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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how smart he is. He said he waited for the Game of Thrones finale and he had to stay up and watch it. He said he thought everyone would spoil it for him. He said he ended up falling asleep but then he got up at 1 in the morning to watch it. He said both newspapers in the city have the spoilers from the show in them. He said they tell you everything. He said he's not sure what the point of the article is other than to spoil it for everyone. He asked Robin if she watched. Robin said she did. She didn't want the spoilers either. Howard said tis' a very big problem in the country.
Howard said it was that and going into Iraq that are the big problems. Those are two big problems. Howard said he wonders if President Bush ever thinks about what a mess he made. Howard said that he wanted to impress his dad and he went in and invaded Iraq. He said it's a nightmare over there now. Howard said he feels so bad for any soldier who went over and lost their lives. He said he's seen stories about how 1,700 Iraqi soldiers lost their lives over the weekend. Howard said that's just crazy.
Howard said Casey Kasem is gone now. He said some show wanted him to comment on it. Howard said Chris Cuomo is on some show and he thinks they wanted to hook up with him to talk about that. Howard said the truth is that they're both in radio but that's about it. He said he always admired his career because so many guys came an went doing the same thing but this guy made a fortune counting down records. He said they work in radio and talent is not valued at all unless you're a mega, mega star. He said Kasem was an announcer but he broke through and made a living at it. He said that's unusual for a radio guy. He said they started doing the long distance dedication and people found him pleasant to listen to. He said they made a lot of money with that show too. Robin said they were saying that he used to be one of those yelling DJs but his program director told him to talk about the records.
Howard said he was never about the music for Casey. It was all about the announcing. Howard said he felt the same way about his career. Howard said he didn't get into radio to play the music of the day. He said he did work at music stations but he just wanted to feature himself. He said the music was his way in.
Howard said Jon Hein was reading him something about Casey Kasem. Jon came in and sad that Casey wasn't into the music and he found that he liked sitting at home in the quiet when he wasn't working. He said he knew his stuff but he didn't listen to that much music.
Howard said he has had so much stress in his life and Kasem didn't. Howard said he just read off a piece of paper. Howard said he never had it that easy. Howard said he admired that.
Howard said he feels bad for Kasem's family. He said that he knows that the kids and the wife were fighting over him the last couple of months. Robin said they took away his food and water and his wife was saying that they killed her husband. Howard said that Casey must have known that something was up with that wife. Howard said he left it up to the kids to pull the plug. Howard said he's thinking if he was Jean Kasem he'd want to keep him alive as long as possible. He said that way she was controlling the estate. Robin said he got a really horrible bed sore from being moved into someone's home in Washington State. Robin said Jean moved him out there from a nursing home. Howard said he thought that Casey was in love with her and they had a really loving marriage.
Jon said that the kids had the health care proxy. He said it said he didn't want to be kept alive if he lost all cognitive function. The wife was going against that. Jon said he thinks that it was her religious conviction that went against that. Howard said she was saying that he was communicating with her through eye movements and things like that. Howard said he won't comment o that. He said untangling that would be a nightmare.
Howard said that it seems like a shitty way to go. He said the best thing is going to be the funeral. He said the kids will have to be there with the wife. Howard said if she's going to be there he'd like to film a reality show. He said he's open to that. Howard said he understands that some of the kids want radio careers and this is a way to kick start them. Howard said they could call it Weekend at Casey's or something like that. Maybe he'd call it The New Kardashians if E! wants to film it.
Howard said he had Kasem on the phone. He picked up and the guys were playing edited clips of real Casey Kasem giving one word answers. Howard asked if he would do this TV show. Kasem said yes. Howard asked if he would mind if his family beat each other with pieces of his body. Casey said he'd be okay with that. The guys had Kasem asking Howard to repeat himself a couple of times. Howard explained what the show would be about and how the family would get into a fight over his body and then beat each other with pieces of his body. Then the loser gets tea bagged with his balls. Howard said then they take his body and enter him in Dancing with the Stars. Casey said okay to that. Howard said he'll win the show of course. Howard asked if he had his blessing. They had Casey say ''Yeah, sure.''
Howard asked Casey if he knows that Benjy has the weight loss thing going on. Casey said sure. Howard asked if he would let them use one of his dead fingers to finger him. Casey said sure to that too. Howard said they'll use the thumb. Casey said sure to that too.
Robin asked if Casey knows what his first number one hit was in his countdown show. They had Casey saying ''pardon me'' over and over like he didn't hear the question.
Jon Hein said that Casey never talked about sex when he did his show. Howard said just imagine him not talking about that. Howard said Casey worked blue off the air but not on the air. Casey said ''this is very important.'' Howard asked if he thinks Jon Hein should lose a few pounds. Casey laughed and said yes.
Howard said he knows that he has to get to heaven so he'll let him go. Howard said that the guy who has his job now is Ryan Seacrest. Casey kept saying ''No'' when Howard said he did.
Howard told Robin that he's like a Magic 8 Ball. He had her ask a question. Robin asked if she would ever get married. He said no. Benjy asked if he will lose the weight. Casey said no. Fred asked if Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow will get back together. He said yes. Jon Hein asked if Howard should have done the interview with Chris Cuomo this morning. Casey said no.
Howard thanked Casey for calling in. He let him go a short time later. Robin said the first hit song on Kasem's countdown was Three Dog Night's ''Mama Told Me Not to Come.'' Howard said he interviewed the guy from that band. He said he was a pretty good interview. Howard said he did admire Casey's career. He said he was also Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
Howard read some other emails about Ronnie and his sex tips and stories. Howard said one person wrote about how their daughter will be a lesbian after hearing that story. Howard said someone said they can't wait for Arbor Day for Ronnie to talk about sticking acorns up his ass.
Howard read some mail about Casey Kasem but they were from before he died. Howard said he should read a death dedication to Casey. Howard told Fred to be ready with an up tempo fucking song. He wondered what he should play now. Howard said he has Stuttering John interviewing Casey. Howard played that. In the clip John asked what he felt about Howard Stern. Casey said he'd never heard Howard Stern. He talked about never hearing the tape that Howard plays on the show. He said it really happened and it was really him but he's never heard Howard.
John stuck with his questions and Casey stuck around laughing with him for a minute and then told John to get out of there while laughing. Howard said that John invented that ''Ge Gee Ya'' thing that he was trying to get Casey to say in the clip.
Howard said he was reading something about Kasem and how they played recordings of his old shows while he was in the hospital. Howard said he wanted quiet so they were torturing him. Howard said the whole story is fucked up. He said when he's dying he doesn't want to hear his old shows. Howard said if he has to go out hearing Jackie's laugh or Mike Walker's fart. Howard said he can just imagine going out listening to Ronnie's sex tips. Howard did his impression of Ronnie's tips and goofed on that for a short time. He said that would be his torture.
Howard said Casey is gone. He played the outtake of Casey doing a countdown and getting upset about a long distance death dedication for a dog named Snuggles coming out of an up tempo record. Ponderous... fucking ponderous.
Howard said he's said that a few times reading copy too. He said that was his shining moment. He said he wouldn't even say sex on the air but his greatest routine is filled with expletives. Howard said he'd rather be the cursing Casey. He said that's what he's tried to be all his career. He said he's the wrong guy to interview about Casey. He said Ryan Seacrest is the guy that should be interviewed. Howard said he felt that going on and talking about Casey would be weird so that's why he didn't do it. He said he did admire his career though. He said he was jealous of it actually. He made billions doing a countdown show. Howard said that he didn't have to think about anything but reading. Howard said he would have jerked off with a job like that. He said he would have come all over his job.
Howard said Jason Biggs and his wife are coming in today. He said that his wife is real hot. He said they're going to be tweeting live while America's Got Talent is going on or something. He said he didn't even understand it. Jason Kaplan came in and said that they do this with other shows. He said they're going to tweet during AGT for their @SternShow twitter account. Howard said they're stopping in today.
Howard said that he hasn't seen Orange is the New Black but it's on his to do list. He said he would have seen it but when he has to wait for Beth to finish it then they have to coordinate. He said that Beth doesn't watch Game of Thrones so he can catch up on that quickly. Howard said Gary had to wait for his wife to watch Game of Thrones. He said he had to go to bed and Mary was busy in the kitchen. Gary said he saw that it was an hour and 17 minutes long so he had to get going.
Gary said it actually ran an hour and 10 minutes. Robin said it was an hour and 7. She said she knows because she watched it. Howard said when the show is over it's over. He said that's the way radio should be. Robin said she wishes they had done a 2 hour episode. Howard said he used to tell his bosses that they shouldn't care how long he goes. He said if he wanted to do the show until 7pm he should be able to. He said they think they have to get back to the music. Howard said no one cared. Howard said he was number one in their market and they wanted him to end at 10 exactly. Howard said they should sit there and thank him. He said they didn't get it. Eventually they did but they fought it.
Howard said WNBC said he had to meet the network and he didn't want to do that. Howard said Casey Kasem would have had a nervous breakdown with his career. He said they're trying to find some reason to explain his success in the obituary for him. Howard said they think it was the long distance dedication. Howard said that's not it. He said people just wanted to hear the number one song. Howard said it was the countdown that did it for him.
Howard said he thinks that when they do the TV show with the people using Casey body parts to beat each other with then he'll have a hit show. Howard said he would have told them on the Chris Cuomo show that what he remembered is that he fathered this incredibly hot daughter. Howard said this girl was so hot. Robin said her name is Kerri. Howard said she is fucking hot. Robin said she's probably around 40. Howard said Casey was no beauty. He said that wife must have been hot. Gary told Howard that Kerri is 35. Howard asked if he would fuck her hard or go in soft. Gary said he'd go in hard. Howard said she was something. He said she's some good looking girl. Howard asked if Robin remembers her. Robin said she's seen some pictures recently but she doesn't remember her being in there. Howard said if she was a man she'd remember. Howard asked Gary if she had big titties. No one answered. Howard said she had bigger tits than Jon Hein. Howard said maybe Casey will call in again and talk about that.
Howard had Casey back on the phone. He asked if his daughter had big tits. Casey said ''yeah.'' Howard said he knows he's on his way to God's Kingdom but he had to ask him to rate his daughters. Howard asked what he would rank them. Casey didn't have the ability to count down. Richard got on and said he didn't have numbers. He did it in a way that sounded kind of like Casey. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he has a phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a Chinese restaurant where they had him ordering by number and then counting down his order numbers.
Rennell said he wants to plug his YouTube channel. He said he has all of his movies on there. Howard asked how he makes money. Rennell said he's looking for exposure. He said he's handicapped. He said he's legally blind. Howard said a blind filmmaker sounds cool. Howard said he just put a damper on the whole thing with that news. Howard said he knows a deaf musician so he'll hook him up with that guy.
Rennell said that he makes music too. Howard told him to plug his YouTube channel. Rennell said it's TheRennellReedChannel.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a guy using clips of Robin talking about how she was going to fix the guy's car by fucking it. Howard said it's amazing how long that guy stayed on the phone. He said he's not sure why he's angry with her for wanting to fuck his car. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what Fred was playing. Fred said it's a remix of the John Legend song. He said he didn't mean to play that one but it wasn't marked correctly in the system.
Howard said Jason Biggs and his wife Jenny Mollen are there. Howard said her book is out tomorrow. Howard said that he hasn't seen Jason in a long time. Jason said it was 2002 when he was in last. He said it's not 2014. Howard had to do some math to figure out it's been 12 years since he saw him in there. Howard did it the long way. He said he was in there in the 90s with Freddie Prinze Jr. He said it was pretty Freddie heavy. Jason said he was also in there once when Artie was there and they were goofing on Kathleen Turner and he wanted to join in but he just couldn't do it.
Howard said he's not sure who to talk to first about their extraordinary life. Howard said he should talk to them about their marriage. Howard said Jenny has a book out called ''I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People'' and he wonders if it's true that actors shouldn't marry actors. He wondered if they get jealous. Jenny said they do and that's what her book is about. Jason said that you want everyone else to drop dead and you are the last one standing.
Howard said he learned that Jenny went out and hired a prostitute to service Jason orally. Jenny said she did it for fun. She said she wanted to be crazy. She said it was a year into their marriage and she ran out of things to get him. Robin said it was only a year. Jenny said she didn't know what else to get him. Jenny said she just wanted to keep things exciting. Howard said he would think that this wife was so cool for doing that but then he'd be wondering if he wasn't satisfying her and maybe she was too wild for him. Howard asked what Jason's reaction was. Jason said he knew that she likes that kind of thing. Jenny said she likes a caper. Jason said it's for the story and for his pleasure. Howard asked if it's for her writing and creativity. Jenny said that's part of it. She said she likes the story.
Howard asked how she found the prostitute. She said she asked a friend if she knew anyone. She said that they found this one and Jason knew she was coming. Howard asked Jason if he was excited. Jason said he was and he was also kind of confused. Jenny said that this woman was a masseuse. She said her friend actually lied to her and goofed on them by telling her that this woman was a prostitute. Jason said Jenny was trying to get her drunk. Howard asked if Jenny was nude on the table getting the massage. Jason said he was waiting in the other room trying to figure out when to come in. Jason said he thinks that Jenny came out and said that the woman wasn't doing anything. Jason said he went in and got his massage thinking that she would do something to him.
Howard asked Jenny and Jason if they were humiliated by that. Jason said that they had no idea what the fuck had just happened. He said Jenny came out of her massage early. He said all of them were drunk. Jason said the second half of the story is where it gets interesting. Jenny said it wasn't sexual at all.
Howard said Jenny has had a lesbian experience before and she wanted to make this prostitute thing happen. Howard asked why she didn't ask a friend to do it. Jenny said then it would be too personal. She didn't want to do that. She didn't want to run into them at a dinner party or something. Howard said Jason must love that his wife is so open about sex. Howard said a lot of people would be uptight.
Jason said what he learned was that to keep his wife motivated he had to play it like he didn't want it. He said he told Jenny he didn't need that and he only needed her. Howard said he does that and his wife believes him. Howard asked how he played this with her. Howard said Jenny said that they were doing it so she must have a screw loose or she's really understanding. Jason said she's both.
Howard said Jenny took Jason to Vegas and they found a hooker there. Howard asked how they did that. Jenny said she went on CityVibe.com and you can find escorts on there. Howard said Jenny sounds like a lot of fun. He said she might be the best wife ever. Jason said he agrees.
Jenny said that they had one escort show up and they never look like their picture. She said she was like a Philippino garden gnome. She said she was on the phone with her manicurist the whole time. Howard asked if Jenny was into it and if she was going to do anything. Jenny said she was going to do it just to do it. She said that she wanted to even though she was built like a garden gnome.
Howard asked Jenny how many women she's been with. She said it's like 5 or so. Howard asked if she's bi-sexual. Jenny said she thinks she just wants everyone's love and approval.
Howard asked if Jenny was in lingerie when the hooker came in. Jenny said she was just thinking about putting eye liner on. Jenny said the woman said it was going to be $400 just to walk in the door. Then she had other fees she charged. Jason said Jenny opened the door and saw the woman and said ''Really?''
Howard asked Jason if he was repulsed. Jason said he was. He said she was like a little bull dog. He said that he was feeding off of Jenny's excitement. He said that they were into it. Then they realized they didn't have enough money. Jason said he had the door fee. He said he paid her that. Jenny said they asked if she'd take a check from them. She said no so Jason said he'd go to the ATM and left her alone with her. Jenny said that things got weird and there was nothing sexual going on. Jenny said that the girl wasn't into her. She said none of them are.
Howard asked Jason if he got the money. Jason said he tried to go to the ATM and his card wasn't working. He said he tried to get money but it wasn't working so he ran back up to the room. Jason said that they didn't expect this to cost that much. Howard asked how much this cost total. Jason said he would have needed another $600 or so. He said he probably had $400 or so on him and he figured that he'd get more. He said he must not have done American Reunion yet so he didn't have the cash on him. Howard said that was the movie that made him the big money. Jason said he got $55,000 for American Pie. He said he got like $2 million for the American Reunion. Howard asked Jason if he's in touch with Tara Reid now. Jason said he is not.
Howard asked Jason about what happened next. Jason said the hooker left and took the $300. Jenny said she was even more motivated after that. Robin said prostitutes are supposed to be a sure thing. Howard asked what happened finally. Jenny said that she told Jason to get the prostitute. They eventually got a girl who was hot. Jason said this was the next day.
Howard said he heard that the girls out there in Vegas are hot. Howard said he heard they're 12s. Howard said Artie used to tell them stories about them out there.
Howard asked Jason what happened. Jason said that he called someone he knows in Vegas. He said he knew a guy who had a hook up and he told them about this girl he knew. Jason said he had cash the next day. He said they had plenty this time. Howard asked how much they had. Jason said he had enough. He said they were throwing cash around. Jenny said this was around 3pm too so it wasn't really hot.
Howard asked if he thought about getting caught and getting into the tabloids. Jason said there was something really hot about having his wife involved. He said it didn't feel that shady. He said he didn't care if he got caught. He said he was with his wife while he was doing it so it wasn't that big of a deal.
Jason said that the reason this was all in the afternoon was because they were there for a friend's birthday party. He said they did the garden gnome as soon as they got there.
Howard asked Jenny if she was in a hot outfit for this one. Jenny said she was putting less and less effort into it. She said she was in a bikini though. She said this girl walks in and she's blonde and hot and has big boobs. She said it worked. She said she was into her. Then the hooker said she wasn't into girls so she was just going to hook up with Jason. Howard said Jason must have been excited to think about Jenny getting it on with a girl. Jason said that's what it was all about. He said he wanted to get involved while they were messing around. Jason said that spoiled it for him.
Jason said that the girl told them stories of what she had done and they were crazy stories. Jenny said that the hooker eventually went down on Jason and she just watched. Jenny said that she got topless with the hooker topless. She said it was just to be competitive. Howard asked if Jason made out with her. Jason said they didn't kiss. The hooker just went down on him after he took his pants down. Jenny said the hooker asked if she wanted to blow him. Jenny said that's what she was paying her for. Howard asked if Jason felt anything with the condom on. Jason said yes but he had more to the story.
Howard asked Jenny if she was involved at all. Jenny said she was watching and eating snacks. Jason said the hooker told her to get involved and Jenny was just laughing. Jenny said she felt like they were changing Jason as a giant baby with a diaper on. Jason said his hard on went limp in her mouth. He said that was it. He was done and finished. Howard asked what the prostitute did. She stuck around for a little longer and said she could get her toys and bring them back for her. Jenny said she didn't do that but she did friend her on Facebook later on. Jason said he didn't even know that.
Jason said they paid for like an hour so they just sat in bed talking. He said that her stories were interesting. Jason said that one story was about her shitting on her husband's chest. He said that she would do that but not do anything with Jenny.
Howard said that is a disastrous story. He asked what Jenny got him for his next birthday. Jason said he doesn't even know. Howard asked Jenny if she thinks this might happen the right way eventually. Jenny said she thinks it will. She said she doesn't run in a great crowd for it. Especially now that they have a baby. Howard asked if these stories are in her book. She said they are. She said she has a bunch of stories in the book.
Howard said he heard Jenny wrote about using Kegal balls in her vagina. Howard asked if she told Jason she had them in. She said they fell out when she was walking around the house doing house work. She said that she thought that they were going to arouse her but nothing happened. Howard asked if the balls fell out when the housekeeper was there. She said they fell out and rolled across their hardwood floors.
Howard asked if Jenny is into all of this because her mother was a hippie. Jenny said her mother would hook up with men in the same room on another bed. She said that one of the guys was one of her step-dads. She said it was in a hotel room but it was kind of weird. Howard asked if she ever told her mom that she was a kid and she shouldn't be seeing that. jenny said it was dark in the room but she could hear it.
Howard asked Jenny about her mom encouraging her to get a fake ID at the age of 15 so she could go drinking with her. Howard said she also thought that her grandfather was a child molester. She said that she didn't think he was but he had that kind of look. She said he had false teeth and when he'd kiss without the teeth you'd kind of fall inside his mouth.
Howard said he read that the grandmother slept with a shotgun next to her to keep the grandfather out of the room. Jenny said she didn't have a gun but she would sleep in the room like she was trying to keep him out of the room. She said she doesn't know if he was a molester but that's the feeling she had growing up.
Jason said Jenny was going through pictures and she found a picture of her sister on grandpa's lap and he looked really molester like. Jason said that Jenny sent the picture to her sister anonymously and said she was the woman who took the picture and she was molested. Jenny said her sister freaked out thinking it was real and she just played like she didn't send it. She said her sister still doesn't think what she did was funny.
Howard said Jenny fucked her step brother just to shock her mother and it didn't shock her. Jenny said that was when he wasn't her step brother. She said that her mom didn't care and said that he was kind of hot.
Howard said he might have to read her book. He said it sounds pretty good. Howard asked how this live tweeting thing is happening. Howard said they'll be tweeting during America's Got Talent. Jason said that Jason (Kaplan) reached out to them to do this. He said they tweet about The Bachelor and goof on it. They secretly love the show. Jason said that he thought he was going to hate it but he's hooked on it. Jason said the show is great.
Howard said their Jason reached out and asked them to do the live shows. Jason said that's what happened. He said they will be live tweeting the show.
Howard said he hasn't seen ''Orange is the New Black'' yet but he heard it's great. Howard said that's up on his list to watch. He said he and Beth are going to watch it together. Howard asked Jason how he got the part. Jason said he had to audition for the role. He said the show is kind of a drama and they don't think of him for something like that. He said it's kind of out of his wheelhouse so people don't think of him for stuff like that.
Howard said he did a Woody Allen movie and he didn't have to audition for that. Jason said he didn't. He said that he went in and met with Woody and it was a weird thing. He said he went into this editing room and Woody sized him up and shook his hand. Then he started talking to him like he had the part. He said he had no idea he had the part. Jason said he was freaking out meeting the guy. He said he was telling him the part like he had it and he didn't know if he did. Jason said he left and had no idea he already had the part. Howard asked if he's still in touch with Woody. Jason said he's not but he saw him at a Knick game. He said that he isn't really in touch with anyone he worked with a long time ago. He said these days it's easier to stay in touch. He said he's more in touch with the people he works with now.
Howard asked why he doesn't stay in touch with people from the past. Jason said he is in touch with some. Howard said he's the same way. He said he goes home and he's just with the wife and that's it. Jason said that's kind of the way he is. Howard said that you don't always hang out and form life long friendships. Jason said he's putting himself out there more now. He said he reaches out more now.
Howard asked how they met. Jason and Jenny met on the set of ''My Best Friend's Girl.'' Jenny said they were both up for the movie and she was up for a role and she didn't like Jason Biggs at the time. She said that she was jealous of his success so she told them to pick the other guy. She said she saw the tapes and it was his audition tape and she thought he was awesome and she might be in love with him. She said she felt something for him.
Jenny said that she was trying to get on this movie and she went on a double date with him with someone else from the movie. She said it was kind of awkward at fist but then 6 months later they were really into it and they were engaged. Jason said that he got cast in the movie and then she got her part and they went to Boston and fell in love there.
Howard said Jenny was on the show Angel and he doesn't remember her on it. Jenny said she was blonde back then and she was David's love interest. Howard said he can't remember that.
Howard asked if Jenny gets angry at other actresses when they get roles. Jenny said she gets mad at kids who are trying to get into acting. She said they could take her parts eventually. Howard said he heard that Woody Allen cast him to play a Jewish guy and he's not even Jewish. Jason said 2 or 3 weeks into filming it was one of the high holidays and Woody was asking him what he was doing for the holiday. He said he had a flood of thoughts and he didn't know what to say. He said he could have gone along with it. He said he figured he couldn't get fired if he told him the truth. He said he told him the truth and said he wasn't Jewish so he had no plans. Jason said the look on his face was jaw dropping. He said that Woody thought he was joking. Jason said he really isn't Jewish.
Howard said they were there with Jason who is on ''Orange is the New Black'' and Jenny is plugging her book. He said that they'll be taking over the @SternShow Twitter feed starting July 29th.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jenny sounds like a fun person in bed. Howard asked how often they do it. He figured 3 times a week. Jason said he wishes. Jason said he jerks off a bit. Jenny said she's breast feeding so there's a lot going on. Howard said it sounds like a mission or a job for her. Jenny said she loves having sex with him but it's finding the time to do it. She said they have people in the house and the baby and all of that.
Howard asked if Jason should ask for sex. Jenny said it's nice to know when he wants it. Howard said that she seems pretty sensible about it. Jenny said that men should ask for it. She said they shouldn't be resentful about it. Jenny said she'll do whatever Jason wants to do too. She said that he's obsessed with dressing up too. Jason said he loves see through stuff. He said he likes the see through bras. He said he wants a little mystery. Jenny said she just had a kid so she can't walk in heels.
Jenny said she gets into her period stained sweats and stuff like that. Jason said sometimes she'll come out with zit cream on her face. Howard asked if Jenny will have sex on her period. She said she'll do that no problem.
Howard said in any real relationship it settles into whatever it settles into. Howard said that they've all learned something. Howard said it was delightful seeing them. Jason said the same. Howard said Jason is on Netflix with Orange is the New Black and it's amazing what they're doing over there. Howard said he likes their attitude over there. He said it's exciting.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Jason about working with Paul Walker on some movie. Jason said he shot the movie and he was a great guy but he didn't stay in touch after the movie. He said he didn't see or hear from him after that.
Howard said that Jason and Jenny put out pictures of their child's birth and people gave them shit about it. Howard said it's very graphic and it's hard to look at. Jenny said the videos weren't that graphic but the picture was. Jenny said that they were told they were over sharing so they sent out the picture that was really over sharing. Jason said they did a whole segment on Good Morning America about it. They had an over sharing expert on the show to talk about it. Jason said Jenny's brilliant response to those fucks was to send out the really graphic picture. Jason said that the moments he captured on video and photos weren't released the same day. They did it a few days later. Howard said they were really pissed about it. Jenny said she took a picture of her doctor holding her placenta and posted it asking if that was over sharing or not.
Howard said that Jenny's book is called ''I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People'' and they'll be taking over their @SternShow Twitter account when the live AGT shows are airing.
Howard asked Jenny if she needs acting work. Jenny said she feels like Eric the Actor now. Howard asked if she would have done Sharknado. Jason said she would have if it came through the Stern show and they asked her to work with Benjy. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said if you want to support the charity that he and Beth set up called Bianca's Furry Friends you can bid on a studio tour. He said they have a link up on HowardStern.com for that too. Howard said the proceeds go to North Shore Animal League.
Howard said three years ago today something happened on the show. Howard asked Robin if she knows. Robin didn't know. Howard said that's the time Benjy interrupted the Anthony Weiner press conference. Howard played the audio of Benjy asking him how big his penis was and things like that. This was when Weiner was announcing that he was resigning after being caught in a sex scandal.
Howard asked Benjy if this is a distant thought in his head. Benjy started to answer but Howard saw he was eating. Benjy said it was just nuts and raisins. Howard said he has to stop with the nuts. He told him to just have a normal breakfast. Benjy said he will when he's done with the weight loss. Howard said he's going to end up getting a finger in his ass. Howard said he has bags of nuts there in front of him. Howard got back to the tape of Benjy at the press conference and played more of that.
Howard said people are still reeling about Ronnie talking about giving your grandfather a blow job and also about Ronnie getting the toothless blow job when he was young. Howard said the people were surprised by the part where the woman put baby powder on him and then blew him.
Howard played a bit the guys put together with Ronnie clips and an old woman porn clip. They had Ronnie yelling at her and then the woman blowing him.
Howard said they took a picture of Gary and put a turban on his head in Photoshop. Howard said they took the picture out on the street and showed it to people. Howard said they told people that he was one of the terrorists who was released from Gitmo. He said they said his name was Mahatma Bababooey. Howard said you have to see the picture. He said it's up on HowardStern.com. He said you have to check it out. Benjy saw it and said it as really good. Howard said they showed it to people and got their reactions. Howard played some audio of Sal and Richard talking to people about that. People were saying he looks dangerous. Robin said it's going to be dangerous for Gary to walk around now. Howard said people are going to recognize him as Mahatma Bababooey.
Howard played a couple more interviews Sal and Richard did and people really thought he looked dangerous. Howard said he hates to break it to them but he's working for Howard Stern. Howard said he looks like a generic foreigner. Howard said Gary went to the Today Show to do an appearance and an anchor woman thought he was one of the Chilean miners. Howard said Gary looks like anything but a well respected radio producer. Howard said he has to take a break and then play a Tan Mom game later on. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said it's been two weeks. She said that Beth is in the Daily News today. She also saw that Beth has a cast on her foot. Howard said on Saturday she was in the hospital. He said they went to dinner and had a great time. Howard said he was waiting to walk her out and he saw the police commissioner there so he went to say hello. Beth came out of the bathroom and tripped and she twisted the ankle she broke a couple years ago. Howard said it was swelling and bruised. He said he wanted her to go to the hospital but she didn't want to go. Howard said he demanded she go. It was like 10 at night on a Saturday. He said it was bedtime 2 hours ago. Howard said they got her x-rayed and the ankle isn't broken but it might be sprained. He said she's been waiting for summer and now she's in a cast. Howard said she wants to be out of it already. Mariann said she has to keep it on. Howard said she should tell her that.
Howard said they have 5 kittens they're fostering. Howard said Yoda has become mother to the kittens. He said they're so cute too. Howard said he's never seen anything like it. He said he watches over them and it's the weirdest thing. Howard said as Beth was falling out of the restaurant she saved 8 more kittens.
Howard said Beth had to change all of the litter boxes when she got home from her ankle thing. Howard said that she loves these things. Howard said that she loves to give them ice water on a hot day. Mariann said she does that for her dog too. Howard said she makes him crazy with the changing of the water and litter. He said it got him to be obsessive with it. Howard said he had to change the litter box too. Robin said it helps them maintain their own hygiene.
Mariann said that Howard was in the Hollywood Reporter about how Sirius wants him to stay. Mariann said she's going to be there if Howard wants to start the show at 7. Howard said the company is okay with him doing that. He said he would have loved that today. Robin said she would too. She said she was up at 2:15 this morning to get to work. Howard said that would be nice and he thinks that the audience wouldn't care.
Mariann mentioned that the Baba Booey ball is for sale. Howard hung up on her and said that she had a lot of topics today.
Howard took another call from a guy, Matt, who was up for trying to win the $500 and an Xbox One. Howard said that he is going to play the Tan Mom game. Howard said Tan Mom will be in later this week for her weigh in for the fight she's having against Milf Mom. The caller said he can't wait for that. Howard said he can't either.
Howard said that this guy can do 3 out of 5 and he has to win legitimately. Howard said they asked Tan Mom what 50 percent of 500 is. The caller said he's been drinking so he didn't even know. He got it a few seconds later. The guy said he's basically a Wack Packer. He said he's known as Cactus Matt. He said Eric the Actor put the hit out on him a few weeks ago. Howard said he still doesn't know who he is.
Howard said he's just going to play the game with this guy. Howard played the question they asked Tan Mom. This was just the practice question of 50 percent of 500. Tan Mom said ''5000.'' Howard said now they know they're dealing with someone more out of it than Matt.
Howard asked Matt if he was ready to play. Matt said he was ready to go. Howard played a clip of Sal asking Tan Mom how many donuts there are in a Baker's Dozen. Matt knew it was 13 and said Tan Mom would not know it. Howard said he thinks she will know it. Tan Mom said it was 12.
Howard played the next question which was ''What does fornicate mean?'' Howard said he'll accept any answer that is sexual. Matt said she has to know that one. Howard played Tan Mom's answer which was ''It can be like planting flowers.''
Howard played the next question which was ''Who gave us the Statue of Liberty?'' Matt knew it was the French. He said Tan Mom will not know. Tan Mom said ''Lincoln.'' Howard said Matt was right. Howard said Matt needs just one more right.
Howard played the next question which was ''How many cards are in a deck?'' Matt knew it was 52 or 54 with the jokers. Howard said he'll take 52. Matt said she has to know this one. Howard locked him in and played Tan Mom's answer which was ''24.'' Howard said that isn't even close. Robin asked how she gets along in life. Howard said he has no idea.
Howard said they're down to the wire now. Matt has to get the next one right or he doesn't win. Howard played the next question which was ''What does CIA stand for?'' Matt knew the answer and he said that Tan Mom will not know. He changed his answer when Howard asked if he was sure he wanted to go that way. Matt said he thinks she will know it. Then he switched back to no a minute later. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said ''Certified Intelligence Agents.'' Howard said that means Matt won the $500 and the Xbox One. Howard asked what he has to say. Matt said that's great. He said he's going to fly to see her fight.
Gary cam in and told Howard that She got all of the answers wrong but that's because he told Sal to mix things up and Sal thinks that CIA really is ''Certified Intelligence Agents.'' Howard asked if Sal really thinks that's right. Gary said that's what he heard. Howard said Sal is really not bright. Howard said he hasn't picked up any information. He said he could play that game all day and night. Gary said there's a whole other page of her questions. Howard said he'll save them for anther day.
Howard said he was reading about this 10 year old kid who had a 4.0 GPA and graduated high school. Howard said he has a guy working there who has no idea what CIA stands for.
Howard said no woman could sleep next to Hanzi snoring like that. Fred played some sound effects of wood being sawed. He had some other clips that sounded like the snore. Howard said he must have sleep apnea. Howard said that's a much cooler name for snoring.
Howard said that the hockey is over now. He said the LA Kings won that. Howard said people are into this FIFA soccer now.
Howard still had Hanzi snoring on the line. Howard said someone wrote in about this elephant that got killed for its tusks and it was a well known elephant. Howard said that the guy wants security put on Gary now just in case. Howard did alive commercial read after that. He still had Hanzi snoring like crazy in the background. Fred played a lion roar and other sounds while Hanzi continued to snore. Then they went to commercial break and they left Hanzi on during the commercials.
Howard said he has a clip to play. He said he had a CNN reporter saying the word shit. Howard played that and the woman got in a ''shit'' in there. Howard said someone yelled out Lucas Dell'Abate during a golf tournament. Howard said he had a few Baba Booey yells too. Howard played one where the golfer took his swing and a guy yelled out Baba Booey. Then in another clip a guy yelled it out really loud and clear. Robin said that was a 10. Howard said the snoring is an 11. Howard said he had a Lucas Dell'Abate shout out too. Howard said he heard that Lucas heard the shout out and he was laughing at it.
Howard said that if he was Hanzi's parents he'd just leave and not tell him where they went. Howard said he'd clear the house and disappear. Howard said that they could pack him in a crate and ship him off somewhere.
Howard played the Lucas Dell'Abate shout out which was nice and clear too. Howard said he likes Baba Booey better. Howard said he had another Baba Booey shout out from a golf tournament. That one was fairly clear. Howard said he had a Gogo Harder shout out too. He's a porn star that they want to use for the Benjy fingering.
Howard listened to Hanzi snoring and he said he's never heard snoring that quick. He said it would be weird if his parents had a pillow over his head and they were smothering him.
Howard played another Baba Booey shout out from the golf tournament. That was a nice one too. Howard took a call from a guy who said this is Hanzi's best phone call ever. He asked what he was calling in for. Howard said he doesn't know how to fill out the W8 form that they had to send him to get his $500. Howard said it was hard to hear this caller with Hanzi snoring. He let the guy go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked between Ronnie and Richard who would blow a dog. Howard said he thinks Richard would do that.
Howard asked Fred if Hanzi is still snoring the same speed. Fred said he thinks he went up a little bit for a while but then settled back down. Howard said he has never heard snoring like that. He wondered if he was on his back or what. Howard said he can't even breathe that fast. Robin said Howard is in shape and he doesn't have that weight weighing down his lungs. Howard said he always forgets that Robin was a nurse and she served in the air force. Howard said she's the only one who served. The guys thought that Ronnie was in the Air Force or something. Howard said he thinks he was in the reserves. Howard said he isn't putting that down because he respects any service. Howard said he's just good at talking about it. He said he could never do that himself.
Robin started her news talking about a woman who was killed by the junk she was hoarding. Robin said she was found dead after the first floor of her home collapsed into the basement of her home. Howard said she had so much crap that it collapsed the floor. Robin sad they found her 2 days after a postal worker called in to ask them to check on her. Robin said the first floor had stacks of paper to the ceiling. Robin said officials didn't realize that the floor had collapsed right away. Howard said that's a curse to have that. He said that he loves having a clear room and desk. He said he would feel so cursed having that in his life. Howard said that Gary and Ronnie both had moms who were hoarders. Robin said she read about a woman who put $40,000 in a mattress and she had no idea that she had left it there.
Howard said he thinks that Hanzi will wake up eventually. He said that they'll tell him it's the year 2048 when he wakes up. Howard tried to wake him up by yelling at him. He said that he was telling him with peace and love that he had to wake up. He was telling him that he was from the FCC and he had to wake up. Fred played him some alarms and stuff and then had Benjy screaming his name trying to wake him. Nothing was working. Hanzi kept snoring.
Robin read a story about a medical breakthrough that Jon Hein may like. Robin said it was a type 1 diabetes device called a bionic pancreas. Robin said it monitors blood sugar levels and it will automatically pump insulin. Robin said they say it would monitor your blood sugar and it will give you sugar or insulin depending on your levels. Howard said people could get fatter and fatter and not worry. Robin said she doesn't think that's the purpose of this thing.
Robin read a story about a prosthetic vagina that's being made. Howard said he's going to put one in Fred and fuck him. Robin said this is something that's implanted and it becomes a vagina. Robin said they tested it and these women were able to menstruate. Howard said this is good for transsexuals then. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said it was tested on women.
Robin read a story about a 20 year old rape victim that got no sympathy from a 911 operator. Robin said the victim called 911 last Sunday and the dispatcher told her to stop crying so she could get the information from her. Robin said the victim said she had no idea how the guy got in and the dispatcher was not very sympathetic to her.
Howard took a call from ''Hanzi Drops'' who wanted to wake up Hanzi. It was Sal and Richard playing clips of Hanzi. That didn't work to wake him up either.
Robin read a story about Matt Lauer staying on with the Today show for a couple more years. Howard said of course they're going to keep him. Robin said they should just say his contract was extended. She said they're making a big deal out of it. Howard said that's the press doing that.
Robin read that Robin Thicke has named his new album after his wife Paula. Robin said he's been trying to get her back and he has gone so far as to name it after her. Howard said he's trying everything to get her back. Robin said no one is saying if it's getting to her or not. Howard said if this doesn't work his next album should be called ''Fuck this I'm going to Tinder.''
Robin read a story about how Mick Jagger already has a new girlfriend. Howard said of course he does. Howard said it's been 11 weeks since his last girlfriend died. Howard said he was single for 11 weeks and that's like 3 lifetimes for Mick Jagger. Howard said they should be happy that he didn't fuck someone at L'Wren Scott's funeral. Howard said that this dancer he's dating is fucking hot. Robin said she's 43 years younger than Mick. Robin said he apparently spotted her before L'Wren died. Hanzi was still on snoring at this point. He had been on all this time.
Howard said that Ruby Dee just died too. Robin said she had just seen her in Raisin in the Sun and that is such a great movie. Robin said she was a huge fan of hers.
Howard said the Alabama coach wants to wake Hanzi up. Howard put Sal and Richard on with clips of the coach. That didn't work either.
Howard said there's a new Jay Leno book out. Howard said they had him on 60 Minutes but it was a rerun. Howard said he forgets what a dick the guy is. He said there is no passion with the guy. He said Jay never gets angry about what NBC did to him. Howard said that there's a book coming out about the late night stuff and he was looking forward to it until he saw that Jay wrote the foreword to it. Howard said that there can't be any truth in there if Jay is involved.
Robin read about Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow and how they're closer than ever after their ''conscious uncoupling.'' Howard said they do seem to be spending a lot of time together for divorced people. Robin said they have been seen together and giggling like a romantic couple according to the Daily Mail. Howard said she is hot. He said she's all snooty and all actressy. Robin said she doesn't get it. Howard said she would if she had a dick.
Robin said Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas have split and they may be fighting over custody of their dogs. Robin read more about that. Howard said he thinks that the woman should get custody. He said he had to walk away from his dog when he got divorced. He said that it really is hard to separate from everything you love.
Howard took a call from a guy who actually woke Hanzi up accidentally. Howard put the guy back on hold and said he's been waiting for Hanzi for an hour. He said now they're out of time. Howard said he's had him snoring the whole time. Hanzi said he wasn't. Howard said he was and told him to listen back to the show. Howard let him go. Hanzi sounded like he was in a daze. Howard said he has to get ready for work.
The caller said he thinks that he just earned an Xbox One for waking Hanzi up. Howard said he wishes he had one to give him.
The caller asked if Howard would ever do a show on Netflix or HBO. Howard said sure but he doesn't know. The caller said those two platforms are suitable for Howard. Howard said he'll do one there. He said he'd do that if he was offered something. He said that True Detective show was really great.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked what he'd do if his therapist died. Howard said he doesn't know. He said that dude is a really good dude. Howard said he's not sure he could even go to his funeral. He said he's not let in on a lot of his personal life. Howard said he thinks he'd show up. He let Wheels go and did a live commercial read.
Robin told Howard that she's going to be a guest programmer at the TCM channel. Robin said she's going to pick 4 films and they're going to play them. Robin said Raisin in the Sun is one of them. She said that she didn't want to tell Howard the other 3. Howard guessed anyway. Robin said that A Place in the Sun and Born Yesterday were a couple. Robin said the other one was The Philadelphia Story.
Robin read a story about Elton John remembering Casey Kasem at a performance at Bonaroo this weekend. Robin had some audio of that performance.
Robin read about what's going on with Iraq and said that politicians are split on if we should go back. Robin said we're not going to stay and take care of it even if we go back. Robin said it's just a band aid if we go back. Howard said the soldiers over there are an abomination. Howard said that they can't train those people. Howard said they executed 1,700 guys over there for no good reason. Howard said everything we did over there was all in vain. Robin had some audio clips of people talking about that. Robin and Howard spent a couple of minutes debating it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he thinks he's with Robin on her stance about Iraq. Robin said the country was tired of the Iraq thing and that's what President Obama wanted to get us out of. Howard said we have to let those maniacs run their own thing over there. Robin said we shouldn't be talking about going back in.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton and what Mitt Romney was saying about her and her failures as secretary of state. Robin had some audio of Romney talking about some other things as well.
Howard said he drew a picture of Buddha. He said Beth was going to tweet it but he didn't let her. He said he didn't want to be goofed on. Howard showed Robin a picture he drew of a boot. Robin said he's getting some depth and perspective. Howard said he is. Howard showed it to Fred who said he loves it. Howard said he also drew his room and hallway. He said he's very detailed. Howard said he likes the one of his boot the most. Robin asked if he is taking more lessons. Howard said he's not. He said he has a teacher monitoring him though. Robin said she was traumatized by art. Howard said he's going to have an art show in a year. He said he only has three drawings right now.
Robin read a story about a general who is going to be looking into why Bowe Bergdahl left his post in 2009. Robin said he spent 5 years in captivity. Robin said he was kept in a metal box for 2 years. Robin said he didn't see another person the entire time he was in solitary confinement.
Robin read a story about a guy who claimed he was in the movie Twilight and he lured a 14 year old girl into his car by saying that. Howard said that's how Fred got him into his car. He said he got him in there and blew him.
Robin read a story about the FDA telling people to get more fish into their diet. Robin said fish is a good source of nutrition. Howard said he's going to be eating salmon in a few minutes. Robin said she does it sometimes too. Howard said that's what her doctor told her to do. Howard said Robin argued with her doctor over eating more fish. Robin had some audio of a person from the FDA talking about this fish thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a car that can get 1700 miles per gallon. Robin said the top speed is only 15 miles per hour. Howard said it sounds like they're right on target with that. Howard said it sounds like a golf cart if it can only go 15 miles per hour. Robin had some audio of some kids talking about their project.
Robin read a story about the 25th anniversary of the movie Field of Dreams. Robin said there were a lot of fans who went to the field where they shot the movie. Robin said they had some of the cast there too. Robin said they screened the film on the field too. Howard made up some conversations of people who showed up for that. Howard said the Bronys are laughing at those people.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said today's in studio guests were Jason Biggs and Jenny Mollen. He said they have a unique show business marriage. He said they told some great stories and they are both huge fans of the show. He said when you have those discussions you never know where it's going to go and what's going to catch Howard's fancy. He said Jenny is up for a good time.
Gary said one of the things he liked about it was that it was a good insight into a Hollywood relationship where one person is more famous than the other. Gary said he liked it when Jenny said she felt like Eric the Actor when Howard said he had to find her some work.
Jon said they did a good job with Howard and the Woody Allen thing. Jon said he thinks that with Jenny and her mother she found it hard to rebel with her mother being so open. Gary said her mother wanted her to get a fake ID just so she could hang with her at bars.
Gary said that they asked how he felt they did and he told them that honesty is the best policy and they were very honest.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard may have gone a little too far with the Casey Kasem bit this morning. He said he thinks there will be a big media blow back over it. Gary said he doesn't think there will be. Jon asked the caller if he thinks it was too much. The caller said the man just died and it was a little bit much. Gary asked what the right amount of time is to tell jokes like that. The caller said Gary is right that there is no good time. He said he's just afraid that there will be blow back.
Gary said he loved Casey Kasem growing up. He said he thought he knew every fact in the world but it turns out he actually didn't. He said that he had people putting that information together for him. Gary said he had to think about what he knew about the guy and go with that. Gary said he didn't know the man behind the voice. Jon said he must have wanted to know more about the guy. Gary said he never thought he could be the guy but he wanted to have something to do with someone like that.
Jon said they found out that Casey didn't have a love for music like you'd think he did. He said he liked peace and quiet when he wasn't doing his radio show. Jon said that Howard was talking about how impressed he was with what he did with that career. Gary said he doesn't think Casey was looking to break ground but Howard was. He said Howard did it too.
Gary said that Howard didn't talk to CNN today because he felt that he and Casey are really different. He said the only thing they have in common is that they're on radio. He said that Casey wasn't really an innovator. He said he took an existing format and did something with it.
Gary said he had a number for Casey and he used to call him at the place he lived and the guy would pick up. He said he tried to get him on the show but Casey never wanted to do it. He said he did try though. They went to break after that.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Jason Biggs. He said he was in American Pie which he did for 55 grand. He said the next movie he made 2 million on. Jon said he did a Woody Allen movie and he didn't even have to audition for it.
Gary said he was reading about a TV show that someone auditioned for after a bunch of people turned down offers for. He said that sometimes you just don't know how someone is going to do until you see them in the part.
Gary and Jon talked about the Game of Thrones finale and how they were wondering if everyone watched it live or not. They were talking about how the spoilers were in the paper today and how it seems like they put it there just to fuck with the people who haven't seen it yet. Jon said that it was also an hour and 7 minutes long and that's what HBO does and how regular networks won't do that kind of thing. Gary said it's almost a gimme that the season finales are going to go over time on a network like that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she has to tell Ronnie that her father loved his blow job. She also asked if Casey was married for more than 20 years to that Jean woman because they keep calling her his ''new wife.'' Gary said they have been married for a really long time.
Jon and Gary talked about how Casey Kasem's family pulled the plug like he apparently wanted them to. Jon said that he can see why the wife wanted to keep him around because she thought that he was communicating with her in some way. Gary said that he and his wife have a stipulation that says they want to be let go if they're vegetables.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked if he has a living will. Ronnie said he just has a will. He said he has to get that done. He said he's about to do that. Gary asked what his plan is. Ronnie said he's going to get the plug pulled. He said he doesn't want to hang around for that. Ronnie said if they say there's nothing they can do then he wants the plug pulled.
Jon asked if he's considering it now because he's getting older. Ronnie said his mother wasn't a planner but one day she handed him this envelope and it was her funeral which was all planned out and paid for. Ronnie said he didn't expect that. He said she planned it all out and went on a payment plan. Jon said maybe she didn't want the costs to fall on him. Ronnie said that's right and now he's thinking about doing something similar.
Gary said he and Mary are at odds about what they want done to them once they die. He said Mary wants to be cremated and he wants a monument. He said he's having second thoughts about that. Gary said he has thought about it more than he should.
Gary said that they're thinking about having something done a year after they die so the family can mourn and get over it. He said they may pay for a trip to another country where they can have their ashes spread.
Ronnie said he had a friend who wanted his ashes spread at his house that he didn't own anymore. Ronnie said that he went to the house in January and he had the ashes in his truck. He said there was like 20 inches of snow on the ground and no one was in the house. He said he had the ashes in a box and it was sealed with screws. He said he didn't have a screwdriver to open it. He said he used his tire iron to open it. He said he went to this spot in the yard where his dog was buried. He said he walked over and dumped the ashes on the snow there. Gary asked why he didn't wait until Spring. Ronnie said he just wanted to get it over with. Ronnie said he was still married to Bonnie at the time and she wanted to have a whole ceremony.
Ronnie said he went to buy a monument for his dog and he was thinking about how much it costs for people to have a funeral. He said it's a lot of expense and a lot of people don't go to the cemetery afterward. Gary said he knows. He said it really is a lot of money. Ronnie said his mom died in 2007 and it was 10 grand. He said it wasn't even a really exclusive funeral.
Gary said that you can buy a casket from Costco. Gary said they're insanely cheaper than regular caskets. Jon said that's convenient but morbid.
Ronnie said after his mother did that to take the burden off he thought it was a good thing. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they would be up for a threesome if their wives would do that. Gary said he was talking to Howard about that and he may have been up for it at a time but not now. Gary said both parties have to be really into it or it's just odd. Gary said at this age he thinks about what he'd be thinking about the next day.
The caller asked Ronnie if he's done that. Ronnie said ''I don't know.'' Gary said he's asking if he has done it. Ronnie said anything is possible.
Jon said he doesn't think he'd be up for it. The caller asked if he just got a blow job. Jon said that's not for him.
Ronnie asked what he would do if his wife had another guy. Jon said he doesn't want to share his wife with anyone. He said he's not going to sit there and watch her do something with another woman. Gary said that he'd be afraid that a woman would treat his wife so well that she'd run off with her.
Jon asked Ronnie if he would let a guy get involved. Ronnie said there's no way. He said that it would only be a woman. Gary said that could get messy having another guy involved.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has a friend in mind who lets his girl bring anything and everything into his relationship. He said if that was his old lady he wouldn't let it happen. Gary said he thinks that most wives won't let that stuff happen. The caller said he'd be afraid that his wife would like it and then what good would he be. Gary said that's just one thing swirling in his head.
Ronnie said that a girl can only do so much. He said they need a dick. Jon said with that he's going to go to Shuli who has some Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli ran down a few things they had coming up today on Howard 100 News. He mentioned one story they have about people in the office who are scared of Jon Hein. JD is one of them and he said that. JD has had him stop news stories because he fears upsetting Jon Hein. Shuli said he's willing to harmonize people's voices to keep them from being discovered.
Shuli ran down a couple more headlines and then got in a plug for Leiberman Live which is on at 4:45 today. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the big doings around the World Cup. He said he likes that the most exciting thing is the announcers when someone gets a goal and they do that long scream. Howard said he doesn't care about the World Cup himself. Robin said she hasn't heard. She doesn't watch. Howard said all of the announcers do it. He played a clip of one of them doing the long ''Gooooooal'' thing and it lasted about 15 seconds. Robin said he has to be kidding her. Howard said it's really annoying. He said it's like when an annoying porn star is cumming. Howard said he has many examples of it. He said it sounds like JD in the back room when he's watching porn. Howard played another couple of examples of guys going on way too long with the ''Gooooooal'' thing. Robin said those are grown men doing that.
Howard said it's nice being his age. He said getting laid is still important but not like it used to be. He said he went to beat off and he didn't even finish. He said he gave up and stopped. He said it was weird. He said that's happened to him a couple of times. He said he's been tugging at this piece of taffy and nothing is going on. He said you think like a young dude but he just doesn't need to finish. Howard said the internet came too late. He said that he has everything at his fingertips now. He said he went through magazines and video cassettes and all of that. Robin asked if he used magazines a lot. Howard said he did whatever he had to do. He said he used to read Honey West books. Howard said he never wanted to buy porn in a store. He said you want to kill yourself doing that. Howard said he went through it all. He said porn dragged him into the future. Howard said it's amazing and the future is so bright for porn.
Robin said porn isn't making any money. Howard said it must be. He said they had the AVN awards again. He said he has some clips of that. Howard said Playboy is struggling. He said Penthouse is still in business but they must be struggling too. Howard said Gary told him that they sent him a sex doll and it's like a $2,000 doll. Howard said he was shocked that they can afford that. Howard said he didn't know they were still around. Howard said they have to figure out what to do with the sex doll. Howard said Gary said it's very hot. Howard asked Gary if he can bring it in.
The guys brought the doll in and Howard asked what they're trying to do with this thing. Gary said he has no idea. Gary said it's called a Cyberskin doll. They're branding it with the Penthouse name. Howard said they're trying to sell the thing. Gary said he told Howard that they're selling it. Howard said he didn't tell him that.
Howard told Gary to just open that thing up. Gary said it's hard to get it out of there. Gary said she's on all fours in the box. Robin said she has a bubble on her head. Gary showed that it came with lube. Howard said she's not even hot. He said she has bigger tits than Robin does. Robin said that's why she can't stand up. Robin said it's hysterical. Howard said she's on all fours and her big vagina and asshole are pointed at you. Howard said her ass is huge and her tits are huge too. Gary said she's supposed to be Nicole Aniston. Gary said she has a vagina, ass and mouth.
Howard asked Gary to smack her ass to see if it sounds real. Gary smacked it and said it sounds plastic. Howard said it's really not hot. He said maybe they can send it to Eric the Actor or Imran Khan. Gary said they may not be able to get it into Canada.
Howard had Eric on the phone and asked if he wanted the doll. Eric didn't want it. He said he's not accepting that. Robin said it has big tits. Johnny Fratto was on the line too and he asked Eric why not. Howard said they can send it to the Casey Kasem funeral instead.
Howard told Eric that it's a full body and he can fuck her totally. Robin said he'd love her tits. Howard said he is going to send it to him. He said he thinks he'll love it. Eric said no. Howard said he thinks he's embarrassed to want this thing but he would love it. Eric said he can not have something like that because he doesn't have anywhere to put it. Gary asked if he had a real girl if he would have somewhere to put that. Eric said she wouldn't live there.
Howard said if Eric is fucking his bed then why not fuck this thing. Howard said he's going to send it to him anyway and he can throw it out if he doesn't want it. Howard said he can at least meet her. Johnny said her name is Kendra. Howard told Gary to just send it to him. He said he's reading between the lines. Eric said he can not accept it.
Howard said he gets it and he knows what he needs to do. He said he needs to send it to him but Eric can keep protesting. Howard said he can go on a date with her and just see how things work out. Eric said he can't accept it. He told Howard that he has to accept that he can't accept it. Eric said he can't even masturbate himself anymore because his heart starts messing up. Howard said he gets it now. He said he can't get excited because his heart might give out. Howard said he can't argue with that. Gary said it's off to Canada then.
Howard said maybe Eric can play with her titties and not whack off. Robin said he can't just do that. It will go further than that. Gary said he just noticed that the thing plugs in so it must do something else.
Howard said he's going to send it to Hanzi instead. Howard asked if Eric is really going to do that to this poor doll. Eric said he is. Howard said just imagine if Eric died while he was fucking this thing.
Eric asked Gary if he's looking forward to his family movie ''Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.'' Gary said he's not but he is looking forward to fucking a real girl.
Howard asked if he could send the doll to GonzoShitock. Howard had Gonzo on the phone so he asked him if he'd take it. Gonzo said he'd take it. Howard said he has to offer it to Hanzi first. Howard asked if Eric would get mad if Gonzo took it. Eric said that's fine. Johnny said that he could use it as a pillow. Howard said he knows Eric would love this thing. Gonzo said he'll take it first and then give it to Eric. He said he'll clean it up. Howard said he can't do that. Howard said it would be funny if Eric legally married this thing.
Howard said they can take a picture and put it up on the web so Eric can see it. Eric said he could look on his iPad. Howard said she looks pretty good from where he's at. Robin said she looks dead from where she's at. Howard said he has seen some girls that look more dead than her.
Johnny told Howard that he has the patent on the hologram rights for adult stuff. He said that they used the technology on AGT. He said that he has the worldwide rights for doing it with adult stuff. He said it can look 3 dimensional. Howard said he can imagine telling Beth what he's doing to porn in 3D. Johnny said he's going to send Gary some video of two girls and he can check it out and tell him if it looks like 2 girls or not.
Howard asked Jason if the pictures are up on the web yet. Jason said he's working on it. Jason said he'd have it up in 15 more seconds. Howard told Jason to take pictures of the vagina. Jason said he did but he wasn't sure if he had to blur it out. Howard said it's a doll so it's fine.
Howard said he thinks Eric is going to like this thing. He said Eric can take it and he won't have to worry about his parents. Howard said he thinks he's just embarrassed. Gary asked when Eric last masturbated. Eric said he tried last night but he wasn't able to finish. He said he started having problems. Howard said he did too. He said it was like tugging on taffy. He said it was taking too much time and he wanted to go to bed and watch regular TV. He said he didn't want to be there all night.
Gonzo said he tried doing it before the show and he wasn't able to finish either. Howard asked where the picture is. Jason said it's on twitter now. He said it's going up on the web site soon.
Gonzo seemed to like the doll but he didn't like the position she was in. Howard said if Eric dressed her the right way then Eric's parents might think it's a real girl. Gonzo said her hands don't come off her tits though. Howard asked Johnny if he saw it yet. Johnny wasn't able to find it. Howard asked Eric if he saw it. Eric said hold on. Howard said he thinks Eric is going to want her. Jason said it's on the front page of HowardStern.com too.
Gary said he loves that the put a necklace on her. Gonzo said the actual porn star is gorgeous. He said that she shouldn't even be a porn star. Johnny said he sees Gary with his terrorist cap on but not the doll.
Eric said he sees the doll. Howard asked what he thinks. Eric said he can see every picture in the world of this doll and he's not going to take it. Howard asked if she's his type. Eric didn't say. Howard said that's fine. Howard said Gonzo wants her.
Gary read from the side of the box and it says she has a ribbed windpipe. Howard asked Eric if he heard that. Gary said there are six speeds on the vibrator. Gary read more about the textured tunnel of her pussy that can stroke your cock. Eric said he's going to hang the fuck up if they can't accept that he won't take it. Gary said they're not sending him the doll. He said they're sending him $2000 worth of something. Howard said Eric wants it but he's embarrassed to say. Eric said he does not. Howard said that's his read on the situation. Howard said maybe he can cut her head off and just send him the ribbed throat.
Johnny said he wants it. Gonzo said he wants it. Gonzo asked Eric where he would hide it if his parents came over. Eric said that's what he's thinking. He said he has nowhere to put the damn thing when his parents come over. Howard said they could just put it in Jon's room. Gonzo said he thinks that Jon may actually try fucking it so he wouldn't trust him. Howard said maybe Jon can hide it for him in a closet. Eric said not in that small ass house. Howard said Eric can tell Jon to bring him his girlfriend when his parents are gone. Howard said has to go. Gonzo said he really wants the doll. Johnny said he really wants it. Howard said he's not giving it to Johnny. He said he has enough problems. Howard said Hanzi has a big, thick cock and he's going to go to town on this doll. Gonzo said he still wants it. Howard said Gonzo is third in line.
Johnny said that the reason he called is because Eric doesn't want to do Brickleberry. Eric said he can't do it because people will go try to see the cartoon and his nieces will see it. Howard said he has such a warped view. He said that they're not going to watch comedy Central. Howard said he can just not tell them that he's on it. Johnny said they really want him on the show too. Howard asked what would happen if his nieces found out he follows 5,000 big titted porn stars on Twitter. He's been to the Bunny Ranch too and his nieces could find out about that too. Howard asked if Eric is really turning this down. Eric said he's on the fence about it. Howard said that must have made a lot of sense to him. Eric said maybe it did. Robin said he's not good at thinking things through.
Howard said if Eric is going around following all of these porn girls the nieces are going to find out about that. Eric said that they're not going to see him on Twitter. He said they're under 10. Johnny said they're not going to watch dirty TV if they're under 10. Howard said he really has to go. He let Eric, Johnny and Gonzo go. Gonzo asked Howard to keep him in mind for that doll.
Howard said Gary just picked up the doll and the ass was in his face. Howard asked how much she weighs. Gary said it's probably 50 pounds or so. Howard thanked the Penthouse people for the doll. Robin asked if there is profit in those things. Howard said probably not. Howard said you're not going to see that stuff in someone's house.
Howard said he was shocked to learn that Penthouse is still in business. He said you never see the magazine anymore.
Howard said Billy was on set doing that shit. He said the director can only get you to do so much. Howard said he thinks that Billy thought he was doing something cool. He said the whole fucking thing is weird. He said he could have had a bigger career but that video was crazy. Gary said he talks about it in a book that someone wrote about MTV. He said Billy talked about why they did it and how he didn't like it and how it ruined his career.
Howard said Freddie Mercury was a gay man and he didn't even put out a video like that. Robin was watching the video and laughing. Howard said he rips one shirt off and then puts another on and his shoulder is showing in that one. Howard said that he puts on a pink undershirt at some point. Robin said that's what she's seeing.
Howard said this Friday night they have a Soundgarden concert coming up on Howard 101. Howard said they're doing a 20th anniversary concert and they recorded it for the channel. Howard said they came by there and talked about the album. Howard said that will be on Friday night at 10pm on Howard 101. He said they're starting their own concert series there so that's how they're kicking it off. Howard said they had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked them to tell him when Donald Trump is on the phone. Howard said he loves giving him hot chick brackets. Howard said he has to do that and talk to him about who he hates the most. Howard said he has some of the latest hot chicks on the list. Howard said he loves when he fights with people. He said he doesn't think that he's going to run for president. He said he thinks it's good for publicity. Howard said he has so much fun in his life that he doesn't need to be president and screw that up. He said it's all just for promotion. Howard said he's been to Trump's Maralago. He said if he owned that he'd never leave.
Howard had Donald on the phone and said he was just talking about Maralago and how great that is. He said he was also talking about him running for president and how he can't imagine him lessening his life by running for president. Trump told Howard that Maralago cost $30 million to build in the 1920s. Robin said that must be like 100 million now. Howard said that place is so nice. He said he didn't want to leave.
Howard said every guy there looks like Trump. He said he got dressed up but he looks like he's in the wrong place no matter where you put him. Trump said he decided to make it a club. He said he had to sue everyone to get that through. Howard said he doesn't care and he'll just sue everyone. Trump said the place really isn't a house. He said it should be a club. He said it was given to the US Government to be the southern White House. He said they are on 22 acres and there are walls all around it. He said you have to be a member to be there. He said they are very successful.
Trump said that Richard Nixon had it and he loved it. He said he was there one time and then he was in the Watergate thing. Then Jimmy Carter became president and he wanted to be a regular guy carrying his own luggage. Howard said Trump has said that Obama doesn't come off a plane the right way. Trump said he bounces off the plane and that's not the way to exit. Howard said there is a more regal walk that he could have. Trump said he runs and bounces down the stairs. He said he's really not much of a president.
Trump said he's making Jimmy Carter look good. He said we're a disaster and just look at what we're doing. He said that this deal we made for one soldier isn't right. He said this soldier walked off and he's a traitor. He said that you don't make a trade like they did. He said you see what's happening now. He said we spent $2 trillion in Iraq and he's no fan of Bush either. He said that we did that and now we're sending people back. Howard said that we were told they had weapons of mass destruction and they didn't. Howard said Saddam Hussein had that area under control. Trump said he had other problems but he did keep them under control over there. He said there was no terrorism there. He said that he also kept Iran at bay.
Trump said now we've decapitated that country. He said now Obama is calling Iran to go in and help us. He said what they're going to do is take over Iraq. He said that's what they've wanted to do for centuries. He said they're going to wipe out these guys. Howard said Robin made a good point yesterday. He said she said we go in and help out the situation there in Iraq. He said that if we do that as soon as we leave they're just going to do it all over again. He said we should get out of there and leave it up to them how they want to deal with it. Trump said we never should have been there in the first place. He said we should not be going back.
Trump said the day we leave, no matter how long we stay, things are going to turn right around. He said we have to rebuild our own country. He said he did that with the Wolman ice skating rink. He said it took 15 years for the Koch administration to not finish it. He said he turned it around in 3 months and had it finished. He said most of that was ripping down what they put up.
Trump said he just got back from Dubai and they have great runways over there. He said it's nothing like what's going on there in New York. He said that he landed in Dubai and the runways are like glass. He said everything is good. He said in China they have roadways and all of that. He said our country is falling apart and we're spending money on these countries that we don't care about. He said he was in Qatar and they were showing him the airport. He said they have magnificent rooms there. He said that they were showing him this nice airport and they were going to rip it down in a year because they're building a new one. He said they have like 40 cranes in a line building the new one. He said it's sad that our country can't do that.
Howard asked if he's talking about raising taxes and building infrastructure. Trump said he's not talking about raising taxes. He had calls coming in so he kept getting cut off by the calls coming in.
Howard said he has some brackets for him. He said this one is about people he hates. Howard said he has a problem with President Obama and Jerry Seinfeld. Trump said that he doesn't hate Obama. Trump asked if he saw his Chicago sign. Howard had no idea what he was talking about. Trump said he had some controversy last week and he's surprised that he didn't hear about it.
Trump also told Howard that he bought some property in Scotland and some stuff in Miami for golf courses. He told Howard about what he's doing with those places. He said he buys things that are in distress because he can fix them and get a good deal on them. Howard asked how he knows when he buys these things that they're gong to be big. Trump said they're already great. He said he knows what he's doing so that's how he does all of that. Trump said this Dorall place he bought is doing really well and everyone from Miami is going there. Trump said he had to get that in a bidding competition. He said that someone wrote about how he has a knack for finding the good stuff.
Howard asked how he identifies the properties. Trump said it depends on the location and it might be a building that can be a resort. He said he sees them and he figures out that they can be great. Howard asked if he invests with people. Trump said he doesn't have partners so he does most of it by himself. He said he uses his own money for the most part. Howard said that he'd do the same if he were president. Trump said it would be even easier. He said we have tremendous value under our feet. He said they ruined the coal industry in this country. He said we sell our coal to China and then they use it and laugh at us. He said their factories are much more efficient than ours. He said we're not allowed to use coal but we sell it to China who uses it.
Howard asked if he hates Obama or Seinfeld more. Trump said he doesn't dislike either of them. He said he doesn't think that Seinfeld is funny though. He said he's awkward and he's not that funny to him. He said Seth Meyers is awkward too. He said he shouldn't be doing television. He said he misses Johnny Carson. He said he was a friend of his and he had some serious problems. He said he had a big drinking problem and he was nasty when he drank. He said they'd beat up a fan asking for an autograph. He said that Frank Sinatra was even worse. He said Frank was with him in Monte Carlo having dinner. He said he had a big fight with his wife in front of him. Trump said he had a model girlfriend and she had no idea what was going on. He was pretending nothing was going on. He said they walked out to the lobby and someone came up to Frank and asked if he could get a picture with him. He said Sinatra had his guys beat the hell out of the guy. He said he was semi conscious after that beating. He said Frank was the worst in terms of people. He said he was seriously evil. He said Carson was evil too when he was drunk.
Trump said Seth Meyers is terrible at his job. He said God didn't put him on this planet to do the job he does. Howard said it's sort of become the thing to be awkward. Trump said that he was angered by Seinfeld. He said his son Eric Trump has a foundation that he works hard on for St. Judes. He said that he works for him and he is in charge of a bunch of things for him. He said that Eric gives his money to charity. He said he was having a thing at one of his golf courses in Westchester. He said Jerry Seinfeld agreed to entertain. He said that was very nice. Then something happened where he made a statement about Obama and Jerry said that he wasn't going to the event. Trump said that charity event had nothing to do with him. He said Seinfeld dropped those kids just because of something he said about Obama. He said he's a bumbling guy and he doesn't like him. He said he disappointed the kids at St. Jude. Howard said he's going to put Seinfeld down in the bracket. Trump said he doesn't dislike the guy. Howard said he's going to put Obama in there then. Trump said he doesn't dislike that guy either. He said he's just letting the country go downhill. He said the country is not doing well. Howard said no one can disagree with him on that.
Howard asked Trump to get back to the brackets. He said he has to get somewhere with them. Trump said he wants to stay away from those brackets. Howard asked who he would marry his daughter off to if he had to. Trump said he wouldn't choose either.
Howard said he has Rosie O'Donnell and Seth Meyers in another bracket. Trump said he wants to get into that. He said that he was at the White House Dinner and Obama was up talking. He said Obama was talking about him a lot. He said he was making a speech and he's talking about him making jokes. Trump said that he had a great time there. He said then Seth Meyers got up and said something nasty. He said that's okay because he'd been tormenting this loser. Trump said he had a great time but he wasn't sure how to react. Trump said he hit his wife in the knee and said this is amazing that the President is talking about him. He said he went to the press and they were going nuts over it. He said the next day the press said that he was humiliated but he had a great time there. He said the press is very dishonest. He said the fact is that he had a great time there. He said Seth Meyers wasn't able to get the words out. He said he can't even remember what he said. He said he has a photographic memory but he likes to put some things out of his mind.
Howard asked if he dislikes Rosie or Seth more. Trump said he doesn't dislike either of them. He said he may not respect them though.
Trump told Howard about why Rosie O'Donnell went off on him for giving a girl a second chance in the Miss USA pageant. He said that Rosie told a friend that one of the biggest mistakes she's ever made was going after Donald Trump. He said she's a low life and everyone knows that. He said that she's a bad person. He said he doesn't really know Seth but he doesn't think he belongs in that job. Robin asked who he doesn't like. Trump wasn't answering.
Trump said that his Miss USA pageant is great. Howard said that it seems to have hotter girls than the Miss America pageant does. Trump said it's about the most beautiful women in the world with the Miss Universe pageant. He said he upped that whole thing when he bought it 14 years ago. He said that they have some very beautiful women in South America and they're upping the quality. Trump said he had a Miss Russia on Howard's show years ago and her name was Federova. Howard said that they fawn all over Hollywood starlets but Trump pointed out that the most beautiful women are the Miss Universe women. He said they're even more beautiful.
Trump told Howard that he had Diana Mendoza on The Apprentice and she was beautiful. He said after he fired her he lost a whole segment of men who were watching the show. He said that's how beautiful she was.
Howard asked Trump if he's glad he's living a calmer life now. Trump said it's great. Howard asked how many more years his wife has with him. Trump said it's unlimited. He said that she's a great mom and a great wife.
Trump told Howard that he deals with the Miss Universe people and all of that. He said beauty isn't everything. Howard asked who is more beautiful, Katy Perry or Rihanna. Trump said he would say Katy Perry. He said that if they're asking him then he's going with her. Howard asked about Beyonce or Kate Upton. Trump said that Rihanna is another one who backed out of a charity event. He said that she was going to do this event and she said she had a bad throat and then the next day she was at an event singing. He said there was no problem with her throat.
Howard asked about Beyonce or Kate Upton. Trump said he doesn't want to get into that because he likes Jay Z. He said that he's sure that Kate is beautiful but he saw her one night and she didn't have a good night that night. Howard asked if that's because she's too chubby to be a super model. Trump said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked if he likes Scarlett Johansson or Jennifer Lawrence. Trump said that Jennifer has a little bit of a skin problem. He said he thinks that he'd go with Scarlett.
Howard asked about Kim Kardashian or Jennifer Lopez. Trump said that Kim was on The Apprentice. He said he's not going to bash anyone. Howard said her ass is too big. Trump did agree with him on that. He said Jennifer does too. Howard asked if he had to have sex with one, who would it be? Trump said they're very nice to him so he's not going to get negative. He said he'd pass on both.
Trump said he has millions of people following him on Twitter and they get people asking him to do Howard's show all the time. He said they have two of his all time top 5 shows and that's a great honor. He said he has gotten great awards and that's one of his top. Howard said Trump talks like a regular guy. He said that's what people like. He said they like the honesty even if they don't agree with it.
Howard said that Trump has the ability to pick great things out. He asked who he would most want to have as a girlfriend. Trump said he doesn't think about that. He said he has a great wife. Howard said he has to think about that. He said he's a man. Trump said the most beautiful women are not the famous women. He said they're not even close to being the most beautiful. He gave Kim Kardashian as an example. He said he didn't even want to get into that. Howard asked if he was shocked that Kanye married her. Trump said whatever makes you happy. He said that Kanye has been very nice to him too so he's not going to bash him.
Howard asked if he hates Bill Maher or Jon Stewart more. He said he knows he was feuding with them. Trump talked about how he and Bill were just messing around. He said he didn't actually sue him like Howard thought. Trump said he wasn't able to do his show like he wanted him to. He said he's a very busy person. He said even doing Howard's show is tough. He said he likes doing them but they're hard to do. Trump said Maher started hitting him because he wasn't able to do the show. Howard asked about Jon Stewart. Trump said he's not that upset with him either. He said the guy just makes fun of his hair. He said that's his real hair and Howard understands that. Howard said he has had him tested.
Howard asked Trump who he thinks will run for president. He asked if it would be Chris Christie. Trump said things are very tough for him right now. He said the other side is using that against him. He said beating Hillary is not going to be easy. He said the republicans are going to crush in November. He said they'll take over the senate. He said that everyone dislikes Obama. Robin asked what's up with the two term presidents that we don't like. Obama said that the best people don't want to go through the abuse. Howard said that's because they get the shit beaten out of them. Trump said we end up getting incompetent people to run the country.
Howard asked if Trump is going to buy the Buffalo Bills. Trump said if he can get a good deal on them then maybe he will. Howard brought up Donald Sterling turning down the 2 billion for the Clippers. Howard said he must be out of his mind to turn that down. Trump said at some point he has to just take a deal and get out.
Trump said that he's not Sterling fan but people are acting like they've never said anything bad. Robin said that's what Sterling is saying about the people in the NBA. She said he's calling them hypocrites.
Howard said that he wasn't able to get him through the brackets today. Trump said nothing good comes from those brackets. He said that he tried to talk about other things so he didn't have to answer those questions. Trump said he was on the show once and Howard was holding up pictures of Supermodels asking him how great they were. He said they don't have many of them these days. Howard said that they were almost in the finals with Katy Perry and Scarlett Johansson. Trump said they were close. He said they're both fine.
Howard said he thinks that he is really for gay marriage but he can't come out and say he is. Trump said he doesn't want to get into that hot subject. Trump said he doesn't want to talk about that right now. Howard asked when he's going to talk about it. Trump said any time he wants to.
Howard said that Trump just bought that golf course in Scotland. Robin asked if he plays golf. Trump said he does. He said he thinks he's pretty good too. Howard said he's going to have to play him. He said he played 4 holes in 4 hours the other day. He said he's holding records of his own. Howard thanked Trump for calling in and let him go a short time later. Howard said now they know everything. He said Trump has said it all.
Howard said he did say that Kim Kardashian's ass is too big. He also said that J-Lo's ass is too big. Gary said he thinks that the big news will be about Jennifer Lawrence having a skin problem. Howard said he never noticed that. Robin said he should get his glasses fixed. Howard said she looked good to him on some show she was on recently. Howard said he doesn't spot that stuff. Robin said she thinks it's a well known thing.
Howard said that Trump was looking him over when he was at Maralago. He said he thinks that he has to check everything out. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that his wife is such a doll that she took the time to write a note to her daughter for making a small donation to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard said she went to the doctor yesterday and she fractured her foot. Howard said she fought him on going to the hospital. He said if you want to get a chance to visit the studio and donate some money to the North Shore Animal League they have an auction going on now. He said it goes through June 18th. Howard let the caller go a short time later.
Howard said that they send thank you notes for things like that. He said that it's a very nice thing to do. Howard said he made JD send a note to the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia people and the first thing he wrote was unintelligible. Howard said he had him write it out nicely after that. Robin asked if he has his own stationary. JD got on microphone and said he does have some. Howard said he's a class guy.
Howard said he has a lot of things to do. He said he wants to talk to some people though. Howard took a call from a woman, Tara, who said on Howard 101 they played a past show where Hanzi was snoring and they piggy backed that with Gary not being able to type. She wondered if Gary has learned to type yet. Howard said Gary doesn't take his suggestions.
Howard said that some people wrote in about Hanzi's 23 breaths a minute thing and they were saying that he may have a medical condition. He may have COPD according to one emailer. There were some other suggestions on what his problems could be. Howard had a few other emails about the snoring and some people were annoyed by it.
Howard said he got an early cut of America's Got Talent. He said this is a good one. Robin said she wants an early cut of it too. Howard said she doesn't work for the show. Howard said the first girl on the show who sings you should check out. He said that's all he's saying. Robin said she should see the show early. Robin asked them to do her a favor so she can participate in the conversation.
Howard read an email from someone who said that he's sick of Howard supporting Woody Allen. Howard said he's not sure how he thought that he was supporting him. He just asked Jason Biggs about working with the guy. Robin said they only say they would work with him but they don't support him.
Howard said someone wrote in about Yucko the Clown using his finger on Benjy. Howard said Joey Boots also wants in on that. Howard said this person wrote about Yucko and how they hope it becomes a regular clown thing to finger Benjy.
Howard read an email from someone who said that Russia cut off Ukraine's gas because they didn't pay their bill. Howard said the guy said you know it's bad when a country has the same problems as Jeff the Drunk's trailer.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was calling in about Howard's scarf that he wore on AGT last week. Howard had an American Flag scarf and the caller thought it looked like Steven Tyler's. Howard said those guys look good. He said they're wealthy men and they eat well and take care of themselves. Howard said they hold it together. Howard said that when you're in the public eye you do what you can to look youthful. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked what's up with the guy goofing on his home. Howard said he was comparing Ukraine to his trailer. Jeff said he's never had his gas turned off. Robin said she doesn't believe it. Jeff said he's on the easy payment plan.
Howard thanked Jeff for the call. Jeff said that he's interested in the sex doll. He said he has an extra room. Fred laughed. Howard said he'd feel bad sending it to Jeff's house. He said he feels that Jeff would tie her up and do something weird to her. Howard said he'll give it to Jeff if Hanzi doesn't want her.
Howard said this is amazing. He said Matt Jacobs entered their impressions contest a while back and he did a High Pitch Eric impression. He said he called in with a Ron Johnson impression and it's amazing. Howard played a clip of him talking about coming in to finger Benjy and he was doing the belch spot on. Howard said that's a good impression. Howard said he'd bet that Fred can't even do the impression. Fred played some of the real Ron Johnson and it sounded just like Matt's impression.
Howard asked Benjy how the weight loss is going. He turned to see Benjy eating something as he asked the question. Howard said he just turned his head and saw him eating again. Fred said he feels bad for him because he thinks he made a really bad deal. Howard said Benjy does not stop eating. He said he has an oral fixation.
Benjy said yesterday was a bad day. He said he was tired yesterday. He said he eats when he's tired. Benjy said his girlfriend got him some vegan stuff and she doesn't know that vegan cookies are still high in calories. He said she'll tell him to go ahead and have a brownie and things like that. He said he eats it all. Howard said he's going to get his asshole fingered.
Howard asked if he's losing weight. Benjy said he is. Robin asked what's going on with the scale thing. She said that there is some controversy over it. Benjy said the scale in the studio is inconsistent. Howard said it is not. He said he gets bored with this conversation. He said they'll put him on another scale that he's happy with.
Gary said they're bringing in some people who want to do the fingering. He said one guy said he wanted it to be pleasurable for Benjy. He wants him to cum. Benjy said he likes that guy. He said it's interesting that they think they can do it.
Howard said Benjy's girlfriend, Elisa, went to a gay bar and asked what kind of suggestions they have for Benjy for his first fingering. She had a bunch of guys talking about what they would suggest. They suggested poppers and a bunch of other things that he can try to have a pleasurable experience.
Howard said the songs are coming in about Benjy's fingering too. He played a couple of those. He had some from Eli Braden. Howard said Eli is sending in quite a few.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Rachel Butera is on AGT tonight. She said she hopes she makes it big time. Mariann lost her train of thought and just said ''Oh my god..'' so Howard hung up on her and went to break.
Howard said Wolfie went to a tailgating party at a Dave Matthews concert. Howard said it got kind of racist too. Howard said he's not sure what was going on there. Howard said he heard that most of the Dave Matthews band is black so he's not sure what they're doing there if they're racist.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a guy about where he pisses at the concert. The guy said he pees between a truck and a car and he pees on the door handle so the guy has to touch it. Howard wondered why anyone would go to a tailgating party if they had to deal with that.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking a guy if he felt guilty going to a concert when there are so many minorities living in poverty in Camden, New Jersey. The guy basically said fuck them because he's going out and working and making money to pay for tickets.
Howard said Wolfie told them that there was a strong smell of pee out there in the parking lot. Howard said he said the parking lot looked like a war zone. Robin said you'll get disgusted with people when you see what's left behind at a show like that.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to a guy about what he was drinking. He was drinking and said he was on ecstasy too. Howard said they call it Molly now. He said he's just learning that. Wolfie asked one guy what he had with him. The guy said he had Molly and he didn't even know it. He said that you take it on the walk over so it hits you when you're just getting in there.
Howard said Wolfie said people were having sex in the port-a-potties there. He said Wolfie also said that he saw a lot of high school kids there. Howard played some more clips and one guy talked about how he would finger girls who go crowd surfing.
Howard played another clip of some guys getting racist and talking about President Obama and also about how they like Dave Matthews because he's white. Howard said they must be shocked when they see the four black guys in the band.
Howard played another clip of some people ranting about black people and how much they hate them. Howard said Wolfie had a problem with the recorder and they had to boost the audio for the channel that the people were recorded on. Howard said that's why they were hearing an unusual noise in the clips.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about getting laid in a port-a-potty. He said it's weird but if you want ass you go through it. Howard said that's what's going on at the Dave Matthews concert.
Howard said he has some heavy racist shit. He said some black dude was in a parking lot and this woman was calling him the N-word. Howard said he heard the audio and had to go see the video. Howard said she claimed to be a stripper. Howard said she also claims her kids were leaning on his car and he started the car and scared her. Howard said this is what the internet is good for. He said you get to see people fighting like this. Howard said this guy gets his video recorder out and starts recording. He said the woman is real dumb but she's hot. He said it's really weird. Howard played the audio and the guy was talking about how this woman was calling him the N-word. The woman was saying that it's disgusting what he did to her kids. The woman said that he scared the shit out of her kids. She kept using the N-word even when she was being recorded. The woman told the guy that she strips for the cops and she's going to get them to beat the shit out of him. She told the guy that her lawyer was involved and her husband was on his way. The guy welcomed that.
Howard said a radio station picked up on the story and got the woman on the phone. He said this was a black station called WBLK. Howard played some of the audio from the show and the woman was saying that the guy almost hit her son with his car. She said that the guy called her a crack headed cracker. She also said that she's not racist because she has a black cousin. The woman said that the N-word means an ignorant person and it's not racist. Howard said dumb people make the best radio and TV.
Howard said he asked Jason Raff about the pictures because he's supposed to have approval. He said they just take pictures and post them. He said someone must have spoken to her about it because now she asks before taking them. He said she won't give up if he says no. Howard said she'll keep asking him to ''take picture'' with her. Howard said then some hideous picture ends up out there. He said that he drives them crazy on AGT with the camera angles.
Howard said he's having singer Sia in there but she doesn't ever want to be photographed or video taped. Howard said that he's fine with that. He said that she'll take a picture with him but you can only see the back of her head. Howard said that's a great idea. Howard said he should do that too.
Howard said that Toni cut his hair really short. He said that she made it too short to cover up his face. Howard said this must be his summer do. Howard said he's all face right now. He said he feels like a bald guy. Howard said he has to work on pulling it out. Howard said he was trying to pull it down and out but nothing was happening this morning. Howard said Beth told him the other day he looked really handsome. He said he was shocked. Robin told him not to be so shocked. Howard said she was looking at the back of him. Howard said he'd rather be a little less loved and more hot. Howard said he thinks that he'd still be pleasant to be around if he was hotter. He said John Stamos is a good guy. Robin said she has seen some very miserable good looking people. Howard said he can't figure that out. Howard said girls are different.
Howard asked Gary about Sia playing ''Diamonds in the Sky.'' Gary said she's coming in tomorrow. He said she said no pictures and no video. Howard said she'll freak out if they do that. Howard played her singing the song. She actually wrote the song. Howard said he likes her version even better than Rihanna's. Howard
Howard played the top 5 songs which included Jason Derulo, number 4 was DJ Snake, John Legend was at number 3 and at number 2 was Ariana Grande. Number 1 was Iggy Azalea.
Howard said he loves that diamonds in the sky. He said that it's remarkable that she'll even perform the song for them live. He said that she won't do that for just anyone. Howard said he saw her on a show doing the song and she was hiding while she did it. Howard said he wishes he had that idea. He said he thinks Sia is good looking. He said he thinks she's one of those people who gets real stage fright. Howard said his issue is looks.
Robin said last week on AGT it was funny when Mel B was charging her phone and unplugged the X power plug. Howard said that really pissed him off. He said she's very different than he is. Howard said he would never pull out a plug on a set like that. Howard said she doesn't give a fuck about anything though. Howard said he finally brought his phone down to the set since everyone else was having fun on their phones. He said he didn't end up using it anyway. He said it's very distracting. Howard said he's going to give his full attention to the show since they're paying him to do a job there. Howard said the rest of them are on their phones the whole time. Robin said Scientists have said that women think they can multitask but they say it's impossible.
Howard said that Heidi is always texting her boyfriend. He said she has to calm down with that shit. Howard said he told her that too. He said she kept texting even when he told her to lay off the guy a little bit. Howard said he knows what's going on there. Howard said he commented on the air about it but they cut it all out.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked if he hear A Whiter Shade of Pale. Howard said he downloaded that and a bunch of Joe Walsh stuff this weekend. He said he didn't like Willie's version of Whiter Shade of Pale. He said that he loves his stuff but not that particular song. He said he loved Good Night Irene with the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. He said he didn't think that song suited Willie. Jeff said he thought that he came out with the song first. Howard said Billy Joel sang that song at the Town Hall show and it was so great. Howard said Billy said he wishes that he wrote it because it was something he could see himself singing. Howard played some of Billy's version.
Howard said he listened over and over to Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground from Willie Nelson and it made him cry. He said it was really personal to him and his wife saw him crying over it. He said that he can't even say what it is that gets to him. He said it has to do with his kids and all of that.
Howard had Fred play some of that Angel song for him. Howard let that play for a little bit. Howard said he must be the only one who realizes how great this song really is. Howard started quoting some of the lyrics. Howard said that's real love in that song. Howard said that's perfection right there. Howard said this is heavy stuff. Robin said it's beautiful. Howard said Willie seems in no rush to get the song over. He said it's deliberately slow. Howard said it's almost Hawaiian. He said it's like when you see those big fat Buddha looking guys doing a song. He said it's like ''Really dude?'' He said it's actually beautiful. Howard said he likes the line ''I'd rather see you up than see you down.'' Howard let the song play all the way through.
Howard did a live commercial read after that. He spent a few minutes talking about the Squatty Potty and telling Robin in detail about how he uses that thing. They went to break after that.
Robin started off the news talking about a girl who claims that Frankie Valli wasn't such a great guy. She had an on and off relationship with him for years. Howard said that he never thought that much about Frankie Valli. Robin said this woman says she was underage when she started seeing Frankie. Howard said he's heard the story about a rock and roll guy fucking an underage girl. He said it doesn't make him feel better about it though. He said the whole thing is just disgusting. Robin said this woman claims that she dressed provocatively and tried to get his attention. Robin said that the girl claims her mother drove her to meet Frankie and even got her on birth control. Howard said the whole thing is sick.
Robin read a story about a producer at ABC who lost his job and they say it was for performance issues. Robin said they can't determine what sex he or she really is. Robin said the person flipped back and forth three times before getting fired. Robin said he showed up at work wearing a dress and telling people to call him Dawn. Howard wondered why that never happens there. He said it would be great if JD showed up for work and said he was a girl now. Robin said this guy says he has a hormone imbalance and he was more comfortable was a woman. Robin said a few weeks later his wife left him. Then he showed up for work as a man again 3 moths later. He claimed he had amnesia and blamed his wife for dressing him in a dress. Robin said he got fired after that. Howard said you can think that you don't care if he's a man or a woman but then you think if he does shitty work then he's going to say they didn't want to work with him because they can't tell if he's a man or a woman. Howard said you can't fire anyone over that anymore. He said maybe it was over performance issues. Howard said he would love it if JD turned into a woman. Robin said that would be kind of crazy. Howard mumbled that he was in love with Fred as if he were JD.
Howard said he had one experience like that where a guy changed sex. He said he worked with a guy closely for a few months and when they completed the work he got a letter saying he decided to become a woman. Robin asked if she knows this person. Howard said she doesn't. Howard said he never would have predicted that. Howard said the guy thought he didn't use his work because of that but that had nothing to do with it. He said he's all for that kind of thing. Howard said he's sure that there are people there that they work with who would like to do something like that.
Robin said she was reading about women who are CEOs and make a lot of money. Robin said they revealed that the highest paid woman used to be a man and it was the woman who created Sirius. Howard said that she's a brilliant woman. Howard said someone corrected him to make sure he says that she's a woman. Howard said he's not a dude anymore. Howard said he has to say she.
Robin read about how Bill DeBlasio had to make good on his bet against the mayor of Los Angeles. Robin said he was on Jimmy Kimmel singing ''I Love L.A.'' last night. Robin had a clip of that. Howard said he doesn't like that shtick. He said he's glad Jimmy had it but that kind of stuff isn't what he wants his mayor doing when the murder rate is up. Howard said he doesn't like nonsense. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about some kids who were burned in a parade when a cannon was fired. Robin had some audio of a person talking about the live cannon firing. Robin said last weekend a child opened his pouch of gun powder which sparked the explosion. Robin said they are going to vote on if the cannon firing will remain in the parade.
Howard took a call from a guy, Balls, who asked if he is upset he doesn't have a son to carry on his legacy in radio. Howard said no. He said it's really insane to want your kids to carry on your legacy. Howard said who cares if it's carried on or not. Robin asked why anyone would put that on your son. Howard said that or a daughter. He said he has no clue what it is to be a man and he's not sure he would be a good dad for a son. He said he's not good at anything but jacking off. He said that he sees guys who are so involved. Gary said it's more important to be with them and it's not about the sports. Howard said he's glad he didn't have a son. He said he was out with his daughter the other night and Ashley thought he might not like hanging with the girls. Howard said he doesn't mind it at all. He said that the Stern name shouldn't go on. He said he's glad it's going to end.
The caller asked if he thinks anyone can carry on his legacy. Howard said no because he's uniquely him. He said that there are a lot of guys who want to be like him but they can't be. Howard said JD is as close as he has to a son. He said that's his boy.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked Howard if he heard about Jon Hein being feared in the back office. Howard said he didn't hear that. Howard said that stuff goes on behind his back. Wheels told him to ask Gary. Gary said there are people who think they shouldn't cross him. Howard said he wouldn't want to cross him. Gary said that Shuli is going to come in and explain.
Shuli came in and said that JD will stop himself and not continue a story if it has to do with Jon Hein. Howard asked why that is. Shuli said that JD has a fear of Jon for some reason. He said that he gives him these stares from down the hall and JD will run into walls when he's trying to get away from that. Howard said Jon is pretty sensitive. He wouldn't even put on the blond wig last week. Howard said he had to hang up on Wheels because his phone connection is so bad.
JD came in and said that Jon wasn't too thrilled with him revealing that he doesn't like the elevator rides there because they make so many stops now. JD was laughing as he told the story. Howard said NBC has a bunch of space there now so they're making the elevators stop more. JD was afraid to talk about that. Shuli said JD doesn't like commenting on anything to do with Jon now. JD said they're friends so he doesn't like getting into that.
Shuli said Jon told JD he can say anything he wants but he has to know that some things have repercussions. Shuli was talking about Jon's mom jeans and how he doesn't care about getting in trouble with Jon because he has another kid on the way and he can't do any more damage than he's done to himself.
Howard said he heard Ira the Weather Man being interviewed with Shuli. He said that guy is pretty funny. Shuli said he really is. They spent a minute talking about how Jay Thomas ended up with him on the show. Then Howard did another live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Tracy Morgan who has been upgraded from critical to fair condition. Howard said they're all rooting for him to make a full recovery. Howard said this is very good news. Robin said that they say that his personality is starting to come back. Howard said they don't want to lose that personality. Robin said that would be too much of a loss.
Howard said he has had such anxiety lately about not seeing super hero movies that have been out lately. He said he hasn't seen them in the theaters and he fears he's losing track of what he hasn't seen. Howard said he's not sure how to figure out what to do. Robin said he can go on the internet and see what has come out. Howard asked how he knows what he has seen. Robin told him to search by year. Howard said he hasn't seen the new X-Men or the new Spider-Man movies. Howard said he may have missed an Iron Man. Robin said she doesn't think he did. Howard said he thinks he did. Howard said this is his anxiety. Howard said he missed the Captain America movie too. Howard said he doesn't know what he missed. Robin asked what he remembers seeing last. Howard said he thinks it was Iron Man. He said it was the one with that maniac in it. Mickey Rourke. He said he thinks he saw Thor 2. Robin said she doesn't think he did. Howard said he did. He said he remembers Loki being in prison. Howard said that movie was shit. He said they fucked that one up.
Robin read about the Aquaman movie that's being made. Robin said the guy they picked is the guy who the Khaleesi was married to in Game of Thrones. Howard said he thinks he'll be good. Howard said he can see that working. Robin said Superman will be played by Henry Cavill and Batman will be Ben Affleck. Howard said he thinks he'll be good in that. Robin said that Jesse Eisenberg will be Lex Luthor. Jeremy Irons will be Alfred and a bunch of other people will reprise their roles from the last Superman movie. Howard said Amy Adams was hot in American Hustle but she didn't look that good in Superman.
Robin read about how Paul Simon and Edie Brickell are due in court over a spat they had at their home in Connecticut. Howard said that's a lose-lose situation there. Robin said they have to be in court today. Howard said Robin love fights so who does she think would win, Paul Simon or Edie Brickell. Robin said she's going with Edie. Howard said that's why he's saying it's a lose-lose situation. Howard said he might have to go with her too.
Robin read a story about the US soccer team winning over Ghana. Howard said he thought it was all over. Robin said this goes on for quite some time. Robin said that each team plays like 3 games or something. Howard said he was hoping it was all over. Robin said it goes on and on and on.
Robin read about Tony Gwynn passing away. Howard said he doesn't even know who that is. He said he's not even a man. Robin had some clips of people commenting on Gwynn's death. Robin said he died of cancer. He was 56 years old. Robin said he had oral cancer and they're focusing on smokeless tobacco now because of that. Howard said that's some bad shit. Howard said tobacco is some nasty shit. He said even if you chew on it the stuff causes cancer. Robin said they say doctors are shocked at how many people don't know the risks. Robin had a clip of a doctor talking about that. Howard said if you really want to turn off a woman then just start chewing tobacco. Robin said she's never understood the appeal. Howard said that Casey Kasem died from Louie Body disease. Howard said he has no idea what that is. Howard said he thought it was Alzheimer's. Robin said it must be different. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the debate about making medical marijuana legal there in New York. Robin said that Governor Cuomo doesn't want anything but edible stuff made legal. Howard wondered who he's listening to. Howard said he likes it being legal. He said that the same people are using it but now they're doing it legally. He said it's a win-win.
Robin read a story about how they want to make some illegal immigrants legal if they pay their taxes. Robin said they're trying to pass a bill on that.
Robin said there were some tornados in Nebraska and they say that they were devastating. Robin said one farmer said that 300 of his cows were killed. Robin had some audio of him talking about how he can't farm this year because of how much he lost. Robin read about how many were killed out there. Robin had some audio of a storm chaser who said these are the worst he's seen in all the years he's been chasing storms.
Robin read about the owner of Starbucks offering a free education to his employees. Robin said this is for Arizona university's online courses. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said it sounds good until you hear that it's an online university. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about why he's offering the free education.
Robin read about Dr. Oz backing a weight loss program that's going to be questioned on Capitol Hill today. Robin had some audio of someone talking about why they want to talk to him about backing something that they're saying is a miracle when it has no scientific backing.
Robin read about a beauty queen who ended up moving to another state to get into the pageant easier. Robin said this is apparently a common thing for them to do.
Robin said that Drake was at a Wiz Khalifa show and smoked pot on stage or something. Robin said he had never done it before. Howard said he just never did it on stage before. Robin said they had video of the two of them sparking up on stage.
Robin had some audio of Samuel L. Jackson reciting his lines from Pulp Fiction just recently on the Graham Norton show. Robin said he apparently never forgot his lines.
Robin read about a documentary being made about Genesis and they're going to have everyone who has been in the band in the movie. Robin said they'll all be reunited for the first time since 1975.
Robin had a clip of a doctor talking about how you can miss very important spots when you wear sunscreen. Robin said ears and eyelids are forgotten among other parts like lips and the top of your feet.
Robin read about how Jeff Lynn is returning to ELO and he'll be performing this summer at a concert series in London.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he donates to Bianca's Furry Friends and it goes to North Shore, will it go to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard said if you mark it as that then it goes to Bianca's Furry Friends. The caller also said he has a blind dog and he needs surgery for it. He said he's trying to raise money for the dog. He said it's on GoFundMe.com. Howard cut him off before he could finish the plug for the fund raising site. They ended the show after that. They were done around 10:25am.
Jon said he wanted to start off talking about the sex change operation thing. Jon said that Howard thinks that someone is hiding it there at work. Jon said that he thinks he might be right. Jason said they're all hiding something there. Gary said they had a board op who was into Dungeons and Dragons and when they brought it up on the air the guy was in complete denial. He said he never came clean on the air.
Jon asked JD if he thinks that they are all hiding something there. JD said you have to hide some things if you want to have a private life. Jon said you want to keep some things to yourself so how does JD handle that. JD said it's an ongoing process. He said it depends on who he's talking to.
Jason asked JD what the worst secret is that got out. JD said it had to do with the web cam stuff. He said anything to do with that is bad. Jason brought up a few things that had to do with that. JD told him to shut the fuck up. Gary said that's JD's Achilles heel. He said he can see his whole body language change when that comes up. He said he knows what that's like because his tape came out.
Jason asked JD how that whole web cam thing got out. JD said that he was doing the revelations thing and he wanted to be entertaining. He said he didn't want to let the audience down. He said he's sure Howard asked what crazy things he's done and he said that. He said as soon as he walked out of the studio he knew it was bad. He asked himself what he had just done.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been to a hundred Dave Matthews concerts and he tailgates but Wolfie got it right with those interviews. He said he is a huge Dave Matthews fan but the people there take it to a level. Gary said that he's saying that tailgating for anything in Camden is bad. The caller said that's what he's saying. Jason said that's like a demilitarized zone down there. Gary asked what's wrong with Camden. The caller said it can get aggressive there. Jason said that Camden is one of those places you warn your kids about not accidentally going to.
The caller asked if they've ever tried to get Dave on the show. Gary said he thinks they have tried but Howard may not be interested. Gary and Jon told the caller her just won $500 cash and an Xbox One. The caller said that was unreal. He thanked them for that.
Gary said that they should talk about tailgating. He said if you're going to a 1 o'clock game you have to leave around 9 to get there. He said for an hour and a half or so you cook and eat. Jon said he thinks that's part of the whole experience. He said if you go to a Michigan game there are 100,000 people there and they're all tailgating. Jason said that it's the greatest thing in the world.
Jon asked JD if he has ever done it. JD said he has never been involved in a tailgating thing. Gary said he has a guy who has an RV that he brings to the Jets games. He said he had a friend who won something in a charity and they had this giant thing show up with top shelf liquor and all kinds of food in it. Gary said it's a party out there.
Jon said that Gary is very social but JD isn't. Jason said that no one wants to see a concert sober. He said you can go inside and get drunk for $9 a beer or stay outside and do it cheaper. Gary said that you can go with someone who isn't going to get hammered and let them drive home. Gary said that they went to a Jet game once and they almost got the shit beat out of them. Gary said one guy threatened to beat the shit out of him.
Jon said that all of these stories get back to Will Murray at some point. Jason said there are a lot of stories that he should ask Will about.
Gary said there is a video on YouTube for the video of people running across the top of the port-a-potties while people are throwing things at them. Jason said the best thing is that no one ever makes it. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said that he thinks with Jon most people are willing to argue. He said if you argue with Jon then he'll give you the silent treatment. Jon said he doesn't want to dignify some things with a response. He said that Jason is an expert at needling him. Gary said he has a ''don't fuck with me'' stare too. He said that he gets off easy with Howard too. Jon said that he won't run in right away like some people do. He said that some do that and they get right into it.
Jon said the guy to his right has the ultimate stare. He was talking about Ronnie. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. Jon said that he means business with his stare. Ronnie said Jon does too. Ronnie said that his stare scares JD.
Jon asked Ronnie why he's scared of him. Ronnie said he's not physically scared by him. He said he's scared by his stare so he won't say anything about him. Jason said he thinks that he values his friendship and he doesn't want to lose that. Jon said he could be right about that.
Gary said when Jackie was there they had a line they wouldn't cross with each other. He said once they crossed the line it was hard to go back. He said if you're going to throw each other under the bus it's just going to keep going.
Jon asked Jason to talk about the elevator thing he brought up earlier. Jason said that NBC is in the building now and they use the elevator a lot. Jason said you're on the elevator for an hour and a half before you get down there. Gary said when they moved there the other floors were empty so they can't really blame them. He said that they moved in and now they're slowing the elevators. Jon said it's the way they go about getting on and off the elevator. He said they'll stop it for no reason. Ronnie said they'll hold the door open and have a conversation with someone on a floor and eventually let the door close.
Jon said he isn't the only one who is upset. He said there are people who are even more upset about it. Gary said before they were in the building there was more to this elevator club thing. Gary said he got on the elevator with Jon and JD one day. He said that he went to push the button and they told him not to. Gary was going to tell everyone about what they do but Jon made him stop because it was their secret.
Ronnie said he just taught Allie the intern the secret about the elevator. Gary said he'd like to know that too.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thinks JD thinks of Jon as a father figure and that's why he won't bad mouth him. Jon said maybe it's an older brother kind of thing. He said he thinks that Howard is more of a father figure. Gary said he thinks that JD is afraid of losing his friendship. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he hasn't seen Jerry in a while and he saw him today and he thought he looks really good. Jerry said he's at 150 pounds now. He said he has to take a physical before he does movies and one doctor sat him down and told him that he wasn't in danger yet but when he gets older it might get tougher. He said the next day he stopped smoking and started working out. Gary said that's what they tell everyone there but no one does anything about it.
Jerry said he quit a bunch of times and went on eating binges. He said as long as you get back to it then you're fine.
Jon told Jerry about the Benjy fingering thing and how he's going to get that if he doesn't lose a certain amount of weight. Gary said it was Benjy's idea too. Gary told him that Benjy wanted to do it as a rape but they got him to just take the finger instead. jerry asked how he's doing so far. Benjy has lost about 10 so far and he has about 4 weeks left to lose 27 pounds. Gary said he thinks he can do it but he's a big procrastinator. Jerry said this is like one of those games you can wait to watch in the fourth quarter.
Gary asked Jerry if he sees the guys from Entourage much. Jerry said they're all still friends. He said Kevin lives about half a mile away from him. Gary said he's a huge Stern fan too. Jerry said that Kevin really is a huge fan. He said they are all friends and they stay in touch. He said he doesn't see Adrian much because he lives in New York.
Jon asked about the movie and what's going on with that. Jerry said that they just finished last week. He said he can't believe they got to make it. He said the movie turned out well and he thinks people will be happy about it. Gary asked if they brought up his weight in the movie. Jerry said they did a little bit.
Gary asked what he would have done if they made him put on 50 pounds. Jerry said he would have made them pay per pound.
Ronnie said he wanted to tell him how much he loved the show. He said he loved his schemes and stuff he got into the show. Gary said that Avion is a big sponsor on the show now. That started out on Entourage. Gary said they thought it was made up but it was a real thing. Jerry said he didn't know it was real until it was real.
Jon asked Ronnie why he liked Turtle so much on the show. Ronnie said he reminded him of himself. He said that he just loved the show. He said he was so into the show. He said he never missed an episode. Jerry thanked him for that. He said it's cool that he related to his character. He said usually it's not his.
Gary said he loves Johnny Drama on the show. Jerry said they have a fake IMDB page for Johnny Drama and it's great. He said they brought everyone back from the show to the movie.
Jon asked Jerry about when everyone wanted a cameo on the show. Jerry said in the beginning they couldn't get anyone on the show. He said Mark Wahlberg was calling everyone to get them on the show. He said James Cameron was an interesting cameo for them. He said he legitimized the fake world they created. He said that they had James Cameron pretending to direct Aquaman. He said then they had all kinds of stars doing the show. He said they had Sydney Pollack and Kanye West on the same day. Gary asked who his favorite was. Jerry said he has to pick Bob Saget. Gary said he thinks that Bob Saget is really the guy he played on the show. Jerry said he's not far off.
Jon asked Jerry about his new movie Think Like A Man 2. Jerry said it's insane they got a sequel. He said they had just wrapped the show the week after they wrapped Entourage. He said that he had a good front row seat to see Kevin Hart shoot up to stardom like he did. He said there must be a guardian angel out there looking out for him.
Gary asked Jerry what he did before he was on Entourage. He said he was on a bunch of TV shows. He said he was just grinding it out. He said he would go do King of Queens and live off of that for a while and then go beg for his job back at a restaurant.
Jon asked Ronnie what it was that Turtle reminded him of himself. Ronnie said it was a bunch of things and he wasn't able to name just one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loved the show and he had a question. He asked if he was a big pot head in real life. Jerry said he won't say he wasn't once but he's not now. He said he kind of toned all of that down. He said he knows that people are bummed by that. He said that people still bring him pot and he won't smoke it because it might be laced with something.
Jon said he must be called Turtle a lot. He said that's not the worst thing in the world though. Jerry said that he can't get mad if someone wants to play out that fantasy. He said it can get annoying but he's not afraid of typecasting. He said there are so many things you can do to break out of those things. He said you just do something else.
Gary said he thinks about typecasting and thinks about Stuttering John talking to Fred Gwynn as if he were still Herman Munster.
Jon said that Jon Leiberman is there now. Gary said next week they have another rap battle coming up. Leiberman said he was just informed about that too. Jon had Leiberman run down his headlines for today's Howard 100 News. Leiberman had a few headlines for today's news. Leiberman got in a plug for Leiberman Live which is on at 4:45 today. one of the debates they'll have is about the Washington Redskins name and if they should change it.
Jon spent a minute talking to Jerry about sports and then said they had to end the show. They got in some plugs for ''Think Like a Man 2'' and some other things and then ended the show. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how everyone on Twitter thought he'd be in a bad mood this morning. He said he was up live tweeting AGT last night. He said everyone thought he was going to be in a bad mood. He said that this season is really good. He said he didn't know what the Sunday night special edition was all about. He said he doesn't know what's going on over there. He said they don't consult with him on that but he likes that. He said he just does the show and he's done.
Robin said she wanted to ask about last week when they didn't show Howard's vote. Howard said that probably means that he voted no.
Jon Hein came in and told Howard that Sunday night they're doing a new show and Howie Mandel will be live with a couple of things. He said that's going to be going on Sunday night on NBC. Howard said great. He thanked Jon for that. He said Jon knows everything about TV. Howard said once you look at him you know he's going to know. Fred said you can tell he knows TV. Howard said he should have been a TV network executive. Robin said he's become an expert watcher.
Howard said Jon was talking about how much he hates the elevators there in the building. He said not enough to take the stairs but he hates them. Howard said NBC is in the building now and they're slowing down the elevators.
Howard said he was watching Benjy on TMZ last night. He said Wanda Sykes was outside of a building and Benjy went over and stuck out a piece of paper and gave it to Wanda. He gave her his own autograph. Someone told her it was Benjy from the Howard Stern show and Wanda told him to lose some weight or he was going to get a finger in his bung hole. Howard played the audio from the TMZ video. You can hear Wanda telling him to lose those pounds or he'll get a finger in his ass. Howard said he's getting very famous for being someone who is about to get fingered. The TMZ guy asked Benjy if he was going to use lube. Benjy said lube is for gays. He said straight guys do it without lube.
Howard said that Benjy asked another woman if she wanted his autograph and she was disgusted with him. Benjy said that Adam Glyn used to be an intern there on the show and he was the one who interviewed him. He said he does stuff all over New York.
Robin said she saw that a bunch of people were outside Sirius and he was talking to them. Benjy said it was a bunch of young girls and he asked about that. He said they didn't recognize him so he didn't bother them.
Will Murray came in and said that he spoke to her for 20 minutes yesterday and it's really hard to figure out what the problem is. He said she thinks that the picture that Beth posted of herself in the hospital is actually a picture of her. He said she's all angry about that and some other stuff. Howard said he'll have to take it up with her later.
Howard said Sia is also going to come by and sing the song she wrote for Rihanna and talk about some of the other songs she wrote. Howard said she's had hit after hit with songs she's written for other people. He said she has such a phobia and some crazy stories. He said he saw her on Seth Meyers show and she was laying face down on a bed while she was performing. He said that Lena Dunham was lip syncing while she laid on the bed.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who asked to speak to Benjy. He said that he's fucking around with the finger thing. He said he has big fucking fingers and he won't even give him poppers. Howard said they have a lot of guys who want to finger Benjy. He said Ramone isn't high on the list. Howard said they have Big Foot, Joey Boots, Yucko the Clown and Gogo Harder who want to get in there.
Howard said Eric the Actor is on the phone. He said he tried to give him a love doll yesterday. He said Penthouse sent it over. Howard said Eric tried to get it after he turned it down and Eric called him a fuck over that. Eric was on the line and said he actually said ''fuck you.''
Eric said he's not in the mood for games today. He said he got bad news about a friend. Howard said he called the wrong show then. Howard said the only thing he knows is that this is the stupidest show and that's what happens.
Eric said he has some questions about AGT. Howard asked what happened to his friend. Eric said he's near death. He said he has Spinal Bifida and he has an infection and it's so bad he's probably just got a couple of weeks left to live. Howard said he'll try not to do anything stupid.
Eric said they have a ringer on the show. He said that Emily West has had a career in country singing before. Howard said that they're aware of that. Howard said anyone can enter the show. He said that the Beatles could enter if they wanted. Robin said the rules say she can enter. Howard said Eric has acted but he could compete in the show. Howard said he's never heard of Emily West and he doubts anyone was aware of her country career. Howard said many people on these type of shows have had recording contracts. Howard said they had a guy last year who had a couple of contracts. He said he brought his wife on with him. He said he thinks his name was Marty. Howard said the guy tried out for the show.
Howard asked what else he wanted to know. Eric said he wanted to know why they're doing the show in the format where they jump from city to city instead of focusing on one. Howard said they're doing that to show the talent instead of what city they're in. He said it makes for a better show. Howard said that was at his encouragement. He said he thinks the audience just wants to see the talent. He said the producers agree.
Howard let Eric go and took a call from a guy who asked how great Rachel Butera was last night on AGT. Howard said she was great. Howard said people were wondering why he can't vote on her on the show. Howard said he has a personal relationship with her from the show since she's been on and she has won contests. Howard said it was obvious why he can't vote. Howard said people just want to interact with him. He said there were a lot of nice people on Twitter though. He said they had a nice time.
Howard said he has to take a quick break. He said he'll get to the rest of the phone calls and other things after that. Howard said he has to play some AVN award clips. They went to break after that.
Howard said what they're doing on Friday night is playing a Soundgarden concert. Howard said when he listened to music as a kid they had WLIR where they recorded bands playing and then they'd play them back on a Friday or Saturday night and it was great radio. Howard said they had the King Biscuit Flower Hour too. He said they were talking around there about how they could bring those days back and that's how they got to this Soundgarden show.
Howard said what they did was do the whole Superunknown album as the concert. Howard said that it's the 20th anniversary of the album. He said its' hard to believe it's that old. Howard said they did the whole album and they recorded it to play on the air. Howard said they cut in a bunch of interviews with the band too. Howard said it will make for a great special. He said the album Superunknown (20th Anniversary Super Deluxe Edition) is available in stores now.
Howard had Chris Cornell on the phone and said that he can't wait for this. Chris said that the album tells a story so that's why they're doing the whole thing. Howard said he can't believe it was 20 years ago that the album came out. Chris said it is hard to believe.
Howard said it's great they're doing the whole album. He said it's a great album. Howard asked Chris about the song Half and how complicated that is to do live. Chris said that he was sitting in his bathroom rehearsing and he thinks that Rusty Cage is one of the hardest. He said there are some that are out of control rhythmically. He said that they're hard for him to sing too. Howard said that he thought about that and then he remembered that Clapton has said that he can't play Layla live and sing it. He said it's just so complicated.
Howard asked why he rehearses in the bathroom. He asked if it's the acoustics. Chris said that is the reason. Howard said this whole thing is exciting. He said that they think about that album and they had so many monster hits like ''Black Hole Sun''. He played some of the song and said that this song always moved him. Chris said that song kind of evolved as a live song. He said what helped him do that was going online and watching the covers of the song. He said a lot of people have covered it. He said that they've approached it in a lot of weird ways. He said that it's taken on its own live. Howard said the video for the song was really incredible too. He said Chris has even talked about how they didn't want to do that video but they did it and it turned out great. Chris said at the end of the day you're embarrassed by the videos you do. He said they tried to co-direct the videos and they just let that one happen. They chose a guy and that one worked out.
Howard said they were talking about the Billy Squire video yesterday and how bad that was. Howard said that video actually makes him laugh. He said he was in a bad mood and watched that to make himself happy.
Howard asked Chris if he's in Israel right now. Chris said he is. He said they're playing a show tonight. Chris said they're on tour in Europe with Black Sabbath and they hear this might be their last tour. He said that he's been a fan since he was about 13 years old. He said that they're playing before them and then watching them play so it's great. Howard said he sees that they're touring with Nine Inch Nails this summer. Chris said they're really into that too. He said they have a band called The Desperates opening up for them. He said they don't normally have anything to do with each other but he thinks the audience will love it.
Robin asked what time it is in Israel. Chris said it's 1:40pm. He said this is the first time he's spoken to Howard in the afternoon. Chris said they could do their show at a normal hour in a country like that.
Howard said that he won't travel to anyplace like that. Howard asked if he's nervous over there. Chris said they've been warned a lot about going to places like Cuba but they get there and when you're a rock band it's all about the fans. He said they're regular people and it's not about politics. He said that they're your fans and they love you. He said from the minute he got there he was treated like gold. He said when you're a band playing music you get treated very well. He said it's an art form and you're treated that way.
Howard said he figured if he got kidnapped by Hamas then the concert they're airing would be even more important.
Howard said he feels like they're bringing back a tradition of airing concerts like this. Howard said he wants to bring more live music to the channels like this. Howard said they were just talking about how the rock music is gone and it isn't like it was in the 90s.
Chris said he read about some polls they did and how the young people are into electronic dance music. He said that it's kind of the way disco took over in the 70s. He said maybe kids will rebel and rock will come back. Howard said that is the reason rock made a comeback when Disco was big. Howard said they got some great rock out of that.
Howard asked Chris how his phone connection is so good from Israel and he takes calls from guys in New Jersey and they sound like crap. He said it's amazing with the technology these days.
Howard gave Chris some plugs for the Superunknown (20th Anniversary Super Deluxe Edition) release and asked what's in that. Chris said that have a lot of embarrassing stuff in that. He said they have demos and things like that. He said that he remembers what the Beatles did when they released stuff like that. He said it made them seem human to him. Howard said they all look at the finished product and think that it's easy to come up with a song. Then you hear the work that goes into it and it reminds you that whatever you do in life there is a process. He said he's glad they did all of that. Howard gave Chris a plug for the web site SoundgardenWorld.com and let Chris go a short time later.
Robin said she was wondering why he was so awake out there. She said it's because it's the afternoon out there.
Howard said Shuli did an interview with Ed where he confessed his cable box talks to him occasionally. Robin said he also said that he has his own country and he's not American. Ed said wherever he goes is a country. Howard asked if he's still taking his meds. Ed said no. Howard said now they know where he is. Howard asked about the voices he's hearing. Ed said it comes out of his cable box. He said the voice gives out an 800 number and then he say ''Lets take a call...'' Howard said he has to get back on his medication. He said he has to stop the cable box from talking to him. He said that will lead to his downfall. Howard said he has to get back on the meds. Howard said Ed will end up talking to the cable box. Ed said he's not though. Howard said he believes he's hearing it but he's not.
Howard asked if he is still drinking. Ed said he's 8 days on the wagon today. He said he's been 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off.
Howard asked to talk to the cable box. Ed said it's not talking right now. Howard said he should consider some medication. Howard said that when people are bipolar they won't take their meds. He said that they don't realize that the cable box talking is because of not taking the meds. Ed told them what he was taking and Fred said that's an anti-psychotic drug. Howard said he has to call his doctor and get back on that stuff. Howard said he has to do that if he doesn't want the cable box talking to him.
Howard asked Ed if he asks the box why it talks to him. Ed said he doesn't. Howard said Ed hasn't even asked why he's bothering him. Ed said that it's weird when he starts to laugh at him. Howard said that is not a fun thing. He said he has to take his medication and it will help him. Ed's phone cut out for a second. Howard thought he was gone. Ed said he has another call coming in.
Howard told Ed to get back on his meds and let him go a short time later. Ed told Howard to put him on the list for Benjy's fingering.
Howard said that he's run across a lot of people like this in his time on the air. He said that the medication will help. He said he bets that Ed's cable box is talking to him right now. Howard said he has to take a break and then get to Tan Mom and Milf Mom. Howard asked if Tan Mom is under control. Gary said she's pretty docile right now but that could turn on a dime. They went to break after that.
Howard asked if Tan Mom needs to do this. She said she doesn't really. She said that she got rid of the woman who was ripping her off. She said that they are getting into this celebrity boxing match thing now. She said she has no idea what a Milf is. Howard said it's a Mother I'd Like to Fuck. Tan Mom thanked him for that.
Howard asked Tan Mom to stay focused. Howard said he knows she's going to get upset when Milf Mom comes in. Tan Mom said she'll be fine. She said that she's going down in the first spot in their boxing match. Howard asked if she's going to be okay today. Tan Mom said that she didn't know that Milf Mom was in there. Howard said that she's there to weigh in for the boxing match. Tan Mom didn't know that. She said this is not a good idea. She told Howard not to put her near her. Howard asked if she realizes that they have to do this. Tan Mom said she doesn't listen. Howard said the reason she's there is because Milf Mom is there. Howard said that's the way these fights go. Howard asked if she can control herself today. Tan Mom said ''Yeah, whatever.'' Howard told her to calm down.
Howard said this is what boxing is all about. He said she can't go berserk. Robin said she can talk shit but not throw punches. Tan Mom said this is tripping her out. Howard asked if she's been training for the fight. She said she has. She said she knows all of the punches and knows how to fight. Howard said she could die in the ring. Tan Mom asked how that would happen. Howard said she could get hit in the right way to kill her. Tan Mom said that's not the way it's going to go. Howard said he's just saying that this is what could happen.
Howard had the guys bring in Milf Mom (Angela Cottone). Howard asked if she's afraid of getting hurt by Tan Mom. She said she's really not. She said that thing isn't scary. Tan Mom started going off on her and they had to hold her back. Tan Mom told her to put some fucking clothes on ''you fucking whore.'' Milf Mom was talking shit to her and Tan Mom was taking it really personally. Howard said she can't win the fight if she takes it so personally. Tan Mom said that this woman is a nobody.
Howard said that they have to weigh them in. Howard asked what Milf Mom weighs. She said 115 pounds. Howard asked Tan Mom what she weighs. She was too worked up to answer. Howard asked what it is that sets her off. Milf Mom said that she's not and Tan Mom isn't. She called her leather face and that set Tan Mom off. They had to hold her back again. Tan Mom said that she's not going to pretend with this in the real fight. She said she's going down in the fight. Howard said he has to ask Tan Mom to leave if she can't control herself. Tan Mom said they have to get Milf Mom out of there and then she'll leave. Howard said they can't do that. Howard said he doesn't think they're going to get to weigh them.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she's fought anyone before. She said she's done it all her life. Milf Mom said she hasn't but she's been training with a real boxer. Howard said he has the feeling that Tan Mom is going to come at her very hard. Milf Mom said that she's ready. She said she can barely stand on her own right now. She said she's ready for her.
Howard said the fight is at Harrah's in Philadelphia. Howard said that the tickets are available at the door. He said you can watch it on demand at RFVideoNow.com. The two of them started yelling at each other again.
Howard asked Tan Mom how she picked this woman to fight. Tan Mom said it was her manager that picked her. She said that she's a moron and she should read a newspaper. Milf Mom was talking about how she brought her kid into a tanning booth and Tan Mom said that she doesn't know what she's talking about.
Milf Mom and Tan Mom started going at it again when Milf Mom insulted her again. Milf Mom was just laughing through the whole thing and Tan Mom sounded really pissed and wasn't having a good time with it. She was taking it all very seriously.
Howard said Tan Mm is the one who is more well known than Milf Mom. Howard said that Milf Mom is very pretty and she must admit that. Tan Mom said she is and she has said that. That's not going to stop her from going off on her though.
Howard said he hopes none of them die in the ring. He said he hopes they come out with a clean fight. Howard said he can't wait to see how it works out. Howard said that Tan Mom is going to be in training and won't drink. Tan Mom said she was smoking cigars yesterday. She said that this chick is going down in the first round. She told her not to bring up her daughter Anna again. She said that it's none of her business.
Howard said they have to save this all for the ring. Milf Mom said that she doesn't drink or smoke. She said that she isn't like Tan Mom.
Howard said he heard that Tan Mom only got 2 hours of sleep. She said she has a lot on her mind. Milf Mom said she got a couple of hours but they were really busy yesterday. Tan Mom said she will get sleep before the fight.
Howard heard that Milf Mom taught kick boxing in college. She demonstrated a punch for Howard. Howard asked to see Tan Mom throw a punch. She said they'll see that in the match. She said she's not going to show them now. Tan Mom said she's into Tae Bo. Howard asked if she was talking about Thai Chi or Tae Bo. She said it's Tae Bo.
Robin asked if the boxing glove tattoo she has is permanent. She said it is. She said she's killed people before and she wants everyone to know.
Howard asked Tan Mom about being offended at the Birthday Bash by Joan Rivers. Tan Mom said that she was rushing to go to the party and she took the wrong shoes. She said that she told the press what she did. She told a story about what went on and it didn't make a lot of sense.
Howard asked if they have anything to say finally before he ends this. Milf Mom said she's going to kick Tan Mom's ass. Tan Mom didn't have anything to say. She said ''no comment.''
Howard asked Tan Mom about what she was saying about pictures being posted online thinking they were her. Tan Mom said that she isn't going to beat up Beth over that. Howard said he hopes not. She wasn't making much sense talking about that either.
Howard said that Tan Mom has her work cut out for her with this Milf Mom. Howard said she has to be careful in there. Howard said she has to keep her guard up. Tan Mom said that there will be one moment where she goes down. Howard told her to keep her feet on the ground. Howard said they're not going to bother weighing them. The two of them were still arguing but not as aggressively as they were earlier. Howard said they were going to take Milf Mom out first so there is no fighting going on.
Tan Mom and Milf Mom had a few things to say to each other as they were leaving. Howard said they have to see what happens when they fight. Tan Mom said the only reason Milf Mom was standing there is because of her. She said that Howard should have been standing up for her. Howard asked why he has to do something. Howard said she's the one who wants to fight her. Howard said he's promoting the fight for her. Howard said he is doing something. He said she should say thank you. She said thank you to Howard.
Gary said they went into Sal and asked if he wanted to give her a good luck kiss. Sal said no and said he has moved on. Howard asked Sal to come in there. Tan Mom said he can't come in there. Sal came in and Tan Mom said he's so done. Sal said he's done with her. He said he likes Milf Mom now. Howard said ''Oh wow!'' Sal said she's hotter and he's betting on her. He said he's dumping her like the garbage she is. Tan Mom asked how much they're paying him to say that. She said she's never talking to him again.
Tan Mom said that Sal is in love with her. Sal said he's in love with Milf Mom now. He said no one paid him shit. He said that she's going to punch the tan right off of her. Howard said they must have paid him. He said Sal made out with her. Tan Mom said everyone gets paid off so she knows he was paid off.
Howard asked how much she's getting paid for the fight. She said she doesn't talk about money. Howard let that go and gave her another plug for the fight. Howard said that he can't believe this is at Harrah's.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told her not to drink before the fight. She said she went down on the red carpet at the birthday bash. She said she's going to be in her corner and give her pep talks. She said that she has to get her going for the fight to beat Milf Mom. Howard wished her luck and thanked her for coming in. Tan Mom said he has to make Sal say he's sorry. Howard said Sal is a married man and he can't be with her. She said she knows that. Sal came back in and said that he was sorry and he was just joking with her. He said to make up he's going to show her his cock. He told her to look at it ''you old tan hag.'' Sal ended up going down when he tripped on something in the studio. Sal said he tripped on her floppy tits. Howard said there's a fight going on between the two of them now. Sal said he was being raped. He told her to take it easy. He said he felt like he was being raped by a cadaver. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said Sal went down when he tripped on the headphones. Howard said it was funny that Sal dumped Tan Mom. He asked if his wife got on him about that. Gary said he told him he was just done with her. Howard said he bets that his wife said something to him. Howard said that there's something wrong with your husband if he's into Tan Mom more than you.
Howard asked if Sal would come in and talk about that. Howard said he has to get to some other things too. He said he has some Baba Booey mentions on TV. He said Sia is coming in too.
Howard asked Sal what really happened. Sal said things are going really good with his wife and that's what's happening. He said he didn't want to insult her. He said when Tan Mom was humping him he did get a little hard.
Howard said it is a little insulting when he wants Tan Mom over his own wife. Sal said he shouldn't be doing that. He said last time she grabbed his penis. Sal said his wife knew about that. He said that it's a good sign that they're getting along. He said his wife didn't know that she was coming in today. He said that all of the Twitter shit heads will tell her about it though.
Howard said that Sal has done some other things with Tan Mom. Sal said it was all for show business. He said she just sat on his lap. He said he walked into the hallway after dumping her and he felt horrible. He said he made her aware of it. He said she grappled him and pawed him a little bit and that's it.
Howard said it's sorry state of affairs with his marriage. Sal said it is bad when you're into Tan Mom. Howard said he thinks he's so in love with her because he's so sex starved. Howard asked if his wife has done anything to improve that. Sal said they are making love more often. He said things are great lately. Howard asked if he's still cumming into his pouch. Sal said he's not. He didn't want to say where he was finishing but then he quickly said on his wife's stomach and tits.
Sal said he's getting sex about once every two weeks which is actually good for him. Sal said that he loves Tan Mom but his wife is much more important. Howard said he's a much more mature Sal Governale. Howard said he came in there like a beaten man. He said there's nothing worse than when your wife is mad at you. He said he knows what that's like. He said his mother used to get mad at him and not talk to him for days.
Howard said today is another anniversary but he's not sure how many years it's been. He said it's the Baba Booey love tape anniversary. Gary said it's the 15th anniversary. Howard said Gary brought in this tape where he was trying to win back this woman and it was the single best moment on the show. Howard played some of the tape where Gary starts off with ''Hello, hello...'' He then goes on to beg his girlfriend to come back to him in a very embarrassing way.
Howard said he should have fired Gary after hearing that tape. He said that this was the most unmanly thing he ever heard. Howard said the tape shows such a lack of judgment. He said that Gary made it all about himself when he's trying to win her back. Howard said he turns to her and says he lost his lover and his best friend and she lost a lover but not a best friend. Howard played that part of the tape. Howard goofed on Gary for saying the number 9 as ''noine'' as he played more of the tape.
Howard said that this is such an embarrassment. Robin said he has done some things right in his life. Howard said he shows the judgment of Lindsay Lohan in this tape. Robin said she loves that he got a new video camera and it was the worst mistake of his life. Gary said he will admit that she's right on that.
Howard said he should have dedicated the whole show to his tape today. Howard said that he and Robin have matured so they would have a different view on it. Howard said that the only maturing going on there is between him and Robin. Howard did his impression of Gary in the tape and goofed on him for a little longer. Howard said they found out years later that the girlfriend and her new boyfriend watched the tape together. Gary said that isn't true. He said she told him they never watched it. Howard said that she told him that she did watch it.
Gary told Howard that Sia is there and she has to be out of there by 8:10. Howard said he has to take a break and then get her in there. They went to break and went out to the ''Booey Maguire'' song parody.
Howard came back and said he had Sia in the studio now. Howard said she's got a fascinating story. Howard said he's very anxious to speak to her. Sia said she had Greg Kersten with her too. She said he's a big Howard Stern Fan. She said he produces records but he came out to play piano today just for Howard.
Howard said he loved the song Diamonds in the Sky. He said when he found out she wrote it and then he saw her singing it at some school it was amazing. Sia said she wrote the song with some Norwegian people and they were being honored.
Howard said Sia has a great singing voice. He said he read her story and it's like wow. He said he gets it. She said it was all about money. She said she didn't want to be famous but she wanted to make her gift work in her favor. She said she didn't want to sell her ''serenity real estate.''
Howard said Sia was a musical prodigy. Howard asked if they knew she could sign and write music. Sia said she was an attention seeker. She said that she was tap dancing right out of the vagina. Howard said her parents split up when she was 10 years old. Howard asked if that was a trauma for her. She said lots of things were bummers and that was just one of them. Howard asked if her dad stuck around. She said she went off with him on school holidays. She said that it was a super weird relationship with him though.
Howard said she thought her dad was jealous of her. She said that her uncle actually told her that he was. She said that may be the case. Howard said her dad wanted to be a singer and song writer. Sia said she thinks her dad is proud of her but maybe he wished that for himself and maybe it was envy and not jealousy at all.
Howard said that her dad was a great guitarist and he put together an album and she offered to perform on it. He said no. Sia said they were in the car and he was talking about the album and she said she would sing harmonies on it. She said he turned around and said ''No. It's my album and you're not on it.'' She said there is some comedy to the whole story. Howard asked if it really is funny. Sia said that it is. She said growing up he had two very unique personalities and they were Phil and Stan. She said that Phil was kind and interesting and Stan was the one that was scary. She said it was like anguish for her.
Howard asked if she started to feel bad for herself. She said it wasn't about her. She said it was an energy in the room that was intimidating. She said it was that way for everyone in the room. Howard asked if maybe she was relieved when her parents divorced. She said maybe it was that way.
Sia said she has a good relationship with both of her parents now. She said that she is in recovery herself and she has to be that way. She said she didn't know who she was until about 3 years ago. Howard asked if Stan is still around. Sia said she thinks that he's fully integrated now.
Sia said she's on medication herself and she's bipolar. Howard asked if she thinks that this is from having a fucked up childhood. She said she doesn't think that's the case for her. She said she thinks she smoked too much pot as a kid and it fucked her up. She said she was smoking at 13. Howard said he's all for the legalization of all drugs. He said he can't smoke pot though. He said he's convinced that he suffers from OCD because of doing acid. He said he thinks that the drugs do things to the brain, even pot. Robin said it might retard the maturation process. Howard said maybe that's it.
Howard said Sia was doing drugs and maybe that was her self medicating. She said she was. She said she was looking for something to give her some sense of equilibrium. She said that she was received when she found out she was an alcoholic. She said that she thought she was relaxing drinking and popping pills. She said that's not what she was doing.
Howard asked if she became a song writer for other people because of the bipolar thing. She said she did that because she was getting famous and getting attention. She said she likes attention from her friends but not from fame. She said she doesn't need it from anyone who isn't in her friendship circle. She said that wasn't feeding her soul. She said she got sober and got diagnosed as bipolar and she needed a structured life after that.
Howard asked how old she was when she got her first record contract. She said she was 25 years old. Howard said that didn't take off. She said it didn't. Howard said she took off with her song from Six Feet Under. That song was ''Breathe Me.'' She said it was the song they played in the final episode of the final season of the show. Howard said that song took off and it was a hit. Howard said then she went out on tour and she hated touring. Sia said there were times she loved. She said the first two weeks were great. She said it's very lonely though. She said you travel with a family of wolverines and that's not lonely. She said when you leave that then it gets lonely. She said it was the traveling and the air conditioning that was weird. She said you become like a dry lizard.
Howard said it seems to be easier for male rock stars. He said they just fuck every chick they can. Howard said a woman doesn't want to do that. Howard said Sia was out doing her thing and she didn't feel comfortable in her own skin.
Howard said that Sia became a diva after that tour. Sia said that she asked for some things to take care of herself and she asked to fly in her dogs and things like that. She said that stuff was nobody's business if she wanted to do that. She said it didn't affect anyone but the band. She said they're the only ones who mattered.
Howard said a friend of Sia's told her to try writing songs for other people. Sia said she was the one who said that. She said that she was trying to exploit her gift without hurting herself.
Howard asked how she does that. Sia said she spoke to her manager and she said she wanted to write songs for pop stars. She said that this guy JD told her that he could do that for her. Howard said she got Rihanna to do a song. Howard said that's like an instant hit. Howard said she must have thought that she should have done the song herself. Sia said no. She said she's so productive that she doesn't need that. Howard said the song Diamonds is so great. He said she wrote the song in 17-22 minutes. She said it was another 20 minutes to record the vocal. She said she writes all of her songs in under an hour. She said she knew that one because she only had 20 minutes to write the song because she had a car coming to pick her up to take her to the airport.
Howard asked if she has the music in her head first. She said they play her tracks and she comes up with lyrics later. She said that she sees a melody and hopes it goes where she's hoping it goes.
Howard said they're going to play a track and this is her trying to figure out the lyrics to Diamonds. She said she does things in a certain way. She said she does the melody and then does the words to the melody. Howard said this is a clip of her doing that and coming up with Diamonds. Sia said the words just kind of fell out of her. She said they just popped out of her. In the clip she was just making up sounds and then all of a sudden the words just come out.
Howard asked if she's religious. She said that she does believe in a higher power and it's a dude and he's named Whatever Dude. Howard said the best songs are written so fast. He said that's such a weird thing.
Howard asked Greg about the writing process. Greg said he's never worked with someone who is in this constant state of mind to come up with songs. Howard said most artists will take a track and put their own spin on it. He said Rihanna took her song and kept it exactly the same. Sia said that a lot of them keep it the same now. She said Adam Levine is doing one that will go in a different way but for the most part the songs she can think of are done the same way she records them.
Howard asked if she's upset when someone changes the song. She said she doesn't always. She said that she will get upset if they change one note and she may ask them to change it back. She said that they don't have to change it back legally but they respect her enough to do it for her.
Howard asked about how fast Diamonds was a hit. She said she wrote another song which is Beyonce's hit ''Pretty Hurts.'' She said that Beyonce heard it and Rihanna's people hadn't paid for the track yet so Beyonce did and she took the song. Howard played some of that song ''Pretty Hurts.'' Sia said that Katy Perry passed on that one too. Sia said that Katy actually got upset about the song when it came out and asked why she didn't send it to her. She said that she told Katy that it was actually 2 years ago that she did send it to her. Sia said that Rihanna was kind of upset about it too but it was an oversight on her people's side because they didn't put a hold on the song.
Howard asked Sia to perform some of ''Diamonds.'' She went into the song with Alex playing piano for her. She performed the whole song and said it was something like that.
Howard asked if Rihanna gets upset when she hears her singing that. Howard said he thinks it might be like pulling back the curtain on the song. Howard said that she was the brains behind that song. Howard said it's a sad song. Sia said she doesn't even know. Howard asked if she knows what the song is about. Sia said it's great and she thinks that people would vibe out to it on Ecstasy. She said that's what goes through her mind.
Howard said that he sees this as being about her because she almost killed herself and now she's shining bright like a diamond herself. Sia said that was so nice. She said she was crying. Howard said that's good for ratings. She laughed. Sia thanked him for pulling her back there.
Howard said Sia wanted to kill herself so she called a drug dealer to give her two of everything. She said that was about 6 months before she hit rock bottoms. Sia said after that she was in really bad shape.
Howard said that song is very special and so is Sia. Howard told her to go ahead and cry. She asked if Howard has children. Howard said he does. She said he's a good dad. She was crying again. Howard said she should write them a note and let them know. Howard said this is like a little therapy session.
Howard asked Sia about going to therapy with Christina Aguilera. Sia said she loves the story but she doesn't remember doing it.
Howard said Sia has had lesbian relationships. She said she has had both and she thinks she's back on the cock now. Howard asked if the women are baffled when she goes with a guy. Sia said not really. She said that they knew that she was straight. She said she has dated two women in her life and they were both butch. She said that they were always attracted to straight women too. Howard asked if she stared with women. She said she started with men.
Sia said she had a relationship with a woman who she thought was a boy. She said that it turned out she was a girl. She just went with it. Robin asked if she misses penis when she's with a woman. Sia said not at all.
Howard asked about Amy Winehouse and why she didn't work with her. Sia said that she played on guitar for one of her songs and thought that was awesome. She said she wanted to work with her but she said no fucking way because she was totally intimidated by her. She said that was no problem. She said that song they worked on was ''Little Man.'' She said it was a really old one.
Howard asked why she put out her own album. Sia said that she wanted to do that and she didn't want to go out and promote it. She said now look at what's happening.
Howard said he saw her on Seth Meyers show and that was a very odd thing. Sia said it really was odd. She said that she does charity events for animal rescue or queers. She said that's all she'll do. She said that she had to pick one cause and she went with two. Those are the only two things she'll show her face at.
Howard asked Sia about performing with the president and how she used to wear a mask. Sia said she would wear a backpack and paint herself into a black backdrop. Howard said she's a good looking girl and he thought maybe it was about looks but that can't be it. Howard said she's hiding her face so she can have her anonymity. Sia said that's it. She said that she will take pictures with fans but not for the press.
Howard said when she was on Seth Meyers' show she did that really weird thing. Sia said that she told her manager that she didn't want to do something she had already done. She said she has a contract that says she doesn't have to do any promo. She said she can do this and not make any money from it and she's fine with that. Howard said Rihanna is the one who makes her the money with the songs she performs. Sia said it's the best thing ever. Howard asked if she calls and thanks her when a song this number one. Sia said no but she said she thinks she appreciates it. Sia said that they buy her house after house. Howard asked how many she owns. She said three but then remembered she has four.
Howard said he wishes he could do a bag on his head thing. He said he's a double bagger. Howard said he is a fan of Sia's and he enjoys watching her sing. Howard asked who she loves. Sia said that she likes Jeff Buckley but that won't happen. She said she did see him sing though. She said she did enjoy it. Sia said she's selfish. Howard said she would have been pissed if he wore a bag. Sia said she doesn't sell herself falsely. She said that her plan is to just do benefits for dogs or queers. She said that's it.
Howard said he thinks that the record business is based on people going out to see you in concert. He said that he had Willie Nelson on the show last week and he went home and bought three of his albums. He said he thinks that she needs to tour. Sia said she disagrees. Robin said she's going to do it her way. Sia said that it disturbs her serenity. She said she has her homes all over and she has one in Palm Springs. She said that she has them all over so she can have experiences all over. She said she has some junkie friends that she can hang out with out there. Howard asked if it's hard for her to hang out with friends who drink and do drugs. Sia said she can hang out with them and she can be the feeder. She said she loves tipsy people. She said she just goes home when they get annoying. She just drinks seltzer water and she's fine.
Howard asked what meds she's on. She said she's on some anti-seizure medicine that calms the electricity in the brain. Howard said that's amazing.
Howard said that her new album's single is called Chandelier. Her new album is ''1000 Forms of Fear''. Sia said that she may have a hard time singing that this morning. She just performed for the president last night. She said that she got to talk to him for a short time. Sia said she was so excited and she was jumping up and down. She said that then he approached her. She said his job must be really boring so she had to ask if he meditates. She said he did say he odes but they whisked him away pretty quickly. She said she didn't get to ask him much more about it.
Howard asked about hanging out with Demi Moore. She said that she has been doing that lately. She said that she knows her through some friends and she was like a Mama Bear to her. She said she came over and talked to her and she was really nice. Sia said they became friends and she had some sort of healer at her house and she went to see what that was about. She said that she went to the house and this dude looked like Jack Nicholson. She said he was hot but 60 and hot. She said that they all sat and meditated and had a good time doing that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he didn't know Sia wrote the song for the ending of Six Feet Under. He said he cant imagine a better song for the ending of that show. He said it was perfect. Sia said that was very nice.
Howard asked Sia to try to perform her song ''Chandelier.'' Howard asked how she came up with that. Sia gave a long explanation about how she comes up with song names and how she thought this might be for Rihanna but then realized she wrote a song for herself. She said that the song is about alcoholism so it was very personal to her. Howard asked her to give it her best shot.
Sia and Greg performed the song ''Chandelier'' from her new album ''1000 Forms of Fear'' and she did just fine with her voice.
After the song Howard said that sounds like a big hit song. Howard said maybe she doesn't need to tour. Robin said she's so happy that they get to see her perform. Howard asked if she would be more comfortable if he wore a mask. Sia laughed. Howard said that's a beautiful song.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her mother is bipolar. She said she knows what that can be like. She said she's fascinated by Sia and she wants to hear more and more. She said that Howard made them all more interested in someone they didn't know about. She thanked Howard for that.
Howard said that Sia wrote a song for Flo Rida. That was ''Wild Ones'' that she wrote. Sia said that one wasn't supposed to have her name on it. There was another one that wasn't supposed to have her name on it. She said that David Guetta actually used her voice on Titanium. She said that she was shocked and bummed at first because he wasn't supposed to use her voice. She thought that people were going to be like ''what the fuck'' when she had an EDM hit song. She thought it would be bad politics if they asked them to remove her vocals. Howard said she gave him the track and then thought they were going to use someone else's voice. Sia said they were supposed to use Alicia Keys. She said she likes the song and she loves David. She said that music isn't for her though. Howard asked what she expected the song to sound like. Sia and Greg performed some of Titanium Howard.
Howard said he can see why she was shocked about how it came out. Sia said that it turned out to be the best thing for her. She said it was good for her pop writing career. She said the Wild Ones thing was good because she wanted Katy Perry to sing it. She said she was never going to sing it herself so she asked them to not put her name on it and it came out and her name was on it. Howard asked if it was faster than she wanted it. Sia said that she writes that kind of shit for other people but she sang that one and it worked.
Sia said she has labels made so she can mark everything in the house so she knows which artist bought her which things in there.
Sia said she knows she's fashionable right now. She said she knows she'll have a couple of good years so she's exploiting it right now.
Howard said that Lea Michelle lost her boyfriend Cory Monteith. Howard said she wanted to sing about his death and she asked Sia to help her. Howard said she was able to do that because she lost her boyfriend in a car accident. Sia said that he was trying to hail a cab and he got into one and the door opened backwards and the cab driver said he wasn't' going to take him because he was too drunk and he ended up getting caught by the door and got run over. She said it hit his brain stem and killed him. She said she was on her way to see him and she ended up living with 13 Australians who had just lost people they loved after that.
Howard asked if she wrote the song ahead of time or did she write it with Lea. Sia said she wrote the song with Lea and she gave her publishing rights because of that. She said Lea told her everything. She said she didn't give her all of the publishing rights but some of them. She said the song is all true except for the ''7 whole days'' part. She said it had actually been 14. Howard played some of the song they were talking about. Howard asked if she was there when she recorded the song. Sia said she wasn't. She said she loves the song but voice producing is boring and time intensive. She said that as long as their fans are happy she's fine with how they handle the song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's super cool how she gives her songs away and she's not self centered. Howard said he sees that as a sign of good mental health. Howard said he could never do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this chick is giving him a boner in his car. He said he loves her voice. He said he was crying in the car. Sia thanked him for that.
Howard said when he meets someone like Sia he wonders what it would be like to be her boyfriend. Howard asked if he would see her naked and singing. She said she does that. She said she actually writes songs while she's doing that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is a wonderfully talented woman. He asked if she's been around longer than Lady Gaga. Howard asked what her relationship is with her. Sia said she's a fan but she's never met her. She said that she thinks that they're always accidentally doing similar things. She said she's way older than Gaga but she doesn't think she's ripping her off. She said Gaga is doing her own thing. She said she loves that she never bad mouths people. She said that's really cool.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked Sia if she's ever been approached to have sex to further her career. She said just Christina. She said she was just kidding about that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's amazing. She said she does all of these songs so amazing. Howard hung up on her but Sia thanked her for that.
Ralph called in and said that he loves her music and he thinks she's a little wacky too. He asked if she knew that Rihanna wanted the Diamonds song or did she shop it around. Sia said she had to take one song away from her because she missed out on it by not securing it. She said that her engineer suggested Diamonds for her. She said that he thought it was a better song for Rihanna.
Robin asked if she keeps notes for songs that she wants to write. Sia said that she keeps notes in her iPhone to remind her of things.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's been a fan since 07 and she thinks that she's more mainstream now that she's been on Howard's show and she thinks that's great. Sia said that's so nice.
Howard said that Greg did a great job on piano today. Howard said he took lessons abut that didn't go well. Howard gave Sia a plug for her new album ''1000 Forms of Fear'' that will be out next month. He said her single is out now. Her web site is SiaMusic.net
Sia thanked Howard for making her cry. She said he's a good dad. Howard asked her to please not sing into a bed again. He said she shouldn't hide away. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Gary just gave him a story to read. He said he went to this weird school in Roosevelt and there's a controversy about the principal writing a message to his students and he plagiarized it. Howard said he had to apologize for it. He said he borrowed his words from a California principal. Howard said that's pretty sad. He said that school was just awful though. He said one of the students said he knew something was up. Gary said the student said he knew something was up when the principal said ''please'' pass your yearbooks up to the front. He said that no one ever says please there. Howard had some audio of the student talking about that.
Howard told Robin what was going on since she just came back. Gary said that the problem was that he didn't change the name of the school that he copied. He said he took it verbatim. Gary said the principal put in his own student names in it but didn't change the name of the school. The student said he could have taken 5 minutes out of his time to write something of his own.
Robin asked how that guy gets up and looks at himself in the mirror. Howard said no one has a problem like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his interview with Sia was great. He said when she started singing he was crying. Robin asked if he's a quick crier. He said he does cry but her story is very similar to his. He said he won't write songs but the childhood and bipolar stuff reminded him of himself. He said the interview was amazing. He said he wanted to thank Sia because she's become an inspiration for him. Howard said he knew the audience might wonder why he had her on but he knew they'd come around quickly.
Howard said it was time for Robin's news. They played her in with a song parody from Psych. He did a Soundgarden cover so Howard said that he should open the Friday night Soundgarden show. Howard said that's old school stuff they're doing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that interview was great and it was just as good as Madonna. Howard said he hasn't interviewed her. The caller said the interview was great either way.
Robin started her news with a story about dating and people calling to get their ex's forgiveness. Robin said this is what some people are doing now. She said that's what Adam Levine is doing. Howard said he must have fucked them up in the head somehow. Robin said that the women are saying they don't want to hear from the man and they know the guy is just doing it for himself. Robin asked Howard if he'd want to hear that he's marrying someone else. Howard said they don't give a shit. Robin said she read that Adam has been begging for forgiveness before his wedding this summer. Howard said maybe he was apologizing for cumming on their faces. Howard said Adam will be in next week so he can explain it then.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he loved AGT last night. He said he's never seen a stage crammed with so much talent. Robin said Bobo probably hasn't seen that many stages. Howard said Robin is attacking Bobo now. He wondered what's up with that. Bobo said the magician with the cards was really good and he looked like Sal. Howard said he didn't look like Sal. Howard said they did find some incredible talent for the show this season. Howard said that they have to narrow it down to 45 people on Judgment Day. That used to be called Boot Camp but they've changed things around. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how if you're married you have to have date nights. Howard said they do that. He said he thought that she meant that they should date other people. Robin said it's dating your spouse. Robin said that you schedule a date and then you turn off the cell phones. Howard said they don't do that. Robin said you only want to talk to the person in front of you. Robin said you don't talk about the mundane stuff. She said it should be about romance. Howard said you should clean out your asshole really good before the date too. Robin said you should spruce yourself up and dress up and groom yourself.
Howard took a call from a kid who said that his mom tells him that his dad works at the Howard Stern Show. He said he's 11 years old and she got knocked up in New York in 2002. The kid said his mom doesn't know the guy's name. Howard asked the kid if she really told him that. The kid, Will, said that he's in the car with his brother going to a horse show. Robin said they should call in with his mom. Howard said it ain't him. Howard asked if she said it was him. Will said no. Howard asked if he had big, giant teeth. Will said she just said he worked for the Howard Stern Show.
Howard asked if he has big teeth himself. Will said he does. Howard said maybe if he saw a picture of him he could match it up with someone. Howard asked if he looks like an escaped terrorist. will said he does to some people. Howard said he thinks it might be Gary's kid. Howard said if he hates bathing then he could be Richard's kid. Robin asked if he bites farts in the bath tub. Will said he takes a shower. Robin asked if he's bald. He said he's actually growing an afro. He said he likes to bowl. Howard said maybe he's Robin's kid.
Howard said he thinks that Will is being serious. Howard asked if he thinks that his mom was kidding. Will said that he's telling him the truth. Howard asked Will to call them back with his mom and they'll get to the bottom of this and introduce him to his dad. Will said he was lying and this whole thing was a prank. Howard said he had a feeling it was. Howard said he's a funny kid.
Will said he and his dad came up with the bit. He said he was going to just yell out Baba Booey but they came up with this instead.
Will asked if he was still giving away the Xbox prizes. Howard said not today. He said he's a funny kid though. He said he should have said he didn't know who is dad was and then started making monkey sounds. That way they would have thought Gary was his dad. Will said Gary is not his dad. Howard said he knows. He let the kid go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about the acrobats who were injured in a circus on Long Island. Robin said some of them met with the press yesterday. They plan on suing for their injuries. Robin said they're looking to get back to work but they are healing and rehabilitating. Robin had some audio of one of the women talking about that.
Howard read an email they got about the anniversary of Gary's love tape. He said next year is the anniversary of Gary's toe fungus cure and he hopes they'll celebrate that too.
Howard read an email they got from a fan about Eric the Actor and the sex doll. Howard said the guy said that Eric will fall in love with her in a few months if they send it to him. Howard said they have a security camera on it and they found out that JD fucked it a couple of times and Benjy ate the whole fucking thing.
Howard asked Fred how Benjy is doing over there with his eating. Fred said he hasn't seen him eating much but he leaves the studio a lot so he may be getting food. Howard read an email about Benjy and another one about Eric the Actor and how he should have his sex doll at the Bunny Ranch next time he visits.
Howard said that someone begged them not to send the doll to Jeff the Drunk's house. Gary said Eric called Shuli yesterday and told him one of the reasons he didn't want the sex doll. Howard played the clip and Eric said the doll's hands are covering the nipples and he can't do anything with that. He said that he likes to suck on nipples and areolas so he can't do anything with that doll. He said the position it's in is bad for him too. He said he has bad knees. Robin said the hands aren't over the nipples but the position thing might have her stumped.
Howard said that he got an email from someone who said that Joe Perry is on suicide watch after he said he thinks he looks like him.
Robin read a story about a 16 year old boy who is accused of killing his father. Robin had a 911 call clip where the kid confessed to doing it. Robin said he made the call 4 days after he allegedly killed his father. Robin said he's being charged as an adult. Robin said he pleaded not guilty.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who was sleeping again. Howard said he's not going through this again. He said he wanted to give him the sex doll. Fred said he's wheezing a bit. Howard said he really is.
Robin read a story about snoring and how it should get more attention like sleep apnea does. Robin said they say that it can cause problems with blood flow into the brain. Robin read some details of that study and they say it could cause a greater risk than other things. Robin said Hanzi should have this checked out.
Howard said he had Ron Johnson on the phone. Howard said that this is another story that they're following. Howard said he wants to talk to Ron about this. Ron said a doctor cot in touch with him. He said he saw him the day after for free. He said he wanted to thank Howard for that. He said that there is no relief yet. He said he has a condition and there is no cure other than sewing his esophagus shut. He said there is a medication that the FDA took off the market in 2013 for an unknown reason. He said you can only get it out of the country. Howard asked if the doctor has seen this condition before. Ron said he has seen it and he knows how to treat it. He said this could turn out to be great.
Howard asked Ron if he would duet with Hanzi with his snoring. Ron said sure. Howard let Ron just be quiet other than his belching. Howard said it wasn't as good as he thought it would be. Ron said he made this ringtone. Howard asked to hear it. Ron played it for him and it was his own belching. Howard said that's his ringtone for Benjy.
Howard asked Ron if he's going to miss his affliction if he gets cured. Ron said a happy ''No!'' He said he can get his life back if he gets this fixed. Howard asked when he can see the doctor again. Ron said he can see him again when the medication comes in. He said that might be another week. Howard said he's glad that someone in the audience is coming to his aid. Howard said he has a bunch of songs that have come in about Ron. Ron said he can't afford to listen to his program so he hasn't heard it. Howard told Gary to send him a free subscription.
Howard played some of the songs that they have featuring his belching. Ron was still belching in the background as his own belches were playing along in the Zeppelin song. Howard said that's not bad. Ron agreed. Howard played a Bon Jovi song with his belches in it. Howard said he has to get Ron in there before he's cured. Ron said he must be getting a lot of air play. Howard said he really is. Howard played him another song parody of an Eminem song. Howard asked Ron to please update them when he hears from the doctor. Howard said they love him with the belch. Ron said he doesn't love it but as long as people go to his channel and view it on YouTube he needs all the help he can get. Howard asked what the channel is. Ron said it's the Medical Mystery Belching Man.
Howard said that the belching worked. Hanzi woke up. Hanzi said he didn't want that sex doll. Howard said it's fucking cool. Howard said he's not going to get a real girl so why not take it. Hanzi said fuck you man. Howard asked when he had a girl last. Hanzi said he did about 8 years ago. Hanzi asked if he could get him a real girl. Howard said maybe Robin. Robin said no. Hanzi said Robin would fuck him in a second. Howard said that Hanzi should take this doll. He said he could have this one pleasurable thing in his life. Howard said maybe it would mellow him out. Hanzi said he just jerks off. Howard said he won't give it to him then. Howard said he thinks Jeff the Drunk is going to get it.
Hanzi asked when he's going to get his money. Howard said he is sending it to him but he's not sure. Howard said that the station ended up picking up the 500 bucks. Hanzi said they said 5-8 weeks. Howard said he's getting it for free. Jason said he can't process it until he gets the W8 back from him. Hanzi said that's the wrong form for Canadians. Jason said that's the right form. Hanzi said he doesn't think it is. Howard told him to get his mom to fill it out for him. Hanzi told him to shut up. He said he can't fill the form out but it's a long story. He said he just wants his money easy. He said he doesn't want all of this going on. Howard said he can't even fill out a fucking W8. He said he should just have his mom do it. Howard asked what the problem is. Hanzi said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't want to wait 5 to 8 weeks for it. Jason said that even Jeff the Drunk gets it done. Howard said he's sending him free money and he won't even take it. Jason said the longer he waits the longer it takes. Hanzi was still saying fuck you to Howard. Howard let him go and did a live commercial read.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how the patent office canceled the trademark for the Washington Redskins. Robin said we'll have to see what they do now that their trademark has been rescinded. Howard said the owner has dug his heels into the sand. Howard said it's so foolish. He said it's an offensive name. Howard said the American Indians have been so fucked over. Howard said the white man wiped out an entire population. Howard said that if you have a sports team then just see it in your heart to change the name. Howard said he's just stubborn. Howard said he can just see the guy changing it to the Washington Lazy Mexicans or something like that. Howard said the guy should just do it and change the name. Howard said their entire ancestry is gone because of the white man. He said that if this bothers them, just give it to them and let the name go.
Robin read a story about a female blogger who is pleading not guilty to poisoning her 5 year old to death. Robin said the woman turned herself in yesterday and showed little remorse. Robin had some audio of a police officer talking about her turning herself in. Robin said that the woman is accused of putting sodium in his feeding tube last year. Robin said the woman blogged about her son's health crisis for years as he went in and out of the hospital. Robin said they think this may be a case of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome.
Robin had a clip of the mayor of Los Angeles using the F-word in a speech he made. Robin said he even said you're not supposed to curse but f-it. Howard said these guys are out of their minds. Howard said there are kids around. Howard said he read about some mayor who someone made a fake twitter account for. The guy sent the authorities to the guy's house to fuck with the guy and now that mayor is in trouble. Benjy said he read about another mayor who put dog crap on his opponent's door step and now he's being asked to resign.
Robin read about Dr. Oz testifying in front of a senate committee. Robin said that Dr. Oz and his people feel that they were sandbagged and attacked by the senators. Robin said that they were questioned about the false claims about how to lose weight with magic results. Robin had some audio of Dr. Oz talking to the committee. Howard said he's so confused by this whole thing. Howard said he used to get email from Dr. Oz and he claims that someone got his name and used it. Robin said they say ''As seen on Dr. Oz.'' Howard said he's never seen the guy but he hates the fucker because of those emails. Robin said on his show he will focus on various diet supplements. Robin said he won't endorse them but he will explain them. Howard said the secret is to just not eat so much. Robin said that's what the senator was saying to Dr. Oz. Robin said he was given a little smack on the hand about that yesterday.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about the Ben Ghazi attacks and how we're going to search and find the people responsible for those bombings.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and told him he's sending him the sex doll. Jeff thanked him from the bottom of his hard on. Howard told Gary to make that happen. Gary said he thought Jeff couldn't get an erection. Howard said apparently he can. He just thanked him from the bottom of his hard on.
Robin read about the prices of gasoline possibly going up. Robin said that the loss of Iraqi oil the prices could cause the price of a barrel of oil to go up by $40.
Robin read about President Obama being there in New York last night. Robin said he was there for the LGBT community. She had some audio of him commenting on marriage equality. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Jason asked if he blames his wife at all. Gary said no. He said at the end of the day he did it. He said he was the one who made the decision. Sal told him to just imagine if he got residuals on that.
Jason said he remembers driving in his car the say the tape was played. He said he was in college at the time and then he remembers Howard playing the tape again when he was interning there on the show. He said it's such a thing of beauty.
Jon said that thing lived up to the hype times a thousand. He said not for Gary but for everyone else it was. Jon asked Sal what he thought of it. Sal said it was one of the greatest moments ever on the show. He said that's second only to the Birthday Show.
Jon asked Sal if he ever did anything like that. Sal said he did love letters but he hopes they're burned. He said he dated a girl in junior high and he would write her a love letter and tape pieces of dinner to the letter. He said he'd tape a piece of corn to the letter. Jon asked if he was trying to get her back. Sal said he was just thinking about her. Jason asked how he wasn't arrested. Sal said it was like a pop up book for food.
Sal said that he broke up with her around Christmas because he couldn't afford to buy her a gift. He said he thinks that's about as douchy as he ever got.
Jon asked if he ever sent that girl any bodily fluids. Sal asked if he meant his semen. Jon said he was just asking. Sal said he never did that.
Jon said Sal went in today and denounced Tan Mom. He said he knows he did it to help the bit but when he came out of there he looked sad. Sal said he was almost on the verge of tears. He said he doesn't want to get involved with her anymore and when he started walking in he thought about playing up Milf Mom to make it interesting. He said it was well received but he felt like he sold out his girl. He said that was the dilemma he was in. He said he riled up Tan Mom but he felt bad. He said he was just teasing her and he made up with her later so things are fine. Sal said he respects his wife and he doesn't want to be perceived that way that something could happen with Tan Mom.
Jon asked Sal if he keeps at it when he sees Howard reacting. Sal said he does. He said he gets crazy with it and then he's whipping out his aardvark cock. He said when she said no today he kept it in his pants. Sal said Howard said no too so he kept it in. Jason said he has evolved. He said that no means no now.
Gary said what he got out of this is that he was told not to dig Tan Mom but he thinks he still thinks she's attractive. Sal said he finds Jillian Barberie attractive and he may have led Tan Mom on in the past. He said he would never go there. He said he can't say no to the attractiveness. Sal said he's very committed to his wife. Jon said they all know that and he doesn't have to keep saying that. Sal said he likes Tan Mom and he would go to down on her if he was single. He said he thinks she's a sweet lady. Jon said Sal has a thing for her. He said that with no disrespect meant to his wife.
Sal said that Tan Mom came in with her husband and they did some stuff in their studio. He said that he thought the guy was her assistant. Gary said that guy might be the funniest guy they had there today.
Jon said that Sal went down today when he tripped and fell. Sal said he got hung up on his headphones and fell down. He said he has never tripped over anything like that before.
Jon asked how turned on he was when Tan Mom went after him. Sal said she smelled so good today. He said that she has this female musk. He said she's like a female Ronnie. Sal said she was humping him like a German shepherd and he felt her pelvis on him. He said that turned him on too. He said he was being grappled and he was the victim there. He said she had him in a full Nelson and she was humping his ass.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Tan Mom is going to beat that other woman. Gary said she has balance issues. Gary said she fell on the red carpet at the birthday bash. He said he saw Milf Mom throw some punches and she looked great. Jason said she was just hitting Tan Mom in the gut with the comments. He said she was great. Jason said she fought the way he likes to fight. He said she went right for the jugular.
Benjy said he thinks that Milf Mom got angry toward the end of the whole thing. Jon said that they were both emotional. He said it was great when Tan Mom turned to Howard and asked why he didn't help her.
Gary said that it was funny that Tan Mom didn't know that the Milf Mom was going to be there today. He said that Will talked to hear yesterday about what was going on.
Jon asked if Ronnie has make up on him. Ronnie said he and one of the other guys have make up on them. He said they're trying to figure out if it was from Tan Mom or Sal. Sal said he's not wearing any today. He said that he has some stuff in his beard though so that might be what's on him. Ronnie said that might be it.
Ronnie said that he thinks that Tan Mom might go down in the fight. He said that Milf Mom is half her age and she's got some skills. Jason asked if they are leaving out the x-factor of retard strength. Gary said that she might have that. Jason said he's not sure if she can stand up straight at all. Gary said that he's not sure that it'll last more than 3 minutes. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sam made a comment about Jillian Barberie and compared her to tan Mom. He asked how he can do that within 5 sentences of one another. Gary said he also mentioned Carmen Electra's name. Jon said Sal mentioned Jillian in the show too. Sal said Jillian is hot. He said if you're going to compare hot chicks she's going to be in the mix. Gary asked how you compare her to Tan Mom. Sal said he has to use her because they relate to Jillian. Jon asked if he's heard she's wild too. Sal said he doesn't know. He said he can't even go there. He said he's intimidated by Jillian. He said she's on anther level.
Jon said he's not following his analogies. Sal said that Tan Mom is like Tony Orlando and Jillian is like the Elvis of hotness. Gary asked who Brooklyn Decker is then. Sal said he doesn't know who that is. Gary said she's one of the hottest chicks on the planet now. Sal said he's never heard of her. Gary said she's sort of the benchmark with Kate Upton. Sal said that Scarlett Johansson is hot. The guys showed Brooklyn to Sal. Sal said she's okay. Ronnie said he would take Jillian over Brooklyn Decker. Gary said that's because they know Jillian and how fun she is.
Sal said Jillian is a fun girl and she's a 10. He said with the personality she's a 100. He said she's not for him though.
Jon said she writes songs for people and she decided to keep some for herself. Gary said that Howard doesn't understand her giving the songs away. Benjy said she's not giving it away. He said he doesn't get that at all. He said it's like art. He said it's her song and they know it. Gary said that people don't know it though. He said that people didn't know she wrote Diamonds. He said he got a lot of email and tweets about how they had no idea Sia wrote that. They thought that Rihanna wrote it. Benjy said he always assumes that someone else wrote a song. Jon said she made a point to say that she wanted her name off of some songs. He said she'd rather be unknown for some songs. Gary said that she really had a hard time holding back her disdain for Electronic Dance Music. Jon said that it's more about the beat with that music but the song she wrote was more about the vocal.
Gary said that Ann Previn wrote the song ''Torn'' and her version was so different than Natalie Imbruglia who had a hit with it. They had Ann on the show talking about that. He said Howard is fascinated with the origination of songs and what the process is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought it was brilliant to have Sia on today. He said that she is not an artist that they would have seen on the show years ago. He said she hit it on so many levels and it was awesome. He said they knocked it out of the ball park. He said he's going to listen a second time after the Wrap Up Show.
Gary said what's great is that Sia isn't doing a lot of shows and Howard's show is one that she wanted to do. Benjy said she mentioned she's friends with Whitney Cummings and maybe that had something to do with it.
Jon said that Sia was talking about how her dad was two people, Phil and Stan, and how one was a loving dad and one wasn't. He asked if they have dealt with anything like that. Gary said he has 5 different people. He said that's what it was like with his mom. Gary said when things are normal and they're loving to you it's very hard to understand who the other person is. He said he always felt that the other person was coming back though.
Benjy asked if he thought of her as different people. Gary said no. He said it was just aspects of the person that were different. He said Benjy can't even imagine what it was like. He said his mom would be so loving and happy and then the next day shit was flying across the house. He said that could last for days. Gary said he talked about that in his book. He said when you're manic like that you have energy that's almost super human. He said she could stay up all night screaming and yelling.
Jon asked Sal how he dealt with that in his career. Sal said he never had to deal with that. Sal said that Sia can write a song she doesn't even like. He said it turns into a hit and then she asks them not to put her name on it. He said that's what he was trying to do when he was Cool the Candy Rapper. Gary said that's because Sal just wanted to make money. Sal said his dad was the one who wanted him to make money but all he did was lose money. He said he's the opposite of Sia.
Jon asked Sal what he would have done if someone else wanted to record one of his songs. Sal said he'd love people to know it's his song but he'd love to make money off of something he wrote. Jon asked if he ever made money off of any other artists. Sal said he did send some stuff to the Beastie Boys. He said he brought his tape to him but they said that they don't take unsolicited material. Sal said he went to Def Jam records and he was begging them. He said he refused to leave. Then he got thrown out. He said the guy looked at him and said he had his curiosity up so he took the tape. He said he never heard anything back. The guys told him that they probably threw it right into the garbage. Sal talked about his rap days and how these rappers were like gods to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has only been listening for about 2 years but he loves what they do. He said he has never been so excited about hearing the Gary apology tape. He said when they're done with the Howard Stern Show they should go around and do a story tellers kind of thing. He said he'd love to sit and listen. Gary thanked him for the kind words. Gary said he won't be disappointed in the Sternthology replay of his tape today.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that he'd be able to watch the guys laugh at his tape today. Gary said he cringes with no one watching it. He said he cringes in the car when he hears it in there alone. Sal said he commends Gary for getting a woman like that. Gary said he got back with her but it didn't work out.
Sal asked if the chick was good in bed. Gary said he's not going to talk about that. Sal said she must not have been that good. He said she must have been good to Gary though. He said she must have been like the Flock of Seagulls to Gary. Lisa G was in and said that she must have been good or Gary wouldn't have tried to get back with her.
Sal said he bets that the woman thinks about how she could have had Gary and now she's home with 3 fat kids with chocolate milk moustaches and some smelly fat husband. Gary said he gets so much insight into what Christine has to deal with when Sal goes on a rant like that.
Gary said Sal can go from A to B to Z in a second. He said then it becomes fact in his mind. He said that's how he gets into so much trouble. Gary said Sal skipped all of the letters there. Sal said they don't really want him to get to Z because they someone would be calling the cops on him.
Jon asked Lisa G what she had in the headlines today. Lisa ran down what they had coming up. They wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:20am.
Jon mentioned the sex doll that ended up going to Jeff the Drunk. Gary said he thinks he has a plan to sell that thing. He said he heard an intern talking to Jeff yesterday and he was asking a lot of questions about what it was.
Jon brought up Jason Biggs and Jenny Mollen. He said he heard JD heard her talking about something. JD said she was on The View and she ended up telling the hooker story. She wasn't able to tell some of the story and then the next day Candace Cameron was on The View talking about how she doesn't get why they celebrate that kind of thing.
Gary said he loves it when people come on the show and tell a great story and then other shows try to get them to tell the story but they don't have the time and they can't talk the same way they do there. Gary said it is great to see people try to lift Howard's stuff and then crash and burn.
Jon said JD is a big fan of Jenny's. JD said they both follow him on Twitter. He said he's friendly with them. Jon said they'll get into that more in a little bit.
Jon mentioned Howard talking about Casey Kasem's death and how Howard doesn't get how people connect the two of them even though they have nothing in common other than being in radio. Jon said they have a lot to get to today.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jenny Mollen is as hot as she sounds. JD said she is and there are pictures posted all over the place. The caller said he thought the interview was awesome. He asked where Howard comes up with the ideas for the show like the Dancing with the Stars thing. Gary said he comes up with that stuff off the top of his head.
Jon took another call from a guy who couldn't be heard. Jon asked the question he had for him. He wanted to know if Howard was upset that the kid pranked him yesterday. Gary said it's like any 12 year old kid pranking someone. He said it's not a big deal. Jon said that the guys in the back were laughing at first but then they were wondering who the suspects could be. Jon asked who it could have been. Gary said he's not sure who it was. He said it might come down to him, Fred and Scot. JD said it could have been KC or Stuttering John. Gary said he was laughing through the whole thing. He said he wasn't buying it 100 percent but he did buy it enough to be riveted.
Jon asked who could end up doing something like that. Sal and Richard's name came up but they were talking about how Richard has changed over the past few years and he doesn't talk about sex so much these days. Jon said since he got married he's done a 180. Jon said that side of him has gone away on air but he's not sure what's going on off the air. Gary said he used to talk about women being so hot off the air. He said they don't even do that anymore. JD said he's noticed that too.
Gary asked who the horniest guy on the show is. JD said that it might be him. He said Sal might be second. JD said that Ronnie is actually the horniest. Gary said Sal reminds him of a gay guy that gets sent to a camp to be straightened out. He said he's trying to hard to be good. JD said he comes into his office once in a while to check out the porn he has in there. He said he'll ask him what he's doing and Sal will just say ''nothing... nothing.''
Richard came in and said that he was laughing out there when he heard them asking JD if they watch more gay porn than regular porn. He said there was a gay porn explosion in 2005 when they heard some of those really crazy clips. He said that Wood Yi had to record that stuff at K-Rock and he would just roll his eyes. JD said the visual helps at times. Richard mentioned some of the clips they play on the show and how it's hard not to laugh at them when you see them.
Richard said he went 10 years without getting laid at one time. He used to collect porn on his computer. Gary said Richard had it all cataloged. Gary said he has no idea who the big stars are these days. Gary said there are no hot stars.
Gary asked Richard when he last pumped off. Richard said he hasn't done it in weeks. He said he's no Jon Hein who denies doing it at all. He said his wife is awesome and he doesn't want everyone hearing about him pumping off. Jon said he buys that. He said he knows Richard has changed a lot. He said he gets that. Jon asked why everyone laughs when Sal says he's doing that. Gary said people laugh because Sal never learns his lesson. He said he just keeps doing things over and over.
Gary said he doesn't know how Sal didn't get fired from his job as a stockbroker. He said that he did so many crazy things there. He said maybe it's because there were only guys there.
JD mentioned the ''Beat My Wife'' song that Sal had and how his wife reacted to that. Richard said they used to do comedy shows and they'd do those songs live and he'd dress up like Sal's wife. He said Sal's wife would be there singing along to it in the audience. He said she was a great sport. They went to break after that.
Gary told Richard to take JD and go watch some docking movies. Then they can report back. Richard said he only heard about this about 3 years ago. He said maybe it'll become more popular now that they're talking about it.
Jon asked JD what the hot trends are now. JD said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't watch that much. He said he only sees gay porn here and there. Gary said he heard about Extreme Anal. Richard said he's going to use that drop to call people now. Gary said that's great. Gary said he read that people are hurting themselves with this. He said they get a prolapsed anus from this.
Richard said they say that milk enemas are a big thing too. He said they take the enema and then spray it on people. Gary said that's gross. He said the milk will go sour in there so they must have to get another enema to clean the milk out.
Gary said they had a stripper come in years ago and she had just had a baby. He said she was squirting milk all over the place and she was perplexed that they weren't into it.
Jon brought up the Tan Mom game again and said that Tan Mom didn't get one answer correct. Jon said Sal thought her CIA question was correct but it wasn't. He said Sal got that one wrong thinking it was right. Jon asked Gary if Sal knows the answers to the questions he asks. Gary said Sal will look and he'll find it on Yahoo answers. He said it's just another Sal putting up the wrong answers. He said that he found a story the other day about a guy who said he came out as gay and he was going to print it but then he has to do internet searches to find out if it's right.
Jon said Sal doesn't do that second step sometimes. He said he thought the CIA thing was right but he was wrong. Sal started talking but his voice was delayed so he was thrown off by that. Sal said that he did the CIA check and he searched for ''Certified Intelligence Agency'' and it came up. He said he saw listings for it. Richard said that Tan Mom is correct in a way. Gary said it doesn't stand for that for the bulk of Americans. Sal said when Richard heard the question come out as being wrong when he though tit was right he wanted to go tell Gary. He said Richard burst out laughing and asked if he could tell Gary he thought it was right. He said it was okay. Richard said it wasn't that big of a deal. Sal said he trusts Richard. He said he'll tell him it's going to be interesting and he'll trust him on that. Gary asked if he was right about the Tan Mom game. Sal said it wasn't that funny. He said it was fine that Richard told Gary. He said the game was great so he's happy with that.
Benjy asked Sal if he's ever thought Richard was wrong about something. Sal said he doesn't know. Richard said that there may have been something in the past. Sal said he has something for Gary today that he'll tell him off the air.
Gary said that there is a book called History for Dummies and he thinks Sal should read it. Sal said he has taken an interest in history since he watched that movie about the Civil War.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked what they think of the name change for the Redskins. Gary said he's in complete agreement with Howard. He said people say it's not offensive but you can't say that unless you're an Indian. Gary said it's very clear that the government has come down on it and the President is coming down on it. He said they're going to start losing advertisers and FedEx might be the first one if they take the name away from the stadium they play in. Gary said they have so many things they have to change if they do take that name away.
Benjy asked if it should be legal pressure about it. Gary said there isn't any yet. Benjy said that they took the trademark away from them. Gary said that they would do that if they had a ''Brooklyn Fags'' team or something. He said it's like a hate crime to call someone that. Benjy said he thinks that it's protected speech to say something like that.
Jon said it's the whole history of the franchise and he sees why they might start making other teams change like the Blackhawks. Sal threw in the Cleveland Browns which made Gary crack up. Sal said he's been to Cleveland and what else could the Browns refer to. Jon said it has nothing to do with what Sal thinks it does. He said that someone named Paul Brown founded the team. Sal said that's stupid. Sal said that these things manifest into problems. He said that Paul Brown may have started the team but people may think that it's referring to skin color and get upset. Jon said he has to stop him there and take a break. Gary said that Sal honestly thought that it was about black people. Jon told him to hold that thought and went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he gets what they're saying about the Redskins but when are they going to stop. Sal said he would change it to Cleveland African Americans. Jon asked Sal why not change it to the Cleveland Football Players. Gary said in the 60s it might have been okay to call it the Cleveland Coloreds. He said these days it wouldn't be. Sal said he doesn't think it would be okay because it's offensive. He asked Sal if he knows what the NAACP stands for. Sal said he had to think about that. Jon told him to take his time. Sal said he thinks it's Negro... then he sighed. Sal said then it might be Actively Association Colored People. Sal said maybe it's National something. Sal said he doesn't know because he's not of color. Jon said Sal can't just say he doesn't know. Sal said he could if they gave him a minute to think about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sal should check out the Chicago Blackhawks shirt because it's not a bird. He said the Blackhawks are an Indian tribe. Sal saw a picture and he said that if you go through the history books it's your standard Indian. He said that's what he would show his kids if he was teaching them about the Indians.
Sal was also looking at the Cleveland Indians logo. Sal said that it's a guy smiling. He said he's not sure if it's offensive. He said that they have a fat guy on a pizza box. He asked if that's offensive. Gary said he's not sure what he's getting at. Sal said this Indian is a comical looking character.
Sal said he doesn't get why people are so upset. He said we should stop using names for colors of skin and use numbers instead. He said this stuff is always so stupid. He said that if you had testicular cancer you wouldn't care about it.
Gary asked if something has been the same for 100 years then should it stay the same. Sal said no. He said that change is good. He said they should just play the game and forget about this nonsense. He said that no one cares if the Cleveland Indians have a goofy character. Sal said it's the advertisers that are upset and it's not the people.
Jon asked Sal what he would do. Sal said he'd do nothing. He said we live around crybabies. He said we can't say things that we want because there are crybabies out there. He said when someone is acting in a comical way they should be allowed to speak their views. He said that we're all taking that stuff away because of the crybabies like FedEx. He said all of these people have to come forward and apologize. He said they're just apologizing to the man. He said that's what it comes down to.
Jon asked Sal if he regrets apologizing for what he has apologized for. Sal said of course he does. He said Jonah Hill is apologizing and he is a wonderful guy. He said this guy was poking him and he flipped out. He said that's anger and it's something humans do. Gary asked about Justin Bieber and his N-word stuff. Sal said that's a different story. He said that guy is just a jerk off. He said people being funny are another story. Sal was in the middle of a sentence when he choked on something. Everyone was laughing their asses off. Sal said he just got a poppy seed stuck in his throat.
Sal said he has more to say. Jon said he thinks they got it. Sal said he knows they're going to switch his words around. Jon said they will not. Sal said if you walk down the street and say an anti-gay slur because you're a mean person, that's one thing. He said if you're being provoked and you do that it's a different story. Gary asked who decides that. Sal said it depends on the situation. Sal asked Gary why he said the N-word in school. Gary said he was angry. Sal said they know Gary is the furthest thing from racist but he said something to upset that person and he used a racial slur.
Jon said they have to wrap this thing up. He had Shuli run down his headlines for today's Howard 100 News. Shuli did that and the guys got in their plugs. They were finished around 11:05am.
Benjy asked Gary if it stings him at all. Gary said it embarrasses him. He said he has the embarrassment of hearing it over and over. He said that he never thought of anyone hearing it. He said now that it's out everyone hears it. He said it's like a sex tape getting out.
Jon said Gary controlled it though. He said he had a little bit of control over that. Gary said he didn't think it was going to be as bad as it was. He didn't watch the whole thing before he brought it in. He said Robin Radzinski from the E! show turned to him and said ''Oh Booey...'' in the saddest voice. He said he knew there was something wrong then.
JD asked Gary if he would rather have a sex tape out there. Gary said this is better than a sex tape. He said he'd rather have his kids see this than a sex tape. He said he wouldn't want the kids seeing him having sex with a woman other than their mother.
Jon said there must be other stuff like this out there. JD said he won't even leave voice mails. He said he just texts them or calls. He said he won't leave a message. Benjy asked if he even says it's JD and has them call back. JD said occasionally he will. Benjy said he's careful about that too.
Gary said he thinks there are guys who have been where he was and they go out and do things like he did. He said he thinks it's so embarrassing that they have to act like it never happened to them. Jon asked if he thinks Howard has ever done it. Benjy said everyone has. Jon said he thinks Howard may have done something like that to get a girl. Jon said everyone does it at some point.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he knew he was going to be humiliated the way he was, would he have kept the tape. Gary said yes. He said he wouldn't have done it. He said that's one thing he would have taken back in his life. It's that and the pitch. He said he thinks people would look at him in a different way if he hadn't done those two things.
Benjy said that he can enjoy the comedy around it but he doesn't think of it as embarrassing to Gary at all. He said it's just embarrassing because Gary says it is. Gary said it's not that he's bummed from the way people look at him. He said it's about the way he feels. He said that's the embarrassing part for him.
Benjy asked why it's embarrassing to be human. Gary said it's something he never expected people to see. He said he's not ashamed by it but it's embarrassing. Benjy said he gets that but he's not sure why it's embarrassing for people to see you being human. Gary said it's when women see it and call him a pussy. He said he has had women tell him that on Twitter. He said some women are kind of hardened and they don't want that out of a guy.
Jon asked Gary what stings more, the pitch or the tape. Gary said that's a tough call. He said it depends on the day.
Jon said he's not going to put up with that but he's happy that Sal is more relaxed so he can get into that. He said that Sal is not making this up. He said when he looked at him and though the Cleveland Browns was a racist team he was serious. He said that's what makes Sal so funny. He said he will keep bringing him in to do whatever he wants to do on this show. He said he is one of the funniest and most entertaining people he knows.
Jon said that Sal really thinks that way. He said he's not making it up. Benjy said he thought that was an intentional thing he was doing. Gary said he and Jon spend a lot of time with Sal and that is 100 percent sincere. He said it's not a joke in any way. Gary said that Sal will say something and look around the room and see the faces on people. He said he's not sure if he's right or not and he leaves that open so it could be a joke or not. He said people love how he's not confident in whatever he says. He said that's what makes him great.
Benjy said that he really thought it was a joke. Jon said he is 100 percent wrong on that. He said he knows what is real and what is not. Jon said he heard about that all day long. He said he heard about the NAACP thing and all of that.
Gary said he got to his desk this morning and he had a ton of Cleveland Browns stuff on his desk. He said it was almost like someone sent Sal a gift for being a dick about the Browns. He said the coach of the Browns listens to the show every day and he wonders if he heard that and laughed his ass off.
Benjy said that Sal thought Browns referred to skin color. He said that has happened to people before. He said there was one guy who used the word ''niggardly'' and he got in trouble for it. He said he was using it in the right way so he wasn't trying to get into anything over it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell Gary that his love tape was not in vain. He said that he has a friend who doesn't listen to Howard and he went and bought a subscription just because of that tape. Jon said he thinks Gary has brought people a lot of joy but just not to himself.
Gary said they had a clip of a councilman or something like that. He said the guy said he wasn't something and then he said he wasn't ''n-word rich either'' and he had to resign over it because he had mistaken what someone said to him. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said he wanted to get to a conversation they had earlier. He said they were talking about the guys making tapes that they might be embarrassed by. JD said Artie mentioned that he would bring up a coded word on the air for a girl he was going out with. Benjy said he does stuff like that in a different way. He said it was very interesting that Artie did that. He said that it's not like they all have that ability. Benjy said the word Artie said was a funny thing but he can't remember it. Jon said if anyone remembers please call in. Jon asked Gary if he ever did that kind of thing. Gary said he never thought of doing it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that pitch and Gary's video don't mean that much. He said he still thinks the same good things about Gary. Gary said he appreciates that but he's not in the majority. Gary said he thinks that no one bashed Chris Rock about his pitch more than they did to him. Jon said that pitch has resurfaced. Gary said he thinks it's a losing battle trying to keep it hidden. He said that you can't keep it down for long.
Jon said he thinks that Gary should get more respect for the way he's dealt with it. He said a lot of people would lash out or bury their head in the sand. Gary said that he had to deal with his mom throwing pots and pans around the house so he can deal with stuff like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Tan Mom is losing it or is she always like that. JD said he asks that like she ''had it'' before. Jon asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said that he thinks she had a lot of wackiness from the start. He said the first time they talked to her it was about her tanning. He said now she perceives herself as a celebrity so she has a little more of that nuttiness.
Jon said that she was saying that she was the star in the studio this week. JD said he thinks that she'd be okay with some other famous people. He said it's just Milf Mom that bothered her. Gary said she hates Teen Mom too.
Gary said that the Birthday Bash show starts on Monday and one of his favorite moments is Tan Mom in the balcony. He said then Joan Rivers comes out and says that Tan Mom's kids are the only ones who wish that their mom was Casey Anthony. He said it's a great moment.
Jon said the birthday show is coming on Monday and Tan Mom may stick in your head. Gary said they had so many great guests there and at the end of the day Tan Mom is as important as Chris Christie, David Letterman and all of those people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Tan Mom is on the same level as Sal. He said that they both tan and they both have the same intellect. He said that Sal should leave his wife and shack up with her. Jon said that Sal did love to tan and he has talked about how he loves her wildness. He doesn't think he'll be leaving his wife though. Gary asked if he thinks that Sal could have ended up with her if Christine wasn't around. Jon said he thinks so 100 percent. JD said he thinks maybe Sal from 15 years ago and Tan Mom now would work.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks he remembers what Artie said on the air. He said it was Otis. He said his uncle was an elevator operator and Artie used that word for his girlfriend. The caller said he thought it was something that his uncle said to him or something like that. Jon said that might be a different secret word.
Benjy said that Artie is very intelligent and he thinks he could have done a lot of coded messages with the things he said.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they were in studio when Milf Mom threw a punch. They all saw it. Gary said she takes kick boxing and she can throw a real punch. Jon said that some people think she can take down Tan Mom. Jon said the bigger question is if Tan Mom will be standing while she's in the ring. Gary said she's very rubbery-ish. He said she just falls down and bounces back up. They had to take another break after that.
Jon had Sal come in. He asked how he's doing today. Sal said he's doing good. He said he wanted to cover two things. Jon told him to hold on. Jon said h was telling everyone how funny and entertaining he is. Sal said that's because he's dumb. Jon said that's right. He said some people think that he's faking it or putting it on. He said he's not.
Sal said the reason he was eating yesterday is because he was starving. Gary said he should give them the same respect that he'd give to Howard. Sal said he was hungry and he was trying to eat it in a way where he wasn't chewing on the microphone. Jon told him to eat and then come in. Sal said alright and told them to stop being washerwoman. He said they're like two fat, annoying soccer moms. Gary said that he should apologize. Sal did it but Jon said that sounds like something a kid would say.
Sal also said that he was sort of joking around about the Cleveland Browns thing. He said people are so politically correct that they interpret things the way they see it and then take it out of context. Gary said the point Jon was making was that Redskins refer to the color of the skin on an Indian. He said the Browns are named after Paul Brown so Sal is the one who is wrong there. Sal said that the Redskins have used that name for a really long time and it's just now that people are getting upset about it. Sal said that it's just getting out of control. Sal said someone might come forward and ask them to remove the Browns name from the team. He said that's just the point he was trying to make.
Benjy said he buys what he was trying to say. Sal said it was a joke too. He said it's the way it's dissected that's ridiculous. Gary said no one made that connection to the Browns other than Sal. Sal said that wasn't his point. He said it's the way people get offended by things. He said that's the stupidity of political correctness. He said he is putting himself into the minds of the idiots out there and how we have to cater to them. Sal said he doesn't think the Browns has anything to do with skin color. He was just talking about how people will eventually be offended by it. Sal said that he's offended by these organizations and they should be telling the sponsors that if they cater to them that we won't buy their products. Sal said there is a right and a wrong and it's all taken out of context. He said it's just annoying.
Benjy asked Sal what someone is supposed to do if they're offended. He asked if they should speak up. Sal said they should. Gary said that's what the Indians did about the Redskins. Sal said that's different because that's their race. Sal said every situation is different. He said you have to analyze it. He said that he doesn't have the answers. He said he thinks people do it to satisfy their egos. He said they have nothing going on in their lives and that's why they do this.
Gary asked if the N-word is okay to say. Sal said it's not. Gary asked how he decided that because he's not black. Sal said he can understand the Native American's coming forward. He said that's their race. Sal said anyone can come forward. He said he understands their point because it's a specific group. He said it's not the other groups.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she agrees with Sal over the Political Correctness these days. She said you'll offend someone if you say anything. She said it never stops. Benjy jokingly blamed it on the Jews. Sal said it all depends on how you approach it. He said if he and Jon are joking around and Jon says something is retarded then it's fine but you can't go up to someone and call them a retard. Gary asked what the difference is. Sal asked why he's talking to him like a 6 year old. Gary didn't think Sal really understood the difference. Sal gave up and said he can't take it.
Sal said things get out of control. Gary asked Sal if he tells someone ''that's so gay'' is that a negative thing and what does it refer to? Sal said he understands why some people would be offended. He said there are people who nitpick things and that's who he's complaining about. He said it all depends on the intent and how it's presented. He said everything he says is being broken down and things are starting to fuck up in his head. He said he's making a statement and that's it. He said he wants to move on to the next question. Gary said they're talking to each other. He said this is a back and forth.
Sal asked Gary what his opinion is on this. Gary said he understands why people get upset about some of these things. He said you grow up hearing them but they can be offensive to someone. He said he doesn't think that someone should tell him what to do though.
Sal said the word ''fag'' bothers him now. He said they used to use it a lot growing up but now he sees that people are hurt by it. He said if you have empathy for those people then you should decide if you should use it or not. Gary said if he's gay and it's negative to him how is he supposed to know what his intent is. Sal said he would choose his words carefully if Gary was gay. Gary said he shouldn't use them in front of someone if he's not comfortable with them. Sal said if they're joking around it's totally different. He said in any other situation it would come off mean spirited. He said it's really not black and white and no pun intended there.
Jon asked Sal why he would use ''fag'' for any reason. Sal said he won't use it. Sal said he hasn't used it around Jon. Benjy said he would use it to write for a character though. Sal said that's true.
Jon said that the caller said things have gotten more politically correct. He said it's to a greater degree than it used to be. He said you have to be more conscious of what you say. Jon said that George Takei came on the show and now they're more sensitive to the word ''fag'' because he talked to them about how it hurts him.
Sal said there's a great scene in Louie where the gay friend breaks down the word ''fag'' and it's so clever and insightful. He said that he'd suggest watching that episode.
Gary said he thinks if you follow words that are acceptable they become unacceptable at some point. Gary said in the 60s they could refer to black people as colored people. Then it was black people and then it was African American people. He said things change over time. Benjy said the word queer has been reclaimed by gay people. He said it used to be derogatory.
Benjy asked why they call Eric the Actor Eric the M-word. JD said he asked them to start calling him that again.
Gary said that the word colored is offensive today but the NAACP hasn't changed the word in their title. Sal just realized that the word was part of the NAACP. He didn't know what it meant yesterday. Sal said it must mean National African American Colored People. Jon told him ''Well done.'' Jon cut him off and said alright, alright. They wrapped up the show a short time later. They were done around 11:10am.