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Howard started the show talking about how exciting as he's playing Rob Zombie he's available eon the web on SiriusXM.com and HowardStern.com in the birthday bash video. Howard said today is the day. Howard said the video is available for free in its entirety. He said that you can see it on either site. He said you can hit play and watch the whole thing or watch any of the performances. He said you can share it with your friends too. He said it's very interactive. He said it appears that it works very well. Howard said they have so many stars in the show. Howard said people are happy that there's almost no Benjy in the video. Benjy asked if that is true. Howard said no. He said he's just making it fun.
Howard said Gary had a screening of the video at his house this weekend. He said fans have heard the birthday bash and didn't realize a lot of things. Howard said Gary's friends didn't know that Pat Monahan sang backup on some things. He said you get to see it all with the audience. He said you see all of the performances, David Letterman, Slash, Sarah Silverman and Natalie Maines doing their performance together. He said you get to see Jewel and so many others.
Howard said he gets these guys on Twitter saying he wears a wig. He said he's happy to take his money. Howard said the guy is a retard. He said he has a feeling he's not going to show up with a check. Howard said maybe he will. He said if he does he'll take that money and give it to charity. Gary told Howard the guy hung up. Howard said that's because he's a cunt.
Howard said they put up a trailer for the birthday bash. He said Twitter will make you mental. He said this is all free of charge. He said he though it would be great to give the audience something for free. He said they don't sell videos anymore. Howard said this show is so star studded. He said he heard from about 10 networks who wanted to buy it. Howard said it's a no brainer for these networks. Howard said that it wouldn't have been fair to people like Jimmy Kimmel and guys like that. Howard said he understands the complication. Howard said it can become a whole fucking nightmare with the musical performances.
Howard said he thought about it and decided to give it away for free. He said as soon as he announced it he had someone tweet him asking if he wasn't able to sell it to a network. Howard said they're just dicks out there. He said he figured if he gave something away for free they'd appreciate it. He said most people do but there are guys like that out there. He said there are guys out there who want to say he wears a wig. He said so what if he did. Howard said he doesn't and he'd feel weird wearing one. He said it seems to be a big thing with these guys. Howard said he doesn't know why it is. Howard said he's not sure why they've latched on to that. Howard said he knows they're high fiving each other out there. He said he knows he has enemies who are angry with him and he's not sure why that is.
Howard said they write that he wears a wig and they know it. Howard said he's not sure what to do with that. Howard said he'd admit it if he had one. Howard said he doesn't know what to do.
Howard said the Birthday Bash is available and it's free. He said that the angry thoughts are so rapid out there. Howard said as soon as he posted it there were people in 30 seconds waiting to bash him.
Howard asked Robin if she saw America's Got Talent last night. Robin said she did. She said she's never seen so many contortionists before. Howard said that they're replaying the show on Tuesday. He said they wanted to do that against ABC because they had a new show running. Howard said he's not sure why they'd do that but they did it. Howard said they must know what they're doing over there. Howard said he wrote to the producers and asked why they'd do that. Robin said it was one of the best audition shows. Howard said you can watch the show on HowardStern.com too. Howard said you have a lot to watch today. He said it's like a little broadcast network.
Howard said Sirius wanted to make sure that the video would stream without crashing so they did testing the past few months. Howard said the video is fantastic and it's working well. He said he commends them for doing a great job. Howard said people would have had a ton of complaints if it crashed. He said it should be available for a couple of weeks before they take it down.
Howard took a call from a guy, Jesse, who said he is watching the video now. He said he was high the night the show aired and he can't remember some of it. He said it's great to see it. He asked Howard to keep voting for someone on AGT to keep her hot mom on the show. Howard said there are hot moms on the show and that one is into yoga and looks hot.
Robin asked Howard about the begging he had to do with Mel B to save one of the acts. Howard said he did. He said they cut out some of the begging. He said those kids were really good and he's not sure what Mel was thinking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he shed a tear with that Sia interview last week. Howard said he felt the same way. He said that her performances were amazing. He said he got a lot of feedback about her and how people didn't know who she was or much about her. Howard said a lot of people just loved her so much. Howard said he heard from people in his personal life about that interview. He said everyone loved her. He read a couple of the notes he got about her.
Howard said one thing he loved that she did was bring in that demo of her coming up with the lyrics for Diamonds. Howard said that she has no lyrics and she just has a music track. Howard said she just hums some stuff and then the words just start coming out. Howard played some of that audio of her coming up with the lyrics. Howard said she said she didn't even know where diamonds in the sky came from. He said it was done on a shitty recording thing and it was over modulated. Howard said you have to be really uninhibited to do something like that. Howard said she's just making up nonsense. Robin said that's how Billy Joel was saying he works at times. Howard said Paul McCartney said that too.
Howard said he wishes he could do the radio show like that. Howard said now he might start doing that too. Howard said Robin will write some tracks and he'll come up with some lyrics and a tune. Howard said he doesn't think he could even do that. He played more of the Sia recording. He said he's going to cover that version of Diamonds. He said all of a sudden it turns into this... Then he played her performance of Diamonds from last week's show.
Howard said she has such an unusual voice. He said she has some accent that he can't describe. He said he sees where Rihanna came up with her's. Robin said they used her song Chandelier for that contortionist last night on AGT. Howard said he didn't know that song before she was in there. Howard said he put her songs on his iTunes and he replayed them like 100 times. He said he was like a mental patient replaying them over and over. Howard played some of her performance of ''Chandelier.''
Howard said that's a hard song to sing. He said he wants to hear Robin do that. Robin said she'll be with him in a few minutes. Howard said she's such a talent. Howard said he thought about her all weekend. He said he loved her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a luck mother fucker to be able to bring those recordings home. He said he's fascinated by her. He said Howard did a great interview and she came in prepared and ready to sing even though she was singing the night before. Howard said it was great. He loved the demo tape too. He said it was just a home run. The caller said he kept listening to it over and over. He said it was unbelievable. He said he's not sure that the album versions are going to live u to what she did in there. Howard said it was a raw moment and it really was great. He said he thinks she should put those out. Robin said it reminds her of that Dave Grohl moment when he did that song (Everlong) acoustically. Howard said you can check out his performance on the Birthday Bash. He said both songs were remarkable. Howard said he's so good at playing guitar. Howard said he has to look at the guitar when he plays.
Howard said she was in her dressing room and Wolfie was there covering it for them. Howard said he found this unusual. Howard played some audio of Wolfie asking her how she prepared for the fight. She said she didn't do anything to prepare. She said she wakes up and does what she has to do. She said Milf Mom is a fucking loser.
Howard said Tan Mom lost the fight in a brutal fight. Howard asked if she regrets not preparing. Tan Mom said Milf Mom didn't win. Howard said she did win and she kept knocking her stuff off. Tan Mom said it wasn't on right and she didn't win. Howard said she kept knocking it off. Tan Mom said Milf Mom got in some good punches but her gear kept falling off and they had to keep putting it back on. She said it was not on right. She said that Milf Mom had great punches though.
Howard said that Tan Mom said she would knock Milf Mom out in one punch. Tan Mom said she has to give it to Milf Mom for getting in some good punches but her gear was not on right.
Howard played another Wolfie clip where he asked her about drinking before the fight. She said it won't hurt. She said it would make it even quicker to drink. She said that she just wants to get it over with already. She said that she's going ''down, down, down'' like Bruce Springsteen sings.
Howard said maybe she should have skipped the beer. Tan Mom said it wouldn't have made it any different if she skipped it. Howard played another clip of someone else talking to her about her drinking. Tan Mom was saying that she's going to beat the shit out of this chick and it doesn't matter if she drinks.
Howard said he didn't know that she golfed. Tan Mom said that she does. She said that Milf Mom didn't win. She said that she wishes she had never gotten into this whole thing. She said there were so many lies involved in this whole thing. She said that she was lied to.
Howard said it's wild. He said after the fight she was very upset and she had to be escorted out by at least 3 bodyguards. Howard played a clip of her yelling at people. Tan Mom was screaming and saying she couldn't believe they let that happen to her. She was screaming at Milf Mom. Howard said that no one was bothering her. He said she's a danger to herself. Howard said she was so irritable.
Howard said Milf Mom was very confident after the fight. Howard played some audio of Wolfie asking her how it felt. She said that it felt great and now Tan Mom can taste that shit she's been giving her. Milf Mom said she didn't feel shit for her. She said she was glad she beat the shit out of her.
Howard said she's not a gracious winner. Tan Mom said that it doesn't affect her at all. She said this never should have happened. She said she wishes she would have fought Octomom. She said she was fighting a nobody. She said it's over with now and that's that. Howard thanked her for her comments. He said he's sorry for her loss. Tan Mom said it's fine. Tan Mom said she's going to the Hamptons where she belongs.
Howard said that he didn't feel that the fans were on her side. Howard played some audio of Wolfie talking to some people at the event. The fans were saying they didn't care if she died but we would have less things to laugh at.
Howard said Tan Mom used to have a lot of shitty things to say about Milf Mom. He said she can't say those things anymore. Howard said we all know what happened after that. Howard played more interviews that Wolfie did with fans.
Howard said Sal and Richard told Tan Mom that she offended a lot of people. He said they told her to say she was sorry to these people and recorded it. Howard played the audio of that. They had her talking about Hugh Jassole, Gabe Oy, Chubby Pecker, Anita Hardcock, Ima Hore, Harry Nutsack and others. Howard said that was the recap for the big fight.
Howard said he loved it. He said that he saw some of it and it was the most bizarre thing he's ever seen. Howard played a song parody with Tan Mom comments in it. Howard said he got up the next morning and searched the web for what happened but there was a blackout on it. Howard said he had to ask his guys for an update. Robin said she's shocked that she wasn't able to back up her boasts.
Howard said he wants to know what people are watching on the web site. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she pressed the link to watch but she's waiting. She said it's not working for her. Howard said it streams instantly when you hit play. Mariann said that she doesn't know what she's doing. Gary said he's not sure what she's doing. He said they don't have any complaints. Howard said you just hit play and it works. He said they made it idiot proof. Mariann said she hits the button and it doesn't work. Then it just started playing. Mariann said she's so bad at this stuff. She said it's amazing.
Howard let Mariann go and said that they made it idiot proof. He said that it just starts playing. He said they worked on this thing so it wouldn't be a problem. Howard said they have to go to break. Howard said they have a rap battle coming up between Jon Leiberman and Matisyahu. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said they're trying to hook up a piece of equipment for Matisyahu. Howard said that he has a beat box he wants to use. Howard said hi to Matisyahu and played one of his songs. Howard said that he has a bit of a raggae thing going with that song. Howard said that one is ''King without a Crown.'' Howard said he sings and raps. Matisyahu said that he does rap a little bit.
Howard asked how he nails that Jamaican thing. Matisyahu said that he spent a lot of time by himself as a kid. Howard said he never picked that up living in Roosevelt. Matisyahu said he used to live in Crown Heights. Howard said this song has a nice vibe.
Howard played some of his song ''One Day'' and said that's nice too. Howard said the reason they asked him in there is because he was up there doing something for another channel. He said Jon Leiberman heard him warming up and thought he was so much better than him. Howard said he just wants to shut Jon up again. Robin asked if he remembers that he can't rap. Howard said Jon says that he's going to retire again after this today. Matisyahu said that he could be tone deaf and still rap. Howard said no.
Howard asked what Matisyahu's name was when he was born. He said he was Matthew Paul Miller. He said he took on the Hebrew name later on. He said his parents were reconstructive Jews. He said they made reconstructed the religion to fit them. Matisyahu said that he started going to synagogues to learn more about where he came from. He said he was inspired by Bob Marley and people like that and he wanted to do some research and that's how he went about it.
Howard said he grew up in White Plains and then he went around following the band Phish around. Matisyahu said he did a lot of acid following them around. He said that'll fuck you up. He said he got into that and he loved it. He said that he still does it once in a while but not that often. Howard said it can turn you into a schizophrenic. Matisyahu said that he kind of likes that. He said it can be scary too though.
Howard said that Matisyahu went really into Judaism. He said he got into singing and people loved the music he was doing. Howard said he used to have a long beard but now he's shaved it off and he looks like any other Jew. Matisyahu said he started expanding and meeting other people who weren't from that community and he started to expand. He said that he's divorced now and he has 3 kids, all boys. Matisyahu said that he has his little one with him on the tour bus. Howard asked if he's on good terms with the ex. Matisyahu said they are.
Howard said it's time to get down to business. Howard told Jon Leiberman to get in there. Howard said that this is his rap enemy.
Jon said he is retiring officially today. He said he's going to perform his retirement rap today. Jon said that from the newsroom they could hear him doing his thing. Jon said off hand he said he could do better than that. He said Matisyahu is very good but Shuli took what he said and took it to the show. He said he is not the rapper he thought he was in college and his rap career is over as of today. Jon said you grow up and there are other things that he wants to pursue. Howard said he's bored with this. Jon said he has a home welcome for Matisyahu. Matisyahu said that he was going to give him a beat box for him. He said he has a looping device where he can loop his voice over and over. Jon said he could use that.
Howard asked Jon if he's taking a kick boxing class. Jon said he is. He said he's doing it for exercise. He said he's lost 20 pounds and his energy is up. He said it helps him focus. Jon said it's great because you can't use your phone for an hour while you're working out.
Howard said he wants to do this and asked Scott what he needs to do. Matisyahu is going to give Jon a beat and Jon is going to do a rap for him.
Matisyahu told Jon to start his thing and he'd come in with his beat box. Jon started to do his rap and Matisyahu came in with a beat. Howard said the beat was great. He was just making noise and Howard said he loves that shit. Matisyahu said people think it's easy until they try. Howard said that's called beat boxing. Howard said he's seen guys on America's Got Talent try to do that and it doesn't always work out.
Howard asked Jon if that was his rap. Jon said that was his welcome rap. He said now he's going to do his other rap. Robin said ''Jesus!'' Jon then went into his retirement rap. He did his thing and Matisyahu did his beat box thing again for him. Howard cut Jon off and said that was horrible. Howard said it's prepared and it's horrible. He said he has no musical ability. Matisyahu agreed. Howard asked Matisyahu to show them how it's done.
Jon asked if he wanted him to give him a beat. Matisyahu said no thanks. He tried to get his beat box thing to work and it didn't work. He said maybe they can just play his song. Howard said he'll do that. He played his song Surrender from his new album ''Akeda''. Howard said he'd buy this. Matisyahu said he has a CD for him. Howard said that's great so now he doesn't have to buy it.
Jon said he could get closer to that if he had the production that he has. Robin laughed and said no way that would happen. Matisyahu said Jon probably heard him doing some warm up exercises in the green room. He said that's what he does to warm up for the performances.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Matisyahu has changed a lot of people's lives. She was trying to tell Howard about something that he had no clue about so he hung up on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who mumbling something and they didn't understand what was going on. Howard said that Matisyahu's new album is called ''Akeda''. Howard said he's not sure what to say to Jon. Jon said he has retired. Robin said that's a good move. Jon said that Robin is really on him today. He said at one time he was good at rapping. Robin asked if he has any tapes. Jon said he doesn't but if any of his friends from college have tape he'd like them to send it in.
Howard said it sounds like Matisyahu's new album is very good. He said it's good he didn't lose to Jon. Jon said he'd like to hear some free styling from him. Matisyahu said he's not really a freestyle. He said he'd try to do something. He said it's a bit early to sing for him. He said that he's sorry about that. Howard said it's kind of counted as a Leiberman victory if he doesn't rap against him. Jon said he's retiring on top! Howard asked Jon what he's working on in the news. Jon said they have a lot of reaction to the Birthday Bash and they have some Big Foot updates and of course his Leiberman Live show at 4:45 this afternoon. He said they mix it up with the Wack Pack and they will be talking about defense spending today.
Jon asked Howard who won the rap battle today. Howard said Jon did because Matisyahu didn't rap. He said that he didn't want to embarrass himself today. Gary said he would like to put $1000 down saying that Jon will rap again on the show. Jon said he would put a thousand down on that. Howard gave Matisyahu another plug and said that everyone is calling in talking about how much they love him too. Howard rapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked Benjy how he's doing on his weight loss. Benjy said it's still a gamble. He said he has until July 21st to lose the rest of his weight. Howard said he heard he lost 20 pounds. Benjy said he has been weighing himself and he's probably lost 17-20. Howard said he has roughly 20 to go. Benjy said he wants to go beyond that. He said it's so much fun losing the weight. Howard said High Pitch Eric says he's not gay but he wants to finger his ass. Benjy said it's not gay at all. Howard said there must be a gay fantasy there. Howard said Benjy would know.
Howard said the Birthday Bash is available. He said it's all there in its entirety. Howard said seeing it now is great. He said they got a lot of great feedback about the Soundgarden concert they aired on Friday night. Howard said they will have an encore broadcast. Howard said they did their whole Superunknown album in the concert. He said it will re-air on July 4th at 2pm eastern on Howard 101.
Howard said a friend of the show has did. His name is Steve Rossi. Robin gasped and said ''No!'' Howard said he thinks Steve had cancer. He said they heard from his family that he passed away. Howard said Steve used to come on the show all the time in the 80s and 90s. Howard said he was part of the great comedy team Allen and Rossi. Howard said he loved watching them on the Ed Sullivan show. Howard said Steve was like the Dean Martin of Martin and Lewis. Howard said Steve would come on and he'd have big plans for him. He said he'd travel around with his chiropractor. Howard said he's very sad to learn that he has passed away.
Howard asked Gary how old Steve was. Gary said he had to pull that up. Howard said he wants to say 82. Gary confirmed he was 82. He had stage 4 cancer but they didn't say what type it was.
Gary said that Steve once came on the show and said he had a show in development with the people from Night Court but it turns out it was with the producers of People's Court.
Howard said that they had a very sad and happy weekend. Howard said they have 6 cats that they live with. He said in addition they have foster kittens. Howard said they have a blind cat and a cat with a heart condition. Howard said they love Yoda and he could die any day now. Howard said they have that whole drama going on. He said they have a bunch of cats living with them. Then they have 5 brother kittens that they got at a week or two old. He said the mother had died or never returned. Howard said they were raising them. Howard said so many fans wanted the kittens so they were all spoken for.
Howard said Yoda, who is male, became like a mother to the kittens. Howard said he's never seen anything like it. He said he sleeps with them and drags them back into the room with them. He said he's bonding with him and they treat him like a mother. Howard said he thought that maybe it was a mistake at first but if one kitten would leave the room he'd track them down and drag them back to the room to watch them. Howard said yesterday was the day they were bringing the kittens to their families. Howard said all 5 of them sleep on top of each other and on Yoda. Howard said they had to put them in the cage to bring them to their families. Howard said Yoda only has one left. Howard said the two were cuddling each other. Howard said he broke down and started crying over it. Howard said one black kitten started rubbing Yoda's head and it was the last interaction they had. Robin wondered what Yoda is thinking. Howard said he's not sure but it's clear they're all very attached.
Howard said they were going to keep all 5 but they have to make room for more. He said the kittens all love each other. Robin said it is sad when you break up a litter. Howard said they found some great families to adopt them. Howard said they raised these great kittens and the whole saying goodbye is so heart breaking. Howard said Beth says she's not sure she can keep doing this but she has to. He said they get euthanized if she doesn't do this. Howard said it's heart breaking. He said Robin has to go on his wife's Instagram and watch all of these videos she posts. Robin said she doesn't want to see that. It's too heart breaking. Howard said Yoda could die any day. He said Yoda threw up a little bit after the kittens went away. Howard said he cleaned it up and thought that was it for him. Howard said it's crazy. He said they should have video everything Yoda did with the kittens. Howard said it was unbelievable. Robin said she believes it.
Robin told Howard that he's inspiring people. She said her driver, Gene, went and saved some feral cats that were in his areas. Robin said they found people who took in the cats to get them ready for adoption.
Howard read some notes he got from some fans who adopted kittens. Howard read through one long letter from someone who adopted some kittens and said he likes hearing about that.
Howard said they're going to keep doing the foster thing. Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Birthday Bash is great and he's really enjoying it. Howard tanked the guy for the call after mentioning where it's available for free to watch. Howard said they put a lot of effort into that.
Howard said Beth suggested they show up in dress attire and then strip down. Howard said he thought about wearing a bathing suit and just show up. Howard said then Matt said they could dress up as waiters and crash it. Howard said this was going on throughout a 2 hour dinner. He said they were drinking, eating and doing all of this talk about it. Howard said Matt decided to find out what time the wedding was happening by texting Katie and congratulating her. Howard said they decided that Al Roker would just slow them down and they didn't invite him to get into it.
Howard said one of the producers from the Today show found out this was going on and told Matt that he was going to ruin her wedding. Howard said they got talked out of doing it. Howard said it was one of those moments that would have been classic but it just never happened. He said the ball was really running. He said they were going to buy GoPro cameras to put on their heads. Howard said he thinks the people at the Today show think he's a bad influence on Matt. Howard said he always gets these kooky ideas that they have to talk him out of.
Howard said he was going on the Today Show to be interviewed and he thought about having Beth and Annette in a bed to interview him. Howard said he always comes up with a weird idea for him.
Robin said she's not sure when they'd be crashing the wedding. Howard said that they were going to do it before the ceremony. Howard said he doesn't know what they were thinking. Howard said at one point it was during cocktail hour. He said then maybe no one would have cared. Howard said it wouldn't be as dramatic if they did it after the vows. Howard said they didn't do it so it doesn't matter.
Howard said he and Matt were talking about getting Al Roker to do it too. Howard said they decided that it wouldn't work. Howard said Matt was convinced they'd get stopped by security. Howard said that he thinks that security might think they were invited.
Howard said he went on the show and he didn't tell Jay that he was bringing some porn stars on with him. Howard said he was nervous going on and doing that. Howard said he was going to have two girls make out with each other. He knew it would be a ratings grabber. Howard said that he was still behind Lettermen in the ratings at the time. Howard said Jay was doing their show at the time so he thought he'd do Jay's show and do that for him. Howard said Jay got pissed and walked off his own show. He said he just sat there and said Jay can't walk off. Howard said Siskel and Ebert were on and they were flabbergasted. Howard said he thought about how the ratings were going to shoot through the roof. Howard said that night they pulled a 5.6. Howard said they doubled their ratings that night. Howard said the kicker to the story is that Jay was back stage fuming and going off on Gary about how everything with Stern is pussy, pussy, pussy. Howard said he didn't have to be such a dick. Howard said the ratings came out and they were through the roof. Howard said it turned out to be great and it wasn't offensive. Howard said it's no big deal by today's standards. Howard said Jay was upset that he'd never do this on Letterman and how he was direspecting him.
Howard said that Jay had him on again in a couple of weeks. Gary said Howard was not banned. Howard said in this book they revised history and said he was banned. Howard said he was on a couple of weeks later. Gary said he's not sure when he was on but he's pretty sure he was back on. Howard said he knows they were begging him to come back on just weeks after.
Gary said someone told him that Jay wanted to see him after the show. He said Jay came to him and said he would never do this to Dave. Then he said it was like he had Howard shitting on his living room rug. Gary said Jay was saying that Howard didn't respect him and it was all pussy, pussy, pussy with him. Howard said he isn't going to go on that show and be something he's not. He said that he didn't get famous not being dangerous. Gary said they did a bunch of weird edits and lied about one of the cameras breaking to keep people from seeing the shot of the girls making out. Howard said it was just people carrying on and commotion. He said it was finally commotion on a late night show.
Gary said they brought two girls to Howard's dressing room and Jay came to do a pre-show visit and they had to hide the girls in the shower stall. Howard said they had to ask them to stay quiet so they wouldn't ruin it. Howard said he hates it when people revise history like that. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and Robin said that Robin read about how Howard's first appearance on the Tonight Show was 1992 and his lesbian kiss episode was 1995 and his last appearance on the Tonight Show was in 2000. Robin said Howard decided not to do the show ever again. It wasn't them. Howard said it's a rewrite of history.
Howard said Perez Hilton is there. Howard said he has kept the weight off. Perez thanked Howard for inviting him to his birthday party. Howard said they didn't even get to talk to him that night. Perez said he felt like an F-lister that night. He said there were so many stars there. Howard said they kicked off the Super Bowl weekend with that show. Howard said a lot of people only heard it so they get to see it now. Howard said they put it all up for free and he thinks that's great.
Howard asked who was at his table. Perez said Richard Roeper was there. Howard said he didn't know that John McEnroe and Patty Smyth were there until he watched the video. Howard said he saw Rosie O'Donnell and Larry King exchanging phone numbers. Howard said Barbara Walters and Tracy Morgan were interacting too. He said he loves having that out there for the fans.
Howard said that anyone who thinks about having a birthday party show they should watch this. He said that nothing compares to that.
Perez said that Kim Kardashian had a huge party for her 1 year old who won't remember this. Howard said he can't believe it's a year old already. Perez said she poured money into this party. He said she had a Karaoke booth at the party. Howard said he knew people who would throw lavish parties for their young kids. He said it's over the top events. Perez said that he has a son now and all he did was have a few friends over for diner. He said he wanted to have a priest, a rabbi and someone from the Buddhist faith come over and bless him. He said he got a lot of no's from them. He said he found a reformed catholic guy come over and give some blessings. He said it was very nice. He said he had family come and they had a nice sheet cake there.
Howard said when Perez was a little kid, around 5 or 6 years old he popped a boner while wrestling in the mud. Perez said that he was fully nude wrestling. Perez said that the kid lived next door and something led to another and then they were naked. He said that some other kid told his parents what happened and his parents are super religious and super republican and all of that. He said once his parents found out they send him to a psychologist. Howard asked if they tried to convert him to not be gay. Perez said not overtly. He said the doctor found there wasn't anything wrong with him. He said they put him in Judo and Karate classes and he loved the outfits. He said then they put him in the Young Marines and he hated that. He said he had to do obstacle courses and all of that.
Howard asked if they tried to do the mind fucking thing or not. Perez said they didn't. He said that it was always understood that it was what it was. He said things were different back in the 90s. He said he loves the change and progress they've made. He said there's more to be made though. He said he had a discussion at dinner one night about what they would do if their 6 year old came to them saying they felt they were born in the wrong body. Perez said they all had different things to say about that. Perez said he's not sure what he would do but he would love his child no matter what.
Howard asked what he'll do if his kid says he wants to be a cat. Perez said he'd have to talk to him about what his fascination with cats is about. Howard said he should put him in Karate class and the Young Marines.
Howard asked Perez about being in Sharknado 2. Perez said he is in it. He said that he can't say if he was eaten or not. He said had to be a part of this movie though. Perez said it's going to be amazing. Howard said Benjy had to pretend to be eaten by the shark. Howard asked about how they do that whole thing. Perez said his scene was shot in the subway. Howard asked how a shark gets into the subway. Perez said they just fly. Howard said it's already unbelievable that they get picked up in a tornado. Howard asked how they get in the subway. Perez said that they must flood the subway or something.
Howard asked Perez about what it's like to be him. He said that Kim Kardashian can't invite him to her parties. Perez said she did invite him to one. Perez said he's living in New York now and people are much nicer to him there. He said he goes to some places and gets booed though. He said some gay people think he's a bad representation for gay people. He said that's okay. He said he's not trying to please everyone. Howard asked why he turns some people off. Perez said a lot of people might pretend they don't care about celebrity news. He said he loves what he does and he's grateful and lucky he gets to enjoy what he does for a living. Howard said he loves reading that stuff even though he knows a lot of it is bullshit. Howard said he read about Jennifer Aniston and her boyfriend fighting the whole time during their Christmas vacation. Howard said he was there in the house with them and they were madly in love. Howard said they weren't fighting. Howard said it was very calm and everyone was getting along just fine.
Howard said he read this article and there was no truth to it. Howard said that's why people are down on gossip. Perez said that's true. He said he's always mindful of where he reads something. He said that People magazine is pretty accurate. He said he worked for Star magazine for a few months when he was younger. He said he just sucked at his job. He said this was in 2004 to 2005. He said he made a lot of mistakes there. He said he was so unhappy there and he let his co-workers know. He said he had already started his blog by then. He said he was told not to quit. He said he was just unhappy there and he was doing the blog on the side. He said he wasn't doing a good job there. Perez said they asked him to go to the Mercer Hotel and try to get Russell Crow. He said he got kicked out and almost arrested doing that. Perez said he was doing things like that and then he got laid off. He said that was the best thing to happen to him. He said he got unemployment money and that's what helped him do the web site full time. He said if it wasn't for that it wouldn't have happened.
Howard said it's amazing how successful he's been. Howard said now he has a kid. Howard said if he doesn't write the web site it won't work. Perez said that he gets to do it all from home. He said he can have a son and work from home and do all of that. He said he gets to do more with the kid than he would with a real job. Perez said he doesn't sleep much though. Howard said he would think to write his web site must take a lot. Perez said he has 5 sites now and he has people working for him. He said he probably works most of the day but he can step away for an hour to do things with his son.
Howard said he heard he bought an apartment to fuck guys in. Perez said he didn't buy it. He said he's a renter. He said he's still trying to figure out where to buy. Howard said he must be rich. He must be a millionaire. Perez said that with everything he might be. He said he still has a place in L.A. that he isn't selling. He said he spends time out there. He said his mom doesn't like New York City so he may spend time in L.A. with his family.
Howard asked Perez about finding guys on Grindr and fucking them. Perez said he needed a place to bring the guys so that's why he has the apartment. He said that he has it to hold parties too. He said he heard about other guys doing things like this when they want to smoke weed or something. Howard asked if the guys know it's a fuck apartment. Perez said it was furnished already. He said that it looks like a home. Howard asked what's up with Grindr. Perez said that straight people have Tinder and he's on there too. Perez said that OK Cupid is what he prefers now. He said that he has Grindr on right now so people can find him. He said he's under his real name. Howard asked how many requests he gets to fuck him. Perez said that it's a turn off when someone says he wants to pound his hole. He said that he might like to see a cute picture or something. Perez said he's not into getting his hold pounded. He said he has done it but he hates doing things he sucks at or doesn't enjoy that much.
Perez said that he has met some nice people on Grindr. He said that he is open to having new friends. He said he'll take them out for coffee or green tea or something. Howard said he must be horny when he's on Grindr. Perez said not always. Howard asked if people lie about their looks on Grindr. Perez said not always. He said they look like their photos. Howard asked if he ever asks a guy to just come up and fuck his hole now or does he have to meet them. Perez said that it depends. He said he'll have a drink with someone and sometimes he'll have them come to his apartment. He said he's not just inviting random people over.
Howard asked what he wears when he answers the door. Perez said he'll butch it up a little bit. He said he dressed in camo shorts or something like that with a tank top. Perez said he will have the guy come in and he has music playing. Howard asked if he's looking for butch guys. Perez said he looks for Zac Efron types. He said he likes lean and athletic. Howard asked if Zac has ever shown up. Perez said he has met him but not in that way. He said that he did show up to one of his events once and he was high as a kite. He said that he is clean now so he thinks it's alright to talk about that. He said what he loved about it was that he was partying and he is a normal dude doing normal things. He said he's able to keep it under control and in check. He said that he doesn't judge.
Howard asked if he ever runs into anyone famous on Grindr. Perez said they're probably on there but they don't show their faces like he does.
Howard asked Perez about what he does when the guy comes over. Perez said they'll drink and talk and then it depends on the guy. Howard asked if it takes 15 minutes. Perez said it might. He said it could take 30 minutes. He said it depends on the vibe. He said whatever happens, happens.
Howard asked Perez if he puts a condom on when he blows the guy. Perez said no way. Howard asked if he's afraid of the herpes. Perez said that he gets tested often. He said he doesn't think you can get herpes unless there's something happening there. Robin said that's not the case. She said you can get infected. Perez said he uses condoms. He said he started taking this thing called Truvada. He said it's a pill that can keep you HIV negative. He said that he wants to be extra cautious so he does that. Perez said that this could help the spread of the disease. He said there are guys gay shaming other gays about taking that stuff. He said that everyone should be taking it if it can prevent you from getting HIV.
Howard said Lady Gaga was very upset with Perez when she was in there. Howard said she felt betrayed by him. Perez said he felt betrayed too. He said he keeps it super real and he thought they were more than friends. He said he used to call her his wife. Howard asked how close they were. Perez said he used to sleep on her bus. He traveled with her too. Howard said it sounds like a good deal. Perez said he's thankful that what happened actually happened. He said he learned a lesson from that. He said that he thought they were real friends. He said no matter how friendly he becomes he can never be real friends with them. He said there is still a level of how he has a job to do. He said there's a thing where they can feel they're using each other. He said it was the same with Katy Perry. He said she got to a point of fame where things got uncomfortable. Perez said it's not like they're not friends but they're not friends.
Perez said that he and Gaga were friends before she was even famous. He said that he heard ''Just Dance'' and he knew it was a gam changer. He said he was promoting her before anyone else was. He said that a lot of people say he was instrumental in making her career. He said he won't say that but other people do. Howard said if he finds someone he likes he's going to tweet about it. Perez said that the has a new album out called Pop Up No. 4. He said they're not making any money but he likes doing this stuff. He said it's his biggest passion in his life.
Howard said he just had Sia on the show. Perez is a huge fan of her's. Perez said he heard the interview and it was great. Perez said he loves sharing his favorites so that's why he puts out these albums.
Howard said Lady Gaga said she sat down with Perez for an interview and he came on aggressively and she felt uncomfortable and that was that. Perez said there is a lot of truth there but there's also a lot unexplained. He said that he found out a lot about her in that interview. Perez said this was back in 2011. He said he flew to Australia to interview her for some shows he was doing. He said they were cooking together. Perez said they had some wine and she was having Jameson. He said it was a very long interview. Perez said she got obliterated drunk. He said she was still functioning and he was just asking normal questions. He said the difference was that she was at the top of her game. He said that any other interviewer would have had to have submitted questions. Perez said that she's not at the top of her game right now though.
Perez said that he asked her two questions back to back. He said they weren't bad. He asked about her song Judas and the controversy over it. He said he asked if people were upset about it and hadn't even listened to the song. Howard said that sounds legitimate. Perez said that she didn't want to talk about that. Then he asked her about dating. Perez asked if dating Lady Gaga is hard. He brought up her boyfriend and she wasn't talking about it. He said that she got upset, stopped the interview and stormed off. He said he didn't think the questions were that bad. He said that she was a friend and she got upset about him asking about her boyfriend.
Howard asked if he has that footage. Perez said he doesn't own the rights. He said he would love for them to release it. He said he's still angry about the whole thing. He said they were friends since she was a nobody. He said she's very talented and ambitious. He said he feels used. He said it's like she was pretending to be his friend. He hasn't run into her since then.
Perez said he feels sad and hurt over this. He said that he was on the phone crying and talking to her. He said she felt he was trying to set her up. He said he assured her that he wouldn't air that footage. He said that he was her friend and he's a loyal person. He said that he thought she was a real friend. He said it was a mutual break up. He said he thought about it after and she became very mean after that. He said that her manager dropped her after that too. He said the manager called him to apologize after that.
Perez said he has no desire to make up with her now. He said he was friends with her and he was genuinely into that. He said that he'd like to sit down with her and let her know he wasn't out to get her that time.
Howard asked if he outed her about the girlfriend thing. Perez said he read it somewhere else. He said he blew it up when he posted it on his site.
Howard asked about Kesha and how she got upset with him over something. Perez said she is naked and she has cum on her chest and she was upset about him putting the photo out. He said he was the first person who was mainstream to put it out there. Howard asked who leaks these photos. Perez said that the boyfriends might do that. He said if you don't want any nudes to leak then don't take them.
Howard gave Perez a plug for his album which is on iTunes only. He said you can find out more on PerezHilton.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Perez is trash for doing what he odes and calling other people names. He said he just advocated for gay men to have unprotected sex. Perez said he did not. Perez said that this is one of those slut shaming guys he was talking about earlier. Howard said they'll probably meet and fuck on Grindr later.
Howard took a call from another guy who went off Perez for being a scumbag for what he does. Howard asked why he is any different than someone at People magazine doing what they do. Perez said that he's like a Joan Rivers or a Kathy Griffin. He said the more successful you are the more you're liked. The caller kept going off on Perez as he was talking. He called him names and then told Robin he loves her tits.
Benjy said he thinks that Perez is very fit. He said that they could do this at his fuck apartment. Howard said they can have them do this tomorrow. Howard said he doesn't think he can do it in the studio. He said ie should be okay. Gary said maybe they can just do it and figure it all out later. Benjy said Perez has said he has nice eyes before. He asked if he is attracted to him. Perez said he would do him after he lost more weight.
Howard asked Benjy if he wants to end it now and just do it. Benjy said he wants to do a counter offer. He said he wants to write it down though. Robin asked what he's doing. Robin told him to just write it. Benjy was dragging it out as usual.
Howard said Perez is up for it. Perez said he wants them to video it too. Howard said he wants him to do some soft kisses on the neck. Perez said he'll kiss him without tongue. He said he will do whatever Howard wants. Howard told him to work his way down past his balls and slip his finger in his asshole. Perez asked if he really doesn't want lube. Howard said Benjy does not want lube. Howard said he has to take as much time as he needs to do this. Howard said he can give him a good fingering for 3 or 4 minutes. Perez sounded fine with that.
Howard got the note from Benjy that had his counter offer. Howard just said ''Uh...'' Howard read it again and said he thinks Benjy is ready to do it. Howard said he doesn't think this is a big deal. Benjy said he'll spell it out a little better. Howard said that Elisa is involve with the show and he wants her to be on their internet thing. Benjy said she should have an official box on the web site. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said he's fine with it. Howard said he has to do the fingering thing and make out. Benjy said he's not kissing. Howard said he has to let him kiss his neck. Benjy said he just wants Elisa to be an official cast member on the show. Howard said he thinks that can be arranged. He said she is getting paid but he wants her to be able to say she works there. Howard said he's fine with that.
Perez asked which finger he can use. Howard suggested the middle. Perez asked how much he should stick in there. Howard said he has to go knuckle deep. Gary asked how long the finger remains. Howard said 3 minutes. Perez said he's not going to do it that long. He said he doesn't want him cumming. Benjy said he wants to do that. Perez sounded like he was going to throw up. Benjy said he won't try to cum then. Perez asked if he's going to jerk off. Benjy said he'll be facing away from him. Howard said this would be the greatest thing ever if he came. Perez said they went from fun and games to just ''Eww''. Howard said he won't jerk off. He said he could cum though. Perez asked where the lube is.
Howard asked if they can do it in there. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard asked Gary if he has someone he can ask. Howard said they can send Benjy over to his apartment tomorrow. Perez was fine with that. Benjy said that Howard has to make her an official part of the staff. Howard said he's fine with that. He said he'll make sure that happens.
Gary said he just got the word that they can't do it in there. He said they have to do it in his apartment. Gary said he'll get on cam with all three of them. He said they can do it live from the apartment. Howard said they should do it now and just let Benjy go back to eating. Benjy said he has to make sure that he has his demands met. Howard said they'll send them off to do this right now. Howard said Gary will go along with Benjy and Perez right now. Howard said he has to kiss him on the neck and then take his finger and put it in his ass.
Jim congratulated all of them. Benjy said Jim is one of his favorite callers. Benjy said he has fully showered since his last defecation. He said that he's very cleaned out. Howard said he wants Perez to get that finger really in there. Perez said he'll get his middle finger in there up to the knuckle.
Gary asked if Shuli can come over and watch. He wants to cover it. Howard said they need two microphones anyway so let Shuli go. Benjy asked if his girlfriend can be there. Howard said he doesn't want her there. Howard said he doesn't want any joking going on. Howard said he doesn't want him looking at a girl while this is going on. Perez was all for it and said ''Lets do it!'' Howard thanked him for doing it for the show.
Gary said Perez has gone from regular guest to hall of fame on the show. Perez said ''Oh my god!'' Howard gave Perez another plug for his album and sent them off to do their thing. Howard said that Perez has to psychologically prepare himself. Howard said they'll get Robin to start her news and then have Perez and Benjy do their thing. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he was talking to Benjy. He said he wanted to make sure that everything was going to work out. He said he is on his way to Perez's place to get fingered. Howard said he asked Benjy if he was sure. He said Benjy said he was. He just wanted to make sure that Elisa was recognized for writing for the show. Howard said Benjy is on his way to get fingered.
Ralph was listening and then he got a call and then 2 minutes later he tunes back in and hears that Benjy is getting fingered. Howard said that he wants to get it over with so he's doing it now. Fred said he figured that Benjy was going to lose the weight and this is his way of making this whole thing happen early. Howard said he's confused by this. He said he's so confused and he's not sure what to make of this. Howard said he has no idea what Benjy is doing. Howard said he would have had him do it there on the couch but they can't have penetration in the studio. Howard said he finds it fascinating that Perez doesn't want to kiss Benjy. He said he's gay but he's grossed out by Benjy.
Howard said he hopes Benjy shoots a big load all over Perez's apartment. Ralph was laughing. Howard said he's going to put him on hold until it happens. He said he's going to do news until then.
Howard put Ralph on hold and said he was telling Benjy what he can and can't do for Elisa. He said he made it very clear to him what he will do. Howard said that they will have her on the internal web site but he's not sure that it's good for him. He said if they break up then what happens. Robin said what will happen now is they'll break up. Howard said he asked Benjy if he really thought this through and he says he has. Howard said he wants this. Robin said Benjy has no idea what he's even talking about.
Howard had Ron Johnson the belcher on the phone and Ron said this show sounds very weird. Howard said it sounds even weirder than Ron does. Ron laughed and said it really does. Howard asked what he can do for him. Ron said he mentioned a ring tone last time he was on. He said it seems people really want it. He said he tried to set up a web site and it turned into a nightmare. He said one person tried to order it and it didn't work. Howard asked if he can pass along the information to the listeners. Ron said that this site wants him to link it to a bank account and things like that so he can't do it. Howard told Ron to let him know if he can help when he gets it all set up. Ron thanked him for that. Howard said maybe if anyone out there can help him they can put them in contact.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Benjy must really be in love with Elisa. He said that he's doing so much for her. Howard said asking for what he asked for isn't that big of a deal. Howard said it's not that much. Robin said that she thinks this is in lieu of something that she really wants. Mariann said maybe she's looking for a ring. Howard said he thinks that she's going to break up with him after this. Mariann said it would be very awkward at work after that.
Mariann said the Birthday Bash is great. She started to tell Howard she loves him and Howard hung up on her. Howard got in some plugs for the streaming video of the Birthday Bash.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what makes Benjy think he's not gay. Howard said he's not sure but he's in shock right now. The caller said he pictures Perez posting a picture of Benjy with cum all over his tits. Howard said it wouldn't surprised him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think Benjy is gay. Howard said maybe he's bi. Howard said this is a gay act and there's noting wrong with that. Howard said that he should just come out and say he's gay. Howard said he guarantees he might see him in Grindr. The caller said he's not on Grindr anymore. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took another call from Bobo who said that his head is going to explode from this show today. He said so much is going on. He also had a question about last night's AGT. He and Howard spent a few seconds on that. Howard said that Ron the belcher couldn't have picked a worse time to call in.
Howard picked up on Ralph again. Ralph said that he can't believe he brought up AGT with all of this other stuff going on. Howard went into a live commercial read after that. Howard put Ralph back on hold after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought Benjy was going to back out of this whole thing. He said he feels bad for Perez. Howard said Perez wants it too apparently.
Robin read a story about a radio guy who is out of a job after being arrested on sexual conduct charges. Robin said his name is John Balyo and he was working at a Christian radio station.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to please have strippers on the show tomorrow. He said he can't take this gay stuff. Howard said this is really happening. Robin said they've moved away from the strippers and this is what they do now. Howard said he has a sick feeling in his stomach. He said it's crazy.
Robin said Psy's new song ''Hangover'' is the number one song on YouTube. Howard said people just want to see it to see if it's as crazy as his last video. Howard said it's not though. He said no one is buying the song. Robin said it's not in the top 5 songs is it? Howard tried to find it but he said one of his co-workers is being fingered. Howard said Psy's song is at number 26 on the Billboard top 100. Howard said he had the number one song at one point.
Robin asked Howard if your dad is Sting and he's worth $306 million and he says he's going to spend it so his kids don't have it left over for them to be like an albatross around their neck. Howard said he thinks it's great if the kids work but it does seem an unusual stance. Howard said he thinks he'll leave them some money. He said it seems like the right thing to do. Robin said she thinks she'd be upset if her dad had that money and didn't leave it to her. Howard said maybe he's doing this so they think they're not getting any money and they'll work hard.
Robin read about Bowe Bergdahl and how he's continuing treatment but he's on an outpatient program. Robin said he's back in the States and he's no longer in a hospital but on a base somewhere. Robin said he will be exposed to more people as time goes on.
Robin read about Tracy Morgan being released from the hospital late last week. He's been sent to a rehab facility to continue his recovery. Howard said he's happy to hear that.
Robin read about how a senator from New York wants people to be able to register to vote online. Howard said he never remembers her name. He said that he finally knows it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he still can't figure this Benjy thing out. Howard asked why he would want to get fingered. Howard said the thing he wanted for his girlfriend he would have done for her anyway. He said she never asked him to do it before. Fred asked if she knows what Benjy is doing. Howard said he has no idea. Fred said he'd like to know if Benjy realizes how his life is going to change after this. Howard said Benjy may like it. Fred wondered if Elisa will be upset about the way she was certified. Howard said he's not sure she's thinking about that.
Howard asked if anyone wants to come in there and discuss this. Sal came in and said he's glad it's not him. Sal said in the 10 years he's been there his wife has never called him. He said she called him today asking if this was really happening.
Richard said that he had Sal on his taint and he thinks that Benjy is going to enjoy this. Sal said he has had this done and it's horrible. Howard asked if he's going to cum. Richard said he might.
Howard picked up on Gary and he was live from the bedroom. He sounded like he was in the studio. They had a great set up. Howard asked Perez if he can hear him. Perez could hear him. Ralph had to hang up because he wasn't hearing the audio.
Howard asked Benjy if he is nervous. Benjy said he is. Sal told Benjy that he's a homo now. Howard asked Benjy if Elisa knows what he's doing. Benjy said that she earned it and this is just a fun thing. He said that he wanted to invite some people up there but Gary didn't want to let it happen. Perez said that would be weird.
Howard asked how the apartment is. Benjy said it's a studio apartment that's not personalized much. He said the smoke alarm is hanging off the wall.
Richard asked if Perez knows how to milk the prostate. Perez said he is not doing that. He said this is to make history for the Stern Show. He said he's not going to milk it. Benjy said he said ''flaccid penis'' and Perez freaked out. He said that he might not be gay. Perez said he's not uptight, he's about to finger Benjy.
Howard asked Gary to give a play by play if he has it. Gary said they don't have headphones so they have a microphone for each of them and they can sort of hear the show. Howard told Gary to get the microphones in there.
Gary said Benjy is unzipping and that was unnerving. Perez had a glove on and he has lube on the side just in case. He said that he's prepared for that. Benjy said he feels sad. Perez told him not to say that as he's about to finger him. Howard said this is so weird.
Howard asked if Perez is kissing his neck. Gary said they haven't gotten there yet. Gary asked Benjy to get into the bed. Gary said he's actually at the end of the bed with his ass in the air. Howard said he wants Benjy on his back.
Benjy said he's not sure he can get into his ass if he's on his back. Howard said he wants him on his back with his ankles behind his back. Howard said he wasn't expecting an orgy. He said maybe Gary should remove himself.
Gary said that he's there and so is Jim with a microphone and Jason taking pictures. He said it really is like an orgy.
Perez told him to get to it. He told him to get on his back. Howard asked if he was kissing his neck. Perez said he's going to look into his eyes first. He said he has beautiful eyes. Howard said this is small talk. Perez said he wanted to get the necessities out of the way. He was going to start with the nipples and remove the shirt. Perez freaked when his nipples got hard. He said he had a nipple erection. Everyone was cracking up. Howard asked what Robin makes of this. Robin said she doesn't know. She asked if they should back out.
Howard told Perez to kiss his neck. Perez did that. He licked the back of his neck too. Then he pulled his pants off. Benjy had his hand over his balls and he was naked. Benjy said this is for Elisa Jordana. He said she's an official contributor to the show. Perez told Benjy what he was doing. He said he wasn't even looking. He said that he was going to stick it in and leave it in there. Benjy started screaming. Perez wasn't even in there yet. He was screaming like a girl. He told him not to do it hard. He told him to take it slow. Benjy screamed the whole time. Howard told him to take it out. He said he can't take it anymore. He told Gary to make him stop. Benjy said ''Harder!'' at one point. He said he was joking though.
Howard told Perez to stop. Benjy was still screaming. Howard asked where Gary was. Gary said he's there. Howard said he has to stop it. He said he can't take it. Howard said he's sick over this. He said he's had enough. Perez asked if he should add another finger. Howard said no.
Benjy said that he wants him to say what the deal was. Howard said they know the deal. Benjy said he has a hand in his ass, just say the deal! Perez still had his finger in Benjy's ass. He said that Howard told him to keep it in there for 3 minutes. Howard asked if he is erect. Benjy yelled at Gary to kiss him. Perez pulled his finger out.
Howard said he was going to throw up during that. Gary said Benjy is jumping up and down on the bed like he just won something. Howard said he needs a shower after that. Richard said he wants Perez to wipe the glove on Benjy's lip.
Howard asked Benjy how it was. Benjy said it hurt a little bit but it was more scary than anything. He said that Perez was good at what he was doing with the nipples and all of that. He said that his nipples are sensitive. Howard said that he was almost throwing up from that. Benjy said he sort of zoned out. Perez said he was into it and he thinks he could have stuck another finger in there. He said there was no messy moment when he took the finger out.
Richard asked if the glove smelled. Perez didn't smell it. Perez said he went all the way in to his knuckle on the middle finger.
Howard asked Sal what he thinks of this. Sal said he's speechless for the first time in his life. Howard said he was hoping this whole thing would just go away after Benjy lost his weight. Howard said he thinks that he didn't hate it. Benjy said it's not something he has any sexual desire for. He said it's painful physically. Benjy said that he has no desire for a man. He said he can handle it in there.
Howard said if he blows Perez he'll make Elisa the head writer. Perez screamed no at Benjy. Benjy said he can see how girls would get grossed out by him doing stuff like that to them. Howard asked if Benjy got aroused at all. Benjy said not his penis. He said maybe in his head he did.
Howard gave Perez another plugs for his album. Perez said he thinks this will go down as one of the best moments of his life. He said he wrapped up the glove for them if they want to sell it or keep it for a museum.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can imagine the headline ''Perez Plugs Stern Staffer'' tomorrow in the news.
Howard took a call from Maryann Garvey who said she would never put that in the paper. She said she thinks that Benjy fattened up for this assignment. She said if he wants to come out of the closet then why not just do it. Howard said he's woozy after this whole thing. He said he's not sure what to think.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he figured Benjy was going to weasel his way out of this whole thing. He said he has to congratulate him for going through with it. He said he has to give it to Perez too. Perez said 3 minutes is a really long time. Howard said he wanted him out of there after 30 seconds.
Benjy said he was scared. He said he thought Perez was going to lose control. Perez said he didn't go all the way in right away. He said he waited like a minute.
Howard asked Benjy if this is life changing. Benjy said that he's still the same guy. Howard asked Gary what it was like watching it. Gary said he had to lay on the bed to get the microphone right and it was just very odd.
Howard asked Shuli if he smelled ass. Shuli said he didn't but Benjy has one of the most horrendous bodies he's ever seen. Perez said he's in fairly good shape. He said he thinks his life is changed after this and he may be straight. Perez said he was trying to look into his eyes during the fingering. He said he didn't see his dick much since he did such a good job of covering it up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is radio history and he can't believe he's on the Stern Show. Howard let him go and took another call from Bobo who said this crossed the line into gay land. He said that he thinks Benjy is gay because no one would do this for a woman.
King of All Blacks called in and said Benjy should question Elisa if she's okay with this. Howard took another call from a guy who said that this is the craziest thing ever.
Benjy asked if they have any prizes for them. Perez said he thinks just being on the show is a prize for him.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks about this. Fred said hats off to Benjy. Perez said he should propose to Elisa right now.
Ralph called in again and said he has never been a fan of Perez but he's like his new favorite person. He said that he's calling bullshit on Benjy's over acting. Howard said he gets that. Perez said that was real.
Gary said there was a moment when Benjy had fear on his face. Then he settled in for the last 90 seconds. He said he thinks that he may have liked it. Benjy said he is pleased about the deal they made for Elisa Jordana. Perez even asked how many more times he's going to mention her name. Benjy asked how long his finger was in his ass.
Benjy said that he was afraid that he was going to lose control of his finger at some point. Howard said he thinks that Benjy thought things were going to get violent.
Ralph asked how that hole felt. Perez said it felt uncomfortable. He said he wasn't very relaxed. He said he felt bad for him. He said then he relaxed and he wanted to stick a second one in.
Gary said there was a weird moment when Benjy was screaming and he thought someone was going to call the police. Howard said not in New York. Howard said it was weird when he wasn't able to get Gary to respond to him. Sal said he was probably jerking off. Howard said he thought he had passed out.
Howard asked the guys to get Elisa on the phone so he can find out what she's thinking about all of this. Howard thanked Perez Hilton and everyone else who was over there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounded like it was in a hospital room and Benjy was giving birth with Perez as the doctor. He said he pictures Gary holding Benjy's hand. Perez said it was exactly like that.
Howard said he doesn't know where Elisa is. Howard asked Will if he tried to get her. Will said he's working on it. Howard said he's kind of spent and it's late in the day. Robin told Benjy to go home. Howard said he can go brag to Elisa what he did for her.
Mariann from Brooklyn wondered how Yucko is going to feel about this. Robin said that Richard is jealous of all of this. Richard said he's happy for Benjy. He said it's fun to sit back and watch someone getting all the attention.
Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. Robin said this is like the last game of the world series. Howard asked Benjy if he feels let down. Benjy said it's not as great as he expected. Sal told him to try again. Perez said he feels that they all need a cigarette. Howard told Perez to get back to his kid. Perez said he will wash his hands first. Howard said this is the promise of satellite radio. Fred said ''No more bullshit.''
Howard said Elisa called in. Howard picked up on her and asked how she feels. Elisa said she's really excited. She said it was awesome to hear. She said she hope he enjoyed it somewhat. She said she's not sure if he did. Benjy said he liked doing it for Elisa because of what she got out of it. Perez said this is very weird now. He said he just fingered him and who cares if he liked it. He said this is just fucking weird now. He said he feels real dirty now. Elisa said she expected him to get more into it. She thanked Perez for doing it for him. She said she has tried to do it to him before and he never wanted it. Elisa said he just says no. Howard said he must only like it when a guy is doing it.
Gary said Benjy is doing this entire interview in his blazer and boxer shorts. Benjy said he has a bidet there. Howard said he might want to use that. Howard asked how much lube he used. Perez said he used some but he was in so much pain that he poured more on. Benjy said he has more respect for gay people because of what's going on there.
Howard had Yucko the Clown on the phone. Yucko said he wanted to do it. He said he was ready to go so deep up that ass. He said he got a manicure done to prepare his fingers.
Howard had King of All Blacks back on the phone and he asked Elisa why she's not upset that he did that. Elisa said it was a guy so she can't be upset. King said he doesn't get it. Elisa said it's very sweet that it was for her. She said she thinks he was curious and he wanted to do it. King asked if he would do anything for her to get a job. Howard said she already had a job. He said he thinks that she's right about how he wanted to give it a try.
Elisa asked what happened to him proposing to her. Benjy wasn't going to do that. Perez told him to do it. Benjy said he would rather have it be special and private between them. Perez asked Elisa if she wants him to stick another finger in there and have him propose. Elisa told him to finger him until he proposes.
Howard took a call from Balls who said this was epic. He said he thinks they should have a show every week where Benjy gets fingered.
Howard thanked Elisa for calling in and let her go. Howard thanked everyone else for being a part of that. Howard said that it was no big deal to Benjy. He said it was just another day in the park. Howard said he was upset and almost threw up. Howard said tomorrow they'll have Neil Patrick Harris in to give Fred a rim job.
Sal said he finds it odd that a guy will take a finger up his ass but not propose to his girlfriend. Howard said maybe Sal should have done the same thing. Sal said he should have had a bulldozer up there. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Robin if she had any news she had to get out. Robin said they're not listening to her about Iraq and they are sending troops in. Robin said that it's getting bad over there.
Robin read about Tony Gwynn dying and how he was a tobacco chewer. Robin said that a player is giving it up because of that.
Robin gave a quick world cup update and ended her news. Howard said he's still thrown off by this whole thing. He said he's wondering what JD makes of this whole thing. He had him come in. JD came in and said he could listen to Benjy scream at any time in his life. He said it was great. JD congratulated them.
Howard asked Jon Hein what he thinks of all of this. Scott came in and said that Jon just went down to the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he will probably have plenty to say on there. Howard said that they went above and beyond today. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:55am.
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Jon said that he thinks Benjy was going to lose the weight and the fingering wouldn't have happened. He said he agrees with JD that this was going to happen either way. He said that Howard asked what he thought of that. He said he has to give Benjy a ton of credit. He said he thought he was going to pull some BS and something wasn't right but he went through with it and screamed and reacted. Jon said Benjy put up or sucked in. JD said he took in. Jon said he has earned a place in Stern show lore. He said that he thinks he's mentioned his girlfriend's name a few too many times. He said that hurts the value of what he did. He said once or twice is good but 30 might be too many. Jon said hopefully they'll get them back in there at some point.
Leiberman said that now Benjy doesn't have to go through the weight loss and he got something for his girlfriend. Leiberman asked if Jon thought he was really going to lose that weight. Jon said he really did. He said he's halfway there and he has a month left to do it.
JD said he thinks Benjy would have lost the weight. He said he is a wrestler and he knows how to lose it fast. He said that he thinks he knows how to do it.
Leiberman said he had no leverage either. He said this was his play to get something he wanted and he didn't have to lose the weight either.
Jon said Benjy now has to deal with people bringing this up. He said he thinks Benjy will wear it as a badge of honor. JD agreed. He said Benjy accepts anything weird. He said he'll put it on Twitter as his description. Leiberman said that's how Benjy thinks. He said everything he does is shtick.
Jon said the great thing about the Scott Salem thing was the talk up. He said this act has now been done on Benjy. He said that's why you have to tip your hat to the guy. He said Howard's reaction was great too. He said he wanted to go with it but then he got a weird feeling about it while Gary was doing the play by play. Leiberman said hearing that scream really threw him off. He asked Gary if he has PTSD after that. Gary had just shown up. Gary said he didn't touch anything there. He said that he didn't even pick up the glove that Perez wore.
Jon asked Gary if he was more traumatized than Benjy was. Gary said it was weird on a thousand levels. He said he had a job to do. He had to get the best sound he could. He said that he was on the bed holding the headphones to his ear. He said it was very strange. He said he expected someone to knock on the door after Benjy screamed. He said that he almost covered his mouth at one point. JD cracked up when he said that.
Gary said Benjy had his t-shirt and blazer on the whole time. He said his legs went in the air and Perez almost had his legs over his shoulders and he was doing it to him.
Jon asked if there was anything sexual about it. Gary said Benjy was screaming so loud. He said he eventually settled in. He said he thinks that he just got what it was going to be and he figured he could last 90 more seconds.
Gary said Benjy was being Benjy the whole way there. He said he had a street musician pack up and bring his saxophone along. He said he had to tell him not to come up. He said that the guy started yelling at them. Gary said Benjy was lagging behind and he was on his phone the whole time. He said he thought he might tap out at some point. Jon said Howard thought that might happen too. Gary said he and Benjy should have come up with a safe word. He said he kept an eye on Benjy and he would have stopped it if he felt it should be stopped. Jon asked if he will be able to sleep tonight. Gary said sure he will be able to sleep. He said he's not sure about Benjy though.
Jon said that Benjy mentioned Elisa's name a lot today. He asked if it gets annoying at some point. Gary said Shuli had a great line about that being even gayer than the act. Shuli said that whole thing had nothing to do with the original pitch. Jon said that's what Leiberman said earlier. He said that this was a way to have his girlfriend shine.
Gary said he saw him with a finger in his ass so at the end of the day that's that matters. Jon asked if he thinks Benjy will use it as a badge of honor. Gary said he might. Jason said at the end of the day he had Perez Hilton's finger in his ass. He said in 5 years no one will remember this Elisa thing. He said they'll just remember the finger in Benjy's ass for 3 minutes.
Gary said the apartment was kind of dark and they had to shut the air conditioning off so they could hear. He said Benjy was on his back and Perez was on top of him. He said Shuli was on the other side of the bed. He said it was an odd scene with all of the guys in there. Jon said the scene there was odd too. He said Richard and Sal were in the studio and they were in the studio for the whole thing. He said Richard said he was a little jealous too.
Jason said he just pulled up a picture on the camera to prove to the guys that it's real if they don't believe it. Gary said he swears on his life that it was real. JD wanted to take a look. JD saw it and started cracking up. Leiberman said he wanted to take a look too. JD said that Jason got right in there. Gary said Perez took that jar of lube right out and he got them all set up. He said he made it happen. Jon said that his excitement really pushed it to happen.
Jason said no one knew what to do after the whole thing happened. Gary said that Benjy asked for a little time alone with Perez. Gary said he wasn't sure if he was kidding or not. He said he was because he came along with them. Jon said that he willingly took the finger in his ass. Gary said that Benjy wanted to lose the weight and he wanted to do this thing to scare him into it. Gary said that rape is not on his palate though. He said that's not something that would be up for discussion. Jon said that they all thought he was going to lose the weight based on the track he was on. He said he's not sure he used it as a punishment.
Jason said he has a theory about this. He said that a lot of guys will pitch something in their writer's meeting and they never think that anyone who has their own punishment should get that. He said that they obviously want something. He said Benjy must have wanted this in some way. They had to take a break after that.
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Jon took a call from a woman who said that Elisa's reaction to the whole thing was weird. She said that Benjy kind of took his proposal back too. Gary said the thing that was lost for him was that Elisa never thanked him for doing that. He said she just said ''yeah...'' Shuli said she should have reacted like she won a contest or something.
Gary said he felt she didn't understand the gravity of the whole thing. Shuli was about to say something but he held back. He said he wasn't going to say anything.
Leiberman said Benjy has done everything that Elisa has asked him to do before. He said that would explain why she didn't react in a big way. He said she just expects him to do stuff like this. Shuli said maybe he's still continuing in that mode where he's trying to impress her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he can't stand Benjy. He said that he's an attention whore and he'll do anything and everything to get air time. He said that Howard has done nothing different than what Benjy has done. He said he thinks that Benjy is going to lose the weight and he's going to make a bigger story out of that.
Jon said he doesn't think this is the same as going to a doctor. He said it's on the show and they have a bunch of guys in the room. Jon said that they've gotten the exam but that only lasts a few seconds. He said this was 3 minutes long. Gary said you go to the doctor so you don't die. He said this wasn't for the same reason.
Gary told Jon to pick up on Ralph because he's making a good point. Ralph said every once in a while they go off site and maybe they should do it at his apartment every time. Gary said it is close so maybe they can. Ralph said this is completely bizarre. He said that he doesn't think he's gay though. He said if he was gay he's not going to have Perez Hilton stick a finger up his ass.
Gary said he thinks this is the attention Benjy wants. He said Benjy has a way of disassociating it. He said that he doesn't seem to be worried about this whole thing. Ralph said he didn't know that he pitched this as a rape. He said if that's the case then he really might be gay.
Jon said that this couldn't have gone any better. He said it just starts and the momentum keeps going and the next thing you know they're at Perez Hilton's apartment fingering Benjy. Gary said they have had moments like this in the past where he ends up at someone's apartment. He said that this is the best way it could have happened. He said it just happened organically. Shuli said Gary was so excited about it. He said Gary told him that these are the best moments in the world.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Elisa only said that she was thankful and didn't say that she was in love. He said she never says that. He said it didn't sound sincere to him.
Gary asked where Benjy is now. No one knew. Jon said he wants to give Scott Salem some credit today. He said sometimes the audio falls apart but it worked out well today. Gary said that's because Jim McClure put it together. Gary said it wasn't a screw you to Scott but it was Jim who put it together.
Leiberman said that he thinks that Scott had some trouble with Matisyahu's set up today. Jon said he just had to get around to that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Benjy had to throw in Elisa today. He said he calls bullshit on the fingering thing. Gary said he's not sure where Benjy was with the weight loss. He said it could have been a tight call. He said he could get something out of it today and he has the next month to eat like he wants. The caller said he thinks Benjy wanted a star to do it and that's why he jumped on it today. Gary said it all came together today. Jon said that he agrees that he wanted a big name.
Leiberman asked if this gives Perez an exclusive in the future. The caller said he thinks that Perez was trying to get some information for his web site. Gary said Howard has talked about that vacation before. He doesn't think there's much to add to that.
Jon told the caller that he just won $500 and an Xbox One. The caller thanked him very much for that. Shuli said that's the reaction Elisa should have had. They went to break after that.
Jon said that it's time to talk to Jon Leiberman. Shuli said that they're out of time so thanks for coming in. Jon congratulated him on his victory today. Leiberman said he won. He said a win is a win no matter what.
Jon said many people think that his retirement isn't real. He said that he can keep doing it and he sounded better with Matisyahu doing the beat box behind him. Leiberman said that he can compliment him. He'll take it.
Leiberman said this is his retirement and he's thought long and hard about it. He said that Gary put $1000 on it. He said he really can't come out of retirement. He said he's over being embarrassed doing that kind of thing. He said if he's going to do that then it's going to be for something different.
Jon said Leiberman seemed more relaxed today. Leiberman said he was. He said that he wrote some stuff and he was prepared. He said he had it in his head that he wasn't going to get out of control either.
Gary said that Jon uses the phrase ''whoo hoo'' every time in his rap. Shuli said he thought it was a catch phrase. Leiberman said that it rhymed with Matisyahu so he used it. He also said that he wanted to be prepared today so he wrote some stuff after doing some research on Matisyahu. He said that he wanted to work some stuff in there and defuse him with his knowledge of him. He said he was shocked they never did get to the rap battle.
Jon asked Leiberman if he was bothered when Robin brought up that thing and got right to him. Leiberman said that it's the Robin jabs that drive you nuts. Jon said that she said he doesn't have musical ability. Leiberman said that he doesn't think he does. He said he used to be able to rap but he can't do it anymore. He said he's tired of trying to rekindle that too.
Jon asked Leiberman what got him going with that whole thing. Leiberman said that he heard him rehearsing and he didn't know who he was at first. He said he thought that he wast' that good and then Shuli told him it was Matisyahu. He said that's where it all came from.
Jon asked if Leiberman can beat box. Leiberman said he can't. He said he was surprised that he brought in that contraption he had. He said he didn't think it was going to be a fair battle. Jon said he was going to record a beat and then do the rap over it. He said he had some difficulty with the loop machine and that's why he didn't rap. Leiberman said that he thinks rap isn't really his thing. He said he thinks he does more singing and raggae than rap.
Jon asked if Leiberman is influenced by raggae. Leiberman said he's not. He said that he's more into other rappers. He likes Slick Rick and guys like that. He did a little rap from Slick Rick. He said he's a fan of Jazzy Jeff and Run DMC and guys like that. Leiberman said he knows rap from back in the day. He said he's not into it these days though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Leiberman would have one final rap battle against Sal. Leiberman said he's done. He said he's not going to do that again. He said that Sal is the best he's had head to head experience with.
Jon asked if it hurts to retire. Leiberman said that it's the right thing to do. He said he wants to focus on other things professionally and personally. He said its just not worth it to keep trying to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary had a bet with Jon saying that he would never rap again but he just did it. Gary said that's right. Leiberman said that he thinks he said he would never do it in the studio with Howard. Jon said he thinks that means that Leiberman is out a grand.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Elisa should have given Gary a thank you for being there and witnessing the whole thing. She said that she was also shocked at Howard's reaction to the whole thing. She said that he had a strange reaction to it.
Jon had Leiberman give his Howard 100 News preview and then had the guys get in their plugs. They ended the show around 11:50am.
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Howard started the show talking about how many guests they had coming in today. He said they have the hoopla of the Benjy and Perez Hilton thing going on. Robin asked if he was there. Howard said he's there but he's hiding in shame.
Howard said Adam Levine is coming in today. Howard said Melissa McCarthy is also coming in for the first time. Howard said he's excited about that. He said he has to get right to it today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he stayed up the whole night watching the birthday show. Howard said he likes the way it's formatted. He said that the format is good because you can watch the whole thing or go to various moments in the show. He said he went to Jon Bon Jovi's performance and watched that. He said a couple of people didn't know that Pat Monahan was singing with Jon. Howard said there were a bunch of great performances there. The caller asked if Slash gave him his guitar. Howard said he gave him a guitar but not the one he was playing. He said he does cherish that though. He said it was a great gift.
Howard took a call from Pete in Pittsburgh who said that yesterday was unbelievable radio. He asked if he thinks he took advantage of him yesterday. Howard asked Benjy if he regrets what he did. Benjy said he does. Howard said he doesn't feel any guilt over that. He said Benjy dreamt it up and he wanted to be anally entered by a man's penis. He said he talked him into doing the finger. Benjy said he would have won the bet. He said he can have some regrets. He said he has mixed feelings about it.
Pete said he looks at Benjy like he's gay now. Howard said he does too. Howard said he looked at the pictures and it's the funniest thing ever. He said it's wild. He said that Perez has the glove on and Gary looks like he's in a threesome with them. Benjy said his face was close to him and he thought it would be funny if he started making out with him. Pete said Gary was mesmerized by it. He said he's obviously gay.
Gary said he couldn't hear Howard yelling for him. He said Benjy was screaming so loud. He said that Benjy did grab him by the back of the head like he wanted to kiss him. He said he pushed back and said he wasn't going to be part of his pranks. Howard said he was hoping that he'd cum and spray Gary accidentally.
Howard said Natalie Maines told him that he should have that glove put in gold. Howard said that's a great idea. Gary asked Benjy if he took the glove. Benjy said he has it.
Benjy asked if they gave Perez the gloves. Gary said they did. He said they came fresh out of a box. Benjy said he didn't know.
Pete said Benjy is going to be remembered for being finger blasted by the gayest of the gays, Perez Hilton. Howard said they got a great Perez impression from one of their comedian friends. Howard played the clip and said he's not sure the guy wants his name mentioned. In the clip the guy was doing his Perez impression and it was very close to sounding like Perez. The guy was calling Benjy his little piggy boy.
Pete asked how jealous Sal and Richard were yesterday. Howard said they were and they wouldn't even praise Benjy.
Howard moved on to Mariann from Brooklyn who said she can't stop thinking about this. She asked how sore his ass is. Benjy said all day yesterday he could feel it. Howard asked how long she felt it after her anal. Robin said it's about 24 hours.
Mariann said she doesn't think there has been a bigger moment than this on Sirius. Howard said he wanted that moment over yesterday. He said people were writing in and telling him it's the greatest moment ever. He said he listened back and when he screamed it was very funny. Howard said he wants the guys to pull that clip for him.
Howard said he has to get better people to do play by ply. Howard said it should have been handled like a golf match. Mariann said that TMZ covered it. Howard said he knows. He said that they had to call it a prostate exam on national TV. Howard said you don't get the real feeling of what was going on. Howard said even the TMZ guys were wondering what the big deal was. Howard said for 3 minutes Perez Hilton was digging for gold in Benjy's asshole. Robin said Perez said that Benjy was so tight he had to go for more lube and then Benjy relaxed into it.
Benjy said that he was going to lose the weight and he was pissed that TMZ said that he wasn't going to. Howard said what he saw was a glove disappearing into Benjy's ass. He said he's holding his balls and dick in his hand and he looks like a woman. Howard said Benjy wasn't that open so Perez had to dig through the folds.
Mariann said he didn't even have any alcohol. Gary came in and said that Benjy took his pants and underwear off but he kept his blazer on and his hat on. Howard asked if he felt like cumming at all. Benjy said no.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Perez moved his finger when he was inside him. Benjy said he did and he was very scared. Howard said he must trust Perez now. Benjy said he's still fearful. He said that he thought he was going to have fun with it and go hard with it. Howard said he was nervous about that too. Howard said he showed restraint though.
Howard said if he had to take or give in prison he thinks he'd rather give. He said he's not sure he could take it.
Howard asked Jason for the three pictures of Benjy that he said weren't so hard core. Howard said he wants them printed out. Howard said this was like a professional handling this. He said he's glad they got a gay guy to do it. Howard said if Yucko did it he may not have known how to handle it. Howard said the scene was very strange. He said he had Gary on the bed with him with these other guys around him. Howard was laughing as he was describing this. He said that Perez was really deep in there too. He said you can't see his hand. Howard said he had the glove on and that's all you can see. He said it was real penetration.
Benjy said he knew he was going in but then all of a sudden it was just in there. He said he had no countdown at all. Howard said he heard that he didn't have any doody on his finger. Benjy said he had cleaned up earlier.
Howard got the clip of Benjy screaming when the finger when in. He replayed that and cracked up as he was listening back.
After the clip Howard said that's only a sound you can make when you have a finger in your ass. Howard said he has a picture of him getting his breasts tickled. Robin came out of her booth to look at it. She said it looks like the Three stooges doing something. She was cracking up. Howard showed Robin another picture and Robin was cracking up at that too. Robin said that looks like Benjy is delivering a baby and Perez is going in for the baby. Everyone was cracking up at the pictures.
Howard said Benjy did lose weight. He said you can read the label on Perez's jeans. He said they probably want to burn the picture.
Howard asked if he has pooped since then. Benjy said that he had an incredible poop after that. He said it did seem unusual. He said it was a great one. He said he has had girls start to do that to him but he doesn't want it. He said that he always stops them.
The caller said the funny thing was Howard saying he didn't like that. Benjy said he appreciated Robin telling people to stop. Robin said she didn't know what was happening to him but it didn't sound like it should continue.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this will boost Perez's career or will he be kicked off the internet. Howard said he can't be kicked off. Howard said he thinks it will only be helpful to him. Howard said the weird thing is that Benjy digs that it was a famous guy. Robin said he did say he wanted someone famous. Howard said it did make it more fun. Howard asked if he had sex with his girlfriend last night. Benjy said they did fool around. He said that he did come to completion. Benjy said he's always very appreciative of how she looks and feels and he was extra appreciative last night.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he watched the Birthday Bash last night and it streamed perfectly the whole night. He said he called yesterday and they couldn't hear him. He said someone was talking to him and he wasn't able to pick up. Howard said that's fine.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that there have been moments on the show where guys do things to define their roles on the show. He mentioned things that Gary, Sal, Richard, Fred and Robin have done on the show. He said that Richard and Fred are the only ones who have financially profited. He said that Benjy didn't profit from it. Benjy said he's going to write a book called the Finger Butt Diet Plan. The caller said he has so much respect for what he did. He said he thought he was going to find a loop hole to get out of it but he kept his word. He said he likes the Benjy vortex and he has so much respect for him now.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what he was so worried about that he wanted to stop it. Howard said he was hoping that Perez wasn't ramming his finger too hard in there. Howard said he really likes Benjy and he didn't want him to get injured. Robin said she thought he might get hurt wiggling around to get away from it. Howard said he would have screamed just as loud as Benjy. He said he knows he does that when he gets the finger in there at the Doctor's office.
Howard played another question which was ''How many planets are in our solar system?'' Howard said he'll take 8 or 9. Howard played her answer which was ''9.'' Howard said they asked how many days are in a non leap year, year. Howard said she must know that. Howard played her answer which was ''364''.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said Jimmy Kimmel was great in the Birthday Bash. Howard said he had some great jokes and he kept the show moving.
Howard said that he has a phony phone call the guys made to some tech show. Howard said he calls in about extreme anal. Howard played the call and the guys were talking about web sites on this tech show. Then they take a call and Gary asked if they have been hearing about Extreme Anal. They had Gary explaining what it is and they had him asking when the last time was that they pumped off. The hosts said they get that with the internet. He said people just have stupid comments to make. They said they don't screen the show so they get weird calls. They took another call and they had Gary asking if all inputs were available on them. They wrapped up the show after that.
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Howard came back and said they have Adam Levine and Melissa McCarthy coming in today. He took a call from a guy who said he wants to dress up as the glove that went in Benjy for the Howard Stern convention. Howard said they have to get that going. He said that's a great costume idea.
The caller asked if he saved the glove. Howard said he did and he mentioned earlier that Natalie Maines had a great comment about dipping it in gold. Howard said maybe they'll bedazzle it with jewels. Robin said they could make it like a Michael Jackson glove.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she had to go through some tunnels while all of this was going on. She said she hates Benjy and thinks he's revolting but that was the funniest thing she's heard. Howard said revolting is just one word that people use to describe Benjy. Robin said that he's never broken through with women before.
Howard asked Gary where all of the Baba Booey mentions are. He said he has to play those before the guests come in. JD told him where they were. Robin asked if it's happening in the women's tournaments or just the men's? Howard said that he's not sure about that.
Howard said that this Gogo harder guy was mentioned in one of the golf yells. Howard played that one and you could hear someone yelling out that name pretty clear. Howard said he has a clip from the Mike and Mike show where they asked a golfer about the Baba Booey thing. The golfer said he's a big Howard Stern guy so it doesn't bother him. He said he enjoys it actually. Howard said that's Keegan Bradley actually.
Howard played a Baba Booey shout out from a FOX program. Howard played the clip and they went to a live shot at a game and someone did a Baba Booey shout out.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said NBC is number 1 after 10 years. He said AGT is the number one show in the summer. Howard said the audience has really responded this year. He said he thinks it has to do with the tremendous talent this season. Howard said he has theories on this. He said that he thinks the show needed to go through a period of time that showed he was serious about judging. Howard said he thinks that there has been an effort on the show to encourage comedians and acts like that. Howard said he encourages magic acts and bands too. Howard said now it's paying off.
Howard said the talent has been great and the people who work on the show have done a great job of editing. He said the show this year looks better than it's ever looked according to some people he's spoken to. Howard said they have it down to a science. Tommy said he thinks it's all Howard. Robin said she thinks that he gives it a credibility. Howard said he thinks that's his major contribution. Howard said it used to be very hokey but now it's very cool to be on the show.
Robin said there was a guy who was kind of out there and Howie loved him. Howard was the one saying it was ridiculous. Howard said that guy wasn't good at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Birthday Bash was great. Howard asked the guy if he could get off the phone he's on. The caller said he was in the bathroom. The caller said Adam Levine's guitar was all worn out and he could tell how much he plays that thing. Howard said the Birthday Bash is available for free to watch now. He said he had no idea what kind of guitar player Adam was. He said he sang Purple Rain and he was shocked at the level of his guitar playing. He said when you see it it's just incredible. Howard said you'll see it if you watch. Howard said that guy has put in thousands of hours of practice. Howard said what posses him off is that he's so good looking. Howard said that's just not fair.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the greatest moment in show history is. Howard said he can't pick from the choices he gave him. The Benjy fingering was the newest moment. Howard said that Gary brought in his love tape and Scott did his push up challenge. Howard said that they are the original reality show and shit just unfolds. He said that they had no idea that Benjy and Perez were going to do that yesterday. It just unfolded on the show.
Howard said this woman Sia came in the other day and that was a highlight for him. He said he has had so many great moments on the show. Robin asked how long they're going to talk about Benjy getting the finger. Howard said they'll be doing that forever. Howard said it'll come up when he's arguing with people. He said it's just one of those things that they'll never stop talking about. Howard said it's like Ronnie getting a gum job. He said that won't go away. He said it's all going to happen. Howard said the Benjy Fingering will go down in show history.
Robin said they spent hours and hours talking about Gary's love tape. Robin said nothing has been to that degree. Howard said that the show was great yesterday. He said he wonders who is getting fingered today. Howard said Gary or Fred would be great. Fred said he's past those years. Howard said Benjy is the only guy in show history who kissed Anna Nikolai Smith and got fingered by Perez Hilton. Robin said this must top the list. Howard said yes, by far. Howard said that he may be wishful thinking but if he could get fingered by Adam Levine today that would be great. Howard asked if he would do it again. Benjy asked if they can do it again. Howard said absolutely. Howard said Benjy has sought attention so many times and he finally got it. Howard said he should have gotten fingered earlier.
Howard said Benjy was fingered by a blue hand. Howard said that was some fingering. He said Benjy wanted everyone tested so he asked Perez what 2 plus 2 was and he said 4 so he figured he was tested just fine.
Robin said the one thing she missed was the making out. Howard said he bets that Benjy ate like a pig last night. Howard said he pictures him with a cock in his ass and hamburgers and all of that going on. He said that was something. He said Perez Hilton is a celebrity so he did get his wish to have a celebrity finger him. Howard said on the ride up in the elevator this morning he got fingered by 5 maintenance guys.
Howard asked Benjy if he got in touch with Perez yesterday. Benjy said they went to a red carpet event with him yesterday and walked that with him. Howard said it's like they're dating. Benjy said he thinks that he was surprised that he actually showed up at the event.
Robin asked what happens when this wears off. Howard said he thinks Benjy will go out and eat 4 people. He said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Adam Levine is sitting there. Howard said he's got guitar player James Valentine with him. Adam asked if they're late. Howard said he is late and they have a schedule to stick to. He was fine with that though.
Howard said that Adam is getting married and she must be in shock. Howard said he is a bit of a ladies man. Howard said he falls in love with ladies and who doesn't? Howard asked what made him decide to stop the party. Adam said there were many things. He said at the end of the day he just knew. He said it was as simple as that. He said nothing else mattered in the world. He said this is what he wanted and he loves this person very much. He said that you just know. He said sometimes things just click and it's right there. Howard said he must have gotten it all out of his system. Adam said he trusts this woman with his life. He said the second he met her he knew he was going to marry her. Howard asked if he asked her to move in right away. Adam said it wasn't like that.
Adam said he had just gotten out of a relationship when he met her. He said that he was free and he wanted to be single for a while. Then he met this person at this point and it wasn't supposed to happen. Howard said he admired how he was handling single life. Adam said to a certain point he was. He said you get to a point in your life and then this happens. He said he always talks to Howard about stuff that he doesn't want to talk about. He said he's a mother fucker.
Adam said he's 35 now and he's thinking about shit he never thought he would think about. Howard heard a voice from somewhere and he asked what's going on there. He said he was going to kill someone.
Adam said he thinks about wanting a family and things like that. He said you're madly in love with someone and you don't want to screw it up.
Howard asked if he had to go to therapy for sex addiction or anything. Adam said he's not a sex addict. He said an addict has to fuck someone right now. He said he's not like that. Howard said he thinks it's more about being alone. Adam said he hates being alone. Howard asked if he has to have someone in the house with him when he's brooding. Adam said he hates being alone. Howard said maybe he will be a good husband. He said he might be attentive to his wife because he wants to be around her. Adam said he lives his life to extremes. He said he's really good at the big shit and he can't do things halfway.
Howard asked if he asked her dad for her hand in marriage. Adam said he called because they're in Africa. He said it was really gnarly. He said they're very traditional. He said he never thought he'd be in that position. Howard said if he were his father he'd be curious if he's going to be in a committed relationship. Adam said he can't fault them for feeling that way.
Howard said rock star marriages don't usually last long. Howard said it must be scary for the family to thin about that. Adam said it's all scary.
Howard asked if he's invited to the wedding. Adam said he knew he wouldn't come so he didn't invite him. He said he didn't want him to be freaked out by the whole thing either.
Adam thanked Howard for the painting he sent him. He said it was his fiancee's birthday and Howard was talking about some painting of Namibia that he did and his fiancee is from there so he asked for it. Howard said that her name is Behati. He thought it was Beyonce but Adam said it does sound a little bit like that.
Howard asked Adam if he's ever going to meet this woman. Adam said he has had women on the show and it's a curse. He said that they don't sit on Howard's couch anymore. He said he won't lose his fiancee over this show.
Howard said that Adam's career is going really well. Howard said his song ''Moves Like Jagger'' was a huge hit. Adam said he has a funny story about that song. He said they had a single out at the time and it wasn't doing well at all. He said this was their third record. They were doing fine but they were kind of coasting. He said they wanted to put out this song. He said they had never collaborated with other bands before. Adam said these guys had this song and no one would touch it. He said that no one wanted the song. Adam said they changed some of the words to the song but the ''moves like Jagger'' thing was still there. He said he knew the song was going to be a smash hit. Adam said he was on The Voice for the first season and he got a ride home with Mark Burnett one night. He said he talked to Mark about the song and played it for him. He said Mark really loved the song. He said that they did the song on The Voice and the label didn't know about it. He said he knew the song would either be a big hit or they'd get in trouble with the label. He said they threw the dice down and it was such a gamble. He said the label flipped out on them. He said no one was rooting for this song. He said the band and the manager were rooting for it. He said most of the band was anyway. He said the second the song was on TV it took off. He said it shot up to number 1 on iTunes.
Howard said Christina Aguilera's career was kind of dead too. Adam said they both needed a kick in the pants like that to get shit going. Howard said he would think why not try it. Adam said he talked to Christina about doing the song and she did it and it worked. Adam said she is the best singer. He said he was blown away by what she did on the record. Howard said it's not like he's in love with her but they had their stuff going on the show. Adam said they did. He said it wasn't as bad as everyone said. He said he can't talk about that on the air though. He told Howard to come to his wedding and he'll tell him about it. Howard said he will come then.
Howard asked Adam what he's doing about a pre-nup. Adam said he doesn't even want to talk about that. Howard said he won't allow him not to have one. He said he has to have one. Adam said it's love though. He said we should rip up all contracts. Adam said he doesn't want to talk about this pre-nuptial agreement. Howard said it's a part of life.
Howard asked who is invited to the wedding. Adam said he just talks a lot and he thanks Howard for moving off of that subject.
Howard said that Adam got in trouble for saying something and he shouldn't have. Howard said he talked about the fact that he went out and called his ex-girlfriends about his upcoming marriage. Howard asked why he dyed his hair blonde. Adam said he was bored. He said it's back to normal now. He said Howard sounds like his father. Howard asked James what he thought of the hair. James said it worked out because they're talking about it now.
Howard said Adam recently said he called his ex-girlfriends. Adam said he didn't actually do that. He said he has no idea how that rumor got started. Howard asked how that gets started. Adam said he has no idea. He said it sounds like a fantastic idea though. He said he didn't do it.
Howard asked if Adam tries to be friends with women. Adam said he can't do that. He said he's not sure how anyone does that with an ex. He said it's kind of emasculating in some way. Howard asked if he would get upset if his girlfriend was calling ex's and doing that. Adam said he's fine with her going out once a year with someone she was with. He said if they're still close that would bother him.
Howard said that Adam was talking about The Voice and how he's kind of bummed that they haven't had a big star come out of the show. Howard said they took that as a criticism. Adam said that is the truth and he stands by that. He said that's very hard to do. He said the quote wasn't very balanced. He said they took that one snippet. He said he thinks the networks don't like that kind of negative attention. He said that the show isn't lame. He said he thinks it's great. Adam said he thinks they didn't want him making them look weak. Howard said the show is a big game changer for the network. Howard said that they must be looking for him to do something wrong.
Howard said that Gwen Stefani is going to be on the show next season. Adam said they just shot the auditions and they worked together already. He said it's the best TV they have ever made. Pharrell Williams will also be on the show judging. James said that he has been listening to the show and he heard the Pharrell interview and it was great. Howard said this guy is a brilliant guy. He said that Pharrell knows what he's talking about. Howard said Gwen has had a massive career too. Howard asked if he was surprised she did it. Adam said it's the greatest thing ever. He said that he had talked to them about those two specifically and he never thought they'd do it.
Adam said he's a huge fan of Gwen's and he kind of superfan'd out on her on the show. He said he told her that he grew up going to No Doubt shows when he was a kid.
Howard asked Adam about what it's going to be like when he's 5 years into his marriage and he wants other chicks. Howard asked how long his longest relationship was. Adam said it was about 2 years. He said it wasn't because he was sick of the sex. It was a million other things. He said a man is attracted to thousands of women. He said that will never change. He said it's not the same for him but you have to make that decision in your life to sacrifice all of that for someone. Howard said the going will get rough and he will weather the storm. Adam said he doesn't like to quit. He said there is no such thing as certainty. He said he has the intention of being with her the rest of his life. Howard asked how many men his fiancee has been with. Adam said he doesn't want to know and he won't ask.
Howard said Adam is in a new movie called ''Begin Again.'' Howard said he plays a rock star in it. Adam said he plays a guy going through a lot of shit like he did maybe 10 years ago. He said he has a girl and he gets famous and screws his relationship up. He said that's what has happened to him too. He said he was able to access those things that he did in his own life. Adam said that he has done it all and he's screwed up many times. He said that this is what goes on in the movie. Howard said the new movie is opening on Friday. Adam said Howard will like it. Howard said Keira Knightley is in it. Mark Ruffalo is in it too. Adam said it's a real movie with real talented actors in it. Adam said he was shocked he was asked to be in it. He said the director did the movie ''Once'' and he loved that. He said the music in that movie was great and the song in it won an Oscar.
Howard asked if he was nervous on set. Adam said he was completely unprepared. He said he got advice from people about learning his lines. He said he didn't have time to get ready. Adam said he had to pretend he knew how to act. He said Keira is hard core and she knows what she's doing. He said all of his scenes are with her. He said on the first day he had to wear a beard on his face and it was just so hot out. He said the beard was falling off. He said he looked like a Hasidic Jew and he was trying to act for the first time. He said his face wasn't even moving right. He said he introduced himself to Keira and said he didn't know how to act. He said it all worked out though.
Howard said that Adam and James are going to do a song that's in the new movie. Adam said this is the first time they're doing it.
Howard asked if he has seen his performance on the Birthday Bash. Adam said he hasn't yet. He said that he thought that he was crazy to do ''Purple Rain'' on that show. He said that you have to have an attitude to do that song. He said he had his guitar and he was off stage trying to learn the solo. He said he had to do it that night back stage. He said he was trying this and that with the guitar. He said he was learning the solo while they were wishing him happy birthday. Howard said he encourages everyone to check out that performance from the Birthday Bash.
Howard said this song Adam and James are doing is called ''Lost Stars.'' Howard asked if he wrote the song. Adam said he did not. He said he wishes he did. Howard asked to hear the song. Adam and James went right into it.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said he likes that song. Howard said that was good guitar playing from James. James said Howard could play that. Howard said he will play with them.
Howard said the song was beautiful. He said that Sia was just in there the other day. He said that Sia said she wrote one of the songs. Adam said she did. Howard said that she said that Adam changed the song but she liked what he did with it. Adam said she is a genius. He said that people throw that word around a lot but he really things she's brilliant. He said he's happy Howard had her on the show. He said he was blown away by the song. He said he and Gwen Stefani did the song together. He said that Sia and Gwen are both brilliant. He said that when a girl writes a song it has a different angle. Adam said he conveyed to her that some of the lyrics would sound weird coming from him. He said that he asked to change them because he had to have a different perspective. Adam said he just tweaked it a little bit.
Howard said Adam was listed on Lindsay Lohan's sex list. Adam said that is not true. He said he did not have sex with her. Howard said no one will admit they did. He said James Franco denied it too. Adam said he did not have sexual intercourse with Lindsay Lohan.
Howard asked if anyone did. Adam said maybe they did but he doesn't know. Howard said they're a lot of fun to have in there. Howard gave Adam a plug for the movie. Howard said it opens on Friday. He said there's a soundtrack and the song they just played is on the soundtrack. Howard told him to come back in September when his new CD is out. Howard told him to come back in with Sia and Gwen and perform the song.
Robin asked Adam if he wanted to finger Benjy. Adam said ''Fucking eww to all of that.'' He said that he would lose 400 pounds just to make sure it wouldn't happen to him. He said that's just so gross. He congratulated Benjy on that.
Howard said that Melissa McCarthy is coming in next. Adam said he wants to meet her. Howard said he can see her out in the hall. Adam said that Howard has to meet his future wife. He said she's a great person. Howard said he wants to meet her. Howard let them go after that.
Howard came back and said that Melissa McCarthy is coming in. Howard said that he's excited to meet her. Howard said she's having some career. Howard said he loves hearing someone's success story. Howard said she's very famous. Howard said it's good to see a very famous person. Howard said she's a big movie star.
Howard said he loves talking to people who are successful. Howard said people think it comes overnight but that's not the case. Howard said that it was a real struggle for her. Melissa said she started at 20 doing stand up. She said she used to wait on Robin at a club. She said she never said anything to Robin. She said she just left her alone. She said that she was like ''Oh my god Robin is out there'' in the back room.
Howard asked where she grew up. Melissa said she grew up in Illinois. Melissa said that she was in a barn talking to herself out there. Howard asked if she knew she'd be famous some day. Melissa said that she would sneak and watch SNL when her parents didn't know. She said she loved what they were doing. She said Gilda Radner and Lorraine Newman were her favorites. She said they didn't care what they were doing. Howard said she has Dan Aykroyd in her new movie so that must be mind blowing. She said it is. Melissa said that Dan would tell stories in the car while they were filming and it was freaking her out.
Howard asked if she gets nervous around people like that. Melissa said she totally does. She said that she's always thinking about that. Melissa said she's wondering if other people are staring at her when she's coming up with ideas. She said that she must look like a jackass to someone like Dan.
Howard said Melissa and her husband wrote this movie. Howard said she's also doing a movie with Bill Murray. Melissa said he's so brilliant. She said he's a very mystical guy and he really cares. She said he didn't say anything but he was very focused on the work. She said seeing the care he put into it was cool. She said he really cared about it.
Howard asked if she was freaked out by Bill because he's so quickly. Melissa said the first day she was meeting him she was having a heart attack. She said to meet anyone like that is still a big deal to her. Melissa said she had to try to be cool and not mention quotes from movies or anything. She said Bill came to her and said that she was shorter and taller than he thought. She said that he grabbed her and lifted her one foot off the ground. She said that he did this whole weird thing and she just said ''I love you.''
Howard said that he must anticipate that people are going to be intimidated by him. Melissa said that he may have seen that she was very tense when he walked in.
Howard said Melissa has been through so much in her life. Howard said you'd think she's get relaxed at some point. Howard said that it's not like that though. Melissa said she's just a true dorky fan. She said that she would meet some people and they seem nice but people who she thinks are smart and funny are like that. She said she just expects something awful to happen.
Howard said her performance in Bridesmaids was great. He said she was nominated for an Oscar. She said she was and she didn't win. Howard said she was brilliant in that movie. Howard said she was so on point. Howard said her character is so bold and brassy. He said the movie was written that she was supposed to be meek and sheepish. Melissa said she must have read it wrong. She said that's what she saw and it seemed clear to her. Melissa said she did the audition and she met Kristin Wiig in the Groundlings. She said she met Judd Apatow and she just wanted one line in a movie. She said that she sat and talked about having weird hand sex with a dolphin at the audition.
Howard asked if she's a wreck the night before an audition for something like that. She said she was just the opposite. She said she didn't want to disappoint anyone. She said that she figured they were just letting a friend come in. She said if they didn't like her it was no big deal. She said she didn't want to tank it for anyone though.
Howard said she was in the Groundlings for like 12 years. She said she met her husband Ben there. Howard said she must have been discouraged being there so long. Melissa said she had a show that ran for 7 years so she was working. She said she could never leave the Groundlings though. She said she loved every minute being in the Groundlings.
Howard said Kristin Wiig asked her to come audition for Bridesmaids. Melissa said that she knew Kristin for so long. She said that they would get into these strange discussions. She said she went into the audition and talked something about falling overboard on a ship and how she ended up having hand play from a dolphin and it was really horrible. She said she wanted to punch herself after talking about that in the audition. She said that's just not something that she wanted to talk about. She said that Judd and Paul Feig were there and they were super nice but it was so weird that she thought that was it. Howard asked how long the audition was. She said it was maybe 15-20 minutes. She said she thinks she found out she got the part the next day. She was shocked.
Howard asked about shooting Bridesmaids and if she improvised a lot. She said she did. Howard said he heard she did a scene where she talked about a squirrel burrowing into her vagina. She said she may have but she doesn't remember. Howard said he gets that because he does a 5 hour radio show every day and he can't remember what he said.
Howard asked Melissa about growing up on a farm and how she went goth in school. Melissa said she went from cheer leading to that goth thing. She said she went to an all girls catholic school. She said they cheered for the boys teams and she remembers going to a pep rally. She said she heard the coach of the team kind of slamming the cheerleaders. She said that they were really good and they had gone to state. She said she just stood there wondering why he was making fun of them. She said that they were doing back flips on asphalt and it all seemed like bullshit to her. She said it all came into focus and she had to get out. She said she started going to downtown Chicago and listening to good music and going to clubs. She said she had to get out of that circle of people. Howard said she rebelled against the small town. Melissa said she did. She said she was glad to get out of that life.
Howard asked Melissa about wanting to go to a fashion institute. She said she wanted to do that. She said she went to Southern Illinois. She said she did a lot of drinking there. She said she was a bad student. Howard asked if she felt bad about that. She said she was paying for it so she dint feel too bad about that. She said a guidance counselor told her that she couldn't do what she wanted. She said he crushed her. She said she wanted to double in Fine Art and Fashion and he told her she can't do that. Melissa said she did well in the classes she loved and didn't do so well in the others. She said she would do really well and then she'd give up. She said that she wouldn't take the final exam as a protest move. Melissa said she had a teacher who told her she was a dumbass for doing that.
Melissa said she loved making her friends laugh. She said she dropped out of college and moved to Colorado. She said she had a friend who asked her what she was doing there. She said she started going on stage and she was in a character. She said that someone called her Miss Y on stage. She said that she had a friend who used to call her that. Howard asked how she got up on stage at that time. She said she had to have some drinks. She said that her roommate got her to go up on stage. She said that he's now a famous shoe designer. Melissa said that he convinced her that she was funny and talked her into going on stage. Howard said it's funny how he got her to do that and she didn't think about doing it herself.
Howard asked what she did as Miss Y. She said she would tell stories. She said she would tell self complimentary stories about herself. She said that people must have thought she was a jackass. She said she was talking about how tall and beautiful she was. She said it was much more bold than she was. She said she was too dumb to plan for it. She also didn't know about the light. She said that they show a light when to get off stage and she didn't know that. She said they'd yell at her after she stayed on too long.
Howard asked how long she did that. Melissa said she did it for like 6 months. She said that she knew after the first night she was done with college. She said she knew that was it. Howard said the man who convinced her to do that was a gay man. Howard said Melissa says she's dated a lot of gay men. Melissa said she did that in her 20s in New York. She said it took her a few years to figure out what was going on there.
Howard asked when she got into the Groundlings. Melissa said she got out of the rooms she was in. She said that people would yell at her to show them her tits and things like that. She said you can always come back and make those guys look like idiots but she wasn't into that. She said she just wanted to tank or do well and get off stage. She didn't want the other stuff. Melissa said that 3/4 of that was spent dealing with that kind of guy.
Howard said she had to move to L.A. if she wanted to make something out of it. Melissa said she didn't have an agent or anything. She said it was hard to figure it all out. She said that everyone you meet is probably nuts. She said that she was in a studio apartment with this woman who was telling her how to make it and she realized this was worse than how she lived. She said that she thought that she should be meeting people in a restaurant or something so they wouldn't see her apartment. Melissa said she just wanted to keep doing plays and stuff.
Howard said Melissa was doing her thing and she said if she didn't make it by the time she was 30 she was out of the business. Melissa said she was doing production work and she was doing PA work for her cousin Jenny. Howard asked if she sees her at all now. Melissa said that they're just in opposite worlds now. She said that she was very nice to hire her for her PA. She said she was doing everything. She said she was the first one there and the last one to leave. She said it's a great way to learn and everyone should do that when they get into the business. Melissa said Jenny was great to her.
Howard said she must start to doubt herself when things don't go that well right away. Melissa said that she just didn't want to keep calling her parents. She said she hated asking for money. She said they knew that she worked really hard though. She said she didn't want to go back to school and she went to do stand up. She said her mom still isn't sure why she didn't discourage that. She said that her parents are awesome. She said they're the nicest parents in the world.
Howard said the day before her birthday she got the call about getting the role on Gilmore Girls. Melissa said that show lasted 7 years. She said she quit a few jobs but stayed in the Groundlings. Howard asked about why she didn't go audition for Saturday Night Live. Melissa said that she was in the Groundlings for 12 years. She said she always missed the SNL people when they'd come to see them. She said she would take one show off in 5 years and miss them. She said it was kind of soul crushing. She said it just must not have been meant to be.
Howard asked if Melissa ever tried to get to Lorne Michaels. She said she didn't have any way of getting to him. Howard said that she has hosted the show and she enjoys it. Melissa said it's great and she's shocked that they get all of that on TV. She said she will bring in writing and they go through the table read and all of that. She said it's pretty amazing. She said it's insane. Melissa said they shed clothes off of you back stage. She said that she had 30 seconds to get full prosthetics off to do her intro on the show. She said there was someone yanking her skirt off and someone pulling her big teeth out. She said the stuff was stuck to her and two people were yanking it off. She said they told her not to move or she'd fall.
Howard asked why they still do the show live. He said they could tape it. Melissa said there's something to it. She said she wishes the audience could see back stage. Howard said he loves seeing the end of the show when people are moseying around. He said that he'd love to see back stage. Melissa said that one day the cards got mixed up and they just sat there staring at each other. She said that they re-wrote stuff so she couldn't go back to what they did earlier.
Howard asked Melissa about what came next after Gilmore Girls. Melissa said she did Samatha Who and then Bridesmaids came along. Howard said that she's had $800 million in ticket sales. Howard said she did Identity Thief and that did really well too. Howard said that Jason Bateman got her into that movie. Melissa said that she met with him and it was a part that was written for a man. She said that she thinks that they reworked it really well. She said that he brought it to her and it was like two full characters that meet and collide.
Howard said that it must be tough to pick a movie project after that. Howard said she had a smash hit and she has everyone coming at her. Howard said you have a movie that makes over 100 million and everyone comes to her. Melissa said there is worry about what to do next. She said you don't want it to be one and done. She said that it's a big decision. She said that she got the character and she thought she was odd and complicated. She said she thought Jason was really funny and she thought it was the right fit. She said everyone involved was great. She said they told her they were just going to go have a good time and she loved that.
Howard asked if she had it on her mind about the box office that weekend. Melissa said she doesn't do that. She said she heard the testing was going well. She said she didn't really think that much about it until this new movie ''Tammy'' because she produced it. She said it's a whole other thing then.
Howard asked if she went and watched the movie with an audience. She said they did that about 2 weeks before the movie came out. She said it wasn't tracking the way they hoped it would. She said that she knew it was going to do well. She said that they kept getting worse and worse calls about it. She said that Paul was watching it and he was like ''Oh my god!'' She said they had to go to the theater to see how people were reacting. She said that they stood there listening to people laughing and it was so great. She said that they knew it was funny.
Howard said that they shoot the movie and you don't remember what you did. Melissa said that was her first one like that and it was most of her friends so she wasn't sure if it was inside jokes or not. She said that things she thinks are funny don't usually do well.
Howard said that Melissa met her husband at the Groundlings and she wrote this movie ''Tammy'' with him. Howard said it must be tough to work with him like that. Howard said if it doesn't go well it might cause some tension. She said that she met him at the Groundlings and they got along well from the start. She said that they worked on this movie for like 5 or 6 years. She said that they kept working on it and they fell in love with the characters. She said that it wasn't until after the movie Bridesmaids that they were asked if they had anything they were working on. They were working on this.
Howard asked if they had studios bidding on this. She said New Line came to them and asked and they were liked ''What the hell is happening?'' Melissa said they were in the car on the way home wondering what was going on.
Howard asked about Susan Sarandon, Kathy Bates and Dan Aykroyd being in the movie. She said they had Kathy in mind for the part so it was great to get her. She said while they were shooting it they have footage of her pointing at them. She said Ben directed the movie and that was the right thing. Howard said that they're now in charge so that's a whole different thing. Howard said that this is going to be a big deal for them. Howard said there's a lot riding on this. Melissa thanked him for freaking her out. She said they did the best they could on this. She said that they have been with this so long and it feels like their third kid. She said that they're good people and she has a whole weird thing going on with that.
Howard said they have just one weekend to put the movie out and it's such a crap shoot. She said that everyone is obsessed with the first weekend. She said that she doesn't always rush out to see things. She said she waits. Howard said she must be involved with everything with this one. Howard said she must wonder if this is what she got in the business for. Melissa said that Ben sits through the meetings and she just comes in and says she likes the colors on that poster.
Howard said when you make your own movie you don't think that they put enough money into promotion. Melissa asked if Howard is going to do another move. Howard said he's not sure. He said it took 4 years to get that thing done. Melissa said she loves that movie. Howard said he had a script for a sequel and he told his friends about it. He said they were cracking up. He said if he makes the film and people are disappointed he didn't want to do it. He said that's not his primary way of making money. He said that you start thinking about being safer and safer. Melissa said she thinks that they're doing this funny stuff and they're going to keep doing it. She said Howard has to do the sequel. Howard said maybe some day. He said he loved acting in that movie. He said he loved the whole experience. Howard thanked her for saying that. She said it crushes her that he had a second script. Howard said it's not a full script but it's fully realized with the concept.
Howard asked Melissa if she's constantly working. She said she is and she has a 7 and a 4 year old. Howard said she must not see them that much. He said he thought she was going to say that she hadn't seen them in 3 years. She said they have a great nanny. She said that they come on set and get bored. She said if they didn't have Craft Service then they'd be in big trouble.
Howard said everyone must be asking her why she's not making another movie with Kristin Wiig. She said everyone is so busy. She said everyone wants to do something with her. She said you get everything you wish for and you need 6 more days a day to get it all done.
Howard asked who has turned her on in the business. Melissa said that Bridesmaids was too weird because they had so much fun doing it. She said she was laughing so hard that she'd get all sparkly. She said they were doing the dumbest stuff. She said she loved working with Sandra Bullock in ''The Heat.'' She said that she hasn't worked with anyone that she didn't like. She said she really hasn't had a bad experience.
Howard said that Paul Feig also did The Heat. Howard said he hasn't met him. Melissa said that he makes her laugh so hard. Howard said that movie grossed $229 million worldwide. Robin said that she just keeps getting funnier and funnier. Melissa said she just did another one with Paul called ''Spy'' and that's going to be very funny. She said she knows that she could be poison in a few months so they just keep going at it.
Melissa said that she got up one night and Ben was up watching the nominations for the Oscars. She said she saw she was nominated and then she started staring at the screen. She said that she saw that a close friend got one and she got excited about her. She said it was like she didn't hear her own name. She said she balled after she realized she was nominated. Howard asked if she prepared a speech. She said she had a list of names but not a prepared speech. She said she had to thank the people who made the movie. Melissa said she's not sure that will ever happen again for a comedy.
Howard asked Melissa about how she loves fashion and how people said no to her about dressing her for the Oscars. She said that was very strange. She said that she doesn't know why they said no. She said maybe they didn't want to dress her because she wasn't a size 2. Howard said he thinks that's part of it. She said she thinks it all worked out for the best anyway. Melissa said she loved what she wore that night. She said that certain people have been great with her. She said some don't know what to do with her.
Howard gave Melissa a plug for her movie and said that he's getting the high sign that she has to go. Melissa said she used to wait on Robin at this cafe and she knows that Robin tipped well. She said that she really did wait on Robin. Howard gave her some more plugs for the movie ''Tammy'' and wrapped up the interview a short time later. .
Howard came back and said he likes Frampton. Robin said he's going out on the road again. Howard said he has been in a couple of bands. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Howard said he had to play this message that Adam Levine had for all fans. Howard played a clip and it was Adam doing a Ringo Starr type thing saying he can't have sex with anymore women and he's saying this with peace and love, peace and love. He said that any panties thrown his way will be tossed. Howard said he was forced to make that announcement so he recorded it there in their studio.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Melissa was hilarious. He said he loved The Heat and he was in tears watching that. He said her husband has to be lucky because he must be laughing all the time.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he's watching the birthday show and it's very easy to navigate. He said it is idiot proof. Howard said it really is. He said he was watching last night and it's very easy to get to. Bobo said he loves it and he liked the part where Ryan Phillippe gave Robin the lap dance. Bobo said he wanted to thank Howard personally for that. Howard said he appreciates that.
Howard said he has to get organized. He said he had papers all over the place. He said he knows they'll talk about the Benjy fingering thing on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Gogo Harder was devastated that he didn't get to finger Benjy. Robin said he would have been all over Benjy. Howard said even Perez was grossed out by Benjy. He said that he didn't want anything to do with him. Howard played Benjy's screaming real quick.
Howard said on July 21st they may have to have Benjy and Perez get back together. Howard said they'll have a game of Benjy screaming in Sharknado and getting fingered and you have to guess which one it is. Howard said that's some scream he has. Howard said that was a real scream too. He said that's no bullshit.
Howard said he has been watching Benjy out of the corner of his eyes and it doesn't seem to have phased him. Robin said he seems proud. Howard said he heard Perez has been in the shower all night and he's not coming out. Robin said he's scrubbing his body with steel wool.
Howard said Benjy says he did it for Elisa and he's rationalizing it that way. Howard said now he's wondering what else he can do for Elisa Jordana Schwartz. Howard said he's willing to blow him for a dental plan for her. Howard said he'll fuck a guy in the ass if they let her sit in for the news. He said if they give her a channel there then he'll get plastic surgery to look like Liberace and then fuck the corpse of Liberace.
Howard said he was surprised about how many sites covered the story. Howard said they had a bunch. Howard said he didn't read through them all so he's not sure if they changed the wording. Howard said they did refer to him as his sidekick.
Howard read some email about Benjy's fingering. He said one guy said that he should get a raise for that. Howard said lets not get carried away. Howard read a few more emails about how the show keeps getting better and better. Howard said some people didn't like it. One guy wrote in about how the fingering was kind of funny but that's the way his ears feel when Benjy talks on the show.
Howard said someone wrote about how once a man does one thing gay he's gay for life. Howard said someone asked if he heard the slurping sound when Perez pulled his finger out. Howard said he didn't so he'll have to go back and listen.
Howard said someone wrote in saying he doesn't make enough money. Howard said the guy says that he watched AGT and he listened to the radio show and he really thinks he is the king of all media.
Howard read an email about Benjy's screaming like a little bitch and he hit the side of his house because he was laughing so hard. He said his wife thought he injured himself. He said his wife gave him a foot up his ass for that.
Howard read about Jon Leiberman's rapping and said those were just a few of the comments they got. He said they get a lot.
Robin started her news with a story about a 3 way sex romp at Laguardia airport. Robin said that a boat crashed into a bridge that's one of the runways at the airport. Robin said that the man went below deck to have some fun so he wasn't at the controls of the boat. Robin said he was in the cabin fooling around trying to have a threesome.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mother heard the audio of Benjy and she was crying laughing. He said she's a devout Christian woman but she was laughing her ass off. He said he's never heard someone laugh so hard. Howard said the pope himself was laughing at that.
Robin read about a man in San Diego who is accused of killing his wife and trying to make it look like a hate crime against a Muslim. Robin said she was bludgeoned to death and he allegedly wrote a note trying to cover it up. Robin said you have to think it out a little better than that.
Robin read a story about a golden retriever that was lost 2 years ago and it somehow survived in the woods alone. Robin said the dog was found by a camper and they lured the dog over and found it to be thin and frail but it's back home with its family. Howard said he'd love to know what it did for 2 years.
Robin said James Franco and Seth Rogen's new movie ''Interview'' is not a favorite of Kim Jong Un's. Howard said the premise is that they go to North Korea to interview him but they're really there to kill him. Robin said Kim doesn't get the joke apparently. Robin said that a rep for Kim says that it shows the desperation of the American society. Robin said that they say that the movie mirrors what the US has done in a few countries. Robin said he's taking it very seriously.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said that Benjy thing was really disgusting. He asked if they forced him to do it. Howard played along and said he did force him. He asked Hanzi how he's going to force him to do that. Hanzi asked if they can do that with Robin and let him be the one fingering her. Howard said he can get in line.
Howard asked if Hanzi filled out the paperwork to get his 500 bucks. Hanzi said he doesn't have access to a printer. He said in 2008 it took 4 months to get it. Howard told him to do it so he can get it in 4 months. Howard said eventually he'll get the money. He said it's more money than he had. Howard said the point is that he'll get 500 bucks. Hanzi said he should offer him a job. Howard said he can't even fill out a piece of paper. He said it shows a complete lack of motivation and initiative. Howard said he should go down and get a printer and print that thing out. Howard said he's completely unmotivated. Hanzi asked ''What the hell man?'' Howard asked if that's really his answer. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi said ''Fuck you, man.'' Howard said goodbye to him.
Robin got back to her news and read about a millionaire who is leaving most of his fortune to his dogs. Howard said that's something. Robin asked how the money is handled. Howard said if you do that then they appoint people to be the executors of the estate. Howard said they pay the person to do that. Howard said many times there are shenanigans and they have to watch the money. Howard said he probably wants the dogs to stay on his property so the money may go toward that. Robin said the dogs do have their down doors to the house and things like that. Robin said that he made his money in the junk yard business. Robin said each of his kids have their own junk yards and he thinks they'll do just fine.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for a Hanzi free week next week. Howard said next week will be. Howard jokingly said that this is Hanzi's father on the phone. Fred said he wants a Hanzi free life.
Robin read a story about a study that found raising a son is more expensive than a daughter. Howard said he would have thought it was the girl that was more. Howard said he sees now that when you have a son like Hanzi you're stuck with him forever. Robin said they do say that girls are less likely to return home than a son is. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about some daytime Emmy awards hosts who were making some comments that upset some people. Robin read about one comment the women made to a man saying that they had to get away from him before they raped him. That upset some people. Robin said that there were some other comments as well that were upsetting to some people.
Robin read about how migrant children from Mexico are crossing the border on their own. Robin said that they're saying this is a crisis right now. Robin said that the drug cartels are bringing them in. Howard said he read about a kid who was being bullied and he went to the cops trying to get help and no one helped. Howard said he was bullied in school and no one helped him. Howard said he feels so bad for this kid. Howard said he finally fought back and stabbed someone. Robin said that kid had been failed by everyone around him.
Howard said he told the story on the air about their plans to crash Katie Couric's wedding. Howard said he told Robin the entire story about their plans. Matt said Howard came to dinner with the scheme. Howard said he told Robin about how they jettisoned Al Roker right away. Matt said their wives were into it too. Howard said Matt's wife wants him to do bad things. Matt said that's why she likes when they hang out with Howard. Howard said that Matt's eyes lit up when he told him they should crash the wedding.
Howard said what they came up with was that they were going to show up in bathing suits and scuba gear with GoPros on their heads. Then they'd go into the pool and scuba and then just leave. Matt said that security might not let them in though.
Howard said he assumed that Matt was invited. Matt said those promos about how they were America's First Family must have been bullshit.
Howard said they planned on doing some other things with the wedding too. Matt said that Howard thought having him with him would give him a license to do that stuff. He said they decided to sleep on it. Howard said they left there saying it was on.
Matt sad he came up with another idea to show up as a pest control guy. He said that he told his Today show producer about it and he got crickets. He said that there was about a 15 percent chance that it would be a classic and the other 85 percent would be them coming off really bad. Matt said he woke up the next morning and Howard said he thinks his producer is right and they should bag the idea.
Matt said he texted Katie to figure out when the wedding was going on. He said he never heard back. Howard said that's why it took a long time to figure all of this out. Howard said they could still crash the honeymoon. Matt said he thinks they made the right call.
Howard said one of the ideas was to get a cake with him in it. Howard said he'd pop out of the cake in a bathing suit. Matt said Beth was all for that.
Howard said that it could have been a disaster. Matt said that Robin would have told them to do it. Howard said Robin has gotten him to do things before. He said she never does them but she gets him to do it.
Howard said he's excited about Matt signing on to do more time on the Today show. Matt said his wife is happy about it too. She doesn't want him sitting at home staring at a wall. Matt said that he's very happy. Matt said he would do something eventually but he wanted to take some time off to spend with the kids.
Howard said Matt is there promoting Sharknado 2 since he's in it with Al Roker. Howard asked if he gets eaten in it. Matt said he can't tell. He said it's a big secret. Matt said he had to get going. He said he has to go host Classic Vinyl. Howard said that wedding would have been a disaster. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about John Kerry being over seas for some thing and she said that he's done something to his face. Howard said maybe he's doing injections. Howard said that it never looks good to get that kind of thing done.
Robin read about how North and South Korea are still at odds and blaming one another for starting the Korean war. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the Isis jihadists and how they're selling t-shirts to make money off of that whole thing. Howard said that Fred bought him some as a gift. Fred said he bought them for him to wear to the Katie Couric wedding. Howard said that he's looking for an Isis snuggie. Robin said that Isis is an Al Quaeda inspired group. Robin said that they sell other terrorist based clothing as well.
Robin read a story about a woman who was excommunicated from the Church of Latter Day Saints because she was on the board of an organization of ordained women. The church didn't like that so they want her to stop her teachings of ordained women.
Robin read a story about a woman who was sentenced to death for switching religions in Sudan. Robin said she is now free. Robin said her conviction was overturned and she was released.
Robin said gas prices are going to be going up. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that.
Robin read a story about tobacco killing 6 million people a year. Robin said every puff you take is deadly according to this doctor. She had some audio of a doctor talking about how dangerous it is. Robin said that you can get immediate benefits shortly after quitting smoking. Robin had some audio of the doctor talking about that as well.
Robin read a story about a Knicks player who is getting divorced and has some charges against him for having a firearm.
Robin read about how stress causes heart attacks. Fred played some Benjy screams as she was talking about that. Robin said that the heart creates more white blood cells when someone is under stress. That's what can cause a heart attack.
Robin read about how Kanye West was at a college doing community service. Robin said he had a charge against him for attacking a photographer. Robin said Kanye taught for 3 hours as part of that community service.
Robin said Michelle Obama has said she won't get into politics when she was asked if she would when her husband is done. Robin said that she said her next move won't be political. She says she will doing other mission based things.
Robin said that Elvis Presley's suit is up for auction. Howard said he hopes they washed it. Robin said she knows there are stains on it. Robin said it's his white peacock outfit. Gary said it has big sweat stains under the arms. Robin said they say it may go for $2-300,000. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show after that. They were done around 10:10am.
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Gary asked Jon if he would be upset if he and Howard walked in wearing scuba equipment. Jon said he'd be amused for a minute. Gary said the last thing he'd want is for Howard to come across looking like a douche in the news. He said he thinks one of the worst things you can do is ruin a wedding day for a woman. He said he thinks that's why she didn't respond to Matt's text asking what time the wedding was.
Gary said he thinks that a lot of women don't have a sense of humor about their wedding day. He said that you're there for a reason and it's not to entertain people. Jon asked how Gary would feel if Howard crashed his wedding. Gary said he would think it was funny but his wife would not appreciate it. Jon said it is the bride's day and not the groom's day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks it's kind of hypocritical about no pranks at his wedding. He said he took Sal off the list of his wedding because of that. Gary said Howard is up front about that. He pranks and he does not like being pranked. Gary said that he thinks that pranks are funny but not when they're done to him.
Jon said Howard loves Sal and what he does but he doesn't want him doing it at his party. Gary said Sal's joking around nickname is Sal No-Governale because he has no governor. He said that he's still apologizing to his cousins 30 years after doing crazy stuff. Jon said Sal is well behaved most of the time when his wife keeps him under control. He said you want him to have some fun once in a while.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard the Birthday Bash and seeing it is a whole other thing. He said he went back and watched Adam's performance after he was on the show and he really knocked it out. He said after watching that show he has more respect for Jon and Gary too. He said they really pulled that show off. Gary said one of the things he loves is watching John Mayer playing. He said just watch his hands and it's amazing. Jon said it's really enjoyable to see.
Jon said the big news with Adam is that he's getting married. He said he shot down that rumor about contacting his ex's. Gary said he saw it on every major news program. Jon said he said he just knew that this woman is the one. Jon said that any father would be worried about a guy like that. He said he did date a lot.
Gary said that he and his wife got along great and he wanted to marry her. He said Howard likes to pick apart every little thing.
Jon said Adam talked about how he hates being alone and he needs someone with him. Gary said he hates being alone too. He said when you're single in your 20s it really blows around the holidays. He said you don't have a date around New Years Eve and it really sucks.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard has pre-nup since he was harping on Adam on that. Gary said he's not sure if he does. Jon said he doesn't think he's talked about that on the air. The caller said he thinks Adam should have one.
Jon said Adam asked Howard if he ever stops feeling attracted to other women. He said that never shuts off. Gary said that everyone sees other people. He said women do it too. He said you just have to get your shit together.
Jon said Adam has everything going on for himself. Gary said Adam has it all. He said he's a nice guy too. Gary said Adam has been listening to the show since he was like 11. He said that he used to get a ride to school when he was 13 or 14 and he thought that they were listening to this underground thing and now he's part of it.
Jon said that Adam knew the song ''Moves Like Jagger'' was going to be a hit and he knew what he wanted so he played it on The Voice. Gary said that he had a little confidence there. He said that the record company wasn't happy about it but it worked out for them. Jon said that Adam and Christina Aguilera seem to be getting along now too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Adam gets upset when they push him out of there for another guest. Gary said he was fine with it. He said he knows the show and how it works.
Jon said the other thing throughout the show was the Benjy aftermath. He said that Howard feels no guilt about it since Benjy offered it up. He said he's not sure that Benjy has any regrets. Jon said Gary was also critiqued for his lack of play by play. Gary said he had one microphone and Shuli had one. He said if he starts talking then he takes it away from Benjy. He said he felt that it was more important to keep it on Benjy. He said he had to make that call.
Gary said that Benjy pulled at his head trying to kiss him and he only had that happen one other time. He said Siobhan the transsexual was at a party that Jackie had. He said that she used to be a construction worker named Bill. He said that he grabbed the back of his head and tried to kiss him. He said he's not sure if Benjy would have really kissed him but that's what it felt like to him. He said he would have hit Benjy over the head with the phone if he had gotten him. They went to break after that.
Jon said he didn't know her background at all. He said that she did a real turn when she moved to New York and got into stand up as Miss Y. Gary said that it's surprising when you hear she didn't think about getting into stand up herself. He said she kind of stumbled into it.
Jon asked Ronnie if he was the class clown. Ronnie said it was written on his report card that he was the class clown. Jon asked how his grades were. Ronnie said they were good until high school. Then he fell apart. Gary asked if he was a bad student or was it tough for him. Ronnie said he used to cut class a lot. He said that he and his friends used to cut class in his dad's car. He said they cut class to go horseback riding one day. He said they drove up to Monticello and rode horses. He said they got back in time for home room at 2:45. He said his father was in the deans office later in the day. He said they knew they were gone and they got in trouble for it.
Jon asked Gary if Ronnie strikes him as the class clown. Gary said he's more of a class wise ass. Ronnie said he because a wise ass later on. He said he was a class clown when he was younger. Jon asked what kind of things he did. Ronnie said he can't remember. He said it was crazy shit. He said he used to hide books and things like that. He said he was called the class clown though. He said he wishes he had the report card that had it written down.
Jon said he finds it interesting that he was a class clown because he doesn't really do that stuff now. Ronnie said he's more serious about his job now.
Jon said that Sal must have been a class clown. Jon asked if Scott is a class clown. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said he's not sure about Scott. He said it's hard to tell. Gary said Scott is funny for all the wrong reasons.
Ronnie said a friend he has went to school with Scott and she had nap time with him. Ronnie said according to her Scott used to pee his blanket repeatedly. Jon asked Scott to come in and talk about that. Gary said that he thinks about how Scott did his swimming nude in class. He said it sounds like a child predator's dream. Ronnie said he knows people who did that. Gary said that's not even sanitary. He said he wonders if they were too cheap to buy suits for the kids. Gary said just imagine kids are doing that today and you take them right out of school.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they are concerned about something with Perez Hilton's nails. Gary said he didn't quite hear that because of the phone connection. That got them back on the subject of Benjy though. Jon said he thinks that it could end up coming up a lot on the show in the future.
Gary said he was face to face with Benjy while it was happening. He said he could tell what was going on just by looking at his face.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what kind of class clown Ronnie was. He asked if he bullied the boys or the girls. Ronnie said he didn't bully anyone. He said that he was a prankster. He said his teacher used to call him an ignorant creature and made him stand and face the wall. He said he'll never forget that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said it sounds like not much has changed with his driving and his pranks. He asked if he gave his friends sex tips back then. Ronnie said he didn't do that. Jon asked the caller if he was a US Citizen. The guy said he was so he gave him a $500 courtesy of Pocono Raceway.
Gary told a story about how he was on a flight and he had to go to the bathroom so bad. He said he got to this club he was appearing at. He said the girls escorted him into the club and all of the girls were looking at him like he was a sheik or something. He said Ronnie made that happen. Ronnie said it was great because they were all carrying his bags for him. They had to go to break after that.
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Jon asked if Ronnie thinks that Howard would want to do it. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. Ronnie said that he got in trouble for doing stuff at Bubba's wedding. He said he had people instigating him to do that. Gary said Sal's heroin is to entertain Howard. He said that's why he does some of the things he does.
Jon said Melissa McCarthy was talking about how she missed the SNL audition day at the Groundlings. Gary said that seems to be one of the places where all of these people come out of. It's either that or UCB.
Jon said that Melissa also works with her husband on projects. Gary said he thinks he could work with his wife. He said that it can be a lot of pressure though. Jon asked Ronnie if he could do that with his significant other. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said he wouldn't do it. Ronnie said you want to leave work behind and go home at the end of the night. He said that you can get into fights over work and stuff too. He said it affects the home life.
Jon said that Olivia Munn is joining them now. Gary said they're big fans of her's. Gary asked if they shot another season of The Newsroom. Olivia said they did and it will be out this fall. Jon said her character is great on that show. Jon said that they're big Sorkin fans. Gary said her character is almost like someone on E.R. because they have to learn so much. He said Sorkin's writing is very dense. Olivia said she has to be told to slow down when she talks. She said she talks very fast usually anyway. She said they have a theme of the show and it makes it easy for her to memorize her dialog.
Gary asked if people talk to her about crazy financial stuff when they meet her. Olivia said they think it's really hard for her to play that part. She said that she just plays dumb and says that it is very hard.
Jon asked Olivia about the Stern show and what she thinks about how it's evolved. She said she thinks that he was just talking the way people talk at home and he opened the door for other people to push the limits. She said she likes how he's evolved into what he is now. She said he's calmer and she listens to the show every day now. She said she enjoys him even more now than she did in the past.
Gary asked how she thinks she would do in the studio. Olivia said she doesn't think she'd want to. She said you can't not say things. She said you can't say you don't want to talk about sex. She said she'd just rather not do that. Gary said that you have to open up and give it all. Olivia said she loved Bryan Cranston's interview. She said as a woman she thinks it's more fun to be a listener.
Jon asked Olivia about the rise of Ronnie the Limo Driver. Olivia said she heard about his deal with Howie Mandel. She said that he's a reluctant TV star. She said she loves that when people can live their dreams.
Jon said they leaned that Ronnie was a class clown. Olivia asked if Jon and Gary were class clowns. Jon said he wasn't. Ronnie said Jon is too fuddy duddy to be a class clown. Jon said he fed the class clown.
Olivia asked what show Ronnie is doing with Howie. Ronnie said that they're going to do something like a strip club rescue type of thing. Ronnie said it may be called Make it Rain. Olivia said that's a great idea. She asked what the number one problem is in the clubs. Ronnie said glitter is a problem. He said he would ban it. Ronnie said it ends up all over the guys.
Gary said they did a Scores party one day in the afternoon and he ended up with glitter all over his hair and face. He said he went to a gym he had a membership at and took a shower there. He said that he wasn't going to go home with glitter on him.
Ronnie said that grooming is a problem in the clubs too. He said he didn't want to get too graphic but odor is a problem. Ronnie said if a girl is doing a lap dance for you and you smell something. Olivia said Gary was there recently. Gary said that there was a woman who had a major issue and Ronnie was responsible for her firing. Olivia said maybe you could ask the girl not to dance for you. Ronnie said you don't want to be rude to them. He said you have to go to them and ask them to come to work smelling better. Gary asked how you tell them what part it is. Ronnie said you just let them figure it out.
Gary said he saw Olivia's Vogue interview and she has that expensive toilet like Jimmy Kimmel has. She said they're great.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Olivia how serious it can be working with Jeff Daniels. He wondered if he's funny or serious. Olivia said he's more serious during shooting. She said once they're into the scene they do joke around but Jeff is more serious around the set because of the work he has to do. She said he has t concentrate a lot so his focus is on that.
Jon said Olivia is doing ''Deliver Us from Evil'' now so he asked for some background on that. Olivia gave him some details about what it's about and said it's based on some real stuff. She said they end up doing an exorcism on this person and they have tapes of the actual thing. She said it's the most horrific thing she's ever seen. She said Eric Bana watched it and he wasn't able to sleep for 3 weeks. She said that she had to see it after that. She said she watched it and she wasn't able to sleep for a week after that. She said she started to believe after that. She said she met with Theresa Caputo who told her things that no one else would know and she really believes. She said that Theresa has got a 100 percent track record. She said that she told her things about her giving away this glass locket that her grandmother had and she knew about it. She told the guys the story about how it got lost. She said no one knew it wasn't the original. She said Theresa knew it wasn't the right one. She said they really should bring her in. Gary said he's afraid that if it doesn't work out for her there that it would be a bad thing. Olivia said they shouldn't worry about that.
Jon asked Olivia about the conventions she goes to. Olivia said the fans are very nice and she likes going to them. She said that some of them are a little out there. She said they are hard core loyal though.
Jon introduced Jon Leiberman to Olivia. Jon said that Leiberman retired from rap and he wondered if Olivia thinks that he should continue to follow his dream. Olivia said sometimes dreams have to die. She told him not to be greedy. Olivia said she was traveling yesterday so she missed the show.
Olivia said she can beat box for Jon if he wants to rap. Leiberman said he's not going to do that. He said that he needs a disclaimer in there because Gary has 1000 bucks on him never rapping again. Olivia started to do a beat box thing and Leiberman said it was coming to him. He started to rap about Olivia but he gave up a few lines in. Olivia told him to stop dreaming and just give it up. Leiberman said that she did a good beat box. She said that means nothing coming from him. She said she was kidding. Leiberman said that was better than Matisyahu's beat box. Olivia said that means a lot.
Jon had Leiberman run down his news headlines for today. He did that and then the guys got in their plugs and they ended the show. They were done around 11:20am.
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Howard started the show talking about Gary saying that he looks too thin. Howard said he has someone on the phone saying he didn't look good in the Perez Hilton Instagram picture either. Howard said he is a mess in the morning. He said he doesn't have someone fixing his hair. He said it can get kind of whacked out. He said he has to do a whole thing with it in the morning. He said he showers the night before. Howard said he'll have Jason take a shot and he has to pose the right way. He said you can't judge him on pictures that celebrities take themselves.
Howard said Gary says he looks too thin. He said if he gains anything it goes right to his hips. He said Benjy said he looks good. Benjy said he looks great. He said in clothes on TV the way he looks he looks incredible. Robin said she thinks he looks great too. Howard said he feels good. Benjy told him to finger him now. Howard said he considers that an honor. He said that his fingers might be longer than Perez's though. He said his were pretty long though.
Howard said there is still so much comedy coming out of that whole fingering thing. He said Benjy screaming while getting fingered is still such a topic. Howard played the clip of him screwing when the finger went in. Howard also played a bit Sal and Richard did. It was a movie commercial parody called ''The Fingering.'' They had some of that screaming in that.
Howard played a Bon Jovi ''Livin' On a Prayer'' remix with Benjy's scream in it. They had Benjy's scream in a Who song too. Howard asked how great is that? Howard said Perez has taken a restraining order out on Benjy now. He said that's not much he's bothering him.
Howard read some email they got about Benjy and those photos could keep him from getting on the Supreme court. Howard said that a lot of doors will be closed on him.
Howard read an email about how they want more graphic pictures than they put up. Howard said that he's not sure about that. He said someone likes the idea of dipping the glove in gold. Howard said that the value of Perez's apartment has dropped since the fingering. Howard said he has a whole bunch of them there. Howard said someone thinks that more celebrities will want to finger Benjy. He said Tom Hanks may need a boost in his career.
Howard played another song with Benjy's scream in it and then took a call from King of All Blacks. King asked about why some people come in there and keep so many things private in an interview. He was referring to Adam Levine and his pre-nup. Howard said some people think about what they are talking about and they think they're going to get in trouble over it at home. Howard said he's the kind of guy who is very open in interviews and his kids will ask why he said some things. He said he thinks Adam Levine has a good life going and he has everything he wants. Howard said he is wondering how to get the least amount of shit and still keep things entertaining. Howard said he thinks that he's more worried about the people in his life than himself. Robin said when you fall in love with someone you don't want to talk about a contract like that.
Howard said couples do fail to stay together. He said if you take the marriage word out then it's just a man and a woman living together. Robin said that she was reading a quote from Yoko Ono who said that it is tough for men and women to keep it together. Howard said he is so happy with Beth but he isn't naive. He said that she could say she loves and adores him but maybe she has a dream and it doesn't involve him. He said there's a story in the paper this morning who was divorced from his wife and they photographed his wife with Leonardo DiCaprio and he ended up killing himself. Howard said he's not sure if that's what happened though. He said he isn't sure he can put it all on Leo.
Howard said if you're not happy in a marriage then you can rest assured that a pre-nup will be there. He said the two people should sit down and figure that stuff out. Howard said there are wealthy men who marry women and they want to protect themselves. Howard said you're entering into a legal business contract with someone when you get married. Howard said that's to keep a guy from running off and leaving a woman with no money. Howard said that's why marriage was created. He said there's a financial agreement there. King said it's that and to make babies.
King asked if it's really a business. Howard said it is. He said it's like working for Sirius. King asked if you walk into the bedroom and ask a woman to sign something. Howard said you sit down and discuss it. He said that you don't do it in the bedroom. Robin said a lot of these discussions don't go on and then they get into trouble when they don't know what the other person wants. Robin said then they hate each other and try to take each other for a ride.
Howard said you're doomed if you can't talk to the other person about this stuff. Howard said a woman doesn't want to go into a relationship not knowing this stuff. King said he wouldn't want to bring it up. Howard said that's because he's a sneak. Howard said that would be a sign to him that he's not really on his team. Robin said they wouldn't make a good couple. Howard said he thinks he's a good looking man. Howard let King go after that.
Howard took a call from Gonzo who says that Eric the Actor is tweeting under a new name of RodeoMan1969. Howard said he has to get Eric on.
Howard said he has a bunch of audition clips he did with Shuli so he could get a job on Yucko's cartoon ''Brickleberry.'' Howard played the clips of Eric doing voices for the cartoon. He did a little kid voice and talked to Yucko about doing a party for him. Howard said he sounds just like a little boy. Howard said Eric doesn't stop there. He does a southern guy too. Howard played that one and Eric has a little bit of a southern accent in that clip. Howard said he also does a British accent. Howard said you'll think he is from England. Howard played that and it sounded like Eric but not much of an accent there. Even Eric knew it sounded like his southern accent.
Robin said she wants to hear them all at the same time. Howard said he thought he could do it but it didn't work. Howard said he can't do that because his computer has limitations.
Howard said Eli Braden is obsessed with Eric. Howard said Eric hates it when you say all of the shows he's been on have been canceled. He played Eli's latest one and it's about Eric cursing every show he's on. Howard said it's better when Eric hears them.
Gonzo said he was hoping for a theme song. Howard said that's fine as long as Wolfie doesn't get one. Howard said that Eric and Gonzo go at each other and fight. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching the birthday bash and he thought it was an epic lineup of performances. He said the one thing that got to him was the Natalie Maines and Sarah Silverman song. He said it made him think about the show ending one day and it breaks him up thinking about that. Howard said their song was great. He said he enjoys having that video up there. He said he loves it. He said they're going to keep it up a month and take it down. The caller asked if they can have it as a DVD download or something like that. Howard said he will never sell it. He said all of the people who came there came as a love for him and the show. He didn't want to turn it into some money making operation. Howard said they had a lot of TV channels who wanted to pay for it and he wanted to give it to the fans for free. Howard said he is really happy and proud of that show.
Howard said he thinks it looks so good because Joel Gallen directed it. He said he did such a beautiful job with it. He said the coverage they gave is great. He said that you got a great sense of the night. He said he did a beautiful job.
The caller said it's cool to see what the audience was doing during the commercial breaks. He said it was awesome. Howard said Joel left a lot of that in and he's very happy about that. He said the feedback has been phenomenal. Howard said he was on Twitter yesterday reading some of that. Howard said he's really happy that they have it available. He said they did a beautiful job with the whole thing. Robin asked if they can submit it for any awards. Howard said that someone said they should get an Emmy for it. Howard said yeah, right when pigs fly. Howard said that they'll get that as soon as Tan Mom gets an Oscar for acting.
The caller said that the Benjy thing was so classic the other day. He said he heard the replay and the news comes in and it was a total spoiler with the Howard 100 News update. He said they spoiled it for him on the West Coast feed. Howard said that's not good. The caller said he's not sure why they don't do that after the segment airs.
Benjy asked if he could listen to the East Coast feed. The caller said he can but he's not sure why they run the recap before the segment airs. He said it ruins it. Howard said this is making his head spin. He said he hears what he's saying and he'll ask the programming team about that. Robin said he makes a good point. Howard said his head is spinning thinking about it.
Howard said he and Robin were talking about how he's refusing to sell the Clippers. Donald said he bought them fair and square at an auction. Howard said he got them at the NBA Draft. Donald said he says potato and he says po-tar-baby. Howard said this is what gets him into trouble.
Donald said Howard is smart to keep Robin behind glass. Robin said he's too funny. Howard said he thinks that black people have been shafted there in the United States. Donald said he thinks that February should start on the 5th because they're always late. Donald also said he has dementia so don't call him. Howard said he can't keep saying terrible things.
Donald said he wants to apologize to Robin. He said that he's sorry he didn't think Robin was a black last time. He said he thinks that black women should be able to go anywhere they want. He said even if it's at a radio station or on a syrup bottle. Robin said this is not a good apology. Donald said that her name is good because she's always robbing. He asked if her brother's name is ''Killin.'' Howard said he has proved he's a racist lunatic once again. Donald said Howard baited an old man once again. He said that he's said terrible things and he knows what he deserves... 2 billion dollars.
Howard said he thinks he should take racial sensitivity classes. Donald said Baba Booey to him as he was saying goodbye.
Howard said that you have to keep an eye on that guy. He said that Killin name is something else. Howard said he wonders if that was really him. He said sometimes you wonder and you don't know who is actually calling in. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a ton of respect for Howard but no respect for the last guest Donald Sterling. He said he should never have him on the show again. Howard said he's in the news so that's why he had him on. The caller said he's an idiot for not taking 2 billion dollars. Howard asked if he thought he was interesting. The caller said he was. Howard asked if they should stop having David Letterman on too. The caller said he likes it when he gets him all ramped up and he goes cuckoo. Howard asked if this guy is for real. Robin said she hopes not.
Howard said Whitney Cummings is stopping by for a little bit this morning. Howard said Wendy the Retard and Gary the Retard are coming in today too. Howard said that they're saying that ''retard'' isn't politically correct anymore so they have to talk to them about that. Howard said that he has to explain to them that they shouldn't like it but they don't seem to mind being called that word. Howard said they are retarded though. Howard said they want it but who knows. He said they may say that it's okay to use that word themselves like black people use the N-word.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Benjy if this has been the greatest week on the show for him with the fingering and Elisa getting her writing job. Benjy said he has a lot of mixed feelings. He said there are parts he loved but then there are scary parts too. He said he knows people react to it and judge it. He said it's been mixed. Howard said that's an update from Benjy on how he's feeling. Howard said that was an amazing and real moment. Howard said it's very hard for Benjy not to shtick it up. Howard said it sounded sincere to him.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks it was a great week. Robin said she thinks so. Fred said it was his crowning moment. Howard said he knows he has to drop this. He said it's just going to go south.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered what's up with Hanzi not getting the 500 bucks they wanted to send to him. He said he wants to box him. Howard said he has Hanzi on the line. Howard asked Hanzi what he thinks. Hanzi said fuck that guy. He said he's not going to box him. The caller said that he's too lazy to get that $500. Hanzi said that's none of his business. Hanzi said he's not going to box him.
Howard asked Hanzi if he is lazy. Hanzi told him to fuck off. Howard said he can't even sign a piece of paper to get $500. The caller said that people fight over a scrap of food and Hanzi won't even fight over 500 bucks.
Howard said he's not sure what Hanzi odes all day. He said he must just sit there. Hanzi said he sleeps and then goes to the gym. Howard said he had no idea he went to the gym. He said he's kind of a butterball. Howard asked if he brushes his teeth. Hanzi said he uses mouthwash. He said he doesn't brush that often. He said the toothpaste makes his stomach hurt. Howard said you're not supposed to swallow it. Hanzi said he doesn't but it makes him ill.
Howard asked when he gave up brushing. Hanzi said he uses toothpicks. He said his teeth are fine though. Hanzi said he has a cigarette before he goes into the gym. He said he does like 3 sets of stuff in there. Howard asked if he goes home and hangs after that. Hanzi said he catches up on TV and smokes cigarettes.
Howard asked if he showers. Hanzi said he does. He doesn't before going to the gym. Howard said that there is always someone there who smells and he might be that guy. Hanzi said the gym has plenty of people who stink. He said he's in there with other stinky people. Howard asked if he talks to anyone there. Hanzi said he has some people who know who he is. He said there is one chick he talks to and she tries to get him to quit smoking. He said he's not going to quit because he can't get her. He said he nods to her but that's about it. Howard said maybe the chick cares about him and she's trying to get his attention.
Howard asked what's going on with the door there. Fred said that was Sal. Howard said he's a dumb fuck. The door was making noise and it kept flying open.
Howard asked Hanzi how much money he's making. Hanzi said he gets about $100 a week. He said that he guarantees he's made money for people and he doesn't see any of it. Howard asked if he has to do chores around the house. Howard said he had to let the other caller go because he was making noise. The caller said he's driving a truck. He said he won't pick on Hanzi anymore. He said he didn't know he was special.
Howard played the new Hanzi song for Hanzi. The caller told Howard he loved the Birthday Bash. Robin asked if Hanzi watched the Birthday Bash. Hanzi said he did but then he shut it off because he was pissed off about not being there. He asked Howard if they can hook him up with Whitney Cummings. He said he thinks that she'd give him a hand job. Hanzi said if not her then Chelsea Handler. Howard said she'll move right into his basement with him. Howard said he thinks he can get Michelle Obama too. Howard said he actually might be able to get him Joan Rivers. He said she's getting older and she might want a younger man. Howard said he'll ask Whitney Cummings when she comes in. Howard said he'll put him on hold and put him on when she gets there. Howard said girls love it when guys say they want to eat their pussy. Howard said that he'll let the guy have a shot. Howard said he's pretty sure she'll want it.
Howard said he'll tell Whitney that he has a guy for her. He said he'll let the magic happen. He said she's coming in to promote her HBO special. Howard said he's not sure it's HBO. Gary told him it's Comedy Central actually. Howard played a clip from her special where Whitney was talking about guys cumming on a woman's face. She said that it's not that they like it. She said that if a woman wants you to do that then they're probably afraid you're going to break up with them. She said it buys you another month or so. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said you know a song is a hit when Big Foot kind of knows it. Howard said he knows the words about the same as he does. Howard sang along with Big Foot and said that's a big song when it gets to Big Foot. Robin said it must be huge.
Howard said Whitney Cummings is there. Howard said he has to let Hanzi have a minute with her. Howard took a look at her when she came in. Howard said she looks good. Whitney said she put on some weight and she's happy with the way she looks. Robin said she's a little curvier. Howard asked why she did that. Whitney said she put on like 15 pounds. She said she was kind of emaciated. She said she grew up with a mom who was about losing the last 5 pounds. She said that's what everyone looks like in Hollywood. She said you get dysmorphic. She said she dated a black guy and he told her she was too skinny. She said she felt she had permission to put weight on and she's glad she did.
Howard said he thinks she's not feeling she looks better. Howard said that even if he says she does then she's going to wonder if she does. Whitney said she has energy now that she's eating. She said it really works. She said she feels like she's on cocaine. Howard said he knows what that feeling is when you don't eat.
Howard said she does a bit where she talks about food. Whitney said guys get mad at them for doing things for them. She said they get mad at them for wearing heals even when it's for them. She said women wear heals so the guy will want to fuck her. She said then they wonder why they diet and won't eat certain things. She said that she's trying to keep the guy.
Howard said he wants to do something quickly. He said he has Hanzi on the phone and he has an interesting rap. He said he wants to do things to her. Howard gave Hanzi a minute to talk to her. Howard said his real name is Imran Khan. Howard said he has a great pad. He said he's free to be with her all the time. Whitney said that must mean he's unemployed. Howard gave Hanzi his shot with her.
Hanzi asked if he could eat Whitney's pussy. He started off with ''yo'' and she didn't like that part. She said the eating pussy is fine but ''yo'' doesn't work. Howard told Hanzi to try again. Hanzi asked if he could eat her pussy. His voice cracked so Whitney asked if he just went through puberty. Hanzi said he's not sure what happened there.
Whitney said that just wanting to eat pussy is a special kind of mental illness. She said there's something hot about that but guys don't usually like it. She said that she's not sure how good he'd be. Howard said he's pretty lazy so he's not sure. Howard said he doesn't think this went well for Hanzi. Howard gave him one more shot. Hanzi said if she won't do it then maybe she can put in a good word with Chelsea Handler. Whitney said she might break his jaw bone with her thighs. Howard asked her to just mention it to Chelsea.
Whitney said she just got a big confidence boost. Howard said she's beautiful and she has a career. Howard asked why she has so little success with men. Howard said she seems to attract the wrong men. Howard said she showed up to the birthday show with a guy and he heard they were fighting on the way to the show. Whitney said they were. She said they made it to the show though. Whitney said she was in a relationship with Pete Berg before that. She said that lasted like a year and a half. She said it was kind of steady. Howard asked if they cheated on each other. She said no. She said she was madly in love with him. Howard said they came over and hung out but there was a lot of fighting going on. Whitney said she thinks she might be the problem. Howard said that she even said the relationship was combustible. She told him to be prepared. Howard asked what went wrong there. Whitney said he's so busy and they're both busy. She said they spent a lot of time apart. She said she was doing a couple of shows at the same time and he was doing stuff on his own. She said they were spending a lot of energy to see each other and it got tense. She said he's a lone wolf and so is she. Whitney said it was hard.
Howard said he knows something about her relationship. Howard said they went on a ski trip and she broke her shoulder. Whitney said she broke her heart at the same time. Howard asked what happened there. Whitney said that the fighting has to be worth it and he was worth it. She said she just loves him. She said he's fascinating too. She said they went on a ski trip and she fell skiing. She said he may not have known how hurt she was. Howard said she was laying on the ground writhing in pain. Howard said she was glad she was there with her man. She said she was flat, face down and she had a snow board on her. She said you can't get up if you're stuck. She said she just learned to look at her part and she never asks for help. She said she kept saying she was fine. She said you can't expect someone to help if you say you don't want help.
Whitney said she looked down the mountain and saw Pete down like 50 feet down doing push ups. She said that he had to help her bathe for a month after that. She said she misses Pete and they're still in touch. She said she won't tell him that she's feeling that way. She said they gave it a try already.
Howard said Whitney was in an interracial relationship after that. Whitney said she felt like she wasn't racist. She said that sometimes when you're in a relationship like that you'll do racist stuff. She said she went to Dancing with the Stars with Chelsea Handler. She said that she was talking about something and this big black guy sat next to her. She said she was flirting with him and he's super good looking. She said she got up to go to the bathroom and Chelsea asked the guy to please fuck her friend. She gave the guy her number and they started texting. She said that she told Chelsea that the guy she sat next to was black. She said that she must be color blind. She said that she didn't realize it. She said Chelsea thought that was racist to say. She said being proud of not being racist is apparently racist.
Howard asked what she's doing now. Howard said it can't be hard to get a guy. Whitney said she's dating a lot. She said that she's not speed dating like Howard thought but she is dating. She said that she knows what guys want. She said she's seen porn. Howard said he saw a porn where this woman's head is in a machine that forces her head on the guy's cock. Whitney said that they were saying for a while that a guy wants a strong woman. She said the only people saying that are the women. She said guys don't want that. Howard said he is so embarrassed by what he jerks off to. He said he goes to the babysitter porn. Howard said if she did that then she'd meet tons of guys. Whitney said that guys wants nannys, waitresses and cleaning ladies. Howard said he's not looking for a genius when he jerks off.
Whitney said no one will fuck her. Howard asked how long ago she got it. She said it was only like 2 weeks ago. She wasn't going to say who it was. She said she doesn't hang out with celebrities though. She said they might hit on her because they have egos but she's not attracted to actors. She said this person was kind of a friend. She said that they wondered if they should have sex and they just did it. She said she doesn't do it with other comics either. She said that they feel like family to her.
Whitney said she feels like she's out of practice with what guys are into. She said one guy asked her if she can squirt. Robin asked if she went out with Ronnie. Whitney said that's supposed to be a secret. She said guys are really into it. She said they want to see it. Howard said he thinks it's pee. Whitney said that's the new anal. She said that guys wanted anal and now they want squirting.
Howard asked if she likes anal. Whitney said that she has done it and she thinks it can be fun. She said that she tried to squirt too. She said she had to cut her nails to try it. She said that she tried to do it in the bath tub. She said she thought she did it but all she was doing was peeing all over herself. She said she felt like she was taking a piss.
Howard asked Whitney why she feels such pressure to please a man that she has to teach herself to squirt. She said she's a go getter. Whitney said she feels like she wants to do that stuff for a man. Howard asked if her goal is to be in a marriage. She said she'd like one like Howard has. She said that most aren't like that though. She said she saw a lot of divorce as a child. She said she was against marriage for a long time. Howard asked if she could be in a calm relationship. Howard said he knows she's friends with his wife. Howard said that she adores her. Howard said that he's not sure that she's looking for a relationship though. Whitney said she did this trauma therapy thing and it's changed her hunger for drama. Howard asked about this therapy. Whitney said it's a trauma therapy. She said she had trauma growing up. She said it's not like PTSD but as a kid she was left a lot. She said she had this abandonment thing. Whitney said her mother and father weren't really there. She said she raised herself. That's why she's such a fucking mess.
Howard asked if she feels that a guy is abandoning her when he leaves her. She said that it can be like that if the guy just goes out of town. She said that's what her father did. Howard said that guys must be afraid to go out with her when they hear about that. Whitney said she's much better after doing this EMDR thing. She said it's this therapy where they do something with your eyes back and forth. She said that it mitigates anxiety and pain. She said when you go through trauma you associate things that you see with that trauma. She said that what you do is recall the event and you do this thing where they reassign the trauma in the brain. Howard asked if the guy who did this tried to fuck her. Whitney said it was actually a woman.
Howard asked if she would ever be with a woman. She said that she has sort of acted on that kind of thing but not in a consistent way. Howard asked when that happened. She said she did threesomes and stuff. Howard said that's kind of hot. Whitney said it's not hot for the girl. She said that the girl can just stand there doing nothing and it feels weird. She said that she did this couple friend so her's. She said that it wasn't really consensual either. She said that the couple broke up after it too. Howard said he wouldn't want to deal with that with his wife. He said he's pretty square when it comes to that stuff.
Howard said he would be sickened by the squirting thing. Whitney said that she feels like she has to get a tarp for the room to do that. She said it would be like Dexter. Howard said he has done anal but it's not that great. He said it's just alright. He said it's like an angry thing to do. Whitney said that it is denigrating a woman and it's angry. She said that guys like choking and doing things like that.
Howard said he watches porn but only in increments of 30 seconds. He said as soon as he finishes he's so disgusted with himself. He said he can't turn the porn off fast enough. He said he is so sickened by that.
Whitney said there is Tumblr porn too. She said they have beautiful porn and it looks consensual. She said it's gorgeous porn and the women don't look all fake. She said it's beautiful.
Howard asked if she has gone on Grindr. She said she is on Tinder. She said she got on there as a joke. Whitney said that Sia is her best girlfriend. Howard said he thought Chelsea was. Whitney said Chelsea is like her boyfriend. She said that she's a little rough on her. She said Sia is like a warm sunshine. Howard said she was fantastic on the show. Whitney said her voice is just sick. She said one day she went to the bathroom at her house and Sia was singing in the bathroom. She said she told her she should sing. Whitney said she's going to be officiating her wedding. Howard asked if Sia can squirt. Whitney said she's not sure.
Howard asked what this officiating thing is. Whitney said she went online and did the thing to get the official paperwork. Howard said that she should talk to Mark Conseulos. He said he officiated his wedding and took it seriously. Howard said he was serious and then he introduced other people to be funny. Whitney said that's smart. She said she didn't want to make it about her.
Howard asked how much she's charging Sia to officiate. Whitney said she's not sure but that's a good point. She said she should write up something.
Howard asked Whitney about how she met Sia. She said she met her at a party. Howard said he has gone to parties with Whitney and she's nuts at them. Whitney said that she doesn't go out much so she saves it all up for those parties. Howard said he brought her to a party and she pulled off her panties and pulled up her dress and started rubbing her vagina on their couch. Howard said she's the only person she has met that can do that and have the hostess be happy about it. Howard said she smashed a glass too and they were happy about that. Then she stole a big platter from the party and took it home. Whitney said that she hurt Beth too. She said she thinks that she was grabbing her to hug or dance and she didn't expect it.
Howard asked Whitney about having famous friend and if she wants to keep them apart so they won't get close. Whitney said she's not competitive like that. She said that Sia and Chelsea have met but she's not worried about that kind of thing.
Howard said Whitney has a new special coming up on Comedy Central. Howard said she had a couple of shows she was doing and it was too much pressure for her. Howard said he thinks she had a bit of a breakdown from the pressure. She said she did. Howard said he thinks that all of her comedy friends are happy she's back doing comedy. He said they don't want her having sitcoms and success in movies. Howard said Whitney is such a people pleaser that she's happier for that. Howard said she's back in her place and everyone is happy. Howard said he has never told her this but she should go tell them to fuck off and shoot for the stars. He said she shouldn't let them hold her down. Howard said she's very successful and set up for life but he knows the comedy friends. Howard said they hated her when she was on NBC every week. Howard said they all tried to drag her ass down into the mud with them. Howard said they want her back at Giggles comedy club. He said she should tell them to fuck off. Howard said he is the master of radio and he won't let any of these shit heads drag him down. Howard said fuck all of these comedian friends who are pissed at her success.
Whitney said it is interesting that she has some friends who are super successful and they don't care about that kind of thing. She said there are some people who get jealous. She said she thinks there is enough out there for everyone though. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld got up there and didn't let people get him down. Howard said fuck everyone.
Whitney said she never felt like she had a home and a family until she got into stand up. She said that's when she felt that they got how her brain worked. She said she felt alienated from them when she had the show. She said that they do serve a purpose. Howard said the bottom feeders will get angry at her and excommunicate her. Howard said they'll think she's too famous and then she wishes that she's not successful.
Whitney said that when she was told the show was canceled that people were going to like her again. She said people want you to fail so it was perfect. Howard said that's the painful shit he's talking about. Howard said those bottom feeders are never worth hanging out with. Whitney said success isn't her comfort zone. She said she feels some relief when they don't work out. Robin said that the therapy must not be working.
Howard asked if she goes to a hypnotherapist. Whitney said she does. She said she has to put in positive sayings in her head.
Howard asked if she is going to a psychic as well. She said she goes once a year. Howard said she can't believe in that. Whitney said that they're not really psychic but they can pick up on things that you don't pick up on.
Howard said that Whitney's new special is called ''Whitney Cummings I Love You'' and it's on Comedy Central Saturday night.
Whitney said that she has people asking her what she's working on even after she tells them that she has a comedy special. She said that's not enough for them. She said she's good though. She said she's fine doing that. She wondered when it became so lame to be a stand up comedian. Howard said people assume that all comics want to get off the road and be in TV. Howard said that she's happy doing stand up and that's fine. Whitney said when she wasn't able to do stand up her equilibrium was thrown off. She said that she has to do it.
Whitney said that Seinfeld said on Howard's show that he did the TV show to sell more tickets to his stand up shows. She said that's what she wants. She said she was lied to so much as a kid and she was told everything was fine. She said she knows it's not fine. She said she's sick of everything so that's what she talks about in her act. She said that she talks about what everyone is thinking about.
Whitney said she's talking to people about her special and they think that it's so edgy. She said sex isn't that edgy. Howard said it's still a little taboo.
Whitney said when she was doing this special she didn't let the guy she was dating see it. She said he couldn't even come to the club to see the act. She said she talks about her ex in it and talks about dicks being unsightly and things like that. She said that she doesn't think that's the case but she does talk about that and women shaving. Howard said he shaves down and Beth gets upset with him taking too much off. Howard said some of the hair gets longer than his penis and that's embarrassing.
Whitney asked if being fully shaved is still in. She said she had laser done on there and it doesn't come back. She said she can't go back. Howard said that he has friends who say it grew back. Whitney asked if they are Persian women. Howard said that maybe they are. Whitney said she still has some blonde hairs because they don't take the laser very well. Howard said he doesn't want to see hair on a woman. Whitney said she doesn't either. She said if she sees it in porn she turns it off.
Howard said if he sees a hairy vagina he thinks of his mom. Howard said that his mom was hanging out of her panties. Howard said she has asked him about that and why women shave. Howard said she says they're human beings and he just thinks of his poor father.
Howard said Whitney has been doing all of the shows promoting this thing. Whitney said she loves doing Chelsea's show. She said she has lost her mind lately. She said she gives zero fucks lately. She said that she gives people a lot of shit. Howard asked what she thinks about her going on Netflix. Whitney said she thinks that's great for her. She said if she's happy she'll be great. Whitney said she's taking an entire year off. Howard said he thought about doing that but he can't. Howard said he was doing 5 days a week and his therapist told him to take a year off. Howard said he probably could have done that but he thought he had momentum going so he didn't do it.
Whitney said that Chelsea is going to travel for a year. She said that's a great thing to do. Howard said maybe she needs to recharge her battery. Whitney said that she had to do something like that. She said she felt like she was falling into this pattern so she took 2 months off and went on dates and tried to get inspired. She said that it was like art was imitating art.
Whitney said that she goes on dates and throw words at a guy. She said that they play word association and it works really well. She said she was going to do it with Howard. She told Howard that a red flag might come up on a date. She said one guy said ''cunt'' when she said ''woman'' to him. She told Howard to respond to ''marriage'' and he said ''cunt.'' Howard did that with a couple of words and Whitney said that doesn't stop being funny. She thew a bunch of other words at him and she thought he sounded healthy to her. Howard threw in another ''cunt'' toward the end of that.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if Whitney has ever had a one night stand with a fan of her's. She said she has not. She said she doesn't sleep with random strangers. She said she won't have an orgasm with a one night stand. She said that she has to be with a guy long enough that she can have sex without a condom. Howard said he heard she gave herself a UTI when she was trying to learn to squirt.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if she lets guys cum on her face. She said it's not for her. She said she does it to make the guy happy. She said if she cares about someone she's going to do it for them. Robin said she should enjoy herself too. Whitney said that she can't enjoy that bitter cum that turns to rock immediately. She said that the guy gets to walk away while she's cleaning up for an hour. She said she thinks that guys lose respect for them when they let them do it. Howard asked what that looks like because you see his cock and balls and that cum face. Whitney said she closes her eyes. She said she'll do it if she's been with a guy long enough. She said she'll initiate it too. She said you just don't blind side her with it.
Howard asked what she says. She said she'll ask where he wants to. She said she gives him some choices. Howard asked if she says that in a sexy voice. Whitney said she says it really quiet. She did that for Howard and he said he likes that voice. Howard said that voice is terrific. Howard said she should stop yelling all the time. Howard said that must be the voice she used when she was so emaciated. Whitney started doing a bit where she was asking for food in that voice and she had Howard cracking up.
Howard asked if her ass is a choice for finishing. Whitney said that she thinks that guys panic and want to cum on her tits. She said that if she doesn't have to go out she'll let them do it on her face. Howard asked her to talk in her sexy voice again. He told her to give him the option of her face. Howard did his sex voice and asked if he could finish on her tits. Whitney told him she wanted him to do it on her face. Howard did a voice that sounded like Bill Clinton. Howard said he heard that Hanzi's head just exploded from this.
Howard asked Whitney about what happens when the guy gets it in her hair. She said the guy might get a towel or be funny about it. She said that he should have a good sense of humor about it and joke about it. Howard asked if it's hot for him to walk out after shooting his load. She said that is not hot. She said ideally the guy will get her a towel.
Howard tried to take a call from a woman but she didn't answer right away. Howard tried another caller and that didn't work out so well either. Howard finally got a guy on the line who said he wants to go out with her. He said he will even bring a towel. Whitney went into her sexy voice and tried talking to him but the guy talked over her.
Whitney asked if cumming inside or outside a vagina is better. Howard said inside is better. He said outside is just because of porn. He said guys want to see that stuff. Howard said that when he sees a guy's cock so big around that a woman can't get her mouth around it, he thinks about how great that would be. Howard said he has videotaped his cock a couple of times and it's gross. He said it's not an attractive thing. Whitney said sex is like hiding the dick. She said that's why guys do it.
Howard wondered if she's good at sex. Whitney said she thinks she is. Howard said he has a feeling she's not. She said that she has watched porn and she does the twist with her hand. Howard said she just did that with two hands. Howard said he has never been able to have two hands on his cock. Whitney told him to shut up. She said one hand will be on the balls and the other on the cock. Howard said she sounds like fun.
Howard asked if she is wearing underwear. Whitney said she is. She said it's hot in there. Howard said he has to have hot. He said he can't have cold.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to jerk off to her every week she was on TV. Whitney thanked him and said that is so nice. Howard said he can cum on her face. Howard gave Whitney some plugs for her comedy special and said he loves having her there. Whitney said that his guests are legends every day so she's thankful for letting her slide through. Howard said they love her. Robin agreed.
Howard asked what Whitney thinks of the word ''retard.'' Whitney said there are a lot of other words to describe that. She said that it has gotten out of hand and people want to go back to ''people of color'' for black people. She said that she thinks they should go to ''ebony'' instead. She said that's sexy. She said they use that in porn these days. Howard said that she has to calm down. Howard asked if she's done promoting. Whitney said she's going to be co-hosting on Kelly and Michel today. She said she's going to change into something different. She said Michael Strahan is going to be there and you know her and black people. Whitney said she wore a backless dress to Howard's birthday party and she wore it backwards. She said that Chelsea had to turn her around and fix the dress. She said that Dave Grohl was standing there and her tits were out next to him. Howard said he's sorry they didn't film that. Whitney said she has photos.
Howard gave Whitney more plugs and wrapped up. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard are there. Howard said hello to Wendy who Robin said she didn't recognize. Howard said that it's good to see the two of them. Wendy said that she's been watching America's Got Talent. She said her nephews and niece want to try out for it and they want to know how. Robin asked what they do. Wendy said they sing and one of them is thinking of doing something. Howard said he thinks you go on the web site and the information is there. Wendy said that Howard is the best judge. Howard said of course. He said she's very smart and what she just said is brilliant.
Howard said that there is controversy about them referring to them as ''retard'' because it's a bad word. Gary said he doesn't mind. Wendy said she doesn't mind it either. Howard said he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. Howard said he thought Retard was okay but maybe they have to rethink this thing. Howard said they have to come up with something. Gary Dell'Abate said maybe ''slow adult'' would be good. Howard asked if they were okay with that. Wendy and Gary said they were fine with that.
Wendy said something about them being challenged so Robin pointed that out. Howard said maybe she could be Wendy the Challenged. Howard said that Wendy has 9 new cats she's taking care of. Howard said she has already lost 6. Wendy said that she lost Tigger and that was her favorite. Howard asked if she lets them outside. She said she does but they don't come back the next day when she calls them. Howard said when you get a cat you should have maybe one or two and keep them indoors. Howard said bad things can happen to them. She said she wants to keep them inside. She said she changes the litter almost every day. She said they have a dog too but that doesn't run away.
Howard said that Wendy is babysitting 5 kids. Wendy said she is. She said she makes a living from that. Howard asked what she does if there is a fire. Wendy said she calls them and they come home and take care of it. She said she knows to call 911 too. Howard asked what she does when the kids get hungry. Wendy said they tell her and she makes them something. She said she can make them macaroni and cheese. She said her nephew likes mostly macaroni and cheese. She knows how to make that. Howard said she can cook more than Robin can.
Howard asked if she dresses the kids too. Wendy said yes. Howard asked what she does when they get tired. She said they lay down where they're comfortable.
Howard asked how her love life is. Wendy said it's not so good. She said that she has food stamps and she has to go to food banks and stuff to get free food. Howard said he thinks that she's saying that food is more important that her love life. Wendy said she lost her teeth from drinking Mountain Dew too.
Howard asked Gary if he's attracted to her. Gary didn't sound like he was. Howard asked Wendy about her bowling and if she has guys who are interested in her. She said she does. She said that they hang out and eat and kiss sometimes. She said that she only kissed Tim though. Howard asked if she knows what sex is. She said it's where another man and a girl have sex. Howard said she can't use the word sex when she's describing what sex is.
Howard asked Wendy if she still wears a diaper. She said she has bladder problems so she has to. She said that she cleans up her own mess. She said that she changes her diaper too. Howard asked what she does if she has to go out in the city. She said that she goes to the bathroom. She said she might have to wait hours to do that. Robin asked why she doesn't just go to the bathroom. She said she will go in the diaper because if she's working she may go accidentally in her pants. Wendy said that it saves time. She said she's trying to lose weight. She said she was 280 pounds and now she's 279.
Howard asked if the diaper is clean right now. Wendy said it is. She changed it this morning. Howard asked if she's sure. She said she is. Howard said he understands that she goes out and panhandles for money. Wendy said she does and she does it for 8 hours while her mom is at work. She said she goes to Walmart and places like that. She said she has a sign that says ''homelost'' on it. Howard asked how much money she can make. Wendy said she got a $100 bill once and she spent it all on food. Howard said that's something. Howard said being that heavy she must have a lot of problems with sweating and all of that.
Howard asked if she ever goes to the mall to make a doody. Wendy said yes. She said she goes from town to town on the bus. She said she has doody in her diaper on the bus and people will just stare at her. She said she has farted too. She said she doesn't get embarrassed though.
Howard asked if she has ever farted and shit her diaper. Wendy said yes. She said she did that on the bus. She said she had to run to the bathroom to change.
Howard asked Gary if that has ever happened to him. Gary said no. He said he's been working at the burger place for 9 years now. Howard said he's been at Burgerville for 9 years. He asked what he does. Gary said he cleans up garbage and loads up the rags and stuff. Howard said he's very proud of him.
Wendy let out a burp. She said she has had 2 Red Bulls and a Mountain Dew this morning. Robin said she thought she gave it up.
Howard asked Gary if he knows what sex is. Gary said he does. Robin said she wants to know. Howard told him to just do it to Robin. Gary said he has some experience. Howard said that Wendy has never had it. Wendy said she has had a shot that stops her period. Howard said a lot of people should be on that.
Howard said today they're playing a game with Gary and Wendy. Howard said that they have some money to give away and they're going to do a rank out contest. Howard said when he points to them they will rank out the other person. Howard said that they have a trophy for the winner. Howard said they get to take that home. He said it says ''trofee'' on it. Howard had Wendy describe it. Wendy said it has a fork and it's small. Howard said it's in a paper cup too.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some name suggestions. He said that he admires Wendy's baby sitting and she should be Wendy the Babysitter. Howard said he likes that. Howard said the word retard is going the way of the dinosaur. The caller said he likes Gary too and he falls for anything so maybe they could call him Gullible Gary or something. Howard said that's kind of insulting too.
Howard said he heard Gary is still smoking. Gary said he's trying to quit but it's hard to do. Howard asked how many he's smoking. Gary said maybe half a pack. Wendy said she doesn't smoke but she drinks. She said she just has a couple of drinks. Howard said he could hang with them all day long.
Howard asked how Wendy eats with no teeth. Wendy said her stomach tells her when to eat. She said she eats 24 hours a day. She drinks too. Howard asked if she ever stops. Wendy said one night she dreamt that Howard stole her cat and then he tried to eat her. Howard said he ate her pussycat. Wendy said she dreams mostly about Howard. Howard asked what she dreams about. Wendy said it's about bowling and beating her friend Tim. Howard asked if there is kissing involved. She said there is. Howard said he thinks she would bowl 24 hours a day if she could. She said she would.
Wendy told Howard where she eats and it was all fast food places. She said she really likes Wendy's. Howard asked if that's because that's her name. She said yes. Howard said her shits must be huge. She said yes to all of his questions. She said that she has a lot of diarrhea but mostly it's hard. Howard said ''good for you.''
Howard asked if Wendy laves her diaper at Wendy's. She said yes. Howard asked how Gary's bowel movements are. Gary said he thins that she eats too much macaroni and cheese. Howard said he's not one to give advice since he still smokes. Howard said Wendy has to stop with the Mountain Dew. Howard asked if she can eat anything hard. She said she can eat a hamburger. Howard asked if she has any teeth. She said she has one and showed it to them. Howard said she has one or two in there. Howard asked what she is doing to preserve those. She said her mom is working on getting her insurance to get her some teeth.
Howard said they're giving the two of them $2,500 each so she should use that for new teeth. Wendy said that's what she's going to do.
Howard said it's time for the rank out. Howard asked Gary to start. Gary asked what he's supposed to say. (They were feeding them lines through their headphones.) Howard said Gary knows what he has to do. Howard told him to go ahead and say it. Gary said she's so stupid her brain is in her diaper. Wendy said she has more yeast infections than Gary.
Howard said this is a rank out contest. He said Gary and Wendy have said something to each other. Howard said this goes on a lot. Howard asked Robin to keep score along with the other guys in the studio.
Howard told Gary to go head. Gary said he would like to have sex with the diaper but not her. Wendy said ''Gary you're so ugly when I shit my diaper this morning I thought I gave birth to you, you fucking retard.'' Wendy said she just said retard and she doesn't give a shit. Fuck you Howard, I'm a retard and I'm proud.
Howard had Gary go again. Gary said something about being smarter than Benjy's head. Wendy said she wouldn't fuck him with Howard's dick. Gary said Wendy ate her teeth. Wendy said his face ''looks like Ronnie's balls ...you fucking retard.'' Gary told her to try not to step on her tits. Howard said they're pretty good at this.
Wendy said Gary is so dumb it takes him an hour to make Minute Rice. Gary said something about being smarter than her. Wendy said he's so stupid that he puts cat food in his mother's pants to feed her pussy. Howard said Wendy is brutal in this. Howard asked Wendy if society has abused her so she's taking her aggression out on Gary. Wendy said she's just hungry and cranky.
Howard said he bets she has a full load in her diaper. Howard asked Gary what he had to say to Wendy. Gary said she's so stupid she can't spell KFC. Wendy said Gary is so stupid... and something about a fish. She said he's so dumb that he got hit by a parked car. Gary said that she reminds him of one of Ronnie's tattoos. Wendy said he's so ugly that JD wouldn't fuck him and he'll fuck anything and he's a fat, ugly slob. She said he's the retard, not her.
Howard said it's time to judge. Robin said he can't stop them. Wendy said she won and she wants a pizza. Howard said she gets this trophy. Wendy said she wants a pizza and a bowling ball. Howard said both Gary and Wendy went at it and they were very prepared. Howard said he was impressed. Howard asked Robin who she votes for. Robin said she gave a point to the person who had the best comeback. Robin said she has it 6 to 5 in favor of Gary. Wendy told Robin to eat her diaper. Wendy said she's black so how could she not vote for her. She said this is a ''black on crime''.
Howard asked Fred how he scored it. Fred said he has a different outcome. He said that they both have maybe 10 teeth between them. He said that Wendy was way better on the retort. He said he's giving it to Wendy. Wendy said Fred might be weird but she loves him. Howard asked Gary what he has to say. Gary said he can't hear. Then he told Fred to go back to Mars. Gary asked if his real name is Eric.
Benjy said he loves Gary so much. He said that he thought he was great. He said that Wendy was great too and he gave her the win. Wendy said thank you and said she'd stick her finger in his ass and lick it like Nutella. Gary told him to stick a fist in his ass.
Howard said he respects everyone. He said that Wendy came on like a tornado. Howard said she was like a Sharknado. Howard said he thinks Wendy won the trophy. Gary said ''Bullshit!'' Howard had Wendy give a speech. Wendy said that she loves Howard and she can't stop dreaming about him. Gary said Wendy won because she blew the judges. Wendy said at least she knows how to blow you dummy. Gary said she blew farts out of her butt. Wendy said it's no wonder why he lost.
Howard said it's always good to see them. Howard said Gary came all the way in from Oregon. Howard said Wendy came from a far away place too. Wendy told Gary to watch himself because she's black. Gary said at least he has a job. Wendy said that her job is beating him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this was brilliant. He asked who would let Wendy baby sit their kids. Gary said she's going to eat them. Howard asked Wendy if she is going to do that. Wendy said that she will and she puts mustard on them. She said that she'd eat Gary too. Gary told her to eat his asshole. Wendy said she'd eat anyone. She said she'll even eat the caller, Frank.
Howard said they have to end this thing. Wendy said she wants to write a horror movie. Gary said there's a horror movie in her diaper. Howard said they're going to call Wendy ''Wendy the Specially Challenged Person'' and Gary is ''Gary the Conqueror.'' Wendy said ''Gary'' is dumb enough. Gary said Wendy is just Shithead.
Howard said the game was sponsored by Biker Battleground Phoenix and that is on the History Channel. Howard wrapped up and thanked Gary and Wendy for coming. Wendy said she has a dumb name for Gary. it was Gary Dell'Abate. She said he can't get dumber than that. Howard ended it a short time later and went to break.
Howard came back and said he has thinks to do. He said some of the guys say the green room smells kind of funny so Wendy may have had an accident. Robin said that puts a cherry on top. Howard said that's a good way to look at life. Howard asked if he should ask her if she had an accident. Robin told him to go ahead.
Howard had Wendy come back in. Howard asked Wendy if she had an accident in her pants. Wendy said ''Uh, yes.'' She said she had it during the contest. She said she got excited and lost control. Howard asked when it happened. Wendy said she passed gas toward the beginning and toward the end. Howard asked what she's going to do about it. She said she's going to clean herself up in the bathroom. She said they don't have to worry about her cleaning her mess up.
Howard asked Gary to help Wendy clean herself up. Howard said she can pull down her pants and Gary will do the rest. Howard let her go after that.
Howard told Gary to help her. He said that's his job. Howard asked if the bathroom will be messy after she's in there. Robin asked how it could not be. Howard laughed.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said this was a pretty epic week. He said between Benjy... Howard added Donald Sterling. Jeff said he got his girl in the mail. Howard said they sent him that sex doll. Howard said the thing is heavy. He said Jeff only has one arm. Howard said he must be a good friend if he's willing to ask for help with that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that it's so obvious that Whitney has a crush on Howard. She said she's very flirtatious with him. Howard said he doesn't think so. Robin said she's absolutely in love with him. She said she wants to bowl against him. Howard said she's talking about Whitney and not Wendy. Robin said Whitney does too. Howard said he is in love with himself too. He said she has no idea what she's missing out on with him.
The caller asked if she would play a Tan Mom game. Howard said he doesn't have one today. The woman said she'd call back another time.
Howard said Wendy drew some crayon paintings of him. He said two of them had devil horns on them. He said he must have been bad that day.
Robin started her news with a story about how most American's think that the Iraq war was not worth it. Robin read the details and said that 71 percent of people say it was not worth the cost. Robin said that people are holding it against Obama and his approval rating is only at 37 percent now. Howard said he doesn't blame Obama. Howard said it was all for nothing.
Robin asked how much Howard thinks people should read to their kids. Howard said his parents never read anything to him. He said that he had no clue that's what you were supposed to do. He said he thought you just stuck them in front of the TV set. Howard said he read to his kids and he made sure he did it. Robin asked how often he did that. Howard said it was a couple of times a week. Robin said they say that pediatricians are going to suggest doing it every day. Howard asked who has time for that.
Howard said he knows people who don't spend any time with their kids at all. He said they really don't want the kids. He said it's full time babysitting. Howard said he and Robin are very selfish people. He said he did put in a lot of time with his kids when they were young. Robin said she was impressed. Howard said he did it all. He read and took trips to the zoo and all of that. He said he did his time. Robin said they say that the biggest brain development takes place in the first 3 years. Howard said Wendy just sent a note asking someone to please read to her.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked about having a Stern Show guest hall of fame. He said Perez Hilton belongs in there. He said they could name a hall after Tiny Tim. Howard said Tiny was great. Robin said Sam Kinison would have to be in there. Tommy said Whitney belongs in there too. He said she was great today. Howard thanked him for the call and said he likes that idea.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just watched the birthday show last night. He said the guitar stuff was off the hook. Howard said it's fun to watch those guys wailing away on the guitar. The caller said he also liked it when Beth came up and cried. He said he's been listening since 1/9/06 and he loves him. He said he's changed his life. He thanked the guys for all they do and said he hopes they continue.
Howard said he didn't know Beth was on stage crying that night. He said he knew she was up there but he didn't know the tears were there until he watched the vide. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the US playing Germany in the world cup today. Robin said that will determine if they can go on to the next round. Robin said something happened yesterday in the Italy and Uruguay game. Robin said that one of the players bit another player. Robin said that he may be banned from playing the rest of the world cup. He has gotten into trouble for doing the same thing in the past. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone watches that shit. Robin said the games are excruciating. Robin said that they don't score and they just run up and down the field. Howard said he pictures Robin sitting there wondering why she beat cancer just to sit around watching that shit. Robin said she was thinking she may never see the end of Game of Thrones while she was going through the cancer thing. Howard went into a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin had some audio of Joan Lunden announcing that she had breast cancer. Howard said she just kind of went away and never came back. Howard wondered if she just had so much money she didn't have to work. Howard said it's amazing to him when people just disappear and you never hear from them again. Howard asked if they cut off the boobs and reconstruct them. Robin said she's undergoing Chemo right now and she may get radiation treatment later on. Robin said that Robin Roberts was doing the interview and she found out it wasn't a mammogram that found the cancer. Robin said it was an ultrasound that found it. Robin said she heard about a 3D mammogram that is supposed to be more accurate. Howard wondered if he would get extra big implants if he had that surgery. Robin said probably not. Robin had more audio of Joan talking about how she found the cancer. Howard said the only good thing about cancer is if other women don't like you, when you get cancer they do like you. Howard said he may go on Letterman and tell people he has something to get people to like him.
Howard asked Robin if she gets the mammogram every year. Robin said of course she does. Howard said he wants to photograph her getting that done. Robin said she just had it done so they'll have to wait a year. Robin said they just smash your breast in a machine. Robin said they put you in at an awkward angle and your breast tissue is all on this plate and they lower this thing on it until you're about to scream. Howard said they could fill Madison Square Garden with that show. Robin said the 3D mammogram may be that pain and humiliation but it might show better what's going on. Howard asked if anyone has asked to kiss one of those things. Robin said they have not. She said it's not like that when you get it done.
Robin told Howard that he completely erased from her mind that David Hasselhoff used to be a judge on AGT. Howard said that Howie actually replaced him. He said they still laugh about that.
Robin read about a quadriplegic man who has a new thing where he can use his hand with his thoughts. Robin said he may be able to jerk off some day. Howard said that would be great if he did that as the first thing he did with the hand. Robin said the guy had a diving accident 4 years ago. Howard asked why anyone would dive into a pool. There are so many accidents.
Robin read about how stressed people don't vote. Robin said that's what leads to lower voter turn out. Robin read the details of the study.
Howard said his parents always voted and they made a point to tell him to always do that. Howard said this idea of voting because it's too stressful is crazy. He asked if Hanzi is in that group. Howard said if voting is stressing them out then they have a big problem.
Robin read a story about a study done about atheists marrying into a religious family. Robin said that atheists were the least liked people in the study. Howard asked who the fuck would care. He said he must be built from something completely different.
Robin read about the 50th anniversary of the civil rights act. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said he thought she said 15th.
Robin read a story about John Kerry being in Iraq and had some audio of him speaking. Howard said that guy is scary looking with whatever he did to his face. Howard said he must have had a face lift. Howard said they don't know for a fact he did but his face did change a lot. Robin said she wonders what happened to him every time she sees him.
Robin read about a tornado that touched down in Indiana. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on how a camping trailer ended up on his house. The guy said it was like total destruction out there. Robin said that the tornado had winds at up to 110 miles per hour. Robin had more audio of a woman talking about how bad it was. Howard read a live commercial a short time later.
Robin read a story about pilot error being party of an Asiana airlines crash last summer. Robin said that the NTSB has come out with their discovery of what happened in that crash. Robin said the crew wasn't familiar with the plane and the three pilots made some errors as they came in for a landing.
Robin said that the Queen of England is a Game of Thrones fan. Robin said she's 88 and she toured the set of the show in Northern Ireland. Robin said she saw the thrown but did not sit on it. Robin said the queen's husband was also there.
Robin read a story about the world cup causing some tension up on the International Space Station. Robin said there is a German astronaut up there and he's up there with some Americans. Robin said they'll be watching the cup up there tomorrow. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about how Georgia has extended the rights of gun owners. Robin said it goes into effect next week and they're concealed carry rights. Robin said some people are trying to put an end to it before it ends. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how this isn't safe in a public outing such as a concert or something like that.
Howard said Sal is always trying to prove to him he's smart. He said he emailed him a story about time travel and how it could be possible. Howard said he sent it from this web site called TheWeek.com. Howard said he knows Sal just saw it and sent it to him like ''Hey, look what I read.'' Howard asked Sal if he wants to come in and explain the story to them. Howard said he knows Sal doesn't know. Howard read some of the story and then Sal came in. Howard asked Sal why he sent it out. Sal said he thought it was interesting. He said he doesn't understand it. Howard said he posts stuff so he'll think he's smart. Sal said he posts articles that people will find interesting. Howard asked if he knows how to spell physicist. Sal was able to do it. Howard said maybe he does understand this.
Howard asked what Sal is doing. Sal said he has Wendy and Gary in the back making prank calls to Eric the Midget. He said it's great. He said he loves having them there.
Howard read more of the time travel article and said there is no way Sal had any idea what they were talking about. Howard said he has no idea himself. Howard read it to Robin and Robin asked what they determined. Howard said they determined that Sal can't follow this at all. Howard said Sal sent him an article about natural food products not being accurate. He said Sal has no idea what that meant either.
Robin read a story about how Google is releasing a TV set top box today. Robin said that they have had other Google TV devices but they haven't been very successful. Robin said their Google Chromecast has been a bit of a hit though.
Robin read a story about Carmelo Anthony announcing he's going to be a free agent. Robin said that Lebron James made the same announcement. Robin said that they're saying that there is no chance he'll come to New York. Gary said it's all about the salary cap. He said if it was next year it could have worked out.
Robin read a story about it being the 5th anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. Howard said he didn't think he could live in a world without Michael Jackson. Robin had Howard play some of his music. Robin also had some audio of Jermaine Jackson announcing his brother had died. Howard said it's a sad ending to a big talent.
Robin read about how Paul McCartney has had to post some video of himself to prove he's okay. Robin said he had to take some time off from touring because he was ill. Robin had some audio of Paul talking about how he feels great and he's going to plan more dates in the United States.
Howard said Adam Levine had to make an announcement yesterday too. He said he didn't have it but maybe Fred does. Fred said he'd see if he could find it. Fred played the clip which was a parody of Ringo Starr's ''peace and love'' video.
Robin read a story about the lyrics to ''Like a Rolling Stone'' were up for sale yesterday and they sold for $2 million. Robin said they were written on a sheet of paper. Robin said it broke a record for something like that.
Robin read a story about how the world's tallest water slide will open in Kansas City, Kansas on Sunday. Robin said it's at a water park out there. Robin said it's 168 feet 7 inches tall. Robin said riders will have to climb to the top to ride it. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
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Jon said that Howard said Sal was sending that article to him to make himself look smart. Sal said that's just not true. He said that he browsed the story and he thought it was interesting enough that smarter people would get it. He said he found it interesting enough that maybe Jason would find it interesting. Jon asked Sal what he means when he says ''browsed.'' Sal said he skimmed it and he thought it was interesting.
Jason said to be on Sal's side he thinks that a lot of them do stuff like that. He said he thinks a lot of people just read a headline and post it. He said they don't always read the whole article. Jason said that what was funny about that time travel thing is that 3 words into it you need a doctorate just to understand it.
Sal said he did say he read a sentence or two and he didn't understand it. Jason said he should label it and say that he doesn't understand it.
Gary asked Sal about the one about what's in our food. Sal said he doesn't know what that one is. He didn't remember posting that. Gary said it was just a couple of days. Jason said it was about a certain label they put on food. Sal said it doesn't sound interesting enough for him to put up there. Gary said that it sounds like he doesn't want to do his work and he's putting it up there for someone else to do it. Sal said that's not the case. He said he found the time travel thing to be interesting and maybe someone else could understand it.
Jon asked Jason if he posts stuff to make him look smarter. Jason said he doesn't need to do that. He said there is a race to put up articles and you read a headline without reading the whole thing. He said that the headlines can be very misleading. He said there is someone there who posts stuff that's so fake and they tell them it's fake all the time. He said it's clear that the person isn't reading the whole article. Gary said that it is worth reading to make sure it's not fake. Jason said if you don't understand it then say you don't.
Jon said they were talking about Benjy and if this is his best week ever. Jon said he thinks that it is. He asked Gary if he thinks it is. Gary said it's his biggest for notoriety. Jason said this isn't even close. He said this was amazing but his greatest week was the Anna Nicole Smith thing. He said it happened organically and he went out to eat with her with the E! cameras following him. He said Anna was still a big star back then. Gary said he thinks that the finger will be remembered over that. Jason said that they will remember the finger in the ass but in terms of national media spotlight it was the Anna Nicole Smith thing.
Jon asked if they have noticed the change in Benjy. Jason said he seems shell shocked. Sal said he thinks he feels good about the whole thing. He said he has some pep in his step. Gary said he thinks that he has no shame. He said there is no sorrow or shame. Jason said that he was talking to Benjy yesterday and he came off a bit uneasy about the whole thing. He said he seemed off kilter a bit.
Sal said that it's times like yesterday that he was really happy he didn't do that. He said his aunt just passed away and the day he got fingered he had to meet up with the family. Sal said he was at the wake and he was thinking about family listening to the show and how they would look at him like ''what the fuck did you do'' while he's up there. He said it was a moment where he was glad he didn't do it.
Jon said Sal has done some things that would make his family feel that way. Sal said he has. He said it can be tough to face your relatives after stuff like that. Gary said he doesn't think Benjy goes to a lot of family functions. He said he doesn't think he belongs to any clubs or anything. He said it's like he was built for this. He said that it's just Benjy and Elisa hanging out.
Jason said that Benjy never puts his age out there and he's very conscious of how he looks. He said that some of it is shtick and annoying but some of it is him just trying to look good. Jason wondered where he is. Jon said he has no idea.
Gary asked Sal if he asked him to do this if he would do it. Sal said he would consider it. He said that it would be pressure on him though. Jon said he thinks he'd do it. Sal said he would do it for Howard.
Gary said they asked Sal to do something and Sal didn't want to do it. Sal said he didn't want to talk about it. He said it's about his whole facial regimen in the morning. He said they thought it would be interesting to tape for the web site. Sal said he doesn't want to do that. He said his kids might see it. He said it's embarrassing. Sal said it makes him cringe. Gary said there are so many other things out there already though. He said this is so vain. Sal said that it's embarrassing with how much stuff he does.
Gary said that Sal's eyes are white and pale and he has a reverse bandit mask. Sal said he fell asleep out fishing with sunglasses on. He said he can't win because he can't get the color around his eyes right.
Jon said he thinks that Richard might do the finger in the ass thing. Sal said that Richard wanted to suck Ronnie's cock. He said that the stuff he pitches baffles him at times. Gary said that he pitches a lot of stuff where he's naked and things like that. He said Richard thinks it's funny if they say it's a gay act. Gary said funny trumps everything. He said that even blowing Ronnie is funny to Richard.
Sal said that Richard loves his penis as a prop. He said 3 out of 4 meetings he'll incorporate his dick into a bit. He said when it comes to penis there is no one better at mixing that into a comedy bit than Richard.
Richard came in and Jon asked if he was jealous of Benjy. Richard said he's so glad it wasn't him. He said he was laughing really had and it's a great bit but he's glad it wasn't him. He said they got a ton of material out of that bit too. Richard said it's fun to look at someone else doing a bit like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal is funny not wanting to do the tape of his morning stuff when he has video of him getting his taint licked out there. Sal said he knows that. He said he sees those videos and they were hilarious. He said the worst part is that it was him but the good part is that it's funny. Gary asked if his family ever talked about that. Sal said that they don't and that can be worse than them saying something. He said that he feels like he's being judged. Richard said that he knows that feeling. He said he went to mixed martial arts classes at the time and he wondered if the guys in the class knew about it and were going to treat him differently.
Sal asked if Gary has ever had a moment like that. Gary said walking in there the Monday after the pitch was bad. He said Will just looked at him in a way that made him feel so bad. Sal said he feels safe in there because they make him feel safe. Richard said he loves it when he and Sal do things and then someone brings up Gary's bad pitch.
Sal said he goes to a pizza place and this big guy found out he worked there. He said a week later the guy said he saw him crying like a bitch when Howard told him he was retiring. He said that he was so embarrassed by that after years of being a regular guy in the shop. They went to break after that.
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Richard said he and Wendy both love horror movies. He said he used to live in Orlando so he had a discussion with her about Halloween Horror Nights at Universal. Gary asked if they know Richard and Sal's names. They do. Gary said he doesn't know if Gary knows his real name. He said he calls him Baba Booey all the time.
Jon said Wendy has a lot going on with the cats and the food stamps. Gary said Wendy put on a bit of weight but Gary doesn't look any different. He said he hasn't aged. Sal said maybe everything about them is stunted. He said retard means to slow down the process so maybe that's slowed down too. Gary asked how old Gary is. They think he's about 56. He's still smoking and they said he was asking for one of those E-cigarettes like Sal uses. Gary said according to IMDB Gary is 62 years old. Richard said he doesn't believe that. Gary said he thinks he does because he remembers him being in his 50s many years ago.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary and Wendy were great but he wants to laugh and throw up at the same time. Gary said that can happen with the show.
The caller asked Gary how his typing lessons are going. Gary said he may get to his Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing thing this vacation. He said he's still hunting and pecking.
Jon said that Gary the Retard seemed kind of surprised that Wendy wore a diaper. Sal said he thinks she has it together. He said she functions and she baby sits. He said maybe she has a loose rectum. Richard said he thinks she has bladder issues. Sal said a lot of women do. He said they will laugh or sneeze and then they'll say they peed a little. He said that's gross. Gary asked if that's because it's not enough for him. Sal said it's usually an older person at Thanksgiving who will pee a little and it's gross.
Jon asked about Gary the Retard talking about how he knows about sex. Shuli said he has been to a strip club with Gary and he knows what he'd like to do. Sal said he knows that he knows how to masturbate. He said that this guy Jason was his handler out on the road on the West coast. He said that Gary whacked off all night out there. Shuli said he was masturbating and smoking and coughing at the same time with this guy.
Jon said the trophy they had today was interesting. Gary said it was a paper cup with a fork stuck in it and it had the word ''trofee'' written on it. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said Whitney was talking about how Howard is the kind of guy she'd like to marry. Gary said she seems to like turmoil and drama and Howard isn't into that. Jon said she's also trying to teach herself how to squirt. Sal said that's great. He said it's amazing. Gary said that she decided that squirting is the new anal. Gary said that he liked that she talked about the cumming on the face thing and how she'll let the guy do it if she doesn't have to go out that night.
Sal said he thinks there are women out there who like a load on the face. He said he'll say maybe 2 out of 5 women like it. Gary said inside the house there are 0 but outside there are 2 out of 5. Jon asked if he thinks the women get off on it. Sal said it's a mutual thing. Jon asked Sal if he would let a woman pee on him. Sal said that's a dumb question. Sal said he wouldn't let a woman shit on him. He said if he can do whatever he wanted to a woman he thinks he could close his eyes and nose for a minute. Shuli asked what he would do. Sal said he'd have to sit down and plan it out.
Jon asked how Gary would deal with that scenario. Gary said he thinks that women do it for the man's enjoyment. He said he's not sure if there's an equivalent for a man. Gary asked Sal how many women he thinks are into the shitting thing. Sal said not many. He said in Germany maybe 5 out of 5. Sal said he thinks that one in 100,000 women would be into shitting and maybe 1 in a million would be into vomiting.
Jon asked Richard what he would choose. Richard said he'd go with the vomit thing. Gary said that he's not sure how to answer that. Gary said he really doesn't know. He said he might have to go with the poop over the vomit. He said just talking about vomit is making him sick.
Richard said that Sal is into that vomit video where women are gagging on the guy's cock. Gary said he likes those videos where the women look like Cujo.
Sal asked what Jon would take. Jon said he'd take the shit. Jon said that Gary was wrong about Sal watching the porn. He said he used to watch it. Gary said that Sal got rid of his porn but he still goes in to JD's office to see it. Sal said that JD is kind of an enabler. He said he had a stack of porn in there and he diddled through it. He said JD thought he was back but he's really not. He said he didn't pull anything out of the pile. He said he's trying to restrain from it. He said he still has to do it once in a while.
Richard said JD is all about the big ass videos and he will get pissed if Sal takes any of that. Gary said he remembers being around some guys who had some porn around and one of the guys picked up an Asian porn thing that they were shocked to see him pick up.
Sal said they had a sales guy at K-Rock who saw the Chynna porn video and he said that was disgusting. Then he picked it up and asked if they minded if he borrowed it for a bit.
Jon asked Shuli to give them his news headlines today. Shuli ran down his list of stories and then the guys wrapped up and ended the show. They were done around 11:05am.
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Jon asked if JD is caught up in the World Cup games. JD said he is. He said he'll be sitting in his office at 12 to watch. Jon asked if he's bothered that people are caught up in it that aren't usually. JD said it doesn't bother him. He said he's just a casual fan himself.
JD said he can watch just about any live sporting event. He said he watched handball for Christ sake. JD said he knows Shuli likes some team. Jon said they have someone there who really hates world cup. He said he'll have to get him down there to talk about that.
Jon said Benjy said he was going to come in today to talk about this. He hasn't come in at all this week. He said he wants to hear from him what's really going on. He said he thinks he loved the attention he got and how he had a celebrity do it to him. Jon said now it's done and the aftermath is coming. He said that people will look at Benjy the same way but this was a little beyond the crazy he usually does.
JD said he hasn't looked at him weird at all. Jon asked if he expected him to do this. JD said he did. Jon said he thinks that he was going to lose the weight no matter what.
Jon said he has the person who dislikes the World Cup. It's Scott Salem. Scot said he thinks too much is made out of it. He said it's once every 4 years and there is so much hype over a game that pretty much nobody in the United States cares about. Scott said he watched it but just the U.S. game. Jon said he's contradicting himself. Scott said he cares about the U.S. team but that's it. Jon said he was yelling about the World Cup games. Scott said he would never follow the MLS. Jon said this isn't the MLS though. Jon said people seme to get behind it and it is gaining popularity. Gary said on Sunday night they had the most viewers ever. Gary asked when you see crowds like they've seen lately. Scott said obviously people want to see the U.S. win. He said once they're out of it then will anyone watch? He said he knows it will go to almost nothing. Gary said it will be big but not as big a drop off as he thinks.
Gary said his mailman did his route as early and fast as he could so he could go and watch the Columbia game. Scott said people like that should root for the American's. He said that they live here so root for those teams. Scott said he will not watch another game if the American's are out. Jon asked if he really thinks that everyone not from this country should forget about where they come from and root for the U.S.. Scott said they should go back to their country and root there. Gary asked Scott if he moved to Italy would he still root for the Mets? Jon asked if he should root for the NY Teams because he lives in New York. Scott said people can root for whoever they want. Gary asked if his neighbor who is from Germany should root for the U.S. instead of Germany. Scott said yes.
Benjy asked if people should be speaking English when they move to America. Gary said he thinks you have to take on some of the things in this country. He said if he moved to Italy he'd have to learn Italian. He said it's not required to be a fan of the U.S. Gary said he was on his way in this morning and he knows the game starts at noon today. He said he's caught up in the fever a bit. He said it's rare as a country you can root for something. Gary said this is one of those times that feels like the 1980 hockey team and how everyone came together to root for them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he still thinks Soccer is a second tier sport but he can get behind it. Gary said that there isn't much else going on in sport so this is an interesting distraction.
Jon took another call from a woman who said she wanted to say that it's offensive that Scott is saying that he can't get into soccer. She said her whole family is into it and everyone she knows is into it. Jon said it's not all about soccer. He said it's about how he's upset about people living here are rooting for other teams.
Gary said it's interesting that they get 180,000 people at a stadium and it is curious that they can get so many there. Jon said that American Football can get that kind of attention.
Jon said that they have the great Jason Mantzoukas sitting in. He asked Jason what he thinks about what Scott was saying. Jason said he thinks that's odd. Scott was saying that if your team sucks and you're rooting for them and not America then he doesn't understand it. Scott said if you come here to live in this great country then why root for that other team. Jason asked if he moved to L.A. would he have to root for those teams? Scott didn't really have an answer.
Gary said he saw a friend who was rooting for the L.A. Kings on Twitter and he wondered what that was about. He said that he had a good explanation about how he had moved out there 20 years ago and became a fan so that made sense.
Jon said he's glad that Benjy is there. He said that he wanted to talk to Jason Mantzoukas too. Jason said Benjy is standing and he's wondering if there is a reason for that. Jon said he usually stands actually.
Jon said Benjy hasn't spoken much about the fingering. He asked him to talk about that because he thought he was on his way to losing the weight. He said there was no question in his mind that he was going to do it. Benjy said he thought he was doing pretty well. He would have had to have lost 15 more pounds in the next month. Jason asked if he was doing this just for Elisa.
Benjy said he backed himself into a corner and he figured by the time he got there in the weight loss challenge then nothing was going to happen. He said he was scared that if he tried to hide how much he was losing then they weren't going to do anything and it would be a fizzle. Gary said they would have had a weigh in but nothing would have happened.
Jon said he has the feeling that Benjy wanted this to happen. Jason said that Elisa said the same thing. Benjy said that a lot of people won't believe it but he has no sexual desire for men. Gary asked if he thinks he performed a gay act. Benjy said yes. He said legally it would be a gay act. Benjy said there was no desire to it. Jason said the intention wasn't for sexual pleasure. Benjy said right. He said if he goes to a strip club and women are all over you it's likely that she's just there making money and not desiring you.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Benjy is a brilliant guy and he wonders if he thinks that he will always be remembered as the guy who was finger banged by Perez Hilton. Benjy said he's not worried about it in that way.
Jon asked Gary if he has spoken to Benjy about him trying to kiss him during that whole thing. Gary said he hasn't. He told Benjy to tell them what he was thinking. Benjy said he heard them talking about it the other day. Benjy said he does think that he could have gotten Gary to do it though comedic seduction. He said pulling on his neck he thinks he was comfortable uncomfortable with it. Benjy said he would never actually make contact with him. He said he lets the other person pull back if they want to. Benjy said he knows there's a guy who has been doing that lately and he goes too far. Benjy said he would broach that but not actually do it. He said he wouldn't have forced a kiss on Gary.
Gary said Jackie tried to do the same thing to him. He said he thinks that Jackie borderline raped him on the channel 9 show. He said he was pinned down and Jackie put his lips on his lips. Scott was laughing so Jon asked if he remembers that. Scott said he does. Benjy said he thinks if he locked eyes with Gary that he would have done it.
Gary said it wouldn't have happened. He said he thinks that Benjy was in a shtick coma and he was trying to get laughs. He said he was trying to do something even funnier during that segment. Jason asked how much of the screaming was bit screaming and how much was real. He said fingering can't hurt that much. Benjy said it was more a scream out of disassociation. He said it's like going into a really cold shower. He said there was an initial shock to it. He said the finger went in and to get through it he screamed. He said he was having fun with it as an improv. He said he was screaming and almost disassociating himself from the moment. Gary said he got that. He saw it going on and he knows what he's saying.
Benjy said he was thinking about going up there and how they could have had all of these people doing things in there. He said he wanted to invite a saxophone guy up there but Gary put a stop to that. Jon said that he didn't need anything else. He said the finger alone was enough for a lot of them there.
Jason said it sounds like Benjy wanted the finger because that was the expectation. Benjy said he even surprised himself. He said if he lost the bet he would have gone through with it. He said he was worried about the scale problems. He said he would have done it though.
Jon asked if he could have gone for another couple of minutes. Benjy said he was afraid that Perez was going to get more physical. Gary asked if he was wiggling his finger at all. Benjy said he thinks he was. He said there was movement down there. Jon asked if it was Perez or Benjy moving. Benjy said he doesn't really know. He said he was screaming ''harder, harder'' but he was just joking an he wasn't sure if Perez knew that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said those are the best moments on the show. Jon said that Perez was up for it and then Benjy was going to go for it. He said Howard just shepherds him along and it happens. Jason said he remembers when Gary said they could do it right now. Gary said he remembers coming into work about 10 years ago and someone called in and told Howard to run for Governor. He said a couple of hours later Howard had a press conference and then he was running.
Scott asked Benjy about the finger being a gay act. He asked if a woman sticking her finger in there is a gay act. Benjy said it's kind of like sexual harassment. Jon asked Scott why he's bringing up women sticking a finger up the ass. He said this isn't the first time he's brought it up. Jon asked if this is something he gets off on. Scott said no but Ronnie talks about it all the time.
Benjy said he has had his prostate stimulated but he doesn't like a finger in the ass for that. He said that he doesn't like women sticking their finger up there. He said he'd rather have it under the balls.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's always been a Benjy fan. He said he has shown a greater commitment to the show than anyone he can remember. He said if not for the show then it's for his girlfriend. He said Perez Hilton has become a legend just like Gary said. He said that he doesn't think that Artie ever would have done this.
Benjy said there are different lines for everyone. He said that Elisa pointed something out to him. He said he didn't take his hat off during the fingering. Gary said he had his blazer on too. Benjy said he wouldn't have taken his hat off because he hates the way he looks with it off. Benjy said that this is about trying to get over something that people are going to judge you on.
Jon asked if he has sex with his hat on when he's having sex with Elisa. Benjy said he used to but he doesn't anymore. He said he was very embarrassed to be naked in front of her at first too.
Jon asked Scott if he can relate to this since he was willing to get anal from a porn star. Scott said he wasn't ''willing'' to do it. Jon said he was too. Gary agreed. Scott said he doesn't want to talk about it. He said maybe he was. He said he got greedy and didn't think about the consequences of it. Gary said he could offer him a million dollars to do something but there has to be a level in his mind that says you're willing to do something. He said he doesn't think it was all about money for Scott. Benjy said that gets back to the question about what's wrong with that. He said if it's medical then it's okay but maybe he wants to challenge himself to see if he can do it. Jason said that's an unusual challenge. He said saying you want to be raped by a man is an odd challenge. Benjy said this was all based on a Stephen King short story from a book called Blood and Smoke. (Gary later said it was a movie called ''Cat's Eye'') He explained what the story was and said that's where he got it from. He said it was humorous and it was to encourage him to lose the weight.
Jon said that Scott was up for a penis in his ass from Lexington Steele. He said that's a big difference. Jon said he didn't go through with it though. Scott said he has had fingers in his ass. He said he's had two and they were male. They were from his doctor though. He said his doctor goes in with two. He said he has to feel the size of the prostate.
JD said he thinks in the swinging days he may have done that. Scott said it could have but he doesn't remember. Scott said medically it didn't hurt but it was uncomfortable. He said he wasn't in pain.
Jon asked if he would have done what Benjy did. Scott said he doesn't have to do that. He said he wouldn't be willing to do it at all. He said he's still being harassed over that cock in the ass thing that he didn't even go through with.
Benjy said he went to the bathroom with a guy who told him he did great work last week. He said there is praise for this stuff. Jon said that if it happened to Scott he might be ashamed. Jason said he thinks that he was willing to do it for money but Benjy did this even though he wouldn't have had to. He said he still took it and he thinks he wanted it to happen. He said he thinks he likes all of this that's going on now. Benjy said there was something to that. He said that Perez made it really big so this was incredible.
Gary said this was all about Benjy. He said Benjy enjoyed having the spotlight and the spectacle. Jason said he's going to have that for a while too. Benjy said he does sacrifice things for the show and he thinks he owes it back. Gary asked if this was one of those things. Benjy said not really. He said this was more about his commitment to comedy maybe. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
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Benjy said it was like an acting role. JD said that's what it was and he can act. Jon said he thinks that he pulled it off very well. Jon asked what went on with Heidi back stage before that. JD said that deodorant was talked about back there. He said that's all he'll say. JD said she had his name written on her hand so it was great.
Benjy said if JD had been himself and let his thoughts out he would have been uncomfortable. He said he just let it all hang out and he was a stud. Jon said he thinks JD was great.
Jason said JD has a real stage presence that doesn't always come out on the air. Jon said he's Hollywood Harmeyer now. Benjy said it's the finger thing and it's very much the same thing.
Jon took a call from a woman who said the birthday show is amazing and she loves watching it over and over. She asked Gary if they had anything that didn't end up there. Gary said that they asked everyone to come but he's very happy with the lineup they had. He said it all started with Jimmy Kimmel. He said that he told Jimmy they were thinking about it and he asked him to host it. He said Jimmy said ''no problem.'' He said that was a big deal. Jon said the other thing about Jimmy is that he was instrumental in making it happen. He said he handled the show very well and once Louis C.K. came on people were lining up to do the event.
Jon asked Gary if he's still amazed they pulled it off. Gary said he is. He said that the first hour and 20 minutes of the show just hits you. He said the truth of the matter is that everyone in the first hour had to be somewhere else that night. He said they talked about moving the time of the show back 15 minutes. He said if they moved it back 15 minutes they would have lost some acts. He said that's why they were so front loaded. He said that they just went through so many guests and it was crazy.
Jon said if you watch it once it's one thing but watch it a second time and you'll notice Scott Salem in the background and it's really funny. Gary said you see Howard, Robin and then a head coming out of a curtain. Gary said the director was asking who the fuck that was. Scott said he was asked to move out of there and almost back on the street. He said that people know who he is and he should have just shot what they had. He said he didn't want to ruin the show.
Benjy said something did break and Scott and some other people fixed it. He said he had to be there to fix it. Gary said he could have been 10 feet to the right though. He said it wasn't Scott's fault though. Scott said he wishes they had video of the dress rehearsal. He said it was comedic. Gary said he doesn't think so. Scott said that everyone stepped up to the plate for the live show.
Jon said as good as that show was that's how bad the dress rehearsal was. Gary said that they got crazy and the director calmed them all down. Gary said that it was one disaster after another. He said the guy brought him to the dressing room and told him they were fucked. He said that really got him worried.
Jon said that Adam Levine was there that night and he was in this week. Jon said Adam is getting married and people are talking about that. Jon said that Adam seems head over heels ready to get married. He said he's a master cocksman though. Jon asked if he felt that Adam was worried at all during that interview. Gary said he's never dealt with this kind of thing before so there may have been some of that.
Jason said that Adam was a little more cagey and anxious in there this time. He said he thought it was fascinating when Howard asked him about apologizing to his ex girlfriends.
Gary said most marriages have a 50/50 chance. He said when you get to a guy of his stature then it has like a 4 percent chance. He said there have been so many people on the show saying that ''this is the one'' and it doesn't work out.
Jason said he thinks there will always be more Victoria's Secret models for Adam. He said that seems to be his weakness. Jon said he did say that you never stop looking at other women. He said you have to choose to stick with one woman. Benjy said when you know you can have something you want then it's not as easy to just grab it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks this week was amazing. She said with Benjy and the Birthday Bash thing it was great. She said that she got to meet Jon and Gary yesterday too so this week was just amazing.
Jon asked Mike Hambrick from the Howard 100 News to give them a rundown of what they had coming up today. Mike ran down a couple of headlines for today's news.
Gary said he was walking through the hall yesterday and they had a bunch of Wack Packers there. He said that Wendy, Gary, Elephant Boy, Mariann, Bobo, High Pitch and others were there. He said it was amazing and he has pictures to post. He said that he's not sure how much longer some of these people have to live. He said that Eric is walking with a cane now. Mike said Gary the Retard is 63 and looking healthier than ever. Gary said Eric really has to lose weight.
Jon had Mike finish up his Howard 100 News preview. He ended the show a short time later. Everyone got in their plugs and they were done around 11:25am.
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Jon said he wants to talk about the birthday bash since it's getting so much attention. Jon said you can jump to any segment in the show to watch. He said he knows that JD posted a clip of himself being introduced by Heidi Klum. JD said he would have posted the Bryan Cranston thing too but he thought the Heidi Klum thing was so ridiculous. He said he thought of that first but he was honored by both.
Jon said you can also see Howard there. Benjy said JD can be in the spotlight but does he enjoy the aspect of having something like that because it's like being verified on Twitter. JD said it's very cool. It's awesome. He said he's not going to emote more than that. JD said it's crazy to see Heidi through the years and then it's bizarre saying he's the sexiest man alive and saying his name correctly. Jon said that every comment has a kernel of truth in it. JD said there is no way that's true. He said he saw her at the after party.
Benjy asked if her subconscious might think of him. JD said when he flew out to L.A. to do ''It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'' he saw someone being ushered on the plane. He said he wondered if it was Heidi Klum. He said she was in first class and the people were still walking to their seats and he had to stop. He said he stood in front of her for like a minute and he got nothing. Gary said he has to say something. Jon said he told him to. JD said he didn't want to say anything. He said she could have told him to get away. Benjy said she seems to have a good sense of humor and he should have said something.
Jon asked Gary what he should have done. Gary said he would have said hello and introduce himself. JD said he had people in front and in back of him. Gary said they would have waited. JD said he's not like that. He said he would rather just let them come up to him. He said he stays out of the way. Jon said he was held up though. JD said he didn't want to bother her. Gary said he did want to bother her, he just didn't know how. Gary said she might have remembered. Jon said she would have rung a bell and called security.
Jon asked Gary if he's ever had someone come up to him on a plane and ask if he remembers them. Gary said this girl came up to him once and he had no idea who she was. He said she looked familiar and it turns out she got naked on the show a month before. He said that was the craziest thing for her but it was just another day at work for him. He said he was nice to her about it but he didn't recognize her.
Benjy said he thinks about this a lot. He asked why it's so cool if someone famous recognizes JD. JD said it's more like you know them too. Jon said he gets that. He said he's a fan of theirs and you can't believe that they know who you are. Benjy asked if it's a value you put on them. Gary said it might be some kind of validation but there's nothing better than someone you know recognizing you. Gary said he met Amy Poehler and she knew him and he's a big fan of her's. He said he doesn't know her but she knows something about him.
Benjy said he had that with Wanda Sykes. He said he's assuming Heidi Klum is a super model and she's super famous but he doubts that artistically she means much to JD. JD said he doesn't know much about her show Project Runway. JD said he really doesn't know.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been watching the birthday bash all week on his TV screen. He said he just leaves it running. Jon asked if anything stands out to him. The caller said the bands playing are great. He said seeing Adam Levine playing was great too. He said he wondered why the people didn't put the headsets in that they had at their tables. He said he felt that some of the jokes went over their heads because of that.
Gary said it's very difficult to do a radio show live like that. He said they do a 4 hour show and it's hard to get people to pay attention. He said some people wanted to party and they didn't care they didn't hear.
JD said there's a comedian named Joey Kola who warmed up the audience. He said the warm up was telling the people to get in their seats. He said the celebrities were just talking the whole time. He said even 5 minutes before he was telling them that.
Jon said they're all Stern fans and there's a bonding going on. He said Robert Downey Jr. was yelling at people to shut up and listen. He said that was part of what made this a special night. He said it wasn't just the performances.
Jon said it was just the overall vibe there. He said it was the perfect storm in a lot of ways. Jon said everything just seemed to click that night. He said he's thrilled that everyone can see it for free. Jon said you can take it in full or in pieces. He said just watch the crowd and watch what's going on up on stage. He said Joel Gallen did a great job shooting it. Gary said he thinks if they were selling it people would complain about the promotion but it's just so good that they have to put the word out there. Gary said he's astounded that they pulled it off. Jon said he knows what he means.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was the best thing ever broadcasted ever. He said it was an amazing experience. He said that Jeffrey Ross' set was out of control and it was great. Gary said it really was great. Jon said Jeff and Joan were both great doing the roast thing.
Jon took another call from a guy who said they did an awesome job. He said he thought Fred Armisen's thing was great. He said the only part he didn't like was the Seth Meyers thing. He thought he wasn't that funny. He asked if that's when Howard met him for the first time. Gary said it was but he thought it was a funny moment on the show. He said it didn't last long.
Benjy asked the caller if he still enjoyed it. Jon said they lost the caller. He said he did say he liked everything but Seth. Jon said Seth came in a few weeks later and they got to know more about him. He said they had every late night host other than Jay. Gary said they didn't have Conan there either. Gary said he would have loved to have had Arsenio walk out and say that they only invite the white guys or something funny like that. He said at some point they ran out of money though. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Gary said he thinks that Whitney is a great guest. He said she gives you the impression that you could date her but that won't happen. Jon asked JD if he thinks she's gettable. JD said that's a hard question. JD said she is into guys and sex so he guesses so. He said maybe any decent looking guy could pick her up. He said she might be down for anyone. Jon asked Gary if that was a yes. Gary said ''who knows.'' Benjy said he gets it. He said if you're better looking than average you might have a shot. Benjy said that he thinks JD and Whitney could connect and have a relationship.
Gary said Whitney gives you the impression that if you're fun that she might be willing to give up some looks if you can entertain her. Benjy said that looks are an entrée but not a deal breaker. Jon said that she has also put on 15 pounds since the last time she was there. Jon asked if they think she's better looking. JD said he thought she looked really good.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they're the best. He said he thinks she looks so much better since she put on the weight. He said she must be crazy though. He said she can't keep anyone. Benjy said she's dating someone but they might be nuts. The caller said she seems to be the common denominator. Benjy said maybe these people have been the ones who are nuts. Gary said you're only hearing one side of the story. Benjy asked the caller how old he is and how many people he's dated. The guy said he's 29 and he's dated a handful of people. Benjy asked if he's nuts. The caller said he sees his point.
JD said that anyone she dates may not want to hear what she has to say in her act. Benjy said she did bring that up and he totally gets that.
Steve Brandano also brought up that she goes to a psychic. Gary said that she's not one of those people who can't have a relationship. He said he thinks she says she wants one thing but she may actually want something else. He said he thinks she digs the drama.
Jon asked if the guys thought Hanzi had any shot with her. Gary said he thinks he was talking to her the way he talks to 99 percent of the women he talks to. He was also trying to get to Chelsea Handler. Gary said he thinks that Chelsea is the kind of person who will talk about a relationship. Jon and Gary were talking about Taylor Swift and how she does that too. She does it in a different way though. Gary said Chelsea is pretty up front about it though.
Jon said he thinks that Whitney is the number one person to do that and then Chelsea and then Taylor. Benjy said he thinks Whitney is the one who is most vulnerable to things falling apart. The guys were saying that Whitney seemed a lot better than she was the last time she was on.
Gary said if a comedian got up and talked about the girls they banged, which some do, they might be termed a Misogynist. Jon said he's not sure what scenario he's talking about. Gary said Kinison talked about women he dated but not celebrities. Benjy said he made them famous though. He said that Jessica Hahn was one. Jon said that Jessica was known at the time. Benjy said that he also made Malika and Sabrina famous. Gary said they wanted to be talked about though. Gary said that it's different with people who are famous already.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how many people have signed up with Tinder because of Whitney. Jon asked if JD looked her up on there. JD said he did not. He said you can't look people up. Steve said that Whitney has screen captured some guys and posted them on her twitter and it's pretty funny.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she loves listening every Thursday and Friday. She said they're doing an awesome job. Jon and Gary thanked her for that. Gary asked if she's on Tinder. She said she's married with a kid. Benjy suggested Ashley Madison.
Jon asked the caller who she thinks is the craziest out of Whitney, Chelsea and Taylor. She said she thinks it's Taylor Swift. Jon said she's not crazy. He said he met her once and he spoke to her and she's not crazy. Jon said she just took a picture with his daughters so that was the extent of the meeting.
Gary said Whitney and Chelsea are very up front about what they do. He said Taylor pretends she doesn't know she's doing it. Jon said Gary just doesn't understand.
JD asked if Taylor Swift or Tan Mom is crazier. Gary said that's not even a contest. Steve said it's easy to look at women who aren't married but they're famous. He said that he thinks everyone has a little crazy in them. Gary said that Chelsea is crazy but that's what women love about her. The caller said they're so honest. Gary said that's what he loves about comedians. He said he gets that. Gary said they don't mean they're actually crazy but it's a ballsy crazy. Jon let the caller go and went to break a short time later.
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Jon said they hardly ever get to see the two of them. Gary said that they've had one or the other in at times. He said he's not sure when they were in at the same time. Gary said you'd think they'd get along because they're retarded but that's not the way it works.
Jon said they did a really good job but he found it interesting that Wendy works and baby sits and Gary is employed at Burgerville. He said there are other Wack Packers who don't work at all and they're satisfied with that. He said it makes you respect Gary and Wendy even more. Gary said he thinks that Gary and Wendy have issues that are obvious. He said he doesn't see Jeff the Drunk's issue. He said he doesn't see it with Big Black either. He said they claim to have emotional issues though. He said he saw a woman who was suing her company because she can't work hours when there's traffic because she has anxiety. He said now she's suing them after they let her go.
Jon said there's something sweet about Gary talking about his job. He said it's just so wonderful. Jon said he comes off as very caring. Benjy said he sees him as a sweet, goofy guy. Jon said Wendy got to take that trophy home too. Gary said it took all of 10 seconds to put together. He said they wrote ''Trofee'' on the cup and stuck a fork in it. He said it was like a trophy from the Little Rascals. Steve said they didn't even glue it. they just stuck it together.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked where Wendy's fascination with Freddy Kruger came from. Gary said he's not sure. He said she must have seen it and liked the movie. JD said she's probably seen it on TV before and he's sure she's sat at home watching a bunch of times. JD said that it's a scary monster and it has a cool glove.
Benjy wondered if they can watch Curb Your Enthusiasm and understand it. The caller said he's not sure about that. The caller said that Robert Englund is going to do Freddy one last time. Gary said he doesn't think it'll be the last time. The caller said they should send Wendy to meet him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has listened to the show for years. He said he heard the Wendy and Gary thing and it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. He said that was some funny fucking shit. Jon said he won't disagree with him there. Jon asked where his accent is from. The caller said he's from Boston originally. The caller said they're doing a tremendous job over there.
Gary said that Wendy has an obsession with Freddy Kruger and Richard has one too. He said it's not that far off and Richard may not be mentally challenged. Jon said they could argue about that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said this week was epic for Howard's show. She said she loved the Gary and Wendy bit. She said she gets that people don't like the word Retard but it doesn't bother her. Steve asked what they should call them. The caller said if they don't mind it then it doesn't matter. The woman said she has a brother with special needs. Gary said it is kind of weird to ask them if they are okay with it. Gary said it's not clear if they're mentally competent enough to make that decision. The caller said they're talking about changing it up because everyone else is offended by it. Gary said that it's Gary's brand so it's not going to roll off the tongue like Gary the Retard would. The caller said if her brother was called that in a derogatory way she'd be offended. She said if it's meant in a harmful way then it's hurtful. Jon said he gets that. He said there is a polite way to say it and then there's an insulting fashion.
Gary asked Jon if he feels he's insulting Gary by calling him that. Jon said no but if Gary felt insulted then he'd stop doing it.
Jon said that Eric the Midget wanted to be called Eric the Actor and then back to Midget. He said you have to respect each individual and what they want. Gary said they named Gary and Wendy in the 90s and it was acceptable back then. He said times change though. He said it's like the Redskins thing.
Benjy said if you have a friend who has a kid with special needs then it might be jarring to them to hear ''Gary the Retard.'' Jon said if it was said more viciously then it might be. Benjy said he just says ''retard'' very quietly.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if there was anything at the birthday bash that they didn't air because it was so crazy. Gary said there wasn't much they missed there. He said he can't think of anything. Benjy said Whitney said there was one fun thing she did where she had her dress off in front of Dave Grohl. Gary said that wasn't filmed. He said if he had that he'd show it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have noticed that Howard has progressed with his usage of the word Retard or Gay. Benjy said Howard has talked about it. The caller said that Howard was very liberal with his use of gay and things back in the 90s. Gary said that people get so angry when you change. He said there are a lot of things people did in 1990 that they won't do today. Jon said that's part of Howard's success. He said he's able to change and stay on top of pop culture. Jon said you're going to hear a different guy back then but he's explained that he's changed and evolved. Benjy said he didn't think it was wrong then but he thinks it's wrong now. Jon said that's it. He said it was time to end the show. The guys got in their plugs and ended the show around 11:00am.
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