|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show trying to sing a song that he didn't remember the lyrics to. Howard said he listened to it all weekend long. It was Mystikal's ''Bouncin' Back'' that he was talking about. Fred played the song and Howard said he loves that song. He said he was checking out some of his other stuff but this one he really likes. He said he can never sound as tough as this guy.
Howard said he has to start the show saying he watched the movie ''St. Vincent'' and it's great. He said Bill Murray is really great in it. Robin said it is very good. She said that there are some great movies out right now. She said that Gone Girl is great too. She said that Brad Pitt is a movie star. She said he's great in ''Fury.''
Howard said in the end credits of St. Vincent it's just Bill walking around watering the plants with a hose. He said even that was funny. He said the movie is great. He said the whole cast was great. He said even the little kid was good. Howard said he can see why Bill said he was looking forward to working with him again.
Howard said Wolfie was at a Phish concert and he never got to the interviews he did. Howard said that they have a jam band channel there at Sirius and they're a mainstay there. Howard said that the Allman brothers were a jam band and they had some hits. Howard said Phish has a big business like the Grateful Dead. Howard said the parking lot is full of people partying and they're running around with big helium tanks so the cops are chasing them around. Howard said they have the tanks loaded with nitrous oxide and that's what they sell. He said it's a whole lot of work to sell that stuff and make money. He said he thinks the cps should just let them do it.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking a Phish fan in the parking lot about how he was feeling. The guy came up with the word ''fine'' when he was asked how he was feeling. The guy said he was in a state that made him feel really calm.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to a guy about taking a hit of nitrous. He was laughing and taking the hit out of a balloon. Howard said to see the guys running with a full nitrous tank must be fun to watch. Howard played another clip of a Phish fan talking to Wolfie about who shows up to a Phish concert and what happened to him when he inhales that nitrous. The guy made a sound like it was Pac Man in his head when he inhales that stuff. Howard said that's like taking a hit off a Redi-Whip can. Howard said he has done a helium hit but that doesn't get you high.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to a group of people who were sitting around and playing drums and other instruments. Howard said he can't tell if the guy is playing the bell or not. Howard said he can see Robin getting into something like that. Robin said she couldn't be in that parking lot to save her life. Howard said Robin went to Peru to do Ayahuasca with a Shamen. Howard said here they're called drug dealers. Down there they're called Shamen. Robin said it's just a tea.
Howard played more of Wolfie's interviews with the Phish fans. One guy said he had tried Ayahuasca. Howard said Robin would like that guy. Robin said she would never take the Jersey Shamen. Howard said he likes that she'll only take the ones overseas. Howard said he's so busy working that he doesn't have time to do this stuff. Robin said Howard took acid from a Jersey whacko. Howard said it was the dumbest thing he ever did. Howard said he knows a Shamen who lives in the bathrooms at Madison Square Garden.
Howard played a clip of a guy doing Whip-its at the concert. Wolfie was asking that guy how it makes him feel. He said it makes him feel like his brain is walking on air. His voice was changing from the stuff he was inhaling.
Howard played a clip of a guy who likes shrooms. In that one the guy told Wolfie about his shroom experience. He said that it's like the music is a part of you.
Howard said this goes on the whole time. Howard asked where this show was. Gary said it was in Philly. Howard asked how many seats it was. Gary wasn't sure. Howard said the whole ritual before the show seems to be the thing. Robin said she's thinking about the productivity of the country listening to this. Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking a guy if he would recommend following Phish around. The guy said he would and he thinks it's great. He said there is no such thing as too much Phish.
Howard said it's kind of insulting to the band that the fans have to be out of their minds to enjoy them. Howard said this ain't The Beatles.
Howard said he wonders what the gross is for the band. He said that he'd like to know what kind of money they're raking in. Gary said he knows their business manager and he thinks they're doing very, very well. Howard told him to look it up. Howard said the venue they played in Philly can hold 25,000 and he'd like to know how they're doing.
Howard took a call from Casey Kasem who was giving them an update on where his body is. He was calling in from Alaska. Casey said he likes it up there because the cold slows down the decomposition.
Robin read that over the past few years they say Phish made over $120 million. Gary said they say that they grossed like $1.2 million over a weekend. Gary said they can make half a million in one night at other places. Howard said those guys are smart. He said they don't break up. Howard said they go on stage and jam and then leave. Gary said they did break up for a while but they got back together. Howard said Fred would love to go out and make that kind of money.
Howard said he guarantees the guys selling the nitrous hits are making twice that money. He said there's a whole economy going on with them. Gary said he's looking at the list of bands and what they make and they are right up there with Paul McCartney and bands like that.
Howard said he'd love to be in a jam band. He said there's not that much pressure there. Howard took another call from Casey Kasem who was in Chicago and he had been shot multiple times in the 5 minutes since he got there. Howard said it seems like he moved to Chicago very fast. He said maybe they should do it every half hour or so. Howard told the boys to pace it. He went to break after that.
Howard said JD cumming in his t-shirt is creating a lot of songs. Howard said that people are sending in more about him than they are about Robin. Howard played a bit someone created where they had the Chinese laundry calling in about his filthy shirts. The woman said he clogged up their machine with his jizz. Howard played a song from Eli Braden about JD's jizz shirts. Howard said that's so funny.
Howard said he got a link to some porn site and he went there and you have to wait 100 seconds to get on if you don't have a subscription. Howard said this site is called ''taboo hand jobs.'' He said this thing opens up with a girl, who is supposed to be a teen, and she's sitting in her bedroom and the boyfriend is breaking up with her. Howard said the girl is crying and the acting is actually better than average. Howard said the girl is hot too. Howard said this girl goes in to talk to her mom about the breakup. He said the mom is on the bed and she's a pretty good actress too. Howard said the mom tells the daughter that she can do other things than intercourse. She tells her about a hand job. The girl has no idea what it is. Howard said the mom tells her about a blow job and the girl says she doesn't know about those things. Howard said the mom tells her she has to teach her so she gets some cucumbers and things.
Howard said he's choking his beef during all of this. Howard said it's the story that gets him. He said he's kind of like a girl in that way. Howard said the mom takes the girl to her step dad and demonstrates on his penis. Howard said the mom says that it's not really her dad so it should be fine. Howard said he's there and buying into this. Howard said you never see the guy's face. He said you just see his cock. Howard said the camera acts like his face.
Howard said the mom tells the daughter about having lotion with her all the time or she can spit on it to get it wet. Howard said that the daughter is acting all shy with the mom. Howard said the guy isn't hard yet either. Howard said the mom explains it all to the girl. Howard said he wasn't finishing himself off. He said he was holding back from finishing. Howard said he was just giving it a tug here and there. Howard said he thought by this age he'd be done with this.
Howard explained more about the scene and how the mom is showing the daughter how to show her tits. Howard said that's as far as he got. He said he was in his bathroom beating off and went upstairs to finish. He said he had it wait 200 seconds to finish watching the video. He said he gave up on it after that.
Howard said he did watch one other video on that taboo hand jobs web site. Howard said it was the same mom but this time the step son comes into the room and the dad's urn is in the room. Howard said the son's gift to her is a negligee with the ass cut out of it.
JD came in and asked if he wanted him to pull some clips. Howard told him to get some but if he's done with the conversation he won't get back to it. JD just wanted to know if he had the right video. Howard confirmed it.
Howard said he was watching this other video and he had to beat off to that too. Howard said he got through the whole video with that one. Howard said the woman talks a lot during that one. He said the son doesn't seem to care. Howard said it's pretty good.
Robin asked when this is happening. Howard said this was in the morning. Howard said it's shameful, right? Robin said he's terrible.
Howard said he came off bad in the email. Howard read some of the mail they got about Benjy and people think that he's narcissistic and he doesn't behave properly. Howard said he won't commit to her in marriage. Howard said he is a narcissist himself and he worries about his own happiness first. Howard said that's what this woman is saying. Howard said she says that they'll eventually break up after pushing each other away. Howard said every guy who has gotten divorced is called a narcissist.
Howard said he has endless Benjy stuff. He read more email and someone said that maybe Perez broke Benjy and Elisa up.
Howard said someone wrote in about JD and how he never takes his glasses off during sex because he has to be able to see the computer screen.
Howard said High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy are coming in to talk about their feud. Howard said that Eric is upset with Elephant Boy for taking his spot on Leiberman Live. He said they'll have a rank out contest with the two of them.
Howard asked if Rich was done. Rich said he wanted to get back to Meghan McCain. He asked if Howard heard what she was saying about Chris Christie. He told Howard what she said and how Howard fell for it. Howard said he didn't fall for it. Howard said he knows Chris as a politician and he thinks that some people really care and he thinks Christie cares. Howard said he thinks he would have been on top of the Ebola thing quickly. He said we knew about this stuff a year ago. He said that Bloomberg was great because he loves the job. Howard said that some guys love politics more than they love the job. Howard said he thinks Christie would be a good president. Howard said he's not attacking the president ether. Howard said he thinks that governors make better presidents than senators do. Howard said that's what he thinks. He said that he had the opposite experience with Chris than Meghan did. Howard said he found him to be warm. He said that's just what happened with him. Rich kept going with his questions and Howard said he just doesn't know. Howard said he thinks that he is a good governor and a good guy. Howard said that none of this matters anyway. He said he's not a political show. Howard said no one cares. Howard let Rich go.
Howard said that this next thing is pretty good. He said one of their fans pranked a TV show. Howard played the clip and this guy called in and got in a Howard Stern's balls and Baba Booey references. Howard said you have to love that.
Howard said Afroman came out with a new song. Howard said he had a song called ''Because I Got High'' and now the guy has a new one out. Howard said he got fat though. Howard said the guy has a second song and it's more positive about pot. Howard said it's to the same tune but it's more positive. Howard played the song and it was just like the old song but with new lyrics.
Howard said he plans on releasing 25 more versions of the song. Howard said he loves it. He said it's the same song and he loves it. Robin said she's not sure what to say about that. Howard said it's smart to keep releasing the same song. Howard said he could have another hit.
Howard said he was about to pick up on King of All Blacks but he hung up. Howard said that was weird. Howard took a call from someone else instead. The caller asked if they could do a Fred segment. Howard had to find the Fred jingle. Howard said they haven't done one in a long time. Howard found the ''Fred'' jingle and asked Fred if he has anything to say. Fred said he thinks the caller just wanted to hear the jingle.
The caller asked Fred if he likes Stevie Ray Vaughn music. Howard said he's not going there. Howard asked Fred what he did this weekend. Fred said he took his daughter to a dance class. Howard got out of the Fred thing and played him out with his jingle. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Bore and told him they have a boring sound effect if he gets to be boring. Howard played the clip for Jeff. Jeff said the acting in that clip sucks. He said it reminds him of Eric the Actor acting. Jeff told him not to play that clip. Howard played the boring clip anyway.
Howard said Jeff just likes getting on the air. Howard played a theme song about Jeff's new name of Jeff the Bore. That was Little Mickey's song. Howard played the ''boring'' clip as well.
Howard said that the wack pack seems to call them a lot and they leave boring messages for them. Howard said that he's not sure that this guy Matt wants to be in the Wack Pack but he likes to talk. Howard played a message he left for them where he talked about how he doesn't like speaking in a monotone but he can't help it. Robin said that's not a monotone. She said he has some speech impediment though. Howard said that this message is like 20 minutes long. Howard played more of his message and Matt goes on and on about this stuff.
Howard said he's not sure what to call Matt. He said maybe Monotone Matt. Howard had him on the phone and asked if he looks odd. Matt said he wasn't sure they were even listening to those calls. Howard asked if he looks peculiar. Matt said he thinks he called in about 60 times over the weekend. Howard said he's not sure if he's a Wack Packer or not. Howard said maybe if he looks funny. Howard said he's not sure they need another boring wack packer. He said they have one already.
Howard asked Mariann from Brooklyn if she thinks he is. Mariann said that she can't tell. She said she needs to hear more. Matt was telling her some story about his cousin and she said she didn't care. Mariann said that Beth was in the paper over the weekend about that one eyed cat she got adopted after posing for a picture in her bra.
Mariann asked if Howard has heard anything from Don Buchwald lately. Howard said he hasn't really. Howard said that he's not in any rush to make a decision on AGT. Mariann was talking about that and Matt was breathing heavy. Howard asked what Matt is doing. Howard asked Mariann to hold on a minute. Matt yelled something unintelligibly. He was mumbling and yelling things that didn't make sense. Howard hung up on Mariann so he could talk to Matt.
Matt said he was telling Mariann to shut up. He was fighting with his neighbor or something. He was out of breath. Howard said maybe he is Wack Pack. Matt said he's been jacked up with emotion lately. He said the only emotion he gets is anger. He said he probably woke his neighbors up with this. Howard said he's funnier when he's mad. Howard said he needs Mariann to make him funny. Howard said he really has to go. Matt said he was sorry for bugging him. He let out a grunt as he was saying goodbye. Howard said he's on the fence with him. He said sometimes he thinks he's Wack Pack and sometimes he's not. Howard said it's like he's got to be a made man but he's not made yet.
Howard said he has to be on government assistance if he's going to be in the Wack Pack. Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he thinks sometimes the guy is boring. Howard said you can't really ask the Wack Pack if they should have another one. Bobo said he doesn't want anyone else.
Bobo tried asking a question but Howard said he has to go. He said he knows he has it written down. Howard said Sal is not prepared for him to retire. That's what Bobo was asking about. Howard played him out with a theme song about his really bad toupee. Bobo said he hates that one. He told Fred not to play it anymore. Fred said that's the only one from now on then. He played it again and then once more when Howard said goodbye to him.
Howard took a call from Casey Kasem again. This time he was in the Florida keys and he was on a boat where they were using him as bait.
Howard played the clip and Billy asked Jay about the Joan Rivers ban. Jay said he didn't want to do it while Johnny was alive. Howard said Johnny didn't want Jay Leno on the show. Howard said this is such horse shit. Howard said Johnny hated Jay. Howard said he didn't have her on because Joan wasn't in fashion. Howard played more of the clip and Jay said that Johnny didn't want to see her on the show. Howard said that Johnny wasn't even watching or talking to Jay. Howard played another clip where jay said that they were friends and things just got awkward between them. Howard said that this is such bullshit. He said he wasn't friends with her. Howard said he didn't have her on because she wasn't happening. Howard said he didn't help out a friend when she was down either.
Howard said he would tell Jay to his face that he's just lying about this. Howard said if she was happening then he would have had her on. Howard said Johnny didn't have a lot of people on his show that Jay had on. Howard said that he can't stand Jay Leno.
Howard said when he got off the phone with Jay for the last time Jay asked if they were friends. Howard said he told him no. Howard said he's not his friend. Howard said Joan wasn't his friend either. Howard said Jay is so full of it with this story about Joan. Howard said out of respect for Johnny he wants to say that he hates Jay. Howard said Johnny hated Jay too. Howard said Johnny didn't want him to take over the Tonight Show. Howard said Johnny had no respect for Jay Leno.
Howard said Johnny didn't lift a finger to help Jay. Howard said the guy is a liar. He said that's not an honest answer that he gave Billy Bush. Howard said Billy should have called him out on that. Howard said Jay never even thanked Johnny for the Tonight Show. Howard said that was a big controversy when they started. Howard said Jay is starting up some new show where he's talking about cars or something. Robin said it's called Jay's Garage or something. Howard played a bit they created about Jay where he goes from door to door telling jokes.
Howard read the article about what went on and why Tony assaulted this guy. Tony claimed that he was being undermined by this guy Bill Scheft who is one of the writers on the show. Howard said Tony got frustrated and couldn't keep up. Howard said on Wednesday, October 8th the three were rehearsing back stage when all of this apparently happened.
Howard said he has to get a TV gig. He said he'd love to have cue cards for everything he says. Howard got back to the story and read about how Tony reacted to one of the writers comments. Letterman said something to Tony and that led to Tony and Bill fighting. It was Dave who upset Tony but Tony took it out on Bill. He said he stewed all night and he got into an altercation with the writer. Howard said it was Dave who Tony was in the altercation with the day before.
Howard read about what happened when Tony put his hands on Bill. Howard said he was immediately booted from the theater. Howard said then Rob Burnett had to tell him he was officially terminated. Howard said he'd love to hear what that conversation was like. Howard said they were saying they were going to pay him until his term ends. Howard said he shouldn't man handle other people at work. Howard said Mendez said Dave had nothing to do with it. Howard said it was Dave who called Tony ''sour'' though.
Howard said he loves that the writer dude didn't even know what was on this guy's mind. Howard said he's not sure how they'll ever find another guy to hold Dave's cards. Howard said Tony said that Dave was always a great boss and he has no problem with him. Howard said Dave doesn't want the headache of dealing with this guy. Howard said someone else had to handle the firing. Howard said he's probably in some union for cue card holders.
Gary told Howard about one part of the article where they say that his job isn't just the cue cards. They say he has to let Dave know when there are new jokes in the cards. Howard said he's devoted his life to holding cards and that's fine. He said that he should just stick to that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin if she loves giving head. Howard answered for her and said she does not. Robin said she might. Howard said he has a feeling that anyone who has to learn how to give a blow job from a video isn't very good at it. Robin said she has to learn how to handle them. Robin said she does enjoy being with a person she cares about and having their penis in her mouth. Howard asked if it is a turn on. Robin said it is. Robin said she likes it but not the balls so much. Howard said he doesn't know many women who do enjoy the balls. Howard said she hasn't had sex in a while. Robin said she hasn't. Howard asked if she misses it. Robin said she does. Robin said she wishes it were otherwise.
Howard said he has to hook Robin up with someone. He said maybe she wants to give a taboo hand job. Howard said he has to take a break and then playa a game. Howard said he has $500 cash to give away. He said he has a Richard Christy ''Would He Or Wouldn't He'' game. Howard said he'll play that after the break. They went to break and played some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a radio show.
Howard came back and sang along with the song. Howard said they should hire Letterman's cue card guy. He said he could read the show. Robin said she can't wait for that. Howard said he and Fred will write stuff that will make him break down. Howard said he knows he'd make the guy snap. Howard said he's looking at the cue card in the paper and he's trying to figure out what the system is. He said he's sure they're trying to figure that out on other late night shows.
Howard said that he was doing some drawing over the weekend. He said he did one of some trees. Howard said he can't show it to Robin. He said he might be too tired to go into his phone.
Howard asked Robin if she had to wake up to an alarm this morning. Robin said she did. Howard said he hates that. He said he likes his weekends but then that alarm goes off and he's like ''fuck me.'' Howard said he hates that alarm. He said it starts out low too. He said it's supposed to not alarm you but it still annoys him. He said it's the most horrible sound ever.
Howard said he did some paintings but he can only do one thing for the whole weekend. Howard said he doesn't just let it rip. He's very meticulous. Howard said he did an eyeball and trees. Robin asked why he chooses different things. Howard said he has many projects going on at once. Howard said the problem with art is that your stuff gets better as you get into it. Howard said he doesn't want anyone to see the old stuff. He said 3 weeks from now the stuff he did this weekend will suck.
Robin said that's one of the questions she wanted to ask Neil Young. She said most song writers think their first song sucked. Howard said he doesn't need any criticism. Howard said Robin wanted to hang something of his in her house. Howard said he's not giving anyone anything. Howard said they're like his kids.
Howard said Gary was talking to Eric and Eric doesn't even know what he weighs. Howard played more of the podcast where Eric talked about doing the treadmill, biking and free weights and then he works on his abs and his back. Eric said he's going to keep it up and if anyone fucks with them on the train they'll get smacked with a cane. Howard said that's because he walks around with a cane.
Howard played more of the audio and Joey asked Eric if he has problems on the train. Eric said he does. Joey said Eric will just go and sit down in a tiny space on the train. He said he won't even say ''excuse me'' or anything. Eric said he has a cane so they should let him sit. Howard said he's so funny.
Howard said Eric will be in there in a few minutes. He said he's heard that he's still eating a tremendous amount of food. Howard said doctors say that Eric is ''dull'' and he would hate that. Howard said that's like an 80 IQ. Robin said he seemed quite proud of it.
Howard said the caller, Chris, was going to play for $500. He had to get 3 out of 5. Howard played the clip and they asked Richard if he would cut his pinkie toe off for 10 grand. Howard said they are thinking about it and they must think that he might consider it. Benjy said he can see him thinking about it. He said he should say no to that but they are wondering. Chris said he's going to say Richard will say yes. Howard played Richard's answer and Richard said not for 10 grand. Howard asked Richard how much it would take for him to cut that thing off. Richard came in and said that maybe 100 grand. Richard said he's heard it's more important than you think. He said he loves running so he needs it. Howard asked if he would consult a doctor first. Richard said he would consult his foot doctor.
Howard played the next question they asked Richard. They asked him if he would give Big Foot a hand job for 10 grand. Chris said that there is no way he would do that. Howard said he thinks it'll be yes. Howard played the answer and Richard said that's vile. He said he draws the line at a horse.
Howard played the next question which was if he would let 10 homeless guys pee on him. Howard said he did say he would let himself be chlorformed and peed on. Chris said he was going to say no. Howard played the answer and Richard did say no.
Howard said Chris is on a roll. Howard said he's thinking like Richard. Howard played the next question which was ''Would you get a cock piercing with no anesthesia?'' Chris said no way to that too. Howard played his answer and Richard did say no again. Howard said he got 3 right. Robin said she thought he was going to say yes to everything. Howard said Chris won $500.
Howard played another question where they asked Richard if he would let a dominatrix stomp on his balls. Richard said no to that too. He was asked if he would lick cheese off Sal's cock. He did say yes to that one. Howard sounded grossed out by that one. Howard wondered what the fuck is with him.
Howard played another one where they asked if he would shave Jason's back and ass hair and eat it. Richard said yes to that as long as it was ass cheeks and not ass hole.
Howard played another one where they asked if he would shave a porn star's vagina. Richard said no to that. They asked if Richard would lick Nicole Bass' vagina. He said his wife might have a problem with that.
Howard played a couple more and Richard said he would wear a black dildo or butt plug in his ass. Howard said they have to get the 10 grand for that. He said he'd love to see that.
Howard said that Chris won the money and a set of Panasonic headphones. Chris asked if Artie would ever come in for an interview like maybe on the last show. Howard said the Artie topic is something people wonder about all the time. Howard said Artie is a friend and a pal but he's not sure this show is the best thing for him. He said he had a real scare in his life. Howard said he saw some of Artie's stand up special and he's terrific. He said that he's his biggest fan but he's not sure that will ever happen. Chris thanked him before Howard put him on hold.
Howard said he really doesn't get pissed off by that question. He said Chris said he didn't want to piss him off and he's really not pissed. He said he'd just rather not be vague. Howard said he has to take a break and then get High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy in there.
Howard took a call from Casey Kasem who was supposed to be calling in from a new location. Howard eventually got him. Casey was calling in from the Grand Canyon and they're paddling him around like a kayak. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he has Fred the Elephant Boy and High Pitch Eric in the studio. Howard asked what's up with the t-shirt Eric is wearing. Eric said he wanted to tell him toward the end why he's wearing it. He had one that says ''Who's High Pitch.'' Eric said he had a guy who came with him who runs the Hummus and Pita company who is trying to save his life. He said he's lost 26 pounds already. He said he joined a gym.
Gary said that the guy who is with him says that Eric called him the other night and he told him he lost 56 pounds. Howard told Eric to get on the scale. He wanted to see what he weighed today. Eric got on the scale and Fred said the scale just died. Gary said he was 352 pounds. He was 361 last time in was in there. Howard said he lost 9 pounds. Howard said he's still eating a ton of food from what he read.
Fred said something to him and Eric told him to keep his comments to himself. Howard said this makes no sense. Howard said Eric is on Leiberman Live and he's still on. He said that he was the street interviewer and Eric got upset when Jon made Fred the street interviewer. Eric said that's not what he's mad about. He said he bad mouthed him on an internet radio show for no reason. Fred said that the interviewer asked him which Wack Packer he didn't like. Fred said Eric has threatened him before. Howard said he can't threaten people. He said Eric is wrong about that. Eric said they did a special taping of Leiberman Live and they made up thanks to Mariann. He said that Fred went on another show and bashed him again after that. Howard asked what he said about that. Eric said he doesn't even know. Eric said that Fred bashed him about his mother's will on Twitter.
Fred said Eric makes Bobo look like a rocket scientist. Eric said he was stressed out over that stuff. Howard said he's probably mad at him because he threatened his life. Eric said he knows he can't do that but he gets stressed out.
Fred said he is not afraid of Eric. He said he could always run away from him. Eric said he could eat him and called him a piece of shit. Fred and Eric went at each other with some little jabs after that.
Howard said the doctor told Eric that he could lose his life if he doesn't lose weight. He said you have to see this list of food he eats. Howard read that he was starting out with 2 bagels and extra butter and cream cheese. Eric said that's delicious. He said now he's eating healthier. Howard said he should have lost 100 pounds based on that breakfast he just described.
Howard said he would have coffee and a 20 liter bottle of Coke. He said that his total breakfast was about 1900 calories. Then he'd have lunch and go to McDonald's and eat burgers, fries and a shake. Eric said now he has grilled chicken and spinach. Howard said he has to be eating something else. Eric said he swears on his mother's life that he's not. Howard asked what he has for a snack. Eric said it's sliced apples. Fred said they're dipped in butter.
Howard said for dinner he used to have 4 burgers from Burger King and 6 chili cheese burritos. Howard said he was eating a lot of other things like pepperoni pizza, a Super Big Gulp and things like that. Eric said that sounds so good.
Howard read more of the food that Eric would eat during the week. There was a ton of junk food on the list. Howard asked where he gets the money. Eric said he had food stamps. He said he had money too. Eric said he didn't mention the Chinese buffet either. Howard said he's right about that.
Eric and Fred went at each other with a few more one liners that they were being fed. Howard told them to hold off on the rank outs for a minute. Howard said Eric claims he goes to the gym 4 times a week. Howard said at his gym they have an all you can eat pizza night. Eric asked why they think he joined. Howard asked if he eats pizza there. Eric said he doesn't. Howard asked how he lonely lost 9 pounds. Eric said he is a member at Crunch Fitness now. He said he's not at that gym anymore. Eric said he lost 26 pounds. Robin asked where. She said they just weighed him. Gary said Eric came in and said that he lost 24 and now it's 26. Howard said he keeps changing his numbers. Howard said this scale in the studio is accurate. Howard said Eric's scale has to be broken. Eric said that all of this food talk is getting him dizzy.
Fred said something about the Ebola virus and how it's scared of Eric. Eric said they were friends at one time until Fred started bad mouthing him on Gonzo's radio show. Fred said he doesn't remember what he said about him.
Howard said they're going to do this rank out thing now. Howard took a call from a woman, Ann, who said she thinks Eric can lose the weight but he has to stick to the diet. Howard said that he's been on the diet for almost a month now. Eric said he was with Ann yesterday. He told her what he ate. She told Howard that he stuck to his diet and she said he put her to shame. Howard asked who this woman is. Eric said that she's a super fan of the show. Howard asked if she's pretty. Eric said she is but Ann said she's really not.
Howard said they're going to try a rank out session after the break. He said that he's going to let them do that for a couple of minutes. Eric asked if he can have lunch during the break.
Howard asked Fred what's going on with him. Fred said he's going to have a roast on November 9th. Howard asked who is going to roast him. Howard just went to break before getting an answer. They played a Casey Kasem rant clip and a couple of other bits as they went to break.
Howard said Eric is very slow and he's not very good at math. Howard said he thinks he lost 26 pounds and it's probably more like 9 or 10. Howard said they just had him on the scale. Fred asked what 2 times 5 is. Eric said it's 22. Howard said that's right. Howard asked how he got there. Eric said he doesn't know. He said he just guessed. Fred said it's 22 pieces of pizza.
Eric said that he lost the weight because his life and savior is there. He said he was a witness to it. Howard said that ounces is not the same as pounds. Eric said he knows that. Fred said he's not losing pounds but IQ points.
Howard asked if they wanted to do this rank out thing. Howard said that they'll have some judges in there to figure out who won the rank out. Howard had Fred the Elephant Boy go first. Fred said Eric is so fat it takes 3 days for him to wipe his ass. Fred said Captain Ahab is searching for him.
Eric said that Fred is so ugly... Fred said that no one likes Eric and just look at his Twitter account to see what people like. Fred said that Eric is like the sun, big, hot and hard to look at. Eric said Elephant Boy is so ugly again.
Fred and Eric went back and forth with their rank out lines. Eric said Fred is so ugly that if he needed mouth to mouth he'd die. Then he said ''Ha ha.''
Fred said Eric is so fat his mother screamed for 3 years after he was born. Fred said Eric looks like a hippo but not as smart.
Fred said Eric is so fat that his mother needed a sixth cesarean section to get him out. Eric said that sucked. Fred said Eric sucks cock. Eric said he's so ugly that Jerry Sandusky can't molest him.
Howard said it's open for the free for all round. Howard said there are no more rules. Fred said he's done some gay stuff and if he wanted to suck Eric's cock he would never find it under his fat. Howard said he thinks that Eric was just insulted but he's not sure.
Howard said he thinks it's over now. Eric said he thinks he won. Fred got in one more insult and then said he was done. They kept going with their one liners though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Eric won that. Howard took a call from Hanzi who said High Pitch won too. He said that fuck both of them though. Hanzi said he should make that guy he had on earlier a Wack Packer. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard asked Robin if there is any finesse to this or not. Robin said not at all. Howard asked Robin who she thinks won. Robin said she has to go with Fred the Elephant Boy. Robin said it was close but she's going with Fred.
Ronnie went with Fred too. Fred said ''Thanks old man.'' Howard asked Fred Norris who he thinks won. Fred said he thinks that the big fat guy won. He said that he just slightly won.
Howard asked Benjy who he thinks won. Benjy said Eric dominated it. Howard said the score is 2 to 2. Howard said the winner is going to be Eric. He cast the final vote. Howard said he thinks Eric tore it up and won it. He said his remarks were right on. Howard said they were more biting.
Howard let the guys get in their plugs. Eric said that he wanted to plug the Hummus and Pita Co.. Fred got in some plugs for his roast and Eric got in another plug for the woman who made the t-shirts for him.
Howard asked if they are friends now. Fred said it has gone on much too long. Eric said he wanted to greet him too. He said he wanted to tell him to fuck off.
Eric got in one more line about Fred being Ebola... Ebola shit. They threw a few more lines at each other. Howard took a call from Jeff the Bore who was trying to get out a line but Fred said he's bored already. Howard said he has no idea what he was trying to say. He let Jeff go and went to break. They played some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Tradio show as they were going to break.
The caller asked if Howard has ever seen anything down there. Howard said Beth is always clean. the caller said he wishes his wife was that clean. He said sometimes you're out camping or something and they get at it and there's toilet paper back there. Howard asked if he tells her. The caller said of course not. Howard said that's a real gentleman. Howard said he picks the dingle berries out of there. Howard said he would do the same but he's never had to.
Howard took another call from a woman who asked if he gets up in the middle of the night and if Beth gets up with him. Howard said at 4 in the morning she does usually get up. Howard said if he's up at 1 then she's sleeping. Howard said he was up twice last night at 10 and then at 3 to pee. He said he fell back asleep and then the alarm goes off and he wants to kill himself.
The caller said the kitten pictures Beth posts are great. She said they're doing a great job with all of that.
Howard said this date in Howard history they had Stevie Wonder in there. Howard said that he thought he was there at K-Rock. Fred and Robin said that it was both. JD told Howard that it was 2005. Howard thought they were there at Sirius in 2005. Howard said it was just at K-Rock. Howard said he can't find the clips. Gary told him where it was. Howard played some clips of Stevie performing in the studio back in 2005. He did a bunch of songs back then.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Howard could go to congress and complain about the population being too many. Howard said the world is over populated. Howard said our biggest problem is consumption. Howard said this world is a misery for so many unwanted children. Howard said these religious freaks want us to have more and more kids and it's terrible. Howard said it's just too many fucking people. The caller also asked if Bianca would start masturbating when he was masturbating. Howard said that's a ridiculous question. Howard hung up on her.
Robin read a story about why Bono wears sunglasses. Robin said he suffers from Glaucoma. Howard said he didn't realize that. Robin said he's had that for around 2 decades. Howard said he wears them to look cool himself.
Robin read a story about how the United States let Nazi war criminals leave the country and they let them keep getting their social security checks. Robin said they wanted them out and that's how they got them out. Robin said they told them to get out with their payments. Robin said they keep their benefits but they had to leave the country.
Robin read a story about Melissa Rivers not letting an autopsy be done on Joan Rivers. Robin said they may never get the real story on what killed her. Robin said that the newspapers are saying she died from a lack of oxygen to the brain but they may never know if there were errors made in her treatment.
Robin read about a Russian guy who called the Williams sisters the ''Williams Brothers'' and he's been suspended from the tennis federation for on year in Russia.
Robin read a story about The Band being honored with a star on the Canadian walk of fame. Robin said she didn't know that most of the band was from Canada. Robin and Howard spent a few minutes talking about The Band and who was left alive.
Robin read a story about the Ebola problem and what's been going on lately. Robin had some updates on how we have an Ebola Czar now. Howard said the CDC seems to be confused on this shit. Robin said they had one of the ill nurses call them before she took a flight and they told her it was fine. Then she ended up in quarantine. Robin said the guy who died of Ebola had not spread it to the people he was around before he died. Robin said they say that casual contact will not cause you to get the disease. Robin said even his girlfriend didn't test positive. Howard said Hanzi will never get it since he's in his parent's basement. Hanzi was on the phone so Howard picked up. Hanzi said he's hoping he dies from Ebola. Hanzi said he put him on the air earlier and he didn't even ask a question. Howard said here we go... Howard said he picked up and he asked him a question. He said he started rattling on about something that didn't make sense. Hanzi said he was calling about that Wack Packer. Howard said that was 4 hours ago. Howard said sometimes people can't listen to the show all the way through. Howard said it was very ponderous to circle back to something that happened 4 hours earlier. Howard said they were in the middle of something. Fred played his Imran Khan theme song.
Hanzi was still on the line. Howard said that he wants to forget the Wack Packer conversation. He wants Hanzi to talk about something he likes. Hanzi said Howard never cares. He said he likes comedy, hip hop and wrestling. Howard asked how he spent his weekend. Hanzi said he smoked weed and jerked off. Howard said he jerked off too. Howard asked what he jerked off to. Hanzi said he gets high and creates his own scenario in his head. He said he jerks off to Robin a lot. Howard asked what he does with her. Hanzi said he can't say that. Howard asked what he uses, is it just his hand? Hanzi said he sometimes looks at chick on Tinder and memorizes them. He said he'll come up with a scenario in his head. Hanzi said sometimes he'll think about how she doesn't want him and he has to get her to go with him. Howard asked if he ever has a threesome. Hanzi said he does that too in his fantasy. Howard asked where he cums. Hanzi said he does it into his shirts. He said he cleans them himself. He said sometimes he'll let it sit there on a chair until it's stiff. Howard asked if he lets it flake off. Hanzi said he used to look at atlases and see what shape they were in. Robin said that's wild.
Howard said Hanzi cums into a t-shirt and lets it dry and then he looks at it to see what shape it's in. Hanzi said it was in the shape of Prince Edward Island the other day. Howard asked if the load is really big. Hanzi said that he takes anti-depressants and the loads are thicker. He said sometimes it feels like his dick hole is going to explode. Howard asked if his parents cry themselves to sleep at night. Hanzi said when his dad found out he smokes weed he almost died.
Hanzi asked Howard to get him on the WWE. Howard said he can't do that. Hanzi said Vince McMahon is his buddy though. Howard said he can't do that. Howard asked if he ever goes up to girls and asks them out. Hanzi said he sees girls and jerks off to them. He said he can talk to them a little bit. He said he goes to the gym and sees girls there. He said he doesn't say anything to them though. Hanzi said he has talked to one or two before but not usually. He said one girl tried to get him to stop smoking. Howard said that's cool. Hanzi said he almost came in his pants talking to one girl. He said that was because he hadn't cum in a long time.
Howard asked what he wears. Hanzi said he wears sweat pants. Howard asked if the girl came up to him and asked if he smoked. Hanzi said he was out front smoking. Hanzi said she came up to him telling him how her dad used to smoke. He said he can't have a conversation. Howard said most girls are turned off by guys who can't have a conversation without cumming in their pants.
Hanzi asked if Eminem is ever going to be on the show again. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he was on once and he was never on again.
Hanzi said that he's worth money and he doesn't trust any girls. Howard said he doesn't have any money. Hanzi said his parents do. He said that he has made money for people too. Howard said he hasn't made any money. Hanzi said he has. He said they've all made money off of him. Howard said Hanzi makes no money.
Howard asked where Robin is in his fantasy. Hanzi said he's fucking her. Howard asked if he's fucking her in the ass. Hanzi just laughed. Howard asked where they do that. Hanzi said they're at her house. Howard asked if they make out at all or does he just fuck her. Hanzi said he fucks her and she gets turned on. Howard asked if she loses a bet or something. Hanzi said it's not that. He said he motorboats Robin too. Howard asked if he has to rub his penis. Hanzi said he has to rub it with two fingers at first. He said he's so small he has to do that with two fingers. Howard said he might be bigger than he is Howard said he just flicks his until it pops up. the
Howard asked if he is circumcised. Hanzi said he is. Howard asked about the jerking off again and what he does with his load when it dries. Hanzi said he has only done that once or twice. Howard asked why he cums in his shirt. Hanzi said one time he was out of his mind and he didn't want to get up so he just used his shirt. Howard said JD is just like Hanzi if he didn't rescue him. Howard said JD does a really good job though. He said he's not sure Hanzi could do that. Hanzi said if they gave him the microchip then he'd be able to do that. Howard said he had to go after hearing that kind of talk. Howard said he has to get out of there today. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the guy who had been named the Ebola Czar. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the man who was chosen and how he doesn't have the experience he should have. Robin said they're saying that the fear of Ebola is even more dangerous than Ebola itself. Howard said they were talking about that on Saturday night. Howard said they were wondering where to go when Ebola spreads. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about how we've only had 3 cases in this country so far so don't panic. Robin and Howard spent a few more minutes talking about that.
Robin read a story about how Nigeria is claiming that they have been able to stop the spread of Ebola. Robin said they haven't had a reported case of it in 42 days.
Robin read a story about a study that shows you should stop drinking soda pop if you want to keep your DNA youthful. Robin read some details about the study and what they found soda to be doing to people. Robin said they say that people show accelerated aging if you drink more than 20 ounces a day. Howard said he read that JD drinks soda for breakfast. JD said he hasn't done that lately. Howard asked why he would do that. JD said sometimes he needs the sugar to wake up. Howard said that's not a fix. He said it's just temporary. Howard said it's not good for you. JD said it's good. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Robin read a story about some high school coaches that were involved in a hazing incident. Robin said that they have suspended 5 teachers over the incident. Robin said they haven't charged the coaches yet. Robin said they are suspended with pay. Howard said that happened to them at NBC and it was the greatest thing ever. Howard said it was like they were encouraging him to do something wrong. Howard said it must have been a contractual thing.
Robin said the World Series is set. One of the teams is the Kansas city Royals. Howard said he heard Richard talking about how he's not going to wash his underwear until the series is over. Howard said he has a big smile on his face talking about that. Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where he talked about that with Jon and Gary. Howard wondered how someone married him. He wondered how he hired him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she works out at the gym where Hanzi works out. She said it's the most hilarious thing ever. She said that he claims he's not Hanzi though. Howard asked if she's good looking. She said she is. Howard asked if he is weird. She said he's very weird. She said he stares off into space and he'll be on a machine and just stare off into space. She said it's just weird. She said he'll do the weights with his arm and then just put them down and stare again. She said he'll do nothing and be super sweaty from that. She said it's fun to see him though. She said that her husband told her that he was there. Howard asked what the weirdest thing he's ever done is. She said seeing him trying to talk to girls is pretty funny. Howard said she should go talk to him and see if he cums. She said she should. Howard asked what she wears. She told Howard she wears tight leggings and a bra. She said he freaks out if you call him Hanzi. The caller said she should try calling him by his name Imran Khan. Howard said she should
Howard asked the caller, Bianca, where she thinks Casey Kasem's body is. She said maybe in Nigeria. Howard took a call from the corpse and Casey said he's in Hollywood now. He said he auditioned for the next Weekend at Bernies. Howard let Casey go a short time later.
Robin read a story about Oscar Pistorius and how he'll find out if he has to do hard time for shooting his girlfriend to death through a bathroom door. Robin said he will be sentenced tomorrow.
Robin read a story about the movie Fury coming in at number 1 at the box office. Robin read about some of the other movies that were in the top 5. Howard asked when St. Vincent is coming out. Robin said it's out now but only in a limited number of theaters. Howard said people are going to love that movie.
Robin read a story about the movie Guardians of the Galaxy and how they're screwing up the subtitles in the Chinese market. Robin said it has only brought in $30 million over there.
Robin read a story about Halloween coming up and how people are buying fake contacts to change their eye color and doctors are warning against using them. They can cause problems. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about the problems that you can have. Howard said people just don't think. He said sometimes they deserve the problems they have.
Robin read about an American Idol contestant who died on Saturday of cancer. Robin said she was just 32 years old. Howard said he saw two male strippers who were quarantined for possibly having Ebola. Howard said he can't believe that there are even male strippers in this world. Howard said women don't need that. Robin said when she saw Magic Mike the whole audience was old ladies. Howard said that Heidi and Mel B get so excited over the men who take their shirts off on AGT. Howard said even his mother wonders if they have never seen a man with his shirt off.
Robin had some audio of this Joanne woman singing on Idol. They ended the show after that. They were done around 10:20am.
Gary said they had someone from sales in there and a guy in a suit acting like a guy from a company. Richard said he had no idea they were taping that. He said he heard people talking of the game and then he put two and two together and figured he wasn't going to get the 10 grand. Gary asked if he really thought he'd let him cut off his toe for that money. Richard said Benjy did get a finger up his ass.
Jon said he didn't understand the line he drew with the shaving the bush and the licking of Nicole Bass' vagina. Richard said he sees Nicole as a bro in a way. Gary asked if he would lick Sal's balls. Richard said he would. He said Nicole is kind of a friend so he would lick her too. Jon asked if there is anyone there whose balls he wouldn't lick. Richard said if he had to lick Big Foot's balls he'd ask for more than 10 grand. Gary asked if he would choose Jon Hein or Scott Salem to lick. Richard said he would pick Jon over Scott. Jon asked about Gary or Fred. Richard said that he'd pick Gary because it's funny and Fred would probably punch him if he did that. Gary said he thinks that licking Ronnie's balls would be the funniest thing. Richard said he was going to blow him. Gary laughed.
Jon said if you blow someone then it's sexual and gay. Richard said it's not if you're a friend and it's not meant to be sexual. Richard said it's just funny. He said it's not gay. Gary said he feels like he's in that Joe Rogan gym bit. Richard said that's one of his favorite bits ever.
Richard said JD showed him a video of a two guys and one guy enters the other guy and then pulls out and urinates on the back of the other guy. He said that it was the funniest thing ever.
Jon said Howard needs a good plot in porn. He asked Richard if he's the same way with that. Richard said he doesn't need any kind of plot. Richard said he likes anything with Peter North in it. Jon asked if the female can be anyone and he's into it just because Peter North is into it. Richard said that he's the man and he likes anything he does. He said he's not attracted to the guys in the porn.
Richard said he and JD love this video and it's called Big Guy Jackin'. He said it's a heavy guy with a not very big wiener pumping off in front of his camera. He said it's the funniest thing ever.
Jon said people were surprised by what Richard was saying no to. Jon asked if he was surprised at what people were surprised at. Richard said his wife is fine with what he does with Sal and things like that. He said his wife doesn't want him doing things with other people. Gary said he did say yes to jacking off a horse. Richard said that's a job though. He said he's not doing it to get off. He said he would never do that but he had a friend who jerked off his dog chunk and his dad walked in and saw him doing it. He said he had some crazy friends so his dad just let it go.
Jon asked if he has heard other stories about people jacking off larger animals. Richard said he did hear about a guy jacking off a sheep at a carnival. He said that's not what he does though. He said that's not his thing.
Jon said Richard did talk about walking around with a dildo in his ass. Richard said he'd have to see it first. He said that a small butt plug might be okay.
Gary said that he's not sure why Richard's wife would be okay with him licking Sal's balls. Richard said she knows him and she knows it's not sexual. He said that it's just a bit.
Richard said he remembers jacking off to Bass Pro Shops ads and things like that. He said he had Stryper posters in his room too and they were close to looking like women. Jon went to break after that.
Jon played a clip from the segment where Eric and Fred were going at each other with their rank outs. Jon asked how you judge something like that. Gary said you go by how their jokes were. Jon asked if Fred has it more together than Eric does. Gary said that he does have a job. He said he's got it more together in that sense. He said sometimes he walks around there like he's lost though.
Jon took a call from a guy who was doing an impression of Richard's dad giving them an update on what's going on at home. Jon cut him off and took another call.
Nicole Bass was on the line and said she thinks it's a compliment that the Williams sisters were called men. She said that she's been called a man for years and the first time she broke into tears. Nicole said they are in great shape and it's not a put down. Gary asked if the time she cried was the first time she'd ever heard comments like that. Nicole said no. She said the first time she wasn't even in shape. She said that she heard them even before she was a body builder. She said it's her height and size.
Gary said he thought the guy who made the comments about the Williams sisters was out of line. Gary said he didn't get the racist part though. He said he thinks he was just talking about their looks and not their race.
Jon asked Nicole if she heard the Richard game where he said he'd be willing to lick her vagina. Nicole said she missed that. She said that she had to cut back on her calls to the show because guys were showing their penises to her. She said that she had to cut back on that.
Gary said he hard that she was dating someone. Nicole said she was but it got serious real quick so they backed off for a bit. She said they're back together now and he's a nice guy who is 6'4'' tall. Richard asked if she knew Benjy was available. Nicole said she's sorry she missed out on that.
Jon said that Bobo doesn't think Matt should be in there. Gary said that might take away from his air time. Gary said Hanzi said he met a girl at the club and she wanted to change him and he was thinking about how he's already complaining because things are going so great with that woman.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that the Williams sisters thing was racist because the guy said that they were like brothers and maybe he was going for brothers like black guy brothers. Gary said he's not sure how he said it so he's not sure about that.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Hanzi and if he'll be able to push to get more things. Gary said Hanzi is Hanzi and he doesn't need a push to get on a show. He said that he was thinking that he might be easier to deal with than Eric the Actor but he's not sure about that now. Jon said these things don't happen over night. He said they do take time. Gary said the beauty of Eric was that he had zero acting ability but he had the demands of a 3 time Oscar winner. They spent a little time on that and then went to break.
Jon asked Gary why jam bands don't strike him the right way. Gary said it gets a little self indulgent. He said that they're not making great music all the time but sometimes they do. Steve said that he thinks that it works for Phish. He said they do have some 4 minute songs though. He said they have a couple of radio songs. Steve said the fans don't want to hear those songs though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a Phish fan but he's not doing drugs all the time. He said not all of the fans are doing that. The caller said that he doesn't go there wanting to hear the 25 minute jam but sometimes they do songs that are just face melters and you realize how good they are. He said as far as a concert goes it's one of the best experiences out there. Gary and Jon said they get that. Gary said that's just not his kind of music but he respects them.
Gary asked Richard if they ever did long jams. Richard said not really. He said he has done long drum solos when someone had a problem with a guitar rig or something. He said they never extended songs or anything.
Richard said he went to see a band, Amon Amarth, the other night and the audience rows back and forth like they're in a Viking ship. He said it was a pretty cool thing to see.
Jon and Gary talked about some other bands that they have gone to see like Steely Dan. Jon said he went to see the Grateful Dead and the Steve Miller band opened up for them. He said you could tell who the Dead fans were and who the Miller band fans were. They weren't the same people.
Gary said he used to walk around with a Walkman on and he'd listen to radio stations at times. He said they'd have a Grateful Dead concert on during his walk.
Jon asked if Jon Leiberman is a fan of these bands. Leiberman said that he's into the Dave Matthews band. He spent a minute on that and then Jon asked him to give them the Howard 100 News headlines for today. Leiberman did that and then the guys talked about recording audio books and what that experience is like. Robin will be doing that for Beth's book about their cat Yoda. Gary did some of Artie's book and said it took him like 20 hours or so to do the recordings he did.
Jon got in some plugs for Sternthology and Leiberman Live. Jon ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about the song Fred played as they started. Howard talked about what that song is about for a few seconds. Howard said that Hannibal Buress is coming in this morning. He said that William Shatner is too. Howard said Hannibal is on this Eric Andre show and it's hilarious. Howard said the show is on some channel that he's not sure of. Jason told him it's Adult Swim. Howard said the show is very slapstick and very physical but very funny. Howard said he thinks that Eric is coming on tomorrow. Howard said they didn't even plan that. Robin said Hannibal is a great name. Howard said he's heard he has problems with that name. Howard said he does a routine about his name in his act that's pretty funny.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about the band Phish. Howard said he got them all riled up. He said people were saying that he doesn't know anything about them. Howard said they're right. He read some of the mail and one guy said they don't know how big they are. Howard said he doesn't think that people would know them like they know the Beatles. Howard said people were telling him about who the guys are in the band and how huge they are. Howard said people get excited when they know something that they don't.
Howard said William Shatner is coming in and he loves talking to the Shat. Howard said he did a cover of Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes last time he was there. Howard played some of that cover of his childhood song. Howard said even funnier was the phony phone call they made to a woman named Mary with Shatner speaking the lyrics. Howard played that call too. Howard said that's so great. He said she stayed on the phone way too long.
Howard said that Casey was on Scooby Doo. Howard said he was the voice of Scooby and someone corrected him saying he played Shaggy.
Howard said Wolfie went to a gathering of the Juggalos for Insane Clown Posse over the summer. Howard said all of the Juggalos sound exactly like Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent Jay. Howard said they sound like a parking lot full of Shaggy and Violent Jay. Howard said they're from a whole other world.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking some guys about hiding their booze to sneak into the show and things like that. Howard said he wouldn't last 5 minutes in that parking lot. Robin said she loves that people have no respect for their brain cells. Howard said that they don't have jobs but they have acid and pot. Howard said the Juggalos are coming from a whole other place. He said the number 17 must have something to do with a song because a lot of them mention that number. Howard played another clip of a guy saying that they're not all retarded like people think they are. One guy said he can drink half a case of beer and still pass a breathalyzer. Howard said that's like a super power.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about drinking ''above 17'' beers at a concert. He had a few other things to say about the concert. Howard said this is why he's holed up in his apartment.
Howard had a clip of Wolfie talking to a guy who calls himself Mr. Rotten Treats. He said he's been brought out from the underground. The guy was saying that the Juggalos don't care what society says. Howard said he's not sure what society is saying that they don't care about.
Howard said he hasn't seen those guys in ages. Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to a guy about his anger toward people. Wolfie also spoke to a guy who said he let a girl stick two fingers in his ass at a concert once. He said it felt not too good but not too bad.
Howard said that guy got two fingers. Benjy only got one. Howard said maybe he wants to go to a Juggalo concert. Howard said he's a Jigglo because he jiggles.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking to Wolfie about the people who come to the shows and how they need to carry hatchets. Howard said these are the guys we should be sending to fight against ISIS.
Howard played another interview with a guy who talked about the drugs he was going to do before the show. He said he was going to do as many as he could and drink some beer too. Howard said they don't have jobs but they can do all of that.
Howard said that was a good taste of that stuff. Howard said he was listening to some ICP this weekend. He said that they have a song about Howard Stern but it's not about him. JD told Howard it is about Howard. Howard said they sound pissed off at him. JD said it's a fake origin story about how they met. They were saying Howard is like a serial killer. Howard asked if it's a made up thing about how he was created. JD said that's it. Howard said it's not really about him. JD had the song up on the computer for Howard. Howard said JD was just mumbling that they made up the story. Howard played the song ''Mind of Howard Stern.'' Howard said he likes this back story better than his own. Howard said he was a serial killer in the song.
Howard said he's never had a song written about him before. Howard said they should get Shatner to cover this song. Robin said he'd do a great job with this one. Howard said he was listening to this song over the weekend. He said he must be a bit of a Juggalo. Howard said he doesn't give a shit about Obamacare. Howard said he should do a movie like this. He said he could be like Dexter. Howard said he would go see that.
Howard said these guys are very creative. Howard said they have an interesting story there. Howard said he'd have to have a code like Dexter did. Howard said he might have to go visit these boys and have them write up a treatment.
Howard said that Oscar Pistorius got like no time for killing his girlfriend. Howard said they gave him 5 years but they say he might be out in 10 months. Howard said he was watching FOX News and he saw the judge give him his sentence. Howard said she said that he got 5 years and he thought that was better than nothing. He said it's crazy that he didn't get more for killing someone the way he did. Howard said the family is accepting of it and he would be livid if that was his kid. Howard said he thought about the 5 years but then they said he could get out in 10 months for good behavior. Howard said he'll be under house arrest. Howard said that's the way he lives himself. He said that he loves house arrest. Howard said he doesn't like to leave his house.
Robin said there's a guy in prison who wants to learn to draw and he wants a book that teaches using nude models but porn is illegal. Howard said he's pretty sure you can learn without seeing the nude stuff. Howard said he thinks there are people who take class to learn to draw nudes and they think they get to see naked women. Howard said some of them get fooled when a naked dude shows up.
Howard played some of the audio of the judge sentencing Oscar Pistorius. Howard said he hates this woman. He said that she's the one who judged this whole case and gave the sentence. Howard said he would have just said he was guilty and sentenced him. Howard said he would have hit the X and sent him to prison like a judge on AGT.
Howard played more of the audio and said this woman is the worst. Howard said she let this guy bounce out on his blades after he killed a woman. Howard let the audio play of the judge giving her sentencing. She suspended some of the sentence and gave him 5 years knowing that he'd be out in 10 months. Howard said that's crazy. Howard said Oscar should have been saying ''I love you my lady.'' Howard said the judge should leave her bathroom door open so he knows that she's not an intruder.
Howard said when she was reading that sentencing her talking is like a prison sentence. Howard said it went on and on and on. Howard said they have to stop the bullshit with the sentence that doesn't last as long as they say. Howard said Hannibal is there and he can't wait to talk to him. Howard said he wrote for Saturday Night Live for a year. He said it went horribly. Howard said he has to tell the story but at one point he went somewhere with the writers and he didn't show up but no one missed him. Howard said he went to a Knicks game or something. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Hannibal Buress there. Howard said he's got a comedy tour going on right now. Howard said he was having some trouble with his plug. Howard said he's appearing in Pennsylvania on November 9th. Hannibal said those must be the dates that aren't selling so well.
Howard said he just got turned on to the Eric Andre show. Howard said that is one fucking funny show. Howard asked if he writes for the show. Hannibal said he writes a little bit with Eric. He said people think that Eric is that guy he plays on the show but he's actually a really calculated dude. He said he does a lot of stuff on the show and those are his genuine reactions. He said that it's just fun to interview guests and do fun stuff.
Howard said he was talking to people about Hannibal and he says that Dave Chappelle was his inspiration. Howard said he gets that because he's relaxed like Dave. Howard said he hasn't seen Dave since that whole thing with Comedy Central. Hannibal said he's staying busy out there performing a lot. Howard asked if people ask what the fuck is up with Dave and turning down that 50 million bucks. Howard asked Hannibal if he's talked to him about it. Hannibal said it's not his place to ask him about it. He said he's sure he's been asked a lot already. Hannibal said it's not his place. He said he made that decision and he had his reasons. He said he did it and that's that.
Howard said Hannibal grew up in Chicago. He said that must have been tough. Hannibal said it was a middle class upbringing and it was alright. He said he started performing at 19. Howard said he must have known earlier. Hannibal said he had the bug earlier. He said he was a ham and a smart Alec. He said that he didn't know early on that he wanted to do it. Howard said he read he was working a job at Burger King and he quit when they didn't let him take off for New Year's Eve. Hannibal said he was working in the kitchen and he wanted to be at the register but they didn't let him do it so he had to get out. He said he can't imagine staying with that job.
Howard said Hannibal is making news all over about the comments he made about Bill Cosby. Howard said he never found Cosby funny. He said he saw him as a young man and he was bored to tears. He said his attitude is so condescending to other comics. Hannibal said he has been doing this bit about Cosby and someone taped it in Philly. He said he's been doing it for like 6 months. Howard said he basically said that Cosby is a rapist. Howard said he's never been convicted but he has been accused. Howard said it must be weird when the media picks up a bit like that and makes it bigger. Hannibal said it's the first time it's happened and he has a lot of people writing to him about it. He said that he didn't put it out there to make it a discussion. He said he was doing it as material at that venue. He said he wasn't doing it to start a conversation.
Howard said he will say something on the show and then he sees it in print and it takes on a new meaning. Hannibal said that it's not even fans. He said it's people who don't listen. Howard said he read what Hannibal said and he thought it was right on. Howard said Hannibal says that he's supposed to be untouchable but why not touch him. Howard said it was curious to him that it became such a big story.
Howard said Hannibal was telling Cosby to stop lecturing them if his closet isn't so clean. Hannibal said it is an interesting situation. Howard asked if he's afraid of living in dread and saying something that might upset someone. Hannibal said this is a new thing for him. He said he's been doing stand up for 13 years and this is the first time it's happened like that. He said he does a bit about taking a shit on an airplane and no one cares about that. Howard said he thinks that it's stuff that people say in private and Hannibal is taking it to the stage.
Howard said Hannibal says that he has only bombed like 3 times in his career. Hannibal said he may have said that in fun with some interviewer. Howard said he was doing a show once and he had someone yelling out '' Kevin Hart'' the whole time and he wasn't sure why. Hannibal said he opened up for him once and it was tough. He said it was an energy that wasn't right for comedy. He said there were young kids there dancing and stuff. He said Kevin Hart's audience was like mostly 18 year old kids from the suburbs. He said that one kid was yelling out Kevin Hart during the show.
Howard said Hannibal must be glad he has an unusual name. Howard said when he's a kid it's a pain in the ass. Hannibal said even now it's weird. He said people think he's lying about his name. He said he has no reason to lie to people. He said that's his real name. Hannibal said because of the movie they think that it's not his real name. He said he has seen the fear in people's eyes when he tells them his name. Howard asked if he asked his parents why they named him that. Hannibal said his dad named him. He said that's a dad name. He said it does stand out for stand up. He said he appreciates it for that but it makes for some weird conversations. Sometimes he'll say a different name just to avoid that conversation.
Howard said he heard that Hannibal has a love for YouPorn like he does. Howard said it's such a great site because it's all free. Hannibal said they have everything you could possibly want. He said TubeGalore is even better. He said they have all the categories on there. Howard said he heard about that and it's too much for him. He said he sticks with YouPorn. Howard asked what categories he likes. Hannibal said he likes Granny Interracial. He said he really does and it's very interesting to see that. Howard said he's never tried that. He said that he might have to check it out.
Howard asked if he has ever made it through a whole clip. Hannibal said he hasn't. He said he gets through about 10-15 seconds and then he has to go clean up. Howard said he will watch some stuff just to see how it works out. Howard said he likes to see the scenario to see how it goes. Howard said he needs to know that sometimes. Hannibal said there's a video of two girls in an MMA Octagon and one of the girls puts on a dildo and fucks the other girl. Howard said he watches baby sitter porn. He said he likes to see the fake doctor ones too. Hannibal said he hasn't seen those. Howard said that Hannibal says they have comments on YouPorn. Howard said he hasn't seen that. Hannibal said that some people say they could have fucked that girl better. He said he finds it odd that people have to give their take on that. Hannibal said the comments get racist too.
Howard asked Hannibal about how he ended up on a plane with Jimmy Carter. Hannibal said that was a few years ago and he saw Carter walking through and shaking everyone's hands. He said he finds that to be kind of gross. He said that he fist bumps himself. He said it's an odd thing to assume everyone wants to shake your hand. He said he should make an announcement and ask if people want to shake his hand they can do that.
Howard said that Hannibal likes doing stand up, right? Hannibal said he's just starting to do theaters and it's kind of new now. He said he's building a fan base. He said that he's getting into a new space where it's like a new career. Howard said he has to start over again with his material after doing these specials. Hannibal said he does work some of his old material in but he does come up with new stuff.
Howard asked Hannibal about opening up for Aziz Ansari. Hannibal said that was different. He said there were 12,000 people there. Hannibal said it was really cool to do that.
Howard asked how he got picked to do the big tour he did last year. Hannibal said Live Nation invited him to do it.
Howard said Louis C.K. is a good dude. Hannibal said that he's crushing it. He said that he's flying private planes on the eyeball tour. Howard asked if he could fly with him. Hannibal said he can if he pays. He said that it was a cool thing to travel like that. He said it changes your perspective. Howard asked if there were snacks on the plane. Hannibal said there were. He said he flew on one flight where they were all just trying to eat as much as they could in 40 minutes or so.
Howard asked if he ever shit on a plane because he does a bit about it. Hannibal said he did. He said he had bad food. He said he had to go. Hannibal said that it was bad but it had to happen. He said he was on Delta. He said he realized he had to shit and he just did it.
Howard said that Hannibal met Scarlett Johansson. Hannibal said he met her at a club in New York. Howard asked if he ever gets laid going to clubs. Hannibal said not really. He said it hasn't really happened. He said he just goes out for the music and energy of a club. Robin asked what went down with Scarlett. Hannibal said he heard she was a fan. He said he asked to be introduced and see how it goes. He said this friend he had introduced him and they were both big fans of each other. Howard said she's hot. Hannibal said they were left alone for awhile and he didn't know what to say. He said someone interrupted them after 15 seconds of weirdness.
Howard said he tells a story about going to buy apple juice and the clerk gave him a hard time. He wondered why that was but then he realized that he was with a white woman at the time. Hannibal said he thought the guy was upset with him but maybe he wasn't. He said maybe he just had a tremor or something in his hand and he was just thinking he was angry.
Howard said Hannibal is so laid back on the Eric Andre show that he was smoking pot but that's just the way he is. Hannibal said he'd freak out with the cameras if he was high. Howard said he looks at his career as being kind of magical. Howard said he started at 19 and he opened for Tracy Morgan in 2008. Hannibal said that was his first big gig. He said he got it last minute and it was cool. Howard asked if he was nervous. Hannibal said he was a little. Howard asked what advice Tracy gave him. Hannibal said he asked how much time he wanted him to do. He said Tracy told him to be like the date rape drug and he'd be like the big, black dick. Hannibal said he wasn't sure how much time that was. He said he had some good advice about moving around the stage and stuff like that.
Howard said Hannibal comes from a humble beginning and he decides to become a stand up comic. Howard said he goes to New York and just goes to open mic nights. Hannibal said he moved to New York in January of 2006. He said he went to an open mic night with his luggage. He didn't even have a place to live yet. Hannibal said he had to work out his comedy shit.
Howard said he slept in the park and stuff. Hannibal said he slept in the subway too. He said he was homeless by stubbornness. He said he just wanted to stay in New York and that was that. He said he stayed with his sister for 2 weeks. He said then they told him to get out so he stayed at hostels and slept at people's houses and stuff. He said he slept on the subway and it would be empty. Then he'd wake up and it would be full of people going to work. He said that he knew that he was going to make it and he was just stubborn.
Howard asked where the nicest places were that he stayed. Hannibal said that he stayed with some women at times and they were pretty nice to put him up.
Howard asked Hannibal about getting a shot on Jimmy Fallon's late night show. Howard said Seth Meyers saw him doing stand up and Seth asked him to be a writer on SNL. Howard said that's a pretty quick trajectory. Hannibal said that was in 2009. He said he did that and got his meeting with Seth. He said he didn't want to do the meeting at first. He said he figured it was going to be one of these general meetings and it was going to be about nothing. He said he thought it was going to be a bullshit meeting. He said he was going to be flying home to Chicago that day and he didn't want to change that. He said it was a Priceline ticket where he had to name his own price. He said that he got the job with SNL though. He said that it was intimidating going in there. He said there is no training for that job. He said he got paid a lot of money to do that though.
Howard said he didn't have a good time at SNL. Hannibal said he wrote a sketch for Charles Barkley and it was about his bad golf swing. He said that he didn't even come up with the idea. He said his cousin Percy came up with it. He said that the guy isn't even in comedy.
Howard asked why he wasn't hitting the mark with that. Hannibal said he thinks he's more of a performer than a writer. He said he thinks that if he had given it another year he could have done better. He said he was sort of thrown into it and he didn't work as hard as he could have. He said he didn't dive into it like he thought he could have.
Howard asked Hannibal about writing something and Lorne was wondering about it. Hannibal said he was for Andy Samburg and it made it to dress rehearsal but it bombed. He said that they were watching it with Lorne Michaels and it got no laughs. He said that Lorne said nothing until the end. He said what he said at the end was ''Well, that was conceptually adventurous.''
Howard said Hannibal worked there a year but they never really fired him. Howard asked how they do it. Hannibal said you just don't hear anything. He said you don't get a call. Hannibal said he went to 30 Rock from that though. Howard asked how he got that job. Hannibal said it's just magic, man. Howard said that's another Lorne Michaels show though. Hannibal said it was.
Howard said that Hannibal is single now. He was in a long term relationship. Hannibal said they still talk. He said he doesn't think it's over. Howard said it must be tough to be in a relationship being a stand up and being on the road all the time. Hannibal said it's tough to maintain. Howard said he must have some groupies on the road. Hannibal said it's there. He said it depends on what's going on. He said there are times when he's with a new girl and then he's stuck with someone he doesn't know.
Howard asked about the girlfriend of 2 years and if she's a comedian. Hannibal said she works in the business but she's not a comedian. Howard asked if she has asked him to be in a committed relationship. Hannibal said that she's a great girl and he has to try to make this work. He said he has met a lot of people who aren't quality and she's one of the few quality people in his life. Hannibal said he has to tour and work while he can. He said he's brought her on the road and tried to make it work. Howard asked who ended it. Hannibal said he thinks he did this last time. Howard said it sounds like fun. Hannibal said it can be chaotic. He said she's a great woman and real passionate. Howard said he hopes it works out for him.
Howard gave Hannibal some plugs for his upcoming dates and for the Eric Andre show. Howard asked when they tape that show. Hannibal said they taped it all in May. He said they tape a lot but the show is only like 11 minutes long. Howard talked about a bit he saw them do with Seth Rogen and said it was really funny. He said that he loves Hannibal's reactions on the show. Howard said you can find out more about the comedy dates at HannibalBuress.com. Howard thanked Hannibal for coming in and then went to break. They played a prank call Elephant Boy made to a woman as they were going to break.
Howard said he has some tape to play. He went to the phones first. Howard said Hanzi wants to say that the girl who called in yesterday wasn't telling the truth about him at the gym. Howard picked up on Hanzi and played him in with a theme song. Hanzi said he doesn't stare at anyone. He said he keeps hie headphones on there. Robin asked if he denies he's Hanzi. Hanzi said some people may have approached him. Howard said that she was telling the truth then. Hanzi said no chick ever asked him that. He said it's only dudes who ask him. Hanzi said that chick didn't sound that hot anyways.
Hanzi said that they were talking about ICP and they believe in that Illuminati thing. Howard said someone wrote in and said that Hanzi is part of the IllumiNutty. Howard read that email quickly. Howard said they learned that Hanzi cums in his t-shirts like JD. Hanzi said he's been doing that since like 2003. Howard said JD should stop doing things when he learns he does the same things as Hanzi. JD said he has. Howard said Hanzi will eat the same kind of things that JD eats for breakfast. Hanzi asked how he knows that. Howard said one of the guys told him. Hanzi said he knew that he was watching him. Howard said he's right, he's watching him.
Howard said he really has to go. Hanzi asked him to have CM Punk on the show. Howard said he will look into it. Hanzi wanted him to have some chick from the show Banshee on too. Howard said the girl he's talking about is insanely good looking. Hanzi said that's his dream woman. Howard said Hanzi is going to go through his whole life and never fuck anyone like her. Howard asked Robin to just give him a hand job.
Hanzi said the first time he saw Robin was when she flashed her bra on the E! show. He said he thought she was kind of a prude but then he saw her big tits and he was like ''Holy shit man!'' Howard asked what year that was. Hanzi said it must have been 1998 or something.
Howard said that Hight Pitch Eric and Fred the Elephant Boy had a good argument. Howard had some feedback about that. Howard played a clip of Joey Boots and High Pitch on the news. There was a reporter doing a story on the street and Joey comes out and yells Baba Booey while Eric is back there yelling but you can barely understand what he's saying.
Howard said they have a guy who does a High Pitch impression. He played the clip and the guy was talking about how he wants to go out with Benjy if he breaks up with Elisa. Howard said he thought that was really Eric when he heard it the first time. Howard played more of the clip of the guy doing his impression and it sounded like he was doing Joey Boots too. Howard said that's really good. Howard said his name is Matt Jacobs.
Howard said that there are some new songs about JD cumming into his own shirt. Howard played one from Daniel Mendelson.
Howard played a bit they put together about Jeff the Drunk being a bore. They had a woman falling asleep hearing Jeff talking about various things. Howard played another song about JD cumming on his shirts. They had a song about Robin's cans and a bit about her being in defense of diarrhea.
Howard played some interviews Sal and Richard did with people on the street about Robin saying that ''a cold is the body's way of crying.'' Some people thought she was nuts for saying that. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the Indiana Jones theme song. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that William Shatner is there. Howard said he has like 19 projects going on. Howard asked how he's doing. Bill said he's doing fine. Howard said he's getting up there in age and they're all looking at the back 9 now. Howard said he's getting old himself. Howard asked if Bill fears death. Bill said he does. He said that he's obsessed by it. He asked if Howard is interested in mediums. Howard said Houdini debunked them. Howard said that Benjy worked for the psychic friends network and he had a list of questions to ask that lead people on.
Bill said he was watching The Dr. Oz show and he wonders how this woman is talking to the dead. Howard said she's not. Bill said she offers proof by someone raising their hand. Howard said it's all a trick. Robin asked why the dead don't know their own names. Robin said that she'll ask about a letter in the audience and she won't know the name. Howard asked Bill if he believes they are communicating with the dead. Bill said no. He said he wants to believe but he's not sure. Howard said he has to know there is probably nothing. Bill said you're hanging on by your fingertips. Howard said Valerie Harper was on the show about a year ago. He said he has a code word with her. He said he's going to have a medium on the show and ask them to tell him what the code word is when she dies. Robin said she won't die now. Howard said she's staying alive and it's so annoying. Howard said she's a lovely woman.
Howard said Bill believes that there is a way. Bill said he doesn't know but he desperately wants to know. Howard said they'll know soon enough.
Howard said Bill's word should be ''sabatage''. Howard was referring to a tape he used to play of Bill saying the word sabotage in a funny way.
Howard said they went out to Comic-Con and asked people what questions they had for William Shatner. He said it's no wonder he hates his fans. Howard played a clip of a guy asking a wacky question. Bill said these people who go to Comic-Con are there for science fiction and that's what these mediums are. Howard played another clip of a guy asking about something in episode 17 and why it was. Bill said that the answer is that they have a flatulence problem. Howard said Bill doesn't even know what episode they're talking about. Howard said these people are living every episode. Bill said he doesn't want to disappoint them. He said that he says he really doesn't know and asks them what they think. Howard said he would just ask for $50 for his autograph and tell them to get the fuck out of there.
Howard played one last question where a fan asked about how he got his start in the business and then said he's the flamboyant enigma. Howard said this is a crazy scene. Bill said they're there because they don't know what's around the corner and they want to know.
Howard said he saw Bill in the George Takei documentary. Howard asked why he did it. He said he doesn't even think about George. Bill said that George did something very funny on a roast of him. He said that he wanted to use film of that in his one man show... which will be in New York in January. Bill said that he has been touring that show the last couple of years. He said it's the best. He said he needed his permission to use that video so he did the best he could in his documentary. Bill said he feels sorry for George about how disturbed he is. He said he froths and fumes over some things.
Howard said he has some tape of George talking about Bill. He played a clip they edited saying that William Shatner has a beautiful cock. Howard had him talking about Bill's grey balls and things like that. Bill said that he promised he wouldn't tell anybody.
Howard asked Bill if he tells people that he stays young and virile by working. Bill said that he still rides horses competitively too. Howard asked if he jumps with the horses. Robin answered for him and said ''No!'' Bill said he competes with trotting horses and things like that. Bill told Howard what he does and how he has show horses.
Howard said Bill is doing some shows on a few different networks. Bill said that the DIY network is on your cable network. He said it's not new and they're very big. Howard said that they did this show where they remodeled their house. Howard said that's just a way to get the house remodeled for free. Bill said it wasn't free. Howard said the network paid for it. Bill said they paid a lot. Bill said he remodeled it about 20 years ago. Last year the DIY network came to him and asked him if he wanted to do it again. Howard kept goofing on Bill for saying the DAY network even though Bill thought he was saying DIY. Howard asked how they pitched it to him. Bill said that he put all of the money into the fixing up of the house. Bill said they had 5 contractors ripping up the house at one time. He said he and his wife were there for the 30 days they were there. He said they fixed up 6 rooms.
Howard said they say that they needed 3 dishwashers, 3 sinks and 3 ovens. Bill said that they have to watch the show to see why. He said they made one kitchen into a kennel kitchen. He said they cook food in that kitchen and they have other kitchens.
Howard said Bill is also on something called BIZ TV. Bill had no idea what that was. Howard said he's a co-host of some show on this internet network called Biz-TV. Bill said it was in the middle of being sold so he didn't know where it was going to end up. Howard said Bill also hosts a Brown Bag Wine tasting show. Bill said he does that too. Howard said that this is unbelievable. Howard said he's very busy. Bill said he has a book called Catch Me Up coming out too. He said he has the DIY network show and all of that other stuff too. Bill said that he interviewed the people for the book. He said that he did interviews about how to build a web site and things like that. It's for people over 50.
Howard asked Bill to clear something up. He said Bill met with JJ Abrams and he may be in the next Star Trek. Howard said he would play himself in the future. Howard said he will do it if the role is meaty enough. Howard asked if he did that. Bill said he did talk to JJ. He said it was a phone call. Bill said he was told not to tell anyone. He didn't. He said then it ended up all over the internet. Howard said he thought Bill released that information. Bill said he thought the director did an interview or something. Howard asked if he's in or not. Bill said he doesn't know. Howard said he thinks it would be interesting to see him in it. Bill wondered how they would do that. Howard said they worked Nimoy into it. Bill said they did but it was in a very odd way.
Howard said he looked up some things in the Encyclopedia Shatneria. Howard said it's a book about Shatner. Howard said that he read he would keep kissing girls after a scene was done shooting. Bill said they've talked about that. Howard said he had full erections when he was making his movie. Howard said he was in a tub with a gorgeous naked woman and he got a boner. Howard said he had to cover it up with his towel and hand. Howard asked if it's unusual to want to continue kissing after they say cut. Bill said you could get sued for that. Howard said not back in those days. Howard asked if he did find himself doing that. Bill said if it was an attractive girl maybe.
Howard played some of the cover of Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes that Bill did last time he was there. Howard said that was great. Howard told Bill they took his voice and called a woman named Mary. He said he has to hear this. Howard played the call the guys made to the woman using the clips of Bill saying Mary's name in that cover of Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes. Bill said that's hysterical. Howard said that he was fantastic in that. Bill was laughing at the end of it. Howard said that it's weird that people stay on the line that long. Bill said that she was about to hang up but then another moment comes in and she's stopped by it. He said there is an insanity to the lyric.
Howard asked what kind of fun Bill is having. Howard said he has all of this stuff going on. Howard asked if he goes out with friends. Bill said they do. He said he went out to some fish place on 55th street. Howard didn't know which one he was talking about. Bill said he went out with Dr. Oz. He said he's become his buddy. Howard asked how that happened. Bill said that they have a connection. Howard asked if he has a wife. Bill said he does. He said they talked about this psychic he had on his show from New Jersey. He said they also talked about eating greens and things like that. He said he was wondering if he endorses this psychic. Bill said death mystifies Dr. Oz as well. He said that Dr. Oz isn't sure how the psychic thing is done. Howard said they have to plant friends in the audience who listen and observe things in the lobby. Bill said maybe they do. Howard asked if Oz is a believer. Bill said he doesn't think so but he doesn't know how it's done. Howard said he thins it's dangerous for him to dabble in that when he's a man of science. Bill said they do explore it on their TV show.
Howard asked if Shatner has ever banged a Trekkie. Bill said he has not. He said he has to be extra careful after all the stories he's heard. He said he's happily married too. Howard asked what the secret is. Bill said you have to be him. Howard asked what the secret to being a great husband is. Bill said you just take it day by day. Howard asked if he fights with his wife. Bill said sure they do. Howard asked what their last fight was about. Bill said he doesn't know. Bill said he never does anything wrong.
Howard asked Bill if he still masturbates. Howard said he does. Bill said that what happens is that you need more than that. He said at least he does. Howard asked if he's talking about Viagra. Bill said not that. He doesn't use that at all. Howard asked if he smokes weed. Bill said he did in the past. He said it's illegal though. Howard said that not everywhere.
Howard asked if he voted for Obama. Bill said that he thinks Obama is great. He said Romney might have been good. He said you vote for the individual. Howard asked him to get back to masturbation. Bill said you need more and you need the person. Howard asked if he looks at porn. Bill asked if Howard gets stimulated by that. Howard said he does. Howard said he watched some taboo hand jobs the other night. Howard said he liked that. Howard explained what it was all about. Howard said that Bill is looking at him like he's an alien. Howard said his dad won't talk about this with him. Bill said that he thinks it's great and he should be doing that. He said the more you stimulate yourself the more you enjoy it. Bill said it should never stop. He said you should be doing it on your death bed. Howard said he doesn't believe that he doesn't do it. Bill said years go by. Howard said there's hope for him then. Howard said he wants to stop. Howard said George Takei masturbates frequently. Bill said he didn't want to hear that.
Howard gave Bill some plugs for the books and the DIY Network show ''The Shatner Project'' and more. Howard said he's got so much going on. Bill said that he's doing the one man show too. Bill said he's going to be in Morristown, New Jersey with the one man show in January. He thought it was going to be in New york. Howard said he was going to see it until he heard it was in Morristown.
Howard said Bill had some big hit shows. Howard asked if he's going to do any more TV shows. Bill said that he has been in talks. He said that he's not sure he wants to do another 9 to 5 job. bill said he did the DIY Network show and that was great fun. He said he's having joy doing all of this. He said he's still doing the Priceline.com thing too.
Howard said that some guys lose the timber in their voice when they get older but Bill still sounds young. Bill said he worries about losing his energy and his life force. He said that he broke his leg 3 months ago on a horse. Howard said he has to stop with the horses. Bill said in the 6 weeks he was healing he had to go make appearances. He said that he was in great pain and popping Vicodin. He said he managed to do that in 6 weeks and he was healed. He said he wanted to get back on the horse. He said that got him motivated to get better. Howard said he had to drink him in and just look at him. He told him to stay quiet while he looked at him. Bill didn't stay quiet.
Howard gave Shatner some more plugs for his many projects and thanked him for coming in. Howard asked if he had anything to say to his audience. Bill said this guy Howard Stern is beautiful. Howard said Bill is handsome. Bill told him to stop masturbating. Howard told him to give his love to Dr. Oz and tell him to knock it off with the psychic bullshit. Howard went to break. They played a Jack and Rod Show bit as they were going to commercial.
Howard said they had Russell Brand on the show the other day and he said he was attracted to Wendy Williams but he didn't have her name right. Howard said that she seems interested though. Howard said that she talked about that on her show. Howard played the clip of Wendy talking about a friend telling her about Russell being on Howard's show talking about her. She played a clip from Howard's show where they had the discussion. Wendy said that she's very flattered. She invited Russell to come over and do her show.
Howard asked what she meant when she said she's married but she's not dead. Howard said it sounds like she'd fuck him. Robin said it did sound like she was interested. Howard played another clip of Wendy talking about how she invited Russell over and his people called and he'll be there in a few weeks. Robin said that should be interesting. Howard said they should just fuck in front of the audience. Howard said Wendy looks like she's up for a party. Howard said he's sure that he won't wear a condom. She's over 50 and she can't get pregnant.
Howard said Wendy mentions him so much that he has to stay tuned. Howard played another clip of Wendy talking about her fear of Ebola. She's not shaking hands or even fist bumping. Robin said over in Africa they're not even hugging. Robin said she thinks we should go to the bow. Howard said that's a great culture over there. Howard said they should do that.
Howard said he heard a clip from the Doug and Wolf show and he's never heard of them. Howard said they got so pissed off at each other on the air that they almost came to blows. Howard said they talk about sports and get into arguments about that. Howard played the clip and the guys were talking about something they did. Then they told each other to shut up. They sounded like they were about to go at it. Then there was some silence and one of the guys said that if he wanted to punch him then he should do it. Howard said that must have been comfortable when the mic went off. Howard said he loves when people fight. He said especially when it's over something really stupid. Howard said the one guy sounds like hot head. Fred said he read the guy was a football player. Howard said their ratings would be huge if they fought all the time.
Howard said people are wondering where Casey Kasem is. Howard said he has another update. Casey was on the line saying that he's in New York City and he's dead, rotting and smells like a sewer but not one person has stopped and stared at him. Howard said he's been dead for 4 months and he's still not buried.
Howard said he has a couple more random things to get to before the news. Howard said Robin has to go read Beth's book today. Howard said she's going to be doing the audio book for the book about their cat Yoda called ''Yoda: The Story of a Cat and His Kittens''.
Howard said that he loves the stories about celebrity celulite in the gossip magazines. He said they always have Pierce Brosnan's wife who is gigantic. Howard said they can't say that but they just introduce her in a bathing suit. Howard said she's a large lady. Howard said the people buying that magazine are older and they see that this woman got Pierce Brosnan. Howard said he thinks they beat off to pictures of people with celulite. Howard said he's a good looking dude and he stays with her.
Howard took a call from a guy claiming he was Eric the Actor calling from the grave. The guy did an impression of Eric that sort of sounded like Eric. Howard said he was too fast and too articulate with his impression. Fred said he sounds too healthy. Fred did his impression and tried to teach him how to do it. Howard told him to work on it for a couple more days and call back.
Howard said he has a Baba Booey from a news report. Howard played the clip and this woman was doing a report on the street and the guy walked by yelling out Baba Booey. The reporter sped up and tried to drown him out. Howard went to break after that. They played a prank call Sal made to a pizzeria trying to place an order as if he were at a train station with trains going by.
Howard came back and said he's never heard that song. Fred said it's a new one. He said that it was loaded in their system there. Howard said it's pretty good. He said he likes those guys. Howard said he still likes ''Glorified G'' the best. Howard said he was listening to that over the weekend. He said he's been listening to a lot of music on the weekends lately. Robin said she's upset with music lately. She said she's been very excited about things coming out and she doesn't think she even owns a CD player at this point. Robin said she wants to listen to some albums. Howard said he listens to Sirius or Spotify. Robin said she wants to listen to albums.
Howard played a clip of Joey Boots doing a Booey Bomb on FOX Business. Howard said that Joey asked why he doesn't play them anymore so he has to play one. Howard played the clip and Joey was out on the street yelling ''Baba Booey... Howard Stern's penis!'' at the top of his lungs. Howard said he has such a loud voice. Howard said he's louder than the siren going off behind him.
Howard played a clip of Keith Olberman trying to speak over an alarm going off in his studio. Howard said they had to do something about the alarm that goes off in their studio all the time. Howard said they had to block it off with a heavy door in the studio. Howard said he had to ask them to stop doing the alarm at certain times.
Howard played a clip of a news reporter choking on the air during a report. Howard said he loves that they're talking about Ebola in this clip. He said the reporter sounds like she has it. Howard said he thought that was funny.
Howard said it was time for Robin's news. They played her in with a song parody. Howard said that was nice. Robin wondered why the news has to go long. Howard said that's so the guy can play with his shlong. Howard told her she knows. Howard said she's been around the block.
Howard said with all of the fire drills there in the building he doesn't know what to do. Howard said it's like the boy who cried wolf.
Robin started off talking about TV shows asking Howard if he's watching The Walking Dead. Howard said he is. He said he and Jon Hein spoke about it this morning. He said they talked about Boardwalk Empire and The Walking Dead. Howard said he loves Boardwalk Empire this season. Howard said it's fantastic. Robin said she doesn't like the way it's going. Howard said Homeland is excellent too. Howard said they got rid of all of the shitheads and now it's great. Howard said it's very strong. Robin said she lost her enthusiasm for the show last season and she's still not into it. Howard said he knows people watch these shows at different times. Howard said he won't spoil anything for anyone. Robin said that they did a study and found that spoilers are simply a fact of life at this point. Robin said that if you delay it then you're going to be disappointed. Howard said Jon Hein is the best guy to talk to. He said he watches so much TV he's beginning to look like a couch. Robin said when he dies they'll just sit on him. Howard said Jon doesn't move from that TV. He said he's completely caught up.
Robin read a story about another Sharknado coming. Robin said Sharknado 3 will be coming on the east coast. Howard said the movie isn't a hit but people talk about it. He said people just talk about it even though they've never seen it. Howard said he hasn't seen one yet. Robin said it's kind of addicting. She said you have to see the cameos. Howard said the effects are so bad in it that he can't watch. Howard said The Walking Dead has such great effects. Howard said that Sharknado is just bad. Robin said it's all bad. Howard said they keep making them though. Robin said that's because they get attention. Robin said that's the only movie getting attention on SyFy.
Howard asked if Benjy is in the next Sharknado. Benjy said he has been in talks over Twitter. Howard told him to be straight with him and say if he's in it or not. Benjy said that he's not definitely in it but he will bet him he will be.
Robin read a story about a rapper named Nipsy Hustle. Howard said he loves that name Nipsy. Robin had Howard play some of his music.
Robin said she pulled some Phish music and had Howard play some of their songs. Howard played one song and said it sucked after a few seconds. It got better as it went along but Howard cut it off. Howard played another song and liked the starting riff. Howard said their songs start out pretty good. Howard said he likes that Ronnie has more followers than Phish does. He said he's serious about that too. Howard said he has to get his band together. He played another Phish song and it just didn't do anything for him. Howard said that David Lee Roth was so good with coming up with songs. He said Eddie came up with great riffs and then David did his thing. Howard said these guys just don't have that. Fred said that he didn't like it. He said that it's been done and it's been done better by Frank Zappa and The Grateful Dead. Howard said it's no wonder everyone is in the parking lot and not in the venue listening. Gary said that he's going to get a flood of emails saying that they played the wrong songs.
Howard said he got a note saying that Steve Brandano is having a fit out there because he's a fan of Phish. Steve came in and said that he's not flipping out that much. He said there were people who loved those other bands but they're not around. He said now they have Phish. Howard asked if Steve is getting laid. Steve said he is. He said they should play some of their covers of Day in the Life and things like that. Fred said he didn't see that one but he did have a cover of ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' Howard said he'll check that out. Fred played that. Fred said the vocals suck on these songs. Howard said Steve has camel toe going on. Steve said he and John Hamm have that problem. Howard said he should get a band together and play this.
Howard told Steve to get out of there. He said he has bad taste. Steve didn't leave. Fred played another cover song that Phish did. They covered Sweet Jane. Howard said at least they cover great songs. Howard said they sound like a bad cover band. Fred played another song they covered. This was Led Zeppelin's ''Good Times, Bad Times''. That wasn't so great either. Howard said it makes him want to hear some Led Zeppelin. He said they took the balls out of that song.
Robin read a story about Monica Lewinsky coming back and fighting cyber bullying. Howard said he's all for that. Robin said this is the first public speaking she's done in years. Robin had some audio of Monica talking about how she was bullied. That led to Howard doing his Bill Clinton voice for a few minutes. He was telling stories about Cuban cigars and things like that.
Robin read a story about Oscar Pistorius and the sentence he got for killing his girlfriend. Howard was still doing his Bill Clinton voice during that.
Robin read a story about George Clooney's new wife and the new title she has. Robin said she has been named the most powerful woman in London. Robin read about the list of powerful people she's on. Howard said that was a good move. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Jay Leno being at the Kennedy Center to receive an award. Howard did his Jay Leno impression during that story. Robin said Jimmy Fallon was there with Seth Meyers and a bunch of other people who toasted Leno. Robin said the special will air on PBS on November 23rd.
Robin read about a porn star who was possibly exposed to HIV and how they're saying that certain ''performer pools'' were not affected. Robin said these are people.
Robin read about Tori Spelling being put in a hospital over the weekend. Howard said that she was too ill to fly and she was supposed to be on the show on Monday. Robin said she was quarantined over the weekend when she showed similar symptoms to Ebola. Howard said it would be funny if they wrote a bit about E-Bobo where you move to Florida and turn stupid or something. Robin said that she had bronchitis.
Robin said Google is predicting a Frozen night on Halloween. Robin said they think that many people will dress up as characters from that movie. Fred played a clip of Sal saying he's a turtle.
Robin read a story about the NBC cameraman who was stricken with Ebola and how he's getting better and may be out of the hospital soon. Howard asked what the symptoms are. Robin said they're like cold symptoms.
Robin read a story about the NY Marathon coming up soon and how many of the runners come from Africa. Robin said they are watching closely to see what happens over there. Robin had some audio of an official talking about the runners they have in the marathon and how they're not coming from infected areas.
Howard asked Fred about this clip he plays of a guy saying ''Ah buig li ari dah, ah ya gail mu, ah mugee bugalia.'' Howard said he was listening to it the other day and he has the whole interview Stuttering John did with the guy. Howard said it's really interesting. Howard said he could listen to High Pitch and Elephant Boy all day too. Howard played the clip and the guy was asked to say ''Happy black history month'' in his native language. That's when he said ''Ah buig li ari dah, ah ya gail mu, ah mugee bugalia.''
Robin read a story about Pope Francis asking bishops to take a more lenient view of gay people. Robin said that conclave ended with a rejection of that. Robin said the pope floated it to the bishops and they rejected it.
Robin read about people in Indiana who think they might be forced to marry gay people. Robin said there is a couple that owns a wedding chapel and they are saying that gay marriage is against their first amendment rights. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said no one is going to marry you if you're against gays.
Robin read about how a republican candidate in South Carolina is comparing gay people to gremlins. Howard said we have a really long way to go in this country. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a man who was arrested for possibly killing someone. Robin said he started talking and he led the police to other bodies of people he had killed. Robin said only one of the victims had been reported missing. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that case.
Robin read a story about the World Series getting under way tonight. That led to Howard goofing on Richard for not changing his shirt until the series is over.
Robin read about how many iPhone 6's have sold. Howard said he loves the big one he has. Howard said Ralph makes fun of him for that. Howard said he still uses his iPad mini but Ralph figured he wouldn't because they were close in size.
Robin read about an airbag recall that's going on and how many vehicles are affected. Robin said that the igniter for the airbag could send shrapnel into the car if they go off.
Robin read a story about an increase in vasectomies. Robin said they say it's because of the great recession the country is having.
Robin read about how U2 is going to be going on tour but haven't given any details on that yet. Robin had some audio of Bono talking about how it will be a very special tour. Howard said he had some audio of Bono answering a question about why they forced their album on people. Howard said he was excited about it. He said he got a free album and he was happy with that. Robin said people were upset that it ate up space. Howard said then you just delete it. Howard played the clip and Bono was asked to never release an album that automatically downloads. Bono said they got carried away with themselves. He said artists are like that. He said it was a touch of generosity and a dash of self promotion. Bono said they were hoping to be heard and they got a little noisy themselves. Howard said it's an insult that people would rather have nothing than a free album. Gary said Jason was saying that it was more than just taking up space. There were other issues with deleting other items as well as the album. Howard said they probably got a ton of dough for that. Howard said he never did get it. Fred said he did. He said he hasn't been a fan of theirs for years. He said he thinks they've gone down hill. Howard said that happens. He said it's the way of the world.
Robin said the Smashing Pumpkins have a new album coming out soon. Robin said the Foo Fighters do as well. Howard said he wishes Apple had given that one away for free.
Robin read that fashion designer Oscar De La Renta has passed away. Robin said he has been battling cancer for the past 8 years.
Robin read about the movie Gone Girl and someone mentioned that NPH was great in it. She said she didn't know they were talking about Neil Patrick Harris. Robin wrapped up after that and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said they have a lot to talk about today. Jon said he wanted to start off with Hannibal Buress. Jon said he's a mellow guy but he's very funny. He said he'll go places that other guys won't go. He said he talked about that Cosby thing. Gary said that Cosby will call you up if you say something about him. Gary said that you just do what you do and then they do what they do. Gary said even if it's the wrong way to do something there's no reason for Cosby to tell someone how to do something. Gary said he did that to Wanda Sykes. He said he is in disagreement with Howard about Cosby in the 70s. He said he thinks that he was a great stand up. He said he thinks he's lost it now but back then he was great. Jon said he thought so too. He said that he was great back then.
Jon said Sal is joining them and he is down there for a different reason. Sal said he agrees with Jon and Gary on Bill Cosby. He said if you want to see great stand up there is nothing that comes close. Gary said he thought about going to see him on Long Island. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to see a 70 year old Bill Cosby.
Jon said Sal is in there because during the Shatner interview Howard asked Shatner how he felt about death and he said he thinks about it all the time. He said he got a text from Sal. Sal said that he thought it was nice that he was curious about Teresa Caputo. Sal said he's not just a kook. He said that Teresa doesn't do things they way Howard thinks she does. Gary asked what she has done for him. Sal said he's never asked her to do anything but once she did something about his family in Italy that no one knows.
Jon said Howard and Robin don't believe in it but Sal is biased because he's friends with the Caputos. Sal said that's fair to say. Sal said it's healthy to be skeptical. He said that he wishes that Howard would sit one on one with her or a family member. Gary said Howard won't even sit one on one with Sal. Jon said he knows that Howard won't do it. Sal said he just wants to change Howard on this one topic. He said he thinks Howard is spiritual and he thinks this would lead to him becoming more spiritual. Sal said he thinks that would work. Sal said he has always been looking into this and he has read about other mediums before he knew about Teresa. He said he thinks that she's the best of all the mediums he's seen. He said she's the real deal.
Gary asked if she ever goes out to dinner and tells him not to tip a waitress because she's about to die. Sal said he joked about something once and Teresa told him that the person he joked about reacted to the joke. Sal said the person who passed away was a guy who had a big butt and he died. He said he joked about his big butt not saving him in an accident. Sal said Teresa knew this guy as well and she said he responded. Sal said she may have felt bad about saying something about the deceased.
Jon asked Sal about seeing Teresa in action and if there's anything that he can say to prove that she's doing something. Sal said she doesn't wear an ear piece. She doesn't have a crew in the audience. He said he's been back stage and he's seen people walk in late and walk in early. He said he's seen her climb balconies and things. He said that it's not ''I see the letter M...'' Jon said he's not questioning her. He said that he's wondering if she has said anything to him personally. Sal said she had some stuff about his family in Italy that no one knew. Gary said until he gets tomorrow's lottery numbers he's not going to believe it. Sal said that when someone passes on they aren't going to know the future lottery numbers. Sal said it's their job to enlighten you spiritually.
Sal said he likes to do this stuff even if he's completely wrong. Jon said you can't be proven wrong or right. He said it's just what you believe. Jon said he doesn't think that he could convince Howard. Sal said he might look at things differently if he sat down with Teresa.
Gary asked why Houdini was never able to come through with a medium. Gary said that he said he was going to find a way to come through and no one was ever able to get that code word.
Jon asked Gary how he tires to turn Howard. Gary said he has been trying to turn him on to Bruce Springsteen since the 80s. He said now he's sort of into him.
Gary said that some of them aren't that religious but they are spiritual. Gary said that people want to believe.
Jon said he sees Ronnie laughing over there. Ronnie said he was listening in and he went through the whole thing over the weekend. He said he went to a haunted house in Pennsylvania. He said they got a private tour of this house with a medium. He said they were trying to show him people standing in doorways and stuff. He said this woman was recording with a tape recorder and asking questions. Ronnie said you hear these weird sounds and stuff. Ronnie said it kind of sounded like something. Ronnie said he had something on his shoulder. Sal said it must have been an orb. Sal said that it can be interpreted as an angel. He said in some cases it's not real. He said there are times when it's an orb. Jon said when Sal explained that it was the most clear explanation of anything he's ever heard.
Sal said that energy can't be destroyed, it can only be transformed. Sal said that's why spirits come through electricity. He said that it's the energy of a spirit.
Jon said he thinks that people see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. He said it's all left up to interpretation. Sal said there are things you just don't have the answer for. He said if you believe in an afterlife then Teresa has a way of proving it. They went to break after that.
Gary said Michael is an amazing addition to the league. He said that he came in and took off on Lisa Ann right away. He said they love having him in the league. Michael said he doesn't get a response though. He said that he wants to know when a porn star doesn't respond to trash talking. Gary said that he misses a lot of the bullshit in the office there. He said the digs start off camera in the office first thing Monday. Michael said this is his first year of Fantasy. He said that Matt Berry said that the way he drafted was really good. He said that to his face. He said that was after he kicked his ass.
Michael said his 12 year old kid picked the team this season. Jon said his team is doing well too. Jon said no one is talking shit because he's doing so well. Michael said he still doesn't get why no one talks shit. Gary said he had to go to bed at half time. He said he got up in the middle of the night when he looked at the scores and saw that he beat Michael.
Michael said that he likes the league because he watches more games than he would usually. He said that JD and Will were fun in it. He said JD will engage in the trash talk a little bit. Michael said that Scott tells him not to talk shit. He said it's fantasy football and that's what the brought him in for. Michael said he has to pay Jason his league fees too. Michael said he wants an envelope of something. Gary said they're going to plug his 30 For 30 special. Jon said he saw about half of it. He said he was at about 1972 or so. Michael asked what kind of shit show organization is this.
Jon said that Michael is in the movie and he put himself in it because he directed it. Jon asked why he did that. Michael said he didn't want to be in it at all. He said he wanted to use a narrator. He said he thought it would be weird to have a narrator and him in it. He said he's just trying to do the best thing for the movie.
Jon said he has the balls to ask the Bill Russell question to everyone. Michael explained that to the guys and why he has it in the film.
The guys were talking about punishments, the trophy and all of that too. I'm sorry but I zoned out during this segment. I rarely do that but I totally lost interest and just stopped typing for a few minutes. They took a break after wrapping up with Michael Rapaport.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when Sal started making sense because that doesn't make sense. Sal said him making sense almost doesn't make sense. Jon said they're getting really deep now. Jon said Sal likes to study things a lot and he's very definitive about things. Jon said that Sal knew what an orb was and he sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Sal said he likes to see both sides of this. He said it lets him look at things more objectively. Gary said Sal plays both sides of the thing.
Sal asked if Bill Russell is black. He mentioned that during the Rapaport discussion and asked if he was black. Gary said he was right this time. They asked Sal about some other people named Bill and he was guessing based on their last names.
Jon said early in the show Howard played some Wolfie interviews. He said Howard played the song that ICP wrote about him. He said he enjoyed that. Sal said that was great.
Jon asked Mike Hambrick to give them his rundown for today's Howard 100 news. Mike ran down a few headlines they had coming up today. Mike mentioned one thing they had coming up with Sal being asked about retirement. Jon asked if he has a retirement plan. Sal said he's preparing for his retirement but he doesn't have a plan to retire. He said he is lining his ducks for retirement.
Mike ran down a few more headlines and got in a plug for today's Leiberman Live. Jon said that they have some good stuff coming up on Sternthology today as well. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show listening to the Great American Nightmare opening theme song. Howard moved on to talk about sitting there for the next 4 hours baby sitting everyone. Howard said Eric Andre is going to be coming in today. He said he watched his very funny talk show spoof. He said that he is anxious to have him in there. He said he had some fun around there yesterday and they'll let everyone in on that when he gets there.
Howard said Howie Mandel will be in today too. He said yesterday he was so crabby that he decided not to go back to America's Got Talent. Then he got some sleep and said that he thinks he can handle it. Howard said he still doesn't know himself enough to know if he can do that show or not. He said the scale is tipped one way or the other but he gets stuck in the middle somewhere. Howard said he doesn't know which way to go. Robin said he has total choice. Howard said he needs someone to make the choice for him. He said he's willing to give that to someone to make his choice. Howard said his mommy used to do that for him.
Howard said he was watching Robin with his wife yesterday. It wasn't a lesbian thing. He said they were recording the audio book for Beth's book about their cat Yoda. Howard said Beth told him that she did an incredible job. Howard said Robin made her cry. Robin said that's wonderful. She said she wanted to make Beth happy. Howard said she's triumphant once again Howard had Fred play her news theme songs while he was talking about her triumph.
Robin said she's excited about how kids can follow along the words with the book now. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said they underline each word and the kids can recognize the words. Howard said he didn't know they were doing that. Howard said that's fuckin' cool.
Howard said he just hopes none of the perverts in the audience buy the book and jerk off to the audio of Robin talking. Fred played some beating off sounds and Robin's theme songs again. Howard said Scott the Engineer was in the studio with Robin.
Howard said Casey Kasem's corpse is still being moved around. Howard had him on the phone from Peru. He said he might be dead but he's not crazy so he won't be taking Ayahuasca while he's down there.
Howard said Leiberman Live is taking the country by storm. Howard said that Jon Leiberman hosts the show on Howard 101 at 4:45pm. Howard said that it's second to none. He said they had Asian Pete on the show yesterday and he was either the worst or the best guest ever. Howard said he only had one word answers. Howard said he's funny though. Howard played some of the audio of Leiberman talking to Pete and asking him questions. Pete was only saying yes or no to his questions. Robin said Jon just gets louder and louder as he's talking to him. Howard said they had to cut the show down to 15 minutes because Jon was blowing his voice out from talking so loud.
Howard said later in the show Alex Jones was on the show and he kept calling Nicole Bass a man. Howard said he didn't know it was actually a woman. Howard played some of the audio of Jones calling her ''sir'' during the show. Howard said Nicole eventually told him that she's not a sir. Howard said it couldn't have been funnier. Howard said he was being sincere. He said he wasn't just goofing on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Eric Andre's show is the best to watch on acid. Howard said enjoyed it straight as an arrow. The caller said it all comes together when you're on acid. Howard said he'll pass that along. Howard said that's actually an insult to say you have to be on acid to watch a show. Howard asked what show is bad on acid. He said everything should be good on acid. Howard said he needs acid on this show sometimes.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about why so many Phish fans are sensitive. Howard said they were goofing around with the band and he's never gotten so many critical emails. Howard said they were all about how they suck and Phish is great. Howard read through some of those emails.
The caller said he thinks that the band has some parallels with Howard's career. Howard said he's fine with that and he can appreciate that people like them. Howard went through some other emails about his comments about Phish. Howard asked why anyone cares what his opinion of the band is. The caller said he doesn't think he needs all of the drug stuff to enjoy the band. Howard read more email from Phish fans who were upset with him.
Howard said someone said that the band has been on Letterman 9 times in the past 20 years. Howard said that's fine. The caller said that they're an innovative band. Howard asked why anyone cares about what he thinks of the band. He said that he has to get out of this conversation.
Howard let the caller go and read through more of the email and said they got more negative stuff than positive. Robin said she's glad to hear about that. She said she didn't think that they could do anything after all the drugs they do.
Gary said Steve was telling him that this was blowing up all over the boards yesterday. He said there are some people who want them on the show but there are others who don't because they don't want them blowing up. Howard said there was a lot of that with Cream fans back in the 60s. Howard said they didn't want them getting too big. Howard said Steve is one of the Phish fans there.
Howard said Howie Mandel is coming in today. Howard said he's there for a meeting with Ronnie but he's going to pop in and say hi. Howard said they make TV deals together. Howard said that they have to find out about the Ronnie strip club show.
Howard said he was impressed that Hanzi said he goes and gets an atlas and compares his cum stains to countries on a map. Howard said that he lives in his parent's basement and he's in his 30s. Howard said they probably had a vision of this kid looking something up on an atlas. Howard said then he tries to find a country that looks like his cum stains.
Howard said he mentioned yesterday that JD and Hanzi are alike in many ways. He said that Hanzi and JD are both overweight, mumble and they both cum in their shirts. Howard wondered if JD's girlfriend would be attracted to Hanzi. He said Hanzi is JD without the spoon collection. Howard said they may never know since they haven't met JD's girlfriend. Robin said she likes it that way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Richard Christy is fucked up asking those questions. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about. The caller asked what the weirdest sexual request he's ever had from a fan or a celebrity. Howard said he hasn't had anything weird. He said he hasn't had sex with a fan. He said he did an appearance once and this hot chick walked in with a biker dude and she did come on to him and said she wanted to fuck him. Howard said then the guy came in and he was like ''oh shit.'' He said there was no one there at the appearance. Howard said the guy comes out and he said he was cool with him fucking the chick if he wanted to because they were fans. Howard said that would have been a freaky scene. Howard said he didn't even say he waned to watch. Howard said he could have just fucked her and there wouldn't have been any repercussions.
Robin asked if it had to be right then. Howard said he was scared out of his mind. He didn't get into it any further. The caller asked if he could keep him on hold so he could listen to the rest of the show. Howard said yes but he wondered what that's all about.
Howard said he has tape of this dad being into this game Angry Birds. He said his son fucked with his game and the dad ends up going off on the kid. Howard said the dad is so pissed off he doesn't know what to do. Howard said the son deleted the game or something. Howard played the clip and the dad was yelling at the kid calling him a fucking idiot and told him to fix it. The mom is calling the kid an idiot too. He threatened to kick the kid out of the house if he didn't fix it.
Howard said he's never played Angry Birds. Robin said it's a huge game but she's never seen it played or played it. Howard said maybe it's time to give it up if you're that into it. Howard said he had to give up chess because of that.
Howard asked JD about playing Angry Birds. JD told Howard about playing it and how you can find videos on YouTube that show you how to beat the levels. Howard asked if they have games against other people. JD said that guy was yelling about being in a summer tournament. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back while the song was playing and asked if they enjoyed that. Robin said it was good. Howard said Howie Mandel stopped by. He said he's having a meeting with Ronnie today. Howie came in and said that he listens daily and but he did hear about the conversation they had about Ronnie and what they could do with him on the TV show. He said he was pulled out of a meeting to hear that and he was laughing at that stuff.
Howard said Howie has people around him all the time. Howard said he's always got people around him. Howard said he hears constant partying over there. He said he hears Howie talking so much and he worries about his voice.
Howard said he got a call from Howie saying he wanted to make a TV show. Howard said he said he wanted to do a TV show with Ronnie where he's go to strip clubs and fix them up. Howard said he thought he was being prank called. Howard said he didn't want to fall for it. Howard said he figured it had to be a joke. He said there is no show in that.
Howie said he lives in his own world. He said his dad owned a club in Stratford, Ontario. He said that it's known for their Shakespearian expo. He said his dad opened a strip club there. Howie said he made money from the bar. Howie said he was there as a kid. He said his father had a sense of humor and he thought it was hysterical to have a 350 pounds stripper named Princess Glow. He said she would take a bubble bath and then three stage hands would take her out of the tub and she'd walk through the audience dropping her tit on men's heads. He said this is what his dad brought to that town.
Howard said he isn't kidding about that either. Howard said he remembers seeing a woman named Chesty Morgan or someone like that at a club and she'd twist her tits and do things like that. He said he remembers how crazy it seemed to be at the time even when he was on acid. Howard said there are clubs that know what they're doing and clubs that don't.
Howie said he did appearances at strip clubs in the 70s. He said he knew from playing the clubs that these places are businesses. He said they have families and his concept was this. He said after watching Bar Rescue and shows like that he figured Ronnie Mund was the every man's entrée into the clubs. He said they're family owned businesses. He said he thought he'd put Ronnie with a team and they'd go in and work on these clubs. He said they'd have a decorator and a restaurateur and people like that.
Howard said he heard this idea and he called Howie back and told him to go ahead with it but he wanted nothing to do with it. Howard said he thought it was nice of him to call him about it but it was his deal. Howard said he told Ronnie he was going to get a call and Ronnie thought it was great. Howard said they banged out a deal and worked it all out legitimately.
Howard said Howie said he was going to fly Ronnie out to have some pitch meetings. Howard said then Ronnie didn't hear from Howie for a while. He heard that Howie told him not to fly out. Howard said he figured he didn't have anyone to buy the show. Howard said he figured he was going to pitch the show and see if anyone was going to go for it.
Howie said he pitched the show idea to the people at William Morris, his agency. He said he was going to fly Ronnie out on his own dime. Howard asked how the agents reacted to that. Howie said they loved the idea. He said they know Howard and the show. Howard said he would have paid money just to see Ronnie in a pitch meeting.
Howie said he was going to fly Ronnie out to do this and then his agent called a couple of days later and told him that he seems to be more excited about it than most. Howie said he thought it would be interesting to see the family part of the business. Howie said they didn't think the strip club thing would work. Howie said it's just a business they're doing a makeover with.
Howard asked if he got one meeting. Howie said they told him it would be hard to get a meeting. Howie said he's not sure if he called Ronnie back or not. Howard said he sat Ronnie down and told him he's not going to get the call. He said there isn't any way the show is getting off the ground.
Howie said he has many shows and he's pitched the idea many times. He said he'd be in a meeting about a kid's show and he'd pitch the Ronnie thing to them. He said that they don't have to see nudity in the show.
Howard said he doesn't understand one thing about Howie. He said most of these comics do a one hour show for a network. Howard said Howie never does those specials. Howard asked why that is. Howie said he has done like 15 or 20 back in the day. Howie said he's not sure what it does for him. He said it's not a tremendous amount of money and your burn off a lot of material. He said he doesn't need to do it and there is no up side to doing it. Howie said he sells out wherever he goes. He said he's doing just fine without those specials.
Howie said Howard started a controversy in his life. Howie said this goes back 2 years ago. He said this was at the end of last season of America's Got Talent. Howie said he wanted to be a good team player and there is a tradition of buying gifts. He said he got Howard a really nice coffee table book of the history of Playboy. He said he got something for Nick and then for the girls he got something he thought was a nice thing. He said it was a silver tray in the shape of a flip flop. It might have been a candy dish or something. Howie said he didn't know what to give. Howard said he hates the gift giving thing for people at work. Howie said he does too.
Howie said he gave the gift back in his room at AGT. He said Howard gave him a gift and it was that Playboy book but Howard had drawn pictures on every page. Howard said he anted to show he put thought into it. Howie said he thought that was fucking great. Howie said it was very personalized. He said that is the coffee table book in his house. He said people spend hours going through it. Howard said he is thinking of putting out a book and doing that to sell to people. Howard said he and Howie should go into business on that.
Howie said he got that gift from Howard and he was in his dressing room. He said Mel B comes into the room holding the candy dish asking ''what the fuck is this?'' He said he thought it was a candy dish. She told him it was stupid and gave it back to him. Howard said he must have been insulted. Howie said that they were all giving him back his gifts. Howie said Mel gave her's back just opened. Howie said she thought it was stupid. Howard said she's very up front. Howard said not many people would say that. Howie said he thought that she drew on it like Howard did. He said she didn't do that. Howard said maybe they thought it was a joke gift. Howie said he didn't know. He said he thought he was giving shitty gifts that no one wanted.
Howie said he was embarrassed by this whole thing. He said he did put a lot of time and money and effort into this stuff. He said with Howard giving his back and Mel giving her's back he didn't think he could go through that again this season. He said he beat himself up over that. Howie said he was walking down the street in Manhattan and he saw they had a parakeet sale at a pet store. He said what he was going to do was do something that no one could mistake as anything but funny. He went into the store and asked the lady how many parakeets she had. Howie said they had like 50-100. Howie said he didn't think it was nice to give a pet as a present. He said he doesn't like caged animals but they were there. Howie asked what it would cost for her to fill up the truck and bring them to Radio City Music Hall and have a guy go around and present everyone with their gift. Howie said that no one was going to want them. Howie said that the woman could take them all back when they're done. Howie said he didn't want to be humiliated like he was last year.
Howie said they were doing the finale show and this little Hispanic man showed up in the truck. He said he was unloading cages of parakeets. He said that he had a 9 page list of rules he had to give to everyone. Howie said he thought this was really funny.
Howard said he walked into his dressing room and he was miserable. He said he walks in and bitches. He said Jason the producer walked in and told him they had to do something on the show. Howard said that he told him that Howie had gotten him a gift and he was going to hate it. Howard said he turned around and he saw the cage there. Howard said it was gift wrapped. He said the birds were fine though. He said it was open at the top. Howard said he asked what was in there and Jason told him it was a parakeet. Howard said he went into a tirade. Howard said Howie walked in with this guy who was giving him the rules. Howard said he demanded that they take the bird back to the pet store. Howard said he was yelling at this poor guy that Howie had hired. Howard said he knew Howie was out there giggling. Howard said he was so annoyed by that.
Howie said Nick's assistant took it and he was so serious. He said he had Pablo reading the rules to him and the assistant was writing it all down. He said that he told Pablo to tell the assistant that the birds can live up to 10 years and this one was 9 and a half years old.
Howard said Mel B was happy about the bird. She wanted to keep it. Howie said he wasn't thinking anyone would keep it. Howie said she came back asking if they had any extras. She wanted to keep two. Howie said he bought them for her. Howie said that Heidi wanted to take one too. Then Nick Cannon wanted to take one. He said none of the birds went back. He said he had to pay thousands of dollars for them. He said no one wanted birds but then everyone kept them.
Howard said that the birds aren't going to get fed. Howie said that Mel took 2 birds and he had to call the store saying that they had sold all of the birds. He said he had to tell them to send over food for them. Howie said that he thought this was a joke. Howie said Mel wanted the two birds and the show goes on. He said Mel is flying back with him and some other people with two birds on the plane. He said she brought them on the plane and she was for real keeping them. Howie said then they were informed that the flight attendant has a fear of birds. Howie said he thought this was all a joke. He said if your job description has the word flight in it you shouldn't be afraid of a bird. Howie said he felt bad for the birds because the shit was being flung all over the place. He said they were shitting outside the cage.
Howard said he guarantees the birds are dead. Howard said there's no way they can be taken care of. Howie said he doesn't want to hear that.
Howie said he flew back and all he heard was bird sounds. Howie said that was going on the whole 5 hour flight. Howie said the flight attendant didn't come out. Then Mel wanted to let the birds out in the plane. Howard said she's fucking crazy. Howie told her not to release them. Howard asked if she could just buy birds in California. Howie said it was two birds. He said this was the worst flight ever.
Howie said he finally lands and he doesn't get any sleep. Then on that following Monday he tells the story about the birds. Then he gets a call from his people saying that PETA was calling because they were upset with him over the whole bird thing. Howie said he wasn't going to give anything to anyone and this whole bird thing was a joke.
Howard took a call from Ralph who was there that day. Ralph said Howard was so upset that he would have thought that they threw the birds in a blender. Ralph said Howard was so annoyed. Howie said he tried to be nice two years ago and then it turned into this nightmare. He said that he's not sure how he ends up with a letter from PETA and a plane with bird shit all over the place. He said shit like this always happens to him.
Ralph said that Howie never stops. He said it's always like this. Ralph said that he never calms down. Howie said what Howard does is not normal. Howard said they're both on opposite spectrums of not being normal. Howard said he loves being alone and Howie doesn't. Howard said he doesn't want to be bothered. He said he just wants to sit quietly.
Ralph said they were at some venue and Howard just wanted to sit quietly and Howie kept walking past the room making noise. Howie said he's a grown man and he can't be told to be quiet. He said he just asks what time it is and he's told to shush. Howie said that he loves going to the Hollywood Bowl to see shows. He said he just saw Billy Joel there. Howie said he said to his wife that they could see the L.A. Philharmonic. He said his wife got dinner and the tickets. He said they went and sat in their box and the music starts. He said they have dinner and he said to his wife to give him a cookie. He said the person beside him said ''Shhh!'' Howie said he was incensed. He said he will never go back. Howie said he had a cookie and he was so incensed that he was making noise just to make noise. He said he'll never go back to that place.
Howard said he would never tell this story but he asked Howie to tell the story about the plane he has for flying out and how he bought a lot of people tickets to see Billy Joel. He said he got into a fight with Mel B over something. Howie said he has no problem talking about that.
Howard said that they don't all get along all the time. Howie said it's like brothers and sisters. Howard said Howie was pissed off though. Howie said he was. Howard said Mel B needed a good talking to and Howie did it. Howard said Howie has a deal to have a private jet. Howard said they fly him to New York and he's gracious enough to have Mel B and Heidi fly with him. Howard said that's nice of him to do that. Howard said he could be there alone if he wanted. Howard said he thought Howie was a nice guy to do that. Howard said Howie told him a story about being late to New York because he has to wait an hour or two for Mel B to show up. Howard said Howie will wait because he's nice.
Gary came in and told a story about Howard getting them on a private jet. He said he told them that it was leaving at 11 and he said that it wasn't leaving a minute later. He said that Howard was going to leave without Benjy who showed up at 10:58. Howard said Howie is nuts to wait.
Howie said that she is late a lot. He said he calls her Mel B Late. Howard said he wouldn't put up for that. Howard said he won't put up with lateness. Howard said he isn't fucking around there. Howard said that he told the producers that if she's late they should just go on. Howie said they haven't held up shooting but she has been late.
Howard said Howie came to him to talk to him when he was upset once. Howard said he loves upset people. Howard said Howie told him he had to get back to L.A. and he had a whole night planned. Howard said Mel wasn't around. Howard said Howie told him that he had to leave but Mel wasn't coming out of her trailer because she was upset. Howard said he told Howie to go in there and tell her to get her ass out there because he had to get out of there to fly home. Howard said he loves turmoil. He said that he did help though. Howard said Mel had her feet up on a table and Howie told him all of this. He said she had one eyelash on and she was in a robe. Howard said it was an hour late already and they had to shoot. Howard said Howie marched in and told Mel that he had to leave. He said Mel looked at him and told him to just leave. Howard said Mel told him to just leave and not stay. Howard said that's disrespectful. Howie said he can't just leave.
Howard said Howie then walks back to his trailer defeated. Howard said he tells him that she told him to just leave. Howard said he was trying to make sense of all of this. Howard said that it was disrespectful to Howie. Howard said Mel came out of the trailer and they weren't talking. Howard said Howie finally got angry with someone. Howie said it doesn't usually work when he gets angry. Howard said he turned to Mel and said that she's wrong and she can't be late because it's unprofessional. Howard said he told her that he flies her all over and it's wrong. Howard said she shrugged her shoulders. Howard said he loved that it was going to be so uncomfortable. Howard said he wanted to bring it up at the shoot. Howard said Howie was behaving himself at the taping and usually they have some fun talking but not this time. He said they just did their thing and got done taping. Ralph said that Mel finally came strutting out and Howie was all bummed out. He said she looked at Howie and said ''I thought you have to leave.'' Howie said that did happen.
Howie said he went to a restaurant once and he took his daughter out to dinner before she had her baby. Howard said Howie is a grandfather now. Howie said his son in law has a new app out today. He showed Howard what it does. He said it's called Memoji. He said you can put your face in Emojis. Howard said that looks like fun.
Howie said they went to dinner and they didn't have any reservations. He said he figured he could get in since he's a celebrity. He said the lady was a real bitch. He said that he asked if they had a table for four. There wasn't a soul in the place. He said that they didn't have reservations so the woman says she would see what she could do. Howie said that she set up a table for them. Howie said they set up a table right outside the men's room. He said that he thought it would be nice anyway. He said it was in Maui and they had no view of the ocean. Howie said the food was good but he kept getting a whiff of the bathroom. He said he didn't want to complain in a restaurant and get spit in his food. Howie said after an hour goes by he got mad. He said he was going to complain for the first time in his life. Howie said he wanted to get recognized so he was going to walk around and have someone see him. Howie said he got up and tried to get recognized. He said no one did. He said he went back and sat down. Then he got another whiff of urine from the bathroom. He said that he got up again and someone recognized him. Howie said this managerial looking woman sees him and recognizes him and asks if he is having a good time. Howie said he complained and the woman says she's so sorry for him. Howie said he felt good after doing that. He said that he felt good venting like that. Howie said they were walking out and he looks to the right and sees the woman sitting at a table eating with her husband and kids. He said she wasn't an employee there. He said he finally vents and it's not someone who works there.
Howard said Howie has this show called Deal With It. The show is starting Friday night on TBS. Howie said he has Nick Cannon on the show this Friday.
Howard asked when it will be appropriate to ask about Mariah. Howie said he did it when he flew with him recently. He said that they were renewing their vows every year and every marriage that does that ends up failing. Howard said he wanted to do that with Beth and she told him it's the kiss of death. Howard said he wrote Nick a note about what was going on and he said he would talk to him if he wanted advice. Howard said Nick didn't want to talk.
Howie said Nick is a professional. He said he does a great job on the show. He thinks it's a crime he hasn't been nominated for an Emmy. He doesn't talk about his personal life at work. Howard said he'd love to hear what's going on there. Howard said he thinks he's going to go on a mad tear and get a lot of pussy. Howard said he's not sure if he's coming back to AGT but he imagines a parade of broads.
Howard took a call from Mel B (The guys in the back playing clips) and she was telling Howard to shut up. They had her saying ''fuck you'' a lot. Howie said hi and she said ''fuck you'' to him too. Howard said this is getting ridiculous. Howie was arguing with the clips and told her to fuck off. Howard said that wasn't really her.
Howie said she's in England doing X-factor right now. He said she has a radio show in Australia too. Howard said he thinks that those birds are dead. Howie said he upset him saying that. He said he really loves animals and he won't buy gifts ever again... if he goes back to AGT. Howard said he doesn't have a good feeling about the birds. Howard said he could spend all day with Howie. Howard said that he loves the guy. Howard said he has to wrap up though.
Howard said Heidi is always telling him sex stories there at AGT. Howie said that she's very sexual. Howard asked what she tells him. Howie said he thinks he's just trying to get something out of him. Howie said you have to fly with her for 5 hours. Howard asked what she told him. Howie said she has some little fantasies going on. Howie said it's nice to hear. He said it's better than reading articles. Howard said he thinks that the relationship she's in with the 27 year old is going to end in disaster. Howard said the guy isn't going to marry her. Howard said he thinks she has real feelings for this guy. Howard said she told him that she is in love. Howard said that guy isn't going to stick with a 40-something year old. Howie said she's 41. Howard said he's going to break up with him and it's going to be devastating. Robin said she's a strong woman and she can get over it.
Howard asked what kind of fantasies she told Howie about. Howie said he can't say. He said that he got into trouble last time he was on. He said that they were in there to promote AGT and he got into trouble for saying the word ''cunt.'' Howard said Howie got in trouble over that. Howie said he tried to say that he was doing an English accent and trying to say ''can't.''
Howard asked why Heidi tells these sexual fantasies. Howie said they have discussions on the plane and they end up getting involved in that. Howie said he gets yelled at a lot more as a 60 year old than he did in the past. Howie said they wanted him to stop giving out his Twitter handle, @HowieMandel, on AGT. Howard said that it makes him look bad. Howie said he live tweets during the shows. Howard said he's jealous of him at times. He said he likes to hear what the audience is thinking.
Howard said he has a pet peeve with Howie. Howard said Howie will say to the kids on the show that they have a family with the people at AGT. Howard said he has to stop with that. Howard said that it's the worst family in the world. He said if they fuck up they throw them off the show. Howie said he believes in what he's saying. He said that he can disagree with him but he thinks that saying they have a family there is fine. Howie said Howard is assuming that he's going to be back. Howard asked if he is. Howie said he doesn't know. Howard said he has gotten a call from them. Howie said he hasn't yet.
Howie said if a kid says he was abandoned as a child he hasn't known any love. Howard said you can't say that they're his family. Howie said that AGT loves them and the audience loves them. Howard said he has to stop that. Howard said that's bullshit. Robin said Howie says a lot of things that never come true for these people. Howie said he thinks he's a word smith and he does a fine job. He said he's not going to change that.
Howard said it would be great to do a show where he walks into an orphanage and tells them they have a family and then just walks away. Howie said he could do that and call it ''Deal With It.'' Howard said that he can't do that anymore on the show. Howard said he knows Howie has to go brainstorm with Ronnie in the hall. Howard said he shouldn't give it up. He said he has to keep pitching the show. Howard gave him some plugs for ''Deal With It'' which is on this Friday night on TBS. Howard said Howie will be tweeting Heidi's fantasies later today @HowieMandel. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what song this is. Fred told him what it was. Howard said he loves those guys. Howard said he was talking to Howie and Eric Andre showed up. Howard said he hadn't heard of his show until they booked him on the show. Howard said it's sort of like Ali G but it's also a talk show. He said it's hard to describe.
Howard had Eric Andre come in. Eric said this is his first time ever doing anything. Howard said he's trying to figure out how to describe what they did up there yesterday. Howard told him to hold on while he talks to Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said that she thinks someone played a big prank on her yesterday. Howard said they did. Mariann asked him not to hang up on her. Howard did.
Howard said Eric was up there yesterday answering phone calls. Howard asked Eric if he hates talk shows. Eric said no. He said he hates cheesiness in talk shows. He said he's not a huge Jay Leno fan. Howard said Eric's show is on at 12:15 in the morning on Adult Swim. Eric said he likes that. He said it's the secret little thing that some people know about. Howard said they go right to the jokes and the show is only 11 minutes long. Eric said that's the way they want it to be.
Howard asked Eric if he's a tough guy. Eric said he's the hugest pussy in the world. He said he's black and Jewish and he says that he's 50 percent black and 150 percent Jewish. Howard said he saw the Seth Rogen segment he did and he was trying to figure out what he was. Eric said he has a joke about how his mom looks like Howard Stern. He said that his mom says that Howard is a very handsome man. Howard said that's the problem. He's a man. Eric said he's just joking around about that.
Howard said that Eric has said that if he and Robin had a kid that's what it would look like. Howie said they met around the right time to make that happen.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was being fucked around with yesterday. Howard said Eric was hanging around yesterday answering phones and Bobo was calling in. He said that Eric did this to him. Howard played a clip of Eric taking a call from Bobo and asking who that is. Bobo was getting upset with him for not knowing who he was. Eric was asking him how to spell it and things like that. Eric said this is a Florida number and they're not taking southern calls for a while. Bobo said that he knew there was a conspiracy. Eric said they were going to put him on hold for a couple of hours. Eric was jerking him around and said that he's not coming up in the databases he had to terminate the call.
Howard said Bobo has nothing but time to be on the phone. He said he has this arrogance about everyone knowing who he is. Bobo said that he always calls up and they know who he is. Howard said Bobo called in and left a voicemail getting all upset about that. Howard played that clip too and he was freaking out that someone didn't know who he was.
Howard said Bobo was pranked. Bobo said he's glad that Steve is okay. He said he thought he was kidnapped. Howard said Eric also fucked with Mariann from Brooklyn. Howard played that clip and Eric was saying that she wasn't coming up in their system. Eric asked her to turn her radio all the way up. then he said they had to terminate the call. Mariann said she was going to hang up on him. Howard said then Mariann calls back using another voice. She was calling as someone else. Howard played that clip and Mariann kept saying she wanted to talk to Howard. Eric put her on hold.
Howard said that Jeff the Drunk got upset with him too. Howard played that clip and Jeff demanded to talk to Howard right now. Eric said he's on the air. Jeff said ''No shit dickhead!'' Eric said he was going to have to put him on hold for like 45 minutes. Jeff said ''Fuck you dude!''
Howard said Mariann did a great voice there. Howard picked up on her again. They spent a minute with her and hung up on her again.
Howard said Eric has this show on Adult Swim. He asked how many they do. Eric said they do 10 per season. Howard said they do whacked out things that put his life in danger. Howard said he went to a MENSA meeting and he told them that he has a 400 IQ. Howard said he was wearing a suit of armour too. Eric said he thought that was going to be a complete dud but they freaked out and made it great.
Howard asked how many people work on that show. Eric said he has two partners who are genius directors. He said they have a writer's room where they have about 10 comedians. Howard said at one point he takes a microphone and puts it in some guy's pizza and it looks like he's going to kick his ass. Eric said that guy whipped out his dick and flapped it in his face. Eric said the guy actually whipped it out when he said he was going to suck it. Howard asked if they can show that on the show. Eric said they could but they wanted to keep the show moving.
Howard said Eric did a bit where he ran into a donut shop and he gets handcuffed and the cop makes out with him. Eric said it was a Jamaican place. He said that he's never done that before so that was the first dude he has ever Frenched. Howard asked what that was like. Eric said it was like Frenching a girl with a beard. He said he was into it. Howard said the reactions are the thing. Howard asked how many cameras they have. Eric said it's 3 or 4. Howard said they get such great coverage. Howard said that's what the comedy is. Howard said it's hard core stuff too. Howard asked if the guy he made out with is gay. Eric said he is. He said he's a great kisser too. Howard said he thought it was kind of sloppy. Eric said he would call it passionate.
Howard said Eric did this bit where they had Seth Rogen get into a Velcro suit and he smashes through a wall. Howard said that makes him crack up every time. Howard said it's kind of Three Stooges thing. Eric said that the Jackass guys and Sacha Baron Cohen are his influences. Howard said that his show is kind of like that but different too. Howard said it is its own thing.
Eric said that Howard is an influence too. He said he interviewed Easy E after the riots in Los Angeles. He asked if he remembers that. Howard said he remembers the riots and the station in Los Angeles telling him not to say anything because they were afraid of getting killed. Eric said that was one of the best interviews he's ever heard.
Howard asked how old Eric is. He said he's 31. Howard asked how long he's been doing comedy. Eric said he's been doing it 11 years. He said before he sold the show he was just barely scraping by. Howard asked about going to music school. Eric said he played upright bass. Howard asked what kind of band he was going to play in. Eric said he wanted to play bass. He said he can play bass guitar too. He said he was in a bunch of horrible bands. He said he was in a rap metal band in high school. Howard asked if he was in a band called ''I Love Abortions.'' Eric laughed and said that was the name of a song he had. Howard asked how that song goes. Eric said he's going to get so much hate mail over that. He said he gets enough of that. He said people want to murder him. He said people are just nuts.
Howard asked if he gets physically hurt a lot doing his show. Howard said at the start of his show is really funny and he must get hurt shooting it. Eric said he has fucked his ass up. He said he bashed through the table and smashed to the ground. He said he has two bulging discs in his spine already and he's always in pain. Howard asked if he ever thinks that he could be funny without doing that stuff. Eric said he might have to do that. Howard asked if he has the Johnny Knoxville state of mind where he just keeps doing it. Eric said he does think about getting another gig.
Howard asked if he ever injured his balls smashing into the desk on his show. Eric said he has. Howard asked if he's afraid of being racked with pain when he gets older. Eric said he thought that it would be cool to blow his brains out on live TV. Howard asked if he's suicidal. Eric said he's not but no one blows their brains out like that other than R. Budd Dwyer. Howard said he saw that and he hates that he did. He said he can't get it out of his head.
Howard told Eric about the shows he did at WWOR Channel 9. Howard said they did some wild stuff there. Howard said that they would sabotage the guests on that show. Howard asked if Seth knew what he was getting into. Eric said some of the guests do but 90 percent don't. Howard said Maria Menounos was on and she had no idea. Eric said she had zero idea. Howard said they were shocking her with an electroshock thing. Eric said they had to ask if they could zap her during the interview. Eric said she said something about being into bondage. He said the producers cranked it up to high when she was out on the stage.
Howard said Eric had someone on and he was puking and eating his own vomit. Eric said that was their first walk out. He said it was Loren Conrad. Eric said he had some fake vomit under his desk and she was talking to Hannibal and he put some in his mouth. Then he puked it and slurped it up. He said they aired her leaving but not the publicist freaking out on them.
Howard asked if they have a writing meeting to come up with the bits. Eric said they come up with gags they can do for anybody. He said then they apply those gags to the guests.
Howard said there's a bit they do where they're in a museum and they crash and smash the whole museum. Howard asked where that happened. Eric said they rented out a gallery space and had an art show. Eric said they cast some seat filler people that they hired.
Howard asked if he's ever shot anything that they weren't allowed to air. Eric said that Carmen Electra almost didn't let them air her segment. He said she refused to sign a release until they were done. Howard asked if he's ever turned down anything that was too hard core for him. Eric said not really.
Howard asked if the producers ever warn him that they could get killed. Eric said they do have those discussions a lot.
Howard said when Mel B was on he grabbed her tits. Eric said that he did and they felt great. He said she was an awesome guest. He said she got that they were just being fuckers. Howard said the more popular the show gets the harder it will be to shock people. Eric said he feels like Sacha Baron Cohen did that movie of his because of that.
Howard asked Eric about doing the show and why he thinks he wasn't able to get acting jobs. Eric said he had a tough time getting through auditions and things. Howard said he seems to natural. Eric said he has had anxiety his whole life. Howard asked if he knows where that comes from. Eric said it might be from the Judaism. He said his parents got divorced when he was like 13. Howard said maybe he just thought he wasn't going to make it like his parents did. Eric said that he went to a music school so he never learned to act. He said they think if you're a stand up they think you can just start acting.
Eric said he was going to pop a Viagra and ride the Sybian. He said he was hoping to do that but he forgot to take the Viagra. Howard said he will have to get rid of that boner. Eric said he thinks even if you beat off it still pumps. Howard asked to see the pill. Eric said he wanted to split it with Howard. Howard said he's never tried one. He said he's afraid of them. Eric said he has anxiety and he wonders how it will affect him. Howard asked if he's going to fuck him or just ride the Sybian. Eric said he was thinking of taking Ex-lax and Viagra. He said he's not sure if he should cut it in half. Howard said he really doesn't know. Robin said it may take 20-30 minutes to get into his system. Eric said he'll see what happens. He popped the pill and Howard said he just got hard. Howard wondered how long it will take.
Howard said he has more questions while they wait for the Viagra to kick in. Howard said that he must be a tremendous failure in his father's eyes. Eric said his dad is proud of him. He said his dad can't watch his show all the way through though.
Howard asked Benjy to take a finger from Eric. Benjy said he took Viagra once when Bill O'Reilly was on the show. He was going to jerk off in the studio at the same time he was there. Eric said they did that on their show. He said they had a dildo and one of the guys was pretending to jerk off to a wrestler. He said they were going to have Buck Angel on the show. Eric said they were going to have Buck and a chick with a dick fuck each other off camera. He said the lawyers said they couldn't do that though. Eric said he was going to try to take a shit on his desk during an interview. He said he took a shit right before the interview because he forgot about it.
Howard said one of his favorite bits he did was when he was in a restaurant sitting alone and this woman comes running in and screaming at him. He said she breaks a Ketchup bottle at him. Then she takes a bag of feces and throws it at him. Eric said no one knew in there. He said they have really small cameras that they use to catch that stuff. Howard said they have to get clearance from everyone too. Eric said they do. Howard asked if they ever have to shit can stuff because they can't get releases. Eric said that people get really angry and they refuse to sign them.
Eric said he had one guy get really pissed at him in the subway. He said he was dressed up in Fruit Loops and telling people that he was their communion and throwing milk and spoons around. He said they had to chase one guy around for blocks.
Howard asked if the Viagra is kicking in. Eric said he feels like something is flowing in his veins but he's not hard. Benjy said that's what he was going to say. He said he has to get turned on. Benjy asked who turns him on. Eric said that Sophia Vergara turns him on. Howard told Gary to come in and blow him. Gary said he has a Playboy. Howard told him to bring it in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he did some research with Viagra and he said that he has to stimulate himself. He said that his blood pressure could drop and he could have some blue vision too. He said he could get dizzy from it. Eric said he's killing his boner.
Howard asked if he's trying to turn himself on now. Howard said maybe he can lay on his stomach and turn himself on looking at the Playboy. Howard had Robin talk dirty to him. Robin wasn't sure what to say. Howard told Fred to play some clips. Howard said maybe if he wraps some underwear around Gary's lips he can fuck those lips like a vagina. Eric laughed.
Fred played some audio of Robin faking an orgasm for Eric. Eric said that isn't her. Howard said it really is. Fred played some audio of the Rappin' Granny on the Sybian too. Eric got a laugh when he heard Blue iris saying ''I'm fingering my cunt.''
Howard said he has his mom on the phone. The guys in the back were playing clips of Howard doing his mom's voice and talking dirty. Eric was just laughing at them.
Howard asked if Eric is seeing anyone. Eric said he's a series of broken relationships kind of guy. Howard asked why he can't be in a loving relationship. Eric said he's just having fun right now.
Eric asked to hear some Little Lupe clips. Fred played him some of those. He played her saying ''My pussy is like a machine'' and things like that. Howard asked if he's flying back to L.A. today. Eric said he's going to Toronto today. He said he's shooting a show for FXX today.
Howard said they put a clip of his show up on HowardStern.com because he wants everyone to know about this show. Howard said he thinks that the show is great. He said you don't have to see previous seasons to catch up. He said you're right up to speed. Howard asked how many they do a season. Eric said it's 10 a season and they replay all of the seasons all the time. Eric said that he loves Adult Swim. He said they let him do whatever he wants.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to try the Sybian. Eric said he was ready to try it but he's soft. He asked Howard if he really has a small dick. Howard said he really does. Eric said he has a feeling it's not that small and he's like John Holmes. Howard said he's 6'5'' and he really has nothing down there. Howard said he is so small and he's very tall so what kind of man is he?
Howard said the Sybian attachment is all new. Gary said the attachment is brand new and right out of the package. Eric stripped down and got on the Sybian. Howard asked how big he is. Eric said he's alright. He said he has never measured it. Howard said he won't laugh because he's so small himself. Eric showed Howard his cock and Howard said he has a big one.
Eric sat on the Sybian. Howard asked why he's sitting on his penis. Eric said he wanted to tuck so it looks like he has a vag. Gary started the Sybian and turned it right up to full power. Eric thought he was going to shit. Howard asked if anything was happening. Eric said it felt like he had to shit. He said that's all he was getting from it. Howard said Gary is staring at him. Gary said he's not staring at anything. Eric said he can't do it. Gary said he was looking at Howard waiting for him to tell him to stop. Eric said he just loosened his bowels. He was feeling nothing with his cock.
Howard said Eric is the first guy to sit on the Sybian after taking Viagra. Howard congratulated him though. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played a prank call Captain Janks made to a show asking a news anchor if she'd ever bang Howard Stern.
Howard took a call from Nicole Bass who said she doesn't have a deep voice. She said they change it from day to day. She said sometimes they think she sounds feminine. Howard said they have never thought she was feminine. Howard said that guy wasn't doing a bit on Leiberman Live. Howard said Alex thought she was a man. Nicole said it was a bit for the show. Howard just agreed with her that she's very feminine. He said he's not going to argue.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was calling about Eric taking Viagra. She said it takes 30 minutes to an hour for it to work. Howard said Eric just said to him that he's flying to do some TV show. The caller said that he's going to have a hard cock for an hour or so. She said that she has taken it and it takes a while to work. She said it made her clit hard, engorged and bright red. She said it was super sensitive too. She said she was with a couple of guys from Vegas. Howard asked if she was with them at once. She said they all took Viagra. She said it made it good for her. She said it made her orgasm really intense. Howard asked if it goes back down right away. She said it was sensitive for 2 or 3 hours after. She said if she just barely touched it then she'd have an orgasm. Howard said it sounds like it works better for her than it does for a dude. She said the guys were pretty happy too. Howard asked if her clit is big enough she can put a condom on it. She said she's not Nicole Bass. She said that she did get big enough to come out of her clitoral hood. Howard said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard said he never looks that hard down there. Howard said he just rubs that area and hopes for the best.
Howard asked the caller who she looks like. She said Ronnie follows her on Twitter. Howard asked if Ronnie has a picture of her. Howard said Ronnie knows all of these girls. Howard said her name is Meghan. She said she was Meghan K Taylor but then she said it was @MKayTaylor. Howard asked if she's hot. Ronnie said he's not sure unless she has a lot of pictures on there. Howard asked how big her tits are. She said she's a 28-FF.
Howard asked Meghan where she met these guys. She said she was at a party. She said that she did this before she had the implants. Howard asked how they got her up to the room. She explained to Howard how it happened.
Jason came in and said that they can't see her account. She has it locked. Meghan said that she's trying to find Jason's request to follow her.
Howard asked Meghan what she's wearing. She said that she is wearing clothes to go to work. She said that she gets in trouble for what she wears. Meghan said that she wears tight fitting pants and she'll get sent home but other women with cottage cheese on her legs will wear tight pants and not get sent home.
Howard said Eric Andre is on the phone and he claims he has a boner. Howard picked up on him and Eric said as soon as he got out of the elevator he got rock hard. He said he might go to the Sybian shop and do something. Howard said he should beat off. Eric said it's embarrassing to walk around now. He said there's a sea of people walking around and he's embarrassed. Meghan said that he might have to tuck it in. She said that he'll still be hard even after he cums.
Howard asked what time the table read is. Eric said it's at 4. Howard said he's going to walk through the airport and get on a plane. Robin said they'll do the pat down at the airport. Eric said he'll be at Newark Airport. Eric said some guy just grabbed his cock when he took a picture with him. Howard said Eric is going to be at Newark Airport with a full boner. Eric said he's flying on Air Canada.
Meghan asked if she wanted her to fly up there. Eric said he's ready for her. Howard said that she's a player. Howard said that he's pretty big too. Howard said they're all going to go to the airport to take a look. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard got a picture of Meghan and said she is cute. Howard said her tits don't look that giant. Robin said she has a small 28 chest so the measurement is going to be different than Howard expects.
Howard asked Meghan about fucking the two guys in Vegas. Howard asked if they both did her. She said one of the guys passed out. Howard said they're lucky dudes. Howard found out she has a 12 year old kid and then he said he had to go. Howard said that he's done with that.
Howard saw another picture of Meghan. Howard said that one looks pretty good too. Howard said just imagine you walk into her room with a Viagra.
Ronnie said he tried Viagra once. He said Bubba gave him one. He said it was good shit. He said he had Stephanie with him. Howard asked how many times he banged her. Ronnie said he did it twice within like an hour and a half. He said that shit works. Ronnie said he took half a pill. He said he went down when he finished but then he saw her walking around in her underwear and he popped again. Howard said that poor girl. Howard said that Bubba is a fun guy. Howard said he had to take a break before getting to the news.
Howard said the thought of Eric Andre walking around the airport with a boner is great. Fred played Robin into her news with a Mark the Bagger song parody about her.
Robin was about to start her news but Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked him not to call him Jeff the bore. Howard said that Jeff the Drunk is no better. Jeff asked them to just call him Jeff. Howard said he doesn't think that will work. Robin said people are interested in him again now that he's Jeff the Bore. Howard said he wanted to see if he's really boring. Howard asked what he did yesterday. Jeff said ''nothing.'' Fred played a clip saying ''Bor-ing'' and Jeff said something about Eric Andre and he played the boring clip again. Howard asked what the most exciting thing he did this week was. Jeff said probably talking to Howard. Howard asked Jeff to prove him wrong. Jeff said he did have company the other night but nothing happened. He said they just smoked weed and drank.
Robin asked what went on with the sex doll they sent him. Jeff said nothing happened with that either. Jeff said she's fucking heavy. Howard played a bit they did about Jeff where they talk about how drinking can make you really boring.
Jeff said it really is depressing. Howard thanked Jeff for the call. Jeff told him to have a good fucking weekend. Howard and Robin wished him the same. They played him out with a Jeff the Bore song parody.
Robin read a story about how an abortion group is going to show video of abortion procedures outside the Alamo. Howard went into his thoughts on abortion and how we have so many unwanted kids in this world already. Howard said he hopes no one with a conscience shows up.
Robin asked Howard to play a clip for her. Howard played a clip of the song Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty. Robin said that the guy who did the saxophone riff in the song died of a heart attack at the age of 60. His name is Raphael Ravenscroft. Robin said that one part of the song is brilliant. Howard said he doesn't like that song and he never really did. Howard played some of the song and cut it off saying that this part blows.
Robin read a story about a nun winning the Italian version of The Voice. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Baker Street. Robin had Howard play some of the nun singing ''Like a Virgin'' on The voice. Howard said it's weird that a nun is singing that song. Robin said the woman has an album coming out soon.
Howard took a call from Balls whose phone connection was really bad. Howard said whatever he said sounded positive. Howard played a theme song for him that Little Mikey did. Howard told Balls that his call was all muddled and muffled. It was just a mess.
Robin read a story about the new iPad that's coming out. Howard said he's not that excited about it. He said it's like they're all the same thing. Howard said he's happy with his. Robin said they do say that you don't need to upgrade. Robin said it's thinner and lighter but it doesn't do much more. It has the fingerprinting thing on it and a better camera. Howard said he has been burned enough times that he won't upgrade. He said his new iPhone is nice but it doesn't really do anything nice. Robin said they say that the new iPad has a SIM card slot that lets you swap it out if you travel. Howard said they need to do something new.
Gary asked Howard if he ever uses his iPad to take video or pictures. Howard said he has but not a lot. He said he uses his phone most of the time. Howard said he wants these things to do something new. He said he wants an innovation. Robin said they say the Wi-Fi might be faster. Howard said it won't be. He said he thinks they've run out of ideas. Howard said he thought the watch was a good idea but then he heard there are already 20 others out on the market.
Howard said the new IOS was going to be cool but even that isn't. He said it feels unexciting. Howard said we want new things and innovation. Robin said she just got the iPad Mini and she loves it. Howard said he's satisfied with the one he has. Robin said she might upgrade her's. She said she was just trying it out.
Robin read a story about a guy at a restaurant being charged with food tampering after he spit in it when a customer sent it back to be cooked more. Robin said he was arrested and fired. Howard said that's just gross.
Robin read a story about students in a high school fighting against pornography. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said his mom gave him a subscription to Playboy at the age of 13. Howard said his mom told him that these women don't really look like that and they're not real. Howard said his mom said they were freaks and they don't look like that. Howard said he told her to give him one of those freaks. Howard said he did get that lecture from her. Howard said his mom told him how horrible it was going to be. Howard said he didn't beat off to that stuff that much. He said he beat off to a nudist magazine he found on the road. He said it was much more hard core. Howard said he preferred that over Playboy. Howard said they looked more like his mom. He said they were real women.
Robin read a story about the guy who broke into the White House. Robin said they say he's not competent to stand trial. Howard said that's what happens here. He said that they don't give these people real jail time. Robin said they are going to evaluate him more before going further.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Fred did something really funny yesterday. He said Robin read a story about Garry Indiana and Fred played that ''Gary!'' clip. He said that was brilliant. Ralph also said that these iPads are so great that people don't need to replace them. He said that's what's wrong with them. Howard said that they need to do something different. Howard said they need innovation. He said they came out with great things like the iPod. Howard said no one had ever seen anything like that. Ralph said the new software is buggy too. He said that never happened when Steve Jobs was there. Ralph was upset about the iPhoto app not being available anymore. Howard said he just uses Dropbox. Ralph said he's afraid of stuff getting stolen.
Howard said he thought Apple was going to have holograms by now. Ralph said Howard doesn't even like Facetime. Howard said that's true. He said it would be cool if they did the hologram thing. Ralph said they have a floating hover board that some scientists are working on. Robin said it's only an inch off the ground though.
Howard said that he thinks they need to invent something cool. Ralph said they did have projectors in phones for a while. Howard said that can't be that hard to invent. Ralph said he thinks the Apple Watch is going to be cool. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard said he thinks the Apple Pay thing is cool. Ralph said they get like one percent of the transaction so that should help their stock.
Jason came in and showed Howard his watch and it took video and pictures right from the watch. He said he has alerts that pop up and all of that. He said he has the Samsung Gear watch. He said it has a pedometer too.
Howard said Jason went to Meatopia over the weekend. Jason said he goes and he went last year too. He said he doesn't eat that much there. He said you can get small samples from a lot of restaurants. Jason said he went behind the scenes to see how the prepare the meat and things like that. Jason said he tried a smoked, pig cheek. Howard said he didn't want to hear about that now.
Robin got back to her news and read about a senator who has a list of the ways this country wastes money. Robin read some of the things that were on the list. Howard said you don't mind paying taxes until you hear about the waste. Howard said you hear they took the money and spent it on monkey studies for dumb shit. Howard said it's so frustrating. Howard said it's money you could have put in your pocket. Howard said the government has to stop that shit. Howard said if he were in government he would dedicate his life to stoping that shit.
Robin read a story about 3 teen girls who were traveling to Syria to join ISIS and they were intercepted in Germany and returned to their families. Howard said they should be put in jail. Robin said they arrested someone the other day who was coming there to go to Oklahoma to start up some ISIS training.
Robin read about how we've been dropping weapons to the Kurds and some of that fell into ISIS hands. Howard said he saw that on the news the other night. Howard said he saw that they intercepted the weapons. Robin said the White House was saying that this was old stuff trying to put a spin on it.
Robin read about how 10 percent of breast cancer can be traced to genetics. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about breast cancer tests. Robin said they say you don't have to lop off your breasts.
Robin read about an NBC camera man who is free of Ebola. Robin said that he's being let out of the contamination unit but he will have to take time to recover from it. Robin read some other news about the handling of Ebola and had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about a guy who was a prisoner in North Korea for a couple of years after he left a bible in a club.
Robin read about the football team hazing scandal in New Jersey and how a few teachers are still suspended. Robin had some audio of an NFL football player talking about going to that school and how he wouldn't have any success without the coaches there.
Robin read a story about a catholic school teacher who left a school after having sex with a few students. Robin said she has resigned her job there.
Robin read about how Malala Yousafzai has received the Nobel peace prize and another prize. Robin had some audio of her making a speech. Robin said you don't realize just how brave this girl is. She took a bullet to the head from a Taliban member for speaking out.
Robin read a story about morning cereals and how there are ways to get your kids to eat it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard said that radio is fucked up. He just realized that they do a 4 hour show. Howard said that they do 27 minutes of commercials too. Howard said half his day is gone now. Howard said he should have left the room with Howie. Howard said he's like a babysitter. He said the parents went away and they have to sit there all night. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Eric Andre. He said that he spent a lot of time with them the past 2 days. He said Howard enjoyed him. Gary said he likes him a lot. Gary said he's good to hang around with. He said he figured out who he was when he saw him on ''Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23'' and you wouldn't know that it's the same guy doing that show on Adult Swim. He said he's a different guy. Gary said that he likes that show he does too because he gets in and gets out of his bits quickly.
Jon asked Gary about Eric doing the phone thing yesterday. Gary said that everyone has to call in on the regular line there and they had Eric Andre on the line and he was messing with Mariann and Bobo. Gary said when Mariann changed her voice it reminded him of the time Fred the Elephant Boy tried to change his voice for a dating service. He said they know it's his voice.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it sounds like some crazy misplaced ego with them when they get so upset. Gary said he's torn on it in some ways. He said they contribute to the show every day and they have earned something but not the sense of entitlement they have. Gary said that Steve came to him and said now he sees the shit he has to deal with every day. Steve said that Bobo and Mariann don't act like that every day. He said that everyone else acts like that every day. Steve said if you tell someone they have a shitty phone then they get upset and ask who they're talking to like they think they can get Gary to put them up.
Gary said Stuttering John used to have to deal with the callers. He said he loved fighting with them. Gary said that he had to tell him to just move on and not get into a fight over it. Steve said that people can get very mad when you tell them they might not get on.
Jon said that you feel like you're part of the show the first time you get on. He said with Bobo and Mariann they are part of the show. He said he can understand why they would feel that way. He said if a new guy comes in they feel that's a threat to them. Gary said he feels that people like King of All Blacks who demands to stay on but Bobo doesn't do that. He said Bobo begs. Jon said that you want to stay on the air as much as possible.
Gary said what he would tell the callers is that he doesn't care if you've been on hold for 3 hours. If it doesn't work for the show at that time then it's not going to work. He said it's all about Howard.
Bobo called in and said that he doesn't have a sense of entitlement. He said he didn't recognize the voice and he bought into it. Gary said he felt entitled to get on the air. Bobo said he just wondered how he couldn't know him. Bobo said he just meant that he didn't understand how he didn't know who he is.
Jon asked Bobo if he thinks that when you work the phones there you should know automatically. Bobo said he thinks if you work there you should know who he is. Bobo said the interns there know the show and they knew him.
Benjy asked if there is any instruction for Bobo to put him through. Steve said most of the people these days call the same line that every listeners calls. Steve said they deal with him and not the interns so much. He said there are no special instructions for Bobo.
Gary said back in the day they had to screen the celebrities. He said he had to ask Sting what his real name was and things like that. He said that he could tell if someone was full of shit. He said he would ask who their publicist was. He said if they freaked out and said they didn't have to tell him then he knew they were full of it. Gary said Bruce Willis was calling in once and he went to the bathroom for like 2 minutes. Gary said he told and intern to just answer and not grill Bruce. He said he came back and heard the intern grilling him. He said Bruce wasn't thrilled with that.
Jon asked Bobo what he thought was happening yesterday. Bobo said he thought he was being taken out of the loop. He said when Eric told him he had to ask his question in 3 words then he was freaking out. He said he gets an adrenaline rush from being on the air and he has to be on. Gary said that some people get frantic if they don't get on. Gary said Melrose Larry used to get insane if he wasn't on the air often. He said he'd get cursed out and called names if he wasn't on.
Benjy said that they all feel that way. He said it's not reasonable or healthy but that is Bobo's identity and he felt he was losing it. Bobo said that the look on his face when he doesn't get on the air. She, Dawn, got on the line and said he goes into a depression if he doesn't get on the air. She said she has to stay away from him as far as possible. Jon asked if she was around him yesterday. She said she was and he was trying to come up with other questions. She said she tried to tell him that it could be a practical joke but he doesn't believe anything she tells him.
Benjy said he thought Dawn didn't like Bobo's association with the show. Dawn said that she thinks he's just got an obsession with it. She said it takes over his whole life. She said she has to step back from it. Jon asked if she has thought of destroying his notebooks. She said she hasn't but she has thought about getting him psychiatric help. Gary asked if she uses the show when they fought. She said she has done that.
Dawn said that she almost broke up with Bobo when she found out his association with the show. She said that he kept it secret from her until he put a ring on her finger. She said that she almost broke it off with him.
Jon asked Dawn to throw Bobo back on. Bobo got back on and Jon said that was a big move putting her on the air. Bobo said she puts up with him. He said she lets him have a whole part of the house dedicated to Howard.
Jon asked if Bobo let her know how big of a fan he was when they got engaged. Bobo said it was a big secret. He said it was one secret and then a bigger secret on top of that. He said that he told her that he was an extreme fan. He said that he also told her about the hair on his head but she had already figured that out. He said she's a hair dresser so she knew. Gary said you don't have to be a hair dresser to figure that out. Bobo said he knows.
Jon took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she knew that Bobo was taking it to the next level and they refused to take his call on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Jon asked when she came up with the idea to call in as another person. Mariann said she tried doing that and then did the *67 thing to keep her number from showing up. She said she had to get on because she had so many things to say. She said she knew that they were screwed because Howard wasn't taking regular callers. She said she knew it was a prank. She said she told Bobo that. Mariann said she called in about 3 million times this morning. She said there was no way she wasn't getting on today.
Gary asked if Bobo believed it was a prank. Mariann said that he was still on the fence. Mariann said Bobo thought that Steve was fired and she knew that he couldn't have been fired. Mariann said that she had so much drama gong on that she had to tell everyone to get out of the house so she'd have her space.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said Newark isn't disgusting enough and now Eric is walking around with a hard on. Ralph said that it's no big deal to take that stuff.
Ralph asked who Eric played on the Bitch in Apartment 23. They said he was the guy in the coffee shop. Ralph went on to say that Bobo is a complete asshole. He said he's lucky Howard even picks up on his calls. He said to ask if they even know who he is shows he's a douche bag. He said he likes Bobo but it's creepy and weird. He said just imagine his wife being with someone who is so obsessive about something. Gary said maybe she sees something in him. Gary said she has figured it out. Gary said people figure things out in their own way. Jon said they must be meant for each other. Jon said they do work well for some reason. Ralph said it's just scary when he goes off the deep end like that.
Jon brought up the stories that Howard and Howie were telling about Mel B. Ralph said they were great. He said he loves Mel too. He said she's great.
Jon said Howard really doesn't like lateness. He said that it can piss anyone off if they just show up whenever they want. Gary said that he heard a story about a guy who held up a table read and he wasn't even top billed. He said that he would be horrified to be 2 hours late to anything and especially something where people can dictate your career in the future.
Ralph said that maybe Mel was trying to pad her time. He said maybe they get started early and don't get going right away.
Gary brought up how Benjy showed up last minute to the plane they took to Florida. Benjy said he got on the plane before they were scheduled to leave. Ralph said he did that once to him. He said he showed up at 8:55 for a 9:00 flight and Beth had to tell Howard to stop the plane.
Gary said he shows up early every time. He said that he doesn't want to be late at all. Ralph said it's just as annoying to be early as it is to be late. Ralph said you should be there when expected.
Ralph said that he's also upset with Howard leaving at 8:55 when he said it was a 9:00 flight. Ronnie said you can't have people waiting for you. Jon told him to hold on to that and they'll talk about it more after the break.
Jon said you must be disappointed when it comes up short like that. Gary said that your mind jumps from one thing to another. He said that you start to imagine the best case scenario but then you go to the worst case. Jon said he tries not to get his hopes up too high. Ronnie said that he got the phone call in July and Howie said he pitched a couple of channels. He said he's not sure that's true. Gary said he thinks it is. Gary said he thinks that this was Howie's hail Mary to get the idea out there. Gary said the one thing they got out of it is that Howie is still insanely passionate about it. Benjy said hearing him explain it did get him more into it. Benjy said hearing that it's a family thing made it kind of interesting. Benjy said he can't believe that it wouldn't work on one of the thousand channels out there.
Jon said Ronnie may have missed it but Howard talked about an issue he had in the limo. Jon played a clip of Howard talking about how he just wants one channel in his limo. Ronnie said freaking out isn't the word for what he was doing. Jon asked if he changes it when he leaves. Ronnie said he doesn't touch anything back there. He said there's a button he touches or something. Ronnie said he just had Richie Beilenson take care of it so every preset is Howard 100 and 101. Gary asked if there is an Emergency Broadcast System alert then Howard may miss it. Ronnie said he will only get 100 and 101. Jon said he thinks that Howard will be happy to hear that.
Jon asked what he can do when he hears Howard get so upset. Ronnie said he can't go back there and do anything while he's driving. Ronnie said that Howard said he was going to have to hire someone to sit back there to change the channel.
Jon said Howard said Eric Andre was the first guy to ride the Sybian but Ronnie rode it. Ronnie has no memory of that because he was hypnotized when he did it. Jon asked if he was surprised that the Viagra didn't kick in right away. Ronnie said it doesn't happen until you're doing something with a girl or a guy. He said then it might kick in.
Gary asked Ronnie if the Viagra has anything to do with how long you last. Ronnie said no. He said he got a 100mg pill. He cut it in half and took one half. He said an hour later he was ready to try it out. He said it worked really well. He said it takes about 45 minutes to really kick in. He said you feel your dick almost getting tingly. He said then they did their thing and he blew his load. He took the other half and it worked again. He said it's not like he had a hard on for 4 hours. Ronnie said he was still in a semi-hard state but he wasn't in the full hard. Gary asked if he could sleep on his stomach. Ronnie said he could.
Gary asked if Stephanie has ever tried it. Ronnie said she hasn't. Gary said all it really does is make blood go to your genitals. Jon said some guys think that it makes you less of a man if you have to take it. Ronnie said he doesn't have to take it. He said your hard on is like a fucking stick. He said sometimes it might not be completely there. He said it's like a rod that you can bang on the table. Lisa let out an ''Ooo'' when she heard that.
Jon said in the first hour of the show a caller asked Howard what his weirdest sexual request was and he told a story about that. Jon said Gary has a story about that. Gary said Howard had that weird fan come to his appearance. Gary said when he did appearances in 1986 or so he had a girl come up to Howard and he was pimping her out to him. Gary said there are some people in your life you know not to sleep with. Gary said she would show up to all of his appearances. Gary said that chick grabbed him and stuck her tongue down his throat.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's had anything like that happen to him. Ronnie said he had a situation at a block party where a couple came on to both of them. He said they wanted to do a swinging thing. He said that's not going to happen. Ronnie said he'd be fine with it if it was just a chick. Gary asked who he thinks is a hot chick now. Ronnie said Maria Menounos. Gary asked if he'd do it with her and Kevin. Ronnie said the guy is a buzz kill. He said the door is open if it's just Maria.
Jon asked Benjy if he has had anything like that happen. Benjy said that he's been asked to get completely naked but he can't do that. Gary said that he used to stare at a photo of Benjy naked in the lotus position for the past 8 years. Benjy said he'd like his body to be more like their bodies. Gary said he's shocked that anyone aspires to have his body.
Jon took a call from a guy who joked that he knows Ronnie can get Viagra with his AARP card. The caller also said that the shows that Ronnie is trying to pitch are so over saturated now. He also said that he'd rather suck on Nicole Bass' cock than listen to Phish because they suck. The guys spent a little time talking about Phish and how there are people who follow them around from city to city. Steve said that they can be passionate about a band and not follow them around. Gary said he has seen Springsteen in many cities but he goes home and sleeps in his own bed. Steve said he's not one of the nutty Phish fans. Jon said he is on the boards though.
Jon asked Lisa G what she had in the Howard 100 News headlines. Lisa ran down a list of things they had coming up today. Jon also got in a plug for today's Sternthology. They're playing that Easy E interview that Eric Andre mentioned today. The guys got in their plugs and ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon said that Richard does draw the line at some things. He asked what he does draw the line at. Richard said boogers freak him out. He said that if Jon picked one right now and put it in his face he'd be freaked out. Richard said he's fine with his own boogers. Richard said that it's like the smell of your own waste and how you're fine with it but not with other people's waste. Richard said he knows how much it freaks him out so he used to threaten Sal with his boogers. Jon asked JD if he was aware of that. JD said he wasn't. He said maybe that came about like when women's periods come into the same time.
Richard said he knew a guy who had an older brother who was a bully. He said he got to the bottom of the glass of soda at his house once and there were boogers at the bottom of it. He said he immediately vomited. He said he thinks that might be where that fear came from. Jon asked if that's the same guy who jerked the dog off. Richard said there were two who did that but they're not the one.
Jon said Richard looks very clean cut today. He asked if he got his hair cut after the Royals lost their first game. Richard said he did. He said that nothing he's doing is helping so he didn't wear his lucky underwear last night. He did wear his unwashed shirt but he will end up washing that soon. Richard said that the underwear doesn't matter. He said there are fans out there wearing clean ones and his didn't help so he's done with that.
Jon said that he knows nothing he does affects the game in any way but he still does it. Jon said maybe it makes him feel better. He said he burnt his Michigan stuff this season because of how they did but he doesn't really think anything he does affects anything.
JD said he never tweets during a game. He said that he thinks there is something going on with the Bengals though. He said when they are on TV or broadcast in New York he noticed they always lose. He said there has to be something going on there. JD said they always lose when they're on national TV.
Jon asked JD what he can do to overcome that. Gary said there's nothing he can do. JD said that he tried watching the game on another channel on a secondary source and he was trying to see if that affected the game in some way. It didn't.
Jon said if the Steelers start to lose he'll just turn the TV off. He said he always does that. Gary said Jon will also walk his dog. Jon said the pup reassures him. Richard asked if their superstitions are any different than Sal believing the Long Island Medium. Jon said he knows deep down that what he does doesn't actually do anything. He said that's the difference. Richard said he thinks deep down he believes it is real. Gary said he doesn't think that way.
Jon said one time they went to a Mets and Pirates game and they brought Scott the Engineer with them. He said they had a water main break that day and it delayed the game for 90 minutes. He said they did think about how Scott was there but they know it was just a coincidence.
Richard said he was so excited watching the Royals. He said that it was so great when they'd be doing well. Richard said he could cry just thinking about it.
Jon asked JD how down he can get. JD said he gets down quite a bit. He said that the Bengals keep getting blown out. He said he's getting blown out in the Fantasy Football league too. Gary said he can't do that. Jon said he knows he had a horrible week in his fantasy league.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has some things he'll do to try to change the outcome of the game. He said he'll change the channel. Jon said he does similar things. He said that he will change TVs or maybe listen on radio.
Jon said one time the Steelers were playing the Browns and the Browns were killing them. He said he had to get out of the house. He said he went to pick up lunch or dinner and didn't come home for the next hour when they were winning. Jon said he stayed out until the Steelers won because he knew if he went home they'd lose. He said they did end up winning.
Gary said he also likes the great psych moves that teams will use to psych other teams out. Gary said he's a huge Islander fan. He explained how they were going to play game 7 and they had Kate Smith come out to sing live and you know that the Islanders were going to lose. He said they used to play a tape of her singing and they brought her out live. He said that psyched the other team out. Jon said he thinks that could do it. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon said that Richard loves to watch good gay porn with JD. He asked if they get turned on at all. Richard said no. He said it's kind of a bonding thing that they do. He said he and JD used to watch it with Wood Yi in the same studio. He said they found that famous clip where the guy says ''You want to have some fun, I want to have some fun'' about 10 years ago. He said he and JD found that together. Gary asked what Wood Yi did. Richard said one time JD was busy and he asked Wood Yi to help him. He said he had his head down and he was shaking his head like ''What am I doing?'' JD said he would sit in the corner shaking his head at other times.
JD said that he and Richard find it funny to watch that stuff. He said they still laugh at this one guy called Big Guy Jack. He said they can't play it on the air though because it's not so much audio.
Jon played a clip of Hannibal Buress talking about porn with Howard. Jon asked if JD is distracted by the ads on porn. JD said you can't avoid some of them because they're so big. Gary said he gets a lot of the ads that say that the women are in your neighborhood and he's never seen anyone like that there.
Jon asked if they ever get more excited by the ad than by the video. JD said he has. Jon asked Gary if most guys don't know those women aren't in their neighborhoods. Gary said of course not.
Gary said he also looks at the comments section like Hannibal was talking about. He said he'll check the ratings of the videos too. He said he tries not to go below the 65 percent positive ratings. Gary said he doesn't want to just see some girl dancing around in front of a mirror. He asked who cares about that. The guys said someone must care. Jon asked Gary if there are any critics he follows. Gary said he doesn't do that. Gary said he has looked at interracial porn comments and they're really brutal.
Jon said he thinks that Hannibal did really well in the studio this week. He said he talked about that Cosby thing and that takes some balls to talk about. Gary said that he grew up with Cosby and Hannibal probably isn't in that demographic. He said he was probably born when the Cosby show was ending so he doesn't give a shit.
Steve Brandano said that he thinks that they have to mention what Phish does for their fans. He said that builds an importance to them. He said they do so many things with the audience in their shows. Steve said they do special shows and it makes the fans really into them and really passionate. Jon asked if it's like Jimmy Buffet in a way. Steve said not really.
Gary said he knows a guy who is a big Phish fan and he said that he was laughing about what Howard was saying. He said that he still loves Howard and he loves the band and he knew that what Howard was going to do on the show is what happened.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Phish. He said he's been a fan of Howard and Phish for 30 years. He said that he wanted Howard to like Phish and say they were cool. He said then he realized that it wasn't possible. Jon said he thinks that Sal wishes Howard was into KISS and he wishes he was more into Rush too. Gary said that people loved the Bill Murray interview and so many people liked that they love the same guy as Howard does. Gary said it can make you feel good.
The caller said that his second point was this. He said the parallels between Howard and Phish's careers are uncanny. He said when Howard was ripping on Phish's lyrics he was thinking about how people have talked about Howard's voice not being so good. The caller was going on and on about the similarities that weren't really that similar. Steve said there is that connection with the audience though. He said that's what Phish has exemplified.
Jon said Howard still eats fish. Steve said that they also don't screw the fans with the ticket prices. He said one price is all they get for the tickets no matter where you sit.
Gary said maybe if he went to a show he'd like it better. He said you can't say you don't like something until you've tried it. Gary said he'd be afraid of going and running into their management. Gary said Howard didn't say that you should hate them and never see them. He said he's not vicious toward them.
Jon said if Howard says he doesn't like your music then people will try to change him. Jon asked if they have ever had their minds changed over what Howard has said. JD said no. JD said Howard has his play list and he has his own.
Gary said it would be much easier if he hated what Howard likes. He said that's not the case. Gary said that they have goofed on him for liking Steely Dan. He said they tell him they suck and they're the worst band. Gary said it's not fact, it's just opinion. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon said that some people think that Eric won't be able to lose the weight that he says he can. Gary said he thinks they should get the piano box ready for him. He said he thinks that he's very malleable and you can tell him something and he believes it. He said he doesn't think he has the ability to stick with it though.
JD said if he had a cane he thinks he'd do whatever he had to do to get rid of it. He said Eric is talking about hitting people with his cane on the subway so he's not looking to get rid of it.
Jon said that Fred has a job so it's different with him. Gary said that he's a fairly bright guy. He said he has a speech impediment and he can hold a conversation. Gary said he did an appearance once with Hank, Gary the Retard and Eric. He said he spent most of the time talking to Hank. He said he was able to have a conversation. He said with Eric it's a very circular conversation.
Jon said he could talk sports with Medicated Pete all day. He said that he thinks that people don't think Fred has a job but he has had one for many years.
Jon asked Brett Larson from Howard 100 News if he thinks Eric can do the weight loss thing. Brett said he thinks he can follow through on it. He said he may be enjoying those free meals he's getting from the place that's supporting him.
Gary said he had a friend who met Eric once and Eric talked him into writing him a check for his cable bill. He said his friend wrote that check and he's sure it never went to the cable. He said that's the ability that Eric has.
Gary said he's listening to the Lena Dunham book. He said that she's been terrified of death since she was young. She said that she knows it's irrational to be that paranoid about death. JD said he's not sure why he has that fear but he does. Brett asked him if he almost drowned. JD said he did when he was young. Gary asked if that's the clip of him in Jamaica. JD said it's not. He said he was 4 or 5 and he was flailing around in the water because he didn't know how to swim. He said that he just remembers being in the pool and almost drowning.
Gary said he almost drowned when hew as almost 25. JD said he had a fear of water so he never wanted to do it again. Jon asked if he has a fear of going in a pool now. JD said he has no desire to do it. Jon asked if he's okay in a bath tub. JD said he's fine.
Jon asked JD if trying not to think about it makes him think about it more. JD said he doesn't know. Jon said he didn't know it was this extreme. He said Sal thinks there is something after this life. He said that must keep him going. Sal said it's reassuring to think there is something after death. He said he has a fear of dying too. He said knowing something is there for him after he dies is reassuring to him. He said if he dies then he knows he's going to a good place and that calms him down.
Gary asked Sal if he'll be the guy grabbing at people and screaming. Sal said he will be that guy too. He said he hopes there is a good place he's going to when he does die. Sal said when JD has kids he'll be thinking more about them than his own mortality.
Brett asked Sal if he would throw his arms up and pretend it's a roller coaster when it's going down. Sal said he thinks about being in a bouncy house with Gary the Retard when he's in turbulence on a plane. He said that calms him down. He said if you're flying you should try that and it will really help relieve some of your stress and fear.
Jon asked Brett what they had coming up today. Brett ran down a list of the news stories they had coming up today on Howard 100 News. He mentioned a story about Bobo having problems with his wig down in the Florida humidity. He ran through a couple of other stories they had coming up and also mentioned Leiberman Live which is coming up at 4:45 this afternoon. The guys got in some plugs and they ended the show around 11:05am.
Jon said with Bobo and Mariann they found out how much they need the show. Jon said he gets that they get upset when someone new comes in and they don't know who they are. Jon said Mariann was trying to change her character and all of that. Jon said they were acting shocked when people didn't know who they were. Gary said he's always shocked when someone says that. He said it's such a thereat. He said it's like saying that they're in big trouble when the powers that be find out they don't know.
Jon took a call from a guy asked Gary about Leno and Imus and who he thinks Howard hates more. Gary said he would have to think it's Imus but he'd have to ask Howard. Gary said Imus tried to screw with Howard's livelihood. He said Howard had to claw his way past Imus. He said he was a roadblock to his success. Jay is just a disingenuous person in his life.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about Jay Leno lying about the Joan Rivers ban on the Tonight Show. Gary said he was talking to someone about booking someone on the show and they said they had no room in their schedule for them. He said he thought Joan got pretty hot at one point and Jay still kept her off. Gary said she was a guest on a show where she proved she could mix it up. Gary said he found it really interesting that Leno kept the ban going. Jon said that his excuse didn't really fly. Gary said that they had guests who weren't as hot as Joan was at one point.
Jon took a call from a guy who said we've seen Howard's enemies fade over the years. He asked if they think Howard will ever surrender and become friends with Jay. Gary said he will never say never. He said it doesn't seem like it right now but maybe some day. Gary said he did ask Howard if he would ever do Leno when he was promoting something and he said no way.
The caller also asked about Beetlejuice and wondered if Sal and Beet could squash their feud if Sal just got Beet some teeth. Gary said he's not sure that they have a feud and he doesn't think Beetle wants or needs new teeth.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Bobo has been there so long and you have to blame the show itself for creating the sense of entitlement they have. He said he feels that's where it comes from. Gary said there is a way to do it where you can say it nicer. Gary said he could have just gone and done his house work that morning and called later in the day to find out what's going on. The caller said they may not be very rational people. He said that you almost expect it to happen and that's why the prank went on. The caller said the best thing was the voice mail Bobo left where he said someone had to have infiltrated the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how they think Howard is doing now that Ebola is in New York. Jon said there was a report about that last night. Jon asked Gary if he's doing okay. Gary said he knew it would happen. He said the city is a huge port of entry. Gary said he and Mary were watching the news and Mary asked how he thought Howard was going to take it. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he thinks Howard is a bright guy. He asked what they can really do. Jon said it's playing out like that movie where it gets closer and closer. Jon said he watches The Strain too so this is affecting him. Gary said he is waiting for the call where they're doing the show from a remote location or something. He said maybe from Florida or somewhere like that. Jon said they'll have to find out on Monday.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like when Gary is on with Howard he sort of dumbs it down for the show. He said he's very articulate on the Wrap Up Show though. He said Gary comes off very articulate and smart and he's not sure if Howard notices that. He said he's impressed with his intelligence. Gary said he's not playing a character when Howard yells at him. He said he panics when Howard yells at him. He said he feels like he's been with Howard so long that he knows how to push his buttons. Gary said on the Wrap Up Show he has an opportunity to think about what he's going to say. He said with Howard it's different. Gary said some days he just doesn't fight that fight. Sometimes it's just not worth it and you have to pick your battles.
Jon asked Gary if he still gets just as nervous now as he did years ago. Gary said it depends but he can still turn him into a bowl of Jell-O. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from Bobo who said he wanted to clarify something. He said this sense of entitlement thing is out of hand. He said he never says that thing where he asks why they don't know who he is. He said that he was asking Eric what his name was and he wouldn't tell him. Gary asked Bobo how he felt when Reese Witherspoon said it to the cop. Bobo said she's famous and he's not. Gary said that Bobo's back got pushed to the wall and that's when they found out what's really in his head. Bobo said this really is like heroin in the morning and this guy wasn't letting him get his question out. Bobo said he was panicking.
Bobo said he wanted to take up Ralph's comments today. He said that he always liked Ralph and he's always defended him. He said that Ralph was a fan who because friends with Howard. Bobo said Ralph called him a douche bag and all of that and it really hurt him. Bobo said that Ralph said he wondered why Howard takes his shitty calls. Bobo said that if he didn't have good calls he wouldn't take his calls. Bobo said sometimes he doesn't hit a home run but he was hurt by the douche bag comments. Bobo said he doesn't walk around saying he's Bobo or wearing a Bobo shirt or anything.
Gary asked if Bobo sometimes sits around and relives his greatest hits. He asked what his greatest on air call was. Bobo said it was probably when Jackie was in there and he made up games with Jackie. He said he was on the air for like 35 minutes. Jon asked if that's how he rates his calls. Bobo said he does. He said there have been great times when everyone jumps in. He said he leaned to be quiet and that's the hardest thing to do. He said you have to have the right timing.
Jon asked if Bobo times his calls. Bobo said he doesn't do that. Bobo said he's okay with it if Howard doesn't let him get in a second question or something. He said when you're on the air you never know when Howard is going to hang up. He said that's why he tries to get it all in.
Gary said it's great when Howard is having a good time with the caller and then they go for that one more question. He said then there's that long pause and Howard kicks the person off the phone or out of the studio. Jon said Sal has those moments. He said they wait for Sal to say the wrong thing or something at the wrong moment. He said Sal does that where he says that one extra thing when he should have gotten out. Jon said Howard likes it short and sweet.
Bobo said he hung out with Gary once and they told some stories and Gary remembered everything that his wife said. Gary said what he remembers about that was that Bobo's fiancee at the time was so normal looking and acting that it was just strange. He said she's just very nice.
Jon said he's sure Ralph will hear about this and get back to him. Jon said they heard that Bobo is having some issues with his hair. Bobo said it's really bad down there in Florida. He said that the humidity is bad down there. He said it's okay now but in July it was really bad. Bobo said when the humidity is high he has to get his hair piece serviced more often. He said it's very expensive to get it serviced. Bobo said things are good until May or so and then he'll have to start up again. Bobo said he has to wear hats and stuff down there. He said they go to Disney when the sun is down now. He said that part really bothers him a lot.
Jon asked if Bobo thinks about getting rid of the hair thing. Bobo said he has thought about it but then his son looked at a bald guy and said he looked so old. Bobo said that's why he can't do it. Jon said he must get comments about the hair piece though. Gary said he remembers years ago they had a client who owned a toupee place. He said Scott the Engineer walked in one day and he looked utterly ridiculous. He said a couple of weeks and months went by and you knew it was a wig and he got rid of it eventually. He said he thought Scott looked good with a wig and he kind of missed it.
Bobo said the thing that replays in his head is when he was in the studio and had his hair piece off. He said he put it back on and he thought he looked better with it on. Gary asked how much what Howard thinks matters to him. Bobo said he's been so intrigued and he's so in tune with what he has to say. He said that he loves the man so much and he can't believe he's so fixated on it. Bobo said he has to listen to what Howard says.
Gary asked if his wife told him that it would be better with it off and Howard said don't take it off, then who wins. Bobo said Howard wins. He said he loves his wife but that's the way it is. Bobo said his wife loves him either way. He said he thinks it would be too much of a transformation for him.
Gary asked Bobo if he ever thinks he's disrespecting his wife if he listens to Howard over her. Bobo said she knows what he's like and they are fine with that. Bobo said his life revolves around what Howard says. He said that his kids have said that they come in second to Howard. Gary asked if that gives him pause. Bobo said things have changed and he spends a lot of time with his kids. He said his other son has fixations too and he told him he gets the way he is.
Bobo said he goes into his normal life after the show is over. He said that he gets back to his life and starts his business. Jon said he doesn't think anyone is going to question his devotion to the show. He thanked him for calling in and let him go.
Jon said it's a tough call when you wonder if you should listen to Howard or his family. Gary said that's what makes him interesting to him. Jon agreed. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Sal about the gift giving thing that Howie Mandel talked about and how they have that problem there at work. Gary said as a general rule he has more hits than misses. He said that Howard will sometimes say he got something cool but then he will say that he didn't like something like the grooming kit or something someone else has given him. Gary said Howard sometimes saves stuff and enjoys it eventually. Gary said the thing with Howard is that you have to get him something he's into at the time or something from the heart.
Jon said one of the bigger misses was Richard giving Howard some of his ejaculate in a photo frame. Gary said the scary thing is that he brought that up to Howard the other day and he had forgotten about it. He said it got Howard upset all over again.
Sal said he did this thing where he went out and got the cover of MAD Magazine for Howard with his face on it. He said he had gotten that done and then Mutt outdid him with something that was a poster of the same thing. He said he was so deflated over that. Sal said he didn't think he could ever hit it on the head with Howard. Sal said he thinks that something he can use on a daily basis is something that he should get Howard. Gary said he's working on Howard's gift now. He said he's been working on it since September. Sal said sometimes he gets them as a Christmas and Birthday gift at once. Gary said he knows what he wants it to be and now he has a choice of a bunch of things so he has Jason trying to help him whittle it down to just one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they've had so many great guests on the show the past couple of weeks. He said they had Bill Murray in the studio and he thought that was great. He said Chelsea Handler was great too and he feels she's very sexual when she's on the air. He asked if they get that feeling. Gary said he doesn't think she likes him so he doesn't get that feeling at all. Sal said he thought it was just wild that she got peed on in the face. Sal said that was a complete blow out for him. Gary asked if he got excited over that. Sal said he did slightly. Sal said that he watched it a few times and he picked up on the fact that it seems like she wanted it in the mouth. He said he probably watched it 6 or 7 times.
Jon asked Sal if he would ever do that to someone. Sal said he would never do that unless it was Jon out on the boat with him. He said he thinks it's amazing that she got peed on. He said he loved that Hannibal Buress was into granny porn and William Shatner was into the Long Island Medium. Sal said it's like Sal Governale time.
Sal said that he thinks Chelsea is into that stuff and he'd like to ask her more about it. Gary said she just did it once. Gary said he's very intimidated by her and he'd be afraid to tell her she looks hot or something.
Jon asked Lisa G to give her news headlines. Lisa said she watched that Chelsea Handler video a few times herself and she wondered why she stayed where she did. She said Chelsea said she had nowhere to go but she thought she did. Lisa got into her news headlines and ran through those quickly. Lisa also got in a plug for tonight's Leiberman Live. Lisa mentioned that they'll be talking about Ebola hitting New York on Leiberman Live. Jon asked Sal if he's freaked out by that. Sal just gave a quick ''Nah.'' Jon said that pretty much wraps it up. Sal said he's taken Sbarro napkins into the booths to jerk off so he's not afraid of anything.
Jon had the guys get in their plugs and then wrapped up and ended the show around 11:05am.