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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about a story in the paper about fist bumping. He said he still goes to fist bump people and they give him a smirk. He said that he does that because he doesn't want to get ill. He said he doesn't want to get their crap on his hands and get sick. Robin said the tide is in his favor. Robin said the research is saying he's right. Howard said they did an experiment where they dipped a gloved hand into a container with E.Coli in it. They fist bumped a clean gloved hand and also hand shook the other hand. He said they found the hand shake transferred the E.Coli more than the fist bump. Howard said that's why he does that.
Howard said people just want to touch you and shake your hand. Howard said he wished people wanted to do that in high school. He said now if he does the fist bump they look at him like he's nuts. He said President Obama has started fist bumping. He said he hates the hand shaking thing. Howard said Beth is coming to that conclusion now too.
Howard said if the custom was to lick each other's assholes no one would do that. Howard said they did the same experiment with paint to show how much transferred. Howard said he's very happy to fist bump. He said it's got to be done.
Howard said JD sent him some clips over the weekend. He said that Deirdre Imus was on the Imus show bad mouthing him about how ugly he is. Howard said he was exasperated. Howard said he doesn't have the energy to take that dumb cunt and bad mouth her. Howard said she's Imus' wife and he doesn't really care about her. He said she got on there and started bad mouthing him out of nowhere. He said even Imus seemed thrown off. Howard said she was saying he's irrelevant. Howard said he's the one who is relevant and he's done something with his life. He said all she does is blow Imus. Howard said Imus looks horrible too. Howard said he admits he looks horrible himself but Imus looks awful too.
Howard said you should see Imus' wife. He said she lost her looks and hit the wall hard. Howard said she's covered up in a cowboy hat. He said no offense but she's fucking fat and not hot. He said she looks dudeish and she's got a mouth like a truck driver.
Howard said he wouldn't start commenting on Deirdre's looks if she didn't start in with this. Howard said Imus found his wife though a radio contest. He said that can't be a good feeling. Howard said at this point Imus was looking for Kate Hudson and he ended up with Goldie Hawn. Robin said that's not very nice. Howard apologized to Goldie for that.
Howard played some audio of Deirdre going off on him. He said she's not a great wit and he's not sure why she's starting in with him. He said he has so much on Imus to bring up. Howard said that if they just stayed quiet about him he'd never bother them. Howard said she just came out of nowhere and smacked him on the head with this.
Howard played a clip and Deirdre was rambling about Joan Rivers. Howard said she's coming in today. Imus told Deirdre that Joan is on Howard Stern's show all the time and that's when Deirdre said Howard is irrelevant. Howard said it's frightening to see this woman on TV. He said she's talking about his looks and he's not sure why. Howard said no one cares about Imus' show. Howard said he changed his whole show to sound like his back when they were at NBC.
Deirdre was wondering what Howard did to his mouth or neck. Howard said he didn't re-do his neck or chin. He said he has the wrinkles of a 60 year old. Howard said he may look bad but she's sucking a corpse off. Imus was throwing in the time while his wife was going off on Howard. Howard said this woman has done nothing with her life. He said he doesn't care what she does with it. He said she should shut up. He said he can make it a living hell for her if she doesn't shut up. Imus was asking her to please just stop. Howard said he's not sure how this guy is on the air still. Howard said he's got no ratings at all. He said just listen to this guy.
Howard played more of the clip and talked about how she was saying penis and she wouldn't be able to say that if it wasn't for him.
Howard said she's noting but an ugly cunt with no talent. Howard said she has done nothing. Robin wondered why she's worried about calling people names. She said you'd think her mind would be somewhere else with the cancer kids she's talking about. Howard said as soon as he heard this he wondered why she would stir him up like that. Howard said she should be evaluating her own looks. Howard said she used to be attractive but she's not anymore. Howard said he has no interest in Imus anymore and he'd never even comment on them if it wasn't for this clip. Howard said talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Howard asked who she is to say he's irrelevant with all of his accomplishments. Howard said she's nothing and she has done nothing. He said she's married to Imus because she won a date with him on his show. Howard said he picked her out of a line. He said if he put her in a line up now there's no way he'd pick her.
Howard asked why she would stir him up. He said it's the dumbest thing she could do. Howard said if he was irrelevant she wouldn't even talk about him. Howard said she's trying to sound all irreverent. Howard said she's a curmudgeon like Imus now.
Howard said they do their show from that cancer ranch during the summer. He said he forgot about that. He said she's all angry and trying to out Imus, Imus. Howard said he has to get off of that because it doesn't deserve the attention.
Howard took a call from a guy who said fuck that Deirdre. Howard said he heard Imus can't stand her and she can't stand him. Howard said it sounds like a nightmare marriage. Howard said she came down to the radio station to get a date with Imus. Howard said Imus picked her and now he's stuck with her. Howard said there she is trying to be Imus on his show.
The caller said it's really hard to understand Imus. Howard said he hated it when he worked with him and he'd put his mom on the air. Howard said he would try not to deal with it because he'd fuck his game up. Howard said that guy sat at his feet and Imus would sit and watch them write the show. Robin said he would sit in a corner during the show and watch them doing it. Howard said Imus found the best and he imitated it. Robin said it worked out well for him.
Fred played a song parody he did about Imus a while back to the tune of Bon Jovi's ''Wanted Dead or Alive.'' Howard laughed as it played. Howard said the only problem with that song is that Imus is speaking too clearly. Howard said he has to get off that subject. He said it's not worth the attention.
The caller asked if AGT is live this week. Howard said it is. He said the last couple of months he was on TV and not doing any actual work. He said he loves the job but it's so diametrically opposed to what they do there. Howard said they're live on Tuesday night from 9 to 11. He said just staying awake is really hard. He said he has a call time of 3:30 and he's like ''Fuuuuck.'' Howard said they have to do a rehearsal with the Rockettes and then they want to do a red carpet thing. Howard said it's like an hour long red carpet. He said he has to answer dumb questions there.
Howard said he told them he wants to show up later. He said they didn't care. He said they just told him to show up early. Howard said they don't have any time for dinner over there. Howard said he will be mean to the contestants and people will wonder why. Howard said Tuesday and Wednesday are both live through the rest of the summer. He said he wonders how he's going to stay awake. He said he wants to fall asleep at that table and just get up when they're ready to judge.
Howard said he has a list of the people who are competing and it's going to be a great show. Howard said he's looking forward to that. He said they have so many great talents. Howard said it's great stuff. Howard said it would be great if the camera went to him and he was just asleep in Mel B's breasts.
Howard said his wife wants to come and see the show. He said it's going to be a good show. He said tomorrow the whole crew from the show will be in. He said they'll get to say hello to them. Howard said Joan Rivers is coming in today. He said TMZ caught her talking about Israel at an airport so she was all over the news. Howard said he's not sure why more people in Hollywood don't speak out about that story. Howard said Roger Waters is opening his stupid yap about it. He said sometimes you just say it.
Howard said Geraldo Rivera is talking about it and talking about how worried he is about the Palestinian's. He said he's way off base. Howard said Geraldo has been great to the show but come on. Howard said he went up against Frank Stallone in that fight for the show.
Howard said Richard was out there too and he ended up playing with two guys from Metallica. Howard had Richard come in and talk about it. Richard's fingers were all bandaged up from playing drums. Richard said he was playing with such intensity that he got blisters and then they were bleeding. Richard said he was taping them up in between songs. He said he had meat hanging off.
Richard said he used to buy $50 drumming gloves but he'd go through them in a night. He said you need it to happen so you can have the calluses grow over them. Howard asked how this came about where he played with them. Richard said it was Kirk and a couple of other guys. He said that Kirk is into horror movies and he was out promoting an action figure he has out there. Richard said he has some connections who set him up with the guys. Richard said he was trying to prepare for it but he didn't know what he was playing until about 2 hours before the show.
Richard said he had some of the songs in the computer for him. He said they had a couple of singers there who were performing. Richard said they did Trapped Under Ice and some ''Purple Haze'' so Howard played some of the Purple Haze performance.
Richard said he wasn't sure it was going to happen out there. He didn't tell anyone about it. Gary said he told him he was doing it but didn't invite him to do it. Gary said he walked right but it not knowing Richard was there. He said he would have come in if he knew.
Richard said they did the song ''Am I Evil'' which is another Metallica song. Howard said they tweeted out a picture of Richard's torn up hands. Howard said Richard sounds even better on this song than on Purple Haze. Howard played some of that song and asked Richard if it was surreal playing with them. Richard said it was. He said seeing Kirk playing just feet away was surreal. He said they were up until like 4 in the morning talking about horror movies.
Richard said he sat and listened to the songs he was going to play for like 3 hours. He said he knew the Metallica songs and just wanted to make sure he knew what to play. He said he threw his own kind of flavor into them. He said he really had fun with Trapped Under Ice.
Howard asked Richard about playing drums and how it's considered a percussion instrument. Howard said he doesn't get that. Howard said Billy Joel was talking about how the piano is like drums. Howard said that's not percussion. He said that the tuba is an electric guitar then. Howard said if drums are the same as the piano then the tuba is the same as a guitar. Robin said he doesn't get what percussion is.
Howard said he's happy for Richard. Richard said it was amazing being out at Comic-Con. Howard played some more of Richard playing with those guys. Howard played one song that he said Richard must really know that one. Howard asked how many people were there. Richard said it was probably 400 people. Howard asked if he thinks Kirk was really happy with this drumming. Richard said he thinks so. He said he also knew that he was a big horror movie fan.
Richard said Sal was there. He said he was so proud of him. Howard said he heard he was crying in the audience. Howard said Sal wanted to be a big rapper and all he ended up being was a turtle. Richard said Sal does cool things too. He said he was on Law and Order. Howard said that was for like 3 seconds.
Richard thanked some people for helping him get the audio. Howard said no one cares. Howard said he should just thank him because he gets to do that stuff because of him. Howard said he just had to ruin it. Richard said he didn't want to ruin it.
Howard thanked Richard and said he should go out on a high. Richard said someone asked if he was wearing boxers out there. He said if you do that then your balls almost get tied in a knot. He said he has to wear tight underwear. He said he's still wearing them now. Howard said he's so gross. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it's always good when Joan Rivers is there. Howard said she's got a new book out called ''Diary of a Mad Diva''. Howard said the book has made a lot of news and a lot of controversy. Howard said she looks extra beautiful today. Howard said she's wearing her own jewelry that she sells on QVC. Howard asked what that stuff sells for. She said it's about $125. Howard said he likes it. He said he likes her smell too. She said she sells that too. She said that's the Joan Rivers perfume. Howard asked who cuts her hair. She said it's a Puerto Rican named Raymond Rosario.
Howard said she has stopped the plastic surgery. Joan said she hasn't done anything in 5 years. Howard said she looks good. He said she has dysmorphia. Howard said it's crazy. Joan said she just wants to look better than Khloe Kardashian.
Howard asked Joan if she's ever been told to see a psychiatrist. Joan said no one has. Howard said what he loves about her is that she's at war with everyone. He said that she's at war with Jerry Lewis. Howard said he has to play a clip to get her riled up. He said this will make her crazy. He played the clip and Jerry was talking to Maria Menounos and said that he would get upset when someone dies unless it's Joan Rivers. Jerry said that's the first time he's ever made that statement. He said he ain't lying. Maria asked him why that is. Jerry said that Joan set the Jews back 1000 years. He said she went to Israel and uprooted two trees in his name. Joan said she did. Jerry said Joan attacked him in the press and he was upset by that. Jerry said that they have never met. Joan said that's not true. Jerry went on to say that he was going to put a hit out on her. Howard said he has connections too. Jerry said he wrote a letter to Joan with all of that in it.
Joan told Howard that he is a bad man and bad with his sons and all of that. Howard played more of the clip and Jerry was explaining what he wrote in the letter and how he was serious about what he said. Howard said he really did have connections. Joan said she loved the mob.
Joan said she went to do the Jerry Lewis telethon and she saw him saying that this kid was going to die. She got upset with him for saying that in front of the kid. Joan said she never went on the Telethon again. She said that's what set her off. She said the kid had MD and you don't say ''This kid is going to die'' in front of the kid. Joan said that's not right.
Howard said Jerry is a great icon in the country. Joan said he was. Howard said he's not sure why he would go on and say that he was going to hire someone to beat her up. Joan said he meant it too. She said that it was 35 years ago and he still remembers it. Joan said when you have a damp diaper she guessed that's what happens. Joan said she just moves on and doesn't linger on that stuff.
Joan said she's so lucky that she wakes up in the morning. Howard said he thinks she carries that stuff with her. Joan said she really doesn't. Joan said that even Barry Diller she doesn't hate. She said they're still standing at this age.
Howard asked about Ben Stein. Joan said he's a lying scumbag. Howard said she does hold grudges. Robin said that was a recent thing.
Howard said Joan walked out of CNN a couple of weeks ago. He asked if that was calculated. Joan said it wasn't. She said this woman was asking her why she went after Princess Diana in her book. She said she had to defend herself. She said it's a funny book and it's a laughing book so she wasn't sure why she was so serious.
Howard said Katie Couric was on the show and she was upset about her not being happy with her interview. Joan said she loves Katie. Howard said Katie did the interview and Joan felt it was hard hitting. Joan said it wasn't what she expected. She said it was the way she was asking her questions. She said she likes Katie.
Howard asked about what happened when she walked out of CNN. Joan said that her entourage were there and they had no idea that she walked off the show. Howard said that shows you have to have a sense of humor. Howard said no one really cares. Joan said they really don't.
Howard said he saw Joan on TMZ talking about Israel. Joan said that what's going on over there is unbelievable. They spent a minute talking about that. Joan said that Mary was a Jewish woman. He said that they didn't kill Jesus either. She said people should be going after the Romans.
Howard said he read that Kristen Stewart was threatening to sue Joan over a joke. Howard said she seems humorless. Joan said she really is. Howard said Joan said that she's a one trick pony in her book. Howard said that she threatened to sue her over saying that she keeps her career going because she knows how to juggle movie director's balls. Joan said Kristen's lawyer called her lawyer and said she wanted an apology. She said she was thrilled and went right to the press and talked about that.
Howard asked Joan about the book and how she writes that. Joan said she writes and re-writes it. Howard said that she has written a lot of books. Howard said she has to have no live to be so successful. Howard said a lot of people her age have lost it or just gotten out of the business. Joan said she loves it.
Howard asked Joan if she has ever gotten an award from the President. She said she has not. She said she hasn't even been invited to the White House.
Howard asked Joan about her husband dying and how she wasn't able to get his body out of the state. She said he committed suicide in a hotel in Philadelphia. Howard said maybe she should have left him in Pennsylvania. She said she would have but Melissa wanted him back. Joan said she was pissed at him and would have left him there.
Howard said Joan called the White House and got through to Nancy Reagan. Joan said she had to get the body out and she begged Nancy to help her. She said that it was like 2 in the morning when he called. Joan said Nancy said she would see what she could do and the next morning the body came back. Joan said she still adores Nancy. She said she's doing fine. She said her mind is as sharp as ever. Howard said she looks good. Joan said she was a movie star. She said she's in her 90s and she still has her marbles.
Howard asked Joan about the comedians who reach her age and how they tend to forget and lose it. Howard said she hasn't lost it at all. Joan said that her show ''Say Yes to the Dress'' has an average audience age of 22.7. Joan said that she has a lot of young people watching her show.
Howard said Joan praises Lena Dunham in her book but then she bashes her. Joan said she doesn't want to see her naked. She said that she doesn't want to say she's beautiful. She made a joke about plucking her own nipples. Howard said he knew a girl who had hairy nipples and she had to tweeze them all the time. Howard asked if she really had that. Joan said she did not. It was just a joke.
Howard said that Joan talks about Melissa McCarthy in her book and she says that she wouldn't be as famous if she was thin.
Howard read what Joan wrote about Gwyneth Paltrow in her book. Howard said she tells Gwyneth that she's very lucky to be where she is. Joan said she shouldn't think that she's irreplaceable. She said that she's naming her kids with weird names and things like that. Howard asked who she thinks is the most beautiful woman in the world. Joan said it's Angelina Jolie. Howard asked if she's still there. Joan said she was the last time she saw her. Joan said that she saw Uma Thurman in LAX and she was such a movie star. She said she's looking great.
Howard said he thinks that Robin Wright is hot. He said she keep herself together. Joan said she thinks she's wonderful.
Howard said he loves this quote in her book. He said she hates autocorrect because it doesn't understand nuance and it's kind of like Jay Leno. Joan said that Jay will be totally forgotten now. She said she loves that. She said that Jimmy Fallon is doing great and he's going to make everyone forget about Jay.
Howard said Jay held a grudge against Joan that Johnny Carson had. Howard said that Johnny didn't even like Jay Leno. Howard said the one stance he took was against. Joan. Joan said they would call once a year asking why they were doing this. She said she was banned from the show.
Howard asked Joan if she thinks they did the right thing on The View hiring those people. Joan said she thinks it's a horrible idea. She said she loves Rosie though. She said that she misses the people who used to be on the show. She said she misses the Nazi Elisabeth Hasselbeck. She said that they needed her on the show. Howard asked why she's a Nazi. Joan said there were a bunch of reasons like her being a conservative and also that she has that blond hair and blue eyes.
Howard said Joan goes off on Heidi Klum in her book too. Howard said he sits next to her on America's Got Talent.
Howard gave Joan a plug for her book and she said they translated it to Korean which is hilarious. She said she's not sure how it translates though. Howard asked if she'll go into a depression when it's no longer on the best seller list. Joan said she will. She said she's enjoying it now though.
Howard asked what she's doing today. Joan said she's going to QVC and she's doing a couple of interviews. She said she naps in her car when she's traveling around. Howard asked if she did that when she was younger. Joan said she didn't. She said Melissa has to wake her up now.
Howard said Joan isn't neurotic about her life. Howard asked if she's had anything like cataracts. Joan said they took one out and then she saw herself in the mirror and wondered how long it would be before they grew back. Joan said when she takes a bath her vagina sucks up all of the water in the tub. She said if Whitney Houston had a vagina like her's then she'd still be alive today.
Howard said when you get old your anus can fall out. Joan said that hasn't happened to her yet. She said that things do drop. Joan said she does not look at that stuff. She said that her energy level is still high too. Joan said she's doing so many things now. She said she's got internet shows. She said she does a bit where she pretends to call famous people and you hear her side of the conversation.
Howard said Joan talks about female comics in her book. Howard said they complain that they're not famous. Howard said Joan points out that if you're funny then it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. Joan said that Sarah Silverman and Whitney Cummings are a couple that are famous. Joan said this is a time for female comedians.
Howard asked what the one thing is that she regrets she hasn't done. Joan had to cough so Howard asked her to die there if she's going to die. Howard said he'll take a picture and tweet it out. Howard said he'll do right by her.
Howard asked what it is she would like to do. Joan said she'd like to do a late show late at night and just tell the truth on it. Howard said she has the Fashion Police show. Howard said she does have a show. Joan said he'd like a Tonight Show kind of show. She said everyone TiVos now anyway so it doesn't matter what time she's on. Howard said she had ratings on her TV show when she had it. Joan said that was about her husband. She said that she had to pick her husband or the show. She said it was like Sophie's choice.
Howard asked if she wanted to kill herself over the loss of that show. Joan said yes. Howard said she finally had her own show and it was such a public humiliation. Howard said that the people who build you up will shit on your face if they feel something is going wrong. Howard said they did that to Chevy Chase. Howard said that probably hurt. Joan said the Smothers Brothers were everyone's darlings. Then their ratings dropped and they got rid of them and bad mouthed them.
Howard asked Joan about what it was like when her husband Edgar died. Joan said that she lost everything. She said that she was untouchable. Joan said she was black listed from NBC and other places. She said the bills were coming in and she had a gun. She said she was going to kill herself. Joan said her dog spike came over and sat on her lap on top of the gun. She said that was it for her. She said no one was going to take care of Spike if she did it.
Howard asked Joan how she had a gun. Joan said her security guy had one. Joan said she was going to do it. Howard said it was a tough time for her. Howard said it's like a stoning for her. Joan said she had no place to go. She said she was 50 and she was back in the clubs at open mic nights. Howard said it was that bad that she had to go to open mic nights. Joan said she was untouchable. She said that they thought she was too old. She said it was a bad time for her. She said it was really rough.
Howard asked if she thought that Spike was trying to shoot her with the gun he sat on. Joan said she thought about what a great muff he would have made.
Howard gave Joan some more plugs for her book and said that it's on the NY Times Best Seller list. Joan said it's in Korean now too. Howard told Melissa to be nice to her mother when she loses her talk show. He was referring to Melissa getting upset with her when Edgar died. Howard asked Joan if she believes in an afterlife. Joan said no. Joan said that you should have a good time on Earth. She said she believes in reincarnation. Joan said she thinks you come back.
Howard told Joan just to imagine seeing Edgar when she dies. Joan said there are just some people she doesn't want to see. She said she would want to see her mother and a gay friend she had. That was about it.
Howard thanked Joan for coming in. He wished her luck with the book and all of that. Joan said she's working at the West Bank this week working out new material. Joan said Howard is wonderful on that America's Got Talent. Howard said he loves doing it most of the time. Howard said he shouldn't complain because they pay him and they send a car for him.
Howard told Joan about how he's been staying home painting lately. Joan said she does that too. Joan said that people who go out to the Hamptons just worry about getting home. She said she gets there on a Friday and she starts worrying about that right away.
Howard asked Joan if she got Prince Charles a baby gift. Joan said she did. She said she has a friend who has a baby store and she told her to get her something about $200. Howard gave Joan more plugs and then went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he just took a pee. He said he said goodbye to Joan and then wandered into the bathroom.
Howard said Pharrell Williams has a new hit song. He said he's a master of writing catchy tunes. Howard said Miley Cyrus is in the video with him. Howard asked Fred if he knows the song. Fred said he's trying to find it. Howard said it's called ''Come Get It Bae.'' He wasn't sure if it was a hit or not. Howard said he thinks he played it on their show. Howard played the song and said it's got to be a hit. Howard said maybe it is already and he sounds like a jerk.
Howard said he loves Cheap Trick's Magical Mystery Tour. He said he has that in his iTunes. He said he loves it. Howard said Pharrell's song is number 86. He said he thinks it'll work its way up. Howard asked Fred to play that Cheap Trick song. Howard said they add an excitement to it. He said they're just so good. Howard said they were more successful with the live stuff than they were with studio albums. Howard said he gets so charged up with this cover of ''Magician Mystery Tour.'' Howard listened to that song for a short time. Howard said that someone told him the Pharrell song peaked at 50-something and it's been on the charts for like 9 weeks. He said it's not going to be a hit apparently.
Howard said that he thinks about Rush Limbaugh when that Pretenders song ''My City was Gone'' is played. He said Rush uses it on his show all the time and he knows Chrissie Hynde isn't happy with him using it. Howard had Fred play that song too.
Howard said the Casey Kasem story is still going on. He said he has a quick read about the story to do. Howard read the short article about how Casey's body was taken by Jean Kasem. She took the body to Canada and now the funeral home is denying having the body. Howard said Kerri Kasem is posting messages on Twitter clearing some stuff up. She said that Jean knows exactly where he is and she's not sharing that with the family. Howard said Casey is more interesting in death than he ever was in life.
Howard said he has to get that hot daughter on the show. Robin said they have to get everyone in there to work things out.
Gary said that Jason told him that a girl cried when she met him. Howard asked who the biggest name is at Comic-Con. Gary said he saw a line for the Game of Thrones people. He said the whole crew was there. Howard asked if Peter Dinklage was there. Gary said he's not sure because he didn't go.
Howard said Gary won a contest for best costume. He said that people thought he was dressed up as Caesar from Planet of the Apes.
Gary said they got on the plane to leave and he fell asleep before they even took off. Gary said Sal was so jealous of him. Howard said he thinks it shows a sign that he's not that intelligent. Gary said they were up at 4 in the morning that morning and he was tired from working that day. Howard said he must not be active if he can fall asleep like that. Howard said he brought Gary into first class on the plane that time after the Arsenio Hall thing. He said Gary just fell right asleep. Gary said they were on the Red Eye that night. Howard said it was instantaneous though.
Gary said Sal said it's like he's got a super power to fall asleep. Howard said that's what it is. He said Gary can fall right asleep and nothing wakes him up.
Howard said he saw pictures of Gary with Adrianne Curry out there. Gary said she's into cosplay and she had a different outfit on each day. He said she was Bat Girl and she had to explain that it was the Bat Girl from the animated series. He said he had her on the Wrap Up Show out there. He said she hates that it's all Hollywooded up out there now. Howard said that it's about the fans meeting the stars there. Gary said that it wasn't cool but then it got cool and it's so cool that people are mad about it. Gary said some people are happy that the whole world knows about that stuff.
Howard said Adrianne goes out there and she doesn't even get paid to do it. Howard said she's so hot and she doesn't need to be in a costume. Gary said she just loves it. He said she's so knowledgeable about that stuff too. He said she wants to go see the artists and go see all of that. He said she hates that the big movies are there though.
Howard said Jon Hein was mistaken for Alice the Maid out there. He said he was wearing the mom jeans there. He said it had to be a thrill for everyone out there to meet everyone from the show other than Howard, Fred and Robin. Gary said it was.
Howard asked if they had press photos to sign out there. Gary said they did. Howard asked if he thinks people know who Steve is. Gary said they do. He said he was walking down the street with Ross and someone recognized Ross. He said that someone was pissed that Ralph didn't show up to the autograph signing. He was taping GEEKTIME at the time though.
Gary said that JD interviewed a bunch of big directors out there and they will air at a later date. Howard said the first thing JD asked Guillermo del Toro was an unintelligible question. He just mumbled something.
Howard asked Gary if he had to share a room with Jon Hein. Gary said they had their own rooms. He said that the first hotel they had was a bad one. He said that they had to move. Gary said the hotel was just a crappy hotel. Gary said they found other rooms and moved.
Howard read through a bunch more about that and then talked about Benjy and Elisa breaking up. Howard said he thinks that they're probably doing better than ever now that they have more fame than ever. Howard said that he bets they fucked. Benjy said they didn't. He said they made out a little. He said they're trying to figure things out. Benjy said it hasn't been as long as people think either. He said that it hasn't been since September. Benjy said it's embarrassing but there's more to it than that.
Howard said that it's either a year or since about April. Benjy said he thinks it's April. Howard said Heidi Cortez left Benjy a fantasy message. Howard played that for him. It was Heidi talking about what she'd do with him and how she'd look into his eyes and then having Benjy cuddling her.
Howard read some email he got about Benjy and Elisa. People were talking about his looks and how he wears lifts in his shoes and things like that. Howard said someone spotted Benjy and Elisa together and they have decided to give ''not fucking'' another try. Howard said their audience is very funny.
Howard read a few more about Benjy and Elisa and how Benjy was talking about how he's wasting his life on that show. Howard said that someone said maybe he should leave the show and go do a podcast so he can feel fulfilled. Howard said the guy said that Benjy isn't happy being on a show where he can be heard.
Howard said Riley Martin is on fire. He said he had an attack last week. He said that got everyone who writes song parodies fired up. Howard played some new song parodies that they created using clips of Riley mumbling last week while he had a case of ''food poisoning.'' Howard said there is something very musical about Riley.
Howard said that Riley thought he sounded fine but if he didn't then it's because he has leg pain. Howard played a clip from Riley's show where Riley explained that to a caller. Riley said that he was the one on the show and he may have sounded off because he has some leg pain on his left side. He said maybe it was one of those moments. He said he will be more tentative to his demeanor in the future. Howard said that was leg pain. Robin said she thought it was food poisoning.
Jeff said he's back on Twitter and now on Instagram. Howard asked why he was off Twitter. Jeff said he couldn't afford a phone. Howard asked who is looking forward to Jeff's life. He said he can't imagine a more depressing thing. Howard asked how often he posts. Jeff said that he does a few. He said Eric tweeted him and told him to go fuck himself.
Howard asked what his last tweet was. Jeff said it was to a girl named ''IWishIWasBeth'' and he wrote something about how he wishes he were Beth too.
Gary came in and said that Jeff has 24,000 followers and Imus' show has just 5,000. He said Imus' wife has 800.
Howard let Jeff go a short time later. Howard said everyone is getting a theme song other than Wolfie. Howard said he has one for Speech Impediment Man. He wasn't on the phone but he played the theme song anyway.
Howard said he actually is on the phone. Howard picked up on him and said that Daniel Mendelson did that one. Howard played a second song for Speech and that one was by Psych. Speech said he likes that one better. Howard said that Little Mikey did one to the same music. Speech said he likes that too.
Speech asked Howard if he would ever have a Stern Con. Howard said they have talked about doing that. Speech said they need to have one. Howard said the best thing about Speech Impediment Man are the theme songs.
Howard said they even made a song for JD's girlfriend. Howard played that one too. Howard said that everyone was asking to see JD's girlfriend out there at Comic-con. Gary said that the guy who played Data on Star Trek stopped by to talk and he asked to see JD's girl. He said JD was showing off the picture to people there.
Howard said he was thinking about how this girl has to be with JD because of his looks because he doesn't have a personality. Howard said he hates to talk and stuff. JD said she deals with it. He said he does talk a little bit. He said she may do most of the talking.
Howard asked JD what he talks about with this girl. JD said that they talk about things. Howard said he can barely speak to him when he walks by him in the hall. Howard said he'll stop and say hello to him in his office and he just mumbles a quick hello. Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD for a short time. Howard said he can't imagine him in a relationship with a chick. JD said they do talk. Howard wanted to have a conversation with him. He went into a girl's voice and had a fake phone conversation with JD. JD was saying a lot of ''I don't know'' and things like that.
Howard was making up a story about JD's girl having another man at her apartment. He was asking JD about who he met out there at Comic-Con. He had the guy in the background saying his pole was standing straight up like Ronnie said last week. JD just laughed. He said he had to go after a couple of minutes of that.
Howard had the girlfriend asking if JD went shopping for her out there. JD said he did. Howard asked what outfit he bought her. JD said she's a ''fan of stuff''. Howard got on the phone and asked what she was a fan of. JD said he doesn't care to talk to that girl again. Howard had the girl talking like she was in a Darth Nihilus mask. Howard asked what JD bought her. JD said he hasn't given it to her yet. He said it has something to do with Doctor Who and Game of Thrones. Robin said he just revealed her identity by revealing those facts.
Howard kept going with the conversation but JD had very little to say. Howard asked when he's going to see this girl again. JD said he'll see her this coming weekend.
Howard asked if JD beat off to her. JD said he didn't so Howard, as the girl, asked if he was beating off to Adrianne Curry in her Bat Girl outfit. JD kept laughing and trying to play along with Howard's bit.
Howard asked JD what he spent on the gifts. JD said one thing was about $45. Robin asked if it was a spoon. JD said he's done with spoons. Gary said someone gave him a spoon at the autograph signing and he was so annoyed. JD said he thought the guy wanted him to sign it.
Howard said Fred is more fun to talk to as JD than JD is. Howard and Fred talked as JD and his girlfriend for a short time. JD asked if he can leave now. Howard told him to stay there.
Howard took a call from Ralph who told Howard that Adrianne Curry was dressed as Cat Woman, not Bat Girl. He said Gary was so off on that. Howard asked Ralph if he got laid there. Ralph said he didn't but he had some fun there. He said he went to a Playboy party and there were tons of girls there. He said that he got some shrapnel from some of the girls hanging around the guy who plays Arrow. Ralph wasn't getting into detail and Howard wondered what was up with that.
Ralph said they had a maze at one of the parties and he took a girl back to the hotel. He said this girl jerked him off at the party. Howard said Ralph has so much luck at the parties. Ralph said he saw Gary leaving the party and Gary had a look on his face like he had to get home. He said Gary told him he had to get in there.
Howard asked Ralph about the girl jerking him off. Ralph said she had her hand down his pants. He said she didn't give him full release there but back at the hotel she did. Howard asked if he went down on her. Ralph asked if he wants every detail. Howard said yes. Ralph said the messed around. He said she was a dirty girl. He said she was Spanish. JD sounded jealous. Howard said Ralph has a thing for Spanish girls. Howard said JD likes them too. JD said they can be wild. Howard asked when he had one. JD said he's watched them a lot. He said they can move.
Howard said it's funny that JD has trouble talking and he has gum in his mouth on top of that. Howard got back into the girlfriend voice and asked if he wanted a Spanish girl instead of her. JD said he's very happy with who she is. He said she moves very well like a Spanish girl.
Howard asked Ralph if he will see this girl again. Ralph said he doesn't even know who she is. He said he's not sure what hotel he even went to. Howard said he's always too baked to know. Ralph said it was very confusing out there. He said it was her hotel room. Ralph said he had to work so he didn't stay too late. Ralph said he had to do a show in the morning. Howard asked if he got her number. Ralph said he told her he'd see her at another party the next night. He said she was hot and fun to hang out with. He said he would have gone to the party if he could have.
Ralph said that JD has never gotten better on the air. He said Gary the Retard was hard to understand in the beginning but he's gotten better. He thought it was funny that JD hasn't.
Howard asked Ralph what he bought out there. Ralph said he got a Better Call Saul bobble head. He said he got a Walter White figure in a hasn't suit. He said he got Walter White in the Heisenberg hat too. He said he got a Jabba the Hutt play set too. He said he's buying figures that are like $200. He said he'll bring one by for Howard to see today.
Howard thanked Ralph and let him go. Howard said they have to pick his outfit for AGT on Tuesday. He said Ralph will be over today to do that. Howard said Ralph will help him get that all together. He said he has new clothes for this season. He said he's like a girl. Howard said he wants to look as good as he can.
Howard said Richard brought back a suitcase full of beer from Comic-Con. Howard said he's such an alcoholic. JD said Richard had to wait an hour for a cab and he was drinking while he waited.
Howard had Ralph back on the phone. Ralph said he saw The Flash out there at Comic-Con and it's really good. Ralph said they screen a lot of shows like that out there. Howard said he really likes The Strain. He said he has seen the first two episodes so far. Robin asked if he's watching Ray Donovan this season. Robin said it's good. Howard said he's not watching yet. He said he hasn't gotten into Fargo yet either. He said he's been busy painting lately. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He thanked JD for the update and played him out with a theme song as they went to break.
Howard said yesterday he and Beth took kittens to people's homes. Howard said they almost ended up with a dog. Howard said this dog is 12 years old and a chocolate lab mix. Howard said he came from a home where he wasn't that taken care of. He said he's a perfect gentleman. He said his name is Sammy. Howard said if you want him you can go to North Shore Animal League. Howard said he's 12 and he needs a home. Howard said they have so many foster kittens in their house that he can't take in a dog. Howard said it's a bit much.
Howard said this guy Stewart Rahr who donated a bit amount of money to the Bianca's Furry Friends thing. He said that he really appreciates that. Robin said that she saw a video of this dog seeing its owner for the first time in a long time and it gets so excited it passes out. Robin said it's wonderful.
Howard said he wanted to mention that Chuck Zito had to go in for prostate surgery because of cancer. Howard had a clip of Chuck talking about that on his radio show. Chuck said he went in for a checkup and they found that his PSA was very high and that meant he had an enlarged prostate. He said he went in for some tests and they went in for a biopsy. Chuck said they did that and found prostate cancer. Chuck said that he was shocked because he doesn't drink, smoke or do any drugs. He said it could have come from stress.
Robin said that's awful. She said that you're going along just fine and then boom. Howard played more audio of Chuck talking about what they could do for him and how they wanted to remove his prostate. Chuck said that he had to think about it for a couple of weeks. He said that he found a doctor to remove the prostate. He said it's been 6 weeks since it was removed. chuck said he was in the hospital for 5 days and he's just starting to feel better. He said he's 100 percent cancer free right now. He said guys should go get checked. Howard said he gets checked. He said he felt bad for Chuck and you can tell he was shook up by it.
Howard said one caller said that the best thing about it is that when you cum nothing comes out. Howard said he's not sure that cheered Chuck up. Howard played the clip of the guy telling Chuck about that. Chuck laughed but he said he's not used to that. Chuck said he did freeze his sperm just in case. He said if he wants a girl to think he came then he'll just squirt a Jergens bottle all over her.
Howard said he's glad Chuck is feeling better. Robin asked about the rumor that he was going out with Pam Anderson. Howard said he thinks that Pam and her man are back together so that must not be true.
Howard took a cal from a guy who asked how long it would take for him to get a theme song. Howard said he thinks they can whip that up pretty quick. The guy was Evan. Howard played some theme songs for some people like Gonzo Shitcock and Richard Christy. Howard said Matt Evans made those and one for Sal too. Howard said everyone has one so why not this caller. Howard said soon everyone who calls in will have one except for Wolfie.
Howard said Gary was telling him about the homeless problem in San Diego. He said that he saw in the paper that there are all of these people walking around in costumes in New York. You think it's like Disneyland there in the city but then you find out that they're just beggars in costumes. Howard said that's the thing now. Howard said they had to arrest a man in a Spider-Man outfit. He said the guy got aggressive with the cop and now they're saying that the cop was too aggressive with the guy. Howard said it's a very sad day. Howard said the cop did beat Spider-Man eventually. Howard said they're cracking down on all of those characters out there now. Robin said there is no regulation of it. She said you can buy an outfit and you're in business. Howard told her not to give Benjy any ideas. He may start doing that.
Howard played a clip of that segment he was talking about. Paul said that he would like to use him in some things but he doesn't want to deal with the hassle. Howard said maybe Hanzi is the next big thing from the show. Howard said he could be a good Curly from the Three Stooges. Howard said he could play a suicidal bomber or something in a movie. Hanzi said he's not going to play that. Howard told him not to be difficult. Hanzi said he'll play anything but a gay dude. He said he doesn't want to do any make out scenes like that. Howard said that's fine.
Robin asked what happened with that guy last week. Hanzi said he's supposed to meet him this week. Hanzi said that their discussion about Israel was all over the news last week. Howard said he knows. He said he didn't want to get into it with him today. Hanzi was still arguing with him about what they're doing over there. Howard was trying to explain to Hanzi why we should be supporting Israel in this fight. Hanzi doesn't agree. Howard didn't let him argue his point much though.
Howard said that there are a lot of wrongs in the world but you have to take a stand once in a while. Hanzi told him to hold on but Howard hung up on him. He played him out with a theme song.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who initiates the sex in his relationship. Howard said Beth does sometimes and cuddles up to him. He said if he wants it then he just says ''I want to fuck.'' He said that he'll get irritable if he doesn't get it. Howard said that she will turn him down once in a while. Howard said it's usually when they're about to go out and he wants to just lift her dress and bang her. He said she'll tell him to wait until later when they get home. The caller asked to play a Tan Mom game but Howard didn't have one to play. He said maybe tomorrow.
Howard took a call from Nicole Bass who said that Ralph had to be lying about getting a hand job in the parking lot earlier. She said he did not get laid. She said there's no way. Howard kept trying to ask Nicole a question but it sounded like she couldn't hear him at all. Howard kept saying hello and she kept talking. Howard asked if she could hear him and she just kept going. Howard asked Robin what's going on. Howard asked if there is something going on. Nicole said she is on a cell phone so she can't hear Howard. She could hear him if she shut up long enough. Nicole said she's so mad at Ralph for lying. Howard said he wasn't lying. He said Ralph said he didn't get laid and it sounds like he got a blow job. Howard asked why he would lie. Nicole said that he has to fit in and say he got it too. Howard said it sounds like she's in love with Ralph. Nicole said she's not.
Howard said Nicole didn't show up for her date. Nicole said that she was told that he could not get out of work on Monday or Tuesday. She said it was 90 degrees on Wednesday and Steve wanted to put them on a carriage ride in central park. She said she didn't want to do that. Gary said he has to defend Steve. He said that the only days they could do it were Monday and Tuesday. He also said that Steve said ''I'll see you tonight'' and she didn't hear that. Nicole said that she was told it was not going to be on Monday or Tuesday and it had to be Wednesday. Gary said Steve wouldn't have done that. He said Steve knew that they were going to be in San Diego. Howard told Nicole to try to make it to the next date. Nicole said Howard knows her and she will be there. She said she has always shown up.
Howard said he's sorry he got started with her. He said this is a nightmare. He told Nicole he'll talk to her another time. Howard said he can't talk to her. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said ''fuck that dude Nicole.'' He said that she still owes him money too. He said he gave her like $100 or 200 and she never paid him back. He said they used to be friendly but fuck her.
Howard asked if he spotted for her. Ralph said he couldn't do that. He said she used to lift a shitload of weight. Howard said who knew Ralph would loan her money. Ralph said that everyone was chipping in and he never got it back. He said he didn't know that it wasn't a loan. He said it was like 20 years ago and it should be worth like 5 grand now. Howard said that's a new battle starting up there. He had no idea that was going on.
Robin started off talking about people who fall asleep with the TV on and how there was a study done about that. Robin had some details about that. Howard said he has to have everything quiet when he's sleeping. He said he can't fall asleep in front of the TV. He said it's so interesting he's not sure how you fall asleep with it on. He said they don't even have music on when they have sex. He said they might have candles lit or a fire going though. Howard said his parents had a candle in their room and he thinks that his mom lit a candle when she was ready for his dad. He said that candle was around a very long time so it may not have been used much.
Gary said he walked in on his parents once and they had a lot of candles going in their room. He said he was in college at the time so it was humiliating. Howard said he does lower the lights. He said he doesn't want Beth to see him. He said he wants to see her though. Howard said they have a lighting director.
Robin read a story about a woman who was charged with having sex in public. She's 69 years old. Robin said she was on probation for driving a golf cart drunk.
Robin read a story about a woman who allegedly plucked and ate a raw bird on a subway car in Montreal. Robin said they have video of the woman doing that on the subway. Robin said that she ate it raw.
Robin read a story about how Malaysian Airlines is going to change their name. Robin said that's what they may do after these two disasters in the past 4 months. Howard suggested they change the name to Lucky Airlines or Super Safe Airline. He said they might as well do that if they're going to change the name.
Robin read a story about a Muslim holiday, Ramadan, that's going on. Robin told Howard about the details of that.
Robin read a story about some celebrities who are trying to start an online high school for girls. Robin read the details of that and told Howard who is involved in that campaign.
Robin read a story about how China is on track to beat the United States as the largest business travel market. Robin read the details of that to Howard and Howard said he's bummed about that.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin launching her own internet channel. Robin said it costs $9.95 a month and it will let subscribers ask her video questions. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a small plane crashing into a beach and killing a man who was walking with his daughter. Howard said that's awful. He said they have to tighten up on these people who don't know how to fly. Robin said the pilot and passenger not being hurt. Robin said the girl is believed to be alive and in critical condition.
Robin read a story about some lightning strikes that killed people in California. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was hit by a car at a Zombie walk in San Diego. Robin said that the family in the car got scared when the zombies started to attack their car and broke a window. They drove off and hit someone in the walk.
Robin read a story about a fireman who tried to stop a guy from shaking down tourists in New York City. Robin said the guy is charged with assault. Robin said that some people love those Times Square characters. Howard said he doesn't. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about all of the places around the world that are having problems. Robin said they've been all over the news programs lately. Robin said that they're saying that Iran is helping Hamas in their battle against Israel. Robin had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about the new members in the baseball hall of fame. Robin told Howard about the guys who were inducted. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about some health care people who went over to Africa and they have contracted the Ebola virus. Robin said a bunch of people have died from it over there.
Robin read a story about a search for the father of a 17 year old kid who was trying to set a world record by flying around the world. Robin said the 17 year old has died and the father's body is missing. Robin said that the body of the 17 year old was found last Tuesday after his plane went down.
Howard said he read that women are waiting in line for 50 Shades of Gray already. He said he feels bad for them. He said there's only one film for them to jerk off to and there are millions for guys to jerk off to. Howard said guys don't need a story like that. Robin said it's a sad statement for these women who are so desperate.
Robin read about how today is world hepatitis day. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how there is a cure for it now.
Robin read about the movie Get On Up which is about to hit theaters. Robin had some audio of one of the actors in the movie talking about what the movie is about.
Robin read about a new show where celebrities go out and do wild stuff with Bear Grylls. Robin had some audio of Zac Efron talking about doing the show. Howard said he doesn't even know who this Bear Grylls guy is. Robin mentioned a show she saw called Naked and Afraid. Howard said he's been watching Naked Dating. He said they date naked and he likes it. Robin said she saw a show called Married at First Sight. Howard said on Naked Dating they had a woman with a huge ass. He said they can show the big ass but nothing else. He said they show the cellulite and all and he's not sure why anyone would want to see that.
Robin read a story about the rest of the band Queen going out on tour. Howard said he loves the guys in the band but going out with Adam Lambert is kind of weird. He said you can't be Queen without Freddie Mercury. He said no offense to the rest of the band though. He said he likes those guys.
Robin said there's a new movie about David Bowie coming out too. Robin said there's also a new Latoya Jackson album coming out. Howard said he hasn't been that excited since the Paris Hilton album came out.
Robin said today is the 100th anniversary of the start of World War 1. Robin had a clip of someone talking about that.
Robin read about how the movie Lucy did at the box office this weekend. Howard said he wants to see that and the Hercules movie. Howard said Gary was talking to Mr. Skin about Scarlett Johansson and she was in a movie where she does full frontal nudity. Howard said the movie didn't do that well. He asked Gary what it's called. Gary said it's called Under the Skin and it's real full frontal for a good amount of time. Howard said Mr. Skin was talking about how much traffic he's had because of that movie. Howard said the movie didn't do well and they've had more people visit MrSkin.com than people actually saw it. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:15am.
Richard said he was the one that no one wanted to shake hands with. He said he had bandages on his hands and they'd get a grossed out look. Jon said Richard had a thing he was doing at the autograph signing. He said that Richard would try to find out who the next person was in line and he had a knack for it so he was ahead of him all the time.
Richard said that Jon signs his name and he also writes ''jump the shark''. Jon said that Richard was signing his ''Beer!'' Sal has 143 and JD was writing ''hi'' on his. Jason wasn't supposed to be part of that autograph thing but he got in on it because people wanted his autograph. Jason said he was signing Sal and Richard's picture and he was just writing ''Comic-Con'' with a bunch of exclamation marks in it. He said Sal told him to knock it off because he was slowing things down.
Gary said that JD was the first person people saw when they got there. He said he thought JD was going to be last but they ran the line the other direction. He said he had to tell JD to just sign his name because people were asking him to write ridiculous things. He said he had to teach JD how to do the signing since he's got so much experience doing it.
Richard said he and Sal have one head shot that's kind of heavy and Sal was so against it. He said Sal was intent on getting a head shot where he's thin and his hair is perfect. Gary said that he and Jon have some and they're so lame they never used them. Gary said there's one where they are folding arms and standing back to back.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seemed like Howard was angry today and they took the brunt of it. He said he was being kind of rude about Deirdre and he's surprised Fred wasn't upset about some of the things he was saying. Gary said he didn't think Howard was angry today. He said he seemed ready to goof on them but he was in a better mood than usual.
Jon said Howard thinks people are crazy wanting to go to Comic-Con but he loves comic books. Jon said that there is a lot of comic book stuff out there. He said there is a lot of TV and movie stuff out there too though. He said that's what gets them attention out there.
Steve Brandano said that the show is right up Howard's alley. He said that's what he would like to see. Jason said there are a lot of things that Howard would like to see out there. Gary said he took someone there who had never been there. He said that he brought him to Artist Alley and that was fascinating to the guy. Gary said there was a lot of cool things going on there.
Richard said that he met a guy at the bar in the airport who works at Lego and he met his boss on a flight to Comic-Con. Richard said he knows Jon watched the Lego movie on his flight and the guy enjoyed hearing that. Jon said he really liked that movie.
Jon said they really enjoyed being out there. He said they have more content coming too. He said that he hopes people enjoy that too.
Jon said Richard had the highlight of highlights out there. He got to play songs with the guys from Metallica. Richard said they did discuss doing something in the future too. Richard said he didn't tell anyone about playing that day because he wasn't sure it was actually going to happen. Jon asked if he was upset that Gary was upset that he wasn't invited. Richard said he felt weird telling people to come watch him drum. Gary said he walked right by it too. He said he could have walked in and watched if he knew. Steve said it ran very late so he's better off not going.
Jason said Kirk Hammett tweeted that he was going to be playing with Richard Christy and Richard still didn't want to tell anyone. Richard said he wants to make sure he doesn't get cut out like could happen in a movie.
Jon said Ralph called in and talked about what happened at the Playboy party out there. Jon asked if they're surprised that Nicole Bass was so skeptical. Gary said he was at that part and it was nothing but 10s there. He said that it was unbelievable. He said that there were a lot of chicks looking for someone famous out there.
Jason said that it was the way the story unfolded. He said he believes Ralph but maybe that's what people were reacting to.
Richard said that it's funny that people are reacting to the story at all. Gary said it's not like Ralph calls there every day about things like that. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Jon said Ralph was talking about how he was friends with Nicole. Gary said he remembers something about it. He said it was a long time ago though. Jason said that you don't give her money and expect to get it back. Gary said it's the same thing with Ralph though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has had a lot of friends go to Comic-Con before. He asked what they think goes on around there with hooking up with girls. Gary said he doesn't think there's a lot of that going on. He said there are a lot of attractive girls there but there are also a lot more guys there than there are girls. Jason said the odds are stacked against you.
Steve said the girls who dress up are also girls who are very nerdy. He said that they're not all Adrianne Curry though. He said they don't drink and you don't see them out at the bar hooking up randomly. He said they're not the type to hook up on the first date.
Jon said that Gary has the ability to go to sleep on the plane and it's uncanny. Jason said it's a super power. He said it's literally a super power. Jon said he's very envious of him. He said Gary is out before they go over the oxygen mask thing. Jason said Gary slept through the takeoff. He said he can't sleep through that.
Jon said that he was sitting next to some guy and he kept looking back at Richard and Sal being in awe of Gary sleeping. Richard said he had his camera ready to go if Gary started drooling.
Richard said that he hates the takeoff and he can't imagine sleeping through it. Gary said he'd rather be asleep if the flight goes down. He said that everyone sleeps on the plane. Jason said there's a lot going on there on the plane.
Gary said he slept on the flight home yesterday too. Jon said he's envious of that. He said he can't sleep on a plane. Jason said he can't either but he took some Advil PM to get some sleep. He said that only lasted about 2 hours and then he woke up because of turbulence. Richard said he can't sleep through turbulence ether. He said he never gets used to flying. He said drinking helps though.
Gary said that they charge you for everything on the flights. He said he was chilly and asked for a blanket. He said they told him they didn't have any. Gary said they didn't have any TV on the flight either. Gary said he took a flight a couple of weeks ago and they had free movies to watch. He said they had nothing on this flight. Gary said it's $7.99 to watch DirecTV.
Jon said he's not for that either but you're spending $5-10 to download movies to your iPad. Gary said there are airlines that don't gouge you. He said JetBlue doesn't do that to you. Gary said that his wife has a friend who booked a flight he thought was the cheapest but he told her that it would end up being the most expensive after they charge you for everything.
Jason said JetBlue is awesome but the airlines have a monopoly on this kind of travel. He said you can't go somewhere like you can on an airplane. Jason said he would fly so much more if it was enjoyable. He said every single step of the way they gouge you. He said the whole flying experience is horrible.
Gary said when he used to fly in the 80s it was great. He said he would fly to L.A. and have any seat he wanted. He said he could walk around the plane and change his seat. Gary said he would go to the back of the plane and he'd lay down and sleep on a row of seats that were empty.
Richard said San Diego airport was great. He said that they had a beer to go thing there. Gary asked how he got beer on the plane. Richard said he checked in a bag that was full of beer. Gary asked if he's afraid his luggage is going to be dripping. Richard said that has happened. Richard said he usually packs his underwear around it. Gary said he's never drinking beer at his house.
Richard said that he got some really rare beer that he can't get in New York. Gary asked when his flight arrived last night. Richard said it was like 11 last night. Gary said he was drinking while he was waiting for his luggage last night at 11. Richard said he was. He said he could either freak out and get upset or he could just open his suitcase and roll with it.
Richard was getting tours of breweries out there in San Diego too. Gary said he has a strict no drinking policy when there's a show the next day. He said he can't imagine drinking at midnight when he has to be to work in 4-5 hours. Richard said he doesn't do that usually. He said this was a special circumstance.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary chooses to go to sleep on a plane or does it just happen. Gary said he doesn't usually fall asleep before takeoff. He said he usually waits to get up in the air. He said he wanted to take a nap in the lounge but he didn't do it.
Gary said he used to get on the plane and take an Ambien. He said he'd eat his food and he'd forget even finishing his meal. Then they'd wake him up as they were landing.
Gary asked Richard if he has ever jerked off on a flight. Richard said both he and Sal did that on a flight once. He said it's natures sleeping pill. Jon asked how they came up with doing that. Richard said he wanted to sleep and that was the best way to do it. Richard said it took him like 5 minutes or so. He said Sal was about the same.
Richard said Sal will take a magazine into the bathroom with him and he will be in there for a long time. He said he'll tell other people he saw someone take a magazine in there and the flight attendant had to get Sal out of there that time.
Gary said that he saw a guy who was in there for a long time and he knew if he went in there it would be bad so he didn't go in. The guys went to break after that.
Jason said he thinks that JD just wanted to be in his hotel room. JD said that there were a lot of people out there. He said it's just crazy there. He said you can barely move around. He said there are people all over and they have to make people stand in a single file and all of that.
Jon asked JD if he was glad he went. JD said he's not sure if he's looking to go again. He said he has seen it and experienced it once. He said that if he has to go again he'll go. He said there's just so much stuff there. He said you don't know where to go either. Jason said this was his fourth time there and it's the first time he felt comfortable there. He said it's a big learning curve. JD said the AVN convention is a lot better. He said there are naked chicks around there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they saw any people they were blown away by. Gary said they all did. JD said he has two. He said one was outside Comic-Con. He said Jaden Smith was there. He said Elisabeth Olsen was on their flight yesterday too. He said she looks amazing.
Richard was going to say something about Jaden Smith but Jason cut him off and said they were asked not to talk about it.
Jason said he got to hang out with Zach Levi out there. He said he has been waiting for that to happen. He said it finally did over the weekend. He said the other person he got to hang out with was Nat Smith who is on Doctor Who.
Jon said that Gary stole his away. He said he wanted to sit on the iron throne and Gary got to do it. He said that Gary sent him a picture of him sitting on it and told him not to get pissed. Gary said it was only for a couple of seconds. Gary said he was going for a serious look in that picture.
Gary said that some people on Instagram just write ''teeth'' and that's it. He said he got to talk to Tony Hale at a party too and he was very cool.
Jon said they're running out of time and he wanted to talk about Joan Rivers. He said that she's on the show a lot and she always kills. Gary said that Jason says she doesn't hold a grudge but she definitely does. Jon said that she's been around for a while and she has a lot of stories. Jon said that she was talking about how she asked Nancy Reagan help get her husband's body out of Pennsylvania. Gary said he would love to know how she got in touch with Nancy that time.
Jon said Shuli was there so he had him do a rundown of the news headlines for today. Shuli did that and then Jon had the guys get in their plugs and ended the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how busy they were going to be today. He said all of the America's Got Talent judges are coming in. He said Maggie Gyllenhaal is coming by today too. Robin asked if she's going to talk about having a famous brother. Howard said he thinks he's been on the show. Robin said if he had she wouldn't be there.
Howard said he was up until 10 last night watching The Bachelorette. He said he didn't want to learn who she picked on some other show. Robin said she didn't stay up. She said she wants to watch the final episode though. Howard said the show was a roller coaster. Howard said they had a show after that where they had a bit of a bombshell dropped. Howard said Booker watches too. He said Booker told him to watch ''After the Bachelorette.'' He said he was up at 2 in the morning to pee and he wanted to watch but he has such a long day today that he couldn't do it. Howard said his adrenaline is still pumping from that show. He said he just loves it.
Howard said the scariest mother fucker is the ex-baseball player. Howard said they don't apparently work. Howard said his job title is ''ex baseball player.'' Howard said he feels like a man's job is to work and build a career. Robin said maybe his job was to be on that show. Howard said that's what he's thinking.
Howard said tonight is America's Got Talent. He said he does this show today and then he has a meeting. He said they do that on most Tuesdays. Howard said he has to go talk to the Executives there at Sirius. He said they want to hear his thoughts on radio. He said then he runs home to take a shower. He said they need him at AGT at like 3 in the afternoon. Howard said he has been going since 4 in the morning and he has to go until 9 at night. Howard said they had to do blocking of the show and a red carpet event. Howard said he doesn't technically have to do it but he will for opening night.
Howard said he wrote the AGT people a letter explaining to them what he has to do. He said they told him he didn't have to show up at 4 and he could show up at 4:15. Howard said they said he could have a break from 6-6:45. He said he doesn't need that break though. He said once he's there he's ready to work.
Howard said he is pumped up for the show. He said they have 12 terrific acts tonight. Robin said she knows they have a lot of talent there this season. Howard said he's nervous about a couple of acts but other than that everyone is strong. Robin said they need to get some of the acts out of there. Howard said they get them all out eventually... except for one.
Howard said Mel, Heidi and Howie will be there later. Howard said he's anxious to say hi. He said he really misses them. Howard said he thinks that Howie, Mel and Heidi are close. He said he's not close. Howard said they really have a friendly relationship.
Howard said he doesn't get into the fun like the other judges do. He said he isn't fun to them. He said that he just sits there. He said they question what's up with him. He said that's who he is. He said he's not a fun guy. Howard said he has told his wife that they'll go out with a couple and that's the last time they do it. Howard said he knows it's because of him and not his wife. Howard said he doesn't think people enjoy him. Robin said she's not sure what he does. Howard said he thought he was fun. Howard said no one who starts work at 5 in the morning is fun. He said he'll blame it on that. It's not his horrible personality.
Howard said he has such a hard time relating to people. He said he thinks that he's met the whole world and he hasn't met anyone terrific.
Howard read some email. He had some about Deirdre Imus and how much people enjoyed his rant against her. Howard said sometimes in the heat of the show you say stuff because you're in the moment. He said he was upset with himself for even acknowledging her existence. Howard said he shouldn't even give her the time of day.
Howard read an email he got from someone in Israel about how they appreciate what he said about them. Howard said that people don't realize what it's like over there. He said he sees more and more celebrities afraid to speak out. He said there are Spanish actors like Javier Bardem who are speaking out against Israel. Howard said Penelope Cruz also denounced Israel. Howard said those two had to open their mouth. Howard said lets see what they do when someone drops a bomb on their heads. Howard said the reason all of this is going on is because of oil. Howard said Iran is financing these lunatics. He said they'll be on our shores soon too. Howard said these people think that anyone who doesn't believe in their god should be wiped out.
Howard said it's all about the oil. He said there are people like Dick Cheney who are making money from those countries who are supporting the terrorist. He said then he's on the news talking about how we have to get rid of the terrorists. Howard said it doesn't make sense.
Howard said these people don't want to live where they live. He said they're stuck. He said they're being used as pawns too. Howard said that thugs are running their government and the people are being treated horribly. Howard said it's a nightmare over there.
Howard said he thinks that Javier Bardem should shut his fucking mouth. He said this is the world we live in though. Robin said there are some people who think if you cater to those people that it will make them happy.
Howard read an email about how some people in Australia shake penises instead of hands so he should be happy he doesn't live there.
Howard read an email about how Jerry Sandusky is in prison and he's a real dick to one of this writer's friends who works there.
Howard read an email about Benjy and how he should be losing weight and forgetting about his girlfriend. Howard said someone wrote that Benjy would be into her more if she had Perez Hilton's face.
Howard read an email about James Brown and who the guy was in a song they played last week. That led to them playing the song again. Howard said he loves that song ''Sex Machine.'' Howard said his song Hot Pants is great too. He said he wrote a song about a fashion item. That's crazy. Howard said he loves music and musicians. Fred played ''Hot Pants'' too. Howard said you can't even understand what he's saying.
Howard said Mick Jagger learned from James Brown how to move on stage. Howard said that's why he's producing a film about James Brown.
Howard said he just got a DVD in the mail and it's a new ZZ Top concert film. He said he can't wait to watch it. He said he loves those guys.
Howard had a clip of Eddie Murphy talking about James Brown in a comedy routine. Howard said he was great on Saturday Night Live as James Brown too. Howard said every time James came to the studio he was great. He said there were times he'd be talking to him for a minute or two and he had no idea what he was saying. He said James had a look of determination on his face though. Howard said you'd just sit there saying ''Yeah, yeah... right.'' Howard said he thinks that wife of his knew what he was saying.
Howard played more of the Eddie Murphy clip where he was talking about James Brown. Howard was cracking up at that. He said that's why Eddie is the best stand up comic that ever lived. He said he's better than Richard Pryor. Robin said no way. She said she thinks Howard is a little off there. Howard said Eddie was the greatest stand up comic to live. He said it was Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and then Richard Pryor. Robin asked where George Carlin is. Howard said he's dead. He said he's up there though. Howard said one of the best ever was Robert Klein. Robin said she was going to ask where he was. Howard said the greatest ever is Eddie Murphy. Robin said she'll say the greatest living is Eddie. Howard said Chris Rock is up there though.
Howard said that Richard Pryor was boring. Robin said it was just boring to Howard. Robin said he was electric and on fire. Howard said he can't argue this all day because people will get bored. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's some music. He said he wants to listen to that and get on the party yacht with Mel B. Robin asked where that yacht is at. Howard said he's not sure. Mel was in and said that it was Heidi who was on the boat.
Howard said the America's Got Talent judges are there extra early tody. Howard said he really loves that they're up early today. He said that at 11 tonight they'll know how he feels.
Mel B said that Howie has some serious nippleage going on today. Howie asked if she was serious. Howard said you can see his nips. Mel said it's rude and inappropriate. Howard said nipples on men is the new thing.
Howard said he wants to say hello to them in a formal way. Howard asked Howie how long he's been on AGT. Howie said it's 5 years now. Howard said this year is the hardest yet. Howie agreed. He said that it was the hardest judgment week they've had.
Howard said he does homework on the acts and Mel said she does too. Howie said he doesn't do that. Heidi didn't either. Howard said they owe it to the acts to do that. Howie and Heidi don't believe in doing that.
Howard said he thinks that the show is going to be very exciting tonight. Howie agreed and said just look at how excited he is. Howard said he can tell through his shirt.
Mel said that they've been editing the show very well and they show how much fun they have. She said it's a fun, family show. Howard asked if they all watch the show. Howie said he does. Heidi doesn't. Heidi said she doesn't watch because she goes to sleep when her kids go to sleep. Howard said she's lying. Howard said she has that young boyfriend. Heidi said she does watch sometimes but not all the time.
Howard said he's curious to see what they do with the show. Howard said that there are some very interesting things. He said Mel B is on The Voice in Sydney and X-Factor too. Howard said that this is a full time thing for her. Robin asked what the first show was. Mel said she can't remember.
Howard said he feels that Mel is coming off very well on AGT. He said she shows a lot of cleavage. Mel said she feels she covers up a lot. Howard said he thinks it helps the ratings. Mel said it's about creating the style and being in the moment. She said she doesn't want to show boobs every week. She said that's boring. Howard said he thinks that Heidi dresses like a School Marm. Mel said Howard helped her the first season picking her outfits. Howard said she is a fashion icon and she has a beautiful body. Howard said he thinks Mel puts the glam on and Heidi covers her body up. Howard said she knows this. Howard said that she could dress classy and sexy. He said she doesn't have to dress like a hooker. Howard said she could show her arms and chest and let her hair down. Howard said he likes a nice, sexy top too. Howard asked if Mel agrees. Mel said that women have their own style. Howard said she has great style everywhere but America's Got Talent.
Heidi said the show is a family show. Howard said dads are watching though. Howie said there are young children still nursing. Howard said that she should wear something more sexy. Heidi said she's wearing something tonight that won't turn Howard on. She said it's a Versache that goes to the knee and it doesn't show anything. Howie said they can wet her down then. Heidi said she will wear something different tomorrow. Howard said he loves the top she's wearing today.
Howard asked Mel B about what a Playboy playmate was saying about her going into a bathroom with her. Mel said she has been adventurous in the past and she's never said what she did or didn't do. Howard said she has to address this. Howard asked if it happened or not. Mel said when you're in the public eye people will come out and say whatever they want just for a story. Mel said look at that woman's age and that's not her style or type. Howard said she didn't go at it with this girl in a bathroom then. Mel said she thinks she did. Howard asked Howie if he believes what she's saying. Howie said based on her answer she did it. Howie said her 15 year old daughter is there so she might be holding back because of that. Mel said that's not going to sway her either way.
Howard asked Mel if she likes girls. Mel said that she wants to move on to something else. Howard told Gary to walk Mel's daughter around the block so they can talk. Heidi said she really doesn't care about this. Howard asked if she has come on to her. Heidi said she hasn't and Howard should leave it alone. Howard said he wanted a denial or confirmation. Mel said she's denying it. Howard asked if she'll take Heidi into the bathroom and demonstrate what happened. Mel said it didn't happen.
Howard said at 19 Heidi Klum entered a contest to be a model. Howard said tat's a little late to get into it. Heidi said it was a TV show where she won $300,000. She said she bought an apartment and that was so cool. Howard asked who suggested it to her. Heidi said a friend did. Heidi said that it was a show that was on every night and it was on for 6 months. She said the audience votes for you. Howard said she knows what it's like to be on a show like AGT. She said she really didn't have to do anything though. She said they did runway walking and things like that.
Howard asked how she became a super model. Heidi said it took a while. She said she went all over the world and eventually came to New York. Howard said he has their net worth there. Howard said he didn't know Mel B was worth this much. Howard said she has big money. Howard said he read $50 million. Mel said she doesn't even know. Howard said he read that Heidi is $16 million. Robin said that sounds low. Howard said that she has Project Runway and she owns that. Heidi said she has a part of it. Howard said she has a deal with New Balance and other things. Howard said she's making a lot of money. Heidi said she's happy with what she's doing. Howard jokingly said Howie is worth $300,000. Mel said he's been with his wife forever too. Howard said that means no alimony. Howard got a note saying Heidi is actually worth $70 million.
Howard said that Heidi is done with Seal. Howard said he spoke to him on the phone. Howard said she must have signed a pre-nuptial agreement. Howard said Seal isn't worth what she's worth. Howard said she must have signed something. Mel asked if Howard signed something with his lady. Howard said he did. Howard asked if Mel signed with her man. Mel said she can't even remember if she did.
Heidi said you have to be smart about what you do. Howard said Seal is over now and she has a new man. Heidi said she met him the night of Howard's birthday party. Howard said that he didn't go to that after party. Howie said he met him at Heidi's house. Howard said he forgot that they all get together. Mel said she wasn't invited. She hasn't met this guy Schnable yet. Heidi said she invited them all. Mel said she did not.
Howard asked Howie about Heidi's boyfriend and if it's a good idea to date someone so young. He's only 27. Howie said that's younger than his kids. Howard said his too. Heidi said she's in love. Howard asked if she thinks it will last. Heidi said you never know what it's going to be. Howard said a 27 year old isn't going to take care of 4 kids. Howard said he's worried. Howard asked Howie if a 27 year old is going to hook up and marry a woman with 4 kids. Heidi said she doesn't want to get married.
Howard said Heidi talked about how she's into kinky sex in an article. Heidi kept saying they should move on to Howie. Heidi said she's not going to go there with Howard. Howard said he's moving on to Howie then.
Howie asked Heidi the questions that Howard was asking. Heidi said she tells Howie stories all the time but not on the air. She said she'll do it off the air. Howie said she has a fantasy and she should talk about that. Howie said 5 hours goes real fast talking to Heidi. He said she has a lot of fantasies. Heidi said she has a fear of flying. She said she's trying to change the subject.
Howard said Heidi put her house on the market and she was asking $25 million. Howard asked if she got that. She said she did. She sold it in 4 days. Howie said she bought it cheap. Heidi said she got it in Foreclosure for about 15 million. Howard said she made $10 million. She said she had a lot of work done on it too.
Howard asked if she's staying in Los Angeles. She said she is. Howard said he thought he read that she's moving to New York. She said he reads too much.
Howard asked Heidi about the fantasy thing again but she wasn't talking. Howard moved on to Howie and asked him what's going on with him. He said he knows he's working on a new show. Howard said he renewed his other show and he has a new one. Howie said he likes working. He said he's going to be at the Borgata while they're playing. He said he will be doing some other dates in the area too. Howard asked what his sexual fantasy is since they can't get Heidi's. Howie said that he likes to have a woman hermetically sealed and unwrap her.
Mel said her husband still looks at her like he has passion for her. She asked Howie if he has that with his wife. Howard said he has been married for 35 years and he has a germ phobia. Howie said he knows where she's been so he's fine with her. He said his OCD doesn't make sense. He said he has no problem with any other part than the hands. He said he has no problem with the vagina. He said he can touch that. Howard said he agrees with Howie about the fist bumping thing. He said that they had a study that came out yesterday about fist bumping. Howie said he read that too. He said he was wondering what kind of study that is though. He said it's kind of strange.
Mel said it would be funny if you were one of those germ phobes but you like people shitting on you. Howie said that maybe you could lay under a glass table and have the person sit on that. Howard said that's called a Pittsburgh Platter. Howard said he knew a guy who was into that. He said he was a famous guy. Howard didn't say who that was. Howie said he knew a guy like that too. He said he was a famous older person.
Howard said Howie is saying that the passion is still there for him in his 35 year marriage. Howie asked how that can wear out. He said there are guys who will go to a glory hole. Howard said women can burn out on a guy. Howard said they can get bored. Howie said he spends a lot of time on the road so he's always happy to go home.
Howard asked Mel if the Spice Girls are going to get back together. Mel said they're not planning anything but she's going to see them this weekend in London. Howard asked what the hang up is. Mel said they all have lives with kids and careers. Howie asked if Posh is holding things up. Mel asked why he's being such a bitch today. Howie said he's not being a bitch. Howie said that he thought Posh said she wasn't going to get back into it. Howie was upset that she was calling him a bitch. He said he's going to call her something that she won't like. Howie said that Mel B is a cunt. He said he says that with peace and love. Howie said he just remembered that her daughter is in the other room. He said she really is a cunt. Mel and Howie went back and forth calling each other bitch and cunt.
Howard said they taped this whole thing for AGT and they will use this for the show tonight. Gary said Jason from AGT just came in and said he only has about 11 seconds of this that he can use.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he can tell him what he wants what he really, really wants. He asked if Mel's boobs are real or not. Mel said that's for her to know. She said that she has what she has and she loves them. Howie said he thinks she has real breasts but a fake vagina.
Howard asked Mel why she's not open about that. Mel said sometimes you don't want to be that honest. She said whatever a person wants to do with their body they should do it. Mel said if you look at her at the age of 18 you can figure it out. She said they're not that big. Howie said he's right there and they are that big.
Howard said Heidi hasn't had any work done. Heidi said her nose hasn't even been done. She said that she may do Botox one day but she hasn't yet. She showed that she can move her forehead. She said she lost her boobs from breast feeding. Heidi said she has seen them and they're great. Heidi said her doctor told her he'd give her an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. She said that was kind of weird. Heidi said it was the doctor who does the mammogram test. She said it was kind of creepy. She hasn't been back to the guy since then.
Howard asked if she goes to a male or female gynecologist. Heidi said she goes to a woman. Mel said her's is a male. Howard asked if his fingers ever dwell in there too long. Mel said he'd delivered 2 of her kids so she doesn't think so.
Howie said he went to the gynecologist with his wife once. He said that he was told he could go into room 3 and he went in. He said it turned out it wasn't his wife. He said this woman must have been 80-some years old. He said she had her legs up and she had a blue paper covering her lap. Howie said her head came above the cavern and she looked at him and he didn't know what to do. He said he looked at it and then at her and gave her the thumbs up. He said he saw what happens down there with age. He said it is not wonderful. He said it's not like wine. It does not get better with age.
Howard asked Heidi and Mel if they have ever had doctors come on to them. They both said no. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Heidi does anal. Heidi said she's not going to tell him and she's not going to talk about it. Howard said he wants to know what she likes to do that's ''out of the norm''. Heidi said she'll tell him off the air later. Howard said he wants to know what that means. Howard said that she said it in an interview.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she thinks Heidi is into animals because she kissed that pig. She said that the fans step it up for Howard. She started to sing and Howard had to hang up. Heidi said Mariann really does love Howard. Howard said he sees fans for everyone there. He said he was shocked. He said he figured it would be dead silent for the rest of them. Howie said they are in New York so of course that's where his fans are.
Howard said that they're going to be on TV live at 9. Howie said they're going on the Toady show to talk about the one remaining live slot for the live shows. Howie said he's going to go run in the park later. Howard asked if he will nap today. Howie said he will try but he's not sure if he will. He said it's hard to sleep and then get up. He said he went to bed around midnight and got up at 5 this morning. Howard asked how he's not having a breakdown. Howard said he was up until 10 last night watching The Bachelorette. He said he's been up all night.
Howard asked Heidi what she's going to do. She said she's going to go to Radio City and watch clips of the acts to study.
Howard asked Mel what she's doing. Mel said she's going to work out with her daughter and then have some lunch and catch up on some work. Then she'll get ready.
Howard said he has a tortured day. Howard said he gets off the air and then has a staff meeting. Howard said then he has to drive down and give an address about what he thinks the future of radio is. Howard said he sees it but he's wondering if anyone else does. Howard said he has something else to do and then he will eat and go to work at AGT. Howard said he looks terrible this season. Robin said she thinks that he looks great. Howie said he's fishing. Howard said he thinks he hit the wall and he just doesn't look good. Howard said Howie took off his shirt and he looked good. Howard said he knows the girls loved it.
Howard said he feels like blurting something out when they do the live shows. He said he's not sure what but he'd like to blurt something out.
Howard said he got upset with Howie the first season when he went over time when he was supposed to take just 30 seconds to wrap up. Howard said he only had 15 seconds himself. Howard said he was so pissed about that. Howie said he didn't see the light that night. He said it's kind of low on the stage and he didn't see it when he should have.
Howard said JD loves Mel B. Howard asked if he wanted to come in and meet her. JD came in and said that Mel is hot and she has curves in all the right places. He said she's the hottest spice girl. JD has a cold so he didn't want to hug her. Howie didn't seem to like hearing that he was sick.
Howard asked Mel who the best judge is on AGT. Mel said they're all really good. Howard asked Howie who he thinks is the best. Howie said he thinks he has the widest range of what he will accept. Mel made some comment about him so Howie asked if they can hear the cunt. Mel called him a bitch again.
Howie said he thinks he's more accepting of the acts. Heidi said he doesn't like the dance groups. Howie said that's not true. Howie said a lot of people are talking about what he has said about the bands that perform original songs. Howie said that he worries about that kind of thing.
Howard asked Heidi who she thinks is the best judge. Heidi said that she thinks Howie is the funniest. Mel said that she told her that she thinks Howie is unfunny and annoying. Heidi was silent for a few seconds. Mel said she's just shit stirring. She said that she liked the uncomfortable silence. Howard asked Heidi about Howie's judging. Howie said he has to agree with Heidi.
Howard said the answer is that he's the best judge. Mel said of course he's going to say that. Howard asked Heidi to rank her last 3 lovers on a scale of 10. Heidi said she's not going to do that.
Howard asked Mel B if she has been divorced. She said she has. Howard asked how long they should wait to fuck another guy. Mel said you have to think about that if you have kids. She said that everyone is different. Howard asked how long she waited. Mel said she waited a long time. Howie said it was hours. She told both of them to shut the fuck up, they're rude. Howie pointed out that she just said ''shut the fuck up'' and called them rude.
Howard said that Heidi made it to the birthday bash. He said Mel and Howie didn't make it. Howie said he'd watched it a few times online.
Howard said they have a show to do tonight. Howard said he'll see them later. Robin asked if they have favorites. Mel said of course they do. She said it's overwhelming what's going on though.
Howie said he has Heidi's fantasy. He said some guy is doing Heidi and just before he cums he goes to a table and plays Monopoly. Fred played a Ronnie clip and Mel wondered where that came from.
Howard said he thinks that Heidi has the hots for him. He said he can't give it to her because he's in love with his wife. Heidi said that she thinks both Howard and Howie are hot. Howard said Mel told him that she'd marry him if she was single. Mel said if you're into that look then yeah. Howard said she did say that she would marry him. Mel said she would if they were in a different life.
Heidi and Howie were talking while Howard was trying to talk to Mel. They were all talking over one another. Howard said they're all so annoying.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked Mel if Eddie Murphy had sex with her feet. Mel said he liked her feet but didn't have sex. King said he would love her to tweet a picture of her feet. He said he would sneak up on them and come up from the bottom. He said they'd rub on his chest and then get to his dick.
Heidi asked to see Mel's feet. Howard said she has nice feet. Howard asked if he should tweet out a picture. Jason came in to take a picture. King said they're clean now but around 7 tonight they'll be just right. Mel said she feels like her feet were just raped. Howard said they did take a picture of them in high heels. Howard said she has black nail polish on. King sounded very excited over that.
Howard said King wants her feet to stink. King said he likes them musty. He said he would like to smell them. Mel sounded like she was about to throw up. He said he would paint them pearl white. Howard said he's had enough of that. He hung up on King.
Howard said he knows Heidi is afraid of this show. She said she's really not. She said that she just knows she's a boring guest because she won't answer his questions. Howard said he would like to see more skin on Heidi on AGT. Howard wondered what they were going to air tonight on AGT from this interview. Howie said they have to air the cunt bit. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. As they went to break Fred played an Evil Dave recording session outtake clip and a prank call Benjy made to someone where he talked about how he ate his brother.
Howard said he has a couple of songs there. Howard said he has a song about Robin called ''Fuck Me Robin.'' That was made up of a bunch of show audio clips. Howard said that was Joe Vermont or Joe from Vermont.
Howard said he has so many things to play. He said he has a Baba Booey at a Tony Stewart NASCAR press conference. Howard played that one and a guy said he had a Howard Stern question and then said Baba Booey. Robin said she couldn't tell what was going on there. Howard said he couldn't either. Howard later heard it was Tony Stewart who said ''Baba Booey'' in that clip.
Howard said Sarah Palin has a web site where she charges people $100 a year to watch her. Howard said they were saying it's the same stuff she says on TV for free so there's nothing new there. Howard said he's not sure what the game plan is there. He said if she wanted to affect change then she should have stayed governor. Howard said she's not saying anything that people are going to spend money for.
Howard played a commercial for her new web site. She was asking people if they were tired of the media filters out there. Howard said she's going to put as much effort into that as she did to the job of Governor of Alaska. Howard said she could have had a lot of change but she just resigned. Howard said now she's going to charge you to watch her and thinks she's going to affect change. Howard asked why she has to charge for that. Howard said she could have done all of this when she was governor.
Howard said her web site costs more than Netflix. Howard said he can watch in bulk on Netflix. Howard said he's not sure what he'd get from her web site.
Howard said he's going to take a break and then get Maggie Gyllenhaal in there. Howard said she has a new TV show coming out. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Maggie Gyllenhaal is there. He said she is in the show ''The Honourable Woman''.
Howard asked Maggie about living in Brooklyn and if she likes it there. She said she does. Howard asked if people leave her alone there. Maggie said that Howard is such a cultural icon and she's trying to catch her breath talking to him. Howard said he doesn't think of himself like that.
Maggie said that there are areas in the city where she knows she can't go. She said that in Brooklyn she's fine. Howard said there are ways of living in private. Maggie said sometimes people will follow them to school and take pictures and she never sees them. She said she's not sure what they're doing with them. Howard asked if she gets annoyed. Maggie said she loses her mind when they're with her kids. She said her daughter is going into third grade and she gets embarrassed when she loses it. Howard said they should be respectful around her kids. Maggie said she's fine with it today when she's out going around doing promotion. She said she doesn't like it when she's pregnant and fat.
Howard said he read somewhere years ago about how her brother Jake was a big star and it was hard for her. Howard said she's 3 years older than him and she wants her own thing. Howard said he loves that his sister could care less about show business. Howard said his sister doesn't care about having the spotlight on her. Howard asked what it was like for Maggie when her brother announced he was going to be an actor. Maggie said he was known before she ever was. She said she wanted to be an actress and she's not sure where that came from. She said she grew up around acting though. She said her mom wrote ''Running on Empty'' and her dad directed it. She said that she would visit the set and she felt something amazing was happening. Howard said maybe she wanted to get her parent's attention by doing it herself. Maggie said maybe that's what it was.
Howard said his dad was in radio and he treated the guys with such reverence that he figured he had to do that to get the same thing from his dad.
Howard asked Maggie if she suffers from OCD or anything. She said she doesn't. Howard said he had it bad and it was such a pressure to do things. Maggie said it seems like it's so random what people respond to and don't respond to.
Howard asked if she's good at auditioning. She said she hates doing that but she doesn't do it so much now. She said when she's actually doing it she gets a little high after.
Hard asked what Maggie has done that she thinks is a mistake. Maggie said she shouldn't say. Howard said she has to have something where she cringes. Maggie said she watches some of her stuff and thinks that was just a mistake. She said that it's like watching tennis and they make a mistake. Howard asked if she thinks she played it the wrong way or something. Maggie said she'll try to explain it. She said in World Trade Center she made a mistake. She said she loved the movie. She said that her character has to believe that her husband is coming home and she has to be hopeful. Maggie said she leaves her house and goes to the drug store to get something. She said what she should have done was believe that he's going to be okay. She said instead she played the scene like there was bad news. She said she just missed it.
Howard said that haunts her. Maggie said it would have really made it if she did it the way she wanted to. She said that Oliver Stone would have asked her to play it differently if he wasn't happy. She said that she loved Oliver Stone because he's all over the place and out of his mind. Howard asked what that means. Maggie said Oliver used to say things to her about how she was really good in the morning and then she's awful. She said he knew he liked her and they liked each other. She said she was able to ask him to help her. She said asking for help is very vulnerable. Maggie said he grabbed both of her hands and said ''I give you the power of Zeus!'' so she just took it.
Howard said if a guy walks up to you and says you're shitty today that's debilitating. He said an actor is very vulnerable to that. Maggie said usually if someone said that to her she'd be upset. She said one day on Crazy Heart the director came up to her and said ''I love you'' and it was really helpful. She said it made her feel seen. Maggie said that she's working on The Honourable Woman now and that was the best environment. She said there are no mistakes there.
Howard asked if you almost have to grow up in a family like her's to act organically. Howard said she must be less intimidated by it. Maggie said that maybe it seemed more important to her than it actually was.
Howard asked what happened when her brother got into acting. Maggie said that he became a hit almost right away. She said she was in college at the time. She said she wanted to go to college. She wanted to go to Yale and she was put on their wait list. She said she ended up going to Columbia instead. Howard asked if she was into drugs or anything. Maggie said that she was pretty bad when it came to boys but she wasn't into drugs. She said she may still be into the bad boy thing.
Howard asked about when her parents broke up. Maggie said she was in her 30s. She said she's in therapy and she's learning more about relationships.
Howard said Maggie and Jake were in Donnie Darko together. Howard asked if he was better known at the time. Maggie said he got her that job. Howard said that's the sucky part. Howard said her younger brother got her a job. Howard said she must have hated him for that. Maggie said she just disassociated herself from it all back then.
Howard said he knows people who have siblings in acting and they hate it. Howard said he's really glad his own sister isn't into it. Howard said now it's cool because Maggie has done well. Howard said a lot of actors won't marry other actors. Howard said he thinks it's because one may do better than the other and it can get kind of awkward.
Maggie said that she and her husband are actors. She said that she can share that with him so it's something they have in common. She said their acting styles are different though.
Howard asked Maggie about keeping in shape and if she pays a lot of attention to that. Maggie said that she doesn't think that most directors want a perfect looking person. She said it's the press that wants that. She said she wishes she could say she doesn't care but she does. She said it hurts. She said that she'll be on a diet and she can't think straight because she isn't eating anything. She said she has to eat to come in and do this show or act.
Howard asked Maggie if she gets upset when they compare her to other actresses. She said she doesn't look in magazines but she will look on the internet sometimes. Howard said he does care at the end of the day. Maggie said she tries not to. Howard asked if she's starving herself. Maggie said she's not. She said she tries to exercise. Howard asked if she's running. She said she's doing aerobics. She said she was into Yoga for a while too. She said she read this awesome book where they said that you get less judgmental as you get older because you've done so many things that you said you'd never do.
Howard asked if Maggie would ever get plastic surgery. She said she can't imagine ever doing that. She said she's had medical surgery and not cosmetic and she can't imagine choosing to have surgery done. She said that she's 36 now and she might be better off not saying that she will never do it. She said at the moment it seems like she won't. Maggie said that she barely shaves her legs.
Robin asked if she looks up to anyone in particular. Maggie said she does like Emma Thompson and she looks up to her.
Howard asked if she thinks that her career took off when she did the movie ''Secretary'' with James Spader. She said it did. Howard said that it was a very strange movie. He said he wasn't sure what was going on there and he had never seen Maggie before. Howard said he wondered what the hell was going on. Howard asked if that was the hardest thing she ever did. Maggie said there have been a couple of projects that were her learning something and shifting in some way. Howard said there was nudity in that movie and he knows the guy who runs MrSkin.com and that is one of the top 5 masturbation scenes of all time. Howard said that's not what her desire was but it's one of the most sensual movies ever. Maggie said that it was a very awakening movie for her. Maggie explained the character and how that whole thing woke her up. Howard said it was like she was dead inside and she needed something to wake her up. She got into this weird sex thing and she became an empowered woman from it.
Howard asked about doing scenes like that and how you get over the awkwardness. Howard asked if they were lovers in real life. Maggie said they weren't. She said she didn't even have his phone number.
Maggie said that she had some kind of connection with him but there was a time when she didn't have that connection. Howard said he thinks it was Christian Bale. She said she's not going to say.
Maggie said that when she did Crazy Heart Jeff Bridges just came right up to her and gave her his heart. She said she turned around and did the same thing with him. Howard said he thinks he's an underrated actor. Maggie said he's not anymore.
Howard said when she's doing sex scenes with James Spader there must be some mechanism that turns on. Maggie said James taught her something about that. She said he called her into his trailer early on. She said they were sharing a trailer that was split with a thin wall. She said that James had her come to his side of the trailer. Howard said that role was pretty risky. She said it was but she got it from the start. Howard said she seems to be okay with sex scenes. She said that he should see The Honourable Woman. She said that's pretty racy too. Howard asked if she would take that role today. She said she thinks she might.
Howard asked Maggie about the audition for the movie Secretary and if Spader came in and auditioned with her. She said they hired her before they had him.
Howard asked what Spader said to her in the trailer. She said that Spader asked who he has to get to get him some chocolates in his trailer. She said the next day he invited her in and he offered her this chocolate. She said it was like a total game. She said that she also remembers wearing knee socks and a skirt and she remembers him reaching over and touching the skin behind her knee which made her hot for him. Howard asked if that's inappropriate. She said it wasn't for her.
Howard asked if she ever had anyone get inappropriate with her. She said that she has had people not lie the way she looks and asking her to ''sex it up'' a bit for the audition. She said she didn't get the job even after she did try to sex it up.
Howard asked Maggie about actors saying they don't get aroused in a scene but there must be guys who do. Maggie said she's never had that happen. She said if you make the boundaries clear and then be free inside those limits it's fine. She said that a sex scene is a way to communicate something so they have to have that freedom.
Howard asked Maggie about almost turning down the Batman movie. Maggie said she didn't know if she could manage having a tiny baby and doing that too. She said it turned out to be a great thing. Maggie said that Chris Nolan was very serious about the whole thing the whole way through. She said she did have a split focus at the time though. He said she had the baby and the movie going. Howard said that can be tough when her husband has work too. Maggie said she would be on set for White House Down and they would let her go feed her baby no problem. She said that there are smaller films where they can't let you do that.
Howard said he read that Katie Holmes turned down her role in the second Batman because Tom Cruise forbade her from doing it. Maggie said he has no idea.
Robin asked Maggie how she gets jobs. She said that she wonders how she makes those choices. Maggie said every few years a part comes up that expresses who you've become. She said The Honourable Woman is that role. Howard said the show is on The Sundance Channel and it starts airing this Thursday. Howard said they're doing a lot of these mini-series and they have been working out well for a lot of people. Maggie said she read the script and she liked that it was 8 episodes. She said that most of the shitty stuff her managers and agents read for her. She said the writing was so incredible. She said she had to do it.
Howard asked if she gets paranoid thinking that her managers are going to miss something great. Maggie said she trusts them now.
Howard said on Batman Heath Ledger was in it. Howard asked if she got to know him at all. She said she knew him from working with her brother on Brokeback Mountain. She said that she and her brother went to the Venice Film Festival together. She said that they had a great time doing that together. She said she did know Heath pretty well but she didn't see him much on the Batman set. She said that it's hard to be that free and really express something in a movie that big.
Howard asked if she was shocked her brother took that role in Brokeback Mountain. She said that it was a brave choice but she wasn't surprised.
Howard asked Maggie about being nominated for an Oscar and if her price goes up after that. Maggie said that didn't have a massive impact. She said it was around the time that everyone was worried about money and independent film making kind of fell apart. She said that seems to be around the time these TV mini series things started taking off.
Howard asked Maggie if there's anyone she's jealous of. She said she is kind of that way with Amy Adams because she gets a lot of roles she'd like to play. Howard said he can see her in that role in American Hustle.
Howard asked Maggie if it's impossible to have real friends. Maggie said no. She said she thinks that she's shy anyway and she has her friends who are her real friends. Howard asked who they are though. Howard said when the kids go to school she has to deal with other people. Maggie said she does deal with it but it's hard for her either way. She said she's shy. Howard said she must be the talk of the school. Maggie said there are a lot of actresses who have kids at the school. She said it's not just her.
Howard asked if she's still smoking cigarettes. Maggie said she isn't now. Howard said she's part of a natural foods co-op. He said why do that and then put smoke in your lungs. Howard asked when she started smoking. Maggie said she isn't smoking at all right now. Maggie said she has gone years without smoking at all. She said she has a drag here and there. Maggie said maybe 10 days later she'll buy a pack. She said she's not smoking now but maybe she'd have 2 a day at the most. Howard said that can lead to more though. Maggie said she might get to 5 a day and then just stop. Maggie said her husband likes that she's a little bad. She said he's so bad that he likes that.
Howard asked if she gets upset when her husband goes away. She said that he was away for a month not too long ago and that was tough. She said that she doesn't worry too much about him going off with some other woman.
Howard asked Maggie about the play she's going to be doing. Maggie said it's called ''The Real Thing'' and it's on Broadway.
Howard said she's also in The Honourable Woman. Howard asked if she owns a piece of that. She said she just acts in that. Maggie said she has some projects she's developing that she will be producing and acting in.
Howard asked if she is naked in this Honourable Woman thing. She said she is somewhat. Howard asked if she has a closed set when she does that. Maggie said they do that for her. She said they ask people who don't need to be in there to get out. She told Howard that it's complicated nudity but that's all she's going to say about it. She said that he has to watch to see what she's talking about.
Howard asked Maggie about The Honourable woman and what that's about. She told Howard some of the background of the story. Howard asked if she has thought about this conflict with Israel. Maggie said she's trying to keep her politics out of it. She said that the whole point of this piece is to open people's hearts slightly. Howard said that he doesn't think there will ever be peace over there. He said it sickens him what goes on over there. He said he thinks that the powers that be are using people as pawns and it's just not good. Howard said it's a good story for a mini series. Howard said that's a tricky road to speak out about it though.
Howard said he's heard that this new show is very good. Maggie said she'd like to know what he thins about it. Howard said he will have to check it out. He said it's great to have her there. Maggie said it's been a pleasure. She said she was very nervous at first. Howard said it was a lot of fun.
Howard asked who her famous friends are. Maggie said her friends aren't famous at all. Robin said her brother is famous. Howard said he'll have to hang out with her and her brother then. Howard spent a little more time talking to her and then wrapped up and went to break.
After that commercial read Howard took a call from a guy who said Maggie has one of the sexiest voices in Hollywood. Howard said she does. Howard had another caller who said the same thing. He said that he would like to see her bag some cucumbers at the co-op.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he can't wait for tonight's AGT. Howard asked if he'll be there. Bobo said he will be. Fred played Bobo's theme song while he was on.
Bobo said Radio City is nice and cool at first but then they pack in all of those people and it gets hot. He wondered if Howard is going to have a fan there to cool off. Howard said he really doesn't care about that. Howard let Bobo go and said it's time for news.
Fred played Robin in with a theme song. Robin started her news with a story about things being stuck in vaginas. Robin said surgeons found a 10 year old sex toy inside a woman. Howard said she had to be a large woman. Robin said she was a Scottish woman. Howard asked if she had sex in that time. Robin said this thing was lodged in there and no one discovered it. Robin said this woman had sepsis and the toy was migrating to her bladder. Howard said that's something. Robin said the woman was under the influence of alcohol at the time she had the toy in there. Robin said the longest known retention for an object like that was 35 years.
Howard tried to take a call from Mark in Boston but he wasn't there. Howard read his question which was is there anything that bothers him about Beth. Howard said no. Howard said Beth is bothered by some things he does. Howard said they have to rack their brains when they have a party. Howard said he keeps a list to come up with names. He said Beth hates the list. Howard said he's had it for like 6 months. Howard said it's a great list. He said he wants to get the list and Beth tells him no. Howard said it would solve their problem if she would just let him use it. Howard said the list comes out and then he finds a name and it's a good pick. Howard said she says she hates the list but it has helped them so many times. Howard said it just irritates her. Howard had Robin pretend to be Beth and ask him to have people for dinner. Robin said maybe Beth is trying to have a discussion with him and he just goes to a list. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Robin read a story about Aretha Franklin going to a Johnny Rockets restaurant and when she sat down with a to-go meal one of the employees told her that she can't sit there. Robin said the it was actually a manager who told her she couldn't stay there. Howard said this is a no win situation. Howard said the employee is taking their job seriously. Howard said the poor guy who owns the place must be freaking out. Robin said Aretha left the restaurant. Robin said the owner of the restaurant has re-defined the policy there.
Robin read about Jay Z and Beyonce and what's going on with them. Robin said they say that Beyonce is looking at apartments. Robin said their relationship might be on the rocks.
Robin read a story about Jon Bon Jovi and that led to Howard saying they've known Jon for a really long time. He had to do his long math and try to figure out exactly how long it was. Howard said it's like 29 years. Howard said that he and Jon figured it out one day. Howard said he thinks that's pretty close.
Robin read a story about euthanasia and some legislation that could make it legal. Howard said they have to make it legal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to work next to Beyonce's OB/GYN. He said that she's a great tipper around Christmas but her place was atrocious. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. The guy said it was the GYN's office. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about brown fat and white fat and what that can do for people's bodies. Robin said you want more brown fat than white. Howard said he's guessing most of the staff there have too much white fat.
Robin read a story about people's sodium intake and how most of it is from processed foods.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about the big comeback of pubic hair. Howard said he hopes it doesn't make a comeback. Howard said he's not a fan. Howard said when a woman is shaved it's fabulous. the caller said that it's borderline pedophelia. Howard told him to tell his woman to grow her bush and stop asking him.
Robin read a story about cell phone battery life and how researchers have found a way to store more energy on a single charge. Robin said that the battery could last for years or electric cars could go further on a single charge. Howard said that seems like something that could be invented.
Robin read a story about a woman who saved a child's life on an airplane. Robin said the boy had a chicken nugget stuck in his throat and the guy was able to get the nugget out. Robin said the boy spit out the nugget and also threw up. Robin said the boy is okay now.
Robin said she got in the elevator in her building and she put her hand on the railing. She said someone had thrown up on it. She said she prayed it was a little kid. Robin said it looked like it wasn't adult puke. Howard said it was probably Richard Christy. Howard said he was on the Wrap UP Show talking about packing beer in his luggage. He said he had like 20 beers in his suitcase. Howard said he was dumbfounded. He said that's a problem. He had beer everywhere.
Howard took a call from a guy who was trying to get a story out but it was taking too long. Howard said he had to get out of this. He said it was just taking too long. The guy hung up so Howard did a live commercial read.
Howard said he tries to plan properly but he doesn't. He said he has to get to AGT later after the meeting he has. He said that he has to go speak to the executives of Sirius and it's not in that building. Howard said he was asked to go and he agreed to do it. He said he has no fucking time to do this. He said he is ready to jump out a window. Howard said he over booked himself today. Howard asked where Robin was. Robin said he's not listening to his mother who says he's doing too much. Howard said it's so far away from Manhattan. Howard said he thought it would be close. He said it's so not close by. Howard said he gets duped. He said that he doesn't have a vision for the future. He said maybe they should ask Human Newman to do it instead.
Robin read a story about the FAA hoping to fine Southwest airlines $12 million for not reporting problems on their 747s. Howard said people complain about government until a plane crashes. Then they complain about there not being enough regulations.
Robin read a story about what's going on in Israel and how they hit 70 targets overnight. Robin had a bunch of details about that and a rally that was held in New York City. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read a story about kids and drinking sugary drinks. Howard said they have soda there and the staff drinks it like it's water. Howard asked if people really lack the discipline to stop drinking soda. Howard said you just need to drink water. Howard said he has hot water with mint leaves in it. Howard said he just got a note saying JD grabs a soda first thing in the morning. JD said it's not every morning. Howard said he should use some discipline. Howard said he has a bag of Cheetos and a soda for lunch. JD said he wishes whoever is putting that up would stop. Howard said he should have one soda a day. He said he is a heavy boy and he knows that. JD said he thinks about that.
Robin read about Donald Sterling and how a judge is saying that Shelly Sterling was in the right trying to sell the L.A. Clippers. Robin said that the team will be sold.
Robin read about the Comic-Con car accident. Robin said that the driver was allegedly driving aggressively trying to get away from a crowd of people pretending to be zombies. Robin said they allegedly broke a window in the car. Howard said it's ridiculous what they're doing out there. Howard said they should grow up.
Robin said that the San Diego comic-Con don't want the Salt Lake city convention to call it Comic-Con. Robin said that Salt Lake city is calling it Comic Con without the hyphen.
Robin read about Derek Jeter being at the top of all time hits. Robin had some audio of Jeter talking about that.
Robin read a story about Jay Leno returning to NBC this week. Robin said he's going to be on Last Comic Standing as a mentor this week.
Robin said The Situation from The Jersey Shore is agreeing to undergo anger management courses after he got in a fight with his brother at their family tanning salon.
Robin read about Willow Smith has a new song coming out. Robin said she is 13 years old and she's outgrown the whipping her hair back and forth thing. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Howard said she should get her father to write her songs.
Robin read a story about Neil Young backing an effort to save the world's forests. Robin said that he's trying to stop illegal logging. Robin had some audio of Young talking about that. Howard said he digs Neil still caring about stuff like that. He said he likes that dude.
Robin read a story about Linda Ronstadt being honored at some event. Robin said that Ronstadt is suffering from MS so she showed up in a wheelchair but did walk to the podium. Robin had some audio of President Obama making a speech at that event. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said he wants to start off talking about the AGT judges stopping by. He said it was interesting to see them in this environment. He said they got to see Howie and Mel going back and forth calling each other cunt and bitch. He said they got to let loose there a little more than on AGT. Jon said that they seemed to have really missed each other. He said they were all there doing the show and talking about their schedule. Jon said Howard has a lot going on today. He said once the show kicks in he thinks you'll see Howard do that thing he does so well.
Jon said that Mel B and Howie have done individual interviews and Mel is very open and honest. He said Howie kind of laid back today and let Mel and Heidi do most of the talking. He said he'd love to hear the fantasy story that she told Howie. Jon said they have to have some comradely after doing the show a few years together. He said that Howard seemed a little upset with Howie for saying he doesn't prep for the show. Jon said that they'll have to see what happens tonight.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thought Robin was kissing Heidi's ass a little bit. She said that Robin said early on that she didn't like her judging ability. She said she felt like she was laughing a lot at Heidi and complimenting her a lot. Jon said he thought she was being genuine. He said that Robin did say a lot of things about Heidi a year or so ago. Jon said maybe there's a different relationship going on there.
Jon said the other thing going on up there was that they were filming a TV show. He said that they had a bunch of people up there. He said Howard gets frustrated because they'll only use 10 seconds of video on the program. He said that's the way it goes with the TV gig though.
Jon said that JD came in to meet Mel B today. He said he seems to feel more comfortable going in there than he used to. Steve Brandano said he thinks that JD knows to keep it short and sweet now. Steve said quick complimenting and out is what he does. Steve said when he tries to articulate things that's when he gets into trouble.
Jon asked Steve how he thinks Howard is going to be on a day like today. Steve said that he shows his commitment to The Bachelorette. He said that Howard knows how long his day is and he still stayed up late last night. He said that it's good that the judges were in there early. He said that gives Howard less time to get mad at them. He said he'll take it because it could have gone a different way.
Jon asked Steve if he thinks that he's on the Howard or Gary dinner list. Steve laughed and said no. He said he thinks that's more the Bon Jovis and people like that. He said if he was on either he might be on Gary's list. They went to break after that.
Jon asked if this is part of his new attitude. JD said he doesn't have a new attitude. Jon asked how Mel B looked today. JD said she looked good. He said he glanced over at her a couple of times. He said they both have significant others so they have to respect that.
Jon asked if Heidi remembered him from the birthday show. JD said he thinks so. She did say ''Hello!'' to him when she saw him.
Jon asked JD about Mel B letting loose today. JD said he loves hearing her doing anything. Jon said he's been a fan of her's for a while. JD said he hated their music but he thinks she's the hottest of the Spice Girls.
Jon asked Ronnie if Heidi remembers JD from the birthday show. Ronnie said no way. He said she doesn't even remember him and he's there every day. Ronnie said he's just joking and she does remember him.
Jon asked about the chaos in the halls there today. Ronnie said it wasn't chaotic. He said it was fine. He said it's like being in the battlefield there. He said he has to get everyone in on time there.
Jon said Ronnie has a very long day today. He said he's working from about 3am until Midnight or so. Ronnie said he's looking forward to it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said today was great. He said they had 3 very attractive women in there. He asked who they would hook up with out of the three. Jon asked Ronnie who he would hook up with out of Heidi, Mel B and Maggie. Ronnie picked Mel B. He said she seems like a real player. Jon asked what he means by that. Ronnie said she said that she likes to experiment. Jon asked Ronnie if he likes to experiment then what is he referring to. Ronnie said he's assuming there is room to move around and do different things.
Jon asked Gary who he'd pick. Gary said he'd go with Mel B too. He said Maggie seems very nice. He said Heidi is nice too but Mel is a party.
Jon said he thinks that he knows JD's answer on that. JD said that Heidi is German and she might be kinky but he thinks that he'd go with Mel B. He said she's got the face, the butt, the boobs and everything.
Jon said that Heidi would get his vote. He said he understands the Mel B vote though. Ronnie asked Jon what he would do with her. Jon said that would remain between him and Heidi. Ronnie kept asking. Jon said he'd take her to a batting cage.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has watched Heidi and she seems kind of condescending to Howard. Gary said he thinks she's more proper and she may not be that familiar with Howard's show. He said she just keeps things closer to the vest than other people.
Jon said that Mel was talking to Heidi out in the hall and Heidi kind of flashed after Howard asked her to wear something more revealing. He said she kind of surprised everyone with that.
Gary said they got into an argument in the kitchen about the list that Howard has. He said Steve Brandano was one of the people arguing. Steve said that it's not a young person thing to do. Gary said it's not a list of people to hang out with. Gary said when you're in a relationship you think about going to dinner with someone and sometimes you want to keep a list. He said you can sit there wondering who go to out with or you pull out a list. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that she told a story about Oliver Stone and he knows JD is a big fan of his. JD said not lately but he has some great movies. He said he's done a couple of documentaries out too. He said he did a movie about two guys and a girl in a relationship where they were dealing drugs and he wasn't a fan of that.
Jon asked JD what he thought about the way Oliver treated her. JD said it sounded like it was a joking around kind of thing. Gary said if a guy says to a woman that she was good in the morning but then she stinks in the afternoon that's kind of rough.
Jon said that the movie Secretary really put Maggie on the map. JD said he wasn't a fan of the movie but he thinks it did too.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said he didn't hear the AGT judges segment but he thinks that Heidi is really funny off camera. He said she says some really funny stuff about the acts but not on camera. He said she sells baby furniture so she won't say it on the air. Jon said that the judges seem to click really well. He said he thinks they like breaking balls and hanging out doing the show. Ralph said they do. He said when they're not on the air they are out having fun while Howard is in his room trying to rest. Ralph said that's just Howard. He said he feels bad for him at times.
Jon asked if Howard can enjoy these moments in his life. Gary said he's not sure. He said he was talking to Howard off the air about doing something and Howard asked why you would do that. He said Howard is into what he's into and that's it. He said everything else is stupid to him. He said that's why the show is funny.
Steve asked Ralph if he would pick Heidi, Mel or Maggie to hook up with for a night. Ralph said Mel would probably be the craziest. He said Heidi too. He said he thinks he'd pick Heidi. Ralph said she's with that new boyfriend a lot. Jon said he and Ralph agree.
Jon let Ralph go and said JD is struggling with the soda thing. He said he doesn't worry about that stuff. He asked when he's going to start caring. JD said he is just living the day. He said Carpe Diem. Jon said that's Seize the Day.
Gary said Richard used to get the gout and now he runs every day and watches what he eats. He said he doesn't watch what he drinks but he does watch what he eats. Gary said maybe something needs to scare JD into changing.
Steve said Richard bases his running on how much beer he wants to drink. He said he's very disciplined. JD said he's not himself. He said that's boring to him. JD said he actually does have some routines here and there but overall he's undisciplined.
JD said he was irritated this morning. He said people were putting stuff up on the screen for Howard and it was annoying. Jon said he thinks they're going to wrap this up now. He had the guys get in their plugs and they ended the show around 10:55am.
Benjy Shows Up Late Again. What Now? 09/16/10. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Beetlejuice's ''Beetle'' song, Bon Jovi performing ''Help'' live on the Howard Stern Show.
Howard started the show talking about how he has an empty seat this morning so he has to fire Benjy. He said that he's got to at least throw him off of the Wrap Up Show. Robin said he just got back on two days ago. Howard said he's like Dad around there and he hates that aspect of the job. Howard said he really does hate that. Robin asked if he thinks that something really went wrong. Howard said if he was in a car accident then he's okay.
Howard asked Robin what he should do. Robin said that he's not being too harsh at all. Howard said he's not sure what Benjy is thinking. He said he must have many other job offers. Robin said he's just irresponsible. Howard said he told him to get there a half hour early. He said he just can't do that apparently. Howard said you have to do whatever you have to do to hold onto a job in this economy. Howard said Benjy thinks he's kidding around. He said he doesn't want to fire the guy.
Robin said if he fires him then he might be hurting himself. He's only got a few more moths there. Howard said he doesn't mind hurting himself. Robin said maybe he can write from outside the studio and keep him off the Wrap Up Show again.
Howard said he's going to do anything he can except fire him. He said he's not sure where he is. Robin said maybe he just stayed home thinking he's fired.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't fire him. He said that he has given him so many chances. Howard said it's just ridiculous. He said he must have a mental illness. Howard said he thinks it's almost like death by cop. He must not want to be there anymore but he can't tear himself away. He said that really upsets him because he doesn't like firing people. Howard said when you want something then you show up on time.
The caller said that bowling is not a sport either. He said anyone can throw a ball down an alley and knock down pins. Howard said that it is just as much of a sport as baseball and games like that. Howard said you have to be consistent when you play and it is a skill. He said it's no different than Golf.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Benjy probably heard the opening song of Jon Bon Jovi singing ''Help'' at the start of the show and jumped off a building. The guy said he hated the song. Howard didn't even know what song he was talking about. Howard had Fred replay it since he didn't hear it. Robin said she liked it and said it was a beautiful version of the song. The caller was also saying that Benjy is just crying out and he's only been on the Wrap Up Show for 3 days.
Gary said Benjy just got there and he ran straight to the bathroom. He said he might have a kit he has set up for late mornings and he may come out with fake blood on his face. Howard said that Benjy has done it to him again and now he has to deal with this.
Howard asked Benjy what he wants him to do. He said he must not want this job. Howard asked why he has to be the bad guy and why he can't just quit. Howard said he obviously wants to move on and now he's embarrassed him on the air by not firing him. Howard said he's okay with calling it quits.
Benjy said he doesn't want to quit. Howard said he has to come up with another punishment. Howard said Benjy just kept cutting it closer and closer and now he's late. Howard asked what he's supposed to do.
Benjy said he hit the snooze button and he didn't get up on time. Howard said all he does is ask him to be there on time. He doesn't ask him to stay late. He doesn't ask him to do anything extra there. He has a cush fuckin' job. Howard said the guy is just fuckin with him. Howard said if he re-signs there he's going to have to fire Benjy and hire someone more reliable. He said that's only if they re-sign there which he said would be a miracle.
Howard said everyone gets to work on time except for Benjy. Howard said he can't remember being late. Fred and Robin haven't been late. Fred said he was late once. Howard said he wouldn't even approach Fred about that. Robin said she had some experience where she was late a few times. She put herself on probation and stopped going out so late. Howard said Benjy lives blocks away. He said he shouldn't be late.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. Howard told Benjy he can't write in the studio anymore. He said he has to stay off the Wrap Up Show for the rest of the time they're there. Howard said he really doesn't enjoy this and he's making him look like an asshole. Howard said he doesn't know what to do.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do so he asked Benjy what he would do if he was him. Benjy said he doesn't know what he would do. Howard said he has told him over and over again not to show up late. Now he's spending the first half hour of the show on this and he doesn't want to deal with it. Howard said he had things he wanted to get to this morning. Howard said he was going to play staff impression contest entries. Now he's spending 30 minutes talking to Benjy about being late.
Howard said he's really not good at confrontation. He said he was listening to the Intern Show and he was going to talk about that this morning. He said he was going to have Gary tell Steve about some things he could do different but he told Gary to tell him instead. Howard said that's how much he hates confrontation.
Howard said Benjy is giving him mixed signals. He said he can't do this. Howard told him that he has to stop with this routine because it drives him nuts. It's really disrespectful to him to show up late. Howard said all he's asking is that he show up for four and a half hours. That's it. Howard said he should have read two newspapers by now. Howard said he should be there 45 minutes early to prepare for the show. Howard said if he worked for any other show, they get in way before the boss. Howard said they come up with ideas and jokes before the boss is there.
Howard told Benjy to go that extra mile. He said he's really not putting any effort into it. Howard said he's done doing this crap. Howard said he couldn't deal with Jackie anymore either and that's where this is going. Robin said he should fire him then. Howard said he thinks that Benjy really doesn't want this job. Howard said he's too much of a wimp when it comes to this stuff. It breaks his heart to fire the guy but he obviously doesn't want this job.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he shouldn't torment himself so much. Howard said he can't help it. The caller said he drives a truck for a living. Howard said he wishes that Benjy had to do that for a week to see how great he has it. Howard said he wishes that Benjy was up late writing jokes last night but that's just not happening.
Howard said he gets there on time and he's the one that could actually fuck off. He said that Jackie was the guy who would walk off the show and leave them sitting there holding the show together just so he'd have a job when he came back. Howard said he never saw what Robin was talking about. He said it finally hit him though and he saw what Jackie was really doing.
Howard said he wasn't able to find a newspaper this morning when he got there. He was scrambling around looking for one. He said he thought about that and how he always gave SIRIUS his best while he was there. He said he's been there 5 years and he's always prepared and has performed well. He takes pride in his job. Howard said Benjy could say he gets paid a lot of money but he's always been into his job even when he was getting next to nothing working at radio stations. Howard said he was on the radio in Westchester and he took pride in that. He said Benjy just doesn't do that. The caller said he takes pride in his job too. He said he drives a gasoline truck and he has to get the gas to the gas stations because they rely on him. Howard said he respects the caller for that. He said he doesn't care what a man does for work. If you have a job then you do it the best you can. He said you can't just take money for nothing.
Howard said he's never asked Benjy to do anything for the show. He doesn't have to stay late or anything like that. Howard said he's very loyal to people and there are a lot of people out there who would love to be working for this show. Howard said every show has writers and they shuffle them around and fire people all the time. Howard said Letterman always has new people writing over there. Howard said they're ready to replace them if they don't put out. He respects them for that.
Howard said Benjy doesn't even has a resume. He hasn't written anything for anyone else. Howard said he's just breaking his balls... ''the fuck.'' Howard said he's not sure why he keeps getting into this. He said he shouldn't even keep him around. He should fire him.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He took a call from a woman who said she doesn't get to listen much. She said she's heard this same conversation about 5 times. She said he doesn't deserve that much time on the air. Howard said he knows. He said he was talking to Kidd Chris about how he feels bad about letting people go from his show and that's how he's going to feel if he has to let people go. Howard said they have a pretty reliable job there and they get renewed every 5 years. This is the kind of job that people dream of. Howard said Jackie thought he could go write for a million shows but he never did. Howard said maybe Benjy thinks he can do that too. Howard said he bets Benjy has tried to get other jobs. He said maybe he should be trying to move on. Howard said he bets he's failed at getting other jobs. Now he's fucking him over showing up late.
Howard asked Benjy if he sees what he's doing to him. He said he's not joking about this. He said that Benjy is fucking him over and he hates him for this. Howard asked what the fuck is wrong with him and what he wants him to do with him. Benjy didn't have an answer for him.
King of all Blacks called in and said that Benjy sounds like he's sitting there getting off on this. Howard said he is. Howard said this is now his problem. He asked Gary if he has a spot for Benjy to sit at writing jokes. Gary said they were setting it up now. Howard said he feels bad but he has to send Benjy out of the studio to write.
Howard said he got into radio so he didn't have to be nauseous going to work. He said he hated that feeling on Sunday nights thinking about going to school. He said it was like torture. Howard said he had to go to school and get beat up, choked and all of that. He said he's not a warrior like Chuck Zito. Howard said he's just not that guy and every day his parents put him into that situation. He said that was all backwards and he was supposed to be ''the man'' and he was the one who should have beating up the black kids. Howard said he was stuck in that shitty school and finally got out of it and went to another school where they thought he was nuts. He had to take drugs to self medicate. Howard said he's still fucking up every day and he's stuck in a nightmare. Howard said he has a pretty decent job and it's supposed to be stress free. Now he has this clown.
Howard said he's got Benjy making things bad for him and there are other people there who are making it tough for him. Howard said he got out of there yesterday and tried to go see his daughter out on Long Island. Howard said he gave himself 2 hours to get out there and he was cutting it too close.
Howard said he will do anything for the people who work for him but this guy is just pissing on him. He said he's trying to keep this job going but this guy is just pissing on him.
Benjy said there are lots of times that they haven't gotten along well. Howard asked what the fuck he's talking about. Benjy said that he's always said that Howard is the most loyal, supportive person. He said he really hasn't looked into other jobs. He said he loves working there. Howard told him to just go look for girls on Craigslist. He said Benjy is a bullshit artist. Howard asked what he's supposed to do with him and how is he supposed to punish him. Benjy thinks that he should give him a financial fine. Howard said he can't do that. He said he's not going to come up with some calculation.
King was making noise on the phone because he was busy making his lunch. King said that he's going into work early this morning. Benjy told Howard to fine him $1,000 every time he's late. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said he doesn't have a pot to piss in and he's not going to fine him. Howard said maybe he should change his hours. Howard said he can't take money from Benjy. Benjy said it would be him wasting the money. Howard said he's not going to do it.
Hottest Regular Chick Contest Discussions. 06/06/07. 6:20am
Howard said he spent a lot of time with Ronnie yesterday because he's been driving him around this week. He said that he was out to dinner with his daughter and he felt bad for Ronnie because he was out all day with him. He said he shouldn't worry because he doesn't work all that hard. Ronnie came in and said that he's not upset about anything and he likes his job. He said that he doesn't get it when Howard talks like this.
Howard said they have a great show today. They have Cabbie coming in for a visit. They have the Hottest Regular Chick contest coming up as well. Artie said he has a chick coming in but she's 40 years old. Ronnie found a chick who is 50 but very hot. Ronnie said he saw this chick and asked her to come on. She started to get a little wobbly when she heard what they wanted her to do. Howard said they asked the guys on the show to go out and find the hottest chick they could and bring her back to the show. They have a $5,000 prize for the winner. They need a normal chick who isn't in show business.
Artie said they had to go out and find a chick who they didn't know. He said that he had one girl who was really hot but he already knew her. Artie said he had another strange experience when he went up to a chick in the lobby and asked her if she was interested in being in the contest. He said the girl turned out to be an intern on the show that had just started. Artie said he really needed that Wrap Up Show thing yesterday because he's been called a 1.5 by one of the other interns.
Ronnie said that he almost cock blocked Artie yesterday with that chick Jen when she came into the studio. He said Artie was going to get her number by calling her missing cell phone and Ronnie was going to just use his phone instead.
Howard said that Fred had trouble finding a hot chick when he went out to find one for this contest they have today. Fred said he got a lot of strange looks from the chicks he was asking to be part of the contest. Howard told Fred that's because he's kind of scary. Fred said he was ready to go off to Europe with Artie after Howard went off on him.
Artie said that he was offering the chicks to take the whole $5,000 to get them on the show. Fred was doing the same but Gary was making strange deals where he was only going to give the girl $1,000. Gary said that he had a reason for doing that. He said he found one girl who would have been perfect for it but she started to back out so he had the ability to bump the money up and up instead of just blowing his load right off the bat.
Howard asked Fred about not being able to find a chick. Fred said he was asking girls to do it and then he'd find out that they weren't over the age of 18. He said he was throwing out the show name and the money to the girls and he still wasn't able to find anyone. He said he thinks that all girls should have to wear signs that say that they're over or under 18. Howard said Fred isn't alone, JD wasn't able to find a girl either.
Fred said he was sent down to Columbus Circle to find a chick but there were none there. Howard said that some of the guys could go to Hooters to find girls. Fred said he thought that wasn't allowed. That's what Artie thought as well. He said he was under the impression that the girls couldn't use their looks to have made money. Jason came in and said that he told the guys that the girls couldn't have modeled, that's it. If they were just a waitress, that would be fine.
Howard said it's not easy to go up to women like that and find someone willing to be part of the contest. Artie said he found a 17 year old in Times Square and asked her to be part of it. He didn't know she was that young. Gary said that he wasn't telling the women what the name of the contest was either. He was telling them they were just looking for the hottest ''girl next door.''
All of this was shot for Howard TV so they had audio of JD going out to find chicks. He was asking girls if he could ''borrow them'' for a second. JD said he had two chicks lined up but they both backed out. He played a clip of JD asking a girl if she was interested in coming on the show to be part of the show. Howard listened to that and told him he was a loser. He told him that he doesn't know how to talk to people. He said that he should have told her about the money right up front. He was telling the girl that ''the worst thing'' she'd have to do was get into a bikini. That scares girls off. JD said that it's easy to sit there and tell him that now. Howard played some more clips of JD asking various hot chicks if they had been models or actresses. Quite a few of them were turning him down right away.
Howard played one clip where JD said he was going to do a walk around like a kidnapper might do. JD said he was just trying to be funny for the show. Howard played more of JD's stuff and we got to hear him asking to talk to the girls for a couple of seconds and the girls just walking off saying they didn't have time.
Howard moved on to Fred after that and played some of his attempts to find a girl for the contest. He wasn't having much luck, just like JD. Howard was goofing on him a little bit so Fred shot back at Howard telling him that he looks like a character from a Tim Burton movie. Howard said he's just trying to help Fred out and he's sabotaging him. He said that he didn't bring a girl in so obviously he was scaring them away. Artie said that he brought in a girl but it was the last one he tried so it wasn't so easy for him. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Snoop Dogg Visits. 12/14/09. 8:35am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a flower shop using clips of James Brown to ask for a card to be filled out. Fred also played some Snoop Dogg ''Gin and Juice'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and had Snoop Dogg come in. Howard said he's rumored to be worth over $100 million. Howard asked Snoop if he was high when he made that song ''Gin and Juice.'' Snoop didn't say but he said he's still using the green. He said he can't give that up. Howard said that the guys were saying he smells of weed this morning.
Howard told Snoop that he could get cancer from that smoke too. Snoop said something is going to kill you so why not enjoy it now. Howard asked if he's worried about cancer. Snoop said he's not worried. He said that he's on medical marijuana and he has that for his migraines and blurred visions. He laughed as he was talking about that.
Howard asked Snoop if he would start his own store if they legalized pot. Snoop said that he would have a place called ''Snoopy's'' and he'd sell all kinds of stuff. Howard asked how he's not in the business already. Snoop said that you have to have real symptoms to get the medical card. He said that the doctor told him he had all of these problems he didn't even know he had. He said that once they prescribed that stuff he was feeling so much better he didn't have to go to the hospital anymore. He has to fill his prescriptions like 3 times a week or so. Snoop said that this thing he has is with him for life so he doesn't even have to go back to the doctor.
Howard said that Snoop is doing something there at SIRIUS XM where he's going to have his own channel for a couple of weeks. Snoop said that he wants to have it 24/7 there and he's hoping that works out. Howard said he thinks that would be a lot of fun. Maybe this is a trial balloon for that. Snoop said that's exactly what it is.
Howard said that Snoop has been doing stuff with SIRIUS for a long time now. Snoop said that he was there before a lot of them started there. He said that he was able to say whatever he wants to on this service. Snoop said he likes the clear signal and how he can listen anywhere in the country. Howard said he agrees and he loves the service. Robin said she doesn't listen to terrestrial radio anymore. Snoop said there is no reason to.
Howard read that Snoop went to school at the same place Cameron Diaz did. Snoop said that Cameron went to a hood school. He said she didn't live in his neighborhood but she was loved at the school. He said that she was under his class and he didn't pay much attention to her back then.
Howard asked Snoop about going to school and found out he graduated on time with a 2.4 GPA. Howard said he was in a gang though. Snoop said that he was but he also had a mom at home who was tough on him. He said he had to do well in school to make her happy while he was doing the gang thing. Snoop said that he's seen people get shot and he's had to shoot at people too. He said that's part of growing up in that life. Robin asked if he shot somebody. Snoop didn't say he had. He said that Robin likes to say that kind of shit.
Snoop has gotten picked up for gun possession so Howard asked why he never had to go to jail like Plaxico Burress. Snoop said he's not that retarded. He said he could smoke for 9 months and his aim wouldn't go anywhere near him. Howard said that Burress had the gun in his sweat pants so you just can't hold it in there. Snoop said that they clamped down on celebrities in New York and that's why Burress had do time. He said they were looking to make an example out of him. He said there's no reason for a football player to have a gun on him in a strip club.
Snoop said that he liked how Plaxico's buddy was trying to hide his gun for him too. They talked about how Plaxico had to go to Riker's island too. They didn't let him off easy, he had to go to a hard core prison. Snoop said that if he has the wrong attitude in there then he's going to have problems. Snoop said that he's sure they made an announcement about why he was in there and how much of a dumb ass he was for shooting himself.
Howard asked Snoop if he's been in prison. Snoop said that he was in jail and they ended up expunging the stuff from his record but then a year later he had an incident and they opened up his records again. Snoop said that they set him up for that though. He said they hit his house and him at the same time. He took the fall for his family so they wouldn't get into trouble.
Snoop told Howard he has denounced gang banging lately. He said that he's an inspiration to the gang bangers out there because he was able to make it out. Howard asked about going through the hazings that he had to go through to get into the gang. Snoop said that they used to beat up the new guys but these days it seems like you can just put on a rag and get into the gang.
Snoop said that when he was in the gang his intent wasn't to go around killing people. He said that's what would end up happening but the guys in the gangs weren't bad guys. Robin said that's what happened when kids get into gangs and are out of control.
Howard said when Snoop got into his gang and went through his hazing he had two of his homies beat him up. Howard said it was like they were trying to toughen him up. Snoop said that it made sense because he learned to fight two guys at a time. Snoop said he didn't get hit with bat and chains like Howard thought. He said they were testing his heart to see if he was willing to go all the way and if he was going to fight back. Snoop said that he had to fight two guys that were his age and not the bigger guys. Snoop said that he got socked in the face by one guy and another guy would hit him from behind. Then he had to fight back and it lasted for 2 minutes. He said it was the longest 2 minutes of his life. He said if he couldn't make it through that, he wouldn't have made it into the gang.
Howard said he was reading about how Snoop was a police informant and that's why he hasn't gone to jail. Snoop said that's not the case, he's just too slick to go to jail. He said that getting caught with a gun was just him protecting himself. He's not going out and causing any problems. He said he could go to jail for smoking weed too. He said that he's been banned from London because of the weed. He said that he likes the people over there but they're all caught up in 1800s with their laws and stuff.
Howard read that he had been busted for busting up a duty free shop over there. Snoop said that sometimes the people there aren't quite as first class as he is. Snoop told that story and how they got into a scuffle with the Bobby's over there.
Howard said he didn't know Snoop was worth $100 million. Snoop said he didn't know that either and he might have to borrow some money from himself. Howard asked Snoop if he's surprised about the whole Tiger Woods thing. Snoop said that Tiger has that clean cut personality and no one expects him to do stuff like that. Snoop said that he's the kind of guy that's expected to do that. Howard asked if he still has his pimp thing going on. Snoop said that he had to give it up and pass it along to Don Magic Juan. He said he had 60 girls at one point though. Snoop said if you service the right people the cops will never find out. He said he never had any problems.
Howard asked Snoop how his wife and kids are doing. Snoop said they're doing just fine. Snoop said that his wife is raising the kids and he's still going around doing his thing. He said that he has to be discreet about what he does and she has to be discreet about what she's doing. He said that's what Tiger should have been doing. He said that Tiger's wife should just raise the kids and let Tiger go out and do his thing. Snoop said that Tiger is going to eventually come home and be with her and her alone. Snoop said that he wants to go out and do his thing while he wants to.
Snoop said his wife knew about all of that pimp stuff when he was out here. He said that it's hard with him and his wife now but things are all about respect now. Snoop said that he has to be discreet about what he does and not do it in clubs and stuff. Robin asked if he's saying that he just hides it now. Snoop said that he doesn't even do it anymore because he respects his wife so much.
Howard said that Tiger was having sex with these broads without a condom. Robin said that they're saying that he could have kids out there too. Snoop said that some of these scandalous bitches will collect his stuff and get pregnant. Snoop said he can't just go and talk to bitches. He said that Tiger can't do that either. Snoop said that he had to have a guy getting the women for him. He thinks that it was just one person too. Snoop said whoever that person is should be spotlighted. He said that's the guy who brought those women to Tiger and he's responsible for that. Howard said Snoop is right about that. There was a guy he read about who was booking hotels for him and things like that.
Howard asked Snoop how you make sure a woman doesn't talk. Snoop said it's all about the relationship with the woman. He said that Tiger may not have an a good relationship with them so they all came out. He said that you have to tell the girls what's going on and how you have to make sure they're going to keep it discreet. Snoop said that it can be done discreetly and kept a secret.
Howard asked Snoop about a quote he had where he said that there was KKK money behind the whole Obama campaign. snoop said he thinks that they did that so they could put the blame of George Bush's mess on Obama. He said they want him to fail and that's why they got behind him.
Howard gave Snoop a plug for Snoop Dog Nation that will be on SIRIUS channel 40 and XM 67 starting today. He mentioned the Roll Call thing and asked Snoop if he had ever heard of it. Snoop said he hadn't heard about that. Howard said that's what he wanted to hear. He said he wouldn't even get into that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Snoop about the Nation of Islam and about being a member in that. Snoop said that's been nothing but good for him and he has nothing bad to say about them.
A caller asked Snoop about what his favorite kind of weed is. Snoop said that his favorite is Grand Daddy Purple. He also talked about how much he loves that and learning how to grow his own. He said there are a lot of books out there about how to do that.
Howard asked how much he smoked this morning. Snoop said he smoked two blunts with some of his people. Snoop said that he had the guys from the Man Cave show hook him up with a Man Cave. Snoop said that he loves to play video games. He said he loves Madden or NBA 2K10.
Howard played a song that Snoop has out from his new album ''Malice N Wonderland.'' Howard was impressed that Snoop did this all off the top of his head and didn't write anything down. Snoop said that's the way he does things these days. He said that he used to write stuff down in a journal but not anymore.
Howard asked Snoop if he has ever smoked with Beyonce. Snoop said he hadn't. He said he has smoked with 50 Cent when he was a youngster. Snoop said he's a businessman now. Howard said he's worth a lot of money because of that Vitamin Water stuff.
Howard played more of Snoops song and said he's really impressed with that song. Snoop was singing along with the song and Howard was impressed by that too. Snoop told Howard how much he likes coming on the show and how many good times they've had in the past. He said that he had Beetlejuice on his TV show one time and that guy is a fool.
Howard said they ran a 5 part series for Beetlejuice on his Howard TV channel. Snoop laughed at what Howard told him about that series.
Howard and Snoop talked about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Snoop said if that was his daughter his foot would be so far up Chris' ass that they'd have to call a fire truck to come and get it out. Snoop said that if Chris was a gangster rapper then that would have been part of his M.O. and record stores would have no problem selling that album.
Howard asked Snoop if he's doing any acting. Snoop said that they want him to keep playing the same parts and he's looking to spread out and do other stuff. He said he's not the yes sir kind of guy so he's not going to do that. Howard said he wants to play a villain in a movie. Snoop said that's what he'd like to do too.
Howard told Snoop he had a good time with him today. He said they have to do this again. Snoop said that Howard is great and he has a picture of him hanging in his house that he still hasn't taken down.
Howard asked Snoop which girls in Hollywood are hot right now. He said that bitch from Transformers, Megan Fox, is hot. He said he thinks about her naked whenever he watches that movie. He likes Kate Beckinsale too. Howard gave him some more plugs and played him out with his song ''I Wanna Rock.'' They were going to go to break but Howard asked to see Snoops eyes to see how wasted he was. He said Snoop looked really wasted but he could still remember all of the lyrics to his song. He was singing along to the song as it was playing. they went to break a short time later.
The Hottest Regular Chick Contest. 06/06/07. 7:45am
As they were coming out of break we heard a Gary Garver interview with Lawrence Taylor. Howard came back right after that and mentioned that the guys were all sitting around talking about how hard it would be to find some hot chicks to come up to try and win some money. It turns out it's not all that easy.
King of All Blacks came in as a judge this morning and he was limping from a knee operation he had. Howard said he was looking thinner but he was wearing a tight shirt that didn't look right on him. Howard said Ralph is also a judge today and then moved on to talk about how the guys all went out to find chicks around the city who would be willing to be part of this contest. King interrupted and said he needed some volume in his headphones. That led to Howard asking the guys to show the guests how to do that when they bring them in.
King of all Blacks said that he had a problem with his wife last night when she bought their daughter a white doll. He said that's just wrong. Howard said that maybe a 2 year old black girl should have a black baby. King said that he threw the doll out the window and that's when all hell broke loose. He said the doll came in on a white horse too. Howard said it would make sense if the doll was black. King said he's be fine if the doll was Dora the Explorer or something since she's Spanish. King said he doesn't mind the straight hair on the dolls, he kind of likes that. Howard wondered why the baby doesn't have an afro. King said they just don't do that.
Howard got back to the game and talked to JD about his failure to get chicks to come on the show. JD said he had two girls but they both backed out. Howard played the audio of JD asking some girls if they wanted to be part of the contest and getting rejected. Howard pointed out how creepy he was talking to these chicks.
Howard asked Artie where he met his hot chick. Artie said he found this chick out in front of the building. She was with a guy who was a big fan of the show. He said that she was very pretty but she is 43 years old. Howard asked him how he worked the money deal. Artie said that he just told her she could have all of it. It was up to each of the guys to split the money with the girls the way they wanted.
Artie told the guys that his chick had a couple of kids too. She came in a short time later. Her name was Diane. Ralph saw her and said ''next'' when he saw her. Howard said she had big boobs and was thin and he thought she looked good. Diane said that she listens to the show all the time and she's a big fan. Howard said that Robin, Ralph and King were all going to vote on the contestants. Howard asked Diane what she considers herself on a scale of 10. She rated herself at a 7. Ralph asked her if her top was going to come off. She said that she'd lose her job as a college professor if she did that. She teaches psychology so Howard asked her what she thinks about Artie leaving the show. She doesn't think leaving the show is going to help. She thinks he needs a vacation and some changes in his life though.
Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver found this woman Amy who rates herself at an 8. She came in and said that Ronnie wasn't creepy at all when he approached her. She said that he was very smooth and very chilled out when he introduced himself. She gave his rap and King started to laugh. He said that Ronnie thinks that he's real smooth and had to laugh at that. Amy is a sales executive and has a boyfriend. She said that she thinks she's an 8 on a scale of 10. Ronnie said she can have the whole five grand if she wins. Amy said that was a huge incentive. Ralph asked her if her top was going to come off. She said no just like Diane did. Ronnie said that he told her she didn't have to take her top off but she could if she wanted.
Howard brought in the next contestant which was Gary's girl Jessylyn. Gary said he found her walking around outside on the block they work on. He said he was going to split the $5,000 with her even though he had told her it was only $1000 at first. Gary said that he's spoken to her since he met her and she's so sweet that he figured he'd just split it with her. He said he found her as a waitress at Hawaiian Tropic. She's never appeared in print or modeled for anything. He said that she wants to dance and she's working there to pay her bills. She came there from Ohio. Howard asked her why she doesn't dance at Scores. She said that she doesn't do that kind of thing, she's a regular dancer. Jessylyn said she thinks she's about an 8 on a scale of 10. She said that everyone is beautiful there and she's not sure if she can win. She's only 22 years old. Ralph didn't think it was fair that he found this chick where he did. Gary said the rules were discussed and this girl fit in there.
Howard moved on to Benjy's girl, Jamie. She came in and said that she thinks she's about a 7 on a scale of 10. She has a baby voice so Howard talked to her about that. She's only 21 years old. Howard asked Benjy how he found this girl. Benjy said that he saw her and found her stunning. He said she was going in to apply at Hawaiian Tropic. She said that he was a very nice person and she wasn't freaked out by him at all. She said that she did get a job there and she's training as a hostess now. Jamie's last name is Hilfiger and she is related to Tommy Hilfiger. She said that he's her uncle. She said he gives her nice presents and stuff but she can't live off of it. She said that her father bought her a C Class Mercedes as a gift as well. She said that her old car got stolen and her father helped her out.
Howard told Benjy that Benjy's chick qualifies for the contest. There were some arguments about whether or not she should be in the contest. Ronnie said that she was on TV but Gary said that was his girl. He said that his girl had applied for the show but didn't get on. The guys were fighting with this Jamie girl and Howard had to ask them to stop. Ralph said that he had a lot of 7's written down but if someone's top came off, that might change. Benjy said that he only offered Jamie $500 of the $5,000 grand prize. She really doesn't need the money according to some of the guys there. Will said that Jamie was telling him that she would date Benjy if they were both single. She has a boyfriend though and Benjy has a girlfriend.
Howard went around the room and asked the judges who they feel should win. Ralph said that Amy just went up a point with the nice ass she has. Howard gave a plug for the World Extreme Cage fighting that airs on Versus since they were the sponsor of the contest. He asked Robin for her vote first. Robin said that she had to pick Gary's girl Jessylyn. Howard asked Ralph for his pick. Ralph said he was going with Jessylyn as well even though he didn't think it was that fair. He said he thinks she needs implants though.
Howard asked Jessylyn to dance for them since she is a dancer, or trying to be one. Fred found a song to play for her and she started to dance for them. Howard said she was really good too. Will danced with her a little bit and then Howard asked King to get up and dance with her as well. They were dancing to a Beyonce song. Howard told King that he shouldn't be touching the girl though. He had everyone sit down a short time later.
Howard asked King for his pick. King said he was going to pick Tommy Hilfiger's niece. He said that he had to give it to her. Fred went with Jessylyn. Howard said he was going to pick her as well so she was the winner. Howard said it would be nice if they could give prizes to all of the girls but they only had the prize for the winner. They had this guy Urijah Faber come in to present the check to the winner. He's one of the fighters in this WEC battle. He said that his fight is going to be on Versus tonight so people should check that out. He said that he actually went to school but ended up fighting.
Gary is going to split the money with Jessylyn. Artie was still pissed that Gary found a girl the way he did. Gary said that he stayed within the rules. Artie said that girls like that don't walk around the streets, they belong to some kind of society that picks them up to make sure no one sees them. Howard gave away a few other prizes courtesy of HealthFromTheHive.com for the girls who didn't win.
The guys talked to Urijah for a few minutes about his fights. He told them about how brutal the fights can be. He was saying that he's 19-1 so he doesn't lose very often. He said he only weighs about 153 so Artie said that he doubles his weight. Howard wrapped up a short time later and congratulated Gary on his win. He got in a few plugs and then went to commercial break.
Wendy The Retard Vomit Voice Mail. 03/20/08. 7:15am
After the break we heard a Sal and Richard prank call to a pharmacy using Steve Langford ''rectal itch'' audio clips. Fred played some Neil Young ''Down By the River'' too. Howard came back during that song and said that he had a voice mail from Wendy the Retard where she called in vomiting. She claims she was vomiting because of her period.
Howard said that he doesn't think that anything on her is being taken care of. He said that he knows that women have a lot to do down there when they have their period. He remembered the big sanitary belt that his mother used to wear. He said that he remembers seeing those things when he was a kid and he felt like Beavis and Butt-Head wanting to get one just to see what it was. Fred played some of the Beavis and Butt-Head laughing clips for Howard when he brought them up. Howard said he still doesn't know what a sanitary belt looks like. Every time he'd bring that up Fred would play the laughing clips.
Howard played Wendy's vomiting voice mails and got a few laughs out of that. She was really heaving pretty hard. Howard said it sounds like she's possessed. She eventually flushes the toilet and hangs up. Then she called back to explain why she was puking. She said that she's been sick for a couple of days and blamed it on her ''You know what'' (period). She said she'd call back when she feels better.
Howard said that they may have done an ''Ask the Retards'' where she talked about her period. He played that bit that the guys had put up on his screen. In the clip they have a woman bring up how she gets diarrhea whenever she's on her period and both Gary and Wendy the Retards talked about that subject. The two of them were arguing about the right thing to do when a woman has that problem. Howard said that bit is so good. He said that he knows that there's a lot of confusion with a woman's period.
Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 09/16/10. 9:50am
Howard said he's really having a bad day because of Benjy. He said he feels upset about the whole thing. Robin said that's understandable. Howard said he wants Benjy to apologize. Fred said he really should. Robin said that Howard is right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's being too hard on Benjy. The guy said Benjy isn't doing this on purpose. He said he gets up late too and he probably shows up late to work as much as he does. The guy said that some people just can't get up. Howard said there's nothing wrote than the alarm going off but he gets up. The caller said that some people just can't do that. Howard said he feels he has to get up right away so he can get to work on time.
The caller asked how many times Gary has been threatened with his job. Howard said it's been many times. the caller didn't remember any of those but he has fired Gary many times but he just won't leave.
Howard said he just feels bad and it was a tough day for him. Jon asked why he feels guilty. Howard said he doesn't like all of the bad vibes. He's not comfortable with it. Howard said things are bad with him and Benjy now and he hates rocking his world like that. Howard said he asks the guy to be on time and he won't do it. It's the same broken record all the time.
Jon also talked about how Benjy has been banned from the Wrap Up Show for life. He said he'd like to talk to him today but he's going to respect Howard's wishes. Howard said he hates that this had to happen. He didn't want to ban Benjy from the show but he has to do something. Howard said he's resentful either way. He said he has bad feelings now and Benjy is making him feel this way. He hates that.
Ralph called in and said that Benjy has some kind of mental problem. He said it's kind of like Jeff the Drunk and how he gets something from this. Howard said he's getting attention. Ralph said that it was obvious that he was going to do this again. He's been saying that since the last time he showed up late. Ralph said he's just being too nice of a guy. He said Benjy should have just stayed home and not shown up.
Ralph said Howard has to make up his mind if he's just going to let it slide or get worked up over it. He said he has to do something. Howard said he might have to get rid of him.
Gary said that Jason was saying that it's hard for all of them there. Gary said he looks at his clock at 4:13 in the morning and he can't just hit snooze. He said it's not fair to everyone else who shows up on time. Fred asked who else has been late in the last 3 months. Howard said he wouldn't even know. He said Benjy is in the studio with him so that's why he gets so upset with him. He said that he only knows he's late because he's in studio. Fred said it is a big distraction. Howard said it's a distraction when Gary is late too but that doesn't happen so often.
Gary said that if Will showed up late he'd be pissed. He wouldn't have his breakfast if Will was late. Howard said Will is reliable. Howard said if he lets this slide then people like Will will wonder why he doesn't get a pass on being late. Howard said he doesn't feel so bad after that conversation. He said Benjy is out there crying and carrying on. Fred said his daughter is like that when they take away a toy.
Jon said Benjy brought this on himself. He said he's had to fire people and it's a horrible feeling. He said it's not easy to do that. He said you have to do it sometimes. Gary said he has only ever fired one person in the history of the show. He said the guy cried and it traumatized him.
Robin's News. 09/16/10. 10:10am
Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a Dan the Song Parody Man song parody. Robin started her news with a story about Drew Barrymore and how hot she's looking. Howard said she's looking great in those photos. He said he's not sure if she looks like that in real life though. Howard said the picture was very sexy. Robin said she saw her on David Letterman and she didn't look that good.
Howard said Beth just did a shoot where she's on a bicycle in a bikini. Howard said she's not airbrushed at all. He said that's not fair because people must think that she's airbrushed. Howard said he'd almost guarantee that Drew Barrymore is airbrushed. Howard said he's calling for a ban on air brushing.
Howard took a call from Al Rosenberg who said that he cant' believe that anyone would want to be late working on that show. He said that they have to feel sorry for Benjy being a crazy fuck for not showing up on time. Al said that you just show up and do your job. He said no other employer is going to let him get away with it. Howard cut Al off saying that he was getting worked up again and he had to stop.
Today's vacation special was over around 10:10am.
Jon asked Benjy what made the difference after that so he doesn't show up late now. Benjy said it's still a struggle. He said he thinks he felt like he was on the verge of being fired. He said he has had times in the past where he had to take care of a bunch of things before leaving for work. Now it's more absolute in his head that he doesn't have to wash his butt before he comes to work now. He said he doesn't worry about stuff like that anymore. Benjy said people were saying he wanted to be fired. He said he loves food and overeats but he doesn't think about it in the moment. He said he doesn't think about the consequences. He said he's the same with leaving for work. He said he doesn't think about that.
Jon said that it will bite you. He said Howard kept saying he wanted to fire Benjy. He said he meant business that day too. Gary said Benjy does a good job and he keeps doing it. He said if you do that no one wants to think about replacing him. He said once he's the fly in the ointment then they start thinking about it.
Jon said Scott has been threatened to be fired and so has Gary. He said everyone knows Howard doesn't want to do it but he came close that day. Jon said if someone shows up to work late it throws Howard off. He said that's just not where he wants to be. Gary said Howard also starts to see it as a power struggle. He said it's like a sign of disrespect. Gary said that's what Howard is asking himself when that happens. He's wondering if it is a power struggle.
Benjy said it's a broken promise. He said he broke his promise and it's disrespecting Howard. Benjy said he feels wrong about that.
Jon said Benjy has been on time since then and he's even early at times. Gary said Benjy seems more understanding of it now. He said he thinks Benjy is one of those guys who likes to dance on the edge. He said it's like he gets a thrill getting there at the last minute. Gary said he will wait to get in the shower until the last minute when he goes out. Benjy said it's not the thrill. He said he hates wasting anything. He said he figures he can do something in those 3 minutes before he leaves.
Jon asked Scott Salem what he does to get to work on time. Scott said he'll leave two hours early to get someplace just to be sure he's on time. He said he and JD are there very early all the time. He said Benjy showing up so late didn't make sense to him. He said he does everything he needs to do at night and then he can leave for work right on time.
Benjy said this isn't an excuse but he has to think about himself like this. He said he's a little retarded about lateness. He said someone tweeted to him that on time is actually 15 minutes late. He said he loves that. He said he needs to learn to value that more.
Sal came in so Jon asked him about Benjy showing up late. Sal said people thought he was really late again today. Benjy said he heard that and he thought the show was live this morning. He thought they might be live.
Gary asked who they think didn't know they weren't live today until late yesterday. Jon guessed Robin. Gary said that's right. Gary said Robin never seems to know what they're doing. Scott said he sent an email out last week and he told someone to make sure Robin knew there was no show on Wednesday. Gary said he thinks that happened but Robin didn't realize it until late in the show yesterday.
Gary said Robin has come into work when they're off before. He said they send out a schedule to everyone in January. He said Robin never seems to be able to get on their system to check that stuff. Gary said it's gotten to the point where he has to notify Robin separately.
Sal said one time when he first started with the show Columbus day came and he didn't come in. He said the show was on and Gary called him asking where the fuck he was. Sal said that turned into a whole catastrophe.
Jon said Sal never worked there before so it's not the craziest thing. Sal said that was crazy. He said he should have known because he was a fan 12 years before that.
Jon said he didn't think Sal was going to know the Long Island Railroad was on strike that week they were. Sal said he didn't find out until Saturday night. Jon said he told Sal that he could drive himself in. Sal said he had a plan but he could have been mugged. Sal said he was going to drive to Queens and park in a garage. Gary said he used to do that early on.
Jon said that they took Benjy out of the studio and banned him from Wrap Up. Gary said they thought about putting Benjy in the green room and kicked around a lot of other ideas about what to do with him. Jon said Benjy sat in the bull pen that day. Benjy said he cried that day.
Benjy said he had a lot of people tweeting him today thinking they were live. He said that he remembered how he felt that day in 2010. Benjy said this is a case where it's healthy to care. Gary said this is one of those things that people have a very strong opinion about. He said they think of it like a sign of respect and they get so angry. He said he had a guy email him today about this and he used to have a guy like that who he'd send home every day until he got it.
Jon said people realize how special it is to work there and they think they could do Benjy's job as well as he can. Jon said he has this great job and he's pissing it away because he can't show up on time. Jon said that did not happen this morning though. He said they weren't live this morning but they are now.
Gary said he was talking to a guy who worked with them in TV there. Gary said he was telling him about how they had someone showing up late like 100 times in a year and Human Resources had to get involved and fired him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Benjy has been late since that time. Benjy said he knows it's been several years and he hasn't been late. He said he's glad and he hopes he can keep it going. Scott said Benjy has been close. He said he's been on time as far as he can remember. Sal said that's saying a lot since Scott is so busy back there and he can't have time to be checking on someone.
Jon said if Sal came in late he can sort of work his way into it. Sal said there have been times when Gary asks him for something and it can turn into a shit fest.
Jon said Richard was in there last week talking about jerking off on a flight. He said he mentioned Sal goes to the airplane bathroom with a magazine. Sal said he does if he has to take a shit. He said you get bored in there and you need some entertainment. Gary asked why you need entertainment. Sal laughed. Gary said when he goes to the bathroom on a plane he makes it as quick as he can. Benjy asked if they're saying it's not proper to bring a magazine in. Sal said it takes him 10-15 minutes to go. He said he has to read.
Gary said he's going to tell Sal some things he's sure he's unaware of. Gary said he never shits on an airplane. He said some people make it a mission to never go on a plane. He said Jason has only peed on an airplane once and never shit. Gary said Sal can go to the bathroom there at Sirius and he's invisible. He said if he's on a plane with 200 people he's going to be tying up the bathroom for 15 minutes. Sal said there are 4 bathrooms on a plane. He said if he has to go what is he going to do? He said he can't hold it in. Jon said he's shocked that it takes so long for him to go. Sal said he knows how long it takes and he'd like to read a magazine.
Benjy asked Gary if he thinks it's wrong he's doing it or showing people he's doing it. Sal said he had people waiting in line and Richard was banging on the door making it seem like he didn't know him. He said he pissed everyone off on line. Richard said he told the flight attendant to make sure he was okay because he was in there so long. Sal said Richard pretended he didn't know him and he made it seem like he was the bad guy. Sal said the bathrooms are there for a reason. He said he had to poo and he did.
Gary asked Sal if he tries to go to the bathroom at the hotel before getting on a flight. Sal said he will try to do that but he has a problem with his backbone if he tries pushing before he has to go. He said his backbone hurts and it's an odd feeling. He said that's why he won't do it.
Jon said there's a lot involved there other than the bathroom. Sal said he came to work one morning and he showed up at 6:05 and went to the bathroom. He didn't get out until 6:20. He said it's like his asshole is punking him. He said he shits and then he feels like he has another one coming. Benjy told him to try the Squatty Potty because it really helps. Sal said he may have to try that. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Richard about his bathroom etiquette. Richard said he was at an airport and a pilot came up to them and told them that they had better not jerk off on his plane. He said he must have heard them talking about it on the show. Richard said he doesn't do it every time. He said he did it that once when he was trying to calm himself down.
Gary said he was flying from Chicago back home and some guy recognized him at the desk. He said he got bumped up to first class. He said he started feeling sick that morning. He said about an hour into the flight he had to throw up. Gary said he was sitting next to a pilot who was on his way somewhere. Gary said he bolted up out of his chair and threw up in the bathroom. He sat down and he felt sick again. He said he was afraid the guy might think he was a terrorist. Gary said he was sweating like crazy and he was very nervous. He said about an hour later he bolted to the bathroom again. He said he figured he was going to get thrown off because they'd think he was a terrorist.
Benjy asked if he was afraid of that because of his looks. Gary said he did. He said when he's sitting there he is thinking about his looks. He said he was acting so suspicious that he was the definition of ''If you see something, say something.''
Jon asked Sal if he ever has those problems. Sal said Richard laughs every time because security pulls him aside and frisks him. Sal said the Iron Sheik can't even speak English but he goes right through security. He said they ask him to sit right down.
Gary said he will get pulled aside at the airport and anyone who looks anything like him will get pulled aside too.
Sal said he gets mistaken for being Indian sometimes. He said he goes to a bodega where they thought he was Indian and tried to give him a free coffee. He said he turned it down.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a pilot and he won't even shit on an airplane. He said he wants to get out of the bathroom as quick as he can. Sal said it's like a nice getaway to go in the bathroom. He said it's like a little spa to him. Richard said sometimes there's more room in there than there is in the seat. Jon said he feels confined in there. Sal said Jon would feel confined in a meat locker.
Sal said he was on a flight once and the floor had piss on it. He said there was toilet paper all over it too. He said he puts his shoes on when he goes. He said Richard goes to the bathroom with his socks on. He said Richard told him he had his socks on and it was fine. Richard said he doesn't eat with his feet. Sal said he stepped in piss though. Richard said it doesn't bother him.
Gary asked if they can start ranking the grossest bathrooms in the world. He said he thought it was a bathroom in an airport. He said he talked to Artie about this years ago. Gary said the grossest bathroom he's ever seen was the bathroom at Comic-Con. He said it was 80 percent men and 20 percent women. He said he went to pee and half the urinals had hairs all over them. He said at one point he had to pee and went to a restaurant instead.
Benjy said it's really gross when someone goes and doesn't flush and then people pile on top of it. Richard said he and his band mates did that once. He said 8 guys shit and it came out the top of the toilet. He said it was really gross.
Sal said he heard a story from Kirk Hammett about shitting in a bucket. He said everyone does that and they puke in it too. He said if someone passes out they pour it on them.
Gary said there was a time when someone was vandalizing the bathroom at K-Rock with shit. Benjy said it was really nasty. Gary said they were shitting on the walls there.
Jon said he went to a bathroom in Nebraska and there were flies all over and the smell made you want to hold it in.
Sal asked if Jon has ever gone on the side of a road. Jon said he hasn't. Sal said he had a friend who shit on the side of the road and a cop showed up. He said his friend used his sock to wipe and he had it stuck in his ass when the cop showed up. He said he told the cop that he was trying to change a tire but the cop asked why he had a sock sticking out of his ass.
Gary said they went to the Grand Canyon once and they had a hole to piss and shit in. He said it was the most horrible smell he's ever smelled.
Richard said he has worked in construction and they shit in the craziest places. Richard said they used to have pipes out in the open and guys would shit and piss in the pipes that they had to pull wire through. He said they'd put a vacuum cleaner on it and a turd came flying at his head. He said he started vomiting all over.
Sal said there are Japanese farmers who will shit in the fields to fertilize. He said that's pretty interesting. Richard asked if Sal ever shits in his garden. Sal said he hasn't.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that guys just have to whip it out and go to piss. She said they have to sit down. Jon said that women's bathrooms are usually like palaces compared to men's bathrooms. Gary told the caller that men have hairs all over the toilets. He asked if the caller has that. She said not usually. She said that they did some testing and found that the bathroom door is one of the dirtiest things there is. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't believe they glossed over this thing so quickly. He asked Richard how he steps in piss and just says ''Oh it'll dry.'' He asked if he thinks about that shit. Richard said he used to walk barefoot and step in dog poop all the time growing up. The caller said that's gross. He said it's not good to do that. Richard said it makes you tough and builds up your immune system. He said a little bit on your foot won't hurt. Richard said he thinks you have to be careful stepping in dog poop. He said you can get ringworm.
Jon asked if anyone there has ever done the mile high thing. None of the guys did. Jon went to each guy individually. Shuli said he worked at the airport in Las Vegas and he never banged on a flight but he did bang a chick in the airport. He said it was in a bathroom there. He said the chick was drunk when he was pushing her around. She had a broken ankle and missed her flight so she had to stay the whole night. He said she asked him to hang out with her and when she sobered up a little bit they banged.
Jon asked Benjy about the premiere of Sharknado 2 that he's going to tonight. Benjy told Jon what he'll be doing there and mentioned who will be at the premiere. He said he has a scene with Pepa from Salt and Pepa. Gary said she's a friend of his. Benjy said she's great. They spent a little more time on that and then Jon forgot that Shuli didn't get in his news headlines. He had him do that and then had the guys finish up their plugs. They were done around 11:10am.
Benjy said that there is going to be a flashback with him in the third Sharknado. Benjy didn't even see the part where his head got taken off. He said he doesn't want to spoil anything about the future though.
Benjy said he was so excited to be in the movie. He said it's stupid and fun. He said people are treating it like it's supposed to be something different. He said it's ridiculous and he's getting a lot of praise for it. Jon said he thought he was really good in it. Gary said the movie makes you laugh because it's so goofy.
Jon said Matt Lauer and Al Roker really stood out in it. He said they were really funny. He said that they're in the whole movie and Al made him laugh a few time. Steve Brandano said he got some laughs too.
Steve asked if Jon or Gary were asked to do the movie. They weren't. Steve said they had a lot of cameos in it and Gellman was even in it. Jon said maybe Benjy had some kind of rider in his contract saying no one else could be in it. Benjy said he didn't.
Jon said that he really appreciated the Mark McGrath line about jump the shark. Benjy said Mark tweeted out that he did that as a shout out to the show.
Gary said he did Hollywood Squares and he gets residual checks from that. He said Benjy might see those too. Benjy said he didn't even think about that. Gary said he's in SAG and he gets all of the screeners that are nominated for an Oscar. He said that it's a lot of money to join though. Gary said he gets his health insurance through them. He said that he gets his dental through there.
Benjy said he got the letter from SAG and he was so excited. He said he was told he could join at any time. Gary said that it's good to have it. He said that if you're not in SAG you have to join if you are going to be in a movie. Gary said he has always held on to the SAG card hoping that someone would hire him but no one has.
Steve asked Gary if he cashes the checks he gets in the mail from SAG. Gary said he does with some. He said some of them are like 48 cents and it cost them that much to mail it.
Benjy said he heard that they're going to be in 83 countries with the movie and he could get checks because of the airings all over the world. Jon said he's not sure how that works but he should look into joining.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hated Sharknado 2. He said he's shocked that Howard let him be in it. Benjy asked if he saw the first one. The caller didn't. Benjy said the movie is so fun and funny though. Jon said it's a bad movie but in a very good way. He said if you don't appreciate those kind of movies you won't like it. Gary said it's almost like an Ed Wood kind of thing. He said it's almost like it's being forced down your throat too.
Benjy said that he doesn't think that anyone could hate the movie. Gary said it's not worth it to him to hate it. Jon said sometimes people hate it just to hate it. Steve said he gets why people hate it but he got some laughs out of it too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Benjy how he got back on the Wrap Up Show. He said he was one of the dopes who thought that he was late yesterday. Jon said they got a lot of Tweets and emails about that. Jon said Benjy was banned for a while back then. Gary said he earned his way back. He said he stopped coming in late and he worked his way back on. Jon said he really appreciates Benjy being on the show and he's happy he's on. Benjy said that it's one of his favorite things in the world to communicate like that.
The caller asked if Benjy is keeping in touch with anyone from the movie. Benjy said he does with Pepa and he met Ian Ziering last night. He said he met Robert Klein last night but he made it kind of awkward. He said he was talking to Ian and he's Jewish. He said he was the hero of the movie and it was very exciting to him. Benjy said he was excited about it.
Gary said Benjy used to do the research for the show and he would come in once a week and he'd come in and tall them about someone being Jewish and he would get so excited. Benjy said he is excited about it but he puts it on a little bit too. Benjy said that Howard is too but he knows the audience doesn't care.
Benjy talked about going to camp as a kid and he loved going because everyone was Jewish. He said his family was like the only Jewish family in town.
Jon said the other thing about Benjy talking to Ian is that he had a shark head on his head. He said he put that on toward the end. Benjy said Ian is in really good shape too.
Benjy said he has met Chaz Palminteri before and he's friends with his sister. He said he realized that he was talking to him and mixed him up with Joey Pants.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the movie was horrible. He said that the best part about it was Al Roker and Matt Lauer. Benjy said they're writing more of the movies. He said it's fine to hate it but there are more coming and he's going to be in them. Jon said it was time for a break after that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she loved the movie last night and laughed her ass off. She said that the only problem is that she had to watch it on a smaller TV set. She said that they don't have SyFy on her regular cable. The woman asked who Benjy was in the movie. Jon told her who he played and she was mistaking Judah Friedlander for Benjy. Benjy said he played Sam the Prophet. The woman said she remembers that now. Benjy said the actress who helped him up was his niece. Benjy said his sister is friends with people at the production company.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Benjy has become the center of the Stern universe. He said a few months ago Howard hated him. He said he's not sure what's going on. Benjy said it has been a phenomenon. Gary said when Benjy shot the movie he thinks Howard was impressed. Jon said Howard loved it. He said Benjy was in the movie which aired last night so that's why they're talking about it now.
Gary said rerunning it all month long they'll be able to say 4 million people saw it even though it's like 40,000 people at a time. Jon said that he wants to see how it did in the ratings. Gary said he's sure they were good. He said you don't need a lot to be a hit on cable.
Gary said he's not sure Matt and Al wanted to be in the movie. He said he thinks that it started as an obligation. Jon said he agrees with Gary. He said that they had fun with Al and Matt at the Birthday Bash. He said Al keeps growing on him as a comedian too.
Gary said you have to Google Al Roker's son appearing on the Today show. He said it's very cute. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said that Mariann is very democratic about who she has in her box at AGT. He said she's very organized and she organizes the Wack Pack. Mariann said she's glad he appreciates that. Mariann said she had a bunch of Wack Pack there the other night. Jon said she tries to bring in a lot of fans. He said she does a good job with that. Gary said he's going to try to get there a few times this season.
Jon said they're not just blowing smoke. He said that she's really great at what she does. Gary said if High Pitch were to die in his apartment she would be the first to know.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell Benjy he loved the movie. He said he thought he was hilarious in it. The caller asked if they think Howard could get upset if Sharknado beat AGT in the ratings. Gary said he thinks he'd be more irritated if it was on a weekly basis and not just one time. Jon said they'll have their answer today about the ratings.
Benjy was telling the guys some of the cameos in the movie and Gary put a stop to that. Benjy said he had a funny thing happen last night. He said that he saw a black woman walk in and he yelled out ''Pepa!'' but it turned out it wasn't her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was one of the people who missed Benjy's scene when he walked his dog. He said it would be great if Benjy was nominated for his part. Gary said he could get that. He said that he's campaigned for people he likes. He said that he does take it seriously when he votes for the president of SAG though.
Jon said Lisa G is there with some news headlines. She ran through those quickly. Jon wrapped up the show after that. Benjy was plugging the movie people like crazy. They ended the show around 11:05am.
Jon went over what they replayed this morning and mentioned that Sharknado 2 got 4 million viewers the other night when it premiered. He said AGT had 12 million.
Jon said he wants to talk about Howard's thoughts on Howard naming Eddie Murphy the best comedian. He said without Richard Pryor he doesn't think Eddie would be where he is. Jon asked Will what he thinks about that. Will said he hasn't seen a lot of Richard Pryor stuff but what he did see was very funny.
Jon welcomed Richard to the show. Richard said he was back there and he didn't invite him in. Jon said he didn't see him there.
Jon asked who Richard's favorite comedian is. Richard said he thinks Steve Martin is his. He said that's all subjective. Richard mentioned Redd Foxx and how he may have inspired people like Eddie Murphy. He said you can't pick a best. Richard said someone may say that Ray Stevens is the best.
Jon said a lot of people like Jay Leno and Jerry Seinfeld too. He said that Howard feels it's Eddie Murphy and it's hard to argue with him. Richard said he was so young when he did those specials Howard played clips from.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Eddie is great but he think that most of what Howard was saying was based on just two of Eddie's albums. He said that you have to look at the big picture and see what else they did. He said he doesn't thinks he's anywhere near the best of all time.
Jon said everyone loved Eddie when he did his HBO special. He said that captured everyone's attention. Jon told Richard and Will that they should check out more of Richard Pryor's stuff.
Jon took a call from someone who said that George Carlin is his nominee. He said he was real bright. Jon said he was one of the more intellectual comedians. He said some people are rubbed the wrong way by Carlin. He said he thinks he's up on that list of all time greats though.
Richard said Carlin is so great at describing how crazy religion is. He said he could listen to that bit over and over.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Eddie is real good but Robin Williams is fantastic. He said that guys like Ralphie May and Katt Williams are good too. He said that he also wanted to say Fuck Benjy. Benjy said he could take that as a good thing or a bad thing.
Jon said that Robin Williams was a big deal too. Richard said he had his suspenders when he was growing up. Jon said Joan Rivers is another one who doesn't get her due. Jon said to stay on top of pop culture as you're getting older is tough. He said that Joan and Howard have done that very well.
Will said Rodney Dangerfield also had success when he was older. Benjy said it's about your mind and how it works. Richard said Rodney Dangerfield found so many comedians in his club too. He said his favorite album of all time was filmed at Dangerfield's. He said it was The Day the Laughter Died 2 with Dice Clay. He said that's his favorite.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he met Dice when he was like 10 or 11. He said he was in a restaurant. He said he smoked like crazy. The guy said he was the funniest guy he ever met. Jon said he was a phenomenon. He said that he may have fell victim to political correctness. He said that it's hard to keep that going for decades too.
Benjy said Dice could have a career the rest of his life doing stand up. He said he can make good money too. Shuli said it's tough to keep doing the same things over and over again though. He said working with Dice was one of the biggest highlights of his career. He said he knew that he was going to break his balls and he went into it knowing that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sam Kinison is one of the funniest guys ever. He said that some of his early work was him talking about Jesus the miracle caterer and stuff. He said he was really a genius.
Shuli asked for Jon's top 3. Jon said Richard Pryor would be in there. Jon said he'd also pick Chris Rock and probably Carlin. He said it would be in that order. Shuli said he approves of that.
Jon took a call from Jim in Raleigh who asked where Don Rickles goes in that conversation. Shuli said he's in his top 3. Jon said that's a good call from Jim.
Benjy said Dave Chappelle turns him on. Richard said he likes Cheech and Chong. He had a bunch of other ''favorites'' that the guys were making fun of him over.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Richard Pryor is the best by far. Another caller said Tim Conway and Harvey Kormam were great too. She said that was funny crap and it was clean. Richard said he met Tim Conway once and he signed his Dorf on Golf DVD for him. Richard said he liked him too. Jon said Harvey was underrated as well. They went to break after that.
Jon said they were talking about the Young Comedians specials that aired years ago. Richard said Scott Salem is one of his favorites too. That led to Shuli talking about how he did that Cleveland gig and how he wanted to open a show with his own material that someone wrote for him. Shuli said Scott went up and did terrible shit that night.
Jon said the anger in his comedy is hilarious. He said he was picking on everyone there. JD said that the audience was goofing on him too.
Jon said that a lot of the guys have tried comedy. He said that they can appreciate how tough it is. He said you need the material and you have to be able to work the crowd.
Benjy said Lenny Bruce was one of his favorites. He said he loved his material. He said he'd love to be able to do that.
Will said he did it about 9 or 10 times. He said that you're really only as good as your last time. He said that you do one good show and then you have a bad night and get crickets and you wonder why you're doing it.
Shuli said that when you're new to it you have to work your way up. He said he'll be waiting to go up and do a gig and then Louis C.K. shows up and it's great to be in the same room with them. He said you learn from them every time.
Will said if you look at stand up as a career it's depressing as hell. He said they do nothing all day long in some strange city and then they work at night.
JD said he has done the block parties but he's not a stand up. Jon said that Ronnie has a stage presence when he goes up. JD said there is a lot of silence at times. He said Ronnie just keeps on going though. He said Ronnie likes to do crowd work.
Richard said they should take Ronnie out to an open mic night and see what happens when people don't know them. Jon said they could do that with Scott too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they're forgetting Howie Mandel. Jon said his early stuff is so funny. He said that the caller is right. JD said he loves Gallagher too. Jon asked if he's laughing at him or with him. JD said he laughed with him. He said he's funny. Will said he would have thought that JD would hate him destroying food. JD said he likes Carrot Top too. Will said that's because there's food in his name.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that they're forgetting John Candy too. Jon said he was funny but he wasn't a stand up guy. Will said Mitch Hedberg was great too. Richard said he had a great line about people who hand you flyers on the street. He said it's like they're telling you ''Here, you throw this away.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that his son saw Richard in San Diego and he thought it was the most phenomenal concert. Richard told him to tell him thank you. The caller said his son is a prodigy and he plays a bunch of instruments very well. He also told the guys he went to a comedy show with his dad and it was Buddy Hackett and he was the raunchiest guy he's ever seen. Shuli said he met Buddy and he's an amazing guy. He said he's filthy on stage.
Shuli said that Buddy's son would use his dad's material when he did stand up. He said his dad didn't even want him using Sandy Hackett on stage because he had to build up his material first.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his favorite staffer is Richard. He said he's on his bucket list to have a beer with some day. Richard said it's getting near that time. He told him to let him know if he ever gets to New York. The caller said he should look him up if he's ever in Michigan. Richard said Michigan is one of his favorite states. Richard wasn't able to pick just one. He was afraid of offending someone in another state if he picked one.
Jon said Richard is so sweet. He said that when they were in San Diego they were doing a signing and as people went though the people lit up when they saw Richard. He said Richard would just write ''Beer!'' when he signed. Richard said it takes too long to do anything else. Jon said he could do ''You're My Favorite.'' He said that would be nice. They suggested he could just write ''YMF''. The guys talked about how they sign things and then went to break.
Benjy asked if JD has ever been in a fist fight. JD said he hasn't since he was a kid. He said that he hasn't been lately. JD said he remembers he didn't do very well. He asked if he has ever punched anyone in the face. JD said he doesn't think so.
Jon said Will has been in a few scraps. Will said he was in college. He said he used to get in a lot. Will said it was in a group of people and they'd drive around yelling at people to see if they'd fight. Will said that most of the time the other people were doing the punching. Will said he had a kid break his hand punching him in the face.
Jon asked Richard if he's ever been hit. Richard said he was hit with a PVC pipe when he got into something he had nothing to do with. That was in the mid 90s. He said a huge fight broke out and he was on the receiving end of a plastic pipe and he's not even sure where that came from.
Jon said the last fight he got into was in a hockey game. Jon said that he's like 6'5'' on skates and this kid kept hitting him during the game. Then he cross checked him and they got into it. Jon said the cool thing about that kind of fight is that you're sitting with the guy and talking again by the end of the game.
Jon asked if Jason has ever been in a scrap. Will said he knows he hasn't. He said that Jason was tucking his thumbs under his fingers when he was showing how he shadow boxes. Jon said he knows that Gary has been in a few fights. He said Fred boxes and trains in the ring. Richard said he was doing kick boxing and stuff and he had to stop because he kept getting injured.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has never been to Manhattan and Richard's neighbors must hate him for drumming. Richard said he has a rehearsal space not too far from where he lives. He said he had an electronic drum set and got complaints about that. He said he has a space to rehearse in now. Richard said he'd like to have a big house and be able to play in the basement at some point.
Jon asked what a good drum set costs. Richard said between $1,500 and $2,000. Richard said when he lived in Florida in the storage unit he would build up his set trying anything including beer bottles. He said he'd like to have a Neil Peart kind of set up with drums all around him. Jon asked how big his storage unit was. Richard said it was pretty big. He said no one cared too much about the noise there. He said there was a shooting range nearby too.
Jon asked JD where the craziest place he lived was. JD said that he lived in Winter Park for a while. He said that was kind of crazy. Richard said they were neighbors and they didn't even know it.
Jon asked Will where he lived that was crazy. Will said he and Jason moved in together and they lived in an area that was just nuts. He said go check out Borough Park to see a crazy place to live. Will said they bought Sanders the chicken that they used in the football picks while they were living there.
Jon said he knows Benjy has lived in a lot of crazy places. Benjy said he's lived in a mini storage place like Richard did. He said he got away with it and he doesn't know how. He said he could only afford a closet and he'd sleep with his legs out. He said he did get kicked out at times. Benjy said when he first went to Penn State he was in a dorm room and he found some lockers that he used. He said he'd sleep in the TV room and no one knew. He said he eventually got caught and the police took him in. He said someone in the admissions office liked him and they got him into a real program there.
Jon said everyone has a bizarre spot they lived in. He asked JD what he expected when he moved into the city. JD said he had no idea how expensive it was going to be and how small it was going to be. He said he had to adapt real quick or you won't survive there.
Benjy said he knew a guy, Mr. Yee, who could get him a place to stay if you called. He said he had a place in a basement and it was a room that was like 4x5 and it had a pipe in it. He said the walls would push back and forth too. He said there was a toilet right under the shower head. He said you could shit and take a shower at the same time. Benjy said that place is a massage parlor now.
Jon said they were going to wrap up. He let Benjy get in some plugs for Sharknado 2 which is airing on SyFy now. The rest of the guys got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:00am.