed call.
Richard read the rest of his letter and they were explaining why these things take so long to produce. Howard said any other job would fire them. Sal said he doesn't think that any other person would write their boss a letter like that. Howard said they should just work on their bits and not write letters. He said he wants them to write a letter about how they shouldn't write letters. Howard said he gets so much email during the day and he deletes anything where people are asking him for something. Then he puts the important work email as a priority. Then he reads this letter that they wrote about how hard they work instead of reading about a new bit they produced.
Howard told Sal and Richard to get back to work. He told Benjy not to write him any letters either. Howard said that he loves those guys but whenever he tries to give them advice they go crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes the bits he played today. Howard said they were good and he was going to play them today. He said they could have been funnier if they had recorded them better. Howard said that they go back in there in a funk thinking he's going to fire them. He said you can't even suggest anything to them. He said they think of all of their stuff as a Picasso. Howard said that the caller is missing the point. He said that Robin gets it though.
Howard took another call and the caller said that the call they just did was hilarious. Howard said he was going to air it. He said that the click over call wasn't going to air though. That took them over a month to create.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to turn his radio down because he damn near went off the road hearing it. Howard said that the guys are funny. He gets how hard they work. They don't need to write him letters about it. Howard said they're like crying little bitches and he can't even give them suggestions. Howard said he's not going to fire them. He said that he tries to give them advice and they freak out.
The caller told Howard he might need to use kid gloves with Richard because he is from Kansas after all. Howard said that he realizes that. Howard said when he got that letter he wondered what it was. He said that he wasn't sure if he should read it or not. He said he really has to take a break. They were running late.
Kevin Nealon Visits. 12/08/11. 8:00am
After the break we heard a prank call Kevin Nealon made to a gym trying to find a trainer where he kept talking over the woman. Fred also played Sheryl Crow ''Strong Enough'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that was a very funny phony phone call by Kevin Nealon who is now in the show ''Weeds'' with Mary Louise Parker. Kevin came in a few seconds later. He went to shake Howard's hand but Howard doesn't like to do that. Kevin said he has to wash his hands if he shakes people's hands.
Howard said that Kevin claims that he saw the movie ''Deliverance'' and he was inspired by that move to play banjo. Howard said Kevin got to play with Steve Martin. Howard said Steve doesn't shake any hands or sign autographs. Kevin said Steve is really good at banjo. Howard said he hates the banjo. Kevin said he does too but he likes playing it. He said he doesn't buy any banjo albums or anything.
Kevin said that he played banjo with Steve but it seems like any banjo player likes any other person who plays banjo. He said he has hung out with Steve a few times. Howard asked if banjo can get you laid at all. Kevin said ''Not with anyone who isn't mentally challenged.
Kevin said that he's not that good at playing banjo. He said he plays guitar a little bit but not that well. He said he's the same with golf. He said he sees other people playing and they're so much better than him.
Howard asked Kevin if he works too much. Kevin said his dad tells him he is but he's sitting down or flying most of the time that he's ''working.''
Howard said Kevin is on ''Weeds''' now but he's working on a new sitcom. Kevin said that he knows what's going on. He said Gary came into the green room and found out what was going on and then he disappears. He goes right in and tells Howard what's going on. Howard said Gary did tell him that he's working on a new sitcom. Kevin said Weeds has been on 7 seasons and they just got picked up for season 8. Howard said that's a great run. He asked if he's making any money. Kevin said he never makes any money. He said if he gets a film they tell him that it's favored nations and that means that everyone gets the same amount. He said you don't know about the bonuses that they're getting though.
Howard asked Kevin if he's a millionaire. Kevin said he's doing okay. He said if he was investing properly he'd probably have a lot of money. Kevin said that he just keeps paying off his house. Howard said the theory is that he's actually selling pot.
Kevin said that his wife really likes Robin. He said Robin would be like the wife on the show. He said that she's always embracing what Howard says and backs it up. Robin said she's not sure she'd be a good wife. Howard said he thinks there's something going on with Robin. He said Robin is a fabulous woman but there's something going on there. He said she should be married and she would be a loyal woman. Howard said when she's on your team she's a team mate. Howard told her to pretend she's not there. He said he feels it's time for love. He said she fights it though. Kevin said she doesn't trust it.
Kevin asked if they ever hang out when they're not at work. Howard said they do sometimes. Kevin asked Robin if she's ever been in a long term relationship. Robin said she was in one for 10 years. Howard said he thinks it was the guy's fault. Howard said he has to work with Robin, not that guy.
Kevin said he'll keep Robin in mind for his friends. He said they all have history though. Howard said he knows people too but they're worse than him.
Kevin said it was like when they tried to find a godfather for their son. He said it wasn't easy. Kevin said he has a 5 year old son and he's 58. Howard said he's 57. Kevin said they're very similar. He said they've had a similar background. Kevin said that the kid just kind of happened. He said this is his second wife. He said this is the first time he was a dad.
Kevin said he met his wife while doing a talk show pilot for a friend. He said it was the John Henson pilot. He said he was hosting a show himself and he went into the make up room and there was a woman in there. He said that she was bored. He said she was hot though. Kevin said that he asked another woman if they think that a single guy can adopt a child. He was using that as a pick up line. Howard said it's a pick up line that doesn't sound like a pick up line.
Kevin said he's not good at moving in on women. He said that was his best move ever. Kevin said he hung out with her and asked her out for a drink. Howard saw a picture of her and she's hot. Kevin said she's about 17 years younger than him. Kevin said Howard could still have a kid. Howard said he thinks he'd be worn out. Kevin said he doesn't think he would.
Howard said Kevin's wife is stunning. Kevin said she's got a southern twang and it's cute. Fred said that she is hot. Kevin said her name is Susan.
Howard asked Kevin about dating Jan Hooks while they were on Saturday Night Live. Kevin said she was probably the best sketch comedy person he's ever worked with. Howard asked if he tried to get in her pants for the 6 years they worked together. Kevin said they became friends first and she didn't want him romantically. He said he's not a quick worker like that so he'd just hang around for 5 or 6 years. He said they became good friends and laughed together. He said he asked why they couldn't be more than that. He said she knew that too. Kevin said she was dating other guys though. He said they would go out for drinks and then she'd go out on a date with someone else. He figured she'd come around eventually. He said he'd be a great assassin because he can wait forever.
Howard said he couldn't wait that long. Kevin said his self esteem wasn't that great. He said he never did coke because he hated the mirror so much.
Howard asked what changed him. Kevin said they both had some drinks and started getting into it with each other. He said there is nothing quite like it when you're friends like that so long and then you do that. He said the sex was the best. He said you know the person so well that it turns out to be great. Howard said he's never had that. He said he's never been with someone that long before banging them.
Howard said he thinks that he would take more time with dating these days. He said a one night stand isn't good. Kevin said you should at least do the walk of shame with the women. Howard said he never did that. Howard said the walk of shame coming out of his apartment is really embarrassing coming out of his apartment.
Howard asked Kevin about getting the job on Saturday Night Live. He said that has to be huge for someone. He asked if he thought that his career was going to be huge. Kevin said the dream was something beyond what he could imagine. He said he loved doing stand-up and that's all he wanted to do. Howard asked why he never sees him in a comedy special. Kevin asked if he's seen Weeds. Howard said he wants to know about the stand-up. Kevin said he had a special on Showtime that ran for a while. Howard said he'd like to see that.
Howard asked Kevin if he did stand-up for the audition for SNL. Kevin said he did. He said when he was told he was on the show he didn't know what to expect. He said he doesn't do characters and sketches so he didn't know what was going to happen. Howard asked if his parents put a lot of pressure on him. He said the pressure must have been intense. Kevin said it was but he never let it get to him. He said he just thought it was a great gig and he wanted to stay there as long as he could. Kevin said he was just telling himself to go for it.
Howard asked how long he was there. Kevin said he started in 86 and he was there a long time. Howard asked if he got jealous of the other people who got movie deals and stuff. Kevin said that it's a common thought when you wonder ''Why not me?''
Howard asked who got him to audition. Kevin said it was Dana Carvey. He said they brought him in and the whole thing happened so quickly. He said that they flew him in and a week later he got the show and showed up for work. He said he didn't even tell his friends at the time.
Howard asked Kevin what his favorite bit was. Kevin said it was one with Harvey Keitel called ''The Bathroom Attendant.'' He said it was just a small bathroom where he was the attendant and he'd be standing right over the guy. Howard said that he can't stand to be with other people in the bathroom. He tries to avoid bathrooms like that.
Kevin said he has a thing about bathroom attendants. He said it's just a way to give a guy a job. He said if you go to a resort you don't know how to tip. He said that you don't have money on you if you're out at the pool. Howard said he'll load up his pockets with $20s and he'll spend 80 bucks before you get to the pool. Howard said there's a point when you just don't have any money left on you. Kevin said he's not sure how people do it.
Howard asked Kevin about staying at SNL as long as he could. Kevin said he did that and then he went to do the sitcom ''Champs'' and he got out. He said he had to go to Lorne and tell him that he was moving on. He doesn't think they were too upset about that though.
Howard asked Kevin how they reject bits. Kevin said that they just don't put it on the board if they don't like it. Howard asked if people loved the Bathroom Attendant bit. Kevin said they did and he got a lot of input and help from people there. Howard said it seems like a really competitive thing there.
Howard said every time he sees Kristin Wiig come on he thinks that the other cast members hate her and want to be like her. He said there must be such competitiveness that it's hard to work in. Kevin said a lot of people come in from the Groundlings and places like that and they're just happy to be there.
Howard asked how Weeds is going. Kevin said it's a great show and he wishes Howard would watch. Robin said the show is great. She said she's going to tell Howard to watch that next after Dexter. Howard said he'll get Weeds and watch it from the beginning. He said that Mary Louise is a great actress. Robin said her character is outrageous. Howard said he's watching Dexter right now. Kevin said he loves that show too. He said he's only on season 3 though. Howard said he's still on season 1.
Robin said she's not sure how Kevin is still on the show because he's not part of the family and it's a show about the family. Kevin said he doesn't write for the show but he does embellish a bit.
Kevin told Howard it's getting harder to remember his lines these days. He said that he did an episode of Franklin and Bash and he had a hard time doing this long speech he had to do. He said he has a terrible memory too.
Howard said it must be tough to fuck up a line and get everyone upset with you. Kevin said sometimes they'll take the attention from you and blame it on the lighting instead. Howard said Mary Louise must be so good she doesn't forget any lines. Kevin said she's really good. Howard asked if she's naked a lot. Robin said it happens once in a while.
Howard asked Kevin if they told him and Jan Hooks not to let their relationship interfere with the show. Kevin said he thinks they were aware of the situation. Kevin said there were some other relationships on the show but it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard asked if it was hard after he broke up. Kevin said it was kind of difficult. He said you're on a live show trying to deal with this other thing. Howard said he loves this kind of stuff. He said they were great friends, they start fucking and then the love wears off.
Howard asked who broke up the relationship. Kevin said it was mutual. Howard asked if the sex wasn't what they expected. Kevin said he thinks they just grew apart.
Kevin said he knows Howard from listening to the show. He said he knows what he's going to ask and it's like he's one step ahead of him. Howard said he's really interested in all of this though. Kevin said he and Jan were better friends than lovers. He said that part of the relationship lasted 2 years. He said being on SNL was very high stress and it was hard to have a relationship. He said he stays in touch with her and talks to her about once a year. He thinks she's doing just fine. Howard asked Kevin if Jan has a husband. Kevin said she doesn't. Howard said maybe she's waiting for him.
Howard said he the women who dated him have no remorse for not being with him. Kevin asked if he really has low self esteem. Howard said he does. He said he gets that people love him but he's got a lot going on inside his head. He said that he was talking to Beth about something and said that he has a very dark hole in there. He said she responded with ''Oh, don't I know...'' Kevin asked if he ever cries. Howard said he can cry in therapy. He said he cries in his dreams and wants to cry in his life but he can't do it. He said he cries during movies once in a while. He said he does that when he sees a father and son with a good relationship. He said he can be moved almost to tears with some movies.
Howard asked Kevin about the Jack and Jill movie and going to the premiere. Howard he said he heard he went to the premiere because he was supposed to be in the movie. He said they didn't tell him that he was cut out of it. Kevin said the part was very small so it wasn't a big deal. He said he was curious to see how the scene came out but it was cut out. He said he understands that because they do cut a lot of things out of movies. Howard asked if he cried. Kevin said he didn't. Howard said it's embarrassing to go and not know you were cut out. Howard asked if it deflates your ego. Kevin said it was a small part so it really wasn't a big deal.
Howard asked Kevin if he would tell Adam Sandler if he didn't like the movie. Kevin said he would not tell him it was bad. He would tell him about the parts he likes. He said that the parts he plays in those Sandler movies are usually pretty humiliating parts.
Howard asked if he goes over to Sandler's house at all. Kevin said he does go once in a while. Howard asked if he hangs out with Spade. Kevin said he sees him at different functions. Howard said he knows a lot of guys play basketball out in L.A. so he must have to do that to hang with those guys. Kevin said when you have a kid you spend a lot of time at home. He said he can't just go out at 10 with friends.
Howard asked Kevin how involved he is with the kid. Kevin said he gets up and makes breakfast for the kid and then he goes to school. He said it's really like his career right now.
Howard said Kevin is going to be at Caroline's Friday through Sunday. Howard said he's also going to be at the Improv in Washington DC soon. He said you can follow him on Twitter @Kevin_Nealon.
Howard said he's on twitter but he's too busy for that. He also doesn't like the negativity. Howard said he got verified on there though. Kevin asked how he did that. Howard said they just do it. You can't campaign to get it done.
Howard asked Kevin about his stand-up. Kevin said he only does about 45 minutes. He said he doesn't want to do too much time on stage. Howard asked how long it takes to write an hour of material. Kevin said it takes a really long time. Kevin said he's not sure how these guys do it every year.
Howard asked who his favorite comedians are. Kevin said he likes Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg and guys like that. Howard asked what happened to Steven Wright. Kevin said he thinks he's still doing shows around the country.
Howard asked if he's on the road a lot. Kevin said he is now so he can get material together for a special he's shooting in February.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Weeds and he was on a chair about to commit suicide. He said he kicks out the chair and it turns out he's jerking off and not trying to kill himself. Kevin said they were trying to lead people to believe he was going to commit suicide but it turns out he was doing auto erotic asphyxiation. They spent a minute talking about how dangerous that is. Howard said he just wants it to be over quickly so he could never do that.
Kevin said he has a friend who only eats when he has to. That's like Howard only masturbating because he has to. Howard said he doesn't need to pour himself a glass of wine to masturbate.
Howard said he had a good time with Kevin today. Kevin said he loves being there. He said he had a good time.
Kevin asked Howard if he would ever move out of New York City. Howard said he would. He said some of the best times he's had in his life were living outside of New York. He said that he sits inside a box and doesn't do anything outside of his home anyway so he could live anywhere. Robin said the weather might matter. Howard said he'd like to live in California or Florida. He said he's jealous of Bubba the Love Sponge because he lives in the warm weather. Kevin said that you don't appreciate it until you leave. He said that spring and fall are great but winter is horrible there in New York.
Kevin said he had to quit running because he has a back problem. Howard said he has to talk to him off the air about that. Kevin said his back problems aren't so bad now. Howard told him to read the Dr. Sarno book ''Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection.'' He said that will help him out with those kinds of problems.
Howard told Kevin about his meditation too. Kevin said he spoke to Andy Kaufman about that once and he was such a fan he didn't hear a word he was saying. Howard told Kevin about his meeting with Michael Jackson and how crazy that was. Howard said that Andy Kaufman was a genius.
Howard talked about how witty Steve Martin is on Twitter. Kevin said he is too. Howard said he follows Kevin but doesn't see him Tweet that much. Kevin said that he doesn't do it a lot but he does tweet.
Howard told Kevin more about the book he suggested. He said that he should just read the fucking thing and it'll help.
Howard gave Kevin some more plugs and asked what he's doing tonight. Kevin said he's going out with friends. Howard asked who they are. Kevin said they're just a couple of friends like Cheryl Hines. Howard asked if his wife is there with him. Kevin said his wife and kid are there with him. Kevin said it's hard to travel with his family. He's used to doing it on his own. Howard said he could go on all day with this but he has to take a break. Kevin said he knows Howard doesn't get out to L.A. that much. He said he does hear about the Kimmel parties though. Howard asked if he wants to come to those parties. Kevin said he'd love to. He knows Jimmy and he hangs out with him. Howard said he had no idea he wanted to be there.
Kevin kept doing his impression of Howard saying ''Listen to me...'' so Howard started doing that back. Howard said he has things to do this morning so he has to end this. Kevin said Howard has to go home and check his twitter and check his camera. Howard said Beth told him that she senses that he's getting tired of photography. Howard said he can do a shoot with Kevin and his family. He said that he wants shots of them fucking.
Kevin said he was on the Today Show once and Matt Lauer passed by. He said they talked from little bit and he said they should go golfing. He said they should but as Matt was walking away he said ''Matt... we're never going golfing, are we?'' Matt said ''No.'' Howard said he had Matt at his house just the other day. He said he wanted to show off to Kevin showing that he has show business friends.
Howard told Kevin that he would do portraits of him and his wife if he wants. He said he knows people enjoy it. He said that he did a shoot with Christa Miller. Kevin didn't know who that was. Howard just said ''Oh...'' Howard said he can do some romantic and loving shots with his family. He said he did a session with his friend Richie. Kevin said they had a shoot with a woman just recently. He had the shot on his iPhone so he showed it to Howard. Howard said that was as good as anything he does and Kevin did it with his iPhone.
Kevin showed Howard another shot of the photographer. Howard said it was very nice. It would be nicer if you could see her face. Kevin showed one more of his wife. Howard said she's got a great body. Kevin said ''No, that's my son.'' Howard said she really is a beauty. Kevin said she's 5'7'' tall and weighs about 114 pounds. Howard said Beth is like 119 and 5'10'' tall.
Howard asked Kevin how long it took to get that chick in bed. Kevin said he'd have to check his journal. He said it was longer than a week. He said he doesn't move fast. Kevin said it may have been about a month.
Howard asked if she's the hottest woman he's ever made love to. Kevin said ''yeah.'' Howard said ''good answer.'' Howard asked how long he can last in bed with her. Kevin said 35 minutes or so. Howard asked if that's being inside of her. Kevin said he knows Howard can't last long. Howard said he lasted about a minute with Beth the other night. He said she's so hot that he can't last. He said he should be able to last longer than that at his age. Kevin said it depends on how tired he is but he thinks that he can last about 15 minutes.
Howard said Kevin's pictures are really good on his iPhone. Kevin asked if he uses film. Howard said he does digital. He said the people who still use film are just assholes. He said he met one of those guys and he really was an asshole.
Kevin said he was going through some old stuff and found a Beatles record that Paul McCartney had signed. He said he had it done when he was at SNL. Howard said he's lucky he signed it. Howard told the story about trying to get Paul to sign something for his daughter. He said Paul blew him off and didn't sign. Howard said he had some new edict about signing autographs and he didn't do it. Howard said the guy could have done it. He said he's not mad at him but he embarrassed him in front of his kid.
Kevin said he went to a concert once and Paul was there and some guy came along with a Sgt. Peppers album and asked Paul to sign it. He said he felt awkward for the guy because Paul said he was in the middle of a conversation and didn't sign it. Howard said he had a guy ask to take a picture out on the street the other day and he said no but then felt really bad about it. He said it was raining and he didn't want to do it.
Howard asked Kevin if he's an intellectual. Kevin said no. Howard asked if he watches X-Factor. Kevin said he loves that show. He said he used to like American Idol. Kevin said he doesn't watch a lot of TV. He said he does like to watch hot chick trials like the Casey Anthony trial. He said as long as there's a guy on the jury they're not going to jail. Howard said if Rod Blagojevich was a hot chick he wouldn't have gone to jail.
Howard said he really has to get out of there. He gave him some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
The Big Foot Password Game With Angelique Morgan. 09/22/08. 9:10am
After the break we heard a Jack and Rod bit with Sal and Richard doing a Halloween show with an author who wrote about witches. They had him talking to Blue Iris who was playing a witch. Fred played some Bob Dylan as they came back.
Howard came back and said that they have a ''I Want to be Howard Stern'' contest going on there. You can try out for your own radio show there. You can enter at SIRIUS.com under the Howard Stern section.
Howard said that they were going to get into the Big Foot Password game now. He said that Big Foot is going to be playing with porn star Angelique Morgan. They will have to give each other clues and try to figure out what the other one is giving clues to.
Big Foot and Angelique came in a short time later. Howard said that Angelique is beautiful. Big Foot said that he would mess with her anytime. Big Foot said that he could see that in his bedroom.
Howard spoke to Angelique for a short time and asked her if she's still doing porn. She said that she's actually on a reality show and not doing porn. She's on the Brett Michaels show but she got kicked out when she got completely naked on the show. Howard said that you'd think that would attract Brett and not scare him off.
Angelique said that today is her birthday today. She was upset that Will the Farter stole that from her today. Howard sang Happy Birthday to her with the Will the Farter farts playing in the background. Big Foot asked him if he was black or something because they never did that for his birthday. Howard had no idea what he was saying there.
Howard asked Angelique how old she is. She said that she's 27. Howard said that she has been out of porn because she's doing all of the reality shows. She's going to be on the Rock of Love Charm School special with Sharon Osbourne.
Howard thought that Angelique has had her lips enlarged even more since last time but she said they're the same as they were last time. Howard said that Big Foot probably wouldn't know what to do if she gave him a blow job. Big Foot said that he's had a few blow jobs lately.
Big Foot had some trouble understanding what Angelique was saying so he appeared a bit confused a couple of times. Howard asked Big Foot about the blow jobs he's been getting and asked what he pays. Big Foot said that he pays them whatever they want. He had to give one girl a laptop computer but he got to be with her all night long.
Howard said that Angelique has been having some trouble finding a man. She said that she hasn't gotten laid in about 8 months now. She said that the guys that she meets are super gay or already taken. Big Foot interrupted and said that they sell girls up in Newport for $200. The two of them were talking over each other like crazy.
Big Foot said that he was at a pub up in Newport and this guy was trying to sell his wife to him or something crazy like that.
Howard told Big Foot and Angelique that they were going to play to split $2,500. He gave Angelique a plug for her web site ClubAngeliqueMorgan.com before getting into the game.
Big Foot and Angelique were talking over each other again and Big Foot told her to stop speaking Spanish and speak English. She had a heavy French accent but wasn't speaking Spanish or French. Angelique said that she'd like to get her own VH-1 show sometime but she's taking baby steps right now.
Howard asked Big Foot some questions about his legal problems. Big Foot said that he's taken care of all of that stuff and they found that he's ''uncompetant.'' He said that means he doesn't know what's really going on. Artie told him that's very ''untelligent'' of him. Big Foot said he still thinks of Artie when he's taking a shit.
Howard read some notes about Big Foot and what he's been up to. He found an apartment to live in but he claims it's full of bugs. Big Foot said that his neighbors are horrible too and they have threatened his life it is. He said they don't like him being on Howard's show. He said they report him and people threaten his life ''it is.''
Howard asked Big Foot about the people who live in this town he lives in. Big Foot said he has a lot of problems and what he was just saying was the start of it.
Big Foot said that he has the real tape of the 9/11 attacks and said that the president is involved in the whole thing. He said that he got the video at the place where they got tape of him it is. Big Foot said that he calls himself Bush and Clinton and he's a two headed monster. Big Foot said that he has two names and President Bush has a problem with him because he's got two names also.
Big Foot has referred to Vermont as being a single person before so Richard was on the phone as ''Vermont'' and arguing with him about various things. Big Foot said that he has a lot of problems with Vermont and talked about some of them with ''Vermont'' on the phone.
Howard said that Big Foot has been charged with some knife thing. Big Foot said that he has had some problems with people and the cops tell him to just handle it himself. When he does he ends up getting into trouble.
Howard asked Big Foot what he would do if he could be with Angelique. He said that he might eat her out and nibble on her tits and stuff like that. Angelique told him he can keep dreaming.
Angelique said that she goes for looks first and not money or anything like that. She said that Big Foot isn't her type.
Howard started the game and gave Angelique her first word. It was Nun and she had no idea what that was. Howard said they would throw that one out and move on to the next one. Angelique gave Big Foot a clue and he tried to guess but Big Foot was throwing out full sentences instead of just one word answers. Angelique gave Big Foot ''Female, Orgasm, Sex'' and Big Foot didn't have a clue what she was trying to get him to say. Robin guessed it was a ''clitoris'' and she was right.
Howard said that Will was going to whisper a word to Big Foot and he would have to give Angelique clues. Big Foot tried it and said ''somepen' you watch'' instead of a one word clue. She guessed it was TV and got it right. Howard said they get to split $500 for getting each one right.
Howard went back to Angelique and gave her another word. She gave Big Foot clues like ''pussy, female, orgasm.'' Big Foot didn't have a clue as usual. He thought he had given the answer by saying ''pussy'' but they were actually looking for ''vagina.''
Howard said they were going to put the rest of the money on this last word. He said that Big Foot had to stick to one word clues though. Big Foot said he was hard of hearing and didn't know that. Big Foot gave her ''space, stars, moon.'' Angelique guessed it was space or sky. It was actually ''astronaut.'' They didn't get it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that both of them were retarded. Artie said that one was retarded and the other one was French.
Howard gave them another word to try and win the whole $2,500. Angelique tried to give some clues but Howard suggested that Angelique take off her clothes. She took her top off and Howard said she did have nice boobs. He told her to concentrate and give more clues. She gave words like ''Halloween'' but Big Foot didn't know the answer. He guessed it was Trick or Treat. She said ''scary'' and Big Foot said ''Herman Munster.'' He was close so they tried to tell him he was close but without the Herman. Big Foot was clueless and didn't get it.
Howard gave them another word trying to give them this $2,500. Will gave Angelique the word and she said ''Frankenstein.'' Big Foot said ''aminal'' and missed it. Angelique said ''scary'' and Big Foot thought it was Herman Munster again. They had given them Monster again but Big Foot still didn't get it.
Howard kept saying this was the last word but he'd give them another one if they missed it. Big Foot gave her the clue ''scary'' and she guessed it was Monster. They won the $2,500 and but they had to split it. Big Foot said he doesn't know how to do math very well so he told her she had to split it. She knew it was $1250 but Artie told Big Foot he gets 5 bucks.
Big Foot said that he needs a Howard Stern radio for inside his apartment. Howard told Big Foot that the last time they gave him a lot of money he had all kinds of problems with women trying to steal it from him and stuff. Big Foot said that won't happen again.
Howard got in some plugs for the movie Eagle Eye since they were the sponsor for this game. He took some calls after that. One guy, Patrick, called in and said that he was the guy who tried to go up and help him out. Big Foot said that he took something from him and sold it. Patrick said that Big Foot keeps calling him and bothering him and his wife. Big Foot said that he's going to keep calling him until he changes his number. Big Foot said that he was harassing him and now it's his turn to harass him.
Howard asked Pat what went wrong with his trip up to help him. Patrick said that he drove 30 straight hours to go up and help this guy. He said that Big Foot was covered in fecal matter and he wanted him to drive him down to New Jersey from Vermont. He said that Big Foot was a mess and he couldn't put him in his car. Howard asked Big Foot if he rubbed doody on himself. Big foot said he couldn't remember.
Big Foot claims that this guy stole his medication card and it took him months to get it back. Big Foot said that if someone makes a disgrace out of him then he'll do the same to him. He said that he's been trying to call him for months now and he just doesn't call back. Patrick got in a plug for his book The Mountain Mafia before Howard let him go.
Howard asked Big Foot if he's going to stop calling this guy. Big Foot said he's going to call him at all times of the day and night and when he least expects it.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Artie asking how long he had to wait for the five grand. Big Foot argued with the audio clips not having a clue it was audio clips. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later and went to break.
Gary said that he is dealing with this in another area and he'll get to that. Gary said Sal and Richard have evolved as workers there. He said Sal has stopped looking at Howard as a deity. He said he just wanted to please him so much that he was out of his mind. Jon said he's still out of his mind and trying to please him. Gary said Richard was very passive aggressive and he used to hang outside his door. He said that he'd pout sometimes too. Gary said one time they called him into their office and they had a heart to heart. Gary said they asked if they were mad at them because they pass on so much stuff. Gary said they worked that out very well. He said they had to learn how to do that though.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Sal and Richard about their letter and how long it took to write it. Jon asked if it really took hours. Gary said he's sure it did. Gary said for hours and hours they probably tweaked it.
Gary said he's dealing with this stuff today. He said on Monday they just came back from vacation. He said he got an email from Wolfie where he had cut and pasted texts and IMs and all of that about the Phish stuff. Jon said Wolfie is one of those guys who lives his stuff and it plays really well on the air. He said Wolfie is one of those guys who has a lot of stuff but he's not there at the studio. He said he wants to know if they've played this stuff. Sal said that he's the king of the backdoor. He back doors everything. He will call in and ask about something and then ask if he has played some of his stuff.
Jon said Wolfie contacted Gary after Monday's show and said people wanted to hear the Phish stuff. Gary said they didn't have a lot of time for it on Monday. He said they were very busy. Gary said they used to have a producer that would yell about needing evergreen stuff.
Jon said that Sal turns in a bit and he wants it heard. It hurts when it doesn't get played. Jon asked Sal how he deals. Sal said he just lets Howard get to it when he can. He said it doesn't bother him in the least anymore. Gary said that Richard will come to him once in a while and remind him of something. He said that he doesn't feel pressed anymore.
Sal said that if there's a bit that could be relateable to something they're talking about they'll press it. He said back dooring a bit isn't what they do. Sal said that's what Wolfie does. He said they've learned what not to do. He said it can backfire on you. Jon said that's what Wolfie has to learn.
Gary said if Wolfie stopped calling in for 3 months Howard would wonder where he's been. Sal told him to take that advice. Gary said it has to be Howard's decision. Sal said he loves Wolfie and he does a great job. Gary said he's only singling him out now because he's going through it with him. He said everyone goes through it at some point.
Jon said Sal and Richard go through a lot of bits and they put out a lot. Sal said he'd rather have 5 pages of bits to go through than one page to fill up.
Jon played another clip where Richard and Sal were talking to Howard about being a team and Howard said they're not a team.
Jon asked Sal if that letter was from both of them or just Richard. Sal said that it was from both of them but he's not good at putting words together. He said that Richard typed it out and they both went back and forth coming up with what to say. He said Richard was the one to type it out.
Jon said what they got out of it was that they just wanted Howard to know that they're not messing around back there when their door is closed. Jon asked if that worked. Gary said Howard is aware of what's going on there. He said he knows everything. He said it's Howard's show and he knows when to call for stuff.
Gary said Richard and Sal are very close and the pee together. He said that he had to go to the bathroom the other day and tried to get in. He said Richard poked his head out and asked if he wanted to come in and join them. Sal said that he still goes in even after he got some dribble of piss on Richard's dick accidentally.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that skit with Richard masturbating to the priests was great. He said when Richard goes through that you can hear him almost breaking character. He said he thought that was real good. The caller also said he has heard Howard interview a lot of people and they had Ed Sheeran on. He said he was the worst guest ever. He asked who pushed to have him on the show. Gary said that they all did. He said that there is a part of the audience that liked it. He said they're going to have Neil Young on and someone is going to hate that. He said that Ed was very interesting. Gary said if you don't know who he is then maybe he's not interesting. Jon said that Will Murray pushed very hard on Ed and he thought he did a good job. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said that everyone ends up hitting on Robin at some point. Gary asked Sal if he's ever rubbed one out to Robin. Sal said he has but he's also rubbed one out to his mother in law. He said he was just joking about that. He said if they have tits and a few holes he's ready to roll.
Sal said he thinks he could get Robin if he wasn't married. He said he can imagine hopping in a cab with her and going out. Sal said he could slip her a finger in the cab. Sal said he'd be a gentleman at the party and then get her drunk. He said he'll get her drunk on Howard's tab at the Christmas party. Jon asked what his move would be. Sal said he would sweet talk her and take interest in all of the stuff she's into. He said that he'd make her feel good because she deserves it. Sal said they'd go back and watch Survivor and eat some hamburgers in bed. Sal said he'd go for the tits right away just so he can say he got to graze those nipples.
Jon asked Richard if he's ever pumped off to Robin. Richard said he used to leave voice mails for the show talking about pumping off and he'd actually do it to make those voice mails true. Richard said he did that back in the late 90s.
Sal said there was a still frame of Robin flashing her boobs once and he used to zoom in on that and beat off to that. Sal asked Gary if he's ever done that. Gary said he has not. He said Robin seemed like a grown up to him when he started there. He said that she scared him for a while too. He said he can imagine her laughing at him when he pulls his pants down too. Gary said he did walk in when she was changing in a dressing room once. He said that she tried to cover up but she can't cover up those boobs. Gary said he can't remember what he saw exactly. He said he didn't see any naked parts but she wasn't very covered up.
Sal said that would be burnt into his skull if he ever saw that. He wondered if Robin has ever done it thinking about anyone on the show. Gary said there was a weird thing once where Robin made out with Stuttering John once. He said that was very strange. Jon said people want to believe there's something going on between Howard and Robin but there's nothing. Gary confirmed that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they talk a lot about Robin's anal sex guy and he wonders who that guy was. Gary said that he feels for Robin. He said the first guy she had anal with was the last one and she doesn't know his name. Gary said she was very young and in San Francisco when it happened. He said that she talked about that once and it became the story that everyone talks about. Jon said every guy who listens to the show fantasized about that.
Gary said when you meet a woman you get her into a bathroom and she's down for some fun. He said the nerve of bending her over the sink is wild. Sal said she said that it was like she opened up like a baby bird waiting for a worm. Jon asked Sal if he's ever been in that situation and the passion takes over. Sal said he has. He said Robin must not have had that passion since then since she hasn't taken it up the poop chute since.
Richard asked if they've ever tried to find that guy. Gary said he's not sure they could. He wouldn't know what to tell the guy. Gary said he wanted to find the Mexican guy who hosed her down that one time she had diarrhea.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal and Richard if they think they would have any problems with women if they were single after the antics they pull out on the show. Richard said probably. He said if you google their names you'll see him licking Sal's balls and you might have some questions. Sal said that he knows Richard's wife and she's pretty normal and nice and she's with him. Richard said he's not sure how many women are that understanding. Jon said that he can imagine reading and seeing everything he's done. Gary said there's a video of Richard prancing around Sirius with his little dick out. He said it's very odd and funny. Richard said that was when they were going nuts up there. Richard said one time they were looking for a realtor and the first thing he said was that he looked at his Wikipedia page. He said that if they had a co-op board there they were going to have a hard time getting in.
Jon said that Richard laughs during some of the calls that he makes and if it's that funny you know it's going to be a home run of a call. Jon asked how hard it is to stay in character. Richard said that can go on for a ridiculous amount of time and you think how crazy it is that they haven't hung up yet. He said the things that make him laugh are when you can drag things out for a long time. Sal said they can hit the mute button on their phone when they laugh. He said if they laugh and fuck it up they can ruin a call. He said they made a call to a funeral parlor and they asked if they could have their grandfather's balls hang out the bottom of the casket and he started to laugh but then he turned it into a cry and used it in the call. Sal said he loses it when that happens.
Richard said he's not usually prepared to go that long when they do. He said his favorite Sal laugh is when he does a wrestling call and talks about Wahoo McDaniel and he starts laughing. He said they're old time wrestling fans and Sal just started laughing thinking about him. Jon said that was a funny one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said there is no way Robin would play with herself to any of them. Gary said they're all old now but maybe when they were younger. Sal said there is no doubt in his mind he could get to first base with Robin. Jon asked him what he's basing that on. Sal said he doesn't know. He said he's just thinking that it could happen. Gary said she might kiss him as a goof. He said if he went to kiss her she might laugh. Sal said she'd joke kiss him and then he'd wrap his hands around that ass and she'd keep going. Richard said she's made fun of his penis though. Sal said she might be into it because it's like Bill Bixby turning into the Incredible Hulk. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Gary said once that Jetty floated away and it was eventually dragged back. He said they used to drag it in and paint it and then drag it back out. Gary said you had to be a decent swimmer to get to it. He said it was all about that thing when you'd go to his house. Gary said Jackie is a very good swimmer and that represented his summer. Richard asked if he got mad when other people were on it. Gary said he didn't know. Richard asked if it was just a palate or something. Gary said it could have been.
Jon played another clip where Howard was goofing on Gary about his phlegm at the start of the show today. Jon said that was from 3 years ago. Gary said that it's like making fun of his pants. He said that he thinks about it all the time. He said it could come up again tomorrow. Sal said Gary stands outside the studio before he goes in clearing his throat. Gary said he never does it any other time. Sal said it has to be psychological.
Gary said that Howard is very anti medication and his doctor wanted him to get on some medication. He said Howard and Robin told him not to go that far. Jon said maybe he can go at the psychological thing.
Gary said he's seen it happen to Jon and even Howard at times. He said that it's just that hour of the morning. Gary said when he gets to the George Washington Bridge he starts thinking about it. He said then he can't get it out of his head. Gary said he'll be clearing his throat from the parking garage up to the building. Gary said that Howard gives him a look when it happens to him. He said Gary can't win but the audience does.
Gary said he has a move and he's sure they see through it. He said he'll pretend to get mad that someone didn't bring something to him and he'll go out and clear his throat. Jon said that he heard Gary did that once and saw him walk out. He said Scott took the blame that day and Scott did nothing wrong.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to comment on the Ed Sheeran interview. He asked if they read the comments on Instagram. He said it's usually 50/50 on the appearance but this time it was all negative. Gary said he tries not to read that stuff. He said you can get caught up in the negativity. He said that sometimes it's 3 people just posting 20 times. Jon said there are going to be people who don't like them and some who do. He said it happens during the show all the time. Jon said that's the show. Gary said he wants to be relevant. He said he doesn't want to interview the same people all the time. He said at the end of the day the way you get booked on the show is if Howard is interested in you.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ed Sheeran was great. He said if Gary wants to get rid of the throat clearing thing he should go to a vocal therapist. He said he had to do that for a problem he had. He said learning how to clear his throat is another thing he should do. Gary said he has gone to a guy and he was trying some stuff that Howard ended up getting upset over.
Jon asked Sal what his suggestions are. Sal said he just has to deal with it. He said as he's listening to this he feels like he has to clear his throat. Gary said he almost did the same thing. Sal said Gary being aware of it makes it worse. He said if he wasn't thinking about it he'd be fine.
Jon asked Lisa G if she has any suggestions. She said that it's best to hum and take a hot shower in the morning. Gary tried the humming and he said he didn't feel better. Lisa was starting to get phlegmy herself. Gary said he'd rather just get phlegmy once in a while instead of doing all of that.
Jon asked Lisa what she had in the Howard 100 News headlines. Lisa said they have Sal's new music video called Melt. Lisa said that's to promote the Jersey Massacre soundtrack album. Jon said Sal does a great job in that. He said you will laugh at him and with him. He said Sal is living the dream making that video. Sal said that it reminds him of this Metallica documentary where this kid has cancer and gets to come in and play with them. He said he got the opportunity to experience the video making thing even though it wasn't back in the day. Richard said he thinks the song is very catchy. Jon said all of Sal's songs are catchy and they stay in your mind for a while.
Lisa went over a few more headlines and mentioned that Jon was on the MLB network interviewing some people. She had a few other quick stories that she went over. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 10:55am.
Gary said Eric is also asking people for gifts off his wishlist. Jon said that Eric is also smart enough to know if he talks about this stuff and he plays to Howard and Jimmy Kimmel then he's going to get people to buy things.
Gary asked if it's different when Eric does that or High Pitch Eric is asking people to buy him stuff. Gary said he sees this as begging. He said it's persistent. Jon said he sees it a little different. Jon said if you get enjoyment out of it then maybe it's worth it. Gary said he thinks that it brings Jimmy Kimmel joy to buy things for Eric. He said he would never do that. Jon said he doesn't think he would.
Gary said he knows someone from Paramount who sent Eric some stuff after hearing him on the show. JD said he only sends out thank yous for things over $5,000 or something crazy like that.
Jon said that Howard asked Eric if he thought he looked good in the Ice Bucket Challenge. He said Eric won't comment on that. He played a clip from that segment. Jon asked why Eric will hesitate on commenting on that.
Jon said Benjy has been complimenting Howard and going above and beyond. Gary said he thinks he's doing that to get Howard's attention. Gary said Howard looks good and he's in good shape but Benjy is just working him. Jon asked if Howard cares. Gary said that he thinks Howard knows Benjy is shticking him.
Jon said that he can say if a guy looks good. JD said he can say it. He said he knows Jared Fox is a good looking dude and he can say it. Jon asked if he's jealous of that and if that's where his anger came from. JD said that could be part of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he missed the show earlier in the week and he wonders why Benjy is checking out guys. Jon said he was just commenting on Howard. He said it's not the first time he's said it. He said he has always worked that angle. He said that it plays into Howard wanting to hear it more. He said he doesn't think Benjy would hesitate to look at naked pictures of anyone. Gary said he thinks he can say it's just goofy to look at guys but to look at women might be a different story.
Jon said he thinks with Richard it's just funny to look at that stuff and do weird stuff on the show. Jon said Richard and Sal have offered to wrestle him a lot of times. Gary said Richard has pitched an idea to have Jon pretend to prison rape him. Richard came in and said it's not pretend. Jon said Richard has no problem saying a guy is good looking. He asked if Eric sounded homophobic to him. Richard said he did. He said it's hard to defend Eric. He said Eric might be afraid of them cutting up what he says and make it sound worse. He said they have done that in the past.
Jon asked if Benjy has taken over for Sal in the Howard is good looking stuff. Richard said he has. He said it makes him laugh. He said it's funny when he tells Howard his body looks good. Jon asked if he's being genuine when he does it. Richard said he thinks he is. He said he obviously watched that video a ton of times.
Jon asked if Sal doesn't admire Howard in that way. Richard said he might be infatuated. He said it might have worn off a little bit. Richard said it's Sal's 10 year anniversary working for the show this month. He said that he's keeping quiet about that stuff these days. Richard said he still admires Howard but not in a lustful way like he used to.
Gary asked JD how long he's been with the show. JD said he's been there since January of 2003 when he started as an intern. Gary said he's trying to figure out who was there on 9/11. Jon said Jason was and so was Scott. Jon said he wants to get into that with Scott. He said he'd kill to be a fly on the window of that car when Robin was riding with Scott. Gary said that she had very limited ways of getting off the island of Manhattan. Gary told Jon how they got home and how long of a drive it was to get to Staten Island. Richard said she must have been stuck in that car for a while. Jon said he can imagine how the traffic was that day.
Gary said that there are stories of people helping people and it was just one of the most terrible days. He said so many people were walking that day. Gary said some really sketchy looking guy was banging on his window. The guy claimed he was a preacher. He said he said no and left.
Jon asked Scott how long that drive was that day. Scott couldn't hear himself in the headphones. Gary said that he's suffering from the same thing guests do on the show. He had to turn his headphones up.
Scott said they had to take the Tappan Zee bridge over and then came back down. He said he was going to take her to his house but she told him to drop her off at a mall. He said she was going to call someone to pick her up. He said he felt uncomfortable doing that but he did it at the Paramus Park Mall. He said he did it but he didn't feel right. Scott said she could have come to his house.
Scott said he had Wood Yi in the car that day too. He said Robin sat in the back. He said that he dropped Wood Yi off and then went home. He said he told his wife that he dropped Robin off and then his wife went to find Robin. Scott said he stayed home. He said he was guarding the house in case there were terrorists. Jason asked what happened next. Scott said his wife found Robin and brought her to the house. Scott said they left work around 1 and this was around 3. He said around 4 or so he thought about the bowling tournament that was supposed to be going on that night. He said he was trying to get his life back to normal that evening. Scott said he had only been in the league for a year or so. He said Robin and his wife went out to find dinner. He said he was invited but he said he was going to go to the bowling alley first. He said he was sure there wasn't going to be bowling. He said Robin and his wife found a diner and he found that he wasn't the only asshole at the bowling alley. He said there were about 10 people there. Jon asked if he bowled. Scott said no one was bowling. They just showed up. Gary said he's not sure how anyone bowls on 9/11.
Scott said he went to the diner after that. Jon asked if Robin was pissed about being left at the mall. Scott said he had the felling she didn't want to be there either. Scott said everything was closed and she wasn't going to find a ride. Gary asked where Robin went that night. Scott said Robin asked to borrow his car. He said fine and said he's not sure how she was going to get to Staten Island. Scott said she had to go north and all the way back down. He said she kind of had to bribe her way through road blocks.
Jon said he wants to stop Scott for a second. He asked Gary what Robin was thinking when she asked Scott to drop her at the mall. Gary said he thinks that everyone's feeling was to just get home and you'd feel better. Jason said that he was with Robin when she decided to go with Scott. He said they were watching the news and Robin was wondering if she should take that ride. She didn't jump at the decision. On asked if Wood Yi got home alright. Scott said he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the show and he's glad he got through. He said he was there that day on 9/11 and it was just something he can't describe. He said he feels for Robin being stuck with Scott. He said he was stuck with his best friend that day. The caller said the city came together that day and that's all he wanted to say.
Jason said the reason Robin needed a ride home is because her driver left around 10. He said that he just called and said he was leaving with or without Robin. Jon said that KC ran out of the building pretty quick too. Jon said his daughter was 3 or 4 years old at the time and she's always lived with it. Jon said that it just warps your way of thinking after what happened. He said the world is a different place.
Gary said his kids didn't know what happened exactly. He said he hugged his son that day and he must have wondered why dad was being so weird that day.
The guys talked about their feelings on that day. Gary said that he remembers when the second plane hit and Howard said ''We're under attack.'' Jason said he remembers people thinking it was a small plane that hit the first building. He said that they were wondering why it hadn't happened before. Gary said it's hard to tell how big a plane is when it happens. He said it was from so far away. Gary said Howard was on it early. He said Howard probably said Osama bin Laden before the news media did. They went to break a short time after that.
Richard asked if Gary ever thought about changing his name. Gary said Howard wanted him to change it to Gary Dell. He said he thought about that for about a second. Gary said it was just to make it less annoying. Jon asked what made him decide to keep it. Gary said Howard used to make fun of his name and play that Tarantella music. He said Howard used to play up the pronunciation.
Jon asked if Gary slips into the Italian accent thing. Gary said he does and he knows that Howard's trainer, Pat, gets upset with the way he and Artie used to pronounce stuff on the show. He said Italians don't even speak like that.
Jon asked JD if he ever slips into that accent. JD said he doesn't but some people think he has a southern accent. He said he doesn't think he does though. Jon said that he might have an Ohio accent.
Gary asked Say to say Marinara. Sal said it in that very Italian accent. Sal said that there's a rule of thumb where you end most Italian words with a vowel. He gave some examples and talked about how upset he gets with some pronunciations.
Sal said that even the Sopranos made him nuts. He said they didn't pronounce it the right way. He said that it's manifested into those words. He said that the rolling of the Rs makes them great lovers too. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon said he has people who have a hard time with his name too. He said that Dice screwed it up and so did Ron Howard.
Jon said that Gary has gotten ragged on before. Gary said he had friends who wrote ''Dell'Abate rhymes with Masturbate'' on his class election signs.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was going to ask Gary if he teaches his kids about the Italian stuff. Gary said they still go to Little Italy around Thanksgiving or Christmas. He said his kids love that stuff.
Jon asked JD if he does any of that. JD said he's lucky to get home every year. He said he will go to a place called Skyline Chili if he's home in Ohio.
Jon said now joining them was Katharine McPhee. She said she was just about to do a selfie. Jon said that she can do that. Jon said that she's out promoting Scorpion which is a new show coming out on CBS. Jon said he though the pilot was pretty good. He said people should check it out. Katharine said that Jon said that like he was surprised. Jon said he sees a lot of pilots and that was actually good.
Jon said that Katharine came out of American Idol and she's done very well. Katharine said sometimes it works out better for some than others. Gary asked how old she was when she was on the show. She said she was 21 at the time. She said that she was going to school and then she dropped out to go to Los Angeles. She said she was doing some musicals and stuff. She said she workshopped Rock of Ages and she thought that was pretty cool while the guy she was dating didn't think it was.
Jon said that Sal was in a film recently and he did a rap video. He said he realized his dream later on in life. He said it sounds like Smash was her opportunity to do that. Katharine said that it was the perfect opportunity for her. She said that they were developing it at Showtime at the time. She said that it was like the perfect storm for her. She said she had the right voice for the show. Katharine said that was her favorite thing to do so far in her career. She said she's having a blast doing Scorpion too though. Jon said with Idol the judges are very important. Jon said Howard is a judge on AGT. He asked how she'd compare him to the Idol judges. Katharine said she doesn't watch the show much. She said he seems to be nice to people for the most part. She said being direct is better than not. She said that she's a realist and she thinks that she tries to do things that she can actually do. She said she prefers people be more direct. Katharine said she mostly agreed with Simon Cowell. Gary asked if he ever told her she was bad that night. Katharine said she thinks he did but she can't remember. Katharine said she goes back and looks at those performances and she had a lot to learn. She said she wasn't a seasoned performer. She said she was doing most of her singing in her home.
Jon said that a lot of people fell for her when she was on Idol. One of them was Eric the Actor. Katharine said she remembers him. Gary said she liked Diana DeGarmo too. He said that he got in touch with her mother. Gary said it was mostly her and Katharine. Jon said that he's wondering how she deals with that. He said ultimately she wants to be nice to fans. She said that's true.
Gary asked what people said when they told her that Howard wanted her to call into the show. Katharine said that she was chubby and cheerful at the time and she thinks Howard made a comment about her needing to lose weight. She said that he's very honest. Gary said he knows. Gary said Howard thinks he's so fat he shouldn't be walking around. Katharine said she didn't want to go on the show at the time. She said she may not have been comfortable with the stuff he wanted to talk about.
Gary was looking up pictures of Katharine on the web. She told him that she was more round back then. She said it was about 20 pounds more than she is now. She said she fluctuates about 5 or 6 pounds. JD said there's nothing wrong with that. Gary asked what she stopped doing. Katharine said she stopped focusing on certain things and kept busy.
Jon said now she's on Scorpion and she plays the mom of a young kid who gets caught up in the whole team. Jon asked if she ever imagined playing anything like that. Katharine said on her 20th birthday she said to her mom that she had a list of things that she wanted to do and getting a show was on that list.
Jon said a lot of people from Idol have gotten pretty famous from the show. Katharine said that she stays in touch with Kelly Pickler. She said that she's really proud of what she's done. She said everyone was very lovely on the show. She said that she imagines people are happy for her. She said she's happy for them. Jon said they're happy for her success.
Jon asked Shuli to give them his Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli ran down a few things that they had coming up today. He ran down a few things and then Jon wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:05am.
Benjy asked what it means if she is part to blame. He said there are other circumstances going on there. Benjy said they don't know the whole story. He said he did a horrible thing. He said he won't say it's justified. Gary said even if she was punching him it doesn't make it right. Benjy said what he did seems horrible and a crime. Gary said that a lot of women's organizations would ask how that would change what happened. Benjy said when a crime takes place you need to know what happened first. Jon said no one knows the whole story. He said that it seemed like the NFL knew more than they let on. Jon said he's getting the Watergate kind of feeling now. Gary said the cover up is worse than the crime. Gary wondered if they can trust the people who run the organization. Jon said everyone's skepticism is growing. He said that they're there to talk about the show so they won't go on.
Jon said that he thinks King is going to stick with thinking Rice wasn't 100 percent to blame. Benjy said he heard that she spit at him and charged him. Gary said she made some move toward him. Gary said she may smack at his face and his body doesn't budge. Benjy said if it was a man to a man then it's different. Gary said it can't be compared to that. He said you just can't compare it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought it was interesting how NFL treats drug abuse and marijuana abuse compared to this. He said the guy beats someone and they give him a few game suspension. He said it's odd where their priorities are. Jon said they could talk about that all day. He said he wants to focus more on the show.
Jon said there are times when there are callers like King and they can get under your skin. Gary said he hates to talk about him when he's not on the phone. He said he knows he'll call in on Monday and twist it around. Gary said King acts like he knows what he's thinking and he just doesn't know. Benjy said he thinks the same way. He said he doesn't know and he's making some assumptions. Benjy was in the middle of a thought when Jon cut him off and said that they had Jeffrey Tambor coming in so he had to cut him off and send him out of the studio. They went to break after that.
Gary said that he writes emails and he starts off with ''Hey now!'' because people know it from the show. Jeffrey asked what Jon's phrase is. Jon said he's the one who coined the phrase Jump the Shark. Jeffrey said he wanted to switch up the interview and talk to him about that. Jon said he thinks people want to hear more about Jeffrey than they do about him.
Jon said he didn't know anything about the new show Jeffrey is doing. Its on Amazon and it's called ''Transparent.'' He said that's coming on September 26th. Jeffrey said they have 10 episodes all coming at once. He said he grew up in San Francisco and they had channel 2, 4 and 7 and they had to turn it themselves. He said now they have this brave new world.
Jon said the series is Transparent and loved Jeffrey in the dress. Jeffrey said he didn't know what it meant when he saw ''Transparent.'' He said that it's like Trans-Parent. He plays a transvestite parent. He said that he wears a dress in the show. Jeffrey said that it's about the family and what happens when they find out this big secret. Jeffrey said he just wants to take one more second and they can get back to ''Hey now!''
Jon said that he can't think of anything like this on regular TV. He said maybe Shameless is kind of like it. Jeffrey said this is a sexy little show. He said there are some interesting things in there. Jon told Jeffrey what he liked in the show. He said there is sex of all kinds on the show.
Jeffrey said that the woman is a woman of age, 70, and he's hard of hearing and all of that. Gary said he thought he was in his mid-60s. Jeffrey asked what the difference is. Gary said there are a few years there. Jeffrey said that there is only 5 years difference. Gary said he's 53 and he'd take 48 tomorrow. Gary said if he went to look at his IMDB how many projects has he been in. Jeffrey didn't have an answer but he did say that he was in ''And Justice For All'' and that was his first project. JD told him he was great in ''Three O'Clock High.'' Gary said he's been acting for a long time. Jeffrey said he's been acting for 50 years. He said he's been out there for a long time.
Jon said that JD has directed part of an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He asked if he had any advice for him. Jeffrey told him what to do for the actors and told him not to be afraid of making mistakes. Jeffrey said that most actors are afraid to make mistakes.
Jon asked if Jeffrey remembers doing The Larry Sanders show. Jeffrey said that Howard is shy and he went up to him at the show and told him he was doing a good job. He said that he thinks he's liked him since then because of that.
Jeffrey said Howard really believes it when he tells someone they're talented. He said you can tell the bullshit. He said if you tell the truth, like they do in Transparent, then people will listen. He said if people BS then people will cut you off.
Jon asked Jeffrey about who he learned from the most from the people he worked with. Then he asked who he was most awed by. Jeffrey said he was on stage with George C. Scott for 2 years and when he gets in his area of wondering what to do he always listens to George. He said he was his true mentor. Jeffrey said he was funny, tortured and great. He said he was a great mentor. He said George almost broke his leg trying to get him to turn out toward the audience.
Jon gave Jeffrey a plug for the new show ''Transparent'' that's coming out on September 26th. Jeffrey said if you sign up he'll come to your house. He said he's just joking. Jon said he is ''The Hey Now guy.'' Jeffrey also said he has not jumped the shark. Gary gave him a ''Hey now!'' Jeffrey just said ''Oh god.'' He gave them a ''Hey now!'' as they were heading to break.
Jon moved on to talk about Gavin Rossdale. He said Bush is back and Gavin has been with Gwen Stefani for 12 years now and that's pretty amazing in Hollywood. He thought that it was a great interview too. Gary said he liked it when he said that he talked to Gwen about Facetime and she said there was no way they were doing that. He said that's what every wife says.
Jon said Howard got another guitar for his collection too. Gary said they have Paul McCartney, Slash, Leslie West, Donovan and others. Jon said he may have a Joe Walsh but Gary wasn't sure about that. Jon asked what Howard is going to do with them all. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he knows he has a place to mount them but he's not sure what he's going to do with them. He wondered if Howard is still into playing. Jon said he thinks he still plays but he's doing other things. He said he's very busy with doing other things. Jon said he's doing AGT and the radio show too.
Steve Brandano said that he thinks art has taken over for the guitar. He said he may be sliding in that direction. Jon asked if Gary has anything he likes to do like that. Gary said he doesn't really have a hobby. He said he hasn't learned anything new.
Steve said he was defending Gary with the ''pieces of vinyl'' term the other day. He said that's a hobby too. Gary said he was looking through an electronics magazine and they were talking about how a turntable is a big addition to a home theater these days. He said he was happy to read that.
Jon asked Gary about the stool discussion they had last week and if he thought about it when Howard complained. Gary said he didn't with that. He said that he does sometimes but not with the stools. He said that people use those stools all the time. He said it's not like no one is sitting on them.
Jon has been to the theater and he thinks the stools are great. He said if you want food then you don't want to be in the comfortable chairs. Gary said you can't eat chicken wings in the chairs but you can on the stools. Benjy said that Howard was wondering why you can't watch a movie and not eat. Benjy asked if Howard has any stools at his house. Jon said he does but not in his theater.
Gary said he invites everyone in the fantasy football league up to watch football. He said that he told Mary that he was going to have Michael Rapaport and a porn star over. He said he wasn't going to say anything to the kids until after she's gone. Steve said they will recognize her. Jon said that the kids usually want to hang out in a different part of the house. They won't with this Lisa Ann. Steve said they will know her more than Michael Rapaport. Gary said he's never seen any of her stuff. He said he did meet her and thought she was a lot of fun. Steve said Gary is out of the game but the kids will know.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has stools in the back of his home theater too. He said when you have people over it's there to entertain and that's why it's a dual purpose room. He said he has the guys over to watch the game on Sundays and then they have family on other nights and you turn the lights down and watch. Gary said it wasn't that Howard had his opinion that got to him. He said he hated that people who listen to the show were so against it when they don't know the facts.
Jon said Gavin Rossdale handled The Voice thing really well. He said he didn't want to step on her toes and get in her way on the show. He said she welcomed him though because they could work together. Gary said he thought it was cool that he didn't want to be that person. He said there are others that would want to.
Benjy said that at first she didn't want him to be part of it. He said it was interesting that she went through that process and then changed her mind.
Jon said if you're together for 12 years then you must have a comfortable relationship. He said that they're both musicians and they have managed to thrive in their relationship. He said he doesn't know of any other musicians who have done that.
Benjy said he never feels jealousy toward Elisa when she gets work. Gary asked Benjy if she got a big part on a TV show and she was the big star on the red carpet and he was asked to move out of the shot then what would he do. Benjy said it happens to them sometimes. He said he can't imagine not being happy for her. Gary said in the beginning it's good but then after years it might get to him.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the celerity nude pictures that were circulating. Gary asked if Jon saw them. Jon said he has not. Gary saw some. Shuli said he did too. Steve said he didn't know about it until that Monday. He said someone there showed them on their phone and that's how he got to see them. Benjy said he's not sure if they saw them. Gary said he had seen them on someone's phone and if you look up her pictures naked now they're not the right ones. Benjy said he must not have seen them then. Benjy asked if there is any guilt there when they look at something like that when they're stolen. Gary said he feels a little guilty. He said that she didn't mean for them to be seen. Gary said there's a chance they will be seen if you take them. Gary said that he felt for the purposes of the show that he needed to see them. Jon said that's like Sal watching porn.
Shuli said he felt guilty while he was cleaning up afterward. Steve said he didn't feel guilty immediately but now he does. Gary said he likes Jennifer Lawrence and he feels for her. He said that she's like 22 years old and very young. He said he felt more guilty about that than Kate Upton. He said he has no connection to her.
Jon said that they talked about this earlier in the week but he wanted to bring it up again. He asked if Benjy would feel uncomfortable if his private photos were out there. Benjy said he would but he'd also do it. He said he thinks he has flaws. Jon asked Gary if he would ever worry about that. Gary said he was dating someone once and they were going to make a video if they lost weight. He said they had to get to a certain amount. Gary said she broke up with him when she was just 3 pounds away from the goal.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli ran down a few things they had. There was a story about Scott the Engineer taking up smoking again. That led to the guys talking about that for a short time. Jon said he feels for Scott because he gave it up for 10 years. Shuli said they know what his life is like and it makes you wonder why it took him so long to start again.
Shuli ran down a few more stories and then Jon had the guys get in their plugs and then ended the show. They were done around 10:55am.