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Howard started the show talking about how he wasn't going to vote tomorrow but he changed his mind. He said he votes every election. He said there are a couple of important things going on in New York. He said there are a couple of propositions. Howard said they want to stop the redistricting there. Howard said that's proposition 1. Howard said they want to curtail that. Howard said there's also a second one that will allow electronic voting. Howard said they do it on paper right now. Howard said he's going to vote yes on both of those. Robin said that local elections have more impact on you than the big ones.
Howard asked Robin if she's going to vote. Robin said she is. She said she votes in every election. Howard asked if she's registered. Robin said she is.
Howard said there's a third proposal that he's voting no on. Howard said they want to invest billions on electronics for schools. Howard said we have so much debt that we just can't do that. Howard said he doesn't want them borrowing $2 billion. Howard said you know they don't have a plan to pay it back. He said you've seen it on 60 Minutes where they have this stuff just sitting in some back room being unused.
Howard said he's going to vote for Governor Cuomo under the democratic thing. Howard said they say that you should do that because there are joke parties. Howard said they want to be on the ballot to be a valid party. Howard said you get a clogged up ballot and this would clear up the kooky parties. Robin said that the governor is saying that they should be backing a women's party. Howard said he was reading about how women bully other women at work more than men do. Robin said she had that. Robin said that woman should have been in the army to teach about torture.
Howard had Casey's corpse on the phone after that. He said he's in the tower of Big Ben over in London. Howard thanked Casey for calling and let him go a short time later.
Howard said the fight continues for Casey and putting him in the ground. Robin asked what is at the bottom of all of this fighting. Howard said it sounds like a bunch of things like money. Howard said he thinks the kids also really wanted to see their father toward the end and there is hatred between Jean and the kids. Robin said she did block them from their dad. She said it's a shame.
Howard said there was another article that was even more fucked up. He said he was reading about Liberia and how horrible that place is. Howard said the civil war over there was resolved. Howard said they elected a woman over there and that's very forward thinking. Howard said that this woman has been rebuilding the country. Then Ebola hits. Howard said he felt so bad for this woman. He said that all of this stuff was happening and then Ebola hits. Howard said that's like when you see an ant colony trying to rebuild after a kid destroys their home with a bucket of water or something. Howard said they keep trying but then they eventually just give up.
Howard asked where the Ebola song is. Gary told him where it was. Howard played the parody where they sing about Ebola over in Africa to the tune of ''Africa.'' Howard said that's Psych of course. Howard played another one from Psych about Ebola.
Howard said everyone is writing songs about everything. Howard said Robin is the one they should be writing songs about. Howard played one about Robin and her double Ds called ''Big Brown Boobies.'' Howard said that's Daniel Mendelson. Howard said he only wishes he would audition on AGT.
Howard said they want to make this final year on SiriusXM a big one. Howard said one of the series they're developing is called Beet Rogers. Howard said this will be on every day or every week. Howard said he can play the promo for Robin. Robin asked to hear it. Howard played the clip and it was Beetlejuice playing a Buck Rogers character called Beet Rogers. They had Amy Poehler and William Shatner playing parts in the play. Howard said Shatner pulls that all together. Howard said those are the kinds of programs you can expect in their final year of their contract there.
Howard played a prank call Sal Governale made to a woman where he just keeps saying goodbye to her but she won't hang up on him as long as he keeps saying goodbye. She eventually hangs up on Sal but then Richard calls and does the same thing. They went to a break after that.
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Howard came back and said he just peed so he feels better. He said he's just aggravated all the time. He said today he's upset about not being a good painter. He said he painted an apple and it just didn't look right. Howard said that he remembers a teacher who made an artist paint an apple a day for a year. Howard said he's in too much of a rush to do that. Howard said he has to be good sooner.
Howard said he was thinking about America's Got Talent and how great it would be if someone came out with Casey Kasem's body as a ventriloquist act. Howard said that would win.
Howard said he was reading the news and they're predicting that the democrats are going to lose tomorrow. Howard said that's what they were telling him on FOX News this morning.
Howard said that hot chick on The Five was saying that she'd date him if he was single. Howard said he would pick up the phone and tell her to get ready if he was single. Robin said she's only saying that because he's safe. Howard said he thinks he can handle that situation. Howard said she's powerful and she's a lawyer and a prosecutor. Howard said she looks super passionate. Howard said some guy should grab her. He said he's not talking about kidnapping her or anything.
Howard played the audio of that woman, Kimberly Guilfoyle, on FOX News talking about how she'd date him. In the clip she said she would date Howard Stern. Howard said he feels he knows her very well. He said he knows where she stands politically and all of that.
Howard said JD has an analysis of the top 5 women on FOX News. Howard said he's very good at writing. Howard said JD can't talk but he can write. Howard said it's ridiculous how good he is. Howard said it can't be the same guy.
Howard said he likes that JD is hard to understand on his microphone. He said they got a lot of email about how bad it is. Howard said that JD has a problem with the way one of the women speaks. JD said she has a masculine way of talking. Howard said JD is talking about Harris Faulkner. JD was saying something that he said he was just kidding about but Howard didn't get what he was saying.
Howard played a clip of JD talking to Mike Tyson in the back office. He played a song parody about JD dropping jizz on his laptop to the tune of ''Drops if Jupiter.''
Howard said that might be Eli Braden's best accomplishment ever. Howard said it's awesome. He did a beautiful job on that. Robin agreed.
Howard said Tim Cook of Apple came out as being gay. Howard said Bill Gates is jealous. Robin asked why. Howard said Bill said he's going to get three blow jobs to get some sympathy. Robin said that Tim cook has had quite a journey so just leave him alone. Howard said he always thought that putting something in the cloud was kind of gay sounding. Howard said so is the name Siri.
Howard said he turned on his iPhone to set an alarm. He said he thinks it's so great that you can do that. Howard said Siri told him it learned a new trick. Howard said now you can just go ''Hey Siri'' and it will respond. Robin said she and Ralph were trying to figure out how that works. She said Ralph has that on his phone. Robin said Ralph was trying to get her to go to a movie and the movie was 2 hours and 49 minutes long. It was the movie ''Interstellar.'' Howard said he was going to go see that. Robin said she can't watch a movie that long. Howard said she has a lifestyle and she's busy.
Howard said Bobo was on a rant on the Wrap UP Show. Howard said it's great. He played the clip and Bobo was defending how great a caller he is. He was putting down the people who complain about him clogging the lines and how they all have jobs. Howard played another clip where Bobo talked about his ''Off the roof'' thing and he said he wanted to take ''homerage'' with that. Howard said he shouldn't use words if he doesn't know what they are. Howard asked him to spell it. Bobo said it was ''homerage.'' Howard told him to look up the word. Bobo said he's not home so he can't do it right now. He said he's in his car right now. He said that he used to go to some park but it's dangerous with the alligators. Howard said he imagines him being eaten and the only thing left his that hair and his notebook.
Howard told Bobo it's umbrage. Howard said he can't say homerage and get away with it. Howard played another clip of Bobo talking about his son not knowing that he wears a wig. Bobo said his kid sees other bald guys and talks about how old they look. Bobo said he doesn't think his son knows. Howard said that's so sad. He said he just wants to look good. Howard said he should just take the fucking thing off and sit the family down and tell them. Howard said he can get a nice crop and just go for it. Bobo said he did that thing in the studio where he told him to keep it on. Howard said that he did that for radio. He said that he can't take homerage with him.
Howard said he went out with a chick who had fake hair pieces in her hair. He said he got blocked by all of the knots in her hair. Howard said he just pulled back. He said she had extensions.
Howard read some email he got about Bobo. Howard had some negative stuff and some positive. Howard said someone wrote that they hope he gets raped by an alligator. Howard said someone wanted more Hanzi and less Bobo and Mariann. Howard said there are people who think that his calls are so lame and he kisses his ass too much. Howard said there are some positive emails though. Howard read some of those and Bobo did get a couple. Howard said someone suggested dumping Bobo and keeping the toupee. Then Howard read more negative emails from people who want him off the show. Howard said he only got one positive so far. Howard read one where a guy said Bobo should kill himself for the good of the show. Howard said another person said he loves Bobo because of how stupid he is. Howard said there are people who think Mariann isn't good on the show too. Howard said they were asking for less or no Mariann.
Howard said Bobo got two positives. Bobo said he doesn't know what these fans want. He said you'd think they'd appreciate what he does but they don't. Howard said that Hanzi is getting a lot of positive stuff. Howard read some of those and people want to hear more of him on the air. Howard said it's just Bobo. Howard said he likes Bobo though.
Howard asked Bobo if he had a question for him today. Bobo said he did. He asked who he thinks will go down as the greatest late night TV show host. Howard asked if he really wrote that down. Howard played the Little Mikey song about Bobo talking off the cuff. Howard said he thinks that the person who will go down as the greatest late night host will be Johnny Carson. Howard said the reason for that is because of his longevity and his mass appeal. Howard said he was well liked by a lot of people. Howard said he also used characters and his monologue was praised. Howard said he loves Letterman himself. He said he loves Jimmy Kimmel and likes Jimmy Fallon too. Howard said he's a friend and a fan of all of these guys. Howard said Johnny will go down as the greatest. Howard said he will go down as the greatest radio personality. Howard said 100 years from now people will still know his name. Bobo said absolutely. Howard said he's going to call Bobo ''Bobo Walters'' and he's going to go down in history as the guy with the worst toupee. Bobo said it's not that bad. Howard said there's a color difference that's just off a little bit. He said it also curls up from his real hair. He said it's also bad because he has a mullet. Bobo said he got rid of the mullet. Howard said no one does that. Bobo said that was from back in the day. He said he doesn't do that anymore.
Howard asked how warm it was down there. Bobo said it was only 48 degrees down there. Howard said that's crazy. Bobo said up in New York he has a house that's at 42. He said that still isn't sold yet. He said it's under contract though. Howard asked if he's really in Florida. Bobo said he is. Howard said he really has to go. He said Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos are there. Howard said that Jerry Springer Show has run a really long time. Howard said he's not sure what he gets for that show but he has to be making good money. Howard said it's the 24th season of that show. Howard said Steve has his own show going now and he's doing well too.
Howard said Steve was in the military and he was a police officer. Howard said Jerry needed a body guard and he used Steve. Howard said that now he has his own show. Howard said his dad was right about how anyone can take your job when you're in show business. Howard said he has a friend who is in TV and he knows nothing about broadcasting. Howard said Steve and Jerry are there so he has to get to them. Howard let Bobo go and played him out with a song parody. They went to break after playing a prank call Sal and Richard made to a guy using Mel Gibson audio clips.
Howard came back and said that Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos are there. Howard said Jerry is going to come in first to talk about the show. Howard said the show has been on for 24 years now. Jerry said the original contact was for 6 weeks.
Howard asked how they knew to pick Jerry to do the show. Jerry said the company that owned it also owned Phil Donahue and shows like that. Jerry said he went to lunch one day with the owner and he was told to host this show. Howard asked if they knew he was going to be an edgier Phil. Jerry said no because it wasn't supposed to be. He said they started out as a normal show. Howard said the ratings must have spiked when they did something outrageous. Jerry said not initially. He said there were a lot of shows on in 1991. Then Rikki Lake came along. He said that they went after the younger kids. Jerry said they were in the third year of the show and he wondered why they weren't going after Rikki's show instead of Oprah. He said they decided from then to do it differently. Jerry said once in a while they had crazy things happening.
Howard said there was a point when Oprah was very vocal saying that his show was the worst of TV. Jerry said she had a point. Howard said Jerry never fought that. Howard said he beat Oprah in the ratings at one point. Howard said they can say that Jerry drove her out of TV. Jerry laughed and said he doesn't think that's the case. He said she didn't leave until 2 years ago and he beat her in the 90s. Jerry said they weren't really competitive.
Howard asked if he is the anti-Oprah. Jerry said he guesses he is. Howard said Jerry says that his parents would have been embarrassed by the show. Jerry said he wouldn't have done it if his parents were alive. He said he would have kept the show ''normal'' or mainstream. Jerry said he's just being honest with himself. He said his mother was very proper and she wouldn't have liked it. Jerry said it wouldn't have been close. Howard asked if he killed his parents to do the show. Jerry said he'd like to talk to his attorney.
Howard said in 2013-2014 they had 1.8 million daily viewers. Howard said they still get the highest concentration of men 18-49. Jerry said they are good with men. He said it's not so much with the women. Howard asked if he does any prep for the show or does he just walk in and do it. Jerry said he does but the reason he does that is because it's a better show. He said he's not allowed to know what the show is about. He said they don't know the topic until the show is over. He said they see what happens in the show. He said the producers know what's going on though. He said all he has is the name of the guests. He said he draws them out. He said that he asks what's going on and that leads into the discussion.
Jerry said if he did know then the show would look fake. He said they do spoof shows where he does know what's going on. He said that's like Christmas with the Klan and things like that. Jerry said the stories are all true. He said 20 years ago someone would have asked if these people are real. He said of course they are. He said that you can read one newspaper and come up with 20 shows.
Howard said Jerry has his show and Steve the security guy has his own show now. Howard said he is married to the producer of both of their shows. Howard asked if Steve is going to get the better guests. Jerry said Steve does a real talk show. He said that theirs is a circus but Steve's is a real show. Jerry said he wants Steve to go on and do his thing. jerry said he's 70 and his clock is going to run out eventually. Howard asked if he produces Steve's show. Jerry said he is listed but he doesn't really have anything to do with the day to day stuff. Howard asked if Steve has a security guy. Jerry said he's sure he does but he doesn't think anyone is going to mess with him.
Howard asked Jerry about being the Mayor of Cincinnati and what it was like giving out keys to the city. Jerry said he was only 32 at the time and he did give out a lot. He said he thinks they ran out of keys. Howard said he gave one to Linda Ronstadt. Jerry said he had a story about that. He said they wanted to bring music to Cincinnati and they had this stadium that was only being used 88 days a year. He said he wanted to bring concerts to the stadium. He said the whole town council was against him. He said he called Linda in part to get her to do that. Jerry said that he asked her to come and host the outdoor rock concert. Jerry said she was the nicest she could be. Jerry said she got them to the Eagles. He said this was in 1978. He said they had 60,000 people packed in the stadium from morning to night. Jerry said they had Eddie Money, the Steve Miller Band and others there. Howard said that must have raised a lot of money. Jerry said it did. He said this was August and they had Astroturf. He said it was brutally hot during the day. Jerry said the deal was they weren't going to sell liquor there. Jerry said they set up showers around the field and it was the largest wet t-shirt contest. Jerry said the concert went on without a fight. He said it turned out to be great. Jerry said he got to sing with the Eagles there. Howard asked if he can sing. Jerry said he sang the whole thing.
Howard said Jerry is still active politically. He said that he goes out and people still want to meet him. Jerry said that's right. Howard said he has a big constituency. Jerry said he's been out campaigning for the state democratic people in Ohio because that's his state.
Howard said that Jerry says that liberals always turn out to be on the right said of things if you look at history. Howard and Jerry went over a bunch of things like gay rights and the Vietnam war and things like that. Jerry said that the world will become more liberal and it's just part of human nature. He said that 8 years ago to talk about gay marriage was political suicide. Now it's a positive.
Howard asked Jerry about what job he liked the best. Jerry said that he loved being Mayor. He said that was his passion. He said he made a good living in show business though. Howard asked Jerry if he is wealthy. Jerry said he's not Howard. Howard said he must still make good money at it. Jerry said that he's not a Howard Stern or an Oprah. He said he's not as wealthy as Judge Judy either. He said he can afford to buy things he wants though. Howard asked about the contract negotiations. Jerry said he doesn't do them himself. Howard said he must have an agent. Jerry said he doesn't push it. He said they have always been very nice to him. He said he can afford what he wants to buy and he can take care of his daughter and grandson. He said at this point it's not a driving force for him. He said he's 70 now and he made a good living. He said he does it for fun now. Howard asked if he wants to retire. Jerry said he doesn't. He said he sees his friends being bored at home after retiring.
Jerry said that he doesn't want to live off of what he made. He said he wants to have money coming in. Jerry said that he is of the thought of never spending more than you're making. Jerry said he lived in Queens with his parents in 1949. He said he lives in Florida now. Jerry said he flies in to Connecticut to shoot the show once a week. Jerry said that he does a few other shows too so he's busy traveling anyway. Howard asked why he doesn't do the show in Florida. Jerry said that's not his decision. Howard said he's just making himself available.
Howard said Jerry has the Jerry Springer Show. He has a show called Baggage. That's a dating show. Jerry said they shot 300 episodes and now he's doing the show on the road. He said that they were in Austin a few weeks ago. He said this is fun. He said they shot 300 shows and they haven't shot any in 2 years. He said that show is a lot of fun. Jerry said he wishes he had thought of doing that show himself. Howard asked how that works. Jerry said you have to reveal three items of your personal baggage that the guy would have second thoughts about dating you for. Jerry said it's a lot of fun. He said if you had been away for 30 years and saw the show you'd be amazed that people would reveal these things.
Howard asked what people have revealed on Baggage. Jerry said they had a beautiful woman who was choosing from 3 men. He said the guys were salivating. Jerry said when a guy is choosing a woman on the show the guy doesn't care about the baggage. He said the woman could be a serial killer and if she's hot the guy is fine with it. He said the woman goes over every detail. Jerry said on this particular time the woman was the dater and she had to choose from three men. He said in the final segment of the show they show what's in the big bag of the dater. Jerry said this woman says she was born a man. Jerry said that's always mind blowing. Jerry said he knew that was coming. Howard asked if the woman looked manly at all. Jerry said she looked like a woman. He said the guy was fine with it and they went out. Howard asked Jerry if he could have sex with someone who used to be a man. Jerry said if he could have sex at his age he might. Jerry said it all depends on what you are now.
Howard said he did an interview with that woman Toula and she was stunning. Howard said he was married at the time. He said he thought about what he would do if he was single. Howard said he thinks that he could probably accept a hand job from her. Howard said that he might kiss her. Howard said he's not against homosexuals or transgenders. Howard said he doesn't know how far he'd go with someone like that. Jerry said he was happy for the guy when he said yes. He said that was enlightening to him. Howard said that's such a great idea for a show. He said Jerry was right about that.
Howard asked Jerry what's going on with the Price is Right Live Tour. Jerry said he's been doing it for 2 years now. He said that they take it on the road and the people in the audience win the prizes. He said that they do it at Casinos and theaters around the country. Howard said Jerry is so busy. Jerry said it's not really work. He said it's show business. Howard said he also has a show called Tabloid. Jerry said that's a crime show. He said that they do stories about crimes and give updates and things like that. Howard said look at him. Jerry said they did a story about a guy who was dating a woman and he hired someone to throw acid in the woman's face. Howard said a friend of his wrote a book about that. He said that was Dan Klores who wrote the book. Jerry said they sent the guy to prison for 14 years. He said he found her again and they ended up getting married. Howard said they still lived together until she died last year.
Howard said Jerry was the original host of America's Got Talent. Jerry said he came in the second season. He said he did it a couple of years. Jerry said he loved the show. Jerry said that was the most fun show he's ever done. He said he loved it but they wanted someone younger to do it. He said Nick is great as the host. Howard said Jerry has too many jobs anyway. Jerry said it would have been great working with Howard. He said Howard is the guy he wants to hang out with.
Howard had the guys bring in Steve Wilkos. Howard said Steve was security for Jerry and now he has his own show. Howard said his father always told him not to go into show business because anyone can do your job. He said even the security guy can do it. Howard said he was right.
Howard said Steve was a military guy and he was in the marines. Steve said he was in there for 6 and a half years. Howard said he heard he went through some sort of program that's considered the toughest in the Marines. Howard said he has to get into that. Howard asked if he was good at it. Steve said he never had to use the training to kill people. He said he never looked forward to going into combat. He said they weren't in a war so he was happy about that. He said he was also a peace officer and he never had a desire to kill anyone. He said he did have a gun out but he never had to shoot anyone.
Howard said Steve became a cop. Steve said his dad was a cop and he loved that job. He said he wanted to do that for 30 years. Howard said they say Chicago is the most dangerous city in the world right now. Steve said they have kids wilding in the streets there. Steve said they attack people for fun there. He said there's that and gun violence too. He said he's glad he's not a police officer there now.
Howard asked Steve if he ever thought he'd have his own TV show. Steve said of course not. He said his dream was to be a policeman. He said he was living the dream. Robin said Steve became this person who people would chant his name for.
Howard said Steve was on Jerry's show with the Ku Klux Klan. Howard said that was his first experience on the show. Howard said that's no joke. Howard said Steve is called in to protect Jerry. Steve said he was there to protect the audience too. He said they had audience members who would throw things on the stage. He said they had to worry about everyone. Jerry said you have to experience being in that audience just once. He said it's amazing.
Howard said Steve wrestled too. Steve said he wrestled the Rock's cousin and he looked just like The Rock. He said that whole thing was such a joke. He said he was given a license without having to do anything.
Howard said Steve married the producer of Jerry's show. Jerry said they met on his show. Steve said she was a young blonde girl at the time. He said that he said to himself ''If that's not a man I'm going to marry her.'' He said that's what that show does to you. He said there have been women who were men and they've met some of those people who are very good looking. He said they met the woman that Dennis Rodman was dating at the time and she used to be a man. He said her name was Mimi Marks. He said she looked like a woman.
Howard said that Steve did his thing on Jerry's show and people started chanting his name. Howard asked if he gets other cops saying they're as funny and they should have their own show. Steve said no one is saying that. He said that they know how crazy it is that he got his own show. He said it's like winning the lottery.
Howard said Steve's show has been picked up through 2018. Howard said he's living the life. Steve said he really is. Howard asked if he can go in and negotiate a contract. Steve said he signed a deal last year and he had some leverage. He said he is very happy with what he's making.
Howard asked if Jerry and Steve wanted to stick together and negotiate. Steve said he did want to do that like Koufax and Drysdale. Howard said that they could stick together and make a few bucks.
Howard asked Steve if he's living in a nice place. Steve said he lives in Connecticut and he has a nice house. He said that he likes making the money but he doesn't need a lot of crap to fill that house.
Howard said he read that Steve went to a school where he had nude swimming. Steve said he did and it was horrible. He said he was around 8 or 9 years old at the time. He said it was an odd thing. Howard asked why they would do that. Howard said they should have had bathing suits on. Howard said he doesn't have a big penis and if he had to be naked to swim in a pool he probably would have killed himself. Howard asked if the swim coach was Jerry Sandusky. Steve said that's not the worst showering story. He said in the marines you have to scrub other guys back to front. He said that was to break you down and they did a good job of it.
Howard said Steve was in Paris Island and that' the worst. Steve said that was pretty brutal but he was dealing it out there too.
Howard asked Steve about this job he got. Steve said that Jerry went to do Dancing with the Stars and they told him that he had to take over while that was going on. Jerry said that Steve had a following already. He said he's a good looking guy. Howard asked if Steve was stressed out of his mind. Steve said he never really mixed it up on the show. He said he would send his guys in there. He said he has been injured quite a bit on the show. He said he had to have back surgery because of that. Steve said he was dying on stage one day and Jerry walked over and asked if they were going to work out the next day.
Howard asked how he tore his groin. Steve said he was bending over and his groin just snapped and his whole groin turned black. He said it hurt like nothing he'd ever felt before. He said that he felt like someone shot him.
Steve said he also had back problems because of that. He said that he got hit in the head with a stool on the KKK show. He said that he ended up collapsing on the floor when he was in roll call at work. He said that's when he was still a cop. He said that the people at work would give him a hard time about being late and stuff. He said that the Lieutenant didn't care but other guys did. Howard said that he must have been afraid to give up the cop job. Steve said he was because his father told him he had to get the pension. Steve said he was a cop for 12 years and he got vested but not the full pension that he could have gotten after 20 years.
Steve said he came home from work one day covered in blood and his wife asked him what he was doing still working there.
Howard said Steve tries to motivate people on his show. Steve said he does the show like he would do it out on the street as a cop.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who has never worked. He said he lives in his parent's basement. Howard picked up on Hanzi and Hanzi said he has worked. He said he worked in 2005. Robin asked what he did. Hanzi said he worked at Honeywell. Howard said he is completely unmotivated. Howard said he won't get help. Howard said he lives in the basement and he can't motivate him. Steve said he feels for his parents. He said he should get out and do something with his life. Hanzi said he should join the Illuminati like Howard and everyone else there. Steve said he's too old to join the Marines. He said maybe the cub scouts would be better for him.
Howard asked Hanzi what he thinks about that. Hanzi said he thinks he's full of shit. He said the way Jerry and Steve make money is from selling their souls. Steve said he has a wife and kids and nice cars with a lake house. He said he travels all over the world and what is this guy doing. Hanzi said that's the point. He said he had to be with Jerry Springer to get what he has. Howard hung up on Hanzi after that.
Howard said Jerry and Steve are very lucky men. Howard said you can watch Jerry's show and the Steve Wilkos show. Howard said that you can check your local listings for air times.
Howard asked Steve if he's ever been intimidated by anyone on his show. Steve said he hasn't on the show but when he was a cop he got beaten up a couple of times. He said there are times that the job is very dangerous. Howard said Steve has been more injured on a TV show than he has as a cop. Howard asked if he ever shot anyone. Steve said he did shoot but he wasn't looking where he was shooting. He said he was just shooting hoping they would stop shooting at him. He said that was terrifying.
Howard said Jerry and Steve are soul mates. Steve said he'd probably be in a squad car right now if he had never met Jerry. He said it's all because of his show that he has what he has. Jerry said that Steve took that shot and he's doing great. Steve said he would rather be home or golfing but Jerry can't sit for 2 seconds. He said Jerry has got to be working. Howard said he's a nervous wreck. Howard said he thinks he's learned everything. Howard said Steve has to go rest his groin now.
Howard had asked Steve about being divorced but he said he doesn't talk about that because he has kids that don't know. He said that the kids are 9 and 11 and they don't know and he's not going to bring it up unless they ask. Steve said that he was married young and she didn't like that he didn't make a lot of money. He said that's the best part. Howard said that's the greatest. Howard asked if he hears from her now. Steve said he doesn't live in the past. He said his wife is very attractive and a great mom and she makes a great buck. He said he's never had that. Howard asked if they have sex a lot. Steve said they just did it yesterday. He said he needs about a 24 hour turn around but he's good to go after that. Howard said it's great to hear that. Steve said his wife keeps really fit and keeps herself up.
Jerry said he's taping 3 shows today and he'll see Rachelle. He said that he will say he knows what she did yesterday morning. Howard said that she'll be proud of that because Steve is talking about how great things are. Steve said that he'd like to have sex every day if he could. He said that's why his marriage is so happy. He said there is no wanting in the marriage. He said if he wants something she gives it to him.
Jerry said he has learned things that he did not know. Howard asked if it was the nude swimming thing. Steve said he was shocked that Howard even knew that. Steve said he has never told anyone that story. Howard said he has photos of him swimming nude. Howard said he has them up on the web right now. He was joking of course.
Howard asked Steve if he has a big penis. Steve said he is doing okay. Howard said he's not. He said he's 6'5'' and he is tiny. Howard asked Jerry if he's well endowed. Jerry said he has an endowment but that's not the same thing.
Howard said he learned tody that you don't need to go to broadcasting school. Howard said that anyone can get a job in show business. Jerry said things are a little different today but many of the people in show business weren't trained. He said Perry Como and Dean Martin weren't trained. Steve said that he just walked in to do a job and he ended up on TV. He said that other people have come and gone and come back and gone again in the time they've been on the air. Steve said that Jerry was saying earlier that people want to be the next Oprah and no one wants to watch that. Jerry said no one wants to be the next Jerry Springer.
Steve said Jerry has made a couple hundred million in his career. Jerry said that's not bad. Howard said screw the critics. Steve said you'll never be happy if you worry about what other people are saying.
Howard asked Jerry if he has any famous friends. Jerry said he has zero. He said he doesn't have anyone's phone number other than Steve's. He said that he doesn't know one celebrity. He said he has met some at functions but he doesn't have any friends really. He said everyone is friendly and nice to him but he hangs out with the people that he grew up with.
Howard started to wrap up with Jerry and Steve. Jerry said please vote tomorrow. Howard said he talked about that earlier. Howard said that he's going to vote for Governor Cuomo and those propositions. Jerry asked if he had 2 minutes. Howard asked what for. Jerry wanted to talk about politics. Howard asked someone to throw a chair quickly. Jerry said the off year elections are when we elect state office holders. He explained why most people don't vote and that's why the republicans win. He said the state office holders tend to be republican because they have wealthier voters who will take time to vote. Howard said Steve just fell asleep listening to that. Jerry said that's why he doesn't vote. Howard gave Jerry and Steve their plugs and ended the interview a short time later. They played a Baba Booey song parody as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said that he was saying goodbye to Steve and Jerry. He said that there's an article in the paper about Bruce Jenner wearing nail polish. Howard said it's bright red. Robin said she thinks that he's just playing into it all because she heard that he's dating his ex-wife's best friend.
Howard said he's getting a lot of calls about the ''Beet Rogers'' show he talked about earlier. Howard played the intro for the show again.
Howard said they've never had so much excitement for something they were putting together. Howard said they will have many specials as the year goes on. Howard said this is their final year of their contract so they're going to fill it with stuff like that.
Howard said there's a lot of talk about Robin using wipes that she doesn't flush. Howard said Robin said she has a pail she puts her doody wipes in. Robin said that she has someone who takes care of her garbage. Howard said that it has to smell bad. Robin said it's not mounds of doody. Robin said that it's for the final clean up. Robin said she uses toilet paper first and they go in the toilet. Then she wipes down with the wipes. Howard said Robin's housekeeper left a weird voicemail. Howard played a clip of a woman complaining about the shit wipes.
Howard played some clips of people commenting on what Robin does. They had guys on the street saying how disgusting that is. Howard said even the kids at Halloween left messages for her. Howard played a clip of a kid complaining about the vegetables Robin gave out for Halloween.
Howard said that Little Mikey was inspired to write a song about her shit pail too. Howard played that song parody.
Howard said he has an update from Casey Kasem's corpse. Howard took the call and Casey said that he's in a place where he's considered good looking. He said he's at a strip club. Howard said there he's considered hot. Howard let Casey go after that.
Howard said that he did the top 5 countdown earlier this morning. Robin said they should play that again. Howard had the guys put it on his computer again so he could play it. Howard played that Top 5 countdown a short time later. Howard said Casey's corpse is bigger than Casey ever was. Howard said he's on their show all the time now.
Howard said that the Kansas City Royals won and Richard has a voicemail message from his dad. Howard played some of the messages that Richard's dad left for Richard as the team was winning. He had a bunch of clips of him talking about those Royals.
Howard said that's sweet but a bit excessive. Robin said it's not when the games are going on. Howard said it seems excessive to him because his dad has only called him like 3 times in his whole life. Howard said he wouldn't mind the name ''Bub'' like Richard has.
Howard asked Matt what condition she has that would stop her from having sex. The guy said she has an issue with her system that doesn't produce something that keeps her sex drive going. Howard said it sounds more like an excuse for just not having sex with him. Matt said that's not it. He put his wife on the line and Howard spoke to her about that. The wife said that she has health issues and she can't have sex. Howard asked if the doctor said she can't have sex. She said she never really asked him. Howard asked if she can give him a hand job. She laughed. She said he hasn't asked her. Howard asked if she could help him out and just do it. She said she won't ask him. She got off the phone a few seconds later.
Matt got back on the line and said she doesn't feel good all the time. Howard said she could still give him a hand job. Matt said she would if he asked. Howard told him to ask right now. Matt asked but said not right now. his wife said not right now. Howard said maybe he won't take care of her anymore. Howard said that he wants a hand job.
Howard told Matt to calm down. He was laughing and saying his wife kept saying no. Howard said here's what he has to say to her. He told her to call her Darling. He told him to say he loves her. Matt said he loves her and the wife said ''Why are you giving me a hard time?'' Matt asked for the hand job. The wife told him to stop it. Howard said this is the fun they can have. Howard told him to say ''Baby please...'' Matt did that but he asked her to rub his penis. She told him to please go away.
Howard asked if he seeks sex outside the marriage. Matt said he doesn't want to get a prostitute because she wouldn't like that. Howard said he thinks that she's being a little selfish there. Matt asked for a kiss and got a couple. Howard said maybe he can have him rub her boobs now. Howard told Matt to do that. Matt said she does let him touch her boobs sometimes. Howard told him to ask her to tickle his balls. Matt asked her to do that. She didn't want him to do that.
Howard asked to talk to the wife again. Matt said she's very upset right now. Howard said that they haven't had sex in 3 years. Howard said this is a weird scene. Matt said that she's really upset and crying now. Howard said this is a mess.
Howard spent a minute talking to Matt but he really has to go. Howard said he thinks that Matt should be in the Wack Pack. He said he might not get laid but he is in the Wack Pack. Howard said he has to go. He let Matt go after that.
Howard said that Chris went on to talk about the Freedom Tower. Howard played a clip of Chris talking about how they should have named it the ''I'm never going in there tower.'' Chris said he's never going to get close to that place.
Howard said he didn't find that offensive. Howard said they got the highest ratings so far for Saturday Night Live. Howard said he heard about the songs that Prince did on the show. He said he is a huge Prince fan and he loved the Bat Dance. Howard played some of that. Howard said he was listening to this over the weekend. Howard said he puts that stuff on when he's working on his art. Howard said he loves that song.
Howard said he did watch the Prince performance but it was so disturbing and boring. Howard said he thinks he's just said fuck you to everyone. Howard said he won't do a hit song like ''Purple Rain.'' He said he just does what he wants to do. Howard said he did a bunch of songs and you can't tell when one ends and another begins. Howard said he wore sunglasses with 3 lenses. Howard said he had an all girl band. Howard said he didn't like the performance. Howard said he thought his new music wasn't that great or catchy. He said he was disappointed. Robin said she's reserving judgment until she sees how it was presented.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that everyone is saying it was great but it was such a bore. He said that he wanted to fast forward through it. He said it was just nothing. Howard said he's a great guitar player. Ralph said he is but who cares. He said the amazing thing is that he looks the same as he did 20 years ago. Howard said maybe he had surgery. Robin said she doesn't have any wrinkles and she's getting older.
Ralph said that performance sounded like the Partridge Family. Howard thanked him for saying that. He said that he thought that he was missing something based on what people were saying. Ralph agreed that Chris' monologue was funny. Howard played more of that where Chris was talking about going to an anti-gun thing in Washington DC. Chris said he went to that and then he came home and read his web site where he had all kinds of threats on there and realized ''Oh my god! I need a gun.'' He went on to say he's never getting involved in any cause ever again.
Ralph said that's some killer stuff he could have saved for a stand up act. He said he just put it out there. Howard said Chris is on top of his game. He said he thinks he's still the best. Howard said the hour he did on HBO was the best. Ralph said that Dice's first one was great. Howard said it was but then people started saying shit and fucked him up in the head. Howard said Eddie Murphy was great too in his prime. Howard said he thinks Chris Rock is the top guy. Howard said he can't think of anyone else who is as funny as Chris. Robin asked about Kevin Hart. Howard said he doesn't know Kevin Hart. Howard said Prince is doing the opposite of what Chris Rock is doing. Howard said that you have to be respectful of the audience.
Robin asked if being an artist gives him the freedom to do what he wants. Howard said of course. He said you want to be excited by that music and hear new stuff but you want to hear his classic songs too. Howard said that Prince can see that people aren't listening to his music and want to hear that old stuff. Howard said that Chris Rock should have come out and done a monologue about Prince after that performance. Howard said he has no problem with sunglasses on TV but the three eyes thing was too much.
Howard said they were talking about Yoko Ono last week and playing some of her music. Howard said that they got a lot of email about that. Howard said someone asked him to play it every day and comment on it. Howard said Yoko was performing with The Who this weekend so he had some audio of that. They took her weird screaming and put it to a Who song. He said they did that with a bunch of songs. He played it with The Immigrant Song too. Howard said they have it in a Bon Jovi song too.
Howard said he has more Yoko inspired stuff. Howard said there are two girls who get up and sing in Japan and this is audio of them. Howard played the clip and the girls were just making noise along with some music. Howard said there are more Yokos out there than you think. Howard played another bit they put together using the Yoko clips. He had another one which was a porno clip with her scream in it.
Robin said she decided to do a story a day about violence against women. Howard asked why that is. Robin said she was reading stories about violence against women and it's time to start talking about this. Robin said men have to get their minds right. Robin said they had tape of the girl walking down the street getting the cat calls. Robin said that's just every day stuff that women have to go through. Robin said there are powerful men who do crazy things. Robin said a British man who is an executive of Bank of America has been accused of killing two women in Hong Kong. Robin said one was stuffed in a suitcase and sitting on the balcony. Robin said there's also a Canadian Broadcaster named Jian Ghomeshi who was fired by the CBC after he went to his bosses and showed how women can become bruised when they have sex with him. Women were claiming that he brutally attacked them so he went to his bosses to try and defend himself. He was fired because of that. Robin said that he used that power to abuse these women.
Howard said some people won a charity visit to sit in during the news. Howard said that it's two men. Robin said they're very handsome. Howard said he'll try to get her a date. Howard asked Fred if he has to take a break. Fred said he can do a live read first. Howard did that while the two guys were coming in. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:20am, Howard came back and introduced the guys who were sitting in. They were Jeff and Brandon. Jeff said he blew very bit of money he had for his son's college fund to be in there. Brandon said he had a software company that he sold and he's retired. He told Howard that he thinks retirement is great. He said he hangs out and does whatever he wants. He said he went to the World Series last week and brought Richard a cap from the game. He said he thought he was going to lose his anal virginity when he gave it to him.
Jeff said he had a bet with Brandon. He asked Robin who she would date out of the two of them. Robin thought about it for a minute and ask if there are any other choices. She said before Jeff opened his mouth it was him. Then it was Brandon. Howard asked if they are single. Jeff is married but Brandon is dating. Howard said he'd like to sit and listen but he has news to do.
Howard thanked the guys for making their donation to Bianca's Furry Friends. He said that will go to build a facility for animals to live in the open.
Howard asked Robin what she had in the news. Robin read a story about Brittany Maynard ending her life over the weekend. She had incurable brain cancer and she decided to take her own life. Howard said that was such a horrible story. He said that we all need this right to do that. Howard said she didn't want to kill herself but she had brain cancer and she didn't want to suffer. She wanted to die on her own terms. Howard said he hopes more people get this option. Robin said she did say goodbye over Facebook. Robin read that message Brittany left for her friends and family. Howard asked how much time the husband has to wait before going on a date. Robin said she was going to ask Howard the same question. Howard said he thinks this guy will be a pussy magnet. Robin said a lot of women are going to be looking for him. Howard said he will be a catch so to speak. Howard said he thinks that if he wants to do it right he has to wait a year. Howard said the eyes of the public are on him. Brandon and Jeff said six months. Robin said she thinks that life is for the living and she would want a spouse to be happy. Howard said he would like his wife to wait a year if he died. Howard said it should be a year.
Howard took a call from Casey Kasem's corpse who said he's in the Taj Mahal in India. He said he'll see them all in the afterlife. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin read a story about Ebola and the nurse who was quarantined and complained about it. Robin said she was supposed to quarantine herself in her home but she's refusing to do that now. Howard played Psych's song parody about Ebola after that. Robin had some audio of Kaci Hickox talking about why she's not going to be quarantining herself. Robin said she's going to have it her way no matter what. Howard said she's a caring person who cares about people but then she comes home and doesn't care about anyone but herself. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about milk and how it may not be doing good things for bones like they once thought it was. Howard said it makes you gassy too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she is wondering about Howard's mom and if she ever acknowledged his experiences in the neighborhoods that he wasn't comfortable. Howard said he had a conversation about that with his mom over the weekend. He said they were talking about bad neighborhoods and she said they loved Roosevelt. Howard said she thought it was a great community. Howard said everyone he liked left that place. He said that she said they would still be living there if it wasn't for him. Howard said he told her that he did her a favor. Howard said she blamed him for leaving. Howard said he got her out of that hell hole. He said his dad was too cheap to leave. Robin said the value of their house would be zero. Howard said they have a house now that they paid 50,000 for and now it's probably worth half a million. Howard said he could be the leader of the Crips right now if he had stayed there. Howard did his mom's voice for a few minutes talking about that. The caller, Ann, asked if he thinks that stuff is too painful for her to talk about. Howard said he has no idea. He said he's never going to get closure on that. Howard said he really did just talk about this on Friday night with his mom.
Robin got back to the news and read a story about how ISIS is supposed to attack in Britain and the U.S. eventually. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard told Robin to read that story he told her about this morning. He said that these fanatics are even worse than you can imagine. Robin had a few clips of the guy talking about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the midterm elections coming up tomorrow. Robin had some audio clips to play for some local elections going on there in New York. Howard said he wishes that they'd have electronic voting. He said he just wants to be able to vote without going out to the polls. Howard said he would end that tomorrow if he could. He said it's a big pain in his ass.
Robin read a story about President Obama being heckled at an event he was speaking at. Robin had some audio of that.
Robin read a story about a politician who got in trouble for the name of his boat. It was apparently the Turkish word for concubine but he claims that it has a different meaning.
Robin read a story about Nik Wallenda completing his walk last night in Chicago. Robin said he set a couple of records and one was doing a walk blindfolded. Howard asked why he should care. Howard said this should stop everything but no one cares. Robin said it's been done so many times that we don't think it's dangerous. Howard said it's probably more dangerous to cross the street in Chicago than it is to walk the tight rope. Robin had some audio of Nik talking about his blindfolded walk.
Robin said she has some audio of some police officers who are making jokes about not responding to some crimes. Robin said it's getting a lot of internet play. Howard played the clip and one cop was joking about someone reporting a robbery and saying that the person probably deserved it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked Howard how the Halloween bowl lasted outside his door. Howard said he put a sign up out there and usually that stuff is gone in an hour. Howard said they are little crooks. Howard said this year there were about 10-15 candies left. Howard said there was some kind of honor system working this year. Robin said that now is a good time to cut back on sugar even though you have that candy in your house. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how sugar has become a drug in this country. The doctor talked about what sugar does to you and how it's the worst thing for someone on a diet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they were talking about Prince and he gets what he's saying about wanting to hear the hits. Howard said he can play the hits but play a new song after that. The caller said Howard has fans who said he has changed too. Howard said if he came on and talked about the same thing every day no one would tune in. Howard said he has to change. Howard said he wouldn't read the same book over and over. He said songs are different.
Robin read about the NYC Marathon and how two Kenyan runners are celebrating victories in the marathon. Howard said over there they run because they want to run right out of the country. Howard said he doesn't know what it is. Robin said the times are slower than ever but that's because of the wind they had their yesterday. Robin had some other details about the marathon.
Robin read a story about the tie between night Crawler and Ouji which took in 10.9 million each. Howard said he hates Ouija boards. Howard said he hates those things because they move on their own. He said every bad thing happens out of those boards. Howard said if Monopoly pieces moved like that he wouldn't play that either. Robin said the movie ''Before I Go to Sleep'' is a good movie. Robin read a few other details about the top 5 movies.
Robin read that the Navy Seal who published the book about capturing Obama bin Laden could be up on charges. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about how he wasn't trying to bypass anything when he published the book.
Howard said he was thinking about what would happen id you died and you end up communicating through an Ouji board. He said you can only spell out a few things. Howard said that would be an awful afterlife.
Robin read a story about a clarinet player who died at the age of 85. Howard said he took clarinet and he was awful at it. Robin said he had one hit there in the United States. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said that instrument is just shit. He said that instrument can't get you laid. He said it had a reed in it and it smelled. He said the whole instrument smells from that. Howard said he doesn't know why he didn't have guitar lessons. He said he would have been into that.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:00am. Howard thanked Jeff and Brandon for donating. The guys said they do anything Howard mentions on the show. Brandon asked his girlfriend to marry him as they were wrapping up the show. Howard thanked the guys again and ended the show after that.
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Jon said Steve Wilkos worked his way into the TV world in an interesting way. He said he got to fill in for Jerry and next thing you know he has his own talk show. Jon said it sounded to him like Jerry was very happy for Steve's success. Jon said that Jerry is 70 now and he doesn't think he'll be doing his show much longer. Jon said that Steve is a guy who gives tough love and that's what he gave Hanzi today. Jon said that kind of reminds him of what Ronnie has had on Howard's show. He has had a lot of chances to do things that he may not have had the chance to do otherwise.
Jon took a call from a guy who said proposing to someone eon the radio is kind of selfish. He said he put her on the spot and now she's pressured to day yes. Jon said any time you propose it's putting the person on the spot. Jon said that it might make sense to do that if they bond over the show. He said that there is pressure on the person but that happens a lot. Jon said he saw someone say no at a ball game once. He said that was kind of awkward. Jon said it was an interesting way to do that. Gary said they did have someone who got a tour of the studio and he proposed to his girlfriend there and Lisa G caught it on tape.
Jon asked JD if he would do anything like that. JD said he's not into doing anything in public like that. Jon asked how he would do it. Gary stopped him and asked him to stop eating on the air. JD said he was just called in last minute.
Jon asked JD if there is anything he wouldn't do. JD said he wouldn't skydive or anything like that. He said he's not looking to propose at all. He said he's not going to do it in front of anyone if he ever did. JD said he's not looking to get married. JD said he doesn't think there is anything about marriage that he wants to do. He said he knows there are legal things involved though so he might do it for that. He said if you're dying in the hospital you might want someone to visit you.
Jon asked JD if he's looking to have kids either. JD said he's not. He said he's dating someone and just looking to see where it takes them. JD said he's sort of figuring his way out in his industry and she's starting something of her own. Gary said JD has been there for 10 years and he's the senior guy in his department. JD said he doesn't see the show going on forever. Gary said by the time Howard is done this time he'll be 35. if he signs on for 5 more years he'll be 40 and he'll be pretty set in his job. Gary said there are always changes in life. He said you just go through it together. JD said that it's hard to say what's going to happen.
JD said he's talking about the overall industry. He said he doesn't want to be in radio all his life because it's not his passion. Jon said maybe he wants to find out what he wants to do and then settle down. JD said right. JD said she knows how he feels and they're doing fine. Jon said that it sounds very unromantic to talk like that. JD said that you see so many people get married and the marriage doesn't work out. Gary said the other half does work out. He said Howard and Beth are a good example. JD said there are a lot of people got divorced. He said people change. Jon said the toughest part is dealing with that change. He said hopefully you grow together. He said sometimes it strengthens your relationship, sometimes it doesn't.
JD said there are women who kill their husbands for money and stuff. Gary said he really worries about that stuff a lot. JD said he just doesn't want to get married. Jon said based on what he has going on in that head of his he wouldn't want to get married either. Jon said they have a lot of great marriages there. He named a bunch of the guys on the show who are doing just fine in their marriages. JD said he's not even at a point in this relationship to think about it. Jon said he's not thinking tomorrow. He said it's for anytime in the future.
Jon asked JD if he was offended buy Robin saying that she'd rather have him write to her than speak to her. JD said he was fine with it. Jon said Howard is super impressed with his writing. JD said he doesn't think it's that great but he'll take it.
Gary asked JD about what makes him happy. Gary wanted to know what makes him say ''That's fucking great! Yay!'' JD said he spent time with his girlfriend this weekend. He didn't want to get into specifics. He said something about Michael Rapaport starting someone in his fantasy team that made him happy. Gary said that he invited JD to go out to this thing with him and Jon and JD came in asking if he'd have to wear a suit and let out a sigh. He said that he wants him to have fun but if he's not then don't come. Jon said this is the Gold Gloves. He asked why he's not psyched to go. JD said he just has a hard time getting excited for things. JD said he will go and try to have fun. Gary said he wants him to have a good time but if he's not then he shouldn't go. JD said he's going to go. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he proposed in front of a bunch of people in a restaurant. He said that wasn't his plan. He said it was at the 21 Club in New York and he was sitting in a giant horse shoe. He said he didn't think anyone would really give a shit but everyone looked and everyone applauded. He said that's not what he wanted to do. He said he wanted a more intimate moment. Jon said he has a story too but it's too long to tell now. He said he'll tell it another day.
Jon said JD has a lot to learn from with this. JD said if it does happen then hopefully it'll be just the two of them in the room together. Jon said sometimes you don't have a choice. JD said he'll make sure it's just them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he feels for the girl for not getting the face to face after 10 years. He said after that long you have to do something special for the girl. He said that she deserves something more than that. Jon said you don't know what their relationship is like so you can't really judge them. Jon said congratulations to everyone involved.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks the guy didn't think it through enough. Jon said he did have a GoPro going at home. He must have put some thought into it. The caller said he has watched Jerry Springer for a very long time. He said he thinks that the Steve Wilkos show is much more serious a show than Jerry's is. He said he deals with topics that are more family oriented. Gary said he's more like a Dr. Phil that you like. He said he doesn't do Tranny shows and things like that.
Jon said that JD likes the Steve Wilkos show. JD said when he first came on he would yell at his guests. He said he won't let them sit down. Jon said he wants to talk about that. He said that Steve won't let the guest sit down in a chair. JD said there are two chairs and Steve will have a chair and throw it off the stage and then he'll yell at them. He said all hell breaks loose on the stage after that.
Jon asked the caller if he watches both Jerry and Steve's show. The caller said he doesn't watch Jerry as much as he used to. He said it seems like it's scripted to him. Gary said he took some listeners at K-Rock out to see Jerry. He said they were in the front row and it was very interesting. He said it was hysterical.
Jon gave the caller a $500 prize and a Nutri Ninja system. The caller thanked them for that. Jon said they appreciate the quality calls there on the Wrap Up Show.
Jon said that Jerry was talking about how much he enjoyed being Mayor and how he got rock shows to be played at the stadium in Cincinnati. JD said he spent a lot of time at Riverfront Stadium. He said he wasn't there back then but he did spend time there.
Gary said it was interesting when Jerry said he doesn't know what the topic is for the show and they just go with it and make up what it is at the end of the show. JD said the producers know what's going on but not Jerry.
Jon said Howard was talking about how his dad told him that anyone could take his job in show business. Gary said if you want to be on the air and you're a bore and go to school then it's not going to help you out. Gary said Robin went to school and she was talented so she was placed quickly. Gary said he thinks both avenues work. JD said Full Sail got him there. He said it worked for him too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Steve Wilkos started with Jerry as a security guy. He said when you see him standing in the hallway next to Ronnie who do you want standing next to you, Ronnie or Steve? The caller laughed when he asked. He said he thinks that he'd rather have Steve. Jon said he thinks the laughter gave his side of the story. Jon said that Ronnie knows what he's doing and he wouldn't be there if he didn't. He said Ronnie has confidence there. Gary said Ronnie knows what he's doing and it's not always about intimidation or height. JD said he feels safer with him around. Jon said he thinks they all do. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman what he thinks about Ronnie doing his own show. Leiberman said he thinks he'd do great. Jon asked the guys if they think Scott Salem could host his own show. No one said yes to that. JD said he might be good as his sidekick who sits there and smokes and doesn't say anything.
Jon said Casey Kasem is back and doing the top 5. Gary said that is funny but think about the reality there. He said that he died and he's still not buried. He said Casey is going to break the record for not being buried.
Jon asked if this happens often. Leiberman said that it dos and there are times that bodies are dug up for criminal investigations often too. He said you just don't hear about it because they're not famous. Gary said he just looked it up and it took 76 days for James Brown to be buried. Gary said that's so undignified. He said that even a criminal deserves to be buried and gone.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD if he thinks that his girlfriend would feel more secure if he proposed. JD said right now there is no issue. He doesn't know how to answer that. the caller asked if he thinks that she's waiting for those kind of moves. JD said no. He said they're in the second or third month of this. He said they have to calm down.
Jon asked Leiberman how he approaches that discussion. Leiberman said it happens organically. JD said he doesn't even live in the same city with his girlfriend. Leiberman said that JD said ''I love you'' to her first and maybe he'll be the first to bring up the marriage thing too. JD said maybe. Gary said that JD is the kind of guy who doesn't do anything unless he's pressed to do it. Gary said he wanted to move but he didn't until he was almost forced to. JD said that was a lot of hassle he didn't want to deal with. He said he is happier now though. He said he doesn't have to take the subway.
Jon asked Leiberman about the baseball event they want to take JD to and how he doesn't really want to go. Leiberman said that you want someone to go who is as big of a fan as you are. He said that you don't want someone to go who isn't going to be into it. JD said if they want to go with Jon Leiberman then take him instead. Leiberman asked why he's not passionate about an event like that. JD said he's not into social events like that. Gary asked why he's going then. JD said Gary invited him and his friends are going so he's going to hang out with his friends. JD said he is excited about this and they should leave him alone.
Jon had Jon Leiberman run down his Howard 100 News preview. Leiberman ran down a few stories they have coming up today. He mentioned that Ass Napkin Ed is missing half his teeth and they are going to have a story about that. They also have a story about High Pitch Eric and where the proceeds of his t-shirt sales are going. Leiberman also got in a plug for Leiberman Live.
The guys spent a minute talking about voting. Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology. The guys got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show taking a call from the corpse of Casey Kasem who was in the parking lot of the Oprah Winfrey life you want tour in Miami. Casey asked to get to the gathering of the Juggalos because they know how to party. Howard said he hopes they bury him soon. He let Casey go a short time later. Howard said it's sad that he's going to be buried. He said he likes talking to him.
Howard took a call from Yucko the Clown who was at something called Comikaze. Howard asked what that's about. Yucko said it was out in L.A. and Howard didn't know he was out there. Yucko said he's working on his cartoon, Brickleberry, out there. Howard said Yucko went to the Comikaze event and did some interviews. Howard played the audio he had from Yucko doing those interviews. He was insulting all of the people he was interviewing. He had people dressed up and wearing masks. His last interview was with a woman dressed as Wonder Woman and Yucko said he wonders who would fuck her.
Howard asked if she was nasty. Yucko said some of the people out there stink worse than him and his costume is pretty disgusting. Yucko said the girls are all sweaty in their costumes and they really stink. Howard said Adrianne Curry is hot but he wonders if there are any other hot chicks there. Yucko said most of them aren't. He said they have guts and things like that.
Howard asked if he had fun there. Yucko said it was pretty much a disaster. Howard gave Yucko a plug for Brickleberry which is on tonight at 10:30 on Comedy Central. Richard Christy is doing a voice on tonight's episode.
Howard said he loves the way Yucko cuts those interviews up. Robin said it's brilliant. Howard said Yucko is actually a winner at Comikaze. He said he has that carton and it's in the third season or something like that.
Howard asked Benjy if he did a voice for that cartoon. Benjy said he did and it was so fun. He said he plays a driving instructor who is doing something else in the back of the car. He said the guy who he's teaching finds out that his mom has done that kind of thing for him in everything he's done in his life. Benjy said Brickleberry is a great and funny cartoon. He said Yucko does the voice of a manly woman on the show. Howard said he'd like to hear that.
Robin said Eric the Actor did the show and they ended up cutting out his part. Howard said he wants to hear the voice that Yucko does. He asked JD to pull that.
Howard said he loves all of these comic book based movies. He had a bit they put together about what the Hulk will be doing next. It was just Hulk getting mad and smashing something. Howard said they're running out of ideas with those movies.
Howard said that's awesome. He said he had to argue with a guy about that. Howard said he went for a run in Central Park. He said they have the marathon in the park and the runners can get their medals engraved. He said there's a huge line there in the park. He had to go around the park to another entrance. He said a security guy told him he had to walk up to another part and he got there and this guy told him about a detour in the street. Howard said he wasn't going to do that. Howard said he and Pat said they weren't going to walk in the street. He said they'd be fucked if they got clipped there. Howard said this guy held his ground. Howard said he thinks he was ready to fight them too. Howard said he liked that he was doing his job and holding his ground. He said they eventually got into the park but they had to sneak in. Howard said there has to be a better way to get the medals engraved. Robin said she thinks she had her's done but Dennis probably took care of that.
Howard said that people love that Robin shits in a pail. He said he has to play some songs about that. Robin said she does not shit in a pail.
Howard said he has Yucko's manly woman voice. Howard played a clip of him doing that very manly voice. Howard said that's funny. He said he might watch this cartoon. Howard said he's happy to see Roger doing well. He said that's fucking funny. He said the plot line Benjy was telling them about was funny too. Howard replayed the clip again.
Howard said the show sounds funny. He said he never knows when it's on. He said he'll have to look for that tonight. Howard said he thinks Eric the Actor could have been in there but he may have gotten the axe. Howard said that's probably what the plan was all along. He said they may have wanted to upset Eric.
Howard said he has to get back to Robin. Howard said Robin takes a doody and she wipes with toilet paper but then she cleans up with a paper towel that she throws in the garbage. Howard said he thinks that Robin is changing her story around. Robin said she isn't changing it. Howard said Robin takes a disposable wash cloth and cleans up and then throws them in the garbage. Howard asked where she gets those. Robin said they're thicker but not pre-wet. They're like baby wipes but not wet. Robin said she doesn't poke like Howard does when she cleans up. Robin said she doesn't have the issues Howard has.
Howard said he has some new songs about Robin's wiping. He had one from Psych he played first. Howard said Robin claims it doesn't smell. Robin said it's not a doody napkin. Robin said Howard is wacky. Howard asked if there's brown on the towel. Robin said there is a little.
Howard played another song about Robin's ass wiping. Howard said it's interesting how people wipe. Howard asked Robin if she ever makes a doody and then takes her toilet paper and wipes. Then she's clean. Howard asked Robin if she stands when she cleans. Robin said she does. Howard asked if she spreads her cheeks. Robin said she squats. Howard said he holds one cheek to the side. He asked if she ever looks at the towelette and says there's way more brown there. Robin said if it did she would wrap it in plastic. She said that doesn't happen though. Howard asked if she evaluates her doody. Robin asked ''doesn't everyone?'' Robin said she has to know when the doctor asks about it.
Howard asked if Robin has ever had to use two wet towels. Robin said she takes care of a big mess herself. She said she would throw that mess away herself and not throw it in the pail. Howard said that
Howard had Yucko back on the phone. Yucko said that he could do the voice for him. Howard said he just played that clip. Howard told him about the clip he heard. Yucko did the voice for Howard over the phone. He was doing the Connie voice from Brickleberry. Howard said he's happy for him now that the show is doing well. Yucko said his life had to make a 180 or he was going to put a gun in his mouth.
Howard said he heard that Howie Mandel was at Comikaze. Yucko said he was and he had a weird costume on. He said he had something like a Dr. Evil costume on. Howard let Yucko go after that.
Howard got back to Robin and said the thing that threw him with the whole story was that he felt that she has more doody on those towels than she's letting on. Robin said no. She said that's not the case. Robin said that the housekeeper has never said anything about it. Howard asked if she folds the towels before she throws them away. Robin said they're wrapped and throw in. She said they're little wads. Howard said he has to get Howard 100 News on this story. He said he wants more of an investigation. Robin said sure after they investigate him. Howard said he can't throw any of his stuff in the toilet. Howard said he has a lot more going on in the bowl.
Howard said he had a lot going on yesterday and he was very busy. He said he was at his desk and he felt the urge to go doody. Howard said he didn't have time for the whole ritual. He said he just said this was me time and he had to get it going. Howard said he's lucky he can go to the bathroom. He said Robin had her cancer and he can still go no problem. Howard said he got the Squatty Potty out and made a big doody. Howard said he decided to have a big apple after making the doody. Howard said he went to clean up and he was standing there with multiple wet naps. He said he had a whole pile there. He said he had to use at least 3. He was doing a lot of poking and manipulating. Robin said one of these days the whole system is going to be clogged up because of Howard.
Howard said today is election day and he so doesn't want to vote. Howard said he just wants to be able to go online and vote. He doesn't want to go to the polls. Robin said she wishes she could go earlier. Howard said he has people looking at him when he goes. He said there's a lot of activity going on when he goes. Howard said he doesn't get any special treatment there.
Robin said she watched the Prince performance on Saturday Night Live and she loved it. Howard said he and Ralph were laughing about something Robin loved. Howard said that she likes some funny stuff. Robin said Howard loved a movie that Gil Gerard was in. Howard said that he liked it. He said it was one movie. He said Robin was over and she was talking through the whole thing. Howard said he remembers what it was. Robin didn't like Boardwalk Empire this season. Robin said she didn't like the choices made to end the series. Howard said that maybe a bomb went off and took away her movie powers. Howard said Boardwalk Empire ended this season and he thinks the season was great. He said they went back and forth in time and it was fabulously written. Robin said she didn't like the way they wrapped up the story lines. Howard said he did. Howard said he will go to his death saying that Gil Gerard was a great actor too.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk is coming in today. He corrected that to Jeff the Bore. Howard said he's not sure why he's coming in but he is. Howard said he has to talk to him but he's not sure why. Howard said he just read he's running for senator. Howard said they're going to officially name him Jeff the Bore too.
Howard had Matt on the phone so he picked up on him and told him about the ceremony. Matt didn't know about that. Howard said when he becomes a made member there is a ceremony. Howard said he wants to broadcast that. Matt sounded like he was fine with that. Howard said he got some push back from some members of the Wack Pack. He said that they don't want him in. Howard said he will be in the Wack Pack though.
Howard asked Matt if he will bring his wife. Matt said he will ask. He said she ran off when he asked her about it.
Howard asked Matt if she gave him a hand job yesterday. Matt said she says she's too weak to do that right now. Matt said she said her hand hurts. She said no in the background. Matt said she just said her hip has been hurting. Howard asked what that has to do with her hand. The wife told him that she doesn't have much muscle left over and she can't do much with her arm. Howard asked if she's afraid that he will go to other women for sex. Matt didn't want to ask her. Matt asked and she said she doesn't give a shit. Robin said he should go out. Howard said he doesn't usually advocate cheating but maybe he should.
Howard asked Matt if his wife can feed herself. Matt said she can. Howard said she can give him a hand job then.
Howard asked Matt to ask his wife if she loves him. Matt did that and she didn't say anything at first. She eventually said yes. Howard asked if he finds her attractive. Matt said he does find her very attractive. Howard said he thought maybe he didn't want to fuck her. Howard told Matt to tell her that he finds her attractive, very attractive. Howard gave Matt some things to say and told him to tell her that she's the only one he wants to be with. Howard said then say to her that he loves taking care of her and all he's asking for is for her to take care of his little problem. Matt did that. He laughed. Howard said he can't laugh. He said he has to not laugh and tell her he'll keep it from getting messy by using a tissue.
Matt said she laughed during that. Howard said that he's loosening her up. Howard said that's what they need to do. Howard said he needs to seal the deal. Robin said maybe they can tell her that maybe later something can happen. Howard had Matt tell her that she's more important to him than Howard and he will hang up the phone to spend some time with her. Howard told him to call back tomorrow and tell them if that worked. Howard said maybe he can work his way into it sometime today. Matt said he'll try. Howard asked if she's softening up. Matt said she did.
Matt's wife said something in the background. Matt said she said they don't know half the shit she has to go through there. Howard said that maybe he can hang up and go comfort her and see what happens. Matt said he'll keep trying. Howard asked if they have a wedding song. Matt said they wanted a song. He said they didn't get what they wanted. He said the DJ just played an Eric Clapton song or some shit. Howard told Matt to sing the song that he wanted at the wedding to his wife. Matt was laughing as he did it but he sang to her. He sang ''This Guy's In Love With You.''
Howard said he has a nice voice. Matt wasn't able to remember the lyrics. Robin helped him out with that. Matt kept laughing. Howard said he has to get off the phone with him. He said he has to take a break. They went to break after that. Fred played the song that Matt was trying to sing. Howard asked who sings that. Fred said it's Herb Alpert. Howard asked if he's still around. Fred said he is. He said he owned A & M records for a while. They went to break after that. Fred played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a woman where they just kept saying goodbye to her in many different ways.
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Howard said they changed Jeff's name to Jeff the Bore. Howard said he was setting it up to bring him in but Gary just brought him right in. Howard told him to just bring him in. They played one of his Jeff the Bore theme songs as Howard was talking about that.
Gary said something funny happened. He said Jeff doesn't move fast so that's why he started moving him in. He said Jeff can't stand up and he fell back in the chair when his friend tried to help. Howard asked what's going on with him. Jeff said it's tough to get up.
Howard said they have some great pictures of Jeff in his trailer. He said he's playing video games in there with one arm. Howard asked how much money he gets on SSI. Jeff said he gets almost $750. Howard said Jeff could wake up a little. Howard asked if he's okay. Jeff said he is. Howard said he's being weird. Howard said he loves being on the air. Jeff said nothing is weird. Robin said he is Jeff the Bore today. Howard said he looks like a hostage. Howard asked if he's happy to be there. Jeff said he is. Howard said he looks half dead. Jeff said he's fine.
Howard asked Robin to guess how old Jeff is. Robin said she thinks he's 52. Howard said he thought he was older than him. Jeff said he's 47. Howard said he's a young man. Howard asked what's wrong with him. Jeff said his legs are swollen and he has a problem with his hand. Howard said Jeff has it made. He said he has a $250 for rent to pay and he gets $750 a month SSI. Howard said he has a few bills to pay. Howard said he gets food stamps and things like that. Howard said he can spend the rest on cigarettes and beer. Jeff said that's right. Robin said she doesn't hear anything about saving. Howard said you can't save anything on that money. Jeff agreed.
Howard asked Jeff what he does all day. Jeff said he plays a lot on the computer, watches TV and does all of that. Howard said that's what he would love to be doing. Howard asked how many followers he has on Twitter. Jeff said he has almost 25,000 on Twitter. Howard said he goes on Instagram too. Jeff said he has less than 200 on there. He said he just started that. Howard said he should just go for a walk for 2 hours a day. Jeff said he should.
Howard said this whole Jeff the Bore thing is true. He said that he's kind of boring. Jeff said he doesn't think so.
Howard said they wanted to call Jeff the other day to prank him but they couldn't even do that. Howard played a clip and Will Murray was asking Jeff what was going on and his phone was making all kinds of noise. Will asked what's going on. Jeff told him to call him right back. Jeff said all of his phones are dying. He hung up on Will again. Howard said that's what happens when you call Jeff.
Jeff said everyone was calling him at the same time. He said he had to get a third phone. Howard asked how a guy like him has three phones. Jeff said he has three in the trailer.
Jeff coughed. Howard asked if he has a cold. Jeff said he does but then said it was from smoking. Howard said he went to the hospital the other day too. Jeff said he has a story there. Howard told him he bets that's not boring. Jeff said he went to the hospital and this gorgeous lady came in. He said he told her she was off the charts. Howard said just imagine that poor girl. Jeff said she asked if he smokes and drinks. He said he does all of that. Then he said she went to get the doctor. Jeff said he had to take a shit so he went to the bathroom down the hall. He said he walked down and he reached for the handle of the bathroom. He said then an explosion went off in his pants. He said he went in the bathroom and checked. He said the whole inside of his underwear was brown and wet. He said there was no way he was going to pout them back on. He said he took off his shoes and pants and it took like 25 fuckin' minutes. Jeff said the nurse said to him ''when nature calls, nature calls...''
Howard said he has some way of telling a story. Howard said that was boring. Howard asked what he did with the underwear. Jeff threw them away. Jeff said he didn't have to take his pants down for the doctor. He said that he has swollen legs and hand so he has to get a test done for that. Jeff said he has to get a nuclear stress test done. Howard asked what happened with that. Jeff said it didn't happen yet. Howard asked if they told him to stop smoking and all of that. Jeff said they were asking if he smokes cocaine. Jeff said he only smokes weed.
Howard took a call from a guy who was snoring on the line. Howard said look what Jeff did to him. Howard played a Little Mikey song parody about Jeff after that. Howard played a commercial parody about how drinking can make you very boring. They used clips of Jeff in that.
Howard said he's going to give Jeff the chance to not be boring. Howard said some chick invited Jeff back to her place to smoke weed. Jeff said that's not it. He had no energy. Howard asked what's wrong with him. Jeff said nothing is wrong. Robin said he just put her to sleep. Howard said Jeff said that some woman asked him to smoke. Jeff said she came over to his place. Howard asked if it was good smoke. Jeff said it was. He said they stayed an hour or so. Howard asked i they were just fans. Jeff said they were. He said ''Hello Christine.'' Howard played another song parody about Jeff the Bore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jeff should start drinking because he's boring. Howard said he thinks that he won't live much longer with all of this. The caller told him to just drink up. Howard said he doesn't know about that. The caller asked if he was told he's going to die or something. Howard said he doesn't think he has much longer in this world. He said he's not taking care of himself at all. Howard said they're losing so many members of the Wack Pack.
Howard said he thinks that Jeff the bore is a fitting name for him. He said he's out of things to talk to him about. Jeff said he wants some acting work. Howard said he's working so hard to make him interesting. Jeff said it's quite sad. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said that he thinks that Jeff is sleepy. He did his Jeff voice as he said that. Howard said he has that down. He said Jeff is like an energy vampire today. He asked if he has anything he'd like to say to the fans or anything. Fred said a few things but Jeff just said he's a bore. He said he concedes it. Howard said this isn't the Jeff he knows. Howard said the Jeff he knows would never concede to being a bore. Howard said he has no fight left in him. Jeff said he doesn't want to be a bore but what choice odes he have?
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who said that 10 years ago they did a show with Bob Levy and they went in his car to smoke a joint. He said that Jeff gave him a hand job. Howard asked if that's true. Jeff said ''fuck you.'' Jeff said he's lying. Ramone said he's not lying. Howard said Jeff wouldn't do that. Jeff said he wouldn't but Ramone said he was drunk and he did it. Jeff said they smoked outside of the car. Ramone said they did it in the car. Jeff said Ramone just wants his air time. Howard asked if he made that up. Ramone said he took advantage of him and he thinks Jeff doesn't remember. Jeff said that's not true. Howard let Ramone go and Jeff called him ''Gay boy'' as Howard hung up.
Howard tanked Jeff for coming in. Howard said that he needs a nap. Robin said they still have a show to do. Jeff said he'll sing a song for him. Howard asked what song. Jeff said he'll do ''Hurt'' for him. Howard said this is weird. Jeff said it's a great song. Howard said he's ruining his show. Jeff told him to stop it.
Jeff said he has to take a picture with him. Howard said later. He said later like next year. Howard said he thinks Jeff is going to be in some TV show soon. Howard asked where that will be. Fred, as Jeff, said he'll be on Bore-walk Empire. Jeff said he's going to be on a show called B-Roll and that will be on sometime next summer. He's still looking for acting work too.
Howard let Jeff go and said he's exhausted. He said he's so relaxed. Fred played a Little Mikey song parody about Jeff the Bore. Fred did more of his impression of boring Jeff. Howard said he's worried about Jeff. Fred started to sing ''Hurt'' and Howard said there's no way he could have sat through that.
Howard took a call from Yucko who said he was sitting in a tub about to slit his wrist. He said that they have a lot of talking animals in the cartoon and they wanted to get Jeff to play the part of a Boar. He said they offered him that part and then Jeff got angry at them and started yelling at him. Howard asked if they worry about getting amateurs to do the show and it might ruin it. Yucko laughed and said they don't worry about that.
Howard asked if anyone wanted to hear Jeff sing that song. Benjy said he came so alive over that though. Benjy said he found him boring but he thinks there is something underneath there. Howard said tis' like pulling teeth with him. Benjy said there is something deeper there. Howard said there is and his whole demeanor is off there.
Howard said he really feels like he needs a nap. He said he has to take a break to get his energy back. Howard said he'll get it together during the break. Howard asked Fred to stop doing the impression of Jeff. He said that was making it worse. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Jay became such a bullshit artist. Howard said people tell him he always was. Howard said he used to have Jay on the show and he had no problem with him until that stuttering John bullshit. Howard said hearing him recently he realized he doesn't get who he is. Howard said he fucking hates ISIS and Al Queada but he doesn't hate Jay like that. Howard said he just wouldn't want to work with him on AGT. Howard said he goes there to judge the talent and if people treat him in the right way then he's fine with it. Howard said he doesn't find Howie annoying like some people do. He said as long as he doesn't rattle on too long he's fine. He said Howie has been good about that. He said Heidi and Mel B are fine too. He said he'd still do the show if they were replaced. Howard said he thinks that it would be smart to have them all back but if they want to mix it up then go ahead and do it. Howard said that he thinks Nick Cannon is great on the show too.
Howard said that he recovered after Jeff left. He said he really did take the wind out of him. He said he's like a vampire.
Howard asked the caller if he wanted to win some money. The caller, Abraham, said he did. Howard said he has the Tan Mom Game. He said he has $500 from Panasonic to give away. Howard played the Tan Mom Game intro song. Howard said they ask Tan Mom a question and the caller has to guess 2 out of 3 right. Howard said he just has to figure out if she'll get it or not.
Howard said the first question was ''Where is Nigeria?'' Robin said it's in Africa. Howard said that's what they expect her to give as an answer. Abraham said he thinks that she will say Africa. Howard had Fred lock him in. Robin said she doesn't think she'll know. Howard played the question and answer. Tan Mom said ''Where people don't want to go, Egypt.'' Howard said poor Abraham.
Howard said he has two questions left and he has to get them both right. Abraham said that's okay. Howard played the next question which was ''What do tadpoles grow up to be?'' Howard asked Abraham if he knows. Abraham said a frog. Howard said that's right. Howard asked if Tan Mom will know. Abraham said he's going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Howard asked if he wants to know Robin or Fred's opinion on this. Abraham said Fred's. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks that even Bobo didn't know. He wondered if she's smarter than Bobo. Fred said she has to know something. He said he'll say she knows. Howard said Abraham has to use his own intuition. Abraham said he's thinking she knows it. Howard played her answer which was ''Frogs.'' Howard said they're in the game now.
Howard said the next question is ''What temperature does water freeze at?'' Abraham said it's 32 Celsius. Robin said that's wrong. Howard said Abraham didn't even know it. Howard said maybe Tan Mon will know it. Abraham said there is no way. He said he will hang up as soon as she says the right answer if she's right. Howard played her answer which was ''33 Celsius.'' She was wrong. Howard said she was closer than he thought she would be. Howard said that's impressive either way. Howard said Abraham won the $500. He put him on hold and wrapped up the game and then went to break.
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Howard came back and said he loves when the toilet flushes in that prank call they just played. Howard said today is election day. He said he's all for everyone voting but he thinks his vote should count more than Tan Mom or Teen Mom. Robin said Chris Rock had a line on Saturday Night Live that was really funny about how his vote counted just as much as a smart person.
Howard said sometimes he just votes democrat since his parents voted democrat. Howard said sometimes there's not a lot of thought put into it. Howard said he read the Daily News yesterday and he was going by what they say. He said if someone gets a hold of him then he usually goes that way. Howard said if less people vote then his vote does count more.
Howard said they're saying republicans are voting more now. Robin said there are initiatives that could assign personhood to a fetus. Howard said you better get pregnant now. Howard said he went by an abortion clinic and they had a going out of business sign up. Howard said he thought this was settled years ago.
Howard said yesterday some guy proposed to his girlfriend on the show. He said it was very romantic after he and Robin talked about shitting. Howard said the guy donated to North Shore Animal League and he had the chance to sit in during the news. Howard said the girl said yes. Howard said she put in 10 years with him so she had better say yes.
Howard said there's a workshop at Harvard about anal sex. Howard said he almost fell off his chair reading that. Howard said it's a real thing. Robin said it's a student run thing. Robin said they have Sex Week out there and they have one course in anal sex. Howard said he learned to eat pussy at ITT Tech. Howard said not really, he still doesn't know how to do it. Robin said they are going through the anatomy of the anus and talking about hygiene and preparation and techniques. Robin said they're talking about it for every gender too. That led to Fred playing the ''Robin's Anus'' song parody.
Howard said he has tired anal with women before. He said one chick was really good. He said she took his penis and stuck it right in there. He said it went in with no problem. Howard said he played it cool when he did it. Howard said that it was no big deal. Howard said it was fucking awesome. Howard said he doesn't like anal that much. He said he felt like something was poking back at him. Robin said that could be his imagination. Howard said he didn't see anything but it felt like something was in there.
Howard said he read a story in the NY Post today. He said this is from Russia. He said there's a story about a 6'6'' tall iPhone statue and it was taken down because Tim Cook came out as gay last week. They took it down over there because they have a ban on gay propaganda over there in Russia. Howard said we live in such a backward world. Robin said this is why people stay in the closet. Robin asked if this could hurt Apple sales. Howard said maybe for 2 seconds. He said that they have products that are just too good.
Howard said they found a woman on the internet who talks about how she doesn't like big dicks on guys. Howard said he liked hearing that. Howard said this woman is better looking than she sounds. He said he really does like hearing this. Howard played the clip and the woman was talking about how she can't suck it like she wants to suck it if the man is too big. Howard said if you're taping at home then you should turn off your radio. Robin said it sounds like it could be her kid. Howard said it could be.
Howard asked what would possess someone to make a tape like this. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard played more of the audio and the woman was complaining about guy's poking her with the big dick on her back. She said she's done after sex. She said she doesn't like to suck a dick when she feels like she's going to throw up. She said if they're too big she might throw up and that would sober her up.
Howard said Jeff Gordon the NASCAR driver called a guy a dipshit on TV. Howard played that clip and that made it to air. Howard said he thinks that some people don't realize that those words are dirty and you can't say them on TV. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said it's weird.
Howard said this guy Lou Holtz sneezed during a game. Howard played that clip of the guy letting out a huge sneeze while they were talking about a college football game.
Robin said there was a time when people aspired to be that better person. Robin said people are just who they are. Robin said it's mostly in her generation too. Howard said they have a horrible generation. He said it's the Baby Boomer generation. Howard said he knew it was going to be a diaster once they got into power.
The caller, Vince, said that the guy who killed John Lennon is getting visitation and things like that. He said once you're considered sane then you should be put on trial. Howard said he's actually talking about the guy who shot President Reagan. Howard said that he ruined Jim Brady's life and for this guy's family to live with that is horrible. Howard said that Jim was a bright guy and he was up and coming. He said it's sickening that the guy gets to go visit his family now.
Vince said the guy who shot the congresswoman in Arizona is still locked up in an insane asylum. Howard said they have to take these people and execute them publicly. Howard said fuck them. Howard said the world has gone kablooie. Howard said we need some kind of fear factor in this thing.
Howard said he read a story about an amusement park in China where a tiger attacked am 8 year old girl and killed her. Howard said the authorities are saying they don't know why it did that. Howard said it did that because it's a tiger. Howard said he's not sure how the girl got so close or anything. Howard said
Howard said he was listening to JD talking about his girlfriend on the Wrap Up Show. He said that he's dating this girl and he thought for sure he'd be proposing to her by now. Howard said it's really fascinating. Howard played some audio from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where JD talked about how he doesn't plan on proposing anytime soon.
Gary told Howard how great it was when JD was talking about how he wants to have his career set before he gets into a marriage. Howard said that JD just watches TV all day and pulls clips for him. Howard said it's stuff he'd be watching anyway. Howard said JD does a great job. He said if he's planning a next phase of his career now then he should start it now. Howard said he has to get into it quick. JD said he's aware. JD said he just knows he doesn't want to be in radio after this. JD said he would like to be in the film industry or TV. Howard said all he knows about film is watching it. JD said he knows. Howard said he's going to go up against guys who have been in the industry since they were 19.
JD said he has inquired about script doctoring and things like that. Howard said that's what Jackie wanted to do. Howard said JD has never done any of that. Howard said he should write a script for him. JD said he hasn't thought of anything perfect for Howard. Howard asked how long he's been there. JD said 10 years. Howard told him to write something for the Beet in the 25th Century thing. JD said that's someone else's.
Howard said Jackie used to say he didn't have to be there and he could be a script doctor in Hollywood. Howard said he wondered who would do that. Gary said Jackie said he could punch up scripts. Howard said they get comedians who do that for a living to do that. Howard said that there was a guy who did that named Babaloo Mandel who did that. JD said he knows that.
Howard said Seth Rogen is 2 years younger than JD and he does everything. Robin said he started as a teen. Howard said JD is doing a great job for him but it's just watching TV. Howard said it's not producing anything. JD said he knows. He said he does write stuff here and there. Howard said he's good too. He said he's witty. Howard said he has to learn to write a script. JD said he knows. He said he thinks he could do the script thing though. Howard and Fred goofed on JD doing his voice and coming up with things that he could do. Fred changed his name to Dr. Harm as the script doctor.
Howard said around there they do have a lot of scripts to write. JD mumbled something and said he hasn't thought of anything that great. Howard asked if he has any sitcom ideas. JD said he didn't want to get into it. Fred came up with ''Four's company'' for him to write. Howard asked JD what his favorite movie is. JD said he likes a lot but for this it's Pulp Fiction. Howard asked what he would have changed in that movie. JD said he doesn't see anything that needs changing. Howard asked if he would have changed other movies. JD said he would have changed Django Unchained to make it shorter. Howard said the doctor is in. JD said he would have cut out the Australians in the movie. Howard said there's something there. Howard said that he could have made the movie a real hit. JD said that was Quentin's vision and he wouldn't change it.
Howard said he thinks to be hired he'd have to write his own scripts. He said he should get started on writing this weekend. JD said okay.
Howard said he has to get back to JD on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said that he figured he would have proposed already. JD said that's not happening. Howard said he figured that he'd dive right in head first. JD said he's not Chevy Chase. Howard asked if he just said Chubby Chase. JD said that's not what he said. Howard said he loves that name. He said that's what he should use in Hollywood.
Howard said the girlfriend probably wants to change him and she'll eventually get him to marry her. Howard said that Ronnie told him that he went out to dinner with them and she leads JD around and takes charge. Howard said that she was telling him when to tuck in his shirt and things like that. Howard said tis' in a good way though. Howard said JD needs that and he thinks he likes it. JD said she definitely takes charge. Howard said JD is like Elephant Man. He did an impression of JD talking like Elephant Man.
Howard asked Ronnie to come in and talk about the girlfriend. Ronnie came in and said Howard had it right. Howard asked what happens during dinner. Ronnie said she was telling him how to eat and things like that. He said it's hard to explain. JD said she's more cultured than he is. Ronnie said she's very take charge. He said she's really nice and funny too. He said that she loves to talk and JD doesn't. Ronnie said he actually talks more around her. Ronnie said JD will start talking to him when she's talking to Stephanie. He said that usually doesn't happen. Ronnie said she's really good for him.
Howard asked if he dresses better around her. Ronnie said he does. Howard said he's a mess right now. JD laughed.
Howard said look at JD. He said he's ready for marriage. JD said they're in a monthly stage now. He said they haven't been in this for years. Howard said JD also reacted to a Golden Glove invite. Howard asked what that is. JD said Jon and Gary invited him to this event and he's not very comfortable at those things. Gary said it's a hot ticket and they have a ticket for him. He said JD doesn't seem to be that into it. Howard said he's probably more comfortable just sitting at home. Robin said he's only going out because she likes to go out. JD said he isn't bringing her to that event. Robin said she thought he was bringing her.
Howard asked how the web cam girl thing is going. JD said he has cut it out. He said that he hasn't been on with anyone in a few weeks. JD said that they had the whole fucking talk about it so he stopped. Howard asked if the girlfriend was upset about it. JD said that she isn't. JD said everything is fine. Howard asked why he stopped. JD said it's just odd. He said he didn't feel comfortable. Howard asked if he really hasn't been on. JD said he can believe what he wants. Howard asked if he swears on the lord that he hasn't been on. JD said he swears on whatever he wants.
JD said he's trying to be more fiscally responsible and things like that. He said he has to get things for people and pay for that. Howard asked what he's jerking off to. JD said that she's been around a lot so he doesn't have to do that so much. Howard said he jerked off last night. He said that he figured that he should get the poison out and he jerked off. He said that he watched a couple of lesbians fingering each other. He said he gave up on that and watched a teen giving a blow job to a guy. Howard said she wasn't really a teen. Howard said he was able to get off just thinking about her doing something. He said she was fully clothed and he was able to get off.
JD said he goes on TubeGalore. Howard said he tried going on there but they have too many pop ups. He said he likes YouPorn. JD mentioned a few others that he could check out. Howard said it's a man's world.
Howard played a clip of Jon Hein asking JD if he was voting. JD said that he didn't know if he was registered so Jon figured that was a no. Howard said Jon was right about that.
Howard said he's not sure there really is a job of script doctor out in Hollywood. Howard asked who would hire him to do that anyway. Howard played a song parody about JD and his web cam girls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD always thinks about the worst. He said that he thinks that if he marries someone she's going to chop him up and bury him in the back yard. He said he has to try to conquer his problems. Howard said JD is trying. He said he's going out with the guys and things like that. Howard said he is taking the heat on the job thing. Howard said no one has a back up plan there. Howard said even he doesn't have one.
JD said he has made friends in the industry. Howard asked who. JD said he doesn't want to get into it. Howard asked what connections he has. JD said he's not getting into it. Howard asked if he's talking about Ryan Phillippe. Gary said it might be the guys from ''It's Always Sunny...'' Howard said there isn't anyone. JD said he doesn't want to get into it.
Howard took a call from Wheels who congratulated him and Simon Cowell on being the highest earners in Hollywood. He said Howard and Simon make $95 million. Howard said that's just not true. He said he wishes he made that kind of money but he doesn't make that. Howard said he kind of knows what he makes and it's not up there. Wheels said they say he makes $15 on AGT. Howard said that could be even higher but it doesn't add up to 95. Howard said there are three companies involved with AGT and Simon is involved but he's not the big boss. He said NBC that calls a lot of the shots there. Wheels asked how he makes more than Mark Burnett. Howard said maybe he doesn't. Wheels said they say he does in the paper. Howard said that doesn't mean they're right. Howard said he'd love to own that title if it was true. Robin said he should just take it. Howard said maybe he will.
Howard said they have Glenn Beck at 90 million too. Howard said he'd like to know how that happens. Robin said they say he has merchandise too. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he must have a lot of subscribers to his stuff.
Howard and Robin went through the list of people on that list he was on. They talked about Wendy Williams and people like that. Howard said he'd like to know what Jerry Springer is making. Howard said he tried to get it out of Steve Wilkos but he never did.
Howard said he'd like to know how FOX News makes money. He said it's just infomercials and William Devane commercials. He and Robin talked about that for a minute and said they should take a break. Howard said he didn't get to the Wolfie stuff. JD walked out and threw down his headphones. Robin said he doesn't have to walk out of there angry. They played JD out with a song parody about him as they were going to break. They also played a prank call the guys made to a woman using Crazy Alice audio clips.
Howard said it's a terrible system. Pete said he's anti-Obama. He said Obama hates the Jews so he's against him. He said Obama called Netanyahu a chicken shit. He said he's encouraging people to vote republican today.
Howard asked if Pete and Gonzo are in a feud. Howard had Gonzo on the phone and the two of them started going at each other. Pete said that Gonzo is a monotone retard. Howard asked what's going on here. He asked if they are at war. Gonzo said that this is manufactured and it's all about Pete. Pete said that Gonzo stole Eric the Midget's name ''shitcock'' from him. He said that this is all manufactured and Gonzo was writing this stuff with Johnny Fratto. Gonzo said that's not true. He said that Pete just wants to get on the air and this is how he does it. Howard said this is a new feud that everyone wants to know about.
Howard said Pete is a good caller. Gonzo said he's a terrible caller. Howard said he thought Gonzo was in hiding after the whole Eric thing. Gonzo said he wanted to be respectful to Eric after he died. Howard let them go after that.
Robin read a story about Lupita Nyong'o talking about how Oprah has become a reference point for women. Robin said she says that it helped her learn to step into her own power. She said they have the dictionary, the bible and then Oprah.
Robin read about how Clay Aiken is running for office in North Carolina. Howard said he wonders what kind of candidate he is. Howard said he's kind of creepy. Robin read some details about what Clay is doing. Howard said when he says he's creepy it's not a bad creepy. He said he's just a little odd. Robin had some audio from one of Aiken's political commercials. She had some other clips of him too. Howard said that there are some politicians you believe and he just isn't going for this. He said that's his problem as a candidate.
Howard said this guy Nik Wallenda does incredible feats and it's really not that big of a deal. Howard said the ratings went down for that walk he did this weekend. Howard said that you have to act scared but this guy is chatting while he's up on the wire. Howard played a clip of Wallenda talking to his dad as he was walking. Howard said he makes it seem like it's not a big deal. Howard said he tells the contestants who do danger acts on AGT that they have to look nervous. Howard said if someone is smiling then he's not concerned. Howard played more of Wallenda doing his walk and it didn't sound dangerous at all. Howard said it's kind of like Clay Aiken and he just doesn't buy it.
Robin said Howard is always talking about not putting bumper stickers on his car. Robin said you have to do the same with Halloween outfits. Robin said a man attacked someone dressed as a FOX News reporter on Halloween. Robin said the guy said he hates FOX News and he got hit with a tennis racquet. Robin said the man was arrested for the attack. Howard said he was watching that Kimberly Guilfoyle on FOX and she said she would date him. Howard said that made him crazy so he had to tune in and watch her. Robin asked what happened. Howard said he thinks she's hot. Howard said someone should be dating that girl. He said she's single. Howard said he doesn't get why she's single. Howard said some dude should be banging her. Howard said she's got big tits and they're real. Howard said she probably has a big bush too. He said he has the feeling the women on FOX News don't shave. Howard said Kimberly is bossy and she's a lawyer. Howard said he thinks she'd boss a guy around. Howard said he heard that Roger Ailes doesn't let the women shave. He said that's his edict over there.
Robin brought up the story that Howard told her about yesterday. Robin said she read that article and found it interesting. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that. That led to Howard playing a prank call Sal and Richard made to G. Gordon Liddy with Crackhead Bob clips saying that he had been captured by Al Queada. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:30am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to more news. Robin read a story about employees going to work in One World Trade Center for the first time in over 10 years. Robin said that Conde Nast moved in and they're the first tenant there. Robin said that's wonderful. Howard agreed.
Robin said Jay Leno is returning to the Tonight Show as a guest on Friday. Robin said that it's his first time on the show since he turned it over to Jimmy Fallon.
Robin read a story about how many kids Stevie Wonder has. She said he has 8 and his fiancee is pregnant with triplets. Howard said ''Wow!'' to that. Howard said look at him, way to go.
Robin read about how Michael Bloomberg reserved a bunch of .NYC web site domains yesterday. Robin said he also took the time to grab up things like MikeIsADweeb.com and things like that. Howard said that guy really micro manages a lot of things.
Robin said she has some Ebola news. Robin said she understands the nurse from Maine has come to an agreement and she has to closely monitor her medical condition. Robin said she doesn't have to be in quarantine though. Robin said there's another woman who has resigned instead of agreed to a 21 day paid leave after going to Kenya. Robin said that she was 5 states away from any Ebola but they wanted her to take 21 days off.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about what he thinks about going to 20th reunions for high school. Howard said the best thing about that is going back to see how badly people aged. Howard said he had a girl who was so fucking hot in his high school. He said he was a big dweeb and he'd look at her thinking how hot she was. Howard said he would go on Facebook and look her up every year or so. Howard said he figured she would have aged well. Howard said she was never on Facebook. Then this year she joined. Howard said he took a look at her and she looked like his grandmother. Howard said Facebook is the greatest thing. He said it's so great to see how badly people age. Howard said there was a girl he banged in high school that he'd like to see but she's not on there either. Howard said she was older than him when he banged her. He said he has a feeling that Bruce Jenner is hotter than her now. Howard said he only lets people he knows friend him on Facebook. He said that he gets a lot of requests there.
Howard said he was a dweeb in high school and he's sure that people thought he was a volunteer or something. He said he was in the Key Club for a while but he didn't play sports or anything. He said the people who knew him didn't really like him. He said to go to a reunion would be horrible. He said he has no desire to go back. Robin said she knows people who enjoy that. Howard told the caller he should go just to see how bad people look now. The caller said you have to go because people don't post that many pictures on Facebook. Howard said he saw one girl who was okay looking and now she's really good looking.
Howard said Gary wanted to say something but he left. Gary said he could see how disinterested Howard was in him. Howard said he really was. Gary said he saw a girl online who looked like she held up really great. He said it turned out to be her daughter and he looked over 3 women and she didn't hold up great. Howard said that he wanted to fuck this girl in school but she had no interest in him. Howard said he went on her Facebook and her daughters are on there and they're hot. Howard said he would date them but not the woman. Howard said he would friend request the daughters instead.
Howard said he thinks this caller should go. Howard asked if he's married. The caller said he is. Howard asked how he looks. The guy, Paul, said he looks about the same and his wife is pretty good looking too. Howard said he should parade her around. Howard asked if he was a cool football player in school. Paul said he was sort of in the middle in school. Howard said he aspired to be in the middle.
Howard said Benjy must have been sort of cool in high school. Benjy said he was sort of known in school. He said it's just like it is there. Howard said people didn't like him. Benjy said he thinks he had respect in school. Howard asked if he was good at wrestling. Benjy said he wasn't great but he won a couple matches. Howard asked if he was a huge asshole in school. Benjy said he almost got expelled. Howard asked what for. Benjy said he took over a PA system at a football game. He said he was making statements about having prayer before the game and things like that. Howard said he's kind of like Ducky in Pretty in Pink. Benjy said he also rigged an election. Howard said he was an enormous asshole in school too. Howard said good for him.
Howard said they went to Roosevelt asking people if they would sign a petition to get a statue of him there. Howard played the audio and everyone was saying no. They were saying that he doesn't do anything for them. One guy said that he can't forget about Howard Stern and people don't remember that's where he was from. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Derek Jeter walking around with some model. She wondered how long he can do that. Howard said he thinks that he'll pull a George Clooney and get married eventually. Howard said he needs a girl like Robin Quivers. Howard said by the time he's 53 he'll have a woman. He's 40 now. Howard said he still has a lot of fucking to do. Howard said he heard he's going to become a script doctor now that he's done with baseball.
Robin read a story about Taylor Swift who has removed her entire catalog from Spotify. Howard said the record company is for sale and they think if they can sell a lot of records they can make a lot of money. Howard said if they remove her from Spotify they feel more people will buy it. Howard said he thinks she'll end up back on there. He said these artists have to change their paradigm and just go with that like it's radio.
Robin read a story about ISIS killing a bunch of people in Iraq. Howard said it's such a nightmare for those people.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Gary says ''you know'' a lot on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Gary isn't a professional broadcaster. He said he would encourage Gary to stop doing that. He said he knows he gets into patterns and he's able to change it. Howard said it's difficult to change a pattern. King said it's fun counting Gary saying it. He said he counted 37 times yesterday. Howard said that's in an hour. Howard said that many people pointed out that he used to say ''the fact of the matter is...'' and he thinks he has that under control. King said Howard still says it often. Howard thanked King for the call.
King asked Howard if he could eat whatever he wanted, what would it be. Howard said pizza, pasta and ice cream. king asked what he would put on the pizza. Howard said mushrooms and all of the usual stuff. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel makes great pizza and he puts all kind of stuff on his. Howard said he doesn't eat any meat though. Howard said he would eat various candies as well. He said he would eat Tootsie Rolls, Milk Duds, Black Cows, Snickers and anything with chocolate and peanuts. Howard said he would eat all of that stuff if he could. Howard said he'd eat Reese's peanut butter cups instead of grilled fish with vegetables. Howard said that's how he stays slim and sexy though. Howard let King go after that. Howard said he's one of those guys who loves talking and you can't hang up on him.
Robin read a story about TV shows that split people into democrats and republicans. Howard said he thinks everyone watches The Walking Dead. Robin said there are some things that you know Republicans watch and some that Democrats watch. Howard said he doesn't think like that. Robin said there is a survey that found that certain shows lean to a certain party. Robin said The Daily Show and The Colbert Report lean toward Democrat. Howard said that's a political show though. Robin said that there are other shows that lean that way as well. They're shows like Modern Family, Portlandia and shows like that. Robin said there are other shows like Duck Dynasty and Pawn Stars that lean toward Republicans. Howard said he watches FOX News and MSNBC and even Jon Stewart. Howard said he doesn't accept that information.
Robin read some election news and also read about Governor Christie having a problem with a heckler at an event over the weekend. Howard said he reminds him of his dad in that clip. Christie was yelling back at the heckler and he tells him to sit down and shut up until he can have the conversation later. Howard said he thinks that he talks like a regular guy. He said he was basically telling the guy to shut the fuck up. Howard said he wants that in the President. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Robin read about how Bill Gates' foundation is donating $500 million to help stop disease in countries where they're a big problem. Robin said they've already given a lot to fight Ebola.
Robin read about how Bob Geldof is going to be donating money from the We Are the World song to help fight Ebola as well.
Robin read about a man delivering sheet rock getting killed when a tape measure fell 50 stories and hit him in the head. Howard said that poor guy. Robin said the tape was on someone's belt and it fell. Robin said some guy had it on his belt and it became dislodged and hit this man. Robin said it struck equipment about 10 or 15 feet from the ground and then bounced and hit the guy who was delivering the sheet rock. Robin said he died shortly after being taken to a hospital.
Robin read about a boy who was hurled from a bridge by his mother and how they found the body. Robin said the mother is being questioned about why she did it. She already admitted to it.
Robin read about U2 returning to the Tonight Show. Robin said they are going to sit in for a full week on the show.
Robin said the movie Interstellar is getting some good reviews. Robin said they say the acting and writing is on point. Howard said he can't wait to see it.
Robin read about Jennifer Lopez writing a book that's coming out this week. Robin had some audio of her talking about some stuff that's in the book. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon asked Gary if he's irritated. Gary said that he wasn't irritated. He said as soon as King ran out of things to say Howard hung right up on him.
Jon asked Gary about Howard looking at him and chasing him out of the studio. Gary said he's probably not going to go in anymore until he has to. He said he won't go in with a thought, just a fact. He said that's all he's going to do from now on. He said maybe Howard is sick of him with his stories.
Jon said earlier in the show Gary brought Jeff the Drunk in before Howard was ready for him. JD said he could hear Howard tell Gary to just bring him in anyway. Gary said they don't rehearse this stuff so his cue to bring someone in isn't clear. He said he heard Howard say Jeff was there so he went in to get him. He said he can't hear the show that well on the way from his office to the green room. Gary said it happens once in a while. Gary said they have talked about a buzzer or a light to bring in the guest but that may not work either. Jon said it happens to everyone. Sal said of course it does.
Jon said sometimes you miss part of a conversation from the time you hear the first mention to the time you get into the studio. Sal said he's on medication for anxiety. Jon asked when that happened. Sal said he shakes when he has to do certain things for Howard. He said he's worried about screwing up. He said he takes a pill or he shakes like crazy. He said the pill is a beta blocker that helps you stop shaking. Sal said this is a prescription drug. He said he takes one or two pills a day. He said musicians take them to help with the shaking when they play an instrument.
Sal said he has a lot of things on his plate and his hands will start to shake. He said he pops the pills to stop them. Jon asked if JD has seen the shaking. JD said he hasn't seen it that much. He said he's not around him that much either. Sal said he thinks it's the adrenaline in his body that causes it. Jon asked how much of it is mental. Sal said a lot of it is. He said you just don't want to screw up for Howard.
Jon said that Gary has his throat clearing and Sal has the tremors. He said everyone is trying to do the best they can. He said he didn't know he was on medication and that he's out of it now. Sal said he has to get it refilled today actually. He said he's out. Sal told Gary he should try it after talking to a doctor about it. He said there are no side effects. Sal said it just controls the physical aspects of the anxiety.
Jon asked Sal if he's voting today. Sal said he is and he's voting for Cuomo. Jon asked why. Sal said he's been thinking about this. He said that it seems like no matter what these guys talk about taxes. He said when he looks at a politician he thinks about the integrity of the man. He said that Cuomo did some things like investigating people who were going out and helping people in need. He said that's the kind of thing that the guy is doing to help us out when we're in need. He said that's how he's voting. He said it's based on the person's merit and morals.
Jon asked if it matters if he's a democrat or republican. Sal said it doesn't matter to him. He said it's based on his morals. Sal said that this Astorino guy isn't that well known so he's going with Cuomo. Gary asked what he knows about that guy. Sal told Gary some things he heard about the guy.
Gary said that it might sound simplistic to some but Sal could be saying the most brilliant thing. He said that he's been through 5 governors and his taxes go up every time. He said that no one is going to give you money back. Gary said that what Sal is saying could be right.
Jon asked about the staff and who is going to be voting. Jon said he thinks JD wants to vote but he may not be able to. Gary asked where he thought he was going to vote if he had gone. JD said that he figured it would be somewhere near him. He didn't really know. Gary asked if he was just going to walk in and vote. JD laughed. He said that wasn't a great plan.
Jon asked Sal about the propositions that Howard is voting on. Sal said he agrees with Howard on a lot of that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the beta blockers are called. Sal said it's Propanalol. The caller said ''it's Propanol you idiot.'' Sal said he thinks it's the way he said it.
Jon asked Sal about how he's going to vote for the Lieutenant Governor. Sal said he doesn't know them so well. He said he's going to trust that the guy running with Cuomo is the guy he'd go for. They went to break a short time later.
Jon played a clip where Howard talked to Jeff about how hard he was working to make him interesting. Jon said Jeff is depressed. He said it's a matter of how depressed. Gary said he's never been positive. Jon said he has shown some interest when he sings or something. Gary said when he sang with Carly Simon it was something he showed some interest in.
Jon said they found out that Jeff is 47 years old. Sal said he looks a lot older. Gary said he thought he was going to say 56. He said when he said 47 he figured he was six years younger than him and he looks like he could be his grandfather.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jeff started calling in back in 1998 or so and he looked like shit back then. Gary said he's aged dramatically since then. The caller said he thought he was 50 back when he was trying to bang Tabitha Stevens. Gary said they talk about Mariann from Brooklyn and what she'd do if the show went away. Gary said he thinks that the show is the reason Jeff gets up in the morning. He said he thinks that's what gets him up every day. Jon said that's a good point. He said he thinks a lot of people won't know what to do if Howard goes away. Jon said he thinks it will be difficult for Jeff when Howard leaves. Jon said you wonder how depressed a guy he will be. Sal said some people want to move past that and get over it.
Jon said there are so many inspiring stories on the show about people who go out and do things. Gary said most of what Jeff has going on works fairly well. He said you'd think he'd be able to do something with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's going to be hard for anyone when Howard retires. He said that's inevitable. He said they need more Stern there so maybe he can do something from his living room. Jon said they do hope he keeps going but some day the show is going to stop. He said that's hard for a lot of people to wrap their heads around.
Gary said that he has friends who have parents in nursing homes and things like that. He said they can't go anywhere without someone driving them. Gary said that Jeff is sort of house bound because of that. He said he can't imagine what it meant for him to come to the birthday show. He said that most of the time he's just sitting at home.
Sal said he took care of Jeff and the Wack Packers in line. He said Jeff was a real gentleman out there. He said he didn't want to screw that up so he stayed quiet.
Jon said another guy who is loyal to the show is Yucko. He said he called in a few times and today was his shining moment. Jon said that he's had some bad moments on the show but today was a good one. Jon asked JD why he thinks he did so well. JD said he did good at Comikaze and Howard liked that and the voice he did. Sal said he was a shining star today and he got to talk about his cartoon. He said it all went well.
Jon had Yucko on the phone so he congratulated him on that. Yucko said he had Waco on the line with him too. He said they've been doing the Damn Show for 14 years together. He said he's like his right hand man. Gary asked if he's back to dating now. Yucko said he's getting out there. He said the bars there are weird. He said you can't talk to someone there without thinking they want something from you. JD said Yucko posts things from out there and he waits in line for video games and stuff. Gary asked if he picks up chicks there. Yucko said not at all. He said in all honesty he's pretty much the guy who he's busting balls of at Comic-Con. He said that he knows the stuff he asks people about at those events. Waco said the duffel bag Yucko has over his shoulder is full of comic books.
Sal said the thing that sucks for Roger is that he's Yucko or a cartoon voice. He said he's always in disguise. He said he has to do something where he's just Roger. Gary asked what it would be like to go to his house and see that clown outfit in his house. He said that would be kind of shocking.
Yucko said he went out with a girl who didn't believe that he was Yucko and he brought his horn with him. He said that's pretty pathetic. Sal said you don't want to be a clown. He said that you want to be someone really big.
Jon said it's good to hear Yucko on again and he's happy for the success of the show. Yucko said that Richard will be on tonight's episode of Brickleberry. Jon thanked Waco and Roger/Yucko for calling in and let them go.
Sal said that he was at Scores once and Lonnie was so great at telling the girls that they were someone they weren't. He said that he sat down with a girl once and asked if she knew who that guy was sitting across from him. It was Benjy but she thought that he was the director of Madagascar.
Gary said they were at Scores once and they had no air in the room. It turned out that Benjy had his back up against the air vent. He said Howard kicked him out because of that. They went to break after that.
Gary said that Jackie used to talk about punching up scripts. He said that he wanted to do that if he left the show. Gary said that he knew a guy who did it so that's why Jackie thought he could do it.
JD said he's not sure he's that much of a writer. He said he's slowly realizing that. JD said that he was thinking about doing that instead of working on a full script. He said maybe he could ease his way into writing a full script. Jon said he thinks it might work the other way around. He said he might have to do things the other way. JD said he thinks he could help someone out and that would make it easier for him to work on his own.
Gary said he knew a guy who punched up scripts. He said the writers would write and then the guy would get them and punch them up. He said he was able to write a full script himself though. He said he's not sure you can just fix them up.
Sal asked JD if he would look at a treatment and give his opinion on it. JD said possibly. Jon played a clip of Howard talking to JD about that.
After that clip Jon asked JD if he continues to pursue it even if he knows it might not be possible. JD sounded exasperated to Jon about it. JD said that he's tired of talking about it and sounding like an idiot.
Jon asked JD if he wanted to talk about something else. JD said he would like that. Jon asked if he went to his high school reunion. JD said he doesn't think anyone there would really care about what he's up to. JD said he thinks that the area he came out of is kind of religious. He said they might not find it that cool. He said he didn't talk to a lot of people back then. He said that they can keep up through Facebook if they want to. JD said he had friends in high school but he parted ways with them. Sal asked if that's because he just blew them off after becoming famous. JD said it's not that.
Jon asked Sal if he went to his reunion. Sal said he did and it was fine. He said he went to his wife's too and that was different. Jon asked how people held up. Sal said there are a lot of bald, grey and fat guys. He said there are still people still living through their high school years. He said especially the jocks.
Gary asked if Sal's wife went to his reunion. Sal said she did. He said that they both went to each other's. Sal said he was bragging about banging a girl from a competing school. Gary asked if they knew he was from the show. Sal said that it was before he was on the show. He said it was his 15th reunion. He said he's not sure he'd go to another one.
Jon asked Lisa G if she would go. Lisa said she just went to her's and people didn't have to look at her name tag. She said that means that you look good if they know you without looking at the tag. Lisa said it was fun but if you gain weight you don't look as good. She said that she spoke to Gary about going to his and she went because of that. Jon said Gary really holds the torch for that. Gary said he went to a few. He said he had a good experience in high school. He said junior high school was different. Gary said that he had a lot of friends and he walks in with 4 or 5 of them. He said he enjoys seeing the people he went to school with. He said he doesn't have anything negative to say about them. Gary said he likes people and he can walk into a party and think about talking to people he hasn't spoken to in a while. Gary said Howard is the opposite of him.
Lisa said that Gary has a great attitude toward that. She said that's why she asked him about it. Gary said even his wife calls him the Mayor because he knows everyone. Sal said that he wouldn't want to go to the reunion if he was on the show. He said he'd want to keep it low key. Sal said the people who say they can't wait to go and show people how they're doing are the biggest douche bags there.
Gary said it was great for him because he got to see how friends are doing and they had a really good time. Sal said they had a nerdy kid in his school and he came in with a girl on each arm. He said he looked like the biggest jerk off in the world. He said he came off really poorly. Gary said there are people like that too. He said there are people who are hanging on to those years which is really sad too. Sal said he likes getting the eye from the girls who didn't look at him in school. Gary said that's great too. Gary said those things mean a lot.
Jon asked Gary if his wife likes that he's the Mayor. Gary said that she does get annoyed. He said he enjoys people and he knows everyone. Sal said that Gary almost seems obligated to stop at ever clique. He said that he will stop at a group and tell a joke and then share the same thing at another group. He said he thinks that's a good quality he has. Gary said that he feels he has to do things like that at their holiday party and things like that.
Jon said Sal is pretty good at shmoozing too. Sal said he has a problem of leaving his wife behind and not paying attention to her. He said he can be the jackass at the party and that's his problem.
Gary said his wife knows that he won't spend the whole night with her. He said she will stay in the same spot for an hour and he'll be moving around. He said they're the exact opposite.
Jon had Lisa G run down her news headlines for today. Lisa gave a few things that they have coming up today on Howard 100 News. Jon and Lisa got in plugs for Leiberman Live and Sternthology as well. The guys got in their plugs and Gary got in a correction for what Pittsburgh Pete said earlier. He said it wasn't Obama who called that guy a chicken shit. He said it was one of Obama's guys who said that. He just wanted to get that out there. They ended the show around 11:05am.
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Howard started the show talking about how exhausted he was. Robin said the show just started. Howard said he has to go home and go to bed. He said he was on the phone last night and he has some shit going on. He said now he's wrecked. Robin asked if he could have done it earlier. Howard said he couldn't.
Howard said Martin Short is coming in today. He said he met him at a wedding a couple of years ago. He said he was the funniest guy there. He said he's so cool. Robin asked if people doing that feel they have to be on all the time. Howard said his mind is just funny and he's on all the time. Howard said he always thought he was talented. He said he thought he was under utilized in show business. Howard said in the movies it worked and on SNL it worked. He said on SCTV it worked too. Robin said he's never been the star of a movie but he's the spice. Howard said the guy is so talented. Robin said he was on Broadway and he was very good.
Howard said he feels that David Letterman is annoyed with his guests. He said he saw Martin Short on with Dave and he seems pissed off. Howard said he's not sure why he feels that way. Robin said she'll have to take a look and see what he's talking about.
Howard said he was watching Don Rickles on with Craig Ferguson. He said he has to walk with a cane but once he's sitting down he's spot on. Howard said it sucks that he has to hobble along. Howard said he's sure Don hates that too. He said getting older is a big pain in the ass. Howard said he's been thinking a lot about death lately. He said it's so weird to think about that. Howard asked Robin if she thought about that with her cancer. Robin said sure. She said she was wondering what was going to happen because she might not make it. Howard said it must have done a number on her head. Robin said not really. She said she's okay not being there. Howard asked why that is because she loves being there. Robin said she can't tolerate hobbling around with a cane. She said she's not that person. She said that would be terribly depressing to her. Howard said she said that to him a few times. Howard said he doesn't care if they turned her into just a head and attached her to a tube. Robin said she could not be Steven Hawking.
Howard said he told the doctors to do what they had to do even if it meant putting her head on a tube. He said he needed her brain to keep functioning.
Robin said there is a movie coming out about Steven Hawking. Howard said he can't watch that. Robin said he's been able to watch other movies like that. Howard said he can't watch that one. Robin said just thinking that you're a head is an amazing thing. Howard said they had a whole thing planned for Robin. They were going to put her head on Benjy's body. Robin said she would not be happy with that. Howard said what they were going to do was attach her to his body. Robin said she wasn't even able to let him visit her when she was sick. Howard said everyone visited her but Benjy.
Benjy said it was tough because Robin kept telling him to try again next week. Robin said it was tough for her to tell him not to come. She said that she really didn't want him to visit. Robin said the thought of him visiting just didn't work. Howard said some people are just the wrong time all the time.
Howard said Chemo didn't bother Robin but Benjy did. Howard said she said that the Chemo was fine and she felt energized by it. Robin said that she got the best night sleep she ever had when she got Chemo once. Howard said he and Robin would get together and talk about the news and TV and things like that. Benjy asked if there was crying together. Howard said he didn't cry with Robin. He said he did cry when he wasn't with her. Robin said she and Howard did cry on the phone together. Howard said he and Robin had a good time hanging out when she was sick. Robin said Howard was amazing. She said that he was the best visitor. She said that they just had a conversation and didn't talk about the illness. Howard said that was his game plan.
Howard said he would yell at Robin about the shit she was watching on TV. He said that sometimes he was so bad. He said he went to visit a friend in the hospital the other day. He said he's glad Beth was with him. He said he didn't know what to say but Beth did. Howard said Beth even pointed it out and asked what happened. Howard said he's just not good with this stuff.
Howard said just because he was good with Robin doesn't mean that he'll be good with Fred or anyone else. Fred said he's bringing his iPad. Howard said good. He said he just can't do that again with anyone. Robin said she'd be hooked up to tubes and Howard would come in and complain about his life. She said it cracked her up every time. Howard said it makes you realize that other people have it worse than you. Howard said his suffering just lingers.
After playing the clip Howard said Gary is totally paranoid. Howard said he was just explaining to Will that he sits behind a lot of equipment and when he's running the show he's busy looking around the room to see what his options are. Howard said he was thinking about something and he was going to go to Gary. He said he can't just go right to Gary. Howard said he will look over at Fred and see if he has to do a commercial and things like that. Howard said Gary comes in and then he leaves when he doesn't get right to him. Howard said Gary is no different than the callers. He just leaves when he's not getting right to him.
Howard said he was going to go to Gary and Gary walked away. Howard said he was pressuring himself to get done and Gary is gone. He said he's worked with the guy for 20 something years. He said he should know better. Howard said he's going to call him Bobo Booey. He said he's not Baba Booey anymore. Robin said he's off base.
Howard said Gary sent out a memo about how Howard isn't interested in them anymore. Howard said he had to ask Gary why he would say that to them. Howard said he is very interested in them. Howard said Gary wrote him back and said he fucked up. Howard said he's juggling a lot of balls. Howard said he told him to juggle two more on his chin.
Gary said he was having a bad day yesterday. Robin asked what he said about that memo. Howard said it only went to Will. He said that he took it back. Howard said he's not being mean. He said sometimes he just doesn't have time for everyone. Robin said when you've been through what she's been through you don't sweat the small stuff. Howard said Robin is his hero.
Howard said he walked in and people got excited. He said he's happy about that but he tried to keep his head down trying to vote. Howard said people were trying to talk to him and he had to say he was trying to vote. Howard said you come in and people want to talk. Howard said one guy was retarded and working there. Howard said he was talking loud and saying he had an interaction with him. He said he just wanted to go vote. Howard said he went over and this old black guy said he wanted to take a picture with him. Howard said these were people who worked there too. Robin said that should not be happening.
Howard said he figured he'd take the picture with the old black guy. He said he figured it was good for race relations. Howard said he was guilting himself over that. Howard said he thought about Roosevelt and how this is good for race relations. Howard said he was thinking about how there aren't black sitcoms on. Robin said there are. She said Blackish is one.
Howard said he told the guy he was trying to figure out the voting and the guy looked at him like he was the white devil. Howard said he just wanted to vote. Howard said he's just crotchety. He said Ronnie should be telling people that he's just there to vote, not to make an appearance.
Howard said in the old days you could jerk off in the booth. Robin said now you just stand out there trying to fill in the circles. Howard said he didn't care that people could see who he was voting for because he said it on the air. Robin said they do things in a very complicated way.
Howard said Sal should leave if that's the case. Howard said he never asks Sal what he's doing or says anything critical. He said he's not sure what he could be messing up. Robin said he does mess up a lot. Howard said Gary is the one who has to deal with him, not him. Howard said he thinks that Sal's personal life is a mess too. He said these pills aren't because of just him. He said they're from other things too.
Howard called Sal saying ''Hey stupid!'' He told him to get in there. Howard asked Sal if he's blaming him for his medical condition. Sal said he's not blaming Howard. He said he's blaming himself. Howard said he's just asking Sal to make phony phone calls. Sal said he's doing more than that. Howard asked why he would take medication. Sal said he just doesn't want to screw up so he worries. Howard said he should go back to being a stockbroker. Sal said he can handle the pressure there. Howard said he doesn't want to cause him essential tremors. Sal said they have gotten worse and he wants to make sure he does his job right. He said if the tremor gets into the way of that he's correcting it with his medication.
Howard asked why he cares if his hand shakes making phony phone calls. He said that doesn't matter. He said Sal is back there shaving Richard. He said he's acting like a surgeon. Howard said he thinks that it's his home life that makes him shake. Sal said that could be part of it. Howard said he thinks that he shakes because his wife hates him. Sal said she doesn't hate him. Howard said that's the same look he gives Gary so he knows.
Howard told Fred to tell these fucks that he's fun. Howard said Fred has been with him for so many years and he doesn't shake. Howard told Sal to calm himself down over there.
Sal said he just loves this show so much and he doesn't want to screw up. Howard said he taught Sal Transcendental Meditation and that would help his tremors. Sal said he has done it and it doesn't help. He said he stopped doing it. Howard said he didn't give it a chance. Sal said he gave it 2 weeks. Howard said he heard it was 2 days. Howard asked if he expected magic. Sal said he didn't see much in it. Howard said his tremors may have stopped if he had kept it up.
Sal wasn't able to say Transcendental meditation. Howard said he can't even say it. He said he practiced something that he didn't even learn the name of. Howard said he's been doing it since he was 18. He said he was a horrible insomniac and he used it for that. He said he began to feel more creative and relaxed. He said within months he stopped smoking cigarettes. He asked if that's enough for him. Sal said he heard it was supposed to calm him down. Howard said it does. Howard said it makes you a better person.
Howard said Sal is an idiot not knowing how to say the name of it. He said he's glad he shakes. He played Sal's ''Shake'' song from when he was a teen and said that's appropriate. Howard said Sal told Gary to take the same medication. He said that's not what he should be doing. Sal said that Howard factors into all of that and he was just talking about that. Robin said Howard doesn't factor into it.
Howard said he doesn't interact with Sal. He said he only compliments his work. He said unlike his other bosses he's complimenting him. Sal said he wanted to correct his physical issue and be good on the show. He said he had anxiety over all of that. He said that's why he took the medication. Howard said he doesn't care about the medication. He told him to just not blame him. Howard said this guy goes into work and shuts his door and he doesn't hear from him all day. Howard said he doesn't even bust his balls when he doesn't hear a phony phone call.
Howard played Crackhead Bob singing ''Had a bad Day.'' Sal said that Howard isn't stressing him out. He said that it's other things. He said that's what he should have said. Howard told Sal to go take his pills. Sal said he took 2 already. Howard asked him to say Transcendental Meditation. Sal tried it again but he kept saying ''Trasiental'' or something like that. Sal tried one more time and said ''Tranental'' and got it wrong. Howard told him to go back to his office. Howard said all of his apologies sound the same. Howard played one from years ago when they fooled him into making an apology.
Howard said it seems how the rest of the country seems to vote the way he and Robin do. He said they try to think it through. He said that things aren't going so well with Obama so they vote republican to balance the shit out. Howard said that's the way it seems like everyone is voting.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said he's looking forward to Beet Rogers in the 25th century. Howard said they have Amy Poehler and William Shatner in that series. Howard said they have Howie Mandel too. He said they have a major cast there. Howard said that Beet Rogers will be coming out next year. Howard said they're very excited about that.
Howard said they have a team working on another series with Gary the Conqueror. Howard said it's called Special Needs Dracula. Howard said this is must see radio. Howard played the promo for Beet Rogers. Howard said they're in discussions about if it will be weekly or a daily thing. Howard said Howie Mandel is so good in the promo. He said he doesn't over play it. Howard said Amy Poehler plays the robot and she's so good too. Robin said they let the star shine.
Tommy said Amy Poehler was great on the show. He said he wasn't crazy about her but he loves her now. Howard said she really was good. Howard played the Special Needs Dracula promo after that.
Howard said Sal is working on neither of those shows. He said they don't want to stress him out. Tommy asked if he saw Bradley Cooper doing his Elephant Man impression on a show. Howard said he's going to do a play as Elephant Man. Howard said he thinks of that play as a comedy. He said there are scenes that you just have to laugh at. Tommy said it was amazing seeing Brad doing that impression. He said he thinks Howard will love it. Howard said he would like to play that part. He said that he thinks he'd be great at it. Howard said he doesn't even need any makeup. Howard said he can do it without that too. Howard said Elephant Man would have made a great Wack Packer. Howard said he could have made him Elephant Man in the 25th Century. He did his Elephant Man voice and made up a scene where he was jerking off.
Tommy asked if the woman he was talking about with the hair extensions was Robin Givens. Howard said it was no one famous. He let Tommy go and played him out with a theme song. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said he was watching that documentary series on HBO (Sonic Highways) and Rick Nielsen was performing with the Foo Fighters. He said it was really good. He said he was playing guitar in the studio with the band and it was so good. Howard said this song is the song Gary sings to him.
Howard said they went out and asked people on the street about voting. He played some audio of the guys interviewing some people asking if they voted for Obama yesterday. Howard said this was yesterday and people have no idea that they weren't voting for Obama. Howard said people are nuts.
Howard said JD found a clip of Bradley Cooper doing the voice for Elephant Man. Howard said he though he wasn't doing a voice. Howard played the clip from CBS Sunday Morning. Howard said he wants to hear what he's doing. Howard said he thinks he does it better. Robin said Bradley was doing the accent. Howard said he's not going to do an accent. Howard said he would dress up as Elephant Man. He said he doesn't expect people to pretend he's Elephant Man. Howard said people love Bradley as Elephant Man. Howard said he thinks that he's coming in to promote it.
Howard said he'll go see him do it. Howard said he comes on this show so he'll support him. Howard said that he'll go see Sting's play too if he comes in to promote that play he's doing.
Howard said the reason people are going to see Bradley Cooper is because he's good looking. Howard said he is the Twilight Zone version of Elephant Man. Robin said she loves when good looking people want to play ugly people. Howard said he wants to play a good looking person. He said he wants to play Bradley Cooper.
Howard said he has Tan Mom audio when she tried out for The View. Howard said he may not have finished playing that. Howard had more audio of Tan Mom talking about Ebola. She was telling people to stop being scared and it's not going to be everywhere. She said everyone needs to calm down.
Howard had a clip of Tan Mom talking about Harry Potter. She was cursing in that clip so Howard said she doesn't get that you can't curse. Howard said they sent it over to The View and they got no response. Howard said he has a clip of her talking about Obama too. Howard played that and Tan Mom was talking about him but not really making a point. Robin asked if she ever makes a point. Howard said she doesn't.
Robin asked if she voted yesterday. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard asked if the voter turnout was good. Robin said she hasn't seen any details. Robin said they say that republicans generally do better in a low voter turn out. Robin said she had a person say that he wasn't going to vote because it wasn't a presidential election.
Howard said he tuned into FOX News and they were cumming on each other over how well the republicans were doing. Howard played a clip the guys made up about that. Howard had some audio of an Obama impersonator talking about his new ''operation fuck it.'' He said he's going to start smoking and start banging women among other things. Howard said that was his big speech. Robin said he's pissed.
Howard had Jeff on the phone and asked how he did getting back home. Jeff said he was home by 12:30. He said it takes about 2 and a half hours to get there. Howard asked if he drove right back. Jeff said he did. Robin said you'd think he'd stick around and enjoy the city.
Howard said Jeff just isn't the same guy he used to be. Howard said the years of drinking have taken their toll on him. Jeff said it's the years of Howard abusing him. Howard said he's another guy who blames him.
Jeff said he wanted to talk about his Twitter account and he had 204 notifications when he got to the green room. Howard said that's great. He played the ''boring'' clip about Jeff.
Jeff asked why he didn't pose for a picture with him. Howard said he didn't want to get close to him. He said Jeff didn't ask either. Howard said he doesn't want to stand next to a guy who sounds like this... He played the clip of him coughing and making gurgling noises.
Howard said that being a nurse is a depressing and hard job. Jeff agreed. Howard said Jeff doesn't even have a job. Howard said there are people willing to do that job and they take care of the ill. He said he appreciates what they do.
Howard said Jeff didn't ask about the picture yesterday. Robin said he actually did. Howard said he just didn't want to take a picture with Jeff. He said he really has to go. He hung up on Jeff and played him out with a theme song about him being a bore.
Howard said that everyone wants to take a picture. He said everyone has the cell phone with the camera. Howard said it's very important to get that picture. He said it's unreal. Howard said he has too much to do. He said he's saying that with peace and love but no more pictures. He played Ringo's message of peace and love asking people not to send fan mail to any address. He said he was going to stop signing stuff for fans in that clip. Howard said he hopes that Ringo's life has gotten better. Robin said maybe it's more manageable without the signing now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal thinks that Howard has so much control over his life. Howard said he really is consumed with him. The caller also asked if Howard has any regrets in life. Howard said of course he does. He said everyone does even if they say they don't. Howard said he has plenty of regrets. Howard said hiring Gary is one. Howard said he's just saying that to bust his balls. Robin said Howard has made some pretty big mistakes.
The caller said Fred is the best. Howard said he loves everyone who works there. He said he can't spend all day babysitting though. Howard said he loves Gary. He said he wouldn't have him working there if he didn't like him. He said Gary needs love. He said he wasn't loved as a child. He said he loves him.
The caller said Tan Mom is so stupid. He said she really doesn't know anything. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Howard said he has Martin Short coming in. He said he can't wait to talk to him.
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Howard came back and asked who is ruining that song. He figured it was Gary. Howard took a call from Matt the new Wack Pack guy. Howard asked if he got his hand job. Matt said he didn't. He said she did let him feel up her titties and she licked his balls. Matt said he asked her to do that. Howard asked if he came. Matt said he masturbated and came. Howard said there you go. He said they helped him with his wife. Matt said he hadn't done that in a long time. He thanked Howard for that. Howard said he thinks that he'd rather give him a hand job than lick his balls. Howard said that seems like a lot of work.
Robin asked if there is something wrong with her hands. Matt said she doesn't have the strength to keep going long enough. Howard asked if she's really sick. Matt said she has muscle wasting from her disorder. Matt said he wanted to straddle her while she was laying down but she had to direct him how to do it the right way. He said she sat on the edge of the bed.
Howard said he heard that Matt can stick the tip of his dick in his own ass. Howard said he must be pretty big. Matt said he found that out from trying. Matt said he can't get anywhere with that. He said he only got the head in there. Howard said that's impressive. He asked if he's erect when he does that. Matt said it's half and half. Howard asked if he gets hard from it. Matt said he hasn't tried it recently. He said it's been a long time. Howard asked how big he is. Matt said he's almost 8 inches. He said he's like 7 3/4. Howard said he has like 6 so it must be that extra inch and 3/4.
Howard said Matt really has a lot to deal with. Howard said the wife can't give him a hand job but she did lick his balls last night. Howard said she couldn't blow him either. Matt said she didn't blow him. He said she just licked his balls. Matt said he just took a shower 3 days ago.
Matt said his wife told him that she'll give him head next time. Howard asked if he masturbated while she licked his balls. Matt said that he did and that's his favorite thing to do. Matt said she doesn't care about the hair there either. He said she just does it.
Howard asked if she licks his taint. Matt said she doesn't do that. Howard said he's trying to figure out how he did what he did. Howard said he would have had his asshole over her chin or something. Matt said she got him to do it the right way.
Howard asked Matt if he does anything for her. Matt said that he wanted to rub her. Howard asked him to ask her if she ever masturbates. She said yes. Howard said she should let him do it. Matt asked her why. She told Matt she'd let him do it. Howard said he should do it then.
Matt let out a belch and said he threw up in the back of his throat. Howard said he gets the dry heaves thinking about giving head to a sick woman. Howard said he's getting them right now.
Howard asked if the wife ever fantasizes about other men. Matt asked and she said no but when she has dreams she dreams about having sex with Matt. Howard said she dreams about having sex with him but she doesn't have sex with him. Howard said he has to go. He let Matt go and congratulated him on getting his balls licked. Howard told him to call back when he gets head. Howard said that was some sexy story.
Howard had a bit they put together with Yoko singing children's songs. Howard also played a clip from Leiberman Live last night when Wendy the Slow Adult was scooping cat crap instead of staying on the line to talk to Jon. Howard played another clip of Jon asking Wendy about low voter turn out and Wendy was away from the phone again. Wendy eventually responded with some nonsense answer. Howard said Leiberman Live is a fun show that's on at 4:45pm every day.
Howard said he has songs about Robin that have been coming in. Howard said the other day Robin mentioned that she has a doody can and that led to a TV show parody about that. Howard played the clip and it was a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous kind of show where they talk about Robin cleaning her ass with disposable cloths. Howard also played a new song parody called ''Robin's Tight Vagina'' by Zach Mercier.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said that he's sick of Mariann and Bobo on the show. He said they add nothing to the show. Howard said neither does Larry. Larry said the biggest fan of the show is Jimmy Kimmel. He said he was at a Halloween party that Jimmy's cousin had. Howard said Jimmy is a great friend of his. He said he works harder than anyone else. He said he gets 10 free minutes for himself and then Melrose shows up. Howard said cousin Sal may have been playing a joke on Jimmy.
Larry said Jimmy has a 3 month old and he dressed up his daughter like Eric the Actor and called her Jane the Actor. Howard said he saw that and it's the funniest thing he ever saw. Howard said Melrose must have really been there if he saw that. Howard said he would like to put that picture up on their web site. Howard said he has to go so he can get to Martin Short. They went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Gary the Retard with some audio clips of Billy Mays and also a Riley Martin song parody.
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Howard came back and said that Martin Short is there and he's promoting his book ''I Must Say: My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend'' which is out today.
Howard said he has waited a long time to get martin in there. Howard said he saw him on Letterman the other day. Howard asked if he feels that Dave gets annoyed with him. Martin said he thinks that's what Dave plays. He said he thinks that Dave is really kind to him and he's just playing that part. He said he shows a great deal of affection toward him. Howard asked if he ever gets together with him socially. Martin said he has, twice. Howard said he's jealous of his relationship with Steve Martin. Howard said that his wit is intimidating. Howard said he's so smart and funny he wonders what he's doing in the same room.
Martin said he did Three Amigos with Steve and Chevy and that was his first movie. He said he does an impersonation of himself relaxed when he's hanging out. Howard said the original cast of that movie was supposed to be Belushi, Aykroyd and Steve. Howard asked if that screws his head up when they go to him. Martin said it didn't.
Howard said that Martin was on Saturday Night Live and he thought he wasn't doing well on the show. Howard said Lorne wasn't involved in it at the time. Howard said that he though Martin had a great set of characters on the show. Martin said everyone was really nice to him there. He said he wasn't a victim. Martin said he had a one year contract and he had 21 shows to do. He said they were getting paid more money at the time too. Howard said they had lost the luster of the diamond so to speak. Howard said they took Martin and Billy and they seemed to thrive. Howard said Martin describes how he hated the writer's meetings and it wasn't the way he worked usually. Martin said it was constant ''be funny'' there. Martin said by Sunday night they were out of ideas. He said they had to fake it.
Howard asked if it was all on him to come up with his own sketches. Martin said he wrote a lot with Harry Shearer. He said he wrote with Chris Guest and Billy and others too. He said they couldn't figure out what he was doing. Howard said that's the problem. He said sometimes they just don't know what to do with you. Martin said that is a problem. He said if he was just a writer on the show he'd probably still be there.
Howard said he thinks that the angst come from pitching ideas for sketches. Martin said that Billy walked in one day and asked what he was writing. Martin said he just had ''Open on...'' at 4 in the morning. He said he had to have something finished by 7am to be typed up for the run through.
Howard said that Martin did SCTV and it was one of the most brilliant shows of all time. Howard said it used to be that if you did SCTV they wouldn't have you on SNL. Howard said that he was shocked that he was on SNL. Martin said he was very hesitant to do SNL. He said Dick Ebersol asked him to do it. He said they told him about Chris Guest and Harry Shearer and Billy Crystal. He said he told Dick to call him back when they got them. Martin said they got them and he got the call. Martin said he was a surprise last person to be introduced for the new cast. Martin said he didn't know Chris very well but he did know Harry.
Howard asked Martin about leaving the show and if he regrets that. Martin said it was always a one year contract. He said he had a 9 month old baby at the time. He said by the time the year ended he was figuring out how to do it.
Howard said that the parties at SNL were even more fun than the show. Martin said it's a weird job. He said the last hour and a half on Friday is looking at the clock. He said at Saturday Night Live it's the only thing that counts.
Martin said he went to get a tape at SCTV and they told him to not look at it. Howard said when he was on SNL doing Ed Grimley would it be funnier in rehearsal and then it wouldn't be as funny on the show. Martin said that you have to know you can only have one opening night and one moment where you're going to go for it. He said you subconsciously hold something back. Martin said he hated the cue cards and he'd look at something and come up with something else. Martin said he didn't want to do that thing with the cue cards. Howard said that if you commit to them then you stare at them. He said they don't look at each other.
Martin said the last time he hosted SNL he wanted to cut lines and they told him to just look at the cards. Howard asked if he had to look at them when he hosted. Martin said he did. He said they really stick to them.
Howard said that Martin likes to ad lib and they get upset with that. Martin said he did some improv in Three Amigos and the movie studio wanted to cut it. He said they felt it looked too improvised. He said of course it was.
Howard asked Martin about SCTV. Howard said when he was on that show he was friends with all of these guys like Eugene Levy and guys like that. Robin asked Martin what he went to college for. Martin said he wanted to be a doctor. Howard said he didn't want to deal with the whole thing. Martin said he wanted to help people but he didn't want to do the whole thing. He said he changed to social work instead. Howard said Martin was unaware of this talent he had for comedy. Martin said he did a lot of shows in his attic. He said he'd do interviews up there and he had a lot of tape recorders going.
Howard said he liked the song he did on Letterman about plastic surgery. Howard said he thought that he was going to do it on Dave's desk. Martin said they rehearsed it and Dave changed it up. He told him to just do it there. Martin said he loves Dave. Howard said he does too. He said he loves doing his show. Howard said that could have been his last appearance. Martin said he thinks he'll go back unless he's not invited.
Howard said that Martin grew up in Canada, and he's sorry to hear that. Howard said he's just kidding. Howard said he had a normal childhood. He said his parents weren't mean to him or anything like that. Howard said Martin met Eugene Levy in college. Howard said they didn't know what to do with him on SNL. Martin said that show business is all about latching on to a hit. He said his biggest film was Innerspace. He said that he got work from that even though it didn't do that great.
Howard said to get a movie made in Hollywood is tough these days. He said that they want to make sure they put money on a sure thing. Martin said people ask him for his wisdom about that. He said that he realized that you have to treat it like a business. He said that's the logic of it.
Howard said that Martin was asked to be on SCTV in the first season and he said no. Martin said that it was Second City stage that asked him. He said he thinks he was scared at the time. He said he was used to being the funny guy at the party but he didn't think he could do that. Martin said that the idea of Second City isn't coming up with a joke. He said it's your reaction. He said he wanted to do other things at the time too. He said he wanted to be an actor. Howard said Second City got really popular and he wondered what he was doing. Martin said it wasn't the perfect choice doing what he did. Howard said Martin did stand up once and that was it. Martin said he wrote an act over the weekend and he wanted to be the thinking man's Dick Cavet. He said that didn't work.
Howard asked where he did the act. Martin said he did some weird stuff that just didn't work with the crowd. Martin said that he didn't go back after that one night.
Howard asked what it is that makes people go back. Martin said it's like an art form. He said he looks at Chris Rock and Louis C.K. and they're geniuses to him.
Martin told Howard about doing the character Franck in the movie Father of the Bride. Howard said that was the greatest character ever. Howard said he loves some of the other characters he did like the Agent he played on that one movie. Howard said that he remembers that ''sodie and quantro'' in that one scene. Martin said Chris Guest and Michael McKean wrote that and most of that stuff was written for him.
Howard said that Martin has a TV show now and it's called ''Mulaney.'' Howard asked if he looks back on his life and thinks that it sucks. He asked if it's a sad thing for him. Martin said it's not at all. He said he was overly anxious on Saturday Night Live when he started out. He said he actually loves his career. He said you can't control anything except when you're in the moment. He said that he can do a bunch of takes in a movie and then he can walk away and think they'll screw it up in the edit bay. He said he goes home knowing he gave it all he's got. Howard said he doesn't like that either. He said that he needs that control.
Howard asked Martin to go back to the early days. Howard said he wanted to be an actor and comedian. Howard said he met Eugene Levy and he got into Second City and all of that. Then the big break was SCTV. Howard said that was the greatest show. Howard asked if it had high ratings. Martin said he doesn't think it did. He said critics loved it. He said that they were nominated for every writing category one year. He said then they got canceled and they went to Cinemax. Howard said that had to be a blow to him. Martin said it was. He said they wanted to keep everyone together. He said they had John Candy, Joe Flahrety and Andrea Martin among others. He said that Andrea is family now. He said that he knew Catherine Ohara since he was 17 too. Howard said that Andrea kind of disappeared. Martin said she has been on Broadway constantly. He said she won a Tony last year. Howard said that Dave and Rick Moranis were huge back then too.
Howard said that Martin got Three Amigos after that. Howard asked if that was the first time he worked with Steve Martin. Martin said it was. Howard asked if he works well with everyone right away. Martin said he's better if he's loose. He said if someone is rude to him then he can snap. Howard said he can imagine him turning his wit into sarcasm. Martin said he can.
Howard asked about working with Chevy and if he was a problem. Martin said he was great. He said Chevy is hilarious. He said they worked well together. Martin said they went to a show together once and Switfy Lazar was there and he'd put his sunglasses on the back of his head that was bald without touching him so it looked like he was looking backward.
Howard said he has to go to get a colonoscopy and he heard this bit that Martin did about that. Howard said it was very funny. Howard said Martin has a group that's great. He said that it's Martin, Tom Hanks, Paul Shaffer and others. Martin said he has known Paul since 1972. Howard said he met him on the play Godspell. Martin said Paul came in to play piano and the director asked him to take over as musical director. Howard said he's had some career too.
Howard said he read that Martin had a relationship with Gilda Radner. Howard said he had no idea. Howard said he slept over at her place even when he was married. Martin said he stayed with her for a week and slept over. He said they didn't have sex but he slept in the same bed like one and a half nights.
Howard said he interviewed Gilda Radner once on WNBC and he thinks he scared her. Howard said he thinks that he was insane back then and he scared her off. Robin said that they were really enthusiastic to meet her. Robin said that may have been too much for her.
Howard said he had Bill Murray in there. He dated her too. Howard said that Martin says that she was a great love of his. Martin said they went out for like 2 years but they'd break up for a month at a time. Martin said she was 4 years older than he was. He said every guy wanted to go out with her and every woman wanted to be her friend. He said she had that quality. He said he didn't understand how if you had all of these gifts that you can't be happy. Martin said that she wasn't happy. Martin said his mother struggled to be happy too and he lost her. He said that he didn't get why Gilda wasn't happy.
Howard asked who broke up with who. Martin said they would break up and get back together. Martin said they had broken up and he met his wife Nancy and she was insanely hot. Martin said that he told her he was looking for a new place and she asked him to play tennis with her. Martin said she owned an antique store and she had this really long hair. He said she was so out of his league. Martin said she likes clown boys so that's how he got her.
Howard said as he got more and more famous he must have had women throwing themselves at him. Martin said of course. He said that he was married to this very good looking woman and he had a problem thinking about letting her have sex with other men and he figured he couldn't do that whole thing with other women. Howard said Gilda became jealous of Nancy. He said she got so jealous that she told other actors to cut her off. Martin said that was when they were still dating and he went out with Nancy. He said that they were apart for a few days. Howard said it must be exciting to have women fighting over him. Martin said it didn't happen much but it is pretty great. Martin said that Nancy and Gilda eventually became friends.
Howard said Martin lost his wife. He said that he's sorry about that. Howard said that Kathie Lee didn't know about that. Howard said he heard that tape and it's so embarrassing. Martin said he has known Kathie for a long time. He said that he had filled in for Regis a bunch of times. Martin said he has this feeling that people don't like to talk about it when someone dies. He said he had just gone to a graduation the weekend before and people would tell him he did a great job raising his boy. Martin said that he wasn't quite hearing a tense when Kathie Lee brought her up. He said he didn't want to say something on live TV. He said he didn't want to embarrass her. Martin said they ended the segment and he went up to her and she was mortified. Martin said he didn't think anything of it after that. Then his phone was just buzzing and buzzing. He said Paul Shaffer called and asked if he hit his head and saw something.
Howard asked if Martin is on Twitter. Martin said he's not. He said he feels like he'd have pressure on him. Howard said he hates it. Martin said he doesn't want to talk about how amazing his cheeseburger is. He said Steve Martin is a real comedy wrier so he can do that. Howard said if he's going to write funny stuff he's going to do it on his show. Howard said he doesn't do it a lot on Twitter. He said people are depressing when they respond to his stuff on Twitter too.
Howard asked Martin about his wife dying and if he was in such a depression that he can't do anything. He asked if he got angry. Martin said you have all of those emotions. He said he had been through that when he was young. He said he was the youngest in his family and within 6 years he lost his father, mother and a brother. He said his brother died in a car accident. Martin said this was in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada in 1970. He said he just rode around on his bike and figured it out on his own. He said he did that.
Howard said that he didn't have anyone to talk to. Martin said he has amazing older siblings. He said he was able to talk to them. Martin said from that you learn things that become your whole life. Martin said John Candy used to say he had balls of steel with the decisions he made. He said he had been through more stressful things in his life. Martin said he saw Stephen Colbert after he did a thing with President Bush and he wasn't responding to him. He said Stephen told him about losing his brother and how that was tougher on him.
Martin said that you just get through it. He said we're all going to die. He said people get upset about their car getting scratched and there's more to it than that. He said you just move past it. Martin said he has 3 children to take over for him. He said that the first thanksgiving was weird for him and the kids. He said he was trying to figure out how to do the table. Martin said he was trying to prove that everything would continue and the family wasn't done. He said they were going to continue on. Martin said he went a photograph of the table to Andrea Martin. He said she said that it was a good attempt but he had to get to the counter. Martin said that things aren't going to be the same though. Martin said he told the kids that they had broken their leg and they wanted to run a marathon but they had a cast on their leg. He said the cast wasn't going to be on forever though.
Martin said his wife had ovarian cancer and there are two groups of people who battle that. He said there's a group that writes letter to the people they want to talk to and the other group fights for it and tries to get through it. He said his wife was that one. Howard said he thinks he'd be that one too.
Howard asked Martin if he thinks he can be in another relationship. Martin said he thinks he can. He said that he started dating about a year ago. Howard said he's so comfortable now that he's dating Lindsay Lohan. Martin joked about that with Howard for a short time. Martin said that she's beautiful and when she smiles a hunk of make up falls off but she catches it like a Ninja.
Howard said that Martin's wife died of Ovarian cancer. Howard said that's kind of a death sentence. Martin said he's not sure of the percentage. He said you just hope that you're in that percentage that survives. Howard asked if he became religious after that. Martin said he believes in god. He said he's not for organized religion. Howard asked if he would try to contact her in the afterlife. martin said he wouldn't do that.
Howard asked if being famous is great because you get to hang with other famous people. Howard said Martin got to hang out with George Harrison. Martin said that when you're 15 and below you're like a sponge. He said you take it all in and then you meet those people. He said it's just different. He said he has known Mike Nichols and it blows his mind every time he meets him. Howard said that Martin smoked a joint with George. Martin said he did but he's not really a drug guy. Howard said he feels paranoid on pot. Martin said he doesn't do it regularly. He said someone was passing it and this was in 1991 or so. He said that George came in at this party they were at. He said they were having a dinner and then they were going to watch The Hunt for Red October. He said it was just such a great night. Martin said George sat right beside him. He said he took the hit off the joint that was passed to him after his wife did. Martin said he wasn't sure if he should pass the joint to George. He said he did it and George said ''Ah, the 60s...'' Howard said that
Howard asked Martin about Robin Williams' death. martin said he never would have thought he would be suicidal. He said he's not sure what was going on there in that sweet brain of his. Howard said it could have been the medication.
martin asked Howard if he knew Robin. Howard said he interviewed him years ago and it didn't go well. He said he said some things that he shouldn't have. Howard said he was talking to his wife about Robin one week and he was going to write him a letter asking him to come back to the show. Howard said he told his wife about it that morning and then later in the day she told him that he had died. Howard said he has regrets. Howard said he should have called the guy and said something. He said he's so sorry he didn't. Martin said he was a very deeply kind man. martin said he did Comic Relief and he really cared. Howard said he was falling into that category where you wonder how he could have killed himself. Martin said he wasn't aware of his illness. He said he just saw that sweet face filled with mirth.
Martin told Howard about doing a TV series in 1980 and Robin was doing Mork and Mindy. He said there was a strike going on and Robin asked if he could come with him to do Second City with him during the strike. He said he had no idea he would really come up. He said Robin flew up with no clothes and he didn't have cash. He said he had to rent a car and he got lost going to Second City in Toronto. He said it was at the height of Mork and Mindy. He said the audience went insane. He said he'd do a set and stay at his house. He said the first night he was there Robin fell off the stage. He said he stained his pants and he didn't have any others to wear. He said his wife washed and dried them and they shrunk when he put them on. He said Robin joked that he was going to go home and tell his wife that he didn't fuck anyone else and he's not sure why his pants are 4 inches shorter. Howard said that Robin seems like he was a super talent. Martin said he was.
Howard said that Martin does an impression of Jerry Lewis and he's got a sarcasm in it that cuts deep. He said that Martin says that it's an homage to him. Martin said the caricatures you do are like a Hershfeld drawing. He said that it's a caricature of the person. He said that you have to celebrate everything about them. Martin said the first piece he did was an opening with Jerry running around like a monkey. He said he wanted to make sure people would laugh but make it all about Jerry getting the laugh. Martin went into his Jerry impression for Howard.
Howard asked if he ever met Jerry. Martin said he did. He said that it was about 1991 or so and he couldn't have been nicer.
Howard said he got the loveliest letter from Jerry Lewis the other day. He said he didn't even mention that to Robin. Robin said he did mention that. Howard said he comes out with crazy stuff like saying that women aren't funny. Martin said he was there for that. He said that he thinks Jerry was just trying to be funny. He said they all picked up on that one comment. He said they made it all about that one comment even though he was joking about it.
Howard said Martin is there promoting this book ''I Must Say: My Life As a Humble Comedy Legend'' and that's a great accomplishment. Martin said that they did a lot of transcribing and they did it like an HBO special. Howard asked if he's going to follow it on the best Seller list. Martin said he would like people to see it. He said his career has never been about tremendous box office success. He said that he isn't too worried. He said if his son told him that he stinks that would upset him.
Howard said he read that he was a judge on Canada's Got Talent. Howard said he thinks it's fun. Martin said he had a blast doing it. Howard said he loves it. Martin said he loves variety shows and there isn't anything like that now. He said he likes that they have a forum for acts like that now.
Howard gave Martin a plug for his book and said that it's the number one book in comedy on Amazon. Martin said he didn't know that. Howard said he's not just making that up either.
Howard said he hopes that Martin and his family can get that cast off their leg for this Thanksgiving. He said he hopes that he can introduce Lindsay Lohan to his kids too.
Martin said that he'd like to say hello to their mutual friend Jimmy Kimmel too. He said he is the greatest guy in the world. Howard said he really is a great guy. Martin said they have been to each other's homes for dinner. Howard said Martin sat down at his table at Brad Grey's wedding and he was wonderfully vicious. Howard said he was something else there. Howard said that's the side of him that he wants to come out next. Howard said he wants him to go on the radio and rip people a new asshole. Martin said he lets Jiminiy Glick do that.
Howard asked Martin about Mulaney and how that's going. Martin said they are doing 13 episodes. He said that they haven't been renewed yet. Martin said that John Mulaney is very funny. He said he wrote the character Stefan on Saturday Night Live.
Martin said that Steve Martin is going to be interviewing him for a live show he's doing. He said that they actually do a show together. He said they call it ''Stupid Conversations.'' He told Howard about that and Howard thanked him for coming in. Howard said he's been a fan for many years and he's glad he came in. Howard went to break a short time later. They played some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Swap Shop show as they were going to break.
Howard had Robin get to her news after Fred played her in with a song parody about her butt. Fred said that was by Eli Braden. Howard said he's coming on strong with the hits. Howard said he was hoping that Robin would have a chemistry with Martin Short. Robin said she doesn't think that was happening. Howard said he did seem to linger with that hug. Robin said the magic will happen one of these days.
Robin said she remembers when Kathie Lee did that thing with Martin. Howard said that he didn't think it was that big of a deal. Robin said Kathie was acting like she was a good friend though. Howard said that's something else. Howard said that Thanksgiving story was sad. Robin said that's what happens when you lose someone. Robin said it's the first time you've done something without them.
Robin said that they asked Martin when he started dating and he waited about a year and a half. Howard said Martin isn't a douche like he is. Howard said he'd wait 3 days. Robin said Martin got it right. Howard said Robin was digging that answer. Robin said people can be very lonely. Robin said maybe they go through a lot of sadness and they might need that laughter and relief. Robin said it's good either way if she thinks about it.
Robin read a story about Lena Dunham and something that came out about her book. Robin said she talked about it there on the show. Robin said she talked about examining her sister's vagina when she was a little girl. Robin said people are accusing her of child molestation. Robin said Lena was only 7 years old and no one has a problem with what she did. Robin said it wasn't for sexual titillation. Robin said that's the difference between her and a child molester.
Robin said the Parent Television Council is blasting ABC for showing the Charlie Brown show and then going right into a promo for the show Scandal with a hot sex scene. Robin said it couldn't have been very long but the PTC is saying that they should apologize for doing that. Howard said he gets that. He said it can be kind of embarrassing to have to explain that to your kid. Robin said you can't control everything your kid sees. Howard said with that though they can control it. Robin said that's nonsense. Howard said that it's tough to explain weird stuff like that to a kid. Robin said any opportunity to talk to your kids is a good one. Howard said the TV guys can control when they put something on. Robin said they didn't with this instance. Robin said you don't scream and carry on about an apology. Robin said it does nothing.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus dating Patrick Schwarzenegger. Robin said that's Arnold's son. Robin said he looks like a model. Robin said this is the son he had with Maria, not the maid. Howard said that's some life that kid is going to have. Howard said he bets Arnold is like ''Way to go.''
Robin asked what Howard thinks about artificial intelligence. Howard said he wishes he had it. Howard said he actually loves Siri. He said that he thinks that some day you'll be able to just talk to your computer. He said he thinks in 50 years it'll be awesome. Robin said she tried Siri the other day and said ''Siri I want to set an alarm.'' Robin said she realized that's not the right way to do it but Siri responded and asked her what time. Howard said it's cool that things are starting to work now. He said he went to IBM years ago and they were programming speech recognition. He said Jeff Shick told him it was just around the corner and he thought that was so cool. Now it's happening. Robin said that kids in Japan are getting taught by artificial intelligence. Robin said that it's getting better and better as time goes on.
Robin read about how the Vatican is jumping in on the Brittany Maynard suicide and saying that it's absurd. Robin said they are upset about her taking her own life. Howard said that's ridiculous. Robin said she committed suicide on Saturday. Robin said Brittany said that she wasn't killing herself, cancer was killing her. Howard said the Pope is becoming more liberal in some areas and getting with the times. Howard said they aren't so anti-gay now. Robin said he isn't but the church still is. Robin said the Pope has said there is no discrepancy between the big bang theory and believing in god. Howard played a bit they did where they asked the Pope about a few things in the news. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who is upset that she doesn't know who her biological parents are after being left in a phone booth in 1965. Robin said the woman wants to know who her parents were so she is going to make an appeal on 20/20 this week to try to find out who her parents were. Robin asked if there could be any good answers to that question. Howard said no.
Robin read about how some parents are on the look out for meth in their kid's Halloween candy after a father found some in his daughter's bag. Fred played some Breaking Bad music as she read that story.
Robin read a story about Howard Stern and Simon Cowell being on the top of the Forbes list of best paid personalities. Robin said they are reported to be making $95 million. Howard said he wishes that was true but he's not even close to making that much. Howard said he is doing great but not that great. Robin said some people like just being on a list like that. Howard said he doesn't mind being on a list but he wonders if any of it is true. Howard said he's not sure how they come up with those numbers. Howard said they have his AGT salary wrong and they have no idea what he's making there at SiriusXM. Howard said he does believe he should be making that kind of money even if he's not. Robin said they claim that Glenn Beck is making 90 million. Howard said he's not sure how he does that. Robin said Oprah is on the list too. Howard said he gets that.
Robin read a story about Nicki Minaj taking a baseball bat to the windows of the car her boyfriend was driving. Robin said that she ended up bashing up the car but she owned it. She wasn't arrested since it was her car.
Robin read a story about the Thanksgiving day parade and how KISS, Sting and Idina Menzel will be there. Robin said they'll have those huge balloons there too. Howard said he can't imagine standing out there for that. Robin said she can't either. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the mother who threw her 6 year old over a bridge. Robin said she had more details on that. Robin said that the child was autistic and the woman is being held on $1 million bail.
Robin said that Jon Stewart did a live The Daily Show last night to deal with the election coverage. Robin had some audio from last night's coverage.
Robin said Clay Aiken came in second again in the election too. Robin said that she was keeping an eye on that.
Robin read that Governor Cuomo won and he'll have a second term. Robin had some audio of him talking about the win. Robin went over some of the other winners and losers in the election. Howard did a live commercial read after that. Robin read a few more things about the election when Howard was done with that.
Robin read a story about Angelina Jolie talking about humanitarian issues. Howard said she just needs her kids to vote for her and she could be president. Howard said he thinks that negotiations would be easier if guys could jerk off to her. Howard said that she must be sick of adopting foreign kids. Robin said she hasn't done that in a while. Howard said he hopes she doesn't start wearing pant suits. Howard said he can't jerk off to that.
Robin read about A-Rod making a deal with the government about revealing details about drug use in major league baseball. Robin said he may be turning some people in.
Robin read about the trial for Ray Rice that's coming up today. Robin had some details of that story.
Robin read a story about Adrian Peterson avoiding prison by pleading no contest in his case. Robin said he's just getting probation for that.
Robin read about the organization that kidnaps girls in Nigeria. Robin said they have introduced some law practice in a town and they have been killing people over western education. Robin said they've killed thousands over that.
Robin read about how Maya Angelou is on a new album that came out this week. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said he thinks that's a duet with Yoko.
Robin said Dionne Warwick is doing some hits with some friends too. Robin had a clip of one of her new songs.
Robin read as story about how global warming might be bringing an end to skiing in Utah. Howard said he wants it to be warm. He doesn't care about skiing. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the problems in Utah.
Robin read a story about Jennifer Lopez's new book and said that she sat down with Arriana Huffington to talk about a health scare she had in the early 2000s. Robin had audio of J-Lo talking about her getting burned out and her body shutting down. Howard said they can call her J-Lo the bore. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:00am.
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Gary said he's been there for 30 years and he thinks that sometimes Howard doesn't want him to come in as much and maybe that's just him. Jon said that with the timing of the show you don't know sometimes. He said you don't want to throw off the flow. Gary said they have to have non verbal communication. He said sometime Howard will put his hand up and tell him to hold on. He said sometimes he'll look at him and not go to him but then he'll go to him. Jon said sometimes he wants to end the whole thing before you get to it.
Gary said Howard gives the ''not fucking now'' hand too. He said he's gotten it and so has Sal and maybe Richard. Jon said he thinks everyone has gotten that. Gary said that it makes you feel like a tool when you do get it.
Jon said Richard is joining them now. He asked how his pal is doing. Richard said he calmed Sal down. He said he's his meditation. He said he hugs him and calms him down a lot. Richard said that he tells him everything will be okay.
Jon played a clip of Sal trying to say ''Transcendental meditation'' and getting it wrong a few times. Gary said he knows people think they pick on Sal but Sal did sit in a class for it. He said that he got his mantra and all of that. Jon said they do pick on Sal but Howard has talked about this for years. He said that he calls it TM a lot but you should know it. He said he had a lot of opportunities to get it right. Jon said he loved hearing that ''Shake'' song after that too. He said Sal is just trying to do his job well but once you throw that blame on Howard he wonders why.
Jon asked Richard if the tremors have been worse lately. Richard said he doesn't think so. Jon said he thinks that Howard doesn't like being blamed for Sal's medical condition. Richard said he's not blaming Howard. He said it's just that he loves his job and he doesn't want to screw up. Gary said Sal did blame Howard yesterday. Richard said that it's hurtful if Howard doesn't like something you do. Jon said of course it does. Jon said maybe the electronic cigarettes Sal smokes are causing his essential tremors. Jon said it could be so many things. Richard said he's smoked those fake cigarettes with the skull and crossbones on it. Jon said he loves Sal and thinks that he's the funniest guy they work with.
Jon said that Howard voted and he was frustrated with the process. Gary asked if Jon gets excited when it all goes through and everyone he voted for won. Gary said that makes him feel good. Jon said he looked at the results and some didn't win so he was kind of bummed. Jon said he gets frustrated when you get to a category and someone is running unopposed. He said they have both party endorsements.
Gary said he loves when there's a republican running and then there is some party running and you have no idea what they do. They talked about the weird votes when there's no one running but one person and things like that.
Gary told some stories about local politicians who were running commercials and how crazy they were. Jon said they can be ridiculous. Jon said the whole thing is confusing. He said that he misses the booth. He said he likes to go in and keep it secret. Jon said he knows the guy next to him was looking at who he voted for. He said the guy who helped him put his votes through was looking too. Jon said his daughters loved when he would bring them to vote. Gary said he used to go with his mom and he loved going too.
Jon said that Howard and Robin talked about the conversations they had when Robin was sick. Jon said it shed some light on what they did and Robin talked about how Howard kept her laughing. She wanted to forget what she was going through and laugh about it. Gary said that if Howard showed up to his hospital room he'd figure he was dying. He said he'd know he's in trouble if Howard showed up.
Richard asked Gray if he'd let Benjy visit him. Gary said of course he would. Jon played a clip of Howard and Robin talking about dying and how Robin is okay not being around if she has to hobble around with a cane.
Jon said he found that fascinating. He said she's saying she's alright not going on if she can't function the way she wants. Jon said that she must be in the minority. Gary said he remembers talking to Robin about that and how she didn't want to live a certain way. He said he understands that. He said Martin Short brought that up today too. He said some people act like they want to beat this or they just give up. He said he thinks that Robin wanted to beat it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary just compared Howard to the angel of death. Gary said he thinks maybe he did. The caller asked if Sal is the most reprimanded staffer. He said he's had a lot of that over the years. Gary said he thinks of it like he's the most reprimanded on the show. Gary said Sal has gotten a lot more in the short time he's been there. He said that it's like he could beat his record if he was there long enough. Richard said that Scott Salem would be right behind him.
Jon said he thinks since they got there Sal has gotten it the most. Gary said he would say so. Richard said when he screws up it's hilarious. He said Howard is able to turn it into really funny radio.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks Sal was correct about his pronunciation of the drug he takes. She said that she wanted to call in defense of Sal. Gary asked if there are side effects for that drug. She said there might be some but it depends. She said that it depends on if they are diabetic or have high cholesterol and are taking other drugs. She said that he might get a headache or something like that but they're relatively low. She said that Sal is right and good for him if it helps with his shaking. Jon thanked her for clearing that up.
Jon asked the caller if depersonalization-derealization could be part of that. The caller said that the drug will slow the blood pressure down. She said he'll be less nervous and less shaky. The caller said that with any medication there are possible side effects but with blood pressure medication there are less in general. Jon thanked her again for calling in with the information. They went to break after that.
Jon said he's an SCTV nut and he loved the show. He said that a few people knew about SCTV. He said they were so brilliant on that show. Gary said he used to watch the show as a kid and he's not sure how it aired there. Richard said it aired in Canada first and then aired there.
Jon said they talked about Gilda Radner too. He said they forget about Andrea Martin. Gary said he loved her on that show. Gary said she's funny in just about anything she does. Jon said that he loved some of the news segments they did on that show. He said everything on that show was so great.
Jon took a call from a guy in Ontario who said Andrea Martin was great and she did some really great characters on SCTV. He said that he loved the movie Three Amigos too.
Gary said Martin has that role in The Big Picture and that scene is so great that they've dissected it so many times. He said it's very short but it's such a great moment. He said it steals the movie.
Jon said he didn't realize that Three Amigos was Martin's first movie. He said he really holds his own in that. He said he loves that burning bush scene in the movie because it's so stupid. Richard said he watches that movie every Cinco de Mayo. Gary said they used to talk about that scene Martin did where he mentioned the Quantro and Sodie. He said that they talked about it so much that the company sent them some Quantro and he keeps it just to think about that scene.
Jon said that the sketch Martin did with Harry Shearer on SNL where they did the synchronized swimming is brilliant. He said that's worth checking out.
Jon said any time someone talks about Gilda Radner they talk about how everyone was in love with her. Gary said Bill Murray said the same thing about her that Martin did. Everyone loved her and wanted to be with her. He said that it's not just about how she looks. He said she wasn't hot but she was cute, funny and vulnerable. Jon said that it was the vulnerability that was interesting. He said that martin did talk about the relationship he had with her. Jon said Martin seems like the kind of guy you love to see in a movie even if he's not the lead.
Jon said they also talked about the Kathie Lee interview and that has to be tough. Gary said Martin could have often so upset about it but he really didn't.
Gary said the part that really hooked him in was the part where he talked about losing his wife and how the family was dealing with it. Gary said he got really upset in his office and he wasn't going to say nothing. Then he went into the studio and Benjy said that got him and some other people said it too. Gary said that he's got such a healthy attitude for all of that. Gary said he thought the analogy about their leg being broken was great. He said it's a super healthy attitude.
Jon said that Martin waited a year and a half to date. He said the way he dealt with that death is something. He said there are people like JD who can't even talk about death. He said that Robin has dealt with the possibility of it. Jon said Richard loves the death on screen but in real life it has to be hard to deal with it. Richard said that he is freaked out by the word Oblivion. He said it scares the hell out of him that they just cease to exist. Gary said he would rather have that than just go and keep floating and floating until you die.
Gary said he doesn't obsess on death but he does think about it more now. He said he's got maybe 25 years left and that's not a lot. Jon said you don't dwell on it. He said he'd rather talk about what's happening now. Gary said he has an obsession with numbers and he thinks about how his son was born at the same age his dad was when he was born. Gary said he can relate all of that to his dad's age and it can make you crazy.
Richard said that there's nothing they can do to help from dying but they are talking about putting people's brains in a memory card. He said he hopes he's around for that. Richard said he would love to be put into another body. Richard said he thinks that everyone would like to go on.
Gary said that they ask if he had an arm like Jeff the Drunk if he'd cut if off. Gary said 10 years ago he would have said yes. Now they can make it work. He said some day Jeff may have use of that arm again. They went to break after talking about that.
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Jon took a call from Ralph Cirella who said he saw that photo too and it's hilarious. Gary said he put so much work into it. Ralph said he thought it would be funny but not A+ movie quality. Ralph said he loved the move Captain Ron that Martin Short was in. Gary said he's not familiar with that. Ralph told Gary what it was about and Gary said he doesn't think he's ever seen that. Jon said it's moronic but in a great way.
Ralph said he loved the interview and it wasn't even the funny stuff. He said he loves his attitude toward life. Gary said that you always have the best stories when you have funny friends. Ralph said he had some great stories he told too and it was all so real and interesting.
Gary said he was thinking about the time they had Ringo on the show and Vinnie Favale was there peppering him with questions. Gary said that they asked Ringo if it gets to be too much sometimes and Ringo's head slumped and he said ''yes it does.''
Jon asked Ralph about what he thinks about Robin and her lack of regrets in life. Ralph said Robin loves life and she faced death. He said he thinks that's pretty honest and he thinks she's pretty in touch. He said she doesn't seem to have any regrets. Jon said Howard didn't believe she had any. Gary said that she may have had some before but maybe not now.
Richard said he has one big one. He said in 1997 they almost went into a bar but his friend's girlfriend didn't go in. He said the next day he saw that Brad Pitt was in that bar they didn't go into. He said that's his biggest regret. He said it still haunts him to this day. He said he could have seen him there.
Jon asked Ralph if he has any regrets. Ralph said he went to see Interstellar the other night and he didn't get Christopher Nolan to sign his ticket. He said the movie is the best one he's done yet. Jon let Ralph go after that.
Jon said he has regrets and he's sure Gary does too. Gary said of course he does. He said that he has some. He said he's not sure what he has. He said he probably should have learned to type. Richard said it's never too late. Gary said he has the typing program on his desk actually. He said Mavis Beacon stares at him every day.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if it's illegal to have your kids voting. Jon said it is and that's why he just took their input and he voted. The caller said they should just have their kids vote for them in the future. Jon said if they do the voting from home some day they may have a lot more people voting.
Jon said they have Mike Hambrick there with his news headlines. Mike said Big Foot has an interesting take on voting. He said he thinks if less people vote then they won't elect anyone and it'll all be over. Mike ran down a few headlines for today's news. They got in plugs for Leiberman Live and Sternthology too. Jon gave the guys their plugs and they ended the show around 10:55am.
Gary said they replayed the JD segment where JD talked about wanting to be a script doctor. Gary said once you tell anyone your dreams there they get exploited. JD said it was just an idea he had. He said he didn't know Jackie had said that years ago. He said he would have kept his mouth shut if he had known that. JD said he's not sure he can write a full script so he thought maybe if he could do something like that it would help. He said it was just an idea he had.
Gary said that's what JD just blurted out. JD said it was just a thought in his head. JD said he wants to be a director and stuff. He said he's just thinking of different avenues he could take.
Gary said he was reading an article about script doctors in the Hollywood Reporter and it's not an easy job to get. He said there aren't a lot of them and they all know how to write a full script. JD said he was just trying to be honest and say something he didn't say before. He said he didn't expect anyone to come knocking down his door.
Gary asked Sal what he thinks of JD wanting to be a script doctor. Sal said he thinks it's great. He said they do have to figure out what they can do after Howard's show. He said if JD loves it he will be great at it. Sal said JD is a great writer. He said he is a bit of a mush mouth, quoting Howard, but if you read his tweets and the stuff he writes it's really bright stuff.
Gary said they have a show there and he could write something for the show. Gary asked if he has written anything. JD said he did a while back. He said he's not the fastest writer or anything. Gary said he can get a short bit and write something.
Sal said he's writing something that's a comedy. He said it's someone who wants to destroy Comic-Con and he does something that gets in the tabloids. He told Gary about that story and what his plans are. Gary said he likes that idea. Jon Hein showed up and said he heard about that and has helped Sal out with the story. He said that he took the story up a notch and he thinks it's got potential.
Sal told JD that the term they were talking about is a true term. He said there was a ghost writer at this party he was at, with Larry Caputo, and he asked if there are people who punch up a script. He said this woman told him there are and they are called script doctors. Gary asked why Sal had to let them know that Larry Caputo was there. Sal said he is proud of him and he loves him.
Jon asked JD why he can't write his own thing instead of doing that. He said it sounds like the easy way out. JD said he wishes he was more of a writer but he's not. He said he thinks he's better at working on an idea that's sort of started and going from there. Jon said he gets that. Gary said he'd like to come and put the last two strokes on Picasso's painting. JD said he's just saying how he feels.
Jon said that you have to write the whole script and get that all done. He said it makes you a better writer. Jon said you can't put the icing on the cake. He said you have to bake the cake.
Sal said he gets where Jon is coming from. Sal said he had all of these ideas in his head and when you start writing then it all comes out creatively. He said that will help JD out. Sal said they may not want to hire JD if he doesn't have experience.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD if he has written anything. JD said he did write something right out of high school. Jon said he's much more experienced now and it would make sense to go through more of that. Gary said he could take script writing classes. He said that would help him get the basics down. JD said he knows the format but he thinks he has to get past that and then just write it out and format it later. JD said he knows sort of the basics.
Sal said there are some great books on screen writing. JD said he has some that Jason got for him a few years ago. Jon said you just have to sit down and write. JD said he knows and he deals with his job the most and then he doesn't really feel like doing anything when he's not working.
Gary said that there was a guy who wrote NYPD Blue and the guy wrote it laying on the floor and dictated to someone who took his notes. He said that's a rare way to write though. They went to break after that.
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Gary said he thinks that JD has the talent but it's his motivation that they question. JD said he doesn't try hard enough. He said he knows that. JD said he can make all the excuses but he doesn't try hard enough. Jon said the whole audience knows what he wants to do and he got to do the ''It's Always Sunny'' thing. Gary said that came about because those guys listen to the show and they wanted to give JD a chance.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD was talking about cutting a part out of a Tarantino movie and he thinks that it's a key scene in the movie. JD said that he can do what he wants with his movie.
Gary asked JD what movie he thinks is overrated. JD said Gone with the Wind is one. Gary said that's also 70 years old. Jon said he has a few movies that he gave JD to watch that he didn't like. He said he didn't like The Sting. JD said he liked that. Jon asked about Raising Arizona. JD said he liked that too. He said he prefers Fargo over that. Gary asked if he loved Blood Simple. JD said he liked it but didn't love it.
Sal said that he thought Forrest Gump was just okay. He asked JD what he doesn't like that everyone seems to love. JD said he can't think of any.
Jon said JD sticks to his guns. He liked Mannequin and he liked Look Who's Talking 2. JD said the first one is better than the second. Jon said he gave it 5 stars on Netflix. JD said that he skewed that rating to get different suggestions. JD said he wanted to see what people like that suggest. Jon asked what that has to do with it. JD said if he gives it 3 stars he might not. JD said he regrets that Netflix started that friend sharing thing. Jon said everyone has a movie like that. JD said he likes Look Who's Talking. He said he thinks it's funny. JD said he figured he'd get suggestions back if people saw what he liked.
Gary asked if he liked the movie Curly Sue. JD said that's like a 3 star. JD said his Netflix rating isn't the same as he sees it in real life. Jon asked if he will give a movie a higher rating if he hates the movie but wants to know about a certain actor. JD said he might.
Jon said that JD gives Look Who's Talking 5 stars and The Sting 3 stars. JD said that The Sting is more classic. Jon said this is going to hurt his script doctoring job. Sal asked what he would give to Mannequin. JD said that's a 3 star movie.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves Sal and he wants to defend JD. He said he can't let these people knock him down. He said someone has to do the punching up of scripts and not let anyone knock him down. Gary made a baseball analogy with a pitcher and how he can't just start out in little league and get in there a as relief pitcher. He said he has to learn before he can go in and do it.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Jeff when he was in. Jon asked what can get Jeff going again. Jon said he doesn't make the most of it when he comes in. JD said he thinks that he has to lose weight or get more active. He said he doesn't think he's doing much of either. He said he's not sure what he has to do. Sal said maybe he needs a woman. Gary said he's getting up there in age so he may not be able to find someone.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think the passing of Eric the Actor has something to do with Jeff's attitude. Gary said it may have given Jeff something to do. He said maybe he doesn't have an agenda now. Sal said maybe he's seeing it as the passing of a family member. He said that time is going by quickly and he might be depressed that he hasn't accomplished that much.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Jeff is just living up to the name they gave him. He said they call him a bore and he's boring. Jon said whatever they call him he's not in the best of shape. He said they hope he gets better. Jon said maybe this appearance will help him out.
Gary said Eric the Actor passing away was sort of expected but not really. He said when other people start going it's going to be a bummer. Gary said Jeff has been Jeff the Drunk for 20 years and then he's just not going to be there some day. They went to break a short time later.
Sal said he thinks that Robin could wet the toilet paper and wipe her ass. Gary said that's pretty hard to do. Sal said you just give it a pat like a sponge.
Gary asked what happened at Sal's house with the wipes. Sal said it cost him about $700 to get the pipes cleared. He said that they say they're flushable but they're not. Jon said they are but maybe once every few days. Sal said that he wasn't the one using them. He said the guy was snaking the pipes and he was fighting with this thing. He said his wife was flushing tampons down the toilet. He said that cost him another $700.
Gary said that he always saw signs in high school about not flushing them. Sal said his wife thought they were disgusting so she just flushed them.
Jon said Robin reveals everything on the air. He asked JD if he has a weird bathroom habit. JD said he doesn't and even if he did he wouldn't get into it. Sal asked if they ever use a Q-Tip. The guys wondered what he was talking about. Sal said that he uses that Aveeno cream on everything. He said sometimes he'll take a dump and he can't get in deep so he uses a Q-Tip and uses the Aveeno cream to clean it out. Sal said he uses wet toilet paper and toilet paper. He said then he uses the Q-Tip because he has hemorrhoids that get in the way.
Jon said this is one of those great examples of Sal thinking they all use a Q-Tip. Gary said he would never stick that in his butt. Sal said ''Just the tip...'' Sal said that's all it takes. Sal said you go to down with the cream on the tip.
Gary asked Sal if it ever feels a little good down there. Sal said it feels good but for all the wrong reasons. He said it's like you feel a cleanliness back there that's wonderful. Jon asked Sal if he has left the Q-Tip in there to just see how it feels to walk around. Sal said he would never do that. He said he wipes them up in toilet paper and throws them in the garbage. Sal said when you flip the Q-Tip over you have to make sure you don't touch the other side. Gary told him to just use another one instead of flipping it. Sal said you just go in nice and easy and clean the remnants out.
Jon asked Sal to go through the process again. Sal said you go with toilet paper, wet toilet paper and then go in with the Q-Tip. He said you make sure everything is clean back there before using the Q-Tip. He said you put the cream on the tip of the Q-Tip and then twirl it around in your asshole. He said you yank it out and look at it to make sure it's clean. Then you can go back in a few times if you need to. He said you do it until you're clean. Jon asked what he does with the Q-Tips when he's done. Sal said you wrap them up and throw them in the garbage. Jon said he has a shit pail like Robin does. Sal said they're not that big though so it's not like what Robin has.
Sal also said he uses the Aveeno cream on the tip of his penis. He said it keeps the smell down. Sal said you do a sniff test at the end of the day and then you see if you're alright. Sal said he also uses the cream on his sphincter.
Gary asked Sal how much of this cream he has. Sal said he gets a tube of it. He said he uses it on a lot of places on his body. Sal said it's like his WD-40 and he uses it for everything. Gary asked what it's for. Sal said it's a moisturizing cream. He said it has some kind of Colloidal Oatmeal in it. Sal said if you have an itchy ass you can try it in there with the Q-Tip.
Jon had Brett Larson give his Howard 100 News headlines. Brett ran down a few of those and then Jon had the guys get in their plugs. Jon ended the show around 11:10am.
Gary said they are all in awe of Howard and he's the one running the show. He said Howard can say ''What do you want'' in a way that makes you feel like you don't belong in there. Jon said that you have to think about what Howard is going to think when you go in there. He said you wonder if you're being in the way of what he's trying to say.
Gary said there are times when he'll have an emotional thought and he'll almost walk in and then he'll walk away. He said he won't go in every time.
Jon said he knows Benjy would like to be part of that too. Benjy said for the first time ever, last week, he will start to say something and Howard won't turn his microphone up. He said for the first time ever he was about to pipe up with something and they looked at each other and Howard shook his head no. He said that was upsetting to him.
Jon said he knows what that's like. He said that Howard says he's too busy at times and he really is. He said it's not like he's just saying that. He said you have to be prepared for that. Benjy said he knows. He said it was just weird to get that head shake. He said he's not sure what it was that he didn't want him to bring up or whatever but he did. He said he still wanted to be a part of that conversation though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about the look and if Howard gave him the look that he's just tired of this. Gary said he might be misinterpreting the look wrong. He said sometimes he'll wait around and Howard will wave him in. He said this week it might have just been his sensitivity. Jon said that's what Howard said it could be too. He said that can lead to him getting goofed on for something else.
The caller said he is blind and he wonders how things work when Gary gets on his studio intercom and says something. He asked if he can see Howard. Gary said Howard can't see them at all with that. He said he has to wait until a break to say something.
Benjy asked the caller about being blind. The caller said he has been blind his whole life. He said he has such a problem calling the show. He said when he dials the 888-9-ASSHOLE number it's too many numbers. He said he has such a problem with that. He said he has a cheap Cricket phone that he uses. Jon said he thinks it's 888-927-7463. Jon said in terms of getting through there are a lot of people who call in. He said if you don't get through you should just keep trying. He said if you have something interesting to talk about Howard will put you through. Jon thanked him for calling in on this show.
Jon said one thing he wanted to talk about is how they go to Gary asking to point something out to Howard. He said Gary decides if it's worthy of them going into the studio. He said they go in and then wait for Howard to acknowledge them. He said if Gary sends them in then Howard thinks it's worth going to. He said Gary is pretty good at that.
Gary said if everyone just walked in there it would be too much. He said if he didn't filter people then Sal would be in there every minute.
Gary said the person who has been most respectful about it is Ronnie. He said that he'll stick his head in and ask if he can go in. He said he won't give him a sad look or anything if he says no. Jon asked who is the least respectful. Gary said Richard used to try to talk him into it but he's much better about it now.
Jon said Gary has a way of saying no without saying no. Gary said sometimes he'll just say ''let's wait'' and he's not bullshitting about that. He said he won't send someone in without thinking about it. He said he learned from Stuttering John to send someone in who has something they think is interesting when it's really not. He said that's what happens with Sal a lot.
Gary said John used to do that with Tom Chiusano. He said John would tell Tom it was so interesting that he should go right in and he'd go in.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he never thought that Bobo was that dumb until he started listening to him closely. He said that he's been talking about the alligators and the other stuff with his toupee and things. He said he sounds like a dumb and uninformed guy. He said he thinks that's what people are talking about. The caller said Bobo was talking about how it was in the 40s down there and it was in the 70s that day. Jon said they have to remember that Bobo just moved there for the first time and he's not used to the weather yet.
Benjy said he went to Florida last year and he got scared thinking about the alligators. He said that he was wondering what the chances are. He said there are people who get eaten once in a while. They spent a minute talking about that and then went to break.
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Gary said he didn't hear what Matt's affliction is. Benjy said he doesn't think he has one. He said he thinks he's all about taking care of his wife. Gary asked what's wrong with her. Benjy said it sounds like she has some degenerative muscle disease. Jon said Matt has the voice and the mentality and the love for the show. He wondered if that's enough. Gary asked if he works. Jon and Benjy weren't sure. Gary said that is part of it. Jon said that is a factor.
Gary said he's not sure what's not to like about Matt. Jon said he has a caller who has a problem with him. He picked up and it was Bobo. Bobo said that he doesn't like Matt because he babbles incoherently. He said that he was on Leiberman Live the other day and he had to tell Matt to shut up. He said he's not prepared and he's screwing up the Bobo thought process.
Jon asked what the Bobo thought process is. Bobo said he has to research what the subject is on the show. He said he has to pick out key points so he can get into the conversation.
Benjy asked Bobo if there is any jealousy or fear there that he'll diminish his role. Bobo said no and he said he just doesn't find him interesting. Benjy asked if he thinks he's going to take away from who he is. Gary said that people who babble are Crackhead Bob, Beetlejuice, Big Foot and others. Bobo said he knows that. Jon said that it doesn't matter if he's babbling. Bobo said it does when he's doing the Leiberman show. He said that Jon is trying to do his thing and this guy Matt is talking to his wife and things like that. He said he doesn't contribute anything.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that he's jealous. Gary said he does and he thinks Bobo may not realize it. Jon asked if that's what it is. Bobo said the boss wants what the boss wants. He said he thinks the process they all have to undergo is usually a longer process. He said this guy seemed to get in overnight. Gary said a lot of guys got in that way. Hank, Beetlejuice, Crackhead Bob and others all got in right away. Jon asked about Fred the Elephant Boy. Gary said he was in right away too.
Benjy said that sometimes he thinks that some of this is contrived and he wonders if Matt is being real. Gary said he thinks he is. Gary said that his wife wondered who the guy who smoked crystal meth was. Gary said the guy never said he did that. He said that's why he thinks that he's for real.
Bobo brought up the caller who said he's stupid. He said he knows the temperatures are going to drop down there. He said that it was cold down there that day. He said it is cold but it's not all day. He said there are also dangerous animals down there. He said you can die down there. He said there are black panthers and other dangerous things down there.
Jon asked if he regrets moving down there. Bobo said he and his wife are on the fence about it. Jon said he has friends who moved down and came back within a year. Jon said he's heard that a lot. He said that's not uncommon to just come back. Bobo said you can't meet friends down there either. He said people keep to themselves. He said there are a ton of people there but you can't get a friendship going. Bobo said that's kind of bumming him out.
Gary said his parents lived down there and if you don't love the beach then there's no reason to be down there. He said it's a very generic place to live. He said the other thing is that there's a lot of lack of laws down there. He said there's a lot of stories about fraud that come out of Florida.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't understand Bobo. He said if he doesn't get what Matt adds to the show then he doesn't get it. Bobo said he isn't saying he doesn't understand it but he thinks that they need more time to introduce him into the Wack Pack. He said he just got in too fast. Bobo said that goes back to what the boss wants though.
Jon asked how much time he needs. Bobo said maybe a month or two. He said that they have to see how much he calls in. He said they need to see if he is going to add something to the show.
Jon asked Bobo if he evolved over time. Bobo said he thinks he did. He said he started out with the hospital incident. Gary said that didn't even get on the air.
Benjy asked Bobo if he ever thinks he's too normal to be a Wack Packer. Bobo said he doesn't know about that. Jon said he was going to let him go after that.
Jon said he thinks that Bobo will be back to New York in 6 months. Gary said it depends on how the wife is feeling. Gary said it is tough to make friends down there though. He said that's what his mom said too. Jon said they have a lot of communities down there and it's funny how you don't make friends because that's what they tell you when you move into a community.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Matt is hysterical. He said Bobo is okay but this guy Matt is hysterical. They lost that guy's connection after he brought that up. Jon said that as long as you generate a passionate response then you're probably in the Wack Pack.
Gary said he wanted to talk to Mariann who is on the line too. Jon took her call and Mariann said that her stomach still shakes when she calls. She said she is jealous of Matt. She said she didn't get on this week at all. She said that she took a long time to get into the Wack Pack too. Mariann said that Howard has to tell Matt what to say to his wife and that irks her. She said that she's jealous of that anyway.
Jon said that what Mariann said is that Matt is taking up time. He said he thinks that's why Bobo is upset. He said when it comes to the Wack Pack they want the time to themselves. He said that's what Matt is taking away from them.
Mariann said she hasn't been in the studio to sit on the new couch yet. Gary said she thinks she should be in the studio when Howard makes her announcement about AGT. Mariann said she just wants to go nuts in the studio when he makes that announcement. Mariann said that she really isn't into Matt at all right now. She said that she loves so many other people on the show. She said she's on the fence about Matt and she is jealous.
Gary said that they brought Big Foot in when they got there and no one seemed upset about that. Gary said he doesn't call in though so maybe that's part of it. Benjy said he also doesn't say that he wants to be a Wack Packer. Jon said that's true. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said one movie he did where he played an 11 year old kid in the whole movie was great. Steve Brandano said that's called Clifford. Benjy said that's Elisa's favorite movie. Gary said he can see Benjy playing that part. Jon said anything Martin does is fantastic.
Jon said Martin talked about his time with SCTV, his time on Saturday Night Live and being with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase in Three Amigos. He said he's never the star but when you hear he's in the movie you know he's going to put his unique take on it.
Jon said the story Martin told about Thanksgiving was hard hitting. Gary said he got him with that. Gary said he went in and talked to his shrink about death recently and that whole analogy about the breaking of the leg was great. He said someone said it was so simplistic but that's what he loved about it.
Benjy said he started crying during that discussion. He said it was so sad that he was talking about how the family was so changed. Benjy said Martin started to say how he feels like at a certain point he and his wife because one. He said that might be helping him deal with that too. Jon said he sensed that too. Jon said he thinks he's right there.
Gary said he also thought that Martin came across as a good guy. He said the thing that hit him hard as a parent was that people were coming up to him saying he did a good job raising his son. He said that his wife had something to do with that too and he knows what that would be like with his wife.
Jon said that Kathie Lee made that big mistake with Martin and he could have handled that a number of ways. He said he took the high road with that. Gary said that Robin was more mad about it than Martin Short was. Benjy said she was being really sweet about it and it's easy to make a mistake like that. Jon said people are going to notice it though. Benjy said people were trying to persecute her over it. He said that's what it was about.
Jon said the way Martin Short handled that whole thing was what you have to respect. Gary said she probably got bad information in the prep. He said maybe that's not her fault. Gary said that they give you a packet with information and if it's wrong then she's the one who looks like a fool. Gary said he's not sure she could have done anything to change it. Gary said Martin could have made it 100 times worse by talking about it or giving her shit on the spot. Benjy asked why anyone would do that. Gary said people do that. He said he just handled it well.
Sal said he doesn't want to screw up on the show and that causes him anxiety. He said Howard plays a part in that because he's the boss and he's doing things for him. He said it's not Howard that's the reason for it but doing his job efficiently for him is the reason. Gary said it sounds like the sound of back peddling there. Sal said it's not. He said it's not Howard directly dealing with him. Jon said it's like a garbage truck backing up now. Sal asked what the fuck he wants him to say.
Jon said he wanted to follow up with Sal about the TM thing. Sal said it just didn't work for him. He said he gave it 2 weeks and he wasn't into it. He said it was a piece of cake but it didn't work for him. Jon asked if that's because he can't pronounce it correctly. Sal said that's not it. Gary asked if he can pronounce it now. Sal said he thinks he got it. He said it correctly this time. Sal said that he's just not into it. He said it felt very cultish to him but he knows it's not a cult. He said whatever helps you is fine. He said that didn't work for him. He said he's done other things in his life that help. Jon said that's fair. He said if you don't believe a therapist is going to help you then don't go to one. Sal said the TM thing just isn't for him. Benjy said you don't have to believe in it. He said just do it and it will help. Benjy said he's into it in another way but it's working for him.
Sal said that stuff is expensive too. Benjy said Sal wasn't paying for it. Sal said not in the beginning. Sal said that he didn't want to shell out money for anything that he wasn't into. Benjy said he just had to donated what he felt was fair. Sal said it wasn't working for him and he didn't want to keep going with it.
Jon asked Sal what he does now to get that therapy like stuff. Sal said that medication he takes is helping and he's been doing a lot of reading too. Jon asked what he's reading. Sal said ''Books.'' Jon asked what books. Sal said he likes ''The War of Art'' and the Art of Happiness and some of Teresa Caputo's books too. He said they're very enlightening.
Jon asked Sal what he watches on TV. Sal said his wife watches TV while he reads. He said he gets hypnosis too and that helps him too. He said that's a form of meditation too. Sal said he is doing things to try and relieve stress. He said he thinks it's working. Jon said Sal sounds pretty grounded. Gary just said ''Okay...''
Sal asked if Gary practices TM. Gary said he did for a long time. He said he hasn't in about a year but he wants to get back into it now. Gary said it did help him.
Jon asked Mike Hambrick to give their Howard 100 News headlines. Mike ran through a few stories they had coming up today. Jon gave the guys some plugs and ended the show around 10:55am.