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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard Returns Live. 1/3/02. 6:05am
Howard and the crew finally returned from their vacation this morning. Howard said that they all ''survived'' their long vacation. He said he's better off being on a schedule but he does enjoy the time off.
Howard said Robin should have come back to do a ''Top Ten News Stories of 2001'' but she said someone should have told her that before this morning. They then spent a couple of minutes talking about the breakup of Drew Barrymore and Tom Green that happened during their break.
Howard said he felt kind of guilty being off yesterday. He said everyone else was back to work and they were off because Gary found an extra vacation day that they were able to use.
Howard was trying to come up with ''Best of 2001'' lists last night but the only thing he could come up with was the fact that he hates movies and TV shows where actors play a bunch of parts. He gave Eddie Murphy and Hank Azaria as two examples. He said they never look good and it doesn't work.
Howard had a New Year's Eve party on Monday night. He said he'll never have another one. There were 112 people in his apartment. He said he has a great view of Central Park and he was going to have everyone watch the fireworks but they ended up getting canceled.
Howard said that people were all over his apartment looking at his stuff. Michael Rapaport was looking at his books and movies. Howard says he doesn't read any of the books that are in his book shelf. He just has them there so the book shelf looks full.
People were also looking at pictures Howard had around the apartment. He said he put most of them away but the ones he left out were there for viewing.
Howard continued to tell all kinds of stories about the party for quite a while. Some of the celebrity guests at the party included John Popper, Gilbert Gottfried, Gina Gershon and Michael Rapaport. Howard's co-workers were all there too.
After the party Howard said the floor was covered in black marks from dirty shoes and crushed chocolate. Howard said he had 2000 balloons floating on his ceiling for the party so he had to get rid of them the next morning. He popped them all with a pin. He ended up finding broken glass on the floor when he was cleaning up. He said he'll never do something like that again at his own apartment.
The guys all said that Howard's girlfriend looked great. She had her own dress design created for the party and the guys said it was really hot.
Hole Number 1 Or Hole Number 2 Game. 01/23/07. 7:40am
Howard had this woman Michelle on the phone. She wrote them a letter a while back and claimed that she and her boyfriend Mike play some games where her man blows air into her pussy or asshole and she blows it out. Howard said that can't possibly make her feel sexy. She said it's just a fun thing she does. Her boyfriend can crack his penis like people crack their knuckles.
Howard asked Michelle what she was wearing. She was nude and said she's going to be 40 years old in June. Howard asked her if she's in good shape. She said she's 5'8'' and weighs about 135 pounds. She's had a couple of kids but they're grown and out of the house.
Michelle and Mike were in their bedroom and ready to play this game. They were going to do the air blowing thing and Howard and the guys were going to have to figure out which hole the air was coming out of. Howard had Michelle describe herself to him and then described what she was going to be doing.
Michelle said that she won't even know which hole she's having the air blown into. Howard said that maybe they should bet each other with this stuff once they hear what's going on. He had Michelle demonstrate. Mike went down on her, blew some air in there and she blew it right back out. Robin guessed that it was the vagina. Artie said that he's going with Robin since she's the only one with a vagina in the room. Fred went with Vagina as well. Michelle said it was the vagina. Howard had guessed it was the butt.
Mike went down on her again and blew some of that are in there. When Howard heard the air blow out, he knew it was the asshole. He said it sounded like she shit the bed. He had him blow it in there again and he knew it was ass again. Mike said they have had accidents before. He said that a ''tiny little nug'' came out. He said it didn't hit his face or anything.
Howard had Mike go down on her once again. He wondered if they play it for hours at a time. Mike said that he just plays it once in a while when they're messing around. He blew some more air into Michelle and Howard was able to identify it.
Howard asked Mike if Michelle likes it when he eats her ass. He said she does like that kind of stuff. Howard asked Mike to crack his penis like he said he could. Mike didn't have a boner at the time because he was too nervous so he couldn't do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Mike if he knows he could kill Michelle by doing this. Mike said he's not blowing a lot of air in there, it's just a little. He said it's just a mouthful, not enough to kill her. Howard said his great grandmother died this way, his great grandfather was blowing air into her.
Howard took some more calls and then had Mike do some more ass air blowing. Mike decided to blow into both holes at once. He went down and did that and Michelle blew a couple of nasty sounding queefs and farts. Mike said he primes the hole with his tongue and then blows in a tiny bit of air. He said she tries to hold it in but she laughs and it comes out quickly.
Howard said he thinks that Sal and Richard would do that. Richard came in and said he would let it be done to him but Sal is dirty down there. Mike asked Richard to stop doing the gay stuff with Sal. He's really bothered by that.
Howard asked Mike to do one more blast. He went down, did his thing and then started laughing his ass off when Michelle blew that out. He said that was her asshole that he had just done. Howard asked Mike if they would come down and do this live in the studio. He said that Michelle probably wouldn't want to do it. Howard said they could create a whole game show out of this.
Howard thanked Mike and Michelle for calling in and tried to let them go a short time later. Mike was very high strung. Howard figured he was high. He had Mike put Michelle back on the line so he could talk to her. Michelle said they were practicing last night to make sure they could do this today. She said that she has no problem letting Mike do this stuff because they've known each other for so many years. She said she loves when Mike puts his tongue up her ass. Richard said that some women are able to have ''assgasms.'' Michelle said she doesn't have that. Howard let her go a short time later. Mike tried to blast a fart as he was getting off the phone but Howard said that would be gay if they listened to him farting.
Gayest Moment Ever? 01/23/07. 8:00am
Richard asked if Benjy would blow air into his ass if he got a straw. Benjy said he would do that if he didn't fart on him. Richard ran out to get the straw. Howard warned Artie that this was going to be very gay. Richard tried shoving the straw in his ass and eventually got it in. Benjy then went over and tried blowing in a little air. Benjy said it smelled bad when he went to the straw. Richard claimed he had showered though.
Benjy noticed some weird stuff going on down there. He blew in some air and then Richard farted. Howard missed it so he told him to do it again. Benjy went in and did it again. Richard tried farting but he was struggling with it. Richard said he can feel the air going in when Benjy blows it in there.
Richard said he had a bubble of air stuck inside and he was trying to get it out. Benjy said he could see Richard's rectum opening up when he did it. He was also saying that Richard smells like the jerk off booths that guys go to.
Richard tried again but still wasn't able to fart. Howard told him to give up. Benjy let out a yell when the straw came out brown. He was freaking out yelling and saying ''Oh my god!'' over and over. Benjy said he had a piece of shit in his ass.
Captain Janks called in and started gagging when he was listening. He said he was out on the porch listening and threw up on his shirt. Artie said he had to get out of there because he was so grossed out. He was ready to walk out because he was trying to eat. Janks said that was the most disgusting thing he's ever heard on the show.
Another caller said that he had to cancel his subscription after this. Howard said it was actually very funny to see though. Benjy thought it was fun until the straw came out. Gary told Howard that Richard was out in the hall retching for some reason. Howard figures someone put the straw in his mouth.
Richard said it was really gross but he was still holding his straw so Howard told him to throw it away and move on with his life. Richard threw it away so the guys told him to wash his hands. Richard almost walked out of the bathroom without doing that. They told him to go wash in the other bathroom.
Howard said he wouldn't let people blow air into his asshole. The guys were goofing on Richard as he was walking to the other bathroom. Artie told him to go to the gay channel and have them smell his fingers. He eventually washed his hands and got all clean. He said he had forgotten to do that until they reminded him about it. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said Tracey was trashing Gary and Lisa G. Gary said they have 10 clips but Scott said he could have pulled 20.
In the first clip Tracey was going off on Gary about what a piece of shit he is. Tracey said that the only one who treats her different than everyone else is Gary. She said that Gary warned her that it was like a boy's club there and he's the only one who makes it that way. She said that Gary never tells her stuff that he needs to tell her. She said he'll tell Jason and Jason will forget to tell her.
Howard had to stop the clip and try to figure out what was going on. Gary said he goes to her office like once a week. He said that you have to respect her or else you're disrespecting her. He said if you hang around her enough then you're going to disrespect her. Gary said he likes Tracey and he'll sit down to talk to her once a week.
Gary said one of the things she's mad about is the ski house he has. He said the house is tiny and he had him, Jon, Will and Jason there. He didn't invite Tracey because the place has one big room with a couple of beds. He said they were snoring and all of that so it would have been uncomfortable to sleep in that group of guys.
Gary said that the other thing is that he joined the Friar's club and he got some of the guys together to do that. He said he invited a bunch of guys and Tracey. He said he had something come up and he canceled so he's a piece of shit for that too.
Gary said that sometimes he'll cancel a meeting and tell Jason to tell people about it and Tracey is upset about that too. He said that's a sign of disrespect according to her. Gary said he doesn't treat her that bad and he's not sure why she makes it out that way.
Howard played more of the audio of Tracey going off on Gary and she was saying they have an intercom system that Gary could use. Howard stopped it and said he knows how hectic things can get in there. Gary said he does use the intercom sometimes and he doesn't think that he's disrespecting her the way she says he is.
Howard played more of Tracey going off on Gary and she was telling Gary to stop playing his Solitaire and Sporcle games. Howard didn't know what that was. Gary explained the game to Howard like he barely knew what it was even though he has played it.
Gary said he's not sure how he's supposed to go through his day today. He said she's going to want respect from him but she's trying to scare people into respecting her.
Howard played more of the audio of Tracey going off on Gary and she was saying that he's disrespecting her. Howard had more clips of her going off on Gary about other things too. Tracey said ''that mother fucker'' told her to come into his office and clean out his refrigerator. She said she threw everything away after asking him if it was his food. She couldn't believe that he did that to her. She said that was very disrespectful and he was treating her like a piece of shit. Tracey was going off on him about how he only calls her about toilets overflowing and things like that. She said Gary is the only one who treats her that way too. She said it's not her fucking job to clean out his fucking refrigerator.
Gary explained what goes on with the refrigerator there. He said it became a community fridge and he doesn't know that he asked Tracey to clean it out. He said he may have asked her to have someone find out whose stuff was in there and she may have taken it the wrong way. Gary said he's sorry about that but he just needed the refrigerator cleaned. He said the other thing she was talking about with the toilet being flooded is something else. He said he just tells her about the bathroom because she's the one who calls the people to take care of it. He asked who else is supposed to handle it other than the office manager.
Robin said she still has an issue with the refrigerator. Gary said he can't just take it all out and throw it in the garbage. He said that he doesn't tell her ''clean it out bitch'' like she's making it sound.
Howard and Robin said it sounds like there's a lot of miscommunication going on there. He said he had more clips to play from her show. He asked what the name of the show is anyway. They said it's called The Happy Hour. Howard thought that title was pretty funny based on the way Tracey was bashing Gary.
Howard had another clip of Tracey talking about the shit sprinkle on the toilet bowl. Tracey said that they took pictures of the sprinkle and she went to Gary to talk to him about it and Gary acted like he wasn't the police of people there. Tracey said that Gary was talking to Ross at the time she brought the news to him and he went off on her later when he brought it up with Howard. Tracey said Gary was telling stories to Ross and probably talking about Bruce Springsteen or some other nonsense. She said that she's sick of Gary's nonsense stories.
Gary said Ross stops by every morning and they have a meeting every Monday. He said they talk about promotions and stuff and they may talk about other stuff during that conversation. He shouldn't have to explain that stuff to Tracey. Howard said he gets that. He said it's never all business in a meeting.
Gary said he absorbs what she has to say but she has zero respect for Ross. He said they may as well be two assholes on the street. She said that she's already got that in her head when she sees them talking.
Gary said he had to keep Tracey and Ross from killing each other the first year they were there. He said Tracey would get pissed at him for playing music too loud in his office. He said he had to ask Ross to turn it down and he defended Tracey in that argument and he's still a piece of shit. Howard got a note saying that she was the one playing music too loud. Gary said that may have been another time but the story he had was Ross playing it too loud.
Howard played another clip of Tracey going off on Gary about the ski house. Gary kept saying that the place is really tiny and he couldn't even bring all of the guys with him. He said he only invited a couple of guys up there. He has four beds, that's it.
Robin said Tracey seems to think that she belongs on this other tier that the invited guests are. Howard played more of Tracey talking about how she thinks Gary fucked up and felt guilty. She said they were all invited to the Friar's club and that was how he was making it up to them. Gary interrupted and said that he was just making a gesture to the guys to invite them out to lunch and it had nothing to do with the ski house.
Howard said maybe Gary shouldn't invite anyone to anything. Gary said there were only four beds in that place. Howard said he doesn't have to explain that to him.
Howard played more of Tracey talking about how Gary has wronged her. She was telling a story about how they had a project in the works where they were clearing out the Prophet system. She said that Gary wasn't meeting with Kevin Kraft and he lost a ton of material that they were working on.
Gary said that is not true. He said Kevin was coming to him every day and he would cover stuff every day. He said he never said he wasn't talking to Kevin. Gary said that she thinks that there's some kind of conspiracy plot there against her. Howard said he wishes that Tracey was there. Gary said he doesn't. He said he doesn't want to be at war with her. He said he'd rather put his energy into the show instead of into this fight. Gary said he is not at war even if she's declaring war on him. Gary said she can kick him the balls but he's not going to go there with her.
Robin said that when the guys there get into it the fight ends and they're over it. She asked if they can do that with Tracey. Gary said he's not sure. He said she doesn't appear to want things to get better around there.
Howard played a little more of that Tracey clip and said that she also got into it about Lisa G and Teddy the board op. Gary said Teddy may have made the mistake of saying something to Jason last night and Jason is seen as a Gary sycophant so that didn't look good to Tracey. Teddy revealed that Gary was the target for the show that night and Tracey was upset with him about that.
Howard said Tracey won't do stories with Lisa G. He played the audio of Tracey going off on Lisa. JD was in and asking her about what that was about. Howard said JD was good on that show. He wasn't mumbling. All of a sudden he was articulate. Tracey was saying that she didn't want to go there with Lisa G and it wasn't personal. She said it was work wise and she felt there were some shady things going down. Tracey then went off on Teddy about what was going on with him.
Howard said he thinks that Tracey was upset that a private conversation with Lisa G ended up on the air. That was the shady thing that was going on.
Gary said he's not sure why she has to do this stuff on her show. He said that maybe she shouldn't do the show. He said there is no performance going on there. He said that she's the same person on and off the air. Howard said people love the show.
Gary said if he were looking for a job 5 years from now he'd be embarrassed that this show was out there. He said that she's a big girl and she can do this or not do it and no one is forcing her to do what she's doing. He said she could just say she's uncomfortable doing the show.
Robin said there seems to be a double standard there. She said she hears stuff on the Wrap Up Show that's pretty harsh and she doesn't really care. Gary said this was an ambush on him. He said he would have stayed to talk to her on the air about it last night if she had wanted him to.
Howard said it's supposed to be Tracey's Happy Hour. Gary said that Tracey is the only happy one. He said everyone lives in fear of her there. He said she can be a bully at times. Howard said he's going to have to have her address that when she gets in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Tracey is a total dick. He said that it's Howard's fault too. Howard said he thinks that she's terrific on the air so maybe it is his fault. The caller asked if Gary thinks this is the way she feels about him. Gary said yes. He said he believes that she's upset with him about that stuff.
The caller said that's fucked up and he wondered why they would let that go on. Howard said that's the show. He said her show is all about doing that stuff. It does cause repercussions there. Gary said he has fought with other people there too but he will be able to work with her. He said he's not going to stop functioning. He said the show is more important than any one person there.
Another caller said Tracey should be doing this stuff face to face with Gary and not on the air. He also asked what school she went to because she doesn't seem to know many adjectives.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she was sickened by that show last night. She said that Tracey had no respect for anyone there. She said that she shouldn't be on the air with her because that would be a real show. Mariann said that she repeats the same phrases over and over again too. Howard had to hang up on her since she wouldn't stop going off on Tracey.
Another caller said Gary is a dick. He said he treated Yucko like shit too. He said he can imagine Gary making threats toward Tracey. Gary said that's not what he was doing.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing impressions of Tracey and of Mariann. The impressions were remarkable. Howard said he's such a talent. He said that he calls Ralph at home and sometimes he'll call him as Gary and Ralph believes it's Gary. Sour went into his Gary impression and it really was very good. Then he broke into his Ferrall impression and then some more Tracey.
Howard asked Sour if he can have a conversation between Gary, Tracey, Ferrall and Mariann from Brooklyn. Sour went into those impressions and changed from person to person creating a conversation. He really is amazing.
Howard had a conversation with Sour as Tracey and Mariann. Sour would switch from one to the other in a second. Howard got some sports updates from Sour Ferrall and from Sour Gary. Howard asked Sour Ferrall how his wife was doing and he would go on and on about that. Howard would have him switch over to Tracey and he'd come up with Material immediately. Howard thanked him and let him go a short time later. Robin said that was amazing. Howard said he really is good.
Gary said they have no guests today so he knows that Tracey is going to come in and beat up on him some more. He said he'd like it to be done after that.
Bobo called in and asked how Gary is going to be able to come in and work with this woman. Howard said that both of them see each other as out of control so they have to work things out. Gary said he has to have more face to face time with her and he has to respect her. Howard said he can take Gary's side in this because he tells his guys to run down and tell Tracey stuff sometimes because he's busy. Gary said that telling someone to tell someone else isn't a sign of disrespect.
Gary said Tracey is obsessed with the bathroom and she gets pissed when people drop a hair in there. He said that she's out of control with that. Howard said they have to talk to her later. Gary said he wants to wrap up this whole thing on this show and not do it again on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said they'll do the wrap up of the Happy Hour on this show and then Gary and Jon will have to wrap up this show on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said Jon looks like a wolf who just got a piece of meat. Jon said that they're definitely going to talk about this on the Wrap Up Show. Jon's voice was sounding kind of odd so Gary said that he must be sick so they can't do the show today. Howard told Jon to try lots of lemon to get rid of the voice thing. He suggested some warm water too.
Howard asked JD what was going through his mind on the show last night. JD said that he was laughing and he was actually pushing the mic away at times last night. He said that she had trouble getting angry on the first show. He was trying to help get her pissed last night. He said that he was the one who threw Teddy under the bus last night and Teddy got mad at him because he knew it was him who told her.
Howard took a call from Cyrus who said that Gary is the one who says that people don't ''get'' the show so he wondered if Gary doesn't ''get'' her show. Gary was gone already so Howard said he'd talk to him about that later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Sour Shoes thing was great. He said he was going to cancel his subscription next month but now he may have to keep it.
Howard said he's going to give Tracey 3 nights a week based on this feedback. He said that it must be tough for her to be the office manager and deal with this. He said it was good stuff though. Howard said he had never heard of Sporcle before. He said he didn't know that Gary was playing that game too.
Howard said he heard that Robin was yelled at about her fake eyelashes. Robin asked if she left them around or something. Robin said they may come off and she may not throw them out. JD said it was just an annoyance and it wasn't anything major. It was something about the bathroom and Robin leaving the lashes in there. Howard said maybe Tracey's access should be limited for that bathroom.
Tracey Millman Talks Out Her Issues With Gary. 04/27/10. 8:05am
Howard said Tracey got a lot of mail about her show last night. Gary said Tracey is there now and Gary said it was awkward talking to her when she came in to talk about business. He said he told her to save the conversation for the air.
Howard said that maybe he'll bring Tracey in and get this all out. He asked Tracey to come in to talk about her show. He said he thinks she did a good show. He said it may not be healthy for the office environment though.
Howard asked Tracey if it's awkward for her today. Tracey said she was up a lot last night because she was upset. Howard said that's the show though. She gets the poison out, so to speak. Howard said it must cause some odd feelings the next day though. Tracey said it does.
Gary said that he was upset by it. Tracey said anyone would be. She said that she and Gary did talk about the refrigerator and Gary just doesn't remember. She said that it's not what Gary says, it's the way he says it. She said that he treats her differently than everyone else there. Gary said Tracey seems to feel wronged by the whole world and not just him. She said that's not true.
Gary said that Tracey does a great job but people are afraid of her. He said it's probably not a healthy way to run the office. He said she's very good at what she does though. Tracey said she's not sure who said that to him but she hangs out with people from the office and she gets to know people like that.
Tracey said the only person she isn't speaking to is Benjy. Gary said that he's not the only person she's stopped talking to.
Howard asked if it's worth continuing this show if she's in this position of being the office manager and doing this radio show.
Tracey said she thinks that Gary doesn't listen to her and she can't talk about this stuff off the air. Gary asked if he stops by her office once a week to ask her what she's up to. She said it's not weekly. He said that Gary has stopped by like 3 times.
Howard said that Gary was telling them about the ski house and how small it was. He said that the reason he didn't invite her is because it's so small. Howard said he gets that. Tracey said the way things go with Gary in the office it's all a secret and they all find out about it at the last minute. Tracey said that it's always the people on the outside who find out later. Gary said that Tracey has this complex where she thinks the world is out to get her. He said he's not making it a secret. He said he doesn't tell people not to tell Tracey if he's having a party.
Gary said that it is Tracey and it's not him. Tracey said she's had conversations with other people who feel the way she does. Gary said that there is no in between with her and you're either with her or against her.
Howard said he loves the radio but maybe for work it's not so good. Gary said that she's already fucked over her boss and it won't be as bad as this if she does another show.
Tracey said she was told by Tim that she had to be angrier. She said that if she's going to get fucked the next day then it's not worth it. She said that she's doing what she was asked and now she's the asshole. Gary said no one is making her do anything. He said that if she doesn't want to do the show then she shouldn't do it. Tracey said it's not fun.
Gary asked Tracey what she thought would be fun for him last night. Tracey said that she spoke to Scott off the air about their problems. Gary said that he didn't think she was fair to him on the show last night. He said he has explanations for the stuff that she was going off on him about.
Howard told Tracey that Gary has to use the guys in the office to tell her stuff sometimes. Tracey said he understands that. Gary said he doesn't think she does because she was going off on him last night about it. Tracey said that she'll ask about a meeting being canceled and no one told her about it. She said that Gary needs to tell her that stuff himself. Gary said that she's more upset about who is telling her about it. Gary said she must feel that she's being addressed by underlings. Tracey said that's not it and Gary should be telling her about that.
Howard said that the show was a home run. He said it's up to her if she wants to do it anymore. Gary said he thinks that she has a part two of him to go off on. Tracey said she's done with Gary. Howard said everyone loves the show. Tracey said she just gave up smoking so she can't deal with this shit.
Howard said when he quit smoking he had just broken his ankle so that had him laid up. He said there was nothing worse than sitting down and doing nothing without a smoke.
Howard said the shocking thing is that Tracey wants to hang out with Gary. Tracey said Gary is interesting to talk to. She said she does enjoy his company but if it's a struggle to get it, it's not worth the struggle.
Tracey said that she used to work for a guy who was like family to her. She said that she doesn't have that there and she feels bad about that. She said she'd like to have someone she can go to like she used to have.
Howard asked Tracey if she's going to keep doing the show. Tracey said she thinks she's done with the people back there in the office. Howard asked Gary if he's going to get past this. Gary said they'll work through it. He said he's very hurt by this whole thing. He said it's like an open wound right now.
Howard said he gets blamed for a lot of stuff on the air that he doesn't even know he said. Tracey said that's what it was like for her. She said she was wondering if she had said some stuff or just thought about it.
Gary said he read that email last night about how he was an elitist, homophobic, racist and he didn't know what Tracey had said about him. He said he was up at 10:45 looking to see if there was more insight into that. He couldn't sleep because of that.
Gary and Tracey said that they think that they'll work things out eventually. Gary said it may depend on if Howard signs on for more time there. If Howard doesn't re-sign then they may just leave it the way it is. Howard said he still has 8 months there and he's not sure if he's going to re-sign. Howard said it's like a whole year left and he doesn't even have any offers on the table. Gary wondered if Howard would be upset if they started finding jobs in September. Howard said he wouldn't mind that. He said he can't answer the question right now. Howard said even he doesn't know what he wants to do. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said it's really not up to him.
Tracey said that Howard is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. Howard said maybe he should announce that he's leaving, but he doesn't know if he is. Gary said there are very talented people who have had a hard time finding jobs. He said they had a guy there who was out of work for 18 months when he left. Howard said he's not sure what he's supposed to do. Robin laughed at him for saying that. Howard said he can't say he's going to have a job there in 8 months. Robin said it is up to him and he has to stop this now. Howard asked who he's supposed to sign with.
Gary asked if there are any talks going on. Howard said there are no talks. Howard said they did offer to talk to him. He said he's not talking. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. It's very complicated. Howard said he knows what he wants to do. He wants to stick his head in an oven.
Gary thinks that Howard wants to stay but on his own terms. Howard said that is simple yet very complicated. He asked Gary why he wasn't invited to the ski house. Gary asked Howard why he isn't talking to someone if he knows what he wants. Robin said that he should be talking. Howard said there are other situations involved now. He said it's not that simple and they have a lot to sort out.
Howard said he respects that people are annoyed. He said that he could be out of the business or he could be doing something exciting and new with all of them involved. Howard said he doesn't know... He just doesn't know.
Gary said his wife just recently said that they should have Tracey, Richard and Sal up to the house. He said he may have to put that off for a couple of weeks. Howard said he's been there and it's fine. Fred said he's been there twice and it's very nice. Gary said one of those times was when they went to visit Artie. Howard told Tracey that she missed out on two trips to Gary's house. Howard told Tracey that she should stay out of Gary's life. It sounds better on paper.
Howard said that Tracey did a good job last night. Gary said that he feels like she's kind of like Pat Cooper who lets out everything. He said some people think she's going to die of a heart attack. He said he thinks that she's going to be like Pat and live forever because they don't hold anything in.
Benjy asked why Tracey still has issues with him. Tracey doesn't want to talk to him and she refused to go out to lunch with him to talk it out. Benjy said she seems so angry at him and he wants to know what the problem is. Tracey asked if she's supposed to do cartwheels down the hallway for him. Gary said Benjy was barking at her on the Wrap Up Show. Benjy said that Tracey was bashing someone he was dating at the time when he was barking at her.
Howard said that this show might be too much. He said that it's a great show though. Howard said he thinks that they should give the show a rest. It's too hard and too crazy. Gary said they'll work things out. Howard said Gary should have her to the house. That led to them talking about the ski house again. Gary said Jason had a good time up there even though he didn't ski. He said he had the best time up there even without skiing.
Howard thanked Tracey and Gary for coming in. Tracey said she was done talking about this and she won't be on the Wrap Up Show talking about it again.
Howard thought that he did a good job moderating with them. Robin said he didn't do anything and they're still in the same position they were in. Howard said he had more to talk about but he has to take a break.
Howard said they never know until the last minute what they're going to be doing. He said he knows he won't be signing on to do another 5 years. He said that's enough of that. Robin said Mel says he needs to know so he can plan. Howard said Mel wants a 20 year contract. He said he's complimented but the long contracts aren't fun to count down. He said he wants to do other things like the one man Ted Kennedy Broadway show. That led to him doing his Kennedy impression and saying that he was going to do a 2 hour long one man show.
Gary came back in and said that the Howard TV camera guy asked them if the wanted to hug it out. He said they both said no and went their separate ways.
Howard took a call from a guy who was asking about the invitation thing and how people get hurt. Howard said that happens all the time. He said they can't invite everyone to everything and people are going to get hurt.
The caller said he's seen some of the behind the scenes stuff that goes on up there and he's not sure how Gary controls it. Howard said he does have a tough job.
The guys talked about how tough it can be to work with people. Gary said he thinks that he has a better relationship with Tracey than he does with JD. He said JD doesn't seem to care as much though.
Another caller said he thinks that Beth is pregnant and this is why he's saying he's not sure if he's coming back. Howard said he wants to be a stay at home dad now. Howard said if Beth gets pregnant then he's going to sign on for another 25 years. He wouldn't want to be home if he had a kid there. Howard said that's hard work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to know why Gary thinks he's so great. He said that he built his career off of sucking Howard's ass and now he's stomping on Tracey. He said he comes off like he's a know it all and he's really not. The caller thinks he has to be taken down a few notches.
Another caller said Tracey is the poison there in the office. He said she's the one that has to get out. He said that Gary is the nice guy there and it's no wonder that Benjy was barking at her. He said she's the poison and if she wasn't there then the whole office element would be better. He said every office has someone like her there. Howard jokingly said that was Lucas Dell'Abate calling in.
Bobo asked if Tracey has any true friends or are they all afraid to say anything to her. Bobo said he's frightened of her and he's just on the phone. Bobo said most people would fly off the handle with her but not Gary.
Howard said he saw the Pink ''Diary'' on MTV and thought that her childhood was pretty messed up. Howard spent some time on that subject and found out her father was a Vietnam Vet. Her parents broke up when she was 7 or 8. She lived with her mother for a while but she was always in trouble.
Howard said Gary thought Pink was a lesbian but she said she's not. She told Howard she once played a game of spin the bottle and she kissed Christina Aguilera but that was it. She has a boyfriend now who's a Freestyle Motocross dude by the name of Carey Hart. She didn't want to give out his whole name but once she gave a couple of details Stuttering John did some research and found out his full name. All of the guys made fun of her dating motocross rider for a while.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play the game but something else came up that was more interesting to him. He'd asked Pink how long it takes for a guy to get in her pants. She told him it takes a long time and it could be 6 or 7 months before the guy gets sex. Howard ended up talking to her about that for a while and found out that Carey hasn't gotten any yet. Howard asked her if she at least gives the guy oral but she wouldn't give an answer to that question. She said that she doesn't like to get really emotional, like she does when she's having sex, until she really gets to know a guy. Howard told her that's like torture for a guy. She said she'll even sleep with the guy and not have sex with him. She said some guys can do that without wanting sex. Howard told her no guy can do that, it's just no possible.
After a really long interview Howard moved on to play the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Pink before wrapping up the very long interview. Pink's new album ''Missundaztood'' is available now.
Robin's News. 06/24/13. 9:30am
Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody by Psych. Gary asked Robin what her purpose is. Robin said she has failed. Gary said he doesn't think she has. Robin said she has. Robin said she's one of the few who had a choice about it. Howard said she evolved and didn't do it. Robin said maybe there's something wrong with her.
Howard said there's a scene in The Godfather that had horrible music in it. He said that music they play for Robin reminds him of that. Gary said he can try to get that music pulled for him. Howard told him to try. Gary ran off to get that done.
Howard asked if Robin watched Nik Wallenda last night. Robin said she knew he was going to make it. Howard said he's the guy who walked across Niagara Falls last year. Last night he walked across the Grand Canyon. Howard said the guy is praising Jesus the whole time he's out there. Howard played some audio from last night's show where he was saying ''Thank you Jesus'' over and over again. Howard said it sounds like him before every show. Howard let the clip play and Nik was praising Jesus the whole time. Howard said his dad was in the background telling him how things were going.
Robin said that they were going on about how the wind was whipping up and she knew that they were jerking her around. Howard said that you'd think the father would just whisk him out of there. Howard said you can tell the kid hates his father. He said that Nik is annoyed with his dad. Fred said the dad is the one who sets up the wires. Howard said he gets real snippy with his dad. Howard played a clip where Nik told his dad to talk all he wants until he's out there.
Howard played some of the music from The Godfather that reminded him of the music Robin got down in Guatemala. Robin said the sound was better in her recording than it was in the movie. Fred played some of the music Robin got when she was in Peru. The music was awful. Robin said it sounds like how Gary plays trumpet.
Robin started her news talking about Nik Wallenda being on the Today show. Robin said Nik says that he wasn't ready for the movement of the cable last night. Robin had some audio of him talking to them about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Fred to play both of those music clips. The one from Godfather and one from Guatemala. Howard asked Gary if he wanted to come in and play trumpet along with the clip. Gary said he would. He came in a short time later and played along. Howard said it didn't sound that bad. Howard and Robin were cracking up at his performance. Howard said it's fun to play along. Gary said it's finally someone he can jam along with. Fred played the Peru music and the Guatemala music and Gary tried playing along to them. Howard told Gary where to play so he tried but he wasn't having much luck keeping it going.
In another clip Robin read a story about a child who was locked in a closet by her parents. Stuttering John was in and Howard joked about how the child's best friend was probably a coat hanger. He was joking about how she was sick of counting shoes and things like that.
In another clip, from August 11, 2009, Robin read a story about Eunice Shriver dying. Here's what I wrote that day: Robin got back to her news. She read a story about Eunice Shriver's death. That led to Howard doing his Ted Kennedy impression for a few minutes. Artie and Fred got in on that too. They were all doing their Kennedy impressions while talking about the Shriver family and the Kennedy family.
In another clip Robin read a story about a reverend approaching some undercover cops about having sex in a bathroom. Jackie started cracking up when he heard some of the details of the story. Billy West was doing his Dr. Smith (From Lost in Space) voice saying ''Oh dear!'' and goofing around with the story.
Here's my rundown of a clip they played from June 21, 2010: Robin finally got to her news and started off with a story about body waxing and how dangerous it can actually be. She said that there was something going on in England and some construction workers did this charity event and got waxed and one guy had 8 inches of skin pulled off near his testicles. It took of 6 of 7 layers of skin and came close to his testicles. Howard said that's awful and his testicles are tingling hearing that story. Howard wanted Fred to play some audio of Richard getting waxed. Fred eventually found some of that and played it. The sounds he made were pretty funny. Fred played a few clips of those Richard sounds.
In another clip Robin read about Martha Raye dying. Robin had some audio of Martha's TV show. Gary came in and said they had a personal message from Mark Harris who had asked them to let her go with dignity. Gary gave out the information for her memorial services. Howard talked about how Mark had a disco room built in her house even though Martha couldn't use it herself. Howard and the guys talked about Mark Harris for a little bit too. Howard played the audio from Martha's TV show too. Howard and the guys were goofing on Mark after that. Howard wanted to send a card and told Gary to have it made as big as possible. He said he wanted it real big and make sure it had an ad for Private Parts the movie. Howard said he is dead serious too. He said he likes Mark and he's sure he's grieving. Howard said goodbye to Martha Raye too.
Today's vacation special was over around 10:40am.
Robin's Big Birthday Party At Jackie's House. 8/11/97. 6:20am
Howard spent a while talking about the big birthday bash that Jackie's wife Nancy threw for Robin. The thing took place at one of Jackie's three homes. There were so many things going on at that party that it was hard to keep track. The house is near the water and according to General Manager Tom Chiusano there was some kind of disgusting algae floating in the water. There was also something that resembled toilet paper floating in it. Jackie had a nice cake made for Robin. It was 2 big breasts but the nipples were stuck to the inside of the box. Jackie and Nancy were both extremely drunk. There was no food to munch on so some people went out to eat. They did make some food but it wasn't until about 9 or 10 o'clock. Jackie didn't have any propane to cook with so it took forever to cook the 100 lobsters that he had. This was all according to Howard's account of the party. Everyone there had a story of their own to tell though. It must have been quite a site.
Riley Martin Pissing In A Jug Explained. 04/25/07. 10:25am
Riley Martin called in and complained about Howard not promoting his show. Howard didn't pay any attention to that and asked Riley about the pissing into the gallon jug in front of his producer on the show. Riley asked if he would rather have him piss into a 5 gallon jug instead. Howard said he could go to the bathroom instead. He heard that Riley pisses into a jug outside of SIRIUS too when he's there. Riley joked that he had pissed in his water cooler.
Riley asked who told him that but refused to say if he had actually done it or not. He said he's seen people pissing on other people's heads on his TV show so he doesn't see what the big deal is. Riley ended up going off on Howard again and calling him a cheap bastard as he does almost every time he calls in. He said that Howard is the one who isn't paying him even though he's making like $700 million there. Howard said that he gets paid what he gets paid and Riley gets paid what he gets.
Gary said that Riley just signed a one year contract to do shows for $400 a week and he can't imagine why he's upset. Riley said that the contract can be nullified if he wants to leave at any time. He said he'd just like to get some promotion on Howard's show once in a while.
Riley said he doesn't know what the big deal is when he takes a leak when there are just men in the room. Howard said that no one wants to see him taking a piss. He asked Riley what the jug is and where he bought it. Riley was very defensive and went off on Howard after every question he asked. He just wanted to understand why a guy would piss in a jug in his own house when he has a perfectly good bathroom that he could use. Riley still wasn't giving them an answer.
Riley was goofing on Howard about how he had lost his credibility once his book went down to 79 cents in the bargain bin. Howard told Riley he sold over a million books and asked him how many he sold. Riley said he's sold a few and said ''None the less...'' and continued to goof on Howard. Riley went off on Robin for a little while as well calling her some names.
Howard asked Riley for a simple answer for a simple question... ''Why do you piss in a jug?'' Riley just wouldn't answer the question. He asked him to stop sending his spies to his house. He also continued to complain about the pay he's getting and said that Howard could tell them to pay him more and they'd pay it. Howard said that he has no control over that. He said he's told them to pay Riley as much as they possibly can and that's all he can do. Riley thinks that's bullshit and he has total control over that.
Riley finally told Howard that years ago he broke his leg and had a knee and hip replacement on one side of his body so going up and down the stairs is tough for him. That's why he pisses in the jug.
Gary told Howard that he had this guy Don Kaplan on the phone. He's a reporter who actually saw Riley pissing in a jug in a garage near SIRIUS. Howard asked Riley what was up with that. Riley said that he wasn't able to find a bathroom there when he got into the city so that's why he pissed in the jug. Don said he just happened to bump into Riley in the garage and Riley tried to sell him his book.
Riley claimed that there are millions of people who drive around with piss jugs in their cars. Howard asked him if he shits in a jug too. Fred, doing his Riley impression, said ''I shit in my wallet...'' Robin asked Riley if the Aliens know that he pisses in a jug. He asked her if Mr. X knows where she pisses. Artie told him that he doesn't know anymore.
Howard told Riley that he really has no control over what they pay him there. Riley said he still doesn't believe that. He has tried to get in touch with Mel Karmazin but he's never gotten through to him before. He said someone claimed he had but that is untrue... uhhh. Riley told Robin that loneliness is a bitch and she's going to be very lonely. Howard played some Riley song parodies while he was going off on her.
Riley asked Howard if he believes if he didn't have a million dollars, would his current girlfriend even let him clean her toilet. Howard said yes and let Riley get in a plug for his show which airs Tuesday nights at Midnight. Howard asked Riley one more time about how he cleans his piss jug but Riley wouldn't answer that question. Howard also told Riley that he's not going to quit his job just so he can get paid better. Riley said that the public has shown him that they love his show and he should see that and do something about paying him. Howard let him go after playing another Riley song parody.
Artie's Many Arrests, E-mail And More. 01/09/04. 7:45am
After the break Howard read a story about a 49 year old teacher who had a relationship with an 11 year old. Howard said that it was surprising to see that it was a female teacher. He read that the 11 year old and his brother would sleep over at the teacher's house. He said he'd stop right there. No kid should be sleeping over at his teacher's house. The article said that the teacher was caught when authorities listened in on a phone call the teacher had with the kid. She apparently told the kid to lie about the relationship. Howard said there were a few teachers that he liked when he was 11 years old. He said there were also some who he wouldn't have touched at that age. He said his second grade teacher, Miss Denmark, was really hot. There was also Miss Bizjak who he liked. Then there was Miss Weinstock who he said he would have loved to have banged when he was about 7.
Gary came in and said that there was one teacher who used to hang with her students. He said they all thought they could bang her but they didn't even know what banging was at the time. Howard said he had some teachers who would dress so you could see her panties and stuff. Gary said he had a teacher like that as well. Howard went on to talk about his Spanish teacher and how boring that class was. He said the stuff they would talk about was really boring.
Howard read a story about Tom Green on the internet. He's apparently over in Iraq to help relieve the stress. Howard wondered if he's relieving his own stress or their stress. Robin wondered if that's the best entertainment they can get for him over there. Howard said that he likes Tom but that ''Freddy Got Fingered'' movie was bad.
Howard read a story about Rosie O'Donnell and how she's going to have the first ''gay cruise with family values.'' He said she just won't go away. Howard read the article and said they're going to have seminars on adoption and stuff like that on the cruise. Artie started to do his George Takei impression saying ''Believe it or not I'm on the Rosie O'Donnell cruise.'' They goofed on that for a couple of minutes.
There was another story about Mountain Lions out in Los Angeles. A woman was attacked out there and was dragged by her face into the brush. Howard said that's why he only rides a Mountain bike in the streets of the city. He would never go into the mountains and get attacked by a Mountain lion.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if it was true that there's a picture in Us magazine where a guy's ball sack is hanging out. Howard said it's true and he saw it. Artie said one of his high school buddies showed one of his balls in a picture and it made it into the year book.
Howard said he got a letter from a guy who said that Artie once tried to rob a bank. Artie said he did get arrested for that one time. He said he did it as a joke to try and hit on this cute chick at the bank. Artie said he wrote that he had a gun and wanted her to put $50,000 in a bag. Artie said he signed his name to it figuring that she would think it was funny. She tripped the silent alarm in the mean time and started to stack up some money for him. Artie said he told her it was just a joke and took the note and crumpled it up. He left with his girlfriend and just missed the SWAT team showing up at the bank. Artie said that an hour later he was playing whiffle ball in the back yard with his buddies. A short time later he got a phone call from his girlfriend's house and they freaked out on them. Artie said he had to surrender and got arrested for the crime. Artie said he spent the night in jail and ended up getting the bank robbery charge down to a misdemeanor. He ended up having to go to court with his grandfather because his father had fallen and injured himself.
Artie said the judge read the note he wrote on the bank slip to him and embarrassed him. He was sentenced to do a bunch of stuff for the city. Artie said that it made it to the paper but he was a juvenile so they couldn't use his name. They did use his girlfriend's name though because she was 18 at the time. He said she broke up with him after that. They're still friendly but don't talk much these days.
Howard asked him how many times he's been arrested in his life. He said he was arrested maybe 10 times in his life for various stuff. He said he hasn't been arrested in about 8 years now. Howard said he's always thinking that Artie is normal but he's not. Howard didn't think there was much of a joke in that note he wrote.
Gary wondered what the other arrests were for. Artie said there were two DUIs... He said the last one was in 1993. He said his mother had to come pick him up that night. He said she was smacking him in the back of the head after that. Then one time he got into a food fight at a Burger King where he got into a scuffle with another guy. He got arrested by the State Police for that one. Then there was a bar fight where he was in a bar and a guy started yelling at him. He threw a beer at the guy and the bouncers threw him out. They smashed his face into their knee. He ended up at the hospital and passed out. He was going to blow off work the next day at the restaurant his sister got him a job at. She didn't let him blow it off so he went in and as he was taking an order, his nose started to bleed. The woman at the table started to scream so he ended up getting fired.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that it sounds like Artie really did want to rob that bank back then. Artie said he really didn't want to rob it, he thought he was just flirting with the chick behind the counter. Another caller said that Artie is a real degenerate and asked if they do background checks on people before they hire them. Howard said they obviously don't.
Gary said that Artie has had some low points in his life. They were starting to talk about that but there was a loud thud in the studio. It turned out to be a bunch of tools that fell out of the ceiling. Gary said that one of the E! cameras just flipped over as well. Howard spent a couple more minutes on that stuff and then took a break.
To Cheat Or Not To Cheat. 04/19/05. 7:25am
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that his wife has stomach cancer and she's going through chemotherapy right now. She's bald and the guy said he's just not attracted to her without hair. Howard said this guy is being honest and saying that he's still in love with the woman but he can't get into her now. The guy said that he can't even go to the hospital with her because he's so creeped out. He can't make love to her because of this so he hasn't been with her for 8 months. The guy said that he has a phobia about all of this stuff. He suggested to her that she get a wig but she was offended by that. The guy told his wife that his needs weren't being met so he wanted to hook up with another girl with his wife's permission. Howard asked the guy how long he's been married. The caller said it's been about 3 years now. He claims that he's not going to fall in love with any of these girls but Artie asked him how he knows that. He didn't answer. He said that he already asked his wife about having sex with these women and she said no. The guy claims to have three women that he's met, ready to have sex with him but Robin doesn't seem to think that's possible.
Another caller told Howard that he knows just how this guy is feeling because he went through something similar. He was able to get through it by drinking a lot of alcohol. That caller said that it was almost like being with a dude because the woman is bald. Howard talked to the first guy and said that he should have just banged a chick and not told his wife about it. She doesn't need to be upset by something like that. Howard let a few more callers through to yell at the guy. Most of the people didn't sympathize with him about it. The guy ended up asking one of the women who called in what she looked like and if she wanted to hook up. She sounded kind of offended by that question and ended up putting her friend on the phone. Howard took some more phone calls and one guy said that this woman is going to suffer through the cancer and then she may have to go through a divorce when this guy cheats on her. The caller says that he's not going to get a divorce, his wife is too weak to go through something like that.
King of All Blacks called in and said that it's not the guy's fault that his wife got cancer, it's her fault. He said that it should be okay for this guy to have sex with another woman. He told the guy that the only mistake he made was telling his wife about wanting to do it. Howard wondered if this guy is going to be able to make it through the chemotherapy without having sex with another woman. Robin told the guy that he might want to leave his wife out of the decision about whether or not to have sex with another woman. The guy admitted that he looks kind of like Artie so he's not the best looking guy around. He said he really does want his wife to get better but he still has those needs that she just can't help him out with. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that this guy has to stand by his wife and at least go to the hospital with her. The guy said that he can't go because he has a phobia about the place though. Howard told the guy that he should just suck it up and have sex with his bald wife. The guy says he just can't do that though. Another guy called in and said that this guy is out of control and he has no idea what his wife is going through. The guy said that his wife's mother probably hates him now because of all of this stuff. He can't help that though and doesn't seem to care much about that. He just wants to be able to sleep with another woman while his wife is sick. Howard let him go after a 20 minute discussion. He had to go to break after that.
Ted Nugent Vs. Sam Simon. 02/14/07. 8:50am
After the break Howard said that Artie was out sleeping on the couch in the green room. He wondered what he does the rest of the day that makes him so tired. Artie came back into the studio a short time later and said that he's just so excited for Howard...
Doug Goodstein told Howard they have a bed set up for Artie if he wants to take a nap. Artie said it felt so good to nap in there. Howard had Ted Nugent on the line. Ted didn't know that he was engaged so Robin filled him in. Ted congratulated him on that.
Howard said he wanted to sum up what they wanted to talk to him about. He said that they wanted to send Artie out hunting with Richard's father. Artie may not be able to hunt because he was a convicted felon. Ted said that's true but he can hunt with a bow instead of a gun.
Howard had Sam Simon on the phone because he was against this whole hunting thing. Ted and Sam said their hello's and then Howard told Ted about this letter that Sam sent him about what happens when an animal is wounded by a bow. Howard asked Sam to give the argument why they shouldn't bow hunt. Sam said that it's hunting in general that he's against. He said that many animals are wounded and don't die so they suffer. Ted said that all of his animals have been dead, he can't eat them live.
Ted said that even eagles that hunt for fish wound about 80 percent of the fish they try to catch. Ted said that only about 10 percent of the hunted game are wounded and keep going. He said that animals can wound each other even worse during mating season. Sam said that hunters have logic that doesn't make any sense. He though that what Ted was talking about was kind of crazy and he doesn't want more suffering going on in this world than there needs to be.
Ted said that if you look at wild animals as cartoon characters, then don't go hunting. Ted said that he hunts to feed his family. He doesn't just do it for fun. Ted and Sam ended up arguing the whole hunting thing. Neither of them are going to budge on their stance. Howard said it is kind of sad to see the animals hurt the way they do.
Sam asked Ted if he eats leopards when he hunts them. Ted said he has. Sam talked about how he's actually saved some leopards from being shot in these controlled hunting events because they have no way to get away. They're stuck in an enclosure where the hunters can just shoot them in the open. Ted told Sam that he's full of shit and out of his mind. He accused him of lying about that stuff. Sam said he's seen it for himself so he's absolutely not lying.
Ted said that he has hunted zebra, elephant and many other things. He said that the meat they get is given to people who need to eat across this country. They hunt deer for those people. Sam said that they do that just so they have an excuse to kill more deer.
Sam said that Ted makes an enormous amount of money from this hunting he does. He said the guy makes money off DVDs and stuff like that so he's not just hunting for food. Ted told Sam to suck his dick after hearing that. He said that the money he makes goes to help kids and various charities. Sam said that maybe Ted gives away his money but there are people making money on the hunting.
Howard was checking out some pictures on Ted's web site (TNugent.com) where he shows his kills. They had one of a zebra and a buffalo. Sam didn't understand why he would want to go out and do this stuff.
Artie said he didn't know it was going to go this far with the whole hunting thing. Ted told Artie he'd take him bow hunting and he'd have a great time. Sam said that Artie barely gets outside so he's not sure how he's going to go hunting.
Howard said that Ted does make a good argument for why he hunts. Sam didn't think that was true. He said that these people take pleasure in killing these animals. Sam said that the most killed animal in his country is the morning dove and no one eats them. Ted said that's not true, people do eat those birds all the time. Ted said that the habitat can only sustain so many animals and they do have to kill them.
Ted said that he has some Vegan friends that come to his house and eat with him. He said he has no problem with people who don't eat meat. He'd even prepare Sam a salad if he wanted. He wondered if Sam would make him a steak if he came to his house. Sam said he absolutely would. Ted said that was a step in the right direction.
Howard said he gets why Sam is against the hunting thing. Sam doesn't think that they should enjoy going out to kill these animals. Sam said he has no problem with Richard Christy's father killing animals because he has to eat. He doesn't have a lot of money, he does it to survive. Artie asked why Sam would have a problem with him going hunting with Mr. Christy. Sam said that Richard's dad has to do it to survive, Artie doesn't.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to go hunting or not now that he's heard these arguments. Artie said he will go if he can shoot a gun. He will not do it if he can only use a bow. He said it would be a waste of time if he went bow hunting because he would be horrible. Artie said he would feel horrible if he went out to do something like that and ended up just injuring an animal. Ted said he wouldn't want him hunting with a bow unless he could prove he could kill with a clean shot.
Howard played a clip of Richard's dad talking about the road kill that they've eaten. He said if they see it freshly killed, they'll pick it up and take it home. Ted said that he's saved some road kill to eat himself. Howard said that he's more on Sam's side in this whole thing. Ted said that's okay, because there are plenty of people out there who will kill them for him.
Howard wondered if Ted would kill a person if it was legalized. Ted said he's not into cannibalism so he would not do that. Howard let the two of them go after that. Ted told Sam to have a Tofu dream as he was getting off the line.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ted Nugent is a dick head and pointed out that we're intruding on the animal's space so that's why it seems they're over populated. Another guy said that Sam Simon has his head up his ass about hunting. Howard said that Sam actually does something really cool and saves dogs that are on death row and trains them to help deaf kids with his Sam Simon Foundation.
The caller told Howard that hunting is a sport and a way of life. He said that up in Vermont, that's the way people live up there. Gary asked how it's a sport if the animal doesn't have a gun too. The caller said that the animals know that they're playing a game and he guarantees that. The guy was also saying that felons are allowed to hunt up there in Vermont with a muzzle loader. He said he was able to shoot two deer back to back within minutes with one of those guns himself.
Howard said that Artie can't even stay awake, he's not going hunting. Artie said he'll end up going out to Kansas and going to Burger King. Another caller asked Howard if they're going to have full coverage of his marriage on Howard TV. Howard said he doesn't think he'll be doing any of that stuff. He's not as open as Bubba with that stuff. He said they will have some coverage of Beth's ring and what happened this morning though.
Artie said that he'll let the guys know if he can go hunting and shoot a gun. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He can't imagine doing that himself. Robin said she used to have to dissect frogs when she was in school and they had to keep them alive as they were dissecting them. She said that was really tough to do. Artie said it's probably just not a good idea for him to go hunting.
Howard had to go to break after that but he played a prank call that Sal made to a pizza place trying to order a pizza from a train station. Sal had to use two computers to make that call happen. He'd give his order but a train horn would go off each time he gave the order. The pizza place told him ''Fuck you and your pizza order, I don't need this during lunch!'' and hung up on him.
Howard asked Artie what's up with him being so tired during the show. Artie said he thinks it could be his weight. The Howard TV guys showed him laying on the couch and trying to get up from his nap. The guys all laughed and said he looks like a pregnant woman trying to get up. Even Artie couldn't believe it and said ''Holy shit!'' when he saw himself trying to get up off the couch. Richard said that he woke Artie up with an air horn, that's why he jumped in that clip. Gary said that Artie fell asleep the other day when he was talking to him during a break. Howard went to break after that. Fred played them out with Howard and Beth singing karaoke to ''Close to You.''
KC's Problems With Jessica Hahn And Her Assistant. 02/06/06. 9:00am
After the break we heard the ''Booey Maguire'' song parody featuring Gary's infamous ''apology'' tape where he begged his girlfriend to come back to him. Howard cut it off and said he's got too much stuff to get through to sit through that whole song.
Howard had KC Armstrong, former associate producer for the show, and Jessica Hahn's assistant Laurie on the phone. He said there was a news report about KC giving Laurie a watch as collateral for some money he borrowed. Howard said he heard from KC who said that he would never give up the watch that Howard gave him as collateral. He said the whole story was blown out of proportion. KC was having some throat problems so Howard had to ask him to clear that out for him. KC hocked up something and said he spit it into his dip cup to get rid of it. He's now chewing tobacco.
Laurie told Howard that she did get KC's watch and she knows what it looks like because he gave it to her. KC said that she probably just called them to get on the air. Laurie said she called the news department to let them know about this because she wanted to get her money back. KC borrowed $300 from her and she thought he was coming back the next day to give her the money. He didn't come back for 4 days. Laurie was upset that KC was treating her like a psycho when he was the one who gave up the watch.
Howard figures that Laurie was pressuring him into giving the money back but KC insists that she was just looking for air time because he did pay her back. Howard asked Laurie why she would loan him the money in the first place. She wasn't sure why she did that.
Jessica Hahn also called in and asked KC not to lie about this stuff. She wasn't there at the time but she was on the phone with Laurie at the time. She said that she heard about what went on and backed up Laurie's story. KC is claiming that he didn't borrow $300, he borrowed $140. Then Laurie said that he gave her back $180 so that wasn't true either. KC told Howard he didn't want to call in because he knows that they're just looking for air time.
Robin wondered why KC was borrowing money but still riding around in a limo. KC said that he was going to tell them the whole story. He said that Jessica's assistant sent him a text message where she said ''Lets fuck'' but it sounded like he was joking around and Jessica said that he was doing just that. Howard asked Jessica if she was willing to come in and ride the Sybian. Jessica said she has to think about it a little longer because her boyfriend might have a problem with it. Howard told her that no one is listening anyway so she shouldn't worry about it.
Gary came in and said that he and KC had a conversation last week and KC told him that Jessica gave him a hand job. Jessica said that KC was just being silly now. Howard asked KC if that was the case, it might get Jessica in trouble with her boyfriend. Jessica tried to defend herself and said that she was going to talk about why he was actually fired from the show. She didn't want to talk about it on the air though because it involved someone else. Howard didn't want them to bring anyone else into that so he stopped them from talking about it.
Howard asked KC how he ended up in a bathtub with Jessica Hahn where she allegedly gave him a hand job. KC said that it was really nice. KC asked Robin if she knows him as a liar. She said she doesn't but Fred came in and said that KC's last few months at K-Rock was all about deception and lies so he is kind of known as a liar. KC said that might be but he's really not a liar.
Jessica and Laurie had one version of the story and KC had another. Richard Christy called in as Rusty Pecker and said that he got a hand job from KC too. Howard lost Jessica so he asked the guys to get her back on. KC then went on to tell his side of the story. He said they all went to Jack in the Box for some food and he didn't have any on him. He said that Laurie gave him the money to borrow and he said he was going to pay her back on Monday. Laurie said that KC was lying about this and wanted him to tell the truth.
KC said that he was looking to get a blow job from Laurie that night. He said he messed around with her that night and that they had messed around in the past. Laurie said that she has never had sex with KC before. KC said that's true but she did blow him. Howard wanted to fly all three of them in so they could take lie detector tests. KC went on to say that he got Laurie's pants off that night and as soon as Laurie heard that she flipped out.
Bobo called in and said that KC has to be delusional because he's actually believing Laurie's story. KC got back to the story and said that he got her pants off and there was this odor... Laurie said that he's obviously just doing this for radio. He said that this has happened to him before but not with Laurie.
KC said that he was upset that Howard wouldn't let him tell his side of the story. Howard said he wanted to hear it but Laurie and Jessica were talking over him a bit. KC got back to his story and said that after he caught the smell, he figured he had to get out of there. Then she showed him this little shrine he had of Howard and his daughter. Howard wondered how she would have something like that. Laurie said that she has a folder of pictures of Howard and Jessica but nothing of Howard's daughter... and she has no shrine.
Howard said this was all getting silly. KC said that he paid Laurie back and got his watch back on Wednesday. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this was all bullshit and they should move on. Howard figured they'd be hearing more news stories on Howard 100 News about this whole thing. Howard asked Jessica if she will ever give KC another hand job. She said she'll never do that again. Howard was ready to move on so he said if KC is telling the truth, he's sorry to hear this. KC said he's kind of disappointed that Howard would put her on the line without checking with him first. Howard said he can't have him on without having Laurie give her side of the story.
KC claims that he didn't leave his watch there as collateral, he left it there because Laurie's pussy stunk. He said that he took it off so Laurie could take pictures of it. Laurie said that the batteries were dead in it but he was still wearing it over to her home. Laurie said she also learned that KC owes Joey Boots $60 that he borrowed from him a couple of years ago. KC said that might be true but this story is true as well.
Howard asked KC how his DVD is coming along. He said that the DVD is at the editor right now so it's coming along just fine. Howard played some of the KC song parodies that Richard Christy created. KC said that Richard is brilliant as all of the homo songs were playing. Howard gave KC a plug for his Nasty Show that will be at Ha Ha's out in California.
Ralph called in and said he can't wait to hang with KC because he's like a walking reality show. Howard said that the In Demand guys should be following him around. Ralph asked KC when he was supposed to pay Laurie back. He said he wasn't going to have money until Monday but he didn't pay her back until Wednesday. Ralph wanted to know why Laurie was calling Howard 100 News about this if she didn't want some publicity. Laurie said she really wanted the money back and she needed it by that Wednesday because her rent was due. We also learned that Laurie loaned KC $280, not the $300 that the Howard 100 News reported.
Howard wrapped up with KC and gave him some plugs. You can purchase his DVD at DieLaughingDVD.com. KC said that he was willing to swear on anything that his side of the story was true. He swore on his mother that he got a hand job from Jessica. Howard asked him where he blew his load. He said he didn't finish, she was just messing around with his balls. Jessica said she was willing to swear on anything as well. Laurie had hung up by this point because she was so upset. KC and Jessica continued to argue a bit but Howard cut them off and let them off the phone.
Howard said that he would like Jessica and Laurie to come in and ride the Sybian. Robin suggested they have a People's Court thing with the three of them. It was pretty crazy according to Howard.
Rap Battle Judges DJ Whoo Kid And Loaded Lux. 10/23/12. 7:05am
After the break we heard a Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard spoke to a woman about nutrition with High Pitch Eric as an 8 year old girl who eats too much candy. Fred also played Bruno Mars ''Just the Way You Are'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and asked what song Fred was playing. Fred told him it was Bruno Mars. He told him that he also wrote that ''Fuck You'' song for Cee-Lo Green.
Howard said they have a rap battle on the show today. He said Jon Leiberman and Sal were arguing about who the better rapper is. Howard said there is nothing sadder than two white guys rapping. Howard said to settle it they brought in DJ Whoo Kid (@DJWhooKid) and Loaded Lux (@iamloadedlux). Howard said DJ Whoo Kid was on tour with 50 Cent for a couple of years.
Howard asked if both guys work for Shade 45. Whoo Kid said that he works for Eminem. Howard said Eminem is still like one of the best out there. Whoo was talking about how the look has changed over the years and now people are wearing skinny jeans.
Howard said that both Sal and Jon Leiberman think that they're better rappers. Howard said that DJ Whoo Kid and Loaded Lux are going to judge them. Howard asked Whoo why he thinks that he's a good judge. Whoo said that he has been DJ'ing for 50 Cent for a lot of years now. He said that he's gotten fired like 22 times but he's still with him. Howard asked how that works. Robin said it sounds like Howard firing Gary. Whoo said that he will fire him on stage in front of 30-40,000 people. Howard asked if he does that to show his masculinity. Whoo said it might make him feel more thugged out. He said he has smacked him around. Howard said Whoo looks like he could handle himself. Whoo said that it's a ''nigga smack'' so it's not that big of a deal. Howard asked what that is. Whoo said it's not a full strength hit. He said that he says he loves you after you get smacked.
Howard asked Whoo what kind of money he can make during a show like that. He said it can be 15,000 a show. Howard said he'd take a smack for that. Howard asked how the women are. Whoo said that he thinks that he's up to about 8,000 women so far too. He said there might be 10 or 12 women listening so he's going to keep that number at 8,000. Howard asked how he keeps count. Whoo said he has one of those clicker things.
Howard asked Whoo if he has a girlfriend. He said he does. He said that she's Japanese and she has to put up with him. Howard asked if he sat her down and told her what it was going to be like. Howard asked if he has ever fucked a chick in front of 50 Cent. Whoo said he's done that. Howard said maybe they should be interviewing his wife instead of Whoo. Howard asked if she's super hot. Whoo said she used to be. Robin asked what he's doing. He said he's been with her for 15 years and it's hard to be hot that long. Whoo said that he has two kids with her. He said they're like Bruce Leroys. Howard asked if the kids look Asian. Whoo said they look crazy Asian. Howard asked if they have kink to their hair. He said one of them does and the other is straight Japanese. Howard said his parents must be wondering what's up with that.
Howard asked Whoo about hanging out with Michael Jackson. Whoo said he had some chicks there but Michael didn't fuck them. Whoo said that he did though.
Howard asked Lux if he's married. Lux said he's on the verge of it. Whoo told him not to get married. Howard said he can't fuck another girl if he gets married. Howard asked if Whoo thought about that when he got married. Whoo said that he got her knocked up accidentally so he married her for that. He said that he's Caribbean and that's what they do. He said you marry the girl if you knock her up. Whoo said that he hasn't fucked her in a while but she makes some strange sounds when he's fucking her. Howard asked if he sleeps in the same bed with her. Whoo said of course he does. He said he has to look normal to her. He said he's home on Tuesday and Wednesday because that's when he works at Sirius. He said he might have to ask Hulk Hogan to sleep with her for him.
Robin asked Whoo if his mother knows what he's up to. Whoo said his father is fucking bitches right now. He said that he takes after him. Howard asked if his dad is on Sirius too because he'd like to listen to his show. Whoo said his dad had some STD the other day and he had to take him to the hospital. He said it may have been Chlamydia or something. He said his dad had to tell him that his dick hurt. Howard asked if he's a cool dad. Whoo said he is fucking bitches so he is cool. He said that he used to shower with both of his parents. He said he wasn't aroused or anything. He said that's what the Caribbeans do.
Howard asked if his mom had a big, hairy bush. Whoo said yes to that. He said it was in the 70s. He said they didn't shave back then. Howard asked if he ever had to wash his parents down. Whoo said there was a smell. Robin said this is the craziest interview they've ever done. Whoo said he felt like it was normal life for him.
Howard said he likes his honesty. He said that Whoo isn't lying about marriage and he's telling the truth about what it's really like. Howard asked if the wife ever asks him to be like a normal guy. Whoo said that it's more like a business. He said that the first two years of marriage they fucked everywhere. He said that they were fucking all over. He said they tried anal once but that didn't go very well. Howard asked if he got shit on his dick. He said she douched down there. Robin said that's not a douche. Howard said he just invented the anal douche. Whoo said that he just saw Alexis Ford do that the other day. Robin said he's freaky.
Howard said that DJ'ing seems to be a good business. Howard asked if he went to high school. Whoo said he went to high school and college. Howard said he seems to be qualified for the judging job today. Howard asked if Whoo and Lux work together. They said they do but Lux said he's learning a lot today. He said he hadn't heard any of this stuff before.
Howard asked if they've ever heard that you can stop a chick from getting pregnant by pouring Coca Cola into the chick when they're done. Whoo said he's heard that.
Howard asked Lux if he's having second thoughts about getting married. Lux said he is getting some perspective today. Howard asked Whoo if he wears condoms with all of these chicks. Whoo said of course he does. Howard said a lot of chicks want to rebel against their parents and religion and stuff. Whoo said that they definitely do. He said he has had a lot of chicks like that.
Howard asked Whoo if he gets any famous chicks. Whoo said that he has had some pretty famous chicks but he didn't want to say who. Howard said it's kind of sad because he has that wife. Whoo said he can't leave his kids for pussy. Howard asked if he would ever stay at a chick's house. Whoo said he has done that and it was for 5 years. Howard asked Whoo if he uses drugs. Whoo said he doesn't do any of that. He said he just drinks Vitamin water. Whoo got a text during the interview and he told Howard it was one of his bitches who said that he was hot and she wanted to fuck. Howard said he might have to do a reality show with him. Whoo said he'd be into that.
Gary told Howard that they had Alexis Ford on the show once and she said that she was banging one of the guys from Shade 45 and she told them that he had a 12 inch cock that was like the size of a baby arm. Whoo said he had never measured the thing but that could be him.
Howard said he has to talk to Loaded Lux too. Howard said they have both agreed to judge this rap battle. Howard said that they'll throw out a random thing for them to rap about.
Howard said that Lux is considered a rap icon. Lux said that he's not sure about that but he'll take it. Howard said that he used to go to clubs and go up on stage and take on any challengers. Howard said that's not easy either. Lux said that he won anything that was televised. He said that's what counts.
Howard said he won against Calico in August of this year. Howard asked what Calico said to him during the rap. Lux said he as in his face and he was spitting and shit. Howard asked if he felt that he was going to lose during that battle. Lux said he didn't. Howard asked Lux if he ever wanted to shoot any of these guys. Lux said he's just into being a showman and that's what he does.
Howard asked Lux to give them a little bit of his rap. Lux told Howard what he said about one guy's father and how he got into some trouble for that. Howard said that didn't sound like an insult to him. Lux told Howard he had rapped about this guy's father not being a gangster. Howard said that doesn't seem like an insult. He'd be happy about that.
Sal Governale Vs. Jon Leiberman Rap Battle. 10/23/12. 7:40am
Howard said that this rap battle is going to be horrible but they have to pick a winner. He said that Sal and Jon think that they can rap better than the other person. Howard had Jon and Sal come in. Jon was calling himself 2 Live Jew. Sal was calling himself Pouchie G. Jon started with his rap as soon as he came in. Then Sal threw out some of his stuff. Jon and Sal went back and forth with some insults. Howard said those were the dopiest things he's ever heard.
Howard said the way they're going to work this today is have the guys evaluate Sal and Jon. Howard asked Jon when he started rapping. Jon said he started in college. Sal said he couldn't even wrap a sandwich. He kept throwing out ''Jew'' references in his insults. Howard told Sal to give him a chance. Jon said he rapped in college about 17 years ago. He said he got the rap name 2 Live Jew back then.
Sal said he stated out in high school and he was Cool the Candy Rapper. Whoo said his dick just shriveled up hearing that name. Sal said that Jon will suck it and make it big again.
Sal and Jon kept throwing out their insults as short raps and they were both pretty lame. Howard said whoever wins this game will bow to the other person. Howard said he's going to throw out a subject for them to rap about. Howard said that Fred has some music to play. He said he'll give Sal a topic and he'll go first. Howard told him to talk about the Jews. Sal started rapping about Hitler throwing the Jews in the ovens and taking all of their money and spending it.
Jon asked what that was. Sal said he wasn't expecting that. Whoo and Lux were saying that was very racial too. Sal said he has to be edgy.
Howard asked Jon if he was ready. Jon said he's ready. Jon started rapping before he got his subject. Howard gave him the subject of Tim Sabean shitting in the bathroom. Jon started rapping and people were laughing. Sal took over and rapped about Tim shitting on the floor. Jon started rapping more about the shitting.
Howard said it's time for the judges to step in. Howard said that was a fierce battle. Jon wanted to say something but Howard cut him off. Howard said maybe they need one more battle back and forth. Sal said he was ready to spit. Howard told Sal to let Jon in when he holds up his hand. Howard gave him the subject of Marriage. Sal rapped about his marriage and how this bitch isn't making it worth while. Then Jon took over and rapped about Sal's marriage. He rapped for a few seconds and then Howard had Sal go again. He had the two of them going back and forth for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that the judges have seen their stuff. Howard said Lux has won every rap battle he's been in and he knows what he's talking about. Howard asked Loaded Lux if rap is over as of today. Lux said no. Howard asked what he thought about this. Lux said he thinks that Sal is a better contention fighter. He said Leiberman is more of an emcee. He said that he can rock the crowd. He said he finds the cadence and rocks it. He said that there was one point when Leiberman got a topic and he let Sal cut him off. He said Sal was good with that retort. He said Leiberman needs to work on that cadence. Lux said on this battle he's going with Sal. Sal said he's ready for round 2 next week and told him to bring Eminem in there.
Howard said they have DJ Whoo up next. Howard said that he's been with Eminem and 50 Cent so he knows what he's talking about. Howard said he's also fucked more than 8,000 women. Whoo said they both horribly suck. He said the movements are equally bad. Howard asked if they're as weird as his wife's. Whoo said they had a couple of big words in their songs. He said that he thinks Sal won this. He said he wiggled a little extra. Howard said he thinks that Sal kind of wiped the floor with Jon. He said he came up with some very witty rhymes.
Howard said Jon has to bow to Sal now. Jon said this is the only time in history that he will get this. He bowed to Sal and Sal was trying to put his cock in his face. Jon threw out another rap and then Howard let Sal and Jon go.
Howard asked Lux if he's rethinking the marriage thing after today. Lux said he's not sure. Howard said he thinks he should wait a few more years. Lux is 28 so Howard told him that he's still young. He said he should give it more time. Whoo told him he's 41 and he knows. He said he should wait.
Howard talked to Whoo a little more about his wife and how he pictures her constantly crying. Howard said that Whoo hates her, the kids hate her and the parents hate her. Whoo said he hasn't had sex with her in like 2 years. Whoo said that he doesn't even fuck her. He just fingers her. He said that's why this arm is bigger than the other. Howard said that's such a weird scene.
Howard said Whoo has a special coming up on Saturday on Shade 45 with The Walking Dead cast. Howard said that Loaded Lux has some stuff available at LoadedLux.co. Howard said you can follow him on Twitter at @iamloadedlux.
Howard said he's going to have these guys back for anything they need to judge in the future. Howard said he's afraid to go back to Shade 45. He said he's afraid something bad will happen back there. Whoo told Howard he got nibbled on (head) back there once. Howard said he's never had that. He said that Whoo is his idol. Robin said she wants to meet his wife. Whoo said he wants Robin to come into the bed. Howard wrapped up with the guys and went to break a short time later.
First up they played a segment from 2008 when Artie was laughing his ass off at some porn clips Fred was playing. Here's my rundown of that news segment:
Robin's News And Goofing On Gary. 02/05/08. 9:55am
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played one of her theme songs to the tune of her old news theme music. It was one where she was singing to that theme music.
Robin started off her news with a story about how Dancing with the Stars is going to have Marlee Matlin, a deaf actress, on the show this coming season. Howard said he saw that and didn't think much of it until he remembered that she was deaf.
Robin read another story about a product that has been created to prevent AIDS. That led to Fred playing some old lady porn clips that made Artie laugh pretty hard. He said that's his favorite clip ever. Fred kept playing it and Artie laughed more and more. Howard said that it was actually a woman by the name of Kathy Jones who is one of those old porn stars. He asked the guys if they had any of her clips to play in there. Artie was laughing his ass off at those clips and said that he's not sure he could watch the visuals on that because he might have a heart attack.
Howard played some more of those Kathy Jones old lady porn clips. He had one where she's getting slammed by some guy and she's saying ''Oh ya!'' over and over. Artie was laughing like crazy and Gary interrupted and said that they had some video with audio to play. Howard told them to go ahead and play it. It wasn't one of her porn movies though. It was just from her appearance on the show.
Howard got upset with Gary for interrupting them while the audio clips were playing. Gary said he couldn't hear the clip playing because Artie was laughing so hard. Howard goofed on Gary interrupting him and did an impression of him doing it to him. They threw in some new Baba Booey clips that made Artie laugh even more. Howard was doing his Gary impression and Fred was playing dog barking clips over that.
Howard said that he was enjoying Artie laughing at the clips and all he could hear was Gary yelling ''HOWARD!'' over and over. They kept playing a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies and jingles while they were goofing on Gary. Sal was out in the hall goofing on Gary while all of that was going on. Artie laughed and said ''what kind of work place is this anyway?''
One of the funnier Baba Booey clips was made by Kevin Kraft so Howard gave him a quick mention. Gary said that his problem is that he can't turn his monitor up too loud in his office because it feeds back. Howard goofed on him again and made fun of him interrupting.
Howard said that Gary might need a uniform like Teddy does. Artie said that they might have to have Ralph design two outfits. He also said that he was sweating from laughing so much.
Next up they played a segment from 2009 when the guys goofed on Gary's toe fungus. Here's my rundown from that day:
Robin's News. 08/17/09. 9:50am
Robin started her news reading about the toe fungus that Gary has. Howard said he doesn't get why he has this fungus while everyone wears white socks and has their feet sweating. Howard said it's almost like they captured this creature and he's not being let back into the wild. Gary said that he doesn't get why he has a foot fungus and gets all of this crap while Robin is the one who claims that she almost died from her diet.
Robin said that Gary could put his feet in the sun to get rid of the fungus. Gary said he doesn't sun them but they do get sun. Robin said the fungus could also be a yeast or mold.
Fred was reading that it could be very contagious and they say to avoid walking in public areas. Gary said he wears flip-flops almost all weekend long. He said that he doesn't share his shoes with anyone either.
Howard wanted to see what was going on with his feet so Gary came into the studio. Howard didn't want him in there but Gary came in anyway. Jason came in with his camera to get some shots of it too.
Gary said Lisa G was out there talking about how bad she felt for him taking this medication to get rid of the stuff. It's bad for your liver apparently and she was saying she felt bad for him.
Howard looked at Gary's foot that had one bad nail that was discolored. Artie gave him a loud ''Holy shit!'' when he saw it. The guys talked about how ugly it was. Gary said it wasn't itchy or anything. He said that you wouldn't even know you had it if you didn't see it.
Sal was in Gary's office with green stuff on his toes. Gary said that he bets the emotional friend doesn't put green stuff on his toes. Then Sal started to pretend to eat the green stuff on his toes. Gary wondered what Sal would do without him.
Gary said he had this fungus about 3 years ago but he had gotten rid of it. Then it came back to this one toe. He said he's trying to get rid of this now.
Next up today they played a news segment where Robin read about the OJ Simpson jury pool and was interrupted by Jackie the Joke Man Martling when he heard the word ''Tainted''. Howard asked Robin to try to ignore him. Howard ended up doing his impression of Jackie and goofing on him about him blurting out ''Taint!'' when he heard the word. Howard, Fred and Robin were doing impressions of Jackie getting excited about things like that. Howard said Jackie is 50 years old and getting a laugh out of the word ''taint.'' Jackie said he thought Howard had to get out of there by 10. He wasn't letting this go.
In another clip Robin asked Howard if he has had the sex talk with his kids. Howard said he has but you don't know what ages to do that at. He said he thinks they were 13 when he told them that kids come from broken condoms. Howard said there should be classes on how to be a parent. Artie said it has to be tough to have daughters. Robin said they say that you should be discussing these issues much earlier than they are. Howard said his kids were more worried about inheriting his nose. He said they lucked out and didn't get it.
Robin read more details and asked Howard when his parents talked to him about it. Howard said they talked to him when he was 16 which was after he had already had sex. Howard said his dad was reading the paper and asked if he had any questions. He said he told his dad he probably knew more than he did and his dad didn't have anything else to say. He said he was too embarrassed to say anything else. Howard said he doesn't know what he could have told him that would have helped anyway.
Fred said he had a neighbor who drew a picture in the dirt with a stick and told him that's what his parents do to each other. Howard said he thinks Gary is avoiding the discussion with his kids. Gary said he tried with Jackson when he was in 5th grade. He said they have a film they show the kids at that age. He said they suggest talking to the kids about it but, when he did, his kid clammed up. Gary said their doctor told him that when the kid wants to talk about it he will ask. Gary said they watch a lot of TV and it's all sex references. The guys all shared a few stories about how their talks went.
Next up they played a news segment where Robin read about Charlton Heston going into rehab. That led to Howard and the guys goofing around with that. Robin also had some audio of Elisabeth Shue talking about the movie ''Hollow Man'' and Howard kept doing his Charlton Heston impression and talking about Planet of the Apes. Howard said Gary is going to be in the new one and he'll be without makeup. Robin read more news and Howard kept doing that Charlton Heston impression.
Today's unnamed vacation special was over around 11:00am.
Jon Leiberman came in and Jon asked if he listens to himself after he raps. Leiberman said he tries not to. He said that performance wasn't his best. He said if it were to practice then he would. Leiberman said he does not listen back to those rap battles.
Jon asked Leiberman what his process is for writing rap songs. Leiberman said he writes down a bunch of subjects for his raps. Sal said it has to come from your soul and you have to be in the moment. Leiberman said that he's more cerebral than Sal. Sal said he doesn't have as much charisma as he does though. Leiberman explained how he will start his rhymes and how that's always been his process. He said in college he would go to a few lines that were go-to lines. He said he had some lines that he would start every rap with. Sal said that's like something you'd do out of a kindergarten book. Leiberman said that he doesn't have the same process as Sal does. He said he's not trying to be a rap star like Sal is though.
Jon said you need to be able to roll with things and when a wrench gets thrown in you have to be ready to go. Leiberman agreed. He said he knows that and agrees. He said his freestyling suffers because of that preparation he does.
Jon asked what got to Leiberman that day he did the rap. Leiberman said he was too prepared for how he thought he wanted to execute things. He said he can't freestyle like that. He said he's more about the preparation. Sal asked if he ever recorded songs back in the day. Leiberman said he did not. He said he would perform at college functions. He said people would look forward to his rapping. JD started laughing again.
Jon asked if they were looking forward to it to laugh at him or enjoy it. Leiberman said he thinks it was both. He said that was 20 years ago and it was all in good fun. Jon asked if he thinks he's a good rapper. Leiberman said he thinks he could rap back in the day and he could do it now if he put some time into it. Leiberman said that he sees Jim McClure writing notes over there. Jon said that was about something else. Sal said it says ''Please move on.''
Leiberman said that those rap battles on the show were not his best work. He said he thinks he could bring it back though. Jon asked Sal if he thinks he was ever a good rapper. Sal said no. He said as soon as he opens his mouth it's complete horse manure. He said Leiberman is like an albino rapper. He said his stuff just doesn't work.
Sal said that 50 Cent picked him over Leiberman. He said he knows who is good and who isn't. Benjy asked Sal who he thinks is a 9 and who is a 6.5. Sal said he would say MC Lite was a 6.5 and LL Cool J was a 9. Leiberman asked if he's saying that he's as good as LL Cool J. Sal said at that time, sure. Jon said that Sal didn't exactly get signed by a label. He said he got ripped off by a guy who got him to record something. Sal said he would compare himself to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.
DJ Whoo Kid showed up to talk about this rap battle thing so Jon told him about what Sal was just talking about. Whoo asked what the fuck he's talking about. Whoo asked if the two of them know what ''spitting lyrics'' means. Sal said of course he does. Leiberman claimed he did too.
Jon said that they will have a freestyle thing now. He asked Whoo to start off with a beat. Sal started to rap and spit some lyrics. Leiberman said that was pretty good. Howard asked Whoo how he thinks Sal did. He seemed to think he did okay. Jon asked Leiberman to do some free styling but Leiberman said he isn't prepared. He said he's taken a hiatus from rapping like Dr. Dre has. Jon told him to give it a shot. He said they all know it's going to be bad so they're prepared. Leiberman said he used to rap back in the day and when he's prepared he can do it. He said he's not prepared today. They kept hounding him until Leiberman gave in.
They suggested that he rap about titties so Sal told him to look at Jon Hein's chest to get started. Leiberman asked for a beat to get him going. Whoo started a beat and Leiberman gave them a few lines and then petered out. Leiberman said he's on hiatus. Whoo said he's still kind of lawyer-ish.
JD said he wanted to hear Leiberman do the beat box thing. Leiberman said he would do that. He gave Whoo Kid a beat to rap to. Leiberman ran out of steam a short time into his beat boxing. Sal said that beat box is on hiatus now.
Shuli said he might be on hiatus but he has a line of headphones coming out. Jon said maybe if he dressed differently then he'd be more inspired. Whoo gave him a chain to wear. Leiberman said that chain is heavier than some young children. Leiberman tried it on and asked where one even gets that. Whoo said he lives in Jersey.
Jon said Leiberman has a different look about him now. He said he was serious about that. Jon said they have to take a break so he has to give it another try or give up. Leiberman started to rap again when they gave him a beat to sing to. Sal chimed in and rapped that they should go to break. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Leiberman if he has taken a hiatus from reality. He said his 6 year old can rap better. Jon said he also did that thing where he kept saying the same line over and over. Leiberman said that's called a chorus.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Whoo Kid if his wife gave him any lip after that interview. Whoo said he almost got divorced but he's still fucking bitches. He said he'd rather stay married than leave her though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it gives him goose bumps when he hears Leiberman rap. He said it's very awkward to hear him talking about rap though. He said it's like seeing a crazy person walking down the street. Leiberman said he knows he's not good at it now but that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy it. Jon asked Whoo Kid if he has heard worse than Jon. Whoo said he has and some of them are out now on CD.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Whoo to tell Sal how to get some more pussy. Whoo told him he has to eat that pussy. Sal asked him what else he can do. Whoo said it should be nice and spicy. Sal said everything is fine there. He said he has no trouble at all.
Benjy asked if Sal eats pussy. Sal said everything they do at home is just fine. He said it's all taken care of and it's great. Whoo said as long as you have two good fingers then you're fine. Sal asked how he tells a girl if she's smelly down there. Whoo said he asks them to shower.
Whoo asked if no one in there cheats. The guys were all very quiet. JD said he wishes he could cheat. Shuli said that Whoo is a legend around there and no one in the room has game like he does. Sal jokingly said Jon Hein cheats. He had some kid jokes about that. Jon said they had to go to break after that. Whoo Kid got in some plugs for his show and mentioned he'll have Kermit the Frog on his show this week. They went to break a short time later.
Jon had Shuli give them a rundown of what they had coming up on Howard 100 News today. Shuli said that Benjy Bronk is wearing pants with the tag still on it. He said now they know what size he wears. Jon asked what the deal is there. Benjy said he got two pair of Levis and he's trying to decide which one he likes better. He's going to wear them for a day and return the one he doesn't want. Jon asked why he doesn't just try them on in the Levi store. Benjy asked if he has seen the dressing room there.
Jon asked what size he wears. Benjy said he thinks it's a 36 30 or 32. Shuli said it's a 36 32. Benjy said he used to wear a 40. He said he's gone down a bit. Jon Hein said he can squeeze into a 38. Jon asked why he didn't hide the tag. Benjy said he thought he had.
Jon wrapped up the show and let everyone get in their plugs. Benjy did a rap before they were done. They were done around 11:45am.
Howard Talks About Stuttering John Moving To Jay Leno's Show. 02/23/04. 6:10am
Howard said that the big news is that Stuttering John is leaving the show to go work for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. This is his last week on the Stern Show. Howard said John gave his 2 week notice and the first week was their vacation week. Howard said John doesn't care about who he inconveniences doing it that way. Howard also said that John is getting paid something like $500,000 to go work as the announcer on Leno's show. Howard said that the last guy made about $250,000. Howard said that he spoke to Leno and he's wondering why Leno had to have John on his show. He said he's already ripped stuff off from his show and John is just another one of the parts he's stealing.
Howard said Leno asked him if he's mad that he's taking John. Howard said he asked Jay how much more material he's going to steal from his show. He said that Jay acted like he didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said he told Leno that he stole the idea of sending out some wacky guy to ask questions on a red carpet to celebrities. Jay told him that Steve Allen used to do that stuff. Howard said he asked Jay about the homeless game and how he stole that idea as well but Leno said that Steve Allen did that as well. Howard said that Jay just couldn't admit that he's stealing this stuff from him. Howard wondered why he doesn't get Gary the Retard to be his band leader.
Howard said he told Leno that he can't get 18-25 year old men to watch his show and what he's trying to do is get John, from his show, to get that audience. Howard said he told Leno that his show is lame and gay and he can't develop his own people. Howard said that Leno also said he heard how John wasn't getting paid that well on the show. Howard said he told Jay that he was going to give Jay a list of what he pays people on his show so he can take care of all of them as well. He said he also found out that the previous announcer, Edd Hall, used to be Letterman's production guy which was kind of weird.
Howard said this move (hiring John) was as weird as Jay hiding in a closet and spied on some NBC executives. Howard said Jay asked him if they're still going to be friends. Howard said they were never friends so, no, they're not going to be friends. He said he told him that he's the gayest, lamest guy on the planet. He said he doesn't care what he does but he looks like a stupid ass. He also said that John gets these jobs where he doesn't have to do anything and he's the luckiest guy around.
Howard said that Jay has stolen like 20 elements from his show but won't admit it. He said that the head writer from the show might as well have a funnel from the show to his ass. Gary came in and said that he heard that Howard and Jay had worked things out and were going to ride the wave of publicity. Howard said that Jay called him again and asked him if he wanted to do his show to talk about this stuff. Howard said he's going to talk about it on his own show and not do Leno's show.
Howard said that John could have come to him before taking that job to try and get more money. John came in a short time later to talk about it. Howard said that John's whole attitude has changed since this happened. He said he went to Atlantic City with John and John was mouthing off to the dealers down there. John didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said that John kept asking him if he was mad at him. John said that he heard that Howard, Gary and Fred were mad at him and he was hearing it all from Scott DePace from E!. John said that heard that Scott had spoken to someone and they told him that those people were mad at John.
John said that he heard that DePace had spoken to Scott Einziger and told him that those people were mad at him. DePace said he had spoken to Einziger but he said he didn't tell him about that stuff. John also heard some other things about how he wanted to punch Gary or something. Howard told John that he's the most paranoid person around. He said he and John spoke last weekend and went to Atlantic City after the discussion. He said he doesn't have a problem with John. He said that he has a problem with Jay. He said that he saw that Jay is losing 18-25 year old males in the ratings and he's going to try and steal some of that back from Jimmy Kimmel's show. He said he'll never get that back though because he's lame.
Gary asked John about his new deal and asked him if his deal is a multi-year deal. John said it is a multi-year deal but he's not actually allowed to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about it but Gary kept asking him questions. John wasn't talking though. Howard said he doesn't get why it's John that they're hiring. John said they liked him when he did the show back when he did ''I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here.'' Howard said he doesn't know why they don't get their own guy to be an announcer.
John said that he was offered a job as a correspondent on the Tonight Show about a year ago and he tried to talk to Howard about it but he wouldn't take a meeting. John said he didn't want to go through Gary because he screws things up sometimes. John actually did go through Gary the first time and Gary told him he wouldn't be able to do both shows. John dropped it after talking to Gary and Robin and never met with Howard about it. Howard told John that he has to go though Gary to get meetings with him. John said he tried going directly to Howard through Laura but Howard doesn't want him doing that.
John and Howard argued about that whole thing for a few minutes. John said that he was hurt that Howard wouldn't take a meeting with him. Howard said that he could have spoken to him after that but John said he was too hurt to do that. Howard eventually told John that he's going to be sad to see John leave the show. John said that he's going to miss him as well.
Howard said that people are already sending him e-mail about how Jay is always stealing his stuff and he's always going to be lame and gay. Howard also said that he hopes that Jay isn't going to mislead John and make him think that he's going to be his Ed McMahon or something. Howard said he told Jay that he hopes he doesn't screw John because once he leaves his show, he won't have a job to come back to. Howard said he heard that Edd Hall was fired, he didn't quit. Gary said he's heard that Jay turns his back on people and could screw John over like he's done to other people.
Gary asked John a bunch of questions about how he'll be treated on the show and whether or not he'll be flying first class when he goes out to do stuff. John said they fly him first class everywhere. John said that he's not even allowed to stutter when he does the announcing. Howard had tape of John practicing his announcing in the studio there at the station. John said that Scott the Engineer was supposed to erase the tape. Howard said they don't erase anything there. John said he told Scott to erase that tape but the guys pointed out that he'd be laughing his ass off if it was someone else.
Artie said he's known about this stuff for a while because John wanted someone to talk to about it. He said he thinks that Jay is kind of weird to do something like that though. John seemed to take some offense to what he was saying but Howard pointed out that they were talking about what a douche Jay Leno is. They weren't saying anything about John. Howard said they know what this is really about and how they're just calling John an ''announcer.'' They also continued to talk about how John could have gone to Howard to talk to him about this job. He kept it a secret until he got the job with Leno's show.
Howard said that John has been with them for 15 years and he's been answering phones for most of that time. John said that he also writes jokes and bits as well though. Howard and John continued to argue about who was right about the stuff they were talking about. Gary was also saying that he was sitting next to a millionaire. John said he never told anyone what he's making and he doesn't know where they're getting that figure from.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and congratulated John on his new job. He had some things to say about Jay though. He said he can't figure out why Jay would hire him and then not have John do what he does best... Stuttering and man on the street interviews. Howard said that they have an edgy, hip show and shows like Leno's are trying to get the same audience but they don't do the edgy thing. Howard went on to talk about how Jay won't know what to do with John and it's bizarre. He said that Jay is a complete sell out and a rip off artist.
John pointed out that he won't have to get up so early to do the show. Gary said that his comedy show price will probably go up as well but Artie said that he doesn't think that's the case. Howard had to wrap up this discussion because he'd gone so long on this stuff. Howard and Robin said they're going to miss John when he leaves. John said something about Robin crying when he spoke to her off the air. She said that she is going to miss him. Howard went to commercial break shortly after that.
Stuttering John's NBC Audition Tape. 02/23/04. 8:05am
Howard had tape of John's audition tape for the Tonight Show. Tom thought that Scott did it on the company's time but Howard told him that John told him that it was for Howard's show. Tom said he didn't know that, he thought that he just assumed that John was doing it for the show. Howard said he did assume that because John had come to him. Howard told Tom to just stop busting Scott's balls. Scott said when someone comes back to record something, he just assumes that they're doing it for the show.
Howard booted Scott out of the studio and played John's tape where he practices an announcement for the Tonight Show. John pronounces Pamela Anderson's name ''Pamaler.'' Howard played a bit more of the tape and goofed on Jay about how lame he is. Artie thought it was funny that the tape where John pronounces Pam Anderson's name ''Pamaler'' is the tape that got him the job. He's supposed to be a professional announcer.
Howard read a letter from Jimmy Kimmel who gave his thoughts on what Jay Leno is doing by taking John and so many other things from his show. Jimmy said putting John on the show would be like giving Biff Henderson (from Letterman's show) his own show. Jimmy also said that he's thinking about getting Benjy to be his band leader. Jimmy bashed Leno and said that they steal and intimidate his guests.
Howard said he had a conversation with Letterman over the weekend as well but he didn't want to talk about what they talked about off the air. He said that he'd tell Robin about it off the air though. Howard took another break shortly after that.
More On The Leno/Stuttering John Topic. 02/23/04. 8:25am
Howard came back from break and brought up Bill Maher who had that congresswoman on his show who blasted Mel Karmazin at the indecency hearings. Howard said that Bill let her off the hook and didn't bring up anything that he found out about her. Howard said Benjy took the tape and made a sex tape out of it. Howard said they had to bleep it a lot because of the new rules they have. (It still managed to get a delay hit though).
Howard said that they have to get a new stutterer for the show now. He said John the Stutterer might be available. Howard said a lot of people came out of the woodwork trying to get John's job. Robin wondered if Jackie the Jokeman was one of them. Howard and Gary said that Sal the Stockbroker, Chaunce Hayden and Penny Crone were just a few of the people who called.
Howard said they're thinking of actually doing something like ''The Apprentice'' where they'd actually let people do stuff to get on the show and they'd actually hire them for John's job. Gary said they'd call it ''Win John's Job.'' Howard said Leno will probably hire that person in a couple of years.
Howard played more of Stuttering John's audition tape where he was trying to figure out what guests to introduce during the intro. Stuttering John came in and said he only sent one of the clips to the Tonight Show. He said he also went out there and did a bunch of them in person. Howard said he thought he was being Punk'd when he heard about this whole thing. John has a little bit of trouble with some names. He pronounced Nicolas Cage's name ''Nigolas.''
Howard went off on Leno again and wondered if he stole his jokes from people like he steals show ideas. Howard did his impression of Leno and made fun of how lame he is. Artie pointed out that if Leno had hired a stuttering guy it would look like he was stealing... but he's actually hiring the real Stuttering John for the job.
Howard said he wished that he'd taped his call with Leno. He said he called him lame and Jay still asked him if they were still going to be friends. He said that Jay even stole the excuse for stealing bits from Letterman. They both give credit to Steve Allen for doing some of the stuff they do today. Howard said he had to listen to Leno for an hour. He called him an untalented, asswipe jerk. He also said he told Jay that maybe he should have given him a call before offering him a job. He said if he'd done that it would have made a little more sense and maybe he would have understood it a little better.
Howard played more of John's audition tape where John tries to be a little more low key. He continued to use ''Nigolas Gage'' as one of the names. Howard said it sounded like ''nig*erless Gage'' and wondered why he would use that and Pamaler Anderson in the same sentence. He and Artie talked about Leno's lameness and how it's going to really look that way when John joins the show. Howard said that Jay kind of tried to blackmail him. He said he was going around saying good things about him in interviews and he would continue doing that if he wanted. Howard said he wouldn't care if someone as lame as him started to bad mouth him. Howard said he told Jay that he was handling it just fine already.
Howard said he'd like to see tape of Steve Allen doing the stuff that Jay is saying he did. Artie said that he watched Leno the night the news broke and he was doing an All Star Jay Walker game where they asked a few people questions that they couldn't answer.
Gary came in and said that John was yelling at Scott the Engineer about the tape he didn't erase. He said that John said something about how he has more money in his bank account than Scott will ever have in his life. John came in a minute later and said he never said that. Scott also came in and told John to just go off to L.A. and enjoy himself. John explained to Howard that they have things that they talk about off the air and this tape that Scott kept was one of those things. He said Scott gave him his word that he would erase it and now he's shown that he's a liar. Scott ended up doing an impression of John saying ''nig*erless Gage'' and ''Pamaler Anderson.''
Stuttering John said that he has a big thing planned for his last days this week. He said he's concentrating on Scott the Engineer. John pointed out that Scott makes $60,000 a year and still complains about what a prick Tom is. Scott said he's going to apply to Jimmy Kimmel and Letterman's show to see if he can get a job. He said if John can get a job then anyone on the show should be able to get a job with one of those shows. Scott wondered how long it'll be before Leno fires John. John wondered if Scott will die of cancer before he gets fired. Artie said that doing cancer jokes might not be something that the Tonight Show would like him making fun of. John said that cancer isn't a funny thing and he doesn't want anyone to die of cancer.
Howard kicked Scott and John out of the studio and played a little more of John's audition tape. Howard joked that Jay is going to hire Gary the Retard to be the band leader but they won't call him Gary the Retard. Howard had to take another break after that.
Scott And Ronnie Fighting. 4/18/01. 10:05am
Earlier in the show Ronnie the limo driver and Scott the Engineer were talking about their NASCAR driving school experience. Someone said that Ronnie's wife had to call Scott's wife to get permission for him to go to the school. Now Scott is pissed and he has canceled the dinner he had scheduled on Saturday. Some people said he was yelling and throwing stuff down the hall too. Scott came in and said he wasn't doing any of that stuff though. Ronnie said after they talked about it earlier he said to Scott ''I guess dinner is off'' and Scott said ''I guess so''. Howard just wanted Scott to admit that he is pussy-whipped but he wouldn't do it. He kept saying that his wife was just worried about him going to the school and Ronnie's wife just had to convince her it was okay.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said that Scott was okay until 2 days before they were supposed to go. That's when it all fell apart. Once again Scott said that his wife was just worried about him. He finally admitted that he's pussy-whipped.
Doug also blamed Scott's bad luck, black cloud on his choking incident during the driving school thing. Doug said he was eating chunky soup when he got a piece of potato stuck in his throat. He just happened to be sitting next to Scott. He tried to get Ronnie to help him get the potato out but Ronnie thought he was just kidding around. Ronnie and Scott DePace finally hit him in the stomach and back and stopped his choking. Doug says it was Scott's bad luck that caused the choking.
Mental Health Discussion. 10/14/97. 8:10am
Howard mentioned that he's thinking of going to see a psychiatrist. This led to a discussion about how messed up everyone on the show is. Fred admitted to going to a psychiatrist for a while. Robin also went to one for about 2 and a half years. Howard asked Fred if he told the psychiatrist that he wasn't coming back or did he just stop going. Fred said that he told him but Howard didn't believe the story. This all led to Fred getting all wound up and freaking out. Howard said something else to Fred to get him really wound up but the delay was hit for some reason. Fred did go nuts though. It was very entertaining to hear him go off like that.
Green Day Performs Two Songs. 10/14/97. 8:40am
Punk rock band Green Day came in to perform a couple of songs for Howard. Howard interviewed them for a little while before they played. They talked about the lead singer's tattoo's and how they were just plastered all over his arms for no reason. Howard also mentioned seeing the guys back stage one time. He saw one of them spinning around on his back with his penis hanging out while the others were running around like nuts. Then they ran on stage to start the show. They didn't seem to know what Howard was talking about but it was a heck of a story. The band performed their hit song ''Basket Case'' first even though they planned on playing their new song first. For some reason Howard wanted them to play the old song first.. whatever. They played ''Hitchin' A Ride'' next. That one is off of their new album ''Nimrod'' which was just released.
Johnny Depp Calls In. 10/19/01. 8:55am
Actor Johnny Depp called in to promote his movie ''From Hell'' which opens today. Howard had been talking about this VH-1 special concert that's going on Saturday night. He said he was offered a part in it where he'd go up and talk about something but he didn't think it would be a good idea. He thinks he'd screw up reading from the teleprompter. He ended up asking Johnny if he'd ever do anything like that. Johnny said the teleprompter is about 300 yards away and it's really hard to see so there's a good chance of screwing up.
Howard asked Johnny what he thinks of this whole situation in Afghanistan. Johnny said he had an idea to help the situation. He said we should make up millions of gallons of liquid LSD and taint the water over there. Then we could just walk in dressed as a Tele-Tubbie and freak them all out as we grab the people we want to grab. Howard told Johnny that wasn't that bad of an idea.
Howard kissed Johnny's ass a bit during the interview. He kept telling him what a great actor he was and how much he loves the movies he's done over the years. He also spoke to Johnny about why he moved out of the country and over to France. Johnny said he was there for a movie shoot and while he was there he fell in love. He now has a baby with the woman he fell in love with and that's where he lives now.
Howard told Johnny it must be great to be such a cool guy because someone like Kate Moss tries to kill herself after they broke up. Johnny said she didn't try to kill herself though. That was just Howard's take on the situation. Howard spent some time on that subject and then asked him if he ever turned down any big movies that he regrets now. Johnny said that he tried to get through the script for ''Titanic'' but he couldn't do it. He said he ''labored through 15 pages'' of the script before giving up on it. That was the only one he mentioned though.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard how ''down to earth'' Johnny is. He said he played a gig at Johnny's club The Viper Room one time and Johnny was there helping to unload their equipment.
Howard kept bringing up how Johnny must be able to get any chick he wants. He tried to find out if Johnny has ever been turned down by any women. Of course he has but Howard didn't believe it. He thinks that no woman would turn him down for any reason.
Howard also asked Johnny if his childhood was messed up. Johnny said it was kind of messed up and his parents were abusive to him once in a while. He said he was born in Kentucky and that got Artie Lange revved up doing his Southern accent as he pretended to be Johnny's parents. He made some funny jokes about that and Johnny just laughed.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and asked Johnny if he's calculated with his choice of tattoos and clothing. Johnny said he does think about his tattoos for years before having them put on. Howard then said that Ralph's questions were really gay and ended up hanging up on him.
A phone caller told Howard that Johnny really is a down-to-earth guy. He told Howard that Johnny hung out with the regular people when he flew over to England one time. Johnny said that isn't a calculated move, he just doesn't feel right taking a private jet. Howard took a few more phone calls for Johnny and started to wrap up the interview. He asked Johnny if he'd seen his movie ''Private Parts'' yet. Johnny said he was kind of bitter at the time it came out because it pretty much killed his movie ''Donnie Brasco'' which came out around the same time. He still hasn't seen it but he told Howard he'd rent it.
A short time after getting off the phone with Johnny Stuttering John came in and said Johnny called back and thanked them for having him on the show. Howard thought that the interview went pretty well.
The Confession Game. 6/21/02. 6:35am
Howard moved on to the confession game... finally. Howard didn't care at this point how they played the game. KC read one at a time and they guessed at whose it was. Here are a few examples:
'Little' Steven Van Zandt Comes In. 08/02/04. 7:50am
After the break Howard said that on tonight's E! show they have M. Night Shyamalan and his wife. After that he introduced 'Little' Steven Van Zandt and had him come in to hang out. Howard said he doesn't like meeting guys who are in The Sopranos because it kind of ruins it for him because they turn out to be nice guys in real life. Howard talked to Steve about killing off people on the show and how tough that is. Steve said he had a tough time to kill off Drea DeMatteo's character because he had to get very violent with her and they were real good friends on the set. He says he's really not like that character (Silvio Dante) in real life.
Steve and Howard talked about politics for a short time. Steve said he thinks that John Kerry is a good guy and talked with Howard about that for a short time. Howard then moved on to talk about the bandanna that Steve wears on his head. Steve said the story about him going through the window of a car is true and that's why he wears the thing. They only spent a few seconds on that before moving on to other stuff.
Howard brought up Steve's relationship with Bruce Springsteen and how he got all of the credit for the rest of the band's work. Steve said that he was friends with Bruce before the band was ever created. He told Howard how he'd run into Bruce once in a while playing at different places. They were only 15 or 16 at the time. Steve said that he got into music because he was a complete freak and misfit and didn't fit in anywhere else. He couldn't get laid even being in a band back then. That was a time when chicks wanted the football players and other athletes.
Steve said he had to teach himself how to play guitar because lessons weren't fun to him. He didn't want to learn how to play ''Old McDonald'' on his guitar. Steve went on to talk about how great the 70's were for him being able to get laid. He said that he had some good stories but he can't tell them on the air.
Howard went on to ask Steve how he and Bruce got together with their two bands. Steve said that the business had gotten kind of fragmented in the 70's. Bruce had gotten signed as a solo artist and put the band together himself. Bruce would pay the band as a backup band because he was the guy who was getting paid the money. Steve said he was making more money at the Stone Pony than he was making playing for Bruce back then. Howard figured that the E-Street Band got resentful and backed out of the Born in the USA tour because of that. Steve said that wasn't true and he was very supportive of Bruce. He ended up turning down the money for the Born in the USA tour and he does regret it these days. He said he had to go out and learn more about life and that's exactly what he did. That was the point when they were just starting to make money too. Steve said at the time, he felt it was the right thing to do.
Steve told Howard that he stayed friends with Bruce through all of that and that's why Bruce let him come back on tour with him eventually. He said he doesn't really hang out with Bruce these days because he just doesn't hang out. Howard said he's seen him hanging out in the city once in a while. He wanted to know if he hangs out with Bruce at his mansion in Jersey. He said he really doesn't and it's not because his wife doesn't like him or anything like that. Howard was saying that he thinks it's because Bruce's woman doesn't like him.
Robin wanted to know what the deal is with everyone sharing one microphone on stage when they sing. Steve got a little sidetracked when he talked about how he started his radio show because there was no place to play real rock and roll these days. He eventually got to the reason that they share one microphone on stage during a Bruce Springsteen concert. He said it's just to let the guys get close to each other because they're one big band.
Steve told the guys that he isn't drinking or doing drugs these days. He said back in the day he was doing some psychedelic stuff and drinking. He got off of all of that and now he's sober. Howard brought up Steve's radio show and about working on ''The Sopranos.'' Steve has a lot of stuff going on with his radio show and a couple of other shows he's producing for Sirius Satellite radio. He talked about the band The Rascals and how he's tried to reunite the three of them but they just don't get along for some reason. He said they're the three nicest guys but they just won't work together. He told a story about trying to get them back together for a show one time and before they went on they were packing up to leave.
Steve said he was introducing The Rascals at their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction and that's when the creator of The Sopranos saw him and wanted to get him on the show. That's how his character got started on the show and evolved into what it is now. Steve told Howard that he did the hardest thing when he did his movie and had to act like himself. He said he could never do something like that.
Howard gave Steve a couple of plugs for his International Underground Garage Festival which is coming up on August 14th. You can get tickets at Ticketmaster.com. Robin told Steve about Howard's childhood band Electric Comic Book so Howard played him some of that for Steve but he just laughed when he heard it. Howard gave Steve a plug for his web site LittleSteven.com as well.
Howard took some phone calls for Steve before wrapping up the interview. One guy asked if the band is still playing together. Steve said he still plays with them and they'll probably come out with a new album eventually. Another guy told Howard that Steve leaving Bruce Springsteen was like Jackie the Joke Man leaving his show. Howard bailed out on the phone calls after that. They were too brutal.
Steve and Howard talked a little more about hanging out with Bruce Springsteen. They ended up goofing on the whole thing and wondered who else in the E-Street Band gets Bruce's phone number. Steve asked them to stop with that stuff because it's really not like that. Steve told Howard that he's going to be getting together with some people today for some drinks. Howard wanted to know more about who he was going to hang out with and where they go to hang out. He was very curious about it but Steve wasn't revealing all that much about it.
Howard and Artie were joking around about getting in on the hang out with Bruce tonight. That wasn't happening though. Howard also told Steve about how Nils Loftgren beat him at basketball years ago when they played one another. Howard said that he even had a 19 point lead but Nils still ended up beating him. Steve just laughed when he heard that. Howard wrapped up the segment right after that and went to commercial break.
First up they played a segment where Robin read a story about a guy who tried to have sex with his vacuum cleaner. Robin said the man was 51 years old. Robin said the man was bleeding and he told the 911 operator that he was stabbed. Robin said the man didn't know there was a blade inside the vacuum where the attachments attach. Howard said he should have tried it with his finger first. Howard said he would never put his genitals anywhere like that. Robin read more of the story and said that it severed about a half inch of his penis. Robin said he was intoxicated at the time. Robin read about how they were unable to reattach the severed part of the penis. Howard said if he was doing a vacuum cleaner then he may not have been getting much to begin with.
Next up they played a segment where Robin read about a man who lit himself on fire in front of the White House. Howard said he'd rather be eaten by a shark than go by fire. Robin said the man is not dead but he has burns to 2/3's of his body. Robin had some audio from the scene when the guy was yelling. Howard played some sound effects along with the clip. He had a clip from COPS where the guy was getting zapped by a tazer. Howard and the guys were making their own yelling noises along with that.
Next up they played a clip where Robin read a story about parade permits and how there will be a million marijuana march in the city. Howard asked if Jackie is going. Jackie said no. Howard said it would be great if one of the local channels covered it like the Thanksgiving Day Parade or something. He did some announcing as if that was happening. He announced the floats as they went by and talked about a giant roach and things like that. He was doing both a man and a woman's voice announcing the parade.
In the next clip Robin read about a 16 year old boy who was found dead in his bedroom after he made a sex toy from the fresh heart of a cow and some batteries. Robin said the kid was found with a cow's heart wrapped around his genitals and he had electrocuted himself. Robin said he fried his body when he plugged it into an electrical outlet instead of using a battery. Howard said that's some way to be found by the cops. Howard said he tried a sex toy once but it broke the capillaries in his penis. He said it took him like 5 minutes to figure out he needed lubricant. He said they didn't say you needed it in the instructions. He said he'd try that heart thing, he'd just use batteries. He asked Gary to make that happen for him. He said he'd try it as long as he doesn't get fried.
Robin read a story about a woman whose husband was 6'9'' tall and bought a casket big enough for him. She went to the funeral and found that they had cut off his head and stuck it between his legs. Howard said they could have just cut off his feet or let them hang out of the coffin.
Next up they played a clip from 2009 when Howard talked about the Spider-Man musical. Here's my rundown from that day:
Robin's News. 06/15/09. 9:55am
Robin read a story about Spider-Man the musical. Howard said he doesn't like this idea at all. He said he likes Spider-Man but the idea of them singing is so horrible. He said that this is so ridiculous and absurd that it will not be successful. Robin said that Bono and The Edge are writing the music for it. Howard said it doesn't matter, it's going to fail, it has to fail. Howard made up some songs for the Spider-Man musical. He did that for a few minutes.
Today's vacation special was over around 10:55am.
Jon said Stuttering John went to Scott to help him with that tape but he had busted Scott's balls for years there. Scott said he did but he didn't have any resentment toward him. Jon asked what the worst thing he ever did to him was. Scott said gluing the phone down was probably the worst.
Jon asked about the tape that he kept that John asked him to delete. Scott said he was going to do it but then he figured that saving it would be the best thing to do since Howard told him to never throw anything away. He said what he did was copy and paste it and showed John that he had deleted the original. Jon asked if he felt he betrayed his trust. Scott said if he really wanted to keep it secret then he shouldn't have told him. Scott said he didn't think it was ever going to go anywhere because it was so bad. Then out of nowhere he announced he was leaving the show.
Jon asked what pushed him to play the tape for Howard. He said that it was ballsy as hell to do that. Scott said it was the ultimate F-you to John so he did it. He said that's the way the show works. He said he was in such shock that he got the job that it couldn't have been from that tape. Scott said he has worked with professional announcers and he was asking if they were really hiring this guy. He said it was only because he had worked on the Howard Stern show that they hired him.
JD said he had a little area where he did his stuff and John had him play him the intro for The Tonight Show so he could hear how Edd Hall did it. He said he didn't tell anyone about it though. He said it wasn't his place to say anything.
JD said he has never seen Scott so happy since that day when he said he had that tape. Scott said he told the guys he had it and he explained how he still had it after he claimed he had deleted it. Jon said this is the first segment they'll be playing after the Wrap Up Show today if you missed it.
Sal asked what John said to him that day. Scott said John was pissed. He couldn't believe he would do such a thing. Scott said he just said ''You know what... fuck you.'' Sal said it was the ultimate revenge.
Benjy said that this wasn't really a prank though. He said John pranked him and he got back at him by playing a tape. Scott said John was the king of throwing people under the bus so he was just doing the same thing to him. Scott said he would ask John not to say things to anyone and he'd go right to Gary or Howard and tell them.
Jon said that he was exposing John to get his balls busted by everyone. He said he thinks it was fair though. He said it wasn't wrong. Scott said that they had a lot of things going on between the guys there at the show and he had it coming.
Scott said he only did it because John quit. He said if he never got the job then he wouldn't have played the tape for anyone. He said it was only because he quit that he brought it out. Shuli figured that Scott would sell him out in a minute if he had a chance. Scott seemed to agree with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Fred's impression of John was great. He said he was happy to hear Scott standing up to people in that clip.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that segment was so funny he almost dropped a pot of coffee. He said he thought it was really good stuff.
Jon asked Scott if he tried to help John at all when he was recording. Scott said he didn't try to help. He said he would just tell him he sounded good.
Sal asked if Scott is pleased that John is not the announcer anymore. Scott said he's not surprised. He said John has no talent and he's where he should be. Jon said he doesn't agree with that. He said he had an amazing deal out there and he kept a job there. He said he had a job there on the Stern Show for 15 years too.
Jon said that John got an amazing deal out there and that's a life changing opportunity. He said that Howard said he wasn't mad at John but he was mad at Jay Leno for the way he did that whole thing.
Jon said that you want to be up front with your employer but you also don't want to ruin the chance at that job. He said there isn't a right or wrong answer there about how John handled it. Shuli said he doesn't think that Howard would go out of his way to ruin it if he found out ahead of time.
Sal said he doesn't think Howard would put a stop to it but he could have made Jay feel like such a dick that he wouldn't hire John. Benjy wondered if that's what Jay wanted to do though. He said he thinks that Howard felt he was trying to fuck with him but that's the way it turned out.
Jon said the other thing John did while he was there was never ask Howard to keep him there. He said he may not have gotten the same deal he got out there but he could have given them the chance. Jon said he thinks Howard was pissed at John but more pissed at Jay Leno.
Benjy said there had to be a thought in John's head about pissing Howard off. He said Howard is very loyal to them and he may not have expected it to blow up the way it did. Jon said he thinks it was worth it to him to blow up that bridge.
Jon said when he was listening to the interview Howard said John could have asked him about it at dinner or something. He said Howard called bullshit on that. He said Howard told John he could have brought it up with him personally. Sal said he finds that all to be bullshit on John's end. Shuli said it was life changing and he's not sure why he wouldn't bring that up to Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Scott came at John pretty hard and it was great. He said he has to give him credit for that. He asked Scott if John made his last four days there a living hell. Scott said he was cold but it wasn't a living hell. Scott said that he didn't know that was getting the job. He said he thought he was only submitting a tape.
Jon asked JD, Benjy and Scott about what it was like that day after the announcement. JD said he never really dealt with John that much. He said he didn't socialize so he didn't see him much after that. He said he can't remember how it was. Scott said John was really upset with him but he told him not to worry about it because he already had the job.
Benjy said he didn't remember this part about how long he was there. The guys said he was there for a week. He took one week as a vacation week. Benjy said he remembers John trying to say his side of it and why he did what he did. They went to a break after that.
Jon moved on and took a call from a woman who said it seemed Howard was kept in the dark about the whole thing. She said that Artie, Scott and even Robin sounded like they knew about it. She asked if everyone is afraid to tell Howard about things like that. No one said anything. Jon said it's not just Howard. He said it's like that with the big boss anywhere. He said you don't know what the ramifications are going to be. Shuli said it's a big deal when you're going to a new job and you don't want to upset the guy.
Jon asked if the caller if she agreed. She said John was so polarizing and she's glad he's gone. She asked if anyone there still talks to him. Benjy said he does but not regularly. Jon said he thinks Gary stays in touch. Shuli said they reached out to him in the news department but he never got back to them.
Sal asked if Scott is glad he's out of work now. Scott said he really isn't. He said he has a family to take care of and he doesn't want to see that for anyone. He said John is a classic example of someone falling upwards. He said he gets into these positions and he keeps getting better and better. Jon asked if he was good at his interviews. Scott said he was great at that. He said he had balls to ask anything. Jon asked if he thought he was good at hosting ''Out to Lunch.'' Scott said he forgot about that. JD said he saw John doing that and he was basically just reading.
Jon took a call from a guy who said whenever John got cornered he would throw people under the bus. He did that in the clip they played. He said he would just go after everyone if he was in a corner. The caller said he thinks that John put Jay in a bad spot just like he put himself in a bad spot.
Jon said John was trying to play it so no one was hurt. He said anyone who is in a tough spot tires to throw people under the bus. He said Ronnie does that and so odes Sal. Sal said sure. Shuli said it's like drowning and pulling people down with you. Benjy said he doesn't think he does that. He said he tries to argue if someone is arguing with him. Shuli said he does deflect and he tries to change the subject. Benjy said
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if it made it easier for Scott to give up the tape when John announced he was leaving the show. Jon asked JD what his demeanor was like that day. JD said Scott was so happy and he couldn't tell enough people about it. He said he even brought him over to his computer to show him where he hid the file. Sal asked what was going through his mind at that moment. Scott said he didn't think he was going to submit it as an audition for the Tonight Show. He said he didn't laugh while he was recording it. He said he was trying to help. He said he didn't think he was really submitting it though. He said he made it seem like an agent just wanted to hear what it would sound like. Jon said it's a good thing Scott saved that tape. He said they're all thankful for that. They went to break a short time later.
Scott also said fuck Ronnie for saying that he was a pussy for not driving as fast as he did. He said he did at least 130 miles per hour and that's very fast. He said his wife was concerned for him and he had to take it easy. He said Ronnie was doing at least 180. He said Ronnie has done that his whole life though. Scott said he just went with the flow.
Jon brought up the confession game segment and mentioned some of the things they confessed in that segment. Jon said some people break your balls over the confession but Artie sets the bar very high. He said that has to be frustrating for some people. He said that Robin had taken up the hobby of finishing furniture and it hasn't been brought up since then. JD said he didn't even know that.
JD said that someone had a confession that was pretty wild and he had one that was pretty tame. He said Howard got upset that it wasn't that great of a revelation so he kept going and going and revealed way too much that day. He said that's when DaBadAss thing came out.
Jon said that Scott had some big revelations on the day that they did that. He asked Scott if he regrets what he did. Scott said of course he does. He said he did it so revealing it wasn't so bad. Jon asked what Benjy's revelation was. Benjy said he was trying to remember what Scott's was. Benjy said he got his stomach pumped in the hospital and he had a guy holding his dick in his hand in the hospital.
Jon said Sal's was pretty wild too. Sal said it was but he'd like to leave it at that. Benjy said Will had things on Artie that he still hasn't revealed. They're not sure if that will ever be revealed. Jon said with that they're going to end the show. Everyone got in their plugs and they were done around 11:45am.
Stuttering John Live From The Miracle House. 9/27/00. 6:10am
Howard had Stuttering John out at a house in Perth Amboy, New Jersey where a family claims they have an image of the Virgin Mother in showing up in their window. John was outside of the place trying to figure out if he could go in this early in the morning. After a couple of minutes he walked in to the building and right to the apartment. After a little bit translating Spanish he was able to go right into the apartment. He was led to the window but wasn't able to see anything. No one around him spoke English and John's spanish is kind of rusty so it was hard for him to communicate. He tried to see the Virgin Mother but it didn't happen. Then he found out he should be able to see it from outside. Gary said that he heard that this guy Ramone who lives there is supposed to be able to walk today because the image is going to cure him from a paralyzing accident he had last year. At one point this guy Vladimir called in and translated for John over the phone. It didn't help much because they found out nothing. John said that they had religious pictures hanging all over the house. Howard asked him if there were also pictures of the Easter bunny and Santa Claus along with all of the others. John just laughed.
After taking a break Howard came back and had John with a guy who claimed he could see the image. He described seeing a woman holding a baby and said he could see the face. The E! cameraman that was with John said he could also see it. John said he didn't see it though. People in the area get pissed when people say they don't see it. Some guy told John that he's afraid to see it.
John ran across a white guy on the street so he put him on the phone with Howard. Howard tried to find out what the big deal was. The guy started talking about why God would stick the Virgin Mother in a window. It was just a bunch of nonsense though. John eventually said he thought he saw what everyone was seeing but it looked like a man to him. One caller said it looked like an oil stain when he saw it.
John questioned a woman on the street about why she was there. She said she just wanted to see what it was but she wasn't seeing anything. Some guy was there telling everyone that they just don't have faith. By 6:50 John said that there were about 30 people standing there. John questioned a bunch of people and there weren't that many people who saw anything there.
Rex Ryan Video Discussed. 01/03/11. 6:45am
Robin said that she's not sure what went on with Rex Ryan. She said she heard a few things about it but not much. Howard said there's a video out and it shows that this guy really loves his wife if you ask him. He said he had been worshiping his wife's feet or something. Howard played some audio from this video that's out and Rex is speaking and the wife is siting in her car with her feet out the window. Howard said that they're role playing and Rex is a cop and she's just a citizen with her feet hanging out the window. Rex tells her she has really nice feet. Howard said that's really creepy to him. He said he never looks at Beth's feet. He said that he just wants to fuck.
Howard played bits and pieces of the audio and he'd comment on them as it went along. Rex touches the feet and tells the woman that they feel really good. Howard said this was funny shit. He said that he must love her though so god bless him. Robin said that they could do this without taping it. Howard asked Robin if she would head for the hills if she had a guy into her feet like that. Robin just said ''Oh please...''
Gary came in and said that they were dying for the Jets to lose this weekend so they could have a headline of ''De-feet-ed.''
Howard played some more audio from the video and had Rex asking to see the woman's driver's license. Howard said that you'd think she'd just ask him to fuck her and get off of her feet. Robin asked why they had to make a video. Howard said that life was too easy and perfect. They needed a complication. Howard said that he couldn't just coach the team. Howard said that if they posted this on a web site then what the fuck were they thinking? He said that if someone stole it then that's fucked up. Robin said that sometimes these people post that stuff because they think their buddies are into it too and no one else will see it. Howard said he wants to get the other guy from the video who smells her feet. He wondered if that guy fucked her. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said that this guy is getting off on all of that.
Howard said he doesn't want to share Beth with anyone else. He wouldn't want to do anything like this. He played more of the audio and the woman is complaining that her feet are itching. JD came in around that time and told Howard that they say on the profile for them that the wife has a hairy pussy. He said he thinks that they may have been looking to hook up with other couples so that's how this video got out.
Howard said that they have so many good things to do today. He said he has a new call that Sal and Richard did with his Dick Clark impression. He said that's very funny. Howard said that he has to take phone calls too. He said that he's going to end the show around 10 so they're starting news at 9. Howard said they do a 4 hour show so that's enough. Howard said that they do 5 hours and he's not sure why. He said that he should be able to end it at 10. He said he walks around woozy all day long. He went to break after that.
Sal's ''Ex-Spear-A-Mint.'' 02/27/06. 9:55am
Gary wanted to request that Howard play a prank call that Sal made. Howard wanted to move on to the news but he figured he'd play that before Robin started the news. Sal came in and said that he decided to do an experiment to see if he could fit in with the black community. Howard goofed on Sal about the way he was saying the word ''experiment'' because he said it about 10 different ways. Sal didn't get why they were goofing on him though. Howard asked him how he could miss the word.
Howard went on to play the call where he did his ''ex-spear-a-mint.'' In the call Sal was using a modulator voice so his voice was really deep. He was throwing around the N-word with the guy and trying to convince him that he was a black guy he knew. The guy knew that he was a ''cracker'' and that he had looked through the white pages to find his number. Howard thought Sal sounded like a black guy in the beginning and he's surprised that he didn't fool the guy.
Sal was saying that he went through an X-Ray class and found out that you have to turn up the voltage on the machine when x-raying black people because their skulls are thicker. Artie asked him if he learned that from his father at the pizzeria or in school. Sal swears he learned that in class. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Programming Notes, Prank Calls And More. 02/27/13. 6:30am
After the break Howard came right back and said they're looking for a new theme song for the show. They have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner. You can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard said on GEEKTIME this week they're going to have that guy who was cut off by the Jaws music on the Academy Awards. He's going to finish his speech on GEEKTIME.
Howard said they got a lot of email about Alex Jones appearance on the show yesterday. He said a lot of people liked hearing him on the show. Howard had some audio of Alex crying on the air from his own show. Howard laughed during that clip. He said you have to love that guy. Howard played a song parody featuring his crying clips. That was to the tune of ''Crying.''
Howard said the guys made some prank calls using those clips too. Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard calling a Tradio show and using the crying clips to make it sound like their father was upset about their lost dog. The host was asking what street they live on and they just kept playing the crying clip. The host eventually hung up on the guy as he was crying.
Howard said he loves the commercials they play on that show. They all have echo. Howard said that's awfully cold for the host to just hang up on the guy. He was crying. Howard said that wasn't very nice to hang up on a guy who lost his dog.
Howard said Tradio is so weird to him. He said Sal called in and offered up the serial number for a product he was trying to sell. Howard said the guy didn't even ask why he would need that. Howard played that call next. In the call Sal called in and offered up a toaster for sale and he gave out the serial number. The host just says ''Okay'' and lets him read it off. Sal reads off a serial number that goes on and on and on. The host tries to cut him off but Sal keeps reading the number. They hang up on him and then Richard calls in saying he sounded like a hippie who toasted his brain on grass. Then he asks for the serial number for the toaster.
Email, JD's Online Sex Life And More. 01/09/13. 8:40am
Howard said that he has some email to read. He said that he read that Lance Armstrong is sitting down with Oprah next week. He said no one comes there to talk about that shit.
Howard said that Debbie the Pet Lady is upset with them. She thinks they don't want her on the show anymore. He read the note she sent and she says she won't call them anymore. Howard said she never really calls anyway. Robin said maybe that's the calls she makes to the back office.
Howard wondered what to do next. Robin said she thought he had the Letterman on Oprah clips. Howard said he does have that. Howard said he had those songs that were turned into opera songs. He replayed those.
Howard said he has a JD Gangnam Style song parody. He played some of that and said he asked JD if he's still DaBadAss online. He said that JD told him that's dead because of what they did with him on the air. Howard asked JD what he is now online. JD came in and said he has plenty of Letterman stuff to listen to. Howard said that's right. Howard asked where JD said ''undo your tampon'' like you hear in that song parody. JD just let out an ''Ugh.''
Howard played more of the JD DaBadAss song parody. JD said he's done with that. Howard asked if he has a new name. JD said he's done talking about that. Howard said he still goes to online sex sites. JD said he does but not as much as he used to. JD said that he won't talk about it. Howard said he must have a new name. Howard said he should be ''Formerly known as Da Bad Ass.'' JD said they don't have to get into this. He said he did create a version of it since he's had it since he was in high school. Howard said that he dropped DaBadAss but he had to come up with a new name. JD said he's not going to get into it.
Howard said he can't believe that JD wastes his money on sex sites. JD said it's the same stuff he was doing before. Howard asked what it costs. JD said it varies. He said he doesn't pay $7 a minute like Howard thought. JD said that the max he'll go is about $4.99.
Howard said the fans hate his long hair. JD said he's been reading all about it. Howard asked when he came up with the new name after DaBadAss was dropped. JD said he doesn't know. He said he has some numbers in there now and it's totally something no one would know. Howard asked how often he's going online to get sex. JD said it might be once a week. Robin wondered what her Christmas gift went to. Howard said it goes right down his pants.
Howard said if JD is on for 10 minutes then he has to do some math to figure out what it's costing him. Howard said it's like $50. He said he would just whack off to YouPorn. JD said that's good and he does that but he likes interacting with someone else. JD said that we're all different with what they get off on. Howard said that Beth asked if he beat off the night before. He said he told her no and she asked if he was sure. Howard said he might have beaten off. He said he doesn't like to admit it. He said it's embarrassing. JD said it's embarrassing admitting it even when you're single.
Howard said it's embarrassing to pay a chick 50 bucks to jerk off. Robin said he could lave his apartment and go get a girl. Howard said it's not that easy. He said that she has no idea. Howard said JD would have to sedate himself to be calm enough to get a girl. Howard said he would have to take a ruffie to sedate himself. He said he'd be asking for someone to rape him. Robin was cracking up at that.
Howard asked what web site is the best to go to. JD said he's not going to get into that. Howard said he wants to know how he decides. Robin said he'll end up with a guy on the other end again. Howard said that has happened. JD didn't seem to want to get into that again. Howard did his JD impression and had Fred doing the voice he does when a woman's voice cracks into a man's voice.
Howard asked Robin what JD brought up. Robin said that she brought up the guy on the phone. JD said that was for the film festival. He said he won't fall for that again. JD said that he's pretty thorough and this guy fooled him with a real girl's voice. Howard asked JD if he won't tell him the name of a good web site to go to. JD said he doesn't want to bring it up. Howard asked why he cares. JD said he doesn't want anymore investigation going into him. Howard said he can put a stop to that. JD said he won't go to that MyFreeCams.com site. He said that it's not that good even though you can see them for free. He said it's like gang banging the girls on cam. Howard asked why he doesn't like it. JD said the girls won't do things until enough guys tip. Howard said he thought they could get private chats. JD said they might have it but you have to have tokens on the site. He said he doesn't like that. JD said that it was so complicated he didn't want to deal with it.
Howard said he'd be afraid to give out his credit card on the site. JD said he's nervous about it but he hasn't had a problem. Howard asked if the girls can see him. JD said no. He said if you let them they can but he doesn't let them see him. Howard said JD must tell them that he's hot. JD said he doesn't do that. He said he doesn't really say anything about himself.
Howard asked if he has an online relationship. JD said no to that too. He said he has girls he will go to but it's not a relationship. He said that it's about as much as seeing your favorite stripper. Howard said he thought he was anti-social but he's really not. Howard said he's surprised he didn't bring one of the girls to the Christmas party.
Howard asked if he gets jealous of other guys taking her time. JD said he doesn't wait. He said he can go find another one. He said he's looking to get in and out quickly. Howard asked if he can keep track of the time he spends in there. JD said he can check it. He doesn't keep track of it though. Howard said that would be so depressing to keep track of that.
Howard said that JD doesn't make a lot of money and he should be investing. He said he should put money into a money market fund. JD said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard said if he had invested in Apple a few years ago he'd be a millionaire now. Howard said he's spending $150 a week on porn. Howard said that's a lot of money. He said it's like $600 a year. Howard said that's like $60,000 a year. Robin said that's too high. Robin said that's more like $6,000. Howard said if he had 6 grand a year to invest that's great. Howard said if he had done that for the past 10 years he'd have a ton of money. JD said he doesn't think about that stuff.
Howard said Scott DePace thinks about that stuff. Scott said he will help JD out. He said he'll make sure he's maxing out his 401K. JD said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard said that Scott can take this kid under his wing and spend 2 hours with him. He said he knows JD is hard to take but just teach him about the 401K and how to take $150 a week and invest it. Scott said he'll have him do what his financial guy tells him to do. Scott said he's still young enough to go aggressive and the market will come back eventually.
Howard said if JD gets crazy Scott can blow him and keep him under control. Scott said he won't be doing that. Howard thanked Scott for the help. Howard asked JD if he has a 401K. JD said he does. He said he doesn't know what any of it means but he gets a statement. He said he didn't think he could touch it until he leaves there. Robin said you don't touch it, you save it.
Howard told JD to sit with Scott ASAP. Robins said JD didn't know anything about web cams but he figured that out. JD said there's a difference to figuring that out and figuring out money. Howard said it's no harder to do the money thing. He said he's a mad genius of masturbation. Robin said he should be doing something that does him some good.
Howard said JD must be in love with one of the girls. He said that he has to talk to him off the air. Howard asked if any of these girls have dogs. JD said he doesn't want to talk about this. He said he's done. Howard asked what the girls names are. JD said he won't talk about that. He said he has to go talk to Scott DePace about financials.
Howard asked JD how he beats off and types. JD said this is not good. He just said ''Ah, whatever...'' He told Howard to stop freaking him out. Howard said he has to do that. He said he obviously doesn't have any mentors. Howard asked if JD has ever forgotten to log off and he has a huge bill. JD said that hasn't happened.
Stuttering John Live From The Miracle House. 9/27/00. 6:10am
At around 7:55 John was back on the phone. He said that there were a bunch of candles lit there and Howard was amazed that people kind of know what to do when they go to something like that. John put a couple of people on the phone with Howard but they were just rambling religious stuff to him. One woman got upset that Howard wasn't taking it seriously and just got off the phone. At one point an angry guy approached John so John said he'd put him on the phone. Then the phone went dead. Mike Gange came in and told Howard they weren't able to get John back on the phone. A short time later John got through on another phone. He said that the guy was the brother of a woman Howard had spoken to earlier. He came over and took the phone from John and proceeded to smash it on the ground. John said they followed him to his car to get his license plate number.. but his car didn't have one on it.
Howard had John go back in the house one more time before he left. John went in and described a bunch of people with their hands on the window praying. Howard told him to do the same thing. John went over and did it so Howard told him to start crying. John then pretended to cry like a little baby. He said everyone was staring at him so he started laughing and got the hell out of there.
Tony Capasso's ''Godfather'' Trivia. 9/27/00. 8:15am
Tony Capasso, the Maitre D from Val Bella (spelling?) restaurant in Greenwich, Connecticut came in to play some trivia games with Howard. Tony is a huge ''Godfather'' movie fan and he can answer just about anything about the movie. He claims that he's only seen it 5 or 6 times. Howard said that if anyone could stump the guy he'd give them $100 but that kind of fell apart during the segment. Tony asked tons of questions about the movie and hardly anyone was able to answer them. He knows things like ''What time of day did Sonny hit Bruno?''.. 4am. I wasn't able to keep up with all of the questions because I don't follow the movie that close but the guy was amazing. He knew the names of songs that were played as well as everyone's name in the movie. A bunch of people tried to stump Tony but they were all unsuccessful. There were some people who were able to answer his questions but none of them could stump him. Howard spent about 20 minutes with Tony and by the end of the thing he was doing general trivia questions which were just as impressive as his ''Godfather'' questions. Howard eventually had to end it because all of the questions were making him nuts.
An Impromptu Dance Competition. 04/10/08. 7:10am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a bulimic hotline with Jeff the Vomit Guy audio clips. Howard came back after that. Fred was playing a new Madonna song (4 Minutes) that Howard hadn't heard. He listened to some of that since it sounded so important. He said he was watching Snoop Dogg on American Idol Gives Back last night. He said that Snoop wasn't doing much more than just saying ''Yeah, yeah... put your hands in the air'' and stuff like that. Howard said that this Madonna song was good until Madonna started singing.
Howard said he kind of likes Kevin Federline but not in this Madonna song. He said he wouldn't even know how to dance to the song if he heard it. He said he'd just stand there and watch the girls dance. Robin wanted to see him dance so Howard got up and demonstrated what he'd do. Robin asked him what he would do if he actually heard the music and danced in time to it. She told him that was some dance he was doing.
Howard anted to see Artie dance so Artie got up and did some moves. Howard said that Artie is actually good. Robin said that he was making a face and Howard said that it looked like the face he makes when he shits.
Gary said that he's been told that JD can actually dance. JD came in and said that he doesn't dance. He doesn't know what they're talking about. JD told Howard he didn't know what they were talking about and he doesn't know what to do. He did a few moves but the guys started throwing shit at him. Howard told JD he wasn't all that bad. Howard tried doing some of his moves and JD told him to just do that all night.
JD showed him what he does when he goes out to clubs. He was staying with the beat and not being spastic according to Robin. Howard said he felt like a little nerd dancing like that. He did some more of his moves and said that's what Beth sees. He had the guys laughing at him as he was doing his moves.
Howard told JD that he was pretty coordinated. Artie said that Howard would still get the pussy if he went out to the same club. Howard reminded everyone that even Ryan Phillippe wasn't able to get JD laid. Artie said he got a text from Ryan saying that this JD stuff was hilarious.
Howard did his JD impression and goofed on him a little bit about hanging out with Ryan and not getting laid. He said that the club was near closing time when he went over there.
Howard heard that Jason is the worst dancer there so he had him come in. Jason said that people do make fun of him dancing. Howard had him do some of his moves. He told him to do the real moves when he started. Jason said that he was doing his real moves. Howard thanked him for that and then had JD do some moves for Robin so she could judge all of them. Howard said he was going to do his stuff next. JD did his moves for a few seconds and then Gary asked if Robin could be part of the competition. Robin didn't want to dance, she just wanted to judge.
Howard wanted Gary to dance so he came in and did a few moves. Artie said Gary dances just like any guy at a Bruce Springsteen concert. Fred said he doesn't dance so he wasn't going to do it. He said that he's not a dancer and he's not dancing, he hates it.
Howard had Artie dance instead of Fred. Artie took off his jacket and did some of his moves. Howard said that he was actually great. Artie was moving even though the music had stopped. He was winded a few seconds later. He tried to request a song but he sounded like he'd just run a mile.
Artie requested ''It Takes Two'' by Rob Base. Howard asked Artie if he was going to be okay at that. Artie said he'd be fine. He danced a little more and Howard told him he was actually good. Robin said he wasn't that bad. Artie got the most time to dance out of the rest of the guys. Gary thought they were high saying that he was good. Howard told Artie to sit down because he was so out of breath. He had to make a stop at the couch before going to his chair.
Scott the Engineer came in and showed off some of his moves. He said that he used to do that stuff when he was a DJ. He wasn't too bad. Howard said that he was up next and went over and showed off some of his dance moves.
Howard anted to see Ronnie the Limo Driver dance. He came in a few seconds later and Artie said he looked like he'd just stolen some apples with his buddies on the Lower East side or something. Howard thought he was pretty good. Artie said he felt like he was about to die.
Artie wanted to see Benjy dance but Howard said he didn't want to see that. Robin said that she thinks that JD had the coolest moves of all of them. She thought that Howard was locked up too much and wasn't moving around enough. Artie was number 2 in the dance contest. Howard told JD that he's got to come back and show him some moves later on.
Howard wanted to see Lisa G dance too so he called her into the studio. He wanted Ronnie to dance with her but Lisa wanted to dance with Artie. Lisa said that the way a man dances in the way he moves in bed. Howard said that Artie would be winded in bed then. Lisa and Artie danced a little bit and she was rubbing into his penis. Howard said she can really move.
Howard said that Lisa can really move and he's impressed. Lisa wanted Robin to come out and dance but Robin said she's with Fred and doesn't dance. Howard said that Lisa's move was very sensuous. Lisa said she used to take lessons. She said that dancing is the best way to work out.
Lisa said that Artie wasn't rubbing his penis on her because his belly was in the way. Howard was watching the replay of the dance and he said that Artie was lifting her shirt up. Artie said that he looks like a hippopotamus in that video.
Artie said that Lisa wants him and she's really sexy. He felt her stomach and he's probably finish in a second with her. He said that she's kind of like Dana with her body. He said that Dana will look like her in about 40 years. Lisa goofed on his weight a little bit.
A caller told Howard that when Artie was dancing his radio fell out of the docking station. He had some fun goofing on that for a minute.
Howard Loses His Mind Over Censoring. 2/6/01. 9:45am
Howard had a woman on the phone who wanted some advice from Robin about anal sex. She said she wants to surprise her husband with anal and she wanted to know how she should get into it. Howard and Robin gave her some quick advice and for some reason the delay button was hit by Andre the Censor. A listener called in and told Howard about it and he went nuts. He said that he didn't say anything wrong and they didn't get explicit. He yelled and screamed for a couple of minutes until Andre came in and told Howard ''Don't shoot the messenger... blame the FCC.'' Howard blames Andre because he's hitting the delay on things he shouldn't be. Howard freaked out for a few more minutes and said that he wants out of this 5 year contract he just signed. He said his agent convinced him to sign it and it was obviously a mistake.
Writer/Director/Producer Judd Apatow Visits. 05/24/07. 9:00am
Howard came back from break and brought in Judd Apatow who has a bunch of movies in development. Robin said that Judd looked a little serious when he came in. Howard said that maybe Judd is used to having his ass kissed and this would bring him down to earth. He went right into the questioning and asked Judd what he thought about The Cable Guy bombing. Judd said he was shocked because he got a lot of laughs out of it. He said he started getting the reviews when the movie was coming out and it was shocking to him. He said he's still shocked that people didn't like The Cable Guy. Artie said that he loved the movie and thought it was great.
Howard said that Judd also wrote and directed a bunch of movies and also did some TV shows. Judd said that he did ''Freaks and Geeks'' and ''Undeclared'' and other things and realized that all of the projects he was doing were losing other people millions of dollars.
Howard said that Judd actually interviewed him when he was 15 years old. He said that Judd called and asked him to do an interview back then when they were at WNBC and he actually did it with him. Judd said he did that with a lot of people like Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno and a bunch of others. He said they were all on before they had their big shows though. Howard was the biggest dick of everyone according to Judd. He said that he couldn't believe he got 10 seconds but he only got 4 minutes of an interview. He actually had some tape of that interview. It was from 1983 or 1984. Howard said it had to be 1982.
Howard played the audio where Judd asked Howard about his philosophy about his show and how it was pretty loose already. Howard said it was going to get looser and looser and they were just trying to be themselves. Howard told Judd that NBC would get uptight about the stuff he did on the air and they'd suspend him. Howard said he eventually blows Judd off in the interview. Howard said he didn't know the guy was going to grow up and be somebody. He played the end of the interview where he blows Judd off after doing a few minutes with him. Judd was asking Howard about his guests and Howard was giving him short answers and eventually just said he had to run and thanked him for the call.
Howard was pretty polite and said he gave Judd more time than he gave Gary's dinner party. Howard asked Judd why he didn't make him appear in any of his films. He asked Judd what his problem is with his acting. Judd asked him what's going on with his movie career. Howard said he's got a lot going on there on SIRIUS. He said if he wrote him something funny, he might just work for him. Judd didn't think he'd be interested. Howard said that he gets stuff from a bunch of hacks, if Judd wrote him something, he might actually do it.
Howard said that Judd has 9 films in development and he's got this new movie ''Knocked Up'' coming out on June 1st. Howard read that Judd was actually doing stand-up comedy for a while and he was actually roommates with Adam Sandler for a while. He had Rob Schneider and David Spade living right nearby as well. Judd said that he was friends with him right around the time that Adam was blowing up into a huge star. He said he wasn't much of anything at the time and didn't have the charisma that Sandler did.
Judd said that he'd watch people like Jim Carrey doing their thing on stage and he knew that he could never be like them. He and Howard talked about how there are a lot of people who just hang on to their comedy careers way too long. Judd says that Adam Sandler would make prank calls while they were just sitting around. He said that he was obsessively making phony phone calls in a way to amuse himself and others. He said he would make a call to a credit card company and tell them that he had been robbed in a violent robbery and he'd keep them on for a long time just jerking them around. He said he recorded some of them and still has some on tape.
Judd said that Adam would call up a comedy club and complain about the comedians there just to jerk them around. Judd said he'd call up as a woman claiming that the comedian had said that he'd told her that her husband had no cock and jerk them around. Artie said that's the kind of stuff that Adam did in his early albums. Judd said that Adam would even make the prank calls when he was home alone, with no audience.
Howard said it sounds like Judd was hanging out with the right people back then because he was friend with Ben Stiller. Judd said that he was with him when they got the show at FOX and got put up against ''60 Minutes.'' He said they knew they were going to fail up against that show so they had jokes about being canceled in the promos for the show.
Judd said he worked for Roseanne Barr for a year and it was kind of weird. He said they had to think about what a 40 year old woman would talk about. He remembered writing a joke about stretch marks and things like that back then. He said he remembered Tom Arnold saying something to Roseanne as a joke when she asked him if she wanted her to get implants. Tom said he married her the way she looks so he obviously didn't care about looks and that made Roseanne snap. He said she kicked them out of the room and they heard things being thrown around for a few minutes. He said they were called back into the room a short time later and Tom had a 4 finger sized gash across his head. Judd said they were asked if they thought Tom was joking around. The other guy said he did so Roseanne said he was just trying to get the shot for this special they were shooting and ran out of the house they were at. Judd said 10 minutes later they'd be acting like nothing ever happened, it was crazy.
Judd told another story about how Roseanne was asked to lunch with Jesse Jackson and Tom wouldn't let her go because he thought that Jesse was going to fall in love with her. Judd said he got paid very well back then and was living the high life. He said that Roseanne was really funny and treated him very well at that time.
Howard asked Judd about working on The Larry Sanders Show because he was there when he did the show. Judd said he remembers listening to Howard's show the next day to hear what he thought about the whole thing. He said he was the ''butt boy'' who was hanging around Gary the whole day they were shooting it. Howard said he didn't know what was going on back then and didn't know who anyone was. He did remember Gary trying to figure out why he'd be eating yogurt in the scene and spending way too much time thinking about it. Howard said he loved that show.
Howard said that Judd has done a lot of TV shows over the years and they get critically acclaimed. He said that ''Freaks and Geeks'' was like that. Judd said he thought that show was going to be huge but he was wrong about that. Howard also saw his wife, Leslie Mann, who was very attractive in the picture he saw.
Howard talked to Judd about some of the chicks he's done over the years. Judd said he was with this really hot chick one time and he only lasted about 5 seconds before he was done. He said it's very embarrassing to do that. They also talked about Judd's wife and how hot she is. Judd said that she's beautiful and hilarious too.
Howard asked Judd about this new movie of his and Judd gave him a quick rundown of what it was about. They have some other movies coming out like ''Superbad'' that's coming out later this summer. Robin said she saw a preview of that movie and it looks like another Napoleon Dynamite type of movie. Judd said the movie is very dirty and hilarious and they were trying to get it made for 8 years. He said they finally got it done. He said he always thought the movie would be great but it was so dirty that he never thought they'd make it. Howard told Judd he's very happy and proud of him as a fellow Long Islander.
Howard gave Judd a plug for this new movie, and even for ''The 40 Year Old Virgin'' because he liked that so much. Artie said he loved the poster they had for that movie because it was a close up picture of this nerdy guy who looked like he could be a 40 year old virgin. Judd said that they had a publicist who did that poster and it made the movie look like it really wouldn't suck.
Judd was telling Howard that Steve Martin was a big inspiration for him. He said that he saw Steve Martin outside of his house when he was about 12 years old one time. He said he asked for a pen to get an autograph and ran up to him and asked. Steve said that he couldn't do that at his house, otherwise people would come up and ask him for autographs. He said he didn't know why he was like that back then but now he realizes why he didn't do it. Judd said he actually wrote a note to Steve telling him how bummed out he was about the whole thing. A few months later he got a book and a note from him saying that he didn't know that he was ''Talking to THE Judd Apatow'' so he figured that made his life because he must have made Steve laugh. Howard said he got to go to dinner with Steve Martin one time and it was huge for him.
Howard wrapped up with Judd and gave him some more plugs for ''Knocked Up'' and then went to break.
First up they played a news segment where Robin read about Audrey Meadows being admitted to Cedars-Sinai hospital in Hollywood. Robin had some audio of someone speaking about her being admitted. That led to Gary telling Howard that she hung up on Howard when he tried calling her to get her on the show. Gary said she said she would never do the show. Gary said Audrey and the guy who played Spanky hate Howard. Gary said that the guy from that show Hazel hated Howard too. Howard said that was Mr. B. He asked who cared anyway. Gary said that was about 10 years ago that he tried to get him on the show. Robin read more about what was going on with Audrey and how it looks like the end for her. Howard said that show, The Honeymooners, was a great show. Howard said she was really good on it.
Howard said in honor of this they'll have Scott the Engineer come in and give a 3 cigarette salute. Howard said he usually doesn't allow him to smoke in there but he will for this. Scott came in and said he had a fresh pack with him. Howard said they're Merit cigarettes. He asked him to pack them and then smoke 3 for the almost late Audrey Meadows. Scott took them out, lit them up and smoked all 3 at once. Fred played Taps while Scott smoked. Howard said he's the Flying Wallendas of smoking. Howard said that's a really disgusting habit. He kicked Scott out a short time later. Howard said Scott had all three of the cigarettes together. He said he thought he'd spread them out. Howard said maybe they can have him see how many he can get going in there at once. He said they can play ''Flight of the Bumble Bee'' while he's doing that. Howard said his smoking is really entertaining to him.
Robin wondered if they should vote on whether or not Audrey will make it through the weekend. Howard said he thinks she'll be gone. Howard said if anyone else wants to bet they can. Howard said she could be gone as they speak. Howard said maybe they can call Cedars and find out how she's doing. Howard had Gary get them on the phone.
The next news clip was Robin reading about a rap battle that broke out at Hot 97. Robin read about how it was a couple of crews including Lil Kim's crew and another. Robin said they were trying to identify who they were. Howard said Lil Kim is little but he heard she has a big posse. He said he heard her posse got licked. Howard said he's never seen her posse before. Howard said he understands her posse smells good but it's not as tight as the other posses. Howard said he could go on all day with this. He kept making posse jokes. He said that he'd have to leave her posse at least once a month. He asked if anyone fingered her posse when the police were asking about them. Jackie was chuckling at all of the jokes. Robin tried to do more news but Howard still had some posse jokes. Howard said Robin is the only one in the room with a posse. Robin said he hasn't seen her posse. Howard said Mr. X sees it. Jackie said Mr. X is in it. Howard asked who else is in it. Robin said there have been different people at different times. Howard said her father wanted to be in her posse. Robin said that's just not right. Howard said someone filmed Robin in the shower with her posse. Robin said it was filmed without her knowledge.
The next news clip was Robin reading about kids watching TV and how it can affect them. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that. The woman suggested never putting a TV in your child's room. Howard said he needed one in his room to get away and chill out. Howard said he watched so much TV and nothing affected him. Artie was joking about the TV he watched like ''Alf'' and fake cracking himself up.
Robin read a story about a stalker that was going after Ryan Seacrest. Howard said it's crazy how many stalkers go after assholes. Howard said the stalkers are out of their minds. Howard did an impression of what that guy might have sounded like. Howard said he meets so many assholes. He said these guys think they're doing something nice for him. Artie was still doing an impression of some character and coming up with ideas for Howard for the stalker thing.
Robin read a story about Jay Leno's failing prime time show. Howard did his impression of Jay talking about that. Robin read through the story and Howard kept doing the Leno impression. Artie was still doing the impression of the annoying guy during that story too.
The next news clip was Robin reading about how thinner couples have better sex. Artie said ''Tell me about it...'' He said he has had sex with a girl and he can't imagine she gets off on it. Howard asked if he thinks he's given any woman an orgasm with his weight. Artie said he'd be surprised if he ever has. Howard said he has to have at some point. Artie said he never asks. Artie said he concentrates more on the other stuff. Howard asked if they get off on that. Artie said it sounds like it. Howard said he feels bad for Artie licking some chick. Artie said he loves that. Howard asked if his belly bangs on the chick. Artie said it always has. Howard said he saw a picture of Artie with that Lee the Stalker guy and he looked really good in it. Howard said he looked like a teenager. Artie said that no one ever told him that he was good looking until now. He said when he's heavier he's very self conscious after sex. Howard asked if he wears his shirt during sex. Artie said sometimes he does. He said sometimes he finishes and the jizz sticks under his stomach and it looks like icicles or a glacier. Howard asked if there's any way to prevent that. Artie laughed and said he can't believe he just said that on radio.
Robin asked how he does the whole disrobing thing with women. Artie said he keeps it pitch black in his apartment. He said he has lamps over his bed and he can make himself look less grotesque. Artie said he puts powder on when it's hot out and he takes his shirt off and he looks like a mime. Artie said he likes to keep his shirt on so the chicks don't want to play with his tits.
In the next clip Robin read about a guy who took a dump on a plane. Here's my rundown from a This Date in Howard History replay:
TDiHH: Executive Dumps On Plane - October 25, 1995. 10/25/12. 7:20am
Next up on This Date in Howard History they played a segment from 1995 when Robin read a news story about a guy who took a dump on a flight.
In the clip Robin read a story about an executive who had taken a dump on a plane. Robin said the guy was taking drinks from the service cart after he was told he couldn't have anymore. When the crew stopped him he started threatening them. When a female attendant refused he pushed her into a seat. Then he climbed on top of a service cart and dropped his pants and then defecated on the cart. Robin said he used a linen napkin to wipe himself and then wiped his hands on various things in the aircraft and then tracked feces around. Howard was doing his Jackie impression along with Billy West talking about dumping like that. Howard and Billy kept going with the Jackie impression as if he was the one dumping on the plane. Howard made some doody jokes like Jackie might do. They were laughing about the story and making up things that Jackie could have done as that guy.
Today's vacation special was over around 10:55am.
JD said he thinks from 1998 to 2005 or so is when he spent that money. He said it wasn't in just one year. Benjy asked if he's cool talking about it now. JD said he's really not. Jon said it was a long time ago. Benjy asked how much a typical session cost. JD said it depended on what web site it was. He said they charge by the minute. He said he's done $100. He said that might be 20 minutes or so when he's talking to someone. He said he really doesn't like this talk at all.
Jon asked JD if he establishes a relationship during those calls. JD said sort of. He said Will can recreate it fine. Will was doing an impression of him talking to the girls. JD said it all depends on the situation. He said the girls don't see him while he's doing his thing.
Will asked what he talks about. JD said it all depends. He said that everyone is different. Jon asked if he ever turns the camera on. JD said it all depends. He said he prefers not to.
Jon asked if this is creepier than what Sal did by going to the booths. Will said this guy is trying to meet a wife on these things. JD said he doesn't fall in love. He said he would go back to the girls he liked though. Benjy asked how the break up happens with those girls. JD said sometimes they don't live in the same state. Benjy asked if he always wanted to meet the girls. JD said sure. He said he'd like to meet any of the people he talks to. JD said it was just one problem of many that he didn't go further.
Will asked if he ever met any of them in person. JD had to think about that. He said no. JD said he doesn't think so. Jon asked if he went by his own name or DaBadAss. JD said he may have said his name. Jon asked if they said their names too. JD said they did. Jon asked if he had a relationship with any of them. JD said there were some. He said he was able to meet some of the girls not on the porn web sites. JD said they didn't know him from the show. He said they just knew him as JD.
Shuli asked what kind of bad experiences he had. JD said there was the guy who made the film festival movie.
Jon asked if he has changed the way he does anything. JD said he tries to be more cautious with the offline stuff. He said he tries not to go to web sites anymore but he has weak moments. He said he doesn't go out much so there are times when he does.
Benjy asked if he goes to free sites still. JD said there are no free sites really other than Facebook. JD said he would like to meet someone local but it hasn't happened yet.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD if he thinks he has an unreal expectation of real women because of this porn thing. JD said yes and no. He said he may be too forward with women at times but that's him trying not to be in the friend zone. He said he doesn't want to just have friends. Shuli said he gets that. JD said he thinks that women have more unrealistic thoughts about him. He said he doesn't just interact with porn stars. Benjy said there are also strippers. Benjy said as a hobby it would average out to about 100 bucks a month. He said it's not that much.
Jon asked Will if he thinks JD has changed at all with that stuff. Will said he thinks that this whole thing is a double edged sword. He said JD is known for being on the show and he thinks he can get women who are out of his league. Will said he thinks that Elisa Jordana's interest in Benjy came from him being on the show. Benjy said he believes in being an advocate of the people he supports. He said people are excited about celebrity and they have a bit of that there.
JD said it's almost easier to talk to someone who knows him from the show. He said they know something about him. He said it's hard to bring certain things up that he's done on the show. Benjy said he knows what that's like. He said when he was single he worried that they might Google something.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she can't believe that JD's porn is sadder than what Sal does. She said that Sal gets jizz on his ear and shoes and all of that. Jon asked if the caller thinks JD is better off with someone who has heard the show or someone new. The caller said she thinks it's better if it's all out on the table at the beginning. JD said he agrees with that. He said it's just easier to talk to someone like that. He said he was talking to someone who hasn't heard all of that and they were taken aback a bit. He said they're still talking to him though.
Shuli said he went to the booths once and a minute went by and he had to get out of there. He said he hasn't been that scared of the vagina since he started having sex. He said Sal walked out talking about how great it was. Jon said he thinks Sal gets off on the seediness of the whole thing.
Benjy asked Jon if he ever made that decision not to masturbate. Jon said he never had that decision. He said it just was. Benjy asked if he has impulses to do it. Jon said he doesn't think about it one way or the other. Benjy asked if he was a masturbater growing up. Jon said he wasn't. Benjy asked if he's ever done it. Jon said he has. He said he doesn't condemn anyone who does it. He said when he gets the need he has his wife for that. Jon said he's been married a long time.
Sal came in and asked if he's ever jerked off to Romper Room. Jon just kept going and told Sal about the discussion they were having about the booths and what JD does. He said he thinks Sal gets off on the grunginess of the whole thing. Sal said he does get off on that. He said he likes the voyeurism and things like that. Sal said it's dirty and gritty in there. He said he likes the mystique. Sal said after the 100th time you're just doing it to do it. He said it got to the point where he just did it to pass out on the train on his way home. He said he'd toss one off and then hop on the train and pass out. He said you can't hide a DVD at home anymore. He said he used to label his VHS tapes as KISS and Beastie Boys concert tapes but he'd put the name of the porno in the title. He said he'd have something like ''KISS Back Door Tour'' and things like that.
Will said he went to a peep show when he was like 15 and it was so depressing. He said that they had women talking about their kids and guys were reaching in and touching them all over.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she'd like Will to shut the fuck up and leave JD alone. Jon asked if she thinks he's picking on JD too much. The caller said she thinks so. Sal asked if this is one of JD's cam girls. The caller said she's just a superfan of the show and of JD's. Will said he's sorry for picking on JD. Shuli said this is just going to get him a bigger beat down. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Howard has toned it down a bit and that's the best thing. He said you should just take it easy and try to stay with the beat a little bit. He said that's if you can feel the beat. Jon asked how Shuli would describe Ronnie's dancing. Shuli said he'd say spastic. He said Ronnie loves leading conga lines and things and he does a lot of screaming and yelling.
Jon said Scott the Engineer was also dancing and he used to do that when he was doing the DJ thing. Jon asked if anyone has ever been to one of his functions. Benjy said he was at a holiday party. He said he thinks Scott is great. He said it was a huge room though so it kind of sucked. Benjy said Scott was on one side of the room and everyone at the party was on the other side. He said Joey Boots was there too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they get upset when Howard goes off on religion. He said he hates hearing him trashing god and Jesus. He asked if anyone in there gets upset. Jon said that Sal is the one to ask about that. Sal said that it's between you and your spiritual leader. He said everyone can express what they want when they want. He said if you're going to offend someone then be prepared to be offended.
Benjy said there are people who are so sure there is nothing more than they are aware of. He said he finds that hard to believe. Benjy said he can't believe that an intelligent person doesn't believe there could be something more than they know.
Sal said that if something adds to your faith then you should just do it. Sal said it's all good and so be it. Shuli asked if Sal has ever experiences something where faith was right in his face. Sal said no. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks that the reality of pissing on a woman wouldn't live up to what he thinks it would. Sal said he doesn't like pissing on women. Jon said with that they'll wrap up the Wrap Up Show. He had the guys all get in their plugs and ended the show around 11:35am.
Artie Sings AC/DC Songs. 03/07/2003. 6:00am
Howard said Adam West is coming in today and he's thinking of becoming Fartman so he and Batman can call Iraq. They also have AC/DC coming in to perform. Next week they have Spice Girls Geri Halliwell coming in as well as Lisa Marie Presley and a few others.
Artie asked if he could have a beer during the AC/DC performance. Howard told him that's fine. Howard played some AC/DC to warm everybody up and Artie was singing along to ''Back in Black.'' Howard told him he was actually pretty good singing that song. Artie says they're one of his favorite bands of all time. He sang along to a couple of other songs too. Artie said he wanted to do ''Hell's Bells'' so Howard played that one. He also did ''Highway To Hell'' for them.
Robin suggested that The Losers cover one of those songs when they do the Battle of the Bands against wrestler Chris Jericho. Howard was calling Artie ''Artie/DC.'' Howard said they could go on tour as an AC/DC cover band. Artie had the vocals down and that's the hardest part. Howard suggested doing a 10 song set of AC/DC songs when they go out to Las Vegas. Robin thought they were nuts.
A listener called in a short time later and said he was trying to find a bridge abutment to drive into since Artie was singing. Howard played a few more songs and let Artie yell out the songs. Artie had Howard laughing pretty hard a couple of times.
Howard said he's not sure what he'd do in the band if they do cover the AC/DC songs. Howard said he might be able to play drums. He said they could go to some club out there in Vegas and perform for a few people. Robin said she hopes they actually do it. Howard wanted to rehearse some stuff but they don't have drums set up there. They have bongos so Howard asked for that instead. Artie said he'd like to play ''Dirty Deeds.'' Fred played guitar while Howard pounded on the bongo. Artie forgot the words and just started making noises until he came to the chorus. Howard said they could charge $100 a head at the club.
They tried a second song, ''Highway to Hell,'' and Artie remembered the words to that one. Howard was ready to go at that point. Scott the Engineer came in and asked Howard if he was being cut out of The Losers again. Howard told him that he was being cut. He was playing the bongos just fine. Howard said they can call themselves ''Hell's Bells'' instead of The Losers. Howard said they could play ''You Shook Me All Night Long'' as their closing song. Howard and Fred started to play the song but Artie forgot the first line. They started in the middle of the song instead so Artie could remember the words.
Howard decided to stop so they shouldn't give it all away for free on radio. Artie said a cool move would be to schedule a show and then cancel it because of throat problems. Howard said they just need a couple of hours worth of a sound check and they'd be set.
Howard took some phone calls after that and let some people goof on Artie. There were some people who thought he was pretty good too. Howard took a break a short time after that.
Matt Paxton From Hoarders Calls In. 03/07/12. 7:20am
After the break Howard came back and said he'll be happy when he says ''Hey Now!'' all the time. He said he calls Ronnie and says that to him and he knows what he means. He said you just need to reduce everything to ''Hey now'' and it'll be good.
Howard said that he has this guy Matt Paxton on the phone. Howard said Matt is on TV. He's part of the ''Hoarders'' TV show. Howard said he doesn't watch the show but he is fascinated by hoarders. Howard said Ronnie's mom would save every paper bag she ever got. He said that he spent almost a whole month cleaning that stuff out. Gary's mom did the same thing with newspapers. Howard said she cried when Gary cleaned her house out.
Gary said his mother would save boxes inside of boxes and she'd say she was going to use them at Christmas. Gary said that her closet was full of boxes stacked up to the ceiling. Howard said Ronnie spent months cleaning his mother's house. She saved everything.
Ronnie said he had forty, 40 gallon bags of garbage. He said he had to have 3 trucks come to take away the garbage. He said this was a 2 bedroom apartment. He said she had canned goods that were exploding. He said she would just keep putting the stuff in the closet and it would pile up. He said that the cans in the back were exploding because they were so old.
Gary said that he had a friend who had a dad who had 400 coffee cans full of rubber bands, nuts and bolts, some were filled with nothing. Howard asked how old he was. Gary said he was probably a depression era guy.
Gary said his mother would use a paper towel and put it to the side to dry. He said he had to tell her that they can afford paper towels.
Ronnie told Howard about his mom washing Styrofoam take out boxes and save them. He said he had to go through every piece of paperwork in the house. He said his father had a business in 1959 and she had all of the paperwork. He said he found money in some of the paperwork. Ronnie said he found change and dollar bills and stuff like that. Ronnie said that his mother had heart surgery at 75 and he went in an cleaned out her apartment. He said she moved back in and got pissed when she saw what he did. Ronnie said his mother would go shopping and she'd buy shirts for him from Macy's and places like that. He said she would never open it. He said she'd keep them as possible gifts.
Gary said that his mother would go into her room and go through her stuff to find a gift for you. Gary said his mother used to hide money in the radiator. He said he knew that the money was there but she'd hide it.
Howard said that Hoarders is fascinating to him. He said Matt is one of these guys who figured out that no one wants to clean up after a hoarder. He said that Matt worked on his own for a while. Matt said he works with families like what they were just describing. Matt said they found $13,000 in change in one lady's house. Matt said he was broke and he had a 3 year bender and this was how he started over. He said that no one would clean this stuff up so he figured he'd do it. Howard said Matt gets paid to go through these homes. Matt said that they aren't sorting through papers to find change anymore. He said they clean up dead cats and recycled adult diapers and things like that.
Howard asked Matt about how much he charges. Matt said it starts at $15,000. He said they once had to clean up 45,000 pounds of human feces. Matt said that they just cover it up and don't get rid of it. He said they believe that they're going to clean it up the next day but they never do. Howard asked how often he has to clean up like that. Matt said every week he has to do that. He said he's in full biohazard outfits now. He said they have a lot of clean ups like that now.
Howard asked if they're normal people. Matt said they are normal people who had a rough go at life. He said he has to act like it's no big deal to him. He said that if he embarrasses the person then they'll kick him out.
Howard asked how they find him and if they tell him what's going on there in their home. Matt said that a family member or someone like that will call. Howard asked if they're livid that you're taking their shit out of their house. Matt said that it is a wall of safety and they don't want to be judged. Howard asked what the smell is like. Matt said it's a very citrus and urine smell. He said that they keep their urine in bottles around the house. Matt said they enjoy it though. He said that they're all recovering addicts and they enjoy getting grossed out every week.
Howard said he'd need to get high if he was doing that every week. Matt said that he has a house and children he can afford now. He said he gets paid to help people now. He said that's a pretty awesome thing.
Howard read about some dead cats he had to clean up and how they were all wet so they just fell apart. Matt said that was a tough one. He said he once saw a kitten crawl out of human feces. He said that was tough too. He said cats are survivalists and they will do what they can to make it.
Howard said Matt once found $13,000 in change in a rats nest. Matt said they found that rats don't eat money. He said that they weren't sure if there were rats in the nest but they could see the holes they were going in and out of. He said the nest was like 6 feet high. Howard asked if they come and bite you and try to attack. Matt said they didn't that time. He said that they had given up and left the house years ago. He said that the money they find goes back to the people.
Howard read about how they found $45,000 worth of savings bonds in a woman's house. She thought she had nothing but she had $45,000. Matt said she had no idea that they didn't expire, they matured.
Howard asked Matt how he got on TV. Matt said that someone told the producers about what he does and he got on. He said that he's not an educated man. He said he's 36 and a recovering addict. Howard asked what it's like to clean up 45,000 pounds of shit. He said that it must take years. Matt said that's at least 10 years of 3 or 4 times a day. He said you can't take that stuff to the dump either. He said they have to destroy it all as medical waste. He said it has to go to an incinerator. Matt said they had a house the other day that had to be destroyed. He said that the place was so bad they couldn't salvage it. He said they had to burn it and not just knock it down.
Howard asked if hot girls are ever hoarders. Matt said they must start out as young people. He said that it can take 15-20 years to work it up to what they have to clean up.
Howard said Matt once found a guy who hoarded kiddie porn. Matt said they thought he was a nice guy but they found some really aggressive stuff in the house. He said they had to call a cop and ask what to do. He said they had to call the cops. He said that the guy went to jail for 3 years and when he got out he called them to come and clean his house again. Matt said they told him to fuck off because they didn't want to go back there.
Matt said he has guys who have murdered people on his team but they won't work with child pornographers. He said that's the worst.
Howard asked if they've ever found a dead body. Matt said that they did. He said that the smell is very unique and you never get the smell off your body. He said he shaved his head and eyebrows to get the smell off. He said that's all you smell once you smell it.
Matt said they were doing foreclosures in DC and that's what they found in this one place. He said it had to have been at least 120 days. He said the guy had killed himself so he was just sitting on a chair. Matt said there are some hoarders who will yell at you and try to hit you. He said that he had a 70 year old woman try to swing at him. He said that he had an 80 year old guy who had been beating his wife and he punched him in the face.
Howard asked Matt if he's been to prison. Matt said he hasn't. He said he had a gambling problem but that's done now. Robin asked if people stay clean after they clean up. Matt said if people go to therapy they have a 60 percent chance of staying clean. He said if they don't go then there's 100 percent chance that they don't change.
Howard said that Matt's show has the season finale this Monday night on A&E. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he knows a hot chick who is a hoarder. He said she keeps bags and food and stuff like that. Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks he worked with Matt in St. Louis. He was an exterminator on one show. Matt remembered him from that show. Howard said there must be a lot of bugs in the hoses. Matt said they had to block their ears and assholes in that house. He said they had brown recluse spiders and cockroaches in that one. The caller said the stuff was raining off the ceiling. He said they had to spray down the walls with hoses in that house. Matt and the caller spent a little time talking about what a great kid it was living in that house. He was only 13 years old. The caller said they came in and sanitized it but it's still not cleaned up. Matt said that if the family had the option they should just tear it down. He said A&E can only do so much though. He said that they have to put a lot of money into the therapy after. He said that they're going to go back to the house regardless.
Howard asked the caller if he's coming out to see him at AGT. The guy said that he will be there. Matt said that guy, Will, is a really good guy. He said he gave his services to that family for free.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Matt is afraid of things like Hepatitis. Matt said if they see needles in a house they will walk out and refuse the job. He said he won't die for someone to clean up after them. Howard thanked Matt for the call and gave him a plug for Hoarders and for his podcast web site 5DecisionsAway.com
Howard took one more call for Matt from Sour Shoes. Sour asked if the poo is in buckets or on the floor. Matt said sometimes it's in the open or on the walls and sometimes it is in buckets. Howard said he may have to have Matt come out to clean up JD's office.
Howard said that's some crazy stuff. Robin said they do say that to start a business it's best to find something that no one else is doing. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Beetlejuice Visits. 03/13/13. 7:30am
Gary said they have to get Beet in there. Howard asked where the fuck he is. Howard said they brought in a stenographer, Laura Stebino, who will be writing down what he says. Howard said that Beet is dressed like the pope today. Howard asked how he is. Beet said he's just a guy, that's all. Howard said they have a black guy who might be pope. Beet said that he just feels like it so that's why he's dressed like that.
Howard asked Beet if he knows he's black. Robin was wondering. Beet said of course he knows. Howard said that woman over there is writing down what he says. Howard said she can read it back to him if he needs to find out.
Howard asked Laura what he's said so far. Laura read back some of what Beetlejuice said. She said that it might take a while. Beet said he could do it in 5 minutes. She said he said something about going up to god. Howard didn't hear that. He said he may have to hear that back if he misses something.
Howard asked Beet how he's doing. Beet said he's doing good. He said nothing is wrong at all. Howard said he wants to tell him that he has a lot of plugs because he's working a lot in the next couple of weeks. Beet said that business is good and pussy is good. Howard asked Laura to read that back to him but said he was just kidding.
Howard asked Beet where he's living. Beet said he's living with Bobby for a little while. Howard said he heard he's moving back in with his mom. Beet said he has been with her a couple times. He said he's going back and forth. Howard said that's a busy lifestyle. Beet said he has to work.
Howard said Beet plays many instruments. Bete said he has a couple of times. Howard said he's going to play Beet playing the violin. Beetle said he's played that since he was 6 years old. Howard said this is an actual concert clip. He played Beet playing ''Flight of the Bumble Bee.'' Beet said he's played since he was 6 years old. Howard asked why he doesn't come in and play it there. Beet mumbled something.
Howard played some of Beet playing guitar. It was an amazing guitar clip. Beet said he's been playing guitar since he was 8 years old. Howard asked if he's a savant. Beet said yeah. Robin asked if he could do that right now. Beet said he doesn't have his guitar right now.
Howard said Beet plays trumpet too so he played a clip of a pro playing. Howard said that's a jazz band he's playing with. Robin asked if he plays anything slow. Howard asked him about playing the harp. Beet said sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's not. Howard played another clip of Beet playing harp. Beet said he's been playing that since he was 6 years old too. Howard said he loves it.
Howard said he plays another instrument and that's the tuba. He played a clip of that and Beet said he does play that. Howard said he can't believe Beet is going along with this.
Howard said this is an amazing story. He said Michael Bay called him in for a meeting to be part of Transformers 2. Howard said his manager says this story is true.
Howard had the guys bring Bobby in to talk about that. Howard asked what happened when they met with him. Bobby came in and said that they got a call from the casting director. Howard cut him off and asked Beet if he fucked Megan Fox. He said something about that and Laura had to read it back to Howard because he didn't understand.
Bobby told Howard that Michael Bay is a big fan of Beet's and they wanted to meet with him at Princeton University. He said they wanted to use his voice as one of the characters in the movie. Bobby said that's Beet's alma matter. Beet said he went there in 1981.
Bobby told Howard that Michael Bay showed up and had a laptop with him. He said he got out and told Beet he's a big fan. He said he showed Beet a character on his laptop. He said it was one of the robots with Beet's voice. He told him to check it out but Beet was in one of his moods. He said Beet said ''good for you'' when he said he was a fan. He said Beet said that clip had nothing to do with him. Howard asked what set him off with him. Beet said he asked him why he didn't just leave or put him in the movie. He said he can put his own fucking voice in it. Howard had to have Laura read that back to him.
Howard said Laura is a good stenographer. He said she's a genius. She only has 22 keys to use and she got all of that down.
Howard asked Bobby what happened next. Bobby said that Beet told Michael Bay ''Yeah, fuck him.'' He said that they never got called back. Beet said that the guy was an asshole. Howard said he's heard that before. Beet said he was acting like a tough guy so he took him out and laid his ass out.
Howard said what he loves about him is that he isn't a show business phony. Howard said he doesn't care and he will tell someone what he thinks of them. He said Beet knew that he had millions on the line and he still did that. Beet said he was acting like a tough guy so he knocked him the fuck out. Howard asked Laura to read that back to them. Laura read what Beet had just said.
Howard asked Bobby if he told Beet that he was meeting with this guy and he had to have some respect. Bobby said he tried to tell him that he was a friend and they knew him from years ago.
Howard asked Beet if he just doesn't like people. Beet said that he was trying to act like a tough guy so he knocked him out.
Howard asked if Beet is living with Bobby. Bobby said he's living in Georgia with his mother but he's up for a visit for a couple of months. He said they booked him with a few gigs while he's up there. Howard asked if he's tough to live with. Bobby said that he is kind of tough. Then he said he's fine because Beet was giving him the look.
Howard asked where Beet would prefer to live. Beet said he likes living with his mom. He said he never fights with her. He said he has his own room and his own space with her. He said he never says anything to her. Howard asked if he can have women over in his room at his mom's house. Beet said he can bring girls in when she's not there. Howard asked if he can smoke in front of his mom. Beet said he can do that and drink too. Beet said he's a grown man so he can do whatever the fuck he wants.
Howard asked Bobby how he controls that situation. Bobby said he will just get up and go to a movie theater sometimes. He said that's about half a mile away and he'll just walk there.
Howard said he had Michael Bay on the phone. He picked up and the guys in the back were playing Scott the Engineer yelling clips to get Beet upset. Beet said he'd murder him. He said he'll stomp his fucking ass. Howard said he wanted to give him work and now he's acting like a douche. They had Scott saying ''Tell the fucking truth'' and things like that. Beet was arguing with the clips and saying he would murder his fucking ass in two weeks. Howard said he loves teaming up with Beet when a guy like that calls in.
Howard asked Bobby about Beet turning down Transformers 2. Bobby said it was just a disaster. Howard asked if he called Michael and apologized. Bobby said it was like ''Don't call us, we'll call you.'' He said he may have flushed a quarter of a million down the drain. Howard said Beet is the best.
Howard said Beet has a laundry list of things he's going to be doing. Howard said he's working for a couple of months and then he'll be off for a while. Howard asked how the food is at Bobby's house. Beet said it's good.
Howard said this Sunday they'll be at the Draft House in Long Branch, New Jersey. He said they'll be at the Ronnie Mund Jamaican Getaway soon. He said he'll be making a few other appearances soon too.
Howard asked Bobby if he goes on the gigs with Beet. Bobby said he won't be in Jamaica. He said he has to talk to Ronnie about that.
Howard said Beet will be at the Birchwood Manor in Whippany, New Jersey for a fight event this Friday night. Howard asked Beet if he thinks that boxing is too dangerous. He asked if he's worried about brain damage. Beet said he's not. Howard said that's what he figured.
Howard said that Beet brought in a molded head of himself for Howard. Howard said he's going to keep that in the studio.
Howard took a call from someone claiming to be a woman. Beet wasn't stupid. He said that wasn't fooling anyone. The caller asked if he wanted to meet in the back alley. Beet said he's not falling for that.
Howard asked beet if he had anything he wanted to say today before he leaves. Beet said he had nothing to say. Howard wrapped up and let Beet and Bobby go a short time later.
Billy's Dr. Smith Voice And More. 02/20/07. 7:05am
After that bit they played a segment where Howard was going to be interviewing the guy who played the real Will Robinson from ''Lost in Space'' and Billy West was going to play the part of Dr. Smith. Howard talked about some of the goofy episodes and story lines in those old shows for a few minutes. They also talked about Dr. Smith and how he came off kind of gay on that show but no one was sure if he was gay for real. Billy went into his Dr. Smith voice and goofed on that guy a little bit.
Howard had Bill Mumy on the phone and Bill was playing along with Billy's Dr. Smith a little bit. He said that Dr. Smith was supposed to have been killed off after the 6th episode but they kept him around as the villain on the show. Billy did his voice some more and made a lot of gay references as he was doing that. Howard thought that's the way it seemed to come across on the show. Howard talked to Bill about the people he worked with on the show and what they were like. Billy would throw in the Dr. Smith voice often. Billy got in a plug for his band and the album they had out. He also had no idea it was Billy West doing the voice of Dr. Smith. He was talking about how he had done some Ren and Stimpy stuff recently but had no idea it was Billy doing that voice.
Howard and Bill talked about the show some more and what happened to some of the people he worked with. Howard checked out his band's album and that led to Dr. Smith saying that he was going to get a copy and do his mess all over it. Howard played some of the album while Dr. Smith screamed in the background. Bill asked Billy to give it a rest after a while. He seemed to be getting annoyed with him over it. Howard played another track and Billy went nuts yelling even more. Bill asked Billy how many cups of coffee he had this morning. He was on fire.
By the end of the interview Bill was saying he didn't miss Dr. Smith after hearing Billy's comments. Howard wrapped up with Bill and let him go as Billy was still yelling out as Dr. Smith. Howard figured Bill hated them after all of that. Howard spent a little more time with Dr. Smith before wrapping up that segment.
AC/DC Performs Live In The Studio. 03/07/2003. 8:10am
Before AC/DC came in Howard said this guy Chris called them recently and said he'd do anything to meet the band. Howard said they wanted him to bring in his mother to get naked but he couldn't get that together. So instead, they had Joey Boots come in with two quarters taped to his balls. Chris had to reach in and pull them out. Chris said that wasn't his thing but he'd do it just to meet the band.
Joey came in and said that it was a bit ''swampy'' down there by his balls. He asked Chris to give him a courtesy touch while he was in there. Joey told him that it wasn't gay. Howard told him he had to pull down Joey's pants and then take the quarters off. Gary interrupted and said the original idea was to have him reach in there and feel around for them. Chris wasn't too thrilled with that.
Howard told Chris he had to hurry up because they had to get the band in there. Chris reached in and tried to get the two quarters out pretty quick but it didn't work so he had to go in for a second time. Joey was laughing and yelling as he went in there. Chris managed to get both of the quarters and the tape out on his second try. Howard had the two of them sit in to watch the band after that.
When the band came in Brian shook Chris' hand after it had been down Joey Boots' pants. AC/DC is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they're re-releasing their music catalog so that's what they were in to promote. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them about the Hall of Fame induction. Brian Johnson, Angus Young and Malcolm Young were all there. They said that they're not even sure what they get for being in this Hall of Fame. They said that The Police are also supposed to be inducted at the same time.
Howard brought up their music catalog re-release and asked the guys if they knew anything about what's up with that. Brian said he has no idea what the idea is behind that. The albums have been ''re-digitized'' according to Brian. He said he has no idea what that means though. Gary came in an short time later and said that the albums are ''linked'' so when you put them in your computer, you can go to their web site and stuff like that.
Howard told the guys that they were going to perform and then Artie/DC would play like they did earlier in the show. Brian had written lyrics for ''The Jack.'' That was the first song they performed. When they were done with that song Artie performed ''Dirty Deeds'' along with Howard and Fred. Fred's guitar wasn't on the mic so Howard asked him to get closer to it. He kept telling Fred to get his acoustic guitar but he just kept playing. He eventually got on mic but it was so loud that Howard told him to put it down and get the acoustic again. Fred finally listened to him and did that. They got back to playing the song after that.
Howard said the guys will be playing at Roseland in New York City on Tuesday night so he can't go see them. Howard wondered why they can't do it on a Friday. He also talked to them about their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a minute. He asked them if there will be another album anytime soon. They said they may do one eventually.
Howard started to wrap up the segment but Artie had to sing some more. The guys in AC/DC started to play along with him but Howard asked them to play ''You Shook Me'' to end the segment. They did it but it was a little early to be singing so much. Brian had Artie sing the second verse because he couldn't quite remember it. He joined in and sang along with Artie for a minute. After the song Howard wrapped up the interview and went to commercial.
Extreme Super Fan Trivia Challenge. 02/06/13. 7:30am
After the break Howard came right back and said it was time for the Super Fan Trivia game. They played a theme song for the game. Howard asked who the Super Fan is with the most knowledge. Howard said they have big prizes to give away too. Howard said hello to Carrie Jones first. Howard gave some details about how she's listened to the show since 1995. Carrie said it's not every day. She said she went to college for a while. Howard said she likes every show on the channels but Geektime. Carrie said that Ralph grates on her. She also says that there is too much Jon Hein in there too. Howard said he likes Jon on Wrap Up. Carrie said she likes Wrap up too. Carrie also said that Benjy frustrates her. She said that he just doesn't seem to get the show. Benjy said a lot of people say that. Howard said Carrie is from Cleveland and said she's up a very tough competitor.
Howard moved on to the next contestant, Mark from MarksFriggin.com (Hey, that's me!), who runs a Howard Stern fan site. Howard said he has devoted his life to the show and he keeps a log of every show. Robin asked who is logging now. Mark said that no one is and he should be home. Mark said he's been doing this since 1996 and he used to write about a paragraph and it included his opinion. Now he just writes a rundown without his opinion included. He said it's kind of a free thing that he does. Howard said Mark might have an edge in the contest since he writes everything down. Mark said he doesn't think so because getting the information out of his head isn't so easy. Howard asked if Mark's wife is resentful of this. Mark said that he doesn't think so. He said he gets the feeling that she'd like him to get a job though.
Howard said he hired Mark at one point to write their rundown. Howard said he quit when he didn't want his stuff being edited. He said Howard ended up being angry with them. Mark said it wasn't the editing that upset him. He said it was the time it was taking them to get their updates up on HowardStern.com. Howard said he still can't get it up there on time. Howard wished him luck and moved on to the next competitor.
Howard spoke to RJ Harrington next. Howard asked what makes him a super fan. RJ said he listens as much as he can to the show and he really enjoys it. Howard asked if he thinks he has any chance against these two lunatics. RJ said that he has a ringer in there with this guy that runs a web site about the show. Howard asked what he's going to do with the money if he wins. RJ said he'd like to pay some bills and send his parents on vacation.
Howard moved on to the game and said they have a $5,000 grand prize courtesy of Identity Guard. Howard said they have $500 for the runners up. Howard said it's the 5 grand they're really after. Howard said they're going to ask questions and the contestants have to write down their answers. This first round of questions was worth 5 points each.
The first question was ''The Show's opening theme song is written and performed by whom?'' Howard said that Mark got it right with ''Rob Zombie and Howard.'' Howard said that was a tricky one. Carrie said she almost put Howard's name down. RJ only had Rob Zombie.
Howard asked what size Lisa G claim her breasts are. Howard said Carrie had 34 DD. Howard said that is wrong. Howard asked Mark what he had. Mark had DD. RJ said 34 D. She actually a 30 DD.
Howard asked What Jeff the Drunk's last name is. Everyone got that one correct. Howard then asked what state JD's mother moved to after meeting a man on the internet. Everyone got that one right with Hawaii.
Howard asked what Sal Governale's wife's name is. RJ forgot and had a question mark on his piece of paper. Mark and Carrie had the correct answer of Christine.
Howard asked what Bobo did before his retirement. Howard said that Carrie had postal worker. Mark had Driving instructor that was correct. RJ said he did both and Howard went to the judges for that. They gave Carrie the points for her answer.
Howard said this next one was an audio question. It was America performing ''The Boy with Horse Teeth.'' All three got that one correct.
Howard said these are going to be the 10 point questions. Mark was in the lead with 30 points. He said Carrie had 25 and RJ had 20. Howard asked When Howard and Beth's wedding anniversary was. Howard said they need the whole answer. Howard asked RJ what he had. He had a penis that he had drawn. Carrie had October 8, 2009. Mark had October 8, 2010. Howard said they were wrong. It was October 3, 2008.
Howard asked what Miss Howard Stern's real name is. RJ had Andrea but no last name. Mark had Andrea Ownbey and so did Carrie.
Howard asked what frequent guest's mom taught Beetlejuice when he was young. RJ had O'Connell but not the first name. Mark and Carrie both had the correct answer of Jerry O'Connell.
Howard asked what the name of the TV show where Eric the Actor said ''Keys woman'' was. All three had the correct answer.
Howard asked them to name two of Robin's three cats. Howard went to RJ first. Mark only had Jennifer Aniston. RJ had Brangelina and Leroy. Carrie had Brangelina, Jennifer Aniston and Leroy Brown.
Howard said the game is changing. Mark was in the lead but now Carrie has 65 and Mark has 60. Howard said they have one more 10 pointer and then the 25 pointer.
Howard said this is exhausting by the way. Howard asked what Howard's hair dresser's name is. RJ had Toni Colburn. Howard said that's close but not right. Mark and Carrie both had the correct answer of Toni Coburn.
Howard said the score is 75 for Carrie, 70 for Mark and 40 for RJ. Howard said that they're very close. Robin said RJ can't win under any circumstance. RJ said he's the ultimate loser. Howard told Robin to keep quiet because most of the audience can't do math.
Howard said the next one was going to be tough. Howard gave a whistle because it was going to be so tough. He gave a second whistle. Howard started to ask about the IQ tests but it could have been confusing to them. Howard asked what college Fred Norris attended. Howard said that's a tough one. Howard said he didn't want to have an ambiguous question with the IQ test question.
Howard asked RJ what he had. RJ had ITT Tech on his sheet. Howard said that Mark has dedicated his life to this show so much that he's not even making any money because he has some kind weird integrity because he can't get his postings up. Howard said that Carrie doesn't like Jon Hein. Howard asked Mark what he had on his sheet. Mark had no clue. Howard said he doesn't even work and he doesn't know the answer. Carrie's answer was Westchester Community College. Howard said it was actually two answers. It was Western Connecticut State College and Manchester Community College. Howard said that was a tough one and Carrie did win. Mark was damn close. RJ said he wasn't close at all.
After the game Howard asked the IQ test question and who the staff member was who had the lowest IQ. Everyone would have said Sal. Carrie knew it was 102. Howard said they would have all gotten it right. No one knew who won the Tiger Woods beauty pageant. Howard asked what name was used for Sour Shoes Father when Sour Shoes pranked Steve Langford. Howard asked what football player broke Howard's thumb. Mark said it was Marco Battaglia. Howard said he could have taken it with that one. Howard said he doesn't remember anything about the show. He said he just goes home and tries to forget about it. Howard said he loves the super fans.
Howard got in a plug for Identity Guard, IdentityGuard.com, and told Mark he just won $500. RJ won that as well. Howard said that he can't believe anyone knew any of this stuff.
Howard asked if anyone wanted to say anything. Carrie said a hello to her husband. Mark thanked his wife for putting up with him all these years and putting up with this bullshit. RJ had absolutely nothing to say. Howard warped up and went to break a short time later.
Will The Farter's New Fart Stunts. 03/07/07. 7:55am
Howard had the guys bring in Will the Farter so they could get into his crazy stunts. They played a bunch of fart sounds as he was walking in. Howard said they actually couldn't have Will on the show toward the end of their terrestrial radio run because his farts were ''too wet.'' He said it was an honor to see Will this morning. Will Murray was wearing a surgical mask since he had to be near Will the Farter during the farting. George wondered if he needed a mask too. Howard told him he'd be fine where he was.
Howard asked Will why he was there today. Will had a web site, WillTheFarter.com, to promote but he also had some new stunts to perform for them. Howard had Will demonstrate a few blasts for them before trying to blow into these instruments and toys he was going to be playing. Will let out a few farts that got George laughing pretty hard. Will Murray said that he was very stinky today. Will said he was eating black olives all yesterday so that might be why he's smelly.
Howard asked Will what instrument he was going to be playing today. He had a flute, or recorder, a party horn and some other stuff. Howard wanted to see him do the party horn first. Will sucked in some air into his ass and then stuck the party horn up to his ass and blew. It did make some noise but it was more of a cupped fart sound than a party horn sound. He blew one big one that blew the party horn paper out all the way. It didn't make much noise other than the fart though.
Howard said Will was going to try and blow a bubble with his ass. He put a bubble wand up to his ass and tried blowing it out but it wasn't working. Will tried for a second time after sucking some air into his ass. He tried three times but it wasn't working so he moved on. Will then tried blowing a whistle with his fart. He sucked in the air, put the whistle up to his ass and let it rip. It didn't whistle though. Howard had him try a second time but that didn't work either.
Artie told Will to shove a computer up his ass and see if he could send an e-mail. Will wanted to try playing the harmonica before moving on to the next event. Will blew out some farts and did make some noise with that. Howard asked him to play the Star Trek theme with that but it wasn't going to happen. Robin said that takes a lot of control to do something like that.
Howard told Will he's a great man. He said that Sal was going to come in and try to answer some questions. If he gets them wrong, Will is going to give him some shit freckles after pouring some chocolate in his ass and blowing it on his face. George asked to hear some tunes played with the farts. Robin told him they've done that before and that's nothing new. Will showed him how it's done anyway and played a little ''Mary had a Little Lamb'' with his farts. Howard said he wishes that he could do that.
Sal said he and Richard were supposed to do this together so Richard came in to play against him in this contest. The loser gets the shit freckles. Howard asked Sal ''Name the three boats Columbus used to sail to America.'' He got that right. Howard asked Richard ''Who invented the airplane?'' and he got that right. Sal was asked to name the two oceans that border Mexico. Sal didn't know there were two oceans. He did answer correctly eventually. Richard was asked which President's face was on the dime. Richard missed that one when he said it was Abe Lincoln. Sal got it right with FDR.
Howard gave Will a plug for his web site and asked him what goes on there. Will said he sells personalized videos and even sells his used underwear. He said people will pay up to $250 for shit stained underwear. Sal said he's got a great video where he farts in his cat's face. Howard said it sounds like Will is into some sick shit over there.
Howard went to the final questions. He asked Sal who fought in the war of 1812. Sal said Mousolini but it was countries that they were looking for. Richard was then asked if he knew the right answer. He didn't know either. Both of the guys won some money but Richard lost to Sal so he had to get the shit freckles. Richard said he wanted goggles so he doesn't get anything that would make him sick. Howard asked Will what he was going to do. Will said he was going to lay down, suck in air and then have the guys drench him in chocolate sauce. Then he's going to blast it out and give Richard some shit freckles. Sal went over and tried to take Will's shoes and socks off so he was naked from the waist down.
Will sucked in the air after Richard started dry heaving. Then Richard stuck his head in there and Will blasted out the chocolate sauce. Richard's head was pushed into his ass by either Will Murray or Sal. Will blamed Sal so it wasn't clear who did it. Richard said it smelled like chocolate down there so it wasn't too bad. Robin said Richard rubbed his face on Sal's shirt after he got pushed into the chocolate.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and let Will get in some plugs for his web site. Will got in some plugs for some other web sites like Strangeland.com and YorktowneSports.com. He then asked Howard if he wanted to direct his wedding because he would love to piss off his fiancé's family. They apparently kept talking Mormon stuff and college for him but he wants to just have a wild wedding. Howard said he'd think about that. He had to go to break after that.
Bernie told Howard that he's not always the Bernie you see on camera. He has an act just like Howard does and when he's off camera, he's a different guy. He hasn't had the easiest life either. He was called names by other black kids as a child because his skin was so dark. He spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Bernie also talked about how he lived in a 3 bedroom house with a total of 13 people. Most of them died at young ages and none of them are left now. He told Howard he doesn't have any family to share his accomplishments with. He does have a wife of 25 years but that relationship hasn't been easy either. Bernie said he was on the road 48 weeks a year for 13 years or so. He and his wife have cheated on each other and have gone through not speaking to each other. He said now they're over that stuff and they're best friends.
Bernie told Howard how his mother had cancer for 7 years and never told her kids about it. He said he looks back on that situation and sees that it was a very brave thing for her to do. He didn't see it that way when he was a kid though. Bernie also shared some of the other stories of death in his family with Howard. Howard asked him if he feels like a jinx in any way because so many people in his life have died. Bernie doesn't feel that way at all. He doesn't pity himself either. He's just enjoying what he has.
Howard asked Bernie about how he got started doing stand-up comedy in the subways and parks of Chicago. Bernie said he'd read the news in the morning and go on the subway and do some comedy for commuters. He wouldn't ask for money but he did have a little box that people would fill with cash. He said he could make $500 a day doing that. After 4 or 5 years he decided he wanted to be recognized for this work and started doing this stuff in comedy clubs. He said he even did some comedy at his grandfather's funeral. He said everyone was so sad. He went up in front of the people there and did an impression of his grandfather that got everyone in a more upbeat mood. He said he got a lot of positive phone calls after doing that.
Howard asked Bernie about working with Martin Lawrence in this movie ''What's the Worst That Could Happen''. Martin is ''going through something'' according to Bernie that's making him a little crazy. Bernie thinks it's got to do with Los Angeles and how everything a celebrity does becomes public knowledge. That'll drive anyone crazy. Howard mentioned Eddie Murphy's alleged foot fetish as an example. Bernie started to defend Eddie saying ''Hey, that's my man... Not literally of course...''
Bernie also spoke a little bit about Danny Devito who he said is a great guy. He's working on some kind of project with Danny too. Bernie also mentioned that he'll play a con-man in the movie ''Oceans Eleven'' which also stars Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, George Clooney and many others. He said all of those people were great also.
As Howard was wrapping up the segment he took a couple of very positive phone calls for Bernie. One guy told Bernie not to sell out and become politically correct with this new sitcom he has coming out. He told Bernie that he's really funny just the way he is. Bernie says he's really not a TV guy and he's going to keep doing his comedy no matter what. He'll be touring next year.
First up they played a clip where Howard talked about how expensive it would be to move to the Hamptons. He said he realized you get a house out there and you feel you have to go out every weekend. Howard said he could buy a house closer to the city for less. He said Dominic Barbara told him he could use his house. Howard said he has a feeling he wouldn't like it. Robin said all she thought about was transportation and when to leave to get out there. She said it's one day of freedom and then the rest is thinking about getting there and back. Howard asked who needs that. Howard said if you're Seinfeld you can live out there since he doesn't work. Robin said it's a real hard thing for people who have a 2 day weekend.
Robin said Fred does the commute and never says anything about it. Howard said Fred may not know he's doing it. Fred said it's not for everyone. Fred said he bought something out there but he used to rent for two weeks in July. He said he goes out there when he has time now. He said there are times he won't go there for a month. Fred said it's not a problem for him. Stuttering John said Howard could do it if he left right after work on Friday. Howard said he has other things he has to do. He said his kids don't want to make the drive out there either. Howard said he doesn't want to buy a house and then feel he has to go out there. Howard said he'll try Dominic's house and see how that goes.
Howard said he's already beat from the week. He said he's not sure he'd want to go out there. Robin said if it rains then it would make him miserable. Howard said he gets that one day of relaxation and it has to be right. Robin was still against it. Stuttering John told him not to listen to her. Fred said if Howard doesn't want to do it then don't push him into it. He said he isn't going to argue with Robin about it either.
John told Howard to just drink on the way out there. Howard said he's done with drinking. Robin said it just wasn't for her. Jackie was making fun of Robin about the whole thing and Robin snapped saying she wasn't going to do the news. Jackie said something went wrong. Robin said today is the day and she's not doing the news. Howard asked if she's serious. Robin said she was.
Ralph called in and said it's best to stay in the city because everyone goes out to the Hamptons on the weekend. Howard said the decision is made, he's staying in the city. The guys said that means Ralph can get him to take him out to dinner and treat him.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who demanded that Robin do the news. Robin said it's just a silly thing she does and she doesn't need to bother with it. Dominic asked her to please do it. Robin said she'll come to his house and do it just for him. Howard was about to end the show since Robin wasn't going to do her news. He played the show ending song but everyone still had something to say. They were still trying to figure out what drove Robin over the edge. Everyone was joking about how Robin wasn't really cured after going to therapy.
Howard asked Robin to do the news but she said they should just end the show. She said she did work hard on it but she's not going to do it.
Howard took another call from Ralph who said it was Howard who said something that set her off. He said Robin loves Howard and that's why she did what she did. Dominic Barbara called in again and said he'd give her $2500 for her favorite charity if she did the news. Howard said now they really have to get out of there.
Howard took a call from Vinnie Favale who begged Robin to do the news. Howard said they're not going to do it. Howard said he had an Oscar party and he invited Vinnie and everyone was annoyed by him. He said he doesn't shut up so he's like a chick. Gary said they went to the screening of ''The Sixth Sense'' and Vinnie was annoying there. Robin said she heard a commentary the whole time she was at a movie with him. Howard said Jackie used to be that guy but now he's quiet at parties and things. He said Jackie behaves.
Howard said he had a party and one of these guys spilled chocolate on his floor. He said he has to get his floor resealed now. He said all of these guys are slobs and he can't have another party.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to hear the news. She said she sits through all of that other stuff they do and she wants to hear the news. Robin said she's still not doing it.
Dominic Barbara called in again and told Howard that his house is outrageous and he should go out and stay there. Howard said he really doesn't want to go out there. Howard tried to end the show again. Jackie was doing his Robin impression and goofing on her as they ended it.
Today's unnamed vacation special was over around 10:50am.
Richard explained why he likes all of these teams. While Richard was explaining that he mentioned a friend's name and said he calls him Walrus Wang. He said it's just something that stuck years ago.
Jon said not a lot of people think of Richard as a sports fan. Richard said he's always been a sports fan. He said his dad used to bring them to Kansas City Royals games. He said they'd go to like 8 a year.
Richard said he took Jon to a burger place in Long Island City and they walked by this park in his neighborhood and it's called Sports Field. He said Jon asked if they were going to ''Food Restaurant'' next. He said Jon really got a kick out of that ''Sports Field'' name. Jon said it's a ridiculous name.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to give Richard some respect for trying to represent Kansas. He said at the same time he has to pick just one team. He said KU is the team if you're from Kansas. The caller explained why he should pick KU and why he shouldn't root for the others.
Richard said he just wants something to look forward to in the tournament. He said he agrees that KU is the one. He said his aunt would freak if she knew he was rooting for Wichita State. Jon and the caller spent a little more time talking about that.
Richard asked the caller if he's been to the haunted houses in Kansas. The caller said he has and they're amazing. The caller said there are so many ways you can go in the houses. Richard said the best is the Werewolf forest. He said they got lost in there for an hour once. He said they had to tap a werewolf on the shoulder to ask how to get out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't have time to pick more than one team. He said he goes for just one team. He was with Jon on the teams he roots for.
Shuli asked Jon about his superstitions toward sports and if it drives his family crazy. Jon said it does. He said he's going out do dinner with friends on Saturday night. He said there's a game he wants to watch at 5:15 and he knows that it's going to be ugly if his team loses.
Benjy said that's not really a superstition. Jon said he isn't that bad with them though. Jon said he's very passionate about sports though. Richard said he's passionate about watching a lot of things. Jon said he really is.
Jon took another call from a guy who said this is all about Richard going out to drink. He said it isn't about rooting for a team. He said that he's got triple the opportunity to go out and drink. Richard said he's right. Richard said there's something fun about rooting for a team at a bar. He said it's magical. Shuli said the sports book out in Vegas is a blast at this time of year. He said it's fucking awesome. Richard said there are two KU bars that he goes to and that's what he loves about New York. He said there is a bar themed after any team you want to root for. Jon went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the vibe around the office is when Howard isn't there. Benjy said they're naked. Jon said they're all just doing their work preparing for next week. He said it's business as usual. Shuli said he's in the news office blocking out Lisa so it's all normal. The caller asked if they feel more or less pressure. Jon said it's really not that much different.
Benjy said he thinks that people want to look busy in front of Howard when he walks through. Jon said he doesn't sense that. He asked Richard if he does. Richard said it's like 30 seconds that he walks down the hall. Benjy said he thinks there is a different atmosphere when he's there. Jon said that there is no live show going on from 6 to 10 so people are working on different things. Benjy said they might mess around in the office more when Howard isn't there. Benjy started tickling Richard. JD said that was the creepiest thing he's ever seen.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they saw the North Dakota State game. Jon said he did. They spent a little time going over that.
Richard said Jon is really on it down to the point. He told Jon to tell everyone what percentage he is. Jon said he's at 98.6 percent. He's only missed one game so he's like 19 for 20. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Benjy said Sam Kinison died and he was friendly with Howard. He said that was a real relationship. He said they were close in age so it might be weird for him to look back on that. Shuli said he wishes that Bernie Mac had been on the show earlier in his life. He said he was a great guy and his life was really interesting. He said his TV show was based on his real life. He said he had so many crazy things going on in his life. Shuli said he was an all around great guy and one of his favorites. He said he was a top tier comedian.
Benjy said that Bernie had such a sweet persona. He said he can't imagine Richard every trying to hurt someone and he got that from Bernie too. He said he wasn't trying to hurt people with his comedy. Richard said he loved Bernie in Bad Santa. He said he almost cries when he watches that movie. He said that both John Ritter and Bernie were great in that movie and they're both gone now. He said that's really sad.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard if Sal was jealous that he was on That Metal Show with Peter Criss. Richard said that show will be on this Saturday. He said Sal wanted to come but his wife had to do something so he had to be home. Richard said he told Peter that he's the reason he plays drums. He said when he was 5 years old he got KISS Alive 1 and another album and that's what got him into that. Richard said she got him into rock music through KISS. He said he played drums on the show and it was such an honor. He said it was like magical and amazing. Richard said he loves KISS. He said he liked their earlier stuff though. He said he liked some of the later stuff but mostly the early stuff.
Richard said there's a group of drummers that made him want to play and it was like Alex Van Halen and Peter and others. Shuli said there are a lot of drummers today that throw Richard into their list. He said he went to a studio with Richard one day and they were mixing an album for one of the guys in Lamb of God. He said they had Richard sit down and play for a minute and this guy said he couldn't follow what Richard just did. Jon said that's really flattering.
Jon said Neil Peart came up there one day and they got to walk him around. Richard said that he and Jon were totally geeking out. He said he told Jon not to tell him he even plays drums. He didn't want to get into that. He said Jon did mention it but he changed the subject right away.
Jon said it was time to wrap up the show so he had everyone get in their plugs. They ended the show around 11:35am.